#the trans GRIEF and the trans JOY in this movie

[shitpostingkats]

I know it's probably been pointed out already, but the fact that music only plays in Nimona when she's transformed/comfortable. All the chase scenes. Her cooking at the lair. The dance party.

The soundtrack is the sound of Nimona being alive.

[makingqueerhistory]

Queer Book Recommendations

Every once in a while I like sharing some queer book recommendations on here as I read a lot and I get requests to share some of the books I love, so here we go! 

Tell Me I'm Worthless: Three years ago, Alice spent one night in an abandoned house with her friends Ila and Hannah. Since then, things have not been going well. Alice is living a haunted existence, selling videos of herself cleaning for money, going to parties she hates, drinking herself to sleep. She hasn’t spoken to Ila since they went into the House. She hasn’t seen Hannah either.

Our Wives Under The Sea: Miri thinks she has got her wife back, when Leah finally returns after a deep sea mission that ended in catastrophe. It soon becomes clear, though, that Leah may have come back wrong. Whatever happened in that vessel, whatever it was they were supposed to be studying before they were stranded on the ocean floor, Leah has carried part of it with her, onto dry land and into their home. 

You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty: Feyi Adekola wants to learn how to be alive again.It’s been five years since the accident that killed the love of her life and she’s almost a new person now—an artist with her own studio, and sharing a brownstone apartment with her ride-or-die best friend, Joy, who insists it’s time for Feyi to ease back into the dating scene. Feyi isn’t ready for anything serious, but a steamy encounter at a rooftop party cascades into a whirlwind summer she could have never imagined: a luxury trip to a tropical island, decadent meals in the glamorous home of a celebrity chef, and a major curator who wants to launch her art career.

Silver Under Nightfall: Remy Pendergast is many things: the only son of the Duke of Valenbonne (though his father might wish otherwise), an elite bounty hunter of rogue vampires, and an outcast among his fellow Reapers. His mother was the subject of gossip even before she eloped with a vampire, giving rise to the rumors that Remy is half-vampire himself. Though the kingdom of Aluria barely tolerates him, Remy’s father has been shaping him into a weapon to fight for the kingdom at any cost.

Disintegrate/Dissociate: In her powerful debut collection of poetry, Arielle Twist unravels the complexities of human relationships after death and metamorphosis. In these spare yet powerful poems, she explores, with both rage and tenderness, the parameters of grief, trauma, displacement, and identity. Weaving together a past made murky by uncertainty and a present which exists in multitudes, Arielle Twist poetically navigates through what it means to be an Indigenous trans woman, discovering the possibilities of a hopeful future and a transcendent, beautiful path to regaining softness. 

The Perks of Loving a Wallflower: As a master of disguise, Thomasina Wynchester can be a polite young lady—or a bawdy old man. She’ll do whatever it takes to solve the cases her family takes on. But when Tommy’s beautiful new client turns out to be the highborn lady she’s secretly smitten with, more than her mission is at stake . . . 

It Came from the Closet: Queer Reflections on Horror: Horror movies hold a complicated space in the hearts of the queer community: historically misogynist, and often homo- and transphobic, the genre has also been inadvertently feminist and open to subversive readings. Common tropes—such as the circumspect and resilient “final girl,” body possession, costumed villains, secret identities, and things that lurk in the closet—spark moments of eerie familiarity and affective connection. Still, viewers often remain tasked with reading themselves into beloved films, seeking out characters and set pieces that speak to, mirror, and parallel the unique ways queerness encounters the world. 

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture: Everything you know about sex and asexuality is (probably) wrong. The notion that everyone wants sex–and that we all have to have it–is false. It’s intertwined with our ideas about capitalism, race, gender, and queerness. And it impacts the most marginalized among us. For asexual folks, it means that ace and A-spec identity is often defined by a queerness that’s not queer enough, seen through a lens of perceived lack: lack of pleasure, connection, joy, maturity, and even humanity.

[dallonwrites]

lover boy - wip (re)intro

How do you navigate love after losing the person you loved the most?

I realised I don't like writing WIP intros where I just list everything super neatly + have a nice official summary so I am just going to infodump!! Lover Boy is an Adult Literary/Historical novel set in the late 1980s that follows a gay man's navigation of love, sexuality, community and grief after losing his best friend to AIDS. It's inspired by my own experiences of grief + caretaking and the dissertation I did on grief in queer AIDS narratives. It follows Beau, my beautiful special boy, and is like patchwork quilt of all of his avenues of love -- romantic, sexual, platonic, familial, communal, self -- that is stitched together with the grief from this one major loss. This is paralleled with chronological flashbacks telling the story of Bobby's illness, and how Beau took care of him.

Beau and Bobby are best friends who were platonically in love with each other, who had to adapt their relationship as Bobby got sicker and Beau became his caretaker, and in the midst of this adversity became closer than ever. Beau is a lover of love in all ways, who thinks the best holidays Halloween and Valentines Day, who loves sex but is bad at not falling in love afterwards, who has a soft heart, who also has a massive crush on George Michael. Bobby loved his life, his friends and going to the club with them, scenic hikes and swimming, his pet snake named Judas, leather and heavy metal and activism and also the Muppets (his fave was Gonzo btw). He was obsessed with volcanoes and wanted to be a volcanologist. And Beau misses him so much!!! He is trying to understand what his life is now after losing such a big part of it. He is trying to understand what kind of love he wants. He also is trying really hard not to fall back in love with his ex boyfriend who is back in the picture. And he is not really doing any of this well!!

Other features of this novel:

Gay + Autistic protagonist who doesn't know he is autistic but his special interest is horror movies and it shows (favourites are anything monstrous + full of bloodsoaked practical effects. Favourite of all time is The Lost Boys). Beau literally looks towards horror movies to try and understand grief and loss

Protagonist is a guy who actively wants to be haunted and is looking for any signs of ghosts

Lesbian + Gay + Bi + Trans + everything solidarity. An honouring of that history. Exploration on how the AIDS crisis shaped and reshaped community and identity because well, I did an entire dissertation on it and I am not putting that to waste!!! It is interesting and important!!

A narrative that is brutally honest about grief and death, and all the ways it is messy and complicated. A narrative that also doesn't always take itself seriously because sadness and joy are always holding hands

Narrative that plays around with form (video transcripts, letters, journal entries, descriptions of art) and POV (past + present tense blended together, third person present that often dips into second)

Exploration of caretaking on a community level and an intimate, one to one level. Look into how love is often all the little ways we help each other hold on.

Exploration of disability and sickness and how it shapes your identity, your relationship with yourself and others, especially when you're young (I also have a novella planned actually exploring this from Bobby's POV, but you didn't hear that from me!!!!)

