#i saw the newest alien movie for $5 and i was like WHAT A STEAL

[velvetwyrme]

transformers one is out now!!! have yuo watched it yet?? how was it?? c:

HI ANON i hope you dont mind that i kept this in my askbox for a couple days because I hadn't watched it yet (wanted to make sure I was No Longer Sick, because being sick in the cinema is Not Great) and also technically it hasn't released here yet,,,? BUT apparently they've got advance preview weekends for like. the same price so Obviously I went.

ANYWAY I HAVE WATCHED IT NOW AND IT WAS FANTASTIC!!!! THANK YOU FOR ASKING.

AHHHHHHHHHH hold on I've been talking nonstop about it for like the last. 4 hours. fucking help me. or dont. I love to chatter and will continue to do so under the cut shjfkgnwmbfks so if you count this, it'll end up nearing 6. I'm... probably going to talk about this as if you know the general premise of the movie, but if not. Google it. Or just go watch it!! (Can recommend) I talk too much to summarise it fhfjfbskdnfkf

Vague spoiler warning because I don't know what I'll talk about rhdjfbekntkr,,,,

Edit: If you've been following me for any amount of time, you know that when I say this got long, you really do have to believe me on that.

My mom liked it as well???? She came with me because I didn't want to subject any of my irl friends to my tf rambling and she didn't want me to go alone fbfkfbkd I thought she wouldn't, but SHE LIKED IT.

Okay so first off: going into the theatre, I was so so afraid that I was going to have the same thought I had after watching Puss and Boots: The First Wish, which was- "I REALLY liked that, and it would have been one of my favorite movies if I was still a child." (Still a really good movie!!)

BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THAT. I JUST REALLY LOVE THE MOVIE FULL STOP.

Anyway, onto my wild rambling.

The visuals were superb!! Gorgeous. No notes. Freaking amazing animation and character design and world design !!!!! I'LL COME BACK TO THAT I COULD YELL FOREVER ABT WORLDBUILDING. The characterisation is so so good, so tasty.

Also because I'm a huge honkin nerd...

The movie is largely focused on the dynamic between Orion Pax/Optimus Prime and D-16/Megatron, but the other characters also shine through really well, and they show off a lot personality even with the ones with very few scenes. Elita-One is a fucking delight I wanna kiss her!!!!!!! She's so cool and pragmatic and it SHOWS in what she does and how she acts. She IS better than you, and she knows it. Even Starscreams confident yet cowardly nature is shown with him lounging on a throne and slinking off after his fight with D-16, and he's barely there!!! RAHAGGHHH I love what you can do with characterisation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also my god this movie was funny. Even when the pacing is fast it's a GOOD fast. Comedic moments are used really well in this, and it flips smoothly between that and the more serious and heartfelt bits.

AND HRHFJFJDK okay so maybe its just my sense of humor, but I found Bee to be really really really funny. He's just like me for real!!! Talks too much, excited as HELL about everything!!!!!!!!! HE'S JUST LIKE ME. I also told my mom this and she was like. "Yes! He is jist like you!! He talks a lot. You would do the knife-hands thing. Also, you're wearing yellow." And. I was. I am. hrhfjfjfkkghdk 💛💛 Shockwave in this movie is ALSO very funny. He gets punched <3 Many other characters also get punched, but he complains about it. He reminds me somewhat of TF Animated Shockwave but less intimidating sgdjfbdjfbdmfbmd

Speaking of characters... Airachnid was so pretty. I love her design so much!!!! She's alien and COOL and I love her!!!!! She has so many eyes... (I'd ALSO love to know more about what her deal is. But... her lack of a motive/story is made up infinitely by strong screen presence and personality) Sentinel was ALSO very pretty and I loved seeing him on screen but I (spoilers) loved seeing him get ripped in half more. Those were LOVELY shots.

I brought my mini Soundwave along with me!! I liked Soundwave in the movie even if he didn't play a big part <33 The "there sure are a lot of waves" joke was VERY funny because I had the exact same thought moments before.

There are a LOT of cameos in the film and I kept going "AHHHHH [CHARACTER]". I get why they didn't add more as main characters- there were a loooooot of characters running around already, and only 2 hours!! Even so, I still wish we saw more of the other characters that cameoed (JAZZ!!!!!! MY BOYYYY!! I WAS SO SCARED THEY'D KILL HIM OFF) or had minor appearances because I just. I want to know what they'd do with the characterisation........ but that's what fanfic for for ig ehfjfhdk,,

And on the topic of lovely shots, theres a series of scenes near the end of the movie with no dialogue, only music and sound and. It's SO good. It's so impactful and beautiful and ausuaiaiurhrgh...

