#the second one.................... only had one chapter posted and the author never updated since 2016 🙃

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

sorry to message but i just wanted to yell because I saw a post and yOU’RE THE AUTHOR OF FALLOUT FROM THE FADE ???? oh my goodness it’s my favourite fic ive read it SO many times.

i left a comment on ao3 last night because i finished reading it again and i just genuinely hope one day you finish it (i understand you have much going on i am just greedy).

but yes thank you so much for creating it, fenris and hawke are everything to me and this fic is my canon no matter what happens in veilguard. 💜

hahaha HELLO yes that is indeed I... I guess i do owe a little bit of an explanation here since its been uh... like 4 years since I last updated, yeah :| But it still makes me so happy that even after so long people still enjoy my little pile of suffering and yearning!

I don't know how many people who used to follow it are still on tumblr (I think a lot of people i used to write with/who would comment have deleted their tumblrs and AO3 accounts in the intervening years alas) but i do I owe anyone remaining a little context I guess lol. Long story made short is like very shortly after my last update i got broken up with unexpectedly from my 4 year relationship, and went into a bit of a spiral about it. I didn't fully stop writing at this point (though I think nothing I wrote in that like... year or more ended up posted anywhere), but I did realize that when I went to work on my ongoing stuff I was in a place where I was like... only wanting to write about anger/losing relationships rather than healing ones. And that part of me wanted to change some of the things I had planned for the following parts and ending of Fallout From the Fade. And so I decided to take a step back from it for a while to see if I actually wanted to make those changes when I was less bitter or if I wanted to follow my original plan.

And that took me about a year, emotionally. However by then I had actually left my prior job (where I spent a lot of time hiking/camping in the wilderness of Utah with no internet, and I used that time for writing), and started graduate school courses. Aaaannnd grad school has been slowly eating my life since. I've only posted I think one other fanfic since then, and it was a very short prose-poem one shot. Another contributing factor was my gaming tech was too old to actually play Trespasser when it came out, and by the time I got a laptop that could handle it, I had to replay the whole game but I was working full time, etc... and i felt really disconnected from the DA fandom since I couldn't read all the new fic/understand all the lore deep dive posts/experience it with everyone else simultaneously. Oh yeah and I work a second job as a professional mermaid in varying degrees of intensity depending on the season/oportunties available haha.

All that being said. I actually have written more of FFtF in the last 2 years. But like I said in the other post I made kinda recently, the long gaps between my later updates (vs the ones I was doing way more regularly in 2016-2018) had me rethink the approach I was using to write and post it, which was a chapter at a time. It felt like stringing people along in kind of a mean way to dump a chapter and then vanish for another year, and I knew I couldn't promise consistency while doing a masters/PhD program. So I've been kind of fiddling away at it slowly still, both actual writing of following chapters, and some substantial firming up/drafting sections in my outline to get to the eventual ending and ensure it's more cohesive than a lot of my slapdash chapters. But! Idk! I do also def work slower without the fun of having an audience, and miss that. and I never actually asked of the people who are left and still wanna read more of it, if they'd rather just get a chapter every 6 months or so as I scrounge it out. If you are one of those people and have an opinion def let me know.

I will say, the imminent presence of Veilguard does have me more inspired and creative again, and some of that has been going to Fallout. Especially since I'm no longer watching the videos/gameplay bioware is putting out since they have SOOO many spoilers and I wanna go into the game at least semi blind, so my creative energy has to go towards my personal stuff rather than joining everyone else in speculation and hype now. I'm definitely not promising I will have it close to finished by October when Veilguard releases, because I'm still in grad school and the next months are busy for me in terms of mermaid work too, but I am hoping I can make some good chunks of progress between now and then. But then if I say that and can't follow through after all I also don't wanna let people down.

Anyway yeah, it's sort of a lot of conflicting thoughts. But I'm still rotating Hawke and Fenris and this fic in my mind even these years later... which for me is honestly pretty normal. I mean I have whole original novels/worldbuilding ideas/etc that I've worked on for 10-15 years in my own time haha, I've been writing fiction for fun since I was like 10, so I think I also just think of stories/writing across a bigger timeline than people who start writing with fanfiction (which is MUCH faster paced) than original fiction. The difference of course is no one sees my original stuff so there's no one to care if i take 2 years between chunks of progress. SO I guess what I am trying to say is, yes definitely it is not abandoned, I am plodding away at it bit by bit, I also hope I can finish it one day!!!! that is within this decade i hope! whether or not anyone else is left to read it but me haha

[wehelddarkness]

x

[setsureadsshit]

Lost At Sea: A List of WIP’s I am finally letting go of [ Part 1 ]

Finally going through my subscriptions on AO3 and clearing out the fics that haven’t gotten an update in too many years or have been orphaned since the last time I looked at them but what chapters were posted are worth reading as long as you don’t mind being left frustrated. Could also be considered a final plea and/or thank you/love letter to the authors for having written them at all, I don’t know how many parts this will take because I have like, 7ish pages of subscriptions on AO3 lmao so just, you know *hand waves* settle in the ride with me.

With the Bodies in the Gutter by TriDom

Summary: Derek works with the FBI to dismantle sex trafficking rings from the inside out. It's grueling, but he never believed that the wear on him outweighed the good he and his team did. Until he finds his mate with a new group that had been taken. He jeopardizes everything to get him out, only to have to turn his back on him before his mate is even awake.

Last Update: 2017

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf; Sterek

Personal Notes: At 16 chapters it gives you enough progress to kinda feel satisfied. It dropped off at a kind of lull before ramping up into the next crisis action which also helps I think. Only mildly unsatisfying for not getting to the true “happy ending” but I’m not mad about it.

Where Is My Bright Future by Steamcraft

Summary: au: Derek and Stiles meet at a German camp.

“My name…” The boy trails, then grimaces. “Stiles Stilinski.”

Derek’s eyebrows rise. “Stiles. Nickname?”

Stiles nods. “You English, how is it… Butcher.”

That surprises a laugh out of him. Stiles looks startled at the sound, heart racing, before he tentatively smiles.“You laugh, but its true.”

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf; Sterek

Personal Notes: I read this a long time ago and I remember it being both really good and really heavy but also getting a little lost in the middle. It’s got 14 chapters though so, like the fic above I feel like it’s a satisfactory read even if there isn’t a real ending.

When Sparks Fly by LunaCanisLupus_22

Summary: “Derek,” Stiles thunders. “Were you ever going to tell me your house is trying to hook us up?”

Derek's head snaps up, eyes wide and scenting the evident crackle of magic in the air.

Or the one where spark!Stiles moves into an enchanted apartment block owned by a grumpy alpha and is completely oblivious to the building's efforts to matchmake them.

Last Update: 2016

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf; Sterek

Personal Notes: This one is a little harder to categorize because it started out as a like, 2 chapter completely completed fic - and then the author came back and added more? So it’s unclear if they plan on coming back and adding more again since they’ve left it uncompleted but you know *hand waves*. In any event, it’s a definite good read, one of my favorites, highly recommended.

Where A Mask, Be A Hero by A_Whistful_Writer

Summary: Oliver Queen had started a crusade in his father’s name, alone. It was bitter, harsh and unrelenting. He was left with scars and bruises that only seemed to double with each passing day. But then he found companions in his fight. Laurel, Diggle, Felicity, Roy. They made things more bearable, and for a while, he was happy, even though there was a gaping hole in his heart. Something was missing.And that was when Oliver met Barry Allen.

Last Update: 2018

Fandom & Main Pairing: Arrow/The Flash ; Flarrow

Personal Notes: It’s honestly just a retelling of the first however many seasons of each show but with a little more OTP filling. The later chapters kinda lost the plot and I was hoping it’d pick up again and really start rolling but I’m throwing in the towel on this one. 

The Fault Is Not In Our Stars - Orphan

Summary: After a long and wretched campaign, Asgard has conquered Jotunheim. To ensure King Laufey's cooperation and later friendship between the kingdoms, Asgard takes home the apparent heir to the throne, Loki Laufeyson. Loki is, unfortunately, anything but complacent.Based on the art by stunningly talented Wantstobelieve: http://wantstobelieve.tumblr.com/post/18102496999/guess-who-just-watched-troy-again-yup-that

Last Update: 2013

Fandom & Main Pairing: Thor ; Thunderfrost

Personal Notes: I had hoped this would be a case of the author regaining their writing inspiration with a new Thor movie on the horizon and promptly forgot about it for...a long time, lmao. I’m glad that the author chose to orphan the story instead of simply deleting it because it may only be 8 chapters but they’re very well written and the story is compelling, even unfinished.

Time Will Crawl by coldhope

Summary: Inspired by one of kaciart's amazing drawings: the Winter Soldier faced with a pre-serum Steve Rogers and--conversely--1940s Bucky Barnes coming home to find Captain America lurking in the kitchen.

Last Update: 2014

Fandom & Main Pairing: Captain America (MCU) ; Stucky

Personal Notes: It’s only two chapters which isn’t long enough to *really* get attached to something but the concept was interesting enough to hold my attention/hope that it’d get continued. 

The What’s And How’s of Raising Werewolves by kit_cat

Summary: Stiles is twenty-five and shares his bed with a five-year-old werewolf who calls him mommy. This isn't how he expected his life to turn out.Or in which Derek is a kindergarten teacher, the Hales are alive, Danny is overly romantic for a five-year-old, and Stiles has somehow Magicked his way into being the legal guardian of three werelings all under the age of ten... and may or may not be on the run from a league of werewolf kidnapping hunters.

Last Update: 2017

Fandom & Main Pairing: Teen Wolf ; Sterek

Personal Notes: So I’m...technically not giving up on this one since it’s gone 3 years between updates before and really like this story so I’m going to hold onto this hope for a little while longer but it’s a very very slim hope. This is a fic that does NOT leave off with a satisfactory feeling even though it’s 9 chapters in, those 9 chapters really are just the place setting and maybe a charcuterie board or two while guests mingle but you could start smelling the main course from the kitchen. 

Trust by trufflemores

Summary: "Barry reels Oliver in for a hug. Oliver grants him three seconds, pulling back with his own irrepressible smile, knowing he looks like young-and-in-love which is ridiculous because he's not. Maybe, a tiny, impulsive part of him argues, he wants to be."

Last Update: 2017

Fandom & Main Pairing: The Flash/Arrow ; Flarrow

Personal Notes: I have spent I don’t KNOW how many months on and off trying to find this fic again, only to discover I’ve had it the whole fucking time! Specifically, the way trufflemores describes how they interact - giving words to all of the silent conversations they have, how they translated Barry and Oliver’s body language to so perfectly into writing. Like, even after I stopped watching The Flash (and had long since stopped watching Green Arrow), I still watched the crossover episodes because watching Barry and Oliver (and later Kara) interact was always my favorite thing. Honestly, watching both teams together was always so much fun - the episodes were just fun, but I digress. I don’t honestly remember where this fic leaves off but it was fairly episodic so I don’t really know that it needs an end per say, reading it shouldn’t leave you too dissatisfied. 

The Propinquity Effect by SwiftEmera

Summary: Oliver Queen pretty much ignored his bisexuality, until he clapped eyes on Barry Allen.Unfortunately, Barry is a social pariah, and Oliver's mother is currently running for governor, so Oliver is pretty much trapped in the bisexual closet, unable to come out and associate himself with Barry for the fear of tarnishing his mother's campaign. However, when their teacher pairs the boys up to work on a Psychology project based around the subject of sexual attraction, Oliver's willpower to keep his distance is strongly tested.

Last Update: 2015

Fandom & Main Pairing: The Flash/Arrow ; Flarrow

Personal Notes: I’ve been re-reading most of these as a final send off but this one I’m just not in the mood for unresolved angst. It’s really well written, the characters are really well adapted for the AU, but just knowing it isn’t finished and probably wont ever be I don’t want to invest my energy into something that doesn’t have a conclusion - for better or worse and this is the kind of fic I *need* to have an end. 

[chrisemrysfics]

That moment I can’t recall for sure when I first touched fanfics. And then you get this long post because I rambled about trying to recall and finding the clues.

Read more, but yeah if you’re curious, it’s pretty much my history with reading then writing fics, the fandoms and years, with one two little notes on what I was doing original writing wise.

Long story short: I first started reading fics in (most likely second half of) 2008 and first started writing by the end of 2009, 2009-2011 was a very productive time and it was in YGO GX fandom, then I had a burn out for multiple reason, and it’s by first half of 2013 that I finally had another good productive time with BBC Merlin (while I had mostly left YGO GX, with one fic I still open to finish in some ways), end of 2013 I started writing for Pokemon, and then for a few years I’ve picked up fandoms but never really went far, like I had short term burst of inspiration energy, and long term was just very slow updating because I didn’t wish to quit any of my fics, and then in 2017 I discovered DGM and by July 2017 I was writing for it and have been quite productive since then, especially the first year or so, a big part because it was like, the first big love I have had since BBC Merlin, and it grew as my all time favorite.

A big part of Assassin’s Light being easy to write for a period of time is because it’s half DGM, of course as you noticed things did need to slow down for me, but my love and inspiration for DGM has not lessened. MDZS did come and quickly made me fall so very deeply in love with it, I don’t hide that I love it a little bit more than DGM, but at present time, both DGM and MDZS are my focus, with a slightly easier time writing for MDZS.

(Everything else is still on-going, but very, very, very slow).

The problem is, my files for my fics, I moved them at some point, or copy paste, the oldest dates from 2014 which is two years after I stopped college, which is likely also due to how I changed laptop and such along the years. And the other problem is, I once left ffnet then came back, so I can’t see anymore the actual, initial publish dates.

The best I can use is the date of when I joined ffnet, which is in 2009, but this also places me at 17. I could have been writing my first fic before that, but I wouldn’t have been able to post it until then, and I don’t feel like I had multiple chapters to post, so it is likely that I started writing fics at 16/17. It was my second (of three) years of high school at that age range.

As I feel like I can recall I was reading fics in middle school, the best I can guess is that I started reading fics in my last year of middle school (14 to 15), probably toward the end of it, which kind of feels about right? But that means I spend around a year just reading, like if it’s at the end of middle school, it’s close to when I got to 15, so 2007 (as I would have had my 15th birthday in 2007).

Which sounds about right, I do feel “2007″ is the year I remember. In 2008 I would have had my 16th birthday, and it would have been a year or so since I’ve started reading fics, but the ffnet profile says I joined 11 December 2009, so that’s past my 17th birthday, and makes it easily two years since I started reading fics.

Which blows my mind a bit because I was convinced I started writing not long after, but apparently, not? Like I don’t recall having posted elsewhere before ffnet, so in all logic, it is in December 2009 that I made my account, and likely posted my first fic not long after. So however long I was reading, I was already 17 when I first wrote fics (or late 16 if I started writing a bit but didn’t post).

It is possible I have been mixing up my fic dates with original write, as in that case, I am certain I started writing my first novel in the end of middle school, so the “2007″ in my brain is quite likely when I started writing my first novel (it was end of middle school, so the last few months of being 14 and around being 15, which does all place the year as 2007). Which does make more sense, now that I’m trying to remember, I think I didn’t know yet fanfics when I started writing my original novel?

In short: 2007 aka 14-15, I was writing the start of my original novel (I didn’t finish back then), and somewhere 15-16 so in 2008 I started reading fics (and it was my first year of high school, which, actually does fit better the settings of the school library I vaguely recall). And roughly one year after, in 2009 when I was 17, I made my ffnet account and posted my first fic (which was written either on the spot, or started a few weeks before I made my account, but in any case I was 17 when I wrote my first fic).

For the record: that first fic was Angel and Sephirot in YGO GX, although Eventful Journey followed soon after, so both were completed somewhere in 2010 as I remember I was writing quickly back then, like it was already December 2009 so early 2010 I was very, very likely writing and posting for both fics, and by the end of 2010 I had completed Angel and Sephirot. I know my next multi chap was Hellish Chronicles, and I can find review reply from 2011 in my ffnet inbox. I do think I had some time between Angel and Sephirot and Hellish Chronicle, so that’s why I do feel I finished that first fic at most mid 2010 (and continued more slowly working on Eventful Journey).

I was writing other fics that I had adopted during/after my writing on Hellish Chronicle (which I haven’t put back as I lost contact with the original author, so out of respect I haven’t put them back up), and by September 2011 I can find messages where I mention I was working hard for the start of the second year of college, which does fit since I dropped college after I finished my second year in June 2012, and this also really slowed me down when it came to fics.

In December 2013, I can see the “oldest” fic is Always by your side in BBC Merlin, which is the first I had reposted, and my AO3 was made on February 2013, and I recall that I removed my fic from ffnet when there was some crackdown on fics, but only because I could post them on AO3, so this means I removed my fics from ffnet somewhere between february and december of 2013 (at most, from february to december, less if I didn’t remove them right away). And I started writing for BBC Merlin in 2013 (which seem to be end of 2013), which was after maybe one year or one and a half since I properly wrote anything multi chaptered (while some of the last YGO GX writing I did, one shots, were dated October 2013 so there were still months).

2007 (14-15) is first dabble in original novel, 2008 (15-16) is when I first started reading fics (and never stopped since then!), December 2009 (17) is when I created my ffnet account and so could post fics, first half of 2010 (still 17) is when I likely wrote and finished Angel and Sephirot, 2010-2011 (17-18) is when I was writing for YGO GX, end of 2001-first half of 2012 is when I had too much going on to write as much and so spent months either not writing, or like, writing one chapter every few weeks/months, but also it’s second half of 2012 that I started working again on my first novel, February 2013 I made my AO3 account, in July 2013 I first started writing for BBC Merlin, October 2013 I had written some one shots for YGO GX, but was mostly writing for BBC Merlin.

Let’s see for when I started dabbling in other fandoms. Pokemon is December 2013, December 2014 and early 2015 is when I touched KKM (didn’t go far back then in the fics though), end of 2015 is when I wrote a bit for FNAF (same, didn’t go far), March 2016 is when I started on White Collar fic (once more, didn’t go far), (and March 2016 was also when I first posted my first novel), August 2016 is when I started on Natsume Yuujinchou fic (went a few chapters with not too much time between updates), May 2017 is when I started working on Outlast fic (didn’t go far), and it’s in July of 2017 that I finally touched DGM, which soon became my focus.

Assassin’s Light was started in January 2019, or well, was posted then, I had started writing for it before, through end of 2018, but yeah early 2019 was Assassin’s Light, and in general since 2017 I have been mostly focused on DGM. And then October 2019 I posted Shadows Symphonie, and since then I mostly focused on MDZS while also working on my DGM fics when I can; and leaving everything else to work on whenever I have a higher dose of inspiration-energy. Which is rarer, but I haven’t quitted my other fics.

All in all, I was relatively able to be quick from 2009 to 2011, but college and personal stuff really burned me out, I lost interest in YGO GX especially as it felt different to how I came to write by 2013 (which is why my first two fics are the only one that I might rewrite one day), BBC Merlin stole my heart and brought me back to writing fics properly, I wrote more for it compared to all other fandoms that followed until DGM. All those other fandoms, I had a burst of inspiration, but the actual drive didn’t last, which I also suspect is because it did take me years to feel more, recovered. That and I was working on my original writing too, so. And then when I came into DGM, it brought me a large dose of inspiration, and I’ve wriiten more for it than any other fandom.

When you look at it, I have indeed the most fics in DGM (especially as I did events), then it’s BBC Merlin (which is still one of my all time favorite, alongside DGM and MDZS), and then it’s YGO GX (which is due to how I was more active very early on then the burn out hit me).

And while in number I don’t have as many MDZS fics, in spirit I certainly place it as same level as DGM.