The idea that grief never gets smaller, just your life grows around it

The idea that you can love your friends!!! You can be in love with them!! And that love is no "lesser" than romantic love, and it is just as beautiful and big and bright. Even when Beau navigates romantic relationships, these aren't put on a pedestal above any other type of love

A golden retriever named Atlas (Beau's own beautiful, special boy)

This is a personal project that I'm not publishing, but it means a lot to me so I will talk about it a lot!!! I've been playing around with it in its current form for about a year now and am finally making a dent in an actual first draft. My want is to share long, in depth pieces about how I navigate writing a story like this somewhere like Substack, and also all the fun of drafting it along the way. Expect infodumps and excerpts!!!

[wildfloweronwheels]

Well. This is not the post I hoped I’d be writing tonight at all. I’m sure I will have more eloquent and involved thoughts in the coming days, but for now, just know like so many of you, I’m devastated by the decision it seems America has made today. A decision that will have echoes in every country across the world. Green lights for the worst of humanity to bulldoze on ahead and leave decency behind. We can talk about what that dystopian reality will look like when we know more details but for now, I think we can all agree even the tamest version of this situation is pretty fucking awful.

I’ve shed more than a few tears today for women and girls. People of colour. Palestinians. Trans people. The LGBTQIA+ community as a whole. My disabled brothers and sisters. Immigrants. Basically everyone who isn’t a white straight ablebodied cisgender hetereosexual man or boy. But to be honest, I’ve shed tears for them too. Because somehow we’ve gotten here. To this place. Where toxicity and hate have been collectively chosen and agreed upon in the privacy of the voting booth, even when every indicator painted a different picture. Again.

My stomach’s been churning with rage and grief and confusion and a bone-deep sense of dread. Not just at this result but also because I have a movie coming out tomorrow and now it feels wrong to celebrate that. It feels tone deaf or otherwise dismissive to be excited when so many are afraid and in mourning.

I keep telling myself he doesn’t get to steal my joy over finally being able to share Audrey with you, especially when the storm is half a world away. But as an empathetic person whose work and life has so far been committed to fighting for a better world in its many forms, it’s a hard feeling to shake.

I guess I’m hoping that even though Audrey is an absurd and pitch black comedy, that it can be there for anyone who might need an escape or a laugh in the coming days. Isn’t that why we make art?

I’m not sure what the next moves are or what we do about where we’ve landed. But I do know that as always - humanity, joy, connectedness and community are our tools of rebellion. Going to see a movie isn’t changing the world but finding light however small is defiant. And right now, no matter where we are, we need all the defiance we can get.

Maybe that starts with going to see a movie, I don’t know. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I refuse to let him steal the well-deserved moment for all of the people who poured their blood, sweat and tears into this film. We’re all extremely proud of it and we hope it means something to you too. The time and place for more nuanced conversation and action will come. Right now, we all need a minute to feel our feelings and escape in whatever ways keep us safe. If Audrey helped you do that I’d be honoured. And then whenever we’re ready, we take a breath and keep trying. Can we have a group hug now please?

[thistlecatfics]

hey, sorry if this is annoying but i just found your works today and fell for them completely. your descriptions of bellatrix made my very old fixations rear their heads again. i was wondering what your current opinions are on jk rowling? i tried to look here but only really found things from before her terf-turn and that’s what i’m really interested in your thoughts on. i’m just curious and will be very grateful if you’d be considerate enough to answer

Hello! Thank you so much! Definitely not annoying and if I ever got an ask I didn't feel like answering I could very easily ignore it or delete it :)

The short answer: fuck jkr. the world will be better off when she dies.

The long answer: Yes, I feel anger towards her (see above lol), but there's also grief there. These books (and the fandom but the root is the books) helped me so much as a kid. I loved them, and it felt like I could be loved back by them. When I did EMDR therapy for my experiences of incest, I used Sirius Black as a resource to help me through one particular thread of memory and one of the themes that came up for me repeatedly during reprocessing is how much fiction and storytelling helped me survive and how grateful I am for storytellers. When I was a kid, if I was asked which celebrity I'd want to meet, I'd always pick her. She was important to me. I'm sad. I'm hurt. It feels genuinely painful to try to reconnect with some of those feelings.

Everyone likes to mock her casual post-canon reveal of Dumbledore as being gay, but that happened exactly as I was starting to come out and actually accept that I was gay, and it genuinely, genuinely mattered to me, and I'm stubbornly resisting the urge to feel embarrassed about my teenage joy and relief now.

(I always say I had some practice with this feeling of betrayal because the other book/book series which was so important to me as a kid was Ender's Game and Orson Scott Card was such an extreme, violent homophobe, but it definitely hurt more with jkr.)

(I recognize I'm gliding over the genuine fatphobia, antisemitism, sexism and racism in her writing and extra-canon world building but I do think the transphobia piece is the central one here - the area where she's doing the most acute and extreme harm.)

The embarrassing longer answer is that I'm arrogant enough that I think I could pull her back to reality (and get her out of that mold infested house) if I was given enough time with her. I'm really patient and really convincing and I have a ton of empathy for women who have experienced extreme patriarchal violence which has shaped their political views - even in a way that disconnects them from reality.

I'm also someone who is put off by how in many progressive spaces there's the dominant view that gender is a playground, not a violent system of power relations, and so I can connect with her on that point enough that I can fantasize about helping connect her to the full humanity of trans people (and also herself because by dehumanizing others we dehumanize ourselves.) (there's a lot to be said about the unique balance of wealth and whiteness and gendered trauma (and social media) as creating a potent dehumanizing force.) BUT I recognize that's just my impulse to fix and rescue and want to recreate this safe adult figure in my life and it's definitely not fucking happening lol.

(I also have a lot of feelings about how the fandom tries to deal with the problem of jkr but this is already plenty long and you only asked about my feelings about her haha.) (but yeah in general I follow the 'no financial support of her - not even a little bit. not even watching the movies on max or purchasing anything that might give her a cent.')

going to finish off with this really beautiful short piece of writing from Chinese Canadian trans woman writer Kai Cheng Thom from her book "Falling Back in Love with Being Human." Her ability to lean into empathy and love is a north star I try to follow.

[chiyeko-kurea]

one of my favorite poems + my analysis

i wanted to share it with you guys:)

(VERY poorly translated, sadly never as good as the original)

« Je vis, je meurs » Louise Labé, Sonnets, 1555

« I live, I die: I drown and I burn,

I endure at once extreme heat and cold;

Life is at once too soft and too hard,

I feel boredom mingled with joys.

At the same time, I laugh and I cry,

And I endure many torments of pleasures,

My fortune fades away, and lasts forever,

At the same time, I wither and I Bloom.

Thus I suffer love’s inconstancies

And when I believe I will suffer more,

Without knowing, I find myself at peace.

