#the story of zeus and europe

[wisdomchronicles]

Zeus is TERRIFIED of His Own Kids...the Prophecy is Coming

[illustratus]

"Creta" Crete. Europa e il Toro | Europa and the Bull

[doubleddenden]

So the stories leaked from gen 4 development are certainly interesting, eh? I'm sure everyone has their own feelings about it- some of you are apparently ECSTATIC about fucking your Machokes. Good for you, my guy. Some are horrified, thinking something's been defiled (it is fiction and most importantly non canon, you're fine, get a grip).

Me? I think the lady (yes, it was a lady) that wrote all of these is REALLY PASSIONATE about her craft, and was also referencing real world mythos and how they portray similar instances- I think we all know that Zeus has probably done worse on all giving and receiving ends of these stories, as well as Poseidon, Loki, and probably some other myths from Europe, China, and definitely JAPAN- key word there. In fact, the Typhlosion story is probably a reference to a similar story about a badger yokai that can alter its face to appear human, and the Octillery story is definitely a reference to- well, tentacle porn is a thing for a reason that goes pretty far back as a way to get around censorship in hand painted porn. The contents of the story aren't really much different or more terrifying than mythos we'd see in the real world (or if you're in the bible belt like me, probably EXPOSED to with morning bible studies before class growing up), and it's mainly just shocking to see it in the context of Pokemon.

And I think that's kind of the point. Sinnoh is already a pretty dark region in terms of lore and myth, and has surprisingly religious undertones considering the family friendly nature of Pokemon and its general target audience. Obviously none of the horse, badger, sloth monkey, octopus, god, or... Lapras fucking made it to the final cut, although in Japan they still reference People and Pokemon being so equal at some point that they could marry- that's even kind of referenced in Legends Arceus with I think a diary written by a man kidnapped by a Froslass? its been a minute, but you probably know what I'm referencing.

I think an interesting question would be "How did we get to these terrifying stories?" Especially Typhlosion and Slakoth.

Its important to remember this: None of this was meant to see the light of day outside that office circa 2003 to 2004ish. Yeah, surprisingly you weren't supposed to see the story of a man fucking an Octillery BEFORE throwing it back out to sea in a rated E for everyone game, and you didn't! You saw it via twitter, reddit, 4chan, tumblr, discord, or your local weed guy who all spread it from someone who got it from confidential office logs we wouldn't see unless someone took that info from Game Freak's darkest depths of other secrets they'd prefer to keep hidden. Every game and media company has this, good and bad, to various degrees of sfw and not. Did you know Disney has an entire vault of actual PORN that animators would make of their own anthropomorphized characters? Locked nice and safely, too... with uh, some exceptions breaking containment, I think?

So with that being said, we understand this is meant to be privileged info only a handful of people were supposed to see. That means they can use words and stuff you normally wouldn't see- Adventure time for instance had Finn and Jake saying "fuck" in story boarding, kinda funny- because its meant to be workshopped and tinkered with, refined until you get something desirable.

In fact, creators will often propose darker ideas than what they actually want so that they can more easily talk censors into an outcome they ACTUALLY desire. Alex Hirsch did this a few times in Gravity Falls' production, and you know Disney was a bitch to deal with (although he probably didn't propose stuff like this, but you get the idea). So this being said- Obviously nobody wants a story about a Typhlosion engaging in a non-con relationship with a minor it kidnaps. Nobody wants to read a story about humans MUTILATING Slakoths for fun and then getting revenge impregnated by a Slaking, only to give birth to a Slakoth and have it killed and thus kill yourself out of grief for your lost child (people reading this without context- ho boy you guys have missed out on some crazy shit that's popped up). So what is okay from here?

Maybe a little Pokemon death after going a while without it and accruing a reputation of being safe for kids? Mention of Pokemon bones being picked clean of meat and put back into a river so it can come back reborn? Some darker undertones of Pokemon being tormented by Team Galactic? How about a story of a boy slaying Pokemon with a sword, but less detail of mutilation of Ursaring and Slakoth? All of this made it into Diamond and Pearl, didn't it? Add in a little Human and Pokemon "Marriage" that is easily scrubbed out and replaced with "eating at the same table" for the more sensitive Western audience, and you have some pretty believable, dark, somewhat uncomfortable but child friendly lore for Pokemon.

Not to mention, a lot of this was probably pitched just to get a feel of the vibe they were going for in the game. If you read back through the stories, bits and pieces end up being used in other, non Poke-fucking stories, or recontextualized. See the above.

While its certainly a relief that they're non canon, it is a rather interesting look at the development of gen 4 lore and actually makes it feel more... realistic, in a way- again, comparing it to real world mythos and religious tales. That, and honestly? The religious backstory is actually, unironically amazing- HEAVILY based on real world religion, but plenty of real world religions steal from other religions and mythos anyway (coughchristianitycough).

Its actually a bit sad, because in any other JRPG, Arceus becoming a wounded woman that an ordinary man cares for, Arceus falling in love with this man because he treated her so tenderly, bearing human twins, the twins becoming Dialga and Palkia to fight some Titan that would become Mt Coronet, and Arceus loving this man so much that she took his soul to create Azelf, Uxie, and Mesprit to spread love and joy throughout the world? That would literally be INSANELY GOOD world building. Plus! Arceus was a human woman when she did this! It was also consensual! Can you imagine what the world would have been like if we had gotten not only FEMALE Arceus- god of all Pokemon universes- but also a HUMAN INCARNATION of her? And this was BEFORE Giratina came into the picture, apparently. If anything, we got robbed a bit of some deep lore and potential story telling from this being cut, imo.

But one more thing to consider is this: All the stories, even if they did make it to the final cut, would still be stories within a story. Fictional folktales within a fictional setting. If we judge the above by how relevant the ACTUAL content that made it into the games were to the actual overarching plot... It'd be overall kinda useless beyond some flavor text. That's kind of the sad fact of it. Pokemon Players especially, grown adults too, are not exactly known to be well read and some play the game by rapidly A pressing every ounce of dialog they come across, even in brand new playthroughs. I'm sure some remember that one idiot on twitter that thought he made the discovery of the century when he found Snowpoint Temple in Legends Arceus, right? So understandably, especially when you're working on a clock, on limited space, on new and unfamiliar hardware, and trying to be as broad and reachable to audiences as you can- things get cut. Even... Some of the coolest lore building of all time SERIOUSLY A FUCKING PANTHEON WHAT THE HELL.

