#the way the electricity/lights come back on the exact moment she starts comforting him :( <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[fear0phobia]

crystal comforting charles in the case of the devlin house

[hayleygray08]

You are my home.

Introduction: this is my first writing on here. Bare with me.

Summary: you are a new member of the team after tony finds you in a hydra raid. You are shy, reserved, and not very talkative at first until you realize the team is not going to hurt you. Once comfortable you show them your powers and fall for a certain super soldier, again.

I used google translate for words in Russian, so if the words are wrong. I apologize.

In my writing, no one is dead.

Pairing: bucky x reader, everyone else is platonic.

Genre: fluff, anguish, mentions of torture, blood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am crouched in the conner,on the floor of my cell waiting for the guards to come get me. My daily training. More like torture.

They make me train as hard as I can and if they think I am slaking, I get a few thousand jolts of electricity shot through my body. Or even a few punches.

Yesterday was one of the worst days so far, that I can remember. I was getting random images flash inside my head, almost from a past life from what I saw, which made me loose focus quite a bit. In return the men who watch me train were heavy with the electricity jolts and even harder punches, anywhere they could land on my body. So, I was not looking forward to today's training.

I don't have a clock or windows in my cell but I knew every time they would come to get me. Like my body knew the exact moment every day. So when that time came and I was still in my cell I was growing a little worry. They are never late, sometimes early, but never late. Just then a siren rang out and the lights dimmed then went red. Was that the alarm for an intruder? How is that possible?

As a million thoughts ran through my head at what could possibly cause the alarm to go off. A very vivid picture or memory came to me and played on repeat. It looked to be the 40's, on a dock or a pier, I was laughing and looking out at the water. There were two guys with me. One was small, blonde hair, blue eyes, and had a small smile on his face. The second was bigger then the first, had brown hair, bright blue eyes, and laughing with me. Why do they look familiar? Why do I have two names on the tip of my tongue? Who are they? Just as I was about to say those names my cell door was blown off and there was a cloud of dust.

As the dust settles and I can properly see, there is a man in a red and gold suit of metal. He walks towards me as he says "Cap we got someone here. She looks no older then 24, covered in bruises, and looks terrified.""Yes, I'll make sure to get her out.""No, I can't tell if she is dangerous." He sighs and crouches down so he can look me in the eyes.

"Hi, I am Tony Stark, and I am going to take you away from here." Tony says and offers me a hand. I take it cautiously and follow him out the door and eventually outside.

Once we made it outside I take a deep breath. It felt so good to get clean air. I don't even remember the last time I was outside. Must have been years. I had to shield my eyes, it was so bright out. I didnt notice more people joining us. I was to busy looking at my hands and arms. Was I always this pale? I look up at the guy who took me away, Tony, and then darkness.

Tony catches me before I could hit the floor and runs into the jet. He lays be on a table and Bruce starts an examination. Nobody dared bother him. Nat hands Tony a flash drive and sits back down with the others.

While I was unconscious and now in the medbay at the compound, I was getting more images. Some are to fast to register what it was and some stayed a good while showing me a life I do not remember, but wish I did. Also things I did, hurting people, a chair, and training. It was all to much. To much pain, suffering, lose. I could feel myself have a panic attack. Which alerted everyone.

I jolted up into a sitting position clenching my chest and taking big gasps of air. My heart monitor going off like crazy. I looked around frantically, not recognizing where I was. I tried to rip out the Iv's but a pinching sensation in my shoulder makes me stop. I look up and see a women, before I am unconscious again.

Meanwhile in the common area Tony, Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Sam, Clint, Vision, Bucky, Bruce, Thor, Loki, Scott, and Peter all sat around looking at my file.

"Her name is y/n, y/ln. She was born in 1918, lived in Brooklyn, New York. Was taken by Hydra in 1946 while she was working on a S.H.I.E.L.D mission. Hasn't been seen since. Until about 2001 when she was spotted riding a motorcycle from a crime scene. Looked to be an assassination. Then again in 2003, 2005, 2007, 2012 and the last time in 2014. So the last time was 7 years ago. It shows she was trained like the winter soldier, but never met one another. But her powers got out of control and they have been training her to keep them in control since 2014. She has assassinated 6 men, 4 women, 2 children, and 1 hydra agent in a training gone wrong on that one." Tony reads outloud to everyone.

Steve and Bucky look at each other with a look in their eyes, as if they can't believe it. Then Tony brings up a picture of me for the group to see. Everyone gasps as a few photos show up. One is me, Steve, and Bucky at Coney Island. Then one of me and Bucky smiling at each other. Then there is one of me and Peggy Carter. Once all pictures are shown, all eyes are on Steve and Bucky.

"You know her?" Asked Natasha. Everyone silently asking the same thing.

"Yes, we know her. She was our friend. She grew up with us. She was our best friend. And a little more to Bucky." Steve answers quietly, looking at Bucky. It has been 78 years since he has seen her.

As they tell the others about me and what they remember, I am waking up again at the medbay. This time more calm. The nurses and doctors where asking me questions but I wouldn't answer them. They could tell they were not going to get anywhere with me, they called Tony and Bruce. I still would not talk to them.

How could I trust them? I don't even know them. For all I know they could be Hydra as well. With all these images popping up I don't even know what to believe anymore. Both men were throwing question after question at me. I didnt know how to answer. Or if I even should. Once they realized they were not going to get anywhere they left.

By the time I got the okay from the doctors, I was put inside a cell. Something I am all to familiar with. But this one was clean, had a comfortable bed, running water, and was warm. All the walls were glass and I could see people standing around watching me. Two I kinda recognized due to the images that I get. Each one would ask a question, each time I just stared ahead.

"We want to help you." A women with red and blonde hair spoke up after a few minutes of silence. I laughed.

"You want to help me? You don't even know me. How can you help me?" I responded quietly.

"Wanda has some powers and is able to look inside your head. Put the pieces together for you. Help you remember." The same women responded looking at another women with red hhai. I am guessing is Wanda.

"We read your file, y/n, let us help you remember the things they have taken from you." Tony says as he walks around. I don't respond, just look at everyone.

They gave up after 3 hours of silence from me and them asking questions. They leave me alone until a few days later. For those days they would bring me food, check to see if I am okay, then leave. It was Wanda, Tony, Bruce, and Steve that came a few days later. I watch them as they open the door to my cell and take a seat on a bench.

"If you are okay with this, we would like to try something. It does involve bringing back everything Hydra took from you. It might be painfull. But we think you should have the choice in remembering your life."Tony speaks up after a few minutes of silence.

Do I trust these people to try and help me? Do I even want the help? To remember all the pain I have caused and I life I will never get back.

I look at the four people in front of me and when I looked at the blonde man named Steve a memory came to me. It was just us two in a tent that looked to be on a base of some sort. He was the way he is now bigger then the other one I have seen. As if he grew or got on steroids. He was telling me about someone but it was fuzzy but I had this feeling of sadness.

I take a big breath in and look at them. "What do I have to lose? Not like I am going anywhere anytime soon." I tell them as I look at my hands.

I didnt see Tony nod at the door but did hear it open. I look up to see a young girl, with a different wardrobe then the others. She smiles kindly at me as she sits next to Wanda.

"Hi, my name is Shuri. I am from Wakanda and I can help you remember." I just stare at her.

"How long will this take?" I ask quietly.

"Depends on the damage they have caused for you to forget everything. Could be a few days, weeks, months. If you have trigger words. We will make.."

"Trigger words? What does that mean?" I interrupt her.

"Words that change you into a different person. Like they did witht he winter soldier. When we got the files from the base you were held in, shows you do have some." Tony says to me.

"Oh, so then I guess we should start this thing." I tell them. They did not expect me to say that.

They step out of my cell and start to say 6 words in Russian.

"девять- nine"

"машина-car"

"цветок-flower"

At this word I started to feel a crawling sensation run across my skin. I started to blink rapidly, my vision was getting foggy.

"слива-plum"

"банан-banana"

Now I'm rolling my shoulders, flexing my hands, shaking my head. That crawling sensation is getting thicker, heavier.

"рок-rock"

Once that last word was said I stand up, look at them with a blank expression, and cock my head to the side a little. "готов подчиниться- ready to comply."

They ready the words and I am me again. Well the shell of me that I know. I sit on the bed and take deep breaths. I did not like the feeling of having no control.

They watch me before they leave me alone for a little bit. I don't remember those words but it felt like my body did and it hurt badly.

As i sit and then pace and sit again for I don't know how long, everyone else is in the common area trying to figure out what to do next.

"Her words are different from Bucky's, why?" Same asks as they watch me in my cell.

"They made the words unique for that person. Hers are more girly because she is a girl and what she likes. They make it so only one person gets triggered and not all at once." Bucky says with a frown.

As they continue to talk and see the next step. I am going a little crazy in my cell. I started to throw everything that I could, I tried breaking the walls, the floor. I was screaming, crying, and bleeding. No one knew of my powers because it was not put in any files. So when I fall to my knees and scream everything shuts down and I pass out.

Once the lights were out, they were up and running to my cell. As people in the building were trying to get the power back on.

When they get to me I was laying on the floor and covered in some weird goo. That started right as I hit the floor. Bruce went to check if I was okay and when he tried to check my pulse he got shocked. He steps away and goes to the others.

"This is not in her file, didnt show if she had powers or not. Why would they do that?" Natasha says as the nurses come in hazmat suits.

"Because she is more dangerous then we thought." Steve says sadly.

*********

That is part 1. Possibly a part two.

[sapphirecobalt-1]

“The paint’s supposed to go where?” destiel, for the prompts! <3

The paint’s supposed to go where?” + Destiel, courtesy of @contemplativepancakes. Thank you so much for your patience <3

Rated M(ish). 2.5k

"The paint's supposed to go where?" Dean asks, shooting Cas a look that's half confused, half incredulous, and half horrified, which is one too many halves but Dean's never been good enough at math to care, especially not when his roommate of several years is staring at him like he’s stupid but doesn’t want to say anything out of misplaced politeness (it’s okay, Cas, Dean knows he’s an idiot, no need to sugar coat it).

Cas scrunches up his brows and it’s clear as day he’s confused about Dean’s confusion. "On...your...body?" He asks more than says, speaking slowly and it's a testament to how well Dean knows his best friend that he understands the meaning behind Cas' words. Is this okay? Are you sure you want to do this?

Dean glances back and forth between Cas and the paintbrush in his hand. “I thought you wanted to paint me?” he asks, uncertainty coloring his tone.

“No, I asked if I could paint on you.” Cas clarifies.

Dean doesn’t know jack shit about art, it’s why he’s a STEM major, but now he’s starting to wonder if he shouldn’t do that either, because really, who in their right mind would trust a person who can’t tell the difference between painting someone and painting on someone with an electrical system? Not Dean, that’s for damn sure.

“You want to...paint on me?” Dean repeats back to him, slowly, and as an added bonus even points to himself as if Cas could possibly be referring to anyone else in the empty studio.

Cas blinks. Then, he nods, patience and exasperation fighting for dominance on his features. In the end, understanding tinged with disappointment wins as he says, “if you’re not comfortable with this, I understand...”

“No,” Dean’s mouth blurts out before his brain has time to process Cas’ comment. “I said I’d help you with your project and I will.”

“Are you sure?” Cas asks hopefully, fidgeting with the paintbrush in his hands.

No. “’Course I am.”

Cas’ face lights up in appreciation and the butterflies in Dean’s stomach flutter up a storm cause they clearly have nothing better to do. Still, the look on Cas’ face when Dean accepts his challenge is enough to put the misunderstanding behind them and let go of his uncertainty.

Until it’s time for Cas to paint on Dean.

When Cas originally asked Dean to help him with his assignment, Dean thought he’d pose for a couple hours and Cas would paint him like a 16th century monarch (never mind that Dean wanted Cas to paint him like one of his French girls). And he was cool with that, hell, he even looked forward to it (spending time with Cas, that is, not holding the same position for who knows how long). Dean even did some stretches and practiced holding various positions for several minutes.

Nothing could have prepared him for Cas scooping up some brown (”it’s not brown, Dean, it’s called ‘Burnt Umber’”, whatever the hell that means) paint on his brush, walking into Dean’s personal space like he owned it (he did, good God he did), and painting broad strokes onto Dean’s pale, freckled chest. Dean shivers the second the cold paint touches his skin and Cas barely gives him time to adjust to the temperature and weird sensation of bristles on his skin before he goes to town painting...whatever the hell he’s painting.

Cas furrows his brows and Dean watches him stick his tongue out in concentration and it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

“So, uh, this paint safe for people?” Dean asks fighting a shiver that has nothing to do with the temperature of the paint and everything to do with the way Cas gently places his hand on Dean’s waist as he paints jagged lines across Dean’s chest.

Cas pauses to look up at Dean. “Of course.” he answers. “I would never ask this of you if I knew it wasn’t safe.”

Dean distractedly nods his understanding, his attention split between the sparkle in Cas’ clear blue eyes and the unfamiliar yet warm feeling ballooning in his chest. He looks away and forces himself to pay attention to his surroundings, afraid he might say something stupid if he continues staring into Cas’ eyes like that.

As far as college level art classes go, this one’s no different than most. It’s got several easels, canvases, paint brushes, and tubes of paint scattered all over the floor, tables, and open drawers. The sunlight streaming from the three floor-to-ceiling windows light up the room more than the dollar store bare bulb hanging from the ceiling. The dark grey walls are littered with murals in various stages of completion: sketched out, drawn, half painted and painted. Dean briefly wonders where the artists are and why they never finished before his eyes land on the creepy skeleton in the far right corner. It doesn’t have eyes, but Dean swears Michaelangel-Bones (as the art students named it for reasons Dean will never understand) stares at him.

Having had his fill of the offending decoration in the corner, Dean turns to face Cas only to frown when he doesn’t immediately spot his friend. Motion captures his attention and he looks down to see Cas, on his knees, in front of Dean, getting some green paint before carefully painting small strokes across Dean’s stomach, one hand on his waist.

Dean’s brain stops working and his heart, doing the exact opposite, pounds so fast he’s surprised it doesn’t beat out of his chest like they do in cartoons. But why would it, when it’s too busy pumping blood down south?

Dean tears his eyes away from the incredibly attractive sight of Cas on his knees and faces Michaelangel-Bones as if the skeleton’s gonna help him keep it in his pants. Although, weirdly enough, thinking about the disturbing skeleton whose not-eyes follow him around the studio actually does help Dean squash down his inappropriate thoughts about his roommate. Just to be on the safe side, he conjures a few very unsexy images (the time he accidentally walked in on his parents doing the horizontal tango, him and Charlie pigging out at the local buffet, stuffing their mouths and making gross faces at one another) all in an effort to get Little Dean under control.

Once his thoughts, feelings, heart, and Little Dean are all under control, he risks glancing down at Cas.

Cas who’s carrying on, painting God-knows-what on Dean’s stomach, casual as can be, completely oblivious to Dean’s internal monologue, seemingly unaffected by being practically face-to-face with Little Dean. He’s staring at Dean’s pudgy stomach with the same intensity as earlier when he was painting Dean’s chest.

All of Dean’s hard (heh) work making sure Little Dean behaves himself almost goes out the window when he notices Cas is sticking his tongue out a little in concentration and Dean wishes he was using his tongue for something else.

Dean berates himself for going down that road before thinking unsexy thoughts again, Don’t think about that, think about the time we didn’t realize Miracle was a girl until she had puppies. He better get his thoughts about Cas under control before he runs out of unsexy thoughts and Cas ends up coming face-to-face with Dean’s feelings for him. The last thing Dean wants is to make things awkward between them by being forced to admit he’s been in love with his best friend for years because said friend notices his boner.

"Done with the front," Cas chimes in. Thank God, Dean thinks, the torture is over. Dean's heart rate begins to slow down a bit and his thoughts settle. He relaxes.

That is, until Cas says, "Now it's time for the back," his voice a bit deeper than usual, giving Dean a nervous yet appreciative smile and Dean's heartbeat spikes all over again.

He returns Cas' smile, hoping he doesn't look as nervous as his friend did while trying not to let his mind run wild with possible explanations for Cas' nervousness.

Instead, Dean focuses on Cas and his friend walks around him, deliberately not facing Dean, squeezes out some light blue and some yellow paint onto his clear, paint-covered pallet, cleans his current brush and gets a new one.

Dean clears his throat. "So, uh, whatcha workin' on?" He asks in an effort to distract himself, fidgeting with the hem of his jeans. It's not that he's not interested in what Cas is doing, whatever it is he's doing, it's just that he really needs a distraction from the heat of Cas' hand on his waist.

"I'm painting a tree on your chest and the rest of the garden on your back." Cas responds just as his brush begins to paint long, broad strokes across his tailbone.

Dean shivers from the touch which only makes Cas squeeze his waist and now Dean's shuddering for a completely different reason.

"Dean, I need you to stay still, please." Cas reminds him, stern but not unkindly, pausing his process while Dean gets himself under control.

"Sorry." Dean replies. Once Dean is still, Cas continues painting across his back. It tickles a little as the bristles leave trails of cold, wet, and slightly slimy paint over his muscles.

Dean feels more than sees Cas’ precise brushing motions, feels Cas’ hot breath heat up the goosebumps adorning his skin and his breath hitches.

Cas stops painting.

Dean looks over his shoulder to find Cas already staring at him. He meets Cas’ gaze and swallows. “Everything alright, Cas?” Dean speaks softly into the space between them, which, Dean notices, isn’t much.

“Dean, I...” Cas trails off.

This close, Dean can see his friend’s dilated pupils and he’s certain his are, too. “Yeah, Cas?” Dean asks softly and tentatively, worried that if he speaks too loudly it’ll ruin the moment between them, pop it like a bubble. He swallows again, somewhere in the back of his mind wondering when his mouth got so dry.

Cas responds by leaning into Dean’s space and all his thoughts about his feelings for his roommate ruining their friendship fly out the window as Cas lightly rakes his nails up Dean’s side, over his shoulder blade, and down his arm.

Dean shudders in response, loving the feel of Cas’ hand on his body, although he wishes the guy would put both hands on him.

Cas’ hand slides down his Dean’s arm slowly, as if afraid going any faster might scare Dean off. 

Once Dean feels Cas’ hand in his own, he intertwines their fingers and squeezes his hand as if to say I’m not going anywhere.

The soft look in Cas’s eyes becomes so intense, Dean’s surprised his pupils aren’t heart-shaped like in cartoons. Nevertheless, he returns Cas’ heart eyes and he swears he stops breathing and his heart stops beating in his chest as the world around them disappears.

No more sunlight streaming through the windows, no more Michael Angel-bones staring creepily at Dean, no more cold, wet paint drying slowly on his skin; only him and Cas and the small space between them that keeps getting smaller and smaller until their lips brush.

He distantly hears Cas’ paintbrush clatter as it falls on the floor but Cas runs his now empty hand through Dean’s hair and nothing else matters except closing the all but nonexistent space between them.

He’s not sure who moves first, only that one second there is a space between them and the next second Cas’ chapped, pillow-y lips are on his.

The angle is awkward and hurts Dean’s neck but it’s worth it because the kiss is sweet and gentle and everything he’s ever dreamed of and more.

They part only when they run out of breath and Dean rests his forehead on Cas’. They keep their eyes closed a little while longer, still a bit dazed from their kiss.

After a few moments, Dean slowly turns around. He opens his eyes and takes in the sight of Cas' unruly hair, heart eyes, the tiny blush coloring his cheeks, and his spit-slicked lips. Gazing into Cas' eyes, Dean finally understands what that funny yet warm feeling ballooning in his chest is.

Love.

"I love you," Dean blurts out, his mouth moving faster than his brain can keep up. He looks down at Cas' shirt collar, unable to meet his gaze, afraid of what he might see.

"I love you, too," Dean looks up at Cas' wavering tone. Cas' eyes are watery and Dean wipes the single tear streaming down his face.

"You - you do?" Dean whispers in disbelief. Somebody pinch him because he must be dreaming if his hot best friend actually reciprocates. "L-love me? Like, love me, love me?" Dean clarifies. It's stupid and he's well aware it is but he has to know, he has to make sure Cas doesn't mean it in the friend way.

"Yes, Dean," Cas answers in a steadier voice with a chuckle and Dean's heart soars. "I love you, love you."

Dean wraps his arms around Cas' neck and pulls him in for a desperate kiss.

Cas must have been expecting it because he wastes no time wrapping his arms around Dean's waist and giving as good as he’s getting.

They make out for several minutes, only pausing to breathe, letting their lips do all the talking, their kisses saying everything they've never dared speak out loud.

Eventually, Cas breaks the kiss and Dean whimpers at the loss of contact. As they separate, Cas’ shirt peels off of Dean’s chest, which feels really tacky. Dean and Cas wear matching grimaces as they take in the paint on Cas’ shirt. It’s the mirror image of the tree and grass painted on Dean’s chest except the edges are smeared making it look like a blurry photograph. 

Dean stares at Cas’ shirt a little longer before the realization that he ruined Cas’ painting hits him. The color drains from his face as he looks at Cas with wide eyes. “Your painting, Cas, man, I am so sorry —”

Cas meets his look and his grimace gives way to a small smile and he lifts one shoulder in a shrug, as if to say what can you do? “Dean,” he interrupts, putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“But I ruined your —” Dean tries.

“Dean, it’s alright.” He reassures. “You didn’t ruin anything.” A pause. “And if I recall correctly —” he smirks as his cheeks fill with a rosy pink color, “— I am equally to blame for ruining my project.”

Dean glances at Cas’ discarded paintbrush on the ground, rubbing the back of his neck at the memory of them making out moments ago. “Still…” Unconvinced and a bit guilty despite Cas’ reassurance, Dean prompts.

“Besides,” Cas grabs his hands. “I have more important things to do.” Cas gives him a very heated and suggestive look. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

Dean swallows, hard, and nods a response, speechless at Cas’ words. He’s never really seen this side of his roommate and best friend but he is not complaining and plans on taking full advantage of this newfound discovery. 

And in the middle of the day, in the middle of the art classroom, he does just that, Cas’ painting long forgotten in favor of doing another kind of project.

[kyber-crystal]

A-Z List of Fluff

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: An alphabetic list of yours and Steve’s dynamic relationship. 

Warnings: none, mainly just fluff and very very slight mentions of violence but that’s it :)

A/N: I combined these prompts from multiple people, so credits to all of them <3 @goldenhour-goldenboy​ . this is a friends to lovers trope :) Some letters are repeated. bcI wanted to add in an extra concept. This is prolly gonna flop bc its not a traditional oneshot, but I wanted to publish something for y’all while I’m editing my WIPs

A= Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Steve loves everything about you, but the two things that really drew him to you was your smile and compassion. Your smile and laugh were extremely infectious - nobody could stay mad for long when you were cracking a grin. Despite having been through hell in the past: overcoming many hardships and enduring countless difficult wars, you managed to find it in your heart to keep faith in humanity and always held your head up high no matter what. You were always respectful and kind to everyone around you, and he greatly admired that.

B= Best memory (What is the best memory they have with you?)

One weekend after a particularly rough mission in Eastern Europe, Fury forced the Avengers on a team vacation to Bora Bora for two weeks. During that time, you and Steve had grown extremely close - taking daily sunset walks, surfing together, and swimming with dolphins. It was a jam-packed fourteen days to remember. He loved seeing you genuinely happy as you got to relax.

C= Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

You’d moved in to DC together after the Battle of New York, and often times you spent evenings on the couch eating takeout while wrapped up in each others’ arms, so cuddling is almost second nature for him. He’ll come up behind you on nights you’re in charge of cooking for the team, wrapping his arms around you and nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck as you prepared dinner. He loves to cuddle and he’s built perfectly for them. His muscular figure and warm arms make the best cuddles. Sometimes, he’ll randomly come into your room in the middle of the night and snuggle up against you. You’ll wake up in the morning to see him holding you tightly like a koala, an arm draped protectively around your torso and his legs entangled with yours. The team likes to tease you about your close-knit relationship and as in love with him as you were with each other, you kept trying to deny it in fears of those feelings not being returned. 

D= Dreams (What do they want to do in life?)

Steve is a very determined and headstrong man, with the desire to fight for his country and its citizens having been ingrained in the back of his head since he was a mere teenager. He doesn’t know when he’ll retire and give up the title of Captain America, but for the time being, he wants to keep doing what he’s doing. He loves his job and his teammates - he wouldn’t trade them for the world. But he knows he’d like to marry you and start a family with you someday.

E= Everything (You are my ___ (e.g my life, my world…))

“You are my infinity.”

F= Feelings (When did they know they were falling in love?)

You were on a quad mission with him, Sam, Bucky, and Wanda to take down a Hydra base stationed in northern Serbia. Steve was stuck in a fistfight with one of the agents and you could see another approaching from behind to ambush him, and you knew if you didn’t step up and do something, that he would die. So without a moment’s hesitation you ran into the crossfire, taking the bullet that was meant for him, straight to your stomach.

As upset as he was with you for getting injured, he couldn’t help the feeling of pride and awe in his chest at your unwavering willingness to lay your life on the line for those you loved; your selflessness. 

And he knew in that moment, he’d fallen for you, and fallen hard.

G= Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Steve’s naturally a gentle person (though he’s an absolute beast on the battlefield, with those skills of his) and everyone on the team can clearly see he has a big soft spot for you. He’s always extremely gentle and very polite: holding the door open for you, putting his hand out in front of the elevator doors so you can step in, and makes sure not to squish you too tightly because his bear hugs can be quite strong. Essentially, the man is a giant puppy.

H= Hand/Hold (How do they like to hold? How do they like to hold hands?)

He absolutely loves holding hands. It’s been a frequent habit of his - both platonic and non-platonic. He’ll take your hand in his and intertwine your fingers together, and when he senses that you’re anxious about a situation, he’ll begin rubbing circles across your palm to calm you down. Like always, the team goes nuts whenever you two do so much as make eye contact, because you’re acting like a couple but aren’t doing anything about it.

I= Impression (First Impression)

From the moment you first met, you and Steve were attached at the hip. Having been 27 when he came out of the ice, and you being just a couple years behind him at 24, you were assigned to help him adjust. He remembers seeing you walk in with your radiant smile and your head held high, greeting him politely. He particularly liked how patient you were with him, taking him around the city and updating him on all there was to know, answering all his questions. By the time you both joined the Avengers Initiative, and the Battle of New York came and went, you were practically inseparable.

I= I love you (Who says it first?)

Steve does. You’re already very comfortable around one another that he doesn’t think before saying it. It was so out of the blue when it happened - you were in charge of dinner for the team one night when he came and kissed your cheek as a thank-you, saying a quick “I love you, darling,” before sitting down between Natasha and Sam, who looked just as shocked as you did. 

“So are you guys dating or what?” Bucky questioned. 

“No,” you and Steve replied in unison, though your cheeks were both bright red.

J= Joker (Are they into pranks?)

