#the things id love to hear and the things said to me being options in the six heart event
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sobbing at every heart event ...
#stardew valley#sdv shane#farmer koi#as someone who grew up thinking i would be fine with death at 18#as someone who struggled so hard with connecting with others because everything felt suffocating#being able to tell shane that im happy hes here is like telling myself that and hoo boy im crying#the things id love to hear and the things said to me being options in the six heart event#really impacted me#as someone who related to no after plan in the four heart event because i still dont even have a real plan in life#just wow the flashbacks to being unhappy in school the thoughts of being condemned in sunday school#and the fact you can tell him its a sin as a reason to not roll off a cliff is just enough to remind me of how much that hurts#as if im so bad you have to try guilting me into living... gosh#shanes heart events are therapy for me to actually tell someone i relate to YOURE STILL HERE AND THATS GOOD#like does concernedape know how therapeutic its been to tell shane the things i wanna hear#anyway sorry for the possibly depressing tags that is why i kept them in the tags#watch me go back and just delete all the tags but yeah this has been emotional to see from a diff perspective#im so used to being shane that its wild to see what it might look like and its kinda crushing me
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i need a list of all of my interests w/o making tht shit publically available my ass forgetful
#google doc is not pretty. unpubbed carrd has a limit of assets#which i Probably wouldnt reach but still a minor concern..#and then there is excell which i vaguely remember hearing smthn about being able to design it idk if thts true. but id hafta relearn tha#whole thing first. but i do want to do that sometime anyway!#my pros and cons..#it speaks!#as much as i love writing things down i do want it digital for unlimited organization#if i ran out of space on a real page/etc. in a notebook then id hafta make a whole new 1 entirely away from the og for the same#media type/genre/etc. and that would be soso unpleasant evil for me#i like things together. tha autism#and things like goodreads and letterboxed are not options theyre Separate from eathother and cant organize podcasts multimedia stuff etc.#tables are ideal‚ i HEART tables 🫀🫀🫀#its tha grids. tbh.#excel would be ideal esp esp if i can make it pretty. tbh.#i said tbh 3 times‚ now im thinking of it (◕_◕) [tbh/autism creature emoticon]
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GOJO SEES YOU WEARING HIS SHIRT !
Pairing. student!gojo x student!gn!reader
Genre. fluff, friends to hinted lovers perhaps
Word count. 0.6k | Warnings. swearing, the reader is smaller than gojo (the shirt is big on them)
A/N. i see a lot of these and like 7/10 times theyre smut LMAOAO so i wanted to write a fluff ver! i also did Not think id be writing for jjk but 😭 ig we are + not rlly proofread sorry :(
Today was Gojo's day off, and what better way to start it than waking up at four pm?
He was a busy guy - despite only being in high school - he's already taken on many jobs, it was only right he could get sixteen hours of sleep.
When he arrived at your shared dorm at twelve in the morning, you were already asleep, so when he got out of his room and laid his eyes on you wearing his t-shirt, he couldn't help but gasp.
"Oh, hey Satoru." You spoke, sparing him a quick glance before going back to cooking. His mouth was still wide open; he couldn't respond—he tried, but he couldn't. No sound could leave him. Who knew all it took for the strongest to be left speechless was the sight of you in his shirt?
You look back at him, seeing how his jaw was still on the floor, you realize it was probably because of what you were wearing right now.
"Oh! This? Sorry," you chuckle, "none of my clothes have been washed yet—call me gross, whatever—so I decided to steal from your wardrobe. Hope you don't mind." You stuck your tongue out before placing the eggs on a plate.
You moved to put the plate on the dining table, giving him a better view of you in his shirt. It fit him so perfectly, so seeing it so big on you absolutely made his heart melt.
There was a light tint of pink on your friend's cheeks now; you were so cute he felt like he was going to pass out.
"Are you okay with just eggs? There's more stuff but I wanna save them for next time—oh, actually, you might not be here tomorrow…" You mumbled the last part, choosing to ignore how he still hasn't responded to any of your sentences.
Gojo tried to get a word out, but all he could manage was a strange, strangled noise, which you respond to with a confused hum. No matter how much he tried, he couldn't organize any of his thoughts. He was screaming over and over in his head, but there was a thought slightly bigger than the rest (the rest which consisted of AAAA's, OH MY GOD's, and WHAT THE FUCK's)—that thought was: "holy fuck you're so adorable," which was also exactly what he just blurted out.
Now it was your turn to be flustered, "I—what?"
Gojo's eyes widen before he covers his face with his hands, his face now fully red. "Ignore what I just said," his voice was muffled, but you could still hear what he said.
You never thought you'd see the Gojo Satoru blushing so deeply with his face in his hands, but here he is. You laugh, "can you repeat that?" You were teasing him, I mean, it's not every day that this happens, but any more teasing and his heart might actually blow up.
"Y/n, shut up—oh my God—I hate you!"
"I thought you said I was adorable? Or do you hate cute things?"
He yells into the palms of his hands.
Although you're being bold right now, him calling you adorable caused your brain to shut down for a good millisecond. Gojo complimented you all the time, but somehow, this felt different.
You walk to where he's standing right now, hands still covering his pretty face. You put your hand on his, and the feeling of your warm and soft hands comfort him.
He could tell you wanted to pull his hands away, and while he didn't want that, he was so weak to your touch.
He had no other option but to give in, so he did. You put his left hand away first, then the right. With his hand still in yours, you softly spoke, "if that's the case, then you must really hate yourself."
Oh, he was so in love with you.
© geombyu
#if this has a gendered term or smthng of that sort i am soosos sorry i didnt proofread but i will once i wake up#so trust if there is any ill fix them tmrw#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#gojo fluff#jjk gojo#jjk x reader#jjk x you#gojo x you#jjk fluff#jjk imagines#jjk scenarios#gojo scenario#anime fluff#anime x reader#gojo x y/n#gojo imagine#gojou satoru x reader#gojou satoru x you#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen fluff
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hey so how do you think the turtles rottmnt would deal with having a s/o and Casey slips up a “Mr/Mrs Hamato” to the s/o and it dawns on s/o right away what that means and if their turtle picks up on it and brings it up. S/o remains silent until then with yes or no answers when usually they’re way more talkative. S/o is like “Don’t you dare start. We’re on mission and we’re too young to be talking about this right now” Makes it sound like it’s an option when they’re both 30 or something, but they’re panicking by hearing this news right now, they’re making excuses not to talk about it, and they clearly need time to process it? 😂 (s/o does want to marry their turtle eventually, but this news freaked them out. Even the krang alien didn’t freak them out as much as knowing they get married to their boyfriend does).
HAISKEKEKR YES
Rise!Turtles when Casey Jr calls their s/o “Ms/Mr/Mx Hamato”
Donnie
Donnie would probably do a double take…then a triple take
Bros just standing there like🤨”tf?”
When he finally processes it, he corrects Casey
“Ah, but that is where you are wrong. (Name) isn’t my spouse. We’re just in a romantic relationship, but not legally married.”
Yeahhh he goes into the technical stuff about it
Casey explains it’s just habit since you and Donnie hang out a lot
Eventually Donnie doesn’t seem to care, sometimes he might use it to tease even
“Yes, I would agree that’s a good plan. And how about you, Ms/Mr/Mx Hamato? What say thee?”
Not quite as flustered but more in the confused side of things
Leo wouldn’t stop teasing him, Raph occasionally would tease
Mikey is just doing little happy stims in the corner because of how adorable he thinks it is
(Donnie likes it but will never on Galileo’s name admit it)
Mikey
Seems confused at first but wraps an arm around your shoulder before explaining
“Oh! No, we’re not married! Not yet, at least. (Name) is just my partner!”
Istg he’s so wholesome about this I can’t-
He’d use it but not in a teasing way (50/50 he will whisper it just to see your reaction)
The others seemed confused considering Mikey was the youngest of them all and there was no way they could even imagine him getting married at that age
Even they correct Casey, again explaining that you two were only dating
Mikey does get used to it but always gets excited to hear it, clinging onto you tightly and giggling
Leo
SMUG. ASS. BITCH.
Bro grins from ear to ear, nodding
“Ms/Mr/Mx Hamato~? Damn, I never thought you’d love me so much as to take my last name~?”
Yeah you bonked him over the head with your phone after that
(He whined…A LOT)
He’s constantly teasing you about it, like 24/7 constantly
There have been a few times where he’s accidentally said it without realizing and it has confused literally everyone in the room
Like he says it on accident and they’re all just “🧍”
He didn’t even notice! He just thought you guys were quiet!
Later in the day he does realize it and then face palms himself while his face heats up
Sometimes if the others tease him and he’s had too much of it he’ll bury his head into your neck </3
Raph
My big man Raph
The dude
The guy
The silly
He just corrects Casey, doesn’t even feel flustered
Okay maybe a bit…
No he’s very flustered
He won’t admit the tho…(ids obvious he is)
Raph would correct him and probably wouldn’t tease you
If he would it would probably be after a long day of fighting and you both would be too exhausted to even think too much about it
“Jeez…You did good today…Ms/Mr/Mx Hamato…”
You looked at him confused bc like
Did your sweet innocent kind caring Angel of a boyfriend tease you?