And I lied, there is one more thing to consider, especially for anyone actually morally offended by some of the content mentioned- Keep in mind that this is in 2003 to 2005ish Japan, with Game Freak (who we know are pretty out of touch in some regards, even by today's standards), before twitter, before tumblr, during a more edgy time for... well, everyone alive at the time, and especially adults. That's 20 years ago. Some of you may not have been alive at that point (did you finish your snacks and juice, lil guy?), some of you probably had a lot of your formative education influenced by the more puritanical side of tumblr or twitter, but it was simply a different time and place. That's it. The people involved in this have moved on and have probably grown into better people, and probably haven't made more fics like this. Maybe. Who knows. It's fiction anyway, and nobody real got hurt from it, and that's what's most important at the end of the day.

So that's my thoughts on it. I think I'm more annoyed by the fact that one of my favorites got a worse Vaporeon treatment than anything, and there's possibly the risk of Nintendo/TPC/Game Freak overreacting and gatekeeping Typhlosion out of the games for a bit. Sigh. My first pokemon, man. Well, anyway, try not to take it too seriously if you see the jokes and memes about it. It'll pass.

But hey, sexy Latina Skyla is canon! Shadow the Hedgehog wins!

[childolight]

I think a lot of people forget about how the Trojan war even happened so I’ll do a retelling of it very quickly :D don’t be afraid to correct me if I am wrong this is just my knowledge!!

SO BASICALLY.. Peleus and Thetis were getting married and the gods were JOYOUS of this marriage as they were invited to it. Eris, goddess of discord was not invited to the wedding. Eris had thought of a plan to absolutely RUIN the party so she had bought a golden apple and told everyone that the apple was “to the fairest one”.

Now remember, there were gods there, Specifically: Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite. The goddesses pleaded to Zeus to choose which one of them was more beautiful and Zeus declined to declare one of them, so he told Hermes to give the apple to Alexander (Paris) and told him to choose.

Which brings us to ‘The Judgement of Paris’. The three goddesses, Hermes and Paris had all collected to Mount Ida, where Paris was now to pick a goddess.

The three goddesses tried to bribe him; Hera offered to make him king of Europe and Asia, Athena offered him wisdom and skill in war, Aphrodite (Who had charm and song enhancements xD) offered him the most beautiful woman in the word; Helen of Sparta. Paris accepted Aphrodites gift declaring her as the fairest maiden and in return he had gotten Helen.

The Greeks were ENRAGED! They set out to bring back Helen from the Trojan’s. SOME stories say that Helen was kidnapped while others say she had fallen in love with Paris while she was with him.

One of the MANY reasons why the goddesses; Athena , Hera and Aphrodite were very big in the Trojan War was because Athena and Hera favored the Greeks and Aphrodite (bringing ares in it) Favored the Trojan’s XD..

THATS ALL!! thanks for reading :) have a wonderful day.

[zerogate]

I am sure that many readers can relate if I say that learning about Byzantium feels like discovering the sunken civilization of Atlantis. You can read a thousand books about the “Middle Ages”, even do a Ph.D. in “Medieval Studies” (as I did), and hardly ever hear about Byzantium. And then, one day, when you thought you knew your basics about the turn of the first millennium AD, you read something like this:

At the turn of the first millennium the empire of New Rome was the oldest and most dynamic state in the world and comprised the most civilized portions of the Christian world. Its borders, long defended by native frontier troops, were being expanded by the most disciplined and technologically advanced army of its time. The unity of Byzantine society was grounded in the equality of Roman law and a deep sense of a common and ancient Roman identity; cemented by the efficiency of a complex bureaucracy; nourished and strengthened by the institutions and principles of the Christian Church; sublimated by Greek rhetoric; and confirmed by the passage of ten centuries. At the end of the reign of Basileios II (976-1025), the longest in Roman history, its territory included Asia Minor and Armenia, the Balkan peninsula south of the Danube, and the southern regions of both Italy and the Crimea. Serbia, Croatia, Georgia, and some Arab emirates in Syria and Mesopotamia had accepted a dependent status.

[...]

Byzantine revisionism starts by putting Constantinople back on the map. Throughout the Middle Ages, it was by far the largest city in the Christian world. According to Runciman, its population reached one million in the twelfth century, counting the suburbs. Its wealth deeply impressed all newcomers. In the twelfth-century French roman Partonopeu de Blois, Constantinople is the name of Paradise, a city of gold, ivory and precious stones. Robert de Clari, who was among the crusaders who sacked it in 1204, marveled: “Since the creation of this world, such great wealth had neither been seen nor conquered.” Up to that point, Constantinople was the greatest international trade center, linking China, India, Arabia, Europe and Africa.

Constantinople must also be restored to its proper place in the timeline. Anthony Kaldellis writes:

Byzantine civilization began when there were still some people who could read and write in Egyptian hieroglyphics; the oracle of Delphi and the Olympic games were still in existence; and the main god of worship in the east was Zeus. When Byzantium ended, the world had cannons and printing presses, and some people who witnessed the fall of Constantinople in 1453 lived to hear about Columbus’s journey to the New World. Chronologically, Byzantium spans the entire arc from antiquity to the early modern period, and its story is intertwined with that of all the major players in world history on this side of the Indus river.

-- Laurent Guyénot, Byzantine Revisionism Unlocks World History

[mask131]

So many lasting Greek mythology misinterpretation today could be avoided so simply if people just thought about what they are saying and doing. Really, it's just a question of thinking in a logical way.

Like Medusa, you know? There are so many people who literaly didn't notice that there was a slight problem when you said on one side "Medusa was the daughter of primordial two gods, and the sister of many monsters and dragons of Greek mythology" and on the other "She was a regular human priestess turned into a monster by the gods". For them it was just... normal, I guess? When the answer to this incoherence is just quite simple: Medusa started out, in Greek mythology, as a divine monster born out of the primordial forces of the world ; the story of Medusa as a human priestess comes from Roman literature when they reinvented the Greek myths. People just confused the two: as simple as that.

But people don't want to look at the incoherences of the "popular culture" version of mythology, apparently. I was doing this post initially upon seeing yet again depictions of Zeus and Poseidon as old men with white beards. Which is something that always bugs me for one simple reason: Everybody agrees and says the Greek gods are eternally young and cannot age. Why then are Zeus and Poseidon, THE gods by default, always depicted as old men?

For many people it's simple and clear-cut, somehow, but it is such a massive incoherence, especially since all the other gods are shown as young. And the answer is so simple if people just bothered looking for it: Zeus and Poseidon, were bearded men in Ancient Greek art, but had BLACK beards (or "blue" depending on if you understand literaly the Homeric names). They were adult men, but not OLD men (as opposed to the "beardless youth", who were basically in their 20s whereas the "bearded gods" are like... in their 30s or something).

