#the strong desire to write

[remembertheplunge]

An evening at Pillars

An evening at Pillars October 1986

October 11, 1986 Saturday

Mark and Steve are here visiting. We went to Pillars last night. Mark, Steve Sam, Harry and myself. It was pleasant and informative. We heard this great singer-philosopher Lyn Lavner. She was part of the Leather and Lace tour. I bought two of her cassett tapes, autographed and she sealed them with a kiss! Dig through your tape collection, pull them out and come back with me to this place in space and time — October 11,1986.

I’m at Weatherstone’s Coffee House. I told everyone that I must go. I need my self time. 

I read last evening (really late last night) from some of my old diary entries. Mark said “Ahhhh, a book in the making. You are the only person I know who has kept a diary so many years…over 9 years.” I read last night to them from my 1977–78 journal, and they truly were interested. Large amounts of supplementary thoughts flow from old mental vaults. We laughed and filled in the blanks. In 1977 to 78, as the spirit fire was beginning to become visible to me, whole months of time passed without a word. They asked last evening “How do you do it? Write so often?” I said “I must. I’ can’t do otherwise.”

End of entries

Notes: 5/19/2024

Pillars was a professional gay men’s organization in Sacramento California. I met Mark in Law school in 1978. He later met Steve who became his gay partner. Sam was a friend of Mark’s who I met through Mark. Sam and I became friends as well. Sam later died of Aids. I believe that Harry was Sam’s boyfriend, but, I’m not sure . Lyn Lavener sang songs at the Pillar’s meeting . One of them was the song “ Such Fine Young Men” which was about men she had known who had died of Aids. If you google” Songs by Lyn Lavener” you can listen to the song. 

Weatherstones is a Coffee House in Sacramento California on 21st Street now called Old Soul. I used to write there a lot when I lived in Sacramento 1986–1987. When I am passing through town now, I still do. By 1986, I was writing in my journal pretty much daily and that habit has continued to today. I still have to write. 

[beccawise7]

Strong women often need a place to be vulnerable.

A place to let her guard down and let go.

Create that space for her when she is in your presence, and she will open to you in ways you cannot fathom.

Her passion. Her fears. Her needs. Her desires and fantasies. The things that drive her to excellence. Her hunger for you.

Give her peace, understanding & respect and she'll give you her world.

~beccawise7💜🖤

[gingermintpepper]

“Your hair’s gotten longer.” 

It’s conscious effort that keeps him from tucking the strands behind his ear, from taking the knife at his hip and shearing it all off. He keeps his stance focused, attentive, there’s little else he can do when he’s taken so completely after his mother when it comes to his hair. His father scratches his chin, the clouds of his beard snaking about his finger like mist parting for mountain-peaks. Ares’ chin is still child-smooth. He can feel the tickle of his over-long fringe against his soft jaw. There’s no heart in his chest, but still he feels as though a pulse is lodged in his throat. 

Father sighs, put-upon, disappointed, and Ares feels a slight tremor start in his calves from holding himself so tense. “Well done, Ares. Go clean yourself up and get some rest. Phoebus will want to look you over later.” 

He should be ecstatic to be praised by his father. Over-the-moon with joy. There should be pride emanating from every pore of his body, the blood on his skin should be sweeter than ambrosia. 

Instead, he bows, manages a soft ‘thank you, Father’ around the lump in his throat and immediately flees the room. A mild ‘make sure to trim your hair’ hits the back of his head like a spear through the skull. He almost wishes the great door had slammed on his foot so he would have reason to feel this horrid in his retreat.  

Phoebus Apollo is waiting for him in his infirmary. 

He’s gilded as ever, gold from crown to heel. Perfect like the statues they carve of him in his temples. He has a smile for Ares when he sees him, a crinkle at the edges of his pretty eyes from the weight of his joy. Ares is waiting to see the crack in the marble, to see if that’s the chip that’ll reveal his fangs.

“Brother,” he greets, and his voice is warm - like the arms that embrace him, his voice is so warm, “Welcome back. I’ve heard you’ve done well.”  

