#the void reaches back
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2 37 15 71! For spotify wrapped
2. Our Song- Rainbow Kitten Surprise
37. I, Carrion (Icarian)- Hozier
15. Eat Your Young- Hozier
71. Hide- Rainbow Kitten Surprise
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A lot of cis people may not want to hear this, but here goes:
You are going to have more in common with trans people who have a similar gender identity to you than you think. Trans people are reliable narrators of their own experiences, and whether you like it or not, we will have similar or even identical experiences to yours. Cis people don't have a monopoly over their gender or the experiences people have as a result of their gender.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#ally advice#like in my experience i have had way more in common with cis men than cis women#and of course it is always more complicated than what a tumblr post can provide. but by and large i have noticed this trend#cis people like to pretend that trans people are a seperate species to them when that can't be further from the truth#cis people don't like to think that their bodies/experiences/lives could be in any way shape or form similar to a trans person's#but they're wrong in that case. there are so many of us with baried experiences. because we are PEOPLE#i feel like i am screaming my personhood into the void sometimes so i hope maybe this reaches somebody#as horrifying as it is (/s) i am as much a person as i am a man#and as horrifying as it is (/s) other trans people are as much their genders as they are PEOPLE#enjoy me posting my stream of consciousness then going back to play skyrim and fo:nv until i pass out or whatever i feel like lol<3
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crying and sobbing i was supposed to draw doodles of my ocs but instead all there is is Siffrin
they're so shaped i have to draw them
also
100% :)
#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#my art#doodles#the brothers doodle was two sifs staring into the void and i just put them together#i realized afterwards it could be sif and loop after the shiny mf materializes again as another siffrin#they do not know how that happened or what that means#fun time for everyone involved#this screenshot is already two weeks old#i started a new playthrough because of course#and it is quite funny#on my first playthrough at 23 hours i had 23 loops in act 3#on my second one i had 145 loops at 19 hours in act 4#NOW at the end of act 4 i am going through the house one last time for fun i have 198 loops at 26 hours#the little mf knows that banana peel and dagger better than the back of his hand#my og playthrough ended at 89 loops#and even after i came back to act 4 to get everything i could at that point i got only to 130 loops#what i'm saying is that#my second playthrough siffrin the moment he learnt they're in a timeloop#decided to split his skull open on a rock over 100 times before they even reached act 3#god he needs help#someone take my siffrin away i am torturing them so much#anyway the reason i looped so much was mainly to talk to loop and get all the chats#also farm exp#getting to lvl 99 actually wasn't that bad#went quite quickly after 85#also why does mira need so much exp#just so we can suffer#anyway act 5 siffrin at 200 loops let's go
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Logging out for a while, love you miss you <3
#idk when I'll be back on#I think maybe end of the month to test the waters but we'll see#someone was having a bad day and decided to take it out in my inbox last night#and then when I logged off they got mad I didn't answer and sent a few more 🤪#usually I'm pretty good at rationalizing these things. gen z feels like the only place they have power is on the internet so of course when#they're angry and scared they're going to come after the people that they can actually reach#(and that includes me; proud owner of an anime thirst blog with 6 followers <3)#what they need is a hug and a copy of the anarchist protest guide and maybe a community garden; not someone responding to them with more#anger#but as I stated. I'm exhausted.#anyway. this is all to say#if you're feeling so much kinetic energy from rage that you feel the best way to get rid of it is to yell at some rando on the internet#use that energy to do something productive#sign up for a protest; volunteer at your local soup kitchen; teach crafts at the library.#a lot of people need a lot of help right now; why waste time shouting into the void when you could be doing something with genuine impact#the world needs helpers more than ever#if you made it this far thank u I love you; and stay safe out there cowboys 💞
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guy who is so normal when someone pranks him
[Image ID: A digital drawing of Iskall85 from Hermitcraft lying on his stomach on a red Minecraft bed. Iskall is a fat, white, Swedish person with a cybernetic prosthetic left eye, with his right eye being brown. He has a long, brown mullet-like haircut, with back-length hair that is close-cropped on the top. He wears a green sweater, brown pants, dark green socks, and several green hair clips. Iskall lies on the bed with his legs crossed in the air, "like a schoolgirl", and is smiling down at an illegible letter, presumably to be sent to Joel. The background is a screenshot of Stress and Iskall's Hermitcraft street build, blurred and put through a filter. End ID]
