#the them though

[snow-system-wol]

It's a long time coming, but once S'ria is healed enough to travel on his own, he arranges a long overdue trip to visit someone in Doma. (Post 6.0)

Ao3

(vague references to sexual abuse)

S'ria trekked up the steep cliff on foot – it did not seem right to shortcut his way up via flight, this needed to be under his own power.

He'd considered asking G'raha to come with him, but he felt he'd rather do this alone. Even if alone meant G'raha worrying for him, with fighting being barely feasible yet at this point of healing. Even if alone meant him being absolutely exhausted after the teleport into Yanxia, he'd bear that.

And Hien had been kind about letting him regain his strength for a bell or two, all but insisting he did, so it was far less of a strain than it could've been. Hien had also looked at him with a gentle smile – sympathetic but confused – when S'ria requested directions to a location few knew of.

This was just… necessary for him, even if it would not be physically or emotionally easy.

Finally cresting the top of the hill – more of a mountaintop, perhaps – it was a relief to duck under the shade of the tree overtaking half of the small patch of land. 

Even with a cane he'd brought along for such a trek, he still felt overexerted and a touch nauseous by the time he made it up – and gods did his leg hurt. G'raha would surely tell him that he had been overdoing it, when he returned home after this.

The shade helped greatly, though, and he took in the space properly. It overlooked many of the surrounding valleys, even the ocean was visible from here – as well as the wreckage of Doma Castle. Any sight one could choose to see was viewable from here… perhaps this had been chosen to give as many options as possible, if one view displeased.

S'ria carefully wove through the patches of spider lilies, unwilling to crush any underfoot. He wondered if they'd been planted intentionally in a fit of morbidity, or if they'd simply forced their way up through the ground in the slow dissipation of any remaining aether from Tsukuyomi’s summoning.

And there, just at the roots of the tree, was a simple marker. Nondescript, no sign of who may possibly be buried there. S'ria sat by it, leaning against the tree.

It'd been a very long while since the last time he'd had such a quiet moment with Yotsuyu – if ever, actually. He could think of one or two moments with Tsuyu that had been so still and peaceful, at least.

It was kind, though no less than S'ria expected, for Hien to grant her both funeral rites and privacy against desecration. He had not been unwilling to tell S'ria the location, but if anyone else thought to ask, S'ria expected Hien may refuse or play dumb on the matter entirely.

It was nice that he understood S'ria bore no ill will. It'd been well over a year since, now, and so much had happened in the meanwhile. Plus, the way things had ended… he wished it could've been different – he did not delight in this outcome. 

S'ria was not sure what to say – he expected a still living Yotsuyu would not be thrilled by a ramble, so was monologuing to her corpse improper then? Though, perhaps some of what he had to say would've brought a small measure of comfort – maybe.

The rambling, S'ria felt, was what he most likely meant to do when he came here anyway.

“Hello, I – I don't know what to call you. Yotsuyu was your name, but you only ever seemed happy as Tsuyu… ah, well. I think I have different things to say to each of you.”

S'ria made himself more comfortable, stretching his leg out in a position that made it hurt a bit less. He took one cautious moment of listening, before he said anything that must not be overheard, but there was no sound except wind in leaves and distant birds.

“Tsuyu, I…wish things could've been different. Even in the days before I realized why I was so affected by you, I could not help but be attached. It seemed such a kindness, for you not to have to remember the bad parts… I thought of you often, those first few days after my childhood memories began to return. It must've been so awful for you too.”

He carefully smoothed the shakiness from his voice.

“I hated Asahi so much for forcing you through that.

“And then again, later – all I could think was that if I was able to forget what Zenos had done to me, then I could just move on.”

S'ria paused, a wry smile on his face.

“I don't have some sort of grand and wise answer for why it's better that I know, or any claim that I'm grateful for it. I'm not. I'm just… trying to exist in reality instead of hoping it'll just go away.

“...Gosetsu is still heartbroken, but in good enough health while traveling still. I'm sure he's been by to speak with you, long before I got around to it. I just hope you're resting well.”

S'ria leaned his head back to look at the tiny patches of sky through the leaves. “Ah, that was the easy part, though. Yotsuyu, I have… more things to discuss.

“I hated you when we first met, and even more so when you explained yourself at Doma Castle. ‘How dare she’, I thought. I took it rather personally and yet –”

He laughed derisively.

“I felt so high and mighty that it just made me feel guilty. I was so certain that I would not have stooped to your level, but who was I to impose my beliefs onto your life experiences, if I could not understand what you had been through? The gender dynamic of it was not lost on me either. How very bold for yet another man to judge you and think he knows better. And your story…it made me so uncomfortable to dwell on – though I didn't for very long. Gyr Abania called.

“Having no memories, it was easy to idealize the idea of home. I couldn't help but wonder – if I had been raised there for all of the occupation, hurt by soldiers and self-serving countrymen, would I have hated Gyr Abania the way you hated Doma?”

S'ria sighed. “After I remembered things, it was easier to judge you again. I'd suffered, and was still mostly kind, so you had no excuse – so I thought, stupidly. It felt horrible to think, but I felt even more vindicated because I'd been a decade younger when I was sold off – so obviously I'd ‘had it worse’.”

He scoffed, shaking his head.

