#the same as one red lobster biscuit (one!!!)

[the-bluestreak-cat]

Listen man. Counting calories makes me stupid anxious and more likely to gain back

[goqmir]

if you want to be a chef in this day and age you have to want to fuck the food. it used to be that you could get away with just desiring food-related sex-- in western saloons in the late 1800s, for instance, there were often gouges in the floorboards leading from the cook's favorite lovemaking bedroom in the inn to the nightly spot laid out for the salad bar trolley. Now, though, you have to have sexual urges about the food itself. If you don't, you will be easily outclassed by those overworked bakers who stop for condoms on the way home after they score some extra jelly-filled pastries from work, or the Michelin star chefs who have hours of mac and cheese stirring ASMR saved in a YouTube playlist. They simply want the food more than you do. Every chef with a decent career in the fine dining world has that not-so-hidden secret. If you can afford it, expensive dishes usually have wonderful texture-- just ask Gordon Ramsey and his fridge full of crab puffs-- but if you can't, I would recommend first starting out with something affordable you can easily keep on hand, with little preparation time and a decent texture. Of course, not all beginning chefs follow this advice-- a lot of dedicated chefs attempt to start fucking the food after learning about this subculture, leading to an alarming number of juice fetishists in the sous chef workforce. Unfortunately, many learn too late that you need substance in your food-- some decent texture to rub against-- or you won't get the same experience with food you need in the industry. By that time, of course, the juice kink has set in-- if you see a sous chef pouring apple cider into a pot of mac and cheese, you don't have to ask what it's adding to the flavor profile. A lot of popular picks are easy to reheat in the microwave, not quick to perish, and give a decent enough texture to be satisfying. A common pick is simply bread; filled donuts offer a pleasant pocket and satisfying orgasms; muffins are thick enough where working a hole from its bottom to its top is not only possible, but expected; almost all of the kitchen staff at Red Lobster leaves for the night with a few extra-soft biscuits in their bags. Others have more interesting taste: melty cheeses, the pointiest carrots and pineapples, the claws of lobsters, the most decadent helpings of whipped-cream topped parfaits. This all works fine for a number of years, until you notice your skill as a chef starting to plateau. Many chefs simply stay in this zone, as well enough preparers living happy lives at good jobs. But the best chefs, the headliners, those who prepare the best meals the world has to offer... they take it to the next level. They spend a good, long time preparing the dish they are covering in their cum up to four nights a week. Hours of baking, broiling, dirtied pots and pans. The food preparation is like foreplay, one of the most creative parts of sex and cooking alike. A good chef gets hotter with the pasta in the pot, sizzles along with the eggs in the pan, finds themselves on edge with each slice of the potato into the crock. Until finally, hours into the night, cock hard like a lamppost, after dicking down that beautifully prepared pasta frittata since the sun was still up, they orgasm all across its gorgeous pasta fillings and creamy cheesey insides and finally Understand food. After learning all of this, you may be tempted to go down to your neighborhood spot and ask the chef what they do to deepen the connection between themselves and their meals. Of course, if the neighborhood spot happens to be a bar, you'll probably actually have a line cook-- where instead, you should probably ask what they like most about putting their cigarettes out on twinks.

[hasufin]

Recipe sins

We're all familiar with the online recipe which consists of 87 pages of some awful story about the author's supposed relationship with their grandmother and how important this food is to them, yada yada, and you have to scroll through all of it, close 18 popups, and maybe eventually get to the recipe.

But I'm thinking other sins in the recipes themselves which ought be banned, or at least consign the recipe writer to 18 days of eating nothing but dry cereal. Sins like:

Calling for multiple fresh ingredients which cannot all be acquired at the same time. Yes, I'm sure your tomato-strawberry-basil salad is a lovely thing. But tomatoes are a late summer/early fall thing, while strawberries are in the spring. The produce shipping industry thanks you.

Using trivial amounts of obscure ingredients which are only sold in large quantities. That tablespoon of pomegranate molasses surely brings the barbecue sauce together, but I've never seen the stuff sold in anything less than 300ml quantities.

A recipe which was obviously scaled up or down and never tested. It's cute that this is actually what Red Lobster uses to make 8 dozen biscuits, but when you scale it down you may observe that eggs do not come in halves.

When different parts of the recipe are not on the same scale. I do not know what magic makes you believe that 2 cups of dough will hold 12 cups of filling, but I guess I'm going to be doing something else with all this ravioli filling, aren't I?

Made entirely to look good in pictures but allergic to spices, apparently. For some reason this is a particular flaw of vegan recipes. Herbs and spices are vegan and do not contain calories. Food does not have to taste like cardboard to be healthy.

Ingredients ambiguous as to whether they should be cooked or uncooked. This especially happens with grains: 1 cup rice: cooked? Uncooked?

Wildly underrepresenting the cook times. No, onions cannot be caramelized in ten minutes. Well, they can if you're using a closed timelike curve in a Lorentzian Manifold, but those are not found in a typical home kitchen.

Randomly calling for an ingredient in a step without listing it in the ingredients list. I will forgive you for water, but nothing else.

Clustering steps into long and ridiculous paragraphs. No, the step cannot be "Cream the butter with the sugar, then combine, alternating the milk and dry ingredients. Scrap into a prepared loaf pan and bake in a preheated oven until a toothpick comes out clean." That's at least three steps, hon.

Including ingredients which were not using in the instructions. If it's in the list, it's supposed to be used!

Using stock photos for your result. No, seriously, this is a thing they do. And the people who do this should have an eye removed for doing so.

Substituting a different and unusable ingredient because you assume your audience won't be able to find the thing you used in your home country. Yes, I get it, sahlab powder is a lovely thickening agent. And cornstarch is a lovely thickening agent. The two are not the same, and you cannot substitute one for the other.

I'm sure there are others, but these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Some online recipes just... won't work. And it's really frustrating.

[nickgerlich]

Catch Of The Day

There are times when I must deviate slightly from the topic at hand, because there is a story so compelling it must be told. Today’s blog is a perfect example of this, and I hope you find inspiration in it. Oh, and maybe you can find a kernel of consumer behavior to harvest from it as well. As far as I am concerned, pretty much everything we talk about in business can ultimately be tied to our consuming ways, even if it’s a bit of a stretch.

So…how many of you have eaten at a Red Lobster? I visualize a lot of hands going up. As crazy as it sounds, a casual restaurant chain featuring seafood really can make it, even in places like Amarillo, 700 miles from open water. Detail, details. That’s why we have freezers and airplanes, right?

Heck, they could have made those cheese biscuits the main menu item, and just sold them. Let’s see a show of hands from those who have nearly eaten themselves sick on just these.

Red Lobster started in Lakeland Florida in March 1968, but the chain fell upon hard times the last decade, dying a very slow death. Or, if you want a more fitting metaphor, it was foundering on the beach like a whale that lost track of the water. For many years, the Darden Company, owner of Olive Garden, Longhorn Steakhouse, Cheddar’s, Bahama Breeze, and more, owned it, but they presciently sold it in 2014, which then saw Red Lobster start to go into a tailspin.

