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starbeltconstellation · 4 months ago

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omg hiiiiii! i’ve been loving your fic since forever, and melanie is one of my favorite characters. i’ve always been curious about where you got the inspiration for her. every time i re-read the fic, i find something new that makes me fall in love with her even more.

i really appreciate how you don’t make her a mary sue, which is something i’ve sadly come across a lot in this fandom. her flaws feel very human, and she behaves in a way that most of us would. yet, you write her in a way that she doesn’t seem like just another fragile character. she has depth and strength that make her stand out. 💕💕💕

Hello! 😊💕❤️👋

Ahhhh, thank you so very much for the ask, dear anon! 😭❤️❤️❤️🥹 It’s soooo sweet. I always have wished more readers would hop on over to leave their thoughts. Maybe it would give me a little bit more of that sweet dopamine motivation. 😩😂 Lol.

As always when I hear this, I’m SOOOO happy that you love Melanie so much. 😭💕😁 It literally means the WORLD to me that so many people relate to a character I’ve written. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and then I think: “huh, maybe my writing isn’t half bad. 😌” 😂

It’s sooo cool to know you reread my fic often! 😭💕💕❤️❤️💕❤️ I’d love to read a comment whenever you do, just so I can go “agshsvhwbshvs!!! 😭” as a thank you for your kindness to read my little old work. Haha.

I’ll put the rest of my answer under a read more:

I’m so happy Mel doesn’t come across as a Mary Sue! ❤️ That was one of my worst fears, so it was REALLY important to me to try and flesh her out and give her an arc separate from Anakin. And the biggest part of that is The Shopkeeper, because it means Melanie has her OWN antagonist to deal with, just as Palpatine is Anakin’s antagonist. This was important because—just as I didn’t want Anakin to take away from MELANIE’S character arc—I in turn also didn’t want Melanie to take away from ANAKIN’S character arc. He IS still The Chosen One, after all.

That fact is really important, as Mel kind of brings up if you’ve read my latest chapter. 👀 Because it’s SO important to acknowledge how important Anakin is to the narrative and in the fate of the galaxy—specifically BECAUSE that gives him agency in his choices. Yes, there are factors such as his horrible past as a slave which fucks up his mind, but still: at the end of the day, Anakin wasn’t mind controlled. HE made those choices, and the galaxy all suffered for years because of it—because he was too selfish to change. Until Luke came along, that is. And while it’s a bittersweet feeling to say you can always change your mind, I WILL be exploring some in this fic how Anakin’s choice at the end of ROTJ is basically… selfless/selfish all at once. 😭🫣😬 (the Anakin stans gonna get me for this one. Lol. 😂).

Basically, his choice to save Luke is selfless, because he saves Luke knowing that he’ll die doing it, and won’t be around to spend time with his son. He has no clue Obi-Wan is gonna hop in last minute and speed run teaching Anakin how to become a Force ghost in the final seconds before eternal nothingness. And yet—at the same TIME—the action is selfish, specifically BECAUSE Anakin would ONLY do this for Luke. His SON. His BLOOD. But would he do it for anyone else? Like—idk—Han Solo? 😭🤷‍♀️ HELL no.

And honestly… I fr don’t know if he’d do it for Leia either. 😬🥶🫣 Low key, I truly think half the reason Luke got through to Anakin was through his sheer blind faith/loyalty in him that his father would turn it around at the last moment (and hey! He WAS right. 🤷‍♀️). But LEIA wasn’t sunshine incarnate like Luke. Leia HATED Anakin as Darth Vader. Anakin also TORTURED Leia canonically and also held her back while Tarkin blew up her planet and basically shrugged his shoulders like—“what can ya do, ya know? 🤷‍♀️🤪🤪”, so I’m FAIRLY certain Leia wouldn’t be begging Anakin to change/have such blind faith in him like Luke did. So—switch it around where Leia is the one being killed with lightning—and SHE doesn’t call out for her father. Because SHE truly doesn’t BELIEVE he can change like Luke could.

Can you TRULY see Anakin still making the same choice he did with Luke in ROTJ? 😬 Because, honestly? I can’t. 🥶🤷‍♀️

But anyway! 😂 This is becoming a little bit of a meta post, so I’ll try to move things back to your original ask.

But yes, it was SO important to me that Melanie had a realistic response to being in the SW universe, because with all the fics I’ve read—NONE of the OC’s actually react in a realistic manner. 😭🤦‍♀️ And so it was important for me to show her disbelief at first, INCLUDING her fear of Anakin. Because yessss, yessss, I know Anakin is fandoms little serial killer blorbo 🙄 (and I respect that! He’s mine too. 😏💓), but Anakin also isn’t REAL to the fans, and can be written any way they want. But for MELANIE, Anakin is now a flesh and blood person who can make his own decisions now… and considering his decisions end up being VERY bad… I do think her terror of him makes sense. 😭🤷‍♀️😂❤️

And it was REALLY important to me that Mel wasn’t just connected to the SW universe through Anakin. SO many OC’s are written without an arc because the whole fic is just about the romance, but when you do that—the OC becomes flat! Ya know? 🤷‍♀️😭 So it was important to me Mel gained other friends in the SW universe, like Ahsoka and the clones and even Yoda and Todo. All of this relates with Mel’s choice with The Shopkeeper 👀 (that I won’t spoil for any new readers who come across this post), because it means that Melanie has grown to care about the people in the SW universe, including what happens to them in the end. 💔😖

And I’m so glad you see the depth and strength to her! 😭❤️💕💕💕 That means a lot. It was certainly a struggle at first, because I obviously wanted her to start out weak and grow stronger and more confident as time passes on—but at the same time—I wanted to show that she has a backbone and a strong moral foundation; ie; she’s can’t turn her back on people she KNOWS she has the power to help (an interesting comparison to Anakin, isn’t it? 👀👀).

As for my inspiration for Melanie? Well, I think I’ve mentioned this before to some of my online friends, but when I first started the process of outlining this story, I just had the thought of—“If I landed in the SW universe, and met Anakin (AKA: Darth fucking Vader 🥶), how would I REALISTICALLY react?”

And ta da! 😁✨💕❤️ There you have it. That’s how Melanie Bains was born. Hehe.

I feel like that’s why so many people love her and relate to her—I first based a lot of Melanie’s reactions on myself and how I thought I’d act in the SW universe—but it honestly makes a lot of sense that everyone else relates to her so much, because Melanie IS basically a stand in for every fan in the SW universe (at least, the general audience fans 😂). When she curses in her head or grumbles at the clones’s antics or cannot shoot a blaster shot in a straight line (at least at first) to save her LIFE—the audience laughs and thinks, “Pfffft, that’s SO me. 😌✨😂”

And I think that’s what makes Melanie’s character so appealing. 😊❤️💕 And I’m VERY excited to show you all her journey on becoming tougher as time in the Clone Wars continues on. 😁❤️

Thank you so very much for the ask, dear anon! 🥺❤️ It truly makes my day. Hehe. 😊❤️✨💕

To any new readers that stumble across this and are curious enough to check out my fic:

Tags:

@ensomniaa

@heartfairy

@fangirlteallie

@readersunite

@shoniwake

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sprolden · 1 year ago

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What's the ultimate ranking of all parabatai pairs in your intellectual tmi-spiral opinion

thanks for acknowledging the fact that tmi is making me a bit crazy 💛 without further ado, parabatai pairs from worst to best at being parabatai:

luke & valentine - they get some points for participating in a Parabatai Love Triangle (tm) which we all know by now is an essential part of all parabatai pairs but i think it's literally mentioned once that they were parabatai and then it's never brought up again. clearly this was the parabatai equivalent of an embarassing teenage relationship. 1.5/10

lucie & cordelia - they at least take the whole parabatai connected-souls things quite seriously but they forgot the most important part and thats that you need to actually be friends. 3/10

jace & alec - these two however absolutely did not take it seriously enough lmfaoooooo there's real love between them but they hate communicating, talking and speaking to each other SOOOO MUCH. however i kind of have to respect it? sometimes a joint parabatai slay is that they both dont actually give a fuck ab being parabatai. they were kind of real for that. 5/10

james & matthew - i acknowledge that they tried but they werent very good at it were they. i think they kind of suffer from the same thing as lucie & cordelia in the sense that they interact too little to come off as besties even though they both want to be besties. however they did have quite a few moments of unwavering homoerotic loyalty and i do love that. didnt live up to their potential though. 5.5/10

robert & michael - yeah they ended on bad terms but at least they gave us the drama and the completely insane intensity i'm LOOKING for!!!! like i said earlier, almost 20 years after his death michael was still the person robert loved the most in the entire world and michael literally came back from the dead to attend roberts funeral. perhaps robert failed to notice michael dying but thats iconic in and of itself imo do you know how deep you have to bury your emotions to not notice your parabatai's death?????? complete emotional rollercoaster i love it. 7/10 no wonder jace & alec are Like That

simon & clary - they rlly just became parabatai because they could. overhated and underrated parabatai duo i think they lack a certain je ne sais quoi that other pairs do have but i'm obsessed w their friendship so i love them anyway<3 have we considered that more ppl should just become parabatai with their besties simply because they can? besides at this rate simon will be a werewolf or something in 3 months' time anyway so we can't ever blame them for jumping on the opportunity! 7.5/10

jonathan shadowhunter & david the silent - literally invented the parabatai bond. bestie goals. couldve made it more feminist and included a woman though 🙄 8/10

emma & julian - do i even need to explain. they burned down a church. objectively awful at the whole parabatai deal though but in such an iconic life-changing culturally historically and aesthetically significant way that i dont even care. 9/10

will & jem - our souls are knit. we are one person, james. 10000000000000/10

#the fact that emma and julian belong both at the top and the bottom of this list is what makes them iconic #idc if they played by the rules of being parabatai did they serve cunt? i think they did #answered asks #anonymous #tsc #tmi #tda #tlh #tid

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oathofkaslana · 5 months ago

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Kiana Kaslana for the ask game

YAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAY ty <3

ask game here

My first impression: oh a lot of people seem to like her? she seems very silly.

My impression now: the things i would do just to see her again oh my god i miss her so so so much my everythinggirl..... every part of her story is so poignant to me and i feel like it only wouldve been elevated if they lingered a bit on points theyve already brought up (ex: her complicated feelings w siegfried)

Favorite thing about that character: aourghourghourgh.. her being sooooo stubborn. its super endearing and gets her into trouble all the time i loveeee when a quality is also a flaw <3. in terms of writing i really like hi3 changing her to be a clone since it provides suuuch a fun deviation of the chosen one trope and makes her resonating w the cocoon of finality so much more satisfying

Least favorite thing: early hoyo writing where kiana was written as a pervert sucks a lot esp since the jokes often relied on her not obliging by boundaries :/ it doubly sucks bc like. they were young teens then thats so fucking weird.

Favorite line/scene: EVERLASTING FLAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kind of a cheat answer but i love it so so so so so much. chapter 25 in general god. i loeveee kiana being put on trial by the herrscher of dominion and the layers of this herrscher defined by a collection of puppets and a belief in humanitys inherent worthelssness challenges k423's beliefs about herself as a clone and has her stubbornly refusing to believe in the worst in people :'''')

Favorite interaction that character has with another: ough there are so many i dont think i can choose dear god. im just gonna list various ones w different characters. this ones really small but w siegfried theres this one page where he falls asleep on the floor and kiana puts a blanket over him and curls up next to him and he wakes up, putting the blanket on her insteda (she is still on the floor.) its so so sad to me he's a pretty shitty dad to her at that moment especially but :(((( another strong contender is when he meets theresa again and starts asking abt donghua and theresas lambasting him about not even asking about kiana and he admits that he cant or he'll get distracted im going to fucking cry...... lament of the fallen is such an easy one for mei so ill say them in chapter 32 :''') kiana opening up abt her talk with himeko and audibly choking up when she talks about it i feel sick dear god. both telling each other how important they are to each other and the hope they give each other :' kiana grabbing her hand and telling her they'll go home togteher OUGHHH w bronya its definitely their goodbyes to each other. the fact that bronya is so sad that she makes an excuse to leave early because she doesnt want kiana to see her cry and schedules them for video game nights so kiana isnt lonely dear fucking god. another contender is ofc in everlasting flames where she defends kiana and uses the HoR powers to tie her hair up i feel sick theyre soooo sisters to me himekos also really really really hard bc both final lesson and chapter 25 exist but i think final lesson takes it for me. ive said it over and over again but himeko actively not wanting to die but choosing to anyways because she doesnt want kiana to die (even though this goes against the protocol shes been living and teaching by) and that ultimately being the thing that keeps kiana going OUGHHHHHHH. also fuck. the lyrics to nightglow. w sirin its of course that part of graduation trip who would i be if that line wasnt there. fuckkkk. her putting her hand back to align with kianas too :(

A character that I wish that character would interact with more: CHEWING ON MY WALLS. SO MANY PEOPLE. primarily i wish we got to see more of her with like. bronya, theresa, sirin, bianka. i know we got a lot of bronya and sirin alread ybut. consider there couldve been more..

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character: this is so fucking humiliating. bruce wayne. he doesnt struggle w his humanity the exact same way as kiana does but they both struggle with/are motivated by feelings of guilt and love of humanity. also. arc city kiana. i rest my case.

A headcanon about that character: aurgh ok sm i havent posted about before. man. i just think she has such complex feelings during her st freya days. i think she'd stay up late and think about her dad or think about days where she was didn't have the domesticity she has now and feel so thankful for it. i think st freya dorms was both hard and easy for her to settle into. i think she and bronya have spent some nights staying up together playing video games because they both feel that.

