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eerythingisshaka · 5 years ago

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Will the Bell Ring? Pt. 6

[Erik Killmonger x Black!OC]

Word Count: 6.7K

A/N: I am now inspired to write again because a tweet said that Disney+ had hella issues on the date it dropped and 10 million people still stuck around to watch it. I’m taking that same energy with me.

“Mara, I won’t ask you again.” Erik says sternly. Kimara looks around casually, glad that they are at least located in a public place...though he still doesn’t seem to care.

“MARA!” Erik barks.

“Don’t cause a scene! Damn, you have absolutely no common sense!” She hisses as an elderly white couple looks away and walks faster down the path. A breeze starts to pick up in the air, causing the treetops to dance in the distance.

“Really? All I got is common sense when I hear you tryna pull a fast one on me. And to bring someone I respect in on this, that’s fuckin low!”

Kimara adjusts her seating on the bench as the metal digs into you thigh meat. “Respect?? Oh please, you were just knocking him on some petty shit last week! And I didn’t mean to! Ok? I’m sorry!”

“For what? I need specifics, lay out the entire situation for all the other nosy white folks walkin round the park today. They wanna see someone act a fool, I’ll give it to them if you keep pussy footin around.” Erik leans back on the bench, spreading his chest wide with pride as he stares her down. She can’t stand him.

Kimara lets out a sigh, laying one hand on his inner thigh for extra focus. “I am sorry...for putting you through so much pain and agony. I know how much the relationship means to and I shouldn’t have put it in danger by getting myself involved without talking to you first. And even then, I should’ve known better. I couldn’t even enjoy it without thinking about you and what you would think. So...never again. I promise.”

Erik scratches his chin, bouncing his leg before dipping his head down to look at Kimara over his fake gold rimmed eyeglasses with matronly contempt. “Long as you learnt never to watch Euphoria without me, we good.”

Kimara squeezes his leg, letting out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank God. You really bout to cut me over Fez and Rue huh?”

Erik sits up, clapping his hands together. “They are the true OTP if I ever seen one. They ain’t even gotta be intimate or whatever, just the fact that someone been through her journey and is now doing everything to help clean her up while the forces of small white town bullshit enable her is...poetry dawg.” Erik leans back shaking his head in awe.

“Babe, you are sappier than a maple tree in the summertime.” Kimara shakes her head, the loveliness of their conversation filling her head like a delicious fog she didn’t want to ever see the end of, but Erik’s lunch break was almost up.

Erik kisses her softly, making Kimara wipe the transfer of her gloss off his lips.

“Uh uh! Don’t worry bout all that baby. If that shit makes your lips as good as I like, I could use some too.”

“You so stupid!” Kimara cackles as they both get off their bench and walk side by side: his hand on her hip, her arms locked around his waist with one ear to his chest.

“This was nice.” Erik says distantly, more to himself than to her.

Kimara cranes her face toward his. “Yeah?”

He nods. “Yeah, just to not think about any of the bullshit we’ve had to deal with, enjoy God’s creations out here in the gentrified park. I feel like a damn retiree with stock and bonds and 401K real fat.”

Kimara settles in step with him again. “But you have all those things…”

“But I ain’t retired! White America don’t want a nigga to retire. Swear everything would go belly up if Black folks could live off of the fruits meant for them. They’d burn the whole damn thing down before that would happen.”

Kimara rubs his back to settle him. “Peaceful thoughts, remember?”

Erik’s chest expands and caves. “Aight. But real life is literally around the corner, so as much as I would like to have you in my office, I got shit to take care of.” Erik takes her chin and lifts her face up to his. “My Mara, My Mara…”

“...I’ll never be farther.” Kimara says with only slight embarrassment beause their little saying is so damn cute. Erik used to do cute rhymes with her name around the quad whenever she got down on herself or he thought he had her on the ropes to giving in to him. Rarely worked, but constantly appreciated. “I gotta go get some extra stuff for our dinner party later this week, so hopefully I won’t be too long at the studio. We got a new artist laying down a demo that should be pretty fire.”

Erik puts a fist to his mouth excitedly. “Oh worm? Finally my lady finna be the new M-M-M-Maybach Music!”

Kimara rolls her eyes. “I’ll be more than that! I got about two songs on there I’m getting writing credit for. I may wind up on the radio and you don’t even know it. But you’ll know them checks!”

Erik couldn’t smile harder if he had hooks in his mouth. “Your passion got you going off! Nothing wrong with it either, you deserve it. It’s been a long time coming.”

“It has. So, go on so I can make this deal happen.”

They locked fingers until distance forced them to break their grip. Erik waves off Kimara as she saunters up the path to the main road. His chest swelled with pride over his lady, she’s always been one of a kind. Her happiness is his happiness, without question. As he walked away, across the exquisitely decorated post modern/art deco lobby, to the elevator to the 33rd floor to his office, a cloud of dread weighed back on him that only got better with the help of Alaina. If she wasn’t his partner on this revamp project with Boeing, he’d be shitting himself on a regular.

Erik walks by a conference room, stopping short of turning the corner of the glass walls. He opens the door and peeks inside to see his friend hunched over a laptop, jumping slightly in her seat as he came across the room towards her.

“Damn, Erik! Why do your big ass feet step so lightly? Almost gave me a heart attack!” She breathed out a ragged sigh of relief.

Erik pulls out a chair to sit down, chuckling at her expense. “My bad, I just had to come in when I seen you slaving away in here. Figured you could use a distraction.”

Alaina smooths her hair back in her bun, her nude colored mouth in a tight, closed smile.

“I WISH you were a distraction for me, but unfortunately this involves the both of us. While you were on break, Asshole and Son recommend we draft a final proposal for the FAA to approve.”

Erik sat shocked. “What? Fuck, I mean that’s fucking crazy but kind of exciting too, right?”

She wags her finger. “Don’t forget we are only the field niggas round here. It sounds like an honor but in the end I am sure little Leave it to Beaver will be taking all the credit his daddy can send his way in order to keep the big wigs in good graces within the family.”

Erik taps his fingers on the deep wooden table, thinking. Would they really double cross him that far? Bringing him in on a project to mentor the bosses son only to pull the rug up under him and make him look like player two?

“That’s so damn white, sounds right.” Erik sighs in somewhat disbelief.

Alaina shrugs. “Told you. And until I hear it from him otherwise, that’s what I’m going to assume.” Alaina sighs and stretches her shoulders before going back in on the keyboard.

Erik furrows his brow. “If that’s it, then why are you still working on it? Don’t you wanna pack up and move on? You were brought here special for this, your time is wasted the most.”

Alaina’s eyes cast a ‘nigga please’ gaze on Erik. “Mr. Future Baby Fava, I think our time has been equally wasted. But guess what isn’t cut for my time here? My pay: which is double what I make at my primary while I’m here so…” She slowly leans over to grab Erik’s wrist. “...until I hear the fat white man sing, we’re gonna work on this project for as long as we can to milk that cow til it lays a golden goose egg and rolls the tortoise to the finish line!”

Erik scoffs. Alaina’s antics are half the reason Erik can’t quite distance himself from her. She has a liveliness that he’s kind of missed lately. “Man, you a trip and a fifth. But I like your style. Might as well get it done then.”

“Oh fuck that, I’m done for the day.” Alaina crisply closes her laptop, packin it under her arm and grabbing her case with the other.

“Whatchu mean? I thought you said-”

“I worked through my lunch, like a boss ass bitch does. You gotta work yours off, so Imma leave you to it. Call me if you bleeding out your ears from stress: no less than that.”

Erik rolls his eyes as he gets up and watches her walk away. The woman is working his last good nerve on purpose, but he likes it. The job isn’t as boring or predictable with her around. Now he just has to show her who the superstar has been all this time. If he works hard at this, it won’t be for these fat cats, it’s gonna be a bonafide competition and he ain’t scared to fight a girl.

—

At the studio, Kimara finishes up a session with a local up and coming artist named Delilah. Sweet girl, comes across very introverted until a mic is in front of her. Kimara appreciated her vibes and talent, baby girl is on trend so long as she stays cute she is bound to be noticed. Kimara ends their session a little early, wishing her well when it was time to wrap.

Kimara felt like the studio was her second home most of the time but today she had to get to her real home REAL quick to get dinner prepared. Tonight is the double dinner date with T’Challa and his boo of the moment. She kept trying to get ahold of Erik for help with ingredients but he kept leaving her on read.

Rick, the studio owner caught Kimara before she was able to get out the door.

“Hey Rick I know I cut things early, but I don’t have a lot of time unfortunately. I have dinner to take care of tonight with some friends that is so damn important, you wouldn’t believe.”

Rick smiles a large proud papa smile. “Oh I won’t keep you, but this news might. Remember Peter Gafflin? Legendary alternative rock/country artist extraordinaire who really love you last time y’all were in the booth together.”

Kimara couldn’t forget that man from their last session. She hadn’t been exalted for her talent that highly since Petey Pablo came in that one time and promised her name would be on a Freek A Leek remix.

“Yeah, what about him?” She asks.

Rick could not help his smile to save his life. “He called me up earlier today, saying he is planning to go on the road soon.”

“Yeah, yeah. That happens often when you drop a new album.” Kimara says impatiently.

“Right. So he was thinking that you would hopefully be available to join him for some shows on his North American leg of the tour.”

Kimara stood there like the Men In Black just wiped her memory. “Are-are you serious? When? How? What would I do??”

“He wants you to SING for him like you did that day, background vocals and he thought a duet portion would be nice too. You know the song ‘Boys Aren’t Born on Tuesdays?’”

Kimara clutches her chest. “Oh my God, that song is so rich. And he wants ME to sing it with him?”

“Uh huh!’ Rick slaps her arm in congratulations, but Kimara could barely feel anymore.

“In front of thousands. Across America...oh my God!”

Rick and Kimara hug excitedly, so much so that Rick has to wipe his eyes a little. “So is that a yes?”

Kimara stopped cheering to finally think a little. “I mean, I don’t know. If this was any other time I would say yes, but...I have some obligation here. I’m deep into trying to start a family and settle a little.”

Rick makes a face of pity. “I understand, I know. And I hope you do get that. Just…”

“Just…” Kimara parrots.

“...it’s Peter Gafflin.”

“It is Peter Gafflin.” Kimara says disheartened. She had been waiting for years to get something off the ground with a top tier artist, but the universe had a funny way of timing.

“Did I mention how much pay is?” Rick muses.

Kimara fans herself with a newspaper as she watches the rolls baking in the oven. She is so thankful to have gotten dessert from the bakery, because she was over it with cooking. She checks her phone for the time: ten minutes til 7. Her notifications show nothing from Erik yet, though she texted him twice today reminding his to not forget them hosting T’Challa and his girl. Twice, Erik texted that he’s got her, but that was five hours ago, now who knows what the hell he is up to. It would be perfect to bring up her good news with him in front of T’Challa and his date, while he smiles up at her with a hand inconspicuous and possessively on her behind...

But the light and fluffy feelings for the evening were quickly dwindling. Before she could send a last threatening text to convince him to bring his ass, the doorbell sounds at the last sentence. Kimara curses out loud, grabbing her oven mitt to take out the rolls that are a perfect golden brown. She dabs her brow with a spare dinner napkin before clopping her way to the door.

Opening it with a flourish, Kimara opens her arms in excitement.

“You made it!” She says with a cheery song.

T’Challa looks at her fondly, his mouth slowly curling into a smile. Kimara warms up to seeing her friend at her doorway.

“I was going to say it has been too long, but time moves backward for you. You look beautiful.”

Kimara places a hand on her hip for emphasis, trying to withhold her joy in his compliment in the worst way. “Oh please, it hasn’t been that long. You cleaned up good too.”

Kimara always enjoyed the way T’Challa dresses like royalty without even meaning too, choosing pieces that elongate his lean body, squaring his wide shoulders to create a proud presence.

T’Challa places a hand to his date’s lower back. “Iman has been looking forward to this night all week.”

A smiling Iman holds out a bottle of Proseco. “T has told me so much about you and your husband. You all seem to be a pretty tight family.”

Kimara takes the chilled bottle and leads them inside. “Oh yes. We have all known each other for so long, I can’t imagine not having known them.”

Placing the bottle on the table, Kimara claps her hands anxiously. “So I have prepared us a nice little salad and a pork...uh...pasta ” Kimara’s mind goes blank trying to remember what it’s called, she had only Googled the recipe that day. Tapping her foot, fidgeting, Kimara gives up. “Hell, some type of pork and spaghetti with peppers and shit. It’s got cheese too, it’s good. LEGGO!”

T’Challa and Iman chuckle as they head to the dining room. “Well whatever it is it smells great! I know your man must be fat and happy living with you.” Iman gushes, pulling out her chair to sit at the table.

Kimara shakes her head humbly as the unwraps the foil on the proseco. “Lucky for me, he is pretty active at the same time so it sticks in the right places. If only he could actually BE in the right places when we schedule things that way. Oh shit, lemme find a cork opener.”

Kimara rushes into the kitchen slamming drawer after drawer looking for the elusive corkscrew. She slams the bottle down a little too hard in frustration and hears the vibration of her phone on the counter next to her.

“Do you need assistance, Kimara?” T’Challa’s steady, gentle voice says behind her. She turns to see his concerned face looking down at her, hands firmly planted behind him respectfully.

Kimara waves her hand in frustration. “Aht aht! It’s fine, don’t leave Iman alone in there!”

“She is fine. Are you?” He asks quietly while opening a cabinet above the sink.

Kimara opens her phone to look at her notification. “Been better. Rather not talk while I’m supposed to be entertaining you guys.”

“But-”

Kimara puts her phone down hard. “RAGU! It was a pork ragu! With basil fettuccine, ugh! DUH!” Kimara turns to see T’Challa holding the corkscrew in his hand.

T’Challa continues, ignoring her topic change. “You should let me know if he isn’t being good to you.”

Kimara takes the corkscrew in one hand, bottle in the other trying to maintain her blood from boiling. “No I don’t. I would discuss that with my husband.”

“And he is where?” T’Challa asks calmly as Kimara walks past him and back to the table.

“God, what a help your beau is, we can finally have a much needed sip sip, eh?” Kimara exclaims a little too happily, sitting at the table as she drills the corkscrew in.

T’Challa opens the glass serving dish to examine dinner. “This smells very good, I will fix a plate for you, Iman.”

“No! I should serve you, Mr. King! Move your hand from that spoon.” Iman gets up, swinging her hips happily from side to side, digging the serving spoon into the delicious mix of sauce, noodles, and meat.

T’Challa gives a shy smile. “I appreciate it greatly, thank you.”

Kimara jerks the corkscrew out of the bottle too hard, knocking the handle against the table, causing T’Challa and Iman to look at her with shock.

“Pop goes the weasel, right?” Kimara giggles as she pours a third of the bottle into her glass, half an inch from the brim. She takes ahold of her glass, taking a few hearty gulps.

“So! Tell me how are things with you all, still in the honeymoon phase?”

Iman finishes off her plate, settling in to eat. “Well, I wouldn’t say that. Me and T are still kinda getting to know each other still, so I think honeymoon phase is a little too soon to call,” she says as she nervously scratches the back of her head as T’Challa just keeps on eating.

Kimara starts to feel warm, keeping mental note that the fucking must’ve halted between them. “Well there’s no need to rush at all. Relationships are so much damn work, it must be nice to cuddle up to a stranger every so often.”

Iman offers some wine to T’Challa who declines. “Have things been going well at the studio? Recording?”

“Oh yeah, more than recording actually. Sure, I just wish that I had the gumption to pull the trigger on doing some of my own shit. I got a lot of praise from artist and even the owner of the studio; I’ve known him a long time. But when it all comes down to it I just wonder what’s the point. That’s all gonna change soon though, no worries about me!”

Iman pouts with sympathy. “What do you mean?! You are a damn good looking lady and to have talent enough that people brag about, you gotta do something with it while you’re young and able!”

“I know I’m young and able. Well, I’m trying to start a family while I’m still young and able too.” Kimara mumbles, slumping in her chair.

“Oh! You are? Congratulations! From what little I remember from the night I met T, he seemed like a handsome guy with a good head on him. If he hadn’t brought us home, we may not be seeing each other now.” Iman’s hand disappear under the table to presumably T’Challa’s thigh, who looks over at her with kind eyes. “And that reminds me of your story. So T here got you and your husband together. What are the details on that?”

Kimara is two sips from the bottom of her glass. “Ohhh, that’s not dinner conversation unfortunately.”

Iman makes eyes at her. “Oooh, that scandalous huh? We all adults here, but I understand. Me and T weren’t very biblical our first night meeting so, hey.”

T’Challa wags a finger. “It’s not that, don’t be crass.”

Iman tuts at him. “I’m just being friendly, what’s the issue.”

“It’s a personal story. It should wait until Erik is here at least.” T’Challa offers.

Kimara puts her glass down, plate still empty or any dinner. “I don’t wanna bring that nigga up here anymore tonight, aight?”

Iman freezes mid bite as T’Challa sits up in his chair. “Kimara, please-”

“Uh uh! I’m in my house, I say what I want, I won’t be talked down to. Iman?”

Iman is still frozen.

T’Challa speaks up. “I’m just saying-”

“I’m talking! Iman? My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for months now, fucking like rabbits and I have yet to get pregnant. It’s gotten so I think he;s getting tired of fucking with me and now he is out ‘working late’. Now, he loves me because we have been through a lot to get to the point of being a married couple and he has had to prove himself loyal to me after...a lot of bullshit. But I ain’t got it in me to discuss play the Newlywed Game with you cuz hell if I know what my husband is up to anymore.”

T’Challa gets up from his chair abruptly, scraping the chair across the floor, stomping towards the kitchen.

Kimara starts to laugh out loud. “Oh shit, I think he’s pissed! Ohh, let me see what this is about…”

Iman sits up anxiously. “Do you need help?”

“No, no! I got him, he’s very reserved with his frustrations, so I can deal.” Kimara stomps into the kitchen. “Now what is up with you??”

T’Challa takes a towel off of a rack, folding it twice. “Did you need to unload on her like that?”

Kimara leans on the counter. “Sure, woman to woman. She seems to appreciate it.”

T’Challa opens the oven door, a plume of smoke billows out.

“Fuck! Oh noooo, my rolls!” Kimara exclaims, running to a window to open and fan out the smoke.

T’Challa puts the baking sheet to the sink. “I was trying to tell you I smell smoke.” He tossed the towel down making the sheet clang.

Kimara fans her face, coughing. “Oh, shit. I just forgot.”

“Mhm. You forgot your head this evening that’s certain.”

“What do you mean by that, T??” Kimara asks mockingly.

T’Challa glares at her. “If things weren’t going good, we could’ve rescheduled.”

