#the second verse softest thing every

[anime-academia]

Apparently only 3% of South Africans know the national symbols and like only half of them know anything about said fauna and flora. This is so South African of us fr <3

[nolita-fairytale]

Carmy as Your Baby Daddy | Social Media AU & Headcanon Series | part one

masterlist | part two now that i've finished my top gun: maverick series, it's me i'm back and gearing up for season two. after a bout of food poisoning, i finally cracked and am writing this pregnancy headcanon that i said i wouldn't bc my ovaries would explode (looking at you @allthefandomstogether). anyways, a huge thank you to @carmensberzattos who pinged many an ideas back and forth about carmy as your baby daddy and screamed into the abyss about this on a friday night. i'm writing this with my main character from the make your heart surrender-verse, but can absolutely read as a standalone piece. posting now because i'm so damn excited but i may go back and add some more things later.

oh and this a headcanon series now so. that part.

carmy as your baby daddy:

sometime after the wedding, you and carmy decide that you're ready to start a family. you're not trying but you're not not trying, meaning you've gone off of birth control but you're not carefully monitoring your ovulation cycle either. you both figure that it'll happen when it happens and if it doesn't, there are many other ways to make a family.

carmy never really thought about having kids until the two of you got together. after adopting your kitty together, carmy got to see a your more nurturing side and taking care of something together as a team made him think about how much he wants a family with you. after sugar has her baby it really ups the ante. seeing carmy become an uncle is what starts the conversation about seriously starting a family, and every time carmy sees you holding the baby, it's 'when our kids this, and when our kids that' for days after.

you swear it's food poisoning. after a somewhat questionable late night meal, you spend half the night vomiting while carmy works a later night at the restaurant. you text him to bring ginger ale and tums home. of course he comes through because are you kidding this man is a caretaker?!

you insist that you're fine and much better, even though you're absolutely exhausted. things are so busy at work for you (and have i mentioned the pregnancy fatigue) that you don't think much of it when a few nights later, you find yourself kneeling on the bathroom floor once again.

there are always little kids running around at the extended family gatherings and which led to your realization (when you first met everyone) that carmy is surprisingly good with kids.

it's not till a week or two later (after your little bout of 'food poisoning') that you're at cicero's place for a family birthday party that it hits you. one of carmy's cousins (not richie kind of cousin teehee) has just had a new baby with his wife. you've been catching up with ava, richie's daughter because you've become an auntie of sorts to her. you find some time to steal away for a some girl-time but when you return, carmy is holding his new niece/nephew in his arms.

the sight of him holding the baby not only takes your goddamn breath away as he stares long and hard your way, his blue eyes piercing right through your heart, but it's then that you realize that you're a few weeks late. it's like time stops as you look at him, seeing him coo at the baby with the softest look on his face. the realization hits you, clear as day.

"holy shit." is all you say, earning a few funny looks from the berzatto extended family and friends. "carm, can i borrow you for a second?" you and carmy find a quiet place to talk inside. "you okay, babe?" "carmy i think i'm-. what if i-. i'm late." "what do you-? like.. late late?" "now that i think about it, a few weeks late, honey." "yeah?" he asks you, totally in shock and eyes wide. "yeah."

the two of you make an excuse to leave the party as soon as possible, and hurry to the nearest drugstore to pick up a pregnancy test. you wait till you're home to take it. "do you want me to come in, sweetheart?" "no, carmy! i don't want you to watch me pee, you weirdo!" you answer, even though you know he's just excited.

the two of you are pacing back and forth, practically making dents in the floor with your footsteps for what feels like the longest two minutes of your lives. when your timer goes off, you're both simultaneously freaking out about the fact that you're lives are about to change forever, while also really, really hoping for a positive result. and as the fates would have it, the test is positive.

"holy shit. holy fucking shit. we're- you're-, we're gonna-!" carmy is ecstatic as searches for words. "we're having a baby, baby!" you squeal jumping into his arms." "god, i love you so much," he says, grinning at you as wrap your legs around his waist. "i love you too, carm. so, so much."

you literally get the biggest kick out of calling him your baby daddy: to friends and family, coworkers, random strangers, in restaurants, at the gas station. you'll take photos of him at the farmers market and post on your ig story referring to him as your baby daddy because you find it hilarious. carmy doesn't find it as funny (even though he secretly loves it) and he's cherry-tomato red when you tell the checkout clerk at the bodega across the street from your place that your baby daddy is going to pick up the tab.

everyone at the restaurant is so excited for you! even richie cries a little when you tell him the news. you hadn't really gotten close to richie until ava grew super attached to you, which opened up a whole new avenue and understanding for your friendship with richie.

ever since you found out you were pregnant, carmy always has bread and ginger ale on hand for your morning sickness. he started making you your favorite soft scrambled eggs with toast, but the chives have been way too strong of a flavor for a sensitive tummy. it's slowly become eggs & toast and then just... toast, which you promptly apologize for stripping away any kind of artistic freedom he may have previously had.

you get near compulsive cravings for certain foods, and carmy is always ready to throw on a jacket and run across the street when you get midnight cravings.

carmy hates seeing how tumultuous pregnancy has been during your first trimester. he's always ready with a hair tie or a glass of water for when you're done throwing up. okay hear me out: but carmy starting to wear hair ties because he wants to always have one ready for you. he'll even take off a morning with you or call your workplace if you need a sick day just so that he can take care of you. even if you don't need care, he just wants to spend time with you and be there for you while you go through it.

we already know that carmy is an acts of service king. he is the tenderest, most gentle partner and wants to be as helpful as possible. if you're sick, he wants to make you feel better. if the pregnancy hormones are raging against the machine, he's more than happy to let you be upset, or get you off by any means if the hormones go that way too. he'll sit on the bathroom floor with you and rub your back until you need to vomit again. he'll give you the best morning head of your life. he'll run a bath for you when you need one. he checks in every hour on the hour in your first trimester, which you appreciate, but eventually have to ask him to chill the fuck out.

speaking of physical changes, the pregnancy boobs are ELITE. carmy is always there to make you feel beautiful despite your rapidly changing body, esp when your clothes start fitting differently.

the first time your bump starts showing and you point it out to him, carmy cries. or maybe he notices it first and he's just like... weeping and you're like: babe r u ok? and then you realize that you're showing and carmy is kneeling and admiring your baby bump and now you're crying. sorry, but i don't make the rules it's just a fact that this is how it would go down.

carmy is so emotional about this because he realizes that he finally gets to build the family he didn't have and he gets to build it with you.

well this just hijacked my writing plans oops. part two will be more 'you & carmy pregnancy things' and part three will be birth & post-birth.

tagging my carmy taglist in the comments below!

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Choking On Truth

Red Leather and Running Mouths

Danger's Bitch

Soda, Cigarettes, and Broken Glass

Broken Doll

Bitch Barbie Cooties and Golden Fountains

Fuzzy Gazes and Bruising Grips

Dom x Colson (Yungblud x Machine Gun Kelly)

Warnings: top (sub) Col, bottom (dom) Dom, needy boys, rough sex, anal sex, degradation, insults, topping from the bottom, nervous Dom, multiple orgasms, bruises, slapping, rough play, refusing to admit feelings, dumb boys, teasing, unsafe sex, too much lube, size kink, body worship, Dom being a contortionist, lots of admiring and a little fluff 🚬 rating: explicit af

Dom was shaking. He was standing in his lover's bedroom, water from their shower drying on his skin as he watched the older man watch him, and he was shaking with anxiety. Colson was watching him with the softest eyes and hardest cock, those long fingers teasing over his abs as if he too was nervous and self soothing. He didn't know why the hell he was so worked up, it wasn't like he'd never been fucked. There were some Kells knew of and some he'd probably throw a bratty bitch fit if he found out about. He'd not really penetrated men himself before the rapper- it always seemed silly. If he was going to sleep with someone who could hit his prostate and make him see stars why would he waste the opportunity on using his dick?

No, the handful of men he'd been with had done exactly what was scaring him and it felt so dumb to him that he was nervous. He understood why to switch finally, every time he got to watch his best friend come alive because of him he understood why it was good to be verse but that was the one thing they hadn't done and he wasn't quite sure how to let himself. He ran a hand through his wet hair and he watched his sub's dick jerk at the way his muscles moved, his hole clenching in response. Well his body was certainly ready.

"We don't have to." The man tried to soothe and Dom rolled his eyes. After all he'd just done to make him work for it and now he was going to say something like that?

"Oh yeah? We don't 'ave to? I don't 'ave to do summat? Ya fink I don't know tha'? Wanker. Course I fucking know. But if ya need for me is so little ya can jus' let it go…" He trailed off with a growl and turned to go back in the bathroom, completely ignoring the frustrated noise his partner made.

"You're such a bitch! You know I didn't mean it that way! I was trying to help you feel better. Now get your ass back in here and on my dick! I've waited over a god damn year for it, you won't make me wait another fucking second!" For just a moment Colson was his normal self, he was the man who stood on stage and shook his hips and told girls to call him Daddy. For just a moment he felt his ego return and the cockiness came naturally but then Dom stalked back into the bedroom with a look on his face he hadn't seen since the first night he got fucked.

The punk stayed silent, his nostrils flared and his lips as thin as they could become. He wasn't shaking anymore though and that was all the man was trying to do. He had to drop his head to hide a smirk. Fuck was he in for it.

"Wha' the fuck did you jus' say to me whore? Wha' 'appened tha' made you fink you get to demand any part of me? You? You me bloody pet, you me fuck doll if you lucky and you fink you get a say? I obviously ain't taught ya well enough."

"You wanna spank me about it or do you want to see what it feels like when I wreck your fucking guts?" Kells was panting but he tried to keep his voice steady. He was terrified to talk to his Dom like he was but in a way it felt even more like when they were just friends. They used to mess with each other a lot even though he'd always been a little subby for his lover. It was obvious in interviews, he wasn't that puppy for anyone else.

Dom's brow arched and he took a deep breath. He was on fire for the bastard back talking him and felt somehow safer at the thought of letting him be top. Col wasn't just his brat, he was his best friend. His protector for years. Somehow the bitch wasn't backing down though and so he thought he'd try a different tactic. He felt his shoulders drop, his face softening to a more bored appearance. He crossed his arms and stalked closer to the bed, his hips swaying. He made sure to part his lips and tilt his head. "If you fink you can fuck me right you can try. Such big talk for a virgin." His purred words got the reaction he wanted, his love was about to explode but he started speaking again before the man could go off. "You fucked some girls sure, you the master of tha' I suppose but luv, I'm a whole new world. And I am very particular about 'ow I like it. Wha' if I fink less of yas after? Wha' if I gotta be 'onest and tell yas someone fucked me better? I don't wanna 'ear ya whining about it."

Kells fought a whimper and felt his ego dropping, that warm fuzzy feeling building in his mind that he got every time Dom degraded him. "I can do it." He almost slurred, still so gone from their shower play. His voice still rasped. He could still feel the ghost of a squeeze around his neck and every time he swallowed it made him drool from need. He crawled closer, staying as low as he could. That was his place, under his dominant.

"Oh yeah?" Dom purred, cupping his lover's cheek. He could feel how much he'd dropped him already and it was exactly what he wanted. "I dunno. Ya know 'ow it works sure but… I'm selfish when I'm getting it. I'm demanding and needy. If you don't do it right I'll be disappointed." He sighed and Kells actually snorted.

"Sorry but… how's that different from normal?" The slap across his face was worth it and he relished the burn. The next touch was soft again though and Dom pulled him closer, their breath mingling between them. "I can do it. Please?"

The singer nodded, moving even closer as if he would kiss him but he stopped short. Fuck he needed that boy more than air which he was quite sure he'd proven in their shower. When Dom went to move away a fear crept into his chest and he reached for his hand as he pushed up on his knees. The punk made a soft squeak of a noise when he was tugged back and before he could make a word of protest Colson kissed him. His hand tangled into that weirdly sexy skunk hair and he pushed his tongue past the other man's pillow lips. Their slick chests stuck together, their hearts racing. He didn't let Dom go until he was moaning and then he smirked against that gorgeous mouth. "Fine. Sit like a good boy." The boy huffed but his voice was thready and his cheeks were flushed.

Col obeyed and he crawled back to give the kid room. He watched as Dom found some lube and chunked it at him. It smacked his chest and fell to the bed and as he picked it up and popped it open, drizzling it over his shaft his lover was bouncing nervously. There was something adorable about it. "How do you want me?" He hummed, letting the viscous fluid dribble down before he smeared it around. Before he could look up he was slapped across the chest with a twirled wet towel and he shuddered, moaning low. "Thanks." His voice broke but he wiped his hands and tossed it away, he knew he probably wasn't supposed to enjoy that but he couldn't give a fuck. His lover made him enjoy everything. Dom could put all his basketball friends to shame with that thwack- fuck there was a welt already forming.

"Stay like tha', on ya knees. I'll uh-" Dominic took a breath, he knew he shouldn't be as overwhelmed as he was but he crawled into the bed and moved closer, rolling over once he reached the man. The moment the back of his thighs touched his lover's skin he jumped, he couldn't help it. Fuck if he didn't keep his walls up he didn't know what would happen. He might even say something silly. It hit him why he was so scared suddenly, he'd been fucked before but only by friends, he hadn't let a man inside him that he could see himself… feeling for. He knew how much emotion could creep up in the moment- he had a very sensitive spot and was blessed with the ability to reach multiple orgasms and he knew in that oxytocin fueled moment he might say something he never really had before.

"Hey, focus up Daddy." The voice was gentle but the touch on his plush thighs was anything but. When Kells gripped his hips and yanked him closer his train of thought vanished but his frustration with his brat mounted again. "There you are." He smiled, one of his hands slinking down between his cheeks.

"'Ey, no. I don't need prep." He huffed as one finger circled his hole and he watched as the man's cheeks flushed. Fingering was too much like kissing and kissing was too much like making love.

"So you're that kind of slut. I get ya." Colson teased and Dom laughed, pinching his inked ribs. "What? You're the one saying you're open. I'm just… assuming."

"You realize I fucked you wiv'out prep, yeah? Tha' cute lil virgin ass. Maybe I'm trying to be nice to you? Ya see 'ow it's-" Before he could finish with 'to your advantage' the rapper was already moving. Somehow the thought must have not struck before but his eyes lit up and his eagerness was obvious in the strain of his muscles not to rush.

"Yeah but you were a kinky shit that night." The man grinned but before he could do more Dom stopped him.

"I'm a kinky shit all the time luv and you jus' need to 'old steady for me." Colson's brows furrowed but he obeyed, pushing his thumb against the base of his cock to hold it straight and still. He choked on spit in the next moment when Dom threw his legs over Col's shoulders and moved himself, teasing his- needier than he'd like to admit- hole against his lover's tip. He stared up at the man as he bit his lip and fought not to thrust but that was what he loved about his pet, his fight.

The first press in took Col's breath away, he could feel himself start to shake harder as a sweat broke out over him. The noise was filthy wet, he'd definitely put too much lube on but he didn't know if Dom liked to ache too. His gaze dropped to where they were joined and he watched as he started disappearing inside the boy. He didn't know what was more captivating, how the punk's hole parted for him and swallowed him deep or the way Dom's cock jerked and drooled a steady puddle of precum on his belly the further Kells sank inside him. He couldn't help a few needy noises escaping, he couldn't completely control himself and he knew that was what his dominant loved.

Dom couldn't breathe, his body felt on fire at the stretch as he pulled himself down on his lover. He could feel how captivated the man was and it made his pulse quicken as Col's fingers shook where they held him gently. He'd seen and touched and tasted the rapper's cock so many times before and he always knew it would feel intense but he couldn't have prepared himself. It was immense and exactly what he'd always wanted. He had a passing thought that nothing would ever measure up but he pushed it away as he pushed himself flush against those strong thin hips. He tried to breathe but as Kells jerked and twitched inside him he swore it was all the way through his guts and choking him from the inside out. He couldn't show that though. "Well, ain't you gonna f-fuck me?" His voice was thin but he tried to keep it strong. He couldn't show how affected he was. He couldn't let his brat know he had any power over him but fuck- "You got a nice cock."

Sweat dripped into Colson's eyes but he felt his gaze fill with joy as he grinned down at his top. He had to be honest at least with himself, no matter how many times he would ever get to bed the boy, he'd never be top. "You're a bossy ass bottom. But I always knew you'd be a size queen." He teased, winking down at his best friend, calling back to the moment that got him the boy to begin with.

"You ain't seen nuffin yet but if ya don't move I'll-" Dom's growl broke off in a whimper when Colson knelt over him and pulled out enough to thrust deep. He'd never really heard that kind of sound from the kid and it was so sweet he instantly craved more. His palm pushed gently at one of the punk's thighs, leading one down but he kept the other tossed over his shoulder as he pressed close. Dom could take it.