There’s a tremble in Ares’ fingers he hadn’t noticed before. Strain from carrying his sword for so many days, a throb from wounds he hadn’t noticed he’d accrued. “Heard? There’s already gossip?” 

Phoebus blinks, disarming, demure, coquettish, “But of course,” and Phoebus’ voice is honey to Ares’ gravel, the juxtaposition is grating on his skin, “It’s Olympus. The gossip began long before you set your course.” Those warm hands lead him further into the room, bodily sits him on the chaise, pulls his helmet from his head. It’s all one, unbroken motion, “It’s summer alas, so I could not watch your war myself, but I hear it was quite the decisive victory.” 

A thousand thoughts run on horseback through his mind then. 

Did Father overhear some terrible slander that pre-emptively disappointed him? Was Ares’ victory merely a rumour, a bet his father hadn’t bothered to take? Was the gossip more enticing than the stark truth? That Ares wasn’t some child toddling about in the shadow of his sister, that his sword and spear weren’t merely for show - he’d think such a thing would warrant celebration. Not -

“Oh my,” Phoebus is in front of him, pleasant warmth more sticky heat with how close he’s pressed himself into Ares’ space. From this angle, Ares can see the multi-coloured flecks of his eyes, like shards of golden glass suspended in ichor. From this angle, with his hand so gently holding his hair, were Ares to blink too hard, he’d swear Phoebus looked just like his mother. “Your hair’s grown long again.” 

He pushes Phoebus off with such force that he bangs into the wall. It’s Phoebus, it won’t make even the impression of a scratch on him, but Ares wishes it would. Wishes he’d hit his shoulder or crack his neck or hit his head just hard enough for all that perfect, gilded gold to bleed. 

“I’m only here for you to heal me,” the tremble in his hand extends to his shoulder now. He flexes and unflexes his palm. Gods what he would give to just have a sword - “Don’t waste time with the pleasant-work.” 

Phoebus huffs, adjusts the fit of his himation, “...Only because we’re meant to be celebrating your victory.” He crosses the room in two great strides, his hair a swirling tempest behind him as he gathers his poultices and wraps. “The only reason I’ll not throw you from the window is because we are meant to be celebrating your victory.”  

There’s not enough acid in his tone for this to truly be a fight. Ares’ jaw clenches, he bites out a terse, “How benevolent.” 

“Aren’t I?” He’s got nectar and his sutures in hand, that focused look falling upon his face when he switches from overbearing busybody to Paeon of the Gods. “Now strip unfaltering Ares, let us see the measure of damage done to your indomitable flesh.” 

(Somewhere between the fifth set of stitches and the gentle frown that crosses Phoebus’ face when he notices the persistent tremble in his fingers, Ares pins his eyes to the far wall and asks, “What does it mean when Father says ‘well done’?” 

Any other sibling would mock before they gave a true response. Any other sibling would laugh and dismiss it, would say that praise is praise and any lingering ill feeling is just the worst of the war still fogging his mind. Phoebus does not answer immediately. He doesn’t make a single sound. The question settles like fetid water between them, unignorable, the scent right there on the tip of the tongue yet firmly unacknowledged. Ares closes his eyes and tries again to settle his squirming so he does not interfere with Phoebus’ work.  The metallic snip of scissors cutting thread breaks the silence. Phoebus bids him to sit up and slides his warm palms up his back until his fingers tangle gently in the ends of his hair. He twists the dark red strands until he’s gathered it all into a neat handful, holding it loosely as he switches his scissors for his shearing blade. “You should know it was not praise,” Phoebus says softly. The first of Ares cut hairs fall like viscera from his head. Phoebus treats each cutting with the sacredness of a blood-sacrifice. If he focused on the moment of tension right before the blade cuts though, Ares thinks he can imagine the agony of his sister’s sacred birth. “It is acknowledgement. Father thinks you’ve done well so he says ‘well done’.”

Gently, Phoebus releases him. Ruffles his head so all the extra hairs fall like red rain to the floor. Ares runs his fingers through the ends now curling against his ear. “Has he ever told you ‘well done’?” 

A laugh, warm and gilded, “No, and it would not make you feel better if he had.” 