Then, when I feel my joy is certain,

And I am on top of what I could wish right now,

Love casts me back into my former grief. »

.

So there’s a few things i would translate differently.

1) I would write « I drown and burn » without the other « I » because in the original poem, the idea conveyed is really that the feeling of drowning constantly is parallel to the one of burning, happening in the same time in the author’s mind while being completely opposite.

The idea of drowning constantly (that I personally really relate to) = therefore maybe also feeling like suffocating/ choking constantly, not being able to breathe and a constant weigh inside the chest.

+ sinking further and further until one day reaching rock bottom -> the idea of giving up on ourselves?

Or you could also interpret the word ‘drowning’ as fighting to stay above water, to gasp for air, being between sanity and trying to stay there because if you give up you will drown into insanity and darkness that is trying to pull you in. With that interpretation you also get the idea of tiredness and eventually having to give up if you know you’re doomed to drown anyway, but you can’t stop trying to survive.

But i think in this case ‘drown’ is more that achingly slow, constant, oppressive feeling of slowly sinking opposed to the complete chaos of burning fire and being actively consumed alive/ having a fire inside ur mind.

2) Second verse is also poorly translated. It would be more like ‘i burn while enduring chilblain’ which is completely different from the original verse but closer in terms of meaning, to me. Same idea of opposite feelings, i think everyone interprets differently.

3) 3rd verse IS JUST SHIT!! WHAT IS THAT TRANSLATION?? It’s so lameeeee! Ugh. The idea that i felt in the OP (original poem) was like ‘Life is to me too listless/ limp/ (=basically ‘soft’ but in a pejorative way. Life is boring, tasteless, nothing worth much, nothing that excites her mind.) Also she says ‘TO ME’. To her. Her life, not life in general. Basically, how life is to her, « towards » her. But at the same time, life is too hard to her (not « for » her!) to the point it’s like torture.

4) The next verse is kind of a résumé of her whole fucking life. That i would translate as ‘i have great ennuis intertwined with joys’. « Ennuis » could be, indeed, translated as ‘boredom’, (the way i understood it) but also as ‘problems’/‘worries’. Basically either a long, dull, boring, worthless road with sometimes great joys/ or if you got for the different meaning of ‘ennuis’: lots of terrible problems and disasters in your life but sometimes also great joys, both mingled.

5) « love’s inconsistencies » -> Love is written in the OP with a capital letter. I don’t really think it’s necessarily romantic love, but love in general: what you experience, live, feel, discover, which is basically essential to life. Imagine a life where you don’t love any type of music, book, movie, food, weather, people, feeling, taste, smell… But primarily, I think she means that Love (as an entity rather than a simple feeling) kinda throws her around; and she is a ‘victim’ of it, she suffers from it and its intensity, unpredictability, force. She is condemned, as a human, to be a subject/ slave of love. She is not, and never will be, in control of that -and therefore her life.

6) The two last verses are so poorly translated it should be a crime. The idea behind them is really interesting!

« And I am on top of what I could wish right now » -> when she has everything she could wish for, she has obtained and achieved everything she ever dreamed off, longed for, ached for, when she has reached what is the ultimate completion of her desires that would grant her happiness; and finally everything that bothered her and kept her from tasting a freedom and peace of the soul is gone; when there’s nothing more she could possibly need or even wish for; she doesn’t. Feel. Happy. Anymore. She loses it. She feels the same as she used to before. It’s a never-ending cycle. She thinks she finally has it all, but it all crumbles, again and again and she can never keep it. She can taste it for a bit, but then it vanishes and she is right back in her ‘primary misery’.

She feels joy, she feels happy, she thinks it’s gonna last forever: it never does. For me, it really convey the idea of relapse. You get clean, you feel great, life is good, but then, how could you even think it was gonna last anyway? You relapse, fall right back in your misery.

I haven’t analyzed (corrected) the 2nd quatrain and the first tercet because this post is already very long (so i just corrected the most important ones)

and i don’t wanna bore you😭 but if you like poetry we could discuss it together if you want🫶

[gloomiedyke]

Two absolute MUST WATCH older movies for genderqueer folks (and really ALL queer folks):

1. To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar! (1995)

- Happy ending

This one is an all time favourite of mine. It's funny, sweet, light-hearted, sincere, and has a happy ending.

It was so unbelievably ahead of its time, too. Do you understand what a big deal it was for Patrick Swayze and Wesley Snipes to play these roles? The IDEALS of masculinity, the idols of all the boys in their time, and they starred as Lady Noxeema and Miss Vida?

And they took it SERIOUSLY. Snipe's portrayal of Noxeema's simple, genuine joy in her performance. Swayze's gentle portrayal of Vida's sincere relief in being her true self (god, but the look on her face when she saw herself in the mirror as Vida...). This is a comedy movie, but the queerness itself is not the butt of the joke. These characters are handled so tenderly by all three lead actors.

It's an absolutely lovely story about community, and friendship, and celebration of self.

2. Soldier's Girl (2003)

- Sad ending, but with a hopeful edge

- this one's a true story, and the trans woman it's about is still alive and working as an activist today!

An absolutely, unbelievably sweet, heartbreaking, and VITAL story. As someone who hates sad queer movies: this story DESERVES to be seen, and even though I bawled at the end, I never regretted it for a moment.

It's stunning, and so carefully, honestly told. I don't have the words this movie deserves, but please watch it. Barry Winchell deserves to have the truth of his story told.

And so much of the movie is filled with joy and love, I promise. The grief is there at the end, but there's so much good before it.

As a bonus: Lee Pace, the actor who played our transfemme main character, became friends with the real Calpernia Addams due to this movie! They brought her on to make sure everything was right, and she worked with him to help him nail the role. Their interactions were very cute.

(also Lee Pace makes a STUNNING Calpernia. I was deeply in love with her throughout the movie. Not to be a lesbian but oh my god)

-

Anyway, these movies changed my brain chemistry. And I think our younger queers especially need to see some of our first examples of genuinely good queer stories. And ones that aren't Rocky Horror, as much as I adore that one.

(mostly I just need other people to talk about these movies with. Please. Anyone.)

