#the shadow is but a small and passing thing

[jaehaeryshater]

The King Come Over and his bride Ygritte Firekissed

art by : @shripscapi

Look at my King dawg we’re definitely getting through the Wall!!!

For the last month and a half, I have been working closely with Liesl to design concepts for Jon as King Beyond the Wall and Ygritte as his Queen. Personally, I’m not invested at all in Jon becoming King of the Seven Kingdoms despite him being my favorite character. He’s not very connected with the South and I don’t feel that it’s his birth right or anything, even being the son of Rhaegar. I am significantly more interested in him becoming King in the North, but my interest in Freefolk culture has led me to be far more invested in the idea of him rejecting Southron society as a whole and becoming King Beyond the Wall (this isn’t necessarily mutually exclusive to being King in the North later on).

The motivation for Jon becoming King as opposed to Mance stems from a theory that has been around since AGOT has come out: that the Others will only treat with/negotiate with a Stark. In the prologue of AGOT, when the Others are speaking among themselves before killing the Watchmen, what if they were confirming with each other that Waymar Royce was not a Stark and that they could go ahead and kill him? All in all, it doesn’t really matter if this is true, but rather that this is a plausible rumor that could easily have been passed down among the Freefolk which could lead Mance to conclude that Jon as a leader would give the Freefolk the best chance of survival. It’s not very hard, at least in my opinion, to imagine an AU like this, since survival is the most important thing to the Freefolk during the events of ASOIAF. But is it plausible that under these circumstances that Jon would abandon his Night’s Watch vows? I think so if he can be led to believe that only Stark blood could defeat the Others, but that is not the only factor. Jon Snow is insecure about his bastard status, plain and simple. He’s always lived in the shadow of his Robb, though he loved him. He’s wanted Winterfell, though he didn’t want to nor had any intention to take it from Robb. But he’s known since he was a small boy that he could never Winterfell and that would never inherit anything because he was a bastard. Jon also has thoughts, at least in passing, that Ned loved Robb more than him. He perceives Ned as having been more proud of Robb, of looking at him differently than himself. He’s seemingly always believed this, but there is a sort of confirmation of Jon’s feelings when Ned allows him to join the Night’s Watch without much preparation on what the Watch is actually like. Fully me making assumptions here, not something Jon has explicitly thought, but it’s unlikely that Ned would have sent Bran off at 14 to the Watch without much warning of what it was like, had Bran not become paralyzed. While we never get this exact thought process from Jon, in my opinion it fits into his psychology and insecurity. All this to say, if Jon is offered to be a figurehead, King, a title equal to his brother, but without taking anything away from the Starks or from Robb, that would almost certainly scratch that itch in him. It would be of his own merit, and there would be people behind him that don’t care that he’s a bastard, don’t see him as less than, and are willing to accept him for who he is. Not to mention that it also lets him feel like a hero and as if he is saving something far more precious than himself. And it probably doesn’t hurt that he would be able to remain with Ygritte as well.

We know from the descriptions of Mance and Dalla, as well as from being told directly by the former, that the King and his wife dress like all the other Freefolk, in thick furs. While the Jon and Ygritte arts from above are not particularly ostentatious by Southron standards, they are in obvious contrast to how Mance and Dalla are dressed. My idea was that Jon, having lived South of the Wall in a Lord’s keep all of his life, brought his own ideas to the Freefolk and added a distinction between a King and all other men. Nothing like in King’s Landing, all changes are inspired by his experience at Winterfell. I tried to think of what was achievable by the Freefolk, that would be difficult enough that it can’t be easily replicated for everyone else, but also keeping in mind of what could be done relatively quickly seeing as the Freefolk are focused on migrating South and saving themselves from the Others. The cultures I took inspiration for the clothing from are the Byzantines, Russians, Incans, Aztecs, and Mongolians. I wanted more “open” and flowy clothing, as opposed to more closed off and excessively modest clothing of 1300-1500s Europe that most of Westeros is based off of. Ygritte is still wearing furs, but they are dyed and there is weirwood embroidery in symbolism of the Old Gods and flame embroidery to symbolize her being kissed by fire. Her jewelry are simply clay beads that have been powdered blue. I didn’t want to give her any jewels as I felt it would be too difficult for the Freefolk to cut them directly and just overall would be against the spirit of the Freefolk. However, getting the blue on the clay like that still would be expensive and take a lot of time. I tried to keep the main color scheme surrounding gray as obviously that’s House Stark’s color. Jon’s clothes are similarly nice, with my main concern being him looking intimidating. I want the furs around his shoulders to be black because I wanted to call back to his time in the Night’s Watch without him keeping his psychical cloak, because I’m sure the Freefolk would not want him to do that. The furs are massive and make his shoulders look far larger, in an effort to make him look more intimidating, especially on a battlefield or in negotiations. He also has weirwood embroidery and his sigil is on the front of his outfit (my original idea was for him to have a flag with his heraldry on it, in which case the sigil would have looked far different, with a full length direwolf). There’s a white wolf on one side and either a crow or eagle on the other side (up for interpretation, both are relevant to Jon and one is one of the animals that can be used a symbol of the Freefolk) and the flame in the middle to represent Ygritte. The sigil is more than about Jon, after all, as it’s for the entirety of House Whitewolf, the House he founds. I thought the name fit far more in to Freefolk culture than something like Whitestark or something along those lines. Ygritte was supposed to have sewn on the sigil herself, and was very adamant about it, and that is meant to be why the thread is uneven and more visible than it ought to be. She’s not very good at the craft!

As I indicated before, crowns are not something common to Freefolk. That would be something else Jon would implement. Ygritte’s crown is very much like a hat, very casual. The beads are nice but obtaining them wouldn’t be unheard of, and holly most likely would not be particularly hard to come by. The reason I gave her a crown with holly is that during Christmas in the Tudor period and even before during pagan celebrations, people would go out into the woods and find holly and ivy to decorate their houses with. Holly was a symbol of masculine energy and ivy feminine energy. If you found more holly, it was meant to indicate that the man would rule the household for the year, and if you found more ivy then the woman would rule the household in the coming year (this was a way to “tell the future” not a rule lol). I liked the holly better for Ygritte so I’m just saying the Freefolk had the opposite belief. Jon’s crown is made of weirwood, which was important to me as I feel like his connection the Old Gods is also important as it is something that him and Freefolk both use to guide them. It ties them together. That being said, a weirwood crown is often used for Bran so I did not want to use a design that was too similar to the one used for him. Bran’s weirwood crown usually is made of weirwood branches, however, and not weirwood bark or logs, so I feel like it’s different enough. The frozen weirwood sap, as far as I know, is also unique to this design. There’s also some ivy to parallel with Ygritte’s holly.

The remaining bits and bobs I wanted to explain are the blue rose and then the face paint. The blue rose is obviously something associated with Lyanna Stark, who is widely accepted to be the mother of Jon Snow. I originally wanted to give him a rose somewhere, whether he was holding it or it was in his embroidery, but I forgot to ask during sketching, and then it was too late. But Ygritte holding the blue rose isn’t just about Lyanna. It’s also about Bael the Bard, a most likely fictitious person (or at least, the tale is fictitious, though I personally choose to believe it’s real) that went South of the Wall posing as a bard. He impressed the Lord of Winterfell so much that he granted Bael anything he wished; all Bael asked for was the most beautiful flower in Winterfell. This was granted for him, but the next morning he had stolen the Lord of Winterfell’s only child, a girl, and had left the flower in her bed in her place. He hid in the crypt with her for a year and they had a son together. Bael eventually went back North of the Wall and eventually Winterfell, having no other heir, passed to Bael’s child. Under this story, Jon is descended from Ygritte’s idol (maybe idol is stretching it, but she really likes him), Bael the Bard. Not only him, but all the Freefolk including Ygritte, according to her story. Following the story’s premise, Jon also poses as Bael and Ygritte as Winterfell’s daughter, with Jon joining her home under false pretenses and “stealing her”, as she calls it. So the blue rose has significance regarding both the Starks and the Freefolk. The face paint is inspired by tattooing done by cultures indigenous to North America. Indigenous Americans are not the only groups to use facial tattooing, the Vikings were famous for it as well, but Viking facial tattooing had more patterns based on shapes rather than lines and dots. I didn’t like the shapes so much, but the chin tattoo was one was that observed in all sorts of different cultures. Usually the chin tattoos with the line were on women in indigenous America, but I found some on men in other outside cultures. The dots I didn’t see outside of Native American culture and the claw marks on Jon’s cheeks I found mainly among Vikings. Because these all are an amalgamation of different cultures, we did them as face paint instead of tattoos because it seemed disrespectful otherwise. Not enough research went into it to be a proper representation of any one culture so paint was a better bet than a permanent body modification that is sacred to a number of cultures. The only thing that was meant to be a tattoo was the chin tattoo, which like I said, actually is from an amalgamation of cultures. Among the Freefolk (in this AU), dots on the cheeks are widespread, one of cultural mainstays of their people, and are generally a sign of peace, whereas the claws are meant to look intimidating and is applied to look like blood (Ygritte applies it for Jon) and is specifically used for military leaders. I really wanted to drive home the point that the goal with Jon’s whole look is to look fearsome.

I have so much more to say about Jon as King Beyond the Wall, how he negotiates with the Wall, the different rules he sets in place, how he sets up being King as a hereditary title once his daughter Bael is born, etc etc, but then I’d be here all day and approximately one person total read through all this. Oops! Ask in my inbox if you have any questions because I would love love love to answer them. All in all, shripscapi (Liesl) is so talented and she worked incredibly hard for me. She was extremely accommodating and changed as much stuff as I wanted. She never complained about the million times I decided something was not quite right and she sent me so many updates. I would recommend working with her to just about anybody. It was very cool what she was able to achieve and I got it in time for the holidays so I can enjoy my winter themed pfp on twt. So thank you from the bottom of my heart Liesl, and I hope everyone showers her with compliments because she deserves it. I also hope that people that don’t enjoy Ygritte very much can still appreciate the art and the concept of Jon as King Beyond the Wall. Hopefully I’ve gotten across how much I love and care for these characters to a chronically online degree and nobody accuses me of mischaracterizing them because that would make me!!!! very sad!!!

Bonus Jon with weirwood leaves:

[demonkinguwu]

The Three Subcon Bosses [My fanon version lol]

The trickster shadow, the wrathful queen, and the disappearing moon

Lore Below <3

Snatcher: Once was a kind lonely prince whose only talent was painting, often overlooked and ignored due to this. He fell in love with Vanessa quickly as she was the only one who understood the loneliness of his paintings. The two married after a year of courtship, but the prince worked hard to learn to rule by her side, even going to law school. Unfortunately, he ignored the terrible treatment by his frantic wife for fear of true loneliness until it was too late...

