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mediawhorefics · 2 years ago

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hiii marie i watched tsn last night and probably just spammed your notes with tsn rb's (sorry!) and i remembered you were writing the tsn fic! i'm super super excited to read it and i was wondering if there was a snippet you might be able to share with us? thank you <3

omg !! i just saw kjnvjkfds pls know you are welcome to spam my tsn tag whenever you want !!! i always feel like i'm annoying when i go on a tsn reblog spree or a tsn fic related reblog spree rip. (tho it's my blog i guess i can do whatever i want!) anyways i'm glad to know someone is enjoying that tag <333 (LOVED your 'i watch tsn like a queer drama' addition.... so true bestie)

and yes ofc i can share a snippet of the fic !!! no one has really asked before so thank you !! it's so nice to know some people are excited for it. idk how much you know about it? i've talked about it here and there, but basically, it's a you've got mail post canon au where mark gets signed up to a super exclusive mostly anonymous dating app for rich people against his will (dustin and his meddling, honestly!!) and he ends up falling head over heels in love with someone on there only to find out it was eduardo all along (she sings to the tune of agatha all along). anyways it's this very cheesy romcom trope-y story where mark basically has to realise that the only 2 times he's ever been in love were actually with the same person and if he wants to have peace of mind and true happiness he needs to earn eduardo's forgiveness and own up to his mistakes. it's gonna be so kitsch i can't wait to post it !!! it's this 100k monster rn and there's still a fair bit of plot to go on rip. i'm rambling now sorry, i've just been having soooo much fun with it and i don't get a lot of occasions to talk about it haha.

anyways here's a snippet that i thought wasn't tooo spoilery??? hope you'll like it !!! tw i gave them the world worst's usernames because i thought it would be funny af haha. apologies it's still unpolished and needs some edits but:

Mark never particularly liked the cold growing up, but there is always something eerie to him about December silently creeping in without much of a fuss in California. It always seems a little wrong to his New York State grown bones, his Harvard in winter thickened skin. Oh, the temperature drops, for sure, their equivalent of ‘cold’, but Mark recalls Massachusetts freezing winter days, him in his shorts in the snow and a disapproving Wardo staring after him, begging him to please put some clothes on, Mark’s skin prickling under the wind as he ignored him. Winter in Palo Alto is child’s play in comparison, which is the point of living there he supposes. It’s nice, but it’s strange.

Feels off.

It feels even more off when he knows he’s not gonna bother going back home for the break this year – like most years, let’s be honest – and get his fill of razor-sharp wind and bone-chilling cold.

Winter always reminds him of the early days of Facebook; him glued to his laptop day and night in his freezing dorm room, pages and pages and pages of code that weren’t quite a website yet fighting to get out of his brain and onto the screen, and Dustin, Chris and Eduardo, a constant warm presence he was barely aware of hovering at his back. Especially Eduardo.

And speaking of Eduardo, winter always reminds Mark of him too, despite his best efforts.

Eduardo, who never liked the cold, not after spending his seminal years in Brazil, then Miami, who always struggled through the sunless, frozen, winter months he spent at Harvard, even though he never wanted to admit it.

It reminds him of Eduardo’s shivering body that night he approached him with the idea for Facebook, cold cold cold cold, but listening to Mark about his idea outside in the January air all the same, the two of them alone on the cusp of something great. They could have been the only two people on Earth that night in the whipping wind. It’s what it felt like to Mark anyways, what it always felt like to Mark. Them against the world. Before The Phoenix, before Christy, before Sean…

Wardo would have liked Palo Alto, Mark thinks that December morning as he makes his way to work and a slow melancholy takes hold of him, the way it always does what that kind of thoughts take root in his mind.

He would have enjoyed the almost perpetual sunshine, the heat, the cool people he would have fit with so easily, the way Mark never could no matter how long he’s lived here…

Mark sighs, taking a second in his assigned parking spot to compose himself. This stupid Gala he has to attend next week has been messing with his brain ever since Dustin discretely informed him that Eduardo Saverin has confirmed his presence to the event as well.

And it’s fine. Eduardo can go wherever he likes. Especially when he’s invited. Mark isn’t his keeper or anything. And he’s proven many times in the past that they can be in the same room without yelling at each other. Well, most times anyways.

But he’s always a little unsettled when he knows Wardo is stateside, the needle of his Eduardo inner compass all over the place, trying to reorient itself when it realizes that Far Far Away is no longer that far. Which is probably why he always feels like his heart is about to explode when they’re in the same room.

It can’t be regrets, because Mark forbade himself from feeling those a long time ago.

But it sure is something.

He still feels a little itchy after a few minutes alone in his car so he gets his phone out, composing a quick text for eswag82.

Winter always makes me melancholic, he types, something so incredibly soothing about the comfort of an ally, a friend, a confident, never further away than his pocket. Reflective. I start remembering things I never would normally think about. I don’t know if it’s seasonal depression or something, but… I’m always getting sad over nothing. Over stuff I should have been done with a long time ago. But I can’t help myself. It’s like December hits and suddenly… Do you know what I’m talking about?

Mark sighs as he sends the text: time to face the music.

The day passes quickly between meetings and coding and important phone calls… He doesn’t have the chance to check his personal texts until late in the afternoon but when he does, miraculously, warmth permeates through the cold of the approaching winter and spreads through him like a sip of burning hot coffee.

I know exactly what you’re talking about, E writes. Everything slows down in winter, including us. We have the time to get reflective and melancholy. So many holidays in so many cultures too. A time of celebration, of togetherness. That can be challenging when you don’t feel particularly joyful. Or in my family’s case, together. Seeing what it should or could be highlights what it isn’t sometimes, yk? Or at least it’s like that for me.

I’m sorry, Mark writes back, feeling angry again on E’s behalf for that family that doesn’t make him feel welcome, doesn’t make him feel like he can be himself.

It is what it is. I haven’t gone back home in a while now and this year won’t be any different. Sometimes taking care of yourself looks like neglecting others from an outsider’s perspective, but… I can’t worry about that.

I’m not going home either this year. I’m busy, which is true, but it’s also… I don’t think I could stomach it. It’s been a while for me too and they’re great, but I still feel like I’m on the outside, yk? Like I’m looking at them through the windows and no matter how much I want to, I can’t go in.

Mark swallows hard. He swallows back down more feelings of rejection and more fear that no matter what he does it’s never enough to belong. He swallows back down the fact that he created Facebook to be part of the club and he now fears he elevated himself so much higher that he can never fit in anymore. And he doesn’t even like people that much, he’s always said so, but the older he gets the more he feels they can be tedious and still part of his life anyway, that being alone at the top might not be the end goal he’s looking for anymore.

#about me #my fics #tsn fic #tia

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evelynmlewis · 2 years ago

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Okay, ah, this is dumb, but about the goncharov thing and the post you just reblogged on your other blog (I don’t know if tumblr is being broken or if you have asks turned off rn but I couldn’t send this there, I’m v sorry about this) but… I’ve cried and had a massive panic attack because nobody would tell me if a bug I was seeing actually existed or not. When you don’t trust your own perceptions of reality and depend on other people to tell you if what you’re seeing or hearing or whatever is real, then yeah, something like goncharov can be really scary. And obviously I can’t say for other people, but for my experience with this whole thing:

I really didn’t care about goncharov. I saw posts about it being fake before I’d even heard of it. Found it kind of funny. But if I’d come across it in a different mood, where I was having a bout of whatever-you-want-to-call-it, like I said I’ve cried over insects. Panic isn’t logical. I encountered goncharov when I was feeling fine, but if I had come across it in a situation where I was already doubting my perceptions, and I’d decided to look into it and been unable to find anything and have people telling me relentlessly it was real… my heart starts pounding and I start tearing up just thinking about that situation, honestly? I can see it messing me up really bad for days, if I’d come across it while already doubting myself and unable to think logically and realize that if tumblr is insisting something is real but the rest of the internet isn’t, it’s probably not true. So yeah. That’s my take, and it’s honestly a little hurtful that people would think nobody would care about being lied to about something small. In my mind, if I can’t trust someone to tell me if something so silly or small is real, then how can I trust them about something important? And if I can’t trust what I see and I can’t trust anyone else either… that’s really, really, really terrifying.

In all seriousness, I do understand that you can't exactly just block or unfollow people when a meme is so big it's taking over your ENTIRE dash. So I do support making it blockable with tags. (I know the post didn't say that but I often reblog things when I only agree with them in part.)

But the other thing is, we're not exactly keeping a tight lid on this thing. If you ask anyone, they'll tell you it's fake. We all just want other people to get in on it.

Trust me I understand what you're saying, because I do believe that purposely intentionally deceiving someone about something they cannot disprove (that is, LITERAL gaslighting) is a form of psychological torture.

But the fact that this is a meme is no secret. And if the influx of untagged posts gets to be upsetting for any reason, (being pulled around by reading a post then realizing it's fake. could be annoying) the x button is right there. If you're in a very delicate emotional state, it's a good idea to close the internet browser. I've had to do it myself.

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lemony-snickers · 3 years ago

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Hey there :)

Ngl your little rant resonated with me a lot. First offm I want to tell you that I'm sorry this happened. Receiving a demanding request or just one you can't really... for the lack of a better word, vibe with, always sucks imo.

I'm also sitting on this huge stack of requests since... years at this point because I can't bring myself to deny them. The people requesting those things totally moved on, but I can't because I feel bad for not writing them when I constantly tell myself I should write them when I get the chance.

You can probably see where this is going. Now I'm feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed in a sense whenever I want to write because I feel bad and guilty. For taking too long, fornot being good enough, for getting the hopes of the people up.

Its gotten to a point where I just want to delete all of them. Just be selfish and, in a sense, protect myself from any more doubts and guilt. One thing is for sure: I probably won't accept any requests for alooooong ass time.

Dont get me wrong, those requests are really nicely worded and none of them were rude. I already reached a point where I say no to any new ones (even tho my blog description states that I dont take requests rn... sigh.) But I think the part in your rant where you spoke about taking care of yourself made me aware of my own situation.

Thanks a lot for voicing your feelings. I believe you have spoken out loud what a lot of writers across fandoms experience, and lots of writers agree with you.

✒

oh, hello my fancy fountain pen. it's been a while! i hope you've been doing all right. <3

you know, it's funny. because my first reaction to this ask is:

please take care of yourself first, and if that means not writing the backlogged requests you have, then that's okay.

and i just think it's funny because i absolutely believe everyone should protect their own well-being first and take care of themselves, but then i am incapable of taking my own advice. i don't know why we're all like this, lol.

in the end, i know it's easier to tell someone to do something that will benefit them than it is to follow through on such things yourself. i know how it feels when it seems like you're "letting people down" when you don't write a request (or don't write it fast enough).

i especially feel this way with the mix and match fics because that 500 follower celebration thing was so long ago that some people who requested fics have deactivated or left tumblr & i feel awful i didn't write their fics fast enough for them to even see them.

in hindsight, i should have set a cap on the number of requests i accepted for that but i had no clue i was gonna get so many sadlfkjasd;fljsdf lol.

in the end, even some of the nice requests are just not gonna be possible to bring to fruition. i know people sometimes think talking about "inspiration" is bullshit, but it is true to a certain extent. sometimes, like you said, if you don't vibe with a concept, it's going to be painful or even impossible to get down on paper.

thanks for sending in this ask; it's always nice to know i'm not alone in feeling like this & you and a few others' responses have def reminded me of that. <3

#ask #and answered #✒ anon

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m0e-ru · 4 years ago

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eight months in somebody actually asked me abt visualive instead of me immediately annoying ppl about it without former notice. I might actually write properly for once 😳😳😳

OK OK!!!!! In this essay I will.... I will.... Visualive Adachi.... Visu/BURSTS INTO TEARS/

OKAY OKAY for real I just care Visualive so much (as someone who can’t fully understand Japanese AHAHA)

First I’ll add some foundation about what Visualive really is, then I talk abt Adachi in the latter parts of it because this is technically the first time I’m properly talking about this hehe 🐿

T....table of contents???