[artificialqueens]

Just the Game We’re In - Chapter 12 (Ortega

a/n: I have honestly no idea how to start this off, and I’m aware I’m not accepting a fucking Oscar, so I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. Back in the summer of 2016, there was a crossover fic challenge posted to this blog. I was in the process of finishing MasP and, as someone who fucking loved The Thick Of It and knew how well Bianca would fit as Malcolm Tucker, I posted chapter 1 of what started as a lighthearted, funny Politics AU, Just the Game We’re In. Fast forward nearly three fucking years, me graduating from uni and getting a job, countless long-ass fuckin update gaps and 179,065 words later, this is the final chapter, and I have no idea what the fuck I’m going to do with my life now!! I know I’m not the first person to ever finish a fic in this blog’s history, i ain’t special sis, but I really do want to say thank you thank you thank you to anyone who has ever given any chapter of this a note, reblogged it with something lovely, made fucking fanart or a moodboard (still in awe at that), has read any part of it, or has simply been a friend I’ve made through the writing process. It would be criminal not to specially mention @purecamp- she has without a doubt been Game’s biggest cheerleader throughout it all and legit I may not have even finished this if it wasn’t for her. She is a fantastic person and an amazing friend. I’ll sound like a wet wipe, but Game has legit changed my life. When I was little my dream was to be an author and I loved writing stories. I had never expected my writing to get much of a response when I joined AQ but I can safely say that this blog has been so so amazing and has really allowed me to live my childhood dream of writing a story that people actually wanted to read (this is the definition of cheesy). I’ll shut up now, but here she is everyone. As always lmk what u think over at artificialortega, I tried so hard to make it the most absolutely perfect ending. Chapter 12 of Game, the final chapter. It has been some fuckin wild ride. Xxxxxxxxx

(p.s. phi phi ur a babe im sorry i made u the opposition in this fic and i know u don’t have shitty opinions like game phi phi)

The street was silent. Time had seemed to freeze completely, and even the sound of the car speeding away seemed to be on mute. Perhaps it was just the overwhelming ringing in Willam’s ears that drowned everything else out, which sounded eerily akin to a flatline.

Willam could only blink and feel her heartbeat through her chest, cruelly taunting her and reminding her that Sharon, lying on the concrete, might not have had that privilege. Was she moving? Was she bleeding? Was she alive?

It felt as if Willam stood there frozen for minutes but it was probably only seconds, as all at once she felt herself walking forward, two slow steps and then breaking out into a sprint where she skidded to a halt beside Sharon’s body.

Fuck, no, not her body, Willam thought. Beside Sharon. Sharon, the living human being.

“Sharon,” Willam felt her voice come out as nothing more than a hoarse, panic-induced whisper. She looked at the woman in front of her. Willam was relieved to find that there weren’t any horrific, horror-movie style streams of blood pissing out of her. Suddenly she remembered the phrase she’d gleaned from many hours of her Mum watching Casualty, “internal bleeding”, and her heart grew cold. There were some huge scratches on her head which were already taking on the greenish hue of a bruise underneath, and the friction of her body on the tarmac had ripped open the light Summer jacket Sharon had been wearing and opened a deep gash on the arm which sat ugly and unmoving, a stagnant red against her pale skin.

Her leg was bent at a gruesomely impossible angle.

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Willam hissed, shock pulsing through her like a thousand volts as she grabbed her phone from her jacket pocket and grew frustrated as it clung to the material and wouldn’t seem to budge. After some fierce tugs it finally emerged. Willam fumbled with her passcode two times then succeeded in opening her phone, and with shaky fingers she dialled 4 9s, deleted one, and hit the call button.

It rang once, then twice, then again. The ringing continued. Willam’s panic increased tenfold. How often do you need to phone 999 in your life, and when you finally do they don’t fucking pick up the phone?

Finally, the voice of the operator came down the line.

“999, which service do you require?”

“Ambulance, please,” Willam breathed out, the scared tone in her voice and the small, polite plea at the end making her feel as if she was about 5 years old.

“And the address please?”

Willam looked around, panic consuming her every movement and rendering her unable to see clearly. “We’re outside the Crown and Anchor in Chiswick, I don’t know the road name, um-”

“Can you see any road signs at all?”

Willam found her gaze focussing on a street sign a little further along the road. “Um. Belmont Road, I think? I’m sorry, I can’t-”

“Don’t worry, love, we’ve got it,” the voice replied soothingly, making Willam feel more like a child than ever. “And can you describe what’s happened at all?”

“My friend,” Willam began, then was suddenly cut off by a sob that unexpectedly welled up and burst in her throat, causing two tears to spring from her eyes. “She’s been hit by a car, it just came along from nowhere and it didn’t stop, she rolled right over it.”

“Your friend’s been hit by a car? Okay, my love. And you’re saying the car didn’t brake?”

“No,” Willam gasped, her breathing becoming more and more erratic as she sobbed. Fuck, where had all this crying come from?

“Was the car moving quickly?”

Willam frowned. It had been so long since she’d driven it was hard to give an estimate. “It seemed to be going pretty fast but I couldn’t say how much, sorry.”

There was a short pause. Willam looked at Sharon lying below her, then in panic around her as she realised she was still on the road. “I’m not being rude but is the ambulance coming?”

“Don’t worry, love, I know it can be hard when you’re waiting for someone to arrive. The ambulance has been dispatched, don’t panic. Keep talking to me. Is your friend conscious?”

Willam instantly turned to Sharon. “Sharon?” she shook her shoulder, lifted up an eyelid. “Sharon? Fuck, I don’t think so.”

“Don’t think so. Okay. Is she breathing?”

Willam knelt close to her chest and rested her hand on her heart. She felt the gentle rise and fall of her chest and wanted to cry with relief.  “Yes.”

“Still breathing, okay. And you said the patient’s name was Sharon?”

“Yeah, Sharon Needles,” Willam stuttered, momentarily worried about the headlines then cursing herself for the priorities she automatically had.

“Is she bleeding?” the call carrier continued, seemingly not the least bit fazed by the famous invalid.

“She’s got a massive big cut on her arm, but nothing else major. Um…some scratches here and there? I don’t know what’ll need stitches or not…fuck, fuck,” Willam breathed, the seriousness and reality of the situation hitting her all over again. “We’re still on the road, should I move her?”

“No, don’t move her, love. There could be broken bones which might be made worse if you do.”

Willam sighed, taking Sharon’s hand absent-mindedly. The small gesture almost broke her heart and reminded her of how things used to be. Maybe everything would be different if she’d never accepted Sharon’s offer of drinks, this may never have happened. She sighed in exasperation as she suppressed another sob. “Is the ambulance nearby?”

“I’m sorry love, it’s on its way. I know the questions can be annoying but everything we get we pass on to the paramedics-”

“She’s my friend,” Willam said softly, bringing her other hand up to stroke Sharon’s cheek.

“I know, love, we’re doing all we can at this end. Can you describe your friend for me? Age, gender, nationailty?”

The questions seemed to go round in a circle. They were endless, and Willam could feel herself growing more and more irate as the minutes seemed to tick by. Finally, after what seemed like hours, an ambulance slowly drew to a halt on the opposite side of the road to Willam. She immediately hung up on the operator and sprinted to the paramedics who were on their way over to Sharon.

“Hello there!” one greeted her, as natural and cheerful as if she’d just asked him about the weather. “Right, so this is our patient over here. What’s her name?“

Everything passed on to the paramedics my ass, Willam cursed under her breath, then spoke. “It’s Sharon. She was hit by a car.”

“Hello, Sharon, love!” the other paramedic greeted her, lifting her eyelids and shining a small torch into them. “Can you hear us, Sharon?”

Willam wanted to hiss at them that they’d get more conversation out of Helen Keller but she remembered that she wasn’t in Dosac any more, she wasn’t at work, she was lying on a road with her friend crumpled in a heap and no matter how incompetent these people seemed, they were there to help her.

“No response. Okay, grab the gurney.”

What followed this may as well have been another language as the two paramedics spoke in terrifying terminology about IV drips, lacerations and bone fractures. The man brought out a huge metal trolley that Sharon was lifted up onto after some form of yellow styrofoam-looking cast was placed around her mangled leg and another one was placed around her head. As she was carried into the ambulance, Willam, who had been silent for some time save for answering the paramedic’s questions, spoke up.

“Can I, um. Can I come with you in the ambulance?”

‘Of course you can, darling,” the female paramedic smiled at her. Willam momentarily wondered why NHS staff seemed to speak solely in pet names. “What’s your name, love?”

“Willam.”

“Willam, okay. And you are Sharon’s…?”

Willam paused for a beat. “I’m her best friend.”

“Bestie, aw that’s nice. So you were out for some drinks when this happened then, yeah? Girls night out?”

“Something like that,” Willam sighed, climbing the steps up to the back of the ambulance then sitting in the small chair at the end of the vehicle and putting her seatbelt on. Sharon sat in the silver trolley opposite her already hooked up to various machines. Symbols and numbers flashed on a small screen, none of which Willam could tell was good or bad.

“Okay, seatbelt on,” the woman instructed her, sitting down in her own seat herself. “We’ll be at the hospital in no time. Once we’re there, we’ll-”

Willam barely heard her as her mind began to drift away, and all she could focus on were the sirens attached to the ambulance that seemed so far away. That all-too-familiar sound that she recognised from streets and junctions was her and Sharon, the pair of them racing through central London in an ambulance.

Soon enough they arrived at the hospital, and Sharon was being wheeled out of the ambulance, down a ramp and straight into the building. Willam followed awkwardly behind, past people in wheelchairs and others in beds hooked up to various beeping machines and parked, or perhaps abandoned, in corridors. The male paramedic turned to her suddenly as Sharon was wheeled behind a curtain.

“I’m sorry- she can’t have anyone with her at the moment.”

Willam frowned, helpless. “But-”

“She’s in good hands, I promise,” he smiled at her, his gentle eyes reminding her of a long-dead Grandpa she had loved dearly and making her want to cry all over again. His face turned conspiratorial as his eyes shifted around. “Look you shouldn’t really, but if you go to that desk over there you’ll get taken to a relative’s room. It’s not much but it’ll be a quiet room with a kettle and a sofa and a phone and it’ll be a hell of a lot better than sitting stressed in the waiting room.”

Willam gazed over at the desk in question, opposite which were hordes of people waiting to be seen- some looked fine, some had huge wads of kitchen roll wrapped around cuts, there were a couple of drunk men singing football chants and a child with a toy stuck to their foot. Definitely not ideal company.

“Thanks,” Willam summoned up a smile to return to the man.

“That’s alright. I know you must have had a stressful evening,” he said sincerely, frowning.

Willam nodded to him. “It’s appreciated, um…”

“Mattheiu,” the paramedic smiled, holding out a hand for her to shake. She took it gently, thanked him for perhaps the third time, and made her way to the desk where she answered a few questions in a daze and then got shown to a small room, just as Matthieu had described- small, windowless, with dim lights and a single sofa and a little tray with a kettle, teabags, coffee and a pot of milk. There was a landline phone too, and Willam wanted to laugh at it before she checked her phone and realised she had no signal.

She sat on the sofa and took one deep, shuddery breath. What would happen now? Should she have phoned the police too? Willam hadn’t known what to do, but at least Sharon was being taken care of now. She hoped to God she would be okay. Willam thought hard. What had the car looked like? Silver. Or was it black? Fuck, she couldn’t remember. Number plate? Willam was fucked if she knew. This was terrible. If the police did arrive she would be about as much use as a bottle of Becks at an AA meeting. Something inside Willam questioned whether the whole thing had been an accident. It was easily enough explained- or what if it had been planned? Anyone who ran someone over would have stopped and got out and checked to see if the person was okay, surely? Maybe it was someone who felt too guilty to stop, who was too terrified in case they got convicted- or maybe it was somebody who was satisfied they’d completed what they’d set out to do. What if they’d charged the wrong person for the death threats? What if they had still been at large the whole time?

Willam sighed. Her head was too full, and it was killing her not being able to talk the situation out with anybody. Suddenly, it struck her that people would need to know what had happened. Two people in particular, Willam thought- one in particular that probably hated her but who would come into the hospital to sit with her, and to be with her. After all, she still cared about Willam, she had said so herself. The second was worse, but she still needed to be here. Willam knew she would immediately come in, no matter how bad things had been between her and the woman currently lying on a hospital trolley. She needed to know before it got into the press, and Willam had horrific visions of one of them finding out from a BBC News 24 notification.

Her professional brain urged her to phone Bianca first, and Willam growled at it angrily as she picked up the landline, looked in her contacts, and dialled the number of the first woman in question. She could have been apprehensive or afraid, but not right now. Right now she was afraid of something much worse, and it wasn’t on the other end of the phone.

Courtney picked up after four rings. “Hello?”

“Hey. It’s me,” Willam began, her stomach sinking at having to do this over the phone.

“Willam…it’s two in the morning.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t know if you’d still be awake.”

Courtney’s voice wasn’t harsh or reprimanding as Willam had expected. It was as if she knew that something was up. Sure enough, the Australian accent came down the line again. “Willam, what’s happened?”

Willam felt her blood run cold. She didn’t want to have to bear the news. “Sharon’s in hospital.”

“Oh fuck.”

“She was run over by a car,” Willam said, completely unsure of where the conversation went from here.

“Oh Jesus. Is she okay? Fuck, sorry, what a stupid question,” Courtney’s voice was apologetic, and Willam could hear commotion on the other end of the line, and snuffling.

“Courtney, don’t be upset. It’s okay, it’ll be alright,” Willam found herself comforting the girl on the end of the phone, annoyed that there wasn’t much else she could do.

“Are you at the hospital now? Can I come in?” Willam could hear Courtney struggling with something down the line, perhaps a coat or a pair of shoes.

“Yeah, please. We’re at Charing Cross Hospital. Phone me when you’re outside- no, shit, I’ve got no reception. Just tell me how long you’ll be and I’ll go and wait at the main entrance for you.”

Courtney gave a small, helpless sigh. “Fuck, I don’t know, I don’t know how long I’ll have to wait for a taxi at this time of night.”

“Courtney, you live in London,” Willam said, unable to help herself as she snorted a small giggle.

“Fuck. Right,” Courtney matched her laughter, which quickly turned into a sob. “Fuck. Um, half an hour?”

“Okay. See you then,” Willam sighed, her heart hurting at Courtney’s panic. “Courtney, it’ll be okay. Don’t worry. She’s safe now.”

“Right,” Courtney replied with a sniff, which didn’t inspire any confidence in Willam. “See you then.”

With that, Courtney was gone. Willam deflated on the sofa, letting out what seemed to be all the air in her lungs.

That had been hard enough. Now for the phone call she really didn’t want to have to make.

***

Willam had decided to wait at the entrance a little earlier than she said she’d be, just in case Courtney was early too. Part of her was anxious about leaving the relatives room, in case somebody arrived with news about Sharon, but she’d said she would meet Courtney at the door. As she stood in the chilly night air, she watched as cars and taxis pulled up and people came and went, the hospital just as busy as it probably was during the daytime. Health didn’t sleep or take a rest, thought Willam, and she supposed anything could happen to anyone at any time. Life was scary, she pondered, and mortality was so fragile.

As she was wondering, she was suddenly distracted by a sudden, harsh pounding of footsteps on the pavement, and somebody sobbing. Willam looked up and saw Alaska running from a taxi and straight towards her. If it had been any other situation, Willam would have laughed- Alaska was wearing trainers on her feet paired with huge fluffy bedsocks, her outfit consisted of Winnie The Pooh pyjama bottoms and a huge, baggy hoodie, probably pulled on over her pyjama top. A huge parka topped off the look, and Alaska’s face was red and blotchy with puffy eyes which had tears streaming from them.

As Alaska finally reached Willam, she flung her arms around her in a hug and the girl’s body was racked with sobs. Willam sighed, muttering soft, calming words and rubbing Alaska’s back in circles. It had been a horrendous phone call even though it hadn’t lasted long- Alaska, just like Courtney, sensed something had been up, even to the extent that she’d known something had happened to Sharon. She had immediately broken down in tears, but Willam had hardly had time to say anything comforting to her before she was gone, presumably to phone a taxi.

“Is she okay?” Alaska squeaked out in between shudders and sobs. Willam gave her a squeeze.

“She’s in good hands. They’ve not given me an update but I think she’ll be okay. She was still breathing when I was with her so that’s a good sign.”

Alaska broke away from the hug slightly, horror on her face. “Oh my God, you were there? What happened?”

Willam sighed, not wanting to relive it all. “We had been for a drink and we were literally just saying goodbye. Sharon was crossing the road and we were mucking about, she was sort of walking across it really slowly. She stopped and paused in the middle of it and then the car just came at her.”

“She stopped in the road?” Alaska whispered. Willam could see her mind was going at around a thousand miles an hour.

“Alaska, it was 1am. The streets were dead.”

“But surely you could hear the car coming? Fuck, Willam, why didn’t you stop her or push her out of the way or something?” Alaska said, growing frustrated. Then, seeing Willam’s hackles immediately raising at the accusation, she stopped. “Sorry. Shit, I’m sorry, Willam, it wasn’t your fault, none of it was your fault. Fuck, it’s such a mess.”

Alaska began to cry again and Willam pulled her back into a hug. As she started to calm down, Willam took her hand and squeezed it.

“I’ve been put in a relative’s room- nobody’s updated me about Sharon yet but then I’ve only been here for 20 minutes. Why don’t we go inside and see if there’s been any progress?” she summoned a smile for her friend, not yet letting go of her hand. She led Alaska back into the hospital, past the initial shopping-centre facade of coffee shops and WH Smiths that lined the entrance hall and staved off the horrors of the fact that they were in an actual fucking hospital- a place where people bled and suffered and died, and Willam hated it.

She had only just managed to find her way back to the relative’s room and get a snuffling Alaska sat on the couch when a doctor who seemed entirely too young in an all-too-stereotypical white coat entered. Willam could have laughed at how much of a parody everything seemed, until the doctor spoke.

“Hello, ladies. I’m Dr Hall, I’ve been put in charge of Sharon for the time being,” he stuck out his hand, Willam following suit and shaking it while Alaska was unable to rise from the couch.

“I’m Willam, that’s Alaska. She’s Sharon’s girlfriend,” she responded as she shook. Semantics could get fucked for now- Alaska cared like a girlfriend, cried like a girlfriend and worried like a girlfriend so for the moment, that was who she was to Sharon.

“Good to meet you both. I’ve just been in triage with Sharon and I’ve done an initial assessment with the head nurse. It’s hard to say until we run some more thorough tests, but for the moment we believe Sharon has sustained a number of injuries and she’ll be in the ICU for her time here.”

There, the doctor paused as if to take in the reactions of the girls in front of him. Willam had been aware of a cry from Alaska, but she was motionless and felt completely sick. “Injuries like what?”

“Well, we’re certain she’s broken her leg. That’s straightforward enough and we’ll be able to fix that. She also has a laceration on her right arm that will need stitched up, but everything else seems to be internal. Her breathing is very laboured so we think there could be some sort of fracture to her ribs or alternatively a traumatic pneumothorax, what you and I would refer to as a punctured lung.”

Alaska gave a gasp as Willam took all of the information in. She knew Sharon was hurt, but she didn’t realise just how bad it was, as silly as it sounded.

“Apart from that, we’ll need to get her a CT scan to assess whether or not there’s any internal bleeding or any other fractures or breakages,” he continued, his face softening as his eyes settled on Alaska. “I’m very sorry, I know how hard this must be for you both.”

“Can we see her?” Alaska asked softly, her eyes filled with tears. Willam let a small breath go.

“Alaska, you heard him. Sharon will be waiting to go for scans just now, she’s not in a fit state for us,” Willam sat down next to her friend and pulled her close. Exhaustion seemed to overcome Alaska and her sobs fell quiet, choosing to look intently at the floor instead. Willam turned to address the doctor. “When can we see her, though?”

“It’s hard to say. Once she’s had her scans she might need to go into theatre and if so, she’ll be waiting for that. When she’s done, we’ll give her a room and you can go and see her. Until then you’re welcome to use this room as your base, and if you need me at all then please feel free to ask at reception for me,” Dr Hall smiled gently, nodding to the two women as he left the room and closed the door silently.

Once he was gone, silence filled the small room. Willam stood up slowly.

“Lask, I’m going to need to head back outside. I said I’d pick up Courtney. Are you going to be okay here?”

The other woman wordlessly nodded. Despite the uneasy feeling in her chest, Willam knew she had to go outside to see if Courtney was there.

As she walked back to the same spot where she’d met Alaska, thoughts swirled around her mind and poured over the top of each other like a whirlpool. A punctured lung, internal bleeding. All of it was so horrible. Willam couldn’t help but imagine the worst, and her stomach felt so tight and sick.