He’s not a huge prankster like Loki and Sam, but occasionally he’ll walk up behind you and whisper ‘Boo!” into your ear, making you jump and scream lightly, whacking him in the shoulder from shock. But you realize it’s just him, not someone else - and quickly burst into laughter. It’s impossible for you to get mad at America’s golden boy.

K= Kisses (How do they kiss?)

Contrary to your initial belief, he doesn’t mind PDA at all. You would often joke around about people mistaking you two as a couple because of how close you were. You’d greet each other in the morning with a kiss on the cheek (earning snickers from Bucky and Sam), and he’d say goodnight by kissing you lightly on the forehead.

His kisses are very gentle and wholehearted, yet filled with passion at the same time. You can almost never get enough.

Your first kiss wasn’t how you thought it’d be at all. It was on a Costco grocery run one Sunday afternoon when you were trying to reach up to one of the higher racks to grab something, struggling on your tiptoes. He offered to help you and as he pulled the item down, you’d grown rather close, literally - with your lips being just a few centimeters apart. Oh, screw it, he thought to himself, placing a hand on the small of your back and pulling you to him, pressing his lips to yours. 

L= Little Things (What little things do they love/notice.)

Steve notices that whenever you’re extremely focused on something, you bite your bottom lip and an adorable little crease between your brows appears. He always likes to tease you about it.

M= Moment (Their favorite moment.)

Getting caught under the mistletoe at Tony’s party. As cheesy as it sounded, it was your guys’ favorite moment together. When his eyes landed on you in your shimmery gown, his heart began to race. You were the literal definition of a dream, perfection. And when he finally kissed you it felt like fireworks were going off in his chest, electricity shooting through his body as your lips met. It was only your second official kiss but everything about it felt so real, so true, so right - that he couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else.

N= Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Steve doesn’t normally go way over-the-top when it comes to gifts, but whenever it’s a major holiday or your birthday, he goes all-out. He’s a very good listener, so he’ll take note of the things you like that come up in conversation and take notes later, and will buy you those exact things. He loves seeing your face light up as you receieve his gifts - that’s when he knew he loved giving more than getting. 

O= Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

Red. You’re bright-spirited and confident and kindhearted all at the same time, and not to mention powerful - just like the color itself. He can’t help but notice how good you look whenever you wear red - especially in your stealth suit with its’ burgundy highlights. He has to be paired up with Bucky all the time on missions so he wouldn’t get hurt while he was distracted with watching you fight.

P= Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

Sweetheart, love, darling, doll, honey, etc. <3 (and once again, the team is frustrated because you’re acting like a couple but haven’t even started dating)

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Steve naturally has a better-than-average memory, but he remembers much more about you than the rest of the team does. He knows your birthday, your favorite color, your likes and dislikes, and every little detail. He remembers all the little things. He can’t help but remember everything when he’s so in love with you. And when he brings this up into conversation, it makes you fall even harder for him.

R= Rainy Days (How does he/she comfort them on dark days?)

You don’t have to tell Steve directly for him to be able to tell when something’s wrong. He knows you like the back of his hand, a skill nobody else on the team had. When you’re rather quiet after a rough mission or just feeling down in the dumps, he doesn’t talk, doesn’t ask any intrusive questions (he knows you hate it when people do that), and just pulls you into a warm embrace and holds you until you feel better. And usually, that’s all that’s needed to lift your spirits.

S= Soft (Something one of them did that turned the other into absolute mush.)

When he called you by a pet name for the first time. It was in the middle of an intense sparring match together in the boxing ring, the team eagerly watching from the sidelines as you circled each other. “You’re tough, but you’re gonna have to try harder than that, sweetheart,” he murmured into your ear. You froze, taken aback, and in that moment of hesitation he whipped around and put you into a firm headlock. 

“The tension is through the roof here, I swear to Odin’s beard,” Sam groaned. “Just date already.”

S= Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Steve is extremely protective of you. He’ll make sure to walk on the outside when you’re walking down the sidewalk together because as he insisted to you, “your safety is my number one priority”, often pairs up with you on missions to look out after you and if not, constantly checks in via comms to make sure you’re alright. With the way he’s constantly hovering over you, the team likes to tease him for acting like a worried boyfriend or husband. 

T= Talking (What do they love to talk about?)

Anything and everything that comes to mind, whether that be old memories together, favorite memories with the team, your childhoods, or what was on the news that day. You could go on talking for hours at a time - in fact, there were many occasions in which you stayed up all night together, sitting around on the sofas in the lounge with mugs of hot chocolate in hand and the fireplace on, warming your bodies as you spoke.

U= Universe (Use a metaphor, what are they to each other? (e.g he was the universe, ever-changing and mysterious.))

Before you became an Avenger, you were one of twenty-eight dancer-trained enhanced assassins of the Red Room Academy alongside Natasha. A doubtful fighter, you, along with Natasha, were taken under Tony’s wing to further your training with SHIELD. Before becoming an Avenger, your life was a mess. You lost your family at a young age, torn away from the life you’d known as a little girl, forced to grow up too fast. So meeting Steve was like taking a breath of fresh air. He was your safe haven. He was a life raft and you were lost at sea, his presence serving as a reminder that you were in fact, still sane and not just drifting mindlessly through space.

V = Vaunt. (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Obviously, his strength and speed. He purposely lifts heavier weights in front of you while you’re training in the gym with him. “It’s arm day today,” he’d whisper, sending you a flirty wink as he flexed his biceps. You blushed. Bucky snorted and rolled his eyes.

W= Why (Reasons why they love you.)

There are so many reasons for him to love you. One, you give him a sense of peace and happiness, of home. You were his home. He felt like he could trust you with anything, as you were very easy to talk to. Steve loves how he could just be himself around you, as well as your competitive nature - that��s why he always asks you to go on his morning runs with him. And he loves your kind heart. You’ve seen and experienced far more war, more bloodshed and violence than anyone should have to experience in ten lifetimes, and still, forced yourself to be kind and gentle, to soften your heart. He loves you with his whole heart and soul and wouldn’t trade you for the world.

X= Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Electric Love by Børns. After a nice dinner at Olive Garden together one Friday night, you decided to go on a little late night drive throughout the city. With the windows of the Audi rolled down, the wind in your hair as your face lit up and you grinned from ear to ear, you both sang at the top of your lungs as you made your way through busy New York. He fell in love with you even more, if that was even possible.

Y= Youtube (What are they like online? Do they post about their relationship constantly?)

After several days of you pushing him to get Instagram, he finally made an account (quickly catching up to your 30-point-something million followers). He loves to post about you and your adventures outside of missions together and whenever he does, his followers go absolutely crazy. 

Z= Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?)

An adorable mixed breed. You’re both left with cleared schedules on one Monday morning after breakfast, so you decide to head out to the shelter. There’s one dog that stands out to him above the rest, and as soon as he sees them come running up to you and jumping around you, he knows that’s the one. You settle on the name Dodger and take it home. The entire team spoils him to death.

[scentedsongrebel]

Waiting for light (1/3)

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Female! Reader

Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Bucky finds himself living in his worst nightmare.

Warnings: Cursing maybe?, sexual references but no actual smut, Violence, memory loss, gun use, incorrect medical terms (maybe), angst, so much angst, Mentions of faith and god (no talks of religion), please tell me if I miss any...

Word Count: ~7k

A/N: So this is my entry for @xbuchananbarnes ‘s Dani’s Awesome Writing Challenge Mix Vol. 1, #danisawesomewcmix. Congratulations on your milestone, you totally deserve it! My prompt was 7.“I’m gonna die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy”. 

This would be a 2 part series because it got too long and I had to split it. I’m so sorry for the heavy angst in this one but this story was in my mind for a while and it fit perfectly in my prompt.

Also sorry if it gets too dramatic. I live for the Drama!

This story is not edited yet.

The sun shines with the remnants of a hectic day as it prepares for its slumber. Right in the path that is eliminated with the last specks of light, a Man drags a Woman.

One arm around her neck keeping her close, the other holding a gun to her head. He slowly moves back, dragging her with him until they reach a point where there was no going further.

The Avengers surround them from all sides, weapons raised and warnings screamed. The Man seems to not care as he presses the revolver harder into your head, eliciting a groan of pain from your lips.

Your legs hurt from the bone you're sure you've broken and blood runs down different wounds, locations of which are unknown.

"You gonna kill me" he smiles devilishly "I'm gonna take your girl with me"

An increase in the pressure around your neck causing you to see black spots.

"Listen Castle" Steve moves in closer "We can work through this just let her go"

"Work through this huh Captain?" Castle spits blood on the ground "I know how this gonna work, I leave her, you kill me"

"No you leave her and we let you live" Tony raises his hand, the mask of his iron man suit opening up.

"I would consider that option of course Stark but what is life really" The guy muses then laughs menacingly "I serve Hydra, my purpose is Hydra and what better way do die than by serving Hydra"

"I can name so many better ways" Tony tries to move forward but a warning glare and pressure of the gun against your head is warning enough to stop him

Castle shakes his head, a wicked smile staying on his lips "Taking the Soldat's girl with me, punishing him for everything he did to Hydra after his betrayal, seems like the best way to go and because I love to increase the pain, you got any last words sweetheart?"

You cringe at the use of the name only Bucky is allowed to call you as you try to pull away the last time before looking the love of your life directly in the eyes.

"Bucky" you whisper, eyes shining with tears you use everything in you to hold back. He tries to reach out to you, tries to say something but the only sound coming out of his petrified mouth his a whisper of your name, so faint you may have missed it if you weren't so acquainted with every movement of his lips.

"Bucky listen" you whisper as a drop of tear rolls down your eye "You have to move on, take care of my babies please."

"Y/n"

"Nat, you take care of my girl and boys. Help him move on, move forward, use your Nat skills to force him into dating again"

Natasha shakes her head, her gun raised at the perpetrator. They all stand hopeless, you are at the end of the cliff, one shot, one wrong move and its over for you. Her eyes give you an answer but you still smile. Assuring her through it that you want her to do that for you. You know she will come around someday.

"And at least I’m gonna die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy”

And you can see how that one line affects everyone of your friends, your family. For 10 years you've said this exact line before every mission. As a little stress buster, a hammer on the ice that embraces the entire atmosphere in its cold clutches before every single mission. Because no matter how easy a mission, a fear of this being the last one for someone pertains.

The idiots, your idiots you are gonna die surrounded by would be Steve, Natasha, Tony and your Bucky. Maybe if there were more there was a chance for you but you know at this point it isn't. These are the last moments and you wanna make sure they know you were yourself when you leave.

"Bucky take care of m yourself and my babies please"

"No Y/n you are not-"

"That's ENOUGH" the guy screams in your ear readying his gun and Bucky reacts on instinct. It was now or never. Pulling out his gun and shooting directly at the Man's face, another one at his hand, making sure to miss you.

The man falls back off the cliff, taking with and Bucky lets out an ear piercing scream.

"Y/N" be runs to follow you down the cliff before being harshly grabbed by Natasha and Steve. He is sobbing, openly now like the rest of them are before a gush of wind shoots out through and up flies a figure from the end of the cliff.

His wings flap a last time before Sam lands down on the ground. An unconscious figure in his arms.

You.

-------------

The loud voice rings through the open air as many people cringe and nonchalantly try to cover their ears so as not to offend the source of the noise.

You sit on Bucky's lap, between his legs on the front most table (a little away from the stage thank god!) because he insisted that now he is legally certified to keep you as close to him as he wants.

Steve tried to remind him that is not what marriage means.

Bucky tried to remind him he was an irritating punk.

A loud screech reaches your ears and Bucky buries his face in the back of your neck trying to muffle the sound.

"Why would you put me through this" he whispers in your ears from behind.

"Shhh" you turn your head to the side a little to talk to him "He was so excited to do this performance. What was I supposed to do? Tell him no?"

"That's what any sensible bride would have would. You are ruining our wedding"

You roll your eyes and turn more in his lap to get a better view of his face

"Our wedding is perfect. No one can ruin it"

Bucky shakes his head, smiling and taking your kips in a soft kiss which is broken up when Sam plays a very high note and Bucky has to take a wincing break.

"You know, I hate the let anyone do anything they want for our wedding rule"

"But Honey" you say turning back to look at the happy Sam trying and horribly failing at playing the bagpipe "It makes them so happy. They are all excited for us and I wanted them to be able to take part in this however they like"

Bucky groans and turns you to face him again as nuzzles into your neck.

"You are gonna be the death of me Mrs. Barnes" he places a soft kiss on your jaw

You let out a soft laugh just as the instrumental noises get louder and now people have started covering their ears, leaving behind any thoughts of discretion.

"I love you" you say, moving your arms around his neck.

"I love you too" he says and then gives you a kiss on the lips and then whispers in your ear "And I can't wait to get you away from here and all to myself"

You laugh at that whispering a me too in his ear before turning back as Sam reaches his ending verse.

When the performance is over, the round of applause is so loud, you are sure people on the streets can hear it despite the fact that you stand on the roof of a very tall building.

Bucky even gives a standing ovation and you know all this is because the thing is over. You just shake your head as Tony is whistling

 in excitement and Clint is popping champagne in celebration. God these guys were so extra sometimes.

Just as the applause dies down Sam beams at his audience, not really understanding the reason of the clapping.

Just as Sam comes down the stage and Bucky thinks he can celebrate the end of his ear being tortured. There is a new person getting on stage.

Steve smiles at the audience as he plugs in his electric guitar that he has been taking lessons for. Bucky's eyes widen and for a moment he thinks maybe it will be fine but then Steve hits the first note, singing too this time and he gets back down on the chair, pulling you to his lap again.

You give him a small guilty smile "Its not that bad"

Bucky sighs

"Your gonna be the death of me Mrs. Barnes"

----------------

Bucky sat at the fluffy chair Steve had bought for him saying if he's gonna spend all his free time here the least he can do is keep him comfortable and back pain free. Bucky is not sure he can even have back pain.

He leans forward, holding your hand close to his heart as he speaks "and then she asked me If plants need rain and sun to grow, and rainbows are made of light and water, are rainbows plant food?"

He laughs as he tells you that, looking over at your bed laid body for a sign to want to say something back. When you stay still he sighs and continues "What did I say you ask? I just nodded and agreed with her" a deep laugh "I mean what else am I supposed to even say right? God Y/n our little girl is getting so smart with age-"

"Definitely taking after and mother than"

Bucky swiftly turns around, taking up a protective stance in front of you as he turns to look at the intruder.

"Geez chill Barnes. Its just me" she raises her hands, then crosses them before leaning on the door frame sideways for support.

"What have I said about sneaking up on me" Bucky asks with a sigh, sitting down again

"Not to do it or you may end up killing me" she says nonchalantly

"Yet you don't stop"

"Yet you don't kill me"

Bucky just shakes his head, taking hold of your hand and placing a soft kiss on you knuckles.

"How is she?" Natasha asks from behind him

"Like she is everyday" he says plainly

She just nods her head, staying quiet for a while before moving forward and taking a seat herself on the other side of your bed

"Buvk we need to-"

"No"

"James listen we need to-"

"Don't you dare say it Natalia" he growls at her, eyes holding so much anger any other person would have ran for their lives. But Natasha was not any other person maybe that is why she was the one here for this talk

"Well Steve is too concerned about you to say it, Sam is too emotional, others don't have the courage to do it which means I have to be the one to say it"

He glares at her which she returns with concerned eyes. They stay there looking at each other for a while before Nat sighs and starts

"We have to decide if she would have wanted this"

"I have to decide and my decision is made"

"James its been 6 months"

"They said there was brain activity" Bucky screams at her

"They also said that she may always be in vegetative state. Do you really think Y/n would want that?"

At the mention of your name he quickly turns to look at you. His beautiful girl, his wife, lying of the bed, lifeless. Your hand is connected to an IV and a ventilator provides air to your body. Your head bald and bandaged after surgery and a feeding tube going in your nose. Your eyes are closed and Bucky had to close his too because its getting too much. He turns back to Natasha.

"I don't care what she would have wanted"

"James-"

"No don't James me Natalia. You won't understand. I will not let my kids grow up without their mother"

"A mother who may never wake up"

And that is enough for Bucky as he suddenly gets up from his chair pushing it back causing it to fall down with a loud BHOM!. He turns to Natasha, eyes blaxing with her anger he moves closer to her.

Natasha takes a step back, scared for her well being for the first time since she entered the room. He comes closer until he is just inches from her and looks down at her figure

"What do you want me to do huh? Kill her" he growls "Add the love of my life to the list?"

"James" Nat can feel the tears form in her own eyes as a single drop falls down Bucky's. She knew this conversation was going to be hard. It was hell for her to even think about the mere possibility of having to pull the plug on you but in times like these someone had to be a voice of reason, to hold everyone together.

"Natalia" he whispers through more tears "I can't tell my Matilda and Nixon I didn't fight for their mother when they grow up and ask about her. I can't let go until the doctors tell me there is no chance for her to wake up. Not the she may never. I want the she will never before I even think about it ok? Because if I have to, I am okay, completely happy to live with this hope, to be able to hold her hand and smell her scent, to listen to her heartbeat. So please let me have this for a while before I think of other things and if you or anyone has a problem with this then tell me and I will take my wife and kids and get away from your lives".

Nat just shakes her head as a sob escapes her lips and she moves forward, engulfing Bucky in a hug as she lets out cries. He stays still for a second before hugging her back, letting out his own silent sobs.

"She will be okay" He says pulling away from Nat and looking at you "I know she will"

----------------

All the avengers look up at the door when someone barges in. Nat's shoulders are slumped and her usually stiff posture is crumpled as she takes a seat at the table of the conference.

Tony moves to ask her something but she is faster to speak

"I can't do it" she sighs shaking her head. Her eyes bloodshot and the only indication of her previously crying state. "I thought I was ready but I'm not"

"None of us are ready" Steve moves to place his hand on hers "We just need to talk about this as a possibility so as if one day-" he stops to take a deep breath "if one day, if we have to we are prepared to be their for Buck and the kids"

"Bucky also needs to think about this possibility" Pepper points out shaking her head "We need to say this to him no matter how much it hurts because its not just him, he would have to hold it together for the twins"

"I hate this" Sam grumbles looking at his hands on the table in front of him

"We all do birdbrain" Tony sighs from his place looking around at the dejected faces of his team mates, friends and family minus two "Well all hate this with a passion"

----------------

The birds were chirping in welcome to the early morning sun while Bucky was looking at your sleeping form.

There were very few days that would start this way. Usually you both were not early birds in any chance and tried to stay in bed as long as you can before yoh needed to get off and get to work.

Bucky lets the soothing rhythm of your steady heartbeat calm his mind as he closes his eyes in bliss. He loved these mornings with you. Even if you two would move away sometime during the night, by the mornings you just found your way back into his arms.

He listens to the steady dhap dhap fhap dhap before something catches his ears and he swiftly opens his eyes.

Moving to get a clear sound and yes he can hear it. He carefully moves your hands away from his waist as he starts to move away ignoring from whining groan.

He moves the blanket covering your naked body and moves his hand over your stomach before bending and placing his ear on it.

And his heart skips a beat as he hears it. Loud and clear. He hears it.

"Bucky" you groan as you move to sit up, leaning against the headboard "What happened"

Bucky ignores you as he moves to place his ear against your stomach again and yup its still there.

His eyes fill up with tears he can't control and he looks up at you wifh those shining blue eyes.

"Hey baby what's wrong" You try to move closer to him, moving your hands to his cheeks

Bucky shakes his head, trying to process, trying to let out words but all he can do is give you a soft smile as a tear rolls down his eye.

"I hear heartbeat" he says slowly

Your eyebrows knit together and a frown makes home on your face "Umm. Yeah I know you can hear my heartbeat. It stopped being creepy long ago"

"No" Bucky shakes his head, trying to pull himself together, to control the sea of emotions going through him right now

"I-I-I hear a-a heartbeat" he says slowly, smiling at you and pointing at your stomach

You look at him in confusion for a while, clearly early mornings are not good for you and now he is gonna make sure you get as much sleep as you want. A moment before understanding draws on your face and you move your hand to cover your mouth

You look at your husband with wide eyes and he nods his head through the tears and suddenly you let a little happy sob

"I'm pregnant?" You look at him questioningly

Bucky nods his head excitedly "There is a heartbeat right here" he points at your stomach "faint but it there".

You try to move your head towards your stomach, to have a listen yourself but failing of course before looking at Bucky again

"And and you are okay with this?" You ask slowly

"Could not be more happy doll" he whispers moving closer and taking your lips in his "you have given me everything I never thought I could have"

You smile at him before pulling away "Wait" you say holding up a finger to stop him from kissing you again "We can't celebrate until we are sure"

"I am sure doll" he moves a string of your hair that was falling on your face behind your ear.

"No no" you laugh trying to speak as he keeps kissing you again and again "We need a doctor confirmation"

"Whatever you want" he says as he lays you down on his bed and starts his expedition of your body

"Just be ready to be pampered a whole lot more now my love"

------------------

"And this one" his little girl moves another piece of drawing in front of him as he scans through all the drawings previously laid in front of him. Pictures of what he could only guess are of the four of you together. His family in stick figures. One of all the Avengers and their kids. One of him and his metal arm, one of the black widow with her symbol besides her, captain america with his sheild, the falcon flying in the sky, the iron man and so many other drawings that would be nothing but ugly for someone outside these four walls. But within, these were masterpieces that were all gonna be pinned at the pin board you had specially bought to pin these drawings to when the fridge doors were full.

"Wow these are all so pretty sweetie" he says with adoration "it seems like they were made by an artist"

She laughs at that moving another piece of art near his face and he feels his heart stop "This one is Mom"

She says brightly looking at his face for another compliment. He looks the drawing over, a woman with her hair pulled up because you never understood how girls like Nat didn't get irritated by the hair constantly falling on their faces. The stick figure rendition is a little weird but the little Mom besides the figure makes him smile.

"This one is the best" he gives her the biggest smile she can nodding his head

"It is isn't it" she says taking hold of the picture and waving it up and down "that's because its of mom"

Bucky fakes a look of shock, looking at the picture again "oh yeah that's why it looks so good. Because your mom makes everything she is a part of beautiful doesn't she"

Matilda nods her head vigorously before giving the picture back to her father "So can we put it up on the board"

He nods his head "All of these belong on the board. These are all brilliant. You're gonna be a little artist like your Uncle Stevie aren't you?"

She nods her head following him as he moves to pin the pictures on the board "Yes and Uncle Steve said he would buy me that big water color set for my birthday"

"Uncle Steve loves to spoil you doesn't he" Bucky mutters, moving to pin every single picture on the board. His eyes fall on every other picture previously attached to the board you had made sure covered an entire wall of the kids' playroom so there was always room for their art. There were works of both the kids from school and some they made at home themselves. You had always taken pride in everything your children created and never let anything be put anywhere except for this board.

Just as he attaches the last piece of drawing on the board a thought pops in his head

"Hey you didn't draw a picture of your brother?" Bucky asks curiously looking down at her "You always draw one of him too"

She frowns at the mention of her twin and looks down at her shoes

"I don't like Nixon". She mutters angrily

"Well of course you don't like him he's your brother, you love him" Bucky teases, bending down to reach her level

Her face scrunches at his comment and she shakes her head in disgust

"No, I don't love him, I hate him"

Bucky shakes his head "What does mom say about that word?"

"That we should not hate anyone" she mutters still looking down "but-but Nixon just makes me so angry"

Bucky can't help but smile at that, his kids just can't seem to go a day without fighting it seems

"And what happened this this?"

"I showed him the picture of mom I drew" she starts to say looking at Bucky with shining eyes "And when I said I will show it to her when she wakes up, he said she won't wake up"

Bucky feels his heart stop at her words and he freezes on the spot. 'How did- What did he-' . A million thoughts run down his mind. He had worked so hard to keep his kids happy and feel everything was alright. He had made sure they don't have to bear the burden of the harsh situation. He had made sure they don't have to worry about this exact possibility then how did he find out? Who the hell told his little boy things they didn't deserve to tell him.

Anger shoots through his veins which he tries to control as he looks at Matilda with a smile, trying to mask his real emotions like every time

"What?" He shakes his head "That's not true"

Matilda nods at him and moves her arms around his neck and he takes her in his arms

"I said that but he said he heard doctors talking about her in the medical area"

Bucky had made sure their were no talks about your condition in front of his kids. He made sure there was no doctor near the room when he brought his kids over for visits with their mother and kept and eye and his ears alert to make sure they don't hear anything they don't need to.

Then who the hell was this doctor that told this to his son. Bucky felt rage again only calmed by the crying daughter in his arms. Someone was gonna loose their job for making his daughter cry like this.

He rubs his hands on her back, trying to keep himself together for her sake and muttering soothing words of its fine, mom's fine in her ears.

He talks to her, reassures her of her mom's well being for atleast 10 mins before the 'when will she even wake up' and 'I miss her's' quieten down she starts to fall asleep in his arms, tired from an entire hectic day of school, drawing and crying.

He hates that his children have to go through this. He hates that his bad luck, the beef that the old ladies of faith have with him is affecting his wife and kids like this. Hates how he tells his kids he would protect them from anything yet not being able to protect them from this heartbreak.

He picks Matilda up and moves to her room - separate from her twin's because you and Bucky could not deal with more fights of which color would the walls be and what bed would belong to which child-

He tucks his little girl in her bed, kissing her forehead and wishing her goodnight before switching off the main light and turning on the night light.

He looks at his daughter one last time before sighing and leaving the room.

He needs to have a talk with a little man.

---------------

"Will you stop pouting like that" you say from your place on the bed

"I don't like this" he says with a frown

"Well you don't have to" you give him a small smile "What do you want me to do? Not get the life saving operation"

"Well I need you to take care of yourself" he moves forward in his chair to hold your hand

"Then what would you do?" A cheeky smile. Bucky is not amused

"This is not a joke Y/n" he says seriously "Its not just you anymore, what would I say to the kids if something happened to you. You can't be so reckless during missions"

You sigh moving to make space on your hospital bed so he can lie besides you. When you pat the bed, gesturing for him to join you in he seems hesitant before he sighs and gets on the bed with you, moving his arm to place it around your shoulder

"I'm so sorry James" you say moving closer to him and resting your head on his chest "You know how long we were hunting Castle for. He was the last one of those after our kids, I couldn’t have let him get away and if I hadn’t had been injured, you know there was no chance he could have pulled something like that”

Bucky sighs nodding his head "Now we can be free, maybe I can finally retire"

Your hand that was rubbing circles on his chest stops its motion and you move away to get a clear view of his face. He gives you a small smile before he pecks your lips

"I've been thinking about it, about being a stay at home dad" he says "I am tired of fighting. I am done with this business. Maybe I was for a long time but I never knew how to stop and now I do. I wanna take care of my kids and wait for my wife to come home from saving the world"

"Bucky" you whisper moving your palm to rest on his cheek

"I know you love the fight and I don't want you to stop but for myself I just want to be a house husband. I have enough money from the government to not be short on money. And well with my beautiful hard working bread earning wife, I would never have to work"

You laugh at that, resting your head back on his chest and smiling

"I like that idea, if that is what you want"

"I do, more than anything doll"

There is a knock on the door and you both look up to see the nurse "We have to start the pre-ops" she says giving you both a sad smile "I'll be back in a minute"

The fear that Bucky thought had melted away returns as he moves to get up from your bed

"James"

"I'm okay" he looks at his feet as he sits down and starts wearing his shoes, avoiding eye contact

"Hey look at me" he shakes his head "I will rip off my IV if you don't"

This makes him quickly look up "Don't you dare"

"Good now that you can see me" you say moving a little in your bed to get comfortable before gesturing for him to give you his hand which he does "Whenever your mind takes you to dark places just pray"

Bucky rolls his eyes "You know I don't believe in all that"

You nod your head "And I am not telling you to, just I don't know who you do it to maybe the sun, the moon, to someone you lost, god, anyone, just pray"

"And everything will get better?" asks sarcastically

You shake your head "It will give you hope to hold onto"

----------------------

Hope he was holding onto like his life depended on it which it did. Head trauma they said. Surgical complications leading to a coma. The hit that you got on the head by the rock protruding out of the mountain before Sam got you was more severe than any of them thought.

