#the watch is having an impact on my reading habits too not just my viewing ones lol

[when-did-this-become-difficult]

george pelecanos novels. send tweet

[thedivineart]

mini messages from your inner self <3

ꕀ ׅ࣪ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ links : navigation. send love.

pacs. paid services.

masterlist. @tarotwithart.

© thedivineart. do not plagiarize any of my work, translate or repost it on other social media platform.

꒰ one ꒱

• ELM + GORSE + VINE

- you feel tired and exhausted these pase few weeks, you could also lacking some sleep because you are too busy. your inner self wanted to tell you that taking a break and rest is important, it can also nurtures your body and keeps you healthy and alive most of the time. It's okay if it stay committed in your commitments but taking some rest is great, be limited not unlimited for yourself. Seeing the world as negative perspective doesn't serve you, changing it will be, you may possibly view life as something that really unfair but you hold the power to change how you view the world and be with so much fairness. Finding solutions to your problems is great way to find peace in your life, problems will not take away unless you did something from it. Don't lose hope in life there's a lot of things you can do perhaps in can also serve other not only you, be positive most of the time

꒰ two ꒱

• IMPATIENS + CLEMATIS + WHITE CHESTNUT

- losing hope about your situation and life? this message is meant for you. you were wishing that time should be move more little bit faster so you are be able to see your unfold future but time is time and all you can do is letting it move by its own pace, enjoy the moment you have right know whether this might be bad or good for you— still be greatful that you be able to experience those kind of things which brings impact and lesson for you— take your time, no need to hurry at all. you often imagining what is your future and your vision about it and does this things are for real, your inner self wants to tell you that your plans and visionary about it can combine in one— it might be exhausting but surely will be worth and truly deserve it. Take away all the thoughts that what if I can't, yes you can your just lacking in couragement and sometimes dedication as well, dispel all negative thoughts you have at the present.

꒰ three ꒱

• ROCK WATER + HORNBEAM + AGRIMONY

- enjoy the beauty of life and be grateful for what you have in your situation. abandon what is not real, simply because it is not real and just illusion of you. cherish all the moment, be grateful for every situation, it happened and destined to be part of your life and circumstances. do you want to change what is your habits? yes you have the rights to change it now, don't not fear the first step, it may be rough but that how it is also can help you to be stronger and be better in next pace. your inner self desires for harmony and peace in life whether in inner or outer self of you, you can keep you mask away but do not throw it ( you may need it in necessary times ) watch and observe what do people real intentions about you, be careful in whom you putting trust too, not all are deserving to know the real you.

‹𝟹 leave like 🙵 re-blog when you love it !

⌂ HOME ︳❏ MASTERLIST ︳⩉ BUY A READING

[ophernelia]

! LONG READ

I heard you want to make a machinima. I think I could help with that. Welcome to the first session of machinima bootcamp!

Alright, stop booing me. I know I kept you waiting for months. It took time and I had so much more learning to do myself! I am by no means an expert, but I think I could offer some helpful advice. This is just how I do things so feel free to use what resonates. “Where do I start? It’s as easy as opening the game up and recording, right?” That’s one way to do it for sure. The way I do it requires a lot more planning. Blame it on me being a Capricorn lol. A LOT of work goes into making Lykaia. Episodes usually take me a week or two to make. From writing the script, to filming and editing, it takes hours upon hours to produce. I love doing it. It's like a passion project, so the hours of free time I pour into it are really healing. Whatever you create, make sure it’s something you really do love. Here’s how I made Lykaia and how I intend to make other series going forward. 

*Lykaia specific info is annotated.

One thing you have to have before anything else is a story. One that you are genuinely interested in and enjoy telling. It’d be best to refrain from doing whatever gets views or whatever you think the community might enjoy. In order to stay consistent, you have to enjoy what you’re making. You have to know what story you want to tell. You don’t have to have everything planned out from start to finish, but get a good idea of what you want to explore first. The first season of Lykaia was just for me to try out machinima making. I didn’t have much direction with the story. Lykaia is just the cinematic version of my gameplay save. Lou and Imogen were my current household, so I figured I’d tell their story. It can be something as simple as that. A favorite household you love playing. A favorite story trope you’re into. Whatever inspires you. Try not to focus on how the masses will react to it. There’s an audience for everything. The viewership will come. Don’t let that discourage you or be your main focus. Enjoy the process of creating. Create for creation’s sake, not for praise or viewership. 

What makes a good story? I’m not sure. Sorry! I still wonder if Lykaia’s story is good. Though, even if it isn't, I just like telling it! Having interesting or complex characters is a good tip though. I quite like the idea of there being very few or no true villain in a story. Complex lives, complex people. It’s good to get an idea of who your characters are. What do they like? What do they dislike? How do they behave around people they’re close with? What was their childhood like? How do they speak? What do they look like? Where are they from? How do they handle conflict? How do they handle romance? There’s a bunch of questions you can ask to work on building out your characters. Once you’ve got a good idea of who your characters are at this starting point, you can build outside of their world. Make their friends, make their family. Figure out where they’re from geographically. How does their environment impact their life? What’s the place they live in like? Do they like living there? Where is it? What’s the climate? Are you using in-game world names, making up your own, or using real life places? How does all of that impact the story line? Are they a small town person or a city person? Go in depth thinking about all these questions. I’ll include a list of these questions for you to answer. You don’t have to share these with me! It’s simply for you to plan things out on your own. Again, you don’t have to have everything planned out. Nothing has to be permanent. Watching characters grow and their environment change is entertaining. Just know where you want to start at least. Playing the game can help give you some inspo too! The sims have a habit of being pretty messy on their own. Once you figure out what story you want to tell, you’re ready to move forward. 

*Like I mentioned previously, Lykaia is essentially the cinematic version of my gameplay save. The stories I told myself when playing their household, I am now telling to you. However, over the course of making the show for the last few months it’s really grown and developed. With the addition of characters like Savannah and Owen, to developing a thoughtful storyline for Rory, all of that has come as I’ve worked on the show. I’ve always had a thing for storytelling growing up. Won young authors competitions all throughout my schooling, but never did much with it in adulthood until now. When I say I take the time out to really develop the cast, I do. Lykaia takes place in several worlds. I even develop those out too. I think about the culture there. How close they are to other worlds. All of that really helps build a deep lore for your series that your audience and yourself will enjoy. 

As for making the cast, I won’t go in depth about actually making your characters in CAS. That process is pretty straight-forward and solely up to you. Make your cast look however you want them to. Use cc, make the cast with vanilla TS4, it’s up to you. I can’t offer much advice about that. It’s a pretty personal process. (Personal as in, you do what you wanna do lol. Not in a ‘I don’t wanna share my process’ type of way.) 

The next step after that is world building. This part should be a lot more simple if you’ve planned out your story. I mean literally world building. If you want a really unique looking series, it’s time to start building babe. Build your own lots, edit the worlds, do it all. I mean really go in! You can use inspo from Pinterest to help. I do that often. Check out the world building inspo for Lykaia here. On occasion I’ll use a build made by the community, but for the most part I make my own. It makes you feel like you’re actually immersed in the world of Lykaia. It’s a different San Sequoia, a different Copperdale, etc. It’s important to make your worlds your own. Get an idea of street layouts and everything. Try to envision the world your characters live in. “But there’s only so much you can do with TS4!” I actually disagree (Well, since discovering these mods.) and there’s a few mods that really help drive that home. These are the most pivotal, but there’s a variety of other ones that are helpful too! Like the Better Build/Buy mod and even CAW by TwistedMexi but it isn’t out yet. Still in development. 

The TOOL Mod by TwistedMexi. The TOOL mod allows you to take objects off a lot, but that’s not all you can do. Rotate, duplicate, scale objects and more. If you ever wonder why my game looks different from the EA base worlds, it’s because I edit all of them. Add more trees, add more deco buildings, add more debug objects, etc. World customization is essential. However, it is a very tedious process. Editing San Sequoia for S2 of Lykaia took me about a week in total. Primarily because I’m still learning how to use TOOL effectively, but because I put a lot of details into my worlds. I add cars around. I use S4S to make hidden objects show up in-game. It’s a long process, but having a world that’s really unique is so rewarding. Sure, we all have access to the same sandbox but we don’t all make the same things. That’s the best part about the community. The creativity is boundless. Have you seen that one person with an Ancient China savefile? Bonkers. So creative. You can do some crazy stuff with this game. Don’t be afraid to push it to its limits. 

The All Worlds are Clickable Mod by Awingedllama works so well in conjunction with the TOOL Mod. I’d say it’s almost necessary to have both. This mod does just what it says on the tin. It makes all worlds in TS4 clickable. No longer will you see that red circle with a line through it. You can walk anywhere. It also helps to place objects using the TOOL mod. Sometimes figuring out the grid is hard, it's easier to point and click. I highlight an object with TOOL and click wherever around the world I want to place it. Now, this will cause some routing issues with your sims. They’ll walk through stones, lakes, etc. Taking the mod out is an easy fix for this whenever you want to just play your game normally. I rarely play my game these days, but when I do I leave it in, it’s kinda funny to see Victor Feng running through the lake in San Sequoia. 

Emptied Newcrest & Willow Creek by Awingedllama is also a great mod if you want to take things a bit further. It gets rid of everything and I do mean everything. Think TS3 empty create-a-world. It does so by hiding certain objects, so don’t be surprised if they don’t show up in game for other worlds. It makes things look a bit wonky, but if you really wanna start from scratch, then this is a great way to do it. You can completely customize the look and layout of your world. Add more tropical vegetation or more tepid vegetation. It’s up to you. It does take an immense amount of work and I’d recommend following this tutorial to get the backdrops for the worlds in game. Also this tutorial if you’d like to add custom debug houses.

* Lykaia’s world is based on TS4 worlds, but with real life influences. Copperdale is meant to give that east coast small town vibe. Heavily wooded areas that experience a lot of rain. (Just because I love really gloomy weather irl.) It also makes doing ambience easier. The sound of rain is easy to throw in. San Sequoia is meant to be like San Francisco. Del Sol too. I usually just go in and add more trees and vegetation. Place more cars and deco people to make the worlds feel more full. I also add in other little objects that are specific to the series. More places to sit. Just to overall make the worlds feel more lived in. TS4 can feel like a ghost town at times. Green Haven is a new area within Lykaia that I am currently working on. It’s a full town I’ve built from scratch using the emptied Newcrest and Willow Creek mod. Inspo for it is on my pinterest. It is supposed to mimic small towns in upper Cali. 

In the next session we'll start talking about filming, sets, lighting, etc. If you ever have any questions, just send me an ask!

[heartxshaped-bruises]

mun’s taste in muses: 2, 5 , 11

15 QUESTIONS ABOUT THE MUN'S TASTE IN MUSES !!

                                                        ✧･ﾟ  𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐃.

2. Are there any tropes that pull you in or that you realise are reoccuring in your muses?

I'm not sure if this question means tropes that you could find all across my muses or if it concerns themes that are reoccuring in them whenever there's a new interaction. In the first case I'd say that some of them have a hard time opening up and being their authentic self, hiding usually behind a snarkier attitude than most people. But that only concerns the muses that kind of have recycled traits from muses I already kicked off this blog and my old ones ages ago. So that's hardly a surprise. Like, if I split up one muse and distributed some of their characteristics between two or more, you know? In the second, ofc some of my muses have themes and tendencies that will always follow them around bc it's tied to their personality or life. Referring to Joe f. e. bc he gets attached very easily and hence, the risk of obsessing over someone is omni-present. Luce has interacted with many other muses who enable him in his bad habits and vice versa. I think Abel has only met two people outside of the crime network with whom he ever interacted and who wasn't the heir to another mob family, too. Some things are just more likely, I suppose.

5. Who is / was your favourite muse of all time to play?

Definitely Jeremy. Let’s just say that the experience at my old HS got me very interested in how teenagers can turn into the darkest versions of themselves due to unfortunate circumstances and the worst of timing. What flips the switch in their head and makes them spiral, closed off, a target, the antagonist of their own story and in the one of everyone else... that kind of stuff. A very troubled kid who was obsessed with the concept of revenge, totally caught up in his unhealthy, limited view of things. Spending his time in internet forums, living out his fantasies online and talking to others with the same ideas, rooted in a coping mechanism that grew into something horrible. I think he was my favorite muse to write because he felt the most authentic. Writing him was really some experience and paid off a lot, considering the movie project it resulted in. It got me into movie school and also gave me the life-long interest to educate myself on this subject and dive deep into reading and writing scientific papers, books, watching documentaries, talking to others who were involved or interested in those things. His character had a very important impact on me as a person & filmmaker and it reflects in the themes I pick up in my work.

11. Have you ever built or picked up a muse because you wanted to use a certain faceclaim? How did it go?

Haven't we all ?? xD Yeah, ofc that happened. I don't know, I'm a visual person. That's why I do films, it's what tickles my creativity and my synesthesia always spits out some interesting things I can work with. Examples on here would be Emry (the most obvious lbr), Max, Zelda, Luce and Casper and some old muses that aren't on this blog anymore. The rest either used to have a different FC or got it after I wrote the character. Like, sometimes there are those FCs I would love to write but not without the right character who I know is going to be a real thing. I can't really say if it goes worse or better than the other way around. I don't sense any difference.

[otrtbs]

HELLO NAT!!! okay I have a few things to say and I will try to make this short because I have habit is talking too much on Internet BYE

okay so the thing is, I don't just love ahb,,, I ADORE it. like,, straight up adore it. I associate so many things with ur fic and maybe it's little bit insane and unhealthy but it makes me so happy and I'm ATTACHED okay?? it's just THAT GOOD.

now, I've always loved arts. my grandpa is musician, my dad is obsessed with paintings and has collection of books about artists (I have degas' book next to my bed atm), my sister is taking art studies in uni so i've always been close to arts and always wanted to take art studies in uni as well,,, but after ahb??? OH don't even get me STARTED.

that fic changed so many things for me, I became totally different person during summer and even my classmates can see that. I started consuming more information about paintings as well and discovered paintings that now I simply adore (the kiss by hayez, death and life by klimt (all credit to ahb for this one), the storm on the sea of galilee by rembrandt (watched documentaryabout gardner heist, LOVED IT), the angel in the sun by turner and SO MANY MORE!!) and all of it happened because of YOUR fic

all of this is exactly why I absolutely lost my shit and legit CRIED when I saw that u read my fic,,, it just means so so much I simply can not put it into words. I hope I don't sound too dramatic when I say that you, quite literary, changed the way I viewed arts and some other things as well with your fic and it just means a lot that you read something I created and most importantly - you LIKED it?? OH yeah imma go CRY again /pos

obviously that's not everything I have to say but it's 3 am and I have school tomorrow AND I don't wanna bore you too much with my rantings sooo I guess that's main things I wanted to say.

(OH and I absolutely LOVED new chapter of tcb!! you're amazing.)

ahh hello!! (I also talk too much on the internet,, rambling is my favorite so I see you and I am you haha)

first, I want to say you have no idea how much it means to me to know that my fic had a positive impact on you oh my goodness :,)) i am so happy that you love art heist, and that it makes you happy, and that it led to you looking into art more (let me cry for 284858201 years,, my heart is so FULL :,)) )

second!! THE KISS BY HEYEZ that’s such a good one!! ALSO THE ISABELLA STEWART GARDNER HEIST I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME !!! i want it solved !!! i want to know !!!!!! I WANT THE PAINTINGS BACK!!!!

also YEAH UR FIC WAS SO GOOD AHHH

i love love love unrequited Bartylus and ur fic had regulus AND barty yearning :,( my feeble heart i adore both of them so much <333 if you ever write a follow up please lmk so I can read it !! haha (absolutely no pressure though!! ur fic is wonderful as a stand-alone!!)

i cannot thank you enough for your kindness and the love you’ve shown art heist, baby! :,) i hope you get a good nights sleep and you have a good day!!!! (also you could never bore me, this I can promise)

(also, also ahhh thank you so so much for reading tcb! I’m so glad you like it <33)

okay, thank you again for sending this wonderfully kind message ahhh good luck with school :,) <333

[ahtsumu]

atsumu: 1, kevin: 0 ; miya atsumu

↳ pairing: miya atsumu x professional women’s volleyball player!reader

↳ synopsis: miya atsumu realises that he’s tired of keeping your relationship “low-key” with a little help from an overzealous fanboy.

↳ genre(s): fluff, humour!!

↳ warning(s): profanity

↳ length: 1.5k words

↳ a/n: surprise!!! lol i have way too many wips rn especially with requests but i wrote this as a little break from all the angst and stuff hence the cheesiness ☺️ enjoy!!

Miya Atsumu was caught in a kerfuffle.

Earlier that day, the twenty-three-year-old setter for the MSBY Black Jackals made the executive decision to come to watch you–– his Mario Kart player number two, his houseplant co-parent, the air-guitarist to his air-drummer, the Karaoke Night pink-lyric-singer to his blue–– kick some volleyball ass in the V. League Division 1 Women's Volleyball Tournament finals. 

