#the version of penny was perfect she was great

[cpyclopse]

Literally them<333 I think NutsnDolts was like my first legit ship

( pt. 1/2)

[My Art]

[withwritersblock]

When He Sees Me

~When He Sees Me from the Waitress soundtrack but the Sara Bareilles cover~

Author's Note: AH yes, very specific song choice but covers sometimes hit better than the actual version of the song. That's my hot take for the day. Summary: Y/N is set up on a blind date Word Count: 1,267 Warnings: embarrassment? Cole Caufield x fm!reader

She never thought she would agree to this. Her friend, Penny, had this amazing idea, her words, to set Y/N up on a blind date. As if she would ever be comfortable enough to deal with the concept of randomly meeting up with a stranger.

After her breakup with her boyfriend, several months back, her friends have been dyign for her to get back out there. Seek out someone. She spent the last four years of her life in Montreal.

The city was always her favorite place to visit as a kid. Her father lived in Quebec for the majority of his young life. After he met her mother, he moved to Ottawa with her. That’s where Y/N grew up, but she spent a lot of her childhood visiting her grandparents in Montreal as it was only a couple hours away. 

Now, she lives there permanently with her friends she met at university there. She has a great job but according to her friends; she has a social life that is failing miserably.

Which is why she is going on a blind date with someone who she only knows his first name.

Cole.

Cole could be rude to the baristas. 

Cole could talk too fast. 

Cole could ask personal questions that are way too personal for a first date. 

What if he calls the barista by their first name?

There were so many different principles that could make this date go bad. She sat in her car staring into her reflection of her rear view mirror. Is this too much makeup? What if it’s not enough? Her fingers coursed through her hair, adjusting it to be perfect. But what if it was just perfect and now she just ruined it.

She took a deep breath as she stared at the time on her clock. Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes until it’s socially acceptable to be early. 

She took another deep breath as she glanced at the text from Cole saying which coffee shop would be perfect. It was a small cafe that she had gone to many times before. She studied there as well as got all of her work done there as well. They know her. She drops her forehead against the steering wheel as her eyes shut. 

The music in the background was comforting for so long until it wasn’t drowning out the nerves rising in her throat.

What if he’s perfect? 

What if he’s so perfect she can’t hide how she feels? 

What if he’s genuine and kind?

What if he wants to go out again?

She lifted her head from her steering wheel and decided it was the perfect amount of time to leave her car. She took a hold of her small purse and dropped her keys inside of it. She took another shaky breath as she slowly stepped out of her car, shutting the door locking it multiple times before she decided to walk towards the cafe shop. 

She ran her hands across the top of her jeans as she walked across the empty street. Her gaze staring towards the window. She squints her eyes slightly at the man sitting beside the window. He was familiar in a way that felt wrong. She continued onto the sidewalk and got closer to the window to see Montreal Canadiens player Cole Caufield sitting in the chair. 

Cole. 

This is a coincidence. Cole is a popular name. Her blind date wouldn’t be the Habs player who her Montreal native father never shuts up about. Of course not. Her eyes continue looking towards him, she watches his head tilt upward. 

Her eyes widened as she quickly hid behind the brick wall beside the coffee shop. Her heart was racing. He saw her, there’s no way. She clenches her jaw as she pulls her phone from her back pocket.

She began dialing Penny, she pulled the phone towards her ear. It only rang twice before Penny picked up. “Cole? It’s not Cole Caufield right? Because the fact that I even think it could be is crazy? Right?” 

Penny giggles, “If I told you that it was-”

“How do you even know him?!” she whispered harshly.

“My sister is dating his teammate, you know this,” she said laughing.

Y/N stared blankly at the concrete as her brain wrapped around the fact that Cole Caufield was waiting for her in the cafe. He probably saw her run away from him and hide, not the greatest first impression.

“He knows what you look like, he probably saw you run and hide. You ran and hid, right?” she asked teasingly. Y/N rolled her eyes as she took a deep breath. “Just go in and sit down. If you hate it, you can leave,” Penny said, hanging up the phone. 

Y/N held the phone beside her ear for a few beats before she slowly dropped her phone from her ear and shakenly put it into her back pocket. She took a deep breath as she adjusted her top before she began walking towards the coffee shop again.

She looked towards the window where Cole was sitting, a smile planted on his face. He followed her movements into the coffee shop, her cheeks heating up as she clenched her jaw. She swung the door open and a small chim rang as she stepped inside. Her gaze turned towards Cole, he was already standing up to meet her in the middle.

“Y/N?” he asked, still smiling widely. She nodded. “Penny, didn’t tell you it was me did she?” he asked as he pointed towards the long line for coffee. 

“How’d you know?” she asked, chuckling. 

“I kinda saw you run when you saw me,” he said, fighting off the smile on his lips. Her mouth fell open as her eyes shut. 

“I think I may just go, that was-” she said sarcastically as she pointed behind her. He rolled his eyes playfully.

“No, no it was cute,” he mumbled before they shuffled slightly forward in line. She smiled softly as she dropped her gaze. 

They were silent for a moment, just taking in each other's presence. It wasn’t as awkward as Y/N pictured it would be. “Why’d you agree to this blind date, which was apparently only blind to me,” she said, chuckling nervously. 

He smiled before tilting his head back. “Guhle and Penny were getting on me about how “lonely” I’ve been since my last relationship ended. They told me that Penny has this gorgeous friend who is allegedly going through the same thing,” he explained, his face tilting back and forth as he air quotes around “lonely”. She nodded as a reply.

“I don’t usually go on dates with strangers,” she mumbled as they shuffled towards the counter, they were next in line.

“Me neither, it’s hard,” he mumbles, meeting her gaze. He smiles again. She returns it. 

“Why do you keep smiling?” she asked, teasingly. She wants him to continue, it was intoxicating. It was becoming hard to breathe.

“You’re hard not to smile around,” he muttered, his cheeks flushing red, “That was cheesy, wow. Maybe Guhls is right, I'm way out of practice,” he expressed. She giggled as they stepped up to the counter.

“My two favorite regulars, together? I’d never thought I’d see the day,” Justin, the barista said as the pair reached the counter. “Y/N, you want that lavender latte? Cole, the americano?” he asked, pointing between them. Their eyes widened as they looked toward one another, slowly nodding. Cole handed him his card before Y/N could fully react.

[decaffeinatedbreadsublime]

Say Anything — Raj Koothrappali x Reader

Author's Note: I kind of liked this one? I hope you like it too!

P.S: English is not my first language, sorry if it's bad!

Warnings: insecurities, ending relationships and cheesy things!

Summary: you and Raj break up, but he decides to fight for your love

You knew that Raj had a rather peculiar past when it came to women and relationships.

In his youth, Raj would easily fall in love, yet due to his extreme shyness and selective mutism, he couldn't even manage to say "hello" to them. It was during a turbulent phase, what Penny referred to as "the Martini incident," that Raj discovered alcohol helped him loosen up and converse with women, albeit adopting an arrogant and self-assured personality.

His journey towards forming meaningful relationships was slow and steady, marked by several romances until he eventually began dating you. You dubbed him "Raj 5.0," believing you had found the most refined version of him, the perfect boyfriend.

There had never been issues with his past relationships or his tendency to swiftly transition from one romance to another, as he seemed to have changed. However, that night, you discovered he harbored a darker side.

"So, Y/N," Penny said while pouring you a glass of wine during a girls' night where you were invited as Raj's new girlfriend, "how are things going with him?"

"Wonderfully," you replied with a smile. "When I used to see him around the Caltech corridors, I thought he was just a funny nerd. I never imagined he could be such a passionate lover."

"We're all surprised by Raj's transformation," Bernadette remarked. "We knew he was a good boyfriend to my husband, but we weren't sure if he had the same skills with other women."

"Yes, he doesn't seem like the Raj who broke up with his girlfriend on Valentine's Day to pursue another woman, and when she rejected him, he tried to backtrack. Or went out with his ex while he was dating another girl" Penny commented, inadvertently laughing at the memory.

You stopped laughing immediately.

"Raj did that?" you asked, a mixture of concern and sadness in your tone. "That's terrible."

"Sweetie, Raj had his moments," Penny began, trying to justify. "But he's changed."

"Do his 'moments' mean he's acted like this more times?" you inquired, placing the wine glass carefully on the table, trying to process everything.

"He's come a long way since then, Y/N," Bernadette attempted to explain.

"I thought he was just clumsy, I didn't knew he had been so terrible to his ex-girlfriends"

A heavy silence filled the room. Bernadette nervously played with the wine glass.

"Unbelievable," you murmured, getting up to fetch your purse. "I thought he was different, he's just like everyone who hurt me"

With tears in your eyes, you left the house.

"Remember when you explained to me about comments that help and those that don't?" Amy said to Penny “I think that one definitely didn't help, bestie"

***

That night, you decided to end things with Raj. It was overwhelming for your mind, having been hurt enough in past relationships.

You had thought he was different, a man you could trust. He was romantic, kind, attentive, and cooked for you every night. Yet you knew that all princes could turn into beasts, and Raj seemed to have great potential for that. You didn't want to be around when that happened.

You went to his house to break up. You could have sent a message or ended it remotely, but that seemed heartless. With red-rimmed eyes from crying, you knocked on his door. He tried to hug you, mentioning he was surprised you were there since it was supposed to be a girls' night. You dodged the embrace and amid his confused expression, you ended it. He said nothing, just stood there for a while. You didn't explain your reasons, simply stating it couldn't go on.

In his stunned silence, you left.

***

 Raj gently knocked on Penny's door at ten o'clock in the evening. Just two hours ago, you had broken up with him, and since then he had cried like never before. His head throbbed intensely, and he felt dizzy.

"Sweetie, what happened?" Penny asked, visibly concerned, as she opened the door. She led him to the sofa and waited for him to gather himself.

"Y/N broke up with me," he said, tears welling up again. "She didn't even explain why, just said she needed to end it. I already miss her so much." It was then that he broke down in tears. "Why did she end it like that? Has she grown tired of me? Am I so hard to love?"

Penny remained silent for a moment, guilt squeezing at her heart. She comforted Raj while summoning the courage to speak.

"Raj... Y/N knows about Emily's story."

"What!?" Raj exclaimed, startled. "She must think I'm a jerk!"

"Well... Kind off."

"How did she find out? It doesn't matter. Maybe I am a fool, but I've changed so much for her. Before, I couldn't see sincerity in people, I'd fall in love and then grow tired... but she has held me in a way that I can't imagine my life without her now. But it's no use, she's gone."

