#the times I wish I had a low voice to play as Hyde

[scarperseus]

Self control is keeping yourself from singing Confrontation at the top of your lungs when there's people around

[gabrielkahane]

A Brief History of Magnificent Bird

In the aftermath of a year off the internet, I’ve become low-key obsessed with Lewis Hyde’s book The Gift, in which he argues that the movement of a gift—or a work of art—from one individual to another helps to define the community in which the gift or artwork circulates.

Today, my fifth album, Magnificent Bird, is released into the world, and it is, for me, most fundamentally, an expression of my community. There are no hired guns: only musicians whom I cherish as much for their humanity and friendship as I do for their artistry. So I thought it would be appropriate to mark the unveiling of this project with a little history & chronology of a dozen-and-a-half musical relationships that have made this record possible.

1989 - At our respective homes in Rochester, New York, Ted Poor and I play boogie-woogie duets: me on piano, Ted on drums. We’re also on the same Little League team; he often plays first-base, I’m over at shortstop for a quick 6-3 on a ground ball to the left side of the infield. Twenty-five years later, he plays drums in The Ambassador, my first piece for the Brooklyn Academy of Music. Ted was so incredibly generous on this project, recording 3,287 versions of “Hot Pink Raingear” before we arrived at the approach heard on the album. His sense of rhythm lights a room, and he is my oldest friend — not just on this LP, but in life.

2006 - The Nickel Creek bus drops Chris Thile (as well as Sean and Sara Watkins) at my parents’ house in Santa Rosa, California. We start playing music at around 1am. Fifteen years, hundreds of cups of coffee, and dozens of alcohol-fueled arguments about the “correct” approach to rhythm in the music of J.S. Bach later, Chris is one of my closest friends, and also a hero. We all know what a monster, once-in-a-generation talent he is. What is maybe less apparent is the insane work ethic that undergirds his seemingly effortless command of his instrument, an ethic I got to witness up close while opening some 60 shows for Punch Brothers. The only person whose approach to rhythm is as continually mind-boggling as Ted Poor’s is Chris’, hence the mando-drums on “To Be American.”

2007 - I meet Alex Sopp through her new music ensemble, yMusic. I will forever be spoiled by the fact that she’s the first flutist I work with: her tone singing, her sense of phrase totally intuitive and poetic. Over the course of fifteen years, we share with each other many, many, many photographs of our cats. Her collaborative spirit was evident in her work on this album: for “Hot Pink Raingear,” I asked if she could play a synth riff on some “messed up whistles and flutes,” and she sent back, thirty-six hours later, fourteen different tracks of various antique wind instruments. I wish I had kept all of it for you to hear, but sometimes less is more.

2008 (part one) - I hear Elizabeth Ziman sing at a tiny cafe in Park Slope, Brooklyn. I am instantly in love with her voice and songwriting. I would happily listen to her sing tax returns or technical manuals or the transcripts of municipal water supply hearings; she is magic. Somehow, after an almost fifteen year friendship, this is the first time we’ve worked together on record; her singing on “Sit Shiva” is, for me, what makes the song.

2008 (part two) - Outside a rural elementary school in Switzerland, I am approached by a young man, who, seeing my banjo case, announces that he “plays folk music, too.” It’s Paul Kowert, who that autumn would join Punch Brothers as its bassist. Years later, we travel around the country while I’m opening for his band, playing chess over coffee, getting lost on long walks in unfamiliar cities, talking endlessly about music. He is a one of the most supremely gifted bass players of our time.

2009 - Holcombe Waller and I are set up on a West Coast co-bill tour by a friend who warns me that Holcombe is extremely flamboyant. I write to Holcombe, and in a postscript, mention—sort of in jest, sort of not—that I’m 18% gay. He writes back, “I’ve worked with less.” A friendship is born. Need help understanding obscure financial instruments or fledgling cryptocurrencies? Ask Holcombe. Need a quick tutorial on the history of energy policy in the Northwest? Ask Holcombe. Need the most sublime falsetto (but also booming bass-baritone) you’ve ever heard? Ask Holcombe. Happily, we now live less than a mile from one another in Northeast Portland. Holcombe, can I borrow some sugar??

2010 (part one) - I’m playing a gig in upstate New York accompanied by a string quartet. At soundcheck, one of the violinists mentions that she “writes a little music, too.” Next thing I know, that kind and quiet musician—Caroline Shaw—has won the Pulitzer Prize. Over the years, we email with eccentric frequency about Lunchables (can’t remember how that one started), and have occasionally appeared together in concert. What I admire most about Caroline is the absolute honesty of her music. Many of us work for years building up artifice, then tearing it down. Not Caro: she knows, and seems always to have known, who she is. When I first heard her overdubs for the record, I cried.

2010 (part two) - Casey Foubert and I have known each other for a few years when he begins to mix my second album, Where are the Arms. Working on that record reveals to me the uncanny depth of Casey’s musical knowledge, spanning, as it does, obscure 60’s piano-driven folk-pop to free jazz. One of the most versatile and multivalent artists I’ve ever encountered, Casey is the only musician who has played on all of my records (with the exception of Book of Travelers, which is just me). He’s also a profoundly curious person, and a super generous spirit. He now lives with his family in rural Illinois, and I love that there’s a bit of that energy on this album.

2011 - It’s a dark and dreary evening in Peterborough, NH, when I find myself sitting at the piano in a little cabin, singing standards with a young woman named Amelia Meath. We keep in touch here and there, and then a few years later, I hear a band called Sylvan Esso and think, that voice sounds familiar! Over the last few years, Amelia and I have had long, deep phone calls about everything from literature to TikTok to systemic racism to the music biz. She encouraged me, while we were working on “Linda & Stuart,” to embrace the cognitive dissonance between the cheerful groove and the sense of grief that pervades the lyric.

2014 (part one) - Driving from the Denver Airport, Chris Morrissey tells me that he does a great BBC newscaster impression. I immediately try to one-up him. (Mine is better.) Every year on his birthday, to commemorate my small victory of superior British dialect, I leave Chris a three-minute voicemail in a preposterous BBC voice. Chris is a complete musician, and a complete human. One of the things that drew me to him when we first met was how emotionally available he was. So glad he’s on this joint.

2014 (part two) - A recording studio in New Jersey. yMusic has a new cellist on the session. We get through one take of my arrangement of Beck’s “Mutilation Rag,” for the Song Reader album, and Gabriel Cabezas, maybe 22 years old, says, without a trace of attitude or ostentation, “oh, this is a twelve-tone row, right?” What a punk! One memorable night years later ends drunkenly at my house, where we cook both carbonara and cacio e pepe after a long conversation about how the best pasta sauces are emulsified using the cooking water.

2014 (part three) - I’m not sure that the classroom at the fancy private school in Laguna Beach, California, was where I first met Joseph Lorge, but it sticks out in my memory for some reason. He’s there with a friend of his, a songwriter, who performs two beautiful songs as part of a master class that I was giving. By 2017, Joseph has become indispensable to my process as a studio artist. He records and mixes Book of Travelers, and acts as mix engineer and house psychologist during this project. He is tall and shy, quietly hilarious, with a heart of gold. His ears and imagination are astonishing; without him, this record would not exist.

2015 - In the lobby of the newly opened Ordway Theatre in St. Paul, Minnesota, I am accosted by a blonde man with a cheerful face and intense eyes. “I have a question to ask you,” he says, betraying the slightest hint of a Northern European accent. “On your song ‘Charming Disease,’ from your album Where are the Arms, is it three clarinets or one claviola that appear suddenly in the second verse?” This was Pekka Kuusisto, a true magician of the violin, and one of my dearest friends. I have fond memories from 2019 (“the before times”) of walking down to the water—his house in Finland sits against the Baltic Sea—in nothing but towels, freezing our asses off before retreating to the warmth of his wood sauna, which I guess is what Finns do in February? When his violin enters halfway through the tune, I feel the chill of that numinous, Scandinavian wind insinuate itself into the harmonic field.

2016 (part one) - St. Paul, again! Sam Amidon and I have known each other for a decade by this point, but it’s over burritos at Chipotle that we bond for real, talking about our shared love of Herman Melville and obscure jazz records. If I’m reading a great book, Sam is often the first person I want to tell. In a world brimming with highly individualized voices, Sam’s artistry—from his singing voice to his banjo and fiddle playing—stands out for its idiosyncrasies and emotional depth.

2016 (part two) - On a tour bus somewhere in Montana, Andrew Bird and I get to talking about how folk and orchestral music can coexist. A few years later, we work closely on Time Is A Crooked Bow, a cycle I orchestrated comprising six of his songs. Getting to hear him sing every night was a real master class. Andrew has magnetic rock star energy, but he is also a kind, gentle, quiet and deeply thoughtful soul. And no one plucks the violin quite the way he does. When I wrote the riff he plays on “To Be American,” I knew it had to be him.

2017 - From time to time, I head uptown to hear the NY Philharmonic. One evening, I’m hypnotized by a sound—serene, expressive, otherworldly— emanating from from the principal clarinet chair. Eventually I muster the nerve to write to Anthony McGill and tell him what I huge fan I am. It’s thrilling when he tells me that he knows my music and would love to do something together. And now, at last, we have.

2019 - Nathalie Joachim sends me mixes of her album Fanm D’ayiti. It is so damn gorgeous. We’ve been casual acquaintances for five years at this point, but now I am *a fan*. Over the course of the pandemic, we talk more frequently, counseling each other about the various challenges of being an artist in these confounding times. She joins the Creative Alliance with the Oregon Symphony, where I serve as Creative Chair. This June, the Oregon Symphony will present the world premiere of an orchestral song cycle drawn from Nathalie’s album that made such an impression. The combination of Nathalie & Alex on the title track, along with Holcombe’s vocal feature, has me feeling that my cup truly runneth over.

Appendix A:

Tony Berg is a joyous contrarian whom I’ve known for a dozen years, during which time he has shown me only generosity of spirit, resources, and wisdom. He co-produced Book of Travelers (which we recorded at his old home studio in LA), and was an indispensable early sounding board for the songs on this album. And now he’s got a dog named Bing-Bong. How about that?

Having said all that, may I remind you that tour begins on Monday?

The workings of the music business are murkier than ever, but the bottom line is that even an art-house oasis like Nonesuch can’t afford to keep putting out interesting music if no one is paying for it. I’m so grateful to all of you for your continued support, and hope you’ll consider picking up a copy of the record in one format or another if you’ve not yet done so.

All my best, and hope to see you at a gig in the next few months,

Gabriel

[midnghtcities]

better with you

you’re not well. harry wants to make you feel better. word count: 2.3k

(A/N: i’ll admit, this one is pretty self-indulgent. endometriosis affects an estimated 1 in 10 women during their reproductive years, which is approximately 176 million women in the world (source) and i personally know of many women who struggle to have their pain heard. i hate having to put on a brave face when it feels like the inside of my uterus is on fire. so this one is for the people who have to push through the pain especially when no one is there to take care of you!!!)

/ read on wattpad /

It always started low in your belly. Sometimes a flutter or an uncomfortable prickle, other times more sharp, like someone was sweeping the tip of a knife across your abdomen. But you knew what it meant, things weren’t going to be looking so good in the coming hours.

You were always a meticulous planner, you had to be. You always knew roughly when you would be alright to make plans, or when you would be better off staying at home. But when Harry waltzed into your life a few weeks ago, that ideal went out the window. From that first initial coffee and walk around Hyde Park, you craved more and more time with Harry. He was enigmatic, so bright and warm that you worried saying no to hanging out with him would mean he would disappear and take with him that new-found sunshine you had just gotten used to basking in. 

So you knew you could be playing a risky game when Harry texted you, requesting your company for dinner. It had been a busy week for you at work meaning you both hadn’t had much time for each other so you said yes without even thinking. It wasn’t until you looked at your calendar that you realised you probably should have come up with some excuse to say no. But the thought of being with Harry, hearing his honey-like drawl and feeling the warmth of his hand on your waist or back - or potentially somewhere lower - was too hard to resist. Surely it would be fine.

You carefully laid your cutlery down next to the plate of ravioli you were half-way through eating, trying to discern whether this was just a fleeting moment of pain or something more sinister. It was always hard to tell at first and the immediate feeling of panic that accompanied never helped with this determination.

“You okay?” a somewhat concerned voice broke your focus.

You looked up, realising that you had been staring quite fixedly at your plate of food. Harry was sitting across from you, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. In any other moment, you would feel that bubbly thrill rush over knowing that Harry was staring so intently. You still found yourself wondering at times why he was interested in you, but after your fifth date you were starting to believe that maybe it was possible for someone like Harry to be interested in a girl like you. But now, as you sat with a lump in your throat and a cold sheen forming over your body, you wished you were anywhere but here.

You cleared your throat, “Uh, yeah, all good. I just have to go to the bathroom.” You stood up carefully, slipping your bag over your shoulder.

“Are you sure?” Harry sounded very worried now.

“Yeah, yeah,” you tried to morph your face into what felt like a carefree expression, but you knew Harry could see right through you. You quickly turned away and made your way to the restroom before he could question further.

With the bathroom door safely locked, you faced yourself in the mirror’s reflection. Your face had taken on an almost unsightly pallor and there was a beginning layer of perspiration across your brow. You grabbed a hand towel to dab your face dry when a flash of pain ripped across your abdomen. You doubled over, biting hard on your lip to keep any groans of discomfort inside. It was clear that your monthly pain had decided to make an early appearance.

Painful periods were something you always had to deal with. The past year though, each one seemed to be worse than the last. Days had been taken off of work, plans had been cancelled, and you had begun to find yourself becoming a ball of nerves whenever that time of month rolled around. Maybe this period you would be huddled around the toilet bowl for hours on end. Or unable to even get out of bed. What if you were out somewhere alone and suddenly couldn’t walk anymore because being upright hurt too much? You didn’t want to take your chances, so more often than not you would ensure you were at home when you knew you needed to be. This was all before Harry though.

The thought of Harry caused you to perk up a little. The pain had subsided slightly, to more of a dull ache. You took the opportunity to quickly rummage in your bag and down two ibuprofen, something you had begun to always carry. You knew it would be a futile attempt at combating the pain, but you figured it was better than nothing. Three deep breaths later, you carefully walked back out to Harry.

His gaze was fixed on his phone, his left thumb and index finger gripping his bottom lip in what you could only take as an action of restlessness. It looked as though he hadn’t touched his risotto since you had left. As you approached, he looked up. “Are you alright?”

“I’m really sorry,” your voice was shaky. You gripped the back of the chair you had previously occupied, willing yourself to get it together. “I think I need to go home, I’m starting to feel like rubbish.”

Concern flooded Harry’s face, his eyes darting up and down to further assess your appearance. You forced yourself to stand up straighter as though this would portray that you are fine. “Is it the food?” he questioned, looking at his own plate apprehensively.

“No, no. It’s just… I get pain sometimes.”

He looked confused. You weren’t one to broadcast your misgivings, so you knew Harry would be slightly shocked to hear of your chronic condition. “Let me get the bill then,” he stood up whilst motioning for a waiter’s attention. 

“No, please finish your dinner!”

“What?” he looked at you incredulously, “I’m not going to just let you leave alone when you’re clearly not feeling well.”

As you were about to retort, a spasm of hurt ricocheted across your belly leaving you only able to suck in a sharp breath. You squeezed your eyes shut and felt your fingers tighten against the back of the chair. Mere seconds later you felt a comforting warmth envelop you along with the barely-there scent of spice and vanilla -- it was Harry. He had wrapped his arms around you carefully, his right hand pulling your face into his chest.

“What’s going on?” Harry said quietly, trying his best to hide how frantic he was really feeling.

You let go of the chair and gripped onto Harry’s arm, gladly accepting the comforting gesture. It was almost uncanny how the pain seemed to dissipate quickly as you stood there enfolded in Harry.

“Excuse me sir,” you felt Harry’s head turn as a voice intruded upon them, “is everything alright?” It was the waiter that Harry had flagged down.

“I’m sorry, could we just grab the bill please? My partner isn’t feeling too well all of the sudden.”

You blinked your eyes open and carefully pulled out of Harry’s embrace. You had almost forgotten you both were standing in the middle of a restaurant. The waiter had already bustled off to get the bill.

“Hey,” Harry grabbed your hand, giving a gentle squeeze, “are you okay?”

You did your best to plaster on a smile and feign indifference but judging from Harry’s stony gaze there was no point in even pretending that you were alright. “Right now it’s slightly better, but the pain will be back no doubt.”

He nodded once and quickly collected his coat from his chair and phone off of the table. The waiter had returned and before you could even reach for your wallet, Harry had already tapped his card and began leading you out of the restaurant, his arm wrapping around your waist once more. “The Uber should be here in five minutes.”

You could barely voice your thanks when another wave of pain rolled on through, leaving nothing but shaky breaths and clenched fists in its wake. Harry’s arm tightened around you, and you gladly leaned into him as you focused on willing the pain away.

“I’m so sorry,” Harry spoke up a few beats later.

You pulled your head away from his chest, meeting his concerned gaze. “Why are you apologising?”

“I shouldn’t have made dinner tonight seem like such a big deal. I know we haven’t seen each other this week but I didn’t want you to feel pressure to come out even if you’re unwell.”

“I promise I felt fine when I said yes. In fact, I felt completely fine up until 20 minutes ago. It’s just how this thing goes sometimes.”

He looked a little confused.

“It’s… It’s my period,” you continued on hoping to answer the questions that were probably already forming in his mind, “I always get pain around the time of my period. And during as well. It is a little earlier this time though.”

“I have a sister, I’ve never seen her in pain like this though,” he said, eyebrows furrowed.

You just shrugged, wincing slightly as another jab of pain pierced your abdomen.

Harry didn’t question the issue further, instead he turned to rubbing circles against your lower back. But you could tell he was thinking intently. A few minutes later, he spotted the Uber and you both got in. Harry insisted on you scooting over to the middle of the backseat so that he could keep his arm secured around you. It was almost like he was never going to let you go now, and you don’t think you had any issue with that.

You kept your eyes closed the whole car ride, letting the sway of the car lull you into a stupor. A low thrum of pain was present the whole time but at least it didn’t flare up. You knew the less you moved, the better it felt.

“We’re here,” Harry said quietly after some time.

Eyes blinking open, you realised he was right. Harry guided you out of the car and up the steps to your flat. His eyes stayed intensely locked on you as you fished the keys out of your bag. It was hard to mask the intense ache the movements caused but you didn’t want Harry to worry more than he already was.

“Thank you so much for helping me,” you said once inside.

“Don’t thank me yet. Let’s get you into bed. Do you have a hot water bottle? Ibuprofen in the kitchen?”

Your mouth gaped slightly. “Harry, it’s fine. I’ll be alright now.”

He stared back at you slightly incredulously. “Have you seen yourself right now? You can barely stand upright. Just getting your key in the door was an effort and a half. Let me take care of you.”

You felt your eyes prickle with tears, you had forgotten what it was like to have someone want to take care of you. The past year you had battled through the pain alone, you hadn’t realised the simple act of someone offering to make you a hot water bottle would feel so good. 

After telling Harry where to find everything, you gingerly walked down the hall to your room. You changed into your comfiest pair of sweats and eased yourself onto your bed. This definitely wasn’t the worst pain you had been in - no throwing up or collapsing to be seen thank god - but it was enough to make doing the simplest tasks a chore. 

Harry crept in a few minutes later, a mug of steaming tea in one hand and the hot water bottle tucked under his other arm. You graciously accepted the bottle, pressing it against your stomach. A sigh of relief escaped your lips.

“Do you mind?” Harry asked, motioning to the space available next to you.

“Please.”

He stripped off his coat and slipped out of his boots before climbing in carefully beside you. You adjusted your position so that your head lay comfortably against his chest and he could easily cradle your side. The contact seemed to melt the pain away instantly.

“Do you think you have endometriosis?” Harry spoke up a few minutes later.

You hummed in confusion, unsure if you heard him correctly.

“I did some quick research in the car. Your symptoms sound like it could be that. Have you ever gone to a doctor to check it out?”

“They just told me to take pain relief. It’s really hard to diagnose, like, you need surgery. I think if it’s not heavily impacting your life then you just have to deal with it.”

“What?” Harry said in a shocked tone. “It’s clearly impacting! You looked like you were going to pass out in that restaurant. Let’s make an appointment in the morning, I’m going with you… If that’s okay with you.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. How many people had brushed off your pain like you were crazy and here was Harry, researching and wanting to book doctors appointments after an hour. “Come here,” you whispered.

“What?”

“I want to kiss you, you idiot. You have to lean down though, I don’t want to move too much.”

His previously concerned face gave way to a dimple-filled grin as he gladly followed your request. Your lips met, moving in sync immediately. You could tell Harry was being conservative, obviously worried to push things too far, but you were just happy to have him.

“You know,” he said once you both broke apart, “you can buy this little machine that uses electric currents to your nerves and it’s meant to help with the pain.”

“How much research did you do in that car ride?” you said whilst chuckling.

“I was worried!”

You gave him a soft smile, “Thank you. But I think for now I’ll stick with the water bottle. And your cuddles.”

“Are they helping?” Harry said, giving you a squeeze.

“They are. I feel much better with you.” 

The pain did seem to be at bay and for once that accompanying feeling of dread didn’t seem to be eating you up from inside out. For once it felt like you were going to get through this and you would be okay.

[nitannichionne]

If He Was Your Fan, A Henry Cavill Fanfic, Chapter 66: Walk, Trot, Canter, Jump

Chapter 66: Walk, Trot, Canter, Jump

Sorry this took so long! First, I have to get ready for summer day camp. I have been assigned to do more than one age group this year, and now I will have to share some of my exclusive programming that I have done for a decade. I am so nervous; I have had people steal my ideas and/or not give me credit for what I do, so positive and hopeful thoughts, people. The other thing is RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH! This chapter and the next few coming are taking a lot of that for me, so BE READY! I really wanted to get it right, and this took more than usual. Hope it’s worth the wait.

“She really likes you,” you say, watching Henry bond with a horse.

“She knows me,” Henry smiles. “kind of how Luc knows you.” He looks at you and then at the horse. “Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

You step forward slowly.

“Daisy, I’d like you to meet someone special,” he begins. He introduces you and you pet Daisy as well. “You’ve never been to an event before, have you?”

Henry wants you to consider eventing with Luc. Finn is even more excited about the idea. Eventing is like an equestrian beauty and brains pageant, taking part in and competing in categories like dressage, cross-country, and show jumping. He gives you a tour of Hyde Park, and it becomes clear that he is pitching it., It is, after all, located in Kensington, near his home. But, Luc is at Trent, so that must change before you’d consider it.

You have been training with Luc at Trent, and you probably could get through beginner novice, the lowest level, but you are not sure it is for you, or for Luc. As word spreads about you and Luc, you are invited to an equestrian event, your first brush with some of the London elite. You are happy to have Henry at your side today and he seems happy about going, but you really don’t want to. You are happy being in the stables and fields with him. It’s funny to want to go to the event but not interact.

It turns out that eventing was fine. You focus on the riders and horses, smile and say hello as you are introduced. Some people ask you about Luc, and you are more than happy to answer those questions. As you hold Henry’s hand which is warm and assuring, you can’t help but notice three ladies who look like they came out of a catalog. You feel as if they want to talk to you, and not nicely as their eyes are trained on you but are talking to each other. But Henry was a deterrent. Whatever they wanted to say, they didn’t want him to hear, which means they do not mean well.

“You alright?” Henry asks.

“Guess so,” you shrug.

“Overwhelmed?” he gently smiles in understanding.

“A little.”