The whole "old thing" is just resulting on the HUGE reinvention Europe made of Greek mythology from the Renaissance onward, mixing the "All Greek statues are white, so the gods were white-like" misunderstanding with the old, "acceptable" concept that god-rulers had to be like the Biblical or Christian patriarchs, elderly men with white or grey beards.

I don't mind per se the idea of Zeus or Poseidon being an older guy, because it is indeed now part of popular culture and it has been around for too many centuries to ignore or reject. Plus, it can be a good way to fight the ageism inherent to Greek mythology by depicting gods as elderly but still beautiful and "perfect" (which is what Renaissance art onward actually did). But it doesn't change the fact that it is not accurate to Greek mythology, and that it is HUGE and ancient misunderstanding.

Like Dionysos or Aphrodite being fat - it is something acceptable and understandable today, and it is justifiable in many ways (from cultural precedent to positive evolutions of our modern era)... But it is still a reinvention of Greek mythology, and not a faithful reproduction or an accurate depiction of how the Greek gods were. Because Ancient Greeks were fatphobic as fuck, to use modern terms. But beyond that, we enter into the whole debate of the artistic freedom, and the importance of reinventing and playing with myths and legends to keep them "alive", and that's an entirely different topic.

(Funnily enough, since I am bringing the Aphrodite business: yes, making her fat or middle-aged is not accurate to how the Greeks saw her, and is bringing modern era ideals, if Renaissance can be considered "modern", to Ancient matters. At least with the Romans, there's something justifiable because they had a "mother-goddess" thing going on with Venus, but for the Greeks Aphrodite was young and fat was ugliness, that's for certain. HOWEVER! The funny thing is that all those comics and movies depicting Aphrodite as a literal pin-up with a tiny waist but a huge butt and enormous boobs is just as inaccurate and "wrong" compared to the Ancient Greeks beauty canon. Because while Ancient Greeks hated people being too fat or too skinny, considering this "ugly", they also disliked people being too "developed". When a guy was too muscular, or had too large of a dick, he was considered ugly and visually "vulgar" (which is why grotesque figure like the satyrs had these huge sexual organs, and statues of the gods had tiny ones ; and Herakles doesn't look as much of a bodybuilder as super-hero comics depict him). So to have Aphrodite as just big boobs and butt on a stick is basically also making a goddess that the Ancient Greeks would have deemed ugly and "vulgar"/"grotesque", if not repulsive.

So you know... We can criticize the mainstream media alongside the new reinventions of today, because EVERYBODY'S WRONG and that's the fun of it Xp)

[vay99]

Hades x reader

Queen of hell

Anime/Manga: Shuumatsu no valkyrie

"The Queen of hell?" Hades raises an eyebrow, not quite getting what his nephew means by that.

"She was a Queen of a country that used to rule over most of asia and europe. Her army consisted mainly women and the wars she fought were legendary. But the winners write the stories so when she died in her last battle she got called a demon, a witch, the devil. Through out history she's known as The Queen of hell, and her empire is referred to as Hell is a place on earth. That's pretty much everything I know." Hermes concludes his history lecture.

"So she's a Queen of the underworld? Why isn't she fighting?"

"She denied the offer, she didn't give a reason." he shrugs his shoulders, watching Hades walk past him.

He was walking around the underground of the arena when he overhears an argument.

"You're just as worthless as the time you were the Queen of hell!" some guy yells while another slaps you across the face.

"You b***h, bow before us, we've killed you so you belong to us!"

"We've freed everyone from your hell!"

"Show us soms respect!" just as one of the kings is about to slap you again you block his arm, breaking his instead.

"I never liked men that force women into submissiveness. All you ever did was to drink, eat and grow fat as your countries crashed under the weight of inequality. You ruled your hell and now I'll rule mine." you spit back, walking past, noticing someone at the end of the hallway.

"You want to join them or what?"

"Well that's a way of greeting a god." Hades muses, enjoying what he saw of you so far. "The Queen of hell I believe?"

"y/n, just y/n."

"y/n... I like the sound of that. I'm Hades, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Hades? As in God of the underworld?" you ask him. "You don't take requests by humans for any chance?"

"That depends." his curiosity kicks in, interested to hear your request.

"Could you show these fckers what hell looks like? You know, the usual 'cooking them in a hot bowl' kinda hell?"

"That's an interesting picture of hell you've got there." the God laughs. "If you'd let me borrow a bit of your time I'll make that possible."

"Deal!" you agree immediately, not questioning the fact that you kinda just made a pact with the devil.

For the next 2 days Ragnarok pauses, therefore Hades fully uses those to get to know you better. He even took you to hell with him... where you immediately befriended Cerberus.

"Can I adopt him please?"

And that's when he knew.

"You've been spending a lot of time with that human." Zeus comments, watching his brother take a seat next to him, watching the battle begin once again.

"I've always enjoyed humans, the way they can turn from good to bad by a finger snap or how some don't even give up their kindness as they live through hell." he answers calmly, he was never an enemy of humanity, rather the one to enjoy watching their development. "And if you hurt her by any means I'll make sure to show you how hell looks like."

Not waiting for a response Hades leaves, him and Zeus were never as close as he was with Poseidon. "You would've understood."

"Looks like the human is gonna loose." you comment, throwing another grape into you mouth. "Want one?"

"No thanks." Hades denies your offer, standing next to you at the highest point of the arena.

"Why didn't you watch with the other Gods?"

"We have our differences regarding this fight."

"Oh right, you believe humans deserve to live." you roll your eyes, eating the last grape.

"Why didn't you participate?" Hades asks the question that's been eating him up inside. Knowing you were in the panel, with great fighting skills, you denied, and he can't wrap his head around the reason.

"What is there left to fight for? A world full of people who believe I was a monster? Rather than trying to repaint a canvas you could just start it all over again."

"So you don't want to save humanity? Not guide them onto the right path?"

"How would I know what's the right path? I only know that mankind won't change. They despised me for being a women who fought better than them. Just because I ruled over the biggest kingdom in history men decided to throw me off the throne. And they haven't changed yet. Men still try to make empires crumble that women have build. The real hell was the one they have created to tear me down."

Taking a few minutes to let your words sink in Hades starts to laugh. Which you have haven't seen him do so far.

"Something funny?"

