#the theatre nerd is strong with him

[hallucinateonpaperspines]

Who is bayverse au Ashlynn’s favorite bot?

Cogman obviously, but Ashlyn will never admit it. His tiny head is much too large already, no need to puff up that mech's plating even more.

So, instead of being honest, if ever asked that question, Ashlyn will do what she does best in this AU: have a little fun with it.

She will wax poetry about the strangest attributes of a bot, the odd symmetry of face plates, the sparks that trail off peds dragged through concrete, and the odd sneezing vent that matches the grace of a trumpeter swan. Random names, some within a few feet of her monologues, some that don't even exist in this universe, but it's never the same person twice and never with the same reasoning.

(Cogman is of course the exception, and the fact he is never mentioned only further proves that the over-qualified butler is the favorite. Sam is very confused by Cogman's preening.)

After Ashlyn finished a very lengthy description of how Megatron's voice has the particular quality of a screw caught in an ill-kept industrial clock's gears, and how his face was blessed with such intricate design that such a thing could only exist to be ripped off and replaced with an inferior model less an asteroid belt grow jealous of such a perilously pieced puzzle face, she gains a bit of a reputation. Well, adds to her current reputation.

Her comments on Optimus having the puckered lips of an infant, matched only by his temper of a toddler, have since gone viral.

(It is unconfirmed if Soundwave had anything to do with it. But it is confirmed that Simmons has been noting down every recorded dis just in case there is some secret message in there. She predicted the robot dino Grimlock! Now who is the octopus Quintessia that she speaks of? Who is the Unicorn?)

[hurtspideyparker]

* Deadpool and Wolverine Spoilers *

Hey guys I need to come clean about my Johnny Storm addiction because I just watched Deadpool and Wolverine for the first time and when Johnny came on screen I said "flame on!" in perfect sync with Chris Evans and then proceeded to scream! In the theatre! So

Anyways that was an insanely amazing perfect movie I loved every minute of it.

Chris Evans' Boston accent was so strong especially in the post credit scene asdfjkfkdh it was insanely hot. Especially because it was Johnny. I'm sorry I'm so far gone for the Human Torch and Chris Evans is my favourite depiction of him.

After Johnny the next best part of the movie was Wolverine in the mask, oh mannnnn that was everything I ever wanted and more. I can't believe how perfect and magical it was.

As an MCU nerd I have to say the shawarma bit warmed my heart.

And Jon Favreau!!! My man!!! The Earth 616 bit was really cool oh em geeee that office. My fave touch was the arc reactor. I wish I hadn't gotten spoiled but I already knew they had the Peter and Tony photo, still cool but am sad about the spoiler. Cough irondadtumblr cough.

The Bye Bye Bye dance... honestly really satisfying. Still thinking about how smooth Pool's moves are. The whole soundtrack was amazing for this film, thank you Madonna! I liked the Greatest Showman easter egg, I wish it was longer but I understand they wanted to be tasteful about it.

The pure Deadpool and Wolverine fight scenes were just chef's kiss. Like heck yeah that's motherfucking Wolverine!!! That's Freaking Deadpool!!! They are doing the Deadpool Wolverine thing !!!!!!!!!

Just so happy to have Hugh Jackman back in this role, he's just. The Best.

The special effects of Cassandra Nova's fingers going through people's heads was epic. So well done.

Laura Kinney a pleasure to see you my darling. Don't know how I feel about Channing Tatum as Gambit tho... I liked how they brought back old actors and characters in a really well-done way, didn't feel like pandering.

Anyways for me PERSONALLY, 10/10. Honestly just for the Johnny Storm cameo I'd have rated it 10/10 cuz I am so easy to please... I will not stop thinking about how after 17 years we got back the best Johnny Storm. Chris Evans I owe you my life

[tvccreator]

Shadow Milk Cookie Headcanons

I've been working on a few stories with Shadow Milk, so I thought I would compile some of my headcanons to share with you all. Hope you enjoy! (It's a bit of a long read, so I apologize. ^^')

Personality:

Shadow Milk is a massive theatre nerd and poetry buff. He constantly makes theatre metaphors and will sometimes be caught quoting famous poets and plays.

He's dramatic as all hell. Shadow Milk thrives on being the center of attention and gets insanely jealous if cookies aren't paying attention to him. He'll often create havoc with his puppets just to get someone to notice him.

Shadow Milk's emotions tend to jump wildly between extremes if he gets worked up. He can easily go from calm and collected to raging psychopath in the span of milliseconds.

He loves to terrorize cookies. If he believes that he can get a reaction from you, you'll quickly find yourself being targeted by the Beast of Deception and his mind games.

His greatest weakness is his pride. He's completely egotistical and sees himself as above other cookies, especially due to his status as one of the five Beast Cookies. Flattery and praise will immediately distract him from what he's doing, and he's a sucker for discussing literature and theatre with anyone who approaches him asking for advice.

Shadow Milk is a naturally baked storyteller, and it shows especially when he's interacting with children. He can easily entertain children for hours on end if need be, and he'll even team up with Eternal Sugar to lull the rowdier children into sleep. (Although you really shouldn't have your kids near Shadow Milk in the first place.)

He's extremely stubborn. While not necessarily the leader of the Beast Cookies, the other four can't tell Shadow Milk what to do or when to do something... with a slight exception.

Eternal Sugar is the only cookie Shadow Milk will listen to, but even then, she only really ever tells him to calm down when he's going on a rampage.

On rare occasions, Shadow Milk will lock himself away in a private space and spend hours simply writing poetry or creating new screenplays. If you haven't heard from Shadow Milk for over thirty minutes, he's most likely working on a project. However, do not disturb Shadow Milk under any circumstances when he's writing. Whenever he gets interrupted, he has a 90% chance of losing his train of thought and will immediately attack the person who interrupted him.

In Battle:

Either a Bomber-type or a Ranger-type, in the Middle position. He specializes in hitting multiple times and in quick succession. While he's not all that strong physically, he makes up for it with his speed and stamina.

Since Shadow Milk used to be the Virtue of Knowledge before his corruption, he is insanely smart on the battlefield. He doesn't like going into battle personally, though, instead opting to sit on the sidelines and relying on strategy and his own silver tongue rather than brute-forcing it (like Burning Spice.)

Shadow Milk will try to use his power to send the entire battlefield into darkness. After all, it's a lot easier to lie to other cookies if they can't see the truth.

If he's rendered desperate enough, Shadow Milk will join the battle himself. However, if he does, consider yourself crumbled. He's not known as a Beast Cookie for nothing; his strength, speed, endurance, and stamina are inhumanely (un-cookie-ly?) high thanks to his former power as a Virtue, and once he enters the battlefield, Shadow Milk won't hesitate to drop all of his lies in favor of bashing cookies' heads in with his staff.

If he's fighting alongside the other Beast Cookies, he tends to tag-team with either Eternal Sugar or Burning Spice. When he's with Eternal Sugar, he uses his powers of deception to get cookies to lower their guard so Eternal Sugar can ambush them. When Shadow Milk and Burning Spice team up, Shadow Milk uses his reality-warping abilities to manipulate the landscape for Burning Spice to cause as much destruction as possible.

[magniloquent-raven]

the devil ain't a beast

Day 1 of @harringrove-flip-reverse-it: Found Family

(read on ao3)

**

Dear Steve,

If you’re reading this, I better be dead. I told you assholes not to open

It’s okay that you guys couldn't

Hey,

It’s weird writing this while you’re sitting right over there

Steve,

I just…wanted to say thank you. I never said it, after you stood up to Billy for me. For Lucas. I should have.

Thank you.

Not just for what you did that night, but everything after that. All the little things. The free movies and driving all of us around and letting me poach quarters out of your glove box (I know you noticed). I know I’m about to die so Maybe it’s stupid to be thinking about some change and a back entrance into the theatre when I’m under the circumstances, but it’s more about the fact that you didn’t have to do any of it.

I know Dustin strong-armed you into helping with the whole D’art situation, but after that you kept choosing to hang out with us, when I’m sure you could’ve found better things to do.

So. I hope you don’t mind that we all kind of see you as a big brother, because we do. I do. It was nice knowing what it’s like for people who aren’t scared to care about their siblings.

When Billy died I’m sorry for pulling away after Starcourt I couldn’t even handle losing the brother I sort of hated, so

Please keep looking after Lucas for me.

-Max

Billy never really learned to keep his nose out of other people’s business.

Maybe this will finally teach him.

The letter falls from his numb fingers, floating back into place on Steve’s desk, light as air and landing silently.

His grip on the page left it crumpled, wrinkled, sweaty fingerprints dented into the blank space below Max’s last words for Steve. Damning evidence that he’s been snooping around, not that Steve would normally care. What’s mine is yours, he said. And so far it seems he meant it.

The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth now.

But he never wanted Max to be his sister, did he. He always said as much. To anyone who would listen, including Max herself. It’s not surprising that she decided to replace him with someone better. His stare goes glassy, scattered papers and trophies and the yellow lamp all blur. His eyes sting.

He has no right to be hurt over this. It shouldn’t hit him like a punch in the gut, but it has, and he aches all over, swaying, nauseated.

And there’s not a damn thing he can do about it. That’s the worst part. He can’t make it better, there’s no fixing this, no patching things up with Max, no going back in time and beating the shit out of himself before he can ruin everything.

No one wanted to tell him, at first. After he clawed his way out of a fissure in the ground, blood and dirt under his nails, and scared the shit out of all of Max’s little nerd friends. She was conspicuously missing, and no one would tell him why.

Being trapped in hell for eight and a half months wasn’t as bad as finding out he was two days too late to ever talk to his sister again. At least when he was being attacked by monsters he could fight back. There’s no fighting this. There’s no excising his grief no matter how many times he bloodies his knuckles.

The sound of the front door being flung open echoes up the stairs. “I’m home!” Steve calls just barely loud enough to be heard, muted by exhaustion.

Billy goes rigid, tension coiling up his spine. It’s usually a relief when Steve comes back, after the quiet, the boredom of being cooped up in an empty house all day. He’s a bright spot, a comforting presence…

It’s not hard to see why Max preferred him.

Billy lets out a slow breath, and swipes at the wetness on his cheeks.

Familiar anger bubbles up in the back of his throat. So familiar it’s almost comforting. He’d rather be angry than blubbering like a child, wallowing in misery.

He’s tired of being second best. Never the favourite, never good enough.

He can’t do anything about how fucking inadequate he was, he can’t ever change enough to make it right, so what’s the fucking point, what’s the point of any of this.

It’s pressure behind his eyes now, tears blurring with something else, that rage that threatens to blind him. He can feel it in his fingertips, and coiled like a snake between his ribcage.

He has to get out. He has to just. Go. Before he breaks another thing that can’t be fixed.

He doesn’t look at Steve, doesn’t listen to his confused stuttering, and he barely feels their shoulders collide as he pushes past him, out the door.

[velvetwyrme]

transformers one is out now!!! have yuo watched it yet?? how was it?? c:

HI ANON i hope you dont mind that i kept this in my askbox for a couple days because I hadn't watched it yet (wanted to make sure I was No Longer Sick, because being sick in the cinema is Not Great) and also technically it hasn't released here yet,,,? BUT apparently they've got advance preview weekends for like. the same price so Obviously I went.

ANYWAY I HAVE WATCHED IT NOW AND IT WAS FANTASTIC!!!! THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

AHHHHHHHHHH hold on I've been talking nonstop about it for like the last. 4 hours. fucking help me. or dont. I love to chatter and will continue to do so under the cut shjfkgnwmbfks so if you count this, it'll end up nearing 6. I'm... probably going to talk about this as if you know the general premise of the movie, but if not. Google it. Or just go watch it!! (Can recommend) I talk too much to summarise it fhfjfbskdnfkf

Vague spoiler warning because I don't know what I'll talk about rhdjfbekntkr,,,,

Edit: If you've been following me for any amount of time, you know that when I say this got long, you really do have to believe me on that.