"Don't give up just yet," Penny said, her tone encouraging. "Y/N is frightened, you know how impulsive she can be at times. She's had many bad relationships before and she's afraid this might be just another one."

"And what if it is?"

"It won't be. You love her and you've changed for her. Get some rest and talk to her tomorrow, give her time to cool her head as well."

***

Raj knew he should have waited a little longer. Lying on his bed, he tossed and turned all night.

Penny had given him hope that he should try, and he had decided to try. At three in the morning, he felt he could wait no longer and made his way to her apartment, with an old and ridiculously large sound system that until then had served only as decoration in his Raj Mahal.

And at three-thirty in the morning, you were awakened by the sound of "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel. At first, you squirmed in bed, thinking it was just a dream. Upon waking and realizing the music wasn't just in your head, you considered the possibility of a party or a neighbor. However, as the music grew louder, you decided to look out the window, and there was Raj holding the sound system for you like Lloyd Dobler in "Say Anything."

"Raj, what are you doing!?" you exclaimed, opening the window. A cold front blew in, causing you to clutch your long-sleeved blouse pajamas tighter.

"I'm showing you that I haven't given up on our love, like Lloyd Dobler!" he replied, and you couldn't help but laugh.

"That's so cheesy!" you responded amidst laughter. "Come up here, it's terribly windy out there."

He turned off the music and stowed it back in the car before coming up. His heart was racing; he hadn't planned much beyond surprising you.

When he knocked on your apartment door, you hugged him tightly, your warm body contrasting with his cold one in the predawn chill.

"Who would've thought, cold in July and in Pasadena. They weren't kidding about global warming, huh?" you said, a habit of making random comments in stressful situations. Raj knew this, and he knew he wasn't here for small talk, so, holding your face gently, he gave you a passionate kiss, even knowing you might hate him for it for the rest of your life.

"The guy you hate, the Raj of the past who was a jerk with women and reminds you of your exes... I hate him too. I hate him and I'm disgusted by him, but he doesn't exist anymore... thanks to you."

"Raj..."

"I can't explain what happened, maybe it's just a soulmates thing where after just one day with you, I knew you're the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and do things right."

"I was really scared when I found out you used to be such... I guess the word is a jerk. I've been hurt and deceived many times, and when they told me about your past, my instinct was to end it before it got worse."

"I wouldn't be like that with you."

"I don't know. There's no way for me to know. You could get tired of me or fall in love with someone else, there are so many ways this could end with a broken heart. And I'm scared."

"Y/N..."

"But I like being with you, and I've decided to take a risk. I thought a lot from the moment I broke up with you and I know I was very... Intense with my decision, and I regretted it because everyone can be horrible, I can't predict that. 

But to stay with you, you need to promise me that you will always be honest with me. Communicate any feeling and don't make me look like a fool."

"Always, Y/N, I will always do whatever you want," he said, embracing you tightly.

"The Say Anything move was a nice touch," you said with a laugh, breaking the embrace.

"Oh, you know I'm a hopeless romantic," he chuckled, holding your face again for another kiss.

[made-by-marlow]

The Pomegranate Tree [sdv Elliott x male farmer oc] Part Two: Pelican Town

ao3 version

Masterlist | First | Next

Hazel scanned the rustic buildings and people as leather boots tapped stone pavement. It was much quieter, in a way that was appreciated. No cars, simply the chatter of birds and women who shared the experience of motherhood, raising both toddlers and kids in their 20s struggling to move out. Giggles and squeals of two younger children. Casual conversation of strangers seemingly their age. Likely the twenty-something-year-olds in question.

Hazel had once heard a rumor that the people here appreciate gifts. It was hard to remember who exactly he heard that from. Grandpa, the mayor, who knows. The thought led to Hazel collecting a handful of dandelions and daffodils on his way over.

He searched for someone similar to him. Mid or early twenties. Someone who could understand him.

A young ginger woman sat under a tree, book in hand. That he could understand. That was the peace he longed for. A simple book under the tree. He hates to interrupt her moment, but it was the perfect time to test the theory of presents.

"Hi." The stranger looked up from her book. A romance one, judging by the cover. She seemed surprised by the other, green eyes widening. Social anxiety. Understandable. Knowing that a moment too late sent a small wave of guilt over the other.

"I'm Hazel, the new farmer."

"Oh, I've heard about you..." Her tone was quiet, soft. She wasn't sure what to say. Instead of returning to the book, she obliged in the conversation.

"I'm Penny, the not so new school teacher." Hazel joined the other on the grass. Satisfying, thriving grass. Hazel fought the temptation to rip the grass from the ground.

Sitting beside her, he could see the two kids she was monitoring. Six or seven years old, if he had to guess. It felt appropriate for the next line to be one of humor.

"Awfully large class you got." Penny laughed, hiding a pinch of embarrassment.

"Okay... not a teacher. But I have a teaching degree. We don't exactly have enough kids for school." She thought about how to continue the expiation. "So, I'm their 'tutor.' They're each homeschooled." She sighed. "I thought a white lie could impress you."

"You don't need to impress me." Hazel reached into the bag pulling out a dandelion. "I got you something."

Penny's eyes lightened as they looked at the flower, a smile growing on her face. "I love these." The smile made Hazel worry the gift would evolve into a crush and he would have to come out as gay to someone he just met. She seemed like to the type to fall fast.

"Thank you," Penny smiled. The gift was set to her side. "And thank you, for talking to me. You didn't have to."

"No problem." Hazel pushed himself off the ground. "I need to put myself out there and make some friends. Especially with this much opportunity."

"You know, you remind me of someone," Penny said. Hazel stopped. "It's uh, not every day you see a guy with long hair like yours." She panicked. "I'm not judging of course! It looks great. I just thought you would want to meet Elliott."

Elliott. The first syllable of the name reminded him of his younger sister, Ellie. She was finally turning 18, reminding Hazel that he's almost 23. The name all together sounded masculine and feminine at the same time. Each syllable flowed to the next smoothly off the tongue.

He should not be thinking this much about a name.

"He lives on the beach. That way." Penny gestured to two stone pillars, a path leading to sand. That's all he needed to know.

Hazel walked past two strangers he could have introduced himself to. Although he kicked himself for it, this felt more important. To meet a stranger he knew nothing about, only the length of his hair and beauty of the name.

The stranger in question sat at a dock facing the ocean, legs dangling and caressing the water. Hazel found himself unable to move closer. Just like the girl before, it felt shameful to interrupt one's peace. The stranger was minding his business, looking at the water. He wondered what the other was thinking about.

"Hi. I'm the new farmer." The boy seemed startled, surprised that someone besides the local fisherman came to the beach. It seemed to make him happy that someone was there. Someone who also appreciated the water.

"Hazel. The people have spoken of you." Again. That was an anxiety inducing thought.

"I hope I've lived up to your expectations so far." Hazel sat next to the other, unwilling to take off his shoes and touch the water like Elliott was. Not only an embarrassing thing for Hazel to do, revealing his toes so early into the friendship, but the sensory aspect of the water. Cold and wet.

Instead, he admired the aesthetic of the stranger. Dirty blond hair flowed down his back, rather thin with a slight curl. The whole thing was tied together with a red ribbon.

"Penny complimented your hair," Hazel spoke up. "I would have to agree with her." A smile shown on the other's face.

"Thanks, yours too."

Hazel's own hair was tied back into two twin tails, to keep out of his face but not hide it in a single ponytail. A dark brunette, framing hazel green eyes. The name and eye color was a coincidence.

"What brings you to Stardew Valley?"

"A new beginning." A basic answer, but a true one.

"Something we all need."

[liennalei]

What ruins the RTC revival

So i’ve been brainrotting over RTC these last weeks and. watched both bootlegs. while the original holds a dear place in my heart, the revival simply isnt as good. So Im going to rewatch it and write down the reasons why. 

DISCLAIMER: LONG POST

AN: please watch the show before reading this. it wont make sense otherwise.

Also. R! is used to talk about the revival character. Likewise, O! is used to talk about the original character. Cause holy shit they are completely different characters.

1. Humanoid Karnak. i refuse to elaborate. 

2. “Virgil shall play— the bass”. I loved that delivery, and now it’s gone

3. When explaining the rules about the armrest, Karnak goes a bit too fast, which ruins the comedy for me

4. “I assure you, none of the calls you are about to receive will have life altering consequences (pause. looks down) except for one of you”. THE PAUSE IS GONE. THE PAUSE WAS WHAT MADE IT FUNNY.

5. THE CHOIR FACES THE PUBLIC. 

I will elaborate. In the original version, the choir is on the other side of the stage, facing backwards, and only face the public when dead. This helps establish that the stage is the afterlife. THIS VERSION DOESNT DO THAT. 

6. R!Mischa looks old. The entire cast looks old, but R!Mischa looks like a 40 year old. Thats a grown ass man sir.

7. No Penny foreshadowing in the newspaper.

8. The segment of "something doesnt feel quite right–" is gone. I loved that segment. I feel its fundamental to introducing us to the characters.

9. No friendly banter between Ocean and Noel during the song :(

10. RICKY ISNT SUPPOSED TO SING YET. Even if hes already dead, the others arent supposed to know he can already talk.

11. On the subject of R!Ricky. The crutches are gone. What the fuck. I know why but i hate why.

12. R!Ocean is the one asking "where are we?". And its not scared, its not confused, its just... a question. O!Constance's delivery is far better.

13.

DEMOCRACY ROCKS!

I hate this delivery. R!Ocean's "Democracy rocks!" was perfect: preppy, upbeat... this singy-songy democracy rocks sucks. O!Ocean wouldve never.

14. I hate R!Ocean. I refuse to elaborate.

Sike! I will. She's doesnt look the "overachiever golden girl" part. I dont mean her looks, i mean her attitude– she seems normal. She seems like a normal girl, shes not even half as annoying! Thats what made O!Ocean great– her being annoying yet lovable!

15. Mischa doesnt grab his crotch :(

Okay i must elaborate. The crotch grabbing may seem weird but its part of the gangsta persona. The psoture this Mischa adopts is simply... not it.

16. That was emasculating...

After the "i am naked child in the wilderness" introduction, O!Mischa says "that was whack". Not emasculating. Hes surprised that hes said that, but he doesnt say that it doesnt represent him. He knows he is vulnerable, and he embraces it. R!Mischa seems embarrassed of this side of him. WHICH IS NOT MY DEAR MISCHA.

17. Instead of giving the discourse, Ricky simply says "Level up". There is no character.

18. On the topic. The choir realises he can speak only now. There is no "The twilight zone" moment, no "It certainly appears that way. Badass" moment. Fuck this.