Now the kind prince turned into a terrible and manipulative shadow, using robbed souls and his smarts to grow as powerful as he is, growing to be the sole ruler of the Subcon Forest. He prefers to be in control and over-possessive of everything he deems 'his', including the terrible wife who killed him painfully. He despises her but deep down knows she's the only person who will ever truly care for him even as a monster so she gets to stay as his pathetic little toy <3

However, he can't help but enjoy the very small snippets of moments between them that remind him of a better time when they were young and naive. He can't help but smile as the princess Vanessa was once shines through that red mass of anger, oh how he wishes to rip open the beast and find his princess within it, safe and innocent as she used to be

Vanessa: She was once a kind and sweet princess filled with so much loneliness especially since her father ran away. On a visit to a foreign kingdom, she was immersed in the large gallery of paintings depicting how she felt perfectly, lonely. She soon fell for the painter, a kind but mischievous prince who was just as lonely as she was. But her horrible mother was jealous of her daughter's happiness and poisoned her heart and mind with her evil words, reminding the princess of her father who ran away. The princess' desperate thoughts turned dark and possessive, wanting the prince all to herself, even getting rid of her mother who she thought wanted her prince. The now Queen was more desperate, her heart and mind growing darker and bitter with each day that passed without her beloved... Soon it would all explode, taking every soul within Subcon with her.

After a few years of mindless wrath and pain, she 'cooled down'. Finally gaining sense and guilt, but since no one wished to accept her apologies, she learned not to care over such matters anymore. Her heart grew bitter, cold, and uncaring of much but the evil monster her beloved became. His very existence enrages her, reminding her that her kind sweet prince is gone and all she has is this thing, this terrible and evil shadow who took everything from her. But even so, she can never get rid of him, for he is the only one who will 'care' for her, who could relieve her of her loneliness even if his actions are cruel and taunting. She doesn't want to be truly alone, but he is the only one she can truly trust, so he is the only intruder who will remain safe from her terrible wrath even if she hates him so. Though she knows her prince is gone, she relishes the small brief moments she could see a flicker of him through the monster's wicked being. Oh, how she wishes she could grab her prince in that brief second and never let him go.

Moonjumper: He was once a naive but adventurous lad, a time traveler who shone bright with the moon. Crashing into the strange planet, he met a cold princess whose heart was as cold as ice. He felt understood as he didn't understand what love was either, so he decided to stay with the princess and become her king to find out what love was. They soon had a princess who they named Vanessa. The king loved his daughter very much but didn't love his title or his wife, for he was a being of freedom. Without confronting his wife, he planned to take Vanessa and escape, but he left her behind once his wife figured out his plot. His wife, who grew to love him, was heartbroken and distraught over his betrayal, and so she cursed him with her magic to death, over and over again.

The man became a distorted time rift, cold and alone, wanting nothing more than to find someone to stay with him in his lonely horizon, especially his little princess.

Hundreds of years have passed, and he watches on with great pain as the sweet girl his daughter was once turned into a monster. All thanks to the monster who took over Subcon with that disgusting smirk, he made his daughter the monster she is! And she was no better! Being easily influenced by that monster and turning into a monster herself, they were both horrible beasts! Both were responsible for taking away his little princess! Once he has the chance, he'll get rid of them both! But since he is much weaker and scared of them, he'll abide his time until he can finally avenge his sweet daughter. For now, he searches for someone he could keep in his lonely prison, someone who he can raise to be just as perfect as his little princess...

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Hiii! I was wondering if I could have a Emperor Caracalla x reader where because of his disease he doesn't recognise her for a moment when they're about to make love and she has to calm him down

I am here and no one else

Emperor Caracalla x wife!reader

warning : hurt/comfort, kissing, choking and using knife, cuddling, crying

Summary : They had been together many times, they saw and felt each other. It reassured her that he was aware of her, that Caracalla was not lost in madness, but on the night of the full moon when they were in bed together, madness crept into his mind and next to him was no longer the woman he loved and had married.

info : Thank you very much for the request dear anon it is a pleasure to get another request for Caracalla, enjoy reading :)

masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His blue eyes had been so clear a few years ago, when the sun was above them and the people had cheered them both and his smile was sincere and honest.

The wedding of the emperor Caracalla and his wife the sun roms was cheered and no shadow had settled over the imperial family, it was a dream, a beautiful dream that seemed so far away when she looked at her beloved husband now.

His eyes clouded with madness, bloodied when he saw the battles in the colloseum and his temper erratic, she loved him, loved him through it all but with each passing day she feared for him, for his brother and herself. Because if madness prevailed, Caracalla himself would not stop at her and Geta, they were sure of that.

The whole day, however, he seemed like a miracle, but clear from breakfast he remembered what appointments were coming up today, ,,The ring is especially flattering to my sun” he had wooed her at noon on the way to the Senate.

Even in that he not only supported his brother but also ignored the lies of the senators, he seemed to clearly recognize what Geta was pursuing and stood up for his values. It was moments that brought tears to her eyes as she seemed to wander back into the past dream.

A ring he had bought her, it was small things, but it was these small moments that gave her and Geta hope that things would get better, even in the coliseum Caracalla remained relatively calm.

,,The credit goes to the victor!” he extended a rare moment of grace when even Geta would have decided otherwise and she saw in the older man's gaze that he was proud of his brother.

The day had been blessed by the gods it seemed from the moment the sun rose until now but such protection can be deceiving.

After dinner the three of them planned to keep to themselves, but keeping to themselves ended in togetherness for Caracala and her.

Kisses exchanged in the hallway, hands holding each other and clothes removed, ,,Such beauty,” he said, searching her lips a second time as they both changed from their tunics into those for the night.

Naked skin disappeared under silken fabric, gazes resting on each other, bright eyes looking at their bodies and seeing only pure beauty, ,,You are so beautiful,” he heard a giggle as she turned in her clothes and came towards him in another kiss that led them to the bed.

Soft fur and pillows caught her and she ran them through blonde curls, she loved him, loved his art, his laugh and giggle, his pretty eyes and golden curls, ,,You're more beautiful” she murmured and tapped the tip of his nose as they both let go of each other for a moment.

Reaching to the side table next to the table wine had been provided and grapes he held the goblet out to her and she placed the grape to his lips, it was a quiet moment, a moment between adults, a moment that was not possible in his madness, ,,Your flattery is both amusing and sweetening” he said eating the grape and savoring the sweetness on his tongue.

She put the goblet aside after a sip and ran her hands over his pale torso, the small scars and inconsistencies of his illness were not ugly to her.

She smiled at his words, circling his skin as he leaned over her, his lips searching her face, but in the darkened room where the torches provided light, his eyes saw the wine on her lips.

Dark...dark red...blood red.

A color that made him pause kisses that he continued to return but his fingers that touched her, from her neck where he heard her pulse to her soft breast became more and more strange.

Stranger and stranger with each blink her appearance became more distant, with each kiss she smelled and tasted less like his wife and he caught the scent of her blood.

Blood like at a birth, blood that no longer threatened to flow through him and blood of a madness that he had to stop in her, ,,You-you're not her!” he cried out, interrupting the kiss and his fingers wrapped around her neck, fingernails clawing into her skin and her eyes opened in shock.

Air that was drastically and quickly no longer inflicted on her his name came broken from her lips, her hands clutching at his wrist trying to gently reassure him at first.

,,It's me...it's your wife” she rattled fluttering eyes trying to find his gaze, to find her husband. Instead, he only squeezed harder, seeming neither to hear nor recognize her...and in that moment she realized that her nightmare that his madness would kill her had come true.

Her legs kicked, trying to throw him off her, but there was a power in him that she didn't know he had, a power that made her slowly see black spots.

Fear and adrenaline flowed through her body, ,,Cara-Caracalla” she gasped trying unsuccessfully to calm him, she looked around the flash of the knife caught her eye, tears ran down her eyes as he pushed her harder into the pillows the giggles were replaced by screams as she cut his arm with the knife.

Her fingers just managed to grab it, she would never have wanted to hurt him but if blood was what made him run away, maybe it was blood that brought him back.

His scream continued to echo through the chamber as he held his arm away from her as if he had been burned and she took a deep coughing breath, tears streaming from her eyes.

Caracalla rolled off the bed screaming and crying as he hit the floor and pressed himself against the wall as his gaze lifted and he began to scream again, ,,I'm sorry-I'm sorry-I'm sorry...what have I done!” he said over and over again as the sticky blood ran down his arm, staining it and he realized when he saw the desaturated state she was in.

Coughing and struggling to get air back into her lungs, she slowly got up from the bed, swaying, her voice failing as she tried to speak and coughing a gesture that only made him cry more.

She came slowly towards him, he pushed himself further away from her, ,,Stupid, a monster...a delusional one" he reproached himself as his face settled in his hands and she hugged him, holding him trembling as she slowly began to breathe regularly again, stroking his head.

She shook her head and took a piece of her robe to wipe the blood off his arm, ,,Not-it's not your fault. I'm alive you see I'm alive my king” she replied and clasped his hands, forcing him to look at her as she kissed his hands and looked at his reddish neck and saw his face, his hideous work.

Before he could cry again, she pressed him to her, kissed his forehead and his fingers clutched at her body, ,,You're still alive?” he asked the question so obviously that she laughed and nodded, ,,Yes! Yes, it's me here,” she said, putting his hand on her chest, his hand feeling her heartbeat, and he breathed shakily.

His smile just as pleased as hers as he engaged her in a kiss, holding onto her and the other way around as the two of them sat there on the floor bloody kissing, reassuring each other that they were still alive.

As he held her hand he told her, ,,Never again...I will never lose control like this again” he promised her, tapping the tip of her nose as she had gestured as the imperial couple remained sitting there holding and loving each other.

That despite the strangulation marks on her body and the blood on his, they loved each other no less than before and no madness would change such love and care.

They were bound by blood and love and they would be until the end of madness if they loved each other forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@potatoesenpaii , @cottoncandiescupcakes , @k-yurieee , @sigiismunda , @somepallings , @naysha140 , @abundance-of-fic-reblogs

[apoemaday]

Wildly Constant

by Anne Carson

Sky before dawn is blackish green. Perhaps a sign. I should learn more about signs.

Turning a corner to the harbour the wind hits me a punch in the face.

I always walk in the morning, I don’t know why anymore. Life is short.

My shadow goes before me. With its hood up it looks like a foghorn.

Ice on the road. Ice on the sidewalk. Nowhere to step.

It’s better to step where the little black stones are. Not so slippery.

I guess the little black stones could be lava. Or do I exoticise.

A man hurries past with a small dog. No one says Hello.

