#the second half after the bulleted stuff is just me theorizing

[dersitedreamr]

wait can you explain why vriska was going to fight Jack bc I don’t think I fully understood her

Yeah no problem !!

Because she created him.

To protect/save her friends.

To absolve herself of her past wrong doings.

What’s interesting to me is when Vriska says, “It only makes sense that I would be the one to create him, Since I am also going to be the one to kill him,” as this was never in the cards for pre or post retcon Vriska.

Take a moment and put yourself in Vriska’s shoes. She knows Jack is going to fuck up everything, I think atp John is being told by Karkat that Jack is going to fuck up everything. It would be so much smarter and cheat mode to NOT make Jack even more powerful than he already is. Now imagine being the person who aids in creating him, essentially fucking up everything, all because Paradox Space knows it is in your nature to do such reckless, and self-important things. It’s definitely fucking agitating and I think her trying to make sense of it was by basically theorizing the reason she did it in the first place was because she genuinely could defeat him.

So maybe she’s thinking this is a set up created by past her to: prove her strength (that she CAN kill and not feel horrible, like what happened after Tavros) and prove to herself and her friends that she is good (that she can kill and be strong by killing BAD GUYS only). However, she has yet to reach a level of self-awareness where she realizes this is actually just a problem caused by her hubris. Also, I am pulling about 30% of this character analysis out of my ass, so it’s up to you whether you find any merit in this paragraph.

[lacquerware]

Cy Girls is a PlayStation 2 game

Some say it’s the most mediocre fragments of pop culture that end up defining each era, because they’re little more than amalgams of the flavors of the day, while the best works draw from some greater vision and seem to be immune to time. I don’t think it’s quite that simple. True, there are games like Shadow of the Colossus, whicheven in 2005 felt like it was stuck on the wrong hardware and stands out now as a timeless classic. But then you’ve got Super Mario Bros. 3, which is quintessentially NES despite being one of the NES library’s best-aged titles. So I guess it’s more case-by-case.

In the case of Cy Girls, you may find yourself having a hardcore flashback or two to the age of frosty tips, Fatboy Slim, and Matrix sequels, because CG is pure early 2000s chaff. I can’t think of another game that so shamelessly mashes together so many momentary fads. Bullet time? Check. Cover shooting? Check, and it’s awful. Wall running? Stylish kill screens? “Cyber” aesthetic? CHEX MIX. Plus it’s forged out of the table scraps of Metal Gear Solid 2, so the entire game looks like someone doing a comedic impression of the PS2.

↑ Wall-running was one of the more bizarre fads of the PS2 era, featured in games like Shinobi, Devil May Cry 2, Ninja Gaiden (on the Xbox), Bujingai, and Prince of Persia: Sands of Time.

Cy Girls isn’t a good game—the environments are boring, it feels crummy in your hands, the mission objectives are a crash course in how not to design mission objectives—but it exemplifies the ubiquity of the third-person character action genre and the freedom developers had to experiment during the PS2 era. It’s astounding now to fathom a time when something like CG could survive past the earliest phase of conception, let alone make it to market. It has one good idea (more on that later), lacks even basic competency in several areas, and yet is also so big that it spans two discs. It’s both bad and big. Double-disc titles had almost gone extinct thanks to the PS2’s DVD tech, but somehow Konami deemed Cy Girls, agame that is nothing but formulaic tropes, the one which warranted breaking form. I can only theorize that Cy Girls’ co-creator, the toy megacorp Takara, was donating heavily to the cause.

↑ A Cool Girl I found on Google.

To the game’s credit, the best thing about Cy Girls is its main conceit: a virtual, one-for-one cyberspace replica of the real world called “Cy-D.” Both protagonists have a rare gene that lets them “dive” into Cy-D without the typical need for a virtual avatar; they can simply upload their brains or something. They do this via enormous 1940s-style computer terminals scattered throughout the game. A slick FMV commences, and they emerge in a world of neon wireframes and particle effects and malevolent abstract objects. 