The doctors said the labs don't always show the exact situation until they are in the Operating Room and so you never woke up from the surgery.

There was significant brain activity that they could say maybe you would wake up but not enough to tell when that maybe would come or if it ever would. Bucky was ready to wait as long as it took.

He knocks on the door twice before a little come in is sounded from the inside and he pushes the door open.

His son sits with his own drawings, using the water colors Steve had bought for both of the kids to share which did not end well and Steve had to buy two new ones. Having gotten a very important lesson in raising twins. Always get two of everything.

Nixon keeps his head in his drawing as he dips his paint brush in the black color paint.

"What you got there" Bucky asks as he sits down in front of his son. With both his kids as tiny artists, he had learned to respect their dedication to their works.

"I'm painting" Nixon nods his head, still not looking at Bucky "I know you are here to scold me"

"Hey" Bucky calls out to his son who does not look up from his painting, having abandoned coloring on the paper "Hey honey look at me"

Nixon shakes his head before his eyes fill up with tears. Bucky moves the paints and painting from between them and moves to take his son in his arms.

Whoever did this. Which ever irresponsible person told all this to his son, whoever did this to his baby has another thing coming for them.

"Hey its okay hey buddy" Bucky rubs soothing circles on his son's back, trying to calm him down. This was the second time today he finds himself in this position and the hopelessness he feels is beyond anything. He couldn't lie to his children, couldn't look them in the eyes and say something even he was not sure about. So reassurances it was. Words he told himself every night.

His children needed you. Just like he did.

After what seems like a while of just his son crying and Bucky trying to hold it together, Nixon pulls away, muttering through his sobs.

"I wanted to tell Mom about my new friend Tyler and show her the star Miss Huffman gave me and and-"

Another sob and Bucky pulls his son into another embrace,

"Its okay"

But Nixon pulls back again, going on

"So I went to see her when you went to the store and Aunty Wanda thought I was sleeping and I went to mom's room in medical and when I was hiding the people there were telling each other that she may not wake up"

Bucky shakes his head, moving both his hands to cup his son's cheeks as he looks up at the ceiling for a minute. Hold it together Barnes. You can't let him see you cry and scare him more.

"Hey Buddy?" Bucky whispers after a moment, wiping away his son's cheeks of any and all tears. Nixon just nods his head, sniffling his nose.

"You know Mom and I never lie to you" a nod "So I will tell you the truth, okay?"

Nixon nods his head again "okay"

"Mom is sick" Bucky starts moving to sit both himself and his son on the bed and pulling the covers over themselves "She got hurt on the head. You know how we always tell you to wear a helmet or take care of your head when playing?"

Nixon nods his head "Yeah"

"That is because when we get hurt on the head, it takes a lot of time to get better"

The boy sniffles his nose and Bucky pulls out his handkerchief from his pocket, giving it to him

"So Mom got hit in the head"

"Yes, while fighting the bad guy, her head was hurt and so she will take a little longer to wake up"

"But they said-"

"Its the doctor's job to say that" Bucky tries to come up with a convincing reason "That is because they don't know how strong your Mom is now do they"

Nixon shakes his head at that "She is very strong"

"That she is and that is why she would wake up"

"But when?"

Bucky sighs at that. A question he asks himself every single day. If only he had an answer.

"I don't know" his son frowns at that and Bucky pulls him close "But do you know who does?"

Nixon looks at him questioningly

"God" Bucky shakes his head. His memories taking him to you "When you don't know what else to do, just pray. To anyone you want to, just pray"

"And Mom would get okay?" Nixon asks excitedly

Bucky shakes his head smiling "You would have some kind of hope to hold on to"

"Huh" the little boy mutters, clearly not understanding anything Bucky says.

"Nothing, come on its your bed time. How about I stay right here with you tonight"

Nixon nods his head excitedly and moves to make space for Bucky to lie down with him. He starts to talk about his day and telling him things he wishes to tell his Mom when she wakes up. Bucky hears patiently to every word the little boy says before falling asleep in his father's arms.

Bucky looks at his sleeping form, moving away the hair strings falling on his forehead and sighs.

He needed to be more clear with both the kids about things. Because as much as he wants it to, he can't control everything they may find out and its best if they hear it from him.

-----------

"Sergeant Barnes, Captain Rogers requests your presence in the Medical Wing"

Bucky jerks awake from his bed as F.R.I.D.A.Y 's voice announces through his bed room walls.

"Y/n" he whispers before hastily putting on a shirt and running out the room.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y can you please ask Wanda to come to my house to look after the kids please" Bucky says as he hastily puts his shoes on and opens the main door of his apartment in the Avengers compound.

"No need I'm here" Wanda says as she stands on the other end of the door

"Wanda what-"

She shakes her head "I don't know its just, I got a message from Nat to look after the kids"

Bucky nods his head, his heart beating wildly in his chest "They are asleep in their rooms, Thank you so much"

She puts her hand on his shoulder in reassurance. Bucky looks at her and she nods her head, he nods back before running out his apartment and towards the medical wing.

By the time he reaches the medical wing, he is completely out of breath and wheezing. All his thoughts focused on one thing. He prays to whoever he can that its not something bad.

Steve is standing outside your room and when he sees Bucky coming his way he tries to stop him

"Buck-" Bucky is having none of that as he tries to push Steve away and get inside

"Steve what is it" Bucky growls angrily "Let me go see my wife"

"Bucky listen" Steve says shaking his head and putting his arms on Bucky's shoulder to hold him back "Before you go in you need to listen to me-"

But before Steve can say anything any further Bucky's eyes move through the open door of your hospital room and your form sitting on the hospital bed, looking at Natasha as she says something.

Bucky feels his heart stop as tears of joumy start to fill his eyes. This was the moment. She was awake and even though he feels a tinge of sadness in his heart that he was not the first person you met after waking up, he feels elated beyond belief that you were there is front of his eyes awake and responding.

Steve words reach deaf ears as Buvky pushes him away and runs into your room before Steve could stop him.

You look away from Natasha and towards him and Bucky can feel his heart stopping.

You were awake. This is real.

There is a recognition in your eyes and before he can think anything, Bucky finds himself running towards you and taking you in a bone crushing hug. You seem to have stiffen, not responding to the hug initially before you move your hands towards his shoulders and push him away with as much force as you can master.

He looks up at you completely confused before you look at him too, holding eye contact for a moment, before your eyes seem to go distant. After what seems like minutes of silence and staring, you let out and ear piercing causing the occupants of the room to over their ears, everyone except Bucky who is frozen in place.

"Natalia" you turn to Nat, pointing frantically at Bucky"he is the one who tried to kill me, that man is the one who shot me"

"Wha-" before Bucky can say anything, Steve pulls him away from you and out of the room, Bucky does not give much of a fight as his eyes stay fixed on the door that your nurse closed after Steve pulled him out.

"That is what I was trying to tell you Buck" Steve says sadly running his hand through his hair "We think she has something called Partial Amnesia, she does not remember us, she only remembers her past, only remembers Nat as Natalia"

Bucky feels tears roll down his eyes freely as he looks at Steve hopelessly

"And she remembers little bits and pieces of things" Steve says sadly "She remembers you shooting at her not at the person behind her"

"She thinks I tried to kill her" Bucky says before he completely breaks down and loses his balance as Steve runs to catch him.

------------------

I'm so sorry but I just realized, I didn't specify the kids' age. They are twins and are 6 years old.

PART 2  Coming Soon....

[macaronsforchat]

ML Christmas Day 4 - Lights

@mlchristmasinjuly

read on ao3!

Chat knocked on the window excitedly, shaking his hair out and wiping some of the cold winter rain from his shoulders. He looked up to see Marinette rushing towards the window, pushing it open and letting him in.  

“Hey!” she grinned, throwing him a towel that was laying on her chaise. He caught it, immediately drying his hair and wiping the raindrops from his suit.

“I’m here to help, princess!” he said happily, patting his face dry and grinning at her. She chuckled, putting her hands on her hips.

“Good,” she said, taking the towel from him when he handed it to her. Christmas music was playing in the background, and she’d cleaned up considerably since he’d last been there.

“Wanna get started?” she asked after throwing the towel into the laundry basket in the corner. He nodded, rubbing his hands together and watching as she bounced joyfully, walking over to a large, plastic tote in the middle of the room. He walked over with her, crouching down and pulling the lid off.

Chat blinked in surprise, finding the entire thing filled with fairy lights.

“Are...are we putting all of these up?” he asked flatly, lifting his eyes to hers and seeing a devious smirk on her lips.

“We might not need all of them, but they’re going everywhere,” she said, spreading her arms wide and making his eyes narrow at her.

“So, are we leaving enough electricity for the rest of Paris, or…?” he asked, seeing her purse her lips at him.

“They don’t need it,” she said firmly, making him snicker. “I want lights!” she exclaimed excitedly, beginning to pull a bundle from the tote.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed, helping her get it out and beginning to untangle it.

“Where do you want these?” he asked, and she tapped her chin, spinning in a slow circle to assess her room.

“How about we start with the support beam?” she suggested, and he looked up at the giant beam that divided her room almost in half. He looked back to her to see if she was serious, immediately realizing that of course she was.

“So I’m climbing?” he asked, standing to lift a foot onto the beam.

“You’re climbing,” she confirmed, snickering when he struggled a little. He hoisted himself up, reaching back down to let her hand him the lights, beginning to wrap them around the wooden beam. She hummed along to the music while he worked, untangling some more strands of lights when he didn’t need any help.

When he was nearly done and close to the ceiling, she gasped a little.

“Please be careful,” she said up to him, making him glance down. She was grinding her teeth, and the worry in her eyes made him smile.

“No no, I’ll make sure to fall on purpose,” he replied, wrapping more lights around the beam.

“No!” she protested, making him look back at her and seeing an adorable pout as she stared up at him.

“It was a joke, princess,” he chuckled, straddling the beam carefully as she scoffed.

“A bad one,” she muttered to herself, making his mouth drop open.

“What did you say?” he asked loudly, peering down at her as she jumped.

“Nothing!” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest stubbornly.

“I’m coming down so you can tell me,” he said, dropping a foot and starting to dangle precariously.

“I said it was a bad joke, you dumb cat!” she shouted, frowning lightheartedly but watching him worriedly. He steadied himself again and put his hands on his hips.

“Now was that so hard?” he teased, seeing her jaw drop.

“I swear, I will come up there just to hit you,” she threatened, holding back a smile.

“That’s animal abuse,” he replied, wiggling the ears on his head and watching her eyes narrow up at him.

“And I’m about to be guilty of it,” she said, putting a foot up on the beam and starting to try and climb.

“No, stop!” he protested, unable to help the laughter that spilled from his lips and wouldn’t stop. He pressed his cheek against the wood, laughing loudly and hearing her gentle giggles coming from below him.

When he caught his breath again, he finished wrapping the lights and took a look at this work.

“All done,” he told her, seeing her look up from untangling.

“It looks great!” she smiled, walking closer to adjust the lights a little. “Please be careful, really,” she told him, watching him with big eyes. He smiled down at her, jumping onto her bed gracefully.

“Wanna put some on the railings up here next?” he asked, seeing that she was already on her way up with an armful of lights. She dropped them next to him, crawling to sit by his side and begin wrapping the string of lights around the metal railing.

When comfortable silence fell between them, a thought popped into his mind.

“What if when we plug these in none of them light up?” he asked, making her hands stop working.

“Well then I guess we start over,” she replied absolutely, drawing a groan out of him like he wasn’t enjoying every second spent with her.

“If you’re gonna force me to do work, you should at least feed me,” he groaned, flopping backwards onto her bed. She laughed a little, continuing to work slowly and diligently.

“I will, don’t worry,” she said in reply, making him sit straight up again.

“Really?” he asked, surprised. She giggled, glancing at him and placing the bundle of lights in his hands again.

“Of course,” she nodded, making him let out a “Hooray!”

“Gosh, silly cat. I’m not that mean,” she said, eyeing him with a raised eyebrow. He tilted his head, feeling his eyes soften as he gazed at her.

“I know,” he said quietly, getting back to work just in time to miss her cheeks flush red.

They kept working and eventually took a snack break, the time passing in the blink of an eye. Chat found that to be a common theme when he spent time with her.

He was beginning to yawn by the time they’d finished, having strung lights up wherever they could. It was a lot of lights, but as he plugged them all in, he couldn’t deny that it was pretty spectacular.

Marinette stood in the middle of her room, gasping quietly and looking around in awe. He watched her grin and press a hand to her chest, turning and admiring their work until her eyes landed on him. He was already smiling widely, but he felt his cheeks start to ache when she leapt forward and hugged him, making him laugh in surprise.

“Thank you, Chat!” she said next to his ear. “I’m so happy!” He held her tight, feeling his heart pick up in his chest. Being with her was so easy, and he felt so light and carefree.

“You’re welcome, Marinette,” he breathed out, feeling her begin to pull away. He let her go even though he could have held on forever, watching her stare up at all the lights once more.

“It’s so bright in here,” she smiled. Chat hummed in agreement, choosing instead to look at her and becoming mesmerized by all the colors reflected in her eyes. Seeing her smile so happily made him realize that she was much brighter than the lights.

Suddenly, she dropped to the floor and laid down, making him lunge to catch her. But he let her fall when he saw what she was doing, watch her spread her arms wide and continue to admire the decorations.

“Come lay down with me,” she urged him, waving an eager hand at him. He chuckled, lowering himself onto the ground to lay beside her. When he’d gotten comfortable, she reached over and took his hand, intertwining her fingers with his. He wondered if she knew how flustered she made him, but he wasn’t complaining, enjoying the way her hand fit so snugly against his.

“I wish you could come over for Christmas,” she spoke after a few moments of silence. He turned to glance at her, thinking about what she’d said.

“Honestly? I think I could arrange that,” he spoke softly, feeling his mood fall just a little.

“What?” she asked, sitting up to lean over him just a little, still holding his hand tightly. He blinked up at her, glancing at the careful way she was holding his hand.

“Yeah, uh, my family doesn’t really do Christmas celebrations anymore,” he explained, finding it a little hard to feel sad when she began rubbing her thumb on the back of his hand. Her eyes searched his face, a somber look darkening her features.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said softly, making him shake his head a little and smile at her. He pulled her hand to his chest, pulling his fingers from hers and placing her palm on his chest gently.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, watching her stare at her hand for a moment.

“So, do you really think you could come over?” she asked, making his face warm when she started tracing circles on his chest. “I promise my dad won’t try to kill you or anything,” she said, making him smile again.

“Yeah, I think I’ve had enough of that for all my nine lives,” he teased, watching her face light up again enough though she scoffed like she hadn’t enjoyed his joke.

“But really,” he said, drawing her attention back to his eyes. “I’d love to,” he told her sincerely, watching her press her lips together like she always did when she was trying to hide how excited she was.

“Yeah?” she asked quietly, and he nodded, humming out a short laugh.

“As long as I’m not a burden,” he added, and she shook her head, making a fist with her hand on his chest.

“Never,” she said quickly, keeping her eyes locked with his. “You’re never a burden.” He watched her, feeling goosebumps race across his skin at her touch and her words.

“It’s settled then,” he smiled, watching her lips break into a grin before she caught him in another hug, barreling down against his chest.

