#the way deborah looks at ava ... fuck

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Don't read this. You've been warned.

SO THIS IS WHAT MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCKING DEPRIVE THE FEMALE LEAD OF SCREENTIME OVER THIS NEW COMPLETELY FUCKING UNNECESSARY CHARACTER LIKE THIS MPDG

Full article in the RB notes

AFTER THIS:

IF YOU WANTED TO SHOW US WHAT HIS PERSONAL LIFE LOOKED LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP HE NEEDED TO FUCKING ATTEMPT WAS NOT OUTSIDE WORK!!! FUCK YOU, ALL! YOU TOO, CALO!

HACKS'LOVE STORY IS PERFECTLY WRITTEN AND THE FANS ARE NEVER GASLIGHTED, THEIR INTELLIGENCE IS NOT INSULTED ON A PERMANENT BASIS. THEY ARE NOT SPOONFED EITHER, THE BALANCE EXISTS AND YOU COULDN'T FUCKING WRITE IT, YOU WENT FOR THE FUCKING CLICHÉ INSTEAD:

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED:

And don't get me wrong, I ADORE JEAN, I LOVE HACKS and I even have a blog exclusively dedicated to that show I am a fan of, so having watched all 3 seasons and believing in it from day 1, IK exactly what I'm talking about. Lucia is nailing the love story because she has the ovaries to tell it, and doesn't use her writing, direction, and executive production efforts to gaslight those who tune in to see how Deborah & Ava's love story unfold. She even writes other characters who play love interests for both but does not string that along, it has a beginning a middle, and an end because she ALWAYS SUPPORTS THE ENDGAME COUPLE NARRATIVE, SHE DOESN'T TRY TO PUSH ANOTHER BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHY THE AUDIENCE TUNES IN AND RESPECTS THAT.

And I don't think that at this point I have to make a stronger case about how much I fucking worship Sydney Adamu and will always defend her, but hey! being truthful, objective, and realistic is MY way of protecting her. Unpopular opinion? Maybe. Do I give a fuck? HAHAAAAAAAAAA GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

So, Deborah's character is a lot more complex than Sydney's.

Deborah re-discovers her sexuality and re-defines herself as she falls in love with a subordinate and rebuilds her career after everyone left her for dead in the dust of it, and turns a cancelation around at the age of 100 years old in a world that is no longer the world she knew and made her bitch, which made her filthy rich but also cost her EVERYTHING.

Sydney, on the other hand, is this nuanced character, with a dead mom we know NOTHING ABOUT, a potentially recovered alcoholic father we know nothing about either, a past we know almost nothing about, a love life and sexuality we can guess but WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT EITHER, with a "platonic romance with a white boy who gave her his life long dream and heart on a fucking plate" THAT NO ONE WANTS TO FUCKING EXPLORE BECAUSE THEY TRY TO SHOVE THIS MPDG WHITE GIRL CHARACTER DOWN OUR FUCKING THROATS and a bunch of other motherfucking layers that remain completely unwritten and off-screen. No screen time whatsoever for character development in S2 for Sydney, BUT THIS ONE? I EVEN HAD TO PUT UP WITH HER MOTHERFUCKING ASS!!!

So summing up: This award was taken from Ayo, not won by Jean, because Jean had a whole team having her back, Ayo was RELEGATED BY HER OWN TEAM TO PRIORITIZE A FUCKING MPDG UNNECESSARY WHITE CHARACTER, AND IF I COULD FUCKING SUE THE RESPONSIBLE ONES, FOR THIS, I 10000% WOULD.

FUCK YOU, ALL AT DISNEY WHO LET THIS HAPPEN AND DON'T EVEN GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON S3, THE NEXT AWARD SEASON WILL BE EVEN WORSE BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN LOUD AND CLEAR FOR 2 FUCKING YEARS NOW, BUT STORER AND APPARENTLY DISNEY DON'T FUCKING LISTEN AND THEN THIS HAPPENS:

[sapphicscholar]

A/N: oh hey, it's been a hot second! I had an idea watching the previews for the season finale (obviously this is not what it's referring to, and I have my own theories about what'll actually happen!) and wanted to get a little thing out on the eve of the episode's dropping

Fic Preview:

Words would be easier, Ava thinks, were it not for those last couple of shots she got talked into by a couple of sweaty frat bros who had exactly zero interest in her outside of the fact that they thought she had just fucked Deborah in one of their bedrooms. Which she most certainly did not do. Fighting, yes. Which is kind of like fucking but only occasionally with the same kind of catharsis.

This fight had felt nothing like fucking. It was just…sad.

Almost as sad as this fucking rollaway cot. Because of course Deborah opted for the king instead of two queen beds when the President’s office said they would only comp one room. Something about how most honorees don’t bring their writer with them, just a spouse. Which is something they’ll be unpacking the day after never.

Ava tosses onto her left side. Then her right.

“Would you be quiet?” Deborah squawks at her from across the room.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t exactly a Sleep Number deluxe over here,” Ava huffs.

“If I don’t sleep, I’m going to look exactly as hungover as I already feel, and I can’t look old on camera. Not now.”

“You’re not—you still have time. You know that, right?” Ava’s going for comforting, but the shots have loosened her tongue, and the words sound baggy and deflated of all their meaning.

“What?”

Ava pushes herself up to a seated position, peering over to where Deborah’s lying in the dead center of the bed, her sleep masked pulled down over her eyes but her body too rigid to be anywhere near relaxed. “I said,” Ava repeats, letting her voice grow a little louder, “that you still have time.” A beat. “You said you didn’t have any time, and…I just, I don’t want you to think that way.”

[cdyssey]

Hacks (1.10) Reactions:

the dedication being to jean’s late husband ;-;

God, Deborah edging Ava out of the schedule but not confronting her.

lol, the fact that deb has apparently served dj

“… because if you don’t want me to do this show I won’t.” Deborah genuinely asking DJ is such a good moment. DJ has spent so much of her life having to be subject to what her mother thinks best.

God, that beat after DJ makes Deborah genuinely laugh—she soaks in that moment, clearly proud and a little awed to have caused it. As we’ve seen with both Ava and Marcus, when you’re in Deborah’s spotlight, it is the most magical place in the world.

The Jimmy/Kayla dynamic isn’t quite working for me atm… her actress is great, but I need kayla to grow up just a little.

(heard they get more complex as the seasons go on, though!)

jfc, Deb doesn’t believe Ava about her dad because of the previous lies.

Deb doesn’t confront her, but Deb doesn’t look at her either. God. This drama is so fucking good.

“I don’t really think about you.” / “Yeah, right, lady. You do think about me. And I think about you. It’s called a human relationship. And sorry, but we have one.” OH, MY FUCKING GOD

“No one’s allowed to communicate honestly with you. And if they do, you either shut them out or push them away, or, I-I don’t know, hit them with your car.”

