#the timeing is personally bizarre for me
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Wait, guys. Also, I promise you there are more ways to suck on heaven and YouTube than are dreamed of in your philosophies.
The whole thing could be about embezzlement for all we know. There's so much.
Or maybe it's The Bad Stuff, but deciding what it is now it's just assigning hurt where it may not be.
docm on iskall/stress resignation from hermitcraft
#that's probably all i have to say#the timeing is personally bizarre for me#such weird timing in such a minor way but a friend did think about me#and my strange mcyt in the wild thursday#iskall85#stressmonster101#docm77
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another wildly unimportant star trek pet peeve of mine is that i kinda hate it when people persistently call kirk "james", either in fic or in posts. like, yes, he's james t kirk. that's his name. but. he's jim. he asks people to call him jim. every time, it's jim. idk, maybe I'm too trans, but I figure that when someone tells you their preferred name, you use it.
I know a guy named bill. his name's william, sure, but he's bill. he specifically said so. I know an alexandria, who is always ally, and I know an aleksandra who is never ever a nickname. I know a thomas who flat out refuses to be tom. y'know? hell, I know a john who goes exclusively by jack, and a sarah who's riley. and it's rude as hell to ignore that.
I do understand that it's. a bit Silly to have that strong of an opinion on whether or not to call a fictional character by a nickname, but. oh well. i'm a bit silly i guess. like, yeah. it doesn't matter. he's not real. he doesn't care.
but he's jim to me.
#me every time i read a spirk fic where spock repeatedly calls him james in an intimate moment: he would not FUCKING say that#<- gritting my teeth the whole while even tho it literally doesn't matter and doesn't even take away from things unless you're weird (me)#besides spock already says jim like the name holds his whole heart. calling him james cannot possibly make it any more intimate#than the way he whispers jim. jim is already an endearment for him. the full name isn't somehow. 'more pure' or whatever.#especially bizarre when people call him james in their personal posts. who are you to him. are you his mother. it's allowed. but. odd.#i've read a fic or two where the Reason spock calls him james is because he thinks nicknames are Illogical (which is dumb)#but DOES make me tempted to write something where spock says nicknames are illogical and then jim shuts him down immediately#kirk: it's not illogical for someone to chose what they want to be called. i don't like being called james. use jim or kirk NOT james#you feel? spock says james in bed thinking it's cute and jim is like. no. that's a turnoff. don't say that. instant loss of erection.#tos#star trek tos#star trek the original series#james t kirk#captain kirk#jim kirk#kirk
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how I look trying to convey how insane it makes me that fugo spent his entire life being adultified for being very smart- first by his parents, then by that teacher, then by Bruno (hear me out), and possibly even by himself. No one treats him like he's another kid like Giorno or Narancia or Trish. I would argue even the fandom perception of him doesn't treat him like a kid.
Why is he responsible for Narancia? Why doesn't he get the same backlash from Bruno when he joins the gang? Isn't he younger than Narancia, and just like him has no business entering a gang? I would argue that because of his intelligence even Bruno always saw him as capable of keeping up with the adults, and therefore did not offer the same resistance to him joining the gang. Either that, or Bruno simply needed his intelligence and didn't care that he , too, was a child who should have been protected from becoming part of a freaking gang. Neither of these options paint Bruno in an appealing light.
