#the term 'stimming' wouldn't have been used at the time but i don't care

[thekeeperof-thefandoms]

Hazbin Hotel characters react to your stims

(I'm doing my personal favorite characters, so if there are others you wanna see, ask me. They may also be slightly OOC.)

Vox

You can't convince me this man doesn't also have ADHD. He's just spent decades masking it, as well as most of himself, to present a perfect image. Probably heard the term as it got more well known but didn't really connect the dots until meeting you.

He fidgets a lot, tapping his claws, bouncing his legs, can't sit in a fucking chair properly.

Doesn't realize he's overstimulated and burnt out from multi tasking dozens of screens until you point it out.

Once he's aware of it you help him manage his work better so he can be less stimulated and tense. You buy him proper fidget toys to mess with and he makes himself some top of the line bass boosted sound canceling headphones. He gives you a pair, too. When you're both alone, you look up songs with loaded bass in 8d just to watch each other twitch and involuntarily move your head with the sound.

That's about the extent of the conscious level of unmasking he'll do though. He gets self conscious.

But, he adores the fact you're comfortable enough to stim around him. Or in public. He can and will violently end people for even giving you dirty looks for stimming in public.

If you show excitement and joy over being around someone through happy noms he will literally get heart eyes. Just be careful where you bite him because it may lead to something else.

He's happy to let you stim, which means tricking him into doing it more.

He remembers and sub consciously absorbs your echolalias or any word replacements you use. If you do a lot of call and response vocals he learns them. (Call and response is basically when you memorize a sound with two people. One calls the other responds. You can just say both parts yourself ((I do)) but it's more satisfying with someone else).

If you do happy flappies this man will short circuit. (He will laugh if you accidentally smack yourself though).

If you squeal and kick you may give him a heart attack. He thought you were hurt or something. He gets used to it eventually but it still startles him.

Vox is also a chatter box so you two can info dump about special interests to each other for hours. Neither one of you expects the other to remember details, but the fact you don't tell each other to shut up and are content to do your own thing while listening to your partner/friend gush is enough.

He has long since forced himself into strict routines so if you struggle to get tasks started or get distracted in the middle of them he's understanding but stern. Tends to cause more harm than good because he talks down to you unintentionally.

If you're a visual/hands on learner he also gets frustrated with you for wasting hours trying to figure it out yourself and getting yourself upset instead of just letting him do it for you. You get into a lot of fights about it at first. He gets better when he sees it genuinely prevents you from enjoying things or trying new things and that you just kinda default to defeated and helpless. He didn't mean to make you feel dumb, he just doesn't understand why you wouldn't want help. Until the tables turn and as he's getting worked up over something he can't figure out and you just stare at him.

He finally snaps at you what the hell you're doing and you smirk "need help? Why don't I just do it for you and you watch? Come on, you've been struggling for an hour, stop being so stubborn and just let me do it. I'll show you later, it's not hard." You feed his own lines back at him and his stomach drops.

"Oh....that feels...mmmm. Nope! Don't like that. Ok. Won't happen again, doll."

Realistically if you work with him and you make mouth noises a lot (bird whistles, tongue clicks, humming, random shrieks) he will get annoyed. It's distracting him and sometimes you don't realize you're doing it and mess up anything he tries to record. The first few times he snaps at you and it causes problems (hello rejection sensitive dysphoria) but eventually he learns how to better talk to you/communicate without accidentally convincing you he hates you.

Alastor

Probably on the spectrum himself, but it also could just be his anti-social habits. Either way he finds you entertaining and your bouts of sporadic energy and gremlin like behavior don't phase him. He's been dealing with Niffty for years.

If you sing or hum a lot to get work done, or listen to music he's all for it. But if you're the type of ADHD where work fast music=horny and bass he'll insist you wear headphones. If you're content to listen to swing (he'll compromise with electroswing) or jazz, he'll play the radio for you.

He doesn’t even care if you're a good singer or not, he just likes seeing you get into it. Will show off by singing it better than you though.

If you're someone who picks your fingers or skin, he'll slap your hands. You bleeding is making him hungry and distracting him. He'll find you something else to do with your hands. Same with nail biting.

He tends to pull his hair when stressed so if you stim with your hair he gets it and unless it's harmful (eating/pulling) he'll leave it, but if you're like him he's either cutting your hair short or braiding it.

Will die before admitting it but thinks you flapping, hopping, clapping, squealing is the most adorable thing ever. Also, laughs at you if you smack yourself, though.

Doesn't understand your memes so half your echolalia go over his head and he just kinda stares at you.

Scolds you for not sitting in the chair properly.

Smiles, nods, and occasionally says "that's nice dear" when you info dump. It's not that he doesn't care, he just can't listen to something he's not interested in for that long.

Mouth noises make his eye twitch but so long as they don't interrupt him, he won't scold you.

He understands you're not dumb but he also doesn't have the patience to help your or wait for you to get things done so he does them for you and tells you stop pouting when you get upset with him.

He likes you enough to not reject your touch and enjoys being in your space, but please refrain from happy biting the cannibal. He will bite back and it's less cute when he does.

Lucifer

The original AUDHD. You two chatter for hours about special interests.

He makes you stim toys.

You two do the adhd laugh so hard over dumb shit you gotta hold onto and smack each other thing. You both wind up on the floor.