The problem?

You played wing spiker for the Schweiden Falkes. 

There was nothing problematic about being a wing spiker on a Division One volleyball team. What was problematic, however, was that the Schweiden Falkes was the sister team of the Black Jackals’ sworn enemy, the Schweiden Adlers. To rub more salt in the wound, the Adlers had won every single game against the Jackals since Atsumu joined (not that they hadn’t prior to his arrival). And to make matters even worse, as one of the nation’s most sought-after athletes, he had to “appeal to both investors and the general population”. Miya Atsumu was supposed to be a marketable bachelor. And he was not.

Miya Atsumu was also not supposed to be at the finals of the women’s volleyball tournament. 

That was the biggest problem of them all. So maybe, actually, Miya Atsumu was mildly ensnared in a few kerfuffles.

The two of you had agreed to keep your relationship low-key from the start and were nearing two years of private, domestic bliss. Questions about each other in interviews were responded to with short and nondescript replies. Outings in public were conducted without physical contact. And despite how Twitter was almost a diary to Atsumu, he’d never once tweeted your name in his life. But as dull as your relationship seemed in public, the two of you were a different story in private. In private, he would find any way to touch you–– a hand in your back pocket, your legs draped atop his thighs, soft lips trailing up from the neck to each other. In private, sweet nothings were proclaimed and not whispered, laughter bubbled like a stream that never ran dry, and Atsumu said your name over and over again like it was habit.

But that didn’t change the fact that, right now, Miya Atsumu was not supposed to be in the nosebleeds of the Sendai City Gymnasium, even if he was hundreds of meters away from the nearest camera.

All the bigger kerfuffles fell quickly to the back of his mind, however, when a smaller and more irritating one presented itself to him. 

A snotty voice declared one row behind Atsumu’s hooded head, “Oi, you’re in the way of the view, jerk.”

Normally, Atsumu would have turned around with an equally cocky sneer on his chiselled features, “the fuck did you just call me?” locked and loaded behind clenched teeth. But when he turned around ready to deliver that exact line, he saw through his black shades that the owner of said snotty voice was none other than a scrawny prepubescent boy.

And that boy (along with the two equally snot-faced twerps beside him) was wearing your jersey number. Suddenly, all the irritation left Atsumu’s face. Was this your little fan club? A wicked cackle threatened to leap out his mouth. They were so annoying. But also, he mused, kinda cute.

“Was I?” he asked with an innocent expression on his face. It was the same one he used when Osamu would accuse him of stealing his clothes (he totally had), or when you would accuse him of eating the last slice of cake in the fridge (he totally did). “I hadn’t realised.” He really hadn’t. He just wanted to milk this for as long as he could.

“Yeah, you were.” The kid crossed his arms, glaring down at the shady guy one row below. “I can’t see the game anymore.”

“Oops–– my bad.”

“Shut up, Kevin, you were watching Y/N!” one of the brats exclaimed, punching Kevin’s shoulder.

Oh? “Yer a fan of Y/N, hmmm?”

“She’s pretty,” Kevin said immediately, shrugging. He just said it out loud like that? So easily? With a subtle wince, Atsumu thought back to the ridiculously long time before he’d admitted his ‘smidge of a crush’ on you. Yeah, unlike you, stupid. “I’m gonna marry her someday.”

At that, Atsumu’s competitive streak jolted awake. He felt himself sober up a little. Not if I marry her first, you little shit.

Bidding the trio goodbye with a bright grin, he turned around and strolled out of the stands. But he didn’t stop there. He stepped into the elevator and rode it straight down to ground level, sailed through the athlete’s entrance with a swipe of his card, and jogged his way to the side of your team bench, making it just in time to see you spike the setpoint past one of their player’s outstretched arms. 

It landed straight on the baseline.

The roar of the stadium scattered into hushed whispers. No one moved. “In,” Atsumu growled under his breath, tapping his feet against the floor. “In in in in in––” He clenched his hands into fists. If they don’t count that as in… 

Finally, the line judge pointed her arms down. The referee nodded.

And all around him, the crowd erupted into cheers.

As confetti fell from above and the Falkes’ victory song began to play, you ran from the court and into a celebratory team hug, screaming ecstatically in each other’s faces. Atsumu, beaming, ducked out of view, not wanting to steal that glorious feeling of a victory hard-earned from you or your teammates. But when the cheering died down, when the hug dispersed, when the television crews started slithering in your direction, he returned to his position behind the bench. And suddenly regretted all the decisions that had led him to that very spot.

Admittedly, Atsumu hadn’t considered the possibility that you wouldn’t want him at your game, but now, standing just metres away from you, he did. His hands suddenly felt very cold and equally moist.

As if on cue, your teary gaze landed on his figure. Your eyes were narrowed in what seemed like a warning. (Really, you were just trying to see better through your tears.)

Oh, no.

Atsumu spun around to make a run for it. At that moment, however, one of the coach’s assistants who’d been sent away to run an errand returned, barrelling through the same door he was heading towards. 

Colliding in a spectacularly embarrassing fashion, Atsumu’s sunglasses flew from his face and his hood blew off from the force of the impact. Disguise in tatters, he could only turn around sheepishly around his hands stretched out, palms up like a magician at the end of a trick.

“Surprise?”

Maybe it was the rush of victory still fresh in your bloodstream or maybe it was simply your brain going haywire, but with complete disregard for you and Atsumu’s original agreement, you ran towards him and leaped into his arms.

“Woah,” he wheezed, instinctively pulling you closer into his chest. “Was not expectin’ that.”

“You’re so stupid,” you murmured, nuzzling your face into his neck. “What are you up to, ‘Tsumu?”

“Unkerfufflin’ myself,” was all he said before gently setting you down. His eyes darted over to the place where Kevin and his gremlins had been and, when he realised that spotting them from here would be useless, lazily flapped a hand in their general direction.

“Some brat said he was gonna marry ya,” Atsumu explained after seeing your brows crease. “I felt I had the duty to save ya from that disaster.”

“By?”

Atsumu blanked. “Er, I, uh, hadn’t thought of that part, actually. I didn’t think you’d be happy to see me here, y’know, considerin’ our agreement and that look on yer face ya had earlie––”

Rolling your eyes, you yanked on his hood, bringing his lips down to yours. His arms snaked around your waist as he deepened the kiss–– he couldn’t help it, it was a knee-jerk reaction by now–– without so much as a second's consideration for the reporters that had swarmed around you like ants to honey. 

You pulled away just a few beats later, both breathless.

“What was that for?” he asked with his forehead pressed against yours. Despite being doused in the blinding flash of cameras and deafened by the barrage of questions shot in your direction, the two of you continued to speak as if you were in your own little world.

“You were about to word-vomit on camera and give Osamu a lifetime’s supply of blackmail,” you replied, giggling. “I thought I’d save you from that disaster.”

Hearing his words come out from your mouth, Atsumu’s eyes waned into little moons. “Consider me saved, doll.”

The noise around you grew louder. You sighed, knowing that the two of you would have a lot to deal with later. As if reading your mind, Atsumu intertwined your hands. I got you. And the unease receded. You’d figure it out together.

“Y/N! Y/N! Are you pregnant?”

“Y/N! Atsumu! When are you two getting married?”

“Can you tell us anything about that steamy kiss?!”

A shit-eating grin crawled onto Atsumu’s face as he grabbed the microphone from that last reporter. “Gladly,” he said, looking into the camera.

“How’s that for bein’ in yer way, Kevin?”

And for the next few hours that the world spent having a meltdown over Kevin’s identity, you and Atsumu remained blissfully tucked away in the comfort of your apartment, playing Mario Kart, baking celebratory cookies to the High School Musical soundtrack, falling asleep to the sound of each other’s heartbeats.

[ecclais-fouoras]

Falling for someone like you

Chapter 9 ? What a day

Previous chapter here

Tags : fluff and slight smut warning ⚠️

The next day went swiftly, you both had a great time at the mine and then the museum, afterwards you both went out for dinner, in the small restaurant she had spotted before. Wilhemina offered to pay since you had already done so much for her those few days. "I insist baby..you've been amazing and I was the one who suggested it... Let me get this one"

"Okay fine...don't make a habit out of it you know I love to spoil you, my darling" you had responded placing your hand on her cheek. That night you had gone to bed early, exhausted from the day spent. Your lover laid by your side, your arms around her protectively and her leg draped over your body, and fingers upon your collarbones. "Y/n ?"

"Mm ?" "What are we gonna do tomorrow ? I tried to find something to vis..."

"Amusement Park"

"Huh ?"

"Tomorrow that's what we're doing"

"Oh...you do kn..."

"I checked if it was something you could do, and there are many attraction available"; "Good..." She said before yawning. "Oh baby sleep you're tried"

"I don't want this day to end"

"It doesn't have to...in your mind never" You turned slightly, putting your hand around her hip and under her head, and hers went to your neck. Your legs found the spot between hers and the one still on top of your body. On Sunday you woke up a little bit early to pack stuff in the car before traveling to the park, your girlfriend watching the landscape pass by the cars window. Your eyes fixated on the rood and right hand in hers on her thigh. You arrived and went inside. The place was kinda crowded but since Wilhemina couldn't stand for too long waiting wasn't a problem, you could easily enter attraction in another line. "I hate their faces when they see me cut the line" she said growling from anger and you caressed her hair while explaining "Hey baby... You're not cutting line, your simply taking another one. If they don't like it they can try and live all their life in a body that aches like yours. They'll see if taking that line is worth the trouble."

"I guess you're right"

"I am...if they aren't happy about it they can suck my dick"

"OH so they can but you barely let me do it ?" You playfully feigned being offended and slightly pinched her arm. "That's not even true.."

"It is. Whenever I wanna do it you don't pack"

"Well I'm not going to pack every single day love"

"Well at least some of them baby"

You giggled and subconsciously started walking towards a small Russian mountain.

"Are you up for that mina ?"

"Of course. I'm up for anything", "You Sure ? It seems pretty scary". "It's not. Besides if it wear it would say not for people with back problems"

"Okay okay... Well when you throw up just make sure it's not while the wind is in our way."

"Haha very funny"

:read more:

She said as you took her hand and leaded her to the side line, after a few minutes you got in the seats. Wilhemina held your hand a little tighter than usual, so you nuzzled behind her ear and told her she was more than safe with you. She relaxed a bit and then screams and squeals of joy were the only thing that could be heard. You both moved throughout the park, doing things left and right, pointing at beautiful landscape and designs. You stopped at a flying swing and encouraged wilhemina to come with you and do it together. But she didn't seam to keened on it. Even as you took her hand and tugged her towards it she held her ground. The mushroom tower started to rise and everyone started cheering as the chair flew around in circles and people moved in their chairs."Look it's fun honey" "It's for kids."..."No. It's not. Watch there are plenty of adults her and besides it didn't bother you in the flying elephants."

"That was different"

"Absolutely not, look if it's because you don't stand the movements it's okay, but at least tell me"

"I do stand it" you went closer to her, your hands on her hips as you kissed her cheeks "Babe tell me what the real problem is, no bullshit please"

"I don't have. Anywhere to put my cane in there."

"Well we can leave it in the entrance"

"I'd rather not"

"Why, you don't need it during the ride, and I'll get it for you at the end baby"

"Who knows what will happen during the ride. I don't want to find it broken, not only because you gifted it to me, but because it is my life, I refuse to let it be broken or lost by those incompetent people"

"Hey..hey no need to insult anyone here, baby I know that, but just like when you go to bed you leave it to the side, you can let them take care of it"

"I..."

"Baby I promise nothing bad will happen"

"How can you do that"

"I'll make sure it doesn't, do you trust me ?"

"Of course I trust you. I just don't trust anybody else"

"But you learned how to trust me, so maybe you can try and give a little trust to that"

"Fine. One session"

"Yay ! I promise you'll love it" You said as you both went to it, and as soon as wilhemina was sited you went up to the people managing the attraction and asked them to keep her cane during the ride.

"Oh and by the way. If anything happens to it. Even the slightest impact, i will make sure you all lose your job, and ruin your reputation so much no one will go to a park that is unacceptable with disabled people."

"..we..yes. well, we will take good care of it"

"You better do." You went back and sat just next to Wilhemina on the double sided chair. "Did you te..."

"It's okay baby. They'll handle it carefully"

"Oh okay..." The swing raised above the floor, and progressively your feets hanged down as they stopped touching ground and The ride began. the wind hit your face faster and faster and you both smiled and yelled as it spined. Wilhemina had to keep her hand on her skirt so it didn't lift up and give everyone else a great view and you giggled. You whispered in her ear as the world around you kept turning and turning. "Don't traumatize these children and get arrested for public nudity I'd hate to have to get you out of jail and runaway together..."

"Is it weird of it actually sounds good"

"Depends on which part"

"The last bit you fool"

"Well my anxiety could never...but keep dreaming darling" You both laughed and held hands as the chairs were turning even faster. At one point the air was to rapid through her hair and it detached her hairdo, you Heard her groan as her hair moved everywhere including her face while she looked at you. "Oh come on why"

"It's fine mina just let it go"

"It's a good thing this was not a wig"

You laughed again as You pushed the hair out of her face and saw her eyes shining with joy, you don't think you ever saw her so happy your whole life, and you thought maybe she never has been.

"I love you y/n"

She said as her hair flew behind her like a beautiful main. You couldn't help but put your hands around her face and bring her for a kiss. Your lips lingered on hers for a while, hands stoking her cheek and breathing linked and she pulled away questioning. "Why the kiss?"

"I just couldn't not kiss you right then"

"But in front of all these people ? Children"

"They won't die because I kissed the woman I love. They've seen people kiss before, they'll be fine"

"But the people here ?"

"I don't give a single fuck about them, I love you and they better get over it."

"I love you too" You enjoyed the rest of the ride, and after you got down you went to get wilhemina's cane for her, and as it took a little longer before she got out of it like the rest you heard someone tell her to get off the swing because people were waiting. You immediately turned around and went up to him, her stepped back a little "What did you just say ?"

"I..i said that this bitch needs to get off of the swing or learn to leave others their turn"

"You better shut the fuck up now, or else you really aren't going to enjoy the ride with a broken nose and bleeding face."

"Is that a threat ?"

"No it's a promise."

"It's unacceptable she ne.."

"And you need to stick your patience up your ass and fuck off. She'd be out of there in a second if you were able to keep your fucking mouth shut, now I bet you don't have any one in your life who has a disability except you because you are clearly having a stroke so let me tell you this. You say anything offensive to my wife. And I'll have your fucking ass in the floor."

"How dare you ? Telling all this in front of my kids"

"Maybe it'll teach them not to be complete assholes to people. Now your kids didn't say anything you did. So maybe you could thing about that"

"M'am you have to hurry..and keep your distance with the rest of the clients" The bold men tried to respond.

"But...i..i" ."

"we'll be out in a sec.. You. Save it. I honestly don't give a shit about your opinion, I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing it for her. Because if she weren't there I would have already been in jail for beating your ass. I'll say it once. Stay. Away. From. her. And keep your thoughts to your two inches long brain."

You went back to give her her cane and you both left the swings, glaring one last time at the men, who looked like he was about to piss his paints.

"Don't bother him, he's an ass"

"You don't always have to get in trouble for me"

"You're kidding right ? He was practically begging me to tell him off. Besides no one talks to you like this and gets away with it on my watch"

"He looked like a kid cought cheating have to admit watching you It was a little hot." She whispered in your ear

"Happy to oblige" you said as you pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and grazed her cheek. After that she bent forward a little and lifted her arms to try and do her hair back which you knew could hurt her.

"Hey hey no.. leave it" you said as you put your hands on hers.

"Let's sit over here baby"

You said while taking her to a small stair bench.

"Sir over here I'll sit on the one higher.

"Oh okay"

You settled her between your knees and asked for her hair tie.

"Do you really want to put it up again ? You know I love your hair down like this, you look so beautiful"

"I know you do, but it's our thing you know, I don't want it to become banal, I like that you're the only one who sees me like this, it makes it special"

"We have other things that are private darling, just because you go out with your hair down it doesn't mean it's not special anymore. I still get to see you in your nightwear or with a messy tee-shirt and a lazy bun."

"I know but still, I prefer keeping it up please"

"Okay baby no problem, can I put it up how I want ?"

"..fine yes, but no funny business"

"Of course" you said as you kissed her neck. You started sectioning her hair, brushing it through your fingers, huming softly. And you started breading, strands of hair between your hands, one over the other. Starting from up and then going down. Wilhemina relaxing visibly in your embrace, letting her head slightly back.

"Oooooooh, I am not the only traveler, who has not repaid His debt, I've been searching for a trail to follow again take me back to the night we met, and then I can tell myself what the hell am I supposed to do.

I had all and then most of you some and now none of you. Ooh

Take me back to the night we met.

"Here done"

"Can I sea ?"

