#the premise sounds so incredibly fake

[st-just]

You know what cartoon from my childhood I am actually surprised there isn't some massive groundswell of monetized nostalgia for yet? Jackie Chan Adventures. That show was amazing. Right down to realizing like four seasons in that they should probably come up with an explanation why all these evil ancient Chinese wizards/dragons/wizard-dragons go-to minions were ninjas.

[andcars]

ㅤ [ 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗥 𝗕𝗔𝗕𝗬 ]

premise. if you were a better woman, you wouldn't be sleeping with your husband's driver. it's just that there's something about a broken marriage and an overeager young man to fuck you

tags #ㅤfranco colapinto/female reader, infidelity, porn with little plot, mentions of gambling addiction, younger franco colapinto, older reader wc #ㅤ 1k

ㅤㅤFEEL FREE TO INBOX ME FOR THOUGHTS OR REQUESTS !

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You tell yourself over and over again that it would be the last time. Over and over again, you find yourself in the arms of Franco Colapinto. It would be damn near guilt wrecking if not for your own husband being determined to waste his millions in gambling to even notice your sullen heart. If he wasn’t so blinded by his own greed, maybe you would forgive him. Maybe you would feel a single ounce of guilt if he didn’t piss you off. Every second more into your marriage, it’s like he forgets that he ever married you to begin with. The only thing you are to him is a bed warmer. The bed has been cold for months.

Franco is… something. He’s younger, athletic—the fucking Formula 1 driver under your husband’s team. He’s the driver he favours among his current and even old ones. Fucking him almost felt like a big fuck you to your husband. You don’t really care. When you’re in the garage, Franco talks to you more than your husband. He’s eyeing you from the other side, distracted by your presence as his engineer explains to him whatever it is that they need to explain. The sport never really had a big impact on you before, you only had to fake it for the marriage. There are no faux smiles or excitement this time.

He approaches you, mischief in his eyes. “Who are you here to support,” he asks, looking around as he whispers into your ears, “your husband or me?” The scoff you let out is a bit too loud. It’s like the man doesn’t have censorship. The flirt radiating off of him blinds his other great features as a driver. 

“Go race, boy,” you tell him. He’s not so annoyed at the nickname, but he's more amused by your names. “It’d make my partner very, very happy if you were to get a win today.” As if on cue, your husband calls him over. He glances at you briefly but looks as if he thinks nothing of it. It’s just Franco talking to his wife, nothing suspicious at all. The man is a mouse that continues to think that its cheese is safe to consume. A rat. Starving, greedy, and blind.

Later that night, it’s not your husband’s hotel room you enter. Your heart raced as Franco’s strong hands gripped your hips, pulling you flush against his sweat-slicked body. Beneath you, his hotel bed creaks as he has you once more in his bed. Each powerful thrust sent waves of pleasure rippling through you, your breath hitching in your throat. His lips, soft and insistent, trailed along your jawline.

"Mmm, you feel incredible," he murmured a sensual purr that resonated. You can’t shake off the feeling of his embrace. There’s something more to it. There’s heat that builds between the two of you, something all-consuming. His fingers danced along your skin. You arched into his touch, craving more, always wanting more of him. Never have you been able to say no to his touch. Thinking a little bit, you compare this addiction to your husband’s.

Your hands, in turn, explored the hard planes of his chest, revelling in the way his arms flexed beneath your fingertips. His skin was hot. Rhythmic pounding of his heart alongside your own. It’s in time with the few grunts he lets out, enjoying the ecstasy of your cunt sucking him in. His eyes are half open, unfocused and completely lost in the feeling of you. You can feel it in the harsh thrusts, the chase in his hips and the grip of his hands.

"Fuck, that’s so good, baby" you breathed. He chuckled, a low, seductive sound that sent shivers down your spine. The hands move from your hips and down to your thighs—pulling it up as it gives him a new angle to work with. The suddenness makes you let out a gasp, feeling his balls draw up to your ass with each deep thrust inside of you. It gets you shaking. You can feel heat spread inside of you, the wet slickness of your pussy makes adding to both of your arousal.

Words in his mouth turn foreign. It sounds like a curse. He moves slower, determined to get as deep as possible with the new position. You’re completely trapped under him. Franco pushes against your body, warmth radiating off of him. You couldn't deny it. You were loving every second of it, drowning in the sensation, the passion, the raw, unbridled lust that consumed you both. Your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging lightly, urging him closer, deeper. Nothing else mattered.

He takes his time with you. Letting the both of you enjoy the debauchery and infidelity. Franco groans, nearing his orgasm as he grinds deeper and deeper into you. The thrusts gain pace, getting greedy. Your own hand reaches down, matching the pace to your clit as you moan. It’s almost electrifying. He lets the pace return as his body taints yours, continuing to fuck you despite the positions the both of you are in. After a few more thrusts, he cums inside the condom and lets you finish your orgasm with a drawn-out moan.

Over and over again, you tell yourself that this will finally end. Franco pulls out, cleaning himself up before he turns to you. The kiss he places on your head is almost familiar. Almost. The little spark and the tightness of your heart remind you of older times. It’s heartbreaking. He tells you, “Come on, amor. Clean-up time. You always make me do the work.” He’s teasing. You can’t help but yearn for something more from his words.This isn’t the time to end it, you think. Franco is allowed to do anything with your body; fuck it, kiss it, clean it, worship it. You think that divorce papers are too much of a hassle, despite your husband having never thought of a prenup in the first place. When you get his money, you think of attending a Formula 1 race on your own accord. This time, you can answer Franco’s question—who are you here to support?

@delululeclerc @hiireadstuff @bicchaan @fallingforpvris @rtorresblog @Tribbisweetdear @Jamie2305

FOOTNOTE ────── idk why but franco is def an older woman type of person. am I wrong?? am I hallucinatin?? anyways. HE'S BAAAAACK. I smell a mid season switch if I'm being honest <3 but ily jack doohan no matter what happens. it's just that.... dude, it's franco. I am hoping doohan does well tho.

[hunnylagoon]

When I Was Your Girl

Stage Fright

Rockstar! Ellie Williams x pop star! Reader

‘Fame is a poison most would drink happily despite the warning of a slow and painful death’

Premise: You and fell in love as nobodies and fell out of love in the limelight. Now you are forced to deal with ghosts who haunt you like a melody.

Warnings: small mentions of drinking and drugs / wee bit of violence / Ellie is a dick

Fake albums mentioned: Solstice / Smokey Eyes

I've never been anything more than a joke.

I'm so childish they took it for maturity, and I'm so serious they took it for silly.

Even since I began my career, I was spotted at eighteen by a skeezy producer when I sold myself at a strip club to make ends meet, because dreaming never paid the bills. I wish that I had been found somewhere else, maybe one of the restaurants I sang at on karaoke nights or the park where I poured my soul into art through my uncle’s old acoustic guitar. 

"How are you feeling right now?" A tanned woman with slick back hair shoves a microphone into my face while an emotionless man holds the camera. "I mean, seven years in the industry and you've just received your first Grammy nominations."

"I'm feeling kind of freaked out, to be honest," I face the woman with a sheepish smile on my face, trying the best I can not to look at the large camera lurking beside me.

"Rightfully," Her teeth are so white that they almost blind me and I get distracted by myself as I try to figure out whether they are veneers or not. "Do you think you'll be bringing any hardware home tonight?"

She moves the microphone back to my face and I flinch out of instinct, we both laugh for the camera but I can tell she's annoyed "Honestly, I'm just happy to be here, as corny as it sounds it is such an honour to be around so many incredible artists."

"So humble," She smiles then turns to the camera to address the viewers "I think we all know she's gonna be sleeping tonight with a golden gramophone under her pillow," She forces a laugh, trying to capture the raw essence of this overly manufactured moment. The interviewer turns back to me "Now, I know this isn't your first rodeo, is there anyone here you aren't looking forward to seeing, you don't have to name any names."

Fuck I hate these bloodsuckers. She is so obviously trying to milk my broken engagement which was still very much fresh. I uphold my false smile though and shake my head "Nope, if anything I think I'm looking forward to some mingling,"

She looks irritated, covering it up only by a close-lipped smile. "Well, then I'll let you get on with that."

I give her a curt wave and continue my way down the red carpet, maneuvering through other celebrities, we all have common ground, we are blinded by the flashing lights. I try my best to avoid any more journalists but I see Abby Anderson speaking to one and sneak up behind her, tapping her on the shoulder.

She turns around and greets me with a huge smile "I was wondering when I was gonna see you," Abby smiles and slings an arm around my shoulders looking to the journalist while I glance at the camera "I'm telling you, this girl needs to clear some space out on her trophy shelf."

I grin at her, genuinely. Abby had always been kind to me, we first met when I was nineteen and the both of us signed up for Atlantic Records. "She's just being nice," I say.

"And she's just being humble!" Abby squeezes me, it's a simple gesture but it means the world to me, it's her way of saying 'I got you'.

I shake my head "Abby is gonna be the real winner tonight."

The man holding a microphone in front of us smiles "We'll see who's right, my bet is both of you," He turns his attention to me directly "So I understand that you took a bit of a break after releasing your album, Solstice, is this considered your comeback?"

"Nope," I smile despite wanting to snatch the microphone from his hand and beat the camera with it until it shatters "There isn't anything to come back from."

He tilts his head giving the over-animated 'Are you serious?' look for whoever is watching. Every journalist was like a vampire trying to bleed me dry. The journalist, impeccably dressed in a tailored suit that exudes both sophistication and confidence searches his mind for another question "Well your album honestly was such a work of art and there has been talk that you are working on another one, is there anyone here that inspired any of those songs?"

"Nope."

"I think we should ask Ellie the same question," He laughs at his joke like it was funny. 

"And I think we should be heading off now," Abby answers for me and guides me away from the barricade of reporters and journalists, away from the cameras prying into my soul.

As I walk along the red carpet, I don't bother to stop and pose for any more pictures, I pick up the long skirts of my dress and usher myself to weave between the other celebrities. I nearly turn my ankle and take a tumble, wow, sure glad that 30 photographers caught that moment.