#organisation tags:#man. i guess#hermits and crafting#drawn in the void above the nether#reach tags:#iskall85#hermitcraft 10#hermitcraft#digital art#described#notes: i know that bit was a while back but i still find it funny and wanted to draw something. so here i am
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Straight up, if I could have an ability, I think I'd pick Akutagawa's. I'd never have to worry about forgetting an umbrella again, I can keep myself cool, give myself shade, scale buildings, protect myself from bullets, lift heavy things, reach high places, and give myself some cool ass protective armor. Could even use it to drive a car if i was lazy or needed my hands for something else, Rashoumon could carry my shopping bags, or be a makeshift Halloween costume. Or, or, or—
#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#bsd akutagawa#his ability is pretty versatile tbh#imagine you're just walking and minding your own business and see someone with an umbrella coming out of their back#that has realistic looking teeth too and call of the void tells you to reach your hand out to touch it#some real ass 4 am thoughts here right now
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Gear 5 luffy's laugh is so contagious I just hear the drums and go insane how does this work. What did he do to me
#i still cant believe how much this new opening theme goes off.... DREAM SAVE ALL OF US 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥💥💥#wait a second. the robot attacked 200 years ago. the void century was 800 years ago no????? what#oh see it was made 900 years ago.... but why did it attack 200 years ago then.... what happened#it is still so funny how they made evegapunk einstein but with some cunty long legs#200 years ago they gave rights to the gyojin!!! i see i see ✍️✍️also i still wonder why law and kuma have similar hat and pants designs#like there is NO WAY that much similarity isnt done on purpose. NO FUCKING WAY!!! I NEED ANSWERS!!!#are they annihliating cp ships akdhakskd yeah vegapunk letsgo#also the opening song is about dreams and the end one is about luffy reaching shanks...... havent got a clue why but there it is#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1098#also is lucci named lucci bc it kinda sounds like luffy. SERAPHIM KUMA HAS HIS DEVIL FRUIT???? vegapunk could only make zoan fruits????#also wdym when cp0 acts it means its some historic event. lucci is like 25. where are the experienced people here#sentomaru works for vegapunk??? maybe i forgor about this tbh also do theu have a doffy seraphim??? the fact they have animal names....#stussy letting kaku get hurt akdhsjsn oh atlas has lamb ears..... and lucci said she is is prey... no..... the foresahdowing :(#lucci you fucked up she just gave luffy food... that a death sentence look what happened to kaido#episode 1099#<- oh my god btw. god. jesus.#why is akainu telling the cp0 what to do or thinks he can do that... thats the world gov... also thinkng about how garp should fight him#and not luffy.... because of ace you know... i still wonder how did sengoku know who ace's father was... there is only one man who knew....#everyone trying to stop them from fighting ajdhsksjks two rabid dogs fr#LUFFY TAKING OFF HIS JACKET WHEN LUCCI ASKS FOR HIS WANTED SIGN!!!! GO OFF KING!!!! SLAY!!! THE CREW SAW HIM!!! FINALLY!!!#i have been smiling since he started the transformation this is so sick...... i have got a case of the luffy brain#zoan fruits steal the personality of the user when they awaken ✍️✍️ luffy???? nami being the only one who saw gear 5 <3 twins manifesto#robin being so shook about luffy being a god ajdbjansk wdym devil fruits exist because people wish for them. fairy magic real????#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ARE FROM ALTERNATE REALITIES WHERE SOMEONE DREAMT ABOUT THEM??? DOES HE TRAVEL THRU REALITIES FOR THEM???#jinbe has been making this face 😧 every episode three times it is amazing ajdhaksnsk poor man... now he sees a kid angel version of himself#after seeing hia captain turn into a god... he is gonna get a stroke OMG SENTOMARU WE JUST GOT YOU BACK#episode 1100#<- CRAZY. INSANE. OH GOD. ONLY 12 LEFT. THATS A WEEKEND!!! I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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:/
#whispers to the void#ive been working on so many wips recently but im reluctant to finish any because then i know i should post them#and i just know that i dont have the same reach anymore. if that makes sense.#and that no one will really read them?#and idk maybe im happier with my two close friends doing vibe check reading and then not publishing.#like im back to pouring my heart and soul into fics again but theres been a steady decline in people reading my stuff since adored i think?#and since the series ended#and i think it would mess with my head even more if i knew no one was engaging with ideas i came up with 2+ years ago but didnt publish#until now#i know that none of this makes 100% sense and is all rooted in insecurity but yeah#i miss the way the fandom used to feel a little bit. but i cant put it into words.