A pink schoolgirl passes. Looks in my face. No one says Hello.

Who would expect to see a walking foghorn out so early.

Wind pushes more. I push back. Almost home.

Why did I come here. New wind every day. Life is for pushing back.

Now it is dawn. A gold eyelid opens over the harbour.

People who live here learn not to complain about the wind.

I go inside and make tea. Eat bran flakes. Read three pages of Proust.

Proust is complaining (it is 1914) about the verb savoir as used by journalists.

He says they use it not as a sign of the future but as a sign of their desires –

sign of what they want the future to be. What’s wrong with that? I think. I should learn more about signs.

The first thing I saw the first morning I went out for a walk in Stykkishólmur was a crow

as big as a chair. What’s that chair doing on top of that house? I thought then it flapped away.

A crow that big is called a raven. Corvus corax in Linnaeus’s binomial system. Each one makes a sound

like a whole townful of ravens in the country I come from. Three adjectives that recur

in the literature on ravens are omnivorous. Pernicious.

Monogamous. I’m interested in monogamous. I got married last May

and had my honeymoon in Stykkishólmur. This year I returned to Stykkishólmur to live with my husband

for three months in one small room. This extreme monogamy proved almost too much for us.

Rather than murder each other we rented a second place (Greta’s house)

near the pool. Now we are happily duogamous.

There are ravens on the roof of both places. Perhaps they are the same ravens.

I can’t tell. If Roni Horn were here she’d say ravens

are like water, they are wildly constant. They are a sign of Iceland.

I should learn more about signs. I came to Stykkishólmur to live in a library.

The library contains not books but glaciers. The glaciers are upright.

Silent. As perfectly ordered as books would be. But they are melted.

What would it be like to live in a library of melted books.

With sentences streaming over the floor and all the punctuation settled to the bottom as a residue.

It would be confusing. Unforgivable. A great adventure.

Roni Horn once told me that one of the Antarctic explorers said To be having an adventure

is a sign of incompetence. When I am feeling at my most incompetent

as I do in Stykkishólmur many a dark morning walking into the wind,

I try to conjure in mind something that is the opposite of incompetence. For example the egg.

This perfect form. Perfect content. Perfect food.

In your dreams said a more recent explorer (Anna Freud) you can have your eggs cooked as perfectly as you want

but you cannot eat them. Sometimes at night when I can’t sleep

because of the wind I go and stand in the library of glaciers.

I stand in another world. Not the past not the future. Not paradise not reality not

a dream. An other competence, Wild and constant.

Who knows why it exists. I stand amid glaciers. Listen to the wind outside

falling towards me from the outer edges of night and space. I have no theory of why we are here

or what any of us is a sign of. But a room of melted glaciers rocking in the nightwind of Stykkishólmur

is a good place to ponder it. Each glacier is lit from underneath as memory is.

Proust says memory is of two kinds. There is the daily struggle to recall where we put our reading glasses

and there is a deeper gust of longing that comes up from the bottom of the heart

involuntarily. At sudden times. For surprise reasons.

Here is an excerpt from a letter Proust wrote in 1913: We think we no longer love our dead

but that is because we do not remember them: suddenly we catch sight of an old glove

and burst into tears. Before leaving the library I turn off the lights.

The glaciers go dark. Then I return to Greta’s house. Wake up my husband.

Ask him to make us some eggs.

[extinctlesspains]

𝑁𝑜𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝐸𝑙𝑠𝑒 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑀𝑒: 𝑌𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑒!𝐾𝑤𝑜𝑛 𝐽𝑎𝑒-𝑆𝑢𝑛𝑔

𝐵𝑦 𝑒𝑥𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑡𝑙𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑠

»»——⍟——««

»»——⍟——««

𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: 𝑌𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑒! 𝐾𝑤𝑜𝑛 𝐽𝑎𝑒-𝑆𝑢𝑛𝑔 𝑥 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: 𝑦𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑒, ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑜𝑟, 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑠𝑡?

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: 𝐼𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑐𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝐾𝑤𝑜𝑛, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑖𝑚, 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔. 𝑂𝑛𝑒 𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑐𝑡 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟. 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑏𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑜𝑟 𝑏𝑎𝑑, 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑎𝑠𝑒. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑎𝑑𝑒 𝑎 𝑏𝑜𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑎𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢.

𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠: 𝑜𝑏𝑠𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛!, 𝑓𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑌/𝑛

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

The sun set over the Sekai Taikai training grounds, the soft glow of twilight settling over the building. You walked through the doors, unaware of the shadow that followed your every move—Kwon Jae-sung. He leaned against the wall, his eyes never leaving you. To the world, he was just another competitor, intense and focused. But inside, a storm brewed, an obsession that grew with each passing day.

You were the only person who had shown him kindness when he first arrived. One smile, one gesture of friendship, and something inside him snapped. He needed yoy. No one else could have you.

"Hey, Y/n!" one of the other students called, jogging over to you. Kwon's eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched. He watched as they spoke, their laughter like nails on a chalkboard.

No one else deserves to be near you.

Hours later, the student who had dared to approach You would find himself mysteriously injured during training—a "sparring accident," Kwon would say, his face expressionless.

You began to notice things. The way your friends seemed to avoid you after getting hurt, the lingering gaze you felt but couldn’t pinpoint.

One night, you stayed late, practicing alone. As you finished, you turned and found Kwon standing in the shadows, watching.

"You're... always around," you said, your voice hesitant.

He stepped closer, his eyes intense. "I’m protecting you."

"From what?" You asked, a shiver running down your spine.

His smile was small, chilling. "From everyone who doesn't deserve you."

The tournament felt colder that night, the silence stretching between you like an invisible thread. Your heart raced, and you forced a smile, hoping to mask the unease growing inside you.

"Kwon... I don't need protection," you said cautiously, backing slightly toward the training mats. "No one's trying to hurt me."

Kwon's gaze darkened, his jaw twitching. "You don’t see it," he murmured, stepping closer, his voice barely above a whisper. "They hover around you like vultures. They don’t understand you the way I do."

Your breath hitched. "We’re... friends, Kwon. That's all."

Something flickered in his eyes—a dangerous spark. "Friends?" he echoed, his voice laced with something almost venomous. "They don’t know what friendship means. They don’t know what loyalty is."

Before you could respond, a noise echoed from the hallway—another student, probably heading out for the night. Kwon’s head snapped toward the sound, eyes narrowing. You saw a flicker of something terrifying: anger, possession... a promise of violence.

"I should go," you said, edging toward the exit.

Kwon’s hand shot out, grabbing your wrist—gentle but firm. "Don’t," he whispered, eyes softening. "I didn’t mean to scare you."

Your pulse pounded under his grip. Slowly, he released you, his expression unreadable.

"Goodnight, Kwon," you said softly, your voice trembling.

You left quickly, the air outside feeling lighter, safer. But the shadows seemed to follow you back to the hotel. Unseen, unnoticed, Kwon trailed you from a distance, eyes fixed on your silhouette, thoughts racing.

.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・

The tournament buzz filled the stadium, tension thick in the air. Competitors sparred, instructors barked orders, and the sounds of fists striking pads echoed off the walls. You trained harder than ever, pushing yourself, trying to shake the feeling of being watched.

Across the room, Kwon stood still, eyes locked on your every move. His hands clenched into fists, nails biting into his palms as he watched another student approach you—Kenji, one of the dojo’s best fighters.

Kenji grinned. "Need a partner?"

You nodded, grateful for the distraction. You fell into rhythm, moving through drills. Each strike, each block, felt like a small victory—until you noticed Kwon.

He stood at the edge of the mat, unmoving, eyes burning. Kenji didn’t seem to notice, but you felt the weight of that gaze, the unspoken threat.

A sudden misstep—a sweep kick from Kenji that sent you tumbling to the mat. He reached out a hand to help you up, and you took it, smiling sheepishly.

"Nice one," you muttered, brushing yourself off.

Kenji laughed, but the sound died abruptly. Kwon was there, stepping onto the mat, eyes locked on Kenji.

"Your form is sloppy," Kwon said coldly.

Kenji frowned. "I was just—"

"Let's spar," Kwon interrupted, his tone icy.

You opened your mouth to protest, but something in Kwon's eyes stopped you. The match began, and it was clear from the start—this wasn’t a sparring match. It was a punishment.

Every move Kwon made was calculated, brutal. Kenji’s defenses crumbled, each strike more forceful than the last. A final blow sent him sprawling, gasping for breath.

"Kwon!" Your voice cut through the tension.

He turned, eyes softening instantly. "He was careless. You could've been hurt."

Your hands shook. "You didn’t have to—"

"He doesn’t deserve to be near you," he said, voice low. "No one does."

Ypu stared at him, fear settling deep in your bones. "You’re wrong," you whispered. "You’re not protecting me. You’re... scaring me."

For a moment, something like pain crossed his face. "I can’t lose you," he said, almost to himself. "Not to them. Not to anyone."

He turned and walked away, leaving you standing in the middle of the mat, surrounded by the echoes of violence.

.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・

That Night, you couldn’t sleep. Every shadow seemed to hide something, every creak of the floorboards made you jump. You checked the locks on your hotel door,and the windows.

A knock at the door.

You froze.

Slowly, you approached it, heart pounding. "Who is it?"

Silence. Then—"It’s me."

Kwon’s voice, soft but insistent.

"I just want to talk," he said, his tone almost pleading. "Please."

You backed away from the door. "Go back to your room, it's safer there, Kwon."

A pause. "You are my safe place."

The words sent a shiver down your spine. Footsteps retreated, and you sank to the floor, trying to calm your racing heart.

Outside, Kwon stood under the dim hallway hotel lights, eyes fixed on your door. No one else deserves you, he thought. No one else will have you.

[multi-fandom-imagines8]

A Song of Ice & Shadow

Part 13

You can read previous chapters here.

Summary: As Y/n spirals out of control, Feyre steps in, forcing a change that leaves the sisters at odds.

Warnings: substance abuse, mention of death, trauma, angst.

WC: 4 K.

A knock sounded on Y/n’s door. Then another, and another, insistent, until she finally opened it. She was high as hell on some new drug when she saw Azriel standing in the hallway. Squinting, she rubbed her eyes. 

“Am I hallucinating, or are you really here?” Her voice was languid, tinged with disbelief.

Azriel’s eyes narrowed, scanning her face. “What the hell did you take?”

Y/n shrugged, swaying slightly. “What do you want? I think it’s too early in the morning. I just fell asleep. Come back another time.” She moved to close the door.

A groan sounded from her living room, low and slurred. Azriel’s brow furrowed as he glanced past her. “Who’s in there?” he demanded, his tone sharp.