“It’s funny you think I plan for my life to fall apart, cuz that is how it works right?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“No, no one means to hurt my feelings or make me feel like shit until it happens. You want me to be the perfect host. Erik wants me to be a good wife and mother when I can’t even get a bun in the ov-” Kimara stops short of the sentence. T’Challa hangs onto silence waiting for her to finish.

“T’Challa, what if this is all a sign? I burnt the rolls in the oven...because I can’t keep a bun in the oven? Like pregnancy? I can’t bake anything!!” Kimara wails as she covers her mouth crying. T’Challa goes over to her but stops short as Iman enters the kitchen.

“Hey, if everything is under control, I might head out.”

T’Challa looks back at Kimara then Iman. “Well, let me call you a ride.”

“Already did. Kimara, dinner really was good, I’m sorry to leave so soon.”

Kimara has her back turned, wiping her face before facing her. “Thank you for coming. You’re as nice as I heard.”

“I will walk you out then.” T’Challa offers as they leave Kimara in the kitchen. Her phone begins to ring, as she picks it up to find Erik’s name glowing on the screen. All she can do is silence it, she was in no mood to talk, otherwise she might have to make a Lemonade album about it.

Kimara goes back to her dining room table, sitting down to the bottle of wine. T’Challa comes back in, closing the front door behind him.

“Eh, eh. Put that down. Eat something instead.”

Kimara groans as she swallows one more gulp from the bottle before getting it snatched from her hand.

“I’m not feeling your vibes T’Challa, honest.”

“Vibes? Do you hear yourself talking?”

“Yeah I do. That’s all I ever hear is my damn self.”

“You are not supposed to be drinking while planning a family, aren’t you?” T’Challa asks softly, sitting next to her.

Kimara sighs deeply. “I’ve done everything right. All I’m supposed to do is carry, I can’t even get there. God, I would kill for even a miscarriage, just to know that I didn’t completely fuck up my reproductive system!”

“STOP IT!” T’Challa’s voice booms between them, reverberating off the walls. Kimara sits upright, looking away from T’Challa’s face. His energy calms as he leans a little further towards her.

“You do not deserve to beat yourself up like this. Do you realize how far you’ve come in life from when I first met you to now? There is no one as smart or witty or brilliant as you that I can also put faith in as a friend.”

Kimara fidgets with her fingers. “Good thing Iman isn’t here to hear that.”

T’Challa sits back, taking a swallow of wine from the bottle himself. “I won’t edit my statement, but she is a nice girl.”

“I still like Nakia better.” Kimara says matter of factly.

T’Challa bristles at the name, looking into the distance. “Yes, I guess she is my kryptonite, however too flighty.”

They sit in silence for a beat.

“What about that night? What did it mean?” Kimara asks.

T’Challa’s brow furrows. “Which do you…”

“A few weeks ago? My car?” Kimara rubs her face roughly. “Ughh, I hope it’s not the wine talking but I swear there was a moment that felt like...a thing. Am I wrong?”

T’Challa does something he does not always do: he begins to stutter. It’s slow, without the skip, but a stutter nonetheless.

“I...Well...hmm,” He says before his mouth motions wordlessly.

“...T?” Kimara asks teasingly. “It’s ok!”

He looks her in her eyes intensely, like she just cursed him out. “Huh?”

Kimara shrugs. “We didn’t do anything so it’s ok. Don’t sweat. That’s why I’m glad we are friends cuz I know nothing bad happens when you’re around. No craziness, drama, you just bring me back down to earth with a good talk. It was just a moment. Gotta remember that.” Kimara pats his knee and gets up.

“Wait, so were you thinking of me in a way that night?”

Kimara sees a light flash across the curtains of her window. “Well, look at this. Daddy’s home.” Kimara comes back to the table to pick up plates. “T’Challa go ahead and have a good night. You don’t wanna be here when I’m throwing dishes into the sink until Erik comes in and has the nerve to ask what the fuck is wrong with me. When the whole nigga nerve of it all is that he would have the gall to think I’m wrong to begin with!”

T’Challa waves his hands heading for the door. “I am already gone.”

The early morning sun is extra bright as erik drives himself and Kimara to see their regular fertility specialist Dr. Tracy.

“I’m glad she was able to see us today.” Erik says.

“Are you?” Kimara asks while scrolling through her phone.

Erik scratches himself. “Ion know, I just…”

“What?”

“I mean...if we do this it’s like cool, we finna get a baby off top-”

Kimara tuts at him. “No! She said that it still isn’t guaranteed. We are good candidates but not to expect success right away.”

Erik lets out a groan. “Right, right. Can’t no shit come easy for me.”

Kimara looks at his profile as he drives, catching Erik looking out the corner of his eye. “What you lookin at me like that for?”

Kimara crosses her arms. “I’m just trying to figure out what to title your sob story in all of this. ‘I do what I want and when it don’t go like I plan I pout?’ Or ‘Fuck everything and everyone, I’m going through it but don’t ask me what’s wrong?’”

“Damn Mara! The fuck you gotta go there for? The minute I try and share something with you, you bite my fucking head off!”

“Watch yourself cursing at me! I ain’t in the mood for it, and I ain’t letting it fly like that today, ok? I don’t need this much excitement before an appointment.”

“Then don’t go nuts on me like you some damn comedian, roasting my ass. I’m here ain’t I?”

“Do you not wanna be?!” Kimara shrieks.

Erik goes silent, turning on the click of his turn signal. The tension in the car is sky high and although Erik doesn’t mind a fight, he knew not to act a fool in front of these doctors in this side of town.

Kimara leads inside to check in with the receptionist. As they sit in the lobby, Erik is glued to his phone the entire waiting period, fingers texting furiously.

“Why ain’t you holding my hand?” Kimara asks. “You always hold it while we wait.”

Erik looks over quickly and leans back offering out his hand. “My bad.” While the other continues to work double time on his screen.

“Who is...Alan?”

Erik jerks his phone back. “It’s not Alan.”

Kimara drops his hand. “Than who is it?”

“Work.” He says curtly, flipping to his Instagram instead.

“Is something wrong with the project you’re working on? Is Alan the one helping you?”

“Yes and no.” Erik says.

“Wait. It is wrong and Alan isn’t helping?”

“It’s not Alan!” Erik bellows before coughing to cover his outburst.

“Kimara?” Dr. Tracy says brightly with a smile, waving them back. Kimara smiles tightly back.

In her office, Dr. Tracy goes over the procedures and preparations for IVF, with all of the medical jargon, followed by some generous simplified explanation. It all sounded complicated and expensive but Kimara was grateful to hear about everything that could make her miracle possible.

“And Erik, you can be an awesome support by making sure to watch your alcohol intake, exercise, eat healthy, and avoid any environmental pollutants.”

“I was bout to watch that Chernobyl show; is that off the table now?” Erik asks.

“Erik, you ain’t got time for shit else, quit playing.” Kimara says with a little bark in her voice.

Erik laughs in a menacing tone. “Ok.”

Dr. Tracy looks between them nervously. “...we also provide counseling to couples during the process, as it can be difficult.”

“I wouldn’t mind it, but he wouldn’t be able to make it.” Kimara says.

“Oh you speak for me now?”

Kimara shrugs. “If you ain’t there, how else can things go forward?”

Erik sputters in disbelief. “I won’t be getting like this in front of the damn doctor. Thanks, doc. I got the prescription and shit, let’s go.” Erik keeps talking under his breath as he leaves the office. Kimara gets up to leave

“Is everything ok between you two?” Dr. Tracy asks.

Kimara hesitates before saying it’s fine, nothing more than a couples spat. Erik may have been right about needing to change doctors. At least a new one wouldn’t know when things were wrong. This would just look like a normal interaction to fresh eyes.

Back at their house, Erik is reading the instructions for her shots.

“Says this supposed to help in producing eggs for you. Still gonna take a while though.”

Kimara sits silent watching her shows.

“Remember to mark down when you got your period last. Supposed to start doing these on your next cycle.”

Silence.

Erik folds the instructions up, standing from the dining room table. He comes up behind the couch, leaning next to Kimara’s ear.

“Nassau is this weekend, you know?” SIlence. “You picked us a real good spot to make our own magic down there. I think we need it.”

“WE need a lot more than a trip to an island. Erik, you still ain’t said sorry for a damn thing you said to me today.”

Erik scooches to one side of Kimara to face her. “What should I apologize for?”

“Embarrassing me? Not telling me about what’s going on with you and also not asking how things are with me? Being secretive and mean to me?” Kimara’s eyes begin to well up. “You ain’t talked to me without walking off mad in so long, I don’t wanna get used to it Erik! You didn’t used to do that!” Erik hooks one leg followed by the other over the back of the couch to sit next to Kimara, holding her hands tight.

“It makes me think about before you left for that damn military out the blue. You snapped on me back then too. You tryna go somewhere else again?”

“Hell no! That life is behind me, I got nothing but you and work to get through now.”

“So I’m a damn task?” Kimara mopes.

“No! Look: I don’t mean to say anything to make you think you boring because you’re not. You’re the most exciting thing in my life, and I love having you with me. Every time I’m reminded you’re my wife, I’m thinking how we should be on our damn tenth wedding anniversary instead of third. But I’m done and thankfully you’re not.”

“Then why are you doing me like this?”

“I-I don’t wanna force shit on you more than you can handle. I got things happening at my job right now that could make you think the worst, but I promise it’s not. And you don’t need that pressure right now.”

“Neither do you!”

“I can handle it. You focus on your dreams at the studio, and getting ready to host the biggest headed baby your womb will ever know.”

Kimara snorts thinking about this, looking down instinctively. Erik takes one side of her face in his hand.

“I wanna be more open but I don’t wanna cost you anything too. So until shit blows over, just know I got this. Be patient with me, and I promise to be more patient too.”

Kimara pulls Erik to her for a longing kiss, rubbing his face for comfort. She could feel he cares, but there was still so much gnawing in her mind, she just wasn’t ready to discuss. But there was one thing.

“One more thing though, before I call it forgiven and get to packing for the trip.”

“You still ain’t packed?”

“I’m asking the questions! Who is Alan?”

Erk sighs, dipping his head down before looking her in the face to answer. “Alaina.

“He’s a what?”

“Huh? No, Alaina. The name was Alaina not Alan.”

Kimara’s face draws up inquisitively. “And...she is?”

“My partner for the project I’m working on. They recruited her from another region and-”

“That’s who you spent the night with instead of dinner with T’Challa and me and his girl?” Kimara asks.

“I came home! Don’t make it sound like that, it was a late night. Ole dude I work for keeps piling shit on me and deadlines-”

Kimara waves her hands in front of him. “It’s fine.”

“Huh?”

“It’s ok!” Kimara smiles. “Seriously, I trust you. You said works been beating your ass, and I know you wouldn’t be looking all sour if you were getting some ass on the side, so I think I can trust you aren’t cheating.”

Erik stared at her speechless before nodding and agreeing.

“Plus, we tryna have a baby and I know you wouldn’t mix shit up with her when all that seed is mine, like that would be wasteful.”

Erik growls in his chest, leaning over her, nose to nose. “Say that again.”

Kimara holds back her smile, rubbing his chest. “Your seeeed is miiiine. Don’t waste it.” Kimara bites his lip at the end of ‘it’, catching him of guard, but not enough to lay her out legs spread quicker than she could blink.

“Wait wait, Erik. I can’t!” Kimara says, half giggling.

“Whatchu mean?? You playing with a dog and get afraid when you get the bark? Quit playing and get them draws off.” Erik pulls at her bottoms.

“No! Wait! I mean it, I’m cramping and shit. I don’t want nothing near my pussy right now.”

Erik moans out loud in frustration, plopping backwards on the couch, erection pushing at his sweatpants.

Kimara lowkey loved making him wait, period or not. It’s nice to see he still wants her, and no one else has his attention to fix his rather big problem throbbing in his pants.

“Erik? You never told me what you think about the tour.”

Erik exhales loudly. “Good idea, that’s finna kill my hard on real quick.”

“Erik!”

He sits up, pushing down on himself. “Mara, I want you to get your hustle goin, I know you been singin since way way way back.”

“Hold up, it ain’t been that long, makin me feel old.”

Erik bops her with his shoulder. “You know you been my Suga Mama.”

“Two months older Erik. Dassit!”

Erik looks at the floor, rubbing her knee. “I just don’t understand why you think it’s best to leave now. What Imma do without you for two months?”

“Whatever you been doin get home late at night.” Kimara says flatly.

“The project is almost finished, do I don’t know where that attitude came from.”

Kimara sits silent, not up for a fight, especially in her hormonal state.

Erik stares at her, testing her. He knows she wants to say more, she always does. “I got two more weeks on this, and it’s done. My workload is gonna be lighter, more boring, and I promise my time will be yours, but now you wanna leave, so.”

“But you understand why right? It doesn’t sound like you do. I don’t wanna leave you alone or stop trying, but...this is my dream!”

“Having a family is too right? That’s why all our time and money been revolving around everything related to that for almost a whole damn year. It’s fucking flaky.” Erik shoots back.

“Erik, you got to do what you wanted, right? This ain’t new with you! When you want something, you go for it, fuck anybody that gives a shit, it’s yours. I’m tired of being in the shadow of your shit, cleaning things up so you can have your peace. This is mine.”

“The fuck is you talkin about?? Is your PMS going retrograde or some shit?” Erik speaks over her in an agitated tone. Nothing Kimara said made sense anymore to him.

Kimara gets up, waving him off. “Eat my ass Erik, I said what I fucking had to say and I mean that shit.”

Masterlist

Ragtag

@chaneajoyyy @sarcastic-sunshines @muse-of-mbaku@dameshaemonique @fonville-designs@destinio1@bakarisange l@wakanda-inspired @klaine15689 @savageiz @nickidub718 @yoyolovesbucky @alexundefined @forbeautyandlife @bakarisangel

#shakafic #black panther fic

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itsclydebitches · 5 years ago

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How do you feel about derivative art? I'm guessing you approve since you're big into fanfics. Is art that's derivative as good as original art? Could a well made video critique of a film be better then the film? Or a fanmade rewrite be better then the original book? And yes I know nothing "original" exist, but that's not the same thing as art that is obviously derivative. And the big question. Should artist be allowed to make money off derivative art?

For me it’s an all around “Yes.” I’ve read fics leagues better than published novels. I’ve seen fanvids far better than films. Granted, when you get into the subject of visual media you run into things like finances and access to technology. Anyone can craft a story with words, but only a few have the budget and tools required to re-create the sort of Blockbuster films we’ve grown used to. But why in the world would that very specific style be the only “good” art out there? Obviously it’s not. If anything, we value limitations in our art. Six second vines shot on cell phones are adored and can lead to lucrative careers. Films like the Blair Witch Project want to mimic an armature cinematography, like these people really were just shooting what they could while running for their lives. Amateur does not in any way equal lesser. To say nothing of the fact that fans have shown time and time again that a passion for the material and a huge amount of work ethic is more than enough. As the recent Loki logo abomination attests, all the money and resources in the world doesn’t guarantee taste---or success. Outsiders to fandom love to criticize the “horrible” fics they found when they dove into AO3 for all of ten minutes, but fail to acknowledge that you’re just as likely to find a terrible book when you pull one randomly off of B&N’s shelves. If derivative art is somehow lesser than we need to re-evaluate the comics industry. And every formulaic western, rom-com, police procedural. And every great author (there are a LOT) who wrote “classics” based off of other’s characters and worlds. Art is art. Mainstream art is in no way superior to fan art, no matter how much people still want to convince us of that.

The money question is, admittedly, waaaaaay more complicated. For me though it’s still a “Yes” simply because of how fandom functions. That is, we need the canon. Even if it becomes outdated, or is considered offensive, or is absolutely terrible compared to what the fandom has now produced, people will STILL consume that material (and more importantly buy it) in order to get access to all the good fan stuff. I’ve simply never bought into the argument that derivative works are a threat to the livelihood of the original piece because they depend on that piece. All my friends are in a fun discord for TV Show X. They’re producing all these fics I want to read. I’ve heard that Show X is actually pretty bad, but I’m going to watch it anyway because that provides me with the context that produced all this other stuff. It’s the foundation, the blueprints, the golden ticket to get inside the fandom. Will every fan do this? No, some do bypass the canon and just dive right in, but the majority of them will. Meaning that rather than posing a threat to the original author’s livelihood as most people assume, fanworks help keep mainstream content alive. Adding a price to that doesn’t change anything. If someone offers me a fic for free I’m gonna tackle the canon book first. If someone offers me a fic for $10... I’m still gonna tackle the canon book first. Either way the author gets paid and are likely to get more if fans use their work as an entry point into the fandom. “I wouldn’t have read/watched your stuff at all, if it weren’t for the fact that I want to read the stories my friend is now producing.” Giving that friend some rent money is the least we can do.

(There are obviously other arguments against making money off of derivative works, two of which boil down to “It’s against the law”---which funnily enough we create and control and can change if perspectives change---and “They’re my creations and I don’t want you messing with them, let alone making money off them.” I’ve got a lot of feelings regarding that one and in an effort to save a bit of space I’ll boil it down to a very unkind response: Too bad. Transformation is at the heart of human interaction with art. If you didn’t want that you shouldn’t have given it to the public in the first place. Authors don’t get to police how fans interact with their work: “I love it when you take the time to write me glowing reviews! .... oh, but not when you write another story. Please continue making awesome fan posters that promote my work! ... but not one with those two characters kissing ew.” Authors don’t get to dictate how fans interact with the art they’ve put out there; how much of it is active and in what ways.)

We also have to consider that we’re already in a world where those lines are irrevocably blurred. Why does E.L. James or Anna Todd get to make a fortune off of their barely changed fics? Why do artists get to sell their fanart but fic writers are still largely terrified of lawsuits? Fans are already making money off their work---always have, really---and I doubt that’s something we can reverse. Whether or not it continues to grow is the real question.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to see derivative works commercialized, not because fans don’t deserve to earn money for their labor (we do), but just because that would irrevocably change fandom dynamics. We’re a gift economy and we’re built on that. Fandom has always been about progressive acts: be it writing about queer identities, providing accessibility accommodations decades before mainstream art did, or (and this is the kicker) helping to level out class differences. Meaning, mainstream art is often for the rich and the elite. Broadway shows are insanely expensive and impossible for most to get to. Movies prices have skyrocketed. Every company is creating their own streaming service, requiring that you pay three or four $20+ monthly subscriptions instead of just the one. It’s all about money and fandom is one of the few places where we still exchange art for praise and more art, rather than a paycheck. Fic is free. Fanvids are free. You guys want a cute drawing of this couple? All you have to do is send in a prompt ask and I’ll draw it! Sure, I’d also love it if you paid for a commission, but I’m going to keep creating free drawings on the side. When was the last time we saw a mainstream author go, “Please continue to buy my last story, but in the meantime here’s a free novel I’m putting up on my website. Hope you enjoy!” I mean yes, we do get things for free (especially when it comes to many games, apps, and some short stories), but not like in fandom. There’s a culture of giving that I never want to lose. Are we already doing commissions and con sales? Yes. Do we often ask for donations and payment? Yes. Should we be able to continue doing so without fear of legal action? I think so. But I don’t want a general sense of “I should be allowed to earn money off of this” get turned into “Well if I can earn money off of this why wouldn’t I?” I never want our work to exist fully behind a wall where the key in is your credit card number. Fandom is unique in its, “I made this thing because I wanted to and I shared it with you because I wanted to do that too, no strings attached” and that, I think, is worth protecting.