If you’re too quiet afterwards he might think he said something wrong so don’t do that </3
He really doesn’t mind the whole thing but honestly he has thought about it being a real thing one day
-
Thank you so much for your request! Feel free to leave something else if you’d like! Have a wonderful day/night!! <33333
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but like....what happens after she opens the door for logan....like theoretically what happens (asking for a friend)
ok just for your friend ill make a pt 2 of the stream of consciousness love triangle drama fest-
when you open the door youre looking down because you dont want to look logan in the face and hes speaking to you in the softest voice he can ‘alright let me in, were talking about this’ and you step aside to let him in and he sits on one end of the couch looking at you while you close the door and take the far end of the couch with your legs scrunched up facing him which honestly is how you usually sit but its also convenient rn bc you can easily tuck your face in if you get too embarrassed again but anyway youre like ‘i know what youre gonna say-‘ but he cuts you off with a faux exasperated chuckle and it makes you look him in the eye finally and that oddly centers you ‘then will ya let me say it?’ and you dont have the ability to deny him shit especially when his eyes are staring so annoyingly softly at you and so he says ‘i think you know how i feel about you, i clearly care about you, a lot, and nothings changing that,’ hes speaking slowly and you can tell hes trying to carefully choose his words in the moment but then he takes a beat and a deep breath before he finishes his thought with ‘but wades got a point kiddo, the way i see you- the way i see us- this isnt gonna be a romantic thing’ and then ofc the tears start forming in your eyes again but this time a tear drop starts to fall down your cheek and logan gets closer so that he can put a hand on your knee while you stare up at the ceiling (and like fuck u for that logan but also you dont budge or ask him to move his hand bc <33) ‘the thing is that i know that’ you start ‘ its just that i have a ridiculous crush on you and i cant see it going away’ and it was an act of your heart betraying your brain bc your brain tells you to just accept the care and comfort that logan has always shown you platonic or not but your heart is a stupid bitch and a stubborn bitch and struggles to move on and your words hang in the air for the worlds longest minute before logan speaks up again ‘can you try? i know it might be asking a lot but ive lost enough and i really need you in my life,, youre like my own personal anchor being’ you had to snort laugh when he said that and you looked down where his hand was on your knee and youre like ‘wow that was really corny’ and he laughed with you in agreement and says ‘yeah i knew you werent gonna let that slide’ and then you shifted so that you were curled up in his side and he could have his arm around your shoulder caressing your hair which was not new to either of you and eventually he can hear your heartbeat steadily go back to a normal rhythm and he goes ‘so the wade thing’ and youre like ‘yeah the wade thing…..’ and your heart rate is right back up and he asks ‘have you ever thought of him?? like that??’ and you honestly told him ‘i didnt know it was an option i guess? it never crossed my mind he could see me like that’ and ever the wingman logan goes ‘it might be worth a shot? i mean, you know if he ever does anything to you id do whatever i can to fuckin kill him so its not like theres much to lose’ and you scoff even though you know hes being absolutely truthful and you go ‘yeah…’ and for a second you think about how great it could be with your bestie who you admittedly think is hot and you obviously love spending time with , but then again in your head your like ‘except i could lose my best friend’
#i really need to go for a walk and like pet a dog or step on leaves or something#thoughts#logan howlett#wade wilson#wade wilson x reader#i almost tagged this crush to father figure but then i almost threw up#logan howlett angst#deadpool and wolverine
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posting things from the drafts <3
gojo x gn!culinary arts reader
cw- inaccurate depictions of culinary school, gojo being a fiend,
Gojo was ecstatic you wanted to go try going back to school, he preferred you wanting to go in a less dangerous field anyways (even though you’ve expressed multiple times you could hold your own) He was just nervous anytime you were sent on dangerous missions, blowing up your phone every five minutes.
You had sat down with him expressing every option and each field you could go into, bouncing from math to science you ultimately decided on Culinary Arts. Satoru decided selfishly that was the best thing he ever did in his life.
Each day when you came back from classes a new sweet treat appeared in your hands, your first week you bought home half a fruit tart. You were very self conscious since your instructor insulted your knife skills when it came to the fruits.
Satoru didn’t care though, the next morning you woke up to find only crumbs left in the container. The second week you had learned to make caramel and various candies, every time you left your precious sweets unattended your not so precious boyfriend mauled them down.
“Satoru! Did you seriously eat the rest of my caramel candies?” You asked obviously knowing the answer, “ermm.. no! What are these candies you speak of?” He yelled from the bedroom as you stared down at your empty container, “Gojo, be serious!” You heard the bed creak and all of a sudden your 6’3 boyfriend was standing in front of you with the expression of a kicked puppy.
“Hey! What’s with the “Gojo” treatment?” He whined leaning against the counter, his arms crossed across his chest, “You'll return to Satoru status once you admit your crimes.” You deadpanned crossing your arms, “okay so hypothetically- what if I HYPOTHETICALLY ate them.” “Then im-“ you were interrupted by his finger being placed on your lips, “WHAT if it was some sort of candy stealing curse? That’d be a shame!” He feigned raising his hand to his forehead.
“Yeah you’re not getting that status back.” You sighed walking away hearing him try to plead with you.
His sweet thief addiction only intensified when you had to practice at home, you were instructed to make a two tier marble cake with the design your instructor gave sounds easy? Not when Satoru’s off of work.
“Please baby! Pleaseeeee?” You glanced down annoyingly at the sight before you, on both knees- bright blue eyes peering up and you and snow white hair almost fell over them. You groaned looking away continuing your work to whisk the frosting, “you already licked the bowl AND spindles clean, how have you not crashed yet?” You grabbed the palette knife slabbing a glob of icing on the first layer.
“I’m just a boy and you’re breaking my dreams!” He whined, clasping his hand in a prayer stance, “you’re a twenty eight year old man, and one of the strongest people in the world.. sounds to me you’re alright,” you swear you could see hearts in his eyes, “So you do think I’m the strongest?~” he said in a songy tone.
“Everyone does!” You exclaimed, turning your head away from the icing to check your phone, when you swung your head back your boyfriend was missing and so was the spoon in the frosting bowl, peeping down you could see a large empty hole where the stolen frosting was.
“Toruuu come on!!!” You yelled running down the hall to find him and your stolen spoon.
(id love some more ideass, my ask box is open id greatly appreciate it <33
#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu x reader#x reader#jjk x reader#jjk imagines#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#gojo x reader#gojo saturo#gojo satoru#gojou satoru x reader#satorugojo#jjk fluff#jjk gojo#gojo fluff#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu gojo
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Tinder men can't do it like you do.
summary - Your friends' constant nagging gets to you, and you and Harry cross the friends and lovers line when you drunkenly confess your thoughts to him. This leads to the loss of your virginity.
wordcount - 5,5k
warnings - full-on smut, alcohol (no smut under the influence) nothing else
a/n - it is heree. THANK YOU for 1000 followers, thank you for supporting me on my journey here, it means the world to me. This is my thank you to you.
Like and reblog please, it helps the blog :)
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You never understood the pressure everyone was under when it came to losing your virginity. Ever since you were a teenager the people you were surrounded with put more worth on the thing than you thought it had.
Fast forward to your 20s, you became too busy with college and didn’t have time to think about relationships, or losing your virginity for that matter. Only when you settled into your life after college, you started to think you were maybe a bit too late.
You would listen to your friends talk about their sex lives with their partners while you quietly sat there and listened awkwardly. You never even had a proper boyfriend. Sure, there was Dean back in high school when you were 16, but that only lasted for 2 months before he dumped you for a more popular girl. You weren’t hurt or anything, you focused on your studies and didn’t mind being single.
But when you tell someone, at 24, that you’ve never had a proper boyfriend and never even properly kissed, it got you a few pitiful glances and sad smiles.
You’ve had enough of it if you were being honest with yourself. You just wanted to get it over with, and you did an unimaginable thing, something, you never thought about before. You downloaded Tinder.
You matched with about 20 men, each more sleazy than the one before him. After 2 months of trying a man who was at least a tiny bit respectful and not some weirdo, you gave up on this option.
When you complained to your friends, they all gave you the same answer.
���Just ask Harry,”
You always scowled at this reaction. Of course, they would say that. They were absolutely in love with Harry, and who could blame them, you were too after all.
You didn’t like hearing it, mainly because you fantasized about it quite a lot when you were alone. You couldn’t help it, you were quite smitten. You always thought about what it would be like to lose your virginity to Harry. Would he be gentle? Would he try to make you laugh? You often tortured yourself with these pictures, only to get your heart cracked when you realized it would never happen.
The rain pattered on your umbrella as you rushed through the street, trying to get to the club. Harry was finally back in London, and the two of you decided to get together for some drinks. You shook the umbrella a bit when you got under the patio of the club and showed the bouncer your id.
You walked in, looking around, searching for the booth Harry reserved. You were incredibly nervous, your stomach churning a bit. It was only you and Harry tonight, as he said he wanted to catch up with just you alone.
You looked around for a few moments before you spotted a mop of curly hair in the crowd, coming closer to you.
He looked amazing. His hair was a bit longer than the last time you saw him, making the curls more defined. He was wearing a pair of high-waisted trousers with a barely buttoned shirt.
“There you are,” he shouted over the music and pulled you into him. He wrapped his arms around your waist, burrowing his face into your shoulder, staying like this for a while.
