#the reflux is INSANE today

[halogalopaghost]

APPARENTLY mental and emotional exertion/stress can cause fibro flare ups just as much as physical exertion >:T sooooo I probably caused this by writing 7k over like three days WHATEVER

[idyllcy]

oops... i got married || TO SOME STRANGER!??!?!?

word count: 1.4k || Fic 5 of oops... i got married

summary: I'm gonna be fr with you. Your new malewife is a little sus

You get married as a joke.

Yes, there are limits to how much you can drink. Yes, there are limits to how insane you can get while drunk— but apparently getting married is not within that limit. You get married to some random guy— SERIOUSLY. SOME RANDOM DUDE. You wake up to a legally signed marriage document and them in your kitchen, and you blink at the confirmation email on your phone and then at your new lover at the door.

"You're going to be late for class."

"What the fuck?!" 

You pause at the sight of your new husband, some random man, white hair and red eyes, and you pause. Did you get transmigrated? Are you in an isekai fic? Is this your main character moment? Seriously, how the hell did you manage to bag some random ass man!???!!? WHAT. WHY IS HE HOT.

"Wait." You pause. "How do you know I have class?"

"The backpack." He points. "Now, hurry on up now."

That does NOT explain how the hell you met your husband. Yet, you don't have time, grabbing breakfast from his hand as he waves goodbye to you at the door. Great day to pay expensive ass rent but live right next to campus. You wonder if your husband lives someone. You feel kind of bad that he had to take you home after you got plastered yesterday. But. That does not excuse the fact that he looked suspicious as fuck while staring at you sleep. Also, how the hell did he agree to marrying you? WHY.

You huff as you walk back to class, pausing and blinking when a piece of the ceiling breaks off and slams into where you were sitting, somehow missing all of your belongings by a hair. You blink, stupefied, grabbing your stuff from under the ceiling as you evacuate the lecture with the rest of the students. Someone hates you... or something. You don't know. You're surprised you didn't just die while drunk. Sometimes pianos fall out of the air and try to bomb you. Also, you have a husband to go home to now! He'd be sad if you suddenly died... right?

Wait. What even is his name?

"Casper." Your husband rolls his eyes as you pout. "You forgot your own husband's name?"

"Uh huh." You blink. "Are you just going to be my househusband now?"

"I don't see why not. Anything interesting happen today?"

"Oh!" You grin. "A piece of the ceiling slammed into my seat, but luckily for me I was in the bathroom. My stomach problems saved me for once."

Your husband gives you a smile half between concern and amusement. (he would have to try harder next time— what. that was not him. who said that.) 

"I'm glad you're safe."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm." He pauses. "Do you get acid reflux in the morning?"

"If I eat and sleep immediately after." You mumble. "Why?"

"Hotpot." He hums. "Spicy hotpot. Eat up."

Your eyes light up, brightening as he hands you a bowl of rice, watching as you dig in, humming happily as you watch him put his own bowl down.

"Is it good?"

"Mhm!" You beam. "Where'd you learn to cook?"

"I live alone." He hums. "Someone has to do the housework around my place."

"How about currently?"

"I live a little... far away." He pauses. "It would be hard for me to see you every day if I don't live at your place. Besides, my job is in the area."

"Will you move here? Or..."

"No. My management provides housing for free." He smiles. "Oh, the food's going to get cold."

You pause. "Can I apply?"

"No. We don't take applications."

"WHAT." You groan. "Ugh. I knew it was too good to be true. You probably sold your soul for it or something."

Casper doesn't speak up, placing a slice of lotus root in your bowl. "Eat up."

You raise a brow but don't pry further. It's not your problem if your husband sold his soul. At least he's hot.

Maybe he's secretly trying to eat your soul... demons... that checks out honestly. You did have a bad stroke of luck when it came to unfortunate situations, and you had an even more comedic one when it came to avoiding them. Always nearby, never you. You wonder if that would curse your husband. Though, from the looks of it, your husband would probably steal someone's soul before that curse could even lay a hand on him.

"What are you looking at?"

"You're very hot." You grin.

You laugh when you notice your husband turn red.

The vast majority of your days pass relatively calmly, and you grow into a comfortable pattern with your husband... that is until your husband shows up with a black card and tells you that he can cover rent for the rest of your life— that raises some questions. What does your husband even do for work? What is he doing with his life? How the hell does he have a better credit score than you? Where is his money even coming from?!

You force him into the corner of your house one afternoon with a broom in hand.

"Sunshine, I really think—"

"Spit it out." You stare him down. "What do you do for work. I refuse to believe I'm in a kdrama, so spit out something you can back up."

Casper presses his back against the wall, eyes darting to the wall as you shake the broom at him, and he grimaces.