“I don’t know,” she replied with a lazy shrug, her lips curling into a careless smile. “I don’t usually let anyone stay over. I guess whatever I took was good enough to make me forget.” She let out a giggle, her hand hovering over the door as she moved to shut it again. But before she could, Azriel’s foot slipped into the gap, holding the door open. His expression hardened as he stepped inside, casting a critical gaze around the dim room.  This was the first time he’d been here, though there wasn’t much to see.The sparse, cluttered apartment revealed little about her, save for the state of the coffee table, scattered with substances potent enough to kill with a single wrong dose. He wasn’t sure if she was lucky or if she hadn’t taken much, but judging by the state she was in, he guessed it was the former.

On her couch lay a male, barely conscious, his eyes glazed. But one piercing look from Azriel sent him scrambling out the door. Y/n pouted, throwing herself onto the couch where the male had been seconds earlier. 

“Aww, you scared the poor thing,” she murmured with a mock scold. 

Azriel’s jaw clenched. “What the hell is this, Y/n?” He gestured to the array of vials and powders on the table. A flicker of anger shadowed his eyes, tinged with something close to concern. She shrugged.

“Feyre wants you at the house,” he informed her, his voice taut.

“Which one? Doesn’t she, like, own a dozen?” she replied with an eye roll.

“The new one.”

She smirked, “And why send their lap dog? Couldn’t she have come herself?”

His gaze darkened. “Feyre is High Lady of the Night Court. She has more important things to do.”

“Since this is not important, she can come another day. When she’s not so busy. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need some sleep,” she muttered, closing her eyes and sinking back into the cushions.

“That’s not happening. I was specifically instructed to get you there by nine.”

She cracked one eye open, glancing at him with feigned irritation. “What time is it now?”

“Seven.”

“Then let me sleep for two hours, and then we can go.” She closed her eyes again.

Azriel folded his arms. “You need to look… presentable.”

“Fine. Whatever. Leave, and I’ll be ready by then,” she grumbled, rolling onto her side.

“The moment I leave, you’re going to fall asleep again.”

She huffed, opening her eyes fully to glare at him. “Fine. What will it take for you to stop talking?”

“You need to take a bath,” he replied, his voice still firm, ignoring her question.

Her lips curled into a smirk. “Well, I’m not doing that while you’re standing here.”

He sighed, his expression exasperated. “I’ll get you some food. Just be done when I get back.”

When he returned with breakfast, she was nowhere in sight. He assumed she was still in the bathing chamber and set the food on the small table before scanning her chaotic apartment. Fifteen minutes passed, and concern began to cloud his patience. He knocked on the bathing chamber door, once, twice, three times. There was no answer. Then he asked, his voice tinged with worry.  “Y/n, are you in there? I’m coming in.”

She finally spoke, her tone sharp. “Don’t you dare.”

He exhaled, relief barely masking his frustration. “Don’t scare me like that again.”

“Mother above, I was just relaxing,” came her indignant reply.

“Be out in five minutes,” he ordered.

Her laughter was faintly mocking. “I don’t take orders from you.”

Azriel’s patience thinned, his tone sharpening. He was done playing her little games “Let me make this clear: if you’re not out in five minutes, I will have to come in and get you.”

“You’re such a brute,” she muttered, but after a pause, he heard movement. 

She emerged a few moments later, dressed and looking marginally more awake. He handed her a cup of tea, his expression still neutral.

“Did you put poison in it?” she quipped, an eyebrow raised.

“If I wanted you dead, that wouldn’t be the way I’d go about it,” he replied dryly.

She chuckled, amused. “Oh? And how would you do it? Please, do tell.” 

Azriel’s eyes lingered on her, a brief flicker of something unreadable crossing his face. “You really don’t care, do you?”

“What’s there left to care about?” she replied, her voice hollow. “And if you say my sisters, I will electrocute you.”

“You still have your powers?” His question was calm, but his eyes searched hers intently.

Her gaze shifted, guarded. “That is none of your business.”

—

The riverfront house loomed before them, its elegant structure casting long shadows under the morning sun. Y/n gazed up at it with a flicker of disdain. She had been here only once before, when Feyre had shown her around during its construction. They even had a room made for her, not that she’d appreciate it.

The rooms had felt cold and empty then, even with her sister’s warmth. Now, they felt like a cage.

Azriel led her inside without a word, his pace brisk and purposeful. The scent of fresh wood and lavender filled the air, but it only heightened her unease. The inside was as pristine and lifeless as she remembered. Her gaze flicked over the walls adorned with portraits, smiling faces of people she knew. But there were none of her, none of Nesta, and none of their mother. She felt the absence like a sharp knife to her chest. 

Y/n loved her mother dearly. With her, she had been different—kind, caring. Everything a mother should be. At least, that’s how Y/n remembered her. She had been four and a half when her mother had Nesta, and even at a young age, Y/n could recall how happy her mother had been before marrying her sisters’ father. He hadn’t been horrible to her; on the contrary, he had given her a luxurious life and loved her deeply. But she did not love him. She had married him for stability, and for Y/n’s sake, and then she had his children.

Although her mother grew colder with time, Y/n never felt the brunt of it. She had been her favorite, her constant, and she knew from a young age that she was destined to grow into a stubborn woman. Her mother had believed Elain would marry for love—she looked like a doll, after all. She trained Nesta to marry a prince and mostly ignored Feyre. Y/n, however, was simply allowed to be. She had been spoiled, indulged, never told no.

She had enjoyed dressing up, but not the attention that came with it. Balls were tolerated, not loved. She would attend one or two with her mother, then leave the rest for Nesta. She even endured dancing and etiquette lessons with her sister but never stayed long enough for them to leave an impression. They just didn’t interest her. What did interest her was adventure—exploring new places, finding hidden corners of their world. She had done that with her childhood friend. But that was a story for another time.

The scent of lavender snapped her back to the present, clashing with the memories that swirled like smoke in her mind. Those fleeting moments of joy and comfort felt so distant now, their warmth overshadowed by the cold reality of the house she now stood in.

Azriel led her into the spacious sitting room, where Feyre, Rhys, Amren, and Cassian were gathered, their expressions expectant. 

Y/n leaned against the doorway, crossing her arms as a smirk tugged at her lips.

“So, this is what kept you too busy to fetch me yourself?” Her tone was cutting, her gaze flicking to Feyre.

Rhys bristled immediately. “She doesn’t have to answer to you,” he snapped.

Feyre rested a calming hand on his arm, but her gaze remained steady on her sister. “You look like hell. I heard you had a rough night.”

Y/n tilted her head, her smirk widening. “That’s none of your concern.”

“It is,” Amren interjected, her voice like steel. “When you spend exorbitant sums on substances and parties...You and your sister.” She shook her head, clearly disappointed.

Y/n scoffed, ignoring her, and flicked her gaze back to Feyre. “Why is she even here?” 

“We’re here to have a discussion with you,” Feyre said evenly.

Y/n raised an eyebrow, feigning interest. “We? I don’t want to discuss anything with you.”

“You will sit and listen,” Rhys ordered, his voice cold.

Her posture straightened, her smirk vanishing. “Do not tell me what to do. I don’t take orders from you.” Her words were sharp, deliberate, and the tension in the room rose several notches. 

Cassian exhaled heavily, muttering under his breath. “Mother above. You are just like your sister.” 

Y/n turned to glare at him, her voice dripping with venom, “You say that like it’s a bad thing. Yet here you are, panting after her like a stray dog.”

“That is enough,” Feyre said sharply, her authority cutting through the brewing argument, before Cassian could respond. She turned to look at Rhys and the others. “I told you to keep out of it. You can either leave or stay and keep your mouths shut.” Then she focused on her sister again. “Y/n, you need to make some changes.”

“Like hell I do,” Y/n shot back.

Feyre softened her tone, standing up and taking a step closer. “Listen, I know you’ve had it rough. I understand how you’re feeling-”

“You understand nothing about how I’m feeling,” Y/n interrupted, her voice rising.

“Then talk to me,” Feyre pleaded. “Tell me.”

“I’d rather drown myself,” Y/n spat, her eyes flashing with defiance.

Feyre’s expression hardened. “And that’s exactly why things are going to have to change. Starting now.”

“Oh?” Y/n arched a brow, her smirk icy. “You think you can do anything about it?” 

Feyre squared her shoulders, her voice steady. “The life you’ve been living the past year is over. You will move to the House of Wind and train with Cassian and Nesta in Windhaven.”

A snort escaped Y/n as she shook her head. “Is this a joke?”

“No,” Feyre said. “Elain is packing your things as we speak. You’ll move in after this meeting.”

“I’ll do no such thing.”

Amren’s sharp voice cut through. “This is not up for negotiation.”

Y/n’s eyes narrowed, her defiance unwavering. “And if I refuse?”

“You’ll either go to the House of Wind or back to the mortal lands, Amren replied coldly, offering her the same deal they had offered Nesta.

“That’s not an option,” Feyre clarified quickly, casting a warning glance at Amren. Apparently, they forgot to mention to Amren that Y/n is not like Nesta. When it came to her pride, Y/n’s was a fortress, unyielding and absolute; she would sooner die than  allow anyone to tear her down. And seeing as she had wanted to leave long before the war with Hybern, this wasn’t an option. If they thought the threat of the mortal lands would deter her, they were sorely mistaken- she’d choose them in a heartbeat, and Feyre knew that.

Y/n’s grin returned, but it was colder, crueler. “Interesting. It’s like you knew what I’d choose.” She turned her mocking gaze to Feyre. “I’m not going back to that house.”

Feyre faltered for a moment. “Well, you can’t go back to your apartment either. You’ve burned through all your money,” Amren interjected coolly.

“Amren-” Feyre warned, her tone low, but Y/n cut her off.

“That’s fine,” Y/n said with a careless shrug. “There are plenty of ways to make money.”

“Rhys offered you so many positions, and you turned down every single one,” Feyre reminded her, her voice tight with frustration.

“And I never will. I will not work for your mate,” Y/n replied with a sneer.

“You wouldn’t last a day,” Cassian muttered. “Rhys could have every employer in Velaris turn you away with a single word.”

Y/n’s sharp gaze shifted to him, looking him up and down like he was nothing, a dangerous smile tugging at her lips. “And you think that would be a problem for me?” 

“I know it wouldn’t,” Feyre interjected. “And I know you’d rather go back to the mortal lands than face any of us or your problems, which is why that is not an option.”

Y/n’s smirk twisted, colder now. “Well, I’ll just walk there then.”

“Again, not an option,” Feyre repeated.

“So, what? You’re going to drag me to the House of Wind against my will?” Y/n’s voice dripped with mockery., her arms crossing tighter over her chest.

“If that’s what it takes,” Rhys said, his tone calm but his jaw tight with restraint.