“I missed you,” he mumbled into your ear, making sure you heard him. His hot breath on your ear made you shiver and goosebumps erupted all over your skin.
“I missed you too, let’s go sit down,” You pulled back and shouted at him. He nodded, signaling he heard you over the loud music and pulled you toward the booth he reserved for the two of you. You sat down on the cushioned sofa and Harry nearly jumped on top of you, immediately grabbing and trapping you in a tight hug.
“It was a terror without you,” he sighed dramatically and you giggled at his antics.
“For me too, I couldn’t properly sleep or eat or function without you,” you cried jokingly, making Harry chuckle.
“Let’s get drunk now, we’ll talk then,” Harry jumped up.
“So you just wanted to get drunk with me, and not ask me how I’ve been,” you glared at him.
“I like talking better when we are drunk, you are more fun that way,” he winked and pulled you from the couch towards the bar.
The whole world was spinning. You were sprawled out on the sofa with a fruity drink in your hand, trying to slow the room down.
“I don’t think I can do more, I’ll probably pass out if I do,” you complained loudly and Harry giggled. He had a better alcohol tolerance than you ever had.
“I can still do some more, give me the drink,” Harry reached over and took your drink from your hand. The limb fell to the velvet material of the couch and you stroked your fingers up and down the fabric.
“I haven’t gotten drunk in so long, I didn’t want to drink much during the tour,” Harry spoke up and you turned your head towards him.
“Me neither, it’s no fun being drunk when it’s not with you,” you closed your eyes in bliss after the room finally stopped spinning.
“Oh yeah, that’s why we are here, let’s catch up,” Harry laid down on the same couch as you, making your heads bump together.
“Any luck with the Tinder thing you told me about?” He asked and you vigorously shook your head.
“No, all of them were dicks, plus my friends were being stupid and I never really went through with it,” You confessed, playing with your fingers above your face.
“What did they tell you again?” He sighed disapprovingly. You knew how he felt about your friends. Most of them weren’t very supportive of anything you did in your life if it was even slightly different than what they would’ve done.
You were quiet for a while, wondering if you should tell him what they kept telling you in the past few months.
“They told me I should go to you,” you mumbled quietly, feeling your whole face heat up.
“What do you mean,” he mumbled.
“They told me I should ask you to take my virginity because I quote ‘you are hot’,” you dumped all of the information on him, slightly regretting it the moment it left your mouth.
Harry stayed quiet for a while, only letting out quiet puffs of breath. You went to sit up and look at him when he spoke up.
“Would you want to?” he asked quietly.
‘What?’ your eyes bulged and you sat up as quickly as you could without getting sick.
You looked at Harry, immediately noticing the bright blush coating his cheeks.
‘Was he serious?’
You stared at each other for a few long moments before Harry sat up as well and asked once again.
“Would you want to?”
This time, his words weren’t as slurred as they were before, indicating that this exchange sobered him up as much as it did you.
“I-I, what?” you stuttered, still not understanding what he wanted to hear from you.
“It’s just a question, you don’t have to answer, but just to let you know, if you would like to, I wouldn’t mind, not at all actually, but again only if you wanted to, I mean…” Harry stuttered and blushed even harder than before.
‘What the fuck was happening,’
You sat up straight and continued to stare at him, heart beating at a rapid pace. This can’t be happening. Did you drink something you weren’t supposed to? What the fuck.
“(y/n), look, I’m sorry I know it was a stupid thing to say, let’s just forget about it him?” He nervously asked.
“This isn’t really happening is it?” you spoke up quietly. Harry looked at you confused and scooched closer to you. He put an arm around you and pulled you closer to him.
“Tell me what’s going through your mind,” he pleaded.
“I’m fucking shocked, that’s what’s happening,” you laughed and dragged your hand lightly over your face, careful not to mess up your makeup.
“Whenever I heard that I should come to you, I always had to keep telling myself that I really shouldn’t, because you would never do that for me, and now, you suddenly say this,” you confessed.
You looked over to Harry, carefully studying his expression. He calmly looks over at you and asks again.
“Would you want to?”
You looked him in the eye and nodded your head.
“Yeah, I would,” he took your hand in his and rubbed a few soft circles into your wrist.
“Tomorrow?” He asked making you almost choke on your saliva.
“What?”
“Like, would you want to do it tomorrow?” He asked again.
You were pretty sure you were going to pass out.
“Sure,” you choked out, the spinning from before suddenly returning.
You sat side by side for a while, the silence eating both of you.
“Look, if you don’t want to, we can forget about this and never talk about this ever again, I promise it won’t be awkward,” Harry spoke out again.
“No, I want this, I’m just kind of in shock that it’s happening, and I’m slightly nervous” you laughed nervously.
“You don’t have to be, It’s just me,” Harry smiled and squeezed your hand gently.
“Let’s get you home and we’ll text in the morning to see if you are still sure about this,” Harry stood up and pulled you up with him, already ordering an uber to take the two of you home.
You woke up hungover the next morning. Wrapped up in your sheets, you squirmed as the sun coming through the windows burned your eyes. Sighing and annoyed, you roughly turned around, back facing the window as you shut your eyes until you saw galaxies.
The phone on your nightstand vibrated, making you curse whoever was texting you at this hour of the day. You groaned, roughly grabbing the phone and yanking the charger out of it.
Harry <3:
Hey, love, good morning :), are we still on today? Wanted to check in, in case you decided against it (that would be totally fine btw). So yeah, text me when you wake up.
You screwed your eyes shut. You’ve almost forgotten the conversation you had at the club yesterday. You thought about it for a bit. While he seemed very enthusiastic the night before, you weren’t sure he would be up to it when he woke up. Seemed you were wrong.
Me:
Hey, H, just woke up, if you are 100% sure, then we are still on. But can we meet at yours? My place is a mess. And when?
You sent the chaotic message, rubbing your eyes roughly.
The three dots appeared for a little while, indicating that he was typing his message.
Harry <3:
Of course, how about you come in the evening, we can have some light dinner and watch a movie so we won’t be as stressed, hm?
God, he was the sweetest, always thinking 3 steps ahead.
Me:
Okay, yeah, that sounds nice. I’ll be around 6 xx
With that, you threw your phone against the mattress, groaning. You shouldn’t have drunk so much.
You were so immersed in the movie you totally forgot why you came over to Harry’s in the first place. You lay in front of him, pushed up against his chest.
Harry was running his hands up and down your side through the whole movie, not making you think about what he was doing.
The less intense part of the movie started when you felt Harry softly pepper kisses around your neck. You shuddered from the feeling, grabbing Harry’s hand on your hip tightly.
“You okay?” He huskily whispered into your ear and you nodded quickly.
“I want to get you a little bit more relaxed, this is supposed to feel nice, not nerve-wracking or as something you need to be scared of,” Harry explained and continued to kiss down your neck. You nodded once more and melted into the nice feeling of Harry’s lips on your skin.
He continued to pepper little kisses around the sensitive skin of your neck, easing you into the feeling more and more.
“We should go to the bedroom, it’s going to be a bit better than on the couch,” Harry interrupted his kisses. You nodded absentmindedly and raised your weight off of him to let him stand up. As he straightened his back he groaned a little bit, making you giggle.
“Don’t laugh at me, ‘m almost 30,” he pouted and quickly slipped his hands under your body, raising you into the air and moving in the direction of the bedroom.
You wrapped your arms around his neck, and hooked your chin on his shoulder, listening to his calm breathing. You were calm, not nervous like you thought you would be, but everything was simple with him.
He opened the door to his bedroom with his free fingers and walked in, shutting the door behind him with his bum. He walked forward until his knees hit the bed and slowly laid you down on his bed. You stared at each other for a few moments before you burst out laughing. You giggled together for some time before you calmed down.
“See? Not so bad, not serious as well,” Harry pointed out and you grinned widely. He gently brushed his fingertips down your cheek.
“Y’ so pretty, never tell you as much as I should,” he whispered.
“Stop,” you looked away, insides turning into one mush.
“’S true though,” he whined jokingly and kissed your cheek lightly.
“Can we continue now?” You asked shyly.
“Eager now, are we?” He teased and wiggled his eyebrows.
You slapped his shoulder lightly and rolled your eyes.
“Don’t get cocky now, or I’ll get up and leave,” you threatened jokingly.
“Sorry, sorry, did not mean to do that, forgive me?” He asked, giving you his best puppy dog eyes.
“Just because it’s you, I guess we can do that,” you smiled and looked up at him and into his eyes.
“Let me kiss you,” he whispered and you nodded, without even having to think about it.
He moved closer. You could feel his breath on your lips and he stopped moving for a few moments, just to give you time to back off, if you needed it. But you knew, you were ready and wanted to do this. With him.
When your lips pressed together, it was like a breath of fresh air filling your lungs. You moved your lips together slowly, the intimacy of the moment making your head spin. Subconsciously, you opened your mouth just a tiny bit, which gave Harry the chance to slip his tongue into your mouth. You whined into his mouth, enjoying the almost new feeling.
You separated after a few minutes, both of you needing air.
“You doing okay?” Harry asked as he watched your dazed expression.
“Yeah, it’s just, nice,” you mumbled and turned your head away from him, still feeling shy.
“Don’t turn away from me, how am I supposed to kiss you hmm?” He teased. You rolled your eyes at his cliche words.
You turned to look at him with a smirk.