"Yeah." he chuckles, calming down again. "This is exactly why I love humanity. Those who learn from the mistakes in the past will create a stronger future and those who don't come to hell, where I take care of them. Lately your species has too many of those for me to take care of alone though."

"Wait, so you wants humans to win so you can torture those who don't evolve?" you sum up what he just said, staring up to him.

"Yes, exactly."

"You live my dream life, damn it."

"I mean, there's a spot open if you'd like it."

"Spot open? That sounds like a job offer." you laugh. "But I'll take it."

With that you actually made a pact, which made you half human half God. You became his right hand after the humans won Ragnarok and assisted him to take all those evolutionary failures off of earth.

*Just a smaaaall time skip*

"I can't believe it's been 100 years already." you chuckle. "And you never forget to prepare the best dinner."

"It's our anniversary y/n."

"Yeah, of being the God of Hell and his assistant." you fill up your wine glass and his.

"Sounds as if you're sick of that title." he raises a brow.

"Not sick as in hate it but as in... Am I just an assistant for you?" you rub your neck, staring at your plate.

"You've never been just an assistant for me, in fact, since day 2 I knew that one day or another I'd ask you."

"Ask me what?" you look up to him, not sure what to expect.

"How about I make you and actual ruler of Hell?" he forms you a crown, matching his eyepatch from the design and color.

"Is there some form of ritual? Or is it just the regular 'I do' we do on earth?" you joke, not believing that he's serious.

"You'd become my wife, Goddess of hell."

"Wait, hold up now, I'm gonna be the what of the what now?" you take a few sips from your wine. "Hades, we aren't even dating yet, how???"

"You've been trying to confess for me for quite some time now so I thought I could sped up the process. Didn't want to propose without knowing you're sure about your feelings."

"Wait you knew?"

"It was obvious darling." he sips on his glass, watching your face grow as red as the wine.

"I'm sorry okay! Every time I tried some idiot landed in hell and started whining, or your lovely brother dropped by."

"Or you got cold feet."

"Shut up! You're the only talking! You could've confessed first, you knew for 100 years! Who waits 100 years!?" you flip it around, making Hades search for excuses now.

"You know what, I don't care anymore."

"Why? About what?" Hades eyes grow bigger, anxious he might have upset you.

"I'll become you wife so we can skip this dating part and start a new chapter." you put the crown on your head. "Now you'll be mine forever."

"That was the idea behind it." he pulls you close, adjusting a few hair stands. "Plus, you're much better at ruling hell than I am and I can't help but loving the idea of your throne right next to mine."

Pulling you into a kiss he pulls you onto his lap.

"I'd rather sit on your throne with you but having my own throne sounds nice as well."

"Anything my Queen wants."

[gabelesimp]

Okay, This is some hardcore shit but-

TW: Drinking, Alcohol

But, how high is their alcohol tolerance?

Both Humans and Gods!!

Norse Pantheon!

Valkyries: Brunhilde, Hrist, Geirölul and Thrud may have a high tolerance for alcohol, only Wine and Spirit.

Thor and Odin: Yes.

Loki: Can only handle Wine(Idk, there's not many stories of him drinking in Norse mythology)

Seigfried: (How the fuck do you spell his name- I keep forgetting-) Yes.

Greek Pantheon!!

Zeus: Yes, but he'd throw up after.

Poseidon: Prefers Wine.

Hades: Same as Poseidon, but likes Champagne and sometimes likes gin.

Hermes: Just Wine.

Ares: He has a bit of a weak tolerance, and would totally black out.

Aphrodite: Same as Hermes.

Heracles: He doesn't drink (I mean, just look at him, does he drink??)

Apollo: Yes. He has a high tolerance, but only drinks during occasions.

Leonidas: Yes, Wine is at its finest. He would probably like Beer, Vodka and Margaritas once he tried them.

Hindu Pantheon!!

Shiva, Indra and Rudra: Fucking High. And of course, they like Mahua or rice beer or wine.

Shiva's wives(yes the three of them.): Take it lightly, and just drink for fun! Rice wine or if they want to take it to the next, Rum.

Asia!!

Seven Lucky Gods: Yes, except the young one (I forgot who they are-) Benzaiten loves to get drunk, while Bishamonten would scold her.

Zerofuku: No. The Innocent boy doesn't drink.

Buddha: kinda? Lol, drunk after two glasses

Kojiro Sasaki: Maybe? Gramps likes Sake or Amazake.

Okita: No.

Kintoki: Yes. Likes Awamori.

Qin Shi Huang: Yes. There's nothing that a king can't handle! Loves Osmanthus wine, Huangjiu and Baijiu.

Raiden: Yes, but doesn't drink often. Sake is his to go.

Lu Bu: Idk, He's like the type to likes to drink but doesn't at the same time-

Europe!!

Jack the Ripper: No, I don't think he drinks.

Nikola Tesla: Kinda? Often busy to drink.

Science crew: Newton has a high Tolerance, Marie and Noble do too. Galileo would take it easy, Einstein would too. But, Edison. He's a party animal-

Bible!!

Adam: No. He doesn't know what Alcohol is. (Including his family.)

Beelzebub: Maybe? Hades would invite him over for some wine.

Lilith: Yes, Wine Momma.

Lucifer: Lol, Yes. He loves Rum.

(RAAAAAAAA IDK ANYMOREEE)

Honorary Mentions: @average-lovejoy-listener, @kushii-huang, @riseofamoonycake ❣️❣️

[alpaca-clouds]

Greek Mythology and the Thing often overlooked

I have recently been thinking a lot about mythology adaptions in media, especially with the new season of Blood of Zeus being out, me finding out some interesting things, and also me reading into Greek history.

Within Western Circles it is pretty universally accepted, that everyone can use Greek Mythology as a free for all, because it is white, European culture, and we were the ones doing the colonialism and stuff. So while a white person using Japanese mythology for example can be quite iffy, it is totally fine if anyone uses Greek mythology. Because it is like part of the western canon.

Buuuuuuuut... It is kinda a lot more complicated than that, right?

The issue is, of course, that Greece is part of Europe, yes, but the Greek myths are not that widely known because Greece went around at some point pushing their gods on everyone, who would listen (like Christians do), but rather, because the Romans took those gods and myth, while they colonized Greece, and then popularized the stuff. And more than that, because later on the British Empire found those stories and was like: "Oh, this is a neat thing to build our idea of white superiority on. Hey, hey, Greece, nobody said that you are white, did we?"

Because, let's face it. In most of Europe for most of the time the Meditterrean people were not considered to be white. Including the Greece. And I mean, I kinda knew that, but I never really thought about this until recently.

