#the way deborah looks at ava ... fuck

[sapphicscholar]

A/N: I’m posting teasers of all the collection fics on Twitter and Bluesky and will make a master list sorted by length or rating over here tomorrow, but for now I’ll share my own 5+1 canon-divergence fic of 5 messy, unsatisfying, and sometimes downright bad sexual encounters between Ava and Deborah + the 1 time they finally get it right

Fic Preview:

1.

The annoyance that bubbles up from somewhere deep in Ava’s gut at the sight of Deborah emerging out of the fucking bowels of the Palmetto is wholly expected. The flare of something hotter throws her off kilter. Deborah looks disheveled in a way she rarely does, weird little kaftan hanging half off one of her shoulders and whisps of blonde hair fluttering around her face and looking so perfectly soft. Ava wants to touch them, maybe let them fall through her fingers. Fuck, she should never have let George talk her into the molly. It always makes her a little too giddy, a little too agreeable, a little too into bad ideas with pretty blue eyes.

“Deborah?” Ava asks because she thinks one of the many powders that went up her nose must’ve gotten stuck to the filter between her brain and her mouth.

“Ava?” Deborah sways into Ava’s line of vision. At first, Ava’s worried that the stupid novelty cup margaritas were a bad idea, but then she realizes that she is, in fact, standing perfectly still, and it’s Deborah who is stumbling and weaving her way forward. “Wow.” The word is stretched into a million-and-one syllables, and Ava’s too curious about where this is all headed to call her on it (yet). “I…” Deborah’s gaze lazily drifts up and down Ava’s bare legs. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not wearing pants. What? Did somebody die?” The words are clear enough, but their edges slur together, and if it was supposed to be an insult, it’s not landing. Not with the way Deborah’s eyes still haven’t left Ava’s body.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Don't read this. You've been warned.

SO THIS IS WHAT MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCKING DEPRIVE THE FEMALE LEAD OF SCREENTIME OVER THIS NEW COMPLETELY FUCKING UNNECESSARY CHARACTER LIKE THIS MPDG

Full article in the RB notes

AFTER THIS:

IF YOU WANTED TO SHOW US WHAT HIS PERSONAL LIFE LOOKED LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP HE NEEDED TO FUCKING ATTEMPT WAS NOT OUTSIDE WORK!!! FUCK YOU, ALL! YOU TOO, CALO!

HACKS'LOVE STORY IS PERFECTLY WRITTEN AND THE FANS ARE NEVER GASLIGHTED, THEIR INTELLIGENCE IS NOT INSULTED ON A PERMANENT BASIS. THEY ARE NOT SPOONFED EITHER, THE BALANCE EXISTS AND YOU COULDN'T FUCKING WRITE IT, YOU WENT FOR THE FUCKING CLICHÉ INSTEAD:

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED:

And don't get me wrong, I ADORE JEAN, I LOVE HACKS and I even have a blog exclusively dedicated to that show I am a fan of, so having watched all 3 seasons and believing in it from day 1, IK exactly what I'm talking about. Lucia is nailing the love story because she has the ovaries to tell it, and doesn't use her writing, direction, and executive production efforts to gaslight those who tune in to see how Deborah & Ava's love story unfold. She even writes other characters who play love interests for both but does not string that along, it has a beginning a middle, and an end because she ALWAYS SUPPORTS THE ENDGAME COUPLE NARRATIVE, SHE DOESN'T TRY TO PUSH ANOTHER BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHY THE AUDIENCE TUNES IN AND RESPECTS THAT.

And I don't think that at this point I have to make a stronger case about how much I fucking worship Sydney Adamu and will always defend her, but hey! being truthful, objective, and realistic is MY way of protecting her. Unpopular opinion? Maybe. Do I give a fuck? HAHAAAAAAAAAA GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!

So, Deborah's character is a lot more complex than Sydney's.

Deborah re-discovers her sexuality and re-defines herself as she falls in love with a subordinate and rebuilds her career after everyone left her for dead in the dust of it, and turns a cancelation around at the age of 100 years old in a world that is no longer the world she knew and made her bitch, which made her filthy rich but also cost her EVERYTHING.

Sydney, on the other hand, is this nuanced character, with a dead mom we know NOTHING ABOUT, a potentially recovered alcoholic father we know nothing about either, a past we know almost nothing about, a love life and sexuality we can guess but WE KNOW NOTHING ABOUT EITHER, with a "platonic romance with a white boy who gave her his life long dream and heart on a fucking plate" THAT NO ONE WANTS TO FUCKING EXPLORE BECAUSE THEY TRY TO SHOVE THIS MPDG WHITE GIRL CHARACTER DOWN OUR FUCKING THROATS and a bunch of other motherfucking layers that remain completely unwritten and off-screen. No screen time whatsoever for character development in S2 for Sydney, BUT THIS ONE? I EVEN HAD TO PUT UP WITH HER MOTHERFUCKING ASS!!!

So summing up: This award was taken from Ayo, not won by Jean, because Jean had a whole team having her back, Ayo was RELEGATED BY HER OWN TEAM TO PRIORITIZE A FUCKING MPDG UNNECESSARY WHITE CHARACTER, AND IF I COULD FUCKING SUE THE RESPONSIBLE ONES, FOR THIS, I 10000% WOULD.

FUCK YOU, ALL AT DISNEY WHO LET THIS HAPPEN AND DON'T EVEN GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON S3, THE NEXT AWARD SEASON WILL BE EVEN WORSE BECAUSE WE HAVE BEEN LOUD AND CLEAR FOR 2 FUCKING YEARS NOW, BUT STORER AND APPARENTLY DISNEY DON'T FUCKING LISTEN AND THEN THIS HAPPENS:

[cdyssey]

Hacks (1.10) Reactions:

the dedication being to jean’s late husband ;-;

God, Deborah edging Ava out of the schedule but not confronting her.

lol, the fact that deb has apparently served dj

“… because if you don’t want me to do this show I won’t.” Deborah genuinely asking DJ is such a good moment. DJ has spent so much of her life having to be subject to what her mother thinks best.

