#the same season Karen said “people say that you can’t. that you shouldn’t

[wheelercurse]

Once you understand Mike’s character arc, there’s no way that you can doubt about byler.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

i saw this reddit post, which was talking about debbie and matty, and for once, i agree with a reddit post/i think what the person said was incredibly interesting, so i’m going to talk about it.

tw: rape

so, if you’re not going to read it, the post basically talks about how what debbie did was wrong, but matty was also a huge creep for having any sort of relationship with debbie anyways, and at the end, it says, “After knowing she was 13, she also texted him nudes, he replied back come over, and she spent the night and they cuddled CREEP he was probably conscious and acted like he was blacked out ok this might be a stretch but still a creep”.

let’s unpack this, because something i’ve never talked about is the nudes. a lot of people argue that matty didn’t want it, yet he said COME OVER after debbie (13) sent him her nudes. and they slept in the same bed (pre-5x03), and he called her sexy and blah blah blah.

however the most intriguing thing in this post to me is “he was probably conscious and acted like he was blacked out ok this might be a stretch but still a creep”. i don’t know how to feel about this, but i think it’s an interesting thought. i mean, debbie thought he was conscious. she said she “didn’t know” and that he was erect, which to her, meant consenting (and i get that him being erect doesn’t really mean shit because he was wasted, but let’s think from the perspective of 13/14, uneducated, virgin debbie gallagher).

also, may i add, by rape laws, they were both raped. another person on reddit also says this. and another good example of this scenario is the karen and frank situation which was relevant in seasons 1 and 2. i wrote about karen and debbie’s similarities here, and i discuss that in it a lot.but anyway, frank got arrested for the rape, despite karen being the one to do it, and despite frank being intoxicated. was frank raped? absolutely. but was karen underage? yup. matty even says this, “you statutory raped yourself!”

it’s just like… no, debbie shouldn’t have done that. yes, she is a rapist (and awknoleges this in 11x11! stop acting like she doesn’t!). and yes, she was wrong, so so wrong. but you can’t act like it makes no sense why she would do that or like she did it on purpose to fuck him over or some shit.

oh wanna know another thing about that situation i find creepy? the fact that he went on to talk to holly and ellie and like, everyone that he knew debbie knew, and told them about it. why was he, a 20 (maybe even a 21) year old, talking to 13/14 year olds and telling them like fucking gossip? it’s just so weird that not only did he lead her on and tell her that if anyone found out about it he could be in serious trouble, but then continued to spread the knowledge. like, he couldn’t tell the police because he could get arrested and get years in prison, so he decides to instead spread the news to a bunch of teenagers? wtf?

[thelonesomequeen]

Regarding the Oscar noms, I have to agree with most people on twitter than Ana shouldn’t have been nominated over Viola or Danielle. Blonde was a terrible film and her performance wouldn’t have been anything special without the hair and makeup department, considering all she does is cry and say “daddy” the whole time. And I’m saying this as an Ana fan. However, I think people are being too hard on Andrea, especially since I’m willing to bet most people who are criticizing her nom haven’t even seen her performance. But on the bright side, I’m soooo glad Hong Chau got nominated! She was amazing in The Whale along with Brendan, and she got snubbed previously for Downsizing. However, I’m kinda shocked that Jamie Lee Curtis got so many award noms this season. She got all 5 of the big ones consistently, when people like Dolly DeLeon got snubbed. As much as I loved Everything Everywhere All at Once, I don’t get what the hype was about her performance. All she did was act as a comedic Karen with hotdog hands. Sure she was kinda funny but it wasn’t really Oscar worthy, and I’m not just saying that cause it wasn’t a super Oscar bait dramatic role. I just think Jamie has had much better performances in the past that she deserved to be nominated for, but I’m glad she finally got her first nom after all these years. I’m just relieved that Stephanie Hsu wasn’t overlooked cause I really thought she might be snubbed. Overall, I think the noms were pretty good with the exception of a couple snubs.

I was happy to see Stephanie Hsu get in there too! It was blowing my mind when award show after award show Jamie Lee Curtis was getting nominations but she wasn’t for the same film. So I’m glad she finally got in there when it really mattered the most. I’m still really disappointed that Viola Davis (looove her so much) or Danielle Deadwyler didn’t get in. I wasn’t expecting both of them to miss out. As I said in the last ask, I haven’t seen To Leslie, so I can’t really comment on Andrea’s performance. I think she was just such a surprise nomination to me because on all of the lists of awards show channels or podcasts I listen to, it seemed like Michelle and Cate were locks for the category. Michelle (Williams) and Ana were highly likely to get nominated, but still stood a chance of missing out. And then it was essentially a toss up between Margot, Viola, and Danielle for that last spot or two (had Michelle W or Ana not gotten nominated). When they said Andrea I was just so surprised because that wasn’t a name I had remembered hearing at all during award season chatter. But if her performance was great and she truly earned that spot then good for her!

It does feel like the “campaigning efforts” of the past are back and I don’t really care for that personally. I don’t like the idea of campaigning for a nomination versus letting a performance speak for itself and getting that nomination on true acting merit alone. It shouldn’t matter how many industry friends you know that are voting members of the Academy or how many talk shows you go to leading up to nominations. The quality of the performance is the only thing that should matter IMO 🦎

[mobbu-min]

Can you do a one shot with Reigen? Where the reader and reigen are already dating and she sees him in the girls uniform. He tries to play it off as if he doesn’t know them but they see right through him. Please and Thank you!

A/N: Absolutely! I had a lot of fun writing this! Hope you enjoy💖

Paring: Reigen x gn!reader

Genre: pure fluff

Who do you think you’re fooling?

You had been on your jolly way after your frustrating visit to the grocery store. After encounting what the kids call a 'Karen', you were rightfully in a bad mood. That woman would not stop pestering you about the amount.of ramen you were buying. Saying it was unbecoming to eat all that junk, like this wasn't for you in the first place! Not only that but she had the audacity to complain and say rude remarks to the cashier.

"What an absolute bitch." You muttered sourly under your breath. Fixing the heavy bag on your aching shoulder, you groan "Reigen Arataka, I'm expecting the best message ever when I get back to the building."

Just as you were gonna cross the street, you heard people around you whisper.

"Did you see that man dressed in a school girl's uniform?"

"Yeah, he was dragging a poor girl with him."

"What a creep."

"I hope they get the girl help."

"If anything, I hope they get rid of the creep."

There was a certain feeling you got whenever you felt like your boyfriend was doing something he shouldn’t be doing. Currently that feeling was sending warning signals throughout your brain. And this seems exactly like something he would do.

Scratch that! This IS something he would do!

'Oh my spirits. I should have asked him why he was buying those uniforms!" You inwardly groaned in regret. Turning the elderly ladies you asked politely, "Um excuse me, by any chance did you see where they wander off to?"

"Huh? Sure! There were heading to Saint Highso Girls' Academy.” She said pointing to the direction of the school. She then asked, "Are you gonna go get that girl out of there?"

"That's the plan."

"Then we'll be rooting for you!"

You thanked the ladies for their kindness and quickly took your leave. Following her directions, you thought to yourself 'Reigen Arataka this is the last time you're doing an exorcism alone.'

It wasn't long until you encountered the two. Jogging over to them you were about to call out for Shigeo, when you saw them pushing him inside of the gates. A pang of guilt for not getting here sooner hit you.

Sighing you watched the two security guards question your boyfriend. Confidence oozed off him as he talked with the two men. You stifle a laugh that began to bubble at your throat at his snobby display.

Reigen was always one to do outrageous things for the sake of his business. And to be honest this might be one of the funniest to date.

 The uniform fit him perfectly and the red lipstick brought out his grey eyes. The questionable wig would have some people turning heads. Some goes for the god awful high pitched snobby voice. But with Reigen’s confidence, he pulls it off surprisingly well, his little hair twirling and sashay could probably fool anyone. Reigen could pass off as a teenage girl, a really old teenage girl.

There was only one problem…

“You can’t fool anyone with those legs!” The guard exclaimed, pointing to Reigen’s very hair legs.

That comment sent you over the edge. Loud laughter erupted from your throat. Tears began to form at the ends of your eyes. The stress from today left your body making you feel like a teenager again.

Reigen, however, felt his soul leave his body at the sight of his partner. 'Oh no.'

"Jeez, Rei! You never cease to amaze me! Hehe!" You giggle walking over to him. Grinning you patted his back softly.

"Excuse me, do I know you?" Reigen asked, his school girl persona voice on. You could see Reigen’s composed demeanor crack at the sight of you.

"Rei, hunny, do play dumb." You pouted.

"Sorry! I have no idea who you are!" Reigen taunted. He put his hands on his hips and turned away from you. His skirt shifting with his movements, giving everyone a nice look at his thighs.

Chuckling, you shook your head, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I know the ‘Greatest Psychic of the 21st Century’ more than you would think."

Reigen couldn't stop the small smile that graced his lips. Shaking his head, he held up his hands in defeat, "Ok, you got me!"

You were about to speak when an awkward cough caught yours and Reigen’s attention. The same two security guards from before stood awkwardly waiting for your attention.

“Do you know him?” One of the guards asked you, gesturing to Reigen.

“I do.” You responded. Bowing, you quickly uttered an apology, “I’m so sorry for his actions. You see he’s mentally unstable and is quick to forget who he is. He had a very traumatic childhood.”

You could hear Reigen’s annoyed grumble from the back. Smiling sweetly, you asked, “Is it alright if I can take him home? I promise this won’t happen again.”

The guard in front of you sighed and scratched the back of his head. Looking at his partner they both exchanged nods. “I don’t see why not. Just make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

You thanked him and quickly grabbed Reigen by his hand. Walking away from the school, you both sat on a nearby bench. Silence settles itself between you both. By now the sun was already setting, casting a pink glow across Seasoning City.

“We’re going to wait for Mob to finish this job and I expect you to give him the earnings.” You said breaking the silence. Reigen watched you stare off into the distance, a small grown graced itself on your lips. Reigen couldn’t help but be a bit worried that you were mad at him. Though his worry cleared up after you turned to him suddenly a teasing grin replacing your frown. “And don’t worry I’m not mad. In fact I'm impressed.”

“Yeah?” Reigen asked, throwing his arm over your shoulder. Sharing the same grin as you. “How did you know it was even me?”

“Oh, you know. The unshaved legs and voice gave it away.” Reigen's grin faltered at your statement. Laughing, you continued, “Oh and the bill I got from the company that makes these uniforms definitely helped.”

Reigen watched you avert your eyes and fiddle with your fingers. Flustered, you stuttered out, “Besides, I know you enough that something like this would definitely cross your mind sooner or later. Honestly, I really admire your dedication to your job.”

 Reigen coughed into his hands and avoided your gaze. His face was as red as the lipstick he currently wore. Reigen's heart felt like it was going to burst out of chest any moment now. Your gaze and words sent shivers down his spine. Truly, you had him wrapped around your finger.

“J-jeez, you sure do know your way with words.” Reigen said. His face slowly reverting back to its normal shade.

“Ah, well not as good as you, Mr. Conman.” You teased, leaning back onto the bench while kicking your legs up. “I don’t think I could ever be as suave as you, Rei.”

“Well, I guess you do have a point. I do happen to be the Greatest Psychic of the 21st Century.” Reigen gloated.

Deadpanning, you thought ‘So much for being humble.’

The sound of young voices caught your attention. Turning your gaze to the gate of the school, you watch Mob exit alongside two girls. Smiling at their interaction, you beckoned Reigen to follow. Before you two could go to Mob, you turned to him grinning.

“First, you’re going to hold this.” Handing him the bag of groceries, you rubbed your shoulders. “That thing is way too heavy. By the way you owe me for all that ramen.”

“I can always give you a ~special massage~ when we get home.” Reigen suggested wiggling his eyebrows.

Softly punching his shoulders, you retorted, “Yeah right! Just buy me and Mob some good ramen.”  Reigen laughed at your answer. Walking next to him, you leaned over to him and whispered into his ear, “But that massage is always welcomed~.”

Rushing towards Mob, you called out his name and told him that Reigen was going to get you both ramen. All while Reigen stood red faced and sweaty. Once again his heart threatens to jump out of chest at your display of affection. It wasn’t rare, but it certainly never fails to turn him into a blushing mess.

Reigen quickly snapped out of his flustered state when he heard your cheerful voice calling out to him. Smiling at his favorite two people interact. His gaze softening at the wide smile that stretched across your face

“I sure am lucky.” He whispered to himself.

[jordanr770-blog]

America Needs Some Talent

 I just needed someplace to write down my thoughts so here we are!

I have been watching America’s Got Talent since season 11 when the ukulele girl won. I personally didn’t vote for her but can understand why she won. Same goes for season 12. I was rooting super hard for Diavolo but can understand why puppet girl won. Season 13 had some of the best acts ever (Shin Lim-winner) and I know a lot of people disliked her, but Courtney Hadwin should have at least  gotten 5th place over sob story “I’m such a good person and I hit my wife” Michael Ketterer. Kodi Lee was the obvious winner of season 14 and I personally thought he deserved it over the other acts. Other people did not think it was well deserved, and that’s ok too.  

Last season we got a spoken word poet in the form of Brandon Leake. I did not enjoy the act AT ALL and was kind of mad that he won, but I will say that even though I did not enjoy him, spoken word poetry is indeed a talent.

