#the ramones were right i DO wanna be sedated

[extraclevermongoose]

I'm about to chew my arm off if I don't get called for an interview soon. We only have two months before we move and I've got to have a job lined up before we get final approved for our mortgage loan. I'm gonna throw up.

[wisteriawatching]

The Ramones were right, I DO wanna be sedated

[geeneelee]

The Ramones were right. I do wanna be sedated. Bam bam ba-bam.

[rollypoliesonarock]

@maryse127 tagged me to talk about 4 albums Ive been listening to! So here's some music I've had on lately in no particular order.

So much (for) stardust-fall out boy

I'm not a huge fall out boy fan, but I absolutely love this album so much. Heaven, Iowa is probably my favorite song right now. This album makes me want to go back and give their other stuff another try.

Diary-sunny day real estate

Ive been on a sunny day real estate kick lately for some reason. Their music is good background music to studying, and I'm working on a patch of the art right now (just have the lines done so far). In circles is my favorite song of theirs in general, not just on the album.

Road to ruin-ramones

They're my dad's favorite band, so I find them somewhat comforting since they were on a lot when I was young. I checked this out at the library a couple weeks ago, and have been falling asleep to it most nights since. Favorite song is I wanna be sedated, mostly because of childhood memories

Sister Cities-the wonder years

Always assume I'm listening to the wonder years (I am right now actually). One of my absolute favorite bands currently, and I've found this album especially comforting due to recent family events. I listened to this album in it's entirety 3 times in a row last Friday. I don't think I have a favorite song, but raining in Kyoto specifically has been on repeat.

Thanks again for the tag @maryse127!

No pressure to do this, @p0tato-kn1shes @ttearsofthekingdom @trinity-blaze @rwbypro and anyone else who sees this and wants to talk about their music! You can make your own post or reblog this one, whatever you prefer

[crmsnmth]

September Sky Chapter Four, Part 5

CHAD: Well, did it work?

CHRIS: No. It did not.

CHAD: You nervous?

CHRIS: That's the biggest understatement I've ever heard.

CHAD: You already know she likes you, so what's to be nervous about?

CHRIS: You know me. I'll say something, coming off more mean then I am, or I I'll be too weird or awkward.

CHAD: You'll be fine. You've already hung out with her a couple times. And for the love of god, be yourself.

CHRIS: What's that supposed to mean?

CHAD: Don't hide under that fake ass shell you put on for people.

CHRIS: I didn't know I did that.

CHAD: You do. A lot. But I've got to get going. Josh and Wade are waiting for me and Amy.

CHRIS: D and D?

CHAD: You know it.

CHRIS: Right on. One of these times I should virtually join.

CHAD: That'd be pretty rad.

CHRIS: Next time. Tell everyone I said hi.

CHAD: Later

And that killed fifteen minutes of distraction. Fifteen minutes to go.

I stood up and made my way to the bathroom. I had to make sure I looked somewhat ok. I wasn't one to really pay much attention to my looks. Sure, I dyed my hair, and wore eyeliner and eye shadow, and don't wash it off for a few days. My eyes always looked sunk in. I was fashionably night. But it wasn't for attention. It was just how I felt comfortable.

I stared into the mirror, fixing my hair yet again. I had it spiked all over, giving myself a very pointy look. It was better than the rat nest it would be if I just let it go. I brushed my teeth again, but no matter what I felt there was something missing. I couldn't place it, though.

Getting dressed was a fucking nightmare. I swear, I tried on every fucking shirt I owned. My entire closet lay in piles around my room. I ended up choosing a button up black shirt with short sleeves. And a pair of my ever present black pants. If I had added a red skinny tie into the mix, I would've looked almost the same as I did in high school.

I stood in my room, picking up my shirts. Killing time. Or at least trying to.

My pone began ringing, an annoying midi version of The Ramones's 'I Wanna Be Sedated.' I didn't need to look at the caller ID. There was only one person I expected to call. And I knew it was her with only one ring. It's the call I had spent all day waiting for.

"Hello?" I answered as if I didn't know who was on the other side. As if it was some random friend calling to say hello. As if it were a spam call trying to get money out of me. As if it wasn't the person who made nervous and excited.

"Hey, so guess what?" That squeak of a voice came through, as if she had just whispered into my ear. I couldn't help but smile the very instant I heard it.

"What?"

"Go outside. It's a surprise." She hung up right away. I turned off all my stuff, double checking my pockets to make sure I had everything I needed. I stepped out of my room, almost barreling into Tom. I seem to run people over a lot, now that I think about it.

"Hey, dude," he said with the absolute worst timing ever, "what's up?"

"Not much. Just heading out. You?" Every selfish bone in my body was screaming to just leave. But every awkward and polite thought made me stay, wasting precious seconds.

"Nothing at all. Where you off too?" He asked, just being friendly.

[infiinitys]

CLAYTON CARDENAS. HE/HIM / have you ever heard of I WANNA BE SEDATED by ramones, well, it describes MATIAS ARAYA to a tee! the thirty-seven year old, and OWNER OF RIGHT ROUND RECORDS + FORMER LEAD SINGER OF OVERDRIVE FIVE was spotted browsing through the stalls at portobello road market last sunday, do you know them? would you say HE is more overprotective or more STRONG-WILLED instead? anyway, they remind me of the first strums of a guitar playing a song about heartbreak, a body littered with tattoos, trying to forget old memories & thrashed denim jeans and t-shirts, maybe you’ll bump into them soon!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝚃𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙶𝙴𝚁 𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶 : cancer, divorce, death, substance abuse, sobriety

 ⸻  𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘

Matias Araya was once an unknown, born and raised in Notting Hill. And to think, with his name living in rock infamy -- one might think he had lived within the industry his entire life.

Music was always a huge part of his life, the patriarch of his family being the original founder of Right Round Records, which he would later inherit. He often helped out around the shop when he was young, and never saw himself continuing the family business.

He was always a rambunctious kid, the eldest of three. He was never the greatest influence on them as the oldest child is told they should be, often joining them in their antics and developing the same "bad boy" reputation.

It wasn't until he reached high school that he met the members of his band. They could not have been more different, but were bonded by their mutual love of music. And so, they practiced day in and day out and became as close as brothers could be. Singing his heart out became everything to him.

It was never the dream to get noticed -- mainly because none of them ever believed that it would ever really happen. Even still, this ragtag band of kids from England moved to Los Angeles with little to their name.

The discovery of Overdrive Five was surprisingly just like the movies -- a talent scout having watched them play at one of their pub gigs. Little did they know, they would go from living paycheck to paycheck to being one of the biggest bands in the world.

After the release of their first album, the five were living the high life. They were touring, meeting people ( executives, women, the like ) and had the entire world accessible at their fingertips. However, Matias went down a bit of a darker path than the rest of them.

He didn't know how bad his substance abuse was getting. He just thought he could party hard. However, everything changed when he met and married Melina Oliviera, model, in a quick Vegas wedding.

They were endlessly bad for each other. Her addiction was just as bad as his was, if not worse. Both of them continued to spiral together, until an explosive night led to Matias needing to go to the hospital. And the first thing he noticed -- she didn't do anything to help him. She just kept the party going. He served her with divorce papers two days later and began his efforts to getting clean.

He feared returning to the stage -- wondering what people would think of him. But his band cheered him on and has continued to, even after their split.

Things finally came to an end for the band when Matias expressed that he wanted a life outside of touring, but they learned something else. Their bassist, Connor West, was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

They spent all the time they could at Connor's side, and things started to look up for a while. However, their friend's health suddenly declined before he eventually passed away.

Following his death, the band recorded and released an album of songs Connor had written -- as well as a couple they had written in his honor. That was five years ago, and Matias has no intention of returning to the stage. Not without Connor.

His fathers passing a year ago caused him to inherit Right Round, which he credits to giving him the last piece of the puzzle and the stability he needed.

Meeting Blue, his current partner, was one of the best moments of his life. He adores them completely -- and the otherwise very gruff rocker shows a different side to them and them only.

⸻  𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

He's been sober for five years, and hasn't wavered since. He continues on his program and is extremely proud of himself for all the work that he has done.

Even if he's left his performance days behind him, he still dresses like he could walk right out on stage. Thrashed jeans, t-shirts, flannels, combat boots, occasional eyeliner, the whole nine yards.

Does come off a bit tougher than some can handle rather naturally. However, when he cares about people he cares about them deeply -- and he does allow it to show.

more to come.

⸻ 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐒

TBA

[peresephoknee]

The ramones were right I DO wanna be sedated!

[lost-in-the-80s]

You Don’t Want My Love - Chapter 7

Pairing: Duff McKagan x reader

Words: 3,899k

Summary: Guns n Roses hires a new tour assistant, but nobody thought that Duff would fall for her.

In this chapter:  Late night talks on the bus can sometimes be your best friend. The band goes to a Scottish pub, but what happens when you mix love with beer? 

A/N: The only thing I can say after finishing this chapter is that I want Duff McKagan in my life! Enjoy… (new chapters every Tuesday)

Tag list: @roger-taylors-car @ladieswttda @teasid @metalheartofgold @ginny-rose-sixx @rumoured-whispers @vinylvintage @metalupyourash ​ add yourself to my tag list :)

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“Where’s my vodka?” Duff asked, searching inside the cabinets in the dressing room.

“Duff, don’t you think you’ve had enough for a day?” Y/N asked, concerned, he had drank a bottle already.

“Relax, sweetheart, I’ll be fine, I just want to ease my nerves....” He opened the last door, grinning widely. “Here it is!”

He placed the bottle on the top of the table, searching for a new plastic glass.

Y/N reached forward, grabbing the bottle just when Duff placed a glass beside it.

“Y/N, let go of the vodka, please.” He looked into her eyes, his tone was serious but his eyes had a glimpse that she couldn’t quite identify.

“No.” She took the bottle away from the table.

“Y/N…” He prolonged her name. “You don’t want me to go there and pick it, right?” He smirked, the glimpse in his eyes getting intensified, allowing her to identify it - mischief.

He started walking slowly towards her, while she started backing off.

“Y/N…” He said it again but she sprinted off the room, running through the corridors with him chasing her. 

At some points he almost got her, but there was always someone passing by that could be used as an obstacle. 

She grinned seeing the exit door at the end of the hallway. Pushing the door open, she met with bright sunshine. Looking back she couldn’t see Duff, she started moving backward slowly, facing the door trying to see any sight of the blonde.

Y/N abruptly stopped when her back hit against something, or better, someone. 

Turning around slowly she found Duff, he moved his arms and she closed her eyes by instinct, opening them when she felt him circling her waist and pulling her closer. 

He pressed his lips against hers, in a sweet and slow kiss. Forgetting completely about the bottle, she reached behind his neck with her arms, dropping the bottle beside her and pulling him even closer.

The crackling sound made him smile in the kiss, before he slowly pulled away from her.

“You good?” He looked down to see if she hadn’t cut herself.

---

A strong glow accompanied by a deafening crash woke Y/N. Looking out of the window she could see the rays covering the sky as heavy rain hit the road.

Great, we're under a storm. She thought to herself.

Hitting her head against the pillow, she grunted, running her hands over her face. Obviously it was a dream, Y/N.

She even tried to sleep, but she never liked storms, even when she was a child, they always made her scared and alert, two things that made it impossible for her to fall asleep.

Looking for her slippers on the floor, she got up, walking slowly to the common area of ​​the bus, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with both hands.