“I never would've thought such a thing about any other victim. It was horribly unfair of me. Our experiences after weren't the same, though. Once I was free, I had people by my side that wanted to help. And even then, the moments of rage I felt towards Garlemald…

“I was surely not kind or merciful to them, even before I knew why – or, Fray really wasn't, which is on me too.”

S'ria looked down at his hands, battle-worn callousing from the handle of Fray's sword visible.

“I wish that my experiences were unique, but in Gyr Abania and Othard both… it was the same atrocities everywhere.

“So it's very easy to imagine a version of events where I went to Garlemald and was satisfied by the suffering. Soldiers and civilians alike, just damn the place – abusers and enablers one and all… it would have been easy. We really… are not so different, aside from the few things that mattered most – friends, a chosen family, time. I could’ve been like you, or you like me, if things were just a little different.”

The tears welled up, and he knew there was little point in fighting them. S'ria had been prepared for crying as a possible outcome of this visit – at least it should be cathartic.

“So I think I'm mostly just here to say... I'm sorry for judging you unfairly. I'm sorry that any of that happened to you. I'm sorry that no one was ever there for you in the ways you needed.”

He wiped at his eyes fruitlessly.

“I just… I'm sorry. I don't know if anyone ever said that to you, and you might hate it – but it's not pity. I hope that…us not meeting violently in the Aetherial Sea means that you are at peace now. You deserve it.”

S'ria took a single very slow breath in and out, plucking a spider lily to tuck into his hair. His eyes drifted closed, the warmth of the day now perfect with the tree shading him.

“I'm going to rest with you a little while, before I make the trek back down. I hope that's alright.”

[sylvies-kablooie]

i do unironically think the best artists of our generation are posting to get 20 notes and 3 reblogs btw. that fanfic with like 45 kudos is some of the best stuff ever written. those OCs you carry around have some of the richest backstories and worldbuilding someone has ever seen. please do not think that reaching only a few people when you post means your art isn't worth celebrating.

[hiveswap]

my heavy smoker grandparents came over very briefly and the whole house smells like absolute shit now. So I (chronic tumblrina) got thinking.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

License to Kitty.

[t00thpasteface]

fucking love saying "tough crowd" or "is this thing on" after telling a joke and not getting a response. or "i still need to workshop that one". you fools. even when you completely ignore my jokes you're only helping me set up more jokes. it's open mic night at the hotel california

[zanmor]

We are well beyond canary in the coalmine warning levels with the way trans people and particularly trans women are treated on this site.

Maybe you've heard the metaphor of allowing wolves and sheep to share the same space, welcoming everyone. You end up with just wolves because allowing them in that space makes it unsafe for any sheep. Or the story about how a nazi goes into a dive bar and is refused service. The bartender then explains to someone else at the bar that if you serve them once they tell their friends and before you know it you're the nazi bar they all go to and normal customers don't feel safe.

Terfs and other bigots are seeing these targeted harassment campaigns succeed against trans women and rejoicing. They see Tumblr ban them and officially stand by those decisions as endorsement for their harassment. It's a sign to bigots across the internet that Tumblr is a good place for them.

And what's more is that a lot of us probably don't realize just how much trans women contribute to Tumblr. The women banned recently were sources of site-wide memes and posts I wasn't even aware originated from them.any years old memes and references can be traced back to trans women on this site.

How many of these folks have to be removed before this is no longer a site you want to be a part of it? Sure you cultivate your own experience, but you can't follow or interact with people who aren't here. And if I wanted to interact with the nazis and terfs I'd go to reddit.

I encourage everyone to reblog this. Trans women shouldn't have to be the only ones speaking out against the bigotry they're experiencing. They shouldn't be the only ones risking their blogs being nuked by staff. We have to stand with them.

[halorvic]

[goryfluff]

Nautilus expedition live streams (+ their commentary) 2020 / 2021 / 2022

[aerequets]

the mortifying ordeal of being known

--

I think with Yor being so perceptive, she picks up on little things often (like we saw in ch 103). i believe this would impact loid more so than the usual person, because he is a spy and fakes every part of himself, so to be seen is simultaneously desirable and horrifying. like, it makes him torn between wanting to accept and reciprocate the love, or distancing himself so that it doesn't happen again.

thats mostly what the last panel is about, that dichotomy between 'omg this person noticed this about me, is this love' and 'oh shit this person noticed this about me, is this Doom'

just some thoughts i had🤪

[chloesimaginationthings]

William Afton into the FNAF-verse

[greykolla-art]

I was rereading Skulduggery Pleasant and realised it was a goldmine for cute Alastor & Charlie moments.👌

I’m gonna project genuine friendship onto these fuckers and you can’t stop me!

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

[christadeguchi]

is it ao3 or is it sports media

[charcoaldustonmyfingers]

Little Shadow 1/2

[ 2/2 ]

I would mimic absolutely everything my immediate older brother would do as a kid. I’d get his too small shirts, I’d always play as player two, and I’d follow him around and play all sorts of games with him every chance I would get. I was his little shadow all throughout our childhood.

It gets annoying though, to have to entertain your little sibling when you just want to hang out with your friends. As we grew older we formed our own friend groups and got our own interests separate from one another.

I will always look fondly on those days though :)

[squircatlies]

Get his ass, Gertrude.