#the whole point of ted moving to london was so that he could see a new side of himself before going back

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Me, who's suspected from the very beginning that Ted would go home to Kansas and therefore never got invested in any ship involving him because I knew it wouldn't happen: sike

[yelena-bellova]

Heartfirst: A Ted Lasso Story - Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve: Hold You Close

Plot: A night out with the Greyhounds, a short-lived stint as head coach and a massive data leak bring on a full week for Y/n.

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: language, alcohol, sexual undertones (nude leak), slut-shaming

A/N: What do you get when you write a football fic with very little knowledge of football? This.

To be honest, this chapter feels more like filler and felt very awkward to write. But even if it’s a tiny step, every chapter moves the story along a little bit. Very much a Keeley and Jamie chapter, so enjoy!

——————

Winning suited Richmond.

A four-game win streak had brightened the halls of Nelson Road Stadium. The whole city was in the best mood it had been since the start of the season. Total Football, though it had taken time, was leading them to victory week after week.

After their fourth straight win, the Greyhounds proclaimed a club night. After months of declining, Y/n finally accepted their invitation to join. Going clubbing was…more than a little out of her comfort zone, but the boys weren’t going to take no for an answer. And truthfully, she wanted to celebrate their good fortune just as much as they did.

Sat in the VIP section of a London nightclub, the Greyhounds shouted to one another over the thumping bass. Colin and Y/n were sat in a corner, Colin entertaining her with a story from training the other day. When their glasses were emptied, they headed to the bar to get a refill.

“Okay, fine,” Y/n gestured to Colin’s bottle, “Gimme.”

Colin handed over his vodka, Y/n poured a bit into her empty glass and threw it back.

She grimaced, letting out a groan.

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” Colin replied.

“No, it is,” Y/n screwed her eyes shut, “It really is.”

Y/n wasn’t buzzed, but she was certainly more relaxed than usual. It felt good to be out, to be amongst people she liked, to laugh. It made all the lingering anxiety in her head fall hush.

Colin was laughing at her alcohol tolerance just as a man who didn’t belong to their party came up to the bar. He stood beside Y/n and flashed an easy smile.

“You weren’t saving this space, were you?”

“No,” Y/n’s voice was strained, coughing from the vodka, “Go for it.”

The man flagged down the bartender, “Something strong, please. But,” he pointed to Y/n, “Not whatever she had.”

Feeling like she could see properly again, Y/n chuckled. “Smart choice.”

“I’m Paul,” the now-named stranger held out his hand.

She shook it, “Y/n.”

Colin stayed silent beside Y/n, smiling and sipping his drink.

“Are you here with friends?” Paul asked in a thick Irish accent.

“Uh, sort of,” Y/n glanced back the corner of the room the Greyhounds occupied, “After-hours work thing.”

“Ah,” Paul nodded and thankfully didn’t follow her gaze, “Don’t know how many people want to spend a Saturday night with their co-workers.”

Y/n shrugged, trying to give as little information as possible. “Bit of an unconventional workplace.”

“Okay, well, now you’ve got to tell me what you do,” Paul said plainly.

“Ha,” Y/n smiled, “If I do, I’ll never get rid of you. Trust me.”

“No, no,” Paul held up both hands, “You tell me, I get my drink, and then I leave with a useless fact about a stranger whose name I’ve already forgotten.”

Y/n laughed again. This particular club didn’t strike her as somewhere you’d meet a genuinely nice guy. It was a surprise, and if nothing else, it was pleasant conversation.

“You’re…” Paul decided to start guessing, “Personal assistant to some 5-star chef.”

“If that were true, I wouldn’t have so many takeaway menus in my kitchen drawers,” Y/n replied, visions of Christmas dinner two months before flashing through her head.

“Ah,” Paul winced, strike one, “You’re…a dancer and you’re out with your company.”

Y/n scoffed, “I’m flattered, but no.”

Paul pressed a finger to his lips, twisting fully to face Y/n. It was the most polite way of checking someone out she’d seen.

He pointed towards her, “You’re-“

“There you are,” Jamie exclaimed, sliding up to Y/n, “Babe, I was looking for ya.”

Y/n’s mouth hung open, ready to reply to Paul but struck speechless by the interruption.

“Told ya, waiter could’ve brought us refills,” Jamie slid an arm around Y/n’s shoulders and tugged her into his side. “Didn’t have to do it yourself,” he finally took his eyes off Y/n and turned to Paul, “Good night, eh, lad?”

With nothing more than two sentences, Jamie had sent a clear message to Paul that his presence was not required, needed or wanted in the slightest.

“Yeah,” Paul nodded in defeat, “Good night. Hope the same for you,” he gave Y/n a thin smile, “Cheers.”

Y/n awkwardly held up a hand, waving him goodbye, before turning to Jamie. “And what was that?”

“Me savin’ ya,” he answered as if it were obvious. His eyes followed Paul across the room till he was satisfied by the distance. “These places are lousy with creeps.”

“But he wasn’t,” Y/n argued, though it wasn’t really an argument. She hadn’t felt one way or the other about Paul. “He was just nice.”

“I can vouch,” Colin made his presence known again, “Saw the whole thing.”

Details mattered very little to Jamie. The truth of it was, he wasn’t even sure why he had stopped the conversation. The moment he’d glanced over at Colin and Y/n’s spot on the couch and seen it was empty, he went on high alert. Colin could fuck off wherever he wanted, but not knowing where Y/n was unsettled him.

And seeing some guy, creep or no creep, chatting Y/n up and making her laugh felt wrong. Very wrong. So wrong.

“‘Course he was nice,” Jamie replied, “The good ones are always nice at first. That’s how they get ya.”

Y/n watched Jamie mansplain men to her, something she thought was impossible to do. Neither of them really realized his arm was still around her, effectively proclaiming to the club that she was off-limits.

“Well, congratulations,” Y/n took the glass Colin handed her, annoyed yet unable to stop from smirking, “You protected me from harmless small talk with the first person I’ve spoken to outside of work since I started with you clowns.”

Jamie could sense the sarcasm, he didn’t particularly care. The threat had been neutralized. He shrugged, “You’re welcome.”

—————————

A few days later, Y/n was sat at her breakfast table. She watched the busy street below out her window. There was a peace to the hustle and bustle of Richmond that differed from the rest of London. Everyone had a destination, but no one was really in a hurry to get there. It was one of the things that she liked most about living in the middle of it all.

A ‘ding’ from her phone redirected her attention. A Google and Twitter alert. There was a good chance it was pap photos coming out from the club’s night out. A bit late, but still possible.

Y/n held her breath as she reached for her phone. There weren’t a lot of flattering angles to have captured them at by the end of the evening. She tapped the screen to see it was…Keeley…who was trending.

“What…” Y/n mumbled, dropping her fork and typing in her passcode to search further.

Not pap photos. Worse. So much worse.

“What…” she breathed.

There’d been a massive leak of private photos and videos, mostly from celebrities. Among them was Keeley. A racy video of the former model from a few years ago was spreading like wildfire across the digital landscape.

“Oh my gosh,” Y/n whispered as she scrolled various reactions and unfortunate screenshots. She threw her phone down when clips began to fill her feed. The whole country was watching it. Talking about it. Laughing at it.

Y/n scarfed down the rest of her eggs, grabbed her keys and hurried out the door.

—————————

Keeley nearly didn’t answer the door. When the insistent banging didn’t stop, she caved and peeled herself off her bedroom floor. She peeked out the window to see one of the only people she felt like speaking to at the moment.

“I just saw,” Y/n blurted out as soon as Keeley opened the door, “I’m so sorry.”

Keeley exhaled, putting her hands over her face, “I don’t know what happened. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know what the fuck-“

“Hey, hey,” Y/n placed her hands on Keeley’s shoulders and guided her inside, “C’mon.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Keeley continued, barely registering that she was moving and that Y/n had shut the front door, “My family’s gonna see it. The team. Our clients!”

“I know,” Y/n replied, sitting them both down on the couch, “But the clients don’t matter right now.”

They did, terribly so, but Y/n wasn’t going to bring that up.

Raking her hands through her hair, Keeley stumbled for words. “I’m so embarrassed. I’m so fucking embarrassed.”

Y/n rubbed a hand over her boss’s arm, “I’m so sorry, Keeley.”

There was no way to fix any part of the awful situation, but Y/n, just by being there, made Keeley feel 1% better. It was better to hurt with someone than to do it alone. Jack had just left and the last thing Keeley wanted to be at the moment was by herself.

“You came all the way here because you saw?” Keeley asked, struck by the sentiment.

“Well,” Y/n shrugged, “Yeah.”

Since Amsterdam, Keeley had seen Y/n’s walls come down, or weaken at least. She hadn’t pushed too hard on the matter, she rather enjoyed the new Y/n. But this, this was entirely out of character.

Keeley threw her arms around her neck, grateful and in need of a hug.

A few months ago, Y/n would have shimmied out as soon as she could. But this wasn’t then, and she tightly wrapped her arms around Keeley, doing what little she could to comfort her.

“This is fucked up,” Y/n sighed.

“So fucked up,” Keeley whimpered, stuck somewhere between a sob and a laugh.

Y/n pulled back, still holding on, “We’re gonna get you through this. I promise.”

Keeley took a shaky breath, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Y/n smiled, “C’mon, KJPR. Dealing with shitty headlines is our superpower.”

Keeley managed a laugh before digging back into Y/n, the two of them locked in a heavyhearted embrace.

—————————

“No, Miss Jones has no comment on the data leak,” Y/n repeated into her phone, shutting down the fifth reporter of the morning, “Have a lovely day.”

Hanging up, she let her forehead hit her desk. It had been a full day since Keeley’s video hit the internet and she could only pray people lost interest and moved on soon. She had made Keeley promise not to answer any calls, instead forwarding the reporters to her. Most of them were men, but all of them were intrusive.

“A dick pic leaks on the internet,” she grumbled and dragged herself out of her chair, “And fuck all, but armies mobilize for a naked woman.”

Y/n grabbed her notebook and left her office, jogging down the staircase to go about her day as normally as she could.

“Hey, Y/n,” Ted called, exiting his office just as she entered the hallway. A vaguely familiar child was walking beside him.

“Hey,” Y/n half-smiled.

“Haven’t gotten a chance to introduce you,” Ted put his hands on the boy’s shoulders, “This is my son, Henry. Henry, this is Y/n.”

Henry smiled up at Y/n, “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Y/n realized she’d seen him in a picture on Ted’s desk, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Hey, listen,” Ted pointed towards the stairs, “I gotta talk to Rebecca, won’t be more than a half hour or so. Would you mind watchin’ Henry?”

“Uh…” Y/n sputtered, “I mean, sure, yeah, but don’t you have training?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ted quickly said, his mind was clearly somewhere else. He felt around his pockets and pulled out a small box. “Yeah, you know what? Y’all are gonna start training for me.”

While Henry’s face lit up, Y/n’s electrified with anxiety.

“Yeah,” Ted grinned, looking to his son, “There you go. You can go back home, tell all your friends you got to coach a football team. How ‘bout that?”

“Yeah,” Henry said with great enthusiasm.

“Uh, Ted,” Y/n waved a hand, “While Henry,” she smiled for his sake, “May be really good at coaching, I’m definitely not qualified.”

Ted waved a supportively dismissive hand back, “Ain’t nothin’ to it. Get ‘em started on warmups, I’ll be down before they really get goin’,” he handed Y/n the box, “Got this for Roy, but he ain’t gonna use it. You go on.”

With Henry looking up at her like she held the key to his happiness, Y/n didn’t have much of a choice.

“Alright,” she exhaled, feigning excitement, “Let’s go coach a football team.”

“Thanks,” Ted kneeled down to Henry, “Listen to what Y/n says, yeah?”

“Will do, Mr. Magoo,” Henry gave his dad a thumbs up.

Y/n’s eyes widened at the phrasing, there were two of them.

“Alright,” Y/n clapped her hands together as Ted left them on their own, “Let me go set this back in my office and we’ll head out, yeah?”

“Okay,” Henry nodded, following Y/n up the stairs, “So what do you do here?”

Y/n sighed, “Well, I help run the social media accounts. I help the boys with their interviews. Y’know how you see football or baseball players on commercials? I help those happen.”

“Wow,” Henry said as they got to Y/n’s office, “That sounds cool.”

Y/n slid her notebook onto her desk, and faced Henry, “Yeah, it kind of is.” Anywhere else, even she would admit her job was boring, but Richmond had changed that. “Let’s see what your dad gave me.”

Opening the tiny box revealed a plastic yellow whistle. Y/n chuckled, Roy definitely wouldn’t be using this.

“So why’d you come to England?” Henry continued to ask questions, “If you’re American.”

Omitting key details, Y/n slid the whistle around her neck. “I came over for school and loved it so much I just never left.”

“Do you ever miss America?” Henry stayed next to Y/n as they descended the stairs.

That was trickier to disguise. If Y/n was honest, she didn’t miss her home country. It was hard to miss the place all her worst memories had occurred. England had been a refuge before becoming her true home.

“Sometimes,” Y/n replied, guiding Henry down the hall, “I have a little sister who still lives there. I miss her all the time…” she smiled, “And Arby’s.”

Henry agreed just as they reached the doors that would take them outside.

“Alright,” Y/n pressed her hands to the door, “Now these guys are the best in the whole country, in my opinion, so we can’t go easy on them.”

“Got it,” Henry nodded.

“We’re gonna have to work them really hard,” Y/n added.

“I agree.”

Y/n narrowed her eyes, “You ready?”

Henry grinned, “Ready.”

Theatrically, Y/n threw the doors open and they marched down the tunnel.

The boys were stretching and conversing and had yet to notice their coaches were missing. Y/n and Henry headed over to the dugout, Y/n thanking her morning self for deciding on wearing sneakers.

“Do you have a favorite player?” She asked.

“Jamie Tartt,” Henry answered without hesitation, “The first time I visited, he signed my shirt.”

Y/n’s heart fluttered with warmth, “That was nice of him.”

“On my soccer team back home, I’m #9,” Henry continued, “Just like him.”

Y/n’s eyes scanned the group of Greyhounds, finding #9 laughing about something with Isaac. There were probably hundreds, thousands of kids who looked up to Jamie Tartt, but Henry’s admiration was something special.

“Well,” Y/n crossed her arms, “We’ll make sure Jamie has plenty to do.”

Clapping her hands to get the Greyhounds’ attention, Y/n and Henry stepped onto the pitch. “Alright, boys, here’s the deal. Coach has appointed me and Henry here,” she put her hands on Henry’s shoulders, “As your new coaches for the next thirty minutes.”

The team was understandably confused but amused once they saw Henry’s bright eyes. Training was to double as babysitting.

“Now, you’re dealing with one of America’s next top footballers,” Y/n jiggled Henry playfully, “And a woman whose life you all have made incredibly colorful, particularly last weekend…” she gave a thick grin. After their celebration at the club, many of the Greyhounds had needed to be poured into cabs. The task fell to the most sober of them, and Y/n had taken little joy in wrangling them into the backseats. “No one’s going easy on anyone today.”

The boys ‘oohed’ and laughed amongst themselves.

“Alright,” she shouted, “One lap,” Y/n gave a sharp blow on the whistle, “Let’s go!”

All credit to them, the team obeyed orders and set off around the edge of the pitch.

As he passed by, Jamie stopped to give Henry a fist bump.

“How ya been, lad?”

“Good,” Henry grinned, his spirits had lifted even higher the moment Jamie walked in his direction.

“Good,” Jamie stood to his full height to face Y/n, smirking, “Don’t get enough of this with Roy?”

With mere inches between their faces, Y/n blew the whistle smugly, “Fallin’ behind there, Tartt.”

Jamie set off with a smile and ran to catch up to his teammates. Y/n being on the pitch was a surprising, but welcome start to his day.

The boys were about halfway around the pitch when Y/n and Henry started forming their game plan.

“What should we have them do next?”

Henry thought a moment, “What about knee kicks? That’s my favorite exercise.”

“I like it,” Y/n walked across the grass to retrieve one of the balls, “But you better be ready to show them how it’s done.”

Henry’s entire face lit up, the glow radiating onto Y/n’s knowing she’d made it happen. She was going to make sure he went home with the best stories.

The Greyhounds came around the bend, well and warmed up.

“What next, Coach Y/n?” Dani asked enthusiastically.

“Now,” Y/n set the ball on the grass and kicked it to Henry, “You’re in the hands of Coach Lasso.”

Y/n stepped to the side to give Henry the spotlight. The boys all cheered him on as he came to join them, holding the ball under his arm.

“We’re gonna do a knee kick contest,” he said proudly, “We’ll see who can go the longest, and,” Henry scanned the group, “Jamie’ll go first.”

Jamie pressed his fingers to his puffed out chest, stepping forward, “I’m honored.”

Henry tossed him the ball, Jamie easily caught it. Y/n popped the whistle back in her mouth and it shrieked.

“Begin!”

Jamie bounced the ball from knee to knee, the team forming a ring around him to watch. They started cheering each time Jamie’s body made contact, Henry the loudest of them all. He kept it going about thirty seconds before losing it.

Y/n spared him a clap, purposefully holding back, “Not bad.”

Jamie frowned at her, the tips of his lips still curling up.

“Who’s next, Henry?” Y/n asked.

“Sam,” he answered.

Jamie launched the ball at his teammate, Sam caught it and they switched spots.

He lasted the same amount of time as Jamie, Isaac lasted twenty five seconds, Dani lasted forty, Colin lasted twenty eight.

“Alright,” Y/n clapped as Bumbercatch finished his turn, “I think it’s time you boys learned from a true professional.”

Henry stepped up, taking Y/n’s smile as his cue, and caught the ball from Bumbercatch. The boys chanted his name, surrounding him in gleeful anticipation.

Henry began to kick, feeding off the support of the Greyhounds. Y/n stepped back a few feet and pulled out her phone, snapping a few pictures for Ted.

Out of all the Premier League teams filled with cocky young men earning million dollar paychecks, Y/n couldn’t imagine there were many who would behave like the Greyhounds. They were jumping up and down, cheering and counting for Henry as he bounced the ball. It was all so genuine, and they didn’t even realize the extent of what they were doing. They were giving Henry memories he’d cherish forever.

Eventually, Henry kicked the ball for Sam to catch and the boys went wild. Jamie leaped into the air and started victoriously running with Henry, the rest of them following.

Y/n hit the whistle, “Well, I think we can all agree Henry’s the winner.”

The team agreed quite vocally.

“You haven’t gone yet,” Henry called.

“Oh,” Y/n shook her head, “I-“

“No, no, no,” Colin pointed to Y/n, “Boyo’s right. Everyone’s gotta give it a go.”

“That’s right,” Jamie clasped his hands together, “Fair’s fair, Coach.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, stepping onto the pitch to supportive hoots and hollers. Sam threw her the ball and she got into position, taking a deep breath. She’d never touched a football in her life.

Dropping the ball, she clumsily passed from one knee to the other. Henry and the Greyhounds cheered her on as they had each other. She lasted about ten seconds before she felt herself losing it and kicked it across the field. It didn’t make it to the goal, but even Y/n was impressed by how far it travelled.

The Greyhounds went wild, making a massive deal of her minimal accomplishment. A few of them punched her in the arm or high fived her.

“Alright,” Y/n laughed it off, “Henry, what’s next?”

“Corner kicks,” he said decisively, “Last one to grab the ball’s a rotten egg. Go!”

Henry took off before he’d finished speaking, the Greyhounds following. They spent the next ten minutes practicing corner kicks, once again, Henry and the boys insisting that Y/n took part. Pulling closer to the net than the pros, she was able to score a goal, resulting in wild cheers. Dani picked her up and spun her around and Jamie slung an arm around her neck the seconds she was back on the ground. When Henry scored, the Greyhounds lifted him up on their shoulders and ran him around the field.

When Ted gathered himself and headed back out to the pitch, he stopped short at the sight before him. His son, having the time of his life, surrounded by the team. And Y/n, facilitating it all, but enjoying every bit of it herself.

Ted smiled, deciding to watch as long as he could until someone spotted him.

—————————

Later in the day, Y/n drove to the KJPR offices. She hadn’t heard anything from Keeley and wanted to stay as close as she could to help in whatever way she could.

Y/n knocked at Keeley’s door and entered, “Hi.”

Keeley was sat at her desk, pouring over something on her laptop. Most likely, it had nothing to do with business. “Hi,” she mumbled.

“Looking at Twitter isn’t going to help anything,” Y/n sighed, entering the room.

Keeley didn’t look up from her screen, “It’s Facebook.”

Y/n scoffed, “That definitely won’t help anything.”

Keeley tore her eyes away, closing out the browser and turning to Y/n. “How bad’s it been?”

“Oh, Daily Mail were eager to talk,” Y/n fell into the chair opposite her boss, “Didn’t think that was the best avenue to go.”

Barely breathing a chuckle, Keeley ran her hands through her hair.

“I’m not letting anyone get close to you,” Y/n reassured, “And the good news is, the press’ll move on within a few days.”

Keeley glanced up with doubtful eyes.

Y/n regretted the words as soon as she’d said them, “Albeit, they’ll run with this all week. But still,” she reached over and held out her hand, “We’re gonna get through this.”

Keeley exhaled and took Y/n’s hand, squeezing like she was her lifeline.

A knock hit the door and they turned to see Barbara. Keeley did her best to appear as if all was well.

“Is now a good time, Ms. Jones?” Barbara asked, sparing Y/n a polite smile.

“Yes, of course,” Keeley answered perkily, “Yeah.”

Barbara came to stand beside Y/n’s chair, holding a single sheet of paper. “I’m sorry about what happened.”

Keeley looked like she was on the verge of tears, “Thank you, Barbara.”

“Um,” Barbara turned to Y/n, “Does someone have the press-“

Y/n held up a hand, “Got it covered.”

“Good,” she nodded, turning back to Keeley and handing her the sheet, “Jack asked me to give you this.”

“What is it?” Keeley asked.

“It’s a statement,” Barbara replied.

Keeley scanned the text before reading it aloud, “”Allow me to first offer my sincerest apologies,” her brows popped up, “”I deeply regret that video that some of you have seen online. I’m beyond embarrassed, and I never should have made this video in the first place.”

Y/n’s lips parted, even Barbara averted her gaze.

“‘I hope you can forgive me while I learn and grow,’” Keeley finished, looking up to Barbara confusedly.

“Jack thought you could post it across your socials,” Barbara said, “But maybe not Facebook, ‘cause that’s just for grandparents and racists now, isn’t it?”

In her despair, Keeley managed to give a gentle smile and Barbara didn’t miss it as her cue to excuse herself.

Y/n sat still at the desk, her mind flooding with rage. If she didn’t know better, she’d think that the “statement” had been written by a man. How could private property leak and somehow it could be turned around to be the victim’s fault? Worse, how could Jack be alright with it?

“Do you think,” Keeley stared at the letter, “I should put it out?”

In answering, Y/n wasn’t just giving business advice, she was wading into Jack and Keeley’s relationship, something that was entirely off limits. Clubbing with the boys was one thing, relationship talk was way too personal.

“I…” Y/n struggled, “I really don’t think it’s-“

“Please,” Keeley’s eyes snapped up to Y/n, “Don’t do that. I need your honest opinion,” she took a breath, “Do you think this is the right thing to do?”

Y/n had never seen Keeley be so firm, nor had anyone ever called her out on her hesitation. It was a snap back to the reality of the situation.

“Absolutely not,” she answered, speaking with total confidence, “This isn’t a statement, it’s shaming. You dare to do what most of these corporate fuckers do with their mistresses with someone you love, someones steals it from you, and it’s somehow your fault?” Y/n grimaced with rage, “You have nothing to apologize for. You’re the one who got screwed over, you’re the one who’s owed an apology. It is not the other way around.”

Y/n paused, trying to collect herself. “Keeley…please don’t put this out. For all women who have ever had something like this happen, just…please.”

Keeley nodded, as if it only confirmed what she was already thinking.

“Look, you and Jack are…you and Jack and you need to talk about this, but,” Y/n sighed, taking Keeley’s hand once more, “Don’t do it.”

The two of them sat in silence, Keeley eventually folding up the paper and rising from her seat.

“Is Rebecca in today?”

“Yeah,” Y/n answered, “Probably expecting you.”

Keeley nodded as she grabbed her purse, “Tea?”

Y/n frowned as she gathered her purse, “I can’t. Ted’s got a presser.”

The women exited the office together, riding the elevator down without a single word spoken. When they reached the parking lot, they went their separate ways.

“Keeley,” Y/n called once she’d reached her car, “Do I need to…talk to Roy or anything? Make sure he doesn’t speak to the press?”

“No,” Keeley paused her keys in their slot. It was an uncomfortable topic, but PR didn’t care about comfort. “Not, uh…no, not Roy.”

Y/n waited to see if there was more to the answer. At least she was spared a deeply awkward conversation with Roy. The extent of their relationship was a mutual love of yelling at Jamie. She just prayed whichever ex of Keeley’s the video was meant for kept their mouth shut.

“Okay,” she decided not to push, “Hey,” she drew Keeley’s attention one last time, trying to keep her smile, “We’ve got this.”

