necr0lysis

[necr0lysis]

for years i've been telling my therapists "i'd rather kill myself than work. i can't imagine going to work, being good at it enough to not get fired, then go home and eat. i can work a shift OR i can shower. it's not possible to do both"

no one thought to tell me that's not normal

no one thought a girl instantly becoming suicidal at age 8 when she learns she'll have to work in the future was something worth looking into. and that comfort of "well at least i can kill myself one day" has stayed with me since.

i worked part time for a few months. a normal healthy middle schooler could do a 4 hour shift tagging clothes if they really wanted to. for some reason it was literal hell for me. and i would go home and sleep the rest of the day. not eat or shower or brush my teeth or even change my clothes. all i have energy for is to wake up the next day and work my shift. then go to sleep.

The 40 hour work week isn't good for anyone. We know this, both on a gut level and from empirical research.

However

There are people, the majority of people in fact, who go through their 40 hour jobs and then come home, make dinner, and do something with their evening that is enjoyable and not just a dead-eyed zone out. They spend time with family or friends, play with pets or kids, engage in hobbies, or even just sit and enjoy media actively.

When they talk about how much it sucks to go to work, it's a kind of general grumbling (because again, nobody likes the current system).

If you approach going to work and feel like you might just die if you have to go in again. If you come home after work and can't do anything except stare blankly at the TV or your phone. If you can barely make dinner or keep your house clean. If you feel like you're actually drowning all the time and have no ability to actively engage in any enriching activities outside of work.

That's not just the general shittiness of the system. That's a sign that you have a mental or physical health issue that's being compounded by the system. It's a sign of disability.

The medical system where you are may suck donkey balls, but there's a lot you can do just by tracking your symptoms and trying to figure out what's going on. And if you can get medical help, you can vastly improve the quality of your life, even if you can't get out of the system.

[necr0lysis]

yup if your child is

- not having their needs met

- refusing to do things other kids have no trouble with

- purposefully urinating or defecating themselves

- making comments about wanting to die, get hurt, wishing they had a certain disorder, always expecting something bad to happen

- stealing or hoarding things 

- hitting people or constantly making threats to hit people

- exhausted after things that don't seem to take much effort

- trying to get sick or lose their voice to avoid school or people

there is a problem. children are human beings. they have brains that can malfunction or work differently just like everybody else you meet. and any issue left untreated just gets worse. in fact, i've had both mental health professionals and medical doctors tell me my issues were not developed enough to diagnose me, and to come back in a few months when i had gotten worse. not if, when. if there is an issue worth noticing it is an issue worth looking into

schools will be like "maybe THIS preschooler with major red flags will grow out of their problems if we ignore them and dont bother investing any effort in supporting them"

[necr0lysis]

and people always assume that since they like small talk anyone who they come across must also like small talk too and assume when small talk is not made that we enjoy it/are capable but are refusing to engage

like there are so many reasons someone could not be doing small talk like

- they can't speak at all

- they can't speak to strangers/in public

- they can't speak right now

- they don't know how to make small talk

- they speak a different language

- they only know how to talk about one thing

- they are in a bad mood from something that happened before

- they are unsafe to be around

- speaking is physically uncomfortable for them so they save the energy for later (me)

- they are nervous

- they are unsure if you're unsafe to be around

- they are preoccupied

- they don't like you

- they are physically uncomfortable or in pain

- they are overstimulated

- they are practicing a different conversation in their head

- they are daydreaming

- they think they're better than you

- they are trying to figure what's going on

- they want to be left alone

- they said something and then you said something and they thought that was the end of the conversation

- they aren't aware you're expecting them to make small talk

all of these reasons are valid and realistic. but only 3 of them are things to get upset about. that's 13% (not even 1/6 of the time) yet every time these types of people are met with someone who doesn't make small talk they immediately assume it's because they are unsafe to be around, or the person has bad beliefs about them when in reality these are rare instances

give people the benefit of the doubt. and if you feel unsafe around someone, don't tell them ! 1. because if you are unsafe that person will probably hurt you and 2. because if you aren't unsafe you will probably hurt that person.

it doesn't feel good to be a disabled and confused child who everyone thinks is evil.