Visualive

Visualive the Evolution

Masami Itou

Visualive Adachi

Visualive the Evolution Adachi

Terms and Legend

VL - Visualive

VLE - Visualive the Evolution

stage - shortened for “stageplay”

面白い - omoshiroi (it’s just that specific)

Yuuya - VL Hero name

Hayato - VLE Hero name

Baba - Hero

Masami - Adachi

Taniguchi - Dojima

Saotome - Daisuke

Mamiya - Izanami

I add honorifics but sometimes I forget the hyphen intentionally or unintentionally I’m sorry if it makes it hard to read lol

all links have automatic timestamps for easy viewing. i mean. i hope the timestamps work

VISUALIVE “Persona 4.” A stage adaptation of SMT: Persona 4 by Atlus. It adapts the first part of the story, from the hero’s arrival to after recovering Mitsuo Kubo from the TV world. It also ends on a cliff hanger, showing a teaser of Shadow Naoto being projected on the screen.

It takes up a speedy recapitulation of the hero’s spring life, before slowing down and showing in depth his school life in summer. A day before Morooka-sensei’s death, there is a little skit with Kou, Daisuke and Adachi. The hero walks into the conversation before the two other boys leaving, and Morooka-sensei walking in on the student and detective. The next day follow’s the teacher’s death and the Investigation Team (IT) begin investigating their new lead.

From the words “visual” and “alive,” the niche of this stage was meant to be the fusion of live acting and visual digital projections. All seen from the stageplay with the colorful cast of actors and CG animations being projected on the screen. This offers an opportunity for characters to summon their personas, perform cool visual effects, change the backdrop, or even confront their own Shadows.

Performed in Sunshine Theater from the 15th to the 20th of March 2012. The screenplay was written and directed by Shintaro Asanuma from the theatrical group “bpm.” The video production produced by Shutaro Oku, a film director and visual planner. He later takes over as director for VISUALIVE THE EVOLUTION, the sequel stage. The stage music was produced by Shunsuke Wada, with a special show exclusive vocal track sung by Shihoko Hirata.

On this note, I haven’t seen any sort of original soundtrack released for any of the stages and I’m SO SAD. The last song in Mitsuo’s boss fight was such a BANGER and literally EVERYTHING ELSE Marvelous, Wadasan please take my MONEY

Regarding the cast, there were some special accommodations for Teddie, Rise, and Nanako, all of which did not have live actors at the time. During the casting, actors for the three characters could not be found or simply left the directors unsatisfied they couldn’t cast anybody. An exception for Rise, who was able to have a live actor in the sequel stage. It has been stated that there weren’t any “pretty boy” actors that fit the “Teddie Criteria.” While there weren’t any child actors that were believed to portray Nanako well.

Teddie was only ever seen in his bear costume while Rise was busy talking through a call, all voiced by their video game cast. Nanako has never appeared on stage, only being scarcely mentioned in the script. Again, this is different in the sequel stage where her role was extremely important and was shown as a screen projection.

VISUALIVE “Persona 4” THE EVOLUTION. A sequel stage. Beginning abruptly in the middle of Shadow Naoto’s boss fight, the story continues from there until the “true end” of the game’s original story. *Certain characters are introduced while others have been reintroduced. And on a personal note, when it’s all comedic in the beginning, it’s all for what’s coming right after.

I don’t know if I’m salty or just find it really funny AHAHA I might go talk abt it some other day with more context ehehe

Performed in The Galaxy Theater from the 3rd to the 9th of October 2012, only a few months after the PSVITA Persona 4 Golden release, which is July 2012. The screenplay was now written by Jun Kumagi while directed by Shutaro Oku. And music production finally taken over by Shoji Meguro himself.

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HAHAHA this is starting to look like a wiki page. moving on. I might start rambling rn

(warning LONG !!!! aaa,,)

My thoughts on the stage adaptations. For the first Visualive (VL) I believe it’s pretty close to canon! I enjoy the characterization and how much love and care was present when handling the entire production.

Actors were busy playing the game itself, wherein a PS2 was present in the practice room. Along with magazines and game guides explaining the game’s story and the characters itself. Actors performing together and even improv acting together to get a grasp of their characters. All of them knowing well of Persona 4 as a well loved game, delicately handling their characters and hopefully performing them right while making the audience happy.

The staff taking care of each other while the director and video producer, Asanuma-san and Oku-san, working together well to make their vision into a reality.

The same thing happened with VL the Evolution (VLE) and literally every other good stage. Except... I feel the script kinda got out of hand with too much liberty where it feels a bit more disconnected from canon. But! It makes up for it in its content, whether comedic or (INCREDIBLY) dramatic! It’s great as its own story at that point. So in this case, I like to take the first VL and get to connect it canon, while I don’t know what the hell happened in VLE to the point I’ll just enjoy it as its own content.

These opinions deserve its own essay, post whatever bc I have SO much to say abt this. ANYWAY. VL ADACHI

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Tohru Adachi is portrayed by Masami Itou (伊藤マサミ), a screenplay writer, director and an stage actor himself. He does have a single character voice role along with a fellow troupe member in the same franchise, but mostly works as the former three. He is part of Asanuma-san’s entertainment group “bpm.” On a similar note, Masashi Taniguchi, Dojima’s actor, was also part of their group from 2011 to 2016, which may explain their good synergy as the boss and the bumbling fool dynamic. I mean, somebody’s gotta get hit in the head every few skits.

With Masami-san being an important part of the cast, he doesn’t appear as often as Taniguchi-san in backstage content like the VL bonus disk or the official blog. Mentioned in his own personal blog, he had been busy with his roles as assistant director (I am assuming also for VL).

Also fun to note, because his role is mainly comic relief, he has been using his liberty to change up the material almost everyday making each performance exciting. This also leaves some other actors jealous of his freedom in his role, such as Saotome-san, Daisuke’s actor.

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VL Adachi really has a... how do I say this? an adorable speech pattern (THE SAME SPEECH PATTERN THAT DROVE ME MAD TRYING TO DECIPHER I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CITY BOY OSSU OSSU MY ASS /shakes you violently/). Overall, he really fits the loose lipped bumbling fool, and his accent really makes him seem more casual and invested. What I’m saying is... VL Adachi either actually has genuine empathy or he actually has more energy to fake it (compared to some other edgelord. i mean you saw my p4ga analysis. I’m sick of him lol ahaha).

One of my favorite ways to explain this (OTHER THAN CHAIR CAR ADVENTURE MY BELOVED WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER) is the rice field scene with him and Dojima. It’s overanalyzation time 🎉

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(43:04)

While investigating, Adachi whines about being tired while Dojima smacks him in the head. In this case, it’s established that Adachi doesn’t want to be there, yes? It’s the country, it’s hot and it smells like green.

"Ah... Dojima-san..! Why don't we take a break? (...) There really is nothing out here... Is the criminal still even here at all? (...) I wonder if I've passed being a rookie yet. Haha, but this city doesn't even have convenient transportation. I can't go to leisure lands (recreation, amusement parks, arcades, ect.) and head home at all."

Adachi then tries to tell Dojima a story. “when I got to this city after being newly assigned, I met an interesting guy (...) Yeah, I remember that the cherry blossoms haven't bloomed yet. So, I was driving my car and got near the station and--” Dojima gets a phone call.

Adachi politely puts his hands down waiting for his boss to finish so he can finish the story. Again and again, Adachi attempts to talk to Dojima about a story he’s so persistent trying to tell someone about. It was so 面白い that he would find someone to talk to about it. Even being polite and patient enough to wait for a chance to speak. He even gets fed up with it and blows up in front of his boss, clearly irritated he’s not given a chance to talk.

Sure, it could be Adachi feeling fed up like a normal person where someone agreed he to listen to him, before being constantly ignored. Or Adachi trying to be a more annoying whiny brat, depending on where you look at it.

If the story wasn’t too “interesting” to Adachi, he would’ve just brushed it off and stopped talking to Dojima entirely, or start up new small talk, or even complain some more. But no, he had a story he wanted to voice out so bad that he got irritated that the one person in the vicinity couldn’t listen to him.

Only after Dojima told him to continue their investigation elsewhere did Adachi finally stop and focus on something else. Maybe that story was for another day, or maybe it was never meant to be told.

What if it was just original (game) Adachi? He’d find a way to squirrel out of the investigation as usual, or push Dojima to “investigate” elsewhere. “Hey boss, don’t you think it’s hot? Why don’t we go elsewhere? We’ve seen this place too many times to count and I doubt anything new’ll turn up. How about we take a break at Junes, y’know? Where it’s cool? C’mon boss,” something like that.

og Adachi is just really annoying and silly to me. Some grown man thinking he can freeload because he never gets anything out of putting in more energy and effort? I don’t care how tall he is, I will smack him in the head.

Yeah VL Adachi whines, too, but at least it doesn’t look like he’s going to escape and waste his time somewhere else. He just sucks it up stops trying to leave the situation.

Or maybe I’m getting this all wrong and VL is exactly the same and my rage just gets dampened because of Masamisan’s execution of character hmm...

SO. What was his story about anyway? The one he really wanted to share to Dojima?

I mean... it’s obvious enough

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First day in town? Spring? Actually mentioned driving a car when literally out of every single persona 4 media at the time was there not a SINGLE mention of Adachi having a car OTHER THAN the same stageplay it’s being mentioned in?

A story, from somewhere around uhh four? five months ago? was something that he remembered so dearly and was willing to share despite it obviously embarrassing him even if he puts the blame on a certain somebody in the same story?

Or maybe it’s because he really had nothing to talk about ever since he realized all his stories from the city weren’t actually that funny or interesting in the first place.

BUT then that would mean out of all the things he could talk about—more whining, complaining, complimenting, small talk—he insisted about talking about this story in particular.

Okay, look. I’m just. Just. As someone who talks too much, of course I have things I actually want people to hear out of all the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. And if the thing I actually want people to listen to doesn’t even get heard, I’d go mad.

Sure, Adachi’d be fine when his complaints or intentionally unfunny jokes get brushed off. But a story of a guy that he thought was so funny, interesting, 面白い gets ignored, he really blew up, even just for a split second, maybe.

And ALL the things that happened in that story—on his first day in Inaba! His car got dented, he had to deal with a weirdo dumbass employee that knew zero personal space, yelled in his ear, who didn’t know how to do their job, got his station reputation messed up on the first day, got his ass grabbed, got (unintentionally?) mocked for his lame stories, and got his car dented for the SECOND time. Probably MORE

And he STILL wanted to talk about it /punches through concrete wall/

yes I’m overthinking about this of course i am

This little tidbit of VL Adachi kinda makes me go insane sometimes—his entire characterization in VL in particular. It was really refreshing to see and how they included both of his characters in it, his facade and how irritated he is of a lot of things underneath. And how flexible his character is immediately working with other characters when there’s sudden improv to balance the situation. Like him and Dojima, Morooka, the attendant, or even Yuuya (hero) himself.

I’ll take Taniguchi-san’s messing around in the VL bonus backstage disc in place of Masami-san being so busy he couldn’t appear in it as often as other characters.

For stagetime that lasted for fifteen minutes or less, my appreciation for VL Adachi, even if he was just comic relief, really rocketed. I say VL, bc Adachi the edgelord he’s supposed to be in literally every other media is something I analyze separately.

I haven’t even gotten to VLE oh my GODDDDD

Like I said, I don’t really regard VLE close to canon but as something to be appreciated for what it is by itself. But the way Adachi was characterized there, in or out of character, still struck me.

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Yes, there was his strange fan-agreed-canon which is,,, now canon obsession with cabbages (not that that’s a bad thing lmao). There was also him being a lot more jumpy and intimate in a clowny way, patting people on the shoulder or even downright hugging them just to mess around. Even FORGETTING who the same goddam loser who grabbed his ass almost a year ago is. But like, can’t blame him they literally changed their actor (and screenplay writer) AHAHAHA

ha... no more comedy, only dorky sword fights now

(speaking of sword fights I think it’s a fun thought how Mamiya-san [Izanami, also one of the youngest in the cast] admitted it was his first time doing sword fight choreography and even thanked Masami-san and other staff members for guiding him)

One thing unintentionally in character was Adachi accidentally nabbing the sushi overdosed in wasabi. Masami-san didn’t actually account for a joke sushi and didn’t immediately eat it—until Taniguchi-san (who also made Dojima go off his shits compared to VL) jokingly yelled at him and even riled up the audience for him to eat it. He even went off stage to get water just for him to eat the goddam sushi.