Ares swallows down a thousand different questions. Phoebus wouldn’t answer them, he’s infuriating like that. Instead, he clenches his teeth, the phantom of Father’s dizzying tangle of grey cloud-hairs persistent in the corner of his eyes. “Cut it shorter.”

Phoebus doesn’t protest. He never seems to say a word when it really matters.)

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Sorry if this seems confrontational, but for the life of me I can’t get into your “Chloe has no growth” point when the show itself retracts growth from everyone and is inconsistent with everyone. You saying “The show just lays down basic character traits in Chloe” doesn’t make sense when her basic character traits are supposed to be her being selfish and spoiled.

S2 built off of that and despite what you say, had Chloe doing things that in S1 she wouldn’t have done. She apologized multiple times to the people she wronged, she willingly put herself in harm’s way to help the people she cares about and she was openly vulnerable to Ladybug in “Malidiktaor”. Something S1 Chloe wouldn’t have done. If there’s a distinct difference between a Chloe back in S1 and a Chloe in S2, then growth HAS taken place. But it doesn’t stay because of the formula (and the writers just don’t want her to keep that growth)

So what I’m asking is…what do you mean “Chloe doesn’t have growth”?

I can understand the “No arc” argument because an unfinished arc feels like there’s no arc at all (even though they are fundamentally not the same)

I wouldn't say that the show retracts growth from everyone. It's more that no one is ever supposed to grow. Every episode resets the cast. That's just how pure formula shows work and Miraculous is being sold as a pure formula show. The characters are meant to be static (one of the writers literally compared Miraculous to Dora the Explorer).

That static nature is why pure formula shows normally avoid giving their good-guy characters major flaws. It's the wrong medium for that type of thing specifically because the characters cannot change in meaningful ways throughout the show. They can learn little lessons that don't really change them and maybe have big change between seasons via a special or movie, but that's about it. Thus things like the season four conflict working so poorly. It's just a terrible choice for a formula show! The conflict is literally not allowed to develop properly because of the chosen format.

But sure, let's talk about Chloe and why I will die on the hill that she never demonstrated meaningful improvement even with the issue of the inconstant writing. In fact, seasons-one-to-three Chloe is one of the most consistent characters in the show. For this discussion to work, we need to start off by discussing character development and the two main forms it can take: character establishment and character growth.

Character Establishment

When the audience meets a character, they know nothing about said character. It's up to the writer to guide the introduction process. To choose when to reveal already existing elements of the character's personality, skills, and backstory. This is called character establishment. It is the writing telling you who the character is on a baseline level. Those reveals don't need to happen at the start of the story, though. They can be - and often are - held back for when the time is right.

When these reveals are delayed, it's important to remember that these elements were always part of the character. The reveal isn't changing who the character actually is. It's just changing how the audience views the character.

For example, we spend a good chunk of season one uncertain why Gabriel is doing what he does. Then, in Origins, we learn that it's all for Emilie. This is new information that adds depth to Gabriel's character, but it doesn't change him in any way. This is who he always was. We just know him better now and can recontextualize past events with our new understanding of his motivation.

Character Growth

Character growth is when writers take a character's personality or world view or even just their skills from point A to point B, allowing the audience to watch the character change and become a new better - or lesser - version of themself. This is usually part of a larger character arc where all the moments of growth add up, but it can take the form of small moments of growth that don't fit into a bigger picture, too. I'd probably still call that an arc, but we'll use the word "growth" a lot in this post, so let's just call it growth to be consistent.

Miraculous doesn't really have either arcs or growth because - once again - formula shows don't allow characters to meaningfully change, so I'm going to have to make up an example here. I'll use one that illustrates how character establishment and character growth can and do intertwine as that's an important thing to acknowledge to help guide this discussion.

Let's say that we have a character who lost their family at a young age. We'll call this character Mary. Mary's loss guides her character throughout the entire story, but the other characters and the audience are never told that this is what's going on. We just know that Mary acts in seemingly illogical ways at times and that she trusts no one.

Throughout the story, Mary learns to trust her costars, leading to a big, dramatic scene where she finally tells them - and the audience - about her past. This big dramatic scene is both the culmination of a character arc and a piece of baseline character establishment that allows us to understand Mary's character better no matter what part of the story we're reading.