Sidenote: we're at the 13 min mark

19. R!Jane Doe is less autistic coded. Shes just creepy. Inherently bad.

20. "Playing games where people"s lives are on the table is

Super illegal"

This delivery makes no sense. Why would she say it like that. Why would she move her hips alongside that line.

21. This monologue's delivery is shit. It reads like a comedic monologue, and not a "debate team" monologue.

22. The improv thing. Why would you add that. I mean i know why but why.

23. "IT TAKES TWO WINGS TO FLY–" R!Ocean is a theatre kid in the bad way. O!Ocean was a debate team kid. O!Ocean was better and more in line with the character

24. Instead of singing the "Oh nooOOOooO" she says "Nope. Nope." Why. Oh, I know why!

25. This Ocean can't sing. Im sorry. No offence, but this actress isn't fit for this role. Her voice doesnt adjust to Ocean's registry.

26. Instead of the euphoric "WHAT A RUSH" we get a full of soberbia "What a rush~". R!Ocean is meaner.

I have to note R!Constance is one of the few good things in here. Her delivery is great and her dialogue is good.

27. "And then i got to get on that ride. Thanks" got replaced with a line that makes Ricky seem like an incel

Okay i know that ricky IS horny but hes NOT an incel. "No one wants to make out with the tambourine guy". O!Ricky wouldnt complain about that. He complained about riding the cyclone and DYING.

28. Instead of trying to get a hug, Jane tries to offer up her doll. I just loved that part :( it gives her character.

R!Noel is also good. Not as good as O!Noel, but good. The nativity scene is awkward, but it fits. So im not counting that.

And the transition from Noel to Monique is amazing.

29. But, as much as I like this Noel's acting... the singing is mediocre. It sounds like a karaoke performance. It looks like a karaoke performance. It feels like a karaoke performance.

Its been half an hour. I need help.

31. The dance during "THAT FUCKED UP GIIIIIIIIIIRL" changes and its worse.

32. Again, I hate R!Ocean

33. Every Story's Got a Lesson. Again, she cant sing.

34. The porno bit is gone. It gave Ricky some depth.

35. The Saw V bit is gone too. It was so funny :(

36. The improv thing..... sucks. Constance lets to, and she is supposed to be the restrained girl until her song. It breaks the character. It ruins the surprise.

37. The transition to Mischa's turn is rough as fuck

38. Mischa's backstory here makes him seem like an asshole. The original was this sad story, this one is just angry. Its reductive.

39. He says "Mostly positive feedback" as a bad thing, says it /neg. Doubting. O!Mischa was amazed, loving, said it /pos.

40. It was HILARIOUS when he said "Good for hot dog (raises index, as in "1"), but not so good for Ukraine (raises middle finger too, as in "2") so THANK YOU FOR KILLING MY MOTHER (leaves middle finger up)". GUESS WHAT. THATS GONE AS WELL.

41. The pause before "Autotune will never die" is gone too

42. To put it simply, R!Mischa didnt slay. O!Mischa slayed.

43. Why does Ricky have a box in his head. What the fuck. I know why but why.

44. It takes too fucking long for Mischa to get his. Uh. Thingy around the waist (fajín in spanish).

45. The Talia projection on the sheet/skirts is bad. Im sorry. Its just bad. Not as creative, not as perfectly-timed...

46. I miss the bit where Talia appears in Mischa's chest. As if it were his heart. It was so emotional yo

47. The dubstep part is not as good. I loved the circle with the fortnite dance.

48. Mischa is off tune by the end of the song

49. THE PART WHERE OCEAN IS SPED UP IS GONE.

50. The transition to Ricky is shit. Its just "yo why dont you go next"

51. R!Ricky not smooth. Ocean is weak to her knees for no reason.

52. The backstory changes for no reason???? Hes not disabled he just wont speak????? There truly was no need.

I'll admit it: this man Can Dance

53. UNDERWEAR JUMPSCARE. WHAT THE FUCK.

54. R!Ricky is less autistic coded. Hes just WEIRD. Inherently bad.

55. The space jesus line is delivered badly

56. R!Jane Doe doesnt fly.

Thats my only complaint, and its justifiable. R!Jane Doe is one of the few things done right here.

57. The New Birthday Song is less awkward in the beginning. Less like theyre making it up on the spot and more like they all knew it already.

58. I just realised the bit of LOVE CONQUERS ALL IS GONE.

59. Retroactively, NO PART OF "DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WOULDVE HAPPENED IF TALIA AND MISCHA HAD MET?" . That was so poetic,,,,,, and now its gone,,,,,,

60. Ocean's breakdown isnt much of a breakdown.

R!Constance. Wow. I love her. She is the only other good thing in here.

61. I HATE R!Ocean

62. R!Ocean doesnt elaborate on why it shouldnt be her. She isnt self aware as the original.

63. The final montage doesnt show us her entire life. Sure, it shows her POV, but theres no old Penny.

64. Karnak breaks and talks normally afterwards.

65. They dont smile profoundly as they disappear. Thats the saddest change.

My final thoughts

It is a great show. This is not a decent show. Most of the songs sound off, except for Sugar Cloud and The Ballad of Jane Doe, and the acting is mediocre at best. 

Maybe it’s not as bad. Maybe the original is so good that it simply can’t measure up to it. 

Heck, maybe i’m conditioned after having watched it thousands of times.  Hate and love are two sides of the same coin: perhaps, had i not loved the original so much, i wouldn’t have hated this rendition as profusely. 

Regardless, I did not like the Blue Bridge version. 

Your lucky number is 7. Be sure to Ride the Cyclone. 

[simptasia]

I know you ship them (I think), and I've filled your inbox with them but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Desmond x Charlie. I know that's kind of vague, but anything really any hcs and you know porn hcs, your perfect dynamic for them

i love charlie/desmond but my brain trips over it a bit, because as much as possible in The Version Of LOST In My Head, i do try to have it work with canon. like not contradict anything

as such, charlie/des is a lovely thought aesthetically, emotionally, sexually... however i know it could've never happened on island because des would never ever ever cheat on penny

same applies to charlie/des/claire

i think these dynamics absolutely would work and would be lovely but des has utter loyalty to penny. yes, i'm all about that poly shipping but penny isn't There to tell des "yes, fuck the little manc and that aussie girl too, i'm cool with it"

so for charlie/des to work, and i mean Work, it's gotta be a post-island charlie lives au thing. which is great! (one even adds penny in that situation) but i do also like the idea of charlie/des on the island. it's appealing to look at. that and it's enjoyable to add in desmond's season 3 Haunted By Tragic Visions thing

another possibility is for charlie to manage charming des into it... but that seems disrespectful. charlie is pro des/penny. but charlie also is far from perfect. i'm overthinking all of this, as is my way

i do try to keep everything as in character as possible

there is a line of thought i toy with where des could be convinced to think, ya know, penny wouldn't mind if you moved on, des. she's probably moved on. like, des is insecure and severely touch starved, that could work

i'm not one of those "grrr girl is getting in the way of my slash ship!" kinda people, i promise. i'm just rolling thoughts in my fingers here

following this line of thought, des/charlie would have to start off at least a little angsty. two sad people reaching out for each other and pushing bad thoughts away with carnal pleasure

whatever happens, des did Not start this jfskjhfs. no matter what i do with this ship, either taking it Canon Compliant Seriously or just flippant Fucky Sexy Fun Times, charlie is the instigator

anyways putting all that aside, here are some charlie/des thoughts

an idea i love and i wanna see in fanfic is des finding out he's gonna be with charlie, because of a vision. it's kinda funny (that the universe would care) and it could be a way, a weird fucked up way, to get them together despite the issues i mentioned earlier. i think it'd be a good jumping off point for like angst and pining

that thing i've said, "the only way to shut charlie up in bed is to keep his mouth occupied", that started because of charlie/des. i imagined them making out, hands all over each other, and charlie Will Not Shut Up, i imagine he's super talkative in bed. people who care little about charlie have been pissed off by it. and like, des is into charlie but its actually getting annoying. des doesn't tell charlie to shut up but he does lead the situation to charlie blowing him, and my brain narrator supplies the quote, pretty much

catholic4catholic. this is honestly one of my favourite aspects about this dynamic, the fact that they're both Very catholic. not enough to be losers about it, duh, but enough to have some hang ups. especially charlie

height difference. despite it only being a 3 inch difference, the different in face shapes, body types, body languages and attitudes makes it feel like des is like a clear foot bigger than charlie. des could also overpower charlie very easily if he wanted to. in a sexy way, not a violence way. (tho, sexy violence?) charlie would fold like lawn furniture under des. (honestly the size difference thing is also a major reason i started shipping jack/charlie and sawyer/charlie too. sometimes something just fucking looks good)

"des: i've never been with a man before" "charlie, has a pussy: it's alright, i have a feeling you'll know what to do". jokes aside, normally charlie is way more afraid of guys finding out (because of. violence) but he doesn't get that vibe off des, so he's strangely giddy at having a surprise for him?? like, ta-da, Extra Hole. this is a thing i've decided for charlie, where he almost never tells people he's trans before intimacy. pretty much because he's impulsive and thinks with his blood well before his brain. so, obviously, des is surprised. who wouldn't be at least surprised

i was thinking about what their dynamic would be like. basically take what's presented in the show, add sex of course. but also i suppose they'd just be closer, like be affectionate. in little ways, like des putting his hand on the small of charlie's back, charlie fiddling with one of des' shirt buttons, either one of them pushing a stray bit of hair out of the other's faces. liberal use of the pet name "love". and that thing in des/charlie fanfic where charlie calls des "dessie" a lot? love that, absolutely for that. they're not doing full on PDA on the beach because 2004 was a nightmare but there's a noticeable closeness and warmth ("jack, a month late: are they gay...?" "kate: jack, you're gay")

as for social dynamics? let's lookit the characters here and see what'd factor into a relationship. they're both very protective people with an aching desire to Take Care of a loved one. they'd both have varying levels of catholic guilt (yummy). and they're both deeply insecure in a "i'm not good enough for anybody ever". so we got a couple of very loyal boys full of powder kegs of angst waiting to blow up at any moment. on a lighter note, these two would have arguments over who pays for dinner at restaurants. they both grew up poor and this manifests in them not liking to rely on other people. I'll Take Care Of You. No, I'll Take Care Of You (boys, boys please... you have a sugar mama who is rolling her eyes). but yeah they have a decent amount in common while still being very different people, so it's interesting to think about that

des doesn't like charlie's music. he will never like charlie's music. it's best not to discuss it as criticism feels like a stab wound to charlie

charlie: [wearing a plaid miniskirt] how do i look?

des: gorgeous, brutha, but that still isn't a kilt

charlie: [big faux-innocent eyes] it isn't? but im wearing it in the... traditional way

des: wh- [realises what charlie means] [404 error, Desmond Hume.exe is not responding]

charlie: you can check me for authenticity if you like, brutha

yes, boys, make your ancestors scream out in horror

[attonitos-gloria]

What's your favorite tyrion relationship/dynamic?

aaaaah the latest to answer things ever! sorry for this and thank you for the ask!

hah. every single interaction tyrion has is perfect. but i'll nail it down to three, am i allowed?!

