#the rest of u can just assume im gay or smth but THIS is the LIFE

[verytendou]

Every now and then i do start wondering if maybe i could just use gendered pronouns and be fine and who cares about all this trans stuff but then someone will call me by my preferred name and use my pronouns without even thinking bc they know its Me and i will be like WOOO neverMIND! This is GREAT

[asscrackcreed]

part 2 after the author replied i wasnt sure if i should carry on but with their unapologetic attitude ofc i went through with it

STOP WITH THE KADAR AND MASTURBATING THING ITS FUCKING GROSS WHY DOES HIS BROTHER A N D MOTHER KNOW !!!!!!!’ ENOUGH

omg kadar is 16 and maliks 19 shut the fuck up EWWWWW

ok let me explain it properly this author fetishised kadars teenage hormones why do we keep coming back to kadar wanting to have sex esp if hes a minor its disgusting theyve made a point that u can explore gross things in fiction because yk its fiction and not irl and tbh idgaf because youre telling me you enjoy reading about a minors sexual life? youre telling me you enjoy reading about a brother telling his MINOR brother about HIS sex life? defend incest if u want im not here to change ur mind about incest but if u think that u can just write about minors sexually u are fucking disgusting

a lot of talk about god but none of it relates to the story or being gay so idk not interested

DES AND EZIO KISSED. WITH TONGUE. AND EZIO INSTIGATED IT?

chapter 27^ i cant do it anymore its 3am as im typing i’ll finish the rest when i wake up

kadars only personality trait is being horny tf

adha is very religiously strict and thinks altaïr is a godless pig uhm. ok… making adha rude is very uncalled for you couldve chose to use a random woman like…. a stranger but no it had to be canon altaïrs dead ex… and altaïr says ‘i dont know much about islam’ i dont understand why some fanfic authors insist on making altaïr completely atheist, i feel like altaïr wouldn’t be religious tbfh but hed still have islamic norms and values. when we can write characters in a way the original source material doesnt why cant we include cultural and religious aspects? why do ppl try so hard to remove the fundamental aspects of islamic culture. altaïr not knowing islam just drags the story more because if he did then hed understand adha and like idk hed connect with malik more and adhas anger would be justified but here she is being an ass and assuming the worst because…? she could’ve just called him an asshole idk why she dragged religion into this its reminding me of strict religious ppl who hate the new generation so far there hasn’t really been much about the good things of islam

adhas apologising now for assuming the worst. she paints smth for him? doesnt really make sense but alright

if altaïr can honor his mum with a tattoo (which is haram but anyways) he could surely honor his dad by celebrating eid or smth or just praying some time idk the paragraph im reading is about how his grandmas not religious and his dad was a practising muslim but never taught altaïr which ok he died when altaïr was 5 fine but idk the authors very intent on making sure altaïr isnt muslim but personally if he was muslim it’d be interesting because then hed struggle with his faith and himself i mean malik doesnt seem to struggle at all so idk ig everyones different

excuse me? so we can add black fetishisation to the list as well cuz wtf was that? it doesnt even add to the story its so random and unnecessary?

uhm altaïr and adha fell in love not a lot of depth to their relationship considering this mustve been over the course of days maybe even a few weeks idk just not a lot of time as it is to uh fall in love but shes engaged so theyve left it at that still not a bad plot point ig but it doesnt affect malik as of yet which undermines this plot point but lets see what happens

leo and sofias interactions are cute i like this leo malik and sofia friendship going on

im not gonna comment on any more incest its obvious this author just has a thing for it and theres so many fics that have incest and if i was to really fight that id do it for the other fics too also i wont comment on their writing as a whole anymore the main issue here is the cultural erasure and fetishisation

these do not affect the plot in any way shape or form, yes its an old 2014 fanfic but the author seems to not give a fuck that theyve written gross things. as well as poorly write islamic characters, it feels like a ‘youre either religious or your not’ and writing things like this is harmful! youre telling readers that muslims are either very harsh (like adha was) or very sweet (like maliks mum for being okay that maliks gay) but what about the catholic side of the family? theres no indication that they’re homophobia stems from religion. also ppl think its okay to just make altaïr unaware of his own heritage and faith? yes hes not muslim per say but hes syrian? his father died young but you can choose to write about the family wanting to help altaïr keep his customs alive. its white. its so white. it makes me more upset that the author will only focus on us disliking incest rather than accept that they’re wrong for cultural erasure. youve told hs that he’s syrian and white but just added that he misses his dad. and u cant defend sexualising kadar at all i wont hear anything about that because what u enjoy in fiction is also a reflection of what you enjoy irl. if you think incest is cool you will have a natural interest of it irl theres a reflection of your interests in your writing. if for example i wrote angst you would naturally expect that i like it or have a connection to it in some way, that i enjoy somehow. but i dont really like angst i could write for it but thats from my experience and thought process. someone who writes smut doesnt mean that they’re sexually active but theyve thought about it, they might’ve done some research to it. do u see what im tryna say? you are actively advancing on your interests when you right about them in fiction, you have a connection to it. if you hated smut someone would assume you hated it irl. the logic applies here too, if you dont like incest irl and it grosses you would simply not read incest in fiction because it grosses you out. if you dont like cultural erasure and sexualising minors irl then why tf would u add it to ur fic? why would u think that the boundary fiction would allow that to be okay? and the thing is micro-aggressions back in 2014 were bad and i know that but the author having had feedback and not even acknowledging it in this day and age is disgusting. ppl say they like sass verse, i have to say the plot of it is interesting but there were so many unnecessary aspects that did not contribute or feel nice to read at all. even if someone uses the excuse that they didnt know smth about islam, i as brown muslim you can not dismiss my feelings towards the way they wrote any muslim characters.