“I was going to take you to the Royal Albert-a string quartet is playing—”

You gasp, both of you knowing you love listening to string quartets. “Oh, Henry, we can go—”

He shakes his head. “Let’s save that for another day.”

He takes you to Afternoon Tea at The Library. You love it. Tea in the midst of all these books!

“It’s like a Royal Starbucks,” you breathe, looking around.

He laughs at that.

“May I look at the books?” you ask.

The host turns. “You actually want to see them?”

“Yes!” you say with a big smile. “Do you have any first editions?”

The host takes us on a small tour of the library and then seats us.

“You really love your writing history,” he observes aloud.

“Well, some,” you tell him. “there is so much more out there, you know? There are the writers who gained acceptance and acclaim, but there are so many who are just good storytellers and wordsmiths who will never make it here, or might after death when their material is found. Like anything else, sometimes it’s talent that gets you there, but sometimes it’s who you know.”

You overlook the Thames with Big Ben in the background, and you can’t help but smile.

“What?”

“You look like a postcard, babe.”

He flushes slightly, chuckling. He leans forward slightly. “You’re a treat for my eyes, too.”

You smile at his charm, but you are not a postcard and you know it. Though you saw some women in dresses, you were dressed to ride at a moment’s notice. Dressed in a white flowing blouse, tight black leather vest and brown pants, you look more like a commoner. You set your floppy hat aside.

Henry excuses himself to go to the loo and you sit there waiting. You went on arrival before looking at some of the antique books.

“Ah, there she is.”

You look up, and tense at the sight of the three witches from the equestrian event.

“Henry’s newest acquisition.”

You frown at that. You will yourself to say nothing. You set your napkin on your lap.

“Do you really think you’ll keep him?” the blonde asks. “You’re not even from proper or wealthy family. You can’t raise his position, you are--”

You exhale heavily. “Someone he loves?”

“Until the novelty wears off,” she says in a low voice. “He only lasts through that, the infatuation, didn’t you know?”

You take a deep breath. “I guess time will tell then.” Social media was never important to you; in fact you have two identities online-your writing pseudonym and your real one. But these people you cannot avoid. “Thank you for your unsolicited input on a relationship you have no part in. Have a good day.” You raise your hand.

The host rushes over. “Miss?”

“These-ladies-wish me ill. Would you see them to their table, please?”

“We’re done here—”

“Amber?” Henry says. His body his rigid, his blue eyes hard like shards of ice.

Her demeanor becomes bubbly. “Henry, I came by to say hello.”

“Hello,” he nods.

“Linda, Catherine,” Henry curtly nods in acknowledgment.

“Henry,” they greet in unison.

He looks at them and gives a small smile. He introduces you as his significant other. “Good seeing you all, and do take care of yourselves.” He gives a nod to the host.

“This way, please?” the host nods. The ladies give parting glares to both of us before being led away.

“Darling—”

“I’m fine,” you say. “I’m fine.” But all the fears you have about being with Henry are rising like bile inside you. You are trying to assimilate, but there is nothing to do about your lineage or little finances. You are working on the latter, but unless you are a debutante daughter or lost heir, it is highly probable you may never be worth forty million. Times like these you are reminded.

“Do you—do you want to go?” His concern is so clear as he lovingly takes your hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” you say quickly. “I refuse to listen to and care about people who do not care about me, it’s like willfully eating poison.” You smile and he gives you a small smile, giving your hand a squeeze. “I’d rather concentrate on those who do. Besides, our relationship is between us, we won’t allow others in and we won’t let others win, will we?”

His smile widens. “No.”

You look around. “I want to have tea here, Henry, it’s a good choice.”

He brightens. “Love that.”

“What?”

“You’re such a spitfire at times.”

You laugh at him. “Let’s just say my mother had reserves of inner strength I luckily inherited.”

“Yes, one of the reasons I love you.” He kisses your hand.

“And why I love you, Henry.”

@mistress-of-ward @nuggsmum @messyinsomnimaniac @jencanbeyouryengeralt @sweetdreamsofgelato @mary-ann84 @omgkatinka @the-soot-sprite @viking-raider @keanureevesisbae @henryobsessed @summersong69 @sunshine96love @michelehansel @thelastsock @tumblnewby @tenaciousneckpartypainter @rn7rocks @daydreamin83 @ruthoakenshield @musicartmayheminmyheart @kaatelyynn-blog-blog@forallthebrokenheartedthings @alphacancrii @liquorlaughslove @designerwriterchic @tamychm @nikkilynn303 @circesgirl1 @xoxohannahlee @pixie88@fckdeusername @maan24 @kaatelyyynn​ @october505​ @absentmindr​ @introvertedmouse​ @sassy-pelican @griscka75 @kebabgirl67

[knightbird]

Jekyll and Hyde (2015)

Jekyll and Hyde (2015) is officially the second worse show I've watched of 2020. (It almost made first place, but a few days before the new year I watched the first episode of Netflix's Dracula (2020) and....... Yeah.)  That’s not to say I had a bad experience watching it - most of the time, I enjoyed myself!  It’s just... probably best for people whose specific niche interests are present in the show, and not many other viewers.

Jekyll and Hyde is a 10 episode tv series which aired for 3 months in 2015 before being cancelled.  The main character is Robert Jekyll, the grandson of Henry Jekyll, who inherited not only his grandfather’s estate and belongings but also manifests his own version of Hyde.  The setting is the 1930s, with a lot of the action happening in England, as well as some scenes in Ceylon (Sri Lanka).   As Jekyll carries out investigations into his family history and struggles to contain Hyde, he gets swept up in conflicts involving monsters, magic, and secret organizations.

The writing was choppy and inconsistent, and the characters flat. The writers never properly set up any new conflicts or really kept much continuity going, so entering into each of the 10 episodes was jarring. It felt like it was trying to be a monster of the week show, and I wish it was - it would have worked well as that, if they'd had more episodes to work with.

That being said, I largely enjoyed watching it. The experience was much helped by the fact that I was watching with a friend, so there was someone else there to complain or make fun of the show with. There was a lot of additional material to the show aside from just references to Jekyll and Hyde: various supernatural people and creatures both friends and foes, two secret organizations, a handful of magical artefacts, some long lost family members, a curse or two, and other miscellaneous fantasy elements. It's a lot to fit into 10 episodes, and as it goes on it diverges more and more from a story about Jekyll and Hyde and becomes something of a 1930s espionage and mystery urban fantasy with a main character that happens to often turn into a very strong, rude, eyeliner-wearing version of himself.

A lot of plot lines were left trailing or straight up dropped and never mentioned again. I found this frustrating, as I couldn't tell what was important to remember and what would be forgotten immediately after it happened. The main character Jekyll experienced... some level of character development, maybe, but it never felt particularly fulfilling or believable, and Hyde was practically static. The main romantic relationship was stale at best and riddled with cringeworthy moments. The end of the show had an unexpected reveal that recontextualized some of the awkward romance and saved it a little for me, but not enough to consider it a good or believable depiction of what it supposedly was.

The casting was fine, they were all capable actors suited to their roles. The lead actor pulled off the distinct personalities of Jekyll and Hyde very well with just a voice and attitude change - I was never confused as to which side he was playing at any given moment. There were many, many original characters, with pretty memorable and distinct schticks and personalities. Unfortunately, as I said, they tended to feel flat and unrealized. I had a hard time grasping what exactly was going on with most of the villains apart from their basic evil goals, and a lot of the side characters didn't seem to have very good reasons for sticking around as long as they did aside from their scene to scene motivations.  Also, the big bad evil guy that the villains were trying to revive was literally named "Lord Trash," so kudos to the actors for discussing that particular line of conflict with a straight face.

There was not much diversity in the show. Could have been worse I suppose, but definitely could have been better. I believe the only recurring character of colour is Jekyll's adoptive brother Ravi (who is one of my favourite characters). I believe there are three other named characters of colour, each with fairly significant roles in the few episodes they do appear, but who are quickly killed off after their appearances, much to the main character's grief. The female characters all tended to play second fiddle to the main character at the beginning. As the show goes on it does a better job of showing their broader lives, and as more characters are introduced the gender ratio evens out some. (And to be fair, almost everything in the show that isn't a direct focus on the villains does tend to revolve around the protagonist anyways.)The portrayal of women in this show isn't anything nauseating, but probably won't win any feminist awards either.

Despite the writing, pacing, and terrible editing issues, I honestly felt like this show was made by people who had stories they were legitimately excited to tell, and I'm a little sad it got cancelled. The writers seemed to react to the cancellation with understandable frustration - however, the decision to kill off practically the whole main cast via magical explosion in the very last scene did not make for a very fulfilling ending for me. Oh well, you win some you lose some.

It was entertaining enough that, had the show continued, I'd likely have kept watching it, though with low expectations and not much critical thought. I would recommend this show to fans of Jekyll and Hyde who are ok with badly written shows, and who don't mind seeing the concept of Jekyll and Hyde played with, kicked around, and beaten until it barely even resembles the original novel even in a dream, and then thrown behind a bunch of other original plot and some wacky yet shallow original characters.

I don't particularly like numbered ratings, but if I had to give this one, I'd say a 6/10 for personal enjoyment and maybe a 4/10 in terms of a normal person's standards. Would not recommend this to a non Jekyll and Hyde fan looking for a fantasy show.

[pocket-luv101]

Across Time || Chapter 21

Fandom: Servamp Ships: KuroMahi (main), LawLicht (side) Characters: Kuro, Mahiru, Hyde, Licht

Summary: Mahiru falls into a well and is taken to a new, fantasy world. He comes across a half-blooded cat demon trapped in a tree. After he frees Kuro, he helps him collect the shards of the sacred jewel. (KuroMahi, InuYasha AU)

Ch.1 || Ch.2 || Ch.3 || Ch.4 || Ch.5 || Ch.6 || Ch.7 || Ch.8 || Ch.9 || Ch.10 || Ch.11 || Ch.12 || Ch.13 || Ch.14 || Ch.15 || Ch.16 || Ch.17 || Ch.18 || Ch.19 || Ch.20 || (Ch.21) ||

“Mahiru!” Kuro called his name as they fell through the darkness of the mirror. He didn’t know where they were or why his brother attacked them. He shoved those questions aside to focus on saving Mahiru. A few feet from him, Mahiru was trying to center himself as they rapidly descended. He couldn’t see the floor and he worried the landing might kill them.

He shrugged off his haori, he tore the fabric to make it longer. He tied his sword to one end so the weight would help the makeshift rope reach Mahiru. Kuro tossed it towards Mahiru who gripped the tessaiga tightly. He seemed to understand his plan and nodded up to him. With all his strength, Kuro pulled him upwards until he was in reach.

Once they were closer, Mahiru was able to grab his hand. They pulled each other closer and he wrapped his arms around him. Relief washed through him the moment he felt Kuro’s protective embrace. The wind rushing past his cheek reminded him that they were falling. He searched the darkness for something they could do to save themselves.

“I can sense the ground approaching. Cats land on their feet but this might hurt. Can’t deal.” He muttered and adjusted his hold on Mahiru. Kuro cradled him against his chest to protect him the crash. He felt Mahiru’s heart racing through his chest and squeezed him gently. No matter what challenges they might face in the mirror, he would protect him.

Mahiru reached up and cupped his face in his hand. He whispered a chant and warmth spread throughout Kuro’s body. He didn’t understand the ancient spell but he knew that he was giving him his spiritual energy. After he completed the chant, Mahiru summoned a barrier to surround them. He prayed that his spells were enough to support Kuro.

Kuro couldn’t take his eyes off the ground and prepared himself for the impact. The barrier touched the ground first and it slowed their fall slightly. As he landed, the ground cracked and shifted beneath his feet. He lost his footing but he didn’t let go of Mahiru and continued to protect him. They fell to the ground with Mahiru on top of his chest.

For a moment, they merely laid on the ground together and tried to catch their breath. Mahiru was the first to move and he sat up. He immediately looked over Kuro’s body for injuries caused by the fall. Aside from a few scratches caused by debris, he was uninjured. He ran his hand over his cheek lovingly to heal the tiny marks. “Did you cut your feet during the landing?”

“Your spell protected me.” He reassured him and placed his hand over Mahiru’s. Kuro didn’t let go of his hand as they stood and glanced around their surroundings. The ground began to glow and the light drew their attention to it. A small gasp escaped him when he found that they were standing on a large mirror. Cracks covered the ground like a spiderweb. “I hope we don’t fall through again. I only want to go through something like that once in my life.”

“At least we’ll be together if we start falling again.” Mahiru said. He didn’t know how they would be able to escape the mirror. He closed his eyes and projected his spiritual energy to search for anyone nearby. A sigh of disappointed told Kuro that he couldn’t find someone. “I don’t sense Misono or Hyde. Are you able to smell the flowers?”

“No.” He shook his head and a frown passed over Mahiru’s face. Kuro tenderly squeezed his hand to reassure him and the tension left his face. They didn’t exchange a word but the gesture was comfort enough for Mahiru. “The only thing we can do now is wander around and hope we find a route out of the mirror. Be careful not to cut your feet on the broken glass. Do you want me to carry you? I’m a demon so the glass won’t hurt me.”

“I’m fine.” Mahiru was grateful for Kuro’s kindness but he couldn’t ask him to walk through the mirror on his own. He wanted to face the challenge together as partners. “We should clear the shards so the only thing we have to worry about are the cracks.”

He stretched out his hands before him and created a wall with his spiritual power. Slowly, he moved the wall forward. The glass shards were also pushed forward when it met the wall. Mahiru carefully stepped on the clearing and then grinned up at Kuro. “Your control over your power has gotten better. You know a lot more spells too.”

“I can support you in fights but I’m not confident fighting on my own yet.” Mahiru admitted. He did his best to study new techniques but his powers were best for protecting or healing others. The compliment from Kuro made him smile with pride though. He didn’t enjoy fighting so he preferred that his powers could help others.

They explored the dark room with little to help them find their way. Mahiru stepped onto a piece of the mirror and the image beneath him changed. He looked down where a hazy scene played before them. In the glass, a young Misono was speaking with a blond boy. They held a mirror between them and Misono asked: “A mirror? It doesn’t look powerful.”

“That makes the mirror all the more powerful. This heirloom will protect you so always keep it close, Misono.”

The words made Mahiru recall the story Misono told him earlier. His brother had given him the mirror and it allowed him to see everything in the inn. Did the mirror also store the things it had seen? He placed his hand on Kuro’s arm to stop him and gestured to the mirror. He told him his thoughts and added: “These are Misono’s memories. We might be able to find a way to escape if we watch.”

“Can it show us how Misono and my brother met? When I faced him earlier, he said that he owed Misono his life. We’re demons but Lily has always been a good person. He wouldn’t sell those black jewel shards unless he thought it was to protect someone he cared about.” Kuro hadn’t spoken with his brother in years but he still had faith in his kindness.

“I don’t sense a spiritual energy within the mirror so I can’t manipulate it. I wonder how we can search the mirrors for memories.” Mahiru mused and knelt on the ground. He touched the image and a cold wave suddenly rushed over him. He recognized the sensation since he felt something similar when Misono used the mirror’s power on him.

His vision blurred for a few seconds. Mahiru rubbed his eyes and then he opened them to find that the world around him had changed. They were in a castle but the layout was different from the others he saw in the feudal era. Kuro was still beside him but he appeared confused as well. He started to ask him where they could be but then he noticed Misono in the distance.

Misono was a young child and he rolled a marble on a low desk. The violet jewel hit the mirror beside him and then slid off the table. He rushed to catch it but his brother was faster. “You shouldn’t play with the shikon jewel, Misono. I don’t have to remind how powerful the jewel is. The demon souls we used to empower the jewel has made it more powerful but unstable as well.”

“I know that, Mikuni.” Misono pouted. “There’s nothing for me to do while you’re gone. I can only play shogi with Doubt Doubt and I’ve already defeated him five times. It’s not a fun challenge anymore.”

“I have time before I need to deliver the jewel to the buyer. How about you play with your brother? I have to warn you that I’m much smarter than JeJe.” He chuckled and sat across the table from Misono.

“Licht told us about two human brothers who tainted the jewel years ago.” Mahiru hands flew to his mouth when he realized the implication. “I thought that they died.”

“We died over eighty years ago.” The voice caused them to turn around to where Misono stood behind them. Kuro drew his sword and Mahiru gripped his bow yet it quickly became clear that Misono didn’t intend to fight them. He was walked past them and watched the past with lonely eyes. His hands shook slightly around the mirror.

A butterfly landed on the mirror and Misono forced himself to take a deep breath. He turned the mirror and changed the image projected around them. The floor turned to dirt and the first thing Mahiru noticed was a smashed tombstone. Touma stood over the grave but Mahiru knew that he was simply a memory Misono was showing them.

Misono rose out of the grave and coughed dirt from his lungs. Confusion covered his face and he looked around him. He placed his hand over his heart yet he couldn’t feel his heartbeat. His brows furrowed together and he tried to make sense of how he was alive again. A mirror was dropped in front of him and Misono hesitantly picked it up.

“I have resurrected you. Tomorrow, I will do the same for with your brother. The knowledge you two possess may be useful to me. Now, follow me and I will give you shards to taint.” Touma told him. His eyes were cold and Misono gripped the mirror. He summoned shards behind Touma and aimed them at the man’s heart. Without taking his eyes off Misono, he said: “I heard tales of the Alicein siblings. Your pride is the only thing greater than your intelligence.”

Misono screamed in pain and clutched at his chest. Touma took out a pouch and squeezed it in his hand. The pressure on his chest increased and he was forced to lower the mirror shards. “I have revived you but I still hold your life in my hand. I suggest you work with me. If either of you try to betray me, you will die a second time. I promise you that it will be much more painful as well.”

“Since that day, I have made tainted shards for Touma and Mikuni travels the country to sell them. Touma wishes to cause chaos throughout the country. My brother and I believe that he was something more planned but he hasn’t told us.” Misono explained and bit his lip. “Touma is always watching me but my mirror is the only place he cannot enter.”

“I’m sorry that we had to be so aggressive when we attacked you. We wanted Touma to believe that we were fighting.” The butterfly on his mirror spoke and transformed into Snow Lily. He bowed to his brother and continued, “I heard that you were freed but I couldn’t believe it at first. I’m so glad that you’re safe and you are friends with Hyde again.”

“It’s a long story but yours must be a complicated one as well.” Kuro said and nodded towards Misono.

“Once I learned that the curse was broken, I went to see you again. But Touma attacked me. He would’ve killed me if Misono hadn’t been there. He hid me in his mirror and created an illusion that tricked Touma. He thinks I’m dead. I owe Misono my life.” Lily told them. “The Alicein brothers don’t want to help Touma but it’s impossible for them to fight back.”

“Thank you for saving my brother.” Kuro said to Misono. Lily was slightly surprised that his brother was so open with his emotions when he could be awkward in the past. He would show how he cared through his action rather than direct words. He wondered if something had happened to change him. “You can’t fight Touma but you intend to, don’t you, Misono.”

“Yes.” Misono looked down at his mirror. “My brother and I have talked about it many times but we can’t face Touma directly. He can kill us instantly.”

“You want our help? That must be why you dragged us into your mirror where Touma can’t see us here and we can talk freely.” Mahiru was relieved that he wouldn’t have to fight Misono and Lily. “We’re happy to stop Touma. Do you know where he is?”

Misono nodded and flipped his mirror again to change the scene around them. A large castle towered over them. Kuro didn’t recognize the landscape around the castle that could help them find Touma. He looked up at the horizon and noticed that there was light veil over the castle. “Touma’s castle is located beyond the lake of illusions. There is a barrier around the castle as well. It’s nearly impossible to enter it.”

“Do you know if Touma has a weakness?” Mahiru asked.

In answer, Misono lifted his mirror again. “My mirror remembers everything it has seen. For a time, Touma held it. I found a memory that may help us defeat him.”

Mahiru was confused when the reflection wasn’t of Touma. He saw his mother within the mirror and he gasped. He hesitantly touched the image and the world became dark around him. The only light provided for Mahiru was a dim fire in the distance. He was unsure if he should walk through the dark unknown. Why would his mother appear in the mirror? Mahiru felt a hand wrap around his and he looked up at Kuro beside him. He calmed himself and he walked forward.

They entered a cave where two people were speaking. He immediately recognized his mother sitting beside an injured man. Mahiru reminded himself that they were in the past and the woman wasn’t his mother despite the resemblance. When he was closer, he could see that the man Touma. His mother knew Touma in the past? Touma hated his family.

“I found this mirror, Touma. It belonged to a human who was able to manipulate the sacred jewel. This heirloom may help us learn more about the jewel and how to contain it.” Hanako held the mirror in front of her face as she leaned over Touma. “I haven’t been able to unlock the mirror’s power or memories to learn much.”

“Why did you save me?” Touma would ask her the same question each day. “Most would’ve left a demon like me for dead yet you brought me here and treated my injuries. As the eldest daughter of the Shirota family, you should know better than to pity a demon. My legs are broken but I can kill you and take the jewel whenever I want. I can sense that you’re holding the sacred jewel.”

“That’s the reason I decided to rescue you. My family has held the jewel for generation but we have never heard of a person who could sense its presence. Do you have a spell that allows you to do so? When did you discover this ability? Were you born with it?” With each question, she leaned closer to him. Hanako tapped her finger on Touma’s forehead and said, “Reject.”

After she recited the short spell, light exploded from her finger and caused him to slump back against the wall. She chuckled and said, “You can try to kill me but I promise you won’t be able to. I’m not a weak girl and you should know that, Touma. Also, you can’t poison me when I hold the jewel in my heart.”

“… Your family still wishes to sacrifice you to seal away the jewel?” He asked her in a small voice. Silence filled the cave and the only sound between them was the fire cracking nearby. Shadows passed over her face and he couldn’t read her expression. The laughter and teasing had left her voice when she finally answered him.

“It was the reason I was born.” She said and rubbed an ointment over his forehead where she had struck him lightly. “My parents never made it a secret. It’s my duty as the eldest child of the Shirota family to protect the world from the jewel. I cannot change my fate.”

“Then why do you research the jewel so desperately?” His retort made her draw her hand back sharply. She glanced at the mirror beside them and touched the cold glass. “I can still remember the day we met. We were both children and you asked me for everything I knew about the jewel. I didn’t understand why so I didn’t answer. I think I know why now. You want a future you choose for yourselves— like I do.”

“Isn’t it sad?” She touched her heart where the jewel was sealed. “You think the jewel will give you the power to change your future even after you’ve seen how it has destroyed so many. You are truly a foolish man, Touma. This jewel cannot grant your wish. It will only consume you. Is there anything you long for aside from the jewel? Friendship? Family? Love?”

He didn’t answer her and she let out a frustrated breath. Hanako sat next to him and stared at the fire. “I would like to have a family with a good man. We would have a boy and build a simple home for him. It’s impossible now but we might be able to exist in another world. Do you have a similar dream?”

“I know better than to hold foolish dreams like that.” He said instead of answering her directly.

“You believe that lie, don’t you? You won’t give up on taking the jewel because of that. I pity foolish men like you the most.” She said and rose to her foot. Hanako slipped a necklace out from beneath her clothes and swung the pendent from her finger. “This pendent is your weakness. I will use this if you try to steal the jewel after you fully recover.”

Mahiru was pulled out of the scene and he couldn’t move for a moment. He didn’t think seeing his mother again would be so difficult. He was still trying to make sense of the interaction between Touma and his mother. His legs were numb and he wanted to sit down but the mirror room was empty. Kuro wrapped his arms around him and the support helped center him.

Misono didn’t seem to notice how pale Mahiru was and asked, “Do you recognize that pendent? It must be in the possession of the Shirota family even if Hanako didn’t tell your family about its power.”

