#the plot is terrible so i am simply mining this show for details to drag back to the swtor era where i actually care about things

[florafaunaandeldritchhorrors]

one weird thing about the Children of the Watch is that the narrative seems to think they’re more extreme than Death Watch (I think because they’re way more religious????) but in actuality they’re the faction most chill about the Mandalorian imperative to seek conflict outside of the New Mandalorians. like, being warriors is a huge part of their culture, but they don’t seem inclined to start a war to prove it, which makes them less extreme than Death Watch in my book. 

10/10, would build a time machine to send the Armorer back to challenge Shae and Heta Kol

[danyka-fendyr]

Kingdom of Gold: Part 6

That’s right everyone, it took me way way way too long, but I have finally caught up to Dream in the writing of this series. (I think. This post has not been fact-checked.) My nails are too long, my polish is not my favorite color and I don’t know why I chose it, I’m watching a movie I have so far flawlessly predicted the characters and plot points of as I write this, and my body is revolting against me in the same fashion it always does, but I’m still here. Oh also I move out on Monday and that’s deeply unsettling to me but now ask me if I’d rather not. Anyway, I guess we’ll start the angst hours now.

Edit: I moved out! It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. So far so good.

Disclaimer: This series is based off of the lovely Faint of Heart series by @dreamwritesimagines and it’s sequel series, Crown of Hearts. I would highly recommend both series!

Taglist:@dreamwritesimagines @rhabakoli @finnickfoxes

Wordcount: 2763

Chapter Six: The girl was a whirlwind of anger and bitterness, her rage consuming her. She could hear no reason and no advice over the roaring fury in her ears. And when you have a storm inside of you, you also have a choice to make. You can let it destroy you, or you can let it out, and the girl had come too far to be destroyed now.

Isolde did not want to get out of bed today. In fact, she never wanted to leave it again. This time though, it was not because she’d had too much liquor the night before. She was never having a drop of that ever again. Clearly, it made her make mistakes, made her too trusting. Silly girl.

“My lady,” Dagny said, interrupting her wallowing.

“Yes, Dagny?” Isolde rolled over under the heavy furs protecting her from Kattegat’s morning chill.

“Her Majesty the Queen requests your presence.”

“I don’t suppose royalty takes rainchecks, do they?”

“Not that I am aware of.” Dagny smirked slightly.

Isolde groaned but got up out of bed anyway, a slow, reluctant thing. There were dark circles under her eyes from all the unfortunate realizations of the day before, but largely, she did not look half as bad as she felt on the inside. And another plus, she didn’t appear to actually have any large, gaping wounds, despite how she might have felt. By the time she finished getting dressed, she almost looked like she might have been fit to see the queen. 

Snapdragon was in her chambers, cradling her son in her arms and cooing Viking lullabies to him. The sound might have been soothing before, but right now it just made Isolde want to break something. Preferably the earl’s face. Beside the bed was a woman with bright red hair, and part of a smile began to grow on Isolde’s face when she realized who it was.

“Bree?”

The redhead smiled infectiously, rushing over to hug her. “Oh, my darling. It’s been too long.”

“Where were you? They told me you betryaed the king and took a Viking lover and all sorts of wild things, but when I got here there was no you to ask about it, and I didn’t get word from anyone else-”

“Oh little love,” Bree said, “I was on a raid. I’m so terribly sorry that none of these fools told you.”

Isolde stiffened, the smile dropping off her face at the word raid. “You...went on a raid.”

“Yes, yes, I know it’s unconventional for women to fight in wars back home, but come now, you’re more progressive than that-”

“I am not so progressive that I support the slaughter of an innocent people.” Isolde’s voice had gone cold.

“Isolde...what has happened to you?”

“A war, Bree. Did they not tell you?” 

“Tell me what?” There was a hint of something in her voice that was not confusion or curiosity, but fear.

“Beatrice is dead.”

Bree let out a sharp breath. “...Beatrice. Our Beatrice?”

“Yes. But I suppose it doesn’t matter when it’s not your cousin, does it? It doesn’t matter when it’s just war, just a raid. If you don’t know who’s dead then why care?”

“I did mean...” 

“Of course you didn’t. Was there anything else you’ll be needing your majesty, or did you merely wish to inform me my cousin had returned?”

Snapdragon squinted at her in a very sharp way.

“No. Sit.”

Isolde grit her teeth but sat anyway.

“What has happened? Something has happened to upset you. To change your mind.”

“Change my mind on what? As far as I’m concerned my mind has returned to its original state. The truth.”

“You know, some of the poets say that no one actually knows the truth. I would argue you certainly don’t. You’ve hardly given these people a chance.”

Isolde’s eyes flashed. “I gave them more than a chance. I gave them my trust, and they broke that. When were you going to tell me what the earl was really like?”

“Well, it seemed as though you knew. A kind, caring man who would do anything to protect what he loves. That is usually how he presents himself, isn’t it? Or am I just remarkably good at reading people?” 

Isolde scoffed. 

“What? What terrible, horrible thing happened? Tell me, my dear, and I’m sure we can right it.”

“Can you right the fact that your precious Earl Eric is just another Viking warlord who comes home covered in blood rejoicing in the spoil of his kills and bedding every maiden who bats her eyelashes at him?”

Snapdragon stared at her a moment before nodding. “Oh. Well, I see what this is about.”

“You...you do?”

“Yes. I believe I do. But first, allow me to assuage your fears. The only people Earl Eric has ever hurt, to my knowledge, are the sort of men you would condone the harm of. The very sort of men who did all those unspeakable things back at your home are the sorts of men the Earl fights. He has a code of honor, you know. Never women, never children. Only those trying to harm him and those he has seen harm others.”

Isolde did not like whatever she was feeling now. Largely because she didn’t know what she was feeling now. Should she feel lied to still, but by an entirely different person? Should she still feel angry with the earl? It was...confusing. She felt confused, and that was all that she knew.

“...oh. Well, it doesn’t matter. He’s still a...a...a floozy.”

“A floozy?” The queen arched a brow. “Hardly. The girls make their best attempts, but I have yet to see him actually take one up on their offer. Not since you came around, anyhow. Even before then he was far less...active than most of the warriors coming home.”

“What...what do you mean not since I came around??

“Oh, you know. He’s been far too busy with his duties with you to think of anyone else. I suspect he hardly thinks even of himself anymore.”

“I....I said horrible things to him,” Isolde whispered.

“Did you call him a floozy?” Snapdragon wasn’t even pretending not to be amused.

Isolde winced. “Much worse.”

“Might I suggest you swallow your pride and apologize now instead of being mad at each other for months on end and miserable?” 

“That was...specific.”

The look Snapdragon gave her told her not to ask any further questions.

“Go. Go now. And you can talk to Bree later. Earl Eric won’t know what to do without you around. I expect he’s just running around like a chicken with his head cut off.”

Isolde smiled softly. “I expect he is. He tends to do that.”

“You’re stalling.”

“Fine. I’m going.”

Isolde was only slightly ashamed to admit that she dragged her feet down the halls of the castle and deliberately took the long way to any location that Earl Eric could possibly be, starting with the ones he was least likely to be at. Alas, this strategy could only work for so long, and eventually, she came upon him. 

He cut a downtrodden figure, sitting in a back corner of the blacksmith’s workshop studying his work. His eyes seemed to be transfixed by the flames, so much so that he didn’t even notice her until she sat by his feet. She figured if she was going to apologize she had best do it well, and if that involved groveling at his feet, she deserved it.

“I’m sorry.” She spoke quietly, hesitant to disrupt the orderly din of the blacksmith’s workshop as he forged what looked like a battle axe, perhaps. “You did not deserve any of the things I said to you, and there is no excuse for my behavior last night. I hope that someday you may be able to forgive me.”

She was not brave enough to look at him as she said this, and so she did not see the softening of the pain on his face.

“Why? You say there is no excuse, but that does not mean there was no reason. What did I do to provoke such fury?”

He sounded so hurt that Isolde had to shut her eyes against the sharp, stinging wetness building in them.

“It was...it was nothing you did. It was something someone said about you that I was foolish enough to believe, that is all.”

“What did they say? And who said it?”

“A friend of mine. He...he painted a very brutal picture of you coming back from raids, I’m afraid. I don’t believe he knew you had any sort of code of honor, and neither did I until this morning. He also gave a very...detailed idea of your prowess with women.” Isolde hated how bitter she sounded on that last part.

To her surprise, the earl’s next words dared to sound amused.

“Oh? Is that what made you so mad, little icicle?”

She turned her head to look at him, a steady glare on her face from being mocked.

