#the way he sees charlie as his like sister... but specifically as an EQUAL family member... and the way he regards her...

[aliusfrater]

rare sam tone of voice

[peanutbutterjelly-pie]

Stupid

Rating: Gen Word Count: 4k

Since he forgot his phone at work Dean borrows Charlie's cell to send Cas a quick message. What follows turns his world upside down. (In which Cas thinks he's talking with Charlie and reveals way more about his true feelings than Dean is able to handle.)

[ao3]

Dean loves Fridays.

For one, his work day already ends around 2 PM. Granted, Dean adores his job and actually walks into his office with a big smile on his face most of the time. Which is kinda ironic since he's never in his wildest dream would've ever pictured himself using his engineering degree to design new airplanes and enjoying every second of it, not with him still being fiercely against flying as a concept in on itself and not keen at all on putting any of his designs to the test for real (FUCK NO!!). It's quite a running joke in the office, of course, and Dean laughs along to his colleagues teasing him about it, but at the same time he's dead serious about it.

So yes, creating new and improved airplanes? Dean is so down for this. Flying those things afterwards? NO WAY IN FREAKING HELL!!!

Either way, his Fridays at work are short and instead of heading back home into his cozy, little apartment he always throws himself into his beloved Impala and drives into the complete opposite direction.

To Charlie's place.

They had met in college about ten years ago and more or less bonded right away over their love for Star Trek. Soon enough they had found even more things in common and before Dean even knew it he traveled to LARP events, called himself Charlie's handmaiden, and started to see her as the sister he never really wanted, but somehow didn't mind having anyway.

Them meeting up every Friday for video games and movie marathons is a thing that began basically since Dean's been working at his current job straight out of college.

Dean's always eager to make time for friends and family, even with a full-time job, so he made this a tradition and refused to budge on the matter. Thankfully Charlie has been equally enthusiastic and as a freelancer who earns a shit ton of money by helping companies with their IT stuff or whatever (Dean is still not really sure what she even does), she is able to fill her schedule the way she likes it.

She has been keeping her Fridays free ever since.

Today is not any different.

Dean drove straight to her after work and has been at her place ever since. They've been watching a couple of episodes of Firefly while eating unhealthy snacks before switching over to video games. Dean hadn't had any consoles growing up, so it took him a while to get the hang of it when Charlie introduced him to it, but eventually he became quite good. At least good enough to beat Charlie's ass from time to time.

It's easy fun with lots of interactions and yelling and whooping and both Dean and Charlie have a tendency to completely forget the outside world when they're sucked into a specific game.

This time they're both so engrossed with chasing their Super Mario characters over some rainbow bridges in their colorful race cars that the hours pass by unnoticed.

When Dean eventually, after a devastating loss which makes him groan unattractively, glimpses at the surprisingly analog clock at the wall he ends up flinching in surprise at the lateness of the evening.

“Shit!” he exclaims, looking at the small hand already having passed the seven. “Why is it so late already?”

Charlie looks up as well and seems equally astonished by the passage of time. “Huh, I didn't notice.”

Dean grumbles and quickly leans back to fish his phone out of his pocket – only to discover that there is nothing to be found.

He blinks in confusion for a few seconds before realization hits him and he moans once again. “Oh fuck, I left my phone in the office!”

He recalls vividly how it had been lying on his table and he urged himself over and over to pack it before leaving. He basically had been reaching for it already. And then one of the other engineers showed up with an important issue and Dean found himself so distracted by it all that anything else slipped his mind. By the end of it he was so eager to call it a day and rush over to Charlie's place that he just grabbed his jacket and headed out of there before anyone else might have intercepted him with yet another problem.

“Sucks to be you,” Charlie chuckles while Dean merely rolls his eyes and wonders whether he should ride back to the office for his phone either today or at least tomorrow by the latest or whether he should just leave it there for the whole weekend.

Either way, that doesn't change the fact right now that it's entirely too late already.

“I need to call Cas,” Dean says, gritting his teeth.

Because see, this is yet another reason why he loves Fridays so much: Cas.

Best friends since Dean moved with his family into the house across from Cas' about twenty years ago they always made sure to stay in each other's lives. Granted, from the outside they look like they have nothing much in common and if Dean is being honest with himself he's not sure they would've even been on one another's' radars at all if it wouldn't have been for that one boring summer when Dean had been new in town at fourteen years old and didn't know a soul around and eventually found himself fixating on the blue-eyed neighbor since there was literally nobody else his age around to hang out with.

And yeah, Dean questioned his choice the first few weeks, Cas so odd and awkward and like no one Dean has ever met before, he certainly had no clue how to deal with that. But somehow Cas wormed himself into Dean's heart with his dorky weirdness and in the grand scheme of things Dean couldn't be happier about it.

So they stayed close, even when they eventually went to different colleges so far away from each other that they merely managed to see one another once or twice a year. In the end, though, they both came back into their hometowns and settled down there, Dean with his engineering job and neat loft apartment and Cas with his teaching position at the local university and him inheriting his old childhood home after his parents decided to move into a warmer climate.

Dean had been over the moon seeing them both back at the same location and he was determined from the start to meet up as often as possible, despite their time-demanding jobs. So of course after Fridays became a thing with Charlie, Dean couldn't help but incorporate Cas into that as well. Because why not make that day absolutely perfect, right?

And since his mom always invites her sons to brunch Saturday mornings and Cas technically lives right across from her, it became a tradition for Dean to crash at Cas' place and then on the next day go to his mom's, usually with Cas in tow because at this point in her life Mary considers him her third kid anyway.

So yeah, it's a date every single Friday for many years now.

And right now Dean is on the brink of being too late and the last thing he wants is for Cas to worry about his whereabouts.

“Can I borrow your phone?” Dean asks Charlie. “I need to call Cas.”

Charlie hands him her cell without a moment of hesitation and says, “Better send him a text. He might still be on his way back home.”

Right.

Contrary to Dean and Charlie, Cas always uses his Friday afternoons to catch up on his work. “To not be greeted by a mountain of paperwork first thing Monday morning, Dean,” Cas is never shy to explain.

Dean can't help a little smile as he hears Cas' voice in his head.

He catches himself at the last second, though, before his face might get too gooey or something, and he quickly opens Cas' number, vigorously ignoring his text chain with Charlie (which doesn't seem overly excessive anyway because for some unfathomable reason those two actually enjoy talking to each other on the phone, like a pair of old people), and hurries to type his message.

< hey how's it hanging?

And then Dean accidentally hits send.

He growls in frustration. “Charlie!” he complains. “Your phone is all wrong!”

Charlie huffs. “Only because you're a dinosaur and you're only used to your ancient phone doesn't mean mine has done anything wrong ever in its life. You just have to be a little bit more delicate.”

Dean rolls his eyes, eager to give her a piece of his mind, when suddenly the phone vibrates, indicating an incoming message. Looks like Cas is already home or at least at a safe location to text back immediately.

> I know why you're texting all of a sudden. And you don't have to bother, I won't change my feelings on the matter.

Dean just has time to wrinkle his forehead in confusion when another text arrives.

> Dean doesn't need to know.

Dean's eyes widen, for a moment too stunned to do anything.

And then he instantly finds himself torn.

It's obvious Cas thinks he's talking with Charlie (and why shouldn't he? It's Charlie's number after all) and Dean should hurry to explain the situation and stop Cas before anything else might happen.

He seriously should.

But then he ends up thinking back on Cas' behavior recently. For the last few weeks he has been downright weird whenever Dean was around (weirder than usual, that is) and Dean has been wrecking his brain for a while now what the hell might have happened that made their dynamic shift in such a way. It's not glaringly obvious or anything, at least nobody from the outside has commented on it so far, but Dean certainly noticed Cas keeping his distance.

Dean has no idea whether he did something wrong or whether something just came up and he is taking the brunt of it and he has been dying to find out ever since.

And now it's apparently offered to him on a silver platter.

Still, Dean really should do the right thing …

He seriously should.

But before his conscience is able to catch up with him his fingers already start typing.

< what do u mean?

And he leaves it with that.

Dean squeezes his eyes shut, hating himself a little bit. Who even does this to a friend in the first place?

Damn.

Yeah, no, he needs to clear up the situation right here and now –

That is when another text arrives and Dean is too weak not to look at it.

> Don't play cute with me, Charlie. I have told you before, Dean doesn't need to know about my feelings for him. Things are good between us, I don't want to ruin that.

Dean blinks.

And blinks some more.

Wait, what?

WHAT?

Dean's heart stops for a couple of seconds, picks up one hell of a pace after that, only to pump the brakes yet again so hard he gets actually dizzy from it.

Because Cas … he can't mean what Dean thinks he means, right?

RIGHT?

Dean feels himself freaking out, his breathing becoming labored as his heart continues to go crazy within his chest. For a long moment up is down and down is up.

Only when Charlie nudges his shoulder, seemingly worried by the expression on Dean's features, Dean gets jolted back into reality. He startles at first, feeling like a newborn deer trying to make sense of the new environment, before he manages to catch himself somehow.

And he doesn't wait around to shove the phone right into Charlie's face and exclaim, “What the hell is that?”

Charlie is, of course, highly confused by Dean's question and just frowns at him.

So Dean grits his teeth and gestures at the text conversation with Cas, urging her to read it. Which she dutifully does the next second.

And then her eyes widen as she mutters underneath her breath, “Shit.”

Dean huffs. “What the fuck is he talking about, Charlie?”

He doesn't expect a straight answer right away.

Damn, he doesn't even expect any kind of answer at all.

So he leans back and watches as Charlie starts to splutter and flail her arms around in every single direction and make the most unintelligible noises not even the most experienced linguist would have been able to decipher. She is clearly caught off guard in the most major manner and can't for the hell of it find a graceful way out of it. At least not quick enough to not be absolutely pathetic.

“Charlie,” Dean eventually cuts into her incoherent rambling, not in the mood to be witness to this for the rest of the night. “Just get a grip and tell me the truth!”

Charlie shakes her head and nods at the same time. So fiercely, in fact, that Dean for a moment gets actually worried that her neck would break in half by the sheer force of it.

“It's – um, it's nothing, man,” she says in the end, way over the top. “Just … uuuuuhhhhh, just some inside joke Cas and I have …”

Dean rolls his eyes at that. “Right,” he replies, the opposite of convinced. “So when Cas says he's got feelings for me …”

Charlie makes a noise that is probably supposed to be a dismissive snort. “Just – y'know – I mean – it's just …” Her gaze flickers anywhere but near Dean. “I mean, um … everyone has feelings about everyone, right? … I mean, I totally have all the platonic feelings for you, for example, you know? …”

Dean arches his brows skeptically. “So you're saying Cas has platonic feelings for me?”

Charlie perks up at those words. “Yes!” she agrees, far too enthusiastically for it to be convincing in the least. “Yes, that's what I'm saying!”

Dean scoffs. “And why would he make a big state secret out of it?”

Charlie pulls a face. “I mean, you know how he is … he is weird sometimes …”

Dean groans before pushing himself to his feet, not eager to listen to any more of her excuses. “I've gotta go talk to Cas!”

He hears Charlie voice some sort of protest, but Dean just grabs his jacket and is out of the door before she's able to stop him.

---

It takes about fifteen minutes to get to Cas' place.

And Dean's head is spinning so hard the whole drive there he is actually surprised that he doesn't end up in a ditch somewhere.

But what is he supposed to think after that text message?

Yeah, Dean highly doubts Cas would be so cagey about platonic feelings of all things, but at the same time Dean can't allow himself to imagine the alternative.

Because that would break him.

Because Cas actually admitting to having Feelings for Dean, the capital letter kind, sounds like so fucking much.

After all it would mean …

It would mean that Dean has been pining in secret for ages even though his feelings haven been reciprocated the whole freaking time?

Yeah, Dean can't even remember anymore when it started. It's probably been a gradual process that began a long time ago. Dean dated people and it was always okay, you know, but it wasn't it. It never felt like all those love songs made him believe it would be. At some point he even assumed that it just was something that didn't really exist. That people merely found other people they were compatible with and that was all the magic out there.

It only made sense all of a sudden when he admitted to himself about a year ago that he was head-over-heels for Cas.

