#the wholesome version of the burn book from mean girls | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

breezybangtanbebe · 4 months

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❤️Kihyun : The Wholesome Boyfriend❤️

A/N: this one is little different from the others as far as structure because I originally intended for it to be a part of my AMBW Monsta X series that I was cooking up, but its still within the theme of the Boyfriend series. It isnt set in SK. I kinda had a vision of him having a foreign girlfriend because even though he is pretty conservative, I wouldn't put it past him to date outside of SK or his race if the connection is strong. Plus this is fiction anyway so if its not for you, its not FOR YOU...hell...anywho. This one starts out kinda fluffy with sexual tension. Kihyun falling in love with a thick queen with locs and a whole lotta ass. Not that thats relevent🌚 or is it😏

KihyunxOC named Chloe🥰 (yes..its the Chloe youre probably thinking lol i love her with him) fluff, slow burn but smut definitely occurs.

🎶🎧: Butterflies by Michael Jackson

9.6k words

Emotionally

If there was anyone in Monsta X that would be the ultimate 'bring him home to mama', very 'husband coded' type, it's Kihyun.

Emotionally, he's an open book. Will pursue you and make his interest known early on with clear intentions. He's the type to properly court you. Ask you out on a date, pick you up and take you home. Open doors and lay the napkin in your lap. Bring you food randomly. He's not shy and would absolutely kiss you on the first date but only if you want him to.

And you'll want to.🌚

Chloe's door opened abruptly and Kihyun blinked in surprise when their eyes met.

She stood in the doorway of her place, bare-faced and barefooted, with her mane of brown and honey blonde locs piled high on her head. The loose curls at their ends fell from the messy bun in spirals and kissed her cheekbones and nape in ways Kihyun wished he could, and her gaze lights up with fondness at him through her glasses.

"Hey" she chimes and Kihyun thaws instantly, remembering that he'd probably been staring like a doof.

"Hey.." he exhales.

His gaze dropped to the way her leggings hugged her shapely legs, her soft tummy just barely visible in her over sized cropped college tee.

Kihyun had laid eyes on her countless times in the various moments they shared.

From the first time he saw her in class.

Then later under her favorite tree out on the courtyard.

To the day he approached her in the campus book store.

Study meet ups had become customary since they now shared a few courses, but Kihyun would have found any reason to be in her presence.

"You brought food?" Chloe's chipper tone distracted Kihyun from his daze and he glances down at the forgotten white plastic bag dangling from his fingers.

"Oh...Yeah. I figured we'd get hungry at some point. It's from that vegan place you said you liked." He nods and her dimpled smile strikes him straight through the chest in an explosion of flutters that by now he couldn't suppress.

"You remembered?" Chloe beams and Kihyun rolls his eyes at her teasing tone.

"You talk about them enough. It'd be sad if I didn't. You gonna let me in or what?" He chuckles as he steps forward. He pauses with his foot over the threshold when Chloe puts her hand on his chest.

"You gonna be nice or what?" She looks up at him with her version of a playful mean mug, but all Kihyun could ever do was stare.

Her eyes.

Her lips.

The little shine at the rounded tip of her small nose.

He blinks, remembering to breathe as he shrugged.

"Im always nice. I brought you food didn't I?." He smiles and with a smirk and roll of her eyes, Chloe nudges Kihyun's chest and turns on her heels to grant him access to her humble abode.

Chloe's apartment felt like stepping into an earthy girl's aesthetic thread on pinterest. Cream colored couches and over darkwood floors, burnt sienna and green accents all around the room.

The air always held a combination of the same scents.

Jasmine incense.

Coconut and shea.

Whatever perfume she wore to class that had Kihyun distracted through out the entire lecture when he decided to sit closer to the board. Forgetting his glasses at his dorm seemed more like fate than inconvenience since it put him a row in front of where Chloe always sat.

The fuzzy cream carpet welcomed Kihyun's feet after they were freed from his Nikes at the door.

He loved it here.

Some hours had passed and two chapters worth of information had been effectively crammed into their brains.

They ate everything, empty food containers littering her small coffee table being the aftermath and the afternoon rolled into the evening seamlessly.

Chloe sat across from Kihyun on her little sofa with her legs tucked under her, gazing at him intently and laughing with him as he recounted something embarrassing that happened in his childhood.

Hanging onto every word with a soft smile idling on her lips the more he spoke. Something about his voice always calmed her and she was sure she could listen to him talk another few hours if it weren't getting later.

"Oh shit, what time is it?" Kihyun pauses his story to ask. Before he could pull out his phone, Chloe had already tapped her screen.

"Almost 7." She says with a confused scowl. She turns to look out of her balcony window at the darkened skies and glittering city lights beyond the glass.

"Damn..it feels like 9 or something." Kihyun mutters and Chloe nods in agreement.

"Daylight savings.." she adds and Kihyun hums in understanding but says nothing else.

That comfy silence fell over them then.

With nothing more to study, no more food too eat and no excuse to stick around any longer.

"Well..I guess I should head out. Since its so dark.." Kihyun begins, albeit reluctantly, and Chloe sits up as he moved.

"You don't have to." She says, pausing mid-sentence to glance down at the way her hand rested over his. It had to have been out of reflex because she had no idea she'd reached out for him until the warmth of his hand brushed her palm.

Kihyun was staring at them too, his lips parting to allow the tip of his tongue to wet the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah?" He lifts his brow. He never meant to look at Chloe the way he was looking at her now. The look where his eyes danced between hers, then falling to her glossed lips.

Chloe blushes under his gaze, turning her head away with faint smirk playing on them now.

"Well..yeah. I-I don't mind. I like it when you're here.." she admits bashfully.

Kihyun doesn't say anything at first since he's admittedly surprised at her words. He knew Chloe liked him enough to be around him so much but usually it was with some excuse. To study. To eat. To try some new place out with him there as her emotional support companion since she didn't like eating alone in public.

But now, with their studying done and food digesting, there were no distractions from what they had in front of each other.

"Unless you have other plans..." she backpedals a hitch, sounding almost as nervous as he felt. Kihyun shakes his head immediately.

"When do I ever have other plans Chloe?" He chuckles and she shrugs.

"I don't know...it's the weekend. You might have somewhere you wanna be or..someone else to be with."

With that, a shift commenced between them. There had always been an unspoken thing between them and Kihyun felt like too much of a coward to pursue it. Which was very unlike him considering he was generally a very confident man.

But now, with the object of his desire basically giving him the green light to venture forward.

"Well, Kinda.." he pauses, allowing his hand to turn over so that his fingers could interlock with hers tentatively. Chloe follows his gentle lead, staying put when Kihyun slowly closed the distance between them on the couch.

"Im sort of there already. So..if you want me here. Im here..."

Chloe blinks up at him, her breathing visible in the steady rise and fall of her chest. Kihyun noticed it, feeling himself drawing closer.

He's timid in his approach but his eyes are sharp and intent on her lips as his leans into her. Immediately her hand comes up to rest on his jaw as they their mouths greeted eachother with slow and savored pecks.

Kihyun hums from deep in his throat as he inhaled the sweetness of her scent.

Her hair.

Her skin.

Her excitement.

Her arousal.

Potent and sweet.

Inviting and tantalizing.

He wanted nothing more than to reach down and push his hand past the barrier of her leggings to explore her body further.

But before his carnal impulses could take over, he stops.

Her eyes flutter open as the warmth of his closeness fades when he pulls away. She frowns.

"What? Whats wrong.." she whispers and Kihyun exhales a chuckle as he shook his head, the tip of his nose brushing hers swiftly.

"Nothing...I just.." he pauses to swallow, not even sure of what he wanted or needed to say. But the feeling of her lips not pressed against his felt more wrong than the direction of thoughts. So without thinking any further, Kihyun dives back in to smother her plush lips with his selfishly, easing her back to lay beneath him on the couch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He's so smart so naturally, intellect attracts him. He loves deep conversations and hearing your stance on different topics. He loves a good debate and he's one to play devil's advocate so be prepared for that. He loves making you laugh with his overconfidence, never shying away from doing or saying something a little silly to make you smile.

Kihyun will define the relationship very fast so you never have to wonder what you are. He might have been a player when he was younger but now, he doesn't have much patience for games.

He's big on communication so he will check in with you consistently, even if he's busier than normal. He has an old soul so sometimes, you may feel fathered by him when he gives advice but its out of love. He just want the best outcomes for you, so try not to get to bothered by his unsolicited guidence sometimes. Especially of its money related. Mans is frugal as F° (see what I did there 🌚)

Very protective of you and will fight so, don't put him in so many positions where he'll have to. That'll piss him off 😂

He is absolutely the type to say I love you first. Because fuck it, why not?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was raining.

Chloes apartment took on the light grey tone of the sky as the two of them enjoy the gentle pitter patter of the storm against the window pane. Kihyun was watching something on TV with Chloe's little feet resting in his lap while cozied up with a book on the other side of the couch.

He steals a look at her from the corner of his eye to admire her soft features as she focused on the printed text, her crown of locs wrapped in a patterned silk scarf that matched the sky.

She was so gorgeous to him, especially like this when she felt she looked underwhelming.

"I love you." He blurts out as if the thought itself escaped him on its own mind. She glances up from her book curiously, her expression blanketed with mild shock as she pulled the ear bud from beneath her hair.

"Hmm?" She hums curiously and the softeness in her eyes doesnt make it easier for Kihyun's galloping heart to regulate enough for him to repeat himself.

It had been about a month or so since he'd first kissed her, and their time spent together was comprised of mostly that when they weren't supposed to be studying or watching some movie that would ultimately become background noise. It was very high school of them but Kihyun enjoyed it. He valued her beyond what his body wanted.

He genuinely loved her.

The words werent hard to say.

He'd been saying them to her for weeks.

In every lingering kiss when he left her apartment.

In every savored touch when he held her close to him.

In every thoughtless act he did for her to help in any way he knew he could.

His love for her was obvious.

But it didn't feel as known until she could hear it from his mouth.

For a moment Kihyun doesnt say anything though and he just stares into her soft umber toned irises.

What if its too soon?

What if she doesnt feel the same way?

What if all this time Kihyun had deluded himself into thinking a woman as cool, beautiful, sexy, smart, and genuine as she could ever love him back?

His jaw sagged under the weight of what he was about to say and with caution thrown completely to the wind....

"Nothing's wrong. I...I just love you."

Kihyun called bullshit on any claims that its impossible to tell when a black person was blushing. Because the moment his words hit her, the apples of her cheeks brightened with her smile and the flushed tone made Kihyun want to reach across over her body to brush his thumb over her face.

"Really?"

Kihyun nods immediatly and he smiles at the squeak in her voice.

"Yeah. Like..alot." He adds and he blushes at how juvenile he probably sounded.

But she doesn't care.

"Good." Chloe quips nonchalantly, moving to put her Airpod back in place. Not expecting her to be so passive about his confession, Kihyun scoffs humorously.

"Good?" He laughs and Chloe smirks up at him with nod.

"Yeah...I was beginning to worry it was just me feeling this way over here." She says all too casually.

Kihyun huffs, shaking his head in amazement before turning his body towards her while still cradling her dainty feet in his lap.

"You were worried?" He tilts his head. Chloe looks at him over her book again with timid eyes.

"A little. Was starting to think you only liked me for my lips.." she half jokes, prompting Kihyun to roll his eyes.

Things go quiet again, apart from the low volume mumbling from the TV and the distant sound of thunder outside. Amidst it all, Kihyun never takes his eyes off of Chloe. Even after she resumed her attention to her book.

Recalling her words, Kihyun glances down at her feet and runs his finger tips over her soft skin,

"So....you love me too?" He lifts his brows, still looking at Chloe's nude pink painted toes when she regards him.

Her heart flutters at the vulnerability in his voice as well as the adorable interest he showed in her pedicure.

She sighs.

"Yes, Kihyun. I love you too. Duh..." she crinkles her nose in mock disgust, nudging him with her foot before immediately going back to reading with a lighter shade of happiness and contentment on her face

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Physically:

Kihyun keeps it player. He doesnt have to be all over you in public and nor does he have anything to prove. The most he'll do is hold your hand of course or kiss your lips in greeting or to say goodbye. Otherwise hes very reserved and polite. Especially when other people are around. If youre the type to show alot of affection in front of family or friends, Kihyun would be prone to some mild embarrassment. Flushed cheeks and red ears. Despite him being really chill and composed, I can see him being extremely nervous to meet your family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I look ok?"

He'd asked her that for the third time since leaving the hotel and it was endearing that he cared so much.

Standing on Chloe's mother's porch, the music could be heard inside just as loud as the sound of Kihyun's heart beating in his ears.

He was so nervous. It had been about four months since he and Chloe made things official and despite her family already knowing of him as her friend, it felt different being around them now.

Chloe looks over at him in his dark crewneck sweater, his chesnut brown fringe peaking beneath his hat.

"You look fine for the bazillionth time. I told you this is a casual dinner. No one is dressed up. My mama doesn't care about what you have on anyway. She already loves you."

"Maybe. I still want to make a good impression on the rest of your family though. If I knew everyone would be here I would have packed more.."

"You worried for nothing Ki." She shakes her head and turns away just as the door opens,and a beam of bright warm light from inside the house covers them.

"Hey!! Look whose here!" Halle, Chloe's sister exclaims. The sisters engage in an exchange of excited squeals and giggles as they hug, leaving Kihyun standing by to watch them awkwardly.

Pulling back, Halle acknowledged him with a much less animated hug but its warmth is felt as she greeted him.

"Hey Kihyun! Nice shirt..." she compliments him when stepping back.

"Oh? Uh...Thanks Halle.." he mutters with a shy smirk, looking down at his crewneck as if he wasnt just fussing over it.

Chloe shoots him a satisfactory look that he resists rolling his eyes at.

"Mmhmm..We've been waiting on you two..get in here!" The exhuberent sister beams, waving the awaited couple into the warm family home enthusiastically.

Since dating her, Chloe had described the house she and her siblings grew up in back in Georgia as modest and homely but what Kihyun stepped into was far from that.

Hell, even from the car he was in awe of the vast lawn, high white pillars and contemporary architecture.

The foyer leads them down a hallway thats lined with countless family photos telling the story of a tight knit family that captured every moment they could immortalize. Chloe's dance recital as a toddler. She and her sister at Disney world as children. An array of Her senior and graduation photos.

It was like Kihyun was given a glimpse of the past as well as his possible future if he and Chloe stayed together.

"The food is almost done. Daddy is taking the last bits of meat off the grill now.." Halle says to Chloe, the two of them talking fast amongst each other while Kihyun distracted himself with the wall of photographs on their way to the living room.

As if to confirm her claim, the smell of BBQ wafted thickly through the house, hitting Kihyun and his appetite in the face.

Just as they passed the kitchen doorway, a woman shrieks with happiness before scurrying after Kihyun and Chloe.

Both of them turn just in time to be greeted by Chloe's bright eye'd mother

"Oooh there's my favorite..."she opened her arms. For a moment Chloe thought she was referring to her, at least until it was clear where her affections were being aimed.

Kihyun blushed with his infectious smile as he's trapped in a warm hug, he and Mrs.Bailey's bodies swaying as if they were long lost family being reunited at last.

"I thought yall would never get here. How was your flight?" she asked him all while suffocating him with her embrace.

"It was ok..." he chuckles, hugging her back.

"Long.." Chloe mutters from beside him under her breath and Kihyun chuckles. If she thinks the trip from California to Georgia is long , that flight to Seoul he managed once a year would be an interesting experience for her.

Chloe is able to lock eyes with Kihyun over her mother's head, mouthing a sly 'I told you so' to him in reference to her mother's prolonged embrace. He rolls his eyes before pulling away , smiling down at her warmly.

As dramatic her greeting may have seemed to anyone else, Chloe's mother was genuinely happy to see her daughter here with Kihyun. Especially after the devastating break up she'd endured last year. It was refreshing to see her with someone who was as doting and "clean cut" as Kihyun, even if he was far from the type of men she typically dated.

It warmed Kihyun's heart and eased his anxiety to know he was so welcomed.

And loved.

"Well good. You dont know how glad I am you were finally able to make it out here. Both of you..Hey baby.." Chloe's mother reached for her finally and hugged her.

As he did before, Kihyun stepped back to allow them their moment.

Mrs.Bailey pulls back to look at Chloe, rubbing a dainty finger over the soft swoop of her baby hairs as she observed her freshly retwisted locs.

"You look good. Happy.." she notes softly and Chloe shares a quick look with Kihyun before nodding, the same sentiments clear in his warm gaze.

"I am, Mama." She smiles.

"I am." She repeats, this time holding her hand out for Kihyun to take. Their fingers interlock in the way they always did and Kihyun steps up to join his girl with her mother.

"Im glad to hear it baby. So, tell me Kihyun...You do like BBQ and soul food right? I know this child of mine probably has you eating kale and imitation meat out there in Cali but thats just because you like her right?"

Chloe's eyes nearly pop out of her head at the question, making Kihyun's face light up with laughter.

"I love BBQ and soul food Mrs.Bailey..." he chuckles softly, avoiding Chloe's glare.

"Aht aht..Courtney, Mama, or mom. I already told you this..."

"Thank you..Mom.." he smirks, feeling a little embarrassed to speak so informally despite him feeling at home in her presence.

She reaches up to cup Kihyun's cheek, mirroring the joy in her eyes before nodding.

"Very good. Now come in here and meet everybody." she turns on her heels and walks briskly up the hallway and into the living room, where Chloe could already hear her cousins and siblings chattering loudly amidst the music.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In private, he grabby as hell.

Grabs you by the neck for kisses. Grabs you by the wrist and pulls you to him playfully when you try to walk away after teasing him.

While I don't classify him as an ass man overall, if you have a nice one, he becomes one.🫠 But he's sneaky about it. He'll always be staring at, watching you walk away and smacking it hard when you pass him just for fun. Overall a very handsy guy. He wont admit to enjoying being cuddled but he will always find reasons to touch you. In bed of around the house in general, he likes you either in his lap of nuzzled up to him with your head tucked under his arm and your thigh hiked up over his pelvis.

Oh yea, and he sleeps nakey. So skin to skin for the win🌚

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I dont think theres anything I hate more in this world than a musty ass avocado..."

Kihyun sputters mid sip of his drink at the random outburst and turns to find her trudging towards him from the kitchen with a scowl.

"A musty what?" He choked, laughing at Chloe's diction.

She huffs childishly as she met him at the couch, plopping down on the carpet and scooting back to settle between Kihyun's legs. Back in California after spending a holiday weekend with Atlanta, Kihyun and Chloe seemed to become closer in their relationship. If that were even possible. Instead of spending most of his time at his place, he was at hers. Cooking for her. Helping her clean and her things because he just found it way more therapeutic than dealing with his own.

She had a plate in hand as she got cozy on the carpet and Kihyun peers over her head to see what all the fuss was about. A mushy brownish green smear of avocado colored her large slice of multi grain bread in her lap. The color was a tab bit off putting and Kihyun grimaced from behind her.

"Eugh..." he chuckled and Chloe whimpers.

"Its not funny..I just bought them yesterday and at the store they were most definitely not ripe. I get them home and now theyre over ripe and musty. Now my toast is ruined..."

Kihyun leaned back to take another sip from his cup before setting it down, his free hands now pulling at the elastic band that held Chloe's loc's back in a low ponytail. They fall free and splay out over her shoulders, and Kihyun immediately begins gathering them in his hands.

"So don't eat it..."he mutters distractedly as he began finger combing through her coiled tresses, pausing to massage her scalp occasionally.

Chloe sighs at the feeling of his gentle touch in her hair before mindlessly lifting the slice of avocado toast to her lips.

"But I don't wanna waste it. Ugh..." she nearly gags after taking bite and Kihyun reaches around her to knock the toast from her hand so that it drops back onto the plate.

"Surely you can spare one slice of bread and a musty avocado for your stomach and sanity's sake. Just order something and I'll pay. Im hungry too."

He goes back to playing in her hair, something that he'd recent taken a liking to after one night of cuddling. He loved the texture and the softness of her hair, as well as the smell. It was completely different from what he'd been used to, having mostly been with women with naturally straight hair. It fascinated it him how Chloe's hair routine differed from theirs and he often wanted to be a part of it out of curiosity and another way to show her affection.

"Fine...and don't be snatching food from me." She grumbles and Kihyun snorts.

"I saved your life. Shut up..."

Chloe then busies herself with scrolling on her phone while Kihyun entertained himself in her hair. She'd occasionally show him something amusing on her timeline and they'd laugh or discuss random topics as time creeped on.

"I want you to meet my parents." He says after being quiet for a while, casually rolling the top section of her hair into a cute little imperfect top knot and securing it with her hair tie.

Pausing mid-scroll, Chloe goes tense.

"Your parents?"

"Yeah. I was planning on making a trip over there soon. After finals and stuff of course. They ask about you and wonder when theyll meet you so...why not." Kihyun shrugs, his finger combing much lazier now than it was minutes ago and at her silence, his hands goes still.

"I mean..If youre comfortable with that. I...I don't wanna assume.." he begins to retract his offer and Chloe quickly turns her body to look at him.

"No Kihyun......" she pauses to touch his knee.

"Im just surprised. I...I don't know. Just didn't think your parents knew about me."

"Why wouldnt they? Your family knows about me.." Kihyun quirks his brow with a confused smile and Chloe shrugs a shoulder lazily.

"Thats because we werent always a couple Ki. I introduced you as a friend before you became my man. They knew you."

"And now my parents want to know you. Whats the big deal?" Kihyun's brow crinkled with confusion just as Chloe's mimicked him with a type of worry he had never seen on her.

She drops her chin with an anxious sigh before asking..

"Do they know that Im....you know.." she looks back up, finding Kihyun's soft eyes still on her.

"What? That youre a Cancer but apare tly act like a Virgo? Whatever that means...Horribly lactose intolerant but in denial? That you hit every curb when you turn? That you snore sometimes and are vegan but only on Wednesdays?" He teases in an attempt to lighten her mood. It works a little but he still earns a back handed slap to the chest.

"Aagh!" He falls back into the couch, clutching his shirt dramatically as they both laughed. Chloe, reluctantly of course.

"Shut up. That Im black, you dirtbag. Did you tell them that?" She pouts adorably, not dousing the humor at all and Kihyun breathy cackle tapers into a long winded sigh as he sat back up.

"Whew...man. Thats it? Thats what youre worried about??" he exhales. Although he found it funny, Chloe wasnt all that amused.

She didnt know why she was worried about what Kihyun's parents thought of her, apart from the fact that , according to him, she was the only black woman he'd ever dated seriously. If at all.

He never made her feel as if she were his first. The way he was immediately comfortable with her and her family made it seem like he was accustomed to different cultures. They had similar tastes in music and movies. Hell, he'd even put her on to a few things. But what if his family was different? She'd heard stories from others and their experiences in interracial relationships. Mostly positive but negatives stuck with her.

Specifically the parts where the parents didn't approve of the partner merely because of their race or ethnicity.

"I think its a pretty valid concern." She says after allowing Kihyun to stop finding everything about her worries so entertaining.

He couldnt help it though. The way her bottom lip poked out made him want to lean down and bite it.

Kihyun sighs before gesturing for Chloe to come to him. She does so with no hesitation, climbing into his lap and nuzzling his neck as he hugged her waist.

"Youre right. How you feel is valid...But Ive shown them your picture. So I'd hope that part of you at the least was obvious. Though my mother paid more attention to your big pretty eyes and perfect smile than the color of your skin. Oh and your hair. She loves your loc's and the way the curl at the end. She said she'd never seen any like that before, and that you wear them so well and how much they suit you...."

"No she didnt.." Chloe mutters grumpily against Kihyun's neck, although he felt her smile at the genuine compliment.

"She did. And my dad is most impressed with how smart you are. How you're studying law and undoubtably the smartest woman Ive dated. I agree with him." He shrugs his free shoulder, resting his chin on top of her head as his thumb soothed her waist just below her t-shirt.

"Baby. If youre not comfortable meeting them yet, I respect that. But please dont ever think you have a reason to worry about their approval. Shit, I had more reason to be afraid of your folks accepting me..The scrawny Asian kid you met at University."

At that, Chloe rolls her eyes.

"Stop it, my family loves you." She scoffs and Kihyun pulls back from her just enough to make her lift her head and look at him.

"Yeah? Well I love you, Ok? So know that I would never suggest anything that would put you in an uncomfortable situation. Not with my parents. Not with anyone. I'll protect you from whoever. I mean that.."

Searching his eyes for any fragility or reason to believe he was bluffing, Chloe ultimately found nothing except the reflection of her shining eyes and trembling bottom lip.

"Why do you have to say stuff like that..." she huffs after a beat.

She lets out a half hearted laugh in exasperation as she wiped a disloyal tear from her eye. Kihyun regards her softly, biting back his grin as he leaned forward, tipping her chin up for her to offer her lips to him for a kiss.

When their lips meet, Kihyun hums in contentment before smiling against her.

"Youre such a baby...." he mumbles, smooching her lips much more sensually. Kihyun inhales softly as he parted her lips with the sweep of his tongue, squeezing a handful of her cheeks to pull her closer. Chloe squeals in his hold,but her smile fades gradually as Kihyun deepens the kiss.

They'd have to finish the whole "meet the folks" conversation later..

Sexually

Kihyun is nasty. He's a dom and he's running the damn show. He's not the kinkiest fella. He might dabble in some light BDSM-esque type play but over all hes quite vanilla. Very attentive and passionate. Loves to take his time and can get kind of rough and mouthy in the heat of the moment. Loves to leave hickeys all over if you let him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sex was always on Kihyun's mind, even when he didn't show it. It was hard when a woman like Chloe, who exuded sexiness even in the simplest ways, was by his side.

On the outside, he's as cool as they come. Polite and mindful of who was around. He still made sure to keep her close by holding her waist or caressing her thigh. Tracing his fingers over the inseam of her jeans as a subtle hint of where his mind was.

No matter what they were doing or where they were, she had a way of keeping his mind on her body.

How it felt and her smell. Her taste. God, he loved her taste. He's almost a slave to it.

Internally, every cell in his body was attuned to hers. There were times when Kihyun's desire for Chloe was so overwhelming that he'd rush to get her naked and in his or her bed the moment they were alone.

Plans to visit Seoul were set in motion, Kihyun's parents generously paying for their tickets and even FaceTiming them ahead of time to ease some of the apprehension. Despite it being non traditional and the slight language barrier, Chloe felt nothing but warmth from their introduction. His mother especially, accepting many compliments on her beauty with a cherub cheeked smile and little head bows.

She even impressed them with the little Korean she did know, phrases and words she'd picked up while being with Kihyun or from what he'd taught her. His parents were almost as fluent in English as he was but it was still endearing of Chloe to make the effort.

Watching them interact and chiming in to still translate every now and then, Kihyun's heart soared at this new part of his life melding with the old.

After saying goodbye, Kihyun tosses his phone behind him to land on the couch before launching himself on top of Chloe. Her surprised giggle is muffled amid Kihyun's rushed kisses and hands busied sliding beneath her shirt.