Now, you may be thinking that season 16 would be a smidgeon of an improvement over season 15. Talent and reality shows should probably strive to become better every season. But if you thought this show isn’t capable of getting any worse, you haven’t been paying attention because this show will always find ways to disappoint. Last night we were told everyone voted for an INSPIRATIONAL speech giver as the winner. Or I’m sorry, apparently he does magic. His name is Dustin Tavella. But the thing is, he was HORRIBLE at both storytelling AND magic and nowhere near deserved the win. “It was well deserved.” How? How is a kindergarten level “magician” worth a million dollars and a Vegas show? I believe the show in Vegas is about an hour and a half and I am curious as to what is he going to do in that timeframe? Talk about how the folks living in Vegas are living in sin while simultaneously throwing paper in the air MAGICALLY? I’m sure the audience will go wild over that. Or maybe during all of his shows he will adopt a kid a day from different countries and then spend about an hour talking about Little ZimZam’s harsh life and while he’s babbling  he’ll be semi incorporating his poor magic skills into the act in the last minute so the poster stating he’s a magician didn’t TECHNICALLY lie so nobody is getting their money back. I really don’t know. I have a lot of thoughts. 

Plus, his sob story just did nothing for me whatsoever. Good for you for adapting 11 children, unless it has to do with whatever your act is, shut the hell up and do the trick! Not once did this guy impress  or give even the best of a performance of the night. It was always 8+ minutes of “inspiration” and tirades about how we as a society need to be good to one another whilst doing crappy magic. Let me tell you, I know next to nothing about magic but even I could tell he was a less than stellar magician. Even calling him a magician is somewhat laughable. In reality he's a motivational speaker who does terrible magic tricks and  who always somehow manages to suck at said terrible magic but America apparently doesn’t notice him screwing up his terrible magic because he’s too busy telling them to look at a crumpled up piece of paper or a ladder or the new photograph of his adopted son who has an extra eyeball or whatever. It’s stupid.

Last night for his final performance Dustin’s act was, and I kid you not, telling us all to be nice. FOR SEVEN UNNECESSARY MINUTES. And I do believe he started to fake cry. Dude, you’re acting is about as good as Heidi Klum’s. You can't act and you can barely do magic. Why are you here? What is your talent? Did he really join a talent show to become some type of inspirational God of obvious wisdom? If that’s the case, he should have gone and done a Ted Talk, many less victims of mediocrity that way. America somehow  put him in the top 5 with actually talented people? I think not. The act itself was not impressive and he did the same thing every time, just told a different sob story. If you have to rely on a sad story to win, you don’t deserve to win a show where talent is the main objective. 

In case my last few paragraphs were not made abundantly clear, I am not a fan of this dude. At all. I read a comment which stated that a message is not a talent and whoever said that is 100% correct and summed up my feelings pretty accurately. I'm not a fan or boring and basic tricks combined with even worse stories. He's the living embodiment of a motivational meme and anyone who voted for this guy is  gullible and can fight me. Maybe people “voted” for him because he attempted to pull on the heartstrings? But because I sold my heart long ago his act didn’t effect me as much. /s But I swear every year they make it more clear that the entire show is rigged. 

Well, maybe the voting ISN’T rigged entirely and all the boomers  (first time I’ve ever used that term) and antivaxxers and easily swayed by sob story people on Twitter and Facebook voted for him. Doubtful, but you never know. HE WAS SO FREAKING BAD!!!

We are all allowed to have opinions and just because you don’t agree with me that doesn’t mean I am an awful person who deserves DEATH. I keep getting responses and messages on Twitter from angry folk who are calling me heartless because I questioned WHY they voted for him. “Well, IIIII gave Dustin all 10 of my votes!” That’s nice Karen. That is also not an answer and I cannot stress enough how much I do not care that you voted for the phony used cars salesman. Go tell your Prince from Nigeria all about it. Another guy got mad and reported me for “yelling at strangers.” Which is kind of a typical thing people do on Twitter. And I wasn’t even yelling! Lol. 

And another point I’d like to make (about this and  in general) is people really need to stop using the terms “all of us” and the word “we.” I am my own person and you do not get to speak for me. 

“We were all crying when we saw him perform!” - No WE most certainly weren’t. I was seething with anger, yes. Crying? Not even close.

“His magic touched all of our hearts!” WHAT MAGIC? WHERE WAS THE MAGIC IN THIS MANS ENTIRE ACT? I MUST HAVE MISSED IT AFTER I PASSED OUT FROM HIS 7 MINUTE LONG STORY ABOUT HIS BORING LIFE. 

His win was a complete insult.

* I personally voted for Aidan Bryant, but I really wanted Unicircle Flow to win before they got kicked off due to the judges having a tendency to suck at picking during judges choice. *

Edit: I apologize if this wasn’t articulated very well or if it seems I basically said the same thing over and over. To be fair it was 3 am when I wrote this and I was still irritated and questioning everything. Still doesn’t excuse the fact that this guy was lame and doesn’t deserve a Vegas show. My mom told me earlier today that people on the Internet are mad about his win and that it’s not fair to take it out on the guy, which I suppose is kind of true. Not exactly his fault the general public has failed and shown their stupidity yet again. If anyone is to blame it is the people who actually voted for this doofus. And AGT. And yeah, I guess I will blame him as well. But I’m not saying go to his Twitter or Instagram or whatever and call him out for being a con artist and bully him. 

I think the MESSAGE =P I’m trying to display here  is that someone has no business being on a talent show unless they have talent; self explanatory. A message isn’t talent. Being a narcissist isn’t talent. Exploiting your kids and wife isn’t talent. Speaking can be a talent (comedy, that poetry guy, acting, improv, probably a lot of other stuff I’m forgetting about) but one shouldn’t call themselves a magician if one is really a way less cool garage sale version of Talky Tina. Magic IS talent but if you want a million dollars you better have skills that are on par or better than the professionals. 

[rewrite-this-story]

Ok, so I'm going to just share this long post/ rant comparing two fictional characters with abusive tendencies. They are from two very difference, completely unrelated (except for the fact that Leslie Odom Jr. appears in both) shows. I like one and tend to dislike the other and I want to share why I think this is. The two character I'm going to discuss are Jimmy Collins from Smash (played by Jeremy Jordan) and Dean Winchester from Supernatural (played by Jensen Ackles). Before anyone says anything, no, I don’t like Jimmy Collins more than Dean Winchester because one of my favorite Broadway actors plays him.

Warning: there are a few spoilers ahead.

Just for reference, this is Dean Winchester:

And this is Jimmy Collins:

I'm assuming most people have some idea what Supernatural is about and who Dean is, but Smash is not nearly as well known, so I'm going to try to quickly summarize everything you need to know. Smash is a musical TV show that ran for two seasons. It's not super well known, but it was good. The music mostly consists of original songs written by Broadway composers and writers and most of the actors are fairly successful on Broadway. Some of them weren't at the time, but are now. The first season of the show focuses on a few characters as they try to get a musical about Marilyn Monroe titled Bombshell produced on Broadway while struggling with issues in their personal lives. In season 2, they are still trying to get Bombshell onto Broadway, but the group splits up and some of them move on to working on a new musical written by Jimmy Collins and Kyle Bishop titled Hit List. Fantastic show, I would definitely recommend checking it out.

Now, let's move on to talking about Dean Winchester and Jimmy Collins and their childhoods.

Dean Winchester grew up in a very unhealthy household and was trained to fight monsters and look after his brother since his mother died when he was four. His brother, Sam, was a baby at the time and didn't feel the same conviction to avenge his mother's death as his father and brother. It doesn't help that he really wasn't told anything about her and would get in trouble for even mentioning her. Different people have different opinions about their father, but I won't talk too much about him in this post. However, I will say that he was probably not the position to raise his children well. I don't care if he was grieving or trying his best, it was not healthy for Sam and Dean to be raised the way they were. Since young, they were both trained in hand to hand combat and the use of numerous weapons. By the time they were teenagers, they were helping their father fight monsters and knew how to treat most injuries. Dean was often pressured to take care of Sam. He also often found himself in the middle of arguments between Sam and their father. Many people theorize or argue that their father was both emotional and physically abusive and that he was an alcoholic.

We never meet Jimmy's parents, but we know that his father was physically abusive and an alcoholic from Jimmy's discussions with Karen and Kyle. It's reasonable to assume that he was also emotionally abusive. I don't remember what happened to his mother, but after getting away from their father, Jimmy and his brother, Adam, have no relationship with her. We also don't know much about his relationship with Adam growing up, but after they leave, Adam gets Jimmy addicted to drugs and convinces him to deal drugs for him. Eventually, Jimmy meets Kyle. Kyle helps him see the error in his ways and he starts battling his addiction and stops selling drugs. Well, it's partly Kyle's influence, partly his own conscience, and partly the shock of watching a girl he liked overdose on drugs he gave her that gets him to try to change. At some point after this, Jimmy steals money from his brother, changes his name to Jimmy Collins, and moves in with Kyle. Throughout the show, he repeatedly refers to Kyle as his brother.

Throughout each show, both Dean and Jimmy are shown to get very angry very easily and often hurt the people who care most about them. They try to use their past to excuse their behavior and they emotionally manipulate those closest to them and make them feel guilty for things that they shouldn't feel guilty for.

The major differences I noticed between the characters was their development throughout the show and how the show dealt with their behavior.

Supernatural and many fans constantly excuse Dean's behavior because he had a hard childhood. I have heard fans say that his misogynistic attitude throughout the show is ok because he has "mommy issues". His reactions are justified for various reasons and in the end, he's treated like a hero. His hypocrisy is ok because he knows best. His constant abuse towards both Sam and Castiel is ok because they somehow deserved it. I can't remember what people said to justify how he treated Jack. At one point in the show he says that he's poison. The show never addresses the fact that people around him don't get hurt just because he has bad luck. They get hurt because he hurts them or drives them to put themselves in danger. Dean never changes or improves. Even when a character tells him that he needs to change, he ignores them. He somehow hates himself whole being blind to his own flaws.

Jimmy, on the other hand, knows he needs to change and improve. When we first meet him, he wants nothing to do with anyone other than Kyle. This is probably partly because he doesn't trust them and partly because he doesn't trust himself. Kyle often puts up with Jimmy's behavior, but when he does push back, Jimmy listens. The show doesn't ignore Jimmy's issues. His backstory doesn't exist to justify his flaws, but to explain them. He works to improve for himself and the people who care about him. And he does learn and improve. He learns to trust people and do nice things just because. He does slip up occasionally, but he tries to make things right and apologize. In the end, he even manages to face his past and turns himself in for the crimes he committed to try to make things right. I'm guessing he also starting seeing a therapist while in jail, but we don't really know.

Basically, abusive characters can still be likable if their abusive behavior is addressed and they get character development.

[itwoodbeprefect]

as someone who lived thru mcdanno, what are ur expectations for buddie? (fellow clown here)

fjdkfd god, i do love that question, thank you, but prepare yourself for too many words and perhaps not the answer you want to hear.

first off, i feel like i barely even really lived through mcdanno. i came in around the time season 9 started and caught up midway through, so at that point there had been a full eight and a bit seasons to very clearly set the tone on that show and in steve and danny's relationship, which is queerbait, times ten. i literally never expected anything else, and i fully knew what i was getting into from the get-go. h50 is also a show i'd place politcally either in the center or right of center, often aimed at more of a boomer audience (oh god that episode about the "millenial" vloggers who weren't even millenials HAUNTS me) and with a number of queer characters i could (extremely literally) count on my hands, of which by far most either get a) one single speaking line (if at all), b) killed or c) exposed as a criminal. overall it's not a show that's kind to queer people, is what i'm saying, and it was never very interested in being so.

