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leupagus · 4 years ago

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“Police Response Slowed. The Community Stepped In.”

In Minneapolis this summer, 911 response times increased as officers left the force. Instead of asking for more police, some residents reimagined public safety for themselves.

By Sarah Holder, Rachael Dottle, and Marie Patino,

October 30, 2020, 11:14 AM EDT; Updated on October 30, 2020, 1:17 PM EDT

Every night for the past several months, pairs of bicyclists in high-visibility vests fanned across Minneapolis’s Powderhorn neighborhood after sunset, and stayed out until 2 or 3 in the morning. They were there to keep watch over the neighborhood, but they don’t have any affiliation with the police or city government. Instead they’re residents of the community, there to de-escalate or monitor incidents they hear about by scanning their social media and group chats.

The team, which calls itself the Powderhorn Safety Collective, is one of a handful of ad hoc community safety groups that have emerged in the city’s south side after a police officer killed George Floyd in May. They’re taking an unconventional approach to answering the question echoing in cities across the country: What would a community that was less reliant on police look like?

Minneapolis City Council members started asking that question in earnest this June, pledging to dismantle the existing police department and start from the ground up. Activists, reformers and abolitionists have been exploring the path to a police-free future for decades. But in the Ninth Ward, says Pouya Najmaie, an environmental lobbyist and a founding member of the Powderhorn Safety Collective, creating an alternative to traditional law enforcement wasn’t a thought experiment. It was a necessity.

For many Black and brown Minneapolitans, calling 911 had never been an impulse, and watching Floyd die under the knee of an Minneapolis Police Department officer further eroded trust in the institution. This summer, however, residents also observed that even for those who did call 911, the police were responding more slowly. In some cases, it seemed they might not be responding at all. “People are very distrustful that [police] can actually do their job, and they're just not doing their job,” said Oluchi Omeoga, an organizer with Minnesota’s Black Visions Collective, a queer-led group that’s become a leading voice in the movement to remake policing in Minneapolis. “It's both, and.” A Bloomberg CityLab analysis puts numbers to that emerging dynamic. In June, the average time it took for the police to assign a unit to 911 calls — the first step to dispatching officers — had slowed by 88% across all five precincts compared to the average from 2019 to early 2020. By August, it was still about 40% slower than before May. A previous CityLab report found that traffic stops were down 80% from the period before May 25, the day of George Floyd’s death. Not all these trends appear destined to stick. As protests die down, the colder winter months arrive, and the calls to disband the police department soften, response times have begun recalibrating back to pre-May levels. But the department may end the year with at least one longer-term change in resources: There are about 130 fewer officers than there were a year ago, Police Chief Medaria Arradondo told MPR News. Many of them are retiring early, and more are likely in the process of leaving; hundreds have reportedly applied for medical leave, citing post-traumatic stress disorder. An MPD spokesperson said there were 830 sworn officers as of Oct. 15, but didn’t respond to any other requests for comment. Locals have debated any number of reasons why such a slowdown in 911 response time might be happening, from an act of political retaliation in the face of scrutiny, to a reflection of depleted morale, to the aforementioned lack of personnel. Whatever the reasons, with rates for some violent crimes spiking in the city amid economic devastation from Covid-19, the trend illuminates another dimension of police accountability: Just as over-policing can have disproportionate adverse consequences for Black people, the impacts of withholding police response from communities can be harmful, too. “Despite our name, we have always considered lack of police service to be the flip side of police brutality, and sometimes just as damaging,” says Dave Bicking, an organizer with Minneapolis’s Communities United Against Police Brutality.

A Minneapolis Star-Tribune analysis of rising crime rates found that while the trend has been observed citywide, “in terms of raw numbers, the increase in violence that intensified after the unrest over the police killing of George Floyd is exacting a heavier toll on neighborhoods already suffering the effects of trauma, poverty and lack of access to adequate health care.” Slowed response times have happened before; so have crime spikes that disproportionately affect already-burdened neighborhoods. What’s different this year, in this city, is how the community and the reform-minded council have reacted to the reports of insufficient police service. The mayor has released a proposal for next year’s budget ahead of a December vote, and demands to substantially reduce funding for the department are not reflected. Several members of the city council have walked back earlier sweeping pledges to disband the department. But as calls grow to divert some non-violent incidents from the police to crisis intervention teams or mental health responders, the department’s disengagement has also been taken as more evidence that the public safety models that exist aren’t working — and as motivation to create new ones, faster. “Previously, I would get really angry calls that say, hey, why aren't you funding the police more?” said Steve Fletcher, a Minneapolis Council member who represents the city’s Third Ward and has proposed reforms unpopular with the police department in the past. “And now the calls I'm getting are much more reflective of the moment we’re in, I think, where they’re saying: ‘What are we paying them for at all? They’re saying they can’t help, they’re saying they don’t have a strategy. Why the hell do we have them?’”

For some residents, the city’s response hasn’t been fast enough. And they’re starting to fill what they see as a void on their own.

‘The phones could ring forever’

In January, before the pandemic threw a wrench in daily activities, Minneapolis police would take an average of 23 minutes to arrive at the scene after responding to the average 911 call. Priority 1 calls, which concern the most urgent issues — shots fired, threats to life or assaults, along with suspicious vehicles or domestic disturbances — took the shortest, at 10 minutes, and Priority 3 calls, like parking problems, road hazards, loud music and thefts reported after the fact took the longest on average, at 40 minutes.

On May 25, it took one minute for the call about Floyd’s alleged forged bill to be assigned to a unit, and four minutes for the officers to arrive at the scene. After that day, police started taking a lot longer to arrive when called.

CityLab data shows that average response times this summer went up about 40% from January to more than 14 minutes for the most urgent calls, Priority 1. They also went up 43% for Priority 2, and 28%, to about a 51-minute response time, for Priority 3.

This slowdown was especially apparent in the city’s 3rd Precinct, where Floyd was killed.

Source: Minneapolis Police Department

During the same period, the volume of 911 calls has risen only marginally, and doesn’t match the spike in response times Minneapolis saw in June and July. That suggests that the police were not experiencing an increase in demand for their services commensurate to their more sluggish response. Aside from volumes of calls, there were other factors: The precinct's headquarters, which serves several wards including 8 and 9, was burned down completely and relocated to a downtown convention center farther away from the neighborhoods it was meant to serve. With potentially hundreds of fewer officers and a frayed relationship with citizens, the department was under greater strain.

“They’re getting worn out. They’ve been working non-stop with limited resources,” Minneapolis Police Federation President Bob Kroll told the Minnesota Reformer this summer.

“My own sense is that this isn’t retaliation as much as it is just everybody’s humanity in this moment,” said council member Linea Palmisano, who represents Ward 13, the southwest corner of Minneapolis. She’s advocated for more mental health support and coaching for police officers who she says have experienced trauma. As the head of the city’s budget committee, Palmisano will also have a say in department funding this winter and has said that more resources, not fewer, will be needed for reform.

Some say changed policing in the zone was intentional. Reports from residents and local news have described the area around the Floyd memorial as a “no-go zone,” where police appear to be unwilling to engage — and unwelcome by many residents.

Especially in cases of enforcing minor infractions, “not every decision to not engage in something is a bad decision,” said council member Fletcher. But even in dangerous instances, residents say something changed.

“In the period directly after George Floyd was killed, during the uprising, the service from 911 was essentially nonexistent,” said Bicking. “People had the feeling that everybody must have just gone home. The phones could ring forever, you could call 20 times and never get an answer.”

‘No Man’s Land’

Minneapolis’s Eighth and Ninth Wards have been ground zero for the city’s season of change. Their border is marked by the corner of 38th and Chicago, where a clerk working at a store called in a forged $20 bill, and where then-Officer Derek Chauvin knelt on Floyd’s neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds on May 25. Now a memorial to Floyd, the intersection draws visitors from across the city and country, who come to pay tribute to his memory.

Over the summer, the area felt like “a disaster zone,” said Alondra Cano, the city council member who represents the Ninth Ward. Lake Street, a thoroughfare that bisects the district, was overtaken by peaceful protesters marching for Black lives, but also by fire and chaos. New reporting from the Minneapolis Star Tribune indicates that some of the destruction was caused by far-right agitators, like the Boogaloo Boys. Residents felt abandoned. “There weren't any firefighters that were readily available. And there weren't any police that were readily available,” said Cano. “A lot of residents took it upon themselves to put out fires and to engage with folks who might be doing some harm out on the street.”

Members of Agape in downtown Minneapolis, after they were called to help respond to looting. Steve Floyd

It was out of that “no-man’s land” that five resident-led safety groups were born, she said, each covering different Ninth Ward neighborhoods, none of them officially designated by the city. In the months following the height of the protests, the groups got more organized and centralized. There’s the Little Earth Protectors, a group of American Indians who patrol the neighborhood around their federally-subsidized housing complex in the East Phillips neighborhood, and the Rock Steady Alliance, which Najmaie describes as a citywide coalition of racial justice activists and harm reduction workers who emerged to provide aid at protests. Agape, a group of 25 to 30 men, many of whom are former gang members, post up near the George Floyd memorial and respond to issues in the 40-block radius around it; they sometimes combine efforts with the Brown Berets, a group of Hispanic and Latino residents. The Powderhorn Safety Collective is run by a loose group of neighbors living in the Powderhorn Park neighborhood, a diverse but majority-white enclave historically home to leftists, artists and working class folks. They patrol the Powderhorn neighborhood by bike and on foot.

The demographics, tactics and territories of each collective vary, but a shared mission appears to unite them: to take elements of public safety out of the hands of the police, and into the hands of the community.

The Powderhorn neighborhood was profiled in the New York Times in June for its residents’ pledge to “check their privilege” after Floyd’s killing. Part of their reckoning was choosing not to call 911 for incidents large and small, out of a fear that the police would inflict more violence on the communities they pledged to protect. When unhoused residents started building a tent encampment down the street, the community resisted the city’s initial push to evict them, instead assigning volunteers to offer food, support and security. Later, when several volunteers pulled out of the area, Najmaie and a few other neighbors decided to start informal patrols that became the Safety Collective, to “make the housed people feel safe, so that they will hopefully not be calling 911 on the unhoused,” he said. (At the end of July, the city removed the encampment.)

The homeless encampment at Powderhorn Park in July, which was later cleared by the city. Photographer: Aaron Lavinsky/Star Tribune via Getty Images

Since they started patrolling in July, Powderhorn volunteers receive reports of incidents through the app Discord, where their neighborhood group chat has had between 1,000 and 1,300 active members. They also proactively monitor activity through the Citizen app, which culls 911 logs for geo-located crimes-in-action, and another older-fashioned tool: the police scanner. Often, what they’re responding to is the sound of gunshots. Their intervention is “full-service,” Najmaie says: they arrive at the scene of the incident, assist in whatever way they can, and report back with updates.

Agape, another one of the patrol groups, formed after young men who lived near 38th and Chicago observed what they saw as opportunistic vendors and gang violence take over the George Floyd memorial, says Steve Floyd, who’s lived in the area for 40 years and acts as an adviser to Agape. “What happened when George Floyd was killed, it made them change their lives and find a different direction,” says Steve Floyd. The group members put up barricades, and started a security patrol.

They aim to “let people understand that we have to protect our own community even if police are not going to be here,” says Floyd, “and then how it would look if we didn’t have police.”

The group has gone through several trainings on mental health, mediation and de-escalation training, and by now they’ve become a visible presence in the neighborhood, there to break up assaults and relieve tension on the street. “A lot of us don’t wear bulletproof vests, and so it just has to depend on the situation,” said Floyd. “Most of the time we can intervene with our voice.”

The groups often work together. For altercations that Powderhorn residents feel unequipped to handle, they seek out other groups like Agape for reinforcement. But even for incidents when neighbors might want to call 911, Najmaie says it hasn’t always felt like a viable option. “During the uprisings, you probably had a 30% chance to 20% chance of any kind of police answering to anything,” said Najmaie. “By mid-summer, it was up to a 50% to 60% chance, if I was to guess, and then slowly rising. Now, we're at a much higher percent chance.”

Because the Powderhorn Safety Collective is embedded within the community, the collective will often show up before police squad cars do, Najmaie says. “Other times when they do show up, what we've noticed is a very quick drive by and if you're lucky, you'll get a searchlight,” he said. “And then that's it.”

A New Playbook

Fletcher believes that some individual officers have actually exaggerated the impression among residents that police are unresponsive. “I have a lot of instances of officers telling businesses, telling residents, ‘I don’t know if we’d be able to get to you if you called and something happened,’” Fletcher said. “That kind of building cynicism and building doubt and building fear has a political impact.” The MPD did not respond to requests for comment on this allegation.

The time it takes for the police to answer Priority 1 calls did not slow as much as the total average did this summer, indicating that the most urgent calls continued to be answered in a timely fashion. This could be partially thanks to actions by the police department to recalibrate its work: After complaints, the department has triaged its depleted number of officers to prioritize answering 911 calls and pursue investigations of serious incidents.

“In these very challenging times of COVID, budget cuts and retirements, the MPD continues to evaluate and reallocate the resources that we currently have to best serve the City of Minneapolis, focusing on the core responsibilities of a police department; responding to 911 calls and investigations,” the MPD told CBS Minnesota in a statement.

Using fears about unanswered 911 calls as a justification for increasing police resources has been a familiar playbook in Minneapolis in the lead-up to budget processes, said Fletcher and Bicking, the community activist. “It works to the advantage of the police department, as propaganda: you need us, and there aren't enough of us,” said Bicking. In fact, it’s a familiar playbook in many American cities.

This time, it’s not having the same effect as it used to in Minneapolis, says Fletcher.

“The answer used to be we need 200 more cops and now people are like, we need a whole new division that handles this a different way that’s a non-police approach, if policing is not solving the problem,” he said. “That’s a really important political shift and it’s a potentially really generative moment, because I think people are thinking more critically than they have.”

Andrea Jenkins, vice president of the Minneapolis City Council, during a meeting in which council members declared they would disband the police. Rhetoric on that plan has softened since. Photographer: Star Tribune via Getty Images/Star Tribune

The mayor’s proposed budget includes a suggested $2.5 million in funding for alternative violence prevention programs, and a 7.4% cut to the police — far smaller than proposed cuts to other departments. Many of the city council members who once vowed to abolish the police have since clarified that they’ll focus on systemic reforms — though not all of them agree on what those should look like.

But there are signs that the community safety monitors and the city's efforts may start to converge as both groups explore what future policing might look like.

As of September, there’s yet another group of community members patrolling some of the same neighborhoods in South Minneapolis, but these individuals are paid by a new city “violence interrupter” program with $1.1 million in funding. Participants and leadership in the Office of Violence Prevention program are clear that they do not want to replace police, but instead focus on long-term relationship building. In many cases, they use their community connections to try to defuse tensions before they turn violent.

“We don't want to wait for it to get worse to address it, when we can see the writing on the wall,” said Sasha Cotton, the director of the Office of Violence Prevention, referring to concerns about gun violence. Agape recently started conducting regular nighttime patrols alongside the violence interrupters.

At a meeting with the Office of Violence Prevention and city council members, several of the community safety groups gathered to discuss how they could support each other, and whether they could receive city resources to buy tools like walkie talkies. Cano has given Agape members access to an office on 37th and Chicago, which they use as a “safe house and hotspot,” says Floyd. Cotton, of the city’s Office of Violence Prevention, says “there’s more than enough work” to keep both city and civilian efforts busy so long as gun violence remains a top concern.

Still, there’s debate about whether the community groups that coalesced in the immediate aftermath of Floyd’s death are sustainable in their current form. “Nobody’s getting paid, there’s not a lot of structure, accountability,” said Fletcher. In one indication of potential safety risks, Cano said a member of the Little Earth Collective had been shot while out on patrol, bringing up questions of liability and insurance. (The group was not available for an interview before publication.)

Kaitlin Wolfgram-Gunderson of the Powderhorn Collective hangs signs in the neighborhood about a meeting to seek community feedback on the group’s model. Photographer: Emilie Richardson/Bloomberg

In the Powderhorn neighborhood, Najmaie says that even as the upheaval of the summer dissipates, and the group stops its nightly patrols for the coldest winter months, he wants the collective to live on. They’re readying for Election Day and night, and for potential protests in the lead-up to Inauguration Day. There’s a trial for Derek Chauvin coming up next year. Unrest aside, the mission statement of the Powderhorn Collective describes its end goal as something broader than safety or security: "strengthening the social fabric of the neighborhood."

“People need to be involved in their communities,” said Najmaie. “People need to feel like they have a stake in things, and that they can change things.”

(Corrects the date of Floyd’s death in paragraph 16. )

#posting both for my own reference and because #this is what the abolitionist movement can look like #I still have SO MANY QUESTIONS about what police abolition is #but articles like this about communities like this are hugely HUGELY helpful #politics!