I don't know. I have feelings on this that I can't properly articulate. It just bothers me that people gloss over how it seems the only person who saw Fugo as the kid he was was probably Abbacchio (based on what little we saw of their dynamic in PHF and VA). Idk. Raaagh
#stop treating Fugo like an adult challenge#hes not magically mature enough to handle everything you throw at him just because he can learn faster than others#and I would argue he is very immature.#likely because he never really got time to grow up mentally he just had to Be There the second it was demanded of him#wouldn't you be insane too if the entire world thinks you are more capable than you are#and Im not saying he isn't capable of doing everything that's demanded of him#I am saying#however#that that being the constant expectation of him is in no way good for any young person trying to always do the right thing#it makes me so unhappy#idk#jjba#vento aureo#pannacotta fugo#bruno bucciarati#leone abbacchio#< mentioned#fugoposting on main#I hope this makes sense#jjba part 5#jojo's bizarre adventure#jojos part 5
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WE'RE TAKING OVER THE WORLD, ONE KISS AT A TIME!ㅤ
"mittie" (full name trophically-transmitted parasite, any pronouns) — erratic // good // party animal
general (head): skinblend // facekit // face gradient // face undertones // hair + ombre // ahoge // brows // eye preset // lashes // eyes (hu tao) // black sclerae overlay // eyeliner (base game) // teeth // mouth recolor // head bizarre flowers (pollen) // ear bizarre flowers // branches // leaves general (body): body preset // skinblend // skin color // skin tints // arm gradients // leg gradients // body gradient (eezo shot jewels) // nails // vine overlay 1 // vine overlay 2 & bizarre flowers // arm petals (nascent petals) everyday: top (dream home decorator) // shorts (backyard) // shoes (gotta go) formal: choker // top (sweater vest) + shorts (distressed shorts) // shoes (base game) athletic: top (base game) // shorts (carnaval streetwear) // shoes (gotta go) sleep: top (horse ranch) // shorts (base game) // shoes (base game) party: choker // top (leila tee) // skirt (i couldn't find a working link...) // shoes (get together) swimwear: outfit (base game) // feet hot weather: top (jungle adventure) // shorts (daniel shorts V1) // shoes (gotta go) cold weather: outfit (snowy escape) // scarf (no. 3) // gloves (home chef hustle) // shoes (get together) extras: poses 1 // poses 2 // fish inspired by @puppycheesecake's bizarre plantsim family!
thank you! — @atomiclight, @pyxiidis, @valhallansim, @serawis, @raccoonium, @simbience, @saruin, @ssspringroll, @plantainboat, @diesus2412d, @reibies-sims, @pinkpatchy, @dizzyrobinsims, @zaneida-and-sims4, @obscurus-sims, @noodlescc, @crilender, @gummyheaven, @auralixx, @magic-bot, @dansimsfantasy, @nucrests, @sentate, @aharris00britney, @ayoshi, @helgatisha, @the-daydream-archives
#(caption from Do It All The Time by iDKHOW)#i've always wanted to make a bizarre plantsim so i finally tried my hand at it!#for the cold weather outfit just imagine it tucking its flowers under its clothes. they're still there trust me#anyway meet mittie! it's a part of the mother plant that detached from her and then (quite literally) grew into its own person#it's obsessed with human culture and nowadays tries to befriend people but has trouble convincing them it means no harm#(that's also why i intentionally tried to make it look cute!)#also i think its favorite hobby is fishing because it can then eat the resulting fish as fertilizer.#i love you mittie... might even use it for a challenge playthrough sometime later#the sims 4#ts4#ts4 simblr#simblr#ts4 plantsim#plantsim#ts4 occult#occult sim#ts4 lookbook#lookbook#sim: mittie#snag's sim tag#(sorry if this post blasts your dash to smithereens. for some reason tumblr doesn't like it when i put a 'read more' on this post)
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I'm so obsessed with this stupid fucking naked cat it's actually pathetic. (Full under cut)