They laughed together as his arms came to wrap around her, and he would forever remember that hug as the exact moment he realized that he was in love with Marinette.

~~~~~

i love writing marichat so much ahhhh

thank you all for reading! we’re about halfway through this event, and I hope you’re enjoying it! <3

[cupidssrosses]

i. love. ship. playlists.

so, i know for a FACT that im not the only one that uses songs to picture scenarios with a pairing i really love. like, sometimes im so set on the idea of a ship that i have to rewrite the entire show in my brain, rework it so that they end up together logically. songs are always so good to visualise too. harringrove is the BEST for this, because the show itself uses scenes set to 80s music all the time. 

anywho, this is a really longwided way of saying hey heres my harringrove playlist enjoy :)

this song has always been made for a scene where tension has to slowly build.

so, instead of the scene with billy and neil happening at the end of the season when theres much more world-end-y  things to deal with, it happens earlier. 

the  scene happens, billy goes to find max and ends up finding steve and the kids in that junkyard. 

“am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

(really rushed) “yeah its me dont cream your pants what the FUCK are you doing here hargrove you have to leave right now”

billy won’t shut the fuck up so steve has to cover his mouth and try to push him into the bus. then we hear a demidog, steve gives up on billy and gets ready to fight, quietly hands billy a broken pole or something just in case. 

the song starts from 0:00 right when billy sees the demidog, the camera pans in on his face, just so confused and scared, processing what hes seeing. then he joins the fight, he and steve back to back protecting the kids. this leads to billy being part of the gang, at least in some respects. hes strong as fuck and now they have to fill him in on the circumstances now so hes around more often to help. he wants to protect max, but also be near/protect steve. 

so ! during subsequent fights/situations, billy and steve get a little closer, damn they’re not in love but hey they’re getting more comfortable and theres deeeefinitely some mutal attraction, the energy from those shower and basketball scenes hasn’t gone away. if steves the mother figure billys the dad. 

on the “i need a hero” (BAM) part that leads into the chorus, billy saves steve with some kind of big action you know? RIGHT on the beat i swear i get chills every time i picture it to this song. like he pushes something off of him or pull him out of the way really suddenly after running reaaaallly fast to get to him. right after it cuts to steve looking all suprised and impressed while billy keeps fighting. 

same applies to the part that goes “watched out here i COME” in the second song, except its steve saving billy. 

since two thousand and fucking 17 ive seen this song as billys image of steve. it always sounded like his thoughts about him. 

this is one of the first moments billy realises he might really REALLY like steve. hes not just horny he might actually love this moron. at around 2:07 when all the instrumental goes away and its mainly the drums, thats when it happens. 

hes picking steve up from somewhere. theyve been spending more time together as buddies. he apologised for being a dick, theyve had some more serious conversations. hes taking him to hang out with the kids, maybe he just needed a ride home from school or work. anyway, its golden hour. hes waiting to see him and hes weirdly nervous, more than he ever was waiting to pick up a date with one of the hawkins girls.

and then he sees steve walk out onto the street, or come around the corner.

his heart STOPS. steve just looks so beautiful. the light hitting his hair. he smiles at someone he knows as the walk by. billys just HIT with hoe much he loves this stupid moron and his stupid fucking smile.

steves looking around for the car and looks so. happy. when he sees billy, billy smiles back. its been a while since hes smiled that genuinely. 

billy really really part of gang now. this might be sometime after the final events of season 2 i think?? billys saved them all, had a lot of experiences, hes built up some trust with the group and it feels normal that hes there. hes part of the family, and thats what this songs about. 

it night time, theyre at steves house, all the kids, nancy, jonathen, etc. some are swimming, everyones dancing, things feel a little more okay. 

at around 1:54, (again im a sucker for stripping away most of the instrumental and relying on a few key sounds, including loud drums) billy looks around. he has for one of the first times in a while this sense of FAMILY and ACCEPTANCE and SAFETY.

theres all these shots of everyone having fun, like 2 or 3 cuts, then to steve. just standing there laughing, hairs all wet from the pool, towel around his shoulders. he looks over, catches billys eye, gives him a smile, it feels like he knows what hes thinking, and he feels the same way. 

same night, during the part build up that starts at around 2:53, everyones trying to get billy to dance, hes been smoking on one of the pool chairs, not antisocial just not dancing. not his thing. plus he doesnt want to look like an idiot infront of steve. anyway. 

one of the kids starts it, starts gesturing for him to get up, pointedly singing the lyrics, the rest join in unti theyre all singing and chanting for him to join, all while the song builds and builds. finally steve joins in. maintains eye contact. thats enough for billy. he just keeps his eyes on steve as he stands up. its more like theyre dancing together, less like the kids are there. right at the end of that bridge he just lets go. takes of his jacket and dances around with everyone. he doesnt look stupid either. he looks good. and steve notices 

this is a small one, i dont even have a story to it. all i know is that comparisons between the scene that accompanies this song in top gun and the basket ball scene in st2 have been made, and itd be a super fun, corny scene :)

starts at the very begining. this song has ALWAYS felt so magical and me. i get chills every god damn time i hear the intro. i want their first kiss to be to the intro. 

its after the last fight of season three. someone else was flayed, someone we dont love. obviously billy survives. in FACT, he was along for the ride with robin and steve, all the shenanigens with the russians, billy was tied up and drugged too. BOTH he and robin admit their sexualities. 

billy still sacrafices himself to save the kids from the monster, he says something cute like “see ya round pretty boy” or some corny shit like that before he goes to run and save el, theres a moment when steve knows what hes about to do, theyre staring at eachother and theeeerse the electricity steve knows so much about. theyre really about to kiss, staring at eachothers mouths, but the monster makes a noise and billy knows its now or never, so he runs off. 

steve tries to save him but gets nocked out. he goes unconcious thinking billys going to or is already dead. 

it cuts to the end scene when theyre all in the car park. steves got an icepack to his face, hes obviously been sobbing. 

but he heres a voice. 

(clearly overjoyed and kind of smug) “am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

he looks up. its billy. we get a nice long run-jump-hug. steves in billys arms before he can even finish his sentence:

(nearly crying but SO excited) “yeah its me dont cream your pa-”

NOW. OKAY SO. i love love love they idea of billy steve and robin going home with murray, or at least showing up at his place. maybe billy cant stand the thought of going home, hell maybe neil was the one that got flayed and died idk. anyway.

nancy and jonathen are like, we know a place if people dont want to go home, and they go murrays place. when they show up at the door murray KNOWS. hes like “ffs two more people who have repressed feelings for eachother what am i a therapist. but he lets them in and they have a similar conversation that murray had with nancy and jonathen/joyce and hopper. poking fun at how much they like eachother etc. 

billy and steve have a really intimate talk. not sexaul intimate, just really open. theyre both so tiered, steve thought billy was dead, billy had to say goodbye to steve, who he KNOWS hes in love with by now, thinking he was about to die. they both KNOW how the feel about eachother now, but they havent said it explicitly. just lots of “i really thought id lost you”, “your my best friend”, “i cant believe youd do that for me” etc etc. 

they decide to go to bed, billy walks steve to his room, the one nancy stayed in when she and jonathen got together, theyre standing at the door. just staring at eachother like they were during that fight sequence. the energies back. billy really thinks he might go for it, but decides he doesnt want to ruin things if steve doesnt really feel the same way. he doesnt even know if he likes guys yet. so he just says “night steve” (steve, get it, not harrington, cause theyre close now and he loves him and those defensive barriers are down ahhhh). 

just as he turns to leave, steve does this:

this exact thing. he grabs billys arm, leans down and kisses him. he thought he lost his chance once, he nearly died like a million times in the past 48 hours. he cant stop himself. 

RIGHT HERE is when the intro to jump kicks in. FUck that synth, the rumbling note that runs through the whole thing. time. stops. its perfect. billys wanted this for so long, so has steve but in the grand tradition of fanfiction he didnt know it until he nearly lost billy for good. 

their arms are all over eachother, just as the rest of the instruments come in, at like 0:15, they both smile into the kiss and shut the door behind them, and it cuts away :). 

theyre finally together!!! theyre in the happy, honeymoon stage of realtionship. god theyre just fucking every. chance. they. get. i think this is a new season. it’s a montage of them hooking up all over hawkins. 

in the back of the video store, robin covering for them. in the car, outside school, steves house. someone walks in and billy has to hang out of the window. he makes a noise and steves like “thats probably just a bird or something” and billy MAKES A BIRD NOISE TO THE BEST OF HIS ABILITY. 

when steve helps him back inside he just stares a him with that “youre a moron but your my moron now” face. “~mimics the sound billy made~ really?” and then billy just laughs and goes back to hooking up with him. 

theyre just HAPPY. theyre comfortble, theyre stupid idiots whod die for eachother and horny as fuck allllll the time, like young guys are. i just want a really lighthearted, NOT INNOCENT, but lighthearted tone to a whole montage of them just being happy and stupid together. 

aaaaand we’re bassically at the end of the storyline i have for them based on music. these three i just like the thought of. i want steve do dance super shamelessly in his bedroom in a towel, not in a sexy way dont get me wrong he looks DUmb, and billys at his door window just admiring this stupid idiot dancing around. i cant believe im in love with this man this graceless lanky man i had to choose this one. but ill be damned if i wouldnt give my fucken life for him

and finally trust me go listen to any scorpions song its bassicaly a harrington anthem. it all started with rock you like a hurricain for me, i saw steve look at him, i saw billy and listened to the lyrics and just thought theres no god damned way this man is straight whats the bet hes into steve and then BAM same season hes just so obviously flirting with him constantly i-

anyway okay so

this song, like many other scorpion songs is allll about billy and steve in my opion. go have fun. 

PlayerEntity made this gif not me all credit to them i just wanted to include it cause its my favorite edit of them ever. 

and thats all!!! if youre seeing this and you thought it was cool thanks i had fun. i really just wanted to get this shit out of my brain its been up there since i was a fuckn 14 year old, now im 18 lol. 

i love these men more than myself and sometimes i forget that theyre not acutally together in show cause i live so completely through fanfiction and the sequence of events you just read. 

fuck why am i signing out like you just watched a youtube video or something i should just post this okay by now xxxxx

[sustraiii]

TEAM ZRCN ARC 3 - CHAPTER 5

Depression hour has arrived.

Helia reveals what went down on Shizukana to a confused Team ZRCN, and a new recurring character finally makes her long awaited appearance.

Many thanks to @neopoliitan for offering to proof read once again.

XANTHOS

The group had headed out to Cordovan’s home in Mantle after a quick call to Professor Velour to confirm that the Sabyrs had been dealt with and give her a brief rundown over what was happening. It was hard to ignore Helia’s warning.

“You’re in danger.”

But danger from what exactly? Xanthos was desperate for someone to ask, but even he had deemed it inappropriate to press the issue - especially given the urgency in Helia’s voice when she had requested somewhere safe to talk.

Depending on who or what they were in danger of, going to Cordovan’s house might not have been the safest idea in hindsight, but it was their best option outside of the Academy - which wasn’t exactly private. 

Xanthos came to a halt as they approached, having spotted someone sitting on the steps leading up to the porch, and made a show of pointing them out. “Um, who is that?”

“Who are you talking about?” Cordovan questioned as he pushed forward to get a better look. His confused expression quickly furrowed to a more annoyed one as he let out an exasperated sigh, “Rosie…”

Stepping ahead of the group commandingly, Cordovan approached the young girl who was sitting on the steps. Her head was buried in a magazine, but when she heard someone approach she looked up immediately - a glare of suspicion swiftly softening with apparent recognition.

“Hi Corduroy, what are you doing here?” She asked cheerfully, jumping to her feet.

“What are you doing here, Rosie?” Cordovan fired back, folding his arms as he spoke. “Shouldn’t you be staying at Mrs Clearwater’s house?”

“I should,” Rosie confirmed with a sly smile. “But she smells funny and I don’t like the way her cat looks at me. It looked like it was going to eat me. Probably could too, the ugly thing was big enough.”

Cordovan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So what was the plan here, Rosie - were you just going to wait for me or my mom to come home and maybe freeze in the process, or was it something else?”

Rosie looked up at him blankly before shrugging her shoulders. “I dunno. I didn’t think that far ahead.”

As he and the others closed the distance between them and their teammate, Xanthos was struck at the similarities between Cordovan and the girl; both of them shared the same messy reddish-brown hair, brown eyes and fair complexion. The only notable difference was the girl had freckles, while Cordovan did not. She wore a slightly oversized flannel shirt, half tucked into a pair of cropped, faded jeans.

Sensing the two could have gone back and forth for a while, Xanthos stepped up and interrupted the pair with a light cough. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?” he asked.

Cordovan hesitated for a moment, and Xanthos saw him glance nervously towards Rosie, who in turn met his gaze. “This is Rosie. She’s my, uh, cousin -- from my dad’s side... hence the hair.”

The girl looked down at the concrete between her white canvas shoes. “Yeah, what he said - we’re... cousins.”

“Anyway,” Cordovan cut in, looking around at the gathered party and withdrawing a key from his pocket. “Shall we go inside?”

He unlocked the door and the six of them all shuffled inside. Cordovan made a brief, mumbled comment about making some drinks for everyone, then swiftly disappeared in the direction of the kitchen, closely watched by Rosie. As they waited for Cordovan, the four of them headed to the living room to make themselves comfortable, though no one seemed in much of a hurry to sit down. 

This wasn’t the first time Xanthos had been in Cordovan’s home, but it was the first time he had noted some subtle changes. It remained as cluttered as ever, but it appeared as though there had been a conscious effort to at least neaten things up. Books that had once taken up nearly all the spare space in the living room had now been neatly stacked on newly built shelves. Niche decorative items that had once filled the mantlepiece were now replaced with more tasteful decor  though Xanthos noted a small pink cat figure lingered behind, and he assumed that was at the behest of Rosie. He wondered if many of the changes were due to her presence around the home, as opposed to general desire of wanting the place to look tidier.

Silence filled the room for what felt like several minutes. It was not interrupted by Cordovan’s return, but instead by heavy breathing coming from the doorway. Instinctively turning to face the source of the noise, Xanthos saw the girl - Rosie - stood there, staring intently at Helia.

“You’re Helia Vines.” It was said as less of a question and more of a statement. Xanthos wondered if she hadn’t paid much attention as to who was present when talking to the Cordovan.

“Yes, I am.” Helia confirmed, with a small nod.

Rosie let out a little squeak of excitement before she started babbling incredibly fast, an action which Xanthos could only describe as fangirling of the most extreme kind. When she had finished rambling, she seemed to settle, and directed a question at the veteran huntress in a more restrained tone. “Would you sign my doll?”

“Sure.”

Clearly thrilled at the response, Rosie did a small fist pump before turning on the spot and darting upstairs - likely to retrieve the aforementioned doll.

Once the girl had left the room and was out of earshot, Helia turned to Xanthos, Neela and Zelde and gave them a nervous smile. “You know I’ve had a lot of merchandise made for me, but I don’t remember dolls being one of them.”

“She reminds me of my sister.” Xanthos said softly, a faint smile forming on his lips as he thought of Marisol. It had been a long time since he had spoken to her - with the CCT being down - but he hoped she and their mother were okay.

“Don’t tell me your sister owned potentially creepy homemade dolls too.” Neela teased.

“I was referring to the enthusiasm actually, Nee,” Xanthos responded with a wink. “But if you must know, Marisol prefers plushies.”

Cordovan reappeared carrying in a tray of drinks for them all. He seemed to time his reappearance poorly - Rosie also reappeared at the exact same time, nearly tripping him up as she tried to jump ahead of him.

“Rosie!” Cordovan exclaimed, only just managing to keep his balance. Xanthos lifted himself slightly out of his seat to aid his friend - a reflex informed by Cordovan’s recent handicap - but the other student righted himself. He stepped further into the living room and set down the tray on the coffee table, before turning to face his cousin.

“What were you doing running in front of me like that? Surely you could see me coming.”

“Helia said she’d sign my doll!” Rosie responded, quickly showing everyone the doll in question. In truth, it wasn’t as bad as Xanthos had been expecting; he could at least see what the doll was meant to be. If Helia had electric green hair and disproportionate limbs,  it might have been a perfect match.

“You can do that later,” Cordovan said, trying to usher her away. “We’ve got grown-up things to talk about.”

Rosie had been co-operating until he referred to her age, which prompted her to stop and put her hands on her hips. “I’m eight, not seven!” She chided. “You don’t have to speak to me like a child.”

“I’m not - “ Cordovan paused to groan. “I didn’t mean it like that. Listen, I’m not trying to be rude, but there really is something urgent we need to talk about. Something that you don’t need to hear right now. When we’re done you’re welcome to come and pester us again.”

“Do you promise?” She batted her eyelashes at him expectantly.

He seemed taken aback by this question before shrugging his shoulders. “I guess so. I made you a hot chocolate if you-”

“Does it have marshmallows in it?” Rosie asked, suddenly perking up with interest. She had already begun to move towards the table, eyeing up a pink cup as she approached.

“No, it doesn’t have marshmallows in it.”

By the time Rosie had turned to respond she had already grabbed the cup with her spare hand. “Well, next time you owe me marshmallows -- but I’ll let it slide as your friends are here.” She smirked. Running past him and hurrying out of the room, she called to the others. “Bye Corduroy! Bye Corduroy’s friends!”

“‘Corduroy’, huh?” Xanthos mused, scratching his chin as he spoke. “I may have to use that.”

“Please, don’t.” Cordovan said, shooting him a warning glance before he eventually took a seat in one of the armchairs like Helia, with the rest of ZRCN once again huddling onto the sofa. There were a few minutes of awkward silence before Zelde got the ball rolling on why Helia had been so urgent to find somewhere to talk.

“What did you mean when you said we were in danger?”

Helia shifted uncomfortably in her seat, leaning forward to grab her drink. She traced a finger around the rim of the cup before looking up. “Do you remember what happened when we confronted Farron on Shizukana?”

Save for Cordovan, everyone else in the room had been present during the final confrontation with Farron’s people. It had been over six months now, but the event was still easily recallable to Xanthos. After a moment, he, Zelde, and Neela all nodded their heads, allowing Helia to continue.

“Do you remember what Wisteria said to him?” She asked. “Her ‘reveal’.”

“She said she didn’t work for him…” Zelde’s voice trailed off softly, already beginning to understand what Helia was trying to say. Xanthos was a bit slower on the draw.

“The people she worked for are the ones who are after us?” He questioned, looking to Helia for confirmation. “But why? We didn’t do anything to them! If anything, I got the impression we’d helped them take out a competitor of sorts. Why would they want to hurt us?” There was a brief pause before he quickly added, “Did they send the robots? Why?”

“Because you know too much.” Helia said.

Neela snorted a little. “Do we? I thought this was all resolved.”

“So did I,” Helia agreed before Xanthos noted her crumpling into her chair. It was only then he noticed how defeated she seemed in that moment. “But I was wrong.”

It was Cordovan who dared to ask the final question. “What happened, Helia?”

The huntress sniffed loudly, tears forming in her eyes. “My team and I had been talking about reuniting for months - a few weeks ago we finally agreed to meet up on Shizukana. It was the first time we were all in a room together after we went our separate ways... I was so excited to see them all again. It was only our third night when it all went wrong.” 

She lowered her head and took a long steadying breath before looking back up at them. “The real people Wisteria was working for decided to make an appearance - Wisteria, too - and they literally blew apart Leyla’s house. Leyla herself was knocked out, and the rest of us were dazed but we could still fight. Anthea and I tried to hold off two unknown attackers, but they were stronger and got the upper hand on us. Alcyone was the only one left standing by the end. We told her to stop and give up, that fighting would get us nowhere, but she was always stubborn - always thought she knew best.” 

Helia looked away, and Xanthos noted she had a pained smile. “Then a white-haired bitch skewered her with a spear.” She revealed grimly.

“Fucking hell,” Xanthos cursed aloud.

Helia was beginning to cry, but she was too determined to finish her story to succumb to tears. “I should have stayed with her in those final moments. I’ll always regret that I didn't. But I was confused and angry - who were these people, why had they come here and done this to us? 

“Other than Wisteria I had no connection to them, and the only thing they had told us was that the whole thing was a warning. A warning for what though? Why? Over and Over again I asked them. Eventually Wisteria knocked me aside like I was nothing and I was too weak to stand back up. She warned me against rising to my feet and I listened to her.” 

She took a shaky sip from her cup. “I’d like to say the white-haired woman took some pity as she approached me, but there was no pity in those blood-red eyes. Only malice and pleasure. I think she actively enjoyed seeing me suffer. And then she told me that this was all a warning. A warning for me and Leyla, but mostly for you. Anthea and Alcyone were just a nice little ‘side dish’. They had ‘other things’ to do first but she warned me that eventually they’d come for you too. Then they just… left. By the time I got back, Alcyone was gone.”

Helia didn’t need to elaborate on what she meant - by now they all knew the fate Alcyone had succumbed to, what these foes were capable of. Xanthos had always thought Wisteria might have been one of the largest challenges they would face, but it was becoming apparent she was just a piece in a much larger puzzle.

Zelde was the first to move, rising to her feet and standing in front of the window in silence, clearly deep in thought. Cordovan had leaned forward and was running his hands through his bowed head. Xanthos and Neela were silent and unmoving, still trying to process what Helia had told them. 

The silence in the room was soon filled by the increasingly loud sobbing of Helia, a sound that would have melted even the coldest of hearts. Neela was the first to rise to her feet and approach the veteran huntress, quietly wrapping her arms around her comfortingly. One by one, the rest of ZRCN followed suit; Cordovan, then Xanthos, and lastly Zelde. And that was where they stayed for a while, just holding and comforting each other, only breaking apart when Rosie finally ventured back downstairs again.

[every1studio]

SERIES: “stages of love: wanna go back” [ateez: yunho]

genre: FLUFF

ficstyle: bulletpoints + series  [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [END]

prompt: inspired by “Time of Our Life” + “Wanna Go Back” by DAY6

note: I have received lots of love for this series and I am already panicking of what to after I finish it 

you woke up with a headache

it wasn’t intolerable but it was definitely bothering you 

you looked at the messiness of your room again

bottles of soju were scattered along with music sheets 

there were clothes and takeout boxes everywhere

you popped a tylenol and heated up some soup 

you took that time to tidy up around the house

any distraction was good distraction; you wanted to believe yesterday was a dream 

the moment you checked your phone, you remembered everything and you were sad again

even though it was such a beautiful day out 

after finishing your soup, your laundry machine chimed 

you looked outside again and thought it was better to air-dry your clothes to prevent from using so much electricity 

you’d hum as you were hanging your laundry up

right under your balcony, Yunho woke up to the sound of you humming

he must live under an angel he thought as he stretches from his cushioned lounge chair

he probably fell asleep to your guitar playing last night

he sneezes quietly into his arm as he checks his schedule

“thank God it’s Sunday...” he lays back down with his hands behind his head as he continues to hear you humming 

he was about to fall back asleep until something hits him in the face

he shakes himself up as it startled him

when he saw what hit him in the face, he froze

he didn’t know what to do with the item

he could hear you curse under your breath as you run to the door 

his hands were trembling

would it be weird if he held it? would it be weird if he even looked at it?

he heard the doorbell rang and he shuffled over to the door 

he opened it slightly as he saw your beaming red ears; you couldn’t even look up at him

“d-did you happen to see a light pink b-bra?” you were fumbling with the hem of your shorts

that was when you realized that you were still in your lounging clothes; a super off-the-shoulder sweater with your ruffly shorts barely showing under the sweater 

that made you even more embarrassed at your situation 

“u-uh...y-yeah... it’s.. it’s on the balcony...” he opens the door for you to get it because he wouldn’t dare to hand it back to you 

your face reached a whole new level of red when you saw who the guy was 

it was the guy from the convenient store

Yunho didn’t know what to do with all this information of the cute girl at the convenient store last night; knowing that she had a light pink bra and that she lived above him 

 Yunho’s roommate always joked about how Yunho was falling in love with the girl who lived above them since he talked about you so much without even knowing that you looked like

he led you to the balcony but stood to the side; he scratched his head and looked elsewhere

you thanked him and made your way to the door 

how could ever go to that same convenient store again?

but before you made it to the door, you saw a photo framed up by the door 

there was a little boy and a little girl; you recalled having the same exact picture

the girl was you

and the boy was your childhood friend before he away before starting middle school without ever telling you 

you whipped your head around to look at him

your sudden movement made him avert his eyes elsewhere

you pointed to the photo, “is this you? are you Yunho?”

the more you looked at him, the more resemblance you found in your old friend 

but the more you remembered, the more you remembered how mad you were when he left without a word 

his eyes widened, “Y/N?”

you grew up to be a beautiful lady, he didn’t even noticed 

he still remembered you as that shy little girl who always had a mushroom cut he called his best friend 

you were dealing with so much in the past few hours, you couldn’t handle to deal with another

you huffed as you ran out the door

Yunho was so shocked he just fell back onto his bed in the living room 

he missed you so much, he didn’t know how to even process what just happened

[THE PAST OF LITTLE YUNHO]

“MOM! DAD! WHY ARE WE MOVING? I DON’T WANT TO MOVE!” Yunho yelled at his parents as they packed everything that they had

his dad covered his mouth and stared at him in the eyes

both Yunho and his dad felt fear in that moment

“we can’t afford to be caught by those debt collectors.. they work with the mafia.. we need to make enough money to pay them off... but for the time being, we have to hide...”

Yunho couldn’t comprehend what was going on

he looked at your house next door and looked back at his parents, “I should tell Y/N-”

his father grabbed his shoulders so hard and shook him to sense, “YOU. CANNOT TELL ANYONE”

Yunho was heartbroken; he knew how upset and lonely you would be 

you were all Yunho had 

and vice versa

he’d know you’d be all by yourself 

and that knowledge followed him all the way to Japan 

he lived in Japan; when he tried to send you mail, he would get caught by his parents and they would burn all of his letters no matter how well he hid them 

that made him study hard; knowing that it was the only to get back to you in Korea 

the whole time he was there, all that he wanted was to go back

in addition to studying hard, he had to work part time to help his parents with the debt collectors 

by the time he was able to go to college was when his family paid off all debts but decided to stay in Japan

he separated ways with his parents and started his college life in Korea; hoping to find you 

and here you were.. living in the apartment room right above from his 

Yunho slapped his cheeks to give himself some sort of courage to go talk to you; bringing evidence so you would believe him

he hopes that somewhere deep down inside of you; you missed him enough to forgive him  

he knocks on your door. but you don’t open it 

“what do you want...” he could hear your muffled voice from the other side of the door

“will you listen to what I have to say?” you could feel the sincerity in his voice so you cracked the door for him

he’s grown so much, you barely recognized him 

Yunho took a deep breathe before telling you why he disappeared

he showed you old letters from the debt collectors, his passport, and the burnt letters he managed to save

you could hear him get choked up at the end of his speech, “it was really hard growing up without you....”

you started to repetitively thump his chest, “stupid, idiot, jerk” 

you continued to call him names as you felt tears coming 

you remembered how after he left, you thought he left because he didn’t want to be around you anymore 

you were even more isolated than you were before

before it was always Yunho and you; partners in crime 

and then, POOF, he vanished

but around that time was when you turned to music knowing how much he loved music and loved to dance

you weren’t coordinated enough to dance like him but you loved to sing and you were not too shabby at it 

Yunho was always your hypeman; you’d only sing to him and your parents 

but when he left, you barely sang outside the comforts of your own room 

Yunho pulls you into a hug, “I missed you and your singing..”

he kisses the top of your head when he hears you sniffle 

he used to always kiss the top of your head when you were crying

as kids, it was cute 

but now you didn’t know how to feel 

both of you had grown up

feelings go beyond what you both used to know 

Yunho lets go of you to see how you’re doing, “you doing okay?”

you nodded but then you shook your head

“wanna talk about it?”

you nodded as you let him inside 

he walks into the room and blushes again

you could tell he was getting shy; his ear were always the indicator

before you asked him what was wrong, you noticed your light pink bra thrown on the couch

you quickly threw it in your room and cleared your throat

“pretend like you didn’t see that”

“I can’t. it’s ingrained in my head now”

you threw a pillow at him and he catches it as he laughs

“I’M KIDDING!”

you gave him the side eye before getting him something to drink

“tea?”

“sure”

you make your way over to the electric kettle and turned it on 

you had to climb the counter to get your tea

Yunho snorts a chuckle as he makes his way over to you in the kitchen

you got onto your knees to get it when you felt yourself misplacing your leg; causing you to fall

Yunho catches you and your face was at the crook of his neck

he holds his breath as he helps you down

“w-which tea?”

“a-any tea you want...”

you both were admiring how attractive you both got over the years

when the both of you settled into the living room with your teas, he grabs a pillow and leans forward to hear your concerns