911 on the other hand... is very similar in some fundamental ways, hence the huge overlap there seems to be in steve/danny people and buck/eddie people, but it's also very different in many other ways. it only has four seasons so far, of which eddie has only been present for three, and the ensemble cast is WAY more an actual ensemble than in h50, which is also supposedly about a kind of found family but is in reality most of the time the steve-and-danny or even the really-just-steve show. mcdanno just gets so much more airtime, both by existing number of seasons and by minutes on screen per episode. the 911 setup is not a bad thing whatsoever (i wish h50 had done more of that! daniel dae kim and grace park DESERVED more of that, jfc) but it does mean that honestly, when i started watching 911 with h50 fresh on my mind and all the comparisons i'd seen on tumblr, i was like, yeah, okay. i see why people might ship it, but compared to mcdanno buddie has barely any setup at all. (i'msorrydon'thateme.)

and this is where i might accidentally be getting controversial, and i'm sorry about that too, because i really don't mean to put a damper on anyone's joy, but while i agree that buck/eddie can be fun to explore as a ship, i just... don't necessarily think it's going to happen on screen? and that's okay. there is absolutely nothing wrong with shipping something that isn't canon and that might never be canon! that's totally cool! the only problem with that is when you start expecting something to happen in canon and you end up getting disappointed if it doesn't, because that hurts and getting hurt is no fun at all, and that's what worries me a little about buddie and 911 fandom. when i look at the tags some people seem... very convinced. and i get that too, because when a whole bunch of people are analyzing a show for hints of a specific ship, it's very easy to get swept up in it and it's a kind of echo chamber in which you all agree that it would be good and make sense and how could this not be what they're planning considering all you're seeing? but i'm just not sure, in this particular case, whether the rest of the audience and the writers are seeing the same thing, and i feel like there's a bit of a buddie hype going on based on what (to me!) in all honesty doesn't seem like that much evidence in canon, which just scares me a bit.

again, certainly not trying to tell anyone they shouldn't be having fun with buck/eddie (you should!!!) or that there's nothing to go by in canon, but just. please be careful with expectations from that canon? if something happens, that's awesome, and if it never does, that's also okay. it doesn't mean you're crazy, but it also doesn't mean the writers or showrunners or god forbid the actors are evil people who have been stringing you along. i get how loaded this can be, especially because there is such a huge history of shows not going for queer relationships purely because of homophobia, and it can be easy to read that into this situation, but this show already HAS a huge number of canonically queer main and recurring characters, who are all awesome and written as actual people with lots of friends and sympathetic storylines and hero moments and i don't think, honestly, that accusing 911 of homophobia or queerbaiting or bad writing for not making the two men fandom has latched onto go canon is going to, well, accomplish anything, except foster bitterness and ruin something for people that they used to enjoy.

all of that being said, and not to fly directly in the face of everything i just said, but... it could happen. i'm not saying it couldn't. coming back to that thing about h50 and queer characters, 911 is very incredibly wildly different in its treatment of its characters, and they DO have queer characters. they have A LOT of queer characters, to the blessed point where "character b can't be queer because character a already is" definitely doesn't apply, which it has many times in the past even if there is someone not straight in the cast of some show. so i mean. maybe! it's possible! 911 is not h50 at all, and that's a very good thing imo because as much as i enjoy mcdanno, h50 is honestly lowkey unwatchable as a show to me sometimes.

so, essentially, my personal expectations for buddie as a romantic thing in canon are not high, but i guess higher than they ever were for mcdanno, because at least buck and eddie are on a show where it's a remote possibility. i think it would be great - a queer slow burn on tv, that would be amazing - but i also think the show and buck and eddie's relationship would still be great if they never did it, and that all the other queer characters they already have probably deserve a lot more attention from fandom if queer rep is really what it's about, because hen and karen and josh and michael and david are all right there, and that's not even getting into lone star with paul and tk and carlos. mostly though i think that i don't want people to get disappointed. nobody ever expected anything to happen in h50, and that gives a kind of freedom of certainy that there isn't in 911, which makes me a little nervous for this fandom and the people in it. not to sound preachy, but be safe, have fun, and make sure that things keep being fun for you, because that's what fandom is about. if they're not, it might be time to take a break, and that's okay - it's normal to get really invested in something you enjoy, but please also put your own enjoyment and comfort first. (and it's still totally okay and can be a lot of fun to ship something that isn't canon.) ❤

[pointlesstrashyexistence]

I know other people have said it in better words but I really don’t understand how that finale was good. Ok bear with me. Yes I’m a destiel shipper but Cas not being in the episode and the confession not being acknowledged in any way aren’t even in my top 5 reasons for what I hate about the finale. I don’t even know if they’d make it into my top 10.

We had a bunch of episodes before the extended break due to Covid happened where Sam kept having dreams of Chuck’s ideas for how Sam and Dean die, usually by one killing the other, in other universes. And then in the episode with Becky, she talks about how sad and hopeless the ending Chuck writes is and there is this positive light put on how in her own fanfics, Sam and Dean are often just at the bunker doing regular things like bonding while folding laundry. And in the end, Dean dies and Sam lives the rest of his life with this deep sense of unhappiness without any of the other hunters and friends he’s made in the last few years that could help him and provide him some kind of emotional support. He’s just kind of going through the motions before he dies it seems like. And Dean just dies and goes to heaven and basically waits for Sam to die and show up. And as someone who, while I’ve never attempted suicide, became very depressed from around middle school because of constantly being in a space where I was told my sexuality meant I was going to Hell and wondered if maybe the only way I could escape that deep unhappiness and loneliness I was feeling was in death? The idea that death is the only release and the only time where you can achieve true happiness is horrifying.

Dean has always had scenes, even episodes built around him wanting to live some kind of apple-pie life and believing it’s something he can never have. Dean has always tried to provide for Sam and make sure Sam has what he never could, including Sam having an apple pie life. Dean always believed he was going to die young and while on some level some of that had to do with him being a hunter, it also had to do with his own issues of self worth. Why couldn’t Dean realize and accept that after all the horror and bullshit he’s dealt with, he does want to grow old and live an apple pie life and be happy and be better? Why couldn’t Dean have some version of an apple pie life? Not even with Cas, just some version? I don’t think anyone would’ve like Dean having a blurry wife, but Dean just owning a bar that becomes the Roadhouse 2.0 where he gets to see the Wayward Sisters and AU Bobby and AU Charlie every few weeks? Why couldn’t Dean examine why he’s become an increasingly worse person and realize he needs help? That would’ve been nice.

Sam seems to want it at first only because he wants to be normal and then realizes that not only is he really good at hunting, but he actually enjoys it, maybe even more than Dean, and he steps into this leadership position later. He still wants a relationship (I will never forget you Eileen. You are an awesome character and its horrible that when very little deaf and hard of hearing representation exists and you were shown as not only a serious love interest but an amazing independent hunter who realizes her revenge won’t bring her happiness and continues to find her happiness after revenge only to be brushed aside and ignored). However, it seems like if he did it would’ve been way more integrated into his hunting life. Because having a family and hunting aren’t mutually exclusive. Bobby and Karen would’ve had children but couldn’t. Jo lived a happy loving childhood with Ellen and her father until John used her father as bait, and Ellen continued to love Jo and tried to get her to leave hunting for her safety. Jody takes care of 3 teenage girls who are either active hunters or want to be involved in some way. Why couldn’t Sam be a leader and in a relationship? Why couldn’t Sam have a wife and child like he wanted, except him having a family is not because he’s chasing a sense of normalcy but because he actually wants one?

These were things the two of them wanted but doubted they could have. In a world where a god is no longer controlling you, a conventionally attractive middle aged white man with access to large amounts of money and many issues they want to work through but haven’t been able to because of multiple apocalypses, what else do you have stopping you from pursuing the things you want other than yourself?

Now I know there are a lot of fans who didn’t like that the show centered less on Sam and Dean’s relationship. Yes, the show, at least in the first 5 seasons, was exclusively centered around Sam and Dean. The last 5 haven’t been though. Yes, the show went through many different directors in the 10 seasons after it was originally supposed to end and that is why. The last 5 seasons still have Sam and Dean’s family slowly extending, even when they seem to become shittier people. I’m not saying the last episode shouldn’t have focused on Sam and Dean’s relationship because that was the original centerpiece of the show and remained one of the key features. But why did it seem like they could only be happy when they were dead in heaven even when the two of them still have things they need to work out.

Even if the last episode wanted to exclusively focus on the two of them, why couldn’t we see them actually have a time where they’re alive and doing this? Supernatural starts as a show with two fucked up brothers and ends with those same brothers killing the god they realize has orchestrated almost every aspect of their and are now trying to learn what a life free of control means. Why couldn’t the last episode have them actually sit down and reflect on the people they’ve lost throughout their 15 years together? Why not have them discuss how horrible they’ve been to each other over those years, keeping secrets, gaslighting each other, intentionally doing things to harm each other, and deciding to end the cycle of trauma from both sides of their family by seeking help or maybe indefinitely separating themselves, realizing that they have the ability to bring out the best and worst in each other?

I would prefer much happier endings, but if we were continuing with the idea of kind of a return to the beginning, of bringing Supernatural back to its grassroots as a show about two brothers, why not have the show that started by their reunion end with their separation? It still pulls at the heartstrings, it still hits the notes it needs to, it’s hopeful, it focuses on Sam and Dean, and it ends with them recognizing that as much as they love each other, they have an unstable unhealthy relationship and without a god pulling the strings it is now up to them to decide if they want to leave this relationship to grow mentally and emotionally and seek out the help the other can’t provide. The last season was all about them trying to take control over their lives back, so show what happens when they actually have full control and deny the audience access to what they then do with the rest of their lives because they refuse to be seen as entertainment.

[silver-and-stars]

9-1-1 4x08 Winter finale

[Warning : I dislike Taylor Kelly. She was okay this episode but I’m the resentful kind. Also my brain works funny at 4am]

I know that flight attendant, Molly, from somewhere! Camille in The Originals, wasn’t she?! Eddie flirting over math??? MATH??? whatever rocks your boat man but MATH? I’m don’t like the “Edmundo” thing. Maybe because it seems like only his parents/grandma/aunt call him that. OR just because I’m not used to it. Afterall, for 2 seasons and half everybody called him Eddie or Diaz. THANK GOD FOR THE BEDTIME ALERT. At least, I won’t have to see them kiss until 6 weeks. Buck being very domestic in Eddie's home, saying “You’re late”, welcoming him at the door, putting Chris to bed. “Christopher is already in bed?” gosh that’s such a domestic question. 9-1-1 why do you to this to me?! “You’re a miracle worker” *ugly sobs smearing my clown make-up*

Okay so we have: Chim and Eddie betting with Hen. Buck talking about his problems to everyone now. I like this. Go my boy, talk about your feels. LOL Eddie starting the “jump” thing and the camera panning to Bobby saying it too. Eddie getting parental advice from Bobby and Athena. Buck befriending Taylor Kelly?? "Be patient, let the universe come to you", the same universe that "doesn’t scream" according to Eddie? (if this is a message to us TOO BAD I’M ALL OUT OF PATIENCE)

Does… Albert have a job? (I mean he buys groceries so he has some money) A job that would allow him to get his own place and not bring his date to his friend’s apartment?? Omg no, Buck, you're going to bring Taylor Kelly to the double date? Taylor "Let's film the firefighter captain when he is about to jump off the building and after the illusion of his dead daughter" Kelly? Aww the discussion between Athena and Maddie was really sweet and OH god Karen u okay? I would have fainted! How is the stabbed guy not dead? also Athena PLEASE stop getting alone in a place where potentially murderers are without calling for back up! It always stressed me up but it does even more now, since the assault.

So Eddie likes Ana “a lot”? Okay well, good for him. He deserves nice things.

Okay I’m not being sincere here. Like, hey maybe it doesn’t have to be a girl? Though it’s obviously going to be, cause they are not going to make the two allegedly straight guys date each other, are they? Not the dad who was in the military and the manly lady-killer. What would the viewers think? The cis viewers not wanting yet another queer relationship in their show about badass firemen. Look at what all those disappointments did to me. Made me so jaded. I may be getting a bit bitter here. I just dislike seeing good potential throw out the windows for those kinds of reasons. Anyways, holy shit I didn't expect Chris to get THIS angry. It's gonna be okay Eddie, eventually.

[long post so rest under the cut]

RIP Buck, looking so dejected in his little armchair I dislike Taylor Kelly (for her morality) a lot but she does look good in that red dress... and it seems she didn't knew it was a double date? Yep. #awkward Yeaaah, Buck that wasn't thought through, was it? Also, no Taylor, you and Buck didn't click because you’re here for a hook-up (though he doesn’t seem uninterested in the idea) while he seeks a "more meaningful relationship". [Buck I’m gonna shore you’re head in front off Eddie’s and maybe you’ll have some kind of revelation then.] "You're so needy" how shut up Ma'am "I'd had no qualms wanting to give a bad image of the 118 as long as it gave me views". I don’t like you enough to tolerate you speaking poorly to Buck. It's true, he should have told you, he f*cked up and he doesn't want to not be like (we have his unloving parents to thank for that) and I get your feelings are hurt but hey! I don't care about your feelings. I care about Buck's. (as Hen said to Chim : “She is you’re ex, I’m your friend. You get to move on. I get to hold a grudge until I died.”)

You know Ana is nice, like she is ready to take a break for Christopher’s sake and yet... I don't care about her. Maybe it's because I ship buddie and she pales in comparison with Eddie and Buck's chemistry. But I don't think this is it. I mean we already have a nice caring girl in Maddie (who was more likeable from the start though) so maybe this is why. Like Ana feels redundant, personality wise. I should like her, she is pretty, nice, intelligent, she cooks it seems, she makes Eddie smile, she was an elementary school teacher and yet she doesn’t interest me. I can't get invested in her character or Eddie's relationship with her. She is too much of a satellite love interest. I'm fine with that if she isn't meant to stay. But if she is meant to stay (noooooooo) then you better strengthen her character. You better make her the Maddie to his Chimney, the Athena to his Bobby. Make me like her.

Christopher sneaked out?! WTF?! How? And he went to Buck's house? Called himself a uber?! (hmm this was in a fanfic I read) Did he manage to pass Eddie without getting notice or did he go through the back door? Anyway, here comes the talk and this is not going where we hoped it will. I knew, yet I’m still disappointing. This is why I’m a clown. To be honest I wished tv writers could just spoil us about ships to come, at least when it concerns queer ships (you know, like Roswell New Mexico did, Roswell New Mexico where a soldier date a ladykiller cowboy hmmm). Should I keep hoping for buddie or not? Tell me. I'll wait if I should and move one if I shouldn't. I just don't like wasting my time and energy on queerbaiting, if this is what it is.