Keeley gave a watery one back. If she didn’t have Jack’s support, she knew she had someone’s. “Yeah.”

—————————

It wasn’t often that there was so much work it warranted coming in on a Saturday. But a resort chain wanted Dani to do an endorsement for them and the only time their PR department could speak was the weekend. Plus, damage control for Keeley had taken up the lions share of Y/n’s week.

She was sat at her desk, returning an email and waiting for the phone to ring. It was kind of nice having the place to herself, but strange for Nelson Road to be completely silent. Usually from her office, Y/n could hear the sound of the boys conversing loudly down the stairs or Ted’s whistle on the pitch.

Her cell dinged, louder because of the quiet. Y/n picked it up to see it was a text from Jamie.

What you up to?

Y/n snapped a quick picture of her desk and fired it off.

Waiting for the call proved to be tedious as the man she was supposed to speak to was late. She began to scroll social media, her phone having alerted her to the fact that Ted was trending. She found that he and Beard had taken Henry to a West Ham match. A photo of the three of them was flooding the football community.

Where she might have resented Ted months ago, or anguished over the clean up she’d have to do, Y/n couldn’t help but laugh. There was a story to be told and she was sure she’d hear it on Monday. It also didn’t escape her that Beard had made a point of coming in full AFC Richmond attire.

“Damn right,” she said to herself.

Knock knock.

“Fucking hell,” Y/n exclaimed, her chair rolling back a few inches.

Jamie grinned, “Sorry.”

“No, no,” Y/n held her hand to her chest, “My heart needed to be reset.”

“What’re you doin’ here?” Jamie asked, shoving into the office.

“Dani’s got a deal with a resort,” she answered, rolling back to her desk, “This was the only day they could talk.”

Jamie nodded, wandering around the room. For all the time they spent together, he never had much of a reason to be in Y/n’s office.

Y/n got a good look at Jamie’s outfit, “And…what are we wearing?”

Jamie turned on his heel, looking down at himself. He saw nothing controversial about the vest, hoodie and joggers combo. “Fashion,” he answered, gesturing down his body.

“Right,” Y/n replied as she checked her inbox. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to his particular taste in clothing. “Where’ve you been today?”

“Eh, stopped by Keeley’s,” he answered, coming to sit down across the desk, “See how she was doin’.”

“Oh,” Y/n replied, glancing back at her computer before two loose pieces in her mind connected and stilled her. Why did Jamie have any reason to check in on Keeley if not…?

“How, uh,” Y/n stuttered, “How’s she doing?” She hadn’t spoken to Keeley yet, unsure as to how she’d handled the conversation with Jack.

Jamie shrugged, “She’s alright. I, eh…” he scratched the back of his neck, “Yeah, she’s okay.”

Y/n looked up and smiled, suddenly feeling like she was intruding on something deeply personal. “Good.”

By now, Jamie was a pro at reading her expressions. If not the intricacies, the general vibe. He pointed a finger, “What’s that face?”

“What face?” Y/n asked.

“That face,” Jamie moved a little closer in his chair, “Everything’s fine but it’s not, you make that face.”

Y/n attempted to shrug it off, wanting to shrug out of the entire situation. “Jamie, I’m fine. I’m glad Keeley’s okay, glad you went to check on her.”

Jamie watched carefully, trying to decode the layers of what she was saying and, more importantly, not saying. He retracted his finger into his fist when he guessed.

“Oh.”

Y/n’s eyes darted up from her laptop screen and back down.

“How’d you not know that?”

“Know what?”

A single laugh and Jamie smiled, “You’re a lot of things, but you ain’t dumb.”

Y/n grimaced, wishing she could disappear into thin air. Moments like these made her miss her boundaries. Isolated as they kept her, they had merit.

“I didn’t know you two…” she awkwardly pursed her lips and stared down at her keyboard.

“All that research,” Jamie smiled at her awkwardness, “Didn’t look into that bit?”

“It’s not my job to know who’s sleeping with who,” Y/n replied quickly, hating how she’d phrased that.

Jamie hummed, “Kinda is.”

Public relations did involve handling all types of headlines. Personal and otherwise.

“Well, you didn’t tell me either,” Y/n retorted.

“I thought you knew,” Jamie enunciated with a laugh.

Y/n couldn’t place what changed, but knowing that her boss and the person who was effectively her closest friend had dated made her feel…uneasy. Knowing such an intimate video had been made for someone she knew, she felt like she’d seen some side of Keeley and Jamie not meant for her to ever know about.

“Right,” Y/n spread her hands over her desk, “Are there any more relationships, past, present or potential, in this club that I need to know about?”

Jamie thought a moment, deciding to exclude any and all locker room talk he’d been present for regarding Y/n. It had started the second she’d walked through the door, dying down and picking back up every once in a while.

“You’re safe,” Jamie replied, finding her discomfort cute.

Any further conversation was blissfully halted as Y/n’s desk phone rang. Finally. She moved to pick it up but was met with Jamie’s hand fending her off.

“Jamie, what-“

Jamie shushed her, nudging her hand away. He lifted the phone off its base and flopped back into his chair.

“Ms. Y/l/n’s office,” he greeted, his Mancunian accent disappearing to turn posh and nasally, “How may I help you?”

Y/n covered her mouth to silence her snort. She waved for the phone with her free hand.

“And she knows why you’re calling?” Jamie continued, sliding away from Y/n’s grasp. “Hold, please.”

He covered the microphone with his palm and smiled. Y/n’s annoyance was a poor mask over her joy.

“It’s for you,” he whispered.

Y/n shook her head and yanked the phone out of his grip. “Hey, Oscar,” she greeted, ���Glad we could finally touch base.”

Jamie fell back in his seat, content to wait and watch her take the call. He was happy to stay and bother her as long as he could.

And Y/n would let him, without hesitation.

———————

Heartfirst Taglist: @lalla-04p @optimisticsandwichgladiator @makingmunson94 @taytaylala12 @storysimp @sokkigarden @lightninginab0ttle @poohkie90 @alipap3 @verra-nerevarine @shineforever19 @spaceagechimera @burnafter-reading @qardasngan @cyberpvnk-enthusiast @sogoodtoheritsvicious @buckybarnex @angelsunflxwer @blueanfield @thewildestwonderland @sablecities @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo @strawberryacethingz @mentalistfan @tortilla-maria1 @katdahlali @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @glitterquadricorn @jamieolivia27 @imvibin69 @katlizada @lil-tracys @fanaticalfantasist @heyitz-julia @cactajuice @peachyy-tea @notalxx @rockchickrebel @anxiety-prime-max @mentalistfan @loveforaugust @jellycolors @actuallybarb @heletsmelovehim @lovinnscarletknight @imfalling-inlove @leslieiscrying @meg-ro @littlemisssunshine192 @beboldbebravethings @maydayfigment @spencerreidsbookclub @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @lemoonandlestars @im-a-weirdo-for-life @mindless-rock (tags cont. in comments ❤️)

[time-is-restored]

ted lasso 3x11

got through the latest episode tonight, below are unassorted ramblings abt a kansas ending (which i, despite being almost certain is where the show is heading, am still ardently rooting against):

so i was talking a little with my family abt the extremely likely kansas ending*, and was mentioning how much i really don't vibe with it. i said smth like 'i mean, what's even there for him in kansas?' to which they said (fairly, and rightfully!) 'his son!'. like, that's a pretty bulletproof argument, so i guess im just writing this to figure out why i feel like even that isn't. idk. enough?

[*though if that is the ending, what's the point of the cliffhanger? it's the most obvious + expected outcome, how would it be a 'reveal'? idk, some part of me is still praying for one of those classic Twists™ ig]

like. we've known that ted has a kid since day one. we've known that he loves + misses that kid since day one. according to the text, the number one reason ted left kansas was as a last ditch effort to save his marriage, by giving michelle as much space as humanly possible. they were divorced by the middle of the season, and ted chose to stay at the end.

so like. idk. am i missing something? did he just stay bc he felt an obligation to the team? and now that they're doing well (absurdly, breaking the bounds of belief well), he feels okay moving on? like many ppl have already pointed out, that's a pretty standard plot line in these kind of stories: the mary poppin's style exit stage right. but, say ted goes home (potentially even without beard???? agh??). what's happened to him, these past few seasons? what's different now?

like, it kind of feels like im only gonna be hurt by reading in between the lines here, but kansas doesn't seem to hold a lot of good associations for ted w/o the bedrock of his + michelle's marriage. he's reduced to a morose, spaced out mess within 5 minutes of talking with his mother, he very nearly goes through the Extremely fucked up move of paying someone to spy on michelle after seeing her + jake together for an afternoon, and ofc if anything even remotely reminds him of his dad he gets triggered really badly.

and of course, maybe the idea is 'well, he's started to cope with that all now, and he's starting to talk openly with his mum + grieve his dad, so he has the tools to return' but like. does he???? his support system are EXTREMELY london based. setting aside sharon since he could always telehealth w her, all of the positive progress he's made in his 'home' life seem to exclusively come after he talks w his support group at richmond.

he ended up admitting he was mad at michelle after speaking with the diamond dogs, he was pulled out of his obsessive spiral by rebecca, and he was able to put words to his feelings abt his mum by talking w jamie. to be clear, those are all massively positive things for ted to have done, and i think they at least make a good case for ted progressive positively w his mental health (even if its all gotten a bit tell don't show in this last season). but like. what happens when all that's on the other side of an ocean?

to be clear, from the perspective of real life, it absolutely makes sense that ted would want to return to his son. but on a narrative level, im just. i feel like im being expected to take certain things about ted + henry's relationship for granted, when the text itself hasn't even tried to make those things apparent.

is henry miserable or even generally upset when he has to leave his dad/go back to his mum? not that we ever see! im pretty sure the only time we've seen henry explicitly upset is when ted was ignoring him while he was like five feet away which, yeah, mood! and last we saw, henry even sees more enthused abt richmond winning the whole thing than ted is, so its not like he thinks his dad is just going away to do absolutely nothing of import.

do ted and henry not spend a lot of time together/talk very often? technically we don't see enough of ted's daily routine to know for sure, but the casual mention of playing roblox seems to imply they spend a lot of time together! and ofc none of their phone calls ever have the vibe of 'i haven't spoken to you in ages, here's ALL THE THINGS you've missed!'. they're almost all abt stuff that happened that day.

is ted struggling with being away from henry? well... yes, duh, but i don't even think this season's done particularly well establishing THAT (incredibly obvious and free) piece of ted characterisation.

is ted capable of feeling anything other than vague nostalgia (ie: all of his annecdotes being set there) or extreme distress wrt kansas? apparently not! like, seriously, what is there for him? does he have any friends? a job? family that isn't his mother? where's he gonna live? does he miss the weather? his neighbours? like i am literally on my hands and knees give me ONE (1) concrete opinion ted has about the fucking place that isn't about its FOOD (<- ESPECIALLY coming off the back of an episode where ted was able to experience texan food So Authentic™ that it inspired a literal career-changing epiphany?? like HOW are we supposed to take that as anything other than 'ted is at his best when he acknowledges BOTH of his lives rather than cutting one out in favour of the other'???).

idk. i guess my real problem this late in the game is i can see so many POTENTIAL versions of this show, but what ive been given doesn't feel like it matches up with any of them.

i can imagine a story in which ted's avoidance + variations upon running-away tactics for dealing w conflict get thoroughly deconstructed and challenged while in london, so at the end of the show he's finally emotionally prepared to return to his life in kansas even though it's never going to be a fairytale picturesque no-problems-ever ending again.

i can imagine a story in which going back to kansas isn't good for ted, and will be a major sacrifice, but it's a sacrifice he will be making with the support of his new friends + family, and something that he is determined to make in order to be there w his son, all meaningfully juxtaposed w how he feels his dad 'quit' on him.

i can imagine a story where ultimately, the life that ted's made alongside richmond is just as important to him as his life in kansas, and so he + michelle work out a more equal and long-term custody arangement* with henry (it definitely seems like the 'you get him for the whole year and i get him on school break' was something haphazardly worked out while they were both still under the assumption he'd be in richmond for less than a year), and they alternate who goes to whose home for holidays and shit.

[*side note, why hasn't that come up at all? i'd personally think somewhere around the six month mark of working overseas i'd want to have a talk w my expartner + kid about a schedule that isn't so much of a 80/20 split? like, it's fine if henry moving isn't on the table at all for one reason or another, but at least take the time to actually SAY that??? like, what does michelle do for a living? why is SHE so happy to stay there? give me Literally Anything here gang!!!]

...but ultimately what ive actually seen on screen feels like it fits into none of those categories. eleven hours (in as many episodes!! HOUR! long! episodes!!!!!!) in and i feel like i know infinitely less about ted + his mental state than i did in s1. like, from episode to episode, the writer's aren't sure if he's stuck, or progressing, or going through that classic recovery 'one step forwards, two steps back' dance, or just completely and utterly depressed. there's no continuity. nothing that happens to him in one episode seems to have literally any bearing at all on the ted in the next episode. if u scrubbed all of the notable Ted Scenes™ of any overarching plot references, and shuffled them all up, i genuinely think you would end up w a plateau of scenes totally indistinguishable from each other!*

[*of course, this is my main critique of s3 for like. literally everyone, but it's paticularly damning when im left feeling this lost about the main fucking guy.]

i don't know. i guess after the past few weeks of being really genuinely hurt + angry + upset abt the choices made this season, the feeling im left with near the end of it all is. underwhelmed. and im really not sure what 3x12 could possibly do to change that feeling... even if i am still regrettably, but sincerely rooting for a last minute switcheroo.

[pupkinpumpkin]

Ted Lasso Finale Spoilers!

Alright! In honor of the beginning of Pride Month and Ted Lasso ending, you're getting a rant that I just screamed inside my house! Yay! And also a drawing, but that doesn't really matter

Ok so people are very concerned about Ted getting back together with Michelle at the end of the series, basically erasing the progress they both have made, which is a fair point but also a bit paranoid unless I missed a ring in that ending sequence or something.

So when Michelle visits Ted after getting with Unethical Unmoral Jacob, you can tell she enjoys talking to Ted and banters with him a bit, which some people have taken as evidence of them eventually getting back together, but here's the thing. Michelle, among other reasons, divorced Ted because he was constantly positive, which is justifiably exhausting, but now that they're only seeing each other in bits and pieces, of course Ted and Michelle will get along well! She's not around him constantly so she isn't fatigued by his positivity, plus he's been working on himself with a NOT HORRIBLE AND DISGUSTING therapist (this makes it seem like I am mad at Michelle for choosing Jacob, but I just really really hate Jacob, he's the one who should know this is an unethical relationship, but that's a whole other rant).

Ya know when Trent said that after he came out to his ex wife, they are now good friends? I believe the same logic applies here. Ted moves back to Kansas and doesn't get back together with Michelle, but instead becomes friends based off their incredible understanding of each other and love for their son where Michelle isn't surrounded by his upbeat attitude constantly and they can help each other grow as people WITHOUT JACOB. I still believe wholeheartedly that Michelle no longer has any romantic feelings for Ted, but gained a platonic love for him once they separated.

So, I'm like 90% sure that whole showing everyone's ending scenes is a dream sequence? Why? Because Ted isn't Beard's best man at the wedding, he's not even in it at all. Do you REALLY THINK BEARD ISN'T GONNA HAVE THE MAN WHO SHOWED HIM FORGIVENESS AND LOVE AFTER HE STOLE HIS CAR ISN'T SHOWING UP TO HIS WEDDING? Plus I really don't like Jane and Beard together unless they get some serious relationship counseling and Beard has said before he doesn't really want marriage.

So, I may be entirely wrong and maybe the creators wanted Michelle and Ted to get back together, but it makes sense that Michelle and Ted become close friends after he moves, co-parenting Henry, and who knows! Maybe Ted goes "Hey Michelle I'm bisexual!" And Michelle makes it her life's mission to set him up with someone or Ted visits London and Trent asks if he wants to go out for a drink to which Ted responds

"If you're talking about tea or sparkling water, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say no thank you, but if it's anything else, I'll be happy to take you up on that offer"

and then they get together and Trent moves to Kansas or Ted does Rebecca's plan of moving everyone to London! And then Keeley and Roy and Jamie get together and become best friends with Dani and his girlfriends who are also in a polyamorous relationship and Colin and Michael can live together in peace and everyone lives a queer happily ever after! You never know! It could happen!

Basically, if we count the ending scenes as a dream sequence, we have a lot to theorize on and make some great fanfiction about, but overall, I don't think Ted and Michelle will get back together but I do believe they'll become wonderful friends who support each other.

Anyway, here's a drawing of Ted and Trent (separately, I have trouble drawing Trent's hair so I couldn't do his head leaning on Ted's shoulder like I wanted) I tried to do

Happy Pride Month!!

[baldpeoplehater]

ok so its 2 am. i am tired, i am incoherent and i have a lot to say.

first of all, before the final 10ish minutes i was actually pretty ok with the ending! i was so happy to see that most of the stories were wrapped up really nicely and were headed for a good place. but as soon as ted boarded that airplane. oh god.

although i never really shipped tedbecca before season 3, to me it kinda of seemed like they were ending up together? and i wasn’t mad about it. i actually got pretty invested in it after the whole matchbox/soldier thing. and it really sucks that they build all that up for nothing! all the signs with the psychic (“oh but they could have been for the dutch guy” yes! why not just leave them for scenes with him then?), the multiple ted/rebecca fakeouts (the whole bantr thing and the beginning of the finale episode), the AIRPORT SCENE? SERIOUSLY? and the worst part about it is that by building all this up but not having them end up together, rebecca’s ending felt unfinished and rushed (we barely got to know the guy and even though is “meant to be” or whatever they interacted once. come on), and (for me personally) it seemed that the show implied ted going back to michelle, which makes no sense at all. there was no need for tedbecca to be endgame, but both of their characters deserved better.

the whole roy/keeley/jamie debacle. (i think i just get throuple baited by ted lasso) seriously, i’m ALL for keeley ending up alone since she’s been in relationships basically the whole show. but why make her go back to roy when he apologized????? if they made up, as friends, there wouldn’t be A SINGLE storyline that would have to be changed. they still could’ve gone after jamie. the fight between jamie and roy could still be a catalyst for her to realize that she doesn’t want to be with either of them for now. it was completely unnecessary for them to sleep together.

why. on. earth. would you, for three entire seasons, disapprove of a relationship, show us how toxic it is, and then have them marry each other. seriously. of all the couples, beard and jane ended up together? dude. come on.

ok. let’s ignore the whole beard and jane thing being toxic and just assume they’re good now and she’s improved (her shredding his passport so he couldn’t leave was barely a figment of my imagination). although i dislike ted and beard being apart, i do understand that people move on and even the closest of friends sometimes have to grow apart. but why couldn’t they show us ted at beard’s wedding? he clearly was ok with beard staying for jane. there was no bad blood and even with him going back to kansas, i really doubt he would miss his best friend’s wedding.

and finally, i hate that ted went back to kansas. i can’t really logic myself out of this one, like i did with my other complaints because the reason why he went is really simple: for his son. and it’s the right thing to do. must be really hard parenting from another country and i’m absolutely sure that henry missed him a lot. but michelle could’ve gone to london with him, specially after it being implied that dr. jacob was out of the picture. it just makes me really sad that ted had to go back while everyone else moved forward.

ok! now the positive points because im not a complete bitch.

love to see rupert get absolutely shitted on. the wanker scene? poetic cinema.

i’m really happy that rebecca didn’t sell the club and that she realized that, although it wasn’t what she imagined would happen at first, they were her family now. also loved the juxtaposition of her giving 49% of shares to the fans against edwin akufo’s idea of a super league or whatever the fuck

COLIN GOT TO KISS HIS FELLA. THATS ALL I WANTED I LITERALLY CRIED

the ted/nate scenes really moved me. even though nate’s arc was kinda rushed, i was still happy to see him thriving at the end and going back to being the sympathetic character he was at the beginning of the show. him saying i’m sorry, crying on ted’s shoulder, coming back as assistant kitman instead of coach, it all showed that he changed. i’m also really glad that richmond won with his false nine after all.

MY BABY SAM GOT TO BE IN NIGERIAS TEAM IM SO EXCITED FOR HIM I DONT EVEN CARE IF IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE JUST LET HIM PLAY OK

the goodbye song from the boys and their reaction when ted says he liked it. priceless. (bonus points for trent joining in)

trent’s book being successful

willis

anyways. it was a hell of a ride. i don’t think we’re getting a season 4, but if we do i’ll be back on my bullshit. believe guys :)

[ceruleanwhore]

Okay so first off this is incredibly high praise and I am just a puddle right now like omg thank you so much!!! As for everything else, there is so much I want to say because you bring in so many excellent points and have such great thoughts here.

I think I want to start with the point about found family, because what you pointed out there is so accurate. To me, the fact that they had the team perform “So Long, Farewell” for Ted directly shows that the creators were well aware of the found family dynamic, because that song in The Sound Of Music is sung by the kids for their dad. Those boys were his kids and it gives me the ick so bad that they ended with him basically doing the “dad went to get milk and never came back” move with his kids in order to return to his “real” family. It shows that they know damn well what was set up there and they are actively undervaluing the found family. London became Ted’s real home and the community he became a part of was truly his family and so, genuinely, the only way they could have ended this so it all worked out properly in keeping with their own themes and what they’ve set up would be to have Michelle leave Jake and bring Henry to go live in London. To do anything else, especially what they did, is to grossly misunderstand and mishandle their own characters and the relationships between them.

Next, I want to touch on the boss/employee dynamic with Jack and Keeley as well as the Rebecca ships because you’re so right and it just doesn’t get talked about enough. If you switched the genders so Rebecca was an older man getting paired with a 20 year old girl, then people would have a million and one things to say about it, both in the actual show and in discourse around it. However, the show presents it as like “you go girlboss!” and the other characters praise and encourage Rebecca for pursuing what is truly a predatory relationship that should’ve been acknowledged as grooming or something. As for Ted and Rebecca, given that there is no way they could have ended up in a romantic relationship together without him also staying on at his job working under her, I don’t see any way for them to have a good, solid, healthy relationship. What I like about the Dutch guy is that he’s a good, wholesome man who suits her well and whatever relationship he may have with Rebecca won’t have these issues.

Other than that, I love everything you said about Ted and Trent and I agree 100%. I believe they needed to do an infinite better job of calling back to earlier episodes as well as doing far better at following up with their movie references. The way they brought up Sleepless in Seattle, for example, was framed in such a way that it felt like it was going to come up in some way, but it didn’t, and that could’ve gone well with what you’ve proposed of having a better callback to s1 e3. I kept waiting for a part where he’d talk to Henry about how he was about to leave to move back to KS where Henry would then be like wtf are you on about, I want you to stay there and I want to come to you, like obviously you belong there with all those nice people around you. Having that sort of disagreement where the father is like “I’m doing this because it’s what you want” and the kid is like “no no no, I want this” would’ve been a perfect way to call back to that movie, but instead they did nothing. They also had multiple references to Julie Andrews and The Sound Of Music and yet they just did the musical number without any real understanding or meaning behind it.

And then I think the last thing I’ll say is that you are so right about Dr. Sharon omg because Ted having a long ass session with her and talking all this out could have saved the whole damn thing. I mean, why tf would you literally come out and say that Ted’s biggest issue is doing absolutely anything and everything for everyone else and never really considering his own wants and needs if you’re just going to end the series by having him give up a home and a family he loves just because it’s what other people want? His character arc needed to have ended with letting go of that unhealthy behavior and learning to prioritize his own needs and even just do that through compromise, not necessarily sacrifice on anyone’s end, and showcasing that by not leaving.

What I think the biggest issue is is Jason Sudeikis himself, actually. Someone else pointed out that this series is kind of autobiographical for him and I think his problem was that Ted’s character was too much of a projection of himself and his own shit got in the way of writing a good character because, instead, he was writing himself. This ending really does only make sense to me if it is the way it is because a guy projected too hard and couldn’t imagine a happy ending for himself.

But yeah, thank you soooo much for your response and all your amazing thoughts!

In my soul, I feel disgusted and betrayed by this finale and I am shocked that the same writers who were able to give us such a truly wonderful show somehow came up with such a terrible ending for it. This episode directly opposes the very nature of the show more than any other episode in such a way that then calls into question the rest of the series. This episode feels every bit as hollow and sad as Ted himself seems to be throughout the finale and makes me wonder if we ever were actually supposed to believe and to hope at all in the first place, even though I thought that was the point of the series. 

The first of many issues I have with the episode is how they handled Rupert. The whole show is about belief, but specifically believing in others’ capacity for good and ability to change for the better. It’s about believing in redemption and reconciliation, which they actually could have done for Rupert even this late in the show. The scene in episode 10 where we get a glimpse of the inner child that’s still tucked away somewhere inside him showed us that even he still had this potential, up until they did what they did for the finale. While I, personally, tend to be more like Sassy was in that scene — gleefully cheering for the downfall of an odious scoundrel — it felt completely wrong for this show in particular to include that kind of public humiliation, which we the audience are all supposed to be cheering for, and in the middle of Ted’s last game ever with Richmond.