#killer queen#killer queen jojo#jojo's bizarre adventure#jojo no kimyou na bouken#jojo fanart#jjba#jjba fanart#digital art#sketch#ive only drawn 3 jojo things atm and this is the one i actually put effort into#what character obsession does to a person#it was supposed to be an one off sketch#and then i got carried away#not the type of stuff i usually post but i like it and its my blog#sorry for the non jojo followers#following me is a gamble- i might draw a bunch of stuff from a fandom i like but it's 50/50 if ill post it#most of the time i dont
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Salty rant v2
This is basically me angrily screaming about Ford again (wow what a surprise) to a wall (myself, my rotten brain and my blog) so feel free to skip this
Fuck it I'll bite
Gf fans when you tell them Ford had every right to be mad at Stan for ruining his Project (he saw it as the only chance to prove himself and get accepted in his dream school, and even tho WE know it was an accident, Ford doesn't he thinks it was a purpose sabotage and it really doesn't help that Stan didn't told him which resulted in him making a fool of himself Infront of ppl he wanted to impress and then Stan tried to pass it off as something that didn't matter even tho it mattered so much to Ford, like of course he'd be mad everyone would be mad in his position)
Gf fans when you tell them it's not Ford's fault that Stan got kicked out it's all Filbricks fault (seriously guys, blame the fucking abusive father, not the 17 year old living in an abusive household)
Gf fans when you tell them standing up against an abusive person (especially if they're your parent) is hard to do for yourself let alone for someone else
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wasn't the "golden/favourite child" Filbrick dgaf about him and only wanted to use his intelligence for money and both Ford and Stan were abused just in different ways (seriously find a different dynamic to describe an abusive household than "golden child" and "scapegoat" I say as I put a gun in your head)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wanting to go to college isn't egotistical
Gf fans when you tell them Ford wanting to make a name for himself doesn't make him egotistical (he literally grew up in an abusive household, and was bullied and treated like an outcast for most of his life, him seeking out validation is a trauma response not egotism)
Gf fans when you tell them if Ford is petty for correcting Stan's grammar then Stan is equally as petty for refusing to hold his hand over a thank you literally seconds ago (of course he had the right to want him to thank him and be mad, but it was the END OF THE WORLD, they are both responsible in that scene)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford isn't ignorant for being manipulated by Bill cuz 1) Bill is a master manipulator who's managed to manipulate and terrorise humanity since forever using lies/flattery/fear 2) despite having a high IQ he has a low EQ and therefore isn't able to tell if someone has ill intentions due to being....an outcast and therefore doesn't have the social skills to be able to tell others true intentions/manipulations which made him an easy victim for Bill (do u guys even know what manipulation means)
Gf fand when you tell them the reason why Ford didn't try to reach out to Stan was because he thought he was doing fine since he had seen an ad of his on tv (he had no way of knowing Stan was still homeless anymore, and you don't usually see homeless people's ads on tv), not because he didn't care
Gf fans when you tell them Ford didn't force Fiddleford to do shit for him, and that he was against the use of the memory gun and wanted him to get rid of it but Fiddleford literally erased his memories of it so he could continue using it. And that therefore Ford isn't to blame for everything that happened with the memory gun just cuz Fiddleford had bad coping mechanisms. (Seriously you all are acting as if he pointed the memory gun on his head and forced him to abandon his family and build him the portal. No!! Fiddleford made those decisions himself he could had left Gravity Falls at any moment and return to his family but no he didn't, he chosed to stay and start a fucking cult. That is on him. Not on Ford)
Gf fans when you tell them the way Ford acted during the time where he was literally being abused, manipulated and isolated by a demon is way more complex and naused than "ego! ego!".. because he was literally being abused and manipulated...