A song that reminds of that character: i'm still here by the john rzeznik o7 its soooo himeko and kiana to me.

An unpopular opinion about that character: i don't think i have any unpopular opinions about her actually skjhbdfbhd

Favorite picture:

these two :''

#ask game #TYYYYYY <333 SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG.

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truckreincarnation · 9 months ago

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Credit Warp Glitch | Manami | 5.4

And so the architect of half their demises shows their pretty little face. Emphasis on the pretty, Manami has to admit to herself, even as she can’t stop her lip from curling into a snarl.

(Thump-thump.)

“Well well well! How nice of you to join us properly! Y, you’re really like some kind of beastly fae…! Gosh, I wouldn’t want to run into you in the woods at night… or, maybe I would, ehehe!

Really? She doesn’t have a feline familiar to look at her incredulously, but there’s one in spirit. Maybe Pettiwhisker does give her a look of disdain from across the room. Who knows.

(Thump-thump. Thump-thump.)

“Ahahaha, I really could have killed you back then for that little stunt with the Substance Six…! was so mad when it happened, I had to stand there and bite my tongue and pretend I wasn’t going to have to punch holes through a few dummies to feel better… At least you had an actual reason to do that, stupid as it might have been. Too little too late on returning the stuff, but at least you realized. Did you catch my scent before or after you decided to apologize, I wonder…? Ah well. That doesn’t matter right now. There are more important things to talk about!”

She holds up two fingers, one on each hand on her left side, for emphasis.

“Like so what if Germain did it?”

“People in Calamity are ignorant, fearful, and looking for every excuse to treat Incarnates like garbage. The other global players would loooove to feed into that and paint us all as A Regicidal Team here!”

(Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.)

“The way I see it, an agent of the Demon King killing Calum would be an act of war as part of an ongoing conflict, and it's a war that's going to end veeeeery soon! We know you’re Germain, but nobody in Calamity cared enough to notice that I, a far more recent arrival, had already been summoned a while ago soooo they’re not going to care about who you are outside of being the Secret Hero of Calamity. Sorry! Anyways...”

“Imagine what would come of it if they find out that Ocelottie’s a kingslayer? I think things are already bad enough out there without adding treason to the fire!”

(Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.)

“If I did it, everyone else gets an easier time walking away from this to live your lives as you choose. If the Lynchpin did it - you know, someone who binds us together as a unit? When they’re already accusing everyone of collusion? Three guesses how well that's gonna work out! And the first two don't count!!"

“Nobody is safe right now. The Five Dukes, the other foreign powers Alvarie was talking about, they’d all sleep much easier at night if everyone here was either Crested or murdered into forgetting who we used to be. Or maybe they’ll all work together to throw us all into Diete’s torture pit, unless the reports of that thing are highly exaggerated. There are plenty of horrible fates you’ve signed us up for here, Germain, because you haven't actually said anything about a follow-up plan here! Crests can be broken. There’s no coming back from some of the others.”

(Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.)

“But all hope is not lost…! It's going to be messy no matter what comes next… but in the chaos, taking decisive action will curb the worst of it. And that’s exactly what we’re going to do! I can actually protect you here. Maybe I didn’t kill King Calum personally, but I was in the right place, at the right time, with the right guise, and the right abilities to do it! I don’t see any reason why we need to let a silly thing like the truth get in the way of crafting an equally-compelling version of events that might be… more palatable to the public, you know?

“You want me to be the bad guy anyways, don’t you? So let me be the bad guy!”

#Manami #ch5 #trial5 #submission

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blindinghope · 11 months ago

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reading harry potter for the first time: the chamber of secrets

the philosopher's stone post

notes/reactions, updated as i go

17.12.23 - 07.01.24

-ok so we're starting off strong...in tears.

GOD CAN HE JUST HAVE A MOMENT OF PEACE AND HAPPINESS.

-this is soooo different from the movie omg???

-I LOVE that we get an in-depth feel of harry's reaction to the burrow..it's so pure

-the gnomes at the burrow is hilarious omg would've loved to see this in the movie

-there's so much..warmth and life harry is experiencing just before the trip to diagon alley. i think it's so important to his growth especially most of it being wizardry aspects like what the weasleys consider minuscule i.e. charms to clean dishes

AAAAAAAAA RON!!!! HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HIS LIFE AT THE DURSLEYS OR HIS ROOM!!! HARRY THINKS YOUR LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!! BE PROUD!!!!😭😭😭

-"what harry found most unusual about life at ron's...it was the fact that everybody there seemed to like him"

-then it goes on to mrs weasley taking care of him and mr weasley wanting a genuine conversation........god i cannot do this.

-after harry leaves knockturn alley they all meet at gringotts instead of the bookshop and that provides another moment to see the genuine care and affection mrs weasley and mr weasley continue to have for him...oh my god. i'm literally about to cry....!!!! it's sooo interesting they changed this entirely in the movie and instead they met at the bookshop and mrs weasley doesn't have this kind of reaction. she was still kind and caring but not to this extent. as well as mr weasley using the repair spell vs hermione in the movie, it makes soo much of a difference in this parental relationship harry develops with molly and arthur

THE WAY I ALMOST SCREAMED!! HOW DARE THE MOVIE STAFF REMOVE LUCIUS AND ARTHUR FIGHTING!!!! the twins really said "get him again for me!!" dhsjdjf also where does hagrid just appear from

-woooow gilderoy has a much bigger presence in the book...

-54 question pop quiz about this guy's life...SOMEONE OBLIVIATE HIM ALREADY!!!

-love that there's an uproar when draco calls hermione a mudblood. if it really is such a terrible word the movie should've shown that too

-damn even nearly headless nick has a considerably bigger part to play here. the imagery of his deathday party is so wild. also f*ck st patrick!!! this was nick's party!!!!

-reallyyy crazy to read the lines that were swapped in the movie

-this b*tch describing dobby AND fawkes as ugly. ROWLING WHEN I CATCH YOU!!!!!

the twins are ridiculous😭😭😭😭

-hedwig and harry's companionship is much more sweet in the book ):

-TOM RIDDLE WAS HEAD BOY???? LMAOOOOO NERD

-what's so crazy to me is the trio never research the name riddle....they were so quick to do so for nicolas flamel..??

-i have a chapter left and i couldve been done days ago (currently dec 24) but i dont have poa readily available to me yet so i cannot push myself to finish......but...soon.....

-i knew there was so much more to ginny and the diary...wow she's an actual character,,,with thoughts and feelings and not just the worst on screen chemistry i've ever witnessed

-movie is definitely always altering the picture in my head as i read especially being in the chamber now and how it's all playing out just a bit differently

-tom being a little shit had me stifle a laugh on the train😭 and him being the one to say phoenix tears heal and admitting he forgot that?? so crazy

-ginny is traumatized!!!!! and she had so much more dialogue!!!!!

-really love to know the inbetween moments like immediately after they got out of the chamber and what happens with lockhart

-god that's such a depressing way to end the book. fawk the dursleys!!!!!

-coming back to say i had so many moments where i criticized her writing... blatant fatphobia and excessive bullying of some characters looks was so odd. like this was aimed towards young children at first no? strange

#text #reading harry potter #the chamber of secrets #books

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ntaras · 4 months ago

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HIII this was such a pleasant surprise to wake up to omg i love you for dissecting this

i can understand why certain details about characters aren’t brought up in order to fit the limited time they have for the story but it takes away sooo much about said characters. like tomas in the story doesn’t have ANYTHING going on for him but then you learn some random details from the pre into dialogues and it’s like?? i feel like this is a different guy????

yeah giving tomas a mom and sister only for them die was a reference to the ice brothers’ own mom and sister and i will admit it made me mad when i realized that but finding a way to connect that similar pain definitely helped. i do think a lot can be said about the father’s involvement in canon regarding “the mom” and “the sister” but i’ll leave that discussion for later

it was nice giving tomas some depth!!! even though all of what you see of him is tomas a kid in the fic, i really liked writing the transition of tomas into the lin kuei and becoming a part of the family. you nailed the connection between the father and tomas. it was a trait and skill he developed from his mom but eventually it would be honed to suit the father’s needs.

i do adore the ice brother’s mom and sister so much even if we know next to nothing about them. it was a small win for me that the mom was mentioned in the pre fight dialogues but i still miss her dearly like she’s an actual playable character in mk lmao. but like you said she is super important to bi-han’s background and i feel like a lot discussion regarding og bi-han always forgets her :(( like even john tobias himself has talked about her!!!

as the father as much as i am his number one hater i go back and forth on the abusive thing. i hate his mk1 version soooo much more than the man who originally kidnapped his kids and was implied to kill his wife and daughter so i had to make an absolute prick in this. i just can’t fuck with making him this good guy when i feel like it takes away so much from the brothers and messed with bi-han’s own character so much. at least with the og version you can question if the dad was forced to kidnap them and it leaves a lot of interesting questions regarding the methods the lin kuei use with their members and how they specifically train (and breed) cryomancers. like, i have depth to work with vs the dad in mk1 who just pisses me off

i do think bi-han is an unfortunate blend of his parents. and you once again nailed he inherited the worst traits from his parents!! he’s the beloved son and the worst son. as the eldest son he gets to honor of being protected by the very hands that dominate his and kuai liang’s and tomas’s and his mother’s and his sister’s life. bi-han’s entire childhood is knowing he can die but he isn’t allowed to die, while others around him didn’t share that “privilege.” his mother’s kindness that’s in him is a placement for that rare compassion bi-han had and showed in mythologies. in a way that kindness also mimics his father, as he doesn’t reveal the truth of their father’s actual intentions. so some traits you think are his mother’s can also be his father’s and vice versa

i do agree that tomas should’ve had some doubt in kuai liang, because it would’ve been nice to actually get in tomas’s head and actually get his thoughts on the whole conflict. i think a little more expansion on who the father was and the actual circumstances of how he died would also help the story a lot more cause wdym bi-han just “left him to die”??? there’s no explanation as to HOW he died… but yeah tomas actually coming to terms of how bad his adoptive father was it could gear into a direction of tomas separating from the family and going on his path

i left the “no guilt. no relief. all love.” part completely open to interpretation!! in my opinion it’s an amalgamation of his emotions and the realization that in the end- even if he himself isn’t released of his guilt or allowed any relief in his actions- it can all be boiled down to his love. even if he ends up betraying earth realm and every one resents him (which brings him neither guilt nor a sense of relief) he can at least say he did for something.

but you still nail your reasoning for that line!!! i will admit now that i’m not very fond of having bi-han cry, but i think you got the idea pretty much down. despite promising to kill him he couldn’t act on that promise and as you said, denies himself that relief (which he deserved!)

yes the final part about the hands on their necks is describing his mom and sister, but also just in general the ease in which his father could just kill anyone close to bi-han. it’s another way to showcase how similar bi-han is to his father. his father killed and felt nothing, and bi-han didn’t kill and felt that same nothingness.

YES ABOUT THE GENERATIONAL TRAUMA!!! i genuinely think that’s something that should be explored in canon regarding that entire family because (at least in the og tl) those cryomancers spent generation after generation serving a clan and producing for a clan. that’s also why i think the og father is a lot more interesting to look at compared to mk1: a cruel clan produced cruel fathers who were cruel to their children and so on. that is one of things i’m trying to convey in this fic with bi-han and his father (and in the fic with luna in it, i’m trying to convey it with the father and bi-han and then bi-han and luna). the generational trauma would just explain so much about bi-han and why he did what he did in the story.

anyways THANK YOU FOR THIS RESPONSE TO THIS FIC AND THE LOVE FOR LUNA <33333333

Father.

spoilers for the newest mk game

i’m very upset at the way they treated bi-han as a one note villain, and hate how they made out his father to be a good man. so, here’s a fic aka some anti sub-zero father propaganda.

the fic is centered around bi-han's relationship with his father

warnings for abuse, implied murder of an infant, and implied death during childbirth

if you see any typos don’t mention it to save me from embarrassment please

word count: 2.5k +

1. Sister

There’s a hand on Bi-Han’s throat. It’s not choking him, but it could if it wanted to. He could thrash and flail in the hand’s grip, but every time he whips his head in order to get away, the grip tightens. It’s mocking him, telling him how his last breath is in its palms. Eventually, Bi-Han learned it would never kill him. It would just make fun of him. It wasn’t any better for him.

But he’s lucky, isn’t he? The very hand that could kill him, also protecting him from death. Evidence of its power to take away life lies in the corpse of Bi-Han’s mother. He can’t see her, and he can’t feel her hands anymore. Even if the hand of his father left an awful pit deep in Bi-Han’s soul, his mother could show her son her hands, and that warmth exists even in the coldest parts.

The hand clasps his shoulder, cold skin- bitter.

“Oh, my son, what will we tell your brother?”

Bitter. Bi-Han hates bitterness. Not the taste, but what he is. It’s a taste too close to the hand around his neck. It’s a taste possessing him, a black tar attacking his soul.

“Bi-Han, did you hear me?”

Hear? What did Bi-Han hear? Just hours ago, when he walked towards the room where he heard his mother screaming and abruptly fell silent, he heard more crying. Though as loud as the screams his mother let out, they were still smaller. He was ushered out by two men standing guard by the door. He didn’t hear the crying again.

But he’s lucky, isn’t he?

“Your mother’s gone, and a sister- you would have had a little sister.”

The very hand that could kill him, also protecting him from death. Lucky, blessed boy, to not be a daughter.

“She’s not dead,” Bi-Han whispered.

“Bi-Han-”

He shoved his father’s hand off his shoulder. “She’s not dead!”

“She is dead- both of them. You mother and sister-”

“I heard her crying!”