The company ultimately wound up in the hands of Thai Union Group, an international seafood distributor who thought that vertical business integration would provide it with a guaranteed customer for its foods. It’s just that they didn’t know as much about the restaurant business as they did the wholesale side.

While there were many things contributing to Red Lobster’s decline, it was the unlimited shrimp promotion that probably took the water out of its gills. By offering an endless supply of an expensive item for only $20, they thought they could entice customers. Oh, they did, alright. It’s just that offering endless shrimp is not at all like offering all-you-can eat spaghetti, which is cheap. They were losing money on many customers, who sometimes would eat 60 of the little crustaceans. Consumers are funny like that.

Bankruptcy, here we come. About 100 stores were shuttered, leaving the chain with 545 units.

But unknown to everyone at the time was a young restaurant CEO who started making quiet, unannounced visits to Red Lobsters across the country. Damola Adamolekun would go in, and start keeping track of everything, like if there was a host, how long he waited for a table, how long his food took to arrive, etc. It was almost like he was a secret shopper. Except he wasn’t. He was the former CEO of PF Chang, the upscale Asian fusion chain, and most recently head of operations with another major restaurant concept firm. Oh, and he’s only 35 years old.

Along the way, he observed what was working and what wasn’t. And although details are sketchy, he and the company became acquainted, so much so that they lured him away to become their new CEO. Did I say that he’s only 35? Oh yeah, I did. But that’s the main part of the inspiration.

Today, a new owner is poised to take the reins of Red Lobster, and Adamolekun is ready to start making strategic moves to right this ship. In a recent podcast episode of The Journal, he outlined his plans. He gives himself a year to make all the necessary changes, and hopes to start showing the fruits of his efforts in the second year, an ambitious plan to save a company that truly was—and still is—in a world of hurt. Do give a listen to that pod, because it’s a great one, and is only 18 minutes of your day. Be like your prof and listen while working out.

As for the new Red Lobster, you can kiss that unlimited shrimp deal away. While he plans to still offer value meals, they won’t be the kind that bleed cash. That same shrimp deal also caused major problems in the kitchen, with so much focus on one item that it cost them efficiencies in other areas. Furthermore, erratic staffing and wage scales that did not match local conditions further hurt the firm. He plans to change all that.

And who is this Adamolekun? He’s Nigerian-born to a neurologist and pharmacist, and was educated at Harvard. He has lived in Zimbabwe, the Netherlands, Springfield Illinois, and Columbia Maryland. Not bad for such a young man of the world. While some may think he was born into advantage—I do envy his lineage—he still represents the dreams of every young business student I have ever met. Can you imagine being CEO of PF Chang at the age of 30?

I can’t even. And he is credited with turning that company around. It’s no surprise that Adamolekun is viewed as a miracle worker. He’s got the Midas touch.

Let’s see how that touch works at Red Lobster. A lobster’s claws can wield crushing force, but he is intent not to let that happen to him. Remember, he went looking at them on the sly earlier this year, long before his new gig materialized. He must have seen some potential amid the chaos.

That’s your marching orders, my students. Find the potential amid the chaos, and you will go far, whatever your age. Just don’t expect anyone to feed you all the shrimp you could eat.

Dr “For The Seafood Lover In You” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[savefilescomng12]

Hooters Closes Several 'Underperforming' Restaurants Due to 'Market Conditions'

Hooters is shutting down several of its restaurants, PEOPLE can confirm. The chain known for wings and barely-there uniforms is facing closures as a result of “market conditions,” according to a spokesperson from the brand. “Like many restaurants under pressure from current market conditions, Hooters has made the difficult decision to close a select number of underperforming stores,” a Hooters spokesperson said in a statement to PEOPLE. “Ensuring the well-being of our staff is our priority in these rare instances.” They did not specify the number of locations, but CNN reports it is "several dozen" in states like Florida, Kentucky, Rhode Island, Texas and Virginia. The Hooters spokesperson said the company is experiencing plenty of growth at this time too, highlighting Hooters frozen product launches at grocery stores and new restaurants opening in different domestic cities and abroad. "This brand of 41 years remains highly resilient and relevant,” the statement continued. “We look forward to continuing to serve our guests at home, on the go and at our restaurants here in the U.S. and around the globe.” Hooters. Getty Hooters isn’t the only food chain announcing closures in recent months. In May, Red Lobster revealed they plan on shutting at least 48 locations around the country. They filed for bankruptcy that same month. TAGeX Brands’ CEO, Neal Sherman, shared in a LinkedIn post about how his company handled liquidating restaurant equipment via auctions. The restaurant closures span several states. According to Sherman, the auctions are the company’s “largest restaurant liquidation ever,” including furniture, fixtures and equipment. But Red Lobster has since announced new campaigns, including one with Flavor Flav, who helped Red Lobster announce that Crabfest is officially back. The hip-hop legend is a fan of the chain. After the bankruptcy news, Flavor Flav revealed that he had visited one location and, in an effort to keep their famous Cheddar Bay Biscuits around, made a huge purchase. “Ordered the whole menu," he said at the time. Source link Read the full article

[chongoblog]

Sure!

For context first, I want to say that this was part of a fun challenge I had Red give me. Basically I wanted to cook more, so I had Red give me a Single Ingredient that I had to use for a meal, and then that day I'd get stuff for it. The ingredient in question was cheddar cheese

Biscuits: Found this one online, admittedly. Mostly because I'd never made biscuits before (hell I'd never made my own dough!!), so I found a recipe for Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. Here's a link to it. I followed it pretty closely (including the topping), with some exceptions, like subbing in garlic salt for the garlic powder and salt. I personally feel like I left it in the over for a little long, but they still turned out great, and I'm especially proud with how my very first biscuits turned out! And I managed to use the cheddar cheese that I needed to use!

Green Beans: So one thing you'll learn as I post these recipes (which, who knows, maybe I'll post these more regularly) is that I LOVE sautee-ing things. And these green beans are no exception. I put some spoonfuls of butter in a pan along with some garlic, salt, some pepper, heated it up, and just sauteed these bad boys for a while. I did forget to cut off the tips, which I won't forget next time. The big trick is to make sure that they soak up the flavor of that garlic and butter while still keeping that crunch. I feel like I could've kept em on longer, since they were still SUPER crunchy, but that might just be my sensitive teeth talking.

Shrimp: After the green beans are done, I covered em up with a paper towel to try and keep em warm, and I use the same pan I used for the beans to cook the shrimp. After all, the garlic and butter I figured would do WONDERS for the shrimp. I did add a hearty dose of lemon juice to the pan for cooking the shrimp in as well. I got the shrimp raw and already peeled, because frankly, I was already doing a bunch of stuff I hadn't done before, so I didn't wanna have to add a whole other step.

Something else to note is that after it was all said and done, there was a fun little mix of butter, garlic and lemon juice that the shrimp was cooking in, and I poured that shit on the green beans and shrimp. And if that wasn't good enough, some of it pooled up on my plate, and dipping the biscuit in that was NEXT LEVEL.

Anyway, glad I did this fun little challenge. I'll probably do it again and make more stuff. Hope you all enjoy me slowly turning into a cooking blog, I guess lmao.