The whole movie is inherently sort of a tragedy since it's a prequel. We all know how it ends; what these characters become. But the build up to that is so SO good. I loved the character progression- D-16'S PROGRESSION TO BECOMING MEGATRON IS!!! AHHHHH!! I loved seeing him shift from one perspective to another and they made it believable.

His anger and betrayal giving way to violence- there's this one bit shortly after they are given the ability to transform where you See that violence in D-16 fir the first time, and it's shot so starkly in comparison to the other characters (who also fight to get away) and it's just like. Oh. There's the potential for something dangerous there.

It is so so interesting to me to see how that violence is framed in comparison to the others- all three of the other protags have their moments of violence- Elita-One is very very intimidating and used violence/threats to get her way, and Bee has this lightheartedness/innocence to his violence... Orion Pax is just. he's doing what needs to be done, he takes no joy from the destruction- he's fighting back, but I think most importantly all of them know when to stop.

There are the fights and punches that get thrown around, and then there is D-16 wailing on Starscream. Megatron RIPPING SENTINEL IN HALF. God that scene was good.

Anyway, sometimes in media a character goes through a Big Event that changes or breaks them, but here? There is no breaking point for D-16/Megatron. It's a slow spiralling descent and you see him taking one step after another, deciding to continue down this path. This is shown in a more literal way with his eyes slowly changing colour through the movie (fucking SICK SHOTS!!!!!!!) but there are a dozen more moments where you can see him decide who he is becoming.

IT WAS REALLY GOOD, I LOVE SHIT LIKE THAT.

And as audience!! Though we know this change is inevitable!! (This is an event in the past- the end of this is already written!!!) It's still tragic!! I feel for him!! I want him to keep getting back up in the face of Sentinel's cruelty!!!!!!!!!!

Orion watching his friend change, seeing them grow further apart... and he still hangs onto that hope right up until the end (and even after that!!!!!! He banishes him, because he will not kill him!!)

imo, they did Orion Pax/Optimus Prime really well in this one- he gets into a lot of trouble and it somehow works out. I think they do really well in making him feel down to earth in this- he's punchy and dynamic and has this unwavering respect for the people around him, but he's also good at being tricky and manipulative to get interesting outcomes that nobody else could have considered- he knows how people tick on an individual level and he knows how to use that. He thinks differently, and it's fantastic. Most importantly, Orion can see something nobody else can: a world where things are better.

Orion becoming Optimus... ough. aough. It's so!!!!!! AHHH. I loved all of the sequences that follow after. When his signature axe made an appearance I was so excited it was REALLY COOL. ALL OF IT WAS SO COOL.

The fight choreography is FANTASTIC and while it was a little messy at times (so much... going on........) it was fluid and dynamic and mwah mwah mwah I love it.

ALSO I SAID I'D YELL ABOUT WORLDBUILDING but this is really really long already so like. I'll keep it short as I can

The glimpses of the society that exists is FASCINATING to me. We don't get to see much of it, because our main characters are purely of the lower classes, so what's available to us is quite limited, but the class structure is INTERESTING to me. Unlike IDW, where form dictates function, this universe is driven (ha. ha.) on the idea that some Cybertronians can't transform (and thus work in the lower classes, as miners and waste management etc.) but as it turns out, (spoilers) they actually get their transformation cogs removed before they come online. And like... I can't help but wonder how they pick who gets that treatment?? Luck???? I'm dying to know.

ALSO I really like the Quintessons (sad they're not the the horrible five faced creature things. I wanna see the Weirdos!!!!) but I still think these fuck hard. They're really buggy and organic and cool (I adore their ship designs holy shiiiiiiiiit- just yesterday I was admiring all the bugs and monsters and crabby things in Guild Wars 2, and now THIS?? BLESSED.) And the CYBERTRONIAN DEER ARE COOL!!!!!!!!!! I like them. That's all. I wished we got to see more of the bio-mechanical parts of the planet...

AND AND THE PLANET ITSELF HOLY SHIT AHHHHHH!!!!! The city is gorgeous- the spires going up and down is mwah amazing. The roads and rails appearing/disappearing as they are used? PEAK. The MINES and the surface of Cybertron. They're shifting, moving, alive. I legit was staring slackjawed when they were in the mines- it's just SO COOL to watch!!!

OKAY. IM DONE NOW.

...

AUGH I want to watch it again. I probably WILL watch it again.

If you got all the way down here, thank you for reading (?!) and please tell me what YOU thought of it if you've seen it 🥺👀 Or if you're going to. I definitely recommend it.