God, that beat after DJ makes Deborah genuinely laugh—she soaks in that moment, clearly proud and a little awed to have caused it. As we’ve seen with both Ava and Marcus, when you’re in Deborah’s spotlight, it is the most magical place in the world.

The Jimmy/Kayla dynamic isn’t quite working for me atm… her actress is great, but I need kayla to grow up just a little.

(heard they get more complex as the seasons go on, though!)

jfc, Deb doesn’t believe Ava about her dad because of the previous lies.

Deb doesn’t confront her, but Deb doesn’t look at her either. God. This drama is so fucking good.

“I don’t really think about you.” / “Yeah, right, lady. You do think about me. And I think about you. It’s called a human relationship. And sorry, but we have one.” OH, MY FUCKING GOD

“No one’s allowed to communicate honestly with you. And if they do, you either shut them out or push them away, or, I-I don’t know, hit them with your car.”

THIS IS SOME FUCKING GOOD FOOD

“This is my life!” JEAN SMART, THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE!!!!!

“Does KFC want you to be the new Colonel Sanders?” GNDNFNSNDN, cold

“You are a fucking hack.” / [Deborah slaps her.]

OH MY GOD, DID THAT JUST HAPPEN

DID THAT JUST FUCKING HAPPEN

THIS IS THE MOST INSANE CONVERSATION FUCKING EVER

The tangible silence after that—the tears in Ava’s eyes, the immediate regret in Deborah’s. All of their punches have been verbal until this exact moment, but now a new line has been crossed, and it can never be taken back.

“I’ll trade you a Xanny for a cigarette.” Lol

AVA’S REVENGE. OH, GOD GIRL. STAY AWAY FROM YOUR PHONE WHEN YOU’RE DRINKING

Kiki is so hot.

Deborah taking responsibility with Marcus… but only because Ava is out of the picture. Hhhhhhhhhgh.

MARCUS CEO AND 10% RAISE!!! OH, HE DESERVES IT

The tears in his eyes and voice. Carl Clemons-Hopkins is such a good actor. He’s brough Marcus to life in such beautiful ways.

“‘Cause you’re already in a relationship. With Deborah.” WOOF. Yeah. And the use of “relationship” takes us back to Ava and Deb in the dressing room, firmly hammering it in home that Marcus and Ava are two sides of the same coin

THE TIMES COVER.

I THINK SHE WILL.

XOXO

I’M CRYING

Deb getting a standing ovation upon entry 😭😭😭😭 yeah, that’s right. That mother

SHE’S GONNA USE THE NEW MATERIAL

SHE WORE THE STILETTOS BECAUSE THE PAIN IS WORTH IT

THIS GODDAMN SHOW

jfc Ava’s dad is dead. 😭 She never got to see him again after moving to LA.

The environmental detail in Ava’s childhood bedroom is peak. Ofc, she has mean girls and twilight magazine covers

“I gotta be up before Kelly Ripa’s day is done.” Deborah is in her head.

I’m going to be nuts over them. I am going to climb the freakin’ walls

This argument with Ava’s mom feels so fucking real, down to it casually ending with, “Do you want some coffee?” as though they just get out of a devastating fight about everything that has historically made their relationship dysfunctional

DEBORAH AT THE FUNERAL

I’M WEEPING

IN A FUR COAT AND EVERYTHING

“It’s exhausting to lose a loved one.” she gets it.

Deborah warming up the crowd like she would a standup. 😭 I’m not kidding, y’all. there are actually tears in my eyes.

DEB IN AVA’S CHILDHOOD BEDROOM

“Hey, shoes off.” AKAKSKJD

Ava got into comedy because it made her feel connected to people—a response to a shitty childhood

“Well, no. You can’t quit. You’re too good.” Oh, God, and that’s what gets Ava to finally cry. Because it’s not just grief, goddammit. It’s catharsis and much needed release. The show began with Ava stuck in a rut because the entire comedy world had deemed her irredeemable. At her childhood home, she was and is the lonely creature who could never quite get her parents to understand. But here and now, here’s someone telling her that she’s talented.

And that she belongs.

Deb about mostly bombing: “And I loved it…. I haven’t felt that way in years. The show didn’t work, but it will. The pieces are there. I just have to figure out how to put them together.” Ava has pushed her out of her comfort zone—into new and exciting territory. And that thrill of the unknown has made her feel more alive and passionate than she has in years

DEBORAH ON TOUR!!!

“Okay, but you really can’t hit people.” I’m so glad that Ava (and the show) doesn’t let her get away with that.

That handshake transforming into a tender hand hold is so goddamn beautiful.

Poor Marcus. He’s gotten what he wants at so high of a personal cost

AVA FUCKING SENT AN EMAIL ABOUT DEBORAH WHILE SHE WAS DRUNK

OH, GOD AND DEBORAH IS HAPPY AND OBLIVIOUS, AND IT’S JUST LIKE THE DRUNK VOICEMAIL ALL OVER AGAIN.

ALSO, AVA SITTING NEXT TO DEB ON THE JET WHEN DEB USED TO NOT LET HER. BUT NOW THEY’RE ON EVEN GROUND TOGETHER, EXCEPT THEY’RE NOT BECAUSE THERE’S APPARENTLT AN EMAIL

FUCK ME!!

okay, not to be hyperbolic, but that was one of the best first seasons of television that I have ever consumed in my life

[nakedmonkey]

always keen for deb/ava from you happy v day 🥰 something around dj saying to deborah: " oh my god, mom! do you /love/ her?" or deborah to ava: " you little shit, come here. kneel down."

Happy V Day to you as well! Thank you for the prompt!

"Um, what the hell, mom!"

Deborah winces at the sound of DJ, loud enough from inside the house. When she makes her way to the patio, where Deborah is reading the paper, she looks thoroughly pissed.

"DJ, good morning."

"Don't 'good morning' me. Guess what I just found out!"