Where we actually could have used a side bit about a scoundrel getting his comeuppance is with Ted’s ex wife and their ex therapist. I think it’s absolutely terrible that they went and set up Rupert’s downfall the way they did while Jake apparently gets off scot free and never gets his license revoked or anything. There also is never really any acknowledgement of just how wrong what he did was, how he should have his license revoked, and how his actions call into question every bit of therapy Ted and Michelle got from him. No one ever questions ‘Oklahoma,’ never mind the entire divorce, relative to this man’s breach of ethics and it bothers me to no end that the most we get is his absence at the end from scenes with Ted, Michelle, and their son. We didn’t need Rupert dressing up like Darth Vader and physically assaulting someone, we needed Michelle realizing how completely wrong her whole relationship with Jake is, dumping him, and reporting him.

The next issue is Ted himself. Obviously, he was in a gloomy sort of mood throughout the whole episode, but I think it’s really important to point out how that didn’t actually clear up once he got home. I do believe he was happy to see his son but, from the plane ride onward, it’s like he’s just hollow. We see him coaching little league soccer for his kid and yet there isn’t any of the heart and soul in it that we’ve seen him put into his other coaching. It’s like he’s depressed, which is understandable because he just left a whole incredible, supportive community to come to Kansas where, like Odysseus at the end of the Oddyssey, he’s a stranger in his own home. He goes from having a whole city around him to support him to seemingly having nothing and not even being a welcome member of his own family since he’s still divorced. Also, as others have pointed out, that montage that seems to be a dream sequence when he’s on the plane ride home is all about him writing himself out of the lives of everyone he just left behind. He’s decided that it’s better for everyone there to just forget about him and move on with their lives as though he was never there and he’s literally dreaming about how happy they’ll be to do that. 

This is a major thematic issue for this series because one of the main points of the series is the idea that everyone can change for the better and, more importantly, just about every character does. Ted spends all that time in England working on his own shit like everyone else, and even gets over his aversion to therapy in order to seek help for the first time ever, just to throw all of that away at the very end because apparently he’s just back on his bs and that’s it. This is where it would maybe be alright if there were another season after this one to address and fix this, but there isn’t. In the very last episode of the whole thing he’s throwing away his entire community, dreaming about how happy they’ll be without him, and there’s nothing and no one there correcting that. To me, this is like if right at the end of the last episode with no room left to fix it, they just had Beard go steal another car and then act like the audience is supposed to be okay with it.

The other thing, going off of that, is how they handled some of the relationships, and I specifically want to start off by talking about Ted and Rebecca. They have the distinction of being the only ship to truly be baited, more than once, and very unnecessarily so. The bait scene at the start of the final episode contributes nothing to the plot, the characters, or their relationship with each other — all it does is mock the members of the audience who were foolish enough to believe they ever could have been together. This, to me, also goes against the core values and themes of the show, because ship baiting like that is inherently mean-spirited and Ted Lasso at its core is meant to be kind. There is nothing kind about essentially dangling something over someone’s head, playing keep away with it, until you finally just chuck it in the river and laugh at the person for being so foolish as to think they were ever going to get it. It’s mean for the sake of being mean and again, for the umpteenth time, it contributes nothing.

So then let’s get to Roy, Jamie, and Keeley. Jamie and Roy are another example of a strong relationship that’s developed beautifully over the course of three seasons regressing at the very end because oh no, people ship it and we can’t have that. I do think that Keeley turning both of them down was necessary but Roy and Jamie literally getting into a fistfight over her was completely unnecessary and detrimental to their individual characters. By this point, they both are mature enough and respect Keeley enough that it’s genuinely ooc for them to be fighting each other about who gets to date her while she’s not even there. Season 3 Jamie and Roy would’ve been leaving the decision to her without reverting back to macho Neanderthal crap. 

To me, this is also about the creators recognizing that people in the fandom have ships and, for whatever reason, feeling the need to try and shut that down rather than just leaving well alone. If, instead of getting in a fight like they did, Roy and Jamie had a conversation about their shared experiences of wanting to be with Keeley but not knowing where they stand with her and recognizing how hard it is for each other, then it could end up contributing to the further growth of their relationship and, along with it, shipping and oh no, we can’t have that. Just like with Avatar: the Last Airbender, the presence or lack of romantic relationships is not the issue here, the problem is with writers accidentally setting up an incredibly compelling ship and then being like “oops, we didn’t mean to do that,” and trying to ctrl z it in the finale, at the detriment of the whole story. Why oh why do writers keep feeling the need to sacrifice the quality of their whole story for the sake of trying to get people to stop having opinions?

So then last up is Ted and Trent. As many others have pointed out, that bit where Ted’s reading the book and makes that comment about the ‘laugh police’ in response to Trent’s excitement and anxiety is extremely out of character. Ted “but he’s our dork” Lasso would never say that and I was horrified to hear those words come out of his mouth. However, this goes in with the destruction of his entire character arc and every bit of growth he’s done throughout the past three seasons all in this one episode, because that was him actively pushing Trent away because, as previously acknowledged, he’s back on his bs.

One issue with this is that Ted then never has a proper goodbye with Trent and the closest thing to that is the note he left asking Trent to change the title of the book. It’s not that I necessarily think he needed individual goodbyes on screen with every other character but Trent in particular was hugely important for Ted, like how Rebecca was. Do you really mean to tell me that Ted wouldn’t actually say goodbye to the journalist who wrote what, coming from him at the time, was essentially a glowing review when he was actually hired with the intention of destroying Ted’s career? Do you mean to say he wouldn’t get a proper goodbye with the man who threw away his whole career over him? The man who then decided the first thing he wanted to do after leaving said career was to write a book about him and his team? Seriously?

The other thing with Trent is that, where Ted’s ex wife and even Rebecca have felt the need to use ‘Oklahoma’ with him to get him to tell the truth, Trent has a talent for discerning the exact truth from Ted regardless of what he does or does not say. It would have been perfectly in character for him to go talk to Ted like Rebecca tried to but then actually succeed where she failed because he would be able to clearly read Ted’s signals and throw that all back at him. Unlike Rebecca, he could directly call out how much Ted didn’t actually want to leave.

That is actually the biggest issue this episode had — cowardice. The only reason I can think of why they wouldn’t even consider doing something like what I just described is because, like with Roy and Jamie, they are perfectly aware of the chemistry between those characters and how they have set them up so it reads like they’re in love with each other, and a scene like this would be just about impossible to do without coming across as romantic. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Ted and Trent would’ve already been snogging by the start of the season if one of them were a woman. This show did the thing where they’ve decided that they can have a couple gay characters, but those characters can only get with specifically devised side characters because God forbid you just have your two existing characters of the same gender kiss a bit. Between the pairings of Ted and Trent, and Roy and Jamie, there is enough textual evidence of mutual attraction and the potential for real, romantic relationships that one could write over a hundred pages about it, and that is not an exaggeration. When I look at this finale, one of the things I see is the titular character being destroyed because they decided that was better than letting people think that he could maybe not be straight.

The last issue I have here is that there really were no goodbyes. Rebecca showed up at the airport and that’s it and I thought that was very weird and, again, very much not in accordance with the entire rest of the show. Even if they didn’t have the entire team show up at the airport to say goodbye, it didn’t make sense to not even have just the Diamond Dogs show up for that. Where tf was everyone? Because just from watching the whole rest of the show, I think it would be impossible not to expect the team, the dogs, the folks from the pub and maybe also Shannon from town. It was a cold, empty departure far from fitting for the show at all and it left me coming out of that finale feeling cold and empty from the crippling disappointment. They had a whole show centered around interpersonal relationships and support and then had the coldest, loneliest ending anyone there could have devised.

My final thought here is that this is not an ending and the only way to salvage this wreckage is with another season. This feels like something they’re doing to drum up attention and interaction so that it’ll be successful when they do come in and announce that they’ve changed their minds and there will be another season, like an encore at a concert. However, if this really is the end, then I am absolutely disgusted and feel very betrayed right now because this show told me to believe and taught me that maybe hope isn’t actually a bad thing that’s out to get me, just to turn around and crap all over that. This show didn’t just apparently waste hours of my time, it was actually helping to get me to move on from past pain and start to accept hope as a good thing, until it shattered mine. They desecrated the very art they created and then expected the audience to applaud such disrespectful destruction, and I am disgusted by it.

[maybeweshould]

Possible scenarios for a new narrative.

I will start with the fact that it all depends on many factors that are not known to us. I wrote about what is happening right now here and here and a little bit here. But what may happen and how the narrative will be received is not known yet. Press and media for now are creating drama- H is giving content (as he should), but laying low- don't expect clear statements or anything like that. They're using situation for obvious reasons- also as they should. Controlling the narrative and putting the focus on him is smart move with recent pics- he's alone to steal attention, not to distance himself from Olivia (yet).

Harry's team has allowed her to control the narrative for too long already, thought she would just hang herself with whatever she put out. However, in this case that’s not going to happen- the drama actually will push his team to do what they need to do, because it directly raises the issue of Harry's image on a large scale- the whole GP is looking at OJ and H at this point.

But what will happen it really depends on:

1. their plans for the future as a couple (real or not),

2. H's image,

3. if custody case will be dirty or not,

4. GP's reaction.

Of course the fact that something is said in the press, that is not always true. The narrative must fit what they want to achieve. I also said that when it comes to a possible breakup, it must be a moment that will suit both of them and both of them will benefit from it somehow.

The release of the album and the tour were supposed to be the dates that would eventually change the narrative. Well, the spectacle of delivering court documents will surely speed things up and and even some things will have to be sooner or later clarified. So let's check the facts and situation for HO:

H:

as far as we know it is May 20 - album release. events possibly around that date include a new single, listening party, probably promoting concerts like One Night Only (we already know the dates and locations), interviews, TV programs, and more festival-type performances and regular tour (rehearsals)

O:

As for Olivia, I only know that Ted Lasso soon will be over, which means Jason and the kids will be in New York.

The case is- finally at some point- we will have schedule, lifestyle and location conflict- which will change the narrative. O will not move to London in my opinion- she can't, because then she won’t see the kids (considering custody thing- it's important), and surely Jason won’t let her drag them back and forth. H will not move to New York for sure. Possible option is LA. Rumor has it that he does not want it. Besides, he will practically not be present at all, because of a tour. (It's a light in a tunnel)

So while they're creating a drama- they are also checking people's reactions. If GP will be on Olivia's side- H will be a 'supportive boyfriend'. BUT let's say the GP will not like her, and think H is homewrecker, then Harrys image TPWK/golden boy/ success narrative is tarnished and they H team will react. An attempt to save that was Olivias team putting out 'oh he’s so supportive'. Because she really backed him up into a corner. Smart. However H's team is going to lay low until the album comes out, and just focus on that being the priority. But that after the album is out? H will need to sit with his team and make some decisions. Because they either:

1. Can’t keep ignoring the relationship- 'supportive boyfriend' narrative, a little bit more openly. It might benefit him too to sell the authenticity since he discussed in that bhg interview how he is trying to be better at his relationships

2. Have to end it, but slowly.

a) now if he does leave, she can still say the white-feminist “all men are against me” narrative. If he left her during the tour- she could play the victim (which she would gain in the process for custody), and he would get rid of the TPWK.

If they choose this scenario, it must happen later anyway. Not now and only after the album will be released.

OR:

b) they can end the relationship amicably by giving specific reasons such as: lack of time because the tour and he couldn't be enough supporter of hers and he is letting Olivie spent this 'hard' time with kids or she chooses the children's good and not a love.

Before I posted possible scenarios from a PR perspective, I consulted it with a person who has own PR company in Warsaw, and another person who works in LA said exactly what I did. But remember- these are just narrative scenarios. The narrative may change depending on the course of events. Media narrative is not real life and facts. The narrative is not the same as what happens behind the scenes.

[seaweedbrain404]

Wolfstar Au! : We Can’t Let the Kid Down, Now Can We?

read it on ao3

The flight from London to Athens wasn’t worth it and the flight back was even less worth it. Remus cursed himself for being so silly to think that Teddy’s mother would want anything to do with the boy, and even sillier to believe her when she said she would love for them to visit but couldn’t leave Athens because of work related reasons.

Remus should’ve asked her to elaborate these “reasons” but he didn’t and so, he and Teddy got to Athens for the weekend, she spent about an hour with them before leaving to go to a party. They didn’t see her again until three hours before they had to leave for the airport. He regretted this whole thing. Everything that happened to Remus up until that point, he regretted. Well, that was a lie. It wasn’t fair to Teddy. Remus didn’t regret Teddy. Sure, he hadn’t planned on becoming a father at 20 while in college but shit happens and Teddy was a wonderful kid (most of the time).

Understandably, Remus was annoyed and Teddy was upset. Everything was fine though, Remus had given him the window seat while he took the middle and hoped whichever fucker got landed with the aisle wasn’t an asshole because Teddy was at the age where he peed a lot. Like all the time and drank so much juice, which was probably the cause.

Remus had given Teddy a picture book for the trip. He already started making up his own story about what was happening to each character in each picture with alarmingly detailed backstories and of course, telling Remus every single bit of it when a man took the aisle seat.

“.....but Sammy doesn’t like her because she took the last cookie…..” Teddy went on, not noticing that Remus’ attention was elsewhere.

The man who sat down next to him was downright gorgeous. His dark hair was tied back in a loose bun with a pair of sunglasses resting atop his head. He was sporting a nice tan and wore clothes that looked more expensive than anything Remus could ever hope to own in his entire life. His cheekbones were sharp, almost royal looking. It made Remus feel slightly self conscious about his own sunburnt nose, freckled skin, limbs that didn’t quite fit and t-shirt that was so old and probably dirty because Teddy always had to wipe his hands on him.

That’s when it all went downhill. Teddy didn’t appreciate the takeoff the first time around and he sure as hell didn’t appreciate it now. The 4-year-old started crying as soon as the plane began moving.

Everyone seemed to look for the source of the noise and when their eyes landed on Remus and his son, they sighed or rolled their eyes or looked pitifully at the pair. With sudden horror, as he put his arm around Teddy to try to comfort him until they were safely allowed to undo their seatbelts so he could put him on his lap, Remus realised he was the annoyed guy with the wailing kid on the plane. The enchanting mam next to him, was unlucky enough to be seated next to that guy.

He felt a deep rise of panic and shame in his belly. “Shhh… Teds, it’s okay, we’ll be flying properly soon” he tried to push his own feelings aside in order to comfort Teddy.

It wasn’t working. Teddy kept crying and the handsome stranger had plugged earphones in his ears. Good, Remus thought, at least now it’s one less person to see me fail at being a father.

“Too loud!” Teddy cried, covering his ears with his hands then taking Remus’ hands and covering his ears with those.

He continued crying and this would continue to stress Remus out until they were high enough and stable enough that the seatbelt light flashed off. When they eventually did, and Remus was sure there would be no turbulence, he undid Teddy’s belt and brought him up onto his lap.

It was almost comically funny how Teddy stopped crying immediately. The moment he made contact with Remus, head tucked into his dad’s chest, he was reduced to sniffles.

“Why don’t you go night-night for a mo’ yeah?” Remus asked softly, as he rubbed circles on Teddy’s back.

The 4-year-old sniffled and looked up at Remus with great big watery eyes. “Daddy? Can we go to nana and granda’s when we go home?”

“Of course we can” Remus whispered into his son’s hair.

“That lady- you said was mummy, I don’t think she wants to be my mummy”

Remus had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from crying too. Teddy was only 4 but ever so perceptive and Remus regretted more than ever trusting Teddy’s mother.

“But it’s ‘kay, I gots you daddy” Teddy carried on, wiping his nose on Remus’ tshirt and giggling to himself. “You have my buggers on you now”

“Go to sleep now Teds, yeah?”

Teddy nodded, pushing his head further into Remus’ chest. His small hands were clinging tightly onto his father, as if he was afraid to let go. Remus was also holding onto Teddy for dear life. He was, without a doubt, the best thing to ever happen to Remus.

Clearly just as exhausted as Teddy, Remus closed his eyes for about five seconds before he felt someone tapping his shoulder. He jolted awake, feeling the heavy lump on his lap move slightly before he registered his surroundings.

It was the man from earlier. He had been the one to wake up Remus and by the looks of it, Teddy had been awake from quite some time. It took Remus a moment to realised the man had said something, his brain still swirling with sleep.

“Sorry- what?” He managed dumbly.

The man just smiled. “I said, your kid needs the bathroom” he pointed to Teddy, who looked decidedly more cheerful now that he had slept a bit.

“Oh- right, thanks- thank you” Remus’ eyes went from Teddy back to man. He smiled sheepishly as the other got up to leave Remus and Teddy out.

After returning from the bathroom trip, Teddy still didn’t want to be seated alone and remained firmly attached to Remus. Currently, he was sitting on his lap with a colouring book and a six-pack of crayons to keep him entertained.

“I’m sorry if he gave you any trouble” Remus said suddenly, after coming to the realization that Teddy had probably woken up and started bothering the other man.

He just shook his head, letting out a chuckle. “No, don’t worry about it, I’ve got a niece and a godson so I’m pretty used to kids”

“Still, he can be a bit much, he likes dinosaurs so I hope he didn’t talk your ear off”

“What? No, he really is a brilliant kid” He smiled warmly, then looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, “I’m Sirius, by the way”

“Remus”

“I know, kid kinda sold ya out”

Of course. Trust Teddy to sell you out to people who you think look ridiculously handsome and that you definitely wouldn’t mind snogging.

“Oh god” Remus dragged his hand over his face, I’m scared to ask what else he said”

“Nothing bad, I promise but…” Sirius pursed his lips then spoke in a lower voice, “I hope you don’t mind me asking- I mean it’s just cause of what he said but why were you in Greece?”

Remus’ shoulders tensed, readying himself for a fight. He had to remind himself he wasn’t 17 anymore, he wasn’t just a queer schoolboy from a small town in Wales with nothing to lose. He was a dad now.

“We went to visit Teddy’s mum” came his soft reply and he continued despite himself, “it wasn’t a good idea though”

“Why not?”

“Yeah, I don’t really want to talk about it… it’s complicated”

“Oh” Sirius looked a little crestfallen, he shook his head and his smile reappeared. “Are you Wesh?”

Taken aback the the question, Remus blinked at Sirius and nodded. He almost got whiplash from how fast Sirius changed the topic.

“Mm, figured”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Your accent” Sirius said, as if that explained everything but upon seeing the look on Remus’ face, he elaborated. “My parents had a sort of holiday home there, they’re filthy rich- my parents, too bad they disowned me for liking men”

Maybe it was the way Sirius said it, with such lightness that made Remus’ head spin. Or maybe it was that he would’ve never been able to joke around about his own troubles or even so casually say it in conversation. He kind of admired Sirius for it, it must take a lot of bravely to be this open about something like that in front of a random guy you’ve met on the plane.

“Oh- I’m sorry about that, that your parents did that” Remus managed once he recovered from his initial shock. “It’s an awful thing to do”

Sirius just shrugged, flashing another smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes like the previous ones. “Eh, it’s all good, all in the past y’know”

Remus opened his mouth but before he could speak, Teddy piped up. “Daddy, I like Sirius, I think you and him should hold hands and kiss”

Obviously Teddy is going to come out with something as embarrassing as that. Remus felt his entire face flush red as he tried to scramble for some way to apologize when Sirius held up his hand to stop him.

“No, I should probably take your daddy out on a date before we do that Teddy” Sirius said in a tone so serious, one might’ve thought he wasn’t joking. “What do you say bud? Am I allowed?”

Teddy nodded his head vigorously. “Yes! but we have to go to nana and granda’s first, then you can take him on a date”

Sirius aimed yet another smile at Remus, “What do you say? We can’t let the kid down now, can we?”

“Yeah, ‘suppose we can’t” He replied breathlessly.

A lot of things went through Remus’ head at that moment and for the rest of the flight. He mulled over whether he had made the right decision or not but when he saw Teddy chatting away happily to Sirius, he figured it was worth a shot.

[1mechanicalalligator]

i have some thoughts about ted lasso!

i'm gonna share some general ones, and then some spoiler-y ones below a cut in case you're planning on watching it (which you definitely should).

i didn't go into this show expecting to like it. at all. i literally watched it because my sister told me to, and she let me use her apple tv+ login to do so, and i wanted to use that to watch the new season of mythic quest.

the thing is, i don't care about sports in the slightest. and this is a show about an american football coach who moves to london to coach a british football team. and i thought it was just gonna just be some fish-out-of-water thing, lots of dumb humor, the whole "haha he doesn't know how to play the game" thing, okay, whatever.

and i think if they had taken this premise and chosen to stuff everything into 2 hours and make a movie out of it, that's what it could have become.

but they didn't! there are 10 episodes in the first season and they've already ordered two more seasons. there is so much story to tell, and i'm really excited that they're being given the time to tell it.

what it comes down to is that ted lasso isn't a show about sports.

it's a show about relationships. it's a show about paradigms and expectations and values and hopes and fears. it's a show about doing your best.

and it's really, really good.

okay, now i want to get into some specifics so continue reading at your own risk <3

i love what ted lasso does with relationships, and i feel like that's the main theme of the show.

we start out with a healthy relationship, ted and coach beard, who can practically read each other's minds because they know each other so well, and are constantly playing those fun little word games.

later on we add in nate and higgins to form the diamond dogs, which turns out to be a delightful little group. as nate says, "ever since i was little i always used to dream about sitting down with a bunch of mates talking about the complex dynamics between men and women." so sweet.

we also see broken relationships. rebecca and rupert, ted and michelle, jamie and keeley, rebecca and sassy. we see how the characters navigate those broken relationships and deal with them in healthy and unhealthy ways, and how the characters (with the exception of rupert) learn to better themselves despite their pain.

and we see new relationships grow, and those new relationships help soothe the broken ones, whether romantic or platonic. we have rebecca and ted, roy and keeley, rebecca and keeley, ted and roy, nate and the team, rebecca and higgins, and even ted and trent crimm.

and it's exciting to see those relationships grow and develop, to see how ted wins rebecca and roy and trent crimm over just by being himself. how he stays genuine and true to himself the entire time. how he's nothing but kind, and on the rare occasion that he snaps a little, he apologizes immediately, and he means it.

and it's lovely to see how the show is able to portray a friendship between rebecca and keeley, which at one point gets slightly interrupted by sassy, and there's no issue at all, no jealousy or cattiness. they immediately all fall into step with one another. none of the girls are threatened by each other. it's beautiful.

this show manages to present so many different layers of conflict without it ever turning into pointless drama. all of the characters' issues and reactions are real and earned and explored. there's no false conflict, which for me at least makes me feel like i can trust the writers, and they did not let me down.

my biggest takeaway from this show is that i expected it to fall victim to a lot of classic tropes - misunderstandings, evil schemes, messy divorces, oblivious main characters, bumbling americans abroad, sports clichés - and it absolutely did not. and i find that very, very refreshing. it makes me feel respected as a consumer of media.

i'm really excited to see what the next two seasons have to bring.

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Breathe ~ the Doctor (part 8)

A/n: So I tried to go lighter with this one and failed a bit not gonna lie? Just... bare with me I forgot that Mr. Connolly was like THAT and I absolutely had to address it. This one goes on a bit because of that, sorry.

Word Count: 12,000+

Warnings: Implied physical/mental abuse, past homophobia, backlash of PTSD (light), possibly upsetting memories, discussion of abuse

MASTERLIST

"How does this look?" Y/n had changed out of what originally been planned for him this time. He didn't like layers like the Doctor did unless it was quite cold, and it wasn't, so he'd lessened the whole thing by ditching the blazer, looking overly casual like he usually did. The suit pants were blue, close to but just a bit nicer than the jeans he'd mostly been wearing up until now. He'd absolutely refused to do his hair like the Doctor had, so it was loose and messy instead - different than the way he did it every other day, but all he could manage after the gel had hardened the strands. Rose had tried to get Y/n to comply and it had failed for both of them. He felt too casual to be wearing dress pants, and his hair looked weird to him in the mirror. He was thinking about taking a quick shower and going for an entirely different look.

When he looked at Rose and the Doctor for input though, the two looked back at him with eyes widened, lips parted. Upon realizing they were staring, the Doctor looked away. Rose just smirked. Y/n went quite red. "You look fantastic," Rose complimented. "I didn't realize you could pull off messy so well."

"You pull off everything well," the Doctor followed up softly. It was unsure if he'd meant to keep it in his head and slipped, or had wanted to say it louder but didn't have the confidence. Y/n thanked him, but the Doctor just nodded dismissively, a blush of his own coloring his skin before he nodded to the TARDIS door. "You both ready?"

As always, Rose was first. She pulled the door open, popping outside to may her skirts swish. It was becoming quickly apparent she was in love with how her dress moved. "I thought we'd be going for the Vegas era. You know, the white flares and the-" she did a sort of growl, and Y/n raised an eyebrow but realized she'd been mocking rather than being genuine. He was going to say - if she was into that, she was out of luck with her current partners.