"Yes Daddy." He purred, his hips finding an easy rhythm though he knew he couldn't stay slow. For just a moment he let himself feel in control and he closed his eyes to focus on the feel. Dom was so tight, his inner walls clenching and hot, the slick glide in and out was almost too much to handle. He could feel himself throbbing and he could feel every place he hit inside his lover but before he could fall too deeply into his fantasy there was a hand in his hair gripping and pulling him closer.

"I fhought you was fucking me? Who you-"

"Don't even. I was feeling you. You feel-"

"You get flowery and I pull off and you don't finish even if I do."

The rapper huffed and tried not to roll his eyes though it was tempting, instead he sped his pace and showed his dom what he could do. The boy moaned, a high soft noise that had obviously been forced out of him but Kells fought to find it again. "Stop looking at me like tha'." Dom growled, his own body moving in tandem until their thrusts were just this side of pain. The noises echoed off the walls, their skin slapping like thunder and Colson's sweat dripped over the singer like rain.

Dom fought himself not to feel too much but with every plunge deep he was pushed closer. For him an orgasm like that was overwhelming, and he could tell what was building might destroy him. His nails scratched down inked skin as if he could physically fight it off but his lover just groaned and begged for more. His thighs squeezed tight, his muscles trembling but he worked to control himself as long as he could. "Still bored?" The rapper joked, his hips snapping evenly as if he could do it forever but Dom could feel himself melting already.

"Eh, n-not so bad. Could be better if you was faster." He sighed, trying to keep his mental walls up tight but his inner ones gave him away. The man above him sped and he clenched tight, crying out when Kells angled right for his spot. His spine arched, his cock begging for attention but he might actually sob if anything touched him there. "De-deeper!" His voice broke but his pet obeyed like the good boy he was.

Kells bit his lip as he watched his boy squirm and he took a chance, slipping his palm under that plush perfect ass so he could pull him somehow closer. The noise Dom made was almost inhuman but he came alive more than Col had ever expected. "Don't- don't stop?" For once it was a plea instead of a demand but he would have done it either way. He made sure not to change any aspect of his thrusts as he felt his boyfriend shatter for him. His dick didn't spill but Kells had bed enough girls to know an orgasm when he saw it and he fought not to smile through his panting. There was a pride in his chest but it was overwhelmed by the beauty of his dom, the boy was a fucking revelation.

Dom knew now that his pleasure had started rolling he wouldn't catch a break or a breath until his lover came but he didn't have enough air in his lungs to command it. He could feel that gaze on him, taking in every shudder and gasp but for the moment he allowed it. It almost made the rapture stronger knowing he felt so fucking exposed. Tears welled his eyes as another wave built but his brat never slowed down. If anything he pounded him harder. Deeper. The man was a beast who couldn't seem to help but show off. The grip on his hip tightened, with every move close he pulled Dom against him and the punk was losing his control.

"Shit- better than any- any fucking pussy. Look how deep- oh God Dom!" Colson whimpered when he caught sight of his dick poking behind Dom's skin. It wasn't constant but it was a vision every time. He was near breaking but he wanted to make sure his boy knew he was still in control. "Please? Please let me-" He didn't know what sounds he was making anymore but he could barely speak over them and when Dom nodded he almost sobbed.

Colson gathered him closer, pulling him tight against his chest as he pushed Dom's other leg down and he sat up as they wrapped tight around each other. Sweat and more glued them tight almost instantly but they moved together, chasing that last peak as one. Dom's bravado had fallen away on his second wave of pleasure and all he could do was hide against his pet's neck and force out the word he needed most. "Cum."

Colson's hands gripped bruising tight as Dom's nails cut his skin. He bounced the boy as hard as he could but no amount of pounding could cover up how intimate and intense it had become between them. Kells hit that peak quietly, his harsh breath the only thing betraying his need but as white heat filled his insides and the man found his way somehow deeper in his guts Dom wasn't so silent. "Fuck- Colson?" His choked sob almost sounded like a beg and the rapper held him tighter as the punk spilled hot between them and they shook as they rode out their pleasure together.

Kells was a gentleman and scared of his lover enough he didn't comment on the tears or the way Dom clung to him. He didn't pull back and kiss him even though he wanted to, he didn't soothe him or whisper sweet nothings. He refused to ruin the moment so instead he just held his dom and panted with him, waiting for the moment they came down enough and the kid led him to however they would act next. He was learning damnit, he could be a good boy. "Better than Issac right?" He couldn't help but ask and the scoff he got in return was worth it. He knew what they felt, they didn't need words, he knew how to keep his Daddy from a panic attack. "Definitely right? Bigger too?"

"You're incorrigible." Dom huffed but smiled against his skin and he knew without a doubt he'd said the right thing.

Author's Note/Tags: @hollywoodxwhore @jaxbreaker @manicpixiedreamb0y @iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker @fenoy7 @cole-way-iero28 🖤

Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry it took me a bit but I am ☠️, I hope it was still good though! I tried to keep them true to their characters but let it get a little deeper. I hope it's what you hoped 🖤🚬

[searchingformylostpan]

Been a couple years since I last listened to this.... never made me ugly cry life this... it just kept exponentially compounding every verse...

Molly

/

Lyrics

Yeah, man, this is the softest thing I ever did

But it's about something that's pretty important to me

And that's you

And that's true

Really wish that I didn't care about you anymore

But I do

What do I do when the rap (drug) life

Make a motherfucker choose up in that fight?

Make a young couple do something sad like

Being broke up even though we had life

Fuck it, I don't even know what I could've done

Looking back thinking, "That's what I should've done"

Wanting you back

But when the fact is I always put you second to rap

I'm not mad that you wouldn't come

And even though I had to move, I ain't move on

Really wish you was a boo I could prove wrong

But she knows what I'ma do with the new songs

And she know I'm pretty soon with your dude on, running the rap game

With that lane always gotta be up on that train

Or that plane, ain't nobody want to feel that pain

With that strain wishin' I ain't gotta get that fame

Or acclaim, you know I'd give you my last name

Put that blame on me, chasin' something, feelin' dumb cause you all I need

Hope you wait until I'm done and I'm all free

But you know I never know when that's gon' be

And I'm sorry

It's the hardest rule to follow (I'm thinking of you)

I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)

You can find another me tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe

If I woke up and I called it quits (I'm thinking of you)

If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)

Maybe I could get you back tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby

And that's you (That's you)

And that's true (That's true)

Really wish that I didn't care about you anymore (Care about you anymore)

But I do

What do I do when the rap life

Make a motherfucker choose up in that fight?

Make a young couple do something sad like

Being broke up even though we had life (Had life, had life, had life)

When I'm being dumb and stupid who the fuck is gonna hit me with the motherfuckin' jerk face?

Who gon' let me know to hit my mother on her birthday?

Who gon' let me know when I be shopping if a shirt's gay?

And when I'm on the road I be missing that

Always looking at my phone, you would give me crap

Ever since I been alone I've been thinking back

Listenin' to your autotune in my mike-phone making us laugh

You know the past was a blast but it never could last

Pretty sad when your love got a separate path

Used to read when there's nothing to do

But it's funny, doing nothin's never nothin' when it's somethin' with you

You know I want to still talk, even text and call

Whenever something's going on I be pressin' "Mol" up in the phone

'Til I press the "x, " stressed, the next one I'll best the ex and you'll forget, but it's best

You the best to me girl, always baked me something

And when it ripped off, you replaced my buttons

But don't be pissed off if I hate your husband

'Cause even when I can't say "love ya, " I love ya

It's the hardest rule to follow (I'm thinking of you)

I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)

You can find another me tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe

If I woke up and I called it quits (I'm thinking of you)

If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)

Maybe I could get you back tomorrow (Oh)

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby

And that's you (That's you)

And that's true (That's true)

Really wish that I didn't care about you anymore (Care about you anymore)

But I do

What do I do when the rap life

Make a motherfucker choose up in that fight?

Make a young couple do something sad like

Being broke up even though we had life (Had life, had life, had life)

It's the hardest rule to follow (I'm thinking of you)

I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)

You can find another me tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe

If I woke up and I called it quits (I'm thinking of you)

If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)

Maybe I could get you back tomorrow

And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby

[flyingcatstiel]

@pinkb00bsocks asked about those 4 WIPs. Here they are! The usual disclaimer - there are plenty of excellent superbat WIPs going on right now, but I've limited spoons and these are the ones I currently enjoy.

The World and All Its Hedgehogs by Ginevra_Benci [M. 8,007 word count, WIP, 4/?] To investigate illegal arms sale taking place at a tropical resort hotel, Batman goes under cover as a vacuous billionaire Brucie Wayne and Superman takes a part time job as a porter. They didn't coordinate this, they don't know each others civilian identities. Every time they talk there are at least 3 different conversations going on and it is glorious. Also, so much lust. ;)

(Also, check out Interviewing & Counceling series by the same author. Clark is having a superhero identity crisis and Bruce is there to catch Clark gently as he spirals down. It has one of the softest identity reveals in superbat fics.)

Watching Our Stars Align by ClarkeStetler [M, 28,840 word count, WIP, 7/14] There's a dating/chatting app only for superheroes and all identities are secret. What could go wrong? Bruce and Clark get matched under their new pseuds, and same happens to Tim Drake and Conner Kent. Now fathers and sons gotta navigate complicated relationships that come with secret identities and judging your coworkers hastily while talking heart to heart to anonymous superhero. The identity porn part happens through DM, which just happens to be another favorite trope of mine.

(Love) Triangles Have Multiple Centers by frozenpotions [T, 27,281 word count, WIP, 4/10] This fic wastes no time getting playboy billionaire Brucie Wayne and pining-after-his-coworker journalist Clark Kent together. After that, first time uneasy partners Batman and Superman gotta solve a case and their civilian selves gotta deal with the realities of their one night stand. Complicated doesn't even cover it!

A Favor for a Friend by RedFive [Explicit, 18,286 word count, WIP, 4/7] Omega verse fic with alpha playboy billionaire Bruce Wayne and omega journalist Clark Kent. I'm fascinated by dominant, flirtatious, sexually ravenous alpha Brucie Wayne who moonlights as a stoic, covered in scent blockers thus unclear second gender, Batman. Meanwhile omega Clark, due to being Kryptonian, is much less ruled by his second gender. That is, until he meets Mr. Wayne. This fic has so much lust and tension between the two. Does accidental heat triggering counts as a soulmate mark? I'm gonna count it like that.

*****

And a special shout out to two identity shenanigan WIPs that are not actively updating but are absolute must reads.

ship-to-ship combat by pomeloquat [M, 62,737 word count, WIP, 12/13] OK, so, for me personally, this is the ultimate identity p*rn fic across all fandoms I've read so far. This fic has one of the highest amount of secret identity pairs in superbat fics. There's the usual pining silently Batman/Superman, then there's Clark dating Bruce, Superman saving Bruce Wayne from peril, Clark Kent chatting with Batman. And the cherry on top is Clark writing Bruceman fanfic which is basically a RPF of his two friends, Batman and Bruce Wayne. Which leads to an internet friendship with a fellow fan, who is, you guessed, Bruce. This fic has great reflections on fandom and shipping culture. But the very beating heart of this fic is about how easy it is to lose something you wished to have but were afraid to ask for. The fic, at 12/13, is technically a WIP, but the main reveal is already done, and it is glorious.

10 Things Every Brucie Fan Needs in Their Life by pomeloquat [T, 8,956 word count, WIP, 5/10] The main premise of this fic is hilarious and yet so, so right. Bruce Wayne is promoting himself as a nation's boyfriend instead of a playboy, and is making bank out of all his wholesome, PG rated merchandise. The chapters of this fic tell continuous story but they also can be read as separate vignettes, so there's really no cliffhanger. This fic is so soft and fluffy, it will heal your soul. Also, Superman has celebrity crush on Bruce Wayne. Batman is amused.

I’m currently reading superbat fics (sorry, destiel, stony and dinluke, I’ll get back to you some day) and I’m having great time with commenting and authors replying to me. It’s a whole new fandom experience when I can read fics just for personal enjoyment, without planning fic rec lists. So much easier to comment, wtf. Anyways, I’m following 4 superbat identity p*rn fics right now, and it’s glorious. What a feast. My favorite trope, so many interesting ways to explore it. Happy holidays to all superbat writers but especially those 4 WIP writers🎄

[letmeinpplease]

Okay so I wanna talk about Her Sweet Kiss for a second. I'm firmly in the camp of "this song is about three people: Jaskier, Yennefer, and Geralt" and I will not be taking criticism on that particular stance at this time. Go look at the tag, there's plenty of discussion of it. The one thing I haven't seen discussed is the first verse.

"But her love's as unfair as a crook

It steals all my reason

Commits every treason

Of logic, with naught but a look"

So you could interpret that as "this chick drives me nuts because she just looks at you and all logic goes out the window," which would make sense and tracks with Jaskier's general dislike of Yennefer in season 1.

However, you could also interpret it another way, with "my reason" being Jaskier's purpose, rather than his rationality (after all, he talks about logic itself in the next line). Meaning Jaskier is essentially saying the "she" character takes away that which gives him purpose, and all she has to do to accomplish it is give the "you" character a glance, and they throw away all logic. "Treason" also implies betrayal. That's a pretty interesting way to say "you're an idiot when she's around," unless you're intentionally bringing up the narrator's feelings of betrayal.

"But J," I hear you cry, "that's kind of a stretch."

Is it, though? Jaskier rearranges his life for Geralt A Lot. Yeah, he gets songs and eventual fame out of the deal, but that's very obviously not why he does it. Prime example is after Geralt breaks him out of prison- he is still pissed and heartbroken, but all Geralt has to say is "I need your help" and Jaskier IMMEDIATELY gives in.

"Jaskier has no reason to feel betrayed by Geralt's feelings for Yennefer, even if he has a crush they're just friends."

Really? I would like to bring your attention to when Jaskier said "Do not tell me this is finally the moment you've decided to actually care about someone other than yourself." Even if you think Jaskier is being hyperbolic, that's not something you say without a kernel of truth in there. Jaskier has been Geralt's friend for years at this point (I'm fuzzy on the timeline but I know it's been years), followed him on countless (dangerous) adventures, salvaged his reputation, and Geralt still isn't exactly the greatest friend to him. And immediately after he escapes the scary witch threatening to castrate him, Geralt almost immediately rushes in to save her after he already flirted with her. Then he has to watch Geralt devolve into a puddle of lovestruck goo every time they cross paths with her, and even though Geralt's gotten better over time, he's still not nearly that soft with Jaskier in season 1. Even if you think they're just bros, it's still gotta be rough to basically have a friend be like "I can't really emotionally connect with people, sorry" and then immediately after they meet this random hot chick they're suddenly the softest motherfucker you'll ever meet. And all she did was Look at him, while Jaskier's been following and helping him for years.

Let's not forget that Jaskier was almost done writing this song BEFORE the mountain top break up. This isn't even about the break up, "she" didn't steal the "you" character's logic during the break up scene, she'd already done that a long time ago. It's about the status quo Jaskier was in beforehand.

[kaygee-doodles]

What happens if MC gets really sick, like she only has a few months left to live? What will the skeletons do?

TW: Illness, future death, vague medical stuff below the cut

“i wish i had better news,” Sci, the multiverses best 'science sans', passed a stack of result pages to you. You flipped through them listlessly, already knowing what they meant, even if you didn't understand the jargon it was printed in.

“It's okay. Green said the same thing,” you sighed. The Gaster+Papyrus blend hadn't had to deal with the entire Doom and Gloom crew staring him down as he gave the news, just Dust. Then, the second opinion, a proficient healer from a Swap verse, had to deal with Dust and Horror. Then began the almost frantic universe hopping. The searching. The late nights buried in books and behind screens. Phone calls to every contact Nightmare had, and a few he didn't. All while you sat in the background, feeling worse. And worse.

The search started eight months ago. The most optimistic evidence gave you four more. Maybe.

You didn't feel like you had four months left. You were tired all the time, but unable to sleep. Hungry, but you couldn't keep much down. Everything ached. You couldn't stand without feeling dizzy. Always cold.

Changes had been made to the castle to accommodate. The living room in the castle was boxed in now, couches and chairs forming three 'walls' around several mattresses and an ungodly amount of pillows and blankets. A nest, the softest thing you've ever laid in. There was always a skeleton keeping you company as well, always eager to bundle you up and let you curl in close. You think they only slept when you did. If they did, it was a light sleep. Any movement from you and they were up, asking what you needed, pressing a bucket into your arms or an extra blanket over your legs. A wheelchair was procured from...somewhere, for the days you felt up to sitting at the table for a meal, or needed a bathroom for...human things.

Nightmare gently plucked the papers from your hands as Horror bundled you back into a blanket burrito. The black skeleton flipped through the pages, much like you had, but with greater understanding of what they meant. His teal eyelight slit in displeasure as he thumbed through the numbers. They were all lower than last time. Nearby, pills and gold changed hands.