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hopeassassin · 3 years ago

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Rally’s Scribbles in the Work

So after that lovely anon blew my mind away with their kind words and wonderful support, and because I keep telling you guys about my writing plans without actually giving you even a teensy little detail, I have decided to stop being coy and actually likely get your hopes up a bit by dilvulging small details and bits of plots of what is currently going on in my G-Drive.

This will be a brief recount of what I have currently baking in the AoMomo oven, so let’s dive right into it! Please note that the numbers are in no particular order - I just keep revisiting each of these stories and writing a bit more to them whenever I feel like it. So there’s no ranking and no importance, just a number to keep proper count.

1. “Knight of Renown” Dragons and Knighthood AU, based on that one AoMomo pic with Momo ithe Knight and Dragon Aomine that I reblogged a while back and I actually let me imagination go a bit too much in the tags. I ended up actually rather enjoying the premise I set up in the tags so I actually started writing that one out! Completion rate at about: 5%? I’d say? Less? :D

2. AoMomo Music AU - a dearly beloved project that I am pouring a lot of love and attentioin to. That’s why it’s coming along super slow. It’s been in the making since November and I chewed it and mulled through it so thoroughly that I’ve grinded to a halt with it. Intending for there to be 2 chapters, and I am at about 25-30% of chapter 1 currently ready currently. At the pace I’m going, it might be another full year before you actually get to see this bad boy up, but when you do, I’m sure you’ll see all the care and effort that went into making it perfect. Honestly, no joke here, I am intending for this to be one of my rare masterpieces in this tag. So I’m not gonna rush it!

3. AoMomo Car Accident AU where Daiki barely manages to save Satsuki from being run over by a hit-and-run and ends up being the one run over instead. This was my first piece of writing after coming back to AoMomo last summer and yet completion rate is a sad thing. I want it to be flawless, a perfectly agonizing, thrilling type of torturous read that gives you a great sense of relief by the end of it. Needless to say, the clusterfuck of negative feelings is a bit difficult to hold onto for a prolonged period of time and the work is coming along slowly. Planned at about 5 chapters, I have 2 complete ones and the 3rd one is at about ... 30%? Hopefully before this year’s whumptober, we’ll have a finished piece!

4. AoMomo bond character study, which went in a direction I did NOT expect nor intend. It was suppsoed to be an idea that you will see also listed below. But I started this one from their early childhood and somehow, instead of focusing on the kids and their bond and their weird interactions with each other and their first moments of realizing they are of opposite genders, it turned into something much too fun to let go of and the ideas for scenes just kept piling. It’s going to be a long one, very explorative and very in-depth character study on the bond between these two and how it changed over the years, and their first encounters with their sexuality inbetween (because that was really the main idea that I started with... xDDD;;;) Currently at 1 chapter complete, chapter 2 somewhere around 50-60% completion, and at least 6-7 chapters to come after that, soooo.... :’DDDD YEAH. THIS ONE AIN’T SEEING THE LIGHT OF DAY ANYTIME SOON.

5. AoMomo deciding to practice stuff on each other, because I am a sucker for this trope.THIS will be what the idea under previous number 4 was SUPPOSED to be like, but it instead spun out of control. So this one, under number 5, is going to be the smutty, idiots bumbling through physicality to discover that they actually have serious feelings for each other kind of piece. Chapters are planned at about at least 6-7 or so, but not my usual monstrocities! :D First we start with practice kissing, and we move our way up from there!

6. “The Evil of Humanity” AU - a dystopian futuristic kinda mecha AU, sort of an amalgamation of some of my favourite anime in the genre - a bit of NGE, a bit of Gurren-Lagann, a lot of Darling in the Franxx rewrite and improvement, in distinctly AoMomo colors. I poured a lot of thought and love into initial outline of main moments for this one, and I really hope to make it an epic, thrilling action/adventure with a big dash of romance kind of read! Chapters currently not even planned properly, because I need to sit down and consider this seriously. It will definitely be more than 10-15 though, and they will be my usual chapter lengths so.... likely no time soon. :D

7. Aomine Fanclub - I got a plot bunny some time ago and I shared it here and my friends were spurring me on with it, so I started trying it out a little more. I’ve written out like... maybe 30% of this one as well, but need to re-read and reconceptualize to get it back on track. The issue with this one is that I’m not really sure where I want to take it, thus it’s on the back burner at the moment.

8. KagaKuro AoMomo double-date kind of story, where Aomine is asking some curious questions of Taiga about going to America and pondering if any of his immediate friends know what Satsuki wants to do with her life. I’m really invested in this one but haven’t started properly writing it out yet beyond just sketching out the idea so I don’t forget it. (I’d say 1% complete here.) Really looking forward to using the idea of Kagami being super impressed with AoMomo perfect sync when playing as a team in arcade games!

9.Laws of Attraction Chapter 2 - You might be surprised at this, but I’m actually super invested in this one. Likely the reason why I am delaying so much working on it - I feel like all my great scene ideas are just too chaotic and I have a hard time starting the chapter flowing properly. I had like 4-5 false starts already and I’m feeling a bit skittish with picking it up. But I have such AMAZING concepts on where to take it after it revvs up the engine, so... Maybe sometime this year! Completion rate: 0% written, but at least about 30% ideas built up for the installment!

10. AoMomo college rooming together story - sort of an expansion on my fill for one of the prompts way back those years ago in AoMomo week. I really dig the concept and the trope of sharing spaces with someone you consider nothing more than a friend and then gradually learning to appreciate each other for something so much more. I am definitely doing this one some day, but not anytime soon, likely.

11. A random idea bit me the other day (read: a month ago) and I actually wrote out like... maybe 25% of it already as well. A random comment from Wakamatsu miffs Satsuki but then she realizes why he’s asking dumb questions and she comes to realize that something is wrong with the equation: either Dai-chan likes someone really close to them and she hasn’t realized, which is unlikely, or Dai-chan likes HER and is super blase about it in a way that betrays his feelings not at all, which is even more unlikely. Being a curious individual, she sets out to find which it is! Some hilarity should ensue but mostly just some mess-with-Dai-chan fun!

12. Touou summer training camp at the sea - progress is practically 0, I wanted to write a summery piece and set my mind on this, but nothing beyond has come to me, so I’m not forcing it.

13. AoMomo cultural festival fic in second year of high school (meaning something approx end of Oct -> beginning of Nov.) with Daiki being in a distinctly Haruhu Suzumiya role at that festival (has anyone even seen this anime? I adored that episode to freaking bits, man, it’s engraved upon my soul) and singing Billy Idol’s “Rebel Yell” and one more song just like Haruhi did. And Satsuki just beholding the phenomenon he becomes in no time flat while he lays bare his passion for life for all the student body to see. Shippiness will happen in private afterwards!

14. You Can Leave Your Hat On Chapter 2 - Probably like 2-3 years ago while I was still in the damn woodwork and wrestling with real life and adulting being crap, I remembered this AU premise and I got super hyped on the idea of Club Owner Dai-chan being a flirt with innocent Satsuki who got dragged to his joined and fell in love at first sight with his shenanigans. I’ve already played around for like 7k words with the second chapter of this but I’m still not where I want to be at, so it will take a while longer to flesh it out.

15. Idol Worship - a story that I promised my mate aricana some 6 years ago the premise for which I am super hyped for but not quite engaging with it yet. The idea was that Momoi finally starts gettiing the dates she has been pesting Kuroko for for years, and Daiki feeling terrible about beholding that, whilst Kise is being pestered by Horikita Mai for a date and instead ditches her with Daiki because he knows his former Teikou classmate is a huge fan of her. Mai-chan isn’t particularly happy but somehow ends up enjoying her time with Daiki and starts considering actually pursuing him instead of Kise when she sees what an interesting soul he is, with the torch that he’s carrying for some girl in his life he doesn’t really talk about but is evident from the little things he drops off as hits. AoMomo shenanigans will start to ensue properly when Satsuki realizes that Daiki is actually having a close female friend who is not her but is Horikita Mai instead, Dai-chan’s perfect woman, practically. She doesn’t take well to the news and has to grapple with why that is! And what to do with these newfound frustrating emotions!

16. Obstruction of Justice Chapter 3 - MAYBE SOME DAY, I WILL GET TO WRITING THIS. Last summer I inteded to do just that but instead, Wild Side of Justice was born. And it became a spin off of sorts on its own. ORZ. I WILL FINISH THIS SOME DAY, I do have some plans for it and I do have the desire to pursue them. I just need to be in the right headspace for it ahsjkfhkjaf

17. A PWP story of Kagami arriving early for a practice match at Touou and somehow walking in on AoMomo getting busy with each other in very unexpected and explicit ways that Kagami did not see headed his way. Because, we need more PWP in this fandom, honestly.

18. And since we DO need more PWP, recently when checking the 30 lemons community on LJ (shut up, I’m not ancient, YOU’RE ANCIENT) I was wondering how exactly a smut plot around the “Taken by the Faceless Stranger” could work for Aomomo and I came up with this Masquerade ball that they end up both attending because of their friends and meeting each other and hitting off fantastically just chatting the night and then banging in a niche in the long castle-like premise of the ball. :’DDDD Cuz it’s me and if I don’t have something like that in the works, you know i’m likely sick.

ALL OF THESE I am planning on eventually finishing one day. ONE DAY!

For now they are in various states of completion and in various stages of being cared for and improved on with more ideas added and fleshed out.

I am not joking when I say I am very invested in this fandom. I just have difficulty getting to writing out these ideas when I spend like 60% of my free time playing my mobile games. :D

So there you have it. I didn’t want to say anything about these because 1) I don’t want to get your hopes up. You Can Leave Your Hat On 2, for one, has been in the making for 3 years, very on-again-off-again kind of way, and I just... can’t do that to you guys. I have decided against posting any incomplete fics so I don’t torture you guys and my muse doesn’t abandom me forever for them. So when something is complete, it gets posted promptly for your viewing pleasure!

And 2) If I divulge too much of the story, I feel like my hype of it may disappear completely. Ehh, my muse is a willful creature, what can I tell you...

So let’s hope at least SOME of these get to see the light of day soon!

#my scribbles #here you have it #a rather complete list of incomplete AoMomo stuff I'd say #Rally's works in the making #tagged as:#AoMomo #because it's all AoMomo #sorry for spamming the main tag with nonsense #Kuroko no Basuke #will I ever finish any and all of these?#here's to hoping!#a little bit insider info from the kitchen #fanfiction #writing

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astrology-with-charu · 4 years ago

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𝐌𝐚𝐲 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏 𝐀𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲 𝐇𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐞 : 𝐊𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬 & 𝐔𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐬

𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄

While the Scorpio full moon we just experienced along with Pluto retrograde would continue to bring things up from below the surface that need to be handled, faced and healed, we would start now working on the future. May would have not just a new moon in Taurus, giving us a fresh boost of self worth and net worth so we can start building our new life on firm grounds, we would also have three fated encounters on 10th, 17th and 31st May which will bring more clarity to our life path which would unfold further with the eclipses we are about to experience end May and June. We will dig deeper into all of this today and then in part 2 delve deeper into May themes by sign.

𝕂𝕖𝕪 𝔻𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕤

𝟚𝟟 𝔸𝕡𝕣𝕚𝕝 𝕥𝕠 𝟙𝟙 𝕄𝕒𝕪 : 𝔽𝕦𝕝𝕝 𝕄𝕠𝕠𝕟 𝕚𝕟 𝕊𝕔𝕠𝕣𝕡𝕚𝕠 𝟟º𝟘𝟞’

𝟚𝟟 𝔸𝕡𝕣𝕚𝕝 : ℙ𝕝𝕦𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝟚𝟞º𝟜𝟠’ ℂ𝕒𝕡𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕠𝕣𝕟

𝟛𝟘 𝔸𝕡𝕣𝕚𝕝 : 𝕊𝕦𝕟 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕌𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕦𝕤 𝟙𝟘º𝟜𝟙’ 𝕋𝕒𝕦𝕣𝕦𝕤

𝟙𝟙 𝕄𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝟚𝟞 𝕄𝕒𝕪 : ℕ𝕖𝕨 𝕄𝕠𝕠𝕟 𝕚𝕟 𝕋𝕒𝕦𝕣𝕦𝕤 𝟚𝟙º𝟙𝟠’

𝟙𝟛 𝕄𝕒𝕪 : 𝕁𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕞𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕕 𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕠 ℙ𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕤

𝟙𝟘,𝟙𝟟,𝟛𝟙 𝕄𝕒𝕪 : ℕ𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙 ℕ𝕠𝕕𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕛𝕦𝕟𝕔𝕥 𝕄𝕖𝕣𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕪, 𝕍𝕖𝕟𝕦𝕤, 𝕊𝕦𝕟 𝕒𝕥 𝟙𝟘º𝟜𝟝’ 𝔾𝕖𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕚

𝟚𝟡 𝕄𝕒𝕪 : 𝕄𝕖𝕣𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕪 𝕘𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕒𝕥 𝟚𝟜º𝟜𝟛’ 𝔾𝕖𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕚

𝟚𝟛 𝕄𝕒𝕪 : 𝕊𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕟 𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕣𝕠𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕖 𝕒𝕥 𝟙𝟛º𝟛𝟙’

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𝗠𝗮𝘆 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭 & 𝗧𝗮𝘂𝗿𝘂𝘀 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗠𝗼𝗼𝗻

Right at the onset of May on May Day we have Sun and Uranus making a surprising contact at the very degree we would have solar eclipse - fated new start in April of 2022. The shifts we are bringing this month especially in first half of the month have structural implications on what we are going to grow in 2022 financially and physically. We are taking those first steps of making a change in our life which underlines financial independence, shift in our values and shift in how we create value. Even shift in what we perceive to be stable and what we perceive to be gainful and beautiful. The definition of abundance is being changed and as our values shift so does our external reality. In the same vein definition of love and creativity is being progressively changed as the way we choose changes. The things we did before which seemed to form the structural part of our world, now do not seem to be inline with our new values. Uranus is a trigger which would show us a stale situation which needs changing and its been trying to do so since 2019. Now its entered its second decan, the Virgo dominant decan where we now do something useful and practical to make those changes. It also comes with more flexibility versus the initial rigidity to change we might have experienced.

There is an inner separation from our own old inauthentic identity or even father figure as a new discovery of our unique identity begins.

At 10º41 Taurus we create a new ego, its almost the old identity has been eliminated, weeds are being eliminated one by one and a new self is being born. “As the roots, so the flowers” said Rudhyar of this degree. We are ready for a new bloom and we would become ego attached to a new identity, such is human nature. We would nurture it, water it, love it and expect the world from it. This is the period of “Cultivation”. We must use May for nurturing and cultivation of our new roots. Which would culminate in the full flower supermoon on 26th May which is a lunar eclipse this month - closest full moon of this year.

Remember this is part of our chart where once we make home, we tend to live longer.

So whatever new source of income or new assets or personal resources or investments or heart choices you are cultivating remember you are laying down grounds for the long haul. It would feel that its not going at the speed you want, especially financial aspect of it. Words would be flowing fast, ideas and even documents may be going but that solid growth and ground might look slow. That’s a topic of 2022 when North node comes in Taurus and accelerates that element.

Do not forget Mother’s Day on 9th May ! Venus would be square Jupiter day before at last degree of Taurus, some people are about to go overboard in their purchases.

𝗝𝘂𝗽𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗣𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗲𝘀!

Jupiter the planet of expansion moves into its own sign and in its full strength briefly from 13 May to 28 July before it settles down fully in Pisces for 2022 starting 28th December 2021. This is a preview period and we will see growth in faith, spirituality, compassion and idealism. We last had this transit in 2010. So you can review what shifted for you in Jan 2010 when Jupiter last just entered Pisces. This preview would also show us the growth we would fully experience in 2022, as well as some over the board optimism or even misleading or inflated expectations. I have put the brief of my previous note on the 2022 Jupiter Neptune cycle at the bottom of this note for your reference. We are more open to choices but all choices aren’t lucrative, this might be a good season to lay some good ground rules. But overall this is a very expansionary transit and Jupiter works very well in Pisces so expansion and growth is greatly supported. This transit especially sprouts creative geniuses.

Covered by zodiac sign earlier this year

𝗠𝗲𝗿𝗰𝘂𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻 𝗥𝗲𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗲

Contracts, agreements, discussions agreed past 14th May might need some revision as Mercury would go retrograde after 29th May. Fated encounter need a bit more time to be fully understood and messaging of them may not be clear at the onset. We might in early June take a bit of step back to make sense of it all. This would also be supported by Saturn going retrograde, there might be structural changes required in our plans, getting some boundaries and rules right to make what we are initiating is more abundant. After 23rd May till 10 Oct there might be structural reworks which would be needed in our vision and plans to make them more resilient. It will also be the time to evaluate where healthy boundaries need to be built with friend, our network and sibling.

𝗙𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗥𝗮𝗵𝘂 𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀

Each of the fated encounters of 10th May, 17th May and 31st May come with the Saturn trine giving us discipline to make the structural changes I just spoke of. It’s the pie in the sky thoughts, ideas and discussions we had in March and April are now being given substance. These dates and a day before / after give great opportunities to have a productive talk with authorities, progress on approvals and guidance from an elder or experienced person. These are the “rising to the occasion” contacts - these are unexperienced grounds of potential. After 10th of May and especially 17th of May you would truly feel yourself free from the past and moving into this unchartered territory we are about to chart together. Stay flexible, open and present as it would require us to leave our old life belief system behind as south node asks us to release our beliefs and replace them with new information.