“I don’t know. I can ask my uncle if he knows.” Mahiru stared at the ground. He stepped forward and placed his hand on Misono’s shoulder. “Thank you for your help. We will stop Touma and free you from his control. He’s watching the outside world. Is there a way to leave without Touma knowing that we’re working together?”

[peonybane]

My main groups

Oh boy. Thanks for the ask, I’ll try to go as in-depth as possible. Get ready for me to just fucking gush.

So I have two main groups: VIXX and BTS.

Please read below the break because this is long as hell. This is also a repost as Tumblr is a dumb dumb.

VIXX:

Voice, Visuals, Values in Excelsis (I know doesn’t make sense but that’s what the boys names themselves). They are the Concept Kings for a reason: Space Vampires, Voodoo Dolls, Cyborgs/Androids, Time, the Greek God trilogy, Perfumes, Duality (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) and so many others.

I consider myself to be a STARLIGHT in terms of kpop first before anything else other than just enjoying all of it. VIXX will always be my number one group because they helped me out of a really dark place in my life and because of that, I can’t really replace them with anyone else. With that being said, I look at them as if they are my older brothers, which makes looking at them in a sexual way almost impossible for me (despite one of the fancams later, I just think that fancam is so interesting). So I am very, very soft towards them. I almost cried at a concert for Ravi because I was so moved at being able to meet someone I very much look up to.

So even though I was technically introduced to kpop via either BigBang (with Fantastic Baby) or BTS (with DNA), it wasn’t until VIXX that I really got into them.

My first song with VIXX was Error. I had never seen anything like Error before and it fascinated me, I was really hooked by that video. My sister and I watched that video about… 20 times in a row. And I never looked back.

My bias is Ravi. For those who don’t: he is the Rapper of the group as well as one of the main dancers. He has a deep ass voice, he looks rather scary, but he is probably one of the purest human beings on the planet. He’s a workaholic, he’s the best dog dad, he’s a shy, sweet mess (he’s best friends with Jimin of BTS and Kai of EXO, if that don’t explain much, nothing will). I saw him in concert this past May and it was just… I was in awe. He’s very down to earth and tall as fuuuuuuuuck (all of them are, the shortest is 5′11). He recently left Jellyfish Entertainment (Jelpi) to start his own production agency, GROOVL1N. The most fascinating thing about this for me is that he left on good terms with Jelpi and is still part of VIXX. No entertainment company is perfect, but I think is pretty damn close. They give their artists artistic freedom, they protect their privacy fiercely (STARLIGHTS not particularly invasive, but no one really knows anything about their private lives), and they don’t force their artists to do things that would be bad for them (I can’t find the footage, but there have been instances where instead of telling Leo not to eat, they try to make him eat, I’ll talk about that more later). What Jelpi lacks is promoting and caring about international fans. I’m pretty sure that’s why Ravi left because even though they are on good terms, that is what Jelpi lacks and Ravi really makes the international STARLIGHTS (I mean they all do, but Ravi especially) feel like they are loved.

Favorite song is kinda hard. For Title Tracks, G.R.8.U., On and On, and Fantasy are definitely tied for first place. For non-title tracks, Trigger and Light Me Up (little bit of a cheat, this is one of my favorite performances and this the Rock version) fuck me up and get me hyped. My favorite Japanese Track is Depend on Me which is basically the exact opposite of Chained Up. Because they love their STARLIGHTS so much, they have a song dedicated to us on each album, so my favorite STARLIGHT song is Milky Way.

My bias wrecker (lord help me) is Hyuk. Hyuk is the maknae of the group. He started out of the pipsqueak of the group and now dominates his hyung. He clocks in at about 6′4 and is a fucking wall. He looks like a Samoyed. He’s got a lovely voice. He sounds like Onew of SHINee. He’s incredibly manly and is weird AF. He recently made his solo debut this last winter with the ballad, Boy with a Star.

So my favorite Era was… the Conception Era. This is sort of a cheat as it encompasses a concept trilogy. It’s based on three greek gods of masculine traits which tell a love story conceptually: Zelos (god of rivalry, zeal, and jealousy) with Dynamite, Hades (god of wealth, the afterlife, and desire) Fantasy, which I think is a retelling of the Orpheus myth, and finally Kratos (god of strength and rule) with the Closer. It’s just a beautiful interconnected era.

My favorite fancams…

This Chained Up Ravi Focus (gird your loins)

This “Manager Kim” Concert video

This “(Im)perfect Boyfriends to Order” Concert video

Hyukspatch

Toy Story Fantasy Performance (if you watch nothing else, watch this)

There’s certainly more but this is what came to mind immediately.

Little tidbits otherwise, I’ll never get to BTS:

Hongbin is my icon. He’s the visual of the group, the sub rapper, he’s a gamer (has his own twitch, don’t know how to get to it since I don’t have twitch), and he’s probably the most under appreciated. Enjoy his Cool Love collab with Hyungwon of Monsta X.

N, Mr. Cha Hakyeon, is the leader of the group and he’s your favorite whether or not you believe it to be. He is currently doing his military service. We all though we would not see or hear from while he’s doing his service… I see his face everyday on my dash and I love his egg head. He was in the Children of Nobody and he’s an amazing dancer.

Ken is the would be maknae of the group and I would say that’s he’s got not only the best voice in the group, but also the best eyebrows. He’s all about acting cutesy. He is a stage actor and is absolutely amazing. I want to see one of his plays one of these days.

Now, before you come for me with your pitchforks, I love all of them, just some of them piss me off more than others, but I wouldn’t get this mad if I didn’t care. Leo pisses me the hell off. He needs someone to take care of him because he’s sacrificing his mental and physical health to satisfy people who don’t actually care about him. At roughly 6 feet tall, he weighs between 130 to 145 pounds. He’s talked about some behavior that is incredibly unhealthy and it breaks my heart (he talked about how he once binge ate then worked out until he practically passed out). He’s talked about how he’s absolutely drained after a practice for his solo and… his choreography is incredibly simple. I hate that he feels like he has to be impossibly skinny for people to love him.

Moving on from the angry stuff, VIXX is one of the nation’s prides. The president of Korea is a known fan of VIXX and the last time I checked, N is STILL one of the promotional images on the president’s website.

If you have any questions for me about VIXX, please let me know and I’d love to talk about it.

BTS:

I’m going to be a little more brief with BTS, since the majority of people know them.

So as mentioned before my first song with BTS is DNA. It didn’t leave a big impression on me. It was simply something I’d play in the background while I was finishing up work for the evening at my old job. Dope is the song that really pulled me in. I don’t know what it is about it, but it just really pulled me in.

I am *sigh* double biased, something that @ropeseok​ has made me come to terms with. My ideal is Namjoon. I really like his voice, I think he’s adorable with his hard exterior and ooeygooey center. It also helps that he’s, well, kinda like me in that he’s a brain. My other bias is Taehyung. He is probably the more realistic type of person to me. I like the idea of Namjoon. But Tae… Tae is more of the person that I need. He’s very touchy, he’s emotional, he’s true, he’s sweet, a bit child like, he’s very intelligent, but keeps it on the down low. If that makes sense.

My favorite title track is Boy in Luv. I can listen to it forever. For non-title tracks it would be First Love, Magic Shop, and Persona. My favorite Japanese Track is Crystal Snow.

Since Tae had been my bias wrecker for a while, I don’t really think I have one BUT because of someone’s influence… probably Jin. Fine, I’ll admit it, I’m a Kim line heaux.

My favorite era…. it really depends on each boy. Like for Namjoon, I love the Danger and Not Today eras. For Jin, it would have to be, ironically enough, anytime of the early eras cuz he looks lovely as hell with eyeliner and I just think he’s got this hidden bad boy energy that was able to come out during this time. For Yoongi is would be MIC DROP. He was in his fucking element. Plain and simple. For Hoseok, it was Blood, Sweat, and Tears, BST was probably one of their best eras overall, but Hoseok just fucking made it his bitch. For Jimin it was BST as well but also any of the early eras. Like Jin, he’s got this hidden ferocity that I feel like is being kept hidden behind a closely guarded wall. I also just like his hair black and when he wasn’t necessarily starving himself. For Tae… Fake Love. I think he really found his element with the ballads like Singularity and darker themes, especially now that he’s all grown up and doesn’t look like a child. For Jungkook… Dope. There was something about the uniform and the energy that really just fit him.

I’m not going to do favorite famcams as the moment I start collecting videos, I’m going to be overwhelmed with different versions and this is already ridiculously long.

Tidbits:

I really like their darker works. I really wish they’d go back to those.

I don’t want anymore collaborations with Western artists. I think it would be really cool if they collabed with another Korean group or artist. I would like to see Jimin and Ravi work together. I think their different voices would work amazingly together.

I am probably the most similar to Jimin. Everyone’s who’s ever known me and knows Kpop often compares me to Jimin.

Yeontan, along with Ravi’s dog, Butt, are my fashion icons.

Once again, I love them all, but if I had to name my least favorites, it would have to be Jimin and Jungkook. Jimin because, he’s incredibly hard for me to write. I get extremely frustrated writing about him. I work best when there’s a certain amount of emotional/psychological distance between me and the person I’m writing about because then I can comfortably extrapolate. He and I are way too close, which makes it hard for me to really describe him as someone else if that makes sense. As for Jungkook, I have a very hard time understanding him. I know that a lot of people love mysterious people, but I find them to be incredibly frustrating. I think he’s incredibly talented and nice, but I’m frustrated by the fact that’s impossible for me to get an idea of what he’s like beyond that surface layer.

So that is that.

I hope you got your answer sweet Anon. I am so sorry that is was so freaking long.

-UwU~

250 followers ask game

[honeycombcal]

40 calum

40: Who gave you that black eye?!

You winced as you held the bag of frozen peas to your face, the thin cloth that you’d wrapped around the bag doing little to help the cold that burned your skin. Your eyes were already swollen from crying, and you knew in a couple hours, it would only get worse. 

You knew that you needed to break it off months prior, but you just couldn’t gather the courage to do so. Emmett was kind and affectionate most of the time, but add just a drop of liquor and he seemed to do a complete 180, making him your very own Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The first time you’d seen him drunk, he pinned your wrists behind your back while he yelled in your face, convinced you were cheating on him. The bruises he left took a week to fade, forcing you to wear long sleeves despite the sweltering LA weather. That should’ve been the first and only red flag you needed, but when you woke to Emmett standing at your door with a bouquet of flowers and red rimmed eyes, you couldn’t help but forgive him. 

Damn, did that end up biting you in the ass.

You tried to settle into your couch, tried to forget about the last few hours and focus on the movie playing in front of you, but it was all in vain. Your mind raced, images replaying in your head. You’d tried to be kind, tried to end things on a good note, but Emmett wasn’t having it. He smashed your lamp and toppled over your coffee table before he took his rage out on you. You shuddered as you remembered his hand making contact with your face, ultimately splitting your bottom lip and leaving the shadow of a bruise on your right eye and cheek. He’d finally stormed out on his own, slamming your front door shut behind him so hard you thought he might crack the frame. You raced towards it to lock it before he could change his mind and come back to inflict even more damage, sliding down the door and sobbing for what felt like ages before picking yourself up. 

And now here you were, tending to your wounds in what should be the comfort of your own home. But as you looked around your mess of a living room, the last thing you felt was anything close to comfort. 

Your phone ringing brought you out of your flashbacks, making you jump as you cautiously checked the caller ID. Your best friend, Calum, wanted to FaceTime you and you thought about declining the call but knew that he would probably just show up if you didn’t answer; you always answered. So, you pressed the green button to accept the call and held the phone on the half of your face that wasn’t bruised.

“Hey doll, what are you up to?” Calum chimed once the call connected. Your heart fluttered at the term of endearment he often used for you. He was in his car, sunglasses covering his dark eyes and a trucker hat hiding his dark curls, save for the ones that escaped on the side. He looked adorable and you wanted nothing more than to cuddle into your best friend’s side after the day you’ve had.

“Oh, just the usual,” you told him, hoping your voice didn’t give away how utterly spent you felt. He glanced down at his phone, taking his attention away from the road and you wished you could see his eyes, wished you could see the expression they held. 

“Bein’ a lazy bum?” he chuckled, making the corners of your lips pull up into a smile before the pain from your cut made you wince.

“Everythin’ okay?” he asked, seeming to notice.

“Hmm? Yeah, everything is fine,” you told him, but you were a shit liar and he knew it.

“No it’s not. What’s wrong? Why have you only got the camera on half of your face?” Calum questioned, and suddenly you felt the burning of unshed tears again. 

“I just look like shit, that’s all,” you brushed him off, but he frowned, his plump lips pouting.

“Why are you lyin’? What happened?” He was persistent, something you normally admired about him but now you just wished he would stop.

“Nothing happened, Cal!” you snapped, but you’d made the mistake of moving the camera off of the left half of your face. You heard Calum’s sharp intake of breath before you noticed your mistake, and you quickly moved the camera back.

“What the fuck-?”

“I gotta go, Cal, I’ll talk to you later,” you rushed, Calum trying to call your name before you ended the call. You exhaled deeply, cursing yourself for fucking up. You knew it would be a matter of minutes before he was at your apartment.

Right on cue, five minutes later, a pounding sounded on your front door.

“Y/N! Open the fucking door!” his low voice bellowed, making you wince. You were tired of being yelled at today, and you made no move to get up from the couch. But then you heard the click of the lock and groaned, forgetting that you had given him a key.

His loud boots thudded across the hardwood before he stood before you, sunglasses gone and his dark eyes narrow before he took in your appearance. They widened, his jaw going slack as he knelt in front of you. He brought his hand up to your bruised face, and you tried to pull away but you didn’t have the energy to resist his touch.

“What… who gave you that black eye?!” he murmured, his eyes full of anger and sadness. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, tears streaking down your face as you looked at your lap.

“Was it- was it him?” he growled, and your head snapped up at his tone. The look on his face was deadly, and you knew that his anger was flaring. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” you sighed, your hand clasping over Calum’s.

“I’ll kill him-”“Cal, no. It’s over and done with. I broke up with him, he’s out of my life. Please, just let it go,” you pleaded with him, squeezing his hand. His eyes were still hardened, his jaw clenched.

“For me,” you whispered, knowing that would do it. His eyes immediately softened, his jaw relaxing before he brought your hand to his lips. You sighed as he pressed his lips to your knuckles.

“You deserve so much better, ya know,” he murmured against your knuckles, his dark eyes looking up at you from under his lashes. 

You swallowed, wondering if he meant what you thought he did. Your feelings for Calum had only increased over the years of your friendship, and you struggled to push them away but always trying to by dating other guys. Clearly, that never seemed to work. 

“Calum…” you started, but he shook his head.

“You should get some rest,” he interrupted, pulling your hand so you were standing before him. He leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“We can talk about it later,” he tells you.

“Will you stay? Please?” you asked, not wanting to be alone right now. 

He gave you a soft smile, your favorite smile, before nodding. He led you to your bedroom and pulled the comforter back for you to climb in. He slid in behind you, his strong arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you close. 

“’M never gonna let anything like this happen to you again,” he murmured, so softly you almost didn’t hear, before sleep took over. 

[all-thingsstrange]

Gasoline, part 2

Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me? Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?

James knew from the beginning he was playing with fire.  He knew the fate of the last man who tried what he’d tried.  He knew that it was madness, and he did it anyway.  It burned at his chest, searing away most of himself, until a strange new creature was all that was left behind.

But his eyes were already old and world-weary when they opened, green and sorrowful, for the first time.  His life had come at a cost, after all.  A heavy price.  

Even as he mixed the serum again, Jamie knew the price was high.  For both of them.

Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me? Pointing fingers 'cause you'll never take the blame like me?

Maybe if he’d stopped after the first try, he couldn’t call himself as much of an idiot.  But he did it a second time, burning away a different area, leaving a different stranger to face the world with new eyes.  Brighter, more curious brown eyes.  

A light happiness had filled his soul that first time.  There was no cost to his life, no price to this facet.  Maybe that’s why it turned so dark, so quickly.  

Maybe that’s why after the fact Jamie found it a convenient scapegoat, forgetting that its feelings were founded on his own.  But he still made the potion, still mixed the ingredients to the compound with the salts already prepared.  

He still wished to let them take the burden of his guilt instead of himself.

His hand scratched the page of the notebook as he stirred.  One more dose, just one of each, and the deed would be done.

And all the people say

Nora had tried to warn him.  And he hadn’t even lost her over the damned experiment.  Well, he had and he hadn’t.  He’d learned the hard way that immense stress initiated the transformation process. But if it hadn’t happened... would he have left? Was he a coward, the way she accused him of being one?

Professor Davies had been too late to stop him the second time, but his warnings still rung around Jamie’s ears.  ‘Only a fool would experiment on himself.’ ‘Dr. Jekyll met a bad end you know.’ And most direct, ‘But if - when - you become something that people will tell their children about to scare them, I will end you.’  As if that change was inevitable.  Jamie hoped not.  

John... John might be the only thing keeping him from becoming that thing, the boogeyman, that Adam described.  He hadn’t been there to warn him about the first one, and really... that first one was the reason Jamie knew him at all.  Their relationship was supposed to help him.  He was there for the second.  If Jamie had listened to him... maybe he’d be just a little broken, not nearly as much as he’d become.

He remembered reading, somewhere in Jekyll’s notes, how perhaps breaking one piece of the mechanism of the mind might be good for the overall machine.  It was a cold description, but Jamie had found it fascinating, along with the argument for this point.  It was like an amputation.  But while Jekyll felt that the amputation must be of the minor “shard”, or what Jamie called the “facet”, Jamie felt that... that it would be better for everyone to let his shards do as they would.  

Without him.

You can't wake up, this is not a dream You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline

“James, listen to yourself!” Despite the emphasis, John’s voice was weak.  Quiet.  It faltered a little at the end, tapering off when Jamie winced.  “You’re going to destroy yourself, and for what?”

His eyes drifted to the mirror.  He remembered how Jekyll described seeing Hyde in his reflection - his body, behaving of its own accord.  There were descriptions of his shadow doing the same.  Jamie, for whatever reason, perceived his facets differently.  His shadow was short, the basic frame of those facets.  And in his reflection, overlaid over his own face, was one similar to his own but not the same.  

“You know what for.” His voice was weary.  “Damn it, John, you know how I feel.  And it won’t... it won’t last forever, I’ve already figured that out.  But maybe it will last long enough.” 

“Hey, Johnny,” another voice piped up.  Jacob’s voice. It wasn’t angry, just confused.  “Why’re you all in knots about this? Jamie’s given you half the deal.  Don’t you want a little extra breathing room?” 

John sighed, eyes as sad as ever.  “Jacob, as much as I know you’re going to enjoy this, even you have to realize this isn’t any good for anyone.  You’re going to eventually burn out of your freedom spree.” 

“As if,” the darker voice scoffed. 

“Oh, come on.  The second you get bored you’re going to want Jamie back, and by then it’ll  be too late.” 

“If we’re goin by that logic, you don’t get bored.  You’d spend the whole day sittin in a church.  Exactly what you want to do.  And if I get bored, I’ll have you to poke at.” 

“Please,” Jamie finally interjected, exasperated.  “Please stop.  I’ve already made up my mind.” He looked into John’s face.  “Free will - that’s what you keep reminding me I have, right? I have the freedom to make this choice.  It’s the choice I want to make.  So please, let me make it.  Alright?” 

John’s green eyes were solemn.  He didn’t respond, but Jamie felt his last bit of resistance fade away.  

“Thank you.” 

Ooooooh, I think there's a flaw in my code

He shouldn’t have felt pleasure at watching the mixture bubble and smoke.  Shouldn’t have been happy knowing in a few minutes he’d just fade away.  He glanced at the window, at the sunrise, then back at the vial, turning from red to violet.  It didn’t change to green.  That was alright, that was what the purified salts did compared to the impure.  

It was alright, feeling like this.  It was better than feeling guilty.  

He put the whole vial to his lips, and drank it in a swallow. 

These voices won't leave me alone

Pain expanded outward from his chest.  He doubled over with a shout, a scream, rather.  Agony shot through his veins, his bones, his muscles, as his physiology changed.  As he was condensed.  As his features became slightly sharper, his eyes changed from hazel to a lighter hue, as his hair paled from its natural red.

The pain faded away, and as Jamie fell asleep for the last time in a long time, the blond man on the ground sobbed gently, shaking, into his hands.  Grieving.

Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold

____

Part 1

[thejilyship]

Wishing you all a good evening

AN: Part 1 of who knows how many. I’m guessing that it will have four or five parts, but also, those are famous last words because I’m terrible at making things short. I’ve accomplished it once, but only once. We’ll see. 

WC: 6.3K

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX | PART SEVEN | ff.net

UCL News didn’t have any particular ring to it. It didn’t garner a lot of attention and actually seemed to have the ability to make signs, newspapers or t-shirts invisible.

Lily Evans had been working in the UCL news department since she was a freshman, and three years later, she was one of the lead anchors on the cable access news program that ran from six to seven three evenings a week. She had first joined because her friend Mary had decided at the time that she really wanted to be a news anchor. But then Mary decided that maybe she wanted to be a zoologist and got a job at the local zoo, and Lily had already made friends and decided to stay. Working for the show awarded her credits. And she got paid. It was less than minimum wage, but still something.

When she’d first started school she hadn’t a clue what it was that she wanted to do. She was just sticking her toes in the water and peeking around and trying a little of everything. Now that she was a junior, she had long since declared a major. Digital Media seemed to be the smart choice given her utter fascination with the production of the show.

Over the last three years, she’d found that she very much enjoyed being in front of and behind the camera. She liked directing the cuts, she liked piecing together the stories and the clips that they added when they did more in-depth stories, she liked working on the writing, the editing; all of it really. And working for the station was a very low risk way to get experience. She heard from one of the professors who worked in the department that there were only about twelve people who regularly watched their news program. And Lily could guess which twelve professors remembered to tune in every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

“And that’s been the news,” Her co-host said with a brilliantly dazzling smile.

“We do have one more announcement to make however,” Lily said with a practiced lilt to her voice. Mary made fun of what she called Lily’s ‘television voice.’ But Lily knew that everyone who had ever been put in front of a camera screen in this news room had a different way of talking than when they were off screen.

“Yes, this is actually going to be my last broadcast,” His name was Michael and Lily had never really liked him, though she could appreciate that he had a certain presence about him. And that’s why he’d been picked up by a public news station that reached more than twelve people. “Starting Monday morning, you can find me working as a junior anchor over at Good Morning London.” She could hear how proud of himself he was, and she tried to remember that people were allowed to be proud of themselves, that he should be proud. He hadn’t even graduated yet and he was a junior anchor on a highly rated show.

“We’ll miss you around here, Michael.”

“Of course you will,” He said, which wasn’t what they had scripted, but Lily kept smiling. “I’m the best thing about this show.” Lily’s brows shot up a bit and then Michael laughed. “Only joking, it’s been a pleasure.”

“Thank you,” She said a bit more tersely. “Wishing you all a good evening, I’m Lily Evans.”

“And I’m Michael Diggory.” And then the red light went off and Lily pushed herself away from the desk.

“There was no need to be a dick, Diggory.”

“What does it matter, only twelve people saw it.” He rolled his eyes and started walking away. Lily wasn’t the only one that knew their show didn’t have a wide audience of course. It was a running joke among most of the members of the crew. But even if there were less than twenty people (out of the thirty thousand that to school at UCL) Lily still wanted to make sure that it went over perfectly. Or as close to perfectly as she could get it.