"I'll get fired if I tell you—"

"NO ONE HAS A CAMERA IN MY HOUSE SO SPIT IT OUT"

"I'm a grim reaper."

You pause, blinking at your husband, words processing in your brain.

"I'm a grim—"

"They hire people for that?!" You blurt, pausing. "Wait. No. You're spouting nonsense at me."

"I am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"Are!"

"Not!" Casper turns around to face you, shaking as your grip tightens around the broom. "Please... go through my closet?"

"So your job is literally... murder?" You pause. "My stay at home househusband is secretly some insane man who goes around killing people?!"

"It's not—"

"Then what is it?!" You raise a brow at him, unconvinced.

"We get a list." He sighs. "And we get everyone's name."

"Wait." You pause. "Why the hell did you agree to marry me then!?"

"That's not—"

You shake the broom at him.

"You were supposed to die years ago but kept avoiding death so I've just decided to marry you to see WHY you're not DYING." Casper braces himself for the broom's impact, but you're too stupefied to give him a proper answer.

"I'm supposed to be dead?"

"Well..." He grimaces. "You can't really... die." 

"I'm immortal?"

"Your... soul." He pauses, turning his head to the side. "Your soul is endless, and you constantly give life to those around you... including me."

You pause. "So you married me because I'm a natural healer? Wait. No. You married me to kill me?! This isn't some josei manga, you know?!"

"Yes, but." Casper sighs, shoulders relaxing as you drop the broom. "You are so lovely."

"You're just saying that."

"I am not." He mumbles. "I would have just taken your soul if you were not."

"Oh, so this is pretty privilege?"

"It's not—"

"Wow, Caspie. I thought you actually loved me." You pretend to sigh. 

"I do—"

"You didn't kill me because you think I'm lovely? If that doesn't—"

Casper grabs your wrists, holding them in place as he blinks at you, grumbling. "Would you shut up and listen to me for just a second? Goodness, sunshine, I love you. I'd go mad if I did not have you as my beloved."

You tilt your head at him, and he sighs.

"I love you. I'm not going to try killing you anymore."

You sigh, shaking your wrists loose as you press your lips to his, humming. Casper doesn't argue with it, humming as his lips slot against yours, hands moving down to your waist. 

"So we aren't getting a divorce?" You mumble.

"No." He grumbles. "What do you want for dinner?"

A smirk spreads on your face as he sighs.

Still. He loves you.

[kores-pomegranate]

Buckle up tumblr I have the gayest story ever to share with you today.

Once upon a time me and my girlfriend both had acid reflux (because we fucked too much and ate too little and went into an insane calorie deficit). I made the comment that she should drink some milk because it helps settle stomachs. She was like yeah, I’ve heard that before and then we were both like…ugh milk just sounds so gnarly right now though. And then I thought about it more and I was like…wait that’s a terrible idea milk is acidic, why the fuck is that a thing people say to do

Then we both started laughing hysterically especially because I LITERALLY TAUGHT pH LABS FOR *YEARS* and I KNOW that milk is acidic 🤣🤣🤣

Anyway it turned into a whole bit of us pretending to be plague doctors who recommended milk to patients with “spicy stomachs” because the “cold and creamy soothes the hot and spicy” and their humours were obviously fucked. It was so funny and we kept the characters going for a while after

Because I commit to a bit way too hard, I sent her a plague doctor plushie. She also commits way too hard so in return she sent me the plague nurse

Now Doc and Babs are boyfriend and girlfriend and every time me and @asphodel-n-mint see each other, Doc and Babs get to see each other

Yes that is them cuddling on the bed in the background of my strongman selfie

I mean it when I say we’ve taken this to an absurd level. Here are Doc and Babs FaceTiming like boomers

And us FaceTiming WITH them while we were on a watch party date

Well, recently the company came out with cottagecore versions of these plushies and I obviously n e e d e d them. I sent my girlfriend the girl one because Doc obviously needed a friend. She named her Nita and it’s damn adorable.

In keeping with tradition, my beautiful girlfriend sent me the boy one. I named him Barry (like “berry,” get it??) and he is also damn adorable.

And that’s the story of how I came to have two plague doctor plushies who get to visit their partners every time I visit mine.

[deadweight-at7am]

Last night was back to school night and while I was sitting in the auditorium I got this WICKED surge of acid reflux. Like, painful as hell. It rarely happens to me and boy, this one hurt like a bitch. So now my throat is sore. It was so random, too. I had eaten a small meal and nothing was super spicy? Getting older is so lame. I need to start carrying Tums on me at all times.

Two people on my street are doing some work on their houses. One person is fully gut-renovating a house and another is doing something, IDK what. Both Vincent and I were woken up this morning (super early) by the idiot driver of some delivery for this house across the street honking their horn OVER AND OVER again at like 7am. Are you fucking insane? I hate whenever someone is doing something on this street, the work crews that come out here are ridiculous and don't give a god damn about anyone else. Almost every day there is another truck parked in our alley completely blocking my way in and out from my driveway.