Like an echo of Y/n's thoughts, the Doctor leaned around the TARDIS door, his shoulder pressing against Y/n's chest. "You're kidding aren't you? If you want to see Elvis you go to the late '50's! The time before burgers!" He dipped back in and Y/n leaned against the doorway, keeping both of the other two in view. "When they called him "the Pelvis" and he still had a waist!" The Doctor continued from inside. "What's more, you see him in style!" Y/n saw it first from his vantage point in the doorway, and thankfully so because as the Doctor rolled out of the TARDIS in a fully functioning moped, Y/n would have been run over if he hadn't gotten out of the way quickly. He circled before stopping, looking at Rose with an amused smirk. "You going my way Doll?" He said in a low voice. It was a bad attempt at Elvis and made Y/n laugh.

Rose pulled out a pair of glasses that matched her dress. "Is there anyway to go, daddy o?" She shot back, her voice higher and more nasally. She approached the Doctor with an added, "Straight from the fridge, man!"

The Doctor grinned. "Hey, you speak the lingo!" He held out a helmet for her. Y/n was amused to see that it was pink, like her glasses, so it also matched her skirt. Y/n dipped inside as they continued their back and forth, looking around before he saw what he was looking for. A bike! It wouldn't be as fast as the moped mechanically but he was down to coast. Also he had a secret: he was a devil when it came to bicycling. Rose had refused to stop biking with him for a few years now; she could never keep up well enough and tired easily if she tried.

When Y/n rolled out on the bike, the Doctor rose an eyebrow. Y/n closed the TARDIS door behind him, grinning. "Don't give me that look," he dismissed. "Just lead the way. If you can keep up." Rose and Y/n laughed as he took off on the bike, surprising the Doctor with how fast he actually went. After a bit of joking, the Doctor did slow down a bit to keep pace with Y/n, the three chatting - or, the usual, which was that Rose and the Doctor chatted mostly and Y/n inputted every so often - on the way.

"Where we off to?" Rose asked at one point.

"Ed Sullivan TV studios," the Doctor yelled back in response, having to be loud over the sound of the motor. "Elvis did Hound Dog on one of the shows. There were loads of complaints. Bit of luck, we'll just catch it."

"And that would be the TV studios in, what, New York?" Rose inquired further.

Y/n immediately saw where she was going with that. The Doctor did not. "That's the one!"

The trio paused at a four-way stop as a bus passed. Rose laughed. Y/n smiled, soft and fond. "I don't think we're in New York, Doctor." And indeed it was anything but. All around them was small town views. The sky was clear and the buildings were all very similar: one story, brick, two windows, one door, colored red. There wasn't even much traffic.

"Well," the Doctor mumbled. "This could still be New York. I mean, this looks very New York to me."

Y/n rolled his eyes. "And you've memorized New York have you?" The Doctor shrugged, but before he could speak Y/n got to it first. "You forget how well I know you, Doctor. I know you have general ideas of how certain places on each planet work and that's why you usually end up in the general same place every time you come to Earth. You probably would think we were on a different planet if you went to... Australia, or France. Have you ever really been to America before?"

The Doctor glowered, but without any offense or anger. Just the cutest irritation a being called out. After all, you couldn't get mad at someone just because they were right. "I've got a lot going on in this head of mine."

A smirk rose to Y/n's face. "Is that why we always get lost?"

Rose cut in. "What are all the flags for?" And indeed, she had a point.

The first thing he noticed other than the very not-New York state of the very London town, were the flags hung above the streets. Y/n could appreciate pride for one's country, but there were flags EVERYWHERE he looked. It seemed a little odd that a town so small you could see it even in the way people talked to each other, would hang a bunch of flags around every inch of every place. What, was the Queen coming to visit?

They parked the bike and moped, going around to get a closer look and understand exactly what was going on. In their wanderings, they came across a man at the back of a truck, and boys next to him who seemed to be picking up and moving a TV. The older man said something. "There you go sir." Y/n noticed another man who was older than the boys but younger than the older gent. Maybe the father. "All wired up for the great occasion."

The Doctor approached. "Great occasion? What do you mean?"

"Where you've been living eh?" the older man asked as the boys and their father left with the TV. "Out in the colonies? The coronation of course."

Unfortunately, that didn't clear up much for the group. "And what coronation's that then?" the Doctor asked in favor of all of their cluelessness.

The older man stopped, looking at them like they were insane. Nervous, even. Skiddish. Y/n watched him, that familiar feeling twisting in his chest. Something was about to happen, and it wasn't good. "What do you mean?" the older man asked. "The Coronation."

"It's the Queen's," Rose realized. "Queen Elizabeth." Y/n felt silly then. Of course! He was getting as bad at the space man over there, so much other knowledge in his head making him forget how his own planet worked.

"Oh!" the Doctor exclaimed. "Is this 1953?"

"Last time I looked," the older man affirmed. "Time for a lovely bit of pomp and circumstance. What we do best."

Rose was looking around, her voice next distracting from the older man with his van. "Look at all the TV aerials. Looks like everyone's got one. Which is so weird, because my mum said tellies were so rare, they all had to pile into one house."

"Not round here, Love," the older man cheerily corrected. "Magpie's Marvelous Tellies." He pointed to the side of his truck, feigning proud. Pride that should have been real but so obviously wasn't. Pride that was, for some reason, very obviously strained when Y/n looked at him. Magpie - Y/n assumed that was the man's name, as the branding suggested - caught Y/n giving him an analyzing look and turned away. Hiding. "Only five quid a pop."

Before Y/n could push, the Doctor chirped, "Oh but this is a brilliant year! Classic! Technicolor! Everest climbed! Everything off the ration! A nation throwing off the shackles of war and looking forward to a happier, brighter future!" Rose laughed, and Y/n almost dismissed his weird feeling and grinned along.

Then there was screaming.

"Someone help me! Please!" The trio spun to the sound of the woman's voice. "Ted! Leave him alone, he's my husband!" The Doctor shot off, triggering Rose to follow close behind. Y/n stayed back, something eating at him. "PLEASE!" the woman begged as the other two got onto the scene where two men in black suits were pushing what seemed to be a man. It couldn't be sure because he had a blanket over his head, and he was rushed into a long black car, but the woman had called him Ted so...

"What's going on?" the Doctor demanded.

"Oi! What are you doing?" A young boy continued when the Doctor was ignored.

"Police business," was what they all got. "Get out of the way, sir." That was directed at the Doctor, who was scrambling to find some way to either intervene or understand. Y/n looked away though, his eyes drawn by some reason to Mr. Magpie, just in time to see the man's face wrought with regret and self hatred. He seemed intensely distressed, and nearly tripped over himself to leave the scene when he met Y/n's gaze. As Magpie peeled from the scene in one direction, Rose and the Doctor chasing the black car on the moped in the opposite direction, Y/n had two thoughts.

One, this happened a lot.

Two, this town was either very tight knit, which didn't seem to be the case as no one but the boy from before had tried to come to Tom's rescue. Even the boy had been pulled inside by his parents, who seemed eager to ignore the situation entirely. So if that wasn't the case, how upset he'd been only made sense if... he was somehow involved in what was going wrong with these people. Or knew something about it.

There was a scream coming from the house where the boy from earlier had disappeared into that caught Y/n's attention first. His instincts perked up, his defenses quickly activating. It had been muffled, like maybe a window was cracked and that alone was why he could hear the conversation inside, but it was enough to set him on edge. Before he could orient himself enough to go after Magpie, Rose and the Doctor pulled up and caught him up on losing the back car to a dead end, as well as their plan to ask around to the neighbors about what was happening.

When the Doctor noticed Y/n's gaze returning time and time again to the house the yelling had come from, he put a hand on Y/n's shoulder. "You okay?"

"There was yelling," Y/n explained softly. He switched gears upon hearing the frail note in his voice. "It was where the boy from earlier disappeared. I think we should look into them."

Unsure if the other two had caught onto the real reason Y/n was suddenly a little out of it, he followed along as the other two lead the way toward the house and inside. Something about how they were there in the name of the Queen, which seemed to work well enough. They were inside at least.

"Very nice," the Doctor complimented as the three filtered into the house. "Very well kept. I have to congratulate you, Mrs...?" Y/n was astonished at the Doctor's ability to slip in so easily and effortlessly, like he really was here for what he said he was here for.

The woman smiled warmly, flattered by the Doctor's praise. "Mrs. Connolly," she answered in response to his prompting question.

"Now then Rita," the man who'd answered the door dismissed. Y/n recognized his voice - he had been the one to yell. "I can handle this. These gentlemen are proper representatives." Y/n was instantly put off by the way he dismissed both of the women in the room - Rose and his wife. How he referred to the gentlemen, which would be Y/n and the Doctor, and not the woman who was with them. How he shut up his wife who was only responding to being directly spoken to. Y/n hated him immediately. "Don't mind the wife. She rattles on a bit." This he said to the Doctor, ignoring Y/n as he leaned into the back of the room and stayed quiet. That was even more annoying as it seemed he'd been trying to weed out the alpha male in the group since they walked in and address that person only. Rose was a woman and Y/n was quiet, so he addressed only the Doctor, as if he was the only stranger in the house right now.

"Well maybe she should rattle on a bit more," the Doctor responded quite easily. "I'm not convinced you're doing your patriotic duty. Those flags." His eyes fell to a box of flags on the ground. "Why are they not flying?"

Mr. Connolly, who'd looked horrified at the Doctor suggesting he wasn't being patriotic, now rushed to prove how good of a citizen he was and Y/n had to swallow a laugh to hide it. "There we are, Rita, I told you." Mrs. Connolly seemed to be suddenly upset, and Y/n felt a burning urge to step in between the two of them. He held his place only because the Doctor shot him a warning look. "Get them up. Queen and country."

"I'm sorry," Rita apologized to the Doctor.

Before she could continue, Mr. Connolly ordered, "Get it done. Do it now."

Y/n's hands tightened into fists but the Doctor was already stepping forward. "Hold on a minute." Mr. Connolly kept talking and the Doctor spoke again over him, repeating, "Hold on a minute. You've got hands, Mr. Connolly. Two big hands! Then why is that your wife's job?"

Mr. Connolly seemed derailed again, and Y/n and Rose exchanged thrilled expressions. "Well it's housework, isn't it?" It seemed like it was supposed to be expected. A simple question with an obvious answer. And, I suppose in a world where men were aggressive and angry and hard and women did what they were told and everyone else was ripped apart, it was a simple answer.

"And that's women's work?" The Doctor continued casually.

"Of course it is!" Mr. Connolly spat, astounded.

That seemed to be exactly what the Doctor wanted him to say. "Mr. Connolly, what gender is the Queen?"

Immediately Mr. Connolly was uncomfortable. "She's female."

"And are you suggesting the Queen does the housework?" A thick silence fell like cement into the room, and Y/n accidentally made eye contact with the boy from earlier. They shared two repressed smiles, and Y/n winked at him.

Finally, the Doctor's question was given an answer. "No!" Mr. Connolly gasped, incredulous. "Not at all!"

The Doctor reached down and scooped up one of the flag lines, handing it to Mr. Connolly. "Then get busy."

"Right, yes sir," the stupid man mumbled as he took the line, moving to the wall to hang it up. "You'll be proud of us sir. We'll have union jacks left, right and center."

Rose, who'd taken a seat at some point, now stood up again. "Excuse me Mr. Connoly. Hang on a minute. Union Jacks?"

Mr. Connolly froze, looking back at her with a stunned expression, taken far aback by her hot headedness and strong voice coming from a woman. "Yes, that's right, isn't it?"

"That's the Union flag," she continued. Her voice got angry and Y/n's eyes widened, his attraction to her sky rocketing. "It's the Union Jack only when it's flown at sea."

"Oh," Mr. Connolly nearly whimpered. "I'm sorry. I do apologize."

Y/n smirked, turning away from Mr. Connolly so he wouldn't see. Rose wasn't about to go easy on the man though, and Y/n appreciated that. "Well, don't get it wrong again. There's a good man. Now get to it!" She snapped the last bit, spinning around again when she'd finished with a satisfied smile on her face and moving back to the couch to sit down. Y/n stepped forward so he was leaning on the back of the couch, behind the pair.

"Right then," the Doctor continued with eyes wide and impressed. "Nice and comfy. At her majesty's leisure." When they were settled the Doctor turned to Rose with a very quiet whispered, "Union Flag?"

Rose was eager to explain. "Mum went out with a sailor."

The Doctor chuckled gleefully and Y/n shook his head, amused. "I bet she did." In a normal voice he turned to Mrs. Connolly. "Anyway, I'm the Doctor, then there's Rose and Y/n." He introduced them all to Mrs. Connolly, Rose and Y/n giving a nod or a wave respectively when they were mentioned. "And you are?" That he said to the kid.

"Tommy," the kid responded, looking at the trio like they were something amazing.

The Doctor and Rose pushed apart to make room for someone to sit between them. "Well, sit yourself down, Tommy." The Doctor pat the spot between them for Tommy, and then the chair next to the couch to encourage Mrs. Connolly to sit down as well. Y/n moved around to lean against the wall next to the fireplace, slipping his hands in his pockets and trying to seem as least threatening as possible. "Have a look at this," the Doctor continued when everyone was settled, turning attention to the TV. "I love telly, don't you?"

"Yeah, I think it's brilliant," Tommy agreed with a smile.

"Good man," the Doctor complimented. After a beat he leaned back to add, "Keep working, Mr. C!" and then leaned forward to watch the black and white program. Or, that's what Y/n thought he was doing before the Doctor suddenly turned to Mrs. Connolly with a low, soft, quiet voice that Mr. Connolly wouldn't be able to hear. "Now, why don't you tell me what's wrong?" His voice wasn't forceful but comforting, and he looked at her with a soft concern. He was open and tender - ready to help and slow to disbelieve, dismiss, or judge.

Mrs. Connolly responded to it immediately. "Did you say you were a Doctor?"

Y/n felt his heart seize, knowing what it meant when the Doctor confirmed, "Yes I am."

"Can you help her?" Y/n noticed the desperation on the woman's face. The way her hair fell out of her hairdo, and her hands clasped together, stress and every line of her face. "Oh please. Can you hep her, Doctor?"

Like an unwanted Lego you step on while walking through your house, Mr. Connolly spoke up again. "Now Rita, I don't think the gentleman needs to know.

"Yes he does." It was the first thing Y/n had said the entire time, and when Mr. Connolly looked at him to argue, the look on Y/n's face shut him down immediately. "There's something going wrong, but the Doctor can help. He can fix whatever problem you have, because he's absolutely amazing like that." He turned to Mrs. Connolly with a softer expression. "Please, continue."

Mrs. Connolly suddenly broke, raising a hand to cover her mouth as she began to cry. Rose stood up to move to her side and comfort her. "It's all right," she eased. "It's all right, come here." She hugged Mrs. Connolly, keeping the older woman against her side. "Oh, it's okay. It's alright."

"Hold on a minute," Mr. Connolly seemed to realize, fiddling with the flags still in his hand. "Queen and country's one thing, but this is my house." His voice was rising and Y/n locked up immediately. "What the..." He looked at the flags in his hand before tossing them aside. "What the hell am I doing?" He locked eyes with the Doctor, who was almost smirking. The smug look was tainted with a threatening darkness in his eyes that seemed to be brewing. A storm about to hit hard. "Now you listen here Doctor," Mr. Connolly continued. This was a man who was never questioned or put in his place, and it made Y/n begin to come undone. "You may have fancy qualifications, but what goes on under my roof is my business."

"No it's not."

Mr. Connolly turned to face Y/n with a rage in his features, but Y/n wasn't having any of it. He'd lost something suddenly. The thing that kept him quiet when he was afraid. That made him step back and close his eyes and hide. The thing that had driven him to run every time he'd been chased by things he was afraid of when he was small. Because you know what, he wasn't small anymore and Mr. Connolly was not even semi close to the scariest thing he'd seen.

"You," Mr. Connolly seethed.

"Me," Y/n confirmed, stepping forward. He glared, his eyes burning with wild, hot fire. "Am I the type of man you like to be around? The type that's easy to push around and get what you want from? Is that why you've ignored me for so long, and turned to me so quickly, because the Doctor is scarier and bigger and you know that despite the fact you shouldn't be afraid of him, you are?" Y/n pushed off the wall, standing to his full height. "You act like because you live in this house it's your special little place where you're in control and nothing can stop you? Well let me tell you," Y/n sneered, stepping forward again, his eyes narrowing. "This might be your house, but it is not up to you to control everything in it, because your wife and your son are their own people and not objects for you to put into the places that you want them and you will learn that or your son will grow up hating you and your wife will wait for the day you die, and every day of your life will be spent playing pretend king and trying to ignore how absolutely miserable you are."

Mr. Connolly seemed to be stunned, seeing nothing but truth that terrified him when he looked into Y/n's eyes. "Who are you?"

Y/n finally calmed, becoming even more terrifying by doing so. "Your worst nightmare." All of the blood drained from Mr. Connolly's face as a shadow passed over Y/n's expression that sent a chill down Mr. Connolly's spine.

"Now-" the Doctor began, but he was interrupted by Mr. Connolly turning around weakly and demanding-

"Get out."

"Excuse me?" The Doctor hissed.

"Get out!" He sounded less angry and more terrified, but scared animals were always more volatile than angry ones.

"I'm trying to-"

Mr. Connolly snapped. "I am talking!"

The Doctor shot to his feet, getting into Mr. Connolly's face. "And I'm not listening!" Mr. Connolly finally shut up, eyes wide and hands shaking. "Now you Mr. Connolly, you've dismissed my friend over there but I'm about to tell you, you will absolutely not dismiss me. You are staring into a deep, dark pit of trouble if you don't let me help. Now I'm ordering you, sir-" he spit the word, mocking rather than respectful. "-Tell me what is going on!"

Before anyone could say anything or bounce back from the Doctor absolutely losing it on this idiotic man, there was suddenly a thumping sound over head. Like someone was banging a stick on the floor above them. The family in the room finally broke, even Mr. Connolly finally looking at the Doctor with fear in his eyes and saying, "She won't stop." The paused and the rhythmic thudding came again. Four slow thuds. "She never stops," Mr. Connolly added, shifting uncomfortably.

Tommy sat forward. "We started hearing stories all round the place," he began. The Doctor turned to face him, Rose only having to look over to move her attention to the boy. Y/n's eyes had shot to the stairs when the banging had started and had not moved away. "People who have changed. Families keeping it secret because they were scared. Then the police started finding out. We don't know how, no one does. They just turn up. They come to the door and take them. Any time of the day or night."

At some point Y/n had moved from his spot before o the bottom of the steps, and when he got there, he paused only a second before he took a step up, and then another, and then another. The Doctor told Tommy one thing: "Show me." But by the time the group moved to get the key and went up the stairs so the Doctor could see what was going on, Y/n was already standing in front of the door with a distant, glassy look on his face. "Y/n?" The Doctor's voice was soft, concerned.

Y/n didn't respond. He raised a hand and it hovered over the door. He almost touched it... there was something, almost calling to him. Drawing him in. Y/n forced himself to focus. Ripped himself away from the thing that was pulling his body around without his permission. The last time this had happened, he had felt the death of hundreds and hundreds of people all being so horrified and agonized that it killed them. He couldn't feel something like that again. So he stepped back, using his other hand to force the one reaching for the door to his chest. away from the wood. He leaned against the banister behind him, a grim expression on his face. Rose and the Doctor shared worried expressions before moving to the door to unlock it and see what was going on. It was always the first step to solving the problem.

The door opened with Tommy entering the room first. They'd all agreed it would be best if she saw someone she knew first, so he was the one who greeted her. "Gran? It's Tommy. It's alright Gran. I've brought help." The door opened wider, revealing a dark room light only by the moon outside coming in through the window. There was someone inside, but only her silhouette could be seen. She began to walk toward the group coming into the room, and Y/n felt his heart seize in his chest. He wanted to reach out and pull the Doctor and Rose back, but he couldn't move.

Tommy turned the light on.

The woman in the room was revealed, in pristine, perfect condition... except that her face was gone. She had no mouth or eyes or even a nose. There light dents where all those things should be, but weren't. She just stood there, as if looking at them. But she couldn't.

Rose and the Doctor moved to her after a second. The Doctor got very close, eyebrows creasing. "Her face is completely gone." He rose his screwdriver to scan her. "Scarcely an electrical impulse left," he told them. "Almost complete neural shutdown. It's just ticking over. It's like her brain's been..." He seemed to struggle for a second. "Wiped clean."

"What are we gonna do Doctor?" Tommy asked, desperation in his voice. That was what got Y/n to move. He stepped toward the boy, his hand reaching out to comfort Tommy. Before he got there, his shoulder brushed Mr. Connolly's and a realization hit him like a freight train. He spun to face the man as Tommy added, "We can't even feed her."

Y/n made eye contact with Mr. Connolly. The men were the only ones out of the room, and therefore no one heard him when he whispered, "This is your fault."

"What?" Mr. Connolly spit.

Just then, the door downstairs banged open, and heavy footsteps could be heard on the stairs. "We've got company," Rose nearly groaned, too upset by the faceless woman to be as sassy as she usually was.

"They've come for her!" Rita lamented, clinging to her son and looking at the Doctor with desperation.

The Doctor jumped into action. "What was she doing before this happened to her?" He demanded. When Rita and Tommy looked at him with stunned confusion, he snapped, "Tell me, quickly! Think!"

"I can't think!" Tommy snapped back. "She doesn't leave the house! She was just..." He reached out to his mother as she covered her face, his words fading as men in suits suddenly surged into the room.

Stepping between the men and the grandma, the Doctor held up his hands to stop this from happening. "Hold on! There are three important, brilliant and complicated reasons why you should listen to me. One-"

He was cut off before he could finish, by the man closest to him snagging him with a solid right hook. The Doctor went flying to the floor and Rose scrambled after him, screaming, "Doctor!" The men threw a blanket over the old woman's head and began to lead her out of the room.

Rita tried to stop them; bless the woman. "Leave her alone!" She demanded, pulling weakly on one of the men's arms. "You'll hurt her! Mum!" She was shoved off by one of the men and Tommy rushed to help her land safely and get back up again. Which left Y/n as the one standing. But he didn't do anything. He stood as Mr. Connolly guided the men out of the house, and he followed behind slowly. Rita and Tommy were after them much faster. "Don't hurt her!" Rita begged. She followed them all the way outside, Tommy right behind her. Once outside the commotion kept up, but Y/n at the top of the stairs didn't hear it. He did however jump into action upon hearing Rita begin to cry.

Whatever spell he was under shattered and he shoved past Mr. Connolly with force, running to the moped the Doctor had left behind to go into the house, kicking it into gear and revving the engine, watching the car with the old woman inside begin to pull away. He paused only to lock eyes with Mr. Connolly yet again, accusation set in his eyes with a cold tone that made the man step back into the house to hide from it. Unfortunately for him, Tommy saw the look as well.

The moment allowed the Doctor to catch up, slipping on the bike behind Y/n and pulling his feet up just in time for TY/n to surge forward, leaving them only a beat behind the car ahead. They chased the vehicle until it turned a corner... a corner that lead to what seemed to be a dead end. There was a closed gate and a cart in front of it. Even a boy swept the street in front of the cart, seeming as if the whole operation had been there for ages.

"Oh, very good," the Doctor congratulated the two men, smirking. The man sweeping smirked back. It clicked in Y/n's head immediately. "It was like this last time too," the Doctor explained anyway. "I chased it and ended up right here, on this street, in front of that gate, with those two people set up in front of it."

"Set up indeed," Y/n sighed, shaking his head.

They settled on a simple solution. They parked the moped and went around the back, walking around the enclosure to find any other entrances or weakened points on the gate. Of course, they found it. It was a door into the building. Something small, too small to be used by people as an entrance. Big enough to be used if one had to though, and no lock was scary enough to go against the sonic screwdriver. They were inside with no problem at all.

It seemed to be some sort of factory. There was the clattering of chains in the distance that they followed into a big room with a a gated enclosure in the middle. Inside the enclosure was dozens of people, all missing their faces. The clattering was coming from the men who had come to the house, who were now locking the grandma inside as well before locking the gate again. They waited for the men to leave before jogging up to the enclosure. The Doctor took out his screwdriver, busted the lock, and they were inside. It seemed a little more complex than it had from a distance though because after opening the first gate, there was a second one that lead to where everyone was actually held. Y/n wondered briefly why there were two gates as the Doctor opened the second and the pair moved into that room, pushing their way into the crowd gently to get a closer look at the faceless people.

They were dormant at first, but as the Doctor took out a torch and began to shine the light on them, their bodies began to twitch and move. Hands began to curl into claws, heads tilting threateningly. And they all turned to Y/n and the Doctor, closing in and pressing the two men against one of the gated walls. They crowded and pushed but didn't harm, and that surprised Y/n at first. Unfortunately, they did cause a commotion, which only occurred to the men when a huge light came on behind both of them, from outside the gate. They tried to see who had turned it on and saw only two silhouettes. A man's voice rung out, "Stay where you are."

They were pulled out of the enclosure and taken to two different rooms, sat in chairs, and faced with who seemed to be detectives. The man interrogating Y/n was rather calm and pleasant. "So who are you then?"