Literally would never talk down to you or trigger your RSD. He's spent centuries feeling like he's constantly annoying, dumb, and struggling to time manage and do tasks.

Is equally fed up with people offering to do things for him because he can do it he just needs help getting started. The more you ask if he wants you to do it or when he's gonna do it the harder it is. So you two just sorta hobble together a system for getting shit done.

It's not perfect but if it gets outta hand he can just snap his fingers and fix it.

He happy flaps with his hands and wings and constantly knocks you or other shit over. It embarrasses him but you're in love. You two sometimes hold hands to do the happy bounce squeal, shaking each other.

He initiates happy bites more than you do. Honestly you both start looking like chew toys.

You two echolali all the time and share new ones you find. If you ever can't find each other, just shout one of your current vocal stims and he'll respond.

Literally, the definition of choas couple.

[aralisj]

hi umm if you wouldn't mind......... would u drop the "carmy is autistic" list..... because you're so right he's so autistic-coded but i want to compare notes

You don't know the can of worms that you just opened. Know that I cracked my knuckles and kicked my feet excitedly when I got this ask and I would LOVE to hear your insights too.

This is pretty much the format I used for myself, so I do apologize if there's something wrong with it. Also, this is only my appreciation of it and autism is a spectrum, etc.

Difficulty socializing - Imitating forms of communication (sign for "sorry", cursing) - Unable to read when he's being rude (shitty) and need for external confirmation from Sydney - Uneasy in group gatherings (not joining the rest of the staff for family during his first weeks at The Beef), avoiding social events (never been to a party, misses family reunions) - Can be gregarious when masking/using costumes - specifically the scene with him pretending to be Logan at the party - "And [Mikey] had this amazing ability. He could just, he could walk into a room, and he could take the temperature of it instantly. You know, he could just, he could dial it. And, um… I'm not built like that, man. I, um… I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I had a, a stutter when I was a kid. I was scared to speak half the time. And, uh, I got shitty grades 'cause I couldn't pay attention in school. I didn't get into college. I didn't have any girlfriends. I don't think I'm funny."

Problems with body language - Cannot read easily when he's being teased/mocked and when he isn't: - He gets really defensive when Mikey and Richie mention Claire even if they're being genuine and doesn't calm down until Stevie says so. - He doesn't realize Sydney is joking at first in the alley scene or her outright mocking him in the S3 trailer ("I can sense the sarcasm" "No, no, no. Not sarcasm, snark, contempt even.") - Asking Sydney constantly what's wrong - he listens intently which suggests that he cares but he genuinely can't pick up on what the problem is - Lack of eye contact, especially at the beginning, giving priority to looking at the food than whoever he's talking to. He seems more comfortable with looking at Syd and Richie in the eye than the rest.

Difficulty making friends and navigating relationships - No romantic relationships before Claire (we assume 🤷🏻‍♀️) - When Claire called him and told him that Fak said he was his best friend, Carmy took a second to process and then agreed. He genuinely has no idea. - The whole "a girl who is a friend" debacle

Stimming - Fiddling with his spoon, shaking hands and blinking hard - Arguably, also smoking

Routine -~Consistency~ - "And the routine of the kitchen was so… consistent and exacting and busy and hard and alive" - Wears almost the same outfit every day (white t-shirt, slacks, coat, apron) - Doesn't deal well with change

Special interests - Cooking, drawing, (vintage) fashion - he's really out there cooking in hundred dollar t-shirts and gifting Thom Browne chef whites - Creative and flourishing in his chosen field ("I felt like I could speak through the food, like I could communicate through creativity. And that kind of confidence, you know, like I was finally… I was good at something, that was so new, and that was so exciting") - Understanding the world and other people in terms of food

Abnormal sensory response - Cannot stand certain sounds (~ball breaker~) and doesn't mind others (alarm) - Possibly heightened sense of taste/smell?

From childhood and more notorious overtime - Described as weird and shy even as a child - Stutter - Bad at school

More notorious under stress - Meltdowns and lashing out (1x07, 2x10) - Gets overwhelmed when plans change - Shutdown/anxiety attack after sleeping with Claire

Not playing cooperatively - Individualistic and cutthroat in the kitchen - VERY task focused (when he’s cooking HE IS COOKING) - Territorial over his things (knife) - He has a hard time finding a managerial style that suits him, delegating, and motivating the staff

Detail oriented - Toothbrush cleaning - The bowl thing in S3 trailer - His ~everything~ tbh

Depression, anxiety and APD comorbidity - Having special interests/happy stimming/needs shut down at a young age resulting in a pessimistic mindset (waiting for the other shoe to drop), anxiety attacks and unhealthy attachment styles - His trauma plays a huge role in this too but autistic children are particularly prone to suffering abuse in silence/staying in toxic environments and relationships

Insomnia

Alexithymia - "I Googled fun." - "I guess all the time I feel like I'm kind of trapped because I can't… Describe how I'm feeling. So to ask someone else how they’re feeling, that seems, uh… I don’t know, insane?" - "I hate this feeling" "What feeling, Carm?" "Uh, I'm not sure."

