#the very model of a modern major general

[hamletthedane]

[darkwing-ramblings]

Nothing better to do on a quiet evening when only the breeze can be heard!

oh dear the insomnia again :/

guess i'd better take a walk in my old chapel and relax a bit

sure hope there aren't any pirates waiting to ambush me! :D

[introverting-rn]

hey hey guys heyo

if you haven’t listened to g&s’ the Pirates of Penzance you NEED to it’s genuinely one of the funniest musicals in the world it’s just batshit insane. it reads like a crackfic and i desperately crave aus set in this world because g u y s

the pirates are so chivalrous that they never invade small ships, only ones bigger and better than them. they’re all orphans and when they manage to capture people everyone claims they’re also an orphan so the pirates let them go. the main character frederic works with the pirates because his nursemaid has bad hearing and was ordered to apprentice him to a pilot. frederic jumps out of his hiding place to tell these beautiful girls he was watching their conversation because they were about to take off their stockings how sCA nd aLoU s. frederic sings a whole dramatic betrayal ballad w his forty-year-old nursemaid because she told him she was beautiful so he’d marry her but he thinks she’s hella ugly. this kicks off her villain arc. he asks a whole, entirely unrelated group of ladies if they’re rly ugly and nobody wants to date them, they say no, so he goes ‘😬 u sure?’ twice in a row. THE very model of a modern major general sings his song upon entry, only afterwards asking what’s going on, implying that he sings it every time he sees people. the song is about how good he is at being a general but all he brags about are skills that are entirely irrelevant, eg, integral and differential calculus. frederic plans to exterminate the pirates because he’s turned 21 and left his indenture (they are very respectful about this) but realises he’s apprenticed to them until his 21st birthday and he was born on the 29th of february. there’s these policemen who are just absolute cowards and hide the moment the pirates arrive, then the pirates hear the general arriving and also hide - picture a pirate and a policeman standing obviously behind poles and completely failing to see each other. the policemen echo the ends of lyrics even if it makes no sense, eg “pied in crime” “culty smother”. the pirates sing a song about how stealthy they are, which could be interpreted as just how musicals are, but i’d like to think they’re belting the whole thing. the entire plot is resolved by the sergeant bidding the pirates to yield in Queen Victoria’s name, to which they immediately yield and become noblemen again. oh also it’s a full opera

[reddpenn]

Here is a song about my rock collection! It is a tune you probably recognize. Lyrics under the cut!

Permit me to parade my petrological anthology Collected in my quest for comprehensive mineralogy. Their shininess is second to their science and lithology. This song’s about my rock collection! Man, I love geology.

Oh, amethyst is purple ‘cause of iron, isn’t that real neat? And citrine is just amethyst plus lots of geothermal heat. And smoky quartz is brown from radiation and aluminum… Inclusions such as chlorite, rutile, goethite can bloom in ‘em!

(Inclusions such as chlorite, rutile, goethite can bloom in ‘em!) (Inclusions such as chlorite, rutile, goethite can bloom in ‘em!) (Inclusions such as chlorite, rutile, goethite can bloom in bloom in ‘em!)

Oh, sapphire and ruby, well, they’re both corundum chemically And emerald, aquamarine, and morganite are beryl. See, Historically each color had a different etymology And now they’re in my rock collection! Man, I love geology.

(Historically each color had a different etymology) (And now they’re in my rock collection! Man, I love geology.)

My fluorite is a favorite when it’s glowing under UV light. But should it be from Rogerley it changes when the sun is bright. And if you like fluorescence, put this fact inside your cranium: Chalcedony glows green because of ions of uranium!

When making porcelain vases, you need kyanite that’s powdered fine And celestine’s in fireworks and toothpaste such as Sensodyne. There’s mica in your drywall, and the litterbox has zeolites… Your bones and teeth and kidney stones are all hydroxylapatites!

(Your bones and teeth and kidney stones are all hydroxylapatite!) (Your bones and teeth and kidney stones are all hydroxylapatite!) (Your bones and teeth and kidney stones are all hydroxyl-apple-apa-tite!)