OH NO CHRIS! He thinks everybody leaves! (Btw where IS Carla? Who keeps watch on Chris when he is homeschooled and Eddie is at work?) Damn! Buck is DEFINITELY the right person to talk about those feelings! (wow you two have so much in common, you could be related! By law. Through your dad. A June wedding for buddie). Awww Buck promised to be there for Christopher! OH MY GOD FORGET EVERYTHING! RIGHT NOW NOTHING MATTERS! MADDIE SAID "I LOVE YOU" !! THREE TIMES! I'm so happy for her and Chimney!

So was the tweet alluding to Buck moving in Eddie's house playing with us OR are we going to get it later this season? Doesn’t seem like it. I’d me more hopeful if I hadn’t been queerbaited so many times before or seen perfect gay ships never come into fruition because of the “no homo” rule. And why Taylor "Walsh"? I like seeing Eddie as a medic. OMG NOPE TAYLOR KELLY YOU DON’T PULL OFF YOU MASK ON A VACCINATION SITE TO KISS A FIREFIGHTER ON THE CHEEK. YOU TWO HAVE BEEN AROUND PEOPLE ALL DAY! SOCIAL DISTANCING! THAT MASK STAYS ON TO PROTECT OTHERS FROM YOU!

As expect, we've been clowns! Buck didn't, and won’t, move in (he doesn’t need to since Albert and Veronica broke up), Eddie did introduced Chris to Ana. Chris is now okay with it (his reaction was cute) although STOP HUGGING PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF YOUR FAMILIAL CIRCLE, VICE-PRINCIPAL. YOU DIDN’T EVEN WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE HUGGING HIM! SOCIAL DISTANCING DAMMIT!

We really are in for Eddie/Ana to stay this season (I mean he introduced her to Chris, so it is pretty serious) and maybe Buck / freaking Taylor Kelly (like hook-up to friends to lovers). Buck you can date anyone but please find yourself someone better.

OH HELL NO! This is the mid-season mean cliffhanger? Don't take cutie Nia away from Karen and Hen. I mean, sure this is what they signed up for and if the mother is now a decent person she should see her daughter again, but the baby doesn't even remember her mother (she was too young) and she is already calling them "mom" !

And now we wait. 6 weeks.

[monkey-network]

The Fiasco Finale of Future [1/2]

So in the penultimate episode of Steven Universe 2, the climax of both the season and series as a whole... is a group hug. As I expected, plenty were not too pleased with this turnout. Some felt it was anti-climatic, some felt it was resonating, and others tried to own the critics by digging deep into the scene like they always do sucking this show’s co- Coming from nearly a month later, I’m... split. One hand, I didn’t mind the climax. On the other hand, it was pathetic compared to plenty of other finales I’ve seen in media. It’s like this show as a whole, I enjoy it, but I also enjoy smacking it upside the head cuz it made some Karen-esque, All Lives Matter type stupid shit that I just cannot get behind. So you know what, Perry the Platypus, let’s mix it up. I wanna express the good and bad of this climactic end to the show and see where we can go from there. You ready?

What’s Good:

You truly wanna know what makes that final hug a great scene? A real showstopper? I have the truth, the best truth behind this, you won’t believe me but here goes. The climax worked because A Hug Is Nice. That’s it, there’s nothing else to it beyond a hug being nice. “But Monkey, you incel troll, there’s should’ve been more to that. The episode shouldn’t have taken that long to get to that point.” Well, in typical fashion, let me put it this way by talking about Spider-Man 2 (better than Spiderverse, don’t @ me). The whole movie is centered around Peter’s life getting shat on. He’s getting fired left and right, his people are abandoning him, he even loses his powers, he’s just at his utter lowest. But at his apartment, while contemplating, in comes his landlord’s daughter, Ursula, who offers him some chocolate cake and a glass of milk.

We can say the scene comes out of nowhere and that this is all that happens, feeling pointless, but I say this is an important scene because after everything that happens to him before, this one gesture from somebody out of nowhere to be honest was one of the nicest things he’s received in a while. It’s the seedling of a scene that keeps Parker going before Doc Ock comes to make him truly spring back into action. Above everything, it was nice. Like a hug.

I don’t need to be philosophically deep with SU2′s meta to tell you that a hug can be a worthwhile thing to get more than anything. It doesn’t resolve all the baggage Steven has in his mind, but a group hug from the people closest to you (and the Diamonds) can be a gesture so nice, it can numb you out, if only for a moment. Only other times where Steven got a hug was when he felt everything could be okay. With Lars, Peridot, and Connie after her “rejection”, and it’s after that “rejection” where he slowly loses it in his attempts to shake off that harsh feeling of abandonment and that everything can be okay. It is something where he can turn to the others for help but the concern of their response makes him reasonably suffer in silence. That last part is a little dumb, but I’ll get to that later. He can’t really hug himself because it doesn’t work like that. The point being that Steven, at his lowest, just needed something nice to consider. And a hug from everyone who loves him (and the Diamonds) can be that piece of chocolate cake he needed to be at ease, again, if only for a moment.

Like let me tell ya, as a deliriously depressed man that constantly wishes for death, a hug shouldn’t be spat on. Whether it be from your friends or mommy, a good hug can, at the very least, keep you sane and going. It isn’t medication, let’s not get it twisted, but a healthy remedy nonetheless, especially if you’ve ever felt touch-starved like I have before. It’s an affectionate gesture that for what it’s worth, should never be taken for granted. And while Steven could’ve well gotten this big type hug at almost any time he desired, I can at least appreciate the show for saving that at the right time. Whew. But, while the moment itself is nice, it’s predictably almost everything around it that unfortunately puts the moment in a vacuum and me with a bad taste in my mouth.

What’s Bad: 

Let’s get this out the way, because I’m such a literal bastard... *inhale*

Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

MUSHROOM! MUSHROOM!

Congrats on those with the corrupted!steven theories who no doubt had it hard on when this horned trunk ascended, hung its head high, and beat its meaty chest with blind rage, the crewniverse certainly had the balls to go with this design and a long discussion of utilizing Monster Steven’s full potential. And if you think I’m nasty about this, hoo boy, be glad that words are all you’re seeing right now because artists no doubt had a field day potentially ruining this design for you even more. I’m surprised Tumblr’s flagging system hasn’t taken down whole posts with this. HEHEHEHAAAAAAAA!

As you can probably tell, I’m not a fan of this Diamond Dinodildo’s design (say that 5x times fast). I mean Rebecca could be as horny as she pleased with this show, but this is next level, I tell you. But seriously, it honestly sucked that this is what they came up with when it served no purpose to Steven thematically other than him being a literal peen of a monster. Said this before, but what does becoming a corrupted looking amalgamation mean to him beyond “he’s a monster”? Corrupted gems weren’t the worst things in his world, they were products of a even worse thing. Turning into a diamond like figure would’ve said something about the cycle of abuse making you not feel like yourself, but a reflection of who you not only resent more than anyone, but were the indirect causes of your newfound issues. That would’ve took his struggle in the Diamonds Days arc to its next logical extreme, and brought most of Future’s episodes centered around Steven’s issues to a sensible turning point. Being a warped Diamond version of himself would’ve meant finally embracing inhumanity, and that would’ve conveyed the peak of Steven harshly feeling less like a human over the course of the season, especially when we had several episodes and new powers centering around him being inhuman. And a previous episode had him try to shatter a Pink version of White Diamond, two beings generally responsible for everything that’s happened to him. And it isn’t the design that made this a turn off.

What was Steven even gonna do as a monster? He does nothing to the town, he never even makes it pass the cliffside. He doesn’t even try to attack anybody, the only times he does is when he’s provoked by either the Cluster, the Diamonds, or any of the gems. Spinel raised more hell than Steven. So on the look back it’s insultingly sad they hyped up this big dick energy only to do... genuinely nothing. He already didn’t deserve turning into Pinky the Phallisaurus, but having him not even do anything as a monster left far more to be desired. Mob Psycho 100 did this nearly identical, but better. You can’t deny that it would’ve worked better with 22 minutes, actually give him something to do beyond screech and stomp like he’s Scrat from Ice Age. As much as I don’t like Change Your Mind, 45 minutes worked to its favor to do everything it did. Oh wait, this episode did make good use of time... with a fucking pity party.

They wasted my baby

This is. The WORST scene in the entire series and I’ll stand by that 100%. It’s one thing to show something offensive, but it’s another to have something be completely pointless. Yes, Connie talked some sense into them, but we didn’t need to waste time having White Diamond and the others bitch about something everyone who isn’t a toesucking simp should’ve figured out at that point. Not like it mattered, the Diamonds and Spinel never show up after this episode anyways, so good job making them count for something, I guess. This as well as minorly acknowledge the fact that the gems had a lot to do with Steven’s mental trauma because hey, we don’t have to hold these gems too accountable for child neglect. Speaking of which, where was Jasp- This plays well into my previous point, we aren’t shown what Steven was gonna do as a monster, so what else is the episode to do beyond holding him back in time to just make the characters go “All is lost” for one second before getting back up like this is Marvel’s Captain Driftwood?

Friendship is Magic had this type of moment in its penultimate finale but in that, more time was given to show the villains getting the upper hand, Twilight at her low point, her turnaround with her friends, and the lead in charge to defeat the villains. While some moments felt convenient and downright insulting, they made the most of their limit. The same can’t be said for this and it makes no sense. Speaking of things that make no sense:

Was this shapeshifting or corruption? Rushing or dragging? This personally bothers me because people are saying he shapeshifted even when they were also on board with him corrupting. But what was the point where monster Steven cums cries into the ocean turning it pink?

Now if Steven got himself corrupted, this would make sense since the three Diamonds are there with so fully turning him back to normal wouldn’t be an issue. Questions would arise about how corruption can happen to a human, then again this is Steven Universe, fans never really wanted you to ask questions. But if this was shapeshifting, then why have this permanent monster form? It would’ve made a little more sense of Steven changing his shape depending on his emotions, like what we’ve seen before. Additionally, Steven should have been capable of talking normally instead of roaring and growling like he switched brains with an actual animal. Just because he kinned Godzilla’s joystick doesn’t mean he was unable to speak to anybody, that is if he shapeshifted. Lastly, and this is more implicit than my previous points:

This season shouldn’t have tried tacking mental issues and trauma onto this dickslap of a climax. I’m on the side where we should’ve seen more from monster Steven, but what does this tell me for the topic of mental health? Nearly killing people on three separate occasions didn’t help, but having him transform into a near mindless beast is a backhanded way to convey post traumatic stress. Let me put it this way, if we didn’t get that episode where we learn Steven had held up trauma and stress from Doctor Priyanka, everything surrounding it afterward wouldn’t feel as fucked up as it did. Yes, understanding a root of a character’s problems is good, beneficial even, but having your character nearly, sporadically, commit MURDER THREE TIMES only to then have him become a wildin’ creature does nothing, if not disgust. It's disgusting when you talk about PTS one minute and have your main character be socially dangerous the next. You’d feel sorry for him, sure, but I gotta say nearly killing people is not something we should just hand wave. That is not a good or realistic depiction of depression and post traumatic stress; especially when you trying to discuss this with children. And don’t try to justify it by saying it was necessary for his downward spiral. Having to think and see death before my own eyes in real life, there should’ve been a better way to make Steven hit rock bottom without putting other’s lives on the line. It wasn’t compelling or resonating to see him become a witless creature after saying he could get away with anything, it felt jarringly hallow and teeth gritting sadistic to think this was acceptable. It took him turning into a literal creature to finally go to therapy or a throwaway line about therapy in this show’s case? Are you kidding me?

The hug is a nice moment on its own, but it took far too many kneecaps to get to this point and think it’s believably or justly earned. I can make fun of the monster design all I want, but what they put Steven through to get to this point is the most insulting writing I ever have to think about. Because you know what that hug told me, personally? It’s that you can commit near irrefutable atrocities, you can behave like a blithering rampaging beast all you wish, but that won’t matter. Because you’re valid and your people will love you. That is not only asinine, but it kinda pissed on what I went through growing up. Like, as idealistic as that felt, it didn’t add up because it made the mentally unstable come off as more unstable than they mostly are. You can disagree all you want with this, it won’t change the baffling fact that I came to this conclusion in the first place when I didn’t want to. “But the crew said in an interv-” NO, just nope. If the message the show gives is this polarizing for those that invested or were concerned with it, maybe the message wasn’t clear enough, who knows? I can believe Mr. Rogers never fucked this up when he made his show. I tried thinking of this differently, but I can’t excuse what they did and how they did it. Bojack Horseman never pulled this with its main lead and when it truly did, that was given more time to sort out; not an 11 minute epilogue in its final moments. The hug was nice, but this episode was trash.

Speaking of which, next time...

We Finally Look to the Future

Here’s Part 2, if you’re up.

[holidaywishes]

It Had To Be You XXXIX

Chapter 39: I’m In Love Without You

  Summary: “I never meant to hurt you. Honestly. Everything just kind of happened so quickly and I didn’t.. feel you anymore. Does that make sense?”

  Warning: Melancholia? like not angst but not anger or depression just kinda like.. sorta sad? There’s no actual Tyler in this chapter, just talk of him -- so you’re welcome to skip it if that’s not your cuppa tea but I really hope you don’t! 😊

  Author’s Note: I already had this one in the back of my head when I wrote the last chapter so I figured I’d put it out as soon as I could before I completely forget it. So here you go, it’s a short chapter and it takes place about six months after the last chapter (so like June 2022?) but I’ve been listening to this song like non-stop and it made me think of James and (Y/N). Enjoy!