She pulled her hair up into a loose plait and started towards her ‘dressing room’ of sorts. It was actually just a closest that had all the jackets and blazers that the people who were going on air wore, but when she’d become an anchor and started staying later most nights to work on different pieces for the show, the space had just sort of become hers. Not officially of course, but Michael had always found it annoying that she had a designated space and he didn’t. He picked his backpack up off the couch that was behind the camera and left without saying much to anyone.

Lily sat down at her desk and pulled out a notebook, making a few notes that she could remember from the show, and then headed towards the breakroom to get a coffee before she sat down with Marlene McKinnon and Emmett Dackery to re-watch the show. It was Friday, and most people were going out, but that’s what Saturdays were for in her mind. Friday nights were spent working on and perfecting their show.

“It was a great run,” Marlene said, pulling her glasses down from her almost insanely bushy hair and pushing them up the bridge of her nose. “Apart from Michael being terrible that is.”

“I could probably catch up with him before he reaches his car and give his new viewers something to look at for Monday.” Emmett offered, though it was all in jest. Emmett was well over six feet tall, with a very large stature, but the only time he ever hurt anyone was when he was playing rugby.

“Oh please do it,” Marlene sighed, “I can’t stand him and his pompous attitude. He drives me nuts.”

“He’s a ponce.” Lily agreed, albite with a bit more vulgarity. “But he’s gone now.”

“He is gone now. Which means that we’re going to have to go through our last round of auditions on Sunday.”

“You couldn’t allow me a moment of reprieve?” Lily asked, sighing as she thought about the audition process to come.

“There is no reprieve when we only have one anchor.” Marlene pointed out.

“He was supposed to be here next week.” Lily muttered, pushing open a door at the end of the corridor that they’d been walking down and taking a seat in front of the computer. Their station wasn’t all that well funded, but they made due with what they had rather splendidly. Two cameras, one new computer, three older ones, a greenscreen (that had once been a world map, but Lily and Marlene had painted over it) and a few other odds and ends.

“I know, but now this was his last show and we’re going to have to find his replacement sooner.” Marlene ran a hand through her hair and then pulled up a wheelie chair next to Lily. Emmett did the same and the three of them proceeded to watch through their show, make notes of ways to improve and talk about their potential new anchor for their Monday show.

“You could just do it on your own until we find someone who fits.” Emmett suggested.

Lily shook her head, “I don’t think Professor Flitwick would like that. The point of the show is to give people an opportunity to try and if we waited for perfection he might intervene.” Normally their professor who was in charge of the students who ran the station was a hands-off kind of guy and Lily liked it that way. “Though you know, you could always be my co-anchor.” She grinned, leaning closer to him and giving him her best ‘oh-please-would-you’ smile.

Emmett shook his head and laughed. “You know that I can only be here during Friday and Monday’s shows. You need someone who can be here for all three shows.” Lily sighed and looked over at Marlene, though she’d be beating a dead horse if she asked again.

“Don’t look at me.” Marlene said in leu of answering the unasked question and Lily sighed.

“Alright, so you two are useless and I have no co-host.”

“There are people coming in on Sunday.”

“I know I know, but that’s the day before the first show we do in a post-Michael world.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair and pulling out her ponytail, only to put it back up again.  “And I’d like a bit more time to prepare-“ Just then there was a loud cheering that came from the main room down the hall.

“You think they put on the football game?” Marlene asked Emmett, since Lily had no interest in any of the school sports. Though she could be caught at a Rugby game supporting Emmett.

“They usually do.” He nodded, leaning back in his chair to try and hear what was going on.

“Five more minutes of footage and then I’ll release you.” Lily assured him with a smile.

“Five more minutes. You can have ten if you’d like.” He smirked, and Lily shook her head.

“Just five will do,” She jotted down another note, her page now entirely full of things to go over on their Sunday meeting. “I really am dreading Sunday.”

“I know,” Marlene said. “But I’ll bring you one of those donuts you like from that café by the river-“

“And I’ll be here.” Emmett winked, causing both girls to chuckled. He was a nice bloke, always flirting and causing a laugh.

“Well with donuts and Emmett, I should be able to get through anything.” Lily nodded, ex-ing out of the program now that they’d finished watching everything except Michael being a dick. Lily didn’t need to see that again.

“POTTER! POTTER! POTTER!” Came a cheer from down the hall and Emmett jumped to his feet.

“I love you both, but I have to go and see what’s happening.” He raced off and Lily and Marlene waved him off.

“You know, I think we should revamp the website.” Lily mused, adding another note to her paper.

“You suggest doing that at least once a month.”

“Well I don’t much like it.” She shrugged. “We’ll get it there though.” She grinned. “Do you have plans for tonight?” Marlene nodded.

“I do actually. Benjy and Bertram invited me to go to this ‘Art in the Dark’ thing over in Hyde Park. Apparently, everyone’s going to get high and draw with chalk all over the pavement.” She shrugged.

Lily laughed and nodded, “Sounds like something Mary would be into.”

“How is she anyway, I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“She’s good,” Lily shrugged. “Busy. She’s pre-med now. I think this one will stick.”

“Oh.” Marlene put a hand over her heart. “Our little flower child is growing up.”

“You’re the flower child, Mary is more the wild child.”

“And what does that make you?” Marlene asked, standing up and reaching for her bag that she’d ditched in the corner of the room before the show started.

Lily pursed her lips and shrugged one of her shoulders. “I am and always have been the mum friend.” She said. “Don’t forget to drink water after you get drunk tonight and text me when you get home.”

Marlene chuckled and leaned over to kiss Lily’s cheek. “Will do love. You’re not just going home are you? Because you can come with me if you want.”

“Oh no, I have plans.”

“Library plans?” She asked, raising a brow.

“No, actual plans.” Lily said, though she remained vague since she didn’t actually have plans. Marlene accepted that Lily was not going to tell her whatever her plans are and left with a smile and promised to see her on Sunday. Lily took her time packing up, making sure that everything is in its proper place or turned off before locking up the ‘production room’ and heading back to the main stage. They used an old projector to watch the game on the wall where the green screen normally was. Every Friday they watched the games, and every Friday, Lily left before they were over.

She used to like football. It had been something she’d played as a kid and in secondary school and she’d gone to too many games to count with her dad. But then he died, and she lost interest.

She waved to a few people on her way out and then started towards the train station. She didn’t have a car, and didn’t care to have one. She didn’t think there was much use of a car while living in London. Especially as a student, when the furthest place she would have to go on a daily basis was normally within walking distance of her flat.

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket as she reached the train station. She pulled it out and saw that she had four texts from Mary.

Mary: Don’t hate me.

Mary: Our fish is dead.

Mary: Also, we’re out of milk.

Mary: Also, I invited a few people over to watch the game.

There was about an hour in between the last three. Lily was a notoriously terrible texter. She couldn’t even blame it on the fact that she’d just been doing a show, because she could have been doing anything and the thought to check her phone just wouldn’t have dawned on her. Her phone was mainly used to call her mum and to make sure her drunk friends made it home alright.

Lily re-read Mary’s texts as she sat down on the train and narrowed her brow.

Lily: We don’t have a fish??

Lily: Also you’re lactose intolerant??

Mary: Okay well I found a dead fish in our flat. And my girlfriend is not and drank it all because she’s a twat

Lily: Well that raises some questions. And You really do know how to pick ‘em

Mary: Are you sure we didn’t have a fish? And you can’t be mean. At least I’m trying.

Lily: Positive. Ask your girlfriend about it.

Lily: I can be mean. It’s what I do best.

She put her phone back in her pocket and looked around the train. There weren’t many people on. Lily figured they had all already made it to where they wanted to go by now. All the students were at the game, or at a pub watching the game, or at someone’s flat watching the game. Or if you were friends with Marlene, you were getting high in a park to do chalk art. Lily hoped that Mary had invited some people that Lily knew.

oOoOoOo

Lily found herself crammed onto her sofa between Emmeline Vance (Mary’s twat girlfriend who actually wasn’t a twat, but a very nice girl who Lily actually liked quite a bit) and Dorcas Meadows. Hestia Jones was there, and Gwenog as well.  Lily was glad that Mary hadn’t been lying when she’d said that she’d invited a ‘few’ people over. She’d said that before and Lily had walked into a full-blown party. And they didn’t have room for that. But this was nice. She liked these girls.

“Jesus that boy is fit.” Hestia rested her chin on her palm and sighed longingly.

“Are you staring at Potter’s arse again?” Gwen asked, giving her cousin a look. “Because we’re going to see him tomorrow and I’ll tell him that you’re at it again.”

“Oh, come off it. You know he’s fit.” Hestia and Gwen both played football for the girl’s league. Apparently on Saturdays the boys and girls practiced together.

“Okay I won’t tell James, I’ll tell your boyfriend.” Gwen threatened.

Hestia sat up straight and leaned over to push Gwen off the couch. The older girl fell onto the floor and Lily laughed into her drink. “My boyfriend knows that James is fit. Everyone in the bloody school knows he’s fit.” She said indignantly, pushing herself to her feet.

“He’s not that fit.” Lily shrugged, and suddenly all eyes were on her. She sighed and pushed her way off the couch. “Okay he’s fit but he’s not as fit as everyone makes him out to be. Like there are bloke who are better looking. But everyone just ogles him, and it doesn’t make sense.”

“Being good at football makes you better looking than you already are,” Emmeline said, as though that explained it all.

“I understand that some of you feel that way, but I think being a nice bloke, not having your head up your arse and being able to hold an actual conversation about something other than football makes you more attractive.”

“You had one conversation with the boy two years ago.” Mary sighed, “You have to stop bringing it up.”

“He was sloshed.” Dorcas chimed in.

“And none of you are friends with him- with the exception of Gwen,” She said before the girl could protest. “So you can’t tell me that he’s not as conceited as his twitter feed would lead one to believe.”

Emmeline shrugged, “I always read his tweets as though he’s trying to be funny. When he writes, ‘Who’s the greatest center forward of all time?’ he’s just being cute. Not conceited.”

Lily pursed her lips and shook her head. “He tweeted out yesterday ‘Aren’t you all so lucky to have me?’ How did that not make you throw up a little in your mouth?”

“Okay that’s not really cute,” Emmeline laughed, “But we are lucky to have him.”

“All I’m saying is that a little humility would go a long way.”

They couldn’t really argue with that, but Mary did anyway. “You’re just pissed because Michael was a little bitch on air today.”

“You saw that?” Lily sighed, forgetting about James and all ready to go off about Michael, which they let her, until the commercials ended, and the game came back on. Mary motioned her over to the kitchen and leaned up against the counter.

“You alright?” She asked.

“Yeah, I’m just going to be stressed out this weekend. I should be completely fine or infinitely worse come Monday night.” She grinned and Mary reached out and pinched her cheek.

“You really like, Em?” She asked, looking over at the couch and biting on the tip of her thumb, a nervous habit of hers. “Because what you said over text-“

“Mary, I was just giving you a hard time.” Lily interrupted. “She’s great. Even if she drank all the milk. It’s probably for the best since I never finish a carton and we end up with spoiled milk.” She smiled. “She’s a nice girl and she seems to like you.”

“She does seem to like me,” Mary smirked. “And I think I really like her too.”

“Good.” Lily laughed. “Now did you really find a dead fish in our flat?”

oOoOoOo

They went out after the game, which Lily had been expecting. They all got ready- Lily lent some clothes to a couple of the girls and Mary did almost everyone’s makeup after insisting that she knew what she was doing since she’d been watching nothing but makeup tutorials on YouTube for the past week.

“I’m thinking of making my own channel.” She said, though she’d already had three beers by this point, and as a rather small girl, three beers was enough for her to properly buzzed and boarding tipsy, so no one took her seriously, but since they were buzzed as well, they were enthusiastic about the idea.

When they finally made it to a pub, Lily was surprised to see that it was packed. This was their usual place, and while it could get busy, this was a bit much. Even for a Friday night. After the game, everyone usually went to a pub closer to campus. This pub was out by their flat, and yet it was packed with college age kids, and many of them looked as though they were coming from the game, wearing face paint or jerseys.

They got some drinks, miraculously found a table and then headed out to the dancefloor. Mary and Em were the first to disappear and then Hestia’s boyfriend materialized. Gwen found someone to dance with and then Dorcas excused herself to use the restroom. Lily stumbled back to her table, feeling almost relaxed now that she’d have quite a bit to drink. Her mind always seemed to be buzzing and it was rather hard to get it to quite down, but a night out helped.

“Is this seat taken?” She looked over, already rolling her eyes at the tired line.

“Yes, all the seats around this table that have jackets and purses on them are in fact, taken. Shocking, isn’t it.” She asked, raising her brow. But then she looked at the bloke who had spoken and her brows shot up even further.

“Coats and purses are inanimate. I don’t think they’ll be bothered if I get off my feet for a few. After all, I have been pretty busy all night.” James Potter smirked at her as he took Mary’s empty seat. He had a beer in his hand, his hair was all mused from the events of the night and he wore a smile that made it seem as though he and Lily were friends. Which they weren’t. Lily was more than a little surprised to see him sitting there. She’d had a few classes with him over the years and knew that he had a way of making himself at home wherever he was, but they hadn’t spoken to one another in two years. And even then it had only been one conversation- and a short one. That had gone very poorly.

“They won’t mind, but I might.” She said, shifting in her seat.

“But you might not,” He said, still smiling at her. He reached up and pulled at the collar of his shirt, the fabric sticking, parts of it grass stained.

“You didn’t think to shower before coming out?” She asked, most likely because she was on her third drink of the night and it was clear that he hadn’t decided to take a shower between winning the football game and coming out with his mates. Or alone. She didn’t see anyone that seemed to be waiting for him to come back. Though at least his presence at the pub explained why there were so many people there. He must have told a bunch of people were he was headed after the game.

“I thought about it, but then decided that it’d be a waste of water. No one has ever left a pub thinking that they didn’t need to shower. Then there’s the fact that I look rather sharp in my uniform.” He grinned, leaning a bit closer and Lily could smell the alcohol on his breath mixed with the smell of sweat. It was a common smell for someone in a pub to have, but she still leaned back. “Beside, people like to get pictures of me in my jersey.”

She narrowed. “Alright, so then why did you decide to sit down here?” She asked. They were surrounded by people who would love to be graced with his presence, but Lily was not among them.

He met her gaze and held it for a moment before turning his head and looking around the bar. “You really don’t like me, do you? You know, I think you might just be the only person on campus.” Lily snorted. “Alright, not the only person. But one of the only girls.” He said, looking back at her again.

“It’s not that I don’t like you,” Lily said, because she didn’t dislike him, she didn’t really know him. She knew that she couldn’t judge a person on one drunk conversation that was held years ago. And while he was a bit arrogant online… well, a lot of people acted one way online and a different way in real life. “I just don’t think that being able to kick a ball around a field should award you special privileges. I’m not going to act like we’re friends just because I’ve heard your name a million times. I’m treating you as though you were any other annoying bloke who decided that they can sit on my friends’ coats for the sake of chatting me up.”

“Oh, so that’s it, is it. You can’t play football.” He smirked, nudging his elbow against hers and completely ignoring the latter half of what she’d said.

Lily pulled her arm off the table and shook her head. “I can play fairly well actually, that has nothing to do with anything.” She sighed. He narrowed his eyes at her and then took another swig of his beer.

“Saying you play fairly well to someone who plays-“

“At a collegiate level. Which most people do. My dad played football in college.”

“Saying you play fairly well to someone who plays as well as I do,” He repeated himself, adding emphasis where he deemed appropriate. “Is often taken as a challenge. Is this where I invite you to the field and see if you can score on me?”

She looked at him, catching the way his lilt changed when he said ‘score.’ “No.”

“You wanna dance?” He asked completely unperturbed. Lily laughed, shaking her head.

“I’m good, I’m just waiting for my friend to come back from the loo.” But as she said that, she saw that Dorcas had found someone else to dance with on her way back to the table. That didn’t mean that Lily wanted to dance with James though.

“Are you sure? I’m a great dancer,” He grinned, taking another drink of his beer.

“I’m sure. I’m getting the feeling that you think you’re great at everything.” Again, he didn’t seem to notice what she was saying.

“I think people would like it if we dance.” He said and that piqued Lily’s curiosity.

“What? Why would other people care if I danced with you?”

He shrugged. “You’ve got quite a presence on campus. A very different presence than my own, but you have almost as many twitter followers as I do.” Lily shook her head.

“I run the twitter for the school news station.” She said shrugging. It was different, though she knew that being connected with the news station wasn’t the reason that she had so many followers. But what else was she going to say? That everyone knew her because of all the different classes she took? Because of all the different clubs and activities, she’d taken a part of over the years?

“You use your own handle though.” She could tell that he wasn’t buying it. She wondered if he followed her. She would have noticed that though, right?

“Well that’s because no one pays any attention when you preface a message with UCL News. I wanted people to listen so-“

“It’s funny. That’s what I was getting at.” He grinned. “You’re funny.”

“On twitter.”

“Not in real life?”

“No I mean, you came up to me to ask me to dance because you’re impressed by my twitter? Everyone is funny on twitter.” She laughed.

“I didn’t ask you to dance because of your twitter.”

“Well then why did you ask me to dance?” She asked, though she wished she hadn’t almost immediately. When you asked a boy that you didn’t want to dance with that question, you never got an answer that you knew what to do with.

“Because you’re fit and I want to dance with you.” He shrugged. “Have you changed your mind yet?”

“No,” She said, though she could feel herself becoming less annoyed and more amused by the minute. “You know, you’re a bit ridiculous.”

“I’ve been called worse,” He shrugged, still smirking at her. Lily laughed again, not at all surprised by that. “See, I make you laugh! The least you could do is dance with me.”

Lily pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I’m almost drunk first of all,” She said, holding up a finger, “So I’ll laugh at anything. And secondly,” Another finger. “The least I could do is not dance with you. It’s continue to talk to you even though you came over her and took my friends seat and started talking to me without invitation.”

He opened his mouth and then closed it a few times before bringing his drink up to his lips and Lily looked away feeling triumphant. “Just how bad of an impression did I leave on you?” He asked, looking over at her and bringing up the first time they’d interacted for the first time since he’d sat down. Lily was surprised that he even remembered it in the first place. “I mean Remus said that I was a right prat that night, and I believe him, but I figured you might not remember.”

“Who’s Remus? Because he has the right of things.” Lily said, taking another sip of her drink.

“He usually does. He actually works for the school newspaper.” He said, “You work with the newspaper, right?”

Lily shrugged, “If we’re doing a big piece we collaborate sometimes.” She nodded. “But I don’t normally- I mean I’ve not personally been in that part of the building.”

He nodded, “Well he told me that coming over here was a bad idea.” She looked over at him.

“Then why did you do it anyway?”

“Sirius said he was wrong,” He shrugged and then made a face and shook his head. “Well he said that you wouldn’t remember that I’d made an arse of myself last time. Though he agreed that I’d made an arse of myself last time. And then suggested that if I came over here, I’d make an arse of myself again. I took it as a challenge, but maybe I should have taken it as a warning.”

Lily didn’t know who Remus or Sirius were, but they both sounded like they had good heads on their shoulders. “Why do you remember talking to me two years ago?” She asked. “I remember it because everyone is always talking about you and to be quite honest, I’ve not had too many run-ins with blokes who’ve talked to me like that.”

“Well that’s good,” He chuckled, rubbing his hand at the back of his neck. “I don’t know what I was going for, but I guess saying I’m drunk isn’t exactly an excuse. I’m sorry.” He said, looking her in the eye again. She pursed her lips and finished her drink. “I don’t normally talk to people like that.”

“Well thank you for apologizing,” She said, not sure what else she should say on the matter. “Did Gwen say something to you?” She asked, not sure what had spurred this. “Is that why you’re here?”

“You know Gwen?” He asked, brightening up a bit now that he was no longer trying to look contrite for his apology.

“Obviously, since I just ask you if she talked to you.” She said, wishing that she hadn’t finished her drink already. James noticed her fiddling with an empty glass and jumped to his feet.

“I’ll get you another drink,” He said, looking even more lit up now that he’d set a task for himself.

“You don’t need to-“ But he was already on his way to the bar and Lily closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. She wasn’t sure what was going on. Why was James Potter sitting next to her at a pub after one of his games? Why was he apologizing to her and buying her drinks and asking her to dance with him? None of this made much sense.

He came back with a new drink for both of them and Lily thanked him, still feeling a bit off kilter. She looked around, waiting to see one of her friends giving her some sort of single to let her know that they were behind this.

“So, do you like working at the station?” He asked, re-taking Mary’s seat for himself, this time angling himself more toward Lily, who was still sitting facing forward.

“Yes, I do like it.”

“It must be fun to get to be on the telly every other night.” He grinned.

“I enjoy it.” She nodded, looking over at him and trying to gauge what was going through her mind. It wasn’t uncommon for blokes to try and chat her up, but he seemed a bit more persistent than usual. And it wasn’t as though he didn’t have other options. Other options who wouldn’t be giving him clipped short responses because they couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t left yet.

“Do you- I mean I know that you’re an anchor, but do you help with the writing of the show too? Or is that a different job?”

It was public knowledge that she was an anchor, as she did have quite a few people following her on twitter, and she posted clips of the broadcast quite frequently. Even if only twelve people watched, she was still proud of the work that her team did. “I do a bit of everything.” She said, “I’m majoring in digital media and so I like to try my hand at all the different parts.”

“I really liked the story you all did about the- oh what was it- top ten places to nap in the library. I know it was just a fun little piece, but it was funny,” He laughed. “And I totally agree with you about the best place to get coffee on campus. Definitely Hoppers.”

She sat up straighter and looked at him with narrowed eyes. “You- You watch the show?” She asked, not sure exactly what it was she was feeling in that moment. Confusion seemed to be a theme of this conversation.

“Oh yeah,” He nodded. “I’m a student at UCL aren’t I? Why wouldn’t I watch it?”

It was Lily’s turn to gap for a moment and then she shook her head. “No one watches it.” She said. “Well twelve people watch it actually, but that’s basically no one and you’re telling me that you watch the show.”

“Twelve people?” He raised his brow, surprised to hear that. “That doesn’t seem right.”

“We get a couple hundred views on the clips I post to our website, but only twelve people watch the actual broadcast.” She repeated. “Only twelve people sit down and watch the entire broadcast and you’re telling me that you’re one of them?”

He shifted in his chair now. “Well I don’t catch every episode. It’s the Friday one’s that I normally miss since were right before our game- but it’s always on in the locker room.”

“Is it the only channel that you get?” She was aghast.

He laughed and shook his head, “No, it’s just what we have on. You have a good show-“

“I know that it’s a good show.” She said, putting her hands up. “My surprise isn’t because I think that we don’t have a good show. We all do a great job with editing and writing and I’m even impressed with the lighting most nights. But no one watches. Working for UCL News is to get experience and learn how everything works more than anything else. Michael used a few reels for his resume, but- You really watch?”

“I’m quite glad that Michael is done.” James sighed, ignoring her repeated question as he’d already answered it. “The two of you were always professional, but he was so stiff half the time and he never delivered the lines right when the two of you were trying to have a bit of repartee on air.” Lily couldn’t say anything to that. She agreed of course, he was right, but she couldn’t say anything because she was still flabbergasted that James Potter of all people, watched the show.

“Who’s going to be on now that he’s gone?” He asked.

Lily shrugged, clearing her throat so she could speak. “I’m not sure yet. He was supposed to be here through the end of the upcoming week, but decided to have tonight be his last show and now we’re without a second anchor. We’re holding auditions on Sunday but it’s all rather last minute.” She said.

“Sunday.” He nodded. “Well whoever you get has to be more fun than Michael, right? I mean what was it that he said right as you were signing off? He was the best part of the show? That’s a load of shite.”