Gf fans when you tell them the reason why Ford called Stan to hide his journals wasn't because he only wanted to use him as a way to fix his mistakes but because he was literally really desperate and feared for the safety of the world and he didn't have anyone else he could trust and that he was hella traumatized due to being literally tortured both physically and phycological and sleep deprived and on the bring of insanity (of fucking course he wasn't gonna act logically and say mean shit he didn't actually mean, he was losing his mind! Stan had also said mean shit to him because he was angry but nobody talks about that)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford being mad at Stan for opening the portal is understandable, because 1) he literally ignored all the warnings that the portal could potentially destroy the whole world and 2) he was literally about to FINALLY killing Bill after 30 years of fighting for his life in the multiverse to try and find a way to
Gf fans when you tell them Ford's trust issues are completely understandable because he was literally betrayed, manipulated and abused by the "person" he trusted the most (Bill). And the other two people he trusted did something that hurt his trust on him (Fiddleford erasing his memories, Stan ruining his project)
Gf fans when you tell them Ford's and Bill's relationship isn't "toxic yaoi/messy divorce!" And that it was incredible abusive and that FORD was a victim ( average gf fan claims they "don't romantize/support the toxic ((call it abusive guys, that's literally what it is)) elements of this ship I just like to explore unhealthy dynamics in fiction:) *proceeds to make 10 posts of "he fucked the triangle!" jokes and gets mad at you if you actually point out the abuse and makes 100 aus where they get back together/stay together*
Gf fans when I tell them that I really don't care about what Alex has said about Ford being "egotistical" or "ignorant" because that's also the same guy who said he didn't intended for Pacifica to come off as a victim of abuse because controlling your child with a bell is total normal parent behaviour guys (/s). (I stopped listening to most of the stuff he said after that, not gonna lie, cuz most of the stuff he says about Ford's "ego" and "ignorance" are flat out victim blaming) ((I mean come on guys, he literally says he based Ford's and Bill's relationship off REAL LIFE toxic relationships he's seen and then he goes and says shit like how it's Ford's own "ego and ignorance" fault that he's ended up in that situation. Don't you guys think that's a bit weird))
#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#okay I'm gonna be brave today and main tag this#I hope I won't regret it later#honestly the only thing I can't really defend him on is all that with dipper#but at the same time. he wasn't trying to separate them. he saw that dipper was like him and wanted to do what he thought was the best for#him.#okay he was projecting a bit with that “isn't it suffocating?” comment but at the same time#my dude's social skills had always been shitty and he literally hasn't interacted with a person in like 30 years#he wasn't fucking trying to manipulate him#something something#the way this fandom treats Stan's trauma vs Ford's trauma is so different and it makes me ick#people tend to sympathise with Stan while tone down the trauma and abuse Ford suffer because they don't see him as a victim#which is like bizarre to me I want to say that it's cuz he's not a perfect victim but neither is stan yet ppl still acknowledge his trauma#and I swear to god it wasn't as bad as this BEFORE tbob#my main theory atm is that it's the result of B1llford shippers wanting to desperately ignore the fact their ship is. in fact. abusive.#by trying to make out Ford to be this terrible selfish egomaniac monster as a way to say “look he's terrible too! they deserve eachother!”#and people acting being stupid enough to believe it (media literacy is dead nowadays)#and then stanley and fiddleford stans also started to desperately wanting to earse them of their own flaws and fucks uo to make them more#sympathetic by blaming everything on ford
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Hi, it's me again. I decided to follow your advice and try to seek out your 'actually serious' analysis, which led me to your komahina bible, the most easy to find compilation of this supposed analysis. Here are my thoughts-
1) Overview
- Most of this 'analysis' isn't analysis but a summary/overview of the game. It's not so much a 'bible' as a children's book summary of the bible, which at that point it would be better to play the actual game itself. It's clear it was made for a presentation on the 'uninitiated' if you will, but if that's the case, you shouldn't be advertising it as the literal bible on the subject.
- When you are not regurgitating points from the game beat by beat, the screen is halfway filled with either manga panels or fanart. My gripes with manga panels are, that even though they do depict the events of the game, the way they can be depicted by the artist can be pretty subjective due to the freedom of the medium in comparison to sprites, and that the role of one character can differ depending on whose pov manga it is (chiaki vs nagito). Fan art therefore should be scrutinized even more since it fully depicts abstracted and even the fandomified version of events, leading to situations where it's either unclear what is actually happening or betrays your more shallow view of the characters (i talk abt this later.)
- When you do use pictures directly from the game it's either a possible screenshot from a memorable moment or dialog from the wiki, limited almost exclusively to the freetime events. This leads me to believe that you haven't actually played the game(there are other factors hinting towards this) or watched a Let's Play of it, but going off of merely information that's already widely known and circulating within the fandom, and easy to search on the wiki.