Opening the door, her eyes locked on Duff’s. He was sitting in one corner of the couch with an acoustic guitar on his lap, the radio was turned on at a low volume, playing some band that she had never heard before.

They stared at each other for a few seconds under the bad lighting generated by the red emergency lamps on the bus, and her cheeks burned with embarrassment as she recalled the dream she had just had, internally hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Can't you sleep?"

"I don't like storms very much." She headed for the small kitchen on the bus, turning on the lamp in the wall cabinet. "I came to make tea to see if it helps."

"It's been raining for a while, but the lightning started a little ago."

"Haven't you gone to sleep yet?" She looked at the clock on the bus, 4:10 am.

"I wasn’t sleepy, too many thoughts in my head."

"I know how it is." She murmured. "Do you want tea?"

"No, thank you."

Silence washed over the room, and she turned to face the electric kettle, waiting for the water to boil.

Focusing on the ambient sounds, the beat of the music enveloped her ears and she realized that Duff was playing the same song on the guitar, but on notes so soft they could hardly be heard in the rain.

"Which band is this?" She turned to him.

“Ramones. They are from New York. ” He stopped playing, looking into her eyes.

"It looks like a movie soundtrack ... of those that play before an adventure scene."

He smiled at her words. “It’s a tape I made, they are my favorite songs of theirs. This is I Wanna Be Sedated.”

"It's a good song." She turned, taking the boiling water to finish her tea.

"Now you can't say that you've never heard anything punk." He said remembering the conversation they had had at the record store a few months ago.

"Is that punk?" She opened her eyes wide. "I thought it would be something worth scaring little children." She laughed a little.

"No, it's not like that." He giggled. “They were the first band, you know? They arrived at the label with this tape with several 2-minute songs and ended up revolutionizing rock ”

She smiled when she saw the sparkle in his eyes when he spoke.

"Do You Wanna Dance?" He said calmly and she choked on the tea.

"What!?"

He laughed. "The music." He pointed to the radio, she hadn't even noticed that another song was playing. "This is the last one of the tape."

"Well, I don't know if I would listen to them willingly, but they are good!" She sat on the same couch as him, leaving some space between them.

"I figured you’d like it." He smiled putting the guitar on the floor.

"Yeah, but you're not always right."

"What you mean?"

"Those Dead Kennedys suck!" She said laughing.

"Oh no!" He touched his chest. "You’re hurting me, Y/N!"

“Like… Drug Me? What song is that!?”

"Yeah, maybe I gave you the wrong band." He laughed, leaning his head against the wooden panel that blocked the bus ladder.

The tape came to an end and the bus went silent again, only the noise of rain and wind being noticeable.

"What now?" She pointed with her thumb at the radio.

"I'll let you choose something."

Standing up and adjusting her knit shorts, she walked over to the radio, turning the station knob until she found a song she liked, playing at a local station.

"Scorpions?" He frowned.

"Is that their name?" She asked laughing, returning to sit next to him, this time closer.

He laughed as he shook his head. "I think I'm going to have to give you some rock lessons."

"Only if I give you some pop lessons!" Y/N smiled.

He pursed his lips. "That makes it difficult."

She laughed at his response, but then I Want To Know What Love Is started playing and she went silent with embarrassment, afraid that Duff would realize that the song represented exactly how she felt.

“So, where are you from?” She looked at him, trying desperately to initiate some conversation that could take her mind away from the song. 

“Seattle. Born and raised there.” He smiled.

“Just you or you have siblings?” 

“I have seven older siblings.”

“Wow! God bless your mom!” She widened her eyes.

“She’s a good woman. She would like you.” 

Y/N looked down, trying to cover the smile that formed on her lips.

“What about you? Any siblings?”

“I have one brother. He’s five years younger.” 

“The two of you get along well?” 

She yawned, the tea finally bringing sleep back to her. "Most of the time. He's a good boy. Started in college last year. ” A small smile formed on her lips.

“What’s his name?”

"Kevin." She placed the cup on the coffee table, resting her head against the back of the couch. "The nickname is Kenny." She closed her eyes, trying to fight sleep.

"I bet he’s very proud to be your brother." Duff said, looking at her closely and realizing that she was almost asleep.

"Yeah, maybe." She murmured.

After a few seconds of not moving, Duff called her name, but got no answer. She had slept.

He laughed softly, stretching his long legs on the coffee table, pulling Y/N to lie against his chest. She looked so small in that big sweater.

She moved a little while still sleeping, finding a comfortable position for her head right over his heart.

Duff wrapped his arms around her, gently kissing the top of her head. "Good night, Y/N."

And the sleep that had disappeared, finally came, if the cause of it was the sun coming up or the smell of her perfume? He couldn't say. But he closed his eyes, sighing deeply, allowing himself to sleep.

---

"Awn, look at them!" Steven said excitedly.

"Shut up, you're going to wake them up!" Axl replied.

"And isn't that the intention, idiot?" Slash asked, slapping the back of Axl's head.

Slowly, Duff started to open his eyes, all four were standing in front of him. Looking down, Duff saw her sleeping, she looked so peaceful, her hand was on his chest and her lips were slightly parted.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." Izzy said, smirking.

Looking at the watch, he saw that it was 9:30 in the morning.

"We stopped for breakfast." Axl said, throwing a leather jacket over his shoulder before getting off the bus, being accompanied by Izzy.

"You guys look so cute together!" Steven exclaimed and Y/N moved a little.

Slash started pushing Steven lightly by the shoulders off the bus, leaving Duff and Y/N there.

She started to open her eyes slowly and Duff removed some hair from her face.

"Hey, good morning." He said in a soft voice.

Hearing Duff's voice she got up quickly, sitting on the couch and looking around, finally realizing that she had slept with him, or on him.

"My goodness! I'm sorry, Duff! Wow, I fucked up big this time!” She ran her hands through her hair, trying to untangle it, avoiding looking him in the eye.

"It's alright."

She kept looking ahead, so he touched her chin, gently turning her face to him. "It's alright." He smiled gently.

Slowly, Y/N nodded.

"Axl said we stopped for breakfast."

"Oh my God, did he see me like that?" She covered her mouth with her hand.

"Everyone saw it, but relax, they don't care." He smiled trying to comfort her.

"You coming?" He asked getting up, ducking his head so he wouldn't hit the ceiling.

“I'm going to change first. I'll be there in a few minutes. ” She smiled slightly.

Duff nodded and left the bus.

"Oh. My. God." She said slowly. The thought of spending the night in Duff's arms made a smile come over her lips as she slowly walked over to her suitcase, still not believing what had happened.

Wearing the first jeans she found, she kept her sweater on, brushing her teeth quickly and heading toward the cafe.

Sitting next to Slash and Axl, she asked for coffee with pancakes, avoiding the look in the boys' eyes.

"So Duff, did you sleep well?" Axl asked, smirking, making Slash nudge him.

"Yes, I did." Duff tried to be casual, but there was no way to make the situation any less embarrassing.

"Y/N." Izzy's voice made her look at him, hoping it wasn't another joke. "The driver said that we’ll get to Edinburgh in the early afternoon, do we have anything to do today?"

She breathed a sigh of relief. "No, today is a free day."

Izzy nodded, turning his attention to the coffee.

"I want to go to a pub tonight." Slash announced.

"Hell yeah!" Duff agreed, high fiving the friend over the table.

"You know what, I'm going with you!" Axl announced, leaning against the chair.

“I think we could all use a night of fun. Izzy? Y/N? What do you say? ” Steven said, his eyes sparkling with the idea.

"Maybe." Izzy said without taking his eyes off the newspaper he was reading.

Steven looked at her hopefully.

"Why not?" She brought a piece of the pancake to her mouth.

"I think the night is going to be good!" Slash said smiling.

“8 o'clock, in the hotel lobby? What do you say?" Axl asked, receiving confirmation from each of them.

---

For the rest of the day she found a book in her suitcase, sitting near the bus window and listening to a tape of The Rolling Stones that Izzy had loaned her.

As much as her eyes were on the book, her mind wandered freely about the night before. Recalling how his skin glowed with the thin red light, how relaxed he looked and how soft his voice was when he spoke to her.

He had become the first good memory during a storm. And to be honest, she had even forgotten that it was raining when she was with him.

Around two in the afternoon they arrived in Edinburgh. Checking in and choosing a coat, she went out for lunch, meeting Slash in the hotel lobby, the two of them decided to have lunch together, walking quietly through the city streets.

“How was your night, Y/N? Sleep well?" Slash asked, smirking.

"Oh no! You too!?" She crossed her arms.

"Relax, I'm just bugging you." He laughed. "But you were so cute cuddling together this morning." He smiled, mocking her.

She pushed him lightly by the shoulder. "You will never let me forget this, will you?"

"Nope!" He smiled proudly and she rolled her eyes, not holding herself and giving a small smile.

After placing their orders, the two sat at a table by the window.

Looking at the gray sky and the cold wind that hit the streets, she sighed. "I wanted to go with a skirt tonight, but I think it's too cold for that."

“We are going to drink! You won't even know what's cold after the third beer.”

She pursed her lips, making them a thin line. "Yeah, that worries me too."

"Why?"

"Let's say I get drunk very quickly." She gave a nasal laugh as she remembered the last Christmas party, when she had a few glasses of punch she ended up sleeping in the middle of the party.

“Relax, we'll be with you. We take care of each other. ” He offered her a smile and then the two started eating, remaining in comfortable silence, except for some comments about the food here and there.

After returning to the hotel, Y/N found herself without much to do. She reorganized her bags, watched MTV and even danced when some music she liked was playing on television.

When the clock struck 7, she took a shower, drying her hair with the hotel dryer and applying light makeup. Searching among her clothes she chose a white and black skirt that she combined with a black long-sleeved blouse and long black boots. Wearing a long black coat and applying perfume, she left the room, heading for the lobby.

After a few minutes, everyone arrived and together they took two taxis towards a famous pub in the city.

Sitting at a table at the back of the establishment, “Beer Night” began, as Axl decided to call it.

The place was poorly lit, there were dark wooden tables matching chairs with red upholstery. The walls were exposed brick and there were some decorative pictures scattered around.

To her right, Y/N could see a tall counter, behind it were several craft beer machines, as well as a variety of other drinks like whiskey and liquor on shelves on the wall.

Choosing a round table in the corner of the establishment, Y/N sat down between Duff and Axl, widening his eyes when a big glass mug full of beer was placed in front of her.

"Am I supposed to drink all of this?" She pointed to the mug, looking at the boys.

"Relax, there's food to go with it." Axl told her, and then two servings of appetizers were placed in the center of the table.

When the second round of beer arrived, Y/N was already more than dizzy, she found everything funny, while the boys started talking louder and louder.

"Tell her how you broke your hand, Popcorn!" Duff said laughing, his arm was supported on the back of her chair.

"Oh no!" He ran a hand over his face, shaking his head.

"Come on! I want to know!!" She prolonged the last word by making puppy eyes.

“Okay… It was just a few weeks before the tour started, I was leaving this bar and a guy and I got into a fistfight. As you can imagine, I was not very sober, I tried to punch the guy, ended up slipping and hitting my fist against a street lamp.”

Everyone at the table laughed at the incident, Axl even put his hand on his belly to try to relieve the pain that formed in his abdomen thanks to his laughter.

Two mugs and many excuses to go to the bathroom later, they decided to go to the hotel. To be fair they didn’t decide to go to the hotel, in fact, the owner of the pub expelled them saying that it was closing time.