Because these combo growth and establishment moments are so common in stories, it can feel like character growth when we learn new things about a character in a dramatic moment, but that's not always what's happening. Sometimes dramatic moments are just there to reveal what was always there by forcing a character to act differently than they usually do through the power of extenuating circumstances. These extenuating-circumstances moments are not character growth because, once the moment is over, the character resets to their normal self. The moment wasn't there to let them grow. It was there for the sake of the plot.

This is actually a really important thing that writers need to know how to do. Figuring out what circumstances will make a character say or do a thing they generally wouldn't say or do is part of how stories work. I have started stories with characters acting wildly "out of character" because I put them in the a situation where the behavior suddenly was in character!

Oh, you don't want to talk to this total stranger because you're an introvert with social anxiety who has yet to learn how to love yourself and open up to others? That's nice. Your leg is broken now and you're stuck in the middle of nowhere. What you gonna do sucker? Lie there in the dirt or talk to the nice lady who wants to help you? Your choice! (Spoiler: he talked to the nice lady. He even let her physically support him when he'd usually never let a stranger touch him!)

As soon as that scene was over, the character reverted because it wasn't growth. He didn't become a more open person. He just did something he normally wouldn't do because the situation demanded it. It was extenuating circumstances so that the freaking plot could start.

This is what happened with Chloe in season two. Everything that people call growth is really just extenuating circumstances that reset by the end of the episode or even by the end of the scene.

Let's Talk About Chloe

Chloe does not have a character arc, aborted or otherwise. She is never taken on a journey where we watch her change. All we get is delayed character establishment via extenuating circumstances, but it's given in ways that make some people feel like she was being given an arc. Let's talk about why that is.

Season one Chloe is a one dimensional mean girl. She has almost no depth. She's just here to be petty and cause akumas. She is not a fully realized character.

Season two takes those traits and keeps them, but also gives Chloe a lot more depth to round her out and make her feel like a real character. She's just as petty and mean as she always was, but we're finally allowed to see her in some moments that make her feel like a well of potential to become something more, which the writers basically had to do if they wanted to let her be a hero. The audience needed to feel like Chloe could be good in the right situation.

The feelings evoked by her newly discovered depth are why people go "oh, she had a character arc! My feelings about her changed in a big way!" But she didn't have an arc. You just got to know her better by seeing her in moments where she was forced to be vulnerable. That's not growth. Growth is meaningful, lasting change, not situational change. Everyone changes based on the situation! It's why the "True Selves" stuff is such nonsense. It implies that there's one set way that we're supposed to act in order to be authentic and anything else is some kind of lie which just isn't how the world works.

Let's look at some examples to drive home what I mean.

Season one established that Chloe idolized Ladybug. It's why we get things like this moment from Evil Illustrator:

Ladybug: Fine! You stay! Later! Cat Noir: What do you mean later? Ladybug: I mean, you're the one who wants to protect her, so you don't need me. So, later! (swings away) Chloé:(looks over balcony) Ahhh! Ladybug! Text me! OK!

And this confession from Antibug:

Ladybug: [Chloe] pretended she was me?! How often does that happen? Armand: She idolizes you.

So Chloe adores Ladybug and wants to impress her/be her best friend. Cool. Got it. That never goes anywhere in season one because season one doesn't see Chloe and Ladybug interact much. The most we get is Ladybug saving Chloe from akumas, which doesn't allow for deep conversations. I don't think that they're ever alone in a moment where they can actually talk.

That changes in season two. In season two, they get to interact a lot and it's often in moments where there's a big threat and no one else is around, letting us see a new side to Chloe. But that's not Chloe changing. It's just the writers revealing that Chloe has more to her than the mean girl stuff because of course she does! Pure mean girls don't exist. Everyone has depth. We simply never saw that depth before because Chloe was never put in a situation where she needed to be open. We can't say that season one Chloe wouldn't confess things to Ladybug or chose to sacrifice herself to let Ladybug win because she never had the chance to do those things!