Bonus - some pics of Lee and Calpernia, because I think they're friendship is cute:

[i-willstealyourtoes]

MASTERPOST TIME WULULULU-

(Main page (rules, fandom list, extra info))

💗 is multishots / 💝 is oneshots / 💌 is headcanons

💕 is fluff / 💔 is angst / ❣️ is lime / 💋 is smut

💞 is poly / 💘 is match-up / 🤍 is not an x-reader / 🩵 is platonic

orange means it is being worked on / red means it is in my inbox

TF2

Sniper only connecting with the reader - 💕/🩵 + 💌

RED!Mercs with Pacifist!Medic!BLU!Reader - 💕/🩵 + 💌

Touch starved!Sniper with s/o - 💕 + 💌

Scout with introverted s/o - 💌 + 💕

Engineer with chronically ill s/o - 💌 + 💕

Heavy, Engineer and Medic with an s/o with night terrors - 💌 + 💕

Medic finds out crush is an alien - 💕 + 💌

Sniper + Wildlife anon - 💕 + 💘/💌

LGBTQ headcanons - 💌/🤍

Trans Scout - 💌/🤍

Engineer + Autistic Fem!Reader - 💕 + 💌

PAYDAY 2

Adopted!teen!reader + the PDG - 💌 + 🩵

Jimmy and his s/o during + after work - 💌 + 💕

Joy with fem!S/o who is depressed - 💕 + 💌

Dallas with a male crush - 💕 + 💌

Wolf with shy!male!reader - 💕 + 💌

Dallas with small!fem!sniper!S/o - 💌 + 💕

Hoxton x Wolf x reader - 💌 + 💞 + 💕

OG gang post-ending - 💌/🤍 + 💔

Dallas with a Medic s/o - 💌 + 💕

Houston + Hoxton flustering their s/o - ❣️ + 💞+ 💌

Wolf with a male s/o - 💕 + 💌

Bain, Houston, Sokol and Dallas with shy/cute/sensitive (fem) reader - 💌 + 💕

Clover, Bonnie, Bodhi + Dragan grieving their s/o - 💌 + 💔

Sokol + Jacket with (male) s/o watching (bad horror) movies - 💌 + 💕 + 💞

Hoxton with crush that's a (nice) guard - 💌 + 💕

Bain + Heisters with a cuddly s/o - 💌 + 💕

Sokol, Hoxton + Bain with hypersensitive s/o - 💌 + (slight) 💔 + 💞

Jacket, Jimmy, Houston + Hoxton with innocent s/o - 💌 + 💕 + ❣️

Houston + Hoxton with mediator/s/o who breaks up their fights - 💌 + 💕

Bain with his crush - 💌 + 💕

Dallas with younger/silly s/o - 💌 + 💕

Jacket, Hoxton, Sokol + Bain with s/o who's an 'over-achiever' - 💌 + 💕

Dallas, Hoxton, Houston + Wolf with hurt s/o - 💌 + 💕

Houston with tiny s/o - 💌 + 💞

Dallas + Houston catching their s/o singing - 💌 + 💕

Jacket with s/o 'sharing a bed' - 💝 + 💕

Hoxton with s/o 'no strings attached' (I hate this one sm bc it's old and cringe) - 💌 + 💔 + ❣️

Sleeping Dogs

Wei with s/o helping him with his grief - 💌 + 💔 + 💕

Wei, Jackie + Winston and their s/o - 💌 + 💕

Wei with s/o who's cousins with Dogeyes - 💌 + 💔 + 💕

BBC Ghosts

Thomas with best friend/crush reader - 💌 + 💔 + 💕

Clone Wars/The Bad Batch

Hunter with caretaker!Reader - 💕 + 💌

Crosshair + Hunter with the same crush (Mafia AU) - 💌 + 💕

Demon Crosshair with a crush that's an Angel (AU) - 💌 + (slight) 💔 + 💕

Ninjago

Ninjas with angry sibling reader - 💌

Star Wars: Hunters

General Sentinel Headcanons - 💌 + 🤍

Star Wars: Rebels

(There's nothing yet)

Faith: The Unholy Trinity

(There's nothing yet)

Detroit: Become Human

Ralph + reader angst - 💌 + 💔

HLVRAI

(There's nothing yet)

Henry Stickmin Collection

(There's nothing yet)

Yandere simulator

(There's nothing yet)

Minecraft: Story Mode

(There's nothing yet)

Sons of the Forest

(There's nothing yet)

Undertale

(There's nothing yet)

[hippolotamus]

Having some thoughts for the last official day of Pride 2023. A common theme I’ve heard from friends this year (other than, y’know, their very existence being challenged) is angry commentary from family or strangers wondering why Pride is even necessary. Why does every show or movie need a gay/lesbian/queer/trans character or couple? Obviously, none of these are new, but the fact remains that these hateful questions still haven’t gone away. Seriously, WTF?

What you’re about to read are only my thoughts and opinions, so take it for what it is. You’re free to disagree and have your own. 

I’ll start with why is Pride necessary? One of the first things that comes to mind is something I first saw on instagram a few years ago, and it has stuck with me. A quote from munroebergdorf ‘Pride is important because someone tonight still believes they’re better off dead than being gay.’ Like, holy fuck, it doesn’t get more real than that, does it? 

From an evolutionary, biological standpoint humans have a very real fear of abandonment, and loss of protection, for straying from the pack. Unfortunately, it takes far too long for most of us to realize that another pack is waiting with open arms and love. That we do not owe our bio pack unconditional loyalty simply because that’s the family we were born into. Genealogy does not make up for lack of acceptance. 

Pride is important because it’s meant to be a safe space. The festivals, parades, queer owned restaurants and businesses. I can’t speak for everyone, but my experience is that being part of the LGBTQ+ community usually involves living life as more than one person. Most times are spent taking our most colorful pieces, boxing them away, holding our breath, and hoping the wrong person doesn’t learn our secret. 

That’s where all those previously mentioned events and places come in. It’s an opportunity to finally take a fucking breath. To be yourself. To hold your partner’s hand, or look at them meaningfully, and not have to worry. It may not always feel like a big deal to parcel yourself away. But then you find yourself in a place you can finally let go and it’s like dropping 50 pounds of baggage to the floor. 

Part 2 (also, bless you if you’re still reading any of this): Why does every [popular form of media] need [inconveniently not straight] person or couple? This sort of ties back to earlier with the bio pack and the ability to find a new pack. Books, comics, television shows, movies need these characters so we don’t feel so fucking alone. 

If I remember correctly, my first encounter with a queer character was a really super awkward Lifetime movie. The next significant memory was what I refer to as my Queer Reawakening, when I met David and Patrick from Schitt’s Creek for the first time in 2021. The idea of a place built around the idea of total acceptance? Where no one cared who you loved? Where queer people had a happy existence? That was life altering. I was chemically reconfigured. From there I found a phenomenal community of friends that know me better than most of my IRL people. 

I swear I’m not trying to make this about me, but this would be incomplete if I didn’t mention Heartstopper (aka the Repressed Queer Grief era). This, to me, is the height of why representation is needed across various media. I have heard, and read, many similar comments to mine from friends and articles about this show and the graphic novels. How different life might have been if we had something like this as kids. To know that sort of existence was even possible. That just maybe some form of joy was attainable, and it wasn’t always going to be living a dual existence. 