Red Lobster ain’t got shit on me tbh

[angrilymanaging]

I was scrolling F.B earlier, and came across a video of “The Game” and the caption was something along the lines of protecting your energy. Naturally I didn’t watch it because I’m a person that protects my energy, but it got me thinking like, didn’t you just make a woman, drink coffee from a discarded Starbucks cup you dug out of the garbage last year? Not even for money, some kind of high end hand bag, and you, on here talkin love and light, Jacion please shut up.

I was just having a conversation with my S.O. About what would be done winning millions of dollars in a lottery, I believe it sparked because I hands down am starting to believe that celebrities really are trash. Like in my personal opinion, and crazy as people want me to sound, I have reason to believe these people have takin personal shots at me, and I don’t really appreciate it. I have never even met you. For one most of them are people I admired like I have their music on my phone type sh’t and I sing their songs word for word. I don’t know though and I listen to music like when I cook and clean but I’m starting to not really be that big on it, I don’t listen to the radio EVER, and most of these artists are really winning awards because there is no one else to give them too. I don’t follow them anymore, like once I get a whiff of their personality, I still like the music that I have from you on my phone, but… I don’t think I would be starstruck if we were ever in the same room, I would definitely be the only person still at the fruit platter, I wouldn’t want to really meet you, or take pictures nothing, because I find you to be trash as a person. That is really sad too because, I have seen videos where people admire these celebs, and upon meeting them are treated poorly by them. Which I can see happening, because it’s happened to me. Anyway, I was saying that if we were to come into money like that right, we would be able to eat in the same restaurants as these people, probably party in the same venues as them. I would respectfully decline. I would rather build up my dream life, with everything I needed in my house so that I wouldn’t have to be bothered. I don’t drink a whole lot, I don’t smoke weed anymore, and I have never done a no no drug in my life. I could only imagine, being around elements like them would be definitely inviting the devil into my life, and no thanks in a big way. I have had my fair share of experience with popular people, and I think that is where the problem lies with me, I have no desire to eat at tables with them to rub elbows, with phonies.

There was a thing a trend a while back like would you take 10 grand from Jay-Z or eat dinner with him. I always said I would gladly take the dinner, simply because I know that it is going to be the best steak, seafood and mashed potatoes I ever ate, and the bread would be the rich peoples equivalent to a cheddar bay biscuit from Red Lobster. The Pink Moscato would be chilled to perfection, and the Vodka and Caviar would be fire. I dont really eat dessert but if they served me some chocolate pudding I’m sure it would be Jell-o, not the snack pack. I really wouldn’t have much to say, but I would speak if spoken too, aaaand I’m eating all of my food, cleaning the plates. I would never be embarrassed. I would take the dinner because really 10 Grand is not a lot of money. I could spend that in a couple days especially if I did the right thing. You would only get really one chance, especially being a person like me, with no real ties to the industry, to eat dinner with Jay. He gave birth to two Billionaires, he is the only one who could get me to go anywhere, no questions asked, and if he had any advice for me leaving the dinner, I would take it period, cause he is the only person at this point who could say anything to me lol.

My experience with popular people has not been a great one. I hear all the time that oh, he/she is cool. I love them they are so great they are the best. Those types of words come as red flags for me now. Turns out when I meet people they turn out to be a P.O.S. And the person giving them all this praise is really a know nothing brown noser. I am who I am and I am a different type of person. I gossip, and before this point in my life, I’ve only really talked about people, to the people close to me, the people close to me would be talking about someone else, and I would add my 2 cents, and then the people talking would be in conversation, with the same people they had just been talking about with me, not only, not saying what they had talked to me about, but talking about me, and telling them everything I had said. I currently am not really entertaining the idea of having friends, because of this reason. So now, when everyone else is bragging on someone else, or talking sh’t about someone, not only do I not want to be bothered, but I also have nothing to say. I don’t usually like cool kids, and they don’t like me, and that’s fine. People, especially people I know personally, like to name drop around the town, who they know, how they know them, and how great they are. But I’ve grown to understand that if they know them, like I know you, they are not all that wonderful, and if they find favor in the type of person you are, I will never be able to really get along with them. I saw a quote that said “ if someone knows they have done you wrong, they will avoid you” why does that have to be? Why can’t it be that I know what type of person you are, with hints you tried to give, or a cheap shot you tried to take, that you think I did’t hear, or one you said out loud, I know was about me, but instead of continuing on, I decided to stop f’cking with you. Just like you have an opinion about me, that is unbecoming of me, I have opinions of you that are unbecoming, and because you are a “good guy” to everyone else, you can’t stand the thought of anyone not liking you. I don’t care , about being liked anymore, I really could care less about the Idea of people liking me. You probably met the damaged, and broken side of me, while I was a people pleaser, and the healed, and regenerated version of me, wants you to kiss my ass.

It’s funny too, I’m chuckling about it now, cause you meet someone, or start hanging out with a person, and they have some kind of status and they call themselves bringing you around some “cool” people, and they are just as demonic as the m’fker you around. One thing I learned about popular people, or like locally famous, or globally famous people too, they can’t stand for you to not know who they are, they feel entitled to recognition, and they are used to people kissing their ass and when you don’t for whatever reason, something is wrong with you, and your’e a hater. In those situations, I am the problem though, because I don’t care who you are, I don’t kiss nobody ass, and I am nobody’s fan. That’s how it is when you are friends with people like that. I want no parts. I never want to be “down” again. It’s not even love and light with these folks. It’s hatred and LED strips from the dollar tree. They aren’t even really “friends” with the friends they have. They don’t even like them. I never even understood how that could be a case.

[astarkey]

Rules: Tag 10 people you want to get to know better!

I was tagged by @finalgirllaurie! Thank you so much for tagging me, lovely!!! 🤗💖

Favorite time of the year: Spring! I’m a spring girl, I was born in spring, and it’s something about the spring air that makes things feel lively, y’know? Plus, it’s not too hot and not too cold either, like the weather is just right. I just really connect with that season.

Comfort food: Mac & cheese, chicken alfredo pasta, mashed potatoes, general tso’s chicken, pizza, tacos, shrimp fettuccine alfredo, garlic bread, parmesan bread bites, cobb salads, buffalo chicken, french onion soup, cookies, bacon, bananas, Red Lobster’s cheddar bay biscuits, beef lo mein, and golden shrimps.

Do you collect anything? Not really, unless I guess physical copies of cd’s, but it depends if I really really love the album and need it in my life to keep. Seems the only thing I really collect nowadays lol.

Favorite drink: Strawberries & creme frappuccino, peach iced tea, sprite, and white peach ginger bubly.

Favorite music artists (going with current ones, too, because I always name the same people lol): Tamino, Thornhill, Failure, Sleep Token, Kehlani, Crosses, Reignwolf, Placebo, Wolf Alice, Queens of the Stone Age, Nine Inch Nails, Alice in Chains, Metallica, etc.