[aro-aizawa]

ty so much for your response hehe!!

yeah when i was younger ppl would be like, oo who do u have a crush on? and i dont think ive ever had one? sure theres been people i find attractive but id rather have close friends?? (qpr please 🤲) idk what crushes are even like too,,,,,,,, r u just obsessed with them??? want to spend time with them????

when my friend confessed his feelings i just kinda. blank screened. i didnt want to really date someone or anyone? friends was better. so the rejection was. Rip.

idk. in an "ideal future" there would be at least one person i love and we live together. to be best friends -- isnt that what the ideal marriage thing is anyway? but i squirm away from even the concept of dating anyway. for you, what do would u like, ideally?

also.... this is kinda funny but for a while i also id'd as asexual panromantic! currently i like queer bc its so versatile and it sums up so much of my (question marked) feelings towards sexuality and gender lol. ooh and also im getting a diagnosis for adhd !!! (same hat! ) (will the drs ever get in contact after the first questionnaire... *stares off into the distance*)

o)-( idk !! i think ill be experimenting for a while heh

(and im glad u liked the question haha, i hoped it wouldnt be crossing any boundaries)

ALSO with allo fandom reminded bc ur url... i really like fics which are focused on family ties!! when fics are always so focused on a single pairing, it doesnt interest me that much. like just caring abt one person and forgetting ur family/ found family also exists (when good family) is kinda... hm. Hm. Hmmmmm.

thank u again for ur rlly good response!! 🥰🥰🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

right???? i mean when i was younger i did have “crushes” but honestly, when i look back at them the ones i had in primary school was either a) a popular boy that all the girls had crushes on or b) a guy who i could potentially befriend and he was so cool i wanted to know him. at the time i didn’t even have anyone pestering me about who i liked bc i had One (1) friend at the time who didn’t care what i thought lmao but i told myself i had those crushes bc i wanted to fit in w the rest of the kids.

and yikes that sounds hard. like, honestly i really do not know if someone confessed that they had a crush on me. i’d probably be flattered on some level? but i’d also be HELLA nervous, probably decide that i’ll at least try it but eventually they’d get disheartened because i never initiated anything. (oops that sounds like how my literal one relationship happened that i never count bc we didn’t have a crush on each other at first until my friend told him that i had a crush on him when i didn’t. and he asked me out bc of it.)

honestly that’s a mood??? i feel like that’d be completely ideal, because as much as i love being on my own and i’m pretty independant, financially that’s not stable at all. i’d love to have a QPP that i can just,,, relax with. decide that i’ve had enough of being on my own and need to lay on top of someone like a cat decides to curl up with another cat. wouldn’t want to share a bed tho bc i can never sleep when sharing lol

nice! and hnkk yeah queer is deffo a good label. personally, not for me. i like calling the community the queer community instead of the lgbt+ community because it’s more inclusive that way but personally i feel like if i ever label that myself people will assume that i’m alloromantic because we live in an amatonormative society, but it’s a v good term. lol what are the odds! i’m not currently on track to receive a diagnosis of adhd just yet, it’s smth i was considering officially getting pre-covid times and then doctors are like “medical emergencies only” and so i’m just kind of,,, waiting for covid restrictions to ease before officially getting that diagnosis on the way. but like. on the down low bc even though my cousin got diagnosed w it, i’d feel like i’m attention seeking by telling my family i have it without an official diagnosis. but yeah rip it’s gonna take me forever to get it.

HARD SAME. i am. just so WEAK for family focused fics, they’re just. god i love them so much. it’s just. why does the allure of romance compell people so much when you can read about this gruff adult taking one look at this hurt child and think “time to find those adoption papers”???? like FORGET the shipping. i’m gonna get sucked into the 940th found family fic i’ve read ever.