Tyrion/Penny. Tyrion/Penny. Tyrion/Penny. Not romantically. Just. Oh my God. Penny trying to kill him when she first meets him and then befriending him and Tyrion projecting all his internalized ableism on her, and trying to make her into a cynical and not making it because she is too sweet....... cannot cope with this relationship. I love grumpy and dark guy/sunshine girl relationships so much? They fit into a trope that has almost been reinvented here; Tyrion is older, he tries to protect her, they are on the road together... they are great foils to each other, and a nice parallel to Jaime/Brienne, too. I'm just very grateful that George gave us Penny. If someone happens to her I don't know what I'll do. I want to grow a full garden for her. Deep in his heart Tyrion wants it too, I just know it.

Tyrion/Cersei/Jaime. The tragedy! The Gender of it all! If you're raised with an angry man in your house, there will be always an angry man in your house! This is by far and large the best sibling dynamics in ASOIAF. I will not be taking questions at this time.

Tyrion/Sansa. And listen. LISTEN. I need to write a disclaimer here and a long essay. This ship is not my OTP in a romantic sense, necessarily. I have a lot of fun writing fluff for them, but that is not even my favorite version of this pairing. It's not the romance that draws me to them; canonically, they don't have romantic feelings for each other, and I think they won't ever have.

It's the marriage that draws me. I think we live in a world where it comes as granted, given and obvious that marriage is a sort of reward that lovers earn for their passion, for falling in love. Nothing wrong with that; I married a person of my choosing, a person I fell in love with. Nothing against courtly romance in ASOIAF, either. But I think, in Westeros, the relationships that touch me, that rip me off from my core, are about a certain kind of loyalty? About a permanence, about things that linger and remain. A stubbornness, if you will.

It's like Elizabeth and Phillip in The Americans - the marriage is bigger than the romance. Marriage in ASOIAF can mean many things. It means power, it means abuse, it means peace and security, it means love for some. And I think, in Sansa's and Tyrion's case, it means mostly abuse; it means War. The marriage is a plan to seize the North. Period. There's no way around it. Everyone knows, including both of them. But I admire the way they have turned it into protection, into a sort of harbor? Tyrion marries Sansa after they are both utterly humiliated before the court and then he spends the rest of their short marriage leaving her alone, because that's what she needs from him. They are so lonely in this marriage. They are an absence in each other's life. It's so painful to read. I think a lot about how Sansa thinks she will never marry for love:

Tyrell or Lannister, it makes no matter, it's not me they want, only my claim. "You are kind, my lord," she said, defeated. "I am a ward of the throne and my duty is to marry as the king commands."

He studied her with his mismatched eyes. 

"I know I am not the sort of husband young girls dream of, Sansa," he said softly, "but neither am I Joffrey."

and Tyrion, one chapter later:

I want her, he realized. I want Winterfell, yes, but I want her as well, child or woman or whatever she is. I want to comfort her. I want to hear her laugh. I want her to come to me willingly, to bring me her joys and her sorrows and her lust. His mouth twisted in a bitter smile. Yes, and I want to be tall as Jaime and as strong as Ser Gregor the Mountain too, for all the bloody good it does.

What is it that they are longing for? Each other? Hardly; they long for a real marriage. Tyrion projects these wishes onto Sansa simply because Sansa is the wife he was given. But they can’t have it with each other. He knows it, and Sansa doesn’t even consider Tyrion might be able to love her. Why would she? She is literally a hostage for Tywin to have a claim on Winterfell. Tyrion himself says that he did not ask to marry her.

Most of Sansa's observations about Tyrion are about how not there he is most of the time. When he is, she is anxious and scared of saying/doing the wrong thing, or afraid because she doesn’t know what is it that he wants from her, since he never consummated the marriage anyway. Most of Tyrion's observation about Sansa are about how much she is not the person he wanted, because Tyrion is, at his core, a wife guy without a wife, and now he has one, and she is 1) a child and 2) a hostage and 3) afraid of him for 193128 reasons. He looks at her searching for Tysha and he doesn’t find her because Sansa is NOT translucent. She is a solid person! Covered in a thick armor of courtesy who refuses to personificate his wishes and fantasies! Tysha was warm and caring, Sansa is coldly lady-like and polite; Tysha wanted him, Sansa jumps out of their marriage bed at the first chance and is disgusted by him; Tysha was in love with him, Sansa is scared of him. 

It's all so pathetic, it's so miserable, and so sad, and overall divorce-coded,  and still:

"A marriage..." Her throat tightened. She did not want to wed again, not now, perhaps not ever. "I do not... I cannot marry. Father, I..." Alayne looked to the door, to make certain it was closed. "I am married," she whispered. "You know."

and then:

Littlefinger smiled. "Widowhood will become you, Sansa."

The thought made her tummy flutter. She might never need to share a bed with Tyrion again. That was what she'd wanted... wasn't it?

and also:

I will tell my aunt that I don't want to marry Robert. Not even the High Septon himself could declare a woman married if she refused to say the vows. She wasn't a beggar, no matter what her aunt said. She was thirteen, a woman flowered and wed, the heir to Winterfell. Sansa felt sorry for her little cousin sometimes, but she could not imagine ever wanting to be his wife. I would sooner be married to Tyrion again. 

and then:

"I never meant… I never kissed a boy before, but … I only thought, what if we drown, and I… I…"

"It was sweet," lied Tyrion, "but I am married. She was with me at the feast, you may remember her. Lady Sansa."

and also this:

"Did Sansa Stark do it, then?" Lord Tyrell demanded.

I would have, if I'd been her. Yet wherever Sansa was and whatever her part in this might have been, she remained his wife. He had wrapped the cloak of his protection about her shoulders, though he'd had to stand on a fool's back to do it. "The gods killed Joffrey. He choked on his pigeon pie."

I am fascinated by this, because, anon: they hate their marriage! They loathe it!!!!! They don't hate each other, they actually care in their own way, but none of them wanted to be there! They just pull the Marriage Card out of their sleeves when there's something worse happening because at least they left each other be, at least there was an implicit accord that this - a sort of island of peace - they could grant each other! It's not good but it's the best they can do and they do it; they are not in love but they are LOYAL to each other. Sansa doesn't want Tyrion to suffer or to die; Tyrion doesn't want Sansa to take the blame for Joff's murder, even though she looks suspicious and even though it might cost him his life. Sansa relies on Tyrion for her protection, she trusts he will not hurt her, she thinks back on him, basically, as the man who tried to protect her, the man who didn’t bed her, didn’t harm her when he could. I think this is the only explanation for the fact she touches him (literally touches him, outside the context of marriage bed: Sansa reaches out to hold his hand, clutches his arm on a whim when she’s upset. Tyrion is a Reliable Person for her, and that is not something that Sansa can say about most people). Tyrion feels sad for her, for her family; he wishes he could soothe it, he can’t feel any joy in the victory of his family because he knows it comes at the expenses of his wife. They do care! They are alone but they are alone together; there’s trust and kindness there. And this kindness serves nothing, absolutely nothing, it doesn’t fix anything, it doesn’t change their situation, it doesn’t help them to communicate to each other, it doesn’t make them talk. It’s not a bridge, it’s not a way for Tyrion to try to win her heart or her attention; this kindness is pointless and meaningless and this is why it breaks my heart.

There’s something about being kind with no expectation of reward or results that just makes me go absolutely feral. And there’s something about married people holding onto their wedding vows, miles away, that makes me just *bites fist* 

my God. I love them very much. I think they are each other's keepers in a very layered, interesting way and the way George wrote them, honestly? I think they contain multitudes. They could be friends, siblings, family. They could be allies, partners, each other’s advisors. They could be enemies. They could be lovers. They most definitely could be either bitterly divorced or bitterly married. *shrugs* and this is nice because whatever comes in the next books, I’ll be fine. They don’t need to be happy with children! I just need to read them in Situations, you know?

(Sorry this got long <3 this is what happens when people drop Tyrion asks in my inbox!!!!)

[gainaxvel3o]

Volume 9 was great! Right up until the last two episodes, where they rush some stuff through, but it’s still pretty good.

I love this take on Alice in Wonderland and its exploration of stories. The Ever After is an assortment of bright colors and unnatural environments, which gives it an inherently surreal vibe that I like. Its citizens are one note to serve the “story” of the Ever After is both an example of how otherworldy the place is and an interesting exploration of a supporting cast in the story. They get tired of their roles as any person, and they use Ascendance to transform into whatever their desires wish them to be for good and for ill. We get a glimpse of this with the Red Prince, where the Red King was so distraught with his loss to Alyx he became someone who’d do anything to win the game, and it really comes full force with the Curious Cat’s curiousity eventually revealing him as the villain trying to break the characters in order to escape the Ever After to find new things to do.

It’s a much lighter Volume at the start, which was good. We got entertaining and funny moments with the cast interacting in this bizarre environment they’ve found themselves in, and some positive developments on the side. Blake and Yang finally get together, and its incredibly wholesome to see them as a couple. We got some hints of them in Volume 7, but they’re very lovely sweet now that they’re official, being supposrtive and cracking jokes at each other. it serves a nice contrast to the darkness that reaches the final few episodes, 

Ruby and Jaune go through a parallel arc that drives them new dimensions. Ruby, a character who’s had to push aside her pain the whole way through to this point, finally breaks apart for real the weight of her massive feelings of failure. Being surrounded by constant reminders of her failures, such as Penny’s sword, or jabs made by Jinxy or Neo’s illusions, she furiously lashes out n a moment that felt a long time coming, her bitterness driving her further to the edge of despair, When it seemed lost, Ruby learns a lesson in self-care, realizing even though she feels like a failure, that doesn’t mean she is worthless. In a moment striking in its beautiful simplicity, Ruby realizes she is enough, for herself and her friends, and comes out with a new version of Red like Roses that I NEED TO HEAR YESTERDAY. Jaune arrived earlier than the others as the Rusted Knight, “protecting” the Paper pleasers in an effort to stay sane, but not taking the time to understand their perspective due to his own traumas. Similar to Ruby, he tries to compensate for failure by acting as a hero, but the way that manifested was in prioritizing his own wants over others needs, which he learns a lesson in valuing. His return to who he actually was upon leaving the Ever After felt perfect in that light, ditching the weight he placed upon himself to be more at peace, much like Ruby had learned to do. 