I was drenched in a deep, enchanting shade of midnight blue, the gown captivated with its sleek silhouette. The magic shows in the intricate details that adorn the fabric, reminiscent of the cosmos itself. Delicate embroidery of constellations graces the entire dress, forming a celestial tapestry that seems to come alive under the harsh shine of lights. The celestial patterns are meticulously sewn into the fabric, resembling a night sky filled with stars and constellations, creating an ethereal and otherworldly charm. Paired with the constellation dress, I wear a diamond choker and matching teardrop earrings.

I had lost Abby at some point in my little runaway leaving me to get into the auditorium where the award ceremony is to take place. 

Nearly the very second I walk in I hear a man yell my name, he is seated in the second row and it takes an awkwardly long amount of time for him to jog over to me. "Hey, kid!" He grins, hugging me, I don't hug him in return, I just freeze. It was Graham Wilson, I could smell the liquor on his breath.

Graham Wilson was a man who used to write very successful rock songs in his twenties with his band (the majority now deceased), he was nearing his sixties and was the definition of a has-been. I remember when I was a kid and I would listen to him on my iPod; though in recent days he's become known for ridiculous stunts, DUIs and homophobic tweets, even better known for how he found out I was gay and announced that he was no longer homophobic because, in his words 'Those gays can sure write good music' and then thanked me in his tweet, even tagging my account.

His frame carries the weight of a bygone era, specifically his beer belly. His once-lustrous, shoulder-length hair has succumbed to streaks of gray, hanging limply around his face like faded echoes of a rebellious past. Despite the passage of time, a few remnants of the rockstar allure linger - a faint scar above his right eyebrow, a reminder of a wild night in an underground club, and the subtle tattoos peeking out from under the sleeves of his wrinkled suit jacket.

"Hey, Graham," I give him a tight-lipped smile out of courtesy, in no means do I wish to talk to him. 

"You better win best album tonight," He gives me a hard slap on the back. Every time I see him he acts like we're friends just because he was a judge on a singing reality show that I was on seven years prior.

"I'll try my best," I try to excuse myself but he speaks again.

"I said seven years ago when I saw you on that stage that you were gonna be a star so don't let me down," He points a finger at me and gives me a weird smirk. When he smirks I almost think he's having a stroke until he starts to laugh and reveals his rows of teeth that are beginning to rot from his not-so-subtle drug abuse.

"Okay," I give him a nod and a quick wave goodbye to sneak away and pretend that I didn't converse with him. It seems like I'm early to take my seat, people are still piling in and being ushered to their spots, and seat fillers are standing around sheepishly while they try to take discreet photos of celebrities.

My seat is on the end of row two, right on the aisle, I feel myself split into a grin. If you weren't aware, Who sits where is a major status symbol. And though awards show organizers may deny it, it's awfully convenient to be sitting in the front row or on the aisle if you're about to accept a ton of trophies.

I was shaking with nerves, I got nominated three times and maybe there was hope that I would win at least one category.

When I saw Ellie I almost wanted to hide my face, she walked in with a new girl she slung her arm around, Jesse, Dina, and Cat in tow. I'm thankful to see that they're sitting front row of the opposite section of me and have yet to notice me.

I'm not sure if you have ever fallen in love, dated, gone on tour, moved in together, adopted a dog, written a couple of songs, got engaged, then broken up with someone and had the entire thing be documented publically but it's not the best feeling when you have to be in the same room as them again.

Everything with Ellie used to be so perfect.

The first thing I ever noticed about her were her eyes, her sad eyes. She looked like a puppy that had been kicked around for far too long; neglected and mistreated by whoever was cruel enough to show her such torment. Her eyebrows furrowed like each thought running through her head was a worry.

It's hard to look at her now, I know this girl inside out but we are strangers. 

I liked to pretend that the beautiful girl she was with was just there for show but I knew it was untrue when I saw her snake her hand around her waist just like she did to me. She runs through girls like they're cigarettes, she uses them until they burn out or she grows sick of them.

Two years ago at this very same award show, Ellie accepted Song of the Year for the song she wrote about me, 'Everlong'. She had even invited me on stage during her speech and announced to the world how in love she was with me.

If only I knew I could come to hate someone I used to love to death.

My hate was only solidified when Ellie and the Ashmen dropped their most recent album titled 'Smokey Eyes' just three months after our broken engagement. The entire album was about me and dear god it almost ruined my career.

Ellie had managed to paint me in a horrible light that made me seem like the scum of the earth. She wrote about me having substance issues and overall just sang happily about how much she despised me. Her song 'Me vs Your Friends' wrecked me. After speculation began over that song online, her fans decided that they loathed me just the same as Ellie did; this meant that I was doxxed, sent death threats, had my home broken into, and forced to move.

She wasn't the slightest bit sorry.

I spent the award ceremony dazed out, to be truthful, these types of events were boring. They dragged on for ages and you had to sit through the same generic speeches over and over again of people thanking their parents and producers, I hated both of those.

I watched as Amelia Swan walked on stage, she was a nepotism baby, the daughter of some big-shot director and beautiful all the same. In the glittering spotlight of the grand award show stage, a vision of elegance takes center stage as the next announcer for the evening. A beautiful woman, her porcelain skin seemingly kissed by moonlight, graces the audience with a timeless allure. Her dark, cascading hair frames her face in a sleek, sophisticated manner, accentuating the delicate features that radiate a captivating charm.

Draped in a resplendent pink gown, the fabric sits tight against her slim body. The gown is a masterpiece of design. Its silhouette accentuates her figure with tasteful precision, while the soft hue of pink complements her fair complexion.

"Hello!" She smiles and the crowd begins to cheer "I'm going to cut to the chase because I know all of you are as excited to find out the winner as I am."

Amelia begins to go through the nominees, my breath hitches in my throat when she says my name, though I play it cool the best I can and smile softly when the camera zooms in on me in the crowd.

Her eyes, framed by carefully styled lashes and a hint of rosy eyeshadow, exude warmth and confidence. Lips adorned with a subtle shade of pink curve into a welcoming smile, inviting the audience to share in the excitement of the announcement. 

"The winner of Album of the Year is..." I could've sworn I nearly passed out when Amelia said my name.

Nothing felt real, it was like I was living the dreams that I made up when I was a little girl staying up late in my uncles back yard, talking to the indigo sky and speaking to it with delusions of security and stardom.

I shake when I stand up from my chair. The person next to me hugs me and I don't even know who she is but I hug her in return.

Amelia gestures for me to join her on stage with a huge smile on her face. I make my way down the aisle and up the steps leading to the stage. Amelia handed the statue of the golden gramophone to me along with the microphone to give my speech.

At this moment, the stage is my kingdom "I didn't prepare anything because I honestly didn't think I would win but I'd like to thank my little sister, Marceline, and my late uncle, Richie, god rest his soul. Everything I've done leading me to this moment has been for them, every lyric, every night I'm up till dawn writing. Even though Richie can't be here in person, I carry a little piece of him with me everywhere I go, he's all around me, I see him in the songs I write, in the melody of an acoustic guitar, and in the faces of those gentle enough to show me kindness."

The audience applauds for me, even Ellie who stares me down bitterly. I had sung in front of thousands of people but it would never compare to this moment.

I wipe a tear away from my eye "I would also like to thank all of my fans, you guys are just the fucking best," I giggle through my crying "I feel like you've been sent down by Richie and Marceline I know you're watching me right now, please give my dog some love for me. Please know that I don't come from anything, I was born from dirt and dreams for something more than a ratty town in Canada."

I lived for the applause.

"I mean, I've always been good and never great so this means a lot to me-

Ameilia places a hand on my shoulder to stop me "There was a bit of a mix-up," She announces "I'm sorry, love, you didn't win," She says just to me, dark eyes full of remorse.

"What?" I almost think it's a sick joke.

Amelia holds the microphone to her face to be heard by the audience "I'm not joking," She shows the contents of a card to the crowd "The real winners for album of the year are Ellie and the Ashmen for their album Smokey Eyes." Gasps sound from the audience and I can only imagine what those watching from home are doing

The camera pans to where Ellie, Dina, Jesse, and Cat sit, Ellie is laughing; not laughing, cackling, it only grows and now she's laughing so hard she can barely breathe. Suddenly I didn't feel like I was king of the world, it felt like the desolation of a hangover had hit me in the span of 90 seconds.

Dina gives Ellie a harsh elbow to her bicep, telling her to be respectful. The four of them rise from their chairs and make their way up to the stage, where I stand, paralyzed.

"Congratulations," I give Ellie a tight-lipped smile and hand the award off to her.

She smiled smugly at me and took it "Thanks, smokey eyes," Ellie held the statue up to display it. Smokey eyes was a nickname she had given me when we first met since I always had dark circles she said they looked like smoke from a forest fire. I told you that album was about me. What made me more mad is that it was such a stupid fucking nickname.

My mouth goes dry, it tastes like salt and failure.

I take many steps back, trying to hide myself at the back of the stage while I watch the Ashmen bathe in the glory I thought was mine.

"I didn't prepare anything because I honestly didn't think I would win," Ellie begins to mock me "But I'd like to thank my best friends, Dina, Jesse, and Cat, I couldn't have done it without you," She motions at her band members beside her "But I also couldn't have done it without my dad, thank you, Joel, you're out there in the cheap seats but I fucking love you," She waves out into the crowds somewhere before handing the microphone off to Dina.

"I am so beyond grateful-

"No!" Someone yells from the ground and all attention turns to him "This is not fair!" Graham shouts, walking up the stairs. Everyone in the room looks at one another trying to figure out what is going on. Graham snatches the microphone from Dina "I'm proud of you four but listen."

Everyone is silent completely, no one is sure what to do so we let Graham continue.

"I met everyone on this stage seven years ago," He throws one arm out for dramatics "Except for Amelia, I don't know you," Graham is more dishevelled than he was when I saw him earlier that night "Let me tell all of you that Ellie was in love with this girl since the day they met!" Graham points at me, now things are getting weird, well weirder. “I know because I was there and you all saw it on TV!”

It was no secret that Ellie and I were together since we met on Road to Stardom, a singing reality show where people compete for-well, stardom. Every step of our relationship had been very public, not by choice but by unfortunate circumstances. It is for this reason I was afraid of what Graham would spout next.

"Without her, Smokey Eyes wouldn't have ever been written, Ellie would've had no inspiration for it," He babbles "But more so my point is, Solstice deserved to win, Smokey Eyes is mediocre at best!"

People in the audience look genuinely concerned, I spot Abby in the third row. She has one hand covering her mouth from pure shock, her eyebrows are furrowed and she almost looks like she's going to throw up.