"Ki...Kihyun...what the hell.." Chloe laughs when his lips detached from hers and began to travel down her jaw. The moment he latched on her neck, Chloe gasps.

By now Kihyun knew Chloe's body well enough to know exactly where to touch her. He was efficient in that way.

With his hands.

With his lips.

With his words.

"You make me happy. So happy and I just love you..So much..You dont even know...." He mouths against her skin between wet kisses. His hands curl around her waist to hold her beneath him as he nuzzled her neck, his

He takes a chunk of skin between his teeth, making Chloe roll her hips and press their bodies together in a way that has them groaning in unison.

"Ah!..love you too..." she manages before moaning his name again as Kihyun continues licking and sucking a his brand into her skin, grinding his obvious erection against the crotch of her thin leggings.

"But..what did I do?" She giggles, cradling his head against her

Before they could start a fire, Kihyun pulls away and drags his flustered and starry eyed girlfriend upright and to stand with him.

His kiss-burned lips shined even before he licked them, his fingers interlocking with hers as he guided her to stumbled closer.

"Nothing..." Kihyun shakes his head, holding Chloe in his smoldering gaze.

"That's the point. You're just...you." He admits.

The two stare at eachother for a moment, and before Chloe could respond, Kihyun leads her by the hands away from the couch. He cautiously steps backward around the furniture and into the shadows of the hallway with Chloe following him without question, tilting her head cutely and tucking her lips to keep from giggling when he nudged her bedroom door open with his foot.

There were nights like this, when the city was quiet and the orangish glow of the street light through the blinds of her bedroom window would cast stripes over the curves of Chloe's body as she stood before him, that made him want to take his time.

Time to ensure she knew how much he cherished her for being herself ,and being open hearted and brave enough to love him.

Kihyun knew a little bit about her past relationships through being her friend first. He knew about the lies and manipulation. He knew about the mental abuse and the cheating. He knew about the lasting effect it had on her emotionally, even to this day.

And yet she let him in anyway..

Kihyun had just finished pulling his shirt over his head, shaking his hair back in place while Chloe freed herself of her own. She stands inches away from him in a sexy lacy bra and panty set that matched the shade of the night sky.

He traced every shadow and line of her features under the scarce lighting with adoring eyes, the corners of his mouth twitching into the faintest smile.

She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and in his mind, that wasn't even an exaggeration due to his feelings. Kihyun had seen beauty in many shades and forms. Some natural and some...not so much.

And none of them compared to her with her bare face, smooth sepia skin and her gorgeous crown.

Speaking of..

Kihyun's eyes lift to Chloe's dark roots and trickle down the curve her long locs framed her round face, scattered flecks of gold cuffs and honey blonde bleeding down to their spiraled ends. Chloe keeps her attention on his gentle focus as he pinched a stray curl between his fingers daintily before freeing her top bun from the confines of her the elastic band. Her head falls back as a waterfall of curly ended locs cascading down from the loosened knot he put them in earlier.

Kihyun immediately goes to raking his fingers through them so that they don't obscure his view of her face and the deepening mark brandishing her neck.

"Youre so perfect.." he exhales, saying it more to himself than to her. But the sentiment is received with shy smile before Kihyun captures it with his lips. As they did before, wet languid kisses travel from Chloe's pout, under her chin, and down the side of her neck.

"So fucking perfect baby.." he writes over the curve of her tummy with his kiss, nibbling at her navel and dipping his tongue into it on his way down.

He slowly drops to his knees with his lifting eyes on hers, his hands gliding down with him to hold her hips possessively.

"Everything about you..." he fragments as he leaned into her, his lips tracing the line of her panties, his fingers teasing over their elastic as if he were about to pull them down.

But he doesn't. Instead, he nosed at the bulge of her other set of pillowy soft lips that begged to be kissed. So he did, pressing his lips right over their covered seam to tease her clit with the warmth of his tongue through the her panties.

Chloe watched him with drunken eyes, biting her lip and tipping her head back when the friction of Kihyun's tongue over her clothed pussy became too much for her.

"Kihyun..." she whines, finding him watching her dutifully. He knew what she wanted, even with the way she said his name just now. He knew she wasn't in the mood for teasing.

"What baby?" He tilts his sultry, only to drop his chin and drag the flat of his tongue over the tiny hill under her panties. The warmth of his mouth soaks straight through, making the fabric like a second skin as he licked her slit again.

This time, he sneaks a finger between her mound and his tongue and he pulls back to watch it rub tortuous circles over her clit.

"Hmm?" He reiterates with his other hand holding her fast at the hip, kneading her affectionately as she squirmed above him.

"Stop playing with me." Chloe scolds him but Kihyun merely smiles wickedly, glancing up slowly. He stands without warning, bumping his forehead against hers as he pulled her flat against him.

"But you love it." He exhales before lips apart and dipping his tongue between them.

"...love it when I touch you. Love it when I....fuck.." he pauses with groan at the way Chloe sucks his tongue, bobbing her head slowly before pulling back. They both smile against each other lips before diving back in, Kihyun's words forgotten.

He resumed undressing her as he distracted her with his deepening kisses, starting with the clasps of her bra and going back to peeling her panties down her thick thighs and helping her step out of them. All the while, his kept his gaze on her face.

Even when he dove back in with his tongue, dipping it between her folds to lick over her sensitive bud.

Chloe's knees buckle slightly on contact, her crescendoing moans only spurning him on.

"You don't want me to play with you baby? Hmm?..Want me to stop?" He mutters between teasing his tongue over her heat, tasting the way she dripped for him.

Desperate hands rake through Kihyun's hair as he focused all of his efforts on flicking his tongue over Chloe's hardening clit, his muffled groaning and fluttering eyes almost enough to push her over the edge.

"Thats right...Cum baby.." his words vibrated over her sex, the loudness of his wet tongue lapping over her clit becoming the only sound either of them could focus on.

He didn't even have to use his fingers and Chloe was already on the brink of exploding hard against his lips and tongue, crying out with a fistful of his hair in her grasp.

Before she could, Kihyun was rising from his knees. Lips wet from her pussy and eyes burning with desire, he quickly shucks off whatever clothing remained until only sweat existed between their bodies.

He's rock solid against her thighs, his shaft pulsing against her glistening folds as held her close.

He lays Chloe down with his tongue caressing hers, taking every needy mewl and moan she gave him as he settled himself between her thighs. His nimble fingers dig into the meat of her hips, hiking one of her legs up and over his arm to spread her wider for him. He had her pinned and helplessly open.

Kihyun wasn't a big guy in terms of stature or height (still taller by every partner he’s had) but he had the strength of two on a good day. Especially when it came to lifting up, tossing, or keeping Chloe right where he wanted her.

Like now, when the way he had her folded, creasing her soft tummy and making it a little hard to breathe. It was a discomfort that Chloe welcomed.

And as far as his size size, Chloe would never tell him how surprised she was to find out how much Kihyun had to offer. His girth was perfect, the length being just enough to make her gasp every time his tip swept against her walls when he was inside of her.

Kihyun's dick rubbed over her slick folds as he ground his hips against her, teasing his shaft against pussy while kissing her deeply.

Occasionally, he'd slip only the tip in before letting it slide up to rub over her clit, making her whimper pitifully beneath him.

Over and over, until Chloe was begging for him to put it in. When he did, they both cussed at the indescribable pleasure that rippled through them.

It was like this every time.

"Like that baby...grip me tight.." he growls with a pained and pleasured scowl marring his perfect features.

His grunts are low and deep from in his chest everytime his dick made impact, forcing her body into the mattress. Breasts bouncing and hands gripping the sheets. Chloe hiccups when he slams against her cervix, making him grin devilishly.

"Again..." she pants and Kihyun obeys, drawing his hips back and slamming into her again. She tenses and arches from the bed at the pressure but Kihyun pins her legs back so that shes unable to run.

"Fuck!...Kihyun.." she whimpers.

"Nope. Stay with me. I'll make it hurt so good, my pretty baby. Just hold on for me, ok?" he gruffs with a short peck on her lips and Chloe's walls spasm around his length.

While he may seem gentle with his words and his foreplay, m he's a straight menace otherwise. Coaxing the most inhumane sounds from a normally composed woman was his newfound specialty.

He'd never fucked anyone the way he fucked her, nor did he ever want to. Hell, he didn't think he could. The amount of stamina he exhibited as he manages to pull orgasm after orgasm from his woman made him feel superhuman.

He fucked her with everything he had, with one of her legs over his shoulder, both of them over his shoulder, turning her over and pinning her flat against the mattress. But its when he has her back on her back that he pushes himself nearly to the point of tears as he called her name in the crook of her neck when he came.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kihyun is a very dirty talker but the way his buttery voice caresses the words, you'd swear he wasnt. He's also a huge tease so be prepared for that. Some light degradation and edging. Lots of praise too though. He prefers raw sex so hes not the type to have anything casual. Hes very adamant about sexual health, hygiene and being clean overall. So If he's having sex with you regularly, that means yall are in a relationship and the idea of making a baby at some point isn't too far from his mind. Cream pies are his favorite kind of pie. But he'll absolutely wear condoms if you prefer it.

But he secretly hopes you don't so he can leave it in🥴

As it was mentioned before, I don’t rake Kihyun for much of an ass man (he loves a nice booty as much as the next man) but Kihyun loves breasts. Those are the first things he wants to see in the morning. He loves tracing his finger around the textured parts of the areola when he’s big spooning. He loves suckling them even more, flicking his tongue over the nipple and smiling around it when it makes you tremble. He’s fir sure ripped a few bras in the heat of passion and always makes sure to buy you new ones.

The really pretty, vibrant, lacy ones. When in doubt, always wear the blue ones.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Korea was amazing. Kihyun brought Chloe to his parents home straight away after they landed. His father was actually the one to pick them up from the airport and Chloe immediately saw where he got his charm and sense of humor from. Although a little more reserved and quiet, it was obvious.

Kihyun's mother was just as sweet as Kihyun, very thoughtful and doting. She asked Chloe a million questions and expressed multiple times how she wished she had a daughter and how she was glad to have one now. It was a little overwhelming at first, and COMPLETELY unexpected, but perhaps this was how Kihyun felt when he met her family.

Surrounded by love.

Its a quiet morning in the city park and most of the movement consisted of people walking their dogs, joggers winding through other pedestrians, and mothers in track suits pushing big strollers containing cooing infants.

Chloe beams as one mother passes them, catching a glimpse of a tiny round faced baby with almond eyes, tan skin and wispy curly hair.

"Do you want kids?"

The question doesnt catch Kihyun as off guard as it would anyone else. Especially considering how Chloe was the type to ask if he'd still love her if she was a worm or some other random sentient being.

"Why? Are you pregnant?" He asks jokingly while squinting againt the scope of his Canon EOS. The shutter sound clicks as he captures a photo of a wren perched on the railing of a nearby fence. He frowns at the image with scrutiny before going back to scanning their surroundings for something inspiring to shoot.

Chloe walks alongside him quietly, hugging herself against the autumn breeze in her oversized sweater and ripped jeans as she continued to people watch.

She hadnt even realized she didn't respond to Kihyun's rebuttal question until he is stopping dead in his tracks, leaving her strolling leisurely ahead until she notices. Chloe turns to him and furrows her brow.

"What?" She frowns, noting his expectant expression.

"I just asked if you were pregnant and you stopped talking. Thats what. " he blinks, mirroring the way Chloe's lashes batted at him in confusion before she smiles.

"Oh...Oh! No....hell no." She laughs, nearly snorting. She waved off his apprehension before encouraging him to resume his place beside her on the leaf littered path. They crunch loudly under Kihyun's feet when he stepped towards her, lifting his camera to take an obnoxious snap of her before grabbing her proffered hand.

"Yeah very funny. Are you sure?" He lifts his brows and Chloe nods emphatically.

"Positive. This IUD has about 3 more years before it expires and it hasn't let me down yet." She bumps Kihyun with her shoulder. He grunts in amusement (and relief) before nudging her back gently.

"Good. I felt my blood pressure go up just now. Don't do that.." he exhaled with a laugh of his own.

Chloe drops her chin to watch their synchronized steps. She smiles guiltily for spooking the hell out of her unshakable partner while tightening her grip on his hand.

"No no..Im sorry. I only asked because I see everyone with a baby is outside today. Then seeing my sister all excited about her baby...Plus, we never really talked about it so.." Chloe trails off with half of a shrug.

Which was true. The two of them never had any conversations about the future in that way. Kihyun loved kids and was so patient with them from what Chloe observed. She never told him how it made her feel when she saw him holding his two year old nephew back at his parent's house, refusing to put her down even while he helped his mother in the kitchen.

She felt something stir within her that she never felt before. A flutter much like butterflies in her chest as well as her tummy.

Was this what baby fever was supposed to feel like?

Kihyun was momentarily distracted with his camera, scrunching his face with it lifted and aimed at the canopy of trees towering over them.

"Oh..well, sure.. eventually." He pauses to review the shots he'd just taken.

" I mean, Id for sure marry you first though." He mumbles, his thumb tapping the tiny buttons to scroll through the photos.

Now it was Chloe's turn to stop dead in her tracks. Their hands come apart, stealing Kihyun's attention from his camera to look back at her.

"You'd marry me?" Chloe asks in blatant surprise with a dash of disbelief in her expression, an ironic contrast to how Kihyun was just looking at her a few minutes before.

"What makes you think I wouldnt?" He smirks with his brow crinkled in amusement. Chloe glances around the busying park before shrugging.

"I don't know...." She mumbles, doing a horrible job at hiding her little pout. He regards her blankly for a second before sighing.

"Well I would. If that answers the questions that are probably swirling around in that big ass, over active ass brain you've got over there."

Chloe scowled cutely at the mini jab, prompting Kihyun to lift his camera to capture it as he continues.

"..and yes I would put babies in you. Maybe 2 or 3, if you're up to it. Boy or girl, I don't really care. As long as you're all healthy..." he goes on, closing the small gap between them and pausing occasionally to check the screen on the camera and smirking at the way Chloe's expression softened gradually from frame to frame.

"We would of course be done with school by then. I'll buy you a new car for a graduation present and you'll cuss me out for being over the top. And I'll tell you to shut up because I'll be the one driving it anyway. Then we'll get a nice house. Nothing too crazy. Modern but cozy. You'll be a tough ass defense attorney and I'll be in journalism doing something way less interesting than you but I wont care because I'd rather brag about my wife and her job than mine anyway..."

He's directly in front of her by now, snapping countless photos of Chloe's enamored and twinkling doe eyes as she gazed at him over the camera, her lips twisting in a subdued smile that she was failing at fighting back.

It was the type of smile that could break the hardest exteriors and melt the coldest hearts. Not that Kihyun ever claimed to be that cold or hard bodied. Some might have described him as such but not since he found her.

Kihyun lowers the obstructive device so that she could see the earnestness on his face when he spoke. He lifts his hand to pinch her chin softly, stroking her skin with the pad of his thumb.

"Because Ive never felt more sure about anyone in my life and you deserve all of that and more. You'll figure that out one of these days. Sooner than later , I hope."

Chloe finally gives in to the fullness of her smile, her soft dimples denting her cheeks and her bunny nose wrinkling slightly. She tries to turn away from his touch to hide her blush that only he could see, and Kihyun tips her chin back towards him and holds her in his eyes.

"Of course, Im in no rush for any of that. Thats just my plan...Im enjoying having you to myself these days."

He pulls Chloe into his side, pressing a kiss to her temple and then her lips.

Just then, a bright red cardinal perches on a branch that bobbed merely inches away from where they were standing. Kihyun's eyes open at the sound of its song and he abruptly breaks their kiss, leaving Chloe's eyes fluttering in confusion until she hears the telling clicks of his camera shooting over her shoulder.

Its as if Kihyun had completely forgotten she was there and that they were having a moment by the way he was now fully engrossed by the disinterested bird.

"Ooh thats perfect..." he mutters as the continued to capture stills of the bird until it ultimately flew away. His shoulders drop, as does his smile and his shoulders.

Even the camera droops in his hold , giving Chloe the perfect opportunity to snatch it from his hands. Kihyun barely has time to react before shes turning it on him and going ham on the shutter button.

Snickering, she lowers the camera to look at the screen, smiling warmly at the array of expressions she'd captured. His pout and furrowed brow. His eyes wide with surprise and confusion. The last photo she'd taken immortalized Kihyun's handsome face and heart stuttering smile looking back at her. She bites her lip in reaction to that familiar and almost overwhelming sensation of butterflies swarming in her chest again.

"Youre right..." she lifts her brows before looking back up at him.

"Perfect."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love Language:

Im on the fence between Acts of Service, Gifts, and Quality time. All of which could be valid because we all tend to dabble in multiple (or all) love languages. But since he is basically hubby, he's extremely reliable, loves spending time with his partner when his schedule permits it. Loves cooking for you and feeding you. Loves making things for you in general. Things that he knows you'll use often.

And he loves buying you things. Clothes, jewelry, high quality food. He doesn't really care about receiving gifts as much as he enjoys giving but if you were to gift him, make it something useful and personal. That would really make him blush.

As far as gifts giving, Kihyun would absolutely buy you a car out of the blue if you mentioned needing a new one lol He'd just randomly pull up in it and you'd be like "oh this is nice" and he'd say "oh you think so? Here." , tossing you the keys. He's the young flexer after all.

Must be nice..

Pet names/terms of endearment:

'Darling' or 'Baby' seem to be his go to's for pet names. With his deep voice and the way his lips kiss consonants when he speaks, I cant imagine anyone being able to resist him when he calls them one of those two. Maaaybe even princess or "My Queen" when he's being cheeky. For sure 'Baby' though.

#monsta x smut #kihyun #kihyun smut #monsta x boyfriends #changkyun #wonho #jooheon #shownu #hyungwon #hyunwoo #minhyuk #monsta x changkyun #ambw kpop #monsta x ambw #monsta x fanfic #monsta x imagines #kpop fanfic

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ijustwantogohomehogwarts · 1 year

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The Colors of the Rainbow

Timothée asks y/n what color he reminds her of, and she puts a lot more effort into an answer than he could ever imagine.

Warnings and such: it's. so. fluffy. also like one swear word? illusions to "adult situations" but nothing bad! not proofread!

A/N : i'm backkkk!! not gonna lie, i didn't expect to be gone nearly a month, but life sucks lately and it just kinda happened...im sorry!!! thanks for the continued love and support! also- i get my cast off in like 10 days! yay!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"what color do you associate me with?"

His voice drew my attention away from the book in hand, the first words spoken aloud in hours. it was thought provoking; a color?

"what do you mean?"

"when you hear my name, what color do you think of?"

I had never thought of that before, but now seemed a good a time as any. I allowed my eyes to wonder over him as I thought about the best answer.

Red: bold and beautiful. a bright color, attention grabbing and hard to look away from. the color of our bedroom lights after too many nights spent apart. the color of his eyes after he smokes too much and giggles on the couch. The color of our lips when we finally pull away, gasping quietly for breath. Red. The metaphor of blood shed that went into making us, and making us work. red, bold and beautiful.

Orange: autumn. obviously. the color of pumpkins, of crazy sunsets and sunrises, worthy of photographs we'll never look at again but in the moment, it's important. the color of comfort, warmth and a cool breeze. orange, deep like fire, the burning desire for him, for me, for each other. the color that paints my insides when i look at him and remember that he is mine.

Yellow: not the neon yellow, but the soft yellow. the yellows the paint the sky for a brief moment in the early hours of the day, when the world is waking up again and the day is starting. the color that floods our bedroom and allows dust to dance in the air around us. the last color we see as we fall asleep together. the color night owls are always chasing. for him, it's the color he radiates when he walks into the room, bright and happy, a glow that follows him and intoxicates everyone in his path.

Green: earthy and holy. natural beauty, like the nature we crave amidst the bustle of the new york city. not a color i see him on often, but the color of his eyes. the color i get lost in when he talks, drunk on the sound of his voice. the color behind his entire world. it's calming and comforting. it's him. a color i would happily see every day for the rest of my life. a color i plan to see for eternity.

Blue: the color of water and cleanliness. he loves his showers, his pools, and the rare trips on boat rides for secret swimming holes. a water bug through and through. the color for which he starts every morning, a fresh start. the color of winter, cool and quiet. for nights spent close together under heavy blankets, skin on skin. the color that accompanies him to premieres and interviews, a color that demands attention in the softest tone.

Purple: both the softest and deepest versions. a child-like representation of each, a playful color. a color which adorns his body on quiet days spent shopping, or nights gallivanting around for basketball games and bars with his friends. a color i often associate with nights home without him, the undeniable fact that he'll stumble through the front door in the early hours of the morning, the smell of alcohol lingering on his breath as he tells me he loves me.

White: innocent, clean, wholesome. a stereotypical color, but there's truth to it. sure, he's not pure in the sense of what the color stands for traditionally (can you blame a girl?) except he is. through all of life's changes, the good, the bad, and everything in between, he's stayed true to who he is. he's happy, ready for life's adventures. he wants to be the person his generation can look up to, someone who defies the odds and makes a name for himself on his own. he doesn't need, or want, poor publicity or the lingering story of being a hollywood fuckup. he won't be- he can't be.

Pink: a color typically labeled for feminism, but golly doesn't he look beautiful in pink! it's bold and impossible to look away from. the lightest shades for the purest and most innocent, the darkest shades for the most demanding and defiant. why not break stereotypes?! the clothes make the man, so they say...but for him? no. he makes the clothes. he's what pulls the outfit together, the one who makes the color beautiful. beautiful, like the color that paints his cheeks when his heart flutters in his chest.

Gray: a color for balance. there's never light without the dark. with good days, comes bad. we get tired, sick and worn down but it reminds us we are human. a color reserved for coffee runs on lazy sundays, after sleeping away the stress of the previous week and preparing ourselves for the next. a comforting color, one that reminds us we are allowed to be sad, but the feeling will pass and the sun will shine again. be patient, good things take time.

***

"Black." I settled on the answer with a smile.

"Black?!"

"Yes!"

"Why?! That's the most basic color!" He chuckled softly, nudging me with his foot.

"No, it's the most important color."

"Important?"

"Well, it's a perfect combination of all the colors, and all their qualities. You've got the best of them all, love."

"How so?" There was no hiding the color pink on his cheeks.

Black: the perfect combination of all the colors that exist. the best qualities mashed into one, leaving ample opportunity to add more of the color that's most needed. black, the color of the room which we share in the middle of the night, where the only sounds are soft snoring or heavy moaning. sometimes both. it's in this color where we find solace in one another, an indescribable feeling of peace, a place which we call home. in the arms of the man i love. all the colors in the world, every combination of letters in every language- it'll never be enough to express the gratitude i have for the stars above that lead me to him.

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batty4dragon · 3 years

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Can I just say the fact that it exists and what's in it, it's message and that it was approved made me throw up in my mouth? How can they poison some thing so pure and innocent and wholesome and important ? How can they make someone good, someone who is a good friend and supporter who friercely protects and loves his rider and family, not care about them and toss them aside and do it in most douche kind of way?

"am I not enough ? Hiccup asked Toothless. Toothless paused then dashed away."

Literally what kind of friend does that? Not even trying to confront your best friend as apparently that book still calls them that but it only just adds one more pinch of salt to injury, what kind of friend sees his friend upset and doesn't care? A shitty one, asshole, someone who only cares about food in your fridge and if you have money to take that's who and it disgusts me. Relationships don't work that way. Feelings and love and protectiveness towards your family don't dissapear just because a pretty girl you just meet appeared. Hiccup struggled and tried to be enough, but didn't manage it since he was little and in httyd 1 finally he was someone enough for Toothless and it let Hiccup unravel and develop. Their relationship was amazing and heartwarming and pure they could count on each other no matter the trouble and to see it all just tossed like yesterday's trash for the sake of this nightmare? Made me feel cold, absolutely horrified and angry and pretty duckin depressed. What's the point of making friends and relationships when even one as beautiful as this can stab you in the back and your very best friend abandoned you for a pretty girl he barely knows and doesn't care about you anymore. Because that's the only thing I'm getting from thw. Sometimes friends drift apart that's true but they still communicate, they care if other is sad and do t break things off unless one does something really really bad and remain in contact and what Hiccup and Toothless had was strong and deep and something very different from what school friends or friends from work etc have so comparing them to it is unfitting. Hell the official wiki called them soulmates which Dean apparently decided that he didn't see. The fact that Grimmel isn't even in it and apparently other dragons stay is ridiculous and insulting. The only lesson for children from that book and movie is " Toss all your friends and family aside if the girl is pretty enough. Platonic love is utterly inferior to romantic interest after all. All your friends will leave you eventually. The only way to escape and be safe from bigotry and prejudice is to hide until the world thinks we don't exist and no one is trying to make that world safe for us, if we show ourselves again it would cause chaos and we will be in danger again meaning we are sentenced to stay in hiding forever" Trully amazing message in those times.

https://m.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-night-fury-and-the-light-fury-tina-gallo/1128864180

If Tuffnut or Snotlout meet a hot girl on another island and he only exchanged few words with her but she was soooo beautiful would you still say it's okay? He should abandon Berk, his friends and his dragon for her no? Because she is scared of dragons obliviously. Even if they barely know her. They suddenly don't care anymore about anything but her suddenly after all. Sounds like magic love potion to me. That needs some hammer to the head to get rid off.

Sorry for the rant. But I just had to say something about it, it's been bubbling inside me and keeps doing it without end.

I'm exchausted. Httyd was my home away from home I retreated here when things pulled me down and it always made me feel safe, it never failed to help me rise up to remind me that even when things look bad it's worth holding on and fighting because things will get better eventually but now it's all corrupted, burned down with skeletons of what it was lying about and I feel constant danger in it now, it feels like cemetery. When THW came out I felt a string of hope httyd always gave me because exactly in that same year mere weeks before I lost my parent and was struggling to cope so I thought that it will help me rise again, remind me of that again, and since Hiccup lost his father recently too I expected to see him deal with that also, but that wasn't even touched upon at all and instead what thw did was go against everything httyd stands for and crapped on it while butchering characters to the bone, it kicked me down even lower. I felt even worse, everything felt numb, it felt like I just escaped from somewhere where I saw someone take something dear from me, stomped it down, mangled it, set fire on it and then spat on it, like nothing mattered and it's not worth fighting anymore. And I feel like giving up and leaving and I did for a while but I don't want to anymore, it's exacly what THW says to do. I have to keep fighting and believing in what httyd 1, 2 and tvshows was and showed us. I have to remember the real Hiccup and Toothless and not let them get burried by this mockery versions of them. The only way I regard THW is a nightmare, a mockery. It's what exactly Hiccup's nightmare would be.

Is there even hope of saving httyd somehow ?

#thw salt #thw criticism #hidden drainhole

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kinsey3furry300 · 3 years

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5 ships I hate, why I hate them, how to (kinda) fix them, the better ships you should be doing in that universe, and why you should ignore me and keep writing them if it makes you happy.

Note: this is done for amusement, please don’t be offended; I’m not attacking your ship, I’m just listing some ships I do not always care for, and how I think they could be improved, and maybe made brilliant, by clever writing.