[nobody-knose--archive]

i’ve been aching to commentate spirit phone’s commentary for ages. glad i finally got around to it, this was an ejoyable experience. liveblog below the cut

-i'm like half certain i've heard this commentary before. maybe not the whole way through & it was probably actual years ago

-nice hearing stuff like this. in-depth personal view of the album-making process. makes it seem like more of a real thing i could do myself someday

-neil cicierega real person momence

-i could probably go real in depth about neil cicierega/tally hall parallels specifically concerning like. the arc of their musical careers. but i won't, here

-wild how i legitimately don't care much about micheal jackson

-didnt we get a bunch of spirit phone stems from the needlejuice release/his patreon? we could probably hear the funny track he speaks of here in that

-i love hearing musical artists, especially neil cicierega, talking about the meanings of their songs. like, not only has this song been claimed to hell & back by the tumblr gays, but with later ones i just can't see where he gets these ideas from. also, claiming there's any one meaning or plot to a song just seems silly to me

-shoutout to neil reusing a midi from like, 1998, that he made at 12 years old, whose entire melody was reused for the main verses of everybody loves raymond. loved finding that out on my own 2 years ago. now it's common trivia in this fandom. not bad times

-it'd be neat if neil did individual trans tracks here like he did with view monstel, those things are half of why i consider it my favorite album

-it's a lot easier to ignore the creator's intended meaning behind a song when he can't even remember it. thanks neil

-seesaw effect

-and there's my joke all but 1 of my followers wont get. moving on

-what kinds of movie theater lobbies has neil been to where there are arcade machines. i mean im not one to talk but that does sound rather strange

-why do songs' titles even need to be taken from the lyrics. ive never seen that as any sort of requisite. it's like titling any form of prose you can just give it whatever name ya like

-"this part sounds pretty cool right"

-is neil's vocal range only mildly better than mine? with training i could change that

-oh i haven't processed any of the last 25 seconds hold on

-god. a shit ton of vocal modification in this song. it's like neil returned to his roots but with quality this time

-i, as an ace/aro, have never related more to an allohet guy in my life. what is the point of eyes!

-professional humming/whistling takes skill. it's different from the recreational or casual stuff. i'd know

-there's a name for the way sound (especially music) gets distorted when moving past you and i can't remember it but it's probably what neil's referring to here in the way he recorded the intro

(- update: it's the doppler effect no need to tell me cas already did)

-as someone who hasnt seen the rugrats or take me there by blackstreet i'll just say it sounded like a bouncy music box melody. nice to hear a song that messes with the typical scales though. lydian & diatonic.

-that's a rather specific thing to be glad about, but given what he talked about in his last full audio commentary about the jew harp i suppose i'm not surprised

-i know that tmbg song now. listened to it & saw the music video too. yep they're different alright

-where the hell does neil get all these instrumence from anyway

-huh. hadnt heard this part of the commentary before making my oc concerning this song but i like to hear neil's approval concerning part of my interpretation

-i love how ive heard a billion different tellings of this mellified man story from lem dem fans talking about this song and neil's is by far the wildest

-good god that does only make it worse neil

-i love making liveblogs of lemon demon albums. with the fullerenes or tally hall i cant name a specific dude to take out my woes on generally but with lemon demon i can just say neil all the time. i like being on a casual first name basis with this dude ive never interacted with once ever

-is sweet bod the one other than cabinet man with a demo in the bonus tracks? i forget

-holy shit the boston molasses disaster someone call up soapy if it doesnt already know, it'd love this

-two thousand nine. god i miss the fiddle solo. the ver with it is truly the best one

-he pronounces it jeff? i've always read it as gef with a hard g. that's what i get for knowing words that are never spoken aloud

-that's a fun meta interpretation of this ghost story that's over a century old. i like that

-i've noticed neil generally does the same synths across a whole album. it's especially more clear in the earlier ones, and does mean i occasionally mix up songs between clown circus & live from the haunted candle shop

-ah! ancient aliens! my least favorite track on this album. i cant even claim to have the least interest in a popular one i've just generally not liked this one much from the beginning. so im curious to see what neil's got to say, i think ive been in ~new commentary zone for a while now

-anyway. newest update on the loolin not realizing a song's funky time signature front: i think this one's in 6/4. or at least switches a lot between time signatures. granted i dont listen to it very often for the reasons stated above

-see the way neil describes it. eldritch horror upon being visited by the unknown at a time when humanity'd hadn't even yet had a chance to imagine such a thing occurring. should be right up my alley. but the sound itself & many of the lyrics simply turn me away.