(tho i do actually like some ship fics, they have to be well written and not involve the characters i headcanon as aromantic though, otherwise i will close out of that fic so fast. an annoyance in the mha fandom when 85% of the fandom views aizawa as gay and married to his best friend,,,, they just love to shoehorn that side note in there when it has no revelence whatsoever,,,)

[lucky-or-smth-idk]

hey so i just downloaded this app a few weeks ago and i feel like there’s a lot of goofy people on here and amazing humor so i thought i may as well introduce myself and join the fun!! so uh, hi! im lucky. you can literally call me anything though i don’t really care, just be nice if you give me a nickname please ^v^!! if you decide to follow me, message me or check out my posts at any given moment just know there’s gonna be a lot of this:

• “AHHAHAHHAJSSJJSJSJD”

• lowercase letters

• tpyos ;))

• “LMAOOO PLEAS”

• “girl i- take a nap“

• “inch resting”

• :) :> :( :< :l >:l :b >:( >:) <3 </3 :0 etc.

• swag

• unnecessary phrases/puns

• genuine/serious talks

• m e m e

• literally no organization whatsoever i will talk about whatever i want at any given moment just assume it stays within community guidelines

• the home of sexual. the big gay. the whole shabang.

—> some extra facts u didn’t ask for but you’re gonna get anyway because i’m the main character

• yes i’m bisexual

• i am im so so so many fandoms . my god there are so many.

•love me some anime, gaming and comics along with a HINT of some teeny tiny side interests

•frogs and worms and all of the little creatures n critters . that is the entire post gn

• my birthday is in september so that makes me a virgo :0

• i do not fit into one aesthetic. i am an experience

• did i mention i like to meme?

• oh and lastly i may disappear from time to time just because i literally cannot keep my eyes on one app save for discord and maybe tiktok

anyways i’m kind of funny and i hope we can get along or smth, also congrats if you made it to the end of this post i know it’s longer than a ramen noodle. i probably won’t make a lot of posts that are this long though unless it’s something important okay bye cya soon maybe <33!!!

and ignore the tags pls :D

[night-dark-woods]

Are you an exclusionist/anti xenogender?

at work, so i did reread my answer briefly but BEFORE yall take me in the worst possible faith and assume what i mean, just reply to my post or send me another ask lol.

i had to look up xenogender, so nah lol. u do u, whatever floats ur boat. neopronouns are sick and however u want to describe ur experiences is frankly no ones business to have opinions on but urs.

re: "ace discourse"... theres a short and a long answer. (consider it in scarequotes for the rest of this, im just on mobile and lazy).

short answer: ace/aro people are valid, y'all exist & are welcome on my blog/in my irl life, and im not going to question ur experiences of ur life etc! again, none of my business and not my place!

long answer: i think ace discourse as it exists online has very very little bearing on how lgbtq ppl exist irl. i think straight aces/aros need to be mindful of being homophobic in online and irl spaces (eg, saying gay/lesbian/bi as ids are inherently Sexual, using "h*mosexual" as a label for people).

i think people who actively involve thmslvs in ace discourse, in general, make a lot of assumptions abt how anyone who doesnt ID as ace experiences sex/sexual attraction, and tend to disregard how sexuality, race, gender, ability, etc, affect that experience and the prejudices associated w it. i think the idea of some inherent "alloromantic/allosexual" privilege is batshit and deeply removed from the actual systems of power in place in our society. CERTAIN romantic relationships (white, cishet, wealthy, abled, child-bearing) are given societal/legal privileges, but when there r anti-miscegenation laws, being gay is criminalized in much ov the world, and disabled people cannot have savings when they get married, i REALLY dont think you can make an argument that theres some central system of oppression that privileges ALL romantic/sexual relationships lmfao.

i also think "REG" and its varieties are transmisogynistic in that they try to appropriate and expand discussions about terfs to prioritize anything and everything except the transmisogyny & actual physical harm to trans women that that ideology represents.

i also think a lot of people who aggressively call themselves "exclusionist" on here are really, unbelievably shitty to a lot of ace people on here, and thats not smth im ok with either. i think there ARE things to critique about the usage and creation of labels and microidentities in ace discourse, and the harm those can cause, and the way some discussions around consent get twisted to be about ace vs non-ace instead of about, like, rape culture.

anyway, up to u igss if u want to follow/interact? i dont consider myself Either, bc i dont particularly agree with either of the very extreme and opposed and harmful opinions on either side.

hope u have a good day, again feel free to reply/send another ask!

[autisticstarseed]

if u could, perhaps, bless us with all the applicable symbols from that fic ask for hvh 👀

ooOoOOOoOO Rub s gay hands togehter omg ty friend 😍;;;;;;

💡 - What was the motivation behind the story?

hHH i hadnt written in 10+ years so when i latched onto this plot idea i just thought itd be a good time to jump the shark and try it again !! i just wanted smth really edgy and depthful bc im emo and the rest kind of snowballed

💎- What was your favorite part?

osdlfksd;lf it’s hard to pick a fav but the drunk scene was definitely the most fun to write at least

⛰️-  What was the hardest part?