"I'm dying to know. What?"

"Oh, you know. Ava's little email, that's all."

Deborah sets her tea down. She was not expecting this.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're telling me this girl wrote a disgusting, though mostly true, email to some Hollywood assholes and she isn't dead in a ditch somewhere?"

Deborah rakes in a breath, tries to sound casual about it when she says with a shrug, "It was a long time ago, DJ."

"You sued me for defamation for saying I met my first coke connection at one of your shows."

"Because that was a lie! Plus, I did sue Ava. Calm down. Do you want Josefina to make you waffles?"

"Really? Carbs? Now I know you're deflecting. That was not a lie, first of all, second--wait."

DJ lets something between a laugh and a scoff out as she pulls a chair out and sits across the table from Deborah, staring intently at her.

"Mom..."

"What?"

"Oh my God, Mom!"

Deborah doesn't like the look on DJ's face, or her inflection.

"Jesus Christ, what!"

"Do you love her?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Deborah says, getting up and then leaving in a huff, but DJ is hot on her trail.

"Oh, my God, mom, wait! It's okay!"

"Shut up, DJ!" She yells back at her as she hurries up the stairs. She barely makes it into her bedroom in time to slam the door in DJ's face and she groans when she hears her say, "It's okay, mom! Love is love!"

"Fuck off, DJ!"

But DJ doesn't fuck off. DJ waits for the dust to settle, and then knocks softly on Deborah's door.

"Mom. Seriously. Can I come in?"

Deborah breathes carefully in and out. And well, DJ is the last person she thought she'd be having this conversation with, but she supposes it's as far as it can get from Ava.

"Sure, come in."

[halomisthios]

you have these two stubborn women on the opposite sides of the emotional spectrum. deborah is cold and distant, and ava is hot-headed and passionate. for deb, ava is the first worthy opponent that's challenged her point of view and insecurities, the first person to not buy her bullshit façade and deflections. she keeps pushing ava away before she can leave the same way she keeps smothering her own potential out of fear of failure. she has lost so much in her life because of her ambitions and she's finally met someone who wants to do everything she wants to do with her, and deb has no idea how to process this. she keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. when it doesn't come, she creates obstacles to fuck with their dynamic but ava sees right thru it and calls her the fuck out!

she knows what she's doing bc they've done this push and pull at least thrice now and ava is hurt. shes hurt so much because she knows how good deb is and how good they are together, and yet deb keeps getting caught in a web of doubt of her own making.

ava knows deb is lashing out out of instinct yet that doesnt soften the blow. shes watched deb grow so much in so little time and watching her regress back into false comfort is fucking frustrating and heartbreaking! ava knows deb is scared but she knows she's capable of taking a calculable risk, so why the fuck is deb refusing to put her best foot forward? why does she refuse ava an equal position when they've been going strong?

making a professional betrayal feel like an intense break-up is so delicious and loaded bc where is the line between them? ava hasn't swung back into deb's orbit and stayed for fuck-all. she's here because she's believes in their work. she believes in them.

and that freaks deborah the fuck out.

acknowledging that ava means more to her than she'd outwardly admit requires her to look back on her life through a different lens and that is fucking terrifying. it means admitting to herself that this concocted image is a farce, and being this far into it, deborah cant fathom what'd that do to her, or ava. she thinks that if she leans into the truth of the situation, ava will leave and she'll lose someone she's never met before: a twin flame. and that prospect would destroy her.

what deb fails to recognize in denying her emotions to surface, is that ava is literally and figuratively yelling at her to look at her and see how much she wants this.

late nights filled with wine and tangents and laughter. early mornings filled with coffee and headaches and warmth. stupid squabbles that always mean they float back to each other. sticky notes left around the house with jokes scribbled on them.

deborah's breaths against the back of ava's neck when she's leaning over her shoulder to look at the computer. ava's bold stare when she tells deborah something honest and deborah can't help but blush and look away.

deborah brushing her fingers against ava's cheeks when she's talking about her dad. ava holding deborah's hand when she gets off the phone with dj and won't open her eyes to see ava looking at her with one phrase on the edge of her tongue: i love you i love you i love you.

i want to be by your side. i want to make you laugh and ease the hurt. i want to make the greatest work of our lives. i want to walk through the dark with you because at least we'll be together. i want you and everything that means, because i love you.

too many times deb's had good things snatched away from her, whether by her own doing or others. she can't endure that again, bc she's not sure she'd survive it. she can't allow herself to indulge the risk of believing ava.

but god be damned if ava won't make her.

having a conniption over hacks again

[mykashg]

HACKS APPRECIATION WEEK — Day 6: Favourite Episode Episode 7, Tunnel of Love dir. Desiree Akhavan

I could make a genuine case for at least 5 episodes being my favourite, easlily, but Tunnel of Love has a special place on my heart. The build up to it and they pay off it delivers on it so satisfying. 

Where do I even begin? 

Firstly, it’s the way that we see the backstory build for DJ and Deborah, particularly from D’Jlwry and New Eyes reach a critical mass in the dinner table scene which is a contended for my favourite scene in the whole show but is absolutely in the top 5. It’s is a masterclass in revealing information to the audience, and again, we go on that journey with Ava and she is perfectly primed to watch them both getting triggered and lashing out and understanding exactly why it is happening the way it is but not being able to stop it. 

The way Deborah immediately regrets what she says but couldn’t stop herself, because not only is there so much unprocessed trauma but it is so raw from telling Ava the truth. The way Ava looks are her when DJ walks away from the table and no one else can meet her gaze, can even bare to look at her. It’s also where we get Ava’s “you found someone you loves you for exactly who you are,” which is one of my favourite lines in the while show. 

We get the internal power struggle between Josefina and Damien, a wonderful layer and piece of world building. We get pukka shell necklace Marcus and more of his history with Deborah and Wilson challenging him. We understand that he has truly devoted his entire adult life to Deborah’s empire and how deeply it hurts him to be disregarded for this new blossoming dynamic with Ava. 