Though many of the Lin Kuei men knew the Grandmaster for far longer than Bi-Han had been alive, they didn’t grow up with that man as a father. Bi-Han could see how his eyes held the contempt, scorn, disgust, and hate he had hidden away. They were eyes that watched Bi-Han like he was an animal, and his father the hunter. Though his father never took the shot to kill him, he would graze him enough for blood to spill.

His father’s eyes unveiled themself to Bi-Han.

“Who? No one was crying. Your sister was already dead before she could take her first breath.”

“She’s still alive! I heard her-”

The way his father struck him did sting, but it didn’t hurt. Even if blood began coating his tongue, it’s not as bad as the bitterness.

His father gripped both of his shoulders, dragging Bi-Han close to him and unable to escape his hold. Bi-Han kept his face turned away, looking down at the floor. He could feel the tears forming, and he couldn’t face his father with those tears on display.

“No one is crying except you, Bi-Han.”

Bi-Han’s lips wobbled, the question begging to be released from his mouth.

How’d he do it?

2. Tomas

There’s no love in Bi-Han’s father. He can laugh like any other man, his smiles are like any other man, but kindness doesn’t come from simulated laughs and smiles.

But he loves to feign kindness.

Even if killing Tomas’s family was an accident, sparing him from that same fate wasn’t an accident. Taking in a new son wasn’t an accident. Giving him the tools to be a useful son wasn’t an accident.

Tomas was allowed to keep his mother’s knife- he didn’t want anything else from the bodies of his dead family. The Grandmaster had removed the knife from the mother’s hand, grabbed the knife’s sheath, and handed the bloodstained weapon to Tomas.

Night came, and when Tomas fell asleep, Bi-Han snuck into his room and took the knife. For hours, he washed away the blood from the silver metal and cleaned the sheath. Bi-Han couldn’t wash away the blood that still stained Tomas’s fingers without waking him up.

As Tomas became his and Kuai Liang’s brother, Bi-Han couldn’t bring himself to call Tomas his brother. He was sure he didn’t care much for him, the cleaning of the knife was simply because his father didn’t clean it. It was a good deed that no one knew about- so it didn’t matter if Bi-Han did it.

Besides, Tomas was sure Bi-Han hated him. Bi-Han yelled at him once during a sparring session. Tomas clumsily slipped on the mat, and almost stabbed Bi-Han in the arm. Bi-Han screamed the word “idiot” so loudly, it echoed through the halls of the temple. The eleven year old ran away embarrassed, and Bi-Han was scolded by his father, that a future Grandmaster of the Lin Kuei has to keep his cool, even if others are being idiots.

Bi-Han’s way to his room was past Tomas’s room, but hearing his name leave Tomas’s lips, Bi-Han paused and listened to what was being said about him.

“Why doesn’t Bi-Han like me? I’ve been here for a year and all he does is call me stupid.”

“Bi-Han calls me stupid sometimes.”

Of course, Kuai Liang and Tomas quickly became close. Kuai Liang inherited all the kindness of his mother, the bitterness unable to possess him.

“But Bi-Han means it when he calls me that.”

“He also means it when he calls me that.”

“But you’re his brother! I’m not anything to him.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“What?”

“I think if Bi-Han really hated you, he wouldn’t have let you have the last egg roll yesterday.”

The moment he heard the two giggling, he made his presence known. “Can the two of you shut up? I want to go to sleep.”

Kuai Liang and Tomas sheepishly glanced at their older brother, Kuai Liang trying to stifle his giggles behind his hand, and Tomas completely red in the face. Bi-Han was ready to continue his way to his room, but once again stopped himself when he noticed Tomas staring at him. He locked eyes with the boy, who quickly looked down to the ground. Despite just laughing with Kuai Liang about Bi-Han, once Tomas met Bi-Han’s eyes for the first time since almost harming him, the tears began to slowly work their way down his face.

Had it been Bi-Han’s choice, Tomas wouldn’t be his brother. Instead, Tomas would still be running around in the woods with his family. He’d still have his mother to teach him how to track animals, how to stitch his own clothes, and she’d be the one to give him her knife.

Would it have been a mercy to kill Tomas also, to die in the embrace of his mother, rather than grow up to be another weapon for the man who claims the name “father?”

Bi-Han swallows his bitterness, and forces himself to find his mother’s kindness. “It was only a scratch. It won’t even scar me.”

He leaves before he can see how Tomas reacts.

Bi-Han almost wants to turn around and march towards his father’s room. In that split second of vulnerability, he yearned for his father to convey that same feeling. It’d never happen, it’s a farfetched fantasy.

But the question once again begged to be released into the open.

How’d he do it?

3. Kuai Liang

Kuai Liang is ignorant to his father’s truth. The truth being that all the fondness he has for Kuai Liang isn’t because he loves him. In fact, Kuai Liang is the son that doesn’t matter. It’s Bi-Han that matters. As his father once told Bi-Han, it’s why he’s so harsh with his darling eldest son. Because his claim to the Lin Kuei matters.

The bloody noses, the scars, and the occasional broken bones Kuai Liang received weren’t ever by his father. It was always by Bi-Han whenever they’d train together- almost pitted against each other by their father. As Kuai Liang would be ushered to the infirmary, eager to heal so he can continue training, his father would approach Bi-Han and chastise him for being “too harsh” with his little brother.

He doesn’t care if Bi-Han’s being too harsh with Kuai Liang, just as long as he doesn't kill him.

Bi-Han isn’t scared of hurting Kuai Liang, but he fears his father’s hand hovering around his younger brother’s neck. The gentlest push could snap Kuai Liang’s neck, and then maybe Bi-Han would also die alongside him. Maybe he’d become something worse.

Of course his father is aware that the reason he has such a hold on Bi-Han is because of Kuai Liang, and eventually even because of Tomas. Bi-Han is the only one who lives knowing the capabilities of their father’s violence, the other two boys blessed with being the youngest.

What is it like to be ignorant? As Kuai Liang inherited their mother’s goodness, Bi-Han inherited her knowledge of the truth. She lived a life aware of the terror that was her husband, and was unable to save her children from him. Would Bi-Han be able to save his brothers? What would his mother think of him if he failed?

If she became angry with him, that would be fine. She could lock him out the gates of Heaven if it meant she could embrace Kuai Liang again. Bi-Han would enter hell, and become trapped with his father for eternity, but hopefully he would become the one to torture his father.

He’s never felt the urge to torture his father as much as he did right now.

It’s been ten years since his mother died, today is the “anniversary” of her death. His father always held a dinner in memory of his wife’s and daughter’s untimely demise. Everyone had retired to bed after eating, leaving only Bi-Han and his father facing each other on the opposite sides of the table.

They watched each other in silence as the servants cleaned the table as fast as they could, wanting to escape the awful tension in the air.

As quickly as they finished cleaning, they left the room.

“I was disappointed with the food this year. In all honesty, my appetite was ruined when the rice arrived late. How does plain, white rice arrive late?”

Bi-Han doesn’t respond. His father continues.

“Though it seems you also agree. You barely had anything, but then again, you never eat whenever this day arrives.”

Bi-Han doesn’t respond. His father sighs.

“I waited for everyone else to leave because you clearly have something to say, so what is it? Spit it out, son.”

Bi-Han still doesn’t respond. His father rolls his eyes.

“Even Kuai Liang doesn’t throw a tantrum about this- and you’ve been throwing one for the last ten years. Once a year, you decide to throw this little scene with me. He was eight and practically still glued to that woman’s hip, and yet you’re the one still acting like a child.”

“Don’t.”

His father raised an eyebrow at the one-word response Bi-Han gave him. “What? I could at least understand Kuai Liang if he acted the way you’re acting right now, but you don’t have an excuse. Besides, what if Kuai Liang or Tomas were to die? If you behaved like this, that would simply be embarrassing.”

Bi-Han digs his nails into his palm, his shoulders tensing up. This only urges his father to continue antagonizing his son.

“You are aware that either of them could possibly die? I thought you would have come to peace with that considering our profession. Do you remember your uncle, my own younger brother? Did you see me weep when his body was delivered to me? No, you didn’t. Even if Kuai Liang’s body was delivered to me, I wouldn’t-”

“I’ll kill you someday.”

His father almost misses what he said, the words almost hiding themselves from him. But he heard them, and intrigued, his eyes began to gleam with a wicked glint.

“Will you now?”

Bi-Han still can’t look at that man in the eyes, but his body urges the words out of him anyways.

“The day will come when you’re begging me to save you- when you’re finally at my mercy. And I won’t give you any.”

His father laughs- the most genuine laugh Bi-Han has heard come out of him. If he was Kuai Liang, he would be grinning at the old man’s bellowing laugh.

“I’ll look forward to that day, Bi-Han.”

His father leaves Bi-Han alone at the dinner table. Bi-Han’s throat is dry, sweat pooling at his forehead. That wasn’t torture, that was amusement for his father. It was a circus show his father watched for free. And despite it all, Bi-Han still couldn’t ask the question he’s kept in him for the last ten years.

How’d he do it?

4. Bi-Han

His father is dying.

Bi-Han doesn’t care how his father is dying, he only cares about the fact that he is dying.

The snow has never looked as white as it did with his father’s blood dyeing it. The woods have never been as quiet as it did with his father’s labored breathing. The cold has never touched Bi-Han as much as it did now, with the bitterness leaving his father and the desperation sinking in.

A hand reached out towards Bi-Han, struggling to keep itself supported it collapsed back onto the snow.

“He-help me, son.”

Bi-Han remembers this spot in the woods as the same place Kuai Liang and Tomas began throwing snowballs at him, and in response, Bi-Han kicked the unfinished snowman they built. The woods, at the very least, can offer Bi-Han the memories of fonder parts of his childhood.

“Bi-Han, please.”

The woods can offer melancholic memories also. If he went further into the woods, he would stumble upon the trees Kuai Liang and Tomas planted- gravestones for the family Tomas lost. Though it’s not as sorrowful as it sounds, as it was the same spot Tomas hugged him for the first time.

“I need you to help me, Bi-Han, please.”

If Bi-Han went even further into the woods, he would stumble upon a cave where a bear and her family took shelter in. The first time he saw the mother bear and her cubs, he rushed back home to show Kuai Liang. For hours, they watched the mother catching fish in the river next to the cave, and the cubs annoying each other. They didn’t return back to the temple until the sun began to set. Those bears probably don’t live there anymore, but a new family has probably moved in.

“Son!”

How’d he do it?

There’s a hand on their throat.

How’d he do it?

It doesn’t take much to snap their neck.

How’d he do it?

There’s no blood to spill, so he won’t have to look at himself in the red mirror.

How’d he do it?

No guilt. No relief.

All love.

Bi-Han’s a liar. He doesn’t get a chance to kill his father. He watches his father, instead. He watches his father choke on his own begging and pleading for his eldest son’s love.

It’s all love.

It’s how Bi-Han did it- all love.

The woods have never been more alive, as Bi-Han finally looked his father in his dead, unblinking eyes, and cried.

#appointing you as the mk1 writer ™#<- i am so honored

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kingdomofvellia · 3 years ago

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Shiloh: I am thinking blueberries, raspberries and cloudberries for the garnish. Leo: Okay. Shiloh: I also want meringue, because they're tasty. Leo: Sure.

Shiloh: What do you think? Leo: It sounds like a great cake. Shiloh: You mean it? Leo: I do, I just have one question though; What are we doing for the actual cake part?

Shiloh: Really? I have to write that too? Leo: Don’t be like that! We had an agreement; You would make the shopping list and the design, and I'd get the stuff we need to make it, right? Shiloh: Yeah but it's hard to write in Anyian, the letters are so confusing...

Leo: Okay fine. I'll get the rest of the things based on the design. Shiloh: Good, because I am so tired I don’t think I could plan more even if I wanted to. Leo: Do you want to?

Shiloh: I really don’t... Zara: Ahem! It's now an hour past your bedtime, Shiloh. Shiloh: Mum..! Zara: Don’t use that tone, young man!

Shiloh: Fine, I’m coming... Leo: Sleep tight, Shiloh. Shiloh: You too, uncle...

Zara: Shiloh. Shiloh: I’m coming! Zara: Then move those feet, please!

Shiloh: I just wanted to make sure that the cake will be good... Zara: Cake? Oh, is that why you wanted to stay up extra? Shiloh: *Yawns* Yeah... Leo and I are making it tomorrow morning... Zara: How very kind of you, sweetheart.

Zara: Then you really need to go to bed, so you don’t oversleep! Shiloh: I know... Leo: Could you two ask Odin to come in when you leave? Zara: Of course!

Odin: No need to have them ask for me, I am always lurking in your shadows, milordI Leo: I take it you were outside the door? Odin: Yeah, I got your text.

Leo: Good, then you know I need you to do something important and secret.

Odin: Of course! I have already prepared everything to be just like you asked. Leo: Thank you. Odin: Anytime! I will be sure to be quick and quiet, milord!

Odin: So by the time you will need the supplies I will be done and ready to- oh, you want me to buy you a cake? Leo: No, just the parts for it. Odin: Okay..?

————————��-🌚

Charlotte: This is SO unfair!

Charlotte: After months of courting, charming and flirting with this old frumpy guy, he finally begs me to come with him to some high class gala - only for Alexander to go overseas on a whim! Benny: ...

Charlotte: Worst part of it? I know for a FACT that the next time I find myself with a similar opportunity, he will do the same thing! Why? Because he hates me! Benny: ... That’s not true. Charlotte: It has to be! He always tries to stop me from actually getting somewhere in life!

Charlotte: I get one bad report from my superiors and suddenly I have to be at his every call. Benny: ... Charlotte: It’s so unfair.

Leo: What is unfair? Charlotte: Big boss A over there keeps clam jamming me.