My mom liked it as well???? She came with me because I didn't want to subject any of my irl friends to my tf rambling and she didn't want me to go alone fbfkfbkd I thought she wouldn't, but SHE LIKED IT.

Okay so first off: going into the theatre, I was so so afraid that I was going to have the same thought I had after watching Puss and Boots: The First Wish, which was- "I REALLY liked that, and it would have been one of my favorite movies if I was still a child." (Still a really good movie!!)

BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THAT. I JUST REALLY LOVE THE MOVIE FULL STOP.

Anyway, onto my wild rambling.

The visuals were superb!! Gorgeous. No notes. Freaking amazing animation and character design and world design !!!!! I'LL COME BACK TO THAT I COULD YELL FOREVER ABT WORLDBUILDING. The characterisation is so so good, so tasty.

Also because I'm a huge honkin nerd...

The movie is largely focused on the dynamic between Orion Pax/Optimus Prime and D-16/Megatron, but the other characters also shine through really well, and they show off a lot personality even with the ones with very few scenes. Elita-One is a fucking delight I wanna kiss her!!!!!!! She's so cool and pragmatic and it SHOWS in what she does and how she acts. She IS better than you, and she knows it. Even Starscreams confident yet cowardly nature is shown with him lounging on a throne and slinking off after his fight with D-16, and he's barely there!!! RAHAGGHHH I love what you can do with characterisation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also my god this movie was funny. Even when the pacing is fast it's a GOOD fast. Comedic moments are used really well in this, and it flips smoothly between that and the more serious and heartfelt bits.

AND HRHFJFJDK okay so maybe its just my sense of humor, but I found Bee to be really really really funny. He's just like me for real!!! Talks too much, excited as HELL about everything!!!!!!!!! HE'S JUST LIKE ME. I also told my mom this and she was like. "Yes! He is jist like you!! He talks a lot. You would do the knife-hands thing. Also, you're wearing yellow." And. I was. I am. hrhfjfjfkkghdk 💛💛 Shockwave in this movie is ALSO very funny. He gets punched <3 Many other characters also get punched, but he complains about it. He reminds me somewhat of TF Animated Shockwave but less intimidating sgdjfbdjfbdmfbmd

Speaking of characters... Airachnid was so pretty. I love her design so much!!!! She's alien and COOL and I love her!!!!! She has so many eyes... (I'd ALSO love to know more about what her deal is. But... her lack of a motive/story is made up infinitely by strong screen presence and personality) Sentinel was ALSO very pretty and I loved seeing him on screen but I (spoilers) loved seeing him get ripped in half more. Those were LOVELY shots.

I brought my mini Soundwave along with me!! I liked Soundwave in the movie even if he didn't play a big part <33 The "there sure are a lot of waves" joke was VERY funny because I had the exact same thought moments before.

There are a LOT of cameos in the film and I kept going "AHHHHH [CHARACTER]". I get why they didn't add more as main characters- there were a loooooot of characters running around already, and only 2 hours!! Even so, I still wish we saw more of the other characters that cameoed (JAZZ!!!!!! MY BOYYYY!! I WAS SO SCARED THEY'D KILL HIM OFF) or had minor appearances because I just. I want to know what they'd do with the characterisation........ but that's what fanfic for for ig ehfjfhdk,,

And on the topic of lovely shots, theres a series of scenes near the end of the movie with no dialogue, only music and sound and. It's SO good. It's so impactful and beautiful and ausuaiaiurhrgh...

The whole movie is inherently sort of a tragedy since it's a prequel. We all know how it ends; what these characters become. But the build up to that is so SO good. I loved the character progression- D-16'S PROGRESSION TO BECOMING MEGATRON IS!!! AHHHHH!! I loved seeing him shift from one perspective to another and they made it believable.

His anger and betrayal giving way to violence- there's this one bit shortly after they are given the ability to transform where you See that violence in D-16 fir the first time, and it's shot so starkly in comparison to the other characters (who also fight to get away) and it's just like. Oh. There's the potential for something dangerous there.

It is so so interesting to me to see how that violence is framed in comparison to the others- all three of the other protags have their moments of violence- Elita-One is very very intimidating and used violence/threats to get her way, and Bee has this lightheartedness/innocence to his violence... Orion Pax is just. he's doing what needs to be done, he takes no joy from the destruction- he's fighting back, but I think most importantly all of them know when to stop.

There are the fights and punches that get thrown around, and then there is D-16 wailing on Starscream. Megatron RIPPING SENTINEL IN HALF. God that scene was good.

Anyway, sometimes in media a character goes through a Big Event that changes or breaks them, but here? There is no breaking point for D-16/Megatron. It's a slow spiralling descent and you see him taking one step after another, deciding to continue down this path. This is shown in a more literal way with his eyes slowly changing colour through the movie (fucking SICK SHOTS!!!!!!!) but there are a dozen more moments where you can see him decide who he is becoming.

IT WAS REALLY GOOD, I LOVE SHIT LIKE THAT.

And as audience!! Though we know this change is inevitable!! (This is an event in the past- the end of this is already written!!!) It's still tragic!! I feel for him!! I want him to keep getting back up in the face of Sentinel's cruelty!!!!!!!!!!

Orion watching his friend change, seeing them grow further apart... and he still hangs onto that hope right up until the end (and even after that!!!!!! He banishes him, because he will not kill him!!)

imo, they did Orion Pax/Optimus Prime really well in this one- he gets into a lot of trouble and it somehow works out. I think they do really well in making him feel down to earth in this- he's punchy and dynamic and has this unwavering respect for the people around him, but he's also good at being tricky and manipulative to get interesting outcomes that nobody else could have considered- he knows how people tick on an individual level and he knows how to use that. He thinks differently, and it's fantastic. Most importantly, Orion can see something nobody else can: a world where things are better.

Orion becoming Optimus... ough. aough. It's so!!!!!! AHHH. I loved all of the sequences that follow after. When his signature axe made an appearance I was so excited it was REALLY COOL. ALL OF IT WAS SO COOL.

The fight choreography is FANTASTIC and while it was a little messy at times (so much... going on........) it was fluid and dynamic and mwah mwah mwah I love it.

ALSO I SAID I'D YELL ABOUT WORLDBUILDING but this is really really long already so like. I'll keep it short as I can

The glimpses of the society that exists is FASCINATING to me. We don't get to see much of it, because our main characters are purely of the lower classes, so what's available to us is quite limited, but the class structure is INTERESTING to me. Unlike IDW, where form dictates function, this universe is driven (ha. ha.) on the idea that some Cybertronians can't transform (and thus work in the lower classes, as miners and waste management etc.) but as it turns out, (spoilers) they actually get their transformation cogs removed before they come online. And like... I can't help but wonder how they pick who gets that treatment?? Luck???? I'm dying to know.

ALSO I really like the Quintessons (sad they're not the the horrible five faced creature things. I wanna see the Weirdos!!!!) but I still think these fuck hard. They're really buggy and organic and cool (I adore their ship designs holy shiiiiiiiiit- just yesterday I was admiring all the bugs and monsters and crabby things in Guild Wars 2, and now THIS?? BLESSED.) And the CYBERTRONIAN DEER ARE COOL!!!!!!!!!! I like them. That's all. I wished we got to see more of the bio-mechanical parts of the planet...

AND AND THE PLANET ITSELF HOLY SHIT AHHHHHH!!!!! The city is gorgeous- the spires going up and down is mwah amazing. The roads and rails appearing/disappearing as they are used? PEAK. The MINES and the surface of Cybertron. They're shifting, moving, alive. I legit was staring slackjawed when they were in the mines- it's just SO COOL to watch!!!

OKAY. IM DONE NOW.

...

AUGH I want to watch it again. I probably WILL watch it again.

If you got all the way down here, thank you for reading (?!) and please tell me what YOU thought of it if you've seen it 🥺👀 Or if you're going to. I definitely recommend it.

[hellfireclubmember]

Secret Nerd PT 2

Someone requested this and I can't find the ask so I am sorry. I'm also sorry for literally taking forever to get to it.

part 1

Summary: Eddie, who may or may not be in love with you, finds out you like LOTR.

Warning(s): lots of steve fluff but eddie angst, unrequited love, not proof read

pairing(s): boyfriend!steve harrington x fem!reader, platonic!in love!eddie munson x fem!reader

w/c: 1.6k

Siouxsie and the Banshees was softly playing through the dimly lit shop. The stacks of new records were beginning to lose their height as you sorted them out into their appropriate bins. There was dust in the air from the number of bins you were kicking out of the way. Usually there was someone to help you with the heavy lifting, but it was 10 AM on a Tuesday. A time void of customers.

“(Y/N)!!” Eddie’s voice boomed through the store.

There was something almost pathetic about how fast a smile appeared on your face when you heard him. You loved it when Eddie visited you at work. He always made your shift go by at Mach speeds. He helped you on inventory days, walking around holding piles of records all whilst giving you free music advice. Which was really just him complaining about anything you put on the loudspeaker. Because according to the dramatic mop of hair, ‘your music taste would be perfect if you just cut out all the moody, creepy whining.’

“I know you’re in here, short stack! Only you would be playing Siouxsie.” You could hear the eyeroll from across the store.

“Yeah, whatever, act like I haven’t seen you nod your head to Happy House.” You walked onto the main floor where Eddie was sitting on the counter, next to the Madonna cassettes. “Nice of you to come see me, Edward.”

“No need to continue the act, (Y/L/N).” His face was stone cold, eyes blank. Last time he looked that severe, he was being told that Hellfire couldn’t use the theatre room because the basketball team had booked it last second. Not a good day to be around Hellfire’s dungeon master. Mike, Dustin and Lucas avoided him for two days, just to be safe.

“You don’t have to pretend to be friends with me any longer; for I have been told the truth.” He hopped off the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, covering the Megadeth graphic plastered on his black tee. “The lady lies.”

“Me lady?” You pointed your finger to your chest, confused as you could be. “I lie?” Brows furrowed as you thought of any fib you might’ve muttered out lately.

“You lie! If we were friends, you would’ve never kept your love for Lord of the Rings from me!” he exclaimed, hand on his forehead. In that moment, the appreciation you had for Eddie’s dramatics had been replaced with a strong urge to kill. You should’ve guessed it though; it had been exactly one day and one night since you had admitted it to Dustin. And Dustin is a HUGE blabber mouth. The boy did not stop.

“Ah, heard about that huh?”

“Yeah, I heard about that.” He rudely mimicked your voice and glared at you. “This entire time, when I was holding stacks of Duran Duran for you, we could’ve been talking about Boromir’s heroic sacrifice.” It was taking everything in Eddie not to crack. He couldn’t stop thinking about how cute you look all pouty. You were all frown lines and crossed arms.

The small crush Eddie had on you seemed to grow at speeds that would leave NASA’s head spinning. When you were first introduced, he didn’t think much of you. Some chick he saw at school occasionally, walking with Nancy or laughing with faceless losers. You were one of the rare people that didn’t move to the other side of the hallway when he walked by, so he definitely remembered you when Dustin was pushing him toward the group. He already knew you were dating Steve, how could he not? ‘Steve’s girlfriend’ was your identifier. And back then, there was nothing he cared less about. Currently it’s something that didn’t let him sleep at night.