“what’s new?”

knowing that you were talking to your childhood friend made you loosen up and forget about all those bad feelings

you told him about Hongjoong

and the whole thing about Seonghwa not listening to Yeosang

and how Aurora ruined your love life

“Aurora sounds like bitch,” he says into the pillow

“but she’s pretty...” you hated to admit it. “that’s why she can get away with all of this...”

Yunho shook his head and he rose his voice, “I doubt there’s anyone as pretty and as kind and as amazing you! Aurora isn’t shit compared to you. you’re like BEAUTIFUL”

his ears became red again and so did your face

there was a little awkward silence before you said, “thank you...”

“n-no problem...”

you wanted to change the subject to him

it’s been so long, you wanted to see how much he changed

the both of you spend HOURS and HOURS talking and catching up and reminiscing over the old days 

he wanted to see how much you’ve improved guitar playing and singing-wise 

and you wanted to see if he was still dancing

Yunho was currently working 2 jobs

one of them was at the convenient store 

and the other was as a dancing assistant for an advanced hip hop class 

you both were amazed at how you both grew up to be more than the people you thought you were going to be   

the sun was setting when Yunho said he had to leave

he had to go class early tomorrow to prep and you walked him out to the door

before he left, he ruffles your hair, “guess you grew out of your mushroom hair phase”

you stuck your tongue out at him, “guess you grew out of those Harry Potter glasses phase”

he furrowed his brows at you in disbelief, “I’M NOT GONNA WEAR GLASSES FOREVER Y/N!”

you chuckled as you waved at him, “see ya later, Harry Potter”

“see ya, Mushroom’

Yunho goes back to his apartment at the same time his roommate came back from his practice

“you look like you’re in a good mood. who’s the lucky girl?” his roommate jeered as he adjusted his bag on his back; causing his drumsticks to click together 

“you know that girl who lives above us? I found out that she’s my childhood friend! remember the one I told you about?” 

Yunho was shaking from excitement

his roommate opened the door and pointed to the picture by the light switch, “this one?”

Yunho nods

“I’ve got to meet her then. you’ll introduce me to her right?” his roommate asked as he pulled Yunho into a headlock 

“of course, of course! hey, how was practice?” 

Yunho manages to get out of the headlock and his roommate goes into the kitchen for a beer

“shitty man... our guitarist is graduating and we are in need of a guitarist right now...we had an audition but they were all-”

“your fans who want to be in the band?” Yunho grabs a beer as he finishes his roommate’s sentence

“yeah, man...  I mean I wouldn’t mind if they actually KNEW how to play....”

“hey... you still haven’t found a muse yet huh?” Yunho recalls as he plops onto his bed 

“it’s hard to find the right one you know? I can’t write about anything, I ain’t that talented...” his roommate joined Yunho on the bed

“you’ll find her soon”

“I hope s-”

“or him.. I don’t discriminate..”

“dude are you serious right now...”

in all joking matters aside, Yunho’s roommate wants to be inspired again to right songs

he saw how Yunho’s eyes lit up when he talked about that girl 

maybe he’ll find someone that will make his eyes light up like that too 

HE WAS A SKATER BOI... WILL YOU SAY SEE YA LATER BOI?

[ masterlist + guidelines ]

[perriewinklenerdie]

Be there for her (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Open Heart, Ethan Ramsey x MC

Author’s note: Hello, hello, hello! I’m not dead, believe it or not :D I had a lot on my mind, some obligations I had to take care of, but I’m back (we’ll see how uni is in a few weeks). I’ll try to get back up to speed 

This fic was based on the idea @stanathanxoox. I was asked to write it almost a week ago, and I’m sorry it took so long, life got into the way. 

As usually, here’s AO3 link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20689595

Enjoy! <3

--------------

The first thing she remembered from that evening was the sound of opening door to his apartment. She had a hell of a day behind her, her actions, her decisions, everything that happened during the previous fourteen hours all blended into a blur of colors and sounds, nothing clear, nothing exact. The softness of the lights in the room blinded her, eyes tired and sensitive from exhaustion. She could feel the beginnings of headache, as well as something telling her that she was starting to get sick. It all felt like a ton of bricks, thrown onto her back and abandoned there, leaving her to die underneath the weight, impossible to handle on her own.

Claire left her bag by the door, her shoes joining it shortly after. She dragged herself to the couch, falling onto it heavily, her face pressed tightly into the cushions. The pressure she felt reached its peak and all she could do was simply groan loudly in frustration at her helplessness. She heard his voice, like through a mist, far away, words indistinguishable. Her whole body felt like it was slowly dying, even breathing was too tiring, so she didn’t respond. That must have sparked a reaction, because moments later, soft footsteps could be heard, and a pair of hands touched her shoulders.

“Tough day?” his hot breath brushed against the skin of her neck, sending a delicate shiver down her spine.

“Mmhmm.”

“Do you want something to eat?” he tried again, squeezing her arms slightly.

“Mmhmm…”

“Do you know how to say something else?” he smirked, brushing her hair to the side.

“Mmhmm.”

Ethan sighed heavily, going to the kitchen to get their food. He picked Claire up, sitting her down on the couch, letting her body rest against his as they ate in silence. She finished her meal before him, falling back into the couch with a satisfied sigh. Her fingers ran up and down his back slowly, her gaze revealing how deep in thoughts she was. He finished eating too, turning to her with a concerned look on his face.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He whispered, rising his hand to stroke her cheek gently. She nuzzled into his touch, her eyes closing as she let out a long breath.

“It’s nothing, really. Don’t worry about it.”

“Claire, you are visibly upset. Don’t downplay your own emotions, talk to me.”

She hesitated, her eyes meeting his, seeing his desperation to help her in them. Making up her mind, she threw herself into his arms, inhaling his scent, calming her nerves. He wrapped her in a strong embrace, lifting her up and carrying her to his bedroom. Hidden under the covers, the world couldn’t hurt them, their own little bubble, just the two of them.

In the warmth and comfort of his bed, she felt her mind stopping its race, going back to its normal speed. Her body started to relax, and after a few moments, she was completely at ease. She turned her head to the side, pressing a loving kiss to his neck, thankful for his support. Silence welcomed all the emotions and things that happened that day, making it easier for her to speak.

“I lost a patient today.” She muttered after a while, not moving a muscle. Waiting in anticipation for his reaction. His hold on her tightened, his lips touching her hair, leaving one hot kiss there after another in an attempt to comfort her.

“I’m sorry, Claire. I didn’t know.”

“You couldn’t have known. And it’s not like I didn’t see it coming, she was getting weaker every day. Cancer is just not fair.”

Claire tried to keep herself together, but failed, sobs beginning to rock her body. Ethan was aware that nothing he would say would make her feel better. He knew that more than anyone else, having lost too many patients during his career as a doctor. All he could do was just hold her, be there for her, and hope that she would let him be there for her. At some point, they both drifted off, falling into a deep slumber, wrapped tightly in each other’s eyes.

----- ------ ------

Morning came sooner than he anticipated. A quick call was enough to grand them a day off, feeling like he needed to take care of her, feeling like he needed to spend a full day in peace, with no patients or responsibilities hanging over their heads.

Claire woke up after some time, groaning quietly as she turned in bed towards him. His eyes were already on her, his hand on its way to pull her closer to him, allowing him to kiss her. Their lips touched, time and time again, slowly at first, then more fiercely, gaining passion but keeping the gentle pace. She rolled over, pulling him on top of her with a slight smirk on her features.

“What a way to wake up. Perfect for charging up before we go back to the hard reality of working.” She sighed, running her fingers through his hair. Ethan dove for another kiss, biting her lip, pulling on it, eliciting a deep moan from her. “If you don’t stop that, we’re going to be late.”

“Well then, I guess it’s good we have a day off. You don’t have to thank me… at least not with your words.” He moved down her body, his lips leaving kisses on her neck.

She closed her eyes, biting her lip, relishing in the feeling of his body close to her. Claire moved her hands up his arms, resting on his shoulders and pushing on them, rolling them over again, straddling him with a cheeky smile. He looked up at her with amused look in his eyes, running his fingers along her sides before grabbing her hips a little tighter, pressing them together. They moaned in unison, the air crackling with electricity as their lips touched again.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m going to thank you… again…” she kissed him slowly. “and again…” her lips moved to his ear, biting on his earlobe gently. “… and again. If you’ll allow me.” She leaned back, asking with her eyes and words. He nodded slowly, pulling her back in for a kiss, deciding to never let her go again.

----------------

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[avesagittarius]

lost mal-evolence // 9

WORD COUNT //  1790

an ! kinda short, but I felt like cutting it there was better, feedback is always a good idea !!!

summary ! The youngest of the Maximoff siblings had lived through heartbreak twice now. First her parent’s death and then her older sibling’s abandonment. She did not know what she had done wrong, only that she searched for them for 3 years before HYDRA recruited her. She joined them when she learnt Pietro and Wanda had came here after leaving her. Now 6 years after their departure, she was in the process of becoming HYDRA’s best asset ever.

part one    part dos      part tres      part quatro      part cinco     part seis    

part siete   part ocho

________________________________________________________________

Minutes before landing.

As if the tension had vanished, The Avengers were all gathering around, ready to land on Ukrainian soil.

“There’s a clearing not far from the border, we’ll land there, and Tony, Sam and Pietro will scout the area. No mistakes allowed okay. You see her, or a Hydra agent, you report back to the team before doing anything.”

The instructions were clear, everyone knew what their job was and their role on this mission. But it felt reassuring for the most part to hear them being said one last time before arriving. Comforting glances meeting stressed stares, the jet would be landing in seconds now.

“guys, we’ve got a problem” Bruce was frowning when he turned towards the team.

They all tried to approach him at the same time, but all of them not fitting in the cockpit, they let Tony and Steve go through, knowing they were leading the mission.

“What’s happening Bruce?” Tony’s usually casual tone was nothing but down to business and it meant naught except for the fact that he was probably freaking out just as much as the others right now.

“There’s lots of movement coming from the border and something’s down in the middle of the clearing.”

The look Steve and Tony exchanged did nothing to help Bruce come down to a decision. They knew what the movement could mean, and it augured nothing good. As for the thing it the middle of the clearing, the scan showed it was still, unmoving, it could be a frightened animal or just a glitch.

“We have to land, Bruce land the quinjet” That was Pietro talking, but his determination was only followed by agreeing hums. Everyone on the team was ready for whatever they would encounter once they had touched down, at least if they landed now, they would just get it over with.

“Pietro-” Steve didn’t have time to reason with him that Bucky interrupted him.

“No time to argue, we could already be down there” The serious look in his friend’s eyes was enough to convince him, he knew there was nothing more he could do to prepare his friends for what could possibly happen once they landed.

He nodded towards Bruce who immediately took matters in hands and started the quinjet’s descent.

  Mal had always had trouble at the beginning to control her new-found abilities, she could never fully understand just how it all worked. But after years of training, she now mastered the art of hiding her powers away, she was so hell-bent on keeping them from everyone around her even when she was at the facility and everyone knew what was running through her veins, she never was one to make a show of her powers.

She liked them, they made her feel powerful and important and that kind of feeling could never be replaced by anything else. Although Mal loved being special amongst the ordinary people, she was almost if not all self-doubt.

That doubt had been eating her alive her whole life, because the feeling of power that came after her experiment did nothing to erase the disappointment and questions she had always had.

So, she kept her powers to herself because they were hers, and if she couldn’t have anything else, not even friends or a loving family, at least she had them. They were always there, buzzing at the back of her head or flowing in her veins. They were always there for her, and she intended to keep it that way. They were hers, and she didn’t want the last thing she had to be taken from her.

But there were times, like this one, when those powers couldn’t be restrained. They asked, no, they didn’t ask they just made themselves known and pushed and tugged at Mal’s restrains, pushed and pushed until she couldn’t handle all the back and forth and had to let them out.

Strangely enough those times almost never happened at the facility, she assumed that it was because she had to use them every day, but now with almost three weeks on the run, three weeks without ever using them. She could just feel them take over her body, she knew she was losing control and fast, unfortunately for the young girl, when it all came rushing down, she wouldn’t be able to stop them.

But maybe for the first time ever, she didn’t want to stop them. Maybe they all deserved to feel her wrath, Hydra had made her this way and she was tired of all the control, of all the pain and manipulation. She had been naïve and weak but now that was all over, she knew now, that the world was cruel and offered no relief for people like Mal.

She might not have been able to understand just how much damage she could do, nor did she know the extent of her powers, but she was fully aware of the fight that was about to happen.

The jet had landed, she didn’t seem to recognize Hydra’s logo or colors or anything that had to do with their organization but if it wasn’t them who could it have been. After all, right now, it didn’t matter, those people hadn’t landed in the exact clearing she was in all while pursued by agents just to bring her to safety. She could only count on herself and those people would suffer the same fate the agents would.

Even though she was aware that the moment the agents arrived she would be surrounded, not an ounce a fear could be felt, all that was radiating from her body was power.

The gates opened and her vision immediately focused on the group of people walking down the aircraft. At first, it felt like they hadn’t even noticed her presence, which funnily enough made Mal chuckle because she could have hit them by surprise. But this wasn’t the way she wanted to do this, she wanted them to see what she could do. Not hide behind her mentor this time.

Once they realized that it was indeed a person standing in the middle of the cold and wild clearing, it seemed they stilled. All of them.

As if trying not to scare her away, one of them took two steps forward and was about to talk when a first wave of agents was heard running and shouting from the other side of the clearing.

The buzzing in her veins intensifies at the notion of danger, it sizzled right under her skin and she was trying so hard to keep it there.

Upon seeing the twenty or so guards which were previously guarding the border run towards her, Mal���s resolve dissolved into nothing. Their faces all contorted in anger they sure didn’t expect when Mal started advancing towards them.

The determination in her pace and her aura dominating their fake masculinity, they still didn’t stop because after all, what could a 16-year-old possibly do to them. They should have been more careful.

The shouts of the individuals behind her were unheard and she stopped dead in her tracks, her hands extended towards the dark night sky, The Avengers wished they could have been ready for this.

Unleashing her power into the air felt liberating, the electricity shooting up in the sky in violet-like lighting strikes, just to shoot back down straight onto the group of agents. Her arms tingling from the sensation, it’s like she couldn’t get enough of it, it felt addicting to her. Her power had been locked up for too long in her flesh prison, to let it roam free and wreak havoc was a sight she wanted to imprint in her mind.

Seeing as some of them had been only grazed by the shocks and only a few of them were laying still on the floor, she wasn’t satisfied. When would they learn the lesson, she hadn’t left all those men at the facility because she thought it would be pretty, it was a warning for them not to come find her.

Her arms descending towards the men, an electric flow coming from deep within her crushed every man’s spine. Frying their brains, they fell like flies leaving the snow almost untouched.

The rage and power still clouding her vision and judgment, she turned around ready to show the weird costume-y guys what was waiting for them.

But she surely didn’t expect them to be standing so close to her, all with mouth agape. She thought she could take advantage of the situation when a voice stopped her.

“Amalya…” Wanda’s voice was pure hurt, seeing her little sister kill those men with little to no regret just felt like a horrifying scene for her.

Mal turned to look at the woman and her knees almost gave out from under her when she recognized the two people looking straight at her.

Here they were her so-called brother and sister. Here they were, still looking almost like the last time she had seen them except a bit older. Her eyes watered but she refused to let the tears fall, they didn’t deserve another one of them. She had spent so many nights and days crying for them.

“It’s us Amalya” Pietro’s heart hurt, the only rational thought for him would be to run and hold her for god knows how long, but the things she had just done prevented him from doing so. She probably was scared right now and even if they were family it had been a while since they had seen each other.

Mal felt anything but afraid.

Mal recognized them, but she didn’t know who they were anymore. Who leaves their 10-year-old sister to fend for herself in a poor and corrupted country? The tears were long gone now, the electricity buzzing once more, but this time it was even stronger.

The whole team could feel it in the air, hair going up because of static electricity, Mal’s eyes shining purple, a mist started enveloping her. She felt intimidating. The whole lot of them, they almost wanted to take a step back, the atmosphere way too tense to breathe properly, they all wondered how a teenager could express such dominance.

“Please come with us honey, we’ve missed you” Wanda didn’t have time to utter her words that they went straight to Mal’s core, just like fuel she erupted, electricity crackling all around her, lightning coming from all around her.

She looked at them dead in the eyes, her own filled with nothing, her stare was blank and that’s what hurt the twins the most.

“It’s Mal now” Her cold demeanor matched her tone, not wasting a second more she started the fight back up.

________________________________________________________________

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[itslilliansnow]

“What do you say?”

Okay, folks! This is for my gorgeous Mars @iwillgiveyoumyhappiness. I know we said: “slowly walking towards death,” but I just had inspiration, and this popped out of my mind. I hope you’ll like it as much I loved writing it! I love you! I know it isn’t that long, but this is just a little part xD Pairing: Yuchan x Reader  Genre: FLUFF, FLUFF, FLUFF. Did I say Fluff????  Words count: 1,8k+

Have you ever met someone who even with a smile can fill your heart with infinite joy? You had an answer to this question if ever someone had asked you one day. Kang Yuchan. You and Yuchan - you still laugh every time you think about it - met in the most uncommonly way, but from that moment on, your friendship was the most precious "thing" for you. Obviously after the music, dance and Studio Ghibli. Exchanging a mobile phone - thinking about it now - was really stupid on his part but knowing him it didn't surprise you at all. He could even forget to go to bed if someone didn't remind him. Swap two almost identical phones? Nonsense for him. Honestly, you wouldn't have changed for any reason in the world the hangout in the middle of the night, the walks through deserted streets, the memes that you even exchanged at four in the morning. There was something about your friendship that made you complete, and you hoped it would be the same for him. Perhaps because of that reason, that exact day, you hadn't said a word yet and kept brooding over your thoughts. Lying on a matter in the rehearsal room, staring at the ceiling. Sappherios' Beyond repeatedly rotating thanks to your iPod and everything else outside your world. Everyone noticed your weirdness. Especially the absence of your reaction. All five of them had learned to understand that when something was bothering you, you would talk. Or you danced. Or you sang. Emotions came out of you somehow, but you looked like an abandoned mannequin. Look off and absent. "We'll leave you five minutes alone, okay? Try to understand what's going on... she scares me like that," muttered Byeongkwan, giving a slight pat on the shoulder to the maknae. Maknae that was extremely worried, but he had been quietly waiting. He was very good at waiting. Waiting for your answers, your smiles, your hand that started to slip under his shirt just to tickle him. When it came to you, he would have waited a lifetime. Yet he didn't understand why. You were his best friend, but... There was something in his heart that bothered him. It took away his sleep sometimes, it prevented him from concentrating on the words of the songs, it built problems of concentration. Yuchan simply nodded, and when his hyungs were out of the room, he approached the mattress and dropped dead weight next to you. As he took off an earbud, he slipped it into his ear and closed his eyes, absorbing that melody that caressed the strings of his soul. Instinctively he slipped his arm under your head, turning a little with his torso toward you. "What's going on?" he mimicked with his soft lips since your face was facing him. "Nothing," your lips just moved, but he understood the meaning, arching an eyebrow to throw his gaze "don't bullshit me" at you. "Okay, okay." You turned off the music and set your body entirely towards him, resting your hand on his side as his own slipped on your forearm. His fingers began to run on your bare skin, as they always did when you needed security. A small gesture that contained a thousand words. "I was thinking about our friendship. You know, sometimes looking at you guys I see an incredible relationship. Yet what I feel between you and me is more. So... is our friendship as good for you as it is for me?" 

He listened to you in silence, observing your face and the slight redness on your cheeks. Or that little wrinkle between your eyebrows, it only became visible when you squeezed your eyes tight to hold back your emotions. He observed how even your body, stretched and almost bent on itself, was screaming to him your concern. "Are you stupid? Are these the questions you ask yourself when you go to sleep?" "No, usually not. I do believe, however, that sometimes small assurances are to be given away." "Our friendship is everything. I wouldn't trade it for anything, not even a better version of you." "Yuchan!" Raising his arm, he covered his face and waited for the blows that you had begun to give to his response. But the laughter in the air, your laughter, reassured his mind. If you laughed, the clouds had abandoned your thoughts, and the sun had returned to shine again. The problem - you can never live in peace, you both knew it well - was that Yuchan had lied. Yes, your friendship was everything to him then why did he felt to have told the biggest lie of his life?                                                           ꧁꧂ 

   "Why do you have to come to my house at 3:00 a.m. and drag me there?"

Yuchan's laughter was suffocated by the black mask he was wearing - for what reason you didn't know since there was no living soul in the streets - but you could still feel the warmth that emanated. It was such a beautiful sound that you had secretly recorded it and listened to it from time to time, realizing that negativity wouldn't win against you. "I don't think you've ever complained about our nightly escapades!" "You usually tell me before," you crossed your arms to your chest, puffing and pointing your feet to block you, "Come on, you have a comeback to prepare, and I've got practice tomorrow." "Has this ever stopped us?" He asked, lowering his mask and bowing to your height, his face extremely close to yours, so much so that you could admire the small golden straws that shone in his eyes. That was true. The time had never been a problem, but the worry that he would get too tired was a lot. "No... but..." "Then nothing, though. Where is my best friend? The reckless one who always says yes to everything I say?" "The stupid one then? The one that indulges even the most idiotic bullshits?" You looked into each other's eyes for a few moments, both feeling your mouths open slowly and drawing a smile on your faces. Raising your eyes to the sky, you pushed him and started running, without a goal or a plan. It was just the two of you in the night. What more could you have wanted?

                                                         ꧁꧂

Your destination turned out to be the sea. You didn't even know how you ended up there, but after an eternity sitting in the comfortable seat of a taxi, the smell of salt had awakened your tired mind. Checking the clock on your phone - fortunately, no one was worried about your disappearance -  you would soon be able to admire incredible dawn. A dream of all time, to be able to enjoy the colors of the sky change. What's more, by the sea. Yuchan had been quiet, strangely more than usual, in the last hour of the trip but you hadn't noticed much. You just wanted him to rest and recharge his batteries for the heavy days ahead. His hand took yours in its delicate grip, beginning to drag you to the beach to reach that exact spot where the waves tried to capture the world, inch by inch. "Wait!" you stopped it and bowed, unhooking your favorite converse and savoring the soft feeling of the sand under your bare feet. "There, now it's better!" nodding, you started walking again, dancing with your eyes on every point you could reach. You had left his hand, and Yuchan stood by and watched you. Were you always so damn beautiful as to take the breath away? Or did he just never notice? Had his heart ever beaten so fast, or had it been that small, innocent and kind smile that you had "given him" just before the cause of that irregular heartbeat? "Fuck." The awareness suddenly fell on him. The nightly calls. His eternal desire to be with you. The little but unforgettable moments when he can hug you without you complaining that he was sweaty. He was madly in love with you, and that's what he wanted. It was sharing his life with you, not as a friend but as something more. That's why he would change your friendship. To be able to hold you and scream at the world the fortune he had in having his best friend at his side that allowed him to love her. "Fuck, fuck, fuck... HEY, YOU, STOP!" He screamed, chasing you at the moment the first rays of the sun began to turn the blue of the night into the pale blue of the morning. "WAIT!" he finally reached you, squeezed your wrist, and set you towards him. 

He slipped his arm behind your back, supporting your body because he had caused both of you to lose the balance. But it wasn't enough, after a few seconds you were both lying on the sand. A few layers of clothes to divide you and strange electricity in the air. Immediately Yuchan laid his hands on the ground, holding himself up so that he wouldn't hurt you while you tried to catch your breath looking at him with curiosity. "What did you have to scream about?" "Marry me." Your heart stopped for a few moments, astounded by the only word that had left that mouth from which honey came out every time he sang. Did you hear well or was your imagination - because of your tiredness - playing tricks on you? His eyes were veiled with intense emotion, you read it correctly, but you knew he was a good actor after his various experiences with the group's MVs. "Yuch--" "Marry me." "Are you serious? What the hell is wrong with you?" You struggled to set free the arm from under his weight - albeit light - resting the palm of your hand against his forehead, avoiding to start stroking his soft red hair. A color you found divine on him. "Yuchan.. you shouldn’t joke about things like that." "Does it seem like I'm joking?" he asked, and the silence fell on you two. Yuchan could have been many things, but what he said was never accompanied by veiled lies or half-meanings. "Yuchan... Before we get married, we should date, you know?" "So let's date. Even every day, spend it with me," he began to whisper, getting closer and closer with his face to yours. His breath tickled your lips, and you were sure he could feel how his approach was making your heart beat faster.  "Spend every moment with me, share every fear and joy. Anything you want, but promise me that one day you will marry me. That I can look at you with the eyes of a madly in love man, who wants nothing more than to spend the rest of his days with you."

"God... you're serious." "Before... before I understood." he murmured against your fingers, now still and wavering against his slightly cracked lips, "that there can be no one else in my life. It's you. It's always been you. So... What do you say?" "To what?" "Will you marry me one day?" "That I'd be a fool to say no, Kang Yuchan."

[seriouslyhooked]

Lost Souls and Reveries (Part 6)

18 part AU written for @cssns​. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5. Story available on AO3 Here and FF Here. Banner created by the amazingly talented @shipsxahoy​!!

Killian Jones is a wolf shifter without roots, without plans, and without a pack. He’s a rogue, someone humans should avoid and shifters should be wary of given his lineage. But one night years back set him on a path he didn’t realize he was taking, a path leading to a future he is destined for. That future is tied up in one woman – a human named Emma Nolan. Together Emma and Killian will find not only answers, but a love that’s truly fated. But will love be enough to set them free, or will past demons win out in the end? (Answer: love always wins – I am writing this so despite some tiny pockets of angst it’s basically a fluff-filled insta-love fest). Rated M.

A/N: Hello all! So I debated when drafting this fic how fast I wanted things to go, and I gotta say part of me is kicking myself now. Making this fic so much longer than I originally thought means we are going a little slower than my usual rate, but I really think it will be worth it in the end. That being said, we are at chapter six and you can rest assured more pieces are coming together in the past and in the present. Hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you all think!

“So this morning’s office schedule is pretty light as of now, knock on wood. Just that litter of kittens who need their shots, Lionel Johnson’s iguana who isn’t eating as much as usual, and the Smith’s dog who needs a restitch.”

Emma heard the words that Gus, the clinic’s administrator, was saying, but it all felt very far away even though she stood right beside him. Subconsciously she internalized the information being told to her, and at some level she’d picked it all up, but still Emma was distracted, and distraction and her work simply did not mix. She had to have the facts and focus or her patient’s could suffer, so she silently shook herself and tried to pay better attention, speed-reading the chart Gus handed her that said the exact same things he’d just imparted.

“Chester needs a restitch?”

“Yup. Your Dad checked him earlier on his way out, and the wound was still clean after you patched him up yesterday, but a few of the stitches broke overnight. We think he does that pseudo-running thing some dogs do in their sleep. Doesn’t look like he purposefully messed with it.”

“Got it,” Emma acknowledged, knowing that Gus was right. It was likely just a dream-induced injury, and not something more to worry about. “And Dad’s all good on the farms today? He doesn’t need any back up?”

“No word yet. Last I heard all things were going well, but he’s not at the farms as it turns out. He’s somewhere outside Augusta. Got a call this morning from a remote patient and they said it couldn’t wait.”

“Another referral?” Emma asked and Gus nodded. “Someone should really give him an award or something. He’s got to be the most popular vet in Maine at the rate.”

“You’re telling me,” Gus said motioning towards the schedule in a way that said managing it was no cakewalk. Emma laughed and watched as Gus walked back out front to the waiting area and she knew she should follow suit and head to the exam rooms where her charges were waiting.