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You seem like the type to like PS2/ retro themed horror games
https://www.tumblr.com/unma/758912571765080064/truefalse-game-make-an-assumption-about-me-in-my?source=share
Perhaps if I was more into games, you'd be right, especially since horror is a favored genre of mine. I happened to get much more invested in specifically rpg maker horror games instead, so this assumption is false.
I also never got into console gaming, mainly due to the fact that even when I did get consoles we never did spend money on any new games other than what my parents got initially. Also I never owned a playstation, lol.
(Fun fact, I originally picked up Undertale because my friend told me it had monsters and from just the opening cutscene alone I thought it was a horror game. Best false assumption of my life, lol)
#the void asks back#I've only ever owned a Wii U and an Xbox 360#the latter because my dad thought the 360 was more recent than the Xbox 1#I don't blame him.#given that the only games I remember are Wii Sports Prince of Persia that one Avatar Wii U game and Halo Reach#yeah I can't say I ever got into console gaming
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Playlist listened to while writing; https://spotify.link/WzxvdTKBCJb
Holy shit dude, the ceo of rei angst wrote some rei angst what the HELL!! We have to kill her guys she cant keep getting away with this.
Anyways im gonna be writing about a lot of these nerds. I just love rei. This is really rushed and I am really sleepy so it is not my best writing.
Also i cannot write teruya so you will habe to ppppUT UP WITH IT.
Warnings for like. Violence and my attempt at writing a breakdown.
-
Rei held the rusty pipe like a baseball bat, swinging for a homerun as she smacked off the head of someone she once knew. Someone who had abandoned her long ago.
The rotting head of what used to be her mother rolled on the ground, sickly green skin squishing against the ground and stared up at her with lifeless eyes.
“I didn’t want to see you again like this,” Rei hissed as her chest heaved, “i wanted to see you staring with regret as you saw your daughter on top of the world. I didn’t want to kill you or see you dead.”
That had been the second time she had run into her zombified mother. The first, she had been a coward, unable to kill her and her father– the two people she hated most, the two people who had abandoned her and left her on the streets.
Where had all her rage gone that time. When had she become soft.
-
Midori clung to Ryutaro with all the strength in her frail body. “My brother,” she whispered, “i saw my brother’s corpse down there. Kakeru… he… they got Kakeru… they killed Kakeu…”
He didn’t say much in return, but he did pat her hand briefly– the only comforting action he could manage while carrying her.
“I see a store up ahead. Let’s stop by there for supplies.” Keisuke pointed out to the leader of the bunch.
Setsuka patted the clown on the back and gave him a smile. “Sounds good, lead the way. Maki, do you need me to carry Yamaguchi for a bit?”
Midori wrapped her arms and legs around Ryutaro a bit tighter at the suggestion, very much attached to the guy who had found her and saved her from zombies.
“I’ll be fine until we reach the stop.” The blonde nodded his acknowledgement to the bluenette, forcing a smile as he struggled to catch up.
The group walked in silence for a bit, the only sounds being the orchestra of distant zombie groans.