In no particular order, and focusing on ships that often annoy me, with no attempt by me to say anything meaningful or popular about the current state of any particular fandom. I’m also a firm believer in the idea that there’s no such thing as a bad ship, only a badly executed ship, so my objections to these is less a dislike of shipping, or the paring, and more that they raise writing issues that I think are difficult to fix in a satisfying way. That’s why in a lot of the examples below I prefer AU ships to ones that try to messily work it into the cannon. Anyway, enjoy... I guess?

Marco x / anyone (Animorphs)

Why I hate it: Animrophs is an intensely character-driven story, where the tension of each book comes from the conflicts, external and internal, that the five Animrophs (and Ax) face during a long, hard, traumatic war. And while several of the character are paired off romantically, it’s always to emphasise character conflict over their different points of view. Jake and Cassie are a pair because Jake’s struggle with having to make hard, grey, morally ambiguous choices as leader is highlighted by Cassie’s burning need to make the right choice, the lesser evil, the choice that leaves some small shred of humanity and dignity and kindness left in this bleak world. Tobias and Rachel are a pair as their arcs deal with literal and figurative loss of humanity, as the slow accumulation of trauma over time turns these happy(ish), normal kids into psychologically ruined husks of their former selves and destroys them slowly, one fight at a time.

Marco’s arc, isn’t about either of these things: Marco’s arc, is about the bright, clear line between A and B, between problem and solution. Marco is a utilitarian, a pragmatist: his concern isn’t the burden of leadership, or the cost of the decision, but about how to put that all aside and make hard decisions that actually work regardless of cost. It’s not about what to do, the path is obvious: the bright, clear line of ruthless logic, but how to do it. His match, his counterpoint, the other character who’s all about the logic of taking awful decision in a way that actually works for the team, and his foil, his female counterpart in this, is not a romantic partner, but his mother: Visser one, making the exact same hard, difficulty ruthless decisions using logic and maths, but for the other side of this war. A romantic paring gets in the way of this arc because a partner doesn’t help him with that bright, clear line, and worse, any attempt to pair him of with either Rachel or Cassie breaks up not only a cannon paring, but their respective character arc.

How to (kinda) fix this: Marco’s arc is, at the end of the day, a trolly problem. So make sure whoever you ship him with is one of the people tied to the tracks. Introduce a character he crushes on, and then in the second act reveal that they are either a Controller, or in the family of a Controller or the proximity of the target of their next mission in a way that will make them collateral damage ,and let Marco struggle with what happens when that bright, clear logical line from A to B cuts through someone he actually loves; you know, like it did with his mother. See, even trying to fix this ship is weirdly Freudian.

The far better ship you should be doing: Ax x / EVERYONE. Ax in human form is described as a worryingly pretty, worryingly androgynous male of indeterminate race. He is a literally Bishonen alien hedonist with no familiarity with human senses, poor impulse control in human form, and no knowledge or understanding of human courtship rituals, and he can shape-shift, including into other members of the core team if needed to compel a mission, he calls Jake his prince, and he is incredibly close to Tobias, the lonely outcast woobie that the LGBT fans adopted as their poster boy. Come on, the potential for shipping, both with wacky hijinks and sad, tragic star-crossed lovers’ trope is endless. Every line dedicated to Marco shipping is a line of text that could be dedicated to Ax trying to eat a Cinnabon erotically on his first date as a human and hulking out mid way because he forgot just how good they are. What could be better than him leaning into to erotically kiss a team-mate, and then fucking up due to his failure to understand human mouths, making weird mouth sounds, and then licking crumbs of the table in the middle of the mall, in front of the entire school, while his crush awkwardly tried to pretend this is normal? What’s wrong with you Marco-shipper people, do you hate fun?

Riz/Tem (beastars) Why I hate this ship: Okay, just to quickly ask a question, to people who un-ironically like this as a serious ship and not a dark joke, just one little question: What’s wrong with you? I mean,are you okay? Keep taking the meds: the show is VERY clear on that point.

It’s like those people who say Joker X Harley Quinn is their ideal dark, edgy relationship: no it’s not, it’s abusive! Morticia x Gomez is dark and cool but CONSENTUAL and HEALTHY. This… this is a deeply imbalanced person murdering someone and telling themselves after that fact it was special and rare and magical. ITS HOMICIDE! And even if you write that out (and you shouldn’t, because that changes the character arc of every other major character) it’s still got more red flags that a soviet military parade. This is the botulinum of a toxic, one-sided teenage infatuation. Riz’s entire arc is about how he projects his thoughts and feelings about himself onto this idealised, made-up version of his and Tem’s relationship which, from Tem’s point of view, never existed. Riz never loved Tem: he loved the idea of Tem, the idea that someone would see the real him, see his inner pain and accept him anyway, but he never once told Tem this. He didn’t warn him “Hey, because of you I don’t feel I need my meds any more, do you mind if I try not taking them and we can meet and talk about this in a safe, well-lit pace?” He’s not honest with Tem, and on top of that It doesn’t make sense from the point of view of either of the characters for them to be actually, romantically in love (although they were clearly close friends), because it undermines and cheepens Riz desire to just be seen and accepted for his real self, and the cannon Tem X Els ship. It also doesn’t make sense from a story point of view: Riz is a shadow archetype for Legosi. He’s what Legosi would have become if someone hadn’t interrupted his attack on Haru. That’s why Legosi needs to beat Riz with his own hands: because then he’s beating the darker version of himself he’s been carrying with him, and he can finally move on with Haru guilt-free. Having Riz and Tem’s relationship actually be what Riz imagined it to be undoes that. It undoes Riz’s interesting, dark inner struggle between truth and fantasy, it turns Tem’s tragic, unsolved murder that sets the entire story in motion into a just sort of weird Romeo-and Juliet suicide. It’s ruins the character arc not only for Riz, but for Legosi, and also, by extension, Louis and Haru, because Legosi’s internal angst over whether or not herbivores and carnivores can have a relationship as true friends needs this example of a tragic, flawed, toxic, failed friendship to bounce off of.

How it could (sort of) work: an AU where Riz’s attack on Tem is interrupted and Tem lives with a slight arm injury, and doesn’t tell anyone out of his complex feelings for Riz. Meanwhile, that bunny girl from the gardening club had been brutally devoured and Rz and/or Tem are so horrified with how close this was to their own near-miss, they start to investigate the murder, and in doing so get caught up in Louis’ inner struggle. Because that’s how the story needs to work, it’s about duality and struggle: and if Riz takes Legosi’s role, and by dating a herbivore he de facto takes the role, so Legosi must take Riz’s. This could be a great AU!

The better ship you should be doing: Pina/Riz (with a dash of Pina x Els), no, seriously, I’m not shitposting. You want to give Riz a redemption arc with a cute woolly boy? How about a story where Pina, out of a need for closure about at happened to him, starts to visit Riz in jail and they talk, mockingly at first, confrontational at first, but later Pina slowly becoming more fascinated in Riz and Tem’s life and asking Riz for more and more detail until they both bond over their shared traumatic experiences and their sense of loss for Tem’s senseless death, Tem’s unfished life casting a shadow over both off them. Eventually, the two of them find, from Legosi who still has the diary, that Tem had planned out an elaborate and beautiful first date with Els that he never got to take her on, and Riz, guilt ridden and sad than Tem never got this beautiful moment, decides to ask Pina take her on that date for Tem, with Riz coaching him by phone cyano-de-Bergerac style, Riz finally getting some closure that he helped one of Tem’s wishes come true and finally acknowledging to himself that Tem had a life and loves outside of him that were cut of short by his actions, and just crying over his lost friend, as Pina and Els slow-dance in Tem memory. Or if you just want to see Tem awkwardly date a carnivore boy from school, why not something less creepy and more wholesome and ship him with Jack? That would be cute AF, and more importantly, not romanticize brutal murder. Or an AU where everything is happy and nice, I’d argue at that it’s no longer Beastars at that point, but if it makes you happy, go for it. Let’s not shame anyone here.

Snape X Lilly (Harry Potter)

Why I hate this ship: honestly, it’s not for the reason you think; I just like Snape too much as a tragic character, and making him in any way happy destroys his arc in my opinion. The objection’s others have raised: that Snape acts in a worryingly possessive stalker-ish way towards Lilly, and that if Voldemort had gone for Nevil rather than Harry as a child Snape would have remained a loyal death eater, are true and I acknowledge them as having some validity, but that’s not why I can’t stand this ship. Snape is supposed to be a morally and emotionally complex, tragic figure. That “After all this time?” line was the best line in the Deathly Hallows. Snape is supposed to show the equality destructive and redemptive power of love. It’s sort of trinity: Lilly shows the pure power of true, unconditional love in her sacrifice to save Harry, Voldy shows what self-destruction and cruelty a life without understanding love leads to, and Snape sits somewhere in the middle: his one-sided un-requited love being both the cause of his darkest, and his greatest actions. His curse, and his redemption, fall and rise. Making him happy messes that up.

How to (kinda) fix this ship: make them miserable. Make them fall for each-other only to be pulled apart by circumstance (you know, like they were in the darn original source material). You’re serious about making this a tragic, dark romance? Don’t ship them when they’re at school: Ship them during Voldemort’s rise to power, in the 80’s, after Lilly is married. Have the original Order of the Phoenix send her to meet with Snape and use their previous relation to try to milk some information out of him. Have her feel conflicted about it, have James furious about it, but have her do it anyway for the greater good. Have her meet up secretly with Snape who is angry and distrustful, knowing his must be a trap, and talk. Have the relationship slowly build over time against the backdrop of a cold-war spy thriller, as Lilly slowly realizes that she has some lingering feelings for Snape, but can’t reconcile them her loyalty to the order and her family. Make this a love story of conflicted feelings, divided loyalties, and spy-work against the background of drawing war-clouds. Have Snape offer to leave Voldemort, if she’ll leave the Order, and run away with him, but by that point she knows she’s pregnant and chooses to stay, out of loyalty even though she’s crushing on Snape. Have him show up at the rendezvous expecting for her to be there only for James to lead an Order Ambush, and a fight to ensure, on top of Tower Bridge in the howling wind and rain, Snape surviving but having his spirit crushed and fleeing before Lilly can tell him her true feelings. Make it big, and melodramatic, but above all, make it tragic. Because that’s the only way Snape works as a character. Always.

The better ship you should be doing: Ginny X Nevil or Luna x Nevil: You want tragic lovers, at school, with divided loyalties, who never get together in the main cannon because a Potter ruins it and gets the girl? Ginny X Nevil. Write what was happening that final year Harry wasn’t at school when they took Dumbledore’s Army and make it work in earnest. Heck, you could even have Snape, as headmaster, hated by them but secretly trying to protect them as a secondary character to their secret, forbidden love. You don’t want to break up Harry X Ginny? Luna X Nevil is sweet and wholesome, but also tragic as they never get a chance, having their school life taken over by the horror of that final year and the need to fight for their very souls in a school run by Death Eaters and the trauma of the Battle of Hogwarts meaning that in order to put away the past and move on, they need to leave each other behind. Hell, do an AU where they canonically end up together, why not? They deserve happiness.

Dean / Sam AKA Wincest (Supernatural)

Why I hate this ship: They’re brothers. The show even makes a joke about how squick this is. Several times.

How you could (sort of) fix this ship: You can’t: They’re brothers. The show even makes a joke about how squick this is. I guess a body-swap arc could fix this, as it’s less squicky if its just their bodies with someone else’s minds, but seriously, the reasons why this shouldn’t exist are extensively covered in the show, and it was hilarious. To be honest, I don’t hate this ship done as a joke, but I have seen some dark spots on the internet, and I can say with all honesty it’s not always treated as a joke. Some folks are really invested in this, and all I can ask is, is your home life okay?

Now, done as a joke, I’m 110% behind this. This is exactly the sort of insane wacky bullshit that makes for a good crack-fic. For example imagine that the supernatural threat of the week was book that made anything written in it come true, and the brothers are trying to find and destroy it, but they keep getting distracted by their burgeoning romantic feelings for each-other, and suddenly realise that the owner of the book is a fan on the in-universe novels, and writing slash-fic in the book. They need to find the writer before they make them do something they’ll both regret, but it’s just so distracting when Sam’s beautiful eyes are right there and- dammit, Sam, it’s happening again! Make Sam less concerned and even a little amused, with it, but make Dean hate what’s going on. Especially when the writer’s description suddenly makes Sam noticeably better hung that him. Make the villain turn out to be Becky from “Sympathy for the devil” and end with them trying to take the book away as she writes frantically to force them to do her bidding, and you’ve got yourself a good fic.

The better ship you should be doing: Cas/Sam or Cas/Dean or Cas/Sam AND Dean fic. Duh. Once again the show-runners beat the fans to the mark and pointed out that this is the best ship, and then they took it away just to fuck with us.

Any Katniss ship that ignores her obsession with Emotional Security Logic. (The Hunger Games)

Why I hate these ships: Katniss is, briefly put, a mess before the books ever start, her father’s death and harsh upbringing have arguably given her PTSD before she ever volunteers for the reaping, and it doesn’t get better from there. In psychology, Emotional Security Theory (EST) is a hypothesis that the heightened emotions surrounding repeated violent exposures leaves children vulnerable to dysregulated distress responses and eventual psychopathology, aka, why Kat be so messed up. Her internal monologue makes the books completely clear that her choice in partners is not motivated by normal affections, but by deep, deep fear. A fear of loss, abandonment and death that leads her to make every decision about what minimises her, and her sister’s, exposure to potential physical and emotional harm. It’s frantic, fraught, cold survivalist thinking. And the other characters in the book notice and acknowledge it! “Which of us will she pick?” “She’ll pick whoever she can’t survive without.” Kat doesn’t like herself for it, but she does eventually admit to herself that she makes her decisions like this.

How do we fix this ship: Ship Kat with whoever you like, but give her a good reason to pick them: and in Kat’s mind “A good reason” is based on Emotional Security Logic, she needs to have a pressing reason why this ship makes her and her sister safer. Do that, and you’ve got yourself a good Katniss story. Don’t do that, and while you may or may not have a good story, the person staring in it isn’t Katniss Everdeen anymore.

The better ship you should be writing: Finick X Annie. Or, Haymitch prequel ships

FinAnn. This, this ship has some real potential to it, and is criminally underutilized. Finick and Annie’s relationship is one of the most tragic and romantic in the story, and has so much to offer. Or, if you want to have a hard-bitten character from district 12 struggling with trying to find love in the hellish combat of the games, do a prequel in which Haymitch finds love in the capitol during training, but loses then in the area and turns to drink as a result. Heck, you could even have some fun with this and turn it into a dark comedy, or a great tragic love story, whatever you like. It’s got potential, and his backstory is vague enough you could do a lot with it.

So, tell me below why I’m wrong, and have fun with your writing: just because I hate that ship doesn’t mean you should. Enjoy yourselves.

I’m off to write awful Ax/Pina/Luna Polyjuice’d into Nevil/Cas/Finick fiction set at an anime high-school that fights a magical war against other fictional schools, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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un-beel-ievable · 5 years

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The demon brothers making plushies that look like MC 🧸

Author’s note: Please do not repost!! If you like my writing, please leave a like and a comment (and follow me to see similar content in the future :D)!

_____

Lucifer ☕:

• It's impeccable, as everything Lucifer does is. Lucifer's attention to detail is second to none.

• He tries to play the plushie off as no big deal, but literally everyone can see how much effort he's put into his handicraft. The eyes of the plushie are the exact same hue as yours are (Remember when Lucifer disappeared for a week and didn't tell anyone where he was going? I'll tell you now -he was wandering from craft shop to craft shop, trying to find thread that would reflect just how beautiful your eyes are.), and he's somehow managed to replicate a tiny version of your favourite graphic tee -down to the small imperfection on the printed design.

• Wherever he goes, the plushie follows. If he's taking a power nap, it sits on his pillow. If he's doing work at his table, it sits on his laptop, ready to help (however much a plushie can help, anyway). Even when he's in student council meetings, the plushie follows. (Diavolo thinks it's adorable, and has a miniature chair custom made for the "newest student council member". Lucifer can't decide on whether Diavolo is mocking him or not.)

Mammon 💳

• He tried his best, he really did. And I'm not saying that because the plushie he made was terrible, no, it was actually pretty decent!

• He doesn't have a clue on how plushies are made, but when he saw the plushie you made of him, he decided he wanted one too. But of you, of course.

• He's too prideful (More like your big brother than you'd like to admit, huh, Mammon?) and embarrassed to admit to you that he has no idea what he's doing, so instead of asking you for help, he turns to YouTube videos and craft blogs to learn how to crochet. After restarting his 2nd row for the 76th time and having to untangle his ball of yarn for the 40th, he's almost ready to admit defeat.

• But then he imagines how happy you'd be when you laid eyes on the plushie he'd made of you (because "EVERYONE would want a plushie made by the GREAT Mammon, it's an honour to be chosen to be MY model." )...and suddenly he's crocheting like he's been practicing for years instead of hours, breezing through instructional videos and reading written patterns like a pro.

• His final product is slightly lopsided...but other than that it's really good!! Especially for someone who had never touched a crochet hook in his life before.

• Uses mini you to practice asking real you out.

Leviathan 🎮

• Is relatively decent at using a sewing machine. After all, he tailors his own cosplay. (And if a new season of 'Ruri-chan: Magical Girls Forever!' comes out and Ruri-chan happens to be wearing an outfit he particularly likes in it...sometimes he creates a tiny replica of it for his Ruri-chan nesoberi.)

• Ruri-chan has her own shrine in a corner of Levi's room...and now you do as well!

• Your "shrine" is basically a wooden shelf (painted in your favourite colour, of course) with a cork board mounted on the wall above it. Plushie you sits on a tiny throne on the shelf, with all the presents the real you has ever gifted him surrounding your cotton stuffed twin. The noticeboard holds a countless number of momentos -mostly photographs of the two of you and tickets from all the anime concerts and events you guys have been to.

• (The throne you sit on is a replica of the fairy queen's rose quartz throne in season 4, episode 19 of ‘Ruri-chan: Magical Girls Forever!' . Official merchandise, of course; there are only about 50 of the official ones left in existence. Ruri-chan had been perched on this very throne for over a decade, all of the other demon brothers were shocked when Levi dethroned Ruri-chan just for you.)

Satan 📚

• His plushie is perfect. Almost...too perfect.

• He's become an expert in plushie making after ploughing through an endless mountain of craft books and making his way through all the handicraft videos to ever exist. And his work shows the results of his diligent research...his final product looks machine made. Flawless. No one can fault him on technique...his work is outstanding. But somehow, something is still...off. It's too perfect, too lifeless. There's no personality to it whatsoever.

• So he spends the next week experimenting with different techniques and materials. He tries crocheting, knitting, making sock plushies...but somehow he still can't capture what makes you...you.

• Mammon notices Satan giving himself a brain aneurysm over this, and makes a comment on instead of trying to think his way through the situation like he always does, he should just "feel for it, you know? Put some heart into it."

• Mammon usually says some strange things...but this time Mammon's words actually seem to resonate with Satan. So he gives it a shot, and pours his entire heart and soul into the next plushie he makes. While the plushie looks virtually the same as all his other attempts, somehow this one feels different.

• It feels right.

Asmodeus 👄

• Commissions someone to make the plushie of you for him

• Okay, so he doesn't make the plushie by himself (he doesn't want to break a nail). But he's incredibly involved in the designing process.

• Fusses over everything from the measurements to the exact colour (and I mean exact ) of thread they're gonna use to embroider on your eyes. Makes whoever he's commissioning do multiple samples throughout the process, and if he even finds 1 tiny fault with it he tells them to burn it and start over. His criticism is brutal, but if it isn't going to be perfect then what's the point?

• When a plushie is finally made to his satisfaction, he immediately gets down to the incredibly important task of creating a doll sized replica of your closet. He's incredibly through, there's even a tiny version of that one sock you have that's had a rip through the heel for years.

Beelzebub 🍔

• Poor Beel has no idea what he's doing...not even a little bit.

• He's watched the same crafting video so many times that half of that content creator's revenue is probably generated solely by Beelzebub himself.

• Where is he supposed to insert his crochet hook again? Oops...time to rewatch the video for the 286th time, I guess...

• His massive, beefy hands are just not made to do delicate handicrafts. He's already lost several sewing needles (pray to Simeon that no one steps on them) and his balls of yarn seem to be getting tangled up with each other just from him looking at them?? Oh, and he snapped a crochet hook clean in half just now, because he set it down on the table too hard. He's crying because all these things are happening and he has no idea why.

• Belphie walks in on the catastrophe and is pretty surprised to see his brother sobbing over a ball of yarn. Beel's never really been that into handicrafts. But when Belphie sees that Beel has actually set his snacks to the side just to concentrate on making this plushie of you...Belphie knows it's serious between the two of you.

• Belphie offers to help his twin out and between the 2 of them, they manage to finish the plushie within the next couple of days (instead of the next couple of years...which is how long it would take if Beel was left to his own devices).

• "Look!! I even attached a tag that says 'made by Belphie and Beel'!" :3

• (Please be proud of this wholesome boi.)

Belphegor 🛏

• Isn't that bad at handicrafts.

• He used to do them with Lilith, back before the war. She was amazing with her hands...much better than he was. She made him one of his cow plushies...he's always treasured it, but after she passed it became all the more precious to him. Her namesake now sits on the softest pillow he has in his bed...the cow plushie to lead all cow plushies.

• He's seen the way you've looked at Lilith (the cow plushie)...and knows while you don't hate her or it, it must be difficult to have a constant reminder of someone whose shadow you'll never know if you can step out of.

• So he decides to make a plushie of you. Not to replace Lilith (both the cow plushie and his actual sister), but as a symbol of his affection for you. To remind you that you're just as important to him as Lilith was (and maybe even more so).

• His plushie making process mostly goes off without a hitch; he doesn't encounter any major problems. He still remembers the basics, and unlike Beel he doesn't have the physical strength to snap his tools in half...he's too sleepy (All that potential nap time wasted on plushie making...).

• His finished product takes up a pride of place on his pillow beside Lilith (the cow plushie). Knowing that the 2 of you are watching over him while he sleeps makes him feel truly happy for the first time in years.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me game #obey me headcanons #headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor

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cooltrainererika · 4 years

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A Star Wars Noob’s ideas for fixing the Disney sequels

Okay so just to get this out there, because it won’t leave my mind.

So I’ve been binging on SW lately and the sequels only annoy me more and more by the day. So just wanted to throw my character ideas out into the world. Focusing on characters because I like writing characters way more than plot. Hopefully if I ever actually write this thing, or even somehow pitch it to someone with the right connections to animate it with the actors as voice actors, this wouldn’t have gone viral. But since no one looks at my blog it probably won’t lol. Hopefully.

But just in case, I’ll say that this will probably contain spoilers for a story which may or may not exist by the time you read this.

I’ve deliberately been trying to avoid as much emotional spoilers and normal spoilers as I can before the sequels despite the temptation, so sorry if some stuff is a bit off. Augh I hope I can get the time to watch the full OT and PT soon. I was too tired from hiking when I watched SW4 and I now really wish my dad didn’t show me when I was half-asleep.

Rey: Rainbow of possibilities; Cynical Scavenger, Adventure-seeking Audience Surtogate Geek, or Lawful Good to the core Paladin Padawan with a personal grudge, and may be descended from a family line, maybe not, but currently most likely a Skywalker by blood. Story and other character arcs change dramatically depending on which route chosen.

Finn: Stoic soldier man learns power of friendship, finds meaning of life, causes Stormtrooper mutiny, probably becomes a Jedi and second main character and hooks up with Rey. “What‘s a joke?”. Awkward dork and stunted socially but doing his best. May instinctively find it hard to disobey orders. He may be the one wanting to find his family; but that’s dropped soon enough to focus on what’s ahead.

(Alternatively: Proud warrior guy who acts like a stereotypical North Korean soldier who finds himself outside the First Order, learns power of friendship etc. The rest is the same)

Poe Dameron: What we Japanese people call The Aniki. The funny charismatic ace pilot who keeps everyone sane, overall bro. Wholesome but a bit rough, that guy you would want to share a beer with. But within that easygoing nature burns a hotblooded, determined, dutiful streak, and an even stronger snarky streak. The one with the social skills. Loves his droid like his son though Cynical!Rey and Finn find that initially kind of stupid/strange.

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo: Appears to be yet another quietly imposing Star Wars villain with added edgelord factor, but actually a mentally unstable, borderline yandere berserker of a man crushed under the weight of a legacy, with a horrifying inferiority complex, identity issues, and an unhealthy obsession with familial honor, constantly stuck between Dark and Light. Despite his high rank, basically the First Order’s attack dog. Usually has the emotional maturity of a 16-year-old, if not younger. If anyone is, he’s the damsel in distress of this story.

Luke Skywalker: Cuddly sunshine headmaster sage doing his best, has been on many adventures before that are hidden ads to future Lucasfilm projects. May have gone to search for answers as to what is causing recent events, or is still present at the beginning. May survive at the end. He could be anywhere from kind of jaded but at his core still that sweet optimist, to Basically Uncle Iroh, to can-literally-summon-Porgs-by-whistling/Space Sage Mr. Rogers.

Han Solo: General of the Republic Armed Forces or courier who decided military life just wasn’t for him and now delivers important messages through still unstable areas of the New Republic, a war hero, and a dad doing his best. Wants to hold hope but may have at least outwardly given up on Ben, with Poe filling in the void. Has gone clean from his life of crime and still married 30+ years strong with Leia. He would be the one who is the closest to Poe if he’s still in the military and Leia is a Jedi, with Poe being seen as his likely successor. He might die at the end of 8? Maybe Hamill and Carrie would somehow talk him into sticking around past 7? He might still die in 7?

(Side note: I wish we could have seen Old Harrison Ford in a military casual coat-cape. He would have looked awesome in it. I mean no one would really complain that he plays fast and loose with the dress code if there even is one, he’s Han freakin’ Solo and he gives no f*cks.)

Leia Organa-Solo: Preferably a Jedi Knight, leader while he’s away if he’s away as well as their tactician, or senator considering her personality; maybe have basically what Colin Trevorrow planned for her (I mean… why not just use CGI at this point? They’ve done it before. I’m sure Carrie wouldn’t have wanted her swan song to be such a passive role either), with her bond with Luke being a major factor and us actually being able to see it in practice. May have outwardly given up on her son as well, but still is at the end of the day a mom doing her best. Basically a strong, smart lady like how she’s always been.

Chewbacca: How he always is, but he plays more of a role than basically the guy bussing the cast around, an active combat role definitely. Han’s second in command and maybe fellow dad. Possibly the part-time chaperone of the mess that is the new main duo. Also was Ben’s first friend, and you bet there will be drama here.

Lando Calrissian: Business mogul who probably helps the heroes out, maybe by selling them stuff and using his many connections to get information. And/or he’s basically an economic diplomat for the Republic. Has known Ben since he was a child and may have snuck him on too many joyrides without telling Leia, to her chagrin and Han’s amusement.