  Song Credit: I’m In Love Without You -- FINNEAS (the beginning of this song gives me chills every time; give it a listen you won’t be disappointed)

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  While Tyler was occupied with Hockey, you had been planning the wedding but it was proving to be much more difficult than you thought.

  “I think you need to come back home,” your sister said over the phone, “you know, for support.”

  “This is home. Besides, I can’t leave now. I’ve got Lionel and the season’s over. They need me...” you hesitated, not fully believing the words that came out of your mouth

  “The season’s over and Ty’s going to do what he always does. Train and head out to a warm place with a beach and an ocean and bring along his buddies. He doesn’t need you for that.”

  “Yikes. That’s not really what a girl wants to hear about her fiancé.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” she corrected, “I just meant there’s no harm in you popping back to Calgary so your family can help plan your wedding; that you haven’t decided on a date for.” She mumbled the last part under her breath and you called her on it but she just ignored you, “look, if it’s about the dog, bring him. I’d love to meet him!”

  “I don’t know,” you hesitated, “I’d have to put him in cargo and he’s never been on a plane before. He’s still pretty much a puppy you know. Plus, what about Ty’s dogs?”

  “Bring them too?”

  “Luce...”

  “Come on! I haven’t seen my baby sister in ages and now that she’s getting married, I won’t ever see her again.”

  “Hey!” you practically snapped, “that’s not true. Of course you’ll see me.”

  “No I’ll see the two of you. The you that is the ‘us.’ Sometimes, I just need sister time.” You understood where she was coming from and you would be lying if you didn’t agree on some level with what she was saying so you agreed to go back to Calgary after Tyler started BioSteel Camp but you had to admit, you were kind of relieved to know that you would have some people to help plan this wedding with you. When you landed in Calgary, you sent a quick text to Lucy, who came to meet you at the airport.

 “I knew you’d head out here,” she taunted, smiling at you, “you can’t plan a wedding with no family”

  “Sure you can,” you added, “people do it all the time.”

  “Yeah but...” she stammered, “they’re not surrounded by hockey players”

  “I think you’d be surprised how many hockey players are good at the wedding planning stuff. Ty, however, is not one of those. He’s happy to just let me handle it.”

  “See...” she laughed, “you need us!” You sighed before admitting she was right

  “If Ty’s sisters were in Dallas, it wouldn’t be so bad but they’re up in Toronto you know?” you said, “if I’m gonna head up anyway, I may as well just go home.” She nodded in agreement before smiling at you. The two of you headed back to Lucy’s place because she was hoping to surprise Chris and Karen and you were happy to indulge her.

  “I notice there is no dog...” she questioned

  “Ty said he’d be happy to keep all four of them. Said it would help push him to train more or something.”

  “Ahh I see..”

  “Yup.” The two of you laughed; a text came through from Chris

  “Just checkin’ in. You’re never too old for me to do that you know!”

  “Do they know yet?” Lucy said as she glanced at your screen and saw his name.

  “Yes!” you answered, but furrowed your brow, “I think so. I’m pretty sure.. It’s been six months so I’m positive I told them after it happened”

  “How can you not remember?” she laughed

  “A lot was happening,” you smiled, “there was a party and Candace came down so we spent some time together. She made herself a bridesmaid by the way”

  “As long as she didn’t claim Maid of Honour,” she said, narrowing her eyes at you, “I don’t care”

  “Just bridesmaid, which I would’ve made her and Cass anyway,” you added, “but I’m sure I told Chris and Karen.” You thought about it more as Lucy began dialing Chris’ number,

  “Hey Chris!” she greeted, hitting your shoulder to get you to pay attention when she noticed you weren’t looking in her direction, “I’m just wondering if you and Karen could come over and help me organize my office. I’m just a little overwhelmed.” She put him on speaker

  “Why are you organizing your office?” he answered

  “Because I’m bored, I don’t know. Why aren’t you organizing your office?” she snapped back

  “You want our help? I’d check your tone if I were you.” You raised your eyebrows at your sister to get her to calm down and she winced in your direction, knowing you were right

  “I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m overwhelmed” she shrugged and you laughed silently to yourself. Chris agreed, like he always did and like you knew he would, and Lucy said she’d seen him soon before they hung both hung up.

  “You’re lucky he didn’t snap at you”

  “Chris would never!” she joked and you nodded knowing she was probably right

  “Whatever,” you laughed, “I’m going to take a shower before they get here.” It didn’t take long for them to get there and you were rushed to Lucy’s room so she could distract them enough for you to get ready. When you popped your head into Lucy’s office, Karen was the first to see you and her high-pitched scream made you cover your ears sarcastically.

  “What are you doing here?!” she exclaimed

  “Shouldn’t you be in Dallas with your fiancé?” Chris teased

  “HA!” you shouted, turning to Lucy, “I knew I told them!” Everyone laughed for a few seconds before eventually asking why you were really home

  “Everything’s okay right?” Chris said

  “Of course!” you giggled, “I just thought.. maybe.. you’d like to help me plan the wedding a little?”

  “Oh..” Chris hesitated, “that’s a thing for you girls. I’d be no good in that situation.”

  “Hmm...” you hummed, “fine, but please be there when I’m trying on dresses. Your opinion means a lot to me.”

  “You got it, kiddo.” You returned the smile he gave you as Karen and Lucy bombarded you with questions and directed you toward the kitchen table.

xx

  After about two weeks of deciding dates, colours and themes, occasionally checking with Tyler to get his thoughts which proved to be ineffective since all he said seemed to be

  “I trust you.” You could hear him smiling on the other end of the phone but it wasn’t exactly the answer you wanted to hear

  “It’s your wedding too, dummy,” you joked, “I want it you to have some say.”

  “I love you and I trust your judgement. Anything you choose, I’ll love because you chose it. All I need is you.” You smiled but rolled your eyes before hanging up. After that, you kept him up to date on how everything was going but none of the details, except the important ones; you know, like the date. Karen had found a great bridal boutique and called them to make a reservation for later in the week but to be completely honest, you couldn’t picture your wedding dress.

  “I wish we could’ve gone to the one on T.V. The Say Yes to the Dress store.” Karen sighed as she got off the phone

  “I don’t need that. All of those dresses, all those options, would give me way too much anxiety,” you smiled, “besides, I don’t even have a venue picked out to know what kind of dress to look for.”

  “Let your dress pick the venue.” Lucy said, wrapping her arm around you in a side hug

  “I like that,” you returned, “I think I’ll do just that.”

  “Good!” She said victoriously and you laughed.

  “Hey, I gotta go. I’m meeting up with Diana and Ethan downtown for lunch,” you interjected, “apparently they’re in town for a bit.”

  “Ahh what a coincidence!” Karen said

  “Meh, not really.” You replied, shrugging to yourself, “I told them I was heading out here and I wouldn’t be surprised if they booked their tickets after i booked mine.”

  “Me either” Karen and Lucy said at the same time, chuckling afterward. Seeing them acting all dorky together made you happy that you agreed to come home. You never truly realized how much family meant to you until you didn’t have it right around the corner everyday.

xx

  On your way downtown to meet your best friends, you decided to stop at one of your favourite spots in the city, Snap Foto Club, if for no other reason than to people watch. You watched as crowds lined up in front of the various wing backdrops for their perfect Instagram shot; taking a seat on a bench just far enough away to watch all the girlfriends beg their boyfriends to take as many shots as possible of them in the bathtub full of rose petals. 

  “(Y/N))?” you heard a familiar voice call from behind you and you slowly turned your head, “I thought it was you!”

  “James?”

  “How have you been?!”

  “Good, I’m good. How about you?” It was weird to see James after all this time but he still managed to give you comfort

  “I’m good! Wow. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” He stated, “I never thought I’d see you again. You here alone?”

  “Yeah, I just stopped in to people watch before I met up with Diana and Ethan..” you smiled, “you here alone?”

  “Uhh, yeah,” he said, guiding you to a quieter area, “let’s talk for a bit. I’d love to catch up! Unless you’re in a rush?”

  “No, no. I can chat for a bit.” You replied, following his lead, “you look good, James.”

  “Thank you!” he smiled, “I’m Keto now.” You winced at his response and he laughed, “I know I know,” he shrugged, “I just.. needed a change.”

  “How’s.. Freddy? That was her name right?” you asked sheepishly

  “Good. Good, I assume” he answered and you awkwardly tried to backtrack

  “Oh. Oh god. I’m sorry, I just assumed--” you said, burying your face in your hands, “I just remember you being so.. into her.”

  “Yeah, I was,” he started, “but that was like five years ago. Things change, you know?” You nodded before fidgeting with your engagement ring, clearing your throat

  “Yeah.. they do.” You tried to come up with the words but you weren’t really sure when to say anything or how to say it. ‘Hey ex-boyfriend, I’m engaged. To the guy who you always knew I was in love with but I always tried to play it off like I wasn’t and made you feel paranoid for years... You happy for me?’

  “So how have you been? How’s Tyler?” he blurted out

  “Good. I’m good, he’s good. We’re engaged.” The words came out of your mouth so fast that they actually felt harsh and the silence lingered for only a few seconds before James laughed

  “I heard,” he admitted and you let out a sigh of relief, “congratulations. I’m really happy for you, both of you. I know how much you loved him and how much he loved you. The timing just wasn’t right then. I’m glad it is now.” You were shocked at how well he was taking everything

  “So who is she?” you said, inquisitively, positive that this sudden shift in personality was because he was in love.

  “There’s no girl” he smiled

  “Guy then?” you countered

  “No,” he chuckled, “I’m just making better choices.” You let the words just hang for a second while you thought about what that meant, not really knowing how to proceed.

  “You don’t still love me do you?” was all that came to you and he turned sharply to look at you

  “No.” he stated, “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I still think about you all the time. I’ve had the occasional dream that we were still together. I’ll probably always love you, in some way, but no. I’m not still in love with you.”

  “Good.” you said plainly, ending it with a smile

  “You’re in love without me then?” he continued, but looked straight ahead to avoid your eyes as you answered, “with him?”

  “Yeah. It hasn’t been all fairy tales and rainbows but I feel safe with him.” You replied, biting the inside of your cheek briefly before continuing, “that’s important to me. After everything I’ve been through. I like knowing that he’ll be there for me and that I get to be there for him.” He looked back at you with sorrowful eyes

  “I wish I could’ve been that for you”

  “You were. For a long time. And then you weren’t.” You said, “a lot of that was my fault. My trust issues. I don’t blame you for anything. If anything, I’m grateful for it all. Because our relationship made me understand what love is; how much compromise is actually needed.”

  “You think I’ll ever find a relationship that makes me grateful for all the shit we went through?” he joked

  “Yes. I think you’ll find the perfect person to drive crazy,” you chided, “the perfect person who makes you feel invincible. Who feels like home or Christmas or Chocolate Chip Cookies. Or whatever makes you the happiest you’ve ever been in your life.”

  “I hope you’re right”

  “Just keep doing what you’re doing. Being happy for yourself first is the best thing you can do. Everything else will fall into place when it’s supposed to.”

  “Can I ask a really.. awkward, painful question?” you winced slightly but agreed

  “Go for it”

  “When was the moment you realized it was over between us?” You thought about it for a moment; was it when he forced you to go to the police after your assault? when he cheated on you when you were on another continent? Was it when he offered an open relationship just to see his ‘mistress’?

  “Honestly,” you sighed, picking at your nail beds, “I think I realized it was over when we, both of us, stopped cuddling like we used to.”

  “What do you mean? We always cuddled?”

  “Not really. When we first got together, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and that was typical. But whenever you felt weird about my friendship with Tyler, I felt you pulling away in small ways; like cuddling for a bit and then turning away from me. Initially, I didn’t think anything of it. But when.. what happened happened, I just wanted you to be there. You know? Like I didn’t want sex or to be touched in that way but I wanted to feel like you were still close to me. But you slept in a different room or kept your distance.”

  “You didn’t want me to touch you”

  “I never said I didn’t want you to touch me. I just... It’s hard to explain. There are as many different kinds of touch like there... Pokemon..”

  “Pokemon?”

  “Just go with me. It’s the first thing that came to mind,” you laughed, “There’s the touch that’s more or less meaningless. You know, like a literal touch on the shoulder that you’d get from your parents or gym teacher when they’re proud of you or have to tell you something important -- good or bad. Then there’s the soft touch. The one that you get from the person you love that sparks something in you. Then there’s the steamy touch. The one that leads to other things. Then there’s the sweet touch. The one that calms you down and clears your head. Finally, there’s the touch that you don’t want to feel. The one that you feel before it ever even happens. Before their skin ever meets yours. The one that leaves you feeling like you’ve just been dropped into a sewer and now you’re wondering if you’ll ever stop feeling that touch.” You weren’t sure if he understood what you were saying yet, so you waited until he said something but when he didn’t, you tried to explain, “I didn’t want that ‘steamy’ touch, I wanted the sweet touch. I can’t say for sure that I would’ve accepted it right away because I might have still been too fragile. But you didn’t try. It’s all so contradictory I know. I respect that you wanted to give me my space until I was okay again but I just wanted some way to not feel so awful about myself...”

  “So that’s when you stopped loving me?” You furrowed your brow

  “What? Whoa.. no. That’s a whole other question, and a whole other answer,” you confessed, “I stopped loving you when I left...” You noticed the confusion on his face and you cleared your throat to continue, “I never stopped loving you even when I felt like I lost you, even when you cheated on me and everything else that followed. Even during our last fight when I told you I kissed Tyler and we went back and forth about how it shouldn’t have been him. You remember that fight?”