“Miss Yamaguchi,” Hikaru said after bit, his tone fatherly like usual, “may I check your pulse soon? And may I check if the swelling on your ankles has gone down?”
“Yeah, that… sounds good. Thank you, Uncle.”
-
Kanata removed the bandages from Ayame’s arm gradually.
“There isn’t any sign of infection, Hatano. Kinjo and Maki are still out, so… uhm… can I get you something to eat?” The surgeon spoke softly as she stared at the sprinter.
“I’m not hungry…” Ayame mumbled.
“Inori!” Tomori slammed the door open, her eyes sunken from lack of sleep, “i think i got bit. Check! Check, please!!”
Kanata bit back a sigh of exasperation and forced out her cheerful smile. “Of course. Where do you think you were bit this time?”
“My ankle. They went after my ankle so I couldn’t run! They’re going to eat me. I’m going to die, aren’t I? Oh, god, I’m going to die!” The cheerleader’s words were jumbled together and practically nonsensical. She grabbed onto Kanata’s shoulders as she spoke, her nails digging into the other’s lab coat and pressing her skin uncomfortably.
“Miss Tomori,” Kanata winced, “please let go of me. I will check your ankle, but I am sure you are fine.”
“I’m not fine!” Kizuna wailed before glaring accusatory daggers at Ayame. “If you… if you hadn't gotten yourself bitten! If you had just seen that bitch for what she is! We wouldnt be doomed! You’ve doomed us all!”
Ayame took the words without fighting back. What had been the point in fighting anymore? Kizuna was right. She had doomed them all.
“Miss Tomori, please… Taira had us all fooled… if Miss Hatano is to blame, then so are the rest of us…” the blonde murmured. “Please sit down so I can check your ankle…”
-
Mindless. Kinji was mindless. His faith had only been able to spare him for so long.
His teeth were decayed now. His skin was green and purple and yellow. His eyes were dull. His cheeks were sunken.
It was incredible that his mind stayed intact long enough for him to bury as many as he did. The only bodies he didn’t put 6 feet under, the only bodies he couldn’t handle burying, were those of the people he knew.
But what was the point?
-
Yuki held his stomach as he choked up and spat out the last meal he had, beans that had barelt even begun to digest.
“Urgh… gross…” he mumbled to himself.
Shinji was away at the moment, scouting out for the next safe place for them to go and likely trying to find his family in the process.
The lucky student fought back envious tears. At least they knew there was a chance that Shinji’s family was alive– they found his mother, Aiko, brutally murdered in the Maeda household. Her corpse was bloated and rotted when they found it.
The sight still haunted his dreams. He couldn’t even keep.meals down since he saw it.
-
Mikako peered into her brother’s lab. He hadn’t eaten in quite some time, nor had he slept.
“Yamato…” she whispered hesitantly.
He spun around with a dart ready in his hand. He only lowered it after he registered it was her.
“Mikako, I’ve told you to leave me alone. I need to find a cure, or no one will be safe.” The inventor turned back to his work and threw a crumpled up piece of paper to the side.
“I’m sure someone else is searching for a cure, Yamato. Why not try to make a vaccine? Some sort of immunity would help while someone else finds a cure.” The exorcist suggested.
Her brother didn’t seem to have heard. That, or he was ignoring her.
“Ah… nevermind.” She straightened her back and spun on her heel to hunt down their other classmates.
For the newcomers, Satsuki was putting on a performance– juggling empty bottles and broken gadgets whilst telling jokes. That could not be safe, but Haruhiko seemed to have his eyes on her.
The bunker door heaved open, and Teruya’s team came in, carrying boxes full of food and other supplies.
“We’re back with dinner!” The merchant shouted.
Mikako rushed over to take the box from him.
“Thank you, Otori, this should be good for at least a week. You and your scavenger team did good.”
He grinned at her and handed his box over. “Thanks! We uh…” he hesitated, “We saw Taira and Maeda… err… Utsuro? On our flight back… they looked like they were heading somewhere… dunno where…”
She bit her tongue and nodded thankfully at him. “Thank you for telling me.”