It was funny to see the man getting mad, none of the six were used to the Scottish accent, understanding what he was saying became even more difficult with all the beer they had had.

The last thing Y/N heard was the man growling "Fucking cunts!" before slamming the door behind them.

To be fair, it took them 15 minutes to get out of there, drinking the rest of the beer from the mugs and laughing at his accent. So she understood why he was so angry.

Stumbling to get into a taxi with Duff and Izzy, Y/N found herself leaning against the blonde's side, who put his arm over her shoulders.

"Your hair is so beautiful." She laughed, touching his hair.

"You are beautiful." He replied smiling.

She laughed again, laying her head on his shoulder, rubbing her nose against the skin of the blonde's neck. "I love your smell." She whispered and it was the last thing she saw before everything became black.

"Y/N! ... Y/N, we're here!" She opened her eyes, realizing that the taxi had parked in front of the hotel, Izzy had already left and Duff was waiting for her.

"Hum? Are we here yet? ” Her voice was drunk, skidding on every word.

"Yes, love." He smiled, getting out of the car and waiting for her.

Stumbling on the sidewalk step, Duff caught her, laughing.

"Damn boots!" She murmured, breaking free of Duff's arms and sitting on the floor in the middle of the sidewalk.

"What is she doing?" Slash asked in a slurred voice.

"Taking off her boots." Duff said. The two looked at each other and started laughing.

Trying to get up, she realized that it was a more difficult task than she imagined, as she fell down sitting again.

"Ouch ... I can't get up." She complained.

Rolling his eyes, Axl pulled her by the hands, helping her to her feet.

Analyzing the situation from the outside, it was clear that Axl and Duff were the two most sober people there, as far as possible, of course.

"Where's Izzy?" Axl asked Duff.

"He's already in." He pointed to the hotel door.

"Okay, take the lady “I can't stand up” to her room while I take care of these two."

Duff nodded, putting an arm around her waist, guiding her into the hotel.

Standing in front of the elevators, Y/N looked at Steven, he was already looking at her.

"What?" She asked.

"What?" He frowned and they both started laughing again.

Duff's elevator opened the doors and he entered, taking the girl with him.

"Good night boys. I love you!" She said in her slurred voice, but the doors closed before she could receive an answer.

Stopping in front of her bedroom door, she took a few seconds to find the lock, turning around abruptly before opening the door, facing Duff.

One of his arms was propped against the doorframe, making him only inches away from her.

“Can’t you open it? ” He asked.

"I already opened it." She smiled victoriously, leaning her head against the door and tilting her chin to stare into his eyes.

"What is it then?" 

"I want you to kiss me." She whispered, moving her face close to his.

"Y/N." He prolonged her name in a warning tone.

"Please." She sighed, standing on her tiptoes.

Slowly, Duff leaned his head down and she closed her eyes, waiting for the kiss, but it never came.

Opening her eyes again, she found two brownish-green orbs staring at her.

"Not like this, you’re drunk." He said in a low voice. "Can you handle yourself or do you need help with anything else?" He pulled away from her, clearing his throat.

"I can handle it." She said looking down, unable to hide her disappointment. "Good night Duff." Entering the room she closed the door before he could respond to her words.

---

The next morning, Y/N woke up to a loud noise echoing in the room. Opening her eyes, it took her several seconds to realize it was the phone.

She frowned when a severe headache hit her as soon as she stepped out of bed.

"Hello?" Her voice was slurred with sleep.

"Good morning Y/N." It was Tom, he had traveled the week before. The initial plans were for him to accompany the band for at least three months, but an unforeseen event with a band in the United States made him rush back.

"Good morning, Tom." She rubbed her eyes, lying back on the bed.

"How is it going?"

“Everything is going ok. The boys are behaving, just the usual delays and problems” She said referring to drugs and drinking.

"Good to know, because I’ll need you to take care of everything for a few more weeks."

"What happened?"

“It is difficult to explain over the phone, many things have not gone as planned and they are about to lose their contract. I will have to stay longer. ”

"Ah, yes ... I understand."

"Call me if something serious happens, and if they start to get out of control let me know and I'll get someone to help you."

"Alright, and don’t worry, I’ll warn you if something happens. ”

"Right." She could hear the sound of something metallic falling on the floor. “Sorry, I have to go. Take care, Y/N. ”

"You too, Tom." She hung up the phone, realizing it was 11 am, the soundcheck would start in a few hours.

Closing her eyes, flashes from last night hit her, fast like lightning. A dark-haired man yelling at them, Duff waking her up in the taxi and her taking off her boots on the sidewalk.

She couldn't remember entering the hotel, much less arriving in her room. Looking around she saw her clothes from the night before scattered on the floor, all except the shirt she was wearing. Her hair smelled like a mixture of cigarettes, shampoo and beer and she noticed that she had broken a nail.

"What the hell happened last night?"

[echochamberdean]

Blitzkrieg Bop

pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

summary: Reader has somethings special planned for Peter’s birthday

word count:1k

a/n: I tried to use the more popular Ramones songs so that people would know what I’m talking about but the reason I chose the Ramones is because ‘Blitzkrieg Bop’ plays at the end of the first Spiderman movie (Holland Spiderman). Anyways, I hope you guys like it, feel free to send in requests!

______________________________________________

“Peter, if you ask where we’re going one more time I will murder you!” You screeched simply tired of his questions sounding behind you like a broken record as you both got ready in his room,

“Y/n, you know I can’t handle secrets. This is why our relationship is thriving.” He said looking back at you goofily as he threw on the Ramones shirt you had told him to wear. You laughed.

“Just shut up and get ready.” You responded playfully before heading into the bathroom to check the outfit you had picked out for the night. Tonight was Peter’s birthday and you had planned something super special for him. There was a reason you had failed to mention that your brother was in a cover band. You had asked them if they could dedicate their show tonight to Peter and cover songs by the Ramones seeing as it was Peter’s favorite band. They, of course, were delighted to do the show for Peter as you would often help them in the early developments of the band and had even written one of their original songs.

“You ready yet?” He called from the room, you could tell he was getting antsy. 

“Yeah, you?”

“Yup, let’s get out of here already, I’m starting to think you’re gonna have me assassinated.”

“Me? On your birthday? Never.” You met him in the hallway outside of his bedroom with a sly smile before pressing a quick kiss on his lips. He hummed in playful suspicion, taking your hand in his as you led him out the door.

--

As you approached the venue with your hands hovering over his eyes it was getting harder to conceal where you were taking him as you could begin to hear the music coming from the building. The boom of the drums and bass could be felt on your skin as you got closer and closer to the building. Peter tried to move your hands from his eyes.

“Are we seeing your brother play!?? God, I actually haven’t seen him and the guys in a while!” You couldn’t hold the position of your hands any longer as Peter looked up at the neon light in the shape of an eyeball flicking left to right with each second. 

“You got me,” You splayed a playful frown on your face, “We’re seeing my brother's band, yes. But that’s not all..” You walked ahead of him before flashing back a mischievous look. Peter was, nonetheless, excited to hear live music. 

As you entered the venue, you could see your brother and his band finishing up a soundcheck. You whistled up at him to let him know you were here. ‘You’re late,” he mouthed over the sound of the guitarist tuning his guitar. 

“We’re here aren’t we?” You yelled up at him, he pointed at you in playful warning before turning back to the drummer to finish up. You lead Peter around the barrier to stand right at the front of the stage.

“Alright everybody, how’re we doin’ tonight?” The house whistled, whooped, and yelled back. 

“Good, good, that’s great. Listen, tonight's show is gonna be a little different tonight, I hope you don’t mind. Tonight’s menu is full of Joey Ramone, let’s go.” Everyone in the club clapped and cheered, you whistled loudly.

“This one’s for Peter Parker, it’s called Blitzkrieg Bop. 1, 2, 3, 4!” As the drummer counted off with his sticks, you quickly looked to Peter who looked as if he had just met Joey Ramone himself. The guitar kicked off and Peter turned to you excitedly.

“No fucking way!” He yelled at you over the guitar and drums resounding throughout the venue. You simply nodded at him just as excited to see him fanboy over his favorite band’s song. 

“Holy shit!” He chanted as you both jumped and swayed to the music, the others around you pumping their fists in the air, it was pleasant anarchy and Peter couldn’t look happier. The band played more of the hits and you both jammed to the music until your feet were sore. 

--

When the show was over, you were both absolutely exhausted but happy. 

“I can’t believe that really just happened! I haven’t ever been to a show like that, it was so cool! Especially when they were playing ‘I Wanna Be Sedated’ and your brother did that thing with his guitar, that was so sick!” You laughed as Peter kept on going on about how much he loved the show. You dragged him along with you backstage to where your brother and the guys were packing up for the night. 

“Dude that was so great, thanks again, I owe you one.” You said, hugging him before looking at Peter.

“You guys were really good, I had a blast,” Peter said, smiling from ear to ear. 

“It was no problem guys, I always wanted to play an old hits show so it was pretty fun. This doesn’t mean you don’t still owe me one y/n/n. I might have to cash that in soon.” He joked.

“Yeah whatever, loser, anyways me and Peter are heading home. Thanks again!” You called out before you and Peter headed out.

--

The crickets sang peacefully as you both walked down the street, slowly, as if prolonging the high of the show. There were a few others far ahead of you now, that had also begun their walk home after the show, whooping on about the songs and such. It made you smile and squeeze Peter's hand as you leaned into his shoulder. 

“Did you like your present?” 

“Are you kidding? I loved it y/n, that was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. You know I’ve been patrolling a lot lately but to get one night with my favorite person listening to my favorite songs- It was incredible.” He looked into your eyes, “I loved it.” He repeated, stopping in his tracks to make sure you could see his face; see just how happy he was at that moment.

You looked up at him, sliding your arms up and over his shoulders, meeting at the nape of his neck.

“I’m glad, Petey.” You smiled, closing the distance between you. He kissed you with such a burning passion that it was hardly bearable. Seeing him happy was just about the best feeling in the world. So you kissed back, just as much as he, his arms pulling you closer to him before you were both desperate for air.

“I love you.” He whispered, his breath warm and ghosting against your ear. It made you shiver.

“I love you too.”

[ghostcrows]

the Ramones were right

I do wanna be sedated

[rel-ish]

man the ramones were right. i do wanna be sedated

[miss-robot-mr-edith]

For the send me a character thing, Eliot Spencer and Spike?

Bless you for sending me two of my absolute faves 😭💖

Okay, here it goes.

Eliot:

Favorite thing about them: Wow, this is so hard because I’m just in love with Eliot Spencer lol. If I have to choose, I think I’d say that my favorite thing about Eliot is that he would do literally anything for the people he loves and seems to genuinely expect nothing in return. I think it’s common in the fandom for Eliot to be considered the group’s protector, and while it’s more than that, he definitely is. And the safety and happiness of his loved ones is the only reward he seems to desire for doing so.

Least favorite thing about them: The flip side of that is that it’s always seemed to me that Eliot thinks he deserves less than everyone else in the group. He makes due with lurking just outside the group, watching over them (at least at first), and doesn’t expect them to fulfill his needs. The problem with that is that he sometimes fails to see how much they need him, for more than just his skills.

Favorite line: For the feels, it’s “Till my dying day.” Gets me every time. For humor, it’s, of course, every single “Dammit Hardison!”