There was no specific event or anything, but around that time it had been half an eternity that Dean had so much as a date with another person because nobody seemed to light even the tiniest spark within him. It only had gotten harder and harder, so eventually Dean just stopped looking.

And then he was sitting on the couch with Cas and Cas was arguing with the History Channel about something and Dean just watched him with a besotted smile on his face and thought, I want this for the rest of my life.

What followed was many weeks and months of doubt and uncertainty, but when he ultimately took the final step and was honest with himself it was suddenly easy enough to see that Cas has been it for a very long while for Dean.

But at the same time Dean was afraid to say something. Cas has never been much for dating and romance and his best friend out of the blue confessing his love might have freaked him out big time. Dean always pictured Cas withdrawing more and more until one day they wouldn't have been in each other's lives anymore.

And that – that would have been absolutely devastating.

So Dean kept his mouth shut and instead enjoyed all the things they had. While pushing thoughts of maybe scooting a bit closer and holding Cas' hand or even kissing him out of his mind.

Dean learned to live with it.

But now?

If this is really true …

If Cas feels the same way and he's just been as scared to ruin their friendship as Dean was …

Dean isn't sure he knows how to handle the possibility.

---

Dean senses both dread and elation when he parks Baby on his usual spot right behind Cas' ugly pimp mobile and he takes a minute or two of deeply inhaling and exhaling before he's got the courage to step outside and walk up to the front door.

Where Cas apparently has already been waiting as he swings the door open as Dean is just lifting his arm to knock.

As always he is stupidly gorgeous, with his piercing blue eyes, his unruly hair, and his comfy sweatpants which have become a staple for their Friday nights together.

Next to all that, however, Cas also looks mad as hell.

“How dare you pretend to be someone else to lure information out of me?” he growls so deeply a shiver runs down Dean's spine and it's only partially out of fear. “What were you even thinking?”

Looks like Charlie didn't wait around to call Cas and give him a heads-up about the situation.

Figures.

Dean just scoffs into Cas' face and pushes past him into the house. Cas makes a disgruntled noise at his friend's behavior, but closes the door behind them, obviously not eager for the whole neighborhood to be witness to this.

“You have no right to be pissed at me!” Dean hisses back the second the door is shut and sealed.

Cas seems far from impressed when faced with such logic. “You are the one who betrayed my trust!”

“I didn't betray anything!” Dean is quick to make himself clear. “I just forgot my phone at the office and borrowed Charlie's to tell you I'd be late. And 'coz I'm not used to her super modern thingy I accidentally sent you a text before I could say it's me. Easy as that.”

Cas raises his brows. “You could have clarified yourself simple enough the second time.”

Dean chews on his bottom lip, his emotions spilling all over the place as he tries to stare Cas down and at the same time not get lost in his eyes. Because he has a tendency to do just that. Since basically forever.

“I could have,” Dean concedes since Cas did make a good point. “But I didn't.”

“So why –?”

“'Coz you've been weird lately,” Dean cuts in harshly. “You've been fucking avoiding me and that's certainly a skill considering we were always in the same room for that. You don't sit with me on the couch anymore, you flinch whenever I touch you …” Dean sighs. “Fuck, I was wondering the whole time what I did wrong.”

“You did nothing wrong,” Cas is quick to come to his defense. Only to add a moment later, “Well, apart from right now where you pretended to be Charlie –”

Dean waves him off. “Yeah, so? I was desperate for some info, sue me.”

“I don't think suing you over this would have much standing in court –”

“Oh jeez, man!” Dean interrupts once more. “See, you're doing it again. Avoiding the subject of us while being in the same room. Can you really blame me for grasping at straws at this point?”

Cas falls silent after that, Dean's question clearly hitting a nerve.

“I'm just …” Dean shakes his head in exasperation. “I just wanted some friggin' answers, that's all.”

Cas pinches his face as he slowly studies Dean and takes his time wrapping his head around the whole mess.

In the end he just straightens his back and says, “Fine.”

Dean assesses the guy warily. “Fine?”

“Yes, fine,” Cas states. Without looking anywhere but Dean's eyes. “Let's forget about it and watch one of your cowboy movies –”

Dean's blood starts to boil again.

“I don't wanna watch a cowboy movie!” he snaps, barely believing such words are actually leaving his mouth. “I wanna talk about this!”

Cas looks at him as though he seriously considers that Dean has been swapped by a clone.

“You?” he asks incredulously. “Want to talk?”

Dean rolls his eyes extra hard. “I talk about stuff,” he grumbles. “Only because I choose when and where doesn't mean I'm a repressed idiot –”

“I didn't say that!” Cas leaps in to make himself clear. “I would never say that.”

Dean knows that Cas never would.

And that's one of many reasons why he is one of Dean's favorite persons on the whole planet.

“I'm just …” Dean sighs, suddenly feeling so vulnerable and raw he has no clue what to do with it. “What does feelings mean, Cas?”

Cas' mouth snaps shut immediately.

It's obvious he's not keen on pouring out his soul just yet.

Dean rubs the palm of his hand. over his mouth. “Dude, if you're seriously worried that what you're going to say might ruin anything, it won't!”

Cas shoots him a disbelieving glance, not buying it at all.

“I'm serious!” Dean insists. “Nothing can ruin our friendship!”

Cas lets out a hollow laugh and it actually sounds so awful that Dean wants to grab it out of thin air and punch it in the face.

“Of course,” Cas says sarcastically. “What if I told you I'm a serial killer who has murdered twenty-seven people?”

Dean squints his eyes.

“That's an oddly specific number,” he can't help but point out. “But yeah, I'd help you bury the freaking bodies.”

Cas shakes his head. “Dean …”

“I would,” Dean insists. “I mean, yeah, sure, I probably also would put you under strict house arrest and get you the best shrink in town, but I also would be your alibi 'coz this is what friends do.”

Cas grimaces. “I don't think covering up murders is –”

“Okay, forget it!” Dean cuts in, not in the mood to drag this example along any further. “I'm just saying, you're my best friend and nothing can change that, okay?”

Cas' features soften at that.

He looks at Dean, really looks at him, what feels like the first time in forever, and there are suddenly so many emotions displayed on his face Dean has never spotted before. They seem meaningful and heavy and Dean's heart picks up its pace again at the sight of it.

Is this really it?

“Cas,” Dean whispers, his expression right now most likely equal to Cas'. “What does feelings mean?”

Cas sighs.

Shakes his head.

And then he breathes, “It means I'm stupid …”

The way he's saying it, the manner his voice trembles … this is so much more than meets the eye.

And Dean can't have him believe for even a second longer that he is the only one standing in the corner.

So he shoots back, “Well, then I'm stupid too.”

Cas frowns at first, clearly not able to comprehend it properly.

But then their eyes meet again and Dean tries to broadcast it all out there, tries to make Cas see, dammit.

Cas gasps just a moment later.

Looks like he's getting it.

“Dean …” he mutters.

And Dean could give a grand speech about how he's crazy for this dork and probably always has been, but somehow his throat feels way too tight all of sudden and he highly doubts he will get any coherent sentences out of there.

So he does the next best thing because at the end of the day Dean has always been better with actions instead of words anyway.

He grabs Cas by his shirt and yanks him impossibly close.

Their chests collide and Cas' eyes are wide and shocked and hopeful all at once as their faces find themselves mere inches apart. Dean's attention immediately flickers to those plush lips he's been fantasizing about for far too long and everything inside of him urges him to go for it, but he waits nonetheless, waits patiently for a sign from Cas that this is okay, that this is what he wants too …

Cas leans in the very next second and Dean stops thinking.

When their lips meet Dean feels like a heavy weight has been lifted from his shoulders.

The kiss starts sweet and innocent, some light pressure and nothing more, but then Cas wraps his arms around Dean's torso and aligns their bodies even more and Dean makes a pathetic little noise in the back of his throat before deepening the kiss. He gets lightheaded very fast and only Cas holding him so tightly keeps his knees from buckling in the most embarrassing manner.

Dean never thought it would feel like this. He originally assumed that it would be a bit weird to kiss someone he had known for such a long time. That it would be awkward all around and they would have to get used to the sensation at first before being able to enjoy it thoroughly.

Boy, he's never been more wrong in his life.

Dean is all warm and fuzzy and when the kiss turns even more passionate a moment later his body temperature rises right along with it. Dean moans as hands are roaming over bodies, Cas getting lost in Dean's hair while Dean can't get enough of the guy's ridiculously sharp hipbones, and soon enough Cas is pressed against the wall and Dean is only seconds away from taking things even further.

They've waited long enough after all.

But just as Dean is pushing his fingers underneath Cas' shirt, Cas slows down and eventually breaks to kiss. He draws back a little to gaze right into Dean's eyes and he looks so debauched and wrecked it takes Dean's breath away.

And then Cas whispers, “In case it wasn't clear earlier, I love you,” and Dean's breath is taken away from him in a completely different, yet no less powerful manner.

He feels himself melting into Cas until he buries his face into the guy's neck. It's warm and it smells really nice and Dean can't help smiling into Cas' skin.

“I love you too,” he rasps back. “I've been crazy about you since forever.”

Cas sighs as he lifts his arm to card his fingers through Dean's hair again. “Me too. I never dared to acknowledge it, though. I feared too much that things would change in a way I wouldn't be able to bear.” He drops a light kiss against Dean's temple. “But then Charlie found out about it and she has been pestering me for weeks to tell you and it got me all riled up …”

No wonder Cas has been behaving so oddly recently. He clearly had no idea what to do.

Dean actually shares the sentiment. He's pretty sure he wouldn't have acted any differently if their roles would have been reversed.

“Well,” Dean whispers, “I guess it all worked out in the end.”

“Because you forgot your phone at the office.”

Dean grins. “I'm sure we would've figured it out eventually. But yeah, me being a forgetful idiot sure helped.”

Cas just hums before he pulls Dean deeper into his embrace and Dean can't help but think that this might very well be the best moment of his entire life, hands down.

---

The next day when they both walk over to Dean's mom for their weekly Saturday brunch Dean introduces Cas as his boyfriend to his whole family and he manages to only blush a little as he does so.

Nobody seems surprised about their new relationship status in the slightest.

And two years later, when they exchange their wedding vows, Cas stares deeply into Dean's soul and says tearfully, “I'm stupid,” and of course Dean has to answer that with a wobbly, “I'm stupid too,” and Sam yells from somewhere in the background, “You're both stupid alright!”

It's perfect.

[legless-fish-on-rollerskates]

All the morons trying to claim that Dean wasn't saying anything to Cas because he was holding back slurs or something equally ridiculous... what show have you been watching? Surely not Supernatural. Like, yeah, Dean had some internalized shit for a while (mostly cause of how he was raised, let's be real), but this isn't season fucking one. Dean's in his goddamn forties now guys.

But you still think Dean Winchester is homophobic? Let's examine the evidence then, shall we?

1. Aaron Bass: Dean was flustered because he's not used to being hit on by dudes, but he was completely respectful. And he was alone, too. It wasn't like he was trying to "hide his homophobia" from Sam. He could've said whatever he wanted in that moment without anyone ever knowing, and he chose to awkwardly walk backward and wish Aaron a nice day. Then later, when they're working with him, Dean says nothing about it (other than a quick "he was my gay thing" to Sam), doesn't make it weird, and talks to him exactly the same way he would talk to anyone else.

2. Jesse and Ceasar: Dean's surprised when he realizes that they're married, again because he's not really used to it and so he made the wrong assumptions (which I will point out is really really normal, it happens all the time even between queer people, because heteronormativity is very much a thing in real life). But what does he do when he finds out? He asks them about their marriage - with genuine curiosity. What's it like to be in a relationship with a hunter, is it hard, all that jazz. Never asks about the fact that they're both men, none of those gross "so who's the woman" questions, literally just. Talking to two married hunters. That's it. Then later, when they're working, he never once questions their capability as hunters or suggests that they're weak in any way. There's no "you're less 'manly' because you're gay" mindset at all. And at the end of the episode he's genuinely happy for them, two hunters who managed to get out of the life and retire together.