The debate was an actual shit show. I didn't watch, just got the highlight reel today. I can't say I was surprised. Kamala looked and sounded great, Trump sounded like he needs a neuro-cog eval. He seems very demented to me, after all that bloviating about Joe Biden being "sleepy", he looks far worse. Can't follow a line of thought. The race-baiting BS about Haitians eating people's cats and dogs was truly a masterpiece. If she doesn't win I will be absolutely floored. There's no way we're going to re-elect this incompetent loser.

[kitsoa]

So. I've been running with a lot of anxiety lately because my voice recovery is such that I'm still getting frequently fatigued. I'm remarkably sensitive to my reflux, phlegminess, sleeping wrong, it all translates to a slight burn or ache that has me paranoid that something is messed up. But. I had my scope yesterday and the doctor says it looks great and the folds are vibrating well. I got to see it for myself ( I did after the surgery too but that was before I had time to screw things up ya know). It's a relief to know that I'm almost done with this insane year.

The doc says the fatigue is understandable. I'm still building my strength up, but I can't help but get nervous that this is like... my life now. Speaking softly and carefully. Unable to project or converse casually. Today was the first day of Teacher work week. We get the students back on the 19th. And I was not sure what approach to have with my colleagues.

I promote a narrative of positivity but I'm literally thinking about my voice the entire time, guaging for strain and controlling the pitch so I don't dip too low and stress things out. But I made a point to speak when I really wanted to and use my amplification when I needed to.

And it's the end of the day right now and I felt by mid day things were vibrating easier. I was still needing a break every so often. And sometimes I would really feel it for a bit after, but there was something normal there. It was a relief. I think, as long as I warm up (and I mean I'll try to do a longer warm up than I did today. Lesson learned) and as long as I continue to be gentle with my limits, I'll get my strength back. I definitely think there are ups and downs to this process and I'm not entirely used to that kind of nonlinear journey... but I'm gonna be fine.

I'm going to have a speech therapist who specializes in singing get in touch with me. I'm hopeful that they can put me on the right path to conditioning my singing voice in a healthy way. (The vocalizing I've done thus far has been very tame. I'm capable of a big sound with my operatic arias). I can't see me ready for the holidays but maybe I can sing by January. I should pick out a come back song....

[winterwrist]

Wins of the day:

1. Went on a bus I've never been on before

2. Went alone to a loud and confusingly built mall full of people

3. Found and purchased the stuff I needed

4. Played ten more minutes of Skyrim even though there was in fact a dragon

5. Communicated with mother

6. Have not yet died of heatstroke!

Worst parts of the day:

1. Had to wade through a parade of elementary school kids

2. Barista fucked up my coffee

3. Too warm, makes my skin feel like I'm being stung by bees

4. Being at a mall

5. Reflux going insane today

6. Being exluded by friends

Highlights of the day:

1. "Your mom" written on the pavement

2. Read book! Chapter was funny!

3. Finding everything I needed

[soupwife]

All I had today was rice broth and green beans and I still have acid reflux even with my insane dosage of prilosec literally what do you want from me :(((((

[lovedlovingly]

been trying to end so many projects since last week, I have been going insane w/ all I've decided to do this fall and stressed myself to constant acid reflux and suicidal tendencies 😭 so now we're back to just focusing on being ourselves & ending stress! (this while ignoring my therapy homework teehee 💗💗) today I finished up 2 things finally!!! a few more huge projects to go, but I just want more time for my friends 🥲 it's so hard to be a good friend when you're low, and having no time isn't helping!!!

[sluntch]

A New Challenger Appears - A Writing Experiment - Day 5

Welcome back, if you've been here before. Welcome if you haven't (and also you've got some catching up to do). Today, we deal with a mystery illness and take a bit of a sidetrack from the diet specifically. This one kind of gets turbo personal and a bit NSFW. Ye be warned to continue from here on in. Here we go.

So throughout all of this dieting and going to the doctor and "taking care of myself" or whatever, the doctor's major concern is that I have high blood pressure and that my potassium is, what many in the business would call, "dangerously low". I get a bunch of meds prescribed to me. I currently take 6 different medications at varying points throughout the day, even though none of them have actually managed to lower my blood pressure effectively and the potassium levels have been held in a fairly decent range due to the supplement I'm taking specifically for it. The potassium being the doc's primary concern out of those two led her to refer me to a nephrologist which is a kidney doctor and a word I didn't know existed until I was referred to one. The thought process was that the potassium was being leaked or something through my kidneys and that they, in particular, needed to be checked. In the meantime, everything else also seems to be completely falling apart.