I love Kiki obviously, the way she talks about Luna and how she and Ava are a little duo for the entire party and the way she and Deborah greet each other absolutely brimming with genuine affection and joy. I love DJ and Aidan, the bicep flexing and the piano playing and the eloping. I love the Cornell joke, that fucking gets me everytime and I’ve been rewatching Broad City lately and the way Hannah performs Ava’s fumbling response reminds me so much of Abbi Jacobson’s delivery it’s insane. 

I even have a soft spot for Marty in this episode, I know. But the stuff with the mayor is hilarious and it’s good writing and good acting that puts you in Deborah’s shoes and you ride the toxic, bittersweet, tragic ride with her as she softens towards him this episode. I’m always touched by him looking at the picture of young DJ before Ava calls about the wedding. Listen, I don’t ship Deb/Marty (obviously) and they will never work, they could never have worked, and I’m sure that so much about their relationship has fucked with Deborah beyond belief. It’s an awful cycle of self loathing and mind games and never feeling good enough. It’s Marty’s ego getting in his own damn way. But I can’t lie, I watch the final scene in the episode and when Deborah is laughing and it’s so fucking infectious. Jean and Chris are incredible. I can’t control the smile on my face watching her, she fucking glows and it doesn’t matter that I know he fucks it all up in the morning and doesn’t have the guts to tell her the truth in the moment, the nose nuzzle fucking gets me ok? 

Speaking of kisses, didn’t think I’d forget that did you? I STILL cannot believe we got a kiss, it doesn’t matter that it was a dream, Hannah won’t let me forget that she and Jean have KISSED. I just, I’ll say it a million times and still not be able to express how much it means that they went there, that Ava is a jealous, flustered mess the entire episode and that Kiki isn’t even remotely phased at the idea of Ava being into Deborah.

I will never not lose my mind over it or the way Deb gets when Ava leaves with DJ and Aidan or the fact that Ava calls her and it just like I know you won’t want to miss this. And she doesn’t. I just get so overwhelmed thinking about how much they give to each other. 

[nightsh6de]

hannah and jean’s ability to say so much without saying anything is so fucking mind-blowing to me. like, half the time, i can’t remember the dialogue they deliver (not because it’s not brilliant i’m just dumb lol), but i sure as hell could describe their micro-expressions for hours and give an in depth analysis of just how in love ava and deborah are solely based on how hannah and jean look at each other in those emotion-fueled scenes. and jesus christ don’t get me started on the way they look at each other when the other person isn’t looking like agshwhjdksk avadeb brainrot is now my only personality trait tbh they have me in their vice grip i cannot wiggle free

[mollrat101]

The new information we’ve learned about Deborah and Marty this season has really re-framed so much for me about them. 

You’re going to have to excuse below where I. express. sympathy. for. Marty???? It’s really weird, I’m sorry but like I said this info has made me re-think everything. 

First off, I think what we’re seeing from Marty...is that he’s finally moving on from Deborah. Marty says he would’ve given Deborah the Palmetto stage if she had just asked, and I don’t think he’s lying. He could be though. I think he’s done playing games with her. They seem to enjoy fucking each other over more than actually fucking (well, on Deb’s part) but I think he’s done. 

I think part of why I think this is clearly him not dating younger women shocks everyone, so maybe Marty is changing. Not necessarily as in like a better person, but you know change. 

He hasn’t lost his mind, Deb. I think he’s just tired. 

It’s weird to think that maybe, all this time with the younger women, Marty was fueled by heartbreak over Deb. That her rejecting him continued to sting, but he couldn’t stay away from her...until now. Him moving on with a woman his age, Victoria, seems to me like signifying that he’s moving on. 

Don’t know if it’s relevant that he’s yet again chosen another woman who loves art but this time not the kind Deborah would pick. I think him choosing an age-appropriate partner might say that Marty isn’t just interested in status anymore but also of being with someone he can imagine growing old with. Maybe I’m overstating this because, after all, this man has been married and divorced several times. I still don’t think Marty is a good person and I stand by what I said. 

It just seems interesting to me that Marcus and Deborah make fun of Marty for choosing younger women and now that he’s chosen an older woman...they still make fun of him. But Deborah rejected his proposal, so basically nothing that Marty did would’ve been right to them. 

And may I also remind them that *ahem* you two are the ones who are still single? 

You may not like Marty’s partners, but at least he’s taking a chance. They can safely make fun of him without themselves ever having to risk anything. That’s a thing between the two of them, isn’t it? Feeling smugly superior to others as a unit, not willing to admit they’re frightened of putting their real selves out there. 

(I cannot believe I just threw shade at Deb and Marcus on Marty’s behalf, but it had to be done. Just because I love these characters doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to criticize them.) 

I don’t think it’s true that Marty wasn’t serious about his proposal to Deb, I think she just believed that because it frightened her too much. Marty tells her you should have just asked, and it doesn’t feel like they’re talking about the stage. Marty, understandably, was probably too hesitant to ever ask Deborah again. But at anytime, Deborah could’ve reconsidered. 

But she never said anything. At any point, Marty probably would’ve said yes. She said it was about her business but, after a certain point, it’s just an excuse. She’s scared. She’s scared to trust someone again after what happened with Frank. Look at Marcus and Wilson. It wasn’t the business, Marcus got scared. 

But I think Marty is finally done waiting. 

And, you know, in a weird way I like this. It reframes it so that you understand Deb isn’t a victim in this relationship. Which was a big theme this season. She keeps acting wounded that Marty rebuffs her, despite knowing he would accept her if she asked. But she won’t ask. 

Ava wasn’t wrong when she said it’s Deborah’s fault she’s so lonely. A man wanted to be with her and she said no. Deb has to take responsibility for that. 

Now, just to be super clear, I’m not saying that’s what Deborah should’ve done. I don’t actually think a marriage between Deborah and Marty would’ve ended well. He would’ve gotten pissed about how obsessively she works. He doesn’t understand her dreams. It would’ve likely ended in disaster. He’s a bit too much like Frank, in all the bad ways. The things he’s done wrong to Deborah are gross and I don’t want to erase that (especially the sexual harassment/borderline assault). 