I literally just saw a post that was like “small talk is a way to show you’re friendly and safe to talk to, like a dog wagging its tail” and it’s like damn you could not be missing the point so hard if you tried. If you automatically think someone who struggles with small talk is unsafe or needs to be trained like a fucking dog toy you have some ableism that needs to be worked through!

Ugh tbh I wish people on here would shut up about small talk, like yes it serves a social function but that doesn't mean people who struggle with it are unfriendly or unsafe to talk to! It's so much more complicated than a dog wagging its tail!

[necr0lysis]

does anybody who smokes weed or cigarettes have any experience with taking certain supplements or drinking certain teas that help with mucus build up? i saw on pinterest the other day this girl was saying she takes mucus removing pills every week so she doesn't have a smokers cough when she's not smoking.

is that real?

i'm not talking about coughing while smoking i'm saying like the type of wheezy cough you get when you're just coughing and it sounds different than a normal cough

[necr0lysis]

adhd is crazy cuz its called "cant pay attention disorder" and then it can completely ruin ur life and make u nonfunctional and people irl assume it's the 5 year old boy disorder and people online assume it's the annoying 15 year old disorder meanwhile the dea thinks you want to do substances for fun so they wont let anyone produce more of the medication that keeps ur life somewhat intact

[necr0lysis]

something that i think is really funny is when someone goes "i don't care if you're autistic you can't just eat chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese you stupid useless machild who can't drive or take care of themselves" and someone goes "just watch they're going to claim op is being ableist instead of improving and bettering their lives" and it's like yeah typically people don't respond to mockery with self improvement, i think that's pretty rational behavior actually.

[necr0lysis]

hi!!!! Um thank you so so much for your rlly thoughtful answer to my question it actually meant a lot! Also thanks for being so friendly people being nice actually makes me really happy so thank you!!! I now think you are really cool because my brain is depressingly simple with its friend-detecting skills. I mean you are really cool I’m just saying my brain is strange. Anyway. Uhhhh.right!

-do you sometimes wish they would hurt you in a more obvious way so people (or yourself) can tell you're struggling? yes, rather often

- do you dread going back home after being out? Depends on circumstances

- do you anticipate getting your feelings hurt most times when you have conversations with them? To an extent

- are you afraid to make mistakes in front of them? Yes

- does it stress you out to know they are in the same room? Yes

- do they punish you for things your friends don't get punished for? I don’t really know but I believe I get punished for some strange things

- do they neglect your basic human needs in any way? No, I dont believe so.

- do you feel like you have to hide big parts of yourself to avoid an argument? Yes.

- do you think you will /will want to talk to them after you move out? No, but I think I might have to to avoid a rapid decline of their mental health. They get upset liek one time I jokingly threatened to cut off contact and my mom got very upset. So I guess they’ll be like the toxic friend you can’t get rid of because your scared of what they’ll do to you or to themselves.

- has the possibility of your parents being abusive come up before? have you considered it multiple times? Yes.

- do you feel nervous or agitated around them before anything has happened? Yes.

anyway! Thank you so much!!! And congrats on your first ask, sorry it had to be mine. I hope the eval results are what you wanted!!! Um yes good night!!! Or morning!!! Yep bye!

yeah this def sounds like emotional abuse to me. i'm always free to talk ! i hope you're doing well and i hope you don't need like you *have to* keep in contact with them forever. i've also heard of a lot of peoples relationship with their parents get better after they move out but not everybody (like me) has the energy to deal with it in my day to day life. i have forgiven my mother and felt bad for how i acted in some circumstances but i have not gotten the energy i need to handle it gracefully so i have not been in contact with my mother since i want into foster care (5 years ago).

it's important to check in with yourself and decide what will make you happy.

if not having to deal with the stress of interacting with your parents is something that will make you happy, i think you should consider that.

and i know from experience people are more willing to re open a familial relationship or friendship than you think. even if it's been years

- nica 🐌

[necr0lysis]

I remember when people on here really did start discourse over adults enjoying fictional media and people pointed out that almost all the fictional media they enjoyed was created by adults

[necr0lysis]

HIGH ON STANDARDS LOW ON SKILL. CREATIVE PROCESS MAKE YOU ILL

[necr0lysis]

when i acted like a 13 years old at age 8 everyone applauded me for being so mature. now when i act like a 15 year old at age 20 people tell me it's annoying, i need to grow up, etc

i can't help being age stunted by trauma

i can't help being mentally disabled

When i was a child, everyone always told me that im "mature for my age".