“Worry not. My attention is far too devoted to you now to worry about anyone else. I have a job to do, you know.” He sounded like he was about to laugh.

“I despise you.” There was no malice in it this time.

“A shame. I adore you.”

Her cheeks pinkened quickly, but she told herself it was just the heat of the forges.

“Come on now. We have to go show the queen we made up. She’ll be quite pleased.”

“...the Queen sent you?”

“No. Well, yes, but that’s neither here nor there. I would have come myself, the Queen simply sped up the process a bit. I’m a horrible coward and was too afraid to face you, but I was more afraid of what she would do to me if I didn’t. She has that hawk you know.” Isolde shuddered.

“I would never let Eitr hurt you.” He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.

“You’ll have to excuse me for not taking any chances.” 

Was she even saying anything, or was she just pushing air out of her mouth? Because she might as well have been doing the latter for how breathy that was.

“Come now. You’ll keep us here forever if we don’t start walking,” she huffed.

Then, before she could second guess it, she took his hand to pull him along. He was so surprised that he followed easily, despite being a good foot taller than her. She smirked to herself. Two could play at this game.

“So who is this friend of yours who has such a bad opinion of me?”

And there she was blushing again. “No one.”

“No one?” That was not a happy tone of voice.

“No one at all. Just a friend.”

“Well, she seems to dislike me.”

“I’m sure he has nothing against you. Just rumors and all.” She prayed he would be distracted by the rest of the conversation and not notice the he.

“It is a man then.” The Earl didn’t sound surprised, but he also sounded solidly, definitely unhappy.

Isolde looked back at him to see the frown settling into his face, jaw working hard. Even when he was conflicted and angry he was attractive. She supposed.

“Yes. But no matter. We shouldn’t speak of it anymore.”

“Why not?” He raised a brow.

Well, she couldn’t exactly say because she didn’t want to.

“Because it’s making you moody, Earl. I much prefer your smiles.” 

That wasn’t entirely true. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little intrigued by this different side to the man. But that was neither here nor there.

“Then coax one out of me,” he challenged.

She did love a good challenge. “Alright then. Floki in one of my old dresses.”

Immediately he was laughing, and so was she. The picture was so comical it was hard not to. The triumphant grin on her face revealed how pleased she was with herself.

“You do not fight fair little icicle.” He was, of course, smiling as she continued to drag him through the halls of the castle.

“I can’t afford to. I’m rather small. I have to use my wits, or else I’d be dead by now.”

“Do not worry about that. I will protect you.”

She stopped, frowning. “You know you don’t have to, right?”

“What?” He stopped dead, causing her body to lurch back when she did not stop with him and their hands remained intertwined.

“You don’t have to protect me just because your queen ordered it. You don’t have to...follow me, or be nice to me, or whatever it is you’re doing, just because she says so. If you don’t-If you would rather not be around me, I can arrange for that.”

He stared at her for a long moment.

“I would very much like to be assigned to care for you for the rest of my life. It is my favorite of all my duties, and the only one I never tire of.”

Oh. That was...bold.

“Oh. Well.” She looked up at him with wide eyes. “I suppose this is ideal then.”

He smiled. “Yes, I suppose that it is.” 

Gently, he raised her hand, his breath brushing across her knuckles and then his lips. Gosh, she wished he wouldn’t do that. She would never be able to walk anywhere if her legs turned to pudding first.

“Right then. On our way.” Just keep walking, just keep walking.

As Isolde had discovered at a very early age, all roads lead back to the great hall. The path they were currently on was no exception, and sooner rather than later they stumbled upon her royal majesty.

Isolde dropped the earl’s hand like it had burned her as soon as they were in the presence of others. She still felt though that everyone was watching them, or that someone had seen. That was one part of the court you never grew out of. The feeling of everyone’s eyes being on you. She wondered if farmers and merchants ever got that feeling or if they were just able to live in peace. She suspected the latter was the case.

“Your majesty.” Isolde curtsied even as Snapdragon rolled her eyes.

“I see you two made up.” She had a knowing grin on her face.

“Yes. We are on much better terms now.” It hurt Isolde to admit it, seeing that smug look on Snapdragon’s face.

“I knew you two wouldn’t be able to stay mad at each other for long.”

“Yes, yes, and you were right.” Isolde rolled her eyes.

Ivar sat by his queen’s side, not saying a word. Instead, he chose to glare at the earl, who was looking a bit gloomy himself.

“What troubles you, Earl Eric?” Snapdragon asked.

Ivar’s frown deepened.

“Oh, nothing your majesty.” He pulled up a forced smile.

“You are a terrible liar.”

“I assure you, there is nothing that you need to be worried about.”

“I suppose I will have to take you at your word. I cannot very well let my husband torture information out of you in the great hall.” 

She half-laughed at herself, clearly very oblivious to how pleased her husband looked at the suggestion. Isolde still could not puzzle out how they were together. Other than the arranged marriage bit, of course.

For a moment, she was just as confused as the queen to the earl’s mood. Just a moment ago he had been more than cheerful enough. Now, he was frowning. She found her answer though looking down to his hands, where one was noticeably empty where it had not been before, fingers fidgeting. Oh. Was that what he was worried about?

Well, she couldn’t very well hold his hand in the great hall in front of everyone where someone could see it and take it the wrong way. Then again, she found herself wishing to see him smile again. So, mustering up what cleverness she had, she managed a compromise. She smiled at him, hoping to wipe away that frown, and gently placed her hand on his arm. It wasn’t there long, only a moment or two. No one else would notice.

It would have worked flawlessly if Bree hadn’t walked in at that moment and had the uncanny ability to see through Isolde’s every move. She had been doing that since they were children and it never got less irritating or nervewracking. So of course, the moment she approached the table she gave Isolde a smile that, if you didn’t know her, might make you think she was planning on murdering you and dumping the body at the bottom of the lake. 

On the bright side though, the Earl was smiling again.

Isolde supposed that she would have to take the small victories and her cousin could wait until tomorrow.

[treatian]

The Chronicles of the Dark One:  The Dark Curse

Chapter 30

It was well past midnight. Something must have been wrong. He knew it was wrong. He felt it in his bones.

Cora wasn't exactly a perfectly prompt individual; a few minutes late was normal for her, but not this late. He paced as his mind raced, thinking up the most dreadful of scenarios while he waited with nothing else to do. Every sense he had was on high alert, he heard every bug, every cricket, every owl around him. He felt charged. Waiting for a potential ambush, an explanation, or even for her just to show up breathless and apologize for being late. He wasn't sure what to do.

Perhaps he'd been wrong to agree to let her kill the King without him, unsupervised. The taking of a heart was a delicate thing, and she'd only been doing it for a week or so now while practicing on servants, not Kings. Different people held onto their hearts in different ways, and it wouldn't be an anomaly for a royal king to strike a deal with someone to cast a spell to protect their heart, he'd made a few of those deals himself in his time.

And then there was the fact that she intended to kill the king. She'd never killed before, not to his knowledge. When they stole the hearts they always returned them with altered memories. To take a heart was different than to crush it. She could do it, she had the desire and the hate for it, as he did, but to actually do it for the first time...that could be nervewracking.

It was late. The King had servants in and out of his chamber at all hours of the day and night. If he was dead the castle, these grounds he walked on, should have been in hysterics by now; bells tolling, women wailing, men fighting over a crown. It should have been a perfect time for Cora to simply slip away in all the commotion, never to be seen again…but there was none of that. Unlike himself, the grounds around him were calm. Peaceful even!

So then what was taking so long? What was she waiting for? Was she attempting to hide the body? He certainly hoped not. They hadn't exactly discussed her plan for long before he'd left her to it, but he figured she was smart enough to know to leave the body where it was. Had she gone into the King's bedchamber and woken him from sleep to keep the guards from discovering his death until morning? That would have been the wisest course of action. And Cora was smart. Perhaps that was what had happened…but then why wasn't she here yet?

His mind began to wander into darker places, terrible, frightening scenarios he'd rather not imagine but forced himself to all the same. Thanks to her public display of turning straw into gold, the entire Kingdom knew that Cora had magic. If things hadn't gone as planned, if she hadn't been able to take the King's heart or alter his memories, he'd have called the guard on her immediately. She was magic, but hers was steeped in revenge and anger, if she was fearful as she was dragged away she might not have been able to access it and if King Xavier was one of those Kings who possessed a dungeon capable of holding one who had magic…

She would need to be rescued. He'd need to arrange for her release! But how! He wouldn't have magic in a place like that either, at least not all his magic! It would always be effected somehow. How was he to save her if he couldn't use magic! It would be like trying to rescue Milah all over again! His limp might even come back and-

Finally, from behind him, he heard footsteps, and from out of the darkness a figure suddenly appeared, it was a silhouette he recognized right away and he allowed himself to sigh in relief. There now. It was nothing. He'd simply let his mind wander away from him.