Grand Admiral Armitage Hux: Basically how he was in SW7. Calculating, manipulative, coldhearted, intelligent, and ruthless, the brains to Kylo’s brawn. Son of former Imperial officers, killed his own father to get where he is. Gives no f*cks, except when he goes full ham. Maybe even he goes cold and pale if Kylo starts getting angry, just to show how terrifying he can be, but I also like the idea of him being one of two people who can manipulate Kylo out of a tantrum and not end up a pile of flesh or choked to death.

Captain Phasma: How she is in supplemental material probably. A walking chrome machine of merciless death. Probably not very talkative, and probably does not take defectors lightly. She may defect at the end or not depending on how truly evil she’s portrayed to be, but I’m thinking she’s likely this cruel disciplinarian who expects complete and utter, machine-like obedience to the end, and Finn flinches at the mere mention of her, though she herself is equally as extremely loyal to the cause.

Snoke: A mysterious being, the likes of which are not of this galaxy. Probably some kind of ancient eldritch abomination who can torment vulnerable minds with an untraceable curse. Not your average Sith, and despite how it may seem it may not be connected to them at all… Or perhaps it is. Or perhaps it itself serves a larger master. It wants to use Kylo Ren for… something. Just what it is is what Luke has been trying to find out for years.

Knights of Ren: Idea borrowed from Thor Skywalker (check him out on YouTube!); possibly a military cult of Sith/Vader worshippers who see Ben as the second coming of Vader, and have aligned themselves with Snoke. Probably basically Kylo’s personal guard and troops. Or possibly directly liked to whatever otherworldly entit(ies?) Snoke is, not being of this galaxy themselves.

Anakin Skywalker: Determined grandpa doing his best for his kids, grandkid(s), and the galaxy. Doesn’t appear often, but plays a major role in the story; maybe he’s the one who led Rey to his lightsaber, and maybe he advises Luke while training Rey, or secretly follows Kylo, trying to speak to him but unable to be seen or heard by him. He’d be the one who ultimately convinces Ben to return to the light, and to, in an echo of the words Ben heard when he was being impersonated, “finish what I started”.

Rose Tico: A probably relatively new, wide-eyed young recruit in the Republic Military, and maybe seeks revenge on First Order for killing or kidnapping her sister. Not sure if she will be needed, but if there’s room for her she might be interesting. Maybe she’s one of Poe’s friends or part of his squad. She could also be the resident girly girl because there aren’t many of those here.

Vice-Admiral Amberlyn Holdo: She’s in the Aftermath books, and those seem pretty good, so she’s probably how she is there. A quirky mostly background character that is probably at most there for Han and/or Leia and Ackbar to give commands to and salute back, but most importantly she actually does her job properly, even if she’s still a bit of an odd person. Also Poe knows her and they have a way more amicable work relationship. Also give her something which actually looks like something military personnel would wear. She could even be a legitimately good tactician who comes up with off-the-wall tactics.

(Side note: I heard that she basically has the Star Wars version of Autism, and while I’d appreciate that as an Aspie myself, I’ll also have to say that Autistic people would probably be terrible military leaders due to us not being able to adjust to sudden changes well and our bad communication skills. So yeah, sorry, unless she’s recast to something like, say, a mechanic or logistics or medic or any other more Autistic-friendly job, that’s going to have to go)

Maz Kanada: …Admittedly not sure what to do with her. But she’s more likely to be an acquaintance of Lando before Han, if she doesn’t know both. In fact, Lando may be introduced early alongside her. But she would still have the important role of keeping Anakin’s saber; how she has it, either Lando found it, or basically what was cut from TFA showing that she’s indeed pretty awesome.

BB-8: BB-8 doesn’t have to change. He’s perfect as he is. Maybe what he can do should be more consistent though. Poe and him are basically Ash and Pikachu, they stick together whenever possible. If Rey or Finn need a droid to tag along and Poe isn’t in the party at the moment, R2 is right there. I once read a fanfic in which BB-8 was actually a droid Luke made for Ben and I liked the idea… though it probably would be a bit of an unnecessary detail in practice.

R2-D2 and C3P0: They’re basically business as usual. They would still have that boke-tsukkomi dynamic they had going on, sometimes with the added childlike cuteness of BB-8 in the mix. If there’s any extra time left for comic relief scenes, or if they’re sent on some kind of mission together, I can see these three messing around doing their thing (or rather, BB being childlike, cute and curious, Threepio being overly nervous, and Artoo being too old for this sh*t and/or BB’s cool uncle/older brother) being both cute and hilarious.

Also Worldbuilding stuff will be featured at the bottom

Elaboration on the “big four” of the sequel cast:

Rey: Aged 19, speaks with Daisy Ridley’s normal accent, not RP (I mean really, her accent isn’t that hard to understand). A whole rainbow of possibilities with this lady, though many don’t realize it. I might be leaning towards her being Luke’s daughter, though her being Just Rey may also be interesting, and her still being a descendant of Palpatine or the main villain could also have potential, though if Finn is a Jedi I don’t think there’s any need for her parents to be nobody. But the three main routes I can think of for her are these three: Cynical!Rey, a Rey with a backstory identical to the canon Rey from her abandonment onwards, Fangirl!Rey, a sort of estimation of a dorky female Star Wars nerd in-universe and the most lighthearted start out of the three, and Padawan!Rey, a Rey who is already Luke’s Padawan at his academy. Maybe making her starting point less crushingly bleak and Fangirl!Rey could work, but it might dilute both ideas, and that characterization might be a bit too similar to ANH Luke.

As is apparent, Cynical!Rey, is, well, cynical. She’s strong and independent, but extremely distrusting, on-edge, and not used to friendly interaction. Think Female SW4 Han Solo but even more antisocial and probably not even bothering with the bravado, and basically with Anakin’s upbringing except she doesn’t even have a loving mother like Anakin did. Fangirl!Rey was my initial idea but I’m starting to become less partial to it because of the aforementioned similarity to ANH Luke, but my idea was she’s basically Harry Potter, living with stepparents who hate her, or she’s still used as basically child labor but her conditions are nowhere near as bad as Cynical Rey’s, and she would have grown up on stories about the Rebels and the Jedi and everything else in the past movies, collecting every single bit of memorabilia she can get her hands on. If one wants to go for very lighthearted and slightly meta for SW7 this is the route. Padawan!Rey could go anywhere, but I’m thinking she would basically be our D&D Paladin; ever since Ben Solo went berserk and ran off to join the First Order, she’s become very protective of her fellow students and has a really understandable personal grudge against him. She might be the strongest pupil left after the Second Jedi Massacre, and by the end maybe she becomes the successor to headmaster of the academy. It is possible that she was found abandoned on Jakku or Luke’s doorstep, however, so the theme of growing up lonely is there, and because being a Jedi is what has given her meaning in life it means a lot to her. But while I don’t want her parentage to be revealed early if it is Luke, it does raise the massive plot hole of why this was never disclosed to her or to Ben.

And yes, I did say fellow students and academy. Wiping the new Jedi Order feels really cheap and it makes the whole hopeful Jedi Starting Anew implication that I’m 90% sure the OT ended on feel very pointless. I’d prefer them still being there, though their inclusion would be obviously way more natural in the Padawan Route. This also has tons of marketing potential for Disney, because I wanted to take IRL realism into account; what’s in it for Disney? Maybe potential to expand on other students and Luke’s academy? It could be like a smaller Jedi Hogwarts/Xavier Institute basically. Though the survivors wouldn’t be too numerous; just, like, four at most. Maybe there would be elements of an Avengers/Infinity War/Endgame-esque team movie, even if the rest are a bit out of focus.

I did think maybe the heroes would still go to Ahch-To after SW7 where Luke would have been hiding with his students researching the new threat, but maybe I could have him stay and sort of take a few cues from Harry Potter by introducing the heroes to the world of the Jedi early and giving them a break in the action as they settle in their new homes, so there’s more time to develop the padawan side characters, what the academy is like, and Luke gets to appear in SW7 as well so there can be a OT trio “reunion” (not a reunion in-universe). Though that kind of messes with other parts I want to include like Rey and Finn having to take on Kylo and getting completely whipped because he’s a rampaging madman before having to be saved by Luke. Also Rey getting kidnapped has potential for developing her trust in others, and her and Finn getting a breather moment at the Republic after the heroes and Han regroup would kind of remove a point where that could be easily slotted in the story. It would also require everything before this to be crammed in the first act.

(Newer edit 5/27/21) I also like her getting a golden double-bladed saber like many fans depict her. It’s not only awesome looking (because she only gets her own saber at the end of TROS… Why?), but it’s more toys for the moichendise! It fits her starting with a staff, it has more reach, and it would fit Cynical Rey especially for her to have a style centered around keeping as much of herself defended as possible. Watching Battlefront 2 footage has made me think about fighting styles a bit, and if she and Finn are a duo how their styles of combat might compliment each other, especially as their relationship develops (coincidentally she and Finn apparently are a very good combination in BF2). A Cynical Rey would probably contrast the most, with a fighting style based on keeping enemies away, trickery, and defense (a good choice for a blade made of light), maybe a bit wild at first but initially her goal in fighting would be to hold out until there is an opening to get the hell out, only staying to fight if she has no other option. Fangirl Rey wouldn’t really have a fighting style initially, and it’s gonna be very dependent on where her arc goes. Padawan Rey would have the most Prequel Jedi-esque, choreographed style, showing a lot of skill though not quite mastering it and with tons of openings at first. A Cynical Rey may have an uncanny skill to detect suspicious people, which would make her trusting the heroes easier, and though this ability isn’t super strong and is more “a slight gut feeling but it could be nothing” than “human lie detector” it could maybe be honed more. And while not quite wall vision like in BF2 (because wat? Where do they come up with this stuff?), maybe she’s good at detecting people’s presences too. These are very apt ambient skills for someone in her position. Meanwhile, Fangirl!Rey would have probably suspected she had the Force already, and her ambient abilities could be whatever, just rather passive abilities unless trained.

If she is Luke’s daughter though, that would open up the can of worms of who her mother is. Just making it so that she died before the events of SW7 might seem a bit… unfortunate? I kind of want Luke to have found love sometime (and seriously with how much of a bombshell young Luke was, in addition to him being such a hero, I’m shocked that he never got one. I can see why Mara Jade wanted a piece of that. *wolf whistle*), but then I’d have to figure out how to incorporate her in this already character-dense story without her having cheaply died offscreen. I might be able to think of something? I could always go digging in the dusty pile of old fan theories, I might find something good. Thor Skywalker did hint at her but his story stopped at the end of where SW8 would have. If I do name her Mara there’s probably going to be extra pressure to do something with her. …But I can’t be the only one who thinks that Daisy Ridley kind of looks like Natalie Portman. Then again I’m pretty face-blind. I guess blond hair and blue eye color genes are also recessive traits for Star Wars humans. Though it seems the height genes skipped a generation because she’s actually pretty tall for a woman at 170 cm - I’m sorry what. That’s as tall as the average Japanese man! Holy sh*t Daisy! She only looks a bit small because she’s often depicted with Kylo and Kylo makes everyone not Phasma look diminutive. I guess Ben would get it from Anakin and Han (though he’s still taller than both of them…), so maybe a taller actress would be cast as Mara (?). And despite Rey’s malnourishment in the Cynical route, this actually isn’t that implausible, because stunted growth apparently only happens if children are deprived from gestation to about 2 years of age.

And again, why wouldn’t Ben know about this? But if this isn’t the Padawan!Rey route (the hardest to incorporate Rey The Actual Skywalker into), maybe Ben took Rey’s assumed death as even more of a reason to burden himself with the entire Skywalker legacy? This would give him a reason to already care about her.

Further edits: According to the Aftermath books, Jakku was a “Lightside Nexus” planet. Maybe this has to do with her powers? (Perhaps she was kept sane by the Force speaking to her on occasion, in dreams or as she lies staring at the ceiling after a long day, showing her the loving life she used to live and unknown to her she will return to someday). Or why she was dropped there? Maybe she was supposed to be living with Lor San Tekka (the old guy Kylo kills at the beginning of TFA), but got lost one day or was kidnapped by bandits to be a scavenger because her small size would have been perfect for getting loot from small spaces? Why not take her back then? This probably is one of the biggest plot knots in the Cynical Rey Skywalker route, alongside who her mother is.

Small detail lightning round before moving on: I once read a Japanese fic, and in it she mentioned she hates alcohol because she saw how it turned people into monsters. I actually kind of liked this headcanon, and maybe a bit unexpected. Though there’s also the route of her just being too used to it, setting her apart from previous more wholesome protagonists even more. Also Daisy would have to start hitting the gym and protein shakes because I think her character design evolving from her thin build to a very athletic, Wonder Woman-esque body type would be pretty good in representing her growth as a character, and combined with her height she would be so very badass looking.

Finn: Probably around 23? Infamous for lost potential, so his backstory is the same. However, I’m thinking that due to his dehumanizing upbringing, he’s a bit robotic and pretty stoic initially, a total opposite to Poe. He doesn’t understand jokes or sarcasm, and now that he’s completely left the life he’s always known, he feels pretty lost. He would basically act like a male Rei Ayanami, though I was going more for Drax at first. Alternatively, he’s a proud warrior type, imagine a stereotypical North Korean/Prussian soldier. He’d be a bit more emotional and probably less cartoonish here (I mean I have compared Star Wars to anime but full-on anime tropes in live action probably looks super corny), and he’s a massive hardass who also doesn’t get sarcasm or jokes and fanatical and would have thought of his fellow soldiers as a collective as his band of brothers and comrades, collectively serving the FO like a smoothly running machine. My initial thought was that after a life of war crimes and the influence a certain pilot whose cell he was guarding who gave him his name, and maybe witnessing the death of a comrade, he had defected from the FO, but I started thinking it would be plausible if he defected from the FO probably by accident. Highly likely to be the second protagonist, if not POV character, and if so I think it’s logical that it’s Finnrey that becomes the canon ship here. In the Padawan!Rey route, he’s the newcomer protagonist, not Rey. If they’re shipped, or even as friends, they may bond over their dehumanizing, harsh backgrounds and the feeling of being lost in the world. Also he likely starts a mutiny. Like it was such an obvious plot point but they never use it for some bizarre reason. It’s like the DM didn’t read his character sheet at all. Actually one didn’t and the other kept forgetting it in the third campaign.

There’s two ways I think his arc could go; first would be a focus mainly on his search for identity and becoming his own person. Second, his guilt about having done the First Order’s bidding for so long. Probably a combination of the two, though I’m not sure how to address them both. He also wants to see his colleagues free from slavery. But I am sure about I’d that he’d have to overcome his conditioning, learning to regain his humanity.

Especially if Rey is a Skywalker and he becomes a Jedi, he’d be the one who the movie makes a point about being from nowhere. He has no idea who his parents are, but it would not even matter in the end, it’s what he makes of his life from here on out. And if he and Rey end up together, which is extremely likely in this scenario, he not only finds his family in the figurative sense with the other Jedi and his new friends plus girlfriend, but in the literal sense as well, going from nameless Stormtrooper FN-2187, to just Finn the ex-Stormtrooper, to Finn the Padawan and then Jedi Knight, to finally, Finn Skywalker, Jedi Knight; maybe the last movie ends with one of them proposing to the other, with SW8 having previously ended with the climactic big damn kiss that cemented that they are a thing now. (Cue Luke jokingly asking when he’s getting grandchildren and How It Should Have Ended!Anakin squeeing over him getting great-grandchildren lol) His name would have this real symbolic value to it with how it changes as he goes from nobody to somebody. Not to mention “Finn Skywalker” is just a freakin’ awesome name. If they make up the leading duo, he and Rey may have some kind of inherent connection, or they progress into two parts of the same whole, even attaining something like a Dyad.

I thought an interesting thing to do if Rey is a Skywalker, and this is Cynical Rey, is a twist on the expected pattern by making him the one who sees the good in Kylo, not Rey. Because while Rey might be his cousin, she’s also a very distrustful person who couldn’t afford to think deeply about people act the way they do when she was growing up and fighting to survive. Meanwhile, Finn knows Kylo, and he also knows what it’s like to be determined to be a killing machine from a very young age, and if he has to forgive himself, or if he’s able to see the light, that Kylo deserves a chance as well. It would be the ultimate show of kindness from him, to show him forgiving the man who works so loyally under the same organization that enslaved him. I can also see Kylo being angry at himself for being unable to sense the Force-Sensitive in their midst.

Maybe he was born on a “Lightside nexus” planet too so that it makes sense that he can keep up with other characters? Presuming he’s in his early 20s, I don’t think him being raised by the Order since he was a baby is that plausible, so maybe he was already an orphan? I can see the First Order spinning their Stormtrooper program kidnapping street orphans as “rehabilitating” them, which combined with good old Victorian style citizen apathy to street children allows them to get away with it. But if he was, say, around 6 years old when he was taken away, it would make sense why he was able to break out of his programming. Perhaps Poe showing him friendship awoke the humanity long dormant in him. But on the other hand, the younger, adolescent soldiers may be beyond saving, and I can see that being absolutely heartbreaking.

I can see his fighting style with a saber being direct, forceful, and pragmatic, but unlike Rey the emphasis would be on engaging and keeping up the fight, and be very disciplined, calculated, and controlled in contrast to Cynical Rey. At least he’d attempt it while he gets used to the properties of a lightsaber, before there would probably be a lot of awkwardness as John is directed to swing this weightless prop blade with a weighted hilt like he would a club or sword. If he isn’t a Force Sensitive, he’s a good sniper just like in BF2, in fact this would be his primary combat ability, though still able to hold his own in melee combat. Though even as a Jedi he’d probably still use a gun as a sidearm, and his good aim would also translate to him being very good at spotting openings and spotting danger from a distance, as well as enhanced ability to dodge.

Poe Dameron: Age 29 (?). A total bro. I’ve kind of come to think of him as this embodiment of the good, wholesome side of traditional masculinity. I can best describe him as the guy you expect to think of when you think of the guy who takes the boys to the bar for beers on the house and hosts Super Bowl night (for the Americans out there). Basically just that big bro/cool uncle everyone likes. I think he’s the least changed from how he is in SW7; he’s a laid-back pilot with no special powers, and while he’s probably the most static and admittedly flat character (and unfortunately more minor than the other two) he has tons of charisma and optimism to compensate, though being the one who keeps everyone sane definitely helps. Not to mention his piloting skills; which, note, are never eclipsed by Rey, because that’s dumb. His skills are a bit more downplayed here, but he’s still extremely good, especially for his age. Despite being the pilot he’s the most down-to-earth, and may be the only one of the big four with any social skills, even if he’s a bit dorky, especially regarding BB-8.

Son of Rebel pilots, graduated top of his class in the Republic Flight Academy, and his background is squeaky clean, no drug trading involved, though he spent a lot of his adolescence and his adulthood in the Academy or in the military, just like in pre-TROS supplementary material. He’s the main source of jokes and wisecracks out of the trio in all but the most dorky of Fangirl!Rey routes probably, teaching Cynical!Rey and Finn what it’s like to smile and laugh. He still has a close relationship with Leia and Han; possibly closer to the latter due to the latter being a pilot and likely still a General. Not sure about him keeping his rank because him starting and staying at the top might mesh awkwardly with the rest of the trio, but maybe he’s still a Commander; whichever makes his inclusion in the main cast most plausible. Due to an adorable Pixiv comic I found he may have been inspired to become a pilot by Luke or Han. I’d like to think that he breaks the hotshot pilot cliché a bit by not being too overly arrogant, immediately setting himself apart from Han by being a wholesome guy there for his buddies from the start, even if he is fond of wisecracking and snarkiness (probably from hanging around Han and Leia), and inside that laid-back personality lies a hotblooded, passionate, unwavering core. Like, he’s not exactly hotheaded like a Latin stereotype (*ahem*), but he’s got this more subtle, but still apparent, underlying fiery hotbloodedness to him, something that especially makes itself apparent in high-stress situations and when it comes to his loved ones. He’d also be Rey and Finn’s mentor of sorts in stuff that doesn’t involve the Force, being their role model for what a functional member of society is. He may make some self-depreciating jokes about being “normal”, but I think mostly he’ll take it in stride. Though I can see him and Han having a chat about this in a more quiet scene.

Ironically, out of the trio he could maybe be said to be the most suited to be a Jedi personality-wise, despite the fact that he has no Force Sensitivity whatsoever; he goes with the flow, he isn’t troubled, he’s happy with the simple pleasures in life, he’s just a good, genuine guy who does good things, passionate but not obsessive, and he’s forgiving, willing to give even an enemy soldier a chance, appealing to the humanity in him. The last one is particularly Luke-like, don’t you think? Oh, to elaborate on the escape; I still like the idea of him giving Finn his name (though another idea I love is a fallen friend giving Finn his name, that would change stuff around a lot from what I am thinking at this moment). I also think that perhaps supplemental material or some flashbacks, or even an animated short could be made showing just how Poe broke Finn’s programming; by showing him genuine kindness, because somehow, despite his lack of Force Sensitivity, he saw that FN-2187 could be talked out of his programming if he was constantly nice to him, befriending him, starting up casual chatter with him, and after a while the trooper starts opening up to this pilot. …Yeah, Luke-like indeed. Though since there is the plot hole of why Finn could be convinced in mere days and why he’s the only one guarding such a high-profile prisoner, a more realistic idea may be that they talk to each other this way a few times, then Poe escapes and Finn goes after him before they both crash on Jakku and have to work together, with Poe immediately being friendly with Finn and later Rey, to his (and her) confusion. (I can just imagine Poe being all chipper and trying to engage Finn in conversation, or telling him “Good job, sport!” after they fight off bandits or something, and Finn just is all deadpan and “We are enemies, we have no reason to fraternize” and I find that kind of cute).

He may ultimately be the most static of the main cast, but I can see him having a huge impact in more subtle ways; like maybe Rey and Finn think of what Poe might do in a given situation in their training, and he could be the catalyst behind why Finn thinks that Kylo can be redeemed, just like how Poe was able to light another way when it felt like there was only one path for him. He also definitely wouldn’t be the type to be so reckless with his men like he was in TLJ, if he’s still a Commander; he cares about his men a lot, and in fact they may be the reason why he tends to act like an older brother. I can imagine a pretty poignant scene with Finn where Finn sees Poe by himself and BB-8 paying respects to his fallen comrades by this handmade cenotaph, as he sets some flowers down and pours a drink to them, and Finn once again is able to see how different the culture outside the First Order is, as he would have never been mourned like that if he died on the battlefield, nor can he imagine he ever would have done so himself. Or maybe Rey is there too, because if this is Cynical Rey she’s only known a life where people exploited each other. Maybe other characters like Jessika (who he’s already close to I think? Did she show up in the movies though?) or Rose would have the opportunity to be more than background characters by being part of his crew, and we’d get some charming scenes about the bond he has with his squadron.

Again, admittedly he’d be the least deep character out of the big four, with his feelings not being explored nearly as much. But he probably doesn’t really hide his feelings much anyway. For any supplementary shorts involving him, they would be mainly lighter stories about his relationship with the OT cast and their families and his friendship with BB-8 and his crew, or action-y ones about missions he’s gone on; as opposed to, say, Finn, which would show his life as an expendable trooper who knew nothing but war, Cynical!Rey and her crushing loneliness and growing disillusionment to the world as she struggles to survive, or Padawan!Rey and her anguish and grappling with the Dark Side in the aftermath of the Jedi Massacre.

I can also imagine him being this adorable Shipper On Deck for Finnrey lol. Just looking at his two friends, all proud, maybe even tearing up like “*sniff* I’m not crying Buddy, you’re crying!” when the inevitable big kiss scene happens. I can also imagine him being the one to tell Finn that “Hey Finn, what you’re feeling is love!”…And then he has to spend hours trying to explain what love even is to him lol. He always has his friends’ back after all. Again, he’s most likely the one guy who isn’t completely socially inept among these dorks. I’ve also had the potential idea that he could maybe be a good cook, and he’d be the one who introduces Rey and Finn to actually good food. Some fics I’ve noticed tend to show him cooking stuff probably for that reason. It’s just kind of cute, and it sets a good example if despite his traditionally masculine, salt-of-the-earth character, he likes some less “manly” stuff like such and sees no shame in it.

He may sacrifice himself in a blaze of glory towards the end, especially because quite frankly he may lose his plot relevance as the story goes on, though it would definitely be way more respectful than a lot of deaths were treated in the sequels. But I also want him to stick around because I want to imagine him being all proud of Rey and Finn after they propose to each other and giddily planning their wedding, and I feel he could have some very good interactions with Ben to build on for any spinoffs taking place after the trilogy. Speaking of…

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo: AKA Yet Another Ball Of Lost Potential: Anti-Villain Addition. This is gonna be a doozy, so strap in. He was probably the most developed character here but that just makes his lost potential stick out even more, so I have so much to say about him.

About 27 probably. While people complain about it, I actually like him being a manchild. It makes him a bit unique in this series. It’s kind of like Vader if he didn’t get stuck in that suit and kept acting like Anakin. In fact, that could make him even more terrifying if that feeds into how destructive he can be; at first he seems like your typical intimidating SW villain, not even that bad a leader with a seemingly calm if tense, imposing air, but it eventually becomes clear he’s this terrifying, volatile berserker who can throw some of the most destructive tantrums ever, and is ultimately a pathetic, broken, pitiful shell of a man. …He just happens to be a very powerful shell of a man. Maybe if he becomes emotional or angry enough, he can unleash powerful shockwaves that basically blow up everything around him, or cause mini Force Storms, or cause any number of unpredictable effects. Though he’s not quite constantly raging either; these berserk states are indeed triggered by anger, but I’m thinking that they are also basically weaponized panic attacks, there’s a sense that it’s also a self-defense mechanism that he lapses into when emotions overwhelm him or when he otherwise feels threatened (though whether it’s necessarily involuntary all the time I’m not so sure; but while he’d definitely want to be able to trigger them voluntarily, there will always be some sense that he doesn’t have full control over it). Also a lot of his rage is directed inwards as well, much like with his grandfather. I thought that maybe his unpredictability in these rages would be the key to his destructiveness, though I can see how someone who is out of control would also pose a problem, no matter how powerful; so maybe this is when he becomes the most focused, becoming locked onto the elimination of the perceived threat at all costs, and/or he can be controlled by his Master more directly like some kind of attack animal.

Luke’s first padawan, or at least after Leia or Grogu (I might make him show up as Luke’s first knighted pupil and allude to this, providing more exposition on Kylo, and being one of the Jedi who help fight in the final battle as the Skywalkers go on to take on the final boss (and Grogu’s name being revealed would be a massive hype moment in The Mandalorian)). Due to his storied family, plus the name of his uncle and grandfather’s own master, he had heavy expectations on his (at the time) small shoulders from an early age. However, he had long been tormented by the Dark Side due to an untraceable curse placed upon him by Snoke, and probably a pre-existing anxious personality. The expectations placed on him, or maybe perhaps just self-imposed expectations, only worsened his turmoil, resulting in a festering mess of self-hatred, extreme perfectionism, and an obsession with familial honor and obsessive attachment to his family, especially Luke, that is a nasty combination of hero-worship and the abovementioned complexes and may border on almost incestuous.