There is a lot to sink your teeth into, in terms of analysis and character development. It makes the last two episodes feel strange in retrospect. My understanding is that two episodes were cut from the Volume, and it feels that way once we reached the finale. The fights were still incredible, but story elements feel rushed. Neo in particular feels extremely underdeveloped. Her backstory is briefly and barely hinted at, but as at least two commenters pointed out to me I didn’t understand what actually happened due to not reading the Roman Holiday novel. All well and good, except the show should be able to stand on its own, and it didn’t do that properly. Neo commits some heinous acts in this Volume, but I feel like that is kind of glossed over due to a rush to get to the next plot point. The lack of real anger or acknowledgement from the heroes about what she did bothered me, I won’t lie. The reveal behind Alyx was good and tied with the themes, but could have been fleshed out more in retrospect. The final fight I wish was longer as well. 

Overall a solid Volume, and one of my favorites. The ending where Vacuo’s forces arrived is a great note to end on, the promise of hope after the characters struggled through the volume with their feelings of failure and change. I wish it had more episodes to flesh out its ideas more, but I’d say it did a good job regardless.

[lenbryant]

It's the last Sondheim...

‘Here We Are’ Review: The Last Sondheim, Cool and Impossibly Chic

This inventive, beguiling and not quite fully solved puzzle of a show is a worthy and loving farewell to the great musical dramatist.

Stephen Sondheim had a genius for genre. Some of his best works were adapted from very niche sources like penny dreadfuls (“Sweeney Todd”), epistolary novels (“Passion”) and Roman comedies (“A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum”). Leaning hard into their specific styles, he mined their expressive potential in songs that could hardly be improved and never sounded alike.

Still, for him and for others, surrealism was often a genre too far. Musical theater is surreal enough already. (Why did that taciturn man suddenly start singing? Who are those dancing women in lingerie?) Building a show on a willfully irrational source risks doubling down on the weirdness, leading to “Huh?” results like Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Cats” and Sondheim’s own “Anyone Can Whistle.”

So as we waited what seemed like decades for what would turn out to be his last musical, never quite knowing if he’d ditched it or not, the dribbles of information he and his collaborators let drop suggested that the new show — eventually titled “Here We Are” — might be misbegotten.

Not only are the two Luis Buñuel films that Sondheim and the playwright David Ives took as their inspiration maximally surrealist, they are also surreal in different, seemingly incompatible ways. “The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie” (1972) is a sunny romp about a group of friends who, seeking a meal, are mysteriously unable to find one. “The Exterminating Angel” (1962) is a much darker affair, about a dinner party no one can leave. Both movies ridicule aristocrats who are underfed yet over-sated: people for whom nothing is ever enough. But one is like the silky tartness of a lemon meringue pie and the other like chicken bones stuck in your throat.

The first act, about an hour long and with perhaps seven numbers — though it’s hard to count because they weave in and out of the dialogue — introduces us to Ives’s American versions of Buñuel’s French gourmands from “The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie.” Leo Brink (Bobby Cannavale) is a crass tycoon and Marianne Brink (Rachel Bay Jones) a society decorator; their Saturday morning is interrupted when four of their circle arrive at the couple’s hyper-sleek apartment, insisting they’ve been invited for brunch.

The interlopers include Paul Zimmer (Jeremy Shamos), a plastic surgeon celebrating his 1,000th nose job, and his wife, Claudia Bursik-Zimmer (Amber Gray), an agent, she brays, for “a major entertainment entity.” Along with them are Raffael Santello Di Santicci (Steven Pasquale), the horndog ambassador from a Mediterranean country called Moranda, and Fritz (Micaela Diamond), Marianne’s sour younger sister, a revolutionary with champagne tastes.

Ives quickly and amusingly delineates the six with specific and almost universally obnoxious traits. Raffael, who butchers his English, and Claudia, quick to pull rank, have a weekly assignation behind Paul’s back; Paul and Leo run a drug cartel with Raffael’s ambassadorial assistance. Fritz is a pill. As they go on the road in search of a meal, accompanied by a Sondheim vamp that starts out marvelously jaunty and ends like water swirling down a drain, each reveals worse and worse traits, except for Marianne, who is too dim to be venal. When she asks her husband to “buy this perfect day” for her, it seems less acquisitive than sentimental.

The changes of scenery as they visit various establishments featuring outré waiters (Tracie Bennett and Denis O’Hare) in ever more ludicrous wigs (by Robert Pickens and Katie Gell) are accomplished with swift grace on David Zinn’s shiny white box of a set, as neon marquees descend from the flies and then descend further to form tables or banquettes. (Zinn’s costumes are also telegraphic, including Leo’s velour sweatsuit and Claudia’s sky-high purple Fendis.) The theme-and-variations format is enchanting, allowing Sondheim, the great puzzler, to treat songs almost as anagrams. Eventually, along with three other characters they pick up — a colonel (Francois Battiste), a soldier (Jin Ha) and a bishop (David Hyde Pierce) — the crew lands, by now starving, at Raffael’s embassy, where they dine as Act I ends.

Here the musical hinges into “The Exterminating Angel,” only instead of a completely different set of characters (Buñuel’s were presumptively Spanish, living under Franco), Ives, in a neat piece of joinery, continues with Leo and Marianne and the others. It is they who find it impossible to leave after dinner, and wind up, in Act II, sleeping, bickering and eventually fighting over food scraps as their metaphysical entrapment persists for days. Ives also complicates Buñuel’s antifascist, anti-bourgeois glee, in which plutocrats are exposed as pigs, by implicating the revolution as well; Fritz turns out to be less of a threat to her own way of life than she intended.

Had Sondheim written more songs for Act II — there are just a few, bunched at the beginning — that problem might have been eased. In any case, Mantello and Ives decided to reframe the dearth as an opportunity. Before his death, Sondheim apparently agreed with them that the lack of songs in fact made structural sense: Once trapped in a repeating nightmare of deprivation, these characters would have no reason to sing. But then why retain the ones he’d already written?

Perhaps because the songs he did write are everything you could want them to be. There are fewer trick rhymes than usual, but laugh-out-loud jokes nonetheless. A rhapsodic love song for the soldier and a paean to superficiality for Marianne — “I want things to gleam./To be what they seem/And not what they are” — have the familiar Sondheimian depth and luster to crystallize complex insights.

Though we sorely miss that in Act II, and especially at the attempted triple lutz of an ending (which is probably two lutzes too many), Ives, the author of “Venus in Fur” and innumerable clever comedies, has done much to compensate. Some of his dialogue scenes — including a riveting colloquy between the questing Marianne and the questioning bishop — have the shape, rhythm and sorrowful wit of a Sondheim song. (Jones and Pierce are standouts in the excellent cast.) Also lovingly filling in blanks are the musical supervisor, Alexander Gemignani, and Sondheim’s longtime orchestrator, Jonathan Tunick, who have arranged themes from the earlier part of the show as instrumental interludes to take up the slack in the later part.

You can understand their care. Pending the discovery of some unpublished juvenilia or yet another iteration of the penultimate “Road Show,” this is the last Sondheim musical we will ever have. That alone makes the production historic, a pressure that happily does not show in the product, which is fleet and flashy. Natasha Katz’s lighting, Tom Gibbons’s sound and Sam Pinkleton’s droll choreography do a lot of the heavy lifting for Mantello’s agenda.

More important, “Here We Are” is as experimental as Sondheim throughout his career wanted everything to be. To swim through its currents of echoes of earlier work — some “Anyone Can Whistle,” some “Passion,” some “Merrily We Roll Along” — is to understand the characters’ monstrous insatiability. We, too, will always want more, even when we’ve had what by any reasonable standards should already be more than enough.

Here We Are Through Jan. 21 at the Shed, Manhattan; theshed.org. Running time: 2 hours and 20 minutes.

Jesse Green is the chief theater critic for The Times. His latest book is “Shy,” with and about the composer Mary Rodgers. He is also the author of a novel, “O Beautiful,” and a memoir, “The Velveteen Father.” More about Jesse Green

[adultswim2021]

Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! #30: “Brownies” | September 29, 2008 - 12:30AM | S03E10

The great thing about Awesome Show is that it’s inconsistent in the way it approaches the host segments. Tim & Eric usually introduce the show as themselves, but not always. There’s usually a gimmick, but sometimes not a strong one. But a lot of times, it’s this: They are dressed like dorks in front of something resembling a J.C. Pennys photo studio shoot. They’ve done a handful of episodes like this, and they vary only slightly. I characterize it as burn-out, or just the fact that you can only do a certain number of truly distinct set-ups.

I think so little of this that I found it a little jarring when this episode’s host segment, which seems rather thin and dashed-off to me, featured bloopers where the cast and crew are beside themselves with insane laughter before shooting it. The premise is Tim’s mom sends Tim a box of brownies, and they are so tasty that he and Eric just start going hog on them. That’s basically it. It's fine, but not great.

The first sketch of note is Linsey Porch singing “I Can Wait”, which is a bouncy sounding song about being a creepy stalker. The “Come Over” woman, Jennifer Mims, is the object of Linsey’s creepy affection. The song defensively says what he’s doing isn’t “rape”, and the end of the song features a bit of a reversal where Mims gives a big Lynchian smile to indicate that she’s into it, suggesting maybe that this is actually a bit of kinky role-playng. Tim & Eric watched this as part of their Valentines watchalong and kept calling this one “so fucked”. It has its charms, but it almost feels like an imitation Tim & Eric sketch to me. 

There’s a reprise of the Business Hugs sketch, and it’s just alright; seems kinda like leftovers though. Wise shares with us his personal cell-phone number so he can help you out personally, which is nice of him. The scene transition is the best part, where a little Ray Wise bounces onto Eric’s bed. The editing is maybe the best part of this whole episode. 

The next scene is Tim & Eric in bed, in their respective homes. Eric calls Tim so they can indulge in their nightly ritual of saying a friendship prayer before dozing off. They are both still chowing on brownies. This scene is good. They both doze off and wind up sharing the same dream, they are both climbing a mountain made of brownie, that they start eating and tripping out on. I like this okay, but I don’t find it that funny. The little Doug edits are cool. They are clearly going for something a little more purely for-stoners here, I think. I also like Tim’s tiny sunglasses he’s wearing in bed (which Eric wears in the dream, for some reason). 