I’m just saying that Deborah doesn’t have anyone to blame but herself if she’s sad about Marty getting married. I don’t think she really wants to be married to him, she just likes the idea. 

Her days of using Marty as a crutch seem to be numbered. Now she’s going to have to figure out what to do with her love life on her own. Luckily, FedEx Casper (whatever we’re calling him) showed her a path. Ava talked to Deb about compulsory heterosexuality. 

If Deborah wants something different, she’s going to have to examine herself. I don’t think Deb’s exploration of her sexuality is over yet. Like I said, my hope next season is we get to see more of Deborah, the person. Including, Deborah as a romantic partner. But unlikely with Marty, that ships seems pretty much sailed. 

[soulofacircus]

Okay, so I finally got to watch 7 and 8 and here's my thoughts/feelings

7 was a fun episode, but I swear that moment Josephina looks directly at Ava when she says "I usually wait till I know someone is sticking around" got me right in the feels. The look on Ava's face, the four of them sat around together it was such a sense of family, even if Damion said he didn't want to bond, mate, to late! hahah. Love them.

8. Well, what can I say about 8 that hasn't already been said? and much more better than I could ever. So I'll keep it simple,

I really love Ava and Marcus's new relationship with each other, them laughing together, Marcus looking out for her instead of just being about the money regarding the house, but seriously, dude KNOWS about Ava's love for Deb. Deborah telling Ava to take the job, I mean, it was a given because Deb in her own way has always pushed her, "they make each other better". I did really like Ava taking the moment to speak to Deb about it though, it shows growth. Ava turning up! perfect and honestly, I'd of been upset if she hadn't, you could just see Deb light up.

I said this to @sapphicscholar, but I honestly really loved that Deborah on stage for the special was Deb. No glitz no glam, just Deb, her own hair, black clothes, like she's morning her past stand ups. (Perfect)

Also! thanks for DJ finally realising Deb wasn't a bad mum! I mean, it's one of the things that has grated on me in both seasons. So I really loved that lil moment.

And of course the ending, Deborah in THAT dress, the speech, the WINK! the realisation that Ava is now being wooed by networks. Deborah is of course going to push Ava away, she love her, wants her to fucking be her own legend! The balcony scene (I admit I didn't cry) was lovely, Ava's "I want to be with you, where you are" was just GAH!. Deb's "You're just like me" the moving of the hair, the caressing of the cheek. THE LOOKS. Don't tell me they don't love each other. Don't tell me they ain't gay for each other.

And of course the end scene. The disappointment in Ava when the lawsuit gets dropped because she was going to see Deb!!! Fucking got me fam, right here in my feels. But her watching Deborah's QVC.... it's not over folks, not even close.

Even if we don't get a season 3, I'm okay with the ending. It's hopeful, and lesbihonest, we're fanpeeps, we live on hope.

Besides, our beautiful fic writers will always give us the ending we all want! (Also! shout out to Jimmy and Kala, they were super fucking awesome. Specially Jimmy and I adore that Deb stayed with him.)

[sapphicscholar]

A/N: oh hey, it's been a hot second! I had an idea watching the previews for the season finale (obviously this is not what it's referring to, and I have my own theories about what'll actually happen!) and wanted to get a little thing out on the eve of the episode's dropping

Fic Preview:

Words would be easier, Ava thinks, were it not for those last couple of shots she got talked into by a couple of sweaty frat bros who had exactly zero interest in her outside of the fact that they thought she had just fucked Deborah in one of their bedrooms. Which she most certainly did not do. Fighting, yes. Which is kind of like fucking but only occasionally with the same kind of catharsis.

This fight had felt nothing like fucking. It was just…sad.

Almost as sad as this fucking rollaway cot. Because of course Deborah opted for the king instead of two queen beds when the President’s office said they would only comp one room. Something about how most honorees don’t bring their writer with them, just a spouse. Which is something they’ll be unpacking the day after never.

Ava tosses onto her left side. Then her right.

“Would you be quiet?” Deborah squawks at her from across the room.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t exactly a Sleep Number deluxe over here,” Ava huffs.

“If I don’t sleep, I’m going to look exactly as hungover as I already feel, and I can’t look old on camera. Not now.”

“You’re not—you still have time. You know that, right?” Ava’s going for comforting, but the shots have loosened her tongue, and the words sound baggy and deflated of all their meaning.

“What?”

Ava pushes herself up to a seated position, peering over to where Deborah’s lying in the dead center of the bed, her sleep masked pulled down over her eyes but her body too rigid to be anywhere near relaxed. “I said,” Ava repeats, letting her voice grow a little louder, “that you still have time.” A beat. “You said you didn’t have any time, and…I just, I don’t want you to think that way.”

[ludling]

I know I said I would wait...but Hacks s02e03 and 04 thoughts under the cut...

Look, it definitely gets a bit better than the first two eps, and there was quite a few moments where I really laughed out loud...but they were like little boats (ships lol)  in a sea of unfortunate continued okay-ness

The Good

1. I fucking love Weed so much. I hope she’s not gone for good, because I feel like her character has been chiefly played for laughs, without the opportunity of real depth every other side-character got last season. She ate some of D’s night cream cause she thought it was dip. COME ON.

2. The lesbian cruise was inspired and holy shit LPJ have been reading our fics...it’s embarrassing..but also... there were so many moments I actually hollered out loud. DEB GIVING AVA A MANICURE?!!!!??? I mean I don’t wanna say queer-baiting, but if that’s how they’re gonna do it, I’m fine with it. I liked how it all went well for Deborah, until her internalised misogyny bit her in the ass. I like that she wingmanned for Ava and considered where she stands sexually with Ava’s help. Loved that for both of them.

3. I enjoyed the moment where D turns the bus around and then gets in the dumpster with Ava. Like you can’t even pretend you hate her for longer than five minutes. That’s true love baby.