She didn’t have to walk all the way back outside, as she found Courtney as she turned into the small shopping area. She was leaving the little M&S food (capitalism at its worst, Willam thought, putting arguably the most expensive supermarket in a hospital so people have no other choice but to buy from them) with a small shopping bag and her face, similar to Alaska’s, was red and tear-stained. She was dressed in a sweatshirt, jeans and trainers but her hair was still curled neatly, indicative of her date just hours before.

She’d probably been having such a good night, Willam thought, and I’ve ruined it.

“Courtney,” Willam called her over, the other girl’s head turning at the mention of her name. Selfishly, Willam’s heart lifted at the brief light that shone in Courtney’s eyes when she saw her. As if everything that had happened between them had been forgotten, Courtney hurried forward and wrapped her arms around Willam in a hug. Willam could feel her breathing deeply as she sighed and her mind cruelly taunted her, the image of a rib piercing through Sharon’s lung springing to mind involuntarily even though she knew that wasn’t how a punctured lung worked. For a moment they both stood still in each other’s arms, the two women simply needing held, one anchoring the other.

Courtney pulled away first, like Willam knew she would. She fixed her red eyes on Willam’s and her face was full of concern. “How is she, Willam?”

“Doctor was just in, they’re doing a scan on her now but they think she’s got a punctured lung and maybe internal bleeding. She’s broken her leg and the road sliced her arm open too. She could have fractured or broken more bones but they don’t know yet,” Willam sighed, unable to break Courtney’s gaze. The other woman looked sick as she glanced down the corridor. Willam could see she was looking at all the different horrifying hospital signs, each as cryptic and foreboding as the last.

“Oh God, it’s horrible. Absolutely fucking horrible,” she said softly, shakily breathing in.

“She’ll be in the ICU once they’ve finished with her, but we don’t know how long that’ll be. Alaska’s here, and they’ve given us a room to wait in,” Willam explained, as she began to walk slowly forward, gently encouraging Courtney to follow.

Courtney walked a couple of steps silently, then gave a panicked laugh. “I’m an idiot. I just went and panic-bought a ton of hospital shit for Sharon. I doubt it’ll be much use to her.”

Willam looked down at the bag. “What did you get?”

Courtney gave a humourless bark of a laugh. “Grapes, Lucosade and Heat magazine.”

“The holy trinity of intensive care unit accessories,” Willam quipped equally humourlessly.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, Willam having to fight the urge to reach down and intertwine her fingers with Courtney’s as they walked down each corridor. She couldn’t believe she was having these horrible, selfish thoughts while Sharon was lying on a hospital trolley somewhere in the building but the whole experience had shocked and scared her, reminded her of how unforgiving and cruel fate could be, and that was enough to make anyone cling to the people they cared for.

The rest of the time in the relatives’ room passed in a blur. Courtney and Alaska were reunited and tears were shed as soon as they saw each other, Courtney clinging to Alaska and muttering how sorry she was over and over again whilst Alaska silently stood and let herself be held, tears alternating between streaming down her cheeks and dropping directly from her eyes onto Courtney’s hoodie. They sat and they waited. Willam made the three of them cups of tea, none of which were drank. They tried to talk about things, mundane things, anything that wasn’t Sharon. They sat still and isolated from each other, save for Courtney holding Alaska’s hand tightly, her knuckles white and curled around Alaska’s fingers.

It had been roughly an hour and twenty minutes when the doctor from before re-appeared in the room, and just before he spoke there was silence like Willam had never heard before, as if the whole world held its breath.

***

The beeping was monotonous and creepy and clinical, but to Willam it was the best sound she’d heard in her life because as long as the beeping continued, it meant Sharon was alive.

She didn’t look very Sharon-like, though, she supposed, as Willam watched in slight horror as her chest rose laboriously up and down. Tubes snaked in and out of various limbs and an oxygen mask was strapped to her swollen face, upon which had developed several green and blue bruises. She looked awful, but she was breathing.

The hours had both dragged and flown by.  03.40, Doctor Hall had explained that Sharon was in theatre as the CAT scan had uncovered internal bleeding near her liver. Their worst fear. Alaska had cried and Courtney had been shaken and Willam sat and stared at nothing, paralysed with fear. 04.15, another visit from the doctor after a tense and sickening half hour in the relatives’ room, which had begun to feel like a prison. The surgeons had stopped the bleeding and Sharon would be okay, although on top of the punctured lung she did have a broken collarbone, two fractured ribs and a fractured pelvis. Willam hadn’t known if she was supposed to be happy that Sharon wasn’t in immediate life-threatening danger or full of dread at all the horrible breaks and fractures she’d sustained. 04.50, another visit from Dr Hall, and just as tensions were running at their highest the three girls had finally been told they could see Sharon.

That had been the last update before they’d followed Dr Hall up to the intensive care unit and into a small, mercifully private room which housed a bed, two chairs, a bedside cabinet, a TV, and Sharon with all her tubes and machines. Willam hadn’t been able to stop staring at the woman on the bed since she’d seen her, and neither had the other two girls. Willam had given both of them the chairs and she’d chosen to stand near the door, which meant she could see both of their expressions. Courtney looked pale and blank-faced, Alaska looked mournful.

It was Alaska who spoke first in an entirely emotionless voice. “She doesn’t look like Sharon.”

There was a silence which Willam filled. “He did tell us that she’d look different. I know it’s freaky but all the stuff she’s hooked up to is all stuff that’s going to help her, Lask.”

Alaska nodded silently. She looked at one of Sharon’s hands, the one closest to the bed, which had an IV line attached to the back of it. Her mouth turned downwards. “I’m scared to even hold her hand in case something else goes wrong.”

Courtney rested a hand on Alaska’s arm. “Nothing’s going to go wrong. It’ll be fine.”

Alaska leaned forward, reached a hand out and awkwardly rested it over Sharon’s, lacing the tips of her fingers through Sharon’s own. Willam let out a breath she was unaware she’d been holding, akin to a sigh of relief.

“When will she wake up, do you think?” Alaska asked, her voice small.

Courtney sighed. “She’ll be resting for a while yet, I think. The pain meds will knock her out quite a bit.”

“Do you think when she wakes up she’d be able to get me some?” Willam deadpanned, without being able to help it. She watched as Alaska turned to look at her, then bit her lip as she stifled a laugh. Courtney first looked to Alaska, then at Willam before she let out a small giggle. Willam smiled. It wasn’t much, an unfunny joke about drugs, but it had lifted some of the tension from the room.

Suddenly, her phone buzzed once, then twice, then three times. A call. She took her phone out of her pocket, and she could see the other girls looking at her forebodingly.

Caller ID- Bianca.

Willam had known that the phone call would come, she just hadn’t expected it to be so soon. She looked at the other two girls, stepped out of the room, and took it.

“Hi, Bianca.”

There was a beat of silence on the other end of the line, which never ever happened in a Bianca Del Rio phone call. When Bianca phoned you she had shit to say immediately and she never wasted time. Now, though, Willam felt the seconds tick by. Her voice finally came. “Willam. What’s happened to Sharon.”

Willam cast her eyes through the glass to the three women in the small room, and her heart sank.

“Willam.”

Willam took a breath. “We were out together. She was in a hit and run. She’s in intensive care.”

There was some form of sound from Bianca that sounded both angry and anguished. Willam held her breath. “I’m sorry, Bianca, I should have phoned you earlier. I should have phoned the police-”

“Willam, you listen to me,” Bianca’s voice came down the line, hoarse and harsh. “Do not dare apologise. You weren’t to know. You got her to the hospital, which was the most important thing.”

There was a silence. Willam turned and looked at the pale, beige paint of the corridor walls. “It’s reached the press, hasn’t it.”

“Obviously.”

She hissed and let the silence linger. “Jesus Christ, Bianca, this is all a fucking hellscape.”

“I know. I know. And I can’t hold it from the front pages, Willam, they’re all fucking animals and they need to be fed. The Guardian have got a testimonial from a trainee nurse that knows all her fucking injuries and has leaked them all,” Bianca sighed. Willam had never heard her sound so hopeless. She was silent again. “You’ve been my first port of call. I’m going to phone the detective looking after Sharon’s case, because I don’t believe for a minute that this was a coincidence. Then I’m coming in to see her.”

“Bianca, don’t…” Willam began. How do you comfort a woman like Bianca? “Don’t worry about the press. There’s still a couple of hours before shit goes to print, we can figure something out.”

“I’m not worried about the press. I’m worried about Sharon.”

Silence.

Bianca’s voice came again. “I’ll see you in a bit. Take care, Willam.”

She was gone.

Willam walked back into Sharon’s room. Alaska and Courtney immediately looked up at her.

“The press have got it,” she said blankly. Courtney shook her head.

“Well, we knew it would only be a matter of time,” Alaska said softly, her face frowning.

“Bianca’s coming in. She’ll probably have police with her,” Willam said, then sighed as realisation dawned on her. “Which means I’ll get questioned. Can’t wait for that.”

Courtney caught her eye. She looked genuinely concerned for Willam and despite everything, Willam’s heart skipped a beat. Courtney rose slowly. “Well, we’ll all need coffee if we’re going to be awake much longer. I’ll get us some.”

“I’ll come with you,” Willam suddenly decided, Courtney’s eyes giving nothing away as she nodded her permission. Alaska simply looked up at them and then back down at Sharon. It was an unspoken fact that she wasn’t going to leave her side anytime soon.

Willam followed Courtney out into the corridor and then into the lift where they were both silent. Willam looked at the floor, then spoke.

“At least she’s alright.”

Courtney nodded. “True. I think we just need her to come to and then we’ll all breathe a sigh of relief.”

There was another silence as they walked into the small Costa. Courtney ordered three espressos with milk from a barista with purple hair and huge winged eyeliner, and they sat at a table and waited. Willam looked at Courtney’s face- the worried frown lines on her forehead, her glassy, tired eyes, her lips which were sore and bitten. She missed her so much.

“So,” Willam began, deciding to break the silence. “How was your date?”

“My date- oh!” Courtney looked confused, then enlightened. She gave a laugh. “Yeah…it was nice. Andrew’s a lovely guy and he’s a good old-fashioned gentleman.”

Willam wanted to laugh. What had she expected, Courtney to fall back into her arms? “Oh. Well, at least that’s-”

“But I think we’re probably going to stay as friends,” Courtney finished, interrupting her. Willam couldn’t help but feel her heart lifting.

“That’s a shame,” Willam frowned. Courtney looked at her for a beat, then spluttered a laugh.

“You don’t give a shit, do you?” she asked softly as she laughed. Willam snorted.

“No, I guess I don’t,” she smiled affectionately. Fuck, she’d missed laughing with her, seeing her eyes crinkle up and the way she’d tip her head back and let her hair cascade down her shoulders. “So what was the problem, then?”

Courtney raised her eyebrows. “He wasn’t really vegan. He just eats quorn sometimes. I took him to a vegan restaurant and he looked so horrified at the lack of meat.”

The both of them laughed quietly. Courtney looked awkward, as if she was about to say something else. Willam felt her heartbeat through her chest. She knew that Courtney was holding back on something and so she was almost afraid to say anything in case she backed off.

“Besides,” Courtney mentioned, her gaze firmly fixed on the floor. “He could tell…that I wasn’t over somebody.”

“Oh,” Willam said. It was as if her body couldn’t keep up with everything. One minute she was worried sick about Sharon, the next she was almost going into cardiac arrest because Courtney had basically dropped a massive hint.

Courtney had raised her gaze and fixed it on Willam. “Somebody being you.”

“Right.”

Courtney laughed. “I thought I’d spell that out for you, because you’re a massive fucking moron.”

Willam coughed out a laugh. “I am.”

Courtney smiled a little, looked at Willam expectantly for a beat, then looked again to the floor. Willam panicked. She couldn’t risk losing Courtney again.

“Well…I’m not over you either,” she said quietly, watching as Courtney’s eyes snapped up to face her. Maybe Courtney had been missing her as much as she’d been missing Courtney.

Courtney gave a little smile. “I know.”

Willam obviously looked taken-aback because Courtney burst out laughing, which made Willam start laughing too. As the laughter died down, all that was left was the pair of them looking into each other’s eyes. Just as Willam was about to speak and just as it looked as if Courtney was about to too, the barista yelled Courtney’s order. Courtney jumped up and grabbed the little cardboard tray of three coffees with one hand, then turned to Willam, smiled and gave a little shrug. Just then, her phone vibrated again.

“Bianca’s upstairs with Sharon and Alaska. There’s someone from Scotland Yard with her,” Willam explained as she looked at her phone. Courtney nodded.

“That’s the fun over then,” she quipped, moving towards the exit. Willam’s silence prompted Courtney to look towards her, her expression concerned. “Willam. It’ll be fine.”

Willam mustered a small smile as she walked towards the lifts. She was so lost in thought and worry that she almost didn’t notice Courtney transfer the tray of drinks to her right hand and silently curl her left hand around Willam’s own.

***

It was six o’clock in the morning, and Willam was exhausted. She’d never been questioned by the police before, and she never wanted to be again. They were sympathetic but relentless, and with each question Willam felt more and more useless. How much had Sharon had to drink? What was the precise time that it had happened? Whereabouts in the road was she standing? How fast was the car going? What was its number plate? What was the make of car? What was the colour? What did the driver look like? What did the driver do after they hit Sharon? Which way did they continue driving? Every question was one that Willam felt she couldn’t properly answer. They asked her some questions about the previous death threats, and who she felt might have been behind them- did Sharon have any enemies, and suchlike. Apart from blaming most of the UK’s far right population, Willam had said she wasn’t sure.

She and Bianca had been taken to a station nearby to the hospital, and she emerged from the small questioning room tired and simply wanting to go to bed, but knowing that she would return to the hospital to stay with Alaska and Courtney. She wasn’t really in the mood to speak much to Bianca, and for once Bianca didn’t seem as if she wanted to chat much to her.

“How were they with you?” Bianca asked, rising from the chair she’d been sitting on in the police waiting room as she saw Willam emerge.

“Fine. Didn’t feel very helpful, though,” Willam said, sighing as she walked with Bianca. “I should have written the number plate down, or looked harder at the car, or tried to get a look at the driver.”

Bianca frowned deeply. “Willam, you can’t blame yourself.”

They walked out of the station and down the small, quiet road which was starting to become bathed with morning sunlight. Willam turned to look at Bianca. In all her time working with her, she’d never seen her look so troubled.

Seeing Willam’s concerned look, Bianca exhaled. “I couldn’t keep it from going to the papers. There’s articles online now, and it’ll be on the front pages. We stuck the TV on in Sharon’s room and it was all over News 24. I’m sorry, Willam, I couldn’t protect her.”

“It’s alright, Bianca,” Willam sighed, stopping as she got to the junction. A big black car was waiting at a stop sign, presumably Bianca’s. The spin doctor looked troubled as she gazed to the car.

“It’s getting dragged into politics already.”

Willam cursed under her breath. This was all they needed, Sharon’s accident getting turned into a points-scoring exercise by different parties. “What are people saying?”

“Some of it’s nice. Most of the party have rallied round without me even having to give them a line. Latrice has given a statement, as has Trinity. Shea has tweeted support, so’s Sasha, Peppermint and Maxine. Ironically Sharon getting run over by a car is the most uniting thing she’s done for the party. If I’d known I would have hired her a hitman ages ago,” Bianca laughed bitterly. Her face turned grave. “It’s Mrs fucking Blind Man’s Crumpet herself.”

“Fucking Phi Phi,” Willam hissed, surprising herself with how much venom was in her voice.

“She’s spoken with ITV and she’s given the whole wobbly top lip expressing condolences thing, but she’s trying to turn it into an attack on immigrants.”

“Fuck, did she stretch before she reached? What the hell does that have to do with anything?” Willam complained, deeply irritated.

Bianca frowned. “Because The Sun, the paper we all love to line our cat litter trays with, is alleging that the hit and run was a terrorist incident carried out by an Asian man.”

Willam tore her hands through her hair. “But that’s bullshit, surely? Nobody knows who did it, the police don’t even know who did it!”

“They have a source,” Bianca said. “Which means that either it’s a bullshit source, their usual currency, or that the suspect has leaked it themself.”

“God, Bianca, this is fucking madness.”

Bianca looked at the pavement awkwardly, then at Willam. “Look, I wasn’t going to mention it to you today given the massive amount of stress you’ve already been put through, but we need something on Phi Phi’s party to distract from this mess. If you have anything…well, we’d all appreciate it. Especially Number 10, if you get me.”

Willam momentarily wished she was lying sleeping on a hospital bed instead of Sharon.

“Okay,” she simply nodded once, her mind too full of words to say anything else. Bianca nodded back in goodbye and walked towards her car. Willam watched her climb in and drive off before beginning her own walk back to the hospital. On the way she saw people walking to work, some of whom gave her funny looks. She wondered if they all knew what had happened, until she realised she was still in her clothes from last night- green fur jacket, black lace crop top, tight black skirt without tights and platform trainers on her feet.

Before long she was back at the hospital and in the lift up to the ICU. As she found Sharon’s room, it was almost as if the past hour or so hadn’t happened as the girls were still in the same position- Sharon unmoving on the bed, Alaska staring at her and holding her hand, and Courtney with her phone in her hand texting furiously. Alaska and Courtney looked up as Willam entered the room.

“Hey,” Courtney said, her eyes slightly wide in anticipation. “How was it?”

“It was okay. They asked me a bunch of things I couldn’t answer and then a couple of things I could. I just felt like a fucking failure, like I was no help at all.”

“Stop it,” Courtney frowned, chastising her. “You’re not a failure at all. I bet you were really helpful. Here, come sit. You must be shattered.”

With that, Courtney rose from her chair and beckoned Willam to sit. Too exhausted to protest, Willam slid into it. She looked at Sharon, then Alaska.

“Anything?”

Alaska sighed deeply. “Nothing. She hasn’t even moved.”

Worry churned in Willam’s stomach. Courtney piped up. “The doctor was in though, and he said that sometimes it can help to talk to them even if they’re not responding.”

“Did you try it?”

Alaska chuckled. “We read her some of Heat magazine.”

“Oh, good, she’d have loved that,” Willam said dryly, causing Courtney to snort. Willam thought for a moment, then turned back to Alaska. “Well, when she wakes up, you’ll be sitting there. She’s not properly seen you for ages. Why don’t you talk to her? Explain your side of everything that’s happened.”

Willam looked to Courtney for approval, who shrugged. “Worth a try, Lask.”

Alaska took a deep breath, laughed a little self-consciously, then turned to Sharon.

“Hey babe,” she began, looking at Willam and Courtney in embarrassment, then back to Sharon. “God, this is just…literal torture seeing you like this. Somehow I just feel like all of this is my fault, maybe if I’d stayed with you then you wouldn’t have gone out with Willam and none of this would have happened. I’m an absolute dick, really, because I’ve been ignoring you and every single attempt you’ve made at trying to contact me and then Willam phoned me and told me about what happened and all I could think about was getting here and being with you. It was the worst fucking moment of my life, Sharon. I kept torturing myself and wondering what if she never wakes up, that the last contact I had with you was over some fucking stupid USB stick that I didn’t even want to give to you in the first place? And I couldn’t even tell you-”

Willam looked up as Alaska sniffed. Tears were running down her face and welling in her eyes, and Alaska used the hand that wasn’t holding Sharon’s to wipe at her nose.

“I couldn’t even tell you want I wanted to tell you- that I wanted to just put everything aside and make up with you, to stop our stupid fucking fight, to tell you that I never wanted to end things with you and that the whole thing was a horrible, stupid mistake,” Alaska sobbed, snuffling and taking a deep breath in. “And I couldn’t even tell you that I loved you- that I love you- and when I got that call I was so fucking terrified of never being able to say it to you again. Do you remember when we first said it to each other, Sharon? It was the night we went out for dinner at that Italian restaurant at like, eleven o’clock after I’d gone with you to Newsnight, and you walked me back home and we watched a film- The Other Woman- and you hated it, and you were making all these jokes about it and I was joining in and we laughed so much that when it died down and we just looked at each other I couldn’t help but say it. And you said it back right after? Why can’t we go back to the way things were? Fuck, I would have kept our relationship secret for a lifetime if it meant we could have just stayed together. In fact fuck, if it means so much Sharon, I won’t pursue the whole MP thing. You’re more important to me than my job, you’re more important to me than life. I love you more than anything or anyone I’ve ever loved in my life so please…”

Alaska took a big gulp of air. “…please, fuck, get better.”