“Where did you get that from huh?”
“Don’t laugh at me or I’ll cancel my offer,” He warned.
“Sure, and miss the chance to get your dick wet? I don’t think so,” You pointed out.
“How dare you? Paint me out as some sort of a man whore, I am truly wounded,” He gasped and clutched his chest, faking hurt.
“Instead of complaining, you should kiss me,” you giggled at him.
“Yeah, what a great suggestion,” he murmured before he connected your lips in a sweet kiss. This kiss stayed sweet and didn’t turn into a heated make-out session like the last one.
“Can we go further now?” you murmured against his lips.
He nodded wordlessly and raised his weight off of you.
“Let’s take your clothes off hmm? I think that is a good start,” he smiled.
“Sit up for me,” he ordered gently and you complied, quickly sitting up.
You raised your arms and he swiftly took off your shirt, leaving you in a cute lacy bra you picked out specifically that morning.
“God, you look so beautiful,” Harry groaned at the sight of you and didn’t waste any time pushing you back and latching his mouth on your newly exposed skin. He sucked a hickey above the top of your bra while his fingers explored the rest of your naked torso, from the bottom of your bra over your stomach, and up to the waistline of your sweatpants.
He pulled off with a wet pop sounding through the bedroom as he eyed the angry red patch appearing on your skin.
“So pretty,” he whispered. He kissed around your skin for a few more moments, enjoying the little whines that he pulled from you. His fingers crept up from the front to your back, toying with the clasp of your bra. He tugged on it for a bit before the clasp had come off. He pulled the bra straps off your shoulders and tossed it somewhere in the room.
The temperature in the room made goosebumps erupt all over your skin and you wrapped your arms around yourself, in order to hide from the cold, but also Harry’s stare.
“Don’t hide from me, I want to see you,” He kissed the skin above your breasts as if to coax you to remove your hands. You took a deep breath and slowly let go of your flesh, exposing yourself to him. You lay under him, bare and vulnerable, waiting for him to do something.
“So, so, beautiful, baby,” he praised as he took one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking lightly, while he rolled the other one between his finger. Overwhelmed with the new feeling, you threw your head back against the soft sheets below you, moaning softly and gripping the fabric underneath your body, as you arched your back, pushing your skin even closer to his mouth.
“So good, H,” you mumbled and brought your hand up to tangle in his curls, tugging at the roots when his teeth grazed your nipple in a particular way.
“Gonna make you feel so good,” he murmured against your skin before he peppered soft kisses anywhere he could reach.
His hand started to explore.
Down.
Down.
Caressing your skin with feather-light touches until he got to the upper part of your thigh, gently kneading your skin, making you shiver with anticipation and jittery with nerves.
“Gonna have to prepare you for me, love, so I won’t hurt you,” he explained, gently kissing your cheek. You nodded, even though your racing mind barely understood his words.
He moved away from the skin of your chest, admiring the red patches he left on your skin with a grin playing on his lips.
“Oh, don’t look so smug,” you laughed breathlessly.
“Have to take my time to admire,” he joked and moved up your body so you were face to face again. You decided you could stay like this forever, with his weight laid on top of your body, feeling his warmth. He didn’t waste any time and pressed his lips to yours once again, the kiss feeling more urgent than before.
He did this while the hand on your thigh continued to caress the soft skin. As your lips continued to kiss, his hand slipped into your underwear, immediately sliding his fingers through your slit.
“God, so wet for me already,” he groaned against your lips, breaking your kiss for a little while.
He gathered your wetness, moving it up to your clit, starting to draw small circles with the tip of his finger around the nub.
You shuddered out a shaky breath, your head falling against Harry’s shoulder closest to your head.
“H,” you whimpered, your hands shooting up, wrapping around his torso and gripping the material of his shirt tightly.
“M’ here lovie, hold on to me,” he whispered to you, kissing your temple, the only part of your face which was not completely burrowed in his neck due to the pleasure you found yourself in.
You let out a quiet moan as he dipped the tip of his middle finger in you.
“Tell me if it becomes too much, I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered against your lips, pressing his forehead against yours.
“I trust you, Harry,” you murmured, looking into his eyes intently.
He kissed your lips quickly, and sweetly, nodding his head.
With one hand, he spread your legs as much as he could, whispering that he needed as much space as he could have.
Kissing your lips one more time, he moved down your body, placing kisses here and there. Hooking his fingers in your underwear, he gently tugged them down.
“Hips up, please,” he kissed your thigh as he ordered.
You raised your hips up and felt the soft fabric slide down your legs, leaving you completely bare in front of him. Your first instinct was to close your legs, but Harry was quicker and grabbed you by your knees before they could touch.
“Nu-uh, darling, legs opened for me,” he nipped the soft skin of your thigh in a warning.
You went to say something in response, but your breath got caught in your throat when Harry put his mouth on you. Licking into you, he made you see stars just with his tongue. You’ve never felt this kind of pleasure, never before have you thought that someone other than you could bring you so much pleasure.
“Taste so good baby,” he groaned against you.
You mewled out his name, bucking your hips into his face, trying to get even closer. Harry pined your hips down to the bed with his hand, making you whine in disappointment.
“Hold still for me, and let me do my job,” he murmured against you, making a bolt of pleasure run up your spine.
Blinded by pleasure, your hands sneaked into Harry’s curls, tugging him closer to you.
You fought the invisible force that tried to close your eyes, you looked at Harry, and the sight alone made you almost come right there and then.
With his eyes shut tightly, Harry ate you out vigorously, hips softly bucking against the soft of the mattress, trying to relieve the hardness in his sweatpants.
A knot formed in your stomach the more Harry licked into you, making you chase your quickly approaching orgasm by squeezing your thighs around his head, afraid he was going to move away. You thought you would last a little bit longer, but as soon as he moved his mouth to wrap around your clit, you were gone. As he first suckled on your clit, an orgasm came rippling through you, spasms making you twitch.
“Oh God, oh God,” you panted as you cradled your fingers through Harry’s hair. He laid his head against your thigh catching his breath as well.
“Are you alright?” He asked softly, grabbing your hand and holding it tightly.
“Yeah, just… wow,” you laughed.
“Good?” Harry asked teasingly as he raised himself from his position and lay beside you.
“Yeah, good,” you grinned up at him.
“Let’s do a pause for water yeah? Need to keep you hydrated,” he kissed your forehead and stretched to get a water bottle from his nightstand.
He let you drink from it, fussing over you so you wouldn’t accidentally choke on the water.
When you were done drinking, Harry took a few small gulps, before he tossed it to the carpeted floor.
He turned back to you.
You opened your arms smiling. Harry didn’t waste any time and cuddled you.
“Do you want to continue? Or are we done?” He asked kindly, kissing your jawline.
“I want to continue, I’m just a little… scared,” you admitted. He shook his head.
“No need to be, I’m here, I’ll take care of you,” he whispered against your lips.
You nodded, kissing him passionately.
Harry shifted to rest his weight on top of you, grabbing you by the waist.
Sneaking your hands underneath his shirt, you raked your nails against the skin of his chest, making him whimper under his breath.
“Want me to get that off?” He asked breathlessly, making you nod eagerly.
He raised to his knees, quickly ridding himself of the shirt before he dropped back on top of you, making you jump on the mattress a little bit.
“I should make you come again, with just my fingers hm? Would you like that?” He mused as he traced your collarbone with his pointer finger, making goosebumps erupt all over your skin. You shook your head, desperately straining your neck to get a chance to connect your lips to his once again.
“No? What would you like if not my fingers?” Harry teased, looking all innocent.
You desperately whined, clumsily grinding against his clothed groin.
“Words, love,” he grinned evilly, making you whine once more.
“I want you inside me, I want your cock,” you choked out, making him chuckle.
“Alright, love, let me get my clothes off, I’m done teasing,” he smiled, lightly kissing your forehead, making you breathe out a sigh of relief.
Harry stood up. He undid the knot on his sweatpants and let them pool around his ankles, standing in front of you only in his underwear.
He slid the fabric down his legs quickly, finally letting you see him naked.
Your jaw dropped slightly in surprise and astonishment, letting out a quiet breath. You felt arousal pool in your stomach, feeling a twisting motion inside you.
“You okay?” He smirked, clearly knowing what he was doing to you. You found it in you to nod slightly, eyes never leaving Harry’s figure.
He reached over to the nightstand, fishing around for a while before he pulled out a foiled packet. He moved back onto the bed, sitting on his knees as he opened the condom package carefully.
As he went to put the condom on, you reached out in a moment of bravery.
“Can I try?” You asked, eyes wide, making Harry groan quietly. He only nodded, carefully passing you the condom.
“God,” he choked out as you slowly pumped him in your hand.
You raised to your knees, mimicking Harry’s position. You grabbed the condom properly before you started to carefully roll it down his length.
“That’s good baby, that’s so good,” he whispered, panting, once the condom was on. He grabbed you by the waist, pulling you in, closer to his body.
He grabbed all over your body, every curve, anywhere he could reach. After a few moments, he gently laid you down, staying on top of you, with his weight resting solely on his arms. Oh god, what you wanted for those arms to do to you.
Harry placed his forehead against yours, breathing you in.
“Alright yeah?” He confirmed once more. You nodded breathlessly.