You blinked, and suddenly you were being set down in your next. Your looked around in surprise as Horror smiled grimly.

“lost you...for a bit there.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled. It was jarring, to blip around like that, though you weren't really jumping through time. You were told you just sort of fell asleep, but stayed upright. Like a sleepwalker with no dream to act out.

“think you can...hold somethin' down for me?”

No, but you had to try. The twice-daily IV treatments helped, but didn't work as well as actual food.

“Yeah.”

Nightmare settled behind you, inky black tentacles pulling at your shirt to get you into something more comfortable while Killer walked off to 'make some phone calls,' As he did every time you returned from a doctors' visit. Dust looked as tired as you felt, almost purposefully getting in Nightmare's way as he curled into your lap, his arms wrapping around your waist. He stayed there more often than not, sometimes trading to hold you in his lap instead. Another blanket tumbled into your pile as Error finished tucking the ends in on his latest creation.

“I'm going-g-g to check on FellSwap 674, see if they've found anyth-th-th [blip] anything.” The multicolored skeleton stood and stretched, flipping a blanket over your head with his foot, “Be good. O-o-or at least mediocre,” he patted the blanket on top of your head briefly, and was gone.

You grumbled good naturedly. You knew your boys did their best, always working for some kind of cure, some way to prolong your life. They were working themselves to the proverbial bone, trying to scrape up another week, another day, with you. They wouldn't take your death well. You had tried bringing it up before, but your words were met with only hollow stares and frozen smiles. You knew it was going to hit them hard. You knew the multiverse was going to suffer for it. You knew there was nothing you could do.

What you didn't know lay deep in the castle depths. The finest work of every 'Swap' Undyne and 'Tale' Alphys, smoothed together with the best mechanical engineering the multiverse could provide. It looked just like you. All it needed was a SOUL.

[starksweasley]

protect you

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader, john b x sibling!reader, pogues x platonic!reader

summary: jj gets hurt and you can’t stand to see your favorite boy in pain, so you decide to do something about it.

warning: angst, fluff, some violence, swearing

word count: 2.2k+

It was an unusually quiet night on the banks. You were nestled between Kie and Pope with your head on the boy’s lap and your feet on the girl’s. The three of you had anxiously been waiting for John B and JJ to return from night surfing. Your brother had promised they’d be back in time for dinner at 8. You snuck a glance at Pope’s watch; it was 9:53. 

Your eyes fluttered closed and your hands hastily ran through your hair, something you did when you were nervous. Kie and Pope exchanged timid glances, well versed on your habit. “Y/N, I’m sure they’re fine,” Kiara whispered, but it seemed like she was assuring herself more than she was calming you down. 

You nodded but continued to rake your fingers through your now tangled hair. Pope let out a sigh and grabbed your wrist, causing your eyes to shoot open and land on his gaze. “You’re driving me mad, woman!” He exclaimed jokingly.  

A small smile wedged its way onto your lips but it instantly vanished when two stumbling figures appeared in your peripheral vision. You scrambled out of Pope’s hold, ignoring the grunt that resulted from you elbowing his stomach in the process. “John B?”

Your brother was making his way across the sand with JJ’s arm wrapped tightly over his shoulders. The blonde-haired boy looked close to unconsciousness and John B was struggling to support his weight. 

“What the hell?” You immediately ran to the pair, Kie and Pope hot on your heels. As you got closer, you noticed splotches of red painting JJ’s face and neck. “Oh my god, what the fuck happened?” You cried. JJ looked worse up close. Bruises covered his face, some purple and others still red. Blood had dripped down his features to his neck, completely soaking his grey tank. One of his eyes was swollen shut and the other was struggling to stay open. 

“It was Rafe and the other Kooks,” John B seethed. You looked over at him and noticed a small cut on the side of his face. Fatigue was oozing off of him in waves and he stumbled into your embrace once Pope and Kiara started helping JJ walk towards the house. Your arms wrapped around your older brother’s neck and you lulled him to calm down. “You know better than to get in a fight with those assholes John B,” you quietly scolded. “Even if they start it, you have to ignore them. If you get arrested for assault, we don’t have the money for bail- we don’t have anything left.” Your voice cracked at the end and John B felt a pang of guilt pierce his heart. 

“Hey-look at me, Y/N.” He tilted your head up until you could see his face. “You still have me. You’ll always have me, understand?” 

You quietly nodded and cleared your throat. “JJ, he-he looks so bad.” The tears sprung back and you had to force down a sob from escaping your throat. Your favorite boy’s mangled face popped back into your head and you felt an unexplainable rage fill your body. “What the hell happened?”

“Rafe showed up to our end of the beach with Topper and Kelce, don’t ask me why. But they saw us and started saying things.” John B nervously scratched the back of his head. “They, uh, they said something about you and JJ completely lost his shit. He jumped on Rafe before I could even react. I tried pulling him off but Topper and Kelce got involved and it was three of them against two of us. By the time I got to JJ, he was passed out on the ground.”

Your fists clenched and red seeped into your vision at John B’s words. You knew about JJ’s relationship with his father. The others hadn’t found out yet but he had gotten drunk with you one night and spilled his secrets amidst his tears. You had pulled his head into your chest and whispered sweet words into his ear until he had fallen asleep on top of you. After that, you two never talked about what he had told you, but you always made sure to keep an extra eye on him. JJ was strong, but he shouldn’t have to be. He had gotten enough beatings to last a lifetime; he didn’t deserve any more. 

“I swear to God, Y/N, the next time I see them they’ll get what they deserve,” John B muttered. You looked up from the sand and saw that you had reached the Chateau. “Go inside, John B. I’ll be back in a bit.” You shoved John B inside the house and shut the screen door.

“Wait, Y/N-where are you going?” Pope poked his head out from behind the door and Kie followed, leading John B to a chair so she could clean his cut.

You ignored your friend’s question and hopped on your bike, your knuckles white from the tight grip you held on the handlebars. “Just go inside! I’ll be back.”

You hadn’t touched a bottle of beer all night, but your mind was buzzing. Your legs fiercely pedaled your bike as you navigated the muddy roads. You were so consumed with rage that you didn’t even realize where you were going until you skidded to a stop in front of the Cameron house. 

You hastily dismantled your worn down bike and half ran, half stumbled through the freshly-mowed law. Laughter floated through the air and you instinctively followed the sound. You rounded a corner and turned right into the backyard. You could make out the back of Topper’s head and noticed that he was playing cards near the pool with Rafe and Kelce. Your vision only blurred further when you noticed that none of them had nothing more than a scratch on them.

“Hey, Cameron!” You called out, causing all three boys to whip around. A smirk tugged at Rafe’s lips when he noticed your advancing figure. “Y/N Routledge, didn’t think you’d ever come here, darling,” he replied smugly but his words flew right over your head. You couldn’t spit out a comprehensible thought before your fist violently collided with the Cameron boy’s jaw.

“Agh!” Choruses of grunts and exclamations filled the air as you clutched your fist in pain and Rafe tumbled to the ground. Kelce immediately moved to help up his friend while Topper menacingly stepped towards you, but you weren’t afraid of him. You weren’t afraid of any of them. The anger that was coursing through you overwhelmed every shred of rationality and you forcefully stepped towards Topper, causing him to stumble back in surprise. 

“You bitch!” Rafe was back on his feet and he made to lunge at you but Topper stepped in front of him. “She’s not worth it man.’

You didn’t know what came over you but a smirk decorated your lips as you abruptly spun on your heel and made your way back to your bike. The ride home felt longer than the ride there due to the throbbing pain on your knuckles but it didn’t bother you. Not much, anyways. Before you knew it, you were dumping your bike in its spot at the head of the Chateau and bounding in through the screen door. John B was the first to see you.

“Where’d you go?” His eyes slowly made his way down your body until they landed on your hand. “What the fuck, Y/N!” Your brother was instantly at your side, gently holding your fist up to assess the damage. His dark eyes scanned your split knuckles and a switch went off in his brain. “Did you get into a fight?”

You gently pulled your wrist away from your brother’s grasp and avoided making eye contact with Kiara and Pope who stood anxiously in the corner of the room. “I wouldn’t really call it a fight, maybe a confrontation,” you murmured. John B’s eyebrows rose so high they almost disappeared under his unkempt hair. 

“A what? Y/N, not even an hour ago you were scolding me for getting in a fight. How could you put yourself in that situation?” He rambled but you weren’t having any of it. Your hands flew through your hair for the second time that night.

“John B, you may be my older brother but you’re not my dad. You don’t get to lecture me for defending my friend.” The words echoed in the quiet room as you struggled to maintain eye contact with your brother. Without another word, you headed into your room where you knew JJ would be resting. He always claimed your blankets were the softest in the house but he knew he just liked the way they smelled like you-not that he’d ever tell you that, of course.

You tried to open the door slowly so as to not make any noise but you failed miserably. The loud creak of the hinges caused JJ to bolt up from his position on your bed. The two of you stood frozen, observing each other’s expressions. His face was considerably less bloody (you assumed Kie had wiped all of the blood off) and the swelling in his eyes had gone down. JJ was wearing a fresh tank but the tiredness of the night was plastered all over his face. Something pierced you in the chest when you noticed the broken state of the boy in front of you. 

“Y/N?” JJ’s lips trembled and that was all it took for you to rush to his side. Before you noticed what you were doing, your body had slid under the covers in the empty spot next to the golden-haired boy. His body moved towards yours as if on habit and he tangled his legs with yours. Your figures molded together and for just a little while, it felt like that’s how it was always meant to be. 

The both of you laid silently for several moments, your faces so close you could feel his breath on yours. You wanted to look into his ocean eyes but he kept his gaze cast downwards, too focused on tracing patterns into the bare skin of your arm. Your uninjured hand came up to gently cup his bruised cheek. “J?”

He perked up at the name only you called him. When his eyes finally met yours, you had to resist the urge to gasp. No matter how many times you observed them, you could never get used to the striking nature of his eyes. One look at them, and you instantly knew every feeling that was running through his veins. “Why’d you do it?” You quietly asked.

Suddenly, JJ’s eyes were everywhere but on yours. “They were talking about you, Y/N. Talking about how they’d fuck you on the beach if they had the chance.” His words were coming out louder and louder and you knew he was close to bursting. “I just-I couldn’t help myself! They don’t ever get to think about you like that. Not ever.”

“Hey, look at me,” you whispered. When he didn’t comply, you placed your other hand on his face as well. You lightly turned his face until he was looking at you again. 

“You didn’t have to do that for me, J. I can protect myself, but I love you.” 

JJ rolled his eyes. “I know, idiot. I love you too.” 

But you shook your head a little too fast. “No, J. I love you. I’m in love with you.”

The boy’s lips popped open into an “o” shape, something you would have laughed at if you hadn’t been so terrified of his response. Both of you remained in silence for what felt like days and you were about to pull away from JJ’s warmth when his lips finally stretched into a beautiful grin. “God damn it, Y/N. I’m in love with you too.”

This time a gasp really did escape your lips when you looked into his eyes. “Really?” You breathed out.

JJ rolled his eyes again, something you noticed he did quite often. His hands flew up to cover yours on his cheeks. You winced, very slightly, when his palm made contact with your torn knuckles, but he noticed. His face immediately scrunched up in concern. “What’s wrong?” He murmured. 

You shook your head but JJ wasn’t having any of it. He pried your hands off his face and observed them, sharply inhaling when he noticed the bruises. “Did you-did you punch someone?” He questioned, all too familiar with the marks.

You simply shrugged, trying to play it off nonchalantly. “It was just Rafe. And he deserved it.”

You expected JJ to scold you the way your brother had but were thoroughly surprised when he let out a boisterous laugh. There was no time to process your shock before the boy had wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling your body into his. “You’re fucking stupid, you know that?” He mumbled into your hair. 

“This coming from you!” Your tone was condescending but you smiled into his neck. JJ’s arms tightened around you, and you couldn’t help but let out a sigh. It was perfect. All of it was just perfect. The blonde’s lips wandered over your head, finally pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

“I’ll always protect you,” he whispered into your skin.

It was your turn to roll your eyes. “All I need is for you to protect yourself, J.”

JJ chuckled at your words. “Not gonna happen.”

[lochsides]

If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power Review

Where do I even begin with 'If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power'? It is such a good album, it's almost criminal. If I had to pick the best album to be released this year, IICHLIWP would be it. Halsey has always been an excellent songwriter, that was never even in question, but it has been proved once again, in case anyone wasn't paying attention. IICHLIWP is an album that covers so much depth in sound and in lyric. The dichotomy of the Madonna and the Whore, as they said in their announcement of the album, is an overarching theme of IICHLIWP and it is articulated so consummately. The references to pregnancies and childbirth are more subtle than I expected but that's what makes them so genius. This is an album where every lyric is intentional.

My favourite songs are ‘The Tradition’, 'Bells in Santa Fe', '1121' and 'Ya'aburnee'. More detailed thoughts on each track are below the cut. Trigger warnings for sexual assault and miscarriages.

The Tradition — This is the first song on the album and Halsey had already fucked me up so there's that. I got full-body chills listening to 'The Tradition'. The production is masterful. There is this darkness that settles in early and ebbs and flows beautifully, not only throughout the song but the album as a whole. 'The Tradition' already sets up so many of themes of this album, but what a way to talk about sexual assault. I am in love with the entire chorus line but I think my favourite lyric is ‘she got the life she wanted but now all she does is cry.’

Bells in Santa Fe — The transition from 'The Tradition' into 'Bells in Santa Fe' was so smooth I didn't even notice that the songs had changed until I looked at my screen. I don't think I could actually describe how much I adore this song if I took up the rest of my life doing so. The production is absolutely God-tier. Everything from the way it keeps building throughout the song to the percussion to the piano on the second chorus and the distortion towards the end is so perfectly done. You will never hear me rave about production this much. What a fucking song! On top of all that, you have the lyrics that are so powerful. When they said 'cause who the fuck would chose this?' it reminded me of my favourite Manicsong, 'Forever... is a long' where they sing 'how could somebody ever love me?' so that stood out to me. I love the cadence on 'secondhand thread in a secondhand bed with a second man's head' but the lyric 'better off dead so I reckon I'm headed to Hell instead' is probably the one that hits the hardest. My escapist, runaway tendencies felt very exposed by the entirety of the pre-chorus.

Easier than Lying — The way she emotes on ‘you lair, you don’t love me’ is fucking everything. I needed to start with that. It’s my favourite aspect of the whole song. And then there is that obvious callback in the bridge. ‘Easier than Lying’ is the punk sound we were promised of IICHLIWP and they delivered. The Grungy electric guitar, the bass, the production!!! This one goes hard and it makes no apologies of it’s anger.

Lilith — ‘I’m disruptive, I’ve been corrupted, and by now I don’t need a fucking introduction.’ I mean what could I possibly say after that??! Honestly, I love the duality of how this line could be about Halsey but it could also be about Lilith, herself. There is a selfishness to 'Lilith' that I love. When you connect that to the mythology of Lilith preying on pregnant women and the context of this album — it's just got so many layers. Halsey's mind!! I love the sound of this song. The production has a classic rock flare to it. Those drums are so clean and the bass accompanies it perfectly. The smoothness of their vocal on this track is very pleasing to listen to.

Girl is a Gun — I'm not going to lie, this song isn't for me. I get it. The message is right up my street but the overall sound of it just isn't what I personally like. I do love their little laugh at the start! The lyric 'it's a shot in the dark, I'm not a walk in the park, I come loaded with the safety switched off' is my favourite.

You asked for this — This song is really interesting because they gave us a pop punk sound, pushed it to the back of the track, really grungey guitar riffs and all, but their voice is so light and delicate almost, very airy in a way that stands apart from the backing track. I really like it. To me, it's like an emphasis of the message of 'You asked for this'. Young women are oftentimes forced to grow up too soon and 'be a big girl.' Society forgets, I would even say purposely overlooks, that they are 'still somebody's daughter,' one of the few things that is used to give value to a woman. We've all heard people throw the phrase "but what if it was your daughter/sister?" into the conversation when discussing women that have somehow been abused by the patriarchy. 'You asked for this' also calls attention to how when we're younger, all we want is to be grown up but how unaware we can be of what it means to be a woman in this world, the trauma that comes with it.

Darling — The guitar in this song and it’s almost-country sound are what sets this song apart from the rest of the album. ‘Darling’ is a lullaby for their child, but it tells a story of their struggles. It is honest in a way that feels private. Motherhood sounds so good on them!! This song is just a collection of things I love in music. 'Darling' is soothing and it sounds like comfort, in both melody and lyric. 'Foolish men have tried but only you have shown me how to love being alive' is perhaps the softest lyric on the whole album.