Eddie was never sure what love would feel like; and now he knew what both love and heartbreak felt like. Even so, he was never truly sad, not when he could spend time with you like this. The faux vexed look you were forcing onto your face was enough to crush any self-pity swelling in his chest. Besides, he knew that there was no way he had a chance. You loved Steve, and Eddie knew there was no one else you would rather love.

“You would be a Boromir kind of guy.”

Eddie held his hand over his chest as if he were hit with an arrow. “A woman after my own heart.” He fell onto the counter he was previously sitting on.

“Where’s my pretty girl?” The voice of the sandy haired man was heard before he was seen. Eddie watched your eyes light up before you walked around the counter toward the door.

“Hi, Stevie.” You wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on his chest. Steve was like a giant, human Xanax. He made every muscle in your body relax, every racing thought slow down. You squeezed him tight and took a deep breath. Steve loved your hugs. You hugged him as if he had gone away for years at a time.

Steve’s arms wrapped around your shoulders, and he kissed the top of your head. “I missed you.”

“Aw I missed you more, Harrington.” Eddie stood behind you. His arms were crossed over his chest. He was trying his best to look as big as possible. Even if he did know you loved Steve, it did not keep him from messing with him as often as he could.

There was really very little things Eddie could do about the pesky feelings that clawed at his chest when your eyes reached his. He knew that at some point they would slowly fizzle out, like the bubbles in his favorite beer. But for now, he was going to enjoy them. Enjoy looking at you smile, hearing you laugh, rolling your eyes, even putting away those annoying records and cassettes. Even if the image of you stuck to Harrington chunked away at his health. He was used to piecing his heart back together with the scraps of time he could spend with you. Eddie knew what his role was in life and getting the girl wasn’t part of it. It was devastating but his songs had never been better.

You felt Steve’s body tense up. “Man, you’re in here a lot.” He kept a possessive arm around your shoulders. “You wouldn’t want my girl or anything, would you?”

Your head snapped up to look at your boyfriend. That was a really jerky thing to say. Something King Steve would say. Which is what was the most surprising bit, with all the effort Steve put in to distance himself with his asshole high school self. All his other moments of jealousy were pretty tame, cute even. But he was being a jerk to your friend, and it was very upsetting.

Eddie scoffed. “I could never. That would be really dumb of me, right?” He grabbed your hand and pulled you toward him, his lips placed a soft kiss on your knuckles. “I bid your farewell, fair maiden. I have dragons to slay and whatnot.”  

The sunlight from outside painted the walls of the record store once Eddie opened the door. The second he was out of ear shot you finally spoke to Steve.

“I hate it when you’re like that.” Steve looked over at you when he heard your voice, and your frown was like a shot to the heart. He was no stranger to your cute angry face, but he knew when you were really upset. That frown looks nothing like the one you shoot him when he steals some of your fries. And he knew why you were upset. He was being a douche bag. As he was saying the words, he knew they were very asshole things to say but he couldn’t stop it. Steve couldn’t help how angry Eddie’s heart eyes made him.

“C’mon baby. He was flirting with you.” He tried to reason with you, walking around the counter to where you were counting some cassettes. “He has to know he can’t have you. Even if you’re all nerdy too.”

“Steve, Eddie isn’t a threat to you.” You turned around to face him. “Just cuz we both like..”

“I know. God, I know he’s not. I’m not insecure, sweets.” He put his hand on your right hip. Looking down at you. “I know I was made for you ‘cus there’s no one out there that loves you like I do.” He let go of your hip and found your hand. A perfect fit, but he already knew that. If that thing about an invisible string was true, he knew you were both knotted up together. Like those impossible knots on your necklaces, the ones you have Steve work out for you.

The anger that you felt for Steve dissipated and turned to another familiar feeling. Adoration. Love. Loving Steve has been the easiest thing you have ever done. He made it so easy. With his honey coated words and his pretty pink lips that kiss away all your worries.

“I just wish you would be nice to Eddie. He’s done nothing but be good friend to me.” There was a part of Steve that knew you were right. He was a good friend, not just to you but to multiple of his own friends. But the part of him that knew he was in love with you made him want to pummel Eddie.

“I just hate that he thinks about you the way I do.” He placed a gentle kiss on your lips. “It should be illegal. I should put in a word with Hop, get him arrested or something.” Another kiss on the tip of your nose. “In fact, get every loser that thinks they have a chance with you and through ‘em in jail.” Another kiss to your forehead. He saw the way you were biting back a smile when he pulled away.

“Just please stop being an asshole okay?” His finger found your sides and he started to poke, making you giggle and squirm away.

“If you insist, angel.” His lips pressed to yours for a long kiss.  

taglist: @slashersluttt @slurmp69 @sadbitchfangirl @actual-mom-steve-harrington @stylesyourmine @pennyllanne @johnricharddeacy

[prodigal-explorer]

my tss headcanons that make my fics/ideas/profile unique!!

basically headcanons that i rarely see other people share but i love them and i talk about them on the regular!

(also most of these are gonna be about roman lol)

1. roman is dark skinned, and not even like a teeny tiny little tan either he’s like DARK dark skinned and so is remus, but remus is a tiny bit lighter than him.

2. roman has a lightning mcqueen nightlight that he uses to tackle his fear of the dark. he also regularly has nightmares.

3. in high school aus, roman is not popular. he is not the queen bee, he is not the mega powerful guy with a lot of friends. he is an OUTCAST! whether it’s because he’s a spoiled brat who was never taught social skills, or he’s a theatre nerd who never stops talking about music and art and poetry. this man is not heather chandler reincarnated, he is a high school outcast 😭

4. virgil is wayyyy way way buffer than roman 😂 he is not a weak little noodle getting carried around by the valiant prince roman, he is a tough, silent guy carrying around his whiny dramatic twink.

5. on that note, virgil is the strong and silent type, but he’s not like super shy and meek or super mean and snappy. i love my virgil to be somewhere in between. he’s got some snark, but usually, it doesn’t get expressed out loud. i would compare him most linearly to matthew cuthbert from anne of green gables.

6. logan is so protective. this man deserves a brother of the year trophy because i make him the big brother in so many aus and he is just such an amazing brother figure because he cares so much and he cares about keeping his loved ones safe.

7. on that note, logan is SO kind to the weak, harsh to the strong. and janus is the same way. enough said.

8. every single side is capable of causing damage. i see so many people who make every other side realistic and then their favorite is so innocent and special and physically incapable of doing wrong. thats not me. everybody can and has caused irreparable damage and its delicious.

9. roman has a massive sweet tooth and virgil has absolutely no spice tolerance.

10. NONE OF THE SIDES ARE SKINNY LITTLE TOOTHPICKS. WE HAVE ENOUGH SKINNY LITTLE TOOTHPICK REPRESENTATION WE DONT NEED MORE. “patton is so small and petite” NO. patton has a dad bod, logan has belly for days, virgil and remus are muscular af, janus and roman are curvy bodyodyodyody. and they’re all BEAUTIFUL. AND THATS THE LAW. like where did all the stick figure side stuff come from?? not even THOMAS is that super mainstream body type that every single popular character ever is. i can’t wait for the world to get tired of writing endless skinny characters. (AND I AM NOT BEING OFFENSIVE I AM LITERALLY 110 POUNDS MYSELF SO I CAN SAY THIS.)

[terminatorbuns]

The Deep Cut Deep Dive: Overthinking the Deep Cut Dynamic in Excruciating Detail (An essay by @TerminatorBuns)

This was originally posted on Reddit, but I want to share with Tumblr to see if Tumblr likes this format more. Also because I'm close to finishing a second essay about Deep Cut, focusing on Frye.

Deep Cut is great, I love them, and their relationship dynamic lives rent free in my head. The one thing Nintendo did for us this time is drop story mode lore for Deep Cut on Day 1, and it has fleshed out their relationship dynamic in IMMENSE detail, enough to rival what we know about Off the Hook. How much detail are we talking about, you might ask? A FUCKING LOT it turns out! We're talking about Tableturf secrets, we're talking about Frye's feet, we're talking about the implications of Big Man's breakfast on the course of his artistic development, this shit goes DEEP. I don't know who needs to hear this but Splatoon idol lore is the meatiest part of Splatoon world building and an absolutely BONKERS ride. I want to take you through that journey if you haven't been on it before, or just need more fuel for your lore headcanons.

I wish this was a bit more academic but I didn't have the time and patience to cite everything with game screenshots, so I'm assuming whoever is reading this has already played the story mode and has a rough idea of what I'm talking about. Spoilers obviously. At the very least I hope this will be an entertaining rant, feel free to yell at me in comments about stuff I got wrong, I welcome the discourse.

1. A Bunch of Theatre Nerds

Deep Cut primarily differs from Off the Hook in one way: they do not specialize in music, but in THEATRE. Each of the two humanoid idols are designed from the ground up to represent two different forms of traditional Japanese theatre, and it ties deeply into their dual roles in the game. The important takeaway is that each idol excels in one art, but struggles at the other, and we will explore what this means. Let's talk about Shiver and Frye; Big Man is a special case, we'll have to put a pin in him and come back to that.

2. Shiver is Rakugo

Shiver is a performer of Rakugo, or Japanese seated story telling. Deep Cut's day job as newscasters is represented as a Rakugo performance, and Shiver brings a fan and a little table to the job, both common props in Rakugo. Shiver exhibits all the qualities of a strong Rakugo artist, she sits in a Seiza kneeling position with excellent posture, and delivers the news with wit and poise. She has excellent, sharp facial expressions that she directs straight at the audience, she uses her fan to gesture in ways to attract attention, and she punctuates her delivery by tapping her fan against her table to create little sound cues for a listener. Her approach to drawing an audience to her words is multilayered and complex, and her vocal skills as a storyteller seems to parallel her strong vocals when singing (not that you can tell how good her diction is since she speaks in warbly Squid-Gibberish).

Frye is much less skilled by contrast, for a number of reasons. She doesn't even attempt to sit in a Seiza stance, and in fact can barely sit still without attempting to wiggle off her cushion. From a general speaking perspective, Frye fails to establish eye contact with the audience because she's always staring at the other two performers, whoever is speaking at the time. She also lacks all of Shiver's propwork and has no intentionality in her gestures. She compensates for her weak delivery with goofy, high energy antics that are charming in her own way, and this is what earned Frye a reputation as a fidgety gremlin baby compared to the cool, sophisticated Shiver. Before launch that was everyone's impression of Frye, but the arrival of story mode dropped a massive bomb on us that flips the dynamic COMPLETELY UPSIDE DOWN. Feet are involved, let's discuss.

3. Frye is Kabuki

Story mode showed us Deep Cut as a hilarious team rocket like villain team, but the bigger takeaway is that we finally see Frye in her preferred art form: Kabuki stage performance. Frye's entire villain persona is a stage act, she thrives as a stage villain and has the charisma and skills to back it up. I should note that Frye doesn't practice pure Kabuki with all of its strict discipline, but Frye isn't full, or even partially Japanese herself, since she's very much South East Asian in design. She has her own, maybe(?) SEA inspired take on stage performance, but some of her stances in the later sections of story mode are unmistakably Kabuki, it's clear where she draws inspiration for her style from.

Villain Frye is amazing, she's confident and charismatic, and genuinely menacing in demeanor before her fight. She has a professional code of conduct as a villain: she states her intentions clearly, paying respect to the player before her boss fight and offering to negotiate before fighting. She's the only one who correctly uses her smoke bomb correctly to make a dramatic exit, and she names all of her meticulously choreographed attack patterns like a proper anime villain.