THIS IS SOME FUCKING GOOD FOOD

“This is my life!” JEAN SMART, THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE!!!!!

“Does KFC want you to be the new Colonel Sanders?” GNDNFNSNDN, cold

“You are a fucking hack.” / [Deborah slaps her.]

OH MY GOD, DID THAT JUST HAPPEN

DID THAT JUST FUCKING HAPPEN

THIS IS THE MOST INSANE CONVERSATION FUCKING EVER

The tangible silence after that—the tears in Ava’s eyes, the immediate regret in Deborah’s. All of their punches have been verbal until this exact moment, but now a new line has been crossed, and it can never be taken back.

“I’ll trade you a Xanny for a cigarette.” Lol

AVA’S REVENGE. OH, GOD GIRL. STAY AWAY FROM YOUR PHONE WHEN YOU’RE DRINKING

Kiki is so hot.

Deborah taking responsibility with Marcus… but only because Ava is out of the picture. Hhhhhhhhhgh.

MARCUS CEO AND 10% RAISE!!! OH, HE DESERVES IT

The tears in his eyes and voice. Carl Clemons-Hopkins is such a good actor. He’s brough Marcus to life in such beautiful ways.

“‘Cause you’re already in a relationship. With Deborah.” WOOF. Yeah. And the use of “relationship” takes us back to Ava and Deb in the dressing room, firmly hammering it in home that Marcus and Ava are two sides of the same coin

THE TIMES COVER.

I THINK SHE WILL.

XOXO

I’M CRYING

Deb getting a standing ovation upon entry 😭😭😭😭 yeah, that’s right. That mother

SHE’S GONNA USE THE NEW MATERIAL

SHE WORE THE STILETTOS BECAUSE THE PAIN IS WORTH IT

THIS GODDAMN SHOW

jfc Ava’s dad is dead. 😭 She never got to see him again after moving to LA.

The environmental detail in Ava’s childhood bedroom is peak. Ofc, she has mean girls and twilight magazine covers

“I gotta be up before Kelly Ripa’s day is done.” Deborah is in her head.

I’m going to be nuts over them. I am going to climb the freakin’ walls

This argument with Ava’s mom feels so fucking real, down to it casually ending with, “Do you want some coffee?” as though they just get out of a devastating fight about everything that has historically made their relationship dysfunctional

DEBORAH AT THE FUNERAL

I’M WEEPING

IN A FUR COAT AND EVERYTHING

“It’s exhausting to lose a loved one.” she gets it.

Deborah warming up the crowd like she would a standup. 😭 I’m not kidding, y’all. there are actually tears in my eyes.

DEB IN AVA’S CHILDHOOD BEDROOM

“Hey, shoes off.” AKAKSKJD

Ava got into comedy because it made her feel connected to people—a response to a shitty childhood

“Well, no. You can’t quit. You’re too good.” Oh, God, and that’s what gets Ava to finally cry. Because it’s not just grief, goddammit. It’s catharsis and much needed release. The show began with Ava stuck in a rut because the entire comedy world had deemed her irredeemable. At her childhood home, she was and is the lonely creature who could never quite get her parents to understand. But here and now, here’s someone telling her that she’s talented.

And that she belongs.

Deb about mostly bombing: “And I loved it…. I haven’t felt that way in years. The show didn’t work, but it will. The pieces are there. I just have to figure out how to put them together.” Ava has pushed her out of her comfort zone—into new and exciting territory. And that thrill of the unknown has made her feel more alive and passionate than she has in years

DEBORAH ON TOUR!!!

“Okay, but you really can’t hit people.” I’m so glad that Ava (and the show) doesn’t let her get away with that.

That handshake transforming into a tender hand hold is so goddamn beautiful.

Poor Marcus. He’s gotten what he wants at so high of a personal cost

AVA FUCKING SENT AN EMAIL ABOUT DEBORAH WHILE SHE WAS DRUNK

OH, GOD AND DEBORAH IS HAPPY AND OBLIVIOUS, AND IT’S JUST LIKE THE DRUNK VOICEMAIL ALL OVER AGAIN.

ALSO, AVA SITTING NEXT TO DEB ON THE JET WHEN DEB USED TO NOT LET HER. BUT NOW THEY’RE ON EVEN GROUND TOGETHER, EXCEPT THEY’RE NOT BECAUSE THERE’S APPARENTLT AN EMAIL

FUCK ME!!

okay, not to be hyperbolic, but that was one of the best first seasons of television that I have ever consumed in my life

[nakedmonkey]

always keen for deb/ava from you happy v day 🥰 something around dj saying to deborah: " oh my god, mom! do you /love/ her?" or deborah to ava: " you little shit, come here. kneel down."

Happy V Day to you as well! Thank you for the prompt!

"Um, what the hell, mom!"

Deborah winces at the sound of DJ, loud enough from inside the house. When she makes her way to the patio, where Deborah is reading the paper, she looks thoroughly pissed.

"DJ, good morning."

"Don't 'good morning' me. Guess what I just found out!"

"I'm dying to know. What?"

"Oh, you know. Ava's little email, that's all."

Deborah sets her tea down. She was not expecting this.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're telling me this girl wrote a disgusting, though mostly true, email to some Hollywood assholes and she isn't dead in a ditch somewhere?"

Deborah rakes in a breath, tries to sound casual about it when she says with a shrug, "It was a long time ago, DJ."

"You sued me for defamation for saying I met my first coke connection at one of your shows."

"Because that was a lie! Plus, I did sue Ava. Calm down. Do you want Josefina to make you waffles?"

"Really? Carbs? Now I know you're deflecting. That was not a lie, first of all, second--wait."

DJ lets something between a laugh and a scoff out as she pulls a chair out and sits across the table from Deborah, staring intently at her.

"Mom..."

"What?"

"Oh my God, Mom!"

Deborah doesn't like the look on DJ's face, or her inflection.

"Jesus Christ, what!"

"Do you love her?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Deborah says, getting up and then leaving in a huff, but DJ is hot on her trail.

"Oh, my God, mom, wait! It's okay!"

"Shut up, DJ!" She yells back at her as she hurries up the stairs. She barely makes it into her bedroom in time to slam the door in DJ's face and she groans when she hears her say, "It's okay, mom! Love is love!"

"Fuck off, DJ!"

But DJ doesn't fuck off. DJ waits for the dust to settle, and then knocks softly on Deborah's door.

"Mom. Seriously. Can I come in?"

Deborah breathes carefully in and out. And well, DJ is the last person she thought she'd be having this conversation with, but she supposes it's as far as it can get from Ava.

"Sure, come in."