Before she could do that, however, she needed to get herself in order, and part of that meant looking through old files to make sure they were giving the best form of treatment. Gus had given her all of the medical histories they had on their regular patients, but for the kittens Emma wondered what exactly would be the best treatment option. They had a number of paths to choose from, and though she could make the decision on her own and be confident in that, she felt a need to be her father today and handle things as he would. To do so, she headed into his office, seeking out the files in the back cabinet that had all his information on strays and rescues.

As she looked for the files, Emma found her eyes moving over to her father’s desk, which was meticulously ordered but comforting at the same time. He had the same familiar pictures standing up there. There was one of her parents at their wedding, one of her Dad and his best friend Lance who Emma considered an Uncle, ones of both Emma and Neal as very small kids, and a recent snapshot of the four of them at Emma’s graduation. But there was only one picture on the table with a person Emma had never met and it was the one of her father and his mother. He was only a newborn in the shot, since his mother hadn’t lived very long after having her father and his twin brother, but it was one of Emma’s favorites all the same. The love in that photo was completely undeniable, and though the loss was heart wrenching and honestly so sad, she’d found her father smiling at it many times before, taking comfort in a mother he never got the chance to know.

Emma’s fingers traced over the frame absentmindedly as she looked at the shot, but before her mind could wander too far on her family history, she heard the tell tale sound of chaos. A chorus of meows that could only be made by very young and rambunctious kittens was sounding out, and the sooner she got to work, the sooner those little cuties could get back to the shelter and the volunteers who would no doubt want to dote on them.

As the day progressed, Emma let herself relax into her work, losing herself in the familiar and unexpected parts of the process. She started by seeing to their nosiest tenants, the half dozen kittens who’d been brought in a few days back. They were ready for their four-week shots, and all of them were well behaved given the circumstances. Turned out all they wanted was some attention and affection, which Emma was very happy to give before and after she administered their vaccinations.

After the kitties, Emma shifted over to iguana care, which, as expected, turned out to be a rather benign case. The iguana was absolutely fine – he was just changing what food he wanted. It turned out normal old romaine could get boring, and Emma was able to get him to eat much more when she offered him a little fruit and some cherry tomatoes. She’d keep him over night for observation, but she was certain he’d pull through.  And as for Chester, the lovable if overactive English setter, his stitches did in fact need tending to but he was a good boy as she did the work. She didn’t even need to call in Gus for back up, and soon enough he was all stitched up and good to go.

This smooth sailing was arguably great, seeing as it made Emma’s life easier, but the lack of intensity in her day opened Emma up to wandering thoughts again. Because there was no real risk involved, her mind could do its own thing as her body did the work she knew by heart, and it turned out that when given the chance all she could think of was Killian Jones and the way he kissed.

And damn could he kiss! Just thinking about it sent a thrill of anticipation up Emma’s spine. That elated sensation reverberated outwards, filling her with this energy that felt almost electric and he wasn’t even with her. Emma was completely by herself, but the room was still filled with anticipation and wanting all the same. It was crazy to be so affected by someone, but that seemed to be how the story went where Emma and Killian were concerned. She’d been drawn in since they first saw each other, and there’d been a build in her wanting him since that first moment, but after that kiss outside the Rabbit Hole… well, leave it to say there was just no way to resist anymore. She had to give in, and damn if giving in didn’t feel so freaking good.

It was so good, in fact, that Emma had caved to that desire more than once in the past few days. The weekend had been filled with little moments, almost of all of which began, ended, or consisted wholly of kissing this man who made her feel so much. There was some talking scattered in between, mostly Killian saying these amazingly sweet or sexy things that just made Emma want him even more, but the kissing was the defining part of every interaction. They were honestly acting like teenagers, finding each other and sneaking away to make out like it was going out of style, but Emma found that she loved it and that she couldn’t get enough.

The excitement of not knowing when she would see him but being certain that he would find her filled Emma with this rush she’d never known before. Part of her was dying to ask Killian exactly what this was between them. She wanted to put labels on the attraction that they clearly shared, but another part of Emma wanted to stay caught up in the moment. It felt so freeing to just be impulsive and take what she wanted, and Emma didn’t think she had ever felt more alive than she did in those fleeting instances. Still, there was only so long that this pattern could hold. At some point her tendency towards needing a plan and craving direction would win out, and when it did she and Killian would have to talk about what was next and when ‘next’ would be here.

The thought of what all of this meant had been weighing on Emma to some degree, and though she tried to keep it to herself throughout the weekend, Emma did confess her slight misgivings to Elsa and to Anna. It was hard not to, especially since she told them about the first kiss. Since being informed of the new direction of Emma and Killian’s relationship, her best friends had been starved for more news and more updates, and because they were like sisters to her, Emma was confident that anything she said would stay between them. She told them honestly about all she felt – about how for right now this was enough, but that she wanted more with Killian eventually – and their insights and perceptions had been most eye opening.

For Anna, this whole dance was a build up that Emma should be enjoying. It had been forever since Emma had shown interest in anyone, and never to this degree, and she’d been so busy with school and now working at the clinic that she hadn’t had time for any kind of flirtation. Anna saw Killian as a means to a delicious and healthy end, and if things lasted in the long run that was great. But more than anything, Anna believed that Emma needed the adventure and a little more spice in her life. Emma agreed with that last part, but she found it hard to be so cavalier about the future. She loved the current dynamic of waiting and wondering, but the thought that somehow this wouldn’t work out or move forward hurt Emma’s heart and had old protective walls wanting to come up again.

Elsa, meanwhile, saw things very differently. To her the worry was not needed, not because Emma wasn’t really putting her heart on the line or feeling more than she ever had, but because it wasn’t actually a risk. Time had only further cemented Elsa’s instinct that Killian was a keeper, and she held him in this esteem that made Emma feel like he would be a permanent fixture in her world and in Storybrooke too. Elsa’s feeling before meeting him had blossomed after his coming to the bar. She’d met him and sized him up completely, and her results gave Emma this incredible hope. Knowing Elsa felt like this was right for her gave Emma room to really believe that it could be, and though she trusted her own instincts to lead her in the right direction, Emma had been counting on Elsa’s gut with even more faith for years…

After everything that happened last night in the alley, Emma felt like she couldn’t tell what was real and was a dream anymore.

She’d come back inside after the attack and had taken her time to find her family again, and when she did it was on the tip of her tongue to say something. She had to tell them, right? They needed to know that two giant wolves had just had a massive showdown in the back of the Boston Children’s Hospital. But for some reason Emma couldn’t say the words. Maybe it was because her parents looked so relieved to see her after she’d run off, or maybe it was the fact that she could see how tired they were from all of their stress, but in the end Emma ended up saying nothing, holding onto memories that confused her and alarmed her.

Emma tried to sleep that night, hoping maybe in the morning it wouldn’t seem quite so crazy, but her dreams were filled with glimpses of those insane moments played over and over again. Panic that her life was ending would shoot through her, only to be ebbed away when the black wolf showed up to save her. She woke up time and again, tossing and turning in her sleep, until finally Emma gave up, rising with the sun and heading back with her mother to the hospital first thing.

Her hope was to see Neal and feel better. She was praying her brother would be in better shape, and that he’d distract her from what had happened. But being in that building again was like living through the trauma all over again. Emma was jumpy and on edge, and she didn’t know how she could make it through this morning, never mind the rest of the day. Her parents asked her if everything was all right, and again she had the chance to come clean and to tell them what had happened, but she just… couldn’t. It felt impossible to say, and though her parents could still tell that she was off, Neal was just as happy to see her as he ever was. He was still frail and fragile, but his smile when Emma was near lit up the whole room. That happiness Neal had became her anchor, and she stayed with him for hours, choosing to remain even when her parents were called away for more meetings with the doctors.

“Oh thank God, I found you guys.”

For a moment Emma thought she must be imagining things, because she heard her best friend’s voice clear as day. That was impossible though. Elsa was in Storybrooke, more than two hours away, but then Neal’s eyes went wide with excitement and he sat up in bed eagerly.

“Elsa! You came to see me! I knew you would come!”

“You did?” Emma asked of Neal, before turning back to Elsa, her eyes growing wet with tears. “You came?”

“I had to. I had a feeling this morning when I woke up that I should be here, so I hopped on the bus and here I am.”

Emma hugged her friend fiercely, trying desperately to keep from crying though her tears broke through all the same. Elsa held onto her tight, infusing in the embrace all the love and compassion they shared as best friends. It meant the world that Elsa was here, that she’d come without even having to be asked, and today of all days Emma needed her most. She’d been feeling so terribly alone, but now she had someone to confide in and to trust her true feelings with for the first time in forever.

“No Anna today?” Emma asked, wondering how in the world Elsa had managed to come alone. She and Anna were practically attached at the hip, and there was no doubt in Emma’s mind that Anna would want to be here to support them too.

“She doesn’t know I came. She’ll be furious when she finds out, but you know she hates to lie, and she’s just terrible at it. I couldn’t trust that she wouldn’t tell Mom and Dad we were coming, and I couldn’t risk not getting here.”

“I can’t believe you’re here,” Emma said as they both took a seat, with Elsa coming next to Neal and exchanging their special handshake they’d formed a few years back at Neal’s insistence.

“It was time,” Neal said, like that was the most obvious thing in the world and both Emma and Elsa laughed at his assured statement.

“Yeah buddy, it was. Sorry I took so long,” Elsa said and Neal accepted her apology as they got to talking.

Elsa filled Neal and Emma in on all the happenings in Storybrooke. Most of it Emma already knew from her daily calls with Elsa and Anna, but Neal ate every update up completely. He asked roughly a million questions and Emma swore she hadn’t seen him this perked up in weeks, but eventually he did get tired again. It was natural that he would get weary as the day went on, and though he had to succumb and go to sleep, he pleaded with Elsa not to go without saying goodbye. Elsa promised, and when Neal was definitely out, Elsa turned to Emma with an expectant look.

“Okay, so you’ve had some time now. You have to tell me what’s going on.”

“You mean other than this?” Emma asked, waving her hand around the room. She didn’t need to say the words aloud. It was obvious that Neal’s illness was taking a toll, but Elsa looked persistent, and Emma knew once her friend was on a case, she never let it go without answers.

“Yes. Something happened. I know it did, I can feel it.”

Emma debated for another moment whether or not she should say anything but eventually she confessed it all to Elsa. She told her about the wolves and the fighting, about her fear and the calm that came thereafter. She didn’t leave any of it out, even the weirdest parts about not being afraid of the second wolf, and when it was all over Elsa didn’t look at her like she thought she was crazy or she was judging her. She just took Emma’s hand in hers and spoke her mind.

“Oh my God, that sounds terrifying. I can’t believe that happened and in the city no less.” Elsa whispered the words but her alarm made it louder than it should have been. Emma worried they would wake Neal, but another look at her little brother showed he was still soundly sleeping.

“But you believe me, right?” Emma asked, needing her friend to believe that she wasn’t as crazy as she felt.

“Of course I do, no question.” Elsa said without hesitation. “But that doesn’t mean I have any idea why it happened. It must have been just a freak thing, but you think someone else would have seen them. They didn’t just disappear.”

“You’re right, they couldn’t have,” Emma said, standing suddenly, feeling like she had to go back to the alley. It was the only way she’d be able to prove what had happened really took place, since there had to be evidence. The battle between the animals out there was brutal, so there must be a trace of something. “Stay here a minute. Okay?”

“Stay? But where are you going?” Realization dawned on Elsa’s eyes a second after she asked the question and she soon stood too. “No Emma, you shouldn’t go down there alone. You can’t. You need -,”

“Elsa, what I need is for you to stay with Neal, okay? I don’t want him to be alone. I promised him he wouldn’t be and I don’t know when my parents will be done with their meeting.”

“But Emma -,”

“Elsa, please?” Emma begged and finally Elsa nodded.

“Fine. I’ll give you five minutes, but if you aren’t back by then I’m coming after you. Got it?”

Emma agreed before bolting from the room. She moved as fast as she could without running, and she wasn’t sure if it was because she had an eerie feeling retracing her steps from last night or because she was so desperate for answers. Either way she was out in the alley way again in no time. Again it was empty, though now she could see everything so clearly and she took care to keep the door open so she wouldn’t get locked out again. Then she moved forward, her breathing heavy and her hands shaking as she entered the space that was once so charged.

From what she could tell nothing looked out of place. The ground was strangely clean. There was no gravel even, and Emma was confused. She knew there should be signs of damage, and there should be a body somewhere too, but when she looked around the corner of the dumpster there was nothing. No blood, no body, nothing out of place. Emma felt even more confused than she had before and a prickle of foreboding climbed up her back. She looked back towards the entrance way, but there was nothing, only the occasional person walking by, completely unaware of her existence.

Emma shook her head, at a loss for words. There was really nothing here. So it had to be a dream right? She’d just had an episode – a mental break people called it. God she was crazy! She was actually losing her mind and –

From the corner of her eye she caught a glimmer of something and she turned to look at it more closely. Stooping down to the ground, she reached for the metal object that was left here, and when her fingertips first made contact she felt a flash of something she couldn’t quite name. It was a white hot surge of awareness, and the only thing she had to compare it to was the moment when she’d first seen the black wolf. It was foreign and bizarre, but also intriguing, and as Emma flipped the pendant over, letting the chain attached fall loosely over her hand, she marveled at the design she found, knowing, even if all signs spoke to the contrary that this was a part of the puzzle currently playing out in her mind.

After a few moments of taking in this mysterious artifact, Emma headed back inside, knowing if she lingered any longer she would have Elsa to answer to, but when she arrived back at the doorway of Neal’s room she was surprised by what she saw: somehow, in the time she’d been gone Elsa and Neal’s roles had been reversed. Her brother, for his part looked wide-awake and totally reenergized, and Elsa seemed to have fallen asleep at his bedside. Emma immediately moved towards her checking she was all right, and her friend came awake with a start.

“Emma? Oh crap, did I fall asleep or something?”

“Yeah you did. You were out like a light. Must have been the early bus ride.”

“It must be,” Elsa said, sounding like she wasn’t quite convinced even though it was the most rational explanation. “Wow I have a headache – what do you think the chances are they have acetaminophen in a hospital?”

Emma laughed at Elsa’s joke, taking comfort in the fact that her friend was returning to herself. “I’d say pretty darn good.”

“What’s acid-o-mini-fin?” Neal asked curiously and Emma responded with a brief explanation causing Neal to wrinkle his nose. “Medicine? But you don’t need medicine Elsa. You need grilled cheese. Emma says everything can be cured with grilled cheese and she knows everything.”

It touched Emma to hear her brother’s high opinion of her, and she tried to fend off the tears that formed in her eyes at his sweet words. God, he was the best kind of kid, and he just had to pull through. Luckily, today he seemed to be doing so well, especially since Elsa had gotten here.

“Did someone say grilled cheese?”

The three of them turned to find her parents holding bags of food that Emma knew would hold their favorite meal inside them and she watched as their eyes grew big at seeing Elsa, but just as Emma expected their shock turned to love and appreciation swiftly. For as much as Emma was a part of Elsa and Anna’s family, Elsa and Anna were just as much a part of hers…

“Knock knock,” two familiar voices said from the doorway of the exam room and Emma turned to find her best friends bearing similar bags to the ones in the memory she’d just been reminiscing over. “Did someone order grilled cheese and onion rings?”

“Uh, no,” Emma answered honestly. “But if you brought them to me I’ll love you forever.”

“Oh you already love us,” Anna said with an eye roll before pointing down the hall towards the back door. “We were thinking picnic tables today, since it’s so nice out.”

“Well first we were thinking we’d ask if you were free for lunch,” Elsa said with a smirk. “But then Anna decided that you would forsake any plans for a grilled cheese.”

“Historically yes, that has been the case,” Emma replied with a laugh cleaning up a bit before following her friends out into the beautiful summer afternoon.

“I said we shouldn’t assume, especially with the way things are going with a certain new neighbor,” Elsa supplied, making Emma blush at the mention of Killian. She tried to conceal it by brushing off some of the stray leaves from atop the picnic table that her parents had put back here years ago.

“And then I told Elsa that it’s not an issue because there was no way you’d plan a real date without telling us first.”

“So all those breakfasts just don’t count?” Emma asked trying to sound like she was teasing and not fully affected by this conversation, and Anna shook her head firmly as she took a seat.

“No ma’am they do not. Until that man sweeps you off your feet with a romantic dinner or trip or something, I’m not counting it. Diner pancakes do not a love story make. You need a proper date.”

Emma wanted to respond that all of those mornings spent with Killian kind of did feel like the start of a love story. She felt the same nerves and excitement every time she and Killian had shared breakfast that people claimed to feel on a really good date, but approaching footsteps on the path here at the side of the clinic stopped her. Emma guessed it would be Gus with an update, or maybe Belle coming to join them or something, but when she saw their guest was Killian she was struck with an instant anticipation that made her almost dizzy.

“Well speak of the devil, and he shall appear,” Anna chortled with delight. “Not that I think you’re the devil,” she explained to Killian. “You seem very nice and not at all hellish or evil.”

Emma knew that Anna’s words, though radically out there and kind of wild, would be seen as no threat to Killian. He had a good sense of humor, and he seemed to understand her bestie’s tendency to turn a strange phrase now and again. But she still felt relief when she heard his throaty chuckle and saw the smile on his face. She’d been fighting back a groan, and she exhaled a sigh of contentment as she looked back at him, finding herself hypnotized by his ocean-colored eyes.

“I appreciate your assessment, Anna. I’ll have you know I see no devilish qualities in you either.”

“Really? Because I do,” Elsa replied, her joking tone making everyone laugh again as Emma awaited whatever moment was about to come.

“So, what brings you out this way?” Anna asked, clearly digging for the information Emma wanted and Killian only spared her a second’s glance before looking back to Emma.

“I’m actually hear to ask Emma on a ‘proper’ date if you can believe it.”

“You are?!” Anna asked excitedly as Emma asked a question of her own. “God, you heard that?”

“Yes I did, and yes I am. I had thought it would go a bit differently,” Killian confessed, and Emma knew he was referring to their audience. It occurred to her then that she wanted things to be different as well, and as much as she loved Anna and Elsa, she didn’t want this moment to come with so little privacy. So when Killian looked like he might press on and still ask her, she grabbed his hand and tried to turn things in a new direction.

“Maybe we could just…” she trailed off looking back at her friends. “Could you give us a second?”

“Absolutely,” Elsa said for both Anna and Elsa. But where Elsa looked totally fine with Emma and Killian leaving for a bit, Anna looked downright disappointed. In this moment she looked like a little girl again, and Emma found she had to muffle a laugh as she pulled Killian towards the door to the clinic, and back inside, away from prying eyes.

“Well this is an unexpected pleasure. I finally get to see where you work.”

“Oh, right,” Emma said, forgetting that he hadn’t been here before. Over the past week he’d become the focus of so much of her time and thinking that Emma weirdly felt like he’d always been here. “Do you want a tour?”

“Maybe another time, love. I’ve already crashed your lunch with your friends. Probably best to keep things brief or we may face repercussions.”

“Good call,” Emma agreed as she led him into his office and shut the door behind them.

When they were finally alone Emma felt her already present excitement amplify and she waited to see if he’d let go of her hand or get right to the point, but he didn’t. Instead he moved closer to her, his hands running over her body in that now so familiar way. In their wake they left trails of arousal and desire, and Emma arched slightly closer, looking for something to take off this edge of need that he brought her every time. She looked up at him, her eyes tracing the curve of his lips, and she wanted him to kiss her right now. She wet her lips just thinking about it, and she swore she felt a growl come from his chest at the action. But instead of giving in, he held back, his hand coming up to cup her cheek in a sweat and steady gesture.

“I came here today with the intention of asking you out, love.”

His confession was laced in a husky tone that told Emma Killian was similarly in need of some kind of release. She honestly didn’t know if kissing would be enough. She wanted so much more, it was like her body and her common sense had disengaged from each other. They were at the clinic where she worked, and though the door was closed any number of interruptions could come, but it didn’t seem to matter to Emma. She still wanted more… only after a moment did she realize he was waiting for her to respond and she swallowed harshly, forcing the words out though her throat was tight with her emotion.

“So I gathered. Are you still planning to?” she asked, as her hands trailed lightly over his chest.

“I know I should, but I don’t think I can,” he said, surprising her, but before she could feel the sting of rejection he clarified. “I don’t think I can risk you saying no. I’m tempted just to tell you that we are going out, because I want you too much.”

“I won’t say no,” Emma promised, trying but failing to suppress the thrill of his words. They were dominant and demanding, but Emma knew he would never wield that power against her.  Killian was a man who took what he wanted, but he also respected her, cherished her even, and all his admission did was stoke the flames more and more.

“Thank God for that. So tonight then?”

“I’m off here at six. Pick me up at seven?”

“Aye, love. Nothing could keep me away.”

With that agreement settled between them, Emma arguably could have moved to return to her lunch. Her friends were waiting on her and she only had so long for a break before she had to return to her duties of the day. Yet she couldn’t let Killian go without taking some of what she wanted. She pulled him in for a kiss, but where she might have instigated the embrace, Killian soon took over. It was hot and heavy and full of inexplicable promise, and Emma wasn’t too proud to admit that she lost her head a little bit. Killian transported her out of time and space, and he made her forget herself and where they were until he finally let her go, reminding her that though they had to stop for now, there was always tonight.

“I don’t know if I can wait that long,” Emma confessed, knowing she should be embarrassed by saying that but she couldn’t seem to muster that emotion. She was too blissed out on good feelings to let anything bad in.

“It will be a trial for sure, but I believe you capable of anything, Emma, once you set your mind to it.”

The compliment washed over Emma and she brought him in for one last kiss. This one was fleeting and swift, but she couldn’t help herself, and from the gleam in his eyes, Emma knew Killian felt the same way. Without any more words he offered her his hand to lead her back outside, but when they left the office door, they were greeted by an unexpected face in the hallway.

“Emma?”

Shit! Her Dad was here. Shit! Shit! Shit!

“Uh… hi Dad,” she said awkwardly. “I thought you were out on a call.”

Emma didn’t know what to do here and she looked at Killian for some kind of reaction. The only thing she saw in his expression was openness. He was looking for her to lead and he cemented that by squeezing her hand slightly. Only then did she realize they were still holding hands, but as she looked to her father, she saw he had definitely noticed. Instinctively Emma let go, but she felt the loss the moment that she did, and she found herself regretting that decision.

“I was, but it didn’t end up being the emergency they thought.” Her Dad looked over to Killian for a minute, clearly sizing him up, and Emma repressed the urge to groan at how blatantly over protective he was being.

“Doctor Nolan, I’m Killian Jones. It’s nice to meet you, finally.” Killian offered his hand in greeting, and though Emma was scared her Dad wouldn’t accept it, he immediately did. Thank God – Emma didn’t know what she’d do if there was a scene right now. She was mortified enough as is.

“You too. I’ve heard a lot about you and I suspect we’ll have to have a talk at some point about your intentions.”

Okay, now Emma was really embarrassed. Killian had literally just asked her on a date and her Dad was pulling this? It was way too early for talks like that, right? It wasn’t fair to pressure Killian into anything. There was a good chance the date wouldn’t go well, or maybe Killian would change his mind. But just the thought of either of those things happening made Emma’s stomach sink painfully.

“Aye, I’m not going anywhere, sir, so I look forward to it.”

It was hard to mute her reaction to those words, but Emma tried her best. They filled her with this insurmountable hope, because she knew Killian was a good man. If he said he was staying he was staying, and if he said he’d someday subject himself to that talk with her Dad then that meant he really say a future for them. Thank goodness for that, because with every passing day Emma felt herself falling deeper and deeper into this and into him. Killian Jones was impossible to resist, and he proved that by being a rock and support for her even in this trying moment.

“All right, well now that you two have got that all figured out… I’m going to see Killian off and get back to my lunch. I’ll see you in thirty minutes?” she asked her Dad nodded before saying good bye to Killian and heading into the exam room. With that, Emma led Killian out the door once more.

“I’m so sorry about that. If I had known my Dad would be here…”

“It’s more than okay, Emma. I was glad to meet him. I imagine we’ll be seeing more of each other in the near future.”

“But we haven’t even had the first date yet,” Emma said with a smirk. “What if it goes terribly?”

“Will you be there?” Killian asked and Emma nodded, not tracking his logic until he spelled it out for her. “Then by definition it will be perfect.”

Emma felt herself melt a little more at his promise, and as he said his goodbyes she was tempted to go after him, but she had already made her friends wait too long. It hadn’t been any more than ten minutes or so, but still, they deserved her full attention, or at least as much of it as she could give.

“So… how did it go?” Anna asked innocently. Emma blushed and her friends both drew their conclusions immediately. “That good huh?”

“Oh yeah. He asked me out for tonight, and it was going really, really well, at least until we ran into my father.”

“Your Dad is here?!” both Anna and Elsa yelled and Emma nodded.  “God this just keeps getting better.”

“He’s going to want to talk about it,” Emma said, not knowing how to handle it if her father did ask her about Killian.

“Of course he is,” Elsa agreed. “But it’s going to be okay either way. Your Dad is a reasonable man over all. Just tell him what you want when you want, and remember, the day has to end eventually.”

And when it does, I’ll get to see Killian again, Emma thought to herself, feeling the rush of excitement and nerves all over again. And as the day went on, Emma held close to that anchor of excitement, wondering where they night might take them and what kind of magic a date with this man would bring to her world.

Post-Note: I cannot even tell you guys how excited I am for the date chapter. It’s been something I have been looking forward to for a while for a number of reasons, one of which being that the flashback is actually a happy one. Can you imagine?! Yes, you read that right, next chapter is basically a fluff fest, and it will be here in two weeks. Anyway I hope you enjoyed the story and I would love to know what you guys thought. Underneath the flashbacks and the present story, I’m putting in little crumbs of what’s to come, and they might be really obvious to you guys but as someone who never writes stories with any kind of twist or anything, it’s a big deal for me. Hope to see you all again in two weeks!

Tag list (if you would like to be added, please let me know): @jennjenn615 @winterbaby89 @kmomof4 @teamhook @ultraluckycatnd @coliferoncer @resident-of-storybrooke @artistic-writer @snowbellewells @snarkycaptainswan4 @allofdafandoms-blog @eastside-divebar

[thenervousmedic]

A coffee a day... (Connor x Reader)

Note: I had some help! :D I lovely user by the name @rk800downloading was nice enough to give the beginnign part of this chapter a quick read-through. turns out i;ve been spelling Thirium as ‘therium’ this entire time- whoops. so big thanks to them for catching that ;w;

3 1/2 k words.

Summary: Hank brings you to his home for safekeeping where you end up snooping around his files to look at what they knew about your case. It’s not much, but you can;t help yourself, digging into the black hole that is investigative work to contribute your own theories.

A coffee a day- Chapter 5: A professional sleepover.

Hank let out a long drawn out sigh, stopping a short walk away from the hospital. Getting out of his car with a grunt of effort to grab what lay in the back seat. A set of large old-looking clothes were slung over his arm, the rustling of the fabric lost amongst a brush of air, leaves being swept up from the floor in a strong gust of wind. This was dumb…. Fuck it, if Connor doesn’t like it he can kiss his ass. He’s not going all the way to your house to pick up clothes for you. Not because of the effort- mostly because he doesn't want to invade a strangers home and rummage around their belongings uninvited.

His face wrinkled into a slight snarl as the androids words rattled around his brain. “Y/N is the only lead we have on this case Lieutenant, I feel it would be of our best interest to keep her as close and safe as possible.” A smile took its place as he walked. Connor had dropped everything he was supposed to accomplish in order to save him from falling the other day, maybe there was something there he couldn’t see just yet.

The approaching doors of the hospital put a knot firmly in his stomach. A heavy urge to drink began pawing across his spine and throat. With a heavy breath he went in, barely even showing his badge to the receptionist droid, heading straight for your room. You’re going to be in his house for who knows how long, and it's not exactly the prettiest playground on the planet, so he might as well make a better impression than last time.

--

“Oh, you’re not dead yet.” His barking voice was like managing to listen to the personified sound of toast. Crunchy and slightly burnt at the edges but welcoming and warm. You were sat at the edge of the bed, dangling your legs over the side while Connor stood clumsily looking as if he’d been caught with his head in a cookie jar. He probably would’ve pointed out your exact health statistics if you hadn't already answered with a short but witty “Not yet, but the boredom is going to finish me off sooner or later.”