There’s three ways for his backstory to go; “Underachiever Ben”, where Ben is either mediocre as a Jedi or still good but outperformed by others, or “Elsa Ben”, where he’s basically like Elsa from Frozen, possessing an extreme amount of power but barely able to control it, possibly due to Snoke’s curse, and a sort of middle ground, where Ben was super strong and a quick learner, but the dark side in him made Luke feel mixed about Ben’s increasing power, which Ben sensed. If the former, Ben becomes increasingly frustrated at himself for being such a “failure”. If “Elsa Ben”, there’s that, and also the added pain of him growing up terrified of himself and able to sense the terror he causes to those around him, so he was taken in by Luke so hopefully Luke could figure something out; he could have been destructive from the start, or maybe he started to become increasingly destructive despite his training. If the middle ground route, he takes Luke’s mixed emotions to mean that he doesn’t think he’s good enough. How severe Snoke’s curse would have been I’m not fully sure on; he could have voices in his head and nightmares keeping him up for days, chipping away at his sanity, tempting him to accept the darkness, or it may have just been an amplifying of his already unstable emotions. They could have even started as the latter and escalated to the former. But I’m thinking that to best explain his behavior I’m leaning towards the Elsa route. Eventually, his nightmares morphed into repeated visits by Darth Vader, his grandfather, who told him about the truth of his lineage and how he became Vader, slandering everything and everyone he ever admired or loved, telling him of his “true” destiny, and how he should give up and embrace it; unable to hear the real Anakin’s ghost screaming at him to not repeat his mistake. This extended campaign of mental torment stunted his emotional growth in many aspects, and at times he may seem to regress even more. Maybe other padawans were afraid of him because of this dark side presence, avoiding him, and/or were jealous of him because of his lineage and relation to Luke. He often felt entitled to be Luke’s right hand, getting jealous at other students and taking any reprimanding, no matter how gentle, extremely personally. Luke would have needed to struggle between not seeming to be biased towards his nephew and giving him the attention he needed, especially because Ben would feel like Han and Leia abandoned him because they weren’t able to help him, but considering how attached he is to Luke this would hurt him. So when Luke went to speak to him one night, or rushed in sensing an overwhelming dark side presence in his room, and was suddenly attacked by Snoke with a vision of what his nephew would become and making him go into fighting mode for a split second, drawing his weapon to protect Ben, and/or earlier admitted in anguish that he had no idea what was tormenting him despite his efforts, the straw broke the pedestal and he resigned himself to his “destiny”. Ironically he’s just exchanging one sky-high ideal for another, but he’s too emotionally immature to realize this, nor does he fully realize the fact that Snoke merely sees him as a malleable, gullible means to an end. Yet he still feels that pesky pull to the light, and he becomes increasingly frustrated with himself that even as a Dark side user, he still can’t be “perfect” or “worth” anything, not even able to sink himself into the darkness and finally rid himself of his pain. For all the privilege and power he has, or because of it, he always feels worthless.

Basically I want to break him down and make his pitifulness obvious, but that’s what makes him sympathetic. He’s nowhere as far gone as Vader, even if he wants to be, kind of like a reverse Jekyll and Hyde situation where the Hyde is dominant but Jekyll hangs on, so to speak? Maybe? Is that the right analogy? Or I guess it is kind of like Anakin but sort of not, but he’s rapidly going down the same route of hurting his family like his grandfather.

From researching a bit, his proposed behavior seems pretty close to the symptoms of BPD, which is actually pretty fitting because I was thinking Luke’s philosophy on the Force would be influenced by a more modern understanding of psychology, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy actually seems pretty in tune with what I understand to be how the Light Side of the Force works (I mean it even has basis in religious meditation…). Perhaps a mystical version of DBT was one of the things Luke was studying in exile. Though obviously it isn’t exactly BPD; portraying an actual, named mental illness not only has way too much baggage behind it, but it breaks immersion. And with him a lot of it will be the influence of the curse, though I think I would rather him have a personality that made him vulnerable to it from the start, so the curse had something to latch onto.

Going with the “Elsa Ben” scenario, his “real” personality is anxious and even a bit shy. While I like the idea of him being cheerful when he was very little, the shyness always being there is also a characterization I like. Combined with his lumbering physique from his teenage years onwards, this made him a kid who gave off an impression of being extremely dorky (an act that would probably be very natural for Adam Driver to pull off lol) and/or withdrawn and aloof, the latter of which may have made some other padawans think he thought highly of himself and start to resent him. Unlike Anakin he’d be probably a dutiful student, almost creepily obedient, probably actively distancing himself from rebellious behavior, though his way of speaking isn’t exactly super formal either because of the influence of the adults around him. In his obsessions lies a genuine love, even if twisted, of his “favorite person” so to speak. He was also a genuinely sweet kid who wanted to please these special people in his life. He could be said to be actually really selfless in a weird way, because ultimately he values familial honor and being “good enough” for whatever higher purpose more than he values himself. TROS implied some sassiness with that Han-like shrug, and while I can maybe see some of Han rubbing off on him like that, that might be something that started from him trying to copy his parents’ air of confidence, and another coping mechanism. He might, like Vader, have a 501st legion 2.0 which Phasma is in charge of and Finn is part of, and show a more nicer side to them. Perhaps he opened up one or two times to Finn specifically; I can see this image of him venting to him while Finn stands still like how someone might vent to their dog, not really expecting Finn to be listening (also sarcasm might help Kylo obscure his true anguish from Finn, because FO troopers don’t understand sarcasm probably).

He will be redeemed at the end… and live. Even if not necessarily paired with Rey. I’m neutral on Reylo (though admittedly I have a weak spot for pairs involving a strong woman and a troubled guy, so it’s kind of growing on me), but I really think this ship, or even centering the story strongly around a platonic relationship between these two, could have worked if it was built up strongly (Though if I were to go this route Finn would have to be established as a secondary character from the start, with Rey as the definitive main character, to focus on this). But either way, he’s definitely going to have to face the consequences of what he’s done, make up for his atrocities at least somewhat, and think about what he truly wants to do from now on. I can imagine him quietly reading stories to younglings as Rey, Finn, and Luke train some other pupils outside, or thanklessly working behind the scenes in other ways. For his haters out there, I could make the pill easier to swallow not just by making the reasons for his fall and how he was slowly and meticulously gaslit more clear, but also making him not as awful. Yes, he’s extremely destructive, but he could show more reluctance, or pause after his berserker rages, staring at the destruction he’s caused as the weight of what he’s done sinks in. He’d of course resent that he still has mercy left in him though. I don’t think that there will be a Starkiller Base, but even if there was he might argue with Hux a bit over whether it’s really necessary, until Hux sneers at him for having mercy, saying that Vader never hesitated when blowing up Alderaan, and Kylo reluctantly backs off.

…Actually, what about making him and Rey cousins? On one hand, if Rey is a Skywalker by blood, a direct daughter of the Master himself no less, Ben is now suddenly freed from carrying the weight of the family legacy on his own. On the other hand… He basically loses the thing he has spent his entire life building his identity around; since his fall would have partially been because of his obsession with Luke, he may become jealous and extremely resentful of her, and/or take this as even more reason for Luke to not “need” him anymore. Or perhaps, he pulls a reverse of “I sense the conflict in you” with her, wanting to “save” her from embracing the Light and wanting her to embrace the “true” Skywalker destiny with him. He could even be overjoyed that he could have someone else alongside him to carry on the legacy with; in this scenario he could have an unhealthy obsession with her that might also start crossing into “are you sure this isn’t incest?” territory. Yeah it’s a “join me and we can rule together” scenario again, but it would be done differently. Or perhaps it’s a mix of some of those. Exploring that and how he chooses to take it could be extremely interesting. Maybe it’s resolved when Anakin tells him to “finish what he started”… not just by saving the galaxy, but by also living the rest of his life loving his family not as an ideal, but as family, like Anakin wasn’t allowed to. And platonic Reylo sounds nice too. Though that’s going to make all that shipping fanart so awkward lol. Well it’s not as if Star Wars shippers haven’t been cockblocked by incest before (though his obsession with family and extremely questionable mental state would probably make such shippers go nuts anyway…).

And going off of Poe being close to his parents, while the main interactions with Kylo from the heroes would be Rey, Finn if he’s the second protagonist, Luke, and his parents, I can see potential for an interesting dynamic and some interesting conversations between them too. Much like how he might react to Rey being Luke’s daughter, I can see him being jealous of Poe and resenting him for being his “replacement”, but after his redemption I can see potential for seeing the start of a friendship between them in epilogue comics, novels, or a mini-series. It would be pretty in-character for my version of Poe to want to help rehabilitate his sort-of stepbrother. Also I now have the adorable mental image of Ben quietly helping Poe (and maybe the rest of his squad) decorate and arrange Rey and Finn’s wedding, or the two surprising Finn with a very elaborate bachelor party, though I’m not sure if those exist in this universe. And because of a certain Inside Llewyn Davis scene I’m also imagining Poe getting Ben to sing with him and BB-8. It’s adorable.

Also if both Rey and Finn are the main heroes, he might have some kind of link with both of them, and the main duo would both contrast him in their own way (lonely scavenger who no one expected anything of and nameless trooper who defected from the First Order vs. someone who grew up in greatness but seemingly threw it away and chose to be in the First Order; and much like Kylo Finn in particular has been manipulated from childhood to do heinous things, so he may sympathize with his situation). Maybe he’s the missing piece needed for both him and the leading duo to reach their full potential, or the main duo are the last piece needed to finally break Snoke’s curse on him, or something. Or it could simply just be Finn showing his growth and strength of character by understanding and forgiving Kylo, despite him now understanding just how badly the First Order treated him, which makes Rey (who, again, might start as this super cynical scavenger or may have seen Kylo go berserk and massacre her friends and betray her Master) come around to the idea. In this scenario it may actually be even more important to emphasize that Rey and Finn are two making up a whole, so as not to bog stuff down. It’s possible to ship Finnrey and want Kylo to have a better ending, what a shock!

Maybe Rey and Kylo could switch places, and he comes back to the light in SW8, which is an idea I’ve seen floated and is something that would make the story truly unique. He would seem like basically a less stable Vader 2.0 at the start, but over SW8 he could be seen breaking more and more out of his own terrible mindset, coming to a head in a cathartic realization that bring him back into the arms of his beloved family. It would also add an interesting dynamic that he and Finn have to be equals now. But that may mean that Rey would have to be killed off and I’m not so sure about that.

Though speaking of her, since in all these scenarios a common thread is that she understandably doesn’t like him, it would be a bit of a twist if Finn sees the good in him but Rey, if she’s a Skywalker, his cousin, doesn’t.

And to bring up Poe again, I also really like the idea of them having been childhood friends and thus knowing each other before the events of SW7; after all, they’re around similar age, it isn’t that far-fetched to think that former Rebel families would be still pretty close to each other, and I’ve seen some adorable fanfics with the concept. It also adds connection between them and adds even more tragedy, even if this relationship may have to be elaborated more in supplementary material due to time. I can definitely Poe speaking like an old friend to Kylo and constantly calling him “Ben”, to his irritation. The abovementioned feeling of being replaced could be what caused Ben to suddenly break off the friendship. And making the main cast kind of tight-knit like this might also help make the cast easier to manage.

Granted, there is the possibility of killing him off, though. I heard that one of the initial ideas for TFA was apparently that Kylo would be a reverse Vader, falling deeper and deeper into the Dark Side as the trilogy goes on. In fact, this may have been where Kylo killing Han may have been leading to. This actually sounded like a super cool idea, but considering the backstory I laid out I thought it would be way too bittersweet for the concluding movie of the saga, and if one were to say Kylo basically has BPD… That might lead to some unfortunate implications. I mean nothing is stopping me from not using the Elsa backstory, and if I didn’t use it maybe this route would be pretty viable, but I’m kind of starting to get attached to it.

—

Other characters:

Hux: I’ve never really been a villain person. I mean I liked sympathetic villains, yeah (but even then I preferred anti-heroes for a while; I’m talking like nothing beyond N from Pokémon levels of “evil”), but straight-up villains I just have merely seen as obstacles. Like back in my Smash fic days I was often like “Eh… They’re there… Because they want to take over the world I guess?”. It’s why I’m having trouble with Snoke probably lol. But for some reason Hux interests me. If I take a guess it’s probably because of the potential he had as an actual foil to Kylo in his own faction. He had so much potential as a villain, and in having this tense dynamic play out. In fact he does seem to have been set up that way in SW7. But yeah, I imagine him as one coldhearted bastard. His backstory, though not elaborated on in the movies, would be much like TFA supplementary material set him up; he’d still have killed his father, but while yes, Brendol was abusive and strict, Armitage didn’t kill him completely because he was a young man who wanted to break free from his strict father, but also genuinely because he knew doing so would be good for his standing. Unlike Kylo when he (most likely) kills Han, he doesn’t regret killing Brendol at all. While he might have a tragic backstory kind of explaining his behavior, it doesn’t bother him at all, while Kylo, who considering what happened to him and how he’s literally under a curse you’d think would have a much steeper fall into unabashed evil, is constantly conflicted. It’s a very Sith Lord-like backstory funnily enough… In fact I’m pretty sure that Palpatine had a backstory very similar to this with his parents.

He’s a very logical, analytical, brutally pragmatic person, and he looks upon Kylo’s emotional state with condescension. I’m increasingly starting to like the idea that he’s somehow able to talk Kylo down, while still being hardly nice. Perhaps he preys upon Kylo’s constant need for approval from others, even if he doesn’t like the person in question (this may also be why Kylo reacts so strongly to Finn escaping as well, in fact. He genuinely cares about people’s loyalty, even from literal no-name soldiers). Though I can’t decide whether he’s this deceptively charming snake or basically an evil Spock. I also can’t decide between him being in this constant state of “Why do I have to babysit this manchild” or giving absolutely no visible f*cks around Kylo no matter what happens, or even straight-up trolling him often, toying with his emotions because it amuses him; preferably two or a bit of all somehow? I can see him using having met Vader as a child to mock Kylo for how much of a pale, childish imitation he is, or reminding Kylo of how much better he is as a leader objectively; perhaps that’s what he holds over Kylo’s head. Or him explaining to Kylo how he was raised by less than stellar parenting and tried so hard to live up to his strict father too… So he brutally murdered Brendol in cold blood (possibly with Phasma’s help), became a better admiral than he ever was, and got over it “Like an adult. Unlike you.”. They’d be in this constant state of delicate, tense equality; Kylo can easily overpower Hux if he pisses him off a bit too much, but Hux is able to walk that fine edge seemingly without much effort.

But when he realizes whatever grand cosmic plot he and the entire First Order has been participating in this whole time is when, ironically, there would probably be a really dramatic villainous breakdown from him. It’s kind of a Zuko and Azula situation with Kylo and Hux perhaps? Or is this Hux more a mix of Azula and Zhao’s roles rather?

——

Worldbuilding stuff: Since I’m more a character person, there isn’t much here, but because the worldbuilding was another issue in the movies I’ll also be adding these.

The New Republic isn’t nuked in the first movie. In fact it stays there for the duration of the trilogy and the hero faction is now its armed forces, not The Resistance (Also that name makes no sense. Seriously. At least name them The Peacekeeper Corps or Vigilantes or something, or since they’re basically Leia’s personal military maybe the Organa Free Army or Organa Corps or something of that sort. No wonder people mistakenly call them The Rebels sometimes. It’s a similar setup to Chrom’s Shepherds in Fire Emblem Awakening, albeit with a better relationship with the kingdom; it would be downright strange if the Shepherds called themselves The Resistance despite literally existing with the queen’s permission, and it still is here. Hell, Leia’s Shepherds is a better name). There would be elaboration on the political stuff going on behind the scenes, and if Leia isn’t a Jedi that’s her plotline probably, though a big part of me wants her to be part of the action instead of being stuck on the homeworld.

Meanwhile, The First Order is made up of Imperial Remnants and people and planets who were unsatisfied with the democratic but still new and fragile New Republic. Basically think White Russians if the Soviets weren’t also awful. It happens a lot in history. While it may have some mining planets in its orbit (not literally, you know what I mean) so it can plausibly refurbish anything Kylo wrecks with his tantrums, Starkiller Base is probably a bit much, and a lot of their equipment might be old Imperial or Rebel stuff, or stolen from the New Republic, with new stuff being produced but not in overly high quantity. Some of the equipment deemed less important might even be kind of crappy due to how old they are. They’d probably be at most an equally powerful faction to the Republic, if not smaller than them, seeming more like a terrorist cell. I don’t have much of an idea why Snoke would want to be involved in it yet though.

But while the First Order might be smaller, the New Republic is hindered by it just now finally gaining its footing, and the military previously only having been used for peacekeeping and sniping stray Imperial remnants. Because it’s peacetime, it might have been kept pretty small, and also the military academies are literally not even 30 years old at this point, so new that it’s possible Poe, despite his youth, was one of the earliest graduates; one of the military’s most high-ranking officers is literally a scoundrel with no formal training - even if he is good at his job - it isn’t exactly a well-oiled machine, though its less rigid, casual structure also does benefit it in some aspects. Also the FO can easily use Kylo as intimidation, and its upper staff is nothing if not driven and motivated as well as ruthless. They may engage in more underhanded actions like sabotage and suicide bombers, or rely on small elite units like the Knights of Ren or small companies of troopers, to poke holes in the enemy just as much as open combat. And maybe if all else fails Snoke causes something really bad to happen seemingly out of nowhere.

While I do think that making the baddies an Empire 2.0 is an… uncreative decision, I want to keep Finn’s backstory, plus it fits Kylo’s story too so blah, I kind of have to keep it. Plus I want to do Phasma and Hux justice. Maybe Snoke or whatever it serves turns into a giant Eldritch abomination and have no use for the FO anymore. And again, reactionary forces are a thing that have existed throughout early modern history. But as already mentioned, due to the nature of the First Order’s existence, maybe the Stormtroopers aren’t kidnapped, but they were orphans picked off the streets, and/or some more dedicated Imperial parents gave them their children? I had the idea that Troopers like Finn are “Junior Troopers”, the child slave type, while older members, “Senior Troopers”, would be legit Imperial revanchists and former troopers. Maybe there’s a separate company of Juniors who think they’re cool by fighting for the First Order, but generally Juniors would be the lowest on the social rung, though some might make it into higher positions, and don’t know any other life than what they have now. Though I also like the idea that Finn was part of an elite unit directly connected to Kylo Ren like the 501st, so he has a reason to be particularly hurt by his betrayal (but that could throw a wrench in the whole Finn was a faceless cog in the machine thing). They’re pretty Prussian in command structure; officers work under mission-tactics, but the rank-and-file are machine-like in their discipline, more than even some actual droids. The Republic’s forces also probably engage in mission-tactics a lot, except how far it is acceptable goes way further down the chain of command, so stuff like the Holdo situation doesn’t happen. If that situation were to happen when mission-tactics were to be expected Poe’s independent action would be seen as reasonable. This would have potential for very interesting battles and tactics, though I’d need a lot of help with those because I’m the furthest thing from a tactician you can find (but even I can tell the bomber scene from TLJ was dumb, which should say something).

I kind of realized that it’s possible that the four OT legacy characters may end up basically representing four major aspects of the New Republic; the Jedi (Luke), law and justice (Leia, if she’s a senator), the military (Han, if he’s a general), and economics (Lando). I think some worldbuilding into how the republic functions should be explored through these characters as they move the story forward, except for the Jedi since they’re obviously a central focus, and Luke might very well be introduced after them, and the military will also get focus for obvious reasons, and Poe exists. The information definitely needs to be conveyed as efficiently and organically as possible through the story, because there’s two, likely three, equally important main characters and an unholy amount of secondary characters who aren’t exactly minor.

May write more later idk. I need to be doing other stuff…

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 3 years

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S&B Book Review From A Show Viewer.

I did it, I got the Shadow and Bone book yesterday and I’ve just finished it. I have to say the ending left me both shocked and flabbergasted and not necessarily in a good way but I will get into why soon. I don’t want people to think that I thought the book was bad because its not, I thought it was ok, I mean its not my favourite fantasy novel but I still enjoyed parts of it. I think the best way I can describe my feelings about it is you know when a film comes out that’s based on a novel they always say watch the film before you read the books or the film will disappoint you, well I feel like its the other way round with the books, I just think the show is better than the book, and by watching the show first I was a little disappointed with the book and I do think if I had read the book first I would have enjoyed it more if that makes sense. But like I said there were parts of the book that I enjoyed there were even some things that I think were handled better in the book than in the show. But overall in my opinion I do think that the show is better. So in this review/ comparison I am going to talk first about the parts that I wasn’t so keen on then the parts I liked as I like to end on a good note. Also let it be known I have only read the first book and obviously there are spoilers for both the first book and the show. The rest is under the cut.

Dislikes.

1) The Characters.

So when I got half way through the book there was something about it that just didn't feel right to me and I couldn’t, at first, put my finger on what it was. For some reason I just wasn’t enjoying the book as much as I thought I would. Then it hit me, I didn’t really like any of the characters. In the show I loved or at least liked pretty much every character. For example Marie and Nadia, although they were only side characters who didn’t get much screen time, I liked them, they seemed like such sweethearts. But in the books Alina describes them as being two faced, how they are all sweet to Zoya to her face but then are mean behind her back and Alina wonders if they are the same with her and she doesn’t really seem to trust them. Whereas in the show like I said they seemed genuinely sweet and it seemed like Alina really was friends with them. Another example is Dubrov and Mikhael. They are only really in like a paragraph or two of the book and they aren’t nice at all. In the show they were lovable goofs, their friendship with Mal is soo wholesome and we see Alina meet them for the first time. However in the books Alina already knows them and they refer to her as ‘sticks’ which she hates and she also thinks about how Mikhael had once ‘pawed at her’ whilst drunk. The reason why I think their show counterparts are better (other than they just seem to be nicer human beings) is because I liked them I was sad when they died. I was upset when Marie died. I cried when Mikhael and Dubrov died, because I cared about their characters. Whereas in the books to be honest I really couldn’t have cared less when I learnt that they had died.

Even the main characters didn’t do much for me. It’s not that I didn't like them I just didn't love them the same way I did in the show. I can understand now why so many people dislike book Mal. He is barely in the first book, in the beginning its not that he’s a bad person but its obvious that Alina feels ignored by him and he’s a little oblivious to her, its the classic taking a friend for granted until you lose them and then realise how much they meant to you situation. I think the fact that we don’t see any of what Mal is up to whilst they are separated doesn’t do any favours for the character in the book. When he does show up he is cold and actually kind of mean to Alina. I do believe that alot of this is because he is traumatised by witnessing the deaths of his friends but I will get into that more later. As for Alina and the Darkling again I didn’t dislike them I think out of all the characters they were the most interesting but I didn’t feel that same connection with them that I did in the show. Basically there wasn’t a single character where I had that I love this character moment, I was just kind of meh about them all.

2) Alina’s Age and Agency.

Another thing that the show did better in my opinion was aging Alina up and giving her more agency. In the book she is only 17 and I think you can tell that. She is much more timid and dare I say whiny in the book. I mean she comes across as a teenage girl which is what she is so it’s not the books fault she was written as she was supposed to be. But after seeing her show counterpart who wasn’t afraid to stand up for herself and defended Mal the book Alina seemed like a different character, one that I felt like I just didn’t know and one that I didn’t love as much as the show version. I mean in the show Alina shows these moments of defiance. Like when she is first brought to the General’s tent and he asks ‘well’ and she replies ‘well what’ before remembering who she is talking to and adding ‘sir’. Again when the Queen in making the comments about her being Shu and asks her maid to say good morning to her. And so Alina tells the queen she doesn’t actually speak Shu before again remembering who she is talking to and adding ‘your highness’. When Mal is being bullied at the orphanage and she threatened the bully with I think it was a letter opener. She has this kind of snarky, sassiness about her that I didn’t really get in the books. Also I feel like Alina had alot more agency in the show. Like burning the maps to get on the skiff. It was a terrible idea no doubt, but it was her doing something to get herself on the skiff so she could help her friend. In the books their unit is ordered to cross the fold from the beginning, Alina has nothing to do with her being on the skiff. Also with her relationship with The Darkling, Alina is mostly nervous around him and he is the one that initiates all their kisses. Whereas in the show Alina is the one to kiss him first. I do feel like in the book Alina is more kind of pushed and pulled around by the plot or by other characters and doesn’t really do much for herself. Like another example is when Baghra reveals that The Darkling is the Black Heretic in the book she has this whole plan for Alina’s escape which is for her to go to Os Kervo and board a ship where her passage has already been paid for and in the book Alina just goes with it, whereas in the show we see her decide not to take Baghra’s instructions and escapes herself, her own way, again it might not have been the best choice seeing as she puts herself right into The Crows hands but it is her choice. Even the decision to go after the Stag isn’t hers in the books. It’s Mal’s. There was one decision that Alina did make for herself and it was one part of the book that I think I hated the most which I will get into later.

I do like that she is older in the show as I feel like I personally can relate more to her as an adult as oppose to a teenager. Its also fresher because there are so many of these young adult fantasy adaptions where the heroines are 16-18 years old and that nice but you are still a young adult in your early twenties and so I think its a nice change to see a slightly older heroine if that makes sense.

3) The Darkling’s name and Novokribirsk.

Well I know this one is not going to make me popular with the book fans but I really didn’t like that no one knew the Darkling’s name or rather that he didn’t have a name really. I know his name reveal is a big deal to book fans and that was one thing they didn’t like about the show and maybe if I had read the book first I would have agreed. But I personally, having learnt his name in the show, found it difficult seeing everyone refer to him as The Darkling because in the show it is only really used by his enemies and always in a derogatory way and as a slur, everyone else just calls him The Black General or General Kirigan. I also think the fact that he does have a name in the show makes him a little more human. The other difference between the show and the book is Novokribirsk. In the show although I didn’t necessarily agree with him expanding the Fold into Novokribirsk I understood his reasons behind it, his motivations. But the West Ravkan rebels plot doesn’t exist in the book and so I just couldn’t understand why he was killing his own people, why he was killing Ravkans. If he had expanded the Fold into Fjerda or Shu Han I would have understood but Novokribirsk made no sense. I am sure I am wrong about this but I kind of felt like Bardugo was trying to be shocking and trying to show look he’s a villain but it just didn’t line up with the rest of his character. Like he is power hungry yes but he also cares about the Grisha and the Ravkans and so him turning on the people of his own country with no motivation at all didn’t make sense to me. Instead of feeling shocked I just felt kind of confused by his actions.

4) The Reveal That Genya Is A Spy.