There's lots of other examples (several male cops have been obviously into him over the years, his reaction to Jody talking about Claire and Kaia, all the subtext surrounding Lee, etc.) but for my last one for now, let's not forget...

3. Charlie fucking Bradbury: Arguably Dean's best friend besides Cas (no I haven't forgotten about Benny, I love Benny, but he was part of a very specific chapter of Dean's life and that chapter is done). We've known she was a lesbian from the get-go, and Dean takes it in stride when he finds out, immediately improvising to coach her through some painfully awkward flirting so she can get into the office ("you've just come home, and Scarlett Johansson is waiting for you"). And yes, there's the whole "I feel dirty" "yeah so do I" bit there, but that's clearly established as a joke, plus the guy was gross - as someone who is attracted to both women and men, I would feel dirty after flirting with him too.

The next few times we see Charlie, she and Dean are geeks and dweebs together, Dean is having more fun than we've seen in years, and we see him be a really good friend - in some ways, a better friend than he is to Cas. Charlie talks to him a little bit about girls, they LARP, they go shopping together, Dean comforts her when she has to let go of her mom. When she's killed, he gets so upset he goes on a murderous rampage (maybe not the most healthy way to deal with greif, but nonetheless showing how much she mattered to him). When he sees an alternate version of her in trouble he's immediately ready to risk his own life to help her even though she doesn't know him. He loved her like a sister, and he never once expressed any issues with her sexuality.

So let's go back to Cas. Cas is in love with Dean. Not much of a surprise there, he's said it before. But this is the first time Dean understands that that's what he's saying. It makes sense that he's a little stunned, especially considering that Cas is also saying that he's about to die. I mean, if your best friend of twelve years told you one day that they've been in love with you all along, that just knowing you has irrevocably changed them for the better, and that also by the way telling you this means they're going to die, mightn't you be rendered a tad speechless?

Dean does not hate Cas for this. Not at all. Because whether or not Dean is bi, whether or not he reciprocates, Cas is still his best friend. We've seen how hard Dean grieves every time Cas dies. We know how much Cas matters to him. Of all the shit they've put each other through, there's absolutely no logical reason for this to be the thing that damages their friendship beyond repair. Not after everything. No fucking way.

Dean says nothing because he doesn't know what to say, because he's still processing Cas's confession but also already grieving and blaming himself for Cas's death. The way he breaks down at the very end of the episode? That's not a man who's disgusted. That's a man who's shattered.

How dare you try to simplify this incredibly complex and emotional moment into Dean being a dick. How dare you. It's positively insulting. The entire point of Cas's speech was that Dean is so much more than that. If you can't see that, than I'm sorry, but you're missing the whole message of the show.

Supernatural is about family and sacrifice. It's about free will, making your own choices. And it's about being more than just who you're supposed to be, going beyond what other people want or assume. All the depth beneath the surface. That's the show. That's why we're still watching after all this time. Because it means something important. Something relevant. Something real.

Don't you fucking discredit that.

(thank you for coming to my TED talk)

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

So I have a curious question: as both a writer and someone who genuinely seems to care about Dan Humphrey and his character arc, how would you handle the concept of a "dark!Dan" arc, given the chance? As much as I HATE Dan's season 6 storyline and Sara Goodman's handling of the "dark!Dan" thing, I can't help but feel that there's a small nugget of something interesting there. S6!Dan was clearly written just to prop up Chuck, but I wonder what might have been if the writers still cared about Dan.

this is actually a difficult one to answer, mostly because i have too many thoughts. well, here’s to trying! (to the surprise of Nobody, this got pretty long!) 

uh so, the thing i noticed about dan on first watch but became even more clear while i was rewatching certain episodes is that he’s very... passive isn’t the right word, nor is tolerant, but at the same time, something along those lines? dan keeps quiet when people hurt him or disappoint him - he doesn’t really do anything with that hurt. notable example is vanessa’s coming back? vanessa tries to pick up where they left off, and dan sorta goes along with it to the extent where both jenny and rufus need to tell vanessa that things aren’t how they were before when she left + that she actually really hurt dan - because dan isn’t telling her this himself. 

basically, dan seems to be, by nature, VERY non-confrontational.

given this, i feel like dan’s whole exposé thing in s6 is very out of character  - being like “oh yeah i’m going to actively ruin the lives of the people around me and show no remorse!” feels super uncharacteristic to dan, especially out of the blue like that. 

when it comes to “tolerance” - i don’t know what better word to use,  but throughout the show we see a few instances in which dan spends time with people he doesn’t like, for his own benefit or simply because it’s easier than getting out of that situation. for example, him hanging out with chuck for the charlie trout story, despite regarding chuck with the highest distaste - he puts all that aside because he needs that story, and he’s determined to get it, because he wants to succeed so badly. to some extent, i think that is bad writing (i don’t see dan forgiving someone who hurt jenny that easily or that casually) but at the same time it does fit in with the rest of dan’s character - imo he forgives georgina too easily in the s3 arc, which. does he really believe that she’s changed? maybe! but it feels weird to me because it’s like, while dan seems to have such high morals for himself he doesn’t really care what his friends are like, which i think is INTERESTING. 

based on how you interpret the show canon, dan i think has had somewhere between 1 and 5 friends before the whole thing with serena, & most of these friends are his family (which is sad, i mean. rufus is rufus, alison LEFT, and jenny’s his little sister so there’s definitely things he can’t possibly talk to her about) or vanessa, who left pretty abruptly and hurt him pretty badly. i think given this, it makes sense that he would get into really weird and unhealthy friendships, because he doesn’t have much experience with healthy friendships and ends up just settling. 

when we’re talking about dark!dan, these two things become super essential to me - dan’s non-confrontational slightly passive attitude to his friends, and the fact that he, potentially, could get in unhealthy friend groups and not realise it. i joke a lot about how the dan & georgina dynamic in s6 was my favourite part of the season, but it’s not actually a joke!! i can see how like. dan is still “friends” with georgina, and georgina loves to call the shots, and dan doesn’t mind doing what he’s being told. georgina for the most part seems sympathetic to dan’s problems, and dan, enabled by that friendship and her being there with him, goes and causes absolute havoc. sounds right! like, not the exposés themselves, but just the fact that someone needed to Be There Encouraging Dan to be Bad - i think That’s how it’d start. 

i can imagine dan getting in with the wrong group of people, or whatever - like, dan having friends like s1 carter baizen. and it’d start innocently enough, like “oh these kids who are millionaires and billionaires don’t ever face any consequences for their actions and end up treating people from other class brackets like shit” and evolve into something like dan scamming nate at poker out of spite, and then realising that he’s in this group wayyy too deep, because, yes, he hates the rich kids as a matter of principle, and he’s been bitter about it for a long time, but “isn’t this going a bit too far, guys?” at this point though, much like jenny surrounded by her clique of mean girls, he doesn’t have an easy escape. “no,” carter will say. “we’ve only just begun. do you trust me?” and dan’s friendship is just Like That, which is not great, but he says yes and he means it. 

so that’s one possible dark!dan arc i’d give him - joins a group and his intentions at the time aren’t even Inherently bad, and then just gradually slowly finds himself doing worse and worse things. at first it’d be reasonable stuff - maybe he does the anon call to yale that gets blair’s acceptance rescinded, maybe he’d find some way to mess up chuck’s business deal behind the scenes - things he can rationalise away as things they had coming because blair and chuck did something wrong and if they hadn’t, none of this would be able to affect them. then suddenly he finds himself sabotaging serena and nate and he’s like. holy fuck, what is wrong with me? that would be an interesting thing to explore. 

another thing - i can’t believe i got this far into this response without mentioning jenny. but: jenny.

dan’s canonically not too pissed off about people treating him terribly. it’s what he’s used to, and he doesn’t expect any different! jenny, comparatively, is ready to say ‘fuck it’ to everyone and do whatever she wants to do to get what she wants, even if she hurts everybody around her on the way there - but that’s not what this is about, this is about how dan would never react recklessly and maliciously if someone was bad to him. but if someone hurt jenny??? 

unpopular opinion, but i can see him being gossip girl in THAT very specific context. girls in school are being cruel to his baby sister? he needs to shift the focus away from jenny. he needs to do something to keep his sister safe. so he creates a website, “gossip girl.” he starts blogging about one of the popular girls in his class, serena van der woodsen, because if people are busy sending tips about the girls in his grade, they’ll back off and leave jenny alone. i think if someone hurt jenny really, really badly, dan would basically go, ‘okay, i’m done being a good person’, and running gossip girl or doing something equally big that enables him to hold power over the group of girls who ruined his sister’s life? it could work.

the thing about dan being gossip girl is it makes no sense how the show did it. “a love letter”??? no, no way. dan and serena BOTH know that gossip girl is malicious and cruel and nasty in the early seasons. they both express their distaste/hatred towards the site and whatnot. dan’s “i could just write my way into the story” thing doesn’t sound right to me either, and his whole “i actually secretly wanted to be just like you guys” thing makes me shudder because. hey, whoever wrote s6, did you even watch your own show?

but dan being gossip girl because he’s bitter about the dynamics in high school, the privilege a few groups of people have, because he sees girls like jenny being treated terribly and harassed and pressured and coerced into things they don’t want to do, and he’s like, this is fucked up, why is nobody doing anything about this, what if i did something about this - and he starts gossip girl hoping that it’ll show people how none of their “friends” are really their friends, or that it’ll just form some sort of consequence for kids who never face consequences... like, i can see THAT happening and i think that’d be interesting to explore for a character like dan, especially if at some point jenny gets to like. smack him in the face with a handbag or something and go “you’re so righteous! you only made things worse with your stupid gossip site, dan!” and he’s like oh shit. but he doesn’t know what to do at that point - he’s been running the site for like 3 or 4 years and he doesn’t know who he is without it. 

dan being gossip girl also makes sense given his non-confrontational nature - he can cause conflict without getting involved directly in the conflict, so it’s comfortable for him.

okay, so! wow, this got long, but you must’ve known that it would when you sent me this ask, haha. to summarise: 

dan is very non-confrontational and often tolerant of the wrong people, this could be explored in a certain direction such as if he allied with toxic and dangerous people

dan never really fights for himself, but he’s naturally a protective person, so if something were to happen to jenny, i see that as the most major and natural incentive for a dark!dan arc. 

wow, everything i said fits into 2 bullet points! who would’ve thought.

[somedayonbroadway]

Okokokokok High School Musical AU pretty please with a cherry on top?

Hahahahahahaha YES

Okay, so…

Characters-

Jack Kelly — Troy Bolton

Katherine Plumber — Gabrielle

Medda Larkin — Ms. Darbus

Spot Conlon — Chad

Crutchie Morris — Kelsie

Racetrack Higgins — Taylor

William Snyder — Jack Bolton (only sort of)

Albert DaSilva — Zeke

Finch — Jason

Sarah Jacobs — Sharpay Evans

David Jacobs — Ryan Evans

I know… it’s a bit of an odd list. But like… go with me on this.

Over Winter break, on New Years Eve, Jack and Katherine meet at a ski lodge. Katherine went with her family. Her father, her mother and his older sister. Jack is up there after running away from his foster home and trying to get in contact with his birth mother who just recently got out of prison. He believes she’ll be at this party.

They both end up at a party. Jack has a hood pulled up over his head to try and hide. The cops are looking for him by then. Snyder’s pissed. Katherine is with her father, talking about school.

The karaoke machine gets set up. Jack is trying to get out of the room because he’s scared of getting caught and Katherine is minding her own business.

But they happen to be the two random people pulled from the crowd and dragged on stage. Jack tried to get away, barely stopping himself from punching someone in the nose. And Katherine shyly tries to tell them no thank you, but they both end up there and catch sight of one another. And they freeze.

Jack tries to leave again, now not wanting to embarrass himself in front of this pretty girl who just stops him by saying she’s willing if he’s willing.

And they end up singing together for the first time. And they actually sound really good together.

After they’re finished, Jack catches sight of some of the cops again and he bolts, only for Katherine to follow him outside and ask him what was wrong. He plays it off. Says it’s nothing. And she lets it go.

They end up exchanging phone numbers on the balcony. And they come so close to kissing when the ball drops.

But Jack has to run.