When dating strata layers ammonites can be real helpful guys. The sutures in their shell can tell how long ago they fossilized! And artifacts obsidian track trade in archeology. Those ancient folks had rock collections, man I love geology!

(And artifacts obsidian track trade in archeology.) (Those ancient folks had rock collections, man I love geology!)

Oh, did you know that peridot, as super hot peridotite Makes up the planet’s mantle and is also found in meteorites? Which make lechatelierite when it’s sandy soil that they strike. Another form of that is made by lightning, that’s called fulgurite!

Well, garnet makes the best dodecahedrons that you’ve ever seen. Prismatic crystals with three sides are quite unique to tourmaline. A certain mine in Spain produces pyrite that is cubical… Lepidolite can be botryoidal, but that’s quite unusual.

(Lepidolite can be botryoidal, but that’s quite unusual!) (Lepidolite can be botryoidal, but that’s quite unusual!) (Lepidolite can be botryoidal, but that’s quite unusu-usu-al!)

My knowledge of earth sciences is only as an amateur. But hounding and collecting rocks ain’t only for a connoisseur. And for my love of minerals I’m making no apology. Cause rocks are fun for everyone and man, I love geology!

(And for my love of minerals I’m making no apology.) (Cause rocks are fun for everyone and man, I love geology!)

[natjennie]

love the absurdity of what is and isnt secretive to the captain. we knew he killed a seagull in weymouth the first time he fired a bren gun before we knew his first name. what a strange little guy.

[freetheshit-outofyou]

Fuck nigger is there anything you don't know shit about? I'm sick of seeing your bullshit all day long. Just fucking die already.

Three things: 1. I am white and Native American so your opening moniker doesn't fit me very well.

2. Thank you for being a loyal follower. It's nice to know you read my humble posts daily. Thank you again. 3. And.....

[kom-poetry-channel]

This makes two patter songs I know of in Norwegian; the other one begins "Når en pepperkakebaker baker pepperkakekaker…", which perhaps I will translate into English at some point. Probably this reflects the state of my knowledge more than Norwegian poetry. At any rate I had a lot of fun with this, in particular with 'paradox', 'Pingvin', and 'Froskene'. This is very much a text that rewards reading aloud, both in English and Norwegian; the "toskene/Froskene" rhyme is not all that inspired qua poetry but the line "synge kvekkekoret fra Aristofanes' Froskene", recited at speed and with the driving energy of being close to the end of a verse and the ability to take a quick breath, is Much Fun.

Some notes on the references:

"Hafrsfjord og Stiklestad" versus "Marathon and Waterloo" - the "Fifteen Decisive Battles" was quite influential in Victorian England, but meaningless to Norwegians both then and now, and I think the "order categorical" wouldn't particularly land with a modern English audience. I changed it to have two famous Norwegian battles of roughly equal importance to modern military thinking.

"enkle og kvadratiske" - same as the original but the illustration is the solution to a cubic, commenting on the general's implicit assertion that he knows "both kinds" of equations.

"Heimskringler og Trymskvider" replacing "King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's" - Norse mythology rather than British, obviously; but also I found it amusing to put these singular works in the plural, making the general claim to know more than one of each.

"paradokser lett bestrider" - another use of 'Trymskvider' in that it rhymes, but note the illustration. Of course, in the twenty-first century every armchair general is necessarily very familiar with Paradox Entertainment!

Raphael, Dow, Ziffanij - same as the original; the joke is that, as shown by the paintings, distinguishing these artists is not actually all that difficult.

Pinafore - Gilbert and Sullivan's previous work; intertextuality!

"babylonske språkreform" - mostly for the rhyme with 'uniform', but also it amused me to think that a Norwegian major-general would obviously pick an extremely specific archaic dialect of cuneiform and stick to it come reform or new alphabets. He also probably writes Høgnorsk.

"Caratacus' uniform" - as in the original, the joke is that the 'uniform' consists of a loincloth and nothing else; memorising its details is no feat.

"på missilet og på fugl Pingvin" - as soon as I realised that 'Pingvin', as in the missile, rhymes with 'ravelin', which is both obsolete and untranslatable, I knew I'd have to work the bird in somehow.