 "Solstice is the best album to listen to when you're high off salvia on your bathroom floor!" Graham points back at me.

I see Cat mutter something to Jesse along the lines of "He's not wrong."

"Smokey Eyes has three good songs and Solstice has thirteen!" Graham suddenly stops to turn and look at me, he grabs my wrist "Come up here and finish your speech," I shake my head no but he pulls me up anyway.

I freeze, petrified. My eyes are wide and my lips are pressed together in a thin line. I didn't know what to do. Why wasn't anyone doing anything?

Graham's head suddenly snaps from me to Ellie where he takes an intoxicated step closer to her "Give me that damn award, you don't deserve it, especially not after mocking the woman who inspired it!" He lunges for the statue, at first Ellie is stubborn and holds onto it tight.

After 30 seconds of Graham trying to pry the stature away, Ellie gives up and releases it, figuring it best not to fight with a drunk man; in doing so Graham's elbow flies back from sudden loss of resistance and hits me dead in my nose. I yelp out in pain bending over into a crouch and clutching my nose. Graham stumbles back and trips over me, though he is still holding on tight to the statue.

Jesse approaches him slowly. "Hey, man, It's me, I think we should all just settle down and talk this through," He tries to act cool but his eyes are full of worry "I agree, I think Solstice is a great album and it really deserved to win."

Graham clumsily rolled onto his stomach and then stumbled back onto his feet. He was staring Jesse down like this was the Wild West.

Dina rushed over to me to make sure I was okay "Let me see," She gingerly moved my hands away from my nose, it had been knocked crooked and blood was pouring down to my chest where it pooled at the neckline of my dark dress.

Graham chucked the golden gramophone at Cat who jumped back when he did so and took a swing at Jesse who didn't move an inch or even shudder from his drunken punch. It also didn't help Graham that he was a solid four inches shorter than Jesse. Just as Graham was hyping himself up to send another hit, two bulky men grabbed either of Graham's arms and dragged him off the stage and out of sight.

I went home that night with nothing more than a broken nose, and no award but I could rest knowing that night went down infamously in history. My blood dripped onto the stage of the Grammys.

That was the night I truly became famous.

Grade eight- Age thirteen 

Middle school is hard.

Even harder when you have two friends, one of them is a guy who is obsessed with Star Wars and is hardly at school because he's always having an allergic reaction, and the other friend is my English teacher. I ate lunch in her class while he graded schoolwork on days that Milo was too sick to show up for school.

I never understood why kids are so fucking mean. Like sometimes I'm having a good day and then I remember when I sang at the middle school talent show.

Some kid who was destined to have a blunt in his hand finished doing tricks on his skateboard rolled off stage and it was my turn.

In the dimly lit auditorium, adorned with colourful decorations for the annual school talent show, I took center stage with my guitar, a blend of excitement and nervousness etched across my face. The hushed whispers of the audience faded as I strummed the first chords, the notes carrying the beginning to the first of many performances in my life

"If you gave me only one wish,

I wouldn't want to feel this way.

They told me I'd have your memory

But all I want is you to stay

And I can't stop my mind from haunting me,

It's like a scar on a butterfly's wing,

I wanted you to know."

I had worked tirelessly to perfect the lyrics to my first ever song, begging my uncle who was far more practiced for his input. This was way back when I still lived in fuck ass nowhere Alberta, I had that country twang in my high voice though it carried a specific tenderness.

"This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day these bones will heal

And they'll leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do.

This beautiful pain, this beautiful pain

This beautiful pain for you."

However, as I sang my little heart out, a different melody began to play in the background - the snickers and hushed comments of some classmates who couldn't appreciate the vulnerability I laid bare on the stage. Their laughter, like discordant notes in a once-harmonious piece, reverberated through the auditorium.

"If I sailed the world on stormy seas

Chasing sunlight that I can't see.

I was a dreamer here before,

Before I woke up and fell to the floor

And I'd climb to heaven if I could find you,

Even with a scar this butterfly flew.

I wanted you to know."

I spotted one group in particular, they hated me already and this would give them all the more reason to bully me.

"This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day, these bones will heal

And they'll leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do

This beautiful pain, this beautiful pain, this beautiful pain."

Maybe the lyrics were the slightest bit corny but I was thirteen and these girls were being little cunts. I bit back the tears I so clearly wanted to release when I saw a teacher had to walk over to the group of girls to stop their laughing. It wasn't just that one group though, kids scattered all over were fighting back giggles and that made it hurt all the worse.

"And all I'll ever need

And all I'll ever be,

Within every part of me is this,

This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day these bones will heal

And leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything 'cause it was all I ever knew.

This beautiful pain,

This beautiful pain,

This beautiful pain,

For you."

As the last note hung in the air, the room was divided. Some applauded, recognizing the authenticity of my performance, while others continued their derisive comments. So the majority who liked my singing were teachers, but that didn't matter, at least my music got through to someone.

The rest of the day was even more difficult than my three-minute performance, at least that was over quickly but the comments from Kennedy and her friends left me leaving school in tears.

I didn't go home that day, I walked the extra ten minutes to get to my uncle's house. Lugging my guitar and newfound hate for music with me. The façade, adorned with a mismatched collection of potted plants and a welcoming, hand-painted sign that read ‘Home Sweet Home’ hinted at my uncle's efforts to infuse joy into his surroundings. The paint on the wooden shutters might have faded, but they held stories of many seasons gone by. The roof, patched with a variety of materials, showed the resourcefulness of my uncle in their attempt to shield the interior from the whims of weather. 

He tried to make the house look nice for me and my little sister. He was by no means rich in money but rich in what mattered, the love he had for me was overflowing.

It wasn't a particularly nice neighbourhood either, his house was small, with two bedrooms and a basement I wasn't allowed in. But every time I think of the chipped blue walls, I feel a warm sense of nostalgia run down my spine.

"Who's there?" I hear Uncle Richie call from the kitchen where he is cooking something.

"Just me," I yell back, dropping my guitar case on the ground and belly-flopping onto his old brown leather couch that had more tears in it than I could count; he had tried to stich some of them up with embroidery floss but ultimately gave up, deciding to let it be since he couldn't afford to replace it.

"Why aren't you at your mom's, Chickadee?"

"I don't wanna see Mom right now, she's gonna put me in an even worse mood," I call back grabbing the TV remote off of the water-damaged coffee table.

"What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Minutes later Richie walks into the living room to join me, he carries a bowl of Kraft Mac and cheese with two forks shoved in it, he taps the bottom of my socked feet, signalling for me to move them so he can fit on the couch with me. Uncle Richie has a buzz cut and beard stubble that I have never seen him without, he has never been seen without a flannel on, not as long as I've been alive. What I remember the clearest about him though was the scar beneath his right eye, when I was younger he would tell me that he got it from a pirate though I stopped believing that. "So are you going to tell me why you're sulking?"

I ignore him and he reaches for the remote to turn the TV off "Hey, I watching that," I mutter.

"Well I'm waiting for you to answer me, Chickadee," He tilts his head "Or you won't get any kraft dinner."

"I sang at the talent show today."

"And?"

"Everyone made fun of me."

He furrows his eyebrows "Why would they do that?"

"Why do you think?" I snark "Because I'm not good enough and I'm a bad singer and I have a shit guitar." I immediately regret my words. Uncle Richie was the one who gave me that guitar, it was all he could manage with his income, it was his back when he had dreams of his own but he fixed it up so I could pick up where he left off. The guitar itself had a cracking between the face and the side that was being held together with duct tape, not to mention the whole thing was basically reinforced with superglue and there were Sharpie drabbles on it of poems and potential songs Richie started that I will be sure to finish.

"This is the best guitar in the world," He reaches behind the couch where I left it slugs the case onto his lap and opens it to showcase the guitar "Because it's full of something money can’t buy, there is love built into this guitar and every time you play it you feel that love."

"I don't feel love when I play," I say, eyes brimming with tears.

"Then you're not playing right," He smiles, discarding the case on the floor "Did you play the song I helped you write?"

I nod "Kennedy said it was worse than shoving nails into her ears and that my guitar was decrepit and even more fugly than I am."

"Well Kennedy is a little cunt," He answers "Don't tell anyone I said that." His words make me giggle. I watch him intently as he begins to strum some chords on the guitar, the beginning of Beautiful Pain, he stops when I don't sing the lyrics, glancing at me until the words finally fall from my lips.

After the first two Stanzas, he hands the guitar off to me, nodding his head along to my gentle strums.

When I finish the song and strike the last chord, Richie claps a huge smile on his face "Do you feel the love yet?"

"I dunno."

"Then play again," He says "Don't think about those bitchy little girls," His tone is dead serious "You just gave all of those people a free performance, in ten years they are going to be paying hundreds just to get a bad seat at one of your shows and they will buried so far in the back of your mind that you won't even remember their names or all of those awful words they say to you, the only words that will matter are the ones you sing."

"So what do I do?"

"Play music because you love it, it doesn't matter if it takes you anywhere or if it makes you any money. That's why you should play, play for love not greed."

Wordlessly I begin the song over again, blocking out the rest of the world while I softly sing the lyrics. I strum each cord perfectly, my singing to match. I will forever think back to this moment, this is where I can pinpoint the exact second I fell in love with music.

I wrap up the song and Richie speaks up "Do you still want to watch TV?"

I shake my head "Can you help me write another song?" 

-

Sinjinisoverboard: I love love love the new single but does anyone else miss her debut era?????? I feel like she's sold out

     woodmonkey92: Reply to Sinjinisoverboard╰┈➤ this is so true, I remember when she would sing in parks and she was actually happy just being herself

     theend_is_n3ar: Reply to woodmonkey92╰┈➤ bruh you don't remember that, she was a nobody when she sang in parks plus she literally got heckled and ridiculed by her classmates so bad that she gave up on singing in public and almost gave up on music as a whole

     user37768638493: Reply to sinjinisoverboard╰┈➤ as much as I love her it really seems like she's fallen off the rails

conner_stoll_it: She's not even the same person anymore. I fell in love her original music and who she was when she wrote it, then she signed with a record label now she's an in-genuine copy of every pop star.