And Masami-san did! (kinda choked, but he’s fine).

Continuing from the same scene, while being overly giddy about sushi dinner (and I mean overly--he was singing about it while hopping to the Dojima residence), he tried to remind the two, Dojima and Hayato (hero), that Nanako was sleeping. Probably where she was sick if the scene was translated from the game.

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(30:07)

And... the dramatic parts of VLE

Adachi was the one who reported to the IT that Dojima was chasing Namatame in the rain. While Naoto was discussing Namatame’s journal entries, Adachi, as giddy as he is, took it from Naoto’s hands and reveled in the discovery of evidence so childishly(?). He even ran to Dojima when he began regaining consciousness and immediately called the nurses to help him wheel Dojima to the ER.

Then, The Hospital Scene™️, right after Nanako flatlines.

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(1:02:02)

Adachi, who recently walked into the scene, immediately worries about Dojima and IT who were ALL crying. He looks down, devastated—before yelling how Dojima’s heading to Namatame’s room.

He yells in terror and the same grief at his injured boss, all while running past and even jumping over children, who fell to the ground sobbing, to get to him. He continues yelling in a pained fashion while immediately reprimanding Dojima to stop. He gets carried by the collar before being tossed to the ground at Hayato’s feet, all while being pat by the same boy.

Dojima makes his speech about how unfair it is for the ‘killer’ to be alive when his daughter isn’t. When he finally falls to his knees, Adachi rises from the ground, humbly saying he’ll do his best to take care of Dojima (or something like that I’m in tears I literally can’t do VLE’s hospital scene i h8 this). He finally starts crying along with everyone else, being pushed away again but still tries again, trying to usher his boss away from the door.

With the help of the guard in front of the door, they all disappear off stage

please... I know this scene doesn’t need that much translation because of how important this scene is in the entire story. and I know my narratives aren’t enough so just,,,, just watch it please it’s so much more than this. everyone’s acting was just spectacular

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(1:08:47)

So, after the IT (YOSUKE. JUST YOSUKE. good job Mae-chan) stop themselves from k wording Namatame, it was ADACHI who reported Nanako’s miracle recovery. He ran to the same corridor where they all cried in, even panting and falling to the ground in relief trying to report the good news. Then he pats Hayato on the shoulder and says he’s going to Dojima.

With this... /slaps roof of half of VLE/ ALL of this....adachi.... adachisan.... he Cares™️..... holy shit.....

now. comparing to the game. do you even remember what og Adachi did? did he.. even do anything?????

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(56:39)

NO!!! he just stood there!!!! being a bumbling fool but.... inappropriately!!! man. he didn’t act concerned enough.

adachi: /walks into a bunch of kids crying outside a hospital room/ “lmao why tf are y’all crying? did uhhh what’s her face uhhh nanako. did she d word or something? rip, I guess lol” LIKE????? CAN YOU IMPLY FASTER

and then he’s like “wgat hmm Where’s Dojima-san Heading Because That’s Not The Way To His Room 🤔” and only when he’s asked he actually mentions he’s heading to Namatame’s room and still needs to get choked by a first year for the room number like..... zero consideration

and his boss??? where his daughter he loves so much just??? di*s???? and he’s so devastated he’s doing what he can that very moment while he’s so numbed of thinking of the consequences???? And adachi goes “uhh boss that’s illegal” LIKE. BITCH. /punches through a concrete wall but harder/

---

And??? His confrontation scene??? Like, I know they mashed it up w his tv confession scene to save stagetime for other scenes BUT IT WAS SO MMBMBMBMMGN /gestures in a good way/

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UM?? guy behind everything??? in a vulnerable area where he could easily get physically assaulted bc hes not in the tv world w his persona?? Trash talks women like he absolute misogynist he is??? getting yelled at by a bunch of kids and YELLING BACK IN THE SAME AGITATED MANNER even TAUNTING THEM then and there to GET HIS ASS?????

og Adachi was such a pussy he got caught and just scurried off into the TV world where he ended up having powers like...ok....scared of getting beat down by a bunch of highschoolers unless you have powers...ok....

he only taunted them to get him when he was in the tv world too.....he rlly couldn’t say shit in the real world huh... lol

(yeah yeah this shows how VLE Adachi knew abt his TV world powers which would make you think if he ever went into the tv world and came back out alive. Or he’s really just a badass who doesnt give a shit abt anyone’s opinions and CAN beat anyone’s ass. i have a separate thing abt this but bc i like to laught at vle rather than overthink its own lore i might. not. idk lol)

and ??? VLE Adachi can??? He can swordfight??? he doesn’t even NEED a gun—he even reflects bullets w his blade (but apparently he can still get slapped by a flying fan more often than any other attack). His fight choreo was just...so poggers. He’s like short villains done good—like??? he’s short compared to everyone else!!! but he makes up for it for stuffing all the energy inside him while is bursts out making him him the over energetic gremlin he is!!! go VL adachi!!!!

(am I low key making fun of Madono-san in the TUUSH stageplay I’ve seen four minutes of? maybe)

OK!!! Yes I was gushing abt Masami-san again back to Adachi.

It’s portrayed that while not being afraid to admit his crimes, he also goes out of his way to be a bastard and have the gall to get a bunch of kids to fight him, one on eight. He can use a katana, probably a narrative dark reflection of the hero, Hayato which I thought was nice—and he can fight!!! It also shows his persona, yes, but...it doesn’t make it clear if he’s overwhelmed by his Shadow like in the game, where his eyes were yellow and he was emitting a dark aura.

But it gets interesting how he sees he’s getting overwhelmed and starting to lose his edge towards a bunch of kids. He falls to the ground even banging the floor like a whiny brat while literally the IT tries to tell him to turn himself in. Again, like a brat he tells everyone to shut up—before getting incapacitated. While some of the IT rejoice, he bolts up unaccepting of his defeat—before getting hit in the stomach.

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(1:23:54)

And his words from when he drops his katana, “Why..?” He grabs the foldable chair against his stomach, and with a remorseful look in his eyes, he says “I’m sorry..!”

THEN HE BACKFLIPS—then Hayato slashes him.

In a tone of disbelief, he goes “no way...” and collapses to the ground, being possessed by Ame-no-Sagiri.

Blah blah blah then Teddie rockets himself into the eyeball spy cam and then they both explode aaaaa

Teddie survives but I really don’t know where Adachi went. Not even a mention by Dojima if he turned himself in or was ever found—or I need to review VLE for the 48274827482nd time hehe

WHOO then the whole cast appears for the dance number at the end of show YAHOO

#long post #persona 4 #persona 4 visualive #persona 4 visualive the evolution #tohru adachi #sulululat #pagsususuri #p4 #p4v #p4ve #//HAPPY 4K WORDS VL ANON #// if theres anything u want to ask... im right here /collapses/#// i almost went ham over actor relationships like. talking abt bpm was ENOUGHHH we're talking about the character not the assistant direct #// aaa this took so long... i literally mashed up so many other idea documents into one.. man.

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igotthejuice · 5 years ago

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Part 1 of My Bumble Date from Hell

Hey friends! I Hope you’re still surviving COVID. Oh and if you’re class of 2020 congrats to you! I know that shits hard. I’m doing good, still WFH or whateva, I just got off a call. My state is slowly reopening but nothings open, if that makes any sense. I’m sitting here weak over this date I’m about to tell y’all about. In hindsight that shits actually funny af. Oh, also I might get a pet. I just don’t know what I would even want atm. Just a thought I’ve been having lately. Side note y’all, I had a dream Plies was my new neighbor lmao. Okay, so anyways shall we talk about this date from hell? You already know from my last blog that I met him from bumble. I think I like bumble the most. There’s something about being in control of who I want to communicate with that sits well with me. Plus, lets be real, just because you match with someone doesn’t always mean you care to talk to them. So anyways, I messaged him and we exchanged numbers and FT’d almost instantly. If you can’t tell by now I love FT. I’m definitely that person that will FT you and not even be looking at the FT but enjoying your presence lol. Plus, if we’re getting to know each other I like to jump right in. Okay, what should we call this guy? Idk, we’ll give him a basic name like Chris since he turned out to be pretty fucking basic, sorry if your name is Chris…So we were on FT for about an hour…that should’ve been my first sign. If it’s our first time talking we should be on FT for at least 3 hours just getting to know each other. There’s so much to talk about. But he really just didn’t seem to care. Looking back on it, I led the entire conversation. I just saw that as a sign that he was a good listener. So I was pretty surprised when he said he wanted to hang out. I also was a little thrown off since everything is closed rn but he said he wanted to just take a walk and have a picnic on the water. Now I thought that was hella cute so I was with the shits. Fast forward to the date. It was on a Wednesday. Weird day, I know, but 1) we’re both wfh 2) no one has shit to do 3) who tf knows what day it is anyways? Exactly. So I live really close to where we were going to picnic, so he drove to my house and he biked to the picnic spot while I roller-skated. It was actually really cute. He even had a picnic basket that he put on the back of his bike. So anyways, everything pretty much went “right” up until a certain point. Lets just fast forward to where shit got weird.

Mkay so it all started when I noticed he was drinking a lot…like A LOT. And if you can’t tell by now I really don’t like to judge, it’s just not my thing. So while I noticed he was drinking a lot, he wasn’t acting dumb or anything so I didn’t say shit, go awf fam. Welp friends, I should’ve said something because hit the fan real quick. It started with him talking a lot and telling me weird shit about people I didn’t know. Normally that wouldn’t phase me but keep in mind, this man was hella shy on FT. My dumb ass still didn’t say anything. Side note: this is just another lesson. It’s okay to be that “chill” person, but don’t be so chill that you let people just self-sabotage right before your eyes, you’ll regret it. So anyways, he started putting me all over his IG which made me feel uncomfortable because I like to hoe in peace and plus, we live in the same area and y’all already know how that shit goes. There’s no way we don’t have mutual friends. So anyways, after about an hour of him throwing back shots of henny (barf) and recording more and more on his IG he swore some girl was recording us on her phone. Now was the camera facing our way? Yes, but she was far away and it was a beautiful day. She could’ve been recording anything so I kept telling him not to worry about it. But y’all he would not let that shit go. He kept saying “naw trust me, I know exactly wtf it is.” Now at this point we should’ve left…fuck it, I should’ve left. But I just didn’t. So he starts yelling at the girl, ugh jus thinking about it makes me feel so embarrassed and it makes me wonder why I STILL hadn’t left. So anyways, she was with the shits, like sis had time that day. So she’s screaming back at him and at this point they’re going back and forth. He’s calling her a nosey “that” and a hatin’ ass “this” and she’s coming right back it him just as strong. So at this point I’m just watching like everyone else. Oh and at one point she said I had disgusting taste in men. I’m thinking, now wait a minute, I don’t even know this man. So anyways, she must have said something that triggered him because he got up so got damn quick y’all. Sorry, I have to stop here, I’m still working lol. I just wanted to start telling this story since I promised it a few days ago. More tomorrow!

#igotthejuice #blog #bumble #datefromhell #biking #hennythingispossible #mutual friends #rollerskating #sorry chris #tuesday #ft #beautifulday #ig #dont judge lmao #part 1

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softest-cinnamon-roll · 5 years ago

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So I’m at my cousins wedding reception rn and the two grooms men I’ve known my entire life right? They keep touching each other and I asked them how long they’ve been together (I haven’t seen them in years) and they go “oh we’re not...” and all I can think about reddie meeting for the first time as groomsmen and then immediately hitting it off and falling for each other. Amy pls.... I’m begging you to write something

When Stan had asked him to be his best man at his wedding, Richie couldn’t say yes fast enough. He had grown up with Stan, he was his best friend through and through, so there was no way he wasn’t going to say no to being the best man at his damn wedding.

MIke was a great guy and Stan deserved him more than anyone. He was funny, smart, rather gorgeous and was incredibly soft hearted and friendly. When he had asked Stan to marry him, Richie was the first person Stan had told, calling him excited down the phone as he ran over all the ideas he had for the ceremony.