[halomisthios]

you have these two stubborn women on the opposite sides of the emotional spectrum. deborah is cold and distant, and ava is hot-headed and passionate. for deb, ava is the first worthy opponent that's challenged her point of view and insecurities, the first person to not buy her bullshit façade and deflections. she keeps pushing ava away before she can leave the same way she keeps smothering her own potential out of fear of failure. she has lost so much in her life because of her ambitions and she's finally met someone who wants to do everything she wants to do with her, and deb has no idea how to process this. she keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. when it doesn't come, she creates obstacles to fuck with their dynamic but ava sees right thru it and calls her the fuck out!

she knows what she's doing bc they've done this push and pull at least thrice now and ava is hurt. shes hurt so much because she knows how good deb is and how good they are together, and yet deb keeps getting caught in a web of doubt of her own making.

ava knows deb is lashing out out of instinct yet that doesnt soften the blow. shes watched deb grow so much in so little time and watching her regress back into false comfort is fucking frustrating and heartbreaking! ava knows deb is scared but she knows she's capable of taking a calculable risk, so why the fuck is deb refusing to put her best foot forward? why does she refuse ava an equal position when they've been going strong?

making a professional betrayal feel like an intense break-up is so delicious and loaded bc where is the line between them? ava hasn't swung back into deb's orbit and stayed for fuck-all. she's here because she's believes in their work. she believes in them.

and that freaks deborah the fuck out.

acknowledging that ava means more to her than she'd outwardly admit requires her to look back on her life through a different lens and that is fucking terrifying. it means admitting to herself that this concocted image is a farce, and being this far into it, deborah cant fathom what'd that do to her, or ava. she thinks that if she leans into the truth of the situation, ava will leave and she'll lose someone she's never met before: a twin flame. and that prospect would destroy her.

what deb fails to recognize in denying her emotions to surface, is that ava is literally and figuratively yelling at her to look at her and see how much she wants this.

late nights filled with wine and tangents and laughter. early mornings filled with coffee and headaches and warmth. stupid squabbles that always mean they float back to each other. sticky notes left around the house with jokes scribbled on them.

deborah's breaths against the back of ava's neck when she's leaning over her shoulder to look at the computer. ava's bold stare when she tells deborah something honest and deborah can't help but blush and look away.

deborah brushing her fingers against ava's cheeks when she's talking about her dad. ava holding deborah's hand when she gets off the phone with dj and won't open her eyes to see ava looking at her with one phrase on the edge of her tongue: i love you i love you i love you.

i want to be by your side. i want to make you laugh and ease the hurt. i want to make the greatest work of our lives. i want to walk through the dark with you because at least we'll be together. i want you and everything that means, because i love you.

too many times deb's had good things snatched away from her, whether by her own doing or others. she can't endure that again, bc she's not sure she'd survive it. she can't allow herself to indulge the risk of believing ava.

but god be damned if ava won't make her.

having a conniption over hacks again

[jennamacaroni]

prompt list, angst #1: “I love you!  Is that what you wanted to hear?”

(this is for an anon and @soulofacircus who both requested this #)

The Kansas City crowd is brutal.  Deborah’s set is full of awkward silences and forced laughter from those simply not equipped to handle so much secondhand embarrassment.  The bit about DJ’s third overdose that Ava helped Deborah rework late after last night’s show in St. Louis bombs so hard that a boomer couple gets up from the front row and walks out without paying their bill.  This unfortunate series of events then does what Deborah said weeks ago back in Las Vegas that no one could ever do:  they mess her up.  At one point towards the end of the set, Deborah actually freezes up there for a few seconds, going somewhere else entirely.  Ava watches her eyes lose focus somewhere in the middle distance, and Ava’s only thought is that she wishes Deborah would look at her instead. Deborah ends up closing the set and walking offstage to polite applause without even bothering with her final three jokes.

The green room is nothing but a worn orange velour couch, the floor length mirror Deborah made Ava lug in from the tour bus earlier that evening, and a minifridge full of Pepsi Zero.  Deborah already has her purse slung over her shoulder and refuses to make eye contact. “Listen, that was–” “Let’s just get to the bus,” Deborah interrupts, her voice tight but authoritative.  “I need to get the fuck out of here and put this middle America’s asshole of a city and it’s cretins behind me.” Ava grabs the mirror without further comment, tucking it under her arm and following Deborah out the back door.

Weed has them on the open highway in less than four minutes, every one of which Deborah spends mixing a round of martinis.  It was just the four of them again with the driver, now that Damien had flown back to Vegas to prepare for their upcoming trip back next week: it was Luna’s birthday and Deborah insisted they couldn’t possibly miss it. Ava decides for once not to push and to give Deborah a few minutes of space, kicking off her boots and slipping into the tiny bathroom to change into sweatpants. She finds Deborah at the table looking down at her hands, which are folded delicately around the base of her martini glass.  Ava slips onto the bench on the opposite side of the table where there’s another martini waiting, glass frosted and dressed with a single speared green olive. Ava takes a sip of the cocktail and waits for Deborah to make the first move, content to study the delicate lines of Deborah’s face while she’s not looking, the ones the Botox touch-ups just don’t quite fill that are worn into her skin from a lifetime of laughter. “This is exhausting,” Deborah says, finally looking up fully at Ava.  She maintains eye contact as she lifts the martini glass to her still painted lips and takes a long swallow, and all Ava can think is how quickly she can make Deborah laugh again. “Aren’t you tired of this?”  Deborah asks, before Ava can make a really corny joke about Kansas City having a regional barbeque inferiority complex. “Of showers on this tour bus?  Uh, yeah, dude.  You never leave me any hot water.” The left corner of Deborah’s lips twitch with the tiniest wry smile and Ava counts that in the win column. “Of giving me pep talks.  You can save it tonight, by the way,” Deborah adds before Ava can even try, lifting her glass and taking another long drag. “Okay.  But I’m not going to stop believing in you.  I can’t turn it off either.  And nothing matters more.  Even if it should.” It’s hit home, Ava can tell.  Deborah breaks eye contact, the moment too intimate, and steels her face to cry without moving her eyebrows. “You should just quit once we get on the gay cruise and live as you were meant to amongst your own kind.  Wild horses, and all that.” “I don’t know what that means.  But speaking of horses, we still need to watch ‘Desert Hearts.’” “Ava–” “D, you promised!” Deborah takes the olive from her drink into her mouth and throws the toothpick at Ava, hitting her in the forehead.  “Can you be serious for once?” “Definitely not.” “Why are you still doing this?” Ava doesn’t even bother to answer at first, just looks knowingly at Deborah and takes a drink.  It’s a look in which she knows hides absolutely none of the very real love she now holds for her boss.  “You know why.” “Well it can’t possibly because you love sleeping over a tanning bed.” “It’s Weed’s weed.  I get it now, Pete Wentz.” “You’re impossible.  You know that?  Answer my question:  why are you still here?  You’re certainly not helping me tell any fucking funny jokes.  If I wanted a useless Zillennial or whatever the fuck you’re calling yourself this moon cycle, I would’ve–” “I’m going to stop you right there,” Ava interrupts, because Deborah’s starting to get mean now and Ava’s just not feeling up to being the punching bag.  Not tonight.  “I’m fucking tired of this.” “Yeah, well, me too.” “No, not this,” Ava says, voice rising as she gestures generally around the bus.  “I’m tired of this,” she says, instead pointing back and forth between them.  “Of you picking fights when I try to be real with you.  Of you still running, when I thought we were done with that.” Since Deborah can’t insult her, she simply purses her lips and says nothing at all.  Ava thinks, fuck it.  She chugs the rest of her martini and holy shit that’s a lot of vodka, then smacks the glass down as hard as she possibly can without shattering it. “It’s because I love you.  Is that what you wanted to hear?  I am in love with you and I believe in you and I think you’re the funniest fucking woman this world has ever seen, sorry, Lucille.  And I know you’re going to call me a moron and say it’s a silly crush or whatever other watered down bullshit that you tell yourself to hide yourself away, but I see you, Deborah.  You can keep me at arms length or push me away with both hands and that’s okay, if that’s what you really want.” Ava pauses, chewing at the inside of her cheek and staring across the cramped table at Deborah.  When she still says nothing, Ava gives up, sliding out from  the booth.  As she moves to pass by Deborah on the way towards her bunk at the back of the bus, she pauses and leans into Deborah’s space, her lips just a breath from the shell of Deborah’s ear.  “But for the record, I don’t think that’s what you really want.” Deborah pulls in a sharp breath and for once, Ava has the last word.