The moment I actually thought about this was actually, when I was looking through the VA profiles of Castlevania, found out that Theo James was actually Greek, and went like: "Oh, that is actually really neat." And then I was like: "Why though?" And then I went: "Ooooooh."

Same happened when I realized that Blood of Zeus is actually written by Greek writers. (Mind you, I still am not a huge fan of the series, but still, I think this fact is neat.)

It is in general something I am realizing more and more. How our discourse about colonialism often lacks a lot of nuance in those regards. And because of that the discourse about stuff like cultural appropriation does, too.

Especially as cultural appropriation is already such a big, complicated issue, that is far from Black and White.

Still, considering the history, I do not think that it is fair to look at Greece in the same way we do look at the actually colonial empires like Britain, Spain, Portugal, France, Belgium and Germany for the most part. Because their history is quite a different one and a lot more complicated.

[fleacollar999]

w-werewolf ideas? -pleading eyes- (but only if ur up for it)

Hello, friend, I am finally here with my treatise on Medieval Werewolves. So this is going to be more like a Brief History of Werewolves as I Can Remember It Off the Top of My Head, Over A Year Since I Read Most of These Sources, than maybe the list of werewolf fucking ideas you might have been looking for. I hope you will agree that this rich history of werewolf lore is a GOLDMINE when you view it with the monster fucking lens. Now, the story I've been working on only has incidental werewolf-fucking, it's not a Monster Fucking story, but I will do my best to help you.

WEREWOLVES ARE REALLY FUCKING OLD. The first recorded "beast-man" is in the Epic of Gilgamesh (~2100 BCE), where Enkidu is a "bull-man" that Gilgamesh helps to find his humanity. Not werewolf specific, per se, but monster fuckers have been around a while. The most famous early werewolf is Lycaon of Arcadia (I believe a date of around 400 BCE), a king who fed Zeus the flesh of his own son cause he thought it would be funny, I guess. Zeus turned Lycaon into a wolf, or wolf-man, and that's where the word Lycan comes from. This also establishes a connection of werewolves with cannibalism.

So now I am actually going to fast forward to the Middle Ages. There is a rich, rich history of werewolves in Europe, particularly in the Slavic and Baltic regions. In Renaissance Germany, werewolf trials were held alongside witch trials. The Malleus Maleficarum, written in 1486 and was like *the* handbook for witch hunting, contained passages on identifying and capturing werewolves. (I'm pretty sure. Like I said it's been a year since I read this stuff.) So what did medieval people believe about werewolves?

There were many ways to become a werewolf. You could have the bad luck to be born on Christmas Day or (interestingly) the night of a New Moon. If you drank water that collected in the pawprint of a werewolf, you too would be cursed. If you died and an animal jumped over your corpse? Werewolf. In Livonia, it was said that if you spoke a certain incantation over your drink, you would become a werewolf upon consuming it. There were also ways to be a werewolf were one had more agency in the transformation. A wolf-pelt belt (often called a "wolf-strap", which cracks me up for reasons we won't discuss here) could be used to transform yourself into a wolf. To become human again, all you had to do was remove the belt. Some people believed you could do the same with a wolf skin. There are stories where if a werewolf's clothes are stolen while they're in wolf form, they will remain that way-- you can read about one such story, as recorded by tumblr user @qqueenofhades here! In Elliott O'Donnell's 1912 book simply titled Werewolves, there is a description of a ritual to summon some dark entity called "the Unknown" who could supposedly grant you powers of lycanthropy. Maybe don't do that. (This book also discusses other, non-European forms of Lycanthropy!)

There are ways for a non-lycan person to return a lycan to their human form; one can return their clothes to them, one can call them by their Christian name (sometimes 3 times, sometimes just once). There are accounts of a witness recognizing the werewolf due to some identifiable injury or something, and once they speak the werewolf's name he will turn back into a human.

Some ways to recognize if a person is a werewolf or not: do they have hair growing on their palms? If you cut them, is there hair growing inward from their skin? Are they just so, so hairy? In Swedish tradition, I believe, it was said that werewolves looked just like regular wolves except they had no tail-- so a werewolf would run on three legs, holding his fourth leg out behind him to look like a tail. Some werewolves still have human eyes when transformed.

A lot of the pop culture lore about werewolves comes from the 1941 The Wolf Man, which really brought the werewolf into modern times. You can check that out if you'd like, it's interesting stuff, but not in the scope of the research I've been doing.

OH MY GOD FLEA you just did a HUGE info dump on werewolves, this is not what I wanted. Yeah, I know, but you triggered my special interest gag-reflex.

But like.... Character A loves Character B and finds their clothes one night, takes them to wash, and a big hairy beast starts following Character A???

Character X gets attacked by a bad guy in the woods but a big ass wolf fends him off and gets a slice down his face. The next day Character Y has a nasty facial wound that seems somehow familiar??

The bond of being able to recognize your lover even when they're in animal form, even when you didn't know they could do that????

And I mean MY GOD just apply A/B/O shit to werewolves HELLO (that's what started this whole spiral for me).

I particularly like medieval monster fucking because the Middle Ages are just very interesting to me. There is a lot of political and religious stuff going on, a lot of culture clashing and forbidden fruit and what not. Remember how I said that there is a rich history of werewolves in the Slavic and Baltic regions? Those were the last areas of Europe to get converted to Christianity. And they resisted, HARD.

Livonia, the Baltic area where you could enchant your beer to make you a werewolf, has a famous account of a man on trial for being a werewolf. "Hell yeah I'm a werewolf," he said. "Me and my werewolf buddies go down to Hell three times a year to fight the Devil and his demons." If I recall correctly they weren't sure what to do with this guy because he *confessed* to being a werewolf and hadn't really done anything wrong. I believe there's another Livonian tale of an abandoned castle where all the werewolves gathered once a year. And something about werewolves breaking into your basement and drinking all your beer and stacking all the barrels up to the ceiling just to be little shits I guess?

Anyway, I think this is super interesting and I know this is not like "Medieval Werewolf Headcanons" but just get out your horny goggles and I am SURE you can find some good shit in this WAY TOO LONG POST.

Peace and LOve

[alexandra-scribbles]

Okay so I have been having thoughts so I shall burden ya’ll with them.

1. Could Jesus… be considered a demigod/half blood?

2. If the religious fanatism of the Catholic/Christian movement hadn’t erased other religions to the point of calling them ‘Myths and Lore’… could an argument be done on behalf of Jesus’ conception being similar of that of Zeus’ previous known and preferred ways to conceived children?