Current favorite songs:

The Offering // Sleep Token

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret // Queens of the Stone Age

Animals // Deaf Radio

Lipstick on the Glass // Wolf Alice

Sugar // Sleep Token

All I Really Want Is You // The Marías

Christian Woman // Type O Negative

You Know What You Are? // Nine Inch Nails

Atlantic // Sleep Token

The End Is the Beginning Is the End // Smashing Pumpkins

People Are Strange // Echo & the Bunnymen

Running Up That Hill // Placebo

Silo // Citizen

The Silent Acquiescence of Millions // Sinch

Cardboard Box // Flo

Favorite fics: I’m just gonna go with fanfics because I haven’t picked up a book in years lmfao. And most of these are sethkate fics and I know I made a post of my favorite sethkate fics like 5 years ago, but these are most recent after I made that list lmao. So here’s a few that I still haven’t stopped thinking about.

Nothing in Common // quiet_rebel

Adventures at the Mexican No-Tell Motel // Annfan

Wild Youth // @alwaysupatnight

Sour Cherry // gutsforgarters

in the dark, with you // @imaginedfables

When I met you in the Summer // @lilmissuncreative (can I also say that the other fic you’re working on is automatically my favorite? because I love it like thiiiiiiiis much 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗)

Tagging: @onyxheartbeat, @lexihoward, @heatherannchristie, @musicrunsthroughmysoul, @bentcoppers, @bensonstablers, @veemelancholy, @blondiest, @alwaysupatnight, @lilmissuncreative, @soundgrrrden, @archeryqueen95, @artthurshelby, and anyone else who wants to do this!!! 🤗💖

[jimmymcgools]

then i will go ham 🙏💖 thank you @aminta

“Do you ever get sick of Red Lobster, June?”

June turns. “Oh, huh!” She seems as if she really appreciates the question. “Well, when I was pregnant with Toby, I had such naughty cravings for their biscuits. I must’ve eaten about a hundred a week, I was always sending Josh out to buy a dozen as soon as they opened.”

due to popular demand i’ve bought the ingredients to try to make a knock-off version of these. i got the buttermilk on sale and it expires soon so watch this space. 

also i unironically love june and really enjoy shoving various traits of my own coworkers & office job into these sprinkler sections. 

She lands in Albuquerque before dawn. It feels as if she’s slinking unseen into the city, hidden from it while it hides from her. No shadows of the Sandias are visible against the horizon, no twisting Rio Grande cutting through the dry land. In the darkness, the plane wheels seem to touch down in her own stomach, a heavy landing that bumps and skids over the tarmac before settling like lead on the Earth.

an abq plane landing always feels special to me because it’s how acb starts 🥺

It’s a clean slate kind of city. Emerging from the hot dust like an iron from a forge, still hissing.

And when she lived here, she was a clean slate, too. She was level and she was making something of herself, growing and growing. She was coral snakes in the shade, eyes glittering.

these commentaries are always so self indulgent but it feels really cool to like... i dont know. i think about years ago writing a scene where kim and jimmy sit on the trunk of her car and she talks about how the desert is clean and sterile. and now here we are and that still feels right and still feels important. 

also i had ‘eyes blinking’ here for days and then genius i am i had to google whether snakes can blink or not, and i guess they can’t blink or WHATEVER they have no EYELIDS who CARES. but i changed it anyway. 

The sun climbs above them, spilling warm light over her skin, over the bare land.

i wanted it to look like morning over the sandias 😔

Kim sees the severe woman in her empty house, leaning on the back of a chair just to stay upright. “She wants—”

—a shadowed room, with light carving slices from peeling walls and metal tables. A cigarette and a lie and familiar eyes and his name in her mouth again. A time capsule and a time machine and the words come falling out—

“She wants her husband back.”

the more i work on it the more i’m struck by this post-canon era being an era of women and their lost husbands. cheryl and marie and skyler etc etc. 

so the idea of there being this like... obviously cheryl would literally like howard back in the world of the living. but jimmy never left that world for kim, yet she still got her husband back. so this thought of how someone can be lost to you in more than one way, i guess? cheryl lost howard in every way--his life was taken, and the reality of who he was as a man was taken from the world, too. 

it’s all something i hope i can explore more over the course of the story. 

Jimmy’s palms rest tentatively on her back, the faintest pressure, as if he wants to make sure she knows he’s willing to let her go again.

jimmy imagines his hands as hovering birds a couple of times in the safs cicero chapter, and i thought about it here. 

Her arms come up around him, and she presses her cheek into his shoulder. He floats his hands over her back for a moment, hovering birds, and then he finally lowers them, touching. She’s warm against him.

“Jimmy,” she murmurs. “I’m sorry about your mom.”

just like. i don’t know. it’s the same hug. 

always the same hug. 

And the flickering bulb above them seems like it’s inside him now, a quivering light over his face, his shielding fingers. “I didn’t think you could keep coming here like this for much longer.”

“Well,” Kim murmurs, “that’s why we’re a team.” And she smiles, so slowly. “I figured out how.”

things that were genuinely a relief for ME to figure out! i didn’t want to rush kim becoming a lawyer, so. this felt nice. 

“Sometimes I was better,” he says, finally. “But I never could figure out being better all the time…”

i said this in a reply to a comment somewhere, but i feel like such a key part of jimmy’s entire character journey is like... how little he’s ever felt content in his current circumstances. 

like, even writing pre-canon stuff, i found jimmy almost always was thinking that things would be better soon, or things used to be better. even the early days of the mailroom were uncomfortable for him at the time but only became rose-coloured afterwards. 

so that’s something he’s thinking about now, now that he’s got plenty of time to think. 

And Jimmy lingers on it for a second, as if still debating whether to say it, as if holding on to this moment before he finally answers: “Skyler White.”

GIRLS LOVE A CLIFFHANGER

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Ash what are your thoughts on pet daycare centers? (similar to those dog daycare places) -theo-

BBU runs a series of pet daycares in major cities in their most active countries, part of a pilot program aimed at expanding to smaller locales that meet a specific number of pet owners for qualification.

They are safe, clean, respectable, and staffed by friendly employees who are highly-trained in how to provide positive reinforcement during your human pet's stay.

Boarding ranges from $50 per night to more than $500 per night, depending on the level of accommodation you require and the length of the stay. Any stay longer than seven days receives a discounted rate, and no owner will pay more than $5500 per month for very long-term boarding needs.

When you enter, you'll be greeted by our front desk attendant, who will confirm the paperwork you filled out online prior to your visit to ensure all details are correct. You'll be asked:

- Numbers of meals per day (each pet receives one full meal at midday unless otherwise specified, plus two snacks)

- Quality of meal (default meals include one protein, two vegetables, and one carbohydrate with the example of grilled chicken breast, roasted mixed vegetables, mashed potatoes, and bread roll. Breakfast option, if multiple meals are chosen, includes dry cereal with milk and fruit salad. Dinner will be a repeat of whatever was served for lunch.

Luxury meals will include an added fee unless built in to our Luxury Pet Stay. Luxury meals might include fettucine alfredo with shrimp and broccoli, pork carnitas with rice and beans, lobster tails with butter and garlic, plus asparagus and chive biscuits, chicken and dumplings with mixed vegetables, red lentil soup with freshly baked bread, or other varieties. Owners will be given a series of menu options to circle. Luxury stays include dessert, which can range from New York-style cheesecake with cherry sauce to ice cream sundaes and more.

- Any known allergies, to medication, food, or otherwise. Meal plans can be tailored to avoid allergens, gluten, or to meet any other dietary needs such as vegan meals.

- Accommodation comfort: Owners can choose to have their pet sleep on the floor, in a cot, or in a full-size bed. Room sizes range from the same as their Facility rooms during training to the Pethouse Penthouse, three of which are available, which are 15 feet by 21 feet in size and also have an included full bath with Jacuzzi-style tub.

- Each pet is provided with one single pillow and one blanket unless staying in the Pethouse Penthouse. Extra pillows or blankets cost additional fees.

- Heating or cooling above or below the set temperature of 65 degrees Fahrenheit will cost extra.

- Each pet will have mandatory access to the fitness center, which includes treadmills, weight machines, ellipticals, stationary bicycles, and free weights. Yoga and pilates classes are offered twice per day for an added fee.

- Pets will be separated by Designation, with no interaction between designations at any time.

- Group activities are planned, and designed to suit the pet's skill levels.

- Romantics whose stay lasts longer than a week may have an in-house Romantic assigned to them for personalized physical attention.

- Collars are required, even if the pet does not wear one in everyday life.

- If needed, discipline ranges from electric shock to isolation in the Discipline Cell to being removed from our daycare and taken to the nearest WRU Facility to await their owner's return under a certified Handler's supervision.

- Pets may have one phone call per day with owner, if requested. Additional calls or contact require added fees.

- Cameras are installed in every room and throughout our daycare. Each owner will be given a personalized link to a live feed of their pet's location at every given moment. Each pet wears a bracelet during their stay that ensures the owner has access to a camera that is currently tracking their movements, regardless of where they may be.

At WRU, we know that while you are traveling for business to less pet-friendly locations, remodeling, or otherwise unable to have your devoted pet by your side, they may need a place to rest their head.

But they should never be more than a click away from you.

[honeytea8]

✨✨La Squadra Boyfriend Headcanons✨✨

[Alexa, play Boyfriend by Big Time Rush]

Guys, I spend an ungodly amount of time thinking about La Squadra, so here are some bf headcanons for the sexiest group of assassins in Naples. No one asked but I am bringing it straight to your dash anyway! (under the cut for length lmao)

I’m going to start with Prosciutto, who has recently fallen on my radar pretty heavy! 

He’s a good and decent boyfriend, if not a busy one. Not that he doesn’t care about the relationship, but most of his energy was going to Passione things before you waltzed in and so he’ll struggle a bit between his work responsibilities and maintaining his relationship with you, but only in the beginning. 

If you are also a part of Passione, it’s a hell of a lot easier to manage. 

I see Prosciutto as the gift-giving type: lingerie, sweets, perfume, designers, etc. His salary isn’t the best, but he manages it as well as he can just to accommodate you! 

I just can’t get the idea out of my head that Pro was raised by a strict mama, that’s why he can be a bit of a stickler sometimes. He’ll catch you still lounging in bed at nine am, and be like “Why are you still in bed? Get dressed, we’re going out.” Dude!

I’m sorry to say, but Prosciutto is absolutely the ‘lecturing’ type. (He lectured someone in nearly every scene in the anime, Formaggio once and Pesci numerously and Bucci too) 

He will lecture you when you make mistakes, especially because as his s/o, he has high expectations for you and believes you’re capable of so much more. It’s never, ever out of hate. He loves you, and that’s why he chides you a bit lol. 

This does not negate the fact that he doesn't mind when you lean on him for support. He likes when you count on him, because he always comes through especially for you!

Depending on whether you’re in the mafia or not, I totally see him sparring with you, or working out with you in an effort to make you tough. Prosciutto wants you to be able to defend yourself, just in case. If you complain, he’ll tell you, “Better safe than sorry, tesoro”.

Prosciutto will respect you, period.

A good listener, goddamn! He’s up there with Risotto when it comes to who listens to their s/o more! If you have an issue, he’ll hear you out and offer advice if you want it. If you give him advice, he’ll take it into serious consideration. He’s honestly a good partner, can’t stress that enough.

Finally, sex with Pro is an entire event. Romantic dinner, candles lit, wine, the whole nine yards before he gives you nine inches of something else :) (I’m kidding!! Lmao, kinda). 

But as I said, Prosciutto is quite deliberate, and a bit of a perfectionist. He knows what to do and how to do it, you can trust him.

Ghiaccio is next only because he’s my favorite. 

The ice gremlin is probably the most interesting (and hilarious) boyfriend out of the bunch (I say this with only a tidbit of bias). He isn’t funny himself, but funny shit just happens to him. 

Because of this, he will use you as a soundboard when everyone else refuses to listen to him. He’s got a lot to say, so be prepared for his TEDtalks. LMAO!

It will take some perception on your part to notice when he actually expects a response from you, and other times he’s just ranting to get his point out. 

He will correct your grammar when you text, but barely notices when he makes a similar mistake (his brain moves in mph). Please use the proper names like Venezia, Italia, Roma and Napoli when talking to this man; save yourself from the headache.

When it comes to dates, please have mercy on him, he’s a textbook over-thinker! You’ll just have to plan something simple at home for you both to enjoy. 

He isn’t incapable of planning dates, but he’ll want everything to be so absolutely perfect for his s/o and will throw a fit when it ultimately isn’t. 

Contrary to popular belief, I think that Ghiaccio is a pretty attentive partner. He’s super intelligent and I think a part of it stems from his innate ability to read people (I’m referencing the part in the anime where he deduced what Giorno and Mista had come to look for, while going off very little information). 

The more time he spends with you, the better he gets at it. 

His form of affection will be shown through the amount of time you both spend together. When it comes to sex or anything related to that, be gentle and slow as Ghiaccio will likely be a flustered mess. 

As he becomes more comfortable and confident, he will be bolder and just ask out right if you’ll suck him off tonight or not. The man appreciates directness, so don’t bother being coy. “You want me to give you head? Cool, lay down a towel or something.” is what he’ll probably say.

Very practical 👌🏾👌🏾

Melone, good lord, he’s kind of perfect. 

A bit of a doting boyfriend here and there—very much concerned about your health. Expect him to ask if you’ve eaten, or taken your multivitamin. How are your bowel movements?  LMAO

It can become a bit much, but he really genuinely cares. He’s not asking to be intrusive or nasty! If he was, you’d know. ���

But I seriously consider Melone to be the one (at least among La Squadra) who is way, way invested in his relationships. He will know every little detail about you; will ask you lots of questions and expects you to ask him just as many. 

This may be annoying to some, but this dude will definitely bring up your horoscope in an argument. He’ll be like “I honestly can’t fathom why you’re being this way, though it’s to be expected from a libra.” 

Peg this bitch so he can shut up.  

Melone is also touchy as hell, but not in a clingy way. He loves touching, and just to tag onto the headcanon about his partial blindness, I want to say that he’s so touchy because that’s how he ‘sees’ you best.

Just know that half the time, he isn’t touching you to be lecherous, even if he genuinely does like the feel of your skin under his fingertips. Melone will even encourage you to touch him back. 

Rub his thigh or back and he’ll be simping.

He is obsessed with your legs, and will paint your toes if you let him. 

LOVES PDA! Melone will also tongue-kiss you in public if you let him!

Notice how I keep saying ‘if you let him’. Give him an inch and he’ll press you for a mile, so if there are boundaries you would like to establish, please do, cuz he sure as hell won’t, just saying!

When it comes to sex, Melone is a dick and coochie sensei. Oral is his favorite thing to do, probably enjoys giving more than receiving to be honest. I’d say he’s pretty much mastered sex for what it is. 

That being said, if he’s ever talking out of his neck, just invite him to put his mouth to better use. He’ll even thank you for your gracious request.

Formaggio is next 💀 

According to my JoJo compatriots from discord, he’s like the Optimus Prime of fuckboi’s so let’s ride that wave for a bit! LMAO

I hope it doesn’t come as a surprise that Formaggio is pretty shameless. He will send you a dick pic on Sunday morning before church and have the audacity to say “Just wanted to bless you real quick”. 

@autumn-kouhai mentioned him giving his s/o sickly sweet pet names and I just have to agree. 

Expect to be hit upside the head with: baby-boo, sugar plum, honey bunches, sweetums. I can imagine them becoming really ridiculous too like “the last piece of red velvet cake” or “cheddar bae biscuits from Red Lobster”

His catch phrase is “Got nudes?”

Send them, and he won’t be afraid to reply with something equally sexy. 

Be warned though, he will stockpile whatever you send him and then be careless with his phone. If you don’t mind Illuso’s snoopy ass seeing your nudes then by all means, have at it. Otherwise, send them through snapchat, so they disappear later. 

As far as La Squadra boyfriends go, he’s the most fun! Y’all don’t even go anywhere because man’s is broke. BUT, Formaggio knows how to have a good time without any need to spend money (my kind of dude tbh) you guys just crank up the tunes, dance, and get lit until the neighbors complain. 

Formi is also the CEO of jokes/memes, and will have you in absolute tears almost always! I literally tell my friends that funny guys are so dangerous, don’t sleep on them! They will make you laugh until your panties drop, it’s magic, I swear. Formaggio has that same energy. 

No matter how bad of a day his s/o is having, rest assured, he will draw the biggest laugh out of you.

Besides his fuckboi tendencies, his most redeeming quality is the fact that he’s super cool and fun to hang with. You’ll literally have a good time, always, because his energy is right! Very good vibes around this man, I swear! It’ll be exactly like dating your best friend, because essentially, he will be your bestie.

Formi has many moments of tenderness that aren’t sexually charged too—moments where the jokes stop and he’ll just rub your back or feet, this is usually when you aren’t feeling well and need some quiet. 

However, Formaggio won’t let you mope all day, he’ll pull out the big guns and call you his “sweetie baby” and when you try to resist he’ll say “What, I’m just tryna show you some love.”

He’s a good dude lmao I’d date a guy like him irl 😭

Pesci stans wya??! Let’s get into this baby boy. 

Pesci is boyfriend material, idgaf what anyone says. 

He is pretty much the least problematic to be with among all of La Squadra, even more so than Risotto (don’t argue with me). 

Pesci is hyper aware of your likes and dislikes and will literally go out of his way to make sure that you’re well and okay. 

Arguments are basically nonexistent and if they occur it ain’t coming from his side. 

I also think that Pesci has a lot of empathy, so when you’re going through something, he’s right there in the thick of it with you. If you’ve seen that meme that goes ‘when my gf is on her period it’s UterUS’ lmao that’s Pesci’s energy 100%. 

Sometimes, he’s more of a lover and not a fight, that is perfectly okay!

However, if someone tries up his s/o, say farewell to Mr. Niceguy. He will defend your honor to his dying breath. And with you in his corner, trust me, he’s not going down. 

A romantic at heart, Pesci will plan little date trips like picnics in the park or boat trips to Capri, actually, I’d like to point out that he excels in the art of date planning. If you’re the adventurous type, he’ll plan outings where you both will be more active, like biking through the city or renting a mop-ed and going sight-seeing. 

Because Pesci has a sensitive stomach, he’s very much considerate of what you both put in your bodies. If you have dietary restrictions or allergies, this guy knows all about it and will cater to you perfectly. 

A true gentleman through and through, he will never force himself on you, ever. In fact, he really doesn’t like engaging in anything sexual when you’re drunk or high, sorry if you’re into that! 

Pesci is the kind of guy who keeps up with your favorite shows.

If ya’ll have similar taste in media or literature, he will immerse himself in it so that he can relate to you all the more.

If there’s anyone who will entertain anime-related discourse, no matter how nonsensical, it’s Pesci. And he isn’t just putting up with it, he’s actively engaging in the conversation so you are always heard and validated. 

He’s an A+ boyfriend, that’s all I gotta say! Haters can stay mad :)

Goddamn Illuso... idk man.

I really feel like you have to have thick/tough skin to handle this guy, for various reasons. 

The first being that Illuso can be a bit mean at first. He’ll push your buttons on purpose just to see what’ll make you tick. Will tease the living heck out of you, always, kind of a bully lmao but not to the extreme, it’s just his brand of humor—and the thing is, he won’t be mad when you dish it right back, so it’s cool. 

Secondly, Illuso has big dick energy!! 

I mean rightfully so, because he is indeed packing! But my word, he ain’t humble about it at all! 

He is not above making jokes about ‘splitting you in half’. In fact all of his jokes have hidden, dirty undertones! 

His affection is shown through speech mostly. Illuso will drop subtle innuendos and provocations, half to see you flustered and half because he wants you to know how much he wants you. 

Illuso isn’t incredibly vocal about his feelings outside of ‘I’m tryna hit that thang’ but you won’t doubt that he loves you because Illuso doesn’t waste his own time. 

If he’s spending his time with you, you can rest assured that it’s because he wants to. 

Illuso is a voyeur and you’ll just have to understand/accept that and move on. 

He loves watching you and will even creep over to your place through the mirror world just to hang or watch you do chores. Loves to surprise you and give you jump scares lmao it’ll make you a tad paranoid but it’s also fun. 

Illuso is prone to random bouts of sweetness; it’s very sporadic, very touch-and-go. 

One day, you’ll wake up to chocolates on your dresser or new shoes, lingerie, or makeup if you wear it. I imagine that if you’re low on funds, he will even help you buy your groceries that week. 

It’ll surprise the hell out of you, but that’s just how Illuso is. He enjoys keeping you on your toes! 

He’s prideful and smug as hell, so he will definitely expect a thank you, because even if he does it out of the kindness in his heart, he also wants to hear that you appreciate him

Same goes for the bedroom scene. Illuso loves making you vocal, it’s his favorite thing in the world, so he’ll make a game out of doing the things that get the biggest reaction out of you. Like I said, it's that big dick energy at work here, smh.

Sorbet and Gelato in a polyamorous relationship with you? Let’s get it! 

We don’t get anything substantial about these two except that Sorbet follows the money, so these are all personal headcanons for how I see and write them. 

Here’s the juice: when it comes to you as their s/o, these two are possessive as hell. You are theirs and that’s that on that! 😭 Don’t ask questions, just go with it.