-must i specify i don't dislike it? spirit phone is neil's best album it not being my favorite doesn't mean i think it's bad yadda yadda nobody should be surprised by this it's not like anyone in these fandoms reads my liveblogs <3

-granted i think this is. the first bit of spirit phone content i've made on my blog ever. so who knows things can change <3

-the transitions in spirit phone are much less view-monster transition tracks & more extended outros. view-monster's were a bit more intro than outro sure but they also seemed directed upon making a 2-way rather than 1-way bridge between tracks. or something like that

-.............soft fuzzy man is an incredible nickname for a cat. i'd steal that if i werent afraid of introducing my relatives to lemon demon

-jirls

-an underlying metaphor is good enough. the literal side of the lyrics are fun. nothing but agreement here neil my good man

-the transition into as your father i expressly forbid it from soft fuzzy man is the best one in this album

-buddy you ask if a musical idea has been used before odds are the answer is yes in this day & age the question is has it been used in the way you're using it. like sure this soul jazz record from the 60s that was sold out in kansas stores for a week used this bassline that youve found yourself copying. but seeing as youre using it in some angsty garage rock ballad type tune does anybody actually care

-doesn't everybody like to say things in an unhinged manner from time to time

-imagine having a guitar dad, i say, with my dad being a folk accordion/fiddle dad, which is infinitely worse in every way

-i think he was in an actual folk band at some point. idk the 90s were weird

-iron my life?

-m-more intimate? there are a lot of ways i'd describe this song but intimate isn't one of them. granted as your father is negatively intimate so from there i guess you've got nowhere to go but up

-...still glad to see his interpretation kinda supports my oc at least

-the way he says characters in songs shouldn't worry about death really strongly makes me think this is some sort of. thematic continuation of stuck from dinosaurchestra, even if there's no real death in there. interesting. would also mean that the dad from these past 2 songs is named carlos betty (no last name)

-i literally never assumed this was a flute solo. piccolo at best. it's pretty clearly a recorder

-my mom plays the recorder. i wonder if she can play recorder better than neil cicierega

-we can throw a party in honor of the crushing weight of responsibility! i simply won't be the one throwing it because i have enough on my plate already <3

-what the hell does "a sense of intent" mean

-i've never heard rush before however i disagree with neil's understanding of 6/4. 6/4 is meant to have emphasis (onbeat or another term i can't remember) on the 1st & 4th beat of every measure, which is greatly different from a measure of 4/4 then a measure of 2/4. it's why his 5/4 always sounds weird, because while it's recognizable in sequences of 10/4, it's more 2 measures of 4/4 with one of 2/4 tacked on the end. that's also how it's different from 3/4. i don't know much music theory but what i do understand i will fight to the death about

-"canonized" that's. a very interesting term to use when referring to a former president

-from now on i will interpret every love song directed at some unseen "you" to be inviting me to marry them for tax purposes. thanks neil for being an aromantic icon

-ah hell yes hell yes man-made object is my favorite goddam song on this album

-short & sweet & good damn vibes. neil's thoughts on it all are only making it better

-wild how he uses very few vocal effects for a song that he clearly is straining his vocal range for. go off neil

-the qualifier of man-made is a wonderful thing. oldest or biggest thing? oldest or biggest man-made thing? what a incredibly important specification. a world of possibilities lie between the two. oh i love it

-just gets me thinking yknow! what we consider weird/impressive in another species, in our own species- what kind of equivalent to that would there be from an outsider looking in? are there alien versions of the significances we place upon things, that we could never imagine? the limits of the human imagination mean we could never conceive of something else in the world that isn't, in some way great or small, just like us- and are we wrong for thinking that? such a juicy topic i wish there were a name for it because it's kinda hard to explain concisely

-spiral of ants. my second favorite song from this album, in fact. a good one to experience

-the vocals are just another instrument. they really truly are. i wasn't going into this commentary expecting to feel solidarity for neil cicierega in this chili's tonight on more than one occasion but here i am.

-like, his whole stance on interpreting songs is something i agree with almost entirely. you can take it at face value, you can dig to their very depths, you can listen to songs without caring what the lyrics mean whatsoever, and those are all fun. & yeah while any of these people can be annoying as one of the types who enjoys gliding on the surface more than anything i find those who dedicate themselves to figuring out the whole meaning of a song over anything else to be both slightly scary & slightly annoying <3 keep up the good work

-i want to make songs for my siblings the way neil makes songs for his sibling(s)

-spinch

-neil really shouldn't be allowed to be this funny like this whole album youre thinking golly! he's just a normal man this neil cicierega! and then he starts listing the cat hacks jokes & you remember he's had ridiculously consistent viral success with all his humorous endeavors and holy shit it's neil cicierega in action talking about his music. god bless you neil

-you're welcome, no problem, my pleasure. good eveternoon, radio audience!