He smiled as she walked toward him, the cloak he'd once crafted for her over her shoulders and a hope chest they'd so often practiced putting hearts into held in her arms. A servant's heart, perhaps, something she wanted to take with her? Unless…she hadn't kept the King's heart with her, had she? What on earth was she planning if she'd kept him alive? He'd often heard of couples eloping in the middle of the night, and though he wouldn't exactly term this as that, he had to admit that it felt an awful lot like they were. They were leaving one life in exchange for another, and he couldn't wait not to look back. So then, what was she holding onto?

"I was starting to grow concerned," he commented as she stepped forward.

"Well, here I am," she shrugged before he reached forward to embrace her. The kiss he gave nearly stopped his own heart as he pulled away simply for that reason alone. It was a kiss he had given to her.

And nothing more.

He was excited, he had to admit that, but at the same time…she'd never been a passive lover before. She was nearly as aggressive as he could be even more so. She like to grope, to embrace, to swallow him even as he threatened to do the same to her! To simply allow him to kiss her…it wasn't Cora.

"Something's not right," he pointed out, summoning his magic, preparing for an attack, for a glamor to be revealed or the Blue Fairy to turn up and confess to tricking him in some way. But Cora only nodded.

"Yes. You're correct," she stated. But nothing happened. There was no flare of magic, no reveal. There was no motion from her at all. Was she upset, perhaps? Had she not gotten what she wanted? There were ways to fix that!

"Well, what happened?" he goaded. "Couldn't you take the King's heart?"

"No, I was able to do it," she corrected. "I chose not to."

She chose not to…she chose it? But it was…it was nothing like Cora. Mercy from her? It simply didn't exist in her, he was sure of it. He was positive.

"Ah…" he was utterly confused and at a loss for words as he felt that great thing in his chest, the monster that had grown significantly since she'd come into his life, begin to fade. He had a bad feeling, and it just so happened that bad feeling had the voice of the Seer, reminding him in his head of a prophecy. "Firstborn of Princess Cora to cast the curse to end all curses…"

Princess Cora…fate could be rewritten, and just one pesky detail could be changed…couldn't it?!

She stepped forward and moved the back of her hand over his cheek as she stared into his eyes with…nothing! There was nothing there. No passion, no love, no lust, no interest. Nothing.

"I'm sorry, my dear Rumple. I'm not going with you. You see, I have a wedding to go to…my own."

Her wedding. To Prince Henry.

His heart sank as he pulled away from her with new suspicion. "Whose heart is in the box?" he demanded, though he had a terrible feeling that he knew exactly whose heart it was. The symptoms were there in her eyes.

"Don't make this harder-"

"You lied to me!" he snarled as he looked back into her emotionless stare. This…this felt like it could kill him, blacken his heart far more than any sin of Dark Magic, and on her face, there was nothing! It was apparent, and he wanted to hear her say it! He wanted to hear her tell him that she was choosing this life! This miserable, spotless, silly piece of oppressive perfection over what he'd given her these long months. He wanted to hear her tell him what he'd done to her heart to make this life tolerable.

"Whose heart?"

"Mine," she finally admitted.

He knew it was impossible, but this was as close as he'd ever come to feeling feint since he'd become the Dark One. The steps he took to get away from her weren't enough, and he suddenly had the sensation of being doused in cold water! He'd never experienced the sensation of having his heart pulled from his chest and crushed, but he imagined it felt a lot like this! Oh, he'd…he'd been a fool! A terrible fool to ever think…to ever hope that she…that anyone…could ever…

"I had to," she growled in excuse. "You told me not to let anything stop me until they're on their knees. My heart was stopping me."

Her heart…lies! All lies! Like Milah and the Blue Fairy and even that common girl from his village! It was all a lie! Her heart wasn't stopping her! If she'd truly loved him as she'd said she had, then it should have helped her! No, for this to happen…it was the crown she wanted, power and magic just like any common person, and he'd played right into her hands! Helping her get it! Helping her to guide this pain he felt now into his flesh, his own heart! It was a dagger all it's own. No! She spoke nothing of the truth. Only lies! And now…

His boiling anger began to simmer into something worse than anger, something far more concentrated.

He'd show her! He'd show her exactly what the stroke of her pen had bought her for her deceit! He'd forget everything they'd shared, every false lie, every timed kiss, every unimportant encounter. He'd make sure she remembered it for her entire life, every time she looked at her children and saw one missing!

"You never loved me. Never. You're not getting away with this!" he shouted. "We had a contract! I'll take your baby!"

"You changed the contract, Rumple," she reminded him calmly, heartlessly. "You only get your own child. And any baby I have…it won't be yours."

He had the distinct feeling like he'd been slapped in the face though the wound didn't feel like that of a handprint. Clever girl. He'd thought of those words a dozen times a day since he'd met her, he'd reveled in them, been utterly attracted to them but now he was so angry he felt tears gather in his eyes. There were tears in her eyes, but they never made it to the heart of her, to the places that he needed to see them. And worse…was that a smirk he'd seen? For one small tiny flash of a second?

She'd been plotting this. She'd been planning for this to happen all along! Ever since he'd named the price to spare her in that tower, she'd kept him close, had him teach her music, told him that she loved him all so that on the day she convinced him to alter the agreement he'd think nothing of it. She'd walk away with her magic and her child and now a royal title to boot. He'd been tricked, deceived in the worst way! And she…

He'd never met a more clever and heartless bitch in all his life…and that included Milah.

He lunged for her, flew at her propelled by a rage that lit up the night, and made the forest seemed bathed in blood. He'd kissed that neck only the day before, but now he had the urge to feel it snap beneath his palms!

But before he could touch her, she vanished in a cloud of red magic. He felt it flare up behind him before he heard her.

"Please, don't make this any harder than it has to be, Darling. You taught me well!"

"Don't do that!" he screamed. "Don't call me that!"

"I'm sorry!" she cried as she moved out of his grasp again so that all he held between his fingers was smoke. "You taught me too well!"

This time when she vanished, she didn't reappear. There was no flash of familiar magic, no heartbeat hiding in the trees. Only light from the castle that he was certain she'd retreated to like the undeniable coward she was.

Oh, she'd pay! He'd wait. He'd wait until she was asleep, until she felt comfortable and safe, and then he would steal her heart from that chest and crush it as she'd crushed his! If she'd protected it he'd cut her throat and bathe her husband in her blood and take the child from her belly…

The child…the baby!

He ground his teeth together so hard he felt his jaw crack before he turned around and set a tree on fire and let out a loud agonizing scream!

The baby! He was ready, oh so ready to go after Cora, to kill her if not today then tomorrow or the day after! But he couldn't. The miserable witch had a shield around her, and it was his own son! He longed to see Baelfire more than anything else in this world, far more than he longed to kill Cora, and the truth was that now, more than ever, she was destined to become a Princess and have the child, the daughter who would get him back to Bae! If he killed Cora now, then he would be effectively murdering any chance he ever had of seeing Baelfire again by taking the child from himself!

"There's more than one way around a deal, Dearie!" he heard himself growl as he looked up at the lights of the castle. There were voices in the distance, drawn by the flames of the tree he'd lit up and their desire to put the blaze out.

He had to go. He had to leave this place. He had to leave Cora to this life that she had chosen even if that meant it was a half-life. For now, he had to leave her alive, no matter how much he wanted to twist her neck and make her scream!

[early-sxnsets]

Jealous

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17343617/chapters/41256620

Chapter 6/11 of Of Wealth and Leisure

Word Count: 3883

Summary: The Wellbeloves take a quick visit to the Grimm-Pitch manor to assess Mr. Pitch's injuries, stirring the pot of unease between Mr. Pitch and Sir Snow.

By the late evening, we get word that Doctor Wellbelove is on his way, and he decided to be accompanied by Agatha as well. I, for one, am thrilled to have a taste of my home back once again, but Mr. Pitch turns sour at the notion that we are to have extra company.

Peculiarly, following his injury, he began to somewhat cling to me (or, perhaps, I clung to him). After he was carried up from dinner, he requested that his door would be left ajar. As I walked past his chambers, he called upon me from the crack to keep him company.

“It’s a bore to lay alone with my pain,” he complained as soon as I’d arrived, carrying a few books to keep myself occupied for the time. I hadn’t thought I would ever be much company for him, as he sees me of not only lower intelligence but poor in interest overall. Nonetheless, he demanded that I read aloud to him as we awaited news from the telegram.