“I thought you said you don’t watch on Friday.”

“I also said that it was on in the locker room.” He shrugged.

“You did say that.” Lily nodded, now chewing on her lip.

“So you view it as practice then? You want to be an anchor?”

“Yeah, sure.” She shrugged, not really wanting to talk about her future plans with her.

“You think I could be on one night?” He asked and Lily chuckled.

“I told you, only twelve people watch the show.” She said. “If you’re on the show, only eleven people would watch.”

“You said that it was good practice though.” He argued. “And I need some practice time on air. If I plan to keep playing football then I’ll eventually be interviewed, and I’d rather my first time not be in front of the entire nation or something like that.”

Lily took a drink from the drink that he’d brought her and shrugged. “I don’t see why not.” She said. “We’ve had student athletes on before. They were usually in one of the digital media classes or journalism classes, but still.”

“That’s awesome. Thanks, Lily.” He said, grinning at her again. She gave him a tight-lipped smile in return. “So, you want to dance now?” He asked, and Lily rolled her eyes.

“I think I’m still good.” She said, pushing herself away from the table. “I’ve got to go and check on my friends.”

“Alright,” He got up from the table as well. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”

She didn’t catch that, or she would have turned around to correct him.

[acidblackpirate]

A Broken Codex (Part 1)

I know I said no updates soon, but I’m emotionally stressed out, so I need to compensate xD Btw, 3 parts.

He watched Hyde getting dressed – without hurry, but very deliberate.

He was still sitting on the bed, buttoning his shirt slowly. Short dark hair was falling onto his forehead and the late afternoon light played gently on his cheekbones.

He wasn’t rushing to get out of here, but the message was clear anyway.

With a low sign yasu rolled to his side, running his palm over the pillows next to himself to straighten out the creases their passionate play had left behind. The material was still warm from Hyde’s body heat and with a little frown yasu brushed aside a long black hair clinging to it.

Hyde wasn’t even trying to cover up that he was having sex with other people in this very bed. A lot of other people, assumingly.

Yasu knew that it shouldn’t bother him. They weren’t in the kind of relationship where he was allowed to be bother and Hyde had made it pretty clear from the very beginning, what this was all about. The clear hints didn’t make him feel jealous, just self-conscious. Hyde was the only person he had gotten physical with in a pretty long while already. The hair on the pillow weakened his position, made him loose a race he had joined unintentionally. He should go out. Live more.

“You’re always so eager to get away from me”, yasu joked. “I could just stay, you know? It’s a pain in the ass to always go back to my apartment in the evening.”

Hyde was fully dressed already but hadn’t gotten up from the bed yet. Now, he turned around to eye him with slight amusement.

Suddenly, yasu felt very aware of the fact that he still hadn’t moved, that he was still naked and long strands of hair were still sticking to his neck.

“You know my codex. Spending the night together is the corpus delicti of love. I read that somewhere, so it must be true.”

Yasu managed a cheeky smile.

“Read? Like, in a book? You?”, he teased.

Of course, he knew the rules from Hyde’s codex; had known them from the very beginning. No cuddling after sex, no spending the night, nothing that led to serious feelings and romantic involvement.

Generally, yasu was fine with that. Just sometimes – sometimes he wished Hyde wouldn’t get up immediately but hold him for just a little bit longer. It wasn’t Hyde he longed for, though. He just craved the comfort of a gentle touch now and then.

“Oh, shut up!”, Hyde shouted and picked up one of the pillows to throw it at yasu.

But he wasn’t trying hard and the pillow tumbled onto the sheets before it even reached him. It was a childish gesture, but also affectionate.

“Anyway, shouldn’t you be rushing to get back home to Mr.Perfect?”, he asked.

Yasu rolled his eyes.

“More like Mr.Painfully-straight-and-oblivious-to-my-feelings”, he corrected.

Hyde snorted, but he could see his eyes soften.

He was the only one who knew.

Yasu didn’t even remember why he had told him – him of all people. They hadn’t been especially close back then, but the words had spilled out to the first person, who seemed willing to listen. He hadn’t been able to keep it to himself any longer. And Hyde had understood. Soon afterwards they had had sex for the first time.

“Want to talk about it?”, he asked softly. “We’ll make some tea and I’ll listen.”

Yasu shrugged vaguely.

He wanted to talk about it. Wanted to talk about it every waking minute of the day, because it was something that didn’t go away, but stayed on his mind constantly. But he didn’t want to bother Hyde with it. It was always the same old story anyway.

“I don’t know”, he said quietly.

Hyde nodded and got up from the bed, walking towards the door.

“I’ll make some tea anyway.”

Yasu stared after him through the open door. He wanted to stay in this bed just a little longer. He wanted Hyde to come back with tea and maybe kiss him on the forehead.

But he knew that this was not going to happen, so he got up instead, putting his clothes back on.

The sex with Hyde was always great. Their agreement was going on for several months already and they were meeting at least twice a week. Still, there was a distance between them that was hard to overcome.

Yasu walked into the living room, that led straight to a more or less open kitchen. Hyde was sitting at the table there, two cups of tea in front of him.

He gestured for yasu to sit down opposite to him, but he shook his head slightly, leaning against the kitchen counter awkwardly instead.

Their sex was fun. Their talks were fun. Sometimes they did other things that were fun, too; like going to the movies or out to a restaurant. But Hyde was deliberately keeping it apart strictly. They never had deep conversations in the bedroom, never got too affectionate with each other. Even now he had arranged it that the table between them would keep a distance. It was like being with two different people and that was probably the goal he was aiming for. He had a friend named Hyde and a sex-partner named Hyde. If he were both in one person, it would have made them something that was too close to being lovers.

But sometimes it made yasu feel uncomfortable. Especially right after sex he wasn’t able to switch as fast as Hyde and now it almost felt like facing a stranger.

“I think, I’ll be going home”, he excused himself.

His voice sounded listless, because he wasn’t very keen on what awaited him there. But staying now would have felt even weirder.

“It would be easier, if you weren’t living together”, Hyde pointed out.

“Yes”, yasu said.

He knew what Hyde was implying. He ought to move out. If he ever wanted to get over him, he needed to move out. But yasu wasn’t quite sure he was ready yet to move on – either way.

There was a moment of silence.

Hyde never felt the need to fill the quiet with words desperately and that was one reason yasu found it relatively easy to open up to him.

“How did it end?”, he asked abruptly.

In confusion Hyde raised his eyebrows.

“The book”, yasu explained. “The one you took your codex from. How did it end?”

Hyde smiled thoughtful.

“A lot of people were very sad”, he said.

Yasu frowned, looking over to the front door. He would leave in a moment.

“It does not really sound like the kind of book you should turn to for a solution”, he mumbled.

Hyde made a small noise, he couldn’t quite identify.

“I’m not the kind of guy you should turn to for a solution”, he replied softly.

Yasu understood all too well, what he meant by that. He was looking for a certain kind of comfort, was craving a certain kind of tenderness, that Hyde could not provide. He wasn’t the cure to how he felt.

“I know”, he agreed.

“But if you need anything, let me know”, Hyde added. “As your friend.”

Yasu sighed. To him, the term “friend” had gotten very complicated lately.

***

The apartment was dark and empty, when yasu came home. Without even switching on the light he crossed the living room. The familiar shadows of the furniture were showing in the last lights of early evenings.

They hadn’t made a lot of changes since moving in a couple of years ago. Everything here seemed to hold a whole bunch of memories. The couch had been too big for the elevator, so they had to drag it up the stairs themselves. The shelf above the tv was slanting visibly, because none of them had been good with the drill on the day they put it up.

Yasu smirked.

They hadn’t been very sober on the day they put it up, either.

He loved this place, just like he loved his best friend. In a very painful way.

He wondered where he was now. Out, probably. With his girlfriend, most likely.

Yasu went to his room, switched on the light and sat down on the bed. It was the only place in the apartment where ka-yu did not seem to be present so violently, but even here he had left his traces behind.

The poster beside his closet – ka-yu had gotten it for his first birthday after moving in. The bedsheets he was now sitting on – they had bought them together on their first weekend living in Tokyo. The dirty tour-shirt laying on the floor – ka-yu had introduced him to this band in the first place.

With a hollow sigh yasu ran his hand over his face.

He was in a weird mood today and he knew that nothing good was going to come out of his sad thoughts tonight. He ought to go to sleep. It was still early, but he had nothing better to do.  He did not want to be alone, but the only person he wanted to be with was ka-yu. And there was no point in waiting around for him. Even if he came home soon, there was a fair chance that his girlfriend would come along, too. Yasu didn’t dislike her as a person. She was pretty alright. He just disliked her as ka-yu’s girlfriend.

With another sigh he got up, going to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed.

In front of the mirror an entire army of cremes, make-up brushes and lipsticks blocked the sight of his own reflection.

Lately, ka-yu’s girlfriend was leaving more and more stuff at their apartment. Especially the bathroom had turned into a woman’s territorial. They were getting serious. It was only a matter of time until they would consider moving in with each other. Yasu already felt like the third wheel at his own place.

For a very brief second, he wanted to cry, but kept himself in check.

It wasn’t their fault. It was nobody’s fault.

He closed the bathroom door behind himself, going straight to bed.

There was nothing to keep him awake except for his worries, and they would still be there in the next morning.

He pulled up the blanket and listened to the silence around him. The apartment lay so quiet, when ka-yu was not around. It made the loneliness inside him grow to infinity.

It was the worst, when he was home alone.

***

It was the worst, when he wasn’t home alone.

Yasu walked into the living room, just to find something disgusting on his own couch: A happy couple.

“Here, baby, try this”, ka-yu just said and fed his girlfriend with something from his chopsticks.

It was so lovey-dovey that yasu felt sick immediately.

“Hey, guys”, he said.

“Oh, yasu, you home?”, ka-yu asked surprised and the girl waved at him.

They were dating for months already, but yasu refused to think of her by her name. It felt too much like accepting that she would stay part of their lives for a long time. He wondered if she knew he didn’t like her, but then she probably did. All of ka-yu’s girlfriends had known he didn’t like them. Women had a sense for that.

“Yeah”, yasu mumbled, feeling stupid and angry both at once. “We wanted to drink together today and watch that movie, remember? I bought beer.”

“Oh.” Ka-yu looked apologetic. “I completely forgot about that.”

Yasu shrugged. He didn’t point out it wasn’t the first time he forgot something like that. They used to hang out a lot and joke around and talk, but by now there was always three of them.

“We’re going shopping tomorrow early in the morning. Ka-yu shouldn’t drink”, the girl chimed in.

Yasu restrained himself from rolling his eyes. There was so much wrong with this statement, but it was obvious ka-yu didn’t notice. Ka-yu was in love and pointing it out would make yasu the asshole, so he kept shut.

“But you can sit with us. Have a beer, please.”

Ka-yu pointed at the armchair next to them and yasu shrugged once more.

He did not want to hang out with them, but he did not want to sit in his room all alone, either. Moreover, ka-yu looked guilty and he wanted to pretend it was okay for his sake. He’d really need a drink for that, though.

So, he got the beer from the fridge and opened the first can, slumping down in the armchair.

The others had finished their meal by now and ka-yu was playing with the long hair of his girlfriend.

She wasn’t even especially pretty, yasu thought. Or maybe she was, and he just didn’t like to admit it.

The beer was cold and he was drinking it a little too fast.

There was an awkward silence in the room.

“We could still watch that movie”, he finally suggested.

Ka-yu waved it off, as if he had already considered it.

“You know, it’s a horror movie. And Miho doesn’t really like those, so …”, he said.

Yasu opened the second can of beer already.

The girl raised their eyebrows in quiet judgement, but yasu ignored it.

If he was in a relationship with ka-yu, he wouldn’t order him around, tell him what to watch or when to drink. They wouldn’t do that weird couple shit like feeding each other. They would just sit on the couch next to each other, chat and laugh like they always did. And they would kiss and yasu would be allowed to fall asleep in those pretty arms. Everything would be easy and uncomplicated and he would do his best to make him happy, because he knew his friend so much better than one of those stupid girls, who met him a few weeks ago and already left her make-up in their bath.

“Are you going shopping for something specific tomorrow?”, yasu asked, just to get a conversation going; just any conversation at all.

“The new summer collection is out”, the girl beamed. “Ka-yu promised to buy me a cute dress. Right, darling?”

She looked at ka-yu and ka-yu smiled.

Yasu felt sick again.

She didn’t deserve him. His eyes, his lips, the way he held his body, his taste in movies and his sense of humour, the way he looked when he was sleepy and the awful breakfast he made when yasu was hungover, all of it was perfect. And she didn’t deserve any of it.

“It’s just a couple thing”, she added and yasu knew that she was going to say something mean immediately.

She did.

“You’d understand, if you had a girlfriend. But you haven’t been in a relationship for so long, yasu, isn’t that right? Ka-yu told me you haven’t been dating anyone seriously since years already. Maybe you should go out more, instead of sitting at home and getting drunk.”

“Maybe she’s right”, ka-yu agreed, instead of defending him. “Why don’t you try to meet a nice girl yourself, yasu?”

“Well, alright”, yasu huffed angrily.

They had no right to attack him like that. They had no idea of what he wanted – or whom he wanted.

So, he just got up, ready to storm off.

“I’m going out since you obviously don’t want me around anyway. And I’m taking the beer.”

He took up the remaining cans and went out, ignoring ka-yu’s voice calling after him to calm down.

He was angry and frustrated. He didn’t tell them how to live their lives, although he really had an opinion on that. Couldn’t they just leave him alone? The whole situation was tough on him anyway.

Outside the building he stopped, wondering where to go. He had a couple of friends he could visit, but he would have to act happy and cheerful around all of them. Right now, he just wanted to shout. Maybe cry a bit. And then shout some more.

But there was only one person who knew why.

***

Yasu knocked on the door fiercely.

For a moment everything stayed silent.

He shouldn’t have come here. Not unannounced and so late in the evening. He never just dropped by. Usually, they set up a date via phone. Maybe he wasn’t even home. Maybe he had one of his many sex-partners over. Yasu had no right to just show up on his doorstep and demand attention.

The door opened.

“Hi”, yasu said quietly.

Hyde looked at him in surprise. He was wearing loose pants and a worn-out shirt. Only now did yasu realize that he had never seen him in such casual clothing before. He was always dressed nicely, when they met. He was always putting in an effort.

Even now he seemed slightly embarrassed by his own look, standing in the corridor awkwardly, because he hadn’t expected any visitor tonight.

“Oh, hey, yasu. Is everything alright?”

Yasu shrugged, because he didn’t know the answer to that himself.

“Is it inconvenient?”, he asked instead.

Hyde shook his head and opened the door some more, eyeing the beer cans yasu was still holding under his arm.

“No, not at all. Just come in.”

Yasu followed him into the living room, slumping down on the couch and opening another beer before Hyde had even invited him to sit.

He was being rude, but too upset to bother.

“Take one”, he offered and Hyde took up a beer himself, his eyes still fixed on yasu’s face.

“So, what’s up?”, he asked.

Yasu exhaled heavily and gulped down some of the beer that had turned mildly warm by now.

“I just couldn’t stay at my apartment any longer, I don’t know”, he said. “His girlfriend was there.”

Hyde nodded, but stayed silent as if expecting yasu to go on. He drank some more, before he did.

“I mean, they are already like a married couple and she treats him like shit. He’s scared to do anything she might dislike.”

“Maybe he loves her and wants her to be happy?”, Hyde suggested with a smirk.

Yasu snorted.

“She’s just sitting at our place, like it belongs to her. And her stuff is everywhere. As if it’s her bathroom, or her apartment, or her ka-yu. He doesn’t belong to her. He…”

He paused and gulped down the rest of his beer. He was drinking fast but could hardly feel it. The liquor did nothing to calm him down.

“And the worst is that they lecture me all the time. As if they were perfect, because they are stuck in this corny relationship and I’m just too stupid to find someone for myself. Oh, yasu, just try harder, get yourself a girlfriend. I hate them.”

This time his breath sounded shaky.

“I hate her”, he corrected himself.

“You haven’t told him, have you?”, Hyde said quietly.

Yasu frowned.

“Of course not. I know he’ll never return my feelings.”

Hyde shook his head lightly, seemingly thinking about something.

“And about your sexuality in general? Have you ever talked to him about it honestly? He doesn’t know we’re having sex for example, does he?”

Yasu stared at the empty beer can in his hand and finally placed it on the table.

“I’ve never tried to hide it”, he side-stepped the question. “It did not seem necessary to have a talk about it.”

Hyde looked at him a little sternly.

“Maybe you should just tell him openly. It’s a big part of who you are and I think you are angry at him for being ignorant about it, right? It could be a relieve to just address it.”

“He might figure out”, yasu said weakly. “And then everything would change. Let them think I’m an idiot who is not able to lead a relationship. It’s better than knowing the truth.”

“And what’s that truth?”, Hyde inquired. “Say it out loud. It will help. Just tell me. No one else is listening.”

He reached out now, lightly stroking yasu’s cheek and making him look right at him.

“I’m in love with ka-yu”, yasu whispered and indeed it made him feel a little better to hear those words.

It wasn’t a shameful secret. It was just the way he felt – for a very long time already. It was okay to feel that way, Hyde’s warm eyes assured him of that.

Still, sometimes it felt like it was his fault. Like he just wasn’t good enough. Not pretty enough and not interesting enough. As if it didn’t have anything to do with ka-yu’s sexual orientation.

Yasu wanted to feel desired, needed to know that he was wanted, if not loved. He craved for a reminder that it wasn’t him.

He leaned in, grabbing Hyde’s neck roughly, pulling him close and kissing him. It was a kiss that tasted of alcohol and anger and he forced his lips apart, slipping his tongue into his mouth and pressing his body closer to his.

Hyde didn’t really push him away, but yasu could tell he wasn’t exactly returning the kiss, either.

He let go of his lips, trailing kisses up to his ear.

“Take me”, he begged hoarsely. “Please, I need to feel you. I want it the hard way tonight.”

Against him he could feel Hyde’s body tensing up, but then there were hands on his shoulders, pushing him away gently.

“Hey”, Hyde said softly. “That sounds very alluring, but I won’t do it with you, when you’re in a state like this.”

Yasu growled lowly.

“I’m not drunk”, he clarified.

It was true. He felt highly emotional, but not tipsy.

“No, but you’re very upset”, Hyde pointed out, brushing back his hair carefully.

The tender gesture made something inside of yasu soften. Hyde was right. He didn’t really want to have sex right now. He just wanted to stop thinking about it.

He shuffled over, placing his head on Hyde’s shoulder. It felt nice and comforting.

“I don’t want to go back there”, he admitted.

For a moment Hyde stayed silent.

“You can sleep on the couch”, he said after a while.

Yasu hesitated. He really didn’t want to go back to his own place, but he knew what that meant for Hyde.

“What about your famous codex?”, he asked.

Hyde sighed.

“We’ve all been there, yasu. You don’t have to go back tonight.”

Shortly yasu buried his face in Hyde’s neck, cherishing the brief moment of tenderness he had been allowed. He liked his smell and the warmth of his body. He wished he would hold him.

But instead he got up, making it clear yasu had gone a little too far.

“I’ll look for a blanket, why don’t you use the bathroom in the meantime? You should sleep. That was quite a lot of beer”, Hyde suggested.

Yasu nodded, suddenly ashamed for his own neediness.

When he returned from the bathroom a grey blanket was folded neatly on the couch. Hyde was nowhere to be seen, he had obviously retreated to his own bedroom.

Yasu stripped off his pants, laying down on the sofa and wrapping himself in the blanket before he switched off the lamp next to him.

The place smelled unfamiliar and the shadows around him were strange. The couch wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but it wasn’t his bed and it wasn’t his home.

He closed his eyes.

In the back he could hear Hyde rummaging around in the bathroom and finally the quiet closing of a door. Then the whole apartment fell silent and he felt exactly as lonely as he did when trying to fall asleep at his own place.

He thought of ka-yu. The way he laughed and the way he grinned at yasu when one of them had made a dirty joke. He thought of the way he kissed his girlfriend and then he thought of his girlfriend and the hard knot in his stomach was there again. It was burning and painful and it made him feel stressed for no specific reason.

All he wanted to do was fall asleep, but his thoughts just wouldn’t slow down.

He stared into the darkness for a few minutes. Then he rolled to the other side and stared into another darkness for a few minutes.

Finally, he gave up.

With the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders, he got up, quietly tapping over to Hyde’s bedroom door.

He had made it clear that he wanted yasu to stay at the living room. The couch, the demonstrative blanket, the closed door he was now looking at.

Yasu knocked anyway, very quietly and hesitantly, but when he got no reply, he pushed open the door, stepping into the bedroom he was all too familiar with.

“Hyde?”, he whispered. “Hyde, I can’t sleep. I don’t want to be alone.”

He was aware he sounded whiny and after one beer less he would probably have stayed on the couch.

“Goddamn, yasu”, Hyde swore in the dark.

Then he heard him shuffling over between the sheets and yasu crawled onto the bed next to him.

Their separate blankets were keeping them apart, but it was nice to know that Hyde was there. If he concentrated very hard, he could hear his soft breathing.

Hyde had his back turned to him, but yasu slip in closer behind him. He did not dare to make their bodies touch, did not dare to make it a full spoon or even wrap his arm around his friend.

But he felt saver immediately, secure and less lonely.

“Thanks”, he murmured against the back of Hyde’s head.

The other vocalist gave a low huff, but for yasu it was good enough.

“One night”, he said.

Yasu smiled to himself.

They would see about that.

***

Yasu woke up in an otherwise empty bed. The sheets next to him were cold. Hyde was gone for a while already.

He checked the clock. It was early noon already.

After staring at the ceiling for a bit, he got up and checked the living room.

The apartment was clearly empty. Hyde wasn’t home.

Yasu ought to go home, he knew that.

He didn’t.

Instead he took a long shower and – since he had slept in his shirt – took a fresh one from Hyde’s closet and put it on.

Afterwards he went into the kitchen to make himself breakfast.

It was probably rude, but he told himself, that Hyde would have woken him, if he wanted him to leave. They weren’t strangers after all. This wasn’t an awkward one-night-stand. They were friends, close friends even, and it wasn’t weird he stayed.

Yasu repeated that to himself over and over again, while he avoided going back to his own place desperately.

Ka-yu would be there. Maybe even his girlfriend. He couldn’t bear to see them yet.

So, he opened the refrigerator, but was disappointed by the result. Obviously, Hyde hadn’t been grocery shopping in a while.

He decided to make himself tea first. As he switched on the boiler, he saw something lying right next to it.

Thoughtfully he picked up the key. It looked like it had been placed there on purpose, in a place, where yasu was likely to find it. A note or something would have been nice, though. But then again, that wasn’t really Hyde’s style, he guessed. He was the type that tried to make you sleep on the couch to keep his distance.

Yasu slipped the key into his pocket and finished his tea. Then he went out to buy groceries. He knew about a convenience store nearby and the key let him into the apartment again easily.

He wondered when Hyde would be back.

Out of boredom he started to look around the house. While looking for a shirt he had already noticed that Hyde was starting to lack clean clothes. Also, the bathroom was a bit messy.

Since he had had breakfast so late, he didn’t grow hungry until early evening.

Shortly, he considered calling Hyde to ask when he would be home. But then that would sound so controlling. He didn’t know what Hyde was doing. Maybe he was at work. Maybe he was meeting with friends. Maybe he had a date. Maybe he had just left to make sure yasu would be gone when he got home.

Actually, he didn’t dare to call, because he didn’t want to give Hyde a chance to send him away.