[suiciderealestate]

Where does my mental illness end and my sense of self begin? I have known something is amiss with my mind for a long time and I have called my affliction by many names. But now in its newest iteration it is shifting slowly from Major Depression to Bipolar Depression, or, maybe more inclusively, Majorly Bipolar Depression. With the exception of vitamin assistance, I have been unmedicated for a few years. The last time I took medication it was Wellbutrin, which made me more manic than I have ever been in my life. At half of the prescribed dosage, I was throwing McChicken’s at my mother’s head, hiding in bushes at 24 years old, planning my self-managed exodus from Nashville to Los Angeles, and getting my license to serve alcohol — I passed the test with flying colors. When I consulted my GP about the mania resultant of my medication, she told me I might be bipolar. I have and had bipolar friends, and though they say birds of a feather flock together, I didn’t feel my symptoms matched the bipolar symptoms exhibited by some of my companions. Their mania was unmedicated. My mania was medicated. Clearly there was a difference. But I’ve since learned that there are two different kinds of bipolar. As my bipolar friend Meredith would say: You’re either Amanda Bynes bipolar (Bipolar 1) or Catherine Zeta-Jones bipolar (Bipolar 2 - Bipolar Depression). Amanda Bynes has since publicly stated that her erratic behavior from 2012 to 2016 wasn’t the result of a mental illness but the result of substance abuse and all the problems that come with it. But, as I’ve found, once a sicko always a sicko. And so while she may currently be in an upswing in her cycle from stability to chaos, it pains me to say that her future holds all the inevitability of her past. That’s just the way it is for people like us. We can stage a return. We can find success. But in reality we only ever really learn how to shove the thought patterns that haunt us under the carpet, close the curtains and muffle out the noise. But the noise never goes away. It’s always there. Whether the buzzing of your mind be plaintive or strident, the buzzing persists and it never goes away.

Today I called my mother to go down the usual lists of complaints: nobody loves me, my hair is falling out, and my body is a prison that makes my life a kind of perpetual Chinese water torture of the soul. A pragmatic, sensible woman, my mother rarely knows what to say. She doesn’t know how to give me advice on topics pertaining to romance because of my homosexual lifestyle; she doesn’t know how to talk to me about my emotional struggles because she has never had a history with mental illness (neither has my father, who is in many ways the same as her); and she doesn’t understand me when I ask her for help. At best, she says, she can let me move back into a home in Nashville with no rent other than the constant tax of corrosive misunderstanding. The comfort of my home in Tennessee is a tomb perfectly prepared for me to waste the rest of my days away in anticipation of my approaching demise. But I know that I have been dying for some time now. Decomposition comes in varying stages, and in this particular manifestation the rot has started first with my mind and will then work its way outward. It is not an uncommon way to go, and in my extended family there is a history of dementia. Dementia took the mind of my next-door neighbor Dan, a former engineering professor at Vanderbilt University who struggled to remember his loved ones or even who he was in the last years of his life. It took the mind of my paternal grandmother in her last days and rendered her final bouts of consciousness a public fever dream on perfect display for my family to see. I only heard whispers of it, being that I was young at the time of her death, but I remember visiting her in the nursing home and then the hospital, and I remember the smell of sterility and decay that lived easily alongside one another. I remember the first time I saw a dead body, one that belonged to a man who was only ever called “Uncle Ronnie” and who I had never actually met. To meet someone only after they are basted with formaldehyde is a curious thing. When I saw his pale corpse in the open casket, a corpse whose lifeless pallor, resistant to every cosmetic effort, must have startled other attendees at the wake, I felt nothing. I learned that even dead bodies are held to a standard of perfection, and even dead bodies often fail to meet those standards.

Even today I often think of Uncle Ronnie. I still remember his face, his black hair, his delicate features. I remember that all I’ve ever known of him is death. For me, that is his legacy: that he died and that of all seven billion people upon the face of the Earth, his corpse was the first I ever witnessed. For my mother, bipolar disorder seems to be a kind of little death. She once had a good friend named Jill. Jill was bipolar. She forged checks and stole from her employers. She used to babysit me once upon a time, and when I was only four years old she would let me watch graphic movies like “Alien,” in which aliens can only give birth by planting their seed in the body of a living being. When the alien finally gestates and is ready to be born, it simply bursts from the host’s body and leaves them to die in a mess of blood and fleshy pulp. I remember watching the cartoon “Ren and Stimpy,” and it was at that point in my life that I learned the aesthetic potential of the grotesque and macabre. I forsook companionship with children my age for others who were three to five years older than me. Even they said I was “warped,” because my knowledge of sex, profanity and vulgarity was more advanced than anything they had known at my age. I was exposed to cigarettes early, alcohol early, everything just a tad earlier.  I learned most of what I knew from other children at St. Henry’s School, a place my parents had desperately tried to get me admitted to. It took a little coaxing from a family relative, but after much reluctance I was admitted. Even at a young age, I wasn’t looked upon as a genius or even as someone with average potential. My great aunt Emily had to harass a priest at St. Henry until they decided to give me the formality of an admissions test. And once I proved lackluster at that, she had to harass him some more. Little did my parents know, I would be reared in a den of charlatans. And though my mother constantly reminds me that she didn’t raise me to exhibit the behaviors I am prone to, she unwittingly unleashed me into a realm of the most expensive sin money can buy.