A couple weeks later…

It’s the first day back at school after the break. Jack is happy to have something to do rather than sneak out of his home and avoid his foster father, a Mr. William Snyder. He’s been in this home for about a year on his own.

Snyder and him don’t necessarily get along.

Anyways, Jack is stoked about seeing his friends again. He’s on the football team. The quarterback. And his teammates all very much look up to him. His coach, Mr. Todd Kloppman, adores him and wants him to get a scholarship with his skills. And Jack has his mind set on that.

Snyder didn’t want to let him play sports to begin with. But Jack told him it was the only way for him to get into college. So Snyder let him.

It’s Jack’s escape from that house.

In homeroom, after meeting up with his best friend Spot Conlon who also happens to be in that class, Jack spots a familiar face.

Katherine.

She sees him too and smiles at him. She looks nervous.

He moves to sit by her and talk to her a little. She admits she just moved to Manhattan from Chicago and just got transferred into Roosevelt High School. Jack offers to show her around and she accepts.

Spot gives Jack a look and Jack ignores him. Spot loves to tease him.

While Jack is showing Katherine around, she quickly starts to learn that this school has very tight cliques.

One of them being the drama kids.

As they walk by the theatre, Katherine sees that there’s a sign up for auditions for the next school musical and she jokes that her and Jack should sign up because they made such a good team up at the ski lodge. Jack laughs.

And in comes the Ice Princess.

Sarah Jacobs.

She is the queen of the school, pretty much. Pretty, rich and popular. She’s an amazing singer, trained in music, dance and acting as well as starting her own fashion business. (I know she is very different from the Sarah Jacobs we know, but come on, she’s gonna slay).

Sarah and her twin brother, equally as talented, equally as rich, but not quite as popular, David Jacobs, are walking over to sign up for auditions. That’s where Katherine and Sarah meet for the first time.

Sarah, the queen that she is, pushes past Katherine to sign up, signing the whole sheet before she turns around to say hi to Jack, who she believes she is destined to be with until the end of time. Jack does not feel the same way. But she tries to subtly tell Kath to get away from her “property” (i know it’s not mean girls but you can’t tell me Sharpay wasn’t based off of Regina George in some ways). Katherine doesn’t take the threat too seriously, as she is a nice, easy going person.

David is in the background. He has a slight crush on Jack, but would never act on it because he knows Sarah is basically in love with the guy.

(Tangent. Y’all can’t tell me Ryan wasn’t supposed to be gay in the first movie. He 👏🏻 was 👏🏻 totally 👏🏻 gay👏🏻, but Disney was too scared to own up to it)

Anyways,

Jack continues to show Kath around the school as Sarah hatches her master plan to keep Katherine out of the drama clique. She goes to Race, honor student on his way to being valedictorian, and tells him about Katherine. Race does a little digging and finds out that Katherine is wicked smart and recruits her for the Scholastic Decathlon, catching her and Jack in the halls at their next break.

Race rushes up to them and tries to talk to Katherine but ends up seeing Jack and says something sarcastic instead and he and Jack get into a small argument that Katherine can’t quite follow. She tries to defend Jack but Race says she doesn’t know him well enough yet. Katherine asks what Jack did to this kid who seems to be at least two years younger than them. Jack said he didn’t do anything to him.

His little brother just loves to fight.

Race just glares at him and says something like “you know what you did” and then turns his attention back to Katherine, officially inviting her into the “brainiac” clique.

She does join. But at that moment she just says she’ll think about it.

Then she asks Jack a little about Race. He admits that Race is his half brother and he lives with a foster family on the other side of town while he lives with his foster dad just down the street. She asks why they don’t live together and Jack tells her that it’s a long story. But eventually he tells her that since Race showed signs of being really smart at such a young age, it was decided that he needed to be placed with folks who would cater to his needs better while Jack was just normal.

The family’s that were willing to foster Race never wanted to take in two kids. So the system split them up.

Jack says this in fewer words. But Katherine figures it out.

Katherine takes Race up on his offer, finding out that Race is set to graduate the same year as Jack.

Later, while Jack is at football practice, he’s having an extremely hard time focusing as this girl has just come into his life and made him think about things he’d never thought about before. Like, how he might want to ask Katherine out on a date or how he enjoyed singing with her or how everyone had a specific thing they were expected to do, but what about other things?

His teammates don’t appreciate his inability to focus and wrestle with him a little, just playfully, to try and help him get back into the game.

He loves his teammates.

Later, after practice, Jack is the last one in the locker room where Race comes in and drops him off and bagged lunch. He tells Jack that he wasn’t hungry at lunch. And Jack just hugs him for a second before asking him if he’d seen Katherine around.

Race teases him for a minute before Jack asks him if he wants a soaking. So Race tells Jack that Katherine went to the auditorium. And he gives Race a kiss on the head before he goes to find her.

When he gets there, he sees Sarah and David auditioning. Katherine is standing in the back of the other side of the theatre. They see each other but make no move to get closer. Instead, they watch the amusing but well done audition of their classmates.

Sarah and David are obviously both talented, but Sarah is obsessed with having the spotlight while David is very creative and does love to try new things and welcomes change.

The audition process is finishing up. Jack does not miss the way Sarah hisses at Charlie, the innocent pianist on her way out. He just tried to put in his thoughts on how his song should be performed.

He’s a composer and student director of the band.

Miss Medda, the drama teacher, asks if there’s any more auditions. Charlie says he doesn’t think so and no one else speaks up.

So Medda goes to leave.

Katherine is standing in the back, unsure of what to do. But eventually, she speaks up. She says she wants to audition.

Medda tells her that it’s too late and that she’ll need to come back for the next production.

Jack gives her a sorry look.

And Katherine just shrugs, willing to accept that. But as they both go to go their separate ways, Charlie trips up on stage, setting one of his crutches down on a misplaced prop. Without even thinking about it, both of them rush up to help him.

And he thanks them as he pulls himself back to the piano. And tried to get his things back in order. He apologizes to them for not being able to audition. Jack says he wasn't going to, that he wasn’t good enough for that anyways. And Kath and Charlie both don’t believe him. So Charlie starts to play the audition song, telling them that Sarah and David sang it in a way that didn’t quite capture the meaning behind it.

The song is I Never Planned On You/Don’t Come A’ Knockin’. Because it can be.

Katherine and Jack sing the song easily. Katherine admits she used to love to sing and her fatherhad taught her violin. Jack admits he used to play the piano with his mom and his little brother and THATS WHY THEY CAN READ MUSIC BECAUSE ITS NOT THAT EASY TROY AND GABRIELLA.

Anyways…

Before Charlie can even say anything, Miss Medda is clapping for them and telling them that they better find themselves at callbacks the next day.

Katherine is excited.

Jack is terrified.

Jack goes home to an empty house. He eats the food his brother gave him and does his homework and goes to bed. When he hears the door open, he pretends to be asleep.

Snyder’s drunk again.

The next morning, Jack sneaks out through the window and goes to school.

When he gets there he finds that the callback list was posted. And he tries to walk the other way. But Spot catches up to him.

He teases Jack, expecting it to be some kind of joke. But Jack just rolls his eyes and Spot asks him if he’s serious. Before Jack can answer, Race rushes up to him and jumps on his back and teases him too.

Jack admits he hadn’t meant to audition. He’d just been screwing around.

Katherine tries to defend him but his friends still tell him that he wasn’t supposed to do drama. That he was an athlete and that he didn’t have time and that it was weird for him to want to sing and dance.

But Katherine says that she loved to sing and dance and she was a straight A student and she had played soccer at her old school.

And these kids would be amazed.

People would start admitting things. Things that no one knew.

Albert loved to bake.

Finch likes to dance.

Other things happen.

Spot is concerned by this. He needs Jack to focus on the playoffs that are coming up. Jacks the quarterback. He has too much of a responsibility.

He tries to enlist Race’s help. Race is hesitant, not wanting to upset his brother. But Spot convinces him it’s for the best.

They both hold somewhat of an intervention for their friends where Spot gets Jack to admit that he doesn’t think the audition is important and that Katherine couldn’t come between him and his team.

It’s not what he means. He means that if Snyder found out he was auditioning for musicals and pining after some pretty girl he’d get the living hell beat out of him.

But he can’t just say that.

He doesn’t know he’s being recorded.

Race shows Katherine the tape and immediately feels guilty.

He calls Spot and tries to tell him they made a mistake after Katherine tells him that auditioning in the first place was stupid.

Jack doesn’t understand why Katherine suddenly wants to back out when he goes to see Race after school. And Race gives him a sorry look. So Jack convinces Katherine to do it again and promises her that he’ll do it with her if that’ll be what makes her happy. And he sends her off to Charlie while he talks to Race.

Race is shocked and asks Jack if he would even be allowed. Jack would tell him not to worry about it and Race would just hug him for a minute, telling Jack that the family he was with was thinking about fully adopting him.

It would break Jack’s heart. But he’d try to tell Race that that was really good, that he should be happy. Race wouldn’t think so. He’d say that he didn’t want to belong to someone else. That he was fine exactly where he was and that he’d rather move in with Jack when Jack turned eighteen.

Jack would tell him that everything would be okay. That it would all work out for the best.

And then he’d tell Race to get him while he went to rehearse with Katherine.

Sarah would overhear Jack and Katherine rehearsing. So she’d go to Miss Medda and convince her to move callbacks to the day of Jack’s big game and Kath’s competition.

Charlie, the little genius, overhears this conversation and immediately starts to form a plan, enlisting the help of Race and Spot.

Race and Katherine hack into the school electrical system and mess with the power on the football field. They also cause a chemical reaction at their own competition, forcing an evacuation.

Jack and Katherine rush to callbacks with their friends right behind them and they get up on stage.

Katherine freezes, looking at Jack and shaking her head, silently telling him how scared she was. But Jack just takes her hand and starts singing.

And they get through it. (Something To Believe In).

Medda gives them the part and gives Sarah and David their understudies. David congratulates them. Sarah is pissed.

Everyone goes to watch the football team win after that. And Jack and Katherine kiss for the first time.

Spot admits to Race that he’s got a secret too. Then he proceeds to ask Race out.

And Jack sees it happen.

But he doesn’t say anything.

He goes home that day happy.

Snyder however, is not quite so happy.

When Jack gets home he’s almost immediately thrown against a wall. Snyder is tipsy at that point. He’s angry. He wants to know why Jack was out so late. Jack says he had a game. Snyder doesn’t believe it. So Jack admits he was with his friends.

And Snyder just hits him.

It happens every now and then when Snyder’s not completely forgetting that he exists. Snyder needed some extra cash. He hates that he has a kid living with him. Jack can deal with it every once in a while.

What he hates is being locked in the basement closet.

And Snyder knows that.

He locks Jack in and leaves him. And Jack cries for a minute before he can think to call his little brother with the phone that Snyder forgot he had.

And Race brings Spot and the cops with him to get Jack out.

Race and Spot get there first. Spot holds off Snyder so Race can get Jack out of the closet and Race holds Jack for a minute until Spot runs down with the cops. They try to talk to Jack and take him upstairs.

Before he goes with them, he tells Spot that if he hurts his brother, he’ll kill him. And Race can’t help but laugh.

They arrest Snyder and Race admits that his foster family found out they’re going to have their own baby. And they wouldn’t have room for him anymore.

The brothers are relocated. This time together. To a home of one Miss Medda where they find out Charlie is her adopted son.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Or, at least, survived the school year.

[teamjacobthot]

twilight saga character tag!

thank you sm @softtwihoe for tagging me <3 i feel like im still new to the renaissance fandom on tumblr even tho i never stopped being a twihard so shit like this warms my heart <3

now my spicy twilight takes………………...