     Alina_b12: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ you fell in love with her old music?? 💀💀💀 she wasn't even past 100 subscribers when she released her debut album and after she released she literally gained 11 listeners on Spotify to get a total of 24 so don't lie and say that you heard it before hearing her mainstream music

     Luciaisdonewithlife: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ Her old music was so relatable, she got famous and it’s kind of hard to relate to someone who's net worth is more money then I can even fathom

     hazeinmorningcraze: Reply to Luciaisdonewithlife╰┈➤I think that's why it was so easy for everybody to side with Ellie during the breakup, Ellie kept true to who she is, her girlfriend however did not.

     Luciaisdonewithlife: Reply to hazeinthemorningcraze╰┈➤*fiancé

     hazeinthemorningcraze: Reply to Luciaisdonewithlife╰┈➤ ew don't remind me

     maiya_onthec0ast: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ We should remember that no one listened to her when she released her debut music. She said in an interview that before she signed with Atlantic Records she had 24 listeners and 76 subscribers. We only know who she is because of her mainstream music, you aren't better than anyone for needlessly hating on her.

stargirlthesequel: God who else misses the southern twang she used to have in her voice?

      Vampire_empire2: Reply to stargirlthesequel╰┈➤LMAO acting like you know her is crazy

      Aline_b12: Reply to stargirlthesequel╰┈➤parasocial relationships are really becoming apparent rn

thismightbeskylarwwhiteyo: It's soooooo annoying when people hate on Solstice for being mainstream like all Ashmen discography isn't top on charters since they dropped their first album

     dancedancerev0lution: Reply to thismightbeskylarwwhiteyo╰┈➤I've been saying this! Ellie has been in the industry way longer, she's always had a big fan base, even when she was still a solo artist!

    elliespurplemonster: Reply to thismightbeskylaarwwhiteyo╰┈➤ Ellie Williams on 🔝

    call_urm0ther: Reply to elliespurplemonster╰┈➤ kys she treated her fiancé horribly

    elliespurplemonster: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤ how would you know that????? Were you there??????

    follow_kendra88: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤Ellie was the one who was treated horribly in that relationship, have you even listened to Smokey Eyes?

    ellies_no2girl: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤Ellie was so in love and just got used for fame 🥺💔

     call_urm0ther: Reply to ellies_no2girl╰┈➤fuck off with your cringe ass emojis

sorryyileft___:You guys are so weird for saying Ellie was used by her ex for fame, they literally were on the same show at the same age at the same time and got thrown into the limelight at the same time, Ellie and the Ashmen just got more popular.

   mybodyisacage: Reply to sorryyileft___╰┈➤Ellie had a bit of a YouTube presence before she was on Stardom, it wasn't a crazy number but it was a cult following and that's why she won Stardom, bc she had fans to begin with then gained even more after being on national television

    elliespurplemonster: Reply to mybodyisacage╰��➤She didn't win bc of following she won bc she's a good artist

    mybodyisacage: Reply to elliespurplemonster╰┈➤I never said she wasn't

bodhi_van34: I thought the whole thing at the Grammy's was an act until I saw all those news articles about Graham Wilson getting arrested

  carlyswarly: Reply to bodhi_van34╰┈➤They did a drug test when he got arrested and found coke in his system

    may0mayyyo: Reply to carlyswarly╰┈➤A busboy who worked the event said that Graham was doing cocaine in the bathroom

   body_van34: Reply to may0mayyyo╰┈➤ LMAO WTF 

charlotte_5freakingdidit: EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT ELLIE WILLIAMS BEING MEAN TO HER EX BUT GRAHAM WILSON LITERALLY ASSAULTED A POPSTAR ON STAGE AND TRIED TO THROW HANDS WITH JESSE LMAO IM DIFFUSING

juliaa__stirling: The way Ellie was laughing when Amelia said she messed up the cards was so rude and immature. Her fans are insane for defending her. All of that just because her ex fiancé gave a speech about working hard, imagine how she felt after being so honest with everyone just for her to not actually win and think about how she feels now reading all of these posts.

botoxangel: Celebrities have feelings too, Amelia made a mistake she's probably embarrassed but not as embarrassed as that poor woman is for putting her soul into a speech just for her ex and all of her fan girls to ridicule her for a mistake that wasn't even hers.

    karaleaah778: Reply to botoxangel╰┈➤exactly! And why are people blaming Amelia??? She was given the envelope by someone else, she genuinely thought her friend won.

carlosislost: Why is Graham even invited to these events?????????

katie_katelynsm1th: Reply to carlosislost╰┈➤Bc it's funny when he causes a scene

howto_nevrst0ppbeingsad: I know you guys think this Grammy situation is so funny but it's really not. Graham is clearly mentally ill, this is a cry for help.

   elleryc3llery: Reply to howto_nevrst0ppbeingsad╰┈➤Dude it's hilarious

  3emmettttt: Reply to howto_nevrst0ppbeing sad╰┈➤The way you're worried about the has been and not the girl whose nose he broke

allysaaaa663638: LMAO THE WAY SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE WON THE AWARD AND SHE DESERVED IT SHDBDBEGHWWBSV

jessicadacoolest: Ellie is so real for laughing bc I would've done the same tbh

hennyrumwine: Dumb bitch deserved to be hit lollllllll

4444carmencarmen4444: I love the Ashmen's music but I hate Ellie sm, I just feel like she's a fuck girl and she gives me very rude vibes. Like laughing at her ex and then mocking her heartfelt speech is INSANE anyways stream Solstice

sittingwaiting_wishing: I honestly have hated Ellie since the breakup, she's changed so much since then. She used to be funny now she's just mean.

carissaandher_h0ttakes: I still think it's kind of crazy that Dina and Jesse followed through with Ellie on Smokey Eyes because they were really close to her when she was engaged to Ellie, can't imagine how many ties that album severed

    elliessmokeyeye: Reply to carissaandher_h0ttakes╰┈➤I think about this all the time! She was literally the god mother for Dina and Jesses kid

     carissaandher_h0ttakes: Reply to elliessmokeyeye╰┈➤it make me think that she might've done something to them to make them hate her the way Ellie does, Ellie did say that she didn't write all of the songs for Smokey Eyes 🤔🤔🤔

"Do you see how this backlash doesn't look good for anyone?" My agent, Caroline asks after showing me several Twitter posts that are under the trending tag.

"Well, it's not really my fault."

"Nonetheless, I think It's time for a rebrand." She sets her phone face down and looks at me from across her desk "Do you remember when you went on tour with the Ashmen when you were around twenty-one?"

My eyes go wide, I'm already shaking my head "Please-

"This is an awful event that you can turn into an amazing opportunity and capitalize on it," The backdrop behind Caroline is almost blinding, it's an annoyingly hot LA day and I want nothing more than to be back in Canada and swimming in lakes with my little sister.

"Caroline, mentally I can't handle a tour with Ellie."

"Mentally, you're gonna have to," She says, getting stern "Your fans either hate each other or they love both of you and feel like their parents have divorced."

I know that I will argue with Caroline for the next hour and threaten to fire her but eventually, she will win, so until then I am preoccupied with thoughts of everything but Ellie, soaking in the last moments I will have until she envelopes my brain and suffocates me from the inside out.

I am sure that with Ellie, I will die before winter comes and I am doubtful that I will ever bloom again.

[wufflesvetinari]

ok fine, wyllstarion rec list

the demons bade me write this. i have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings and a fabulous bookmarks list. come with me....and you'll be.......in a world of pure wyllstarion nation

note that this is like. an intermediate/advanced, 201-level list. i am trusting you, and assume you've already read asidian's body of work. you've read nothing is safe. you're reading Nothing Like the Sun &etc. Really anything that appears on the first two pages when sorting by bookmarks/kudos is disqualified due to pre-recognized excellence. (you could, however, go read them again)

are you back? good. now read:

"We Happy Few" - @geometea. listen to me. listen. i am looking deeply into your eyes. read this fucking fic. it's hard to shill without spoiling anything, BUT: wyll is a still-pacted grand duke. he used to have a bunch of unresolved romantic tension with astarion and now hasn't spoken to him for 15 years. now take that premise and add body horror, beautiful ominous surreal images, and SURPRISE BIG EMOTIONS. just trust me on this one, guys

"Crossed Blades" - @rebelontherocks. this is a...i think i have to call this a cozy sex romp. wyll and astarion are married, wyll is a busy duke, astarion needs more enrichment, astarion invents a very silly sex game by roleplaying teenage-wyll's smut books. wyll is So Deeply Into It. i love this fic for its characterization, its banter, and its commitment to paralleling character psychology to what sounds like an absolutely wild in-universe smut series (that is sketched with an impressive amount of detail and care tbh??).

"Comfort" - @acephalouscreature. short and sweet. wyll is injured and everyone expects astarion to take care of him. luckily, astarion has a dastardly plan to fake feelings for wyll by thinking about his feelings for wyll. you sure fooled them, astarion!! also featuring: astarion trying to figure out how to comfort someone by thinking about horses

"False Compare" - @jellyfishline. i'd recommend checking out their work generally, but i fell in love with this one first. wyll writes a sonnet! astarion is mean about it until he isn't! deeply in-character with an emphasis on how each of them communicates affection. gorgeous prose

"how to escape the torment nexus" - @ushauz. this series is incredibly unique, set in a fucked-up bad end where wyll is a lemure, astarion is still on the run from cazador, and almost everyone else is dead. where this really shines imo is wyll's POV: he's been through literal hell, doesn't remember his life, and is wading through his unconscious attachment to astarion like a foreign language. (side note also read Heart of Stone for a great lae'zel character piece)

"An Acorn in the Moonlight" - @anonyhex. this is one of the first wyllstarion fics i ever read and it has a special place in my heart!! it's particularly cathartic to read for Wyll reasons, including him actually getting to Have Emotions about what Ulder put him through. and they are so sweet with each other!!

"temporal displacement" - @purplecatghostposts. ok this came out like. yesterday but listen, i LOVE outsider pov of an astarion who's learned to show affection somewhat, seen from the eyes of someone who doesn't know his history and has no reason to suspect All Of That. and when that "outsider" is a dying 20-year-old wyll who just saw astarion step out of a time portal. well.