1121 — I expelled a heavy sigh when I heard ‘1121’ it absolutely took my breath away*.* This song is a truly moving ode to an unborn child. So many people talk about how they had never known what unconditional love really meant until they had a child. Halsey tells it as such: ‘you could have my heart and I would break it for you.’ I love their vocal styling on this song so much, going between their lower register and those beautiful falsettos in the chorus. The overlapping on the bridge of ‘please don’t leave, don’t leave me in the shape you left me’ and ‘I’m running out of time to tell you, I’m running out of things that I regret’ and ‘you’d never, you told me’ really capture all the wide array of emotions felt by pregnant person upon finding out they are pregnant when they’ve dealt with miscarriage. Her voice emotes the fear of losing another child, the regret of the ones she's already lost, the promise, almost desperate, of the opportunity they have right now. All of these feelings are brought to life further by the production of the song. There is so much depth in '1121'.

honey — Pop punk wlw anthem check. Halsey suits this sound so much. This track, the production, the instrumentation, all of it catered to their voice so perfectly. The sound is so refreshing and yet so classic. I adore the melody. It’s unsuspectingly catchy. I wonder if there are links to ‘Lilith’ with ‘she’s mean and she’s mine’ or if I’m just reaching. Either way, a song about a love that is a little chaotic and wild, sign me up!

Whispers — Whispering on a song called 'Whispers' might be obvious but I'm a basic bitch so leave me alone, I loved it. Lyrically, 'Whispers' was the song that I saw myself in the most. When she said 'camouflage so I can feed the lie that I'm composed,' I just felt far too exposed for comfort. Same thing with 'I do not know me.' And that's what art is supposed to do. The instrumental is haunting and dark. The way they create tension by adding in one instrument at a time. The production is amazing. Top 5 shit right here!

I am not a woman, I'm a god — Not only does this song have the catchiest hook, it’s literally ‘I am not a woman, I’m a god. I am not a martyr, I’m a problem. I am not a legend, I’m a fraud so keep your heart ‘cause I already got one.’ That hook right there tells you everything you need to know about this song. ‘I am not a woman, I’m a god’ acknowledges that one needs not be a woman to create life. They are claiming power to their gender identity through relation to Godliness. Even in the other lyrics, they talk about being ‘a different human in a new place’ or ‘a better human with a new name’ (this line in particular draws direct parallels to trans experiences). Both times, they specifically use ‘human.’ The production of this song is designed to be a single. It’s got the signature darkness of this album, tells the listener where Halsey is at sonically, and it’s a total banger.

The Lighthouse — The way this song just comes in swinging right away with the distortion and the heavy guitars is exactly what I expected from this album going into it for the first time. Very modern punk rock. And the lyric doesn't pull any punches either. 'From a tender age I was cursed with rage,' like c'mon!! I love the melody and her vocal inflations throughout the song. This is the longest song on the album but it doesn't drag. The change up right before the outro really helps with that. I find that outro so interesting. The contrast between the instrumental constantly building but their voices staying so far in the back on the track creates so much tension that is relieved in the best way possible with 'Ya'aburnee'.

Ya'aburnee — ‘Ya’aburnee’ is the perfect conclusion to this album. Halsey said in their Apple Music interview that IICHLIWP is about the power to choose and by the end of the album you realise that they choose love. This song perfectly embodies that. It’s familial. The entire chorus talks of seeing yourself in your kin and the circle of life. The second verse is a clear love letter to their partner and it makes me emotional, knowing their romantic history as we do, to hear them sing ‘wrap me in a wedding ring.’ I love how the lyric ‘you will bury me before I bury you’ is not only a statement of their hopes that they don’t have to live in a world without their loved ones, a statement of how parents should never have to bury their children, but it almost sounds like a protective promise that they will do anything to ensure their loved ones are kept from harm so as not to need burial. The softness of the instrumental on ‘Ya’aburnee’ is feels like unwinding from the rest of the record. It’s such a beautiful song.

[blossom-hwa]

Put Your Arms Around Me (I’ll Be Warm For Days) - DAEYEOL

so I once swore I'd never write a vampire fic yet here I am breaking that promise because I saw this post explaining that once you rescind your welcome to a vampire they are obligated to leave and then this just happened

god I already feel embarrassed just queuing this I'm so sorry

Pairing: Daeyeol x gender neutral!reader

Genre: fluff, vampire!au

Triggers: mentions of biting like once? it never gets described

Word Count: 3k

In your arms, Daeyeol feels just a little more human.

Golden Child Masterlist

Spinning in the pouring rain, dreary gray clouds lining the sky with not a hint of sky in between, your laughter rings radiant in the air as Daeyeol watches from under the apartment overhang, umbrella closed by his side. A small smile lifts the corners of his lips, a smile that he no longer tries to hide – you know how feels. And though you haven’t given him a reply just yet, it’s a blessing nonetheless not to have to hide the love in his expression whenever he sees you free, happy, alive.

“Daeyeol!” You come running up, shoes squelching through streets already covered in a layer of water. Even as cold rain splashes and hits his skin, his smile widens as your wet face appears in his line of vision. “Come on, you stupid baby – just for a few minutes!”

“You’re calling me a stupid baby?” He scoffs in mock indignity, pulling you out of the rain. “I’m several centuries older than you, thank you very much, and I have more degrees than you will ever earn in your life –”

A wet hand hits his arm and your laughter rings again, music in Daeyeol’s ears. “And yet you’re still afraid of a little rain,” you tease, hand wrapping around his wrist. “How is it that you’re the immortal who’ll never get sick or tired but you’re also the one waiting out the downpour?”

“How is it that you’re the human who’ll definitely get sick and sniffly but you’re also the one dancing out in said downpour?” Daeyeol counters, shrugging off his coat. The chill strikes his bare arms but he ignores it, placing it over your shoulders. “You need a hot shower or you’re going to be sick all day tomorrow.”

“Hey, just a few minutes.” You beam at him, pulling the coat around you more securely. “Come on, please?”

He can’t say no. He never could, not when faced with you. Even though Daeyeol is a centuries old vampire and has seen enough of the world to make him lose faith in humanity multiple times (once quite recently), the sparkle in your eyes never fails to remind him that there’s still kindness, there’s still good, there’s still love in the world that might just prevail over all the bad. So he follows you into the rain and watches you spin under the showering droplets, arms held out wide (his coat is definitely going to need a long wash), and even as the cold air begins to seep into his already cold skin, he finds warmth in your laugh, warmth in your smile, warmth even in your chilly hand as it wraps around his fingers and forces him to spin around once too.

What wouldn’t he give to pull you closer, to bring your body right up against his so he can press a kiss to your rainy forehead, staring into your eyes as you gaze back with the same love that he holds for you? What wouldn’t he give to sway you gently in the downpour, water soaking your clothes as he wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on your shoulder and simply stays there, soaking in the love of someone he cares for with all that is left of his heart?

But with no reciprocation must come restraint, and after centuries of life (or death, depending on how he thinks of it), he’s well-versed in the skill. Daeyeol loves you and you know this, but he’s also made it clear that he will never pressure you into an answer, will never force himself onto you no matter how long he must wait. He’s lived for centuries. He can wait a little longer for a reply to his confession, be it favorable or unfavorable, as long as you allow him to stay by your side.

You twirl around, eyes squinted nearly shut with laughter. A few feet away from Daeyeol, you stop and turn back to him with a look simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar, unfamiliar in that he hasn’t seen it on your face, but familiar in that he has seen it on his when Joochan drew that portrait of him staring at an off-canvas you, the softest glint of love in his eyes.

Love.

Real love.

But this time in your eyes, not his.

Daeyeol’s breath stutters in his throat. Hope rises in his chest, makes him feel an artificial warmth in his cold face and if he were still human his heart would be fluttering, pounding, racing as he returns your gaze –

But the look disappears in a second, replaced by a much more familiar expression of simple joy and laughter as you tromp through the puddles to brush a wet clump of hair out of Daeyeol’s face. Your fingers, though cold, send warm tingles up his spine. “It’s not fun if you just stand there and let the rain pour all over you, you know,” you reproach, eyes sparkling.

Cold disappointment eats through the previous warmth in his chest but Daeyeol swallows it down. He was probably seeing things, probably projecting his feelings onto you in a way that wasn’t real. And even if he wasn’t, just because you feel similarly doesn’t mean you’re ready to say it just yet. No sense in hoping or probing.

Daeyeol allows his lips to tilt in a little pout. “I just don’t want you to get sick,” he says, braving a hand to uselessly wipe rain off your face. “Come on, it’s been a few minutes. You need a shower and I need to cook dinner.”

You grumble a little but the reminder of warm food convinces you to escape the rain. Daeyeol lingers behind slightly as you head into the apartment lobby, gazing wistfully at your back.

No. He shakes his head. This is enough. All of it is enough. It is enough that you allow him to stay, enough that you welcome him into your apartment every day even if you rescind the invitation at night. It is enough that you accept his feelings even if you need more time for an answer, treasuring the heart he’s entrusted you even if you’re not yet ready to offer your own. Because even though you’re the only one for him, the only one who’s made him wish his heart could beat not just for life but for love since he was turned so many centuries ago, the only thing that matters to Daeyeol is your comfort and your happiness.

For as long as a genuine smile remains etched on your face, Daeyeol can find peace in your joy.

. . . . .

His hair is still slightly damp from the shower when the clock strikes midnight several hours later and Daeyeol looks up from his perch on the couch, frowning over his glasses at the two clock hands that signal his time to leave.

You look up too, squinting over your laptop at the clock. Daeyeol takes the moment to focus on the way your eyes still shine through the tiredness on your face. It’s a far cry from the rainy exuberance you wore a few hours ago, but it’s just as beautiful in a quieter, softer way.

A smile spreads over his lips, wide but a little sad, too. With this stolen moment of silent admiration comes the knowledge that it’s time for you to rescind your welcome, for him to make the lonely walk up one floor to his own apartment, for him to slide between cold sheets that won’t grow warm because his blood doesn’t flow and attempt to sleep while imagining you in his embrace. The next day will come sooner the faster he falls asleep, Daeyeol knows, and the sooner the next day comes the sooner he gets to see you, but that doesn’t seem to compute when all he wants is to feel your warmth by his side.

“I should go,” he says quietly, closing his literature textbook as he stands.

You nod, yawning. The urge to walk over and kiss your forehead is almost overwhelming but Daeyeol resists, only reaching out to pat your head softly as he passes by. “Mm, it’s late.”

Do you lean into his touch? Daeyeol doesn’t know. You’re always careful with your actions, careful in a way Daeyeol wishes you weren’t however much he understands, but this time when Daeyeol touches your face, he can’t help but hope you might have leaned in slightly, just slightly, even if it was unintentional.

“Goodnight, then.” He stops at the door to put on his shoes.

“Goodnight, Daeyeol.” You smile, though your eyes glint with a little something that looks like a mix of worry and… excitement? “Sweet dreams.”

He lingers a moment longer, debating whether or not to ask you if something’s wrong. Worry isn’t exactly characteristic in your expression, and even less so is the mixture of anxious excitement burning softly in your eyes. But he stops himself. It’s late, after all, and if you still look the same way in the morning, he can ask then when you aren’t so tired. His other shoe goes on and he swings open the door, glancing back one last time as you wave from the table.

One foot out the door, then the other. Daeyeol begins to close the door.

Then his eyes widen and he swings it back open before he can even comprehend his brief thought.

You don’t look surprised when he stumbles back into the apartment, clutching the doorknob so hard he knows it’ll break between his fingers if he doesn’t loosen his grip soon. If anything, a little smile curves your lips, shy and anticipating but gleeful, too, excited and glinting with a warmth that Daeyeol recognizes from Joochan’s portrait –

“You didn’t rescind your invitation," he breathes. “Did you –” he swallows, not wanting to consider the painful possibility but forcing it through his mouth even as hope blooms vibrant and full in his chest – “did you forget?”

The second it takes for you to open your mouth is excruciating, but his patience is rewarded when shake your head and smile. “No,” you reply, standing up. Daeyeol can barely breathe as you step forward, closer, eyes sparkling. “I didn’t.”

You’re close, so close that Daeyeol would barely need to move to slide an arm around you, to pull you into his chest and bury his face in your shoulder the way he wanted to so badly in the rain. He could lift his head, press soft kisses to your neck and jaw and cheek, moving towards your forehead and nose and then your lips –

Two warm arms wrap around his waist and Daeyeol stops breathing for real. Your body presses into his and Daeyeol winces slightly, wondering how you’ll react when you feel the distinct lack of a heartbeat beneath his shirt. But you don’t so much as flinch, only look up with a slightly uncertain expression when Daeyeol goes rigid beneath your touch. “Is this okay?” you ask, eyebrows furrowed.

“Yes,” Daeyeol replies, voice slightly choked for breath. “Yes, it’s everything I’ve – just –” He swallows. “Is this what you want? It’s not… not just because of how I feel, is it?”

At that, your expression relaxes, worry melting into exasperated affection. “Of course not,” you murmur, arms tightening around his body. Daeyeol almost gasps at the muted warmth that seeps through his shirt, rushing up his skin. “I trust you. I should’ve trusted you a long time ago, really. You’ve only ever treated me with love and care. You’ve never done anything remotely threatening to me and…” You lift your head from his skin and look at him with shining eyes. “I don’t believe you ever will.”

He moves, then, arms curving around your waist with maybe a bit too much strength but he grants himself a brief reprieve from years of constant restraint, allows himself to bring you close, close, closer as he tucks himself into your warmth, closing his eyes in bliss as your breath tickles his skin. “You had every right not to trust me,” he corrects you, murmuring into your ear. “I don’t blame you. When a vampire shows up in your life and you catch him feeding, of all things…”

“Still, Daeyeol.” His name takes a new nuance, spoken from your lips with love. “You’ve never done anything to me or anyone, really, not on purpose. You’ve only been loving and gentle and kind, and I trust you enough to give you my love.”

To give you my love. Besides his name from your voice and your laugh, Daeyeol has never heard anything lovelier to his ears. “I’ll treasure it,” he promises, pressing a soft kiss to your neck. He delights in the little shiver that races up your spine. “Forever.”

“As I treasure yours.” You pull back, smiling wide. “Do you want to stay the night?”

. . . . .

Somehow, Daeyeol ends up in your room, sitting on the bed uncertainly as he waits for you to come out of the bathroom. He doesn’t really know what to do – actually, what will you be okay with him doing? Will you allow him to curl into your warmth the way he yearns to, or will you want to maintain some space?

Your voice startles him out of his thoughts. “Daeyeol, I’m not going to bite,” you say, looking slightly amused as you reach around him to pull open the blankets. “That’s your job. Come on, get in or I’ll make you get up to turn off the lights instead.”

Like a child, Daeyeol slides between the sheets, letting you drop them back over him before switching off the lights. The room descends into darkness lit only by a sliver of the moon through the window as you settle into bed next to him, pulling the blankets over you both.

An arm slips under him and Daeyeol almost forgets how to breathe again when you bring yourself closer under the blankets, resting your head against his chest. “Is this okay?” you whisper, voice tickling his skin.

It’s okay. More than okay. Much more than okay. So Daeyeol just nods, pushing away the urge to take off his shirt and feel your warmth directly on his skin rather than through his clothes. It’s your first night in the same bed. You’d probably be uncomfortable. “Yes.”

“Liar.” You shift in the bed, the moon illuminating your face just enough that Daeyeol can see the eyebrow you’ve raised. “Am I making you uncomfortable? I can stop if you want.”

Daeyeol shakes his head as best he can. “No, no. I just…”

“Hm?”

To hell with it. Daeyeol swallows. “When I’m not around you, I feel cold,” he says. For heaven’s sake, if he was a human, his cheeks would be burning. “But when I am, I finally feel warm. And I…” He sighs. “I’d rather feel your warmth directly, rather than through my clothes.”

“… So you want to take off your shirt.”

His ears would also be red. “Yes. But if you’re uncomfortable –”

“No, it’s fine.” Your eyes look a little shy but it’s too dark for Daeyeol to really tell. “Come on, make yourself comfortable. I’m fine with it.”

“Are you sure? I –”

“Daeyeol.” You look up to face him fully as you smile wide. “Yes. I’m sure.”

The shirt falls to the floor and you pull yourself close once more. Daeyeol sighs as your warmth seeps through his skin, sending pleasant tingles all throughout his body as he curls into you, closing his eyes in delight. “Thank you,” he murmurs against your neck.

“Of course.” You shift slightly and Daeyeol blinks, ready to adjust to whatever position you find yourself in, but you only level your face with his, smiling brighter than the stars peeking through the window. “Do you mind…?”

It takes Daeyeol a moment to understand what you’re asking but when he does, he doesn’t bother giving you a verbal answer in favor of kissing you, eyes fluttering shut in bliss as you press back. His arm falls to your waist, curving over your body and bringing you closer as his other hand rises to caress your cheek. You sigh into his lips, your own fingers reaching up to tangle softly through his hair.

You break away for air, then kiss once, twice, three times more before it feels okay to stop. Daeyeol blinks slowly when you pull away the last time. His hand is still on your cheek and he rubs absentminded circles on your skin, soaking in the way you lean into his touch, and in that moment, he knows he could spend centuries waiting for your lips if it meant he would feel them, warm against his own, just once in a millennium.