"Let me just ..there "

"Oh..y/n"

"You don't like it ?"

"No..no i do like it.. it's different than what I'm used to"

"I figured you don't usually bread it because it's probably to painful, so I wanted to do something nice". "I love it y/n"

"You look beautiful"

She blushed softly before you kissed her lips.

Afterwards you were both a little hungry, so you took wilhemina to a candy shop, they sold many things like sugar canes and candy floss

You waited before asking Wilhemina what she wanted, and ordered a pomme d'amour for starters, and decided you would take candy floss to walk.

"It's going to be messy y/n we have to cut in"

"No..baby the whole thing is to bite it at the same time"

"I swear if you get my shirt stained"

"It won't willy"

"Oh you know I hate that nickname"

"That's why I use it willy"

She groaned and you both stood while you held the food.

"On three"

"Wait does that mean we bite on three or after three"

"Oh just bite it on three love"

"One."

"Two" you both said

"Three"

You both took a bite out of the apple, juices covering your taste buds and the sweet sugar envelope cracking.

You giggled with your mouths full  and finished the apple as much as you could, heads turning around to find a good angle and sharing the same space.

You noticed Wilhemina had sugar on her top lip corner.

"Baby you have a little something here"

"Oh..thank you"

She tried getting it off but it wasn't efficient. So you stepped closer.

"Here..let me do it" you said before setting down the rest of the dish and pressing her against you while your hands found her jaw and you kissed her soundly, she moaned a little when you bit her top lip. And grazed it with your tongue. It asked for entrance and Wilhemina granted it to you. You made out together for a little bit before parting a little and just holding each other for a while, pairs of hands around shoulders and hips.

After that you bought the candy floss and started walking around the park once again.

You both picked in each others sticks, exchanging looks, smiles and kisses.

Feeding each other bits every now and then.

After a dozen minutes you had both finished

And you kissed her again, sharing the taste of sugar between each other. Her cane pressed against her and her cheek in your hand.

"Thank you y/n"

"For what ?". "For giving my life purpose"

"Aw baby why do you have to be so damn cute ALL the time"

"I'm serious"

"Me too...and you don't need to thank me, you mean everything to me. Come here."

You said before taking her inside your arms, inhaling her sent and circling your arms around her frame. You pressed kisses in her hair and she place them in your neck.

"I love you so much Wilhemina"

She started to tear up a little bit before sniffling and hiding more inside your body.

"I mean it...baby you don't ever have to cry about that again..for I will hold you till the end of time itself. And in every one of your future life's I'll have you in my heart."

Time passed as you held each others before slowly getting going again.

You arrived at a shooting game, pushed animals were hanging from the walls and ceiling.

"Oh here let me win you something !"

"Oh come on darling these games are money black holes"

"Not if your good at it" she starting turning around and walking away

"Besides it's gun shooting you're not going to be any good at that love you don't own any. Also I think it's quite funny that yo..."

"Here m'am, ya just need to get those target over there to ya win"

"Huhh come on y/n, do you even know what I said"

"Ssh baby I gotta focus"

"Sshh? So you shush me now ?"

You ignored her rambling as your hands settled their positions and you started shooting the first few bullets hitting right on the targets, five bullets later you heard a ringing sound and the guy stunned by your performance started

"Well m'am I'll be honest I wasn't expecting ya to win on the first try. But here ya go, you can pick one of them little stuffed animals"

"Mm I'll have this one for my lady over there "

"Excellent choice...here there ya go ... have a nice day birdies"

You giggled and thanked him as you went up to Wilhemina and gave her the white furry bunny you had won.

"So since you were so supportive I'll just keep it to myself"

"...I'm sorry baby...i just didn't want you to waste your money" "I know"

You said as you handed her the toy, "it's for you baby", "Oh.. really ? Wow it's the first time my lover...well anyone wins me something at a game"

"Looks like I'm your first on lots of things babe"

"Heyy" she responded while jabbing your shoulder "Aww why do you always do that, I think I need to go check it at the hospital."

"Oh don't be A baby y/n"

"Well you're the one standing with a bunny in your arms so who's really the baby huh?" She frowned before she joined you in laughter. You walked hand in hand with her gift under her hand. The sun was starting to set slowly as you both chatted and enjoyed the rest of the day.

"Let's get married"

"...What ?"

"Here let's get married now"

"..y/n ? I don't understand...I'm not sure it's a good idea"

"Chill baby I meant there" you said as you pointed the small church in the middle of the other attractions.

"It says it celebrates unions and marriages, but nothing actually official"

"Oh .."

"So let's get married here darling. Let's have our unofficial official ceremony now"

You said as you led her to the counter

"Wait..."

"It's okay you don't want to"

"No..no I definitely want to, I'm just straddled, and what If they don't celebrate our 'marriage', baby there are no legal obligations here"

"Well I don't care if they don't celebrate 'Our' marriage. I'll find another fake church that does, but we have to try frist right ?"

She nodded and took your hand.

"Hello ladies how May I help you"

You both looked at each other and she smiled.

"We would like to get married." "Alright, are you married irl ?" "Nope"

"I have to inform you this is all outside of any actual legal union, this mariage is only valid here, and in your hearts."

"We know"

"Perfect then. Follow me" You arrived in a room filled with dressed and suits, the man asked if you wanted to pay before or after, you decided to do it now, Wilhemina didn't even notice you did. "I'll let you approximately 30 minutes to choose your formal wear and get dressed, an hour to prepare your vows and will Then accompany the... well brides walk down the aisle"

"If it's easier i don't mind being already there."

"Oh yes good. Anyway, I'll let you change, there are two different Rooms with staff so you don't see each other until marriage"

"Thank you". You both said before picking your outfits and trying on dresses and suits. After some time the man came back and took Wilhemina before letting you know where was the aisle. You waited there with the pastor, who didn't look used to celebrating marriages between women, but who wasn't mad about it. The music started and there was no one else in the church except for the few staff and you both. The doors opened and you saw your girlfriend walk arm in arm with the guy who welcomed you in. She looked ethereal, beautiful you had never seen such beauty before, her hair was in a beautiful hairdo, half down half up, a bunch of colored flowers in her hair and even a purple orange make-up.

She walked gracefully, her dress following her and a veil attached to her flower crown.

"Hey"

"Hey...wow, you...look... amazing...I'm so lucky" she blushed before being handled her cane and replied "Well...I must say You're not so Bad yourself y/n"

"Erm erm.. We are reunited today. To celebrate the union of two beautiful souls, linked together by life. Two hearts beating at the same pace, two bodies sharing one path. We are here, in the evening of this bright full day, to make the two women standing here, married, for better and for worst until death do them apart...If i may have the rings. " He took them and turned to Wilhemina "You will now exchange your vows"

"Oh..lord..sorry. this is the part I'm not going to be good at. But you already know that.

You know every part of me. Every single piece I've yet to discover. You hold them, in your arms. Steady, fierce, protective, bringing me the safe home i could have never hope to have. And yet here you stand. By my side every day. You hold my heart, and you make my sun hang, so bright yet so easy, in my sky. I didn't believe I could ever be liked. And you showed me unconditional love.

I didn't believe I was pretty, you made me feel like the most beautiful goddess in the world. I didn't believe I could feel it, but darling, you are the person I love like I would have never believed such feeling existed.. I am not good at expressing feelings, I find them to abstract, to volatile to be caught by my words. So I chose the ones of someone else that resonated with me so hard I believe them to be our own.

'You belong with me, my love. And I belong with you. We should live life side by side, In everything we do. You belong with me today, For now and ever more. And I belong with you, my dear, The one that I adore. We were meant to be, I know; It’s written in the stars. I love the way we are as one, And everything you are. Just think of all the moments Aligning for us to meet, So once we found each other, We were bound to feel complete. But this part of our story, We’ll sit and write together. Hanging memories on the wall,of the home we’ll share forever. So, both of us are certain. As we each say ‘I do’, That you belong with me, my love, And I belong with you." As she was done and the tears spilled from your eyes the pastor gave her a ring and spoke again.". "Now you will repeat after me as you place the ring on her, -I take you, y/f/n" "I take you y/f/n" ; "—to be my wedded Wife" "To be my wedded Wife"

"— to have and to hold from this day forward"; "To have and to hold from this day forward"

"—for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer''; "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer" ; "—in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,"; "in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,". "—till death do us part"

"Till death do us part"

She said as she finally settled the ring she picked out on you.

"You will now exchange your vows to your bride."

".. Wilhemina, every time I dreamed about love, it was always me finding it, searching, like a lost salior for my beloved boat.But little did I know, love would find me, it would find a way through my heart, in between the cracks of it, sunshine would bring healing. I remember when I first fell in love. The intensity, the warmth, I remember her smile, her hair. I remember how hard I loved. How wrong I may have, probably because of the youth. I remember how much it had hurt. When she was taken away from me. When I could no longer hold her body, when everything from her had immediately and indefinitely turned to dust. I remember how I cursed at the wind, yelled, screamed, cried, abused whatever God had been responsible for it, responsible for this pain love had brought. I swore, I swore to never love ever again. And I tried, I begged for love to leave me alone. I dreamed it would never hurt again. And I remember when I found you, and you found me. How utterly lost we had been. How stupid it was for me to think I would not fall for you.

For your smile.

For your laugh.

For your eyes.

For your tears of joy and sorrow. For every single beat of your heart. How stupid I had been, To think I would never fall again. But the truth is, I spent all these years climbing, to afraid, to hurt, to coward, to actually jump. But the more high you gain The longer and harder the fall. And man, did I fall. And man, how did it feel so terribly perfect to do so. And man, little did I know, you could make me fly. I wasn't scared anymore. It didn't hurt. It was the answer I had been searching for all of my life. The one I didn't know was within me all along, the one you brought to life. It was love, love was the answer. No Our, our love was the answer. I'm so completely and unapologetically in love with you. You, you, you it's always been you. And the stars are watching, they are jealous, and they talk because never in the eternal burn they experience, never did they see souls shine so bright. Our connection goes beyond speaking, you choose words to express what you want to say. I want words to choose how to express what I say.  In truth, we married each other that first night, in bed, we had been married by our bodies, but now we stand in history—what our bodies had said, mouth to mouth, we now said publicly, gathered together.

'I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz, or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:i love you as one loves certain obscure things, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself, and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose from the earth lives dimly in my body. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you directly without problems or pride: I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love, except in this form in which I am not nor are you, so close that your hand upon my chest is mine, so close that your eyes close with my dreams... We, unaccustomed to courage exiles from delight, live coiled in shells of loneliness, until love leaves its high holy temple and comes into our sight to liberate us into life. Love arrives and in its train come ecstasies, old memories of pleasure, ancient histories of pain. Yet if we are bold, love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls. We are weaned from our timidity, In the flush of love’s light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love, which sets us free.'.. Today i stand here, as i will stand for as long as my fragile body allows me to, perhaps then I will sit, or lay, by your side my dear, always. And love within me blooms, and makes flowers from every cell in me grow. I will choose you over and over again love, I will hold you close, I will give you peace, I will bring you home. In me. In my heart."

"Now, for the ring.."

He gave you the one you'd picked for her, a thick golden string with amethyst, and Carnelian.

"-I take you, Wilhemina venable"

"I take you, Wilhemina venable"

"-to be my wedded Wife"

"To be my wedded Wife"

"- to have and to hold from this day forward"

"To have and to hold from this day forward"

"- for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer

"for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer"

"-in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,"

"in sickness and in health to love and to cherish,

"-till death do us part"

You finally slid the ring on her finger before saying.

"Till death do us part

"Perfect, you may now kiss the bide."

You turned to Wilhemina, picked the veil covering her face, lifted it and placed it backwards before taking she took her face in her hands and yours grabbed her hips, bending her slightly backwards before stealing her lips in the most beautiful and delicious kiss you both had the chance to share, oxygen wasn't even needed as your whole body experienced full Bliss, during the embrace you heard, no felt her mumble 'i love you' to which she know you replied by kissing her harder tumbling a little before parting away, faces close, smiles on both of your lips. You walked down the aisle tightly pressed together her hair darked than usual with the dim candle light. And as you went through the door, bells rang and you felt rice being thrown at you from somewhere you couldn't spot. Eventually you got outside, turned to your wife and spun her around before kissing for what would most definitely not be the last time of the day, body pressed together like it will be during your Wedding night.

When you came back home both of your touch yas tender yet urgent, you took no time to

Set your things, just immediately riding her of her day clothes and coat, slamming the door with your feet and taking her upstairs. Before the bedroom door you lifted her up over the threshold, "tradition is sacred my darling"

"Shut up and just make love to me"

Shortly you were both in your underwear, your body on top of hers, cradling her with kisses and caresses, your lips all over her body.

You began to take her nipple in your mouth and play with the other one, her back arched and she moaned loudly, you were starting to kiss your way down her body but she stopped you.

"I..I..want us to cum...together"

"I can't refuse my baby now"

You dragged down her body before teasing her inner thigh and kissing her clit, making sure she was wet enough, you went up her body again, your hand between her legs stating to work her up. Your own hand finding yourself, toying with your panties before sitting back and touching yourself for her to see. Once you were both ready you aligned both of your centers, and lowered yourself on her. Hearing a moan from both of your throats as the contact was a delightful bliss. Your moans filled the room as you rubbed your clitorises faster, wet sounds coming from the friction. "Uh..uH baby I'm getting close"

"..wait a bit for me.. can you do that ?"

"Uhh..yeah..yeaH" You doubled your efforts and before you knew it she was cumming all over you which triggered your own orgasm. You fell on her body, legs intertwined as your bodies sank into each others. Still catching her breath Wilhemina couldn't stop herself from laughing.

"...We got married...in an amusement park";

"We did baby...".

".....I love you";

"I love you too baby"

A/n: the italic pieces are bits of different poems, I couldn't settle for one, if you think cutting a poem is sacrilegious I'm sorry but I believe that Words and art is ment to be movements, live and change though our experiences of then, pieces of structure that you can use to build. your own.

[softomi]

The Alternatives

prompts: When we feel like we aren’t in control, we’ll reorganize ourselves; we’ll think of other solutions; but in the end, we’ll always find ourselves where we began. 

My dream may not have begun with you, but it sure as hell will end with you.

pairing: oikawa x reader

Your keys twirled on your finger, they jingled against each other as you entered the gym. The ball smacks against the floor during the two men’s argument. The quarrel created tension in the bare gym, the two boys at each other’s necks.

“Will it be worth it?!” Iwaizumi was gripping Oikawa by the material of his shirt, “When you finally injure yourself enough to be forced to quit, will you finally be satisfied?”

“Maybe!” Oikawa pushed his arm away, hands reaching down to grab one of the fallen volleyballs. The ball in his hand slips from his grip when he spots you through the net. He attempts to cool the high rising of his chest, “Y/n.” He whispers your name.

“Tooru.” You wave at him.

Oikawa’s head tilts at the way Iwaizumi knocks him with his fist, “Stupid.” Iwaizumi states as he leaves to gather his things.

You sit on the bench, legs swaying, you bid farewell to Iwaizumi as he leaves. The male simply pats your head, a habit he developed from when you were the small freshman in high school. You hear him faintly whisper under his breath, asking you to tame the beast on the court.

Oikawa’s eyes linger on the way Iwaizumi touches your hair, waiting for him to leave the gym before he walks to you. You flash him a smile, one he hopes you only give him, as he approaches you. His shoulders slump when he takes a seat next to you, eyes glued to the volleyball he’s placed between his feet.

“Are you here to yell at me too?” His voice is soft compared to the roar he gave his friend.

You sway slightly, just enough for your shoulders to bounce off of his, your lips hum, “No.” You see the way his lips pout but yet his eyes are shaking, “I can already tell you’re doing it to yourself.”

That’s what he liked about you, no; it was what he loved about you. You were like water, fizzling the flame coursing his veins, providing life to his wounds.

“Do you think I should quit volleyball?”

Your swaying ceased, you noticed the way his eyes were no longer shaking, they were still as they stared deep into the ball. He was serious, just like he always was when this thought passed his mind; for someone who breathed for the sport, some days he gets the wind knocked out of him.

“Okay.” The way his eyes shot to look at you, it almost made you jolt, “Well.” You say, “What’s plan B then?” You bring your gaze to stare at the net, “Let’s strategize. Plan A is professional volleyball, what’s plan B?”

He takes the ball into his hands, “Plan B.” The words roll off his tongue, “I could teach volleyball.”

Your lips pull into a grin. Of course. You think, “Okay. Plan C?”

“Definitely a model.”

Your head nods, “Definitely. Plan D?”

Oikawa purses his lips, “Oh! I could be a referee for volleyball games.”

“I feel like you would be very biased.” You counter.

He lets out a flabbergasted gasp, “I would never.”

“Says the person who refereed a checkers game between me and Iwaizumi. You definitely saw me cheat.”

The ball is abandoned on the ground as Oikawa turns to you, “I saw nothing. You won fair and square.”