Y/n found himself sighing. "My name is Y/n."

The officer smiled, seeming pleased with Y/n's cooperative approach. "What are you doing here?"

"We're trying to figure out what's happening, so we can help and stop it," Y/n answered without hesitating. He said it with conviction, his body so relaxed but his eyes so full of honesty that there was simply no room to doubt him. He was telling the whole truth, and nothing else.

It was the best move to make, and it went over well. "What do you know?"

"Probably as much as you guys do. Bunch of people. Faces missing. What you might not know is that their brains are basically shut off. Like someone's taken their entire consciousness. A body with no person inside it, thinking and feeling and walking. It's a wisp of a ghost of humanity. No one's manning the controls." His shoulders dropped. "They're dormant."

Fairly enough, it was upsetting to the detective as well. "That's all you know?"

Y/n scoffed. "Maybe if you did less interrogating and tying me to chairs, I could be out there figuring out what's going on. My partner, where is he? We need to start working on this. Sitting around asking someone who knows barely more than you do is getting neither of us anywhere."

Sitting back, the officer gave a sort of amused smirk. "Down to business then. Alright, let the man go."

"But sir," one of the other men questioned. "Shouldn't we wait for the DI?"

The officer shook his head. "We need to find them and reunite these men who are here to help us. Come along, we've got work to do." And with that, Y/n was untied and they all headed to where the Doctor was being kept. A man who Y/n suspected was the DI was sat with the Doctor, looking non too far off from where the man who's been with Y/n had ended up - perplexed but trusting.

When they came into the room, the Doctor grinned upon seeing Y/n. "I can always count on you to get them to trust us, Y/n. Why do people listen to you so much better?"

"I'm approachable?" Y/n offered.

The Doctor nodded. "No that sounds about right."

Once the Doctor was untied as well, they all moved into the office where the DI began to catch up the other two men. "We started finding them about a month ago. Persons left 'sans visage'. Heads just... blank."

"Any sort of pattern?" The Doctor asked, eager to get down to business.

"It's spreading out from North London, all over the city. Men, women, kids, grannies. Only real lead is, there's been quite a large number in-"

The Doctor cut him off as he began to riffle through papers, finding the information himself. "-Florizel Street," he finished. His brow was creased in the way that it did when he was thinking and trying to understand. Looking at information and dissecting it. Taking it all in and organizing it to make sense of any kind of madness. It was a look Y/n had come to look on fondly.

There was a knock at the door to the office and Y/n went from admiring to in pain rather quickly.

"Found another one sir."

All eyes turned as the DI gave a half hearted, "Oh, good man, Crabtree. Here we are, Doctor. See what you can deduce." Y/n noticed that it was a woman immediately. There was a blanket over her head, but she was wearing a skirt. A pink skirt. A pink skirt that Y/n had seen recently, and could recognize almost immediately.

No.

No!

The one who had walked the woman into the room took the blanket off of her head, revealing-

"Rose," the Doctor lamented weakly.

Y/n's body went weak. He trailed after the Doctor, moving closer to her in order to reach out and touch her cheek. If she were normal, she would have leaned into it, a smile on her face. Maybe even winked at Y/n. But now... her face was blank, all features gone, leaving only shallow dents where they all should be.

"Do you two know her?" The DI asked.

"Know her? She..." The Doctor trailed off, a tension to his face as he struggled to voice what Y/n so often did. That she was his girlfriend, or companion, or maybe something else that explained what they all were better, in stronger words that painted the picture more clearly and drove home the feelings they shared. That he so much more than just knew her.

When he said nothing else, Y/n offered something. "She's out partner. We travel together." He wished he hadn't said anything. That he'd stopped as the Doctor had, because those words weren't sufficient, but he also knew he had no right to speak for the Doctor's feelings when he couldn't even admit them to himself. And... I mean, would these old fashioned people understand it anyway, when they couldn't even be okay with the Doctor and Y/n being together, let alone Rose as well?

To fill the sudden painful silence in the room, the man who'd brought Rose in began to fill in missing information. "They found her in the street apparently, down by Damascus Road. Just abandoned. That's unusual. That's the first one out in the open." He went to talk more, but Y/n was finished right there.

"I'm sorry say that again?"

"Sorry?" the DI offered, not sure as to what part Y/n had meant.

The Doctor spoke again. "Where did you say they left her?" He kept his eyes on Rose, his features being replaced with anger where the concentration and focus and puzzle piecing had been before. Gears turned now so much faster, the fire that drove him burning brighter. He was the sort of man that moved slower when angry, because every single move counted. It was when he was soft and slow that the Doctor was most dangerous.

The other men in the room seemed to sense that. "Just... in the street."

"In the street," the Doctor repeated, his face relaxing as he rose his eyebrows. "They left her in the street. They took her face and just chucked her out and left her in the street." His voice was dropping, the anger curling around his words as his body relaxed. All his hesitations that usually kept him so in line melted away and he was calmer than he ever was. "And as a result, that makes things..." He paused, eyes still trained on where Rose's face should be. "- Simple. Very, very simple. Do you know why?" He took his glasses off, finally looking away from Rose in favor of turning to face the others in the room.

"No," the DI answered, his nervousness plain.

"Because now, Detective Inspector Bishop" the Doctor seethed. "There is no power on this Earth that can stop me." He looked at Y/n. "You ready?"

Anger had a vastly different effect on Y/n. Unlike with the Doctor where anger calmed him, anger fueled Y/n. It drove him, energized him. I suppose it was because the Doctor was a man capable of great evil, and therefore a man who had many rules that usually held him back. These rules locked that potential up tight so he could channel it into good things. When he was angry, those rules flew out the window and let him loose so that he had no inhibitions or hesitations. His potential, either good or evil, was at full capacity and would be stopped by no one. Y/n was the exact opposite. He was always calm, always level headed. His mind was a machine, and it flowed smoothly. He never felt the need to lead, only to support and pop in when it was necessary. But when he was angry? Oh, when he was angry, it blinded him and clogged those gears so the machine was stopped. All the energy that usually went into keeping him calm and level headed went into charging his mind to think better and harder, and his body into working faster and going further.

Usually, the Doctor was a man of great power and goodness and when he slipped or needed help, Y/n was there to keep the peace and fill in holes the Doctor had missed and pick up the slack. The Doctor pulled the chariot and Y/n picked up the things that fell out.

Now, Y/n was unhinged and the Doctor was unleashed and neither were about to stop the other. There were only two men on the path of vengeance for someone who had hurt the woman they both loved, and nothing - NOTHING - was going to get in the way of them getting her back.

Y/n smiled. "Always."

So they were off.

They headed out, blazing a trail of fire behind them, headed right back where they'd come from. The sun was up, and Tommy Connolly opened the door to find Y/n and the Doctor. "Tommy," the Doctor said in a voice that left no room for negotiation. "Talk to me." Tommy threw a glance to the inside of the house before coming out, closing the door behind him. "I need to know exactly what happened inside your house."

It was then Mr. Connolly decided to intervene. "What the blazes do you think you're doing?" the pathetic man spat at his son.

"I wanna help, Dad!" Tommy begged weakly.

"Mr. Connolly-" the Doctor began.

And then Mr. Connolly made a huge error. He turned to the Doctor and sneered, "Shut your face, you."

Y/n reacted immediately. He surged forward, ramming Mr. Connolly against the wall of the house. Their noses almost touched, and Y/n practically growled, "I've had enough of you. You think you're bigger than you are and I've had enough of it. You're going to stop intervening and you're going to stop disrespecting your family and the Doctor and myself, and you're going to let your son be helpful like the decent human being he is and you're going to be grateful that Tommy didn't turn out anything like you did, do you understand me?"

There was something in Y/n's eyes. Something that made Mr. Connolly genuinely cower. The Doctor put a hand on Y/n's shoulder and the man backed down immediately, letting Mr. Connolly go. "You don't understand," Mr. Connolly groaned. "You two are ruining everything! I have a position to maintain. People around here respect me. You don't care what people think of you and that's fine, but those successful know that it matters what people think!"

"Is that why you did it, Dad?" All eyes turned to Tommy.

"Did what?" Mr. Connolly asked his voice tinged with panic. "You ratted on Gran," Tommy accused. "How else would the police know where to look? Unless a coward told them."

"How dare you," Mr. Connolly hissed quietly, still beaten down by Y/n's previous actions, but fueled again by Tommy's insult. "You think I fought a war just so a mouthy scum like you  could call me a coward?"

Tommy was having none of that though. "You don't get it do you? You fought against fascism, remember? People telling you how to live. Who you could be friends with. Who you could fall in love with. Who could live and who had to die. Don't you get it? You were fighting so that little twerps like me could do what we want. Say what we want. Now you've become just like them. You've been informing on everyone, haven't you? Even Gran. All to protect your precious reputation!"

"You'll learn, Mr. Connolly," Y/n said in a low voice. "It doesn't matter what OTHER people say or think about you. It matters what your friends and family think. It matters that you go to bed at night with a clear conscious and look at yourself in the mirror and see someone you like. Be honest. Have you been able to look yourself in the eye since you started tell the police where everyone was? Since you betrayed your own family, all so you could look good to what you think people wanted you to be? Cause I can tell you now, no one's going to like you for this. For taking away their family and ratting on them. For making everyone scared in their homes. On their own streets."

"Everyone who matters will appreciate what I did," Mr. Connolly spat defensively.

"So it's true then." The door opened, revealing Mrs. Connolly. Mr. Connolly reached out for her but she pulled away.

"I did it for us, Rita," Mr. Connolly explained, panicking at the betrayed look on the poor woman's face. "She was filthy! A filthy, disgusting thing!"

Y/n took a step back, and then another. He tripped on the second step as he hit the end of the concrete, but was thankfully far enough out of view that no one saw. But he saw. And what he saw... He wished he hadn’t.

"I wish people like that wouldn't go about. It's disgusting."

"Oh look away dear, it means nothing to you."

"It's just gross! Can't they do it somewhere else?"

"They're only holding hands."

"She kissed her cheek!"

"And?"

"And it's not right. I'm trying to spend time with my family. Why can't they be normal? Look, even Y/n looks upset by it."

"Are you upset, Y/n? We can go."

Y/n looked at his parents, feeling small. He was small, but he had never felt small. He'd always quite big, actually. Too big to hide in the spaces he wished he'd fit better in. Too big to run as fast and as far as he wanted to. Too big to fade away and be gone from this moment. Too big, in the middle of a quart yard, feeling like every set of eyes that could see him did. That was how he usually felt. But now... now he felt so small that he was terrified of being stepped on. He looked into his father's eyes, soft but distant. Too far away to reach. Too dislodged to understand. Y/n looked at his mother next. The way she looked at the two women who had eventually felt her stare and looked back, leaving to escape the horrible feeling her nasty glare left under their skin. Y/n wished he could go with them. How could one person hate two people being happy so much that it made one's skin crawl? That it made people run, just with the power of the look in her eyes alone. Why did she feel the need to say anything at all? Why couldn't she be pleasant and far away like dad?

A hand rested on Y/n's shoulder and he was pulled into the present. He looked over at the Doctor, who had a very knowing expression on his face at that moment. They exchanged a look and Y/n nodded, both to recognize that they would talk about it later and that he would be okay until then. For now, they had much more important things to worry about.

With that clear, they both turned their attention back to Tommy and his parents. It seemed Y/n had missed something, as the door was now closed. With the way Mr. Connolly was yelling anguished cries for his wife to open the door, Y/n got the feeling that Mr. Connolly's world had just come crashing down.

"Tommy," the Doctor said, reaching out for the boy. Tommy moved closer to him, and those two, Y/n, and DI Bishop all left Mr. Connolly at the door. They had important business to get to, and Tommy had a lot to catch them up on. As they walked, the Doctor got to business. "Tell me about that night. The night she changed."

As they walked, Tommy watched his feet, trying to remember. "She was just watching the telly," he offered weakly, obviously feeling guilty as not giving what was being looked for. How wrong he was though.

"Rose said it," the Doctor realized. He spun around, eyes shooting to all the different antenna. Too many dishes for this year, this time. "She said it from the start. All these aeriels in one little street. How come?" He settled on looking at Tommy for an answer.

The boy delivered. "The bloke Mr. Magpie. He's selling them up the street?" The Doctor and Y/n looked at each other before taking off, Tommy and the DI pausing only a second before kicking into gear after the Doctor yelled at them. The four made it to Magpie's place, the Doctor breaking the window on the door to reach through and unlock it, pushing inside. The DI actually tried to stop him - which was fair since he was a cop and all -but the Doctor wasn't listening.

The second they were inside, the Doctor was at the desk in a flash, ringing the little desk bell heatedly. "If you're here, come out and talk to me!" the Doctor screamed. "MAGPIE!"

Y/n skipped the desk and went directly behind, searching the whole place for any signs of the man, vengeance in his eyes. Luckily for Magpie, he didn't appear to be in. "No one," Y/n announced as he went back to the front, in answer o the Doctor's heated, questioning gaze.

The Doctor went behind the desk as well, beginning to dig through the drawers for any hints of clues. He was successful as always. "Oh hello," he grumbled, pulling out a sort of portable television, from what it seemed to be. It was rectangular shaped, but almost like an etch-a-sketch, with dials below a blank, dark screen.

Moving to the Doctor's shoulders, Y/n squinted his eyes as he got a better look at the thing. "That's not supposed to be here." Y/n tilted his head. "Not on Earth. Not anywhere near humans. That's too advanced for hundreds of years from now, let alone 1970's or wherever."

In response, the Doctor licked the device. "Tastes like iron." He looked at Y/n. "Bakelite." He put the thing on the counter in front of him, pulling out his sonic screwdriver to scan it. "Put together by human hands, I'll give that. But you're right, the design itself..." The sonic sounded, following by the Doctor making a noise of appreciative surprise. "Oh, beautiful work. That is so simple."

"That's incredible," DI Bishop mused. "It's like a television, but portable. A portable television." Y/n almost smiled at the amazement in his voice. He briefly wondered how the man would react to Netflix.

The thought was derailed as the Doctor lifted the screwdriver to eye level, and tellies began to switch on around them in the room. Each screen was just filled with white static, but the fact that they'd reacted so strongly to the signal in the first place wasn't the greatest of signs. "That's not the only signal in this room," the Doctor told the others. Suddenly the static died and the screens cleared, the static falling away to reveal a bunch of faces. Just faces on dark screens, all sad or scared. Some screaming, some crying, some silently shaking as they looked into a void and tried to find a way out. It was only a few seconds, each clip, and it repeated, so that people were stuck in two or three seconds of utter fear.

Y/n launched forward, eyes scanning each screen frantically until he squatted down, pausing as his hands rested on either side of a screen with the face of a girl screaming one word over and over again. It was Rose, and she was calling for the Doctor. When Y/n felt a presence beside him he scooted over to let the Doctor squat beside him, both men looking at Rose call for help over and over and over again. She looked so afraid, and in the blackness of the screen around her was reflected two expressions. One, the Doctor, whose eyes were full of pain and whose face was lined with love and worry. It was a sad expression, easy and delicate and affectionate. The other face was Y/n's, which was curled in anger. Not like it had been before, where it was hot and unforgiving and hard and terrifying. No, this anger was painful to look at. Like he was about to cry. He reached out a hand and gently touched the screen, wishing he could touch Rose's face and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Next to him, the Doctor reached out a hand too, to touch the other side of the screen that Y/n did. "We're coming," the Doctor promised.

The sound of beads being moved sounded. The same sound that had happened when Y/n had rushed into the back, searching for Magpie. Because there was a curtain of beads in the doorframe-

"What do you think you're doing?" Y/n and the Doctor looked at Magpie at the same time, pain being replaced with that anger from before. Merciless anger that could only be described as wrath.

The Doctor stood, marching toward Magpie with determination, every move fast and full of threat. "I want my friends restored and I think that's beyond a little back street electrician, so tell me, who's really in charge here?" Y/n backed him up, both of them leaning into Magpie who looked downright terrified.

Suddenly there was a voice. "Yoohoo!" It was such a shock because it was a woman's voice. A voice which shouldn't be possible as all men were in the room. Everyone turned to see a new woman on one of the screens. Except she wasn't just a face, she was hair and a body and a dress and arms as well. She sat on the telly as if she was a program, except her smile was too smug and her eyes were too cold. It probably was even more of a give away when she added, "That would probably be me," in what was definitely a response to the Doctor's question. A question she shouldn't be able to hear as she should have been a recording of something that had happened weeks ago. "Ooh," the woman hummed. "This one's smart as paint. And look at his little guard dog, ready to bite." She almost chuckled, the laugh sitting on her face even as the noise didn't come out.

"Is she talking to us?" DI Bishop asked.

"I'm sorry gentleman, I'm afraid you brought this on yourselves," Magpie apologized rather pathetically. "May I introduce you to my new-" he cut off, probably choking as he finished, "Friend." He swallowed and Y/n almost rolled his eyes.

"Truly nice to meet you," the woman on the screen greeted.

"Oh my god it's here," DI Bishop exclaimed. "That woman on the telly."

The Doctor's expression was dark. "No. It's just using her image."

"What?" Tommy asked, dumbfounded and confused. "What are you?" he asked the woman when neither the Doctor nor Y/n responded to his first question.

"I'm The Wire," the not-woman responded. "And I will gobble you up, pretty boy." On instinct Y/n pushed Tommy behind him; Tommy didn't resist. When Tommy was gone, the Wire's eyes moved up to look at Y/n instead. "Every last morsel. And when I have feasted, I shall regain the corporeal body, which my fellow kind denied me." As she spoke, the black and white screen suddenly filled with color, and Y/n realized she was showing off. Threatening and she flexed to show how much power she already had, just from the few people she'd fed off of. From Rose.

"Good lord." DI Bishop's eyes were wide. "Colour television!" Once again, Y/n had to try to not roll his eyes. To these people, that was a miracle.

The Doctor cut in on the moment. "So your own people tried to stop you."

"They executed me," the Wire spat. "But I escaped, in this form and fled across the stars."

"And now you're trapped in the television," the Doctor taunted. At his words, the color on the screen faded and it returned to black and white.

"Not for much longer." Despite her words, it gave Y/n hope to see her color fade. Her show of power had been quite temporary, which meant she was far, far weaker than she was trying to seem. That meant she would be much easy to defeat than she wanted to let on.

"This is what got my Gran?" Tommy asked, hands reaching out to tug on Y/n's sleeve.

Because Tommy was touching him, Y/n responded first. "Indeed. You don't know this yet I don't think, but people's minds work off of electricity. Little shocks all throughout the mind that send messages and information all around so it can power the rest of the body. She traps the minds and feeds off of them, and she does it by sapping away their faces. Ever heard, 'the eyes are the windows to the souls'? Well it's wrong, they're actually the doors, and once you open it it's very hard to close."

Feelings eyes on him, Y/n looked over to see the Doctor was surprised. It didn't last long though as the Doctor looked to Tommy, his anger coming back again as he added, "Problem is, it gorges itself like some great, over-fed pig." His eyes moved back to the Wire, spitting as he continued to get even angrier. "Taking people's faces, their essences, as it stuffs itself." The Wire looked very amused by that and Y/n was almost tempted to step forward and add some nasty words of his own, if Tommy hadn't still been holding onto him, keeping him back.

Probably for the best.

"And you let her do it, Magpie," the DI sneered at the electrician still cowering where the Doctor had left him before.

"I had to! She let me keep my face," Magpie whined. It was like a shark biting you then getting mad when you lashed out. It only made Y/n more angry. "She's promised to release me at the time of manifestation."

"What does that mean?" Tommy demanded.

"The appointed time," the Wire responded evenly. "My crowning glory."

That sentence set off the DI and Y/n at the same time. the DI shouted, "Doctor, the Coronation!" at the same time that Y/n lamented, "Oh my god the Coronation" as he rose a hand to cover his mouth, horrified as he began to realize the Wire's plan.

"For the first time in history, millions gathered round a television set," the Doctor confirmed. He turned smug as he took a step toward the screen. "But you're not strong enough yet, are you?" The Wire seemed to want to say something, but had nothing to throw back. The Doctor was right. "You can't do it all from here. That's why you need this!" He held up the screen from earlier, which Y/n only now realized he'd been carrying around the entire time. "You need something more powerful. This will turn a big transmitter into a big receiver."

"What a clever thing you are," the Wire sarcastically congratulated. "But why fret about it? Why not just relax? Kick off your shoes and enjoy the coronation. Believe me, you'll be glued to the screen."

"Well obviously we wouldn't-" But he didn't get to finish his sentence, because before Y/n could quip out a snarky response, suddenly there was a bright light and his whole body was beginning to ache. Slowly, starting at his fingers and toes, a sort of sharp numbness began to spread through his body. Began to eat at him, but by bit, until he was consumed. It never did get all of him, but even when the numbness faded and the world should have come back into view, that bright white light didn't go away. Y/n closed his eyes and felt a sort of fuzzy distance, but that white light didn't go anywhere. It was just muffled a little behind his eyelids.

For a while, Y/n didn't want to look. There was a fear in his heart that kept his eyes very closed. The white light wasn't too bright to look at or painful or consuming, it was just... terrifying. There was something that told him if he opened his eyes, he would see something terrible.

Unfortunately, Y/n was a companion of the Doctor. He maybe even had a little bit of what made the Doctor so wonderful and fantastic and brave inside of him, put there by experiences and memories that weren't his. Things that made people on such a deep level; mistakes and terrors. Things more terrible than some stupid white light could scare him with. So he opened his eyes, and he saw. And it was just as terrible as he thought it would be.

Suddenly he sucked in a breath and shot up into a sitting position, scrambling away from the wall of TV screens. He was breathing heavily, head spinning and heart racing. He looked around and saw DI Bishop, who was much more still but who seemed a little jarred himself. Though I suppose, no one was as upset by the experience just had as Y/n was. The Wire placated her victims, holding them in a cocoon of disconnection. Uncomfortable, but not upsetting. Not anything like what Y/n had just seen.

The door to Magpie's shop opened and the Doctor was there, eyes finding Y/n with an expression that was a mix of victory and worry. The worry grew as the Doctor realized Y/n seemed to be in a far more stable state than the Detective had been, which he didn't seem surprised about. Kneeling down, the Doctor placed a hand on Y/n's shoulder. "What happened?"

Y/n swallowed. "She took my face."

Even before the Doctor spoke, Y/n knew that was wrong though. "No, she didn't. You were fine. She was focused on the detective, and hadn't gotten to you, me, or Tommy yet. But when I got Tommy to wake up you just... lay there." He swallowed. "I thought you might have died."

At that, Y/n gave the only reassurance he could. "Well you and I both know that's not the case."

The Doctor nodded. "Right so. Stay here, I'll be back." He went and got Tommy, and then the four men - reunited again - all moved out of the shop. Shakily, as Y/n seemed to be having a hard time staying on his feet. Finally though, with a little help from Tommy, they managed to get Y/n out of the shop and down the street to head back to where all of the people who'd been taken were. If this was one of those happy endings, everyone would be back to normal. And considering Rose was one of them... well, they all had fingers crossed.

It didn't take long. They got far enough that Y/n only needed a little help from Tommy, and they moved a lot faster. They turned a corner, and saw a crowd of people surging out of the place where all the Wire's victims had been held. Y/n recognized a few body shapes and hair colors and outfits. Everyone was fine, just as they'd hoped. With the Wire gone, all consciousness had been returned to their bodies and people were in great condition. Well, good condition. Y/n was sure there might be some emotional damage. Disassociation was detrimental enough, without your very being being fed on.

But anyway, that wasn't the important thing. The important thing was that everyone was more or less completely fine. Which meant-

"Gran!" Tommy explained.

Tommy went to run, but paused as Y/n was still leaning on him. The man leaned away from the boy, waving him on. "I'll be fine. You go." With that, Tommy was gone. Y/n stayed where he was, leaning against the wall, afraid if he leaned off he might collapse. But then he saw Rose. He saw the Doctor surging toward her grinning face, and he felt his own body moving as well. Despite his worries about his current state of being, Y/n pushed off the wall and headed over as well. He was proud of himself for only limping a little bit.

Rose and the Doctor had the cutest reunion hug, and Y/n approached them as they parted. There was a grin on his face as he said, "All good now?"

"More than," Rose agreed. She hugged Y/n next, jumping in surprise as he groaned in pain. She leaned back much quickly, worry on her face as it had been on the Doctor's earlier, and was again. "Are you okay? You seem... hurt. What did you let happen to him?" She shot this at the Doctor, who was about to defend himself when Y/n did it for him.

"I just didn't handle the TV sucking my mind out of my body as well as you did," he tried to dismiss. "Really I'm fine. We fell after we got all zapped. I might have just landed wrong, really. Lots of different reasons, none of them anything you need to worry about." He reached up both hands, holding Rose's face. She was taken aback by the look in his eyes when he looked at her now. Like they hadn't seen each other in years, or he had believed he'd never see her again. To be fair, after the events of today, it was a fair look for one to have. "I love you. Have I said that recently?"