Just like it’s important (for example) for little girls to know they can be president, or for little boys to know they can be in the ballet if they want… it’s important for every child to know that they are not wrong for who they choose to love, they are not defective if they don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction like other people, and it’s okay to question that maybe the body they were born with is not the best one. 

Part 3 (bonus!) I know this is quite long. Again, bless you for still being here. This is a piece I will just never not bring up. I feel it’s important to reiterate the importance of The Timeline of Self Discovery aka No, you’re not too old to come out/learn this important info about yourself. Some people just know from an early age that there is something different about them from their peers. That’s amazing. Enjoy being ahead of the curve. Then there’s the crowd that sort of figures it out during the teenage/young adult years. Yay! Awesome! That’s so cool! Very proud of you!

Now, what about everyone else? Not realizing until later in life can feel like a real suck fest. You were just going along, living your life, happy as a clam and then… fuck. It’s all different and nothing is as it was and how the hell are you supposed to trust your instincts if you couldn’t even see that coming? Listen. Take a deep breath. Chill for a sec. You good? Okay, perfect. 

So, here’s the thing. There is no timeline. There is no deadline for figuring these things out. It’s not like if you don’t figure it out and rush to tell the world by a certain point you’re doomed forever. For that matter, if you choose to never come out? That is also a perfectly acceptable option. You can tell as many or few people as you want. And only you get to do that. Not one single other person on the face of this earth is entitled to pressure you or take that moment from you.  

The other cool super secret thing is you can change your mind. Gasp! It’s not necessary, but more likely than you think. Maybe a bi label felt good at first but then gay or lesbian or queer felt better. Ultimately, labels are always highly personal and there is zero requirement to use one. Personally I’m a big fan of referring to myself as queer. It’s easy and people tend to understand it better than the Pan label. Again, labels are completely optional. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s necessary because they’re rude and no you don’t. 

Stay safe out there, friends and Happy Pride 🌈

[agroupofcrows]

@jester-mereel tagged me in this, thanks💌

Rules: You can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, and then tag 10 people. No skipping!

i unironically love my unironically abysmal music taste. im also a spotify user and my playlists are too specific for this ask so i put my liked songs on shuffle

1. Come Sail Away by Styx. lmao i remeber i put this on the playlist for my postcanon ghost onsen takabansai nonfic

2. Cây Đàn Bỏ Quên by Tran Thai Hoa. i don't actually listen much to him, but. cherish thy tenors whose voice is actually nice

3. The Glow by Sylvan Esso?? unliked, i hate this song actually

4. S.K. Remembrance Noise: Road to Damascus by hungarian composer Kurtág György. <3 this had to be for a maglor playlist

5. Russel Shaw: Let Me Tell You A Story. no memory of this piece. cute but I've no idea what it is. movie? game?

6. some kind of piano-cello arrangement of an aria from a js bach cantata. not good and not bad? sorry im getting tired

7. Pricantula (corsican polyphony) sung by im guessing a chamber choir called Per Agata. 10/10 no notes teach me your ways

8. vivaldi flute concerto in g, run over with a car and sprinkled with extra spice. im just gonna link it because it's not bad if you, like me, love it when violence is done on baroque music. it is one of the joys of my life for sure. also, several blorbos with flute trauma so this particular piece always comes in handy

9. ohoo boy. wagner Liebestod but maria callas. controversial💅

10. Tchaik Nut sugarplum fairy. i think i put this on a bomb yuri on ice playlist a couple of years ago when i was going through it* (*end-of-twenties grief)

huhh @kraniumet @hadrianspaywall @amethysttribble my brain stopped but anyone else who feels like it, i wanna see your music recs

[vamptux]

death note reaction and random ramble

Finished watching Death Note and now I gotta get ahold of the manga. I'm shook. I love how some animes I watch, the episodes go really fast. But Death Note is one of the special ones where the episodes seem to go on forever, but in a good way. The longest good 23 minutes per ep that I've spent in awhile. I expected the end, but it was still compelling to watch.

I'm not normally a soundtrack person, but I have even been listening to the openers and closers. I was not prepared for the Season 2 opener, lol. The scream timed with the title card was just 😘👌.

I've come out of so many eggshells and lived so many different lives. Someone once told me that I "looked like I watch anime" but it wasn't meant as an insult. They were just looking for recs. The most amusing part is i didn't watch any at the time, save the most well-known studio ghibli movies. Guess they saw through that eggshell lol!

For a long time, decades, i steered myself away from anything that i might even remotely care about bc my life was a house of cards. i didn't want to accidentally topple it by actually embracing who i was and then being forced to realize some Big Changes needed to be made.

So now i am experiencing one of those queer/trans phenomenons where i am simultaneously thirty-mumble years old and also having a second run at being a teenager, exploring what's out there and figuring out what i like. Except i finally feel like i want to be present in my body most of the time, i am committed to being 100% who i really am, and i have much more emotional tools at my disposal, too.

There's so many things i could have done with my life if i hadn't been hiding all that time, and there's grief that goes with that, but there's also joy that i made it out of the closet. And i would always rather this life i have now, no matter what.

[weirdsorcerer]

any movie reccomendations?

I just watched Harold and Maude and loved it! this goth kid before ppl were allowed to be goth meets this old kuku communist/anarchist lady and she helps him find meaning in life

Kokomo City was sooo good, it’s a documentary that follows the lives and stories of Black trans sex workers

Hunt for the Wilderpeople is a funny adventure that made me cry

Pom Poko is a dear favorite that always has me filled with joy/grief/rage/inspiration

Wolfwalkers <333 anti-colonial fantasy about England’s campaign against the native people /forests / nature based life ways and last resisting remnants of paganism in Ireland

Thelma and Louise (ʘ‿ʘ✿) <3

I want to watch Blancanieves and Israelism soon

[pomegranarchy]

okay so.

i saw the tv glow.