#fandom #fic things #mymetas #Anonymous

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mobius-prime · 5 years ago

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151. Sonic the Hedgehog #85

The Big Payback

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: Ron Lim Colors: Frank Gagliardo

So Eggman is quite peeved that Sonic stopped his plans to destroy Station Square via ancient water monster. However, he has a plan to get back at Sonic - and as with many of his previous plans, it involves a robotic duplicate of his archnemesis…

Sonic and the Freedom Fighters are in Station Square, which is in the midst of trying to clean up the mess left by the attack, being thanked and awarded by the mayor for saving their city. Suddenly, the ceremony is interrupted by the appearance of Silver Sonic II, which is significantly smaller in size than its original counterpart.

Sonic leads his robotic nemesis on a wild goose chase across the city to draw fire away from the innocents at the ceremony. Big snags Silver Sonic II's leg with his fishing rod, and Tails tries to attack it while it's stuck, but he gets knocked aside into Big as the mecha breaks free and continues its pursuit of its quarry. Sonic and it finally crash through a window into the ground level of a building that's been structurally compromised by the flood, something Silver Sonic II uses to its advantage.

The building falls on top of them both, and Eggman, watching from his base, cackles, knowing that Silver Sonic II is sturdy enough to survive such an impact. The Freedom Fighters desperately dig into the rubble only to find a hole in the ground beneath it, indicating that Sonic dug his way to safety through the ground. As he pops back out and continues to fight the robot, Nicole, Sally and Nate try to discern its potential weaknesses.

Damn, if Eggman somehow found an infinite power supply, why did he waste it on one measly little robot? You'd think he'd insert that into an Ultimate Annihilator Mk. II or something and get to work erasing existence. Sonic is shaken free from Silver Sonic II midair, and when Tails catches him, Silver Sonic II straight up jettisons his own foot into Tails' head as payback. Sonic becomes enraged at seeing his friend knocked out by the long-range kick, and this gives him enough strength to deal the final blow against his foe.

What indeed? Eggman certainly doesn't seem too fazed by Silver Sonic II's loss, as he installed a homing beacon in it for this very possibility, and intends to simply wait until the Freedom Fighters leave the city unattended and then waltz in to fix up his robot and get to conquerin'. However, the Freedom Fighters certainly don't seem too worried, leaving the city after saying goodbye to Big, who's heading back to the Mysterious Cat Country with Froggy in tow, and they hop in their aircraft only for it to immediately begin to careen out of control.

Sally orders Sonic and Tails to do some reconnaissance for signs of life nearby (why, I have no idea - they crashed like not even a mile from Station Square from the looks of it), and shoots Amy down when she tries to ask to go along. Nate, inspecting the damage, finds it to be the result of sabotage, and while he worries about who may have done it (the idea that it may have been, you know, Eggman, or the robot they were just fighting, doesn't seem to cross his mind), Eggman himself waltzes straight into the city like he didn't just try to murder everyone in it. Somehow he doesn't get immediately arrested on the street, and instead he finds his robot as planned - only Silver Sonic II is already repaired, and has been reprogrammed by Nate to serve as Station Square's loyal protector from now on! That's actually some damn good thinking on his part. Amusingly, Eggman races out with his former creation on his heels while shouting that "Payback is such a glitch!" which is maybe the closest this comic has come to actually swearing so far.

Home & Back

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils/Colors: Diamond Rose Studios

The art in this issue is really bizarre, for some reason - it's credited in its entirety to "Diamond Rose Studios," without elaborating on who actually worked on what, and the art style, particularly the shading, is pretty noticeably different from the style of other artists for the comic. If anything, it comes across much more like amateur work you might find on DeviantArt rather than official art for a licensed video game comic. But hey, it's not bad art, so no real problem here. Oh, and Rotor's finally back! It's been so long since we've seen him… *checks back* twenty-four issues, in fact! We unfortunately find him now in a nasty predicament - his bathysphere is taking on water fast, and he's not having any success radioing for help. He thinks back on how his last few months have been - shortly after he left to find his family, he indeed found them safe and sound with the help of the Arctic Freedom Fighters.

This issue seems to take place just shortly after Eggman's return, because Rotor recounts how just recently his family all fell under the mind control spell again, once more trying to kill him and forcing him to run for his life in his bathysphere, which was then damaged, leaving him stranded in his current predicament. Honestly, I have to point out right now that the timeline of these early eras is aaaall over the place. Issues are constantly throwing out random amounts of time, claiming that X amount of months have passed between this event and that event, only to claim a different amount of time between similar events over here and there. I mean, I got the initial impression that Robotnik had only died a maximum of maybe five months before Eggman's arrival, and yet here Rotor is claiming it had been nearly a year? Then on top of that he apparently spent months hanging out with his family in the North Sea, easily making it over a year since Robotnik's death - and yet the timeline of StH#72 and beyond clearly indicates that mere days passed in between his leaving and Eggman's return, yet here he is, claiming to have spent months with his family unmarred by any negative circumstances. Even if you argue that maybe the mind control was a delayed effect and only started back up right around now during the Chaos fiasco, the early issues of this era seem to indicate that not more than a few weeks have passed between Eggman's arrival and the Sonic Adventure adaption - this is his first evil world domination plot since his return, after all. What I'm saying is that the amounts of time that various issues claim have passed between most of these key events just don't line up with each other at all, so you really have to take any character's claim of months or years between events with a gigantic grain of salt. I don't know why they didn't put more effort into maintaining a consistent "schedule" if you will of events, if only for consistency's sake, but then again this bothers me probably more than most, just because I have a strong need for narrative consistency in my own stories. It's just another one of those odd plot holes that we kind of have to ignore to get anywhere.

Rotor, having finished with his chronologically-impossible recounting of previous events, realizes that the water leaking into his bathysphere is coming entirely too close to a mass of live wires, and makes the decision to abandon ship, preferring to risk a long swim back to the surface.

Well, at least these friendly fellas have got his back. Hopefully we'll see more of him back with the main Freedom Fighter chapter soon, because having him head off to find his family honestly felt like an excuse to just get rid of him as a character for a while, and I resent that, because Rotor is a big chubby bro and we deserve to see more of him being a badass sweetheart.

#nala reads archie sonic preboot #archie sonic #archie sonic preboot #sonic the hedgehog #sth 85 #writer: karl bollers #pencils: ron lim #pencils: diamond rose studios #colors: frank gagliardo #colors: diamond rose studios

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millennialzadr · 5 years ago

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About Page!

Hello~! Thank you so much for visiting my blog! My name is Koya, I’m 25, I’m pansexual, my pronouns are she/her, and I’m a full time freelance artist! My main blog is @koyakyuuun, so I’ll be liking and following from there!

Below are some guidelines for those who are curious to know more about this blog and what to expect from it, as well as some general info and FAQs!

Content Guidelines!

The focus of this blog!

So this blog is a mish mash of a couple different themes, but above all it is an adult oriented Invader Zim fan blog!! I grew up with the show and and was a BIG fan during highschool, and after rediscovering it this year I have been DAZZLED and DELIGHTED by the fan content being produced today!! I have a deeply nostalgic yet completely new perspective on the show now that I’m in my 20s, so alongside of celebrating iz content and fan content in general, this blog will center around my niche fave: the iz cast + millennial culture! in other words, the characters depicted as if they lived in the real world and aged in real time! I loved and related to the characters as a kid, and I still love them dearly to this day, so to see people experiment with character interpretations and create adult versions of them means I can still relate to them even now, and even make my own versions! and as a queer neurodivergent millennial who loves niche culture, my favorite versions of the characters are queer neurodivergent millennials who love niche culture!! (and by niche culture I mean MEMES, AESTHETICS, BAD FASHION, GAY CULTURE, CRYPTID CULTURE, DARK CORNERS OF THE INTERNET, CREATIVELY WEIRD SELF EXPRESSION ETC!!)

And of course the other main theme which fits into the first: ZADR! while I don’t ship Zim and Dib as they’re canonically presented in the show, I DO adore the idea of the two growing up together, eventually becoming friends, and eventually falling in love. I’m a Big Gay and I love romance and lgbt content, and ZADR holds such a soft place in my heart 😭 I wrote a big post about why I love it so much which you can see here if you’re curious about my interpretation of the ship!

And now, some guidelines!!

Things I enjoy and will be posting/reblogging!

- general IZ content! because holy SHIT I love the show and ALL the content the fandom creates is awe inspiring and amazing!!!

- millennial culture/humor! I FUCKING LOVE IZ + 2019 POP CULTURE REFERENCES AND MEME CONTENT OKAY

- POSITIVE CONTENT! IZ is my comfort content and I deeply admire the positive impact the show has had on so many people. I also interpret Zim and Dib as having hard lives and mental problems but eventually recovering and finding happiness (and making each other happy!!). I do also love vent content and gritty/dark themes from an artistic standpoint (and of course comedic Depression™ memes) but I will be focusing much more on comforting and uplifting content!

- character development/relationships, fluff, comedy, domestic content, daily life, sci fi, conspiracy/cryptid content, fashion portraits and camp horror!! these are my favorite themes!!

- friendship, romance, and found family!! I adore the relationships between the characters and they ALL DESERVE LOVE!!!!! JHONEN CAN BITE MY ASS

- the IZ creators!! speaking of Jhonen LOL I LOVE seeing content about the creators themselves!! I genuinely have such affection and admiration for the wonderful people who brought and continue to bring the world of IZ to life, they are such amazing and inspiring human beings and I will be celebrating them alongside their creations!!

- IZ characters + aesthetics!! some of my MOST favorite IZ content depicts the characters being stylized with or sporting the fashion of vaporwave, goth, grunge, pastel, spacecore, cryptidcore, future funk, 90s disastercore and any and all things strange, niche, glittery and neon, and I FUCKING LOVE IT. GOD

- and lastly, I talk a fuck of a lot, as you can probably tell by this post lol. I’ll be screaming in the tags constantly and am liable to write the occasional super long text post! for those who are into that, I invite you to have discussions with me! and for those who aren’t, feel free to ignore them!

Things I will be staying away from!

- romantic content that depicts the characters as minors AKA underage zadr!! there will be no kid ships here! I’m an adult and only enjoy shipping adult versions of the characters! kid content will be either canon, wholesome, or friendship content! while I do find adult versions of the characters attractive since they have qualities I find attractive in real life, I see the adult versions as almost completely different people since they’re so far removed from the source content, and the love I feel for the canon kids is HIGHLY maternal and very nostalgia centric. this would probably be more clear if I didn’t lump the two types of content into the same blog, but I really do love both the adult fan interpreted IZ world and the canon IZ world in equal measure, just in different ways!

- content that fetishizes or ‘yaoi’-fies gay relationships! I am a queer person and I enjoy queer content made by queer people for queer people, you’re not gonna find any “B-BUT WE’RE BOTH BOYS!” shit here 😂

- content that depicts abuse between friends or partners!! while violence is an active theme in zim and dib’s canonical relationship, I very much dislike zadr content that depicts the two being aggressive or malicious towards each other while they’re supposedly in love. complex relationships are certainly interesting, but while toxic and abusive relationships are realistic, they’re not okay and should not be romanticized. I understand some people use that kind of content to cope, but for me it’s nothing but bad feelings. sparring and play fighting is fine and good, consensual violence could be interesting to explore, but hatred will stay separate from romance on this blog.

- discourse and long conversations about negative topics! I acknowledge the importance of discussing problems within the fandom, however I wish for this blog to be a positive and comforting place, since iz content in general is positive and comforting for me! there may be an occasional post that touches on real life negative topics but overall this will be kept to a minimum.

- explicit content!! while I DO both draw and consume nsfw adult zadr content, it will not be on this blog! since tumblr decided to be idiots and remove any way for minors and people who don’t wish to see nsfw content to hide it, this blog will remain pg-13. I will also not be providing any links to my other sites because of this (I am a nsfw artist and I sell porn commissions for a living, not trying to shove that in the faces of my minor, ace and sex repulsed followers, but by all means seek out my art if you DO wish to!). similarly, I will not be releasing my nsfw zadr art publicly anywhere, since aged up characters are controversial and my career, being online, could suffer if someone wanted to use that against me. HOWEVER, for fellow adult fans with extra cash who take a shine to my art, paid content could be a possibility in the future 👀

Interaction Guidelines!

Things I’m okay with!

- tagging my posts in any way you wish! kinning is fine! any ship interpretation is fine! any gender/orientation interpretation is fine! sharing your thoughts/opinions is fine!

- as long as you CREDIT me! using my art for icons/headers etc, drawing my iz designs, referencing my art, and reposting my art on other sites is all okay!

- asks or anons of any questions you might have about me or my content!

- asks or anons popping in to share thoughts, opinions and ideas! it’s always nice to hear from other fans!

- leaving comments in the tags/replies/reblogs of my posts makes me very happy!! tumblr is the only place I post my fanart and I love seeing what people think of it!

Things I’m not okay with!

- messages, reblogs, tags or asks that are blatantly rude or disrespectful! I really do not care what the subject or reason is, if you act like an asshole, I will not respond and will block you!

- asks or messages that say only ‘hi’ or ‘how are you?’ I have no problem with people trying to be friendly but I never have a single idea of how to reply to these kinds of messages, I’m so sorry 😂 please talk to me about fandom stuff though!!

- pressure to produce content! I like any other creator adore comments and compliments, but things like “DRAW MORE!!” “MORE ZADR!!” “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DRAW MORE!!” are not compliments!! it is in fact very off putting so please don’t do that! it will mess with my motivation! consider commissioning me if you want more content!

- if you are considering trying to be my friend, please be 20+!! I am not comfortable being friends with teens! nothing against my teen followers, I respect and appreciate you, but please understand I cannot relate to you on a personal level, and besides that, being friends with someone over 20 can be harmful and even dangerous for minors! I am an adult and only wish to have adult friends! please respect my wishes!

About my content!

So since what I like to draw is usually pretty different from the show, here are the basic headcanons for my interpretations of adult Zim and Dib~! Basically they’re queer 2019 millennials who are damaged but doing their best and enjoy niche interests and subcultures. Zim is the type who’s tough to handle but it’s worth it because he’s an amazing and colorful person underneath it all and only those he’s close to get to see that, and Dib is an eccentric but completely reliable, intelligent, passionate, and loyal friend whose company is a familiar comfort and a total safe space. They live together and are mutually beneficial allies to friends to lovers!

I HAVE A FIC, or at least an idea for one lol and when using my designs for the characters, my drawings will most likely be set in its context! Affectionately nicknamed the Soft AU, it’s centered around rest, recovery, affection, care and bonding… bc I’m SOFT OKAY 😂 You can read the full summary here, but here’s the gist!

A little over a decade after arriving on earth, Zim’s banishment is reinstated and as a result his entire base and all his equipment is confiscated, leaving him stranded on Earth with no way off the planet and in danger of being caught and killed by the humans. Dib offers him a deal that he’ll hide Zim instead of turning him in in exchange for letting him study Zim. They live together in Dib’s apartment and eventually get used to each other. Loneliness induced affection ensues. Hooray!!

And now for the boys themselves!

My Dib!

- 25, 6′2″, Mexican, cis boy, bisexual, bilingual

- is recovering from depression and anxiety and has ADD and insomnia, has had a nicotine addiction

- has a ton of ear piercings and a few facial piercings, as well as a few tattoos

- is still just as obsessive about his interests as he was as a kid, just with more curbed enthusiasm due to, yknow, depression. researching Zim however brings his enthusiasm back full force. he still sucks at taking care of himself when enthralled with his work but he’s getting there

- runs various blogs, forums, and youtube channels making content about cryptids and conspiracy theories, the ad revenue of which is his main source of income (he dislikes using his father’s money to support himself, but will dip into the family account occasionally)

- is very patient and can communicate and problem solve very well, and is skilled at handling various conflicts and mental issues

- still has his ‘I hate people’ attitude but is more open minded and understanding than he used to be, and more compassionate. he has difficulty trusting strangers but his friends and family are very important to him

- can be moody and dramatic but he’s a big sweetheart at his core

- being friends with Zim has made him more willing to enjoy acting like a huge dork and total weirdo, even in public

My Zim!

- young adult, 5′5″, androgynous presenting demi boy, panromantic demisexual

- has PTSD and anxiety, is recovering with help from Dib

- displays inhuman behavior such as hissing, growling, chirring, chirping, scratching/biting, screeching, territory guarding and dominance displays

- is a demi boy, meaning he identifies as mostly but not completely male, and is more nonbinary than cis, but he’s never given it too much thought because gender is stupid. he has little to no concept and zero regard for human gender roles

- is a SHIT who’s main entertainment is annoying Dib and ‘winning’ arguments, but Dib seems to get harder to piss off as time goes on, much to his confusion

- pitches a fit when he doesn’t agree with/doesn’t want to do something but can be swayed with rewards such as food, sweets, new clothes, video games etc

- rambunctious and high energy, he gets stir crazy often, but since he hates the city he and Dib often take car trips to more fun/nicer places outside the neighborhood

- moody and bratty with skewed logic but smart and more intuitive than he used to be, he’s more than a handful to deal with, but this also makes him the most entertaining person Dib knows

- after having the free time to discover the world of aesthetics, he becomes very much into clothes, make up, accessories etc (be they masculine or feminine) and enjoys making a hobby out of creating a unique self image using fashion (thus also subconsciously asserting his individuality)

- is much more dependent on Dib than he admits (or even realizes)

- his beliefs in nationalism, fascism and genocide are direct results of brainwashing and personality altering programs run by his PAK, and are not actually part of his core personality (these programs will be overridden and deleted eventually)

Side Note: I haven’t thought as far with the other characters but my Gaz and Tak are definitely lesbians 😂

And finally, my tag list!

#my art - things that I drew!

#my post - any post that I posted!

#asks - asks!

#text post - any text post longer than a couple lines!

#video - videos!

#audio - audios!

#canon - content from the show/comic/movie etc!

#creators - any content featuring the IZ cast or crew!