“I love you,” you whisper, breath soft against his bare skin. Your eyes are fluttering shut but you keep them open, barely, just enough for Daeyeol to see the loveliness of your gaze before you close them fully for sleep.

He curls in closer to press a quiet kiss to your forehead. You don’t flinch from his cold touch, only sigh briefly before allowing your lips to curve sweetly, gently, as your eyes close. “I love you too,” he murmurs, kissing you softly one last time before settling into your touch.

Your skin bleeds heat into his, makes him feel a little more whole, a little more full, a little less like a blank, immortal vessel for the first time in centuries. It makes him feel as though his heart could beat again, could pump blood through his dead veins and turn him human once more. But even then, even if it can’t, it’s okay. As long as Daeyeol has you, as long as he can love you fully and feel the warmth of your affection in return, he’ll be happy, happier than he ever thought possible since the day he was turned.

Daeyeol smiles, pulling the blankets more securely around you as your breath evens into sleep.

He already feels warmer.

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 prayer for Daeyeol to keep this warmth :D he deserves it)

[dustedmagazine]

Lou Turner — Microcosmos (Spinster)

Lou Turner finds the cosmic in the everyday on this second solo album, delivering warm, well-considered songs with a casual aplomb. In my review of her debut Songs for John Venn in 2020, I noted that, “Turner is hard to box in, one minute direct and plain spoken and countrified, the next urbane and entangled in arch word play,” and that is still the case. The Nashville songwriter frames her philosophical queries in the warmest, simplest terms, framing them in the subtle twang of acoustic guitar, the softest brush on snares. She views planetary history through the homey lens of her backyard and every verse of space-traveling “Microcosmos” ends with the image of her cat pawing at the sky.

Joe Kenkel and Trevor Nikrant, Turner’s compatriots from countrypolitan songwriters’ collective The Styrofoam Winos, rally to support these delicate but well-crafted compositions. There are lovely little instrumental touches throughout, the brass and pedal steel that billow out of “Tame and Ugly,” the Latin syncopation of “Green and Growing,” the really kind of perfect marimba rattles that punctuate “The Smallest Mercy.” And yet, though they are by no means minimally made, the songs have a fresh, clear purity. Embellishments never get in the way of the clean lines of the words and melody. 

The title track is a marvellous thing, transparent and mystical and wryly humorous at the same time. It ponders our place in the universe, but also takes time to poke fun at gender reveal parties (“The planet was born in the back yard/No gender reveal but plenty of blue”). But the other songs have their own charm. “Big Ole Head” swaggers and fiddle-sways like a lost Holly Golightly tune, while “What We Might Find” turns high school ordinaries like hall passes and speech class into the impetus for cosmic wandering. 

Turner’s songwriting is the main draw, idiosyncratic and modern but steeped in a Nashville tradition, but she also gives a nod to another writer, Simon Joyner, in her cover of “You Got Under My Skin.” The song upends cliches about cowboys, romantic relationships and the creative process, and you can see why Turner felt a kinship. These songs are clever, idiosyncratic, precise and funny, so carefully crafted that they seem familiar immediately, but also surprising. They avoid the easy resolution every time. 

Jennifer Kelly

[beware-of-you-98]

Hey I saw your prompt list thing and almost died, could you write something one day about prompt 3, Emily reassuring jj. I didn’t realise how much I needed that in my life until I saw that.

“You’re not hurting me, you’re not heavy. I’ve got you, love.”

tw: mentions of ptsd, anxiety, violence

It happens in a matter of seconds.

One moment, Emily has her head on JJ’s lap, content with the warmth she provides and how easily her fingers glides through her hair. Dull nails lightly scrap against her scalp and she leans further into the feeling. The lamp on the table beside them gives off a muted golden glow, making even the room feel warm even if both of them are in sweaters and sweatpants.

The next, the room goes black from a sudden and spontaneous power outage.

Emily’s eyes fly open and look up, not because of the sudden loss of light, but because of the soft, surprised gasp that escapes the blonde’s lips. Her fingers still in place, her body rigid and tense from her nerves. Her eyes are glazed, wide with panic as they dart frantically around the room.

The brunette sits herself upright beside her wife immediately, forcing herself to keep her hands at her side—she knows better than to reach out for JJ without consent (it always does more harm than good, so she stays put even if it pains her to do so). “JJ?”

Blue eyes dart quickly around the room, a sliver of pink tongue darts from her mouth to wet her lips as her heart beats increase. Her chest is starting to rise and fall rapidly, her body is already wracking with horrible tremors and she can’t find herself focusing on anything but the smell of mildew and gunpowder, blood and sweat. She squeezes her eyes shut, placing her hands firmly over her eara because all she can fucking hear is the grunt of pain that comes from her friend every time their captor finds some new way to torture him...

“JJ, can I touch you?”

Emily’s voice is muffled by the noises JJ knows, knows, aren’t there but she can hear them so vividly: the clanking of chains, the clamboring of boots against a concrete floor, water dripping, the strong, crackled zap of electricity as it shoots out between the two metal rods crudely attached to the car battery. The realistic memories are so real they throw any sense of rationality she has out the fucking window.

And her body, god, her body hurts. Her side spazms (whether it’s voluntary or not, she can’t focus enough to tell), the skin feels hot and... Her stomach coils harshly as she gags— god she can swear she smells her own flesh burning.

Her breathing hiccups, her throat constricts painfully as tears squeeze from her eyes. Through the haze, she just barely hears Emily repeat her question and gives a single, jerky nod. Her hands clasp tightly into the older woman’s, the soft clicking of their wedding bands hitting together offering her some semblance of balance, something that tethers her to reality. Emily’s thumb rubs slow, soft moving circles on the backs of her hands, distracting her from the awful memories. “What can I do to help?”

It takes a lot of effort for JJ to swallow, and even so, it hurts like she’s trying to get down a ball of lead from her throat. She opens and closes her mouth, unsure of how to respond, can’t even think clearly enough to form a rational response. Her eyes squeeze shut once more, a soft, scared whimper crawling its way from her chest. “It hurts,” she croaks through tears as if it’s enough to encompass everything she’s feeling. Her tone is clipped and sharp, laced heavily with the frustration she feels at herself, at being unable to decipher what’s real and what’s all just in her head.

Emily’s fingers squeeze her own firmly. “I know,” she whispers soothingly. “I know.”

JJ nods numbly, stiffly. The validation makes her relax ever so slightly and makes her feel less insane. She forces herself to focus on Emily, on every part of her (her voice, her proximity, the feeling of her breath just ghosting over her cheek, her scent), and slowly the memories feel less intense.

She leans tiredly into the older woman’s frame, using her steady heartbeats to count with in her own head.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and repeat.

Slowly, her breaths start to sync up to the rhythm and she’s left trembling in her wife’s arms.

Emily’s warmth is a jarring contrast from the cold visions, her body soft and gentle, so unlike the hard concrete ground and oh-so-real echoed pains of her past torments. “Where are you?”

A thick, hard swallow echoes into the room as JJ’s breath hitches. “Home,” she timidly responds, the end of her voice rising as if she’s unsure. The more rational part of her mind screams at her— where else would she be?

But everything feels so real. If she weren’t pressed up against the older woman, she swears the room feels cold, that she’s back in that warehouse hanging from rusted metal chains that dig into her wrist.

“That’s right,” Emily confirms gently. “You’re in DC in our home,” she clarifies just as softly.

“You’re real?” It comes out so soft, so timidly that she barely hears it. But JJ’s looking at her warily, as if she’s unsure of even that.

There’s a gentle pressure on the blonde’s wrist as the brunette moves her hand and gives it a squeeze. “I’m real. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

The room is silent for a brief moment, JJ’s shaking, steadying breaths filling the room with some noise. Her nails dig into the back of Emily’s hands as she stuffs her head firmly into the crook of her neck in attempts to control the tremors that wrack her small body. “Sing to me?” she finally croaks.

The older woman barely reacts to the request, moving her hand to stroke through long strands of blonde. She nudges her wife’s head with the side of her nose, her lips brushing against her forehead softly as she softly starts to sing. She wants to give JJ as many points of contact as possible, if only to reassure her that she’s real and that she’s not in danger. “Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn how to fly...”

Emily’s voice is soft and light, soothing JJ’s nerves significantly, especially at the choice of song. No one else but her wife would have picked that song. It reminds her what’s real, tethers her back to reality. The brunette’s chest rumbles steadily from her voice below the blonde’s cheek and she nuzzles further into it. Each passing verse Emily sings makes JJ feel lighter, safer.

(Tired, she adds to herself, eyelids feeling heavy. It’s been a while since she’s had an attack this bad.)

She blinks harshly when Emily sings the last line of the song, accurately aware of the sharp, cool breeze that blows across her body. Her head lifts and she blinks again in confusion when she accesses her surroundings: the cool grass tickles her ankles, the sounds of cicadas and crickets rings out and the moon shines brightly above them, casting them in a cool blue glow.

The older woman presses a lingering kiss to her wife’s temple. “I didn’t want you to feel like you were trapped,” is the quiet explination she offers and JJ accepts it with a simple nod. She crawls from the brunette’s lap and lays her head up on her thighs, staring up at the stars. Her heart rate is practically back to normal, and while her hands still tremble, she feels relaxed as Emily begins to run her fingers once more though her hair once more.

“There’s Orion,” she murmurs softly, her own line of sight up at the night sky littered in stars. She lifts a hand from JJ’s hair to point in the direction of the constellation.

The blonde hums softly, eyes following her wife’s finger before they dart off to the side. She licks her lips, pointing slightly off to the side of the brightest star in the sky. ”Big Dipper,” she murmurs before chewing her bottom lip in between her teeth.

Her eyes burn with tears, stomach coiling with guilt. Emily didn’t ask for this— she shouldn’t have had to deal with anxiety and panic attacks that weren’t her own. JJ knows it’s just as draining on her as it is on herself. She feels awful. She had ruined one of the few nights they had off all over a power outage. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t do that,” Emily chides softy, returning both her hands to her wife’s hair. “Don’t do that to yourself. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

JJ sniffs harshly, shaking her head once. “I do,” she insists on a broken whisper. “I just— I don’t...”

She’s cut off by one of the softest kisses Emily has ever given her, gently cupping her face between her palms. The blonde shivers at the contact, tears spilling at the overwhelming feeling of love she feels pouring out of her wife at the gesture. A soft sob leaves her mouth and Emily’s thumb gently strokes her cheek, pressing their foreheads together firmly.

“Don’t ever apologize for something that’s out of your control,” the brunette murmurs soothingly.

“I ruined the night,” JJ croaks timidly.

Emily’s eyes meet her’s, their fingers tangling together naturally. “You could never.” She presses a tender kiss to her cheek. “I rather you be okay over anything. That’s what matters to me. Your safety and well-being matters to me.”

The blonde’s breath shudders out as their palms press flush together. “I’ve got you,” Emily murmurs genuinely. “Through sickness and in health. I will walk beside you through whatever our lives may bring,” she recites with a soft smile, brushing the few tears from her wife’s face.

JJ’s shoulders slump at her wife’s words, her own hand coming up to curl at the hair at the base of the brunette’s neck. “I love you,” she murmurs thickly. “I love you so much.”

Their kiss is soft, but full of so much love and passion it makes them both dizzy. Emily gently grips her wife’s hip, propping herself up on her elbow in the grass. It feels so much like their kiss that sealed together their union, full of the promise of forever.

“Can we stay out here?” JJ asks through kisses, pulling back to press a few along Emily’s jawline, so unwilling to pull her mouth away from her wife but her need for oxygen becoming to much to ignore. She really doesn’t care what they do for the rest of the night— all she wants to do is spend it in the arms of the love of her life. But spending that time cuddled in the grass of their backyard while staring up at the stars sounded too perfect.

Emily presses a small kiss to her nose. “Anything for you.”

[cherryblossomtease]

Chapter 17

18 + only

warnings and summary - Masterlist

These two...

I don't really think I need to say more

Authors Notes:This chapter is safe for everyone although I've been told it might get you emotionally... so I’ll add a hurt/comfort warning.

Two nights later, the air has grown noticeably warmer and not because of the heat from the boat but the change in climate.

The music and wine flow like water starting even before dinner so that by the time the small feast is finished, you’re feeling a good buzz and hinting at what you really want, what you’ve been craving and longing for. You can feel it in your bones, aching to be satisfied. It’s a deep sort of innate calling that can not be ignored and if you don’t give into it soon, you refuse to be held responsible for your actions…

So when Doja Cat starts singing so sweetly through the million dollar sound system that your eyes roll shut, you smack your hands down on the table and push your chair back, jumping up to give into that primal call because tonight— all you want to do is dance.

The second Zemo explained how the ships blocking technology would allow you travel undetected while still allowing for satellite use, you started abusing it to get into your Spotify and randomly put together a playlist knowing you’d need a night like this eventually. As tough as he can be about breaking rules— especially ones that involve real life consequences— Zemo is first of all; a sucker for a good dance night just as much as you are, and second; a complete pushover when it comes to the things you want. So when you pout just enough and ask real sweet, he does finally give in realizing that no amount of punishment can stop you. It’s Bucky who seems to forget about the playlist and who —surprise— refuses to get off his ass and dance, even though you try to get him to join you.

But you don’t care. You leave him and make your way into the lounge with its dim lighting, open floor and low couches letting it become your dance floor and take up the space beautifully; so much so that you don’t even notice you’re out there alone. You just keep singing “kiss me more”, grinning like a girl with 'nothing to lose' tossing your head back with a laugh, feeling the high.

Bucky sets his fork down and leans to the side in his chair watching over his shoulder. Zemo takes a swallow of wine, his eyes never leaving the sight of you framed by the lounge doorway as the sway of your hips and bounce of your ass becomes hypnotic. You toss your softest curves like sexual extensions of the music loving every beat until the last, and the song fades.

Resting your hands on the small of your back, you catch your breath with a wide grin. That was the perfect warm up. These poor boys have no idea what they’re in for…

You quickly turn and find them watching. A flush rises up your neck from the attention, growing your smile until it beams. “What?” But you know what.

Bucky shakes his head looking off, “That one on there twice?” He deadpans and tosses a piece of bread in his mouth.

You roll your eyes, laughing as you head back for the table, very much flattered by his— compliment— only to be stopped before you can sit down by the glorious voice of the one and only Whitney taking over the surround sound, declaring that she wants to ‘Dance With Somebody’.

You toss your arms in the air with a high pitched squeal making Bucky recoil like you’re a woman possessed.

“Oh come on! How can anyone resist this!” You shout at him over the distinct sounds of the 80’s and growl in frustration when he won’t budge. You huff and shove his shoulder, leaving him to go twirling back into the lounge again.

This is exactly what you’ve been craving. A night of good booze and food and solid, sweat inducing, “don’t give a shit what you look like” dancing. You’re already hopping around, feeling the delightful agony of wishing you had someone to dance with as only she can make you feel and singing at the top of your lungs, when you’re joined by, well, not the unlikely but still surprising presence of the Baron, just in time for him to perfectly mouth the lyrics along with you and Ms. Houston—

“I need a man who’ll take a chance

on a love that burns hot enough to last”

You jump back, hand over your mouth in delighted shock as you laugh louder than the music. Well aware of his hilarious charm, Zemo's smile grows as wide as yours.

Hands on your hips he yanks you forward and your thighs part to straddle his one. You let your head fall back dirty dancing style and slide your hands over his shoulders as he tickles your skin with a kiss between your breast —he’s been eying the plunging neckline of your white tank top since you came up for dinner — then lifts you back up, taking your hand and giving you a spin, your vintage Givenchy skirt flowing around your legs light as air.

You whirl into his arms, back pressed to him, your palms sliding along his thighs in those soft chinos as you wind your hips down and up feeling his hands close to near fists around your biceps. He’s got you held close as the two of you move, his cheek pressed to yours, his breath light down your neck and chest as you sing the verse alone this time with your eyes closed.

Never mind wanting to dance with somebody, you know what you want to do with him— wait, is that what this song is about?

He tosses you around and smiles at you with a look in his eyes that hints at maybe going below decks, hot as this is you still only want to dance and shake your head pulling free, rolling your eyes at him.

Zemo is too quick and grabs your arms again, pulling you into a hard kiss. He says something painfully sexy in Sokovian as you part, but you don't let on that he's almost got you and simply shrug, wink and slip away. He smiles as he waves a finger in your face like you might be in trouble for denying him but you just laugh harder thanking him for the dance.

Resigned to coming in second to the music tonight, Zemo waits besides you; both of you wondering what song will play next. You hope for something that will keep him on the floor because having Helmut back in your life like this is incredible. You glance at him, still amazed at how he transforms into this, fun, carefree man, so ready to live in this vibrant way. Master manipulator, wanted killer, singing and dancing to Whitney, sure. Why not.