It’s a pretty brazen invocation of Tron,and that’s just fine by me. It is inherently enjoyable to occupy Cy-D with its gentle mood lighting and soothing lounge soundtrack. You’re also much more powerful in Cy-D than in the real world, thanks to a long list of “Skills” found over the course of the game. You input these via different sequences of face buttons, an interface I think meant to evoke the feeling of entering and executing a string of code. Simple as it is, it works pretty well, and really helps set the Cy-D activities apart from the banal horseshit of the real world. The Skills themselves range from hollow gatekeeping mechanics (“use this Skill to flick the switch that only exists to give this Skill a purpose!”) to cool core abilities, like a soaring high jump, a flashy dash move, and a stockable projectile attack. You also innately have the ability to bust a tatsumaki-senpûkyakuand a few other martial arts moves. 

Mostly, though, Cy-D time is spent “downloading” readable files, eavesdropping on avatars, and solving puzzles. You can only stay in Cy-D for ten minutes or you go crazy and die, so occasionally it turns into a race to find the right file or hack the right switch and dive out before the clock runs out. These were by far the most exhilarating moments of Cy Girls (especially one occasion where I escaped with literally one second to spare). It’s a cheap thrill, but overall I found the Cy-D stuff very charming and wished they would’ve sent me there more.

Unfortunately you spend much more time in the physical world, which is rarely any fun. While Cy-D offered fantastic light shows and clear, urgent tasks in confined but densely populated spaces, the physical-world stages are sprawling labyrinths of drab, box-shaped rooms filled with drab boxes. Mission objectives are often vague, the map only sometimes gives you an objective waypoint, and puzzles are often nonsensical, unreasonably laborious, or both. There are no good block-pushing puzzles in gaming, but Cy Girls contains the uncontestable worst block-pushing puzzle in history. Even trying to explain why it’s so bad would be too tedious to bother, but I’ll just say it took multiple hours to even set it up, and another half-hour to execute even after looking up the solution in a FAQ.

Each of the two discs in Cy Girls is a separate campaign starring a different Cy Girl—there’s Ice, the gunslinger, and Aska, a katana-swinging ninja. I played the Aska campaign, which often felt like it was taking notes from Tenchu—you have a comically huge inventory of ninja tools, including a shamelessly similar grappling hook and several functionally redundant projectiles, but unlike Tenchu the game basically never challenges you enough to encourage any thoughtful strategy or discernment. Aska can perform cinematic insta-kills simply by jumping before an attack or by attacking when close to a group of two or more enemies, so she can get through almost any encounter by charging straight in. It’s like playingTenchuif you could stealth kill without being stealthy. That could make for some fun power-fantasy escapism were the mission objectives not so elusive or the enemies infinitely respawning. Even Aska’s more spectacular kills get really old after you’ve aimlessly scoured the entire map a third time.

At some point you take a step back and realize that the bulk of Cy Girlsis just an indiscriminate list of features from other PS2-era games. Its back-of-box text should read, “It sure is a PS2 game!”—even on the GameCube version. Instead, it says “Fight terrorism from deep caves to outer space.” Fine.

Anyway, it’s hard to recommend anyone subject themselves to Cy Girls, but there’s a timestamped charm to it I can’t seem to deny. What it lacks in entertainment value it makes up for as a conversation piece, and that earns it a permanent place on my shelf.

Weirdly, a bit of post-credits text confirms there was a sequel in the works by the name "Beyond the 8th Dimension," which was also the subtitle of '80s cult flick Buckaroo Banzai. I must know more.

[catharticboredom]

#tlou2 spoilers

Okay so this will be like the first time I talk about explicit tlou2 spoilers, so be warned. I will type them up under the cut, but again, spoiler warning. basically it will consist of me re-writing the story to make it less shitty.

I was just theorizing how tlou2′s story could be better by not changing too too many elements from it. For example, I think I would keep Abby being directly affected by joel’s actions in the firefly hospital, and maybe joel dying. However, instead I would have him die at the end of the game, and Abby also die at the end of the game. I will elaborate more below. 