You cackle at his comment, “Okay. Then, plan E?”

You waited as he stared at you. He gave you one of those looks, one that you just couldn’t entirely pinpoint where his thoughts were leading him. Most times you could read him like the back of your hand, but then he gives you this look; as if those other times he was letting you read him.

“I marry you.” You froze yet he was so nonchalant, “Then we get a big house and have lots and lots of kids. Enough to make a volleyball team.” A smile graces your lips, you let him ramble. He names your children, plans where they’d go to school, plans the ages of each child, “And then when our last child gets married and moves out of the house, we’ll move to the country side where I’ll teach the neighborhood kids how to play the greatest sport ever, volleyball.”

The excitement in his voice dwindles, his eyes staring at the net. You perk your head to him, viewing his still expression; the longingness in his eyes, “Plan A sounds like the most pleasing doesn’t it.”

Oikawa meets your gaze, “It’s my dream.” His voice falls to a whisper, “I worked so hard to get here, I can’t just stop.”

“I know.” Your voice is flat, “I’m so proud of you, how far you’ve come, everything you’ve achieved.” Your shoulders brush against his, your head falling onto his shoulder, “You worked so hard.”

Oikawa was someone you wondered would he ever be satisfied. When he tasted victory, would it fulfill him or would it make him hungrier? Even on days when he was designated as being off from volleyball, his mind still raced to get ahead; it was what you loved about him. Every second he grew passionate and failure made him starved.

“Shall we go home?” He asks after moments of silence, “Tomorrow’s Monday.”

You ponder his statement for a minute, “I don’t think it would be fair to leave without showing me some of what you were practicing.”

The way his lips contort into a grin, he turns to you, placing a kiss onto the top of your head, “Since you asked.”

He’s eager to grasp the ball, back facing you as he runs to the court. You automatically pull out your phone, opening the camera app to switch to video mode. You stand to your feet, making your way to the opposite side of the net.

“If it looks like it’s coming too close.” He calls out.

“I know I know.” You wave him off, “Duck, run, just basically get out of the way.” You pull the phone down to look at him, “You act like I haven’t gotten hit by one of your serves before.”

“You act like it didn’t give you a concussion.” Oikawa sticks out a tongue to you.

“Yeah well,” You stomp, “Just go.”

It falls silent. His footsteps are ghostly mute, the ball is tossed in the air, he jumps; his palm slapping against the ball. It lands strikingly in front of you, just centimeters in front of your position before bouncing off the floor and over to the side. A chill danced on your spine and you couldn’t help the astonished gasp coming from your mouth.

“Was it too close?” Oikawa moves closer to the net, a slight jog in his step.

“No.” You choke out, “it was perfect. Let’s get a few more.”

His second serve was just as perfect, it landed slightly closer but enough for it to not hit you. As he jumped in the air for a third time, your eyes remained locked on the ball; unconsciously you moved forward a centimeter, you could hear your name come from his mouth as the ball knocked against your shoulder; you fell back, your cell flew from your hands and instinctively you held your pained shoulder.

“Hey.” Oikawa was in your line of vision but his expression blurred in and out. The pain was almost unbearable, “Just wait a second okay.”

You were shouting obscenities, it helped to dull the pain. Perhaps if you were a volleyball player, you’d be able to bounce back from this quicker, but being an average fan who loved to watch instead of play; the pain was much worse than it ever looks on professional players.

Oikawa was pressing a cold pack onto your shoulder. You were finally able to sit up, your shoulder completely sore and numb from the cold. After a few minutes, Oikawa insisted on seeing your shoulder. His looks softened into concern when you lifted your shirt to expose the patch of skin. He tried not to apply pressure as he grazed the portion of skin already starting to purple from the deep impact. He can only image how much darker it would turn out the next day.

“I told you if it got too close.”

“I know.” You state.

“No.” Oikawa’s eyes are sharp, holding back the shakiness that he feels, “What if something happened? It could have hit you right in the face, you’d have another concussion. Tomorrow we’re taking you to the doctor.”

“Tooru, I’m fine.” You try to play it off by moving his hand but his fingers graze against the forming bruise with pressure and you wince.

He helps you stand up, a frown on his lips, “We’re going, who knows, I probably took out your shoulder. Gosh, your mom is going to kill me. She already hates me because I gave you a concussion.”

“If you keep bringing it up, of course she’s going to hate you.” His hand holds yours, his eyes staring at your throbbing shoulder. Your hand brushes against his cheek, “I’m fine.” You attempt to reassure him.

He lowers himself, pulling the neck of your shirt to reveal the spot of skin. He presses a kiss onto the tender spot, a kiss on your neck, a peck on your chin, lips on your cheek, and he draws a breath from your lips.

The flush of your cheeks distracts you from the pain. Your hand instinctively lifts to pull him down for another kiss, but a hiss escapes your mouth as you forget about your shoulder. Oikawa is practically grinning with glee.

“Was my kiss just that good, you need more?” Oikawa leans down, a cocky grin on his lips.

“Never mind.” You push away his puckering lips, walking to your things sitting on the bench.

“Aw, wait for me.”

You sit idly, watching him clean up his mess of volleyballs. You throw instructions at him periodically and he gladly tries to comply. He’s adamant on carrying your bag for you, leaving you to intertwine your fingers with his as you two exit the gym.

“Can we not tell your mom I ruined your shoulder.”

You laugh, “Okay, we’ll just tell her Iwaizumi did it. She’d never get mad at him. She still thinks I could have a shot at marrying him.”

He lets out an audible gasp, “Don’t even joke about that.” Oikawa twirls a strand of your hair when you two stop at the front doors, “If you do, I’ll just skip to plan F.”

“Plan F?”

Oikawa uses his fingers to aim at you, his tongue pokes out teasingly, he lets out a pop from his lips, “Shot-gun wedding.”

“That’s it, I’m leaving you for Hajime.”

[dent-de-leon]

Mollymauk, 4, 5, 11, 13, 14, 15, 21, 22 :D (feel free to trim down if this is too many)

asksjkdf I'm sorry in advance because I got a little carried away so this got a little long, but thanks for the ask! I love any and every excuse to talk about Mollymauk...

4.) Best places to kiss on their body

I think Molly is actually very partial to forehead kisses! I feel like he uses that to ground Caleb in part because it’s something that’s always been very comforting to him--for instance, when Yasha finally gets to embrace him again, she also kisses his forehead. I think I remember Molly doing this for the twins back at the carnival too, so I feel like it’s a habit he picked up from the circus? Just the kind of little thing you do for someone to show you love them.

Aside from that, I think he would really appreciate a kiss on the neck, where most of his blood hunter scars--and that haunting red Eye--are. A bit of loving tenderness to soothe the pain.

5.) Guilty pleasures

Oh I love this pick for Molly cause boY does he have a lot of these!! He builds a life off joy and hedonism, so he’s got this in spades. I forget where, but I’ve definitely seen someone theorize before that the reason base pleasures are so appealing to Molly is because he started out just feeling like an “Empty” body, so anything that’s very stimulating on a physical level is very grounding for him? I really like the idea of that. I think wanting to feel like he was really “alive” and “whole” is part of why he gravitated towards decadence and indulgence, anything that made his heart beat faster.

The episode where we get the famous “Long may I reign” scene definitely covers a lot of his favorite indulgences. But as much as he loves being spoiled, I think he also likes making sure the people he cares about are pampered like royalty too. Taliesin mentioned before that the reason Molly likes gold so much is because he’s got this very childish perception that money is Good because you can use it to get Nice Things that make other people Happy. Since Molly’s been alive for only two years, I feel like a lot of his guilty pleasures actually stem from this sort of sentiment. The fact that he’s still so young and everything in the world is very new and exciting and he just wants to be as happy as possible--and make his loved ones happy too. It’s a very endearingly innocent sort of view.

11.) Bad or petty habits

Hmmm I feel like the one thing that makes Molly the pettiest is when someone tries to tell him his tarot readings are bullshit lmao. Even if he mostly thinks so himself, he adamantly refuses to hear it from anyone else.

13.) What gets them flustered

I think whenever someone is being very genuine and having a real heart to heart with him. Molly is perfectly at ease talking bullshit or telling pretty lies. He’s also very comfortable being very sincere and compassionate when it comes to comforting others, like the little ways he’s always trying to cheer up Jester, the forehead kiss for Caleb, promising Fjord the Nein won’t let him die, bringing Yasha a four-leaf-clover with the wish that one day she’ll feel happier.

But whenever people are openly affectionate and trying to have an honest conversation with him? I think that makes him tense up and panic a bit. He’s not good with letting himself be vulnerable, dropping his showman’s performance. We actually see a lot of this when Molly is resurrected and starts going by Kingsley. He knows he has feelings for the Nein, but he’s definitely a little nervous and overwhelmed when he confronts that.

Several times, Caleb assures King he’s still welcome in the Nein, and that always makes Kingsley either defensive or very quiet, keeps catching him off-guard. “Well for starters, you are with friends.” “Perhaps this is your first time meeting us. It's our second time...Stick with us.” “We have a habit of taking in strays.” “This is the newest member of the band.” Being accepted just like that, loved by all the Nein so unconditionally, just like that? I think it leaves him a little shaken, because he doesn’t feel like he’s done anything to earn it. Like he doesn’t deserve to be this missed and wanted and loved.

14.) Ingrained habits/forces of habit

I think there are some nights where he keeps looking over his shoulder and feels like he’s being watched--when the Eyes of Nine start to itch and burn, when it feels like something’s crawling under his skin--and he looks at the mirror and swears he sees a face that looks just the same but somehow isn’t his. And for a while after he first wakes--and again when he’s resurrected--I think there are still moments when he’s scared or panicked and he’ll just keep repeating Empty over and over.

I also really like how Taliesin used to just pick a random card from his tarot deck to decide what Molly should do. I can definitely see Mollymauk doing something similar--just pulling a random card from his deck on a whim, trusting it’ll lead him in the right direction.

15.) What it takes to make them cry

I feel like Molly rarely cries, mainly because he hates feeling sorry for himself or ruminating on any bad memories. He’s kinda funny that way; he refuses to let himself be unhappy, especially when he feels like he’s always living on borrowed time. The one thing I can see really making him break down is seeing his loved ones hurting--he literally spits at the face of his own death, but I think he’s really terrified of losing someone else.

If there’s one scene where I can really see Molly crying, it’s when Jester falls in that final battle. When Caleb makes this desperate plea that breaks through to Molly for a single heart-wrenching moment, “You’re killing her, you’re killing her! You love her. You’re killing her!” The absolute horror of that shakes Lucien’s control for just a moment, and Molly claws at his own face in retaliation. You can just tell how much his heart is breaking just then, how scared he is, how much he must hate himself. I could definitely imagine Molly shedding a few tears right then, if he had enough control of the body to do it.

Having to watch Lucien use his body to kill Jester and Caleb, the amount of pain Lucien caused Yasha and all the others, the nightmares of his death and black chains that forever haunt him after--I think those are the kinds of things that would bring Molly to tears in his lowest moments. And when he finally reads Beau’s book and finds out about how Yasha suffered a similar fate under Obann? Yeah, I think he’d get choked up over that too.

21.) Turning points in their life

Oh, there’s so many interesting twists and turns Molly’s life takes in just a few short years. Undoubtably, I think every life, death, and rebirth left the biggest impact. The fact that he woke all alone that first time--and then found himself surrounded by so many loved ones a lifetime later--I think that had a profound impact on his sense of self worth and his attachment to others.

That first life, Molly convinces himself that he must have been someone awful before, to have been left alone in an unmarked grave on the side of the road. With no one who missed or mourned him. He believes he somehow deserves that fate. And when he’s taken in by the circus? Taliesin mentions he never spends more than 24 hours alone. He’s...very lonely, I think. Someone who can’t bear to be isolated again. So when he wakes up again to a whole family of people who love him? Who welcome him wholeheartedly and insist they’ll love him unconditionally, no matter who he is? It’s beautiful, and it means the world to someone like Mollymauk/Kingsley. “I’m looking forward to the future. And I hope to deserve to have woken up surrounded by such people.”

Molly’s also mentioned that it was the Moonweaver who helped guide him when he first woke, who gave him comfort in having a new start in life. “Can you imagine what it would feel like to not feel anything about anything that had happened to you so far?...It’s very freeing. It’s the best thing--It’s the thing that happened to me. It’s not the best thing that happened to me, it’s the thing that happened to me. I found peace in building a new person. The Moonweaver--” However he came to worship the Moonweaver, I think it was definitely one of the most formative experiences in all his lives. I also like to headcanon the woman in a red coat Molly/King met in his dream was another visit from the Moonweaver, and she was either trying to return his memories or offer him another chance at a fresh start.

22.) People who’ve influenced them greatly

Oh, pre-campaign I think Molly modeled a lot of his behaviors and mannerisms after others in the circus, especially Gustav. He’s the one who named Mollymauk and presumably the one who spent the most time raising him and caring for him in that Empty period.

Molly has his own set of morals he feels very strongly about, and it’s entirely learned from the circus, “Things came back quick, and the circus helped. They were good people. They did a lot for me, and joy can fill an awful lot of a person’s life.” “I may be a liar, but I’m never a betrayer. I’m honest in my work and I believe in doing a good turn...I stayed with that circus for two years, and I know how people treat each other. It’s important.” When Molly is resurrected again, I think all of the Mighty Nein have very much the same effect on him.

[ally-127]

What about first kiss with Wonwoo and poor baby is nervous because he really likes you

colour

pairing : barista!wonwoo x reader word count : 1.6k warnings : none! like one curse word used in a positive context, i guess. music : ‘love like that’ by lauv a/n : a little bit of domestic life here with mr jeon ++ happy comeback day everyone!! i‘m enjoying the album so far i hope you did too!!

in your life, there weren’t many things that were vivid, dynamic.

everything was set with a clear outline. you graduated with a degree your parents had chosen for you. you settled down in an apartment downtown of seoul, got a job in a company your father had recommended for you. you lived your life from nine to five every day exactly how your parents had wanted you to live.

all of it was fine-tuned to your parents’ desires.

you were beyond grateful for all they have given you. but there was a lack of colour, of taste, in your life. your day-to-day activities ran mostly on a flat curve, all in monochrome and it made you shrivel up, almost resorting to ignorance.

and that was until you met wonwoo.

you labelled meeting him as a coincidence but later he labelled it as fate, to which you laughed in his face and said,

“there’s no such thing as fate.”

you met him at a small café that only took a five-minute walk from your apartment. you were the only customer when you arrived at half-past nine in the morning, making a dark-haired barista and a load of empty chairs and tables your only company.

you didn’t mind, though.

there were many things you were used to.

solitude was only one of the many.

that was until the dark-haired barista—whom you eventually found out was called wonwoo—began to strike up a conversation with you after he handed you an iced latte you’d ordered.

for the first time since high school, someone paid attention to you and took interest in you. it was extremely sad, now that you thought about it, but it was nothing short of a life-changing revelation.

it was so mundane, the small talk you had with him, but at least it brought some colour—feeling—into your life.

you visited the café more often after that.

you learned that he was a quiet one, one that kept to himself around others, often only murmuring under his breath and barely looking them in the eye when he served their drink by the little counter at the end.

you were the only one, well you hoped you were the only one, who could see his feline eyes light up with recognition once they landed on your face.

it was when you visited him one day after he closed up the café that you realised he actually owned the place.

he laughed, brushing away your awe and told you it had been a dream of his to open one since he was a teenager. his hands were tucked into the pockets of his jeans then, raven hair falling across his arched brow as he looked down at the ground, embarrassed.

an unknown feeling, something of a slight thrill, if not excitement, seized your entire being when he asked you, quietly, if you wanted to have dinner with him that night.

you had hints of this excitement over the past month you began to see him during your short run for coffee, in a rush for work or after work, when you made use of the wifi there and completed your work in your usual seat by the window.

just as the conversations between you and him became deeper, so did your friendship.

you two basked in the warmth of after-hours in the café, diving into topics like the childhoods you experienced in different regions of the country or things like the books you enjoyed reading or the food you liked eating.

it was simple. like cookie crumbs, the two of you unintentionally collected bit by bit about each other and became friends who knew every single one of each other’s secrets.

not long after, wonwoo started to take you to places in seoul you’d never been to, even if you had lived there your entire life. he introduced you to new people—his close circle of friends—and had unknowingly opened up your mind, your heart.

before you knew it, you were too engrossed by everything about him to back out from any social setting anymore.

his kind-hearted nature was irresistible to you. his sweet smile was like pure serotonin, the only drug you ever needed on a bad day. you found yourself needing to be around him more often than not.

you liked watching the crinkle of his nose when you told a bad joke and feeling the shy glances he threw your way on the days you decided to put in more effort into your appearance.

thanks to wonwoo, you had finally broken out of your shell but it wouldn’t be you if you didn’t feel some sense of self-doubt, especially when you were constantly surrounded by new friends night after night for drinks and dinner.

so you decided to ask him as you two sat by the ocean in busan.