BrOTP: Maybe this is weird, but Eliot and Sophie. The two of them have always had a really interesting relationship to me because they didn’t seem to get each other at first and there was tension between the two of them for a while, but they developed an understanding over the series. Their scenes together were always great.

OTP: The OT3, baby. Eliot, Hardison, and Parker are in love.

nOTP: Nothing specific, just any ship that gets in the way of the OT3 lol.

Random headcanon: That he’s bi 💖 Not just because of Hardison, he has great chemistry with a lot of guys in the show!

Unpopular opinion: Huh, that’s a tough one. Maybe just that I won’t be upset if the OT3’s not officially canon in the new series. Like I would love it, but I would really understand if that’s not part of the vision they have for it (and I know the subtext will be there regardless).

Song I associate with them: Christian Kane’s very own “Different Kind of Knight.”

Favorite picture of them: His look in the French Connection Job is one of my faves.

Okay, now Spike!

Favorite thing about them: Again, so tough. This might sound odd, but I love his vulnerability. I love that it’s been a decade since he was a shy, lovesick poet, and yet no matter how hard he tries to turn his persona in the complete opposite direction, he still can’t help how much his feelings show. At times it gets him in trouble, but I think it’s also why he’s able to connect to humans in the show pre-soul, in a way most vampires never could.

Least favorite thing about them: At times he lets his feelings have far too much free reign (this is both pre- and post-soul imo). At his best, his perceptiveness allows him to see someone hurting and know the right thing to say. At his worst, his big emotions sometimes bulldoze over other people’s.

Favorite line: For the feels, it’s “I made a promise to a lady.” For humor, it’s literally every line lol, I can’t choose.

BrOTP: This is a tough one because Spike makes a great BrOTP with so many people. I’m gonna cheat and pick two. I love Spike and Willow together. We don’t get a ton of it, but it’s always amusing when we do. She seems to feel bad for him even when he’s doing bad things (like when he kidnaps her in Lovers Walk or tries to bite her unsuccessfully in The Initiative) and he always seems to kinda like her even though he claims to hate the Scoobies.

I also love Spike with Dawn. It makes perfect sense that she’s always trying to tag along after him. She says herself that he’s the only one who talks to her likes she’s not a kid, and I think what she’s picking up on is that Spike, as an outsider, doesn’t have the same interests or concerns as the Scoobies. I think it’s the same reason she loves Tara so much, albeit a very different relationship lol.

OTP: Spuffy, of course (though as I’ve said, I will always love Sprusilla too).

nOTP: I don’t really have an answer for this. It’s been said a lot that Spike is shippable with pretty much anyone, and I tend to agree. The only thing I wouldn’t ship is something inappropriate, like him and Dawn, but I’ve rarely seen that shipped anyway.

Random headcanon: I didn’t come up with this because I’ve been seeing variations of it for a long time, but that Spike is really good at doing makeup and nails and has done both Drusilla’s and Buffy’s in their respective relationships.

Unpopular opinion: That he’s not superior to Angel because he fought to get his soul back and Angel didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I love him for that. Like, it’s AMAZING that he was able to do it. But it doesn’t seem to me that people choose how far gone they are once they lose their soul.

Song I associate with them: “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones, naturally.

Favorite picture of them: I love 70s Spike.

[remywrites5]

Can you write something about harry and sirius godfather relationship

Remus had just finished putting Teddy down for the night when he went into his study and booted up his laptop. He clicked on Youtube and went to his favorite channel “Rebel without a Sprog.” A video had been uploaded earlier that day and Remus was anxious to watch it.

           He clicked on it and sat back as it began to play. He turned the volume down a bit so it wouldn’t disturb Teddy who was sleeping down the hall. It seemed to be a Q&A video. Sirius, the person who ran the channel, came into view sitting in a large comfy looking chair. Their long dark hair had been braided to the side and they were wearing an off the shoulder grey oversized t-shirt and leggings. Their knee was up towards their chest, hugging it with a playful smile on their lips.

           “Hi everyone!” Sirius said, giving a little wave. “It’s been awhile since we’ve done a Q and A video and some of you have been asking for one. Some of these might be repeats of other Q and A videos because I’m too lazy to go back and see what has already been asked.”

           Sirius grabbed their phone and brought it up, resting it on their knee so they could read it. “The first question is what does Harry call me. I know being genderfluid might make the mum or dad moniker kind of tricky, but seeing as I’m not his mum or dad he just calls me Padfoot or Pads. It was a nickname James came up with when we were together at school and it just kind of stuck. I find that’s easier for me because I’m not looking to replace his parents so I don’t think mum or dad would ever truly feel like they fit me all that well.”

           Sirius continued on – answering some questions about parenting. Remus tried to pay attention but he was distracted by Sirius and watching them as they talked. They had on some sort of lipstick that made their lips really shiny and Remus found he couldn’t look away. He would end up re-watching the video anyway like he did with all of Sirius’ videos.

           He stopped being distracted when a question came up about Sirus’ love life. “Oh no, I hate this question but I’m going to answer it anyway. How do you balance raising a child on your own and having a love life?” Sirius exhaled loudly and stared at the camera for a moment. “So here’s the thing about this question, at least when it comes to me. Harry comes first – full stop. If it’s a choice between raising Harry right or finding love for myself, the choice is easy. It’s always going to be Harry. When James and Lily died they entrusted their son to me and that is not a task I take lightly. So right now I’m not dating. It’s difficult enough to find someone who is fine with me as I am without throwing in the fact that I’ve got a kid. Now if some gorgeous stranger wanted to show up and sweep me off my feet I’m not going to protest that. But if Harry doesn’t like whom I date then I wouldn’t date them because he’s my priority. I would never put my happiness over his. It just wouldn’t happen. Maybe I’m not the right person to ask this question to because as of right now I don’t balance it and I don’t date.”

           Remus smiled to himself and played with one of his curls. No matter what kind of day he was having, watching Sirius’ videos always made him feel better. It hadn’t been easy going for the last year. Remus’ best friend Tonks was Aro and while she didn’t want a relationship, she had decided she wanted a child. She and Remus had sat down and had a good long discussion about it.

           They decided they would do in vitro but Tonks wanted him to have shared custody of the child. Remus had agreed because he couldn’t say no to her, but he wasn’t even sure he wanted children. He had thought he was doing her a favor but he could see how the task of becoming a single mum was kind of daunting.

           Since being born, Teddy would spend Wednesday through Saturday afternoon with Remus and then Saturday evening to Tuesday with Tonks. It was a good system so far but Remus realized quickly how wholly unprepared he was to be a father. One night Teddy had been screaming his head off and Remus had no idea why. He had eventually broken down into tears and neither of them had stopped until Teddy finally passed out from exhaustion of crying.

           It was that night that Remus found Sirius’ videos, looking for any guidance on what the fuck he was doing with his son. While most of Sirius’ videos were on the silly side, they also had a lot of good information. And sometimes all Remus needed was something that made him smile.

           One of his favorite videos was titled “How to tire out your Sprog!” and it began with Sirius and Harry yelling “Dance party!” What proceeded was three minutes of Sirius and Harry jumping around their living room and dancing like lunatics to The Ramones “I Wanna Be Sedated.” When the song ended, Harry collapsed on the sofa and Sirius got close to the camera. “Something like that,” they said with a wink before turning the camera off.

           Remus had probably watched it a good thirty or forty times because it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen.

           He clicked on the description of the Q&A video and saw that there was an email address along with all of Sirius’ social media handles. Before he could think better of it, he pulled up his email and copied the one from the video.

           Hello,

           I just wanted to reach out and let you know how much your videos mean to me. I bet you get this all the time from your adoring fans, but I’m a new single father, so finding your videos has been a godsend. I was a mess and really struggling but even if your videos didn’t apply to my situation (because my son is only a year old instead of four like Harry) your videos always make me smile. I don’t have any friends that are parents, except for my son’s mum, so watching your vlogs makes me feel a little less alone.

           I guess this was all just a longwinded way of saying thank you.

           So thank you,

           Remus Lupin

Against his better judgment, he pressed send. Unable to sit there any longer because of his nerves, he shut his laptop and headed off to bed to get some sleep while he could.

                                                           ***

           It was three days later and Remus had mostly forgotten about his email sent to Sirius. He didn’t regret sending it but he was a little embarrassed about gushing his feelings to a complete stranger on the internet. Although he doubted that was something Sirius even checked themselves. They probably had a team of people to do stuff like that for them.

           So when Remus got a response from Sirius’ email account, he assumed it would be some generic “thanks for being a fan” type of email. Instead when he opened it up he found a brief message but one still surprising.

           Remus,

           Harry and I will be at the London Zoo on Saturday if you and your son wanted to join us. We’ll meet you outside at noon if you’re keen. I hope you show up!

           Sirius Black

           Remus reread the email a good twenty times and then walked away from his laptop, rebooted it and checked again just to be sure. If he had lived with someone who could actually read he would make them read it just to be sure he wasn’t hallucinating.

           He was definitely going to go to the zoo even if he was imagining that Sirius had emailed him. At the very least it would be a fun day at the zoo with his son. And there was always a chance that Remus’ crush might be there looking to spend time with him.

                                                                       ***

           Remus held Teddy against his hip as he made his way from the car park at the zoo. As he walked towards the front entrance he could see that familiar head of long dark hair, pulled up into a messy bun, and he felt his heartbeat speed up. He couldn’t believe that they were really here, holding little Harry’s hand. They had on a crop top with a leather jacket and leggings. They made Remus feel wholly underdressed in his jeans and jumper.

           Remus carefully approached and gave a small wave. “Hi, I’m Remus,” he introduced himself nervously. “And this is Teddy.”

           “Hi Teddy!” Harry said, waving excitedly.

           Sirius grinned at him. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you!” they said enthusiastically. “I was a little worried you wouldn’t show. I know my invitation was a little unconventional.”

           “No, it was wonderful,” Remus said, adjusting Teddy who has slid slightly down his hip. “I was a little surprised you responded to me.”

           Sirius’ smile widened. “Well your email was just so nice and sweet I couldn’t help it. Besides, it sounded like you could use some company, and well I don’t have too many people to hang out with besides Haz, so I figured we could both benefit. “

           Remus ducked his head and felt himself blush slightly. “Did I come off that pathetic in my email?”

           Sirius barked out a laugh. “Not at all,” they said, reaching out with their free hand and giving Remus’ arm a squeeze. “If you’re pathetic then I’m pathetic too.”

           “Just a couple of people with no friends,” Remus said, chuckling softly and trying not to freak out that Sirius had just touched him.

            “Can we go in, Pads?” Harry asked, tugging on Sirius’ jacket.

           “Of course Sprog!” Sirius said, gesturing towards the door. “Lead the way!”

           Teddy was squirming in Remus’ arms so he let his son down. Teddy immediately went over to Harry, curious about the older boy. Harry took Teddy’s hand and they began to walk together inside.

           “Are you going to hold my hand?” Sirius asked, holding their hand out and wiggling their fingers playfully.

           Remus felt his face get hot as he took Sirius’ hand. Sirius beamed at him approvingly and they went inside the zoo. Remus kept a close eye on Teddy as the zoo was fairly crowded. Harry was so good with Teddy, making sure not to walk too fast so Teddy could keep up. Teddy was a quiet kid and he watched Harry in fascination while Harry pointed things out to him.