  “Yeah.. you walked out on me after I said I didn’t want you to go.” You nodded

  “I needed you to realize that you lost. But I realized in that moment that our relationship was always going to be about him in some way. So, I had to say goodbye, but I still loved you. You were the only kind of love I had known for so long and I couldn’t just ignore that but I also couldn’t ignore the fact that when I left, when I walked out that door and cried my way to my sisters place,” you said, straightening your posture, “I felt like a giant weight had been lifted. It still hurt like a bitch but I knew it was right. I never meant to hurt you. Honestly. Everything just kind of happened so quickly and I didn’t.. feel you anymore. Does that make sense?” He nodded, indicating he understood, standing up and gesturing for you to do the same. He pulled you in for a hug and you squeezed him tightly

  “You’ll always be the one that got away” he smiled against your ear

  “You’ll always be the one that taught me what love is.” He walked you out and the two of you parted ways one last time. And it finally felt like you had closure.

[fanficsaremylifeline]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Ben Parker & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Dum-E, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Ben Parker, Dummy (Iron Man movies), Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Tony Stark Additional Tags: he likes to talk, who cares if nobody answers, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) References, whump warning: fire, ironfam, Irondad, IronDaughter, spiderson Series: Part 12 of Ironfam Summary:

Not everybody Peter enjoys talking to always answers. Doesn't mean that Peter can't talk to them though.

1

“Hi, Uncle Ben”, Peter smiled, somewhat awkwardly. “Happy birthday!” He toyed around with the card he held in his hand. “Unfortunately, they didn't have any 'For the awesome Uncle, who is practically your father' , so I went straight with 'For the world's best Dad'. I mean it's true on any level except genetically. Though I'm not sure how human my genes are any more, so I guess that's even true of my parents... Sorry, I'm digressing.”

Gently, he placed the card just by the bouquet of daisies, Uncle Ben's favourite flowers. They were somewhat wilted, but Aunt May was sure to come by later, and get him a fresh one for his birthday.

“Don't tell Aunt May that I skipped school, though”, he pleaded as he sat himself down, just by the head stone. “She'll ground me from Ned, or Spidermanning, or the Avengers and that's not cool... Oh yeah, that's right, I'm an official Avenger now!”, he beamed proudly, after having made sure that nobody was around to listen in on Peter talking to his Uncle's grave. “I know, it's so cool, right? And woah, you should have seen Aunt May, when she took on Tony Stark, and made very clear that every little thing that'll happen to me, she'll make sure he'll suffer too.” Peter couldn't help but giggle at Tony's grimace. A man who didn't seem to be afraid of anything was seriously scared of Aunt May. Not that Peter could blame him for that; he'd rather go up against the Vulture again, than Aunt May when she was angry with him.

“She's alright. I know I don't have to, because she's like the most badass woman out there, but I'm still looking out for her. And she is doing good.”

There was just this big, burning thing, looming in Peter's mind. “So, this might be a little awkward, but she's seeing someone again. He works for Tony, he's a really good guy, actually. And yeah, it's plenty weird. But Aunt May says, that he's not here to replace you, or anything like that, so I guess that's something...”

Fidgeting nervously with his fingers, Peter looked down on his hands. “I'm not gonna do that, I promise”, he vowed, “I'll never forget you, and I'll always love you and as good of a guy Happy is, you'll always be my Uncle, and you'll always have that place in my heart that nobody ever can have.”

At this point, Peter wasn't sure if he assured Uncle Ben or himself. Him it definitely helped; things were sort of out in the open. It'd be so much easier though, to hear some sort of answer, get some kind of reaction. But that wasn't gonna happen, was it?

2

“What? No!”, Peter groaned and dropped to the ground. “Why, WHY?”

At his outburst, Dum-E wheeled over, looking at Peter with a somewhat tilted head. Not that he really had one, but he definitely seemed to be curious what had Peter so frustrated.

“It's not working Dum-E. Nothing is! So, you see, that thing here is supposed to light up.” He pointed at the robot he built for the science fair.

It was slightly embarrassing, Peter had worked on far more advanced projects in here, mostly with Mr Stark, but also when by himself. “And I can't just ask Mr Stark, it's way to easy.”

Dum-E followed him around the table, curiously inspecting everything Peter explained to him. “So you see, with these cables connected, it should react to my commands! Ugh.” He rolled his eyes at his own idiocy and turned to Dum-E looking at him somewhat dubiously. Great, even the robot thought Peter was an idiot.

“Don't look at me like that”, Peter made clear, pointing at him.

The way Dum-E looked up at him, with his head somewhat tilted to one side, it reminded Peter of a puppy dog, realizing that something was wrong, but not really understanding what it was.

“I'm sorry”, Peter sighed and patted the little head, “I'm just stressed and annoyed and...” He just let out a deep sigh. But, all moping wouldn't help him, so he went back to disassembling the circuitry.

“I know you're not gonna answer”, Peter eventually remarked, “but I think I'm gonna keep on talking to you.”

The beep that came from Dum-E sounded to Peter like the robot consenting to be talked to.

“Great. Alright, so the idea is that the robot can walk and follow a few simple commands. It's not like I'm creating an AI here, so it shouldn't be too complicated. I know, I know”, he hurried to say, when he felt Dum-E looking at him all funnily. “I shouldn't give too much thought to the aesthetics, but it's a damn science fair, so I'll just have to bother with that, even if the rest suffers for it.”

“Beep.”

“Come on”, Peter rolled his eyes, “that was really uncalled for.”

“Beep, beep.”

“Wow, Dum-E, there is no need for name-calling”, Peter shot back, staring the robot down, who eventually dropped his head.

“Beep.”

“Yes, of course you're forgiven.”

“Beep. Beep, beep.”

“Omigod, yes, that's it!”, Peter cried out, leaned over to press a kiss on Dum-E's head, before turning back to his own robot, where – whether by himself or with help from Dum-E – Peter had finally found the mistake.. “Thanks so much, Dum-E, you're a genius!”

3

“You full?”, Peter asked, looking down on the six months old girl, who dejectedly threw the biscuit through the room. “I guess that's a yes”, Peter snorted and repositioned her on his lap.

“So, Morgan, as your honorary older brother, it's my duty to teach you the important things in life”, he explained. “And one of these things I need to introduce you to is Brooklyn Nine Nine.”

Peter didn't even have to ask FRI to play it, Netflix opened automatically on the big TV screen. He was on his umpteenth rewatch, currently somewhere in season 1 again.

“So, that's Jake”, he explained.

“Shdkpf.”

“Yeah, he's pretty smart”, Peter agreed with her. “That's Amy.”

“Giggidgsh.”

“Exactly!”, he grinned, “he's totally into her. But he plays over it, because, well, he's a little awkward.”

“Pfffrm.”

“I'm not awkward!”

“Gskgsk.”

“Oh, that is so unfair of you to bring up”, Peter complained. “And it's totally not the same! I kept on lying to MJ to keep her safe!”

“Mmmhpff.”

“I can't believe that you would say that to me, when we both know what your Dad did for you Mum.” He looked down on Morgan who beamed up with wide eyes. “He got her an oversized stuffed bunny. I got MJ a necklace.”

“Brrrrrrrrm.”

“Thank you, Morgan. But now let's get back here. See, that's Teddy.”

“Pshhhmmm.”

“Mo! I know he's not the greatest, but we don't say words like this! Anyways, he's also into Amy. And she's kinda into him. And Jake doesn't find that so great.”

“Gshkshsga.”

“No, it's nothing like me, MJ and Brad. I don't even know where you'd get that idea. Besides, Brad doesn't even matter any more. And Teddy won't matter for too long, either.”

“Gashmmmm”

“Sorry, spoiler alert”, Peter apologized and tapped his finger on her hand, prompting her to grab it, squeeze and pull on it. “Dude, we can be happy I got superpowers, otherwise that'd probably hurt. Like a lot. You're really fierce, hey?”

“Hmmmmpf.”

“Yeah”, he beamed, “exactly like your Mummy.”

+1

The first thing Peter realized, was something or someone holding onto his hand, and a soft voice talking to him.

“How often have I told you to call me when things go pear-shaped? I'm a genius and I can't even count how high.”

That sounded a lot like Mr Stark. Why was he holding Peter's hand, and why were his eyes so heavy?

“You really are an absolute pain in my ass, Parker”, Mr Stark continued. “I mean, I'm absolutely impressed by how smart you are, by your innate desire to help people, but do you have to be so damn self-sacrificial? Remember, I got a heart condition and that shit just ain't good for me!”

A calloused thumb gently stroked the back of his hand. “Fuck”, he mumbled, “I guess I should probably tell you how awesomely you did, how you saved all the people from that burning building, but did you have to breathe in that much smoke? You're lucky you got your spider-healing, things could have looked very differently.”

Slowly, things came back to him. KAREN directed him to some office building, where a fire had broke out, trapping a bunch of people on the top floors. Peter didn't even think twice before climbing up the wall to get everybody out.

“And by the way, I'm not the only one who thinks that”, Tony made clear. “Your lovely girlfriend said something along the lines of her going to kill you if you end up dead. And Aunt Hottie... Damnit, I really should stop calling her that, especially in front of you, it's just all shades of wrong... Well, she definitely agrees with Michelle, as does Morgan. In summary, you've got three of the fiercest women on this planet on your ass.”

“That being said, I am still so proud of you. And I really am one lucky son of a bitch to have such an exasperating, snarky, pain-in-the-ass Spiderling in my life. So please, to all that's holy and good in this world, please, just please...” A deep sigh followed, before Mr Stark continued to speak: “Kid, I love you. Which means I worry so damn much. And as good as I look with grey hair, there's no need for you to give me any more of those, you got that?”

“Yeah”, Peter mumbled and squeezed the hand that was holding onto his.

“Wha...” Mr Stark jumped, clearly having thought Peter was asleep. “And how long have you been awake, mister?”

“Long enough”, he sighed, feeling himself already drifting off again. “I love you, too, Mr Stark.”

[kaypeace21]

Mike Wheeler and other queer subtext

How come no one ever talks about how just changing one word in his speech  makes what Mike said to Will sound like a marriage proposal?

“And I asked you to be my {friend} and you said yes ... you said yes. It was the best thing I’ve ever done”.

Is it just me? I mean think about all those speeches in the shed. Jonathan talks about the day their dad left (the same guy who called Will homophobic slurs) and lets be honest him thinking his son might be queer, may have been one of the reasons he left. Jonathan even mentions that ‘castle Byers’ was built after their homophobic dad left, the place where Will felt the most safe while in the upside down as he sang ‘should I stay or should I go’ was that place. He sings the same song Jonathan played for him when Lonnie didn’t show up for visitation and Jonathan told Will “He’s trying to force you to like normal things. And you shouldn’t like things because people tell you you’re supposed to ... especially not him.”

What makes Will feel safe is the antithesis of his father.Lonnie left when Jonathan was 10 so will was about 7 or 6 (maybe)? And it was on Jonathan’s 10th birthday when he was first taught how to use a gun, and was traumatized because he was forced to kill/shoot a rabbit to be “more of a man”. SO why does Will know how to shoot a gun when Lonnie wasn’t in his life at 10 years old ?! Can you imagine how much more shit he forced Will through (compared to Jonathan) if he thought he was queer and was forcing him to ‘man-up’?! 

So then, what Joyce says before Jonathan’s speech about his “rainbow ship” and “being proud” isn’t just an overt hey look Will’s lgbt+ ! Its makes narrative sense given what the family knows and we’re supposed to put 2 in 2 together.

So the fact that Mike’s speech about how they first met, is RIGHT AFTER Jonathan’s speech about their dad leaving is interesting? So let’s think about this ; WHY does Lonnie think Will is queer? Speaking from personal experience , to most straight people if you aren’t an ‘over the top stereotype’ (nothing wrong with that, by the way) no on believes you even if you say it to their face (although that may be more of a queer women problem, but I digress.) My point is Mike met Will at age 5, BEFORE Lonnie left. And I sort of gather that Will & Mike were probably very close (especially because they probably weren’t taught yet what was considered normal-friendship behavior), and Lonnie got suspicious about how close they were. In other words, Mike was the literal catalyst for Lonnie leaving! I mean if as teens, they are still more affectionate than what the 80s  deemed ‘acceptable’ who knows how they acted before being conditioned to be told what was considered ‘wrong’ and ‘not wrong’.

Essentially these stories tell us a chronological order of events: Mike and Will meet. Lonnie gets suspicious of their bond and his abuse escalates as he tries to ‘fix his’ “queer, fag” son, but he eventually gives up and leaves . Joyce even says  “You never cared about him” (because he wasn’t straight), when she learns Lonnie wasn’t mourning for Will’s death but simply using him to make a quick buck. However, Will  feels safer and happier without such a toxic individual in his life and his mom does everything to make up for the damage he’s caused- as she tries to support her son’s sexuality  .

Will and Mike being ‘suspiciously’ close actually makes a lot of sense if you look at what other characters say about the 2 in season 1. When Will went missing in s1 , Mike’s mom said “ What’s been going on with Will, I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. I just ... want you to feel like you can talk to me. I never want you to feel like you have to HIDE anything from me” (she even emphasizes the word ‘hide” it’s so heavily queer-coded and it makes me feel like she suspects something because she was around to see the interactions between the 2 we never did).