"artilleri/liturgi" - this one is my least favourite, as the nun is actually supposed to be more knowledgeable than the general about tactics, his presumed area of expertise, not hers. But at least I managed to get a nun in there at all.

"bentfram eventyrerisk" versus "plucky and adventurey" - the word 'plucky' is just Not Translateable. "The beginning of the century" has a very different meaning now than it did in 1879, two centuries' worth of difference, but happily 'napoleonisk' rhymes with 'eventyrerisk' with only a small change in emphasis, so it all works out.

Jeg er selve prototypen på moderne generalmajor kan alt om planter, dyreliv og steinarter som fins på jord. Jeg kjenner kongerekken, og kan nevne alle deres slag fra Stiklestad til Hafrsfjord: Slik er det militære fag. Jeg har også mye kunnskap hva angår det matematiske, forstår godt alle ligninger, både enkle og kvadratiske. I diskusjon om binomikk der gjør jeg alltid god figur, med mange glade fakta om hypotenusens kvadratur! På integral- og differensialregning der er jeg god jeg kan latinske navn på en mikroskopisk smådyr-zoo, kort sagt: Om planter, dyreliv og steinarter som fins på jord er jeg selve prototypen på moderne generalmajor!

Jeg er kjent med sagatiden, både Heimskringler og Trymskvider, løser vanskelige kryssord, alle paradokser lett bestrider, siterer elegeisk alle synder til Elagabalus takler merkelige kjeglesnitt om så de kommer helt bardus, kan skille Raphael fra Dow og Zoffanij, de toskene, og synge kvekkekoret fra Aristofanes' Froskene!

Så kan jeg nynne flerstemt om en opera er litt innafor, og plystre all musikk fra det forbante tullball ``Pinafore''. Jeg kan skrive kileskrift fra før den babylonske språkreform, og gjengi all detalj hva angår Caratacus' uniform; kort sagt: Om planter, dyreliv og steinarter som fins på jord er jeg selve prototypen på moderne generalmajor!

Når jeg vet hva som menes med "mamelon" og "ravelin", når jeg ser forskjell på missilet og på fugl Pingvin, når jeg ikke rundt sorti og bakholdsangrep uforsiktig trør, når jeg forstår nøyaktig hva en kvartermester faktisk gjør,

når jeg har lært meg litt om ymse fremgang i artilleri, og vet mere om taktikk enn yngste nonne kan om liturgi, kort sagt, når jeg har lært litt mer om elementær strategi, vil du si at ingen bedre generalmajor sin hest kan ri!

For min kunnskap, skjønt at jeg er bentfram eventyrerisk, er oppdatert kun til det som kalles napoleonisk; men dog, hva angår planter, dyreliv og stein på jord, er jeg selve prototypen på moderne generalmajor!

[marley-manson]

the worst part about being into an 11 season episodic show is that there are inevitably a few episodes here and there that don’t quite fit the rest characterization-wise, and then people base their characterizations on those episodes

[antvnger]

*snorts* Where did you get that costume?

C’mon, Meme Lord *giggles* There’s more lyrics than that.

[cynicalclassicist]

Took me a moment to get this post about Major-General parodies.

I cannot stand the parodies of modern major general, they're overdone and simply not as good as the original. They've done them about everything, whatever topic, big or small.

And when i notice one of them my eyes will always start to roll.

The diction's always slurry when they rush the complicated words, and adding many fricatives will turn it so cacophonous. The slanted rhymes are silly and they keep just making more and more, please someone stop the parodies of modern major general.

The scanning of the lyrics in the meter is unbearable, they emphazise the syllables in ways that are untenable, in short in matters musical, prosodic and ephemeral, i cannot stand the parodies of modern major general!

[pebbles-scatter]

watching ghosts bbc rn and wow captain and cavendish are rly similar lol

[grison-in-space]

wondering about whether you could rec some "romance is a social construct" texts? ofc it is, but i like having books and articles to reference/learn specifics from/see how these ideas have developed.