For much of my early exposure I have Jill to thank. But Jill has cemented in my mother’s mind a stigmatized perception of people with bipolar disorder. God forbid her son should have a variation of it, so even now she is in denial. When I told her over the phone today that I believe I have bipolar 2, she said, in desperation, “But you don’t have any of the symptoms!” The symptoms, according to the most direct Google search, are as follows: 1) mood swings, sadness, elevated mood, anger, anxiety, apathy, apprehension, euphoria, general discontent, guilt, hopelessness, loss of interest, or loss of interest or pleasure in activities; 2) irritability, risk taking behaviors, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, crying, excess desire for sex, hyperactivity, impulsivity, restlessness, or self-harm; 3) unwanted thoughts, delusion, lack of concentration, racing thoughts, slowness in activity, or false belief of superiority; 4) depression, manic episode, agitated depression, or paranoia; 5) difficulty falling asleep or excess sleepiness; 6) weight gain or weight loss; and 7) fatigue or rapid and frenzied speaking.

Looking at all of these symptoms, I can’t help but think that all of this is simply innate to the human condition. But at the end of the day, I can only speak to my human condition. In this lifetime, I can speak to no one else’s. And yet, to feel that there is some possibility of error in my cognitive makeup, that I am broken with little hope of drugless repair, is to know that there is a part of me that will always be lacking. Today I told my mother that in the last two months I stole merchandise worth thousands of dollars during my seasonal employment at Bloomingdales. More troubling still is that every time I stole from Bloomingdales I was in a good mood. With this condition it just goes to show that both highs and lows are dangerous. If I’m in a bad mood I might kill myself, and if I’m in a good mood I might happily commit several felonies. You really never know.

When I reported all of this information to my mother in demonstration of the fact that perhaps I do embody the erratic behavior she associates with bipolar disorder, she insisted on getting off the phone. She made me promise I would never steal again, which I obliged to with fingers crossed, and then she hung up. It’s not that I want to steal again. It’s just that I can’t make promises I know I can’t keep. For my mother, bipolar disorder is not unlike a prison sentence or a death sentence. Jill disappeared, and we never saw her again. We didn’t hear from her. We didn’t hear about her. She just vanished. Sometimes I wish I could do the same. I wish I could just disappear from everyone’s life over and over again, constantly remaking myself until I finally crash and burn. But these days, with social media and all the rest, it just isn’t that easy. We are bound to who we are, until we aren’t. I hope my family can salvage some sense of understanding until that day comes. I know it’s a lot to ask. I hardly understand myself.

[echobasegazette]

Star Wars: A New Adventure

Two new Star Wars movies have been released since the last time that I wrote an article on my all-time favorite franchise, and I’ve decided that it is finally time to take a long hard look at the newest entries to the franchise and see if they really hold water.  

Several people have asked me why I never did a review on the two new films, and for those wondering here is the answer: I did not feel that I could provide an unbiased review of any film in this franchise because I just love it too much! In any review I’d write, I would either fawn all over the film or pick at things that the average viewer wouldn’t have noticed. And if I read a review that was overly picky, I know it would color my judgment of an otherwise watchable movie. So, I have saved my praise and condemnations for this article, where I can profess my love for the new films and pick them apart.

For those of you who haven’t seen these movies, I will warn you that you will find spoilers, but I will properly label each section, so if you’ve only seen one of the two films you can still read half of the article. Additionally, if you haven’t seen one or both of these two films, go see them now.

This is my official Star Wars Ranking: (First to worst)

1.       Empire Strikes Back

2.       Star Wars (A New Hope)

3.       Rogue One

4.       Return of the Jedi

5.       The Force Awakens

6.       Revenge of the Sith

7.       Attack of the Clones

8.       The Phantom Menace

Star Wars: Episode 7 – The Force Awakens

I of course saw this film as a midnight release (well it was at 10pm on a Thursday but I’m going to call it a midnight release). My four-man group arrived at the movie theater two hours early to ensure that we would get good seats, and we ended up being the first four people inside. I remember having a combination of both high and low expectations; low because the prequels were bad and high because the trailers looked great. I was pretty sure that J.J. Abrams (who is a huge fan of the franchise) wouldn’t mess it up after his successful Star Trek films. Overall, I thought The Force Awakens was a solid, watchable film that had lot of solid aspects.