So what if we started playing off as Abby AND Ellie. So at first, we play as Abby, but it is actually set around the time of the end of the first game (eg around the time of the firefly hospital incident). She calls herself “A” or smth so players still think she is Ellie’s mom like they have been speculating since she was first revealed (and Ellie’s mom = Anna, so it adds to the their theories). However, we also play as Ellie at the same time (by that I mean we can get 2 chapters as Abby, then 1 chapter as Elli or smth), BUT, for Ellie, her timeline takes place during “present day” (ie with Dina and everyone. HOWEVER, the player does not realize that there are 2 different timelines UNTIL the midpoint of the game, where we have built up to the death of Abby’s father and friends at the hands of Joel. And BEFORE this reveal, in Ellie’s part, amidst all of the Seraphite cult shit, there has been this stranger that doesn’t seem to be part of the cult, yet still has it out for Joel and Ellie and their friends (i haven’t thought too much about how this would be achieved yet, but maybe Joel gets shot by someone, and the bullet used does not match the standard guns the Seraphites use or some shit, idk). 

Thus, the second half of the game has us just play as Ellie, realising that the stranger that was after them was actually Abby, out of revenge for Joel killing her friends and father. Maybe now does ellie confront Joel about the firefly hospital incident, as things have always been tense between them since then, and does Joel finally confirm Ellie’s suspicions that there were never any other immune ppl like her. Idk what would happen in the middle, but stuff happens, and eventually, in a final confrontation, Abby manages to capture Joel and Ellie. Ellie pleads to Abby to let Joel go, but Abby kills him. Consumed with rage, Ellie fights and almost kills Abby, before she realises the whole cycle of revenge shit, and stops herself (maybe Dina helps to snap her out of it or smth, like how, in the leaked cutscenes Lev does w/ Abby). The final scene is Ellie with Dina and the baby or some shit by Joel’s grave, and Abby and Lev and Yara go do something else idk. (side note: from the leaks, I assume that Yara is one of the ppl Ellie kills after Joel dies in the leaked tlou2 story, since it is just Lev and Abby at the end of the leaked story, and I have not seen any mentions of Yara yet).

These were just a series of random musings that ended up hopefully somewhat cohesive. I just thought it would be a lot more interesting if Abby were painted in a sympathetic light first, and THEN she ends up being the “villain”, but it sucks b/c we saw the pain she went through (and we saw how nice her dad and friends were before Joel killed them, etc). 

Idk i just hate the actual story we got and think it could be so much better and not just for shock value.

[diarrheaworldstarhiphop]

At 7:36 p.m. Tuesday, Rachel Maddow tweeted, “BREAKING: We've got Trump tax returns. Tonight, 9pm ET. MSNBC. (Seriously),” sending the internet into a frenzy of theorizing. Did Maddow have Donald Trump’s tax returns or just one of the Trumps’ tax returns? Could this be it, the tax return that would bring down the Donald? If this was it, why wasn't MSNBC cutting into its programming, instead of running a countdown clock to Maddow’s show? By 8:24, Maddow was tweeting that the tax return in question was Donald Trump’s 1040 from 2005. By 8:30, still half an hour before Maddow started airing, the White House had responded to the MSNBC report, saying that Trump had paid $38 million on income of $150 million that year. An hour later, about 20 minutes after The Rachel Maddow Show started, Maddow would confirm these numbers, turning her big scoop about Donald Trump’s long-missing tax returns into a cautionary tale about overhype. Rachel Maddow, you played yourself—and us too.

“It’s been a little bit of a hullabaloo around here this evening, I apologize for being flustered,” Maddow said at the top of the hour, before confirming that her show had copies of Donald Trump’s federal tax returns, obtained by the reporter David Cay Johnston, to share with her audience. “In just a second we’re going to show you exactly what it is we’ve got,” she said, before launching, instead, into a 20-minute monologue. Maddow seemed uncharacteristically nervous as she wended her way though what could kindly be described as context and which I am unkindly describing as word salad, a long meander that was difficult to follow even without the distracting promise of a revelatory tax return at its end.

The monologue started contextually enough, with a long-winded skewering of Trump’s refusal to share his tax returns that touched on Richard Nixon, the Clintons, and his unaudited tax forms, before veering off conspiratorially. “Whether or not you are a supporter of Donald Trump,” Maddow said, “It ought to give you pause that his explanations [for not releasing his tax returns] have never made any factual sense. … When you get an excuse from them that doesn't make sense, you have to look for another reason. What’s the real explanation? Well, choose your own adventure.” She then launched into a long hypothetical about a particular Russian oligarch’s possible relationship to Trump that touched on Florida real estate, Deutsche Bank, and Preet Bharara that Trump’s tax returns—though not, as it would turn out, the ones she actually had—could conceivably clear up.