All of these fated encounter come in close contact with one of the great stars in the sky, one of the four Royal stars of Persia, the Archangel star (Michael), the Watcher in the East, called Aldebaran. Contact with this star has promise of success or happiness but it comes with a test of integrity. We would be faced with an issue of integrity and would have to rise to the occasion. A very famous example is of Edward VIII who fell in love with a divorce and even though the most logical & traditional choice would have been to compromise his integrity he abdicated the throne to marry the woman he loved. We would have to live by the morals even though the temptation to not follow them would be high. Galileo Galilei rebelled against the church announcing that Earth was the one that orbited around the Sun at the risk of being arrested & imprisoned. We would have to rise up for our truth as we encounter some moral dilemma.

Mars met this start on 26th March with influence across end of March - did you had to take a high road on a subject which was tempting ? Were you prompted in some way to change your course to take the road less travelled yet the one thats morally and spiritually more in line with you ? Well I have my natal Venus on Aldebaran so I was. If it was the case for you, you would see more progress, more information on that choice you are making.

𝗠𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗘𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘀

As we go towards the month end, I do believe activation of this star which has Mars like equalities, we could see our world leaders encounter this very moral dilemma. When Mars met north node in Gemini last in March Biden had called Putin the “murderer” and ofcourse Ever Given went on giving stuck in the Suez Canal. It was also the deadliest days in Myanmar protests. This all coupled with the eclipses, Saturn standing still and Saturn square Uranus becoming exact in June, makes for an intense month end and summer.

Communication would be charged up, transportation a bit haywire as people try to speed and we would want to go hundred miles a minute in our mind, hands and voice. Use your words wisely and its a great opportunity to make once in 19 years progress on our written, creative, verbal, communication, commercial projects and skills.

Due to the eclipse of the month end on 26th May with south node and its history, I do not recommend to travel or be engaged in religious group activities which can lead to crowds. You always have to use your own judgement in whats best for you but astrologically this eclipse comes with a travel or religious incident.

As Saturn would go retrograde on 23rd of May and square Uranus for a second time on 14th June, the Saturn in Aquarius and Saturn square Uranus themes of breakthrough, rebellion, regulations on innovation especially tech become stronger as we approach June. More regulations would be drafted over this period of Saturn strength especially covering innovations in financial system such as digital currency, stock market, investments, land use and at some point food innovation.

Covered in the past in details as below :

Saturn Square Uranus : Overview

Saturn Square Uranus : By Zodiac Sign

More on eclipses soon!

Have a great month ahead.

==================

𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗘𝘅𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗻 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮

“Jupiter the planet of expansion is moving into Pisces fully after 28th Dec and it will meet Neptune at yes at this spot on 12th April 2022 which would be a outer planet meet colouring global events of 2022. This is a once in 166 years of divine cycle when optimism hits up our dreams and inflated expectations are very much at root of this cycle. We are seeding that cycle right now with this new moon so a bit of inflated expectations are in. But so are prospects for creative genius, compassion, inspiration, positive thinking, divinity. In 1856 when this cycle was last seen in Pisces - Sigmund Freud was born; Frank Baum the author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was born ...Robert Peary who claimed discovery of North Pole was born... I can go on... Nikolas Tesla was born - creative genius underlines this cycle which is about to begin in 2022.

But there would also be delusional leaders, bad intention false hopes and inflation which would come with this. Seeds of that also is being planted now in inflated expectations and idealism. This cycle has deep implications for change in religion and spirituality. Also on weather patterns especially linked to floods, hurricanes - the Last Island Hurricane in US which destroyed Last Island was part of last cycle as was a massive church explosion. This was also first year when the Third Party in US called “Know nothing American Party” fought elections. Seeds of American civil war were grown in this cycle as well back in 1856. “

18 notes · View notes

pamphletstoinspire · 5 years ago

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Whit Embertide

Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday after Pentecost Sunday are known as “Whit Embertide,” and they come anywhere between mid-May and mid-June, at the beginning of Summer (June, July, August). The Lessons read during the Masses connect the Pentecost with the Old Testament Feast of Firstfruits.

The Gospel readings focus on Our Lord speaking of Himself as the Heavenly Bread (John 6:44-52), healing the man lowered down through the roof , telling the Pharisees that it is easier to say “Thy sins are forgiven” than to say “Arise and walk!” (Luke 5:17-26), and healing Simon Peter's mother-in-law (Luke 4:38-44).

Four times a year, the Church sets aside three days to focus on God through His marvelous creation. These quarterly periods take place around the beginnings of the four natural seasons that “like some virgins dancing in a circle, succeed one another with the happiest harmony,” as St. John Chrysostom wrote (see Readings below).

These four times are each kept on a successive Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday and are known as “Ember Days,” or Quatuor Tempora, in Latin. The first of these four times comes in Winter, after the the Feast of St. Lucy; the second comes in Spring, the week after Ash Wednesday; the third comes in Summer, after Pentecost Sunday; and the last comes in Autumn, after Holy Cross Day. Their dates can be remembered by this old mnemonic:

Sant Crux, Lucia, Cineres, Charismata Dia Ut sit in angaria quarta sequens feria.

Which means:

Holy Cross, Lucy, Ash Wednesday, Pentecost, are when the quarter holidays follow.

For non-Latinists, it might be easier to just remember “Lucy, Ashes, Dove, and Cross.”

These times are spent fasting and partially abstaining (voluntary since the new Code of Canon Law) in penance and with the intentions of thanking God for the gifts He gives us in nature and beseeching Him for the discipline to use them in moderation. The fasts, known as “Jejunia quatuor temporum,” or “the fast of the four seasons,” are rooted in Old Testament practices of fasting four times a year:

Zacharias 8:19:

Thus saith the Lord of hosts: The fast of the fourth month, and the fast of the fifth, and the fast of the seventh, and the fast of the tenth shall be to the house of Juda, joy, and gladness, and great solemnities: only love ye truth and peace.

Our Israelite ancestors once fasted weekly on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but Christians changed the fast days to Wednesdays (the day on which Christ was betrayed) and Fridays (the day on which He was crucified). The weekly two day fasts were later amended in the Roman Church to keeping only Fridays as penitential days, but during Embertides, the older, two-day fasts are restored. Saturdays (the day He was entombed) were added to these Ember times of fasting and are seen as a sort of culmination of the Ember Days: for example, on Ember Wednesdays, there is one lesson given during the Mass; on Fridays, there are none; and on Saturdays, there are four or five. Interestingly, the story of Sidrach, Misach, and Abdenago's escape from King Nabuchodonosor's fiery furnace with the help of an angel is commemorated on each Saturday of Embertides except that of Whit Embertide, and part of their beautiful hymn of praise follows (Daniel 3:52-56. See readings at the bottom of the page for this gorgeous hymn in its entirety).

CUSTOMS

Ember Days are days favored for priestly ordinations, prayer for priests, first Communions, almsgiving and other penitential and charitable acts, and prayer for the souls in Purgatory. Note that medieval lore says that during Embertides, the souls in Purgatory are allowed to appear visibly to those on earth who pray for them.

Because of the days' focus on nature, they are also traditional times for women to pray for children and safe deliveries.

Fasting

In the United States of America all the days of Lent; the Fridays of Advent (generally);the Ember Days; the vigils of Christmas and Pentecost, as well as those (14 Aug.) of the Assumption; (31 Oct.) of All Saints, are now fasting days. In Great Britain, Ireland, Australia and Canada, the days just indicated, together with the Wednesdays of Advent and (28 June) the vigil of Saints Peter and Paul, are fasting days.

Fasting means we can have only one full, meatless meal on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday according to the USCCB. Some food can be taken at the other regular meal times, but combined they should be less than a full meal. Liquids are allowed at any time, but no solid food should be consumed between meals. Those that are excused from fast and abstinence outside the age limits include the physically or mentally ill including individuals suffering from chronic illnesses such as diabetes. Also excluded are pregnant or nursing women. In all cases, common sense should prevail, and ill persons should not further jeopardize their health by fasting.

When fasting, a person is permitted to eat one full meal, as well as two smaller meals that together are not equal to a full meal. Meat may be included in one meal, except as noted above.

Hence, the sick, the infirm, convalescents, delicate women, persons sixty years old and over, families whose members cannot have the necessaries for a full meal at the same time, or who have nothing but bread, vegetables or such like viands, those to whom fasting brings loss of sleep or severe headaches, wives whose fasting incurs their husband's indignation, children whose fasting arouses parent's wrath; in a word, all those who can not comply with the obligation of fasting without undergoing more than ordinary hardship are excused on account of their inability to fulfill the obligation.

Priests charged with the care of souls may dispense individuals for good reason. Superiors of religious communities may dispense individual members of their respective communities provided sufficient reasons exist. Confessors are not qualified to grant these dispensations unless they have been explicitly delegated thereunto. They may, however, decide whether sufficient reason exists to lift the obligation.

No student of ecclesiatical discipline can fail to perceive that the obligation of fasting is rarely observed in its integrity nowadays. Conscious of the conditions of our age, the Church is ever shaping the requirements of this obligation to meet the best interests of her children. At the same time no measure of leniency in this respect can eliminate the natural and divine positive law imposing mortification and penance on man on account of sin and its consequences. (Council of Trent, Sess. VI. can. xx)

FAST AND ABSTINENCE-EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW

Fast and Abstinence

And Jesus rebuked him, and the devil went out of him, and the child was cured from that hour. Then came the disciples to Jesus secretly, and said: Why could not we cast him out? Jesus said to them: Because of your unbelief. For, amen I say to you, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain: Remove from hence hither, and it shall remove: and nothing shall be impossible to you. But this kind is not cast out but by prayer and fasting. Matthew 17:17-20

Old And New Testament Fasting

Throughout much of the Old Testament, there was only one fast day, the Day of Atonement (Lev 16:29). Later, other fasts were called for either because of a state of emergency or on the anniversary of a national tragedy (Zech 7:3-4). Fasting was an attempt to end a terrible circumstance.

In the time of Christ’s Incarnation, practitioners of the Old Testament religion fasted or abstained on Mondays and Thursdays, but Christians opted to take Wednesdays (the day Our Lord was betrayed) and Fridays (the day Our Lord was crucified) as their penitential days.

In the new covenant, we fast in a different way, as after the wedding feast (Mk 2:20). We fast not only to end tragedy but to begin ministry. Jesus fasted for 40 days to begin His public ministry (Mt 4:2). The church of Antioch fasted to begin the first missionary journey (Acts 13:2). We fast not so much because of destruction and tragedy as because of construction and fulfillment.

The Precept and Law

Fasting, The Fourth Precept of the Church

The fourth precept (“You shall observe the days of fasting and abstinence established by the Church”) ensures the times of ascesis and penance which prepare us for the liturgical feasts and help us acquire mastery over our instincts and freedom of heart.

Code of Canon Law

From the 1983 Code of Canon Law:

Can. 1249 All Christ's faithful are obliged by divine law, each in his or her own way, to do penance. However, so that all may be joined together in a certain common practice of penance, days of penance are prescribed. On these days the faithful are in a special manner to devote themselves to prayer, to engage in works of piety and charity, and to deny themselves, by fulfilling their obligations more faithfully and especially by observing the fast and abstinence which the following canons prescribe.

Can. 1250 The days and times of penance for the universal Church are each Friday of the whole year and the season of Lent.

Can. 1251 Abstinence from meat, or from some other food as determined by the Episcopal Conference, is to be observed on all Fridays, unless a solemnity should fall on a Friday. Abstinence and fasting are to be observed on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

Can. 1252 The law of abstinence binds those who have completed their fourteenth year. The law of fasting binds those who have attained their majority, until the beginning of their sixtieth year. Pastors of souls and parents are to ensure that even those who by reason of their age are not bound by the law of fasting and abstinence, are taught the true meaning of penance.

Can. 1253 The Episcopal Conference can determine more particular ways in which fasting and abstinence are to be observed. In place of abstinence or fasting it can substitute, in whole or in part, other forms of penance, especially works of charity and exercises of piety.

Lent

Why do we say that there are forty days of Lent? When you count all the days from Ash Wednesday through Holy Saturday, there are 46.

It might be more accurate to say that there is the “forty day fast within Lent.” Historically, Lent has varied from a week to three weeks to the present configuration of 46 days. The forty day fast, however, has been more stable. The Sundays of Lent are certainly part of the Time of Lent, but they are not prescribed days of fast and abstinence.

Ash Wednesday and Good Friday

Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are obligatory days of fasting and abstinence for Catholics. In addition, Fridays during Lent are obligatory days of abstinence. If possible, the fast on Good Friday is continued until the Easter Vigil (on Holy Saturday night) as the “paschal fast” to honor the suffering and death of the Lord Jesus, and to prepare ourselves to share more fully and to celebrate more readily his Resurrection.

For members of the Latin Catholic Church, the norms on fasting are obligatory from age 18 until age 59. When fasting, a person is permitted to eat one full meal, as well as two smaller meals that together are not equal to a full meal. The norms concerning abstinence from meat are binding upon members of the Latin Catholic Church from age 14 onwards.

Traditional (1962) Discipline

Fasting obligations applied to those between the ages of 21 and 59, inclusive. Abstinence obligations applied to those age 7 and older.

Fasting was required on Ash Wednesday, the three following days, all days of Lent, Ember days, and vigils.

Full abstinence was required on Ash Wednesday, all Fridays during the year, and the vigil of Christmas. Partial abstinence was required on all days of Lent, Wednesdays and Saturdays of the Ember weeks, and all vigils (except Christmas).

The requirements for fasting and abstinence did not apply on Holy Days of Obligation (including Sundays).

Current Discipline

Fasting obligations apply to those between the ages of 18 and 59, inclusive. Abstinence obligations apply to those age 14 and older. Canon law explicitly requires that pastors and parents ensure that minors not under these obligations are taught the true meaning of penance.

Fasting and abstinence are required on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Fasting on Holy Saturday is recommended, but not required.

Abstinence is required on all Fridays of Lent unless they are solemnities. Fridays outside of Lent are penitential days: abstinence is recommended, but in the United States other forms of penance may be performed.

The current laws of fasting and abstinence bind under the pain of severe sin.

Definitions

Abstinence

Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are obligatory days of fasting and abstinence for Catholics according to the USCCB. Abstinence from meat is further required on the Fridays during Lent, unless a solemnity falls on a Friday according to the USCCB.

Fasting

When fasting, a person is permitted to eat one full meal, as well as two smaller meals that together are not equal to a full meal. Meat may be included in one meal, except as noted above.

Solemnity

The word solemnity is here used to denote the amount of intrinsic or extrinsic pomp with which a feast is celebrated. Intrinsic solemnity arises from the fact that the feast is primarium for the entire Church or for a special place, because in it a saint was born, lived or died; or because his relics are honored.

Meat

Abstinence laws consider that meat comes only from animals such as chickens, cows, sheep or pigs — all of which live on land. Birds are also considered meat. Abstinence does not include meat juices and liquid foods made from meat. Thus, such foods as chicken broth, consomme, soups cooked or flavored with meat, meat gravies or sauces, as well as seasonings or condiments made from animal fat are technically not forbidden. However, moral theologians have traditionally taught that we should abstain from all animal-derived products (except foods such as gelatin, butter, cheese and eggs, which do not have any meat taste). Fish are a different category of animal. Salt and freshwater species of fish, amphibians, reptiles, (cold-blooded animals) and shellfish are permitted.

Vigils and Ember Days

Vigils and Ember Days no longer oblige to fast and abstinence. However, the liturgical renewal and the deeper appreciation of the joy of the holy days of the Christian year will result in a renewed appreciation as to why our forefathers spoke of “a fast before a feast.” There is no fast before any feast-day, but a suggestion that the devout will find greater Christian joy in the feasts of the liturgical calendar if they freely bind themselves, for their own motives and in their own spirit of piety, to prepare for each Church festival by a day of particular self-denial, penitential prayer and fasting.

Fasting on Sundays or a first class Feast

Note that if any of the Fasting and/or Abstinence Days falls on a Sunday or a first class Feast outside of Lent, the requirements (except for the Eucharistic Fast) are totally abrogated.

Excerpt from USCCB Pastoral Statement on Penance and Abstinence

Friday should be in each week something of what Lent is in the entire year. For this reason we urge all to prepare for that weekly Easter that comes with each Sunday by freely making of every Friday a day of self-denial and mortification in prayerful remembrance of the passion of Jesus Christ.