1. Character you find most relatable to you as a person?

the love of my life, without a doubt, 100% leah clearwater. mfs tried to make her feel bad for feeling her feelings but she was valid in all of them. also its canon that shes a scorpio but yall aint hear it from me

rosalie bc we have similar trauma (lmao :/) and like to disagree with people. i also love big dumb men

edward. as a fellow whiny musical pissbaby who cant let shit go, i get it

2. Character that didn’t have a POV in the books or certain unfinished manuscripts, but you wish did?

ok maybe this is super underground but sue!!! mf!!! clearwater!!! she had allllllll the tea on the pack and tbh i really wanted to see how she and her family were before and after harry’s death. that event was a really big deal (outside of just bella and edward) and set shit OFF in new moon

billy bc he also had hella tea and i bet he was super fucking conflicted during the ENTIRE saga bc he couldnt say shit to charlie!!! that shit sounds rough!!!!!

quil bc he was the last to phase and i just wanna know what he was going thru. he would’ve had hellaaaaa jokes too but smeyer doesnt care abt nonwhite characters so :/

charlie, assuming he supports the black lives matter movement

i guess overall i just wanna know how EVERYONE was doing in new moon bc that story ran DEEP. i want a midnight sun for new moon but for every character

nobody asked but new moon is the best in the saga and new moon stans have the best pussy

3. Character that’s underrated and deserves more recognition?

the entire wolf pack but wbk

riley but tbh i think its bc i just loved xavier samuel in the eclipse movie

the denali coven!!!! their story was incredible imo and while irina was a snitch, i understand why she snitched. she didnt deserve to die. the denalis deserve so much better and while garrett is cool to have around, that doesnt fill the void that irina left bc the volturi decided to be a bunch of haters. i want them to heal so bad. 

tanya gets a bad rep for having a crush on edward but she deserves better too

i’d like to read abt the vacations that the denalis with the cullens too

oh and all thats just BESIDES the succubus legend that tanya and kate and irina started in canon!!!!!!!! like??????????????????? they fucked and killed human men??????????? thats the story i wanna READ bitch!!!! thats my jennifer’s body (2009) fantasy!!!!! smeyer is a coward tho

btw carmen and esme are girlfriends :)

4. Character you thought was unnecessary for the story?

ok besides the obvious, and nobody drag me for it, but bree tanner. I get she was there to show us how fucked up the volturi are and to sorta predict bella as a newborn but……...we already knew the volturi kill mfs just for fun. if the cullens werent gonna adopt her we really didnt need many details on her. and regarding the newborn thing, bree’s role as a newborn didnt really mean shit bc bella ended up being ~the perfect newborn~ anyway!!!! smeyer tried to sell us the short second life of bree tanner as if there arent other worthy characters of having a spinoff novella about like leah or seth or rosalie or emmett or charlie or resume from bella’s ovary. that being said………..

resume, for multiple reasons including:

resume literally shouldnt exist. vampires shouldnt be able to have working sperm and even then, edward shouldve pulled out. he could barely even tongue kiss bella so wtf made him think he could cum in her????? whyyy didnt he use his big vampire brain to consider that????? 

resume seemed totally unwanted and unthought of??? bella and edward were so mf absorbed in each other like regular teen couples (with 1000x the intensity but still) that it didnt seem likely that theyd want a baby after fucking like three times anyway. miss bella “fuck them kids” swan also gave no indication of wanting children. ever. EYE would have simply aborted and went on to live my best vampire life :)

resumes existence defeats the purpose of imprinting bc theres no way she’d be able to conceive with jacob. at all. but we know smeyer doesnt think shit through

smeyer writing in resume ruined jacobs character even more esp coming off the shitshow that was eclipse. periodt

5. Top 5 female characters?

leah <3

rosalie

bella

sue

angela

6. Top 5 male characters?

jacob (pre-eclipse but that’s implied)

emmett

seth

quil/paul (i love them equally)

edward’s dumb ass <3 sometimes

7. Character interaction that didn’t happen but you wish it did?

rosalie and edward but only under the condition that he finally stops being a misogynistic pissbaby towards her and accepts her for the sexy legend that she is. i feel like they’d get along well but smeyer is anti-hottie and anti-talent so i guess we’ll never know :/

leah and someone who loves her and respects her and validates her feelings :)

JACOB AND HIS SISTERS. OR EVEN JUST RACHEL. she literallyyyyyyyyyy came home after YEARS in breaking dawn but he was too busy simping over bella to acknowledge her??? huh???

bella and a licensed therapist

edward and a licensed therapist

8. Character that deserves more development?

the whole entire wolf pack but wbk

more specifically, embry. whooooom is his father???

emmett. like we get it hes funny and hot but like……….spare depth maam? any spare depth????

9. Character who is your total opposite?

jasper bc he fought for people who look like me to be ENSLAVED and the fandom lets it slide for whatever reason :|

10. Character you warmed up to after experiencing the Renaissance?

edward, in some ways. i relate to him when im feeling extra self-loathing but then i get over it lmao. he’s still stupid tho

i used to think alice was annoying af (and i still kinda do tbh) but as a fashion hoe, i get it

charlie, sorta, even tho he’s a cop. i wasnt there for the original conversation on here but do yall think he supports black lives matter? idk tbh but we’ll never know bc smeyer probably doesnt know what police brutality is. anyways ive really enjoyed the discourse on his relationship with bella and how he doesnt trust edward

jacob <3 he’s always been my heart, my soul, my baby, my fuckin cinnamon apple, etc. but i love the posts that other fans/nonhaters have been making abt how warm and kind he was before smeyer fucked him over and how he deserves so much better. its like yes im glad youre seeing all the things that make me a team jacob thot :)

idk if yall have already been tagged but im tagging @howlonghaveyoubeenseventeen @leahclearwaterdefensesquad @leahclearvvater and @bellas-dumptruck-ass! also anyone can fill this out and say i tagged them <3

[batomarbo]

Why We Hunger for Novels About Food

While putting imaginary meals on the page, I have thought a great deal about the central role that food plays in our lives. Food is love. Food is conviviality. Food is politics. Food is religion. Food is history. Food is consolation. Food is fuel. Food identifies us and who we are. It can even help us make sense of our world. We live in a culture where food porn is one of the hottest hashtags and seeking out the best new ramen or avocado toast trend is a more popular hobby than collecting stamps. And the “culinary enthusiasts” among us can’t get our fill of books about food.

But what about authors of food fiction? What compels them to write about what—and how—we eat?

Louise Miller, author of The Late Bloomer’s Club “Food is the great equalizer—everyone eats—and what we eat and how we eat it can be so emotional and can carry deep meaning. Food can also be so revealing. I remember an old New Yorker cartoon that pictured a mother and her young daughter sitting in a restaurant looking at a menu. The mother responds to her daughter’s question: ‘Chocolate pudding? I think you would like it. It’s a lot like chocolate mousse.’ That one line tells us so much!”

Phillip Kazan, author of Appetite “Food for me is very tied up with memories of my Greek grandmother, whose tiny kitchen in London was a treasure-house of tastes and smells in the grey, flavorless world of ‘60s and ‘70s England, where olive oil was something you had to buy from a pharmacist as a cure for earache. Presumably the pharmacist in our village thought our family had appalling ear problems, because my mother bought hundreds of his tiny bottles of oil for her cooking. I remember cookbooks as this wonderful escape route to exotic, warm, generous places: Greece, from where relatives would visit with huge tins of olives and bags of sugared almonds; or India, where my father was born. Writing, in a way, is an extension of my cooking, and vice versa. Cooking taught me how to create, that I needed to create.”

Randy Susan Myer, author of Waisted “I grew up in a family where food was the comforting evil (or the evil comfort). My mother—for whom dress size was the holy grail—watched every bite I took. When in a restaurant, first she’d not order what she wanted and then she’d steal bites from my plate. If I protested, she’d say, ‘If you love me, you’ll share your food.’ Often, we barely had food in the house and meals were haphazard at best. My sister snacked on raw Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. I ate uncooked matzo meal. We lived on cold cereal—which to this day is my top comfort food. My mother hid cookies and cake inside our giant pressure cooker and then put the pot on the very top of our already high cabinets. My sister and I were under ten, but a pressure cooker was no match for us. I’m surprised we didn’t become mountain climbers for how often we scampered up the peaks leading to buried sweets.”

Ramin Ganeshram, author of The General’s Cook “I’m from an immigrant family. My parents were from two countries that, at the time, had little representation here in the U.S.—even in New York City where I was born and raised. My dad was from Trinidad and Tobago and my mother was from Iran. I was also brought up in a time where people still really tried to assimilate so they downplayed their native culture with their kids. The one thing that remained a solid connection was the food we ate. I realized from a young age that I could get my parents to talk about their homes when we were eating the foods they had prepared from their respective cultures. My father, particularly, was a born storyteller and if you could talk with him while he was cooking you would get the best stories.”

Whitney Scharer, author of The Age of Light “The main character in my novel is based on Lee Miller, a woman who reinvented herself multiple times in her life—first as a model, then a photographer, and finally as a gourmet chef who wrote for Vogue and other women’s magazines of the day. In all my research about her, there was never any mention of her love of food prior to her becoming a chef. This makes no sense to me. Of course, she must have loved food—and she moved to Paris in 1929, where she would have enjoyed meals quite different—and presumably more delicious—than what she ate growing up in Poughkeepsie. I wanted her love of food to be palpable throughout the novel, both to foreshadow her shift to cooking later in life, but also because I think enjoying food—enjoying the pleasures of the body—is integral to who she is as a character. I see Lee Miller as a woman of voracious appetites: she was hugely ambitious and adventurous, and very sexual. Food seemed like another way to understand her overall hungers.”

Charlie Holmberg, author of Magic Bitter, Magic Sweet “In writing, I think food is an excellent method of transportation. If I were to detail a table setting with food you’ve never heard of, but I describe a flaky crust, the way a gelatin gives underneath a knife, and the smell of burnt sugar, you are there. You smell and taste and see that meal. It gives a story, ancient magical tales included, a sense of realness.”

David Baker, author of Vintage “A dish is a story . . . it’s the story of the culture that created it, the person who made it, the story of the ingredients and where they’re from, the tale of the meal’s creation—successful or otherwise—and then of sharing it. The whole process is a form of narrative. The same goes for wine . . . it’s the story of millions of years of geology that created the region where the fines grow. It’s the story of the culture of the region and then a time capsule of what happened weather-wise the year in which the grapes ripened, and finally what the winemaker did during that year. There are so many layers of narrative in food and wine that it’s a rich field for exploration in writing.”

Amy Reichert, author of The Coincidence of Coconut Cake “I didn’t realize I was a food writer until after people responded to my novels, and I’ve embraced it. One of my favorite parts of writing has become sharing my regional cuisine with them—writing about Wisconsin culinary delights like a Door County fish boil or our classic brandy old-fashioneds. It’s one of the ways I share my love of Wisconsin.”

Marjan Kamali, author of The Stationery Shop “It happened quite organically—pardon the pun. But it’s impossible for me to write about Iran and Iranians without including a lot of food because the preparation of huge meals is an integral part of the culture, and sharing those meals at feast-like parties is common across the classes. Food takes on added significance for my characters because they are displaced from their original home. They are Iranians living in America. There is a longing for the familiar foods they know and a constant search for ingredients they love. Cooking Persian meals links my characters to their past and heritage. Sharing Persian food with Americans is a way for them to create and deepen new relationships.”

Jenna Blum, author of The Lost Family “While I was writing The Lost Family, I cooked a lot—to meditate on the day’s writing as well as to kitchen-test all the recipes I then featured on the book’s menu. Some of my favorite lines for the book would bubble up that way, as if from a Magic 8-Ball, and one of them was ‘vegetables have no language.’ I revised this slightly for the novel, but it means that food is universal. The produce and spices will vary from country to country and cuisine to cuisine, but if you love food, you have a vast family out there. We can all communicate about how our beloved dishes are different—and how they are the same.”

*

I myself have been smitten with books about food since a friend of mine recommended that I read M.F.K. Fisher decades ago. I devoured The Art of Eating and everything else she had written. In her books I found both the exotic and the comfortable. I had never been to France or eaten escargot, but I reveled in her descriptions of food, in her use of simple phrases to evoke such specific sensations: “The air tastes like mead in our throats,” she writes in The Art of Eating. I hope to stir the same feelings and create the same sensory pleasures in others with my novels about famous culinary figures in Italian history.

Now this is a book I can really sink my teeth into, I thought as I once read the opening paragraph of The Flounder by Nobel prizewinner Gunter Grass.

Ilsebill put on more salt. Before the impregnation there was shoulder of mutton with string beans and pears, the season being early October. Still at table, still with her mouth full, she asked, “Should we go to bed right away, or do you first want to tell me how when where our story began?”