4. Same with how she essentially flirted with the young female comic to make Ava jealous. ‘What beautiful hands you have’???? I mean COME ON.

The Bad

1. The pacing continues to be whack. Like everything feels like it’s been condensed to the barest emotional beats. One minute they’re in the dumpster kind of okay again, the next they’re at the grand canyon? I feel like a little more emotional warm-up would have made that moment so much weightier.

The first season was this lovely slow immersion into Deborah and her Vegas world. Everything took time, and felt incredibly earned. Nothing in season two has felt like that so far, and honestly that is my biggest issue with it.

2. I loathed it when Deborah started singing, and the cruise audience sang along with her. It feels like another tedious example of Girlboss!Vance, and not like something that would organically happen.

3. Damian should have more scenes.

4. Marcus should have less scenes. I think he’s fine, but I think the writers give his boring-ass character way too much screen-time, when they could be focusing on Weed, or Damian, or DJ, or literally anyone else. But then, historically, I am a Marcus-hater so this point might truly be personal.

Anyway, those are my thoughts, I’m not going to even pretend that more hot-takes aren't coming next Thursday.

The one nice element to all of this is that the second season being this mediocre, actually makes me feel like getting back to work on my multi-chapter Hacks WIP, which I thought S2 would make completely obsolete. So there is that.

[cdyssey]

Hacks (1.09) Reactions:

I thought it’d be fun to do half incoherent write ups for the s1 finale episodes ☺️

Ava lying about a doctor’s appointment to catch her flight… this is not gonna end well. 😭😭

“But do me a favor. Will you stay off WebMD? It’s bad for your personality.” This is the fucking funniest show.

“Great. Love you, bye!” And Deborah looks up and stares at Ava as she runs off. Oh, my fucking godddd. The first “I love you” between them and it’s so beautifully casual, like it’s something that Ava has said to her a thousand times before.

Deb at Marty about embarrassing herself: “Oh, well, thanks for looking out for me, you condescending piece of shit.” get his ass!!!

They did a really job of casting Ruby. There’s a lot of chemistry between her and Ava. You can sense the history between them.

Deb so nervous and worked up about the new set that she hasn’t eaten. ;w;

Ruby notices that something is different about Ava, and Ava says she’s happy.

Ooough, Ava being caught by the subletter, and Marcus is on the other end of the line. Jesus, this isn’t gonna be good.

“His job is just a series of high-cholesterol lunches.” FJSKSKSSN

Now’s as good as of a time as any to mention this—this season has done a remarkable job of showing the subtle tensions between Deborah’s various employees. There was Damien and Josefina in the kitchen during DJ’s party. And slowly but surely, we’ve watched Marcus grow increasingly discomfited at possibly being edged out by Ava.

Like their ambitious boss, they’re all jostling for their positions in the hierarchy—to be number one, to be the person Deborah relies on. Jealousies emerge, and that feels so real and painful and human.

Ava walking with so much confidence to her interview is nice. Such a huge change from her pathetic loser girl status at the start of the season fjskjdmsks.

Deb wanting Ava to come over now, and Ava making up a lie about bloodwork. Girllllll.

“You’ve been through way worse than silence, Deborah.” 😭

Ava: “Trust me.” / Deborah: “Okay, okay. I do.” Sobbing. OH, GOD, and this on the heels of Marcus questioning Ava’s trustworthiness.

MARCUS TRYING TO SABOTAGE WOWWW. OH, GOD. MY GUT IS HURTING. I LOVE ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS SM

“Okay, I’m getting my pussy waxed.” ALALWOQOFODKSKSOQA

Oh, jesus christ. The interviewers reveal the subject of the show, and Ava’s face immediately falls, and she’s immediately defensive because she’s gotten to KNOW Deb.

And she’s not a “crazy bitch.���

She’s someone that she loves.

And so she blows up this job to defend Deborah, even though Deborah is about to fucking find out that she was in LA in the first place. My Stomach is in Knots.

Ava tripping and her diva cup falling out of her bag after she tries to power walk away is perfect. Yeah

DON’T ANSWER THE JIMMY CALL NO

I’M SICK

FUCKING SICK

the heaviness in Deborah’s face. She trusted Ava, and trust does not come easily to her at all

“Actually, you made light of my dandruff problem and told me to fuck off, so we really don’t have to go there.” ALALAOSJSK

“And when you share a sense of humor with someone, it’s like finding someone who speaks your own, you know, private little language. And you make each other better. But his ambition got in the way, and he left me, and I was so scared because I thought I needed someone else and that I would never find anyone like him ever again.” HACKS WRITERS, GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

SHE’S TALKING ABOUT HER EX-HUSBAND AND CLEARLY THINKING ABOUT AVA

Stand-up not being scary to Deb because no one can disappoint her. :((

“Isn’t that a little lonely, though?” / “It’s just true.”

FUCK ME

I’M SO???

I’M

Deborah in the kitchen, her apron bloodied, as she filets a fish… and it takes you back to earlier in the season as she fishes quietly on the pier while Ava watches her late night show. And that moment was important because it was the first time Ava really connected to Deborah’s humor, when she discovered that Deborah makes her laugh.

Goddamn.

(Also, something, something about Deb having a lot of practical skills that I really appreciate—fishing, cooking, etc. it would have been super easy to make her helpless about those sorts of things, but giving her that touch of competence helps to ground her, I think. Makes her feel more real.)

Deb pretending like everything is okay, and Ava continuing to lie—god god god—while Marcus is surprised to see Ava still by Deb’s side in the kitchen. So many unspoken dynamics and tensions here.

Deborah’s hatchet comes down SO hard, and it’s silent condemnation.

It’s a taste of what’s to come for what can only be a fraught and emotionally painful finale.

FUCK ME, this show is good

[nakedmonkey]

"I want you" (preferably from Deb) for Deb/Ava in an angsty way! Thank you so much.