In fact, I'd go so far as to argue that season one Chloe probably would have done the same things as season two Chloe because season two Chloe doesn't really contradict season one Chloe. Antibug showed us that Chloe was pretty desperate to be loved and welcomed the way that Ladybug is loved and welcomed:

Chloé: Jagged Stone! Jagged: (thinking she's the actual Ladybug) Ladybug! What are you doing here? Chloé: Um… when I find out you were here, I knew you'd wanna see me! I had to come say hello. (Sabrina waves at Jagged)

and Chloe has always been a stubborn girl who stands up for what she wants even if what she wants is something bad. Antibug also showed us that Chloe can be genuinely nice to the people she cares about. Her and Sabrina's relationship is shown to be complex with them often having a lot of fun together.

Similarly, Origins sees Chloe showing her father genuine affection after she's saved from Stoneheart:

[Image description: Chloe and Andre hugging and looking very happy to be together]

Origins is the baseline episode that tells us who the characters are on day one, so I never once doubted that Chloe loved Andre, but Andre didn't get akumatized because of Chloe's actions in season one. He didn't even get akumatized for something that Chloe had nothing to do with! His first akumatization is in season two, so it's not shocking that we don't get a Malidiktaor type scene until Malidiktaor.

Chloe was vulnerable with her personal hero when her beloved parent was in danger, but not before? Shocking! Who would have guessed?

Me. I would have guessed. I didn't even realize that people were reading it as some sort of character growth because it clearly wasn't. Malidiktaor didn't feel like something new for Chloe's character. It just felt like the writers were leaning into things that we'd always known about Chloe and using them to better establish her character as someone who genuinely cares about select people. She just doesn't show most of the time.

The same thing goes for Chloe's sacrifice and apology in Zombizou. Chloe only sacrifices herself when there's no one left but her and Ladybug. When the choice is to let the terrorist win or take the hit and let you personal hero save the day. Brave? Sure, but also not growth. Chloe is team Ladybug for all of seasons one, two, and three! She wants Ladybug to like her! Plus even a petty brat can have moments of goodness where they pick a hero over a literal terrorist.

This honestly would have been a damming moment if Chloe didn't sacrifice herself. She functionally had no other choice here. The entire episode builds itself to the self-sacrifice moment so that Chloe is forced to make that choice even though she's been her petty bratty self throughout the whole attack. It's genuinely solid writing.

Then, in the heightened emotions directly after the Zombizou win, we get this:

Miss Bustier: But I hurt a lot of people... Chloé: No... I did... I forgot your birthday, once again. And when I saw everyone had prepared a gift for you, I totally lost it. Because I, too, would've liked to offer you something. I'm sorry, Miss Bustier. Miss Bustier: Thank you, Chloé. Those words are the best possible gift you could ever give me. (hugs Chloé) (Chloé hugs her back, forgetting herself for a moment.) Chloé: Huh?... Uh, yeah. Okay then, we're all good.

A brief moment of vulnerability that quickly ends and does not stick around because Chloe's change was situational, not true growth. The next scene of that episode starts with Chloe being her usual self:

Chloé: Me? You want me to apologize to the entire class? Ridiculous! They should be thanking me for saving everybody.

And ends with the reveal of Chloe's gift to Miss Bustier, which was given in private via a note.

Once again, nothing new for Chloe's character. She acts as she always has, being mean to everyone while having moments of vulnerability when things get tense. Remember that hug between her and her father that we talked about earlier? Same concept. She had just almost died from an akuma attack and so she needed some emotional support, leading her to act more openly loving than she usually does when he's around. Once the moment is over, she reverts to the petty mean girl default.

Giving gifts to placate people is also something that we've seen before. A pretty similar thing happens at the end of Evil Illustrator, it's just played less sympathetic towards Chloe because the writers weren't giving her depth back then:

Sabrina: Too late. Chloé and I are doing the project together. Marinette: You mean, you're doing the project? Sabrina: Well, of course! After all she's been through... Marinette: Ughhh.... Nice new beret, by the way. Sabrina: I know, right! Chloé lent it to me. She really is my BFF! Chloé! Your geography homework's ready!