2) Incorrect/Questionable information
Here I'll compile a lot of information that's either plainly wrong or baffling to having come to that conclusion , leading more credence to the theory that you either haven't actually played the game or your memory of it isnt as good as you think.
-"if Nagito's plan went off of without a hitch, he would have killed anyone that was closes to him at the time" plainly wrong. Komaeda's goal from the start was to make himself the victim, so by dying this way his death could have meaning and help the others. For somebody that keeps talking about Komaeda's "Martyr complex" this is truly a weird take to have.
-"Nagito...got the nurse for sure sick" is there any proof that specifically points to Komaeda for this? I believe the takeaway should've been that Mikan got sick because she was around all of them AND she overworked herself trying to take care of them. Is this just an awkwardly phrased attempt to make more of a connection between Tsumiki and Komaeda? I don't think you needed more than the ones that already existed.
- "he helps Junko brainwash a bunch of students" Kamukura at neither point in the anime or Danganronpa 0 was ever specifically implicated in the brainwashing. He never 'helps' Junko, especially in that way. If you meant, participates in the student council killing game, you should've said that, but even then his agency and influence is limited.
-"they found the Remnants and captured them!"...no, they didn't. The Remnants presented themselves as survivors and the Foundation took them in. They handed themselves over willingly. It was a pretty big piece of the final part of the game...
3) Komaeda and Komahina
- "Nagito's habit of putting people on pedestals" Where. Sure, he certainly parrots the belief that the "Ultimates" as a unit are at the top of the food chain and should be prioritised, but its clear that doesn't exactly carry over to his classmates like teruteru, Kuzuryu and even Souda sometimes. Just because of a few positive comments refering to them as Ultimates and the trial which he literally breaks down in, this is a hard position to support.
-"Nagito manipulates Hajime into playing the game" How. He literally just told him to play it. How is that manipulation. Also, isn't it a bit unfair to put the blame on Koizumi's death to him as well? I think they were multiple factors playing into this, but sure, how else are you gonna convince people that Komaeda is a twisted fucking cyclepath that loves leading people to their deaths.
-The way that you say the Kuzuryu/Pekoyama relationship mirrors Komahina as 'I will give up my agency for you/ I just want you' is also confusing. Unless of course you mirror Peko's struggle with her agency and harmful beliefs the clan enforced on her with Komaeda's own belief system, in which case, idk man, i feel like you are giving a bit too much credit to the supposed severity of Komaeda's views and trying too hard to make Hinata the 'rational' and 'grounding' one in the relationship.
- Again, the amount of times you refer to Komaeda as a freak for doing something 'weird' or even being drawn weirdly doing it , mostly in the manga, makes me belief this isn't just an affectionate tongue in cheek joke as you claim, but an actual way in which your interpretation of Komaeda is colored.
-"it doesn't excuse his nonchalance towards tragedy and murder but explains it" what needs to be excused here exactly? Komaeda doesn't need to immediately bawl his eyes out when someone gets killed or else he's suspicious and...bad? I am confused with what you mean by this. If you mean that Komeada shouldn't be so nonchalant about murder because he's constantly trying to kill someone else, that is plainly incorrect and i explained above why.
-Posturing about Komaeda's 'black and white thinking' while in the next exact slide you show fanart of him smugly explaining he has Borderline. First, i want you to explain to me the black and white thinking in a way that isn't "oh, the friends and classmates i previously liked turned out to be fucking terrorists". I think that's a pretty justifiable situation for your thinking to go from white to black. Also, if that is enough credence to assign Komaeda BPD, you really don't know how BPD works, especially since you assigned it to the one character you constantly talk about being a freak (and also lust...pseudo lust? after).