Rose cocked an eyebrow. "No partic-" Y/n kissed her, cutting her off. The kiss was hard and desperate and full of emotion that rocked her to her core. Rose felt her head rush and her heart race and her body shivered a bit before she registered the way he was holding her face. He was gripping it. Clinging to her like if she let go, she'd be gone forever. When they parted, she realized he was crying. "Y/n, are you sure you're okay?" She whispered, reaching a hand up to wipe the tear.

"Yeah." His voice cracked though, so it was quite unconvincing. "I'm just... I'm so glad you're okay, Rose. I really, really am." He stroked her cheek. "I'm never letting anything like that happen to you ever again."

She almost told him that he couldn't control what happened to her in this life of theirs, but Rose got the feeling that if she did, he might break down. So she just nodded and smiled and reassured, "Of course you will. You and the Doctor would never let anything really terrible happen to me. We're gonna be together forever, the three of us."

That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. "Right," Y/n weakly agreed. He turned away, collecting himself. "Forever." His eyes moved across the crowd. "I think we deserved a bit of celebration. Come on!" And suddenly he was perfectly fine. Every few steps he winced just a little, but his smile was wide and his eyes were cleared. Like he had never been upset or hurt at all. The Doctor had been silent and nervous, constantly looking at Y/n again and again, but eventually the celebration got to even him and they were all forgetting their troubles and having a great time. Together again and inseparable.

For now.

Amidst all the fun, they ran into Tommy again and the Doctor gave his scooter as a present. It was a nice moment, but quickly messed up by Tommy seeing his dad again. Mr. Connolly seemed to be packed and suited up. Going somewhere. Leaving. "Good riddance," Tommy mumbled, face torn with hate.

"Is that it then, Tommy?" The Doctor asked, turning to watch Mr. Connolly go as well. "New monarch, new age, new world. No room for a man like Eddie Connolly."

"That's right," Tommy confirmed solidly. "He deserves it."

Rose leaned closer to the young boy. "Tommy, go after him."

Y/n cut in right there. "Never ever feel pressure to forgive someone who has abused you." He looked right at Tommy, and the Doctor and Rose went silent. "You are never required to let that person back into your life and don't you let anyone say otherwise." Y/n cleared his throat, his voice softening. "You should forgive him. If you don't, that anger you feel right now? It'll stay there inside you forever, and it'll turn you into him one day. You can't let it. You're too good to let someone else's mistakes ruin your future like that. You deserve better. And... you can give him another chance if you want. You can. But understand something: losing a parent is terrible. It sucks and it hurts, and it leaves a hole in your life forever. But that hole will always stay the size it is when that person leaves your life. Letting someone like your dad back in cold just widen that hole. Make it worse. Hurt it more. I'm not saying he will make it worse or he hasn't learned better. You can go after him, and that's your choice, and you're allowed to do that." Y/n reached out, placing his hand on Tommy's shoulder. "But you can't save him Tommy. Not from himself. You can't save anyone from themselves. You have to prioritize yourself and keep yourself safe first. So if you go after him, go because you want to. Not because he'll be sad or lonely or you think he needs you. Okay?"

Tommy had a very soft look on his face. One full of relief. Y/n's words had lifted a large burden off of his shoulders, and he nodded, smiling. "Thank you, Y/n. I... God, thank you."

Y/n smiled. "You're very welcome." With that, Tommy left the group. He walked back to his house, hesitated, and then did go after his dad. Y/n smiled to himself. "What a good lad."

"Very good," Rose agreed. But when Y/n looked over, she was looking at him, not Tommy.

Looking at his hands, Y/n cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off I just-"

"No," Rose rushed to reassure. "You were right. I forget, sometimes... that not having a dad. It's not the worse thing that can happen to you. Sometimes it's better." She swallowed. "I was lucky to have a good dad. And an even better mum." At that, she pulled Y/n's chin so their eyes met. "I never properly apologized to you. For what happened in the parallel world. I pushed you to forgive her, and you knew from the beginning you shouldn't. She really hurt you and I pushed you to get there so she could."

Y/n shook his head and then wrapped his arm around her shoulder, tucking her into his side. Her arms went around his middle to hug him, her cheek resting against his chest. "It's not your fault, Rose. It's hers. Don't you dare blame yourself for that." The Doctor moved closer, using the table behind them and his body to block the view as he took Y/n's hand.

"All that matters if we're safe and together," the Doctor finalized.

And for now, that was true enough.

-

Story Tag List: @e-reads-fics​ @shoochi​

Male reader taglist: @sheepfather​

[xomarauders]

part four!!! read the whole thing here on ao3!!

tw: depictions of violence

—

Euphemia was trying to be a good hostess. She was trying to offer tea and light conversation, but the shakiness of her hands as she poured the kettle and the quiver of her lip gave away her worry. James stared at her, wishing he could offer some help but he was vibrating out of his own skin as it was. Remus and his mother had arrived just a few hours ago, having used the floo network despite Hope’s wariness of stepping into the green flames without her wizard of a husband to reassure her it was safe. Remus was nearly sitting on top of James, their arms touching and knees knocking together, neither of them being able to sit comfortably together on the small sofa chair now that they were practically grown. They both sat, waiting, feeling absolutely useless as Fleamont made calls in his study to anyone who could possibly help.

“Would you like any cream in your tea, Hope?” Euphemia asked.

“No, thank you. Sugar is fine.”

“Remus? Tea?”

“I’m okay, Mrs. Potter.”

“Mia is fine, dear.”

They became silent once more. James was becoming more and more impatient. He should be doing something. He should be at the Black’s home in London, pounding on the door and demanding to see Sirius. He shouldn’t be sitting there with the possibility of his friend being hurt hanging above his head. Sirius wouldn’t hesitate to look for James, to look for any of them. Sirius would rather die than abandon his friends.

James felt like an awful friend.

His thoughts of self-loathing were interrupted by a knock on the door. Remus froze next to him, his entire body tensing with anticipation of who it could be. Euphemia was up before anyone else could move, hurrying towards the entry way as if her life depended on it—as if Sirius life depended on it. When the large door swung open, it revealed a young woman with long, dark hair, skin like porcelain and vaguely familiar eyes. Rushing up the steps behind her was a young man with a much tanner complexion and a mess of curly hair a top his head. He was carrying something in a blanket. Or rather, someone.

“He kept muttering about the Potters,” The girl started, her voice wobbly as Euphemia ushered her inside. James was out of his seat, as well as Remus, when they noticed the unconscious figure in the man’s arms was Sirius. He was pale, deathly so, with a smattering of colorful bruises covering him. Most of him was being shielded by the thick quilt he had been wrapped in, but from what the two boys could tell, their friend had been through hell.

“We found him on the side of the road,” The girl was still talking, her voice almost too fast to keep up with, “We didn’t—Regulus, he wrote to me. I didn’t know he could still write to me, but he told me Sirius was gone and at first I wasn’t sure if I believed him, I thought perhaps it was a trick, but Ted and I went to search for him anyway and he was—Gods—there was so much blood. I didn’t know what to do, we had to take Dora to Ted’s parents because she just kept crying when she saw him and I—”

“Andy, slow down. You’re going to pass out.” The man—Ted—said, his voice much calmer. James looked between the two of them, realizing with a jolt that this was Sirius’ cousin, Andromeda. Sirius had spoken about her a few times and had mentioned how she had been disowned from the family for falling in love with a muggleborn. The resemblance between Andromeda and Sirius wasn’t identical, but still there in the expressions she made and the sharpness of her cheeks.

“Here, put him on the table.” Euphemia said, helping Ted lay Sirius on the now cleared off kitchen table. James stole a glance at Remus who was hovering in the doorway with a shocked look on his face, as if he couldn’t believe it was his friend lying there in a mess of his own blood. Fleamont came in, followed by Hope who must’ve been the only one who had thought to inform Fleamont of the current circumstances occurring in his home.

“Jesus Christ,” Hope mumbled, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as tears sprung into her eyes. It was as if her reaction triggered something in Remus because suddenly, he was lurching forward, smacking his knees against the kitchen tile and grasping towards Sirius. He was screaming, but James couldn’t decipher what the words were exactly—probably desperate plea for Sirius to be okay, the same one that was threatening to crawl up James’ own throat.

Andromeda grabbed hold of Remus, his head tucking against her shoulder as he wailed and James stood shell-shocked. He didn’t know what to do in situations like this. He couldn’t offer any comfort; he couldn’t even move. If he moved, he’d be on the floor just like Remus was and he couldn’t do that right now. He just couldn’t. Instead, he directed his gaze back towards his mother and Ted. They were working furiously, with Ted peeling away the remainder of Sirius’ shirt from his body while Euphemia cast as many healing spells as she could. Hope appeared in the mix at some point with damp cloths, dabbing away at the blood across Sirius’ body and Fleamont excused himself to make more calls, specifically to Dumbledore and the auror office.

Please wake up, Padfoot, James thought to himself. Please.

A gurgled cough came in response as Sirius’ body convulsed. His eyes fluttered open and for a moment, they were full of nothing but pure terror and fear. He screamed as Ted went to touch him before realizing that it wasn’t his father. Remus was still sobbing in Andromeda’s arms, though Sirius didn’t seem to notice anyone else was in the room aside from Ted.

“Sirius,” James finally spoke, his voice sounding much more broken than he thought it would.

Sirius looked toward him, eyes widening and tears spilling down his cheeks.

“James.”

[bigmafluff]

Unreal Love Story “Henry Cavill” chapters 1-3

Sequel To My Story “Tom Hiddleston”

Summery

“ Tom Dear ! She is gone!” His mother says when her son barges thru her front door. Diana Hands a sobbing Charlie to His Stunned father Leading  them into the house to a computer sitting @ her kitchen table with a flash drive in it.    Just as Tom is about to say something . His Mom hush's them both and starts the video.   I start with calming Charlie through the computer.  “ Hello Little one . I'm am sorry I have to leave you so. But You are a strong young man . Sometimes even stronger than your father at times. Just know that I love you dear one and will always be your special friend . Now dry those tears and Go see Nanna . So Your dad and I can talk.” I said to Charlie thru the computer. Tom Knew after that our relationship was over maybe had been over for a while.

Chapter 1 

Numbness,& NASCAR

I couldn't Stay in London. It hurt too much all I saw was pain. I couldn't go home yet still felt like I failed myself some how so home wouldn't work. So I numbed myself out in Cali.   I did what I swore I wouldn't. I went full Party Girl. Between the parties ,clubs, Bars I was wasted most of the time.  But I knew that being In Love Like this before then Losing love has it's down side . Tom and I had been it for 3 years. But towards the end I was more His son's nanny than his girlfriend . Most of his friends warned me this was one sided . He never got over Sophia Di Marino ,Charlie's Mom. The split was Mutual. I'm Not mad to be truthful. Annoyed really that I let it go on this long ..

So California I went , to numb the hurt. I don't give a rat's ass what they say about better to have Loved crap ! It still hurt's dammit!  So Party Shannon I became. I still wrote my stories without impairment. By day I was the mildly hungover writer coffee in hand . Luca was still Daydreaming so I was still writing. But @ night Let's just say in the great words of Bill & Ted .” Party on Dudes” So I did. Shaking my ass Beer in hand in a club in south beach !  Rockin' out to Pink. I am vaguely aware I am Jamming with a rather large Englishmen Go Figure ! He has a familiar tone I can't place ,frankly all I see is curls ,beard & muscle , Cause I'm too drunk and don't care but he was hot and can grind Like no other. But even though I was no lady ,he was a gentleman And at the end of the night I was in my Hotel room clothes and dignity intact.

Woke the next morning with another hangover that I never use to get when I was younger. They still Suck! UGH! I'm about to start typing when I get a feed from TMZ. “TWH PROPOSES TO SDM!” I switch on my TV and sure enough The rock on her finger is massive and Charlie Looks so Happy .   The numbness lifts along with the pain . I can see the sun again so I finally pack my stuff .

But not for England . I head home. I decide I need time with my son . So Arkansas, Hot Springs that is.  Although when I get there I find out my son is in Florida . In Daytona Beach. At the Racetrack!  My nephew Christian and his wife Kiki took Lucas to a NASCAR race and Somehow Lucas Landed a job as head mechanic for Carlos Contreras's race team. Shocked as I was,  I get on a flight to Florida it is a good shocked but WOW.  I got a Hotel room and then went to the track . Took me a little convincing to get in  . Security walked me to the Pit where I found my baby boy covered in grease. Under a car . When Lucas jumped up and hugged me they left us alone . test moment's in a parent's life is seeing your child seceded at something he loves. This was Lucas's dream !Like writing is for me. It was his turn. Lucas Introduced me to Carlos with sparkles in his eyes . Carlos seemed to Like what My  Son does. Even tells me that Because of my Boy, Carlos has won 8 races. How more proud can I get I am in tears.  While I was here I went to a few races and Lucas and I raided the theme parks. Then one night Lucas had a grown up moment and told me I had to go back to the U.K.. He said I write my best stuff there and I need to make peace with Myself. How did my Autistic Son get so smart. Then he tells me. He is a big Guy now and He didn't need his Mom to hover.

Chapter 2

Something New

So once I'm back in London. I dust off My flat that Luke made sure I got despite me moving in with Tom. Besides writing, a few friend's gave me the intro to the London night life and I found a outlet to unwind . But I didn't drown myself like in Cali. But I still maintained my Party Mama status. Also I am exercising regularly, to compensate for the Night life . But I found that I have way's now that I am Back to make exercising fun. I do the Gym of course. But I also like rollerskating in Hyde or St. James park, when it's sunny. I found a Ice Skating rink that is 7 day's a week.  And there is a indoor pool at the Gym I go to. .

But I realized some things while I was home in the states. I can't ever forget where I came from . So I pay it forward to 4 special organizations for charity and I never write them off my taxes . I went back to church I actually found a Nazarene church in the U.K. Honestly Church is what keeps me semi sober in the clubs on Friday and Saturday. No hangovers in Gods house .So I have been busy. By maintaining the order of my life like I did way before when My soul purpose was being a MOM. God, Family Friends career is a new addition but not that high on the list.  

I found a way to keep myself going .My heart has even healed to a point and I am actually making good friends with “ The Hiddleston “ I can't even comprehend The fact that Sophia took Tom's name . I didn't think her agent's would let her do that. Any how I Am officially Aunty Shannon to Charlie and he even still talks to Lucas and they talk cars regularly according to Tom. As for right now though I'm actually doing more than writing I am at The Harold Pinter theater in London as a Producer and assistant to Kenneth Branaugh the director of a play Based on one of my fan fiction stories .  It's a Vampire Love story with a family twist.  No Not Twilight no blood sucking fairies here. But what has me excited is the cast . Tom is in it along a whole bunch of my fave idol's Including Henry Cavill as the male lead. . OK! I fibbed Kenny doesn't need me the whole time so I am writing when I am not teaching Charlie Who is acting for the first time. Tom is One Proud Papa! I will tell you what. And Charlie Looks like he is having a wonderful time despite playing a Girl demon!

also I do have a little Mystery of my own I am trying to solve. Every morning when I get to work. Yes I'm getting paid for this production. I go to my seat and drink my coffee but I find a different colored long stem lily in the seat . I asked Tom. If Charlie was doing it and I even ask Ken. None said It was them. Both even offered to investigate with me . Saying they have a little experience because they played P.I.'s

I was actually flattered I had an admirer. I just hope I won't regret taking the Lily more seriously. Anyway The play is gearing up for opening night I called Lucas's aide Reed to Se if He will be able to be in London for my Play . Which If it does well it will head to the States and go on Broadway.  Now tell me if that ain't totally awesome. I.K.R.  We as far as my Book's are concerned Luca start's Middle School. So Social interaction and puberty mixes in with his amazing world which should make for a wild ride for our readers. My honorary nephew is even reading them which make's my heart sing  Oh! So I don't leave it out my lily was Aquamarine and silk today not real but it had a pink bow and it sparkled . He-he! Who ever this is knows I like things that sparkle. It makes me giddy.

Opening Night!!!!

My Lucas is here . Looking Just Like he did Prom Night When he took my god daughter to the prom. My boy is So handsome. Lucas has been working out so My lucas is Tall and Jacked thanks to His Buddy Phillip Hull. We get to ride in a Limo It will be Lucas's first time in one. Me! I'm In all Red  Long red hair with a touch of gray at the temple and proud of it. A Long Jessica rabbit dress that sparkles in the light. Red flat's I ain't that crazy . It's gonna be a long night and I am in my 50's   Heels are not in the program. I had red cloves and a red silk Shaw. I felt amazing and all my boy could say is Wow mama Look Pretty! LOL! I am also excited not only for the play but according to the Little note I got with My Red Rose that was sitting in my seat on the last day of practice. I get to meet my admirer tonight too

So Lucas and I are off Lucas is Like a school boy Looking around and he is also a little nervous. I can tell he Keeps Playing with his collar and tie. I made sure Luke had a pair of ear buds and his fave music in a MP3. And sunglasses to help with Lucas's experience. Plus so he doesn't have to deal with the red carpet stuff Reed is here so Lucas will be with me only for a few pictures then Reed  will take him inside while I deal with the popularity this sold out play has caused . New York here we come!!!!!!

  Lucas went inside as planned. And Luke is by my side in his place as my escort. Luke felt I shouldn't be alone. Because of the split and Tom's marriage. Even though Tom and I are cool talking about and he is even here with Taylor so I'm cool. I was having lot's of fun taking little interview's and pictures and such. Luke always said I was surprisingly  easy going in the lime light and it shows tonight. `Sophia , Ken and I had some fun with the photo people and Kissed Each side of Tom's cheeks while he was trying to pic up Kenneth, then we Bent down to Kiss Ken's cheeks when Tom dropped him on his butt ,our booties where purposely in the air.  Let's Just say we made Kenny's night! I was all in good fun  Tom told me that Charlie was inside with new Hot wheels car's to show Lucas cause they are NASCAR ones.

Finishing up the pictures and fixing to go inside I was about to give up hope on there being an admirer. When I went to take one last. Picture, Henry Cavill came to Join me in the picture and whispered in my ear to Look down, as he grabbed my waist for the picture . I did. And their was a pink Lily and a white rose in his hand tied in a pink bow. Let's Just say that pic had my mouth hanging open and Henry laughing as we went in to the theater.  Let the new dance begin.

Lois Lane never Got Superman this way Ha! 

Chapter 3

Don't jump! One moment @ a Time.

As far as the play went it was as major success. I couldn't pay attention at all . I was staring at Henry the whole time In awe of all of this.As far as I was concerned it was like I had never tasted this before . I won't lie, it scares the shit out of me .  I was a ball of nerves the whole play . It was Thomas all over again. @ least that was what I thought. Until Henry asked if I would sign a book for is Nephews Daughter who has Down syndrome. I was politely surprised . He then introduced himself to my Son. Which Lucas can recognize any actor who has ever played a Superhero or villain . Henry was one of our faves. He asked if we wanted to grab a bite to eat . Lucas always could eat. Even in his 30's endless Belly! Can you see 3 adult's in fancy dress in Mc. Donald's. I Loved it Because Henry took the liberty to date Lucas first. To me that Mc. Donald's was 5 stars. The Limo dropped 2 very full and sleepy men at My son's Hotel.  I was sparkling in happiness. We pulled up in front of my flat but Henry wouldn't let me out yet. I think he wants to talk . So naturally I listened. 

fore I could even say anything He Quieted me and held my hand .  Baby Blues connected. Then he spoke. “ Shannon I know what you went through with Hiddleston. I grilled him after meeting you . Actually I'm kinda surprised he didn't rat me out. Story for another time. Now that you understand my intent. I want time. Time to know you. Also before you get nervous, will it help If I got permission from Lucas to date you and Charlie Hiddleston second's the permission. I'm normally a prideful Man But Shannon something inside Tell's me I am supposed to started something new with You. I want get to know you Date you proper. If anything let's see where it goes. Even if we don't connect more personally . We can at least catch a grind to a tune and groove like buddies”.

My breath hitch because I just realize that dude I was grinding with in California at that club. The English Dude. That was Henry!!!!! He notices my blush and Shakes his head showing me the bracelet. I smack his shoulder Laughing my Blush off. Then I told him I am willing to try and if all else fails Partying in New York won't get boring . Then he kissed my Palm and let me out . I gave him my # and told him to give me a call when he was ready to try. The Limo waited till I was Inside. But instead of Leaving The door opened and Henry came running up to me . Grabbed my waist, pulled me close and Kissed me.  We exploded!!!!

Hand in Hand at JFK airport Henry and I go straight to the Hotel .  No Not for that .  We came early so Henry  could as he says Court me proper. LOL!   There is nothing I'd rather do the then run all over NYC for the first time with Henry. I have jumped in fully no comparing to any other love . This is true Eros and I'm going with the flow. That was our agreement for each  other  the next morning after the Play. To Just Love & enjoy till the fluffy lady quits singing.

I exploded because of SuperMan!

{None of this story is real the pic are from Googles images !!!!!!!!!!!!}

[elshopper]

Cure for a Blue Christmas

Wow, y’all, it is a Christmas miracle. For I have written something. I hope you enjoy. 

WC: 2.9k

Ao3 link coming soon.

December 25, 1986 Somewhere North of Bloomington, Indiana

“By the way, I loved the way you told dad to shove it,” Nancy said, glancing over to her brother in the passenger seat.

Mike was right in the middle of fiddling with the radio dial now that Hawkins Best Hits was out of range. Every station was either annoying Christmas music or old standards or weird nighttime talk shows. He sighed.  

“Yeah, I’m going to get a lot of shit for that one when we get home,” he said, finally settling on whatever station that was currently playing that one Christmas song about the kids in Africa that he decided he could tolerate.

“He was asking for it,” Nancy replied, both her hands steady on the wheel. “He was just being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.” 

It had been a rather frustrating Christmas in the Wheeler household. Their mother had been tapped to host the whole family this year, and she was at her wits end this morning - pulling endless breakfast casseroles out of the oven only to be immediately devoured and criticized by extended family members.

Mike had to share his room with his cousins, Richie and Timothy, who were too annoying to bunk in the basement with the older cousins. Nancy got a room to herself, and Mike had carefully maneuver around the bodies sleeping on his floor if he wanted to get to the bathroom. 

Holly was being particularly bratty, too. Mike’s grandmother was being especially critical of his mom, following her around the house and making comments about the table setting this and the Christmas ham that. His dad was flipping through classical holiday films (ironically about the value of family and unconditional love) while making exactly zero contributions from his recliner in the den. 

To top it all off, due to the Wheeler family Christmas nightmare occurring under their roof, Mike and Nancy had to back out of their promises to drive down to Allendale to visit the Byers on Christmas Day because “we have to entertain the family, Michael,” which was just stupid and hypocritical of him to even say on account of the fact that Mr. Wheeler had been doing zilch the entire shitty three days.

When the family finally left that afternoon, Mike and Nancy made a point to help their mother start up loads of laundry and clean up in the kitchen before asking very very nicely if they could make the trip anyway. 

“The family’s gone now, and we could give you some time to just relax…” Nancy pitched, her fingers drumming on their kitchen island. “I promise we’ll be back tomorrow morning. First thing.” 

Mrs. Wheeler squinted her eyes and hummed to herself, saying something about being careful driving in the dark before she shouted into the den for Mr. Wheeler’s approval. 

“No, Karen, tell the kids they can stay right here,” he yelled back. “Need to have a little family time.” 

Nancy, who had been doing most of the negotiating with their mother, rolled her eyes, but something about his dad’s whole schtick of being a lazy ass-wipe made something that had been building and building in Mike finally snap. 

“Family time? You’re shitting me, family time?!” Mike raised his voice a little and headed into the den.

“Language, Michael...” 

“All you’ve done is sit on your ass while we’ve been absolutely drowning in family time for three whole days!” 

His dad’s eyes finally - for the first time in probably days - moved over from the TV to look at his kids standing defiantly in the doorframe. Mike went on.

“So if you don’t mind, Nancy and I are going to go for the night to go see our friends - who we never get to spend any time with, by the way!” 

He crossed the room for the coat rack by the door and threw his coat on. To his surprise, Nancy followed and grabbed the keys off the hook by the door. 

“Michael, if you walk out that door, you’re grounded,” Ted retorted. “Same goes for you Nancy.” 

“Great! I’m fine with that! Maybe then we’ll get that family time I’ve been hearing so much about!” 

They were they had already thrown some overnight bags in the car, because with one slam of the front door for emphasis, Mike was finally on the way to see his girlfriend. 

They decided to make their arrival a surprise, and the excitement of that prospect was slowly beginning to overshadow the seething anger towards his dad. 

“I know Jonathan said he and Will were going to be at Lonnie’s today,” Nancy started, “but they’re coming back tonight. Maybe we’ll beat them home.” 

“Yeah maybe,” Mike said. “I know El said she’s just staying in with Mrs. Byers. She sounded kind of bummed about it, though.” 

“Well, maybe this will cheer everyone up,” Nancy said, before turning up the volume on the radio.

Allendale, Illinois 

Now get this, it’s from London. “Mr. Gower cabled you need cash. Stop. My office instructed to advance you up to $25,000. Stop. Hee-haw and Merry Christmas. Sam Wainwright.” 