Conversely, story mode is where we finally see Shiver struggle. Her villain performance is fun, yet inconsistent: she's unnecessarily melodramatic and overacts every scene, and she throws petty insults at you before breaking character to just try to run you over with a shark-bike. She fumbles her smoke bomb and becomes increasingly frustrated everytime you knock her down, unlike Frye who doesn't break character and recovers immediately after she is downed. Shiver still makes a fun, campy comedy relief villain, but she visibly loses the confidence and dignity she had as a Rakugo performer, highlighting how much she is out of her element. In Shiver's defense, she does manage to pull off that absurd sleight of hand in her intro where she switches her mask for her fan while delivering the spiciest piercing gaze, while Frye just chucks her mask off screen instead. Once again Shiver's dexterity in her face and her hands are her strongest tools.

4. Frye's feet

I feel like an absolute lunatic writing this section, but I assure you there is genuinely a need to discuss this topic in length. Forget Frye's forehead for a second, her FEET are easily her most important assets. Frye uniquely emotes with her feet more than any other idol the same way Shiver emotes with her hands, except Shiver's hands don't have enough lore significance to fill a whole section. Frye's feet DO. I would go so far as to say Frye's feet are one of the most SIGNIFICANT visual tools we have for contextualizing the difference between Frye and Shiver's entire professional art forms. Strap in.

For starters, Frye's footwork is MONSTROUSLY powerful. Take a look at her during her boss fight, she's playing an instrument, and hopping up and down on an Octostomp like it's a goddamn circus ball. It doesn't take a single eel hit to knock her off balance, you have to send her ENTIRE eel army at her before you can knock her down! I think the eels inside her Octostomp are moving it, so in theory she's not piloting it with pure foot power, but also she kicks it onto its side before she starts blowing into her flute?!! I have no idea, I can barely comprehend what is happening here.

At the same time, her feet fully solidifies her ties to Kabuki. Kabuki is an art form done without shoes, and since she performs her villain persona outdoors, she doesn't wear shoes anywhere. Kabuki is also a full body art form which requires precision footwork, and she has that in spades. This is in stark contrast to Shiver, whose seated Rakugo performance has no footwork whatsoever. Shiver's footwork is comparatively weak as a result.

Don't get me wrong, Shiver has enough footwork to dance in blocky Geisha shoes (I've been told they are Okobo shoes), but it's in a stage performance capacity where Shiver's footwork completely falls apart. Shiver doesn't know how to express body language through footwork, so she DOESN'T. Shiver stands completely in place during her villain performance and tries to compensate with her upper body expressions, but this lets Frye completely dominate her in stage presence. In most scenes with both idols, Frye physically takes up more of the screen through footwork: she positions herself one or more steps TOWARDS the audience and literally looks BIGGER as a result. Frye's full body poses are also wide and faces the audience/camera at an angle that maximizes her surface area to attract visual interest, which is a core Kabuki concept that, again, requires intentional footwork and positioning. Shiver poses with her feet together and her body turned to the side, so her screen presence is minimal every single time. In fact, she uses her feet so little in her villain performance that she's the one member of Deep Cut that fights on a vehicle and has no mobility of her own!

At the same time, Frye's feet are double edged swords and her greatest weaknesses. Take a look at Frye while she is newscasting, what is she doing in her default pose? Yeah that's right, HOLDING HER FEET. Her Kabuki background is so used to full body acting that she's restless sitting still, and she's holding down her feet because they literally want to EXIT THE PREMISES. Every once in a while she fails to contain herself and kicks off in every direction, threatening to kick a hole in Big Man's TV and boot Shiver's table off the stage. Frye's feet are a MENACE.

5. Big Man and Amateurism

Remember at the beginning we put a pin in Big Man? His arms are getting tired so we're letting him down from the wall now.

So how does Big Man fit into this dynamic? Nintendo confirmed that he is their composer, so he provides a music background to the team whereas the other two are theatre nerds. Big Man is unique in that his talents are largely background work, unlike our other two idols who specialize in stage work. However, that makes him a bit of an outlier in terms of theatrical performance. He follows Shiver and Frye around to both their performances but doesn't have much proficiency in either one. As a newscaster he stumbles over his words often, and his villain persona is just his regular persona but slightly angrier. He doesn't really dance and sing particularly well either, there's a sequence in the Anarchy Rainbow choreography where Big Man nearly smacks the other two idols out of clumsiness. Big Man is an odd duck in the Deep Cut trio, and yet, this is a central aspect of his design and his appeal, it's kind of the point.

The central theme of the Deep Cut dynamic is Amateurism, and this ties into Splatoon 3's core theme of Chaos. Each humanoid idol is a master at a specific performance art, and an amateur at the other art form, but the important part is that they show up anyways to clown around, and that in and of itself adds a distinct flavor to the performance despite their individual weaknesses. The chaos of Splatoon 3 is the contrast between a professional artist on a stage next to two absolute goobers, and the chaotic, yet dynamic performance that results from three artists of different skill levels colliding. In that sense, Big Man is the true amateur who shows up to everything in an effort to contribute, and his bumbling inexperience is extremely lovable. This is in direct contrast to the Off the Hook dynamic, as both members of Off the Hook are musically talented and completely aligned in their artistic interests, while the members of Deep Cut have differing interests but will always show up for each other, like absolute BROS.

The Big Man discussion does not end here, however. Big Man's sunken scroll depicts him as a member of the prestigious Manta Clan, with the fanciest dining set while the text describes the Manta Clan's meticulous breakfast habits. Shiver and Frye's sunken scrolls, in contrast, describe the ancient artistic history that both of them descend from. Jumping into story theories at this point, I would personally guess that Big Man comes from a different economic background than the other two. Splatsville appears to have the aesthetics of a rural city after a rapid expansion, many of the buildings are cluttered and old looking in contrast to some infrastructure that looks very new. If we assume that Shiver and Frye's families have lived in this area for quite some time, it would be quite likely that they were poor or middle class, partially explaining their concern for the underprivileged citizens of Splatsville. Big Man on the other hand looks like he comes from the richest, snobbiest kind of high society family. He's a fancy fancy boy.

The more important takeaway is this: Big Man seems to come from a family background that prioritizes formality and rules over personal expression. From this we can make an educated guess that Big Man started his theatrical journey LATER IN LIFE. Shiver and Frye could easily have been practicing stage performance from early childhood through their family history, but Big Man's family traditions doesn't lend itself well to open self expression, and whatever artistic ability he might have gained through his family does not translate well to the stage! Big Man's exposure to theatre would have happened outside of his family, possibly after he gained some amount of independence from them. I'd hazard a guess that his friendship with Frye and Shiver might even be the starting point of his stage career!

Shiver and Frye are letting Big Man, maybe even encouraging him, to perform with them on stage despite him being a relative newcomer to theatre. There's relatively little judgement, they too understand that all artists have been amateurs at some point in their journey, and continue to be amateurs at other art forms even after mastering their own. My boy is doing his absolute best to perform alongside his theatrical seniors and it's so precious. This dynamic is wholesome beyond my wildest expectations, I am HEALED.

6. Tableturf and Artistic Priorities

I added this section last because I only discovered this information after I had completed my original draft, and Nintendo is actively fucking with me at this point. Each of the three idols have personality traits that come through in their TABLETURF dialogue, of all places, and it's kind of the final piece that makes the Deep Cut dynamic click for me. Through their tableturf dialogue we learn a lot about each member's priorities as an artist, enough for us to explore in detail.

Shiver is an audience focused artist. Her focus in tableturf is centered on you, the opponent, and she makes it a matter of personal pride to compete against you and she takes her victories and losses very personally. No matter the outcome she requests a rematch, because her priority is the opponent's experience, as she seeks the approval of her audience. Her eye contact and graceful mannerisms are as sharp as ever up close as she is on stage. This plays well with the second aspect of her artistry, which is the fact that she has a Geisha aesthetic in addition to her Rakugo specialty. Hospitality and direct conversational interactions are a part of both jobs, even if she secretly has a bit of an ego and barely resists gloating if she wins.

Big man is a self-focused artist. He comes off as awkward and shy in a tableturf match, and we get to see a little bit of the bubbling insecurity behind Big Man's jolly smile. Big man's lack of stage performance abilities translates into his social interactions as well, and he uses self deprecation to downplay his abilities and expects to lose, being pleasantly surprised if he wins. What Big Man is primarily looking for is a kind of self-acceptance, as an amateur artist he wants to hone his abilities to a point that he can be confident in himself, and he shows the same anxiety in his social interactions and tableturf games. No matter if he wins or loses, his primary focus is on his own performance, and he mostly comments on whether or not he has met his own expectations. Every small victory seems to do great things for his self esteem and you just want this boy to be happy, let him win at card games.

Frye's tableturf mannerisms is the most interesting, as it turns out, and is actually the reason I even wrote this section (my Frye bias strikes again). The most important detail is that she fails to make eye contact with the player, AGAIN, just like when she's newscasting! At face value this is VERY strange: in the news room she is clearly staring at whoever's talking, but in a direct conversation with you, why does she still not look at you? I've also seen people complaining that she's one of the only players that insults the player after a win and makes no attempt to console the player, and that is completely true. What isn't very obvious is the additional layer of meaning in the same win dialogue that really clarifies her priorities in the moment, and this is a CRUCIAL piece of Frye's characterization. When she wins her first instinct is to tell SHIVER and BIG MAN about her victory.

Remember that Kabuki is a stage performance with multiple artists in multiple roles. Rakugo can be performed solo, and Big Man seems to compose solo as well, but Frye's Kabuki actively requires the participation of other artists, it is a collaborative performancr. This brings us to the realization that Frye is a uniquely TEAM focused artist amongst Deep Cut: her top priority is her bandmates, at all times! Frye NEEDS Deep Cut, her personal style of theatre doesn't even work without friends, and she's fixated on maintaining her friend group as a result. Frye is able to focus on an audience when she is actively doing her job as a Kabuki artist, but any other time she starts spacing out because she simply spends all her energy thinking about ways to impress her bandmates! She comes off as dismissive to the player, because her mind is literally wandering to her band friends, even when they are not around! Deep Cut means the world to Frye in a way that isn't as meaningful for her friends, and she's made herself into the glue that holds this friend group together; Frye is very much the heart of the Deep Cut trio. Frye's dedication to her friends is the actual CUTEST detail in this entire game, I CANNOT believe they hid this information in tableturf. Why is Nintendo like this?!!

7. Conclusion

Splatoon's world building is extremely art centric, and the lore they write for their fictional artists is some of their best, most detailed work. Looking at Splatoon lore through an artistic lens is extremely rewarding because there are secrets and details everywhere. I've obsessed over Off the Hook's similarly complicated character dynamic in the past, and Deep Cut is really making me relive those memories like that dude from Ratatouille, it's hitting me HARD.

In some ways even this write up is only a surface reading, I'm no expert on traditional Japanese theatre or SEA culture and I have no idea how many details can be uncovered by an actual expert. I also have no music background and the Splatoon team hides fricking lore in the fricking OST and I cannot begin to unpack any of that. I fully expect that there's more details I've missed or have gotten wrong, but I hope I've at least established how deep this rabbit hole goes, and how much fun it is to dig through Splatoon lore instead of getting enough sleep.

Anyways the next time someone asks me why Frye is best girl I'm gonna have 3000 words of documentation to show them.

8. Miscellaneous notes

- What is going on with Shiver's shoes, they don't have straps, how do they stay on? Are they glued to her socks? Does she have to take the sock part off to remove the shoe? She has to take her shoes off to perform on a tatami mat, but we can't see what's going on back there feet wise since she has a Rakugo table in front. Is her lower body even rendered back there? I draw fan art, I need to know this stuff.

