#the words are paraphrased here

[doodlerose]

Book XIV in the Iliad.

The Iliad’s an ancient poem about war and its costs, but it is also very funny. Shout out when Hera seduces Zeus, and he responds by comparing her to a list of his affairs and the resulting children. As like pillow talk, not like revenge or anything for her trying to trick him.

[whitehairedanimeboyfriend]

When someone is actually a shithead you don't need to faux-paraphrase the most bad faith interpretation of what they said to prove that they're a jerk. :) Just so we're clear.

[nillisaie]

Incorrect quotes

Vaggie: Alastor! You were supposed to watch the baby!

Alastor: I did watch them. I watched them climb all the way up the ferris wheel :)

[telugxrl13]

idk if this is weird but i love black girls'...voice? accent? idk but they have this [insert word that actually matches what im thinking of] when speaking thats so distinct and they drop words and it sounds like something a texan would say, but not. it doesn't even matter where you're from or whatever, and you still have it. and this is me saying this because i feel like if you blindly heard my voice you would think im one of those white girls with a stanley and stolen lululemon leggings up my ass and i really wish it wasnt like that 😭

[significant-narratives]

every time i check in on bedsy he looks like he’s experiencing a whole new level of hell. can someone please help that boy.

[eemcintyre]

Best and worst movies I've watched for A Man™️ in alphabetical order

✨ The best ✨

For Alan Rickman:

Die Hard

Galaxy Quest

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Sense and Sensibility

Truly, Madly, Deeply

For Patrick Wilson:

Big Stone Gap

Morning Glory

Stretch

For Tom Cruise:

A Few Good Men

American Made

Cocktail

Far and Away

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back

Knight and Day

The Last Samurai

Minority Report

Tropic Thunder

Valkyrie

For Thomas Ian Griffith:

Hollow Point

Ulterior Motives

For Sam Rockwell:

Argylle

Charlie's Angels

Laggies

Matchstick Men

Mr. Right

The Way, Way Back

For Nicolas Cage:

Con Air

Face/Off

It Could Happen to You

Leaving Las Vegas

Moonstruck

Raising Arizona

Vampire's Kiss

Wild At Heart

For Matthew McConaughey:

A Time to Kill

Dallas Buyers Club

For Val Kilmer:

Heat

Real Genius

The Saint

Tombstone

Top Secret!

Willow

✨ The worst ✨

For Alan Rickman:

An Awfully Big Adventure

Love Actually

Quigley Down Under

For Patrick Wilson:

The Commuter

Hard Candy

Moonfall

Passengers

The Phantom of the Opera

Zipper

For Tom Cruise:

All the Right Moves

Days of Thunder

Eyes Wide Shut

The Firm

Interview with the Vampire

Jack Reacher

Mission: Impossible 2

Rock of Ages

War of the Worlds

For Thomas Ian Griffith:

Behind Enemy Lines

Black Point

Blood of the Innocent

John Carpenter's Vampires

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision

For Sam Rockwell:

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

For Nicolas Cage:

Guarding Tess

World Trade Center

For Matthew McConaughey:

The Gentlemen

The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Sahara

We Are Marshall

For Val Kilmer:

The Island of Dr. Moreau

**Does not include movies I watched for reasons other than the guy being in them (i.e., I originally watched The Conjuring 1 & 2 just because I enjoy horror movies) or movies I feel neutral on or haven't seen (obv?)

[iphigeniacomplex]

hi!! my dear friend recently had a cousin pass away, and the family is struggling to put together the funds for a funeral. with my friend's permission, i am linking this gofundme, which was set up by their great-aunt; all donations will go toward the services. if you have money to donate, please consider doing so---regardless of size, any donation would really help.

[lesbianralzarek]

someday people will learn to spot the difference between someone who likes to feel "better" than everyone else by mentioning what "highbrow tastes" they have in media, vs someone who just has some uncommon tastes and is trying to introduce you to blorbo from their shows. casablanca and shakespear are still around because some people like them, actually

its unfortunate, then, that some styles arent as lucrative as marvels style. the age of everyone being able to see anyone bitching about things best discussed amongst a select few in their in-group (i cant really post about how much i hated such-and-such media, because people who love it might see it and feel bad) has made it more or less impossible to discuss a hatred of the most popular style without hurting anyones feelings. and i do hate it. and its success has changed how people make movies now. and i am mad. but most of all, i wish i could bitch about it without making the people who genuinely like it sad

theyre still making marvel-likes because people like marvel, and they dont make akira-likes because not enough people like akira. please watch akira. its good. you might like it. if you like akira and other cyberpunk shit please talk to me about blorbo from my "old" non-english movie

[cleromancy]

people who act like tim would feel any kind of positive way about jason dying. Idk who tf youre talking about

[good--merits-accumulated]

Lichen, Jen Hadfield

[long-live-the-carcrash-hearts]

for any new followers i gained from that post. I post abour rpf here. Like that's what this blog is for (if you couldn't tell from my blog description or pinned post) (i swear people never ever read these things)

[tomofjoy]

oh my fucking god did i say the english exam would be easy? yeah? WELL I FUCKING LIED

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN CHOOSE A SYNONYM TO THE WORD "EMERGENCE" AND MY OPTIONS ARE APPEARANCE, ARRIVAL AND SURFACING???