El closed the door to the oven, and sauntered back over to the couch. Joyce was sitting in one corner, legs drawn up under a throw blanket, while she worked on sewing a button back on one of Jonathan’s old shirts so Will could wear it. 

“Okay the cookies are in,” El said, but Joyce’s eyes stayed fixated on the television. They had been watching It’s a Wonderful Life on channel 5, and it was one of Joyce’s favorite holiday films. Despite the majority of the movie being… sort of depressing, El was glad she was here to spend time with Joyce who would otherwise be alone on the holiday. 

They had spent the afternoon just like this - cleaning up around the house, finishing up mundane chores, and baking here and there. Even though she was fairly new at it, El actually wasn’t half bad at following the recipes in Joyce’s family cookbook. Often, she was learning, numbers made more sense to her than words. 

Jonathan and Will had driven up to Indiana after opening morning presents to spend some “quality time” with their father and stepmother. Joyce had insisted (albeit, reluctantly) once she discovered they hadn’t gone to see them in over a year. El had never met him, but he didn’t sound all that pleasant when Will brought him up on occasion... kind of like he was inconvenienced by the fact that he had kids in the first place. 

Kind of like a grade-A asshole, as Dustin would proudly put it. 

She hadn’t even seen an old picture of him and Joyce anywhere in the old photo albums. She knew they had been married, but were now divorced, so it was just Joyce now. Taking care of her sons, and now the daughter that she never meant to have. 

Last Christmas had been great - wonderful even - because it was her first time back in Hawkins since the big move a couple months prior. Despite absolutely dreading the cold, El loved the holiday season now that she got to be a part of it - all Mrs. Wheeler’s pies and nicely wrapped gifts and the smell of pine trees and mistletoe... 

This year, the Byers clan had stayed behind. Mrs. Wheeler had to host the family for Christmas, and that apparently meant that Mike couldn’t even come visit - not even for a few hours. 

He had sounded so bummed about it over the phone, but promised to send her present in the mail once the holiday rush ended. He even called her this morning to wish her a Merry Christmas, and tell her that the holiday didn’t feel right without her being home. It was nice of him, but it just made her feel more gloomy about the whole thing. It was a joyful time of year for most, but El couldn’t be with all of her favorite people. 

On the TV, the Bailey household erupted in a spirited rendition of Hark! The Herald Angels Sing as all the townspeople showed up to give George their donations and Joyce’s eyes were getting a little misty. 

Joyful all ye nations rise! Join the triumph of the skies!

“This part always makes me cry, every single time!” Joyce said, using the fabric of Jonathan’s shirt to dab at her eyes. “Oh, look at me.”  

Hark! The herald angels sing… 

“I like this movie too,” El said, reaching for a hand full of popcorn from the bowl on the coffee table. “It’s sweet.” 

“You’ve seen this movie before?” 

“Yes…” El started. “Two Christmases ago I think. But I didn’t really understand it then. Now it all makes more sense.” 

She didn’t want to touch on a sore subject if Joyce didn’t want to talk about it - especially this time of year, so she didn’t go into detail about how Hopper had turned it on one snowy evening in December 1984 and cracked a beer open before telling her to pay attention because this was one of the greatest films of all time. She could practically hear him…

“...Now I used to sit on the couch with my old man and watch this movie every single Christmas.” Hopper said, “It’s about being thankful for what you’ve got and that you’re never alone in the world if you’re a good person… you know… cheesy stuff like that...” 

It was in black and white and she didn’t know what all the yelling was about, but El liked it because Hopper seemed to. She thought George’s life was interesting and she thought his wife Mary was really pretty. She asked Hopper to find her a dress just like Mary’s to wear to the big dance she was invited to the following week and he had said “Jesus, kid, I don’t think they make ‘em like that anymore…” 

A small smile crept across El’s face. 

Good idea Ernie, a toast! To my big brother George. The richest man in town. 

“Did Hop turn it on for you before he would go to the station?” Joyce asked. 

“No, actually he sat down to watch with me.” El said, “He didn’t do a great job of explaining anything, but he wanted me to see it for some reason.” 

“Well, everyone should see It’s a Wonderful Life. It’s one of the greatest films of all time!”

The crowd on the screen erupted in another joyful tune and Joyce started humming along.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?              

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?

Then a note from Clarence the angel appeared on the screen, and it was El’s turn to feel tears pinch the back of her eyes. 

“Remember, no man is a failure who has friends!” the note read in beautiful swooping cursive.

El had been trying to keep a smile on her face all day for Joyce, but she missed her friends so much she thought she might burst.

She and Will called them on the phone as often as they could, but of course it wasn’t the same. They knew they were missing the making of memories, and as hard as it was, El couldn’t help but feel jealous that everyone in Hawkins all still had each other. 

She and Will would talk with Lucas who would tell them some outlandish stories about something Max got up to or Steve said or Mike did in school. Then, they would give Dustin a call for the real story. Max would complain to her about being ‘surrounded by idiots’ and fill her in on the most recent fight Mike picked with Lucas over something stupid and El would call him after just to check on him. Out of everyone, Mike probably took it the hardest with his best friend and his girlfriend both leaving town all at once.  

She was glad she had Will sulk and feign happiness with sometimes. She could tell he felt the same as she did, that they were kind of incomplete without everyone. Jonathan was busy with work and college courses, and was planning to transfer to be closer to Nancy next year now that he’d saved up enough, so the reality of the move hadn’t hit him as hard because he had just a little more freedom.

“When you go through all that, I think the people you’re with end up being your family, like it or not,” Will said to her once. “I don’t feel like I can let anyone else in. It’s just us, you know? And most of our family is about a four hour drive away.” 

To make matters worse, when Mike and Nancy cancelled, El’s teeny ounce of excitement about the holidays vanished. 

It was just… lonely. And El knew Joyce was pretty lonely too. Joyce’s parents were originally from Allendale, but her extended family had all moved or passed away before El was ever around. She just moved her children back somewhere familiar where she was fairly sure there weren’t any secret government conspiracies at work beneath the surface. Since El hadn’t had the use of her powers in over a year, there wasn’t a lot to hide except for the past. 

“I love this song,” Joyce said, humming along with the melody and snapping El back to the present. 

For auld lang syne, my dear

For auld lang syne

The words sounded like absolute gibberish to El. 

“What does ‘old hang sign’ mean anyway?” El asked. 

“Auld Lang Syne,” Joyce replied. “It’s in another language - Scottish, maybe? I’m not sure exactly what it means, but you sing it on New Years Eve.” 

“Why on New Years Eve?”

“Because it's a time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future… I guess it means that you’re thankful for everything you have and the people in your life and the experiences you’ve had so far, but you’re looking to the future for better things.” 

El nodded. 

“Kind of hard to look back and be thankful,” El muttered. 

Look daddy. Teacher says, ‘Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.’ 

She felt Joyce turn on the couch to face her. 

“Oh, honey, I’m thankful! If I didn’t have you, I’d be spending Christmas Eve alone,” she said as she wrapped one arm around El’s shoulders. “And the world would be a much sadder place.” 

“Thanks,” El said, fiddling with the hem on her sweatshirt. “It’s hard though.” 

“You’re right, but you have to try your hardest to see the good in life…”

Atta boy, Clarence!

Just then, the oven dinged that the cookies were ready, and El hopped up to grab them. She was setting the cookie sheet on the stove when she saw a pair of headlights pulling into the driveway.   

“Looks like Jonathan and Will are home,” El said, pulling out the cooling sheet. 

“Oh, good. Just in time for the next film.” 

But just as El was putting the last of the cookies on the cooling sheet, she heard a frantic little knock at the door followed by a couple of dings on their doorbell. Startled, she almost dropped her spatula. 

“Why on earth are they making all that noise?” Joyce asked as she stood up to turn down the ending credits and answer the door. “Surely Jonathan and Will don’t need any help carrying gifts to the house after an evening at Lonnie’s…”

When she opened the door, instead of hearing Jonathan or Will’s voice, she heard Mike’s.

“Mrs. Byers! Merry Christmas!” 

“Mike! And Nancy! I thought you couldn’t make it!” 

“We came anyway,” Nancy said from behind him. “Didn’t want to let the holiday pass without coming to see you.”

“Oh, I hope you didn’t upset your mother too much...”

 El dropped the spatula - on purpose this time - and was over at the door in a matter of seconds. If there was any cure for a blue Christmas, it was the look on Mike’s beaming face when she rounded the corner, still wearing Joyce’s favorite holiday apron. 

“I can’t believe you made it!” 

El caught the bright smile on Nancy’s face as Mike met her with open arms. 

“Merry Christmas, El,” Mike said, pulling back to hold her face in his hands. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

Just as Joyce was about to move everyone indoors and out of the cold, Jonathan’s old station wagon pulled up, making their arrival some of the most perfect timing El had seen in a while. 

“Nance? What are you doing here?” 

The bags were brought in and the cookies were set on the coffee table. Will was congratulating Mike on standing up to his dad, Nancy was talking with Joyce about winters in New York, and El was all snuggled up on Mike’s right side, her cheek against his shoulder and everything seemed right with the world - at least for the moment. 

Even through hard times and sad days, El was so happy she had lived through them. Without them, she couldn’t have moments like these where everything felt perfect. She knew everyone in the room would agree - the smiles and laughs and shining eyes were enough for her to feel completely and simply surrounded by such a warm, fuzzy feeling. 

El lifted her head to place a kiss on Mike’s shoulder and he turned to look down at her, eyes all glassy and warm. 

“What was that for?” 

“Just because,” she said.  

I’ll love you ‘til the day I die, she thought.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and yours!! Can y’all tell which movie I’ve been watching all week... I hope it doesn’t sound like the ramblings of a Christmas lunatic :) Love y’all, miss y’all everyday <3

Tagging some lovelies: @milesfairchild, @mikewheeler, @milevenhearteyes, @serendipitousrambles, @fatechica, @summer-in-hawkins, @milevens, @stevehharrington, @elhoppers, @dustinhendrsn, @lyrawills, @partwayhappy and @robinbuckely 

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 1

-Person:I don't want to go to college. I want to join a rock band.

-Person 1: A dangerous pogo stick

Person 2: Do you mean a jackhammer?

-Person 1: I only have five minutes, what can I do in five minutes!?

Person 2: Masturbate

Person 3: Dab

-*Person 1 snaps fingers in a Z formation and points* No.

-Person: It's the computer Jesus.

Person: I’m okay with being the human embodiment of a cookie recipe.

-Person: Her eyes were as blue as... the color blue.

-Person: angrily clicks pen

-Person: Fight me *said while dabbing*

-Person: Did you just assume the gender of that table?

-Person: How does that child have popcorn! It's Wednesday!

-Person: Yo no speako Shakespearean Englisho.

-Person: I AM looking at an AC! *shouted across campus during finals week*

-Person: You fancy English tomboy! *shouted during an argument*

-Person: The salt the salt it burns! *followed by horrendous screaming and someone collapsing on the ground*

-Person 1: It's spiky.

Person 2: Depression?

Person 1: No a porcupine.

-Person: I don't know what fake tan you put on, but you’re not brown. *Indian girl to another Indian girl when one thought a food was spicy*

-Person: Thicce. When she thicc but she French. *pronounced thick-ay*

-Person: Everything's breaking and falling apart. *cue a chorus of 'my life' and 'same'*

-Person: I searched up the word 'search'. Nailed it!

-Person: *to the tune of making my way downtown* Make a meringue right now.

-Person: Legiterally. *legit +literally*

-Person: See, the problem is, I don’t want to.

-Person: We're boycotting Amazon. Siri play despacito.

-Person: Dishwashers are just machines from the evil overlords. You don't do the dishes, the dishes do you.

-Person: It makes me want to dig my own eyeballs out of my sockets and eat them but I'm fine.

-Person 1: Is this strawberry jam?

Person 2: Yes

Person 1: Ehhh I'm allergic but it's fine.

-Person: You human bobby pin.

-Person: Technically, Fire trucks are just giant water guns.

-Person 1: But what happens if you take helium and sulfur hexafluoride at the same time?

Person 2: You die.

-Person: I want to breath fire like the dragon that I am.

-Person: (girls name)! Stop trying to graph life!

-Person 1: Great I’m a pterodactyl with 3D printers for ears.

Person 2: Oh my god it’s me!

-Person: I will consume your soul!!!

-Person 1: Did you just fall and accept it?

Person 2: Yes.

-Person: Dang. Life is just crunchy.

-Person: I relate to that shoe, because I am also alone in this world.

-Person: Being alive is to0 much of a commitment. TBH I have enough commitment issues as it is and I’m just not fully committed to this whole life thing.

-Person: Swiper no swiping! *shouted as another student tried to steal their water bottle

-Person: (persons name), you either have to solve the problem, or you have to stop whining and ignore it. That’s how life works.

-Person: I want an emotional support komodo dragon to emotionally support me by killing my enemies.

-Person 1: Move the table by (mans name).

Person 2: What? Physically?

Person 1: No, mentally… of course physically (person’s name)!

-Person: What do they speak in Brazil? Brazilian?

-Person: I’m  not going to have five kids fuck you buzzfeed.

-Person: How many calories are in a Pringles container? Cause I just ate all of them.

-Person: I could listen to him say penguin forever. If someone ever says penguin as good as he does I’ll just….

-Person: And then his reply just savaged me yeah!? I just want him to like me.

-Person: Me watching my life fall apart like ‘that’s a shame’.

-Person: Carry yourself upstairs! For gods sake (person’s name) it’s not that difficult!!

-Person: Do I look like the basic gluten free white bitch? Okay I thought so.

-Person: How could I give up on life when I never even lived it in the first place?

-Person: Have you ever gotten into a TED talk spiral? Like just a spiral of knowledge and inspiration?

-Person: You don’t know true fear until you almost drop your laptop without its case.

-Person: So they just yeet you into the water when you die.”

-Person: And in that moment she made four very straight girls turn gay for five seconds. That’s how fine she was.

-Person 1: Why is the sky screaming?

*thunder*

Person 2:It probably has cramps.

-Person: I’m here, I’m queer, and I shall be scoping you my dear.

-Person: You. 20-20. Vision. Person. Gah!

-Person: I guess I’ll just phase through the walls.

-Person: He has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

-Person 1: Not even sarcastically though, why do you care more about my life and health more than I do?

-Random Girl walking by: same though

-Person: Wait are potatoes a fruit?

-Person 1: Come on (person’s name), chop chop!

Person 2: I’m chopping!

-Person: I thought I ran into (boys name) but it was actually just a bench.

-Person: Are streptsils supposed to burn?

-Person: Does static electricity work here?

-Bro 1: Close your eyes bro

Bro 2: Okay bro

Bro 1: What do you see bro?

Bro 2: Nothing bro

Bro 1: That’s my world without you bro

Bro 2: Bro

Girl: I swear to god if you two do that again… *insinuating that this wasn’t the first time they had done so*

-Person 1: And how do you exactly get to the sketchy parts of London?

Person 2: Google maps.

-Girl in a dark room to roommate: Well you know what? *Turns on light* well fuck you I hope your eyes burn.

-Person: Oh my crapety crap crap.

-Person: Oh yes, we love a spiky shistar

-Person: Tbh no one else can hate me as much as I hate me sooo yeahhh

-Person: So I guess I’m just gunna dab and pretend like everything’s okay then cry later.

-Person 1: Well you’re... fricking... stupid.

Person 2:Wow language.

Person 1: I’m 15 I can do whatever the frick I want!

-Person: *shouting*I don’t have energy for this today!

-Person: I didn’t know the lady was not wearing garments.

-Person: That went from getting water to doing drugs. That wasn’t a jump at all.

-Person: I am a bright and colorful piñata and god is a 13 year old birthday boy whose parents have just announced their divorce.

-Person: Oh my god I just got a message! *pause* Never mind it’s just my cellular company

-Person: I only know how to express love in either dramatic, multi-page, 19th-century-style love letters or single memes presented without commentary so jot that down

-Person 1: As a member of the stop the bull community I kindly request for you to cease this activity.

Person 2: Oh yah? Well as a member of the START the bull community I wanna ask you to umm BACK OFF.

-Person: I’m feeling very third wheel. You and (boys name),  (boys name) and (girls name), (girls name) and 8-ball.

-Person: My entire life is the ‘awkward YouTube phase’.

-Person: Sliding into (girlfriends name) dms like *proceeds to perform a giant sock on hardwood floor style slide*

-Person: (Teacher’s name)’s voice just puts you to sleep. If you need to take a nap, just listen to a recording.

-Person: And then there’s me, having a mental breakdown over a water bottle.

-Person: Like girl, I know you’re thirsty but just drink some soda.

-Person 1: I’m sad lemme have some.

Person 2: Who broke up with you this time?

Person 1: HEY!

-Person: Excuse you, I’m always ashy.

-Person 1: 3/8 people on this group chat aren’t straight. That’s 0.375. Quick maths. Who needs to pass the math final when you can calculate the amount of gay in the group chat?

Person 2: Politicians use statistics to argue their points anyway so you need it in life.

Person 3: That was intelligent, (Person 1) you’ve been outplayed.

-Person 1: YAY WERE ALL GOING TO DIE

Person 2: Me in the face of the apocalypse.

-Person: God I miss Lagos, even the bumpy ass roads. at least Lagos had LESBIANS.

-Person: Does anyone else want to pretend their okay with me? No?

-Person: 8-Ball Bitches!

-Person: I’VE GONE BACK SO FAR INTO THE CLOSET I’M IN FUCKING NARNIA NOW

-Person: Attack! *Squeals as she’s squirted wit a water-bottle* Ahhhh you fricking fudger!

[sightsoundrhythm]

DALE CROVER

Dale Crover is a Los Angeles based musician best known for being the drummer in The Melvins. Since joining the band in 1984, The Melvins have released 21 albums to date, as well as numerous E.P.s, compilations and live recordings. Their most recent album, Pinkus Abortion Technician, is available now via Ipecac Recordings.

Dale's readily identifiable, bombastic, and creatively boundless style has remained an integral part of the band's sound throughout their 35 years together, helping to shape their unique output as well as influencing countless musicians and bands along the way.

In Addition to his work with The Melvins, Dale was also an early member of Nirvana, performing on their first demo as a band and appearing on three album releases, including their debut album Bleach on Sub Pop Records. He has also recorded and performed music with a multitude of different bands over the years including: Crystal Fairy, Hank Williams III and Shrinebuilder, to name a few, and he currently plays in Redd Kross, Altamont and leads the Dale Crover Band on vocals and guitar.

Pinkus Abortion Technician by Melvins

SIGHT/SOUND/RHYTHM spoke to Dale a few hours before a Melvins show at Leeds University, UK, to discuss his musical background, the past and present of The Melvins, and a few of the many musical projects that he's been involved in.

How's the tour been going so far?

Good, thanks. We have three shows left for this run after tonight.

You played here at Leeds University before, didn't you?

Yeah, we last played here about ten years ago.

Have you been next door to see where The Who's Live at Leeds was recorded?

Yeah, I just went over there to check it out. I'd seen it before when we were here last time but I had to go and take a picture of it. Buzz (Osbourne, Melvins frontman) was saying that he remembered seeing photos from Live at Leeds and that the stage was really shallow.

The Stones, Zeppelin, and tons of other bands played there, which is pretty impressive. I remember the last time we were here they had pictures up of The Who when they played there again in the mid '00s.

Whenever I'd listen to that record I always imagined that it was recorded in some really nice, pristine theatre, then I saw it and was like, this is where they recorded it? A crappy lunch room?! [laughs] It kind of makes sense I guess.

I was listening to Live at Leeds recently and I can hear some of that vocabulary in your playing – the way he played fills around the kit. Was Keith Moon a big influence on you?

Yeah, pretty big. I didn't really know The Who until I joined The Melvins. I heard them through Buzz, and he's a huge Who fan. They were, and probably still are, his favourite band. He always talked about how you can tell that Pete Townshend was writing with his drumming in mind on a lot of their material.

I met Jim Fox who drums in The James Gang not too long ago. Somebody had made him aware that we'd covered the song Stop on our new record, which they had done a cover of, too, so he came down to one of our shows.

They had done a bunch of shows with The Who in the U.S. during the seventies. Townsend really liked Joe Walsh's playing, so they invited them to come over here to the U.K. and tour. He said that the way that those guys toured was that they each had their own car and driver, so they got paired up together. So it'd be Joe Walsh with Pete Townshend, and Jim Fox got paired up with Keith Moon. Sometimes they'd ride with Roger (Daltrey) but they didn't like it because he drove his own car and they said that his driving was really crappy. [laughs]

I knew Jim would have a million Keith Moon stories, and he was like, 'Yeah... but he'd just pretty much pass out in the car for the whole day and then wake up at around 5pm'. Keith would be there asking, 'How was the show last night?' It was probably amazing, judging by how good Live at Leeds is.

What were you like as a kid?

I was kind of a goofy kid, glasses, but pretty normal. I heard music early on though. I had Beatles and Monkees records from when I was about six years old. I liked baseball, and still do. I didn't like it for a long time but now I like it again.

I grew up in a very small town with not a lot going on...

That's Aberdeen, Washington?

Yeah. I actually had parents that weren't divorced, unlike all of my other friends.

[Dale's phone vibrates]

Sorry, that's my friend Bob (Hannam). He's the guy who made our documentary. He's actually from Bradford.

[Laughs] Ah, ok. You and I actually met in Bradford in 1996 when you guys were touring Stag.

Oh, wow! Really?

Yeah, you'd just finished playing at a club called Rios. We hung out for a while afterwards and you, Buzz and Mark Deutrom were teaching me and my friend how to play Craps in the car park with some dice that you'd recently picked up in Las Vegas.

[Laughs] That's crazy!

I remember that tour. The Seattle thing was kind of over by that point and I remember our booking agent trying to talk us out of doing the whole tour in the U.K. He was saying, 'Look, it's going to be bad. London will be fine, but you just shouldn't do it'. We really wanted to do it though... but, on the whole, it was really under-attended.

Yeah, I think there were probably around 50 people there and you guys were doing three sets.

That's right, we did!

I remember you ending one of the sets with Cottonmouth...

Right! We were just talking about that the other day, about how I used to play guitar from behind the kit and sing that.

I gotta ask my friend really quick about this show. [Dale sends a text to Bob Hannam]

Melvins were playing three sets a night on that tour. How did you prepare yourself for that?

Practicing a lot, plus when you get on tour you get used to playing pretty quickly. I think by that point we had been on tour for a while. Prior to that we had already played shows before where we had done two or three sets. Once you get past the second set you're already warmed up and can do it without any problems.

I did it last year when we were playing over here in England with Melvins and Redd Kross, so I'd be doing a set with both bands, and by the Melvins set I'd be fully warmed up.

How old were you when you first started playing?

I guess officially I would've probably been about eleven or twelve.

I found out that my neighbour had a drum set in their basement that they didn't really play and I somehow talked him into letting me take it home, just to bang around on it. I also played guitar from when I was around eight years old, and I always liked both.

I remember being in a talent show in fifth or sixth grade and playing guitar. I taught my friend that lived across the alley from me how to play the drums for it.

Around that same time I had this older friend who lived a block away, who eventually went on to play in the band Metal Church, and he befriended me. By that point I was already into Kiss, who I had seen play when I was in sixth grade, but he turned me on to Zeppelin and stuff like that. He was even showing me how to play rock songs on the guitar, like Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent, but then at some point he said, 'You know, you should get a drum set so we can jam!' So that's kind of how I started.

Did you have an immediate connection with the instrument?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I was already really into it, even before that... especially with Kiss. That was the band that made me want to play music.

I don't even know if schools have much of a music program anymore, but starting in fourth grade back then you could play a stringed instrument, so I started playing cello. Then in fifth grade you could play a brass instrument, so I wanted to play the tuba [laughs], but then rock and roll basically took over and I switched in the following year and got a snare drum. I had a paper route and I delivered papers to buy my first drum set, and I had it by the seventh grade.

That first drum set was from the 60's and it got pretty thrashed. I used it when I was in The Melvins, too.

What was it like growing up somewhere that didn't have a music scene?

It was weird. Even then a lot of the music that I liked wasn't being played on the local radio, so I found out about stuff through my older friends. One of my friends got into a cover band and I used to go and watch them practice all the time.

I actually met a drummer who was pretty good from the neighbouring town, whose brother actually ended up marrying my sister. He had a Ludwig Octaplus drum set with double bass drums and eight toms. After a while I wasn't into Kiss anymore and I got into Rush, so I was really into Neil Peart.

You're going to need those toms!

[laughs] Exactly! I never got there though.

At one point, the drum set I had in The Melvins was a red sparkle kit which had two mismatched bass drums from different kits. They were the same colour but they didn't quite match.

So I had two bass drums, two rack toms, a floor tom, and then another big floor tom in the centre, so it was this kind of weird pyramid/diamond shape. It was held up by gravity and shitty stands and I couldn't afford cymbals. When I eventually could, I remember buying one and bringing it to practice and those guys taking it from me and hiding it. I could only use it when we played shows because I just used to break them, you know.

Did the geographical isolation of Aberdeen help you guys as a band?