Sorbet is the chill one of the duo. He can be a bit smug at times, but he’s mostly a laid back dude who doesn’t get bothered by much.

When it comes to you, Sorbet likes to spend quality time with you more than anything, and will ask you to cook for him at your place so he ain’t gotta spend money. Oh? Did I not mention that I kinda think of him as a cheapskate? Lmao cuz I do.

Sorbet will come by your place just to steal your coupons from the mail then head out; you’re not using ‘em so why should he let them go to waste?

Gelato is the complete opposite; personality wise, I headcanon him as a mix between Melone and Formaggio lmao

But it’s not as crazy as it sounds, he’s cute and outspoken like Melone, while maintaining a free-spirit like Formaggio. One quality that I like is that he’s quite devoted to you and Sorbet. If anyone crosses either of you, goodluck to them!

I like to think Gelato’s also just really boujee and high maintenance. He loves to pamper and be pampered. You and him tag-team Sorbet’s wallet and go on spa dates together at his expense (not that he ever really stood a chance)

While Sorbet is cool with just being in the same room as you, Gelato loves hugging/cuddling with you and Sorbet—will definitely fight for the middle spot between the two of you on the couch during movie nights.

He baby, so let him have it lol

In the bedroom, I would salute anyone with the guts to take the two of them on. They both lay down that work, period. 

Sorbet gets his kicks from teasing and edging you (his sadistic side comes out a bit), while Gelato loves when you give him extra TLC. To put it short, they know how to take care of you, so there are no issues there. 

Last but not least, Mr. Risotto Nero himself.

Man, idc on the lowest of keys, he seems a little bit like a grandpa to me

The type to sit at home and do crosswords, has a bird feeder in his yard and plays old Italian hits while washing the dishes. It’s very domestic 💀 (I find it cute, whatever!)

As a boyfriend, I can’t imagine him suddenly being spontaneous or outgoing unless you drag him out of his home/comfort zone.

Be patient with Mr. Nero, and he can come to surprise you

After a while, it won’t be just you dragging him out and about; one day he’ll ask you to come over and you’ll be greeted with a nice, traditional, homemade meal

Pay attention and you will notice him watching your face to see if you like his cooking 🥺

After seeing his fight with Doppio, I must admit that Risotto is very, very observant, almost scarily so.

I can totally picture him pointing out random things about his s/o that even they don’t know

One night, Risotto may come up to you and say “I talked to your neighbor about the dog, they’ll keep it inside now.” And you’re just staring like 😳 how did he know the barking was keeping you up at night????

He’s sweet, and will take good care of you as a boyfriend should.

Very good listener, won’t talk as much but will hang on to your every word, I promise. He could even recite it to you verbatim.

He’s a big dude, that ain’t news, so expect to be swallowed up in hugs and sometimes even picked up (as a tall girl myself, I simp!!!)

Gives A1 piggyback rides, lol

ALSO RISOTTO IS HUMBLE ASF!

Big dick energy, but on low volume 👏🏾 after all, he doesn’t need to do much talking, because a night with him is more than enough!

Listen babe, you better stretch, do some squats, and prep in whatever way you can before Mr. Nero gives you that work. 🤐

Lowkey a freak, but it’s well hidden behind his ‘quiet giant’ exterior

So, who are y'all dating? Personally, I’m going for Formaggio and Pesci hehe

[wazohoo]

hold on let me chronicle the crazy ass way i met my boyfriend rq:

- starts out with me being in highschool theatre. i was a bit of a slut (positive) and there were two boys who had crushes on me (this is important)

- one of them adds me to a discord (???) in order to win my affections (both of them are in this discord so im not sure what the plan was)

- the discord is basically split into two houses: one part is mostly theater kids from my highschool. the other, by some miracle, consists of boys from the local private school in our area*

*note: these two groups DESPISE one another. im not sure how the discord even worked to this day.

- the first guy introduces me to the private school boys, who are generally pretty cool and we get on pretty well

- one of the private school boys and i were chatting it up in dms, getting to know one another over our shared love or phantom of the paradise. he then asks me to a dance thats being hosted by their bougie ass school and offers to pay for dinner.

- i recognize “ah! this is a date type ordeal” and suddenly make the decision that while this dude is pretty cool, im way not into him like that, so i decline. he totally gets it and drops the subject

- a few days after this rejection i begin to regret turning him down, seeing as hes not a bad dude but more importantly after finding out the dinner would be at red lobster, and i can really fuck up some cheddar bay biscuits

- and suddenly, like an angel sent on high, one of my friends from the theatre company im in posts on her story what is, with lack of a better term, an advertisement for another boy our age on her instagram. now, this guy i recognize is in the aforementioned discord and also from the same private school as the first guy. however! the advertisement includes three things:

- his name and details

- the fact that he’s not a creep

- and the fact that he will pay for dinner

- so naturally, i slide up and ask for the deets. she gives them to me and a hit him up on discord. hes pretty awkward, seeing as we’ve literally never talked before, but we come to a mutual agreement that he needs a date and i need cheddar bay biscuits

- chaos ensues. my friends learn that im going on what is essentially a blind date with a rich private school boy and they are in shambles. my dating life is insane. the men are fuming. meanwhile, im picking out what dress will best cover the food baby i plan to have after eating about 17 cheddar bay biscuits.

- fast forward to the night in question. im looking great, i have a chin length bob, a tan velvet dress, and the ugliest fucking chunky velvet heels youve ever seen. the ensemble was truly a product of its time.

- as was tradition, all of the girls got ready at my house. one by one, their dates arrive (also private school boys.) one of the dates was the guy that first asked me to the dance. everyone arrives but one- my date.

- im checking the clock frantically, thinking “oh shit. ive been stood up” when suddenly a black honda civic rolls in. suddenly i am filled with dread as another teenage boy in a suit steps out. this is the most attractive man at the party, and holy shit, thats my date.

- now im panicking. the photos didnt do him justice. this guy was hot! i remember thinking “he didnt text like a hot guy? how is this possible” as hes walking in the door. his friends all greet him, and hes chatting with them until he walks over to me. we kind of mumble some greetings to eachother, both pretty awkward. the tension is palpable and everyone else is making fun of us until my mom walks in and demands pictures.

- we proceed to take what is, to this day, the funniest photo i have ever seen. there are two other couples on the group/ both of them are hugged up and clearly romantic in the photo. meanwhile me and the mystery man? a solid 5 feet apart. i wish i was kidding. it was like something out of a movie.

- after taking some horribly awkward photos we all move to get into our cars and head off to dinner. im sweating at this point. as i get into the mystery man’s car im panicking. my anxiety has set in- this outing is going to suck. it’s silent in the car for a good 30 seconds, only to be interrupted by

- “do you like music?” the question catches me off guard. what the fuck. ‘do you like music?’ what kind of question is that? i try to keep it together but suddenly im laughing. this would be extremely inappropriate- except now hes laughing too. i ask him what kind of question is that? and he replies i dont know, maybe you hate music. we’re laughing again

- several conversations happen in succession. we talk about the music. then we start talking about red lobster. this of course leads us to the song rock lobster, which he plays. we begin to talk about lobster economics and society under the sea. this is the strangest man ive met in my fucking life.