Black and white thinking - Difficulty focusing on more than one thing at a time, a very clear example is the majority of S2 when he's trying to juggle a relationship with Claire with opening the restaurant, while actively compartimentalizing the two of them, ignoring Syd's calls while he's out, then Claire's when he's at the restaurant - At the beginning of S1, he's hanging onto the idea that there's only ONE way to properly run a restaurant - Whatever "advice" he gets from Al Anon meetings is taken to the extreme, causing most of his fuck ups of S1 (more on this) - In the same vein, my boy can't understand a metaphor to save his life

I'm keeping track of the list (more or less) here

[necr0lysis]

i like seeing posts in the autism tag that talk about being disabled. yeah that post about happy stimming is fun but look here's some information that might make someone realize they're disabled! because for me, like two years ago it wasn't "i'm struggling to do this because i'm disabled and i need some help with it" it was "oh yeah that's just another one of the things that i can't do for some reason. it'll probably screw me over one day but i can't do anything about it"

so here i give you a long (long does not mean extensive, there are a lot of other things i do not mention in here like my semiverbalism and dysphagia, these things also contribute to my support needs as well as the things listed below) rundown of what i struggled with in terms of taking care of myself. i would say in my childhood and early teens i was low support needs but still a child who wasn't getting help from adults and now i would say i'm medium support needs as an adult as moving out and coming out of a huge dissociative period + being in burnout for so many years caused regression. i definitely was more capable of living on my own in middle school than i am now.

TW: for talk about abuse, neglect, body fluids, disordered eating habits, mention of drugs, etc

how i struggle to care for myself

as a kid (ages 5-12) *being half way cared for by my mentally ill mother

toileting: delays in learning how to use a toilet and knowing when i have to go. purposely urinated in clothes when i did not want to stop what i was doing

brushing/washing hair: my mom would chase me around the house to get my to brush my hair. i absolutely hate the feeling of it and it would cause meltdowns often and my mom would end up hitting me with the brush asking why i was being so difficult. i was difficult because it hurts! we decided to cut my hair short "like ellen" as i said when i was a kid because it was turning into a huge mat every week that my mom had to work at with a huge comb and a bunch of conditioner. i am a cis woman and very shortly i had to move down to NC where nobody knew if i was a lesbian or a trans guy but god do they hate both of those types of people down there!!! but i couldn't take care of my hair so it stayed short until i was 18 and caused so many issues for me.

eating: meltdowns when i had to eat "real food" aka stuff that's not my safe food. delays in learning how to use utensils and got very angry when they said i couldn't eat with my hands

brushing teeth: very similar to hair brushing. i did not enjoy the feeling of brushing my teeth so my mom would tell me to do it and i just wouldn't. it didn't matter to me.

emotional/mental health: did not ever understand or talk about my emotions. would go outside and run down a hill with shorts on then halfway down i would let my legs give out so i would fall the rest of the way down and scrape up my hands and knees. did not know why i did that when i was younger now i know it was self injury stims because of emotions

appropriateness/responsibility: frequently got overstimulated by my clothes and walked around both the house and the neighborhood naked. i remember my neighbors calling the cops one time

teen years (ages 13-18): *being abused by alcoholic stepmother

toileting: was bothered by the sound of the toilet flushing and also it wasn't always safe to leave my room so i would have to pee in cups often :/ as i got older i started to feel ashamed of it but couldn't really do much about it

brushing/washing hair: my short hair was washed maybe once a month in middle school and once a week in high school. still never brushed. my hair has been thinning since age 14 and i honestly don't know if it's stress or malnutrition or something else but yeah my whole life i've felt like a very ugly Thing.

eating: from age 11 to 15 i lived in NC with my father and step mother. my father did nothing while my stepmother was very open from the beginning that the reason they did not feed me was because i was "acting r*tarded" and "maybe i would get some food if i started acting more like a human being". this was all kinds of fucked up and i realize that now but at this point in my life i hated myself so much i was like "yeah yknow what ur probably right. i don't deserve food"

brushing teeth: still could not brush my teeth (maybe did like once every two months) but wash feeling very ashamed and grossed out by myself. i learned that i had gotten so used to the feeling of texture on my teeth that it feels very weird and slippy and slimy if i brush my teeth to be smooth. this realization made me feel non human. like just so grossed out by myself but can't change it no matter what i try

emotional/mental health: still hurting myself during meltdowns and when frustrated. still did not really understand my emotions. i was given a depression diagnosis and an anxiety diagnosis so in my mind those were my only options when someone said "how are you" cus they tend to get annoyed if you always say i don't know.

appropriateness/responsibility: people in school would always tell me i'm talking about things i shouldn't say in public. it never made sense to me. i was very confident in my ability to move out and live on my own despite still not mastering skills that most people have down by age 8. silly me, i have learned a lot about what i can't do since trying to move out

recently (ages 19-20): *being taken care of by my amazing bf (i'm at his house about 20 days a month. used to be i spend half the week there then half the week here but i've been struggling so it's usually two weeks in a row then a few days home then back to his house for a week, etc)

toileting: i use the toilet every time but still sometimes struggle with telling when i need to go and will often not be able to tell until it is almost too late

brushing/washing hair: on days i'm home alone i don't do any hair stuff. it's painful and gives me anxiety and i don't wanna have to think about my biggest insecurity so when i am at my bfs house he body doubles in the shower with me so i am able to wash my hair about once or twice a week. brushing is still extremely painful so i usually just do after using my fancy conditioner and detangling spray.