           “You know, I was hoping you’d be cute,” Sirius said, giving Remus’ hand a squeeze.

           “Oh?” Remus inquired, raising an eyebrow at him. “Is that what I am?”

           “Extremely,” Sirius said, shooting Remus a wink.

           “Do you always say things like that?” Remus asked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

           Sirius shrugged. “Only if you like it,” they said, gently pressing against Remus for a moment. “If you don’t then I’ll stop.”

           “I like it,” Remus confessed, releasing Sirius’ hand in favor of putting his arm around their bare waist and holding onto them. “And I’m a little awed that I’m here with you right now.”

           Sirius beamed at Remus, their smile dazzling just like the rest of them. They slid their hand into the back pocket of Remus’ jeans as they pressed close to each other. They chatted quietly while keeping an eye on their kids. Remus told Sirius about Tonks and how it had resulted in Teddy. Sirius told Remus about James and Lily while getting a little sad when he spoke about the car crash that had taken them. For a fun trip to the zoo it seemed like some heavy topics of discussion. Remus felt comfortable around Sirius, which was surprising for how much he fancied them, but there was something about Sirius that put him at ease. Before Remus knew it they had looped around the zoo, making sure to see pretty much everything. Sirius had their phone out and documented a fair bit of their outing, after asking Remus if it was okay.

           By the end Teddy was tired of walking so Remus picked him up again, sad to be separated from Sirius. They stopped in the gift shop to get stuffed animals for the kids, an owl for Harry and a sloth for Teddy. While the kids picked out the animals they wanted, Sirius and Remus exchanged numbers. Remus wasn’t sure if it was to set up playdates for the kids of playdates for them. He hoped it at least was both. They were heading towards the exit and Remus wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye.

           Harry tugged on Remus’ jumper. “Remus, can you and Teddy come back to our house for ice cream?”

           Sirius snorted and put their hands on their hips. “And who said you’re getting ice cream, sprog?”

           Harry looked a bit sheepish. “Can they, Pads?”

           “It’s okay with me.”

           “You don’t have to do that,” Remus said quickly, not wanting to be an imposition no matter how badly he wanted to spend more time with Sirius.

           “Ice cream!” Teddy said, kicking his feet excitedly.

           “Well I guess that’s settled then,” Sirius said, smirking triumphantly. They grabbed their car keys out of their pocket. “I’ll text you the address. Race to our house!”

           “Yeah!” Harry shouted, running with Sirius towards their car.

           “Run daddy!’ Teddy yelled, tugging on Remus’ collar.

           Remus shook his head and walked at a brisk pace to the car. He strapped Teddy into his seat and felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He copied the address and put it into his GPS, knowing that there was no way they were going to beat Sirius and Harry there.

           As predicted, when they pulled up, Sirius’ car was already in the driveway. Sirius and Harry were just getting out and Harry was jumping up and down excitedly and waving to them as they pulled in behind Sirius’ car.

           The moment he released Teddy from his car seat, Teddy was off like a shot, chasing after Harry and following him inside. Remus put his hands in his pockets and walked up the driveway to join Sirius by their car.

           Sirius reached out and put a hand on Remus’ chest. “Before we go in, I’d really like to kiss you.”

           Remus ducked his head and smiled. “Why would you want that?”

           Sirius fisted their hand on Remus’ jumper and tugged him forward. “It’s difficult for me to find someone that I actually want to date. Either my gender is a problem or Harry is a problem. But we’ve been together for hours already and you haven’t misgendered me once and you don’t seem to mind the idea of Harry. You’re cute and sweet and you’re a good father. Why wouldn’t I want to kiss you?”

           Remus reached out and held Sirius by the hips. “I think you’re wonderful and Harry is wonderful. And if we want to kiss we better do it soon before our kids destroy your house.”

           Sirius laughed softly and they both leaned towards each other, their lips meeting in a brief, sweet kiss. Remus pulled back before it went too far and Sirius chased his lips. Remus gave them another quick kiss for a promise of more before sliding his arm around their waist and they walked inside together.

                                                           ***

           Remus got home from work and booted up his laptop. Teddy was with Tonks and it was Sirius’ posting day. Remus brought up his channel and pressed play on the video.

           “Hi everyone! So in my last video someone asked me about dating with a kid and while I wasn’t lying in that video, my answer has changed. I think the key to finding the right person is looking for someone that can respect you and your relationship with your child. I feel like I’ve found that person. I don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s all very new, but I felt like it was important that I amend what I’d said. Now here’s the four of us, Harry and I, my man and his son at the zoo. Warning that it is cute as hell. Enjoy!”

           Remus watched the video of them all together and it made him feel warm and happy all over to see the four of them together. Cute little clips of Harry and Teddy admiring the animals, pressing their little faces against the bars or glass. After ice cream, Harry and Teddy had both passed out from their long, exciting day. It had given Sirius and Remus a chance to snog, talk and decide what they wanted from each other. He clicked on the description and saw Sirius had mentioned him in it. As soon as he read it his face broke out into the widest smile.

           His name is Remus, he’s gorgeous and he’s mine.

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

James Dean and Daria

PART TWENTY-FIVE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: mentions of alcoholism, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 5.3K

Summary: Ella receives a book in the mail and attends an open house.

two years later

A Ramones song was stuck in her head, and Ella hummed along with its tune as she twirled around the diner. Her hair, freshly cut, was back in a black bandana. She blew her wispy curtain bangs away from the sides of her forehead as she served up lunch. Lane was on shift, and they bounced around together in sync. Working with her made everything a little sunnier. Lorelai had always said Ella and Lane were night and day, respectively. The thought of it made Ella smile as she joined her friend behind the counter again. Recently, Lane had been experimenting with contacts, and it was still jarring to see her without her trademark glasses.

They made a dynamic duo, as Luke was off to fix random bits and bobs at the Inn. With he and Lorelai engaged, he was over there doing repairs for free nearly half the time. During which time, especially in the afternoons, Ella was left to look after Luke’s daughter, April. To say she was shocked when Luke told her he had a twelve-year-old kid that some woman from his past had never told him about would’ve been an understatement. But soon, April was fitting into the groove of town. Ella was always glad to do homework with her (not that the brainiac ever needed help per se) or listen to the girl’s long-winded monologues about obscure scientific principles. Sometimes, Ella hardly believed Luke and April were related. The girl could talk for days without taking a breath if she had the chance. Watching April concentrate over her textbooks and scribble essays during the early dinner rush sometimes made Ella’s heart do a little, nostalgic twist. She was no longer the girl doing calculus at the corner table. To everything there was a season.

“‘I Wanna Be Sedated’?” Lane asked, breaking Ella out of her reverie.

Ella turned to Lane with a small smirk, arms crossing over her chest. Breathing out a sigh, she gave a nod. Things were finally slowing down, almost everyone with a plate in front of them. She had taken over the floor for the day. Lane’s wedding to Zach was only weeks away, and Lane was stressed enough as it was. Ella figured having Lane on register would at least be a decent method to avoid her passing out.

Lane narrowed her eyes and tilted her head at her friend. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

Shrugging, Ella turned to make a pot of coffee. “I don’t know. I’m a college graduate. Besides, is Ramones really good mood music?”

Lane scoffed. “For you? Definitely.”

“Just happy to have all this education, maybe,” Ella said.

Though it had been a whole five days since her graduation, she was still basking in the glow of it. She couldn’t believe she had managed to get through school in three years instead of four. It meant the upcoming summer would be her first real break from school since the summer after high school. During her last finals, she had been nearly ready to tear her hair out. Suffice it to say, it was time to stop studying for at least a little while.

“So, I guess we’ll be hearing about this summa cum laude thing forever, huh?” Lane teased.

Ella’s smile grew wider. “Forever is a strong word. ‘The foreseeable future’ would be more accurate.”

Lane rolled her eyes with a chuckle.

“And what’s got you all grumpy today? That’s my job. Did a Freaky Friday situation happen without my knowledge?” Ella asked.

Sighing heavily, Lane went back over to the register, seeing some customers finishing up their meals. “I told you my mom wants me to wear her wedding dress, right?”

Ella nodded.

“Well, she finally showed it to me. And it has pants!”

Biting the inside of her cheek, Ella swallowed down the laugh which threatened to leave her lips.

“I gave it to Lorelai. Hopefully something along the lines of salvageable will come of it,” Lane grumbled, adjusting her apron anxiously.

“Hey, Lorelai made that renaissance dress I wore to Liz’s wedding wearable. I’m sure she’ll work her magic,” Ella said, turning to see Luke return as the bell over the door jingled.

“We’ll see,” Lane said, sighing again as a young couple came up to the register, ready to pay for their patty melts.

As Luke approached, Ella saw he had the mail in his hands. He looked almost haggard, with dark circles under his eyes. She knew he and Lorelai had been having some problems, but didn’t know the details. It wouldn’t be surprising if the new daughter or the prolonged engagement had something to do with it, though. Since she and Rory had fallen out of touch, Ella saw Lorelai less and less. And it wasn’t like Luke was a chatterbox.

“Something came for you,” Luke said shortly, handing Ella a puffy orange envelope.

As soon as she took it, she could tell it was a book. Confusion painted her features; it wasn’t often she got mail addressed to Luke’s. She’d been living at Lane’s for almost two years. Furrowing her brows, she looked in the upper right corner and her face immediately fell when she saw the familiar, spiky handwriting. Clearing her throat, she plastered on a complacent expression.

“I’m gonna take a fifteen, okay?” she said, clutching the package tightly in her hands.

Luke nodded. “You alright?”

Ella smiled thinly. “Yeah. Just gotta take the smell of the stock room in as much as I possibly can. I’ve only got it until the end of July.”

Rolling his eyes, Luke shook his head. “I’m counting the seconds.”

“Hey, I could quit right now! Then where would you be?!” she exclaimed dramatically, a bit which never seemed to get old.

Luke grunted doubtfully. “Don’t tease.”

Smirking slightly, she finally turned on her heel and went back into the stock room. It was dim, piled high with boxes and cans. But there was the comforting smell of dust and pine, making her feel just a touch less queasy. Sitting on the lone table in the middle on the shelves, her legs dangling over the sides with boots heavy on her feet, Ella stared down at Jess’s writing for a moment. It only made sense he would send her something at the diner. He probably had no idea where she lived, if she was still even in Stars Hollow.

Her mind wandered to their last conversation, her night up on the plaid couch, crying. When Jess had called to tell Luke he was back in New York, Luke said Jess had told him to say hello to her. She’d told him to say hello back, a half-hearted message. And she was glad to know his trip had been safe. Glad he had apparently mended fences with Luke. But when she thought of actually speaking to him, hearing his voice, it made her feel sick with nerves. All she could see was his heartbroken expression when she had told him she wouldn’t come with him. Hear his pleading. Many times, she had pulled out the small slip of paper with his cell number written on it, had thought about reaching out. But, it simply hurt too much.

And she would have no idea where to begin. He had apologized. And she had rejected him. She didn’t regret it, didn’t feel bad about what she had said or done. But she knew there would be a shift between them. All the words they spoke would have a whispered ‘what if’ underneath. It seemed like too much to put him through. Jess probably wouldn’t like to hear her voice either, she thought. As angry as she had been before, she just couldn’t bear to hurt him anymore. It was more trouble than it was worth. So, each time Luke spoke with Jess, they exchanged fleeting greetings through him. It was impersonal, cold, but, they always knew the other was alive. The deal still stood, even after everything.