This is another one where I feel like if I had read the books first it wouldn’t have bugged me so much. But one of the more powerfully emotional scenes for me in the show was that conversation between Genya and Alina in episode 7 where Alina realises that Genya was Kirigan’s spy. It is heartbreaking to see these two friends fall apart like this and you can see both of their sides. You can understand why Alina feels betrayed but you can also understand why Genya did it. But in the book the scene just isn’t that emotional. Alina realises that Genya is a spy but whilst we see her thoughts and her processing it she doesn’t confront Genya about it. Instead Genya tells Alina that David feels terrible about putting the collar on her and that he feels like he has destroyed all of Ravka. As Genya leaves Alina calls after her asking her to tell David she forgives him and then she silently, in her head, forgives Genya too. I just was disappointed in this scene when I read it. I do think this is just another thing that was handled better in the show.

5) Mal and Alina’s Sudden Romance.

Ok I’m not hating on Mal and Alina here I actually think (well more in the show than the book) that their relationship is cute, I don’t hate the relationship its just that I prefer Darklina. But in the book I was actually really shocked when they kissed. For me I feel like it was a little jarring and I would have preferred if their kiss had come in the second book. I think the problem is it just felt like there was no development. I mean we had Alina spending the majority of the book lamenting about how Mal doesn’t like her back and only sees her as a friend. We barely see Mal in the book at all and then all of a sudden they don’t just kiss but are confessing their undying love for each other and I was just left with my head in a bit of spin at how fast that change came. But hey maybe it was just me. I do think part of the problem is that we only get Alina’s pov so that makes it come as more of a surprise. But they went from just friends to intense burning love in 0.1 seconds flat and for me it was just too much of a rush. I just wish it had been built up a bit slower as I felt like they got to the whole I love you’s a bit too quick. Even if they had their first kiss at the very end of the book and then continued to build the relationship in book 2 and have the love confessions then I think it would have been a bit more believable to me.

6) Shaming Alina.

Ok so there were a couple of times where I felt like other characters were shaming Alina for having feelings for The Darkling and for falling for his manipulation. Of course I could be misinterpreting this but I didn’t like the connotations behind these lines. The first was when Baghra is organising for Alina to escape and Baghra tells her she’ll organise for a servant to be placed at Alina’s door who will claim she is ill so that Alina has more time to get away. When Alina tells her the servant would have to be placed this evening as The Darkling may come to her room and Baghra replies with ‘foolish girl’. Obviously this makes Alina feel ashamed and even more foolish for falling for The Darkling’s manipulation. Here’s the thing I don’t mind Alina feeling foolish I think that’s realistic, I think any of us would feel like a fool if we were in the same situation. What I don’t like is the author having other character’s call her foolish for being manipulated by someone. I just don’t think its the healthiest of lessons to teach to young girls that if you are unfortunate enough to be manipulated by a a man than girl are you a fool. I don’t necessarily think it was the author’s intention to present it that way but I do think that is a message that a young girl could take away from this, I mean if I can interrupt it this way than others could too.

I felt a similar way with Mal’s line when he says ‘I love you, Alina, even the part of you that loved him.’ Look I’m sure that this line was suppose to be romantic and show acceptance. But it bothered me, it really really bothered me. It bothered me because once again it is suggesting that Alina should be ashamed that she had feelings for the Darkling, it presents Mal as being this oh so righteous person because look at him he loves her even though she once loved The Darkling. It suggests that its harder for him to love her because she loved the darkling and like she has to be forgiven for it or as if she has been tainted by it. It wasn’t Alina’s fault that she developed feelings for The Darkling or that she was manipulated by him. And Mal isn’t a better person for loving her even though she loved The Darkling, he shouldn’t get extra brownie points for loving all of her unconditionally.

7) Alina Is A Murderer!!!

Ok so this is the part of the book that shocked the hell out of me but also left me utterly confused and I hated it, I really hated it. I’m also kind of baffled as to how I’ve not seen anyone talking about this. I mean maybe I am over-reacting but I have only just finished the book so it is still pretty fresh. But there is a huge difference between the ending of the first book and the ending of the series and that is what happens in The Fold. So first off Mal doesn’t sneak on to the skiff he is there because the Darkling is planning to execute him as a traitor by feeding him to the Volcra. The other thing is there are alot more people on the skiff, you’ve got the ambassadors from Fjerda and Shu Han, you’ve got Kerch Merchants, you’ve got an envoy for the King, you’ve got a ton of Grisha and their are also a ton of soldiers, all on this skiff. The darkling also never has Ivan kill the ambassadors they don’t try to fight back against him after he expands the Fold. What does happen is this, The Darkling throws Mal overboard and this is what triggers Alina being able to free herself and her power from The Darkling’s control. She then abandons ship and jumps off the skiff to Mal and leaves everyone who is onboard to die. Which in itself is bad enough but that's not all she does. She doesn’t just leave them without her light to protect them she uses the cut to destroy the skiff, she damages the mast and also cuts the skiff in half essentially stranding them there without any way of escaping. She does this knowing that they will all die.

I know what some of you will say. How can you be mad about Alina doing this when the Darkling has killed people and you still like him. Well first off because The Darkling is the anti hero in the show whose motivations I understood and well I’ve already said I wasn’t a huge fan of his actions with Novokribirsk in the books. Also with him being the antagonist I know he’s going to do things that are morally grey or downright dark. I don’t however expect it from my hero of the story. Also I wouldn’t have cared as much if Alina had a valid reason for doing it. Like she was sacrificing these people to safe a larger number of people or something like that where she was in some kind of moral conundrum where sacrificing the people on the skiff was for the greater good, if it was for example a situation like Clarke from the 100 and the Mountain Men, what she did was terrible and definitely morally grey but she did it to save her people and that’s what made it interesting to see her struggle with the guilt of it, to be horrified at what she had done but understand that it was a difficult decision for her that needed to be made for her peoples survival. Or even if it were a similar situation to Katniss and Finnick in Mockingjay where she knew she couldn’t save him so had to make the choice to sacrifice him to stop the mutts from coming after the rest of them. But that’s not what was happening here with Alina, she does it to save Mal. And look I get it. Mal is her childhood friend, and Mal is the person she loves, Mal is her home. But Mal is also one person and she probably could have found a way to save him without sacrificing everyone else to do it you know like she does in the show. It’s not even just the leaving them behind bit that gets to me but I just don’t think it was necessary for her to break the ship. It was one thing to take her light from them and use it to protect only her and Mal, but at least if she had left the skiff unscathed they would have had a chance to survive.

I mean maybe I am just have too much of a rigid idea of what a hero is suppose to be or gotten too used to heroines being a certain way but the difference between the hero and the villain is that whilst the villain does everything for themselves and is usually very selfish the hero is supposed to be selfless. They are suppose to think of the greater good and put that above all else, they make personal sacrifices and that doesn’t necessarily mean not protecting their loved ones but it also doesn’t mean leaving innocent people to die just so that you can save one person, regardless of how important that person is to you.

I mean I feel like we are being told that Alina is this saviour and that she is the hero but then the character isn’t acting like the hero. I mean she doesn’t seem to care about anybody but Mal and yet she is still very judgemental of the Darkling even though he is trying to save his people albeit in completely the wrong way.

I mean one thing I will say is that she does recognise that what she has done makes her like The Darkling. She also does have guilt about it and nightmares but I found it hard to have sympathy for her because I just didn’t think it was necessary for her to do it.

I don’t know maybe I’ll feel differently about it in a few days after I’ve processed it more but at the moment I feel strangely betrayed by the book like they’ve taken one of my favourite characters and ruined her. Which I know is silly because the books came first but I just can’t help but think my show Alina would never. She saved Mal and everyone on the skiff.

Grey Area

Ok so this section is an odd one, so this is things that I’m not sure how I feel about them I liked some bits but also didn’t like some bits.

1) Alina’s POV

So the book is told entirely from Alina’s pov and to be honest I am of two minds as to whether that's a good thing or a bad. I mean most YA fantasy novels are told from the heroine’s pov like The Hunger Games or Divergent. So this is something that can work, but in the case of Shadow and Bone I feel like having it solely from Alina’s pov was at the detriment of the other characters. I feel like because Alina doesn’t like alot of the other characters or has negative thoughts about alot of the other characters the reader also doesn’t like them. On the flip side of this it does very much put you in Alina’s shoes so it helps you better understand that isolation she feels and that not really trusting people, doubting them. You can understand her struggle to connect with people and how she always wonders if they really do like her or if they have an ulterior motive. There is this one part earlier on in the book where she talks about how people, in particular girls, would befriend her but it was only because she was friends with Mal and they were interested in him, so they used her to get close to him. I think this really does explain why she struggles to trust people when she gets to the Little Palace as she automatically assumes that if they are trying to be friends with her its because they want something from her. Because you can see her thoughts you also get a really good idea of how insecure she feels and how much she wants to be accepted. Like there are several parts where its obvious that she wants to please The Darkling, or she wants to impress Baghra or Botkin. She worries about how the other summoners will react if they find out she is struggling with her powers. There is one scene I loved where Alina is finally able to summon on her own and she just rushes outside to the lake where all the other summoners are to show off her powers because she is just so excited. All of this where its exploring Alina’s thoughts and feelings is great and well written but I think the problem of having it from her pov is although you get a good idea of Alina and how she feels, first impressions are also important and we get all of our first impressions of the other characters through Alina. However Alina doesn’t really like anybody, so when she talks about how mean Dubrov and Mikhael are and how they call her names and ignore her, or when she talks about Mal not really seeing her and taking her for granted, or when she thinks about how two faced Marie and Nadia are, how grumpy Ivan is, how intimidating and mysterious The Darkling is, and so on, these impressions of the character stick with the reader and so I think it is then hard for the reader to change their view on these characters, if that makes sense. So in some ways the first person narrative is great but in others I think it is a little bit of a problem.

2) Mal’s Reaction To Alina And The Darkling/ Their Reunion.

Ok so this might be a controversial one but I’m kind of split on which of Mal’s reactions I prefer. I know that seems crazy considering how mean he is to Alina in the books when they see each other again for the first time since she is discovered to be Grisha, but hear me out. On the one side I liked how non judgemental show Mal was when Alina admits that she had feelings for Aleksander. I liked that he said she didn’t owe him an explanation because its true she doesn’t, just like he doesn’t owe her an explanation for any relationships he’s had. So in that sense I think the show did it better.

In the books their reunion doesn’t go so well. Mal shows up at the Little Palace having found the Stag and unlike in the show he does speak with Alina. But its a very negative interaction where he gets angry about her wearing black and talks about how the Darkling is all over her and just in general makes her feel bad about this new life she has found as a Grisha. Obviously I didn’t enjoy this scene but there was one element of this whole reunion that I did like and that is Mal’s trauma. In the show they don’t really address the trauma Mal experiences at seeing his friends die beyond a small conversation with Alina where he tells her what happened to them. But in the book during this scene and then later when they are travelling to find the Stag together Alina notes a few times that he sometimes gets a look in his eyes or that he seems different. There is a notable change in him due to what has happened to him and I feel like this gives some depth to the character. Yes he acts like a dick to Alina but its because of his trauma.

Likes

Ok on to the good stuff, things that I loved from the books.

1) Grisha Powers And Amplifiers.

So I’ll be honest the books do a better job of explaining the Grisha abilities and the amplifiers than the show does. So in the show they do have that line about the small science feeds us and merzost feeds on us. Well in the book this is better explained and you find out that a Grisha gets stronger and healthier the more they use their powers. Whilst in the show Alina tricks the testers by cutting her hand, in the book she actually supresses her powers. As a result this makes her ill, she always has circles under her eyes and she has no appetite so she is really skinny. I really like this idea that instead of draining them like most fantasy powers do in other series it actually makes them stronger. I thought it was a very interesting concept. It also explains why Baghra looks to have aged despite being immortal like The Darkling. In the book when Alina asks The Darkling what powers Baghra has he replies that it had been so long since she had used them that no one knew. So it seems like the reason why Baghra has aged is because she isn’t summoning.

The other thing that we get more information about in the books is the use of amplifiers. Morozova’s creatures aren’t the only amplifiers other Grisha do have them for example Ivan has a bear claw and Marie has a seal amplifier. I think Zoya also has an amplifier. We also find out that a Grisha usually can only have one amplifier.

2) Ivan’s Backstory

Ok this is probably a small thing but I really wish they had kept Ivan’s backstory in the show. He lost family to the Fjerdans, if I remember rightly I think it was his father, brother and uncle. Though correct me if I am wrong on that. But this has obviously had an impact on him and he says they died fighting the King’s wars. It just really goes a long way to explain why Ivan is so loyal to The Darkling. Its because he believes the Darkling will end all wars and seeing as Ivan has lost a large portion of his family to war it makes sense that he would stand by the Darkling.

3) Alina’s Time At The Little Palace.

So another thing the books did better than the show was showing the time and training that Alina goes through. In the show it only seems like Alina is at the Little Palace for a few weeks but she is actually there for at least five months if not more. You also see her struggle with her powers and combat training more and you see her starting to get better at both. In the show by the end of episode 4 she can summon on her own and she has that break through but it takes alot longer in the books. But yeah I would have loved to see more of her training.

4) Baghra and The Darkling.

So this isn’t really something the book does better but it was a scene that I really liked and that was where Alina arrives to her lesson with Baghra and The Darkling is there and she is surprised that Baghra is arguing with him. Whilst we do get the interaction between Baghra and Aleksander in the show which I did really like, Alina herself never sees the two interact and I think it would have been interesting if she had. I just wish in general that we had gotten more interactions between the mother and son. The other thing I liked was during the scene where Baghra is helping Alina escape Alina question why Baghra would be betraying her son. One thing I did wonder when watching the show was if Baghra knew all this information about Aleksander and how he wanted to expand the fold and if she really did believe he was power hungry, why did she stay by his side. Well the book does give an answer to this and she says she loves her son that’s why she is trying to stop him because she doesn’t want him to cross a line he can’t come back from. I do feel like this adds more depth and complexity to their relationship which I am always glad for. I can’t wait to learn more of their backstory.

5) Alina’s Mirrored Gloves.

In the books the gloves David makes for Alina are used alot more. They are also described as being mirrored whereas in the tv show they looked more like gold chainmail. Also she gets them sooner in the books. But they’re really cool and she uses them to like distract or blind her opponent during hand to hand combat. Also I really like the scene when they are introduced because its basically Genya giving Alina a tour and they go to the Fabrikator workshop and when Genya introduces David he’s working on the gloves and he just goes these are for you. It’s awkward but also funny.

6) Genya and David.

You get so much more of their relationship in the books. Well by so much more I mean Genya does talk to Alina about David. As a result we get one of my favourite interactions in the book where they are having a girly talk and Alina tries to reassure Genya that David will come around and that he’s just shy, then Genya says ‘“Maybe I should lie down on a table in the workroom and wait to see if he welds something to me.” To which Alina says “I think that’s the way most great love stories begin.” I don’t know why but I just loved this I think its because its just two girls talking about a crush and I think its very relatable. But yeah Genya and David are very cute.

7) Tidemakers.

So one of the things I wished we could have seen in the show was the tidemakers using their powers. We get told about them and obviously they can control water but we never see one. Well in the books we do get Tidemakers using their powers and we get Alina describing them to us. There is a particularly cool scene that happens at the winter fete where tidemakers create this wave as part of the Grisha demonstration that then gets turned into mist by inferni. It wasn’t much but I still enjoyed getting a little glimpse of them using their powers.

Ok that’s all I can think of for now, I’m sure I’ll think of more once I’ve had more time to process the book. But overall I thought it was ok I am interested to see where the characters go from here. I ordered the second book already and its due to arrive tomorrow so looking forward to that. As for this book if I gave it a rating I’d say its probably a 6/10 I thought it was good but there were some things about it that I think it could have done better with.

#shadow and bone

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beyond-far-horizons · 4 years

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Katara’s potential in LOK and importance of older female role-models in life and fiction

This was not meant to turn into a meta and yet has done! Just a disclaimer I’m still working my way through The Legend of Korra but have mostly been spoiled by reading some great analysis on here. So this isn’t meant to be a comprehensive take and also isn’t meant to disrespect the people who like Legend of Korra or this particular aspect of it. It’s just a subject very close to my heart and my work as a creative practitioner, student of psychology and media analyst, so I really wanted to discuss it.

Contains some spoilers esp for Season 1.

So I’m biting the bullet and getting into LoK despite reservations. I overall really loved Avatar the Last Airbender and Katara is one of my favourite characters. I admit one of my biggest issues with starting LoK was hearing how her character and agency were drastically reduced compared to the original series.

Now I know LoK gets a lot of flak for a variety of reasons and it was always going to be hard following such a beloved series as A:TLA and trying to do something different. However I’m actually enjoying certain aspects including Korra herself, despite the fact she can be bratty and immature at times (which squares with her age and upbringing). I also find the premise of the Equalists and especially their mysterious, terrifying leader Amon really interesting and I just wish the creators had done more with that plot line. (I forever seem to be going on about missed potential in the stories I consume!)

However the more I continue the more I’m annoyed because I realised we were robbed of Badass Grandma!Katara and also more matrilineal mentoring/bonding between her and Korra.

Spoilers but I wanted to see Katara go toe to toe with the villains esp give her being intimately connected to their history. I wanted to see her deal with the shadows of the past, the history of trauma associated with bloodbending and the Fire Nation and also the very intriguing points Season 1 was trying to make about the role of bender vs non-bender and the Avatar themselves. All things Katara was deeply involved with as someone who experienced inequality firsthand, fought relentlessly to abolish it and was the previous Avatar’s finder, teacher and later his wife.

Katara being Aang’s first mentor and implied to be Korra’s waterbendering tutor adds yet another dimension and potential to explore. That whole relationship must be strange for everyone involved but I’m always a sucker for female bonds, found family and intergenerational friendships.

I know LoK is about the new cast taking over - Tenzin fills the role of Korra’s mentor figure onscreen and is loved by many. There are lots of ways to tell a story and the creators focused on Korra’s issues with airbending to contrast her personality and development with Aang’s, as well as to flesh out Aang’s family and the rebuilding of the Air Nomads.

Yet I miss the potential of seeing wise fierce mentor!Katara on screen. We fans love callbacks, so seeing Katara in action as she used to be would be a joy, and older more powerful characters need not overshadow younger ones. For example Uncle Iroh was beloved and integral in A:TLA despite the fact we saw very little of his backstory. He didn’t take over Zuko’s journey, he aided and complemented it. Plus Toph gets her chance to shine.

There was so much to play with, especially in Season 1 (and would have been a nice reference to Aang meeting Katara first and then Zuko and Toph later). So much contrast between Katara’s experience with Hama, her thoughts about her mother, Gran Gran and the reintroduction of South Water Style. The trauma of bad parental/mentor relationships vs the good examples one can use to alchemise negative patterns that A:TLA was known for (see Iroh, Zuko and Ozai for reference). I don’t want to get too far into spoiler territory but all of this links back to Katara, Hama and Water Tribe and I would have loved to see a further exploration of that and a contrast between her loving bond and fear for Korra vs the villains’ and their education. This would have created more depth between Korra and Amon and co (and wow do I wish that dynamic was explored further - does she even know what happens to him??), and between Katara and Korra and their respective journeys to shoulder their burdens and mature as people and women.

Just think about all those juicy, angsty callbacks we could have done to Hama’s haunting episode! How Katara could have decided to be a better mentor than Hama was to her. (Katara was always a good mentor but if there was any issues in her relationship with Korra re Aang etc this could have been a good place for dramatic tension and resolution.) Of course for all we know this did happen but we don’t see it because we don’t get to see Katara’s training with Korra or much of Katara at all in LoK apart from her failing to heal Korra.

Plus I adore badass ladies and badass grandmas, I have loads in my original fiction. I love people defying stereotypes and sadly there is still a lack of stories not only depicting a range of female role-models but female mentoring and matrilineal bonding.

Read the incredible bestseller Women Who Run with the Wolves by Jungian analyst Clarissa Pinkola Estés if you want to learn more about the power of storytelling, myth and female hero journeys and initiation. A key part of that book is how women have been historically and psychologically undervalued and harmed by the prevailing culture for centuries. Also how it has broken matrilineal lines of wisdom and support and distorted cultural values of how girls and women (not to mention boys and men) view the Feminine. This leaks down into our modern day stories via inherited psychological conditioning and unexamined tropes.

For example - how many ‘wise old men’ figures can you think of in pop culture, myth, fairytale, religion? Quite a few I’d imagine. Now contrast that with the ‘wise old woman’ archetype...I guessing not as many. I’m sure you’ll find a few but I bet more often the words that come to mind are ‘witch’, ‘sorceress’, ‘crone’ etc.

The Fairy Godmother (I gave you that one for free;) ) is an exception but she is a watered down version of the powerful, ambivalent figures of folklore such as Baba Yaga. Trust me if the Yaga was your mentor, as she was to Vasalisa in the fairytale Vasalisa the Wise/the Beautiful, you ain’t coming out of that encounter with a crystal slipper, you’re coming out it with a burning skull that incinerates your enemies and I’d like to see that tale popularised!

As mentioned Katara did feature in Korra’s life as a support, a vague mentor figure and a healer - in fact she is the one that initiates Korra’s heroine journey by supporting her decision to leave the stifling confines of her compound, go to Republic City alone and learn airbending. She also offers emotional and medical support during Korra’s traumatic recovery later on in the series. But mostly Katara’s involvement is at the peripheries of The Legend of Korra except when she was failing to heal her.

This isn’t to say that comfort and softness in female relationships are lesser than battle prowess or mental fortitude. Or that failure always bad, it is human and can be a powerful narrative tool for character development. I’m not interested in the infallible ‘Strong Female Character’ stereotype and neither is Estés. Her book illustrates that the Feminine encapsulates all of these qualities and many more and looking at the original Katara she was a perfect example of that. She was empathetic, intelligent, powerful, fierce, devoted, flawed, playful, angry.

I guess what I’m saying is that I miss that Katara and I miss the opportunity of seeing Korra interact with and learn from that Katara, especially as they have so much in common in terms of shared history, powers, culture and even looks. I’m also missing the opportunity of seeing that Katara battle Amon and all the drama and backstory that could have ensued from those encounters! After all Katara took on her mother’s killer, Hama and the Fire Nation (including one angsty honour-obsessed Fire Prince and his powerful sister), you’re telling me she would have just let Korra, her family and friends be in grave danger in the name of ‘leaving it to the kids’ ESPECIALLY since her own history turned out to be so deeply connected to all of this? Nah...

It’s important for girls* to see a range of wholesome female characters and dynamics play out in their media from an early age, especially to rework and combat the historic negative tropes that our culture is still steeped in. It’s also important to address the devaluing of the elderly, in particular elderly women. The Legend of Korra does in fact build on this from Avatar the Last Airbender by having an even greater range of capable women and girls across ages and morality spectrum. Korra herself (who I’m liking a lot more than I thought I would), is a real stereotype breaker. Toph I’ve heard fulfils the ‘wise old (crotchy) woman’ archetype later in the series. I just wish, given how much I adore A:TLA’s Katara, that we could have seen her shine in an elder role too.

(*I use terms like ‘girls’, ‘woman/women’ and ‘feminine’. I mean these to also include a broad interpretation of the Feminine than just the hetero/cis-normative one, but sometimes it helps when critiquing something to narrow things down esp something so already psychologically complex in a simple meta.)

#katara #legend of korra #lok #atla #pro katara #my meta #meta #my writing #jungian psychology #korra #amon #feminism #storytelling #avatar the last airbender #I just wanna see Katara fight Amon damn it I don't care who wins as long as it's a MASSIVE fight #also want to see either Katara save Korra or Korra save Katara #and some proper bonding and badass tuition #and then dunno waterbenders both hero and villain learn and grow and rebuild the Tribe

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shortskirtsandsarcasm · 4 years

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Rereading Little Women as an Adult

Like plenty of other young girls on the verge of their first middle school dance, I read Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. It was a warm contrast to The Clique series and other young adult literature popular in the 2000s that centered on social snobbery and pettiness. The Little Women film (starring June Allyson) was also a staple in my house growing up, as I was not allowed to watch much mainstream media, most of all animated children’s films. However, none of the film adaptations ever gave me the same feeling I got from reading the book or made me want to give the book a reread. Until, of course, the newest version: Greta Gerwig’s 2019 adaptation. As most people read this story in childhood, I thought it would be interesting to reread Little Women as an adult and pitched the idea to my book club and it became our April read.

Rereading Little Women as an adult gave me a different perspective on the characters and the message Alcott was hoping to cultivate. Inadvertently, it was the perfect book to settle into at the beginning of the pandemic lockdown. The story and characters are heartwarming, wholesome, comforting during a pandemic where we all have to stay inside. In addition, the Marches’ story is one of survival. They are not wealthy and are living through the Civil War, already a time of financial difficulty and uncertainty. Their father, their only male family member, is away fighting for a good chunk of the story, and without him Marmee and the girls are vulnerable. The absence of March sons means that the girls have limited options for financial survival into adulthood. Meg worked as a governess before her marriage and Jo sells her short stories, but it is clear that neither is a long-term career with financial stability or independence. This societal and financial instability is parallel to the job-losses of the pandemic and

Amy has been much maligned as the worst March sister, but I heartily disagree. Amy is by far the best March. I blame the many movie adaptations for this portrayal. Amy is shown to be selfish and materialistic, which she definitely is, but no more than any other normal person is. Meg is just as selfish, but the movie adaptations do not explore it as much because she’s the oldest, and therefore a “second mother,” and cannot afford to indulge her petty luxuries. But reading the book, you can see that Meg likes to imagine herself as a martyr, and therefore keeps her selfish impulses to herself, lest she is seen as anything other than the perfect daughter (and later the perfect wife and the perfect mother). Amy’s contrast to the angelic Beth also makes her seem more selfish and nefarious than she really is. Beth clings to her image as a domestic angel on earth, even though she kills her bird by not feeding it for a week. With her painful shyness, exclusive love of the domestic, and dedication to good works, as evidenced by her many visits to the Hummel family, and her lack of ambition for literally anything, Beth slots into the Victorian ideal of the “angel in the house.” Her young death cements her status as a domestic martyr and helps to gloss over her lack of personality and that she killed her pet. Through her young marriage and motherhood, Meg can also be considered an “angel in the house,” but she will never reach Beth’s mythical perfection because she desires money and material comforts (what a bitch). Alcott sets Beth up to be The Best Sister™ but my hot take is that Beth is in fact, the worst character in the whole book. The most recent film adaptation is the only one, in my opinion, that does the character of Amy justice. We see her burn Jo’s collected fairy tales in a disproportionate childish rage, but we also see her calculate her family’s future and her important role in it, as the only one willing to “marry well.” The other films portray her strategic marriage designs as purely social climbing or gold-digging, but in Amy’s temporal context, there is not much she, or any of her sisters, can do to keep her family from going under financially, especially in the event of the death of her father. She has goals to be a great artist, but even if she did become one, it would realistically not pay the bills.