[mykashg]

HACKS APPRECIATION WEEK — Day 6: Favourite Episode Episode 7, Tunnel of Love dir. Desiree Akhavan

I could make a genuine case for at least 5 episodes being my favourite, easlily, but Tunnel of Love has a special place on my heart. The build up to it and they pay off it delivers on it so satisfying. 

Where do I even begin? 

Firstly, it’s the way that we see the backstory build for DJ and Deborah, particularly from D’Jlwry and New Eyes reach a critical mass in the dinner table scene which is a contended for my favourite scene in the whole show but is absolutely in the top 5. It’s is a masterclass in revealing information to the audience, and again, we go on that journey with Ava and she is perfectly primed to watch them both getting triggered and lashing out and understanding exactly why it is happening the way it is but not being able to stop it. 

The way Deborah immediately regrets what she says but couldn’t stop herself, because not only is there so much unprocessed trauma but it is so raw from telling Ava the truth. The way Ava looks are her when DJ walks away from the table and no one else can meet her gaze, can even bare to look at her. It’s also where we get Ava’s “you found someone you loves you for exactly who you are,” which is one of my favourite lines in the while show. 

We get the internal power struggle between Josefina and Damien, a wonderful layer and piece of world building. We get pukka shell necklace Marcus and more of his history with Deborah and Wilson challenging him. We understand that he has truly devoted his entire adult life to Deborah’s empire and how deeply it hurts him to be disregarded for this new blossoming dynamic with Ava. 

I love Kiki obviously, the way she talks about Luna and how she and Ava are a little duo for the entire party and the way she and Deborah greet each other absolutely brimming with genuine affection and joy. I love DJ and Aidan, the bicep flexing and the piano playing and the eloping. I love the Cornell joke, that fucking gets me everytime and I’ve been rewatching Broad City lately and the way Hannah performs Ava’s fumbling response reminds me so much of Abbi Jacobson’s delivery it’s insane. 

I even have a soft spot for Marty in this episode, I know. But the stuff with the mayor is hilarious and it’s good writing and good acting that puts you in Deborah’s shoes and you ride the toxic, bittersweet, tragic ride with her as she softens towards him this episode. I’m always touched by him looking at the picture of young DJ before Ava calls about the wedding. Listen, I don’t ship Deb/Marty (obviously) and they will never work, they could never have worked, and I’m sure that so much about their relationship has fucked with Deborah beyond belief. It’s an awful cycle of self loathing and mind games and never feeling good enough. It’s Marty’s ego getting in his own damn way. But I can’t lie, I watch the final scene in the episode and when Deborah is laughing and it’s so fucking infectious. Jean and Chris are incredible. I can’t control the smile on my face watching her, she fucking glows and it doesn’t matter that I know he fucks it all up in the morning and doesn’t have the guts to tell her the truth in the moment, the nose nuzzle fucking gets me ok? 

Speaking of kisses, didn’t think I’d forget that did you? I STILL cannot believe we got a kiss, it doesn’t matter that it was a dream, Hannah won’t let me forget that she and Jean have KISSED. I just, I’ll say it a million times and still not be able to express how much it means that they went there, that Ava is a jealous, flustered mess the entire episode and that Kiki isn’t even remotely phased at the idea of Ava being into Deborah.

I will never not lose my mind over it or the way Deb gets when Ava leaves with DJ and Aidan or the fact that Ava calls her and it just like I know you won’t want to miss this. And she doesn’t. I just get so overwhelmed thinking about how much they give to each other. 

[nightsh6de]

hannah and jean’s ability to say so much without saying anything is so fucking mind-blowing to me. like, half the time, i can’t remember the dialogue they deliver (not because it’s not brilliant i’m just dumb lol), but i sure as hell could describe their micro-expressions for hours and give an in depth analysis of just how in love ava and deborah are solely based on how hannah and jean look at each other in those emotion-fueled scenes. and jesus christ don’t get me started on the way they look at each other when the other person isn’t looking like agshwhjdksk avadeb brainrot is now my only personality trait tbh they have me in their vice grip i cannot wiggle free

[sapphicscholar]

Chapter Preview:

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Deborah snaps across the office at Ava.

“I don’t know! A lot, probably!” The lack of sleep has made Ava twitchy and irritable, and she swings from a gut-deep paranoia about waking surrounded by flames to an all-consuming rage at the injustice that is everyone and everything around her.

“Well snap out of it.” Deborah straightens her blazer and ever so slightly adjusts the angle of her monitor, no longer looking at Ava. “It’s annoying.”

“I’m sorry we can’t all just settle back in and act like everything’s fine and dandy when someone at the government literally burned down an entire fucking building trying to bury evidence.” Ava’s pacing now. That’s her life these days. Nothing but frantic steps leading nowhere, manic energy eating itself alive.

“Lower your voice,” Deborah growls, slamming her chair back and stalking across the room into Ava’s space. “Are you trying to get us killed?”

“I’m trying to get to the truth!” Deborah’s so close now. Ava can see the flecks of green and hazel in her eyes. She thinks back to the way Deborah’s lips had gone soft and plaint beneath her own and feels want threading its way through the anger.