The previous information and procedure all took place over the course of about 10 months. The nephrology appointment took place in August 2023 and was the point at which motion was finally taken to get things rolling in the right direction. Before that point, though, a lot of other stuff started going wrong. Early in the year, I began to have fluid just stick in my retinas, causing blurred vision and issues seeing things, especially in the dark. The eye doctor I saw told me it should go away on it's own and may be related to stress. He referred me to an ophthalmologist who told me the same thing. Ok great! It doesn't go away. It actually gets WORSE, if you can believe it. At the same time, I lose all libido entirely. Like nothing, ever, for months on end. My body, specifically my legs, get insanely weak. We're talking so weak that I can barely walk up the stairs carrying my own weight, let alone anything else, without becoming winded. Wounds I get on my body don't heal quickly, if at all, and some ooze this clear liquid. Bruises stick around for a long time. My hair begins thinning. My face starts to swell up and is very red. This all progresses and worsens over the course of Oct 2022 to Aug 2023. In addition, the swelling from the Venous Reflux - yes, the one I got an expensive surgery to try and fix - is still there. So at this point, I'm starting to get pretty concerned, as is my wife.

The nephrologist appointment led to a short bit of information (the doctor spoke in broad terms and mentioned trying to rule out certain rare diseases), a new medication (the 6th, overall), and an ultrasound of my kidneys. The ultrasound revealed no issues with the kidneys. Dillon, whose mother is a doctor (this will be relevant in a second), while I was over hanging out, did some googling after the ultrasound follow-up appointment. He began reading me the symptoms of something he was reading off of his phone. While he read, we discovered I had every single symptom he was reading. The "something" was called Cushing Syndrome, a disease I had never heard of. As a point, I feel, it's not a great sign when you have every symptom of a disease. Cushing is caused by an excess production of the hormone Cortisol, sometimes known as the "stress hormone". That Cortisol overproduction can be caused by few things: Taking glucocorticoid medications (which don't do) or one of three types of tumors - an adrenal tumor that could be cancerous, a lung tumor that could be cancerous, or a pituitary tumor that is rarely, if ever, cancerous. It also turns out that this syndrome affects, or at least gets diagnosed, in 40-70 out of 1 million people and, of those, 30% are male. So I win a weird lottery and have this syndrome (which we eventually being calling the disease it actually turns out to be, Cushing Disease) that is causing me to feel like I'm wasting away which is ALSO causing all of the other things going wrong, including the high blood pressure and low potassium. Dil asks his mom about it and I ask the nephrologist about it. Dil's mom has me do a peripheral vision test which I don't do particularly well at and she takes this as good news. She believes, based on that, that the cause is a pituitary tumor and those are, apparently, very easy to remove and, once removed, would rid myself of the issue. The nephrologist confirms that, by definition, I have Cushing and they just want to rule things out before moving forward with treatment.

An MRI of my kidneys is scheduled and reveals no issues with them and no tumors. So not the hyper-rare cancerous one. Good news. My PCP weighs in while in conference with the nephrologist and I get an appointment with an endocrinologist scheduled for November 29, something both other doctors involved seem to be attempting to get moved to an earlier date given the diagnosis. An MRI of my sweet sweet brain has been scheduled for Oct 30 and I'm anxiously awaiting that day to confirm the pituitary tumor and get the brain surgery (yikers) schedule moving. In the meantime, I've been only getting weaker and weaker and have injured my right ankle from overuse. As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in my living room chair in a boot after a 5-hour, 2:30 AM emergency room trip taken when I woke up with debilitating pain in my right ankle and an inability to put any weight on it. I've had a lot of emotional swings during this time and, again, cannot thank Abbey and Dil enough for being there for me through all of it. Every day I feel worse and worse but with them around, I can keep moving forward and having some hope that this gets resolved and resolved quickly. Though, if I'm being honest with you, it's getting really tough to keep existing like this. All I want is to feel regular again. It may be close but it still feels very far away and I'm VERY scared of getting brain surgery. We'll see what happens.

That brings us up to the current day. The entries from here on out are going to be, most likely, a smattering of different things. They could be about what I ate or did during a given day or random thoughts that I have or some other such nonsense. I don't really know and am just going to begin treating this as my journal that other people can read. As long as I'm writing, I'll build the habit. Thanks for reading, if you did, and I appreciate you very much.

61 days to go.

[calamityandme]

I have been hating myself so so much today. I burnt the cinnamon rolls I was trying to make for breakfast/lunch. It was the icing on top of my shit cake that’s been this week.

I have been trying to keep my head up, but it’s been hard. We are broke because of utilities being so high. Our electric bill was very high because 1. AC hadn’t been working for a week and 2. Our landlord didn’t fix a broken window for FOUR fucking months lol. Landlords amirite.