So, he just started cooking when he felt like dinner time was approaching and put the prepared dishes into the oven to keep them warm in the meantime.

Usually, he didn’t really cook. It seemed too bothersome for one person alone. And lately, ka-yu was eating out most of the time. Yasu didn’t really enjoy cooking, but he had nothing else to do.

Just when he was cleaning the last pan he had used, the front door unlocked. He heard steps in the corridor and hurried to put the different plates onto the table.

If Hyde would be angry, the prepared food would hopefully sooth him.

“Welcome home”, yasu called out as a warning and made a face at his own voice.

It had sounded cheerful in a very forced way.

“Oh, hello”, Hyde said with a smile as he stepped inside and saw the laid table. “That is a nice surprise. I’m starving.”

“Good”, yasu sighed relieved. “I was afraid you’d eat out or I don’t know. I was too scared to call.”

Hyde gave a kind chuckle.

“Because you stayed at my place? It’s fine. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay, but we had a meeting today with the producer and I couldn’t miss it. I left you the key.”

Yasu nodded as they both sat down.

“Yeah, I found it. I figured you’d be home late.”

For a moment it felt weird, like they were a real couple. But then Hyde interrupted the silence:

“Well, thank you for the food.”

They both started eating. Yasu wasn’t the best cook, he had to admit that, but he had settled for simple dishes and it was edible. Hyde was praising him anyway and it made him feel valued, which was a very nice feeling. They talked a bit about Hyde’s meeting, too, although he insisted that it hadn’t been very interesting.

Afterwards they cleaned the rest of the kitchen together and as Hyde wanted to store away some of the leftovers in the refrigerator he gasped with surprise.

“Oh, my goodness, yasu, who is supposed to eat all the stuff you bought?”, he laughed breathlessly. “I never had so much food at home in my entire life.”

“I just wanted to repay you somehow.” Yasu shrugged helplessly. “It’s a thank you for how patient you are with me.”

“Of course, yasu.”

Hyde shook his head in amusement as they went back to the living room to make themselves comfortable in front of the tv.

“You don’t have to bribe me with food.”

Yasu waved it off and stared into his lap.

“Actually, I only needed an excuse not to go home, so I kept busy.”

“Anything else I should know about?”, Hyde teased.

Yasu made a face and met his eyes.

“Well, I cleaned the bathroom. And did your laundry”, he admitted.

Hyde started to laugh. He sounded calm when he laughed and looked very pretty when he did, yasu thought.

“You should just relax. Otherwise I’ll need to start paying you”, he joked, but then his facial expression became more serious.

He eyed yasu with a slight line of worry on his forehead.

“You know, you have to go back, though, right?”

Yasu winced.

He knew. He knew he couldn’t hide away at Hyde’s place forever. He would have liked to try, though.

“Just one more night”, he promised. “Then I will go back. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you much longer.”

“Okay”, Hyde said. “Although that’s not really what I meant. It’s more that I only have a certain number of shirts. You should pick up some of your own.”

He hooked his forefinger under the collar of his own shirt yasu was wearing and pulled him close. Then he placed a short peck on his lips, which made him giggle.

“I’m sorry for taking it without permission”, yasu mumbled.

“It’s okay”, Hyde soothed him. “You look cute in it.”

Yasu was pretty sure that he blushed slightly, although he hadn’t expected Hyde to have that effect on him. He watched his profile while he switched on the tv and started to search for something they could watch.

Hyde was really handsome. He had always admired him, too. That was how they had gotten in touch to begin with. He was kind and funny and at least physically attracted to yasu.

Still, he couldn’t help thinking of ka-yu. Just remembering his smiling face made his stomach twist in a way he had never felt with Hyde.

Resigning he put his head on Hyde’s shoulder and stared at the tv blankly.

“Any preferences?”, Hyde asked.

“No”, yasu exhaled. “But if it’s a romance, I will cry.”

Hyde chuckled gently. As always, he seemed to understand perfectly well how yasu felt.

“It will get better, I promise”, he said.

Again, yasu exhaled gravely. Hyde had turned off the sound of the tv and it was only the flickering light running over their faces now.

“You never told me anything about him”, yasu stated.

Hyde sighed. It was a quiet, sad sound.

“Because he is not important anymore”, he said. “We’re still in touch, but not as close as we used to be. He didn’t love me back and never could. I just learned to accept that.”

“It’s damn hard to let go”, yasu mumbled.

The thought of getting away from ka-yu seemed unbearable to him. He was already slipping away lately, right into the arms of that little bitch. But he couldn’t just give up on him deliberately. He would miss their talks and their jokes and also their past.

“It is”, Hyde agreed and switched off the tv as if he had come to realize that it had been a bad idea from the very beginning. “I’m sorry, yasu, but I’m super tired. Tomorrow morning, I have to go out again. I think I will just go to sleep.”

“Okay.” Yasu sat up straight again. “I will go, too.”

It felt weird to stay up alone in someone else’s apartment and moreover it had gotten somewhat late over dinner.

Today, Hyde went to the bathroom first and after yasu was finished himself, he returned to the living room to find the same grey blanket on the couch again. But this time, he did not even bother with laying down.

He picked up the blanket and went straight to the bedroom. The door stood slightly ajar. Yasu took that as a hint that Hyde had not really believed in his luck anyway.

He made space for him without a word and as yasu pulled up the sheets around him and listened to Hyde’s quiet breathing, there was a least one place in the apartment that did not feel entirely as if it belonged to someone else.

***

Hyde had been gone again, as he had woken up. But this time yasu had been prepared for it.

He hadn’t slept until noon again and so it was still sort of early as he arrived at his own place after breakfast.

He unlocked the door quietly, pausing a moment to listen for noise in the apartment. He felt like a burglar breaking into the place, so hard was he hoping to avoid meeting with anyone.

He was lucky, though. No one was home.

He retreated to his room and started to look around.

Hyde had made it sound as if it would be okay to just pick up some clothes and go back to his place. But was it? He had promised not to bother him for more than a night and he had stayed two already. He wasn’t living there, he was living right here. In this apartment, with ka-yu. Man, he hoped ka-yu wouldn’t be home soon.

If he met him here, he would probably ask where yasu had spent the last two days. And what would he tell him? He didn’t know about Hyde. I was staying at my fuckbuddy’s place? I was staying at a friend’s home? And why? Because he couldn’t stand to see ka-yu with his girlfriend. But he surely couldn’t say that.

So, his only choice was to get out of the apartment as fast as possible. Maybe he should stay at a hotel for a while? Avoiding ka-yu, but not bothering Hyde either.

Somewhere in his closet he found an old backpack and started to shove some clothes into it.

A hotel sounded reasonable. He would stay at a hotel.

Hurriedly, he grabbed his stuff and left the apartment again before he could run into his flatmate.

Out on the street he wondered where to go.

Surely, there were plenty of good hotels in the city. He wasn’t planning to treat himself to luxury, but a cheap and dirty place was out of the question as well. And nothing with tourists around. Those were the worst. Maybe he should just start walking. Eventually, he would come across a nice place. There were so many places in Tokyo.

As he started walking, he noticed that he was also getting hungry again. Lunch, lunch would be good. So, he stopped by at a shabby restaurant to eat something before he continued his search for a hotel. Probably, he would just stumble across one. There were so many hotels everywhere, when you didn’t look for them.

What he found, was a small shop for used CDs, though, and he bought three of them, although he wasn’t exactly a fan of those bands. He just felt the need to buy himself something and maybe distract himself from the fact that he still hadn’t checked into any hotel, although he had come across several today already that looked just fine.

He thought of the white sheets of a hotel bed, how neutral they looked and how impersonal. He would probably feel lonely, booking a room just for himself.

The sun was already starting to set and yasu realized he had spent all day running through the streets of the city and finding excuses to not check in at a hotel.

He had known that he would end up right in this very neighbourhood all along.

Hesitantly, he knocked on the door to the apartment.

Hopefully, he wouldn’t be mad.

But Hyde looked pretty unimpressed, as he opened the door and scanned him from head to toe. His eyes lingered on the backpack on yasu’s shoulder for a moment, but he did not comment on it.

“I’m having dinner”, was all he said.

Yasu looked down embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You didn’t. You’re late”, Hyde corrected and turned to walk back into the apartment.

As yasu followed him inside, he saw that the dinner table was laid for two. Obviously, Hyde had known all along where he would end up tonight as well.

He took his seat and smiled shyly.

“Thanks for cooking”, he said.

Hyde picked up his chopsticks again. Obviously, he had already started eating before yasu arrived.

“Next time, you should take the key”, he said matter-of-factly. “I might not be home when you visit and it would be a shame if you came all the way here for nothing.”

Yasu nodded, careful not to let his feelings show on his face.

Hyde had stated it off-handed on purpose and he surely didn’t want an emotional scene right now. But yasu knew exactly what had just happened and he had a hard time to hide his smile.

“Have you talked to ka-yu today?”, he changed the topic.

Yasu winced.

“He wasn’t home.”

For a moment they ate in silence. It did not feel uncomfortable, though. It felt more like coming home than stealing into his own apartment had felt this morning.

They finished dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. With ka-yu he had never done that. With him it was more like a game where both of them left their dishes in the sink until one of them eventually gave in and cleaned them. Yasu thought it was nice to do a simple task like that together.

Afterwards, Hyde wanted to know about his day and yasu showed him the CDs he had bought. Hyde didn’t know one of the albums and they listened to it together. It was better than yasu remembered it to be.

It was a nice evening, all in all, and none of them mentioned the backpack sitting in the living room.

When he left the bathroom that night, there was no blanket on the couch, though.

For a moment he just stood there, staring at the empty spot where the grey sheets used to lie.

This could mean two things. Either, Hyde had gotten fed up with him and after entertaining him for the evening he expected him to finally go home.

Or…

Yasu went over to the bedroom. The door was open and he knocked his knuckles against the wooden frame lightly.

“Hey”, he said softly.

Hyde snorted.

Yasu could make out his frame in the dim room. He had left plenty of space in the bed right next to him.

“You coming to bed, or what?”, he asked.

Yasu smiled.

This was far nicer than a hotel room anyway.

[ruthbennettba2a]

Essay Draft 1 - no intro/conclusion

Critical Analysis

By - date, writing process, themes...

Briefly explain Jekyll and Hyde use atmosphere, themes of urban gothic, and duality. Drug ridden dream, control, good vs evil…themes themes gave me a bases for my story…

I was inspired by Stevenson’s use of the Pathetic Fallacy and juxtaposition to create a gothic atmosphere as well as suspense. Pathetic Fallacy is where the environment and weather is used to hint to the audience the mood of the character, or sometimes adds to the the mood. By describing the scenery and using subtle but clever hints it emphasises the mood of the environment while also giving the reader a clear picture of what is going on. I wanted my story to have characters who were environmental based, inspired by the continuous use of fog.

The fog plays an important roll in Jekyll and Hyde; as well as creating an eerie and suspenseful atmosphere it also hints towards the theme of control and the hidden. The fog appears to creep closer and closer towards the characters, always there yet lurking in the shadows. In chapter four, The Carew Murder Case, the ‘fog rolled over the city’ [1] possibly symbolising something was brewing. Even though it was only there in the morning, it still has a presence of something that is always there lurking in the darkness. The lane where the murder took place however, was ‘brilliantly lit by the full moon’  [1] The murder could be seen clearly making it all the more gruesome for the witness, and the full moon could suggest something supernatural, creating a more eerie and mysterious atmosphere.

When Utterson finds out about the murder he goes to Soho to Mr Hyde’s house, he describes his journey; ’and here, for a moment, the fog would be quite broken up, and a haggard shaft of daylight would glance in between the swirling wreaths.’ [2] This is quite visual as it could symbolise the good trying to shine through evil, swirling wreaths sound quite chaotic and wreath is something that is tightly entwined, and wont loosen easily. This description adds to Soho appearing as a ‘district of some city in a nightmare.’ [2]

After looking for Mr Hyde, to no avail, Mr Utterson goes to visit Dr Jekyll, who is looking deathly sick. Even then, the fog is used as symbolism ‘…for even in houses the fog began to lie thickly…’ [3] Perhaps the fog ‘taking over’ and creeping ever closer represents how Dr Jekyll is losing control of himself, Mr Hyde is taking him over.

The fog could also be interpreted as a shroud or veil over the city of London, perhaps obscuring the identity of Hyde.

I some of my early ideas I developed the idea of duality inspired by Jekyll and Hyde’s door, with a story about two different sides of the door. However I felt the idea I had was more of a chapter one so I looked up how to write a short story. I realised what I was missing was both a middle and and ending, as Aristotle stated; ’A whole is that which has a beginning, a middle, and an end’ [4] , my story wasn't whole.

In my story fog takes control over Man, and near the end of the story Man fights for his control back. This was inspired by the fight for control between Jekyll and Hyde near the end of the book, though in that circumstance, evil was the victor, Jekyll gave in to his true desires. It also links to the theme of duality and Freud’s theory of the unconscious mind, which consists of; the Id, associated with pleasure and is the unconscious force that needs a moderator; the Superego, the minds sense of morality, often learned from our parents; and the Ego, the moderator between the Id and superego. Hyde can be seen as the Id which needs to be controlled by Jeckll, the Ego. In my story, when Man is taken over by Fog, Man acts out of what is seen as not socially acceptably in society. He hasn't given into his desires, rather has been taken over by an evil force. He has to face with the consequences and move on with his life, unlike Hyde who couldn't handle the repression of Victorian society and decided to end his life; the evil conquered.

"No one who, like me, conjures up the most evil of those half-tamed demons that inhabit the human breast, and seeks to wrestle with them, can expect to come through the struggle unscathed.” [5]

I also wanted to include juxtaposition in my story, to help create a stronger picture, as well as emphasise the difference between good and evil, represented by nature. Stevenson uses juxtaposition, noticeably in chapter 4, where an innocent man with white hair and light on his faced, watched by a maid, is brutally mauled by Mr Hyde [6]

To make the story more exciting, I wanted to write it from Fog’s point of view. How would Fog, a source of evil and chaos, see the world around him? The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde was first published in 1886, around the time of the industrial revolution, where thick smog polluted the city of London. Smog was a combination of fog with other atmospheric pollutants, mainly the smoke and gases from factories. The fog was no longer natural, but man made; mixed with the pollution of machines and the industry. The smog is unnatural, like Jekyll’s scientific experiments. His own invention turned against him. Even today we have to deal with the repercussions of our ancestors, and even though we are trying to redeem the world, it is continuously being destroyed by machines, by man, like Man destroying his garden with the lawn mower. Maybe Fog hates man because of how he has polluted the world in the past, and wishes to give a man a taste of his own medicine.

When adapting my story to animation, I want to experiment with the idea of pollution and nature. The animation will be 2D, hand drawn using watercolours, as I feel they create a natural look. They also create soft, pastel-like colours which represents warmth and innocence and has a sense of calm to it. When fog takes over, I want to use black ink which I can run over the watercolour to represent fog taking over man, taking over the picture, and ruining mans work, like a spill of ink would ruin an artists painting. I looked at several videos where live footage of ink being squirted into water was superimposed onto 2D and 3D animation, another possible way I could control the ink more, but perhaps it would be better if the ink was out of control, and I let it do what it wants.

I think music plays a really important roll in animation creating atmosphere and can also reveal the emotion of the characters. I could create the animation without any dialogue, using music to create suspense and move the story forward. Woodwind instruments are quite soft sounding so could be used towards the start whereas violins and strings playing high pitched sounds can create build up and suspense, as well as making the audience feel uncomfortable. I could also use lower sounds or drones to create a dark eerie atmosphere along with drums when man fights for control back. If I were to add dialogue, Fogs voice would be low and menacing.

‘Man is not true one, but truly two’ - Dr. Jekyll. - was both - refers to the good and evil in him. He struggled to hold back his instinctive pleasures so tried to find a way to separate his good self from his bad self. [7]

Conclusion

[1] Chapter 4 page 17

[2] Chapter 4 page 19

[3] Chapter 5 page 21

[4] Aristotle, ‘Poetics’, Project Gutenberg, Section VII

[5] Sigmund Freud, Dora: An Analysis of a Case of Hysteria, 1905.

[6] Chapter 4, page …

[7]

[angstmongertina]

Officium et Honestas (2/?)

Summary: As the eldest of two daughters, Lady Yinliang Hei knows her duty is to marry well and ensure security and a good connection for her sister, but an arranged marriage to Mr. Malavai Quinn, formerly captain of the King’s Army, was the last thing she was expecting. Nonetheless, driven by duty and honor, they may yet find that theirs can still be a match most evenly made.

Disclaimer: I am breaking about 20 rules of how to address everyone but titles and lands and secondary titles and such make forms of address for the peerage way too difficult to keep up with for a fanfiction so I’m not going to bother for fear of confusing either the audience or myself. (Let it be known that I greatly regret giving everyone titles.)

Part 1 || AO3 Link

Lady Hei was mostly true to her word. The mentions of Mr. Quinn and his imminent arrival remained generally nonexistent, particularly amongst polite company. However, she did delight in teasing her daughter at times and would occasionally reference his name in passing, especially when Yin least expected it.

As such, Yin found herself taking long excursions out of their townhouse, frequenting the shops, calling upon friends who happened to be in town, and taking her mare on extensive rides through the park. Each provided some reprieve from the possibility of Lady Hei speculating aloud, with a twinkling smile at either her or Rhinaa whenever present, whether or not Mr. Quinn would be appreciative of her fine stitching or pianoforte playing, a pastime in which both her mother and her sister appeared to find great enjoyment.

Instead, she escaped the confines of her home, in which her mother and sister preferred to remain, to the parks or, on occasion, her favorite bookshop, owned and run by the rather eccentric though kindly Mr. Drellik. Often, she found herself accompanied by her long-time friends Miss Jaesa Willsaam and Miss Vette Drayen, the former a serious and quiet young woman of eighteen and the latter a cheerful, talkative woman of one and twenty. Vette generally paid no mind to her reticence, and though she noticed Jaesa watching her with some concern, neither spoke on her unusual reservedness.

Nonetheless, Yin had been keeping a mental tally of the passing days herself, silently awaiting the arrival of her to-be suitor. Whether she felt more anticipation or dread for the projected date of his return to town, she could not be certain.

The day before his arrival found her astride Zephra, trotting through Hyde Park and silently lamenting the absence of a large field and, indeed, of witnesses uncaring of the propriety or lack thereof in riding across the countryside at a full run. Jaesa and Vette had a previous engagement, leaving her alone with her ruminations, a fortunate circumstance considering the tumultuous state of her feelings. That her life would change irrevocably held no doubt; unless this Mr. Quinn were truly abhorrent, she had no intention of calling off the engagement, particularly in light of the security it would bring for both herself and her family.

Her sense of duty did nothing to alter the distaste in her spirit, however. That, she suspected, little would change; her lifelong goal had been to find in her companion for life an equal, one whom she could love and respect beyond all other. It was, after all, what her parents had done in pursuing a love match and while there was nothing to say she would necessarily succeed in finding equal happiness for herself, having all of her future decided for her still meant she had no opportunity to attempt it.

Yin pressed her lips together as she crested the top of a small hill, Zephra leaning into the bit as though she sensed her mistress’s thoughts: to race away across the country, far from the expectations which guided all genteel women on their paths. Yet the thoughts lasted for but a minute and, presently, she gathered the reins, turning her mare back towards home with a gentle pat.

Focused as she was on her thoughts, she failed to notice a young man ride up beside her until he called out. “Out for a ride, Miss Hei?”

Recognizing the voice as an old friend, she turned with a smile. “Indeed, Lord Malcom. It is good to see you. How is your family doing?”

He grinned back. “Mother and father are doing well. He is still doing his best to drive her to Bedlam, it feels like on occasion, but she never seems to truly mind, so all the better.”

Yin nodded, slowing her mare to a walk. “Certainly. And Lady Estelle and yourself?”

“My sister has been doing well. She has been with her governess, primarily. I hear she has gotten quite talented at painting while I was at school. She has been hoping to visit with your sister sometime, as I understand. And I have been mostly just helping my father with the estate, since I finished school. He keeps insisting that his body is no longer what it used to be, though he remains hearty enough, thank the Lord. We just arrived back in town and I thought I would take Hermes for a ride.” He reached down to give the stallion in question a light pat.

“It seems we had a similar idea, then.”

“Indeed.”

She studied him as he rode a little ahead of her. Lord Theron Malcom was a few years her junior and, having grown up on neighboring estates without any other children nearby, they had been the best of playmates until she was under the care of her governess, and he had begun his studies in earnest. She had not seen him since he had left to attend school, though he had written on occasion, and, more often than not, included little gifts and mementos for Rhinaa. In the passing years, he had grown from the gangly boy of her childhood, looking every bit the earl he would eventually become.

However, he still had not managed to lose his nervous fidget, she noticed with some amusement as Hermes tossed his head at a sudden tightening of the reins. “And how is your family?”

“They are doing well. My mother and father had their hands busy managing the estate this planting season but everything was completed with time to spare so we have been in town for nearly a month now.”

Hermes fidgeted again and she hid a smile, saying nothing as he calmed his mount, though she suspected she knew what he wished to say, or more specifically, whom he wished to ask after. She had long suspected that her friend harbored an ardor for her younger sister, and she had no reason to believe Rhinaa would be against the courtship once out, though she also saw no reason to take pity and make things easier for him.

Finally, he turned to her, the slightest hint of a flush on his face. “And Miss Rhinaa?”

She let the smile she had been hiding show. “My sister is doing well. She will be glad to know that you are in town, though she may be a bit cross in having to hear it from me. It has been far too while since we have had any letters from you.”

He looked rather contrite at her mild admonishment. “I am aware. I admit I had been so caught up with helping run the estate that I quite forgot to keep up with my correspondence.”

She laughed. “That is understandable. I shall forgive you if you might accompany me to Drellik’s bookshop.”

“That is a fair deal, my dear Miss Hei. And I shall owe you a great debt if you might advise me on what to get Miss Rhinaa to dissuade her ire?”

The questioning look was for more than just on the gift, she knew, and she smiled with a bit of mischief. “I believe that, as her sister, it is my duty to remind you that she is not yet out, Lord Malcom, but I daresay I have some idea of what she may have her heart set on from Drellik’s, yes.”

His flush deepened but he smiled nevertheless, albeit a little sheepishly. “Then lead the way, my lady.” He gave an elaborate bow as she passed.

Laughing, she did so, though she came to a stop before the store with a frown. While Drellik’s was generally fairly popular, she was certain that there were quite a few more individuals than typically frequented the place. Indeed, many young ladies she suspected had never before set foot within the shop were meandering about, ostentatiously checking the shelves and, only somewhat more covertly, conversing with one another in low tones.

Lord Malcom stopped beside her, an eyebrow raised in surprise. “Has Drellik’s been getting more business since I left?”

“Perhaps somewhat but never to this extent. Something else may have drawn them here?”

“Perhaps another patron?” He gestured towards a carriage stopped on the side of the road, bearing an unfamiliar livery, around which circled no small number of ladies as well. “Though I must admit I am unfamiliar with whom it might be. Clearly someone the Ton is quite entranced by, if the current crowd is to be believed.”

She inclined her head in agreement, though she did not bother to hide her smirk. “Are you certain it is not yourself, Lord Malcom? Perhaps your arrival back in town did not go as unnoticed as you think, and, indeed, with your schooling finished and your current training to manage the estate, you might start considering turning your mind to matrimony? Surely you may look for your future Lady Malcom from such paragons of society.”

Both horror and indignation crossed his expression in short order before he realized she spoke only with the intent to tease him. With a rather put-on sigh, he shook his head. “I would ask whether you must always jest so, but seeing as how I am well-aware of what your response may be, I shall not bother.”