"nothing to make a song about" - @grey-wardens. for when you want something meaty and casefic-adjacent, set in a post-canon where wyll is the blade and not the duke (for once). contains bonding on the road, getting romantically snowed in together, and Symbolic Fetch-Quests.

i am also watching closely: "One of Those Prince-Types" by @lesbianralzarek and "sigh no more" by @tomorrowsrain. both are one chapter in and promise to be meaty, with execution that already feels very very promising

SPECIAL MENTION TO "Like Death (or Birth)" by The_Dancing_Walrus, which has some fraught implied background wyllstarion and is just generally completely baller. astarion kind-of sort-of accidentally adopts yenna, who got fucked up by her time as a potential sacrifice to bhaal. it works! i promise it works

EDIT 1/12/25: now with part 2!

[zahri-melitor]

Thinking more about Tom King; I do wonder how much of how he’s viewed on tumblr is a result of the following two facts:-

The majority of the DC comics fandom on tumblr does not have personal memories of 2001

The majority of the DC comics fandom on tumblr is not prepared to give government security or intelligence the time of day as having a necessary purpose

It sounds a bit ‘you don’t know what you’re missing’ but fundamentally I think part of the problem is that you’re (generally) too young to appreciate many of King’s fundamental storytelling elements, because you’re too young to remember or care about the topics he keeps going back to interrogate.

And this is something that comes up in conversations I have with friends who are school teachers and university lecturers all the time, because September 11 for the majority of their students has now moved from category 1 here to category 3:

Core ‘where were you’ memory (people born early 90s or before)

Foundation of their childhood status quo (mid 90s to mid 2000s; maybe as late as 2007-2008)

History (late 2000s onwards)

They’re the ones at the forefront of talking about this with their students, and it’s moved from ‘default background for undergraduates’ now into ‘history that has an effect on the present’. They’re now too young to have soaked in the exhaustingly omnipresent US patriotism of the culture of the 2000s. And so the reaction of current students as a cohort to things heavily based or reflective on this period is fundamentally different to someone who lived through it.

A similar, earlier comparison would be writers who frame everything through the lens of the Cold War as an analogy for their writing. I’m a category 2 for the fall of the USSR, and I grew up with that dividing line; there was a lot of media made in the 90s that still premised the Soviets as existing into the future (very early 90s stuff that hadn’t been fixed in time) or that frantically had had a word find-replace for “Soviet” to “Russian” but the general attitude hadn’t changed (good comics example here is go read any of KGBeast’s appearances around Knightfall in DC comics; they’re really struggling with what to do about him). There was also even more media that still wanted to hammer Cold War themes but invented new fake countries to overlay it onto and to discuss as being the background of proxy wars, so they had the out of ‘this isn’t a real place, it’s Markovia/Kaznia/Pan Balgravia or Qurac/Kahndaq/Bialya’.

Many of these got further use for decades up until the present, partly because Central Asia has remained a hotspot for conflict for decades as a result of the fallout of the Cold War proxy conflicts, and partly because shoving extra expy states into Europe means you can play with the politics without having to be exact.

Because to me, this is what I see King doing to the present. And why it sticks out is that most people aren’t harping on the themes constantly anymore like they were 20 years ago. But for King it’s a well he keeps going back to because he was so heavily involved in it and didn’t really get the chance to start processing it until he left the CIA around 2010 and started working his feelings out in stories.

Because yes, at this point he’s beating a dead horse, but there are also incredibly successful writers of military thrillers who are STILL writing veiled ‘it’s the Soviets’ or ‘it’s the Arab Terrorists’ plots and selling. There’s clearly an audience for it. The audience just is an aging one.

And as someone who does remember the period, some of his work is extremely ‘oh god I remember’ and some of it is genuinely well thought through analogies interrogating the topic. Media and storytelling are frequently in conversation with the world and with themes the writer cares about. And I think we can all tell how large some of this loomed in Tom King’s life.

[cuttlefishcommie]

Haven't posted in a while, time for a comics rant.

I love booster gold. I love him so much, he's my favourite ever comics character. He has a couple of basic powers like flight and usually blasts, but spends a lot of time using force fields, which is incredibly cool. It makes him a pretty versatile fighter. Similarly I love his costume, colourful, recognisable and not too complicated (plus it has wrist gauntlets, I love wrist gauntlets), which is basically everything you need for a good super suit.

Outside of the basics, I love his premise. He's a time travelling super hero from the future. There's tonnes of room for great time travel related adventures, which are always incredibly entertaining. Plus plenty of space for fish out of water comedy. Furthermore, the idea of a normal guy coming back from the future with high tech stuff to be a hero, is incredibly amusing and one of the most original premises for a character.

I love everything about him, I love that he's on the JLI. I love that he has a little robot buddy (Skeetz). I love that his arch nemesis is called Dick Hertz.

Boosters story is genuinely amazing. He's brash and he's bold, a confident goofball, but also a massive nerd. He comes to the past as a fame seeker with a less than noble history, he's shaky and he's not great at being a hero. He can be arrogant, and over sure of himself, and at the start he really doesn't feel that he fits in. He feels like an imposter in a world of genuine heroes. As time goes on, booster gold the og fanboy turned superhero (honestly this premise is universally delightful - looking at you Gwenpool) becomes more and more selfless. It's the greatest example of fake it till you make it, booster stop trying to hit the A list, and he's relegated to the B-tier, saving the world time and again, without anyone even knowing. Booster turns from being the arrogantly begrudging "greatest hero you've never heard" of to having that title be a thing of pride, an honoured descriptor. Booster becomes a more genuine hero than most others, all because he knew the future was brighter, and because he wanted to help people here. For many reasons, this story is incredibly personally impactful for me, but there's one other thing that I need to talk about for Booster.

This is to the fandom. Booster Golds most important relationship have never been any of his brief flings, it has never been any of the crazy characters from across time, it has never even been his family. The most important relationship booster gold has is blue beetle. Booster and Ted have one of the greatest friendships in comics. They'll hang out all the time, just for fun. They joke around together. They work together when they can. But when times are tough they always turn up for each other. It's an inspiring friendship for the ages. I understand why many people like to claim this. There are not a lot of gay relationships in comics, and that sucks. But, can we please stop this nonsense of pretending every time two people have strong feelings for each other it's romantic. Can for once, we have some characters with a very impactful friendship, that outclasses romantic bonds. I am so tired of everything being romantic, and as weird as it sounds, alongside bill and Ted's excellent adventure and Shaun of the dead, booster gold gets to be one of those breaks. So please, just for once can we accept there is in fact a platonic explanation for this, Booster and Ted are best friends, and their relationship is what being best friends should look like.

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

Hi it's the sex/musical theatre anon back to rank the Black Eagles on theatre kid vibes this time! Wahoo!

Edelgard - this one's kind of difficult because on one hand BlAcK eAgLe StRiKe FoRcE is some theatre kid ass name for your friend group if I've ever seen one. But also I have a vague memory in my mind of it being stated somewhere she's like mildly shy about that kind of thing(?) but also I sometimes get fake memories in my brain so idk. I could see her working tech though (spoilers that's going to be a lot of these guys) 6/10.

Hubert - so anyone remember that ask from a while back where someone said he has mean stage manager vibes? Yeah that was me and I stand by that. He's not as mean as like Felix but the menacing way he's said "five minutes till we open!!!" has definitely made someone go like "t-thank you five..." through tears. Idk if he'd like musicals per say but I think he'd be satisfied with doing his job. 5/10

Ferdinand - it's basically canon that he is one right? Like he's a big opera fan (prototype theatre kids) and stuff? I can't really say much about how talented I think he'd be/how many good roles he'd get but he definitely has an extensive Broadway playbill collection that he is very protective of. 8/10

Dorothea - 10/10

Bernadetta - She's also in tech and she's the one crying when Hubert says his menacing "five minutes" thing. I think she probably would do sound or lights because I don't think she would want to be a stagehand (too much moving around and interacting with the actors). I think she'd genuinely enjoy tech though. 6/10

Petra - this one is hard probably because I never really felt I had the greatest grasp of her character. But she seems like the type who likes to try things out yeah so she'd probably audition at least once and maybe get a surprisingly good role. I can imagine she'd be a good mover/dancer. 6/10

Linhardt - did you know that the epic highs and lows of theatre involve 6+ hour tech rehearsals on weekends where you're stuck on your feet well into the evening? Did you know that almost everyone you're going to meet in theatre is loud, annoying, and self-centered? Did you know the experience of being on stage can be incredibly hot, sweaty, and overstimulating? Caspar told him to try out and he fell asleep halfway through filling out the audition form. And no he's not doing tech either. 1/10

He definitely has enough energy but I don't think he'd be good. Like I think he'd mayyybe do it if the premise of the show sounds interesting. But...he's the one guy in the ensemble who is both extremely loud and extremely off key. I think he'd be having fun though. 6/10

.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 35 - HUMOR

Entanglements by astolat

Pairing: Steve/Tony, Pepper/Tony, Pepper/Bruce/SteveTony, Loki/Thor, Clint/Natasha Rating: E Words: 17,980 Tags: Sex Pollen, Loss of Virginity, Incest

Summary: Huh, was Tony's first thought when the spell broke and all of a sudden his brain came back online.

Reasons why I love it: This is the funniest, smuttiest mess that I've ever read. The characterization is impeccable, the sex pollen aftermath is hilarious, and the way it all just keeps escalating further and further kept me on the edge of my seat. This fic is incredible, and you really need to experience it for yourself to get the full picture.

Place Your Bets by RurouniHime

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 36,001 Tags: No Powers AU, Fake Prostitution, Mutual Pining

Summary: Steve Rogers may or may not have just picked up a prostitute. This may or may not be Tony Stark’s fault.

Reasons why I love it: This fic has it all – a Rom-Com worthy premise, delightful banter, the two Jameses being the best of bros to their respective disaster of a friend, and of course some prime time Stony feels. I love this fic so much, and if you haven't read it yet, you are missing out on one of the best fics in this fandom, in my humble opinion. So do yourself a favor and check it out!

The (Not So) Great Pretender by RayShippouUchiha

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: T Words: 19,587 Tags: Secret Identity Fail, Oblivious Avengers, Mutual Pining

Summary: “What,” Tony says softly but with a great depth of feeling, “the actual fuck just happened?” “I believe, Sir,” JARVIS pipes up from the phone in his pocket, an unnecessary amount of what sounds like glee in his voice, “that you’ve once again managed to maintain your closely guarded secret identity. Truly your subterfuge skills know no bounds." “You’re an asshole J,” Tony mutters back as he reaches up to rub at his temple. He either has a headache coming on or a blood clot. At this point he’s honestly not sure which he’d prefer. "I did learn from the best, Sir,” JARVIS tells him sunnily.