His responding grin made you feel fuzzy. Not quite the fuzzy you got from Connor but more like the feeling of pride at earning one from the stereotypical grumpy old man. “Alright, put these on, you’re not getting in my car looking like that-” A quick hand gesture motioned at your patient’s nightgown brought some mild embarrassment. You weren't really one to wear skirts or dresses to the feeling of the open-legged hospital clothing was very emotionally uncomfortable. “Wait really?” You ask in surprise as the new clothes are handed to you. They feel freshly washed, like they’re still warm from a tumble dryer, and were definitely some of Hank’s clothes. “Are you sure it’s ok for me to use these?”

--

Connor watched on in confusion as the two of you talked it over; Hank repeatedly assuring you it’s no big deal while you thanked him and moved behind a curtain to change. He wasn't going to question the old man, it would only slow down progress, instead walking over to the doorway ready to leave. The longer you stay here the more your probability of further harm rises.

You emerged shortly after going behind the curtain, Hank’s heavy clothes looked gigantic on you, the coat alone hung down past your knees with its sleeves rolled up so your fingertips just barely peeked out from the ends. Connor felt his thirium pump do something strange, a malfunction perhaps, as it needlessly began to speed up and almost sounded louder in his internal audio. You were laughing from how much the clothes dwarfed you, so was Hank, but he couldn’t hear much of it over his own systems whirring. “I’m like a real detective now.”

“Yeah, well, this ‘real detective’ needs to get her ass in my car.” He grumbled back, turning to leave as you stumbled to catch up - taking Connor’s hand on the way past since he seemed pretty rooted to the spot. “Earth to Connor.” Your smile was hypnotic. “You’re not scanning me are you?” “No.” His voice strained for a moment, almost sounding embarrassed, as he trailed along beside you without taking his hand away from yours. It was an odd gesture but if you started it so calmly then he wasn’t going to go and make things difficult. Your hand was so soft… he soon found himself smiling, tightening his grip ever so slightly as he sped up to match your pace. Overtaking you on the way to the door. “I’m sorry, I was distracted by something.”

--

No... Did he just?

You said that to him. When you gave him the coffee that morning- when you had been lost in thought just looking at him awkwardly like a complete idiot. Heat went straight to your face at the thought of him remembering it, god it was so cringy, noooo. You dare not look directly at him, but the small window of peripheral vision did allow you to catch the smirk plastered to his dumb face.

As you got to the car Hank was already inside, the engine running, his gaze absently on the horizon as the two of you got closer. Seemingly off in his own little world too. You tried to insist on getting in yourself but Connor was having none of it; opening the door for you and hovering strangely close once you sat down. You finally stared back at his big brown eyes as he broke contact with you- looking just to the right of your head while reaching out to do something. A tingling electrical buzz went off in your chest as his hand came up to brush a messy slither of your hair back behind your ear before just as quickly stopping and grabbing the seatbelt. Tightly clicking you in place with a startling clank that shoved you back into reality.

Connor took the front seat, naturally, next to Hank and strapped himself in also. Hank not waiting for the android to be secure before setting off down the sunridden road. Fireworks had just been set off in Connor’s head and he couldn’t understand it for the life of him. For once he dared not open his mouth and ask Hank what it meant, not with you in the car, what was stopping him…

It built up slowly, like pouring water into a tall glass, the want to hear you say something. Anything. So long as you were talking he could satisfy that part of his programming that was going haywire.

“Y/N, how is your injury? I did not pick up any signs of pain from the walk.” “Ah she’s a tough cookie, Connor, even if she felt it she wouldn't say anything.” Hank chuckled back while briefly looking in his middle mirror to catch you smiling back at him. He was right, you wouldn’t have mentioned it regardless, keeping it to yourself was just natural.

“I'm fine, Connor, really. Thank you for worrying though, you're very sweet.”

You couldn't catch it from where you sat but Connors face was twisted into what looked like mild frustration. The bumping of the car jostling everyone around. It hurt, but not a lot, so you kept quiet about it. Instead shifting the conversation.

“Thank you for letting me come to your place, Lieutenant, I promise I won't be any trouble.”

Hank blew air roughly out of his nose, looking away from where he was driving for a second with an annoyed huff, “You're starting to sound like Connor.” despite the angry body language his voice betrayed the amusement behind it. “Call me Hank.”

Rays of sun started hitting you in the eyes, dusk closing over the city streets as the final glowing shards of daylight started to drown behind buildings. “We never really did get to introduce ourselves…”

You grinned automatically, knowing this was mostly Connors fault, trying to sit neat and straight in your seat. “My name is Y/N. Y/N Woods. It's nice to finally meet you.”

“Fuckin-a’ it is" he grumbled under a breath before finally answering back with a short- “Hank... Anderson.”

-- As the car came to a rocky halt everyone bailed out of the car at their own speed. The street was blanketed in that dim autumn atmosphere that can't really be described. The dust and leaves that littered the pavement held conversations with one another whilst being whisked away in a flurry of chilled wind. A damp but not murky taste to the air, fresh cut grass and someone's distant cooking coming and going as it pleased.

The house itself was quite cute and did indeed reflect its owner. The garden was unkempt and scraggly with weeds growing out of every crack in the path. But even if they're weeds, they're still flowering, they're still worth letting grow. You tried not to recoil upon walking through the front door when the scent of alcohol and dog roughly mauled your senses.

“I have a couch but you can use the bed if you want, I sleep on the sofa most of the time anyway.” The complete hollow sadness that enveloped Hanks tone drove empathetic daggers into your heart. The open kitchen and living room seemingly fucked for the sake of being fucked.

You had to admit though, this was already light years ahead of the hospital in terms of comfort. The smell of booze, though strong, wasn't as overpowering as you first thought and each scattered object added a little more character to the rooms they were in. Books lined every available shelf near the TV in a chaotic yet orderly fashion. “Sumo!” Hank barked into the house, throwing his coat haphazardly onto a small wooden kitchen chair.

“WOOF”

A large bundle of heavy fur and muscle waddled it’s way out of the distant bedroom. A saint Bernard, of course, the big droopy features on its face tensed into happy panting. Hank mumbled something inaudible as you cautiously walked in- looking a little out of place while Connor shut the door behind you.

The house wasn’t inherently bad. If anything it was a big step up from the discomfort of the hospital; the walls were lined with character. “Hank. Can I speak with you?” The serious inflection to his tone made you curious and yet completely discouraged you from trying to listen in as Connor directed Hank away from you. Sitting yourself quietly down on the sofa with a hand placed firmly across the sewn up bullet wound- trying to ignore the continual sting that arose now your painkillers were wearing off.

It was easy to tell which little hoard of written information was work related- the only stack of folders in the house that actually looked importantly wrapped. One on top of another in a knee-high collum; all underneath an old dingy laptop. Sumo huffed as he padded over to you, seemingly interested in the fact you wore clothing that still held faint traces of his owners scent, sniffing heavily at one of your sleeves while you reached forward to pat him.

Man, you loved dogs, you loved all animals. Sumo was no exception. Big, fluffy, with a gentle heart- you were smitten immediately.

His short puffy tail wobbled back and forth as you smooshed his cheeks together, giving him every little inch of attention you could spare, completely forgetting about the rising pain in your abdomen as he jumped up onto the sofa with you. You were… incredibly stuck. He’s so heavy! But you couldn’t bring yourself to be unhappy at the fact you were not partially buried under half a ton of happy-looking dog. “S-sumo stop!” She giggled uncontrollably, big slobbery dog-kisses now soaked your hands and face, forcing you to wipe your cheeks with Hank’s sleeve. The other two stopped their conversation to watch you, Hank being unable to hide the smile that came from seeing you get smothered by Sumo, Connor’s arms going back to their default position at his sides. “Well… It looks like you’re having the couch then-” Hank waved his hand at you, not bothering to call off his oh so terrifying companion from pinning you down. “-I’m going to bed. Don’t wake me.” “I’ll try not to!” you chirped back as Sumo settled down a little, curling himself onto your lap with the intent on keeping you there.

“That was actually for Connor-” You couldn’t hold back the snickers that came from imagining Hank being awoken in the middle of the night by Connor to go on some intense deviant hunt. “Night.”

--

The house was mostly silent when you woke back up, only a few short hours from when you had fallen asleep, the weight of Sumo no longer pressed onto your legs. It wasn’t really a cold night, but it wasn’t warm either, the air just kind of sat still like it was waiting for you to make a move. You missed your own apartment… as nice as it was to be here you couldn’t help the homesickness that gnawed at your neck. Your bedroom was a little messy but you knew where everything was. It was like having your own little word to live in, a retreat from the hassle that was talking to strangers all day as your job. As confident as you appeared, there were some days where you just couldn’t stand the thought of facing another human and actually looking at them, nevermind saying words to their face.

Shuffling to sit with your legs along the cushions while you nosed about the closest folders of information. You weren't usually one to snoop, but it WAS a case involving you, so you figured it couldn’t be bad to take a little peep inside. The writing was all perfectly uniform and printed, obviously Connors, with each letter spaced apart the perfect amount to make it easy enough to read and yet fit a good amount of words per page. Something fell into place, a little jigsaw piece in your mind that had been away from its post for a very long time, the love of a mystery.

As you glanced across the page, taking in every little detail that was your case, ideas sprang to mind and started yelping for your attention. Theories, leads, causation, reason. Visual threads begun weaving around the papers you had unknowingly spread out onto the coffee table beside you. Red wired tangling around invisible pinpoints of interest, totally engrossing you in it’s evidence. Your name was written several times along the side as well as a few other women of a similar age to you. The words ‘Biocode = B10C0D3, what does it mean, where can I put this?’ written on a separate page by itself in the center.

Without thinking you grabbed Hank’s dirty old laptop and booted it up, your fingers glided across the keys so seamlessly connecting one word after another you could have been mistaken for an android. A sound file emerged from your searches, it had only a few downloads but curiosity prompted you to check it out regardless.

“Biocode, a key component to creating an android, without it they would just be hollow husks. Not all coding is full of ones and zeros, just because that is a core component to how a machine thinks doesn’t mean it can’t think past those numbers…. Like you and I, no? Our brains zip around giving little electrical shocks from one neuron to another but that’s only a part of what it means to think. Just because you think doesn’t make you who you are, your experiences do.” You were completely absorbed. Crossing your arms to lean over and stare at the screen as a young man spoke with such enthusiasm it made you believe every word that came out of his mouth.

“If we made these androids without biocode we’d get robots… not androids. Our androids think, they process what’s given to them in a very human way to make them more… alive.” He looked directly at the camera. You could feel the hairs on your arms stand, the sudden dryness of your mouth. Every part of you yearned to hear more, but his smile betrayed the cockiness that was his upcoming ego. “Such an interesting concept don’t you think? Sentience. Complete autonomy. Of course our androids will never experience this, it’s not in their programming-” The video cut out, almost as if the entire speech was a practice round before the real thing, but the words remained with you for a long while. Grabbing the spare page with ‘B10C0D3’ printed in the middle, letting the pen you picked up scribble away at what you immediately turned into a spider diagram. Alive, Programming, Deviancy, and Jayden all splaying from the center, each branching out their own tree of thought as it rolled off of your hand as quickly as it came to mind.

“What are you doing?” You almost screamed, only just managing to slam a hand over your mouth as to not wake anyone who might be asleep. Connor was sat next to you. How long had he been there. How didn't you notice?

“N-nothing! Just… I thought maybe-” Guilt made it harder to speak your mind, knowing that you didn’t actually have the right to touch any of this stuff- nevermind interfere with a police investigation. His warm brown eyes loomed over your shoulder to look at the frenzied notes you had taken.

“You appear to be tense.” true to his word you froze up once he placed a hand on your shoulder, leaning you back against his chest as the rest of you stayed stretched out across the couch. “Is this better?” his hand reached up to gently stroke through your hair, de-tangling the scruffy mop with each brush through.

“Y-yeah.” You didn't quite know how to respond, finding a small shy smile creep it’s way onto your lips, his head resting atop yours so he could read your new information. He was quite impressed. In the short hour you had taken to do some research you had got more answeres than he had managed to scrape up from looking in the wrong places. “Do…. you want me to keep going?” He hummed for a moment, almost like he was contemplating turning down the offer, before reaching over your shoulder to hold the paper for you. “If you feel you have any useful contributions to our investigation then please don’t hesitate to share them. You are a key part in this afterall.” A sickeningly sweet feeling started hugging at your chest as you tried to focus on recalling information for Connor to note down.

--

This lasted for hours. Connor wasn’t sure he had done the right thing, cuddling up behind you while you worked, but the positive affect it was having on your mental state urged him to continue. Humans who feel safer and more relaxed tend to recall information easier than those experiencing too much stress. You were very quiet, but he didn’t mind that, he could see everything you wrote from this vantage point over your head. Though your heart rate did noticeably rise every time his hand wandered back to your hair- taking some time to brush down the soft strands.

Your concentration was admirable given the terrible grades you had in school. it’s almost like something didn’t quite line up between your real intellect and what the tests were built to determine. “Y/N. Maybe I ask you a personal question?” -- Uh oh, personal questions? Well surely it has something to do with the case, otherwise why would he even be asking. “Sure, what is it?” “You trained to become an investigator for detroit's police force-” you mumbled something too quiet to pick up in response before he continued. “-Why didn't you send your application in? I have no record of you attempting to join the department, which is a shame considering your apparent proficiency in the field.”

A long sigh escapes your breath, putting down the pen to rest both hands on your stomach cautiously. Why did he have to ask about that, i mean sure it’s relevant but it’s not… you didn't want to explain that to him. Truth be told you were terrified of failure, although the job excited you the thought of getting a case you couldn't solve was a gut wrenching and entirely possible scenario. You had chickened out… “Have I upset you?” “No, no, it’s fine, i’m just kinda… weighing my options right now.” you grunt while putting the paperwork onto the coffee table, closing the laptop to put it on the floor beside Sumo.

“I’d like to hear the truth option, if that’s available.” The way he said it almost made you snort, god he was so straightforward, it was practically impossible to keep anything to yourself once he’d asked. The dread that hung over many questions almost seemed to step aside at his command.

“I’m not… good enough for that job, Connor. I’m not like you, or like Hank, i’m just too…” You pause was met with silence as you raised both hands to your face and slid down the sofa to put your head on Connors lap. His hand now resting on your shoulder. “Dumb. I’m too Stupid.”

“...I don't think you’re unintelligent Y/N.” “......Thanks Connor…”

[harriet-tuttle]

Highlights from Mark Watches Death Note

Episode 1

Ryuk is… well, he could be on a friendly baking show, and I’d still be terrified of him. HE LOOKS LIKE WHAT I THINK ALL CLOWNS LOOK LIKE: ENDLESSLY FRIGHTENING.

Episode 2

I mean, word of advice, Light: stop acting like an arrogant teenager who discovered Ayn Rand or something. FREE ADVICE FOR YOU, DUDE.

Episode 3

Watari stands by the laptop that’s connected to L, which has to be the most boring job imaginable.

Episode 4

He stops viewing these people as humans and instead seems them entirely as pawns. They’re good for nothing more than his goal: to rid the world of all criminals and create a utopia. What utopia that might be is left unsaid, not because the show is trying to hide it from us, but because Light probably hasn’t even decided what it’s going to be.

Seriously, Light is the worst. (That is an odd sentence to type. Makes it sound like I hate electricity or something.)

Episode 5

Initially, I was convinced that he just wanted to misdirect Penber. That was easy to do, and after Penber got off the bus, I figured that was it.

But no.

Nope.

NOT AT ALL.

Episode 6

L ACTUALLY SMILED. (That was my single favorite moment in the whole episode.)

Episode 7

When we’re not focusing on how Light is THE LITERAL WORST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE, Death Note gives us more of the relationship between L and the police officers who have won his trust.

Episode 8

So how will the future of this anime look? I don’t think you can sustain this kind of back-and-forth for nearly thirty episodes, especially since Death Note is already barreling forward as it is. Will Light slip up and reveal something about himself to L? Is there a third party I haven’t met yet that will mess things up? And what of the very strange subplot involving Ryuk’s withdrawal from apples? Was that there to drop a hint about the shinigami, or was it weird just for the sake of it? (I realize I’m asking for background information on a floating reaper who looks like a clown, so… whatever.)

Episode 9

I honestly thought that L and Light wouldn’t meet until well past the halfway mark because… well, that’s why all the tension existed! Neither of them were ever in the same physical space, and they were exacting a war against each other from a distance.

That’s why L’s actions are so fucking flagrant and brilliant. No one expected this. Not me, not Light, PROBABLY NOT ANY OF YOU.

Episode 10

Even if he has Light investigate himself, it only means that he’ll eventually lead them straight to him anyway. It’ll happen either through his fantastic deductive work, or Light will give away something to the team. But does that mean that L will have to introduce Light to the other officers on the task force? That seems like a bad idea

Episode 11

Somehow, Kira had killed Ukita without knowing his real name. Understandably, EVERYONE FREAKS OUT. THAT INCLUDED ME. How? How had Light been able to do this while standing in his bedroom? He couldn’t have possibly known who would show up to the police station. But let’s say he did. “Assault” takes things a step further when Light’s father drives a bus into the station. Will Light risk killing him if he discovers who drove the bus? Oh, but let’s take this a step further: two random cops who show up to deal with the police bus that sits in the lobby ARE KILLED. There is a 0% chance that Light knew their names, so how? HOW???

Episode 12

There’s so much going on in this episode that I was positive the show would cut away right before Second Kira’s shinigami revealed how to kill him. Why would they reveal something this huge so early into the show? Because Death Note doesn’t give a shit about me, and I was shocked to watch an extended flashback sequence play out.

Episode 13

In the thirteenth episode of Death Note, I will repeat myself endlessly while reviewing this: HOW DOES IT KEEP ESCALATING.

I just have to expect this show to throw me into an abyss every episode. I just have to do this to survive.

Episode 14

At the very least, I don’t think Misa will last much longer because she’s too much of a risk to Light. IT’S GONNA HAPPEN, I’M CALLING IT.

Episode 15

I get that catching Kira is a big deal for all of these people, and I’m happy that they all believe that Kira’s murders are 100% wrong. Does that mean they should be allowed to do something like this to a teenage girl??? No, not at all!!! It’s horrifying! Did they feed her? Anything???

Episode 16

NOW I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO THIS SHOW IS ABOUT. WHAT THE FUCK.

Episode 17

As for Light? Well, he’s now handcuffed to L. FOR TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY. (Major BOOOOO to that weird-ass line where Misa calls them gross because boys shouldn’t be handcuffed together? Yuck.)

[N.B.: This is the first and only remark by Mark Oshiro, Gayest Reviewer on Planet Earth, that in any way acknowledges subtext between Light and L. Behold the glory of this non-barking dog, my psychotic fandom.]

Episode 18

At this point, does L even suspect anyone else aside from Light and Misa? No, not really, even when he guesses (correctly!) that Kira’s “power” can jump from one person to the next. I don’t think L will ever take his eye off of Light for the remainder of the show.

Episode 19

In the nineteenth episode of Death Note, I really loved this, and MATSUDA IS GREAT.

Episode 20

Yet this is where the main schism happens. L, unsurprisingly, wants to follow the option that allows his theories to be proven. That’s who he is. He’s nearly as averse to being impulsive as Light, so he doesn’t want to move ahead with an arrest UNLESS he can prove every bit of his hypothesis. In this case, that means letting people die, despite knowing that these men are going to use Kira to kill them. There is a tragic irony in the fact that Light finds this plan abhorrent because DUDE, YOU HAVE KILLED MORE PEOPLE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS DAMN SHOW.

Episode 21

However, then she stated that she wanted to do something to get even closer to Light and impress him.

HOW WAS A DATE WITH HIGUCHI GOING TO HELP HER DO THAT? Oh, Mark, YOU DON’T GET IT.  Look, the very nature of Death Note means I’m always going to act like a fool whenever someone tells the truth.

Episode 22

Look, I kept thinking that EVERYTHING was going to go wrong. When Light called the Yotsuba men, I was certain they’d spoil the plan. Then I thought that Higuchi wouldn’t actually go through with murdering Matsuda. And then, as each piece fell into place, the tension got worse because WHAT IF HE ACTUALLY REVEALS HOW HE KILLS? How is Misa going to react to that?

Episode 23

How the hell are there fourteen more episodes??? HOW???

Episode 24

I’m so nervous about this development, though, because it allows Light to be completely free of the investigative team. Oh, sure, he’ll probably stick around so he can monitor everything, keep these people from getting close to him, but now? He’s won, hasn’t he? At least for the time being. However, there are now a bunch of variables and chaotic factors just sitting around. All these detectives and cops and investigators all know the truth of the Death Note. (Well, except that Light lied about one of the rules that governs the notebook. HE IS SO EVIL, Y’ALL.) How are they going to approach this case knowing the truth? I bet that Light will start killing criminals in the next episode, and I don’t know how this will progress from there. Don’t they all know way too much? Can’t they use the knowledge they have of the Death Note to be better detectives? How many red herrings will Light give them to keep them busy?

I am comfortable stating that something like that can’t last forever. Something will have to come crashing down. What could that be???

Episode 25

What the hell is wrong with this show.

Episode 26

Y’all, Death Note doesn’t even fuck around when it comes to CLIP EPISODES.

Episode 27

WELL, THIS IS HOW THERE ARE MORE EPISODES OF THIS SHOW. THE DEATH NOTE IS INTERNATIONAL NOW, AND LIGHT IS GONNA GET FUCKED UP. Episode 28

The elaborate, complicated, and utterly ridiculous means that Mello and his men go to in order to obtain the Death Note is significant because, as I said before, no one had been able to truly best Light. Ever. Ever. L tried, and LOOK WHERE THAT GOT HIM. (I miss him.) But Mello comes out of nowhere, concocts a truly absurd method to get what he wants, and executes it flawlessly. Seriously, let’s go over this. He:

orchestrates the quietest hijacking of an airplane ever, all so that it can land somewhere in the middle of the desert in America and then continue on to its final destination of Los Angeles. (Can you imagine how fucking terrifying that must have been if you were on that plane? IT LANDED IN THE DESERT!!!! Good lord, they’re probably all traumatized now.)

is fully aware that Soichiro will be monitored by satellite, so the entire swap is UNDERGROUND IN A SECRET BUNKER THAT SOME GANG OR MAFIA ONCE USED.

has his man utilize a revolving door that is so deviously brilliant that I can’t even believe a human thought of it.

has that same man making the trade test out the Death Note before accepting it

then has two separate “vehicles” leave the compound at the same time so that those surveilling him don’t know which one has the Death Note on it.

makes one of the vehicles a missile. I cannot even remotely exaggerate here, y’all. A missile. A MISSILE.

I THOUGHT LIGHT WAS RIDICULOUS AND OVERLY-DETAILED ABOUT HIS PLANS, BUT HE HAS CLEARLY MET HIS MATCH.

Episode 29

(Does that mean he gave up half his life AND HE ONLY HAD A FEW HOURS LEFT ANYWAY? Good god.)

Episode 30

In order to subvert what Near is doing, he turns the President against the SPK and has him PUBLICLY DECLARE THAT THE U.S. WILL NOT PURSUE KIRA. He knows that everyone is afraid of him, so the threat against the President’s life is easy. It’s a no-brainer. But when Near gets a little too close to the truth, Light takes matters a step further, unleashing Demegawa’s dogma as a weapon. He stokes the flames of anger and resentment, and he lets this man loose on the airwaves, and A GIANT CROWD OF PEOPLE ARE BREAKING INTO SPK HEADQUARTERS TO OSTENSIBLY MURDER EVERYONE THERE AND HOW IS THIS A MORAL, PEACEFUL WORLD, LIGHT? PLEASE ANSWER THAT.

Episode 31

But how? How does Light slip up so terribly after meticulously constructing this entire existence meant to protect him?

I think the answer to that can be found in the way that Near behaves. It’s so much clearer now that Near is NOTHING like L, and his brash, aggressive manner speaks to that. I believe Light composed his master manipulation with L in mind. There was a code of sorts that L followed. Near, however, doesn’t give a shit. He really doesn’t.

Episode 32

WELL. I said that I wasn’t sure why Mikami had been introduced to us so suddenly and without a real sense for who he is, AND THUS, I GOT THIS EPISODE.

Episode 33

She then requests five pages of the Death Note and tells him to continue killing people with a “fake” notebook. Which makes no sense to me! How can Mikami kill anyone if his notebook is fake? Perhaps I misunderstood this, and Mikami scheduled out deaths in order to cover himself. But what did he do with the real Death Note? Hide it? Give it back to Light? Of course, all of this is useless to talk about if Mikami didn’t actually do as he was told. HOW THE FUCK DID MIKAMI KILL THAT MAN ON THE TRAIN? How?????? I DON’T GET IT.

Episode 34

Credit for that goes to Gevanni, who was given one of the most difficult tasks on the whole team. Surveilling Mikami had been bad enough, but he’s asked to break into the man’s locker at the gym and touch the Death Note. IT’S SO TERRIFYINGLY RISKY, ISN’T IT. Yes, it’ll give him the power to see a shinigami, but Ryuk could be RIGHT THERE. Watching him. READY TO WARN MIKAMI ABOUT HOW CLOSE THE SPK ARE.

Bless that man’s heart. That whole sequence was terrifying.

Episode 35

I’m still struggling to understand why he did it. Why kidnap Takada? If his goal was to catch Kira before Near did, then I suppose he was trying to draw Kira out by kidnapping someone associated with him. As Kira’s spokesperson, Takada was the only person that Mello had access to who could make this goal of his a reality.

Lord, does he underestimate EVERYTHING, though. Kidnapping a high-profile media personality was bad enough. Did he think no one would follow him or figure out a way to locate Takada? However, it’s Takada’s resourcefulness that ends up taking Mello down. I still don’t know how this fits in with Light’s plan for Mikami. Does he have a fake Death Note or not? We do see what Takada does with one of the pages that Mikami gave her, but I’m also a little confused by that, too. As far as I understood it, Light genuinely did not expect her to have that page, nor did he think she would use the Death Note to kill anyone if she was ever captured. Indeed, that’s part of the conversation that they have over the phone near the end of the episode. Light refers to a vague “plan” that he had discussed with Takada about what should happen if she were captured. Which was???? We don’t ever find out because she made her own choice.

Episode 36

The show drags this moment out to an impossible length, and even if it’s seriously unbelievable (WAY MORE THAN THIRTY SECONDS PASSED, COME ON), it’s compelling and nerve-wracking. This is it. There’s no leaving that room unless one side wins. You know, Death Note has been fairly cynical along the way, so if it ends with Light’s victory, I wouldn’t necessarily be surprised. But I want Near to reveal that he knew this would happen because… well, I want to see Light pay for what he’s done. I want to see him fall from his unnatural height because he’s played with human lives as if they are nothing more than pieces of garbage to be discarded as he saw fit.

I want Near to bring justice to this world because Light has no idea what justice is.

Episode 37

I found it incredibly powerful that after thirty-six episodes of this man proudly and defiantly claiming that he was at the head of a moral mission to protect the world from evil, Near called him a murderer. IT IS ABSOLUTELY THE BEST SINGLE EXCHANGE IN THE ENTIRE EPISODE, PERHAPS THE WHOLE SERIES. In just a few sentences, Near obliterated Light’s logic. He called him a serial killer and a murderer and refused to accept a single shred of this man’s terrible logic. I LOVE IT SO MUCH, EVERYONE. I think it’s a perfect lead-in to what comes next: Matsuda’s reaction. After Near so brilliantly dissected what was wrong with Light, I believe that Matsuda broke. And honestly, I don’t think there was a better choice of a character to finally go up against Light and to fatally harm him. Look at his transformation! He went from the goofy, underused investigator to the man who wanted desperately to be seen, to be respected. Then, as L was killed and Kira became an undeniable part of the world, he turned into a fanboy. He began to support the idea of Kira, perhaps not totally, but enough to be entertained by the drama that unfolded around him. He couldn’t take the case seriously because… well, did anyone take it seriously?

So when he found out that he’d been played, that the killer they’d been searching for the whole time was right next to him, he snapped. This story belonged to Matsuda, and it’s about the best closure I could ask for.

This was a fun journey, y’all, and now I know why people had been recommending me this show for so many years. I UNDERSTAND.

[ddproductionsw77]

Four Kisses

Fandom: IT (2017)

Pairing(s): Stenbrough, Billverly (it happens but, like, just trust me on this guys, okay?), Hints of Reddie and hints of Benverly

Characters: Stan Uris, Bill Denbrough, Beverly Marsh, Ben Hanscom, Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak, and Richie Tozier

Rating: T

Description: A story of four different kisses between four different people that ends with two boys being a little scared and a lot in love (Aged-Up to High School)

Author’s Note: Because Stenbrough deserves more love and I love my boys so much <3

The First Kiss (That started it all…)

It had begun, like so many things, in the summer of ’89.

Bill and Stanley had always been best friends.

Bill understood him better than most, listening to him and reasoning with him when he had to. There were times were Stan felt like a neon display board before Bill, like the other boy could read every thought in his frantic, nervous brain. There were times where they would look at each other and not have to utter a single word to know what the other was thinking.

Stan cherished those times.

And Bill would just do things… things he really didn’t need to just because he wanted to. Over time, Stan had come to understand it was just a fundamental part of Bill that he would do anything for a fellow Loser. Still, he found himself a little awestruck by it from time to time.

It was in the summer of ’89, though, that they met Beverly Anne Marsh.