“Lo and behold,” Y/n clapped her hands slowly, her smirk sharp. “The people fighting for freedom and free will are the same people who want to lock me up. Magnificent. Could’ve fooled me with that act.”

“Y/n, you’re not well,” Feyre pressed, her voice soft . “We’re not keeping you a prisoner.”

Y/n let out a short, bitter laugh. “Coming from the girl who let her ex lock her up for months and stayed with him? I don’t think you understand the definition of being a prisoner.”

“Do not talk to your sister like that,” Rhys said, his voice lowering as he rose up from his seat and took a step forward, his tone darkening. 

“Oh, so you and your self-righteous clowns are allowed to say and do whatever you like, but when someone else gives you a taste of your own medicine, you can’t handle it?” Y/n’s sharp gaze darted between Rhys and Feyre, her words deliberate.

Feyre took a breath, trying to steady herself. “Y/n, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

“What did you think was going to happen?” Y/n shot back, her words biting. “You’d just tell me to move in with that brute and Nesta, that I’d have no say in the matter, and I’d just thank you for it?”

“I- I didn’t want it to come to this,” Feyre stammered, the weight of her words visible in her expression. “But with the amount of money you’ve spent on your nightly activities-”

“Oh! There it is.” Y/n cut her off, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. “You’re saying I owe you, aren’t you?”

Feyre flinched at the accusation but didn’t back down. She didn’t want to say that, but she knew  it was the only way Y/n would stay. If she felt like she owed someone a debt. So, she nodded.

“Because my life wasn’t enough for you. My help wasn’t enough?” Y/n’s said, her voice low, dripping with venom. “Fine, you got what you wanted. I’ll stay until my debt is paid.”

The silence that followed was heavy, every word reverberating in the space between them. Finally, Y/n’s tone dropped further, each word laced with ice. “I’d like a word with your High Lady. Alone.” This was the first time Y/n had called her sister that, the title a deliberate choice. The formality of it created a barrier, a cold, impersonal distance that made it clear just how far apart they had grown.

The others hesitated, exchanging glances, but eventually filed out of the room. Rhys lingered by the doorway, his dark gaze warning, before following the others into the hall. They stayed close to intervene, should things spiral out of control.

When it was just the two of them, Y/n spoke again. “Why the sudden care?”

“I’ve always cared, Y/n” Feyre reached out, her hand brushing her sister’s arm.

“Don’t touch me,” Y/n snapped, stepping back sharpy, her eyes blazing with something Feyre couldn’t quite name.

“Y/n, please. I’m your sister.”

“And you only remembered that now? Because I spent a little bit more than usual?” Y/n’s voice cracked slightly, but her expression remained hard.

“A little more than usual?” Feyre’s tone rose slightly, the tension breaking through. “Do you know how much money that was? How embarrassed I was when Rhys got the bill-”

“So that’s what this is about?” Y/n interrupted. “I embarrassed you in front of your new family?... I think you stopped caring about us the moment you became High Fae.”

“You think I stopped caring about you?” Feyre’s voice trembled, and for a moment, the hurt in her eyes was almost too much to bear. “If I did, would I allow you to stay here, disrespect everyone, spend our money recklessly, and destroy yourself?”

“We are here because of you!” Y/n shouted, the words spilling out in anger. “Sometimes, I wonder what our lives would’ve been like if you had stayed dead.” The words left her mouth faster than she could stop them. So cold, and sharper than any blade. It was the last thing she wanted to say to her sister, but now it hung in the air, irreversible. Feyre’s face crumpled, the weight of the statement hitting her like a blow. 

“Oh,” Feyre whispered, her voice barely audible. “I guess we’ll never know.” 

Y/n turned her gaze away, her expression unreadable, but her hands trembled slightly at her sides. “Once the debt is paid,” she said quietly, her voice devoid of emotion. “I want to leave. And I never want to see you again.” 

Feyre blinked, struggling to hold back tears. “Y/n, please-”

“No,” Y/n cut her off, her tone final. “We’re done.”

Y/n had perfected this- pushing away anyone who dared to show they cared about her. With those chilling words, she turned on her heel, striding to the door. She yanked it open and stepped into the hall, where the others stood waiting. Azriel’s heart ached at the sight of her in this state. He had stayed silent through it all, unable to find the right words or intervene in the confrontation. When she stepped out of the room, he couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes. Instead, he kept his gaze fixed on the floor, the weight of his silence pressing heavily on him.

To Cassian’s surprise, Y/n didn’t say anything when he flew her to the house. The flight was quiet, the only sound the rhythmic beat of his wings and the rush of the wind. She stared right ahead, her posture tense but her face carefully blank.

They made sure to place Nesta and Y/n on two separate floors, seeing as they weren’t on speaking terms. No one knew why, and they didn’t dare ask. Feyre hoped they’d at least train together, but Y/n made it clear that she doesn’t wish to be in the same room as her sister. 

When they landed, Cassian let her step down before speaking. “You still have your Illyrian leathers from the war? You’ll need them tomorrow,” he asked, his tone carefully neutral.

“I’m never wearing that thing again,” Y/n replied, her tone icy.

“It’s going to be cold. You’ll need them.” He hesitated, clearly choosing his words carefully.

“You’ll be on your own floor. Nesta has settled in her old room. Mine is a level above, and Az’s is just down the hall from me,” Cassian informed her, his tone soft and cautious, despite the tension between them.

Y/n glanced around the sprawling House, her expression still unreadable. “He’ll stay here with us?” she asked flatly, her gaze flicking to the horizon.

“When he’s in Velaris, yes,” he replied, watching her closely. “Don’t worry, though. You won’t see him much.”

“Good.” Her voice was clipped, her eyes fixed on the mountains in the distance. But beneath her detached tone, a storm churned. The mention of Azriel, his proximity stirred emotions she couldn’t quite place, ones she had long since tried to bury. She had told herself it didn’t matter, that his presence or absence had no bearing on her. And yet, the idea of him being just down the hall brought with it an uneasy tension, one she refused to examine too closely.

Her gaze remained fixed on the distant peaks as though they could steady her. She couldn’t let her thoughts stray, couldn’t afford to acknowledge the flicker of something unfamiliar threading through her otherwise rigid defenses. It was nothing, she told herself firmly, Just an echo of some old familiarity. Nothing more.

Cassian tilted his head slightly, studying her before hesitantly asking. “Did something happen between you and Az?” 

Her head snapped toward him. “No. Why would you think that?” she replied dryly, her posture stiffening.

“It’s just… before the war, you two seemed to get closer and now-”

“Your observation is wrong,” she interrupted, her voice flat and dismissive. “There was nothing to begin with.”

“Whatever you say.” Cassian raised his hands slightly, signaling he wouldn’t push further. “You should eat something. You’ll need all the energy you can get for training tomorrow.”

“I’m not training with you. Especially not at that horrible place.”

Cassian’s brows furrowed, irritation flashing across his face. “Don’t you have a debt to repay?”

“I’d rather see that place burned to the ground than train there,” she snapped.

“You sound like Az,” Cassian muttered under his breath, shaking his head as he turned away.

—

That night was a horrible one for Y/n. She had nothing to dull the pain, to quiet the voices in her head, and mostly, to stop the nightmares. She screamed her father’s name in her sleep as she watched his death replay over and over again in her mind. 

Azriel had just returned from wherever he had been, and the sound of her screaming pulled him toward her room like a magnet. He stopped just outside her door, hesitating. He knew she didn’t want him there, or around, she had made that clear. She didn’t want his help, didn't want his presence, didn’t want anything to do with him since the war. But the sound of her suffering clawed at him, each scream like a blade twisting in his chest, a cruel reminder of how powerless he felt to reach her.

He debated whether to go in and wake her or just stand there and wait for the nightmare to pass. As another anguished cry shattered the silence, he decided to go with the former as he couldn’t just stand by and listen. He reached for the door, his resolve firm, until his shadows whispered, informing him that she had just woken up. 

His hand froze, hovering over the handle. Relief flooded him, but so did disappointment. He stood there, torn. He wanted to hold her, help her, tell her it would be okay, to be the comfort she wouldn’t let herself have. But he knew better. She would never let him in, not in that way- not now, not ever.

Inside, Y/n sat upright in the bed, her breathing ragged. She pressed her hands to her face, trying to block out the lingering images of her father’s death. The nightmares had been worse than usual, sharper, more vivid, without anything to dull the edges. She clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms as she tried to steady herself.

Azriel lingered outside her door for a moment longer, his shadows brushing against the wood like a quiet offering of solace. When the silence in her room stretched, he finally turned and walked away, his footsteps silent as he made his way to his own quarters.

Tags: : @st4r-girl-official @judig92 @5onedirection5 @nayaniasworld @blackgirlmagicforever @stained-glass-eyes0708 @slytherintaco @aehllita @nebarious  @t0uch-starved-h0e @bravo-delta-eccho  @sylvermoon @going-through-shit @latinxbipride @i-am-infinite @azrielrot @fuckingsimp4azriel @theravenphoenix26 @hanatsuki-hime @fantanbietsson @rcarbo1 @weasleymagic @secretsicanthideanymore @spymaster03 @elaselat @minnieoo

[steam-beasts]

This is not my body - short story

- Thomas -

Thomas never asked for this. He never wanted this. The day he got infected by that damn coal, he just wanted it to be a normal illness

Dear Lady above, why did it have to be like this??

As he rested in the Ffarqhuarr sheds, in his humanoid form, he curled up tighter and whimpered. He didn't blame the controller for this, he couldn't ever have known. He didn't blame Lady for this. He didn't really blame anyone for this. But he sometimes just hated it in secret. As he dug his nails into his biceps, still to this day, it felt unfamiliar.

No matter what, he was still a locomotive. A sentient machine, way down inside. But lingering, way down inside, this didn't feel like his body.

- Edward -

Edward was fine with this body.

He didn't mind it, really. When he first got it, he was admittedly quite stressed out about it. The itchy fur, the heavy cumbersome limbs. It was a nightmare. He had seen a lot of things through the years; engines being sent for scrap heap, intense, almost fatal crashes, and having to watch as humans he knew grow old and weak, and he would always outlive them.

It was mostly quite sad. But Edward learned to get over it. He had been humbled through his years, gaining wisdom and passing it down to the younger engines. He was always calm about it, calm and collected.

But the infection did something to him. Not just mentally, but physically.

Instead of sky blue wheels that rolled along the rails, he had thundering, monsterous paws. Claws that can tear through flesh with utter ease, and sharp teeth that can sink into prey. He, like the others, couldn't control himself.

He hurt people. Killed people. Ate people. Was he calm and collected after that? No. Admittedly, the fact he did and can do such things, the bloodlust, it made him a little bit looney. Edward found himself more pulled towards the horror genres. An effect of being a blood-hungry beast, the old engine had to guess. Edward was a machine deep inside. A product of Lady and mankind. Even with these new feelings, that's what he'd always be, no matter how much this damned curse warped his body.