“This might hurt you for a little while, tell me if you want to stop, I don’t want to hurt you, love, wouldn’t forgive myself,” he whispered, tenderly thumbing at the skin of your waist.
You wrapped all of your limbs around him, arms around his torso, and your legs around his hips, your heels digging into his back.
You took a few deep breaths, softly nodding at him to go on.
He ran his cock through your folds, gathering your wetness as lubrication. He pumped his cock a few times, ragged breaths escaping his pretty lips before he pushed his tip inside you.
He continued to push himself inside of you inch by inch, kissing your lips, trying to distract you from the pain you were feeling.
“Doing so good for me, so proud of you,” he whispered and kissed away the stray tears that escaped your eyes.
“It hurts,” you mumbled as you shifted to open your legs a bit more.
You whimpered in pain, as he settled against you, placing your forehead against yours.
He continued to fill you up, pushing himself into you more and more.
Once completely inside you, he strangled out a soft moan, brushing his lips against the delicate skin of your neck. You scratched down his back as you continued to adjust to his size, making him groan in pleasure.
“You feel so good,” he murmured.
You were in heaven. With Harry buried inside of you, feeling him everywhere, you never truly understood just how touch-starved you were until now. You never wanted this to end, wanting to stay here forever. Wrapped in his fancy sheets with no clothes, feeling him all around, your senses filled with him.
“H, move, please,” you pleaded as you bucked your hips against his, trying to get him to move. He nodded mindlessly, clearly drunk on the pleasure you were providing.
Lazily, he rocked his hips into you, testing the waters.
You let out a gasp of his name, as you dug your fingers into the skin of his back.
“Fuck, feeling better than I had ever imagined,” he grunted into your skin, his hips thrusting against you more roughly.
His hand glided down your body, teasing touches only adding to your pleasure. A jolt of electricity ran through you as he touched your clit, rubbing soft circles into it.
You threw your head back, cursing under your breath.
“Good, yeah?” Harry asked breathlessly, the rhythm of his hips stuttering slightly.
“Mhm,” you nodded, eyes closed in bliss.
Drunk on the pleasure, you captured Harry’s lips in a rough kiss, breathing heavily against him.
“Feel so good, H, you make me feel so good,” you sighed dazed.
Harry’s rhythm quickened. His thrusts got rougher, your moans syncing with the rhythm of his hips as he stroked and brushed the spongy wall of your g-spot.
Your walls fluttered against his cock in response, as you cried out into the stillness of his bedroom.
With his hips snapping against yours roughly, the only thing you could do was hold onto him, and take all of the pleasure he was giving you. His thrusts were more precise and more confident, his hips drawing out every single stroke, only prolonging your pleasure.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come quicker than I would like to if you keep squeezing me like that,” he moaned into your neck.
His whimpers made your stomach clench. Something about having a man whine out of pleasure because of you made you slightly dizzy.
“H,” you called out. “M’close,” you slurred, lightheaded from the pressure of your impending orgasm.
Harry’s fingers on your clit faltered before he nodded and rubbed you a little bit faster, wanting to get you to your orgasm quickly, because he wasn’t sure he could last any longer.
Everything went white.
You were almost certain you died for a while as your orgasm raged through you. You heard Harry come a few seconds after you did, slumping against you, whispering soft praises into your ears.
You closed your eyes for what felt like a few seconds before you felt the mattress dip beside you. This made you open your eyes, meeting Harry’s slightly concerned gaze.
“Are you okay?” he questioned while opening up a new pack of wet wipes.
You only nodded, not trusting your voice just yet.
“My sweet girl, you did so good,” he cooed as he kissed your forehead. You shivered, suddenly aware of the cold air in the room.
“Let me quickly wipe you down, and we can get under the covers,” he asked and you nodded absent-mindedly, opening your legs to let him slip in between.
You hissed as the cold of the wipe made contact with your skin, jerking away from his hand.
“Sorry, sorry, almost done, just a little bit, we can rest for a while after that,” Harry reassured.
He quickly threw away the wet wipe and rushed to his bed, to you. He bundled you up in a soft blanket before he laid down, taking you into his arms. Gently kissing your forehead, he placed your head against his shoulder.
“Did I do good?” you asked meekly, eyes swimming with sleep.
“Of course, my best girl,” he smiled.
“You did well too, I really enjoyed it, it was everything I ever thought it would be,” you beamed, cuddling closer to him.
“Me too,” he sighed.
“You said that it felt better than you had imagined, did you mean it?”
“Every word, we can talk later but now, close your eyes for a few minutes, we have all the time in the world after you wake up, I’ll be here,” he smoothed his hand down your hair.
“You have a point,” you agreed, yawning, as you fell into a well-deserved slumber.
----
My first proper smut is here, it is a bit wobbly and weird in my opinion, but I hope you still like it. Feedback is very appreciated.
Take care <3
#fanfiction#harry styles#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fluff#harry styles one shot#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x you#my writing
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#32 w/ jason pleasee
Thank you for the request!
#32 was "You really think that's gonna stop me?"
You are Jason's nemesis by night and his romantic partner by day. Neither of you knows who the other really is. In 949 words, things get messy.
Pt. 2
Pt. 3
Pt. 4
You stood at the edge of a building. Between you and a safe exit was the Red Hood. He was always up your ass, always trying to be good by being evil. You’ve heard tales of how ruthless he could be with his killings and you were far from interested in being his next victim.
“Don’t.” You pleaded, backing up until you could feel your heels slipping off the edge of the roof. You weighed your options.
Your name was Havoc and you lived up to your name. You loved the rush of adrenaline you got from committing crimes. Something about the chase, the hunt, being feared- it all just did it for you. The feeling was unmatched to anything else in life. You’d tried running, you’d tried axe throwing, you’d tried all sorts of normal things and you just couldn’t live up to the thrill of being a villain.
The Red Hood was the only one you were really afraid of. You’d been to prison before, you’d done your time and it was not nearly enough to keep you from doing what you were doing. Death, though. That would really put a damper on your hobby.
“You think that’s gonna stop me?” He laughed, the barrel of his gun trained on you.
You took a deep breath and shrugged. “Not really.” You replied. “But this might.”
Taking another breath, you made the decision to leap off of the building. You fell for about 15 feet before you shot your grappling hook into the air. By some miracle it clung to the lip of the building behind you and you were able to swing to safety. You hated using your hook because your aim was so poor at night, yet here you were, scaling a building and making your way to the top.
After you hit the roof, you made quick work of getting the hell away from Red Hood. After some light misguiding, you headed to your safehouse and slipped out of your costume for the night. You needed a shower something awful and more than that you needed to sleep.
-------
You awoke to your phone ringing. You weren’t sure what time it was but judging by last night’s events you wouldn’t be surprised if you’d slept until 4pm. Red Hood run-ins always took everything out of you. The caller ID read ���Jason Todd” and so you immediately picked up. Jason was your gruff, sweet, crazy boyfriend and you loved him more than you loved the look people gave you when you threatened to cut off their fingers one by one- which was a lot.
“Hello?” You asked, putting the phone on speaker and standing to collect yourself.
“Did you just wake up?” The crackling voice spoke through the receiver.
“Maybe.” You replied slyly. You folded your suit and tucked it into your duffel bag, stashing it in the closet. You picked up the phone, turned off speaker, placed it to your ear, and walked to the bathroom.
You could basically hear Jason roll his eyes as he spoke. “Be ready in 5. I’m picking you up.”
Your heart began to race. You weren’t home.
“Make it 15.” You said.
He began to contest but you hung up before he could get another word in. You needed to leave now if you were gonna make it home and get ready before he came to get you. You quickly gathered the few things you needed to bring with you and started the short walk to your real home.
------
By yet another miracle, you made it home in time for Jason to be unsuspecting. You were brushing your teeth when he walked in, making his presence known with a, “Babe?”
“In here!” You called, your mouth full of foamy toothpaste. He entered and leaned against the doorframe, smiling a dopey grin.
That damn smile. It made it so hard for you to lie to him when he smiled like that. You could never tell Jason your secret, about who you were when the sun set. He would never understand, as much as you wished he would. The truth was that you didn’t really understand either. If you didn’t even understand, how could he?
“What’s this?” He asked, walking toward you and grabbing your arm to expose a nasty bruise.
Shit.
You must have hit your arm last night and not noticed when you woke up or else it would’ve been covered like the rest of them. You had to think fast.
“Ugh. I was moving furniture.” You replied, offering no further explanation. Your heart was racing and you feared this was the final lie you wouldn’t be able to cover. You tried to calm yourself, remembering you freak out every time and it always ends up okay.
He seemed to accept it, nodding. “You could’ve called me, I would’ve helped.”
You spit and rinsed and smiled at him, relief flooding your body. Trust your gut, you thought. He doesn’t know anything. You walked out of the bathroom, brushing past him. “My hero.” You commented.
He gave his signature eye roll, (you were great at getting him to produce those) and followed you out into the kitchen.
“What’s on the agenda?” You asked, rummaging through your cabinets and throwing a cracker into your mouth.
“I thought we could talk.” He said, sitting down at the countertop and folding his hands together.
You frowned. That was not good. “‘Bout what?” You asked. Your hunger had fled and you shut the cabinet. Anxiety once again wracked your body. Did he want to break up? This would be horrible, not only for you but for the city.
“Who you are. I know everything, Havoc.”
((Let me know if you all want a part two!