In the end, they settled for a simple wedding on Mike’s family farm in Derry, Maine. Richie had taken a long weekend off work and drove up to the state, checking in to the Derry Town House that was completely booked out for the event. Richie had to snort a little, as he knew all about Derry, and it was a small minded town. The people must be having a field day knowing two men were getting married here.

Once Richie had dumped all of his bags into the room and jumped into a quick shower, he changed into something much more comfortable and headed down to the main reception, ready to meet up with Stan and Mike for pre-wedding instructions. What he got instead was the sight of the most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on.

The man was a few feet shorter than him, with soft blond curls and an annoyed expression on his face as he tapped his foot and looked over the reception desk. That was when Richie shot out of his trance and realised what he was waiting for…assistance.

“Uh, good luck with that. Whoever works here seems to be pretty absent,” Richie spoke up and the man turned his whole body to his direction, making Richie groan internally at how gorgeous he was from the front too. “You kind of have to…check yourself in.”

Raising his eyebrows, the man looked back behind the desk and let out an audible sigh, “You mean I just need to grab a set of keys and hope for the best?” He asked and Richie nodded his head. “This is so unsafe…but I’ve been waiting here for over thirty minutes now and I really don’t have the patience to wait any longer.”

Richie watched at the hot guy moved around behind the desk and looked for a set of keys that would allow him access to a room for one. He grinned and picked a pair, holding them up in triumph as he stepped back out and made his way over to Richie. “See, all sorted now.” He paused. “Are you here for the wedding?”

“Yeah uh, Mike is a close family friend so I’ve forced myself to come back to this hell hole because it was what he wanted.” The guys shrugged and that was when Richie realised who he was. This was Mike’s best friend, and best man, Eddie Kaspbrak.

Damn, Eddie Kaspbrak was hot as fuck and Richie was internally cursing Mike for not introducing them sooner. He grinned. “Eddie Kaspbrak, right? If you’re from Derry why didn’t you know about the shitty service here?”

Eddie blinked, “Because the last time I was in this town, I was living with my mother. I’ve never stepped into this place in my life.” He looked at Richie up and down and Richie, once again, had to hold back a groan. “Wait…are you Richie? Stan’s best man?”

Richie broke into a wide grin and he nodded his head, holding out his hand, “The one and only. Richie Tozier, at your service.” His smile widened even more as Eddie took his hand and he subconsciously raised his hand to his lips, kissing the back of it. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Richie. I’ve heard…a lot about you.” Eddie laughed looking away a little as he removed his hand from Richie’s grasp. “Stan might have filled me in on your…eccentricness?”

This time, Richie groaned out loud and ran a hand through his hair, “Of course he would. He was probably trying to save you from my shit, as I really am full of it. I also have ADHD, so sometimes I struggle grasping when people want me to shut up. So they just say ‘beep beep, Richie’. So if I bug you, that’s what you say.” A nervous laugh left Richie’s lips at that point and he wondered why he was suddenly so…shy. Normally if Richie was attracted to someone he’d use the Tozier charm until they agreed to come back to bed with him. Yet with Eddie…after only knowing him for about ten minutes…Richie knew he was different.

“Thanks but…I don’t think I’ll have to use it on you.” Eddie winked and Richie’s eyes widened. “Are you meeting Mike and Stan for lunch? I have to just shower really quick, would you mind waiting for me and we can go together?” He asked and Richie nodded his head.

In a flash, Eddie was off up the stairs and Richie was left alone in the reception, wondering what the hell just happened. He moved into the lounge area and took a seat, flicking through his twitter on his phone, updating his status. Eddie was gone for about half an hour, and in that time he had to tell three more guests to just help themselves to room keys or they’d be there all night. Eventually, Eddie appeared back in the doorway, in a new set of clothes, blond hair damp on his head. Fuck.

“Hey, you’re back,” Richie grinned, standing up and pocketing his phone. “Stan just messaged me the diner details and it’s within walking distance so we don’t have to call a cab.” Eddie seemed to agree with Richie and they left the town house, walking down the street to where they’d meet up with Mike and Stan. “So, you grew up here?”

Eddie looked over at Richie as they walked and nodded his head, “Yeah, born here and remained until I was…nineteen and I finally managed to escape. It’s been eight years and this place still puts me on edge. I’m surprised that my mother isn’t out patrolling the streets looking for me as I’m sure she knows I’m here.” He admitted.

“I’m sorry,” Richie whispered, not really wanting to pry into Eddie’s personal life too much. If Eddie wanted to tell him, then he would. “If we see your mom, just let me know and I’ll talk that much she’ll run away.”

Next to him, Eddie paused and bit his lip, looking up at Richie. “Actually…I wanted to ask you something.” Richie tilted his head, letting Eddie know that he was listening. “We both don’t have dates…right?” A nod. “So uh, maybe if we see my mom or anyone else who might know me would you…pretend to be my boyfriend?”

Even though Richie knew it was a stupid idea and that he was probably going to get really hurt, he felt himself nodding his head. “Yes, of course Eddie. It would be my pleasure.”

* * * * *

@richietoaster @tozier-boy @eds-trashmouth @bitchbrak @sloppybitchreddie @its-stranger-than-you-think @maximusfraker @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @thejadeazalea @halfway-happy353 @tinyarmedtrex @inthebreadbinwrites @kat-ships-everything @takeourpure @lo-v-ers @that-weird-girls-blog @studpuffin @s-s-georgie @reddie-for-anything @trashmouthtozierr @richietoizer @girasol-eddie @bi-bi-richie @honeybeehanlon @mars-14 @reddiesetandgo @marsisaplanetyall @xandertheundead @sedanleystanley @hawkinsbabe @beepbeeprichiellc @stellarbisexual @oldguybones @stanleuyris @eduardoandale @purplepoisonedgem @reddie-to-cryy @pink-psychic @violetreddie @toziesque @queen-sock @appojoos @moonlightrichie @rreddies @disneyfan567 @annxmatron @lifesucksheres20bucks @anellope @roobarrtrashmouth @are-you-reddie-for-it @callmechee @nancynwheeler @reddieforlove @twoidiotsinl0ve @madi-artist @tozierking @s-onora @atownofeggs @wilding-throught-thehallways @no-she-wasnt-reddie @dadbodrichie @thorn-harvester-ven @eddiekasbpark @sparklingrainbowdragon @ransonelovebot @gloire-celeste @derrylosers @3tothe1 @virgo-luthie @sashadrowned @spirited-marvel @losers-gotta-stick-together @rebecca-the-queen @ultrapaninibred

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #writing tag

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neversatisfiedswitch · 4 years ago

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Obey Me! Tickle Headcanons

I’m so obsessed with Obey Me! rn, and considering that’s where my brain is, I wrote some headcanons for all the brothers, starting with the oldest and ending with the youngest.

Pls help, I’m blushing now from writing these, especially the teases. Why must these boys destroy me like this. ;0;

Also I almost posted this on my normal RP blog and I had a mini heart attack fkdsjkfl--

Lucifer

Lee, Ler, or Switch?: 110% Ler. He will wreck anyone who attempts to tickle him... except the main character, but only when he’s feeling generous.

As a ler:

This one could go under the lee category BUT I feel it’s necessary to put it at the top: You cannot and should not attempt to tickle him. He will W R E C K you

He probably finds out you’re ticklish while you’re not paying attention in class or something and he pokes you, and you jump, and he just smiles sweetly at you while his eyes say that you’re screwed and he just says gently “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

He’s the second-most powerful demon in the Devildom (second only to Diavolo) and he’ll absolutely use his strength to his advantage. He doesn’t even have to TRY to be able to pin you down, he can do it without any effort

Is the master of gentle, agonizing tickles, but being the oldest of his brothers he can definitely be rougher if he needs to, especially if the gentler touches don’t break you

Knows where and how to dig in with his fingers, and since he always wears silk gloves his fingers tickle even more on bare skin— but if you’re close enough with him he might nuzzle your neck or ear too, maybe even nibble if you’re comfortable with it

I imagine since he doesn’t really know how to be affectionate that he won’t tease you in a normal way, mostly just makes observations and noises like he’s studying you. And tells you that you should be regretting messing with him, which you probably will

“Hmm...” “This seems like a particularly ticklish spot.” “Sensitive there?” “What’s that? You’re sorry? Good. You should be.” “Begging so soon? But we’ve only just begun.”

His expression doesn’t even change either, just the same old concentrated look he gives assignments or problems while he’s tickling you to death

And if you irk him to the point that he goes into his demon form, YOU ARE D E A D because you better believe he’ll use all 4 of his wings to torment you along with his hands, and then you’ll be screwed

Depending on what caused him to tickle you, he may sit with you and hold you to be sure he didn’t accidentally kill you via tickles, or he might just tell you to think more about your actions next time and just walk away

Also just as another note: it is nigh-impossible to startle him. So if you go after him, 99.9% of the time you’re going to be the one laughing and dying, unless you get lucky

As a lee:

As previously stated, Lucifer is EXTREMELY difficult to sneak up on. No one has taken his picture while he’s asleep, and only one person has even seen him shirtless— he’s nigh-impossible to catch off-guard

So if you do, or if he decides to let you tickle him, you’ll have to distract him from holding his laughter back. He can really hold it in for a long time before he breaks

On the home screen he’ll sometimes say “Are you trying to tickle me? You’ll have to do a better job than that.” or the phrase in the picture above. This is what he’ll say if you try without warning. Every. Time.

He’s honestly not very ticklish, probably like a 5/10 on the sensitivity scale

Because no one ever sees him without his clothes, I feel like his torso is the most sensitive area. Mostly his ribs, sides, and back, though his waist is a good spot too

Once you get your fingers on him and he’s either too tired or too distracted to not hold his laughter back, he’s doomed— he can’t even beg for mercy (and won’t bc his pride won’t let him) bc he’s laughing so much

He’ll basically crumple to the floor and be a giggling laughing mess, but you have to follow him down or else he’ll turn on you

If you really want to drive him crazy, spider your fingers over his back. He’ll laugh so hard that his face will turn red immediately, and he’ll just... collapse onto the floor, completely helpless

His genuine laughter is soft and melodic, almost angelic— considering he’s a fallen angel, and considered the most beautiful in all of creation, it makes sense that it would be. It’s softer and lighter than his speaking voice and can certainly be contagious if he’s laughing hard enough

Don’t take pictures of his blush or take any videos of you tickling him. He will immediately gain his strength back and wreck you until you delete them, and probably wreck you further for good measure

As long as you don’t tease him too much, he’ll probably let you go and smile genuinely at you as you leave— but don’t tell anyone bc he WILL find out, and he WILL destroy you

Alternately, if you decide to stay with him, he’ll probably get you back immediately, though it won’t be as bad as if you didn’t manage to catch him off-guard

Mammon

Lee, Ler, or Switch?: Thinks he’s more of a Ler, but in reality he’s 80% Lee and 20% Ler. He’s too ticklish to really get anyone besides you.

As a ler:

He doesn’t ever need a reason to tickle you, he just wants to— maybe he wants a little money, maybe he needs a pencil, or maybe he’s just having a bad day, but he’ll tickle you bc he feels like it

You can also goad him into doing it pretty easily, he’s a hothead (but not a violent one) AND he’s perceptive so if he knows you’re trying to make him tickle you he’ll just do it

Finds out bc as the first demon you make a pact with, he probs sleeps in your room a lot (or you sleep in his room bc he asks you to), so he pokes you to make you wake up one morning and he recognizes that the noise you just made was a squeak, and by that point it’s all over for you

Despite how much more powerful he is than you, he likes to roughhouse— he’ll tackle you (gently and on carpet/a bed/a couch etc) and roll around with you before he pins you, but he’ll always be the one pinning you if he’s decided to tickle you

He’s a master at tickling— whatever gets you hysterical is whatever he does, whether it’s spidering, digging in, light touches, raspberries, biting, or using tools, he’ll drive you crazy

His favorite is definitely nibbling though— he’s a dork who loves being close to you even if you don’t romance him, so you can guarantee he’ll be nibbling somewhere, probably your neck or tummy

Also: TEASY A F BOIII— he will tease you so damn much the entire time and laugh along with you, and probably try to make you praise him

“Why’re you laughin’, eh? Somethin’ funny?” “Tickle tickle tickle, ya little nerd!” “What? You want me t’stop? Hmm, maybe if ya paid me... with giggles.” “You laughin’ at me, punk?! Guess I’ll have t’punish ya.” “Say ‘Mammon’s the greatest’! C’mooon, you can do it!”