Did he hate it? No.

...he just didn't like it.

- James -

James stared in the small window. He admired himself, with horror, fascination and a bit of sadness. He looked splendid! As splendid as ever! His fur was fluffy and perfect, his claws were lovely, perfectly sharpened and red. He was splendid...he HAD to be. Right?

It took a lot of work to get here: he had to get painfully sick and puke his boiler pipes out nearly every night, then came the horrid, agonising sensation of his chassis peeling off. Beautiful, beautiful red blood smothered the place around him. Yes, he was screaming to the high heavens, screaming his breath away as the rails were painted in many shades of red. But it was of happiness, totally happiness. He was even more amazing than ever.

At first, he absolutely hated it, when he came to his senses after a while, he would rip out the grey fur that covered most his body. He'd whine, he'd hurt himself, he'd cry and sob. He felt like a giant, ugly rat, parading as a steam engine. As he sat there, staring into the window, his eye shadow was running. He didn't even notice he was silently crying. He was splendid. He was a splendid engine.

But deep down inside, he knew he was a freak. He grew more obsessed with his looks, in order to not be seen as a freak, James would pamper himself, make himself as splendid as possible.

James wanted to love it. But way down inside...he hated it.

[idkyetxoxo]

Nine | Enchanted | Aemond Targaryen

Word count - 3315

Warnings - None

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The next morning greeted me with a dull ache in my head and the sensation of fabric clinging awkwardly to my skin. 

I blinked awake, realizing I was still in the dress from the night before, hair a tangled mess, but at least I had made it to my own bed. 

As I rubbed my temples, groaning at the fragments of memories swirling in my mind, the sound of bustling footsteps filled the room, my handmaidens already moving with their usual efficiency.

"Did you have fun last night, Princess?" Adryana chirped, far too cheerful for the state I was in as she threw open the curtains. 

Sunlight spilt in like a tidal wave, flooding the room in blinding brightness.

I winced, throwing an arm over my eyes. "Not so loud," I mumbled, but my complaint only earned laughter from her and the others. 

Despite my groaning protests, they set to work, easing me into a cool bath, scrubbing away the remnants of the night. The water was refreshing, reviving me bit by bit, washing away the exhaustion and too much wine.

By the time I was dressed and ready, Alaric was already at my side, shadowing me like always as I made my way downstairs for breakfast.

The dining hall greeted me with the sight of my father sitting at the table, a knowing smirk tugging at the corners of his lips, and Nymor slouched miserably beside him, his head buried in his hands. 

Clearly, I wasn't the only one suffering from the effects of the night.

I planted a quick kiss on my father's cheek and ruffled Nymor's hair as I passed, settling into my seat with a sigh.

"How was the celebration, my love?" my father asked, eyes gleaming with curiosity as I gratefully reached for the cool water in front of me, letting it soothe my parched throat.

"It was wonderful," I replied with a small smile. "More beautiful than any year before."

My father nodded, clearly pleased, but I couldn't resist teasing Nymor. 

"I barely saw you all night," I quipped, raising an eyebrow at him, knowing full well he'd been lost somewhere in the wine and revelry.

Nymor lifted his head just enough to glare at me through bleary eyes. "Maybe that's because you only had eyes for that Targaryen prince," he muttered, his voice thick with irritation.

The playful atmosphere shifted instantly. His words struck a nerve, my smile fading as a pang of guilt tugged at my chest.

I glanced at my father, who was now watching me with a cautious expression. He opened his mouth to speak, but I silenced him with a sharp look. 

"Don't," I warned quietly, unwilling to turn this into a discussion. Thankfully, he seemed to understand and closed his mouth again.

Nymor, however, wasn't so easily deterred. He pushed his chair back with a loud scrape, standing abruptly, casting me one last pointed look before storming out of the hall.

"Nymor!" I called after him, but he was already gone. 

Frustration bubbled up inside me as I ran a hand through my freshly brushed hair, my pulse quickening with the need to fix this. I couldn't let things end like that between us.

Without another thought, I stood and quickly followed him, determined to make things right.

It didn't take long to find myself outside his chambers, pounding on the heavy wooden door. "Nymor, open up!" I demanded, my patience wearing thin. 

When there was no response, I leaned my forehead against the door, sighing. "Don't make me get Alaric to break it down."

A pause. Then, a faint click of the lock.

I slipped inside to find him sitting on the edge of his bed, his expression guarded and closed off.

I sat down beside him, the bed dipping slightly under my weight. "Are you upset with me?" I asked, keeping my voice soft, almost tentative.

Nymor didn't answer right away. He leaned back on his hands, staring at the floor. His voice was quiet when he finally spoke. 

"You swore you'd never even speak to a Targaryen, let alone fall for one." His tone was filled with disbelief, as though he couldn't reconcile the girl who once spat their name with the one sitting beside him now.

I sighed, the weight of my own confusion pressing down on me. "Nymor, he's not like the others," I said softly, knowing how empty the words must sound to him.

He scoffed, shaking his head. "What is this then? Do you love him?" The question was sharp, cutting like he couldn't believe it might be true.

My heart stilled. Love? The word hung between us, heavy, charged. I hesitated, the truth trembling on the edge of my lips. And then, quietly, almost to myself, I whispered, "I think so."

The room seemed to freeze. Nymor's head snapped toward me, shock etched into every line of his face. He hadn't expected me to say it, maybe hadn't even expected me to realize it. 

And yet, here it was, a confession, unbidden and undeniable.

I felt my pulse quicken, my hand reaching out to entwine my fingers with his. 

"I can't help how I feel," I murmured, my voice trembling slightly. "I've tried to forget him, but no matter where I am or what I'm doing, he's always there. In my thoughts, in my heart..."

Nymor's fingers tightened around mine, the war between loyalty and betrayal playing out clearly in his eyes. He was silent for a long moment before his shoulders sagged, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"I'm going to miss you." There was no anger now, just a quiet, vulnerable truth.

My throat tightened at his words. "I'm going to miss you more," I admitted, feeling the bittersweet sting of what this meant for us—for the bond we'd always shared. 

We had been inseparable for as long as I could remember, and the thought of not having him by my side every day felt like losing a part of myself.

I reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder, trying to offer some comfort, though the ache in my chest told me it was futile. "But I'll come back. I promise, Nymor. I won't let too much time pass between us. You know that, right?"

He tried to smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "You better. The castle's going to feel empty without you."

I laughed softly, though there was a bittersweetness lacing my voice. "You'll manage. Besides, you've got Yoren and Meric to keep you company."

He snorted, shaking his head. "As if they could ever replace you."

With that, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a fierce embrace. For a moment, he hesitated, then hugged me back tightly, the way he always had—protective, strong. 

We clung to each other, both of us knowing that this moment was a farewell of sorts, even if we didn't say the words aloud.

"I'll write to you," I whispered against his shoulder, my voice thick with emotion. "And when I come back, we'll pick up right where we left off."

He nodded, his hold on me tightening as if trying to hold on to this moment a little longer. "You better not forget that promise," he murmured, his voice rough with emotion.

"I won't," I vowed, pulling back just enough to look him in the eye. "No matter what happens, no matter how far I go, I'll always come back to you."

We sat there, wrapped in each other's arms, the silence between us filled with the weight of unspoken promises. 

And as we finally pulled apart, I knew that nothing—not distance, not time—could ever truly break the bond we shared.

─── ✦⋅♡⋅✦ ───

The sun bathed the courtyard in a golden warmth, casting long shadows over the stone as I reclined lazily on a cushioned bench, drink in hand, and watched my brother and his friends pretend to train. 

Their swords clanged, but the effort was half-hearted, the clinks of steel punctuated by laughter and jest. 

What had started as an exercise in discipline had quickly dissolved into gossip and posturing, their so-called practice nothing more than an excuse to rehash the night's mischief.

I swirled my wine, half-amused by their antics, half-bored by the predictability of it all. 

My brother Nymor, always the ringleader, was at the centre of the group, gesturing dramatically as Meric and Yoren egged him on. 

They were acting like children, and I was content to watch the spectacle unfold—until Yoren broke away from the pack, swaggering over with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"And what about you, Princess?" he asked, voice teasing as he wagged his eyebrows. His grin was as suggestive as ever, causing Nymor and Meric to snicker behind him.

I met his gaze without missing a beat, a playful smirk curling at my lips. 

"No one," I lied smoothly, taking a sip of wine with all the nonchalance I could muster. Yoren's face fell into an exaggerated pout, though the twinkle in his eye remained.

"Oh, come now, Princess. You can't expect us to believe that" Meric chimed in, abandoning his sword to join the interrogation.

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "There's nothing to tell," I insisted, though the smug look on my face probably gave me away. 

It was a game we played too often—this little dance where they pried and I denied, giving just enough to stoke their curiosity.

Yoren leaned in conspiratorially, lowering his voice. 

"Are you sure it wasn't your ever-vigilant protector again?" he asked with a grin, nodding subtly in the direction of Alaric, who stood nearby, stoic as ever.

I gasped, swatting him across the chest with mock outrage. "You're impossible, Yoren!" I exclaimed, but the grin I wore betrayed the amusement I couldn't hide. 

Alaric remained as impassive as a statue, but I could have sworn I saw the tiniest twitch at the corner of his mouth at the mention of his name.

"You three are absolutely shameless," I muttered, crossing my arms as they exchanged mischievous glances.

Nymor raised his hands in a gesture of innocence, his expression feigning shock. "I didn't even say anything!" he protested, but the smirk tugging at his lips said otherwise.

"Guilt by association," I shot back, crossing my arms and taking another sip, my gaze narrowing playfully at the lot of them. Their laughter rang out in response, unabashed and carefree.

Meric, ever the cheeky one, slung an arm around Nymor's shoulders, shaking his head. "We can't help it, Princess. You're just too easy to tease."

I sighed dramatically, setting my glass down with a flourish. "One of these days, you'll run out of gossip," I said with a smirk, "and when you do, I'll be the one laughing."

Yoren chuckled, nudging me lightly. "We just want to make sure you're having fun too, you know."

I gave him a playful pinch on the cheek. "Oh, darling, I am the epitome of fun. In fact, there's no one in this kingdom who knows how to have more fun than I do."

Nymor snorted, wiping the sweat from his brow. "That's true. No one can keep up with you, sister."

I leaned in slightly, lowering my voice to a sultry whisper, drawing them all closer like moths to a flame. Their eyes widened with anticipation, hanging on my every word. 

"But if you must know," I said, drawing out the moment, savouring their eagerness, "there may have been a carriage involved last night."