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RAAAAHHH HELLO ITS BEEN A MINUTE!!! \OUO/
YOUR FAVORITE CLOWN IS BACK IN BUSINESS ive been quiet a while, a LOTS been going on in my personal life that brought my social medias to a complete (and unfortunate ToT) standstill til now!
i rlly wanna talk about it, its been honestly life changing and for safety i need to add some warnings:
cw for abuse both physical and emotional, and suicidal thoughts/ideation (dw im ok and not suicidal! i used to be and i finally have real context as to why)
ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT IT
i got the opportunity to see a therapist for free for the first time since i was a kid and it was IMMENSELY eye opening.
SOME CONTEXT: ive lived with just my mother since i was a teenager as i tried to "make it" as an artist. ive had my ups and downs w this career goal and have been heavy in the midst of a very big Down period. entirely brought on by how sick i was at the start of the year to june (infected lymph nodes, pneumonia, 2 pounds of tumors in my uterus that required the removal of the organ entirely etc, i may have a weak immune system im realizing sdlkjd) which resulted in me having very little energy to create and/or post content. by july i needed to basically start over. which i was excited to do! i WANTED to get back to work and i was even excited for art fight! ;u;
aaaand in july is when my mom thought would be a good time to threaten to kick me out unless i found money to give her or got a "real" job. this came as an extreme and horrifying shock as i had just asked her the month before to "believe in me just a little longer" as i finally felt i realized what id been doing wrong all these years before and felt strongly i could succeed before the end of the year, she not only emphatically agreed but even said i didnt need such a time limit and she definitely didnt mind supporting me til i reached my dream lol i couldnt even do anything until july bc i was busy recovering from major surgery, coming home with tape on my stomach to heal the incision that hadnt fully closed yet
ive wanted to see a therapist for ages bc im Full O' Trauma and i knew it would help. The way this worked was basically like getting a free trial, i got six days of therapy (to be spread out as far as i liked) thru zoom.
i used the visits more for getting advice on how to reach my goals thru mental blocks and exhaustion bc ultimately i felt like 6 days wasnt enough time to get into trauma stuff and i really just wanted to get my career off the ground again, hopefully permanently.
i had vented a tiny bit about my mom and by the final visit w my therapist i decided to forgo the "how to better reach my goals" questions and ask if she had advice on how to handle someone like my mother, who i had to live with and rely on and who would often say something cruel whenever the mood struck. as i told her about my situation she stops me and asks
"do you hear yourself? bc i hear you"
and im suddenly so scared shes going to tell me the same, "get a real job" "stop acting so selfish" etc
instead she says, "this is abuse, youre literally describing an abusive relationship"
i was in complete shock
i even asked her how could i be the one being abused when i was the one using the resources and she compared it to a person getting married to someone rich and that rich person treating them like theyre worthless for not also making money.
it shook me to my core especially bc my mom loved calling me an abuser and comparing me to her abusive ex husbands (one of which used to abuse her physically, punch her/beat her etc) and saying im just like them
for the record ive never laid a hand on her, she would say these things whenever the mood struck, often out of nowhere
once bc i told her i couldnt read her mind and didnt know what she wanted lol wild
ANYWAY after this conversation i started looking back on my life and realizing why ive always felt so worthless, why i thought until my early 20's that suicide would be the best option for everyone. i was so exhausted from chasing this dream and feeling like such a worthless burden, my mother would get so angry with me for just existing and i felt like she would be so much happier if i were out of the picture, my sisters (both a decade older and living w their own families) calling me a leech and selfish for "using" our mother etc
any time i would stand up for myself, kindly and meekly as i could my mother would tell me how she wanted to punch my mouth, slap my face etc for years i thought she'd eventually fly into such a rage one day that she'd kill me and... i honestly didnt really mind the thought once while in high school my mom picked me up for lunch and offered to pay for a prom dress. i told her that it was ok, i knew she was struggling w money rn and i didnt really wanna go to prom anyway she flew into such a rage she pulled over on the highway just to pull my hair and beat me, and then dropped me back at school to finish my day lol
realizing that all of that IS NOT OK OR A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL OR BE TREATED AND I DEFINITELY DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT was extremely eye opening
i told my best friends what my therapist had said and they were both like YEAH... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAD AN ABUSIVE MOTHER??
apparently it was very obvious ^^; my friends were shocked to find that i thought everything was my fault, my therapist even used the term "gaslighting narcissist" to describe her which was WILDLY VALIDATING for me lmao
sitting w all these thoughts whirling around my head my mom texts me suddenly and tells me to ask my sisters for money (13 hundred dollars lol) bc she needs it for "bills"
i didnt want to do that at all she told me to "use my big words" to convince them and not to say it was her idea, but instead to act like i was asking bc i wanted to
it felt gross and made my skin crawl and honestly didnt even make sense bc WHY would i need that money so i asked but let my sisters know it was my mom asking and said she prob felt embarrassed to ask, while telling my mom that i asked in the way she wanted
my oldest sister makes good money and has helped our mom w money in the past. she texted me back asking why our mom needed money and why 1300 and i told her honestly i didnt know, i asked my mom what to say and she said to tell her she had an itemized list but she left it at work and couldnt remember what was on it lol
my sister told me to tell our mom that she couldnt help rn, so i did and my mom encouraged me to push harder to my other sister
suddenly the sister i had been talking to texts me and says that our mom left her a voicemail saying she doesnt know WHY i would ask for money, must be bc she threatened to kick me out bc i never help her with money :,( which was WILD bc any time i had money my mom would get most if not all of it, i havent been able to save money since ... ever tbqh, even when i tried my mom would successfully guilt every dollar from me letting me know i didnt deserve to save a penny after all shes done for me aaAA
ANYWAY i was so angry and hurt that my mom would just throw me under the bus i told my sister i had proof i wasnt lying (bc she was already inclined to believe our mother since they both considered me a leech to start with) and sent her screenshots of my texts
she was shocked and hurt too i decided to tell her about my therapy and how my therapist had called our mom an abuser and she answered that she understands more than ill ever know... which is very sad hjghfgf
we havent really talked more since and i deleted my texts to the other sister, more likely than not my mom sent her a similar voicemail
im very tired
i want to get out of here, im finally seeing this relationship for what its been for years and years, even back to when i was a little kid! i didnt know about suicide but id dream of being an animal in the wild bc i felt like if i were just out of the picture everyone at home would be less angry
its something that enrages me now tbqh ive tried all my life to be as little of a burden as possible and now im ready to be a problem LMAO :o)
the long and short of it is that i will be posting art sales and opening my patreon FINALLY to try and save up funds to get out of here ive also gotten a part time job on weekends for a little cushion tho some of that money will inevitably go to my mother, unfortunately
she doesnt know about the money i make online :o)
my family has constantly called me selfish, entitled and spoiled for just asking for common decency and to be treated like a person, theyve dehumanized me to the point that my greatest coping mechanism was creating a creature sona that isnt human but a monstrous equivalent lol AND I LOVE THEM IM EMBRACING CREATURE LETS FUCKIN GO
i know this has been long and if youve made it to the end i love u and im so thankful for your support!! ;u;
FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!! i want to come back full force, i havent stopped drawing at all, just havent had the energy to do much til now
my therapist even pointed out that i probably WOULDVE had at least moderate steady success by now if it werent for my mom's constant abuse
OH ALSO I NOW HAVE FOUR CATS LMAO a stray i had been giving water to and keeping safe from weather things (extreme heat, extreme cold etc) had her kittens here! and my mom gave me the ok to keep them all ;u; (and then ofc rescinded that but thats hardly a surprise now lol) and man, having kids cats sure changes your perspective on what u want and feel like you deserve! I NEED TO DO WELL BC THESE KITTIES DEPEND ON ME AND I LOVE THEM QVQ <3<3
SO YEAH IM BACK BABY IM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE ASAP AND CONCENTRATING ON MY WELL BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH!! 😤🔥
#clown honks#MY SELFISH ERA BEGINS NOW BABIIIEEE <3<3#literally as i posted this my mom texted me asking for money looool i cant
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what do u think of the new dragon age game? i’ve been hearing so many mixed reviews over it. does it still feel like dragon age? is bioware back?
Okay so there are a few things I want to say about Dragon Age but it’s important to share that these are MY feelings. The long and short of it is yes I think BioWare is back, there are things I wish were fixed (the lack of DLC is annoying to me) but god damn this is what I’ve been missing. I think this is as good as we could have hoped to get considering everything.
1) holy hell this is the trans rep I’ve wanted. I made my character a man with top surgery scars and selected the options to say I’m trans and his story? Where he shared how he discovered he was trans? It was so close to my own and I just cried. Plus you get to bring it up! Repeatedly! The use of the terms trans and non-binary were a little shocking at first but… I like it? It’s like my term isn’t a ‘bad word’ it fits fine. (Side note, I was almost done making my character when I noticed I had made the male version of my very first character on accident. Being able to have him be trans like me just felt… right.)
2) Speaking of bringing it up, I made a Mourn Watcher and it comes up all the time! Now sure you’re not getting a radically different narrative depending on the origin, but that’s not a realistic expectation. It’s flavor! And it’s damn tasty.
3) For the story, I’ve really liked it. There are lots of spoilers id love to talk about but as a day 1 (I got DA Origins like two days after it released) elf lore enjoyer I am very happy. I don’t know where exactly we’re going from here but I can’t wait.