Before I closed off to retire to my own bedroom, we were interrupted by a servant, bowing at the doorway and rushing over the card. I scanned over it, then nodded at Mr. Pitch. “Doctor Wellbelove will be taking the railway in the morning. He’s expecting to be here by no later than the afternoon.”

I watched as he exhaled, nodding and resting his head against the downy pillows before he waved me off, mumbling something that I barely made out into, “Go away, I’m tired now.”

At first, sitting in my room in the day’s exhaustion feels as though it should lull me to sleep, but as time drags on, I find my mind growing more and more curious as to the situation at hand. It occupies me, drawing me towards alertness and restless pacing.

The teasing. The closeness. The unmistakably soft turn that Mr. Pitch took while we found ourselves completely alone. And, not to mention, his distaste for any company regarding my other life at home. It makes me wonder what his intentions. Is he trying to keep me here for some devious plot and now acting kindly as a distraction? Is he jealous of my social life, no matter how small it is in reality?

I wear myself down with clouding thoughts, overworking my mind until the day wears heavy enough on me that I fall asleep, curled up on my side and facing the steadily crackling fireplace.

When I rise, the sky is only just creeping up.

I hear no noise of waking from Mr. Pitch’s room, and when I peer inside, he’s still fast asleep with his leg elevated and hands folded upon is breast. They rise and fall with the gentle rhythm of his chest.

I hate to admit that I'm guilty of standing and staring for an extended moment, lingering by the doorway and watching him rest peacefully. Magically, he's remaining comfortably quiet for once in his life.

I don’t think much of my actions until I’m caught by a wandering servant, who startles as she reaches the top of the stairs and sees me peeking inside Mr. Pitch’s room.

“Is he alright, Sir?” she asks, voice twisting with concern as she begins to rush over.

I raise my hands up, shaking my head and holding my finger to my lips before mouthing “He’s sleeping.” The servant then stares at me curiously, nodding her head slowly as she backs off, curtsies, and continues on to whatever task she was sent off to fulfill.

The morning draws on as much more unsettling than the day before. No one quite knows what happened to lead to this attack, and I cannot shake the guilt gnawing at my intestines, making me feel lightheaded. I nearly don’t eat a full serving of breakfast.

By half past noon, as they’re sweeping away the last bits of lunch, I hear the sound of hooves against the gravel path up to the main house, accompanied by the gentle rattling of a carriage. In carefree excitement, I send myself running out front with a smile plastered across my face. As I’m jogging out, Doctor Wellbelove and his daughter make their grand reveal. They look proper, as alway; especially Agatha. To my surprise, she has her hair up in a bun, which is quite a rarity, but there’s the minute details of white flowers tucked among the milky yellow locks and ribbons twisted around them. Her dress is a soft, rosey pink, with a slightly dropped collar and thick necklace laying around her neck. As she spots me, she curtsies, raising the hem of her dress and revealing heeled white shoes.

I dash over, grinning ear to ear as I bow and take her hand for a light kiss to her knuckles. “Miss Wellbelove, pleasure to see you again.”

“Oh Simon, you know you don’t have to go through such proper manners,” she laugh out despite the hand she’s kept out for the courtesy kiss. “Pleasure to see you again.”

Dropping her hand, I turn my attention to shake Doctor Wellbelove’s outstretched palm. “Pleasure’s all mine. I’m more than grateful that you’d taken time to arrive so quickly.”

“Yes well,” he says, firmly grasping my hand with both of his and giving a tight shake. “Always there for close friends.”

Doctor Wellbelove has a glorious, thick moustache that takes up his entire upper lip, as well as carefully cared for mutton chops. They’re the envy of my dreams; I wish I could grow stronger facial hair, but it always tends to grow thin and unimpressive, somewhat like Lord David’s. Some say he and I look similar, yet I struggle to see the resemblance.

The servants escort Doctor Wellbelove and Agatha inside, settling them inside guest rooms in the same wing as Mr. Pitch and I’s private chambers. As I've been told, they only plan on staying a night or two in order to give time to properly diagnose the injury and treat it as quickly as possible.

Back in the city, Doctor Wellbelove runs quite an impressive practice. Frankly, it’s a wonder he managed to escape it for even one day.

I take the lead to show them to Mr. Pitch’s room, knocking before pushing the door further open. As we step in, his head draws up from his book, eyebrows raising before his eyes lock onto Agatha. I watch his gaze tightens into a bitter squint, nose lifting in the air while the three of us approach.

As Doctor Wellbelove introduces himself and Mr. Pitch returns the favor, Agatha and I stand a few respectable feet away from Mr. Pitch’s bed. She subtly takes the bottom cuff of my sleeve, tugging my attention aside while she whispers into my ear. “Is he always this frightfully cold?”

My lips upturn as I shrug, gaze drawing back onto him as he shoots daggers in our general direction. “Yes. Sort of.”

She head tosses back in the slightest as she laughs, her arm snaking around my elbow and resting casually against my bicep. “Shall we leave you to work?” She speaks up, directing it at her father in disregard to Mr. Pitch entirely. I’m the only one focused on his tight lipped, grim expression.

It doesn’t serve as a total surprise when he speaks, but it’s interesting enough when Mr. Pitch clears his throat. “Sir Snow can stay.”

That, to which, deserves him a laugh from Doctor Wellbelove. “It’d be easiest, Mr. Pitch, if they both left the room. Silent, uninterrupted work is the best work,” he says dismissively, waving a hand towards the two of us. “I shouldn’t be terribly long.”

Agatha gleams, tugging on my arm as I stay starring at Mr. Pitch. She gives me a pinch, throwing me off my trance and dragging me away from Mr. Pitch’s quarters.

Once I’m of a clear mind, I lead her off into the garden for an afternoon stroll, my own hand resting atop hers as it keeps locked against my arm. “It must be ghastly to live with him,” she remarks quietly, eyes scanning over the flowers. “He seems like quite the hateful human being.”

I ponder on it, letting my focus dig into my stepping feet as we make our way around. The brief, thoughtless answer is yes, it’s a difficulty to live in such a proximity him. Yet, that isn’t the entire truth; the complexities of our relationship dive deeper than head butting. It’s all half-hearted snippy discussions now. He’d asked me to read to him in a room all alone, illuminated by his fireplace and the moon. There was something I cannot shake about the way he looked at me, eyes tracing my features and I went on about the wonders of the story in my hands.

“It’s an indescribable experience,” I say softly, head turning to face her. She tilts hers up, golden brown eyes washing over me curiously.

As she studies me, I feel a stark contrast as to when Mr. Pitch observes me. For her, it feels more of concern; as if it’s in the way one would check for an injury after a fall. When Mr. Pitch drags his eyes over me, I feel raw and opened; exposed to him and any thoughts milling around in his head. I’m on the butcher’s block for him.

Her hand holds me tighter as she responds. “How is it indescribable? Is it the actions?”

“Somewhat,” I say nonchalantly, finding a bench and taking a seat facing the setting sun that overlooks the fields of crops. It’s such a beautifully picturesque landscape. “It’s more of his instability. There’s a back and forth between clashing and a somewhat manageable tolerance of one another, and I’m not quite sure how to take it.”

I feel her head dip and settle against my shoulder, hand stroking my arm as we sit silently. It takes a little while before she speaks up. “Do you fancy Mr. Pitch?” She whispers, barely breaking the planes of my hearing.

As much as I would have been shocked to hear those words months ago, now I simply stare onwards and think. I mull over it all; each little interaction. Each word he speaks without poison spitting from his tongue. He’s beyond a puzzle, but am I as complicated as he? The question stuns me, leaving me wordless. Do I have feelings for Mr. Pitch? Surely not...

“It’s quite alright if you do, Simon. I’m not quite sure I’m interested in anybody. At all.”

Without thought, my lip pulls into my mouth while nervous energy washing over me. The words floating among my thoughts tumble out nearly as if an admission of questioning. “Are we broken, Agatha?”

She hesitates before shaking her head, face tucking into my shoulder as she holds me tighter. To an outsider, we’d seem like a couple; to be wed in months and married for a lifetime. But, to us, we’re still children, forcing our way through the world that wants us to be adults. “I don’t think so,” she murmurs, fingertip tracing the stressed pulled cloth on my sleeve. “I think we’re just not what we expected of ourselves, and it feels disappointing to be unfulfilling of other’s wishes.”

Her words settle, swimming around my head and sinking to the bottom of my heart. My body goes silent as my mind runs around in circles, trying to keep itself aware as we make our way back inside for tea. On Mr. Pitch’s request, I leave Agatha and go spend the time with him. On my way in, Doctor Wellbelove stops me out in the parlor. “It’s fractured, but not fully broken. He has to stay elevated, and it has to be kept well wrapped, but I believe it’s not too severe.”