He’s always grinning and making faces while he’s tickling you, because he’s a dork like that

His wings in his demon form are bony and batlike, but that won’t stop him from dragging the tips across your skin in an attempt to drive you up the wall

He’ll flop down next to you when he stops tickling you, probably still poking you and teasing you for a bit, but making sure he didn’t go overboard— and he’s always up for cuddles, so unless you ask him to leave he’ll cuddle you afterwards

As a lee:

It’s easy to tickle Mammon, you just poke him anywhere and he’s giggling

On the sensitivity scale he’s the most ticklish out of his brothers, a definite 12/10– he’s just that sensitive

You’re the only person he’ll give in to when it comes to tickles— he’ll give them and receive them from you without any fuss, but with anyone else he’s grouchy about it

If you’ve seen his demon form, and noticed the fact that the top part of his outfit doesn’t cover his torso, and you think he’s not ticklish there? Think again, his tummy, belly button, and hips are his worst spots

If you tell him he should cover up his torso if he doesn’t want anyone to tickle it he’ll just sputter in embarrassment

Once you’re tickling him, even lightly, he can’t take it— he’ll just drop to the floor shrieking and begging you to stop (but don’t bc he kind of likes the attention, though he won’t admit it)

If you get your finger in his belly button his laughter will go completely silent, and squeezing his hips will make him squeal

He cannot take what he dishes out— teasing makes him a blushing, sputtering mess, and all of his own tactics work against him, including (and ESPECIALLY) nibbling

His laughter is adorable and completely contagious, and higher-pitched than his speaking voice— he also snorts when he laughs, and if he realizes he snorted he gets flustered

If you take a picture of him he’ll threaten you to make you delete it, but he doesn’t really mind as long as you don’t show anyone else

Just like when he tickles you, he wants cuddles afterwards— and he might use that as an excuse to get you back when he’s not out of breath, but he’ll also just take cuddles either way

Leviathan

Lee, Ler, or Switch?: Totally a Lee, but if you challenge him on anything he’ll tickle the hell out of you. So like 90% Lee and 10% Ler.

As a ler:

He’ll only tickle you if you ask him to, if you did something to irritate him, or if you’re making him jealous because of something you have that he wants (or if you know more about something than he does)

He’s an otaku, so he’s probably already delved into the world of tickling bc of the tickle scenes you see in media, and he’s probably watched Mammon wreck you a few times so he guessed pretty quickly that you’re ticklish without being so hands-on himself

Not as powerful as Mammon or Lucifer, but still a demon nonetheless— and even tho he’s a shut-in and doesn’t get out much he’s still pretty good at pinning people down, though he might see the position you’re in and think it’s a little suggestive, maybe even blush bc he’s easily embarrassed

He approaches tickling like he approaches his games— dives right in, testing everything out, then goes full-on with whatever works the best, babbling excitedly all the while until you’re a screeching mess of laughter

He mostly just teases you by saying he’s better than you, but he doesn’t really mean it... also he makes video game/media/nerdy references a lot

“You can’t defeat the mighty Levi! Muahahaha!” “Playing games is fun, but it’s more fun to wreck you.~” “This is just like that scene I watched in this anime called—“ “You’re a lot squishier than my keyboard, but at least my fingers don’t hurt now!” “Get wrecked, nerd! Lololol”

He’s basically treating this like a game— that’s what tickling is to him anyway— and while he’ll definitely stop if you’re desperate enough, he’ll always ask if you give up before he quits, and then gloat that he won

And if he gets you in his demon form, there’s no escape— he’ll wrap you up in his tail and get you even worse, now that he has more room to work with

Usually offers you a snack or something when he stops tickling you, maybe suggests you lay on his bed and watch him game, or even lets you beat him in an easy game so you feel better— but he won’t admit he’s being soft toward you

As a lee:

He has a few tickle spots, but he only lets his guard down when he’s at home in his room— and once you get him started laughing, it’s hard for him to stop

He’s a solid 9/10, surpassed only by Mammon, and he’s different from the others in that he very much likes tickling— it just makes him blush a lot

He’s a sensitive baby, his sides, waist, thighs, and armpits are all very sensitive, but his death spot is his tummy

Doesn’t beg for you to stop, but will deny that he enjoys it or that he’s even laughing— the fact that he doesn’t fight back doesn’t help him any... it’s clear he enjoys it bc when you rub his character model during certain interactions in the game, he giggles, and it gives the most amount of intimacy and a large amount of hearts (as seen in the image above)

If you use the “claw” tactic on his tummy he goes ballistic, shrieking like he’s dying, and his face will turn bright red while he tries to cover his cheeks with his hands

He hates being teased, and will always tell you to shut up, and that you’re lying, but if you’re silent he begs you to say something

He has an adorable, sweet little laugh, and his giggles are angelic— it makes anyone feel better to tickle him, but he hates his laugh and will threaten you if you compliment it

He’ll blush himself to death if you try and take a picture of him, he’d really rather you didn’t but as long as you keep it to yourself he’ll let you keep it on your phone

Gets clingy after tickles and will crawl over to put his head in your lap and ask you to pet his hair, then asks if you’d want to watch something or read a manga together

Satan

Lee, Ler, or Switch?: Ler, full stop. Thinks of tickling as bonding and likes doing it more than having it done to him.

As a ler:

As seen when he and his brothers attempt to get Belphegor to crack a smile, he’s very sneaky and knows how to creep up behind someone to grab them

He’s very mischievous when it comes to tickling, he’s the Avatar of Wrath so making someone smile rather than making them mad is new to him and he enjoys it more than anything else

Probably found out bc you offered to help him fix his books, and so you were on a ladder reaching up and your shirt pulled up and he poked at your exposed side, nearly making you drop the book on his head, to which he only said “Oops.” and gave you a grin that said you were done for

Relies on the element of surprise to pin you rather than just strength, though as someone born of Lucifer he’s not weak at all and he can really hold you down if he needs to

He’s slow and methodical, testing out every spot to see what gets you laughing the most, then starts from your least ticklish spot and works his way up to the most ticklish

Being a book lover he has to write occasionally too, so he has all kinds of writing utensils around that he uses to tickle you with— quills, pens, pencils, calligraphy brushes, etc

Mostly just laughs along with you, but if he’s using something to write on you with he’ll tell you to be still and tease you about messing up his writing, though mostly he just teases about your sensitivity— and he may even use you as a book holder, tickling you and scolding you if you move the book too much

“Stop squirming, you’ll mess up the ink.” “This is illegible... Oh, well, looks like I’ll have to start over.” “Your laugh is adorable, you should do it more often.” “Oh, was that a bad spot? I’ll have to file that away for later use.” “Your laughter is distracting me from my book. Tone it down or I’ll really give you something to laugh about.”

He’ll smile fondly while he’s tickling you— he can’t help it, seeing that he makes someone else happy and laugh is so refreshing for him

Two bad things about his demon form: first, his tail is long enough to snake around you and the scaly feeling of it would drive anyone up the wall, and second, he wears a feather boa that he most definitely would use to wreck someone with, or even tie their wrists or ankles together

Will help you sit up, rub your back and run his hand through your hair once he’s stopped tickling you, and will let you lean against him while he reads to you so you can calm down

As a lee:

Satan has to be in the right mood to laugh— trying to tickle him when he’s mad will upset him, but if he’s in a good mood he’ll let you do it

He’s about a 6/10 on the sensitivity scale, since he’s not deathly ticklish it’s more of a bonding experience for him than anything else

His neck, ears, and armpits are his worst spots, which is ironic considering the feather boa he wears has to be sitting a certain way so he won’t tickle himself accidentally

Will squirm minimally, doesn’t want to knock you off and hurt you, and enjoys the contact though he wishes it wasn’t tickling that you chose as your method to get close to him

If you get your fingers in his armpits he’ll cackle himself silly, and brushing feathers against his neck will make him blush so badly that it spreads across his body

Covers his face as much as possible when he’s being teased, scrunches up his shoulders and giggles out half-hearted pleas for you to stop, and sometimes threats that you can’t take seriously due to his laughter

His laugh is deep and soothing, even when he’s hysterical, and it can instantly relieve the stress of whoever’s tickling him

He’ll allow you to take a picture of him blushing, but only if you don’t tell anyone why, and you let him compose himself a little first

Will lean against you like a cat, reading to calm himself down, and tell you exactly when he’s going to get you next— sometimes it’ll be right after you’ve finished tickling the hell out of him

Asmodeus

Lee, Ler, or Switch?: Ler all the way, except for you— because you tickling him means you’ll touch him.

As a ler:

Despite loving to touch you and being the Avatar of Lust, he’s respectful of boundaries, and won’t tickle you the first time until you ask him to or let him know it’s okay

After that it’s clear he loves making you laugh, though he’ll only do it when he knows you need it as opposed to pouncing on you out of nowhere

Found out bc during a cuddle session he stuck his hand slightly up your shirt and you started twitching, and he immediately thought you were uncomfortable— but then he saw the little upturn of your lips and figured it out immediately

Also knows tickling could turn into more, but when he knows you just want it to be fun he refrains from being too terribly suggestive

He’s small and quiet so he can totally sneak up on anyone and jump on their back, or pounce on them when they least expect it, but will always warn you before he does that so you’re not startled

Depending on what mood you’re in he’s either gentle and sweet or rough and merciless, though he can’t resist digging into your worst spots when he finds them

His teases are compliments— he wants you to feel good about yourself, to admit your best qualities, and he takes the opportunity to tickle the positivity out of you

“I’ll stop tickling if you say you’re cute.” “Come on now, say something you’re good at, or I can stay at this spot allll day.” “Stop bringing yourself down or I’ll go for your worst spot.” “You have ten seconds to say you’re beautiful or I’ll tickle you for ten minutes.” “You’re practically glowing today— did you do something different? Don’t lie to me, I’ll knoooow!~”

He’ll giggle and smile brightly while he’s tickling you, and often he’ll hum and make up his own little songs to sing to tease you

He can’t really get you with his wings in his demon form bc they’re too short, but that form does make him a lot more cuddly so he’ll tickle-cuddle the hell out of you if he catches you in that form

Will pull you into his lap and rub your back, ask if you’re okay, and hum softly to calm you down— maybe even give you a massage if you need it

As a lee:

Considering how much Asmo likes it when you touch him, he’s basically down for you to tickle him anytime

He’s about a 4/10 on the sensitivity scale— the least ticklish out of his brothers, but he does have a tickle spot

His palms and knees— front and back— are sensitive, but not enough to make him really laugh, his one bad tickle spot is his feet and they’re sensitive enough to make up for his lack of sensitivity everywhere else

Still tries to seem dainty despite the fact that he’s falling apart while you’re tickling him— he might kick a little and shove at you, but he’s honestly just happy you’re touching him

Going after his toes makes him shriek, and he may start begging for mercy if you go after them too long, though unless he’s crying from laughter he won’t actually want you to stop

He can handle teases better than anyone else, mostly because he’s honestly self-absorbed and anything you say to him comes out as a compliment— so teasing does nothing to him

His laugh is sweet, soft, and rather delicate, like him, and his giggles are extremely contagious— he says he likes his laugh quite a lot

If you want to take a picture, he has to be sure his hair is perfect first— but even if he’s blushing, he never minds when pictures are taken of him, and even if you tell others you were tickling him, he won’t mind

He has to freshen himself up after being tickled, but once he’s done that, he curls up against your side and tells you he loves laughing with you, then goes back to cuddling with you like he was before

Beelzebub

Lee, Ler, or Switch?: Equal switch— he loves tickling, and usually enjoys being tickled, depending on who’s doing it.