“why me?”

“what do you mean?” his hair, tousled by the prevailing wind, blew across his forehead when he turned his head to meet your eyes.

the picnic you had was situated by the cliff, on a grassy plain behind the rocks where the view of the sea could still be seen. your recent convenient store purchases of gimbap and cup ramyeon and your favourite fizzy drinks were littered across the blanket, waiting to be consumed by two hungry adults.

it was his idea to take a train here for a weekend getaway, renting a car and even booking a hotel room.

whether he booked one or two, you didn’t ask.

“on the first day we met, why did you decide to talk to me? why even help me at all?” you sipped on your drink, the sweetness bringing about nostalgia from the past of when you were younger and had a sweeter tooth than now.

“to be honest,” wonwoo scratched the nape of his neck. “you reminded me a little of myself back in high school, so confined within the walls of your own mind.”

before you could defend yourself teasingly, he added,

“and you were beautiful, more than anyone i’d ever seen.”

with that you were left speechless.

“wonwoo, i—“

“i know everything between us right now is strictly platonic,” he began. “but you have to hear me out on this.”

you nodded.

“the thing is i-“ he averted his gaze from you to the blues of the waters below as he said, barely a whisper. “i like you.”

your lips parted, your blood rushing like rapids in your ears. “wonwoo.”

“i like you,” he said again, in case his words got lost in the wind.

you took a moment to digest it.

his deep voice, his tall frame, his broad shoulders. he was attractive, and hell of course you knew that. anyone with eyes would.

with wonwoo, however, it was beyond that.

your safe haven where you went to just let go, to be free, wasn’t a place.

it was by wonwoo’s side, quite literally.

throughout the many mental breakdowns you had over the course of your job, he was the first one who came to mind when you were in need of relief. to be frank, you probably knew wonwoo had your heart as soon as you laid eyes on him.

you loved him before you even knew it.

the crash of waves and seagulls squawking away into the open led you out of your reverie.

his eyes, squinted from the sunlight, was still aimed at you. his teeth nibbled on his bottom lip, his fingers fidgeting. it was a habit he had, especially when he was nervous.

there was something that snapped in you that you just thought, fuck it, leaned over to cup your hands under his jaw, and pulled him in. you didn’t touch his lips, yet.

you let your mouth linger by his for a moment, your eyes fluttering.

he took a sharp inhale between your lips, insinuating that his nerves had not calmed.

you simply laughed and pressed your lips on his. the impact made you fall into his embrace, your body falling atop of his clumsily. his lips were soft on yours, slowly stretching into a smile as if he’d just realised the girl he wanted was kissing him. his arms wound tight around your waist to tug you closer.

his sugary taste was addicting, the skillful tease of his tongue across your bottom lip flaring up foreign sensations deep within you. arms wrapping around his neck, you remained in this position for a hot minute, till you both ran out of breath.

pulling away for air, you held yourself up with hands against the blanket.

“i love you,” you whispered into his ear.

after hearing that wonwoo flipped you over. his face bore a surreal glow when he hovered over you, flashing his pearly whites at you. “i changed my mind.”

“how so?” you raised a brow, a smirk teasing your lips.

“i don’t like you,” he lowered himself down to whisper into your ear.

“you don’t?” you smiled even more, knowing exactly what he meant.

“yeah,” he nuzzled his nose into your neck. “i looooove you.”

“you corny prick,” your chuckle was vibrant, like the blue of the sky above. it reverberated, prominently, against his chest, a melody he never wanted to forget. your fingers threaded through his soft hair, savouring the feeling of his steady heartbeat against your own.

“says the one who kissed me without saying anything first,” he offered grin of his own as he rose back up.

“actions speak louder than words.”

“they do, don’t they?”

just like that, everything you wanted, colour, had bled into your life like the prettiest of paints.

[hinac0lada]

I DON’T LIKE YOUR SHAMPOO

CHARACTER PAIRING | oikawa tooru x gn!reader

INFO | soulmate!au, fluff

WORDS | 1.9k 

NOTE | by the time i’m probably posting this, is one day before my beloved’s birthday FNKLFNGK ngl i’m pretty excited and i hope ya’ll are too (besides the fact that the manga is coming to an end but let’s not talk about that-) 

WARNINGS | NONE

more to see under the cut!

you live in a world where soulmate marks exist. everyone has different types of marks ranging from; timers, red strings of fate, roman numerals, half tattoos, etc. as you grow old, you watch people find their soulmates, and on some unfortunate occasions, lose them. 

each person had different views on the concept of soulmates, it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows all the time, but you stayed neutral after receiving every side of the spectrum that varied from the good side —  as well as the bad side of meeting their other halves.

you knew you were bound to meet your own soulmate either way, but you wouldn't get your hopes up just like that — until you received your soulmate mark on the morning of your 15th birthday.

it was a beautiful tattoo on your wrist. written were the words that your soulmate would say to you on your first encounter. your parents told you that the time and date of your encounter with them — along with their words to you, would turn golden as soon as you’ve said your first words to each other; just like how their soulmate mark worked. and although you were aware that every mark is different, you couldn’t help but raise a brow from confusion at the sentence that was permanently placed on your wrist.

‘well to be honest, i don’t like your perfume’

it read, an intriguing way to say to your soulmate, you thought to yourself. and that night, you couldn’t help but admire the pretty letterings on your wrist; rubbing your thumb against it, grinning from ear to ear like a fool. 

days went by from when you received your tattoo, you’d constantly wonder what your soulmate was like or when and how you were going to meet them. tracing your fingers along the tattoo turned into a habit whenever you’re bored or anxious about something. to add to that, the thought of their existence would sometimes consume you, and you’d be stuck in a loophole of questions and doubts. 

‘what if they don’t like me? or what if they don’t want to be my soulmate? what if they think i’m ugly? or a disappointment?’ 

regardless of the negative thoughts and worries you had in your head everyday, you were still eager to meet them — even if it takes a thousand years, a thousand hours, or maybe even if they are a thousand miles away, you can’t wait for the day that you’d get to meet them.

or what if it only takes a few months, or a few days? maybe even a few seconds? what if they were across the world? or just across the street? possibly next door? in spite of knowing not to get your hopes up, you can’t resist the anticipation of being face to face with the person you were promised to ever since the very beginning of your existence. 

and every day, you’d hold on to the wrist with your mark — the symbol of a promise to true love, hoping fate decides to take place sooner than expected. 

unbeknownst to you however, your true love was just within arm’s reach all this time.

it was the most awaited day of the academic year, the time where stressed out seniors get to relax for a whole day to indulge themselves in new sights and bond with their fellow batch mates before the dreaded era of finals — field trip day. 

everyone had their own plans, going to after school hang outs right after the planned trip, a handful bringing digital cameras to capture each moment , that one kid in class who has great taste in music providing the speaker, and the rest just going with the flow of today’s agenda.

while the majority of students did plan their seating arrangements on the bus, you, on the other hand, decided against it. in your opinion, it wasn’t a big deal. it was just a 2 hour drive to the destination so what could possibly go haywire? plus, it didn’t matter who was your companion on the bus, it’d open up the opportunity to get to know unfamiliar faces, being divided by classes and all, so what could possibly go wrong?

maybe, possibly everything.

who would’ve thought, out of all of your batch mates, you get to sit beside the grand king himself, oikawa tooru.

it wasn’t like his personality was completely intolerable, it’s the complete opposite, really. he was charming, greeting you with a close eyed grin before sitting down next to you. in the face of all the chaos his friends warned you the male would bring— plus the many chilling glares from his countless fan girls, his presence never shook you the wrong way at all.

you weren’t complete strangers, but you weren’t well acquainted either. you were in a different class and the only time you’d see his pretty face was when you’d pass each other in the hallways. but, what's there not to like about oikawa tooru? he was attractive, a gentleman, a charmer, a friendly being, and everything was as easy as apple pie.

“hey, just a heads up, shittykawa over here has a habit of sleeping on anyone’s shoulder. don’t be afraid to push his head aside when you’re uncomfortable.” iwaizumi hajime, his best friend and the hunk of aoba johsai, patted your shoulder reassuringly before taking his seat behind the two of you, alongside him was hanamaki takahiro and matsukawa issei - who were snickering at the flustered setter beside you. 

for some reason, you thought iwaizumi was just joking or he said that to make oikawa look bad — in which he failed. and so you didn’t take his statement seriously, disregarding it completely. and now you regret ever doing so, because it turned out to come true, eventually biting you back in the ass.

things took a turn when you suddenly felt the weight of the world on your shoulder  — idiomatically and literally.

it was exactly 30 minutes into the drive to your destination and you were on your phone to pass by the time, minding your own business when you suddenly felt pressure on your shoulder. you peered at your shoulder, only to be met with the sight of a sleeping oikawa, snoring lightly with his lips slightly parted.

you stayed still as a rock, not wanting to disturb his slumber - which he probably needed. although you didn’t plan to get him off your shoulder any time soon, you were clueless as to what to do if he doesn’t wake up. you glanced at his friends, who were expecting the whole thing to happen.

“do you need help with him?” hanamaki questioned, taking notice of your gaze at their trio. iwaizumi took your loss of words as agreement and got ready to shake his friend awake, until you stopped him.

“i-it’s okay.. i don’t mind really,” you reassured the three, giving a warm smile before focusing back on your phone, catching glimpses of the sleeping oikawa once in a while. you were far from annoyed. if anything else, you found it comforting for no apparent reason, his warmth that is. 

once you knew he was deep in rest, you shifted to a much more comfortable position for the two of you, one where you can almost smell his scent. which was a big mistake, because you remembered your allergies to this specific shampoo which was unfortunately the one he had right now. 

loreal shampoo.

oh the terror it gave you, you started to get war flashbacks to when you used it on your own hair as well, the horror of sneezing until your eyes were watery sent shivers down your spine at the cringe. 

and as much as you attempted to conceal your allergies, it backfired in the end and now you were left in a mess; sneezing profusely while scrambling to get your medications. you cursed your sensitive nostrils, seeing as you’ve woken up the brunette beside you, unaware of the situation at hand, his half lidded eyes looking around in a daze.

in the process of consuming your medicine, he asked if you were okay, rubbing the tiredness away from his eyes. 

“i.. don’t like your shampoo.” you managed to reply back in the midst of trying to calm down from the sudden attack of your allergies. oikawa, being clueless as to what you were trying to imply, took offense in your words. yet you couldn’t blame him, your answer was quite vague and it caught him off guard.

“well to be honest, i don’t like your perfume,” he retorted back with a pout embellishing his features, earning him an awfully painful smack on the back of his head from iwaizumi, accompanied with the eye rolls coming from hanamaki and matsukawa.

“dumbass, they have rhinitis. your shampoo triggered their allergies” iwaizumi explained to the setter, who was wincing in agony from the impact. You were on the verge of apologizing when the words that escaped his lips gave a sense of familiarity, as though you were accustomed to the sentence.

and then it both hit you. oikawa’s brown eyes dilated with realization, that look of his says it all. it was happening. how could you ever forget those words you were longing to hear, those words that you knew would bring you to your destiny someday?

it felt too surreal, you were immobilized with disbelief and shock. 

but then you felt an itch on your hand. and in a synchronized manner, you and oikawa looked at your own wrists, it was really happening. he was your soulmate. your promised lover. 

‘7/19/20.

2:20 PM’

the letters read in gold ink, a sight to behold. (e/c) irises clashed with one of chocolate brown, filled with bewilderment. your face heated up at the sight of his pink tinted cheeks. you’ve found your way home.

“what’s going on? they’re acting strange...” matsukawa whispers in hanamaki’s ear, baffled at the scene in front of him. iwaizumi then points a finger at their wrists, the distinct color of gold catching his attention.

after a while of literally staring into each other’s souls, a hearty laugh escapes your lips. the corners of oikawa’s lips tugged into a genuine smile, in which you reciprocated with one of your own. 

you were grateful that your first encounter was one of mediocrity - in a good way, of course. it was as if you were meeting an old friend, the warmth that his gaze holds gave you a sense of comfort. 

that smile of his was practically screaming ‘you’re home’. you’ve finally met your soulmate; face to face, and now your destiny rests in his hands, while his rests on your own.

the situation eventually calmed down and you two finally accepted the fact that you are soulmates. the bus was silent, light snores echoing, and everything was tranquil. you could see oikawa’s struggle from the corner of your eyes, his eyelids getting heavier for the nth time, trying not to repeat his mistake from earlier. 

“oikawa-”

“tooru, call me tooru please,” he corrected, a lopsided grin plastered on his face. his eyes fluttering, attempting to stay awake. 

“tooru, it’s okay, you can sleep on my lap instead,” you chuckled, hearing him mumble his gratitude, his head making its way to your lap. it was as if immediately, he was off to dream land once again, your hands gently running through his soft locks whilst trying to doze off as well.

“y’know, i think we should recommend each other products sometime.”

“good idea, maybe after this trip, tooru.”

“deal. well, good night.. my soulmate.”

“sweet dreams, my home.”

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[btsandvmin]

What made you like Jimin individually and Taehyung individually ? And do you have a slight preference between the two ?

I love all the members so much, and for me picking a bias is still kind of difficult. I have concluded that I do bias both Jimin and Tae but kind of switch between them at different times for different reasons. As for a bias wrecker I legit cannot choose and it changes all the time.

The way I got into BTS was through the BST MV and then trying to learn the members (the first one I learned and checked up on was Namjoon). I also got fascinated by the BU storyline as storytelling and analysis/reviews is a big hobby of mine (the fandoms I’ve been in are many, and character/story analyses/reviews/theories are something I have engaged in a lot). 

On top of that I work in the media industry and have an interest for visual storytelling as well and I got hooked by the concepts, the beautiful MV and the both story-based and symbolical clues they left. I also loved their music and like groups in general because of the interesting vocal dynamics you can create.  Basically, BTS managed to hit all my buttons and I had to look up more.

Mind you, I barely knew the members' names properly and I was already investigating the meaning of their MV and storyline. I listened to their album and loved the songs before I could tell which member was who. (Both Awake and First love made me cry without even knowing the lyrics).  I also have to mention how much I love both of Vmin’s voices, who are both very unique and interesting. I basically biased their voices before I knew who they were. (Fun or sad fact but I am really bad with faces and actually learned the members' singing voices before their faces.)

Let’s just say that I got into the music and visuals/concept first, and then started to consume material to get to know the members. They all also had incredible chemistry between each other and reminded me a lot of one of my favorite j-pop groups with their dynamics. 

What I started to watch was “get to know them” videos and recent interviews and clips, meaning from BST era. It was hard for me to not notice Jimin (even though vocal line were the ones I had the hardest time separating from each other in the very beginning). And perhaps even more so since the introduction videos tended to have a lot better and varied things to say about Jimin amongst vocal line. But even on his own Jimin simply stood out to me during the BST era when I joined. He took a lot of space in the group as a performer (especially with his high notes, his dancing, his hair and his outfits all combined) but also as an individual in off stage material. I fell for his voice and performance and the “Jimin effect” was hitting me hard. 

I also related to him a lot. I am a sort of clingy but shy person who is a perfectionist and likes being in control. I also thought he was both cute and funny without being too over the top with things like aegyo (I mean, we all know he is horrible at it when he tries to do it on purpose). I think the way Jimin is so open (though private) makes him easy to understand and relate to. He has a lot of different moods and there is an honesty in how much he shows us even though he clearly still remained in control.

As time went by, I found myself focusing on Jimin more than the other members and I realized my bias. I was simply drawn to him more than the others from the start. That in turn brings me to Taehyung... Because honestly, at the time it was impossible not to notice their closeness. And looking up a lot of old material, where Jimin was there was also Taehyung. They were very clingy and had a lot of cute interactions. One of the first things I watched of their more off-stage material was also Bon Voyage in Scandinavia (being from there myself I was extra curious) and the Vmin moments in there just cemented their bond for me.

I am not saying I only appreciate Tae for ship reasons, simply that Vmin got my attention early on and that did make me focus more on Taehyung as well. I thought as many that he was a bit odd, but very funny and playful, that he was incredibly good-looking (my opinion from the start was that JK and Tae were the most good-looking) but also a bit difficult to read. Taehyung made me want to understand him, and I was interested in him for quite different reasons than how I related to Jimin. I love him for his way of thinking and how he seems to have this innocence or happiness in the small things about him. Like, Tae getting lost in Sweden but still being happy about the small adventure, enjoying himself and stopping to blow on a dandelion might just be one of the most endearing things I have ever seen. (Honestly, another point I relate to Jimin on so much is his love for Tae and how he just makes us smile no matter what he does.)

Of course, as they change and as I get to watch them more, the more I find to love and appreciate (as well as flaws of course) and now I would say all the members are just very precious to me and I love them both for who they are on their own and for their bond as a group. It is impressive and not to be understated how rare it is to find a bond like theirs. I have seen many groups, and few are as compatible as BTS, and few seem to truly love each other the way they do.