Running her finger along the address on the package, written in black permanent marker, Ella felt a storm of emotion brewing within her. Time and distance had been kind; when she thought of him, she didn’t think betrayal, she didn’t think resentment. Somehow, their final argument had cleansed her of those feelings. He had come back. She had never expected it. But, at least, he had come back for her, even if she didn’t exactly want it. Instead of anger, there was only sadness, for months. She had walked around with an aura of gloom. But then, life had gotten busier, and it faded.

Instead, as the pad of her finger curved over his name again and again, she thought of her books, filled with their writing to each other. She thought of his smirk, ever-present when she was around. And his brown eyes, guarded but so often kind. And his fears, shared only with her. And, above all, she thought of him telling her he loved her. With tears running down his cheeks, anxious hands raking through his hair.

Love. That word she had always scoffed at. While she still wasn’t one to utter it lightly, she had slowly come around. As the world moved around her, and she was finally away from her childhood home, she began to see it. Luke and Lorelai, mostly. She almost felt silly, having watched a love story unfold before her eyes in the diner for years and years. Perhaps as a teen, she had been too headstrong. Perhaps she had been unable to see how her own fears had stopped her from living the way she wanted to, a pattern she had been able to see so clearly in Lane and Jess. Without the constant reminder of her parents’ doomed union, she felt better each day. More open.

But still, she had no idea how to feel about Jess. Surely, he had moved on. She didn’t know where he was, what he was doing. Luke had only told her he was doing well. And she had never asked for details. No use in ripping open old wounds. But it seemed the ball wasn’t entirely in her court. Jess had made a move. Again. Biting at the inside of her cheek, she heaved a big sigh and ripped open the side of the package. Inside it, she found a book, as she expected.

But her breath caught as she ran her eyes over the black-and-white cover: The Subsect by Jess Mariano. Her heart skipped a beat in her chest and a grin came over her lips before she could stop it. She knew it was only a matter of time. He was a writer. He always had been. As she flipped open the inside cover, a slip of heavy, purple paper fell out. A crease formed between her brows as she took the paper in one hand, eyes gravitating to the words scribbled in pen on the novel’s second page.

Before she could begin the handwritten message, she looked to the dedication. A lump formed in her throat. For Eleanor, it read simply. Her hazel eyes shone with glassy tears, and the surreality of the moment hit her like a ton of bricks. Swallowing down the sob which threatened to escape, she turned to the inscription before she could get caught up in her emotions.

I wasn’t sure how to tell you about this. But I wanted to let you know somehow, considering it wouldn’t have happened without you. And writing in a book seemed like the best way, since it’s worked for us in the past. I included an invite to the Open House thing we’re having at Truncheon, the place which was stupid enough to publish this. You don’t have to come, and I don’t expect you to. But, in case you did want to come see what I couldn’t have done without you, you’re more than welcome.

-Jess

Chewing on her thumbnail, Ella picked up the purple invite and ran her eyes over the address. Philadelphia. She smirked at the coincidence. She could see him there. Always a city boy. And, though nerves coursed through her veins and butterflies flew around in her stomach, she knew immediately that she would soon be seeing the liberty bell.

.   .   .

Smoothing her hands over her dress, Ella took in a deep breath. Her battered blue station wagon was parked behind her on the street, and for a split second, she thought about running back to it. Driving all the way back up to Connecticut in a continuous three-hour stretch. But she knew there would be at least a few familiar faces inside Truncheon Books. Luke had offered to be a chaperone for some road trip with April’s school, and they, of course, were also invited to the open house. Initially, Luke had been wary of them both being away from the diner, but Ella assured him Lane and Caesar could handle it. And, of course, he would have to learn to deal without her by the end of the July. She and Lane would be even when Ella took all the shifts for the week of her and Zach’s honeymoon. Yes, Ella’s final week as a waitress at Luke’s was bound to be grueling.

Biting down on the inside of her cheek, Ella opened the door and entered the publishing house before she could talk herself out of it. The place was crowded, lots of people mingling at a table near the entrance and next to the coat rack. The green walls were lined with art, and the room was filled with warm, richly-toned wood. She hung her bag as her heart sat heavy in her chest. She hadn’t realized just how anxious walking into Jess’s new world was going to make her. A small smile formed on her face, though, as she scanned the crowd for Luke and April. When she didn’t instantly find them, she crossed her arms and walked toward the collection of photographs on a wall near the door. They showed visions of the city: an old newspaper stand, a rusty bike, a group of angry teenagers sat around a statue of Thomas Jefferson. She’d never been good with technology, including cameras, and she envied the photographer who could capture images like these.

Across the room, Jess spotted her. Her blonde waves fell down her back, just past her shoulder blades, shorter than he’d ever seen her hair. There was a tattoo on the back of one of her calves, and one on the inside of her left forearm. She was too far away though, and he couldn’t quite make out what they were. As expected, she was dressed only in blacks and greys, her dress checkered with the two colors. And, as expected, her all-black oxfords had no heel. Before he could stop it, a grin crossed his face, and his hand tightened around the half-empty beer bottle he was nursing. Never had he actually thought she would show up. But there she was. Matthew, who stood next to him on the stairs, instantly noticed his friend’s change in expression. He followed Jess’s eyes, and it dawned on him. Jess didn’t talk about the woman he’d dedicated The Subsect to a lot. But the blonde standing before the photography section fit the description Jess had spewed drunkenly on his last birthday almost perfectly.

Matthew raised knowing brows. “Is that her?”

“What?” Jess asked, blinking slightly as he looked away from her and turned back to the co-owner of his business.

Scoffing out a chuckle, Matthew shook his head. “That’s the girl, isn’t it? The one you wrote the book for.”

Breathing a big sigh, Jess took another sip of his drink and nodded slowly. “Is it that obvious?”

“Oh, yeah,” Matthew laughed, clapping Jess on the shoulder. “Now’s your chance.”

Jess snorted a bitter laugh, looking away from his friend and down at his shoes. “There’s no chance.”

Before Matthew could say anything more, Jess descended the final two stairs. Matthew was still chuckling behind him. No matter how much Chris and Matthew drove him up the wall sometimes, he would always be grateful. They’d published his book. They’d welcomed him into the company before it even existed, into the apartment upstairs. They’d become his family without him even noticing it. And he knew no matter how torn up he would be after speaking with Ella (and he knew he would be, at least a little), they’d get him through it. As they had gotten him through the heartbreak the first time, when he’d shown up on the doorstep of a company he’d heard about through some friends in New York, a company which didn’t even have a name, just some printing equipment. Tossing the empty beer in the recycle near the front refreshment table, Jess took another breath in. He could thank her for everything she’d done, then watch her leave without completely crumbling. Maybe if he was confident enough in himself, Jess thought, it would be so.

Walking up next to her, Jess bit down on his bottom lip and shoved his hands in the pockets of his blazer. His palms were sweaty.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Jess said, eyes on the photographs. Immediately, he regretted his words. How cliché could he possibly sound? Usually, the nerves didn’t affect his mouth. But not around Ella.

Though she startled on the inside, Ella didn’t visibly jump. Instead, she cracked a small smile. “And yet, here I am.”

“Didn’t expect to see you.”

“Well,” she said, shrugging, “I’m full of surprises.”

“Stealing my line, huh, Stevens?” he asked.

Still, they hadn’t turned to face each other.

“Funny, I didn’t know you had the trademark,” she quipped.

“Touché,” he said, feigning disappointment.

Smile growing, Ella finally turned to him. “Never thought I’d see Jess Mariano in a suit jacket.”

His hair was cut differently, parted and combed. Not as unkempt as it had once been. He had dark, shadowy stubble on his cheeks. Just as any brooding writer would. Underneath his black jacket, he wore a t-shirt with a black-and-white photo of  a little girl smoking a cigarette on a beach. Ella thought she recognized it from one of her art classes, but couldn’t quite place it.

Chuckling under his breath, Jess built up his courage and faced her. “Yeah, well, I guess corporate America finally got to me.”

“I don’t know. I think this place feels pretty counterculture,” she said, eyes flicking around the room again. “Might as well be in the Haight-Ashbury.”

“Coming from you, I feel like that’s meant to be an insult,” he said.

“Trust me, it’s not,” Ella replied, with more sincerity than he was prepared for. Before he could interject with some deflection, she continued on. “I mean...this place. It really feels like you. And the book. It was...fuck, Jess, you’re really too smart for your own good.”

He shook his head, blushing and refusing to meet her gaze. Ella Stevens was still the only person who made him blush nearly every time he spoke to her. “I don’t know. If I could do it again, everything would be different.”

Ella scoffed. “C’mon, Mariano, you and I both know how amazing it is.”

“Whatever you say, Stevens,” he said shyly.

“I’ll keep complimenting you until you accept that you’re a kickass author, who I can definitely tell has a beatnik fetish,” she warned, mock severity crossing her features.

Jess rolled his eyes. “Fine. Thank you, Eleanor.”

“You’re so very welcome,” she replied, eyes alight with a teasing, mischievous glint. But, underneath, Jess could tell how genuine she really was. It made his heart ache for her.

After a moment of awkward pause, charged air, Jess pointed a thumb over his shoulder to the table with the refreshments. “You want a beer?”

Ella shook her head. “No thanks. I don’t really drink.”

“Hm,” Jess hummed, eyes narrowing just a touch. The way she’d said it, he could tell there was more. He knew why she didn’t drink. He remembered her father smelling of liquor on Thanksgiving day. And he remembered how upset she’d been the morning after she stole her father’s tequila. Nostalgia washed over him in a wave, and he was relieved when she took the initiative and spoke again.

“And,” she said, gaining a lighter tone once again, “I’m not of legal age yet, anyway.”

“Oh, well, I certainly couldn’t break the law,” Jess said with a furrowed brow. He was always forgetting he was ten months her senior. She had always seemed older.

“Right,” she said, nodding along, “you wouldn’t dream of it.”

Again, an uncomfortable pause began. It made Ella want to grimace. Things had never been so awkward with the two of them, not even when they’d first met. It had always been easy, without the world complicating things for them. Her eyes did another quick sweep of the room.

“Have you seen Luke and April?” she asked.

Jess nodded. “Yeah, you just missed them. They had to get back to the field trip, I think.”

Ella nodded back in acknowledgement, though she immediately felt her heartbeat quicken. The idea of Luke and April being there as a kind of safety net was half the reason she’d been brave enough to come. But, she’d had a morning shift at the diner, and the traffic had made it so she had shown up only twenty minutes before the end of the open house. All of a sudden, she felt silly for thinking they would still be there. Silly for showing up at all. In the note, he’d said she wasn’t obligated at all. Why had she come again? At the moment, the panicked thoughts were too loud for her to focus on anything else.

“But Luke was here long enough to complain about all the abstract paintings and the spoken word performances,” Jess continued, noticing Ella try to grab for a necklace she wasn’t wearing, and instead fiddle with a lock of her hair. In all the time he had known her, he had never once seen her without the key hanging from her neck. Not even in bed. But he knew better than to ask about it.

Ella’s smile returned, though it was not altogether convincing. “Sounds like him. I think one of the few areas of agreement between the two of you is a natural aversion to poetry.”

Jess shrugged. “I don’t know. I might finally be coming around.” Then, he saw Chris approaching, and felt himself relax. Someone else to act as a buffer. He wasn’t quite ready for the words creeping up his throat, begging to get out. “But, my friend Chris is the real poetry guy. He hires all the acts.”