The revelation hung in the air like sweet, forbidden fruit, just tantalizing enough to ignite their imaginations. 

Meric's grin stretched wide across his face, eyes twinkling with mischief. "A carriage?" he drawled, wagging his eyebrows. "Scandalous, Princess."

I laughed, tossing my hair over my shoulder as if it were the most casual thing in the world. 

I loved these moments, feeding them just enough to keep them guessing, watching them scramble to piece together the rest.

But before the teasing could continue, a voice interrupted from behind. "Princess."

I turned, and my breath caught for a split second as I saw Aemond and Helaena approaching. Aemond's presence was as commanding as ever, his single eye fixed on me with a calm intensity, while Helaena's smile, soft and unassuming, immediately lightened the mood.

"Aemond," I said, his name slipping from my lips before I could stop myself. I recovered quickly, offering Helaena a warm smile. "And Helaena. It's always lovely to see you."

"May we join you?" Helaena asked, her voice lilting with the soft politeness I adored.

"Of course," I gestured to the bench beside me, though my heart was racing at Aemond's presence, my usual fire momentarily dimmed under the weight of his gaze.

Yoren and Meric exchanged glances, eyebrows raised as they watched me—the sharp-tongued, playful princess—suddenly become uncharacteristically composed.

Helaena, ever oblivious to the tension, looked around at the swords scattered on the ground. "What were you all talking about?"

Before anyone could answer, Meric, with his usual lack of tact, began, "The princess was just about to tell us how—"

I pinched his leg, making him yelp and earning myself a wounded look. 

"Just how much fun last night's celebration was," I interrupted smoothly, throwing a quick, warning glance at Nymor, who wisely stayed silent.

Helaena, thankfully, took my answer at face value, her curiosity sated. But Aemond's gaze lingered on me, sharp and unreadable, as if he could see through the carefully constructed facade I wore.

In an attempt to change the subject, I asked, "And where is Aegon this morning? Still sleeping off his indulgences, I assume?"

Helaena laughed softly, her tone both amused and exasperated. "As always. He had quite the night."

Aemond's gaze flickered across the abandoned swords, his single, sharp eye taking in the remnants of Yoren and Meric's half-hearted attempt at training. 

The gossip and laughter that had replaced sparring seemed to amuse him, though he kept his expression impassive, ever the picture of controlled restraint. 

He turned towards Nymor, a faint challenge simmering beneath the cool civility of his voice.

"May I join you?" he asked, though his tone made it sound less like a question and more like a test.

For a moment, Nymor hesitated, glancing in my direction as if seeking silent counsel. I tensed, bracing myself for what I was certain would be Nymor's typical sharp refusal, the same one he reserved for anyone who crossed into his personal territory—especially Aemond. 

I could practically feel the air thicken with tension, my fingers curling into the fabric of my dress in anticipation.

But then, something unexpected happened.

Nymor gave a slow, measured nod, his voice calm and even. "Of course," he said, surprising us all. "We could use another pair of hands."

I blinked, stunned by the absence of sarcasm or barbed undertones. No mocking smile, no cutting remark. Just a simple, earnest acceptance that left me momentarily speechless. 

Aemond, too, seemed caught off guard—his face remained impassive, but I saw the faintest flicker of surprise in his eye. It was fleeting, but it was there.

It was a small gesture, but one that rippled through me like a quiet thrill. I realized, in that moment, that Nymor's nod was more than an agreement—it was an olive branch. 

A tentative truce, silently acknowledging that perhaps Aemond wasn't as unwelcome as he had once been. My heart swelled at the thought.

As the boys moved toward the training area, I found myself settling back on the bench beside Helaena, attempting to refocus my attention on our conversation. But it was no use. 

My gaze kept drifting back to Aemond and Nymor, their swords raised, steel catching the glint of the afternoon sun as they squared off.

Nymor tested Aemond's reflexes with a series of quick, precise strikes—each one calculated, probing. But Aemond countered effortlessly, every movement deliberate, honed by years of discipline. 

There was a quiet intensity about him, a controlled ferocity that made it impossible to look away.

"They look good together, don't they?" Helaena's soft voice broke through my thoughts, pulling me back into the present. 

I nodded absently, still watching Aemond with a kind of fascination I couldn't quite explain. 

There was something mesmerizing in the way he fought—graceful, yet relentless. His focus was razor-sharp, each step, each swing of his sword, executed with deadly precision.

"Yes," I murmured, my voice distant. "I didn't expect Nymor to agree."

Helaena smiled, a knowing glint in her eye. "Your brother is stubborn," she said, her tone gentle, "but he's not blind. He knows you care about Aemond, and that's enough for him to make an effort."

Her words hung between us, soft yet weighty with unspoken understanding. I swallowed, the warmth of her insight sinking deep into my chest.

Before I could respond, a sharp clang of steel drew my attention back to the sparring match. 

Nymor and Aemond were locked in a rapid exchange of blows, neither one yielding an inch. But there was no hostility in their movements—no anger or resentment, just a shared respect that hadn't been there before. 

Nymor was testing Aemond, and Aemond was rising to the challenge without hesitation, matching him strike for strike.

With every pass of their swords, I could feel the tension between them easing, a tentative camaraderie beginning to form in the heat of battle. 

It was a dance of sorts—each blow, each parry, a step toward mutual understanding.

"It's odd, isn't it?" I mused aloud, more to myself than to Helaena. "Seeing them like this."

Helaena nodded, her smile serene. "Change is often unexpected," she said, her voice carrying a quiet wisdom, "but that doesn't mean it's unwelcome."

I tried to focus on her words, on the gentle rhythm of our conversation, but my eyes kept drifting back to Aemond. There was something captivating in the way he moved—fluid, powerful, like a force of nature contained within the elegant sweep of his sword. 

Every time he landed a hit or blocked one of Nymor's strikes, a surge of pride bloomed in my chest, warm and unbidden.

Nymor, too, seemed to be enjoying himself. His usual guarded demeanour had melted away, replaced by a rare look of concentration—and, dare I say, enjoyment. 

The tension that had once crackled between them like a live wire now seemed to soften, giving way to something quieter, more respectful.

I sipped my drink, though my thoughts were far from the conversation. A smile tugged at my lips every time Aemond pulled off a particularly clever move, and when Nymor gave a begrudging nod of approval, I felt my heart lift in ways I hadn't anticipated.

Helaena nudged me gently, catching the smile I was trying so hard to hide. "You like watching him," she observed, her tone teasing but kind.

I rolled my eyes, feigning indifference, though the warmth spreading through my chest was undeniable. 

"It's just... interesting," I said weakly, but the excuse was flimsy, earning me a knowing look from Helaena.

"Interesting," she repeated, a smirk playing at the corner of her lips. "I think it's more than that."

I didn't bother responding—there was no point in pretending anymore. Helaena's knowing smile lingered between us, and in the silence that followed, I couldn't deny the quiet joy I felt watching Aemond and Nymor. 

These were two parts of my world that had once seemed so far apart, now finding a way to coexist, however imperfectly.

It wasn't perfect, but it was a start. And that, in itself, felt like a victory.

Aemond caught my eye for the briefest of moments, and though no words passed between us, the look we shared was enough. There was an understanding there, a silent promise. 

Something was shifting, changing. And for once, the change didn't feel like a threat—it felt like a possibility.

Nymor's quiet acceptance, however subtle, was the first step in bridging the divide that had once seemed so insurmountable. 

And as Aemond and Nymor continued their sparring, swords clashing in the afternoon light, I couldn't help but feel that the path forward was starting to clear. 

The walls that had once separated them were beginning to crumble, and in their place, something new was taking shape. 

Something that, for the first time, felt like hope.

A/n - Second last chapter and she has finally admitted her feelings!

Enchanted tag list - @mamawiggers1980 @shilphy87 @esposadomd @targaryendestiel @deepeststarlightmoon

@thebirdandthebee @queen-of-elves @believeinthefireflies95 @veesuguru

[revvethasmythh]

So I went and watched all the possible endings, and it confirmed something I had been thinking, which is that the redemption ending choice is, perhaps, the most immediately regretful one--but that they all come with some form of regret. In the redemption ending, Rook has to knowingly deny themselves the catharsis of retribution (should they desire it, which, at least for me it felt difficult not to) in order to offer Solas one last, painful chance to do the right thing. That willful denial of your own catharsis feels like an immediate regret. Giving Solas the opportunity to pursue atonement might very well be the best choice all around, but it is also incredibly painful to offer that to someone who has done so many terrible things (not a small amount to you personally). Why does he deserve another chance? Especially when so many dead (including a beloved mentor) lie in his wake? Which, I suppose, is the point: he doesn't. But you offer it anyway and it SUCKS ASS, because how could it not?

I don't know how this plays with other story choices (a sacrificed Davrin or a Harding who embraced her anger, for example), but within the context of my own choices, I can imagine an immediate satisfaction to either tricking or fighting him--especially the trick ending, where you can actively name drop Varric--but it feels like the sort of thing that would feel worse as more time passes. Once you've calmed down and are able to ask yourself if that's what the people you've lost really wanted. Varric, in Regret Superhell, didn't want vengeance. He just wanted his friend to walk a better path. And Harding always believed there was another chance for anyone, so long as you kept reaching a hand out for them--even when it sucked ass. So the redemption ending feels like a sort of indignance, an instant regret for not doing worse, for not getting comeuppance, for being forced to eschew satisfaction (related: I wonder if the Inquisitor feels those things as well coming out of this ending, considering how long they've lived under the shadow of Solas' actions). Conversely, the other two endings feel like an immediate satisfaction, because you got to trick the trickster with all the wits Varric taught you, or because you finally got to punch him in the face and it felt really good. But I feel like those endings would come with a creeping regret, something that sneaks up on you later, especially when remembering the fallen and what they would have wanted you to do. Ultimately, because of that, it feels like no ending is devoid of regret. Which I suppose, is rather thematic.