As a ler:

Won’t hesitate to just throw you over his shoulder, carry you off to either of your rooms, and absolutely destroy you— if it seems like you need it, or you goad him into doing it

Third only to food and being around Belphegor, your laugh is what brightens his day the most— he likes being able to unwind after a lot of stress by tickling you and letting his worries drift away with your laughter

He found out when you were trying to get some cookies off of a high shelf, because Beel was too weak from hunger to stand on the chair, but when you lost your balance and almost fell, he caught you with one hand on your hip and the other under your arm, and when you spasmed he immediately knew why

He doesn’t sneak up on anyone— if you’re going to be tickled, you’re going to be tickled. You’ll hear him coming and get a chance to hide, but you probably won’t be able to because he’ll find you eventually

Despite his size, he’s gentle when tickling you, at least with his hands— though he enjoys acting like he’ll eat you, due to how many funny noises you make, so he uses his mouth and teeth to tickle more often than not

His teasing is mostly food-related, as are most things with Beel, and he always says he’ll eat you, though it’s clear he’d never dream of actually doing it... he also uses the standard “tickle” tease, drawing it out to fluster you more

“Your ribs look rather tasty... I’m going to nibble them.” “What fruit is that named after again? Raspberries? Fitting, you match one right about now.” “Nom, nom, nom... your belly is tastier than a cheeseburger by far.” “Tickle tickle tickle... what, is that funny?” “If you buy me food, I’ll let you go... nah, never mind, I won’t.”

He’ll chuckle and make funny little faces while he tickles you, and try to make eye contact as much as possible to really make you blush

His wings aren’t that useful in his demon form, but the fact that his teeth sharpen is— he’ll be even more gentle when nibbling you, but you can bet it’ll tickle ten times worse to have demon teeth scraping across your skin

Will pull you into his arms and offer you some food, then rest his chin on top of your head and hug you to calm you down, smiling like a goof the entire time

As a lee:

Generally, the hungrier he is, the less strength he has to fight back— but it’s best to catch him when he’s not so hungry that he might go on a rampage if he doesn’t eat, so there won’t be any danger toward you, but not after he’s just eaten, which makes him less sensitive

A 7/10 on the sensitivity scale, he has quite a few tickle spots and genuinely loves laughing and smiling, especially if it’s with you or Belphie

His tummy and navel are very sensitive, and so are his thighs and the backs of his knees

Knows he could easily hurt you if he struggles too much, so he tries his best not to, holding onto something like pillows or blankets to keep himself from shoving you away, and always tossing his head back and forth to hide his blush and his smile

If you trace a finger down his abs to his belly button and wiggle your finger inside, he’ll wheeze and usually grab a pillow to bring up to cover his face— you’ll know when he wants you to stop, he’ll tap out by weakly smacking your leg with his hand

If you turn the teasing back on him, he becomes more responsive to the tickling, trying to curl in on himself and laughing harder than if you were to just tickle him— the harder he blushes, the more he can’t take the teasing

His laugh is very deep and rumbly like thunder, seeming to shake the whole house the harder it gets— he hates his laughter, but he knows how much you and Belphie like hearing it, so he doesn’t mind that much

He’ll always hide his face if you attempt to take a picture of him while he’s blushy and giggly, but if you manage to get one he’ll just ask you not to share it

He’ll sit up and rest his chin on your shoulder, then ask if you can go get him a snack— tickling tires him out— then he’ll wrap his arms around you and munch on whatever you brought him, content to calm down in your presence

Belphegor

Lee, Ler, or Switch?: Like Beel, equal switch— he doesn’t mind being tickled, and he enjoys doing the tickling just as much.

As a ler:

Usually feigns sleep to get people to drop their guard, then pounces on them when they least expect him to— he’s the Avatar of Sloth, he’s the best at acting like he’s asleep

Like his brother, he sees your laughter as his third thing that makes him happy, with the first two being Beel and naps, and so he always wants to hear your laugh every chance he gets— it also makes him sleepy because he says your laugh is soothing

He found out after he invited you to nap with him one day— you were trying to get comfortable and shifted a little too much, and Belphie prodded his finger into your side and told you to stay still, making you squeak... thankfully he was too tired to act then, but it was already too late

Almost like a cat, he likes to hide behind furniture, under blankets and beds, or even above doorways, and pounce when it’s least expected— and if he’s well-rested, he’ll chase you down if you run from him

Loves building anticipation and being slow and gentle with his tickles, only to dig in unexpectedly— he also likes to nuzzle a lot, mostly because he knows his hair tickles and being that close would make /anyone/ blush

Sings little lullabies and replaces words with “tickle” in order to tease you, but also points out your sensitivity and how much you’re blushing, and asks how tired you are

"Your face is so red right now. It’s so cute.” “Are you getting tired yet? I don’t think you are, you’re still laughing a lot.” “C’mon, this can’t tickle /that/ bad.” “You’re making me sleepy, laughing this much.” “If you’re not sleepy yet, then I don’t know what to tell you. Guess I’ll just have to keep going until you’re out cold.”

His tail in his demon form is a very useful tickle tool, he can swish it anywhere he wants and drive you up the wall with how soft the hair on the tip is

He’ll curl up next to you and pull you close to him, nestling your head under his chin and letting his breathing calm you down— and he’ll probably go to sleep, he can tire himself out no problem

As a lee:

Waking him up from a dead sleep is the best way to catch him off-guard, and ensures he won’t be able to get revenge as quickly as if he were already awake

Only slightly above his twin on the sensitivity scale, he’s an 8/10 as he’s a little more ticklish than Beel— but if you were to ask him, he’d say Beel is more ticklish

Shares his brother’s death spots, aka his tummy and belly button, but his hips, knees, and toes are other bad spots

Is very squirmy, considering he’s the smallest he knows he can’t hurt you if he squirms a little— but if you keep his favorite pillow near him, he’ll smack you with it if the tickles are too much to handle

Even looking at his tummy wrong makes him giggle, and the best tactic is to tickle his tummy and belly button at the same time, rapidly vibrating your fingers— he’ll lose it and screech with laughter, and flail helplessly

He hates being teased, and will attempt to swat at you every time you do it, despite being weak when he’s tickled and not being able to fight back like he normally would

His laugh is the sweetest of all of his brothers, light, gentle, and delicate, and his giggles are adorable— he hates when people tell him his laugh is cute, though, so that’s another way to fluster him

He’ll smack you with his pillow and run away before you ever catch him smiling on-camera— he hates getting pictures taken, they make him feel shy and he doesn’t want anyone to see him so vulnerable

Like when he tickles you, he’ll curl up next to you and yawn, and tell you he’s sleepy, then fall asleep soon after— and he’ll definitely cuddle you, mostly to be sure you can’t get away when he wakes up and wants revenge

#pls help i am dying from this #these boys r too cute #btw the second pic of levi is different bc he doesn't have a cute home screen interaction like the others #but at least he still cute #my fave is Mammon btw #I adore him

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gilmesc1 · 4 years ago

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It's time...

Here we go. More points on the fish blog. Part two. Insert more words here. Ok, so pretty sure I have read their entire blog and was quite disappointed in the lack of fish themed content.

God fucking Dammit Gil you're supposed to be respectful rn.

Anywho, I also took a look at other people who both agreed and disagreed with the angry fish. @vide0-killed-the-radi0-star seems to be one of the most current anti angry fish advocates and since I agree with a lot of their points just gonna tag them, cover all the bases because tumblr.

First point: the fish has their moments. They actually do have some useful facts about surviving abusive parents. So we're not dealing with a fucking idiot, give them credit where credit is due. However I say some points for a reason. Our lovely fish seems to be very hit or miss with their posts. Secondly as mentioned in the first post they umbrella term the shit out of everything.

Gonna use an analogy (I think this is an analogy): Autism has a spectrum, as does npd. Not every trick works for all of us and sometimes making the wrong move actually increases our power. Example A, their post about making their abusive parents back off by insulting them back. This is a risky move people. I and many other sacks of horseshit (aka people with npd) absolutely LOVE it when our victims fight back. It makes it fun. And if you insult us we then can use and exploit your attack to our advantage, as we can also then retaliate because you started it. Some of us are itching for fights. It could be voluntary or involuntary, as people with npd have triggers as well. So start a fight with a wrong one and you could have screwed your self We are very very meticulous. Not to be a narcissist or anything (god arent i hilarious) but we're smart. We don't just insult. We choose insults carefully. We study our victims and analyze them. So yes the fish has good stuff BUT be careful. All people are unpredictable and you don't want to rush into shit unprepared.

And now my next point for this post. This is all speculation on my part so bear with me. I analyze people always and after getting faced with a whole blog heres what I got: Our dear fish is obviously a victim. An angry one, dare I say furious? Fish is a damaged person. A mix of emotional scars and festering emotional wounds. I will say they are very tough. They are fighting for their right to live safely. That is respectable. However fish has a big target on their back with some neon letters screaming COME PICK ON ME. Many other narcissists like myself also state that they have an eye for people who make great victims. Fish is one of them. Despite the talk about fighting back they are still vulnerable. Honestly they are one of my favorite types of people to play with (shit person remember) The ones that fight back for some are exciting. It's a toy with batteries and pretty lights. This isn't all that makes fish a damn magnet for people.

They are very forward with their claims and views and while some are correct some are so hysterically wrong they look ridiculous to even the most neurotypical of people. They need to read back and look at some of the things they've written. However I doubt they can. They're like never going to change their mind so no one should waste their time trying to change it. Brick wall. Finally theyve left themself wiiiiiide open. I mean honestly. Stating some of the things they do is just screaming COME AND GET ME which they have received obvious backlash for. (Asks are completely off) They technically "attacked" first meaning I could go up and cry my little eyes out saying they hurt me soooo much and I'm sure a lot of you would back me up. Side note: I have the emotional range of a hurricane meaning that some days I'm numb af and others I cry over dumb shit. Just because I'm finding this whole thing funny doesn't mean others do. I'll write more in the next post I make cuz this is long. I am trying to be polite but yikessss. Sorry fish.

#Npd #narcissist #narcissistic personality disorder #actuallynpd #actuallybpd #furiousgoldfish

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gcncontroller · 6 years ago

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wow it’s been like six thousand years since i did one of these! tysm @genericblogname04 for the tag!? :)c

Rules: Answer these questions then tag some blogs you’d like to know better

Nickname: sam, samuel, samwise

Zodiac: gemini

Height: 5'7.5″

Time: 8:03am

Favorite band/artists: this is difficult but rn it’s weezer and justin timberlake

Song stuck in my head: Land of Confusion by Genesis

Last movie I saw: Zombieland i think LOL

Last thing I googled: i googled texas last night to make sure i wasn’t making shit up from my texas history class in seventh grade (texas was it’s own sovereign state for almost ten years in 1836-46 fellas)

oh actually i lied i googled heart gold this morning to see how much i could theoretically sell my complete copy for (probably like $140 :0)

Other blogs: none that i use actively anymore

Do I get asks: sometimes... i don’t talk as much here anymore though so it’s no surprise

Why did I choose my username: The GameCube controller is the standard controller for Nintendo's GameCube video game console. Released alongside the GameCube console, the standard GameCube controller has a wing grip design. This controller was bundled with all new GameCube systems throughout th (okay this wasn’t as funny as i thought it would be. tl;dr i love the gcn controller)

Following: 215

Average amount of sleep: probs like 7

Lucky number: 7, 17

What I’m wearing: a star wars shirt with chinese text on it and grey workout pants that are too short

Dream trip: japan and/or europe. tentative plans to go to tokyo with a few friends late next year!!

Favorite food: i’ll give you my top five. brownies, salmon, goldfish crackers, potstickers and oranges

Play any instruments: i played the flute for one (1) year in the sixth grade

Hair color: dirty blonde. there’s some red in there too

Eye color: pale blue

Most iconic song: any fmab opening

Languages you speak: just english :/ i know a little japanese

Random fact: i have a small scar on my right index finger knuckle and i have no idea where it came from

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: video game gifs and manga caps... yeah same actually but i’d add water pics

Tagging: hmmm lemme see... @chichorie @sangakumanami @kevuvu @maz-koshia @lesbiannya ? haha sorry for the @ guys but hey what’s up how’s it hangin’. also please feel free to ignore

and anyone else who wants to too! @ me if you do this :)c

#thinkin' aloud #let's post before i feel self-conscious

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neojeno · 6 years ago

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why do you hate armies? we're like really chill idk

Lmao my inbox starts working again and this is the first ask I get.