The longer Maddow went on, ever deeper into a conspiratorial thicket, the clearer it became that whatever tax returns Maddow had, they weren’t as juicy as the ones she was talking about. If she had anything that damning, she would have shared them from the start. TV is a ratings game, but an entire episode about highly damaging tax returns is just as likely to get you great ratings as milking the possibility that you have highly damaging tax returns and less likely to get you compared to Geraldo. Maddow even went so far as to hold the tax returns back until after the first commercial break, as if we were watching an episode of The Bachelor and not a matter of national importance—because we weren’t, in fact, watching a matter of national importance, just a cable news show trying to set a ratings record.

After the first break—at which point the tax returns were already available on the internet and glossed by the Daily Beast—Maddow was joined by Johnston, and she began by asking him how he knew Trump hadn’t sent the returns himself. Johnston said that he could have. A few hours after Maddow finished airing, this has become a popular conspiracy theory, simply because, if Donald Trump were to share any of his tax returns, the 2005 1040 seems like a good candidate. Trump paid taxes at a rate of around 4 percent, but because of the alternate minimum tax, he also paid an additional $31 million. The form revealed that, rather than not paying taxes and making no money, Trump paid $38 million on $150 million in income. Maddow promised to pull a sordid revelation out of a hat and instead plucked out … Trump’s credibility? Maddow was soon parsing, asking Johnston to explain that Trump is currently trying to do away with the AMT, which, unfair as it may be, still wouldn’t change the amount he paid in 2005.

As the show went on, it became clear that Maddow knew she didn't quite have the scoop that had been promised. “What would we have to see, what would we hope to get in mail,” she asked Johnston, “if we were going to get to the real meat of Donald Trump’s foreign ties?”—i.e., what would be more meaningful than the tax form that we have? Speaking to Chris Hayes and Johnston, she said, “The story here to me is, a) we have obtained this [tax form], b) that this stuff is obtainable.” “BREAKING: Trump’s tax returns theoretically obtainable. Tonight, 9 p.m. ET. MSNBC. (Seriously)” does make for a less rousing tweet.

Trump’s tax returns, whatever information they happen to contain, constitute a major scoop. Maddow’s social media team ensured the highest possible ratings for that scoop. But if ever a story should have been delivered in a stentorian, fuddy-duddy, nonpartisan manner, this was it. In positioning it as a grand revelation, a vital step in comprehending Trump’s corruption, MSNBC created an exceedingly cynical spectacle. By playing into the network’s loyal liberal audience’s fantasy that there exists a Trump silver bullet, it instead delivered Trump a positive news cycle—the guy pays taxes! Who knew!—amidst the debacle of the American Health Care Act, along with more evidence that the media is aligned against him. The lesson? Don’t tell us you have news, just tell us the news.

>Even SLATE, /SLATE!!!/ is reporting on how Rachel Maddow Blew Herself the fgffffuck out

She essentially drew the biggest MSNBC watching, partisan liberals out to see how Trump doesn’t pay his taxes, only to find that he does, and what’s more, he paid $38 MILLION in taxes!

Imagine that, being a democrat partisan and coming out to have your bias confirmed only to have it blown up in your face

I am beside myself in laughter

MEDIA E D I A

[connosaurusrex-blog]

To Love a Fred v.2

The following report is on voice files recovered from the body of a man found in the outskirts of the now abandoned Star Shell City. As per military protocol, any officer that finds documents in routine infected containment sweeps are to make a full report on what is found. This report was made by Lieutenant Harper Jackson, head of containment efforts on the western front.

Report 117584-3733

Recording 1

I don’t know where I am or who I am. I woke up the other day in a dark room without any hint of why I was there or how I got there. All I had with me was the clothes I was wearing, a revolver, and 12 bullets I found in my pocket. Why I would have either of those is beyond me. After I got my bearings, I discovered I’m in a house. The place is completely abandoned and looks pretty run down. But that’s not the weird part. I tried to leave the house and when I stepped foot outside I ran right back inside. The world I saw was in shambles, most of the buildings I saw were in ruins. It’s like something out of a nightmare. It made me feel pretty lucky to wake up in such a sturdy house.