Willam and Courtney stood in a horrible, cold silence as they watched Alaska cry quietly to herself. Suddenly, Willam gave a slight jump as Sharon’s free hand came up to her face and slowly lifted the oxygen mask to one side.

“You are becoming an MP, bitch,” she croaked hoarsely, causing Alaska’s gaze to shoot up to look at her girlfriend. “There’s no way you’re giving up on that just because I’m in a hospital bed.”

Willam choked a laugh as she looked at Alaska, her face at once shocked and relieved. She looked slightly as if she didn’t know what to do for a moment, then elected to burst out crying, bringing Sharon’s hand up to her face to kiss it over and over again. Sharon laughed- tiredly, weakly, but it was a laugh nonetheless.

“Jesus Christ, you took your time there,” Willam smiled, part of her wanting to cry in relief too.

“How long have I been out for?” Sharon asked, coughing as she sat up.

“Since about 1. It’s like, 6.15 now.”

“Shit,” she said, her voice weak.

“How are you feeling?” Courtney asked, visibly relieved too.

“Like someone’s kicked me half to death. Pain meds do shit all, I feel like shit but also incredibly high,” Sharon wheezed, then turned to Alaska. Her face softened and judging by Alaska’s reaction, she had squeezed her hand. “Hey, stranger.”

Alaska laughed through her tears. “Hey.”

Sharon smiled affectionately. “Is this all I had to do to get you back, then? Get run over?”

“Don’t,” Alaska half-laughed, half-cried, then kissed Sharon’s fingers. “Sharon, I’m so sorry. Oh my God, I was so fucking worried.”

“Yeah, I know. I heard it all. I could have said something halfway through, I just wanted you to keep saying more nice things about me,” Sharon joked, still her old self despite the tubes and drips and machines. Her expression grew dark as she turned to Courtney. “Oh, by the way. Never read me fucking any women’s magazine ever again. Hearing about Natalie Cassidy’s fucking colonoscopy was more painful than getting struck down.”

All four of the girls laughed, happy to be together with everyone conscious and cheerful all over again.

“Bianca’s been round. And people have said nice things. Trinity, Peppermint, Latrice, Max, Shea, Sasha,” Willam mentioned, thinking it would cheer Sharon up. Sharon smiled in a lazy, drugged-up-on-pain-meds way.

“God. All that in five hours? Did Bianca leave flowers?”

“No, of course not,” Alaska sighed. Then she laughed. “She stuck News 24 on.”

The girls all laughed again, this time quieter. Courtney took a deep breath and stretched. Sharon narrowed her swollen eyes at her.

“Are we boring you, Act?”

Courtney gave a smile. “Listen, I’ve been up a long time. It’s hard to squeeze a date, a trauma and a relief into one night. Slash…morning.”

“Oh yeah, how did that go?” Alaska asked pleasantly. She’d still not let go of Sharon’s hand, Willam noted with a smile.

“It was nice. We’re going to stay friends, though.”

Sharon looked at Willam meaningfully. Willam gave her a look that simply said, behave.

“Fair enough. I think me and Alaska are going to stay friends too,” Sharon smiled lazily, laughing as Alaska’s face grew bashful.

“Stop it. I’ve suffered enough,” she leaned her head over to nuzzle it into the crook of Sharon’s neck, one of the few parts of her that didn’t have wires or tubes coming in or out of it.

“I know, baby, I’m sorry.”

Alaska frowned and lifted her head off of Sharon’s shoulder momentarily. “This isn’t the broken collarbone, is it?”

Sharon laughed. “I broke a collarbone? Oh, well, fucked if I know. Everything hurts.”

Willam laughed. She stretched and yawned. Life and normal routine seemed so far away. “I think I should go home and sleep, now that I know you’re alright.”

“Me too,” Courtney said, giving a yawn that Willam could tell was fake. Why was that?

“You guys go ahead. I’m going to stay here for a while,” Alaska smiled at Sharon, the other woman returning her smile and shrugging.

“You can go home if you want, babe. I might have another snooze.”

“Well, I’ll snooze with you,” Alaska said matter-of-factly, shuffling her chair forward and resting her head on Sharon’s side. Sharon smiled and used her other hand to stroke Alaska’s hair.

Willam looked at Courtney, taking her cue to leave. She cast her gaze back to the couple. “I’ll be back when I’ve had a sleep and something to eat. Bianca might be back, just to warn you.” She wondered if she should mention the shit with Phi Phi. She decided not to.

“Oh, goody,” Sharon sighed, re-adjusting her oxygen mask so that it was over her face as a goodbye. Alaska waved sleepily to her friends and then Willam left the room, followed by Courtney. They walked down the corridor silently for a minute, neither one of them sure of what to say. Courtney’s words from earlier swirled around in Willam’s mind, and the fact that the two of them were alone together again, with so much possibility and opportunity of things that could be said, made Willam’s skin prickle in excitement and optimism.

As if she could read Willam’s mind, Courtney gave a small sigh as they both walked into the open air. She turned to face Willam and looked her in the eyes. “I know it sounds stupid, but I could really murder a glass of wine.”

“Same.”

Courtney was still looking at her. “Well, I’ve got wine at my place, if you want to come.”

Willam didn’t hesitate. “Okay. Sounds good.”

They talked about trivial things on the walk to the tube, and on the tube itself. The elephant in the room (or train carriage) was enormous and almost suffocating, and the sound of the train against the electric charges almost mirrored the electricity that seemed to run through Willam’s veins - Courtney isn’t over me, and I’m not over her.

It was almost seven o’clock in the morning by the time they got to Courtney’s flat, but the sheer adrenaline that was pumping through her heart was keeping Willam awake. As Courtney opened her front door for Willam and slipped off her shoes, Willam looked around at the small hallway. It had been around four months since she’d last been here, but nothing had changed. It was somehow reassuring to Willam. She followed Courtney into the kitchen where the other girl had pulled out two bottles of wine- an unopened red with a somewhat dusty bottle, and a half-full white with that fresh-from-the-fridge wet glaze.

“I like either, so it’s your pick,” Courtney smiled easily, making Willam wonder whether or not she was feeling the same mix of apprehension and excitement.

“Well, white’s going to make us feel less guilty about the fact we’re drinking wine when we’re normally getting ready for work,” Willam shrugged, Courtney snorting a laugh and fetching two glasses from a cupboard below her breakfast bar. She picked up the glasses in one hand and the bottle in the other and made her way through to the living room, Willam following behind her. As they slumped down on the sofas and Courtney poured the wine out, Willam sighed.

“I’m so fucking relieved she’s okay.”

Courtney looked at her, an expression on her face that Willam couldn’t make out. “I just can’t believe it all actually happened. It’s like a horrendous nightmare,” she lifted up her glass. “To Sharon being alive.”

Willam smiled lazily and echoed the sentiment. “To Sharon being alive.”

There was silence for a moment as they both took a sip, Willam watching the early morning sun bathe the skyline out of Courtney’s French doors.

“Do you think…it was deliberate?” Courtney spoke quietly, Willam looking at her only to find Courtney was looking at the view as well.

“Fuck, I don’t know. The police think so. Could be, or it could be a jittery driver with a guilty conscience who didn’t want to stop.”

Courtney nodded, then narrowed her eyes. “Didn’t the doctor say she was lucky to be alive? Ten miles an hour more and she wouldn’t have made it. If it was a main road and the car wasn’t going that fast, it kind of sounds like someone was parked waiting for her. Do you not think?”

Willam rolled her eyes. “Or it was just someone that wasn’t driving very fast.”

“On a main road like that at 1am? Willam, come on.”

Willam couldn’t help but laugh. “What is this, CSI: Sydney?”

Courtney walloped Willam on the arm, then laughed with her. She sighed. “I’ve just been sitting waiting with Alaska for so long that I’ve had all of these thoughts running around my head, but of course I couldn’t share them with her. I’m glad you came back with me.”

Willam’s heart gave a jump. She wanted to say something in response, something flirty that didn’t come on too strong, but her mind couldn’t conjure anything up.

Courtney spoke again, and Willam noticed she had that same look on her face as before. “So how come you were,” she paused the tiniest amount. “…out with Sharon anyway?”

“She suggested it. Probably thought it’d cheer us both up,” Willam shrugged, taking another sip. She noticed Courtney still hadn’t taken that look off her face. What did she want from her?

Honesty?

“Court, you should probably know. And I probably should’ve told you sooner. Me and Sharon had this whole thing when we were at uni,” Willam felt herself just coming out with it and it was like jumping out of a moving vehicle. Courtney’s expression finally relaxed.

“Okay.”

Willam picked at a stray thread on a sofa cushion. “You don’t seem surprised.”

“Because I’m not,” Courtney said plainly, taking a small sip. She paused, then added, “You always had this weird tension between you when you started. Like you really weren’t keen on her and I couldn’t see why. She always seemed as if she was walking on eggshells slightly around you. It only really seemed to go away…gosh, I don’t know when. But I always wondered why you were like that with her.”

Willam looked out at the view again. “I tried to reset my own view of the whole situation. I told anyone who asked that I knew her from uni, and that wasn’t a lie, but just not the full truth either.”

There was a small silence. Courtney leant over to top up their glasses. As she was pouring, she spoke again. Willam noticed how level and nonchalant her voice was, as if she was making a particular effort not to sound too interested. “So what was it that went on between you?”

Willam exhaled. Even after she’d talked through it all with Sharon, she still didn’t know what they’d been. “A miscommunication. She thought we were just friends that fucked, which we were. I saw it as more than that. I was a young, naive little bitch and I just got too deep in my feelings. It’s fucked, though, because the whole thing just made me so scared of relationships. Like what if it ever happened again to me and I was into it but the other person wasn’t?”

Courtney nodded understandingly. Her eyes were soft. It was scary to Willam to be telling Courtney all of this, but she didn’t seem to be scared off by it.

“Wonder how that feels, to be really, really into someone only to find out that they weren’t on your wavelength about it at all.”

“It was-” Willam started, then stopped as realisation dawned on her. She looked at Courtney, who was trying to conceal a smile. Willam laughed apologetically. “Fuck.”

Courtney gave a soft laugh, reaching out and taking Willam’s free hand. She held it gently. The gesture almost broke Willam’s heart. All at once it hit her just how badly she’d fucked up with Courtney. Only now was she realising that she had put Courtney in the exact same position that she had been in with Sharon all those years ago. Looking at Courtney’s hand, she squeezed it tightly. “Courtney, I’m sorry. I mean it.”

Courtney gave a peaceful smile. “I know you are.”

Willam smiled back. A small weight on her heart noted that she’d not been forgiven, only acknowledged, but after the past fortnight or so, acknowledgement was better than nothing.

“What was Bianca saying anyway?” Courtney continued, sipping her wine again. Willam sighed deeply.

“Well, you know that Phi Phi’s trying to politicise everything already. Bianca wants something on her party to take the heat off Sharon.”

Courtney grimaced and shook her head. She still hadn’t let go of Willam’s hand. “Jesus Christ, it’s all so messy and gross and tasteless.”

“I know, Court, but it’s our career. It was bound to happen. Politician gets hit by car, it turns political. Politician does anything, it turns political,” Willam shrugged, taking a drink. The sun was higher in the sky now and it was illuminating Courtney’s hair so beautifully.

“What are we supposed to get for her? This situation’s already stressful enough as it is.”

Willam felt herself tense up. She allowed herself to confront what she’d been pushing to the back of her mind all this time. She still had those photos on her phone of Roxxxy and Detox from all those months ago at Alyssa’s ball, and Phi Phi had recently voted against an LGBT-inclusive curriculum in secondary schools. How would the media react if she’d unknowingly voted against a policy which showed disapproval towards her own two advisors?

“I have something,” Willam stated simply, causing Courtney to sigh in relaxation.

“Thank Christ. Just give it to Bianca now and she can get out of our hair and let Sharon recover. What is it, anyway? Oil dumping in the Pacific? Foxhunting?” she laughed gently, stopping as she saw Willam’s grave face.

“Roxxxy and Detox,” she said. Courtney’s face dropped, her wine glass tipping over a little and threatening to spill. “I got photos of them at Alyssa’s ball, together. It would make Phi Phi look like a massive idiot and would take her down more than a few pegs…” Willam let all the air out of her body and looked into her glass. “…but it also outs both of her advisors.”

Courtney looked sick. “Oh God. Willam, you can’t do that.”

“I know,” she shook her head and wondered if she could voice the other horrible thought in her head. Communication could be good right now, she supposed. “Although part of me thinks why not? Fuck them, you know? They were both absolute cunts to Alaska, they work for a fucking sycophant. And I just…ugh…I really want that Number 10 job, and Bianca heavily implied that any info on this could get me it.”

She looked hesitantly for Courtney’s reaction. It turned out there were a lot of them. First, she wrinkled her nose and scrunched up her face in a brief display of disgust. Then, her expression completely dropped as if she was considering something. Finally she put her glass down, reached out to take Willam’s hand in her own, and gazed at her kindly.

“Willam,” she began. “Why do you want this job so much?”

Willam gave a choked laugh. “I mean it’s…it’s my fucking dream, Courtney. It’s all I’ve ever wanted out of life, to get to Number 10, to actually say I work there. I’ll have finally made it…and not many people can say that.”

“Okay,” Courtney nodded. Willam could tell she was listening intently. “So…you get the job at Number 10, let’s say. And what then?”

Willam blinked. “What do you mean?”

“What then? What do you aim for, what do you aspire to be after that? If that’s your life’s dream and it’s already achieved? Bill, you’re not even 30 yet,” Courtney smiled gently, tucking a piece of Willam’s layers behind her ear. “If you complete your life’s goal and you’re not even at the halfway point…what happens then?”

Willam felt completely blank. “Well, I…”

Courtney continued. “I know you don’t want to be PM, because you’re happy in the background. I know you don’t have any designs on leadership for the same reason. So what else is there?”

Willam paused and thought, trying to summon up something. “Bianca’s going to have to retire at some point.”

Courtney barked a laugh. “And what, you take her job? You take the job that consumed Bianca’s life so much she ended up getting divorced and she now lives on her own with no family? You want that life?”

Willam felt as if she’d heard Courtney’s voice catch in her throat. She was looking at her almost pleadingly, hopefully, desperate for what she deigned the right answer. Her intensity unsettled Willam. Or perhaps it was the truth in all that Courtney was saying? She’d never once reconsidered her determination to get to Number 10, never once wavered in her decision-making, because if she changed her mind about the job she’d wanted for so long, what was left?

“What do you have at Dosac? You’ve got me, you’ve got Sharon, you’ve got Alaska and the other girls. You’ve got a considerable amount of influence, you’re a big fish in a small pond. Other departments know your name, you’ve got so many opportunities. And if you change now…all that will be gone.”

Willam looked out of the windows again. The sun was now directly at her eye level. She turned back to Courtney and frowned at her. “Why are you saying all this, Court?”

Courtney looked away as if Willam’s gaze had burnt her. “I’m not trying to stop you from going after what you want, Willam. That would make me a horrific friend and an even worse person. I’m just trying to get you to be sure that it really is what you want.”

Willam’s voice caught in her throat. She looked away from Courtney, drained her glass, then placed it gently on the coffee table in front of them both.

“I should probably go home-” Willam began, making to slide off the couch, but Courtney gripped tighter to her hand. Turning, Willam saw a need in Courtney’s eyes that she’d never once experienced before.

“Stay,” she said simply. It was so quiet but so strong, and the blood in Willam’s veins was freezing and icy but pumping so rapidly like an ice cold waterfall, and she could feel her heart plummeting with it.

“Why?” Willam asked, and as soon as it left her mouth she cursed herself for it, but a part of her wanted to hear Courtney say what was on her mind. Frowning and sighing a tiny, needy sigh, Courtney gently tugged at Willam’s hand.

“I just need to be…close to you just now. Because I’ve fucking missed you.”

Willam looked at her hand in Courtney’s, then met her eyes.

Now or never.

And in one fluid movement Willam was back on the sofa, both her hands fisted and tangled in Courtney’s blonde hair, melting and moaning into a kiss full of fire that Willam wanted never to end.

***

Willam woke up in the same bed she’d woken up in in December, with the same girl she’d woken up with in December. Except the circumstances weren’t quite the same. Instead of grey skies and pouring rain, the sun that poked through the blinds was golden and warm, lighting up the room. Courtney was still in the bed, her eyes shut with her dark lashes fanned out and framing them as she slept. Probably the biggest difference, though, was that both of them were completely naked.

Sex with Courtney was every bit as amazing as Willam had imagined it would be, and she was already sorry that she couldn’t remember every single second of the entire thing in detail. She could swear that nobody else, not even Sharon, could make her feel the way Courtney had made her feel last night. She had expected it to be good and for Courtney to know what she was doing, but what she didn’t expect was for Courtney to have a mouth like a phone sex chat line girl and she had actually almost laughed in awe of the stuff she was coming out with. She didn’t know if it was the intensity of the situation that fed into it- there were so many emotions that Willam had been put through last night (or this morning, she supposed) that she had almost cried once everything was over and Courtney was holding her in her arms, but she hadn’t. She’d been calm, and happy, like her life was finally at peace. Sharon was going to be alright, and Courtney had…what? Courtney had forgiven her? Courtney liked her again? Courtney wanted to be more than her friend? She didn’t know, but she got the feeling that whatever it was was positive.

Willam wondered whether or not to wake her up but Courtney quickly solved that problem as her arm reached out to grab Willam by the waist and pull her closer, Courtney nuzzling into her side sleepily.

“Hey,” she murmured through a yawn, kissing Willam’s skin and making her feel as if she was 19 years old with a melting, gooey heart all over again.

“G’morning,” Willam smiled, rubbing her eyes then remembering she hadn’t taken off any of her makeup from the night before. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Mm. Always sleep like a baby after sex, I think it’s some weird nympho-narcoleptic thing I need to see a doctor about.”

Willam’s heart hammered in her chest and instantly woke her up more. “So we’re just coming out and addressing that that happened immediately?”

Courtney hurriedly sat up in bed and looked her in the eye, exasperation on her face. She’d foregone pulling the duvet up to cover herself and her boobs were fully out. “Uh, we’re both stark bollock naked, dipshit. How much more addressing of the situation could there be?”

“Yeah I know, fuckhead!” Willam snapped, a laugh bubbling in her throat. “I just don’t…I don’t know what this means now? Like what are we?”

Courtney half-laughed, half-sighed then pulled a pillow over her face and yelled into it. “Fuck! I don’t know, Willam, okay?”

Willam was smiling, but she simultaneously felt as if she was hanging by a thread. She watched as Courtney pulled the pillow off her face then rolled over and pulled her close.

“Cards on the table, I really fucking like you. I’ve never stopped liking you. I care about you, and I want to see you do well, and I like us when we’re together. We just work, we fit. We squabble at times, but it’s never malicious. But this job…it’s a bitch, and I don’t want us ending up having to hide away or have our lives ruined by it like Sharon and Alaska. So I don’t…” Courtney sighed. Willam could see her pulse thudding rapidly under her skin by her wrist. “I don’t want to label us just now. I’m scared to. But can we just…can we at least be exclusive? Because I don’t want to share you with anyone else.”

Willam smiled and rolled her eyes. “As if I’d fucking want anyone else.”

Courtney nuzzled her head into Willam’s side, and Willam cast her eyes to the sun coming in through the blinds. She blinked quickly three times. “No, that sounds good. Exclusive but with no labels. I can do that. Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“For what?” Courtney kissed Willam’s temple.

“For being a cunt to you.”

“You were a cunt to me?” Courtney pulled away, frowning. “Now that doesn’t sound like Willam Belli at all.”

Willam took that as a yes.

“No more games,” Courtney said quietly, gently stroking the palm of Willam’s hand with her finger.

“No more games,” Willam agreed.