#memes - memes, shitposts, short comics, comedic posts etc!

#friends - friendship art between any characters!

#family - family bonding between the membranes/found family between any characters!

#ships - ship art between adult characters!

#suggestive - any content that could be considered sexual in nature!

#positive - fluff, friendship, wholesome content, uplifting content, characters being happy/cute/having fun etc!

#negative - angst, vent art, violence, mental illness, dark themes, characters fighting/being sad/getting hurt etc!

#kids - content depicting characters as kids/irkens as their canon designs!

#adults - content depicting characters as adults/irkens with noncanon designs!

#millennials - content depicting adult characters that includes any modern culture! (personal fave)

#aesthetic - highly stylized or surreal portraits centered around aesthetic themes!

ship tags!: zadr (zim and dib romance), tagr (tak and gaz romance), rapr (red and purple romance)

friendship tags!: zadf (zim and dib friendship), tagf (tak and gaz friendship), zatf (zim and tak friendship), tadf (tak and dib friendship), zagf (zim and gaz friendship), zag (zim and gir)

character tags!: zim, dib, gaz, tak, gir, red, purple, membrane, skoodge, gretchen, keef, spork, miyuki, recap kid, bg chars, ocs

#i wrote an about since this blog is growing FAST #and i intend on staying active for a long time!!#i'll be using all the new tags from now on!#about #faq #my post

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blapisblogs · 5 years ago

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So somehow Corey Taylor has now ended up in the place where I’m assuming the other Nostalgia Critic episodes take place, which has all these parody posters of previous Nostalgia Critic reviews and Doug Walker’s YouTube plaques on the walls. Doug, you spent a majority of at least the first half of this “review” beating us over the head with how much you hate Roger Waters’s ego, but then you show us shots like this and expect people to not comment on yours? Of course there is a very slight chance that this might’ve been an attempt at self-deprecation, showing that Doug is aware that “Nostalgia Critic” has just as much of an ego as Waters and he’s just oblivious to it, but given how the rest of this “review” is and how Doug has reportedly acted behind the scenes on other projects, I highly doubt it.

Now you’d think that with Corey Taylor here and the “review” being nearly over that this would be the part where he finally says something, especially since we’re close to one of the few times we hear Bob Geldof sing in the film. You’d be wrong. Before Doug can finish whatever speech he had planned for this part, he answers a call from... some dude asking about the whereabouts of someone called Lucy Lacemaker. Oh boy... So something I’ve been mostly ignoring is that there’s a strange creature that’s popped up briefly a few times throughout the “review”. That creature is Lucy Lacemaker, the creation of someone called Fennah, making a guest appearance in this review because... uh... The Wall had weird animated characters in it? That’s what Lucy starts talking about: how the animated characters’ designs were creative but the characters themselves were terribly underused (“All paint, no ink” as she puts it). If you’ve actually seen the film, then you know that this criticism doesn’t make sense. The animated characters and creatures in The Wall aren’t exactly characters in and of themselves; they’re figments of Pink’s imagination that are either meant to symbolize things (i.e. the black eagle in “Goodbye Blue Sky” being the Nazis who did aerial bombings on England), purposefully one-dimensional caricatures of real people in Pink’s life who’ve damaged him (his overprotective mother, his cheating wife, the abusive schoolmaster), or sometimes even how he sees himself in that moment (the mostly inanimate doll and possibly Judge Worm). They aren’t the main focus of the film or album because the focus is Pink and his internal struggles. (I was gonna say “That’d be like saying that Tamatoa should’ve been the main character of Moana when the film is about Moana”, but... no, that would still make more sense because at least Tamatoa is an actual character in that film and not a figment of someone’s imagination, despite what some grimdark edgelord fan theories say.)

Anyway, it fades to... some sort of alternate universe or dimension or something? Whatever, Doug’s now in this world of weirdos who sing about what they think of the film? I guess? This is a “parody” of “The Trial”, the climax of the film where Pink mentally, well, puts himself on trial for “showing feelings” and culminates in him making himself “tear down the wall”, allowing himself to feel and move on from his trauma. On the one hand I get the most basic line of logic for this “parody” (“The Trial had weird animated creatures, so therefore this parody of it should have weird animated creatures”), but this looks and feels so out of place here. I mean, if these creatures were in a video about Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland movies I wouldn’t bat an eye at it, but for a video about The Wall it feels so wrong. It gets worse when you know that the animated characters in The Trial all have connections to Pink whereas these characters are from a completely different creator with no ties to Doug Walker at all (or even Corey Taylor, who, you know, is supposed to be standing in for Pink). It’s not like Doug doesn’t have characters of his own or that they couldn’t fill in the spaces of the people in The Trial if he wanted to (Chester A. Bum, Devil Boner, Hyper Fangirl, The Devil, Charts Guy, Bill, etc.), so the lack of using them for this and instead using characters from something completely unrelated to his show made by someone completely unrelated to his crew makes it feel impersonal, which is the exact opposite of what The Trial did. It needs to be personal in order for it to have the proper impact on Pink (or whoever’s standing in for him in this case), so removing that element from it takes away a lot of the punch.

I don’t want to be too harsh on this sequence because I know a lot of people have given Fennah guff over it (and supposedly they didn’t take the backlash regarding their part in it very well), but even with how out-of-place it is I have to admit the animation isn’t too bad, especially given that this was all done in about two and a half weeks. Oh yeah, according to Fennah, Doug Walker only gave them about two and a half weeks to do all this animation, which is half of what it normally takes for him to make something like this. What the fuck, Doug? You claim that you worked on this “review” for at least two months (not that it shows) and you only gave Fennah two and a half weeks to animate their parts? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised given how much you overworked your former associates on the set of To Boldly Flee, but I guess you really didn’t learn anything from that. I mean, the least you could’ve done was try to react a little more to all these weird creatures and places you found yourself in for no reason, yet your acting is somehow worse than the performances in other animation-live action hybrid movies you’ve criticized in the past.

But enough of all that, let’s look at the lyrics for this parody of one of my favorite parts from both the album and film. Because fuck me, we’re almost done.

[Lyrics (and snark) below the cut]

[Note: I don’t know anything about Fennah, their webshow Satellite City, or anything else they do; the only character name I know is Lucy’s, so the rest of these are gonna be very crappy physical descriptions. Apologies in advance for that.]

Someone vaguely like Lucy I guess but way bigger and with horns: Right then, Lucy Lacemaker, The court will take a vote On if the film that plays before us Can in any way show some feelings, Ruddy feelings of an almost canny nature From joys to blues

[Lady, if you and these other characters wanted to do a comprehensive analysis of The Wall, then you should’ve done it way sooner and not in the last seven to eight minutes of someone else’s video, let alone the video of someone who doesn’t even really analyze it themselves.]

Five-armed scarecrow motherfucker: I always said I like a well-made ditty

[Well you’re not going to be hearing any of that in this video, dude. Edit: So I thought this said “I always said I like to wear me titty”, which of course makes no sense, but according to another video, these are the actual words. It makes more sense, but that’s still what I hear whenever I stumble upon a video talking about this.]

I will not suffer shitty Fools that bring forth Naught but pity For their lack of wit and wild

[Jesus christ, is this yet another jab at Roger Waters?! I got enough of that from Doug Walker beating it into everyone’s skulls for the last half-hour, I don’t need to hear it from whoever the hell this is too.]

But here we rather find The result of heart and artist I say the music here is joyous!

[At this point I can’t even tell if this is supposed to be a genuine compliment or a backhanded one.]

But with that, we have to say

Black, spiky, horned demon goat thing: Lazy Left in the attic We’re not crazy Constantly dreaming I just wish they’d give us some more time to live

[How is the film not being about you “lazy”? Are you even talking about this film specifically, or just movies with underused cool-looking creatures in general? Also, this seems pretty ironic given that each of these characters (with the exception of Lucy) only get maybe a few seconds of screentime in this “review”.]

Horned kangaroo lizard titty monster with no pants: Lazy, Constantly (???) as being lazy

[This is the one most everyone points to when they talk about the lyrics being unintelligible, and I don’t blame them because I’ve seen this part multiple times and still can’t fully figure out what she’s saying. Also, I’m sorry Fennah, but somebody’s gotta say it: the lip-syncing here is awkward at best.]

Multi-horned Christmas goat motherfucker: Those little shits They’ve done it now We all deserve personalities They could’ve used us Far more often than they did, But no! They had to go their own way

[Again, this film’s not about the weird creatures for a reason: they’re not the focus because they aren’t real in the context of the film and the focus is Pink and his personal struggles. If you want animated characters with creative designs that have more screentime and development, then I have no clue what made you think you’d get it from this film out of all the other animated media out there. Not every animation-live action hybrid movie is trying to be Who Framed Roger Rabbit (especially not this one since it came out years before Roger Rabbit did).]

We’re bored of Alice! We want the Hatter

[Okay, credit where it’s due, I like this tiny bit here by itself. I definitely don’t think it works as a “criticism” of The Wall, but it’s decently creative in a way.]

Just five minutes more, your honor, Them and us alone

Blue Skyrim-looking dragon: Wait! This film’s not bound by characters It’s a visual affair It never aimed to tell a story

[Were you watching the same film that everyone else was, or are you somehow confusing it with the “review” you’re currently in? The film does have characters and does tell a story, and I think it does a pretty decent job at it (even better than the album I’d argue), unlike this “review” which tries to have a narrative but becomes less and less cohesive as it drags on.]

Rather sprawling canvas of Emotion visual splendor And your honor, we can take that home

[Take what home? I don’t even know what your argument is supposed to be here. This just sounds like word salad at this point.]

Tall Sean Connery-sounding werewolf in a striped robe: Maybe There’s more to the picture Just maybe Both sides of the wall

[...Nobody in this “review” actually knows what “The Wall” that the film and album are talking about is supposed to be, do they?]

Sean Connery-sounding werewolf and white lizard thing: There’s a difference between nonsense, after all That and Creation

Mutated cow monster thing on a moon surrounded by jellyfish: Genius and nonsense And creation

[Okay, again, credit where it’s due: the lip-sync for this thing is awkward, but this is the only person or thing in this “review” with a genuinely pleasant and clear singing voice. Shame that she only gets two or three short lines, one of which she has with the previous duo.]

Lucy Lacemaker: The evidence before the court is Incontrovertible There’s no need for the jury to retire In all my years of judging, I have never seen before

[With the exception of one word in that last part, Lucy’s whole bit here is completely lifted from the original. Some of these were already cutting it close to the original’s, but this is just straight up copying it. I don’t know who wrote this part of the “review” (I’ve gotten conflicting information on whether it was Doug or Fennah who wrote this particular parody), but whoever it was, you’ve got some nerve to have characters call the film “lazy” only to later turn around and do this.]

A film so deserving Of both love and wanting more The way it makes you tougher, Makes you think and feel but suffer, Fills me with the urge to decapitate

[Go on, Lucy! Off with his head! Edit: I guess here’s as good a point as any to point out that, at least according to TV Tropes, Lucy is a lesbian who likes to murder people, so apparently that’s supposed to be funny. ...Yeah, no, it’s not. Fuck you, TV Tropes.]

I believe this film is packed

[I’m being generous in assuming she said “packed” at least, because it sound like she’s saying “hacked” but that doesn’t really make sense. Then again this whole bit in this “review” doesn’t really make sense when it comes down to it.]

With much to be revered But the marvelous creatures Should be adored As opposed to being feared

[...You mean you want people to love the animated creatures based on literal abusers and Nazis?]

Tear down the wall!

[What wall?! In the context of this “review” there is no wall! Even if the context here is that there’s a “wall” between nightmarish fantasy and reality, then Lucy and/or Fennah already broke it offscreen before this whole number started. Or are you talking about the film/album The Wall? If that’s the case, then why are you demanding that Doug Walker tear it down when he was already doing that long before you showed up? What did Doug have to do with any of this? What the hell happened to Corey Taylor during all this?! Why did I waste so much time writing all this down?! Why did I do this to myself?! WHY?!]

#Blapis tears down NC's The Wall #long post #bold text warning #capslock warning #very long post #Nazi mention //#abuse mention //#yes I did just somewhat compare Tamatoa to the animated creatures in Pink Floyd's The Wall; the fuck are you gonna do about it

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wakraya · 7 years ago

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My problem with the "we're real people we don't have arcs" line is that they do in the post retcon timeline? However brief they are they still exist, but they are all solved by vriska. Rose still got drunk, dave still doesn't want to time travel, karkat struggles with his position of leadership and relationships, and terezi still gets into a black relationship with gamzee. Instead of trying to fix their flaws on their own they're done by vriska. 1/

Vriska knocks the drink out of rose’s hand, vriska captures gamzee before his and terezi’s relationship goes bad, vriska takes the role of leader from karkat and distracts terezi from dave leaving karkat not having to worry if she and dave are a thing and pursues dave, dave gets karkat who he can talk to about some of his issues. Someone else fixing everyone’s flaws doesn’t feel genuine. 2/

Sure vriska doesn’t fix every problem but the ones she did fix were ones we have seen characters struggle with for years. It still cheats us out of any resolution that many fans have been waiting for years. It also begs the question of how serious are these flaws if you can just knock a drink out of a hand to stop them. 3/3

———————————————————————————————————–

See, here’s where I have an opinion that differs drastically from the Fandom’s, and that is, I think most of Vriska’s involvement post-retcon is ultimately useless to the characters, and nothing she does actually fixes anything.

You see, Vriska is a very special brand of attention whore, she just LOVES being the center of attention, regardless of what it is. She wants to be the one to defeat the Villain, and so creates him, she wants to face English herself, she’s in the most literal sense, as her role indicates, stealing the spotlight from the story at any chance she gets. But while the focus shifts to her constantly? She doesn’t actually do shit.

Let me explain: I’ve heard this argument, that Vriska’s involvement was a Deux Ex Machina that just solved every single problem the people on the Meteor had and thus made them less relatable, but that’s just not true. Let’s go one by one:

Rose and her drinking addiction, what many people don’t get about this interaction is that Vriska doesn’t give a FUCK if Rose is an alcoholic or not. What she doesn’t want is a useless Seer. We only see her smacking the drink off her hand once, but by the descriptions by Karkat and Dave and the attitude Kanaya has towards her, it’s obvious that Vriska has been bossing them around for three entire years, which means at any moment she’s seen Rose fall into alcoholism, she’s stopped her, to keep a valuable asset for the fight that was to come. Now the thing to have in mind is that Rose getting drunk so often is bad, very bad for her. But she doesn’t just drink for the sake of it. She starts drinking because she’s nervous to go out with Kanaya. And she keeps drinking to mask the underlying fear of growing up. Her Development, her Mother, Rose has a TON of issues she masks with the alcohol, and we see it when we get to the Session and she fails to foresee the creation of Rosesprite and Jasprose. Rose struggles with her powers and her role in the group, and while the alcoholism is gone, her problems with her growth aren’t. That being said, post-credits, it seems marrying Kanaya and taking care of Grubs left her happy and complacent. But Vriska had nothing to do about that.

Terezi on the other hand is better off without Vriska than with her. Game Over Terezi had regrets about killing Vriska, and it fucked her up in the long run, getting together with Gamzee, fixing her eyesight, and eventually, leading her to forcing John to fix what she’d done. However, the catharsis of not having to kill Vriska doesn’t come without a cost. They become Moirails- And this Moirailship is absolutely one-sided. Vriska uses Terezi to feel better about herself, while Terezi dwells in the thoughts of this other Terezi that planned the trip back in time for John and did all the cool shit. She sticks with Vriska even though their relationship is toxic, to the point to bring herself to fight, she uses her powers to experience the catharsis of a version of herself who got together with the Vriska she wants. Terezi’s regrets about killing Vriska were the thought of changing her, of making her a better person. But post-Retcon? She’s more cocky than ever. She thinks she’s the center of the Universe! Terezi wants (Vriska) to be healthy and happy. But all she’s getting is an even worse Spiderbitch. And even though she knows it, she goes back into the broken Furthest Ring to try and get her.

Kanaya is happier with Rose being more healthy and not drunk all of the time, however with her complicated relationship with Vriska, things have turned around. Initially, Kanaya had red feelings for Vriska, but was stuck in a Moirailship with her, and eventually caught her making out with Tavros, which made her fall off with the jadeblood. And now that she’s back alive? It’s hard to say if Vriska’s red-flirting with Kanaya or just trying to get her attention, but she’s heavily getting on her nerves. Kanaya dislikes Vriska and feels nothing for her anymore, but now it’s her who wants the jadeblood, too, to pay her attention.

Gamzee, well. I mean. Vriska’s making his life impossible in the meteor and she ends up stuffing him in the fridge, but this is very much well deserved. Fuck the clown.

Karkat may not have Quadrant Issues with Terezi anymore post-retcon, but his leadership issues are shining more than ever. Vriska has replaced him at his job, she’s taken the spotlight and thrown him off the stage entirely. He mellows down and hangs out with Dave, but the way he acts when he falls asleep and leads the charge towards English? Echidna’s words about keeping him safe? The fight with Clover? Karkat wanted action, he wanted to be useful to his friends and actually lead them as a leader, even though he’s not really good at that and his eager, initial charges seem to only harm him in the longer run. Thankfully Dave and the Mayor seem to support him through it.

Dave, well… His catharsis comes later with Dirk and Vriska has nothing to do with any development he has or stops having. It’s obvious he dislikes Vriska too, though, and I bet along with the other things they have in common, seeing Karkat’s position of leadership fall upon Vriska aided get their relationship going. See, that’s the thing- Dave and Karkat, much like Kanaya and Rose, are happy together and show how happy they are together, but they don’t have their issues resolved. On Karkat’s side it’s the Leadership, on Dave’s it’s the Fighting itself. Confidence the Spiderbitch herself does nothing aid with.

And finally we get to the Session, where Vriska finally shines and puts Jade and Jane to sleep. Now that is the only thing she helps with, and yet, was it truly necessary on her part? You see, it did speed things up and left Condy without two immensely valuable assets, but even if she hadn’t done this, the Kids would’ve in the long run defeated Jade and Jane themselves.

Now this isn’t explicitly canon, so take it with a grain of salt, but when Artist Caliborn sees his future on the screen and describes the Masterpiece, he explicitly states that he’s surprised by the Kids appearing in a retconny John flash. He also has the ring that Calliope gets to resurrect. That makes me think Artist Caliborn is not the Alpha Caliborn that will later become Lord English, tying with my thoughts that with the Retcon, by the end, we’re not even following the ‘Alpha Timeline’, since the Alpha Timeline is that which favors Lord English, and the point of the Retcon and finishing the game is to escape the clutches of Paradox Space and the Alpha Timeline. So thematically, this makes a lot of sense. And so if the Vriska is 8ack Timeline is not the Alpha, the most likely outcome is that the Alpha Timeline where the Kids have won and regrouped to take down Caliborn is one in which Vriska wasn’t brought back. Which means even then, against all odds, they won.