I nod and thank him, carrying platter with a teapot, a covered plate of scones with butter, and teacups into Mr. Pitch’s private room. He perks up at the sight of me, or perhaps the goods I carry, and pushes himself up to a more upright sitting position. “Ah, brilliant.”

We settle together, me at his bedside as he tucks away two scones and a full cup of tea. The both of us remain relatively silent, not seeking conversation but rather keeping a slightly disdained company. I take notice that he, on occasion, cautions a glance at me before looking back down and sipping at his cup again.

“Why do you ask me to spend this time with you?” I risk, cautioning a look at him. “I… are we not rivals?”

His hand lifts and waves to dismiss it, sending me further into my confused state of mind. “You saved me. This is the least I could do.”

“Well, if I knew your company would be my gift for saving your life, I think I should have left you in those woods,” I quip, giving him a smile as a reminder that I only tease. I finish off my third (perhaps fourth) scone while he attempts to appear offended, but it quickly falls flat.

“I suppose it is lovely to know that the blame of my death would have been laid upon in the end,” he shoots back, a smirk playing at his lips and his hand reaches across the empty space and nudges my shoulder. “A humorous last bow on my part.”

“Ah yes, and then a hanging for me.”

“How delightful.”

We smile at each other. I don’t quite know why.

He yawns as I finish up my second cup of tea, and with a raise of his wrist, I know what he’s to say next. Thus, I clean up quickly and pull up his blanket for him. “Rest now. Do you wish to be brought up dinner, or will you be joining us?”

He sniffles in sleepiness, dragging the throw up further. “I would like to have dinner with my company, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Why would I mind? “Of course. I’ll send up servants to fetch you at dinner time.” I drag the curtains shut and halfway close the door, taking the platter with me as leave him alone in darkness.

By dinnertime, the Wellbeloves had taken their tour and settled nicely onto the grounds.

They look well put at the dinner table, a clear contrast to me. Of course, I’ve always felt out of place at such events. No matter how long I’ve had money, it feels displaced and awkward to be near others with so much of it, and those who have had it for so long. I’m their outlier.

In a grand sweeping of servants carrying him, Mr. Pitch joins us, taking his usual seat across from me.

For the first time in months, a lively chatters sparks around the dinner table.

Baron Grimm and Doctor Wellbelove roll quickly into conversation, going over politics and money, ranging their discussion social classes to travel. All the high society discussions that seem inescapable when there’s two older gentlemen of wealth in the same room; there’s never any speak of hobbies. Instead, it’s simply a flaunting of wealth and knowledge.

For Agatha and I, it’s quite the opposite. We discuss home and books. She mentions Penny and how she’s been faring during my time here. Apparently, she’s been set to marry next summer; the American who she has been writing for years and met with a few times before had came to her father in efforts to court her, and he’d somehow succeeded. A miracle on his part, really. To separate Penelope from her family feels like it should take an army’s worth of strength, but it apparently only took an American’s wealth worth, in the end.

As we speak, exchanging the occasional laugh and joke, I catch the watching eye of Mr. Pitch as he hovers over the conversations silently. He seems to glare at Agatha with distaste, and sometimes me with such an equal look that it makes my stomach swirl. Does this mean he feels equally for her as he does for me? Perhaps his efforts to push others away are his own efforts of courtship. If they’re anything akin to his means of friendship, I should have all the reason to be worried over any sort of matrimonial feelings that Mr. Pitch could hold over her.

I run my mind in circles over his gaze, feeling ill by the time dinner ends. I worry myself dizzy, thinking over his possible attractions and stress over how far his efforts to seek her interest could push us apart.

This grows especially worrying, given the anticipation that everyone believes that I should be wed to Agatha. What is this to make of my social status? My wealth line? Mr. Pitch can have any lady in the land, but if he picks my chosen destiny…

“Was that a piano I saw in the parlor room, Mr. Grimm?” Agatha perks up as the servants start sweeping away our dishes. The scraping of our chairs echo around, my feet pressing down a bit aggressively into the wood floors as I rise myself up.

“It, in fact, was. Do you wish to use it?”

“Oh that would be marvelous,” she muses, eyes glimmering as she grins. “Would everybody care to join me for a song or two? I’ll play Sir Snow’s favorite.”

Everyone agrees in a murmuring, overlapped unison. Servants spill back out to carry Mr. Pitch over, laying him upon the sofa as Agatha takes a seat at the pianos bench. She pats the open space beside her, finding my gaze and urging me over. I reluctantly take the seat, fearing that she’ll make me play with her (I’m quite terrible when it comes to music; I could not keep a rhythm if my life depended on it). Luckily, she simply leans her side towards me for comfort while she presses her elegant, thin fingers down onto the ivory keys.

The room remains a respectful volume, holding an occasional chatter behind us as she plays. I can’t help but steal occasional glances at Baz, who seems growingly focused on the proximity between Agatha and I. It makes me swallow my mind as my skull fills with a slow thumping of rage. He’s jealous. I can’t believe he’s jealous.

Granted, Agatha is stunningly gorgeous. Any man would be lucky to have her company, but why him? Why Is it that he gets everything he wants, and what he wants now is my friend? It’s revolting. It’s intrusive. It’s--

Agatha plays her last note, fingers lifting off the keys as she grins mirthfully. “You have quite a lovely instrument here, Mr. Grimm,” she says, voice as pretty as her music. “I must ask you later where you’d acquired this instrument, for I simply must get one of my own.”

He laughs, sipping liquor and waving a hand. “I’ll gladly send details along your way. It’s a shame my son is injured; he should have joined you on his violin.”

In his festering state, Mr. Pitch raises his head and shakes away his thoughts. “Hm? Oh, yes. It’s a pity,” he monotones.

I watch as his father sends over a disappointed glare, and I feel the room run cold. If there’s a time to rescue a situation, it would be now.

Therefore, I yawn. It’s easiest to make a show of it, stretching my arms and dragging out my pocket watch. “It’s about time to retire, don’t you think?” I ask Agatha softly, trying to help her make her exit as well. For the second time today, it’s Mr. Pitch who answers unexpectedly.

“Yes, I do think it’s time for me to rest,” he says clearly, waving to servants for help. “Sir Snow, may I speak to you privately upstairs?”

My jaw lowers, eyes squinting as I consider acting in protest. Instead, Agatha’s hand falls onto my arm as her knowing gaze hits mine.

If only she recognized that he had been longing after her all night.

I reluctantly agree, sweeping up the halls after him and standing by his closed door. We rest in his shut bedroom, all alone with just each other. It’s frightfully disturbing; we had been in the same situation only the evening before with vastly differing feelings. Now I only feel the soft bubbling of rage. “What is it that you wish to speak to me about?” I ask shortly, hands locked behind my back and head leveled with care. In attempts to sound intimidating, I lose any sort of sentimental friendliness to my voice.

That startles him, making his eyebrows narrow as he stares across at me. “Lower your aggressions, Snow. I’m not going to attack you.”

I pause, swallowing down any caring words. “You seemed to wish to make advancements with Miss Welbelove. Is that what you wished to speak to me about? Courtship?”

He blinks a few times and I study his mouth hanging open from across the room before a loud, snorting laugh rips through him. “Good God man, do you truly believe I wish to approach her in such a way?”

“Why yes,” I protest, arms folding.

“I should be offended,” he laughs, hand pressing to his chest. “I may not be the kindest man, but I don’t attempt to steal women from men attempting to court them already.”

“But, I…”

“Quit your blubbering, Snow. I sent for you for a simple request.”

All reasonable answers to him have flown out the window, along with my rational thinking. Of course I should be answering him how one would be expected to respond; accept and continue, but my mind has been cut short by our conversation. Fast flowing and dizzying. He doesn’t wish to court Agatha? He truly believes I wish to court her?

As I stare, open mouthed and wide eyed, he sighs exasperatedly and nods towards his couch. “I wish for you to stay here for the night, Snow.”

“What?! Why?”

“Only for the evening--I worry that I’ll wake in the night, and if I need to fetch anything, I’ll be immobile.”

“Don’t you have a bell? Another means of communication? Why hadn’t you seeked my company last night?”

After a beat of his usually cool expression, his eyes drop and his hands fold before pressing to his temples. For the first time today, I see the exhaustion of his injury on full display. In fact, I see the exhaustion of time taking over him; dark eyes, pulled hair. A lonely man in a lonely bed, fearful of his night and the woods. “Please, Simon?” he asks quietly. “I was afraid yesterday in those woods, and I’m afraid again. Are you not one to protect others?” The last biting remark hits me, making my stomach lurch.