The rest of the novel, which tells the story of an immortal fish who meets an immortal man who falls in love with cooks over and over through the centuries, is just as delicious and delightful in its descriptions of food. To this day, it’s one of my favorite novels.

In reading The Flounder and other sumptuous works of culinary fiction, I’m reminded of something dramatist George Bernard Shaw once said: “There is no love sincerer than the love of food.” It’s a statement to which I think we could all gladly raise a glass.

[kathrynalicemc]

A Short and Very Vague Summary Of MCs Life™️

Kathryn Marvina Alice is born December 30, 1972 to wizard parent Maizie Bane and muggle parent John Alice. She has an older brother Jacob born May 21, 1967. Her childhood was pretty normal and happy. Her mother Maizie worked as an astronomer and her father was a surgeon at a muggle hospital. Having a muggle parent meant that she got the best of both worlds. Magical and muggle. As a result, she got enamored with muggle tv and movies. Specifically Star Trek.

Jacob and Kathryn would play in the rivers and cobblestone streets of their birthplace of Castle Combe, UK. She idolized him and likewise he felt very protective over his sister. In 1978, when Kathryn was 6, Jacob left for Hogwarts and she missed him dearly. However, only 2 years later, her younger sister Aimee was born and she took over the protective sibling role.

In 1983, a year before Kathryn turned 11, Jacob disappeared after being expelled from Hogwarts for searching for the cursed vaults. It was rumored that he joined the Dark Lord. Kathryn took her brothers disappearance hard. She refused to think of the rumors as true and vowed she would bring her brother home.

In 1984, Kathryn went to Hogwarts and was sorted into Ravenclaw, just like her brother before her. She aspired to learn as much as she could about magic and likewise the cursed vaults. She became instant best friends with an equally nerdy girl called Rowan Khanna. Additionally, she also befriended Ben Copper and Penny Haywood. However, she also made some enemies. Merula Snyde was her main rival. She didn’t care much if Merula taunted her but she drew the line of Merula came after her friend. That was the only way she would attack first. Year 1 was sort of lonely for her. She only had 3 friends while everyone else constantly gossiped and spread rumors about her and Jacob. She missed Jacob and her family dearly. However, she did make progress in finding the cursed vaults.

[The events of the game HPHM happen, I just don’t write about it. Spoilers and laziness]

Third year arrived in 1986 and Kathryn joined the Ravenclaw Quidditch team as a seeker. She would play every year until she graduated from Hogwarts. She also met Bill Weasley in year 3 and had a crush on him for a few years.

In 1988, Kathryn started year 5 as a house prefect. That year she also took her OWLS and she scored [n/a]. She also started dating Barnaby Lee this year and her crush on Bill ended. *to be continued*

During her school career, she also befriended Barnaby Lee, Charlie Weasley, Tulip Karasu, Andre Egwu, Talbott Winger, Diego Caplan, Jae Kim, Badeea Ali, Liz Tuttle, Murphy McNully, Skye Parkins, and Orion Amari.

After graduating Hogwarts in 1991, Kathryn became an Auror for the Ministry of Magic. She also continued to date Barnaby. Also that year, Aimee went to Hogwarts and got sorted into Gryffindor along with Harry Potter.

In 1993, Kathryn and Barnaby got married on Halloween night.

In the 1994-1995 school year, Kathryn and Barnaby would often go watch the triwizard tournament events at Hogwarts. Then, after the final event in the maze, after Harry gave the news of Voldemort’s return, Kathryn joined other aurors and went to search the graveyard in question but they had already left. After this, Kathryn and Barnaby knew that another war was coming and therefore decided to not have kids yet until it was all over.

In 1995, Kathryn joined the Order of the Phoenix and helped deliver Harry Potter to Grimmaud Place after his “expulsion”.

In 1997, Kathryn was working late at the Ministry and almost left to go to Bill and Fleurs wedding but was stopped by the attack by Voldemort and fall of the Ministry. She had to fight to escape alive alongside Kingsley Shacklebolt. Barnaby was at the wedding and got interrogated but the wedding guests were kept alive and released. For the rest of the war, she lived in hiding with Barnaby, occasionally resurfacing to help fight with the Order as needed. The couple often went to stay with Bill and Fleur at the Shell Cottage safehouse. They were in the cottage when the Golden Trio arrived on the beach but they soon left to get out of the way.

In 1998, the couple responded to the call to arms and walked into the Great Hall at Hogwarts with the rest of the Order. When the slytherin wanted to give Harry to Voldemort, Kathryn stood in front of Harry with everyone else. Kathryn also helps the professors with the creation of the shield charm over Hogwarts.

When the defenses fell, she was stationed on the catwalks on the top of Hogwarts with Arthur, Kingsley, Remus and Tonks. Eventually she found herself within Hogwarts. She stuns the wizard that was attacking Fred. Then, out of nowhere there was an explosion in the corridor. Kathryn was thrown against a wall and got a piece of glass embedded into her side. She just pulled it out and fashioned a makeshift bandage and kept fighting. At no point in the battle or her Auror career does she kill anyone. She only uses non-fatal spells.

Turning a corner, she came face to face with Merula, who she hasn’t seen since graduating. For a split second she wonders if Merula is a death eater. Merula lifts her wand and stuns a death eater behind Kathryn, saving her. They smile at each other and part ways, continuing to fight.

Later, Kathryn was in the courtyard fighting giants and spiders. She spots the Golden Trio crossing and heading for the boathouse. She also witnesses Aberforths patronus charm that repels the dementors. During the Battle at some point, she saves Neville from a death eater.

During the armistice, Kathryn goes to the Great Hall to help and to reunite with Barnaby. She also brings in some bodies, including Tonks. Barnaby comforts her and she comforts the Weasley family and her other school friends. Kathryn refuses any medical attention because others were in more critical condition than her. Her healer cousin Azazil Bane protests but she doesn’t take his advice.

She notices that Harry Potter is missing and goes outside where she can see flashes of spells in the forbidden forest. Then she watches a big group of people walk out of the forest and towards the school. Kathryn notices they have Hagrid captive and, as they get closer, she realizes with a flash of fear that Hagrid is holding Harry Who is motionless. She runs back inside and notifies everyone and they all start pouring out of the hall to meet the death eaters.

When the battle breaks out again, Kathryn joins Kingsley, Slughorn, and Mcgonagall in a duel with Voldemort momentarily before he blows everyone backwards and runs after Harry. She then continues to fight. She is standing in the doorway of the Great Hall to the courtyard when Harry and Voldemort land and duel. Kathryn watches as Voldemort is defeated and then runs into the Hall, exclaiming that the Dark Lord is dead. The crowd erupts into cheers but they are drowned out and Kathryn passes out from blood loss.

She wakes up a few hours later to her cousin and healer Azazil tending to her. Barnaby and her friends are at her bedside when she wakes. Overall, she ends up with a large gash in her side, a few fractured ribs, and various cuts across her body and face from spells or debris from the explosion. Azazil also tells Kathryn that she’s pregnant. Kathryn and Barnaby talk and decide that they will name the baby after Tonks, no matter the sex.

After the war, Kathryn continues to work as an Auror with her brother Jacob. Barnaby works in the Ministry and helps fight for centaur and werewolf rights. Aimee Alice goes back to Hogwarts to redo and finish her last year.

On January 10, 1999, Dora Lee is born. The family lives peacefully for many years onwards. Then, on June 21, 2005, Wyatt Lee is born. Soon after, on October 31, 2007, Naomi Lee is born.

Dora Lee starts Hogwarts in 2010 and is sorted into Ravenclaw. Wyatt Lee starts Hogwarts in 2016 and is sorted into Hufflepuff. Dora graduates in 2017 and stays on to be the DADA professor.

On September 1, 2019, Naomi starts Hogwarts and is sorted into Slytherin. Kathryn is 47 years old.

*to be continued*

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 63c (NSFW)

"When was this?"

“22nd November 1986.”

"That's very specific of you."

“To remember the date?”

"Yes. I'd expect the year, maybe the month, but remembering the date is an interesting detail."

“I was awful about her being late. A proper bastard.”

"Why were you so angry about that?"

“Because it wasn’t for the first time and she was becoming unreliable.” He exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck.

"OK. But why blow up so spectacularly about her specifically being late that particular day? I'm sure she wasn't the first person to be late that you'd had to deal with."

He shrugged, “I don’t know why I came down harder on her.”

"You don't know or you don't want to say?"

“I don’t know why I came down harder on her. Maybe it was some weird way of wanting her to meet her full potential, I don’t know.”

"Her full potential?"

“She’s always been bright. I knew from day one she’d make a great Sister.” He smiled.

"Why was it so important to you that she achieve that rank?"

“Because I knew she was capable of it.”

"Not because that would make her more your equal?"

He smiled, “Maybe. Do you believe in love at first sight?” He asked.

"Do you?"

“I didn’t until a stunning redhead crashed into my life, quite literally and threw lukewarm coffee over me.”

"When was that?" The therapist asked, a small knowing smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

“8th March 1986.”

"You have quite the head for dates don't you? Must make remembering birthdays easier."

“You’d be surprised.” He smiled, “That first day of meeting her, I knew I was in love. That night we had a bit of fun...”

The therapist nodded, indicating that he should continue.

“Just a couple of kisses, and a grope.”

"With someone you'd just met and would be working with?"

“We were drunk.” He smiled, “Story of our lives.”

"But you mentioned she threw coffee on you..?"

“Yeah she did.”

"Coffee doesn't tend to get people drunk."

“I invited her for drinks after work. That’s when our hands wandered.”

"Just the two of you?"

“There was a group of us at the start. By the end, though, it was just the two of us.”

"And that was when 'hands wandered' as you put it?"

“My hands, yes.”

"But she didn't object?"

He shook his head, “No. She bleeding encouraged me!” He laughed gently.

"The two of you do seem very physically comfortable with each other, even when discussing topics where I would normally expect one or both of you to shrink back from physical contact."

“I’ve always been Duffy’s safe place, I think.” He replied. “She’s definitely mine.”

"Safe place?"

“The place she can go to when things get tough and not be afraid.” He shrugged, “Something like that.”

"To seek comfort? Reassurance?"

He nodded.

"Anything else?"

“I know I can’t protect my wife from everything but that doesn’t mean I don’t try. It’s the same with the children.”

"And how are your children? I apologise, I can't quite recall how many you have."

“Seven between us.” He smiled brightly, “They’re all good thanks for asking.”

"I'm glad. They must keep you very busy."

He nodded, “Yeah they do. You find being a parent to so many children, you tend to have to find new exciting ways to be intimate. And preferably quick.” He laughed gently.

"That's better than simply allowing things to stagnate and lose that intimacy." She smiled. "So no plans to add any more to the brood?"

“No plans.” He smiled, “I love being a father but I also like the idea of having my wing woman back at work.”

"I see. And she feels the same way?"

“About going back to work?”

"That and further children. Is it something you've discussed?"

“Yes. Neither of us want another child. It’s far too risky.”

"Too risky?"

“She’s almost died three times in labour. The final time with Oli was the most severe.”

"What happened?"

Charlie closed his eyes. “Duffy wouldn’t stop bleeding during labour, she lost nearly all her blood supply. They managed to stop the bleeding, put her in an induced coma and told me - if she was to wake up, we’d be looking at significant brain damage. She woke up, amazingly things were mostly OK but then she had a further bleed, refused to breath independently so was intubated for a while. Fortunately she woke up and there’s been no significant damage to her, though she’s still not 100%.”

"She seems pretty well all things considered. I imagine you're extra specially careful now though?"

“Not always.” He sighed, “I’m booked in for a vasectomy again.”

"Again?"

“I had a vasectomy after the twins.”

"Ah, I see." The therapist mulled over Charlie's previous comments. "You said 'not always'?"

“Then got it reversed because we wanted another baby. Now I’m getting it done again.” He nodded. “We’re not always careful. I try and use contraception but—“

"But?"

“I prefer to... You know...”

"No I don't know..."

“Finish in her.” He mumbled, flustered.

"Ah. I see. Isn't that a little 'risky' as you put it?"