But as for bias it will likely always be Jimin and Taehyung unless there is some drastic change.

For Jimin I love the way he dances while controlling every fiber of his body, the way he pours love into all his relationships but isn’t afraid to call people out, the way he keeps getting funnier (I think Jimin’s sense of humor is so underrated), the way he acts like an angel but actually has the whole world fooled (and he knows it), the way he shows his emotions so animatedly no matter if he gets annoyed or laughs with his whole body, the way he knows his principles and stands his ground when he believes in something, the way he works so hard to improve and better himself both as a performer and as a human, the way he thinks about things deeply and is so eloquent with how to express it, the way he is there for both ARMY, his members and even strangers because he is empathic to his core. There is a lot to love with Jimin, and he always makes sure to return that love when deserved.

For Taehyung I love the way he stand against the norms, the way he shows it’s ok to be different and embrace himself and others without judgement, the way he almost plays with us when he performs, the way he sings with such emotion and how he loves to express himself through all kinds of art forms, the way he learns and take in valid criticism but isn’t afraid to call bullshit, the way he knows when to be serious but also the importance of having fun, the way he is both the biggest dork and a fierce performer at once (I mean he can be so unapologetically silly and then suddenly switch to lethal seduction), the way his unique way of thinking opens up to new points of view, the way he can’t help but show his excitement or love for something and wants to share it with the people around him. He goes all out when he loves something and doesn’t hide his opinions when he doesn’t. Taehyung is just a very honest (though perfectly capable of lying and fooling us thank you very much) and incredible person that I both admire and adore.

There is just so much, and even small things get to me, like don’t get me started on their smiles, or even just their habits when they laugh... (how Tae usually laughs quietly but once in a while will let out these light giggles, or the way Jimin seem to automatically covers his face when he laughs).

I love them both to death (as all the members). It is not easy to just sit down and pour years of love into words, but I tried. I love them both as singers, performers, artists, and humans. I also love them as soulmates and how much they both just spread love and positivity to the people around them. The impact they have had on me, and surely many of you, is hard to comprehend. I am so lucky and happy that I decided to become a fan of this wonderful group and these wonderful people.

Phew, that was a lot wasn’t it? All opinion based, probably a bit hard to understand and not very well structured either. This is all just a flow of consciousness, and I likely forgot to mention a lot of things I could have said. Even so I hope you found it a nice read. :) Thank you for the ask.

[biletdoux]

waiting: physical therapy | d.sc

Rating: G (in this part)

Genre + Tropes: non-idol!au, romance (angst, slice of life)

Warnings: mentions of a car accident

Length: 1.2k+

Summary: Sicheng is a creature of habit.

Note: it’s a little late, but i’m back!! i swear i’m working on my other works as well, i’ve just been a little caught up with school and work ;; this one is for @odentist​ and @adamfoolcry​ bc ilysm!! i know i’ve been absent, but you guys are in my thoughts always. thank you for putting up with me!!! it means a lot and i’ll work on being better at keeping in contact<3 also, i know not many people read my works, but i’m always super grateful toward the people who do <333

Masterlist // [Previous | Next]

part iv: physical therapy

Sicheng has physical therapy every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning from 09:00 to 11:00. He arrives at each session exactly 15 minutes early every time and although the receptionist who registers him varies depending on the day, Minho is always there to greet him with a bright smile. Sicheng would then set his stuff aside in a designated locker for the day and he’d start off the morning with some light stretches before the actual session started. This has been his routine for the past few months now.

Today is no different. 

“Sicheng,” Minho grins with a tap of his electronic watch. “Eight forty-five on the dot as usual.”

Sicheng shoots a small smile with an acknowledging nod of the head in reply as he rolls his wrists and starts loosening his ankles. His joints ache and creak in ways that bother him more than it should and his stiff muscles hiss in protest. Sicheng understands he should be grateful that he could at least walk and stretch on his own, but he can’t help but become bitter when he remembers his old lithe self. Minho is oblivious to Sicheng’s inner machinations as he mirrors him and does his own set of stretches. 

Sicheng is a dancer. Was. Is. Sicheng will be a dancer again. One day. Yes, one day. Definitely. Hopefully.

While at heart, Sicheng will always be a dancer, his body is broken and won’t move in ways that it once did. Minho helps build him back up two hours at a time, three days a week, but Sicheng knows his body will never go back to the way it used to be prior to the accident. 

Sicheng remembers waking up with a hazy mind and heavy limbs. The bleak whiteness of his room and bed sheets blinded him as he struggled to register his surroundings. The plastic nasal cannula delivered heated high flow oxygen through his body and the wires attached to his body alerted the nearby nurses of his rousing. They came in and took a set of vitals before talking to him sweetly, as to not alarm him too much, but his head ached and Sicheng still can’t recall much of what happened the first few days he came to. 

The doctors said a lot of things, but Sicheng extracted that he was lucky. 

Among other things, the impact left him with two broken ribs and a punctured lung. They told him he was transported to a nearby hospital just in time before his left lung completely collapsed, but his spleen had ruptured, requiring emergency surgery to prevent further internal bleeding. There was moderate trauma to his head, resulting in cerebral contusions and swelling, but they determined his central nervous system came out unscathed. Sicheng’s mind and recollection was still foggy and tattered, but they assured him that it would return. Perhaps in pieces, but one by one it should come back.

Sicheng was bedridden for over a month and required an additional month of intensive in-patient hospital rehabilitation from his injuries and deconditioning before he was even cleared for discharge and out-patient rehabilitation. The doctors were surprised by his progress and had a positive outlook on his prospect, but Sicheng knows. 

Things will never be the same.

Sicheng enrolled in the best out-patient rehabilitation his insurance provided for him and that was how he met Minho, a ray of sunshine and the epitome of positivity. Minho’s relentless encouragement lapped at Sicheng’s bitterness and eventually wore him down. Now Sicheng finds himself looking forward to their sessions together, despite having to face he’s no longer who he was.

“Are you ready?” Minho asks. “We’re going to work on strengthening today.” 

During his first session with Minho, Sicheng still wobbled on his feet. The hospital sent him home with a walker and pair of crutches, but Sicheng found it insulting when pirouettes and grand jetés used to come as second nature. Minho introduced himself with a fervor that had Sicheng wincing. He didn’t want to be here, especially when it meant entrusting his recovery with some happy-go-lucky sap. 

Sicheng gave Minho the cold shoulder the entire session and completely ignored any suggestions or advice. This went on for a few more times until Sicheng almost collapsed one day from pushing himself too hard despite Minho’s warnings. His legs were cramping and his lungs felt like they were going to burst. Sicheng nearly toppled over had it not been for Minho there ready to steady him at a moment's notice. Minho said nothing as Sicheng heaved in long and heavy breaths as his skin glistened with a light sheen of sweat. 

Minho was quiet and didn’t say much. Sicheng appreciated him for not rubbing too much salt in his wounds.

During the last twenty minutes of that session where Minho was helping Sicheng with stretches, he broke their strained silence.

“Sicheng, you have to be kind to yourself and allow yourself time and patience. I know it’s tough, but things will come back. The mind may forget, but the body always remembers.”

Sicheng didn’t say anything back, but he couldn’t find it in himself to scoff back like he would at any other tacky saying and ever since then, he grew to have a quiet respect and even tentative friendship with his physical therapist. 

Sicheng looks forward to Friday sessions the most. Usually they do strengthening most of the time and today is no different. It’s harder on his body than other sessions, but he enjoys the steady ache of his muscles afterward. He views it as a sign of progress and Sicheng takes in greedy gulps. 

Sicheng finishes today’s sessions on autopilot, barely noticing the minutes that flew by until it was time to stretch. Minho helps push and hold positions when Sicheng can’t and he’s grateful.

“Hey what’s up with you today?”

“Hm?” Sicheng is flat on his back and Minho is supporting his right knee to Sicheng’s chest. “What are you talking about?”

“Dunno,” Minho hums thoughtfully as he switches to stretch Sicheng’s left leg. “You just seem tired.”

“Oh. I’ve been having trouble sleeping I guess.”

“Will talking about it help?”

Sicheng ponders his offer for a minute before a soft grunt escapes his lips. His left leg is always stiffer than his right and Minho is pushing it today. “No, I don’t think so, but I’ll be fine. Thanks.”

“Okay, I’ll take your word for it. Try to get good rest though, it’s crucial for recovery.”

Minho understands Sicheng enough to know exactly when and where to push, physically and personally. A comfortable quiet settles between them until the session is over. 

Sicheng cools down in the locker room before heading out and waving goodbye to Minho and the receptionist of the day. 

By 11:20, the sun is out and the streets are busy. Sicheng has to block out rays of light from his eyes as he looks up to see the buildings to decide what the next move for the day will be. Maybe some lunch? 

He ponders quietly to himself before noticing a tap on his shoulder and turns to see a girl.

“Sicheng, is that you?”

Note: oooof, this one isn’t as whimsical and fluffy as the other cause it has lots of exposition, but finally mores stuff is revealed about sicheng!! 

[thatmultifandomhoe]

Knitting You a Home - 8

Pairing: Wolf Hybrid Namjoon and Human Reader

Word Count: 2,731

Genre/Rating: Hybrid AU - Established Relationship - Angst - Fluff - Smut - Rated PG-13

Overview: Things have changed for you and Namjoon. It’s been a year since the two of you got together, and despite a rocky start, it was impossible to deny the bond and love you shared for each other. But ever since Hoseok had been separated from his Mate, Namjoon has been withdrawing himself from you and doesn’t come home until late at night.

With questions far larger than either of you imagined, you can’t help but wonder if he’s let his past and old fears come back to haunt him. You had shown him that it was possible to have a home and be loved once before, but will you be able to do it again?

Warning: Talk of nightmares - discussion of Hybrid abuse - implied mentions of drinking, drugs, hybrid mills - abandonment - Underground fights.

Music Playlist:

Main Master List:

Knitting You a Home Master List:

Mated Love is Never Easy Series Master List:

Sneak Peak - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - ?

©thatmultifandomhoe 2021. Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

You weren’t expecting Namjoon to come home at a normal hour. To keep yourself busy after Luna headed out, you plated all the goodies you made and cleaned up the kitchen, softly humming the entire time as you refrained from baking any further.

When dinner came and went, you had curled yourself up on the couch. The blanket you were knitting was long enough to cover your knees, but it still had a long way to go. In the living room there were two large windows looking out the front yard, a picture-perfect view of the tall oak and evergreen trees that surrounded your neighborhood.

The sky overhead turned pink as the sun began its descent, washed out burnt orange lights streaked the sky until it reminded you of peaches. If Namjoon had been here, he’d find a spot outside on the grass and watch until the sky was overflowing with stars. By then the fireflies would be out and he’d want to stay, mesmerized as they sparkled on and off until you went out with a shawl wrapped around your shoulders and a teasing grin to try and coax him back inside.

The knitting needles had stopped clicking a while ago. You were so lost in thought that you set the project back in its basket and stood up, tugging your sweater around your body as you made your way over to the window.

In the summer the sun didn’t set until eight at night, dragging out the painted skies for as long as nature allowed for it. Glancing around the room, an old book sat on top of an end table, the cover flipped open to reveal thinly aged paper. It made you smile softly as you picked it up, flipping through it to find the small black typed letters of poetry written long ago.

He was such a lover of words, always amazing you with how wide his reading interests ranged from, to how he even viewed life and the world. After everything that he went through, he still spoke about the world like it was a gift.

Screaming echoed in the house as you shot up in bed, chest heaving as you threw back the blankets to hurry to Namjoon’s room. Under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have entered without knocking, but this wasn’t the first time he’s had the nightmares during his stay with you.

It had been over a month since the storm, and while Luna had said many times that they weren’t as over-packed at the Homeless Center, you didn’t have the heart to tell Namjoon that he could go back. At least here he had a bed – a real bed and not a cot – his own room, new and clean clothe,s and home cooked meals. Even if the Center wasn’t over crowded since the storm had long since passed, it would still be loud and crowded, the very things that Namjoon didn’t need right now.

Turning on the lamp on his night stand, you crouched over Namjoon to gently shake his shoulder. He was breathing heavily as he gripped the blankets underneath him, beads of sweat dotting his forehead and tears formed under his eyelashes, dripping down his cheeks.

"Wake up Namjoon,” you called out, briefly scratching his ear as it twitched. “It’s just a bad dream hun, it’ll be all over when you wake up. I promise.”

He painfully cried in his sleep, body flinching when you touched him, but you didn’t stop trying to wake him up. It hurt to see him suffering like this and you knew, had he gone back to the Center, no one would have attempted to wake him once they realized this wasn’t a one-time occurrence.

“It’s gonna be okay Namjoon, you just gotta wake up.”

It took a little more coaxing on your part, but with one final shake Namjoon gasped as his eyes opened wide, searching around the room until they landed on you. He didn’t look away and he didn’t rip his arm away, a positive sign in your book since he had been doing that the previous times you woke him from a nightmare.

He never told you about the nightmares. Instead, he simply apologized and said to not worry about them. There was just one problem, you did worry. You worried because you knew that whatever was haunting him had been happening for years and every morning afterwards, there were dark circles under his eyes.

You worried because over the course of the last month, you’ve grown to care about Namjoon.

The clock on the nightstand said it was three a.m. Knowing that you weren’t going to be falling asleep anytime soon, you straightened so you were no longer leaning over Namjoon and let go of his shoulder.

“Want some tea?” You gently asked, realizing that the two of you had been staring at each other without speaking, long enough to make your cheeks blush.

Namjoon glanced at the clock too, momentarily coughing into his hand as he tried to catch his breath. You weren’t expecting him to say yes, he declined each time you previously offered after his nightmares. Knowing that, you still asked because a part of you hoped that one day, he’d trust you enough to open up to you.

“Sure,” he spoke, his voice hoarse from crying.

Your eyebrows lifted in shock, surprised that he had agreed. You didn’t let that deter you though, instead you gave him a small smile. “Okay. Come on out when you’re ready.”

Namjoon nodded once and you left shortly afterwards, closing the door behind you to give him privacy. Internally, your heart was leaping around, happy that he was appearing to come out of his shell, even if it wasn’t in the greatest circumstances.

Once you reached the kitchen, you moved out of habit, used to making late night drinks for Luna, but when you reached for the tea, you hesitated. You didn’t know what type Namjoon liked to drink. He only ever had coffee in front of you.

Leaving the orange mug empty for now, you prepared yours with instant coffee, knowing that it wouldn’t impact your sleep. As the hot water poured into the mug, you rifled through the tea bags you had, fingers pausing on one labelled Chamomile. Luna tended to favor this one when it was an especially stressful night, claiming that it helped calm her down.

Namjoon’s cries echoed in your mind and the next thing you knew you were plopping the tea bag into his mug and pressing brew for the hot water to dispense. If he didn’t like it, there were plenty other teas for him to choose. Leaning back against the counter, you softly smiled as he walked into the kitchen, his footsteps silent against the hardwood floor.

He glanced at the Keurig behind you, eyebrows scrunching up as he tilted his head at the smell. You didn’t recall making this one since he’s moved in.

“It’s Chamomile,” you softly explained, watching as his feet shuffled closer to the table. “It’ll help you relax. I thought you might like that after your nightmare.”

The corner of his lip twitched and a faint smile became visible. “Yeah, that sounds pretty good right about now.”

Hearing the Keurig finish, you turned back around to retrieve his mug, grabbing him a spoon and the honey bottle as well. “You’re gonna wanna dunk the bag a couple times,” you suggested, placing it in front of him. He raised an eyebrow at the honey and you shrugged as you retrieved your coffee before sitting across from him. “I wasn’t sure if you liked it sweet or not.”

“Thank you,” taking the honey, he poured a small amount in and stirred, carefully avoiding hitting the sides of the mug. “I…I really appreciate all that you’re doing for me.”

“It’s not a problem. I know things haven’t been easy for you.”

“But you didn’t have to help me.” He spoke, holding his mug in both hands. “You didn’t have to offer up your guest room, or be patient with me and share your meals, but you did.” Licking his lips, he raised an eyebrow at you. “And you didn’t have to let me stay this long. The storm ended weeks ago and the Homeless Center isn’t as chaotic, but you haven’t even mentioned that.”

Your eyes widened, feeling caught in the act when he softly smiled before taking a sip out of his drink. “How?”

“Luna called while you were away at work on day. She was wondering why you hadn’t told me that I could go back.”

Damn technology, you thought, shrugging as you tried to hide your embarrassment by pulling your knees up on to the chair and to your chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he softly asked. Lowering his mug, the spot between his eyebrows furrowed as he patiently waited. “Why didn’t you tell me to leave?”

A part of you wished you were able to play dumb and pull it off, to coyly act like you had no idea what he was talking about. Namjoon would know immediately though. His ability to pick up on your emotions hadn’t gone unnoticed in the time he’s lived with you.