You're grinning at him, swooning honestly, hopelessly swept up in what feels like a revival of the life you had as well as a celebration of what you’ve welcomed. Yes the dynamic has changed but only for the better. So, when the blaring call of very early 1940’s trumpets come blasting out of the speakers joined by a joyful dance rhythm unexpectedly, you and Zemo turn in unison to Bucky.

“What the…” You pull a face.

Bucky lifts his head looking confused for a second, followed by the widest smile you’ve ever seen. “Hey! This is the one I asked Zemo to put on there!”

You can’t help it and smile back. He can be saccharine sweet sometimes.

As the big band kicks in and the music builds you see him light up and leave his chair to join the two of you “May I cut in?” Bucky asks politely only glancing at Zemo.

“Please,” He answers and you notice how his eyes narrow ever so slightly when he looks at Bucky. There is something arresting about this and you quickly look from one man to the other as Helmut quietly goes back to enjoy the rest of his wine and the show.

“Just follow my lead doll; this song really swings.” Bucky says like he’s back at the dancehall and the crowd has parted just for the two of you.

“Oh my god. No. Bucky no.” You cringe, distracted by his— enthusiasm. Covering your face with your hands to hide the secondhand embarrassment, you watch him circle you through your fingers clearly not caring at all. When he reaches out and grabs your wrist without warning you scream, erupting with laughter as he tosses you away and into a spin.

It takes all of twenty seconds and a few fancy moves to realize that all the times you’ve teased the poor man about his terrible dance skills have been completely unfair. Your assessments have been based solely on the fact that you’ve been dragging him to clubs that bump with top ten hits. You want him to grind when really, Bucky just wants to glide.

Even in shorts and a loose button down he shines like a star out of time, so you just let the Sergeant do his thing and it’s ridiculously fun; even when you don’t know what’s going to happen next.

He pulls you close with his right hand keeping it firm on your back, while his black and gold cradles your left so gently. When the music breaks, Bucky leads you in a few turns and box steps that have you gazing at him. He just smiles and says in your ear, “Just trust me” Your eyes flutter shut at his words “Hands on my shoulders” He says and quickly takes you by the waist, lifting so that your legs go swinging up and out just like you’ve seen in old movies, letting you come down just as easy.

“Yeah?” He nods with a grin knowing you love it.

“Yes!” You laugh.

“Now this,” He says not missing the beat and hops you up swinging your legs past his waist and around his back so easily you’re standing on his other side and right back into a rocking box step before you have time to say a word. You just let it go on, and when the song comes to an end too soon for your liking, Bucky drops you into a dip so low that you cling to him, looking up into his eyes.

“Oh,” You sigh, understanding Bucky’s era a little better while feeling light headed, and not because of the dance. Why would anyone ever stopdancing this way? Now imagine if I actually knew what I was doing!

He’s grinning and cradles the back of your head, gently kissing you before lifting you back up onto your feet.

“That was incredible” You say breathless, “Really, I wish you would have shown me you know how to do that sooner!”

You swear he nearly blushes as he shrugs. “Never really had the chance.”

Zemo’s light applause gets your attention. Both of you turn in unison, your faces radiating the energy of the music though inside your heart is hurting as you glance at Bucky again. Remnants of your conversation from the bath come flying back to slice through the happy fabric of this night even though you’re trying your best not to think about it.

Zemo is smiling, albeit somewhat painfully which is not lost on you. But Bucky is distracting as he turns away to hide a confusing smile, batting those long lashes, averting those obscenely large blue eyes. Whoever gave a grown man permission to have eyes the size of a Disney princess should be drawn and quartered…

You inhale a shaking breath. It’s your warning of rising emotions that you don’t want getting in the way of your fun dance night. Damn it Barnes.

You sigh wondering if you’ve always loved him this much, or if it’s knowing that he won’t always be there that has you so taken with him tonight. Not so long ago he was just your best friend with lots of benefits. Now that just seems silly, like you were afraid to admit that you could love them both.

But here you are.

Bucky isn’t looking at you though.

You’re standing right next to him and his gaze is not swayed by you in the least.

As you slowly catch your breath from all the dancing —though you might lose it again with the way his profile glows in this lighting— for the first time since all of this began, you find yourself actually wanting him to look at you, but he’s too busy gazing at Zemo.

For a split second you feel the awful twinge of jealousy. It’s something you’ve never even considered before, but then again you’ve never felt this way; in fact you’ve been dealing with all sorts of wonderful, sometimes awful new feelings and you have to question why you torture yourself like this.But all it takes is one look at them and you know— one look at Bucky looking at Zemo and you see how he lifts his eyes with a sort of longing, some slightly sad bit of hope— it melts your heart and quiets the green eyed monster instantly. You can’t fault him, you used to look at Helmut the same way.

Speaking of, you notice the man himself take another long swallow of wine before standing. He crosses the floor looking like he really wants to say something— something important? You brace yourself for whatever it may be, but the the next song begins before he gets the chance.

Zemo stops in his tracks, recognizing it from the first note. He glances up towards the ceiling, his eyes scanning like he might locate the source of the music, then back down at Bucky. There’s a funny look on his face, almost like he’s been caught? But he doesn’t stop it from playing.

The drums, the keys, the dramatic intro… You know this song, just not this version. It’s actually one of your favorites, but really? Disco?

“Zemo. This is all you, isn’t it?” You groan with your hand on your hip, trying not to show him how utterly adorable he can be. You actually love his random taste in music but maybe some rules for the playlist next time…

He holds up a finger. “Don’t shit on disco.” He warns coming closer.

“Pretty sure I’m happy I missed this era.” Bucky mumbles. He rolls his eyes and attempts to go sit back down but Zemo is quick and grabs his arm as he passes. “No, you’re already here.” He says holding Bucky firm and they look at one another— the single fold of Helmut's dark-blue short sleeve pulls tight against the curve of his muscle showing the strong tension between them which you find inappropriately attractive— Bucky looks down like he’s surprised if not slightly offended and Zemo eases his hold tilting his head with a smile. As a reminder of the hierarchy on board he pulls Bucky ever so slightly closer.

“Disco is the music of a revolution James. Everyone was told to hate it by the people who feared it, and the culture it represented which is a shame. Some of the greatest anthems came from that time, inspired by the people who fought for us to have the freedoms we take for granted. People without our privilege. You should respect it a little more.”

Bucky leans back opening his mouth to argue but closes it just as quickly. He can’t object to that.

You just grin. Zemo going on a sociopolitical tangent always makes you swoon.

His expression does soften though, and he smooths his other hand down Bucky’s chest, letting his fingers slip under the open collar of the soldier’s loose shirt. “You see if I was not a criminal, and you were not an avenger,” He looks over at you and smiles. “And she were not an accomplice to our many sins; we could walk down certain streets displaying our relationship without much retaliation.” Bucky nods, appreciating his simple explanation even though it’s not needed. He certainly understands the point. “Also, it should be noted that while Thelma Houstons version of this song is absolutely categorized under disco, this, is an R&B classic.

Of course he knows that. You can only laugh to yourself as you’re easily reminded in the moment that you are very much in love with two men.

“And” He looks at Bucky again, all the humor gone replaced by a softness that surprises you. “I did not intend for it to play,”

The wine may have dulled your senses but not so much that you can’t pick up on the unease between them and you call for the song to skip not wanting either of them to feel uncomfortable. But Helmut shakes his head and finally lets go of Bucky’s arm only to touch his face.

“No,” He says to you without taking his eyes off of Bucky “It’s all right. I think now is the perfect time” You see Bucky almost smile at Zemo as he tells the device to start the song over but instead winces like he hates that its starting again.

“Please don’t” Bucky tries to joke and groans, pulling away. He pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. He’s laughing to himself and you can hear that in spite of his attempts, whatever this is, is anything but funny. But for what its worth he doesn’t go and sit.

Helmut just stands there looking at him as the music starts again and you smile because of Bucky’s irritation, thinking you’ll see the same playfulness in Zemo, instead you find his eyes looking ever so slightly dejected. But the beat distracts you from your concern and you start moving; shoulders first, head to the side hips hitting the beat. This is not what you were expecting.

Don’t leave me this way.

I can’t survive, I can’t stay alive

Without you love

Don’t leave me this way no

You hum along, your eyes shutting at the deep, restrained sadness of the baritone voice surrounding you while they stand there looking at each other.

This won’t do.

You step behind Bucky smoothing your hand down his vibranium arm and lift his hand to lay it on Helmut’s shoulder, swaying Bucky’s hips with yours until he’s sort of moving on his own.

Still they keep looking at each other like there’s some barrier between them and it’s strange but this song is… Helmut picked it?

You smile and lay your head on Bucky’s back reaching your hand through the space between his arm and waist and grab Zemo’s shirt bringing them close, thinking for once the Baron could use a little help.

Dont leave me this way,

a broken man with empty hands,

oh baby please please,

don’t leave me this way

Your eyes flit up and around, catching a glimpse of Zemo who gazes at Bucky like he’s trying to make a memory of his face without being caught in the act and you feel the words of the song heavy in your heart, their straight forward meaning striking a nerve as the music builds and the absolute need to move your body takes hold.

You leave Bucky, bouncing off into your own world, which when you close your eyes becomes a shower of glitter and light across a dark dance floor…

Baby, my heart is full of love and desire for you.

So come on down and do what you’ve got to do

You started this fire down in my soul

Now can’t you see it’s burning out of control

Come on Satisfy the need in me

Cause only your good love can set me free

The stir of music and words flows through you like honey. Your fingers slide down your neck between the valley of your breast and over your stomach as you twist and turn and you let yourself feel the pull between the beat that wants you to be happy, and his voice insisting otherwise, and this damn song threatens to rip your heart out.

You open your eyes and turn to them wondering what you might find. Much better… Bucky has finally given in.

He could no sooner resist Helmut than you could a hard beat and a good bass line. Not to mention Zemo knows how to win a man over. Tonight he moves just as he should for this one. It’s hardly dancing as you might define it, but the Sergeant won’t show off unless he’s got trumpets and band leaders to inspire him apparently, but as you sway, you see how Helmut puts his arms around Bucky’s neck when the next verse begins and Bucky slowly moves his hands to Zemo’s back, letting his body do what comes naturally, and they look beautiful as they move together creating their own flow. No it’s hardly dancing, but it seems to be what they need right now.

Don’t you understand I’m at your command

Oh baby please don’t leave me this way

Helmut takes hold of Bucky’s shirt collar, his other hand flat on his chest as he finally lets Bucky see the way he’s been looking at him since the song began, since the night began, since this morning… always.

I can’t survive

I can’t stay alive

Without you love

Dont leave me this way,

No

You stop dancing because you see it too and press your fingers to your lips, inhaling deeply as you watch Bucky grab the Baron’s arms with a pent up aggression that makes you think you might forget how to breathe as it becomes clear…

Helmut hadn’t meant for Bucky to hear this song because when he chose it, his heart was breaking, but he wants him to see now. He needs to be vulnerable in front of the man he loves. But you have to wonder, why this night?

The three of you stand frozen in the center of the room while the music dances around you…

I don’t want you to go

See I love you, you can’t go

Would you stay with me, stay, stay with me please…

The desperate look in Helmut’s eyes as he searches Bucky’s face makes tears well unexpectedly in your own and you know you’re about to find out what’s happened between them that you were not a part of.

“I’m sorry.” Helmut says stepping back, letting go. He’s standing too still as the next song, thankfully a quiet one, simply asks “who’s going to drive you home” His frown is deep even though he’s clearly not angry, maybe just a little scared. “James…”

“Don’t apologize.” Bucky says, turning away with a heavy sigh like he knew this was coming. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes not sure he wants to hear it. “Please don’t. It’s fine.” The way he turns back to look Zemo in the eyes —all stoic super hero tough guy— you can tell he’s being dismissive and distant to protect himself but the cracks in his facade are showing.

“No. No it was anything but fine.” Zemo insists sounding very calm, but angry with himself as he stares right back at Bucky.

“Really. I-I shouldn’t have said anything,” Bucky says and ducks his chin, his defenses breaking. He goes quiet, sighs and speaks to the floor. “It’s just being here, with you and her; everything we’ve done together…” He glances up but finds it hard to keep eye contact “I got carried away, maybe saw something that just isn’t there”

Wait. You see tears in his eyes and step forward. Is this what you think it is?

“That’s not true.” Helmut wants to say more but he falls short and turns away, pressing his finger to his lips in thought. He looks down before glancing over at you.

You love him, you do, but you know how he can be. He pushes back when it gets real. He doesn’t mean to and you know he won’t always, but you’re afraid he has now, so you simply smile and nod hoping he will listen to your silent plea and just say what’s in his heart. It’s the least that Bucky deserves.

Head tilting very slowly, Helmut seems to come to a realization as he looks at you. He hears and sees. He knows.

Quickly looking back at Bucky, his chest rising with a deep breath, he finds the words, and you quickly take the moment to look at James Buchanan Barnes too— the man who is the other half of your heart. The soft, gentle protecter who holds you when you cry, who makes you laugh even when he’s upset just to make you feel better— if he’s all of that and more to you, what must he be to the man who met him first?

Helmut reaches out, grabbing Bucky by the shoulder, his grip inching up along his neck in an attempt to get him to look into his eyes. His other hand goes to Bucky’s face turning his head until Bucky has no choice but to look at him and Helmut smiles, looking a little relieved for it. His thumb brushes the soft shadow of Bucky’s stubble and you see so easily how deeply he cares. “I should not have walked away. That was wrong and I am sorry. Forgive me James— please.” Brown eyes gaze into blue, flitting back and forth quickly looking for any sign to go on, but he can’t wait, not now. “I never thought I’d hear you say those words to me and I was not ready.” He swallows hard, but the tears are coming anyway.

Bucky’s vibranium hand closes around Zemo’s wrist like he wants to break free but his heart won’t let him. “I thought maybe I’d said the wrong thing, or— maybe that’s not what this is?”

Fuck he sounds so hurt. You have to cover your mouth with your hand as you very quietly walk away and go to sit by the pool letting them have this alone…

“No” Helmut says, his attempt at a reassuring smile anything but as they come closer and their mouths almost meet as though they might kiss, but instead their foreheads touch and push angrily against one another. No —not one another— against the world and the many choices made by other people who sealed their fate as enemies long before they ever met. Thankfully neither of them were very good at listening to decisions made by other people.

“You were right.” Helmut says softly. “You were right and I should have said it back,” He shuts his eyes and exhales slowly feeling the weight lift from his chest. Wanting to see that perfect face when he says it, Helmut pulls back and speaks the truth as he should have this morning. “I do, James. I do love you.” He says without looking away, “Very much.”

The look of pain on the White Wolf’s face is in stark contrast to the joy in his heart. A burst of laughter, more like a release of the many emotions Helmut has put him through today escapes his lips just before their mouths meet in a hard kiss that draws a moan from him, muffled against Helmuts lips.

Bucky opens his eyes while they are still close, wanting to remember Helmut Zemo with tears on his lashes the first time he says those words.

“I’m sorry too.” Bucky says when they part. Their hands still gently competing to touch one another. He wins for now, brushing the thick lock of hair from Helmuts brow.

“For what?” Helmut asks, his rough voice so quiet.

“If I could stay…” Bucky sighs.

“I know.”

“I don’t want to leave you, either of you.”

“I know you don’t”

“I swear it.”

“I know”

“I love you Helmut.” Bucky insists grabbing at him.

“I know.”

“I thought I could make it work somehow… figure something out but. But apparently not. I guess I’m not the smart avenger.”

Helmut smiles. “Stop talking James.”

Bucky laughs even though he feels like crying and Zemo kisses him lightly, holds his face, looks into his eyes and kisses him again before hugging him.

When he moves his hand as though he expects to feel something or someone, he turns to look for you and you notice from your place far across the deck. He calls your name and you get up going to them.

You move in slowly not wanting to intrude, but he gives you a funny look and reaches for you, pulling you in the second you are close so quickly, that you practically collapse into their arms. Both he and Bucky make room until you are welcomed into the warmth showing that you were never excluded, you are as much a part of the heartache as you are the love.

A kiss from Zemo comes first; firm, thankful, he loves you, he needs you. A second from Bucky; soft, elated — you both grin— “Should have played the disco version,” Bucky says dragging his gaze from your eyes to Zemo’s “At least disco makes people happy.” He teases, smiling when you do. Bucky brushes your cheek with the back of his hand, turning his warm palm to hold your face for a second before raising his head to see if the Baron is in a lighter mood.

Zemo sighs “It— doesn’t hit the same” He says with that glorious accent chuckling a little when you cackle. Even Bucky knows it’s funny. “Besides; happy, sad, the point is to feel,” Helmut goes on as you turn to put your arms around your beloved Sokovian Baron laying your head on his chest. His kiss is lost in your hair and you pull back to see his face.