Of all the things that have ever happened to Ava at 2 in the morning, this is by far the least expected thing that has ever happened to her. Like. If she were a betting woman, getting a call from a drunk Deborah Vance, would not be a thing she would bet on. She would expect a call from her dead father before she would expect this.

That it happens while Ava herself is drunk off her ass on top-shelf liquor from some industry party that turned out kinda of fun, is especially like, cosmically hilarious, because she's been pretty sober for a while. She says (slurs) this to Deborah when she picks up.

Deborah, who has been MIA for close to a year now, dares to sound annoyed by this.

"Jesus," she sighs. "I would like to have just one conversation with you that doesn't turn into you monologuing incessantly for hours."

There's an apology hanging off the tip of Ava's tongue but she reels it back in and instead lets her anger take over in the form of a loud, bitter laugh.

"Queen Deborah Vance, everybody!" She exclaims at her empty living room and takes a couple of breaths before continuing. "Are you drunk-dialing me just to berate me? Or is there an actual point to this conversation? Because I have to be up early."

"Wow, things have changed."

"What do you want, Deborah?"

There's silence then. A sort of gradient one that comes when someone wants to say something, but they just can't. There's the sound of shuffling, or sniffling, and what Ava things is ice clinking against glass, and she clings to that, her anger dissipating against her better judgement.

"Deborah?" Ava says. Her voice is gentler now, more forgiving, and part of her hates it. She wishes she wasn't so fucking weak. "What do you want?"

"I don't know," Deborah finally says. "I guess--I guess I want you. Here, I mean. I wish you were here."

Ava's heart is racing, or slowing down, she's not sure which.

"That's not what you said at first."

Deborah sighs again. This time, her frustration doesn't seem to be directed at Ava, but rather, at herself.

"Look, I uh--I shouldn't have called you like this--"

"No, no, no," Ava cuts in quickly. "No, don't do that. Okay? Maybe you shouldn't have called like this, but you did. You fucked up. You called me. So, now what?"

Ava listens for the sound of the call ending, or for Deborah to tell her to go fuck herself, or something equally horrible. Instead though, she hears an intake of breath, and then:

"Okay," Deborah says. Another sigh, and then. "Okay."

[actualhumancryptid]

A bit of Deborah/Ava that i’ve been too tired to finish. and so it gets to be a snippet on tumblr.

-------

She’s can’t remember why she’s laughing, but Deborah makes her laugh easily. And her jokes have been killing tonight, in this bar, with the two of them huddled close. Deborah keeps reaching out and touching her arm, leaning forward to whisper into her ear. And Ava has to do everything in her power not to pull her closer and kiss her. But they’re not doing that here. With all these strangers watching. Soon it’ll be unavoidable. Marcus keeps giving her dirty looks over his endless piles of paperwork. But knowing him that could be based on anything, like the actual paperwork. Dude needs to chill.

Still. It’s annoying, having to pretend. Ava leans forward, her mouth almost touching Deborah’s ear. Deborah shudders a little, feeling her breath.

“Why are we in a bar, when right now I could be watching some awful crime show in bed with you, while you spoil the plot?”

Deborah glares.

“You never shut up about this bar.”

“I mentioned it one time! I just read about it in one of those newspapers you shockingly read in, like, hard copy, when the internet is right there—”

“A hidden gem,” Deborah says, mimicking Ava badly. “Oh we have to go there Dee, it reminds me of those pretentious LA bars with farming equipment as décor.”

Ava smirks a little then.

“You’re wooing me.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“No you are. You’re trying to get me to fall in love with Vegas.”

Ava takes hold of Deborah’s hands then, staring intently at her with mock seriousness.

“Dee. I love you. But LA is better than Vegas,” Deborah rolls her eyes, but Ava stops her from pulling her hands away. “Better. It’s just an objective fact.”

“Hah. Objective, my ass.”

“Like gravity, like maple syrup being awesome,” Ava says. “Like, I dunno, something about the best James Bond, that’s a thing right? There’s one firm favorite?”  

“Connery.”

“Sure,” Ava says, not really caring about specifics there.

“I am not deluded enough to think there’s anything in the world that would stop you flying your tattered little flag of LA cool,” Deborah says. “Is it not enough to want to take you somewhere you actually want to go? Something more your crowd?”

“Ah,” Ava says, sitting back a little so she can look at Deborah better. “We’re having the age freak-out again today then, that’s what this is.”

“It’s not a freak-out — will you stop calling it that?”

“Doesn’t the fact that I desperately want to finger you while we’re sitting here count for anything?”

Deborah swallows, her skin getting a little flushed.

“Ava.”

“And granted, that’s not a very deep argument. I mean…in some ways…” she sees Deborah’s expression. “Right. Serious talk then. If this isn’t a problem for me, it’s gotta be something you’re willing to work on.”

“What am I apparently working on?”

“I mean, obviously it’s the horrific burden of having a young hot babe on your arms.”

Deborah smiles.

“Tragically you’re only managing one out of the three.”

“Zing!” Ava says. “Though not your best work.”

“Well my heart’s not in it, in this case.”

Ava rolls her eyes fondly.

“How about this. We get super drunk in this bar you’re insisting we stay in, because I for one am an absolute blast.”

“Can’t disagree there.”

“And we talk about it when you…you know, want to talk about it. Or not. But we’re never gonna be able to—”

“I know.”

“Not if you can’t even sit with it yourself.”

“Ava. I thought we weren’t doing this now?”

“You’re right,” Ava says, smiling a little. “We’re not.”  

She looks around, trying to spot a server.

“You have to go up to the bar,” Deborah smirks. “In places this arty.”

Ava glares.

“Ok, I know that.”

“Sure you do.”

[mykashg]

Can I ask for another one? #59 please!

Prompt: "You are very endearing when you are half-asleep.” in combination with “You’re comfy.” Both requested by @soulofacircus as well.