Nonetheless, he offered his arm, which she accepted with a genuine smile of affection, before leading her to the entrance.

Within, the tranquility typical of the shop had been transformed into mayhem; young women filled the interior, flitting about from shelf to shelf, attention focused either on tittering amongst themselves or on something—or, more plausibly, someone—beyond her vision. Even determined as she was, she could not help but feel her resolution falter, but still she pushed onward, leading Lord Malcom forward.

He, conversely, held back, reluctance clear on his visage. “What precisely was it you were seeking here? And is it entirely necessary to pursue it currently?”

Yin turned to peer at him with the hint of a teasing smile on her lips. “Come now, Lord Malcom. Does your courage falter already? Imagine the despair of the Ton’s matchmaking mamas when they discover that such an eligible young bachelor such as yourself is daunted at the prospect of spending time with such a varied and doubtless equally eligible group of young ladies. I have no doubt that, regardless of who has caught their attention, they would be equally, if not more, intrigued by you should they become aware that the heir apparent of the Earl of Barcaria was amongst them.” The look of sheer horror she received for her fanciful speech was such that she could barely restrain a most unladylike cackle.

Composing herself, she continued, “Furthermore, I do believe you have promised my sister a gift and I should hate to inform her you were too intimidated by the crowd at Drellik’s to follow through.”

“Enough. You have made your point, my lady.” The expression on his countenance informed her that, at that moment, he considered her anything but worthy of the title. “Come, let us get what we have come here for.” He paused for a moment before turning back to her. “What was it exactly that Miss Rhinaa wanted?”

A smirk danced on her lips. “My sister informed me last night that a lovely tome on the lives of Varius and Adrijana has come out recently that she very much desires to peruse.”

“From the opera about the late Duchess Adrijana Kallan?”

“The very same.”

There was a rather pregnant pause before he nodded. “Very well then. And for yourself?”

She smiled. “I merely wished to find the sheet music for the latest Beethoven sonata. Mr. Drellik sent word that he had set one aside for me as soon as they arrived.”

Lord Malcom laughed aloud at that. “I can hardly be surprised he would do so for such a loyal customer and talented musician.”

Waving off his flattery with one hand, she wove her way to the counter, where the crowds were notably thicker, before coming to a stop. It would have been difficult indeed to miss that all of the attentions of the women around them were focused on the two men conversing by the counter.

Mr. Drellik had run his bookshop for many years, inheriting the establishment from his father before him. For the past seven or so, Yin had been frequenting it as her preferred location for purchasing books and pianoforte music of all sorts, enough so that Mr. Drellik had teasingly suggested labeling one of the window seats with her name given how often she claimed it as her own. And despite all of the many times she had visited his shop, she had never seen him as animated as he was when talking with the man across from him.

It was clear from a single glance why the man’s presence alone was such that the Ton had deemed the shop its most fashionable meetingplace for the day. He had all the appearance of nobility in his stature, a considerable height and sharply handsome features adding to the appeal of his well-kept attire. With the air of mystery surrounding his situation, as well as the vibrancy his clear friendliness with the shopkeeper lent him, all in all, she had to admit that the stranger was a sight to behold, certainly of enough interest to draw the bored ladies from their homes once the word was out. Those unknown to the Ton were rare and far in between, particularly ones as striking as he.

Carefully dodging out of the way of a giggling Miss Harriet Clay, Yin halted some distance away, resolving to wait until Mr. Drellik had finished his discussion before alerting him to her presence. She was in no hurry to return to her mother and sister’s teasing nor had any real desire to interrupt what appeared to be a warm reunion.

It was not to be so. Mr. Drellik happened to look up just so, spied her, and called her forward congenially with an apologetic look to his conversational partner. “Ah, hello, Miss Hei. I have your music right here if you will wait half a moment. And Lord Malcom, good day. What can I do for you today?”

She scarcely heard what was said in response; the man opposite him started at the mention of her name, pivoting to focus his gaze on her with startling bright blue eyes. In her turn, she dipped her head in greeting, to which he flushed and gave a small bow before stepping forward.

“Excuse me, Miss Hei, was it?”

His voice was quieter, rather stiffer than she would have expected from the man given how warmly he had been conversing only but a minute earlier, and she dropped her head again to earn another second for regaining her equilibrium. “Indeed, sir,” returned she when she was certain she had collected herself. “I believe you have the advantage of me, Mister…?”

Mr. Drellik seized the opportunity to step forward with a companionable wave of his hand. “Ah, yes. Here is your Beethoven, Miss Hei, and the book you wished to purchase, Lord Malcom.” He turned to the other man. “The Honourable Miss Yinliang Hei would be one of my most frequent patrons, and her talent with the pianoforte is quite renowned through the Ton.”

“Indeed,” was the short reply, blue eyes still focused on her with an intensity she had rarely seen until then.

“And this,” Mr. Drellik continued, clapping his companion on the shoulder and hardly seeming to notice the curtness of the response he received, “is my dear friend, Mr. Malavai Quinn.”

A/N: Eheheheheh I am almost sorry about the cliffhanger. Almost.

[mindfulwrath]

The Door Ajar - Chapter 1: Introductions

I’ve never written any fic with OCs and I’ve been feeling like a damn coward because of it, so here it is, my very first OC and/or lodgersona fic.

The general conceit is that Frankenstein and the Creature never turned up during Hyde’s night out, so Moreau never turned up and the Society remained intact (for the moment).

Fandom: The Glass Scientists Words: 3,548 Warnings: None yet

Dr. Leslie Fletcher was a handsome, well-dressed man, with a boyish face and a lanky figure. His suit was tailored, and his hair, while longer than was fashionable, was glossy and neat. He wore no beard or mustache and carried a slender black cane, which he did not lean on when he walked. He had a firm handshake and made uncomfortable amounts of eye-contact.

"Dr. Jekyll," he said. He had a pleasant tenor voice. "Thank you again for agreeing to meet with me."

"Thank you for contacting me!" Jekyll returned. "I must say, your offer of sponsorship was, while unexpected, certainly not unwelcome."

"Yes, alas, science is a pauper's profession with a princely price tag," Dr. Fletcher said.

"Ah, how true," Jekyll lamented, shaking his head. "Please, have a seat."

"Thank you," Dr. Fletcher said, settling into the indicated chair.

"Could I get you a drink?"

"I'm afraid I shall have to decline," Dr. Fletcher said. "Anything stronger than Earl Gray plays havoc with my sleep."

"Even coffee? How unfortunate," said Jekyll. He sat himself down and glanced cursorily at Dr. Fletcher's letter, although he'd read it eight times through by then. "I find that so long as I keep the coffee to the morning and the wine to the evening, I manage."

Dr. Fletcher offered a polite laugh, which Jekyll echoed.

"I do envy you that," Dr. Fletcher sighed. "A cup of coffee in the morning will have me up 'til dawn and a glass of wine in the evening will keep me in bed past noon."

"I'm sincerely impressed with your ability to attain a doctorate without the use of coffee," Jekyll said. "I practically lived off the stuff my last year."

"Oh, as did I," Fletcher assured him. "I simply forewent sleep eight nights out of seven."

Jekyll laughed. "I wish I could say I don't miss those days, but at times I do."

"They had their benefits," said Fletcher. "Out of curiosity, where did you attend?"

"Cambridge," said Jekyll. "And yourself?"

"Ah, I was an Oxford boy," he said. "With a brief stint in Italy."

"What did you study? I was ostensibly in chemistry."

"I was a scholar of religion," Fletcher said, then added playfully, "perhaps the with same ostensibly as yourself."

"Religion? Fascinating," said Jekyll, raising his eyebrows. "You mentioned in your letter that you were interested in becoming a member, as well as a sponsor."

"So I am," said Fletcher.

He did not elaborate, and Jekyll's conversational footing slipped, like Fletcher had been building a staircase for him and suddenly omitted a step.

"And what is it, precisely, that you do?" Jekyll asked. He could have kicked himself. "Not to discount you, of course, I realize that came out a tad more condescending than I had intended."

"Not a worry," said Fletcher. "I was, admittedly, purposefully vague."

"I had wondered," Jekyll said, scrunching up one eye halfway to a wink.

"Mainly, I dabble," Fletcher said. "A dash of astronomy, a touch of botany, a pinch of chemistry. Religion carried me a certain distance in the beginning, but I found it . . . lacking, in some points."

Jekyll watched him for a moment, searching his face.

"Lacking in which points, precisely?" he asked.

"A person might get the sense that you're accusing me of something," said Fletcher, laughing. "I'm no mad galvanist, more's the pity. Have you seen the play next door?"

"I have," Jekyll said. He winced. "It was . . . interesting."

"In a word," said Fletcher, his eyes alight with amusement. "I could certainly think of a few other choice words to describe it."

"And how would you describe your profession?" Jekyll asked. "In a word."

Fletcher considered the ceiling. The light caught his eyes, turning them to topazes. He bit his lip and arched a brow.

"Extraplanar explorer," he said, turning his gaze back to Jekyll. His mouth pinched with amusement. "Although I recognize that's two words."

"And, again indulge me, but what does that have to do with religion?"

Fletcher sat forward, holding Jekyll's gaze.

"Dr. Jekyll," he said, his voice low and intense. "Are you a religious man?"

"I . . . would say so," said Jekyll, apprehensive.

The corner of Fletcher's mouth twitched, a smile instantly fought down.

"Do you believe in angels?" he asked.

"Yes," Jekyll said carefully, narrowing his eyes. He was too curious about where this was going to play hard-to-get.

"You must, then, believe in demons, as well," said Fletcher.

"The Good Book says that they exist, so yes."

"I don't," said Fletcher.

"You don't?" said Jekyll shocked.

"No," said Fletcher, "I don't. There are creatures that have been described as demons, and as angels, but they are all simply more monsters. God is a monster."

This blasphemy was proclaimed with such frank sincerity that, again, it threw Jekyll off.

"I cannot imagine why you might have difficulty in polite society," he said, before he could stop himself. Fletcher laughed.

"Yes, that one would certainly earn me a few thrown stones," he said. "I don't mean it in an . . . accusatory way. God is a monster, much as that little church-grim I passed on the way in is a monster. What I think, Dr. Jekyll, is that the monsters we see in our world are but . . . shadows. Mice and cockroaches that have wriggled in through the crack under the door."

"And angels, demons, and God are behind the door?"

"They're what we see when we peek through the keyhole," Fletcher allowed. "Ezekiel describes the ophanim as wheels with rims full of eyes round about, wreathed in flame. Does that not sound monstrous to you? God is so terrible to behold that to look upon Him is to die! There is, I believe, a world outside of ours, surrounding it on all sides but invisible and walled off. I am simply trying to find the door."

"Are you trying to open it?" Jekyll asked, excited despite himself. Dr. Fletcher could certainly paint a tempting picture.

Fletcher smiled. He had not blinked in quite some time, and did not do so now.

"I suppose I shall make that decision when I find it," he said.

Clearing his throat, Jekyll wrestled his enthusiasm under control.

"What I am asking," he said, "is if you intend to summon demonic forces into my Society."

"No no," said Fletcher. "Under it."

"Oh, under it, of course," Jekyll said, rubbing his eyebrow.

"The esteemed Mr. Mosley lodges here, does he not?" said Fletcher. "I'm certain I could make use of some of his shallower excavations."

Jekyll looked up at him sharply. "You seem to have done your research," he said.

"Of course," said Fletcher, smiling pleasantly. "A scientist never enters into anything without doing the proper research. I trust you've done your research on me, hahah."

"Some," Jekyll said. "Only . . . shallow excavations, shall we say. Admittedly, even the topsoil is saturated with unpleasantness."

"Only the topsoil," Fletcher said. "I understand your misgivings, I really do. It may please you to know, I've developed a stringent containment protocol that has yet to fail me."

"Safety is . . . a primary concern, yes," said Jekyll. "But why us? Why here? It doesn't seem like what you're doing is, if you'll forgive my bluntness, particularly scientific."

"Anything is science if you apply the proper methodology," said Fletcher. "As to the why's: what I intend to do is never going to be completely safe, and is on the verge of becoming extremely dangerous. There's no safe place for it. Your Society is, however, the safest place I can think of to do it."

Jekyll didn't answer right away, drumming his fingers on his desk.

"I'm also very rich," Fletcher added.

"So I've heard," Jekyll sighed. "Would you like a tour, or would you prefer to find your own way?"

Fletcher grinned, preening. "I think a tour would be lovely!" he said.

"I will warn you, the lodgers are incorrigible gossips," Jekyll said. "There's doubtless a contingent of them with their ears pressed to my door, even now."

"Ah!" said Fletcher. "That would explain the whispering."

For a moment, there was silence.

"What—what whispering?" Jekyll said, the back of his neck prickling.

"I have excellent hearing," Fletcher said with a wink. He got to his feet, and Jekyll, for politeness's sake, was forced to rise as well. "I should mention, I don't intend to lodge here. I have my own place in Whitechapel."

"I have no doubt it's infinitely more comfortable than anything we could provide you with," Jekyll demurred.

"Not at all," Fletcher said brightly. "It is, in a word, austere. Still, it's home, and I should hate to have to let the servants go."

"I see," said Jekyll. "Well, should you ever change your mind or simply require a nearer bed, there will always be room for you here."

"It's much appreciated."

Jekyll went to the door and opened it. He caught the tail end of Archer's coat vanishing round the banister at the bottom of the stairs, and could smell the distinctive gunpowder perfume of either Luckett or Sinnett. Miss Flowers, Miss Lavender, and Mrs. Cantilupe were all conspicuously nearby and all wore varying attempts at innocent faces.

"Perhaps some introductions, to start off with?" Jekyll said, raising his voice just slightly more than was necessary. Flowers, Lavender, and Cantilupe all looked up, cranking the intensity on their innocent-faces.

"Capital idea!" said Fletcher, following Jekyll down the stairs. His cane tapped on the marble, slightly out of sync with his footsteps.

Jekyll introduced him to the three women, and he kissed their hands with perfect grace and sincerity. Jekyll paid closer attention after the first one, memorizing the details of the motion—the half-bow, the softness of his hand, the nigh-flirtatious eye-contact after the fact, the slightest brush of lips against knuckles, as though he had intended to place the kiss on air and just missed it. The performance left Flowers blushing and smiling, Lavender rolling her eyes, and Mrs. Cantilupe properly charmed.

It left Jekyll burning with jealousy.

Is it that you know you'll never be that good, or just that you want your hand kissed? Hyde chortled. Jekyll clenched his teeth.

Fletcher's eyes flicked to him, just for a moment, and his ear wiggled. Jekyll nearly crawled out of his skin.

"Henry, I do believe this is the first gentleman you've managed to drag in," Cantilupe declared.

"I mainly dragged myself in," Fletcher said, turning his attention back to the ladies. "Much to poor Dr. Jekyll's consternation, hahah."

"Certainly not," said Jekyll, although his charm was sitting slightly askew. "I'm simply unused to being—solicited, is all."

"He pulled most of us in off the street," Lavender said. "Generally out of the path of screaming mobs."

"Good heavens," said Fletcher. "It seems to have been tremendously good fortune for everyone involved!"

"Oh, yes," said Flowers. "That's part of why we're all working so hard for the exhibition."

"I wouldn't say that," said Lavender, side-eyeing her.

"It's part of why I am!" said Flowers. "The fate of the Society hinges on it!"

"You're always so dramatic, Camilla," Lavender sighed. "The exhibition isn't make-or-break, it's simply an opportunity for improvement."

"That's what you think," Flowers said. "But you know how things go wrong. Next thing you know, all of London will be up in flames!"

"It will not!" Luckett shouted, from somewhere near the stairs.

"I imagine it would be difficult to get all of London up in flames," Fletcher said kindly. Flowers shrank into herself and dropped her gaze. "Though certainly not impossible!"

"Are you going to be presenting at the exhibition, Dr. Fletcher?" Cantilupe asked.

"Me? Goodness, no," Fletcher said, laughing. "I doubt that would go over well. No, my contributions to the exhibition will be purely fiscal, and I think that's for the best."

"Surely not," said Lavender. "We'd love to see some of your work, if you'd be willing to show it."

Luckett and Archer both materialized at either side of the conversation, a pincer-formation of gossips.

"Certainly would," said Archer. He stuck out a hand. "Flynn Archer, pleasure to meet you."

"Leslie Fletcher," said Fletcher, shaking his hand and grinning. "Fletcher and Archer, what a pair we make!"

Archer laughed. "What a pair, indeed!"

"And this is Mr. Luckett," Jekyll said, presenting him. Fletcher shook his hand, too. The elbow of Luckett's sleeve was currently smoldering.

"A pleasure," said Fletcher. "Perhaps I'll run into all of you again later on the tour, and you can demonstrate some of your work for me. I'd love to see it, up close and in person."

"Ah, not everything ought to be seen up close," said Luckett, making a face.

"At a reasonable distance, then," Fletcher said with a wink.

A few more politenesses were exchanged before Jekyll managed to extract Fletcher from the conversation, which he had to do as quickly as possible because more lodgers were converging on the knot. He took him around the back way of the Society, which was generally less populous in the daytime, and where the lodgers would have to spend a few minutes inventing a reason to turn up.

"Most of the interesting things are upstairs, of course," Jekyll said. "The downstairs is primarily for showing off, in the case of the atrium, and for mundanities, in the case of the kitchen."

He gestured to the large oak door as they came to it. Thankfully, it was closed, although the smell of baking bread filled the corridor.

"Do you employ a cooking staff?" Fletcher asked, strolling past the door with Jekyll.

"In a manner of speaking," said Jekyll. "The staff currently consists of—"

"One moment," Fletcher said, stopping on a dime and leaning back on one leg, swinging his cane jauntily for balance. "I distinctly heard the phrase murdered his whole family. Excuse me."

Before Jekyll could catch him, he had doubled back through the door to the kitchen, and Jekyll was forced to scurry after him.

"I'm certain it wasn't—" he began.

"Speak of the Devil and he shall appear," Fletcher said, leaning on his cane and crossing one ankle over the other. Rachel and Jasper nearly leapt out of their skins. Rachel knocked over a bowl of apples, and Jasper let out a loud squeak and tried to hide behind her. Fletcher grinned like a shark.

"Ah, Jasper, Rachel, this is Dr. Leslie Fletcher," Jekyll said, laying a careful hand between Fletcher's shoulders.

"Please don't touch me," Fletcher said amiably, his smile unmoved.

"Yes, sorry, terribly sorry," said Jekyll, removing his hand from Fletcher's back. "Dr. Fletcher, these are Mr. Jasper Kaylock and Miss Rachel Pidgley. Mr. Kaylock is a lodger, and Miss Pidgley is our cook and day manager."

"And evidently reader of gossip columns!" Fletcher said. His eyes were fixed on Rachel. He crossed to her and stuck out a hand. "A pleasure."

"Y-yes, of course," said Rachel, taking his hand gingerly.

Fletcher raised it to his lips and kissed it, holding her gaze the entire time. Rachel flushed, but not, Jekyll thought, from any sort of flattery. Fletcher let her go and turned to Jasper, sticking out his hand again.

"Er, good to meet you, sir," Jasper mumbled, shaking his hand.

"Very!" Fletcher said. "What is your field of study, Mr. Kaylock?"

"Um," said Jasper. Fletcher still hadn't let go of his hand. "Er, cryptobiology, sir."

"Sir, I'm not a professor," Fletcher said, laughing. "Please, call me Leslie. Everyone does. Except the newspapers, of course, but when have they ever called anyone what they wanted to be called."

He turned and looked very pointedly at Jekyll, who could only incline his head and smile.

"Rarely," he said. "Ah, while we're here, I suppose I might as well mention, the kitchen is open at all hours, although lodgers are encouraged not to attempt anything . . . shall we say ambitious after-hours."

"Of course," said Fletcher. He pivoted and pinned Rachel with his gaze. "And what is it a day manager does?"

"Um? Well," said Rachel. "It's—it's all a bit dull, really."

Fletcher leaned on his cane and crossed his ankles again.

"Really?" he said.

"Dr. Fletcher," Jekyll said, approaching sidelong. "I'm sure Miss Pidgley is very busy just at the moment. Perhaps you could catch up with her later, after our tour?"

"Capital idea," said Fletcher, finally turning his gaze back to Jekyll and locking eyes with him. "Where to next? I'd love to see some of the labs, if possible."

"Yes, of course," said Jekyll, trying not to let his relief show. He had a feeling he'd failed, partially because Fletcher was so intently watching his eyes. "They're mostly upstairs."

He'd almost, almost gotten Fletcher all the way out when the man turned back for a parting shot.

"By the way," he said to Rachel, "it wasn't the whole family. Just the sister."

"Um?" Rachel squeaked. Jekyll herded Fletcher out the door before he could make it any worse.

"Dr. Fletcher, I would sincerely appreciate it if you would refrain from menacing the other lodgers," Jekyll said, his voice taut.

"I wasn't menacing," Fletcher said, insulted. "It was a joke! As was the investigation. I was in Venice when it happened, for goodness' sake."

"Ahah, yes, well, these things do tend to get blown out of proportion in the rumor-mill," Jekyll said, fighting down an embarrassed flush.

"Have I just met the miller?"

"I regret to inform you, Dr. Fletcher, that they are all millers."

"Oh, excellent," said Fletcher, sounding genuinely amused. "I'm certain that helps when separating the wheat from the chaff."

Jekyll laughed politely.

I hate him already, Hyde drawled.

Again, Fletcher looked at him, and Jekyll was struck by the sudden and insane terror that he could hear Hyde.

"It, ah, it can prove, in some cases, beneficial," Jekyll said. He resisted the impulse to tug on his collar, although he couldn't stop himself from sweating. "To have such an informed . . . body of people."

"I'm sure," said Fletcher. He kept looking at Jekyll's eyes, like he was expecting to see something. "And speaking of bodies of people, I really haven't murdered anyone. In case you're harboring doubts."

"No! Me? Certainly not," said Jekyll. "As you said, the investigation was unwarranted."

"I never said it was unwarranted," Fletcher said, still watching him. "I just said it was a joke."

"Ahah," said Jekyll. "Quite. Shall we head upstairs? I believe Dr. Maijabi is in, you'll probably enjoy his work. . . ."

Fletcher finally turned his gaze back to the Society at large and allowed Jekyll to get on with his practiced, polished rambling. The rest of the tour went off without further incident, Fletcher playing the perfect gentleman and Jekyll playing the perfect host. They concluded in Mosley's underground launch bay, where Jekyll left Fletcher and Mosley to discuss the specifics of where Fletcher might set up. The sense of relief when he got back to his own office and shut the doors behind him was profound.

He definitely murdered his whole family, Hyde said, lounging in the cheval-glass. He's mad as a bat in a belfry.

"He is, admittedly, a touch unsettling," Jekyll said, moving to his desk. "But none of the lodgers are strictly speaking sane. I doubt he'll cause any trouble."

You're only after his money, Hyde scoffed. If he wasn't rich, you'd never have given him the time of day. What a pretty whore you are, so sweet and desperate.

"Must you do this every time?" Jekyll asked, exasperated.

Oh, I must, dear doctor, I must, said Hyde. And you had better be careful about talking back, now that Batty Fletcher's Incredible Ears are wandering the halls.

"I'd be less tempted if you didn't talk in the first place," Jekyll muttered.

Where would be the fun in that? Hyde said. You should let me meet him.

"Absolutely not."

I want his cane.

"Absolutely not."

He doesn't use it. It'd look much better on me. And think of what fun it would be, to burgle Batty Fletcher! I can see it now: Robbery in Whitechapel, Police Baffled!