- The insistence with Hinata not really understanding Komaeda and running away, even if he wants to understands him is pretty suspect, especially when compared to the game. Hinata is confused and overwhelmed yes, but it's not just that he wants to understand Komaeda but that he still feels fondness for him, he still follows his advice and puts his faith in him and the way he mourns him in Chapter 5 is also pretty indicative of this. It's just another part in the pattern in you making Hinata the confused, rational, 'morally pure' man that's 'tempted' by 'corrupted' manic pixie mentally ill demon Komaeda. Something tells me your priest AU isn't so much playing with dolls as much as...what you actually believe these characters dynamic is.
- The whole page where Servant is basically made into a joke about how hot and sexy and freaky he is doesn't help your point either.
-The most damning evidence of course is a drawing in the second to last slide, wherein Komaeda is supposed to be analogous to 'guy who has something wrong with him' (distorted, freak, mentally ill) and Hinata is analogous to the guy that 'is the only one that understands them' (the rational one, the relationship of understanding doesn't go both ways).
- Your slide with sources is pretty vague and unclear. Also the way that you credit "Your superior mind" before the game itself when all you've been doing is repeating and misinterpreting the plot of the game is ...ironic
So yeah, that's all I got. Feel free to 'debunk' my observations as much as you please, I just want to know if there's actual basis behind everything you just said or I should go digging for 'the actual serious analysis' yet again.
i think you forgot that fandom is meant to be fun
#ask#anon#tw anon hate#i’m not gonna go through each individual point here bc frankly that’d be a waste of my time#so i’m just going to say this:#i am someone who makes jokes. funny haha jokes. i Laugh. i Shitpost. Common Fandom Behavior#‘freak’ is a word i use to refer to myself more often than anyone else#i view it with a positive connotation. and also kmda is objectively weird!! that is part of what makes his character good#i use 2 definitions of ‘freak’: the first is Related To Sex and the second is Strange Or Bizarre#komaeda is a strange and bizarre person who is regularly used for fanservice#you could for sure say maybe i have some sort of bias with calling people ‘freaks’ but for you to assume ill intent is nasty#that presentation was made to give my irl friends an understanding of what i mean when i talk abt kmhn#‘kmhn bible’ is a JOKE title. it’s a BIT. i don’t know if you’ve noticed but i try to have fun around here#anywho. i’m not going to argue semantics with someone who is clearly convinced that i couldn’t possibly know what i’m talking about#that’s not worth my time or energy.#i’m going to continue to have fun on the internet with my friends. i am going to continue making my funny jokes#i am going to continue to make weird bad not-quite-horny art. and i’m going to be happy#you can either block me like an adult and move on with your life. or you can send me another anon#if you do send me that ask know that i will block you. this is a conversation i am done having#because i will not have these conversations with people who refuse fo respect me#it’s clear that you have it in your head that you’re smarter than me. which sure whatever believe what you want idgaf#but regardless of how you view me i am not obligated to prove myself to you. ever#thanks for downloading my funny little powerpoint though ^_^
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I think Gepard would also probably like to pick him up by the scruff like a kitten (and throw him in jail) !
Thank you for the compliment @durasposts ;w; I have been enjoying doodling Sampo so I am glad he's been appreciated!
#honkai star rail#sampo koski#trailblazer#gepard landau#not actually meant to be ship art but whatever floats your boat in regards to them ???#i dont really follow many people on tumblr but i do know on Another Site ive seen fanart of silly belobog boys#many a time so i assume its very popular#too each their own and the trailblazer is just there to be impressed with lifting the much taller male even taller#the way people describe being fond of a character has grown progressively more bizarre to me#and i love it so much tbh ... i like the weird ways of admitting you like a character#im so boring and say oh i like this guy and then others i want to pick him up by the scruff of his neck#or someone i dearly love telling me i wanna swing him around like miss trunchbull would#and im like you know what the oc the person said it about im like thats really fair tbh
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I don’t think you all realize how many times I’ve had to hold myself back from going on a long rant about the age gap N and Hilbert allegedly have according to Bulbapedia (just so you all know, I stand on the freak side of things, I genuinely would still ship them if the Pokemon company swore they were 14 and 20). It’s just narratively this is nonsense and does not fit and Word Of God means nothing when compared to source material so 16 and 18 makes way more sense. But again…not worth rambling about. One thing I will say is while I can kind of buy N as 20 (21 would make more sense as the next age milestone after 18 he might have been coronated at, but I guess 20 is from when you’re an adult in Japan?) it’s honestly Hilbert as 14 that grinds my gears more. Like why does Bulbapedia say he’s 14 and then within the trivia section of that very page, mention that interviews say he and Hilda were designed as 16. Like at least list 14-16 as the age range??? Like bruh, why is it not a range????? 16 is clearly one of the correct interpretation of his age. Constantly perplexed by this.