THE SCENE WHERE THE GANG IS KIDNAPPED BY ENKI,,,, i debated toning down the violence but in the end i knew where the story was going (and where its still going) and that its gonNA be kinda dark so why hold back now ig

🎭- What was the feeling or mood you were going for?

BITTERSWEET AF,,, sort of just treading the line of ‘hopeful’ and ‘hopeless’ at all times to fully portray the feeling of being at your lowest, but with that classic tss ‘silver linings just around the corner’ kind of undertone

🏟️- Who was your intended audience?

mostly all the adults that watched tss as a kid and felt like spirituaLLY MOVED BY IT cuz i really tried to tap into that Emotion Tee Em we all felt when we found out that zak was [redacted]

🔬- Was there one scene you were building up to/knew you had to get just right?

hHH theres actually a LOT of scenes like that and i think a lot of my general motivation to keep going comes from that ‘WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT’ vibe slkdf:SDF but the Plot Twist tm in the latest chapter was definitely a big’n, and theres a few more of those still to come :^)

🗝️ - What were you thinking when you wrote it?

kjdjFSDs:DF tbh whenever i start really writing, [’im shifting into soup mode’ seinfeld meme voice] im shifting into maladaptive daydreaming mode

🎥- Were there any tv shows, books, or movies that influenced this verse, if any?

:^) devilman crybaby pls forgive me for everytHing

📈- Was there a clear character arch you wanted____ character to go on?

i actually have a short list of what i somewhat consider to be the story arcs in my notes !! mostly just for organization and obvs i wont list the future ones but so far we’ve seen the kushtaka arc, the enki arc, and now we’re in what i call ‘the annunaki’ arc.

🎢- Were there any scenes you were nervous about? For audience reception or otherwise?

ALL OF IT JSHDJSKD, but again a lot of the enki scenes i was worried would be too edgy TM, and the whole annunaki plot as well i was worried might be too ‘out there’ for ppl, but it takes the story exactly where i always wanted it and lines everything up perfectly so i went for it lol. i was also ofc worried if people would like ila or not bc oc but most ppl love her actually which is so 😭❤️

☠️- Did you consider killing off any of the characters? Did you?

8^) [mickey mouse voice] this is a surprise tool that will help us later ,

✉️- Did you title your chapters? What title do you like best?

yes! the next one actually has my favorite chapter title yet, but so far i like ‘so strikes the harpoon’ since its a throwback to the first couple chapters

☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

o every single paragraph is an overly thought out middle school poem im entering in the talent show actually

🎵- Did you have a playlist/piece of music that went with this story?

Yes !! i have HVH insp part 1, Part 2, and an extra one for all those songs that have the vibes but just dont fit enough to make sense in a playlist

📜-Do you want to write something like this again in the future?

probably ! ive learned i definitely like the edgy/darker and emotionally driven stories with ongoing plot, so that trend will almost definitely continue. idk if ill write a dystopia again anytime soon, but i think my future stuff will at least retain that long and heavy vibe

💁- Did readers influence/change any part of this story?

oh yEA like basically i was ready to quit after the very first chapter before it was even written and kinda just got it all out on a whim of motivation but was expecting to flake on it like i tend to do with projects, but the invested response to it was just so uplifting that its what ive been riding on all ten chapters and im so grateful for it :’)))

✏️-Would you go back and change anything if you could?

hHHHHHHH yes and ok this is terrible but i actually tend to avoid re-reading my older chapters until i hAVe to bc i suffer from that sO much ,,, , its just little things like tiny words i wanna change or bits i wanna take out/put in and once or twice ive even caught a mistake or plot hole/smth i forgot to add that i rly do have to go back and edit and i just turn to dust every tim e

⭐- What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

i really liked the northern lights scene!! it was meant to be a pivotal moment of that ‘bittersweetness’ vibe i was talking abt and it was another one of those scenes i had been planning for a while;;;

“ I think of how much the rest of the family would love this. This isn’t like the moon and the sun, where I can see it and know that even if it looks different, they’ll see the same one soon enough, wherever they are. This reminds me only that I am not with them. It stings. It seems unnatural for something so gentle and natural to appear before us as if we aren’t in complete, total fucking chaos. After all we’ve been through, and the sky still dances. “

📣-What was the best piece of encouragement you got?