- Shiver likes to take jabs at Big Man sometimes that he struggles to respond to, being a less experienced conversationalist and just socially awkward in general. It's not necessarily malicious, however, Shiver could just be giving him opportunities to practice his conversation skills and keep him in the discussion. Plus he's very cute when flustered, I dunno that Shiver can resist prodding him.

- Big man is differently abled in a very literal sense. He has no hands or feet with which to emote, he's trying his best to express himself with his flappy fins. He barely has functional vocal cords, just going AY and making warbling fish noises all the time. Big Man's body isn't great at singing or dancing, but it is very good at things that Manta Rays are traditionally good at. He mentions being able to filter feed, and his mobility is remarkably good in swim form. Big Man is also a pretty dangerous predator unless you have the sensor upgrade.

- Shiver's family situation is kind of a mystery, how do they have a tradition of Shark taming if Octarian society is a militaristic dictatorship run by DJ Octavio? I suspect that Shiver was never a part of his army and there are Octarians living outside of his rule. She's definitely a Splatlands native, members of Octavio's Octo Canyon army should have been able to identify Callie and Marie easily.

- Shiver's aesthetic shifts to a violent Bōsōzoku biker gang aesthetic when she boards Master Mega, since he's outfitted with motorcycle parts and wears those bad boy sunglasses. It's a sharp contrast to her polite Geisha presentation, and so is her entire villain persona. This is what I mean when I say Shiver's performance style is inconsistent, but Shiver's two-faced presentation is also super fun to watch and kind of her entire appeal. There's an aggressive pettiness underneath the polite outward presentation and the gap between her two personalities is peak comedy. - I only just recently realized that she's a Geisha with a shaved punk cut and that's amazing: https://www.reddit.com/r/splatoon/comments/xk5mtx/did_yall_notice_shivers_head_is_supposed_to_be/

[rei-ismyname]

Ororo, late in the Genesis war, holding the Uranos Trigger like Yorick's skull, thinking about all she's seen and done after choosing to insert herself in this culture - 'Arakko doesn't have drama kids bc everyone is like that all the time. I've never felt so fucking alive. I wish everyone who made fun of my weather incantations and invocations to goddesses I'm related to could see me now. Exodus would love it here.'

Jon Ironfire, sweating bullets bc he's had the worst day of his life 3 weeks in a row + he is grieving his malewife who *entrusted him with his sword* - 'Why do you hesitate? If you're not strong enough to press the button to summon the demigod who killed half the planet like a month ago then I will!'

Ororo, waiting for Roberto to and to create suspense *WORDLESSLY FRIES THE TRIGGER TO SLAG WITH A HECTIC LIGHTING BOLT*

Roberto, nodding 'fuck yeah'

Fisher King, having constant PTSD flashbacks and overwhelmed by merging with a sentient swarm of insects plus the thousands of years of memories that come with it - stares at the giant fish and mutters incoherently.

Jon Ironfire, horrified - 'Why did you do that crazy and dramatic thing? I'm going to be rational and try to kill my malewife and his 99 ride or die soldiers by myself.'

Dick Rider (Nova) watches, appalled but trying to not be judgmental. He's grateful that he's immune to the call of Drama Kid Swag. Out of the corner of his eye he spots a plague arrow flying straight at Storm. He acts quickly and *undramatically*

Everyone is shocked but they totally get why he did it. It looked super cool. He's beyond fucked up though, and morale is low. They wonder if majoring in theatre was a useless degree, if it's incompatible with being a warrior. Silent prayers are mouthed, a sign is needed - a champion of violence and monologues. 'Magneto!' They think, but it's a forlorn hope. His heart was torn out last war, he kept himself alive using rage and dramatic timing - long enough to slay one final enemy and redefine philosophical deathbed soliloquies.

...

...

A portal opens.

The First Drama Kid. En Sabah Nerd. The ancient marriage of war and elocution. Favourite son of Space Gods. Slayer of Glee club. Cause of the Bronze Age Collapse. Having a wild act 3 face turn

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Shrek 3 and 4

The wild gendered expectations they have on Pinocchio to hate dinner theatre LMAO

"I am the rightful King of Far Far Away." On what grounds, Prince Charming?

Why does Shrek have to do all the knighting and christening of boats when Fiona is the royal heir? Even in Shrek we cannot escape the misogyny of inheritance laws

"Imagine an Ogre baby. They extra cry, and they extra poop." This is unfortunate foreshadowing for how many babies they're gonna have

"I am proud to call you my Frog-King Dad-in-Law." Ghkjhgkjhg Shrek is as preoccupied with Harold being a frog as Harold was with him being an Ogre

"You and Fiona are next in line for the throne." Again, I feel like Fiona has this whole like, princess her whole life thing going for her. Why does Shrek need to be ruling in any way

NOT KING HAROLD BEING SENT TO REST IN YE OLDE FOOT LOCKER BOX:

Why has Doris been thrown out of the bar!! Who is Mabel!!

"And you, Frumpypigskin." "Rumplestiltskin." "Where's that firstborn you were promised?" I think this is supposed to be foreshadowing for the next Shrek movie

"How does it happen?" said Donkey, as if he did not have at least five children (six if we count the missing baby, whose name is apparently Éclair)

"My stomach aches and my palm just got sweaty. Must be a high school." Relatable. Also the implication that Shrek went to high school. Was it an Ogre high school or a general high school for fairytale creatures

"My friend Tiffany thinkest thou vex her so soothly. And she thought perchance you would ask her to the homecoming dance." Tiffany confirming that the Shrekfucker community is alive and well

Not Arthur Pendragon being bullied by the nerds omg

Fgjkhkghkgjh Guin being repulsed by Arthur. Rough

I guess we know where Doris is!! At Fiona's baby shower

"I got you the biggest one, because I love you the most." HAHAHAHA not Snow White giving Fiona a PERSON as a present

HAHAHAHAHA I love Pinnochio double negativing Charming into confusion

"He'll never fall for your tricks!" [Nose grows] Pinocchio knows Shrek is very gullible

Most of Shrek's problems are related to just being too strong to handle his own body

How long does Shrek think he can hide the fact there are other heirs to the throne. Does he think if he waits til they're in Far Far Away, Artie won't turn back?

"Somebody help! I've been kidnapped by a monster trying to relate to me." This movie strongly feels like it was written by the parent of a teenager LMAO

"Please leave any bad vibes outside the healing vortex." Me trying to talk to my parents

"My dad wasn't really the fatherly type either." 1) The plot of this movie is simply Daddy Issues: Shrek Edition and 2) Are we finally going to find out where some of the other Ogres are?

I guess we have taken until the third movie to confirm that some, if not most, Ogres, are pro-eating each other, at least. Shrek's father said, I put you in this world, I can take you out

"People used to think I was a monster. And for a long time, I believed them. But after a while, you learn to ignore the names that people call you, and you just trust who you are." SOMETHING SOMETHING METAPHORS FOR OPPRESSION SOMETHING SOMETHING MY HEART

"That Charming makes me hotter than July." Why did Rapunzel say 'ew,' isn't she the one that Charming calls Kitten Whiskers lmao

Update from 30 seconds later: I got an immediate answer to this question in the form of Rapunzel betraying them

Also: Is the topiary supposed to be Lillian or is the implication Charming's first act in this coup was to replace the garden sculptures jkhgkjhg. I've been thinking it for a while but Lillian and Charming really do have the same hair and general face shape:

"Shrek will be back soon, and you'll be sorry." Fiona why do you need Shrek, you can take out a band of ten Merry Men by yourself!! Are you hesitant to fight because you're pregnant? This movie should really be about Fiona and not Shrek

"Get yourself back to Worcestershire, kid." Bold of them to choose this name for Artie's hometown hahahah

HAHAHAHA Artie defeats Merlin's magical insecurities by having a tantrum

Efhjkfhkfjh the implication that Donkey has been suppressing his inner heehaw for two whole movies. Poor Puss in Boots

"He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek." Artie's best quality as a leader is his ability to think on his feet

"I wasn't right for the job. I just needed some fool to replace me." IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE NOT THE ROYAL HEIR OF FAR FAR AWAY SHREK, FIONA IS! IT'S HER THRONE AND HER DECISION, U DINK

Shout-out to Cinderella's slowly dwindling mental health, she's got some of the most labour-intense and psychologically difficult backstory kghkhjg

Oh hell yeah Julie Andrews as Mama Lillian showing where Fiona got her fighting skills

"Okay girls, from here on out, we're gonna take care of business ourselves." AS THEY SHOULD!

HAHAHAHAH Snow White's singing scene is all I remember from this movie. Get 'em girls!!!

Cinderella throwing her glass shoe, Sleeping Beauty tripping them with her narcolepsy, Doris tripping the men up with her leg that didn't fit into the shoe. I love that the mechanisms of their fighting are the same as their confines in the story

"Shrek only said those things to protect you." And because they were true! He was also dishonest with Arthur lmao

Awwww the Shrek fan club in the audience. He really is a beloved by the people, in his way

"If you don't mind, could you kill me, and then sing?" Charming really should've put a muzzle on Shrek if he wanted him to be a silent participant in this play

Shrek's strongest asset by far is the community of people he and Fiona have built (the fairy tale creatures, the princesses, Doris, the dragon, the citizens of Far Far Away)

"Don't you ever wish you could be something else [other than a villain]?" Arthur yet again comes through with his gift of gab

"What Steve's trying to say is it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world's against you." Steve and Ed the Evil Trees raise very point

"I grow daffodils, and they're beautiful." Love this for Captain Hook

"It's yours if you want, you know. But this time it's your choice." WHY IS IT NOT FIONA'S CHOICE!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE NOT THE PRINCE, SHREK!!!!

You know, if the only remaining complication of switching bodies is losing your tail for a bit, that's not the worst

"I think the kid's going to be a great king." "Well, for what it's worth, you would have too." SO WOULD YOU, FIONA, AS HEIR TO THIS KINGDOM!!!! Raised as a princess!! The plot of this movie is so bizarre

I love how much Lillian loves her weird little family. No Judgement Mum

Tag yourself, I'm the "Where's the Baby" Dwarf kjghjghjh

Well, even if it's not something Fiona specifically identified as wanting for herself instead of ruling, I'm happy they get to have their happy little family in the swamp and a nap

Onto: Shrek 4

I will not lie to you, I am mostly watching the fourth Shrek because I went to Shrek trivia and we missed a bunch of questions related to the fourth movie LOL

Why does the animation look so funky in this one? It's giving a bit of Monster by Mistake/direct-to-video sequel

How are Shrek's babies old enough to speak but Donkey's still look the same even though they're at least 9 months older?

Is the plot of this, much like the second Incredibles movie, 'I can't believe that I, a father, have to parent'

I know people have been committing Ogre Microaggressions all day and that he wasn't the first to destroy the cake (Donkey licked and the Pigs ate the first one) but what kind of a father destroys his own children's birthday cake. Get some therapy, Shrek

"I wouldn't expect you to understand, it's not like you're a real Ogre. You spent half your life in a palace." "And the other half locked away in a tower." 1) What a thing to say to someone who became an ogre permanently FOR YOU, and 2) She got a point there, Shrek

"You have three beautiful children, a wife who loves you, friends who adore you. You have everything." Shrek said: God Fiona, have you ever heard of an introvert

Lmao @ this movie retconning the fact that Shrek and Rumplestiltskin have already encountered each other when Arthur took the throne

Shrek representing the very real experience of not reading the terms and conditions every time you sign off:

"It's me, Shrek, your best friend." After four movies Shrek finally admits that Donkey is his best friend hahaha

Gingey being in a cookie fighting league jkhfkfh on brand for him

Why is there such a large proportion of witches in Rumpelstiltskin's palace hahaha, I get that there were more than a few, but Rumpelstiltskin seems to hang with witches exclusively?