The pacing of that movie really didn’t work for me, and in fact actively made me less engaged with it. Which was sad because I wanted to love it. Scenes are very slow and theres huge spaces between events so it feels like nothing is happening and it draaaags. Which I get is important to the tone of the movie and the overall themes! but that pacing made me impatient and find things that shouldve been moving or scary to instead be stupid and silly

its just not very … horror i guess? To me? i felt grief watching this. but not horror. the closest was tara’s breakdown during the birthday party and no one even moved

the ‘last episode’ was pretty terrific in terms of visuals and shit. i did think mr melancholy’s monologue kinda. brought it down a bit. like it just kept going and i was unnerved and disturbed by the imagery and what was happening until he just kept talking.

idk. i liked the movie. it hurt me. it knows me. there is still time. but the only thing that fully cashed in on those things was the final scene at the birthday party.

it had the message come through very clearly and was horrific and its what made the feelings really work for me. it was so fucking visceral. i feel like that. ive felt like that. going through so much agony and falling to floor and no one will even acknowledge you. much less your pain. they dont think your pain is valid, or real. and then you apologize for it. because what else can you do? your suffering is taking up space and interrupting someone else’s joy. you are the problem. no one will look at you.

this movie is just not suited to my tastes, i believe.

because, well, the framing of this trans story being how theyre actually these fictional characters who are in a dream that theyre currently living in felt very… i dunno… predestined? limiting?

like there wasnt actually a choice in who they are or their transition or what they want. there was two choices: a or b, this or that, no middle ground, no third choice, no nothing.

im someone who generally rejects the idea of any sort of destiny or pre-made world, and in fact finds it stifling and limiting, or that it undermines the wonder in living. so it just didnt sit well with me personally? that along with being non-binary, i felt like i was being told my only choices were to pick one box or the other. which is not fun!

so i felt trans grief. the grief of being invalidated and ignored, of stifling yourself. the grief of not being you. but not yearning. i didnt get hope out of it.

the shape of water, despite not being a trans movie, hit that yearning for me? its about rejection of oppression and the expectations that contribute to that oppression. to care about those who are different from you, even if their differences seem alien and disturbing.

so it hit that feeling of carving out a space for yourself, of crafting who you are, what you want to be, and what you want for yourself. taking off humanity like a shackle, and shedding the expectations that come with it.

its absolutely true that the difference in genre (horror vs romance) contributes to a different level of hope and overall happiness in the respective stories, but like. i dunno. i want to be my own thing. to be seen and loved as me, no matter how strange and alien i may be. I dont want to be human. and the monsterfucker movie hits that

too tired for formal thoughts atm but i just finished watching the shape of water for the first time and tbh. i think i experienced more trans yearning out of that watch than i saw the tv glow.

[jell-hell]

I finally watched Crimes of The Future and I have many thoughts so here we go.

Honestly I felt a strong disability rights and trans rights overlap in its themes. Then again it's a movie that speaks about a lot of things, so I'm just talking about those two because that's my personal experience. I'm going to expand on it under the "Read More" if anyone is interested.

I want to start by contextualising myself in what I am about to say about the movie. Four years ago I started taking antidepressants as a way to treat PMDD, a disorder that affects anyone that goes through luteal phases. It is a mood disorder that can have debilitating consequences. This is a way of saying that four years ago I found out I was chronically ill. Then I went to doctors over my knee pain, and discovered I am somewhere on the hypermobility spectrum, my scoliosis being a syptom, not the cause. So I had to take pain meds for my chronic pain, too. People did not understand why I was so young and yet had to take meds for things they didn't see as issues. Internal pain didn't seem to register as true pain for most. My mediction, in turn, seemed unnecessary.

I read some reviews of Crimes of The Future that claimed the characters were too distant, too surreal for them to relate. That made it a bad movie, in a way. I had the opposite reaction watching it. Being trans and having my body do things I never wanted it to do is something I am familiar with. The want to take out the parts of myself that make me sick is relatable. The irony that I am trans and have a condition that only affects me due to going through a female puberty is not lost on me. People like to talk about my body, my type of body. The politics of my body. My reproductive rights, my independence, my right to decide what I want to be. My access to things, what I am feeling, what my pain is like.

When I was getting diagnosed for both PMDD and HSD, I couldn't really describe what I felt. With PMDD, because it came and went, with HSD because no one ever taught me the vocabulary to express it.

There is a book called "The Body in Pain: The Making and Unmaking of the World" by Elaine Scarry that I read when I first started to come to terms with the fact that my body was more than just a body I lived in. That I was both it and more than it. I kept thining about that book during the movie. Saul is constantly in pain, but the way he experiences it is alien to everyone around him. People literally do not - cannot - understand what he feels. When asked, he cannot explain it. I felt those momments deeply.

Another thing that happens is that people pressure him, the entire movie, to accept or reject what he is and the consequences of what his body does. People hate and seek to destroy the mere possibility of his organs being a positive change, but also do not allow him to extract his own organs as a way to reclaim his own independence. He is not concerned over what other people's mutations do to them, he just wants to stop being in pain himself. He doesn't want anyone in the same position. In his view, and in a pratical sense for a lot of the movie, his body seeks to kill him. That is what he knows for most of it. And why should he not be allowed to grieve that? Or be happy anyhow? Why must it be all or nothing?

The conversation on acceptance and mourning inside the disabled community is complicated, because either emotion will be picked apart by people that do no understand it's source or what being disabled (in all its infinite forms) can be like. It is inconceivable to people that disabled joy exists alongside pain and grief. It is impossible, to some, to acccept we too are human.

[doyelikehaggis]

10 Favourite Female Characters From 10 Different Fandoms

(List your 10 favorite female characters from 10 fandoms, then tag 10 people)

Thank you so much for the tag @a-lil-bi-furious !! ❤️

1. Malia Tate from Teen Wolf

Starting off strong — literally, she has the strength of, like, a bear and the temper of one! My angry girl!! I just loved her from the very first second we were introduced to her after turning back. She went through so much, and it clearly had a big impact on her, and we got to see her grow through most of it (but not all of it because the writers suck a bit) and work to become a pack member instead of the lone coyote she had gotten used to being. Also, she insanely pretty and cute so she’s allowed to growl at people every so often!

2. Liv Parker from The Vampire Diaries

My angry and extra sassy girl — witch edition! There’s just something about her that I love. I really understand Tyler; she could insult me and blast me across a room with magic and I would fall in love with her. But we know that a lot of her mean-girl attitude comes from her family issues, and it’s more of a defense mechanism than anything. So, it was nice to see a softer side of her around both Luke and Tyler — and Jo, on occasion. She knew she was the “weaker” twin and as much as the thought of dying scared her, she still stood strong and tried to find a way to save Luke from having to live with that guilt by finding another way — just as she saved Tyler from triggering his curse by killing someone (who was already dying because of him) for him. And then in the end, knowing she was going to die anyway, she saved him again. She deserved a way better ending and more of a chance to grow since we definitely were not done with her story, so I will be forever bitter but I love and appreciate the time we had her for!

3. Hope Mikaelson from Legacies

Is it cheating if they’re from the same universe but not the same show? I just love this little Tribrid so much. She’s gone through a lot her entire life — literally, she had people trying to kill her before she was even born. She lost her mum, and then her dad, and her uncle. Not to mention the, uh, killing a bunch of people in between and also finding out your first boyfriend helped kidnapped your mum in a plot to kill her and you (that he didn’t know about, given, but still). And having virtually no friends at school. But she still tried to be so strong all the time, to a point where she really should let more people in it and see that soft, vulnerable part that’s still in there. Her anger is justified, and sometimes out of her control due to her family, and I wish they’d let her get real help for it. She shouldn’t have to be the “hero” or the “saviour” all the time and I wish they would just cut her a break, let her rest, and have a moment of happiness that doesn’t end with her feeling like she didn’t deserve it.