My words scramble then reconnect, puzzling together as I swallow back my earlier anger and fears. I don’t quite believe I’ll fulfill his wishes for him entirely, but rather for the guilt within myself. It was my fault that I’d left his fears disregarded earlier, and now he asks for more help. I can’t turn him away.

“I’ll set up over there,” I say, voice dropping to a gentle hum as I gesture towards the couch. “Just… don’t speak of this.”

“Would never dream of it.”

[graykaren333]

Dramas I’ve Rewatched

So I’ve been watching kdramas since 2012.  We’re talking compulsively, obsessively at times, usually exclusively, consistently watching kdramas.  (Because they are way better than American/Western TV shows/entertainment but that’s another post for another day; besides, if you’re reading this I’m sure you already agree with me on that point).  So bottom line is I’ve watched over 175 kdramas (I’m not quite at the 200 mark yet) and I’ve kept accurate lists of which dramas I’ve finished and liked or finished and didn’t like (or in this case finished, and then eventually went back and rewatched).  When your sites are always set on trying to watch new dramas that are coming out or trying to make sure you’ve watched old classic ones for the first time, it can be hard to convince yourself to take the time to rewatch ones you’ve already seen.

That being said, the following 20 kdramas are ones that I have gone back and rewatched at least once, in some cases multiple times.  These dramas either had fantastic plotlines that were so tight and consistently moving that it was just fantastic to see all the pieces fit together even when rewatching OR there were anywhere from one to four characters who I became so invested in that I loved watching their character development.  Do the characters create the plot or does the plot create the characters?  Sometimes it’s hard to know which is more prominent but I will try to highlight which stood out for me.

NO SPOILERS: the following are reviews have no spoilers as to specific details, they just contain an assessment as to why I believe I could go back to them and rewatch them.

WARNING: for some of these dramas I have skipped watching some subplots, even when I went back and rewatched it, because I was either too obsessed with the main characters’ interaction or else I was so minimally invested in the characters in the subplot that I just didn’t care to watch.  I will let you know with a WARNING message as to which dramas that happened for.

Everyone has their own opinions on what kdramas are good or not and everyone has their own thoughts on what constitutes a good kdrama and why, but for me, here is the crème de la crème of the kdrama world:

Shut Up Flower Boy Band (slice of life/coming of age)

Unique elements: In my opinion this is hands-down the golden standard of slice-of-life/school age dramas (and I’ve seen most that have been made in the kdrama world!).  The plotline basically follows a group of high school age guys and if you look at them from the first episode to the last episode, there is no doubt that it is a coming of age drama but without year-long jumps in each of the last six episodes (*cough, cough* Reply/Answer Me series *cough*).  The plotline is fantastic in that it gets us to invest in every one of the group of guys and then the plotline keeps up a brisk pace and never gets bogged down in any one plotline.  Plus, the male lead does have a love interest which is so adorable and I get particularly obsessed with that plotline but I really love the whole entire plotline. Because the male lead, especially as portrayed by Sung Joon, is simply fantastic.

Reasons why I rewatch it: fantastic plotline!  The characters are really great too, let’s be honest.

Assessment: should be a cult classic but isn’t

Heartless City (action)

Unique elements: This drama originally aired on a cable channel in Korea so it is really unparalleled in its hard-hitting action and suspense as well as its willingness to show, well, violence.  But the violence always serves a purpose and moves the plotline forward, it’s not just meaningless violence (I’m looking at you, Mr. and Mrs. Smith movie).  It is filmed a la film noir and pulls it off to a “t”.  Literally all of the characters have so much moral ambiguity as to their decisions and behaviors.  So many twists and turns, the bad guys turn out to be good and the good guys turn out to be bad that is there really even a line between the two anymore? And this is much more highlighted than with any other kdrama I’ve ever seen.  Think 24 in intensity meets the mafia. It’s kind of my guilty pleasure.

Reasons why I rewatch it: Other than the fantastic plotline as detailed above, the male and female leads are so fantastic!!  Jung Kyung Ho’s character is so dark and brooding yet fantastic and smart and calculating, yet not always, especially around the female lead’s character. While their scenes together are few and far between, the scenes are always electric (we’re talking sparks coming off the computer screen).  The way Jung Kyung Ho acted out this complicated character with all the character’s nuances is just a delight to watch and the character is easily in my top five favorite characters of all time.  I am convinced that no one else could have played the character so well.  Plus, we slowly get more and more of the various characters’ backstory as the plotline progresses and I always love that kind of plotline.  How obsessed with this drama do I get?  When I rewatch it, it usually only takes me three days to watch it.  And it’s 20 episodes long.

Assessment: should be a cult classic but isn’t

Mrs. Cop 2 (action)

Unique elements: Nothing particularly unique except for Kim Bum’s character.

Reasons why I rewatch it: Kim Bum’s performance is one of my all-time favorite performances and his character is one of my all-time favorite characters.  His female foil is moderately appealing at best in general but she is always able to hold her own as a character in her scenes with Kim Bum’s character. Kim Bum’s character makes this drama and on that reason alone it is a good enough performance to watch the drama.  He inherited his family’s business but he is the first kdrama CEO that I’ve seen who hasn’t acted all entitled when facing the police…but he might also be a serial killer?  This drama is another guilty pleasure of mine.

WARNING: there are numerous subplots that I did not watch (female lead’s home life interactions) or rewatch (all of the rest of the scenes that Kim Bum wasn’t in, lol, even including other police scenes)

Assessment: stunning performance by one of the actors

Two Weeks (action)

Unique elements: Nothing except for the incredibly tightly written plotline.

Reasons why I rewatch it: The reason for this one is plotline, all the way.  I love the characters and am invested in them but I am invested in them because of the particular situations that they are thrown into because of the premise of the plotline.  Jang Tae San is a small-time gangster who more or less grew up on the streets and has had to figure out life on his own.  He is set up for murder and has to survive without getting killed (by either the police or the people who set him up) for two weeks until he can give lifesaving surgery for his daughter. Every episode is a day except for the first and last episodes.  Let me tell you, this drama is so tightly written that no scene is wasted.  There are a surprising amount of characters and they are connected in often surprising ways.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  Also, we more or less get thrown right into the plotline and slowly get the backstory as the drama progresses.

Assessment: terribly underrated

Suspicious Partner (action and romance)

Unique elements: Nothing overly notable

Reasons why I rewatch it: I’m a sucker for kdramas that blend both action/suspense and romance. And this drama does that to a “t”. So the first couple of episodes are rather crazy and you’re just sitting there wondering where in the heck the plotline is going but then it finally settles in to a bit of a procedural courtroom drama with the male and female leads both being lawyers.  But wait, there’s a serial killer who is after them so they are trying to figure out who it is and bring the person to justice before he, you know, kills them.  There is also a consistently developed romance plotline between the male and female leads that is very intense at times and the characters just have fantastic chemistry.  The plotline rarely drags even during the procedural courtroom episodes, the plotline swiftly moves through the cases and doesn’t get bogged down.  Ji Chang Wook plays the male lead and is stellar.  I absolutely love the character.

Assessment: terribly underrated

 Strong Woman Do Bong Soon (action and romance)

Unique elements: Nothing overly much; action and rom-com with a slight twist of sci-fi

Reasons why I rewatch it: So, Do Bong Soon comes from a long lineage of incredibly strong women (we are talking she can lift a car as though it were a paper clip) and her strength cannot be lost as long as she doesn’t use it for evil ends.  Along comes the male lead, a CEO of a company, and when he finds out about her powers she becomes his bodyguard and hilarity ensues, as does a serial killer which is decidedly less funny.  The scenes between the two of them are absolutely fantastic and it is simply a great romance plotline with gradually less comedy and more thriller/suspense, but just as much romance if not more, as the plotline progresses.  The male lead is also quite a complex character as the storyline unfolds.

WARNING: there were some workplace subplots that I just didn’t care enough to watch as well as scenes between the female lead and the second male lead (he’s as interesting as a pile of snow if you ask me).

Assessment: terribly underrated

Oh My Ghostess (action and romance)

Unique elements: This is the only drama I’ve seen that starts out almost completely as a rom-com and then slowly ombre’s into an action/thriller (with decidedly romance elements) by the end.