But even if she did help take those two down, okay, a small win for Vriska. Compared to what she does later it’s nothing at all, right? She makes up the entire plan to win the session, and she faces Lord English herself to defeat him! She ends up stealing the Spotlight! Except… That’s all she does. She inserts herself there, at the very front of the story… And does absolutely zilch for anyone but herself.

The plan she makes is an absolute failure, and going against everything she’s planned is what ends up happening in the Session. The Felt is the least troublesome bunch? They end up time-warping around, being extremely meddlesome and manage to kill Jake once and cause a bunch of mayhem around, have to be taken on by Jake, Karkat, Dad, and the Skeleton Army to stop them from messing everything up. The Healer can’t fall, if Jane falls they’re done for! And yet Jane falls and they still push through. If Jade wakes up it could jeopardise the entire mission, she must be kept asleep at all costs- But she wakes up anyway, and Condy is too busy in Derse to notice her and put her back under her control. The people she disregards the most seem to be the ones that ended up doing the most shit in the fight, because she’s an asshole. Vriska is an absolute and utter, self-centered asshole, and her entire existence from the Retcon onwards is to be there in the middle of everything without regard of what’s actually favorable and what isn’t.

She doesn’t even STICK with the gang to help them win the Session, instead she heads to the Furthest Ring… Where she finds (Vriska) and abuses her psychologically. (Vriska) is the antithesis of all Vriska is. (Vriska) is a Vriska that actually came to terms with the fact she’d done wrong, that she had paid the ultime price for her transgressions… And that, in death, had slowly realized the futility of trying to change things, that she was no longer relevant. This irks Vriska. (Vriska) has stopped acting like a Thief of Light. (Vriska) is no longer trying to seek the Spotlight, and she can simply not comprehend something like this.

Then she goes on to try and rebuild the Ghost Army to take English down- And again, she does nothing. Tavros, to rub it in her face, has built the army himself, and now proceeds to gift it to Meenah to rub it in. Tavros becoming subservient willingly to Meenah is the ultimate Fuck You to the Spider Troll. She wants to be relevant, she SHOULD BE THE ONE to lead the army! But Meenah and Karkat team up to lead the charge, while Vriska stays with the Juju.

Juju that (Vriska) and the previous Ghost Army found. Juju that Aradia carried along and guarded.

When the climax of Act 7 happens and she opens the crate? That’s it. That’s her moment. She steps in front of the army during the next charge, after Karkat charged in first, after Meenah attacked English first, after part of the army is already dead, after Davepeta had their chance to fight English. She steps in, as if she owned the place, and uses the weapon.

True to herself, Vriska works to benefit only herself towards the end of the comic, and if it helps anyone else at all, it’s only tangential casualty.

Does she solve some problems? Yeah she does, to advance her own agenda. But she ignores the root of most of them, and disregards a ton of other issues and some of the characters entirely as if they were useless. All Vriska wants is to shine. And in the end? I seriously hope she’s dead and re-dead with Lord English in that cozy pocket of a Black Hole torn in the middle of Paradox Space.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Spoilers #Vriska Serket #Vriscourse #Retcon #LONG Post

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

Text

August 12th-August 18th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from August 12th, 2019 to August 18th, 2019. The chat focused on Catians: Resurrection by Cortney Cameron (Writer) and Luyi Bennett (Artist).

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Catians: Resurrection by Cortney Cameron (Writer) and Luyi Bennett (Artist)~! (https://catians.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until August 18th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Do you think there will be any larger consequences to Rose’s brutal rampage, especially in terms of how human society might react to rumors of the guardians? Overall, how does Rose’s brutal rampage make you feel about her as a character?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Do you think Rose is gone for good, or can she somehow be saved? If she is saved, how do you think she might be changed as a person. Also, how will Rose’s absence, and the second tail’s absence, affect the guardians?

RebelVampire

1) My favorite scene is probably the one where Rose gets swallowed by her own creation. The story starts off really kind of light-hearted, gets a bit of a dark twist, and then everything culminates in that scene. It was the right blend of both unexpected yet totally sensible that really made it stick with me and kind of scare me a bit. So I appreciate it for being able to inspire that feeling in me. 2) I kind of feel like at least the cops are gonna notice something. Like maybe there'll be that one nosy detective who everyone thinks is crazy but is constantly noticing all the weird stuff going on and insisting they investigate. Thus, the guardians will have their activities hampered cause at leat one person will be suspicious. I don't know how to feel about Rose's character other than she's a good showcase of what happens when you don't address grief properly. Cause you wind up going down the crazy street and releasing your emotions in...well not so good ways.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. What aspect of Rose’s grief over Jason did you identify with the most? What can we learn from Rose’s mistakes in terms of how we deal with grief in real life?

Luyi

Hi there, Luyi (the artist) here! I want to say thanks so much for taking a look at Catians this week. I'm looking forward to seeing what people think!

I don't think I can address the other questions without spoilers(!), but let me throw my two cents into the mix for the last two: 5) My favorite illustration is when Rose wakes up in the forest. I'm pretty happy with how the lighting turned out in that scene.

6) Rose's grief is a big driving force of the overall story. The writer, Cortney, has struggled with grief in her life, and it plays a big role in the birth of the villain. I am honored and humbled by the chance to illustrate this prologue, as it addresses a massive emotional response that most people have no choice but to face in their lives.

The Q

I'm still reading, currently, but so far I really enjoy the lighting on page 15, especially panel 7.

Also, the juxtaposition between the fairytale-esque cat's world and the very realistic human world is extremely interesting!

Though I must admit, so far in the epilogue, I'm having a hard time figuring out where the plot wants to go. Do you all feel the same way? Or differently?

All in all, a very interesting story! I think the artwork is really solid - and it's TOUGH making cats expressive! I'm really excited to see where it goes from here.

snuffysam

@RebelVampire It would be interesting if some detective notices the weird stuff going on. The police dropped the murder case against Jason, so involving them in the story in the future would give Rose yet another reason to be antagonistic ("you weren't there when i needed you" and such).

My favorite character is Rose just because, so far, she has the most depth. She started out kind-hearted, but over the course of the prologue we get to see her descent into sadism due to her grief. Watching a character arc unfold like that is always interesting to see, as it teaches us lessons about handling grief in real life. For instance, learning the difference between justice and revenge.(edited)

snuffysam

@The Q I'm not sure I had the same troubles figuring out where the plot wants to go. This prologue seemed like it was introducing us to the story's future antagonist - someone who was corrupted by the power of the tail. Felix's "choose better than I did" statement seems to imply that there will be another tail user soon, one who will take more of a protagonist-y role. The short time skip where Rose learned to use her powers seems like it will be foreshadowing for us watching our future protagonist learn in real time, and learning about Rose's character arc now could help set up future parallels in the story.

The Q

@snuffysam True, now that you mention it! I was maybe a bit quick to type that up before I had time to digest the prologue haha

Now I'm just excited to see what'll happen to Rose from here on out! Will we see her again? Is she gone for good? Is she gonna create more people?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. What exactly do you think the abomination that Rose created was? What about it caused Felix to warn the Council that the guardians needed to be chosen? What do you think the abomination will do now?

RebelVampire

3) My favorite character right now is probably Felix. Just a good cat who wanted to save someone, but then it all went wrong. But I mostly appreciate the end of the prologue where Felix uses the last of his strength to try and salvage stuff and admit his mistake. 4) I think Rose can be saved, and I actually think she has to. Cause usually these things like an all for one package. You can't have a complete puzzle if one of the pieces is missing. So she has to be saved for whatever their ultimate goal is going to be. I think even if she is saved, though, it'll be a temp thing. I think she'll overall just be too traumatized by her actions and have too much pent up guilt to really function in life normally again.

5) My favorite illustration is probably the last page of the prologue with all the cats looking all serious and dramatic. https://catians.com/comic/chapter-0-page-24/ I really love the lighting and texture on the fur. Plus, something about the white cat's design makes just chuckle and want to hug said cat. 6) For me, I think I most identified with the first part where she was in the shocked denial stage. Her emotions were really poignant to me at that part, and I think regardless of where your grief goes from that point, that is always the first stage. In terms of what we can learn...well ya know, revenge ain't great. And you need to accept the loss and not try to clean to the past, because it leads to some unhealthy stuff. Unfortunately, gotta accept the memories and grow and move past it. And not murder people and create abominations. Probably.

7) I liked seeing Rose and Felix the most since they got the most screen time. I liked how their interactions had both this understanding yet fundamental misunderstanding cause of the species divide. And I kind of like that Felix could just flat out not see how grief had affected Rose until the end, cause it felt a natural consequence of their interactions. 8) I feel the abomindation was a creature that was without a soul, because can't create souls or something. And because of that it's now going to go on an endless rampage of eating trying to get a soul. Only you can't get souls by eating people so it will thus never be fulfilled. And this is why ya gotta warn the council, cause can't have soul eaters on the loose.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Who do you think the guardians will be, and what will they be like? What sort of tasks do you think they’ll be tasked to do? Also, do you think they’ll even be willing to adapt and help the cats?

Cortney

Hi, I'm Cortney, part of the Catians team along with @Luyi (who dropped in above). I'd like to thank the Comic Tea Party for featuring Catians this week! I have really enjoyed the discussion, users' excellent analyses, and @RebelVampire's very thought-provoking questions. 1. It's really tough for me to pick a single favorite scene, but I think I'd actually echo @RebelVampire on Rose getting absorbed. @Luyi did an amazing job bringing this to life -- I was worried the concept would be hard to understand, but she illustrated it just like I imagined (a credit to her intuition and skills). As creepy and horrifying as the scene is, it was extremely satisfying to see it play out on the page just as it did in my head. 5. My favorite illustration is so hard to choose... I think I've narrowed it down to between the Great Cat, Felix and Rose admiring the tombstone, the last scene with final cats (which, I'm a little embarrassed to admit, always gives me goosebumps!). The perspective and lighting on the tombstone scene is beautifully done. I think Rose's pose is confident, like her mastery of her new abilities is sinking in, and this foreshadows her shift towards taking action. P.S. I always laugh at the white cat, too, @RebelVampire -- he'll be back in the next issue, even more absurd. (edited)

6. As @Luyi mentioned, I've struggled with grief in my life, having lost both of parents fairly young. My first major loss, my father, occurred before I started the Catians story proper, and I think that experienced shaped Catians and its themes. My second major loss, my mother, occurred just before the conversion of the manuscript into a comic, and (since I was a little older) it provided even more perspective on grief, life after death, and different ways of processing loss. I try not to judge her reactions too much, since her loss was more violent and traumatic than anything I've experienced, but yeah, as @RebelVampire pointed out, Rose displays rather ineffective and self-destructive coping mechanisms. I really empathized with her when she was feeling "void," like she didn't even exist, after losing Jason.

7. I enjoyed @RebelVampire's breakdown of Felix and Rose's interactions, and the fundamental disconnects that ultimately plagued their communications. I do wish we could've had more time to see Jason and Rose interacting, but maybe we'll learn more about the pair down the line. @The Q I have to give a huge kudos to @Luyi for giving the cats expressions that look natural and also (in my opinion) pack emotional punches. Also, thanks for commenting on the site! @snuffysam Great analysis of the prologue!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Do you think the guardians will be at risk for misusing their role in the same way that Rose misused her powers? Will the cats take measures to prevent another repeat? Overall, what can we learn about the concept of power corruption?

RebelVampire

9) I already mentioned this in general for fave illustration, but I still enjoy the lighting and technique used for the fur. Fur is a really hard thing to illustrate, but all the cats just look so soft and I want to huge them all and pet the computer screen so I can pet the great cats. 10) To be fair you can cheat and look at the cast page for this one. I don't know what they'll be like inidividually, but on the whole I think they're going to be reluctant and inexperienced. I want to assume there'll be some magic battling and that they'll try to stop the abomination. Maybe the abomination can like drop pieces of itself that in term become abominations. As for willingness, umm, probably not. Like maybe one will be like "yaay sounds fun" until they realize oh shit, it's not a game.

11) I think the comic's strengths are its balance of tones. Like the comic is really good at switching from benign seriousness to semi-disturbing horror really quickly in the span of a few panels, and that's really hard to do while maintaining good pacing. But it really helps bring the drama of the horror forward and make an impact. 12) 100% yes, the guardians will be at risk. Probably not from grief like rose, but power is a powerful drug and no one is immune. Honestly, I don't think the cats will take any measures to stop it, but more they will be wary to trust, which I can't blame them for. Overall, though, I think what happened to Rose shows that no matter how nice a person is, things can go south real fast when you push hard enough and give someone power they arent ready for.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Overall, why do you think The Great Cat dictated that humans and cats should work together? By the end of the story, do you think cats and humans will have a better relationship, or will it not make a difference?

RebelVampire

13) I am looking forward to meeting the guardians and seeing how the cats get them onboard while also keeping rose looming in the back of their minds. Sounds like the makings of great drama. 14) I think The Great Cat thought both species balanced each other out in a complimentary way. That and cooperation sounds better than both species fighting for the rights to dominate the planet. By the end of the story, idk. I feel like the relationship will be more or less the same, but maybe with a smidgen more trust thrown in as humanity shows its own merits that makes cats think "ok they arent all abomination creators"

NiaNook

1. Can't say I have a favorite. There's a lot of parts in a lot of different places I enjoyed 2. I don't see human society reacting to the guardians being anything big.... YET. They eventually had to discontinue looking for Jason's murderers, after all. It was thrilling to see Rose using her new abilities to brutalize those gangsters, and I can sympathize with her. She's frustrated, empty, filled with grief, and wants to avenge her husband. She let that grief and vengeance get the best of her and showed an uglier side of herself, but I can't see her as a bad person for it... maybe flawed, desperate, and human, but not bad. 3. With just a prologue, let's go with Felix, for now. He seems to be a very good and very wise, kitty (wisdom still increasing as he learns from his mistakes, of course!) 4. I don't have a lot of hope for poor Rose, though if she can be saved, what a happy turn of events that would be! She seemed to have an understanding of the mistake she made as she was being absorbed at the end.(edited)

NiaNook

5. This page, maybe. https://catians.com/comic/chapter-0-page-19/ The atmosphere and those two panels of Felix looking at her and turning away really show a lot of strong emotion (Mixed with the dialogue, it was just a really powerful and foreboding page) Felix genuinely just wants to help her. 6. What really made it hit home the hardest was seeing her still struggling to get out of that pit of grief, long after it's already happened. It's not easy to let go. Sometimes you feel like life has played a cruel prank on you and you desperately wish to reset it, but you can't. Your mind goes all kinds of crazy places trying to cope and fill that emptiness, and later you'll realize you're still empty and did something you regret (maybe not as extreme as killing people, but you get the idea). 8. I think the abomination is an embodiment of the sorrow and emptiness Rose couldn't get rid of. She gave it form, and poetically, it swallowed her. Something tells me either that creature isn't completely gone and it may cause more harm to others. 10. The prologue and the image in the site banner almost look like they're from 2 different stories, so there's a lot of mystery about where the guardians come in and what they'll be like, but it will probably have something to do with getting rid of those pink abominations

NiaNook

11. and 13. (combining these two) The comic is a lovely combination of expressive art and thoughtful, inspired writing. I actually peeked at it a few weeks ago when I was checking out the book club listings and unintentionally ended up reading through the whole thing! It just kept giving me so many questions, so many exciting or unexpected twists and turns, and there was something so delightfully bizarre about regular humans mixing with magical guardian cats that left me wanting to see where it went from here! What are our little kitties even up to when they're not chasing birds or sleeping beside us on our beds? What's up with these cat deities? How can such divine creatures be so fluffy and adorable!? (hehe) I'm hoping for more of all of this. More bizarre cat stuff. More strong character conflict, and uncovering answers to their mysterious way of life. 14. Perhaps it's something about combining different strenghts; cats are the wise decision makers, humans are the hands that move things along, or something along those lines. I sure hope it improves their relationship, because from what Felix tells us in the beginning, these humans have not been very kind to cats at all

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Catians: Resurrection this week! Please also give a special thank you to Cortney Cameron (Writer) and Luyi Bennett (Artist) for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Catians: Resurrection, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://catians.com/

Buy Catians’ Hardcopy: https://www.amazon.com/Catians-Resurrection-Prologue-Second-Tail/dp/1096221403

Catians’ Merch Store: https://catians.com/merch/

Catians’ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/catians

Catians’ Twitter: https://twitter.com/catians

#ctparchive #comics #indie comics #webcomics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic bookclub #webcomic book club #comic tea party #ctp #catians #catians resurrection #luyi bennett #cortney cameron

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acuppellarp · 5 years ago

Photo

We’re excited to announce that Aly has decided to level up Eva Vega from a mumu minor character to a main character! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours.

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Aly + She/Her. Age: 27. Timezone: GMT. Ships: Eva/Chemistry. Anti-Ships: Eva/Forced.

IC INFO

Full Name: Eva Sofía Vega. Face Claim: Gina Rodriguez. Age/Birthday: 29/January 31st. Occupation: Music Journalist for Billboard Magazine. Personality: Adaptable, Chill, Enthusiastic, Impulsive, Sarcastic. Hometown: Chicago, Illinois. Bio:

Originally from Chicago, the Vega family have many members, and not very much money to go around. There are seven children in total, with Eva the eldest girl (she has two older brothers, three younger brothers and one younger sister), and the only one born to her absent father. Unfortunately, her mother, Camila, has just never been able to hold down a solid relationship, but she has always done everything she can for her children with what little money she has, and if anyone were to ask Eva who her hero is, she’d say her mother without missing a beat. Because Camila has always worked multiple (admittedly minimum wage) jobs, her mother, Eva’s widowed grandmother, has always been a staple in their home, moving in with Camila when Eva was still in diapers.

Until she was old enough to work herself, Eva would help out her abuelita with her younger siblings as much as she could, then begun to work part-time jobs as soon as she was of age to do so. Basically, she’s no stranger to hard work; she has seen her mother do it her whole life, and has always done her part, too. For a person coming from so little, Eva has a huge amount of pride, and definitely does not accept handouts. She has been taught to be independent, strong and hardworking, three things she takes very seriously. Which is kind of a feat really, because to know Eva is to know she takes hardly anything seriously at all.

It doesn’t matter how tired she is, or how overworked she may be, Eva is generally seen with a smile on her face. She’s always happy, always bubbly, and does genuinely have a heart of gold, although she’s by no means perfect. Recreational drugs are definitely a big factor in how Eva keeps her cool the way she does. It’s fair to say she’s a bit of a stereotypical hippie when it comes to that kind of lifestyle, in fact. She’s very free as far as love, too; she’ll give anyone a chance, and even a second one if she feels they deserve it, though she’s definitely not a pushover, and if someone really wrongs her or someone she cares about, it’s not something she’ll forget about, nor will she hesitate to call anybody out on their crap.