Even his dad jokes “Absolutely not” *turns to wife* “our son with a girl?”. If you rewatch the scene Karen doesn’t make eye contact and literally freezes at the comment and blinks rapidly (She’s clearly uncomfortable). Bisexuality wasn’t really something people believed in so it’d be kind of funny to think Mike’s parents thought he would turn out to be gay the whole time because of his interactions with Will.

Also, how come no one talk about that binder? You know the binder (from s1) that Mike keeps, filled with 100s of Will’s drawings. Think about that! Will has been giving his drawings to Mike for years! And Mike not only accepts them but treasures them so much he keeps every single picture Will’s ever given him . When Will is believed to be dead, we see Mike look through the whole binder, he even gently strokes the drawing of the cleric, probably thinking he’ll never get another pic from Will again. Also when Will ‘dies’, “we can be heroes” by David bowie (a bisexual singer) plays,  there’s no romantic lyrics in the song except one lyric “And we kiss as though nothing could fall and the shame” and this is the lyric that plays when Mike returns to his house and cries in his mother’s arms over the ‘death’ of Will. Do I have to explain how ‘kissing and shame’ are queer-coded XD

Hell, even when Lucas makes fun of his crush on EL, Lucas gets down on one knee  and says “ I love you so much, will you marry me?” and literally 1s later, we’re introduced to the bullies and the idea that will is ‘gay’, and Mike is in the forefront of the scene and unlike his friends he is physically assaulted (like a gay-bashing) . It’s supposed to subconsciously hint he has feelings for both of them. The first interaction with the bullies, they mention Will being ‘gay’ right after they mention Mike’s crush on androgynous El , Mike says to “ignore them” but is assaulted anyways. And when asked what happed he doesn��t want to tell El the details cause he’s ashamed . 2nd time the bullies talk about Will, Mike is once again in the forefront , as his friends are in the background , and the bullies say Will is “flying in fairyland with all the other little fairies”. Mike was literally on the verge or tears at this comment (despite being happy a few moments earlier telling the others to ‘act sad’ because they’d look suspicious other wise). But this is the comment where Mike snaps and pushes Troy back (because he took it personally) and El protects him in the end. Then the last time the bullies appear , Mike jumps off the cliff and “flies like a fairy” thanks to El saving him . Nancy even says says “I thought you were acting weird, but I thought it was because of Will” And Mike responds “I thought you were acting weird too I thought it was because of Steve ... Do you like Jonathan now”?” Nancy: “No, do you like Eleven?”. They literally compared the explicit love triangle between Steve/Nancy/Jonathan to the Will-Mike-El dynamic!

And since this devolved into me talking about the Duffers making Mike bi since the very beginning. Lets not forget when El was in her wig , he called her “pretty” and she looks at the mirror happily restating the word “pretty”. And after she lost her wig and broke Troy’s arm, at the police station he says “ Her head’s shaved she doesn’t even look like a girl”. And in the same episode, El looks in the mirror sadly and asks Mike “Still pretty?” And he say “Yeah, pretty, really pretty.” And they almost kiss! Note that 3 separate characters said El looked like a boy, but Mike doesn’t care he still wanted to kiss her! Even one of the men thought El might be the missing ‘Byers boy’. I’m not saying Mike has a thing for quiet-brunettes with super powers, and daddy-issues but ... wait that’s exactly what I’m saying. XD

I mean in season 1 when El asks him the difference between friends and crushes, Mike literally uses gender inclusive pronouns by using the word “someone” (3 times), and embarrasses himself because he can’t articulate the difference. When he could of simply given the 80s heteronormative  answer of ‘when a boy likes a girl’. 

Mike: “ you go to school dances with someone. You know someone that you like”

 El: “a friend?”

Mike: ‘not a friend uh ... uh someone like a” (gives up and kisses her)

And I mean the dance- we’d be here all day with all the hints! But, Will’s first instinct when asked to dance with a girl (who’s wearing a rainbow hairclip)  is to look at mike and say “I.. uh, don't”, and then after Mike forces him you literally see Mike’s shocked expression like  ‘what. why’d I do that ?’ After this, they show Dustin looking sad about Max/Lucas dancing and then they have Mike get into the frame (next to Dustin) and look sad when Will/girl are dancing in the same exact frame as Max/Lucas. They have 2 scenes of Mike moping - one where he's moping about El (and she shows up immediately to convey he was thinking about her) and another moping scene of him just looking at Will dancing with a girl.

Sorry for the rant but there’s just SO much subtext, a lot of which I didn’t even mention (like all the scenes that directly parallel byler and mileven ) and I’m really curious about what will happen between the 3 in later seasons, I want it to be July and until we get a teaser or something I’m going to bother people with content 😂  

[precuredaily]

Precure Day 157

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 09 - “Precure is Exposed!?” Date watched: 19 October 2019 Original air date: 1 April 2007 Screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/1yYupZl Project info and master list of posts: http://tinyurl.com/PCDabout

five girls are friends, more on page 2

In the Futari wa seasons, people typically fell unconscious whenever evil was around, and the girls didn’t usually have to worry about being discovered. There was that notable exception in FW14, but it’s been largely glossed over. In this show, though, the activities of the Precures and Nightmare have attracted attention (in fact that’s how Karen and Komachi got involved), and the sudden and kind of unusual friendship between the girls has not gone unnoticed. What’s a nosy reporter to do?

The Plot

The girls find themselves as the subject of several headlining articles in the school newspaper, commenting on everything from their eating habits to their mysterious friendship. The paper’s editor introduces herself and her slogan: “What the people want to know, I want to know!” She gives her name as Masuko Mika, but puns it into “Masukomi-ka” which is shorthand for mass communications.

When the girls can’t give her straight answers about why they’re friends, she decides to further investigate. After school one day, she sees them leaving the school with Mr. Cocoda, but he disappears suddenly. She follows the group to Natts House, where Coco and Nuts are hanging out as fairies, so there appears to be nobody tending the store. She’s still suspicious as she leaves the shop, when she runs into Arachnea, believing her to be the shop owner. Arachnea kidnaps her due to her relationship with the girls, planning to use her as collateral to get the Dream Collet. They chase the villain into an empty department store, but the girls are afraid to transform in front of Mika and give away their identities. Undeterred, Mika tries to question Arachnea and get a picture of her.

Annoyed, Arachnea transforms the camera into a Kowaina. Mika finds an opening to escape her grip, and the girls transform when she’s not looking. She watches them fight and defeat the monster, rescuing her camera, and she tries to interview them afterwards but all they say is that they’re called Pretty Cure, and then they disappear. Mika heads back to Natts Shop, confident that something bizarre is going on and the five girls are involved, but she runs into Nuts in his human form. She asks if he saw the girls go by, and he responds simply that there are some things she shouldn’t know. Mika is taken aback by his attractiveness and quickly agrees.

The next day at school, the girls are nervously expecting a story about them in the newspaper, but instead, the headlining article and most of the front page are taken up with pictures of Nuts, described as a “super hottie”, with only a small, pictureless blurb about “five mysterious girls” at the very bottom of the page. Their secret is safe.... for now.

The Analysis

Since this episode is about Mika, my response to it pretty much reflects my thoughts on her. Masuko Mika is a fun character. Her desire to find out the truth is commendable, and she does ask some good questions, but her methods are a little misguided. She rides the line between investigative journalist and paparazzo, sneaking candid pictures of her targets in order to get a scoop. Unfortunately, these photos are mostly of our heroines engaging in such compromising activities as “having lunch” and “hanging out.” Even Otaka is like “Why don’t you find something else to write about?” She is a curious character. Snooping around Natts House gets her kidnapped by Arachnea but even then she tries to question the villain up until the moment she sees she’s in over her head. She is so committed to figuring out why Nozomi and the others are hanging out, and who Precure are, and then..... she sees Nuts. Nuts suggests she forget everything and so he becomes her muse, the subject of almost all her writing. Precure and the mysterious occurrences at the school are relegated to a small corner of the paper. It’s good for the team, but it doesn’t speak too highly of the paper’s journalistic quality or her diligence as the chief. (Honestly though, I don’t recall ever seeing any other members of the newspaper club in this show, it is entirely possible it’s just her running a glorified gossip rag.) Mika says that she writes about what the people want to know, and I guess that’s true: Nuts will prove to be a very popular figure at this all-girls school, but it’s funny/a little frustrating to see her so easily distracted. However, this will not be her last appearance, not by a long shot, and she’s fondly remembered.

I would be remiss to ignore, however, that Mika has a point. Nozomi has surrounded herself with an unlikely group of high-profile friends, but while Precure was certainly a big factor in them coming together, it wasn’t just that, and someone could probably spin a version of events while leaving out their secret identities. Nozomi and Rin were already friends before the show started and we know they go back to their youth. Nozomi became friends with Urara when she saw her sitting alone all the time and decided to talk to her. Karen and Komachi are a little more complicated, because they only began speaking when Nozomi decided they should become Precures, but nonetheless Nozomi took a genuine interest in Komachi’s writing and in Karen’s overall well-being. She supported and sympathized with them, and earned their respect and companionship as a result. Being Precures isn’t the only thing that brings them all together, they’re actually friends, and I’m glad the show spent the time that it did establishing this. Unfortunately, Nozomi’s people skills don’t put her in the same league of notoriety as the others, which results in Mika and many others wondering what these school superstars are doing with her. I don’t think outsiders ever fully recognize Nozomi’s strength of character throughout the series.

This episode is another worldbuilding episode, much like episode 7 was and like episode 10 will be. There isn’t much going on with Nightmare, just the usual threats that failure to get the Dream Collet will be met with some form of punishment. Since the bad guys only win on key episodes, and this isn’t the type of show where they make progress towards their goal whether they win or not, it’s starting to feel a little repetitive. It just serves to show how disorganized Nightmare really is, though. Later on, we’ll see how far they take the business concept, it isn’t always Bunbee smugly threatening his employees, while being smugly threatened himself by Kawarino, but that’s a lot of the early part of the show.

There is some truly bad art in this episode. Most times that the girls are shown in full body where they occupy about two-thirds of the frame height or less, they go wildly off model.

The faces get extremely sloppy, with their eyes usually being stretched vertically while their other features are minimized. Nozomi’s hair especially gets drawn as more prominent than it normally is. Their bodies seem kind of elongated, but aside from a lack of shading they’re otherwise fine. Also, there are shots where someone’s movement is just the cell sliding across the frame, not even being moved up or down to indicate the slight bob of walking. I’ll get some gifs to demonstrate shortly. It’s not awful overall, but there is definitely a hint that it’s a less important episode.

Last point of note, Pretty Cure Splash Subs, whose translations were the basis of both Splash Star and this series (the versions I’m using anyway), were a little notorious for sticking some modern jokes, references, and sayings into their scripts, such as “you mad bro” and “a cat is fine too.” Well, this episode gave us this:

I generally don’t like meme translations, because memes and internet jokes come and go pretty fast and they can date a show hardcore. That being said, if this saying was around at the time, it’s exactly the sort of thing a contemporary kid would say. I looked it up the history  of “POIDH” and it was just starting to spread at this point, so it’s arguably appropriate. (but I still hate it) Obviously this isn’t a criticism of the series itself, and I’m not going to let it impact my perception, but I do find it a bit annoying that this (and several examples yet to come) made it in at all.

Next time, we get to focus on someone a little closer to home, as Nuts discovers that running a shop is hard when you don’t have any customers. Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 1 Kettei!

[alleiradayne]

An Update

It’s been a millennia since I wrote anything. I know I don’t owe anyone any writing (technically, I do, but that’s a different story, no pun intended). But I wanted to keep my followers in the know.

I have been up to my eyeballs in the dumbest fucking shit lately and I’m not even talking about COVID-19. My work sucks. The only good thing about it is that my team, the immediate people I work with on the regular, are awesome. But I need to get out soon. The actual work itself is fucking soul-sucking and I hate it. I get very little downtime, which is a major contributor to why I haven’t written much lately. Not because I don’t have the free time at work like I used to, but because I don’t have the mental, emotional, creative, or physical energy to commit to writing when I get home.

My daughter is 16 months old. That’s all I need to say about her (she’s wonderful, but a handful).

I’ve been reading way more lately in an effort to relieve stress.

God damn Minecraft.

I had sinus surgery in December and while the recovery was short, the surgery did not achieve the intended results. I still have major allergy symptoms without being allergic to anything. I was sick with sinus infections for the better part of two months and was only finally feeling sort of back to normal before right before I went to Vegas. Now I’m dealing with severe seasonal allergies after the snow melted here.

But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. What has really irritated me lately is this pile of bullshit:

Google as the monolith it is shouldn’t fucking exist. It’s too convenient to get embedded in all their services such that, when one of them breaks, you’re cut off from all of their services. This story is long and convoluted. I’ll do my best to keep it succinct (I’ve already failed, I know).

Back in January, my primary Google account was compromised. After piecing together the crazy puzzle of what happened, I determined that someone obtained my Google account password, logged into the Google Store with it, and made two fraudulent purchases using two different payment methods (PayPal and my credit card, both of which were saved to my Google Pay profile under this primary email account) equaling a very large sum of money (like $4k).