Among the works of voluntary self-denial and personal penance which we especially commend to our people for the future observance of Friday, even though we hereby terminate the traditional law of abstinence binding under pain of sin, as the sole prescribed means of observing Friday, we give first place to abstinence from flesh meat. We do so in the hope that the Catholic community will ordinarily continue to abstain from meat by free choice as formerly we did in obedience to Church law. Our expectation is based on the following considerations:

We shall thus freely and out of love for Christ Crucified show our solidarity with the generations of believers to whom this practice frequently became,especially in times of persecution and of great poverty, no mean evidence of fidelity to Christ and His Church.

We shall thus also remind ourselves that as Christians, although immersed in the world and sharing its life, we must preserve a saving and necessary difference from the spirit of the world. Our deliberate, personal abstinence from meat, more especially because no longer required by law, will be an outward sign of inward spiritual values that we cherish. (11) Over the years

The laws concerning fast and abstinence have changed over the years just as the missal has. Compare the 1917 Code of Canon Law with that of 1983.

The 1917 Code

Canon 1252. § 1. The law of abstinence alone is to be observed on all Fridays.

§ 2. The law of abstinence and fast together is to be observed on Ash Wednesday, the Fridays and Saturdays of Lent, the Ember days [all day], and on the Vigils of Pentecost, the Assumption, All Saints, and the Nativity.

§ 3. The law of fast alone is to be observed on the other days of Lent.

§ 4. On Sundays and days of obligation the law ceases except on a feast of obligation during Lent; and the vigils are not anticipated; likewise the law ceases on Holy Saturday at noon.

The 1983 Code

Canon 1250. The days and times of penance for the universal Church are each Friday of the whole year and the season of Lent.

Canon 1251. Abstinence from meat or from some other food as determined by the Episcopal Conference, is to be observed on all Fridays, unless a solemnity should fall on a Friday. Abstinence and Fasting are to be observed on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.

Canon 1252. The law of abstinence binds those who have completed their fourteenth year. The law of fasting binds those who have attained their majority, until the beginning of their sixtieth year. Pastors of souls and parents are to ensure that even those who by reason of their age are not bound by the law of fasting and abstinence, are taught the true meaning of penance.

Canon 1253. The Episcopal Conference can determine more particular ways in which fasting and abstinence are to be observed. In place of abstinence or fasting it can substitute, in whole or in part, other forms of penance, especially works of charity and exercises of piety.

The 1917 Code was, itself, a liberalization of the previous law which forbade the taking of seafood and meat in the same meal, and which required that fasting vigils the fell on Sunday be observed the day before. Saturday (and Wednesday) abstinence was more extensive.

Between 1917 and 1983 the Holy See granted permission for various modifications of the abstinence laws for workingmen and their families, for servicemen and their families, and for dioceses to transfer the Saturday abstinence to Wednesdays. In the United States it was quite common for bishops to dispense fasting and abstinence on the more important ethnic celebrations (e.g. St. Patrick, St. Joseph) as well as on the day following Thanksgiving.

Our calendar attempts to blend all of this in a reasonable fashion, prescribing a regimen that is somewhere in between the two Codes. For those who are concerned that “there are not enough rules,” it should be pointed out that anyone is free to fast and abstain every day of the year if he feels like it.

From: www.pamphletstoinspire.com

#whit embertide

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bantarleton · 6 years ago

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A march to remember Battle of Queenston Heights

They walked in the company of history. Each person, intent on keeping a long-ago story alive.

On Saturday, they marched from Fort George to Queenston Heights and back, a 24-kilometre journey which began as the skies let loose a barrage of raindrops. Their wool uniforms were heavy and wet. Their Brown Bess Flintlock muskets were safely tucked under an arm to protect the firelock. And under dark clouds they followed the Niagara Parkway trail in the footsteps of British soldiers, Canadian militia and First Nations peoples who fought an invading American force in the Battle of Queenston Heights.

They were marking the 206th anniversary of the battle, a small group of War of 1812 reenactors representing both British and American soldiers, determined to keep alive a moment in Canadian and American history.

"We are the keepers of the stories for those lost to the passage of time," said Rob McGuire, representing The Grenadier Company of the 1st Regiment of Foot, The Royal Scots.

He is known, on occasion, to break out in period marching songs, say others in the close-knit group of reenactors.

His father was a Second World War veteran. History is a personal responsibility of his, he said.

"Our veterans are a finite resource of our history," he said. As Canadian veterans grow old and die, their stories must be told by a new generation. "Sometimes, we only have the books written and the dedication of members who go and re-enact."

Along the way, on a round trip that lasted some six hours, they met and stopped to talk with people on the trail. Passersby in buses and cars waved.

They listened to bird bangers from nearby vineyards sounding in the distance, an eerie similarity to firing canons that triggered thoughts of ancestors marching onwards despite the threat of death.

The Battle of Queenston Heights took place on Oct. 13, 1812, as the Americans crossed the river and launched a pre-dawn attack on British troops stationed at Queenston Heights. Major General Sir Isaac Brock, stationed at Fort George, initially though the assault was a diversion tactic. But after hearing the magnitude of the battle, he rode his horse into Queenston and led a counterattack, where he was shot and killed.

Troops from Fort George arrived as reinforcements and were joined by British forces from Chippawa. First Nations peoples kept the Americans in their place, until the British launched an attack and won the battle.

On this day, not every regiment represented by the reenactors fought at Queenston Heights. But in the world of re-enactment, it's about supporting each other.

The responsibility for telling these stories is always deep, a pervasive thought. "This is where I need to be at this time to honour the people who went before me," said McGuire.

In 2012, the bi-centennial of the War of 1812, there were hundreds of reenactors and busloads of tourists to greet them as they arrived at Queenston Heights. This year, they arrive to a few park visitors. No matter, said reenactor Ryan Clark, portraying the 49th Regiment of Foot Grenadier Company.

"We learn by doing," he said. "I learn more about my history this way."

Last year, when no one else could attend, Clark marched alone. "It's important that these names and faces don't get forgotten," he said.

He made the return trip back to Fort George, "For those who couldn't."

One of his high school teachers in Peterborough was a reenactor, who engaged his students in his love of history and made it come alive. He's been interested in portraying history ever since.

Tom Fournier, who portrays a British soldier in the 41st Regiment, has always held a passion for history. After attending a reenactment as a visitor, he felt a sense of belonging. "The event matched my mind's eye. I wanted to be out there, in the middle of it."

It's a time to learn. To honour history. And to have fun with a group of like-minded people. "It's a way to time travel," he said, laughing at what might seem like a "geeky" idea.

And yet, it's allowed him to engage with people, making history real and relevant. And interesting.

"All of a sudden, history becomes something you can hear and smell," he said.

"It becomes an experience."

#war of 1812 #1812 #battle of queenston heights #queenston heights #history #military history #19th century #british army #redcoat #redcoats

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jennygoeseastbay · 6 years ago

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2018 in Review

So I used to do one of these every year on my Livejournal, and I completely blew it off in 2017 because I kind of abandoned that medium, and because the last month of that year was complete consumed with packing and moving. I’m not entirely certain I want to get more active on here, but for now this is a good place for me to post this, simply to have the written record of my existence that I need in order to process all that has happened and reflect on how it has helped me to grow and improve as a person. If I’m feeling really ambitious, I might even backtrack and do one for 2017 next week, because I like to be complete in my self-documentation. ;)

01. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before? Visited Washington DC for the first time.

Visited the Los Cabos region of Mexico for the first time.

Closed a major gift from someone who had not already had decades of cultivation from their University.

Visited even more areas of California that were new to me, including Anaheim, Santa Barbara, Santa Maria, Pismo Beach, Paso Robles, and Lake Tahoe (I guess that also includes Nevada since we stayed in Carson City)

Visited Ashland Oregon for the first time.

Sold a piece of real estate. Phew!

Practiced Yin Yoga. (And walking meditation!)

Engaged in a yoga hike!

Also tried yoga with goats!

Attended WonderCon

Attended a county fair.

Road a bicycle somewhere other than a residential street

Tried kayaking

Ran a trail run race

02. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I never really make concrete resolutions, just some general proclamations about eating better, and putting more time into fitness and writing. Of these three things, the one I was most successful at this year, surprisingly enough, was eating better. In September I realized that it was time for a physical tune-up, and so I rejoined WW after a long time away, and though I still have a few pounds to go, I’ve been happy to have gotten a bit sleeker after dialing back the bread and cheese. I also attended a writing group called Shut Up and Write a couple times, and I’d like to become more of a regular at their cafe sessions in 2019, because I’ve found that their method (literally a concentrated hour of shutting up and writing) has been helpful the two times I’ve gone.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth? My dear friends Drew and Kelly had their first child in September. And my friend Lynn had her second child, a little girl, just a couple weeks ago. 04. Did anyone close to you die? Not super close, but a professor at UC Davis who I had worked with closely, passed very unexpectedly right before Halloween. 05. What countries did you visit? Mexico! Finally broke in my current passport with a new stamp! 06. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? Good novel progress. Or more discipline on some other fiction and an essay that I just started tinkering with. A legit boyfriend. 07. What date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 2 was my first day on the job at UC Davis.

January 7 was a super fun evening at the Museum of Ice Cream in SF

January 13-15 was a wonderful weekend in Seattle where I got to meet my nephew Apollo for the first time and photograph his first swimming lesson for his parents.

January 20 was my second Women’s March outing in Sac with my friend Jade and her little ones.

January 27 was a day when I got to play tour guide for my friend Gricel and her husband when they were in SF visiting for the first time.

Feb. 10 and 11 was a fun weekend in Berkeley and SF, being silly and singing loudly with my former Cal colleagues who had become dear friends.

March 23-25 Was my whirlwind Anaheim weekend at Wondercon, and I got to catch up with my friend Mike, whom I’d not seen in a couple years.

March 30-April 1 was an epic road trip weekend, the first of what my friend Maya and I now call our Girls Gone Sensibly Wild excursions. We drove to Santa Barbara and visited the deserted UC campus there (it was closed for spring break) and also enjoyed an amazing live show featuring Dave Hause, Dan Andriano, and Cory Branan, among others at the Cold Spring Tavern. And then got a joint membership at Peachy Canyon Winery on our way back, because it was one of the few establishments open on Easter Sunday.

April 22 was Earth Day, and prompted me to venture out to Marin for an impromptu yoga hike at Rodeo Beach.

May 14 was my first appointment with a new hair stylist who would also unexpectedly become a trusted friend.

May 24 was my first time seeing Depeche Mode live, and it was incredible.

June 8-10 was my second of two hit it and quit it Chicago trips (although really, the first one wasn’t so much Chicago as it was Joliet) this year, and allowed me to reconnect with my dear friends Drew and Kelly (Drew finished his PhD at UChicago and I attended his commencement and hooding), have a day at the zoo with my friend Dawn, and also road trip to WI with my friend Mary for a beautiful and moving Lights Festival experience together.

June 30 was the day I attended my first ever CalShakes performance with Maya and our mutual friend Paola (Girls Gone Sensibly Wild continued!), and Maya also got me on a bike for the first time in ages, thanks to LimeBikes being available at the Pleasant Hill BART station. We took a short, wobbly, but fun ride down the Iron Horse Trail.

July 1 was the day I learned to kayak and surprisingly got myself through 5 miles of the Russian River without tipping over or running out of steam.

July 26 saw me reuniting with my dear pals Shannon and Glenn, when they were visiting the Sac area for a wedding.

July 27-29 was the weekend I drove up to Ashland to enjoy some time with my friend Debbie and to experience the Oregon Shakespeare Festival for the first time.

August 3-6 was when I somewhat unexpectedly had the delight of hosting my friend Clarise for a weekend visit. We drove down to Pacifica for the International Dog Surfing competition and I schooled her in the ways of California wine as much as I could with my limited knowledge.

The following weekend, August 9-13, I had a lovely time hosting and touring around with my 16 year old niece, and got to introduce her to the joy that is Santa Cruz. And yoga with goats!

August 30-Sept. 4 was when I hosted (this is a recurring theme in August, isn’t it?) my Aunt Sherrie for local sightseeing and a road trip up to Lake Tahoe.

Sept. 22-24 saw me heading down to L.A. for my cousin Katie’s wedding and some work meetings. It was the first time in ages that I got to connect with that specific branch of my family, and get to know them a bit better.

Sept. 29 was my first AFSP walk in Sac. And i was joined by Jade, her visiting mom, and her three little ones.

Sept. 30 was the really long hair session with Mason that helped solidify that we were legit friends (and included a shared sunset from the window of his hair studio!) and a quick follow up appointment on Oct. 3 allowed us to enjoy a rainbow and storm together.

Oct. 19-21 saw Maya and I doing another Girls Gone Sensibly Wild road trip. Back to Peachy Canyon to pick up some wine, and also Pismo Beach and Santa Maria for our first visit to a really lovely winery called Foxen.

Oct. 26 was quite possibly my all-time favorite Brian Fallon performance. It was just him alternating between his acoustic guitar and an electric piano, and he was joined by Craig Finn from The Hold Steady, who also did his own acoustic set.

Oct. 27 I got to introduce my new friend Torrey to the Old Sugar Mill in Clarksburg, and we did a fun wine and Halloween candy pairing and some epic day drinking.

Nov. 3 saw me reuniting with my Cal crew and a sprinkling of East Bay friends at Fillmore Karaoke, for an epic night of loud singing as an early celebration of my 40th bday. So much wine. Actually too much, but for a birthday, that’s acceptable!

Nov. 4-6 I was in Indianapolis for work, and though the work part wasn’t particularly memorable, I was super honored and thrilled that my BFF Dawn drove all the way down from Joliet IL with her two boys to have dinner with me on my first night there.

Nov. 9 was an epic Local H show in Sac. Also a welcome break in the midst of a period of forced solitude, after the Camp Fire residual smoke prompted my whole office to work from home for about a week to protect us from the terrible air quality.

Nov. 18 was the day we had the beautiful service honoring the life of a beloved professor who passed.

Nov. 24-29 was my trip to Cabo with my Aunt Sherrie, and was also my official bday celebration.

Dec. 9-12 was my DC trip, which also allowed me to catch up with my friend Max, who lives in Baltimore, and my friend Stacey, who also happened to be there for her own work purposes.

Dec. 15 was my full day of yoga retreating at Green Gulch Ranch in Marin, and then I drove to the East Bay to catch up with Maya at Calicraft, which is one of our favorite craft distilleries in the area.

Dec. 16 was a white elephant celebration in Pleasant Hill that allowed me to unexpectedly meet a new, interesting friend.

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year? So far, meeting all expectations at my new job and closing a major gift earlier than is required. Also not losing my shit during the condo selling process, even though there were a lot of reasons to do so.

09. What was your biggest failure? I wrote VERY little fiction. But I did dip my toe back into writing in general, so I guess there’s that. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I took a tumble at home that left my tailbone a bit tender about a month ago. But otherwise, no, pretty healthy, even after getting rear-ended in my car! 11. What was the best thing you bought? Various travel tickets, both air and rail. A beautiful new necklace that I found at the holiday market in D.C. All the concert tickets that provided soul-fueling live music.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine! I adjusted to a new job and an unfamiliar setting and managed to acquire a few new friends while also maintaining the East Bay friendships that meant the most to me. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Who else but certain immediate family members? 14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. Travel. Wine, and to a lesser extent, craft beer, now that I’ve picked up a taste for stouts and sours. 15. What song will always remind you of 2018?

Anything off of Sleepwalkers by Brian Fallon

Anything off of Be More Kind by Frank Turner

Chariot by Gavin DeGraw

Tall Green Grass by Cory Branan

16. Compared to this time last year, you are: Thinner and sleeker, weight-wise

More willing to make room for others and open my life and space to them (friend and lover both) Still as sleep-deprived as ever 17. What do you wish you'd done more of? Novel writing, as always. Flirting. And kissing. 18. What do you wish you'd done less of? Angsting over adulting-related things that were either beyond my control or that ended up working out just as they should.

19. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?

I’m driving to Santa Cruz on Xmas Eve and treating myself to an overnight stay so that I can indulge in my happy place and a sunset hike. Also get to celebrate Boxing Day for the first time with my friend Jade and her brood back in Sac.

20. How will you be spending/did you spend New Year’s Eve? Original plan was to hang at my friend Jade’s place with her kids, movies and snacks. But just learned the wee ones are ill, so now I’m not sure what I’m doing. That was how I spent last year (the original plan, that is), with the main difference being that last year I also went to a two-hour yin workshop beforehand, which was how I discovered my current yoga studio, and discovered how much I enjoy yin practice in general. 21. Did you fall in love in 2018?

No. But I made more effort to pursue it, and had more options than I think I’ve ever had in a single year. Which was kind of encouraging even if each one was relatively short-lived.

22. How many one-night stands? I always laugh when I read this question. How about I just wink knowingly and say a lady never tells? 23. What was your favorite TV program? Supernatural. iZombie. To a lesser extent, Riverdale, even though I’m still pretty behind on that one. Sons of Anarchy (which I know is old but I’m playing catchup via Netflix and Hulu) And as a guilty pleasure, Total Divas. And of course, I'm still casually following WWE on the WWE network, though the only thing I’m finding compelling aside from the women’s matches are the Brits featured on the UK specific programming. 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, I don't think so. 25. What was the best book you read? I finally got into the Harry Potter series and I’m really enjoying it. I just finished the Order of the Phoenix, and have the next installment requested from the library. 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Not entirely new, but my appreciation for Cory Branan was reinforced and amplified after seeing him in Santa Barbara. And I’m also on a rediscovery tear with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Cold War Kids.