[kingofdinosaurs]

ok i stand by this one and it's still crazy to me that no one ever brings this up so let's break it down in an extremely disorganised stream-of-consciousness way:

minazuki already textually likens himself to nyx avatar and thus by extension ryoji and pharos. i have a feeling tsukiyomi is kind of analogous to thanatos within this dynamic but there's not much real textual support for this besides margaret referring to tsukiyomi as "passed down" to sho rather than an innate part of him the way izanagi is to narukami or orpheus is to p3mc. [headcanon alarm blaring] i also vaguely believe that minazuki is still to some extent present as tsukiyomi but i have literally zero textual evidence for this one, it would just make sense to me

related, i think it's very interesting that elizabeth is wielding thanatos in arena. like that's at least a PIECE of ryoji... i think it's kind of cool with that in mind that seemingly thanatos is aligned with elizabeth's goal to find a way to free p3mc from the seal. great teamwork you two ☺

I've pointed this out elsewhere, but minazuki's title specifically referring to him as a "messiah" is really hard for me NOT to associate with the p3mc's ultimate persona.

plumes of dusk are mentioned as being a physical part of nyx's body in the p3 club book q&a (links to a translation here if you wanna check it out: 1, 2). this q&a has a weird amount of REALLY KEY INFO tucked away in it that i don't think is really covered anywhere else? which is odd, because plumes of dusk alone figure in incredibly heavily to the plot of the arena duology

pharos giving p3mc the contract is really interesting to me because like. again refer to that q&a but to some extent every shadow and cognitive being is connected on a fundamental, existential level to nyx, so it does kind of make sense to me that a being built to be a literal herald of her would be able to offer the same things that philemon does without necessarily checking in with big phil about it (not that phil hasn't clearly made contact with both aigis and p3mc, but he isn't nearly as active in their lives as he is with the prior games' protagonists).

this would also make sense to me to extrapolate to sho, since he's TEXTUALLY a wild card, offered the aid of the velvet room (and at some point destined to accept it), and also has his own chunk of the Harbinger of the Fall taking up space in his grey matter. i don't think we ever actually see him encounter philemon though, butterfly or otherwise... this feels odd to me, because philemon IS implicitly present in persona 3/4, plus the black butterfly in shadow aigis' intro feels (in conjunction with the general aesthetic and motive similarities of kagutsuchi and nyarlathotep) to have some kind of meaningful intent behind it, however small.

this is only present in p3 and the answer but it's really interesting to me that the wild card powers are in that game tied explicitly to the doomed, imminently mortal nature of both people who carry those powers (although aigis gets to duck it because she's awesome i suppose?)

i tend to assume that this is somewhat related, but when the p3 protag first awakens to their persona AND SPECIFICALLY ALSO THANATOS, they go into a coma for about a week afterwards. this would be simple enough to chalk up to exhaustion, except that neither of the other main game wild cards do this. similarly, aigis falls unconscious twice during the answer: once after awakening to her inherited wild card, and once at the end of the game, in a manner where her waking up is a genuine miracle. then we have sho, who explicitly went into a coma for multiple years after an operation specifically focused on minazuki - a being born direct from the same source as the p3mc and aigis' wild card powers. it's an interesting little wrinkle that only these 3 characters seem to have to contend with.

the blue eyes thing comes up a couple times in persona 3, and again in ultimax once sho is seemingly wielding whatever power he gets from the plume rather than what he borrowed from kagutsuchi. i will not lie I'm not huge on the kotone cutscenes project's decision to make her eyes red in the awakening scene - it's cool in theory and makes sense in commitment to kotone's flipped colour scheme in ui elements and character design, but the blue eyes weren't yuki-exclusive at all, just signs of nyx's involvement. pharos has similarly eye-searing blue eyes after all. arguably there's a similar situation with aigis and her equally uncanny blue eyes, since the anti-shadow weapons also run off plumes of dusk - parts of nyx. anyway i think it's interesting that both sho and yuki (as of reload) have blue eyes, although they're generally a lot less unnaturally bright (don't worry about sho's dancing render, that one's just weird)

speaking of eyes, sho, the anti-shadow weapons, pharos, and (in some places such as the awakening scene in the movies) the p3 protag, all have a similar odd dual-ringed iris. i initially would have assumed this was a stylistic choice to convey how the anti-shadow weapons presumably have camera lenses in place of the normal human eyes the rest of the cast have, but the fact it shows up on these other characters specifically is really interesting to me as a design choice, especially since it's permanent on sho and not just tied to certain temporary events like it is for the p3 protag

i have a better abyssal wings gif now

this is relevant because reload also fully released in the intervening time and once nyx avatar reaches the final phase in that game, this happens:

i feel like this kind of speaks for itself wrt similarities. i do kind of really appreciate more recent persona games' attempts to seemingly codify some shared visual language across similar parts of its worldbuilding. as you might have guessed from the length of this post, it's a thing i'm into

what's the conclusion of this post? well, mostly that it feels really odd that nobody ever brings up that minazuki outright mentions what he is IN TEXT and "what he is" is something of an analogue to pharos/ryoji... like that's really interesting and puts sho in a kind of singular position regarding where his powers came from, or possibly implies some equally interesting (in a horrifying way) things about what was done to strega to give them their artificial personas... there's a weird amount of worldbuilding you can string together here to think about but it feels to me like a lot of people didn't even catch this line in the game, and i think that's a shame.

this isn't really an infographic, more like a testament to how nuts this has been driving me for the past year

[helpmeimblorboing]

It’s Gorgug. Keep going

[autailome]

-The Lord of the Rings, J.R.R. Tolkien

[imagymnasia]

personal yelling below the cut, feel free to keep scrolling. I just need to be sappy and hopeful for like two seconds before The Despair tries to take me again.

So first, some context I guess.

I've always loved books; always been a storyteller. And when I realized that writing was something anyone could do, the entire world opened up. (Shout out to my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Nutzman. I owe you my life.) And for a long while I wrote for the joy of it, you know? Just because I could. Just because I had stories that needed to be told. Sometimes the story was profound or about processing deep emotion, and sometimes it was making a self-insert OC and kissing your childhood cartoon crush.

You know. Like you do.

And then I graduated and went to college and learned about the world and (for a multitude of reasons that would take me a book to explain fully) I gave up. I lost it. My muse, my motivation, my spark, whatever you want to call it. It was just gone. I stopped writing, I hit the wall, and all that shiny-eyed wonder and joy and purpose simply vanished.

Years pass. I try again, sometimes, but it never sticks. I can't recapture what I had, but neither can I make it anew. I try again. I fail. I try agan, but with less optimism. I fail.

I stop trying.

Fast forward to the pandemic, and discovering a fandom that inspired me so much I started writing fanfic again. I hadn't written fanfic in 20+ years. Hell, I'd barely written ANYTHING since the early 2000s. And it feels good! I'm on a roll. I join zines, I slap stuff on AO3, I trade headcanons with my buddies. It was great! But it wasn't enough. People leave. Fandom fizzles. ButI keep trying.

And I burn out. Again. And I quit. AGAIN.

Then FFXIV took hold of me and I give it one last shot. Just a little; just a TASTE. It's not even writing, I tell myself, as I give my character backstory and watch as she slays gods and falls in love. It's just for me and like one other person, anyway. (Hi, Haj! You are the Newt to my Herman, the Sain to my Kent, and I forever adore you.)

And it's fine. At this point in my story, I'd given up on Writing, but I could play in my little sandbox. Whatever dregs of happiness I could find in my pretend world were enough. Honestly, I was just happy to be imagining again.

And THEN I found more XIV fans, and god help me but they cared? About my character? About her story? About ME? And the fans became friends. And then we started writing together. And then we made a small writing group together. And somehow in the two decades since I decided I was going to Be a Writer I was actually for-real writing again.

So here we are at present day and we're trading fics and talking about poetry and doing writing challenges and sharing prompts and building resources and ??????

[The writer pauses here because she is once again overcome with emotion because the profundity of what is happening hits her all over again.]

...

You know, I was trying to be witty and articulate about this but I just gotta say it: I'm so happy.

I'm so fucking happy it hurts, because this is all I've ever wanted. All I have ever truly wanted was to find a group of friends who love this as much as I do. Who want to write, who want to create, who care what other folks are doing and working on and creating, who cheer for each other and lift up the things we make and say This is Good. This Matters.

Not all of us want to be capital-w Writers (in fact I may be the only one? One of two? I don't know and I haven't asked and that's on me) but the fact that we all came together because this thing that brings me, personally, so much joy ALSO does that for the rest of us? It gives me hope. It is inspiring and beautiful and I am not at all exaggerating when I say that sometimes I am so overwhelmed with emotion just because our little writing corner exists that it brings me to tears.

I'm crying right now.

Community matters. Art matters. And for the first time in my life those two things have finally intersected in this wonderful awkward beautiful messy imperfect incredible space, with people I care about and trust with my whole heart, and I am so

fucking

happy

that I truly do not have the proper words to convey what it means to me.

I feel like I've found a little piece of myself again, a piece I have long neglected and ignored and told it didn't matter---all because it only ever mattered to me, and that just wasn't enough. Dreams long since dead are rising up again; for they were never dead actually, they were just sleeping and now that season is over and it's time to grow again.

So while I'm processing a lot of Big Dark Scary Things right now, I am also thinking of the Good, and holding to hope and defiance and beauty in the face of all that. And I'm going to keep creating, because to do otherwise would be to turn my back on the things that make me, me; to give up is to let Big Dark Scary win, and I refuse to let it take these things from me again.

I don't really know how to end this so I guess I'll just say it's really nice to have direction again, and to have people to share it with. I don't talk about this stuff irl and there are a myriad reasons why that I won't get into.

So. I guess if you're in the group and you've read this then thank you.

It feels weird to thank people for this but I'm truly grateful to each and every one of you. Thanks for being a bright spot in a dark world and giving me a place to actually, fearlessly, be my fucking self. It may seem like a small inconsequential thing but I promise you, it's not.

That's all.

I'm going to go have another cry and eat snacks, now.... and then? Then I will write.

Ioj out.

[aria0fgold]

It's 1: 30 am and I'm dealing with rat problems, goodness gracious. My life quality would greatly increase if my mom could just FIND A WAY TO GET RID OF THIS THING ALREADY!

[cockinator3000]

hey! what does it mean if sometimes when youre trying to fall asleep you keep seeing and hearing things that feel pretty real and most of the time the things in question are just reall scary nightmares but im likee half awake and conscious but also not like if i fall asleep theyll fucking get me and im sitting there thinking what the fuck are you talking ab but every time i close my eyes the if i fall asleep theyll fucking get me thougjts overtake me and suddenly i start hearing little girls saying some sort of variation of "im gonna get youuu 😝👻😝👻👻👻😝😝😝" and then i start jerking my body to wake up because for whatever reason i get PARALYSED??? when the visions come to me???? anyway so i start jerking my body so that they dont get me and then i realise that whatever the hell just happened was just a dream and then i try to fall asleep but it happens AGAIN and i cant fawking sleep unless i do something else first. lile what im doing now. everything that i typed JUST happened and im typing this out to get it ouf of my system in hopes of proper sleep.

the other time this happened some disembodied lady head with a kind of warped oni mask was saying the exact same thing those damn little girls were saying

saying some "im gonna get youuuu😝😝😝👻👻👻👻" shit fuck offff pleaaasseeee 😭😭😭

.....ive been awake since 5 a.m and its 7:30 am now