The next sketch is the very Memorable Gettin’ It Dunn: a public-access style talk show starring Richard Dunn with his guest Tanese Gray. He plays a word association game with her, using the words “pizza” and “plibt”. He eventually outros out of this segment by hitting play on his tape deck and having reggae music play, which he says is his favorite. I love this bit. It's too bad that it's so short, and that they didn't produce a full-length version of this and make it available as an extra on the DVD.

The next sketch is “The Facts Machine”, which is a Fax Machine that just prints out facts. This one’s okay, but they made the choice to speed it up and I think they did that to “save” the sketch. There are funny jokes in this, but they whiz right by. Bob, who’s been used pretty sparingly in this season, does the voice-over for it. I forgot about this sketch entirely, so I guess it qualifies as “forgettable”. But I like it.

Steve Brule returns! Here he advises you to get your stomach doubled with a synthetic stomach/esophagus combo that lets you eat unhealthy junk without digesting it. This is a gross idea, but it has some funny bits. I laughed at the line “I love to eat bad foods for me”. Just perfect dumb-guy phrasing. 

The final scene of the season: Tim & Eric have eaten the brownie mountain and can’t wake from their dream. As they scream in anguish, we get a trippy sequence featuring different characters from the season, superimposed over floating brownies. It’s set to a song sung by Frank Black of the Pixies, a detail I forgot about. It’s sorta cool, and it seems like they’re making a conscious decision to free themselves of the custom of doing cliff-hangers at the end of each season. Good call. But this feels very clip-showy, because it more-or-less is.

There are a few deleted scenes from this season whose intended placement isn’t clear, so I’ll touch on them here. First there was Kazual Swordin’ with Kaz, the Asian fella that Tim always tries to kiss on the lips. He plants one on him good, eventually, so look out for that. This series of sketches is about Kaz teaching you how to use swords to do things swords don’t normally do, like pick up trash or open a locked door. These are funny, but I can kinda see why they were cut. Some of this footage does get used in a season four episode!

Another deleted sketch features Tim as a whispery singer-songwriter who sings a song with a single line about nobody loving him. It’s well-done, but slight and not laugh-out-loud funny. There’s also a sketch that’s a commercial for a browntooth (which is like bluetooth) "friend". The premise is that bluetooth headsets make you look crazy while you're having a conversation using one, so this service offers you an actual man who will pretend to be having a conversation with you to cover it up. The spokesmodel is a maladroit woman that they attached a cartoon mechanical spider thorax to. Her name is “Daniel_”. There’s some amusing touches, but the premise is sorta lame and I’m glad they cut it.

I can definitively call season three the worst season so far, and it might be the worst season ever. But I remember season four being a little better, and I honestly can’t remember season five that well. I still think the show is great, it’s just spottier than it’s ever been. But usually there’s at least one inspired bit per episode. But, you usually say that about shows like SNL, don’t you? If it’s a numbers game, Tim & Eric has the edge; 11 minutes to find the funny vs. 90 is a much better batting average. 

EPHEMERA CORNER: 

Gettin’ it Dunn (full length version).

There is actually a full-length eleven-and-a-half minute version of this; originally intended to air as a full episode of Awesome Show. I don’t remember where Tim & Eric said this, but I remember them giving an interview or something and saying they didn’t want to “sacrifice” a regular episode of Awesome Show for it. That’s too bad. I could name at least one episode I would have happily sacrificed for this. I remember thinking at the time that it was a shame that they had a definition in mind for what a “regular” Awesome Show was, but I guess I get it now. 

I watched the whole thing in preparation for this write-up, and it would’ve been a season highlight if it actually had aired as-is. Dunn tries to be sweet with Tanese, and it’s clear that he’s seriously been pursuing her as his girlfriend, and mentions that they first met ten years ago. She sorta humors him. At one point the lower-third under her name changes from “Richard’s Girlfriend” to “Richard’s Friend” at one point when the conversation gets a little more explicit about their dynamic.

There’s one moment in particular I think about often: she teases Richard for wearing little shorts all the time, and says “you like to swim in your little shorts”. Dunn replies “I don’t like to swim in water” “What do you like to swim in?” “Use your imagination, dear”. I assume he means pussy, but it barely makes sense, and it’s so funny how cutesy he’s being. 

MAIL BAG

*professor chaos's sidekick from South Park pointing at the titties on the robot chicken dvd* Bob & David did it, Bob & David did it!

I’ll never forget David Cross being mean in the commentary about the topless woman they got for Mr. Show, who calls her nipples a “bummer” and regrets not asking to see them in the audition process. I hope his wife Amber Heard made him apologize for that one.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Lowered Expectations

If you know me, you know I shill hard for all things Star Wars. This blog is riddled with so much Star Wars content, it’s absurd. While I consider myself a fan of the greater universe, I’d be lying if I said my adoration didn’t start with Darth Vader. For me, he was this ominous, overpowering, force of nature who just embarrassed anyone willing, or dumb enough, to stand in his way. Then the prequels happened and we were introduced to Anakin Skywalker; A Vader before Vader. Those films sucked, with the exception of the last hour or so of the third, but it gave me a version of Vader i didn't think I'd ever see and i wanted so much more. Thankfully, Clone Wars redeemed those films and introduced my second favorite character in the entire series, Ahsoka Tano. Like most fans, I hated this kid so much in the beginning but, as the show progressed, Ahsoka became, arguably, the most developed character in the entire franchise and number two on my list. It helped tremendously that number one was her Master and their dynamic was pure, serotonin inducing, joy. And then things went bad. Anakin was Destroyed. Vader was created. Ahsoka was lost. That sh*t hurt. I never lost hope in seeing Snips again and Filoni rewarded my faith with her appearance in Rebels, and then again in Mando. The second they announce Ms. Tano was going to get her own series, i was all over it. Well, Ahsoka has finally dropped and I am decidedly meh about it.

After three episodes, I find myself at an impasse. It’s more confliction than anything. I was never a huge fan of Rebels but I didn't outright hate the show like a lot of the fandom. There were aspects i enjoyed, Ezra was not one of them, but Sabine Wren, is. Officially adding her to the Disaster Lineage by making her Ahsoka’s Padawan is everything to my Imperial heart. It makes so much sense that it would be Sabine, basically a Mando version of Ahsoka, herself, who would end up being Ahsoka's first student. Witnessing Snips make the same faces as Skyguy when her own Padawan does the same reckless sh*t she did when she was a Padawan, is just perfect. So why don’t i like this show more? I mean, if we’re being perfectly honest, this thing is tailor-made for me. The titular characters is basically my second favorite of the entire franchise, continuing her exceptional development in what has turned out to be the most gorgeous of the Star Wars serials. It focuses on Jedi and the force, aspects that always draw me in. There’s promise of an Anakin sighting in an interaction with an adult Snips, which I have wanted since Rosario first popped up on screen in that orange body paint. And, most important, this sh*t is a straight up adaption of Heir to the Empire. Obviously, it's going the way of “inspired by” but still, we're talking Thrawn and maybe Mara Jade. I Should absolutely adore this show so why am i so goddamn lukewarm?

I don't have an answer and that bugs the f*ck out of me. It's not Star Wars fatigue because there's no way i would get tired of sci-fi wizard having telekinetic laser sword fights ins space. That sentence just kills. It's not the performances because, even though everyone says they're wooden, they didn't seem that way to me. They seemed aloof and stoic; The way all those powerful in the force act. I already mentioned how gorgeous the show looks, you see every penny on screen, and even the practical sh*t looks really great. I mean, look at Hera's leku. They blend that obvious headpiece perfectly on to MEW's head. Speaking of, Mary Elizabeth Winstead is just another stroke of inspired casting after Rosario's Ahsoka, Natasha Liu Bordizzo's Sabine, and Lars Mikkelsen's Thrawn. I've heard grumblings that this has too much “GUUURL power” but I've never subscribed to that. The Force has always been Female and cats just need to get over that sh*t. I mean, Abeloth, the most powerful force entity in the entity of Legends, presents female so, you know, there's that. The pacing didn't bother me either but I'm a fan and enjoy the exposition and easter eggs. Again, tailor-made for me. This sh*t should have been an easy win for someone like me and it's not. Like, it's not a bad show and I am enjoying it, but this thing is definitely missing something and I cannot, for the life of me, put my finger on it.

[smokeybrand]

Lowered Expectations

If you know me, you know I shill hard for all things Star Wars. This blog is riddled with so much Star Wars content, it’s absurd. While I consider myself a fan of the greater universe, I’d be lying if I said my adoration didn’t start with Darth Vader. For me, he was this ominous, overpowering, force of nature who just embarrassed anyone willing, or dumb enough, to stand in his way. Then the prequels happened and we were introduced to Anakin Skywalker; A Vader before Vader. Those films sucked, with the exception of the last hour or so of the third, but it gave me a version of Vader i didn't think I'd ever see and i wanted so much more. Thankfully, Clone Wars redeemed those films and introduced my second favorite character in the entire series, Ahsoka Tano. Like most fans, I hated this kid so much in the beginning but, as the show progressed, Ahsoka became, arguably, the most developed character in the entire franchise and number two on my list. It helped tremendously that number one was her Master and their dynamic was pure, serotonin inducing, joy. And then things went bad. Anakin was Destroyed. Vader was created. Ahsoka was lost. That sh*t hurt. I never lost hope in seeing Snips again and Filoni rewarded my faith with her appearance in Rebels, and then again in Mando. The second they announce Ms. Tano was going to get her own series, i was all over it. Well, Ahsoka has finally dropped and I am decidedly meh about it.

After three episodes, I find myself at an impasse. It’s more confliction than anything. I was never a huge fan of Rebels but I didn't outright hate the show like a lot of the fandom. There were aspects i enjoyed, Ezra was not one of them, but Sabine Wren, is. Officially adding her to the Disaster Lineage by making her Ahsoka’s Padawan is everything to my Imperial heart. It makes so much sense that it would be Sabine, basically a Mando version of Ahsoka, herself, who would end up being Ahsoka's first student. Witnessing Snips make the same faces as Skyguy when her own Padawan does the same reckless sh*t she did when she was a Padawan, is just perfect. So why don’t i like this show more? I mean, if we’re being perfectly honest, this thing is tailor-made for me. The titular characters is basically my second favorite of the entire franchise, continuing her exceptional development in what has turned out to be the most gorgeous of the Star Wars serials. It focuses on Jedi and the force, aspects that always draw me in. There’s promise of an Anakin sighting in an interaction with an adult Snips, which I have wanted since Rosario first popped up on screen in that orange body paint. And, most important, this sh*t is a straight up adaption of Heir to the Empire. Obviously, it's going the way of “inspired by” but still, we're talking Thrawn and maybe Mara Jade. I Should absolutely adore this show so why am i so goddamn lukewarm?