It was 2 o’clock by the time they got back to the hospital to see Sharon, after they’d showered, dressed (Willam borrowing Courtney’s clothes again), had some breakfast and got the two tubes over. It was an unspoken plan- they hadn’t talked about whether they should stay at the flat, or go visit Sharon, or even go into work. There was only one place they really needed to be today. They’d talked and chatted and laughed just as they used to, but without any awkward tension and with extra added hand holding and light knuckle and cheek kisses. They’d wondered out loud whether it had been in poor taste to fuck within the 24 hours that they’d found out Sharon had been hit by a car, before deciding that it was probably what Sharon would have wanted and endorsed anyway.

When they arrived at Sharon’s ward, it was as if nothing had changed at all- Alaska seemingly hadn’t moved from her seat and was still sitting in it facing Sharon in her Winnie the Pooh pyjamas, while the other woman was still in bed but was propped up with pillows and had her oxygen mask on. She had a loving, dreamy look on her face and seemed to be listening to Alaska talk when Courtney and Willam arrived. Alaska turned around excitedly when they came in.

“Morning,” Willam smiled, moving to hug Alaska tightly and then Sharon markedly less so, in case Willam accidentally pulled a wire out. “Or afternoon, or whatever the fuck time it is.”

“Hey,” Sharon took her mask off and smiled gently.

“How are you feeling, Sharon?” Courtney asked as she took her turn to hug her.

“I’m holding up okay. I had a big sleep when you two left, woke up at like 9. Then me and Alaska had a massive chat which took about an hour and exhausted me, so I had a nap again. Woke up about an hour ago and Alaska had stuck on the news. It’s weird seeing myself on the news in a capacity which isn’t politics. I’m not in the mood for a lot of talking so Alaska’s just been telling me about her leadership campaign,” Sharon gestured to Alaska’s happy, excited face and smiled fondly. “Christ, she looks like she’s about to explode. I fucking love this girl so much.”

Willam made a vomiting sound as she pulled up a chair beside Alaska. “Gross. So your big chat. Did you both grow up and say sorry to each other?”

Willam saw Alaska squeeze Sharon’s hand. “Of course we fucking did. That was the first thing we said. Then we basically just cried and talked about how much we loved each other for the next 59 minutes.”

Courtney laughed, and Alaska gave a small giggle then shook her head as she looked at Sharon. “No, joking. Well, we did do that. But we also spoke about career stuff- what we wanted in the next five years, what we need to do to get there.”

“It’s doable for what we both want. We just need to support each other, make it two sided and communicate. I know that now,” Sharon piped up, smiling at Alaska as if it was for her benefit and not Courtney and Willam’s.

“Well, I’m glad you two have made up,” Courtney smiled softly, moving to perch on Willam’s knee in the absence of a chair. Willam pulled her close. She didn’t miss the look that passed between Alaska and Sharon.

“Um, on the topic of making up…” Alaska raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at them both. “…what is this?”

“Courtney sitting on my lap?” Willam said sarcastically, resting her head on Courtney’s back.

“Yes…” Sharon said, waving a tubed-up hand to prompt more. “So…?”

“So…what?” Courtney asked, just as deadpan as Willam had been, and she loved her for it.

“Oh fuck, put a dying woman out of her misery!” Sharon coughed out in exasperation, earning her a furious look and a gentle smack from Alaska.

“DON’T joke about that!” she glared at her for all of two seconds, before she took her hand and turned back to Courtney and Willam. “But seriously guys, Sharon’s only got one properly working lung, can you just give us the information that we both already know but want to scream like babies at when it comes from you?”

Courtney turned and looked at Willam, suddenly embarrassed. Willam gave her a squeeze and spoke for her. “Well, we’re going to disappoint you, because we’re not girlfriends. We can’t all fall in love with our work friends and go balls-deep into a relationship. But no, we’re just…”

“We like each other, and we’re exclusive, and we’re going to take it a day at a time,” Courtney finished, Alaska giving a small, excited squeal. Sharon smiled and rolled her eyes.

“Bo-ring! I want to know if you’ve banged yet.”

“Yeah, we did,” Courtney shrugged, Willam completely shocked at her blasé display of honesty but also too tired to care much. Sharon let out a loud cheer, then immediately started coughing violently in a sobering display that reminded the girls why they were all together in the first place. Seeing Alaska’s concerned face, Sharon frowned.

“I’m fine, it’s okay,” she wheezed, waving a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry. Just coughing up pieces of old lung, they say the new one should grow back within 3-5 working days.”

Alaska snorted. Willam laughed and shook her head. “You’re so fucking unfunny it hurts.”

Sharon shrugged. “Blame the pain meds, I’ve been popping them like Smints.”

They chatted quietly after that, the four of them just enjoying each other’s’ company without having to talk about work or politics or anything like that. Often Alaska would talk for Sharon, the other woman wearing her oxygen mask and resting. Alaska had phoned Jinkx and texted the comms girls to fill them in on what had happened, after they all basically woke up, saw the headlines and immediately fired off about fifty texts to Alaska, Courtney and Willam (none of which Willam saw, her phone having long since died.). Sharon was annoyed that Jinkx wouldn’t honour her request to bring in her work laptop so she could work from her hospital bed, a request which all three advisors were glad she’d shut down. They were all going to pop in at some point in the evening to visit, Adore and Katya promising to bring what they’d termed as “huge, inconvenient, inflatable balloons”. Willam had told Sharon about the Phi Phi incident, Sharon rolling her eyes almost to the back of her head but refusing to allow herself to get worked up over it.

“That’s a point, actually,” she said, sitting up in bed and wincing slightly at some unseen pain. “Didn’t you say Bianca would be visiting me soon? She’s not been in.”

“Well, she still has to oversee all the other departments. Maybe something’s happened with them?” Courtney offered, Sharon shrugging and conceding.

Around ten minutes later, they had their answer. Bianca came in to Sharon’s room dressed in her usual work attire, ironically all in black. Her face was serious but she had a small, kind smile, and was holding a box of Guiylan pralines.

“Christ, Bianca, I’ve not died,” Sharon laughed by way of a greeting, as Bianca cracked a rare, genuine smile and handed her the chocolates.

“Shut it. Some of us still have to go to work. How are you?”

“Sore.”

“That’s crap, I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I didn’t swing by earlier. I’ve been at Number 10, I’ve been with the police, I’ve been into Dosac. This might be a bit of good news for you,” she said, addressing the room this time. “The police have apprehended a guy. Old woman who lives in the area had CCTV outside her flat. She came forward with footage of a car going well beyond the speed limit. Matches the time that the whole thing happened. They were able to get a number plate from it and traced it back to the fucker.”

Willam was in shock. She had no idea it would all happen so quickly. Looking at Bianca closely, she could see how puffy her eyes were and how her dark circles had been concealed with foundation, and how much her hands were shaking. It hit her how hard Bianca must have been working to help the police catch whoever had done this to Sharon.

“Thank you, Bianca,” she said, her voice coming out way more emotional than she’d meant it to. Bianca turned to her in surprise, as if she was taken aback slightly.

“Well, I mean, don’t thank me. The police did all the work. They’ll be in to question you, Sharon, but once you’re feeling a bit better. Maybe this evening, or tomorrow.”

“Oh, great. Reliving the moment a car hit me in all its horrifying detail, with the greatest hits of poison pen letters as a follow-up. All my fucky stars have come at once,” Sharon said. Her breathing was becoming laboured, so she put her oxygen mask back on.

“Just keep the damn thing on, you’ve had it off and on like a fucking lightswitch the entire time you’ve been awake,” Alaska chastised her, tucking the hospital blanket in around Sharon. “I’ll maybe see if there’s some way Jinkx can bring in your duvet.”

“You could always go get it for her,” Courtney suggested, Alaska laughing at the ridiculous suggestion.

“Yeah, good one Court, like I’m going to leave her side until she’s discharged.”

Bianca watched the whole exchange carefully, then opened her mouth. “So I take it…that you’re back together.”

Alaska looked at Sharon and nodded.

“You understand that I’m absolutely livid at the pair of you for ever beginning this in the first place and that if it had even got into the media you would have been out of a job?” Bianca said, pointing to Alaska. Alaska blinked and gave a small shrug.

“She would have been worth it,” she said, Willam noticing how Sharon squeezed Alaska’s hand. Bianca fake-gagged.

“Yes, well, in any case, I’m hearing you’ve got plans to stand in the by-election? Is that still happening?” Bianca asked. “Because if it is, then it would make my life a lot easier. There’s not nearly as many implications. In fact you could probably put you two into the public eye. Might be good for the party.”

Sharon wheezed a laugh and Alaska suppressed a smile. “God. Our relationship is literally politically correct. But yeah, I am standing. It’d be good to get some tips from you about that, actually.”

Bianca checked her phone as she spoke. “You don’t need tips. I’ll get you the support you need. Might as well start considering yourself an MP.”

Alaska smiled happily, bringing Sharon’s hand up to her face and kissing it in excitement.

“Although that does mean a position opening up at Dosac. Got anyone in mind, Sharon?”

Sharon sighed exasperatedly, ripping off her mask and gesturing to all her tubes and wires. “Funnily enough, no, I’ve been too busy being a human fucking colander!”

Willam smiled at Sharon knowingly. “I’ve got someone in mind. She’s young, and a bit fucking useless at the moment, but we could train her up. She’s got potential.”

“Well, that seems sorted,” Bianca shrugged. “Right, I’m going to have to make tracks. Flying visit. One of Trinity Taylor’s one night stands has gone to Closer magazine and we can’t risk that getting into the press. But take care, okay?”

Sharon waved a hand. “Thank you, Bianca.”

“No problem. See you later. Willam, can I borrow you for a second?”

Willam’s heart sank as she followed Bianca out of the room. She knew that Bianca was going to ask her if she had anything on Phi Phi. She knew that the photos were still in her phone, burning a hole in her pocket. She knew that Courtney didn’t want her to take the job at Number 10. She knew that her and Courtney weren’t at all official yet.

What she didn’t know was what she was going to do.

They stood at the side of the corridor beside the glass outside Sharon’s room, doctors and nurses hurrying past and completely oblivious to Willam about to make one of the biggest decisions of her life.

“So,” Bianca opened. “If you’ve got anything for me, now is the time to say, because the right-wing media are starting to lap up Phi Phi’s bullshit pretty fucking quickly. It would take a lot of the heat off Sharon if we could just…bury her.”

Willam felt pained. She had completely forgotten about the implications this would have for Sharon.

“So anything at all would be a saving grace,” Bianca finished, looking Willam in the eye and almost triggering a fight or flight response in her.

What would Courtney want her to do? What would Bianca want her to do?

What would Sharon want her to do?

“Um,” Willam swallowed. Her throat was completely dry. “You know, it’s been a rough 24 hours…I haven’t really managed to find anything.” Bianca looked visibly disappointed. “Sorry, Bianca.”

The other woman nodded understandingly. “That’s okay. It has been a rough time. Thank you for looking after her, Willam.”

Willam gave a small smile and without knowing what possessed her, she was speaking again. “Also, Bianca…take me out of the running for the Number 10 job.”

This was the first time Willam had ever seen Bianca look legitimately shocked in her life. Bianca always knew what was going on, she was always so plugged in and in the loop, there was so rarely anything that she didn’t know. So this information was clearly a bombshell. “I mean. I can, but I would also be asking why in the fuck would you want me to do that?”

Willam sighed. “I’m still young. There’ll be other chances to work there and besides, there’s other stuff I want to focus on right now. There’s more to life than politics, I guess.”

Bianca gave a harsh laugh. “Life is politics, Willam.”

“Your life, maybe.”

“Yeah, well,” Bianca exhaled. She had a faraway look in her eyes. “I suppose you’re right about that.”

Willam suddenly heard Courtney laugh through the glass and she involuntarily smiled. She looked back at Bianca, who was looking through the glass.

“Is this because of her?”

Willam looked back at the glass, then cocked her head. “Sort of. It’s for me first, and her second. People spend so much of their lives wishing for better, focusing so much on the future or on the past. Like…what’s wrong with what we have now? You know? Appreciate what you’ve got. Change is good. Except if it’s not. I don’t know, fuck, I’m so tired.”

Bianca nodded slowly, a tiny frown still present on her face. “You’re sure this is what you want?”

“Honestly, no,” Willam laughed. “But I’m sure I want things to stay as they are, for now. There’s going to be so much change in Dosac. It would be nice for me to stay a constant.”

Bianca gave a small sigh. “Well, I won’t say I’m not disappointed. But good for you, Willam.”

Willam shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I’ll see you, Bianca.”

“See you, Willam.”

As Bianca walked away, Willam thought it was the first time she’d ever seen her look genuinely gutted. It made her feel slightly proud of herself, though she had no idea why. Watching her until she was out of sight, Willam turned back and went back into Sharon’s room.

“Back,” she said. Sharon looked up at her, puzzled.

“What was that all about?” she frowned.

“Wanted to know if I had anything we could use on Phi Phi.”

“And did you?”

Willam looked at Courtney, who seemed frozen. She paused. “No. No, of course I didn’t. Been too busy making sure your dumb fucking roadkill ass is okay, haven’t I?”

As Sharon and Alaska laughed, Willam watched as Courtney’s face lit up. She crossed the room and wrapped her arms around Willam in a hug. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to.

“Willam, I’ve been meaning to say. Thank you. For phoning the ambulance,” Sharon said, suddenly serious. Her voice was quiet and her face grave.

Willam reached out and touched her leg lightly. “That’s what best friends do.”

Sharon smiled in gratitude, then gave a yawn. “Sorry to be boring, but I think I need to sleep again.”

“Well, we’ll leave,” Courtney smiled, her voice gentle. “I kind of want to go for a walk round the park. It’s such a nice day. You fancy joining us, Lask?”

Willam barely had time to bask in the use of “us” before Alaska rolled her eyes.

“What part of I’m-not-leaving-Sharon’s-side do you not understand? Go,” she smirked, looking at Willam and Courtney hand in hand. “Be cute and gross.”

Willam smiled at Courtney sheepishly, and Courtney smiled back. She turned back to the other couple in the room. “We’ll be back around dinnertime. Want us to bring you anything?”

“Ugh, a Wasabi please. Lunch was mush, with mashed mush, on a bed of mush. It’s enough to turn me vegetarian,” Sharon shook her head before laying down on her pillow and closing her eyes. “Thanks for coming in. See you later, guys.”

“See you both,” Courtney smied, waving at Alaska as she opened the door and Willam following behind her. Once they were out the room, they had taken a few steps down the corridor before Courtney spoke again. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” Willam said as she pressed the button for the lift. She wondered if she should say any more, but thanks was enough, and she decided to leave it. “So. Park then home, then back to see Sharon?”

“Home,” Courtney gave a little smile as she looked at Willam. “Home sounds nice.”

And as the lift doors closed leaving them both sealed up together going down towards the bright Spring day outside, Willam had to agree.

***

Willam woke up in the same bed she’d woken up in in December, and in April, with the same girl she’d woken up with in December and April. Except the circumstances weren’t quite the same. Firstly, Courtney was out of bed before her, and Willam could hear her battering and clanging around in their kitchen together (their kitchen, Willam thought fondly to herself, it would never get old to say their like that). Second, Willam didn’t have any inner turmoil or panicked thoughts or insecurities running around her mind. She was peaceful and calm, and life was good. Sure, Sharon had a fucker of a TV debate coming up the next day, and Willam was afraid that her ribs might re-break at the sheer force with which she was going to shout at Phi Phi O’Hara, but apart from that everything was all just fine. She hadn’t felt this calm in forever. In fact, no, that was a lie. She’d woken up feeling this calm every single day for the past two months since the day she and Courtney walked out of that lift together. Sure, there were one or two blips- the day she’d asked Courtney to be her girlfriend she had woken up completely convinced she was having a heart attack- but that aside, she’d never felt this content.

“Bill!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Put it on!”

Willam sat up, groaned, and rubbed her eyes sleepily. “What channel?”

A frustrated sigh. “It’s Sunday fucking Politics, you know what channel!!”

Laughing, Willam fumbled for the remote on her bedside table, in danger of knocking over many half-empty cups of coffee, and switched the TV on. She hadn’t needed to find the channel as the TV immediately showed her what they were both looking for- Alaska Thunder, MP for West Central London, the first MP to take the seat from Phi Phi O’Hara’s party in 12 years, in her biggest TV interview so far.

“Court, it’s started!” Willam shouted through, hearing a thunder of footsteps in response. Soon enough her girlfriend, her beautiful, tiny, blonde koala girlfriend, emerged from the hallway in her huge flannel Snoopy pyjamas holding two cups of coffee.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” she was saying, reaching over and almost spilling half the coffee on the bright white bedsheets as she half-handed, half-threw it to Willam. “I said to you it bloody started at 5 past 10, and you took the piss out of me!”

“No I fucking didn’t!” Willam cried incredulously, laughing.

“Yes you so did! Meh Courtney, why would a programme start at five past ten that’s such an awkward time, meh meh meh why do you think it’s going to start then, is it because of the time delay? Is it because you’re Australian? Mehhh,” Courtney imitated Willam. Willam went to retort but was immediately shushed by her girlfriend.

“Shut up! I don’t want to miss any more.”

Raja Gemini was asking Alaska a question, and she had her don’t-fuck-with-me face on. “Alaska Thunder, what I’d most like to know is- why were you so strongly in favour of the incarceration of young offenders until last week, when your fiancé Sharon Needles came out in support of rehabilitation? Is this what we can expect from you as an MP, to simply agree with everything your fiancé says?”

“That bitch.”

“Shut up!”

Alaska’s face was calm and amused. “No not at all, Raja, see my change of heart was based on a consultation I had with the Minister for Justice Sasha Coulee-Velour, where she actually presented me with lots of facts and figures as to why rehabilitation produces better results and contributes to a reduction of repeat offenders in society. I then conducted a focus group who pretty much agreed with the Minister, so I have decided to back what is clearly the more well-researched opinion.”

“But isn’t it true that Sharon Needles has held no such focus groups and has point-blank refused to listen to any opposing opinion on the other side? How must that translate to the public?”

Alaska smirked and narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know, Raja. If you wanted to ask that question you should have invited her onto your show. You asked for me, you’ve got me, and now you’re asking me about my fiancé? Is this Hello magazine or Sunday Politics?”

Courtney threw her hands up in the air and cheered. “Finish her, Lask!”

Just then, Willam’s phone buzzed. It was a message from Sharon. Willam knew she had taken the morning off to go into the studio and watch Alaska do the interview and was probably hiding behind the cameramen as Alaska and Raja spoke.

S: i say, that’s my baby and i’m really proud

Willam snorted, holding her phone up to show Courtney who laughed in response.

“Fucking hell, who keeps introducing her to memes?” she sighed, pouting as she looked to the TV and saw the interview was coming to a close. “Oh fuck, we missed pretty much the whole thing!”

Willam pulled her into a hug. “Doesn’t matter. We saw the best bit. There’ll be more interviews where that came from. I think Alaska’s making quite the splash.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Courtney smiled, sipping her coffee then sliding off the bed. “What’s our plan for today? We’re meeting Katya and Trixie for lunch, then Adore’s joining for drinks. She said she might bring her girlfriend along!”

“Oh, Aja?” Willam asked, scrolling her phone lazily. “That’s good, she seems nice.”

“Well, I’m going to shower if you need in before me?” Courtney offered, unhooking her towel from the back of their bedroom door.

“Nah, no need. I always just piss in your charcoal water. You’d never taste the difference,” Willam deadpanned, smiling as she watched Courtney laugh and throw a makeup sponge at her from the door.

Courtney was so beautiful, even in her old pyjamas and with her hair hanging messily over her shoulders. Her smile did something to Willam, something she’d never felt before and never wanted to stop feeling ever again. What was the something? Suddenly, it was as if Willam had been struck by a lightning bolt. She knew, but she couldn’t possibly tell her. Not today and not now. It was far too soon, surely?

Then a little voice in her head whispered to her. No more games.

Willam’s voice stopped her just as she was about to leave the room.

“Hey, Courtney?”

[sorcerusdragonbionics]

Reading list 6/22-6/29

So I got this from a few places, such as the FanFic Summer Reading Challenge as well as one of the profiles I’m following mentioning that they wanted to do a reading list of every fanfic they’ve read. I read A LOT, hence why wanted to do the Summer Reading Challenge, but I also wanted to share fics with people, so I’ve decided that every Sunday I’ll post the fics I’ve read in a Reading List for the week.