4. Wanda Maximoff from MCU

(First of all, you don’t know how painful it was having to wade through a bunch of Pietro gifs in the process of finding this one.) The version of Wanda in the MCU is very... complex. Obviously there’s a lot of issues With the character, but if I’m focusing solely on who she is in the MCU, then I love her so much. And she definitely has some issues in her life. She starts off as the bad guy, angry and seeking “justice” (and revenge) for what happened to her parents, and in the same movie, we see her realize that the side she was working for wasn’t any better. We see her character develop quite a bit in just her first movie, and then over the course of the next ones, we see more sides to her; her guilt over hurting innocent people through a quickly-made decision, her compassion for Vision and for those other people, her grief over losing Pietro and Vision. And she herself is so powerful! She tries to live with the pain she’s endured but it takes over without her control, because both her grief and her magic are all-consuming. And I add this because I still refuse WandaVision’s change to the timeline: she went through all of this before she was eighteen. She’s so young, and in pain, but she still tries so hard to push through because other people need her, and she doesn’t want them to suffer like she has. Also, I just think it’s pretty when she does those little hand movements to possess people and her eyes turn red.

5. Nymphadora Tonks from Harry Potter

She deserved the absolute world. Her death was unnecessary, and I hate it, because she should have gotten to live the rest of her life raising her son, happy with her husband, and just generally being alive. She was so full of life and joy, and she tried to be the source of those things in the middle of a literal war when everyone was at their lowest and felt hopeless or angry. Also would’ve loved more scenes of her and her favourite cousin, Sirius, because they would be chaotic and they both deserved that. ALSO also, she’s very pretty, can change her appearance and chose to have pink/purple hair and dresses like how tiny me wanted to dress, so I immediately fell in love, of course.

6. Kara Danvers from Supergirl

She’s just so kind and compassionate despite everything the world has put her through — but she’s also angry deep down, and she’s hurt and in pain, and some of my favourite moments of hers are when she’s allowed to express that. When she’s allowed to really just lose it and lash out at the people who hurt her because she pushes it down for so long so that she can help everyone else that it finally just explodes.

7. Jody Jackson from The Dumping Ground

TW: mentions of different forms of child abuse. This girl deserves the whole world but I promise you that the world does not deserve her. The same can be said for pretty much all of the characters in The Dumping Ground, to be honest, but god she has just been through so much. Neglected by her mum from a very young age, abused physically and verbally by her and (presumably) both of her brothers, and it’s implied she’s abused sexually by one of her brothers as well. Of course when we first meet her she is angry and terrified. She still is because the trauma developed and was never fully dealt with, so she still carries it all around in her mouth and fists, until one little thing happens to make her lash out. And she knows she has a problem — she is terrified of becoming her brother, and sometimes her mum, and all she wants is to not hurt the people she loves. Because she loves so much, it’s just hard for her to know how to show it sometimes because sometimes all she can remember is how her family “loved” her. But she’s grown so much since she went into care and she’s getting help at last, and I just have so much hope for her happiness in the next series to come.

8. Annie Marks from Good Girls

She’s short, fiesty, will make jokes at the worst possible time, won’t stop calling a literal gang leader who has threatened her life on more than one occasion “gang friend”, was incredibly supportive and accepting of her son when he came out as trans, will punch someone when necessary (probably also when not), has a semi-friendly co-parenting thing going on with her ex, and is just all around adorably ridiculous.

9. Casey McDonald from Life With Derek

Ignoring Derek in the gif — Casey usually does, too. Casey is a perfectionist, and frankly, sometimes quite annoying about it and some other things, and yes, she definitey initiates a lot of the arguments between her and Derek. And that is why I love her. She is in no way perfect, and her striving to be comes from anxiety and insecurities that are partially the result of the instability in her life. I love how, no matter how much she may despise Derek, when there’s a real problem, she tries to help. She cares about the people in her life, and I can’t wait for her to return to as a mum of four!

10. Ashley Garcia from The Expanding Universe of Ashley Garcia

Someone give the world TO her, please?? It’s a shame this fandom is so small because she deserves so much love and appreciation. She’s a literal genius but lacks... a lot of social skills at the start of the show. But she learns from her friends, and gets to experience new things, including having a crush for the time (and the second!) and she’s just generally living life as a fairly normal teenager. While still being an absolute genius. I just love this smiley little dork so much!

Tagging: @pad-foots @donnas-troia @childofsquidward @multifandomlover121 @superarrowverse @dance-is-life27 to participate if you want to, but as always, no pressure! And anyone who wants to do this but wasn’t tagged — you have been now! Go do it!

[flameswallower]

Fourth and final!!! HONORABLE MENTIONS

Thank you for sticking with this super long post lol. I promise it's really over now! I hope you have found some new stuff you're excited to check out.

Anyway, last I will mention a few books (and one podcast) that didn't quite make it to "favorite fiction of the year" status, but that deserve a shout out anyway.

Girl Parts, by May Leitz (2023) was a book I edited, and it was a joy to edit. I was proud to help this Lynchian lesbian splatterpunk nightmare look its best! Already known for her work as a musician and youtube movie critic, I think Leitz is going to go places as a horror writer.

Green Fuse Burning, by Tiffany Morris (2023) is a deeply felt, beautifully drawn novella about an Indigenous Canadian artist undergoing a transformative supernatural experience as she struggles with grief, depression, and alienation, and attempts to reconnect with her ancestors' culture and language.

The Merry Dredgers, by Jeremy C. Shipp (2023) isn't exactly bizarro, it's not really horror, it's not quite fantasy or magical realism...call it Hot Topic whimsy, I suppose? Like, if you went to high school with one of those girls who was halfway between mall goth and neo-hippie, you know, she was bisexual and into creepy carnivalesque aesthetics and sea shanties and paganism and maybe had some bubblegum pink striped armwarmers, this is exactly the kind of book she would have loved. Shipp is currently suffering from Long Covid and has unpaid medical bills, so if this sounds at all interesting to you, I strongly suggest buying the book to help them out.

Camp Damascus, by Chuck Tingle (2023) was way better than I expected a horror novel by the novelty object-sexual/dinosaur/Bigfoot kindle erotica guy to be. Not always bringing the greatest prose or the deepest take on its subject matter, but super fun with impeccable pacing and a very well-drawn queer autistic protagonist. Cinematic in a good way. Would pair extremely well with my own 2023 novella The False Sister, which was a total accident. I guess it's just the zeitgeist!