I have been trying to eat canned goods so we don’t have to get groceries for a bit.

The past three days the temperature in our place has been hovering between 86-82 F. It’s been so hot I couldn’t wear anything other than a bra and underwear inside.

Every day I have been taking “pool baths” where I make the temp of my bath water what you’d expect from a public pool on cloudy day. Goosebump level cold.

I couldn’t stomach the thought of food because the house was so hot, but I had a pounding headache and I knew it was from a lack of food.

I found a non-expired can of green beans and ate it in one sitting while sobbing lol. I felt delirious. Everything was making me cry.

I couldn’t even sleep in the same bed as my partner. I slept on the couch the first really hot night, then he did next.

I don’t want to sound like a complainer. At least we still have food and a place to live. I just can’t stomach the thought of eating some of the food we have.

I used to love pizza rolls. I’d buy a big bag of 100 for $10.50 at Walmart. I ate them for many months until one day the red sauce made me have bad acid reflux. Now, I see the couple handfuls of pizza rolls still in their place in the freezer and I want to gag.

I imagine what they taste like. All I can taste is freezer burn. I know that flavor very well.

Similar story is to be had for the breakfast sandwiches in the freezer. Partner got tired of them right as I did and we have a few left in the box.

I feel like my body tries to find anyway possible to make my life more difficult lol. Of course I have to be insanely picky when I am starving. Sometimes I would rather starve for HOURS instead of eat a non-safe food.

I couldn’t eat today until 4 PM because the only safe food I have today is homemade mac n cheese. I couldn’t cook until the house cooled down from 82 F to 75 F.

I hate how particular I am. Why can’t I go with the flow? Why do I both think too much and not enough before I speak?

Okay I’m done

[tamerajedwards]

Losing my best friend—> coffee!

I seriously can’t get out of bed at all today! Two weeks with out caffeine and I’ve crashed. I didn’t realize how much caffeine is a part of my life. I’m like a baby with out a bottle. I used it socially and for energy. I had enough energy to get up and get a shower and wash my hair this morning. I did sleep 8 hours too. Maybe my hormones have left the building just like Elvis.

Coffee ☕️ is a huge part of our lives! Today I’m realizing that it has been a bandaid on my anxiety and seasonal depression. I avoided my fears and problems and over a cup of Java every morning. Now they have greeted me in the morning staring me down in the face. It’s ok to take a me day.

After feeling like I’m going completely insane I went to urgent care on Sunday where the doctor did and ekg and blood work all of which came back completely NORMAL. Could coffee ☕️ have dominated my life so much that I am completely lost? I have mental and physical symptoms that have gone past the typical 2-9 day so called getting off of caffeine. I was only having one cup a day. It’s not like I was the “hook me up to an IV of coffee” all day long gal. Everyone is different and it is a drug like it or not.

I am just letting you know that coming off of caffeine has its highs and lows and not every day is beautiful. I’m tired of winter, cold, and clouds. I want to be in the warm sunshine. My coffee was sunshine 🌞 in a cup every morning. But curing my acid reflux, reducing my allergies and asthma far outweigh the struggle I am facing.

I will leave you with this. If you ever stop, do a taper not a cold Turkey. This is just my experience. Someday I will enjoy a cup of the sweet nectar again but for now onward.

God has me in His hands 🙌 and let the healing ❤️‍🩹 continue. Love 💕 you all. T

[strawbebyjam]

i feel like crap today BUT.!! bat eyeliner... that’s. <333 YEA.!!! YES!

[thebibliosphere]

Hello Joy! Long time follower and I really enjoy your blog. I just wanted to hope into your asks bc i've had a very frustrating day of doctors appointments and even if you don't have any advice, i was just hoping to rant to someone who'd been around the block with elusive medical illnesses (though please dont feel obligated to respond to this at all), and i apologize in advance for an almost certain lack of coherence.

I've been dealing with quite a lot of doctors appointments over the years, from treating insomnia, my adhd, and depression and anxiety, but long story short we have discovered 2 years ago that I have low b12. I have also been dealing with a chronic cough for 2.5 years. Unfortunately, oral supplements did not work for the b12 and i had to get monthly injections, which stopped when the pandemic hit and, despite doing for 4 months, didnt bring my levels up to normal anyway.

I recently restarted the injections, but my doctor will not approve my request to have more frequent injections, which i think i need, because its not fatally low (its at a 170 based on recent bloodwork). I finally saw a respirologist for my cough, and she has no idea what the cause of it is, even suggested that its psychsomatic, and put me on a different inhaler that i tried before (ive tried a million treatments for it, from post nasal drip meds to ppis for acid reflux to allergy meds, and the inhaler is the only thing that helped a little).