Reasons why I love it: Semi-willfully blind Avengers to the max, holy shit. There are so many hilarious moments in this, I laughed out loud more than once. And watching Tony and Bucky gradually lose their faith in humanity is so much fun. They should really start a bookclub. I love this fic, and if you haven't read it yet, you're seriously missing out!

[wren-of-the-woods]

For the WIP ask game, double fake dating sounds incredible!

Ooh thank you!! I’ve been having fun with this one! It’s a modern au and the premise is that, due to a series of convoluted events, Jaskier ends up fake dating both Geralt and Yennefer at the same time. It features a lot of dramatic Jaskier PoV that I’m rather proud of. It’s at about 6k right now and will probably end up somewhere in the 15k-25k range! I’ve also been having fun writing Jaskier and Yennefer’s text exchanges, so here’s one of those:

Yennefer: I can’t even tell if you’re cheating on me or Geralt in this scenario

Jaskier: i’m not cheating on anyone!!

Jaskier: i’m not dating anyone!!!

Jaskier: i’m *fake* cheating on my *fake* boyfriend with my *fake* fiance

Jaskier: there’s a difference

Yennefer: Arguably, this is worse.

Jaskier: maybe!

Jaskier: but i’m making money and pissing off valdo so i’m good :D

(From this ask game)

[jebewonmorelike]

The Baby Project (A Series)

(part two) (part three) ~ coming soon! wc: 1.2k pronouns: none used; n/a warnings: light swearing, angst, ricky is not too nice in this chapter, the premise is raising a fake baby together, i don't think it's suggestive but that is the premise so if you're uncomfy with that then you have been forewarned! this will get fluffier and funnier like my other works with some angst mixed in summary: ricky and ex-friend!reader are forced to put aside their differences in order to successfully complete their assignment of raising a baby (simulator) together; chaos ensues. ~masterlist~ ♡ ~kofi (no pressure at all)~ SURPRISE! it's a short series. I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS PLOT. of course, all credits of the actual concept of "the baby project" go to that popular story on the app episode from a couple years ago lmao. this will probably have about 3 parts i think and i'll keep them all short like this so its digestible-- it seems to be people prefer this. i love writing ricky in an academic setting, it just works so well for him. :) thank you as always for reading!

"Ow," you mumble, hand reaching to rub the spot on the back of your head where the sudden pain was felt. You look to your left, an eraser on the floor beside your desk that hadn't been there before. Behind you, a familiar snickering sounds and you turn around to glare at the culprit.

Ricky smiles back at you smugly, eyebrows raised as if he's challenging you to make a fuss. But you know better by now than to get into it with the tall, blonde boy-- white, collared shirt unbuttoned at the top and red, striped tie loosened fashionably around his neck.

It hadn't always been this way. You study his smile, trying to find any remnants of warmth hidden beneath the cool surface. How did someone once so familiar to you become suddenly unrecognizable?

You turn back around to face the front of the classroom, picking your pen up and doodling in the margins of your quiz that you'd completed only ten minutes into the allotted half-hour. A few months ago, Ricky would have been done with his quiz early too.

Now he doesn't even have to take it.

Carefully, you glance over your shoulder again at the boy who used to be your friend. You watch as his group of popular friends joke with him in the back of the class, a pretty cheerleader passing him a small piece of paper with a shy smile on her face. Ricky smirks at the note as he unfolds it, putting his pen to the paper and writing a response before passing it back to her.

You're watching him so intently now that you forget that you were trying to be stealthy and you're only reminded when his eyes meet yours unexpectedly. All of the air leaving your lungs, your eyes widen in shock and your cheeks heat in embarrassment. Ricky narrows his eyes at you suspiciously and you turn back around as quickly as humanly possible.

"Pens down," your teacher announces, signaling a chorus of frustrated groans from your classmates who weren't able to finish the test in time. She collects your tests-- clearing her throat disapprovingly as she passes Ricky, who undoubtedly hands in another blank paper for the umpteenth time this semester.

After Ms. Seo places all of the tests on her desk, she returns to the front of the classroom and picks up a marker from the whiteboard. In big red letters, she writes:

THE BABY PROJECT

A wave of curious whispers flows throughout the classroom as everyone turns to their friends to figure out what these words could mean. Your brow furrows as you try to work out what project you could possibly be assigned that had to do with babies...

"I have some very exciting news to share today," your teacher announces excitedly, clasping her hands together under her chin. Ms. Seo is one of those teachers that's incredibly invested in learning and desperately wants all of her students to share the same passion-- and when they don't, they're in for some serious consequences.

Though there were apparently exceptions to everything.

"This week, I received word that our class was approved to participate in The Baby Project!" Ms. Seo exclaims, waiting for the class to react. When all of her students just stare back at her blankly, she sighs. "Maybe you kids are too young to remember when our school used to participate in this several years ago. The Baby Project is an assignment in which two students will work together for two weeks to parent a newborn baby together!"

The gasps and protests that ring throughout the classroom are deafening and your overly optimistic teacher bounces on her toes jubilantly, mistaking the roars of outrage for enthusiasm.

"Yes, I know: it's all so exciting!" Ms. Seo exclaims, walking over and retrieving a large box from behind her desk. She drags it to the front of the room and opens the top to reveal:

"WAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Ms. Seo pulls what appears to be a baby doll out of the box, clad in a little teddy-bear-printed diaper and screaming bloody murder.

"Do you wanna be my partner?" You hear the pretty cheerleader from earlier ask Ricky behind you. After a long moment, you hear Ricky laugh flirtatiously in response and you have to work to keep from audibly scoffing.

"Yeah, I'll raise a baby with you if you want," he jokes and the way his friends react boisterously paints the scene for you without having to steal a glance. You roll your eyes to yourself at Ricky's newfound "rizz" (or whatever). You knew for a fact that, at least before this semester started, he hadn't even had his first kiss yet.

Of course, by the looks of it, that probably wasn't the case anymore.

"Pairs will be randomly assigned, regardless of gender, and you will receive one baby simulator that you will be responsible for parenting for the next two weeks," you teacher explains, cradling the screaming doll in her arms until it finally quiets down. "The baby is monitored carefully by an internal computer system that will record specifics such as care events, abuse, temperature, and clothing changes."

"The baby will begin to fuss at realistic intervals throughout the 24-hour period and you will need to figure out the baby's particular need in that moment in order to calm them," Ms. Seo says, reaching into the box again and pulling out a baby bottle, as well as two onesies and a little cap. "This bottle contains a sensor that the baby simulator will recognize and the thin onesie and the thick onesie and hat provided will have to be used depending on the baby's temperature."

"How does this sound to everyone?" Your teacher asks excitedly, to which she is met with another outpour of outrage. "I'm so glad you're all just as eager to start this assignment as I am! If there's no further questions, I'll announce the pairs for our project."

You look around the room nervously, not sure who you'd like to be assigned as your partner for two weeks. If you were being honest, you didn't know anyone in your class very well...

Except for Ricky.

Being assigned the boy that hadn't handed in an assignment for three months for such a time-consuming and painstaking project would be far worse than being paired up with a random peer. You nod to yourself, exhaling deeply as you try to convince yourself that working on this project with a stranger might not be so bad. Maybe you could finally make a new friend.

"Our first pair is... Elizabeth and Ally!" Ms. Seo announces happily, waving for the girls to come up to the front to receive their baby simulator. The girl named Ally holds the baby by one arm and Ms. Seo stifles a scream as she rushes to position the simulator correctly in the student's arms.

Ms. Seo laughs nervously. "You kids are gonna be in for a rude awakening! Our next pair is... Eungi and Sam."

The process continues of your teacher calling the project pairs and the students receiving their baby simulators. Your leg shakes with anxiety as you look around the room to see who hasn't been called yet. There's a girl to your left that you think is named Marissa who had smiled at you a few times before...

"The next pair is... (Y/N) and--," Ms. Seo squints, seemingly unable to make out her own handwriting as she draws the paper closer to her face. "Oh, I see now..."

Smiling, she calls:

"It's (Y/N) and Ricky!"

[urbanshade-hadal-blacksite]

Picking the number 3 for the book u hate

ok im finally home i can answer this now YAYYYY

my summer of love and misfortune by lindsay wong. oh my god. fucking dies i fucking hate this book it can go to hell for all i care.

my summer of love and misfortune is about a girl named iris wang whose summer is going to shit. her boyfriend cheats on her, she doesn't get into any colleges, she racks up $6k on her credit card, and feels like she doesn't fit in anywhere as a chinese-american. her parents decide to send her to beijing to help her connect with her chinese culture, and iris agrees, but she doesn't expect to meet Extremely rich family members who are essentially celebrities in china !!!

i was excited to read this book. the premise was interesting and i like books that have a diverse cast of characters :) but. oh my god. ohhh my god.

this book fucking SUCKED. there is not one decent character in this book. iris is the most vain, stuck-up, self-absorbed, NAIVE piece of shit you've ever met. it's insane how genuinely stupid she is sometimes - she mentions at one point that she doesn't even know how family trees work??? my god you are EIGHTEEN you should know that your cousins have the same grandparents. and she admits to having no idea how global warming works. AND she apparently doesn't know what museums are, and got confused as to why nobody was haggling for any of the relics. she never grows as a person until the last few chapters. her horrible behavior is excused at nearly every turn. her own parents call her a loser to her face which i thought was really funny. yessss you deserved that in full

she's so WHINY about going to beijing too?? like. she starts talking about how cruel her parents are and how she must be adopted, but instead of this being a one-time complaint, she starts becoming obsessed with the idea and starts looking up famous chinese celebrities that she "must actually be the daughter of" and she believes this with her entire heart. not to mention that she has... nearly nothing going for her. she's such an unlikeable character and the only thing she has going for her is how much she likes to shop. she actually compares shopping to an extreme sport as an excuse for not having any other hobbies. i think iris has something called compulsive spending, but not once is this ever brought up as a bad thing, and she never really "learns" to be better at spending.

and she has an INCREDIBLE victim complex AND superiority complex. it's insane. she moans and wails about how cruel the world has been to her while simultaneously calling herself a genius for doing basically nothing. in fact, the love interest of this book exists to basically be iris' doormat and enable her victim complex.

when iris lands in beijing, her rich family members (namely her uncle and aunt) offer to get her a tutor to teach her chinese. iris had been upset about not being able to speak chinese, but then later she acted as if she were too good for chinese lessons. she compared the sounds of chinese to an alien language. she ditched her chinese tutor (the love interest) to go shopping. do you understand how much i hate this book.

there IS a transformation here. her rich uncle wants to bulldoze over poor neighborhoods to build luxury hotels, and when iris visits said neighborhoods, she finally FINALLY gets character development. she finally starts thinking of something other than herself. but this development is so rushed and basically told to the reader rather than shown, making it feel incredibly fake.

im not even going to comment on any other side characters because they sucked. all of them. every single character in this book sucked. lindsay wong you can't write a character-driven book if all the characters suck

okay errmmm thats all i think !!! my summer of love and misfortune is genuinely the worst out of all the books i hate and i don't recommend reading it. at all. find something else to read

[starrylothcat]

Hey dear! For your follower celebration, I want to drop in three fics.