The words escaped you for a moment, so you shrugged once as you tried to form the right thing to say. It only lasted a few seconds, because when you met his gaze, it flowed naturally. “I didn’t want you to leave,” you found yourself telling him, unable to say anything but the truth.

He blinked in surprise, leaning back in his seat as the silence took hold again. It wasn’t uncomfortable though. You didn’t mind it, figuring he was assessing your emotions to find the truth in what you said.

As he gathered his thoughts, you rubbed a hand across your eyes in an attempt to ease the headache from lack of caffeine.

“I told Luna it was better for that little Hybrid to be abandoned now because it’s true. It’s a shitty thing to experience when you can remember it.”

Tonight, was perhaps the most that you’ve heard Namjoon speak, and you were surprised with where he was directing his attention towards. Ideas swirled around with what he was talking about, about where this was going to lead, but you remained quiet as you focused on him, allowing him to speak at the pace he wanted to go at.

Namjoon ran his thumb around the rim of his mug, taking a deep breath. “I’ve lost track of all the owners I’ve had. There hadn’t been as many when I was younger, but as I grew up, grew bigger and taller, I got sent back to the Adoption Centers until one day, one of them got lazy and dropped me off at the Homeless Center. I was maybe, fifteen then.”

“Even with all the constant changes, I always knew I was a Hybrid. None of my owners ever let me forget that. They put me in small rooms, sometimes I didn’t even have a room but a closet or a mattress on the floor.” Lifting his gaze, he gestured around the kitchen with a bittersweet smile. “Everything in this room alone, to be able to have a cup of tea and not be afraid of the consequences, was once a dream for me. Still is sometimes.”

Shifting in your seat, you set your cup down on the table, having lost interest in the coffee that you usually loved. Because you were watching him, you were able to see his fingers tighten briefly.

“It was bad,” he simply said, not meeting your gaze this time. “There’d be days where I wasn’t allowed to eat, where I was expected to clean up after everyone and keep the house spotless and if I didn’t, well…sometimes not eat eating was better than their punishments. Almost forgot my own name with one owner. She only ever called me Hybrid.”

A rock settled inside your heart at what he was implying, and suddenly it made sense. The way he flinched at your touch, how you always had to encourage and reassure him that it was okay to eat and have more. Your eyes watered up and you bit down on your lower lip, unable to control the way your emotions seemed to fly around.

His ears flickered in your direction, finally looking at you again. He gave you a sad smile, leaning forward and shakily raised his hand, hesitating only once before running his thumb across your cheek. His touch was gentle but it only reinforced what you were thinking. How could anyone hurt someone as gentle as Namjoon?

“Don’t cry for me,” he whispered, doing it again to the other cheek. “It’s in the past, we can’t change what happened back then.”

Your bottom lip wobbled, leaning into his palm when he cupped your cheek, both drinks long forgotten as you closed your eyes, absorbing his touch. He wasn’t done with his story and for some reason, you knew that it wasn’t going to get any better.

“My last owner wasn’t any different. Like the rest of them, he felt like he was entitled because he had money to waste, and thought he was better because he was human and I was a Hybrid. But unlike them, he participated in the Underground.”

Frowning, you almost leaned back to get a better look at Namjoon, but when your cheek stated to slide out of his hand you stopped, choosing to stay in his touch. “The Underground?”

He gently tapped your cheek with his thumb, slowly nodding. “There’s the good part of it, and then there’s bad side. The good is mostly known for the music and art scene, but that’s not what most people think of. The Underground is mostly known for its bad side; the drugs, gambling, the Hybrid Mills and such, but everyone just calls it by one name since the lines blur together.” Namjoon shrugged, still rubbing your cheek as if to keep you calm. “One of the popular events are the fights, and as long as I was able to stand on my own two feet, he had me in them every night.”

You may not have known or understood what the Underground was, but with a little thinking it didn’t take long to understand what Namjoon meant.

“I was big and as a Wolf Hybrid, I had an advantage over some of the others. We…none of us wanted to fight, but if we didn’t, the consequences were worse than had we just lost.” Sighing, Namjoon lowered his hand from your face, his gaze falling to the floor once again as his shoulders slouched.

“My last fight had been against a kid, barely even eighteen and shaking. The crowd was screaming and whoever his owner was was threatening him…all I could do was stare at him, wondering who the hell I had become. For a split second I had considered it, it would have only taken one punch, and immediately I was disgusted with myself. The fact that I had even thought about it made me realize that I was no better than the human who owned me.”

You blinked as your mind resurfaced from the memory, pulling your fingers from the book cover as you stumbled backwards. Even now, there was still an ache when you thought about the life that Namjoon had been forced to live, the things he had to do to survive until he was able to escape. It had been a damn miracle that he ended up at the shelter that Luna worked at and she had called you when that storm came in.

Sighing, you plopped back down on the couch and turned the TV on, hoping to ind on a show that could manage to keep you awake for the next several hours.

Please Joonie, you thought, gently laying a hand on the Mate Mark that you treasured and wore with immense pride. A life with Namjoon was what you wanted, what you still wanted, but it was starting to feel like the two of you were heading in two different directions and all you wished for was to find the spot where things began to change. But you could only go so far, do so much, by yourself.

Please come home. Please.

[reneeofthestars]

Nerra Voa Numa

** I’m so excited to finally share the fic I wrote for “Found: A Clone Wars Zine”!! This was such an amazing project to be a part of, and I’m so thankful to the mods for allowing me to participate. **

***Leftover sales for the zine are currently open, so check out @foundaclonewarszine if you are interested in purchasing one of these amazing zines!***

Click “Keep Reading” to stay on Tumblr, or read it on AO3 

*     *     *

The bustle of the spaceport felt oddly comforting. Boil squinted against the harsh Rylothian sunlight as he stepped off the hoverbus, letting himself be jostled along by the crowd. Food carts tempted him with sweet aromas, pilots called for cargo or passengers, engines roared and sputtered on the landing platforms, droids and beings alike called and beeped and whistled.

The debarkation processes for civilian freighters and transports were far less organized than those the Grand Army of the Republic had used, but it had a liveliness to it, an energy that reminded Boil of the anticipation that had filled him the first time he watched the oceans of Kamino shrink into a cloudy sphere before vanishing altogether in the blur of hyperspace.

He hadn’t felt that excitement in years.  When the Imperial troops loaded into the cruisers – that is, the Star Destroyers – it was like watching some parody of Boil and his fellow soldiers. The clones set out under orders to drive back the mindless Separatist droids and defend the citizens, and their focus was palatable. The stormtroopers were commanded to instill order – even when there was no disorder to be found – and their energy felt…wrong.  

Boil had worn the stormtrooper armor for years as he trained new recruits. He remembered how civilians had looked at the clone troopers when they came to the cities during the war – yes, there had been skepticism and dismissal; but there had also been relief, friendliness, appreciation. As a stormtrooper, he only felt positive emotions from a select few Core Worlds. Everywhere else, the civvies looked uneasy, mistrustful, even scared.

But he had been able to chalk those feelings up to the vast changes in the galaxy. The war had begun and ended so suddenly; residual turmoil was expected. He went on as he always had: a soldier following orders.

And he had fellow clones in the ranks that he spent time with. They mostly kept to themselves; the natural-born recruits viewed them as either superiors or inferiors. They had quietly complained about the degraded plastoid armor and inefficient helmets, reminisced old battles, spoken to each other like only brothers could. But one by one, they died in skirmishes with criminals, or were forced into retirement by their superiors, until Boil was the last clone at the Arkanis Imperial Academy. He’d never been without a brother before, and the loneliness had almost swallowed him whole.

He had known it was only a matter of time, but that hadn’t stopped the swooping sensation in his gut the day his supervisory officer told him to clear out his bunk and come to her office. He’d signed the discharge doc absently, writing his nickname without thinking. The officer had scowled and ordered him to resign it with his birth number.

And now, here he was: a clone on Ryloth with a limited credit supply, a bag of clothes, his old armor, and no idea what he was supposed to do now.

A passing Rodian caught his eye and frowned, like she was trying to figure out if she knew him. Boil ducked his head and hurried on, securing his headwrap closer to his face, trying to obscure it best he could. It had been ten years since the end of the war, and most civilians seemed to have already forgotten its existence. But there was still an impression that the clones were somehow responsible for the hardships of the war, which could lead to…problems. Boil ran a gloved hand over his face. Getting a job would be difficult.

Maybe he could be a mechanic. Or a mercenary. Or maybe a bodyguard. He’d have to find a place to buy a good blaster – the Empire hadn’t let him take his standard-issue blaster with him. Outside of war, he wasn’t sure what he could actually do. Maybe –

“Nerra.”

Boil froze. The voice was high and feminine, coming from somewhere off to his right. It was said quietly, almost absently, but it struck him to the core. He had a flash of a ghost town in a canyon, a small girl calling after him –

He spun around.

A young, teal-skinned Twi’lek woman was walking past, pushing a hovercrate brimming with electronic scrap. She wasn’t looking at him; she focused on the crowd in front of her, shooing away vendors that got too close.

Boil felt his breath catch, turning to tell Waxer – but no, Waxer had died years ago, what was he thinking?

He didn’t recall stepping forward. All he knew was tripping over his own feet as he hurried after her. “Ex – excuse me? Ma’am!”

She kept walking.

“Ma’am? Ma’am!” Why were his hands shaking? He stumbled to a stop. “Numa?”

She jerked to a halt, whipping around to face him, her head-tails swinging. Her eyes widened. “What did you say?” she demanded in heavily accented Basic.

“I – ” Boil faltered. “You called me ‘nerra’.”

The woman’s face flushed a darker teal. “It’s – it’s just an old habit. I didn’t mean to –”

“No, you – you called me ‘nerra’ when I was here. During the war. Me and Waxer.”

She fell silent. Her wide brown eyes were streaked with violet, taking in his face, his height, his orange-marked greaves visible just below his oversized poncho. Very quietly, she asked, “Boil?”

He laughed. It had been so long since anyone called him by his nickname. He wasn’t sure why it happened, but his knees gave out.

And then she was there, little Numa, alive and healthy, if still a little too thin, kneeling in front of him, her hands holding onto his shoulders as he shook.

“You’re alive,” he gasped. “I’m so glad – you’re alive. So many people died – so many we couldn’t save…”

“Shh.” She looked around, apprehensive. The crowd had parted for them, and Boil realized he was attracting stares. “Come with me. I’ll help you.”

“No, it’s – it’s alright,” he grunted, fighting to pull himself together. The last thing he wanted was a patrol of stormtroopers to see him like this. “I don’t know – what came over me. I just – I’m glad you’re alright, that’s all. I’ll be going –”

“No,” Numa said fiercely. “You helped me. You helped my people. It’s my turn to help you.”

Boil let Numa pull him to his feet, surprised by her strength. Wordlessly, he took the hovercrate from her. She hesitated before nodding slightly and leading him through the winding streets. He wiped his face with the cloth of the headwrap, embarrassed.

He followed her into the residential quarter, the chaos of the spaceport fading away behind them. It was a quiet area, save for the wind whistling through the rocks around them. The homes had been hewn into the stone; they were much better-kept than the village he and Waxer had found Numa in all those years ago. Adult Twi’leks chatted outside of homes as children chased each other. Several of them called out to Numa, throwing Boil curious looks. He kept his head bowed.

Finally, Numa had him park the hovercrate along the side of a particular building. She tossed a large rough blanket on top of it, camouflaging it with the stone. That caught his attention. He looked at Numa sharply, but she either didn’t notice or chose not to respond.

“Uncle Nilim!” she called, leading the way inside the house. The entry room opened into a sparsely decorated common area, with cushions and seats arranged around an outdated holoprojector.

An aging, blue-skinned Twi’lek man appeared from an interior room. It took him a moment to see Boil, then recoiled when he did. He held a frantic arm out to Numa, crying something in Ryl.

She said something very quickly in reply, her lekku twisting and gesturing, and Boil remembered a lesson on Kamino in his childhood; Twi’leks used their head-tails to communicate in tandem with their oral language. He’d never paid attention before. It was like the hand signals he’d used with other clones.

The man still looked skeptical; he skirted the edge of the room before approaching. He and Boil stared at each other for a long time before the Twi’lek finally gave a small nod. “You are older. But it is you.” He pronounced every word deliberately, with great care. He seemed to be practicing his Basic.

“And it’s you,” Boil responded, realization dawning on him. Numa had run to this man when Ghost Company had liberated her village. Boil had always assumed he was her father. But she called him ‘uncle’…

The man smiled. He placed a hand on his heart as he bowed his head. “Nilimb’ryl. Nilim Bril,” he introduced himself. “I am honored to finally meet you, Nerra.”

“My name is Boil. Uh, thank you,” Boil said hastily, bowing his head too.

Nilim gestured towards the common area, and Boil followed the two Twi’leks as they sat on some plump cushions. Boil mimicked them, grunting as he lowered himself to the seat. He was getting old.

“I told you we would meet again someday,” Numa said, beaming as she nudged her uncle. She looked to Boil, sitting forward eagerly on her cushion. “And where is the other? Waxer?”

The air rushed from Boil’s lungs. It never got any easier.  

He didn’t need to say anything. Numa’s face fell. She extended an arm and touched his shoulder gently. “I’m so sorry.”

“He’d be glad you’re okay.” Boil forced a smile. “He always wondered if the war left you alone once we liberated the planet. It sounds ridiculous, cuz we only knew you for a day…but you left a big impact on him. On both of us.”

He set his pack down and reached inside. Nilim shrank away, reflexively grabbing his niece’s arm. “It’s alright,” Boil said quickly, holding up his hands. “I don’t have a blaster. I just want to show Numa something.” He didn’t move until Nilim nodded.

Boil moved his assorted belongings aside until his hand closed around his helmet. He hadn’t worn it since the war, but he’d been allowed to keep his armor, and the detail on the bucket was still intact. He stared at the visor, his reflection gazing back at him.

“When we found you, Waxer realized you might think we were droids, so he took his bucket off so’s not to scare you.”

“I did think that,” she admitted. “I remember being scared – I thought the droids were going to take me too. Then when I saw his face – ” she laughed. “I’d never actually met a Human before, so I wondered where his lekku were.”

“And when I took mine off, you pointed at us both and said ‘nerra’.” Boil was quiet for a moment. “He didn’t want to leave you behind. I did. If it had been up to me, I would have left you there, to continue my mission. Waxer was always a better man than me.” He hung his head, grip tight on the helmet.

“You’re a soldier,” Numa answered, her voice soft. “Sometimes you have to make hard calls. But you made the choice to help me. And you saved me. You saved all of us.”

Boil chuckled. “Heh. Well you saved us, too. Those two-legged insects would’ve eaten us if you hadn’t gotten us outta there.” He lifted the helmet from his pack and handed it to her.

She took it, her brow creasing as she examined the cartoonish figure painted on the side. Waxer had painstakingly added the decal to both their helmets.

Discomfort settled on him as Numa silently stared at the drawing of herself. “We both wanted to remember you,” he offered awkwardly. “When the war started, we knew we were fighting for the Republic, but it was just an idea. It’s not like we’d ever lived in it, or knew why it was better than the Separatists. But we saw what happened to the civilians caught in the middle. Waxer wanted us to remember who we were really fighting for. For you, and for people like you.”

Numa remained silent, her expression unreadable, her lekku still.

Nerves fluttered in Boil’s gut. He cleared his throat and tried to explain. “Our armor was the one thing that was our own. We never had possessions – we moved around too much, and it’s not like we had much shore leave. So, we clones started painting our armor to make it our own. Different colors for different companies, accents for battles, tally marks for fallen brothers… everyone was different.” He fiddled with the hem of his pack, waiting for a response that didn’t come. “It was the best way we had of honoring people. We always said our armor showed who we were, and who made us that way.”

Numa said nothing. Carefully, she set the helmet beside her. She stood abruptly and hurried from the room, refusing to look at him.

Something caught in Boil’s throat and he gulped, rocking forward on his cushion to stand, but Nilim laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Give her a moment,” he advised.

Boil slumped. “I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “I don’t even know why I’m here.”

“People end up where they need to be.”

What a strange thought. It reminded Boil of something a Jedi would say. A flash of – anger? shame? – shot through him before dissipating as quickly as it came. Keeping his voice low, Boil looked at Nilim. “Where are her parents?”

Nilim’s gaze drifted, his smile slipping away. “My brother and his wife were killed in the attack in Nabat. I have raised Numa since their passing.”

“I’m sorry,” Boil said. The only family he’d ever known were his brothers. He didn’t know what it felt like to have parents – or to lose them – but he imagined the pain was the same. A wave of guilt drove him to his feet. “I’d better get going. I’m only making things worse.”

The Twi’lek’s eyes widened, startled. “Numa will not want you to go. You are welcomed here.”

“I’m a clone,” he said gruffly. “I’m not welcomed anywhere.”

“Stay.”