-
Thats it. Im hungry good bye.
Aw yeah infection Au moment! I do remember you saying a while back that you wanted to write something about Rei in this Au and MAN her part has gotta be my favorite out of these little snippets.
I really like taking a look at how a bunch of the cast is doing, seeing the way you wrote them in those situations was pretty fun! It reminded me how much i like the idea of Setsuka's like group with the 6.5 cast and how Kanata probably wishes she has a degree in psychology to properly deal with Ayame and Kizuna (she may feel as if she's not doing enough for them seing as her kindness can only bring her so far when dealing with their turmoil)
#i really like thinking about the voids + hibiki in this au too#i never explained this before because i wanted to draw something for it but oh well#basically at one point the voids (as in Nikei Hajime and Emma since Iroha has been zombified and ran away by now) steal some suplies from#Syobai's apocalypse mob. so he sends Kanade and Hibiki to “take care of them” for him#because Kanade has deal with Syobai where she's essentially works as his executor whenever he needs it#and in exchange he lets her take things rom his stocks when she pleases (she mainly takes weapons. the crazier the better)#and you know. Hibiki i in her puppet stage so she goes along#so the twins go after the voids in their mad max-esc apocalypse car and after a while Kanade manages to corner them#and Hibiki takes this opportunity to stab her in the back :) literally#because turns out Hibiki snapped out of her puppet stage at some point a while back. and seeing Kanades terrifying true nature#she wanted to put an end to her madness but for the time being she kept pretending to be under her control. because she wa looking for the#right opportunity to deal a killing blow without because Kanade is a better fighter than her#this opportunity turned out to be the voids! she explains the whole story to them and offers to do something for them to make up#for the hell Kanade and her put them through (chasing them around for several days and getting into fights)#so Hajime asks for her to hand over all of her supplies. Emma asks for the car. and Nikei asks her if she has any information about#a possible cure for the virus (because he feels somewhat guilty for what happened to Iroha) and Hibiki tells her she knows of a scientist#that's working on one and recives chemicals suplies from Syobai (because he wants this capitalize on this cure whenever it gets done)#So by Nikei's orders Hibiki tricks Mikado into giving her a stash of Kokoro's solution and goes with the voids in a search for Iroha#so that they can give her the prototype cure (which works just as a virus suppressant so far) before she reaches a stage where her mind is#too far gone. so overtime Hibiki essentially becomes a void member and she has friends again for the first time since forever#i like infection au Hibiki a lot. i had a sketch of her and Kanade somewhere i think#super danganronpa another 2#danganronpa another#dra#sdra2#zombie au#infection au#hyena ramblings
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Chicago has been voted best city in the country 7 times in a row for the past 7 years. Chicago is not a cesspit.
-Chicago’s daily affirmations it repeats to itself in a mirror
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There is a cost for resurrection, even for a vessel such as Charlotte. As a vessel for the primordial void, Charlotte's body undergoes a supernaturally rapid decomposition after death, decaying so completely and so quickly that in a matter of a couple scant hours, there will be nothing left of her whatsoever. What took a mere fraction of a day to break down, however, will take ( at least ) a few days to reassemble. ( To date, the shortest amount of time it's taken for Charlotte to return is 49 hours; the longest absence was 8 days. )
In the time between her complete decomposition and her reappearance in our reality, the vessel we know as Charlotte must be reassembled, rather painstakingly, by Khaos itself. Just as it did when it first created this vessel, Khaos brings together the fragments of a being: personality traits, memories, stories, and eventually, the physical form, too. Piece by piece, it reassembles the killed and obliterated doll and then, once it feels she is once more ready, like on that sunny day in June all those years ago, it reintroduces this vessel we know as Charlotte back into this reality, this world, this life. As such, it appears, for the most part, that while she may not be totally invincible or capable of auto-resurrection on a god-like level, Charlotte has no real reason to fear death. If she dies, she can be almost certain that she will be back to cause more trouble in no time. But resurrection does not come without a cost and this is a fact Charlotte has become increasingly aware of the more she has gone and come back, gone and come back. . .