One is a little drabble from @kaminocasey called Dance with Me, a very fluffy SFW Echo x Reader piece.

The second is called Dominoes, a very long fix-it fic where Domino squad wakes up on Kamino as cadets ... but with memories of how they all died. They feel the force guiding them as they go through the timeline of events as we know it ... but change things so they survive and can try to save the Republic (as both Echo and Fives can piece together what really happened for the others). Note: This is still an ongoing series.

And the third is called Ghosts of Coruscant. The premise is what if Padme survives, but agrees to fake her death so Darth Vader won't search the galaxy for her or her kids. It's Obi-wan and Yoda's plan to ensure everyone's safety. Leia goes to the Organas, and Padme visits when she can, same with Luke with the Skywalkers, and Padme herself helps Bail with the Rebellion.

Until she's captured and set to be interrogated by Darth Vader, the Sith son of a bitch who killed her husband. Or so Obi-wan told her.

(There is a fourth here I'd like to shout out but I can't find it or remember the title. Basically it's another fix-it fic where Anakin remembers what happened on Mortis and the wibbly wobbly look into the future time stuff means he understands what happened to make him Vader. Not only does he reveal Palpatine and the chips, he leaves the Jedi order to help Padme clear out the corruption in the Senate and actively helps advocate for clone rights. It's interesting because it deals with the implications of changing the timeline. Anakin owns everything he did in the alternate reality as Vader but didn't do it in this timeline, making things messy. He also mourns Luke ... who, like Leia, isn't born because changing events meant changing the day they were conceived.)

Again, congrats on the followers, you are amazing so it's no wonder we all adore you! And may I just say this is the cutest way to celebrate!!!

Thank you @littlemissmanga for your nice words 😭😍

Dance With Me is SOOOO SWEEEET omg. Echo melts my heart every time!

Dominoes sounds heart wrenching and super intriguing!

The other two also sound incredible. I always wondered what would have happened if Padme hadn’t of died, and how that would play out / change the course of the war.

I’m always weak for “what if” fics!

Thanks for the shout outs, my reading list is getting longer!!!

Starry’s Spread the Love Event

[whatyourusherthinks]

SPY x FAMILY CODE: White Review

Ugh. I don't like anime. I can't really justify why, because things I don't like about anime is also found in stuff I like, like superhero comics or kaiju movies. There was already an anime movie in our theater. It was called Dragon Slayer or Demon Slayer or something, either way I didn't watch it because I haven't seen the anime. I haven't seen the SPY x FAMILY anime either, but I have read the manga. It's something that I can only read in very small bursts, but I do keep up with it. So I have no excuse to not watch this movie. I watched the sub version, but keep in mind I'd still complain about the voice acting in the dub.

What's The Movie About?

For convoluted reasons, a spy needs a fake family for a mission. He adopts a little girl who is psychic, fakes a marriage with an assassin, and they adopt a dog who can see the future. For other convoluted reasons, the family takes a vacation up north.

Honestly, if you don't already know the premise of the show, don't watch the movie. Not that you won't understand what is happening, it is pretty straightforward. But there are plenty of minor elements and character dynamics it skips over because the movie expects that the only people watching are people who've seen the series.

What I Like.

So the set-up of SPY x Family is really good. The main characters are great, and the idea of an entire family with each member having a major secret is a really good comedy premise. And the movie is just playing the greatest hits really. Do you like the joke where Yor is freakishly strong and no one seems to notice? They have that joke. Do you like the joke that Nightfall is obviously in love with Twilight and he doesn't notice? They have that joke. Do you like the joke of Anya mispronouncing every other word? What is wrong with you?

I will admit, I was down on the movie until the ending. The ending is pretty awesome, real damn fun, and gorgeously animated. It's almost always balls-to-the wall action, and all of the action looks really cool. The way they showcase motion is incredibly impressive. To be frank, I was barely paying attention until the climax started, then I was grinning. Every family member gets several moments to shine as well, it's incredibly fun. Yor fights a cyborg from Wolfenstein, it's amazing.

What I Didn't Like.

This movie takes a while to get going. In fact, the first half of the movie is really random. Part of the reason why is because they want to showcase every minor character in the series for at least a second, and part of it is because they are trying to be a showcase of every story beat the series pulls. Subplots kinda just come out of nowhere and resolve themselves are weird moments, never to be mentioned again. And the comedy, for me personally, is very hit and miss. The tone itself is hit or miss as well, thinking about it. One second we'll be focusing on the wacky side character obsessed with fortune-telling, then that wacky side character has a serious conversation about CUTTING OPEN A CHILD, then there is a hallucination sequence involving a poop god. All back to back. My final two criticisms are incredibly personal, and I don't know how many people will agree with me. One, I find Anya's voice annoying. I don't usually find how character's sound that bothersome. (Gurgy from the Black Cauldron doesn't bother me at all, actually. Neither does Jar Jar.) But for some reason she does. I think it's the combination of the volume of her voice with her "cutesy" way for talking. Two, THE MOVIE KEPT TEASING ME WITH MY SHIP. I, like many other fans I suspect, want Loid and Yor to end up together for real. They are, as the bards of the interwebs say, OTP. If they actually end up together I suspect it won't be until the end of the series. If it turns out something else, I would be sad but not disappointed I suppose. But I could do without all the almost kissing and getting intimate until Yor punches Loid and all of that kind of thing. It feels like being at a busy restaurant while starving, seeing the server heading towards your table with a tray of food, but them turning the corner right when they should arrive at your table.

Final Summation.

Honestly, thinking back to my experience, I mostly just remember the finale. That finale is really fun! But I think I'd rather just watch it isolated on YouTube or something. Which isn't to say the rest of the movie is bad necessarily. I guess my recommendation come to this: If you like SPY x FAMILY, you will like this movie. If you've never seen the show, but are interested in the premise, maybe check out the movie to see if you'd be interested in delving deeper. Otherwise, there's more fun and interesting movie out right now.

[the-one-where-casey-watches-tv]

Jury Duty episode 1.03 "Foreperson"

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen on tv in a really long time. I’m so happy for Ronald- literally no one else in the world has had this experience and he was such a champ. I was pulled in by the premise- a guy reports for jury duty and essentially walks into The Truman Show. Ronald Gladden was appointed to a jury that was sequestered for 17 days, without access to his phone, and without knowing that the case is fabricated and everyone he interacts with the entire time is an actor. It actually sounds crazy to describe, and I initially started it with morbid curiosity because I didn’t see how this could possibly be an okay thing to do to someone.

But Jury Duty is somehow an incredibly wholesome, heartwarming, and hysterical piece of work. I can’t get over how much they lucked out with Ronald- he was so genuine and present and really did his best with all these bizarre situations. Just down for anything. This could definitely have gone another way with a different type of person, but the acting feat involved with the rest of the cast staying in character for days on end is also almost shocking.

Ronald’s laid back and willing attitude put my concerns for his wellbeing to bed pretty much immediately, but this episode is where I got fully invested. Ronald had just been appointed foreperson of the jury, which seems to just mean that he has to handle it when everyone else does weird stuff during the case.

To start with, Todd is wearing his chants (chair pants) to court today. No description can do them justice, you gotta see them, but they’re basically crutches with kneepads on top that attach around his waist so he can lean back into them and sit. He’s really proud of his invention, but he makes a scene everywhere they go because “the only part that is slightly inconvenient about these is interacting with other chairs while you’re wearing them”. When attempting to walk through the metal detector at the courthouse, the security guard just says “no”, and Todd then spends several minutes removing them inside the courtroom at the judge’s request. This all sounds too silly to believe, but I think David Brown’s performance is so realistic. And what would it take for you to start wondering if everyone and everything around you is fake?

Susan Berger, Ronald Gladden, Mekki Leeper, Ross Kimball, and Edy Modica in Jury Duty. Image courtesy of IMDb.

Todd is embarrassed after having to take off his chants in front of everybody, which makes Ronald feel bad- and admit that he may have given Todd the inspiration for chants when he showed him A Bug’s Life over the weekend. He thought that Todd might appreciate the nice tale “about the bug who’s making these inventions. He’s trying to introduce technology into their lives. That’s exactly what Todd is trying to do. You know, that’s what he’s passionate about. And I think it’s really cool. So I showed him that movie to kind of let him know that, you know, those people tend to be misunderstood in society, just like it’s portrayed in the movie. You know, he’s kind of an outcast. And all he’s trying to do is just help in his own way.”

This is both the funniest and sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s such a funny, silly thing that it’s amazing it wasn’t scripted. Ronald just decided to show this guy A Bug’s Life over the weekend. And David Brown hung out with him and watched it, in character.

Barbara, meanwhile, can’t stay awake during the depositions. Ronald taps her several times to wake her up, but the judge finally adjourns for a coffee break, telling Ronald to keep his jury in line. He understandingly pleads with Barbara to stay awake, and she reassures him that she just ate a cookie that has “sativa and Dexedrine in it”. Ronald was asked to keep her awake, not monitor her drug use, so he just laughs and says “as long as you don’t fall asleep”.

Barbara doesn’t fall asleep. Suddenly, she is very invested in the case, gasping and reacting to every twist in the testimony. Afterwards, Ronald gushes about how proud he is of her, innocently saying she must have taken a new interest in the case.