3. The known oldest biblical texts in existence (the silver scrolls) are dated 700-650 BCE. Why is it that Christianism/Catholicism was allowed to continue to expand when at the same time in other parts of Europe and Africa (And possibly the early American cultures that no one know about but that possibly had their own deities) cultures had their own religions and gods that got erased and labeled as fake by Christianism/Catholicism?

4. Why does Christianism gets to erase other deities and proclaim theirs as the one true religion?

5. Like sure, we get the story of Jesus and what he did… but we also know of the stories of Perseus, Hercules, Jason, who were also sons of ‘gods’… what’s up with that?

6. The sumerian tablets (with their own mithology) predate the bible by about 3000 years. Why are those not deemed as real why call their content mythology?

7. I just want to know how Catholicism/Christianism managed to basically erase everything else and remain the one thing that’s considered ‘true’ faith.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. If any of you have answers or thoughts that you might want to share. I am all ears (eyes).

[foodandfolklore]

The Queen Bee ~ Honey and it's associations

Honey is a staple is Kitchen Magic and Witchcraft. Honey jars and sweetener spells have become very popular in recent times. You fill a jar with the tag locks of a person you are aiming the spell towards, and their attitude towards you sweetens. Helpful in times when you may be feuding with a neighbor or have a problem colleague who just refuses to cooperate. Makes them more likely to be agreeable to reasonable requests.

That's also what honey can do in the kitchen. Add it to foods so when consumed by people it'll improve relations, strengthen friendships, and invoke peace. Honey is also heavily associated with Love, Passion, Healing/Health, Happiness, Prosperity, Spirituality and Wisdom.

Ancient cultures all over the world believe honey or bees were connected to the Gods. In Greek mythology, Zeus drank honey as a baby while his mother hid him from Cronus. The muses put the ability to sing in honey. Egyptians believed Bees carried messages from the Sun God Ra, and we've found honey in Egyptian tombs. The Celtics from Europe also had a similar belief that the bees carried messages from Gods; going back and forth between our world and their world.

Greeks, Romans, Norse, and more all considered Honey and Mead (An ale made from honey) to be nectar of the gods. Some cultures believed if you could consume enough of both, it would equate to ambrosia. A food that would grant you God like immortality and eternal youth. Even the book of Exodus could not deny how amazing honey is. As God promised the Israelites to free them from slavery and deliver them to a land flowing with Milk and Honey. Then while in their wandering limbo, God rained down a white snow for food that tasted like honey. This idea of Honey being tied to divine existence and better being is so tightly woven into our cultures. When Canada was trying to get more people to move from Europe to settle, they advertised with the tagline: Canada; a land of Milk and Honey. Honey is also a common term of affection for people in relationships or close family members.

But the Story I'm about to read has little to do with honey directly. It's just probably one of the more well known fairytales that has bees and honey in them. A Brothers Grimm tale, of course. But it showcases a lot of classic aspects of the effects honey can have, such as sweetening the demeaner of those around you, attracting love, and living life happy. Interestingly, this is a case where a character described as a 'Dwarf' does not seem to have a thick beard and lives in mines. Instead, we have a story staring a legitimate Little Person, which I thought was pretty cool.

The Queen Bee

Two kings’ sons once upon a time went into the world to seek their fortunes; but they soon fell into a wasteful foolish way of living, so that they could not return home again. Then their brother, who was a little insignificant dwarf, went out to seek for his brothers: but when he had found them they only laughed at him, to think that he, who was so young and simple, should try to travel through the world, when they, who were so much wiser, had been unable to get on. However, they all set out on their journey together, and came at last to an ant-hill. The two elder brothers would have pulled it down, in order to see how the poor ants in their fright would run about and carry off their eggs. But the little dwarf said, ‘Let the poor things enjoy themselves, I will not suffer you to trouble them.’

So on they went, and came to a lake where many many ducks were swimming about. The two brothers wanted to catch two, and roast them. But the dwarf said, ‘Let the poor things enjoy themselves, you shall not kill them.’ Next they came to a bees’-nest in a hollow tree, and there was so much honey that it ran down the trunk; and the two brothers wanted to light a fire under the tree and kill the bees, so as to get their honey. But the dwarf held them back, and said, ‘Let the pretty insects enjoy themselves, I cannot let you burn them.’

At length the three brothers came to a castle: and as they passed by the stables they saw fine horses standing there, but all were of marble, and no man was to be seen. Then they went through all the rooms, till they came to a door on which were three locks: but in the middle of the door was a wicket, so that they could look into the next room. There they saw a little grey old man sitting at a table; and they called to him once or twice, but he did not hear: however, they called a third time, and then he rose and came out to them.

He said nothing, but took hold of them and led them to a beautiful table covered with all sorts of good things: and when they had eaten and drunk, he showed each of them to a bed-chamber.

The next morning he came to the eldest and took him to a marble table, where there were three tablets, containing an account of the means by which the castle might be disenchanted. The first tablet said: ‘In the wood, under the moss, lie the thousand pearls belonging to the king’s daughter; they must all be found: and if one be missing by set of sun, he who seeks them will be turned into marble.’

The eldest brother set out, and sought for the pearls the whole day: but the evening came, and he had not found the first hundred: so he was turned into stone as the tablet had foretold.

The next day the second brother undertook the task; but he succeeded no better than the first; for he could only find the second hundred of the pearls; and therefore he too was turned into stone.

At last came the little dwarf’s turn; and he looked in the moss; but it was so hard to find the pearls, and the job was so tiresome!—so he sat down upon a stone and cried. And as he sat there, the king of the ants (whose life he had saved) came to help him, with five thousand ants; and it was not long before they had found all the pearls and laid them in a heap.

The second tablet said: ‘The key of the princess’s bed-chamber must be fished up out of the lake.’ And as the dwarf came to the brink of it, he saw the two ducks whose lives he had saved swimming about; and they dived down and soon brought in the key from the bottom.

The third task was the hardest. It was to choose out the youngest and the best of the king’s three daughters. Now they were all beautiful, and all exactly alike: but he was told that the eldest had eaten a piece of sugar, the next some sweet syrup, and the youngest a spoonful of honey; so he was to guess which it was that had eaten the honey.

Then came the queen of the bees, who had been saved by the little dwarf from the fire, and she tried the lips of all three; but at last she sat upon the lips of the one that had eaten the honey: and so the dwarf knew which was the youngest. Thus the spell was broken, and all who had been turned into stones awoke, and took their proper forms. And the dwarf married the youngest and the best of the princesses, and was king after her father’s death; but his two brothers married the other two sisters.