Fic ratings range from G to E, but all of them are labeled so if something isn’t your cup of tea, don’t read it. Since this is my first list and I want to see how it turns out I’ll keep them all together for now, but depending on how it turns out I might start dividing them up by fandom and possibly by Rating.

For Now: Tell me if this Sharable Link works for you Google Drive Folks, or Read More if you feel so inclined.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/19Py4njs7UTYOijl3TkGAB2MouJ4uiTa4e3uB6ThpMjs/edit?usp=sharing

Revenge of White Rabbit

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: TiBun, UnknownPaws

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4832390/chapters/11067851

Status: Complete

Series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/329461

Complete

Three works

Chapters: 14/14

Summary: They say that bad things happen in threes, but they never specify just how Nightmarish "bad things" can get.

Rating: E

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Major Character Death

Words: 45091

You’re All I Need

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: towokuwusatsuwu

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8565637/chapters/19636612

Status: Incomplete

 Last Updated 2016/11/17

Chapters: 2/?

Summary: In a world where you only see in shades of gray until you meet your soulmate, Barnaby has his literally fall into his arms.

Rating: M

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 2891

 Of Tigers and Bunnies Series

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: MarchWindsAprilShowers

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1332236

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated 2019/6/25

Works: 7

Home Sweet Home Summary: Barnaby wasn’t sure exactly what it was that made his partner’s home feel like...home. At least, he feels more at home there than anywhere else, including his own apartment.

The Group’s Couple Summary: Every large friend group has at least one honorary couple and this one is pretty annoying. (A short and completed drabble series of how the other heroes deal and interact with TaiBani.)

Already Perfect Summary: If there’s one thing Barnaby actively avoids in interviews, it's the subject of children in his future besides Kaede.

Fried Rice and Promise Summary: In which Barnaby decides to return the favor and kick down Kotetsu's door unannounced with some fried rice to cheer up the old man.

My Hero! Summary: Okay, alright. Social media has even pointed it out at this point. Barnaby will admit it. // He can be a little protective of Kotetsu. // Maybe even unreasonably.

For the Last Time, Go to Bed! Summary: Keith is sick with a cold and keeps bothering Ivan who is currently making him some soup.

Betrayed by the Heart Monitor Summary: Barnaby is injured on the job and is in the hospital. Kotetsu is with him and refuses to go home. It's 1AM, so that's the perfect time for confessions (obviously)!

Rating G - T

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 7424

The Prophecy

Fandom: BBC Merlin

Author: VikingSong 

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10463682/1

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated 2019/6/22

Chapters: 79/?

Summary: Uther learns Arthur is the Once-and-Future-King of prophecy and declares him a traitor, forcing him to flee with Merlin. The catch? Arthur has no idea who Emrys is and no desire to fulfill the prophecy. Reveal!fic. T for action sequences/some deaths; no slash, no smut, no language. Cover art by AlexandarCho on deviantART (used with permission).

Rating: T

Different Tagging System so not marked for whole work, but Author is vigilant to point out moments of violence that will be coming up in the chapter.

Words: 110584

The Only One

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: Rinienne

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7085107/chapters/16103044

Status: Complete

Chapters: 8/8

Summary: There was nothing funny about a NEXT ability which made some people lose their minds to lust, especially while it had such deadly consequences. Others were not affected by it the same way, but what was the difference between the two groups was a question yet unanswered.

Rating: E

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Warnings

Words: 46668

Zero to Hero

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: ryrybread

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19323073/chapters/45963673

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated 2019/6/24

Chapters: 2/?

Summary: Midoriya Izuku has had a hard time getting through life as long as he could remember. Not only was he quirkless, but he was born in the wrong body, gender-wise. // If it wasn't for his childhood friend standing up for him, he wouldn't even been here, let alone being face to face with his ultimate role model, All Might. // Follow Izuku through his high school experience, dealing with feelings, villains, and transitioning to become the boy he always was meant to me.

Rating: T

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 2057

Something To Look Forward To

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: jooniebears14

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19206946/chapters/45661945

Status: OnGoing

Last Update Approx 2019/6/25

Chapters: 2/?

Summary: After leaving his horrible middle school Izuku Midoriya starts fresh at a new one. Making plenty of friends and experiences along the way, everything was perfect until… // “Izuku were getting married” // “ Oh that’s great I’m so happy for you guys” // “ Yeah and were moving back to Musutafu” // “Wait what”

Rating: T+

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Words: 3293

Zero: the World’s Best Hero Duo

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: Toboe1087

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18548689/chapters/43963657

Summary: There was a next to zero percent chance that it would happen. That two infants would meet each other in the park and have a soulmate connection. That they would grow up together and change the world forever. But that's the thing, the chances were next to zero, but not quite zero.

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated Approx 2019/6/25

Chapters: 24/?

Rating: G

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 40125

Three’s a Crowd

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: ScatteredSounds

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15960185/chapters/37223450

Summary: Izuku wasn't sure if he was ready to find his soulmate, then he found two. He swears upon All Might's abs that he is not ready to handle this shit. Todoroki has had a rough past and finds it difficult to show emotion. Bakugou only know how to show 50 shades of anger. And Izuku is just so happy to have both of them in his life he doesn't really know what to do with himself.

Status: OnGoing

Last Update Approx 20169/6/17

Chapters: 13/?

Rating: E

Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings

Words: 43949

A Suitable Nickname

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: Fujiwara_no_Seimei

https://archiveofourown.org/works/216812

Status: Complete

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: Kotetsu and Barnaby have been living together for years with Kaede, and now a teenager, she's pushing her boundries. Barnaby learns what his real role is in this dysfunctional family.

Rating: T+

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 797

Win Some, Lose Some Series

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: Lirillith

https://archiveofourown.org/series/12623

Status: Incomplete

Last Update 2012/2/13

Works: 3

Win Some, Lose Some Summary: Barnaby visits Kotetsu in the hospital after the final confrontation.

Better Late Than Never Summary: Set during the episode 25 timeskip. Kotetsu and Barnaby get their chance to talk before Kotetsu leaves Stern Bild.

Keep Your Chin Up Summary: Barnaby navigates Christmas solo.

Rating: G-T

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 7096

Potential Happy Endings for Tiger & Bunny

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: wickedorin

https://archiveofourown.org/works/308846/chapters/494248

Status: Complete

Chapters: 5/5

Summary: While I was waiting for the final episode, I had a little fun writing the possible endings that were in my head. Many spoilers, but not really for the final episode.

Rating: M

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death

Words: 5326

Seasons Will Change

Fandom: Tiger & Bunny

Author: Tru

https://archiveofourown.org/works/253126

Status: Complete

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: A "what if?" post episode 24.

Rating: T

Warnings: Major Character Death

Words: 1807

Me in You, You in Me

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Author: fromstarlighttodust

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19338721

Status: Complete

Chapters: 1/1

Summary: When an experiment goes wrong, Levi and Eren end up in swapped bodies. Unfortunately, existing as each other until they can figure out how to reverse it turns out to be more difficult than they had anticipated. Ultimately, it leads to a journey of hard truths, mutual discovery and a greater understanding of one another--not to mention an appreciation for being themselves.

Rating: M

Warnings: Underage

Words: 9732

Hero Name

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: miarinnes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19364635/chapters/46072966

Status: OnGoing

Last Updated 2016/6/26

Chapters:1/?

Summary: Bakugou Katsuki was visited by a "ghost" girl named Katsumi. The bubbly 5-year-old instantly got immuned by Katsuki's angry outbursts and a wide range of curses. Who was this girl, this -- Katsumi who had curly blonde hair, round ruby eyes, and freckles across her cheeks? Bakugou does not seem to care until she had talked about her Papa that reminded her of spring and the color green.

Rating: M

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 3957

I’m Only Yours (Forever and Ever)

Fandom: Attack On Titan

Author:Siamesepolyporegoat

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15778020/chapters/36707862

Status: Complete

Series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1164533

Incomplete

Last Update 209/6/20

Chapters: 26/26

Summary: Eren was the second son. He was supposed to be free to love and marry whoever he wanted. So why was he being sent to marry some stranger?

Rating: M

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage

Words: 67781

On the Shoulder of a Giant

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Author: Written By:  Emamel 

Read By: Opalsong

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2791343

Status: Complete

Chapters: 11/11

Summary: The Scouting Legion receives word of a rogue titan in the battle of Trost. // They didn't know what to expect - it certainly wasn't Jaeger.

Rating: M

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Podfic- 0 words read

Savior

Fandom: Hero Academia

Author: jaegerackereri

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18077612/chapters/42727589

Status: OnGoing

Last Update 2019/6/29

Chapters: 6/?

Summary: When Izuku's brother Kota becomes gravely ill, the only person that is able to save him is the cruel Dragon King Katsuki Bakugou, but how far is Izuku willing to go to save his brother...

Rating: M

Warnings: Author Chose Not Use Warnings, Rape/Non-Con

Words: 10232

[ghost-btch]

He Could Be The One~ 5 Seconds Of Summer

(Chapter One: Phoenix)

Prologue was posted right before this on my blog. I would link it but I'm scared it won't show up in the tags if I do.

Rating: literally for everyone lol

Warning: none besides the fact there may be grammatical errors, oops lol

Word Count: 1.6k

Author's note: You can read this also on wattpad, @/raineyC4. I may update quicker on there then here so go check it out on there aswell. This is my first Tumblr Fanfic so this is quite exciting, though I've been making stories on wattpad since 2016. Anyways enjoy the story!!

*******************************************

3rd Person P.O.V

   The blue-eyed blonde singer stood right off stage. Her show would start in a few minutes. She was incredibly nervous, like always. She's done this for years but the anxiety is always there. But as clique as it sounds, every time she steps on stage that feeling fades away. She shook herself and prepared to walk on. Then before she knew it, it was her que to walk on.

The big screen on the back "wall" was flashing in black and white, then red "Phoenix". It glitching as it did so to the beat of the song.

That song was ...Ready For It? by Taylor Swift. Phoenix only had about 10 songs of her own out so she did a lot of covers.

"Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him..." Phoenix began to sing trying not to smile to create an effect.

As she sang she danced around the "T" shaped stage to the song. It seemed be choreographed but really she just made them up as she went. She was a true performer.

She wore a black body suite much like Taylor Swift wore during her preformce of the song. But it had more of shorts at the bottom. And it had a few red sparkles. Her hair was slightly curled and she wore crimson red lipstick. Her reddish boots went up to her knees.

When the song came to an end the next song, I Did Something Bad, started to play.

Phoenix loved to preform this song more then even her own songs. She had managed to learn Taylor Swift's original choreography to the song from watching the AMAs preformce over and over again. It was a dramatic performance and Phoenix loved it for that exact reason.

When she finished she was at the very end if the "T" stage in the middle. She laughed and smiled like an idiot looking over the crowd. And starring back at her where around what seemed a thousand people.

"Oh my God! I can't- I can't believe this is my life! Y'all have no idea how much I've dreamed and wished for the chance to do this. I love each and every one of y'all for being here. Whether you wanted to, weather you were bored and went to the nearest concert just because, or you were dragged here by someone else. Just thank you and I hope you guys like the show so far! You seem to be, but are you?" the crowd screamed, "Okay I'm gonna take that as a yes. Anyways she next song's called 'Don't Blame Me' and oh I'm Phoenix!" Phoenix said into the mic.

****

When the song finished she was back in the place she started. A trap "door" under her lowered her to under the stage. There she had to quickly change into the next costume while the ending music of "Don't Blame Me" played to the crowd.

While this happened a red piano was rolled out onto the stage. Phoenix walked out wearing a red sequined top with a red skirt that went to her knees.

She sat down on the little bench and started to play a few keys, "So this I wrote a while back when I was in middle school. I had this friend who I'd geek out with. Eventually I realized I liked him. After awhile I couldn't take it anymore and told him in a note that I practically threw at him out of nerves," she laughed at this, "Then after about a week he gave me a small piece of paper that read 'sorry I just want to be friends'. I was devastated of course, but I just hoped nothing would change. Oh how I was wrong. He never spoke to me again. Here's a song I wrote about a year later."

She proceeded to sing a song called "Let Things Go". It was written so long ago, and she was definitely, definitely, over the kid. But she every time she sang it she felt as if it was a new scar. 'Guess scars don't really ever go away?' She thought one day.

As soon as it finished she started to play another Taylor song, The Moment I Knew.

It of course started on the piano, but when it came to the chorus she stood up. And after the chorus she walked around the stage almost acting out the lyrics.

During the bridge Phoenix looked out into the crowd almost crying as the lyrics said it too.

As it finished ahead gave a soft smile. Just two years ago in her 20th birthday this song became so real for her. She wasn't quite over this scar yet.

She walked back to the piano and when she walked out from behind it she was no longer wearing the skirt, but now a pair of black shorts.

She then jumped up onto the piano and sat on it, her legs dangling off. The music of We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together started to play.

She began singing while still sitting until the "What?" part and acted out the song the rest of the song. Phoenix always had the most fun singing this song, it never got old. And by the end she was sat back on the piano.

"Liked that little costume changed?" Phoenix laughed as the crowd cheered.

She hoped off the piano, "So I was wondering if it was okay for me to do a little something different now? I won't be able to run around though, so there's a negative. But I really think you're gonna lie the positive! Just give me a second, I'll be right back."

She scampered off stage and when she walked back on she held a red guitar in her hands. She walked up to the microphone stand in the middle of the stage right before it extended out.

"So uhh, surprise!" Phoenix said into the mic smiling.

"So how about I play my guitar here for a few songs? I'll take that as a yes. So this first one is an old one. It's from an old Disney show called Hannah Montana. It was definitely my favorite TV show and this was one if my favorite songs. Never thought that eventually I'd laugh at a few lyrics because of someone. No I'm not saying who, though most of y'all probably already know. Anyways hears a song called 'He Could Be The One'!"

"Smooth talkin', so rockin'

He's got everything that a girl's wantin'

Guitar cutie, he plays it groovy

And I can't keep myself from doin' somethin' stupid..." she sang smiling at a few certain lyrics.

The girl completely jammed out to the song like there was no tomorrow. Running around in that one area when she wasn't singing. Yep definitely a performer.

"Well that was fun!" Phoenix laughed.

"Well I think it's time for one where I know y'all will have fun aswell." She said as she started to play "She's Kinda Hot" by 5 Seconds of Summer.

"Surprise!" She said right before singing.

But there was one thing that the girl had yet to find out. It was that, that very band stood only a few yards ahead of her.

The boys were just all hanging out in L.A. with nothing to do. Ashton suggest that they should just go to the nearest concert because why not? So they did. Now they stood towards the back kinda freaking out because someone was singing there song.

Then at the end of the song the music faded into "Babylon", another favorite of the blue-eyed singer.

The girl had so much fun playing this song and the audience loved it. Even the people who didn't know the original singers they still acted as if they did.

****

Phoenix changed into ripped back pants and a while shirt to sing the next few songs, all if which being her's.

Falling For You- a song revealed to be about fictional/celebrity crushes

Me- a song about her excepting who she really is

My Story- a song about her childhood and teenage years

We Don't Care About Anyone Else- a song she wrote about her friends and her, and the fact that they know they're weird but totally okay with that

After adding a leather jacket to the mix she also sang a song by Bea Miller called "We're Taking Over".

****

The last part of the concert was all the songs Phoenix felt was the funniest to sing/dance to.

Blank Space- making sure to point her tattoo of "Darling I'm A Nightmare, Dressed Like A Daydream" during that part.

New Romantics

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Then it came to almost a close:

"Well I'm sorry to say but this is the last song of the night. Thanks to all of you, you've made this a night to remember. And I hope that I was able to make you as happy as you've made me! This last song was my first single I put out. I've always been so proud of it and promised to sing it every show. It's about how my life was back in school, to what I'd hope my life would be, and now it really is. Oh and enjoy the original music video playing on the screen!" Phoenix smiled.