27. What did you want and get? Reassurance that this move to Sac was the right next step, after I settled in to my new role relatively easily. 28. What did you want and not get? Romantic love for an extended period. More down time. 29. What was your favorite film(s) of this year? Bohemian Rhapsody, even though I know it had some historical inaccuracies.

A Quiet Place was hard because of the ending, but decent as well.

And the latest Halloween was hella satisfying, especially since I caught it after needing an escape after learning about the passing of the professor I mentioned earlier.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I prepped for my Cabo departure, went exploring at the Cosumnes River Trail, which is also a bird sanctuary, and caught the movie Widows with my work friend Christine. Then she took me to Panera for dinner. Couldnt’ do much more than that since I had a 5 am flight the following morning. I turned 40.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Love, as always. 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? Activewear as much as possible. But never enough. 33. What kept you sane? My friends. The various trips I took and rock shows I attended. Junk food. Wandering in nature.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jensen Ackles. Tom Hiddleston. Charlie Hunnan. Idris Elba. My taste doesn't change much. 35. Who did you miss? Dawn. Becca. Kelly and Drew. Stephanie and Scott. Rob. Elspeth. Mike K. Jason. 36. Who was the best new person you met?

Ellen

Mason

Torrey

Anthony

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018 Never underestimate my own ability to adapt to new situations, and to handle my own shit like a boss. I had a few challenging things thrown at me, namely the condo selling process, and the logistical gymnastics that followed after having to bring my car in for a bumper repair following a recent rear-ending, and though I felt tested by both of those situations, I ultimately succeeded at navigating both of them to a positive end.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I’m always starting over....

I don’t wanna waste the nights in my life

But I never fit in, or felt home in my skin.

I’m waiting on a big love, baby.

--Brian Fallon, “Her Majesty’s Service”

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blogyesican · 4 years ago

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Chapter 13

Love

“Scientific evidence suggests that what we call “love” is the result of the release of successive waves of chemicals in our body: first the gender hormones of testosterone and estrogen; then adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin, which give us bursts of energy and sleeplessness and cause us to think nonstop about the person to whom we’re attracted; and finally the “cuddle” hormone oxytocin and its partner vasopressin, which promote long-term attachment.” (Janaro & Altshuler p. 356)

I chose this to be my first quote because it grabbed my attention on the very first page of this chapter. Don’t mind the pun, but I absolutely love love. It’s awesome to think the chemicals in our bodies actually determine who we love. I wonder what sparks to make us feel love. It probably sounds ridiculous but I truly feel like I have been in love 3 times, with 3 different boys obviously, all within the span of 5 years. I know what you are thinking already, yes I had sexual relations with each one from the ages of 13-17. The years might not add up because I fell in love when I was 11/12, hence why I said 5 years. I still am deeply attached to all 3 of the boys but I don’t speak to any of them anymore other than one, my last boyfriend Michael. My first boyfriend’s name was Mark and we dated from the ages (for me because he was a grade above me) from 11-14. We broke up because I did something bad which I can explain more in my next blog entry about “adultery” or cheating in my case. The next boy friend (not boyfriend) who I fell in love with name’s David. His family is from Boston just like me and my family so think we would have been perfect for each other, right? Not. He met my best friend before he met me and they were an item before I even got the chance. That is yet another story for my next blog post on “adultery” or cheating. David and I loved each other but it couldn’t work out between us. And lastly, Michael. I feel the most about him and David the most now, but Mark was my first love. Anyway I felt most connected with Michael out of all 3 boys and I still feel that way. Let me tell you about long-term attachment!

Pictured: Mark & I

Pictured: David & I

Pictured: Michael & I

“In many circles today, sexual encounters are assumed to be be of brief duration, and relationships with numerous partners are accepted standard behavior. Freedom to engage in such relationships does not, however, mean that ending them is always painless.” (Janaro & Altshuler p. 361)

I chose this quote as my second quote because I had a lot to say on the topic of adultery and/or cheating. I just want to first put there that cheating does not always mean they don’t love the person they cheated on. Most of the time the individual who is doing the cheating feels very guilty, as did I in my 2 real life examples that happened to me. The summer before going into high school was my first time, you know, with Mark. First of all I know I was very young but we both felt like we were going to be together forever, like the foolish kids we were. One Friday night my freshman year, Mark and I would have a sleepover at his friends house (shh don’t tell my parents, they still don’t know I was doing that). However, Mark could not stay the night at his friends house that night but I could not ask my parents to get me because I had already told them I was in my friends house when in reality I was at the pool with Mark and his friend waiting for it to get dark so I could sneak in the window. And then Mark got picked up and he gave me the permission to sleep on his friends bedroom floor so that is what I did. I ended up kissing his best friend that night and then I immediately felt sick and swore to never speak of it again. Long to make a story short, his best friend ended up dating my best friend and one day they got in a fight over the phone and Marks best friend told my best friend that him and I kissed one night. So my best friend ended up telling Mark and then he broke up with me. I still regret that day. The second incident was about David and one of my best friends. (Keep in mind this is a year after Mark and I lost all my friends over the Mark thing so I got new friends who partied). 3rd of July night I was with my best friend, David, and 2 of his friends drinking on the beach. Everyone was pretty spread out and it was pitch black and then David comes over to me and sits down and drunkenly says that if he knew I was an option then he would have picked me over my best friend and then I said the same but in reverse (if he met me first and not my friend). That night I ended up sleeping over that best friends house but she was living with David because they were dating and her mom moved away so his parents let her live with them. So later on in the early morning hours of the 4th of July, I was craving a cigarette (no I don’t smoke anymore) so I look to see if there were any on Davids lanai and there was not any but David was out there and he was smoking one so I went out and asked him to hit it and he said yes but only if I kissed him and I did. It was just the beginning of something much bigger than what we had ever expected. We were sneaking around my best friend and his girlfriend to see each other. That is my biggest regret, more than Mark, I lost both of my best friends that day she found out a few months later. I feel terrible about it to this day and it happened in 2015. Michael has nothing to do with cheating but if you were wondering, he came after mark for one week over spring break (my spring fling 2014), and then that next summer I kissed David. Technically he came after Mark, and after David if that makes sense. I could talk about my loves for days but I will stop.

“In Margaret Atwood’s novel The Handmaid’s Tale (1985), all rights have been taken from women. They are denied education, careers of their choice, and the ability to choose a mate based on love. The handmaid of the title is a slave who must always wear an identifying garment; her name, Offred, means she is owned by a man named Fred. When they have sex, as is required when a handmaid is in her fertile period, Fred’s wife is present to oversee the process. The child will then belong to the husband and wife. Atwood shows that the powers of the state, even in a democracy, can be used as instruments of oppression against those deemed undesirable.” (Janaro & Altshuler p. 380)

I chose to end with this quote for this chapter of love because I LOVE the show on Hulu, The Handmaid’s Tales and I enjoyed the section reading of “Imagining a World without Love.” I do not want to get all philosophical but I believe we were created to reproduce. The way humans find their mates is by who we are attracted to and that is what drives our instincts to want to reproduce. I feel like everything happens for a reason. All of the reasons why something didn’t work out with a boyfriend/girlfriend, leads you to the bigger picture and you find someone else who sparks your interests. I believe my reason for being here is to love and to offer love to those who are in need of it. Imagining a world without love? I could never! I just wanted to say, by far this has been one of my favorite chapters so far in the book. I enjoy the readings every week because I am always learning something new about the humanities.

Works Cited

First picture: What Is Love ? (Scientifically Speaking). 13 Mar. 2017, guernseydonkey.com/what-is-love-scientifically-speaking/.

Mark pictures: Image © Lauren Elizabeth Tower

David picture: Image © Lauren Elizabeth Tower

Michael picture: Image © Lauren Elizabeth Tower

Second picture: Savin, Jennifer. “The Scientific Theory Why Breakups Hurt More When You're Younger.” Cosmopolitan, Cosmopolitan, 21 Oct. 2019, www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/a29513628/breakups-heartbreak-worse-younger/.

Third picture: “The Handmaid's Tale's Race Problem.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 31 July 2017, www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/jul/31/the-handmaids-tales-race-problem.

Janaro, R. P., Altshuler, T. C. (2017) The Art of Being Human: The Humanities as a Technique for Living. Boston, MA: Pearson.

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techcrunchappcom · 4 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/redmen-top-d-1-xc-braves-finish-fourth-news-sports-jobs/

Redmen top D-1 XC, Braves finish fourth | News, Sports, Jobs

MARQUETTE — It was a disappointing day for some, but not for Escanaba senior Derek Douglas in the Upper Peninsula Division 1 Cross Country Finals here Saturday.

Douglas placed fourth in the boys’ race, covering the 3.1-mile course in a personal-best 17 minutes, 46.9 seconds on the mostly cloudy and chilly day at Presque Isle Park.

His plan was to use a little different strategy for the Finals.

“My strategy was to go out hard and take the lead and stay with the pack through the woods,” he said. “It was a little cold, but there wasn’t much wind. It felt pretty good taking the lead, and I think it helped me. Although, once we got into the woods, I changed things up. I always get a little tired in the second mile but tend to pick it up in the third. This is a great way to end the season. This was my last high school race. I wanted to give it everything I had.”

Marquette, which placed four in the top seven, retained its title with 38 points. The Redmen were followed by Sault Ste. Marie 47, Houghton 69 and Gladstone 97.

Sault senior Jaron Wyma, who’s verbally committed to Saginaw Valley State, won at 17:19, followed by Houghton junior Eric Weiss (17:32.5) and Marquette sophomore Carson Vanderschaaf (17:40.8).

“Going into this race, I really didn’t know where I’d finish,” said Wyma. “This is a big surprise. I thought it would come down to the last few steps. The last 800 meters were tough. My legs were burning, although I felt good the whole race. I engaged my arms and used the hills to my advantage. I knew I could win it if I toughed it out mentally. I guess you could say I was on a mission. It feels great to win this meet.”

It was a disappointing day for Gladstone. Junior Giovanni Mathews, who took a fall during the race, placed 10th (18:16.1), and sophomore Drew Hughes finished 12th (18:20.4) just five days after taking the Mid-Peninsula Conference title at Flat Rock in 16:54. He also earned his first Great Northern Conference title in Marquette at 17:31.9 on Oct. 15.

“Gio said Drew was having a hard time breathing when he passed him,” said Braves’ coach Gary Whitmer. “There was something physical going on. You never know what can happen. There’s not much you can do.”

The Houghton girls edged Marquette 56-58 for their first title. Sault squeezed past Westwood 82-83 for third place, and Gladstone placed fifth with 144 points.

Houghton junior Paige Sleeman also won for the first time at 20:55.2, followed by Westwood sophomore Heidi Meglathery (21:00.8) and classmate Ingrid Seagren (21:19.4).

“I just tried to stay with the top runners,” said Sleeman. “I like running in colder weather. I wanted to win and wanted our team to win. We were willing to do whatever it took. Marquette has tough runners. Ingrid had a real good race. I felt she held it together well. All the teams and girls ran well.”

Esky junior Ciara Ostrenga reached the top 10 at 22:29.1, and Gladstone junior Samantha Strasler was 17th (22:56.9).

“Quite a few of the girls ran their best races,” said Whitmer. “This has been kind of a crazy year. We’re just glad to get the season in. We’re real proud of our runners. They put a lot of effort into this season.”

Boys

Marquette 38, Sault Ste. Marie 47, Houghton 69, Gladstone 97, Menominee 142, Escanaba 162, Westwood 163, Calumet NTS.

Top 15 — 1, Jaron Wyma, Sault Ste. Marie, 17:19; 2, Eric Weiss, Houghton, 17:32.5; 3, Carson Vanderschaaf, Marquette, 17:40.8; 4, Derek Douglas, Escanaba, 17:46.9; 5, Colin Vanderschaaf, Marquette, 17:50; 6, Luke Janofski, Marquette, 17:50; 7, Lincoln Sager, Marquette, 18:05.8; 8, Cody Aldridge, Sault Ste. Marie, 18:06.8; 9, Riley Eavou, Sault Ste. Marie, 18:14.1; 10, Giovanni Mathews, Gladstone, 18:16.1; 11, Branden Peterson, Houghton, 18:18; 12, Drew Hughes, Gladstone, 18:20.4; 13, Hunter Walther, Sault Ste. Marie, 18;26.6; 14, Jake Sullivan, Houghton, 18:32; 15, Davin Evans, Houghton, 18:32.

Girls

Houghton 56, Marquette 58, Sault Ste. Marie 82, Westwood 83, Gladstone 144, Menominee 146, Calumet 148, Escanaba NTS.

Top 15 — 1, Paige Sleeman, Houghton, 20:55.2; 2, Heidi Meglathery, Westwood, 21:00.8; 3, Ingrid Seagren, Houghton, 21:19.4; 4, Olivia Moffitt, Marquette, 21:50.2; 5, Elizabeth Williams, Westwood, 21:53; 6, Hayden Buck, Menominee, 22:00.7; 7, Attica Brandt, Menominee, 22:13.9; 8, Guinn Wuorinen, Marquette, 22:18.2; 9, Autumn Eles, Houghton, 22:23.5; 10, Ciara Ostrenga, Escanaba, 22:29.1; 11, Kiira Berg, Calumet, 22:30; 12, Lillian Weycher, Marquette, 22:30.9; 13, Haleigh Knowles, Sault Ste. Marie, 22:32.6; 14, Anna Hildabrand, Sault Ste. Marie, 22:39.7; 15, Hailee O’Connor, Sault Ste. Marie, 22:42.3.

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christhehoff · 7 years ago

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Direct Hit?

Nintendo Direct 9/13/17 Thoughts & Notes

The latest Nintendo Direct has come and gone, and it delivered pretty much what I expected, if not slightly more. Given the timing of the presentation, this was Nintendo's best opportunity to push its fall and holiday lineup, and it did just that with new information on Super Mario Odyssey, Pokémon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon, Xenoblade Chronicles 2, and a smattering of others. Anyone expecting big reveals set themselves up for disappointment; this was about selling the games hitting in the remainder of 2017 first and foremost. That's not to say there weren't surprises; not only were new first-party games announced, but so were third-party titles, new hardware variations, and even an unexpected blast from Nintendo's past. Here are the top 15 notable moments as far as I was concerned.

1. Super Mario Odyssey The more I see of this game, the better it looks. Nintendo has obviously been holding back information on this game since E3, showing only a handful of environments, enemies, and abilities, but the curtains opened a whole lot more during this Nintendo Direct. Sure, we expected Mario standbys like an ice world, a water world, and a jungle world, but it's nice to see them with our own eyes. As with previous looks at this game, the new footage displayed a world bursting with imagination and unparalleled creativity: running on water, controlling an adorable flying dinosaur, racing against Koopas, and engaging in a 2D Donkey Kong homage. The classic outfits tug at my Nintendo nostalgia, and the photo mode opens up a lot of fun creative possibilities. The best part is I think we've still only scratched the surface of this game. Well, the best part for some might be topless Mario's nipples, but I guess that's a personal preference. The Switch bundle that includes red Joy-Cons and a Mario carrying case is pretty snazzy too.

2. Xenoblade Chronicles 2 The new footage of Xenoblade Chronicles 2 really emphasized just how vast and beautiful the world is. The living, breathing environments, built on the backs of massive creatures, look absolutely stunning and, like in previous Xenoblade games, simply beg to be explored. The Nintendo Direct presentation - evidently narrated by a bored, genteel British grandfather - was absolutely ridiculous and probably didn't garner many new fans, but it didn't negate my enthusiasm for this anime-influenced RPG. The special edition - including a music CD and a 220-page artbook - is somewhat tempting too, but maybe not for $100.

3. Project Octopath Traveler Even though it's not set for release until next year, Nintendo put a heavy emphasis on the ludicrously named Project Octopath Traveler for Switch. I know it's supposed to be a temporary name, but hopefully it finds a better one sooner rather than later. More exciting than the presentation was the release of the playable demo, which lets you sample the game as two of the eight protagonists, Olberic the warrior and Primrose the dancer, each with unique special skills. The inclusion of eight protagonists gives the game a Saga Frontier feel, while the retro graphics feel like a throwback to 16-bit Final Fantasy games. This one has a lot of promise.