"I ended Fiona's curse." Technically yes, but did u really Shrek? You just ended the switcheroo to her original human form, not the resultant transformation

I gotta say, the soundtrack moments in this film are so far a lot weaker, BUT I do love Shrek rescuing Donkey, His Best Friend Who Doesn't Know Him, and covering his eyes as they go through the roof:

As if to challenge me on that last point, they had Shrek sing an off-key rendition of "You've Got a Friend," which was delightful

Donkey looks particularly off in this movie and I've just realized it's because of the texture of his fur. It was smooth and growing in a similar direction for three movies, and now it's super coarse and messy

"You should never sign a contract with Rumpelstiltskin." Not Donkey having more common sense than Shrek HAHA

"You gonna have to take me to dinner first." I will take this as Donkey coming out as bisexual

"Fate has delivered us a comrade-in arms and for that we are thankful." The implication that Ogres do have a society and Shrek just chooses to never interact with them bc HIS FAMILY is the only one who loves terrorizing is VERY FUNNY

I love how Shrek also seems to be one of the smallest Ogres. Little man

I thought the idea of Fiona staying an Ogre was for her to subvert the beauty standard (which like, another conversation, 'cause she looks fine as an ogre) but they had to make a point of her being a sexy warrior ogre HAHA:

(I can see why this film didn't do that well with audiences)

Why is Fiona the ONLY female ogre? Where are the women!!

"Well, I see who wears the chainmail in your family," said Donkey, both correct about Fiona's fighting prowess and unaware that his wife is a Dragon ten times his size

Took me a sec to realize why the water would be threatening to the witches kjhgjghjgh (not poison, just dealing with Dorthy Dousing Disease)

OHHH Cookie is an Ogre who loves cooking, I had wondered about that in the Shrek trivia

"Shrek, do my babies have hooves or talons?" Donkey is SO excited to be a father!! I love that for him

Lmao @ them suggesting Shrek stresses Puss into being physically fit with the fights he causes

"[Candy]'d work on me." I guess there is another woman Ogre, but not with a scanty outfit! Only Fiona gets Ogregectification

I do love the falling in love while sparring. Couples MMA league:

I love that Puss in Boots is immediately Team Shrek/Fiona

"You are a catastrophe." "And you, are re-donkulous." [Shared laughter] Hahaha I like that the only obstacle in Puss and Donkey's friendship was they needed to meet sooner to avoid the competition for Shrek's attention

"I can't believe I let this happen, and it's all because of you." In fairness to Shrek, no one could see inside the carriage

They spent the entire animation budget on this frame of Puss in Boots:

I do like them subverting the expectation that just a kiss would solve their problems when love is what they need

"Then where were you, when I needed you?" Thinking of ways to become an absentee father

"Please stay tuned for a message from our tyrannical dictator." I wish all political announcements were this honest

There is something fun about the circling back to Shrek 1 Mob

"If your life was so perfect, why'd you sign it all away to Rumpelstiltskin in the first place?" "Because I didn't know what I had until it was gone, alright?!" Fiona even reminded you! Get some therapy Shrek

"What are you talking 'bout, cracker?" I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY GOT AWAY WITH PUTTING THIS IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE (point of clarification: It was said to the Gingerbread Man)

DID PUSS IN BOOTS JUST KILL GINGEY???? AH?????

"I'm just a frightened old man." "Don't listen to him, these Ogres are crafty." "That is your father painted green." Pinocchio finally gets his revenge on his dad for selling him to the Duloc Guards hahahaha

Shrek giving up his freedom to save the other Ogres 😭😭😭😭😭😭

"Nobody's smart but me," said Rumpelstiltskin, while leaving the only two people who could break his spell together to fall in love:

HAHAHAHAA how could they have Trojan Horse'd Rumpelstiltskin SO QUICKLY after being freed?? It is the SAME NIGHT, 2 MOVIE MINUTES LATER:

"I'll call you! We're in love." If there's one thing Donkey is willing to do, it's commit to the bit

I love that the way they keep Dragon at bay is both a callback to the first movie and a callback to the phrase Fiona has tied knots with throughout the movie. A rare moment of good writing it in this funny little movie

I guess in lieu of Shrek's other friends knowing him, it's an Ogre-only revolution

"Looks like we're having curly-toed weirdo for breakfast." So ogres eat ogres AND people. Four movies for someone to confirm it explicitly!!

"You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with all over again." A very sweet reflection about a problem Shrek caused himself

Lillian is genuinely so accepting of her bizarre family 💞 She doesn't care if she married a frog or if her grandkids are ogres

I can't believe they saved two of the best soundtrack songs and this fun character montage of moments throughout the series for the end credits!

Overall, I would say I prefer the first three Shrek movies (and especially the first two) but if they put out another one, I would probably watch it LOL

[ineffablelunatic]

@oddsydviscous, @thattransboyaled and I have made a fabulous Ghosts highschool AU!

Thomas: Massive theatre kid, is a member of the drama club and is in every play, plays the acoustic guitar in a sappy band. He carries a satchel full of poetry and writes with an actual calligraphy pen. He has a new crush every week.

Kitty: Eats lunch in the art block every day, has had a long-term secret crush her entire time at the school. He's actually some hapless guy in one of the years above who's never spoken to her, but she's convinced herself that they're in love. Really she just wanted to have a crush, rather than actually liking him. She and Thomas are best friends.

Humphrey: Always hangs out in the library with his nose in a book, massive English nerd (the subject, not the nationality). He runs the school magazine and he's very, very shy.

Captain: Also a theatre kid, although less outrageously so, plays the trumpet in the marching band. He's the one who plays the song at the start of every Remembrance Day assembly. CCF Squadron leader. Good at languages. Also on the fencing team and joint head of the cricket team.

Mary: Hopelessly shy, almost never talks unless she's picked on by a teacher, everyone is shocked if she actually speaks. She runs the gardening club, which has a small but loyal group of members. Sometimes she bakes cookies for her close friend group.

Pat: Joint Head of the student council, also Head Boy. He runs a lot of clubs. Nobody is quite sure how he manages to attend all of them. He's not necessarily popular, but nobody actively dislikes him - after all, he's hard not to like. Except for the teachers, that is - no real reason, he gets good grades, but he talks to anyone who's next to him, no matter how many times they move him.

Julian: Typical bad boy. Poor attendance, throws parties every weekend, sticks gum under the desk, vapes in the Maths block toilets. He and Robin sell sweets behind the bike sheds. He has a lot of special offers on, but only if you're cool enough. He's also obscenely rich, but he just wants the money for extra pocket change.

Robin: Physics nerd, struggles with English. He does Julian's homework for him (he blackmails Julian into paying a fiver for each piece, or else he'll snitch). The two of them dominate the chess club. They essentially have an underground black market for contriband going. Somehow they haven't been caught yet.

Fanny: Head girl, Joint Head of the Student Council. Not very popular. She's the teacher's pet and enforces all the rules, even though it's not her job. Everyone hates her, but she gets good grades, especially in Maths. She doesn't really try in any other subject. Always telling people to tuck their shirts in and stop talking. All the Year 7s are scared of her. Her and Pat organise the discos, and she loves textiles class.

Alison: The beloved student counselor and head of Pastoral Care. The students always go to her for help, partially because she keeps a bowl of sweets on her desk. She also teaches PSHE, and she has a lot of pride flags on her wall. She's really into art, and she met Mike by sitting next to him on an art course. Lets kids do mindful colouring the day before their exams.

Mike: The PE teacher who's nice enough, but he's always on his phone and doesn't let you wear a jacket, even when it's freezing cold and he's wearing a scarf. Still, all the students like him. He'll let you sit off sport if you don't feel up to it.

Havers: Transferred mid-year, was very close with Captain before he left. Basically the only person Captain spoke to. He was one of those kids that everyone knows but nobody has a strong opinion on. He also hung out in the library a lot. He struggled with Maths, French and Spanish but was good at most other things. Very sporty - head of the cricket team alongside Captain, fastest runner, on the table tennis team. Captain is good at languages and liked to tease him about it.

Annie: A student from the Catholic school down the road who taught Mary to speak up for herself a little more. She bunks off school to hang out with Mary. She's in the year above, and so she goes off to university before Mary, but they still call each other a lot, and she comes back to visit.

Bonus info: Pat and Fanny became joint heads of the Council because it was a tie. Pat wanted to do Rock, Paper, Scissors but Fanny said it was undignified. Fanny is also somehow on the PTA, despite not being allowed.

Alison plays music in class and has fairy lights in her office. She takes her class outside for walks in the summertime - but only if they want to go, otherwise they can just sit outside. She passively talks about feminism when the class are doing something boring, punishes those straight boys for the smallest things because she knows how they act around other people. Gets kids to write other things they could say instead of swearing.

Alison's screensaver on her work computer is a wholesome meme. Julian regularly hacks into the school system, although he needs Robin's help to do it. Sometimes he changes his grades using that method. If he does too well in Drama or Art he lowers them so he looks cooler. If he has negative housepoints he removes them and replaces them with positive ones.

[corrodedcoughin]

Modern no upside down AU where Steve becomes a firefighter because it’s self indulgent and I need it. fair warning I have no idea how to become a firefighter

After his senior year of high school, Steve’s parents cut him off. They’d graciously let him live at home still, but since he didn’t get into any of the fancy colleges his father wanted him to study business - he’d have to get a job. Learn some work ethic. Learn humility. Learn this his father provides, and his father can also take away. His mother looks at him sadly, but doesn’t say anything.

Him and his coworker Robin stay late doing inventory and cleaning before they lock up when the mall catches fire. They were supposed to have done it during the day, taking turns manning the counter. But Dustin bursts in with an “emergency” and it successfully distracts Robin and him enough that they have to stay late. If they don’t get it done they’re done. No one knows that they’re there. They were supposed to have cashed up and left hours ago. The only people in the mall should be security and the people at the movie theatre.

And then the building’s on fire and the alarm system isn’t working as it should and someone needs to take charge and get them out and he guesses that it’s him. Steve doesn’t think about it, he just knows it’s an emergency and knows people need to get out. Robin’s trying not to panic and sort of failing, so something in Steve switches and he takes charge. He’s calm. He’s trying so hard to keep his breathing in check.

He saves Robin. He protects Dustin. He makes sure Erica is safe. He gets them all out and uses his lifeguard first aid training to help the wounded. Billy dies. Hopper gets hurt. Bad.

One of the firefighters asks him if he has any training. He says just first aid. They tell him he has a real knack for this. Has he ever thought about being a first responder? So he goes through EMT Training, and the fire academy and then he’s a firefighter. Working in a big station in Indianapolis, living in an apartment with Robin while she continues to study and research and write and do whatever she wants to do.

Eddie grew up in Indy. Moved there with his Uncle Wayne after all that shit with his dad went down. He dealt, he got into trouble, he tried to help Wayne as much as he could. Eventually he got a real job, working in a hole in the wall music store, performing with his band whenever he can. Moved into a shitty apartment with Gareth, Jeff, and the unnamed band member; where they blast metal and eat pizza and stay up late playing xbox and playing DnD.

They know he’s gay, so for Christmas one year Gareth gets him their local fire station’s sexy firemen calendar. 12 full months of local hot firemen posing shirtless with puppies and kittens from a nearby shelter. Gareth jokes about how Eddie’s so single, maybe this can help give him a helping hand. Eddie glares at him as Gareth laughs his ass off. Eddie threatens to put the calendar up in their kitchen. It takes a couple of drinks before he admits that Mr July is Exactly his type. Hot as fucking hell.