The two halves of Meg and Beth’s roles as “angels in the house” come together in Marmee, the mother of the March girls. She is more of a “mother” archetype than a real person. She always has the perfect lessons in wisdom at the right time and is simultaneously a gentle domestic goddess and an effective disciplinarian, even when her daughters are adults and no longer living at home. In the chapter “On the Shelf,” Marmee tells Meg that it is her fault that her husband spends all his evenings with his friend (and his friend’s young, childless wife) instead of with her and their children:

You have only made the mistake that most young wives make — forgotten your duty to your husband in your love for your children. A very natural and forgivable mistake, Meg, but one that had better be remedied before you take to different ways, for children should draw you nearer than ever, not separate you, as if they were all yours, and John had nothing to do but support them. I’ve seen it for some weeks, but have not spoken, feeling sure it would come right in time (322).

Marmee’s advice in this and all things always perpetuates the traditional gender norms that dictate that women should be quiet, gentle, and subservient, all while running an immaculate household. They should manage every situation and their husbands perfectly, but without ever letting their husbands feel managed, lest they should feel emasculated. The only advice that diverges from this is that Marmee tells Meg she should share childcare duties with her husband — a reasonable suggestion since they are his offspring as well. Marmee does limit these childcare duties to disciplining and teaching skills. Let’s not get crazy and ask John to change a diaper.

Someone in my book club pointed out that the messaging of Little Women seems particularly anti-feminist, even for the time it was published (1868) and I wish I had thought to say at the time that because this book was published in the United States, not Britain where I now live and attend book club meetings, the goalposts for what was “radical feminism” were very different. But of course, I did not think of this argument fast enough, and I will be bitter forever. If you look at the political debates — in the context of the pandemic or not — being held in the US vs the UK, you can see that much of American politics is deeply puritanical. It’s not surprising that these puritanical political ideals would be even more intense in 1868, especially since it was in the years directly following the American Civil War, a conflict about whether or not some people had a right not to be someone else’s property. The postwar political climate was all about the apportioning of rights to populations that previously had none or very few. It is certainly true that Little Women contains many outdated and problematic messages on gender roles and the meaning of womanhood, but it is important to remember that in the context of the experiences of white womanhood in the northern United States, Little Women was radical in its portrayal of young women and their individual approaches to domesticity. I enjoyed revisiting Little Women, but if I could expunge the memories of cringey middle school dances that came with it, I would.

#literature #books #book review #little women #louisa may alcott

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theclaravoyant · 5 years

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AN ~ This fic is called “Catharsis” not just on the characters’ behalves, but on mine. I am planning another more nuanced, narrative-integrated exploration of some of these themes but in the moment when I started writing this I kinda Went Off at biphobia. Kevin was the vessel for my protectiveness... and Julia Diaz unfortunately copped the unflattering role of Every I’m-Not-Homophobic-But person I’ve ever met. This is for you grandma :)))))

NOW ON AO3 (~2400wd)

Warnings: This fic has a happy/uplifting ending (*jake peralta voice* I CATHARTED) but it does deal with themes of homophobia and biphobia, including a reference to AIDS. If you would like to know more detail about the fic’s contents before diving in, message me and I’m happy to chat.

Prompt: 4. “I know you didn’t ask for this.”

Fandom: Brooklyn 99 - featuring Rosa Diaz, Kevin Cozner, Julia Diaz, Jake Peralta, with background Holt x Kevin and Rosa x Jocelyn.

Rated: T

Tags: Platonic Relationships, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Biphobia, AIDS reference.

Catharsis

“Rosa?”

She knew that voice. She ignored it.

“Rosa, mi niña…”

She glared at her report. Corrected a typo with an aggressive stab at the keyboard.

“Uh, excuse me, Detective Diaz?”

She gritted her teeth, and forced her lips into a wide twist on a hospitable smile. In an overly sweet tone that bristled for all to hear, she invited –

“Detective Peralta, can you assist Mrs Diaz please?”

“Uhh. Sure.”

Jake looked uncertainly between Rosa and her mother, but stepped forward. Rosa knew when she needed protecting and if this was one of those times then he would offer what he could. He couldn’t imagine what she was going through, after she and her mother had tried to talk about it again and had come to another explosive loggerhead. Still, he was not too sure of his place in all this. He wanted to give Julia a good scolding, but given that she was Rosa’s mother it probably wouldn’t be intimidating in the slightest by comparison. Plus, he had to remind himself, it was probably not his place. Rosa could scold her own mother. And now he was getting side-tracked.

“How can I help you, Mrs Diaz?”

Fortunately, the fact that Julia was still very keen on watching her daughter and apparently cared very little about Jake’s question, or presence at all, became side-tracked all on its own when the elevator doors opened and the newly-demoted Officer Holt arrived back from lunch with Kevin. It was not exactly a daily occurrence, but not irregular around these parts; still, the squad usually would have clamoured all over them for the day’s instalment of juicy wedding-planning gossip were it not for the never-before-seen Diaz family throwdown emanating a distracting amount of tension in the middle of the room.

At first the newcomers were unfazed, and Kevin opened the gate to the bull pen and gestured – with an arm full of flowers and a tiny but glowing smile - for Raymond to proceed him through. They would have happily continued in this distracted bliss, letting the team resolve whatever drama was going down, were it not for the fact that the lilies in Kevin’s arms and the slightest brush of his hand against Raymond’s arm as he passed made the two of them suddenly relevant to said drama.

It started small, just a little – Jake would have had to call it a wince, from Julia. She kind of, curled up her nose a bit, and Jake was reminded of the time he’d punched his former literary hero in the face.

Do not. Punch. Rosa’s. Mother, he commanded of himself, and of course he wasn’t going to, but after dinner and games night and the fight about Jocelyn and knowing the reason for no cop talk at parties and seeing how things like that sneer infected the lives of his friends, he couldn’t just stand there, and so it slipped out – his place or not -

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Julia baulked. “I just don’t think it’s appropriate for a workplace, that’s all.”

“What?” Jake frowned. Why did this keep surprising him?

“What?”

Rosa’s version was not so much confused, as cold. It was sharp – near ruthless. All the fear and pain and seething she had felt etched into her these past few months she spat into her words as she got up from her desk and stalked around it, closer to her mother.

“They’re coming back from a date,” she growled. “Kevin is Holt’s husband. They’ve been together for thirty years.”

Julia at least had the sense to look impressed by this, which quelled the biting fury and the stinging sense of rejection inside Rosa, if only a little. She shouldn’t need to shove wholesome couple after wholesome couple down her mother’s throat for her to get it, but at least it was something. At least it was something. She swallowed, and prayed that this would be over quickly. Of course, it wouldn’t. Not least because the next thing her mother said made her want to start digging a pit to the centre of the earth and never return.

“Well, that makes sense, dear. They were probably the only two left.”

“Ex-cuse me?” Holt interjected.

“Mom, oh my god,” Rosa protested, her stomach churning.

“IIIII don’t understand enough about what’s going on here to be standing where I’m standing,” Jake babbled, because he’d somehow ended up in an uncomfortably prominent position in a very tense, angry circle of Strong Feelings. He scurried out of the way, back behind some desks, and half expected Holt and Rosa to leap into the space he’d left and go after Julia like it was some kind of cage match.

But no.

It was Kevin.

Cool, calm, collected Kevin who was just starting to bristle around the edges and who had a sharpness to his glare, and to his tongue, that anyone in the room besides perhaps Holt would be hard pressed to say they’d ever seen in him before. Jake had. When they were being hunted by Sean Murphy, and Kevin had been trying and failing to protect his husband.

“Excuse me,” he said. “Mrs – Diaz, is it?”

She knew she was in for something, but nodded.

“I’m sure you understand that I don’t appreciate your making light of my relationship,” he continued. “Nor of a very serious disease that took several of Raymond’s and my friends away from us a very young age. Many younger, if I may point out, than Detective Diaz there.”

“I’m so sorry,” Julia apologised, and it could not be said that any part of that was faked. She just hadn’t thought of it quite like that. But the thought of her little girl succumbing to such a horrible disease only made her throat close up and her fears feel more prickly and urgent and intense. “I didn’t mean any offence. You can’t choose who you are.”

“Perhaps not,” Kevin rebutted, “but if I could, I like to believe that I would choose Raymond every time, and he me.”

Julia blinked. “You wouldn’t want to have a family?”

“Raymond is my family.”

“But… wouldn’t it be easier… I mean, if you liked both, wouldn’t being with a woman be easier?”

“Not always. For example, not all women would feel comfortable with the fact that I also enjoyed the company of men.”

There was a beat of eye contact between them, and Julia cleared her throat.

“…Well,” she said, somewhat quieter this time. “You wouldn’t have to tell anyone.”

Rosa wrapped her arms around herself, under the guise of crossed arms. The mask of irritation she had put up began to crack as she replayed the argument with her mother in her mind. It was Jocelyn that her mother couldn’t take seriously; it was always she’s a nice girl, but, like Rosa failed to grasped the concept of settling down. It was always nice, always compliments, so it was hard to explain how much it hurt. Few people in the room knew how that felt. Jake, at least, took note of the tears that were starting to burn her eyes, and shuffled a little closer to her. He was still a whole desk away but somehow she breathed a little easier at that.

Then Kevin met her eyes.

He had been about to turn back; to retreat from a conversation that was deeply uncomfortable and that might not be his place. He wanted nothing more in this moment than to shut himself in Raymond’s office – or even better, their home – and forget he’d ever poked this particular bear.

Then, across the circle, he’d seen her.

He’d seen Rosa, and her arms across her chest, the sheen of tears in her eyes as she tried to look neither away from, nor directly at the scene in front of her.

In her, he saw himself, in church, as a boy. He saw himself, in class, as a student, learning about Achilles and Patroclus and knowing he couldn’t say what he was thinking. He saw himself at his brother’s wedding, looking out at the crowd of people that had gathered to celebrate and wondering – knowing, at the time, or so it had felt – that such a crowd would never turn out for him.

And perhaps it was the fact that he and Raymond had just come back from booking the florist for a ceremony he’d once thought impossible, that sent a pain careering through Kevin’s chest like an arrow. It certainly did not help matters that they’d just started putting together the guest list and seating chart for the wedding, and his father was not on it. And worst of all, was the acute sense of bitterness that he remembered all too well, that had tainted his father’s last breath, when he had told Kevin that he loved him for the first, the last, and the only time since the day he’d come out.

He had tears in his eyes by the time he turned his attention back to Julia. She glanced between him, and over her shoulder at Rosa. There was something between these two, that much she understood. Could the gay thing really run that deep?

“Mrs Diaz,” Kevin said, and it was clearly taking a lot to keep his voice steady. Julia turned back to him, solemn and intrigued as he took a deep breath and spoke – not only on his own behalf, but on her daughter’s as well.

“I know you didn’t ask for this,” he said. “But your daughter is trying to share something with you that is very important to her. She is trying the best she can to share her life with you. It might be difficult to understand but please, please believe that the love you feel for your husband – that is the same love she is capable of feeling. Maybe for a woman. Maybe even for Jocelyn. That’s all she’s trying to tell you. And you should listen. And you should treasure her with all your heart. Because I know for a fact how it feels when that revelation comes too late.”

He let it land, and all of a sudden his knees felt weak beneath him. He marched past Raymond and out of the bull pen into the lift before the shock of what he’d just done could wear off enough to collapse him.

The others watched him go: most were baffled by his unusually vivid emotiveness, but Rosa for one was grateful. Jake hugged himself a little tighter; protectiveness over his friends warring with crappy-dad sympathy to make one super uncomfortable feelings-cocktail. Julia was a little hurt, a little stunned, a little intrigued. Holt, as per usual, took the unusual turn of events in his stride. He held up a wrist and explained:

“Kevin’s father gave me this watch the day he died. After twenty-two years of not tolerating my presence in his home, he apologised, and he wished us luck.” Luck. He snorted. “My father died when I was younger, before I met Kevin, but my mother has always loved and supported me - every part of me, and of the two of us – and believe me when I say I would not be where I am without that love and support. Do not underestimate your power.”

Julia nodded. Maybe, just maybe, it was starting to sink in.

“I know you love your daughter very much, Mrs Diaz,” Holt continued, a little more gently now – but only a little - “and she loves you. It would be a shame to let that go to waste. But I’m sure you know that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m needed elsewhere.”

He gave Julia a pointed stare before exiting the bull pen to track down and comfort Kevin.

Julia took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. If nothing else, it was comforting to know that her daughter had a very protective group of friends and colleagues. And the passion with which they all spoke about each other. And the watch…

When Rosa had walked out on her, Julia had feared for just a second, that her daughter might never speak to her again. It had been one of the most frightening moments of her life, and though it had passed blissfully quickly at the time, she couldn’t help but reflect on it now. And on Holt’s words. And on the gaping wounds their arguments seemed to leave in her. She was only trying to love her daughter, to want what was best for her. But if she stayed on this path, this dark future of bitterness and grief, how could that possibly be better? Wouldn’t she prefer to see her daughter carry herself with pride, smile at the one she loved, open the door for them and carry the bouquet they’d presented her and brush arms with subtle love on their return from a lunch date?

Julia turned to face her daughter, to find her midway through wiping tears from her face.

“I love you, mi niña,” she whispered. “And if Jocelyn makes you happy – then I am happy for you. And I’m going to try harder to understand.”

“Okay,” Rosa said, her voice wobbling dangerously. She cleared her throat. “And yeah. Jocelyn does make me happy. I dunno about marrying her yet but. You know. We’ll see I guess.”

Short sentences. Still not quite crying. Nailing it.

Fortunately, that was part of her daughter that her mother did understand, or at least was used to. She did not push Rosa for more, simply picked up her handbag.

“I got a new extension to Trivial Pursuit,” she said. “Your father and I would love to play it this Friday if you’re available. Bring your friends, of course - or perhaps… Jocelyn?”

Sick and dizzy as she felt at the barrage of emotion, Rosa’s stomach flipped. She was lucky she was not a naturally smiley person, or she might just have given herself away because all of a sudden her heart was screaming IT’S ALL I EVER WANTED, which was of course, an exaggeration, but after months and months of the most awful tension of her life it was like falling away like a mudslide. Is this what relief felt like?

“I’ll think about it,” she said.

Julia nodded, and took her leave.

#fictober19 #rosa diaz #kevin cozner #brooklyn 99 #b99fic #holt x kevin #rosa x jocelyn #b99squad #clara's fic tag #homophobia #biphobia

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nickireadstfc · 7 years

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The King’s Men, Chapter 7 – In Case Of Zombie Apocalypse, Grab Your Racquets And Run

In which the saga of Gays On Rooftops continues, everyone is too sassy to handle, I cry at some beautiful Andrew/Renee normalcy, and Andreil are Andreil.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The King’s Men.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy, I had always heard of The Rooftop Scene™ from fandom, but oh, had I been a fool to assume there was just one of them.

Lads, we’re back to being in high places we shouldn’t be, and we’re in for a fun time.

“Give me one good reason to not push you off the side.”

Neil shook a cigarette stick out and lit it. “I’d drag you down with me. It’s a long way down.”

Two sentences into this conversation, and Neil is already being a sassy little shit.

Now this is the content I signed up for.

“I hate you. (…) Ninety percent of the time the very sight of you makes me want to commit murder. I think about carving the skin from your body and hanging it out as a warning to every other fool who thinks he can stand in my way.”

“What about the other ten?” Neil asked.

Perceptive little dude, look at you! Actually noticing stuff Andrew says, I’m so proud.

Also, I’m hoping this was a rhetorical question, because if not I may take my “perceptive” back.

“I warned you not to put a leash on me.”

“I didn’t,” Neil said. “You put that leash on yourself when you told me to stay no matter what. Don’t be mad at me just because I was smart enough to pick up the other end of it.”

I want it to please be known that I am resisting about 20 kinky leash jokes right now.

Thankfully, Andrew waltzes on with the conversation before I can utter any.

Good boy.

“I don’t think it was the money (…) why they chased you so long. I imagine at some point they realized it was far more important to hurt you than to recoup anything they’d lost.”

“So you stay, but you still won’t hit me.”

Neil has become being such a sassy shit to Andrew, I can’t even tell you how much I’m loving this.

Homeboy takes no shit from no one anymore.

Despite Andrew’s unfriendly words, his expression and tone were calm. He said these things like they meant nothing to him. Neil didn’t know if it was a mask or the truth. Was Andrew hiding that rage from Neil or from himself? Maybe the monster was buried until Neil crossed another unforgiveable line.

And of course, Neil being Neil, he instantly searches for that line exactly.

Neil and Andrew, pretty much.

“Good,” Neil said at length. (…) “I want to see you lose control.”

Damn right you do, honey.

Neil feigned confusion as he got to his feet. “Am I bothering you?”

“Beyond the telling.”

“Interesting,” Neil said. “Last week you said nothing gets under your skin.”

OOOHHHHHHHHHH.

Neil, my boy my dude my homie, you are on FIRE today.

Neil mic-drops out of the conversation and gets off the roof – only to be immediately thrown to the ground by the angrier, more vocal version of Andrew.

After several people are needed to wrestle Aaron and Neil free from each other, we find out what exactly has our second favourite twin’s orange boxers in a twist:

“Katelyn’s refusing to see me or talk to me until Andrew and I get counselling.”

DAMN, GIRL.

I knew Katelyn was badass, but this has just propelled her to the very top of the Takes No Shit Charts.

KATELYN YOU WONDERFUL TOUGH HEADSTRONG ORANGE SUNSHINE, LET ME LOVE YOU.

Nicky’s jaw dropped, but it sounded more admiring than anything. “Damn, Neil.”

Same, Nicks.

Aaron shot him a livid look. “Don’t you dare take his side.”

“Why not?” Nicky asked. “It’s not like you ever let me take yours.”

Shots have been fired, tea has been spilled, Aaron has been thoroughly shut up.

What is up with this team and sassy remarks today, you guys. Wonderful.

Neil reunited with Dan’s crowd, who immediately begin questioning the previous violent (and also German) exchange, as any sane person would do.

“What the hell is going on?”

“I’m doing what you asked me to do,” Neil said. “I’m fixing them. (…) If a bone isn’t healing straight, you have no choice but to break it. They’ll be fine.”

Neil has been taking metaphor style notes from Andrew, apparently.

Matt leaned against the doorframe and arched a brow at Neil. “That’s not exactly reassuring. From you ‘fine’ could mean anything from ‘I’m going to hitchhike across the state’ to ‘I’m beaten to a bloody pulp but I can still hold a racquet’.”

Damn, Matt.

This squad is not messing around today.

Matt, Dan and Allison play a fun goodnight game of Getting Drunk Off Their Asses, and while Neil and Renee clean up the mess afterwards, they have a lil talk about y’know, boys.

“Thank you,” she said, “for reaching him when I couldn’t.”

This just in: I still love Renee, thank you for asking.

Renee confirms what we kind of knew already: When Andrew started watching Kevin and the monsters’ backs, Renee was tasked with watching those of the rest. She even offered to take Neil when he arrived, bless her heart. But of course, we know how quickly Andrew snatched Neil’s dramatic ass up into his crew.

“That being said, I tried taking you off his hands at one point.” When Neil looked at her in surprise, Renee affected an innocent look that for once was not entirely convincing. “Andrew refused on the grounds he wouldn’t wish you on anyone except a mortician.”

“Drama queen,” Neil muttered.

First off – lmao @ Andrew for being the drama queen we treasure him for, and lmao @ Neil for finally commenting on it.

But second – how am I to interpret that not-convincing innocent look? Did she just wanna protect Neil from Andrew and now feels about it, for not trusting her friend enough? Or does she know about Andrew’s, ahem, possible ulterior motives?

I’m betting on the latter. As if Andrew doesn’t talk to her about his crushes during their BFF sleepovers. As if.

In order to avoid his teammates’ bad spirit about, well, everything at the moment, when it comes to warm-up on the court the next day, Neil – surprise! – joins Renee and Andrew on their jog.

A lil wholesome conversation will go a long way, folks, even if that long way just goes around the Court walls.

And what does my favourite Brotp in this universe do on their mighty distinguished Break Walks?

They discusss hypothetical WWIII scenarios.

LOVELY.

Seriously, I love this. This is exactly the kind of wholesome normal best-friends-havin-a-chat content I signed up for, and I can’t believe my poor heart is finally getting what it deserves.

Neil is equally delighted by the Goalie BFFs’ choice of debate subject, and his thirsty ass is immediately back the next day.

And it gets better – today, it’s zombie apocalypses.

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSES.

Surviving on the run was Neil’s forte, and it was interesting to see how his priorities compared with theirs. Renee stressed the importance of collecting survivors, which Andrew shot down immediately.

Because of course she did, because of course he did.

I LOVE THIS.

Every single thing about this is gold and I want a billion fanarts.

Neil wondered what he would do if an invasion really happened. (…) Chances were it’d be instinctive to abandon all of them if the undead put in a ravenous appearance. It wasn’t exactly an uplifting realization, but Neil could accept the ugly truths about himself.

This, this is so important to me. Neil isn’t magically over his entire upbringing now that he’s got friends, he’ll maybe always have these instincts his mother put in him, but he’s coming to accept this about himself. He’s being open and honest with himself, even if it means addressing bad emotions and bad truths and really man have I mentioned I love Neil Josten recently.

In other news: Renee is apparently texting buddies with Jean now!

And I’m p sure they allowed outside contact with the Foxy Orange Scum beneath their Holy Feathery Feet, so Jean is probably breaking a billion laws (and maybe risking a few fingers) sending memes to Renee, so props to you, my man. You have my approval to be engaging in contact with my fave sweetheart.

Neil is equally on board with this.

“I’m hoping she can weaking his blind loyalty.” Neil thought about it a moment longer, then said, “Maybe that’s why Matt stopped betting on the two of you?”

This is either Neil being the oblivious fuck that we know and treasure, or Neil poking the bear.

Either way, good shit right there if I do say so myself.

To close this chapter off – we’re in for another Prime Andreil Deep Talk. This time featuring: Money!

“It isn’t charity,” Neil said. “It’s revenge. It wasn’t my money in the first place, remember? I told you my father skimmed it from the Moriyamas. If you take some for your car, you’re making Riko fix what his fans destroyed.”

Can your stolen money also fix Riko’s attitude, asking for a friend.

“Revenge is a motivator only for the weak-willed,” Andrew said.

“If you believed that you wouldn’t be planning on how to kill Proust.”

OHHHH burn. Did I mention I’m here for Neil Take No Shit Josten lately?

Also yikes. Almost forgot about that guy.

I’m intrigued to see whether he actually appears in this book.

Andrew retaliates this comment by blowing a fuckton of smoke in Neil’s face, which Neil retaliates by breaking Andrew’s cigarette.

Actual fucking children, I tell you.

“You bought the last car with someone’s death. You can buy this one with someone’s life – my life. That money was going to buy my next name when I ran away from here. Thanks to you I don’t need it anymore.”

Yeah, hi, if anyone needs me I’ll be subtly crying in a corner.

“Make a new deal with me. (…) What would you give me?” Neil asked.

“Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”

Neil frowned at him, lost, but Andrew didn’t waste his breath explaining.

Ah yes, and here we are back again with Neil being an oblivious idiot. Jeez, boi.

Ily, but use ya brain.

Mirculously, Neil does, but quite differently than I expected him to – he convinces Andrew to give up cracker dust.

Nice, I guess. One addiction less. Kind of anticlimactic, though.

Next!

Andrew thought it over a minute, then flicked his cigarette at Neil. It singed the material where it bounced off his shirt. (…)

“I’m going to take your temper tantrum as a yes,” Neil said.

The sass does not stop, you guys.

Wonderful.

If you like what I do here and you want me to continue writing fun things for you, why not buy me a coffee? Every lil bit helps, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!

#tfc #the foxhole court #aftg #all for the game #the king's men #tkm #nora sakavic #nicki reads tfc #this was a bit of a filler chapter but I still had fun with it #and a day earlier than I promised #hah suck that procrastination

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rebeccaheyman · 4 years

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reading + listening 10.05.20

We Can Only Save Ourselves (Alison Wisdom), eBook, ARC (pub date February 2021). The comp titles cited in the market copy are totally on-point (Little Fires Everwhere/The Girls/The Virgin Suicides), but I’d also say readers who loved ASK AGAIN, YES and/or BIG LITTLE LIES should have this title on their radar. My four-star review on NetGalley:

Alison Wisdom's tension-filled, haunting debut, WE CAN ONLY SAVE OURSELVES, exposes the dark underbelly of sunny, safe suburbia. When Alice, a native daughter of wholesome Anywhere, USA, decides to follow a mysterious stranger to a decidedly less-wholesome bungalow filled with lost girls, she leaps feet-first into a version of the wider world that puts her very identity at risk.

WE CAN ONLY SAVE OURSELVES is narrated in first person plural, a la The Virgin Suicides or Then We Came To The End. The neighborhood's mothers keep one foot on their front lawns, even as they follow Alice beyond the confines of the old familiar places; the results are as enigmatic as they are specific -- propulsive, even as the distance between "us" and "her" grows. Like all parents, the narrative chorus has eyes everywhere -- "a superpower we gained as we transformed from women into mothers."

The novel drew me along with stunning prose, deftly drawn characters, and a looming sense of impending dread that made it impossible to look away. For all the qualities that sustain it, WE CAN ONLY SAVE OURSELVES reserves one of its finest features for last: it ends perfectly, and in the perfect place. It's so rare to find a novel that says everything that needs saying, but also leaves unsaid a single extraneous word, but this one does it -- and beautifully.

[I received an ARC of this novel from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.]

A Deadly Education (Naomi Novik), aBook (narr. Anisha Dadia). It’s not a stretch to say I am o b s e s s e d with UPROOTED -- so I’ve had this newest title from Naomi Novik on my radar for some time. Friends, it does not disappoint. NINTH HOUSE meets The Winternight Trilogy meets THE HUNGER GAMES in a vividly realized, voice-driven story that will have you pining, probably not for the first time, for the chance to abandon life as you know it and go to wizard school.

Our heroine, Galadriel, is destined to be a Dark Queen and prophesied to reap destruction within the magical community, but she’s fighting her baser instincts to walk a path more aligned with her mother’s more inclusive, love-and-light mentality. This struggle makes life at the Scholomance even harder for El than it usually is -- and it’s usually deadly.

I don’t like to get mired in plot specific in these reviews, but suffice it to say A DEADLY EDUCATION boasts all the thoughtful, detail-rich world-building you’ll find in Novik’s other works, along with a powerful, snarky, savvy heroine; a well-drawn secondary cast; compelling conflict in both episodic mini-arcs and myth-building arcs that will carry through the remainder of the trilogy; and a school that is literally trying to kill its students. It was a fantastic romp from start to finish and I’m already looking forward to a relisten/reread when book 2 comes out.

Anisha Dadia, who I’ve not had the pleasure of listening to previously, knocked this out of the park. Her tone and style remind me a lot of Priya Ayyar, which is high praise in my book.

Angel in the Devil’s Arms (Palace of Rogues, book 2) (Julie Anne Long), eBook. I discovered the first book in this series when Libro.fm featured it in their September Kiss Club recommendations, and the second installment does not disappoint! Julie Anne Long’s style is in line with Tessa Dare or Courtney Milan, in the sense that she gives equal weight and detail to the external, non-romantic elements of the plot as she does to internal/emotional/romance-driven elements. ANGEL takes us back to the Grand Palace on the Thames, where the mysterious return of Lord Bolt sends Angelique’s world into a tizzy. The prodigal viscount is back in London for revenge, but his plans go sideways once love is in the mix. Crossing my fingers that the third book-in-series, due in May 2021, shows up on NetGalley sooner over later.