4. Nintendo Arcade Archives This came out of nowhere. Hamster, the company responsible for publishing a ridiculous number of Neo•Geo games on Switch, will now be delivering Nintendo's classic arcade lineup in pixel-perfect form to a console for the first time ever. Nintendo should have tried something like this with arcade Virtual Console on Wii, but it didn't; now, at long last, the original versions of these seemingly lost arcade games will finally be playable once again. While the differences between the arcade and NES versions of these games aren't huge, they're a captivating piece of Nintendo history, and hardcore fans will love picking up on the subtle differences in games like Mario Bros, Vs Balloon Fight, Vs. Ice Climber, Vs. Pinball, and Vs. Clu Clu Land. For me, it's all about Vs. Super Mario Bros and Punch-Out!!, but if the price is comparable to past Arcade Archive offerings ($8 or so), I'll probably buy the whole lot.

5. Doom & Wolfenstein II I'm not a big FPS fan, so these aren't games I'll likely buy personally, but I love the fact that the Switch is diversifying its lineup and seeing more support from Bethesda in the form of these popular shooters. Hopefully other publishers will do the same.

6. Pokémon Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon I loved Pokémon Sun and Pokémon Moon, and I want to say the same about Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon, but the latest footage shown of these games didn't really inspire. Whereas Sun and Moon were exciting and refreshing, it looks like Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon are going to retreat an awful lot of the same territory. The Pikachu Park and new beach areas look nifty, as do the new Ultra Beasts, but I was hoping for a lot more.

7. New Nintendo 2DS XL Hardware On the other hand, the Poké Ball Edition New Nintendo 2DS XL (coming Nov. 3) looks amazing. I have to believe this will be one of Nintendo's most in-demand hardware variations yet. And the new white-and-orange New 2DS XL (coming Oct. 6) looks perfect for fall as well.

8. Kirby: Star Allies It's bright, it's colorful, and it's full of multiplayer action and crazy copy abilities - it's definitely a new Kirby game. We still don't know much about this previously untitled Kirby game that was revealed back at E3, but it's sure to be a blast when it hits in spring 2018.

9. Mario Party: The Top 100 With a November 10 release date - less than two months away - this one came out of nowhere as a surprise announcement. But is Mario Party out of ideas? This 3DS release curates the best 100 minigames from past Mario Party titles and compiles them into one game. Mario Party games have a reputation for being very similar, but in this case it literally reuses the ideas from the past. Hopefully it has compelling boards to tie it all together.

10. Kirby: Battle Royale Taking a break from the usual Kirby formula, this is a four-player Kirby fighting game for 3DS. There's a single-player mode, of course, and several types of competitive play, but it's kind of a bummer that there's no stereoscopic 3D.

11. Dragon Quest Builders Essentially combining elements of Dragon Quest with Minecraft, this one was released on other platforms some time ago, but I'm glad to see that it's coming to Switch in North America.

12. Minecraft: New Nintendo 3DS Edition It's hard to believe there wasn't a 3DS version of Minecraft until now. This game probably would have had more impact if it were released a year or two ago, but better late than never, I guess! The digital version is already available for download, and a physical version will be coming down the road.

13. Snipperclips Plus The original Snipperclips was a tad too frustrating for my tastes - perhaps I needed better co-op partners - but it's nice to see it returning with an expansion, and with a physical release. You can grab the full package at retail for $30, or if you already own the original digitally, you can add on 30 new stages and other features for just $10.

14. The Alliance Alive Other than the fact that it's a traditional fantasy RPG featuring nine protagonists, and that the story focuses on humanity rising up against demon conquerors, little has been said about this one. But Atlus rarely steers us wrong with role-playing releases, and one of the writers of the early Suikoden games is involved, so I'm definitely interested.

15. Amiibo Release Dates If there’s one thing I love, it’s amiibo. And I can't wait for the latest releases, all of which now have release dates. Koopa and Gooma hit Oct. 6 (the same day as Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions); Chrom and Tiki hit Oct. 20 (the same day as Fire Emblem Warriors); and the Champions of The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (Mipha, Revali, Daruk, and Urbosa) hit on Nov. 10. Who knows? Maybe the second batch of BOTW DLC will hit around that time too. Of course, the Mario, Peach, and Bowser amiibo hit alongside Super Mario Odyssey on Oct. 27.

#nintendo #mario #pokemon #video games #xenoblade #amiibo

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biofunmy · 5 years ago

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Elon Musk Can’t Lose

Alex Spiro was on a roll. The 6-foot-something attorney stood imposingly at the lectern in the Los Angeles federal court with the confidence of a guy compelled to remind people he lettered in high school varsity basketball for four years and almost walked onto his college team. His demeanor was casual — he dropped a few “dudes” that belied his Harvard law degree — but forceful. His only obvious weakness seemed to be the brace on his right foot, the result of an injury sustained during a pickup game.

A high-profile trial lawyer who worked for the CIA before assembling a client list that included New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, Mick Jagger, and Jay-Z, Spiro was on the clock for another billionaire defendant on a Friday last December. And having lured the jury in with a fantastical closing argument about his client’s supposed generosity and heroics, Spiro threw in some flattery for the person paying his bills.

“[The plaintiff] can say whatever he wants about Elon Musk,” he said. “No one can bring people together like he can to do the impossible.”

Over the past few decades, Musk promised to land a reusable rocket on a robotic ocean barge, and then he went and did it. He dreamed up a tunnel under Los Angeles to counter the city’s congested highways, and then founded a company to dig it. He’s also mapped out an electric car future and is well on his way toward achieving it. His admirers laud him as the real-life Tony Stark, a once-in-a-generation genius with a force of will that can make the seemingly impossible possible. But as a judge, eight jurors, two sizable legal teams, a dozen reporters, and I learned late last year, Musk’s uncanny ability to transform far-fetched ideas into attainable ones can cut both ways.

We spent a week in the courtroom listening to a legal case as absurd as one of Musk’s wildest moon shots. How did we get there? A quick recap: In July 2018, Musk tweeted that a British cave explorer was a “pedo guy,” faced a wave of criticism, kind of apologized, received a legal threat, doubled down on the accusation, sent a reporter (me) an email suggesting the Brit was a “child rapist,” hired a phony private investigator to prove it, got sued, and, after more than a year of legal wrangling, ended up in court. Never mind that some legal experts thought the case was a clear example of defamation, that his advisers told him to settle, and that he had far better things to do with his time. Musk was going to fight.

In doing so, the billionaire entrepreneur brought the same drive that pushed electric cars into the mainstream to a legal dispute over his own bad behavior. And in typical fashion, Musk defied the odds. He won.

Musk’s legal victory over Vernon Unsworth – a previously unknown Brit who became a legitimate hero while helping rescue a boys soccer team and their coach from a Thailand cave — will rank low on his list of achievements. But in many ways, it is far more revealing of Musk than any of the technological feats that land him in the headlines.

The weeklong trial showcased Musk’s bending of reality, a skill that’s part of his mythology but rarely seen outside his work. It’s something he uses to convince an engineer to perfect a car part for days on end or push a public relations staffer to disappear a bad story, and it’s often rescued him from the brink of failure. In Elon’s world, there is only Elon’s way. “You can always tell when someone’s left an Elon meeting: they’re defeated,” an anonymous SpaceX employee wrote on Quora in 2016. “The reason for this is that Elon’s version of reality is highly skewed.”

“Elon’s version of reality is highly skewed.”

Apple cofounder Steve Jobs was renowned for his “reality distortion field,” an unusual ability to persuade employees and followers that his seemingly impossible visions were worth realizing. Musk has one too; in the case of Unsworth, he used it to convince himself that a critic was a pedophile simply because he happened to be an older white man living in Thailand. Then, when threatened with a defamation lawsuit, Musk and his lawyers built out an alternate reality: one where he played a key role in the cave rescue, where “pedo guy” was a common playground insult, and where he did not attempt to destroy a hero who had criticized him

“Elon has an uncanny ability to tell a story he wants to be true, convince himself that it has to be true, and then convince others,” one former Tesla executive told me after the trial.

That’s exactly what happened in Vernon Unsworth v. Elon Musk. Though a simple online search suggests that Unsworth’s name might be forever linked to pedophilia, Musk won the case by arguing that his “pedo guy” attacks on the caver didn’t explicitly mention his name, and therefore could not constitute defamation. Musk and Spiro declined to comment for this story.

It took the jury less than hour to return a verdict. As reporters rushed back into the courtroom, where phones were banned, I watched from outside, waiting to tweet the decision. Before the judge could strike his gavel, a gaggle of TV producers rushed out of the court’s double doors yelling. Unsworth sat stone-faced, his attorneys slumped in their chairs. Spiro stood with a half-blank stare, almost as if he couldn’t believe he had pulled it off.

Musk rose, nodding.

“Elon Musk is not liable for damages,” I tweeted, watching the billionaire through the glass. “He won.”

Nurphoto / Getty Images

Musk speaks at SpaceX headquarters in Hawthorne, California, on Oct. 10, 2019.

On July 13, 2018, Bloomberg Businessweek published an interview with Musk in which he promised to behave better. Remarking on his Twitter account, on which he had attained a new level of bombast in the preceding months, the Tesla CEO admitted he should probably stop engaging with his critics.

“I have made the mistaken assumption — and I will attempt to be better at this — of thinking that because somebody is on Twitter and is attacking me that it is open season,” he said. “That is my mistake. I will correct it.”

It took less than two days for Musk to break that promise. On the morning of the 15th, he awoke early, opened Twitter, and clicked a link to a video interview from CNN. Musk hit play.

“He can stick his submarine where it hurts,” a man named Vernon Unsworth said of Musk. Unsworth, a Brit living in Thailand and an expert on the country’s Tham Luang cave system, was talking about the metal tube Musk had built to rescue members of a Thai boys soccer team who had been trapped in the cave for 18 days. Unsworth was convinced it couldn’t work and was irked at what he viewed as opportunism. “Just a PR stunt,” he said.

Musk watched the 43-second clip again, and again — growing increasingly angry that a man he’d never met had mocked what he viewed as a good faith effort to aid children in mortal danger. He was particularly sensitive to Unsworth’s remarks because he’d faced similar criticism on Twitter already. And he was in a particularly foul mood because his contributions to Republican lawmakers had recently dragged the company into another lousy news cycle. Musk typed Unsworth’s name into Google, followed it with a search for “Chiang Rai” — a locale near the site of the rescue — and reviewed the results. Then he tapped out a thread on Twitter, where he had some 22 million followers at the time.

“Never saw this British expat guy who lives in Thailand (sus) at any point when we were in the caves,” he wrote in a response to one critic, before saying that he would make a video showing his “mini-sub” was fully operational. “Sorry pedo guy, you really did ask for it.”

To understand Musk’s crass and disproportionate response to Unsworth’s quip, you have to go back to that spring — a particularly rough one for the Tesla CEO. The company was in the middle of what Musk had sagaciously predicted would be “production hell,” and things had not been going smoothly. The crushing pressure to ship cars led to reported missteps — substandard factory conditions, high rates of worker injury, wasted materials, executive departures. And those missteps led to investigations by the likes of BuzzFeed News and plenty of unwanted media coverage.

The scrutiny put Musk in a foul mood, according to three people who worked with him at the time, and his increasingly acidic stream of consciousness bled out into real-life interactions. He called an analyst “boneheaded” on an earnings call. He tried to personally destroy an employee who leaked information about the company. And when he wasn’t working he retreated to Twitter, a place where he could “bypass journo bs,” dish on supposed Big Oil conspiracies, and flirt with the idea of a site to rate reporters.

“It started to spiral out of control,” said one person close to Musk as he quadrupled his tweeting that May. That activity, the person said, was compounded by his time in “production hell” where he put in long hours and slept in a factory conference room to meet projections.

Linh Pham / Getty Images

Thai officers supervise the rescue mission inside Tham Luang Nang Non cave in Chiang Rai, Thailand, June 28, 2018.

Musk learned about the catastrophe in Thailand through Twitter. On June 23, 12 young soccer players and their coach became trapped in Thailand’s Tham Luang cave system after heavy rains flooded it. Some 12 days later, divers called in by Unsworth, who had spent years exploring the caves and was among the first on the scene, found them alive, trapped in an air pocket.

In court, Musk testified that “dozens of people” on Twitter had asked him to assist in the rescue. He initially turned down the requests, thinking the Thai government had it under control. But on July 6, Musk committed to sending engineers from SpaceX and the Boring Company, his tunneling startup, to Thailand after what he described as “active conversations with the Thai government.”

Following an email exchange with a British diver on-site named Rick Stanton, Musk proposed rescuing the boys in a rigid metallic tube, or mini submarine, large enough to tightly enclose “a 15-year-old boy.” But by the time he tweeted footage of the device being tested in a California swimming pool, the main effort to extract the boys, which involved sedating them and swimming them out, was well underway. Nevertheless, Rick Stanton — a diver on the scene who gave Musk some rough specifications — urged the billionaire to continue development as a just-in-case measure.

Later, after the trial, Stanton would say it wasn’t until he saw photos and video of the tube in action that he thought it had no chance of working. Reviewing footage of a test that happened in a sunny California pool, he noticed issues with buoyancy and air capacity. Compounding these concerns, the testing conditions were not at all comparable to the narrow, murky conditions of the cave.

“I think [Musk] had worrying intentions,” said Stanton, who had been prevented from discussing the tube at length on the stand in December. “Surely, there must have been a point when these engineers decided it was not possible … and he decided to bring it on-site anyway and showboat.”

On July 9, Musk dropped off the mini sub in Thailand. He took a tour of the caves before departing for his hotel and eventually heading to Shanghai for business. Musk never met Unsworth or Stanton. The tube was never tested on-site and was ultimately never used.

But shortly after the last boys were extracted, the tube became a lightning rod for renewed criticism. And Musk didn’t take it well. When Narongsak Osatanakorn, a provincial governor who oversaw part of the rescue, said the tube didn’t really fit with the mission, Musk dismissed Osatanakorn, tweeting that he wasn’t a true rescue expert. (Musk’s staff later unsuccessfully pressured the Thai Consulate in Los Angeles to lobby Osatanakorn to reverse his statement.)

By the time he watched Unsworth’s CNN interview, Musk had been getting blasted online for the mini sub for five days straight. His tweets about the British caver took that vitriol to another level. “Cave Diver Criticizes Musk’s Kid-Sub Rescue Plan. Musk Suggests He’s A Pedophile,” read one headline from the Los Angeles Times, while Bloomberg News went with “Musk Labels U.K. Diver As Pedophile In Spat Over Thai Rescue.” To hundreds of publications around the world, the target of Musk’s ire and the implication of his comment seemed quite clear.

A few days later, Musk deleted the tweets and issued a half-hearted apology. But the damage was done. His posts had been screenshotted, shared, written up, and seen by millions. He couldn’t take them back.

Apu Gomes / Getty Images

Vernon Unsworth (center) and his attorneys, Mark Stephens (left) and L. Lin Wood (right), speak to reporters outside the US district courthouse in Los Angeles, Dec. 6, 2019.

In December, as court commenced on a Tuesday in balmy Southern California — 506 days after Musk’s “pedo guy” tweet — the only thing missing in Vernon Unsworth v. Elon Musk was the defendant. Ten floors below the courtroom, photographers and TV reporters had spent the morning jostling for position only to be disappointed when the billionaire failed to show up for opening arguments.

For Musk’s critics, the defamation trial was a barometer: Could a powerful man with virtually unlimited resources be held accountable for his shitty behavior? A little more than a year ago, Musk had been accused of lying about having the necessary funding to take his electric car company private at $420 a share; he had pushed misleading projections about Model 3 deliveries and was being investigated for discouraging workers from unionizing. Around that time, Tesla was also undercounting workers’ injuries at its factories.

Musk walked away from all that with a half-hearted spanking: a $20 million fine (he’s currently worth $34 billion) and an order to relinquish his role as Tesla chair (he remains CEO). In Unsworth’s civil case, former employees who’d been treated unfairly, short sellers who were out for blood, and aspiring Tesla owners still waiting for their car, saw the chance for catharsis. Meanwhile, Silicon Valley wondered how the hell the case had gotten this far. It seemed a senseless waste of time and bandwidth for someone who rarely had either.

Jury selection was a case study in Musk’s influence. Of the 40 or so prospective jurors, about a fifth were dismissed for having some connection to the billionaire. Among those who departed was a man with an upcoming interview at SpaceX. Among those who remained included an owner of two Teslas.

Judge Stephen V. Wilson’s instructions to the three-man, five-woman jury were straightforward. Defamation, among the hardest allegations to prove in a US court, could only be established if Musk’s tweets met five criteria:

1) Whether he said his statements to more than one person other than Unsworth.

2) Whether a reasonable person could understand the tweets were about Unsworth.

3) Whether a reasonable person understood the tweets meant Unsworth was a pedophile.

4) Whether the statements were false.

5) Whether the Tesla CEO failed to use reasonable care when determining the truth or falsity of the statements.

In opening arguments, only the defense seemed to take the judge’s jury instructions to heart. The plaintiff trotted out a junior member of the legal team who gave a dry, matter-of-fact explanation of what had happened and asserted that “pedo guy” was a clear accusation of sexual activity with children. Arguing for the defense, Spiro took a different approach. This was “an argument between two men,” he said, with “insults understood as insults, not literal statements of fact.” He even had a nice acronym for the main offending tweet: JDART, a “joking, deleted, apologized for, responsive tweet.”