Now im almost an adult, and i'm more childish than ever.

[necr0lysis]

hi! I uh have a question, If I may? Relating previous post about “if your autistic and wondering if you underwent abuse” (not exact phrasing)

I’m an undeiagnosed autistic (and adhd but irrelevant to current discussion) i have done a bunch of research and stuff, but I’m wondering if my parents abused me in relation to my autism. Like uh my mom told me to be Normal a lot and sort of drilled into me that I am Normal and I must be normal and one time we got in a huge argument cuz I got upset over losing earbuds and she yelled at me to stop acting disabled (exact wording, promise). They don’t like physically abuse me but I think this may fall under emotional abuse. I am also constantly mocked, especially when I express an opinion that differs from theirs, and especially especially when it concerns me (especially especially especially like my mental health or overall ok-ness or like needs and accommodations). Also constantly mocked by my dad, like one time he told me to get my head out of my ass cuz I wasn’t ready in time and when I later rather reasonably told him it bothered me and why it bothered me (like I’d get in so much trouble if I told my brother that) and then he started laughing at me and kept repeating “get out of your own ass” and it sucked and he apologized later but you know. And uh generally my mom brushes off any concerns I have like one time in fifth-sixth grade (well, the summer between) I told her I thought I had an e@ting d!sorder, and she instantly was like, “but you just told me you want a crop too! Your so beautiful! Also there are tons of minor eating disorders that aren’t an0rexia!” (That was the ED I thought I had). And uh later that year I did in fact have an ED and end up really hating myself and had a depressive episode and stuff and then she’d guilt trip me for not coming to her. So uh yeah. Does that sound like abuse? Idk. Sorry if this constitutes as trauma dumping!!! I believe I censored anything that should have been but sorry if I should not have written this or sent it or if I did something wrong! Really sorry, thank you so very much!!! Also good luck on the autism evaluation!!!

(i'm approaching this like you're living with your parents as i can't really tell by your ask. some stuff might not make sense to your situation specifically if you have already moved out)

putting aside the fact that they're family. do you think someone who is struggling with their mental health should be mocked, told to be normal, and/or told that other people know their support needs more than them?

i know most normal people who come from loving homes don't necessarily describe it as all i love you and you make me happy and i can talk to you about anything

however

your home is supposed to be the place you can relax. its supposed to be the place you can be yourself and if your parents can't accept you as who you are the next best thing is to apologize when you bring up how they hurt you.

my mother wasn't the best mother. she had her own issues. but she cared about me. i remember when i was developing body dysmorphia at 10 years old and i said i wish i was anorexic and she was so upset. she told me to never say that. (she soon attempted suicide while i was visiting my father and i ended up having to live in that abusive situation for 4 years. they tried to starve my autism out of me and i ended up with an eating disorder anyways)

i say this not to make you feel bad or think your parents are the worst people ever, but some people simply aren't parent material.

i don't necessarily enjoy telling people they are abused but if i was in your situation i would consider my parents to be emotionally abusive at worst, would benefit from some boundaries/family therapy at best.

no one deserves to be treated that way, especially by family. let me answer your question with some more questions

- do you sometimes wish they would hurt you in a more obvious way so people (or yourself) can tell you're struggling?

- do you dread going back home after being out?

- do you anticipate getting your feelings hurt most times when you have conversations with them?

- are you afraid to make mistakes in front of them?

- does it stress you out to know they are in the same room?

- do they punish you for things your friends don't get punished for?

- do they neglect your basic human needs in any way?

- do you feel like you have to hide big parts of yourself to avoid an argument?

- do you think you will /will want to talk to them after you move out?

- has the possibility of your parents being abusive come up before? have you considered it multiple times?