AVERY ALL OF UR LIVEBL OGS AND COMMENTS GIV ME SUCH L I FE, ,, ,, CRYIGN CAT FA ce

🔦-Did you learn anything while writing it? About yourself? Writing?

isdfhSDF YEs, part of my hesitation to write came from this thing where i always just assumed there was a wildly high standard of writing in fandom spaces like in original literature spaces, where you had to have like 10+ sentences to a paragraph and you had to describe every tiny detail of a setting and you had to follow every single grammar rule or it was unreadable but like. genuinely its like sculpting with words as long as you have a shape ppl get the idea which is such a weight off my shoulders lol, its still a lot of work but so much fun to know i can to an extent do what i want and ppl actually like it like that. i also learned that like most other writers i have to cause my favs emotional and physical pain,

🎁- Any writing advice for people who want to write something like this?

hhHHHH 1. please do it its so fun just give in to the edge my guy , 2. try to get comfortable re-reading your chapters, for me its like when ppl listen to themselves sing/act but im trying to do better bc its so much more consistent when i keep it fresh in my mind and it also boosts confidence when u can pick out the things u like instead of the things u dont, 3. trying to have at least one scene in mind for each chapter that ur excited to write so u can have motivation to update faster! for me it doesnt have to be smth i think would excite the audience either like it could be the most basic thing but just having an idea of it and knowing i want to see it come to life rly helps me stay on top of it all

TY SM FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN x x )

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[eiwyn]

NON ADOPTEES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND FUXKING LISTEN

i just saw a stupid fcking post with obviously white non-adopted feminists tryna look good and openminded and progressive and understanding by promoting adoption without having any idea what they’re talking about lmao can someone just kill me already. why is adoption so romanticized? why do ppl think adoptes just ”wait” to get adopted and that adoptive parents are some sort of ”heros” or ”good people” for adopting??? why do white rich ppl think they have MORE right to have another persons child than the fuxking biological parent themselves?? that must be like the most toxic mindset and its SOOOOO typical white rich ppl and their savior complex. THEY know BETTER on how to take care of brown poor peoples children than themselves. like this is just colonial bullshit. you’re stealing poor brown peoples children and excuse yourself with ”knowing better”????? you have every fucking money and privilege in the WORLD to help brown poor people to stay with their children or use birth control, yet you DONT!!!! bc you USE them to boost your disgusting white rich savior image. im so triggered by non-adoptees talking about adoption. that post had like 200k + and im just here like.... youre all fucking stupid. honestly. ITS NOT THAT EASY, STOP TREATING US AS OBJEVTS, STOP TALKING OVER OUR HEADS AND START LISTEN TO ACTUAL ADOPTEES god i hate them so much lmaooo. its just SO FUCKING CRINGE, they literally out there wanna feel good about themselves for being so ”openminded” and ”seeing adoptees as children lile their own” like wow you want a fucking prize or smth?? they act like the prejudices they face are the WORST ever when in fact, the prejudices adoptees face from their adoptive parents are WAY worse than any random stranger saying ”i could never adopt”. i just wanna say that adoption isn’t something good and anyone who thinks that is dumb af and can unfollow me right now. now repeat after me; ASOPTION IS NOT GOOD. ADOPTION IS TRQUMA. like why would it be GOOD TO BE ABANDONED BY YOUR PARENTS, HAVING TRAUMATIC ISSUES, THEN GET YOURSELF A PAIR OF WHITE ADOPTIVE PARENTS WHO ACT AS OF THEY DID YOU A SERVICE BY ADOPTING??? adoptive parents dont want to help children lmaoo. they just want a child + feel good about themselves. white rich adoptive parents have EVERY PRIVILEGE IN THE WORLD to help poor brown families stay together, wether its about birth control or financial contribution and less racism. but nope, they don’t. because they know they can use these poor people to adopt their children. it’s capitalism and colonialism in a nutshell. rich ppl loves to think they help poor people by exploiting them as if they were slaves. and white ppl loves to exploit brown ppl and take their babies and ”assimilate”, ”civilize” them. i hate white feminists who think adoption is the solution to everything. i hate white feminists who think poc and gays and poor ppl should adopt more because ”thats so progressive and diverse” without thinking of the DAMAGE adoption caused children?? like lmao you think its fun to be shipped around the first few years of your life??? you think this will just ”get better” later? (you fucking inhumane piece of shit. i got big abandonment issues and im emotionally unstable which has caused me to fuck up many relationships, only making my abandonment issues growing stronger. and thats probably smth i’ll have to learn to live with for the rest of mt life. fick you.) you promote for minority and oppressed groups to adopt without even realizing that its THESE GROUPS adoptees come from?? like maybe you should HELP THEM keep their children instead?? i know whites in the america who make like campaings and shit so ppl can DONATE to them so they can ADOPT????? but they cant even help the MOTHER to KEEP her child???? not to talk about sweden were adoptive parents get 80k to adopt bc ”poor ppl should also be able to adopt” but us ADOPTEES dont get ANYTHING to be able to revisit our home countries??? no instead we have to pay a membership flr these disgusting adoption orgnakzations, tell them our whole life story and our revisit and PROMOTE their organisation so OTHER adoptees will pay them and OTHER adoptive parents wanna adopt with them??? yeah. unpopular opinion but adoption is fucked up. adoption isnt a human right, no one has the right to take another persons child. however the CHILD has the right to know who their parents are and where they come from. adoption is nothing but human trafficking and capitalism, racism, colonialism and sexism all in one. and i refuse to think otherwise. also if you’re not adopted, then dont fucking speak about us. dont fucking talk about us. you think you’re our allies LMAO you think its us ”adoptive parents and adoptees against the evil ignorant racists” but you’re fuxking wrong. its US ADOPTEES agains adoptive parents and adoptive prganisations constantly trying to profit from our seperstion with our biological families. youre not our fkn allies, you dont undersyand shit. do you know how many times ive spent my free time in trying to educate adoptive parents FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR CHILDREN and they dont undersyand nor care a shit?? its not bc they’re stupid. i grew up with the same parents, i learn everytjing mysELF (thanks to other adoptees, thanks to my experiences as a brown adopted woman and thanks to my interest for polticis and human rights). if I CAN DO IT SO CAN YOU. ppl get so triggered when adoptees question adoption y’all be like ”omg u must have had a shit childhood im so sorry for you”, ”wow youre SOOO ungrateful!!! you should just have been a child prostitute back in asia then???” (lmao that says a lot about tour fucking reasons bejind adopting and your fucking pride. so many adoptees being threatened to be sent back, guilt tripping them, which definitely is abuse but no one gives af about that). people get so triggered by adoptees questioning adoption but they dont undersyand my adoption isn’t better or worse than anyone elses. ppl assume im mentally ill or hate my adoptive parents but in reality i just hate capitalism, racism, sexism and classism. like its not that hard to understand lmao. ITS COMMON FUCKING SENSE YOU CANT CLAIM TO CARE ABOUT WOMEN, POC OR POOR PEOPLE WITHOUT VARING ABOUT ADORPEES. yet its SOOOO taboo to claim youre against adoption bc adoption is so romanticized due to all the whites saving war orphans. its not adoption ”in itself” im against FUCKING OBVIOUSLY but the INDUSTRY. like idgaf if your step father, who’s been your stepfather since u were 2 after your biological dad died, adopts you?? im obviously against the exploitation of poor people but that is SOOOO TABOO even among ”feminists” which i find so fkn weird tbh and EXTREMELY hypocritical. adoption is a feminist issue, yet no one gives af. if you’re one of those people promoting adoption, CLAIMING to care about us, but agtually u just want money/children and to look good then fuck you block my ass and dont ever look at a child ever fuxking again.