After opening arguments, Musk arrived, entering court accompanied by four guards to take the stand. Elevated in the witness box, he spoke with a halting, childish nervousness, crossing and uncrossing his arms and pursing his lips as the plaintiff’s lead attorney, L. Lin Wood, began his questioning.

“Twitter is a free-for-all where there’s all sorts of things that sort of aren’t true, untrue, half-true, uh, where people engage in sort of verbal combat effectively,” Musk said. “Uh, yeah. I mean, there’s everything on Twitter.”

There was a Trumpian quality to Musk’s answers that recalled what his former business partner Peter Thiel said about then-candidate before the 2016 presidential election: Take him “seriously, but not literally.” Musk has used his Twitter seriously, and the company listed the account as a source for information in a 2013 financial filing. He frequently publishes projections for Tesla. But any reasonable sampling of his tweets would also include dumb jokes, memes, and the conversational detritus for which Twitter is known. That stuff is often a convenient foundation for the “I was just joking” defense used by so many people walking back missteps on the modern web. It certainly was for Musk.

“Just as he was using an idiomatic phrase, and I assume he did not literally mean to sodomize me with a submarine, then I also did not literally mean he was a pedophile,” he said. “I just meant he was a creep.”

As Wood — an experienced defamation lawyer who had represented the likes of wrongly accused Atlanta Olympics security guard Richard Jewell and casino magnate Sheldon Adelson — tried to pin responsibility on Musk, the billionaire dodged, his voice soft against the attorney’s aggressive Georgian drawl: Are you one of the most influential people in the world? Not really, the president didn’t take my advice to remain in the Paris climate accords. Do you choose your words carefully for the public? Not everything I say is thoughtful. Do you have a large number of public relations professionals who work for you? I have no PR team personally, and we don’t really have much of a public relations team at Tesla.

The journalists covering the trial looked up quizzically. Some had corresponded with Tesla communications members in recent weeks. In the galley, a staffer, who had fielded press requests for Musk’s tunneling startup and served as his de facto handler for the trial, watched, unblinking.

While BuzzFeed News interviewed former staffers at Tesla and SpaceX for a May 2018 story about Musk’s combative relationship with the press, many people remarked on his thin skin. Some of them recalled being woken up in the middle of the night to respond to a blog post or tweet critical of a Musk company. On the stand, Musk admitted to having a Google alert for his own name to track headlines about himself. Others noted that Musk sometimes tweeted about unfinished features or plans that hadn’t been shared, forcing fire drills to finish or manage them. “He tweets it, therefore it is,” a former staffer told one of my colleagues, while we were reporting the story.

Musk’s claim that “pedo guy” was not an accusation of pedophilia came 13 months after his tweet, and four months before the trial. When he deleted the insult a few hours after posting it on July 15, 2018, he didn’t claim it was a joke or benign. In a tweet a few days later, the Tesla chief only said he had written the words “in anger” and that Unsworth’s criticism did “not justify my actions against him.”

But at his pretrial deposition in August 2019, Musk began claiming that the phrase was from his South African upbringing, a slang term for a “creepy old white guy.” He would continue that argument on the stand, telling Wood he hadn’t explained the meaning of his tweets before August because no one had asked him.

Three people who worked with Musk in July 2018 and spoke with me on the condition of anonymity said they had had never heard the Tesla CEO use that argument prior to his deposition. Online, a number of South Africans also disagreed with the notion that “pedo guy” was slang, while reporters found little evidence that it was a common phrase in the country or anywhere else on the internet. Urban Dictionary’s first entry for “pedo guy” didn’t appear until after Musk’s tweets.

As an argument for Musk’s defense, characterizing “pedo guy” as a playground insult seemed shaky at best, ludicrous at worst. Either way, it was an opportunity for Wood to knock some wind out of the defendant. But he rarely seemed to land a solid punch. At times, he stumbled with his own evidence, misreading emails or demonstrating a poor understanding of the mechanics of Twitter. On more than a few occasions, his argumentative exchanges with Musk resulted in objections from Spiro and reprimands from the judge, who became increasingly hostile to the plaintiff’s attorney as the trial wore on.

“I suggest that you call people you know in Thailand, find out what’s actually going on and stop defending child rapists, you fucking asshole.”

One of Wood’s biggest failures was his inability to speak to Wilson’s directive on whether “a reasonable person” would interpret Musk’s “pedo guy” insult as an accusation of pedophilia. No evidence or witnesses were brought in to dispute the notion that the phrase was common in South Africa or on the internet prior to Musk using it. And while Wood later brought in an academic as an expert witness to testify to how many headlines the phrase had generated around the world, Spiro neutered the evidence in pretrial motions and prevented the witness from talking about their impact. No specific articles showing how news outlets interpreted the tweets were allowed by the judge either.

It seemed to be an oversight, more so given Wood’s decision to pursue Unsworth’s claim on Musk’s tweets, and not on other potentially damning communications that had been offered as supplementary evidence. The plaintiff’s attorneys presented those communications in court, but Wilson advised the jury it could only be used to help assess Musk’s state of mind.

As Wood started to read that evidence — including an email in which Musk suggested Unsworth was a “child rapist” who took a 12-year-old bride — into the record, I felt a few gazes shift in my direction. One of Unsworth’s lawyers turned and gave me a weak smile, which I pretended not to notice as I scribbled notes. Musk had written the emails to me.

“I suggest that you call people you know in Thailand, find out what’s actually going on and stop defending child rapists, you fucking asshole.”

The opening words of Musk’s email to me were so confusing that I checked the sender twice to make sure it was actually from him. It was only the second email he’d ever sent me. I had never met the billionaire nor talked to him on the phone; save for a few trolling interactions on Twitter, I had not interacted with him prior to this email chain.

I reached out Aug. 29, 2018, after Musk had wondered aloud on Twitter why Unsworth hadn’t sued him yet over his “pedo guy” comment. That morning, I had learned an attorney for Unsworth had sent Musk a letter earlier that month suggesting he would take legal action if he didn’t properly apologize, and I sought comment. In an email with the subject “BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter,” I asked about the “British diver” in the second sentence.

“Have you actually done any research at all?” Musk responded. “For example, you incorrectly state that he is a diver, which shows that you know essentially nothing and have not even bothered to research basic facts.”

I brushed off his criticism, which didn’t answer the basics of my inquiry around the letter. I sent him a response noting that Unsworth had done some cave diving in the past and again asked for comment. When he didn’t reply, I tried again the next day. He replied shortly thereafter on Aug. 30 in a diatribe he prefaced with “off the record” — a term we had not previously discussed or agreed to.

Sometimes people think the words “off the record” are a magic command and, once uttered, immediately go into effect to hide what comes after. But in reality, a journalist and their source have to both agree to that condition before it can be established. Musk and I did not.

Inbox

From: Ryan Mac To: Elon Musk

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Aug 29, 2018, at 7:40 AM, Ryan Mac wrote:

Hi Elon,

Ryan from BuzzFeed News here. We’re reporting a story out about you receiving a letter from a lawyer representing British diver Vernon Unsworth. The letter, dated August 6, was sent to your Los Angeles home and discusses potential legal proceedings against you for libel.

Given the Twitter conversation yesterday, I was hoping you could talk about the letter and whether you had seen it yet. I’m happy to chat on the phone if you want to call me at [redacted].

Best,

Inbox

From: Elon Musk To: Ryan Mac

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Wed, Aug 29, 2018 at 8:38 AM, Elon Musk wrote:

Have you actually done any research at all? For example, you incorrectly state that he is a diver, which shows that you know essentially nothing and have not even bothered to research basic facts.

Inbox

From: Ryan Mac To: Elon Musk

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Wed, Aug 29, 2018 at 9:06 AM, Ryan Mac wrote:

Hey Elon, thanks for getting back. Actually he prefers to be called a “spelunker” and we’ve confirmed that he actually does do cave diving. But do you have any comment on the letter your received?

Inbox

From: Ryan Mac To: Elon Musk

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Aug 30, 2018, at 6:07 PM, Ryan Mac wrote:

Hey Elon, just wanted to make sure I did my due diligence to research basic facts and follow up here.

Inbox

From: Elon Musk To: Ryan Mac

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Thu, Aug 30, 2018 at 6:43 PM, Elon Musk wrote:

Off the record

I suggest that you call people you know in Thailand, find out what’s actually going on and stop defending child rapists, you fucking asshole. He’s an old, single white guy from England who’s been traveling to or living in Thailand for 30 to 40 years, mostly Pattaya Beach, until moving to Chiang Rai for a child bride who was about 12 years old at the time. There’s only one reason people go to Pattaya Beach. It isn’t where you’d go for caves, but it is where you’d go for something else. Chiang Rai is renowned for child sex-trafficking.

He may claim to know how to cave dive, but he wasn’t on the cave dive rescue team and most of the actual dive team refused to hang out with him. I wonder why …

https://www.google.com/search?q=chiang+rai+child+trafficking&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari

As for this alleged threat of a lawsuit, which magically appeared when I raised the issue (nothing was sent or raised beforehand), I fucking hope he sues me.

Inbox

From: Elon Musk To: Ryan Mac

Subject: Letters

On Thu, Aug 30, 2018 at 7:16 PM, Elon Musk wrote:

On background

Unsworth also said I was asked to leave by the Thai govt, which is utterly false. Thai Prime Minister thanked me personally per attached docs. I went all the way to area 3 with the Thai SEAL team, who were awesome. Never saw Unsworth at any point. Was told he was banned from the site.

It is also total bs that the mini-sub wouldn’t fit through the caves. It was designed and built to specifications provided to me directly by Stanton and the actual dive team. The only reason it wasn’t used was that they were able to drain almost all the water out of the caves, so the underwater portion was very short, and the monsoon arrived later than expected.

Those pumps were critical. Some of the Tesla team helped with electrical power, but major credit to whoever provided those pumps. They were amazing. I’m told they were from some company in India.

Inbox

From: Ryan Mac To: Elon Musk

Subject: BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Tue, Sep 4, 2018 at 8:47 AM, Ryan Mac wrote:

Hi Elon,

I didn’t agree for the conversation to be off the record, but appreciate the response. To follow up, I’ve tried to report out some of these accusations on my own but have not found anything to corroborate the claims. Are you able to share anything that you’ve found about Vernon Unsworth? Do you have any evidence or documentation showing he took a 12-year-old child bride, that he is a child rapist, or that he was kicked off the rescue site, as you stated in your other email? Also are you able to share your correspondence with Rick Stanton showing your discussion of the submarine specs?

With regards to your statement about the legal threat not coming up until you raised the issue on Twitter, the legal letter was dated on Aug. 6 and sent to your Los Angeles home and to one of your SpaceX emails. Did you not see the letter prior to your tweets?

Thank you, Ryan

Inbox

From: Ryan Mac To: Elon Musk

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Sep 4, 2018, at 12:22 PM, Ryan Mac wrote:

Hi Elon,

While I’d rather chat on the record, I’m happy to go off record with you moving forward so you can answer specific questions regarding the allegations you’ve made.

Thanks, Ryan

Inbox

From: Elon Musk To: Ryan Mac

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Sep 4, 2018, at 1:05 PM, Elon Musk wrote:

Off the record

If you don’t respect “off the record”, there is no going forward. Off the record means off the record.

Inbox

From: Elon Musk To: Ryan Mac

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Sep 4, 2018, at 1:18 PM, Elon Musk wrote:

Off the record

I suggest you ask Unsworth to describe his whole ~30 year history of visiting Thailand. What was he doing in Pattaya Beach for the better part of a decade when there are no caves of note in the area?

Inbox

From: Ryan Mac To: Elon Musk

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Sep 4, 2018, at 5:30 PM, Ryan Mac wrote:

Hey Elon,

I’m sure you’ve seen the story at this point. Still happy to talk with you on whatever terms you want as long as we set them beforehand. Let me know if you want to do a phone call.

Best, R

Inbox

From: Elon Musk To: Ryan Mac

BuzzFeed News: Unsworth legal letter

On Sep 4, 2018, at 5:31 PM, Elon Musk wrote:

Get lost, you creep

“I suggest that you call people you know in Thailand, find out what’s actually going on and stop defending child rapists, you fucking asshole,” Musk wrote. “He’s an old, single white guy from England who’s been traveling to or living in Thailand for 30 to 40 years, mostly Pattaya Beach, until moving to Chiang Rai for a child bride who was about 12 years old at the time. There’s only one reason people go to Pattaya Beach. It isn’t where you’d go for caves, but it is where you’d go for something else. Chiang Rai is renowned for child sex-trafficking.”

He included a link to a Google search for “chiang rai child trafficking” and ended his message by suggesting the Aug. 6 letter from Unsworth’s lawyer was a response to his tweet the day before.

“As for this alleged threat of a lawsuit, which magically appeared when I raised the issue (nothing was sent or raised beforehand), I fucking hope he sues me,” he concluded.

I read the emails again and texted my editors: “Holy shit.”

Less than an hour later, he emailed again. This time he topped his message with “on background,” suggesting he thought I could use the material if it wasn’t attributed to him. Again, we had no prior agreement. Attached to the email was a signed letter from the Thai prime minister thanking Musk for the construction of the mini sub.

“Unsworth also said I was asked to leave by the Thai govt, which is utterly false,” Musk wrote. “Thai Prime Minister thanked me personally per attached docs. I went all the way to area 3 with the Thai SEAL team, who were awesome. Never saw Unsworth at any point. Was told he was banned from the site.”

My editors and I discussed Musk’s messages and determined they were fair game to publish. They were newsworthy — showing a powerful billionaire setting out to destroy a man over some offhand criticism. And, without an established agreement between reporter and subject, they were on the record, as Musk, who’s had decades’ worth of press encounters, should have known. More importantly, the billionaire seemed to be alleging Unsworth was a pedophile without a shred of supporting evidence. He was essentially suggesting I investigate his tip.

We spent Labor Day weekend reporting on Musk’s claims. We spoke to rescuers who’d worked with Unsworth, including some who swam some of the boys out of the cave. We interviewed Rick Stanton, the British diver who had corresponded with Musk. We reached out to government officials in the United Kingdom and Thailand and tracked down Unsworth’s social media accounts. Eventually, I tracked down the Facebook page for the business of Unsworth’s partner, Woranan “Tik” Ratrawiphukkun, who confirmed to me that she was Unsworth’s longtime girlfriend. Calling him “Vern,” she said they had dated seven years, something supported by photos of them together on their Facebook and Instagram accounts. She was 40, she said. And when asked about Musk’s tweets, Tik declined to comment, telling me to talk to Unsworth’s lawyers.

By the morning of Sept. 4, we had finished our story. I reached out to Musk to offer him a chance to comment on our reporting.

“We haven’t had a conversation at all,” Musk replied.” “If you want to publish off the record comments and destroy your journalistic credibility, that’s up to you.”

We published our article later that day, despite a Tesla spokesperson’s efforts to kill it. Unsworth officially sued Musk for defamation two weeks later, using Musk’s tweets and his emails to me as the basis of his complaint. Discovery in the case would later surface an email sent to an adviser at the time in which Musk described himself as “a fucking idiot” for messaging a reporter without establishing an off-the-record agreement first.

Still, the fact that he sent the emails, a move so sloppy and risky, never sat right with me, and I never understood where he was coming from. It wasn’t until after months of legal motions and discovery that the shady origins of those accusations became clear.

In July 2018, a man identifying himself as James Howard emailed Musk’s personal assistant claiming to be a private investigator, according to court documents. “You may want to dig deep into Mr. Unsworth[‘s] past to prepare for his defamation claim,” the mysterious sender wrote in a note that was forwarded to Musk’s chief of staff. “No smoke without fire!”

The following month, after Wood had sent Unsworth’s initial legal threat, Musk directed Jared Birchall, the head of his family office, to retain Howard, who had subsequently claimed to have worked for billionaire George Soros and the late Microsoft founder Paul Allen. Birchall hired the man and wired him some $52,000 to begin investigating Unsworth. He made no effort to verify Howard’s credentials or claims, which a BuzzFeed News investigation later found to be false. He wasn’t a PI. He was James Howard-Higgins, a convicted felon who BuzzFeed News later found had spent time in prison for defrauding his business partners.

By mid-August, Howard-Higgins was feeding Birchall dubious information and suggested he had boots on the ground tracking the caver in the UK and Thailand. “Early feedback on the target is there is indeed an unpleasant undertone to some of his lifestyle choices,” Howard-Higgins wrote in an Aug. 17, 2018, email to Birchall. “There is no question that the target ‘associates’ locally with Europeans who enjoy ‘Thai comforts’ that are not acceptable in a developed society.” In court, Wood would also show email exchanges in which Birchall asked the supposed private investigator to leak information to the UK press to sully Unsworth.