I've gained 20-25 pounds in the past 2 months, when ive been the same weight since i was a teenager (im 22), but my bloodwork continuously come back normal for everything but b12 and vitamin d, so my doctor also has no explanation for that (including normal tsh, and the last time i brought up testing other thyroid factors the doctor told me they dont do that and honestly made me feel silly for asking. Though, granted, my current doctor is a different one). I'm going insane because of how tired i am all the time, and the fact that I feel like a hypochondriac bc all my tests are always normal, and my doctor is only available for appointment once a month.

Sorry for the long block of text, i just feel, when looking at your blog, a sense of hope that eventually i'll have answers and you're just really great. ❤ i hope you had a really good day today ❤

Get a new doctor! Get a new doctor right now!

When you dip below 250 is when you can start to experience chronic fatigue, mood disorders and worsening cognitive function.

170 is when you're on the cusp of things getting seriously bad and depending on your homocysteine levels can start to cause pain and nerve damage. This is also when my hematologist estimates I started to sustain prolonged damage to my nervous system. This was also when I started experiencing the symptoms of early onset dementia.

140 is when my iron and folate levels tanked suddenly and I was so symptomatic my (then) new doctor was worried I had cancer and rushed me through seeing seven specialists in a week. The same day as seeing the hematologist it dipped below 110 and I started hemolyzing and went into medical crisis as my kidneys and heart started to struggle. I owe that hematologist and his team my life.

The good news is the shots you are getting right now are keeping you stable, but your doctor should NOT be waiting for your levels to hit crisis mode to resolve this issue. Please do not give up on this, you deserve better treatment.

Also, what kind of supplements are you taking?

I don't absorb Cyanocobalamin well through my gut, which is the most common type of oral supplement prescribed. What I do absorb through the gut is Methylcobalamin, so if you haven't tried that yet, it might be worth a shot to try and help you manage your levels on your own. Same with folic acid, I don't absorb it for shit, but when I switch to a methylfolate supplement, my numbers start to climb*. If you have tried this and it's been ineffective, then I'm going to emphasize that you need to push your doctor to increase your number of shots to get your levels up because what you are living with is not an acceptable quality of life, and I am so sorry :(

I hope you are able to rest and have better days in store soon. Take care, and if you want to talk about b12 or stuff, hit me up.

---

*Before anyone asks, yeah, I'm aware of the MTHFR gene mutation. I just can't test for it because the procedure is considered to be "investigational" and neither my geneticist nor my insurance wants to run it and I don't want to sell my data to a gene company lol.

[pembrokewkorgi]

My Medical Condition.

So I had a barium swallow test the yesterday.  It wasn't fun.  In short, they made me drink a bunch of gross stuff and filmed it via xray to see how I swallow as well as cause nausea and see acid reflux happen.  It was unpleasant and almost made me vomit.

That test took a lot out of me, mentally and physically, and I've been suffering from insane low energy fatigue ever since I had the test.  Got the results today on the test, but it was emailed to me and well... I didn't understand a word of it, but after doing some research (Because my attempts to call just went to voicemail) my understanding of the findings is something like this.

There's like a ring of tissue that is around the lower part of my esophagus that's tightening it up making swallowing difficult and causing acid reflux.  There's a big bump or hernia causing additional issues, and there's webbing caused my mucus and tissue in the upper part of the esophagus also causing issues.  Seemly the latter one is often connected to low iron anemia...

That last one certainly ties to all the fatigue I've been feeling, though I figured I eat more than enough foods with iron in them.  Hrmmmm...

So seems I now need to schedule and Endoscopy... yeah... nothing like getting a tube shoved down your throat.  At least they put me under for this, so it won't make feel as shitty as the barium swallow... in theory.

[not-poignant]

🌻 I'm loving reading your answers haha!

<3 <3 <3 Thank you so much!

*

Okay so I’m thinking of pain today because I’m having a fairly high pain day (I have to go lie down soon and it’s going to hurt).

I’m allergic to most opiates (including morphine and tramadol) and I can’t take NSAIDs because I have reflux disease (thanks family). As a result that pretty much leaves me with acetaminophen/paracetamol, and that’s it. Oh and neuropathic meds, like Endep.

But as a result of that, my pain can never be managed, and I don’t actually remember a day without pain. A lot of it runs in the background, and I’m so used to it I genuinely forget other people don’t deal with a baseline of constant pain. But when I have ‘breakthrough’ pain, a lot of the time I have very few options for pain management, so I just don’t really try.

As a result of this, my pain tolerance is insane, and doctors have gotten really angry at me for it - mostly in the form of ‘WHY DIDN’T YOU COME IN SOONER THIS WASN’T SOMETHING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITH WE COULD HAVE HELPED YOU’ and one of my specialists straight up yelled at me last year, which is the first time a doctor has yelled at me since I was a teenager. (I understood, I was being a very frustrating patient. I mean I was in so much pain I couldn’t eat most foods, and I let that go for about two weeks before I went to see him, lmao - and I’d been in moderate pain for about two months before then).