He gestured for Chris to come over. Ella raised her eyebrows at the man, tall and blonde and grinning widely. A hyper energy practically radiated off of him. She could tell why he was the one on the business end of things.

“Chris, this is Eleanor,” Jess said. “She’s an old friend.”

“Hey.” She extended her hand. “You can call me Ella.”

Somehow, Chris’s smile grew larger as they shook hands. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” she replied amiably, as their hands broke from each other.

“You have a very firm handshake,” Chris commented, towering over her. Jess was tall, but this guy made Ella feel like a Polly Pocket figurine.

She snorted a chuckle. “Um, thanks. Guess those steroids are really paying off.”

Jess smirked. Sometimes, he thought Chris was to him as Lane was to Ella. Chris laughed, tickled at her wicked humor, as he called it, but soon his expression grew earnest again.

“Well, it’s good to finally put a face on the famous Eleanor,” Chris said.

“I’m famous?” Ella asked, titing a teasing nod at Jess, who blushed but didn’t have time to explain before Chris cut in again.

“Anyway, I just wanted to let you know the magazine interview went alright. I’m gonna go catch up with the beat poet and make sure everything’s squared away,” Chris told Jess.

Nodding, Jess glared slightly at his friend, unable to hide his irritation. Chris said once again how nice it was to meet Ella before disappearing back into the central swarm of people, though it was slowly dissipating. The afternoon light outside was slowly morphing from bright to dusky. Evening would soon fall.

Smirking, Ella faced Jess again. He made a pointed effort to avoid her gaze, panic rising up in his throat.

“What is it, Stevens?” he asked, sighing slightly.

She cleared her throat, biting on her bottom lip for a moment. “Nothing. Just didn’t realize I was famous around here.”

He rolled his eyes, embarrassed. “Well, I did dedicate my book to you.”

For whatever reason, the comment caught her off-guard. They both knew he had dedicated it to her. But, she couldn’t help but think about how before, Jess would have never been able to admit such a gesture out loud. Hell, at seventeen Jess couldn’t even admit fixing the toaster in the diner for Luke.

“Yeah,” she said slowly, searching for a witty remark but coming up empty. “Yeah, you did, James Dean.”

He faltered for just a moment. She had come, she had called him James Dean. It was confusing, but nonetheless, wonderful. Still, he knew there was no use in getting his hopes up. He would never have her again, he reminded himself. Furrowing her brows, Ella watched his expression fade from a smirk to a small, sad smile. Jess ran a hand over his mouth and tossed an anxious glance over his shoulder before taking a big breath in and blowing it out through his nose.

“Are you nervous?” she asked suddenly, face softening.

Jess nodded self-consciously.

“You don’t have to be, Jess. It’s just me,” she shrugged, gesturing down at herself humbly.

Regaining a touch of composure, Jess raised his eyebrows. “I don’t know. You’ve got bangs and tattoos. New shoes. Doesn’t look quite like my Daria.”

Ella broke into a full grin, and a warmth swelled in her chest like she hadn’t felt in such a long time. Something shifted within her. For a moment, she worried her eyes would fill with tears. But, instead, she only uttered a breathy chuckle. “Don’t worry. I think I’ll always be your Daria.”

Swallowing thickly, Jess echoed her laugh. Then, he looked over his shoulder again, only partly because he wanted to hide his face. He couldn’t risk her seeing hope flash across his expression. “Can I show you something?”

“Sure,” she said, nodding.

Gently, he grabbed her hand and led her through the crowd of young creatives. The room smelled like weathered books and hot ink. An eclectic variety of bohemian rugs covered the blue tile floor. Maybe it was a little more colorful than she would have initially guessed, but Jess truly looked like he belonged there. People waved and nodded greetings at him as they passed, Jess reciprocating shyly each time. It was refreshing. She had never seen him so in his element before. Something about the way he held himself, confident and relaxed. His hand was warm and familiar.

Eventually, they made it to the far wall, near the staircase and next to the small stage area. A few people sat around on the cushions and beanbags, drinking their beers and writing in small moleskine notebooks. She wanted to snort and roll her eyes at them, but she was simply too happy. The anxiety which had been so nauseating as she hesitated at the door was almost completely forgotten. Because Jess was excited to see her. He had taken her hand. When he disentangled their fingers, he gestured to the wall, with a collection of small frames.

As her eyes roamed over the framed sketches, it took her only a moment to recognize them. They were hers. Nine pictures, all those she’d given to Jess over the years. Jess’s car with skeletons in the seats, a screaming woman, a garden filled with snakes. Others she’d handed him in shining moments, lying together in bed, on shift at the diner, sitting in the gazebo with her head on his shoulder. And, in the center, the Hudson River. Drawn on Mother’s Day four years earlier, as they sat together on a dirty hill and escaped reality for just one day.

Before she could hold them back, tears stung her hazel eyes. Beside the arrangement of drawings, she saw a small, printed index card stuck to the wall.

Eleanor Stevens

Nine Untitled Sketches

Not For Sale

She breathed out a flabbergasted scoff, the ghost of a smile on her lips when she turned back to Jess. He smirked fondly at the look of pleasant surprise on her face. For a fleeting moment, she looked younger. Innocent in a way she so rarely was, shocked and alive. He missed that look, but hardly realized until he saw it again.

“Jess, I…” she said breathlessly, shaking her head in disbelief and facing the sketches again. Eventually, she gathered herself and found her words. “I had no idea you saved these.”

“Of course I did,” he said, shrugging as though it were obvious. “I knew they’d be worth millions someday.”

She snorted a laugh. “Not likely.”

“I’m serious, Stevens. People have been asking about these. But I didn’t want to set a price on them or anything, since I didn’t have your input,” Jess explained, eyes on her as she stared at her own past work.

Ella felt as though she might explode, almost too moved to bear. She sniffed and blinked harshly, unwilling to let the tears actually spill over, especially in public. Her hands were shaking at her sides, and she began wringing them together in front of her.

A few astonished giggles escaped her, and she shook her head a final time before she looked back at Jess. He had grown up, and so had she. But as she locked eyes with him, she felt seventeen again, could practically hear the Interpol song playing in her head. The urge to kiss him came over her, made her skin feel tingly and electric. She swallowed harshly, letting the thoughts fade in her mind. As if he had waited all this time for her. He would surely have a girlfriend. Someone who actually liked Hemingway, who could dance, who didn’t have a sailor’s mouth and a broken family.

“I don’t know what to say.” She fought the urge to bite at her nails.

Jess laughed quietly. “I didn’t think that was possible.”

She rolled her eyes at his teasing half-heartedly.

“You don’t have to say anything. I was the one who wanted to say thank you. For everything. I couldn’t have done any of this if I hadn’t met you,” he told her. Jess surprised even himself by being able to maintain eye contact with her.

“You definitely could have,” Ella said resolutely.

He smirked. “No use in arguing with you, I know. So we can agree to disagree but…”

Pausing, Jess sighed and ran a hand over his mouth again. He glanced behind him, and could see Chris and Matthew pretending they hadn’t been staring at the exchange as they bid people goodbye. There were only a few others left milling around. Jess still almost couldn’t believe Ella was standing right in front of him. For two years, he’d imagined what he would say. But, as usual, the sight of her was staggering. Her hazel gaze pierced his scarred heart and immediately all the scripts he’d written disappeared from his head.

“Look, do you...we’re going out for drinks after. Me and Chris and Matthew, the other guy we own this place with. I know drinking isn’t your thing, though I wasn’t planning on getting wasted anyway, and I don’t know when you have to go back but...do you wanna come? We can catch up?” he asked, hesitant.

Her small smile spread to a grin, and the dimple shone in her freckled cheek. “Sure, Mariano. I’d love to.”

[jswdmb1]

I Wanna Be Sedated

“Hurry, hurry, hurry 

before I go insane

Can't control my fingers, 

can't control my brain”

- The Ramones

All of our resources have been focused on two things: keeping people alive and keeping the economy afloat.  It is hard to argue the prioritization of those two areas and it is understandable that there are not resources beyond what we have already marshalled to focus on anything further down the list.  But I worry that we are just burying another landmine in the ground that we’ll be stepping on sooner than later if we forget about it.  I am talking about the complete and brutal destruction of our mental health both collectively and individually.

 Before I go further, I must repeat that I completely support the efforts of social shutdown and shelter in place that are currently in effect.  It is literally the only tool we have to fight this pandemic as our leaders (most specifically the president) mocked its potential wrath when more could have been done to prepare and now we are boxed into a corner.  Experts warned long before this man even got nominated by his party that he was unfit for this office and an existential threat to our way of life.  It was just a matter of time before his vulgarity, stupidity and incompetence manifested into real pain and destruction, and that time is now.  I bring this up before delving into my primary subject because I still see polls and news reports that show there is a large percentage of people who still think there is overreaction to the crisis and that the president is doing a good job handling it.  If you believe either of those things, please stop reading now because you do not have the intellectual capacity to grasp what I am going to say.

 Now that we have established how we got here and who is responsible, the real question that everyone has on their minds is what is next.  We have been told to shelter-in-place for the foreseeable future and been given no further instructions.  The economic bill passed yesterday is the equivalent of treating a gunshot wound with a band-aid, and will be of little use as a real solution to the financial devastation that most people will experience long after those checks run out.  This combination has made it increasingly hard to keep strong mentally as the massive uncertainty weighs on our minds literally every hour of the day.  For a few days, we found some solace in things like getting outside, but now that is being quashed as acceptable.  We are pretty much under a house arrest with no defined sentence and we are being punished for no crime we ever committed.  Even a prisoner gets access to basic services such as counseling and religious freedoms, but not those of us at home.  In war, there is something known as collateral damage, and our civil liberties are fitting that description for the current crisis.  On top of all of that, the weather in my part of the country has been miserable.  It all adds up to one very grim picture.

 Some of you may not like that I am painting such a picture, but that to me contributes to our mental health crisis in the same way that putting our heads in the sand about the virus got us to where we stand today.  I am not alone in feelings of anxiety or depression, but it’s well known I have had both long before the virus hit our shores.  I feel it gives me a little bit of a perspective on this issue and why I see it a potentially more damaging long-term than anything we are experiencing today.  What I can tell you from experience is that it is not possible to work through profound feelings of depression by “just being positive”.  The two worst things you can tell a depressed person is that they have to remain positive and they need to work themselves out of their mood. That is akin to telling someone who is drowning that they need to come up for air and should go look for a lifejacket when they do.  Yet, all I see on social media and the news is that this is the “new normal” and “we’ll get through this”.  What are you talking about?  There is nothing normal about this at all.  Why on earth would anyone accept it as such?  And, how do you know that we’ll get through this?  What are you basing that on?  Have you been through a deadly pandemic before?  Have you sat under quarantine for weeks that will soon turn into months?  It literally grates on my nerves to hear such things as good tools to use to “get us out of our funk”.

 So, that begs the question about what do we do?  I will not pretend to have any real answers and certainly there is no quick fix.  But first, we all have to acknowledge that this problem exists, and it is at least on par with the other aspects of this crisis. And don’t say that it isn’t life-or-death because it is.  I predict in a matter of weeks, not months, that you will see a morbidly sharp increase in the suicide rate.  This is also incredibly damaging to the efforts of those trying to recover from addiction diseases, and many will not only succumb to their addictions without a support system to help them, but they will die as a result of this.  And the casualties are not limited to those who don’t make it.  The deep psychological scars left on the rest of us that manage to get through this will not heal without significant intervention.  I am particularly worried about our teens and young adults who were already not in a good place and I think are suffering more than most when it comes to the social isolation steps being implemented.  We all need to acknowledge that we are experiencing acute mental trauma and we cannot simply accept that as “normal”.