WDYM CHOOSE A WORD TO REPLACE "RELEASE" AND THE OPTIONS ARE DEBUT, START AND LAUNCH

WHY

PLEASE

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHICH WORD YOU THOUGHT WAS CLOSER

EMERGENCE IMPLIES IT WAS HIDDEN AND APPEARED AGAIN

APPEARANCE MEANS IT JUST *POOF*-ED AND IT'S THERE NOW

ARRIVAL MEANS IT CAME ALL THE WAY HERE

SURFACING MEANS IT WAS SOMEWHERE DEEP AND IT CAME UP

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO CHOOSE

AND NOW ALL I CAN DO IS JUST THINK BACK TO THE ANSWERS I CHOSE AND REALISE HOW FUCKING STUPID THEY WERE AND EVERYONE IN THE CLASSROOM DECIDED TO CHEAT OFF ME TOO???? LIKE GREAT I FUCKED MY GRADE UP AND FUCKED EVERYONE ELSE'S ALONG WITH IT

somewhere in the middle of the exam the guy sitting next to me just took my paper and copied the answers off

what the fuck is an umpire

what the fuck is a balustrade? i dont know why are you asking me???

someone asked me how to spell government and i just. i dont know. i forgot.

what does the word "contribute" mean? uhhhhh well ummmm like uhhhhh like when you uhhhhh well you know like?? you get what i mean???

"what two major factors contributed to the decline of the traditinal cinema industry?🤓" I DONT FUCKING KNOW THE TEXT SAYS IT'S DIGITAL TECHNOLOGY BUT I NEED TWO REASONS SO I GOTTA CHOOSE BETWEEN STREAMING SERVICES AND PIRACY BUT STREAMING SERVICES AND PIRACY ARE ALREADY PART OF THE DIGITAL TECHNOLOGY ASPECT I DONT KNOW I DONT MKNOW

I SPELT INSTEAD AS INSTED

INSTED

"how do you think entertainment consumption will change in the future?🤓" BITCH I AM NOT THE PROPHET WITH THE ANSWERS YOU SEEK I HAVEN'T UNLOCKED TIME

DO I WRITE 'LOOPHOLE' OR 'DUBIOUS TACTIC'? IS LOOPHOLE A WORD? DOES LOOPHOLE MEAN BENDING THE RULES? WHAT IF THE ANWER 'LOOPHOLE' DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE IT WASN'T IN THE TEXT? OH MY GOD HOW DO U SPELL LOOPHOLE

i slept for like 4 hours i was supposed to hve 5 but my brother had a toothache and cried and cried and cried and i couldnt sleep and i sat there and i had such a fucking headache for some reason and i just wanted to take a shit

"what does confusion mean?" GLAD YOU ASKED THAT'S ME

oh you meant consumption

oh ok

Referees and umpires always make the wrong decision. (Yes/No/Not Given)

huh

Some batters don't leave the game and instead wait for the umpire's ____.

huh

command? order? say? word? call?

is legal fair, allowed or official? just because it's legal doesn't mean it's fair? is it allowed? that sounds fucking stupid in a sentence .... official??? maybe??? HUH WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU COPIED MY ANSWER WAIT I DONT KNOW I CHOSE AT RANDOM IT MIGHT NOT BE RIGHT WHY

IS A LIVING A FORTUNE OR AN INCOME??? A FORTUNE IS A LOT OF MONEY BUT THE THING BEFORE THE WORD IS *A* NOT *AN* BUT INCOME JUST MAKES MORE SENSE BUT CAN YOU EVEN EARN AN INCOME DO PEOPLE USE THAT VERB WITH THAT NOUN?? DO YOU COUNT A LIVING AS A FORTUNE???? HOW MUCH IS A LIVING???? HOW MUCH IS A FORTUNE?? IS A LIVING JUST ENOUGH TO CUT IT??? BUT WHAT IF YOU CONSIDER THAT A FORTUNE???? LIVING IS EXPENSIVE???

earn a earnings

i think more people will because cant afford

how do you spell subscription

why is it subscription

why do the bscr go all after each other like that

bscr

you're taking off points if you can't read my handwriting?

oh god oh my god what if my handwriting is actually shit but i can't tell because i wrote it and i only i can actually read it what if they take off points because i write Ls differently every time what if they look at the letter r and think it's a v or an n oh my god do i write my rs and vs exactly the same?? have i been doing that the whole time??? is the whole paper written like that????

umpire

for the glory of the... um......pire.

is it an empire? well ummmmmmmm it's umm it's an ummm...pire

yeah that's like when it might be an empire but you dont know so you're like ummmmmm umpire

trading full shadow umpress set for ANYTHING BECAUSE IT'S WORTHLESS NOW

oh boy that was hard! time to check the group chat to relate and cry about my future grade!