The damage Bulbapedia has done cause fools won’t play the source material and come to their own conclusions….
Like I guess if one wishes to assume Hilbert is younger than the game implies and N is older than the game implies have at it. You do you. But it’s such a bizarre shift to see in how the ship is viewed.
#Grinds my gears#again would still ship it no matter what but I have Feelings about word of god trumping source material#dare I tag this….#N#touya#pokemon#IsshuShipping#I’ve said my piece I’ve seen multiple people make arguments but I’ll still stand with my canceled ship#send an ask about it to the side blog if you want to see me go off the rails tho#I’ve thought about reasoning behind their ages too much#Syd rambles#I feel this needs the added context that I was drunk when I wrote this#went into a tizzy as a result of twitter pissing me off with age discourse#also this post is slowly turning into me putting on my clown makeup since over on the side blog I’m pondering embracing the “canon” age gap#since all of this is still 1000% true to me but spite is fueling me so I’m like fine for every person who trash talks the ship#even if they’re pro Isshu when they’re closer in age I still get annoyed at the trash talking (it’s that that annoys me more tbh)#people that are pro the ship but only when you do it “the right way”#so sure maybe I will use the foolish age gap#bizarre implications of what that means for Cheren having a full time job at 16 and all (that’s the other piece what it does to BW2 ages)#so to anyone liking this post realize I do play both sides of liking the ship cause I Do Not Care about the maybe/maybe not wider age gap
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I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.
#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats#that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know#i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around?#like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist.#i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me.#but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles#i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face#sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat#or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre.#i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally#it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely#and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year.#so i think i'm justified in being a little upset!#i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge!#the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in#somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community.#anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year#because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision#to do everything i can to love the people here.#i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do!#i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned!#i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers!#i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in#i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too#of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in#and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community#it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it!#i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood#and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now
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at the end of the day I have a host of my own reasons (ranging from entirely reasonable to plain prideful, imo) for finding that kind of language & the underlying perspective grating, but here is what I wish people would understand: as someone who is nearly 30 years old, I do not need to be told I'm queer enough and included and I have the permission of my peers to behave sexually in one way or another. I need people to respect me, to treat me with dignity, to be mindful of how they might be transferring their internalized homophobia or misogyny onto me with their language & actions, I need them to treat me as a competent adult who can make my own choices, to not act so arrogant as to think they have nothing they can connect with/learn from people like me, to reflect on whether certain assumptions they are making about my politics, inner life, and lived experience are a result of presumed hierarchy and how maybe acting on those assumptions could be harmful. people making a sincere effort to put these things into practice would mean so much more to me than any empty statement about how "valid" I am
#it's like that post said just drop the taxonomic perspective already. it is so fucking bizarre to me as someone who moved around in the#world as a lesbian for a long time to be treated by some ignorant people like I'm an entirely different species of person now.