He looks at you, never embarrassed by his emotions, just impressed by his own ability to be wonderfully dramatic. “She knows how I get. With wine and good music there are no guarantees which side of me you’ll uncover,” He says stroking your arm.

“Well I like every side.” Bucky replies. You look over your shoulder at him watching his smile alternate between cute and suggestive and you can feel the electric charge between them. There is more to it than the animal attraction that was always there before, now there is the security of professed love and doors that have been opened tonight will never close again.

Zemo’s muscles tense ever so slightly, his touch changes and instead of the flat of his fingers you feel his nails. The rhythm of his stroke pauses, he holds you tight and nods for Bucky to come close and they kiss again. When they part you all do, Bucky and you standing together facing him.

“You forgive me for my reaction earlier?” Zemo asks sounding so sweet you hardly recognize his voice.

Bucky looks at him for a while and so do you. Thick dark hair, parted as always, brown eyes sparkling in the warm low light, shirt open enough to distract— his smile is so dangerous. God you’d forgive him for a long list of things.

“Yeah, of course. And, I had a feeling you’d come around, she said as much a few days ago.”

Zemo looks down at you curious.

“Well, you’re not very good at hiding it. I knew you loved me before you did.” You say scrunching your nose at him.

He laughs like he’s been ganged up on but quickly gives in with a sigh, knowing damn well this is true. Helmut shakes his head looking from one face to the other, pinching your chin, laughing softly again. “Listen to me. Both of you.” He says pulling you back into his arms, laying his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “We reach our designation at the end of the week. I won’t spend the time I have with the two of you thinking of the time that I don’t,”

You couldn’t agree more. Enough. You all know how it will end, it’s your time together that matters.

“Since I am apparently so horrible at keeping my feelings to myself.” He teases to your mutual amusement. “I won’t. I love you both, and I’ll show you as I always have. I only want one thing from you James.” He says making Bucky perk up. “Let me claim you as I haven’t yet,” He says, his hold on Bucky’s shoulder tightening slightly. It’s an ask because Zemo respects him enough not to demand it— but the moment Bucky says yes there will only be commands.

Please say yes, you bite your lip waiting.

Bucky actually does the same thing, a habit he’s picked up from you and you giggle to yourself watching how his pretty pink lip goes a shade darker when he lets it free from his teeth. He’ll give in of course, but for a moment he needs to resist, just to stay true to his stubborn nature.

When he lifts his head again he actually looks at you because he knows you’ll share this experience with him— of course you want this.

And then he looks at Zemo. The man whose name he’d once written on his list of people to kill— now the man he would protect with his own life.

Bucky reaches out and takes his hand and any worry of rejection, no matter how small fades from Helmut’s eyes as his smile spreads wide and warm, and loving. And Bucky gives a soft but very clear, yes.

*

End Notes: I listened to this playlist on endless repeat while writing this chapter. Not all of the songs feature in the story of course but damn did it get me in that headspace. Sometimes you just need to put on some sexy sad timeless campy glam and be dramatic for no damn reason. So if you need a little over the top joy in your life, have a listen, but don't say I didn't warn you.

[dream-a-little-bigger-x]

Parallels | Chapter 4

Add yourself to my taglist! | Here’s my masterlist! | Parallels Masterlist

Characters: OC! Violet Grace Dawson, Luke Patterson, Julie Molina, Carrie Wilson, Bobby Wilson, Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer, Flynn nolastname, Willie nolastname, Nick Danforth-Evans, Dirty Candy 

Guideline: Sunset Universe is the universe in which Sunset Curve is famous and Violet is friends with Carrie, Julie and Flynn. Candy Universe is the universe in which Dirty Candy is more famous and Sunset Curve has broken up. 

Song(s) used: Clued Up - Little Mix 

Warnings: none

Words:  2,845

It was almost midnight when the two girls collapsed on the floor of the dance studio after having rehearsed every single Dirty Candy song at least twice. Violet had almost gotten everything down. 

“Will you tell me more about the other universe?” Carrie asked as she stared at the off-white ceiling overhead. 

Violet turned her head a little to look at her best friend before facing the ceiling too. “Where should I start?” 

“Are we friends?” Carrie questioned without missing a beat. 

“Yeah, we’re best friends with Julie and Flynn. We spend most days in Julie’s garage, making music. We wrote at least a dozen songs together, I believe.” Violet smiled at the memory of them writing their first song together just a few years ago. It was one of their proudest moments together. 

Carrie then sat up straight, the movement capturing Violet’s attention. “Will you show me one?” she asked, and Violet shot up into the seating position too. “Please?” 

Violet’s eyes darted across the room where she found a bunch of instruments stalled. With a smile, she got up and made a beeline for the acoustic guitar in the corner before returning and sitting down opposite of Carrie. 

After having tuned the guitar to her liking, Violet placed her fingers on the correct strings and started playing. An upbeat melody chimed through the room seconds before Violet’s voice followed. 

“Hey, yeah, no, oh, oh, yeah, mmm” Listen, I used to dress like everybody else I wanted to just blend in They told me no, keep my dreams on the low Told me I'd never win, yeah I love to be different Guard up to opinions then let 'em in Tear me down, wanna see me drown Like being happy is such a sin, uh-huh”

Violet looked up for a second to find Carrie watching her with the softest smile on her face, the way Carrie always looked at her. It made her feel at home. 

“And now I'm older, it's never over It don't stop affecting me, the world keeps testing me I'm getting on track with every knock back On a bad day, I just gotta stay, stay, stay, stay”

Violet’s voice grew stronger as she lapsed into the chorus with Carrie watching her intently. 

“I stay clued up and I'm ready To love the good and live the bad C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have 'Cause sometimes it's beauty, sometimes it's pain Sometimes it's sunshine and sometimes it's rain I'm c-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have”

“Woah-oh-oh, woah-oh-oh Woah-oh-oh, woah C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have”

She slowed it down again, her voice mellowing out during the second verse. 

“Invisible, I feel like I'm forgotten Do you even notice me? Yeah Work myself up, let the nerves take over How I feel isn't what you see I need control, don't know how to let it go I need to learn to let it be, yeah Gotta remember nothing lasts forever So I'm just happy being me, oh-oh”

“And when I'm older, it's never over It don't stop affecting me, the world keeps testing me I'm staying on track with every knock back On a bad day, I just gotta stay, stay, stay, stay”

“I stay clued up and I'm ready To love the good and live the bad C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have 'Cause sometimes it's beauty, sometimes it's pain Sometimes it's sunshine and sometimes it's rain I'm c-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have”

To Violet’s surprise, Carrie joined in during the post-chorus, which caused a wide, genuine smile to fall on Violet’s lips as the two voices blended together. For a moment, it was like nothing had changed and she was still in her own universe. 

“Woah-oh-oh, woah-oh-oh Woah-oh-oh, woah C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have”

“I will never run, never run from a lesson I will never hide, never hide from the present All the ups and the downs All the heres and the nows, oh Everything I face, no, it's never forgotten 'Cause every single day is a chance I can blossom All the ups and the downs Yeah, I'm living right now, hey”

“Mmm, I'm living right now, yeah Aah, one, two, three!”

A giggle escaped Carrie’s lips before she tried her hardest to sing along with Violet. It ended up with her just echoing some of the words, but it added a certain quality to the song that Violet really digged. 

“I'm c-c-clued up and I'm ready To love the good and live the bad C-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have 'Cause sometimes it's beauty (beauty, no), sometimes it's pain (pain) Sometimes it's sunshine and sometimes it's rain (oh, sometimes it's rain) I'm c-c-clued up (up) and now I'm ready Just make the best of what you have”

“Woah-oh-oh, woah-oh-oh, oh, oh I'm c-c-clued up and now I get it Just make the best of what you have Beauty, but sometimes it's pain, mmh Sometimes it's sunshine, sometimes it's rain”

The last notes echoed through the space as the song came to an end, and made room for Carrie’s clapping and giggling. 

“That sounded great! Did you write this one?” she asked, intrigued to hear more about this universe of Violet’s. 

Violet smiled and placed the guitar next to her before answering. “Actually, you did…” 

Carrie’s eyes widened. “I did? Y-you mean your Carrie doesn’t sing about being popular and being the best at everything like I do?!” The girl was baffled at the idea that there were other subjects to write about than just popularity. 

“You should try it sometime,” Violet told her with a smile. “I’m sure you got something great in you. If Carrie from my universe can do it, then so can you.” 

“Sounds like a pretty good universe you lived in,” it sounded from the other side of the room and it didn’t sound like Carrie’s voice, whatsoever. Violet and Carrie turned their heads to find Bobby in the doorway. 

Violet smiled. “Actually, it was just okay. I don’t see you that often…” Bobby tilted his head a little before walking closer towards the girls. “What happened to Sunset Curve here? In my universe, they’re pretty big and touring the country at this very moment…” 

“We, uhm, we split up…” Bobby replied with a tinge of sadness in his voice. 

“What happened?” 

Bobby heaved in a deep breath before joining the girls on the floor. “Creative differences. I wanted to be famous, Luke was in it to prove to his parents he could make a career out of it, Alex just wanted to work out his frustrations and Reggie was just in it because his friends were…” 

“Oh, that sounds pretty terrible. Where are they now?” 

The boy shrugged. “Luke plays football, Reggie is focusing on his studies and Alex only has time for Willie.” 

“Who’s Willie?” Violet wanted to know, having never heard of the boy before. 

“Alex’s boyfriend,” Carrie replied, “And they’re the cutest couple on earth, I swear to God!” 

Violet’s eyes widened. “I knew Alex was gay. I swear the whole dating-a-different-girl-every-night was just a publicity stunt!” The Wilson siblings shot the girl a questioning look. “It’s a long story… But Alex is gay! Yay!” She excitedly clapped her hands, making the two teenagers in front of her chuckle. 

“So, any clue how we’re gonna get you back?” Carrie asked then. 

Violet smirked, “You already sick of me, Wilson?” Carrie’s mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. “I’m kidding. But no, I’ve got no clue whatsoever… There must be a reason why I’ve been brought here, right?” 

“I mean, you did tell me you wished someone would believe in me,” Bobby muttered, his voice laced with hurt and betrayal. 

Violet’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m sorry about that, Bobby… I’m sure I didn’t mean it…” 

The three kids let the words settle in their brain before the three of them burst out into laughter. That sounded weird, even considering the situation. 

For the rest of the night, the three of them brainstorm together, trying to figure out what reason could be behind the switch. There had to be a reason for her to suddenly show up here. It had to mean something. 

Determinedly, Violet stormed through the hallway towards where she last saw Julie, Flynn and Carrie. They were still at Julie’s locker and, like they had many times before, immediately shut up. This time, Violet ignored it and instead came straight to the point. 

“What’s this?” she asked and showed the girls the picture she had made of the news article in the trophy case. “This isn’t right! Sunset Curve broke up a year ago!” 

Just as the words left her mouth, a girl Violet could recognize from miles away walked her way. She had a strut in her step and her long, black hair swooshed behind her with every swaying step she took. 

“Kayla!” Violet called out and when her friend turned around, her face screamed disgust. 

“What do you want?” she asked, her tone laced with annoyance. 

Violet’s eyes flicked from Kayla to Carrie and back. Kayla and Carrie weren’t friends here. And neither were Violet and Kayla. Dirty Candy wasn’t a thing in this universe. Though the logo on Kayla’s badge that was pinned to her jean jacket said differently. 

“Nothing – N-nevermind.” Violet turned back to the girls she was previously talking to. “Does Dirty Candy exist?” she asked in a hushed voice. 

“Yeah,” Carrie replied, the volume of her voice matching Violet’s. “It’s Kayla’s. She created the band with Dana, Cynthia and Sophia.” 

Violet blinked a few times, trying to process all the information. “Dana’s in the band?” she whispered, and neither of the girls were sure if she was talking to them or not. “Dana got kicked out of Dirty Candy… Our Dirty Candy.” She said that last part to Carrie. 

“Vi, we were never in Dirty Candy…” Carrie told her with furrowed eyebrows. 

Julie lifted her hand to Violet’s arm. “Are you certain about that universe thing?” 

“Yes!” Violet groaned. “This isn’t the world I’m used to living in. In my world, Carrie and I are in Dirty Candy and we haven’t spoken in over a year since your mother died.” She pointed at Carrie first, then gestured to the two other girls before her gaze landed on Julie. 

Julie’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Her mother really did know more, she was certain of it. There was something she was hiding and Julie had to find out what it was. But first, she wanted to know more about this universe Violet seemed to come from. 

She grabbed Violet’s hand and dragged her towards the empty music room at the back of the school where no one ever came. This used to be Sunset Curve’s rehearsal space during their free periods and  now, Julie used it to work on her music when the girls couldn’t help. 

“Tell us more about that universe of yours,” Julie demanded as she hopped onto a desk in the corner. Her eyes flicked to the other two girls, searching for their approval before adding, “We wanna know everything.” 

“So, in my universe, your mother passed away. She got ill, really ill and after she passed, you lost your love for music. You didn’t sing a note for a year and we kinda lost each other. Carrie and I started to spend more time together afterwards and eventually created Dirty Candy. We grew our band with Cynthia, Sophia and Kayla, and became more and more popular the more we performed at school and at Chubbie’s pizzeria.” 

Carrie’s eyes twinkled at the idea of forming a band with her best friends, though she couldn’t quite see how she could start a band without Flynn and Julie. There was no Carrie and Violet without Flynn and Julie, or any other way around. 

“You have a Chubbie’s too?” Flynn questioned, earning a glare from Carrie and Julie. 

“That’s your question?” Julie shot back, shaking her head. She then turned back to Violet. “Continue, please.” 

Violet chuckled a little. “Besides rehearsals for Dirty Candy, I mostly hang out at Carrie’s where Bobby mostly mopes around because he doesn’t have any friends since Sunset Curve split up.” 

“Why’d they split?” Carrie wanted to know. 

“I don’t know, some drama, I guess? I don’t really pay much attention to him, to be honest.” A soft laugh escaped Violet’s mouth at the thought of teasing Bobby to the fullest with all her stupid pranks and witty comebacks during rehearsals. 

“Why’d you switch places with our Violet?” Julie then queried. 

Violet shrugged. “If only I knew that… The blogpost I found doesn’t really give a theory about why people switch places with their parallel self. It just – happened, I guess?” 

Julie mulled the answer over in her head whilst her teeth dug into her bottom lip in thought. She knew she could ask her mother about all of this. She had to know something about it. There had to be more that she could tell them. 

“I think there’s someone who can help us,” she muttered and jumped back on her feet. Her three friends followed behind her until they reached the street and they were on their way to Julie’s house. Their last period was a free period, so it wouldn’t really matter that they left school early. It was something they did quite often to go and jam in Julie’s garage. 

“Mom?” Julie called out as the girls entered the house. “Mom! You home?” 

Rose entered the hallway from the living room with a wide smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes that Violet hadn’t seen in years. The girl’s eyes widened upon seeing the curly-headed woman. She was alive. Alive and well and right in front of her. 

“You– you’re alive… Miss Molina… You’re alive. You’re actually–” Violet let out a surprised chuckle whilst tears pooled in her eyes. “You’re actually alive…” she breathed. 

Rose’s eyes darted from Violet to her daughter and the other girls before landing back on Violet. A light behind her eyes flicked on, signalling at the resemblance of the situation she had found herself in years ago. 

“I know what’s going on here,” Rose mumbled before heading into the kitchen. The girls exchanged glances before following the Latina woman. Violet and Julie took a seat at the table, opposite where Rose had taken a seat, while Carrie leaned against the counter where Flynn hoisted herself onto. 

With the girls’ expectant eyes on her, Rose heaved in a deep breath. “You’ve switched universes, haven’t you?” was the first question she asked. “You fainted and woke up in a world where you know the people but they lead completely different lives?” 

Violet’s mouth dropped, her eyes flicking to the other girls before focusing back on Rose. “Y-yes, that’s… That’s exactly what happened.” 

Rose smiled faintly. “I got myself in the same situation…” she admitted. “I was eighteen at the time and I had told my boyfriend at the time that I wished I lived in a world where he wasn’t such a jerk. Next thing I knew, I fainted and woke up in a world where my boyfriend was gay and my friends led completely different lives from mine. I was in a band, Rose and The Petal Pushers, and we were pretty famous there. All my other friends either didn’t talk to me anymore or were in my band.” 

Carrie and Violet exchanged a quick glance. That sounded an awful lot like them. 

“How did you get back here?” Flynn questioned from her spot on the counter. 

Fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist, Rose continued. “There’s this unfinished business I had to complete in that world and the Rose I knew had to do the same in mine. My unfinished business was getting Rose and The Petal Pushers in a band while the other Rose had to help find my boyfriend’s way out of the closet…” she smiled at the memory that floated back to the surface. “Aside from marriage and having two beautiful children–” she tucked a strand of Julie’s hair behind her ear with a smile, “The switch was the biggest adventure of my entire life.” 