"There's never enough...to fill the hole up again." To make a long story short, Stephen King's Pet Sematary revolves around the resurrection of dead things ( animals and people ) and how sometimes, dead is better, because nothing that comes back to life ever comes back exactly the way it was before. There will always be something missing, something wrong. Charlotte's resurrection, at the hands of Khaos, is not an exception to this idea. Each time Charlotte dies and comes back, she may seem mostly intact and to be picking up exactly where she left off, but she is not, in fact, the same. With each "respawn," the vessel will be adjusted and changed based on what the Void deems necessary, but mostly (!) the process of reassembly itself means that there will "never be enough" to make Charlotte exactly as she was again.
Just as a "wound never [seems] to fill in completely" despite being considered healed and healthy once more, the resurrected vessel will, by nature of chaos and decay, contain less and this is the cost of resurrection. For better or worse, there remains a heavy consequence for dying and so, as comical as it sounds, Charlotte has learned to take dying more seriously. With each resurrection, there runs the risk of her losing memories and perhaps some of her humanity, but most assuredly, she loses more of what makes her her... More specifically, with each resurrection, Charlotte grows colder, steadier in a way, and while she may seem more or less the same on the outside ( as Khaos wants to maintain her likeness and essence ), by and by, if you look closely, you won't find the same spark in her eyes that she has now to set her apart from the cold abyss of the primordial entity that resides inside her. Like a wound, Charlotte never heals completely. There is never enough to fill the vessel again. But if there is not enough of her to come back after death, then what must fill the vessel upon its return is obvious: absence. Absence is the cost of resurrection.
#an isolated system.#the primordial chaos theory.#(both excerpts are from Pet Sematary)#colder... as in sunshine in the wintertime...#the thing is that Char's reached a point in her existence where she feels like she has something to live for#she (more or less) likes (?) who she is / how she works / etc.#she's grown colder and steadier relative to her younger self FOR SURE but is still nowhere so cold and still as the actual abyss#she's still very much HUMAN and she has come to really want to keep herself the way she is RIGHT NOW#obviously the changes between deaths are not substantial#she'd have to speedrun approx. 100+ deaths for the ppl who know her NOW to notice a difference ...#but still... she doesn't want to get that ball rolling or gamble w the risks either#bc tbh she does NOT 100% trust the void to suddenly decide that it WON'T bring her back or that it will RESET her or completely change her#anyways thank you so much if you took the time to read <3 I appreciate you very much!
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...
#character here is (yet AGAIN) reinhardt from branch-wdk53#art#ik it was said wrist cutter isnt fitting but ough the art potential#shrimply cant resist drawing blood. its so fun#enjoy the abyss!#cant really remember my reasoning for this outside of banger design; very fun to draw#but something something into the abyss#and well. points to the lack of feeling. tbh i think i overuse it with things like this but man there is so much potential in it#the dissociative disorder W as i call it#my ideas arent very defined and again wc isnt truly fitting of reinhardt#but slaps some thoughts here:#'Only when it is sliced as if one were simply cutting a mere slab of meat can they achieve this.'#'The blood is always kept in equilibrium; it never overflows. Only despair can be found in its sunken depths.'#really all of this goes back to: s/hing just to feel something#and the nothingness itself; go far down enough and you reach a void - nothing#over time and repeated attempts it gets duller as scars compile. it doesnt give you any feeling anymore. it all just becomes nothing#so hm#in genuine consideration i feel like reinhardt wouldnt s/h bc of the clear logic in the way of 'there are way better solutions than this'#but its fun to think about it ig! and plus the design goes hard i couldnt not draw it#blood on pristine white >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#......yknow every single time i draw reinhardt i have so much to say about him#no 1 blorbo of all time. hes literally in my brain now
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okay so there's already quite a number of posts out there about creating the content that you want, but i think this should be addressed too.
if you need a break, then take a break.