eating: eating is difficult because of my trauma. i feel a sense of anti-hunger even if my body is screaming out in pain for food i can't register food as safe or something that i wouldn't want to engage in unless i am high. i do technically have a dependence as i can't stop or else i will be throwing up so much that i'd have to go to urgent care. but weed has helped my food aversion, my meltdowns and emotional reactivity. obviously it's making my adhd worse but i'm able to eat and have less meltdowns woo

brushing teeth: i now feel the opposite as i did when i was a teenager and i like smooth teeth HOWEVER my executive functioning is still bad enough that it doesn't ever get done unless my boyfriend tells me i should do it or i see him doing it and i am able to join it

emotional/mental health: i have meltdowns maybe 3 times a month. i bite and or hit myself probably every few days. my emotions are confusing and loud and i cannot contain frustration i NEED to feel pain or else i will start breaking things and yelling.

appropriateness/responsibility: i do not know how to drive. my caseworkers want me to learn but i am not confident in my visual processing skills or my multitasking skills at all. if my life depended on me driving to a hospital i would die. i don't have a job. i think i might be able to work part time if i had accommodations. but only if i had accomodations. otherwise i'd get fired immediately. i refuse to make eye contact. i have IBS and would have to be allowed to go to the bathroom whenever i need for however long i need. i have dyscalculia i cannot work any job with numbers. i don't care if the cash register tells me change if i read the numbers wrong and give wrong change i will get fired. i have dyspraxia i cannot wait tables or be in a situation where there is a time limit. i'm autistic and will not be able to go home and feed myself if all my energy is taken up talking to customers or coworkers. its very easy for everyone to look at me and go "get a job" but at a certain point you have to use ur brain and think "hmm this woman can't take care of herself without help and she's also been neglected and abused for 18 years out of her 20 year old life.. maybe she won't be the best employee"

[therubberduckcult]

Headcanons for Joel Robison

Joel has autism and his special interests are making gadgets and robots

Wasn't a very popular kid or teen, so he spent a lot of time with himself (which is probably why he ended up being a bit of a shut in and why he handled being on the SOL pretty decently)

Pretty respectful guy- Will get your pronouns right if you tell him once

If you tell him if something he said might have been rude, he handles it well and will stop the joke and even will look into Why the joke was deemed rude in the first place

He's basically been single his whole life- The idea of a relationship makes him nervous (he's shy!)

Probably didn't know he was bi until he was on the SOL and had a lot of time to think to himself without the pressures of society looking down at him

Overall a very chill guy who would be fun to talk to and hang out with... The type who would say 'oh yea, I was in space and all this happened' and act like it wasn't that big of a deal

Possibly has insomnia? Yeah no, he certainly has it

Due to his shy and quiet nature, he doesn't really think he's all that handsome. If you call him that he would probably go '??? ok?? And how?'

He has an all right relationship with his family, but even still he would never come out to them (just to keep things easy for his sanity and for them)

Being in space didn't make him as nervous as being around crowds of people do

While Crow and Tom were created to be his buddies, he does grow to see them as his kids... Though he wouldn't really go out of his way to HAVE kids at the moment

Doesn't really care all too deeply about what's normal and what's not (because he's not really all that normal, is he?)

If you wanna use the term 'partner' or jokingly call him 'baby girl', he won't really care too deeply (he thinks it's fun)

Despite being a stoic guy, he's very physically affectionate and will hug you, will pat your head, leave his hand on your shoulder, etc

He will remember just little things, something you mention once or show a little bit of interest in and make a mental note of it and save it for later (all the quirks and things you don't like as well! He cares deeply!)

However he has a hard time showing emotion when the affection is returned

So smart, but not in a demeaning way. He's the type of smart that says something obscure or something that most people don't know without thinking too deeply about it... However if you ask him he'll happily explain it to you

Doesn't stim as much as others, but likes collecting things (def the type who kept his toys and has a whole storyline going on with them)

Is downright silly from time to time- Even so that it shocks even Crow and Tom

Before going on the SOL, he knew quite a few gay people (which begs the question... If he was as much as a shut in as he was, he did he know them? HHMMMM??? Has Joel been to gay spaces before and just never confirmed or denied it?)

The 1970's was not his favorite era

And that's all I will do for now! As one may see, I.. Kind of been thinking of these things for a good long while. I have a lot more in mind but I don't wanna go overboard, so as of now! I hope you guys enjoy!

[multiverse-of-mischief]

missed a day so catching up!

24 April:

How did your fine motor skills develop? Were you one of the first kids who could tie their shoe laces or do you think you'll probably never learn it? This is an "open question", if you want to ramble, start rambling.

i couldn't tie my laces for quite a long time, though i eventually learned when i was about 9 i think, im still not great at it though and it takes me longer than other people haha! honestly i don't remember much to do with buttons or anything else, but i do know about handwriting.