I don't have an answer and that bugs the f*ck out of me. It's not Star Wars fatigue because there's no way i would get tired of sci-fi wizard having telekinetic laser sword fights ins space. That sentence just kills. It's not the performances because, even though everyone says they're wooden, they didn't seem that way to me. They seemed aloof and stoic; The way all those powerful in the force act. I already mentioned how gorgeous the show looks, you see every penny on screen, and even the practical sh*t looks really great. I mean, look at Hera's leku. They blend that obvious headpiece perfectly on to MEW's head. Speaking of, Mary Elizabeth Winstead is just another stroke of inspired casting after Rosario's Ahsoka, Natasha Liu Bordizzo's Sabine, and Lars Mikkelsen's Thrawn. I've heard grumblings that this has too much “GUUURL power” but I've never subscribed to that. The Force has always been Female and cats just need to get over that sh*t. I mean, Abeloth, the most powerful force entity in the entity of Legends, presents female so, you know, there's that. The pacing didn't bother me either but I'm a fan and enjoy the exposition and easter eggs. Again, tailor-made for me. This sh*t should have been an easy win for someone like me and it's not. Like, it's not a bad show and I am enjoying it, but this thing is definitely missing something and I cannot, for the life of me, put my finger on it.

[effygiraffetalks]

Agreement with DK Records Has Been Made | 'Effy Giraffe: The Hits Collection' Releasing Next Week

Effy Giraffe: The Hits Collection hit quite a road bump when I wanted to include Effy Productions distributed song I'm Alive on my upcoming hits compilation.

The release was suppose to hit streaming sites a month ago, but a disagreement with my current label shelved the release until now.

The album is set to release next week, but why the sudden change of heart you might be asking? As you know, I make every penny off of I'm Alive streams, they felt they were entitled to a cut. Seeing as the single hit nearly 30,000 streams on Spotify alone I wasn't willing to sign the song rights over to my label, losing any future profit of the track.

So there was only two solutions, cut the song or scrap the entire compilation. Instead, a third option arose. DK Records partnered with Amazon and Deezer to drop the album exclusively a week early and within that week DK Records will take 100% royalties.

After that week they'll be making 100% royalties from every other song EXCEPT for I'm Alive.

Overall, I'm very excited for the release. We remastered all of the songs, and even included a solo mix of One Night Stand (due to the drama with my former collaborator). It's a nice call back to my career as a whole.

Many have responded stating none of the songs are hits, but I disagree and I want to break down why I selected each.

01. Broke My Heart

2018 was a hard year for me. I broke up with someone who was very abusive. I had already retired by this time and used music as therapy to try and get over the break up. It was such a tough time, and stats proved the song did pretty well. It was the first pop song I pushed out in 2 years, so a lot of fans ate it up.

I also think lyrically and electronically it was just such a great song. One I was very proud of, so including it felt like a MUST. Plus, it was never featured on an album before.. so I wanted to give it the spotlight it truly deserves!

02. I'm Alive

While including this song halted the albums release, it was a must for me. With nearly 30,000 streams on Spotify alone, in my book THAT'S A HIT. This compilation is promoting my return mainly, so including a single that'll end up being on one of my two upcoming albums is major.

03. Whips & Chains (Nail Me Right)

To say this song isn't a hit is such a darn lie. I released this gem around EASTER as a single from my farewell release Out of this World. SO MANY PEOPLE criticized the song, but that only brought on more revenue. It was a hit for all the wrong reasons, but I LOVED IT. A little controversy goes a long way, and let's be honest. The production and lyrics are just perfect. Out of this World featured some of my best work and this song is proof of that.

04. My Hearts on Fire

This song was a major hit for me over a decade ago. It was first featured on my album Kick Ass Love. It was the albums debut single, and so many loved it. So much so we re-released it on quite a few following albums (Candy Girl).

05. I Am Naughty

Speaking of Kick Ass Love, the albums second single I Am Naughty was yet another proven hit. The song was another one to me thrown on two albums (it made an appearance on Explicit). It was such a fan favorite, so much so I even have a version that featured Nicki Minaj. She, however, did not want me to release the song. It did leak and is around the internet if anyone does happen to want to give that a listen. I can't point you in the right direction for legal reasons, but it was a fun collaboration.

06. Night Time Hooker

Calling this a hit might be an exaggeration, but I believe the song deserves justice! It certainly turned some heads back in the day, but sure. It didn't blow up. Nows a good enough time as any?

07. Vixen

Vixen is another song that had many lives. It appeared on my EP Bad Girl and Candy Girl. It was pretty well received and was pretty different than most of my releases at the time. Sure it had sexual elements, but it had a production value I wasn't doing much of at the time. I remember it actually released as an Amazon MP3 Exclusive along with a song called On The Radio (which is now unreleased). Vixen had a really fun pop rock vibe. Such a hit !

08. Go All The Way

Go All The Way was the very first song of mine that gained a lot of attention. To this day I'd say it was a very very popular song, especially on YouTube. It was simple, fun, very 2010s. No further explanation needed! Total bop!

09. One Night Stand (Solo Version)

Cigarettes & Sex's lead single One Night Stand was a total hit when it released. It featured my ex, and it was really important to me to still include this song for a couple of reasons.

First, it wasn't actually included on The Greatest: The Complete Hits Collection. Which confused a lot of people. It was only ever included in a promo EP for The Greatest, but not the official complete collection. So putting it on a greatest hits album was a MUST!

Second, I wanted to put a version out without him. So we cut him out entirely from this version. And let me just say, it's WAY BETTER!!

10. I Slept With A Priest

This one released more than once. The first one was released on Candy Girl and did pretty well. It was a jaw dropping bop. One year later I decided to re-record the track for Cigarettes & Sex -- which is the version I included on this compilation.

11. Legendary

Finally, I wanted to close the album proving I am one bad ass bitch! And there's no other song proving that than Legendary. The song was never featured on an album, it was a surprise release promoting my unreleased reality series. So it only felt right giving it a spot on an actual album. Plus, it did pretty well. May people suggested I should have took a deeper dive into hip hop (but we saw how EFFY worked out, so I will continue to bow away from that genre)

Overall, I'm excited to have yet another collection of hits all in one album to promote my return.

Stream now:

Amazon First Edition: https://www.amazon.com/music/player/albums/B0C4V3TZ9F

Deezer First Edition:

https://www.deezer.com/en/album/439876607

Everywhere else:

Next Week!

[button-mash]

What I played last week #11

Outrun 2006: Coast 2 Coast [Playstation 2]

I realised when playing this that I actually used to fucking love Arcade racing games - I'm not into cars at all, so once racers started to pivot towards more of a simulation style and car porn, I completely lost interest - If I can't powerslide for a 1000m hairpin, instantly change directions on a penny and do the same again the other way all whilst losing zero speed, I really don't wanna know. I actually think this might be my favourite ever racing game - there's loads to do, the different stages have shitloads of personality and detail, and above all it's just a really fun game that perfectly straddles that line between being really accessible and easy to pick up, but still ridiculously satisfying when you're hitting some perfect corner.

I just want every racing game to be Outrun 2006 - I strictly need any racing game I play to allow 280mph powerslides in a Ferrari as love hearts are flying out of some broad in the passenger seat because she’s utterly delighted that you’re avoiding UFO traction beams as you power-slide around London and inexplicably end up in San Francisco If your game doesn't have that, then I am simply NOT interested

Super Mario Land [Game Boy]

I think this was actually the first game I can ever remember completing in my storied gaming career. Not much to say on this really, it almost feels like some ripoff Mario flash game or something, where it has this 'almost but not quite' quality to it - the movement, the enemies, the levels, it all feels like this slightly off-brand version of regular Mario... like some Mario game where they only got partial rights to it or something.

Obviously they were doing their best with what they had, and I actually think they succeed in a lot of ways, but it's just ultimately not that great a game when you strip a away all the nostalgia. One thing I do love is the music in this game - it has some great themes that you never hear again in the Mario pantheon, and I surprised myself how much I remembered the music and how much nostalgia I had for it  - all except this one, which I'd apparently completely blocked from my memory

even at the time I deep down knew it proper wasn't on

It's actually a proper short game, there are only 4 worlds and each world only has 3 levels. It does try and change things up but most of the challenge comes from how stiff the controls are, which is so at odds with almost every other Mario game. Final thing was how fun it was playing on the Steam Deck - mentioned in another thread, but some of the filters out there now are insanely convincing and completely change up the look  - with this filter it's probably as close as you can get to f eeling like you're playing on a real Game Bo

Great nostalgia hit for this lad playing the same game in this photo though :*)

I also went away with some mates for a weekend break where I snuck in a bit of gaming TMNT: Shredder's Revenge [Nintendo Switch]

I completed this last year and thought it was fantastic - a brilliant love letter to both the cartoons, the Arcade and console games of past and also just the 90s in general. The first time I played it through mostly solo, although this time it was a change to play it with 6 players. It was lot of fun, but the game often devolves into such on-screen lunacy that it becomes almost impossible to see what is going on sometimes. Also, for all the personality and individual touches in the game, it felt like the special attacks feel very samey and unimaginative next to everything else. Still, this was great fun and we were all having an awesome time until we ran into a reoccuring bug that meant we couldn't progress beyond a certain boss. A shame, because i think we might have sat there and finished the whole thing in one go otherwise

Super Smash Bros Ultimate [Nintendo Switch]

I've always really liked the idea of Smash Bros, but never really had much experience playing them. I remember when I lived in my beloved NJ, I'd visit my mates at Rutgers College where they were all absolute savants at Smash Bros 64 - that was my first experience of the game and they were all just SO good at it that it was just impossible to learn. I dabbled in a few of the other games here and there, but never really had a chance to experience it properly. We got some 4 player matches going here, but like with most fighting games, they tend to get boring quite quickly if there is a gulf in ability. I guess that's true for any game really, but it feels particularly true with fighting games

Anyway, it made me realise that for all it's simplicity with it's pick up and play controls, it's actually a fairly complicated game that doesn't really lend itself to new players just picking it up and giving it a go, as there is quite a lot to get to grips with - even the sheer number of characters is overwhelming, let alone trying to explain what is happening on screen. In retrospect I should have picked a stage you couldn't fall off-of and turned off items and let people just get to grips with things, but people quickly got bored of it anyway. One of those series I kinda admire from afar but feel like I've never really had the true 'Smash' experience