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bisexual men who I want to sink my teeth into and shake around like a chewtoy
#em is yelling#this is honestly applicable to a bunch of guys but obv i am still losing my mind over yesterday. help#it's so bizarre though like. i don't really feel as many weird attachment things with him? he just. puts me so at ease idk idk#like i've been thinking about him constantly since he dropped me off yesterday but i don't feel as much of an urgent need#to have an immediate response to a message i sent#or constant validation he really likes me#i mean the fact that we first got together when i was 16 and we've both tried to get together like every year since is just like.#a sigh of relief?#this person has been through so much and knows that i have too and is just so open and understanding and kind in such subtle ways#and it's just. a lovely experience to get to know him and feel him in small pockets of time even if that's all we get. yknow?
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aaaaaaa??????
it's not a bad aaaa but it is a ???? kind of aaaa? life has developed in a strange way? i'm seeing someone? i guess? anyway posts relating to him will be tagged #nap buddy since this last weekend we spent like 50% of the time napping together
#i'm just as shocked and confused as anyone else is#as an aroace person this is like. bizarre to me lol#someone likes me and also my body? insane#i don't remember the last time i was like. Desired. so this is New and i don't have the social flowcharts developed for this.#so i'm just trying to not be anxious every second of the day#we've been friends for 2 years so it's not like this is out of the blue affection but! recontextualizing it makes me go aaaaa#anyway.#nika rambles
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if there is a 'Group', i am always on the outside looking in, it's been the one constant in my life - i have been aware of it since i was young. i have never known how to 'join' Groups. no matter how much i try to fix whatever is wrong with me or change myself its never enough. when you want to belong but you cant figure out how to belong, its the worst
#jrnlsht#and the worst feeling in the world is when one person in The Group decides they dont like you all of sudden#and you get cut off from everyone else in The Group#this happened to me like clockwork every six months in pittsburgh#I would find a new friend group and think wow this is it i belong these people are great#then one guy or two guys would decide i was going to be their girlfriend and give me an ultimatum#date the guy or you cant be friends anymore#and because the guy was in the friend group before i was that meant if i said no to dating i was permanently out of The Group#so i said no and had to work to find a whole new friend group#this is why by the time i left pittsburgh my friends were almost exclusively women i just stopped trusting befriending men#anyway what is happening now feels like the exact same thing only this time bizarrely its work/career instead of friendship/dating
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Self shipping spaces are really funny to me because they're quite different from X reader stuff in that these people... Get jealous over characters. Which not judging this isn't what this is about, I write yandere X reader the call is coming from within the house I just. Have never really experienced jealousy romantically myself??? I think that might be why I like yanderes because if it was just up to me for a relationship to happen we would be getting nowhere fast lmfao
#sophie speaks#this is such a ramble but rock on#like obviously i selfship but seeing as my sense of self... is up in the air... it makes it all a bit different#'i would never do what yn did' well obviously you don't have multiple personalities or an airfryer#anyways i just. i dont get jealous much#shout out to the love triangles i was in (one in the centre and one on one of the sides) where both times i went#'cant we just do polyamory'#and everybody hated that lmao even the guy i was suggesting have two girlfriends#i know now he wanted me to be jealous but like. youre not getting that outta me mate#its bizarre ppl do that. what is wrong w the neurotypicals what mind games must you force me through#'i want attention so ill go to this person instead and make them jealous so theyll come to me!!' 'oh they wanna hang out w them today cool'
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Since i diacovered your blog i just see you as diavolo irl so Its so fascinating seeing you talk about diavolo in 3rd person everytime. My brain just goes "why are they talking about themselves that way oh right they're not actually diavolo" and its wack i have to remember this
Which in turn ends up sounding like something hed do. oops
i have been assigned diavolo kin by anon. i feel accomplished
#asks#LOL i do have the diavolo avatar and the ''i am king crimson in real life'' as my blog title so i get it#that reminds me i think i've actually had a mutual tell me they imagine me with the diavolo hair spots before a long time ago#also i agree i think if diavolo ever had to talk about himself he would do it in third person lol...#i admit the fact that i do not act like diavolo is something i've bizarrely felt some dissatisfaction about at times#despite knowing very well diavolo is not someone you should aspire to be like...
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