The show tonight had been promising, there was a buzz, an electricity with the crouwd that Deborah could honestly say she hadn't felt in decades. And when they get back to the tour bus, they are both so overtired it's bleeding into hyper activity. At least for Ava, whose mind seems to be going at a million miles per minute with joke amendments and restructuring the act until Deborah encourages (or rather gives her permission, because drugs have definitely been a sore spot since the email debacle) to have a weed gummy and zen the fuck out. Before she knows it, they're in bed watching re-runs of Law & Order.

And maybe it's the fact the show went so well or that the tour is gaining momentum or maybe it's the longing voice inside of herself that is buried deep, deep, deep that she is trying, trying, trying to keep quiet but Deborah doesn't mind really when Ava's head finds its way first to her shoulder and then to her chest. She looks down and watches as Ava's head rises and falls with every breath she takes and makes sure her eyes are laser focused back on the small television they're watching from when she indulges, just for a mokent, and lets her fingers run through Ava's red hair.

Scratching her scalp lightly and Ava just sighs contently in response and nuzzles against her, "You're comfy."

Deborah pauses, soaks this moment in for a few seconds longer, and then gently readjusts herself. "Maybe for you, but I have to lie down properly or else my back will be wrecked until we get home next week."

Home.

Ava grumbles, limbs heavy, and slowly starts to get up and go back to her own bunk. Which is smaller and more cramped then Deborah's and they're practically the same height so really she's just being generous when she says, " You don't have to go. Just--" Deborah fluffs her pillows and lies down in a more comfortable position and Ava doesn't respond verbally. She just slumps down haphazardly, eyes closed and so, so close to Deborah.

Facing her this time and her hair is covering her face. Deborah lets herself brush it back behind her ear gently, lets her fingers trace the side of Ava's jaw before pulling back, "Feels nice," Ava mumbles.

“You're very endearing when you are half-asleep.”

Ava doesn't reply, her breathing getting deeper and more consistent.

"Goodnight, Ava."

"G'night, D. Love you."

Deborah stills. She doesn't know if she can trust it. But it's there. Lingering beneath the surface of every moment they share, every banter filled exchange, every argument, every joke.

It's there.

[thebopkabbalah]

NOTES ON TELEVISION

thought i'd have a go at putting my thoughts down for each of the shows i've watched / finished in the last two weeks or so, otherwise it all sort of swims away into an undefined experience of consuming something and not reflecting on what it meant to you as a viewer etc. spoilers below so beware!

feel good season 2 (Netflix)

was massively excited to have mae martin back on my screen and charlotte ritchie - something very affectionate about the two of them, even independent of mae and george's relationship. it was absolutely mad !! to see someone struggling with gender onscreen and have no quick resolution for that - likewise with trauma / abuse, where in parts i felt very deeply for mae and was equally frustrated by them. interesting to see wokeboi Eliot mansplaining his way through polyamory and all, although perhaps becoming a caricature towards the end. laughed in bits, worried at others. thought that may mae and george's reunion could've taken a longer span to happen in, but feel good has always been sharp, concise and so it was. absolutely HATED the last shot that zoomed out of mae and george because it took me out of that beautiful moment they were having !!!! 

hacks season 1 (HBO)

got to fucking love jean smart. the meanness, the switch to vulnerability, the humor, the sheer flexibility of her face whereby she demands attention from a viewer is wild. loved, loved, loved her character and the way it's developed in tandem with ava's. found myself liking and disliking ava through the episodes until the end, maybe. not sure how i feel about deborah's assistant / CEO person or her casino dealer being POCs - like even as their characters are developed, they remain props to a narrative about white people. does anyone else feel that way in shows centered around white ppl but populated by some POCs? how would this show have done if the lead actresses were non-white? food for thought. the writing is very very sharp and funny, lots of laughing did happen. I RECOMMEND FOR JEAN SMART. 

we are Lady Parts (Channel 4)

having listened to a bit of taqwacore and wondered when i might see more muslim women onscreen in non-stereotypical ways, this show was fucking fantastic. i have only one or two critiques with their storytelling, but overall, really smart, really well done. there's lot of music to lose your shit over, there's musical-esque moments, there's visual references to films, there's a diversity that doesn't feel forced or just put it in for its own sake, but realistically imagined !!! can't blame me for having the HOTS for Saira, jesus christ, with her tattoos and low-voice intro “We are Lady Parts” which is just !!!!! not sure what i felt about Amina being set up with Ahsan because thats very stereotypical rom-com heteronormative shit and honestly the show could do so much better. appreciated how religiosity is included in very nuanced and interesting ways in the show, and displayed without pomposity or judgment. loved the music, maybe there should be more? not sure what another season of this would look like but im living for muslim / queer / women representation that is breaking out of old patterns and shit. LOVE THIS. PLEASE WATCH. 

elite season 4 (Netflix)

weirdly put together season that made very little sense, had no mystery, perhaps too much sex because i was seeing so many asses and breasts that i was left confused about who was seeing who and why character development was thrown for a toss. elite's always been campy, mystery-trash fun but one or two things they got right initially was their narrative grasp of queer character arcs and non stereotypical representation of muslims !!!! no such nuance here. enjoyed rebe and mencia's relationship and cayatena's growth as a woman rejecting men FINALLY in favor of herself / her career but overall there was no depth no complexity nothing. lol. thought there might be interesting complex conversations around polyamory etc but that dissolved into patriarchal piss shit. 

the pursuit of love (BBC miniseries)

i dont know why i watched this, except for andrew scott perhaps. while some of the shots are pretty i could find little else to enjoy or feel anything about in the show. the cousins ​​'relationship was definitely weirdly sexual-tension driven (couldnt they have been friends who eventually have a homosexual relationship? much better premise imo) - lily james' character kept panting and sighing in the most morose ways possible, weird to listen to - - most characters were just types, without depth or motivation. nothing about queerness just one dance segment that suggested it. straight people stuff is boring. lots of other problems with how they depicted / dealt with the politics of the time. ugh. the one time i was excited, besides andrew scott's presence, was when Sons of Kemet played in a jazz club. hope i dont associate the show with the song please please feeling ridiculous for having given 3 hours of my life to this. lol. okay. dont watch.