:"The english exam was a piece of cake haha"

haha really was it? WAS IT?????

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I JUST CHECKED THE GRADE WHILE WRITING THE TAGS IT'S AN A??????? I WAS STRESSING OVER NOTHING?????? IT'S A FUCKING 5????????????????????

[paragonrobits]

some important calvin and hobbes facts in case you haven't read the original comic strip in a long time or only absorbed stuff on it from memes and out of context bits on here:

Calvin's last name has never been given, and neither has any of his parent's names. This was actually why his uncle Max only showed up for a brief storyline; the creator of the comic, Bill Watterson, ultimately felt that while it was fine to have him as someone for his parents to talk to, it felt far too awkward to never have Max refer to them by name and he never made a return appearance.

The general tone of the comic is fairly light-hearted, with a big emphasis on goofy slapstick comedy contrasted by clever wordplay and often surprising adult-centered jokes that'll hit you like a slap. A big part of the comedy is, as Watterson put it (paraphrased) "It's really funny to me when people express deeply stupid ideas with really fancy terminology." One notable example you might have seen is that one bit where Calvin asks his mom for money to buy a Satan-worshiping rock album and his mom replies that there's nothing genuine about them and they're just putting on the attitude for shock value, and comisserates with Calvin as he deplores that mainstream nihilism can't be trusted. He concludes that childhood is disillusioning.

There is a LOT of criticism of the extreme materialism and selfish mentality of the late 80s, when the comic was initially written. This may go a long way to explain how its aged so well; much of what it criticizes resonates well with people today.

Bill Watterson views comic strips a legitimate form of artwork, and repeatedly fought to have more space to draw more beautiful and artistic backgrounds, which was a very hard fight and unpopular even with other comic strip artists. He eventually did win some compromises and a lot of Calvin And Hobbes' artwork shows it, with the use of space to indicate time as well as a sharp contrast between the often plain environments of mundane life contrasted by the wildly beautiful imagery of Calvin's imagination (which often sports realistic depictions in an art shift of sorts).

Hobbes is explicitly not an imaginary friend, by word of Watterson himself. We don't know WHAT he is exactly, and Hobbes is apparently unaware of the strange nature of his reality; people look at him and only see an ordinary stuffed tiger plushie, but he has a tangible effect on the world that would be physically impossible for Calvin to do on his own. He's apparently been around for a while, and was apparently around when Calvin was a young baby.

On that note; Hobbes has implicitly killed (notably treated as both a gag and also with the vibe of 'he's a tiger, duh') and while he doesn't do it again on-screen, he doesn't have any moral issues about it. Calvin claims that he's never had trouble bringing Hobbes to school because the last time he did, Hobbes killed and ate a bully named Tommy Chestnut and simply comments that it was gross and he needed a bath. Calvin's tried to repeat this again, but Hobbes was grossed out at the thought having to eat a kid raw and not being allowed to use an oven first, or complaining that children are too fattening.

Hobbes became gradually less human-like in body language and more like an actual cat in both body language and behavior; this was due to Watterson drawing more inspiration from his cat, who also inspired a lot of Hobbes' running gags, such as pouncing on Calvin when he got home. Several years into the syndication of the strip, Watterson's cat passed away, and he did a tribute to her with a comic strip of the two of them agreeing to try to dream together so they can keep playing when they have to sleep; Watterson's commentary (if I recall right), remarks on his cat: "We can see each other again in dreams."

[queenarsinoethepoisoner]

Haha don’t you just love when you’re reminded just how sexist and racist and homophobic your father is?

Video and audio description below the cut!

A video made with the trending sound that says “I haven’t stubbed my toe in 5 months. I said with joys. I was then shot 57 times” in a monotone voice with slightly spooky music behind it.

[Start image Description : The video is comprised of three drawings for each sentence. All drawings of are a person from the shoulders up. They have curly hair. In the first drawing they look happy, with the subtitles saying “Wow! My dad hasn’t said anything problematic yet!” In the second drawing they look slightly mad, with the subtitles saying “I said with joys”. In the last drawing they look resigned, with no subtitle.

In the third drawing there are 5 quotes around their head. The top left says “Gay people are an illness”. The top right says “Intersex people don’t exist”. The bottom left one says “Indians like being on reservations”. The bottom right one says “I can give a name sign”. And the bottom middle one says “Deaf culture is ‘Woke’”.

The video ends with the CapCut logo in the middle of a black screen :End image description]

[menkhu]

regarding my last reblog. y'all i am Not doing well at watching the expanse with non fannish people

[savage-rhi]

Magentah