Stan saw the way Bill watched her.

He saw how the other boy’s jaw would slacken and his mouth would fall open a bit like Beverly was a masterpiece to behold. He saw the way the pair would inch toward each other, would brush the backs of their hands together, would blush and smile at each other like they had some little secret. And for a long time, Stan didn’t understand why Bill and Bev’s interactions lingered in his brain. He couldn’t explain the way his gut twisted when Bill would glance at him only to slip his gaze back to Bev.

He didn’t really want to think about it too much. It felt... dangerous to dwell on.

Yeah, it started in the summer, just a week after Beverly had moved away from Derry and right before they’d start their last year of middle school. Bill was still moping around, as was Ben. Mike had to help his grandfather with the farm and Eddie had some appointment for an x-ray on his arm. So, Stan had wordlessly let Richie in when the bespectacled boy had shown up on his stoop, just like he had about a million times before.

Richie made his way noisily through the Uris household. Once he reached Stan’s bedroom, he threw himself down on the other boy’s neatly made bed. Stan remained standing, rigid in his posture by the door.

Richie sat up, groaning and resting a hand against his side, “Son of a bitch.”

Stanley rolled his eyes before wordlessly leaving the room.

He returned a moment later with a glass of water and two capsules of pain reliever. Kicking Richie’s dirty converse with his gleaming shoes, Stan held both out, “Drink up, Trashmouth. It’ll help.”

Richie swallowed the pills after a roll of his eyes, before narrowing his gaze on Stan, “What?”

“What?”

“The fuck you lookin’ at me like that for?”

“Oh, I don’t know because it’s not like you just got your ass handed to you by your mother.” Stan snapped, sarcastically.

Richie’s face broke into an impish grin and he winked, “There he is, Stan the Man, everybody!”

Stan wasn’t a moron, he’d seen the way Richie looked at Eddie — a bit like how Bill looked at Bev. He inspected his orderly fingernails, all the exact same length and filed smooth. His heart pounded in his chest and he began uttering the names of birds under his breath.

Richie’s grin faltered a bit, familiar with the nervous tick, but he managed to keep it in place as he stood up and raised his hands playfully, “No need to have a meltdown over little ole me, Stanley. Breathe.”

“It’s not that,” Stan shook his head, turning away from Richie to begin pacing, “Robin — Sparrow — Crane — it’s something — Swallow — else.”

“O…kay,” Richie hummed, watching his friend wear down the carpet. “Spit it out, Stanny Boy. Can’t be that bad; I already know about you killing Jesus and all that.”

“Beep, beep,” Stan muttered darkly before sighing loudly, “Richie, what- I know you- Can you—“

“Jesus fuck, Stanley!”

“How did you know you liked boys?” Stan finally got out, feeling like he might vomit the moment he managed it. Richie stared at him with a bewildered expression on his face and Stan cleared his throat that felt like it was closing up on him and stopped dead, “I mean, wh-what does it feel like?”

“What does it feel like?” Richie echoed, stunned. “To be into dudes?”

Stan nodded, not meeting the other boy's eyes through his glasses. “That’s what I fucking asked, isn’t it?”

Just like that, the Trashmouth seemed to snap himself out of his shock, his expression curling into his signature smirk of amusement. He rolled his eyes and Stanley contemplated punching him in the throat. Before he could act on this, though, Richie opened his mouth.

“I’m pretty damn sure you know exactly what it’s like, Stan the Man. Or have I just been imagining all the eye fucking you’ve been doing to our poor, innocent Billy Boy?”

Stan was mortified, staring at Richie with wide eyes like a deer caught in headlights.

Holy fuck, was it that obvious?

Richie sighed at Stan’s horrified expression before taking a few slow steps toward the other boy. He raised his hands in mock surrender again and grinned, “Stan, it’s fine. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who notices. Nobody else really thinks about how a guy looks at another guy…”

“But, but I can’t like Bill,” Stan implored, “I don’t like him.”

Richie looked thoughtful for a moment, chewing his lip before suddenly grabbing Stanley. Before Stan could react, Richie kissed him.

His first kiss…

It was short and quick, nothing like in the movies with fireworks and slow motion. Nothing like how Stan had thought it would be to kiss another boy then again it was Richie and not Bill.

It was always Bill in his head…

When it was over a beat later, Stan began sputtering and Richie cut him off. “Stanley, just listen to me, okay?”

Stan mutely nodded.

Richie sighed and shrugged before continuing, “Did you feel anything?”

Mouth pressed into a tight, white line and fist clenched, Stan shook his head.

“Me neither,” Richie supplied. “All I could think about was E— um, someone else, wishing I was kissing them. You?”

Stan nodded once again.

“Bill?”

Nod.

“Stanny, you got it bad.” Richie stepped away from him, making his way back toward Stan’s bed.

Stan gulped, “I know about Eddie.”

Richie froze, back still to Stan. A second later, his shoulders slumped and he looked back at his friend, “Yeah, well, I got it pretty bad, too.”

So, Stanley was gay.

And he really liked Bill Denbrough.

And he didn’t have a fucking chance.

The Second Kiss (That complicated everything…)

Stanley managed to live with these inevitabilities throughout all eighth grade.

It’d been pretty easy with Bill still be very much missing Beverly Marsh. He’d spend hours telling Stan, Richie, Eddie, Ben, and Mike about what they talked about on the phone when she did manage to call. Stan knew Bev wrote Bill, too, having caught sight of letters tucked into Bill’s notebooks with her handwriting sprawled across them.

It was easy to remember Bill was a hopeless case when he had those constant reminders.

High school was different, though.

Bill hardly ever brought Bev up anymore and when someone — usually Ben — did, he’d just smile and say he missed her before moving along. No more long sighs or forlorn, lovesick looks. Anyone could sense a difference in the dynamic especially Stan, who knew Bill best.

Another change that came with Freshman year was that Stanley found getting his straight As was a bit more difficult. He abhorred English and art most of all because he wasn’t one for interpretation and that seemed to be all those subjects were. He liked the comfort of fact in numbers and equations, like in science and mathematics.

Luckily, Bill had stepped up to help him once his classic literature grade fell to a C-.

The boys would spend hours in the library or in one of their bedrooms, pouring over Shakespeare, Hawthorne, and Tolstoy. Bill loved Jules Verne, H.P. Lovecraft, and H.G. Wells, Stan discovered, and he’d read Frankenstein and Dracula three times each, annotating his own copies to hell.

What Stan loved most of all, though, was when he was really stuck, Bill would read aloud to him. The other boy never once stuttered when uttering the words of long-dead authors and just like that the passage would make sense to Stan. It was good for both of them.

Their almost daily after-school meetings had become the best part of Stan’s routine. Being with Bill and having his full attention for a few hours, that would be enough to pacify him. He’d never have to confront all the swirling confusion in his head over his best friend if he could just keep having those few hours.

The month before spring break, however, everything got fucked up.

It was dark in Bill’s bedroom, the only light coming from the dim lamp on his bedside table and the setting sun outside the windows. Stan laid back across the foot of his best friend’s bed, staring up at the ceiling without seeing it. His mind wandered as Bill sat up with his back to his headboard, reading aloud from a book of Edgar Allen Poe poetry.

“His pleasures always turn’d to pain—

His naivete to wild desire—

His wits to love—his wine to fire,”

Something had changed in Bill’s voice and he grew quiet.

Stan turned his head to look at the other boy, eyebrows drawing together.

His stomach dropped, finding Bill’s bright blue eyes focusing on him intensely as if he’d forgotten the book before him entirely. Electricity buzzed through Stan’s bloodstream and he slowly rose to a sitting position, eyes never leaving Bill’s as the other boy opened his mouth, continuing without even glancing at the words.

“And so, being young and dipt in folly,

I fell in love with melancholy…”

Stan’s eyes flickered to Bill’s lips as the other boy trailed off and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. The air seemed heavy with some raw emotion that Stan couldn’t name for the life of him. His heart pounded in his ears and he leaned forward as if a string was tugging him closer to Bill.

Stan wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss Bill Denbrough more in that moment than he’d ever wanted anything in his whole life.

Like he was reading Stan’s mind once again, Bill pushed the book aside and moved forward until his face was inches from Stan’s.

The curly haired boy took in the scent of him, wanting to commit it to memory so that he’d be able to take it out and revel in it later. Bill smelled how Stan imagined all writers must smell; like paper and ink, book and boy. Stanley fell into those piercing blue eyes with his own hooded irises, being pulled under the current of them without a fight.

When Bill spoke it was so quiet that even centimeters apart Stan barely heard him.

“I fell in love with melancholy.”

Then they were kissing.

Stan gripped Bill’s baseball tee like it was the only thing keeping him from floating far, far away and Bill settled in closer, his fingers tracing the bones of Stan’s rib cage as he felt the rise and fall of the other boy’s lungs.

They parted for a second, eyes fluttering open to stare at each other before Bill kissed him again.

Soon, Bill gently pulled Stan on top of him, sprawling them back on the bed. Stan let himself fall onto his elbows and hovered over the other boy. Bill gripped his hips and pulled him down, closer. Without paying any mind to his actions, Stanley slotted his fingers into Bill’s hair and was reminded of the down feathers of birds.

Bill smiled again his lips, moving his hands to his face and kissing him harder. A moment later, his best friend’s tongue was in his mouth and Stan felt lightheaded. Grape chapstick and spearmint toothpaste were what Bill Denbrough tasted like; Stan had always wondered.

Now he knew… Maybe he had died, or maybe he was dreaming because kissing Bill Denbrough could not be his reality.

Stanley Uris was not that lucky.

Bill pulled at Stan’s shirt, untucking it and slipping his hands under the hem. As his cool fingers made contact with Stan’s pale skin, a shock went through the boy’s whole body and brought him crashing back to reality.

He was kissing a boy.

He was kissing Bill.

—and Bill had untucked his shirt! It would get wrinkled! He would go home and his mother would ask why his shirt was wrinkled and he’d have to tell her! She’d see it on his face! That he’d kissed a—

Stan jumped up, shoving Bill back, “No! Stop! I—No!”

He tried to correct his shirt but his hands were shaking too badly and his vision was blurring.

Ohgodohgodohgod!

FuckFuckFuck!

Stan’s head was spinning and he thought he might throw up —what a shame that would be; it’d make all the Bill taste go away. What the hell had just happened? What— what the fuck was he supposed to do?

Bill was on his feet in seconds and striving toward him, “W-wait, Stan, p-p-please—!“

He reached out to gently rest a hand on Stanley’s arm, touching Stanley’s skin again. Yelping as if burned, Stan ran into Bill’s dresser and nearly fell to the ground trying to scramble away.

Bill liked girls—Stan was gay.

Bill could never like him—Stan didn’t have a chance.

Bill looked so hurt—Were those tears in his eyes?

It couldn’t be, this wasn’t happening.

“Stan, I’m s-s-sorry, okay? I juh-juh-juh—“ Bill seemed stuck on the word and Stan longed to stay put and wait patiently for him to get there eventually but he just couldn’t this time. Not when he would still feel Bill’s hands on his back and taste grapes and spearmint in his mouth.

“You shouldn’t have— You can’t— I can’t—“ Stan clawed up his bag from the ground and bit his cheek hard, looking back at Bill once more before he fled the bedroom.

Stan hated himself after that, even more than usual. He went gone to school the next day and expected to be confronted, yelled at, or even punched. He wanted to feel Bill’s anger, like a penance for what he’d done.

He was shit and he deserved to be treated like it.

But, of fucking course, Bill was who he was so none of that happened.

Instead, Bill had greeted him with all the other guys, a smile on his lips. If the smile didn’t reach his eyes, Stan didn’t let himself think about it and he most definitely didn’t comment on it. He didn’t comment either when Bill said he couldn’t tutor him after school that day, or the next, or the next.

Bill didn’t like him. Maybe Bill was curious or maybe he felt bad for Stan, maybe he’d found out how Stan felt. The kiss could have come from a million different things but Bill most definitely didn’t like him.

The Third Kiss (That clarified it all…)

Beverly was coming back to Derry.

Bill couldn’t believe it, honestly. The Losers Club was conditioned to take hits as they came and rarely stumbled into fortune. Beverly coming back, though, that was a fucking miracle.

He’d missed her like crazy. He missed her spirited presence, her easy humor, the way she was always brushing hair off her face and smirking at him like he was the biggest fucking nerd she’d ever met but she still found it endearing. He missed her floral perfume and her mixed wardrobe of dresses, leggings, and overalls always paired with untied work boots that never tripped her.

The first day of spring break, when she’d come strolling up the Denbough’s sidewalk, Bill had thought for a moment that no time had passed at all. Maybe it was still the summer of 1989. Maybe Bev had never left, maybe he’d had never kissed Stan, maybe Stan hadn’t shoved him away, maybe the ache in his chest wasn’t really there.

But, no, that wasn’t how the world worked. Bev coming home didn’t reset the clock.

Beverly ran and hugged Bill first, shrieking in joy as she ran into his waiting arms.

Bill lifted her right off her feet and spun her through the air. Setting her down gently, Bill ignored the feeling of eyes on his back. He didn’t have to look to know it was Stanley watching them; he could feel it in his chest.

Bev was just as excited to see Ben, Richie, Eddie, Mike, and Stan as she had been Bill. Still, the stuttering boy noticed how Ben’s arms lingered around Bev’s waist then they embraced. When the pair finally parted, Bill also noticed the faintest of pinks spread across Beverly’s freckles

Bill thought he should probably feel jealous.

Fuck, how long had he been hung up on Beverly after she moved away? Months? A year? Now she was back and he was so happy to be around her again but not like he’d been back then. His palms didn’t sweat when she stood close anymore and his heart didn’t skip a beat when her blue eyes glanced his way.

No, Bill’s heart raced for someone else these days… not that it mattered.

Stan had hardly spoken to him seen they’d kissed. He didn’t come over anymore and never invited Bill over. Ben or Eddie helped him with his homework nowadays and something in Bill’s chest burned with anger every time he thought about it.

What right did Stanley have to be angry at him? So what? Bill had kissed him, so fucking what? He’d obviously misread everything between him and Stan; he’d thought something was there that obviously wasn’t but did that really deserve the cold shoulder? The total and complete write off?

Fuck Stanley Uris.

Bill didn’t need him, could learn to not long for him, would force himself to move forward. He’d done it once already, after all, over his infatuation with Beverly and he’d do it again over Stan.

Bill could figure this out.

He could.

Things took a turn for the stupid on Bev’s last night in town, however.

Her aunt went a town over to visit a friend, giving her niece permission to stay with one of her friends. Of course, Beverly had asked Bill. The Denbrough house was like Losers Club headquarters; everyone stayed there.

And Bill had said yes because why wouldn’t he? His parents were even out of town for the weekend; he didn’t have to bother with asking their permission if it would be okay.

That night, Beverly grinned at him, swirling her finger over the rim of one of his father’s whiskey glasses.

“Thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’, Billy?”

He snorted, resting a hand on her’s to still it, “N-no way, Bev. My Dad would notice, t-trust me.”

Bev pouted, looking downcast at the wooden floors. Bill narrowed his eyes before sighing and taking back the hand on her’s to pinch the bridge of his nose. “B-but, I think I might have su-su-something up i-in my ruh-ruh-room.”

“Your stutter still gets worse when you’re nervous, like when we were kids,” Beverly grinned, “It’s still cute.” She leaned forward to whisper before grasping his hand and leading the way upstairs.

Bill had the good stuff, tequila, one of Beverly’s personal favorites. The bottle started full and within a few hours, it was nearly finished off.

The pair sat on Bill’s floor, laughing at something that sober Bill and Bev would have known was not that funny but drunk Bill and Bev thought was fucking hilarious. The radio played loudly through the room so that both of them had to raise their voices to be heard by the other.

“So,” Bev started with a giggle after taking an impressive gulp of liquor, “You and Stan…?”

Bill grin fell and he suddenly felt the boards of his bed dig into his back as he sprawled his legs out in front of him, “No. Definitely nothing happening there.”

His stutter always faded away when he was drunk enough, he loved it.

Her eyebrows drew together, “Bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit,” Bill reaffirmed, taking the bottle back for another swig, “He—He’s not—It’s not bullshit. Nothing is going on.”

Beverly fell back, growing quiet with a look of confusion.

The tell-tale strings of ‘Come On, Eileen’ began playing and Bev gasped, jumping to her feet so quickly it was actually quite impressive to behold.

“Oh fuck, I love this song!” She cried, beginning to dance about. Bill watched with an amused curl of his lip, his back to his bed, still on the floor. A second later, Beverly was grabbing at him and dragging him to his feet. “Dance with me!”

Bill set the tequila aside and allowed her to pull him up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, coaxing him into a reluctant sway. He laughed at the ridiculousness of it all before resting his hands on her waist. Within seconds, the pair was dancing dizzily around Bill’s bedroom, stepping on each other’s feet and nearly tripping over his rug.

Spinning Beverly, Bill pulled her back into his chest and grinned down at her face, just inches from his own.

These people round here

Wear beaten-down eyes sunk in smoke-dried faces

They're so resigned to what their fate is

But not us (no, never)

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow,” Beverly mumbled, growing somber as her big blue eyes looked into Bill’s.

His heart sunk and he swallowed, “But you’re moving back in the summer. You’ll be back before you know it.”

“I don’t want to wait till summer. I miss you,” She said with a sigh, “I miss all of you.”

“We miss you, too,” He admitted, “Saying goodbye is gunna suck.”

Beverly nodded, glancing back with a slight blush before she looked up with a playful smiling, “Remember saying goodbye last time?”

Bill mind flashed to a summertime breeze, the scent of blood in the air, and Beverly’s lips on his. He’d been so swept up in her back then. Her heart, her mind, her everything was just so beautiful… still was.

“Yeah, I remember.”

Beverly slipped her hands from around his neck to his face, cradling his jaw and running her thumbs over his cheekbones. With a little huff of resignation, she leaned in, pulled him in, and kissed him hard.

Suddenly, Bill felt thirteen again, trying to tell his first crush everything he felt for her in one last goodbye kiss. He wrapped his arms around Beverly, pushing himself flush against her and deepening the searing, tequila flavored kiss.

No, not us (no, never)

We are far too young and clever (remember)

Too-ra-loo-ra, too-ra-loo-rye, aye

And you'll hum this tune forever

With a moan, Beverly pushed her tongue into his mouth and he greedily accepted the invitation. Something in the back of his mind screamed out in protest, reminding him of ironed shirts, pristine Adias, and curly brown hair, but he was too drunk on liquor, Beverly, and music to care.

Walking the girl backward, Bill picked her up when they reach his bed and sat her down on the mattress. Quickly tossing his shirt aside, he slotted himself between her legs and ducked his head to kiss down her neck from the ear to the base. Beverly gripped his hair and moaned when he pressed his lips to a certain spot.

“Bill—“ She breathed out, pulling at his hair until he was forced to pull away and meet her gaze. “Are you sure? Nothing has to happen. I’m gone tomorrow.”

“That’s the p-p-point, Bev,” Bill muttered, kissing her again and laying her back on his bed to hover over her, “We’re j-j-just suh-saying goodbye.”

She traced a thumb over his lower lip, “Even drunk, you stutter when you’re nervous,” Bev echoed herself from earlier before nodding, “Okay, Billy, tell me goodbye.”

So, he did.

Come on Eileen

Oh, I swear what he means

Aah, come on let's

Take off everything

That pretty red dress

Eileen (tell him yes)

The Fourth Kiss (The one that finally brought them together.)

“Get the fuck up and put some goddamn clothes on!” Someone yelled, shaking Bill awake.

He startled up and looked blearily on. He found he had a splitting headache and was indeed clothe-less; Richie Tozier of all people was standing in his room, too.

He squinted away from the sun and groaned, “Wh-what time is it?”

“Time for you to fucking explain some shit,” Richie snapped, throwing boxers and a t-shirt at his friend harder than necessary. “So put your dick away, please.”

After tugging the clothes on, Bill’s brain began to whirl at a sickening pace and he glanced around the bedroom once again.

“Looking for Bevvie?” Richie asked, quirking an eyebrow. “She already left. A fucking hour ago. That was why I was here, why all the Losers were here; to tell her goodbye until the summer.” Richie explained, sounding more and more angry with each word. “When fucking Stanley asked where the fuck you were, you know what Bevvie said?”

Bill looked away, ears flushing. He could guess…

“She said you two had already said your goodbyes… So, I thought, what the fuck does that mean? And then she got all weird and blush-y and wouldn’t look any of us in the goddamn eye. You know what I thought then, Billy Boy?”

Bill cringed, both at what he knew was next and at Richie’s rising voice.

“I thought, holy shit… Bill fucked Bev.”

“Sh-sh-shut up, Richie!” Bill snapped, looking back up at his friend to glare, “It wasn’t like that.”

“Wasn't like what, Bill? Hmm? You didn’t have sex with Beverly, then?” Richie accused.

Bill fell silent, his whole face now bright red. Richie snorted.

Anger now igniting in his chest as well, “Wh-what’s it to you anyway, Tozier? Wh-what happened has f-fuck all to do with you!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Richie looked at him incredulously, “No way you don’t see how fucked up what you did is. Normally, you’re a fucking moral compress, Denbrough, you know you screwed up!”

“Wh-what?” Bill asked, genuinely confused, “With Bev? It was just a goodbye, Richie! She k-knows that! It’s not like s-she’s in love with me!”

“BUT STAN IS!” Richie yelled at the top of his lung, slamming a fist down on Bill’s desk. His glasses were knocked askew.

Bill stood stock still, forgetting to breathe for a second. All the emotions, feelings, thoughts he’d been trying to repress ever since Stan’s rejection came crashing into him like a tidal wave. Shakily, his knees gave out.

Falling back onto his mattress, Bill swallowed hard and shook his head, “B-beep beep, Trashmouth. Y-you have no idea wh-what you’re t-talking about.”

“No, no, you don’t get to fucking ‘beep’ me right now, Billiam!” Richie snapped, putting a finger up. “I know exactly what I’m talking about! I’m talking about how Stanley told me he had feelings for you almost two fucking years ago! I’m talking about how you, not Stan, started up all the flirting and the alone time with him this year! I’m fucking talking about how much a total dick you have got to be to string Stan along, only to fuck Beverly!”

“I-I-I was-n’t st-stringing him alo-along!” Bill felt like he had no oxygen, making him gasp with each involuntary stutter. It was so fucking infuriating and made him itch to punch something.

A numbness slowly venturing up from his fingertips to spread across his body. He choked as he tried again to speak, “H-he— He—“

“Shit, this’ll kill him,” Richie grabbed a fist of his own curls and tugged with a groan, “Fuck you, Bill. Fuck you.”

With that Richie left him alone in his bedroom.

Even after the weekend ended and he’d had so much time to think, Bill had no clue what to do.

Stan couldn’t have feelings for him, no matter what bullshit Richie said. Bill had given Stan every hint and clue in the book — hell, read him fucking poetry and kissed him — and all he’d gotten was ignorance and rejection.

If Stan cared about him like he cared about him, why would he push him away at every turn?

But if Stan, somehow, someway, did feel the same as Bill… How the hell would he ever be able to tell him what he’d done?

Days later and sober, Bill could admit that having sex with Beverly hadn’t just been about saying goodbye to a friend and it wasn’t just about losing his virginity and it wasn’t just about being drunk. A part of him, a part he hated with a passion, had wanted…revenge.

He’d wanted to make Stan feel as shitty as he had watching the other boy tear away from him and get as far from him as possible. Having sex with Beverly, in some part, had been about getting back at Stan. It’d been out of spite.

Richie was right, Bill was a total dick. Fuck him.

Still, Bill didn’t completely regret it. He and Beverly had needed that closure, that certainty that nothing could ever happen between them anymore. They were meant for other people.

As he slowly walked to his locker, his locker just two down from Stan’s, he kept his eyes on his grey high-tops as they scuffed across the linoleum. His heart hammered in his chest and he had to make a conscious effort to not crush the paper in his hand.

Chancing a glance up, Bill came to a sudden halt that resulted in a body slamming into his shoulder from behind and nearly sent him sprawling. He barely noticed.

Stan was at his own locker with the door open, fiddling around with his textbooks until they were neatly ordered from tallest to shortest in size. Wearing a light blue polo and khaki slacks, Bill’s chest twisted at how the mere sight of the other boy could send him reeling.

Did Stan really have feelings for him, too? How would Bill ever tell him?

Taking a shaky breath, closing his eyes and counting to ten, Bill forced himself forward. Stan looked over as if he could feel Bill’s approaching presence. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he glanced back away, hands jumping back to rearrange his already perfect books.

Why does he have to be so damn cute?

Moving until he was only a few feet away, Bill cleared his throat, “I n-n-need t-t-to talk to yuh-you.”

“Yes!” Stan squawked, turning scarlet at the ears, “I mean, okay, sure… When?”

“Study h-hall?”

Stan nodded, expecting Bill to leave at that point. Only, he didn’t. He shifted from foot-to-foot before holding out his hand silently. There in his palm sat a piece of paper folded into the shape of a bird.

Stan stared at it for a long moment before glancing up into Bill’s eyes, “What’s that?”

Bill rubbed the back of his neck, “It’s an or-origami bird.”

“Oh,” Stan mumbled, cheeks flushing as he smiled just a little. Nodding, he carefully took the paper bird. Bill watched as Stan tucked the little thing into his locker, atop his history book. He turned back to Bill, “Thank you for...” He pointed.

Bill nodded, feeling even worse now about telling Stanley the truth. He sighed and started to walk backward, “I’ll suh-see you in study h-hall.”

Stan nodded, closing his locker and heading in the opposite direction. As he walked to class, his mind lingered on the little paper bird taking up residence on his history book. It was the first time Bill had asked to speak to him alone since... the incident. For a split second, Stan let himself hope that was significant and then immediately scolded himself.

He hated himself for hoping.

Study hall was both Bill and Stan’s second period and came more quickly than either of them was prepared for. Before things had gotten so messy and complicated between them, they had met almost every day in the Derry High Library, at the very same table in the far back corner where the librarian rarely bothered to check.

It was kind of Loser claimed, like the table in the cafeteria by the window where they all ate lunch together. By some miracle, all six boys had the same lunch period. Ben, Mike, and Stan always packed their lunches and Bill and Richie always waited through the line while everyone pretended not to notice how Eddie trailed alongside Richie despite packing his own lunch as well.

The table in the far back corner in the library was a bit like that. Their territory, neutral ground to any Loser... or two Losers who weren’t quite sure how to act around each other anymore.

Stan was waiting for Bill, straightening the pages of his notebook with an intense expression. So neat and orderly, Bill admired that about Stan since he just barely managed to keep his clutter organized enough for himself.

“H-hey,” He greeted, dropping his bag on to the table and slumping into the chair beside Stan.

“Hello,” Stan finally looked up from his notebook, still nervously fiddling with his nails. Meeting Bill’s eyes for a beat, he quickly went about inspecting his hands, “You wanted to talk?”

Bill nodded, trying to think of the right way to lay everything out.

He didn’t want Stan to run away again, didn’t think he could bear it again, but he was also so tired of keeping everything locked up in his head. He needed a release and to ease the weight on his chest before he exploded.

Half-panicked, he blurted out, “I had s-s-sex with Beverly.”

Stan’s fiddling fingers froze and his head shot up to look at Bill, mouth agape. He blinked and swallowed before slowly breathing out, “Oh,” Forcing in a lungful of air, Stan cleared his throat, “Congratulations, I guess?”

That was what one guy said to another when they scored, right? That was what Bill wanted him to say, right? Because they were friends and normal guys who aren’t in like — or maybe something more — with their best friends would be happy that their buddy had ‘gotten laid’.

Be normal, Stan. Just be normal. Ignore how much you want to throw up or cry or scream and just be fucking normal. He silently chanted, biting the inside of his cheek hard.

Bill sighed and dropped his head into his hand before looking back up at Stanley with a long sigh, “No, not c-con-congratulations! F-f-fuck, I juh-just—“

The boy was obviously flustered and nervous, with how much he was noticeably struggling with his stutter. Stan watched Bill rake a hand through his hair, hair he’d once touched too, with an air of confused. Well, what the fuck did Bill want from him, then? Why the fuck was he even telling him this?

“I m-m-messed up.”

The curly haired boy’s eyebrows drew together, “How? You like Beverly, so—“

“I don’t.” Bill cut off, his voice determined and sure. “Nuh-not like that, at least. The sex made that p-p-pretty clear. I m-messed up because I was with her wh-when I really like someone else.”

“Someone else?” Stan echoed, the pain in his chest growing sharper with each word. First, he’d had to hear about Bill fucking Beverly and now he was going to have to hear about some new girl that Bill liked even more? He didn’t want to listen, didn’t want to hear it... But he was Bill’s friend.

“I like you,” Bill admitted, his voice keeping that sure tone as he stared into Stan’s eyes.

The boy’s breath caught in his throat and he began jerkily shaking his head, “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do!”

“You like girls, Bill. You like Bev and you think Heather Listing is hot and you don’t like me!” Stan snapped, standing up from his chair. “It’s not funny, it’s not a joke, so just stop!”

Bill stood with him, “No! You don’t know how I f-f-feel! I’m not kidding! B-being with Beverly only m-made me realize once and for all th-that the only person I really want to be with is you, Stan! I k-know you p-probably don’t feel the same and th-that’s—“

That’s whatever, he’d been planning to say. It wasn’t whatever but he wouldn’t burden Stan with feelings he didn’t return. That had been his plan, at least.

But he couldn’t even finish the sentence, hands grasping his face and lips slamming against his.

Stanley Uris, the most controlled person Bill Denbrough had ever met, was kissing him like his life depended on it in the Derry High Library on what could only be impulse. Bill didn’t care, though, moving closer and gripping the fabric of Stan’s polo in his fists. The weight in his chest lifted and for a moment, being with Stan like he’d always wanted to be, Bill felt more at ease than he’d been in weeks.

Stan was calming, his presence always comforting to Bill like a steady support to fall back on. A best friend but more…

When they pulled apart, Bill waited a few seconds to open his eyes, afraid that once he looked at Stan all he’d see was that same panic from his bedroom. Lids fluttering open, he found only a look of pure anxiety.

“I do feel the same way,” Stan admitted quietly, his breath ghosting over Bill’s face as they were still so close. “I’m just...” He trailed off, looking to the side shamefully.

“S-scared?” Bill supplied.

Stan nodded, flickering his gaze back to Bill’s.

“That’s okay,” The other boy shrugged, “I am, too. We’ll juh-just take it slow.”

“Take our time,” Stan agreed, nodding. “I like that.”

“M-me too. I’ll take all the t-time for you,” Bill reached out, slipping his hand into Stan’s and squeezing.

Stan actually smiled a little, squeezing back before bashfully muttering, “I really like you, Bill Denbrough.”

“I really like you, too, Stan Uris.” Bill replied easily without a single stumble.