Leo: ... Excuse me? Charlotte: ... Benny: ...

Leo: ... Charlotte: ... Benny: ...

Charlotte: Ohmigosh, Prince Leo!! Hi!! I did not expect you to come pick us up from the airport!! Gosh, Benny, we’re so lucky! Leo: Uh- Charlotte: I did not just say what you think I did!! Haha, Really!!

Charlotte: How are you? Are you well? How’s little Frederick! Leo: ... Everything’s fine. Charlotte: Oooh that is so good! He looks just like you, you know! I saw his picture in the paper the other day, and aw- A-DOR-A-BLE!

Leo: ... Thanks? Charlotte: But that makes sense, considering who his father is! Leo: Uh... Charlotte: But also his mother, Alice is soooo gorgeous! Alexander: What are you doing?

Charlotte: Your Majesty! Did you get your coffee? Alexander: What are you doing.

Charlotte: Me? Aw, I was just asking Leo about his life! It’s been sooo long since I saw him last. Alexander: Is that true? Leo: ... I guess. Charlotte: See? I wasn’t doing anything bad!

Alexander: Fine. Just remember what I told you. Charlotte: Of course, your Majesty! I’ll be on my best behavior! Alexander: Great, let’s go. Charlotte: Right behind you! Leo: ...

Charlotte: *Mutters* Jerk. Benny: *Whispers* You shouldn’t call him that... Leo: ... Really, brother? First Petya and now Charlotte? Alexander: What, you don’t approve? Leo: I am just wondering why you can’t surround yourself with normal bodyguards for once.

Alexander: Ha! Like you’re one to talk. Leo: What are you getting at? Alexander: Oh, nothing.

#The Sims 4 #The Sims 4 Royal #Sims 4 #Sims 4 Royal #TS4 #Sim: Leo #Sim: Shiloh #Sim: Zara #Sim: Alexander #Sim: Charlotte #Sim: Benny

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legendarywizarddetective · 3 years ago

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On Set - Chapter 1

Soooo.... after all these lovely comments of you, here is Part 1 of my story for you. I hope you like it. A special thanks again to @nashibirne who always supports me no matter what and kicks my butt if I struggle with writing...Love you hunnybunny <3

Pairing: Henry Cavill x reader (f)

Summary: You start your work as Henrys new PA and things turn out completely diffrent than you thought...

Word count: 1309

Warnings: rpf, implied smut, insecurity

Please note also that english is not my mother tongue and that the story is not beta read, so all the mistakes are mine.

tag list: @nashibirne @sillyrabbit81 @lunedelorient @littlefreya @fanficlover91 @omgkatinka @aaescritora @finney13s @lumiousmoon @sharonisantisocial @marantha @supermamabear123 @lharrietg @red42985 @summersong69

Chapter one: Never in a million years I would have thought that I would be Henry Cavill's personal assistant but now here we are. After the short greeting in Lauren's trailer we headed to Henry's to sort out what my tasks would be. It was just half an hour that I was officially his PA now and I already was nearly breaking down. This man could definitely not be human, his broad back and his muscular body... his curls and his ridiculously handsome face and the worst of all, his ocean blue eyes that stared right into my soul every time he looked at me... Well yes Henry Cavill was certainly the lead role in all my thirsty fantasies and to be honest not just once in my mind while I pleasured myself late at night. And now I felt like a boneless puddle just because of his sole presence in the same room. I wasn’t sure how I should manage to be the professional assistant Lauren had promised him. Well there was just one solution to this problem. I had to face reality... He was way out of my league. ah what did I think...way out of my universe, there wouldn’t ever be the possibility that he would see me as a woman and not just as his employee. I didn’t need to trick me and think that there would be the tiniest chance... I mean come on, we all knew his ex-girlfriends, one prettier than the other, all super sexy, super fit and super gorgeous, nothing ordinary and average like me. That’s it Y/N just face the truth and be happy about the job. "Earth to Y/N" Henry pulled me out of my thoughts as I stood awkwardly and lost in the middle of his trailer. "Oh, sorry what did you say?" I mumbled slightly embarrassed by my lack of attention. "I just asked if we want to sit down and talk about our arrangement" he smiled at me. "Oh of course". I simply replied and followed him to the small couch in the Living room. We sat down on opposite sites and looked at each other, our knees touching because of the lack of space but Henry didn’t even realize. For me on the other hand, just that tiny bit of bodily contact made me tingle with excitement. His soul reading blue eyes stared at me and I swore I saw a light grin on his face as if he knew exactly what he was doing to me. I shook my head and looked down on my lap "Well OK Henry please tell me what you expect from me as your personal assistant." I looked at him again Be professional, be professional. I thought to myself while his smile never disappeared and he obviously was confident enough to hold eye contact the whole time, I mean why wouldn’t he, HE was definitely not distracted by pure beauty like I was. "OK there are several things that you as my personal assistant need to do, I mean obviously you did a lot of these things for Lauren too but it wouldn’t hurt to repeat them doesn’t it darling?" his smirk grew bigger with each of his words "Of course not Mr. Cavill... I mean Henry" Oh gosh he was so fucking intimidating and some kind of demanding, but I wouldn’t mind at all if he would have pounded my chores deep inside me, right here on the carpet in front of the couch now. Fuck fuck fuck stay professional. The heat started already to grew up in my spine but I tried to remained focused and to not look down in embarrassment again. "The most important thing is that everything I tell you stays between you and me, I mean obviously you signed an NDA anyway but I want to have a trustworthy relationship with you. because you will get to know a lot of personal things during our time together." His words were strict but his smile was bright and warm. "That’s absolutely clear Henry I would never talk about the things you trust me with to anyone... I bet you already made enough bad experiences with that" I rumbled but then it stroke me "Oh sorry that was a bit too forward maybe" I scolded myself for letting my words go so far but I knew enough about him and his past to know, that his privacy was very important to him. "That wasn’t too forward... That’s exactly why I told you that. I really want to trust you and I want you to trust me as well. Yes, I had some people around me before that abused my trust

and I will not let that happen ever again" as he said that his smile faltered and for the first time in our conversation I saw the real Henry, the one that was just a human being with emotions and doubts, not Henry Cavill the actor. But he composed himself very quickly. "Your main task is to watch my schedule and remind me of meetings and appointments I have. Here on set you will get my timeline from Lauren and I already have a complete schedule for the next two weeks with appointments like interviews and training sessions that I need to attend in addition to filming. You have to watch the clock so that I don’t mix anything up, but I don’t think that this will be a problem for you. Lauren said that you are a fantastic organizer." He gave me the most reassuring smile and I blushed instantly which didn’t go unnoticed to Henry. "Ah and there is one more thing I’d like to ask you right before we start... because our schedule is very packed I thought it would be the best, if you could skip your drives in the morning and evening and therefore move in with me into my rental house at Berkshire." He beamed at me. "I am sorry what?" I couldn’t believe my ears. Did Henry really ask me if I wanted to share a house with him...heaven help that could not be real. "Yeah well it´s just effective isn’t it?" He scratched his head and seemed to be somewhat unsure of himself for a moment. "But you don’t need to if you are not comfortable with it" he tried to ease up the situation, certainly not used to female hesitance. "No no its OK. It’s totally fine for me and I bet that your house has a guest room and we don’t need to share a bed." I tried to answer as cockily as possible. "Well this darling, depends totally on you" Henry grinned at me with a smug smile. OK now ladies and gentleman I am dead. Was that a serious invitation for a hook up?I sat there speechless, bright red and left with an open mouth. "No worries princess I am just kidding" he winked at me ahh ooh OK it would have been too good to be true anyway.. but wait did he just called me princess? "Of course, I have a guest room. If you want to, we can head over to your apartment and catch your belongings now" with that he stood up and held out his hand to me. As I took it and he helped me to stand up, some sort of electricity stroke me. Henry pulled me towards him and now just a few inches separated us as he looked down to me, right into my eyes with that earth-shattering stare of his bright eyes. Henry leaned down to my ear and whispered " And princess just one more thing...I am sure in no time you will beg me to let me sleep you in my bed" Oh holy mother...what the fuck was going on here....

Tbc

#henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill story #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fluff #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x female reader #henry cavill x y/n #henry cavill #the witcher fanfiction

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ijenoyou · 4 years ago

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It’s you again. one.

bucky barnes x stark!reader.

summary; when Bucky sees you again a few months after the blip he can’t help but remember his past lover.

warnings; spoilers from the serie hehe prob angst & fluff ig lol mentions of tony’s death

notes; soooo it’s been a while since i’ve written something sooo this might suck ass lol anyways remember english isn’t my first language sooo yeah enjoy :D

You were too tired to keep your eyes open, your body kept on swaying until you finally gave up making your head land on Bucky’s shoulder. His conversation with Sam getting interrupted when he felt your arms hug his metal arm.

Sharon had a smirk on her face and decided to start getting prepared for a meeting she had. “I have stuff to do so why don’t you guys enjoy the party? And don’t cause any trouble.” She said before leaving the room.

Sam stood up and began walking towards the door with Zemo following him. “You coming?” He asked his new partner.

“Uh, yeah, just let me lay her down.” Bucky answered and took your head carefully, guiding your body to lay properly on the couch, you were still holding onto his arm so he took one of the matching cushions of the couch and gave it to you so your arms could let go of his.

He took his jacket off and decided to cover you with it, making sure your back and arms were under it. He softly smiled and placed a piece of hair behind your ear so it wouldn’t tickle your face.

After that he turned around and saw both Sam and Zemo looking at him a subtle smirk. “What?”

“I’ve never seen you being so gentle.” He mocked gaining a groan from Bucky. “What’s up with that? Since the whole mission started you have been acting weird, is it because of Stark?”

“Depends on which one you’re talking about.” Bucky took one last glance at your sleeping figure.

“Her.”

Sighing, Bucky massaged his temple. “I need a drink first.”

*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡*･ﾟ｡

Back on Zemo’s private jet you decided to give everyone the cold shoulder, angry at them for leaving you without saying anything or at least leaving a note. You could’ve helped them with the hundreds of mercenaries that attacked them. Zemo placed a plate with food on it in front of you and gave you a small smile, trying to make you feel at ease.

Walking down the street with Zemo like nothings wrong made you feel on edge. Thinking that maybe the new copy of Steve would appear and make things harder but you kept on wishing that it wouldn’t be the case. Zemo lead the group to a unknown building.

“I’m gonna go on a walk.” Bucky said out of nowhere.

“Take Y/N with you, don’t what could happen.” Sam said and took your shoulder.

You rolled your eyes. “Sam, he can take care of himself.” Taking his hand off your shoulder you began walking to the buildings door, leaving everyone behind.

“See you guys in a bit.”

He came back after a few minutes and started talking about how the wakandians are looking for Zemo.

All of this mess made you wonder why were you there in the first place. Sure, you had nothing to do since your father died and also coming back after 5 years, didn’t help at all. But maybe you were there because Sam called, he was the only one who tried to search for you when you decided to disappear.

“Your TT would be proud of you.” Zemo’s voice brought you back into reality after watching their whole conversation and play it on your mind.

“What’s a TT?” You asked with furrowed eyebrows.

“Whatever, we need to get moving.” Sam spoke dismissing the question you made.

You weren’t sure if the plan would work, searching for Donya was harder that you could think of and it definitively made you wonder what could go wrong if anyone from the group made a mistake. And losing your powers didn’t help the situation at all. But that’s a secret. Nobody knows you lost them and the most important thing, nobody knows you’re slowly dying. So maybe that’s one of the reasons you decided to help Sam, doing a last mission until your body gives up. You just hoped you get to finish the mission and not die in the middle of it.

But now, you had to worry about another thing. And that is John Walker, getting himself in things he doesn’t understand nor is involved in. Waiting for Sam next to him wasn’t the best moment in your life, the only thing you could do was stare at him with dislike written on your face.

Feelings like your skins burned you decided to start rubbing the sides of your neck and Bucky didn’t let that pass through blind eyes.

“Are you okay?” Bucky asks with a bit of concern filling his voice.

“Uh, yeah.” You cleared your throat. “I’m probably getting sick, don’t worry.”

Before Bucky could say anything else, Walker decided to put the mission on risk and walk inside the building Sam and Karli were having a conversation. You extended your hand to hold John by the shoulder.

“Why don’t you go and take a seat? You’re going to ruin the plan if you walk inside.” You spoke, trying to hold in the pain and burning under your skin.

John pushed you and entered the building.

And just like that, the whole situation became a mess. Ruining and shouting, the only thing you had become used to in these days.

The Dora Milaje were now your only solution. And they definitely know how to make a good entrance.

“Why don’t you relax pal?” You said to John before he gets himself hurt by the Dora Milaje, but it was too late, he placed his hand on Ayo’s shoulder. Big mistake.

You decided to sit back and watch them fight, you and Zemo exchanged looks, you gave him a nod, letting him go to the bathroom and possibly run away.

“I told you to relax, it’s what you deserve for being an ass.” You spoke with mock towards John.

Before the Dora Milaje could leave, Ayo turned her head to you and extended her hand, which was holding a stick, just like the ones the Dora Milaje use but it looked different.

“Here, Shuri told me to give it to you.” You took it and placed on your back.

Now it was only Sam, Bucky and you.

You were too tired to keep going, there’s was no point in being there without powers, you could barely fight and it made you angry. But what made you feel even worse is that you didn’t know what was causing it and seeing your body fill in with different colored lines brought back some bad memories.

Tony was well-know for not sharing his feelings or thoughts. And that made it harder for you to help him. Being at a young age didn’t matter, you did understand what was happening to him, slowly dying by the toxins coming from his reactor.