Numa stood in the doorway, cradling something decorative. The whites of her eyes looked vaguely red, and her mouth was held in a thin line. She shifted from foot to foot, looking almost apprehensive.

“This is a Kalikori,” Numa said, holding the decorative piece reverently.

“It is a totem,” Nilim explained, “passed down the line of a Twi’lek family.”

“It honors all who have come before. It is our way of remembering our family.” She held it out to Boil, and he took it gingerly.

It was a long series of intricately carved figures, arranged in a T-shape with charms and carvings hanging from the points. Stone, wood, metal, and clay pieces were engraved with symbols and shapes. It was easy to see that great care had been put into creating it.

At the bottom of one of the strands were two small orange and white blocks joined by a teal rectangle with some sort of script chiseled into it. Boil’s mouth went dry, a prickling sensation springing up behind his eyes. “What does that say?”

“Nerra voa Numa,” she answered quietly, watching him closely. “Brothers and Sister.”

Tears spilled from his eyes as Boil held the Kalikori tightly to his chest. His shoulders shook and his breaths turned to gasps and sobs. He turned his face away, ashamed. He hadn’t cried like this since he’d learned of Waxer’s death.

Hands rested on both of his shoulders as he wept; one large and calloused, one slight and gentle.

“Boil.” Numa paused, taking a deep breath. “For the last ten years, every time I saw a clone, I would say ‘Nerra’, hoping that one of them would react to it the way you did. I’ve wanted to find you ever since you left. I don’t want you to leave again.”

“We added you to the Kalikori years ago,” Nilim murmured. “You have been a part of us all this time. You have a home here, if you wish.”

The words stuck in Boil’s throat. “I…I need to think on it.” He dashed a hand across his eyes, fighting to steady his breathing. He handed the Kalikori back to Numa, and she gently set it down.

“Of course.” Nilim squeezed his shoulder. “And while you think, I will be making lunch. You are hungry?”

“Thank you,” Boil said, successfully distracted by the idea of a home-cooked meal. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten anything that wasn’t rations or Imperial-regulated meals.

Nilim left the room. Boil and Numa sat in near-silence as Boil worked to control his breathing. The tears kept falling, but they were drying, which he was grateful for; Numa was watching. From the other room, he heard Nilim shuffling about, cookware scraping together as he worked. Once he trusted himself to speak, Boil pitched his voice low. “Numa, why did you hide those electronic components?”

She looked to him appraisingly, and suddenly she seemed much older, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was no longer the frightened child that had trailed behind him all those years ago.

“Because beneath those electronic components are blasters for Syndulla’s resistance. The Free Ryloth Movement never truly dissipated. The war never ended here.”

Between them, the Kalikori and his helmet rested side-by-side. “I want to help you.”

She beamed, and before Boil could move, she’d thrown her arms around him tightly. He started in surprise before returning the hug.

When she drew back, her eyes were dancing. “I’ll message Cham and let him know you’re with us. Not a word to Uncle Nilim, though. He’s not on board with me being in the resistance yet.”

“I understand.”

“I’m glad you’re with us, brother. There’s much work to be done.”

[nightswithkookmin]

How do you think JK and JM have grown and changed this year? I was worried about the more professional Jikook recently, but the way they are now seems healthier- like there is balance and more peace in their bond. They are compromising and addressing each other’s needs (JM demonstrating his love for JK and flirting less; JK holding back for the sake of the group and JM's sanity). They seem happy. Plus, it’s nice to see the group members helping them be professional- especially Tae.

Absolutely! They are making compromises...

I was meant to work on a 'Jikook in 2020 Review' blog post at the end of the year but I got my nails done and I couldn't type shit with it. Lol. Should have stuck with my usual average length basic bitch nails but no, I had to go and be a baddie- edgy people. Sigh.

It's something I do in my Journal at the end of every year since 2014 where I summarize everything that's gone down with Jikook and my other ships in that year to help me keep track of their love journey and especially the timelines- yea, I take my delulu business seriously. I'm not ashamed. Lol.

I think the most outstanding and conspicuous growth development in Jikook's dynamics, to me, is their individual functioning and positive adaptive response to the changes that happened in and around their relationship in 2020- from Covid 19 to the monitored VLives and the whole professional outlook, cough cough.

While not surprising to me, because they had been on that trajectory since the later half of 2019 and had exhibited early signs of being capable of adjusting well, almost adjusting well lol, to any internal changes that could occur in their relationship dynamics, I sort of worried about them being thrown in at the deep end in the face of the abrupt and disruptive changes 2020 presented because of Covid 19.

Jikook since 2015 to me, have always exhibited codependent tendencies as well as a certain level of dysfunctionality in their dynamics with one or both of them enabling certain toxicities in the other.

I think that is the major thing that changed in 2020 in my opinion and I don't know if their personal growth journey contributed to it or the virus did, or that it's just we didn't get to see them interact in the usual settings that brings out all the lunacy in them. Lol.

Jimin for example had a habit of enabling JK's possessiveness and childish grunts and would reassure him whenever JK threw tantrums over anyone smiling funny at him. I mean reassuring your partner of your love and interest in him is good and ideal but not when your partner lowkey is unreasonable in his demands sometimes, chilee JK- what goes on. Lol.

Especially not when that same partner has no qualms doing shit like this:

But with JM I feel it goes deeper than that. I think I have mentioned in passing a few times now how I feel/felt JM was the noncommittal one in their dynamic and part of the reason I had that view was because Jimin to me had always conveyed an impression of JK that he is/was a bit childish and immature and that I think had always hindered him from fully investing in their dynamic in a way that makes JK secure.

But that too has changed especially towards the end of 2020.

I mean JM is very wise beyond his age, mature beyond his age as everyone around him keep saying. Contrastingly, they say the very opposite of Kook and they treat him as such, which is gotta be worrying for JM, I feel.

I've always been fascinated by JM's choice of words and descriptors for people- well not just JM's, all the members' quite frankly. Lol. He sees, for instance, Tae as innocent and naive, Joonie as thoughtful and JK as not good at expressing himself and his emotions.

These words are not just his assessment of their personalities, they are also testament to how he treats them or is likely to treat them- We treat people the way we see and perceive them.

If he sees JK as incapable of expressing his true intentions, he stands the risk of projecting his own intentions onto him and this is very dangerous. He could be reading more into situations, misunderstanding and misconstruing JK's intentions.

For example, he may he interpreting JK feeling uncomfortable with him being around others as a sign JK wants him for himself and as such use that to reassure himself whenever he is feeling vulnerable and insecure in their dynamic but in reality JK could just be expressing discomfort with watching two men interact intimately- JM would never know unless JK explicitly conveyed to him that seeing him with others worry him because he wants Jimin too. Know what I mean?

Similarly, if he perceives JK as immature and childish, no matter how accurate that may be, he risks developing an inclination to be dismissive of JK's needs- especially if JK really sucks at articulating his needs or asserting himself in their dynamics.

Seeing JM interact with others in a certain way may genuinely be his limits, but how is he gonna communicate that to Jimin beyound grunts and pouts if he sucks at expressing himself and if JM dismisses these grunts and tantrums he throws as childishness?

That's what I mean when I say there is a certain degree of dysfunctionality to Jikook's dynamics. But that too have changed or is changing- can't be sure till I see how they progress and interact in the future.

As I kept saying, Jikook had been asserting themselves against eachother in 2020 and JK was the embodiment of that.

But JK...

He has always given me the impression he's willing to do whatever it takes to prove himself as not only worthy of JM's love but also solidify himself as JM's equal in their dynamics, having been subjected to years of baby syndrome being the youngest within the group and having everyone treat him as such.

And so I have mixed feelings about this seemly 'progress' in him...

Not sure if he is doing it for himself or for his relationship and God I hope it is for himself because as much as I enjoy the crazy aspect of their relationship, I hate it too.

I mean it's entertaining to watch sometimes but Jimlous and Jeonlous do make me sick in my stomachs- yea, I have four at this point. Fucking Christmas chicken. Lol.

Not to say JM isn't as invested in or committed to JK as JK is to him. Just saying there's always been something holding him back in their dynamics for whatever reason, in my opinion, and Jk it seems have always had the impression he can 'win' if he tries. So he is constantly pushing the boundaries and testing the limits- and that I feel is his yoke.

I used to look at him and felt sorry for him because he was young and he was being pushed to grow so fast but I also understand Jimin because he is much older than his boyfriend and he wouldn't want to be unequally yoked to him, as the saying goes- especially if he equally has to relinquish control to him and have him lead him as his lover and partner.

I feel a lot of Jokers get confused about who is dom and all that jazz, partly because JM is not ceding to JK the way JK relinquishes control to JM in their dynamics and is holding back a lot- that's what I mean when I say he is not fully into their relationship.

Jimin holds a lot of power in their dynamics and a lot of people see that and describe him as top, dom, power bottom and whole other sobriquets but I don't think any of those descriptors is apt.

Because as much as he holds a lot of power in their dynamics, he is in the same breath powerless and at the mercy of JK as JK is to him. The one with the power to me is the one that can walk away and It's neither JK nor Jimin.

As assertive as JK has been all year, he will cave if it meant JM was to walk away. And as demanding as JM has been of JK's maturity, he will settle if it meant JK was to walk away.

Jimin to me is a paradox. He pushes JK to be 'mature' and be on the same page as him yet he equally enables the bad behavior in JK too- well he used to. He's changed since late 2019 and hasn't been tolerant of JK's possessive behavior- which I think I've talked about a lot on here.

It certainly doesn't help that JM has this view of 'JK is just bad at expressing his emotions.' With that kind of mentality, he is more likely to let JK get away with a lot of things without pushing him to be better and that in itself is a form of enabling.

As the youngest within the group, he already stand the risk of being enabled within the group dynamics as his bad behavior is always going to be excused and dismissed as stemming from his age.

You often hear RM and the members talk about how he is the youngest, he is going through a teenage rebellious phase, let's give him a pass because he is the youngest, he doesn't speak much so we value the least he says, he doesn't return his texts, doesn't wish anyone a happy birthday on their birthday's but we will for him anyway, chilee. There is too much enabling going on in there.

As harmless as these rhetorics may be, they impact his attraction quotient and may make him less appealing to anyone within the group who may find him attractive in a sexual way psychologically speaking and sometimes I see that impacting Jimin. People want to date up not down.

Take when Hobi talked about JK peeping tom for example, Jimin didn't seem at all happy about it. I don't think he was jealous in that moment necessarily, more like he was disappointed and hurt.

JK has been doomed from the start as the baby of the group- I mean I've seen the men JM finds attractive... I don't think a 'baby' is what he wants.

Jk have always been on a mission to shed these descriptors off of him and assert himself within the group, for himself and for his relationship- as he should.

But 2020 has been the height of his self assertive journey and progress in my opinion. In Break the silence, the members talked about how JK has become more self aware particularly this year, and JK himself has spoken about and acknowledged his immaturity in the past and how he is working to improve himself on that.

He has grown a lot this year.

You may not see the impact of this because it's an intangible change but you look at how he interacts with the others, the boundaries he's putting in place etc

JM post October have been treating JK with a certain level of respect and dignity, almost as if he is seeing JK as a new man- his equal. This will make sense in the future, don't worry.

During the Christmas holiday performance, it seemed the directors had whispered something in JM's ear to give them a moment- listen, BigHit ain't slick ok? Whenever you see them isolate Jikook from the group bet your sweet behind they are looking for a moment from Jikook and are going over BTS's head, chilee. They ain't slick.

They did the same thing in the dynamite MV when they put Jikook away from the group and had them turn it on- I mean RM wasn't too happy about it it seemed and when he asked Jimin about it, Jimin said the director had asked him to.

I bet you two fake dollars, they intentionally put Jikook away from the group in that performance and honestly I don't think they gave JK a heads up about it either. You could see Jimin literally scanning JK's body to prepare himself and put himself in the mood which had JK looking at him all confused like what is this man doing. Lmho.

Then he playfully taps JK's chest like it's the firt time he is paired with his man and JK looks at him like uhmmmm. Jimin then goes to wrap his hands around JK's shoulder and JK exec crashed. lol.

I don't think JK expected that from Jimin and his gay panic was real- personally, I think he popped a boner down there and when Jimin tilted the camera angle down to that region dude made a 360 turning his back to the camera. Lol.

He was literally hiding it behind Jin and when you look at NamJin's cam that's when you see what I mean.

Chilee, JK how are you gone hide a boner a man gave you behind another mind- make it make sense. Lmho. Are they both not men? You are 24, if Jimin still has this effect on you I'm sorry there's no hope for you. The gay is deep my guy, bid your family farewell and move to Itaewon. Lol.

All jokes and delulu aside, there was a certain level of respect even in the way that Jimin carried out their fanservice in that moment.

Maybe we are finally going to see Park Jimin relinquish that power he's been holding back from Kook as the hyung and mature one and allow JK lead him, make decisions for him and trust that he would make the right ones.

I don't think, going forward JM would be 'dismissing' JK's discomfort with him doing certain things as JK being 'childish' anymore, lol. I'm talking about the 'babe it's nothing' laughing his butt off when JK is pissed at him for doing certain things etc.

It's also interesting to note that 2020, in my opinion, recorded the most 'breakup songs' shared and recommended by JK on his spotify playlist- I wonder why. Smirk.

By break up songs i mean most if not all the songs he shared last year had a theme of separation, breakup, etc, with one particular song standing out to me: Mean it by Lauv.

This song and the others are pretty much consistent with his own song lyrics of 2020, Still with you and Stay which I believe are a two voiced piece of the same art work or subject matter, a response poem if you will: one being a confession of JK's feelings and intentions while the other, Stay, is the reconciliation, a request and plea to his love interest and declaration of his needs or what he wants from Jimin.

Stay answers Still with you. In my opinion.

And on the subject of Still with you, am I the only one who thinks 'With You' is one of Jimin's handles and JK using that in a song is no coincidence?

I mean Tae literally gave Jimin that name in Run 106- Listen, I don't trust JK and if he appropriates it again ISTG!

He's come a long way from, 'I'm not gonna say any cliche as that have courage' in Magic Shop to practically groveling. Lol. Love will do that to you.

What stands out about Mean it, is that whole 'don't play with my feelings if you don't want me' theme. I think this is something I kept saying was a vibe I was getting from JK throughout 2020 when I said I talked about their breakup and said I felt he was since that incident putting his foot down, demanding his needs and putting his happiness right back up there with Jimin's.

I smiled when I heard him talk about him thinking a lot about what happiness means to him throughout 2020 and pursuing that.

As for the professionalism, let's see if they are going to maintain it throughout this year because it is not coming from them but from the environment they are in.

I think what they have to do is know when they are going to be themselves and when they have to be professional- Jikook y'all are queer, reading the room should be an acquired skill dumbass! Someone send them the memo. Lmho.

One other thing that has changed about Jikook would be how they are gradually disconnecting from their fanbase especially JK.

Now this may be due to a lot of reasons: BigHit limiting their access to their fanbase, BTS having a problem with Jikook's brand clashing with theirs and demanding they 'act professionally,' Jikook no longer having a need of the support of their fanbase and a plethora of reasons I cannot get into sake of time and space.

One thing that I am gauging this year is how Jikook will be interacting with their fanbase and how much of their relationship they will willingly share with us.

They need our support as much as we need them and if our support matters to them in advancing their relationship out of the closet then they will find a way to reconnect with us- always.

I mean, he said stay- I'm staying. Lol.

I guess what I'm saying is, for now, the change in Jikook is intangible and individualized but serves as a foundation to whatever direction they decide to move in next.

I am curious to know how these individuals growth and development is going to play out in their dynamics as a unit.

I want to see what they do on May 13th this year, who posts the first Jikook selca of 2021. JK didn't post for the members's birthday again and so I'm curious to see how JM's birthday is gonna go.

The members had surprise parties except Jimin- I'm still salty about that, they filmed Vlives on their birthdays- again except Jimin who had to belate that shit.

I'm taking notes of how they are gonna use the VApp this year especially JK. He still wasn't allowed to solo VLive on the app- I'm taking notes. Lol. Bone collector LLC. Lmho.

2020 was that year, the year Jikook went to couples counseling figuratively- in my books me. Lol.

They went from spending time apart, pursuing other hobbies, JK took to reading, Jimin took to spending quality time with friends and family and realized what is gold to him.

They each have come to terms with their shortcomings- something some of us recieved a lot of backlash over for talking openly about. Chilee.

Jimin have acknowledged he over expresses himself and needs to "love less' and JK have acknowledged his immaturity and is taking steps to work on it.

They both have taken a step from social media, which honestly I don't think is a bad thing especially if SM impacts their overall well being negatively.

I actually won't be surprised if they've been seeing a psychologist but anywho-

I hope this answers your question? Lol. I don't know. This post is more for me than y'all, I feel. So sorry about that.

Happy New Year to 'Y'all who love me.' I love y'all too so much. Bless y'all.

Let's keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY