#the point is: ignore me please I'm just
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Honestly the more I think about it I think part of the reason I can't chill out and just enjoy the movie is like I'm terrified in five years we're gonna get a shitty sequel and/or prequel to the Wicked story and everyone's gonna decide that the problem is people hate musicals now and not that Hollywood cannot fucking let sleeping dogs lie
#my heart is cold and shriveled I'm so sorry#also I'm mentally preparing for people accusing the sequel of queerbaitinf#the point is: ignore me please I'm just#ughh I want. musical movies but I want them to be good and if wicked does well we might get that#or an increased interest in proshots#like it is GOOD if this movie does well I just don't trust Hollywood as an industry#you know at least we'll get Ariana Grande's look of quiet devastation in Thank Goodness whenever part 2 comes out#god thank good ness is so underrated#sorry this is going to be unrelated but if I could get this#the trying to convince you're happy because you have everything you ever wanted but not your girlfriend#i#I'm chewing#ok I just sold myself on the sequel nevermind
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does the Fresh in this multiverse have a different view on drugs than his original counterpart?
- ALT - FRESH: Heck yeah I do!
FRESH (OG)
NO DRUGS!!
Pet furby
Existential crisis
Gender depends on body
FRESH (DRUGGIEVERSE)
Don't abuse drugs!
Pet Tomodachi
LSD Makes it worse
GENDERFLUID!!
- Extra ALT - FRESH: Also brah I'm like everyone uber driver or whatev's FRESH: P chill honestly FRESH: Mostly for PJ n Grad's tho, cuz they gots school in stuffs :P
- IDK - I was contemplating on adding drawing's to "Extra ALT" but TBH it didn't make sense cuz it wasn't related to the ask, so if there's any extra info a character might say but isn't related to the as i'll just add an "Extra ALT" for funs -w-
MAIN: @inkyu
Back | Start | Next
#Character Ask#I would've finished this on the 23rd but something came up and I got super heated and needed a break#this isn't targeted at you asker this is targeted at someone in me and others DNI (feel free to ignore/please ignore)#When we say “DNI” it means DO NOT FUCKING INTERACT#I get it you miss your friends but we left your for a REASON!! WHY WON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DID WRONG!! 😭#It's annoying to me how much this person just won't accept the fact that none of us want anything to do with them#I only talked to them again ONCE because I felt like I owed them but that was just my BPD and them being my favorite person talking and jus#I think I might've made them think they have a chance at talking it out with everyone (they aren't my FP anymore btw and I'm glad they aren#but yeah in short something came up and I got super heated to the point I needed to take a break from anything to calm down#tag time ig#ask the druggieverse#atdv#fresh sans#fresh#fanart#undertale au#utau#undertale multiverse#utmv#undertale
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Hellooooo! 👋
Thank you again for taking my previous request with the immortal x reincarnation Headcannons 🥺 I forever love that trope to death
I enjoy seeing others Headcannons for the guys💖 thus why i’m requesting another Headcannons for once again, the Kitsunes
Since it’s December 👀 do you think you could come up with some Headcannons for what the three Kits would do on Christmas?
Like Aki trying to trap Santa for example🥺
SO! 👏
A quick history lesson to preface this! (Which I had to google, these fox idiots and fan fics involving them have me googling so much lately)
While Christmas first appeared in Japan in the 16th century, it wasn't widely celebrated until the Meiji Era (1868-1912)
If we take their release date as the canon date for things (so they got foxified 200 years prior to their release) that means they got turned into foxes around 1823, aka the Edo Period
So yeah, they have been foxes for the whole of christmas being a major/regular thing in japan and also being kitsune probably did not even celebrate it cause it might be competition???? (would they bro out with Jesus or try and fist fight him in a parking lot?????? surely not on the dude's birthday! No one is that cruel)
but yeah, it's safe to say their christmas this year (or maybe in 2023 cause they WERE released on December 5th, how quickly did you unfox them??) with you is like---- their first christmas EVER
ALSO SPEAKING OF CHRISTMAS IN JAPAN
it's considered a couples' holiday-- or at least one you spend with friends at a party or something
sooooo with that being said
Aki:
ya know originally when you said he'd try to catch santa I was like 'nah' but then I thought about it and like
actually you're so right??
he totally would though
at least he would try
is he gonna ransom santa??
beat him up???
strike some kind of deal for presents???
JUST VIBE WITH THE DUDE????
even he's not sure, he's gonna see how it goes
I think he's very santa focused until he hears that christmas is a couple's holiday
then his gears shift so so fast
and don't even get me STARTED about after he heard about mistletoe
his santa trap plans become you trap plans so quickly
and all of them end with you kissing him
also he heard there's cake and fried chicken and frankly
he thought all this was really silly when he first heard it but it's low key one of his favorite holidays now
Haru:
Hoe hoe hoe
okay but no LISTEN
there's this saying that the most sex in japan is happening on christmas or something to that tune
so like
Haru has known about this holiday for a while
he's actually the only one who knew about it before hand
though his views on it are very like-----
in a horny japanese way
he only knows it as the go to a party and getting laid holiday
which fair
but yeah
his views on things sort of change a little now that he's got his powers back and is not stuck in fox mode for the first time during this holiday
well-- his views haven't changed but the mood has for him
he's still wanting to take you out and wine and dine you and also end up back at one of your places
but 1) it's more romantic to him now than just a fun lay like it would've been before you
and 2) frankly this is just his usual m.o. just more christmas flavored
it's like a pre-valentine's day as far as he's concerned
aka another excuse to take you out, show you off, give you a good time then end the night with some alone time back at your place <3
Fuyu:
The oldest and most shinto-y of the bunch, he's the most taken aback by this holiday
he doesn't hate it or anything but he does see it as humans doing kooky human things
but you've opened him up to a lot of new experiences recently so ya know what??
alright!
let's go out and have a modern little christmas date
it's different but it could be fun!
and it is fun actually
he tries a lot of new things and he actually has a good amount of fun with you
it's very much a cute little sweet christmas date
he tries fried chicken for the first time
well, okay--- yakitori exists but my understanding is that that's more grilled, and tempura exists but that's sort of different to like------- KFC style deep fried shit
he's def had stuff like it but not like---- KFC ya know????
he likes it fine
lil greasy for his taste but it's nice for a treat
but yeah it's mostly just a pleasant little date, you and him just kinda enjoying the sights and sounds together in this new world that he refused to partake in for so long
and it def ends with a christmas cake
and maybe you showing him mistletoe
aaaand maybe telling him about the spike in spicy times if you feel so inclined ;3
#blush blush game#bear text#blush blush#bear talks#bb game#sad panda studios#kitsune bundle#haru#fuyu#aki#also I want it on the record that I am a dumb slightly drunk white bitch talking about christmas in japan#but also like---------#japan and it's relationship to christmas and the christian faith are just#wildly different than it is in the states#it's just a very different creature in a santa hat#not bad OBVS but yeah idk I just couldn't fully ignore the fact that they're like#dead ass fox spirits from a different religion#they're literally creatures from a different faith from a whole ass different country and a long rich history with said faith#IDK WHAT MY POINT IS#other than I'm white and dumb and please don't yell at me I guess?????#also that sex thing is legit a thing I've heard a handful of times but who the fuck knows if it's actually true#probably not now a days I feel like most shit like that that was like#A THING back in the 80s and 90s isn't actually A Thing anymore like that across the world#still fun to play with though lol
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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Zutaras are really the original self-insert, "we understand the story soooooo much better than everybody else" girlies and they just never moved on
#anti zutara#no offense to anyone who ships it and follows me but I'm so over the shipping wars of this show that aired almost 20 years ago 😭#at some point you guys are gonna need to hang it up cause there's a sequel series and these people are married with children like...#we get it if you were Katara you would've chosen Zuko but guess what?! you aren't and need to stop projecting onto her#the pretending to care about Katara is what really gets me cause she's never even implied to have romantic feelings for him#or vice-versa + it ignores her anger towards him and how long it took her to forgive him + rightfully so#criticizing the writing for Kataang is one thing but turning around and shipping Zutara while doing so is crazy work#ship it if you want but please stop pretending it makes more sense when both Zuko and Katara have their own separate romances 😭#love how people have to age Aang down + infantilize him and erase Mai to make it work but sure it's the better option#stop erasing Katara's arc and development just to claim that Aang brings her down when she's been a bad-ass since season 1#reducing her arc to that ONE moment with Zuko and ignoring all of her other development just to prop up a ship is nasty#Katara isn't a reward for Aang and she sure as hell isn't one for Zuko stop belittling her like that#if y'all didn't watch ATLA when you were 12 and think Zuko was cute this ship wouldn't even exist#thinking about that post that said the writers /pandered to dudebros/ like we all weren't children the delusion is crazy sdfssdfsdfsd#also seeing AANG of all characters getting whacked for a ship...please get a life and stay away from him#antizutara
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I just need to be told "You Can Do It" right now.
#I've gotten about 3 hours of sleep within the last 48 hours and I'm still behind in my classes#I don't know how I'm supposed to keep up at this point#Just grinding constantly for hours every waking moment of my life#I'm stuck wondering the same things#'When will it slow down?'... 'Will it actually ever slow down?'#If it doesn't i don't think i can keep up#Full time in college and full time in work#However#every time i try to speak my troubles or stress to someone they just chuckle#and ignore me saying ''well college is like that. welcome to the adult world''#Why does college have to be like this? why is everyone so fine with this?#I'm very unmotivated right now#My grades are all low despite the numerous 100%s I've been getting#And they're not going back up no matter how many A+ s I get on assignments#I don't like talking to people - it scares me terribly#So i don't like it when I'm constantly forced to talk to over 10 people every time i go to school (talk to your professor they say#I like to think of my job at my second home#at least that's not too hard and i love the people#But I just need things to get less intense school-wise#Just for me to get a decent amount of sleep please#Just a little bit#Please#i don't know#I'm not going on hiatus no worries#I love my blog dearly and cannot abandon it for my mental health#I just need encouragement#Because I'm so tired#Sorry for the rant I hate to vent#I'll delete this later if i remember#💬
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4an thinking about Gale and Hollond obsessively. Absolute losers for each other. He fell in love first and they took a running leap off a (love) balcony and hasn't recovered. Gross. Romance. Blaming it on the moldy bread I ate earlier and the two hours of sleep I got -- more at 10.
#clam rambles#4 am posting into the void#ignore me please I'm just so tired rn#do it (finish chapter 2) for them clam... just do it!!#Gallond haunting me for years at this point#oooooh i hate them sm i just wanna sleeeeeeep#to delete l8r
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I'M HERE AGAIN HELLOO HIIIIII :D
question about vandermorgan cuz I'm curious....
do you have any headcanons and how do you see their relationship?
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/80b02a6f1f42e8daa1c8b59117e091f1/1809c39ea9e3a209-a2/s540x810/340d6b4f6f95c36d2818a776b102716851aac5ce.jpg)
They say a picture is worth a thousand words
#DVL and AMs relationship being a toxic feedback loop built on DVLs dependence on AM and AM seeing DVLs validation as something he needs#it's completely ripe for abuse. AM feels devalued by DVL but consistently puts him and his wants above all else and DVL takes and takes#because he needs his followers and sycophants and dreamers and sons and daughters and lovers and soldiers to make him more than what he is.#He thrived on AMs blind loyalty because it allowed him to indulge his own vain ideal of a rebellious leader championing his idea of freedom#and america and a mans own right to live his life however he pleased when he had someone else willing to die behind it.#I know it's touchy for some but the father/son aspect of their relationship regardless of it serving as another form of control reward and#punishment can't be ignored or minimised. DVL was a patriarchal figure not just to AM but the gang which impacted how they both tried to#define their relationship. It's boring to brush it away to sanitise their dynamic when taken to a romantic/sexual context. GET FREUDIAN NOW#They're like kitten daddy is going to kill himself if he doesnt get his tahiti money 🥺🥺🥺 If you loved me you'd get me a mango farm🥺🥺#Well that's the gist of it... and regarding your other ask: Nah I'm a native English speaker. I don't post art terribly often but thanks! I#want to redraw that old drawing at some point. Idk about good vibes but I'm pretty horizontal if were talking abusive cowboys.#asks#vandermorgan
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Ngl it's weird finishing the Knuckles tv show and going to tumblr about it only for people (even who I consider bigger name fans) who also watched the entire show to claim that it "confirmed Knuckles Wachowski"
Like
I'm sorry
Did you somehow miss the part in the last episode where Knuckles had a whole montage of hanging with the Whipple family and Wade and saying "home" or something?
#sonic the hedgehog#knuckles series#knuckles the echidna#knuckles 2024#knuckles whipple#sonic movie#knuckles 2024 spoilers#knuckles series spoilers#fandom wank#Sorry do you just think that this entire show was a sidequest so Knuckles could go back to the Wachowski house and be their kid now like#nothing ever happened?#In the show where episode 1 clearly showed that Knuckles couldn't mesh with the household and that Sonic considered him a roommate?#This place was not home for him. The show was about him finding home. How is the Wachowski household Knuckles' home after he had an epiphany#that his home was with the whipple family??#Ah wait sorry how could I forget. Sonic fans are just used to absorbing canon with a toothpick and picking the parts they like and then#claiming their headcanons for filling in the gaps are canon#Only the things they personally like are what happened of course#Sorry for being salty I'm just annoyed. Like you can have whatever headcanons or fanon you want. Heck I loved all those 'maddie is knuckles'#mom' comics and whatnot. I'm not even saying we have to interpret the media the same way. But Knuckles having a montage and calling being#with the whipple family 'home' happened. That happened.#A friend and I are running a bet that most people won't acknowledge that it happened unless Sonic movie 3 shoves it in our faces#The universe tests me every day by having put me into Sonic fandom. It is a constant test of one's soul not only to exist in proximity of a#community who you often disagree on big points with‚ but to watch a bunch of loud people claim things are canon but only accept textual#evidence when it serves them. Or to explain a little better#to watch a fandom try to build an 'accepted idea' of what canon is like that becomes so divorced from actual canon that you get people#saying that it's canon and ignoring anything that doesn't fit it because 'writing bad anyways'#Like guys please I am grasping your shoulders. If you don't like canon just say 'fuck you I'm going to make content of this because I think#it's better'. You don't have to assert that everything you believe is canon and ignore when it's not#i just be ramblin
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Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#True Villainy AU#Just ignore how many times I've said that up to this point lol - I'm serious this time!#I always feel so bad designing TVAU outfits because Charm is always so miserable as a model haha#Could this be a contributing factor as to why it's taken so long?? No I enjoy drawing her like that lol#Made some design notes about the important elements of what I want for her True Villain look - more than just ''Her but Kaiein influence''#I'd still really like a nod to dragon scales of some kind but honestly her classic design is more that#Always going on about her spider theming how to make it dragony! It's the one thing I'm still hung up on lol#As for the rest I think it's Really getting close :) I got to actually turn her little ''shawl'' - I always knew it was Kaiein-related -#Into something that properly mimics his shape! It's all controlled by her tho it's not a part of his body - just magic-infused matter#Made to look like him so there's still that creep factor but it's more her body than his - she can control its shape :D#And I got to keep the jewels! Yesss - made it a motif! Now it's also on her hips and knees to break up her visual space yes very good#It's drips :) Y'know - like ink :) Finally figured that one out lol good job setting up my own symbolism me#And then some elegant drapey bits to match her ''shawl'' and continue to break up her space!! Yes! Good!!#I still haven't decided on a colour palette I think black and white is too obvious and too Kaiein but hmmm - she has a lot of colours#Lots of options to pick from but which is the Correct one - her hair would stay pink so maybe some of her pinks or purples#I'll play with some digital swatches later :)#I'm also so glad I could implement the hood design from one of the scrapped outfits ah <3 I love her in a hood she's so cute#I'm rather pleased with the way the spider web design breaks up her form as well - it's more subdued than the full bottom/shoes stripes but#It's also not very clear here lol the long ones that all the way down to her feet are the third from the center ignore that second one#The second lines out from the center host her wings! Very important!#Kinda reminds me of my holosona in a way actually :0 They /are/ both Evil-aligned hmmmm#All the more reason to colour palette! Differentiate the colours in my head#Really do feel like I'm approaching it now fdjsklafd getting close now!!
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Me after seeing Belphie trying to cuddle up with MC like 10 minutes after The Incident™ :
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/dfc1017f8bcd216170a3235aa7c724c9/40eb28893ab148cc-d2/s400x600/d6ac57c972adf6333358bf541d4e76b4575e5d20.jpg)
#ignore the incorrect use of “your” i just downloaded the pic with the words already on it#obviously i was still nice to him because i love him but i at least want us to have a conversation about this please and thank you#I'm assuming we'll talk about it at some point but it seemed like we were all just breezing past it right after#i just started lesson 17 so we'll see what happens#obey me#obey me shall we date#om! shall we date#shall we date obey me#belphie obey me#belphegor obey me#obey me belphie#obey me belphegor#belphie om#belphegor om#om belphegor#om belphie#om! belphie#om! belphegor#obey-me-hoe-posts
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Me, after seeing fanart for an au I like: hey! This au idea is awesome! I think I’ll try to write something for it, but first I’ll just play around with the idea, you know? Write some notes, make an outline, have a few preliminary plot points down, just to get a feel for the characters in the setting
24 hours and over 6,000 words in notes, ideas, and very barebones scene concepts later: oh… oh no
#I swear to god if I don't finish this project#I don't know what I'll do but it'll be drastic#I spent ten minutes standing in a (thankfully empty) pet food aisle yesterday because an idea came to mind and I needed to write it down#I have plot points out the wazoo right now#I'm world building like I'm writing a D&D campaign and it's absolutely going to bite me in the ass#rambles#please ignore me#if you've been following my posts recently yes it's the#deadpool and wolverine proposal au#this shit's going to kill me I swear to god#that 6k count isn't including the 2k I have written for the actual story so far#that's just notes for this shit#this is what I get for liking insane old men and romcoms#hopelessly devoted to you fic
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show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw
#please ignore the rest of the tags i will just be making things up#okay they start out in carolina but at least half the episode takes place in dc. do not ask me how travel logistics would work#tory spends the entire episode off with tempe doing bone stuff. booth feels upstaged by a 16-year-old girl#so he goes and hangs out with ben who does NOT trust him right off the bat#ben ends up having to run him over to liri at some point because there's crime afoot and tom is busy. they spend most of the ride in silenc#ofc they end up bonding Eventually because they are both obsessed with crazy emotionally stunted redheads named t brennan#tory is more effective than any of the squinterns and manages to piss hodgins off so bad just by existing#coop hangs out in the lab as saroyan tries to kick him out thirty times. he just keeps showing up and she can't prove who's letting him in#(it's tempe.) angela loves tory but tory does not love angela back. saroyan tolerates her. sweets likes her but knows she's hiding somethin#comes to the conclusion that she can read her friends minds and slowly drives himself crazy because obviously that can't be true#tory brings hi along whenever she needs someone with people skills and he is MORE than happy to participate in a hodgins experiment#hi gets to be king of the lab for about ten minutes. shelton hits it off with angela immediately and they solve half the case together#booth fucking HATES hi because he's evasive and really good at the manipulation thing. booth can't win verbal sparring and he gets Big Mad#at one point the four of them are in an interrogation room together (MISTAKE) because tory had them meddling a little too close to the sun#and booth is trying so hard to question them which didn't work even when they COULDN'T read each other's minds#tory figures out who did it and hi steals her thunder a la shrek wasnt vandalized he gave birth#temperance tells tory 'i know you've got a secret sweets told me and even though i don't trust psychology i find he's insightful' etc etc#tory's like well i might be but i can't tell you it's not just my secret and you wouldn't believe me anyway#because let's be real tempe WOULDNT believe her#meanwhile saroyan convinced by sweets paranoia managed to get a sample of tory's blood and test it and is like HEY WHAT THE FUCK#gets hodgins and they just stare at the results together and delve into conspiracy theories. he's like i KNEW there were werewolves#they debate telling tempe but know it wouldnt end well for the kids and decide to get rid of the evidence. but hodgins is SO smug#also angela spends the whole episode trying to convince everyone hi and shelton are dating and no one believes her#they finally see them kiss or something and they're all somehow floored and angela's just like yeah? duh?#if anyone read this i'm sorry and why
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I HAD A REVELATION
okay so I was thinking about gender. My gender. And my feelings about being a cis girl over time.