"Neither you nor I is robbing any of my lodgers, and that is absolutely final."

We could pin it on somebody else. Think of the ~drama~!

"You really are in a mood today, aren't you."

Maybe whatever Fletcher's got is catching.

"I think he has some very sound and interesting ideas," Jekyll said stiffly.

Of course you do, said Hyde. You're just as crazy as he is.

"Neither one of us is crazy," said Jekyll.

You so are, said Hyde. I give it a week before he figures you out. Before he sees how cheap and hollow you are. I bet he can hear it.

"So long as he doesn't withdraw his funding, I don't much care," Jekyll said.

Bo-ring, Hyde said, yawning. Call me when the first demon turns up. We'll see if Batty Fletcher can't give you some more interesting fears.

"Good, go away," said Jekyll.

Just for that, I won't, Hyde said. He then launched into the longest drinking song he knew, raucous and off-key.

Jekyll sighed and put a hand over his eyes.

[jameswattsba2apart2]

Narrative Strategies Week 4

In our Narrative Strategies lesson this week, we looked at the Learning Objectives for the project, as well as Freud and his work on psychology at the time, and how to structure our scripts.

Chapter 7-8 Summaries:

“Incident at the Window” begins on another of Utterson and Enfield’s walks, discussing the murder case and the disappearance of Mr Hyde. Passing the building Hyde used connected to Jekyll’s house, the two discover Jekyll himself in the window. Complaining that he is feeling “low”, Jekyll says he cannot go with the two men, before suddenly expressing terror and slamming the window shut.

“The Last Night” features the culmination of events in the story, beginning with Poole visiting Utterson, worrying about Jekyll, who Poole believes is dead. Once outside Jekyll’s laboratory, a strange voice responds, saying that he does not want visitors. Poole explains that this voice sent him to many chemists to collect an ingredient, but that nowhere stocked the drug. He also mentions briefly seeing the man emerge, and that he looked nothing like Jekyll, instead resembling Hyde. Arming themselves, Utterson and Poole break down the door, despite the voice’s pleas. Once the door is broken, they find Hyde dead through suicide, but no sign of Jekyll’s body. Finding an updated will naming Utterson as the new inheritor of his possessions and a note telling him to read Lanyon's letter, Utterson returns home.

Our learning objectives for this project are as follows:

L01: Demonstrate knowledge and application of the key techniques, materials and processes associated with your subject.

L02: Identify relevant historical, cultural, and ethical concepts and principles and apply them to a race of contexts.

L03: Demonstrate knowledge of problem solving approaches used in your discipline and show a critical approach to practice-based enquiry in your work.

L04: Critically reflect on the boundaries of your knowledge and learning.

L05: Articulate the findings of your research and practice using appropriate means of production and communication.

L06: Demonstrate your ability to identify, plan and, where appropriate, participate in relevant work-related learning.

Once we had finished covering the learning objectives we began looking at how we should structure our scripts, as well as briefly examining the evaluation of this script. For this project, we have been given a word limit of 2,000 words, although this is shared across both the script and its associated evaluation. Therefore, it has been recommended to us that we aim for 1,000 words for each of these, with a slight leeway for unbalance. The approximate word count for each page should be 150 to 200, which should roughly equate to one minute of screen time. In addition to this, our screenplays need to be formatted to an industry standard, written in a Courier 12 point font, and following the 5 Basic Conventions of screenwriting:

1. Give each new scene a heading, which is written in capital letters, with “INT/EXT”, LOCATION, and TIME OF DAY.

2. The slug line is always followed by scene action/description. This is the non-dialogue bit of the script. Keep descriptions simple, clear and visual. Always write in the present tense. Character names are put in capitals for their first mention only.

3. Dialogue: Lay-out. Headed by the speaker’s name, this appears in the central column, and is single-spaced.

4. Parentheticals - Directions in brackets. Often used to show who a character is talking to, or the emotion they are saying it with. It can also show an action.

5. Sound - Divided into voiceover (V.O.) or offscreen (O.S.). Sound effects must be put in capital letters.

It is important for us to remember that we are writing a script for an animated short film, which, while inherently similar to a live-action script, sometimes necessitates more descriptive language for its actions.

Following this, we then looked at Stevenson’s use of duality in the novel, beginning with the women featured in The Carew Murder Case chapter of the book. There are two notable female characters in this chapter: the “romantically given” maid who witnesses Carew’s murder, who contrasts with Hyde’s well mannered but “evil” housekeeper, whose face is described as “smoothed by hypocrisy”. Furthermore, the characters of Hyde and Carew himself represent the duality of good vs evil, with Carew described in an almost romantic light by the maid, while Hyde’s brutal murder of him effectively martyrs Carew, while therefore making Hyde even more evil for the murder of such a “pure” man.

From here, we then began linking the story into the work of Sigmund Freud, in order to better understand the psychology behind the tale. Freud believed that all art is a form of sublimation, that by playing out these fixations through their art, these people would avoid acting on these perversions themselves. In 1923 Freud identified what he believed to be the “psychic apparatus” of the mind, which he split into three distinct categories: Id (Instincts), Ego (Reality), and Superego (Morality). According to Freud, the unconscious is the repository of urges, wishes, desires, and memories which lie outside our conscious awareness. He believed that healing of mental problems could be achieved through “free association”, which was the totally free, uncensored expression of thoughts and ideas. If the patient could remember the first time they experienced a symptom, it would then disappear. We also briefly looked at the outdated study of phrenology, which a pseudo-science that suggested it was possible to recognise someone’s personality through the shape of their skull, and how this linked into the rapid advances in Victorian society, which meant that many of the populace simply had to suspend their disbelief with such matters.

After examining Freud’s work, we then looked again at the development of our stories, and how we should progress to a story outline from the beat sheets we discussed last week. The outline essentially acts as a more fleshed out version of the beat sheet, featuring complete sentences. This is distinct from a treatment, which is used to help sell the script, but instead is used to for the writer’s benefit, to help them visualise their story.

While this was a very long lesson, I feel that a great deal of the information that we have learned will be useful to me in my project. While I am not sure that the examination of psychology will be directly important to my work, I know that understanding the reasoning behind the story is necessary for developing my own adaptation.

[pocket-luv101]

Strange Events || Chapter 4

Fandom: Servamp Ships: KuroMahi (main), LawLicht (side), Tetsono (side), Jekuni (side) Characters: Kuro, Mahiru, Hyde, Licht, Tetsu, Misono, Snow Lily, Mikuni, JeJe

Summary: When Mahiru’s friend goes missing, he searches through the woods for him. He comes across a boy with psychic abilities. He hoped Kuro would be able to help him find Misono. (Stranger Things AU) A/N: This was an AU that @viconekochan suggested.

Ch.1 || Ch.2 || Ch.3 || (Ch.4) ||

Licht parked the bike when he arrived in front a large home. He checked the address Kranz had given him but he already knew it was the right house. He could hear cheers and laughter from inside. After he locked the bike to a tree, he went to knock on the door. The party sounded noisy but he hoped that it wouldn’t be too crowded. He only wanted to speak with his friend again.

A boy opened the door and Licht stepped inside. The teenager greeted him with a slurred hello and it was clear that he was drunk. Licht glanced around the room but he couldn’t see his friend or many others. “My friend, Kranz, invited me. Where is he?”

“The party’s in the back. Kranz just left because he accidentally cut his hand. He should be at the bus stop about now. Even if he’s not here, you can stay and we can get to know each other.” He tried to wrap his arm around his waist but Licht slapped his hand away. His hard glare was enough to deter the boy but he left with an irritated grumble. “You’re no fun. Stay if you want but I don’t care.”

Licht didn’t bother to give him a reply and turned around to put his shoes back on. Since Kranz left already, he decided to go home and apologize to Mahiru for stealing his bike. He didn’t know anyone at the party and he doubted he could be friends with them. He wished that he arrived a few minutes earlier so he could’ve walked Kranz to the bus stop and talk with him a little at least.

As he left, Licht noticed a grand piano sitting in the living room. He walked to the piano and pressed down on a key. He hadn’t been able to practise with the instrument since he moved into Mahiru’s home. Licht decided to practise one song before he returned home. He looked around the house for a light switch but he couldn’t find one.

“They design an entire wall to be a window but they can’t afford proper lighting. Don’t rich people like their privacy?” He clicked his tongue but he sat in front of the keys to play a lulling ballad. Licht played the song so often for his parents that he didn’t need the music sheets to know the notes. He loved playing the piano and he was quickly swept into the music.

At first, he didn’t hear the low growl approaching him.

The song ended and Licht tenderly ran his fingers over the keys. A strange sound echoed inside the piano and it made Licht pause. He was certain he never heard the instrument make something so eerie. The piano seemed to snarl but the sound was muffled with static. Licht placed his hand on the piano’s cover to open it but he hesitated. In time with the growls, the lights above him started to flicker.

A flash of light behind him caused him to jump slightly and he spun around sharply. He found Hyde standing outside of the house with a camera in his hand. Licht reasoned that the light and sound must’ve been from his camera. He ran out of the house to yell at him. “What are you doing here, Shit Rat? Did you follow me?”

His voice surprised Hyde as well and he turned to him. He was confused by his words but then he lifted his camera and said: “I told you that I want to look for my brother in the woods. It’s dark so I use my camera’s flash as a light. Hopefully, I might catch a clue in the photos as well. Was that piano music I was hearing earlier you? You’re pretty good.”

“I’m more than ‘pretty good’, Demon. I’m an angel. Let me see your camera so I can know for sure that you didn’t stalk me to this party.” He ordered. Even in the darkness, Hyde could see how stubborn his blue eyes were so he decided it would be better to hand him his camera. Licht was aggressive but he didn’t think he was the type to destroy his things recklessly.

“Be careful with my camera, Lichtan. I had to work three months to buy it.” He said and looked over his shoulder to the tiny screen on the camera. The light from the camera illuminated Licht’s face and he saw how beautiful his eyes were. He didn’t notice him staring as he skimmed through the photos he took earlier. The time codes in the corner told him that Hyde was being truthful.

Licht came across a picture taken in the daytime and said, “This is nice. Is this your brother, Misono? I saw the missing poster of him earlier.”

“Yeah, this is Misono.” He nodded and took the camera back from him. Hyde placed it back in his bag and started to leave. Licht’s next words made him pause.

“At school, I wasn’t trying to make fun of you or anything like that. I wanted to ask you where the music room was.” Licht said. He didn’t reply to him and he wondered if Hyde believed him. He watched him walk back into the woods. Once he was gone, Licht took his bike and returned to Mahiru’s home.

“Kuro, will you help me wash the dishes?” Mahiru asked him as he stood from the table. The dinner they shared with Lily and Tetsu was tensed despite his effort to keep everyone comfortable. He asked them about their day at school but Kuro’s psychic ability lingered in the back of his mind. He had questions but he kept them to himself.

Mahiru stood next to Kuro and placed his hand on his shoulder. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t reply to Mahiru’s question. Gently, he patted his shoulder again to get his attention. He said, “Will you help me wash the dishes Kuro? I’ll soap while you wash. Tetsu, Lily, you two should go to the basement and wait for us.”

“Okay,” Kuro had never done chores before but he wanted to postpone answering questions as long as he could. He gathered the dirty dishes on the table and followed Mahiru to the sink. He stood next to him and watched his brief explanation on how to wash dishes. For a while, they washed the dishes in silence. He knew Mahiru was waiting for him to speak first so he said: “Thank you for the food. It was good.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed the noodles I made.” Mahiru smiled up at him. His expression became more serious as he continued, “Kuro, I want you to know that Tetsu and Lily are good people. They were… pushy earlier but that’s only because they want to find Misono. They’re worried about him. I know you’re scared of those bad men so I won’t force you to leave this house. Can we compromise though?”

“Compromise?” He echoed the word and Mahiru nodded. He told him the definition and Kuro’s brows furrows. In the past, he could never compromise with his father during the tests he gave him. Mahiru was different and kind. “Misono is your friend. I can try to help you but it’s still too dangerous for me to go outside. There is a way for me to find him though.”

“That’s great, Kuro!” Mahiru’s smile beamed up at him. He hugged him tightly but then leaned away. His smile became apologetic as Mahiru wiped the bubbles from his hair. “Sorry, I was too excited and got soap bubbles in your hair. It should come out with a little water though. After we finish up here, we can go downstairs to tell Lily and Tetsu that you’re willing to help.”

“But no outside.” He insisted and Mahiru nodded understandingly.

“There is one more thing I want to ask you about your powers. When you moved the tables, your nose bled. Does using your powers hurt you? I don’t want you to push yourself to help us if that’s the case. You’re my friend, just like Misono.” His brown eyes were full of concern.

Kuro knew a lot of people who wanted him to use his gift for their own goals. He hoped that Mahiru was different since he was kind to him even before he saw his abilities. “I was born with powers but I don’t know much about it myself. I could move things, hears things, and see things others can’t. Father put me into a special program so I can control my powers. I don’t remember much of my childhood but…”

“Are the bad people you’re running from that program?” Mahiru asked in a soft voice but Kuro didn’t answer him. He didn’t say a word yet his expression screamed in pain. Kuro ran the plate under the water and the sound of the sink became louder between them. He looked up from the water when Mahiru placed his hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Kuro. You don’t have to tell me but I’ll protect you from them.”

A sad smile spread across Kuro’s lips. “That’s a strange thing to say. You’re going to protect the monster with powers? You're already doing a lot by hiding me here so you don’t need to do anything.”

“But I want to, Kuro. We’re friends so you can depend on me. You’re not a monster either so don’t call yourself one. With your powers, you’re more like a superhero! I’ll show you a few manga with heroes who have abilities like yours.” Mahiru offered. He handed him the last plate and washed his hands. “Let’s go talk to Lily and Tetsu now.”

Kuro nodded and followed him to the basement. The two were sitting on the couch and they looked up when they walked into the room. He could feel their eyes on him and his eyes dropped to the ground. When they would’ve asked him their questions, Mahiru stopped them. “Kuro agreed to help us but it’s dangerous for him to leave the house.”

He walked to the table and pushed aside the DND figurines. Mahiru gestured for Kuro to sit before he spread a map over the table. He sat next to him and said, “This is a map of the town and the forest. My house is here and this is the woods where we found you. Misono went missing around here. Can you circle where you saw Misono last?”

Kuro took the pen from Mahiru and slowly drew over the wooded area next to Misono’s home. He drew two circles close to each other. He folded the map in half so a circle was on each side. He held up the map and explained, “We are here but Misono is in the Upside Down.”

“How can we get to him?” Mahiru placed his hand around Kuro’s and made him lower the map onto the desk. He didn’t understand what Kuro was trying to tell him and why he called the woods ‘the Upside Down’. He thought of his abilities and thought he knew something he didn’t. “The police already searched through the woods but they didn’t find Misono.”

“Under.” Kuro repeated. He poked the pen through the paper and caused a hole in both the circles. From their confused stares, he knew the three believed he was crazy. “I thought it was impossible to enter the Upside Down. I can only project myself into the darkness when father wanted me to… The only way you can enter this space is if you create a hole.”

“You think Misono fell through one of these holes?” Tetsu picked up the map and looked through the hole. “How can we find this hole and bring him back?”

“Can we believe what Kuro is telling us? A hole that takes us to another ‘Upside Down’ world sounds outlandish. I want to find Misono as quickly as possible. We can’t run around and look for something that might not exist.” Lily insisted. Mahiru understood how he felt since Kuro’s explanation was outlandish. But, he didn’t think Kuro was lying to them.

“Kuro made things move with his mind so there might be more things in this world we don’t know about, Lily. If Misono fell through a hole like he said, it would explain why there hadn’t been a hint of him in the forest.” Mahiru reasoned. “We’ll try to find the portal in the morning but we’ll give up if we don’t find it before school. After that, we can use traditional investigating to search for him. I want to find Misono too.”

“Okay,” Lily nodded. “Can you find Misono in the Upside Down?”

“Misono is hiding.” He picked up a DND character sitting on the corner of the table. Mahiru recognized the wizard figurine as the one Misono would often use. Kuro placed him in the center of the map, next to the hole. “But he’s close.”

“Hiding?” Tetsu’s brows furrowed slightly. “If Misono’s underground in the Upside Down, wouldn’t he be searching for the portal to come back to our world? What is he hiding from?”

Kuro pointed to another figurine and moved it onto the board next to the wizard. Mahiru didn’t understand what he meant to tell them. “A demogorgon?”

Hyde walked into his house and he did his best not to wake his brother. He searched for Misono well past midnight but he didn’t find a clue that could help him. He intended to develop the photos he took at school tomorrow. Hopefully, he could see something he missed in the darkness. He looked down at his camera and scrolled through the pictures he took.

He paused on the photo with Licht playing the piano. While he searched for his brother, he heard his song and he followed it to the party. Hyde wondered if Licht was being truthful when he said that he wasn’t like the popular students he knew. He was certainly more talented than anyone he knew. He forced himself to put the camera away with the thoughts.

He was tired and he wanted to collapse in his bed. Since he hiked through the woods, Hyde had to take a shower before he slept. He hoped the running water wouldn’t wake Mikuni. The last thing he needed was his brother lecturing him about staying out so late. The home was dark so he assumed that Mikuni was already asleep.

He passed Misono’s door and he heard a dull static noise drift into the hall. He was confused by the sound and he opened the door. Inside, he found Mikuni asleep and leaning against the bed. Hyde didn’t know how to react to the sight at first. He assumed that his brother missed Misono and decided to sleep in his room. He understood his feelings but why was he sleeping on the floor?

Quietly, he took a blanket from the bed and placed it over his lap. He thought of all the times Mikuni would do the same for them. Misono has a habit of falling asleep anywhere and Hyde tended to stay up late. Since he was the oldest, Mikuni took care of them after their parents died. Hyde felt selfish that he didn’t realize how stressed he was earlier.

He went to stop the cassette player but he accidentally changed the track. Hyde cursed lightly when he heard Mikuni wake behind him. He shut off the player and turned to face him. “Sorry to wake you. I know it’s super late but please don’t get mad at me. I stopped by the woods to look for Misono and lost track of time.”

“You turned off the cassette.” Mikuni shot to his feet. His urgency confused Hyde as he watched him turn on the cassette player again. “I heard Misono’s voice coming from here like the time we heard him over the phone. He’s trying to tell us how to find him. You can’t turn this off. What if we miss a message from him?”

“The phone call could’ve been Misono but it’s impossible for him to contact us through a cassette player. This thing can only play the cassettes we put into it.” Hyde thought of the phone call. He had to question his own sanity and if he truly heard his brother’s voice. “Neither of us has been sleeping well and we’re probably hearing thing, Mikuni.”

“I know it was him.” He retorted and he never took his eyes off the cassette player.

Hyde sighed and decided not to argue with him. “If you’re going to sleep here, you should at least use the bed. We both have a full day tomorrow. I plan to hand out more posters and you need to visit the power plant with JeJe. I’m sure that place has more answers than a cassette player. Night, Mikuni.”

“His brain function is normal so let’s proceed to the next test. Bring in the next sample for Subject Seven.” The scientists’ voices around Kuro sounded far away to him. He was sitting in the room alone while the scientists were in the next room. They watched him through a window and wrote notes on a clipboard.

Every day, they would have him complete a few tests. The days blended together until he eventually lost track of how much time passed. He couldn’t remember his life before the experiments. The scientists would give him different object to move or crush. More recently, they would have him find different objects or people within the facility.

Kuro didn’t understand the scientific terms they used or what they wanted to find with the tests. Occasionally, he would wonder if they wanted to refine his abilities or if they were experimenting on him.

The door opened and Kuro sat straighter. He thought the scientists would bring in another object but a cat walked inside instead. Kuro had only seen the animal once before but he wasn’t able to touch it. Yesterday, they had shown him a picture of the cat and told him to locate it. He did as he was told and drew the room the cat was locked in.

Kuro wondered how the animal found its way to the observation room. The cat approached him and rubbed its head against his leg. Hesitantly, he reached down to pet the cat. He found that it was warm and soft. It purred softly before it began to lick his fingers. He was shocked when the cat jumped onto his lap but he didn’t push it away. He continued to pet the cat and play with it.

“It’s time for the next stage.” He glanced up from the cat when he heard his father’s voice through the speaker. Their eyes for a moment but he quickly looked back down. “Put the cat on the table.”

Without a word, Kuro did as he was told. The cat repeatedly tried to jump back onto his lap. He thought it wanted to play with him more but he could hear the scientists become frustrated with the wait. He was afraid that he or the cat would be punished if he made them wait too long. “Father, how do I make the cat sit still?”

“I told you it’s unprofessional to call me that during these tests.” His harsh reminded made Kuro flinch. He repeated his command, “Put the cat on the table.”

“Yes, Sensei.” He lifted the cat off his lap and placed the cat in front of him. Kuro was grateful that the cat laid down on the table. The cat rolled onto its back and he rubbed its stomach. He liked the furry creature but he wondered how it was connected to the experiment. He knew better than to voice that question though.

“For the first test, lift the cat’s front, left paw.” The scientist instructed and Kuro’s eyes widened. He had only been told to use his powers to move inanimate objects in the other tests. He could feel the scientists staring at them and they tapped their pens against their clipboards. The low sound echoed around him and his stomach started to turn. “Lift the cat’s front, left paw.”

Kuro’s hand trembled but he forced himself to move. He lifted his hand and used his power to make the cat to the same. Through his powers, he could feel how fragile the cat was. He was afraid he would hurt it if he used his power on it too much. The moment the scientists finished taking notes, he let go of the cat. He lightly petted the cat as an apology for using his powers on it.

“Next, make the cat stand on its two back legs.” They ordered him but he hesitated. He turned to his father and silently begged him to end the tests. “Make the cat stand.”

“Will that hurt the cat?” He asked in a small voice. Kuro rarely questioned them during the tests but he felt conflicted when the cat purred at him.

They didn’t answer him aside from stating, “Make the cat stand or we will put you in the closet for an hour.”

“I…” His hands tightened into fists on his lap. He didn’t want to be trapped in the small room again but he couldn’t bring himself to use his powers on the cat again. His mind raced for a way to find a way to refuse without angering them. The scientists yelled at him through the speak while his father merely glared at him in silence. The cat started to hiss at the window as well. “It’s too loud!”

Unintentionally, he used his powers and the blinds on the window dropped. The room fell into silence and Kuro’s heart sank. He could only imagine how angry his father was that he used his abilities without his permission. He grabbed the cat and scurried to the corner of the room. Kuro sank to the ground and sat with the cat against his chest.

He heard people approach the room and he locked the door. Kuro knew that it would only delay them. He buried his face in the cat’s fur and wished he could escape the facility.

“Kuro!” He was shaken awake by the cry of his name. Mahiru’s eyes stared back at him and he instinctively threw his arms around him. He gently stroked Kuro’s hair to comfort him. Earlier, he heard him yelling so we went to check on him. He found him in the midst of a nightmare and tried to wake him up. “It’s okay, Kuro. You’re safe here with me.”

“Safe.” He nodded. Mahiru could see that he was trying to reassure himself of that and his heart ached for Kuro. He hugged him a little tighter. He didn’t know what he went through but he hoped he could replace all those memories with better ones.

“Do you want me to sleep down here with you tonight? It’ll be like a sleepover. That’s when friends stay up all night and have fun. We can talk or watch a movie.” Mahiru suggested. He took a spare pillow from the couch and dropped it next to Kuro’s. He moved the tiny television in front of the fort and then sat beside Kuro. “Do you mind if I sit next to you?”

“It’s okay.” He nodded. Mahiru sat close to him and he could feel the warmth of his arm. Kuro relaxed and watched the late night movie with him.