i have always struggled with handwriting, it used to be really big (and i also wrote in all capitals) for longer than it should have been lol, i eventually got "alright" handwriting when i was like 12 maybe? i could never do cursive as a kid, ever, although now it can be a stim for me and distract me from things because of the concentration and effort it takes. my writing is now legible (most of the time) and if i try really hard, it can be neat for like a couple lines lol. when i need to be faster or don't care as much, my writing is all over the place but still legible and it takes me a bit longer than the average slow writing person, i almost got exam accommodations for this, but it was just too fast which was very frustrating because i then had to push myself writing in exams 🙄

i can actually write super small if i want to, im usually the only one that can properly read it because of how small it is lol, i often did that on worksheets in class

writing really hurts my hand and ive never had good pen posture, i end up with callouses on my ring finger knuckle because of how hard i push haha, my ex used to try and hold a pen like i do and she couldn't do it at all, no one really knows how i ended up doing it (i swear it's not even that weird) but i can't hold it any other way. i also struggle with the pressure of my pen and i push too hard, which ends up making my lettering harder to read because of the thick lines (i tend to write pretty small now actually unless im really rushing). overall, writing hurts and i don't like it, i also need to bend over so im like 5cm away from the paper or i can't write properly, no idea what that's about but i used to lay on my desk while writing a lot in school lmao. it's strange because i really love drawing! i do struggle with the same things though (pushing too hard, muscle pain after a short amount of time, etc)

25 April:

How did your gross motor skills develop? Did you walk early or did you struggle to walk (if you can walk)? Do you have a bad posture? This is another "open question".

i learned to walk really early! i skipped over the crawling stage too, just went straight from tummy shuffling to walking lol

while i can walk well (in terms of motor abilities, im leaving pain and fatigue out of this), i struggle to walk slowly; i see myself as kinda like a bicycle haha, i need to walk at a certain minimum pace or i start to topple. i don't know how to describe why other than just my feet don't move automatically when i walk slow and i have to think about each step, i trip over my own feet and lose my balance a bit. i also tend to bump into people a lot and can't walk in a straight line very well (yay poor proprioception lol); my ex used to say that id never convinced people i wasn't drunk lmao and i have to agree, i wouldn't believe myself either honestly [lighthearted, self teasing]

my posture has always been awful i think, although ive gone through phases of having amazing posture from constant conscious effort (i think i was trying to copy my favourite character lol) but that ended up really hurting my back and taking too much mental energy so i stopped.

similarly with walking slowly, i struggle to stay standing still and often need to lean on something like a wall or i'll start to stumble and topple over. as i said in a previous post, i do actually have good balance, i guess i just have to focus on it more or something, strange bodies.

oh, throwing too! i can catch well (and really enjoy it, i loved practicing catching a ball in class) but when it comes to throwing the ball back...yeah. i don't know what it is about it, my arm just doesn't listen to me properly lol, my teachers got very frustrated with me for that and honestly i got frustrated with myself! i really wanted to play cricket and dodgeball so it sucks that i lack a crucial skill for them :(

this could just be down to my amnesia but ive also struggled with swimming, i find it difficult but manage to learn after a while, and then when i try again, im back to square one! my family is baffled and often don't actually believe me that ive forgotten. again, it's one that im pretty upset about because i enjoy swimming despite the sensory difficulties of after getting out

[upside-down-theater-kid]

I Never Planned on Someone Like You

So I've been working on this Javey oneshot for a month now and here it is! Davey takes Jack home for his boyfriend to meet his parents, and he has some news that he's been procrastinating on telling him. Thanks so much to my friends who gave me feeback (and to @broadwayismybestfriend for the endless encouragement)!

Read it on ao3!

“Jack, I sold my last paper,” I say. He’d been waiting nearby for thirty minutes. He didn’t want me to stand out there alone in the cold.

“That’s good, Dave. You’ll be a pro like me in no time,” he says with a smile. I can’t bring myself to tell him that I’ll be going off to school next week, and that I don’t know if I’ll be able to see him. “Good night, Davey,” he says before he kisses me.

“Jack, wait,” I call out when he’s a few steps away.

“What?” He replies as he walks back towards me.

“Come home with me. Have dinner with my folks. They’ve been dying to meet you.”

“Davey,” he scoffs. “I don’t do folks.”

“My parents have been wanting to meet my new friend,” it takes me a second to realize the implication of what I said.

“Oh,” he pauses. “So we’re friends now?”

“No, no, no,” I flap my hands. I get nervous when I’m misunderstood. “I just… haven’t told them, yet.” My parents would be the last to know. All of our friends knew it when we walked into work one day while blushing and holding hands. Miss Medda caught us kissing backstage one time. Even my little brother noticed that something was different between Jack and I (and I had to make him promise not to tell Mom and Dad). He looks pensive. “But I’ll tell them. Tonight.” He gives me a kiss on the forehead.

“Ok, Daves. I’ll do it for you.”

--

I’m nervous, but holding his hand on the walk home made me feel better. It always does. Once we’re a block away, we stop. We don’t want anyone else to see. I can’t help myself from stimming.

Mom opens the door as soon as we get home to our tiny apartment on the fifth floor. “David! You’re home! Is this your friend Jack? We’ve heard so much about you! Steven and I have been wanting to meet David’s new best friend for a while.” I can’t tell whether my boyfriend is mad at my mother for calling us friends or trying to hide his laughter.

When we go inside, dinner is already on the table, since I’m a bit late coming home. Dinner at the Jacobs household used to be lively before Dad lost his job, but it became solemn after the accident. No one says anything for several minutes, although Les keeps winking at me and Jack when our parents aren’t looking. Jack seems on edge and my parents are oblivious. I open my mouth and try to start talking to avoid the awkward silence, but no words come out. I almost bounce my leg, but I stop myself. When I was younger, I would do that when I was nervous, but my parents would always tell me to stop, and I can’t have them reprimand me for it, not tonight. Everything has to be perfect for my boyfriend.