Things I liked:

·         The lightsaber fights – the scenes felt like traditional Star Wars lightsaber scenes. The flipping and fast action of the prequels was pretty cool but it felt too frantic and almost draining to watch.

·         The movie had light-hearted humor that was a lot more natural than in the prequels.

·         Tension – I was actually worried about the fate of the characters, whether they’d live or die, and what would happen to them in the future. The prequels lacked this same tension because the fate of the characters was already predetermined.

·         I really liked the new characters. Rey is a multi-faceted character, and her parentage promises to be the next big Star Wars reveal. Finn also has potential and held my interest throughout the film, even though it looks like he will be starting Episode VIII in a coma. I also enjoyed Poe Dameron, the newer version of Wedge Antilles (Wedge is an X-Wing pilot that is in all three movies and a major character in the expended universe and it would be cool for Disney to bring him and Lando into the new movies) and I hope they really develop this character.

·         The sets for The Force Awakens were grittier and darker than prequels. Episodes I, II and III seemed too perfect and neat, almost less “real” when compared with the atmosphere of the new films.

Things I didn’t like:

Derivative

This is the best way to describe the plot of the Episode VII: If I saw Star Wars: A New hope, as an 11-year-old and then imagined what my Star Wars adventure would be like, it would be the plot of The Force Awakens. I’m stranded on a deserted planet, and I steal the Millennium Falcon to escape. Along the way I shoot down some TIE Fighters and bump into Han Solo, who offers to make me his second mate. Together we travel to a seedy bar where we meet some crazy looking aliens and get tangled up with the Empire. I learn about the Force and wield a lightsaber against a poor man’s Darth Vader. Afterwards I travel to a new world to start my force training with the ultimate, Luke Skywalker. So yes, the movie was good but it was basically a remake of Episode IV, without being a remake.

New Planets & Aliens

When Disney purchased Lucas Arts, one of the first things they did was remove the Expanded Universe (EU) from the Star Wars cannon. For those of you who aren’t Star Wars nerds, the EU made up the stories and characters that were created in the Star Wars books, comic books, and video games. Disney essentially eliminated these stories and made all of them irrelevant. I completely understand why they did this, and if you just paid $4.2 billion for a franchise, you probably wouldn’t want to be bound by the countless stories that already existed either. But why do they have to create entirely new planets and aliens too? Can’t they at least use some of the old ones that Star Wars fans are familiar with?

Humor

While some of the scenes in the movie possessed a natural humor that played well with the story line, other scenes seemed to force humor when there wasn’t really a need for it. One of the scenes that I felt was really well done involved Han Solo and Finn. Upon landing on Star Killer Base, Han asks Finn about the “plan”, and Finn responds, “We’ll use the Force.” Han Solo, now angry to find out that Finn made up the plan says, “That’s not how the Force works.” For me this scene was perfect, it had the quick relatable humor that seemed and the dialog seemed to flow naturally. One of the scenes I didn’t like was when the new rebels are discussing the plan to blow up Star Killer base and Han says, “There is got to be a way to blow it up, there always is.” To me this seemed like forced humor and really removed the seriousness of the situation.

Lightspeed

In the Star Wars books, lightspeed had specific rules. You couldn’t go into lightspeed if you were inside of a star or planet’s gravity well, and you couldn’t jump to lightspeed from inside of a star ships hanger bay. But apparently in this film, those rules no longer apply. This kind of has an effect on how space battles might be fought. Wouldn’t the rebels just run away any time they couldn’t win, and wouldn’t the First Order do the same thing? I am probably a huge nerd for even caring about this, and I am sure the Star Wars movies will always still have space battles, but I must admit that I was annoyed about this because it contradicted a cool quote from Han Solo in a New Hope, “Traveling through hyperspace ain’t like dusting crops boy, without precise calculations we could fly right through a super nova or too close to a black hole and that would injure something real quick.”

Star Killer Base

Star Killer Base is really lame and was probably one of things that bothered me most.  It’s essentially a planet killing weapon that’s built into a planet and uses the power of a star, draining that star in the process? So, what happens when the star is completely drained? Is Star Killer now useless? Does it even have the ability to move? A lot of details are never really explained, and let’s be serious, it’s a complete rip off of the Death Star.

 Star Wars: Rogue One

I am not old enough to have seen the original trilogy in theaters, but I was around when the prequel trilogy was released, and waiting three years for the next installment is not a fun wait. Disney decided to fix this problem when they bought the franchise with a plan to release new Episodes every two years with standalone stories in between. This means that every year for the foreseeable future, we get to experience a new Star Wars adventure!  But exactly what stories were they going to tell? The first one that was released was the story of how the rebels got their hands on the Death Star plans, essentially serving as a prequel to A New Hope.