Seeing the lines in his neck will always haunt you for the rest of your life. The worst part of it is that you couldn’t tell anyone about it, he made you promise not to tell Pepper or Happy and that also caused you some trauma. He made you believe you couldn’t vent out your problems to your family or friends. You didn’t have anyone. Not even Pepper. You decided not to bother her or Morgan with the “My adoptive dad died and I have no one else” act. So it was really hard to say anything to Bucky or Sam, you didn’t want them to know that your body is not the same since you fought against Thanos.

“Go to Sarah’s, I’ll tell her to receive you back at home, okay?” Sam took both of your shoulders. “You don’t look so well, let Buck and I finish this and then call me when you feel better.”

You nodded and decided to leave immediately. Before you could go, Bucky took your arm, grabbing your attention.

“Be careful, if something happens call me immediately.” He said in a serious tone. You pushed his hand off you and muttered a small yes.

Bucky’s eyes didn’t leave your figure until it disappeared behind doors. Sighing he took a seat on the coach.

“I think it’s time for you to tell me what’s happening between you and Y/N.” Sam demanded while crossing his arms.

Nodding, Bucky tapped the seat next to him, indicating Sam to sit there so he could start speaking.

“I’ve known her even before the mess at the airport started.” Bucky started to slowly speak. “Or at least her face.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N, she looks like someone I used to know back in the 40s, her name was Sophia.” He explained with clear pain showing in his eyes. “Sophia and I met while I was preparing to become a soldier, she was a nurse back then.”

“What happened to her?” Sam asked with wonder running in his mind. He wanted to ask more questions about this person.

“Died of old age. I fell in love with her, but never saw Sophie again, after Steve rescued me I tried searching for her but nobody knew what happened to her and just decided not to tell anyone about it.”

“Not even Steve?”

Bucky shook his head and sighed. “When I saw Y/N back at the airport I thought my mind was playing games with me and that’s why I never touched her when Y/N and Tony decided to go against Steve and I.”

Sam patted his friends back, trying to bring him some kind of comfort but it didn’t help.

“And I’m just frustrated because I don’t know why she looks like Sophie, I asked the wakandians if they could find any information about Sophie and they found about her family, she had two kids and one of them had a girl.” Bucky bit his lips, trying to see if he could continue the story.

“You don’t have to tell me everything Buck, if it’s hard for you then you ca—“

Bucky’s voice interrupted him. “It’s fine. You see, everyone knows Tony adopted her, so it felt like there only was one answer. She had to be the daughter of Sophie’s children but then it was another death end. I recently found out that she’s not from Sophie’s family. It’s just fate I guess.”

“Maybe the destiny is giving you another chance to be with her.” Sam tried to give a good answer to him after what he said.

“I don’t think so but if it is that way, then I don’t deserve it”

#bucky x y/n #bucky x female reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x stark!reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes angst #winter soldier x reader #marvel scenarios #mcu fanfiction #mcu x reader

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masterthespianduchovny · 3 years ago

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I’m going to be honest: I dislike Nate right now.

And that’s perfectly fine.

I understand that this show loves to redeem people, however, as I said in another post, you can only redeem someone if there are negative feelings and/or you believe that person wronged someone or whatever. If you have positive feelings and excuse what they did, what exactly are they being redeemed for?

Despite loving Rebecca’s character, when I rewatch season one, I don’t like her at times. I dislike a lot of what she did back then. It doesn’t matter that I know she tells the truth eventually, the stuff she did was still fucked up. I’m not going to preemptively excuse her actions because I know the end goal.

Take Jamie for instance, his behavior was not okay. We know why he behaves that way, but it still wasn’t justified. We are still allowed to dislike him and what he did then. We talk about the negative effects of the bullying Nate received from the players, yet some try to excuse Nate’s bullying and his actions?

Wrong is wrong. Jamie being verbally abused by his dad didn’t justify how he treated others just like how Nate’s father (and bullying by others) is emotionally abusive doesn’t justify Nate’s behavior.

Although we understand the context, Nate IS being a fucking backstabbing asshole right now. Some may hate to hear that, but this isn’t an unfair opinion or unflattering light of him. This is exactly how he’s behaving.

There are some who has a ton of sympathy for Nate, but I’m not one of them. Please believe, I do hold some sympathy for him, but I have a limit.

So here’s reasons why Nate is on my shitlist and I’ll wait until he’s actually redeemed to forgive him.

1. Calling Rebecca a shrew. It’s not the fact that he literally called Rebecca this, but that he immediately verbally attacked the woman. We can say, “oh no, she’s the owner so he had reasons to think…”

No, Nate literally attacked Rebecca for no reason at all. She had little to no interaction with him and has never disrespected or harmed him in anyway, yet he has these intense feelings of dislike in the moment based off what exactly?

Nate attacked Rebecca because she is a woman. If you disagree, what other reason it might be? The reason I believe it was due to her gender is because she’s been defanged so to speak. So he doesn’t fear her like he used to. But Nate also practices in casual misogyny ie his shoe remark to Rebecca and Keeley. That may not seem like a big thing, but how is that an involuntary response??? With him believing he got fired, he doesn’t wait for answers, he immediately attacks her. And I had to ask myself, would he have done this with a man? With someone like Rupert? No fucking way. Nate can’t even directly challenge Ted who is a ray of sunshine, but attacks someone who he literally ran away from in fear in the pilot. Although Nate respects power, he respects male power the most. He skipped over Ted and Beard and went straight towards Rebecca. The fact that this even happened has always been disturbing to me. And Nate is fucking lucky that he hasn’t said any of his comments to old Rebecca (not age, but personality. 🥺) because she would have fired him. Only due to her relationship with Ted and him getting to let her guard down and find her old self that she frowned and shrugged Nate’s comments off. Most bosses at the very least would’ve talked to Nate and he didn’t get even that.

2. Projecting his daddy issues onto Ted. I understand that nate is going through some tough shit and has been for literally decades, however, that doesn’t mean make someone your stand in dad because they were nice and kind. Ted treats Nate like he does the other coaches, but Nate wants a special and unique relationship that will never exist. Ted is not his father and he didn’t ask for the job or the responsibilities.

I understand that people go through shit and latch onto those who made the rough times easier. I get that. However, all this animosity, scheming, and resentment because Ted isn’t giving the attention he wants. That fucking unfair to Ted. He didn’t ask or sign up to be Nate’s father figure. Yet he’s being punished for not being something he never wanted to be. Never even thought about it.

And because I’ve seen/partially experienced this shit, people getting mad at you for not being who they projected onto, it makes me upset at Nate. Because people like this really do become resentful and manipulative and that is not okay despite their own hurt that they’re dealing with. Why does the person you projected on have to suffer for something they’re unaware of and have no obligation to fulfill?

Nate isn’t just trying to blow up Ted’s professional career, he’s doing it via one of the cruelest ways: using his mental health against him. Thereby exploiting Ted’s trust in him.

Ted has literally changed Nate’s life for the better and rather than have a man to man talk with him, he cowardly tries to sabotage Ted in one of the worst ways imaginable.

3. His cognitive dissonance about how coaching works!!!

This seriously irritates me because, on some level, Nate knows that the very system he’s criticizing is how it works across ALL team sports and with reason.

He wants to be a damn head coach soooo bad—does he think ideas, plans, plays, etc only comes from head coaches???

What does he think assistants are there for?

For those who aren’t familiar with sports and coaching, literally every team sport has a head coach and then assistants under them. These assistant typically specialize in a given thing.

In American football, I believe there are like defensive coaches, strength and conditioning coaches, etc. there are coaches who watch a lot of tapes to learn the opposition and how to make plays to hold them exploit their weakness and tailor plays around that.

Like on the professional level there are so many types of coaches and, hell, not all of them want to be head coaches. Some of the greatest coaching minds aren’t head coaches.

For example, the American basketball team the Chicago bulls fired their coach Doug Collins in like 1989, I think. He was a good coach, but one of his assistant coaches had a basketball IQ out of this world. Doug refused to listen to him, but management fully supported this assistant coach. Now the other assistant coach they were grooming to take over, Phil Jackson, if you’ve heard of him, DID listen to this basketball genius. So much so that when he became head coach after Doug was fired, he continued to implement The Triangle offense that came from this basketball genius, which Phil was known for until he retired.

Nate’s upset that Ted gets all the credit for if they win, he does realize that Ted also gets all the blame for if they lose. Ted has always highlighted his coaching staff and everyone who helped him. He has always stressed that he wouldn’t be where he is without them. And when he loses, he takes full ownership. He doesn’t pass the blame at all.

Does Nate seem like someone who’d take ownership for losing?

Does Nate seem like someone, at this moment, who’d appropriately give credit to assistant or anyone else who helped him?

Would he even listen?

What makes Ted a great coach is that he gives others opportunities to step up to the plate and if/when they succeed, he allows them to shine.

Ted sees the fuller picture, for the most part, and knows how to address his weaknesses and who’s stronger than him in what area. He realized that the team needed a presence like Roy on the team. He knew he needed someone like beard who could absorb insane amounts of knowledge. He saw that Nate had potential coaching ability.

But Nate doesn’t understand the importance or value of this. He also doesn’t understand how instrumental Ted’s philosophy has been in transforming the culture of the team. That this is also a reason why the team is playing better.

So like, yeah, I’ll forgive Nate when he’s redeemed. But these three things are what really irks me about him. Just because I understand why he is acting this way doesn’t mean I have to excuse it when he’s being a dick to others, complaining about shit only due to his ego, and doing fucked up shit like leaking someone’s mental health struggles so he can gain an advantage over them.

Does he think that if Ted leaves/gets fired that he’s getting the job??? I mean hopefully whatever he has going on with Rupert works out (before it inevitably goes wrong) because this isn’t going to turn out how he thinks it will.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #Nate Shelley #I wonder if Rupert is trying to get Richmond back and has some big master plan #I do not want that to happen of course #but what is he planning #probably trying to steal Nate away #and if that’s the case #good riddance #lol #Nate can come back once he calms down and gets himself together

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sup-hoes-its-me · 4 years ago

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Skinny Love II (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: second part to skinny love. This is all angst. Very sad. I just watched the pain arc again and had to write something about Kakashi and what happens. Im guessing this could be tagged for spoilers but Naruto is old soooo.

Word count: 5000

“I’m just saying, maybe the second novel is better than the first. You’re free to have your own opinion, that’s just what I think.”

“Well, you’re wrong.”

“Whatever you say,” Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes at the masked man sitting in front of her. She was sipping on a hot bowl of broth after coming home from her most recent mission. It was a nice day out, and she thought it would be a good idea to go out and get something to eat with her favorite shinobi. He was dangerously possessive over his romance novels, and felt immense embarrassment when Y/N decided to pick them up as well.

For a week after finishing the series, she mocked him for liking the gushy, mushy romance that lied on the pages, not to mention the more inappropriate chapters that left nothing to the imagination. Master Jiraiya wasn’t kidding when he said he was doing “research” at the bath house.

“We should go out more often,” he commented, “It’s nice to relax with all this Akatsuki business going on.”

“Definitely. We used to go out like this all the time before you started training those kids,” she hummed. It was true. They had normal outings at that point in time, as the only thing they did was go on missions and then chill at home until the next outing. After Naruto and Sasuke revealed their unique personalities, and got themselves into some sticky situations, the times changed and they spent much more time apart than before. “Not to mention going out with you gives me an excuse to eat whatever I want.”

He nodded in reply, his eyes trailing down to his novel once again which he was skimming over. She didn’t mind him reading at the table. What was he supposed to do? Eat? There was no way he would take off the mask. He was content just giving her company.

His reading gave Y/N an excuse to admire him. Her eyes would lift from the table every time he looked down at the pages, and she would take in all his features. She swore, he was one of the most handsome men she’d ever met, even with the mask. Without a mask, he probably resembled a god. It was nice to just watch as he relaxed into his novel, enjoying himself without any cares in the world.

She liked to talk to him even more. He always knew the right thing to say to make her feel important and wanted, even on her worst of days, he was there to make it better. He was brave and strong, but kind and gentle when need be. His soft words in the late nights they hung out, or his concern when she injured herself, or the happiness the times she made him laugh. Each moment meant so much more to her than he realized.

It was evident to everyone that she had an attachment to him. What kind exactly was the complicated part. While they had been friends for quite a long time, she felt like he was more than just a normal friend or even a best friend. He felt more like a partner than anything, whether it be partner-in-crime or partner-in-love. She loved him with every bone in her body, more than she loved her comrades or her friends, she cared for him like she would a lover.

Maybe it was because she was so shy that she couldn’t tell him how she felt after all this time. Maybe it was fear of rejection. Maybe it was fear of death. She wasn’t sure what held her back from confessing her love to him, spilling all those words she kept under lock and key. She wanted there to be something more, but he’d never let on that he cared for her that way, and surely he would have said something if he did feel that way. It just seemed impossible.

But not to the ordinary person.

People had mentioned in passing to Kakashi that he acted like a lovesick teenager when he was around the woman. She was just so perfect, how could he do anything but adore her. To him, she was one of the only people that truly mattered as more than a fellow shinobi or comrade.

There was no reason to rush it though. If she truly wanted a relationship with him, she would tell him eventually. He wasn’t one to go around throwing out love confessions first. He would wait until she was comfortable and ready. Until then, he would admire her from a distance, through friendly touches and smiles, and dreamy looks when the other wasn’t watching. To him, that was enough.

This lunch outing was the perfect time to waste some hours with her just talking and reading in the others company. The day almost felt too good to be true.

And it was.