Reasons why I rewatch it: The premise of this show involves ghosts (surprising I know, based on the title) and it’s different in that most dramas that are supernatural like that either progress on the premise that ghosts are more or less harmless and it’s just comical with inhabiting people OR all ghosts are purely evil and we should be terrified at the thought of what they can do.  Well this drama said, “You are going to force us to choose one premise over the other?  No thanks, we’ll take both” which is how you can start with a rom-com and end with a suspense/thriller.  The overall plotline is fantastic.  No particular character overly stands out in my mind.

Assessment: it was not what I was expecting going into the drama but I absolutely loved it and it is terribly underrated

Healer (action and romance)

Unique elements: Not really anything in particular

Reasons why I rewatch it: Ji Chang Wook is at it again!  He plays yet another fantastic character as the male lead and the audience becomes very invested in seeing him accomplish his goals.  The female lead is sweet and adorable but also bad-ass in some aspects.  The romance elements between them are consistently developed throughout each episode in parallel to the action elements.  

WARNING: There is a really intricate and complicated and interrelated backstory of several of the characters that feels very melodrama-ie and really bogs down the plotline at times including many subplots that I’ve never bothered to rewatch after the first watching.  

Assessment: accurately rated very high by many people, and maybe even slightly overrated at times given how it gets bogged down at times, but still well worth watching

Descendants of the Sun (action and romance)

Unique elements: a special ops guy as the male lead and a doctor as the female lead?  Yeah, that’s pretty unique!

Reasons why I rewatch it: I honestly kind of want to marry the male lead.  He’s so bad-ass at his job, yet so down-to-earth yet suave in his personal life; his job gives him this aura of secrecy and danger yet he is honest-to-goodness a fantastic guy.  The female lead character is good but doesn’t always hold her own in her scenes with him.  It is rather fascinating to see them work things out as a couple when they are so obviously attracted to each other and really have fantastic chemistry together but view the idea of helping people from very different ideological viewpoints based on their respective jobs.  The action elements come from the missions it shows him doing but the plotline focuses much more on the progression of the romance.

WARNING: I was so obsessed with the leads’ romance story that I had a really hard time not skipping over all other subplots.  

Assessment: accurately rated very high by many

City Hunter (action and romance)

Unique elements: not too many except that it is perhaps the oldest action drama that has consistent and good action scenes throughout the plotline.

Reasons why I rewatch it: Lee Minho’s character is SO fantastic and he gives an excellent performance of it (his eyes are so expressive); it’s a complex character and he really does it justice.  The action and romance plotlines are developed nicely in parallel but through most of the drama are separated by a thin veil that is Lee Minho’s character’s mask. The female lead is adorable though a bit ridiculous at times given her job as a bodyguard, but her chemistry with Lee Minho’s character is still quite good.  

WARNING: Upon rewatching this kdrama, the plotline does really drag at times when it gets into all the politics of the specific men that he’s going after.  Still, a must-watch.

Assessment: accurately rated very high by many

The Woman Who Still Wants to Marry (romance)

Unique elements: Minimal if any

Reasons why I rewatch it: Kim Bum. Kim Bum.  Kim Bum. His character is fantastic and of course he is fantastic in how he portrays it.  His character is in his early 20’s and he’s a musician who plays the guitar and piano and the character just has a fantastic presence about him especially in his scenes with the female lead who is easily one of my favorite female leads of all time.  She is in her mid to late 30’s single, and rocking out her career, but she’s been through some pretty rough stuff on and off the job, too.  Their chemistry is fantastic.

WARNING: An oversized amount of screen time is devoted to exploring her on-the-job struggles and strife and I really don’t care about all those details especially when there’s a fantastic romance story to be told.

Assessment: rewatchable even if you have 30 kdramas on your list to watch that you haven’t even seen once yet

Personal Taste (romance)

Unique elements: Nothing much

Reasons why I rewatch it: Lee Minho.  Enough said. I constantly go back and forth as to whether or not my favorite character of his is in City Hunter or this drama.  This is one of those dramas that I first watched years ago and every time I go back to it I think, “it can’t possibly be as good as I remember, especially with all the dramas I’ve watched since then,” and then I watch it and am reminded of just why and how it is so good!  Lee Minho’s character is just so fantastic. The female lead is kind of cliché and dopy at times but they have really great chemistry together, they both have really good backstories that make you invest in the characters, and it has so many funny elements.

WARNING: No matter how many times I rewatch this drama, there are some characters that I just can’t get invested in so there are a few subplots that I have never watched

Assessment: while it is a classic kdrama and gets mentioned on lists fairly often, it doesn’t get nearly the recognition it should

One More Happy Ending (romance)

Unique elements: nothing in particular

Reasons why I rewatch it: Jung Kyung Ho is at it again! This is kind of a slice-of-life/romance about a group of people in their mid-30’s who are killing it at their jobs but not so much in their personal lives.  The romance plotline between Jung Kyung Ho’s character as the male lead and the female lead is really riveting and fantastic.  I just end up getting obsessed with their plotline.  It was one of those dramas where you look back on it at the end and you can’t really remember anything specific or noteworthy that happened yet it was all just so fantastic; you can’t really remember why you were so obsessed with it yet every time you go back to rewatch it, it is just as fantastic.

WARNING: There are a lot of secondary leads with the female lead’s group of friends and I can never get really invested in her friend’s subplots.

Assessment: rewatchable even if you have 30 kdramas on your list to watch that you haven’t even seen once yet

My Secret Romance (romance)

Unique elements: Even though the leads have a one night stand in the first episode, the female lead is able to act cool like it didn’t affect her but the male lead character can’t really get over it and it’s obvious to everyone who’s close to him

Reasons why I rewatch it: At 14 total episodes, this kdrama is almost exclusively focused on the main leads’ romance plotline – and what a plotline it is!  The whole dynamics of him ending up being her CEO are just so much fun – it’s such a good premise.  No matter how many times I’ve seen it, I always get obsessed with this drama when I watch it.

Assessment: terribly underrated

Legend of the Blue Sea (romance)

Unique elements: The premise itself is highly unique. (Also, Lee Minho!  Lee Minho!)  Each episode begins with a few minutes of a storyline of a relationship between a magistrate and a mermaid in the Joseon era.  Then it jumps to present day and we end up meeting a lot of the same actors from the Joseon era plotline and basically everyone is reincarnated from that era and are very similar to who they used to be in their past lives.  The male lead (Lee Minho’s character) starts learning more and more about his Joseon era self after he finds out just how much they look alike and he also starts having dreams from his past life in the Joseon era. Does history have to repeat itself entirely or can he change his fate for himself and the woman he loves?

Reasons why I rewatch it: The characters of ok on this one, but it is the plotline and the premise that really carries this one.

Assessment: terribly underrated

High Society (romance)

Unique elements: First of all, the female lead has all the sociopolitical clout and backing coming from a very rich family while the male lead grew up in a very poor family and he has always strived to make great gains in the business world.  I especially love the ambiguity and mystery found in the male lead (who is fantastically portrayed by Sung Joon).  Second, it follows the romance journey of two couples: for the male and female leads, their characters focus on internal strife, conflict, and angst – internal difficulties as they both wish to be raised as the other had; the secondary male and female leads are both simpler and less ambiguous characters but there romance plotline is no less compelling as they face mostly external, not internal, pressures regarding their relationship.  

Reasons why I rewatch it: The plotline is fantastic and I am obsessed with all four characters’ relationships to each other.

Assessment: terribly underrated

Coffee Prince (romance)

Unique elements: nothing in particular

Reasons why I rewatch it: Another drama that is a classic drama because of how old it is, Coffee Prince has strong comedic elements, especially towards the beginning, and also has a slice-of-life feel with following subplots for several of the workers at the coffee shop, but presents them in a slow enough way that we are invested in all of the characters.  With the female lead pretending to be male for most of the drama, this is certainly a gender-bender drama.  I usually find myself questioning if it really is as good as I remember it to be and then when I rewatch it, it confirms itself to me that, yes, it has stood the test of time.  Plus, Gong Yoo’s performance as the male lead is impeccable – he’s not just acting the character, in those moments he IS the character.

WARNING: Some of the subplots with the various supporting characters can slow the drama down at times so I have been known to skip some of these scenes, especially when I’m feeling particularly obsessed over the male and female leads’ interaction.

Assessment: accurately rated very high by many

Boys Over Flowers (romance)

Unique elements: literally zero, haha, but it is one of the most classic and well-known kdramas of all time.

Reasons why I rewatch it: Before you roll your eyes, let me just say two words: Kim Bum.  The reason why I’ve rewatched this drama multiple times is to solely watch only the scenes that Kim Bum is in, because I’m kind of obsessed with his performance in this drama, honestly.  He was the original “bad boy” character I became obsessed with and was the first character that went on my favorite characters list. I love seeing his character development, especially in regards to his female love interest (I honestly think his character has more character development than the male lead, or at least just as much, and he has a forth as much time devoted to his subplot).