- do you feel nervous or agitated around them before anything has happened?

you don't have to check all the boxes. it's SO easy for an emotional abuse victim to think "it's not that bad, they're not REALLY hurting me, i can't call it abuse"

but let me tell you something. realizing what i went through was abuse aided so much in my healing and therapy journey. descriptor words are helpful. it might not feel the best but it's good to know. and like i said before they can still be good people. they could be good friends good cooks funny people donate to charity idk them personally. but that's not what this conversation is about.

we're talking about their quality as parents and if i had to separate every person on this earth into who would be a good parent and who would not, i wouldn't put your parents on the good list

and thank you for the luck on my eval! it went about how i thought it would go but i still have to wait a month for the results!

hope you're having a good day :)

[necr0lysis]

you don't have to be "burnt out" to justify tasks being difficult for you. Being autistic or having ADHD makes TASKS DIFFICULT INHERENTLY. WE ARE DISABLED.

[necr0lysis]

Hey guys did you know that when someone does something bigoted or inappropriate, you can address that without also shaming them for stuff like "living with their parents", "not having a job", "not dating" or "being socially awkward"?

[necr0lysis]

this is how i feel about driving. people would rather me put myself and everyone else on the road in danger than see me as someone who "has a real reason" to not be driving. inability is a reason. being confused is a reason. knowing my WHOLE LIFE that i would never be able to drive is a reason.

if a disabled person has already said they can't do something, it is never helpful to try and prove them wrong.

they know themselves more than you ever will and people need to stop acting like it's a crime to know your limits.

Overwhelm & body is sleep deprived so probably bad wording. But. Tired people try argue with us about statements we make about what we can/can’t do. Us say “can’t cook” is not invitation to say “oh you could if you practice!!”. Like. No. Just said we can’t. You do not know anything about us and we not able say things good enough to explain. If we say not able do a thing. Can’t do the thing.

Is not self esteem issue, just disabled & not in denial about what “could” do. Stop try “be positive” because is not helpful is actually so annoying & rude.

Like yes technically have 2 arms so could physically put things in pan. Issue is with chronic pain & fatigue, weakness from hold things too long, executive function, dissociating & losing time/forgetting what doing, burning food because don’t understand timings, undercooking because take too long and frustrated so eat it raw, sensory issues mean burn self accident and not notice until body visible damaged, etc etc etc. Sure could put a thing in a pan but what is point in that if cannot prep the thing going in pan.? And then burn it anyway? And cause self pain & sensory issue that take longer recover from than actual cooking.?? Frustrate frustrate can’t explain everything and when try just get dismissed and so tiring omg just believe us when we say can’t do a thing. grrrrr.!!

“You can do it” u are wrong actually. So “can” u try listening to us.

[necr0lysis]

can people stop arguing that autism isn't a disability when autistic people are talking about it being disabling? you can consider your autism not a disability, but don't speak for other autistic people. there's a ton of things that both are and aren't disabilities based on the person. depression can be disabling, people with depression are allowed to call it a disability, not every person with depression considers it a disability. let's stop speaking for other people. people are allowed to feel differently about conditions they share. autism is a spectrum disorder, every person with it has a different experience. sometimes that experience happens to be disabling. they're allowed to say as much. sometimes that experience isn't disabling. they're also allowed to say as much.

[necr0lysis]

i'm not one to throw around the word addiction (as an addict myself) but "if someone appears addicted to their phone its probably because [description of addiction]"

lol

i'm not going to say phone addiction is or isn't real but like

that's literally why people are getting addicted to cocaine. or gambling. or meth or porn or weed. because doing that helps them escape from the pain or dissatisfaction of their life.

addicts are people and this post feels very other-y like "don't associate me with addicts because i do the same thing every day for 12 hours a day and would rather do that than other activities and get aggravated when i can't do it"

addiction is having the list of things that bring you happiness or relief get smaller and smaller.

i know people who have unjokingly said they would rather die than live a life without an iphone. like if they had to use a rotary phone with no tiktok and pictures and games

idk

It's cool how this is a 60k note post when almost every word of it is untrue

[necr0lysis]

I saw the post again where the OP is like "I don't care if you're autistic, you have to eat vegetables"

Sometimes a disability means you can't do a thing...That is what disability...Means.............

If you are an autistic person who sits around being judgmental and condescending toward every autistic person more disabled than you, you are a tar pit