First there was the explosion, followed by the screams. Oh, those screams would haunt Y/N’s dreams. Villagers who she’d known growing up screaming in pain. Quickly, she jumped to her feet as did the copy nin. Their eyes frantically looked through the doorway of the restaurant, but there wasn’t anything on their particular street, just dust from the explosion floating down in thick clouds.

“Someone’s attacked the village. Shit,” he cursed under her breath.

They would have to go out there and fight, they both knew that very well. Fight who, they didn’t know, but Y/N could sense that the same foreign chakra signature was coming at her from multiple directions in the village. That couldn’t be good. It was probably that Akatsuki member that everyone was talking about. Pain. Pain with the rinnegan. How could the leaf compete against something as strong as that dojutsu?

“Everybody out! You know the evacuation route,” Y/N called out to the civilians in the restaurant, as she swallowed her panic. She made a move to usher the people from the store so they could run in the direction of refuge.

This wasn’t a normal battle. These intruders were a completely different breed than the ones they were used to fighting. She could feel the impending doom start to blanket around her body, and she took a deep breath. How could this happen? Was Pain here to take Naruto? Naruto wasn’t even in the village, how could that be? Was it the Akatsuki making a big statement attacking one of the five great villages?

There was just something off. She could feel it. Today was going to be one of the worst days, worse than anything else they’d experienced.

“Y/N, let’s go.”

“Kakashi…” she trailed off, not taking a step forward just yet. Was there something she needed to get off her chest before they rushed into a battle with an outcome unknown? As she met his frantic, panicked eyes with her own, she wondered if she should just confess her feelings right then and there, just so he could know before they put their lives on the line.

Never in her life did she think that her or Kakashi might die. It was never a thought that crossed her mind. She assumed she had all the time in the world to gather the courage to tell him. Now it felt like she had run out of time, and they might never get the chance to see each other again. The chakra signatures around them were just too strong to guarantee they would live against their blows. It felt like this was her final chance.

She started again, “Kakashi, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?” he asked, wanting to hurry this along. She could see plainly that this wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t in the right mind to hear her words, or comprehend the meaning behind them. Instead, she lowered her head and sighed.

And so she kept that secret tightly bound deep in her heart.

“Nevermind, it’s not important. Just be safe out there. Make it back to me in one piece, okay?”

“You know I can’t promise that,” he replied, and her heart sank in her chest. He was right. If he died, he died. If she died, she died. Nothing could stop fate from doing its dirty work.

“Just promise me. Give me some confidence before we jump into this mess. I-I can’t do this without you promising me you’ll live!” She cried, passion and fear dripping off her words. She had her eyes shut tightly at this point, just trying to keep herself from letting the potential tears gather in her eyes. Her fists clenched by her side as well. “Just say something!”

He nodded, thinking of the right words to say. “I promise I’ll make it back to you, Y/N. Now promise you’ll live. For me,” he demanded, lifting her head to face him. His fingers were strong against her cheek, firm when faced with danger. He wanted her to live, but knowing that Pain killed Jiraiya was enough to make him worry and plan for the worst.

Why was he even asking? He knew that words meant nothing. That most promises were just bound to be empty.

Just this one time, he prayed that she’d keep it.

“I promise.”

“Now let’s go. I’ll take this side, and you go that way. Sounds like explosions came from both directions.”

“Got it.”

There was no room for goodbyes.

After that, they went their separate ways. Y/N had to keep herself from losing control. Everything was going to be okay. She was worrying far too much. Kakashi was strong. Stronger than anyone else she knew really. He couldn’t be taken down by some terrorists. It wasn’t an option.

As long as she could sense his chakra lingering in the distance, she would know.

__________

It was painful, the wound that tore through her thigh. Blood dripped thickly from the cut, but she continued to fight. In this situation, there was nothing else to do, nothing more to fight for than the safety of the village and the people within it. Y/N has never seen a villain this bad, someone so dead set on killing and tormenting that it brought the shinobi of the village to their knees. Yet, here he was, this orange haired creature who popped up at multiple points of their city, each with a different signature move yet a similar chakra pattern.

Y/N knew she couldn’t break down just yet, not after seeing comrade after comrade fall to the ground and lose their lives to the cause. She had to keep going for them. For her friends and her family who died. She was never the most talented at fighting, she was more of a sensory type, stay on the inside and study type of kunoichi. But not today. No one had that luxury today.

Constantly, she could feel the loss of the ninja alongside her, their chakra signatures melting into nothing as blasts continued to ravage their village. The fire within their bodies burned for the last time, disappearing into the ashes.

It wasn’t until she was on her knees, face buried in the dirt and rubble did she really feel the pain this man was so desperate to bestow upon the villagers. Kakashi’s chakra had burned out. It was as if her body gave up after that. She couldn’t move, her bones were broken and she couldn’t afford to stand and fall back down once again, believe it that she tried over and over again. Nothing mattered at this point. How could it? She couldn’t feel her best friend’s chakra signature any longer. He was dead.

Her crying into the dirt was the only thing that signalled another shinobi to come and help her to the infirmary. Someone she barely knew had picked her up by the arm and hoisted it over his shoulder, dragging her by his side to the hospital where the medical nin were no doubt working harder than ever. Her whole body felt like it was caked in bloody crimson mud, dust up her nose and muk between her teeth.

Everything just made her cry harder and harder until she felt she was gasping to breathe.

The harsh lights in the building did nothing but sting her eyes, and the dozens of medical nin rushing around those lying on the floor overwhelmed her.

Sakura stood at the front of all the mess, and her eyes immediately caught onto Y/N and her rescuer. “Y/N-sensei, what happened to you?” she cried, rushing over with her frantic hands hovering over the state of the broken woman as she scanned for the wounds. This only caused more sobbing.

“One second she was fine, the next she was lying in the dirt screaming. I don’t know,” the man said, handing her off to the pink haired girl. “She’s got broken legs, I know that.”

“Thank you for bringing her,” she mumbled as she brought her sensei over to an empty cot, sitting her down on the cloth and beginning the healing process on the worst part of her leg where the bone was exposed. She was shaking so badly it was almost hard to concentrate on her work. She’d never seen Y/N so hopeless and lost. She was strong, she never faltered in the face of danger. It worried Sakura, no doubt.

“Sensei, what happened?”

“It’s Kakashi,” the woman croaked between her harsh breaths. “I-I can’t feel his chakra anymore.” Tears ran down her cheeks furiously, dripping from her chin into her lap. She felt the hopelessness overtake her entire person, the only thing left being complete and utter fear. Her chest heaved, desperate for the next gulp of air into her lungs.

Sakura nearly faltered at the words. Kakashi sensei, dead? How could that be? He was one of the strongest shinobi they knew. He would never fall victim to a villain, would he? From the sounds of Y/N’s heartbroken cries, the medical nin knew that it was over. That another life had been stolen from them.

Kakashi was Y/N’s heart and soul. She loved him for years and planned to love him for many more. Everyone knew that. Kakashi and her may have never acknowledged their feelings before his death, but the skinny love lingered in the air every time they were around each other.

The longing looks when they passed each other in the street. The pain they felt when the other was hurt. The smiles they shared when something good happened in their no-good shinobi lives. They were more than willing to lay their lives on the line for the other, more than just a comrade, more than a friend.

Her passion for Kakashi was the only good thing she had to come home to after missions. His face was the one thing she wanted to see after a bad day. His stupid face as he read his perverted novels, that grin that she positively adored.

All of that was gone, and her heart couldn’t take it. The pain from her injuries sat in the back of her mind, the only thing she could focus on was the loss. Knowing she would never see him again, never hear his voice. If only she could hear him laugh one more time. It was impossible, but she wished to the heavens above for mercy.

Sadly, no one was there to listen.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Sakura whispered, not knowing what else to say. What could she say?

“I need him. I can’t do this without him,” she sobbed, her hands shaking by her side, having to clench her fists just to stop the tremors. “Sakura, it’s been 15 years. I...I don’t know a life without him.”

Her heart broke at the words. It was true. She didn’t know life anymore without Kakashi. They’d been friends and comrades for so long that it seemed like that was all she knew. How can you come back from that? Sakura didn’t know. She might be able to heal the woman’s legs, but there was no way she could begin to heal such a broken heart.

“It’s okay. You have plenty of others. You have Gai and Kurenai and-”

“Fuck everyone else. You know they can’t replace him,” she snapped. “No one can replace him.”

Sakura could only nod solemnly. They could lie all day and pretend that Gai would somehow swoop in and make up for that gaping hole in her heart. They could lie and say that Kurenai and her child would fill Y/N with a happiness she felt with Kakashi. Yes, they could certainly lie about it all.

At the end of the day though, her pain would be unrivalled. Losing the one man you’ve loved from the moon and back. It would take an entire army and then some to combat such a struggle.

When Sakura was done healing the woman, she handed her a roll of bandages from her pocket. “I’ve got to tend to others. Wrap this around your calf and then stay here to rest. Please, just rest yourself, sensei. You’ll heal faster that way.” Y/N took the bandages and nodded her head weakly, shaky hands going to wrap her bare and burned calf with the medical bandages.

Her mind still centered around Kakashi. She found herself curling up into a ball on the little bench she was sat at, hugging her knees close to her chest. She just cried. Right now, she couldn’t do anything else.

Just cry.

________

The village was in complete and utter ruin. Y/N lay painfully utop a mountain of rubble, blood oozing from the back of her head and from her already injured leg. Pain’s final attack, one that completely demolished the village...it spared her life.

How could things get any fucking worse?

She felt like the Gods were being especially cruel to her on this day. Especially cruel to every single person in the village, but they kept Y/N alive for their own personal amusement, laughing at her loss and her pain and her frustration.

Despite Lady Tsunade sending out Katsuyu to protect the villagers, Y/N only seemed to be in worse shape than before. She could feel the slug on her shoulder slowly healing her, but it wasn’t much compared to the pain and the numerous injuries.

Y/N rolled onto her side and groaned, pain shooting up her spine and giving her a brain-shattering headache. When she went to cough on something thick and slimy in her throat, what splattered on the ground was red. Maybe she was just meant to die slow and painfully.

It was better this way, she decided. Nothing could make this day worth it. Nothing. The pain was unbearable.

“Y/N? Is that you?” a feminine voice called from a little while away, and the woman cursed, spitting up more blood as she did so. Sakura climbed through some of the rubble to approach her. Her hands hovered over the woman’s broken body, scanning over all her wounds.

Naruto was down there fighting Pain. Everything was going to be okay as long as they had faith in the Uzumaki. Sakura could focus a bit of her energy on healing her sensei. There was nothing else to do except watch the fight below them, in the center of the wasteland that used to be the Hidden Leaf.

She began the healing process, medical chakra flowing into the woman’s chest wounds, the most critical of all. “Sakura…”

“What is it, Y/N?”

“What’s happening? Is everyone dead?”

“No, everyone is alive. Lady Tsunade sent out Katsuyu to protect everyone. It seems that you were injured before your healing slug could get to you. Thankfully, you have both of us to fix you up,” she muttered. Y/N would have been blind to not notice the way Sakura stared past her deeper into the wreckage as she spoke.

“What do you see?” she asked quietly, as loud as her body could muster.

“It’s Naruto. He’s out there fighting Pain alone,” she said, “He-he’s gotten so much stronger.”

The older woman smiled through her pain, shutting her eyes and letting a soft sigh leave her lips. She hadn’t anticipated Naruto to come saving the day, in fact, it seemed more likely that Pain would kill everyone and leave the village in ruin. Fortunately, Kakashi’s student, the one that people had underestimated for so long, was out there doing what the rest of them couldn’t.

A hero. No matter if he won or not, these are the actions of a hero.

“It’s his destiny: to save this village,” she whispered. “Jiraiya once said so.”

“Let’s hope he was right.”

Together they lay there in the middle of ruin while Naruto battled Pain. They watched as the two men launched themselves away from the village into the woods, the nine tailed fox coming to life far away from where they huddled together. The village was safe from direct harm at this point and the two women let down their guard just a little bit. Down in the middle of the pit some of the students started to gather, including a heavily injured Hinata.

“Help me down there, Sakura. I need to see Gai,” she said, louder than before. After all that time healing, she found herself strong enough to prop up on her elbows and gaze into the destruction.

Once down there, Sakura was quick to start healing Hinata, fearing that the girl had taken too much damage to handle. After all, she charged against Pain, the supposedly leader of this terrorist attack. All of that to help out young Naruto. Y/N felt like she was staring at an image of herself for a moment. A young woman ready to sacrifice it all for the sake of the man she loved.

As her eyes moved around the area, she caught onto the bright green outfit of her long time friend. His eyes caught hers for a moment and quickly, he rushed over to her side. She collapsed onto her knees, wincing at the pain that ran through her body as she did so. She found herself still a bit too weak to stand.

“Y/N, you’re alive,” he gasped. He knelt on the ground beside her and placed a firm hand on her shoulder, steadying her shaky form. “Your injuries-”

“Forget about that, Gai,” she mumbled. “Something terrible has happened.” He couldn’t imagine what she had to say could be any worse than the destruction of the entire village. But he nodded and sat there listening as she spoke her words carefully, painfully with each syllable that left her lips. “Kakashi is dead.”

He felt his heart drop in his chest. As he looked at the woman before him, he knew that she wanted nothing more to cry, yet there were no tears. He assumed that she had already cried her fill earlier and could only mourn at this point. He didn’t ask before wrapping her smaller form up in his arms and tugging her to his chest, burying his nose in her hair. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his shoulder, dry sobs causing her entire form to quiver.

In a moment like this one, he just remained still for her. Sit there and be there through this pain. He felt crushed at the thought of his best friend dead, his eternal rival somewhere out there in all that rubble fatally injured. Gai had lost a brother that day, and Y/N had lost her one and only lover.