For any of this to be character growth, we need to see Chloe act differently over time. For her to be put in similar situations and get different outcomes, but we don't see that in part because Chloe didn't change and in part because season one didn't do much to develop Chloe's deeper side. We rarely see her alone or in moments of extreme vulnerability, but you need those moments to show her depth. That's why Despair Bear had Chloe crying alone after Adrien threatened to end her friendship and not before. Chloe is very reluctant to openly show depth. You have to force it out of her, which perfectly fits the character we met in season one.

Even her standing up to Hawkmoth and rejecting the akuma isn't character growth in my opinion. Chloe has always stood up to authority and demanded whatever she wants. She has wanted to be Ladybug's friend and be seen as a hero since season one, so it's not shocking that her extremely strong will would allow her to defy a terrorist. If there is anyone in this show who can stand up to a terrorist on shear "no!" power alone, it's little miss I-always-get-what-I-want. I could see a variation of this happening at any point in the show, just change Chloe's reason for defying Gabriel to match the situation. Rework these lines to be about a party that she wanted to go to and I'd still totally buy it:

Chloé: No, Hawk Moth! I am a superheroine! I am Queen Bee! Ladybug will come and get me when she needs me! I WILL NEVER JOIN YOU! (throws her photo onto the ground as the akuma exits it... and pants)

Chloe acted like a hero here because she wants all the perks of being a hero and can't believe that Ladybug would actually bench her. That's impossible! Ladybug wouldn't do that!

As soon as Chloe accepts that she won't be a hero again, Chloe stops acting heroic because acting heroic wasn't growth. It was her playing a part the same way she played a part in Despair Bear. She was doing what she needed to do to be Queen Bee again and not because it's the right thing to do. This would only be real growth if she rejected the akuma after accepting that she wouldn't be Queen Bee again, but that's not what happens. As soon as she accepts that she's out, she no longer has any reason to play nice. She never grew into a character who did what's right for the sake of doing the right thing. It's always been about getting what she wants or being seen how she wants to be seen. Until that changes, she hasn't changed.

So no, Chloe didn't have an aborted arc. They didn't start to redeem her and then change their minds. All they did was make Chloe one of the most complex characters in the show only to then not do anything with the character they wasted our time establishing, ignoring the complexity they gave her while also cranking her mean dial up to the point of absurdity where she's not even fun in her original role anymore.

I get why it feels like she had an aborted arc. The fact that the character establishment was delayed makes it feel like something shiny and new about Chloe. There's also the fact that the character establishment we get in season two is the kind of character establishment that you'd do if you were setting up for a redemption arc, but that doesn't change the fact that it was all establishment work. None of it was a true arc where we watched Chloe grow. We just saw her put in situations that revealed hidden depths.

Her showing depth is not her growing because when in the world does she show off this supposed growth? She only acts differently in the type of scenes that we've never seen her in before or around characters that we've never seen her truly interact with before. When she's around the established teen characters or in her usual scenes, then she acts the same way that she always has. We never see her be genuinely nice to Marinette or something like that. She's only nice to Ladybug and she's still rude to Chat Noir. That's not character growth! That's character establishment that can then be used to guide character growth!

Same thing goes for the stuff in Despair Bear. We learn that Adrien can push Chloe to be better, but he never does it again and she reverts as soon as he lets her off the hook, so it wasn't character growth! It was just Chloe establishing that she can play nice when she needs to. This means that she could grow if the story chose to take her down that path because we've established that she knows what being nice looks like. Fake it til you make it plot go, go, go! But the plot never went, went, went so meh?

Add in the fact that season one was a bit of a test season with lots of elements that got dropped and the fact that characterization in this show has always been wildly inconsistent from episode to episode and I'm really not seeing a strong argument for Chloe having an intentional arc that somehow got aborted. People just saw the potential for her to have one and argue that potential is the same as an aborted arc when it really, really isn't.

To give an analogy, Chloe's story is like walking into the kitchen and seeing grandma laying out the ingredients for her famous chocolate chip cookies. We get excited because, hey, cookies! Then we come back an hour later and there are no cookies. Nor is there some other sweet that uses the same ingredients. There's just ingredients, sitting unused in their original packaging, making us wonder what the heck grandma was up to. At the same time, she never really started making cookies. She just set out ingredients. They're still there, totally unused, waiting to be made into something, so we can't call them a failed cookie attempt. That implies a level of commitment that was never there. She didn't even say that she was making cookies! We just assumed she was because we, understandably, wanted cookies and wanted to believe that grandma had a purpose to her actions.