But there are some exceptions to my pain tolerance. I can’t handle headaches (because I nearly never get them) and I can’t handle vertigo.

But everything else? Pfft. I once tried to tough out appendicitis as a child, thinking it was just a ‘worse stomach ache than usual.’ And I later learned that the bouts of not being able to stand upright due to the absolute stabbing misery in my guts as a teenager, were ovarian cysts bursting repeatedly. I only realised I officially had cysts when they found an eight centimetre one (around 3.5 inches) and they described the symptoms of them bursting to me and I was like ‘ohhhHHHHHhhh.’ Like damn son, I’ve done tests while I’ve had them burst, lmao.

Anyway.

If you can take painkillers like NSAIDs (anti-inflammatories), or opiates actually work for you, that’s... great. My body is both a) really good at making pain and b) really good at being allergic or intolerant to painkillers and I really don’t recommend it ever.

(This sounds bad but honestly I just tune it out most days and like, that’s why I’m tired all the time. But sleep keeps a lid on the worst of it, and I’m really used to it. Also I’m lucky enough to be able to write, because I’d be doomed if I had to like...work conventionally, lol).

(Also my walking stick is great, it’s purple).

[chessiesystem]

StEx Appreciation Month, Day 31: Nitpicks

SO, I have a LOT of nitpicks about literally every aspect of the show, like I could go on and on, but then this post would be the embodiment of this gif:

So for today I’m just going to focus on costume nitpicks! Like with everything in the show I have an ideal version of everyone’s costume/wig/makeup, so today I’ll just go over my main nitpicks with the various costumes and post my favorite versions!

Obligatory JapanAus picture because those tours overall had the BEST costume aesthetics.

Let’s get started:

(Also just to go ahead and get this out of the way, this post is almost completely ignoring the 2018 redesigns, like. Those don’t live in my head. I’ll just be focusing on the Broadway/Bochum/tour designs.)

Rusty:

Okay so with Rusty my main nitpick is!!! That stupid empty black space that’s above his chest plate in SO many of the costumes!! Like WHY is that there?! Here’s a good picture of it:

It drives me absolutely insane aljsldf. Luckily Bochum eventually corrected this but that it was ever there drives me up a wall.

Another nitpick is his headband… I can tolerate it when it’s paired with the hat, but I can’t stand it on its own, it just looks ugly to me. And speaking of his hat, I love most versions of it, EXCEPT for the New Starlight Express one where it was styled after a baseball cap. That bothers me on a level I don’t even fully understand alsjflds.

Anyway, I think overall my favorite version of Rusty’s costume is the 2018 version… I think the silhouette looks strange, especially from the side, like kind of too baggy? But overall it’s really cute, I love the colors and the new chest plate design, and the HAT. Also really like the new makeup!! It was looking rough for a minute lmao.

This is Peak Performance (not the Pearl…definitely not the Pearl):

Pearl:

Being as I’m in love with most of Pearl’s costumes I actually don’t have a ton of nitpicks. I think my main one is that I’m not a fan of the salmon/gold tones that were sometimes used for the bodice. For example:

I think moreso than the costumes I’m critical of Pearl’s wigs. I HATE when she has straight wigs… the only exception to this rule is Stephanie Lawrence’s and Nikki Belsher’s because those wigs were also big and fluffy. But that lanky thing Bochum had in the early 2000s? Terrible. Pearl should have big, dramatic curls. Also, this should go without saying but her hair should be PINK. Blonde Pearl actually gives me acid reflux.

Also I don’t think much attention is given to her headpiece, but I really love when they’re big and princess-y. Like, this headpiece with these earrings? I love:

As far as a favorite Pearl costume, that’s really hard because I love so many of them, but I’ll say this one. I think it’s a nice balance of pink and white:

Greaseball:

I don’t have a ton of nitpicks about Greaseball’s costume… like, it fucks pretty hard? I moreso have beef with his makeup. NONE of these men know how to blend and it looks terrible. I get that it might be a stage makeup thing that looks better under stage lights but I still don’t even really buy that because every other character blends?? Also, I don’t like how the makeup is just contouring… I get that it’s to make the actors look more masculine, which does suit Greaseball’s character, but PLEASE give that diesel some character makeup!!

I really stan the Broadway makeup for this reason. Look at this Jareth-looking bitch, he looks amazing! And it’s just SO cool:

Idk even this London makeup is pretty okay imo… anything to make him more visually interesting 😭:

Dinah:

My main gripe with Dinah’s costume will forever and always be the apron lmao. I’m very, very picky about it because it’s SO easy to make look tacky as hell. The 2018 apron is the ugliest its ever been, I’m sorry:

LIKE WHY IS IT SO BIG AND LONG. Also the silver strap around her chest is WAY too high now. I swear they tried to make the 2018 coaches more modest in the ugliest ways possible. But anyway.