When I was little I used to wear all kinds of dresses and wore nail polish and even occasionally makeup (but like. Sloppily as a 7 year old would lol) and how overtime I stopped wearing nail polish and stopped wearing dresses and despised make up. I dont really remeber why I stopped with nail polish. Maybe because it flaked off too easily or maybe I was sick of the few colors we had idk. I know I gradually stopped wearing dresses and night gowns because I was sick of being told I couldnt "put my legs up [up against the wall or just straight up in the air] or that I had to sit a certain way while wearing one. So I wore more and more pants.
I think about how i used to stand in the toys aisles while my mom did grocery shopping and look at "The Boys" section and think how much cooler it was than the girls section.
And I think about how my music teacher told us one day we'd hit puberty and we'd grow and us girls would be like "[in a high pitched voice] OH MY GOSH I LOVE BOYS AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT SO AND SO" and I looked over at my classmates and friends to see if they were also terrified of becoming annoying teenage boy-obsessed girls.
And i think about how when I was at my friend's house and we were building "tree forts" in the woods i would wish I had a penis for the convenience of being able to just go pee behind a tree, because squatting near the ground was Not Fun and I hated walking all the way back to the house. And I think about how I hated that I'd have to wear a bra once my boobs started to come in
Now you might be thinking. Friend I think you want[ed] to be a boy. But the thing is, i dont.
I may have hated being restricted in dresses but I dont actually hate them. I've gotten a couple dresses in the last 10 years (for prom and graduation and a [not my] wedding) and how I actually did like how I looked in them and enjoyed wearing them for that time.
I think about how I was jealous of the boys selection of toys, but also how I had a ton of barbies that I massively enjoyed and how if I'd been a boy I probably wouldnt have been able to enjoy them (thanks to pressure from society) as well as a bunch of other "girly" items and shows and movies. I think about how I'm actually Asexual and that I wasnt scared of becoming "a young woman", I just didnt understand the obsession with sex/romance/boyfriend&girlfriend stuff.
And while having a penis is more convenient for peeing I also remeber thinking that it would suck to get kicked in the balls and/or that trope of falling on soemthign between your legs that happens in so many movies (not that it feels any better with a vagina honestly). And that if I had been born a boy I'd most likely have to deal with all the toxic masculinity forced on me, and I'm glad I dont have to deal with that.
And while me and my boobs dont always get along, I remember that after getting my first cute bra, I thought. Oh well maybe this isnt so bad. And I mostly wear sports bras now because I do wish they were smaller and I HATE that so many bras (EVEN THE SPORTS BRAS) are already padded into cup shapes, and while I don't mind Having Boobs, i Do Not want to show them off. And sometimes i think that maybe i wouldn't mind chopping them off, but then i think how my figure/outline/silhouette would look with out them, and that seems worse.
And i think about the times I've accidentally been called "Sir" from tired fast food employees when wearing gender nonspecific clothing and felt happy about it. But not "oh it feels right to be called sir/he/him" , but more of "hehe I fooled you! You thought this was a dress but its pants!"
And really this is all to say. I was born a girl and grew up that way so it's what I'm used to. If I'd been born with a dick then I guess I'd be a guy. If you magically stuck me in a male body right now, would I feel like a Guy or feel like a girl in a guys body? I honestly dont know. So am I non binary? Maybe that that doesnt quite feel right either.