On Aug. 27, Birchall emailed Howard-Higgins requesting more explicit information about the British caver. Claiming there were “planned attacks in the media and/or a lawsuit,” he provided a list of 14 specific questions for Howard-Higgins. Among them: inquiries about a possible divorce in the UK, whether Unsworth had met “his wife” in Thailand, and whether his Thai partner was “the 10th teenage girl he met before he decided to settle.” Howard-Higgins replied with a dossier on Unsworth, which, among other things, suggested that he met his wife when she was 18 or 19. This information, according to that document, was still being verified.

But all that information was wrong. Unsworth was not married to his Thai partner, who was much older than what Howard-Higgins had suggested to Birchall. Beyond that, there was no mention of the idea that Unsworth had taken a 12-year-old bride, something Musk would later relay to me.

On the stand, Musk, who never directly communicated with the investigator, said he’d heard that information from Birchall. In his testimony, Birchall only said that he told Musk that Unsworth had met his partner when she was 12, not that they got married then. Regardless, there was never any physical documentation of Howard-Higgins saying that Unsworth had married or even met a 12-year-old.

“Unfortunately, it turns out we were tricked,” Musk said on the stand.

Two former Tesla executives would later tell me that Musk’s hiring of an investigator was a perfect example of his reality-warping intentions. At Tesla, sources said, Musk would often convince himself something was possible — production goals, certain self-driving capabilities, skirting legal measures — and would overrule people whose job it was to manage those tasks. Engineers were hired and fired on the basis of their ability to realize an idea that Musk had predetermined had to be possible.

“He hired the PI because he needed to make it true,” one told me. “In the end, people are just working to justify his ego rather than anything else.”

They also explained Musk’s thought process for emailing me unsubstantiated claims about Unsworth. Musk, the executive said, would sometimes seed information to a third party, like a credulous journalist who might publish it in a story. In turn, he would endorse and share that story with millions of followers, creating a feedback loop of reinforcing opinions.

As the evidence mounted ahead of the trial, Musk refused to give in to what he later termed a “shakedown.” Though he wrangled with a Securities and Exchange Commission probe into his Tesla privatization fiasco, a National Labor Relations Board case on Tesla illegally discouraging workers from organizing, and a NASA safety investigation prompted by him smoking weed during an interview, Musk fought the lawsuit over a 15-month period. During that time, three general counsels and at least three top communications staffers left Tesla. He even fired the first law firm he had hired for the Unsworth case.

Because Musk’s emails to me were part of Unsworth’s initial complaint, I also became entangled in the case. Both sides requested my deposition, and Musk’s requests seemed particularly invasive, asking questions that seemed to get at my newsgathering process and relationships with sources. At one point a process server showed up at BuzzFeed’s San Francisco office while I wasn’t there and sat in our entryway until an editor threatened to call the police.

BuzzFeed News successfully fought off Musk’s subpoena, while Unsworth eventually dropped his. Following that, the plaintiff’s lawyers — who had spent much of the year attempting to build a case partially on Musk’s emails to me — decided they would not use them in court as grounds for defamation, opting to instead sue only over his “pedo guy” tweets.

It was a puzzling choice, abandoning what some experts thought were Musk’s most defamatory statements about the plaintiff. Perhaps Wood had determined Musk’s statements to me hadn’t reached as wide an audience as his original tweets did. Perhaps they worried a discussion about what “on the record” and “off the record” mean would add too much complexity. Wood later declined to answer questions about his legal strategy.

Bloomberg / Getty Images

Vernon Unsworth stands outside the federal courthouse in Los Angeles, Dec. 6, 2019.

If Musk is the megalomaniac billionaire who dreams of colonizing Mars (and dying there), Unsworth is his antithesis. A quiet man most at home exploring the depths of the Earth, the Brit was unknown until summoned to help the Thai boys soccer team. His public persona since has been defined by media coverage of the rescue, the fallout from the fateful 43-second CNN interview clip, and the few images of him that exist on wire services and are reused with every article. But when I spoke with him at length after the trial he came a bit more into focus.

The first time we spoke, in the presence of one of his lawyers the day after the trial, I expected to find a defeated man. Instead, Unsworth was bright, if not enthusiastic, chiming in to fill the gaps of his lawyer’s laments and exuding a certain Englishness by saying he’d “take the result on the chin.” He appeared happy it was over.

Our conversations, which continued over the phone, countered the image of the rough, emotionless exterior Unsworth displayed in court. We spoke and texted about his interests: his love of caving and Tham Luang; the incredible undefeated streak of his favorite soccer team, Liverpool; and his optimism for Brexit now that the Conservative Party was in control. His texts were liberally punctuated with prayer hands and laughing-crying face emojis that made it feel like I was communicating with an overly enthusiastic teen. But when we talked, it was mainly about the trial, and his worries that the defense’s portrayal would cast doubt on his heroic efforts.

“That’s not going to go away,” he said. “The pedo tag is always there. … It’s still difficult to understand why the jury got it so wrong.”

During one of our calls, I Googled Unsworth’s name. The first result was a Dec. 7 article from the Sun titled “Who Is Vernon Unsworth? Thailand Cave Diver Dubbed ‘Paedo Guy’ By Elon Musk.” He sighed when I read it aloud.

“That’s not going to go away,” he said. “The pedo tag is always there. … It’s still difficult to understand why the jury got it so wrong.”

The trial had been particularly difficult for Unsworth. Though he didn’t pay for legal representation — Wood took the case on contingency and funded it with more than $400,000 from his firm’s coffers — the personal cost was quite high. On the stand, the Brit had his personal life exposed and interrogated. He was questioned about his estranged wife and daughter who make up his broken family. And the UK tabloids, who sent staffers to cover every moment of the trial, wrote at length about his life in Thailand with his new partner, Tik.

Defense attorneys also read unflattering texts into the record in which Unsworth disparaged the Thai Navy SEALs for their incompetence. They misrepresented a satirical YouTube video created by a friend to portray him as a fame-seeker hungry for movie deals and diminished his crucial contributions to the cave rescue. Unsworth wasn’t a hero, lead defense attorney Alex Spiro suggested, the true heroes were the divers.

On the stand, Unsworth appeared unprepared for what seemed an obvious and important line of questioning. The caver said he felt “humiliated, ashamed, dirty” by Musk’s label, which he called “a life sentence without parole.” There were times he felt vulnerable, he added, his voice cracking: “I have good days and I have bad days.”

But when Spiro pressed him on that, Unsworth stumbled. Had he sought out a therapist to help temper his emotional anguish? Had Musk’s insult caused him to lose any jobs or friends? Did he discuss it with his family? “I bottled it up,” he said on the stand.

The defense painted Unsworth as a man unharmed by the insult and instead widely lauded in the months following the rescue. In the trial, they showed photographs and videos of Unsworth being congratulated by the UK prime minister, palling with Thai government officials, and smiling while Prince William pinned him with an MBE, an appointment to the Order of the British Empire. It was calculated and effective. If the defense was going to lose the argument around the semantics of “pedo guy,” it would at the very least try to limit damages.

Unsworth’s lawyers, on the other hand, called no witnesses who could have proven Musk’s words harmed their client’s reputation. Wood played a video deposition of Unsworth’s estranged wife seemingly to establish sympathy for the plaintiff, but it only ended up showcasing a broken marriage. And he never called Tik, who could have corroborated his claims of pain and anguish. Spiro called no witnesses for the defense.

After the case concluded, Unsworth bristled at the efforts from the defense to belittle his contributions, including one moment where he had been asked by an attorney whether or not he felt like he needed to apologize to Musk. He spoke of how he and Tik had been investigated by four different sets of Thai authorities, including immigration police, following Musk’s tweets. Unsworth also recalled his embarrassment when Prince William mentioned the altercation during the MBE ceremony.

It’s hard to say if those anecdotes would have made a difference, but it’s worth noting that none of the four jurors I interviewed after the trial found Unsworth to be a particularly sympathetic figure. Two of them agreed with the defense’s position that this was an argument between two men and that Unsworth had started it with his remark on CNN. All four said the caver’s team had done little to establish harm, with one calling that failure the “nail in the coffin for his case.” Another said that they viewed both men, the Brit and the billionaire, as heroes caught up in a juvenile spat.

“That’s where they’re wrong,” Unsworth said. “None of us rescuers or divers — none of us — regard ourselves as heroes. So why is Elon Musk a hero? Look up in the dictionary the definition of ‘hero.’ He’s not done anything that’s worthy of hero status.

“But if there is a hero of either one of us, I’d hope that arrow be pointed at me.”

Mark J. Terrill / AP

Musk (right) arrives at the federal courthouse in Los Angeles, Dec. 3, 2019.

Musk was playing The Battle Of Polytopia — a mobile game “about ruling the world, fighting evil AI tribes, discovering new lands and mastering new technologies” — when I ran into him in the elevator on the day of the verdict. I hadn’t seen him in court since the day of his testimony.

“Are you allowed to talk about the case?” I asked.

“No.”

“Are you going to sit for the jury verdict?”

“I… I think so,” he stammered, clearly miffed at being distracted from his mobile game. The elevator door opened before I could follow up, and Musk’s guards cut me off as he exited. I’m still not sure if he knew who I was.

Outside the room, Wood seemed nervous. A day earlier, the Georgia lawyer held court with reporters, twirling a Juul between his fingers as he spoke. “Vernon Unsworth wants a verdict, and we’re going to get him a one, good or bad,” he remarked — an odd thing to say about a case he had taken on contingency. Then he told us he planned to retire at his lake house following the jury’s decision.

Wood was more on message during his closing arguments. With the manner of a Southern Baptist preacher, he declared the rescue of the Thai soccer team “a miracle from God” and compared Musk’s tweets to “a nuclear bomb” that decimated Unsworth and created fallout that would affect him for years to come. He told the jury of his commitment to Unsworth and his faith in the rule of law. He suggested Musk became involved in the cave rescue because “publicity drives attention, attention drives investors” — a remark that certainly went over well with the Tesla critics who’d begun following him on Twitter. He was ruddy with passion; at one point, Wilson asked him to keep his emotions in check. Then it got personal.

“Elon Musk is a liar,” Wood said. “How do I know it? I don’t know Elon Musk. I’ve seen him in his deposition. I’ve seen him a couple of times in the courtroom. He walked by me. I’ve never shaken Elon Musk’s hand. He refused to shake my hand.”

Wood never managed to explain just why he thought Musk was a liar, but the billionaire certainly has a propensity for playing fast and loose with the truth — I’d heard this endlessly from former employees, confidants, and investors. But had Musk lied in court? His legal team’s retelling of events was certainly generous, but if there had been a truly egregious falsehood on the stand, I hadn’t heard it. And Wood had never flagged it. The jury seemed unmoved by his hand-waving.

Wood’s request for damages evoked a similar, if not worse, response. With a giant marker, he wrote a bunch of numbers on a large white poster board: for actual damages, defined as the suffering the plaintiff had experienced, $5 million. For assumed damages, the hypothetical harm the plaintiff could have endured from the defendant’s reckless words, $35 million. And for punitive damages, the amount intended to discourage a man worth tens of billions of dollars from doing this again, $150 million.

“I have bad days too, but I don’t walk around saying people should give me $2 million.”

I saw one juror struggling to conceal a smirk as Wood wrote out the total. $190 million was an extraordinary number. Had it been granted, it would have been one of the largest-ever awards given in an individual defamation case.

The sum did not go over well with the jury. After the trial, a number of jurors told me they couldn’t understand those eye-popping numbers, particularly with no clear evidence of harm. “I couldn’t put a dollar amount on ‘I have good days and bad days,’” one said. “I have bad days too, but I don’t walk around saying people should give me $2 million.” Another said the jury considered ruling against Musk and then awarding a symbolic $1 to Unsworth.

Outside the courtroom, there was a similar reaction; impressions of the British caver had soured. Twitter users worried about the optics of asking for that much money, while some found Unsworth to be a money-grubber. On a message board used by the Brits living in Thailand — an online community that Unsworth sometimes frequented — members debated the request. “Guilty but not $200m guilty,” wrote one person.

Damages had been Wood’s call, according to the cave rescuer. But for Unsworth, who makes £25,000 a year as a financial adviser, they made sense. How do you sanction a man with seemingly unlimited resources? Any number that sought punitive recourse against a billionaire is going to look preposterous, and they had to outline something for the jury. “[The money] wouldn’t have affected Musk anyway,” Unsworth told me.

Musk’s legal team used the damages request as a cudgel. Noting the reaction in the courtroom, Spiro mocked the sum in his closing argument. “And all of a sudden I hear numbers being thrown out like this is The Price Is Right or something,” he quipped. “They certainly weren’t wedded to any evidence.”

That argument seemed to resonate with the jury, as did a series of rhetorical questions delivered with a steady cadence. “Where’s Tik?” Spiro asked again and again, a reminder that Unsworth hadn’t even called his partner to testify about the emotional and mental impact of Musk’s remark. Then there was contrition: “Listen, Mr. Musk apologized. He doesn’t like those tweets. The shareholders didn’t like the tweets. Elon’s mom didn’t like the tweets. But he didn’t say that this nameless dude committed the crime of pedophilia.”

That last line, an almost throwaway point barely discussed in the days prior ended up being the killshot. Musk’s tweet didn’t mention Unsworth by name, Spiro explained. If the “reasonable person” Wilson described in his instructions to the jury stumbled across Musk’s tweets, how would they know whom he was talking about?

“In no way did I think that the Musk tweet was justified or fair — but on the other hand, well, he didn’t mention Unsworth,” juror Carl Shusterman told me. An immigration lawyer who had admitted during jury selection that he owned two Teslas, Shusterman said that the group of eight considered all of the judge’s five criteria. But once they agreed the average person wouldn’t understand the tweet was about the caver, they had their verdict.

It took less than an hour. They barely had time to finish lunch.

I struggled to understand the logic. If the tweets were analyzed in a vacuum without any context, sure, a reasonable person might have no idea who Musk was writing about. But beyond that vacuum is context accessible within seconds — thousands of news articles and videos, innumerable tweets, and the biggest search engine in the world tying the words “pedo guy” to Unsworth’s name in perpetuity. Spiro’s assertion was convincing on some level, but it was also preposterous. The jury’s decision seemed to be a fundamental misunderstanding of how people use the internet.

“This was a great ‘internet isn’t real life’ moment,” Ken White, a First Amendment lawyer who blogs as Popehat, told me a few weeks after the case. “What people online think is obvious and self-evident … is not how people in the courtroom see it. People were frequently shocked that there was any potential defense of the case, and they felt so strongly about these things that they mistook those feelings for law.”

Mark J. Terrill / AP

Musk arrives at the US district courthouse in Los Angeles, Dec. 4, 2019.

Musk left the courtroom visibly smug. “My faith in humanity is restored,” he said to a scrum of reporters before disappearing into an elevator surrounded by his security team. That night, Tesla’s general counsel quit — the third to do so in a year. A few days later, Musk blocked me and a handful of other journalists on Twitter.

In the weeks that followed, a buoyant Musk would take to the streets of Los Angeles in his Cybertruck prototype, hang out with Kanye West and the Kardashians, and pal around with presidential hopeful Andrew Yang. He celebrated Tesla’s stock hitting an all-time high with memes about $420, the weed-associated number associated with his attempt to take the company private in 2018. January saw him dancing enthusiastically onstage at a Shanghai factory that became the first to manufacture Model 3s in China. Tesla’s market capitalization recently surpassed the $100 billion mark.

But those who know Musk say they’re not sure the billionaire and his car company will be able to maintain this momentum. “In his mind, he’s emerged unscathed — ‘Tesla’s stock price is up and I’m still in my job’ — but if there’s any one word for that stock, it’s ‘volatility,’” one former executive said. “It just looks like good news because it’s contrasted against a past avalanche of bad news.”

“I hope I am wrong about him. I hope he takes people to Mars one day.”

Another person, this one more of a Musk optimist, worried this legal victory would only supercharge one of the billionaire’s most difficult-to-wrangle instincts. “The lawsuit reinforced what he believes is his best strategy: ‘When everyone else is telling me not to do it, I’m going to do it,’” they said.

A week after the trial’s conclusion, Wood inexplicably tweeted an observation that seemed to contradict the arguments he had made in federal court. “The verdict in Unsworth v. Musk spoke the truth,” the lawyer wrote. “While written as possible libel, Elon Musk only intended an insult. Thus, no factual statements were intended. Truth removes any question marks as to Vern’s reputation. Truth wins. So do both parties.”

As critics promptly hammered Wood online and suggested he had left his client out to dry, I wondered if he had just become the latest person to buy into Musk’s reality distortion field. So I asked him whether he still felt the same way about Musk.

“His image has been built to a level that only the most serious of charges could shatter it,” Wood wrote to me. “I hope I am wrong about him. I hope he takes people to Mars one day. But I know what I learned from the evidence.”

I closed Wood’s message and opened my email account. As I did, I saw a reminder to follow up on a note a few days earlier. I had sent it on the final day of the trial, in the blurry hours after the jury let Musk off the hook. “Hey Elon, any thoughts on the verdict?” I had written. He never responded, on or off the record. ●

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