Styled and swoopy brown hair, strong jaw, plump lips, thick chest hair; and holding a tiny black kitten. He doesn’t know whether he wants to hold him down and lick his chest, or let Mr July pin him to the side of the fire truck and kiss him senseless. Or both. Definitely both.

Steve’s fellow fire-fighters wolf whistle at him when they find he made July. Everyone knows the hottest people get the hottest months. He buys Robin a copy for Christmas who fake gags but supports him endlessly (and he decidedly does not mention the sexy photoshoot and calendar to Dustin and his Nerd Squad, who promptly find out anyway.) They request a copy so they can make fun of him (and support the station, I guess.). Dustin says its weird seeing his Brother all sexy and shit. Max, and El look at each other and giggle. Will gets all shy.

Time passes, and months later the Sexy Fireman Calendar is in fact up in Corroded Coffin’s kitchen. It’s slowly become their main calendar for keeping track of shows, DnD games, vacations and other random apartment shit. One evening they’re fucking around at home doing not much at all. Jeff is plucking out tunes on his bass. Gareth and the other one are playing the laziest game of Go Fish on a ratty deck of cards. And Eddie is scrolling through Tinder. Fucking sue him.

He falls off the couch when he sees who pops up. Thrusting his phone in the guys faces because fuckiNG LOOK HOLY SHIT. And it’s Mr July himself. Steve. They all hunch over Eddie’s phone to look at his profile together. There’s a photo of him outside in some garden, sunglasses on his head, wearing a summery button up in a pastel pink colour. It has tiny ice cream cones on it (Robin bought it for him). His eyes shine when he smiles and there’s a perfect swoop of hair falling into his face. A photo of him and some teen with curly hair, him wearing a soft yellow sweater as they smile into the camera. A photo of him wearing a worn grey tshirt that has the Indianapolis Fire Department’s logo over one pec. He’s posing next to the fire truck itself.

Eddie swipes right and it’s a fucking match.

MOMO!!! COME BACK!!! I actually got really sad when I got to the end of this. I really was so completely absorbed and was ready for a full on story. Regardless of if you want to continue this, I absolutely adore it. I’m posting instead of if answering privately becuase I NEED other people to see this and fall in love with it too

[whataboutmyfries]

Take my breath away

Boy oh boy did the inspiration hit me like a freight train, i wrote the previous post and went into my notes app where i found this little gem of an idea, and naturally it fit prompt 13 on the details for fictional kisses prompt list so here we are!!! reads a little bit like crack and it's also completely un beta-ed so we die like men.

cw: sex, mature content, and painfully cheesy nerd jokes.

enjoy!

13. pulling your lover closer by the waistband

~

It wasn’t often that Remus Lupin contemplated the sanity of his decisions. This, however, might be a record for the charts, his piece de resistance, even. Two weeks ago, Remus had decided to introduce his woefully ignorant boyfriend to the masterpiece that was the Top Gun movie. (after all, what gay could resist Tom Cruise on that bike?) It wasn’t Sirius’s first rodeo, so the wonder of muggle films had long since faded. But the passion in Remus’s voice and the flush on his cheeks when he spoke of the movie had him intrigued. 

And so, two weeks ago, on a pleasant Tuesday night, Remus had found himself looking at the two most stunning men in his life (nay, the world, dare he say) meet as Sirius watched the screen, enthralled. Sirius had laughed and gasped in all the right places, vowing to learn how to play ‘danger zone’ on the guitar if it killed him. Remus had laughed, and tucked his boyfriend into his side as they walked away from the theatre; a date well spent. 

Skip to two weeks later when he was prepared for the wrath of his ancestors for the horrific, grievous crime he’s committed. 

Remus walked into the garage to see Sirius sprawled casually on his motorbike, looking like a wet dream come to life. He’d barely had time to take in the aviators and the leather jacket (where the fuck did he find all the patches? Remus had been looking for those for ages.) before his knees buckled as the onslaught of ohmygodmyboyfriendlookslikesexonlegs hit and Remus stumbled a little. 

The light of the open garage door made every feature starker, from the strong line of his jaw, to the shallow dimple when he smirked at Remus. Oh the bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. For all his dry wit and sarcasm, Remus couldn’t think of a single clever thing to say as he looked at the lovechild of his two soulmates come to life. 

Tom Cruise, wherever you are, I thank you for baby gays everywhere. And whatever gods of gay dropped this specimen in my lap, I don't know which one of you I sold my soul to, but THANK YOU.

“Like what you see Moons?” 

“Jesus Christ.” 

“Aw shucks, it’s just Sirius to you sweet cheeks” 

Sirius kicked his leg off the handlebars, putting both feet on the floor as he looked at Remus. 

“What? Dog got your tongue?” 

“That’s not the expression and you know it.” Remus mumbled, his brain short circuiting too hard for him to come up with any sort of witty retort. 

Sirius laughed, leaning forward to tuck his fingers into the waistband of Remus’s jeans and tug him closer. Remus went easily, too stunned to do anything other than stare. Sirius’s thumbs sat warm against his skin and Remus shivered at the contact. Sirius smirked, taking away a hand to push the aviators into his hair. 

Remus couldn’t decide if looking him in the eye was better or worse. The roguish grin, the slight tilt of his head, the fucking leather jacket. He was about ninety percent sure his brain was broken.

Naturally, Remus did what any sane person in his place would do, and he leaned forward to kiss his (impossibly hot) boyfriend. Sirius made a satisfied little sound against his mouth and Remus leaned further into the space between Sirius’s legs, sliding his hands under his boyfriend’s shirt to get at bare skin. 

“God, the things you do to me.”

Remus felt Sirius’s smile against his lips. “Well, a man’s gotta keep you interested, don’t I? I saw the way you looked at ol’ Tom in that theatre Moons, I’m hurt.”

Remus huffed a laugh, tangling his fingers in Sirius’s hair and dragging him closer. “Well he’s not the one I’m about to blow, is he?”  

Sirius pulled back just a little at that, looking very dishevelled as he gaped at Remus. “Oh god, Yes yes yes yes, close the fucking door.” 

“Whatever you say, Mav.” 

Remus didn’t miss the way Sirius’s breath hitched and he smirked as he reached for his phone, fumbling to find the app, barely pushing the button before shoving the damn thing back in his pocket. 

He surged forward, pushing Sirius against the bike as he kissed and kissed and kissed him, hands roaming across every inch of skin they could reach. Sirius gasped into Remus’s mouth when he leaned down to hitch Sirius’s knee against his hip, grinding his hips down into Sirius’s, making the both of them moan. 

“Moons, ah— Moony.”

“Going to come for me, Mav? Going to let me suck your cock?” 

Sirius groaned, tightening his grip in Remus’s hair, kissing him sloppily. “Oh god, anything you want, Moons, anything.” 

Remus’s grin was nothing short of feral as he dropped his head to the curve of Sirius’s neck, sucking and biting as he shoved the leather jacket off his shoulders. He pulled away for all of a second to take Sirius’s shirt off, leaning in again to bite and kiss at every inch of skin he could reach. 

Sirius’s boot dug into the back of  his thigh when he pushed him back to suck a nipple into his mouth, grazing his teeth over it, before using his tongue to soothe the hurt. 

“Remus, fuck, Remus please—” 

Remus hummed, dropping to his knees as he trailed kisses down Sirius’s torso, making quick work of his belt and jeans. He looked up at Sirius, utterly debauched 

“Great balls of fire, baby” 

Sirius barked a laugh between his gasps for breath. “Moony you did not just—oh my god” 

Remus smiled around Sirius as he sucked him deeper into his mouth, groaning when Sirius’s hands tightened in his hair. He rubbed soothing circles onto Sirius’s hipbone with a thumb, hollowing out his cheeks as he took him deeper. 

“Moons, ah— Moons, slow down, or this is going to end very fast.” 

Remus pulled off with a smirk. 

“I got a need for speed, darlin, need for speed” 

Sirius groaned at that, half exasperated, half laughing, “Re, you need to stop doing that—fuck”

Remus hummed, swallowing around the head of Sirius’s cock as he took him back into his mouth, sucking him off languidly. He reached up to flick at a nippled, smiling as it made Sirius twitch in his mouth. 

“Fuuuuck,” Sirius groaned, “You’re going to be the death of me.” 

Remus breathed through his nose as Sirius hit the back of his throat, his hands tightening in Remus’s hair as he let out a choked gasp. 

“Re, Re, fuck, I’m gonna—” 

Remus hummed his encouragement, sucking hard, swallowing every drop that Sirius spilled down his throat.” 

“Moony, c’mere, Jesus Christ, get up here.” 

Sirius tugged Remus to his feet with frantic hands, grasping at hair and clothes and arms as he tugged him in for a kiss, hard and bruising. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you so much” 

Remus smiled, wrapping his arms around Sirius’s waist to pull him in closer. 

“Love you too, Mav, so much” 

Sirius ducked, burying his head in Remus’s neck as he chuckled. “Who knew Tom Cruise could get a man so riled up?” 

Remus laughed, running his fingers through Sirius’s hair. “Hmmm, we should watch The Mummy next time.” 

[spartanexperience]

ANYWAY HERES WONDERWALL aka assorted Borethyia headcanons

- Orithyia's a hyperfocusing nerd. Once they get a heureka moment, she'll spend the whole night in their lab calculating alchemistical formulas, adding one magic substance after another to the potion brew. Sometimes, during thunderstorms, she'll climb up to the top of the mountain to hold up a metal pole, to gather energy from Zeus' lightning. How they're still alive is a miracle.

- She's like Basil of Baker Street in the sense that when failure happens, Orithyia gets absolutely depresso espresso and slumps down to their chair like "existence is a lie". Pride is their hubris, lord help them

- Boreas once came back from a 2-day trip of spreading snowstorms in Anatolia, and saw Orithyia STILL awake, furiously jotting down research notes despite having pulled 2 allnighters in a row. Needless to say he basically carried her on his shoulder like a bean bag to the bed like "YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP N O W!!!!!" while Orithyia was squirming and screeching like a wet cat LMAO

- (He is already anxious that his beloved is a mortal who is probably kicking the bucket in 50 or less years. He doesnt want Orithyia to drop their lifespan down even more with reckless health choices)

- Boreas is a proud sapiosexual and wants to get railed silly every time he hears Orithyia call his windstorms a "thermodynamical atmospheric occurrence" (He's a bottom in my hcs. I saw his one episode of screentime in Spartan Experience and made the logical conclusion "yeah only a bottom talks like that" LMFAO)

- He is the Ancient Greek equivalent of a film/literature snob who consumes religiously Amphitheatre plays and poetry, and will rant to Orithyia for hours about how that one Oedipus adaptation in Corinth's theatre missed entirely the point of the tragedy, and that the manga was better. Orithyia's ears are only hearing VHS record buzz, but she's lovestruck every time to hear Boreas ramble about the stuff he is passionate about

- The two of them bicker like an old married couple. VERY OFTEN. Orethyia gets ticked by Boreas' pompous arrogance and Boreas gets ticked by Orethyia's sassy attitude. Tho deep down they both love the banter LMAO

- Boreas is a rather cold creature to hold - of course, being the god of winter and cold wind. However he's very soft and squishy, and Orithyia LOVES giving caresses to his chin, neck, etc. (sometimes by surprise, just to catch him off guard lmao) because his touchstarved ass melts entirely, and he enjoys resting his head in his nerdy human datemate's lap. When she starts playing with his whooshy hair, he combusts. He's a snobby prideful bitchass but that facade disappears entirely around Orithyia.