[l-just-want-to-see]

hey hi I would like to hear more about this 1945 au where Bianca joins Gaea and Kronos to avenge her mother's death (murder)

omg hi.

okay WATCH OUT. because I’ve thought wayyy too much about this au. short version: it combines the major pjo and hoo villains and stars Hazel and Bianca as protagonists. it’s abt grief, sanity, abandonment, and inevitability. all the characters are stuck in a world where they are incredibly powerless and they’re angry because they’re trying desperately to create some kind of agency for themselves.

long version: so basically it was inspired by a reread of son of Neptune, where I realized from Hazel’s memories just how watered down her character was in fanon. Hazel is certainly heroic, she’s brave, and occasionally kind, but she’s not the sweet innocent character a lot of people write her to be. She’s someone who’s deeply angry because of how much she was wronged - someone who was abandoned by essentially both of her parents and of course the justice of the underworld. So I initially thought about it as Hazel joining Gaea in Alaska. And I think it still works, but ultimately I do believe that Hazel would betray Gaea (as I said, she’s got a pretty solid moral compass). And then I realized she had someone that could be a perfect foil for her, and who had reasons to go against the Olympians.

That’s where Bianca comes in. Hazel, at this point allied with Gaea, gets both Bianca and Nico out of the Lotus Casino. The timeline is a little hazy (mainly working off of vibes and singular scenes 😔) but essentially Hazel flees from Gaea with both of her siblings. They try and cross the ocean to get to Europe in hopes of talking to the oracle of Delphi, because as kids from the 1940s they know nothing about the Greek/Roman gods, have no internet, and haven’t been found by CHB/CJ since they are busy with the war.

The trio gets separated with Nico and Hazel still on their way to Europe. In New York, Bianca remembers what happened to her mother. She goes to Kronos and tells him she is willing to help him in exchange for destroying the Olympians.

In Europe, Hazel and Nico essentially find other demigods on their way to Delphi. This team essentially consists of 1945 au’s the seven. There’s a German son of Zeus, Adar Anstand, a French daughter of Poseidon, Morgane Le Gall, an Italian son of Dionysus, Marco Veggere, and then people who I couldn’t find a name for (but I still love my children): a Scandinavian son of Apollo, and an Indian daughter of Demeter. They all have their own thing but I’ll keep it to one fun fact, which is that Marco doesn’t believe in the Greek gods at all. Incredibly, every time something magical happens, Marco isn’t in the picture so the belief gets stronger over time 😭

(more spoilers)

Hazel and Nico go back to New York to try and attempt to unite the Greek and Roman gods, which does work and help the seven minus those two defeat Gaea although they do all die. Sorry. Hazel and Nico also talk to Bianca on Olympus. Bianca ultimately makes the same choice Luke does (it’s very much a family Bianca you promised moment). sad. Sorry Bianca didn’t feature as much because in terms of the general timeline she’s just off w Kronos but she’s very important to the story, she’s the first character whose arc I really defined. You can go check my #1945 au if you’re curious for more of the vibes, bc I’ve tagged a bunch of web weavings that I feel match them. I’ve also got some about Adar and Marco I think?

[sixminutestoriesblog]

peony

Well, November is upon us and the year is drawing to a close. Or another beginning depending on how you look at it. In the Northern Hemisphere the leaves are busy changing colors, the birds are halfway to their winter homes, the last butterfly cocoon is tucked in and hidden for the coming cold and November children are busy trying to fend off Christmas decorations long enough to celebrate their birthdays.

Let's talk about flowers to help with that.

November has two official flowers. The chrysanthemum and the peony. Happenstance I re-imagined a peony ghost story for Halloween so we're going to talk about that flower for this post.

The peony can either be a tree blossom or a more tradition herbaceous flower. Native to Asia, Europe and North America, most of the time when we think of peony flowers, we're thinking of the ones that were cultivated and rose to fame in China. From 618 to 907, the Tang dynasty was in power in China and while the previous Sui dynasty had seen a growing fascination with the peony, it was the Tang dynasty that solidified it as a symbol of China, filling the imperial gardens with them. The Song dynasty that followed saw the city of Luoyang becoming both the capitol of the dynasty and of peony cultivation, a distinction that the city still, peony at least, holds to this day. The Quing dynasty saw the city of He Ze, or Cáozhōu, becoming a second center for peony flowers. Cáozhōu is also still a center for peony exhibitions and state-funded research. The peony was the official flower of China until 1929. To this day it is still known as 'the King of the Flowers'.

The peony's fame didn't stay in China however. Japan saw the introduction of the flower sometime before the tenth century and fell in love with it as well, working the peony into their stories and folklore. In the nineteenth century, Europe went wild for the flower, especially in France and the United Kingdom where cultivators began experimenting with various strains, and the Netherlands became the largest exporter, a distinction they hold to this day with over 50 million stems sold each year. In a fun twist, Alaska is starting to show up as an exporter as well, with its long sunny days during the summer turning out to be prime for the flowers' growth.

The peony isn't just a pretty face either. Before it was celebrated for its beauty it was known as a medicinal plant. In China and Japan, the peony root was used to treat convulsions. To this day, people still use its petals in teas and salads. In England, children wore necklaces made of the root to help with teething and prevent seizures. The peony even, very early on, spread as far as regions of the Mediterranean were we got the standard english version of its name from Greek myths. In one, Apollo, to no one's surprise, is pursuing a nymph named Paeonia, who grew embarrassed when she realized Aphrodite was being a voyeur about it and, for that sin, Aphrodite turned her into a flower. In the other myth, there's a physician named Paeon, who used the root of the peony flower to cure Pluto. Paeon's mentor, the god of medicine Aesculapius, grew jealous of this feat and attempted to kill his student. Again a god fell back on the flower solution and Pluto (or Zeus in some versions) turned Paeon into a peony flower so everyone would praise him for being beautiful. Because - priorities.

As for superstitions about the peony - its considered dangerous to pick its seeds while a woodpecker is about. If it sees you, it will peck out your eyes! A peony bush full of flowers is good luck but once they start to wilt and fall off you should prepare for bad luck (given its natural for flowers to do this, gardeners apparently need to get picking). It's also bad luck to give or receive an odd number of peony flowers in a bouquet or to have an odd number bloom on your bush. Fairies are rumored to hide in a peony flower's petals. Thanks to Utagawa Kuniyoshi, a Japanese master ukiyo-e artist from the 1800s, who drew warriors with peony tattoos, the flower can symbolize, especially in tattoos, a masculine devil-may-care and 'damn the consequences' attitude. The red peony in Serbia is said to spring from the blood of the Serbian warriors who died in the Battle of Kosovo in 1389. It is the state flower of Indiana in the United States.