He listened as she hopelessly bawled in the comfort of his arms, feeling every bit of her pain sink into his form. They had gone through battles together before, they grew up teammates and friends, how could they not. They had seen death and pain all their lives. This was on another level, incomprehensible to either of them.

Pure misery. Every emotion seemed to burn in her chest. She wanted to curl up and die herself.

________

It felt like hours went by before the lives were returned. She hadn’t thought much of it when the elderly Toad woke up from his eternal slumber. For a moment, she thought it was just a fluke. That he had never really died in the first place, they just thought he did. But then, she watched as people above the trench started to stand from their resting places on the ground and in the rubble.

That is when she realized that somehow, someway, the lives lost during this terrible battle had been reclaimed. It was only a matter of time before she found out if Kakashi had come back to life as well. She sat there, focusing all her energy into sensing nearby chakra, sorting through hundreds of people for the one she wanted.

Gai had left to help out some of the others, so she just sat there waiting. Waiting for Kakashi to come back to her. Just like he promised.

After all this chaos, she couldn’t imagine keeping her love a secret from him any longer. He needed to know. She wouldn’t let this opportunity go wasted. Y/N was given a second chance at finding love in her friend, and she would be damned if she let that go to waste.

After a while, she began to feel his chakra. At first it was very faint, like he was a mile away hidden underneath rocks and everything else you could imagine. But then it got stronger.

He was alive.

When she saw his form climb down into the pit with the rest of them, his mask torn and only the bottom layer of his clothes still intact, she nearly cried once again. For hours before this, she was prepared to never see him alive again, never see that masked face look down upon hers once more. She had mourned the loss of Kakashi Hatake, only for him to be returned.

It was as if the God’s had listened to her prayers.

“Kakashi!” she exclaimed as she struggled to get herself up from the ground. She knelt on one knee, pushing herself up with the other, desperate to walk over to him. Her body failed her of course, and she fell back onto her butt. He noticed her though, her tiny figure in the crowd of hundreds. She was the one person he wanted to find all along.

He fell onto his knees beside her, his hands coming up to grasp her cheeks with his dusty, calloused hands. She relaxed into his rough fingers, sinking into the warmth that he was sharing. His thumbs slid along her lips and chin, trying to rub away the dirt that was caked in some places. She was a mess, messier than he was. He could only imagine the suffering that she went through as well, to have survived all of that without death as a retreat in the middle.

“Y/N, what happened to you?”

“Pain’s final blow caused some pretty bad wounds, but it’s fine. Sakura healed me enough that I’ll make it through,” she told him. Softly, she lifted her hands to place them over top his, her fingers slowly wrapping around his. “Kakashi, you broke your promise to me.”

“I know.”

She found that the words came out faster than she anticipated. Emotions and feelings being laid out in the open for him to see/ “I-I completely lost myself when I couldn’t feel your chakra anymore. I thought I’d lost you. I couldn’t stop crying, and I was angry at you for breaking your promise to me,” she rambled, “I didn’t know what I was gonna do without you.”

“It’s alright. I’m here now. Whatever Naruto has done saved my life,” he soothed, letting their hands fall into her lap. She wouldn’t let go of his hands even if he wanted them to himself. She was afraid. Afraid that if she let him go once more that he would be gone forever. “And I’m sorry I lied to you. I really shouldn’t have died like that. So irresponsible of me.”

There he was cracking a fucking joke about his own death. She wanted to smack him for being so dimwitted in a moment of vulnerability. Just the thought of being with him again made tears spring up in her eyes, and she shut her eyes to keep them from falling. Happy tears or not, she wasn’t going to cry again.

“I need to tell you what I was too afraid to say before. What I wanted to say before we went our separate ways,” she confessed, her breaths coming out harsh and rushed. Once again, she gripped his hands tighter in hers.

After taking a couple breaths, she lifted her eyes to meet his, mouth just agape. He really was all she could ever need. This moment wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t ideal, but it was just right for what she needed to say. “I’ve always loved you, Kakashi.”

“Y/N-”

“Listen, I know it’s not exactly an appropriate time to be confessing my love to you and all, but I couldn’t risk another day going by without telling you.”

“I love you, too.”

And silence.

There wasn’t anything else to say. The love was mutual, it had been all this time. They just took their time getting around to admitting it, to just hear those words leave the other’s lips for the first time. There were no butterflies in her stomach nor did her heart race in her chest at his confession.

She could only feel comfort in the umbrella they’d created for themselves, the outside world lost to the both of them.

In a flash, she lurched forward to wrap her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face deep into his neck. “Don’t die ever again, Hatake, or I’ll kick your ass,” she laughed, the sound of her laugh reaching his ear. He held her to his chest and sighed.

“No promises.”

Despite what happened that day, he felt comfortable. For the first time, in a very long time, he felt relief wash over him. Everything was going to be okay.

“Kakashi!”

Requests Are Open!

#kakashi x reader #kakashi imagine #kakashi oneshot #kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake x reader #naruto x reader #naruto one shot #naruto imagines #naruto #naruto shippuden #one shot #x reader #writing #hope you guys like this one ill be back with either a new kakashi fic or a shikamaru fic soon

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typemoonconfessions · 4 years ago

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Mod Lolly: ALRIGHT *rips off shirt* HERE WE GO

so first off, “he’s such a godawful asshole” exactly. Insert persona 5 that’s the best part meme here. He is arrogant. He’s evil. He’s the literal worst. You just want to punch him. Beautiful. All positives. Villains are incredibly sexy.

look how smug and diabolical he is!!!

flawless, literally doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him. thinks he owns the place. bitch. look at the muscles of his neck and his tiddy peaking through under his shirt!!!! slut!!! whore!!! (affectionate)

^^^^^^^ THIS POSE!!!! THIS POSE RIGHT HERE! LITERALLY THE SEXIEST THING ANYONE CAN EVER DO!!! he’s powerful and he knows it. his arrogance is actually backed up by something.

YOU ARE SO EVIL. I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE AND THEN KISS YOU YOU STUPID BASTARD.

and that just makes it even more satisfying when he finally gets his ass handed to him purely because of his own arrogance

HE’S ANGRY!!! HE CAN’T BELIEVE HE WOULD LOSE TO SOMEONE WEAKER THAN HIM BUT HE DID BECAUSE HE’S AN IDIOT!!!

the hottest thing in the world is a character who thinks they’re above everything and never showing weakness then suddenly being in a position where they’re forced to show weakness and are no longer in control. vulnerability in a character that seems above it!!! hubris babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Ok so that’s what makes gil hot as a villain. but despite appearances archer gil is not always a villain. or at least, not 100% evil 100% of the time.

hollow ataraxia, emiya gohan, and strange fake all show that gil is actually really soft and patient towards kids (you know when they’re not being used as fuel for his mana). the local fuyuki kids love hanging out with him. he’s fun to be around! he lets them play with the stuff he buys. the kids even tease him about not knowing what’s cool and popular just like the kids in uruk do to casgil.

when gil said in zero he loves entertainment he wasn’t just talking about the kind of stuff kirei is into. he reads shonen jump!! he’s interested in video games! in strange fake he gambles at the casino he’s staying at to pass the time and when he wins all the money the casino has he gives it all back bc he was only doing it for fun

then there’s his whole relationship with enkidu. zero actually mentions enkidu’s death and i will never! forgive! the anime! for cutting it! but thankfully the manga delivers (also i will never forgive the babylonia anime for changing enkidu’s death to being outside in the rain bc it robbed us of the only chance of seeing gil cry be animated but i digress)

and in strange fake we also get to see just how happy he is about getting to see enkidu and fight them again!

then there’s ccc gil, which really opens up his character to a whole new level. technically you could argue that ccc gil isn’t really archer gil bc he has no class there, and it’s more closely a direct incarnation of his soul than forcing him into the mold of a servant class, but he still takes on his archer appearance plus he’s an archer in extella and extella link and he’s basically the same there so we’re going to count it

god where do i start. gil becomes genuinely attached to hakuno over the course of the game. he talks to them about his love of swimming and architecture. he teases them constantly, but in a way that you can genuinely tell he cares. hakuno is the closest anyone ever gets to getting gil to fully open up after enkidu’s death

soooo much is revealed here that puts into context his actions in other installments. a lot of what casgil mentions in babylonia about pushing humanity towards the future and his clairvoyance of what they would achieve and everything, all of that was mentioned here first. it shows why he acts like he’s the most important person in the world. it’s because, in a way, he kind of is. or at least was. even before he became the wise king or even before he met enkidu, he was the reason why the mesopotamian gods declined and why humans in mesopotamia were able to thrive

if it sounds like the line is blurring between archer and casgil here, yeah. that’s kind of the point. you can’t really separate them. they’re way more alike than they are different. they have different priorities but on the basis of the same ideal. that doesn’t mean that archer gil in zero and fsn isn’t evil tho. he absolutely is. or well, it’s more accurate to say that as a being that’s 2/3 god, he sees himself as being above the concepts of good and evil. he genuinely doesn’t believe how he acts is wrong. that’s why his alignment even in the route where he wants to wipe out the majority of the planet is chaotic good. however that’s still obviously an inexcusable goal, and he deserves to get beat up and learns what individual humans are capable of, not just humanity as a whole

i’m gonna leave you with this meme i made about a week ago that pretty much encapsulates everything i’ve said here into one convent format

#i spent like an hour on this #i love him your honor #he's actually one of the most interesting characters nasu has made #it's just that none of his later good characterization made it into fate stay night #but i applaud nasu's ability to retroactively add depth to him there #also anyway even if he wasn't made deep and complex past what he's like in fsn and zero #i would still love him #bc villains are hot #thank you good night #not a confession

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deviliciousdev · 3 years ago

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appreciation post for the types✨

from your local intp🖤

------------------------

✨The Sensors✨

estj (the executive)

Oh the executive, the most organized and loud boss bitch to ever exist. You cut through the bullshit and do not let anything stand in your way. And yet, like you're intuitive counter part (entj) you are quite sensitive if and when something hurts your feelings. Even though you're an expert at being all business during business hours, you still know how to have fun. and omg you have such a dorky sense of humor and love random facts, we love that. you are/can/will be a great leader/parent. All in all you are THEE boss and everyone knows it. keeping leading and kicking ass. 👏🏼

estp (the entrepreneur)

i absolutely adore estp's. you are the epitome of one of my fav character arcs. which is the charismatic rogue, who possibly drinks a lil more than they should, but can handle their liquor like a sailor (amazingly). you never back down from a challenge. you are so fun and wild in a han solo type of way, that just makes everyone want to be around you. but the best thing about you, is the way (deep down & to those you let close know) you are actually such a sweetheart. you would get hit by a bus trying to rush to make sure a friend is ok. you would take a bullet for any of your loved ones and let them cry on your shoulder. you're secretly the white knight but you're happy to let everyone think you're just the brash rogue. you're one of my best friends and someone i will adore with all my heart till the end of time.💕

p.s if you don't have an estp in your life, get one ASAP. they are a necessity for a complete friend group.

istj (the logistician)

oof, yes istj's. so sublet in their charm, and ready to die for what they believe in. i love the istj because you have two of an intp's fav qualities at your core. badassery & humility. you're like this pillar of certainty. even if you are uncertain about something, no one would ever be able to tell. you have a way of decision making that's not loud or overwhelming. which is why intp's love when you plan things. you're also quiet at first, but if you're challenged, you would never let someone walk all over you or something/someone that matters to you. i also love that you're one of the types (alongside infp & entj) that is sooo funny and goofy when you're drunk. like a lil toddler. #adorable

istp (the engineer)

ahhhh, the intp's sensing counter part. istp's fucking rule. truly. you believe in many of the same principles intps do. the main one being, keeping an open mind without fore fitting you're own beliefs. your exterior calm and collected nature makes you cool af. AND you also have such a FANTASTIC sense of sarcastic humor. like yes bitch. i love the way intps are the idealists and istps are the doers. if an istp and intp got together, ooof the world better beware the chaos that would ensue. also you guys have thee COOLEST fictional characters. the first one that always comes to mind is Arya Stark from Game of Thrones. like suchhhhhhh a badass who also roasts literally EVERY single person in that show no matter if it's the fucking leader of the house you're at war with. out of all the types i think you would be the best assassin. to sum up i think the word i always relate to you is... cool. 😎 like plain and simple. 💀🤘🏼

p.s let's be partners in crime. 😁🚨🚓

esfj (the consul)

ok, ok, so first things first, because you are so opposite of the intp, i know we can butt heads sometimes. the main reason this happens is because nt's will see you're want to make others happy as a negative. HOWEVER, as i have gotten to know and respect an esfj as they are a part of my family (irl). i can say that the perceived notion of esfj's wanting to please everyone to get them to like them is a bit misguided. while esfjs DO want everyone to be happy, it's not always about being the popular kid. it's actually because they care about others. AND not just others but like situations. they really care if a party or a dinner is going smoothly. because they want events and people to have an enjoyable time and be happy. so esfj's I SEE YOU. and i genuinely appreciate how much you care about even the smmmmallest things. you are very dependable and high key you've taught me a lot. like how/why it's important to always say please and thank you. and you showed me that having emotions (like being nervous) isn't a weakness and it actually shows us what's important. esfj's are HIGHLY underrated, and much more wise than anyone gives you credit for.