 If you cannot accept this as fact, then there is not much more I can do to help you.  You are going to suffer a similar fate as those who don’t believe we are in the middle of a deadly pandemic in the first place.  But if you are willing to accept that your mental health is (or will be) destroyed as a result of this, there are a couple of things that I have learned over the years that can help you cope:

 Depression, pain and anxiety are normal feelings and you should not feel guilty for feeling them.  By all means do not suppress those feelings as they fester without an outlet.  Also be aware that those around you will have these feelings as well and don’t shame them for not being “positive” or “constructive” for expressing them.  It is going to take a lot of patience along with some give and take to work with each other on this, but if we deny ourselves or others the freedom to express these emotions, we can’t even get started with healing.

Recognize that while many tools have been taken way from us that usually can be a big help, many others are still available.  We have to just be more creative and look for other doors that may be open when others have been shut.  One of my main outlets has been a group running program where I coach, and that is now gone in its old form.  But we are working hard to still get out and run (solo and never congregating) and support each other virtually.  It is not perfect, but it would be wrong to dismiss the sense of community we have built over the years because it is still alive and well no matter how far apart we are kept.  It may even be stronger when we eventually can see each other again.  That is just one example.  I recommend you take whatever you had before and look for ways to retool and still use that as something you can have that is a positive force in your life.  It could be that you have that taken away at some point, but then go back and retool it again.  If GM can retool its operations from cars to ventilators, we can certainly do the same on our micro levels.

Avoid using alcohol and drugs as a crutch.  I can tell you from direct experience that this is just about the worst way to deal with depression.  I am not saying you cannot enjoy a drink now and then, but I have already seen anecdotal evidence in some of my interactions on social media and elsewhere that this is not the case.  I know that I sound preachy here, but I’m just trying to help as I’m sure many of you may have not experienced profound depression like this before.  There is no doubt that the drink or drug of your choice feels good for a little bit and may even help you forget, but it is an incredibly slippery slope.  

For those who have committed to sobriety before this all went down, please hold onto that. It may be the only thing you have left that they can’t take away, and it is too valuable to give up so easily.  I know it is hard, the thought of heading down to the liquor store (which incredibly is still open and considered “essential”) has passed through my head more than once, but you have to let that feeling pass.  You know better than I that what I say in the preceding paragraph is true and heading off the path to sobriety will be a disaster.  I have heard that support groups are still meeting (as they have also been deemed essential) so consider a way to attend those (even virtually) if you are struggling with temptation.  If you have no such support mechanism, contact me directly through FaceBook Messenger. I am always willing to talk to someone who needs to work though a moment of crisis.  It’s a ridiculously impossible situation, but there is no other choice to hold on.

 I know that I sound like I am on a soapbox here, but that is not my intent.  This is more of a plea to everyone out there not to forget that mental health is a critical component of living and bodies free of disease are useless if our brains can’t function within them.  Please just remember that as you deal with the people in your house and those you interact with virtually.  While you may think you have the right answer in telling people to stay happy and chipper during a dark time, that is not how everyone feels and it could be damaging to their mental health if you ignore the danger signs they are presenting.  My guess is that anyone who has gone this far into reading this already knows that, but it is going to take some reminding for even the most empathetic and caring person among us.  Starting now can hopefully get ahead of issues that are already taking root so that we can move forward much more quickly with “normal” life if such a thing ever exists again.

 In the meantime, I sincerely hope that this finds you healthy and safe and that you are coping with the mental aspects of the situation better than me.  One outlet I have is this blog, and I have thought about suspending it during the crisis because I don’t have anything to say that people want to hear.  After writing this post, I realize now that would be the easy way out, and at the risk of being unpopular, I can not give up the fight to protect the most important organ in our bodies – our brain.  So, I’ll keep on keepin’ on, but just remember that I really am trying to help. I don’t want anyone to end up in a place that they can’t leave.  We’ve come too far to let that happen.

 Please take care everybody,

Jim

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

Safe house Singalongs

MJ discovers Peter is a giddy lil night owl/songbird when she spends the night at their safe house.

Follow up to Safe house, and yes this is my entry for domestic!spideychelle for week 4 hehehe. hope yalls have fun reading this. it took so goddamn long haha

So MJ spends one of her school nights at a safe house, big deal. She’s done it before, granted they were just friends/acquaintances back then, and it was at their apartment, not a safe house, but still it wasn’t that big of a deal. In retrospect, it’s actually surprising it didn’t happen sooner.

After they all had dinner together, MJ insisted that they clean up so May could get some early shut eye. So Peter and MJ tag teamed clean up duty; Peter wiped while MJ washed. Peter, never one to settle for comfortable silences lately when all he ever has for most of the time is silence in this godforsaken safe house (listening to music alone was just boring and kinda lonely, Peter found), insists that music plays while they do their respective tasks. So MJ lets Peter play his spotify playlist, and she didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal.

She had never been more wrong in her life.

MJ was busy soaping up a couple of plates when an electric guitar riff starts playing from the speakers in the living room, and MJ hears Peter say an upbeat little “Oh yeaahhhhh.”

Peter is now head banging and skipping his way back to the kitchen to the beat of I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones.

“TWENTY TWENTYTWENTY FOUR HOURS TO GOOOOOO” Peter whisper shout sings to MJ, making a point to sing it to her as close to her head as possible. MJ merely awkwardly smiles and nods in response.

“I wanna be sedated,” sings Peter to MJ lastly, before he grabs the dish rag he was using to wipe earlier and brings his attention back to what he was doing before he decided to have a one person concert in the inside of a safehouse.

“Nothing to do, nowhere to go hooowwooohooommeee. I wanna be sedated.” Peter was now just merely waving his head back and forth and singing along while wiping the dishes MJ had finished washing.

Until Peter apparently decides this verse deserved to be danced and jumped to energetically, so he leaves the dishes he literally just got back to.

He points to MJ, dish rag in hand, “I can’t control my weakness, I can’t control my brain”

“OH NO NONONO NOOOOOO” and Peter just jumps around for a while to the instrumental part.

MJ doesn’t know if Peter was just feeling particularly giddy because she was here, or if he was just a happy energetic little night owl, but MJ simply chuckles and shakes her head incredulously as she continued to wash the dishes, trying to keep the smile of adoration on her face in check, because Peter Parker was apparently one of those types of people that sang along to songs when he was feeling particularly chipper. It was adorable as fuck.

The song plays along while they finally just continued their very menial tasks, with Peter just cheekily humming and singing along while MJ just awkwardly nods in agreement when Peter expectantly looks at her.

“Come on, MJ, sing with me. It’s fun,” Peter says bumping her hip with his because both of their hands were busy with their respective chores.

“With all due respect, Peter, I would rather drink this sink water than actually waste air from my lungs just to sing along to some random pop song. It just isn’t my thing,” MJ replies, casually shrugging and just staying focused on finishing all the dishes (she was on the utensils now).

“Oh come on, MJ, you’re telling me you’ve never sang along to some tune on the radio? Hummed and crooned to your jam as you’re on your commute or walk home?” Peter asks, putting his chore on pause yet again.

“Nope” MJ promptly quips back, proudly smiling, as she popped her p, still laser focused on them dishes.

“Not even in the shower where you think no one can hear you so you’re just free to belt your heart out?” Peter asks seriously now, his arms crossed and eyebrows arched.

“What can I say? I’m a very task focused person, Parker. I listen to the radio for news and those stations that talk about their listeners’ struggles and issues sometimes, I try to get home as quick as I can, and I just focus on making sure I get myself fully clean when I’m in the shower,” MJ says with a hint of pride in her voice, appreciating just how responsible she is.

“Unlike some of us-” MJ blatantly glares at Peter and at the stack of dishes MJ had finished washing and left for Peter to dry“who’s so busy having their own private mini concert, they neglect their own tasks,” MJ says holding a bunch of clean wet utensils on her hands and shaking them in front of Peter with a playful grin on her face, getting him wet which led him to say “Hey!” which just made her cackle and incited her to shake the wet utensils in front of him some more, but luckily, Peter manages to dodge her water attacks and just smugly smiles at her, to which MJ merely responds by shaking her head incredulously and holding her utensils-holding hands up in defeat.

MJ drops said utensils in front of Peter along with the pile of other wet clean dishes he’s yet to dry and says “Kay, Parker, I’m done. Have fun singing along to your secret coded messages ingrained pop songs while I am gonna catch some Zzs. Night.”

MJ gives Peter a quick peck on the cheek, playfully winks and finger guns him before turning around and heading to his room and closing the door.

“Are you telling me the Ramones are part of the Illuminati too??” Peter asks across to the closed door of his room.

“MJ???”

There’s no reply.

Peter glances to the kitchen at the pile of dishes he’s yet to dry and silently curses “Damn it.”

If MJ’s being honest, she wasn’t really all that tired yet, she really just went to Peter’s room to change into sleeping clothes and was probably going to go right back out there soon to maybe watch a movie or a couple of episodes of something with Peter. She just wanted to mess with him a little. But also because a giddy Peter Parker was too cute for her to handle and she needed a minute to calm down and get herself together.

MJ had just finished changing into a borrowed science pun shirt and some sweat pants when she heard the upbeat melody of Happy Together by the Turtles playing just outside the living room.

Peter Parker thought he was freaking hilarious sometimes. MJ just shook her head at her boyfriend’s sense of comedic irony; she leaves him for five minutes then plays this goddamn song. MJ chuckles to herself in exasperation. Why she found this idiot attractive, she could not freaking tell you at the moment.

Peter had now apparently finished the dishes and was now chore free to sing his heart out. MJ leaves the room just as the chorus plays.

“I CAN’T SEE ME LOVING NOBODY BUT YOU-” Peter points at MJ who was now leaning against the door’s frame, desperately trying to keep her amused grin from showing, “FOR ALL MY LIIIFFEEE”

“Are you satisfied with yourself?” MJ asks Peter, with her arms crossed and a semi frustrated smile on her face.

To which Peter doesn’t reply at all and just continues singing “WHEN YOU’RE WITH ME, BABY, THE SKIES WILL BE BLUE���

“I knew I shouldn’t have let you watch the Umbrella Academy,” MJ says shaking her head, then looking up at the sky,  in sarcastic over the top exasperation.

Peter was still in his own world, singing and dancing to the song when alright MJ decided enough was enough.

Suffice it to say, making out with MJ on the living room couch as the song ends with the Papapapaaa probably would have been the only thing that could have shut up a happy night owl singing Peter Parker.

~end~

HAAAA omg i wonder if that felt incomplete. because seriously this was just supposed to be like a small part of something else that i tweaked to end there cus i couldnt finish that other idea yet hahahaha

HAPPY WEEK 4, EVERYBODY!!! :D how’s hiding in the spideychelle bubble suiting yalls? cus it’s suiting me just fine hahahaha

i hope i did the domestic!spideychelle prompt justice hehehe. here’s for the rest of week 4, thanks once again to @tare8chan for helping me right this thing hahaha. and toot toot on the spideychelle train yalls whoohoo toot toot