In the language of flowers, the peony can represent shame or bashfulness. The flower also symbolizes romance, wealth, honor, bravery, compassion and a happy relationship or happy marriage. It is also the flower given on the twelfth wedding anniversary.

[mask131]

Rape in “Greek” mythology

I thought I made a post about this before, but I can’t find it back so... either I did and it got lost, or maybe it disappeared X)

So... Greek mythology has a big reputation for being full of rape. And I am not saying that there isn’t any rape in it - there are rape stories in Greek mythology. BUT... there might not be as many as you believe. Because the thing is that there’s a lot of rape in ROMAN mythology, and given people got a lot of their info about Greek mythology from writers who are actually talking about Roman versions of the legends and the myths... this leads to some confusion.

But the prominence of rape in the Roman version of the myths, compared to the Greeks, is exemplified by Ovid. Ah, Ovid. Everybody knows his Metamorphoses. He was to the Romans what Hesiod was to the Greeks, the same way Virgil was the “new Homer”.His rewrite of Greek myths into Roman literature not only became a foundation of Roman mythology, but also became one of the main sources of “Classical” mythology for both the Middle-Ages and the Renaissance Europe. When you said “Greek myth” people pointed out Ovid as their main source.

The problem being that Ovid wrote essentially Roman legends. Yes he took Greek myths, but he did more than just changing the names: he actually rewrote the stories. And one of the things he did was adding rapes. Lots of them. I am not afraid to say in a jestful but sincere way that Ovid might have had a rape fetish. 

The two most prominent examples are two of the unfamous rapes of mythology: Medusa and Callisto. In Ovid’s story, both women are raped by gods and both women are punished for it. These stories were heralded as the epitome of the unfairness of Greek mythology. Problem is... in Greek mythology they’re not raped at all. And only one of them is punished.

In Hesiod’s texts, Medusa seems to have a consensual relationship with Poseidon (and quite a pleasant one at that, with them lying in beautiful beds of flowers and all that), and there is no talks of rape. And the whole story of Medusa being a mortal woman punished by Athena/Minerva for being raped in her temple was COMPLETELY invented by Ovid. In Greek mythology, Medusa was a monster since birth, born out of gods well-known for birthing evil monsters (which notably explains why her being the “only mortal of the Gorgon sisters” is treated as a big deal, as her mortality is a literal anomaly in her divine family). 

Callisto’s case is eerily similar. Ovid wrote that Zeus tricked her first by turning into Diana/Artemis, and then explicitely raped her, forcing himself onto her. But in Hesiod’s text, Zeus is said to have “seduced” Callisto - AND the text says their affair actually went on for quite some time, only stopping when Artemis noticed that Callisto was pregnant. Nothing about any kind of rape.

So... two cases of consensual relationships and romances in Hesiod that were turned into brutal rapes by Ovid. 

And should I point out that so far I only found the story of Eurydice dying because she tried to avoid being raped in Virgil’s texts - aka another big Roman writer whose texts reinvented Greek mythology and later helped build the Roman mythology? 

Once more, I am not saying Greek mythology was devoid of rape. But I do say that the Roman versions of the myths added rapes everywhere and turned a lot of consensual relationships into rapes. 

[greater-than-the-sword]

I absolutely disagree with whatever the sjmattson guy said (why are we even acknowledging him? I hit block and ran the moment he showed up)

But I have a genuine concern tho, kinda related to the point he raised

Namely how true is the conversion of people who adopted Christianity as a result of colonisation? Not only the recent ones like in the Americas. I mean as far back as the early medieval period, when whole countries became Christian for political reasons. I'm certain many people genuinely believed, but provably most didn't, and this really pains my soul. That they exchanged one god for another, without actually seeking to be saved. That they got baptised just to gain an alliance with a Christian country or to get them off their backs at least. Converted just to marry that Christian princess. Converted because oh well their God and Zeus or Thor or whatever might as well be the same entity. One more God to add to the infinite pantheon.

The fact that Christianity is so widespread has countless advantages, I'll be the first to champion this. But it really seems to me, and it weighs heavily on my heart, that the more influential it is, at least politically, the more people adopt a fake faith just for social, political, economic benefits. Or in the case of violent conquest, just to be left alone. How can you guarantee in any mass conversion that even the majority are true converts, or even anybody at all. Conversion is a life vs death thing. It's THE most life vs death thing, the soul of a human being is at stake here?! You can't mass produce that! And yet that's how it was, whenever Christianity had to become state religion. I'd like to believe most of those people truly believed and are now in heaven, but it feels like wishful thinking....... it seriously breaks my heart.

"How true is the conversion of people who adopted Christianity as a result of colonisation?"

Well, if you're asking as it seems in such a broad sense covering all history from the time of Christ, I simply can't be sure, since I don't see how anyone could be studied enough in history to know intimately every major conversion event in the last 2,000 years.

There's 2 sides to consider in this, and one of them you seem to know well. The first is that we shouldn't envy the apparent "success in evangelism" of past eras where conversions were forced. I recall a conversation between my dad and his friend discussing the doctrine of Theonomy and how one of their friends who was in the Doug Wilson movement had said, "You know, in the days of the kings they used to baptize whole nations! What are we doing wrong?"

My dad and his friend quite rightly rolled their eyes about this, of course. A forced baptism does not a conversion make.

That being said....

The other assumption is that none of the conversions were legitimate, which is easy to assume without actually having been there. It's not as though mass revivals haven't been a real thing in history, with 3,000 converted at Pentecost, and personally, I have some optimism about the Christianization of Europe, as it was peaceful (well in some areas it was peaceful? Maybe some places it wasn't and I just don't know). Similarly to how Christianity has spread quickly in some other areas of the globe. Keep in mind that what might seem miraculously fast on a historical scale (~100 years) is actually longer than the average human's lifetime.... and just look at the change in the demographics of, for example, China in the last 100 years... there is a phenomenon where people of a dismal pagan culture (such as the Norse Pagans) can find Christianity immediately more appealing and enlightened. This is also true of the more successful missions to south asia for example (though who knows if these stories of missionary success are representative of global trends...)

Frankly this is such a huge question that I don't know how to answer it but I always kind of took it on faith that there have always been true believers, because,

...the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures for ever, and his faithfulness to all generations. (Psalm 100:5)

The gospel isn't a new thing and it has always been around since Christ.