“So… uhhhhh… Jack,” Dad says in an attempt to break the silence. “What do your parents do?” Jack’s face turns to stone.

“Both of my parents are dead,” he says harshly. Les blushes and looks at his plate. My parents glance at each other, not knowing what to do in this situation. Jack just stares at his plate, and I can’t read his blank expression. No one speaks for several minutes. It’s just the ticking of the clock and the scraping of forks against plates. Nobody knows what to say, not after that. So many thoughts race through my head. I should have told my parents not to bring that up. It was such an awful question to ask, Jack must hate me now. He doesn’t speak about his parents often, and I’m sure he doesn’t want another reminder of them.

“So, Jack,” my mother begins. “Is it going to be hard for you next week with David off at school and no longer a newsie?” Did my mother actually ask him that? I regret not telling Jack sooner. He should have learned it from me, not my mother. He probably thinks that I’m a coward. I see shock across Jack’s face, but only for a second. Then, the sadness sets in.

“I didn’t know that Davey was going back to school next week,” he says with anger simmering below the surface.

“If you’ll excuse us for a second,” I say as I drag him out of the apartment and on to the fire escape.

--

“Jack, I am so sorry about that but I can explain,” I say after staring at the floor for a few seconds, trying to figure out what to say, as if there are any words that could fix this. Anything to fix the stone-cold expression on his face.

“Explain what? That you’re leaving us? Leaving the Newsies? And that you couldn’t even tell us yourself?”

“Jack! I was going to tell you…someday.”

“And when’s someday? Was I just going to wake up one day and not have you be in line for the papes? Would my boyfriend go to school and not even tell me? Would I even see you again? You didn’t even have the guts to tell me yourself, and your mother had to do it for you!”

“BECAUSE, BECAUSE…..I’M SCARED OF LOSING YOU!” He’s surprised that I said that and so am I.

“Dave, I didn’t know,” he says in a softer tone. “But, I’m also scared of losing you.” We sit in silence on the rusty steps of the fire escape. I see the New York skyline above us. The view of the city where we both grew up, where we first met. We’re so close together, but so far apart. I don’t think either one of us knows what to say. There’s the sound of crickets as evening turns into night and happy families eating dinner in the nearby apartments. Families who aren’t going to be separated because someone is going back to school and was too much of a coward to tell his boyfriend. I’d always thought that we’d be one of those happy couples someday. I move closer to Jack. I have a hard time with apologies, and it’s my way of saying “I’m sorry” to him. It’s just the sound of our breathing for what feels like an eternity. Eventually, he holds my hand. I think it’s his way of forgiving me.

“I’m so sorry for not telling you,” I whisper. “I’m just so scared to leave you and the other Newsies and I don’t know how I’ll be able to go back to school without you by my side.” Jack kisses me on the forehead. “I just can’t handle not being able to see you every day,” I continue. “And I can’t tell my parents. They won’t understand it. They couldn’t understand just how much I love you.” He kisses me again. “Everyone else thinks that I’m strange, but not you. Even on my first day as a Newsie, you helped me. Not many people would’ve helped the new kid.”

“Davey,” he says. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell your parents about us. And I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle not seeing you all day, every day, but it’s okay. We’ll get through this together. And you’re not strange. You’re the most perfect guy I’ve ever met.”

“Jack, that’s not true.”

“Yeah, it is Dave. And the second I saw you, I knew that you’d be an amazing newsie,” he kisses my cheek. “An amazing person,” he does it again. “And an amazing boyfriend,” he kisses me on the lips. “And if anyone at your school is a jerk…..and, well if I can take down Pulitzer, I can take down some teenage jackasses.”

“Jack, you don’t have to do that.”

“Let’s hope so.” We sit there for a few minutes, with neither of us knowing what to say. Just the two of us leaning on each other, because we know our time together will be limited after this week. Just the two of us and our breathing, with so many things left unsaid. I have so much love for him.

“Jack,” I say after the silence. “I love you. Even if I only see you once a week, or once a month, I’m never going to forget about you. Never. I’ve always loved you. Even on the first day we met, when you were just a cocky newsboy. You still lit up those dark streets, and you still never fail to impress me. I never expected this, I never expected any of this.” I kiss him, like I’ve done so many times before. “Jack Kelly, I never planned on someone like you.”

[araminakilla]

Huey and D'jinn possible parallels

As we know, Huey is the center of this season and even if he wasn't present in all the episodes, the ones in which he appears are excelent and contribute for some character development. I bet we are going to see paralels between him and other characters. Dewey has Della, Jormungandr in the neutral side and Don Karnage in the villain side, Louie has Goldie and Gladstone. Huey has Fenton, maybe Gyro, Donald and definetly Fethry Duck, Boyd and Violet Sabrewing. But what if he had parallels with someone who isn't science-related? Someone who has more common grounds in terms of liking history other than Violet (who is now a recurring character)? I have a feeling that it's a side character who is going to return not that soon but in the last episodes.

I'm talking about Faris D'jinn and in this (long) post I'm going to explain why.

First of all, their (brief) interactions. Huey was the first member of the Duck family to meet D'jinn and he was the one who asked if him and Amunet were ok in Moonvasion!

Now this may be very brief but I theorise Huey is going to have more conversations with Faris the next time he appears. They have many things in common after all.