From looking about in the kitchen, I think I may have to brave the outside. There’s not much food in this house, even for one person. Which I have figured out that it’s not mine. I had some feeling for a while that it was, but I found a picture of the family who did live in this house and the man looks nothing like what I see in the mirror. He has rich brown hair, brilliant eyes, and a clean-shaven face. My hair is long and mostly grey, I have a wild beard that’s just as grey, and my eyes look like those of an almost dead man. It’s kind of sad, really. I thought I found a decent clue, but it’s nothing.

I found this recorder in one of the rooms and a few batteries to keep it alive. There’s no previous recordings on it, unfortunately. Oh well, I’ll use it to help keep my mind as organized as I can.

Recording 2

It’s been a while since my last entry. Time feels so strange. Hours feel like days and days feel like weeks. It doesn’t help that all of the clocks have stopped working, at least the ones I’ve found, anyway. I finally braved the outside and made it to the local supermarket, which actually isn’t all that far from my base. It’s about four or five blocks away. I got in there and found what nonperishables I could. Thank God for peanut butter. It was so strange walking through the supermarket all by myself. Ever since I’ve woken up in this Hell, I haven’t found another person, or any other signs of life, for that matter. There’s nothing, no bugs, no birds, no nothing, even in the supermarket. I can’t believe I’m in a place with no life. The feeling of loneliness is petrifying. I’ve tried to cope using the picture of the family I found and it makes me feel a little better. It’s kind of like having a family I can’t remember. I’ve decided to give them names, seeing as I don’t know their actual names. The dad is named Roland, the mom is Alice, the boy is Stephen, and I call the girl Harper. I’m their fun Uncle Jack. I think we’re going to be pretty happy together. This is Jack, the happy uncle, signing off.

Recording 3

I found life in this pit! During one of my supply runs to the nearby houses, I found a mouse. I have decided to name him “Fred.” He’s a cute little gray thing and I love him. He took to me instantly, I guess because I’m some other form of life that isn’t foliage. I introduced him to the family and it was a general warm welcome. Roland said Fred was welcome as long as he didn’t get into anything, Alice thought Fred would be a delightful addition to the family, Stephen thought Fred was cool looking, Harper said I was stupid for thinking so highly of Fred. “It’s just a rat,” she said, but what does she know. I’m very excited to have Fred with me.

Recording 4

Dear God…I found another form of life. I was checking a gas station about a mile south of my home when I saw it. The image will never leave my mind. Its basic shape was human, but that’s as far as the similarities go. Its skin was sickly greenish gray and it moved all wrong from how humans move. It also had some weird growth on its head, I couldn’t make out what it was. Before I could completely understand what was happening, it let out the most scary growl I’ve ever heard and started to stumble toward me and Fred. I grabbed Fred and ran as far as I could and ducked into a house and waited for the growling thing to pass. I looked outside a second ago to see if it was gone and it was right outside the house. I almost cried out, but I managed to keep it quiet. I am so happy I’m on the upper floor. It feels like it’s been an eternity since I’ve been in here, why can’t it just go away? Oh God, I had never known such things existed.

I haven’t been able to leave this house, I don’t know how long it’s been or how long I’ll be here. I just want to get home to my family, that’s all I want.

*crying sounds can be heard*

*loud crashing and the sound of something being broken can be heard* Oh God, no! *loud growling* Stay away from me! *gunshot goes off and then the sound of a body hitting the ground followed by loud crying*

I just want to go home…

Recording 5

Been a few days since I last made a recording. I managed to get away from that house and back to mine. I haven’t slept right in days, not since I killed the Growler. I keep hearing them outside, I see them every time I close my eyes. I tried talking to my family, but Roland, Alice, and Stephen have all stopped talking to me. Harper is the only one who says anything and it’s always something mean. *voice changes to sounding more feminine* “That’s because I’m being real with you, unlike the others were.” Shut up, Harper. Anyway, Fred is the only friend I have and I’m so thankful to have him.