“Wow, mom,” breathed Julie. 

Violet nodded her head, “That’s a crazy story, miss Molina.” 

Rose scoffed and reached for Violet’s hand. “Please, you call me Rose in this universe.” 

A smile landed on Violet’s cheeks. “Thanks for the reassuring story, Rose.” 

“I hope it calms your nerves and worries about all of this.” 

“It definitely does.”  

Rose smiled before patting the girl’s hand. “So,” she said, “What’s your unfinished business?” 

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[yeochikin]

what is music to you? | k. hongjoong

a/n: when i’m telling you that i’m almost crying as i work this fic, i’m really almost crying. this is one of the softest fics i ever worked on dfjhd also hehe this was requested by @closer-stars, love u bb. dont scream at me later hehe mwaH 😘✨💖

word count: 2.1k!

main focus: hongjoong x fem. reader

warning(s): do ignore any inaccuracies if there are any, and please forgive me for any mistakes in this as this has not been proofread!

“joong?” your soft voice called out into the studio room as your head peeked into the room.

further into the room, sat a blue haired boy, almost resembling a blueberry, on the couch situated in the middle of the room. his back was hunched over the coffee table in front of him as your ears could pick up the faint sounds of the tip of a pen scratching against a paper’s surface in a hasty manner along with his low mumbles and humming. no doubt he is either jotting down a newly found lyric that popped into his mind while working on the many buttons and instruments of his many equipment that were provided for him. or, he was merely polishing some of the lyrics he was satisfied with. 

either way, he was clearly in his own world once again. 

a low chortle rumbled out of your lips at the sight of the ever so busy man in front of you who had failed to recognise your presence in the room. but then again, you are just literally standing with your head peeking into the room instead of actually walking in. and walked in was what you did, gently closing the door behind you. upon walking further into the room, your eyes caught sight of the earphones plugged into his ears before your lips parted into a small ‘o’ out of realisation. it was no wonder he seemed so engrossed in his work. 

placing the boxed lunch you had made for him earlier during the day, it had seemed that the sudden placement was what made hongjoong halt his writing, half lidded eyes staring at the food then finally widening once he dragged his tired eyes away from it, wondering who suddenly came into the room. pulling his earphones out of his ears, the corner of hongjoong’s lips stretched out into a wide beam as he got up on his feet, bounding his way over you with his arms outstretched to pull you into a tight embrace. you couldn’t help but to release the light chuckle at his realisation, encircling your own arms around his torso. your eyes closed momentarily as soon as the scent of his cologne that made you intoxicated every single time wafted into your nose, a sigh of contentedness leaving both of your lips. 

“when did you get here?” you heard your blue haired lover ask you, though his voice a little muffled with how he buried his face against your hair, feeling him relax in your hold as your fingers ran up and down along his back out of habit. 

“mm, only a few minutes ago. though i called you earlier, but i guess you didn’t hear me the first time.” you replied, pulling away just enough for the two of you to examine each other’s faces.

hongjoong simply gave you a sheepish smile of his, a clear act of his as if silently saying that he didn’t mean to do so. of course, you had to understand. this is what he loved doing, the one thing that managed to ignite the burning flame of passion inside of him. of course, at times, you had to remind him that it was okay to take it easy at times. too much passion in you could only make you burn out so easily later on. 

“i’m sorry, my muse. but i just stumbled upon a new song today and i couldn’t help but to feel inspired by it.” your lover said, gently holding your hand into his as if it was the most fragile thing in the world, then guided you to sit down on the couch where he was previously sitting on. 

settling yourself down next to him, you watched hongjoong’s hands swiftly reached out for his notebook in front of him and opened up the page where his pen was idly sitting on, fingers itching to reach out for the object and continue his work in the first place. motioning for you to come take a closer look, the both of you looked down on the open notebook to hear what your lover had already come up with his brilliant mind. shoulder leaning against shoulder, you listened to every word that hongjoong uttered with intent eyes, even to the point of listening to him sing a certain verse to show you what he meant with a certain tone. 

sometimes, the question of how the both of you ended up together would linger in your minds. you two seemed so different. two people with different background stories and lives. but at the end of the day of wondering such a question, the both of you had your answer almost every time of asking said question.

music was the one thing that kept the both of you close.

to you, music was the one thing in your life that made your body to express itself in such a vague yet at the same time, filled with millions of words in them. the way music would fill itself in a dance studio you had for yourself for a day, or even in your own living room of your shared apartment, you let your body and mind lose itself to the beat of the song playing in your ears. from a joyful and upbeat songs playing in your playlist to the unspoken and filled with hidden meanings behind the lyrics was all expressed by the way you let music take its place in controlling you. you would be too deep in your emotions to even notice the tears that would cascade down your cheeks, visioning yourself in every second a beat would be played out. you resonate when you hear music, every bone in your body would be filled with excitement when the right frequency is struck. your skin would feel a burning tingle of wanting to move to the beat.

to you, music is also the one thing that keeps the bond between you and hongjoong close, having no signs of snapping anytime soon, or even later in the future. it was the way hongjoong’s hands on your frame as he took you in his arms while the both of you moved along the beat of a song, no matter what sort of song it was blaring through the speakers of a dance studio or your home speaker. and with such familiar music that played out from his group, the way he would openly teach you the choreography would make his chest swell with happiness and pride at how willing you were to learn their dances. 

now, to hongjoong, he would answer the same. however, his own perspective would sound completely different from your own, yet at the same time, still similar. 

to hongjoong, music was the one thing to make him express the words he couldn’t fully express and show towards his loved ones, especially to you. hongjoong believes that music is a type of voice that could speak to people in such different ways, and that it could help him express in a way he didn’t know would even exist. every time he spent his time listening to a song playing through his earphones, he felt as if his body was being carried out by the instrumentals while the words being expressed were enough to ignite the fire of inspiration in him to immediately get up on his feet to produce his very own song, whether it was a cover in his own style or his mixtape where the closest ones were able to have a privilege of the only ones being able to listen to it. 

to hongjoong, music was the one thing that kept the both of you filled with inspiration. it was the way the both of you would sit next to each other as you helped him in writing a song that made him feel that he was filled with so much love, being surrounded by the passion he grew to love from a young age with the person who has the same view of what music truly meant to them in their lives. the way you would even take the extra mile in staying up with him in order to help him whenever he was facing a creator’s block from time to time by suggesting your own words, would make his eyes filled with adoration at the passionate ton laced in your voice as you spoke while you pointed out whether an instrumental sounded off or the lyric behind it would mean something else. 

simply put, music was the one tying the both of you down in a relationship filled with inspiration and creativity, whether it was a song filling the room from your speakers or a simple dance routine being taught by one another, music was just as important as love in your relationship that you two shared. 

“y/n?” hongjoong’s voice managed to make you snap back into reality, immediately looking up at his face to let him know that he has you in full attention as you sat straight in your seat.

“do you want to listen to the piece that i’ve been working on lately?” he asked, a shy simper playing over his lips.

your eyes widened ever so slightly. no matter how many times he had asked if you wanted to listen to a snippet of his creations, it never fails to make you feel a little flattered that you would be the first one to have a listen to it. hongjoong, once he saw your reaction, laughed lightly and motioned you to give him a little moment to get up from his place then walked over to his computer. 

it was quiet for a bit, save for the few clicks, though it wasn’t anything uncomfortable. the silence the both of you shared during these certain moments were always filled with comfort instead. while he was busy, you distracted yourself by looking around the room, noting how there were a few crumpled up papers in his mini dustbin just next to his worktable until you heard footsteps coming up to where you were sitting. 

suddenly, you heard it. the beat of the song he was so busy working on the past few days played in your ears. you let your shoulders slump in relaxation once the gentle notes of a piano mixed in with a violin dance in your ears, your fingers tapping against your knee to the beat. 

an outstretched hand made its way into your line of vision, making you look up at the blue haired boy in question. his lips twitched up as his eyebrow quirked up, silently asking you to take his hand. without even objecting to his request, you took the offer and stood up from your seat. a soft gasp was emitted from your lips when you were pulled against hongjoong almost instantly. the both of you stared into each other’s eyes, both filled with the familiar adoration and fondness swirling in your irises before hongjoong lifted his hand that was not holding yours, to lightly graze his knuckles against the side of your face, you responding almost immediately to his touch by leaning against his hand. you reached your other hand to rest itself on his shoulder, now starting to sway side by side to the song playing in the background subconsciously. 

though there wasn’t any voice singing along to the song, it was enough to let the both of you succumb into your own little world. nothing mattered at the moment, all you could focus on was each other. as the music seemed to pick up, hongjoong moved back ever so slightly and twirled you around, watching as the way your eyes twinkled with such giddiness in them along with the gentle titter you let out that reminded of him during the time when he first shared this moment with you a couple of years ago. 

the song was nearing its end, and the both of you found yourselves just absentmindedly swaying to the last few beats, hongjoong leaning in to rest his forehead against your own. your eyes fluttered shut, and a small beam played over the both of your lips. you could feel his arm tugging you close against his chest as he called out your name softly, voice barely above a whisper. you merely hummed in response.

“thank you for being the source of my inspiration, my muse.” 

and with those words said, his hand that was on your waist reached up to lightly tip your face up to meet with his by gingerly grabbing onto your chin with his thumb and index finger. slowly leaning in, hongjoong whispered those three words against your lips, finally pressing a kiss on your lips. you reached a hand up to rest itself on top of his nape as you moved your lips together as if it was a dance that only the two of you could share.

music was different in how the both of you would resonate with it. but no matter how different it was, the both of you knew that it would never cease to bring the both of you close.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

which bmc scenes make you the softest bc for me it's gotta be most of the stagedorks scenes ESPECIALLY a guy that i'd kinda be into. mostly bc of christine cause her and michael are my favs (i love them all sm though) but also bc of jeremy because he is a close second to both of them. also vimh but vimh makes me cry a lot although nowadays i can hardly watch one scene without at the very least tearing up. anyways yeah which ones make you soft

i simply rewatched bmc and took notes for this and really got off track at points in the sense of sticking to What Makes You Softest but that’s how it goes babey

ACT ONE - in mts when jeremy is just having a whole moment being smitten in christine's presence while she's inelegantly picking herself up off the floor and smearing on lip balm and adjusting a skirt wedgie - jeremy and michael just being default that glad to meet each other in the middle of a random schoolday - michael hyping up jeremy's crush on christine and just encouraging this momentum to get jeremy to sign up for the play - ilpr.....that christine stops after like, the first two verses and goes back to her book b/c she doesn't figure someone's looking to listen to her beyond that but then she sees jeremy's still 110% paying attention and the whole rest of the song enfolds with increasing enthusiasm - jake doing that whole bit "all the pressure i feel to be the best at everything all the time" lmao classic stuff here, depressing content delivered in this humorousse way. charming moment - "leave me alone, i've had a bad day" - 2pg......when michael taps jeremy on the shoulder to get jeremy to join in on his choreo, which jeremy then does.....that michael asks if jeremy will be too cool for Video Games and jeremy just responds Emotionally Directly......we love the Favorite Person moment......that this song just ends with the two of them grooving 2gether god bless - jeremy stammering and Tics and Fidgeting when the squip remarks uponst it - jeremy delivering the Looking Pretty Sexy Brooke as awkwardly as possible and she's just like "thanks :)" - jeremy's own Theatricality coming out......hey hamlet - jeremy spinning around in place alternately addressing both brooke and the squip with "oh i'm supposed to meet my friend michael" - nice little detail wherein brooke signals for chloe to join in on her choreo - speaking of, v fond of the Moment jeremy is in on both their choreo......brooke sort of alarming jeremy with her whole attempted grande finale, straw and all, ft. the first instance of her messing with his hair so much she's just tugging his entire head around - cute that jake and rich have a sort of 2pg-esque handshake routine too - jeremy's "that's sad, what should i do" reaction re: jenna - rich's Earnest invitation to come over and play xbox... - "bonjour, jeremy" "ooh brooke!" and this whole exchange, her complimenting him, him laughing at "That Was French" and remembering to ask about pinkberry - love the whole choreo sequence/s in sync up, especially fond of his Moments with the girls, bumping hips with chloe (twice), hearing some Gossip from jenna, posing with brooke.... ;__; - the bowling alley performance art exchange before agtikbi ;____; - agtikbi......the glittery hearts choreo.....the whatever! the interlude or whatever!!! the I Guess A Part Of Me section hhhhoughhh ;o; ;o; ;o; ;o; ;o; that she pulls him into a hug and puts her head against his shoulder omggg ;_________; - brooke just trying to interact with jeremy the Right Way w/o any guidance on the bleachers and it continues to be awkward and funny....like comforting just his Leg while he converses w/his squip.....how she just ends up Physically pushing him around by the hands and head and shoulder and etc......whole situation here in upgrade.mp3 clearly less than Ideal but jeremy and brooke are nevertheless very cute individually And together - meanwhile jake also trying to genuinely Be With christine in upgrade is also charming lol, quitting archery to hang w/a girl like her.... - i always love when the Playful Shove brooke gives jeremy at "but at the mall, you looked at me" pushes him back a whole few steps....this moment of them truly Getting each other sans anyone else's interference.....tres magnifique - jeremy being That psyched to see michael for the first time (in like, less than one full day lol)....michael being That psyched just hearing that jeremy's cool scifi thing worked out after all - lgw ;_________________________; - like i'm some normal, handsome guy..... - giving us All that silence after "The Problem Has Always Been Me" - the whole bit where he launches into the "I'm Not The [series of insults]" and i've realized it's really especially a stretch to say i'm Soft for these moments in lgw but i Am vulnerable and that's its power. little 1" tall will roland on my screen here just made me shed a real tear doing That.....

ACT TWO - brooke's Howl at the end of her verse lmawooo - oughhh jeremy and brooke Greeting each other at the party too, jeremy unable to disappoint her and going for the Real Compliment, just v charming. rip - jake and jeremy's danceoff lol hell yes and then jake just having Misunderstood the costume plan between him and christine lol - the squip getting in on the dancing :) go you funky little ai - jeremy and brooke singing that last verse of Halloween v enthusiastically at each other, - again that jeremy is just genuinely glad to see michael.... - the inherent intimacy of singing mitb b/c your bff dumped you..... - AGTIKBI REPRISE..... ;______________________________; hhhhuouuuoh my god :'3 the lil detail that at the Height of things christine is Shy and turns away.....just. This Scene oh my god - soft in a vulnerable way like, rip to jenna where we're seeing chloe's Lack Of Enthusiasm in accepting a call from her :[ - the Shift at the start of the pants song :] - and the lil mitb reprise during said pants song lmao, also always having a great time w/this concept of "maybe this teen having a rough time needs some guidance from someone grown w/all that bonus maturity here" - i wish there was a way i could help everyone but i don't know how so i guess i'll just do theatre..... - jenna being Moved simply being asked for the first time ever How She Is u_u then her being like "....Okay!" lmfao jenna's great - just have to say in whatever context i'm v fond of pitiful children there at the end lmfao the bass kicks in like that and we're having a great time - the audience always having that response to "all the way to broadway" - jeremy going "you came to see me in the play? :)" like, that he's processing the significance of that in the middle of these Very Raised Stakes - i'm soft for will roland's vocal glitching mouth noises live every night!!! - jeremy like "ha! >:)" flipping his squip off after he's successfully Apologized lmfaoooo love him - but then having that real And I'm Stronger Than You Think I Am victory like :'| - that michael's been by like a ton btw during jeremy's probably somewhat concerning coma. also cherish the lil dance he does while they're celebrating mr. heere's bepantsedness - jake and jeremy sharing a Dab - and just the Popular Kids actively seeking him out to help re: christine b/c they just Want To Be Supportive.....very nice - this vimh interlude or whatever with christine and jeremy like jlsdfhh i think of this all the time - me and the voices in my head have made up our collective mind ;__; what do they say we should do ;______; and the Woohoo! ;_______________; - huoughh kiss and you KNOW especially the [jeremy spinning away in sheer enthusiasm] of 2.0 just KILLS THE MAN ;O; - jeremy not missing a beat despite the squip's interruption leeet's GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - the more than survive na na na na na na na na na na na's but they're all So, and jeremy ending With everyone but also there with Himself and it's so Good and Everything Wants What Vimh Has!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hhrough ;0; - that jason does that spin at curtain call w/his excellent squip costume... - that in virtually any given curtain call when they get into line together there's that lil ritual of george smacking will's ass lmao love languages

i mean tl;dr quite Same in that like, most likely to inspire tearing up over something or other includes agtikbi reprise and vimh which is just like, again any finale wants what it has, and the I Guess A Part Of Me bit of the non-reprise agtikbi like Oof augh this is so cute, and lgw always Gets me, and while i was rewatching speaking of being soft and move-able i was also just continually struck with delight over various moments throughout, and noticing little details for the first time thank god. just Vulnerable the whole time