[crabfin]

10 and 28

10. dog gay or cat gay?

dog gay but only because im allergic to cats

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

whoooo boy im gonna ramble for my answer to this one so its going under the cut

 Im gonna be honest, i actually hate this question. because like. i hate the concept of having to ‘come out’. i hate that that’s a thing queer people have to do. i mostly just wanna exist as me and other people can deal with it. 

and ok like, the thing is CisHets Wont Stop Assuming Everyone Else Is CisHet so... queer people have to continue coming out for the rest of our lives so I dont just have 1 or 2 coming out stories, i have several.

but anyways.

so like, am i out- yes? mostly?

 its different between my gender and sexuality and my level of ‘outness’ varies between different groups. but most people know im some shade of queer

As for how i came out, i think when i first actually came out as bisexual it was in middle school and i told my friend over facebook. She identified as a lesbian at the time and apologized to her for being Diet Homophobic™ and thats all i remember about it. I guess i told the rest of the friend group at school the next day.

the thing i did to come out as trans initially was kinda dumb but i wrote ‘max was here’ on my friends paper and she was like ‘omg are you max? do you want me to call u that?’ or smth and i was like ‘haha yeah can you call me,, that ,,, from now on,, thanks’ and then i guess i explained the whole trans thing and she p much told everyone else? i dont actually remember much about it

after some point i got tired of like... having to tell people so it just kinda became a thing that i like... dont hide it but dont really tell people unless they ask? or i tell them when they Assume im one of them and start being phobic and im just like Hey. Buddy. That’s Not Cool.

its especially like, been a Thing since my gender identity has swayed a lot over the last few years but [shrugs] thats what happens. i appreciate the people who have been patient with me as i figured myself out, lol.

[birlcholtz]

Ch. 8: come home (to you, to us)

ao3 | ch. 1 | part of the zimbits airport au

About half an hour later, Bitty hears the garage door open and close, and then Coach and Suzanne’s muffled voices. Nobody comes upstairs to find him, so he disregards it and goes back to rambling in the old group chat that Shitty had insisted on keeping around— even once he, Lardo, Ransom, and Holster had graduated and Bitty was the only group chat member still at Samwell, Shitty claimed it was ‘his duty’ to give them updates on what was going on.