4) this feels… like a love letter to dragon age. I know that’s been said but it really does. Sure the world state stuff sucks but fuck I’m not ready to leave this world behind. They’ve said there will be more games and I really think based on the reception of Veilguard there will be.
I think… if I had to sum this game up, it’s mostly like reuniting with an old friend. We’ve both changed, grown wiser, experienced things separately but we just fit together. I can’t say your experience will be like that, my love and enjoyment of this series will be different from your own, but for me this is it. This is why I make stories, why I love creating. This is where I discovered parts of my identity, and they were welcomed, not shunned. I can’t say any game has ever captured that, even BG3. I’m still not sure who to romance haha but I’m glad that no matter what happens we got this game.
My advice is to take it slow, sink into the story and world. Let go of what might have been and look at it for what it is. I hope you enjoy it and if you don’t that’s okay.
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I saw you say sorry for sadness but honestly Sarah just hit me with it plz
Hiii lovey!! I am in my sad girl era right now 🥺 I see you’re also in your sad human era? 🙈
TW: mentions of death
But really the main idea that’s been swirling around in my brain is just Eddie going about his day too day life like going to work, hanging with his Hellfire crew and coming home to his apartment and making it seem like everything is fine but in reality he still hears you talking to him in his mind and sometimes even sees you as if you’re still alive. Anyone who looked at him wouldn’t know that as he’s staring at the frozen pizza options at the mini mart he is actually having an internal argument with you about which one to buy.
“I’m telling you that you’ll like the five cheese because it’s simple and you like simple when it comes to pizza.” Your voice is teasing in his mind as he looks at the cheese pizza you suggest he gets.
“Yeah but I’m trying to be more adventurous.” He thinks to himself and to you making him smirk as he reaches for a supreme pizza. “If I don’t like it then I’ll let you tell me I told you so how about that?” He hears the sound of your laugh in his head and it makes his chest tighten because he’s always loved how cute you looked when you laughed and it’s one of the things he misses most is being able to hear and watch your face as you laugh especially when it’s at him.
“Deal but maybe grab the cheese one as a backup just in case.” Eddie just does what you say and grabs the cheese one as well before heading to the front of the store. He smiles at the girl checking him out as she scans the two frozen pizzas and the six pack of beer. “She’s cute.” Eddie ignores your voice as he hands her his ID. “You know you need to move on Eddie.” Your voice is soft and it’s almost like Eddie can feel your breath on his neck like you’re practically whispering it into his ear.
“Then stop popping up unannounced and talking to me so much.” Eddie argues as he slides his card so he can pay for his items.
“Eddie…” He hates how he knows exactly what your face would look like if you said that while standing in front of him, your eyes would be soft as you look up at him with concern written all over your features. “I’m not real.” He just grabs his bags after telling the girl thank you and heads to his van.
“I know.” He doesn’t mean to say it out loud as he sits in his van, he knows your voice and even the moments he sees you are all just ways his mind has chosen to cope with your death. “I’m not ready.” And with that he puts his keys in the ignition and heads home to his tiny one bedroom apartment for a pizza and beer night where you’ll argue with him some more over what movie to watch.
#eddie munson angst#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson au#eddie munson scenario#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson blurb#eddie munson concept#Eddie Munson#stranger things au#stranger things angst#stranger things fanfiction#tw death
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how do u think gwen and duncan wouldd meet for the first time if td didnt exist
If they never went to Total Drama. It has to be before he went to juvie, because when he came to the island, he said that he preferred that over being in correctional.
I always thought that they would live in a close distance from each other, giving the fact that they go to the same hair salon (I’m guessing that it is for alternative people only), Gwen would already have heard things about Duncan and his non legal antics, like one incident in his school that made him get expelled or when he was playing in his band and that show became a riot. He would also be famously known for being in an all cops’ family. That would make it to the local newspapers, for sure. Popular but infamous, like you love to hear about him but you don’t want to be involve with him at all.
So Gwen would already have an opinion on him, she would probably think that he is unstable and impulsive, unless he does something artistic like graffiti in a prohibited place or boycotting a rich guy just for fun. That would make her root for him.
They would’ve crossed each other multiple times in concerts or clubs (fake IDs ftw), they would cross a couple looks but never connected, until an after party in some random house with their own group of friends after an underground band concert.
-
After looking around the room, he would check out the room with a beer in his hand. He recognized her from afar, now or never.
"Hey, you blue stripes. I’ve definitely seen you before, and you definitely have seen me plenty of times. Why don’t you come talk to me already?"
"Yeah, It hard to miss you out. You are quite the show with that mohawk. Put yourself some lights and you will look like a Christmas tree."
"Hah, alright. I wouldn’t have thought you were such a jokester. I tell you what, why don’t you bring your friends over to the meet-up on Thursday?"
"Should I bring a gun?"
"That’s always an option. See you there"
-
And from there, their relationship would grow. From acquaintances to friends, from friends to lovers. It would absolutely be a bumpy road, lows and highs. But they would meet each other in such a personal level, a side they never shown anyone.
#thank you the ask!#anon answered#gwuncan#td gwuncan#gwuncan week#dungwen#td dungwen#td gwen#td duncan#gwen#duncan#total drama gwen#gwen total drama#total drama duncan#duncan total drama#total drama#total drama island#total drama headcanons#mine:misc#I have a couple more asks I'll be answering them all i swear!!
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HELLOOOO PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR SCP/AVA CROSSOVER AU THOSE ARE LITERALLY THE TWO THINGS IM MOST HYPERFIXATED ON RIGHT NOW ID LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT JT
YIPEEE, I'LL BE HAPPY TO TELL YOU!!
for the role of the cursor ( Alan ) I haven't known who to take for a long time. My idea is to make the scarlet king as cursor and Alan himself as Dr. Wondertainment, since in one of the versions of Dr. W. It was said that the scarlet king himself was under his control. Lets imagine Alan's computer to be something like alagadda. I take the version that the scarlet king is from Alagadda (this has an important role in who I chose tdl). Alan himself is a Dr. W. Because whatever he draws, he comes to life, and somehow gets into the foundation (the rocket organization).
There are also three options for the role of the chosen one:: burning man (457); hard-to-destroy reptile (682); or 231. The worst option is the 457, since their only similarity is that they both burn. Then comes the reptile, which is more logical here because the foundation is trying to destroy it in all ways and is being tortured (?) it, and looking at ava 10 and everything that's going on, it's pretty logical.And the best option is 231. It's all because of the 110-Montauk percentage, I think everything is clear
Tdl has become 035. Actually, I was thinking about making it 079, but no. 035 is a black lord himself (you see, yes, the black lord and the dark lord- ) and was in alagadda. After that, he was expelled. Just like tdl, he was in league (??) with the cursor, after which he switched to the side of the chosen one and left the computer.
Regarding tsc, there are several options :: D-9341 ( SCP : containment breach ) ; Connor ( Confinement yeaahh sorry... ) and SCP 999 or SCP 507 or 1048The first two options are because both are immortal and a plus in a orange robe (the first moments of AvA 10 resemble the beginning of the game SCP:cb by the way). 999 because it is the son of the scarlet king, despite the fact that it is the exact opposite of his father in character. And 1048 because at first it seemed sweet and kind, but then it began to create evil clones, turning the zone into rubble. ( just like in ava 10, when victim considered tsc a minor threat and after viewing the memories tco clearly changed the class of tsc from safe to Keter )
Mercenaries and workers are the MTF. The agents (Hazard, Ballista, Primal and Agent) are Epsilon-11 ( NTF) . Epsilon always catches anomalies that violated the conditions of detention. Or the red right hand (Alpha-1). Since they are the right hand of the O5 council. As for the usual workers, I have the usual mtf. Or the same scientists ( you can take the same clef, crow etc. )
I think that's all that's accumulated in my head so far. As soon as I get out of the artblock, I'll try to draw everything! :D
( sorry for the mistakes I'M SO SORRY FOR MISTAKES-- )
#alan becker#animation vs minecraft#animation vs animator#animator vs animation#ava#avm#stickman#headcanon#headcannons#scp au#SCP#scp foundation#Au#alternate universe#Hc#HCS
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oh my god i played through both endings of astarions companion quest and spoilers below - it's really just an extremely long ramble
btw i just mean the finale of his quest, not the ending after the whole game
BOTH ARE SO DEVASTATING AND IM OBSESSED WITH BOTH OPTIONS
i rly like to play like im rping my tavs personality so that'll influence the end i go with on other playthroughs but woof
i love that larian gave us the one consequence that might make the power of ascension not worth it... fundamentally changing how astarion relates to and treats us. i REALLY thought id be chill with this option bc i love a power hungry man & my tav would die for him, but it hit SO much harder than i thought it would. maybe also because it was 2 am. but like im obsessed with the difference because of course it changes him—the man emotionally devastated by seeing his past victims deciding to condemn them all, and 6,000 other souls, for the allure of power and safety? and then reaching that unlimited power?