“There is no truth if you’re not alive to find it.”

[mollrat101]

The new information we’ve learned about Deborah and Marty this season has really re-framed so much for me about them. 

You’re going to have to excuse below where I. express. sympathy. for. Marty???? It’s really weird, I’m sorry but like I said this info has made me re-think everything. 

First off, I think what we’re seeing from Marty...is that he’s finally moving on from Deborah. Marty says he would’ve given Deborah the Palmetto stage if she had just asked, and I don’t think he’s lying. He could be though. I think he’s done playing games with her. They seem to enjoy fucking each other over more than actually fucking (well, on Deb’s part) but I think he’s done. 

I think part of why I think this is clearly him not dating younger women shocks everyone, so maybe Marty is changing. Not necessarily as in like a better person, but you know change. 

He hasn’t lost his mind, Deb. I think he’s just tired. 

It’s weird to think that maybe, all this time with the younger women, Marty was fueled by heartbreak over Deb. That her rejecting him continued to sting, but he couldn’t stay away from her...until now. Him moving on with a woman his age, Victoria, seems to me like signifying that he’s moving on. 

Don’t know if it’s relevant that he’s yet again chosen another woman who loves art but this time not the kind Deborah would pick. I think him choosing an age-appropriate partner might say that Marty isn’t just interested in status anymore but also of being with someone he can imagine growing old with. Maybe I’m overstating this because, after all, this man has been married and divorced several times. I still don’t think Marty is a good person and I stand by what I said. 

It just seems interesting to me that Marcus and Deborah make fun of Marty for choosing younger women and now that he’s chosen an older woman...they still make fun of him. But Deborah rejected his proposal, so basically nothing that Marty did would’ve been right to them. 

And may I also remind them that *ahem* you two are the ones who are still single? 

You may not like Marty’s partners, but at least he’s taking a chance. They can safely make fun of him without themselves ever having to risk anything. That’s a thing between the two of them, isn’t it? Feeling smugly superior to others as a unit, not willing to admit they’re frightened of putting their real selves out there. 

(I cannot believe I just threw shade at Deb and Marcus on Marty’s behalf, but it had to be done. Just because I love these characters doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to criticize them.) 

I don’t think it’s true that Marty wasn’t serious about his proposal to Deb, I think she just believed that because it frightened her too much. Marty tells her you should have just asked, and it doesn’t feel like they’re talking about the stage. Marty, understandably, was probably too hesitant to ever ask Deborah again. But at anytime, Deborah could’ve reconsidered. 

But she never said anything. At any point, Marty probably would’ve said yes. She said it was about her business but, after a certain point, it’s just an excuse. She’s scared. She’s scared to trust someone again after what happened with Frank. Look at Marcus and Wilson. It wasn’t the business, Marcus got scared. 

But I think Marty is finally done waiting. 

And, you know, in a weird way I like this. It reframes it so that you understand Deb isn’t a victim in this relationship. Which was a big theme this season. She keeps acting wounded that Marty rebuffs her, despite knowing he would accept her if she asked. But she won’t ask. 

Ava wasn’t wrong when she said it’s Deborah’s fault she’s so lonely. A man wanted to be with her and she said no. Deb has to take responsibility for that. 

Now, just to be super clear, I’m not saying that’s what Deborah should’ve done. I don’t actually think a marriage between Deborah and Marty would’ve ended well. He would’ve gotten pissed about how obsessively she works. He doesn’t understand her dreams. It would’ve likely ended in disaster. He’s a bit too much like Frank, in all the bad ways. The things he’s done wrong to Deborah are gross and I don’t want to erase that (especially the sexual harassment/borderline assault). 

I’m just saying that Deborah doesn’t have anyone to blame but herself if she’s sad about Marty getting married. I don’t think she really wants to be married to him, she just likes the idea. 

Her days of using Marty as a crutch seem to be numbered. Now she’s going to have to figure out what to do with her love life on her own. Luckily, FedEx Casper (whatever we’re calling him) showed her a path. Ava talked to Deb about compulsory heterosexuality. 

If Deborah wants something different, she’s going to have to examine herself. I don’t think Deb’s exploration of her sexuality is over yet. Like I said, my hope next season is we get to see more of Deborah, the person. Including, Deborah as a romantic partner. But unlikely with Marty, that ships seems pretty much sailed. 

[soulofacircus]

Okay, so I finally got to watch 7 and 8 and here's my thoughts/feelings

7 was a fun episode, but I swear that moment Josephina looks directly at Ava when she says "I usually wait till I know someone is sticking around" got me right in the feels. The look on Ava's face, the four of them sat around together it was such a sense of family, even if Damion said he didn't want to bond, mate, to late! hahah. Love them.

8. Well, what can I say about 8 that hasn't already been said? and much more better than I could ever. So I'll keep it simple,

I really love Ava and Marcus's new relationship with each other, them laughing together, Marcus looking out for her instead of just being about the money regarding the house, but seriously, dude KNOWS about Ava's love for Deb. Deborah telling Ava to take the job, I mean, it was a given because Deb in her own way has always pushed her, "they make each other better". I did really like Ava taking the moment to speak to Deb about it though, it shows growth. Ava turning up! perfect and honestly, I'd of been upset if she hadn't, you could just see Deb light up.

I said this to @sapphicscholar, but I honestly really loved that Deborah on stage for the special was Deb. No glitz no glam, just Deb, her own hair, black clothes, like she's morning her past stand ups. (Perfect)

Also! thanks for DJ finally realising Deb wasn't a bad mum! I mean, it's one of the things that has grated on me in both seasons. So I really loved that lil moment.

And of course the ending, Deborah in THAT dress, the speech, the WINK! the realisation that Ava is now being wooed by networks. Deborah is of course going to push Ava away, she love her, wants her to fucking be her own legend! The balcony scene (I admit I didn't cry) was lovely, Ava's "I want to be with you, where you are" was just GAH!. Deb's "You're just like me" the moving of the hair, the caressing of the cheek. THE LOOKS. Don't tell me they don't love each other. Don't tell me they ain't gay for each other.

And of course the end scene. The disappointment in Ava when the lawsuit gets dropped because she was going to see Deb!!! Fucking got me fam, right here in my feels. But her watching Deborah's QVC.... it's not over folks, not even close.

Even if we don't get a season 3, I'm okay with the ending. It's hopeful, and lesbihonest, we're fanpeeps, we live on hope.

Besides, our beautiful fic writers will always give us the ending we all want! (Also! shout out to Jimmy and Kala, they were super fucking awesome. Specially Jimmy and I adore that Deb stayed with him.)