*gunshot* Sneak up on me? I don’t think so, Growlers! *voice changes to feminine again* “That was the floor board, you idiot. This house creaks, it’s nothing new. By the way, they’re called ‘zombies.’ You watched dozens of movies about them before.” Harper, you are the single greatest fool in this town. I have no idea what ‘movies’ or ‘zombies’ are, so don’t act like you know anything.

Recording 6

I have to run back to the supermarket and find some medicine stuff. I messed up my left hand. I thought I saw a Growler and punched as hard as I could. Turns out it was my reflection and I punched a mirror. I am bleeding a lot, like a lot. I’m trying to talk quieter since I’m out in the open. It seems like talking out loud is the only thing keeping me sane.

*door opening and closing* Hmmm…looks like I need aisle 5. Damn, looks like bandages are all gone. Guess saran wrap is going to have to do. *sounds of a package opening and plastic wrap unraveling* Ah! Good as new! Another adventure to the supermarket a complete success, right, Fred?

*loud growling* NO! NO! NO! NO! NOT THEM! PLEASE, GOD, NOT THEM! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE! NO! NO! NO! *loud crying* WHY ME? WHY? WHY? *crying*

I have to make a break for it and get back to my house… *voice changes to a feminine tone* “You won’t make it, you know that, right? You’re four blocks away and the street is filled with zombies. You’d be lucky to get two steps out there. If you hadn’t bled everywhere, we wouldn’t be in this mess, you idiot.” Please, Harper, not now. If you have nothing helpful to say, then shut your damn mouth! Time to make a miracle happen.

Recording 7

I have no idea how I did it, but I made it home without a single scratch! I’m so relieved. I’ve locked every door and window, so I should be safe. I can survive this! We got this, right, Fred? Fred?! Oh no, I’ve lost Fred! Fred? Where are you, Fred? I bet those Growlers have him! Let’s see… I have 1, 2, 3… 10 bullets left. I’m coming, Fred!

*opening and closing of a door* I’ll save you, Fred! *running and panting sounds*

*loud shriek* That Growler has Fred hanging from his mouth! Take my friend, will you? Not today! *gunshot* Fred, are you ok? Fred? Please say something. *feminine tone* “Your ‘friend’ is dead. Half of him is missing, it’s even the top half that’s missing. There is no way he’s even remotely alive. You better get to cover soon. The zombies have heard that gunshot and they’re on their way.” *through sobs* Let them come, Harper. I have to get revenge for Fred. I will kill all of them!

*multiple growls are heard and grow louder as they approach* Come get some, you monsters! *several gunshots go off until the sound of the empty chamber makes its click sound* Oh no, it’s empty!

*growls grow even louder* Wait! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY! I’M-

*crying and screaming can be heard as the sounds of ripping, chewing, and growling are heard*

 Lt. Jackson’s Notes

Throughout these recordings, my team and I noted how paranoid “Jack” was and how Harper was his voice of reason, though he never listened to it. We theorize that he created this persona in order to combat the loneliness anxiety he was suffering from. His Harper persona was the strongest and that’s why it lasted longer than the others. We cannot understand why he chose to ignore the voice of reason, other than it came from the voice of someone he was not fond of, or that it conflicted with his new understanding of the world. The paranoia he felt from meeting the infected humans created additional stress on his already fragile psyche. We are not completely sure how he came to have the initial amnesia. My team has come up with the theory that there were raiders in that area that stumbled upon Roland and roughed him up causing his memory loss.

The recordings are hard to listen to, to say the least. It grew even harder to listen for me because I discovered the man in these recordings, “Jack,” is my father, Roland. The house that he used as his home base was the house I grew up in. 10 years ago, after the initial fungal outbreak, my mother, brother, and I wanted to leave and get to the quarantined area. My father had other plans, he thought the whole thing was a hoax and he was not leaving the house that he worked so hard for. I never saw him again. That was my reasoning for joining the military and why I fought so hard to become the head of containment efforts, I wanted to find him again and save him from anything that could hurt him. But looks like I was a little too late. In the first two recordings, he talks about a picture of a family, that was our family portrait, and he was able to accurately name everyone in that picture, including himself. I suppose he got “Jack” from our last name, “Jackson.”