Phoenix danced around and sang like her life depended on it. She never wanted it to end. But unfortunately it did. When she finished she said "Thank you" once more and then ran around the perimeter of the stage to touch as may people's hands as she could. She did a bow and then waved with the biggest smile and went off stage.

~~~~

As the show came to a close the 5SOS boys decided to see if they could surprise the girl they just watch perform. But they had to figure out how to get back stage.

"We don't need another last time something like this happened." One said referring to a certain person.

"Hey!" was Ashton's response.

....

Tag list: @rip-lukes-balsamic @euphoric-swift //just comment if you'd like to be on my tag list//

A/N: try to guess who the person Phoenix likes hehe lol

[tsukihoshi14]

Hi new fan here! I have seen there is a new book about hanyu yuzuru that has came out. How many books are there about him? What are the difference between them and What's your recommendations? I'm planning to buy them on amazon so i wanted your opinion. Hope it's not too much to ask for. I love your blog 💖

Hi there, yes there’s been a boom of Yuzu-related books and contents recently so I totally understand that it can be confusing. 

[alert: everything below this line is purely my opinion and can be biased]

He has 3 autobiographies so far: Aoi Hono 1 (2012), Aoi Hono 2 (2016) and「夢を生きる」(’Living the Dream’) (2018) which was just out yesterday (I think this one also counts as autobiography). A sport journalist wrote a biography of Yuzu called ‘Yuzuru’s Method’. All four of them come with pretty photos of Yuzuru. @yuzusorbet made an amazing post with introduction and snippets of Aoi Hono 1, Aoi Hono 2, Yuzuru’s Method here, I found it very helpful when I was a new fan too. 

I’ve finished the two Aoi Hono books, I have a copy of Yuzuru’s Method but haven’t finished it. imo, the structure of these 3 books are kinda the same, but Aoi Hono-s provide more details (2 books vs 1) and they are mostly Yuzuru’s answers and perception of how things happened in his life in a chronological order, while Yuzuru’s Method focuses more on the concept of ‘What made Yuzuru become a champion?’ and the journalist puts an emphasis on how he evolved each season (each chapter is about one of his senior season). Personally, I also like the two Aoi Hono the best out of all Yuzu books not only because they tell the story of Yuzuru’s life and his thoughts in great details but also because the royalties are donated to Ice Rink Sendai where he trained for so many years.

[update: for those who don’t understand Japanese, nonchan translated Aoi Hono 1 and you can ask her for it if you have the book, I’m translating Aoi Hono 2 so it’ll be ready some time soon, you can have it if you have a copy of the book.]

I haven’t had a chance to read「夢を生きる」yet, but I’ve seen several reviews about it from Japanese fans.  It covers 2015-2018 with interviews from Ice Jewels and interviews done specifically for this book. I’m quite sad that it doesn’t mention Pyeongchang at all (probably too close to printing date), but I heard that there are pretty photos in the book (they even have photos of him wearing hakama in there, the blue one from 2015 :>). I’m definitely gonna get myself a copy of it this month. 

Yuzuru also published a Quote collection book and a Photobook under his name a while ago. @kaerb has been translating some of the quotes from the former book (quote + context) so you can take a look here.

Yuzuru has been mentioned in quite a few books, I don’t think I know all of them. But a lot of fans buy Team Brian 1 (2014) & Team Brian 2 (2017). I don’t have them yet so I’m not sure about how the books really are. But they definitely emphasize on Team Brian, Brian’s relationship with Yuna, Yuzu, Javi more than just Yuzu, so that’s something to keep in mind. The reception of the first book is very good, but doesn’t seem to be the case for the second one. Again, I haven’t read them so I can’t confirm how good/bad they are, but I do plan to get at least the first one and see.

If you also want to read more on Japanese figure skating and Yuzuru’s role in it, then there are two books that were just released a few months ago. One is called「日本フィギュアスケート 金メダルへの挑戦」(The Road to Olympic Gold) (2018), written by Noriko Shirota, mentions how Japanese figure skating evolved from Midori Ito, Arakawa, Mao,…. to Yuzuru. I don’t know much about this one but the reviews seem good. The other one is「羽生結弦は助走をしない」(2017). This is written on the same topic, with the emphasis on Yuzuru and takes other skaters in his generation into consideration more than the first one. Also, this is written by a figure skating enthusiast and strives to explain figure skating itself and why these skaters are great to those who are not fans or not familiar with skating. I’ve only started reading this recently, but I really like the casual voice of this author and how the book approaches skating quite logically and easy to understand. On the other hand, this one doesn’t come with any photos, it’s all plain text with a pretty Seimei-styled cover, just in case you’re wondering.

Several people have asked me about this recently-released book called 英語で読む羽生結弦 (Reading about Hanyu Yuzuru in English) (2018). This is a bi-lingual English-Japanese biography of Yuzuru. I was very excited about this book at first. I only got the chance to take a brief look at it at the bookstore, but my impression was that it’s kinda similar to Aoi Hono, like a shortened version, with explanations of figure skating terms and also a list of his achievements. Friends and Japanese fans reviewed that the English translation was not really good and the book explained some of the skating terms incorrectly, so I wouldn’t really recommend this book tbh.

Ahhh, it’s become a long answer again :))) I hope I didn’t miss any good books. If I did or if others recommend to add some more good titles, I will edit the original post. I’m aware that Yuzu did a lot of interviews on Ice Jewels and mooks (don’t know if you’re interested in them or not) but I don’t have any knowledge on magazine-related or mook-related contents so I can’t really recommend anything :”>

FYI: Since you ask about buying books, I’m assuming that you’re quite comfortable reading Japanese texts. But even if you don’t, it’s still a good opportunity to practice. I never had enough motivation to read books in Japanese until I started with Aoi Hono tbh XD So if anyone wants to challenge yourself reading this and is curious how hard the text is, you can DM me and I’ll send you a scan of the first 2-3 pages so you can estimate before buying. I have 4 books so far and the scale of difficulty for me is:

羽生結弦は助走をしない 

Anw, have fun and enjoy reading :D Just ask if you have any other questions :>

[plume8now]

I'll ask... them all! or alternatively 1, 8, 12, 13, 25 :'D

1 - Is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

Yes, that One Piece AU in the BnHA universe, because I’m scared to never finish it, since I’m already struggling with my other fanfics to update ;-; I think I’d need a collab for that one tbh it’s too big for me

8 - Favorite genre to write?

I guess Student AU, so comedie/humor/drama? I mean my first big fic (56 chapters) was with this theme and I enjoyed writing stupid stuff in it so much :D

12 - Your weaknesses as an author?

Battles, surgery operations and anything related to medicine especially. I’m so bad at this. I try to avoid it but I know that’s what I’ll have to work on if I want to improve. 

Also, I write something, I post it and take forever to update then. That’s bad. But it’s either that or I don’t post at all ahah *glances at all those fics in my file*

13 - Your strengths as an author?

I don’t know if that’s a strength but I can easily just put one pun or joke even in a tragic moment because I’m an awful person :’D Honestly the reason why I write is for jokes.

I like to think also that since I hate “ooc-ness”, I wouldn’t kill a character’s ‘character’ to get to a ship or something like that. Always try my best to remain in character no matter what.

25 - Copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

DAMNIT you make me look through my fics how dare you. 

Subscription to Death: [LawLu] (2018)

“I’m Death.”“And I’m Immortal.”“You’re basically perpetual life. That makes sense you can’t go there.”“That’s discrimination.”

Until You Learn to Love Yourself: [Langst] (2017)

There was a crushing weight on his chest. On his heart. It kept pushing more and more every day. It kept hurting him deep inside, and the day after was always worse the previous one.No one noticed it.And he was good with that. He was okay with that, because there was an entire galaxy to take care of. There were entire planets needing Voltron to free and save them, to lead to independence and to the end of the Galra Empire.His little, tiny human anxiety wasn’t important.

I Don’t Need Your Opinion: [ZoSan] (2016)

“No need to know you, mate. You certainly see yourself as a gentleman… but from what you said? You’ve only depicted aesthetics, romantic stuff nobody cares about, superficial stuff. Basically, you’re not loving your girlfriend for who she is, but what she looks like.” “The fuck makes you believe this?!” “Do you even know her?” “Are you kidding me?” “You didn’t talk about her personality or feelings, not even once. You just said ‘I’ all along, on a genuine ‘me, myself and I’ novel.”

Correspondances: [Destiel & Sabriel] - French fic (2014-2016)

“If I pee, am I going to be sober again?”Balthazar stated from who knew where:“Nooooooo, alcohol’s going in your blood!”Charlie didn’t give up so easily.“Yeah but what if I have my periods?”

Ok but I’m not ashamed of this moment ok I wrote this chapter (31!) with a hangover 2 years ago and it’s so ridiculous but hilarious

Thank you for your asks and thank you for not asking to all 25 of them - though I would have accepted this challenge xD 

From this post!

[EDIT] I forgot this adorable OS I wrote about the Maze Runner, unfortunately still in French - damn that time when I was writing in my mother tongue seems so far away.

Tire, Tommy (tr: Shoot, Tommy) (2015)

He was dead and he always had been. All of it had only been a question of time, of years, of months, of weeks, of days, of hours, of minutes and of seconds.

[f-imaginings]

Didn’t think I’d have to do this but I’ve got people coming to me left and right over this nonsense, conveying threats to have my work reported and pulled down blah blah blah, so let me summarize my case publicly and let you all make up your own minds. 

I’ll start by saying truthfully that I’ve never read TNP. I don’t generally read fics with non-con in them bc of bad past experiences, but from reading the prologue when researching what i supposedly plagiarized the writing seemed really good and enjoyable, with interesting themes and references. I’m sure its a lovely fic and people who enjoy it should as it stands on its own merits. 

I also haven’t plagarised anything. There is a lot of he said she said happening over that so I’ll just present the facts I have and let people make up their own minds. So far there’s just been one side of the story very loudly being told. I’ll say my piece here and people can make up their own minds. 

So I’ve never read their story. I’ve been getting some nasty harrassment though claiming I plagarised it to write my own story, which is Knowing Me, Knowing You on ao3. It’s a Billford fic, and it’s inspired by abba lyrics, Gravity Falls the series, and Journal Number 3. 

Two days ago I got this anonymous comment on my fanfic. 

This anonymous poster spammed the comments in the fic in many chapters, and also felt the need to tell everyone who regularly comments on my fic by replying to their comment how shitty my writing is and that it’s plagarising this other fic I’ve never read. 

The link to the full comments thread is here if people want to read and do their own sleuthing. 

The comments rather spitefully tell me how my writing is terrible, how I’m scum, how unoriginal I am ect. I’ll let you all read it and make up your own minds about whether this is fair to say or not. 

I then decided to go speak to the author of this fic i had supposedly plagarised, because I thought it was a misunderstanding, or that a follower of theirs who was very zealous had took it upon themselves to go rogue and harass other writers who (these are the similarities as far as they’ve been explained to me) write Billford, and have written about a human Bill helping Stanford with the portal. 

Here is my conversation with the author of TNP, screenshotted, so you can read that and make up your own mind about it too. 

It was quite startling for me to have been spoken to like this when I went amicably to a fellow writer hoping to solve a situation that was groundless and unnecessary. I was called a liar, and passive aggressive for having approached the author directly with the situation seeking a resolution. 

In an ideal world I would like an apology for this behavior, but I won’t hold my breath, I’m just here to state my case and clear my name. 

This is my fanfiction. It’s 163243 words long as of it’s last update. I started writing it on the last day of January 2017, and since then it has inspired me boundlessly. I get a lot of joy out of writing it, which is clear to see when you look at how quickly I’ve been churning out these words in this small space of time. Three months have gone by and I’m on 18 chapters and it’s been wonderful to write, I’ve had some lovely reviews from folks, and these have been the first negative reviews I have seen for it. 

I asked people who have read both of the works, my own and TNP, what the similarities were that led the author to believe I had plagarised. 

What I heard as feedback was:

Similarities

Both Billford pairing fanfics

Both involving human Bill

To do with building the portal

Differences: 

Storyline

Plot

Character design. My human Bill is black. He’s black, with gold eyes, yellow hair, and gold binding tattoos sewn into his skin. I’ve been told their Bill is italian??? Not sure where the similarities are there. 

Dynamic between Bill and Ford (TNP apparently has Bill and Ford sharing the nicknames darling and kitten. Rest assured, through the entirety of my 160,000 word fanfic not once do my Bill or Ford ever call each other anything even remotely resembling ‘darling’ or ‘kitten’ they are more likely to call each other a pain in the ass in my fic) 

World building

Characters (mine contains plenty of Fiddleford, Wendy’s mum, who I have called Willow Oakwood bc a lumberjack falls in love with her, Lazy Susan, Keyhole and Amorphous Shape, the paradox buddies, Pyronica and Kryptos on the front lines, Argos Panoptes, Raha Diniero ect) 

Sexual content (TNP contains rape and sexual harassment, my work is a slow burn of epic proportions, they only kissed for the first time in my last chapter, and Bill is averse to being touched by Stanford at first. My work also is entirely consensual as I can’t write non-con due to personal experiences)

Key events (my story involves events such as hunting down the gobblewonker with a harpoon, nearly being devoured by the island head monster, going on a double date with lazy suzan and wendy’s mum and raising the undead, giving birth to the summerween trickster, stealing treasure from Quentin Trembley’s grave, a heist at the Cryptix Noire Warping Black Market’s, and Fiddleford’s wife Patricia telling baby Tate to stop crying) 

Writing style (My writing is more light hearted, I make lots of jokes because I want to enjoy my own story. I’m told TNP is more serious)

Direction (I do not know where TNP is going, having never read it, but I know my story is going to follow along with canon up to the betrayal, after it, following Ford through the portal, and back out for Weirdmageddon) 

Having completed four years of university studying English literature, I’m very aware of how serious plagiarism is, and how seriously allegations of plagiarism need to be taken. If someone’s poured their effort into creating a work, they deserve to be credited for that work, and if a work was created in reference to something else it’s respectful to cite your references. So here are the works I have referenced in order to create this fic. 

- Hirsch, A, 2016, Journal 3; Gravity Falls, Disney Press, LA. - Gravity Falls, complete series, 2016, DVD, Disney XD, created by Hirsch, A, et al. - Abba’s complete back catalogue. 

I’ve also referenced several Wikipedia pages; the page on black markets, on hyperpyrexia, on Leonardo Da Vinci, on stethoscopes, on Argos Panoptes in Greek Mythology, and the page listing the different planets and races in the entire Star Trek series. I’ve relied on the Gravity Falls wikia to help me maintain accuracy with character names, places, details about the Shack and so on. 

I haven’t referenced, nor have I read The Ninth Paradigm. I would have tentatively liked to from reading the synopsis, but I have decided I won’t be reading it any time soon following the conversation I had with the author of the fanfic, which has soured me somewhat from consuming their content.

I work full time, 38 hour work weeks, and run a second job on the side. Something I don’t have time for is drama. I’m quite frankly surprised I even have the time to dedicate to writing this fanfic of mine, but I do, because I love Gravity Falls, I am excited about the story I’m writing, I get to laugh at my own jokes when I’m writing, I get to entertain myself, and in posting this here, hopefully entertain others.

I’m not writing this to impress anyone with my prose or build this fic into anything more than it is, it’s just a bit of fun set to Abba lyrics, inspired by Dipper in the shower singing Disco Girl aka Dancing Queen.

If I were a younger writer, or if I were less confident in myself, this kind of harassment, both in the comments here on ao3, and the conversation I had with the author of TNP when I looked to resolve the situation, would have been incredibly damaging. If I were a younger writer, being harassed, I would find the fandom uninviting, toxic, incredibly discouraging and unhealthy.

Billford as a pairing has a small enough fandom as is, looking through the tag on tumblr, there are anti-shippers adding to that environment of harassment. Adding to that environment of harassment within the fandom can only be damaging. I believe fandoms should encourage writers and content producers, that fandom should be a community where you support one another, and the base content you all enjoyed that brought you all together.

Gravity Falls fans are smart. They followed a quirky, clever, coded show from start to finish and loved every bit of it. I’m presenting the above information here so that you can all make your own minds up about this issue. I think that’s fair.

That’s all I have to say about this issue.

[arethesefanfics-blog]

Fic Recs : The Almighty Johnsons

Author Recommendations: Elenhin Aramirandme81

(These two authors were the best I’ve found so far. When I was into The Almighty Johnsons, they had this thing going on where they were still gifting fics after wonderful fics at each other. They don’t post anymore on this fandom however, last gifting being 2014 and the final update for one of Elenhin’s work in 2016. But their fanfics are still amazing please please check them out! If you love Anders as much as I do, they’re the authors to go to.)

St. Nicholas’ Day

When their parents are fighting, Mike is the one who has to take care of his three younger brothers. He has to calm them down and distract them, so that they would forget about it as soon as possible. Since it's almost Christmas, Mike has a special idea how to deal with it.

(Quite simply written - but it’s sweet. One of very few fanfics I’ve read which has all of them in good terms with one another.)  

Overload

Anders didn't even realize how little he was eating because of how much he was working. It's not like he was starving himself...Right?

(One of many angsty headcanons based on Anders, my poor baby. More on the discovery of one of Ander’s many problems rather than the recovery, but it’s a good one-shot. Gives you a lot to think about when it comes to him)

The Real Anders Johnson series

Summary of Part 1 of The Real Anders Johnson :

Dawn is about to have an emotional breakdown about J:PR being near collapse and all Anders has to say is "relax" at first.

(If you’ve always believed that there is more to Anders Johnson, this is the series to go to. Only 3 parts to it, but we get to see the sweet side of our lovable Anders. Really nice fics~ short and sweet.)

Decaf Coffee 

Here is a short for Elenhin after getting the correct answer on a chapter I posted! Here's the prompt:

Say somewhere in the time frame first season, and Anders is sick, not the whole almost death sick, and not the pathetic ' I'm a man with a cold so I'm dying ' thing, but still pretty damn sick so the others actually do have to take care of him.

Preferably some sort of weird/I don't care if it helps, I feel rediciolus/are you insane? kind of home remedy tried by someone.

(Anders suffers from Epilepsy. Is that... is that angst?! You may ask. Yes, yes it is.)

These Bruises (Makes for Better Conversation)

A late night call from the police station isn't anything unfamiliar to Mike, if anything it's a blast from the past. He knows how to deal with this, has had plenty of practice with his other brother in years gone by - but instead of seeing Axl’s lanky form leaning against the wall like he had been expecting— there’s a teenager with tufty blonde hair that’s frowning at him in confusion. The kid looks haggard and exhausted, but so familiar, and he’s dressed in an oversized suit.

Mike feels all the air leave his lungs as he stares at the boy, feeling a sick feeling begin to manifest deep in his stomach. Because this just isn’t possible, but yet somehow there’s that grin on the teenager’s face, and there’s no way that it can be anyone but—

“Anders?”

(It’s a De-Aged!Anders fic! Angst, angst and more angst! Pretty good but the ending is kinda up for interpretations.) 

 With a Satisfied Mind

A heated argument. Anger, accusations and bitter resentment. A second of inattention.

Suddenly the Johnsons find themselves in a world without their brother Anders and have to cope with the loss. And Anders finds himself trapped and is forced to watch his brothers grieve while trying to find out why he can’t move on.

(Anders dies and the rest of the Gods and Godesses suffers. MUAHAHAHA. Okay <coughs> anyway, this is a pretty interesting story. It’s basically how the Johnson family finally got over their angst and drama after Anders dies and ends up a ghost.) 

Young Hercules Crossover

Bonded Bridges series

Summary of Part 1 of Bonded Bridges :

Anders didn't have friends. Well, he didn't have friends that he didn't want to sleep with or pay. It was just a fact of life. A sad one but true. He just wasn't the type of guy who went out to the pub with a mate and talked about shit with a drink in his hand. "Hercules. Son of Zeus. You can call me Henry. I'm a friend of his."

(Basically this is a story of Anders having a friend - the very reincarnation of the son of Zeus, Hercules. It’s one of my fav fics really, Anders finally having a true friend. It’s a good series!) 

Being Human Crossover

Anders Johnson / John Mitchell:

The Storyteller

Anders Johnson has lived a life of lies and stories. Mitchell can be trusted with the truth, but Anders doesn't seem to see it. 

(A teeny bit angsty, but it’s a pretty sweet One-Shot nonetheless.) 

Sleepy Feeding

Mitchell climbs into bed after a long night of working at the hospital, finding Anders not as deep asleep as he thought he would be.

(Warning: Blood Drinking, but it’s consensual and kinda sweet! One-Shot.)

A Day in a Life of Anders and Mitchell 

From their first meeting, Anders knew he had to have Mitchell in his life. Through the chaos that is his family and the tortures that follow Mitchell, Anders wanted to hold on to him as tightly as he could.

Crossover stories from The Almighty Johnsons/Being Human 100 prompts challenge.

(Okay this! This my friends is pretty fking cute! One of my favourites yaas! A good dose of fluff, sweetness, angst, pain and all dem wonderful ingredients to a wonderful story!  It’s currently Ongoing; last update being August 2016)

My Church Offers No Absolution

Anders Johnson, despite being a god, doesn't believe in prayer all that much. His prayers have never been answered, so why should he put so much faith in them? But he does, and he always regrets it. After all, hope gives him nothing but pain.

Meetings by the cliffs with a vampire named Mitchell turn into something of a weekly ritual. And when everything goes wrong, his vampire is there to offer a way out...

(I really like the ending for this one cause Anders finally gives the “Fuck You” to his assholes of a family that he has always deserved. Though a part of me wishes they suffered more... hmm.)

Temper With The Stars