[cdyssey]

Hacks (1.09) Reactions:

I thought it’d be fun to do half incoherent write ups for the s1 finale episodes ☺️

Ava lying about a doctor’s appointment to catch her flight… this is not gonna end well. 😭😭

“But do me a favor. Will you stay off WebMD? It’s bad for your personality.” This is the fucking funniest show.

“Great. Love you, bye!” And Deborah looks up and stares at Ava as she runs off. Oh, my fucking godddd. The first “I love you” between them and it’s so beautifully casual, like it’s something that Ava has said to her a thousand times before.

Deb at Marty about embarrassing herself: “Oh, well, thanks for looking out for me, you condescending piece of shit.” get his ass!!!

They did a really job of casting Ruby. There’s a lot of chemistry between her and Ava. You can sense the history between them.

Deb so nervous and worked up about the new set that she hasn’t eaten. ;w;

Ruby notices that something is different about Ava, and Ava says she’s happy.

Ooough, Ava being caught by the subletter, and Marcus is on the other end of the line. Jesus, this isn’t gonna be good.

“His job is just a series of high-cholesterol lunches.” FJSKSKSSN

Now’s as good as of a time as any to mention this—this season has done a remarkable job of showing the subtle tensions between Deborah’s various employees. There was Damien and Josefina in the kitchen during DJ’s party. And slowly but surely, we’ve watched Marcus grow increasingly discomfited at possibly being edged out by Ava.

Like their ambitious boss, they’re all jostling for their positions in the hierarchy—to be number one, to be the person Deborah relies on. Jealousies emerge, and that feels so real and painful and human.

Ava walking with so much confidence to her interview is nice. Such a huge change from her pathetic loser girl status at the start of the season fjskjdmsks.

Deb wanting Ava to come over now, and Ava making up a lie about bloodwork. Girllllll.

“You’ve been through way worse than silence, Deborah.” 😭

Ava: “Trust me.” / Deborah: “Okay, okay. I do.” Sobbing. OH, GOD, and this on the heels of Marcus questioning Ava’s trustworthiness.

MARCUS TRYING TO SABOTAGE WOWWW. OH, GOD. MY GUT IS HURTING. I LOVE ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS SM

“Okay, I’m getting my pussy waxed.” ALALWOQOFODKSKSOQA

Oh, jesus christ. The interviewers reveal the subject of the show, and Ava’s face immediately falls, and she’s immediately defensive because she’s gotten to KNOW Deb.

And she’s not a “crazy bitch.”

She’s someone that she loves.

And so she blows up this job to defend Deborah, even though Deborah is about to fucking find out that she was in LA in the first place. My Stomach is in Knots.

Ava tripping and her diva cup falling out of her bag after she tries to power walk away is perfect. Yeah

DON’T ANSWER THE JIMMY CALL NO

I’M SICK

FUCKING SICK

the heaviness in Deborah’s face. She trusted Ava, and trust does not come easily to her at all

“Actually, you made light of my dandruff problem and told me to fuck off, so we really don’t have to go there.” ALALAOSJSK

“And when you share a sense of humor with someone, it’s like finding someone who speaks your own, you know, private little language. And you make each other better. But his ambition got in the way, and he left me, and I was so scared because I thought I needed someone else and that I would never find anyone like him ever again.” HACKS WRITERS, GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

SHE’S TALKING ABOUT HER EX-HUSBAND AND CLEARLY THINKING ABOUT AVA

Stand-up not being scary to Deb because no one can disappoint her. :((

“Isn’t that a little lonely, though?” / “It’s just true.”

FUCK ME

I’M SO???

I’M

Deborah in the kitchen, her apron bloodied, as she filets a fish… and it takes you back to earlier in the season as she fishes quietly on the pier while Ava watches her late night show. And that moment was important because it was the first time Ava really connected to Deborah’s humor, when she discovered that Deborah makes her laugh.

Goddamn.

(Also, something, something about Deb having a lot of practical skills that I really appreciate—fishing, cooking, etc. it would have been super easy to make her helpless about those sorts of things, but giving her that touch of competence helps to ground her, I think. Makes her feel more real.)

Deb pretending like everything is okay, and Ava continuing to lie—god god god—while Marcus is surprised to see Ava still by Deb’s side in the kitchen. So many unspoken dynamics and tensions here.

Deborah’s hatchet comes down SO hard, and it’s silent condemnation.

It’s a taste of what’s to come for what can only be a fraught and emotionally painful finale.

FUCK ME, this show is good

[nakedmonkey]

"I want you" (preferably from Deb) for Deb/Ava in an angsty way! Thank you so much.

Of all the things that have ever happened to Ava at 2 in the morning, this is by far the least expected thing that has ever happened to her. Like. If she were a betting woman, getting a call from a drunk Deborah Vance, would not be a thing she would bet on. She would expect a call from her dead father before she would expect this.

That it happens while Ava herself is drunk off her ass on top-shelf liquor from some industry party that turned out kinda of fun, is especially like, cosmically hilarious, because she's been pretty sober for a while. She says (slurs) this to Deborah when she picks up.

Deborah, who has been MIA for close to a year now, dares to sound annoyed by this.

"Jesus," she sighs. "I would like to have just one conversation with you that doesn't turn into you monologuing incessantly for hours."

There's an apology hanging off the tip of Ava's tongue but she reels it back in and instead lets her anger take over in the form of a loud, bitter laugh.

"Queen Deborah Vance, everybody!" She exclaims at her empty living room and takes a couple of breaths before continuing. "Are you drunk-dialing me just to berate me? Or is there an actual point to this conversation? Because I have to be up early."

"Wow, things have changed."

"What do you want, Deborah?"

There's silence then. A sort of gradient one that comes when someone wants to say something, but they just can't. There's the sound of shuffling, or sniffling, and what Ava things is ice clinking against glass, and she clings to that, her anger dissipating against her better judgement.

"Deborah?" Ava says. Her voice is gentler now, more forgiving, and part of her hates it. She wishes she wasn't so fucking weak. "What do you want?"

"I don't know," Deborah finally says. "I guess--I guess I want you. Here, I mean. I wish you were here."

Ava's heart is racing, or slowing down, she's not sure which.

"That's not what you said at first."

Deborah sighs again. This time, her frustration doesn't seem to be directed at Ava, but rather, at herself.

"Look, I uh--I shouldn't have called you like this--"

"No, no, no," Ava cuts in quickly. "No, don't do that. Okay? Maybe you shouldn't have called like this, but you did. You fucked up. You called me. So, now what?"

Ava listens for the sound of the call ending, or for Deborah to tell her to go fuck herself, or something equally horrible. Instead though, she hears an intake of breath, and then:

"Okay," Deborah says. Another sigh, and then. "Okay."

[ludling]

I know I said I would wait...but Hacks s02e03 and 04 thoughts under the cut...