- we get to the red lobster and its an absolute blast. the food was terrible but the biscuits and the company are good. these are some of the funniest people ive ever met. i misjudged them, this table full of private school kids wasnt as bad as their reputation led me to believe.

- the dance goes equally well. me and the boy dont slow dance or anything but we knew it wasnt a ‘date’. i began to wish that it was. he wasnt a bad guy. one of the guys is wearing a pillows shirt under his suit. my guy was wearing a weezer shirt. pillows guy is breakdancing. the orderbs were fucking terrible. theres a photo booth. the whole thing is hosted in our local art museum and it is beautiful.

- were driving home, chronicling the wvents of the night. it was superb. as were driving back to my house he gets silent. were about to turn into my driveway when he blurts out “do you want to do this again?” i say yes. our first date is, keeping in theme, olive garden. we have been dating since.

[rudylloyd]

I love Kevin’s transparent! Please tell me about her! What’s her favorite food? I love the orange of her nails :)

Ah, momma loralie

She is of course, Kevin's other parental unit.

She was born with a condition that hadn't been seen in her bloodline for over 200 years [according to older relatives of hers] which is a birthmark that tends to dominate huge portions of the body, in this case her left half. She is a simple lady, but for the first 12 years of Kevin's life [+the years before] she was not his mother but his father. She married Harley when theyd both turned 18 and were released into the world too early with no money or home. Luckily a woman from a very highly regarded family gave the two what they needed, but those things did not exactly fix other issues. Loralie always does her best to make Harley happy, but unfortunately it's not that easy. After Loralie came out, she was lucky to still be able to live in that same house, but she was no longer considered to be Harley's spouse any longer. Nevertheless she still referred to Harley as her wife because she still loves that woman. They never divorced nor separated and so Loralie can still. technically do that. Its not like Harley's asked her to stop. Loralie doesnt like when people tell lies. She is a very honest person and does not appreciate being lied to. Especially by her son. She loves Kevin and just wants what's best for him, even if he occasionally calls her "Dad" [which she isnt opposed to. She finds it brings a sense of normality. She does not force Kevin to call her "Mom" if he doesnt want to.] Loralie's favorite color is spearmint gum green, her favorite sound is pages turning in a large book, and her favorite food is cheddar biscuits. [think the ones from Red Lobster but entirely 100% homemade]

[justanotherpersonsuniverse]

There you stand, waiting for the gates to open. In your hand rests the weight of your weapon. You hold it, dragging it behind you once the gate creeks and let's you through. You step out and wait as your eyes adjust to the light.

There you stand, the arena known as The Archive, and you watch as people in the stands cheer and burst with the thought of another bloody battle.

You look to your side, and there stands your ally for this fight, all you know of them is their alias Biscuits and their weapon. It's a large sledgehammer, seeming to hold a motif of lobsters.

Across from you the gates of your opponents opens, and out walks the two you fight against this time.

One of an obvious stronger build, he weilds a flail in one hand, and a small but hefty hammer in the other. Movements indicate the hammer is favored. Seems he is fond of doing much angst, but at least offers comfort occasionally.

The other is pushed in, they hold a chainsaw on his back this time. The few times you've seem him has all been with with same hammer, flowing red and spiked to make splatters pain the floor.

The speakers overhead buzz on, announcing to the audience the fighters below.

"Round One, Kryptid and Biscuits versus Bad and Dragon. Fight"

-💙

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[ela-loomis]

Hello! May I please get a matchup?

I’m an INTP bi female, standing at 5’3.

Personality wise I can be rather reserved. I’m logical and curious and keep most of my emotions hidden, not the biggest fan of the vulnerability they cause. However I tend to get angry easy yet despite this I do try my hardest to keep an calm composure. I would like to call myself wise and I aim to be someone people can go to with their troubles. I also tend to be rather passionate in love and deeply romantic, think of it as a sort of wildfire if you will. Perhaps this stems from a lack of love throughout my early years in life haha.

I’m studying both history and philosophy and care greatly for both. I also write poetry in my spare time along with other forms of writing and art. I also like reading and films (though more the analysis of the latter) and can tell you every single bit of trivia from lotr lmao.

My love language is a mix of quality time and physical touch and in a relationship I think I would provide and sense of understanding and home perhaps.

Thank you!

Hello Ducky, yes you may! Sorry I kept you waiting for so very long :'(

I ship you with...

Jason Dean!

- You two are a match made in heaven (or hell, depending on who you ask.) Passionate and quick to anger, yet logical and calm/collected? You and JD are two halves of the same tortured soul.

- He's fascinated by your love of philosophy, and nothing is more enjoyable for him than getting into deep philosophical discussions with you. He also loves to listen to you talk about historical subjects, though he doesn't understand a lot of it.

- While he's more of a "let me burn the world to show you my love" type of romantic, he isn't opposed to being the "I went to 6 floral shops to find your favourite flowers and I bought you an entire case of Red Lobster biscuits" type, as long as it's a special occasion, like your birthday or anniversary.

- Like you, he's not fond of being vulnerable, and it will take a very long time for him to show you any of his emotions outside of his all-consuming infatuation for you. This also extends to his craving for affection, so don't expect him to let you cling to him when you first get together.

- When his walls come down, though? You've got yourself a human octopus. He holds onto you like you're going to float away if he lets go. He's also going to let you in on the chaos in his mind, so it's a good thing you're comfortable listening to others' troubles.

- Of course, he extends the same kindness to you; he'll happily sit with your head in his lap and listen to you vent about all the troubles in your life. Should someone you complain about regularly go missing, he doesn't know anything about it. He's totally innocent. Don't look at him like that!

- He wants to hear all the LOTR trivia. He also wants to break down all the movies that are popular at the moment with you. Intelligence is the first thing he looks for in a person, so the fact that you enjoy analyzing films is just. Perfect. Chef's kiss. He's obsessed.

- You'll have to pry it out of his cold dead hands, but he's absolutely written romantic poetry about you. He won't rest until he reads your poetry, though! Oh, come on! Fine, you can ready one of the poems he's written about you, okay? Okay, now LET HIM READ YOURS GIMME GIMME GIMME -

- At the end of the day, he loves you much more than he's capable of showing, and he only hopes that you don't mind waiting for him to open up to you. And if you get impatient? He'll make sure the wait is entertaining.

[wasdiamond]

@son-oftheuniverse​​

❛ The fucking bread sticks are like the dime-a-dozen whores. You pull up, you flash some money. It doesn't matter which one gets in, they're all the same. Okay, that's the bread sticks. You get the cheddar biscuits, that's exotic! That's, like, from the Philippines or it's, like, from Japan. They're better than bread sticks, they're delicious, you can't get them anywhere else. I don't even like Red Lobster and I'll go there just for the cheddar biscuits. And if I'm gonna go there, you're gonna go there 'cause they're amazing. YOU WILL NEVER GO TO OLIVE GARDEN JUST FOR THE BREAD STICKS! YOUR ASS WILL BE AT RED LOBSTER. EVERY! WEEK! TO SHOVE THAT CHEDDAR DOWN YOUR HOLE! ❜