He doesn’t even know his name. He knows he’s beautiful, that he laughs easily and he smokes too many cigarettes and he’s from a town in Ireland with nothing but green grass. He knows he doesn’t mind the cold, that he hardly ever reads, and he’s partial to coffee served black.

One day he’ll ask, but by the time spring rolls around and the locks begin to fill again, he’s gone.

(This fic is insanely long but it sucks you in. I swear. I spent an hour straight reading this and I skimmed through some of the paragraphs - cause I was trying to remember my past review on this one. The pacing is good, the characterizations are wonderful - I really love Ty in this one and the concept incredibly interesting. If you’re looking for a slightly long read, this is the one.)

The God of Poetry and the God of Death series

Summary of Part 1 : 

Mitchell has already faced death once before. He came through on the other side, undead but relatively whole. But Death comes for all of us, in a rather permanent fashion. Unless, of course, you can strike a deal with it, or rather, its emissary...

Anders Johnson is in love with John Mitchell. Simple as that. But one night on the town with his boyfriend, his brother, and his brother's pregnant wife gone wrong threatens to destroy his happiness forever...

An offer is given. A choice must be made.

Will there be a tomorrow for them?

(The title is already pretty much self-explanatory no? The series is pretty good, interesting and there’s one part where Anders finally stands up for himself and Ty actively supports him! Dayuum that smackdown was beautiful.)

The Monster he called His

After a long week of being threatened and attacked by some of Mitchell's not-so-god-friendly brothers and sisters, Mitchell finally managed to fight them off by killing them all. When he returns to his god, he finds Anders worrying, anxiously waiting for him to claim what's his.

(Smut ~ Smut ~ Smut ~ Smut ~ Smut~ I’mma just put the tags here okay? Pretty much sums it up well enough : Bloodplay, Blood Drinking, Rough Sex, Dirty Talk, Possessive Behavior, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, hurt!Mitchell - Freeform)

Being Human & The Hobbit Crossover

Fish - You bet!

Anders loves his pets: his fish - but as much as he cares for them, he never learns how they behave while he isn't around. Anders' life from the point of view of his fish.

(The dwarves are all fishes in this story!! Very cute One-Shot.)

Could you guys tell I love Anders? TEEHEE 

[nspx]

Tumblr user Nina nspx’s star wars fic rec vol. 2

An anon asked me for an ahsoka/anakin fic rec and i accidentally deleted the ask (i’m dumb!!) BUT because i love ahsoka and i love anakin and i love their relationship and how they helped each other, i’m gonna do a completely separate fic rec for the anon (i hope u see this lmao sorry for deleting the ask). 

but anyway, since the last time i did a rec i had 22 bookmarks on ao3 (i did the last one on october 19th 2015?? how time flies) and now i have like 80+, i decided to do much more than just an anakin/ahsoka rec, but a general star wars fic res

DISCLAIMER: none of these fics feature anakin/ahsoka in a sexual relationship because i am Not About That BUT they do feature other pairings. anyhow. 

These are fics u need to read. need to. sorry, i don’t make the rules. this is gonna be so long. i’m sorry (not)

AHSOKA/ANAKIN

A River Flowing by Barkour

A shadow has left the force, but other threats remain as Padmé and Anakin prepare for the birth of their child.

Part 2 of Peachy

The only issue i have with this fic is that it hasn’t been updated in forever. It’s so good tho!! i’m pretty sure i read this one at least four times. anakin doesn’t go evil (which is something the anon asked for!! here u go) but not everything is perfect - duh, it is a star wars fic, we don’t know what happiness is here - and AHSOKA IS SO WELL WRITTEN!! so good. it also dives into life after the jedi, being a civilian, being dirt-poor and living on coruscant and ALSO!! padme/ahsoka is well developed in this. so good. so great. 10/10 must read

Assassination Attempt No. 23 by pieandsouffle

Tatooine's only senator (or, indeed, one of the only people from that desert planet who is capable of reading and writing, or actually understands what the word 'politics' means), Anakin Skywalker, seems to be one of those rare individuals who attract bounty hunters like flies zero in on a bantha corpse.

The senator!anakin au. what more do u need in life? shenanigans ensue

Old Shadows by Sildae for Windona

Ahsoka asks Anakin about his past after the events on Kadavo and Zygerria.

My babies. My poor heart. 

Obi-Wan and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad (Life) Day by wreckageofstars

It's Obi-Wan Kenobi's life day, but good luck telling the galaxy that.

Anakin and Ahsoka are little shits. obi wan and padme are drinking buddies?? sign me the fuck up. the end

hold on to me, 'cause i'm a little unsteady (ws!obi-wan au) by QueenWithABeeThrone

the one where Obi-wan falls off a ship and gets the Winter Soldier treatment, Anakin doesn't fall to the Dark Side but still loses his limbs, Ahsoka can fly with a one-of-a-kind wing-pack, and Padmé gives birth to twins and a Rebellion.

TBH. SO GOOD. ANAKIN AND AHSOKA ARE AWESOME IN THIS. ALSO IN THIS SERIES BY THE SAME AUTHOR:

angels choking on their haloes QueenWithABeeThrone

Anakin hadn’t been lying, when he said he could never kill Obi-wan like he was being asked to, no matter what Obi-wan’s become.

or: Mustafar, in reverse.

Part 1 of hold on to me, 'cause i'm a little unsteady (ws!obi-wan au)

GO READ THIS. it’s unfinished (hasn’t been updated since early 2016, i weep) BUT. still worth a read. really worth it. the second part of this verse ends on the nastiest, most delicious cliffhanger. I WEEP

and hey, a honorary mention, since i haven’t actually read this fic but it was in my ao3 history 

Perturbations by the_dragongirl

Anakin makes a different choice, the day Ahsoka leaves the Jedi Order. His actions will determine which of the many possible points of balance in the Force will become the new equilibrium

Part 1 of A Shift in Equilibrium

this has a lot of kudos so?? what the hell. give it a read and tell me what you think

this is it for the anakin/ahsoka part of the rec

OTHER

Fundamental Force Carriers by tanarill

The Sith Lord Darth Vader lived his life. He probably didn't live it well, but he lived it as well as he knew how. At the end there, he'd even managed to woman up and kill Sidious. But he was dying, and at peace with the past.

The past wasn't at peace with him.

Part 1 of Probability Matrices

honestly, this fic is just SU CH a delight. it’s well written, it’s got some real cool science facts for your everyday nerd needs BUT IT’S ALSO THE CRACKIEST CRACKFIC TO EVER CRACK. like. vader dies and goes back in time and he’s got 0 fucks to give about the jedi’s opinion?? he’s here to make things right whether the jedi like it or not??? such a funny, amazing fic. 12/10 on this. nice. 

Echoes of Mortis by wreckageofstars

Post-Mortis Arc AU. In a universe where the Father failed to take away Anakin's vision of the future, the Hero With No Fear struggles with the knowledge of what he will become and the knowledge of who, exactly, is responsible. Drastic steps are taken and in the process things go a little bit...sideways.

tbh. so good. also a post-mortic fic (i’m a hoe for mortis). i won’t say too much about this one because i don’t want to spoil anything. i was on the edge of my seat while reading this fic AT ALL TIMES. AT ALL TIMES. I HAD TO READ THE LAST CHAPTER BEFORE READING ON TO MAKE SURE ANAKIN WOULDN’T GO ALL EVIL. i was so pleasantly surprised. it’s just so - poetic. anakin really does a lot of growing in this, i think. brilliant fic 

those immortal dead by notbecauseofvictories

I care more for that long age which I shall never see than for the little of Time that I hold

Padmé Amidala is forgotten, not gone.

This is a five times padme amidala’s legacy lived on, basically. it’s got poe in it as well!! and rey, my daughter. what more do you need from a fic? so well written, so poignant, so beautiful

Palpatine Ad Portas by izzythehutt

When the Emperor Palpatine moves the Empire Day Celebration to Naboo, Darth Vader is forced to confront a past he had thought better buried and forgotten. Admiral Piett becomes the reluctant confidante of the monarch, caught in the middle of a deadly Sith cat-and-mouse mind game. Meanwhile, the young Rebel who blew up the Death Star returns to his mother's home world to pay his respects on the anniversary of her death--unaware of his father and the Emperor's presence on the planet and the very grave danger he is in.

Part 2 of In Loco Pirates-Verse

fucked me up really bad, tbh. vader goes to naboo. luke is there. it’s brilliant, but so painful. read at your own risk (but do read it)

Hello From the Other Side by DarthNickels

Kylo Ren is destined to take up the mantle of Vader. The Force can be incredibly literal.

MY FAVOURITE IMPERIAL OFFICER PIETT IS IN THIS!!! and he hates kylo so much, he thinks he’s such a pale imitation of vader, he’s so disgusted by him. i live for it. 10/10

The Sith Who Brought Life Day by ophelia_interrupted for Binder-lover

An Imperial officer loses a bet and has to get Darth Vader a present for Life Day.

i feel like this is such a star wars fic classic that everyone’s already read ages ago except me. the style on this feels really like. (don’t judge me if i’m way off on this lmao) catcher in the rye. reminds me old american classics. that type of feel. it’s so good!!

Into the Archives by skygawker

After hearing the legend of Darth Plagueis the Wise from Palpatine, Anakin decides that his best chance to save Padme is to break into the restricted Holocron Vault of the Temple Archives to search for information about Plagueis. Predictably, all does not go according to plan. Revenge of the Sith AU.

My tiny son anakin is such a mess in this. and you can tell this is au because anakin and obi wan actually talk about anakin’s feelings?? what?? what are those?? anyway. so good. it hasn’t been updated since feb 2016 but like?? my fics havent been since july 2015. figures

for a hundred miles through the desert by wreckageofstars

[“There's no water, on Tatooine,” Luke said finally. “I mean, no large bodies of water, like you have on other planets. Pools, lakes. Oceans.”

“Well, yeah,” Han said, eyebrow raised at the sudden change of subject, tone still sharper than he meant for it to be. “Place is a dustball. So?”

The kid still wouldn't look at him.

“So,” he said, face carefully blank, like it so often was these days, “I never learned how to swim.”]

Han has a hard time coming to terms with Luke's fall to the dark side during Dark Empire; so does Luke. 

This is some serious EU shit, but it’s pretty good on its own as an AU scenario. I LOVE the meta on this. love

and rise, rise in the desert sand by hollytrees

Padmé and Anakin keep in touch after TPM.

(Or, the author has started writing Fialleril's Pen Pals AU, possibly because they hate themselves.)

THIS ONE IS SO PAINFUL AND HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL!! it’s got one chapter but it’s so worth it

Never Heed by dogmatix, norcumi

The Sith Emperor is dead.

A clone visits one more pyre in his long life.

Part 4 of Ghosts of 66

This is Rex coming to Vader’s pyre. fuck mE UP. like HONESTLY. THERE’S ONE BIT IN THIS THAT MAKES ME WANNA CURL UP AND CRY EVERY TIME. actually two bits. three bits. the whole damn story. anyhow

Mercy is the Mighties' Jewel by akathecentimetre for TheCrackedKatana

They've chased each other all over the world - yet somehow, they will always end up here. Modern-day spy!AU with illustration by JakartaInn.

The Obi-wan and Ventress spy au of your dreams. what more do i need to say?

TFA FIC

to lie with your soul in the grave by plinys

Poe casts a glance at the door, he can see their mothers through the semi-transparent glass, it’s too quiet to hear them talk, but he knows whatever it is it can’t be good. The kid sitting next to him seems to have the same idea.

“So, who talks first?” Poe says, breaking the silence between them.

Tbh.. don’t judge but when tfa came out i liked kylo (i’m more.. conflicted about him now) and i read a lot of kylo fic in that time period. i was never a reylo, so i read a lot of other kylo fic, which was mostly either kyhux or kylo/poe WHICH THIS FIC IS ABOUT. THEY KNEW EACH OTHER GROWING UP. THEY WERE IN LOVE. all i remember from this fic is that it’s so well written. give it a read if you’re into this sort of thing

I read like three more kylo/poe fics that are also very good, so. anyway. here goes

saying that I love him but I know I'm gonna leave him byselenedaydreams

“This could be us one day.” Poe whispers half to himself as he finally turns towards Ben, finding a curious expression on his face. “This could be us.” He repeats, this time with more excitement. “You and me. Pilot and copilot. Traveling the universe together.”

Poe has never seen Ben smile at him the way he’s smiling now but Ben’s reaching for his hand and lacing their fingers together so it must be good. “Together.”

Lost To Me by red0aktree

Poe met Ben Solo when he was too young to even know what it meant to meet someone.

Poe met Kylo Ren years later.

Separating the prince of the First Order from the boy he grew up with proves more difficult than the pilot could ever imagine.

Melting Away by SF2187

Before he was Kylo Ren, he was in love with the best pilot in the Republic.

what i like about these fics is that (from what i remember) they don’t erase the fact that kylo is a raging asshole now. nice

excavate me (from all the girls I've tried to be) by Shadows_of_a_Dream

“Rise, Skywalker.”

“I told you,” Rey hisses through gritted teeth. “He’s gone.” Like everyone else. Like all the girls I’ve tried to be. Like all the girls I might have yet become, because I’m going to die alone on this unknown sea.

The mask returns his lightsaber to his belt. And like a crashing wave, like a renewed flame, like the weight of a planet falling squarely upon her shoulders, the mask looks at her and says, “I was talking to you.”

Part 1 of I never asked to tread the skies (but if I shall, I suppose I'll fly)

This one is so... intense. so intense. and so good. 20/10

need somewhere to begin by doubtthestars

Anthology of the War

1//The first time she officially meets Poe, she divulges secrets that aren't hers to tell. 2// If he had been born in any other family, Ben Solo would have been a soldier. 3// When she sees Rey, Leia only has a brief moment to reflect on all of their wrongs.

Read. That is all.

Trial by nymja

Kylo Ren kneels in the snow before her.

“Do it,” he demands.

Rey breathes in through her nose. Her hands are shaking. Her blade starts to burn the skin of his exposed neck. Do it for Han.

--

Luke takes Rey to face The Cave.

Part 4 of Do or Do Not

So cool.

Lessons Learned by nymja

“You’re never going to get anywhere if you don’t learn patience, first.”

“I’m the strongest knight here!”

The Jedi looks around the room, eyeing the skull of his grandfather with pointed distaste. “Yes, well. Good work.”

Part 1 of The Sad Grandpa Trilogy

Forceghost!obi-wan is so disappointed in kylo. it’s great. READ THE WHOLE SERIES BECAUSE IT’S GOLD!! it’s so good!! the next one is about rey and forceghost!anakin in the desert and that fic is so interesting because in it, anakin isn’t really as much of a grandfather figure as he is a friend figure and one of his corporeal forms is a warning to rey. like a mirror in the force (to her, to ren, it’s so brilliant). honestly i could talk forever about the next fic in this series because anakin is SO WELL WRITTEN. SO WELL WRITTEN. 

THE CLASSICS

tbh @fialleril​‘s Double Agent Vader verse gets the biggest shoutout (love u fia you’re my inspiration) for sheer amazingness. i won’t list any of the fics in the verse because u need to read all of them. yes, all of them. get to it

ACTUALLY. you should read all of fia’s work. all of it. (on the offchance that fia actually reads this, i can’t wait for anabasis i am so pumped)

ALSO!! another must read is @phil-the-stone‘s pocket full of sand 'verse. it’s such an Iconic piece of star wars fanfiction!! like bye, everyone needs to read this

ALSO another one of hers because?? why not. nursery ‘verse!!! i’m so heart eyes over nursery verse. i’m forever flattered because some of my headcanons are in this!! best thing i’ve ever done. (phil writes mostly b99 and ouat now, but still check it out, her writing is so good)

other fandom must-read authors include:

1000-alshain

actual-leia-organa

threadsketchy

star-vault-ofthe-heavens

darthnickels

cadesama

ygrittebardots

@anghraine

@izzythehutt

FF.NET MUST READ AUTHORS ARE: 

Mathematica 

irnan (all of their work, i’m not kidding, writer goals)

frodogenic (they wrote darth vader’s limplet and other hilarious fics, honestly, star wars humor at its finest)

motchi 

a bunch of others, though you might find more in my previous rec 

Now. Since we’ve come to the end of this ridiculously long rec, it’s time for me to shamelessly plug my own blog. you can find more tumblr fic in my tag here, you can find my writing here and on ao3 *whispers* leave me a comment, you can find my bookmarks here (and find fics i did not include that are also very good)

have fun reading!!

[bythealone-forthealone]

Fanfiction: A Big Fat World Of Inconsiderate People And Bad Clichés

I have an opinion and I want to say it. Final words on the subject. I started writing fanfiction in 2016, I don't remember how I got into it, I guess I just read a story from a blog and thought: 'This is actually pretty cool.' People seriously wrote and others responded to it. So I got an idea; I liked a character that gets killed in the book/movie and I couldn't deal with that, so what if I changed it? That was my little start and my goal: give him a new life and change his ending. So I wrote chapter one and posted. One person helped me to promote and then forgot about it when I kept posting the next chapters. I admit it: it wasn't "professional" writing. I was the biggest amateur out there who pretended to be great at it. But I liked it, so I kept going. I must mention that English is my second language so it was HARD and it still is... you have no idea how hard. But I believed in my story, so I kept writing. Until I saw things weren't going so good. My baby fic was lost in the sea of bigger, older fics and wasn't getting any review, good or bad. I wanted to know what people thought, naturally. So I started talking to people who shared my interest. I told them I was writing too, but I never asked them if they wanted to read it *GET THE HINT* We were following each other so there was no way they didn't see it. I did read their work (they never asked either) and I knew they were excellent, not only they mastered the language, their stories were entertaining AND people let them know so. I mean, literally, they got asks and comments of how A-mazing they were. That's when a second thought hit me: Why am I not getting any of that? Am I doing something wrong? Clearly I was. And everything went down the hill from that point on. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Fuuuuuuck. What the fuck? That is the question still unanswered: WHY THE FUCK NOT? I mean, it wasn't THAT BAD. My plot made sense and had several interesting ingredients to make it likable. Maybe I didn't use the right words and it sounded odd, but it's not like I put my text on Google Translator and let the thing do the job, no, I actually wrote and translated myself. It was easier for me instead of writing the whole thing in English. I guess everyone do it their own way. I got angry. Period. I got super angry because they were ignoring me, that was obvious. It wasn't a coincidence that they saw all my other posts but not especifically those chapters I shared. So after getting angry I also got jealous. They weren't inventing anything, they borrowed every single thing they wrote about, AS WE ALL DO. But people praised them, put them in pedestals for writing stuff that in the end wasn't so special. Yeah, they're still good writers and their stories are massive hits, so what? More people is joining the party with new stories, but God forbid they get readers, nobody will top THEIR story that nobody should ever think on "steal." So I deleted my story. Nobody would miss it, so, what was the point on keep updating? I was tired and suffering. Enough of pitting myself, I was being ridiculous. But I couldn't get the story out of my head. I really liked it. And it wasn't its fault that my terrible reaction made it stop. Sooo... I tried it again. I was getting better at my writing so I improved a few parts and changed others completely. After months, nothing happened. It didn't work for me the way it worked for others, I guess I lack the "spark" of great fanfiction writers. So i'm officially quitting but before I do so, I want to say what I learned from it. 1) "WRITE FOR YOURSELF" THAT'S BULLSHIT. Don't believe it. Don't feel bad for wanting recognition on your writing. If you write for yourself, then those texts should be in your diary with a lock or safe in your laptop and not on the internet. That is not an excuse for not having readers, you're doing art and you share it expecting to get something: words of encouragement, people who support you or promote you, even haters, ANYTHING! 2) IN ORDER TO KNOW IF PEOPLE LIKES YOUR WRITING, THEY HAVE TO TELL YOU. And 'telling' includes more than "Please post more," "I can't wait for more," "Nice," or any other type of word. 'Silent Readers' you can all go fuck yourselves. 'Cause if the situation was the other way around, you damn right would be feeling the same as me, alone and discouraged. If I wanted a silent reader, I would read it myself. So they can read a 12,000 word chapter but they can't say what they think in 1 sentence? Thank you very much, you made my all my effort worth it. Oh, and by the way, since I don't know somebody likes it, I think nobody likes it, therefore I'll stop posting; so if you did like it, it's not only my loss, it's also yours. STOP THINKING THAT GIVING A LIKE MAKES EVERYTHING OKAY. IT'S NOT OKAY. THOSE LIKES AREN'T COMPLIMENTING, THEY MEAN NOTHING TO THE STORY. LET'S EXCHANGE IDEAS. NOTHING IN MY STORY MAKES YOU CURIOUS? THERE'S NOTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT? EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS 'PERFECT'? MY WRITING STYLE IS THE SAME AS 'X' AUTHOR? It take two minutes or less to tell that writer what you think, to give your words purpose. You will help that person more than you can imagine, it's a good action, and a good action is always rewarded. Please remember that. 2.2) ASKING READERS THEIR OPINIONS AND STILL GETTING NONE HURTS. IT'S NOT A DEMAND (AT LEAST I THINK IT SHOULDN'T BE) WE JUST WANT TO CONNECT WITH YOU, IS THAT A CRIME? WE CAN'T OBBLIGUE YOU, BUT YOU ONLY HAVE TO DO IT ONCE IN THE STORY (OR PER CHAPTER). 3) FANDOMS ARE THE WORST. I got little to none support from the people who allegedly liked the same as me. Don't expect users in the circle get your back. Everyone's out there for themselves. You can be lucky and they're actually good, or you can get yourself into a group of bitches competing for who's best (RE: NO ONE is the best). I relied on them and that was a mistake. Some people aren't willing to give a little of what they also want and get. That's what pisses me off the most: I wasn't expecting everyone to read me and like, just the ones in the fandom; but they weren't even kind enough to tell me they hated what I wrote. 4) FANFICTION SITES ARE THE SECOND WORST. They have all this material and so much inequality. They just give the options 'favorite,' 'follow,' 'kudos,' etc, and that isn't constructive. It doesn't make a story better than another having countless likes. Not everyone thinks the same, but you're telling people what to think according to those scores. And if we're all doing it for the sake of art, why having those options anyway? Those buttons are there for our ego, they're not indicators nor judges of good writing. People work hard for this. People read five, ten, twenty times looking for typos and deliver a flawless text. People try, they have a life and obligations, and they still try to be constant and share from a place of love, and you do nothing to help us, it's like everything's the same for you. 5) YOU WRITE, YOU GET FEEDBACK. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. 6) I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST 'SMUT,' BUT WHEN IT'S USED TO GET READERS, THAT'S LOW. NO MATTER HOW GREAT AND GRAPHIC THE SCENE IS. 7) I KNOW MORE PEOPLE IS IN A SIMILAR SITUATION AS MINE, WONDERING WHY THEY DON'T GET ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. TO THOSE I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT YOU CAN EITHER KEEP TRYING, HOPING TO GET LUCKY (APPARENTLY GETTING LUCKY IS THE KEY FOR SUCCESS IN THIS BUSINESS) OR STOP SHARING YOUR TALENT AND IDEAS IN PLACES WHERE PEOPLE DOESN'T APPRECIATE YOU PROPERLY. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT. WE ALL DO.