Anyway… hi hon, you obviously haven’t been following me for very long— maybe you aren’t following at all! Whatever, the point is, I don’t hate armies. I hate prejudiced, annoying little shits who have to make everything about themselves. Oh quick note, why do you assume I hate armies? I haven’t made any recent posts regarding BTS or their fandom.

Anon, I was once an Army. I created this blog for the sole purpose of stanning BTS. Trust me, I think BTS are great. I absolutely love their music. I have several of their physical albums and went to one of their concerts (which was, by the way, one of the best times of my life). However, I have since left the Army fandom and, by the state of my blog, become an NCTzen living in NCT’s world (NCity). Why did I leave the Army fandom? Well, actually, there was an in-between part where I was stanning NCT and BTS at the same time. I’ve been into BTS for the past three years now and NCT? Only the past four months. I might be a good representation of that one pretty funny post that was floating around for awhile about how BTS wrote “Don’t Leave Me” because half of their fanbase was leaving them for NCT. NCT just came back at the right time and I was given the lovely opportunity to stan another incredibly talented group! Oh author’s note: don’t hate on the multi-fandom stanners, it takes a lot of fricken work to keep up with a lot of different groups and they’re just spreading the love bc there are so many talented idols out there! Anyway, I got into NCT naturally and I have just grown to really really love them. At some point, I just sorta stopped posting about BTS and you know what? That’s fine, it’s my blog and I can post whatever the fuck I want. Now, the truth is that I still really really love BTS. Their music is amazing and I still really love them— just as much as I always have.

But here’s where I might be able to get at what you’re asking: I haven’t left BTS, I’ve left the Army fandom. Why? For a couple of reasons: When I stan groups, I like to give them all my attention so I know what’s going on and so I can support them as much as I can— so that’s why NCT is my main concern/focus right now. I just really love them, what can I say? So that’s why I’m just posting a lot about them. Sure, I’m a part of like one BTS network, but I don’t feel like I even deserve to be called an Army anymore if all I’m posting about is another group. Idk, it just doesn’t feel right. Anyway, the second reason is that, after having become an NCTzen (wow I’m really talking as though I’m morphing into different beings or something), I’ve started to see a lot more into the Army fandom. Remember when I was talking about how there was an in-between stage when I was sorta stanning BTS and NCT at the same time (just look back through my archive,, sometime in March was that part of my life)? I started to view Armies (remember I’m talking about the fandom not BTS) as an outsider. I didn’t feel like I was one of them anymore (now that was one of the signs that told me I was already leaving, gone). I started to see the more toxic side of the Army fandom because I was no longer consumed in it. When I was still hardcore stanning Taehyung (and seriously he is the loml but Jeno’s sorta taking that spot now oof) and really into BTS, I was quite blind to the toxic environment that is sometimes the Army fandom. When I started stanning NCT, I started subconsciously comparing (it’s just a natural thing human beings do,, you might not want to, but you subconsciously pick up on what’s different about the different things you’re involved in) the NCT fanbase to BTS’s fanbase. that’s how i started to see the things i didn’t like about the Army fandom. Of course, all that I’m about to say doesn’t apply to all Armies and all that I’m about to say doesn’t have to be the image/reputation of the Army fandom (I am one person and if my words have that much of an effect on you then I suggest you reflect on the state of your emotional security), but from my experience, I’ve seen a few things the Army fandom, in particular, perpetrate that I’m uncomfortable with: One is that the BTS members are hypersexualized. BTS smut is all over the place. (I may be a horny teen but idk I sorta just wanna focus on college) People talk about Jungkook like he’s a meal in the most ordinary situations. Second, Armies tend to equate BTS to Kpop and, as someone who’s grown up listening to Kpop her entire life, I just can’t deal with people who think BTS are the only relevant group around here. Third, and along with my second point, I often see Armies making comments about BTS when BTS literally isn’t involved. Like, stop making everything about your favs??? I og stan B.A.P and when “That’s My Jam” came out, Armies in the comment sections were like, “omg Youngjae’s orange hair looks like Jimin’s” — umm like omg you don’t have to fucking make everything about yourself Youngjae looks like Youngjae!!! When Jonghyun passed, @/mimibtsghost made a post telling her followers to be grateful that, unlike Jonghyun, BTS is under such a caring agency and if you don’t see something wrong with that fucking comparison in that sort of fucking situation then fuck off my blog. Anywayyyy,,,, last and probably most influential in my leaving of the Army fandom was the fact that I no longer felt close to the fandome. My old blog (which was dedicated to BTS) had 1k followers but I didn’t have a single mutual whom i talked to often. I didn’t even realize how lonely that life was until I joined the NCT fandom. Oh author’s note: I’m using my experience as an NCTzen to reflect on what I realized I didn’t have/didn’t like about the Army fandom— not to put NCT on a pedestal. Anyway I follow quite a few big bts blogs and stuff and what I’ve realized is that a lot of people just follow the big blogs and pretty much (for lack of a better word) worship them. Now this isn’t shade on the big blogs, this is shade on the fact that, at least in my 3 years of experience as an Army, the fandom doesn’t feel tight or close. And guess what? That’s my opinion and my experience. Who knows? Maybe I legit just don’t know how to make friends. But in addition to that, I just see a shit ton of drama even within the Army fandom and it’s just exhausting. Oh that’s another thing, when I was an Army, it was fucking exhausting to see fights break out within the fandom or to see fellow Armies starting fights with other fandoms and then think to myself: well at least I’m one of the good Armies. I mean idk about you but now that I’m living the good life and having a better time, having to reassure yourself with that sort of thought is depressing and quite reflective of the Army fandom itself. Armies themselves know they can be awful sometimes.

Anyway, I don’t necessarily hate Armies. I love that people are supporting BTS because I really do think BTS deserves all the recognition they’re getting for their hard work. What I hate is the shamelessness and disrespect that some people exhibit and don’t excuse because they think they’re insured by BTS’s top-of-kpop status (this isn’t sarcasm,, if you’re asking me to be objective I actually believe BTS is riding the peak of kpop like icing on a cake rn and I’m proud of them). Because the Army fandom is just so freakin huge— maybe like 40% of the world are Armies now (again, great! I’m glad BTS is getting a lot of love), it just happens to be that most of that sort of behavior is concentrated in the Army fandom.

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, good for you. Honestly, im sorta glad you asked this. This was a way for me to sort out my own feelings about this, too. if you’re frustrated with this answer, you can send hate but you’ll still just be frustrated by yourself. As RM once said, “I like hate comments more than no comments.” You know the rest. Sorry your words don’t hold much power if I’m unaffected. I just don’t give a fuck. ~h

#this was really really really long #....#anyway #ops #anon #answered #p #long story short i don't hate armies idk why you asked me this i literally haven't made a recent post about them

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labyrinth-of-headcanons · 7 years ago

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A surprise rant, yay!

Hellooo everyone,

It is I, your favorite mood destroyer, here again, to try and tell you about my problems.

Maybe something about myself lately, as there are surprisingly a few of you who are very concerned about me, which I appreciate, so quick update: I quit my job which generally made me very unhappy and depressed at the beginning of the year and am currently battling the mental illness that came because of it. So far, even if I had some very bad days and weeks - which you might have noticed too, every now and then - I’ve been doing a bit better and only recently I started therapy to work on my trauma, which hopefully will dissolve most of my problems. So far it’s going okay, only some of the medication I got are very troublesome and also mood-changing, hence why I am currently super frustrated and decided to rant a little. I want to apologize to everyone who might think I am rude today, but please understand I heavily lack the compassion right now.

First of all, maybe a few good aspects first:

Since joining the discord server you saw going around, I feel like I am improving my writing - there are a lot of very helpful and creative pupils there and I am super thankful I got to know them, plus I am currently absorbing anything I can learn and am really trying - and I decided to get it out more into the tumblrverse, hence why I am starting to tag more magi related things now. It took me a while to get to this point, as I always thought it looks quite attention-needy, but I feel like I should deserve to get more recognition for work that takes me hours sometimes (not joking, you should see me writing scenarios, it’s a disaster). So if you see the tags, please just smile and move on, this has nothing to do with you, who are already reading it!

I want to work with more prompt lists in the future, but I think I will take a step back on how I handled them till now. I will keep labeling them as specials, but all the rules and limitations are too strict for my taste at the moment. You all probably felt like this too and I just want to go back to have more leisure fun. (It’s funny to say that when I am about to complain soon hahaha)

Even though a lot was double requested lately, by now, it seems you all got the hang of it and it makes my life so much easier to not have to go on the search myself, while you get to see your request immediately, isn’t that practical? It saves time and it makes me very happy, same as that no one shortens names anymore! Just seeing the full names make me incredibly happy, thank you so much! Also, there is much more politeness lately, so I guess I did get through to you and it’s good noticing that others look out for me too.

Okay so far so good, let’s ruin moods now, shall we:

Even though I know that magi ended and snb too, I am still a bit sad to have to say that I don’t regularly get enough requests anymore for me to be able to have a 3 requests/day queue. It’s sad having to take this step back but if we do the maths, I’d at least need to get 2 requests for HC and either one more or one for scenario (3 all together) per night/day so that we can keep it running without problems. But as it seems and with how everything turned out with the manga I don’t think I can support it very much anymore, when I want to let the blog run as long as it takes for the fandom to die completely. Of course, this could change if there were a sudden rise, but if we face it truthfully, your guys must slowly be running out of ideas after 1200+ requests and I understand that. Since I actually have a few saved up requests (minus the scenarios) rn, I might let it run for 3 for two more days, but then I’ll have to change it, sorry for the disappointment though since you were probably used to the 3 a day!

As much as you guys listen to me about the topics of the other rants, there are still a few who leave a bitter taste with their requests. I do have some specific examples, but I will put them under the cut later, so do look into them. I also plan on renewing the rules soon, more info follows now:

Aside from me having to delete more requests than ever, simply because they are not doable, I just noticed that apparently a lot of you have troubles with specifying. But it’s not manageable anymore. If I was a new blog, you can do that but by now, if you have no idea in which direction your request about a popular character should go, then don’t bother sending anything in, please. Don’t bother with time and places too much, just give me a good, detailed ‘What should be happening’. There will also be a new rule which will state exactly which form of requests I am simply not going to answer anymore, including:

> One sentence requests > Requests without real happening, concerning body types > Requests without real happening, concerning characters sexuality

And some more, that I have yet to spell out on paper.

I am majorly bored by the not-existing diversity of characters. I don’t know about you guys but no matter how much I like certain characters, they get soooooo plain to write for over time. I see so many people liking all the side-characters but I am honestly doubting that since there are no requests for them at all. Of course, you don’t have to pressure yourself into it, but if you have an idea for a request, which was already used on your favorite character, why not request it for someone you are more neutral to or you like but don’t think so much about it? Also ironically I get more Hakuren/Hakuyuu requests - which I still don’t like and I won’t keep quiet about it, I ABSOLUTELY DON’T LIKE WRITING FOR THEM - than Hakuryuu and if that doesn’t make you guys think about it, I just don’t know anymore, maybe you should reread the manga or something. Here are some ideas: Hakuryuu, Aladdin, Alibaba, Kougyoku, Hakuei, Sphintus, Doron, Lo’lo, Myron, Razol, Yaqut, Masrur, Sharrkan, Yamraiha, Hinahoho, Rurumu, Pisti, Spartos, Armakan, Mira, Darius, Takeruhiko, Nanaumi, any household members of the Kou Empire, Alma Torran Characters, Arba, David, Mahad, Olba, Toto, Yunan, Badr, Esra AND SO MANY MORE

My rules are not bendable anymore and out. I am super duper agitated that my rules, my comfort zone, the things that are important to me, are just being tossed around and stepped on. If you break the rules, I don’t see any reason to be gentle anymore. There can be mistakes yes but if you regularly request than you are being incredibly rude and that’s all I am going to say about that. Plus, before you come with the argument that you couldn’t have possibly known it because you didn’t see this specific post, where I stated it, then I’d recommend reading the rules, the embodiment of everything. If that’s not something you want to do, you may leave.