One to Watch (Kate Stayman-London), eBook. I’ve been trying to up my intake of body-positive fiction lately (and if you are too, please add IT’S BEEN A PLEASURE, NONI BLAKE and ACT YOUR AGE, EVE BROWN to your TBR immediately), so ONE TO WATCH was naturally on my radar. The premise here is that a Bachelorette-style reality TV program casts a plus-size fashion blogger, Bea Schumacher, in the starring role. Stayman-London moves far beyond this premise, though, by integrating public and private media responses to the program itself within the text; blog posts, blog comments, tweets, text threads, Slack chats -- the intertextual input is strong throughout, but the meta-commentary never feels forced or frivolous. I’ve been pushing my authors to utilize intertext more thoughtfully in the past couple years, so I was especially glad to see it done beautifully here.

There’s so much to love about ONE TO WATCH: the portrayal of dynamic female friendships; fat rep, yes, but also authentic-feeling racial, asexual/aromantic, and nonbinary rep; deep exploration of the mental and emotional impact of cultural fatphobia; thoughtful exploration of what it means to find love after the emotional trauma of failed romance; and so much more. I confess that I’ve never been able to stomach Bachelor/Bachelorette-style shows, which I find hopelessly awkward and dull, so I was a tad skeptical about this book -- but ONE TO WATCH moves far beyond its core premise, and is 1000% more interesting than the shows it uses as a reference point. I’m already looking forward to Stayman-London’s next book [insert cheeky “she’s one to watch” pun].

The Perils of Pleasure: Pennyroyal Green book 1 (Julie Anne Long), aBook (narr. Justine Eyre). I wanted to dive into Julie Anne Long’s backlist after enjoying the Palace of Rogues titles so much. Her 11-part Pennyroyal Green series seemed like the right place to start. Once again, Long provides a juicy, twisty non-romance plot to bolster the slow-burn romance between our leads -- who meet when Madeline orchestrates an eleventh-hour rescue from the gallows for the falsely-accused Colin. This was satisfying enough, but things got rushed in Act III, and ultimately the resolution of the external plot relied overmuch on one character monologuing at length to reveal all. I’ll keep listening eventually, though I don’t feel compelled to inhale the series all in one go; skeptics like myself will recall that Kleypas’s Ravenels series starts with a middling book 1, but delivers some seriously satisfying plot (and romance) as the series progresses. I’ve got other titles queued up for listening next week, but I’ll circle back to Pennyroyal Green in the near future.

#one to watch #we can only save ourselves #netgally #angel in the devil's arms #a deadly education #the perils of pleasure #romance #book reviews #amreading #now read this

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kelmcdonald · 7 years

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A Year in Review 2017

New Post has been published on http://sorcery101.net/news/a-year-in-review-2017/

A Year in Review 2017

Hi everyone,

So it’s the end of the year. I have been looking back over the year to make my goals for next year. Last year I posted my goals on Patreon for the highest backer level. It’s a level that no one ever backed at. I don’t know if the price was too high or just general lack of interest. But I liked writing those posts so as long as I have time, I think I’ll start posted some edited versions of them free on my site each month. Before I started doing that I thought I’d post a public behind the scenes wrap up.

2017 was rough and exhausting. That’s true for a lot of people.

I tried to stick to my professional and personal goals anyway. I also tried a few experiments to see how things would work out.

Last year, I had a few business/income related goals. I wanted to focus on building my Patreon, my newsletter, and my store. I wanted to get rid of ads and do less cons. Ads are ugly and hard to track down bad ones. Cons I want to do less of because they are exhausting to me. I don’t think I’ve ever got creative burn out but I definitely get hussle/promo burn out. It’s been taking me longer and longer to recover from cons. So anywhere that I can get money which isn’t from cons if great.

A lot of my site redesign was to push those things.

My newletter is I think the most successful of those goals. I got a good few hundred folks signing up from my website and a bunch of folks signing up after my kickstarter. Next year I’m gonna try to focus on making it better. I few people asked for highlights from the blog here as well as promo. But I’m still taking suggestions if anyone wants to leave them in the comic. Right now it’s just promo but if I don’t have promo that month I end up not knowing what to write.

The shop getting pushed more, I think it did better than last year but I haven’t crunched the numbers yet.

Patreon didn’t go very well this year. I wanted to get more patrons there to mostly get rid of ads. I ended up making less money on patreon than before. I used to charge weekly and thought switching to monthly would help get more people on board, but I never ended up attracting enough people to make up for the difference. I tired a few different things like business posts like this one, sketch requests, and streams. At first I was posting my early comics in a big PDF but then was told more frequent posts get peoples attention more. I also tried to post more art on there. None of those really enticed people to jump on. I don’t know if people just don’t like my stuff. If I’m just not cut out for promoting a long term thing rather just doing a focused push for one big project. Either way I’m feeling pretty discouraged and after last weeks debacle with the fee change is leaving me kinda sour on Patreon. In 2018 I’m gonna try to focus on other stuff that might pay off more.

I was looking for more work from publishers and companies in 2017 too. Or more working smarter not harder with companies. That didn’t pay off in 2017 but it get me some cool stuff lined up for 2018.

But for now it looks like I’m gonna still be hitting up 10 or more cons a year.

On the somewhat creative goal and somewhat personal, I spent a lot of of this year making sure I kept up with my comic reading. It can be easy to not keep up with reading new comics and know what is out there when you are busy trying to make comics. I buy most of my comics at conventions but I got an ipad pro to be a portable digital drawing tool so I’ve been reading a lot of manga on that. But here’s some high stuff I really enjoyed and will probably write about on my blog over the coarse of next year. I read them this year but they didn’t all come out this year. The webcomics I’m just gonna link cause they are free to read but I usually just read the print collections when it comes to webcomics. So when I say I read them this year I mean the print collection.

Wilde Life by Pascalle Lepas

Agents of the Realm by Mildred Louis

The Meek by Der-shing Helmer

Feywinds by Nicole Chartrand

Check Please by Ngozi Ukazu

O Human Star by Blue Delliquanti

A Silent Voice by Yoshitoki Ōima which is about a guy trying to get forgiveness from the deaf girl he bullied in elementary school. It’s very intense and grips with complicated questions about who gets forgiven and who decides who gets that forgiveness.

Monstress by Marijorie liu and Sana Takeda. It’s a fantasy epic that is set in a matriarchal setting where magical humanoid creatures and sorceresses are at war. The main character is trying to learn more about an elder god type thing that has taken over her arm. It’s gorgeous and complicated and female focused. This might be my favorite comic right now.

Fun Family by Ben Frisch. I picked this up because I went to college which Ben. Fun Family is a fictional behind the scenes of Family Circus. It kinda odd but I liked it because it explores how a simple wholesome comic like Family Circus can be comforting when your home life is falling apart.

Dragon Ball by Akira Toriyama. I don’t got to tell you all what Dragon Ball is about. But I read it for the first time and really liked it. I had only seen the anime before this. It was interesting to see the source material. I thought it was a lot of fun.

Parasyte by Hitoshi Iwaki. Most anime fans know about this one too but again I read it this year. For you none anime fans alien parasites take over human hosts and replace their heads. The main character gets his hand taken over instead and he has to work with the parasite to hide from both humans and parasites. It’s an interesting mix of body horror and exploring morality.

My Hero Academia by Kohei Horikoshi. It’s about a superhero school in world where more people have superpowers and being a superhero is partly being a celebrity and partly a government job.

Space Battle Lunch Time by Natalie Riess. It’s about a cooking reality tv show in space. I was a lot of fun and very cute. It does a good job of having multiple rounds of cooking contests without getting repetitive. The main character is super charming.

Moonlighters by Katie Schenkel and Cal Moray. An all ages comic about werewolves doing magical odd jobs on their college campus.

Soupy Leave Home by Cecil Castellucci and Jose Pimenta. I picked this up because I introduced Cecil and Jose to each other. Their book is really good. It’s about a girl who disguises herself as a boy so she can run away to ride the rails as a hobo during the great depression. It’s bitter sweet and does an excellent job showing the relationship build between Soupy and her mentor on the rails.

I also liked Castoffs by MK Reed, Brain Smith, and Molly Ostertag and Letters for Lucardo by Noora Heikkilä but those both are only at volume 1 and I feel like the stuff that I’ll really want to talk about will probably happen in volume 2. My reading list is organized shortest to longest and so some have been on there for awhile. For 2018 far it’s:

As the Crow Flies by Melanie Gilman

Not Drunk Enough by Tess Stone

The Fifth Beatle by Vivek Tiwary, Kyle Baker, and Andrew C. Robinson

Vattu vol 2 by Evan Dahm

The Last Halloween by Abby Howard

East of West year 2 by Jonathan Hichman and Nick Dragotta

Drive by Dave Kellet

The Less than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal by EK Weaver

I Am Hero by Shinsuke Sato

If you all got recommendations I’m open to em. I think it’s important to read comic if you want to improve. So while I am gearing up for my next big project I wanted to make sure knew what was out there. I have been writing about them on Patreon but I’m gonna start posting them publicly. Writing about the stuff I like is just to help me articulate what I’m looking for in stories and be more deliberate in the future. I’m intentionally not reading Marvel and DC though. So if you suggest stuff from them I’ll probably pass.

And then here are more general personal goals and experiments.

I got really unhealthy while working on Misfits of Avalon because juggling two comics isn’t super smart when when has a hard deadline. There were a few months while working on it where I basically drank ALL THE REDBULL to finish on time. I also gained 20 lbs while working on it. So a lot of 2017 was me trying to undo the damage caused by overworking.

I don’t pay a lot of attention to my weight and mostly noticed because I got faced with the choice of lose weight or buy new clothes. Excising takes more work but is cheaper. So I started biking 3 times a week and used the biking version of couch to 5k to improve. I mostly stuck with it because MK Reed was my biking buddy. We fell off a few times when con season got hectic. Then because of con season I tried to think of something that is easier to do while away. So in October after all my cons were done I gave jogging a try. I wanted to die and my throat was closing up. I couldn’t finish even half of what couch to 5k tells you to do the first day. I thought maybe I’d improve. But after no improvement for a month I went to the doctor. Turns out my lungs are all fucked up and I just didn’t know it because that was how I always breathed. Doctor gave me an inhaler which helped with running so now I can completely the first day of the program, but my none running breathing is still not as good as it should be. So I just got a different inhaler that is supposed to help with that. Otherwise I might have some expensive medical tests coming up. So fingers crossed that everything is fine.

I also tried to do some push ups at the beginning of the year. I started by doing them off my counter and then moved lower to the arm rest of my couch. But I was apparently doing them wrong so I never successfully got to doing push ups off the floor. Building muscle strength might be something I need more help with than cardio.

And while running sucks honestly the hardest thing to do was fix how bad my caffeine addiction got. I mentioned above that I drank a lot of Redbull when Misfit of Avalon deadlines got tight. Well, when I went to C2E2 last year, the time it took me to wake up, go to the airport, fly to Chicago, and get to where I was staying gave me a withdrawal headache. So less than 24 hours. I still had 2-3 months of work to do on Misfits but I made a self note that this is a problem I needed to deal with once finished. So I turned in my pages that June. Then I quit caffeine cold turkey because I’m very bad at cutting back on things. It was a miserable two weeks. But by the time SDCC rolled around I could get through a con day with only one cup (as opposed to like 6 cups).

So for health stuff in 2018, I’m gonna try to keep up the jogging and biking. Figure out what is up with my lungs. And try to get help on the upper body strength that I am lacking.

#business stuff

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lynchgirl90 · 7 years

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@Variety COVER STORY: Inside the roller-coaster journey to get @DAVID_LYNCH's #TwinPeaks back on TV

A red room. A dream version of Laura Palmer. An older Special Agent Dale Cooper, silent and pensive. The Man From Another Place, speaking cryptically: “That gum you like is going to come back in style.” It was early 1989, and Lynch was hard at work on “Twin Peaks.” He and co-creator Mark Frost were trying to meet the deadlines of ABC, the network that had commissioned a drama about love, pie and murder in a Pacific Northwest town. Lynch was under pressure to create scenes that would allow the pilot to be released as a TV movie in case it didn’t get picked up to series. But the filmmaker didn’t have any ideas for footage that could wrap up the story neatly enough to please a movie audience. Then he walked outside during an early-evening break from editing and folded his arms on the roof of a car. “The roof was so warm, but not too warm,” Lynch says. “It was just a really good feeling — and into my head came the red room in Cooper’s dream. That opened up a portal in the world of ‘Twin Peaks.’” That vision ended up in the third episode — but more importantly, it would lay the groundwork for the highly anticipated revival of the series, which returns May 21 on Showtime. It’s an older Cooper that anchors the series. While countless reboots of numerous series have crashed and burned, it’s safe to say few have been as intensely followed by fans as this one. As Showtime CEO David Nevins put it, “‘Twin Peaks’ as a place is a proper noun, but it’s almost become an adjective.” Since the show’s debut in April 1990, many dramas have tried to create the kind of evocative, twisted atmosphere “Twin Peaks” exuded from the first twanging notes of Angelo Badalamenti’s yearning score. And though intense dramas about murders that reverberate through tight-knit communities are now easy to find on TV, no show has come close to achieving the mix of humor, soapy drama, sincerity and corrupted purity found within the strange confines of “Twin Peaks.”

That’s because much of what’s distinctive about the drama emerges from the most unpredictable corners of Lynch’s mind — like that red room epiphany. “It comes in a burst,” Lynch explains. “An idea comes in, and if you stop and think about it, it has sound, it has image, it has a mood, and it even has an indication of wardrobe, and knowing a character, or the way they speak, the words they say. A whole bunch of things can come in an instant.” Frost describes a case in point: “I remember him calling me to say, ‘Mark, there’s a giant in Cooper’s room,’” he says. “I learned early on that it was always best to be very receptive to whatever might bubble up from David’s subconscious.” The first iteration of “Twin Peaks” lasted only two seasons — 30 episodes in all — but the show left a legacy that would help define auteur TV. “I don’t think anyone who ever saw ‘Twin Peaks’ will ever have it not ingrained in their memory and imagination for the rest of their lives,” says Laura Dern, a frequent Lynch collaborator who plays a mysterious role in the new season. Yet getting the series back on-screen was no easy feat. At one point, the revival almost fell apart before production began. It would take delicate negotiations by all parties to rescue the project. “I was an actual, genuine lover of ‘Twin Peaks’ and the world that [Lynch] created, and I knew his filmography really well,” Nevins notes. “[We said] we would take the ride with him, and that we would treat it well and treat it with the respect that it deserved. I think we did. We bobbed and weaved with him; we were patient when we had to be patient.”

Lynch and Frost began talking about returning to “Twin Peaks” in August 2012, in part because the show’s baked-in time jump was approaching — in that pivotal red room scene, Agent Cooper is 25 years older. The two men shared ideas over meals at Musso & Frank, and after the writing process had begun in earnest, they started to shop the revival around. They settled on Showtime fairly quickly, given their history with the executives. Gary S. Levine, Showtime’s president of programming, has known Frost and Lynch since his days at ABC. Almost three decades ago, he was one of the execs who heard their pitch for the TV show they initially called “Northwest Passage.” (Levine still has the memo that notes the date of the first concept meeting for the pilot — Aug. 25, 1988.) But as with everything Lynch, the agreement for the redux came down to instinct: A final piece of the puzzle, say the execs, was a painting in Nevins’ office of a little girl next to a bookcase that looks like it may fall on her. “I was making the pitch about why he should come here and why we would treat his property right, and he mostly stood there and stared at the painting,” Nevins recalls. (For his part, Lynch says the painting wasn’t the deciding factor, but he smiles at the memory of seeing it.) The deal closed in the fall of 2014, with an order of nine episodes; the following January, Lynch hand-delivered a 400-page document. “It was like the Manhattan phone book,” Frost says. Their plan was to shoot the entire thing — with Lynch at the helm of every episode —and then edit the resulting footage into individual episodes. It’s hard to imagine wrestling that 400-page behemoth into a briefcase, let alone giving notes on it. When talks broke down, however, the conflict wasn’t about the script but rather the project’s budget. In April 2015, the director went public with his growing displeasure, tweeting that “after 1 year and 4 months of negotiations, I left because not enough money was offered to do the script the way I felt it needed to be done.”

Lynch’s threatened departure generated a flurry of commentary, most of which said that a version of the TV show without him would be worse than no “Twin Peaks” at all. “I didn’t want ‘Twin Peaks’ without Lynch either,” Nevins says drily. The Showtime chief says he was out of the country when negotiations hit that difficult patch. Lynch wanted the flexibility to expand the length of the season, but he didn’t know exactly how many episodes he’d end up with. He hoped it would be possible to go longer than the 9 or 13 installments that had been discussed, but he ran into resistance from the network’s business affairs department. “It didn’t fit into the box of how people are used to negotiating these kinds of deals,” Nevins says. “Once I understood what the issues were from the point of view of the filmmaker, I was like, ‘OK, we can figure that out.’ And we did — it turned out not to be very complicated to [resolve].” Nevins and Levine went over to the director’s house. “Gary brought cookies,” Lynch recalls. And over baked goods and coffee, the three men hashed everything out. Lynch, says Nevins, has a history of being responsible. “He said, ‘Give me the money; I will figure out how to apportion it properly.’ And he did,” Nevins says. (Levine says the cost of “Twin Peaks” is comparable to that of Showtime’s other high-end dramas.) Asked for his side of the story, Lynch asks, “What did Showtime say?” Told their version, he signs off: “Basically, that’s it.” He says his relationship with the network ever since the cookie summit has been “solid gold.” (Treats never hurt: When he delivered cuts of the new season, he sent along doughnuts.)

The mystery of the first season of “Twin Peaks” was, famously, “Who killed Laura Palmer?” The mystery of the reboot is, well — nearly everything. None of the 18 episodes will be released in advance to critics, and very few details have leaked out. Though cast members such as Kyle MacLachlan (Agent Cooper), Madchen Amick (Shelly Johnson), Sherilyn Fenn (Audrey Horne) and Ray Wise (Leland Palmer) are returning, others, including Joan Chen, Michael Ontkean and Lara Flynn Boyle, won’t be back. No one will say what characters are being played by new recruits Dern, Ashley Judd, Tim Roth, Naomi Watts and Robert Forster — there’s a roster of more than 200 characters in the new season. Frost’s father, Warren; Catherine Coulson, the Log Lady; and Miguel Ferrer, who played the irascible Albert Rosenfield, all filmed scenes before they died. Nevins lets it slip that Lynch’s character, the hearing-impaired FBI Regional Bureau Chief Gordon Cole, is “pretty prominent” in the new season. “I probably said too much,” he adds. MacLachlan says that Lynch enjoys the world of “Twin Peaks” so much that he couldn’t resist putting himself back in it. But he admits that, for his part, he finds it hard to stay in character when he’s doing scenes with his director. “Unless we’re really both firmly rooted in what we’re doing, we tend to start laughing and messing up,” the actor says. Stopping for a moment, the actor reconsiders: “David, when he works, he’s very committed to Gordon. So when I’m in there with him, he’s able to really hold it. He holds it better than I do, to be honest.” For those expecting a similar structure to the original, which revolved around Laura’s death, Frost issues a warning: “It’s going to be very different this time around.” The scope of the reboot is greater, says Nevins, adding that the new installments of the drama reflect Lynch’s advancement as an artist.

“I think he’s evolved to an even more extreme version of himself, but all of the [Lynch] themes are visible,” Nevins says. “He has certain ideas about the ideal of America. Not to relate it too much to the present, but he has certain ideas about Midwestern American wholesomeness. But I think he’s also incredibly aware of the flip side of it. I think David Lynch is a really relevant voice: What does it mean when we say, ‘Make America great again?’” Given the wider scope, it’s not surprising to hear that, though “Twin Peaks” returned to Snoqualmie, Wash., for some filming, certain storylines in the new season take place outside the Pacific Northwest, and the bulk of the new season was shot in Southern California. “There are different threads in different parts of the U.S.” that eventually converge, Nevins says. “It does not go outside the U.S., but it is in multiple locations in the U.S.” One last clue from Lynch: The film “Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me,” he says, is very important to understanding what’s coming May 21.

Even if “Twin Peaks” travels outside its forested Pacific Northwest setting, it’s safe to assume there’s still cherry pie on the menu at the Double R Diner. Lynch and Frost’s collaborative process is also still intact; 25 years later, the two men picked up where they left off. Lynch lives in Los Angeles and Frost resides more than an hour away, so the two men often worked together via Skype. Frost typically writes down what they come up with, and then the two trade notes and talk further to refine the story. “Getting it the way you want it to be, that’s a beautiful high and it’s a high for everybody,” says Lynch of directing. “It’s difficult to go home and go right to sleep. And it’s murder to get up in the morning.” Lynch directed every episode of the drama, which wrapped production a year ago. In a perfect world, he says he would have helmed every installment of the original series. “Not that other directors didn’t do a fine job,” he says. “But when it’s passing through different people, it’s just natural that they would end up with [something] different than what I would do.” The freedom of airing on a premium channel didn’t change his approach, Lynch says. There’s not much in the way of nudity or extreme violence in the finished product. “You don’t think, ‘Oh, I can do this now,’” he says. “The story tells you what’s going to happen.” In fact, despite the show’s reputation for being unsettling, most of what’s dark and dangerous about “Twin Peaks” comes from its mood and soundscape, not necessarily from what’s depicted on-screen. Decades ago, ABC executives were excited about Lynch and Frost’s pitch in part because it was, in many ways, relatively conventional. It fit easily into a number of existing TV categories: the classic nighttime soap, the murder mystery, the high school drama and the small-town saga.

“There certainly weren’t Standards & Practices issues at the time,” Levine says. “[Lynch’s] imagination took you to new places, not to prurient places. That was a good thing in broadcast TV.” But the otherworldly elements that Lynch layered in — an indefinable air of mystery, a surreal quality that evoked swooning, bittersweet loss — were among the factors that made the original “Twin Peaks” a ratings and pop-culture sensation. And despite that the second season was more uneven than the first, the show often effectively blended slapstick humor with dream logic, bittersweet romance, heightened melodrama and hints of violence and degradation. “He’s got both really good craft and storytelling skills, and he also creates his own reality without it violating the reality you’re in,” Levine says. “I think that was one of the great things about the original — it was a really compelling plot, but it also was this acid trip. Somehow those two things coexist beautifully in David Lynch’s world.” Lynch doesn’t question where inspirations like the red room scene come from; he simply wants to capture them with his cameras. And lest anyone think he’s overly precious about his process, Lynch doesn’t consider himself the creator of these visions. “It's like that idea existed before you caught it, so in some strange way, we human beings, we don't really do anything,” he says. “The ideas come along and you just translate them.” What might Lynch’s response be if an actor said, about a line, "That doesn't feel right to me”? “I don't know if I've ever said that to him, actually,” says MacLachlan, stumped by the question. “I mean, I would never change it. It is there for a reason.” In fact, to hear him tell it, the fact that Cooper is an iconic TV character is in many ways a tribute to the writing for the character, especially in Cooper’s debut scene. “I brought my stuff, yeah,” MacLachlan says. “But that’s one of the greatest introductions into a story of any that I've ever had — driving up the mountain, talking into a tape recorder about some of the mundane things in life, just kind of cataloguing it. Immediately, you wonder, ‘Who is this guy and what is he about?’” “When I first started with David in ‘Dune,’ I was full of questions. I would bother him non-stop,” MacLachlan says. “He always had a great deal of patience with me. On ‘Blue Velvet,’ I still [had questions], but less, and then with ‘Twin Peaks,’ even less. I've stopped having to know everything. I’ve just said, ‘OK, I see where we're going.’” “For Kyle and I, we've spoken about this incredible gift that we know what [Lynch] means” when he discusses his vision for a scene or a project, Dern says. “We have gone on this journey with him, so we know his language, or what he's inventing. We don't necessarily need to understand it or need it to be logical, but we see where his brain is taking him and we can follow.”

Dern and MacLachlan both say they relish the opportunity to work with Lynch because his vision is so specific that it gives them a detailed road map to follow — and it makes the set an efficient place. “There’s no wasted time or wasted emotions, tangents, whatever,” MacLachlan notes. “He’s very precise when we talk through the scene, and he tells me what’s going to happen. He has already thought it through, and he sees it.” Dern marvels at the rigor and enigma of Lynch’s process. “David creates these worlds, sometimes all too real and sometimes incredibly absurd, but either way, he places humanity inside them, and his dialogue is so precise, mysterious, unusual and beautiful that you want to dive into that dialogue and hopefully make it soar,” she says. Given Lynch’s penchant for secrecy, just about all Dern can say about her character is that she talks about birds, at least once. “Kyle and I had several scenes, particularly in the car, when we're talking about the robins,” Dern says. “There’s this very beautiful, hopeful poetry amidst this hellish world they've entered.” Rewatching “Twin Peaks” recently, MacLachlan was struck by how the editing of the show helps it create a series of moods, from comedic to tautly suspenseful, from romantic to terrifying. “His timing, his rhythms,” MacLachlansays. “That's what I find so interesting about David Lynch — the way he stretches things or condenses things, or manipulates time to make something either seem more humorous or less.”

Now all that remains to be seen is how the public responds to the new adventures of Agent Cooper, that avatar of square-jawed all-American perseverance. “I believe in intuition,” Lynch says. “I believe in optimism, and energy, and a kind of a Boy Scout attitude, and Cooper’s got all those things.” The most important parallel between Lynch and Cooper is that their belief in their own intuition is matched by a purposeful, almost single-minded intent. What allows Lynch to put deeply felt images from his subconscious on the screen is a tenacious focus — one that’s cloaked in the kind of smiling, friendly optimism that Cooper typically exudes. “His vision is genuine,” Dern says. “He’s not interested in creating something so others will be impacted by it. He just sees a world and has to follow it.” Despite the passionate responses his works have created, Lynch doesn’t necessarily set out to delve into the hearts and minds of his viewers. He’s just an interpreter of something primal — a messenger for the visions that find him. “I guess, like Mel Brooks said, ‘If you don’t laugh while you’re writing the thing, the audience isn’t going to laugh,’” Lynch explains. “If you don’t cry or feel it while you’re doing it, it’s probably not going to translate.” Almost 30 years ago, TV viewers followed Lynch through that portal to the red room. Despite the crowded TV landscape “Twin Peaks” helped create, Nevins thinks audiences will take the journey again. “I think he does have enormous self-confidence as an artist — that what resonates with him won’t resonate with everybody but will resonate with enough people that it’s going to make noise in the world,” Nevins says. And if there is silence, that’s fine too. “If nothing happens, it’s still OK,” Lynch says with a smile. “This whole trip has been enjoyable.”

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#Twin Peaks #Kyle MacLachlan #David Lynch #Laura Dern #Variety #Showtime

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