- Orithyia knows it and WILL tease him to hell and back about it. "Would you look at that... The ruthless north wind, helpless in a mere human's hands.... 😏😏😏💕💕💕" Boreas growls and mutters something about "Shut upppp...." but enjoys it. WAAAAY too much

- If she REALLY wants to go out on their way and rizz Boreas up, they start quoting poetry and plays that she memorized. Whispering it straight to Boreas' ear. "Pyramos, Pyramos, wherefore art thou??" Boreas lets out a whimper and blushes madly, closing his eyes in bliss. “Alas, the Love that falleth like a flood, / Strong-winged and transitory: / Why praise ye him? What beareth he of good / To man, or glory?” Boreas deflates like a balloon, is soft putty in her arms and probs wants to be fucked RIGHT NOW

- However he's aware that his touch is cold, and Orithyia can't possibly feel very comfortable while holding him. It makes him feel guilty - everything in his cloudy villa is freezing cold, and while he is VERY proud about his title as the cold, cruel North Wind, sometimes he wishes he could be like Hades or Apollo who radiate fire and warmth.

- One more reason why Orithyia wants to become immortal!! She wants to be able to fully cuddle up in Boreas' arms, without having to take a break every now and then to warm themselves up. (According to mythology, Orithyia later becomes the goddess of snow and mountain winds, but I don't wanna go to that route too easily in my Borethyia content. Plus I think Zeus doesn't hand out the God cards to mortals without a good enough reason LMAO so Orithyia def wants to first pursue with hard work all the ways they could be with Boreas eternally - either by reaching immortality or by becoming a hero and going to Elysium.)

- Insecurity is THE word when it comes to Boreas - he hides it behind his arrogant selfcentered attitude, but deep down he wonders often if Orithyia only likes him because they have not met anyone better yet. When she and Boreas met, Orithyia was the miserable, lonely housewife of the Athens politician, and they were only able to practice science in secrecy because their husband thought that a wife's place is at home. She fell in love with Boreas, the fascinating north wind that would swoop over Athens during winter to send windstorms - perfect for her secret meteorological research. But over time, Orithyia also came to love his snooty but adorably passionate and secretly soft, caring personality. However, what if they met other gods who were waaay nicer and easier persons to deal with?? Or gods forbid, an actual fellow human??

- He sometimes berates himself: WHY did he have to descend to Athens on that fateful day, when he spotted Orithyia reading about metrorology on their own balcony? If he had never gone to Athens, this would have never happened...and then, he feels another wave of guilt and self beration. What else was Boreas supposed to do, than save her away to the mountains? If he had never met her, they would still be with that cruel wretch of a husband!! He could never let that happen to his lovely Orithyia, who had so many dreams to pursue as a scientist.

- The best thing he could do, is to help her pursue the life of her dreams. Boreas actively tries to look for more scrolls, science equipment etc. that he can bring to Orithyia, during his travels around the Hellenic world. No matter if he will be soon left alone again once Orithyia dies inevitably, he wants her to at least have the best possible mortal life. Their happiness matters the most - to see that bright bucktoothed smile on her face.

- Orithyia, being the smart nerd that they are, notices what Boreas is doing and gods...their heart is so soft, grateful tears are in their eyes. They pull Boreas to deep passionate kisses, not caring how cold his lips feel against hers.

- Boreas is not the TOXIC kind of jealous boyfriend, but he can get possessive out of fear of abandonment, and glare at other gods who shoot looks at Orithyia. When he hears that Orithyia is gonna go and hang out with his other wind siblings to ask them about their powers, Boreas straight up starts manifesting a cranky hailstorm around him, and shoots menacing death glares at (a very confused) Zephyrus the whole time. Since he knows Zephyrus is a kind, gentle wind who's had many mortal and god partners, and is way more popular at Olympus. Orithyia notices, and snaps at Boreas about it, to stop being mean to his own little brother. Cue the two of them having an old fashioned couple fight, while Notus and Eurus watch with popcorn and play bets on who wins the argument SDJFJSKKS

- At least they can both agree that Sparta sucks

- (In my hcs, Boreas' father Astraeus aka Eos' first husband, was very close to his first son. But once the Titanomachy caused a rip in the fabric of the Aether, Astraeus decided to merge with the Chaos, to power up the starry space with his life force, so the world can keep existing. Basically, he sacrificed his own life. Out of all of Eos' children, Boreas was the most traumatized from losing his dad: death hits hard when you're immortal. So he isolates himself emotionally, and doesn’t let himself get attached to people. LET ALONE mortals. He stayed away when Eos romanced Tithonus and never warmed up to the mortal prince. And now, ARES of all people is trying to take Astraeus' place. So Boreas is pissed. He is the ruthless north wind anyway - it's his nature to destroy, not cherish. Let alone love!! Except oops, Eros pulled a pro gamer move on him and Orithyia)

- in contrast, Orithyia gets jealous and insecure easily too. She knows they're not a looker of a human - they're a scrawny little nerd with buckteeth and inexistent curves. Why would Boreas even look at their way?? Out of pity?? What exactly does he find so attractive in them? Orithyia often overachieves with their scientific research so they could impress Boreas and make him proud, even though the god of north wind already adores them more than anything. (Having a history of being in an abusive marriage with a husband who constantly belittled her doesn't help. Someone get the god of psychology, because these both need serious therapy JDJDKALLS)

- On a lighter note, Boreas may act like a pompous snob amongs the gods, but Orithyia pulls out his playful side. Occassionally, at the mountains, Orithyia catches him off guard by throwing a snowball at his back. Boreas grins evilly, and launches a whole ass barrage of snowballs that bury Orithyia into a snow pile LMFAO

- Remember the ending of Spartan Experience when Boreas was trapped inside a gigantic metal pipe? Yeah, once Herc yeeted his ass away, Orithyia found Boreas and spent several days in shenanigans trying to find ways to break their boyfriend free LMFAO (eventually they settled with melting the metal by using a red hot steel bar and caused a mountain fire by accident)

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s3 ep8: Future's End pt 1

Yay I'm so happy to get to this one! I love time travel stories, and this is so much fun. The weird thing is, I remember very well when this first aired, thinking it was so exciting to see a Star Trek crew in a modern setting, but looking at it now, I feel ancient, because it's a period piece now! It's 1990s a-go-go! I'm forcibly jolted back to watching this in middle school, and remembering my room full of Beanie Babies, listening to the Spice Girls, changing from my school backpack to a much cooler, tinier backpack to go with my friends to the mall, and talking to my one friend who watched Voyager about how cool this episode was, and what did we think would happen in the second part, and didn't the observatory girl from this episode have the cutest daisy belt?!

There's just so much silly, fun, fish-out-of-water comedy in this, it never fails to amuse me. Time paradoxes are great, and the blending of finding technology from the Federation's future in the past is clever, but honestly, this episode is about Starfleet characters interacting with 20th century pop culture. Janeway in her white Hilary Clinton-esque pantsuit! Neelix and Kes getting hooked on soap operas! (They are so bored on that ship, I swear they need some community theatre or orchestra or something like they had on the Enterprise to keep them all from going insane.) Tom being a nerd about history, and getting things adorably wrong! (Though I would argue that his use of 'groovy' was actually cool in '96, since all things 60s were experiencing a revival, and I distinctly remember my friends and I decorating a supply box at school with little flowers and peace signs and the words 'peace & love' and 'groovy'. Clearly, the Voyager writers had not caught up with tween girl slang, lol.) But actually, I love that Tom gets to impress a girl with actual science, rather than just hitting on her like a jerky dudebro. It's very sweet, I'm so proud! (And we learn he majored astrophysics at the Academy, which somehow surprised me- he has such strong 'just some guy' energy that sometimes it's easy to forget that he's actually smart!)

Tuvok and Tom being sent on an away mission together is such a great odd couple combo, Tuvok is basically babysitting the kid with adhd in that situation, and watching him attempt to keep his cool is also funny and adorable. I love how Janeway just enables Tom too- when she told him to do what he had to do to get to the observatory, it's like um. Captain. you know you just gave Tom permission to steal a car, right?? And then he totally does steal a car!! They are such chaos gremlins! Tuvok truly does not get paid enough to wrangle his crewmates. (Also, how does Tom know how to drive?! Sure, he's studied cars and all, and might understand the general idea, but like, how does he know what the actual road rules are?! Has he ever driven a car in an actual city before?? There's no road signs in space, he would have no idea what, say, a no turn on red sign means! And they're in LA traffic, no less! And why would Rain give him the keys to her van when they're being shot at?! They met ten minutes ago! She should have been driving!! And how does Tom know what a test drive is?? They don't have cars in the 24 century! Unless maybe they have shuttle dealerships?? Can you test drive a shuttle?? Are they like 'yeah, you can take it as far as Saturn to get a feel for how the impulse engines perform'? lmao I guess Tom's amazing driving skills are just one of those things we have to just go with!)

And Harry gets left in charge of the bridge!! Baby's first command!! When Janeway comes back and tells him he did a good job, his little smile is so sweet!! Dammit Harry, you're too cute!!

One of the few things I thought didn't work was having Janeway and Chakotay clutching their pearls over seeing people with mohawks and pink hair on the boardwalk. Really?? They're in Starfleet, they see actual alien species all the time! They literally have people who are straight up blue-skinned on their ship, do you think they'll be shocked by regular humans with dyed hair?! Are they seriously trying to tell us everyone dresses conservatively and wears beige in the 24th century? Please! Starfleet Headquarters and the Academy are both in California- don't tell me Californians aren't still weird in the future! They'd have seen people dressed like that before, c'mon.

But anyway, the villain being a self-centered, thieving corporate exec is still timely, and it's super funny seeing Voyager get caught on someone's camcorder flying over Los Angeles, they did a good job making those effects shots look authentic. There's just so much good stuff, I'm enjoying the hell out of this one, and excited for part 2!

Tl;dr: A fun, fast-paced fish-out-of-water time travel story, with lots of comedy and great character moments.

[neriyon]

top 5 npcs! :3

Starting with the hardest one right off the bat haha

Hilda Had to think about this one for so long since there were so many options (twins, multiple elf men, certain bnnnuy..) but I decided to go with Hilda because she's the first "best girl" in the game for me. I don't even have proper propaganda on why I like her, just that I saw her during HW and immediately went heart eyes at her. ^^' Poor girl doesn't get enough love, being mostly sidelined by the story, but every time she appears (as art on dash or in a quest) my day is a little better.

Emet-Selch I kinda debated on putting him as 3rd but eh, he'll get to be 4th. I originally did not care for the rat man too much, which in hindsight is hilarious - when have I not liked an overly dramatic antagonist whose so tired and done™ but still keeps doing things like he's on a theatre stage at all times? Emotional hurt (both from him and us) was a delicious bonus.

Zenos People are really divided on him, but I ended up liking him a lot. Strong enough to beat WoL twice? Like thrice the size of my min height catboy? Only has eyes for WoL and keeps spouting poetic (and weirdly romantic) lines about how much he wants you two to fight? Good stuff.

G'raha Tia Beloved catted boy... Goofy nerd who means well and is just happy to help. His bratty attitude was fun, but it was the gap moe Exarch who eventually sold his character to me. Cool and mysterious leader first, only to clearly blush under his hood the second he gets to talk to you? Cuuuute~ Also the whole "if fate takes you away I'll figure out how to change it" thing, I'm very weak to those.

Hythlodaeus I actually really liked him back on ShB already. Somehow his ween woon voice and gentle demeanor just clicked right away. My new old friend.. Then they did the whole face reveal and he has lived rent free in my head since then. And that talk about Azem and Emet? He deserves to spend eternity happy with them.

(edit: hey guess what tumblr randomly reversed the numbers! hilda is supposed to be 5 and hyth 1, but apparently numbered list in reverse is too much for our beloved hellsite)