“Yes it is.”

"And yet you still both go along with it. Are you sure you're both happy with the idea of no further children?"

He nodded. “Though I think deep down Duffy would like another one.”

"And how do you feel about that?"

“It can’t happen. Even though we’re not careful. Hence why I think I need to go for a vasectomy, to stop ourselves getting into situations.”

"Because of the risk to your wife's health?"

“Yes.” He sighed.

"If you're so worried about that why allow yourself to take the risk? You say that you feel deep down that your wife wants another child, are you sure you don't feel the same?"

“As much as I’d love another child, Duffy’s health is more important. I can’t manage without Duffy. If she dies, a massive chunk of me dies with her and...” He shrugged.

"OK. Why do you think the two of you have as many children as you do? Most couples would stop after two or three."

“Because we love having babies?” Charlie chuckled softly, “Duffy and I enjoy the chaos and we both enjoy being parents.”

"Do you both come from big families then?"

“No Duffy and I were the only children growing up.”

"Interesting." She mused.

“Is it?”

She nodded and was about to speak when there was a light tapping on the door.

“Come in.” Charlie called.

The therapist laughed. "This is my office..." She remarked.

The door slowly opened and Duffy reentered the room. Her eyes were puffy and red.

“Oh yeah, sorry.” Charlie laughed gently. Meeting with Duffy’s gaze, Charlie held his arms out to her.

“Would you like to rejoin the session?” The therapist asked.

Duffy sat down and snuggled into Charlie's embrace. She nodded softly but didn't speak.

He kissed the top of her head. Holding her tightly.

"Would you like to bring your wife up to speed on what we've been talking about in her absence?"

He smiled, “We’ve been discussing the children.” His hand gently began to rub her back.

The therapist regarded Charlie with a pointed look. That wasn't all they'd spoken about...

Receiving the look of the therapist, he continued; “And about why I’m so protective of you. And... You, in general. Why I wanted you to become sister.”

Duffy sat up slightly. "Sounds like quite the conversation. Would you like me to leave again so you can continue?"

“No I want you to stay.” Charlie said gently.

"I'm not sure I want to sit and listen to myself being talked about." She smiled softly.

His hands went around her waist, “I was talking about our first meeting. And how I think I’ve always been in love with you from the very beginning.”

"Which parts of that day exactly?" She blushed.

“You throwing coffee over me. Our wandering hands after a few drinks. The massive love bite on your neck.”

"Yeh, that was difficult to explain the next day. At least the bruise on my arse from landing in a pile at your feet was easier to hide. Taught me to always check the floor around little kids incase they've vomited though!"

He began to kiss her earlobe.

"Charlie..!" She giggled.

“Sorry my bad.”

Attempting to get them both refocused the therapist cleared her throat. "So we have a few more minutes. Is there anything else either of you would like to discuss?"

“No I don’t think so. However, I think we’ll come again...”

"You said we wouldn't have to come again after today." Duffy complained, a slightly petulant tone in her voice.

“Hmm..” He kissed her earlobe again.

"You did promise!" She pouted, trying not to get distracted.

“Let’s talk about it?” He smiled. “I quite enjoyed it.”

"I didn't." She sulked. Duffy turned to the therapist. "Sorry, nothing personal."

“It’s fine.” The therapist smiled, “I can do individual sessions, if that’s of any interest?”

Duffy shrugged. She didn't really feel comfortable with the idea either way. It just seemed to rake up old traumas that she didn't really want to relive.

“I’d like to consider the individual sessions.” Charlie said.

“Lisa, I know you’re reluctant to engage. But you need to face your trauma.”

"So everyone keeps telling me." Duffy muttered. Duffy looked down at her boots, well aware of how childish she sounded.

“The only way to face your trauma is to acknowledge it.”

"I have acknowledged that it happened." Duffy replied beligerantly.

“Have you? Truthfully accepted it?”

"It happened. What else do you want from me?" Duffy shot back.

“I want you to understand that it wasn’t your fault. Because deep down, I know that’s what you think.” The therapist answered back softly.

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 14x03

SPOILERS AHEAD! BEWARE!

Soooooooooooooooo, another great episode. This week I think the balance between character focus and plot was more equal, after two very character driven episode. Though I do like the slow development of the plot so far. There are two minor things I want to complain about: first I wished we would have seen more of the Wayward Girls, aka Claire, Patience and Alex, instead of just mentioning them. Second: CAS AND JODY STILL HAVEN’T MET! How is that even possible? But maybe we should be careful for what we wish for, because we demanded for years for Cas and Charlie to meet and when they finally did Charlie died an episode later.

Anyway. There is a lot to unpack again, so as always, let’s take a closer look.

Angry AF

Hey, I didn't mean…  I didn't mean to be a dick.

So let’s start with the man of the hour: Dean. Oh how we missed you and your snark (btw I love Sam’s beard and so does Jody, and that is really all that matters). There is a whole lot of unanswered question concerning Michael and the episode doesn’t even try to answer them, because as for now they are not important. Important is Dean and what Michael did to him. Dean is, as other Kaia noted, scared, but to him fear translates into anger, because that is the only way he has learned to deal with it. He acts like a man possessed (oh the irony), and wants to skip to the end of the story where he kills Michael. Which is such an interesting meta commentary, because the show tells us that it will take some time until we get some answers, that both Dean and the audience have to muddle through what this possession made of him, until we get the big showdown. This is really just the start, and we can’t skip ahead to the end. And this makes me think we might get entire season that is more interested in its characters than the plot, than instead of the multiple story arcs we had in prior season we really just get one big story this season and that it takes some time to tell it. Which makes me really excited.

The most interesting part to me was Dean’s confrontation with the other Kaia. She noted the similarities between Dean and Michael, how they both run on threats and violence. And the episode before already asked us the question if the connection between angel and vessel isn’t just the bloodline, but a similarity in character as well. 14x02 left it open for interpretation if it was Nick who had killed his family, if he might have been a monster even before Lucifer made him one. This week we saw how very alike Dean and Michael are, at least from Kaia and other Kaia’s perspective. Kaia experienced Dean as a violent man, as someone she was afraid of. We do know that while Dean has a dark side that there is more to him, we do get the full picture, whereas Kaia only saw a glimpse. Is it possible than that (arch)angels feed on the worst version of their vessels? Or simply bring out the features similar to them? Michael and Lucifer then, sinister creatures, fed on both Nick and Michael’s dark side, whereas Cas, the angel with too much heart, was influenced by Jimmy’s kindness and his wish to do the right thing? I always found the relationship between vessels and angels very interesting and it seems this season will give us a few new insides on it.

The other thing that has changed is of course Dean’s home, the bunker. Naturally Dean will need some time to get used to all the people there, and that they see Sam as their leader. In contrast to that the scene where Dean commanded Cas to get in his head seemed almost intimate, just the core three of them. And speaking of Cas, it seemed to me that there was some sort of distance between Dean and Cas, despite Dean allowing Cas to get in his head. There was no reunion hug (Jack got one), and Dean was very quick to agree that Cas should look after Lora. It was like Dean tried to put some walls up, but then he did the same thing around Sam, so it might not be specific related to Cas. I’m curious to see how their next interaction will be.

There is also still the mystery of the spear, what it is exactly and why it could hurt Michael (and possibly kill him). Do Archangels exist in every universe and could that been an Archangel weapon? How did other Kaia got it? And what is her plan/motivation?

Also, the modified vampires knew that Dean was Dean again, and no longer Michael, so can monsters sense angels? (Was that mentioned at some point?)

We end the episode with Dean once again drowning in guilt, thinking it is his fault alone that Michael got the chance to hurt people. Guilty Dean is known for not always making the best choices, so we have to wait to see where this gets us.

Wayward AF

I just feel like I sort of already lost before I ever began.

As I mentioned before I wish we would have seen more of the Wayward Girls, because I love their interactions, both with Jody and each other, but I take what I can get. The Wayward story is now intervened with the Michael story through other Kaia and her weapon. I don’t think that was the original plan for Wayward Sisters, as they probably would have a myth-arc independent from Supernatural, but this way it means we are definitely going to see them again, and they will (hopefully) play a bigger role this season. And Jody and Cas might actually meet, though it seemed on the phone like they do know each other (though it is possible they only know each through phone conversations, because I do hope they didn’t had their first meeting off camera already).

One of the big things we can take away from this episode is that Dreamhunter has been confirmed canon. I think Bobo confirmed after 13x10 that Dreamhunter is definitely a thing, but still it is good it is canon now, especially as it wasn’t necessary for the plot to make them romantic. Claire’s guilt over Kaia could be still as intense without her having romantic feelings, but they still went there. Which I will use to talk briefly about Destiel, because we can’t talk about the one without the other. Or we could have if Wayward Sisters would have become its own show, because then Dreamhunter would have no longer be related to Destiel, as they would have both appeared on separate shows. And sure the CW has a thing for spin-offs or shows that share the same universe (Arrowverse) but those shows usually don’t parallel each other. But unfortunately Wayward Sisters isn’t its own show, but for now part of Supernatural, and because of that Dreamhunter do mirror Destiel. And Bobo knows that because he put in those parallels deliberate in 13x10, and Dabb knows it as well, so I take that as a win on the Destiel front.

I liked that we got to know other Kaia a bit better. She is not a monster, and she might even become an ally to the Winchesters and their fight against Michael. I wonder though why she wanted to kill Claire. She confirms that she and our Kaia were connected, because they were both Dreamwalkers. Does that mean she was aware of what our Kaia felt for Claire? And if so, why would she kill Claire? What is her goal? There are too many questions surrounding her character for her not to come back, and I do hope we will see Claire again and her reaction to other Kaia.

And lastly, that quote of Jody I put up there: in show Jody talks about her grief about losing Kaia before she even got to know her, but from outside this is Bobo talking about losing his show before it even started, about the characters he loves so much, and the meaningful stories they were meant to tell us. Those lines and Kim acting them so brilliantly was a huge F*ck You towards the CW, showing us the kind of depth Wayward Sisters could have had, and making me longing for this show even more. I hope they shove in as much of Wayward Sisters into the show as they can, but I’m still very bitter about everything we could have had and that we don’t get to see.

Nougat AF

Well what you did today, you just made me so proud.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww Jack (that is just my usual reaction whenever I see him). Seems like he didn’t listen at all when Cas told him last episode to find value in his own, but never mind, this week’s case will do the trick. Obviously Lora functioned as a Jack mirror in a not that subtle way. She ran away from home, because she was sick of being treated as a child, the same way Jack planed to leave, because of how Sam, Dean and Cas have treated him. So far the mirror works. But then Lora met a witch, a witch that was at first kind, but then she locked her up, and started to steal her youth, which then resulted in Lora’s (temporally) death. We know that Sam, Dean and Cas have been kind to Jack, have fed him, and also currently locked him up for his own safety. And in the end Jack starts to wither away in some way, the way Lora did. But it wouldn’t make a lot of sense if Sam, Dean and Cas would be the witch in this story, so who is? Someone we already met or someone in the future? Why is Jack’s health deteriorating? Is it a result of the spell the witch used on Lora? Does it have other origins? And how can we help him? Just after jack realized that he can help other people without his powers, that there are many ways to be useful, after Cas offered him a hunting trip. I can’t deal with Jack being sick, he is my sweet Nougat child.

Some other things:

Speaking of Jack, he referred to Cas as one of his dads, contracting the statement from last week that Kelly’s family is the only real family he has left. But also, from Lora’s perspective, who doesn’t know who or what Jack is and his relationship to the Winchesters, this sounds like Jack has two gay dads… which you know is actually true.

I love that the show didn’t forget about Sam’s weird obsession with serial killers.

They have a bottom drawer marked “gross stuff”. Of course they have.

Obviously Posh Spice is Michael’s favourite Spice Girl.

[iamtimish]

2019 In Movies

If you had asked me at the start of September my thoughts on movies in 2019 I would’ve told you it was the worst year since 2014, when I started going regularly. Early year releases like Booksmart or Midsommar grabbed my attention in the theater but faded from memory as the weeks went on. Even Jordan Peele’s Us, an ambitious film making many year-end lists, lacked the coherence of his first feature Get Out. I admit this may be colored by my own aversion to horror. So subjectively and prematurely, I was out on the movies of 2019. 