[keicordelle]

Re:vale ✩ First Impressions

[randik-86]

I always thought I had set the perfect plan,

Things I had accepted that I would end up doing on my own,

But then you unexpectedly appeared in my life,

Throwing me off track,

Keeping my guard up,

Too afraid to let you in,

Not wanting you creep into my life,

Being too fucked up from the past,

Having loved once before,

Hiding away in the dark,

Staying strong enough to survive,

But it was inevitable,

The feelings that have grown,

The closer you get to me,

Touching every part of my darkness,

Bringing me to your light,

Flooding my mind with thoughts of you,

Your name engraved on my heart,

Filling me with the air that I need to breathe,

Thanking you for making me believe again,

For being my inspiration...

©️randik86

[littencloud9]

PKAY OKAY.

kunichuu and “i do not need a stool!”

kunichuu I MISS THEM (theyve never spoke). have some kunikida (lovingly) making fun of chuuya

—

“I can do it myself.”

“I’m not saying you can’t, Chuuya, but the stool is right there—”

“I do not need a stool!”

Kunikida holds his hands up placatingly as Chuuya whips around to glare at him, a furious fire in their eyes. They turn back to their mission—to retrieve a jar of pickles from the highest shelf without the use of their ability.

How silly. Chuuya doesn’t even like pickles. They’re just trying to grab some because Kunikida wanted them.

He lets Chuuya continue trying for a full, generous ten seconds, before snickering and walking up behind them. Chuuya gasps as Kunikida wraps his hands around their waist, lifting them up in the air.

Chuuya obediently retrieves the jar, but when Kunikida sets them back down, they storm out of the kitchen. Kunikida would think they were mad if there wasn’t an obvious blush on their cheeks, almost as red as their hair.

“You’re welcome!” he shouts after his partner.

“Fuck you!”

Kunikida shakes his head. He lets Chuuya stew in their embarrassment for a bit before using the ace up his sleeve.

“Chuuya, love, I can’t open the jar.”

Silence.

“Can you help me please?”

A few angry stomps. Chuuya reappears, snatching the jar from him and opening it with ease. When they pass it back, Kunikida bends down to kiss their cheek. “Thank you.”

Chuuya’s glare doesn’t waver, but they grab Kunikida’s collar and drag him down for a proper kiss instead.

[kay-jaye]

now that's just cruel, darling

A small thing, sometime in the 1950s when Crowley gets lonely.

*****

Crowley had been extra fidgety since he entered the bookshop that night. The closest thing to a reply Aziraphale received when he asked the demon if he was alright, was a discombobulated jumble of noises, but Crowley had accepted the cup of tea and invitation to stay nonetheless.

At least out loud, Aziraphale didn’t dare attribute Crowley’s behavior to loneliness. The way Crowley seemed to linger in every door frame, even when Aziraphale only needed to pop into the next room for a moment, like he was afraid to let the angel out of his sight, certainly pointed that direction, though.

When Aziraphale grabbed a book and made to settle on the couch, he watched the demon hesitate, unshielded yellow eyes darting between the space next to Aziraphale and the armchair by his desk. Aziraphale would’ve rolled his eyes if he wasn’t so worried for Crowley’s sake, but instead procured another blanket and patted the cushion beside him.

A few minutes went by, enough time for Aziraphale to become immersed in his book. That was how long it took Crowley to give up on bouncing his leg and set down the empty teacup he’d been cradling in his hands. When the cushions dipped, Aziraphale’s eyes didn’t leave the page as Crowley curled onto the couch so that he was lying with the top of his head pressed against Aziraphale’s leg.

The itch to care almost overrode his motor control, and he felt red hair brush his wrist, felt the exact moment Crowley relaxed into his side. The curve of the demon’s nose buried itself into a soft thigh, and Aziraphale glanced down, fighting the urge to reach out, touch, do anything worth a semblance of comfort.