My credit card company, bless their corrupt little souls, texted me immediately about the VERY expensive charge for the second order and I freaked out. I didn’t get any emails confirming these orders because the fuckers that hacked my Google account (I suspect Google had a data breach because they skipped all two-factor authentication I had enabled and I never received any notification of my account being accessed like I normally do) put a filter on my Gmail inbox to mark all Google Store emails as Opened (or Read) and to immediately toss them into the trash. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200.

I immediately resolved these fraudulent charges with disputes. They never even hit my credit card (which was canceled and I was issued a new one) or my bank account (PayPal). Google, however, sucks at this shit. The first purchase was made at 4:30 AM. I never saw it until later that night. Once an hour has passed after a purchase has been made from Google’s store, they cannot cancel it. How fucking ridiculous is that?

So Google Support said to just refuse the FedEx packages. I rerouted them to a FedEx drop location because I didn’t want anyone to steal them off my front step (because that’s what I suspected the scam was all along, why else have them delivered them to my fucking house?) The first package arrived, I went to the drop location which was a Walgreen's, and I told the cashier that I needed to refuse the package and have FedEx return it to the sender. I said this several times to the person helping me. But then she had me sign the FedEx scanner and when I went to leave, she pushed the box to me and said, “You don’t want it?”

It gets worse.

While I felt dumb for signing for the package, when the second package came in the next day, I also signed their scanner but it was to actually refuse the package. I don’t know why that’s how it worked, but it did. 

Package 1: Accepted. Package 2: Refused.

This is important.

During this time, my Google Pay profile under my primary Google account was placed on a temporary freeze. But on February 10th, once everything had been returned (FedEx managed to get the first package returned, I have the tracking numbers, it made it), my Pay profile had been reactivated.

Which was really great because my Play Music and HBO subscriptions had lapsed. So I immediately renewed them.

Problem solved, right?

Wrong.

I tried buying a movie before I flew to Vegas and got a very similar error that I’d seen previously when my account had originally been frozen at the end of January due to the fraudulent charges.

Through several Support chats and getting the run around, I come to find that my Pay profile has been permanently closed because I violated the Google Pay Terms of Service. And that Google’s policy is to not discuss the details of the issue with anyone. And I cannot close that Pay profile and create a new one under that same Google account because it’ll just get flagged and closed again.

While pissed, I resolved to fix it after Vegas because I didn’t have the capacity to handle it while prepping for that trip.

I get back and the problem still exists. A part of me hoped it would just go away. So over the last week I went back and forth with Google Pay support on what the fuck is going on with my pay account. Several times they repeated the same thing to me: account is closed due to violation of ToS, can’t discuss it with you per our policy. Great.

During that time, I noticed that I had like, $200 worth of Google Store credit on my account because of the packages I had unintentionally accepted (I had previously signed up for Google One so I could offload some storage to their cloud, and as a part of that Google One sub, they offer a percent of Google Store purchases as Google Store credit). So I wanted to see if I could actually use it. I kinda figured they’d take the $200 back seeing as that the charge never processed. When I tried to buy something, I finally got an error that said my Pay profile had been closed for violating the ToS.

The Narrator: Can you put that in a folder and label it “Shit I Already Know”?

I filed a complaint with the Attorney General of Minnesota because Google was not allowing me to do anything to resolve the issue. Every email response I sent was met with a similar response of “we’ve reviewed your account and we’ve determined it must remain closed”. I went Full Karen™ on Google Pay support and threatened them with legal action if they did not tell me what the fuck I did to violate their ToS. That was last Thursday.

After a few more emails over the weekend (only like, two), I suddenly received  a response at 6am today stating that my Google Pay profile had been reactivated.

I resubscribed to HBO and Play Music without issue. (I did, however, create another mess with Google Family sharing, but that’s a different story, although very much related to and caused by this one, and I won’t get into it here).

When I checked my Pay profile, the $200 in Google Store credit had been removed. I think they finally checked the tracking numbers on those two orders that I sent back and realized I had actually sent them back instead of defrauding them by making a purchasing, rejecting the charge, keeping the package, and pocketing the $200 in-store credit like they probably assumed.

I also think Google might have a big data breach mess on their hands right now. Change your passwords regularly folks!

TLDR: I’m tired. :)

[karenpage]

There’s a lot to unpack with the kastle episode, so this is my best attempts to articulate my thoughts regarding it. There are, of course, spoilers below the cut but I tried to keep my discussion to only that of Karen and Frank’s interaction (with mentions of the first episode for obvious reasons). This is just my take away, I’ll write more about the season as a whole at a later point.

But yes. The Punisher season 2, episode 11: The Abyss.

Okay. First and Foremost, you can tell the writers were strapped for time, that they might’ve had a larger role for Karen/Deb if she wasn’t busy filming dds3, which sort of makes me bitter because by and far Lightfoot has treated her character better when she’s on screen in the Punisher, but I digress.

We open up on Frank, beaten 99% to death which isn’t new to any long time fan of the show- but there’s something different. Something broken in him that we haven’t seen before and I’ll be the first to admit, it’s as unsettling as it is upsetting. Watching Frank, who has persisted through the worst of the worst, who has conquered unimaginable hurt and grief, be so willing to give up.. Ready to die in way that’s more a sense of him deserving it, rather than a byproduct of the life he’s chosen to live.

It’s all over the news, the radio announcing ‘the Punisher in police custody at the hospital’, and then we cut to Karen toting the sixth amendment and strong-arming her way past the heavy police protection surrounding Frank.

A direct, obvious, and intentional parallel to when they first met.

Frank’s tied to the bed, the setup is similar to that of dds2, visually. But Karen pulls a chair up to his bedside and she waits.

We don’t have any context for time, as for how long she’s there while he’s unconscious but something I’ve read in 10,000 fanfics winded me the moment he woke up. He was having a nightmare, saw the same vision he’d seen of Maria and the kids and then heard a hail of gunfire and screamed when he woke. Karen was there. Soothing him. Comforting him. And she grabbed his hand with both of hers.

Two hands.

It’s hard to watch as Frank relives their deaths, talks, at length about the day his family died and major kudos to Jon Bernthal, yet again, delivering a monologue that ripped my heart out and spat on it (not dissimilar to the speech at the graveyard in dds2 eps4), but Karen’s there every step of the way. She’s quiet, and supportive, and everything he needed in that moment because Frank’s grappling with something big and ugly.

He thinks he accidentally killed some women in a shoot-out with Billy Russo and his gang, they were innocent bystanders, and that circles back to what he’d been dreaming about. About his entire identity as the Punisher, and why he feels like he deserves to die.

‘Now I’m the monster’, GOD, let’s be real for one second. Kastle notwithstanding? That Shit HURTED the emotions evoked with a single sentence, with tears in his eyes and a trembling lip. I Don’t Think I’ll Ever Recover.

But Karen outright refuses to believe that. Denies that Frank deserves to die and she knows something’s up. Because Karen’s pursuit of the truth continues to be a cornerstone in their relationship. There’s some uh … Questionable Writing that I think they meant to use as comic relief but it just came across as gross (like some scenes in the season, the implied humor falls flat in the face of glaring and problematic issues), but, the effect is that she and Madani discover that it was meant to look like Frank killed those women, but Billy had executed them beforehand.

He wanted Frank to suffer. He knew that that’s a wound he’d struggle to heal from when they could only do so much damage to him physically (without killing him, and Billy didn’t want that).

Now, at this point, Frank’s TRIED to have a ‘normal life’ (time to segue into that real quick, because I have to break down episode one even if I’d rather claw out my eyes). Now, I firmly believe that he was doing what he did, behaving as he had because he doesn’t know how to heal. Frank’s never had the after. He says so himself in the end of season one. He’s scared. Where does he go? How does he navigate a life that no longer resembles his own? That’s a lot for a person to do by himself but Frank is headstrong, stubborn, and so he does it anyway.

PTSD (especially recurring, horrific trauma) can make people act… differently to say the least. One of the things associated with losing children, losing family, is that there’s no measure on how to cope with it. Frank saw a chance to feel normal and he took it, but he did himself (and Beth) a disservice. He’s a damaged man, and he was bound to bring all that accompanies it, to her doorstep. I’m not a fan of episode one but, surprisingly, it’s not that Frank hooks up with someone. Not that Frank tries to ground himself in a stranger, carve out a bit of an after. Which, again, people with PTSD don’t know how to open up to the people closest to them because they have the most to lose. If that person/those people can’t see through the fog of his struggle, the loss of them would be catastrophic. It’s infinitely easier to do that with a stranger. You have nothing to lose if they walk away.

My issue was him having sex with a woman named Beth, (his late wife being Maria Elizabeth) and that in the sex scenes they CONSTANTLY hone in on the wedding ring he’s wearing around his neck and he has flashbacks and it’s strange and mildly upsetting? It feels a bit like they were trying to show that Frank’s projecting (which he is) but they went about it all wrong from a narrative standpoint. And then, again, she gets shot - at least she doesn’t die, that would’ve solidified all of my fears - but that pain, that visual is still a raw wound for Frank and it’s what sets him back on the path of being the Punisher, with Amy by his side.

OKAY. BACK TO KASTLE. I have some issues with the scenes, but, again, I think it’s more based on the storytelling (which I’ll address at the end, independently), overall I just.. I love them deeply and profoundly but it definitely hurt to see Karen admit her feelings (again) and be rebuffed (again). NOT because Frank doesn’t feel the same way, not because, in an ideal world, Frank wouldn’t want to be with Karen. But because he doesn’t think he deserves it. He doesn’t think he gets to have a happy ending, period, which is stereotypical of a protagonist in the middle of their hero’s journey (we saw the same shit with Matt Murdock).

Karen straight up said she doesn’t want Matt. That she wants Frank (even if that means wanting and loving the Punisher too - which is new. Karen can’t deny who he is and I don’t think she’s trying to any longer). She told him to give loving someone other than a war, a chance (her. Love her, Frank. Choose her.) and watching her open herself up… pour out the contents of her heart only for him to give nothing (in that moment) in return??? That Shit Hurted 2.0. BUT, him saying ‘he doesn’t want that’, in reference to life with her, where they try together. Is just a continuation of the same thread they’ve shared from the get-go.

Frank continuing to push away the people he cares about most (Curtis, Karen, hell even Madani in the end), while they hold onto him tighter for it. That’s a pretty poignant and reoccurring theme in Marvel’s Netflix; that the heroes detach themselves. Think they don’t get a life like everybody else, and then have to get slapped in the face by the persistence of the people that love them.

He thanks her. That she waited by his bedside for him to wake up and was there for him when he did. He thanks her and there’s something broken in that, too. Like it’s him trying to say goodbye but he can’t find the words just right.

So Karen tells him to show her. AND MY HEART ! FUCKING ! STOPPED ! My gut knew we wouldn’t get a kiss, but this was clearly intended to be one, and Amy’s interruption is a semi-colon. It’s not their end. Just the middle. Which leads me to believe that, should we get a season three, Karen will continue to play a significant part in Frank’s life and they’ll take advantage of the fact that she’s no longer filming Daredevil, and her availability won’t be nearly as limited. Lightfoot and Jon both confirmed that they’d want more and more of her, always.

My take away: They are in love. They confessed it. It was as heartfelt and sad, as beautiful and ugly, as any of their scenes have ever been (And likely will be), but it didn’t feel like an end because it wasn’t. It’s ‘not right now’, if Frank had kissed her, if they’d pushed through and tried to be together then, it just wouldn’t work.

He’s in the middle of his story. That means there’s growth and learning yet to come and Karen deserves more than where he’s at, now. (Doesn’t stop me from writing a fuck ton of fanfic about it, though). He has to learn how to co-exist with the two halves of himself, and that’s something that needs to be done without throwing romance into the mix (but he really shouldn’t be alone, he should get help, and I really fucking hope they touch on that in season 3).

Karen’s also a big girl. She can make her choices and is fully aware of what they mean. I didn’t like that she was hurt, again, by someone she loves, again, and at the end of the day, Karen Page deserves to be loved deeply and entirely and Frank just can’t be that person right now. That doesn’t mean never (what’s the point of telling their story if it ended like that? Lightfoot might be on thin fucking ice but he wouldn’t do Karen OR Frank dirty like that).

The Punisher was written in three parts, the beginning, the middle, and the end (much like every other story, ever). Middle installments tend to be the most poorly received, which isn’t an issue in film franchises because of the revenue stream attached, but it DOES mean shows struggle in their Sophomore years. I like to use ‘The Empire Strikes Back’ as a point of reference, because it was almost universally hated upon release, and is now a cherished part of a dynastic film franchise. People cannot tell a story, or understand it, with only two acts of a three-part play so it can come off strangely, or the general tone can feel ‘off’, because there isn’t active resolution and we’re left with just as many questions as we entered with.

Ultimately, we need a season three to see how this plays out, (we DESERVE one, and a kiss, goddammit), but if this is where it ends. If this is the last time we see Karen and Frank, at least it’s ended knowing they’re in love, that it’s an indisputable fact of canon that cannot be ignored. Whatever that means going forward, we as a fan base can figure out in our own writing, conjecture, and in the beauty of all they’ve shared up until this point.

I am so profoundly happy with what we got, the tone of the season and everything else notwithstanding. I have issues, yes, of course, I do, but I’ve waited well over a year to see them share a screen and this is what my sleep-deprived brain could make of it.

Thank you all for reading, xo.