Celeste [Nintendo Switch]

A bunch of my mates went for a hike and I didn't fancy it so I ended up playing this for a bit. I completed it on PC when it first came out and absolutely loved it and had been meaning to replay it for ages. Was having a lot of fun with it before my mates returned, so will have to go back to this one at some point

Cruis'n Blast [Nintendo Switch]

This game is super dumb and super fun - a racing game where you basically can't crash and can race a muscle car against a Triceratops and an Attack Chopper gets infinite thumbs up in my book. It's a great game to pick up and play because it requires almost zero skill and every race is basically designed to come down to the last 1000 meters and who can time their final nitrous boost the best. Really fun but the performance gets kinda tanky on 4 player split screen and it's hard to see what the fuck is going on, so we only had a couple of games of this one

Switch Sports Bowling [Nintendo Switch]

Easily got the most play of the weekend. This is that perfect game where you feel like you all kinda want some sort of vague activity to do, but it requires very little attention so you can kinda just sit around and chat shit but still feel like you're playing something - almost exactly like real bowling in that regard. This is great fun, but there is something about it that feels like it isn't as fun as the original Wii Bowling, although I couldn't tell you what. Switch Sports in general feels so sterile compared to Wii Sports, but I guess the whole point is they're just trying to recreate it, so it's always gonna feel a little hollow. Still, it's great fun and easily got played more than basically every other game combined

Mario Golf: Super Rush [Nintendo Switch]

We gave this a go on a whim and it was actually pretty fun, although I probably shouldn't be surprised as golf games inexplicably often seem to make very fun videogames despite being a horrendously boring game in real life. This was fun, but it becomes quite time consuming when a bunch of you are playing. I wish I had more Joycons instead of relying on Gamecube controllers, because I would have loved to have tried out the mode where you all play at once, as I bet it's bonkers and potentially very fun. This was one of a few Switch experiences this weekend that made me think maybe I'll get some more Joycons for the occasional moments like these when you have a fairly large group

Trivial Pursuit [Nintendo Switch]

This is actually a massive guilty pleasure of mine and a few other mates - it scratches the same 'kinda want a vague activity to focus on, but nothing too intensive' itch Bowling does. Unfortunately proved to be a bit difficult to play with Gamecube controllers since it was hard to quickly figure out which answer you were selecting in some rounds. Another nudge towards getting new Joycons

Undisputed [Steam Deck]

I played a bunch of this again to see how it was getting on with patches and to see if it actually ran on Steam Deck. It ran like absolute shit and the recent patches seem to have sent the gameplay backwards, so not the most exciting experience

F-Zero GX [Nintendo Gamecube]

This game is honestly so amazing, it's one of those games where you go back and play it and can't believe it still looks and plays as good as it does. The level of detail in the individual tracks is absolutely astonishing, and the sense of speed is incredible. It's hardly some hot take, but I've never understood why Nintendo has never gone back to the F-Zero well, it's an amazing series

James Bond: 007 Nightfire [Nintendo Gamecube]

I have no idea why I played this - I don't give a shit about James Bond, I have no nostalgia for this game...I think I just put it on out of pure curiosity. I actually thought it was an alright game, but the controls were hard to get to grips with. Honestly couldn't tell you why I even started playing this

Christ, that was a shitload of games

[nightmaremp]

Weremayhem: Song of Beasts. Ch 14: Demo and Picture of Hope

 Moog was watching some of the old episodes of the Muppet Show that had the Electric Mayhem playing their music. Zoot was asleep next to him on the couch. Nora comes in with a pissed off look on her face. 

“You!” she said in an angry tone to the black haired male. 

“Nora, hey, before you kill me, listen to me. Just hear me out-” he started to say before Label Lady cut him off. 

“No! You went rogue, okay?” said Nora. 

“I needed to play Penny, our new song, and instead it was, God knows what” she added. 

“You’re welcome. That was my cool version of the mayhem’s Rockin’ Robin.” replied Moog as he got up from the couch. Zoot look at both of them, confused. 

“No, Moog. Listen to me, okay?” the black haired female replied. “You are not making this album with us,” she added. 

“All you are is some loud, clapping super-groupie who lives in a rented trailer in the driveway” said Nora in a hateful tone. 

“First of all, I own it” he said. Moog looks a bit hurt by her words. 

“Oof” said Zoot as he watch the two fight. 

“And at least I’m not a fake pillow-pile-sleeping poser who’s so desperate for success. She doesn’t even realize the perfect sound for her band is right in front of her” Moog said. 

“I like this show. Lots of drama” said the saxophonist. 

“Wow” she said. “You actually think you know what’s best for this band?” Label Lady asked. 

“More than you!” he replied. 

“At least I know their history and what really makes the Mayhem the Mayhem,” he added. 

“Maybe if you actually listened to my demo, you’d realize that” the black haired male said. 

“This is a narrative of very heavy-duty proportions,” said Zoot. 

“A few songs you cut together in your car will never convince me. You’re the future of this band” she replied. 

“My demo is the band,” Moog replied. The dark blue haired male gasped. 

“It’s remixes of all their songs from all the concerts I’ve been to” the black haired male said. 

“Oh” replied Nora. “I didn’t know that,” the black haired female added. Her tone of anger had went down. 

“Yeah. When it comes to their music, there’s a lot you don’t know” he replied, still upset. 

“Well, that was a plot twist,” said Zoot in shock. Moog picked up his demo CD and tossed it on the table in front of Nora. He leaves and heads upstairs. She picked it up and took it out of the case. Label Lady place the CD into a player and turns it on to play. 

“God only knows” by the Electric Mayhem starts playing. “Hey, they’re great. Who are they?” asked Zoot. Nora looks down and picks up a VCR tape and puts it in the TV’s player. The Tv starts to play all the events the mayhem have played at or during. 

Label Lady kept putting VCR tape after another after one ends. She kept watching them as she kept a pillow in her arms. 

Later, Floyd came downstairs. Zoot was out cold on the couch with his hat off and Nora still having the pillow in her arms. He nods his head before looking over at the black haired female. “Good times. Seems like yesterday” Floyd said. 

“I didn’t realize how lucky you are,” replied Nora. 

“ I mean, you’ve spent a lifetime making music with your friends,” she added. 

“Yep” replied the red haired male. “And I wouldn’t change it for the world,” he added. 

At Hannah’s house, the doorbell rings. Hannah opens the door to reveal Janice. The black haired female sighs. “If you’re back to heal me, you can forget about it.” said Hannah. 

“My ears finally stopped ringing from the gong,” she added. 

“Okay, so, like, this is my last attempt” replied Janice. 

“Janice, please, just let it go already” replied Nora’s sister. 

“I will. But first, I just need to look at this one little photo that I brought” the blonde female replied as she held the picture in her hands. 

“Let me guess, you went through our old family album and wanna use some childhood snapshot to remind me that Nora and I need each other?” asked Hannah. 

“Well, if you ask me, we need each other for all the wrong reasons.” she added. 

“So, if anything, the one thing we need right now is space” said the black haired female. 

“Actually, it’s not a picture of you and your sister, It’s me and mine” replied Janice as she handed Hannah the picture. The picture was Janice and her twin sister hugging each other with huge smiles on their faces in a park. 

“You have a twin?” she asked. 

“I do,” replied the blonde female. “Somewhere” she added in a sad tone. 

“I hope you’ll believe me when I say that the distance may, like, totally feel good right now because you think you don’t need your sister but at some point, you will” said Janice. 

“She won’t be there for you because you’ve drifted too far apart,” she added. 

“Trust me. I know” the blonde female said before she walked away. Hannah was still holding the picture and look back at it. 

Meanwhile, Nora was at Moog’s trailer and knocked on it. He opens the door to see Nora with his demo in her hand. “Hey” said Nora with a soft smile. 

“Let me guess. You’re here to give me my demo back” Moog replied, sounding like he just got up from a nap. 

“No,” replied Label Lady. “I’m here to…” she started to say. “Admit you were right” the black haired female finished her sentence. 

“What?” he asked in shock. 

“Your sound. It’s the perfect bridge between their past and their future” she replied. 

“Yeah. No, that’s exactly what I was going for” replied Moog. 

“All this time, I’ve been searching for a producer that gets the band. He’s been parked in our driveway the whole time” Nora replied. 

He smiles. “Look, I will not let you down, Nora,” the black haired male replied. 

“We start tomorrow. 9:00 a.m., sharp” she replied. 

“Yeah, the band doesn’t do anything before 2:00 p.m.” he replied. 

“Still learning,” replied Nora. “I’ll see you then” she added. 

“Yeah” replied Moog with a huge smile on his face. 

Back at the Shack, Nora lay down on the massive piles of pillows. Janice walks in. “Hi, roomie,” said Janice. 

“Hey” replied Label Lady. “This free-range sleeping is hard on the back,” she added. 

“I have something that totally might help” replied the blonde female. She turns and Hannah walks in. Nora gets up from the pillows to face her sister. 

“Hi,” said Hannah. 

“I’ve been calling,” replied Label Lady. 

“I know,” her sister replied. “I just…” she started to say as she tried to keep from crying. 

“I wanted to..” it seems like Hannah couldn’t find the right words. 

“What? Do you need something?” asked Nora worriedly. 

“Yeah” replied Hannah. “I need my big sis,” she added. 

The two start to cry a bit, happy to make up for their big fight. They hug each other. Hannah looks back at Janice. “Thank you,” she whisper. 

“For sure” whispers Janice with her hands up to her chest. 

The next morning, down in the basement. Moog gets ready to record some music. “All right. Let’s get back to the basics” said Nora as she turned to the band. 

“Okay, no more collabs. Just you doing what you do best” she added. 

“How about we start with some new stuff?” asked the black haired female 

“Yeah, the new stuff!” they all replied. 

“Count us in with the new stuff, o’ fearless leader” said Floyd to Dr. Teeth. 

“A one, a two… A one, two, three…” he started to say. “And a half,” he added. They were silence. 

“Four?” asked Teeth as his eyes got wide. His voice went to a high pitch like a nerd in front of his classmates.  

“Okay, so, update,” said Moog. “It seems there is no new stuff," he added. 

“It’s a work-in-progress” replied Janice. 

Teeth look nervous before he coughs up a fur ball. “Oops,” he said. 

Nora looks upset and tries to take some deep breaths. 

[blujayonthewing]

all the nerdy Themed Scents (usually candles) designed for wizards have really similar profiles that don’t actually match my wizard at all so obviously the only sensible thing to was order a bunch of samples of weird single note fragrances and smash em together myself