to the creators out there, this is a reminder that you are in no means obligated to function like some sort of content factory. you are doing this for free. art in its various form takes time to manifest. you're only human. you have other obligations, interests, and hobbies that will take up your time every now and then. it's. fucking. normal. what isn't normal is when you have to constantly sacrifice your well-being and other priorities for the sake of content.
even if the fandom isn't as active as it used to be, there will always be someone out there who'll find your work and appreciate it. all that matters is that you actually had the guts to post it, and that's more than enough. there are already many content creators in the fandom who dipped and it's fucking sad. to the ones who decide to remain and to the ones who have recently joined, please take care of yourselves. you are much loved and appreciated, and i sincerely hope you'll find sustainable means to keep your passions alive.
#yolk's scrambled thoughts#not expecting this to reach much people since i haven't been posting as much too lately#but whatever i guess lmao#stoopid tumblr algorithm#back into the void i go
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Better ad for my server!
A server with me and my awesome friends!
Nearly every channel has a description telling you what they're for, channels for art, writing, infodumping, and more. Whole categories reserved for Pokemon topics AND Valve Game topics(Half-Life, HDTF, Portal, TF2), plus a category for casual roleplay!
We got voice channels, Bill, place specifically just to show off your OCs, cool and creative people. Get silly, be queer, and get lost in The Void..
Do not join if you are: under the age of 14, a TERF(ANY Kind of Queerphobia will not be tolerated), a centipede, anti-fur(hate furries), or a proshipper(ship adultxchild and incest). (Just don't be a dickhead)
#and the void stared back#my discord server#server ad#half-life#hdtf#hunt down the freeman#half-life 2#portal#portal 2#pokemon#rp#roleplay#ocs#furry#discord server#still have no idea how to tag a server ad to reach the right people
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i will genuinely never understand my dad!!! and i feel guilty for being confused and angered by him!!!! i don't know what he wants and i doubt i ever will
i guess he's known that he's had cancer for over a month now but never told me. and i dont know if it's because he wanted me to reach out/pay attention to him, as he's done in the past or if he just didn't think to, or if it's some other third mysterious reason that i can't think up
we aren't close since he was rarely in my life but i feel like that's something you tell your kid.
and the only reason i found out is because i went to go check and see why he hadn't replied to my message about asking if he wanted to hang out for the thousandth time without getting a response
#[static]#he tells me 'kid im gonna change i miss you i love you we need to hang out more im sorry that i wasnt around'#and then when we try and make plans it's like pulling teeth to get him to follow through#and sure there's been a couple of times in my life where ive had to back out of plans with him but like .....#we're talking less times than i have fingers on one hand in 30 years lol meanwhile he disappears for years without a word regularly#i thought we got somewhere last year when i decided to reach out after i stopped talking to him#we're both adults and we're busy but i somehow manage to have regular scheduled dnd games with 4 other adults twice a month#and i cant get my biological father who claims to want to know me reply to a message#and i know i know i know he's got his own demons and battles but i s2g it's just Frustrating because i dont know what he wants from me#i dont fuck with indecision and i dont like not knowing where i stand with someone#i know that he wont reach out to people in hopes they 'care enough' about him to do it#but like dude .......... SHOW THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME TOO WTF#i want to be unendingly compassionate to him since he's gotta figure out what he's gonna do regarding his throat cancer#but like ..... what am i supposed to do with this lmao he saw my message and didn't reply and maybe he's busy#but he also didnt reply to any of my other messages asking to make time to see each other#but then he called me this summer to see if i was in town when he was there (and i wasn't and it was out of the blue)#he also posted a lowkey transphobic comedy sketch on his page which is weird because that's not really his politics but also he's old#and i can just hear exactly what he'd say about it if i tried to even bring it up to him ever#idk what he wants from me but i sometimes think even he doesn't know#i think we missed our time to mend things into something that makes sense#anyways sorry for the vent into the void i just got new information and dealing with stuff about my dad is always difficult#i have rarely felt wanted by him and have never felt seen for who i am either
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