on one hand, seeing him lose that mix wariness & fondness & softness & bravado was GUTTING but also its very sweet that despite basically ascending to vampire godhood, he so badly wants to keep you around. even if, at the moment, he is still wrapping his head around his power and doesn't really see you as an equal lover anymore, vs. an item arguably at the top of things he wants
the lines where he stays hes toootally joking about calling you a pet and that you'll be too obedient for him to need to compel you, and his desire to keep you as a thrall & not give you agency... those are the lines that really killed me and sold the idea that our relationship was fundamentally altered. the "i love you... is what you want to hear, isnt it?" is also brutal, but astarions almost verbatim said that before lmao so i dont mind it as much, hes just silly
the break up options were really satisfying tho ngl and i love that theres two routes where you apologize for even bringing it up and you stay together, when in the past he'd act shocked if you ever chose to be with him
this ending also REALLY made me want to write a self insert (tav insert) fix it fic where you dump him for being a condescending asshole and after a long period of time and yk pining and mourning on your part, astarions going to finally decide maybe he does want a lover with agency and have like this nice slow burn of his personality resurfacing through all that power
like the vampire ascendant astarion rly felt like it was just like 900 tons of power smooshed into an astarion skin suit, and i love the idea that he would find his way back to himself eventually (but maybe after losing you... so sad... maybe he will come back and do the worst approximation of begging youve ever seen...)
anyway for the other ending, i mean. if youve gotten there you know what i mean. its lovely and bittersweet bc consequences and i think larian went a little too hard on selling us that this was the "good" outcome. however. i dont actually care because i played through it after the former version and WOW it was like the most relieving thing ever? to see him acting like himself again, and also very sweet to see how he relates to us afterwards. really up in my feels about how much he trusts us and also relied on us in that moment to remind him of his priorities. as he both he and us were perfectly aware he is exactly the type of personality to be absolutely corrupted by absolute power lmao (which is cute of him)
i thought it was also very interesting that in that moment you persuade him, he approves—like even in the heat of the moment, he didnt truly want to forget everything he cared about outside of safety and power. i didnt get an approval notif for him when i helped him go through with it, but it could just be bugged lol. anyway i rly love that that moment shows so clearly how ascending is a decision driven by fear and hunger for power, not by considering what he wants out of life
anyway my unfiltered thoughts:
we know a great deal about astarions wants and fears and desires from his story
- he desires freedom more than anything
- but that's not ALL he desires. it's freedom in abstract, but also freedom to be himself and to have a sense of who he even is in the first place. he know he deeply mourns losing touch with who he was when he was alive
- he fears being controlled by others, but has also never shown desire to control others in return
- he wants real intimacy & partnership and was afraid he couldn't figure out how to do it, how to relate to any of it without being coerced
because of all this, i do think the ascended vampire is more tragic for him. as an individual, he is happier, but as astarion, the person we've been getting to know—his new life doesn't meet his needs any better than the non-ascended version does. he'll talk about being free, but all he wants to do is... subjugate the world? control everyone and everything around him? like since when?
what really stood out to me is this man who LOVED the sun, missed it in the underdark, was amazed by seeing baldurs gate in light, he wants to cover everything in darkness. for his thralls he supposedly cares for (after sacrificing 7,000 of them for this power)
imo he gained a lack of fear and he gained safety, but the other things he wanted he didnt rly get, which i have more thoughts on than i really want to write here
umascended, he is still free, maybe less safe but that safety is in his control now, at least. and he probably could still swing a castle and an eternal lover if he wanted (did he even become a full vampire? i feel like he must have somewhere along the way) ngl.
anyway to sum it up, i love him so much both directions and will follow him around forever like a puppy regardless of what path he takes
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182 Days of TPN - Day 119
Chapter 119: “Encounter”
Ever since the escape, the WM pen gave Emma hope, insight and a sense of direction, so seeing her drop something she held onto so tightly now that Norman is back is kinda satisfying I guess? He checks off all those boxes for her sorta. She doesn’t ditch it completely though as we see it used later on before the GF raid.
Goes without saying but the reunion was done so much better in manga. All the emotion from Emma reflecting on their time apart hits so hard and of course seeing all the tears they’re shedding contributes to all that too. Also love how they decided to give this moment a double spread as it helps convey that there’s no longer any space between them. The only thing that would’ve made this scene better (for me) is if Emma had knocked ‘em both down to the floor. I know Norman became taller and probably a bit stronger physically since Lambda, but with the amount of speed and force Emma is putting into that hug I’m surprised he’s still standing.
At least the anime remembered his squishy cheeks.
I know this is a very touching moment but honey, why do you gotta say this so causally?? You’re sure as hell ain’t gonna get it back either!
I guess another reason why the manga handles this whole reunion better is that it includes everyone, not just Emma & Ray. Yeah the anime had the escapees see Norman later at that temple they were hiding at, but it didn’t feel the same. As much as I can appreciate the fullscore trio having their own little moment for themselves, I like seeing everyone’s reactions all at once since there’s a wide range of emotions on display here. Emma also looks so pleased with herself with how large their family has become.
I wish there were more chapters focusing on Norman’s time at Lambda. With how closely he was being watched, I can’t help but wonder how he managed to efficiently communicate with Vincent and Smee and how he orchestrated the whole escape without raising suspicions from the demons and Ratri clan working there. (remember when i said no human (on our side) has killed another? well, i forgot about this whole scheme.. so it seems norman has quite the kill count, even if those were done indirectly by an explosion.)
Few chapters ago I wondered if Hayato & Jin knew to look for the escapees based on seeing Norman’s ID or if he told them both what to look for, and though I believed the latter was the valid reason, I can’t doubt the first option now either since his number is in plain sight. I know he typically hides it when outside paradise when attacking farms and making deals with demons so perhaps that’s why I even questioned it in the first place.
Big history lesson incoming.
Favorite panel/moment:
And to absolutely no one’s surprise, of course Ray slapping the hell outta Norman is my favorite. The anime pales in comparison to the sheer amount of power and lowkey rage behind manga!Ray knocking this boy on his ass. The shock on everyone’s face is hilarious as well. At least Norman is a good sport about it.
The rest of this moment is still sweet though, like Norman quoting the letter he left Emma and seeing my boy finally break and have some tears flowing makes me wanna hug him.
To hear the boy who cursed his life and had plans to end it all come around and say he’s happy to be alive is just.. aaahh so so very important!!!!
I do like how the anime gave us a better look at his face with this line though.
And I got nothing against the panel of Emma down below (because it is adorable how she questions her sudden inclusion in the hug), but I love how relieved she is upon hearing such words from Ray.
Stupid is a term of endearment. And I wish I could say we can never let this trio be separated ever again but.. you know. Stuff happens.
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ok hi i am currently making my way through all of ur recs and its a LOT of music so its probs gonna take me a couple of days . that being said what ive heard so far i REALLY like
wanna start with what id already heard, ofc Daytona USA OST is great, id say my favorite songs from there were either Sky High or Pounding Pavement, very hard choice.... good stuff all around tho to be sure
i listened to a couple of tracks from FL2LT and id say Could Be or Sling Shot are my favs there, i really love how he always does his vocals, that shit always rocks and it really shines here from what ive listened to so far
finally MAN all of Mitsuyoshi's tracks from Sega Rally 2006 absolutely fuck. every track i heard was awesome, especially Temptation of Speed, Iron Bullfight, and Muddi'n Bass, pumpin tracks that sound like a perfect fit for a rally game (really makes me wanna give it a shot... the last time i tried a rally game, Michelin Rally Masters, was also for the soundtrack, but i didnt mesh with it that much. maybe ill like Sega Rally more,,)
ANYWAYS those are my first impressions. ill keep u updated on my listening experience, and thank u for the recs, ive been really enjoying it so far :D
Thank you for checking out my list of stuff!
maan... Daytona is iconic at this point, lovely tunes for an already fantastic game.
Hell yeah I love "could be"! Its one of my favorite tracks from Crackin' DJ Part 2.
I enjoy Sling Shot a whole lot... buuut I do kinda preffer Dennis St. James ngl. Idk I feel his voice fits more Daytona 2 but I would be lying if I said Mitsuyoshi didnt give a great performance.
Sega Rally rocks! Its one of my favorite racing game series, straying away from simulation racing to focus on the joy of drifting arround in a rally course.
2006 is great buuut I highly recommend starting with the original and its sequel!
(Ok this is the start to a random ass ramble about Sega Rally... just skip the next bold text)
Sega Rally '94 was ported to PS2 and Saturn
PS2 is a straight port of the arcade version while saturn has a bit funkiness due to it being a much weaker machine than the Sega Model 2 but its still great tho!
Highly recommend the "Plus Netlink" release because of the 3D analog pad support.
2 was ported to DC and Windows... but both versions are bad.
Long story short: SR2 for DC was built arround the Windows CE support that the Dreamcast had. WinCE support was mainly there to make it so developers had an easy time working with the hardware and little trouble bringing their stuff to PC... problem is, windows CE on DC was crap and was much more limiting than it should have been
(so much so SEGA just gave developers their own simple OS so they didnt have to use CE (Using CE was still an option but... nobody used it))
Visuals are much worse and it runs like straight garbage and PC is just DC but at an acceptable framerate.
Emulating the Model 3 ver is the way to go.
Its a bit of a hurdle but its super worth it imo. Its one of my absolute favorite games.
The feeling of taking a corner is unmatched
(End of Ramble)
Im glad to hear you've been enjoying everything so far!!
Thanks once again for giving it a shot and apologies for the extended thing about windows CE there.
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