What are those things you may ask? Apart of wearing red in their clothes.

Well, that is the second point. Both like order and things going their way because it makes them easy and in Huey's case, secure.

D'jinn had one thing in mind in all the Treasure of the Found Lamp! episode: To find the lamp of his ancestors in his birthday or devastating consequences would happen aka he's going to be sad. This could count as hyperfocusing on something, that would be the lamp and the story behind it.

He was so concentrated on that matter that he involved the duck family in a quest that some of them (Scrooge and Louie) didn't want to be part of, but felt they have no choice.

This reminds me of the episode where it was Scrooge's birthday and Huey wanted to prove that he could be a better party planner than Duckworth (the already deceased buttler) to the point of only for one second to transform into "the Duke", you know, that facet of Huey that cames to life when a great injustice was made like when Mark Beaks made Dewey the superior of Huey despite the fact that the Blue One didn't put as much effort as the Red One or when a boss character ruins his carefully cultivated farm plot in Legends of Legendquest and the older sibling went mad.

Well, D'jinn had moments that from his point of view count as injustices too. First the lamp was stolen centuries ago, then he finds where it is and goes to Scrooge to have it back, then the old duck tells him the lamp was misplaced. Since Faris had a schedule that he must complete before it's too late, he proposes to find the lamp in a rather...intense way that ends up scaring the ducks. Then he goes to Itaquack and spends maybe hours solving riddles and he knows they are stalling him and gets more impatient. THEN he discovers the lamp was stolen AGAIN under his nose by Ma Beagle and that he was SO close to obtain it right there. These last things of course couldn't happen as the quest was fake but Faris didn't know that.

While I don't think D'jinn has a whole "Duke" persona, he has little moments of intensity that instead of helping him only makes things worse.

It's because these moments of intensity and misunderstandings that the ducks had to make a false quest to obtain more time and stop D'jinn for...wanting to kill them.

No, seriously, the family thought they were death duck meat if they didn't find the lamp which again it's a big misunderstanding, as we found out Faris isn't the kind of guy who is violent just because and he wouldn't kill enemies.

Look, D'jinn is my favorite side character in all Ducktales and I even made a big analysis of why he is a great character a year ago. But... guy has poor communication skills. Let's admit it, many of you wouldn't stay in the same room as someone who not only is very (very) dramatic but also has weapons at their disposition.

Anyway going back to Huey...the Red Bean also has problems with communication. For example, as @pholux-twg pointed out, many things could have been resolved if only Huey had the time to explain his insecurities and point of view in The Trickening!, something he didn't do well in Scrooge's birthday.

And talking about that episode again, he was pushing his siblings to do the perfect birthday for Scrooge, something that Scrooge himself didn't want to. Huey had good intentions when trying to organize the party but his actions and considerations of other people's feelings were not productive, just like D'jinn had good intentions at getting the lamp back but the way he tried to obtain it just scared everybody.

Also to me it is very amusing that D'jinn is a warrior who trusts everybody so much (I mean, he didn't stop to consider if Ma Beagle was lying about the lamp, he believed her inmediatly) and falls for simple jokes as the "got your nose" joke. It is possible that he's not that naive but simply he doesn't really know when somebody is lying or not even if it's very obvious. Just like Huey is Mister "I'm not good at imagination stuff" D'jinn could be "I'm not good at detecting lies and metaphorical jokes"

Then we have the scroll that D'jinn owns and it has the story of his family, his quest for the perfect birthday gift and maybe more information, he writes on it what he has accomplished and that reminds me of the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook that Huey has for guidance. We don't know what could happen if Faris lost the scroll because it seems that he also uses it for guidance in his quests (or in the quest of his life)

Gif belong to @pholux-twg , @stevenfallsvs and @greatgamedota

Also I would like to point out that Huey had moments of stimming in Season 3 and I think D'jinn had moments of this in his debut episode...if spinning his sword many times counts as stimming, because maybe is a cool thing that he does when trying to impresionte those around him but maybe...just maybe he spins his sword when experiencing strong emotions like:

Anger

Determination

Hapiness

But wait you would say, that doesn't make sense as he has the same stoic face in the three gifs.

Yeah, but the thing is, and this is one of the theories that I have...he's masking.

During all the journey he's excited but mostly reserved and it's only when he understood that everyone thought there was a genie in the lamp and said object was now at his disposition that he broke his stoic and serious presence and began to show more than just one emotion.

But from a brief moment before the battle with the Beagle Boys we see the moment he discovers all his quest was a charade to stop him from getting angry, we get this:

He's confused, sad, hurt and angry again when facing the ducks. Then as he questions if everything was fake he seems sad again.

This is of course justified in that he's a tough warrior. Heavens forbid if he shows emotions that could be perceived as weak in front of his allies and enemies.

But we have to consider this: D'jinn lives for epic and little quests. It's his hobbie, his favorite activity, he sees life as a big quest and him as just another player and he takes that very seriously.

The thing is... the others don't. They only pay attention to him for fear of their lives. This is just a guy who you can't ignore. Like I said before Scrooge and Louie only want to escape the problem they got into and even Huey is amazed at how much dedication the warrior puts on the lamp and the quest.

Huey (to Louie): D'jinn monologued about this lamp and the Ifrit's Dawn for ten minutes without blinking!