Look, it definitely gets a bit better than the first two eps, and there was quite a few moments where I really laughed out loud...but they were like little boats (ships lol)  in a sea of unfortunate continued okay-ness

The Good

1. I fucking love Weed so much. I hope she’s not gone for good, because I feel like her character has been chiefly played for laughs, without the opportunity of real depth every other side-character got last season. She ate some of D’s night cream cause she thought it was dip. COME ON.

2. The lesbian cruise was inspired and holy shit LPJ have been reading our fics...it’s embarrassing..but also... there were so many moments I actually hollered out loud. DEB GIVING AVA A MANICURE?!!!!??? I mean I don’t wanna say queer-baiting, but if that’s how they’re gonna do it, I’m fine with it. I liked how it all went well for Deborah, until her internalised misogyny bit her in the ass. I like that she wingmanned for Ava and considered where she stands sexually with Ava’s help. Loved that for both of them.

3. I enjoyed the moment where D turns the bus around and then gets in the dumpster with Ava. Like you can’t even pretend you hate her for longer than five minutes. That’s true love baby.

4. Same with how she essentially flirted with the young female comic to make Ava jealous. ‘What beautiful hands you have’???? I mean COME ON.

The Bad

1. The pacing continues to be whack. Like everything feels like it’s been condensed to the barest emotional beats. One minute they’re in the dumpster kind of okay again, the next they’re at the grand canyon? I feel like a little more emotional warm-up would have made that moment so much weightier.

The first season was this lovely slow immersion into Deborah and her Vegas world. Everything took time, and felt incredibly earned. Nothing in season two has felt like that so far, and honestly that is my biggest issue with it.

2. I loathed it when Deborah started singing, and the cruise audience sang along with her. It feels like another tedious example of Girlboss!Vance, and not like something that would organically happen.

3. Damian should have more scenes.

4. Marcus should have less scenes. I think he’s fine, but I think the writers give his boring-ass character way too much screen-time, when they could be focusing on Weed, or Damian, or DJ, or literally anyone else. But then, historically, I am a Marcus-hater so this point might truly be personal.

Anyway, those are my thoughts, I’m not going to even pretend that more hot-takes aren't coming next Thursday.

The one nice element to all of this is that the second season being this mediocre, actually makes me feel like getting back to work on my multi-chapter Hacks WIP, which I thought S2 would make completely obsolete. So there is that.

[jennamacaroni]

prompt list, angst #9:  “You’re safe here, I got you.”

(lol this is most def not angst sry)  this idea came from an off-the-cuff sentence on gchat from @mmbopjen today when we were saying we need more scenes of ava, deb, and dj together.  also happy birthday to @amatterofcomplication !!!!  and body autonomy for all!

Deborah’s phone starts ringing in the middle of the night, the screen the only light in the pitch darkness.  Ava groans, attempting to roll over towards the disruption, but one or maybe both of the dogs are sandwiched between her and Deborah in the bed.  Ava reaches blindly over the warm fluffy body still snoring into her shoulder blade and pokes at whatever part of Deborah she can reach.

“What?” Deborah asks, voice sleep-scratched.

“Are you not hearing your phone ringing?  I thought I taught you how to use ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

Deborah mumbles something incoherent, then slips her head completely under her pillow to dampen the sound.

“D!  The phone!” Ava whines, managing to turn completely around and propping up on one elbow.  Barry voices his displeasure as he’s finally woken up, rolls on his back and stretches out, exposing his belly and peering at Ava expectantly.  “Not time for belly rubs, buddy,” she says, squinting at the phone, but it’s too far away to read.

The ringing stops when it finally hits voicemail, but starts up again immediately, this time lighting up Ava’s phone and playing the Rocky theme.

“Aidan?” It takes a second to sink in why he could possibly be calling at this hour, but then Ava is scrambling for her phone.  “Oh fuck!  Deborah, get up!” Ava shouts, sitting all the way up against the headboard and taking the call.

“What the fuck is it?” Deborah asks, emerging from under the pillow, squinting at Ava who is bathed in the soft blue light of the iPhone screen.  She’s got those under eye patches on that make her look like a sad clown.

“Aidan!” Ava shouts, pressing the screen once again, this time to put it on speaker.  “Is it happening?”

“Your impending murder?” Deborah asks, still lost as to what the hell is going on.  She shushes and coos at the dogs, who are suddenly restless and climbing all over her, licking at her face.

“The baby, you asshole!” Ava says, reaching to swat gently at Deborah’s shoulder.

“She’s coming!” Aidan says across the line, his voice brimming with pride and excitement.  There’s muffled noises in the background:  beeping of machines, shuffling of footsteps, and hushed voices.  Then DJ is there, screaming bloody murder.  “DJ is doing great so far and the nurses think she’s pretty close–”

“Babe, get the FUCK over here and hold my GOD DAMN HAND!” DJ screams, and Ava’s cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling so widely.  They’ve all come so far from that night in the drive through wedding chapel.

Deborah is finally sitting up too and she reaches for the remote on her nightstand, switching on the overhead lighting.  There are already tears in her eyes, and Ava’s fill at the sight as they look at each other across their respective sides of the bed.  Though this journey started off badly with DJ over a bowl of chicken pot pie, they’re in a totally different place these days.  Deborah’s been low-key buzzing over the idea of a grandchild ever since DJ told her the good news:  that their last-ditch IVF cycle actually worked, and now the time is finally here.  That miracle baby is about to meet the world, and Deborah and Ava better get moving if they want to be there for it.

Deborah breaks every speed limit on their way across town and skids so hard in the hospital drop-off that she leaves tire marks on the pavement.  Ava promises not to scratch the car when she parks it as she offers Deborah a hand and pulls her out of the driver’s seat, slipping into the warm leather Deborah’s left behind.

Fourth floor.  Deborah texts, as Ava finds an empty spot in the garage and throws the Rolls into park.  Right out of the elevator and down the hall, the waiting room is on the right.  A few seconds later, another message comes through that makes Ava warm all over:  Got you a coffee.  It��s horrible, as expected.  No oat milk.

It’s another hour in the waiting room, Ava scrolling mindlessly through various apps on her phone while Deborah reads the latest edition of the New Yorker, then starts on that day’s New York Times, cover to cover as per usual.

“You should save that,” Ava says, nodding to the paper after Deborah finishes and puts the sections back together in order.  “It’s a big day.”

Deborah smiles, soft and sweet, and tucks it away into her purse.

And then Aidan is there, clad in a pair of cerulean scrubs, hair and beard nets, and sterile booties stretched tight over his sneakers.  He’s wearing one of those disposable surgical masks, but Ava can tell he’s smiling, ear-to-ear.

She beats Deborah to her feet and before she knows it, her own are off the ground as Aidan spins her two full rotations.

“She’s perfect,” he says, lowering Ava back to the ground, his hands moving to grip both of her shoulders.  He squeezes hard enough that Ava knows there will be bruises tomorrow in the shapes of his finger tips.