Being a girl is what I've grown up as and into, and it's what I'm used to and going by anything else is… odd. Maybe itd be better and maybe it wouldnt. It's like an old blanket. You've had it forever and maybe its frayed and patched maybe a little too small and it's not what people expect you to have for a blanket, and maybe you could do with a new one. But nothing feels right with out it. No other blanket feels the same. It's what you're used to and its familar. It's a comfort blanket.
And that's why being a [cis] girl is my comfort gender.
#Sorry that got LONG#This is a very personal post and I dont mind it being reblogged if anyone wants to#But dont be weird about it please. Dont tell me I'm an egg or actually trans or nb. Cause I'm not#*points at post* I'm a girl. It's my comfort gender :)#(edit: I don't mind if the 'wrong' pronouns get used. Like if someone uses he or they for me I'm not gonna be upset#I more just dont want labels put on my gender besides cis or comfort gender )#Man I need that post where it's like so many asexual people are removed from gender. Cause yeah that kinda fits#Maybe I'm agender or soemthing. But mostly I'm Chill With Being A Girl#Also feel free to also totally ignore this post#I'm just rambling about thoughts#Gender identity#Comfort gender#Its after midnight so I apologize if none of this makes sense or like. There are unfinished thoughts lol
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Sometimes I wonder how to even interact with certain people anymore because I want to. And I want them to know i care but I'm monumentally afraid of fucking the conversation up, cracking one of the eggshells, and just making them more upset.
I don't want to upset them. I don't want them to feel like I'm watching from the sidelines or that I don't care.
But I feel like that's what I'll end up doing?
I'm not good at words, and I hate it. Because I really want to say something? Yknow?
I'm just too scared I'll say the wrong thing.
Even if I'm also always scared of.losing them.
#the clowns are rambling instead of dancing#ignore me please#i don't like vague posting. but i really don't know what to.say and this thought keeps returning and digging it's claws in#like “you need to say SOMETHING! stop being such an unfeeling dick!” but also “you'll say the wrong thing and they'll think you're –!!”#so. i hate myself for not speaking and i would hate myself for speaking. so. fuck.#of course. not ABOUT me. about THEM. i just want to help but I don't know how and i don't want to likeyknow? try if I'll make it worse#because I'd really HATE to make it worse! I DO NOT WANT TO GIVE THEM ANY POSSIBLE WORSE ANYMORE.#THEY DESERVE BETTER. AND I DON'T WANT TO EVEN POTENTIALLY CAUSE A MOMENT OF WORSE IN THEIR PERSONAL HELL.#but yeah. yeaj. I'll probably regret this eventually cause i feel like an asshole for talking like this#because what if they think i think they're a burden? cause i don't i love them so much and i never WANT them to think that#but i don't know wjat to do anymore#and I'm so sorry that you have to.live in that fucking place with those fucking people and km so sorry i can't do anything#where the fuck dod all this emotion come from? how long have i been wanting to say this???#and I'm not even fucking brave enough to say it to them. instead I'm VAGUEPOSTING. like a fucking baby.#ALWAYS WHINING LIKE I'M THE WORST WOUNDED THING OUT HERE WHEN BASICALLY EVERYONE I KNOW HAS IT WORSE#“LOOK AT ME AND MY FALSE LIMP!” THAT'S HOW THIS FUCKING FEELS.#THAT'S NOT THE POINT AND YOU KNOW IT. BUT OH WELL. HERE I JJST FUCKING GO AGAIN.#I'm so.sorry. i am SO sorry. I am REALLY sorry. I'm sorry i don't ever know what to sah
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/20f56b628d9e68c9f1e197758578f079/e537cf6e48d041fb-90/s540x810/bfd030f52a2f5e12862c4e0ff3eb47118d3cd6ce.jpg)
#im absolutely certain this already exists somewhere else but nevertheless#i think i may have seen it as SasuNaru before but actually I think it's important to include Sakura.#We cannot ignore her part in causing the 4th world war (making Naruto promise to bring Sasuke back no matter what thereby breaking his hea#rt and yet binding them together all the more as he tries to please her)#the point I'm really trying to get at is actually. This would all be fine if y'all had just throupled up.#wait. let me also make that meme#BRB#texttalk
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