Taking into account that, let's go back to Faris realizing the ducks lied to him. They used his favorite hobby and interest as a joke. Without saying it, the ducks practicaly said: "You know, we don't care about being part of your quest or your lamp or listening to your dramatic stories. We just don't want to get destroyed. We want you to leave us alone as soon as possible"

And all I have to say is...ouch. OUCH

I mean, of course that supposition is not true because Dewey enjoyed the adventure and Webby was living the dream! But D'jinn didn't know that.

I also have to wonder if him not getting into drama over the lie was because he was very focused in obtaining the lamp or maybe he's just used to it. And for "it" I mean having to deal with many lies made to get rid of him and his dramatic actitude, and that actitude is not wrong or bad but some persons just don't have time or patience for that and we don't know how many people encountered the warrior in the past.

We don't know if his family is as interested and passionate about their history as D'jinn, or if he still has a brother or more siblings but (theory) if he turns out to be the only member of his family to have that passion for history and adventures then he would have another thing in common with Huey. Both love their families deeply but they feel they don't understand them.

At least we have one thing clear for sure and it is that in his last birthday, D'jinn wasn't alone.

I hope he continues to make more friends or how he puts it "allies" and please let him interact with Huey! It's the Red One's season after all.

Also as a sidenote it is interesting that in the last picture Webby, Beakly and Huey (who are confirmed to have more presence and lore in this season) were in one group together. Foreshadowing?

[marshmallowprotection]

Sorry to... get a little dark here... and if it makes you too uncomfortable, you can ignore this, but it's been in my thoughts off and on recently.

So, um, when it comes to self-harm, when I bite, it's never enough to cause like actual harm -- I don't work at one spot. Except once. About a month or so ago. I chewed the base of my finger almost enough to make it bleed, and would casual gnaw on it absent-mindedly, or when stressed, 2ould bite down hard because the sharp pain calmed like 75% of my nerves and made it easy to think again. But it's honestly not my preferred way, so I left it alone. It's still a blatant scar, and I occasionally chew lightly still, sometimes on the opposite hand, but that's usually because I just need something to do, not a means of harming myself.

But when I was chewing my finger, I did it right in front of my friends -- in front of my mom even -- and nobody noticed what exactly I was doing. They didn't recognize it for what it was. On the one hand, I was grateful, because I liked being able to do it whenever without anyone bringing attention to it, but on the other hand, it comes back down to that idea of -- no one ever knows what they do. They just let me do it and don't try to stop me, except maybe with a few worried words, but I'm careful, I have no intentions of leaving this world anytime soon. It's just something to stave off the anxiety or the boredom. Sometimes I just get the urge because, well, I'm a bit addicted. But it's off and on, those bouts of harming myself, and there's no real pattern. If I don't feel like it, I won't do it.

Anyways, what I'm trying to say it, what if the Choi twins caught their MC *in the act*? Biting or scratching or cutting, although the former two are the most on my mind. And I mostly can't stop thinking about it because, yes, they'd obviously be concerned and wouldn't want me to do it, but what would they think when I told them that... that I'm not depressed? I may be driven by anxiety or anger sometimes, but most of the time it's just a random urge. And I... and I like it. This whole thing started from mere curiosity. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a freak... but at the same time I'm conflicted, because while one part of me is sure that I am a freak for liking it, the other part is like who cares? I'm not hurting anyone, only myself, and even then I'm always careful...

And on rarer occasions, I have urges of... something to the level of "self mutilation" (if I understand the term right) like... wanting to just line the topside of my forearm with as many cuts as possible. Vent fics help me assuage(?) those, though, and I'd never be able to actually do that. I have enough self control for that at least...

Sorry again, especially if i was too detailed. Its just been on my mind so much here and there...

[417]

TW: Self-Harm

I’ve mentioned to you before that self-harm comes in more forms than cutting. It’s also about self-denial, isolation, shame, guilt, and more. 

There are many kinds of self-harm and they are all equal on the same of causing harm to yourself and I understand that it’s hard to stop once you’ve stopped. It can become what they call second-hand knowledge, but you have to be aware that it’s hurting you no matter how you balance it and no matter how you try to angle or postulate the thought. I don’t think you’re a freak, nor are you strange for the morbid curiosity. Some people like pain but there’s a difference between someone liking pain and inducing pain to yourself as a punishment or even to ground yourself from anxiety. 

You’re too young to explore the first one that I mentioned, and the latter can be harmful to your emotional health and physical health. Again, I’m not ashamed of you or trying to scold you, I’m sincerely worried that you’ll hurt yourself more than you intended in an instance and you’ll have more than a scar to think about when that happens. I don’t want you to get hurt! 

Remember when I told you other ways that you could cope when the feelings spring up? If you have a habit of biting a lot, you can get a stim toy to use rather than biting yourself. If it’s about an oral fixation, that can be the case with people who bite nails or suck their thumbs, the stim choice can be safer for you! There’s nothing wrong with that. 

I need you should explore that avenue to help yourself from getting overwhelmed and worked up over these latter properties. You know that you’re doing it and you know that it’s not making you feel better and that it won’t help you in the long run. Know that is an uphill battle for many people, not just you, so you’re not alone. 

But, once you’re aware of what you’re doing, you have to try to find healthier ways to cope. Relapse happens, we’re only human, but you need to hold yourself accountable and work on this. Write, stim, etc. I know you can figure out what works.