This stand-up behavior from Ronald continues throughout the case, even as the situations get weirder and weirder. The concept of Jury Duty seems like it’s opening new doors in comedy, but I can’t imagine this ever being replicated. It was a really involved, risky experiment that managed to turn out perfectly. Please watch it and tell me your favorite part.

[randomidiocyncrazies]

rewatching and taking notes on the vampire murder mystery before the reveal tomorrow, and imo Raoul (the younger son) seems pretty suspicious upon rewatching?

(watch me be totally wrong XD)

timeline of the case:

ⵜ 12:00-12:30 - family meal with everyone present (last time Mom was seen alive)

ⵜ 12:30-1:00 - Dad, older son and daughter in study together; younger son in his room; maid cleaning up the kitchen; butler in office

ⵜ 1:00-1:30 - Dad and younger son out hunting (younger son tagged along less than 1 min after Dad started to leave); older son in his room; daughter with maid in laundry room; butler in office

    [storage room was normal when Dad left for hunt]

ⵜ just after 1:30 - Mom’s body discovered

the characters assume the murder was committed between around 1:00-1:30, but I think the murder actually happened earlier than that—because i think the silver stake is a diversion and not the real murder weapon (and the assumed time of death hinges on the stake being the murder weapon).

It’s significant that the creators depict Raoul giving a look to the maid during Aya’s interrogation of their alibis, so the look is definitely significant in some way. she seems afraid/pressured by him, so she was definitely knows something about him that he doesn’t want the others to know—it could be him drinking her blood (with the Dad being a staunch human ally he’d never allow his son to drink a human’s blood), but she could also be his (unwilling?) accomplice in something more sinister, or simply saw him being suspicious/not in his room at the time he said he was. her comment about being adept in draining the blood of creatures could explain why Mom’s blood is on the silver stake.

speaking of the stake... upon rewatching ep 2, Raoul is the one who brings up the silver stake after the hunt and calls it dangerous, almost as if he wanted to draw his Dad’s attention to it. the discarded lock was also broken in a way that strongly suggests brute strength, which points towards a vampire. along with the broken lock, the bloodied stake is also laid out in an incredibly eye-catching manner... almost as if it’s designed to catch attention.

After all, if Dad and anyone who came sniffing around thought the stake was the murder weapon, then nobody would think to look for the real murder weapon/question the time of murder. plus the silver will divert any investigators’ attention towards the vampires, since they would not be able to heal the burns by normal means, and rather neatly frames humans/hunters as the perpetrators. (Aya also raised a good point by questioning why the killer would remove the stake from the crime scene, only to leave it in the store room—the only way it makes sense to me with the information given is if the stake is a fake out to divert attention) 

there’s also the fact that ep 3 establishes that silver stakes aren’t carried by all hunters, and it’s very likely that the old (dead) hunter and the mansion’s inhabitants are the only ones who knew there is a silver stake on the premise. Since we’re only introduced to silver and holy water as things that would injure a vampire in any meaningful sense, i assume the hunters who don’t carry silver use holy water to kill their prey. i’d like to know how common silver stakes are in the hunter community, since that seems significant to the case— the young hunter seems surprised at the silver stake, so it might’ve been an unusual choice? i’m not 100% sure what this clue is supposed to do though, other than confirming that the killer isn’t an intruder and/or that they missed something in the frame-up (if silver stakes are rare, then framing the murder as “hunter broke in and murdered the lady of the house using the confiscated silver stake” would’ve been off, since there’s no reason for the intruder to assume there’s a silver stake on the premises even if they knew the vampire family had caught and taken the previous hunter’s tools. from the young hunter’s reaction in ep 3, it sounds like people knew the old hunter died, but not about the silver stake that Goddard took from him)

aside from the stake, there’s also holy water at the crime scene, but the bottle that presumably carried it in is dusty on the inside, and seems to be deliberately left behind by the killer. We know that the holy water could only be used after the Mom’s death in this case, as her body does not bear wounds that indicates scorching from holy water. if the stake is indeed the murder weapon, why bother with the holy water after death? it could be done to confuse investigators, but it seems rather pointless—unless the holy water is directly linked to the real murder weapon/she was killed by holy water, not the silver stake. given that the only wound she had was the hole in her heart and there wasn’t a murder weapon on scene when the body was discovered... is it possible that the murder weapon was a stake made out of frozen holy water? that way the murder weapon would 1) instantly kill Mom, since vampires cannot heal the burns created by silver or holy water (she wouldn’t be able to heal the wound, causing her to bleed out), 2) melt afterwards, so the real murder weapon can disappear without a trace, and 3) the melted holy water won’t cause new wounds on Mom’s body after she died, thus successfully creating the illusion that the silver stake killed her. Assuming vampires can detect the presence of holy water, presumably the killer deliberately left the bottle behind to “explain” the presence of holy water at the crime scene (that is to say the bottle might not have actually carried any holy water, it’s just there to create a plausible explanation).

however, this theory doesn’t really answer the question of why the holy water bottle is dusty on the inside, since you’d expect the killer to want a clear bottle to sell the illusion better. there’s also blood on the lip, which isn’t accounted for. we also never really got an answer for whether a vampire can avoid holy water wounds (we only got info on the silver, and even that was vague—Dad never said they can’t avoid wounds made by silver, he just said they’re psychologically predisposed to avoid touching it), so the fact that Raoul has uninjured hands might stop this theory in its tracks if it turns out vampires cannot avoid wounds made by holy water even if they didn’t touch it directly etc. 

it also doesn’t take the conflicting accounts between the noises into account (i.e. butler can’t hear any noises, while older son hears three gunshots deep in the forest etc). i assume this discrepancy is meant to establish that vampire senses are much sharper than human senses, and Raoul not hearing anything in his room from 12:30-1:00 might be significant, but it also debunks the idea that Raoul broke the storage room lock in the time between his father leaving the storage (when there’s nothing out of the ordinary) and him joining his father on the hunt, since presumably all the vampires would hear him break the lock.

TL;DR: I think the murder weapon is not the stake, which is a diversion. the real murder weapon is directly linked to the holy water, and it’s possible that it’s a stake made of frozen holy water, and the time of death is somewhere between 12:30 to around 1:00. I think Raoul is suspicious, mostly by process of elimination but also because he seems very keen on diverting attention onto the stake. However, this theory fails to answer everything neatly, so there’s a fair chance that i done goofed and drew the wrong conclusion (in which case sorry Raoul, my bad)

[zahri-melitor]

Okay because I am setting my expectations as low as possible in the hopes I get to be pleasantly surprised, here is the history of Black Canary as a solo title at DC:

Black Canary 1991: 4 issue miniseries. Probably best described as 'mediocre'. Dinah discovers Ollie's being an unemployed dropkick who has been stealing/borrowing money from the Sherwood Florist till and not accounting for it; out of her frustration at him she goes and beats up a drug cartel and white supremacists with the help of her new friend Gan Ngyuen, who would be a better boyfriend to Dinah than Ollie is being right now. In conversation with her Grell appearances, but seriously underestimates Dinah's actual skillset.

Black Canary 1993: 12 issue ongoing. Dinah's basically broken up with Ollie for the whole of this, which is completely fine by me, as Ollie uses some of his appearances in this book to accuse Dinah of sleeping with Ray Terrill. Who is 18 and was trying to look after the injured superhero who turned up on his doorstep. Time to go die in a firey helicopter crash, Ollie, you are terrible in the early 90s. Anyway, this is an incredibly uneven run that covers topics like Dinah's backstory, why Ray Terrill develops the biggest puppy crush on Dinah, and also the very first Nightwing-Oracle-Huntress-Black Canary team up. Tragically despite the compelling characterisation going on in this title between the four of them, the story they are in is a white slavery plot, rendering it almost impossible to recommend to people who aren't the sort to read every single appearance of a character.

Black Canary 2007: 4 issue miniseries. This would actually have been a compelling story apart from its intent and outcome. Dinah and Ollie, in the lead up to their wedding, grapple with combining their families and Dinah works with integrating Sin into the US educational system. Unfortunately, Sin is abducted and then Ollie fakes her death and doesn't tell Dinah what he's done, as he makes Connor take her off to one of the Himalayan monasteries various Arrows and companions have spent time at. Sin does not get to attend their wedding, and for some reason Dinah does not tell Ollie it's off even though he just faked Sin's death and lied to her about it.

Black Canary and Zatanna: Bloodspell 2014: Graphic novel. Paul Dini's pet project that he spent the best part of a decade trying to get DC to publish. The only decent Dinah solo on this list, it's not actually a Dinah solo because it's co-starring Zee. Dinah and Zatanna met each other as teens trying to live up to the expectations of their families, then reunite in Vegas after some of Dinah's friends tell her that someone's made them swear a magic oath to take part in a heist, and it's killing them. Hijinks ensue! This is the only title of any of them on this list that's actually full of joy. Please read it.

Black Canary 2015: 12 issue ongoing. 'What if Dinah decided to make Black Canary be the stage name of a musician in a band rather than a superhero?' Does this have any connections to previous Dinah characterisation? Not really, no. Does it sound like the premise of an Elseworlds rather than main continuity, even for n52? Yes. Dinah decides being a superhero is just too much work, so she'll be in a band instead, aside from all those times she needs to stop singing to fight crime in the audience. Contains a time travel plot involving Kurt Lance, aka the worst decision DC has ever made in regards to Dinah's love life, and I'm including Ra's al Ghul and marrying Ollie on that list. I think they made Kurt Lance save the universe but I admit I was hatereading at that point. The final issue has Dinah have her life flash before her eyes while retconning out most of the n52 changes to her characterisation and also suggesting she got pregnant with Ollie's baby at age 53 before dying of a mystery disease at age 69.

EDIT: Reminded of the Teen Book

Black Canary: Ignite 2019: DC teen graphic novel. Written by Meg Cabot, this is one of their teen alternate continuity rewrites set around the awkward period when Dinah was a teen and wanting to be a superhero like her mother, but Dinah Drake was firmly refusing to train her. Contains Larry Lance and is actually set in Gotham! (this is a good thing) On the other hand, maintains the 'was in a band' concept from Black Canary 2015, which personally I would rather stuff into a black hole never to be seen again, but angry teens singing in bands is a genre conceit for a reason. It's cute.

So really. Why would I let myself get my hopes up over Black Canary Volume 5?