As far as romantic love, Eva has never been very lucky in it. It took her a long time to accept the fact that she had no attraction toward the opposite sex, mostly because she wasn’t sure how her mother and grandmother would take the news. Fortunately, it turned out they were both very supportive, though Eva lost what little relationship she had with her father in coming out, but that was never any kind of heartache for her; her dad has always been an absent figure in her life, anyway. Her mother and grandmother are to credit for raising her, not him, so their opinions are the ones that matter. Of course, being the loud, vibrant person she is, once she’d truly accepted herself for who she was, she began to really embrace it, and is now a very big, passionate voice for any and everything LGBTQ+ related.

Something that has always been there for Eva, that has always been a constant in her life, is music. She’s no singer herself, but she has a big interest in sound and the way it’s created, and is always up to speed with the current music scene. Her second constant is writing. Without a television in the Vega household when Eva was growing up, both reading and writing were definitely good pastimes, and Eva loved to get lost in her own imagination, filling notebook after notebook with her own, original creations. Naturally, a job where she could incorporate a little bit of both, music and writing, was right up her alley, and Eva worked her butt off at community college, with the end goal to go into music journalism.

Moving to New York after graduation was a big deal for her, not only because it was an expensive move, but because it meant leaving her family behind in Chicago. Though, her siblings were all a little older by that time, a little more self-sufficient, and thanks to the multiple part-time jobs she had worked over the years and all of the spare change she had accumulated, she was able to make it work, though only with the promise of a job at the other side. How Eva landed herself a position writing for Billboard Magazine, she’ll still never know. Then again, she has always been one of those people who can talk her way into getting what she wants, so maybe it shouldn’t have been too surprising, but still. Eva is grateful for the job she has been afforded every single day.

New York City was where Eva felt she could fully spread her wings. It was there that she fell further in love with the music scene, where she really got to make it on her own, and where she first experienced real, true love. Unfortunately, the situation wasn’t ideal, and the whole thing ended almost unfairly, but Eva definitely doesn’t regret it. The experience has, however, become a bit of a deterrent for her as far as romantic relationships go now; Eva is almost thirty, and while she won’t admit to it, she’s scared to let herself be vulnerable enough to actually share her life with someone else. She doesn’t feel she’s missing out, though, at least not for now.

For now, she has her thriving social life, her job, and her life in the big city to keep her occupied. Oh, and her notebooks, all brimming with original stories. Though, she doesn’t allow people to read them. For as confident as she may be, and as much as she doesn’t really care about other people’s opinions of her, she’s very guarded and private about the things she writes in her spare time. To be published some day would be amazing, but it’s almost like stage fright for her; she has the talent, she just can’t showcase it, so for now, her journalism quenches her thirst. She’s beginning to crave something more, though. Quietly, of course. And to herself – Eva Vega doesn’t like to put on anybody else, she never has. She’s the suffer in silence type; a true artist, if you will.

Pets: N/A. Relationships:

Riley Lynn — Roommate. Eva’s previous lease was up around the same time Riley was graduating and having to move out of the dorms. Eva put out an ad for a roommate, Riley saw it and answered it. They didn’t know each other super well before, it was more just a ‘right place, right time’ kind of deal, but it has worked out well for them.

Luciana Muñoz — Ex girlfriend. Eva and Luci met when Eva was dating Luci’s older sister, Alejandra. They dated for around six months, but when Eva and Luci begun to hit it off, Eva ended things with Alejandra. Eva and Luci then begun dating in secret, their relationship progressing pretty deeply. Because of Alejandra, though, neither ever dared to actually tell people about the two of them, so after over a year together, they decided to eventually call it quits. It ended pretty bitterly, mostly because neither really wanted it to be over, it just kind of had to be.

Hunter Clarington — Best friend. Hunter won’t admit to the fact that they’re best friends, but they totally are. They’ve known one another the whole time Eva has been in NYC, with Eva getting to be a bridesmaid at Hunter’s wedding. They’re complete opposites, and while Eva is very open with her affection, she understands that Hunter isn’t, but knows her well enough to know that she cares right back. They can definitely call each other out on their crap at this point without the other blowing up.

EXTRA INFO

[ This is for the masterlist, but also a fun little way to get to know your character! ]

Eva Vega/@evalasvega/description: I’m that big a deal, they feature my name in Billboard every single issue.

Five latest tweets:

@evalasvega: .@netflix I don’t know what the ending to that movie was but you can cancel my subscription. @evalasvega: .@netflix wait no don’t really cancel it, I would be so lost! @evalasvega: SOS there’s a literal other hamster coming out of one of my friend’s hamsters… This is either a real life Alien remake or I’m witnessing a labor. Someone send help. @evalasvega: Hamster update: IT HAD NINE. Mother and babies are all well. I need a joint. Midwifery is hard. @evalasvega: Finding $5 in my pants pocket and then realizing they’re not my pants is basically setting the tone for this whole week.

#accepted #acup: level up

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equalityforher · 7 years ago

Text

4:44: Jay Z's Kingdom Has Come, But Is He Ready To Sit On The Throne?

In the beginning, God created the Earth, Moon, stars, and the universe and... J-Hova. Twenty years later, there was a 47-year-old Jay Z, rapping in the confines of a dark studio confessional, laying prostrate before millions while admitting to years of wrongdoing from criminal activity to unscrupulous betrayal of those close to him. His first studio album in four years, 4:44 is a highly-anticipated, timely collection of modern “Hip-Hop Noir” reflections on the impact of his legendary career and iconic status as one of Hip-Hop’s preeminent cultural giants. This new album has energized Jay Z’s fan base, many of whom have long awaited an album worthy of his god-like moniker, J-Hova. While I wish this pseudo-apologia included a mea culpa for Magna Carter, Holy Grail, I’m willing to accept that it takes a lot for a man of his stature to hold lay bare his soul and hold himself accountable so publicly.

During my first listen of 4:44, I wondered about the album’s set up in the opening track, “Kill Jay Z”. The self-flagellating song presents itself as a eulogy for the American gangster persona he created and happily embodied for decades, while stacking millions of dollars. Maybe Mr. Carter no longer wishes to be so closely associated with the Jigga man, having grown into a husband, father, and more mature friend. I get it; we all change and look back with shaking heads at cringeworthy things we’ve done and said. He condemns himself and his behaviors largely within the context of the impact that persona may have on his daughter, Blue Ivy (with wife Beyonce), suggesting it took becoming a father to realize perhaps he wasn’t living his best life.

“But you gotta do better, boy, you owe it to Blue

You had no father, you had the armor

But you got a daughter, gotta get softer”

After listening to the album straight through several times, I realized that in this early confession, he offers explanations of the impact of his gifts and his curses, acknowledging his actions and behaviors in a way that disarms the listener. It’s a battle rapper tactic that a wise veteran would employ: lay out all of your demons and vulnerabilities first before anyone has the chance to eviscerate you by weaponizing your flaws and negative experiences.

I knew, then, that this would be an album that simply doesn’t give a fuck about much of anything anyone would have to say about it. Indeed, it does take on a pointed turn towards a “I am who I am and you are not me so I am going to do whatever I want and you will deal” tone one would expect of an aging husband and father who is more likely to yell “Get off my lawn!” than two-step on a boat to UGK bars.

I also realized that 4:44 is, for all intents and purposes, a summation of the life and times of Shawn Carter; it is an album in four parts. If this is the last solo album we get from Jay Z, and it may very well be, it sounds like he wants us to understand how full circle his life has come, what he’s learned from his experiences, and why it’s important to him to share what he’s learned with others who look up to him.

Act I: “14-Year Drug Dealer and Still Counting”

Shawn Carter sold drugs. Superfacts. The question now is whether or not we are justified in knocking his (and so many others’) hustle. It isn’t like Jigga would ever let you forget his roots, not with decades of storied rhymes that oscillate between exhibiting tremendous pride in said hustle and his ability to beat the odds stacked against kids like him in places like that to being somewhat embarrassed by and remorseful of his contribution to his own people’s destruction. It wouldn’t be anything remotely close to a classic Jay Z album without ruminations on his life as a drug dealer, except this time, there is more of a shadow on his recollections. Way less bravado and bragging, more outlining the blueprint that got him from points A to B in his 20+ years career.

“I'm the Gotham City heartbeat

I started in lobbies, now parley with Saudis”

“Marcy Me”, arguably the most nostalgic song, continues where In My Lifetime, Vol. 1’s “Where I’m From” left off--an ode to the Brooklyn housing project that made him strong, taught him valuable life lessons, and gave him his first opportunity to cash in on the drug game. Borrowing a few lyrics from fellow artists, as Jay Z is notorious for doing, he flows over a melodic tune that boasts his 800 street credit rating, in case you forgot Jigga is from Bed-Stuy!

In “Smile”, Hov reminds us that bad times turn into good memories and, with the help of a therapist, reconciles his tumultuous past with his prosperous present and future. He is clearer about his understanding of how the life he was born into, drug-infested, crime-riddled poverty, was intentionally designed and is systematically maintained. He teeters on the edge of placing full blame of his choices on societal impediments but he comes back and recognizes his own complicity and challenges others to do the same.

“Adnis”, a gutpunch that opens you wide as Jay Z shares what he’s been holding, buried deep inside. It is in this piece that the stage is set for us to reckon with the creation of “J-Hova”, a boy abandoned by his father, left to fill that void in whatever ways made sense to a poor Black boy. This is the space in which we find Shawn Carter, truly and finally, without the bells and whistles. Nostalgic. Reflective. Hopeful. Real.

Act II: “She Fell In Love With the Bad Guy, the Bad Guy”

The Beyhive has long known that Jay Z has cheated and mistreated his wife, Beyoncé, for years; she has several songs on several albums about the pain she’s been dealing with in the role of his life-partner. Her last album, Lemonade, was a collection of this pain with an ending that offered the promise of better days to come with forgiveness, love, and a commitment to make it work.

What I find the incredibly interesting about the title track,”4:44”, the apologetic ode to his far better half, is that it is in the present tense and suggests all isn’t well...yet. “I know in my heart, I’m letting you down every day” is how it opens. “I don’t deserve you” he laments, but doesn’t seem willing to let her go even after admitting how crappily he’s treated her. “I fall short of what I say I’m all about,” is a powerful admission for a selfish Sagitarrian, and I’m eagerly awaiting an outline of a plan for how he plans to be better and do better as a man, especially since so many young (and older) men are looking to him for guidance as a role model. “I’m never going to treat you like I should” is what he offers.

Wow. At least he’s honest. My hope is that the subtlety of this isn’t lost on those having epiphanies and suddenly feel compelled to drop off packages of diapers to their kindergarteners’ mamas.

Also interesting is how he seems more focused on looking bad to his daughter than anything else. “It took for my child to be born to see through a woman’s eyes” is entirely too reminiscent of the problematic “What if it was your daughter or wife?” approach to challenging men to be better about sexual harassment and assault. The song (and album, really) resonates like a Hard Knock Life by Shawn “Jigga” Carter, a bedtime story penned specifically for Blue Ivy and their newborn twins to hear when they grow up. “And if my children know...” and “My heart breaks for the day I have to explain...” are lines that suggest there is a strong embarrassment of being caught out there treating their mother so poorly, especially when their mother is the greatest entertainer of modern time.

Is it so wrong to want to hear an outright commitment to being a man who acts with integrity and honor towards his wife? We get a glimpse of that on “Many Faced God” which features James Blake, but it comes off like more begging and pleading instead of affirmation and strong commitment to moving forward with integrity.

“Baby, I get ya

Let's go through this thing, come out stronger, the golden journey

Broken is better than new, that's kintsukuroi

You're fine china

I'm a bull and ball in a china shop

I promise to repair with gold each bowl I drop

Be grateful for whatever comes”

I’m not sure I believe him. He needs fewer people, like the Becky he has to tell to leave him alone, when he should be saying “I’m leaving you alone Becky”. But it doesn’t matter if I believe him or not because he isn’t my husband and I respect Beyoncé enough to honor her right to make whatever choices she wants and needs to make for her family and her own happiness.

Act III: “All Black Everything, Nigga, You Know My Fresh Code”

Once upon a time, while Kanye West watched the throne from a far, far off distance, Jay Z happily declared how much he loves us Black folks. Black pride has seeped into his most recent works and occupies a more prominent position on 4:44. When one of our own stands up for us, knowing that doing so can risk one’s accumulation of coins, we experience a certain elation. As they say, representation matters.

Calling out Jimmy Iovine for his co-opting of Hip-Hop culture? Bold. Particularly when the block is still hot with tales of Iovine’s collaborative work with Dr. Dre, a genius west coast Hip-Hop producer who briefly dabbled in rapping. (I know that’s not Hip-Hop politically correct. Forget it.) Dame Dash and Lupe Fiasco called out Lyor Cohen a few years ago for similar reasons. And KRS-One did the same years ago, just to name a few. It’s important that icons like him expose the traps of the industry that too many succumbed to as we allowed the infiltration of Hip-Hop by rich White predators who sought to profit more than consume.

“The Story of OJ” is promising in its critique of those who believe the green color of money will erase their Blackness. He uses O.J. Simpson as a target, though it’s clear he is speaking about the tendency of Black folks to get rich and forget they’re still likely to face racism in any income bracket. Riding over the best use of a sample on the entire project, Nina Simone’s “Four Women”, his repetition of the word “nigga” picks up on the knowledge previously laid down by A Tribe Called Quest (“Sucka Nigga”) and Mos Def (“Mr. Nigga”). I appreciate his keeping the conversation going and hope others join in.

However, I take issue with some of Jay Z’s ideas for how Black people can reclaim power and “build intergenerational wealth”, especially to the tune of Donny Hathaway’s “Someday We’ll All Be Free” on “Legacy”. It’s admirable to want to leave a legacy for yourself and your descendants that is honorable and self-sustaining. I think because Black people have been shut out of accessing resources to build the kinds of legacies and empires that European colonizers have, we may erroneously cling to the idea that this money or “wealth” is the best way to go about securing our families’ futures. But does that free us, truly? Or do we become enslaved to a new master that will require us to continue giving so much of ourselves as offerings in order to sustain our new lifestyles?

I think we look at the superstars who started at the bottom and “made it” as inspiration for our own lives, but the truth is that the majority of people born into poverty won’t ever be “wealthy”. Forty-two percent of children born into the bottom fifth (household income/net worth) in America will remain there as adults and only 23% will elevate to the second lowest fifth. Overall, if someone lives in poverty for more than seven years, there’s only a 13% chance of exiting poverty. This is the reality that can’t be solved by preaching that poor folks should invest in Nike stock instead of buying Michael Jordan sneakers, as too many of today’s Black “financial literacy” gurus preach.

You know what’s better than money? The wealth of having love, friends, and family which, according to Jigga, is a lesson he missed out on.

Black capitalism is not freedom, no matter how you picture it, frame it, or flip it, and it continues to trouble me that Black folks insist that building material wealth should be the major goal for every Black family. It simply is not nor is the acquisition of material items to leave to one’s children a priority for everyone. Not everyone wants to own their own business. Not everyone believes money is the key to happiness. Not everyone wants to work days in and out striving towards a goal that statistically most of us will never achieve.

See above: Jay Z was a drug dealer who sold poison to his own Black people, the ones he boasts about having pride in now that he has cleansed his hands from the dirty work it took to get him where he is. Sure, he can give life advice about flipping a $1M painting into $2M, but to the listeners ignoring the past two decades of “I got all of this because I used drug money as start up capital”, I implore you to reconsider from whom you get your financial lessons.

And if we examine Jay Z’s approach to discussing Black women throughout his career, along with his boasting of accumulating wealth by dealing drugs to his community, one has to wonder when this new sense of Black pride developed. Shawn is only human, so of course he can be multi-faceted, but perhaps it comes from the same well from which modern pimps-turned-charlatans who profess “Afrikanness” and denounce White supremacy drink, while disregarding Black women, Black LGBTQ, and Black disabled people in their “freedom” fights?

Growth, though. Growth. What do we want him to do? He’s sorry!

*pours Ciroc*

Act IV: “I’m The Greatest MC, I’m The Greatest MC In The World”

Jay Z is anything but washed, yet he still felt the need to issue a challenge those who have claimed he is. Again, I get it; this braggadocious boasting and declaration of kingly status is what Hip-Hop is about. I’m left wondering to whom is he comparing himself because, if we’re being perfectly honest, *whispers* Jay Z has no real competition today. It’s like a cat toying with a mouse that just wants to go home and eat its stolen cheese in peace. He appears to want the best of both worlds, knowing he’ll go down as one of the greatest rappers to ever bless a mic while schooling these young cats, O.G. style, about personal honor, artistic integrity and cultural respect within the Hip-Hop community.

Calling out current rappers for being corny? Necessary. “Caught In Their Eyes”, a collaboration with existential bemoan-er of life, Frank Ocean, suggests that part of the problem with modern Hip-Hop is that people with little experience with the struggles that Hip-Hop was created to shine a light on are getting deals to make music that hurts the culture.

“Please don't talk about guns

That you ain't never gon' use

Y'all always tell on y'all self

I'm just so fuckin' confused”

He reminded us again, he did it all without a pen, alluding to his now-signature approaching to recording albums without writing the lyrics down. And it sounds like it, but not in a great way, unfortunately. One of my biggest critiques of this album is that Jay Z sounds bored, mostly, not unlike how he sounded on MCHG. The times when he seems connected and energized is when he is boasting about his prowess as an MC. Other than that? He seems to be producing content for reasons other than pure love of the culture and the art of rap. He’s not the first rapper to address the themes in the album (see: “Life Is Good” by Nas) and this isn’t the first album he’s produced that’s been darker or more introspective (see “Kingdom Come” and “The Black Album”). There isn’t anything groundbreaking on the album or remarkably different from what’s circulating around the internet and SiriusXM.

My other criticism is that the production by No I.D., a talented producer out of Chicago, is more often than not pedestrian. The sampling isn’t quite as simplistic as Diddy turning down vocals on his favorite old school songs and having his friends rap over them, but it isn’t nearly as good as those he clearly seems to be emulating: 9th Wonder and Pete Rock. And *looks around* Kanye West. I would have liked a bit more nuance throughout and the strongest songs are the ones in which Jigga is a co-producer.