Definitely. I mean, all we did was practice when we started, but really we made most of our music away from there. It inspired us to play because there was really nothing else to do, besides smoke weed and drink.

Do you still have family there?

No, not anymore. Both of my parents have passed away. My mom had actually already moved out of there when she retired and so she went to Olympia. There was a lot more going on there, and when The Melvins first started out that's where we would go and play. I mean, there was no place to play in Aberdeen at all, and nobody would've liked it anyway.

How supportive were they when you first started playing?

They were really supportive. I remember the day that Buzz and Matt came over to talk to me about playing in The Melvins. My mom had just been saying to me, 'You know, you've got to find a band that's really going to do something', because the stuff I was doing at the time really wasn't going anywhere.

I already knew who they were from seeing them open for Metal Church in Aberdeen, and nobody liked them. That was the one gig that happened there ever, besides some school dances.

I'd actually seen them already because this cover band that I played in had done a benefit for a live radio show which was happening at Christmas time at Elk's Lodge, which The Melvins were also playing. They were the only band around who were playing original material, which I thought was kind of cool. I didn't know anything about punk rock then besides what I'd read, and I'd never heard it because you couldn't find any of those records. I'd seen the film Rock & Roll High School, and the only thing I could relate it to was that they kind of sounded like The Ramones and also like Motorhead, so I liked it. My other band mates thought it sucked, probably because it was competition for them.

Before all of that my bands were practicing at our house. We had a little four bedroom house and my older brothers had already moved out and gone to college, so I had command of three bedrooms. The one at the back of the house was where we would practice. When I first joined the Melvins we practiced for about a month before our first show.

Where was that first show?

In Olympia.

Do you remember much about it?

It was us opening for D.O.A., and I think it went well.

There was another one a week later that was with Green River and a band called The He-Sluts at the Tropicana in Olympia. The U-Men were supposed to play, who were a pretty popular Seattle band, but for whatever reason they didn't show up. There is a recording of that show available.

[Dale receives a text from Bob Hannam]

Bob said about that Bradford show: “Yeah, you did three sets. My friend left half way through because he couldn't stand it.” [laughs]

What were the things that were important to you when you first started playing and how have they changed over time?

Good question. Well, it's not so important for me to play fast anymore. [laughs]

Things have changed and grown so much that it's really hard to say. Even from our first recordings to now, they're far different, but I guess that comes with experience. We still practice a lot, so some things haven't changed. We have our own studio now and we're able to record whenever we want to. I think that's helped us musically.

When we did our first record, we'd rehearse those songs so much before we ever got to record them, and we probably beat some of them into the ground and ruined what the original feeling was.

Did you record the first album with a label in mind to release it?

No, not with the first record. There are probably a chunk of songs that never got recorded because we didn't have the means to do it. We'd play them live a few times and then get sick of them and write new songs that we liked more, so there were probably at least a full album's worth of songs that we never even recorded, which we've probably since forgotten about, too.

They might be on some cassette tape somewhere. When we can't play anymore we'll dig up all the stuff from the archives, kind of like the Bob Dylan Bootleg Series.

Similar to The Mangled Demos?

Yeah. That stuff was all with Mike Dillard who was the original drummer.

How long was Mike playing in The Melvins before you joined?

Probably for about a year. The band started in 1983 and I think that once Buzz started to write songs that were a little more complicated, Mike wasn't quite comprehending it. We're all still good friends and we did the Melvins 1983 record with him on drums.

It's cool because he still feels like a part of the band, and whenever we hang out with him it's like we're back in eighth grade again. [laughs] He and Buzz used to cause a lot of trouble when they were teenagers.

It's nice that you still have that connection. Were there any things in particular that you remember trying to master when you first started?

Oh, gosh. Well, I remember playing to Kiss records.

I'm sure that there were triplet fills which incorporated the bass drum and stuff like that, or just trying to figure how drummers did certain things.

I remember even before I started taking lessons that the Bay City Rollers had a Saturday morning variety show in the States and they were huge. I wasn't really a fan of those guys but I could watch the drummer on the show and I could see how he played certain things.

I mean, I had a pretty good time figuring stuff out, and it wasn't too difficult.

How long were you taking lessons for?

Probably about three or four years, and that started because there was a school band when I was in Junior High School, which had a lot of drummers, probably more than most school bands would have. Most schools would have one or two and we had up to eight.

There was a professor at the junior college who was a jazz drummer and he offered lessons for 50 cents per kid if we'd go in on Saturdays. So there were drummers there who were older than me who had seniority and they were first chair, but none of them showed up. So it was me and one other kid, who couldn't play very well.

The next week came and only I showed up and the drum teacher said, 'I was hoping that this was going to go a little better and that more people would show up, but I can't really give you lessons for just fifty cents [laughs], but if you want to take private lessons with me I can do it for six bucks an hour'. So that's where I started learning rudiments as well as working on proper technique, which I still practice now.

A lot of players who hit as hard as you do aren't always that aware of their own technique but this seems to be something that you're definitely aware of.

Yeah, these days there's less movement in my drumming. I realised this recently that I use my fingers when I'm playing a lot more now. When I was younger I didn't really sit around and practice all of that stuff too much – I just wanted to play rock songs, but now I do a lot more of that stuff. Also, I still feel like I'm still learning. I'll go on Youtube and figure stuff out and look at how other people play, which is great.

It's a process that never ends.

Yeah!

Have you had any physical problems from playing at all?

I pinched a nerve in my shoulder when we were playing with Jello Biafra. We were practicing a lot and I moved my arm in a weird way and that was it. It took a long time to heal. It was... it was fucked, [laughs] but I still had to play and get through it.

How are your ears holding up?

I'm hard of hearing and they're going for sure. I've actually got hearing aids but I don't wear them all of the time. When I'm around my kids I have a hard time hearing them, so it was something that I'd thought about for a long time and I finally got them.

You've always struck me as a very ego-less player in a lot of ways. I can't imagine many drummers being completely willing to include a second drummer into a band, or switching to bass for an entire record and letting another drummer take over.

Likewise with your playing itself. I remember first hearing the intro to the song 'Queen' from Stoner Witch and being impressed at how simple the opening part was, which I found to be equally as impressive as some of your more complex playing. I feel that a lot of drummers wouldn't dare to play something so simplistic like that. 

Do you have a particular philosophy towards drumming that informs how you play?

No, not necessarily. It all depends on the song.

With regards to being ego-less, there are a lot of drummers who wouldn't like it if a guitar player said, 'I want you to play it like this'. But, for me, it's like: well, he wrote the song!

Sometimes I might not know what exactly to play and Buzz might have an idea for what he's already hearing. This gets back to how someone like Pete Townshend wrote for Keith Moon, and a lot of the time Buzz writes with me in mind. That isn't always the case. Sometimes he might not know what needs to be played and then I'll come up with something.

How does Buzz dictate some of those ideas to you?

A lot of it is just him telling me where he hears certain ideas, and sometimes some of that is hard to learn in order to get it right, but he's got great ideas.

The band has gone through many line up changes over the course of 35 years. Most bands wouldn't have lasted as long under the same circumstances. Do you think that this has worked to your advantage as a band?

Yeah, it's certainly kept it fresh. We never wanted to part ways with anybody in particular, it just always came down to personal problems. After we had Kevin Rutmanis playing bass – that was a really hard break up because we really liked him but he had troubles that were affecting the band.

After that we went back into it not wanting to have anyone that we would consider permanent anymore. We want to have an open relationship basically [laughs], and that's worked great!

This current line up of The Melvins features two bass players (Jeff Pinkus and Steve McDonald). Has playing in this configuration forced you to alter your approach at all?

I don't think so.

Does it help to create more musical opportunities?

Yeah. I try to play with them both, so I'm not really following one or the other. They've both come up with their own parts for the whole thing.

What were the musical challenges for you when including Cody Willis from Big Business into the band as a second drummer? I know that you had talked in the past about including Dave Grohl as a second drummer in the mid nineties so I'm guessing that this was something you'd been interested in doing for a while.

Yeah, after Nirvana broke up we actually asked him if he'd like to come and join us. It was an open invitation to come and do whatever, whether that would have been recording or playing a show. We heard that he was into it, and we saw his old band mates in Scream who said that Dave had even drawn up some plans for building one large drum set that we would both play, but it never went any further. Soon after he formed Foo Fighters and that was that.

So, yeah, it was something that we had been thinking about for a while, and we kind of did it with the Melvins/Fantomas Big Band with Dave Lombardo, so we knew that it would work. There was another guy that we asked who was in a band called Hovercraft but he didn't want to do it. We had toured with them and he would keep his drum set out and then come out and play the song 'Amazon' with us, so we knew that it was an idea that would work.

After Kevin left the band my wife actually suggested that we ask Jared, who plays bass in Big Business alongside Cody, to join the band, because she'd been friends with him, and we'd played shows with them before. So I mentioned that to Buzz and he said, 'Why don't we just ask both of them to do it?'

I thought it'd be cool. Cody plays left handed so we were able to put the two sets together and share certain parts of the kit.

We just asked them to come down and play, not to try out for the band, just to see what they thought, and it happened right away. We worked really hard on everything. Funnily enough, they were already thinking about moving down to L.A. to begin with.

You played on some really early Nirvana recordings, including tracks that ended up on the album Bleach. What are some of the standout memories you have from recording those sessions with Jack Endino at Reciprocal?

They wanted to do a demo so that they could get a permanent drummer, basically, and I worked it all out with those guys. We drove over to Reciprocal Recording and did ten songs, which were done really quickly. Whenever I listen to some of those songs now I'm reminded that we were drinking coffee and eating chocolate covered espresso beans, so you can hear some of those songs speed up, but we weren't really too worried about because it was just a demo. They ended up going back later to remix and use some of those songs. That night after recording we went and played our first show, then the next day we shot a video at Radio Shack in Aberdeen.

We had a friend who was the manager there and the video is just us miming along to one of the songs [laughs]. We were sort of messing around. It was fun!

Among the many projects that you've been involved with, you and Buzz played with Omar and Teri in Crystal Fairy not so long ago. What was it like doing that project? Will you be doing anything more with it?

Unfortunately I don't know that any more will happen with it but we really liked writing songs with Teri. We just got in a room to figure out what kind of songs we wanted to write, and both Buzz and Teri had a few ideas. Within the first day of getting together we had written and recorded three songs that were damn near done. She's really quick at writing and comes up with amazing lyrics. I'd never played with a singer who could just come up with melody and good lyrics right off the top of their head like that. It's crazy.

Yeah, it was cool hearing her in a different context to what I had heard her in before. It's a great record.

Yeah! I'm involved in it of course but I think she was doing things that she'd never done before with that record. It was one of my favourite things that I've been involved in at that point, so I was really bummed that it fell apart and that we didn't get to play any shows.

Buzz and I were really committed to it. We were going to put The Melvins on hold because we thought that it was something that was really special. So that was a tough loss.

Your musical relationship with Buzz is now into its third decade. What is it that makes the relationship between the two of you work so well?

I don't know. We were in a working relationship before we were really friends, which is probably different from most bands.

I think just keeping our heads together and being realistic about everything, and really wanting it to work. Bands usually break up for stupid reasons but, for whatever reason, we never wanted to quit. I'm really happy about it. We've never really gotten into fights or anything like that. We get along well.

When we're at home we sometimes hang out and go to a baseball game together, or maybe the movies or go play golf. We don't live in the same neighbourhood, so we aren't over at each other's houses much, maybe once or twice a year, but we see each other all of the time elsewhere anyway.

How does being a dad fit in with being a touring musician at this point? What do your kids make of what you do?

I think they like it. Sometimes kids at their school even know who the band is. They've come to see us play and have pretty much grown up with it but it is hard for them, especially when I first leave. It's hard for me, too.

Before we even had kids, me and my wife would have long talks about how it would work. I mean, I have to keep doing this because this is how I make money, so it's going to be hard but we just have to deal with it the best we can. It's a strange life. Not everybody has that. The one thing I could maybe relate it to would be like someone being in the military, but then those people are sometimes gone for longer.

I relate things to baseball a lot, too, [laughs] but baseball players will play a hundred and sixty two games a year and half of those are away. The only thing that's probably easier for them is that they aren't in one place for a single night, so they'll play at a place for three or four nights. I wish we could do that. That'd be great! [laughs]

What are the things you spend the most amount of time thinking about these days?

You mean besides baseball? [laughs] I honestly don't know. I try to live in the moment.

What are some of the things that are currently challenging you?

Trying to schedule everything in my life, because there's so much going on.

Melvins is always a solid schedule, but when I get home I also have a solo band now and I also play with Redd Kross, then there will be more Melvins shows. So just trying to get everything to fit in and still have time for family.

I'm trying to do all of these things and not feel like I've got too much on my plate and still be able to get everything done.

It's a hard balance.

Yeah, it is.

Well, thanks for taking the time to do this, Dale. It's massively appreciated.

Thank you!

Interview by Dave Jones. 

[scarlettsabetlondongirl]

The Town and The City Festival Lowell, MA October 19 & 20, 2018 – Day 1 – The Poets by Kathy Murray for Live Music News and Review

An interview with Scarlett Sabet 

I had first heard about the innaugural run of The Town and The City Festival on Instagram from the acclaimed poetess, Scarlett Sabet. The festival had been created surrounding the life and works of Jack Kerouac, a Lowell resident for most of his life. Scarlett herself was an avid fan of Kerouac, and she was traveling from England to perform a reading for the festival. I was absolutely thrilled. I had been waiting for her to come back to the States, more specifically to the Northeast, so that I could go see her read. I had been a fan of her poetry for quite some time, but had only seen snippets of her incredibly moving readings online and I could not wait to experience it firsthand.

I reached out to her soon after getting my press credentials for the show, to find out if she would like to sit down for an interview. I was pleasantly surprised when she agreed, and doubly so when she asked if I would like to also include the poet Janaka Stucky, who was on the bill with her that night. I, of course, was more than happy to agree!

We had discussed meeting at the venue just after they did their soundcheck at about 6:00pm, to allow enough time before the readings began. When I arrived, I entered the Parish Hall, and waited while one of the staff went to get Scarlett and Janaka. When they came out, Scarlett greeted me like an old friend, giving me a big hug, and I presented her with a small token of appreciation for agreeing to do our interview, a painting I had done for her. Janaka suggested we go into the room that had been set up as the ‘Green Room’ for the event, so we made our way in there.

Kathy: With ‘Zoreh’, I noticed that with ‘Elegy’, well first, it’s like the longest piece in the book, and I was wondering, what was your inspiration for it?

Scarlett: So with ‘Elegy’, whenever I read it, I always say this is a poem I didn’t want to write; but I knew I’d have to. It was, I mean, it was personal grief across death, and also kind of old grief, reliving childhood stuff. I’m sure there are more layers to come, but when you’re an adult, you kind of think okay, I’ve already dealt with anything that upset me as a kid. But it’s events that happen that kind of brought it up again, and I was like, I’m going to give myself one poem for this and that’s it. I was abroad this January, and it was like the pressure, with just the physical moving, and I just sat down and just wrote it all. Pretty much that’s just how it came out. And it is a long one, and it’s interesting performing it.

Kathy: Very raw. Very emotional. I know I definitely connected with it having lost numerous people in my life, not just as an adult, but at a very young age, and experiencing grief at very different emotional levels. You can definitely feel the emotion of the piece and connect with it through that.

Scarlett: That’s good. That’s good, because I think something like that personal grief, you don’t want it to be – and this is the other thing of being an adult, being like well everyone goes through this. I think there’s a line in the poem like, ‘but what about this is special, that which has happened to you?’ because part of it’s like pull yourself together, you know, getting sick of yourself. And it just becomes the wait, and that thing of ‘it’s going to take time’ and then the question ‘well how long does time take?’. People are like, ‘time takes time, give time time’. Like, no one wants to hear that, I want to be better now. And looking back, I learned so much and I’m a stronger person getting on the other side of it. But it was uncomfortable, but I also think that it’s uncomfortable, awkward things, restriction or difficulties, you know, good things come out of it sometimes.

Kathy: There’s an element of rediscovery of yourself. I know in some ways it was for me. One of the parts I was curious of; you spoke of the ‘wet isle of Lavender in bloom’. What isle were you talking about?

Scarlett: It’s a place called the Isle of Bute in Scotland. So my mom is French-Scottish, and it was where her burial was taking place. And I’ve got generations of family buried there. And it was just going over on the ferry, and I know I say in the poem that it was ‘small and unrelenting’ cause it was just like, ‘Why am I in London? I should just move here,’ you know what I mean? And I was just reassessing stuff, and it just made a mockery of city life; it was all the stuff of it, like it was this tiny small place, but it was making a pilgrimage back to it. I hadn’t been there with someone, I hadn’t been there since I was seventeen, so a hell of a lot had happened. So it had been, like, ten years, and it was very interesting, just the gap of what had changed personally and professionally. What is also interesting, the Marquess of Bute, the nobleman that lived there – and his descendants still live there – in the Victorian times, commissioned William Burges to build The Tower House (in Kensington), where he was Burges’ patron. So that was kind of an interesting thing. And Mount Stuart is also very similar to the Tower Houses design.

Kathy: So I know that we talked online about this, but there’s a common astrological theme that moves throughout ‘Zoreh’, and I know that you’re very into astrology, as am I, being Pagan. I wondered how you got into it initially and how you choose to incorporate it into your work.

Scarlett: That’s a good question. It was actually when Jimmy and I got together. We’d been together a couple of months, and he was like, ‘Let’s get your chart done.’ I knew my Sun sign but I didn’t know anything beyond that. So we got it done. And he opened it and was like hmmm, and I was like what does that mean? And I was like wait he’s got the blueprint to me and I don’t want to see this; let’s put it away. So I got really superstitious, and I put it away for a year. And then I read it, and it was actually really good, it was really accurate. And just kind of delving into it, and studying it; I think good astrology is very mathematical, it’s, you know, physics and math and it’s an ancient science. I think it is just, with bad astrology, I always say especially referencing ‘Lilith in the Midheaven’ from ‘Zoreh’, I always say that bad astrology gives good astrology a bad name. And when you mention it [astrology], people are like, oh you believe in that; it’s like yeah, I do believe in the coordinates, and the position of where I was born.

I think Ted Hughes was very into astrology and he was very connected to nature, the kind of bloodiness of nature, and he wrote a letter of his daughter’s birth chart when she was born (Frieda Hughes). Every President up until JFK had an astrologer and, it’s just, it’s not something new, it’s something old that’s kind of been lost touch with. I don’t know, looking back, it’s certain astrological points denote my life. Going back to ‘Elegy’, Neptune and Sagittarius, those 2 years from 2015 to 2017, were pretty intense for me. I’m Sagittarius rising, and obviously now I’ve got a Saturn return, which is really interesting. So there’s a new poem I’ll be reading tonight as well where I mention Kerouacs astrology. It’s something that is there, that I use in the imagery, and people can delve more into it if they want to. And people, like yourself, that already get the references. But, like with ‘Lilith in the Midheaven’, I like the structure of the Synastry [chart], and just discovering it and being like like ‘oh so that’s why its like that’.

Kathy: So it’s funny that you had mentioned ‘Lillith’, because that was actually going to be my next question for you. People interpret all art differently, and the way that I was experiencing it, was that love kind of renews your life every day. And how you can find somebody that is your signs mate and the connections that you share across those intricate ties. Like, within myself, finding someone who can feed my creative fire, and reciprocate it, which I feel is very important to a strong relationship. Now, I was going to ask your thoughts on that, but you already answered that in my last question to you. Who would you consider, other than Kerouac, your poetic infulences to be?

Scarlett: Influences? That’s really interesting. I think I always say Ted Hughes and a lot of people are like, ‘but Sylvia Plath, don’t you like her?’. And I do, but there’s something about Ted Hughes. He’s so fairly, or unfairly, targeted after the very tragic circumstances of both of his wives [Sylvia Plath and Assia Wevill] suicides, and I kind of admire the way he carried on regardless. And also, just the kind of bloodiness, just…the intensity of his work, the bloodiness of nature, his whole energy and focus, and just how prolific he was. I think he’s an influence, not necessarily in style but in just [that raw emotion] yeah and I think it’s continuing on in the face of adversity. I also think it’s really interesting that he’d written all these love poems for Sylvia Plath that he didn’t publish until nine months before he died, and if he’d done that earlier, the public perception of him might have been a bit more sympathetic, and he kind of kept it to himself. And when his daughter – he won an award for it after his death, collected it on his behalf, she quoted him, I’m just paraphrasing, she said, ‘it’s a shame we have to give away our secrets’, which was just really interesting, him referring to the fact, that he released this massive volume of love poems for Sylvia Plath, which kind of proved that he did care.

But intense influence, obviously my partner [Jimmy Page] is very influential, just in terms of how hard working he is and still is. And really, if I have an editor, it’s him. Like, and it’s funny, with ‘Lilith and the Midheaven’, the night before I sent it to the publisher, I was like, “Oh, I’m not sure, I don’t know, I was going to cut some stuff out”, and he was like, “Why are you doing that? That’s good, keep that in.” And he actually read [aloud] ‘Lillith in the Midheaven’. I was really questioning it. And he read it and in his voice I think, just the separation, it not being in my voice, I was like, ‘Oh okay, you know, I’m good with it.’ And he was like, “Yeah, you see, let’s keep that in, yeah?” So I did. And obviously talent is good and essential, but it’s just also working really hard and letting go of stuff. So I think he’s a great example for me, on a day to day basis.

Kathy: I want to ask both of you this next question – do you have any reading’s coming up?

Scarlett: Yeah, so I’ve got in November in London I’m doing actually a kind of reading at the Troubador, and I’m doing it with Reel Art Press, because they put out a beat book earlier this year, so we’re kind of going to be exhibiting some beat paraphernalia, some of Ginsberg’s letters, and photos from the beat book. I’m going to be performing with this amazing poet called, Oakley, and I saw him perform, well we performed together at the Byline Festival [August 2018]. That’s real exciting.

Kathy: Will either of you be performing any of Jack Kerouacs works tonight?

Scarlett: I’m performing tonight a poem I wrote kind of as soon as it was confirmed I was doing this event; so what is interesting is, Janaka and I, this is only the second time we’ve met. But we’ve got a friendship spanning years now, and its through correspondence because obviously we live in different countries. But the common thread that brought us together is the Beats. So we met at the 50th anniversary of the Holy Communion, and the Holy Communion was a four hour poetry reading in London at the Royal Albert Hall in 1965 that Jimmy went to. So we went to the 50th anniversary of that, and Janaka was this stand out poet and I was just like, ‘fuck, who is this guy??’ We connected through social media, and then when I was bringing out Zoreh and set to perform at City Lights, they were like okay we’ll find a poet for you to read with. I said, no, I know who I want to read with. And I said to him, okay we’ve never met, and I don’t know you, but if you’re able to fly to San Francisco in March? and Janaka was like yeah, I can do it. So we met for the first time, a half an hour before. And it was at that reading that we met Chris Porter and he came up to us at the end and was like, hey I’m doing this thing in Lowell, and my eyes like lit up, because when I read at Wellesley College, I visited and paid my respects in Lowell at Kerouacs grave, so coming here feels like everything aligned. When this was confirmed I wrote a poem for Jack Kerouac, just kind of it had so much beauty and purity to it as well but obviously kind of the tragedy, of his demise kind of drinking himself to death, and just being ridiculed as well being because he was new, he was popular. People said he was not a real writer. Kapote said he’s not writing, he’s just typing. So anyway, I’m performing a poem that’s still a work in progress, but it just felt right to share and infuse it with the energy of this evening. So I’m looking forward to doing that.

Kathy: They [Jimmy Page, Robert Plant and John Paul Jones] just put out a new book, ‘Led Zeppelin by Led Zeppelin’, it features never before seen photos and correspondences. Can you respond to that? What is your take on it, like what do you think of it?

Scarlett: Can you believe that there are still never been seen images? I think the book is really important because it’s from the people that were actually there and lived it. And obviously it’s Jimmy’s band, and he created it and his notes you know he’s got a great memory. He was there and he was creating it and everything he did was intentional. And I think people always assume he’s so mysterious but even like on his website, that changes ever day, if you just look he’s giving you the answers. But I feel like so often there are books or interviews people do with him and they’ll ask him questions about an alleged story that may or may not have happened that keeps getting repeated and they want an updated quote on something that may not even be true. And I think it’s really, if you want to know anything about him, just read his own words and the music and that’s where kind of the motivation and the fact that he’s still working like 12 hour days, like insane work ethic, 50 years later, is why he is where he is and who he is. So I never have an excuse, no matter, you know my day job or whatever else I’ve been doing, I can never like slack because he’s there like, I can’t complain about being tired. And he has children and is a great dad so it’s like God I can’t complain about it. So I say get it because he really respects and loves people like you, and his fans, who love his music and get it and I think a lot of what he does it out of respect for that.

Scarlett came up next, performing pieces from Zoreh, The Lock and The Key and Rocking Underground, as well as her work-in-progress poem to Jack Kerouac. I can honestly say that reading her poetry is amazing, but hearing her read her poetry is an experience unto itself. The power and emotion that she conveys when she speaks her written word is cathartic.