“Congratulations, Dad,” Deborah says, reaching to hug him first for once.  She even lets it go on longer than usual, Aidan crying tears of joy into Deborah’s neck.

Ava feels the love she has for this family radiate down to her very bones.

“You guys ready to meet her?” Aidan asks, finally pulling back from Deborah’s arms and swiping at his watery eyes.  Deborah nods, breathing deep to collect herself before reaching for Ava’s hand and lacing their fingers together.

They follow Aidan to a large private room that’s basically bigger than Ava’s LA condo, because of course, and there is DJ, propped up in the bed and staring down at a swaddled bundle of blankets in her arms.  She looks exhausted but exhilarated, hair sweaty and plastered to her face, and she only just barely tears her eyes away from the baby when they all enter.

“Mom and baby are perfect,” the nurse says, meeting them at the door and squirting all their hands with sanitizer before she leaves the room.

“She was a fucking rockstar,” Aidan gushes, stepping to DJ’s side and pressing a kiss to her hairline.  Ava follows as Deborah approaches the other side of the bed.  Deborah kisses her own fingertips, then presses them to DJ’s temple.

“Congratulations, honey,” Deborah says, peering down at the tiny pink and scrunchy sleeping face peeking out of the blankets.  “She’s beautiful.  Just like her mom.”

“And her Granny,” Aidan adds, winking at Deborah.

“Mmm we’ll talk about what she can call me later.”  No way in hell is Deborah a ‘Granny,’ Ava thinks, that’s for damn sure.  “Is that–”

“Red hair?  Sure is.  A full head of it, just like her dad.”

DJ presses the softest kiss to the baby’s forehead, then wordlessly offers her up to Deborah, who takes her oh so gently into the cradle of her arms, then bounces softly from foot to foot, rocking her gently.

“God, I remember you at this age,” Deborah whispers, trying in vain to hold back her tears, eyes only for the baby.  “The set of lungs on you, I swear you kept even the neighbors up.  They practically ran us out of the place.”

“What’s her name?” Ava asks, her arm snaking around Deborah’s waist as she leans into Deborah’s shoulder, peering down over it.  Ava thinks most newborns look like wrinkled old potatoes, but this one is surprisingly cute.

“Haven’t decided yet,” says DJ, looking to Aidan and then back to her own mother.

“I’m really proud of you, DJ,” Deborah says eventually, looking over at her daughter who looks like she can’t quite believe this moment is here and really happening.  Ava is stupidly proud of them both.

After a few minutes, Deborah turns to Ava.  “Your turn.”

“Oh no.  Me?  No, I think I’m best just admiring from afar.”

“What?!” Deborah asks, beckoning her closer with a nod of her head.  “Get over here, you clown.  You’re part of this family.”

“What if I–”

“You’re not going to drop her, christ.  Just pretend you’re holding Barry if you have to.”

“You know he hates when I hold him.”

But before Ava can step back further, Deborah is there, showing her the right way to hold her arms and passing her the warm lumpy bundle of blankets.  And okay, it’s not so bad.  She looks down into the tiny face, admiring the nose smaller than a button, and the teeny tiny eyelashes.

“You’re safe here,” Ava whispers, “I got you.”

Suddenly, the baby’s eyes are blinking open, dark pools of black staring back at her.

“Hi, D3.  Welcome to the world.  It’s mostly an end-stage capitalist hellscape that will surely be half under water from human-driven climate change by the time you’re grown–”

“Ava, please,” Deborah chides.  “Save it for at least today, would you?”

“But wait until you learn how much generational wealth you’re going to inherit.”

“Ava!”

“We can talk about it later,” Ava whispers, leaning in close and pressing the softest kiss to the baby’s forehead, “but we’re all really happy you’re here.”

“D3?” Aidan asks, looking lost.

“The Mighty Ducks,” Ava answers, “only one of the best trilogies of all time.  And, ya know, Deborah, Deborah Junior… just seemed right.”

Day breaks over the horizon just as the baby starts to cry, Ava taking that as her cue to pass her back to DJ.  They spend the next hour together in that giant hospital room, the Vance clan all together and finally complete.  Ava basks in the comfort, in this happiness, that after everything they made it here:  Deborah in the shitty hospital chair by her side, reaching for her hand.

Because sometimes a family is a seventy year old woman, her twenty-six year old partner, their forty-something year old daughter, her husband, and a brand new grandbaby.

And fuck is it perfect.

[mykashg]

Can I ask for another one? #59 please!

Prompt: "You are very endearing when you are half-asleep.” in combination with “You’re comfy.” Both requested by @soulofacircus as well.

The show tonight had been promising, there was a buzz, an electricity with the crouwd that Deborah could honestly say she hadn't felt in decades. And when they get back to the tour bus, they are both so overtired it's bleeding into hyper activity. At least for Ava, whose mind seems to be going at a million miles per minute with joke amendments and restructuring the act until Deborah encourages (or rather gives her permission, because drugs have definitely been a sore spot since the email debacle) to have a weed gummy and zen the fuck out. Before she knows it, they're in bed watching re-runs of Law & Order.

And maybe it's the fact the show went so well or that the tour is gaining momentum or maybe it's the longing voice inside of herself that is buried deep, deep, deep that she is trying, trying, trying to keep quiet but Deborah doesn't mind really when Ava's head finds its way first to her shoulder and then to her chest. She looks down and watches as Ava's head rises and falls with every breath she takes and makes sure her eyes are laser focused back on the small television they're watching from when she indulges, just for a mokent, and lets her fingers run through Ava's red hair.

Scratching her scalp lightly and Ava just sighs contently in response and nuzzles against her, "You're comfy."

Deborah pauses, soaks this moment in for a few seconds longer, and then gently readjusts herself. "Maybe for you, but I have to lie down properly or else my back will be wrecked until we get home next week."

Home.

Ava grumbles, limbs heavy, and slowly starts to get up and go back to her own bunk. Which is smaller and more cramped then Deborah's and they're practically the same height so really she's just being generous when she says, " You don't have to go. Just--" Deborah fluffs her pillows and lies down in a more comfortable position and Ava doesn't respond verbally. She just slumps down haphazardly, eyes closed and so, so close to Deborah.

Facing her this time and her hair is covering her face. Deborah lets herself brush it back behind her ear gently, lets her fingers trace the side of Ava's jaw before pulling back, "Feels nice," Ava mumbles.

“You're very endearing when you are half-asleep.”

Ava doesn't reply, her breathing getting deeper and more consistent.

"Goodnight, Ava."

"G'night, D. Love you."

Deborah stills. She doesn't know if she can trust it. But it's there. Lingering beneath the surface of every moment they share, every banter filled exchange, every argument, every joke.

It's there.