Bitty: i mean what am i even supposed to do now that i don’t have hockey as motivation to exercise

Bitty: running is gross

Bitty: punching bags are just.... ew, not good

Bitty: weights are meh

Bitty: i can’t just do squats???

Ransom: well jack’s solution to that problem was to join a pro hockey team

Bitty: i’m not getting paid to exercise

Holster: u should like

Holster: join an amateur league

Holster: or smth

Lardo: dude just accept that you can’t afford a car and public transportation is expensive and you’re gonna have to walk everywhere

Lardo: gettin those 10000 steps a day

Lardo: millennial exercise

Shitty: stop being depressing in the group chat LARDO

Shitty: (but she’s right)

Bitty: ew reality

Ransom: can u get a gym membership?

Bitty: not until i have money

Holster: burn calories by running away from your problems

Holster: zoom

Shitty: hOLSTER

Holster: shits ur literally still in school u don’t have to deal with this yet

Shitty: truE BUT STILL

Holster: u small bean

Shitty: ...bitch???

After that, the group chat moves at lightspeed, and Bitty’s content just to sit back and watch it happen. He counts no less than eight invocations of Holster’s age and size advantage and three of Shitty’s mustache. It’s only when there are soft footsteps in the hallway and a knock on Bitty’s door that he realizes how long he’s been sitting there watching his fellow alums (oh God) descend into a near brawl.

“Hey, Dicky,” his mother says when he gets up and opens the door. “Dinner’s ready, if you want it now. If not, we’ll save some for you and you can heat it up when you’re hungry. Your father told me you’re having a rough day.”

Bitty sighs. “It’s been a trying one,” he offers, and Suzanne nods in acknowledgement. He takes the now-empty plate of pralines, since there’s no point in leaving it in his room, and they walk downstairs in silence.

Dinner is interesting in that it’s so different from usual. Suzanne is willing to avoid making Bitty talk, but for once it’s Coach who carries the conversation. He carefully steers it away from Bitty at every opportunity, which is nice of him, but Bitty is completely verbal, he’s just... well, he’s tired. The tears left him feeling dried-up, almost, and Bitty doesn’t have enough energy to be emotional. He probably should’ve taken a nap before dinner, but it’s too late now. He can just go to bed early and hope that sleep serves as a reset of some sort— maybe he won’t wake up feeling so drained.

“Oh, and I’m hoping you can tell me what happened to all of those pralines that we made,” Suzanne says to Coach with a faint smile as she takes the third-to-last piece of garlic bread. “Funnily enough, a lot of them seemed to have vanished by the time I got home.”

“That was mostly me,” Bitty speaks up. His parents glance over at him in surprise, probably because he hasn’t been saying anything. “But Coach started it.”

When Suzanne looks over at Coach to confirm or deny that, he just shrugs.

“Well, alright then,” she says, and moves on while Bitty is still wondering if he should take the opportunity in front of him. She’s asking Coach about the plans for new locker rooms at the high school before he can say anything else.

Bitty finishes his food in silence, and then sits and stares at the table, not wanting to go to bed with the prospect of telling his mother still hanging over his head, but not wanting to say the words either. There’s no lead-in this time, no convenient discussion of roommates that he can use to bring it up. So how?

Coach must have assumed that Bitty’s not going to tell Suzanne tonight, because he’s still determinedly talking at length about how the team will have more locker space to store their gear. He’s only just started extolling the virtues of the new lighting when Bitty folds up his napkin and sets it neatly on the placemat. When he stands up, both of his parents look at him in surprise, and the force that he pushed his chair back with probably was surprising.

Bitty picks up his plate and cup to take to the dishwasher before saying, “Mom, I’m gay.”

The words come out calmer than he’d expected.

Suzanne blinks.

“I’m gay,” he repeats. “And I’m dating Jack Zimmermann.”

Then he puts his cup and plate in the sink and goes up to his room and shuts the door and sits on his bed and squeezes Señor Bun’s paw with one hand while he unlocks his phone with the other and composes three texts and sends them off.

The first one is to last year’s starting line. Chowder, Nursey, Dex, Whiskey, and Tango. Bitty reserves more personal things for this group chat instead of the team-wide one— not just because he was the captain, but also because there are only so many people he actually wants to vent about his life to. Hey y’all, just came out to my mom, send good vibes my way pls.

The second is to the same alumni groupchat that only just finished calming the fuck down. sooo now my mom knows im gay and that i have a boyfriend, am currently waiting in my room hoping that when i come back down things will be ok. left b4 she cld react.