Tentacle, by Rita Indiana (trans. Achy Obejas, 2018) is a short, brutal, psychedelic punk rock punch in the gut, succinct and overflowing with acerbic, grimy, violent, slur-slinging, absurd, pathetic, sympathetic, horrible, well-drawn characters. Deals with gender and sexuality in a way that feels simultaneously very modern and like a throwback to the New Wave of sci-fi in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Definitely give this a read if the above sounds like your kind of thing, especially if you are also interested in queer and trans literature from the Dominican Republic, the Caribbean, or the global south.

The Magnus Archives (2016-2021) was a supernatural horror audio drama podcast that, if forced to use a hacky elevator pitch style description, I would describe as "M.R. James meets The X-Files." Like the latter, it combines lovable investigator characters who have a touch of will they/won't they romantic intrigue, an overarching plot that becomes rather silly and convoluted, and episodic "monster of the week" one-off case file stories. There are some great recurring villains and antiheroes (personal faves: Trevor & Julia, Agnes, either Distortion incarnation), and while not every one-off story in its 200 episodes is very good (it would be a miracle if that were the case), the best ones knock it out of the park. I binge-listened to the lion's share while smoking weed and doing psychedelics on a rocky beach in the summer, watching the sea, over the course of about two weeks, and I would strongly recommend that experience.

Briar's Favorite First Time Reads of 2023!

I read sixty or so books (start to finish) for the first time this year, which is pretty average for me. I liked most of them pretty well, since if I dislike a book I usually won't finish it. But there were some stand outs, which I'm going to list here.

First up: NOVELS!

Pseudotooth, by Verity Holloway (2017) is the first portal fantasy coming of age novel I've read in a long, long time that I found genuinely charming. It has a very dark Gothic edge to it, with shades of Gormenghast and Edward Gorey making for a uniquely unsettling and bleak fantasy world. The novel also deals frankly and seriously with themes of ableism, eugenics, medical abuse, xenophobia, socio-economic class, rape/sexual abuse, and the psychic fallout of rape/sexual abuse. But it's got a lot of whimsical absurdist humor to it, too, and a deep humanist compassion for its characters. The three young adults at the center of the story are all quite likeable, and though they are involved in a kind of love triangle, I found the particulars of it refreshingly queer, strange, and not the primary focus of the story.

The Marigold, by Andrew F. Sullivan (2023) is a pitch-dark, stone cold bummer that is also frequently hilarious and emotionally moving in tender ways that took me by surprise. In this dystopian satire, a bunch of down-and-out relatable characters and one horrible rich guy struggle to survive as near-future Toronto is engulfed by "the Wet"-- a sapient mold-based hive mind accidentally created by the depravity and greed of big business. The residents of the titular condominium/apartment complex feature in short vignettes that demonstrate the despair and alienation people suffer under late stage capitalism, and the way the Wet calls to these people, lures them in, hunts them.

The Open Curtain, by Brian Evenson (2006) is a harrowing nightmare about madness, violence, possession, Mormonism, and the destabilization of one's known reality (well, see also "madness"). It's a type of story that could easily feel shlocky and exploitative of people with certain mental disorders, or just predictable (there are some plot twists you'll guess very quickly if you've ever like...read books or seen movies before...), but Evenson's unornamented yet masterful prose, his meticulous attention to detail, and his non-condescending empathy for both victims of violence and people struggling with delusions, violent impulses, etc. make it rise above those potential problems. At least in my opinion! This one's very disturbing, will definitely leave you feeling like shit.

Hummingbird Salamander, by Jeff VanderMeer (2021) is very emotionally moving and a suspenseful, well-plotted eco-noir page turner! Also a bummer, but leaves one feeling awe and hope and determination as well as mourning the devastating loss of life that climate change has wrought. The protagonist is great, a truly unusual and unlikely detective. I loved her voice-- like any good noir hero, she can throw off a legitimately funny sarcastic quip with the best of them, but she's also prone to astute social observations and flights of breathtaking lyricism.

How to Get Over the End Of the World, by Hal Schrieve (2023) is a TRAGICALLY under-promoted and underrated punk rock magical realist YA masterpiece about trans high schoolers, and their dysfunctional adult mentors, putting on a rock opera to save their community center. This one, unlike most of what I read, is NOT EVEN KIND OF A BUMMER. It's delightful and hilarious from start to finish, though it's definitely not saccharine-sweet or afraid of conflict. In fact, it deals quite bluntly and refreshingly with topics ranging from the relationship one character has with his violent, abusive father, to sexual relationships between teenagers, to the ever-looming awareness of climate change. Every major character is trans! Every single one!! This is kind of a spoiler, but, like, not really lol

Sudden Glory, by Hal Johnson (2023) just goes to show that guys named Hal can really write comic novels. This book has perhaps the highest joke-to-paragraph ratio of anything I’ve ever read, and also probably the most varied types of joke: a person whose sense of humor runs to preposterous situation comedy, slapstick, and lowbrow sexual humor will find a lot to like here, and so will someone whose sense of humor runs to moderately esoteric literary/historical references, social satire, five-layer wordplay, and Wildean bon mots. Since it’s set in the New York City of 2003, there’s even room for a few 9/11 jokes, which could not have appeared without controversy in a book actually published in 2003. This slightly "politically incorrect" edge comes off as good-natured and in keeping with Johnson's commitment to absurdism-- there's never a "laughing at" vibe, more one of "laughing with" human folly, futility, pretensions, etc. At base, this is a story about a person who feels he can't tell the truth or be himself for fear of social rejection, and all the trouble that gets him into.

Piranesi, by Susanna Clarke (2020) is fucking gorgeous, probably one of my favorite books of all time now, this hole was made for me, etc. I can't reasonably expect that most others will have as intense a response to it as I did-- I felt it perfectly conveyed some very important and difficult to articulate things about, like, my personal experience of consciousness, and my experience as a person with certain types of neurological/cognitive/developmental disability navigating the world, through a kind of fabulist prism. But it got great reviews, so, you know, give it a shot! I think it's better not to know anything about it going in, but let me just say, if you're into weird, massive labyrinthine buildings, this hole might also have been made for you.

Devil House, by John Darnielle (2022) is exactly the novel you'd expect "the Mountain Goats guy" to write, in all the best possible ways. It's a story that elevates the inner lives of neurodivergent outsider teens to the mythic heights they deserve. It's a story that brutally critiques the true crime industry. It's a story about the problems of defining people exclusively by their victimhood, or exclusively by the worst thing they ever did. It's a story about the importance of having a little space to oneself, a shelter from the demands and threats of an often cruel world, and the lengths to which a person will go to defend such a shelter if it's broached. Also, there's a long, nauseating section about how it's actually really difficult and gross to chop up a human corpse for disposal.