I was wrong. From October through December I saw something truly great almost every week. In one weekend I saw Parasite and Pain & Glory. The next weekend I saw Knives Out and the following weekend The Irishman. Not only was my faith restored and mental health improving, I was now wondering if this wasn’t my greatest year at the movies. 

So listed far below are my 15 favorite movies for 2019. 15 because these were the ones I found thought provoking, thrilling, rewatchable - whatever words add up to heart-pounding for you. Beyond those there aren’t more than a handful I still care to talk about. Those 15 films though… damn. 

“Good” art conveys an intentionality while remaining open to interpretation. It makes sense then that these films, in yet another year where many of us feel uncertainty and discontent, are thematically connected by cynicism. That’s not to say that all of these films are cynical; there are acts of hope and attempts at healing that are important takeaways. Sometimes, it’s in individual acts of bravery (hopeful heroism) combating the cynical world in which the characters find themselves. This may be explicitly depicted like in Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood when two aging film industry men jaded by a changing society as well as their own choices, wield limbs, bean cans, and flame-throwers in an attempt to reverse history on the horrific Sharon Tate murders. The hyper-violent climax that we’ve become accustomed to in Quentin Tarantino films is effective not as a redemption arc for the morally questionable protagonists but because it suggests that individuals have the ability to fight back against evil.

More subtle examples exist in films like Knives Out where being capable and kind are rightly heroic. In Pain & Glory healing arrives as an artistic re-awakening despite the declining physical prowess of our aging protagonist. Kindness and creativity spell hope in the limiting world of Little Women. Jo March (Saoirse Ronan) is fiercely independent, loving and determined in a world that, as her sister Amy puts it, “is hard on ambitious girls.” Battling both this misogynistic society that she finds herself in, and the isolation that her ambition imposes, Jo’s ability to confer importance through her art is heroic unto itself (not to mention the way she cares for her dying sister). In this cynical world, the ability of the march sisters to persevere and grow relates an optimism to those of us struggling in the moment.

Marriage Story and The Farewell each follow families coping with death, not an optimistic premise on the face of it but not completely sorrowful either. Both center on women who’ve been turned into cynics by circumstance. For Nicole (Scarlett Johansson - Marriage Story) it’s the death of her marriage. She is rightly aggrieved by Charlie’s affair and selfishness, and is brave to seek a change. In an ideal world understanding happens before it gets to divorce, but that’s not always possible. So when a relationship like that of Nicole and Charlie’s is beyond repair the most noble act is to find a place of peaceful coexistence for their family, and for themselves. And despite the animosity that arises during the divorce proceedings, Charlie and Nicole eventually find that way forward. The way Marriage Story ends is sad, but also suggests a working future for those involved. 

In The Farewell, Billi (Awkwafina) must come to terms with her family’s decision to hide a cancer diagnosis from her grandmother. The decision, a cultural one, angers Billi; she’s unable to grieve the way she wishes. Philosophy lessons beautifully disguised in conversations with her elders start to open Billi up to the idea. But it is the physical act of seeing her grandmother’s happiness in being with family, joyful and unburdened by a medical diagnosis, that gives Billi hope. Like in Marriage Story, healing does not mean eradication - be it disease or betrayal - but rather the pursuit of happiness on the back end of tragedy.

Other movies are more directly hard edged and cynical. The Irishman and Uncut Gems are not concerned with hope or redemption. In both movies greedy men do greedy things, or stupid things, or both. When they seek redemption from those they have hurt, they don’t get it. Nor do they deserve it; they have no remorse. Howard Ratner (Adam Sandler - Uncut Gems) is a man who never looks back. Each chaotic decision, no matter how failed the result, only propels him into more chaos. His false idea of redemption is to keep climbing the mountain until he reaches the top. Only that he is more Sisyphus than Sir Edmund Hillary. Frank Sheeran (Robert De Niro - The Irishman), while more restrained, is equally as stubborn. At the end of his life he is alone, estranged from his daughters. Yet he is not at all remorseful about his life as a hitman for the mob; it’s what it is. 

Then there is Parasite, a masterful blend of all of these themes. There are cynics and heroes, individual acts of hope and horrific acts of violence; with family at the root of it all. Co-writer (with Han Jin-won) and director Bong Joon-Ho expressed that in making Parasite he “tried to express a sentiment specific to the Korean culture, all of the responses from different audiences were pretty much the same.” When asked why that was director Bong replied, “essentially, we all live in the same country...called capitalism.” Now this is perhaps truer and more cynical than any of the previous films discussed here. Yet, the movie is so expertly crafted, so brilliantly written, that there are ways to read the subtext of the film as hopeful. I choose to see it more as an expression that we’re trapped in a system that pits the middle and lower class against one another, with little hope of change. But it is certainly possible to read Parasite through a more optimistic lens. One that suggests as long as we are not dead, we can still fight, and hope. That is the beauty of it and why it is my favorite film of the year. 

So without further ado, here is the list of my favorite movies of 2019, along with some superlatives. 

Honorable mentions: Rocketman, The Art of Self Defense, Jojo Rabbit, Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story

15. Ad Astra

14. 1917

13. La Gomera

12. Corpus Christi

11. The Souvenir

10. The Farewell

9. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote

8. Uncut Gems

7. The Irishman

6. Knives Out

5. Little Women

4. Marriage Story

3. Pain & Glory

2. Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood

1. Parasite

Best Actor: 

Leonardo DiCaprio (Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood)

Runners Up:

Most Soothing Voice: Antonio Banderas (Pain & Glory)

Dude Absolutely Going For It In the Best Way: Jonathan Pryce (The Man Who Killed Don Quixote)

Best Actress:

Lupita Nyong’o (Us)

Runners Up:

Best Matriarch (TIE): Zhao Shuzhen (The Farewell); Cho Yeo-jeong (Parasite)

Most Wonderful, but So Lonely: Saoirse Ronan (Little Women)

Florence Pugh Award for Being Incredible in Everything and Having my Heart: 

Florence Pugh 

Funniest Scenes:

Al Pacino explaining to a courtroom that if attacked, “You charge with a gun. With a knife, you run.” (The Irishman)

Kevin Garnett praying to the gems in the locker room (Uncut Gems) 

Best Rock: 

The Uncut Gem (Uncut Gems)

Worst Rock: 

Metaphorical Rock (Parasite) 

Best Animal:

Dog (The Farewell)

Worst Animal:

Rat (1917)

Best Unplaceable Accent: 

Daniel Craig (Knives Out)

Best sunglasses: 

Matt Damon (Ford v. Ferrari)

Best Fit:

Richard Ayoade in a cheetah print blazer and striped shirt (The Souvenir)

Best Casual Mention That Your Boyfriend is a Secret Heroin Addict:

Richard Ayoade in a cheetah print blazer and striped shirt (The Souvenir)

Best Julia (TIE): 

Julia Fox (Uncut Gems); Julia Butters (Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood)

Shortest King:

Stephen Graham (The Irishman)

here is a link to everything I have been watching where you can also find reviews and lists from the past few years. Thanks as always, if you read this far, or at all. 

[calamity-bean]

Harlots 1.07: stray thoughts about family & motherhood & all that good stuff

It’s way too late at this point for a proper recap of the ep, but there are still some things that won’t get out of my brain. Specifically, I keep coming back to how rich this episode was with themes of family. Blood family as well as found family; how certain characters are influenced about family, and how others are not at all; and how a show-driving conflict that was initially presented as founded primarily on revenge and economics has increasingly been revealed to be equally driven by familial love, as much of the conflict on this show is.

Nancy and Margaret gave me a lot of my favorite moments of this episode. The bits of backstory were lovely -- learning that Nancy and Margaret were still in Lydia’s house when Charlie was young, for instance, can help us kind of ballpark how long it’s been since they ran away. And to see these two dear friends -- in fact, I tend to think of them rather as sisters as well -- torn apart like this was devastating but damn good. It also gave me my single favorite line of the episode: “You’re only a hairpiece and a powder pot from being everything you despised.” 

For me, that line, delivered from Nancy to Margaret, is the corollary to my favorite line from 1.06: Florence to Lydia, “How can it be hate that drives you? It is love!” We’ve come to learn that the relationship between Margaret and Lydia was much more than merely employer and employee; having come into Lydia’s house when she was only ten years old, Margaret seems to have been something of a daughter to her, and Lydia perhaps a mother to Margaret. As such, the bitterness and resentment between them is tinged (especially on Lydia’s end) with love -- and as such, their relationship has been increasingly reminding me of Margaret and Charlotte.

In both cases, we see the idea of a mother (biological or not) molding her daughter in her image, and of the daughter rebelling against that molding. Charlotte’s rebellion is coming to a head now, but it’s been simmering from the beginning of the series, when she made it clear that she had qualms with forcing Lucy into the profession and to the entire concept of money being of primary importance. Margaret strives to be a good mother and a good bawd. Unlike Lydia, who lamented choosing to keep Charles, out of all her children, rather than a daughter, Margaret wishes she’d had more sons so that Charlotte and Lucy wouldn’t have had to enter this life. And while I do think that Margaret is both a much better mother and a much kinder bawd than Lydia, and has done nothing to merit the level of rebellion Lydia faced from Margaret (i.e., rightfully getting arrested for her crimes), we still see the same tension in both relationships of mothers who think that they’re guiding their daughters into the best life, and daughters who chafe under that guidance even as they cannot help but follow at least some part of the example their mother has set.

And this element right here -- the deep importance of family, the deep influence of family -- is something which could ultimately prove a point of contention between Charlotte and Marney. I really appreciate this glimpse into Marney’s backstory. We learn that he has many siblings, but the way he speaks of them -- and, indeed, the way he has not spoken of them until now -- is such a marked contrast to how deeply connected Charlotte is with her family, particularly Lucy. It’s not a deep enough disagreement (at least at this point) for Charlotte to actually break with Marney, but it’s part of why I knew from the beginning that of course they would not be running away to America together. Regardless of Charlotte’s disagreements with Margaret, how could she possibly stand to let fate scatter her and Lucy the way it’s scattered Marney and his siblings? I’m interested to see whether this will ever prove to be a sticking point between them again, or whether Marney, despite his less-than-stellar first impressions with the rest of the Wells family, might ultimately come to appreciate the degree to which Charlotte prizes them and perhaps even form his own bonds with them. Marney is such a free spirit, such an embodiment of this idea of “freedom” that so entices Charlotte, that it’s hard to imagine him putting down roots, but it could be an interesting process.

And on a final Margaret note: I would dearly, dearly have loved to have more screentime between Margaret and Haxby. To be honest, I was kind of hoping Margaret would give him a well-deserved ass-kicking, or at least an earful. Not to mention how nice it would have been to get some sense of explanation or emotion or motivation from Haxby. I and others have remarked upon how drastic his actions in this episode seem, and although it probably wouldn’t have fixed that entirely, it might at least have helped us to understand what’s going through his head right now if he had a few more lines or weren’t so damned opaque. More than anything, though, I just really would have liked to see some proper interaction between these two characters who are incredibly different yet have both featured prominently in Charlotte’s lives, in incredibly different ways. Interactions between unexpected characters are always grandly exciting, from a writing perspective, especially under such strained circumstances as this, and I wish we’d gotten more than just a few fleeting words before Margaret fled.

And, when you think about it, a lot of what we know about Haxby is driven by family as well: his family’s generations of service to the Howard family. I wonder how interesting it could have been if Margaret had been allowed to be a bit more aggressive with Haxby and perhaps find some way to leverage that. (Alternately: just go all Mama Bear on him, Margaret, kick his ass.)

And MAN, this is not even getting into the way Lucy experiences a lot of the same mother-daughter pressures as Charlotte but has been responding in different ways, or how Florence and Amelia are yet another example of a mother raising her daughter to follow in her footsteps but have resulted not so much in a rebellion but the daughter but in an awakening by the mother in response to the daughter’s own growing independence and maturity, and how Margaret called out Nancy for not having children and yet Nancy is a fierce protectoress to the girls she takes in and AW MAN there is just!! Too much!!!!