Also, people starting to send in previously denied request again, why. Just why. There is a reason and if I denied it once, the chance I wanted to see it again is 0%. Congratulation for wasting time, seriously.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. This is always getting out of hand but I am seriously restless about these things. Maybe it would help if you guys would remember that in the end I am just another human being and I have limits, which you are destroying ever once in a while. I am not including all of you here, but a few of you would do good to keep down a little and use some common sense.

I do wish everyone a good start into the week and that you have a good time. If there are any questions, I am always open for conversations, you guys shouldn’t bottle things inside of you either.

Now a few responses to requests and then I’ll be in bed for now:

@little-wizard-3010 Rules are rules. I can’t exchange length of writing for another character, this is ridiculous of a demand, when I clearly state I don’t want more than two per scenario request. You could always send in the same requests multiple times, but for the moment that I’ll be writing it, I only want to concentrate on two okay. I am deleting it for now, you can think about sending it in again according to rules or not, your decision.

@ashirishadowbates You’ll need to do better than that. I don’t think characters are superficial, why does no one understand this. Maybe you all want me to be mean and make bad headcanons, but why are you not stating this then? Give me a real thing like: ‘Hi! Can I have HCs about S/o feeling insecure about being chubby at the Mahrajan, because she sees the other dancers and Sinbad comforts her. Thank you!’ That’s a reason. If they have anxiety and that’s all of the information I am going to get, you’d be better off going in the comfort tag and enjoy yourself. Also what is going to be chubby change with nsfw? I am chubby and that sure as hell does not make me different in any aspect of life. Sex is not a problem solver, or else I just found out what I am doing wrong the last few years. Give. Me. A reason to do your request. You want something proper? Then give me something proper.

Well, would you have read the actual post, you would have seen I had a deadline there. Pretty bold you’d still send in a request so many weeks later wow. You’ve got guts.

#Admin

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tylerwritez · 3 years ago

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Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m. sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad. But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking about random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

#JudeJournals #jude shepard #tumblr diary #journal

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chimericarchitect · 7 years ago

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((Terrible and Saness discuss the recent trouble she’s been having with her guardian and possible solutions to those problems. There are a few trigger warnings for this chat, including head stuff, manipulation, mind control, amnesia, suicide (sorta), and death in general.))

flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 11:23 AM FO: chirp? Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 11:24 AM SP: Sorry, I was distracted by a musical interlude. SP: I was gonna ask "what do you want to know" but you'd probably have a hard time forming specific questions without something to base it on. SP: So, uh, you wanted to know why that strategy was the strategy I've got going. I'm not actually set on it because I don't like it as a plan, but I will probe my options before taking action y'know? Even the ones that suck. SP: Anyway, Anista is a golem or something. SP: And it sucks. flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 11:30 AM FO: totally, checking out your options is the smart thing even if some of the options are horrible bullshit. you wont know exactly how bad an idea they are if you dont check FO: i usually bring up the worst idea first when im tryin to solve my own problems, just so i can cross it off the list... FO: that does suck. i could tell there was something going on in her, but ive got no idea whats in there. FO: was she always a golem? Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 11:34 AM SP: I think so. I'm guessing a little bit on that part. Context says probably, because I did a thing and almost got wiped so she got replaced with a Brand New Anista Golem that functioned like she used to, meaning that she's acting like a full person again instead of a zombie. flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 11:53 AM FO: uh, yikes FO: you okay there? FO: and who or what replaced her? Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 11:55 AM SP: I'm... uh, yeah. SP: It's just a thing. SP: As for the who/what in charge of replacing her, I'm not quite sure. They're a lot bigger than me, but I'm not willing to say "horrorterror" without evidence. I'm not experienced enough to tell. So, for now, it remains a mystery. SP: If you meant "what is she now" then the answer is "a seemingly normal troll who is constantly keeping tabs on me and probably ready to dropkick my pan at the slightest provocation." flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 12:01 PM FO: misc eldritch thing #1 it is FO: yikes, thats p shitty FO: if i ever catch you acting different, do you want to give preemptive permission for me to sneak over and try to return you to this state? FO: or like, to come check and make sure any changes are Legit Things You Wanted And Are Fine With Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 12:03 PM SP: That would be pretty great, if you don't mind. flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 12:04 PM FO: fuckin anytime, dude, ill set myself a timer to peek at your blog once a week. make sure to delete the logs of this convo in case she peeks at your computer FO: okay so, something happened, and she wound down enough that she stopped working. but then something else happened, and now shes back. FO: is she winding down again, or is she going to stay at full capacity? FO: did the thing that put her together like this get distracted and wander off forever, or did it wander off and then come back? Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 12:10 PM SP: There is no evidence suggesting that she is in a state of decline, presently. She was fine and seemingly normal for the entirety of three sweeps before she turned into the zombie fake-o person. My current hypothesis is that she... wears out? Like a timer, or an old battery or something. SP: The thing that did this obviously isn't hanging out 24/7 or I probably wouldn't be me already. I think Anista-Golem is like a watchdog or something for whatever-the-fuck eldritch doodad the first. SP: A lot of that is gonna be speculation; I don't know much about the big guy. flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 12:14 PM FO: yeeahh...(edited) FO: yeah you need out of there dude FO: and you need out of there in a way that they wont notice FO: so i can see why the death thing is a thing FO: i wish id known about this while you were still seery, then i coulda asked some questions an gotten pokey about a lotta fuckin FO: theres a lotta unknowns here and a lotta things that Could branch how this goes If they are true FO: ... shit is p whack, friend. anythin i can do to help i will Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 12:18 PM SP: Thanks, Terrible. I really do appreciate it. flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 12:22 PM FO: this one time my life sucked total ass, and someone was nice to me at exactly the right time. and i decided that maybe being nice to people wasnt stupid, and that it was nice that there were people like that around. so i decided to be someone like that. FO: this shit is exactly why. Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 12:23 PM SP: It's a good attitude, in my opinion. I prefer to help people when I can. SP: Before I go on about my plan to get out of here, there's a bit more to this yet, of the things I know. SP: One of the reasons I trust my death-note-suggestion from the future-past is because, like I said, I almost got wiped. SP: If I hadn't been all godly when it happened, it might've worked. Probably would have. SP: Anyway SP: I was getting erased, or blocked, or something (gross and weird) because I was messing with a mind wall (maybe?) and I got caught. SP: So maybe I need to disconnect from whatever I'm tethered to. SP: It's what I'm guessing, anyway. I'd prefer not to do the dying thing, obviously. flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 12:24 PM FO: B( FO: yeah, obvs. FO: im guessin you respawned once, but also dont remember parts of the anon? FO: is there other stuff that feels not solid? FO: the healer chick would need a small piece a you but hair or blood would probably do it, and she could rez you from a distance on command after that. shed just need to know when Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 12:41 PM SP: Most of the not-solid is from my memories. I don't remember a lot of stuff, it seems. Other stuff has to do with Anista and the generator. SP: Oh wait. SP: The generator. That's an okay idea. In tandem, not separately. SP: I'd need to put Anista out of commission for a bit though. Hm. SP: Can you tell me a little about the healer lady? I trust you, but I've never spoken to her I don't think. Is she a God Tier as well? flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 12:43 PM FO: yeah. shes a meenah, Meenah Peixes FO: long story short she lives in sparks's universe, and she's kinda low key and staying out of the spotlight. does a lotta bakin, some healin for pay. FO: shes kinda mercenary but i think she cares about dudes once they catch her interest, which most dont FO: the universe shes in has legal limes, crimsons, and wings, and no caste system, so theres no problems on the mutant front FO: i could vouch to be there and supervise 100% of the rez process if you trust me enough for that an itd help any Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 1:00 PM SP: I don't know if that will help any, but I appreciate the offer and I'll keep it in mind. SP: I considered whether or not, as a Prince of Mind, you'd be able to bust shit up so I could skip the not-being-alive part, but that seems less likely to work and more likely to get you smooshed by the eldritch fucko. SP: Besides this stuff, I'm trying to convince a pal of mine to go off-world with me before they fuck up and start a sgrub session. SP: None of my timeframes are defined, so it all feels kinda like it has to be done immediately. Am I gonna get wiped? Is my friend gonna blow up this Alternia? I don't know what's happening first. SP: I think I'm rambling now, sorry. SP: More useful thing, practical type. Do you know the charging rates on resurrection? SP: Which is a funny sentence, by the way. flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 1:04 PM FO: fightin an eldritch fucko would be a heck of a fight, but its one id give a go. ive done it before, ive pulled that kinda shit outta dudes heads. theres a big variance on how big an individual eldritch fucko happens to be though, so its a thing to take super fuckin seriously before blunderin straight into FO: if anybody could cut a mind connection, id probably be able to though FO: ramblin makes sense, and bein in a hurry makes sense too. why is your friend on the verge of startin a sgrub session? do they like, know not to? -- flippinOptimist began sending file : meenahsfliersarefuckinweird.pdf -- (( a 2-page document, where the first is a classy menu for baked goods with a catering section at the bottom, and the second is a matching menu for healing by injury type with a 'special requests on case by case basis' section at the bottom. It lists reviving as a special request. )) FO: i think she bases it partly on what a dude can scrape together, but idk FO: theres a chance sparks might be willin to help (or meddle) for free, but hes got an M!A rn thats fuckin up his ability to do things Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 1:17 PM [ sanessPsuede downloaded meenahsfliersarefuckinweird.pdf ] SP: Oh hey, great, thanks. SP: I don't know how close she is to starting one, because she's not answering any of my messages. SP: I'll probably have to hunt her down in person. I figure she can't start a game if I get her out of the zone for a bit. SP: Maybe delay the inevitable. SP: Fex is a cool dude. You and he have some stuff in common there. SP: I haven't been able to tell my friend not to yet, obviously. I don't think she took it seriously when I told her about it before. flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 1:23 PM FO: good luck delayin it, an talkin your friend outta it FO: sgrub is somethin you can make the best outta, f you get stuck in it, but uh FO: a lot of it sucks real bad Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 1:27 PM SP: It's probably more efficient SP: to see if dying works SP: rather than engaging in a risky conflict unprepared SP: Side note! SP: Thoughts on how to break a mental connection to a thing that is not a person? SP: Like the Anista puppet or a wall. SP: If there's not a mind, can there even be a link? flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 1:41 PM FO: efficient isnt really a good word when somebodys life is on the line, and id still risk it. its more about whats most likely to work i think. FO: i think worrying about whether or not something is a person is more of a soul / heart thing FO: if it has a mind, thats close enough FO: theres plenty of bugs that are too simple for me to be able to get a read on FO: and a couple a computer programs that are almost something enough, that i cant quite reach FO: but i peeked at her and saw that she existed and that there was stuff, if i was careful enough i might be able to unplug somethin FO: i think info processing and the ability to choose between outcomes is the big thing. ideally in some kind of.. complex..ish way, naut just a simple if statement Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 2:07 PM SP: What about a literal wall? Something completely mindless. Could something eldritch-y make a connection to it? flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 2:11 PM FO: never seen one! one way to find out though B) Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 2:22 PM SP: :D SP: Okay, I'm gonna see about getting in touch with Meenah. No point waiting around. SP: It's efficient, and probably more effective. SP: I'm not inclined to gamble with more than my own neck if I can avoid it. SP: Risk to result ratio says dying is the way to live SP: while causing the least amount of harm, probably flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 2:25 PM FO: if youre sure dude FO: for what its worth, if you go into a death knowin its comin and bein okay w knowin youre (probably) comin out the other side, its naut as aaaaaaaaAAAAa as it is when its a surprise and also a big upsetting disruption FO: its still kinda A Fuckin Thing, but FO: its possible to get over it, more n most ways of death comin by Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 2:29 PM SP: Okay, I'm not really sure, but the alternative worries me a lot and putting other people at risk jangles my moral compass pretty hard flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 2:30 PM FO: man, if you ever godtier, you're definitely gonna run into problems w the heroic thing Saness (sanesspsuede) - Today at 2:35 PM SP: Just means I'd be a normal dude with super powers. One life, one death. Seems fair. SP: And sucky. SP: No thank you, Sgrub. flippinOptimist[WIR] - Today at 2:43 PM FO: yeah, p much.

#ooc eyes only #flippinoptimist #plot #//death #//suicide #//mind control #//manipulation #//amnesia #//head stuff #chat log #long post

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