****

It is solid production and Jay works well with it, but part of me wanted 4:44 to pack a stronger punch. I accept, however, that it was created exactly as it needed to be. It’s adult contemporary Hip-Hop, putting him in excellent company with A Tribe Called Quest and De La Soul who, in the last year, dropped “older”, critically-acclaimed Hip-Hop albums. I like where this is going and I’m sure my peers born before 1982 will also appreciate the growth and maturation of our beloved culture. Our fears of Hip-Hop dying by way of predatory infiltration and loss of integrity have been staved off, if only temporarily, by artists like these who continue to serve up guidance and offer the next generation the most important Hip-Hop history: themselves.

“Hovi's home, all these phonies come to a halt

All this old talk left me confused

You'd rather be old rich me or new you?”

Listen to 4:44 as art produced by a man who still has a lot of growing to do. Don’t we all? And accept that we may not experience, at least artistically, the full bloom of his manhood. And, I think we can appreciate the fact that, in Trump’s America, we got another solid Jay Z album and it’s making people slow down, pause, and think about their next moves.

#Feminista Jones #4:44 #Jay Z #Lemonade #Beyonce #A Tribe Called Quest #De La Soul #Nas #Kanye West #Hip-Hop #FJ #@FeministaJones

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akedocitydespair · 7 years ago

Text

AI Protocol | ATTN: Hoshi

There was some type of fear in Masae’s eyes as she forced herself to look directly at Hoshi. She raised her hands, and signed as slowly as she could. She knew he could understand the pain behind her words as she laid her thoughts out.

☞ Hoshi-san…. are you… really going to go?

A pause. Masae eyes squinted slightly, a pained look flashing past her features for a moment as she put her mouth in a straight line- the same type of face Hoshi would make, all those times he tried so hard to hide his thoughts and feelings from her.

☞ Are you really… you’re going to… leave me... again...?

She shook her head. Tears were starting to form in her eyes. Her hands were getting shakier but she had more to say.

☞ Hoshi-san… there’s nothing there for you outside. You and I both know that. I can’t see my family anymore… it isn’t fair. It isn’t fair... that you’re going to leave me here all alone... when you have nowhere to go anyway! That’s…. That’s just not fair!!! You didn't… you didn't even want to listen to my last words, in my letter, you wanted to give up… I saw you, I saw you, Hoshi-san, at the fountain, how dare you forget about me so easily… and just throw my words out because you were too… l-lazy to try anymore….

Masae blinked, a few tears quickly rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t even try to wipe them away.

☞ You said you could get us all out! You said you were trying!! And all you did instead was let me get killed and you got hurt in the process! You didn't do anything for me then! Why, Hoshi-san?? That was what you asked when you found out Terauchi-san did it, right?? Well why didn't you save me? Why couldn't you help me? Don't you remember?? Don't you remember th-that… I didn't want to die… Why did I die?

She was getting so angry that she ended up pushing out more tears. Her breathing was heavy, and her glare was dead-set on her friend. Masae moved her hand close to her face for a second, but opted out of wiping away her tears. She needed to make him see how hurt she was by his selfishness.

☞ I don’t want you… to be alone out there. I’m your last friend… you're my last best friend that I can be with… I miss everyone so much… it'll be so so lonely here… you know what loneliness is like better than anyone... please don't do that to me. Don't leave me alone…

A few breaths. She needed to stay calm. Otherwise, he wouldn't understand exactly how hurt she was. How desperate she was to get him to stay.

☞ if you stay here, we can keep being friends… if you leave… you’ll only forget about me… I can’t… I c-can’t…

Her hands trembled as she tried to get the words out that no one else could understand. She was fully crying now, her throat becoming dry and face red with embarrassment. Turning away to hide her face behind her bandaged arm, she tried to wipe away the tears and finish her pleas. When she turned back towards him, she stepped forward, her eyes brimming with tears and so much hope lost in her face. The same look she’d give him when she asked him to let everything out, to tell her what was wrong, to talk to her, to trust her…

☞ I can’t be forgotten… I’m so scared, Hoshi-san… I can’t be here alone… I don’t want to be alone, Hoshi-san… please stay… please stay… I am here. I want… you to be here too…

She tried to clear her throat as she stared at him, tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to wipe them dry with the back of her hands. She then paused, reached out her arms a bit towards him, as if she was about to hug him. But it was almost as if she felt she wasn’t allowed to. Balling her hands into broken fists, they fell to her sides, defeated, tired. Masae cleared her throat and looked him dead in the eyes again. Her voice was coarse and quiet, but it was clear that her message was genuine.

“P-Please stay…”

...

“You wanted to die before you got here crab-san. You would hurt yourself before anyone else got hurt. But I died instead huh? You don’t owe me anything. But I’d trade places in a minute if it means I got to stay here. You're ungrateful for surviving this long…I don’t get the choice anymore. So you should at least make the right one and stay.”

...

Ryohei reached out to Hoshi, a brilliant smile on his face, looking as confident as ever as he held his hands out, palms up.

“Hoshi-san! Masae-san and I miss you so much! Won’t you stay and have tea with us? I promise I won’t spill any on your sketchbook! We can get started on that game! I have lots of ideas, and I need you to draw the concepts!”

He sniffled, wiping his tears with the heel of his palm, although his grin remained, gazing pleadingly at Hoshi.

“A-And-! If you go I-I’ll miss you! We all will! Me and Masae-san and Milky-chan and Gorou-san-!! So stay! Please!”

...

The image of Miliko flickered on the screen, her blank expression ever present. She placed her hand against the screen, giving a wan smile. "Hey... Hoshi! Are you really gonna leave...?" She seemed crestfallen. "I just figured that you'd... Want to stay. I'm not really useful anymore without a body, but I can still talk to you!"

She puffed up a little, giving a smile with a pinch of confidence. "I-It'll be stickbug and bear cub! We can talk about coffee and soda and stuff...?" Her voice wavering, the barista sunk to her knees. Tears began to stream down her cheeks.

"Hoshi... Please don't leave me alone... Have I made you mad somehow? D-Do... Do you hate me...?"

...

“Long time, no see, Think-tank-chan~.”

The honeyed tone rang cold as the echo carried it through to the artist. Sweet off the tongue, the words pang as they bounced off hollow steel plating. Words that were once welcoming.

With the quiet steps of flats approaching, the noise echoed from all directions, clouded by the speakers overhead the the reverb of the steel. The unsettling approach of someone that did not make noise when walking; theatrics for a very special someone deserving of such a show.

Materializing as if just stepping into view, the glimmering figure of the technician smirked as he came face to face with the final member of his class. Crimson eyes, slanted as they looked Hoshi up and down in contemplation; silence following action a quiet reminder of the deceptive interactions of the technician.

with a static chuckle and a widening grin, Ikumoto brought a hand to his chin as he looked upon the other with rehearsed amusement. The mild chuckles fell to scoffs behind closed lips as the technician found words. Slowly at first, riddled with static, until they picked up at a pace as honeyed as the real Ikumoto.

“Bravo, Murukami-chan. You’ve improved, in all aspects of the word. It’s a shame though that it cost me my life for you to reach your potential. I’m really proud of how far you’ve come~.”

Arms now behind his back, the technician circled around Hoshi in steps, dancing around the artist as his words twitched between soured praise and regretful belittling, it was indistinguishable with whatever intentions they held.

“Seeing you up there, fighting for everyone and striving to move forward even despite wanting to give up… Todoroki-san would be praising you on your diligence. You reminded me, Hoshi, why you’re my hero~. Noble to the end, finally accomplishing our goals, our *dreams*, and now the sole proprietor of our grandiose city. Hmhm, does it feel good~? To finally get all the credit, now?”

With a pause in his chuckle, the technician hopped before Hoshi, simulating a boop on the artist’s nose. With a wide smirk and squinted eyes, the technician held an expression swaying between playful amusement in the situation and seething resentment.

“Of course, you *are* the last survivor of our class now, after all, making you responsible for the transgressions under here. Oh, of course, you designed the city as well, Hoshi~. Just think; what marvelous events may your creations be responsible for next? The next renaissance, I pressume.”

“If you really don’t want to design another encampment that will eventually be utilized In another atrocity, you don’t have to. What was that thing you said earlier, again~? ‘You couldn’t die until this ended’ or something? Well, what’re you gonna do now? It’s over, and your reason for staying alive is finished. Think designing an even greater atrocity is in your repertoire?”

Closing the distance between them, the technician stood on his toes. The generated breathes of the boy hummed against Hoshi’s ear, and the words softly trickled. Ikumoto’s whispers caressed the artist, comforting in their familiarity and sharp in their meanings.

“…hey, did I ever mean anything to you? Or did were you able to get over it by running away, like you always do? Like you’re doing now, abandoning us…”

with the silent forms lingering In the background, the slow materializations of more and more students came into view. Stares; some hollow, some burdensome, and some drooped with remorse for the artist, all came to face Hoshi. The sins of his transgressions watched on as the last survivor of the 81st planned his final betrayal.

“Hey, hey, Hoshi, it’s alright, it’s okay~.”

A gentle arm extending from the wavering body of the artist, ready to crumple, a response so modestly unwarranted cut through the heavy mood that seemed to weigh down on Hoshi.

Stepping again before the artist, a warmer expression painted the technicians face. Softened, deep red gazed upon Hoshi, a sympathetic smirk, as crooked and sincere as one could ever find in a friend, greeted the artist. A sight familiar, perhaps now only to Hoshi, stood awkward and unconfident, shushing the artist back into submission with soft words and even softer mannerisms.

“No, no, it’s fine, Hoshi, please~, it’s alright now. You don’t have to keep going for anyone’s sake.”

Knitted brows and a wistful smile accompanied Ikumoto’s sigh, drawn out and exasperated as a playful gesture. Choked chuckles between a snort and a grin layered themselves throughout the technician’s silver tongue.

“Look at you now, Murukami-san, look how strong you’ve become, for everyone’s sake~. I’m glad… that I got to be friends with someone like you. You’ve really done some impossibly wonderful things, but now… it’s okay now. I remember, how tired you felt back then, and even now, everyone makes you keep going. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you then, I really am. And you still feel you need to keep going, to keep struggling, and it’s okay…”

With another choked chuckle, artifacts of a strain sung in the melodies of Ikumoto’s peaceful reassurance.

“It’s okay, Hoshi, you can rest now. You’ve done everything asked of you, striving past everyone’s expectations. You’ve succeeded, Hoshi. You don’t have to worry about anything else anymore…”

Inching closer to the artist, the technician reached out for the artist’s hand. With gentle hesitation, Ikumoto stopped, hovering his fingers just over his friends, before quietly clasping them to his chest.

“I’ll be here for you now, Hoshi, I promise~. You'll always be enough for me, no matter what. Just this once, please, don’t run from me…”

#Endgame #Hoshi #Ikumoto #Masae #Gorou #Ryohei #Miliko #Suicide Baiting //

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nothingman · 8 years ago

Link

For years, Reddit’s r/TheRedPill forum has been one of the worst corners of the internet. It’s the home of the pickup artist movement, it gave Milo Yiannapolis a fawning fanbase, and it’s the hub of the perceived “manosphere”–a community built around the “men’s rights” philosophy that feminism is a sham built to oppress men.

Reddit is deliberately designed to protect anonymity. But that doesn’t mean users don’t also have to work to protect themselves–something that someone probably should have told Robert Fisher of New Hampshire, who has just been outed by The Daily Beast, via a trail of usernames and custom URLs with ties to Fisher’s email address, as the creator of the misogynistic forum.

Fisher, by the way, also happens to be a member of the New Hampshire House of Representatives, not that the connection is very surprising. If I had to name the two communities most vocal in their loathing of women, I’d probably go with Red Pill dudes and the GOP.

In addition to Red Pill, Fisher’s reported aliases had also written and published a pickup artist site, a blog attempting to “Explain God,” and one site titled “Existential Vortex.” He also was or maybe still is a singer-songwriter and kazooist in an “indieelectronic” band. Basically, he sounds like exactly the sort of bro-ish college kid, straight off a few frat party rejections and his first philosophy class, whom you would expect to found a misogynistic Reddit forum with a name referencing The Matrix. (Except Fisher had, at the time of Red Pill’s creation, aged out of the follies of youth excuse. He’s 31 now.)

Fisher’s reported “Pk_atheist” alias started the subreddit in October 2012, just before he lost his first election—one he ran as a Democrat. He won his seat in November of 2014, by which time the subreddit had grown to 83,000 members. He had already stepped down as a moderator in early 2013, but continued to be active in the community.

The Daily Beast writes that “within hours of contacting Rep. Fisher, and after delivering by email a summary of his apparent connections to The Red Pill kingpin, his two primary Reddit usernames had been wiped, and four blogs connected to him were deleted or made private.”

[Update: His own colleagues, on both sides of the aisle, are already calling for his resignation. Fisher responded with a statement asserting he is “not disappearing,” adding, “I will continue to stand strong for men’s rights and the rights of all.”]

But the internet doesn’t let you hide from your awfulness that easily. Through archived posts and comment threads, we have way too clear a window into this man’s mind and his motivations for starting this giant sexism feeding ground. Here are just a few direct quotes.

Content warning for, well, for everything Red Pill is about. (Misogyny and rape denial abound.)

–If you want the short version of his views on women: “I find women’s personalities in general to be lackluster and boring, serving little purpose in my day to day life. So I usually only compare body types.”

–“Because when I told myself I thought they were smart, I really had the footnote in the back of my head … smart … for a woman.”

–“I don’t hate women. I just understand what use they are to me. Stimulating conversation is not one of them.”

–“Understand that in the old days, women were not brought up the way they are today. Before feminism, there was less freedom, and therefore it was not necessary to teach women consequence. Consequence was strictly a man’s game.”

–“Women are not oppressed- they’re literally free from a lot of the responsibilities men are- to the extent where women have no need for the functioning every-day knowledge that most men have by the age of 18 … If you took the conversation skills, the sub-par intelligence, the lack of curiosity and put it in a man’s body- would you hang out with that guy? No! Would he be successful? Hell no! Those things are useless without a woman’s body attached.”

–In a post with “seduction” advice, he proposes “There’s a good girl voice inside each woman telling her that she needs to make sure to be proper and avoid being a slut.” He follows up with a lot of tips on how to invade the “good girl’s” personal space and trick her into letting out the “slut.”

–In response to a question about the Free the Nipple movement: “Hot women are a cartel, and they will continue to keep prices as high as possible. Anybody “freeing” their nipples will either be low-quality, or they will have a smear campaign against them to make them seem low-quality, despite the equality implications supposedly working for the cartel.”

–He defended being sexually attracted to teenage girls. “15 year old girls have boobs. Puberty doesnt strike at 18 overnight. Secondly, not creepy- 15 year old girls and guys are commonly sexually active. Its just illegal.”

–In one of his many comments alleging women frequently falsely accuse men of rape, he says he has a video camera in his room, presumably to record his exploits for proof of innocence.

It’s bad enough that someone could hold all of these beliefs, let alone feel confident to enough to put them out in public (even if anonymously so). Add to that the fact that there are, as of now, nearly 200,000 subscribers to the subreddit.

But nothing is scarier than knowing that this is what at least some (and some is too many) of the men who make our country’s laws think about women. And if you think Fisher’s purported Reddit persona is all talk, it’s not. It’s clear that his misogyny infects his platform.

Taking a quick look at Fisher’s terrible, stock-photo-filled campaign website, you can see the threads. In the site’s “Family” section (complete with a stock picture of what I assume is a random family of strangers, so you know he really cares), he says he wants to “strengthen the family.” But all that seems to mean to him is something about the family court legal system. He writes, “It is long over-due to bring oversight and accountability to our family courts. Every parent deserves justice in our courts regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, or orientation.”

This obsession with family courts looks to date back to 2012, when his colleague and fellow men’s rights activist Joshua Youssef began publicly decrying the “feminist judicial tyranny” over a custody battle with his ex-wife. A reddit username the Daily Beast attributes to Youssef posted a lengthy rant about the “corruption, deception, greed, lawlessness, and feminist entitlement-mindedness, of the family court” to /theredpill, with Fisher in the comments defending him.

Remember that comment about “low quality” women exposing their nipples? Another one of New Hampshire’s Reps, Al Baldasaro, insulted the physical appearance of a female legislator who was fighting a bill, written by an all-male team, which would have outlawed breastfeeding in public.

Just four days after the 2014 election that put him in the New Hampshire House of Representatives, with only 100 subscribers, Pk_atheist wrote a manifesto of sorts, explaining the point of the, as of then, two-week-old forum.

“Our culture has become a feminist culture,” he wrote. “A president cannot be elected today without succumbing to the feminist narrative and paying them tribute. How many times has Obama given credit for his manhood to his wife? How many times has the debate hinged on women’s pay gap – which is a myth that gets lip service because if you don’t you’re a misogynist!”

Yet he maintained, “It’s too easy to blame feminism for our troubles.” He’s all for equal rights, he says, although he takes care to specify, “Equal rights are something I strongly am in support of. For men and women.” As opposed to unequal equality, I suppose.

His big message is that feminism has led not to equal rights, but to female domination. Women, as he puts it, control the conversation. “I am here to say, for better or for worse, the frame around public discourse is a feminist frame, and we’ve lost our identity because of it.”

Therefore men, he proclaims, need to take back this role of central dominance from women. The Red Pill is “men’s sexual strategy,” designed to counter feminism, which is, apparently, nothing more than a sexual strategy itself.

This, through the Daily Beast’s sleuthing, appears to be Robert Fisher’s worldview. This is a man who gave a space to hundreds of thousands of others looking to blame and conquer women, while simultaneously being elected into public office, where he has the ability to affect real policy.

Here’s the kicker, and keep this in mind the next time you think your vote doesn’t matter: In Fisher’s small New Hampshire district, he won his re-election by only 700 votes. He won his first election in 2014 by 276 votes. Squashing the internet’s rampant misogyny is a challenge too big for any one of us, but if you’re eligible to vote, you can do your part to keep immature, idiotic monsters like this one out of office.

(via Daily Beast, image: Shutterstock)

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—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—

via The Mary Sue

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corellian-smuggler · 8 years ago

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I watched Bright Lights shortly after Carrie’s passing (which really was a terrible idea because I was not at all emotionally ready for it) and something that struck me was that more than once she alluded to this idea that fans love LEIA but not necessarily Carrie.

What I’ve been struggling with though is how to explain my conception of the character. Because to me, Leia and Carrie are the same. That’s not to say that I project Leia onto Carrie, because I know she was her own person, and that Leia is not simply Carrie Fisher as a human sent into space. What I mean is that Leia is impossible without Carrie. I’m sure many people would disagree. After all, as I was very anxiously told by a Hollywood Studios employee during my Disney World vacation, “LEIA isn’t dead. Disney really wants us to make that clear. Carrie was the actress but nothing’s happened to Leia.”