The third is to Jack. told my mom, went to my room without waiting to see how she reacted. gonna go back down and see what the fallout is in like half an hour. i have a bag packed just in case, i’ll let you know if i’m coming over.

Jack responds immediately, as do other people who’d gotten one of his first two texts, but Bitty answers Jack’s first.

Jack: I have a rental car if you need a ride. Just let me know.

Bitty: i don’t think i will, but i’ll call and give u an update once i know more

Bitty: rn i’m just killing time

Jack: I’ll call you in an hour to check in if I don’t hear from you before then.

Bitty: talk to u in a lil bit

The two group chats that he’s texted have blown up over the course of his short conversation with Jack, mostly expressions of hope from the frogs and tadpoles and calm texts from the other alums meant to reassure. Bitty sends the frogs and tadpoles a quick thank you before turning to the other group chat.

Bitty: i have a contingency plan if things go horribly bad

Bitty: but my dad is ok w it

Bitty: so im giving him and my mom time to talk before i go back down there

Lardo: i think that’s a good idea

Holster: Pls. keep us updated about what’s happening.

Holster: Ransom is in the shower but he says if you need help w. anything hit us up.

Holster: (I concur)

Lardo: same, i already said u can crash on our couch, it’s ok if u want to stay here for a while

Lardo: but if ur dad is fine w it then i’m sure ur mom will be too

Shitty: ^^^^^

Shitty: dw

Shitty: #smhgotyourback

Holster: shitty i have been a college graduate for over a year and i’m crying over a gd hashtag.

Holster: why

Shitty: u know it’s true brah

Bitty’s stomach hurts when he walks downstairs, nauseous anticipation. He feels tense. His shoulders are hunched practically up to his ears.

He drops his bag in the front hallway before turning and walking into the kitchen. Suzanne and Coach are there, still sitting at the table. There are three glasses of sweet tea. Without that clue, Bitty wouldn’t have thought that they’d gotten up at all.

“Please sit down, Dicky,” Suzanne says when she sees him standing in the doorway.

Bitty sits, and for a little while, that’s what they do. Sit in silence. Until she sighs and says, “I will admit that whenever I pictured my future family, I always thought that my child would be straight.” She looks tired. “Although I can’t say I’m exactly surprised, either.”

Coach takes a sip of his tea.

“I’m not going to pretend to understand, because I don’t,” Suzanne says. “But I love you. You’re still my son, Eric Richard Bittle Junior. You still bake and you still skate and you’re still going to Boston to find a job in a week. None of that has changed.”

“No, it hasn’t,” Bitty agrees quietly.

“And I don’t want you going halfway across the country thinking I don’t love you, or you’re disowned, because neither of those things are true. I won’t lie to you and say it’s a great idea to tell the rest of the family— I’m sure you’ve already thought about that— but when it comes down to it, family you see twice a year aren’t as important as family you’re with every day, and I’m sure you know that too.” She drinks some of her tea. “I just hope that home doesn’t become such a painful place for you that you can never come back. Even if it’s just for a visit.”

“I haven’t left yet, Mama.”

Suzanne sniffs. Coach silently gets up and brings back a box of tissues, setting it on the table equidistant from his wife and his son. “That is true, isn’t it. I’m not letting you leave without trying that pot roast.”

Bitty smiles a little. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

Bitty: it went ok

Chowder: that’s great!!!! congratulations!!!!!!!

Nursey: good to know

Tango: are u still coming up to mass. for the summer or are u staying there??

Bitty: still coming to boston!

Dex: see you soon then!

Whiskey: :) :) :)

Bitty: she’s not thrilled but she’s ok w it

Lardo: fuckin called it

Holster: excuse u u did not call anything

Lardo: umm yes i did???

Ransom: that’s good to hear bitty, we’re v happy for u except holster is busy being irritated at lardo? apparently?

Shitty: congrats brah, that’s a big thing you just did

Shitty: totally celebrating when u get here

Bitty: so overall everything went fine, my mom is not exactly ecstatic but she’s happy i told her

Bitty: oh and my parents want to meet u since i mentioned u were staying in madison for a little while?

Bitty: ur officially invited to the bittle residence on tuesday for pot roast

Jack: I’ll be there. How do you feel?

Bitty: lighter i guess?

Bitty: it hasn’t sunk in that i’m rlly out to both of my parents and it went ok

Jack: It’ll sink in eventually.

Bitty: yup

Jack: And you also never have to come out to your parents again.

Bitty: that’s a definite plus

Jack: Go to sleep early okay? You sound exhausted.

Bitty: i am

Bitty: yeah i’m gonna do that now. gn, ttyl, love you <3

Jack: I love you too. <3 <3 <3 <3

Jack: Talk to you tomorrow.

Bitty: :)

Jack: :-)