I will admit that I really enjoyed this movie and thought that it was a much better film than The Force Awakens. As I said earlier the thing that I liked most about the original trilogy was the grittiness, and this film had it in spades.  Rogue One was also much better with the comic relief than Episode VII, and overall felt like a more natural flowing storyline. Because I liked this film more, I’ll switch it up and quickly list the points I didn’t like and expand on my favorite parts.

Things I didn’t like:

·         The use of lightspeed is just as bothersome in this movie as it was in The Force Awakens

·         More new aliens, including that crazy Bor Gullet thing that reads your thoughts – creepy!

·         I am not sure if I like or don’t like that the new movies put a small label in the corner every time a new planet is introduced…I will get back to you on this one.

·         There was no opening scene story crawl? What the hell?! This is one of the things that make Star Wars movies, Star Wars movies. Why did they get rid of it?

·         The Guardians of the Whills. For those who aren’t crazy fans, the Whills were part of the original concept of the Force. Lucas got rid of this aspect early in the development of Episode IV, and they haven’t appeared in any of the other films…until now. I wish they would have just kept them out of the story.

·         As I stated earlier, I don’t like that Disney is creating new planets, and the worst of all is Jedha. According to Rogue One, Jedha is a major planet for the Jedi but it doesn’t show up until this movie? It just doesn’t make sense and isn’t necessary.

Things I liked:

Old Characters Return

One of the main villains of this film is Grand Moff Tarkin, who is played by Peter Cushing in both this film and A New Hope. Peter Cushing died in 1994, and because this film takes place directly before A New Hope it wouldn’t have really worked to have a different actor play this character. Disney recreated him using digital technology, and for the most part this was generally well done. The voice worked sounded great and most of the time his character looked very realistic.

On top of bringing back Grand Moff Tarkin, they also brought back some of the more obscure characters. During the final space battle, the rebels show up to battle in X-Wings and Y-Wings to take on the Empire, and Disney used the pilots from A New Hope. If you look closely, you will recognize the pilots of the Red and Gold Squadron. However, the same technique was used for a final scene involving Princess Leia, and that felt too cheesy. Leia was only really used to show that the next scene would be the opening of A New Hope and they didn’t really need to show her face to get that message across.

Space Battle

The final space battle was freaking awesome! There were Rebel capitol ships duking it out with Star Destroyers. TIE fighters, X-Wings and Y-Wings were dogfighting for control of the sky. Finally, Vader and the Devastator show up to mop up the pesky rebels. Scenes like this are one of the reasons I love Star Wars films, and there have really only been two major space battles shown on screen before: the final battle in Return of the Jedi, which is epic, and the opening battle of Revenge of the Sith, which was lame because you knew there was no chance that Anakin or Obi-Wan were going to die. Hopefully future movies will have even more epic space battles!

SPOILER: Everyone Died!

Rogue One did a nice job of developing a new cast of characters for this film. Jyn Erso is the daughter of an Imperial Science officer, Cassian Andor is the Rebel Intelligence officer who is forced to do things he doesn’t like for the sake of the Rebel cause, and Saw Gerrera is a disillusioned Rebel Leader who has lost his way in his war with the Empire. Chirrut Imwe and Baze Malbus are guardians of the Whills who join the rebel cause, and they even added some comic relief with the presence of a rebel owned Imperial Droid, K-2SO.

Halfway through the movie I started to wonder, what is going to happen to these characters? Is Disney really going to kill everyone? None of the characters are in IV, V or VI so there really isn’t anything that they could do except kill them. But would they really spend $265 million developing characters just to kill them off? Are they going to keep them alive and develop a whole new series with these characters appearing in movies set around the original trilogy? Well I didn’t have to wonder about this for very long. By the end of the film every one of these characters was dead, and as much as I enjoyed getting to know them, it was the right way to end the movie.

Female Leads

This is really more of a “like” for both movies because they both have strong, lead female characters. The original trilogy only really has one female character, Princess Leia, and most other women are just in the background. The prequels included a few more women, but again, none of them were leads while Padme was a supporting character at best. But having no female leads won’t work in the new post 2010 world, so the new movies fixed this!  Both films have females in leading roles which helps make the film more appealing to the masses and makes the films easier to watch with girlfriends and wives.

 Overall, I am generally excited about the new direction of the Star Wars world. There are a lot of things to like in these new movies with expanded and parallel storylines and new actors and actresses. Disney has also avoided adding a Jar Jar Binks character who all Star Wars fans love to hate. There are still a handful of things that I don’t like, but I am willing to suffer through them so that I can continue enjoying the franchise that I love.  Luckily, Disney hasn’t shit the bed yet.

The Movie Guy