“Darling,” he sighed.

Crowley’s head shifted, digging the point of that nose deeper into Aziraphale’s leg, then retreating so that Crowley could mumble into his own chest. “Aziraphale,” he said, looking and sounding so much smaller. There was a certain tenseness now that hadn’t been there before. The once boneless demon had gone rather stiff, and Aziraphale could hear the coming wave build as Crowley tightened his arms around himself. “Why do you do that?”

Aziraphale didn’t like these moments. He enjoyed the unspoken-ness of it, the quiet closeness during nights like this when Crowley would take a step over the carefully drawn line, and Aziraphale would let him right up to the point when Crowley would ask. Greedy, that’s what he was, and selfish too. Principality Aziraphale, Angel of the Eastern Gate, just as merciless as Her when it came to punishing angels for asking questions. The truth was, Aziraphale liked these moments until they culminated in a hard stop, and he was forced to walk them both back to reality. It was always nice while it lasted and dreadful when it ended because Aziraphale would wait years for Crowley’s courage to make an appearance again just to wash it away like the tide coming home.

“Do what?” Aziraphale asked.

“Aziraphale,” repeated Crowley, more exasperated and frustrated and entirely too heartbroken. “For an angel,” he said, “you say the cruelest things.”

Crowley sat up, hands on either side of his legs, fingers gripping the edge of the couch. His posture looked so out of place compared to his usual lounging.

The ache in Aziraphale’s bones, however, was all too familiar. “Crowley—”

“Darling.”

Aziraphale’s heart lurched at the sight of yellow eyes firmly on his. The word was sweeter on Crowley’s tongue than he could’ve imagined.

Be still; he’s not calling you that, you idiot.

“I’m a demon”—Crowley shook his head and turned away—“but sometimes you’re just as cruel, angel.”

Aziraphale vaguely recalled a line supposed to be here somewhere, but it had transformed into something twistedly snake-like. He was unsure which side they were on anymore.

There was always a bit of anger in conversations like these. But Aziraphale knew Crowley was tired. He was lonely. What was one night out of 6,000?

Aziraphale placed a hand on Crowley’s shoulder and gently maneuvered him back down. This time, he allowed his fingers to card through hair. Crowley made a small noise.

“You know,” Aziraphale said.

Nothing but silence for a beat, then Crowley murmuring back, “I know.”

Aziraphale found it difficult to focus on reading, but he refused to put his book down. A façade. If Heaven was really watching, they would’ve noticed he didn’t turn a single page the rest of the night, but the hand on Crowley’s head never stopped.

“Nngh, you can…” Crowley nudged Aziraphale’s leg once more. “Be as cruel as you like, angel.”

But only when Aziraphale was sure Crowley had fallen asleep did he whisper it again.

[cryptidm0ths]

Vvvvvv messy doodles of magical girl au

[yundeob]

sighing as I look through the smut tags for jongho and it’s just ot8 stuff

[beccawise7]

Kiss him hard. Love him deep. Touch him softly. Whimper when he takes you to that special place... that only he can. Listen to his worries and normalize telling him how valuable he is.

Men need to know they matter as much as women do.

~beccawise7💜🖤

[thejacketscloset]

Did I ever post my ghost playlist from forever ago? I feel like I need to... I also feel like I need to write smth abt Soap and Ghost going on leave n silly fluff and Ghost sharing his music with Soap. ..... yeah....

[jesperr-fahey]

and what if i already wanna write ds9 fanfic. after only watching 9 episodes. what then.

[corrupteddoodles]

behold: an autistic teenager who’s never voice acted before in her life attempts to voiceover cyn from murder drones

[knifeslidez]

ok i know everyone has different interpretations of the killjoys and i love that but the second someone he/him's party poison my immersion is broken

[tubbytarchia]

trade offer (mutuals edition):

I receive: new art friend bestie

you receive: new writing friend bestie

*frantic whispering to the fourth wall* is this how you make friends?? am I doing this right??

FRIEND GET!!!?? YEAH SURE!!!!

dw I dont know how to do this either. You just gotta kinda go and throw yourself at people I guess!!