I had to work very hard during that conversation not to scowl at the poor girl, who was very clearly parroting sentences she’d been instructed to say if the subject of Carrie’s death were to come up in the store. And while I know that *narratively* Leia is still alive (in the new canon movies that I don’t recognize as Star Wars anyways), I was stunned by the sentiment. Carrie was the actress, but nothing’s happened to Leia. Wrong. Untrue. Cruel and callous words spoken by someone who just didn’t understand, because Carrie Fisher was and IS Leia.

To me it comes down to a few factors. The first is that unlike franchises like Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings where the characters existed and were loved by readers long before being adapted to the screen and embodied by actors, the same cannot be said for Star Wars. When we look at Princess Leia, Carrie’s face is the only face there has ever been. Carrie’s mannerisms are source material for the character. Carrie’s voice and Carrie’s expressions and Carrie’s everything else. We do not watch Star Wars and feel that we are seeing an actress’s portrayal of Princess Leia. We simply see Princess Leia, because it was Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia that we all fell in love with. Can anyone conceive of a Leia that is not Carrie Fisher? When reading the novels, does anyone picture anything that’s not Carrie Fisher’s Princess Leia? I certainly can’t. Half the time I can’t even properly engage in a Star Wars comic book if the artist’s rendition of Leia doesn’t look enough like Carrie Fisher. It feels like an imposter Leia, not the REAL Leia. Much like the overwhelmingly negative responses to the young Han Solo movie borne of the viciously stubborn and ferociously loyal opinions that only Harrison Ford could ever portray Han, only Carrie Fisher could ever be Princess Leia.

And it’s not just that. It’s not just that Carrie was how we were introduced to Leia and that as a result we had no concept of Leia before or without Carrie. It’s not even just that Carrie deserves a good deal of the credit for our love of the character because it was her acting that brought her to life, her work that we have all come to love. It’s more than that because you can tell that so much of Leia IS Carrie. So much of the nerve, of the bold resistance, of the snark and sass, of the sharp wit, of the caring and vulnerability--so much of what makes Leia LEIA is because of who Carrie Fisher is, of drawing on her own experiences, her own feelings, her own instincts. So much of what we see on screen isn’t just an actress stepping into the shoes of a character and becoming the character, because it’s obvious by reading her writing and listening to her speak and understanding her humor and knowing what was going on behind the scenes during filming that Carrie brought so much of herself into Leia. So much so that any other actress in the role would have reaped a completely different result, unrecognizable from the Leia we know and love.

That’s why I was flabbergasted during that Disney World interaction, so surprised and affronted and of half a mind to march over to some Disney executive and explain that there is no Leia without Carrie.

So when Carrie said that fans love Leia and she herself was just the closest they could get, it made me unspeakably sad, because it’s not that we loved someone else’s creation that she had just happened to give a face to. We love Leia as Carrie made her to be. We love Carrie’s work and Carrie’s spirit and the life that she gave to Leia. We love Princess Leia the character who is embodied by Carrie Fisher. Period.

I was so saddened to think that Carrie might not have known that. We love Leia, but we also love Carrie for being Leia, for giving us Leia, for embodying Leia as only she could have. For becoming Leia.

And not just that, either! Because we love Princess Leia, but we love Carrie, too! As an aspiring writer myself, I can’t even begin to express how affected I have been by Carrie’s books. She did things with words that shocked me. Her writing was so clever, her humor so brilliant, and her voice in it so apparent that I can recall quite clearly reading Shockaholic and being 1. surprised that she was so good and affronted on her behalf that no one seemed to ever talk about how skilled an author she was 2. delighted to read something so engaging and 3. rather put-out, because I’d always thought I had some decent talent and reading her work I knew that I wasn’t at all of her calibre. And I mean that sincerely, because her writing is not just witty and entertaining. It’s so honest that it’s startling, and it’s so powerful in its honesty and so genuine in its humanity that you really can’t help but to ache. The compassion and empathy her writing evokes is unlike any other writing I’ve ever read. It’s impossible to read her books and not hurt with her, root for her, laugh with her, feel with her. Her writing inspired me. Her talent is commendable. Her honesty is humbling. Her humor is undeniably hilarious, and yet also sometimes heartbreakingly sad.

So I love Carrie for being Princess Leia and I love Leia because of what Carrie made of her. I thoroughly enjoy and am inspired by Carrie’s writing. Maybe because I loved and admired Leia all through my childhood and maybe because I share Carrie’s love of words and language and because I was inspired by her writing, or maybe because so much of her experiences strikes so close to home in me--a young woman with a dysfunctional family and daddy issues and body dysphoria and depression and anxiety and the impression that my life experience is so different from everyone else’s--that other people just don’t seem to feel things like I do--I finished her novels feeling that she was a kindred spirit. I could relate to her. I became very protective of her. I was absolutely devastated when she died.

So many people have commended her for speaking so bravely and truthfully about drug addiction and mental illness, and certainly she should be celebrated for the work she did speaking out about the stigmas surrounding those issues. So many people have celebrated her take-no-shit attitude, her advocation of feminist ideas, her political stances and refusal to keep quiet about the many injustices in our country. I could go on and on about how I admired her for all of that, and how much her bravery meant to me, and how refreshing she was in her individuality. I could talk for days about all the ways she inspired me.

But what I keep coming back to is what she said in Bright Lights and how sad she seemed. Carrie loved Princess Leia. We know that she did and that she didn’t begrudge us for loving Leia, too. But I’ve just been so haunted these months since her death. I hope Carrie knew that it wasn’t just Leia that we loved. Not just Leia who inspired us. I hope she knew that we were inspired by her. I hope she knew that her tenacity, and her honesty, and her refusal to sit down and shut up and be complacent, her intelligence and talent, her acting and her writing and her humanity all made a difference. It made a difference to me, at least. And not only her strength, but her weaknesses, too. Her struggles and her hardships affected me profoundly because I have struggled, too. Yes, I love Leia. Princess Leia is without a doubt the greatest fictional love of my life, the character that no character could ever replace in my heart. But I loved Carrie, too, and I looked up to her in a way that I cannot ever remember looking up to anyone in my young life. Leia is Carrie and Carrie is Leia, and there’s no question about it. I hope that Carrie knew that we knew it. I hope she knew we recognized that she was more than just her custodian. I hope being Leia wasn’t an awful burden to her, and that she knows how much credit she deserved for Princess Leia.

Mostly though I hope that wherever she is, she isn’t sad anymore. I hope she’s aware of the effect she’s had on us all, through Leia and through everything else. I hope she finally feels like she’s gotten to the end of her personality, and is finally lying in the sun.

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aarondav1s · 8 years ago

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My Biggest Inspirations

Everyone makes things. Even if it’s unintentional, we are all content creators in our own regard and we all contribute to the ever-changing pool of media that drives our culture in so many different directions all at once. It’s nearly impossible to be 100% original in everything that we do anymore, what with so many different streams of influence constantly bombarding us through our devices, and competing for our attention. It takes some true visionaries to revolutionize the world of content that is being generated, rather than taking what has already been done and adding a personal touch to it, like most of us do. We see something, we like it, we do our best to replicate it or take some inspiration from it, and then we repackage it with our own spin and call it our own. This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s an incredible way to learn how to get better at whatever your chosen form of content creation is - but it isn’t necessarily original, and I wanted to bring some attention to that. I’m not trying to preach here either - I’m SO guilty of reproducing ideas with my own spin on them that it’s not even funny. But taking the time to think outside the box and consider options when creating something new is a good habit to get in the practice of, and something that I want to focus on more moving forward.

That being said, I want to talk a little bit today about the people who inspire me to do what I do the most and give some credit where it is due. I’ve been following a lot of these people on various platforms for years, and their work is truly incredible - it’s what drives me to get out of bed each day and continue doing what I love.

1: Alex Strohl - @alexstrohl

Alex has been one of my favorites for years. I found him when I first got instagram, and have been following along with his story since. He’s an incredibly talented photographer who got into the business at the perfect time, and hit the “boom” of instagram just right. He’s been my biggest inspiration in shooting landscapes, and his use of color is incredible. The only thing I wish he did differently was just share MORE. I want to see what he’s doing behind the scenes, I want to see videos and tutorials from him, I want to learn more about where he’s going and what he’s doing. But I guess the mystery behind it all is also sort of enticing - so I really can’t complain.

2: Andrew Kearns - @andrewtkearns

Andrew is another photographer that I’ve been following for a long time, but only really recently started to pay attention to his story. He’s from Washington, just north of where I live in Oregon, and his photos showcase the beauty of the Pacific Northwest very well. One of my favorite things about Andrew is how open he is about everything that he’s doing - he posts near-daily vlogs about his adventures, and you really feel like you get to know the guy after watching them. I have never met him in real life, even though we have a bunch of mutual friends within the photography community, but I feel like he’s already a close friend (as weird as that sounds.) He’s just a talented dude, as you can see from his photos, and his willingness to share his knowledge and experiences with his audience is a huge plus. I’ve learned so much from him in the past few months of really following his story, and hope to someday get to pick his brain in person.

3: Jared Chambers - @jaredchambers

Jared is a more recent inspiration to me, someone who I found a couple years ago but never really took the time to look through his work and analyze it. I’ve got mad respect for his talent in composing images - they’re beautifully shot and edited, and he truly has an eye for photography and design. I used to worry so much about capturing as much of a scene as possible in every picture I took, but after sitting down and really thinking about each and every one of these photos, I began to see the beauty in limiting the viewer to seeing only what you want them to pay attention to, which he has a natural knack for. As I grow and develop as an artist, I want to embrace this style more. As much as I love wide, sweeping landscapes and tiny people in big, beautiful scenery, there is much to be said about focusing on the details of a scene, something that I need to practice more. His use of light and color is also fantastic, and something that I appreciate a hell of a lot.

4: Vuhlandes - @vuhlandes

This is a strange one, because we shoot such different stuff. But I absolutely love this guy’s perspectives and compositions, and I have great appreciation for all of the subject matter he captures. If I were to do more portraits and urban shots, I would totally rip everything from this guy. He’s got mad talent, and is unabashedly himself on all platforms - something I think we could all strive for.

These are the guys I’ve been feeding off of lately. I don’t want to do exactly what they do, because I’m me and they’re them and we are all living different lives in different places with different people and experiences. But there are specific practices that they put into play that I think are all worth learning from, and I’m doing my best to absorb as much information as I can from their work. These guys are established photographers - they’ve made it, at least in my eyes, and that’s something that I’m working every day to do as well. It’s good to have role models, mentors, or whatever you want to think of them as, no matter what you’re doing, especially when you’re just starting out and getting established. As my style changes and the subject matter that I’m shooting grows and shifts, I want to have pulled as much inspiration from as many different artists as I can, so that I have the most information possible at my disposal prior to even clicking the shutter button. It’s not always about knowing camera settings for specific shots, or having the best gear or anything - a lot of my favorite shots by these guys are from iPhones - but it’s the thought processes that go into the shot and how it’s composed that I’m trying to learn from.

Alright sorry for the rambling post here. If you’ve made it this far, you rock. I basically just wanted to talk about who I’ve been really appreciating lately, who I look up to, and why. I think it informs a lot of decisions I make each day, and is a huge reason for why I’m spending so much time on this blog in the first place. If you have a minute to check each of these guys out, please do - they deserve it. And you won’t be disappointed by their work, their stories or their character.

#blog #aarondav1s #inspiration

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underbananamoon · 6 years ago

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It’s still Women’s History Month (I write this on the last day of March) although every day is a good day to remember women. I think of my mother, a gentle laughing spirit and her mother, a fragile sprite of a woman with a mischievous aura about her. I think of my birth mother too, who I met a few times before she passed and found out later she loved to tell stories about faeries and little people. My biological grandma who I met twice, an artist who grabbed my cheeks gently, the first time we met and said “I love you already.” I think of Starr, who has had to face way too much havoc and to whom I send love healing intention every day- she deserves happiness. I am often drawn to autobiographical accounts of women in particular although my fave author Augusten Burroughs has a new book due out and I am very happy to have that on pre-order. Some interesting women’s stories (artists, writers, leaders…) a few that stay with me, of the very many I’ve read:

Her beau: the well-known-died-too-young-Jackson Pollock gets the attention but Lee is fascinating!

It stays with you. As tragedy and remembrance does.

While books like this are rarely “juicy,” and words are carefully chosen, it is a fabulous insight into what shaped and directed the Obama trajectory.

What can I say? I just didn’t know autism is a broad spectrum. I didn’t know stereotypes I’d been fed were largely untrue. I was always picking up memoir in my 30s, as I still do, in an attempt to know how people tick, so to speak, to get a grasp on my own different brain. I saw the title Nobody Nowhere on a Caldor store shelf and I thought, “Sounds interesting. I don’t have autism, I mean I don’t bang my head all day…but it should be an interesting read.” This is the first book I read from an autistic POV. Page one, I said, “So that’s what I’ve got.” Epiphany. The rest is history. Errr….. herstory.

Speaking of herstory, I’m going to recommend my own book to you and while I can’t say I am a leader or a mover-shaker, I can say that it is from the heart and that the late author of Nobody Nowhere became a sister at heart friend and wrote my forward free of charge, because she offered and I was honored. Every single human being has a story. I have a mountain of books at my bedside that I step around when I rise in the morning, to prove that. And for a long time I didn’t think I even had a voice. While my voice and what I have to say is unconventional, I do have one and this little book I wrote proves that:

Oh, someone give me a kick in the writer-ass to get going on my next book! Art is something I am immersed in however. I’m planning a series of women-inspired paintings/collages of women (real, bumpy, curvy, diverse, empowered) and as such, I was looking at the extraordinary work of Goya’s women and witches, of which I’m sharing a little here…

Awestruck by olden images/sketches of woman, I had a specific search engine that brought up image drawings. I entered the search words “Old Woman” so I could inspire my own art creations with images that came up in the search results. Here’s what happened:

Bags! Bags came up when I searched old women? A derogatory outdated term for women? Interesting, because that’s the opposite of empowerment isn’t it? LOL as they say.

So, Women’s History Month has Marched by and the next theme-designated-month is….drumroll….Autism Awareness! It’s a month many dread. Fact is, we are all going to see news, TV, docu-features, articles, etc. and community happenings and all manner of things in April related to what many of us live with EVERY day of the year. Walks. Stunts. Blue lights.

I’ve read that blue was chosen for Autism Awareness Month because autism supposedly disproportionately affects males (…actually girls hide it better and fall under the radar, so is that really true?…) and we all know blue is the assigned color for males… Really though? In a 1918 Ladies Home Journal article, the following was said: “The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.” Hmmm I’m digressing. That in itself is disempowering in itself. Girls: dainty. Boys: Strong. It’s like that old Betty White quote I adore.

But I digress. While some feel that designating a month for autism awareness is a great soapbox from which to express autism related topics, others absolutely despise it and are triggered by it. Autism is no “walk in the park” for those affected, says Kim Stagliano, Washington Post.

According to the Autism Society, the initiative was created “to promote autism awareness, inclusion and self-determination for all, and assure that each person with [Autism Spectrum Disorder] is provided the opportunity to achieve the highest possible quality of life.”

On that note, here is what I’ve been up to…in part, as an instrinsically actually autistic woman: Truth is, I’m up to a lot.

Wednesday Al and I went to Manhattan with my son Silas and gf Kat to be filmed for our part in the anthology docu-film Desire, which Keri Bowers is directing on a shoestring. I destroyed a cuticle or two along the way. My nerves. They sing too loudly.

My now-son Silas had top surgery and used to be my daughter Kerry Annie and if you’ve read my book you recall a little girl who loved classical music, daredevil activities, kitties and motorcycles…. Now I have three sons. Silas and Kat bravely talk about their love story, in this film. I’m proud to be a small part of a big thing. Maybe it was easier to talk about other people’s sexuality than my own?

When we arrived (early) at the highrise where filming was taking place I saw these marvelous doors.

Al and I took a seat in the library room to wait our turn, as filming was running late. Al can get curmudgeonly when things go unexpectedly and while I am not happy with unexpected change, I often try to take the stance that it’s an adventure after all and meant this way. Al did hold it together patiently, to his credit! Our unruly dog has taught him patience!

So, waiting in the library for our turn, Al settled in to an iPhone game and I picked up Neurotribes and skimmed through for an hour. Someone had put a Post-it note inside. Steve’s book reminds me of me when I was “shiny” which is my term for newly diagnosed, and in that awestruck and happy period of newly-diagnosed-revelation. At least that was my experience. At the time I was diagnosed (1990s), I got library books (much of what is in Steve’s book) and copied and copied info that I recognize in Neurotribes as part of what I researched, into a red binder which I still have, handwritten. Truly, Steve’s book is a go-to, a culmination of autism knowledge that is a gathered place for invaluable information. Inspired! (This library had jarringly noisy glass doors…for a library one doesn’t expect to grit teeth every few minutes while someone enters through said noisy doors…)

While Keri got great shots of Al and I walking, and even kissing on the busy street, it should be noted, alas, that filming is not my forte. I have RestingFrownFace. I suppose to focus on communication (selective mutism sucks) AND my facial expression is not cohesive, one always suffers. Plus side? I got to meet members of my tribe, Keri’s assistants Mark and Michelle. Here is lovely Michelle who had a very sore foot (and a trans child in common with me). My foot wasn’t sore. 🙂

Keri wanted footage of my hometown and planned a trip to visit us on Saturday by train,(yesterday) … Unfortunately Keri and Mark got lost on the way and we are rescheduling the trip for the future. She had a rose for me but never got to deliver it. Here are she and Mark who is delightfully shiny 🙂 mugging with my rose. At least I got to see it!

Had planned to take them to one of my favorite trees when they got in by train, but Al and I decided to go to the tree anyway even if Mark and Keri weren’t there to see it in person. Here we are:

Here is a shot of the filming of my son (left) and his gf Katerina. They held hands the whole time.

I have probably shared these before, but here is a “before” of Silas and a shot of ‘she’ and I miming.

It’s warming up here in the east. 60 degrees! woohoo. I plan to get a lowBattery-refill from nature as often as I can. My low power light is blinking. I’ll leave you with some art I’ve made, old and new- most collage, some acrylic, a lot of them unfinished. Poor quality quick iPhone photos.

See Alex Trebek in her calf muscle? These collages and paintings are more vibrant in person. They came out rather dark here. Images copyright me of course.

Go see your favorite tree. If you don’t have one, find one. Find your tribe, whoever it is. Make art. Catch Pokemon. Life is short. Maybe you’ll catch a shiny like me! Did you know Pokemon Go was created by someone with Aspergers? Of course you did.

CNN article about dreading autism awareness month.

Gender, Desire, Art, Journey (not in any particular order) It's still Women's History Month (I write this on the last day of March) although every day is a good day to remember women.

#art #desireFilm #keriBowers

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