p.s you are so much fun to prank and you always give as good as you get. 🤘🏼

esfp (the entertainer)

holy shit. that's all i can think when i think of the memories we share. we somehow bring out the worst/best in one another. you and infp are the ones i tell first when i get good news because i know you'll hype me the fuck up. we have sooooooooooo much fun together. you are so absolutely awesome and one of my best friends in the whole wide world. if i have a passing random idea, YOU WILL DO IT. i can be like "wouldn't it be funny if someone got on the hood of the car and twerked" and you're hilarious crazy ass will literally jump out of the car and do it. just because it's funny. you can party soooo hard, like rockstar level. you 100% need you're own reality show. your presence makes my introverted self feel more confident even when i'm at my lowest. with all that chaotic-ness said, you are actually a REALLY good parent/s.o?? such a crazy bitch, but also wife material?? like are you real?? anywayyyyy, just wanna say esfp's are the bad bitches of the types (no gender intended, bitches is gender neutral). and i can't wait for our next adventure. 🤩💜

isfj (the defender)

ok so even though you're a feeling type, i would have to say you're the most logical out of ALL the feeling types. i think it comes from you're mama bear (no specific gender intended) core. you don't put up with anyone's shit when it comes to those you care about. and dayummm will you fuck someone up (metaphorically and literally) if they come for your loved ones. you are VERY intelligent and people often underestimate you. the word that comes to mind when i think about isfjs is... resolve. your resolve in the face of hardship is so inspiring and something to be feared. i really love the way you seem so chill and even sweet and gracious and then it's like... oh fuck mamas here... but you don't even have to raise your voice to get your point across. like the istj, you've got a certainty and loyalty that intp's lovvveee. we never have to guess where you're loyalties are, because you don't just say, you show, through real actions. and we love that. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🐻

isfp (the adventurer)

oh the isfp, no one and i mean no one can match the intp's weird out of the box thinking like you. can. you view the world in SUCH a unique way. you not only see things in deep meaningful aesthetics, but you make them a reality. you love to push the envelope of what are perceived social normals. and we lovvvvvvve that shit. you're life can be so out there, but you still respect and can make friends with just about anyone. you're so sweet and creative. and you always show me something sooooo interesting. a hidden gem, a beautiful view spot, a hole in the wall place to eat. you've got that thing that xntp's sort of fall head over heels for, but in a subtle way to where we don't even realize it. and you can make time the illusion it actually is, not even noticing that we've been hanging out for like 12 hours, because it felt like 30 minutes. and omg talk about talented! anything that requires creativity you are always so good at, like wtf?? 😂👏🏼 i will end this by saying; you're simultaneously the most tranquil yet exciting person i've ever met. and truly one of a kind. keep doing exactly what you're doing and i can't wait to see what you come up with next.

p.s you are my top choice, to go to Bali & Tulum with✨🤍☯️

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postmodernmulticoloredcloak · 4 years ago

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So I watched 10.09 recently, and it has that part where Dean tells a story about him basically being almost roofied as a teen, but somehow it ends up framed as the funny joke and yet another proof that John "did what he could", and I kind of hate this? And it's the same episode in which MoC!Dean killed guys that kidnapped and tried to rape Claire, and you'd think writers would've addressed the parallels and acknowledge that Dean could've been triggered by this situation. 1/2

2/2 But in the end, it's never addressed, and the whole situation is framed as the proof that Dean is evil now. And I'm not even sure what I am trying to say, but with that being the show's approach back in s10, I'm not surprised about the finale anymore. Guess we should've known?

That’s an excellent angle to look at the issue because the Mark of Cain arc is a clear example of how people with different experiences will see the same thing in wildly different ways. There’s this phase of season 10 where everyone is like “oh no Dean is Getting Worse” and when you look at what Dean is doing... you actually go “...good for him”.

Let’s give Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s not “the writers” in this case, it’s Dabb. Plenty of other writers don’t fall into this John apologism thing. Just look at how the episode before Lebanon, written by Buckner and Ross Leming, says that sometimes John would temporarily kick Dean out because he was “pissed at him” despite Dean always taking his side to mantain the peace. It almost seems like a statement to sprinkle some salt given what Dabb does in Lebanon, you know? Maybe not, but there is a tension between “John was shitty” writers and “John did his best” writers.

In hindsight, we gave Dabb too much of the benefit of the doubt. We were like, weeell, that’s supposed to be way the characters perceive the truth, which is distorted by the trauma... But now it’s obvious that he truly believed in the John-did-his-best version. He brought him back and got Mary back with him. No matter what happened to the finale, the network didn’t print those pictures of John and Mary to hang on Sam’s wall. He never took Dean’s abuse seriously and it shows.

The “anedocte” of Dean getting drugged and “saved” by John from being raped is obviously there to parallel him with Claire. Which works! It’s so weird because it’s like. You are soooo close to getting the point. Younger Dean was assaulted just like this teenage girl is assaulted and Dean saves her... but apparently John yelling at those people is a good way of dealing with the issue, while murdering child traffickers is an overraction thus bad.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? That Dean’s murder spree is framed as an overreaction. Sam is like “tell me you had to do this! tell me it was you or them!” - the answer to which (by the narrative) is obviously no, it wasn’t self defense, he just killed them because he could. He just murdered those men for no reason except he felt like being murdery. And the audience is supposed to be like “oh no! Dean is murdery for no reason except for murderiness! That’s bad!”.

But it’s a power fantasy, isn’t it? Going on a murder spree on rapists and traffickers. I bet any people who’s been violated like that has fantasized of doing the exact thing Dean does here. Killing them all.

Dean had the physical strength and skill to kill them all, why shouldn’t he kill them? (I mean, in real life I’m against private justice because I’m a fan of the state of law, but the Supernatural universe obviously works on different principles than the state of law. Again, it’s a fictional narrative that plays out as a fantasy for the audience, so.)

So what was Dabb’s intention? I’m afraid it’s the worst one. “John Winchester’s not going to win any Number One Dad awards, you know? But, you know, damn if he wasn’t there when we needed him”. What the fuck, Dabb? It’s been established since season 1 that John WASN’T there when they needed him. Which... I’m afraid... leads us to the Cas-Claire plot in the episode. Cas has fucked off with Jimmy’s body leaving Claire on her own. Parallels how John wasn’t going to win wny Number One Dad awards. But! Cas is there when Claire Really Needs Him i.e. when she’s about to be raped by older men. Parallels how John was there when Dean Really Needed Him i.e. when he was about to be raped by older men.

I think the point is to say, Cas kinda sucked because he took Claire’s dad away but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Claire because he gets there in time to prevent her from being raped. Just like (ew) John kinda sucked as a father because hunting and stuff, but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Dean because he got there in time to prevent him from being raped.

It’s pretty yucky. Literally NOBODY wanted a parallel between Cas and John. But he made one. And he made one to absolve Cas from the guilt he carried for what he did to Claire (Claire’s mother is a mother so who fucking cares about her. She’s basically a Blurry Wife(TM), she’s only a tool for Claire’s arc, Cas apparently only cares about the harm he did the child, not the wife, for some reason.) and to absolve Cas from his guilt it absolves John too. Don’t worry, being a parent is hard. You often screw up. But you can *looks at smudged writing on hand* prevent the kid from being raped by predatory adults and everything’s fine now.

It’s not really important if the child suffered hunger or whatever, the only important thing is that they don’t get raped, because that’s bad, everything else is just a little detail.

All Dabb got with that scene was to paint Sam as extremely unsympathetic because he’s no longer a child, he’s a full adult now and still thinks of that episode at the CBGB as a funny story. That’s not a good look. It almost makes you think that the writer himself saw it as a funny story. Lol teenage boy biting more than he can chew. But then why the Claire parallel? The Claire scene onviously is not supposed to be anything but horrific. I'll give Dabb the benefit of the doubt on this specific thing.

It’s weird, yes, because Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon where he establishes that John was a bad husband/father even before tragedy hit the family. But apparently that’s the “not going to win any Number One Dad awards” part, I suppose? I guess he intended to write John as this flawed, ~complex~ figure who was imperfect but still brave and whatever blah blah did his best blah blah. I’m all for flawed complicated characters but a horrible father is a horrible father. A rose by any other name... parental abuse is still parental abuse even if the poor guy was complicated and traumatized and did what he thought he had to do to prepare his sons for a violent world.

Also, the story frames Dean’s escapade as a teenager being stupid. “You know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.” “It’s my job to raise you right.” This seems straight from a novel about teenagers doing something stupid that they’re too young to realize that their parents are right to be against them doing. But this isn’t just... a parent walking into a bar to stop their child to drink alcohol. Dean literally describes feeling sick from something that was inside the alcohol.

Sure, it makes sense that he’d lash out to John because of the shame and shock. But the scene is... off. Are we supposed to see this as a typical teenage mistake? Are we supposed to read it as something as horrific as what happened to Claire, literally sold into rape? Or, worse, are we supposed to see what happened to Claire as a teenage mistake, ah silly teenager, blindly trusting shady people, no wonder you end up in a situation where you’d get raped if a father figure didn’t sweep in and save you. I hope that wasn’t the intent.

To get back to Dean’s Mark-of-Cain violence, the writers clearly didn’t intend it to come from the Darkness up to a certain point. It was supposed to an arc about your own inner darkness (consider the Charlie episode, a couple episodes later). Then they came up with the idea of The(TM) Darkness, the suppressed cosmic feminine. While it caused a bit of dissonance in the subtext, it doesn’t really change Dean’s narrative, because his inner darkness is the trauma, and his trauma is inherebtly tied to the “feminine” i.e. the parts of him that don’t fit seamlessly into the scheme of toxic masculinity values. That the violence that comes from the Mark of Cain comes from Dean himself and that’s it, or is connected to the Darkness, it doesn’t change what it means for Dean. Dean and Amara have parallel histories, the feminine principle locked away, the trauma the anger stems from.

In 10x09 we’re still in the Before The (TM) Darkness era, before the suppressed cosmic feminine. The Mark of Cain arc is still about... well, Cain. But the shift is the signal that someone looked at Dean’s arc and said... you know what? “Lucifer gave me this curse so now I’m demonic and murdery” is meh. “Toxic masculinity suppresses the feminine and it creates trauma which rage and violence comes from” is more interesting. I don’t know whose idea it was, but it was a good idea, and surely the idea came from seeing how Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding.

Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding in a certain way, in fact, because of a pretty simple reason. There’s a fundamental tension in Dean’s MoC arc. We want him to go murdery, but it’s also our main character, so we don’t want him to do really horrible things because he still needs to be relatable. The audience cannot hate him, so he must NOT do something entirely unforgivable. He still needs to be somewhat relatable, even when demonic or demonic-adjacent.

So he goes on a murder spree... but it’s rapists and child traffickers. He’s demon, but he kills a misogynistic dude that wanted his wife dead for cheating on him. He’s a demon, but beats up dudes that harass women. He does a slaughter, but they’re nazi. He’s off the deep end, but works a case of kidnapped and abused young women...

Speaking of which. 10x23, written by Jeremy Carver. Dean works a case where a girl was killed while dressed scantily and Dean makes some slut-shaming remarks, and we’re supposed to think “whoa Dean, that’s bad”. But later he confronts the girl’s father and what does he say?

I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley.

By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

You shut your face right now.

And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her.

Back then the episode was super controversial and everyone hated the case because of the apparent slut-shaming but I loved it! Because it’s not about the girl. It’s about Dean. Dean doesn’t think that a girl gets killed because she dresses in a miniskirt so it’s her fault. Dean is projecting on himself and he’s not actually victim blaming the girl, he’s victim blaming himself. And when he absolves the girl by putting the blame on the father... well, subtextually he’s absolving himself by putting the blame on his father. On the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervaded his own home. He’s textually not ready to absolve himself, of course, he summons Death to ask him to kill him later, but subtextually he’s on the right path.

Rose McKinley basically did the same mistake Dean did at the CBGB when he trusted some older people who offered him drinks and the same mistake Claire did when she trusted a man who sold her for money because he offered him a place and stability. She trusted the wrong people (in this case, vampires, which adds the whole subtext of vampires and sexuality) who took advantage of her. Except Rose had no one to save her. (Her friend, Crystal, gets rescued by Dean, even if he causes the other hunter Rudy to die in the process.)

Carver’s writing is pretty brutal. The girl made that mistake because was abused at home, so she was desperate for validation and that desperation drove her into the wrong hands. (Rose even has a brother who blames himself for bringing her sister to her future murderers, destructive sibling relationship check.) It doesn’t actually even matter if Dean guessed right about Rose’s family situation, because what matters is what it tells us about Dean. He basically relates to a dead abused girl. Actually all through the season Dean is paralleled to “skanks” “sluts” and sex workers. Obviously this happens kinda all through the show, the whole “the business is based on absent fathers” thing happened much earlier in the story, so it’s not new. But s10 draws a picture of female suffering - abuse, manipulation and death. Season 10 was difficult to go through. In hindsight, it was probably on purpose because it was supposed to be darkest hour of the feminine. Summed with some good old fashioned misogyny, but hey.

The Carver era was wonky but Carver wanted to free the feminine. (I believe that Mary’s comeback, while written by Dabb because of the showrunner shift, was planned before the showrunner shift.) We thought the Dabb era wanted the same, with Mary choosing life and Amara being independent and so on, but it evidently wasn’t the case. Not a single woman arrives at end of the story. It’s hardly ~Bucklemming or ~the network or ~covid because it starts before the very end.

I’m not saying that dead sluts are more feminist than living women, but if the women die or disappear anyway (and they did) I’d rather have an exploration of trauma than nothing. And I definitely prefer a dead slut narrative that calls out parental abuse than a narrative where women live but abuse gets the you-did-your-best treatment.

Whoops! I digressed! But feel free to ask for any clarification or send me any observation or thought.

#anon #my spn thoughts #season 10 #spn 10x09 #spn 10x23 #dean and john #parental abuse #john winchester's a+ parenting #mark of cain #demon dean #spn #i love talking about season 10 uh

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