I prefer for the apron to only be beneath the belt, but if it also has to be above the belt I can tolerate it if its small, like the Broadway design or the earlier Bochum designs. I also prefer when her leggings are on the more silver/metallic side than just straight up blue. Broadway and Japan-Australia had the right idea with how metallic they made everyone look.

As far as Bochum goes, I feel like the costume’s peak was from like 1997 to 2007:

PERSONALLY, though, my ideal Dinah costume would be Debbie Wake’s from the Japan tours. The color, the leggings, the wig, it’s all so… Peak! I also really love how the top of her skirt is divided into sections?? It’s really cute. The only thing I’d change is I’d remove the part of the apron that reaches above the belt and adjust the color of her wig. But otherwise I love this one so much 🥺🥺🥺:

Electra:

I have a lot of very disjointed thoughts on Electra’s costume, but bottom line is I’m rarely content with it… but my MAIN nitpick is definitely the color scheme. I know that it’s intended to be blue/red/silver but instead it often looks blue/red/white to me and I just CANNOT dissociate that from the American flag/overzealous patriotism alsjdlf, it kind of gives me heartburn. I’ve seen some fan redesigns of the costume that incorporate a blue/red/gold color scheme instead and I think that could REALLY fuck, though I don’t know how it’d translate to the stage/irl. Or just?? Design his palette after the bi flag colors??

Another nitpick is how boxy and bulky his chest box often is. I feel like I can’t criticize this TOO harshly because, in my opinion, this musical should be FIRMLY 80s, and that’s probably what counted as “futuristic” in the 80s, but it’s just a personal preference of mine that I wish his chest piece was more slender and streamlined. I think it’d make the silhouette better and just?? Look better??

I also don’t like most of the mohawk wigs… they just look… VERY cheap and fake to me most of the time. I prefer the looser/wilder wigs because they look softer and more natural.

ANYWAY I’ve found that the costume that actually sates most of these complaints for me is the Japan-Australia costume. The palette actually looks blue, red, and SILVER to me, and the body suit is just?? Sooo shiny and metallic and sparkly?? It’s so pretty. The wig is a perfect balance of the looser/wilder London wigs and the early mohawk wigs, and the MAKEUP is so good, it’s the only time I’ve seen a silvery/metallic base on Electra work and NOT whitewash the fuck out of the actor. Not to mention the base in JapanAus matched the body suit REALLY well and aaaah idk I could wax poetic about this costume all night aljsfld it’s really good and I appreciate it for being the, like, one (1) Electra costume I vibe with 😭.

Again, I’d streamline the chest box if I could but overall? This is peak performance:

CB:

Off the bat I’ll say I hate how big his shoulder boxes have gotten over the years. Like they are just ridiculously massive, it looks kind of awkward when the actors can’t even rest their arms by their sides due to it. They look like little kids wearing arm floats. Also not a fan of how much lower the neckline has gotten, and how much smaller the bandana has gotten?? His chest and neck are SO exposed now when they use to be completely covered and it irks the hell out of me.

Funnily, this one picture pretty clearly displays all three of these nitpicks:

Compare this to back when the neckline was higher/the bandana larger, he’s completely covered. He also isn’t fucking DROWNING in his shoulder boxes:

Also not a fan of the hair piece Bochum has used in recent years. Like it was just so much cuter when the actors used their real hair :^//. And I just Do Not Vibe with how straight and neat the hair piece is, CB has wild, curly hair and I’ll die on that hill.

ALSO, and this is more specific to just one actor, but I kind of hate Dan Ellison’s makeup aljsldf. Like it’s well done but it just has far too much going on. All what CB needs done is his cheeks, his eyes, and his lips— all that extra that Dan does on his jawline and with the laugh lines around his mouth and eyes is just… too much. And it frustrates me so much because he would be SO much cuter if he went with a simpler makeup!! Ugh. But anyway.

This was 100% the makeup at its best, like. Absolutely peak, thank you Thierry Gondet:

And my favorite costume comes from the 1990 Japan tour. I ADORE how this chest box is fitted and designed, and it just looks so shiny and red? Like it was freshly washed and painted 😭. Not to mention the red contour on his temples is kind of a Look:

The only thing I’d adjust is I’d give him the suspenders present in most of his costumes, because they’re honestly adorable. And, of course, he needs his Chessie System sticker. But otherwise? This is Peak Performance.

Okay I was gonna do more but this thing is fuckoff long as it is, so I’ll just stick to the Big Six. If you made it this far you’re a trooper, thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings aljsldfs.