Sure! Here's a quick reading list. Bear in mind that I am not a professional historian and my reading on this subject is a little diffuse. I'm not tackling the behavioral ecology stuff right now because a) I don't have a more direct book rec off the top of my head than Evolution's Rainbow, which is not technically focused on social monogamy, and also b) I approach that whole field with my eyes wide open for people letting their own perspectives and cultural views get in the way of their observations of animals, and I do not have the energy to go deal with it right now.

If you're going to read two books, read these two:

Stephanie Coontz, Marriage, A History: how love conquered marriage. 2006. All of Coontz' work, having to do with the social construction of the family, is relevant reading to this question (and I'd also recommend The Nostalgia Trap, because the historical context of how we conceptualize families is a major part of the construction of romantic love), but this one is most focused on the social construction of romantic love specifically and what it has replaced. Coontz is, I will disclose cheerfully, a major formative influence on my thinking.

Moira Wegel, Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating. 2016. Exactly what it says on the tin; focuses more closely on the modern invention of dating and romance.

Other useful readings to help inform your understanding of different ways that various people have conceptualized sex, sexuality, society and long-term connection include:

George Chauncey, Why Marriage? 2015. Chauncey is best known for Gay New York, which also offers a useful history of the way that relationship models and social constructs for understanding homosexuality changed among men having sex with men c. 1900 to 1950. This book, published just before Obergefell v. Hodges, is a discussion of why contemporary queer rights organizations focused on same-sex marriage as an activism plank in the wake of AIDS organizing. I find it really useful to read queer history when I'm thinking about how we understand and construct the concept of romantic relationships, because queers complicate the mainstream, heteronormative concepts of what marriage and romantic relationships actually are. More importantly, queer activist organizing around marriage has played a major role in shaping our collective understanding of romance and marriage in the past twenty years.

Elizabeth Abbott, A History of Celibacy, 2000. In order to understand how various cultures construct understandings of marriage and spousal relationships, it can be illustrative to consider what the people who are explicitly not participating in the institution are doing and why not. I found this an interesting pass over historical and social institutions that forbid (or forbade) marriage with a discussion about general trends driving these institutions, individuals, and movements towards celibacy.

Eleanor Janega, The Once and Future Sex, 2023. This is a very pointed historical look at gender roles, concepts of beauty, and concepts of sex, attraction, and marriage among medieval Europeans with an extended meditation on what ideas have and have not changed between that time and today. I include this work because I think a deep dive into medieval notions of courtly romance is useful, partly because it is an important origin of our modern notion of romantic love and partly because it is so usefully and starkly different from that modern notion! Sometimes the best way to understand the cultural construction of ideas in your own society is to go look at someone else's and see where things are the same versus different.

It's a mish-mash of recommendations, and I'm reaching more for books that have stuck with me over the years than a clean scholarly approach to the subject. I hope other folks will chime in for you with their own recommendations!

[balaenabooks]

@theboarsbride

I am the very model of a plucky gothic heroine

I cannot sleep at night so now I'm running on adrenaline

The house in which I live you see is almost like a character

And the secrets of my husband set a truly odd parameter

I'm very well acquainted too with all the secret passages

I shelter in the lib'ry and overcome all challenges

And running in my nightgown is something I am so skillful at

And limping through a dreadful storm is just my nat'ral habitat

[jvmesdoesart]

✨️POm-POm ✨️

he's the very model of a modern major general.

[sinfullyrosey]

The Very Model of a Modern Major General

[Y/N sitting by one of the Diasomnia windows, gazing out at it forlornly]

Y/N, sighs: When will my husband return from the war?

Malleus: Husband?

Sebek: WAR??

Silver, just waking up: Huh? What now..?

Y/N: He’s been gone for so long…

Malleus: I didn’t know you were married?

Sebek: Human, wHAT WAR?!?

Silver: *is terribly confused*

Y/N, sighing more: Sometimes, I can still hear his voice…

Lilia, waltzes in carrying groceries: I’m back!

Y/N, starry eyed: Lilia!~ *springs up and rushes over to him to engulf him in a hug, planting kisses all over his face*

Lilia, laughing: I was gone for only half an hour, my dear.~

Malleus, Silver, & Sebek: . . . 

Silver: Ah.