WARNING: Because it is such a freaking long drama, it can tend to easily drag, even for scenes pertaining to the male and female leads.

Assessment: stunning performance by one of the actors

Cinderella and the Four Knights (romance)

Unique elements: not too many, really, if any at all

Reasons why I rewatch it: In some ways it feels similar to Boys over Flowers in that there’s one female lead who is interacting with several male leads, all of whom have significant screen time.  But unlike Boys over Flowers, the plotline rarely if ever drags and I pretty much feel equally invested in all the characters and especially with the romance triangle between the female lead and the male lead and secondary lead.  It’s one of those dramas that at the end of the drama you just think, “what was the plotline even about?  I don’t know, but I was obsessed about it!”

Assessment: terribly underrated

Another Oh Hae Young (romance)

Unique elements: very unique premise.  Basically, the male lead keeps having sudden, short visions of the future that all revolve around chance interactions with the female lead and he’s trying to figure out if he has the ability to have an alternative future from what he sees, especially when he sees a vision of himself getting violently hit by a car! But the female lead has struggles of her own: her life continually gets thrown into chaos over mix-ups with another person named Oh Hae Young.

Reasons why I rewatch it: the plotline is so fantastic.  I also really love the chemistry and tension between the male and female leads.

WARNING: there are a surprising amount of scenes dealing with the male lead’s, and especially the female lead’s, work environments that can really bog down the plotline at times – I’ve never bothered watching these scenes.

Assessment: terribly underrated

[v-le]

Kdrama: 그냥 사랑하는 사이 Review

Foreword: The entire composition of this “rant” took me about 5 months to complete. This drama changed a part of me. That is all I have to say.

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It hasn’t been a full 24 hours since I finished the last episode of this drama, and I may have not completely collected my thoughts yet, but I just want to make one point clear: it was a beautiful masterpiece that was simply too poignant, real, haunting, and raw for the world of kdramas.

This probably sounds like a terrible diss at the rest of the kdrama world, but to call this drama a kdrama, in my opinion, undermines its value. This show went beyond the boundaries of “normal kdramas” and brought us stories that are unpopular or just rarely addressed in the realm of kdramas in general.

To start off, I have a simple disclaimer, and it is that this drama is not for everyone. For some, it is too heavy, for others it is too slow. 그 사이 requires an open mind that is willing to absorb not only all the light, but all the dark, too. Because the brightest things tend to come out of the darkness.

Especially, towards the latter half of 그 사이, I began to cry really easily for every interaction that Kang-doo and Moon-soo had, for every event that made them a little more miserable or a little happier, for anything small or big in their lives. For the first time ever while watching something, I genuinely felt the pain of their worlds reflect onto mine, not because I necessarily related with them, but because their stories felt so real and tangible, that they were beginning to coincide with the stories of my own. Even up until the very end, although I thought it would be excruciatingly difficult for me to bid farewell to these characters and everything else they came with, I ended up feeling genuinely satisfied. Because, something about it, I didn’t feel like their stories actually ended there. It really does feel like Kang-doo and Moon-soo, and everyone else including Seo Joo-won, Jung Yoo-jin, Jung Yoo-taek, Ma-ri, Moon-soo’s mother, and Sang-man, too, are still living their lives somewhere far away from me right now in this moment. And to me, that was magical. Because whenever I finish a drama, especially a good one, I always felt extremely empty after its end. The withdrawal symptoms from amazing dramas are one of the hardest withdrawals to cope with. But after 그 사이, I of course felt regretful that it was over so fast, but I didn’t necessarily long to keep watching more and more, which probably sounds very odd, and maybe even bad.

But, no. Simply put, the way 그 사이 chose to wrap up these intricate storylines made everything feel overwhelmingly realistic. It wasn’t the ending of a story, but more like the closing of the curtains, the turning off of the cameras, and the end of the audience’s privileged priviness to their lives thus far. But the characters themselves, it didn’t feel like their stories ended anywhere close to there. I firmly feel like they are continuing. Just continuing.

How this drama managed to pull off such a clean finale, is something I will save to think about later. I know I am hopping around all over the place right now, but I felt that my post-finale thoughts had to be recorded promptly, before they drifted from me. Now, I want to back it up all the way to the end, to even before 그 사이 began to air. Oh, how grateful and glad I am to have noticed its uniqueness even prior to its actual premier. Of course, I didn’t exactly expect it to nearly change a part of me, but I had the slightest, really, just oh-so slightest inclination that this drama might contain all the elements that my heart has been searching for for so long.

After years of watching kdramas, one’s standards begin to naturally rise, and by today, I am definitely very picky with what I consider a “good” drama. Granted, everyone’s preferences are subjective, and my very own may be more specific than others’, but if anything, that probably enabled 그 사이 to rise in ranks faster than I ever expected.

Just from its posters, 그 사이 exuded a sort of ethereal calamity that most dramas don’t really go for these days. Everyone associated 그 사이 with the word “melo”. I am not sure if I completely agree with that description, because like the word “kdrama”, labeling 그 사이 as “melo” seems to undermine its value in a negative way. Melos have a stigma for being slow paced, dragged out, over-dramatic, and tear-filled for more than half the series. The most “melo” part of 그 사이 is the fact that its pace is definitely calmer; it didn’t rush into events and plot twists. But that is, in no way, a bad part of it. I will get back to its elements later. But trust me, slow added a gorgeous feat to 그 사이.

Going back to what I mentioned about the posters, specifically the one above, it felt like a movie. I had mentioned this to my friend, but upon watching the teasers and scrolling through a few images, the biggest thing that piqued my interest was that “it seriously looks like a movie!!!!”. Now, what I mean by “a movie” might sound pretty lame. However, personally, I am not a frequent moviegoer. In fact, I am barely a moviegoer at all. This is because I always felt overwhelmed by the end of movies, regardless of the genre. Movies were always so concise, impactful, and had the ability to leave a really strong, lasting impression within a really short amount of time. That sort of stuff always threw me off; it was just always too much for my brain to handle. Dramas and shows on the other hand, are way more subtle. I get to wean myself into the emotions and storylines, and there is an added level of depth simply due to the fact that they are longer than just an hour and a half or so.

And so, with 그 사이 giving me movie vibes, meant that I felt like it had plenty of room to hit me like a truck and leave me with a few scars, while at the same time, playing itself out as a 16-episode series. The prominent usage of cool colors, mellowed-down instrumental tones, wistful voiceovers, and a cityscape that wasn’t your classic, bright uptown Seoul, but instead a somber yet colorful Busan, all left a very strong, but refreshing first impression on me. It really looked like a movie. Its feats and details looked grand from the get go. It meant that I had a gut feeling that this show was really, seriously, going to move me. And it truly did. 

initialization & continuation--

The very first episode, like most first episodes, introduced us to the one thing that this entire series basically revolves around: the mall collapse accident. I don’t want to exactly recap what the first few episodes were about, but more of what stood out to me that made 그 사이 feel much more special than anything else out there so far.

Moon-soo is a hard worker, balancing a lowkey, blue-collared “job” for her family, as well as working as a designer. Aside from the maybe flawed balance of “work” she has going on, 그 사이 decides to show us the mundane parts, too. Clips of her scrubbing the walls, sweeping the floors, building paper models, simply going about the daily rounds in her life. The initial portrayal of Moon-soo accomplished something that many dramas cannot really pull off, and that is that Moon-soo is just like you and me. Maybe not in the same exact occupational way, but she wakes up in the morning, maybe restlessly, maybe a little bit miserably, she does the things she needs to do, she tends to her responsibilities, and she simply carries on her with life. Of course, not everyone can relate to her on an emotional level, but in a way, we can relate to carrying on with our days no matter how hard it gets. We can see that Moon-soo isn’t that happiest soul in the world, but she isn’t oversensitive and extra mopey, either. She reflects a part of us that we can empathize with, to varying degrees.

The most prominent thing that I initially noticed about Kang-doo was his sharp tongue and the fact that he was always getting beat up and walking around with scars and blood stains. At first glance, many would probably assume that he was your classic, reckless bad boy that doesn’t give two shits about the world. And to an extent, that is true. However, we are also fully aware of the kind of ordeals he has gone through, and we could, or at least I could, sort of feel this underlying pain that he carries around within himself. The eternal scars that Kang-doo carries within himself still haunt me to this day. I can’t even begin to fathom, how hard it must be, to carry so much trauma within one’s own mind. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to have your father die in an accident, to have been buried beneath rubble for 7 days, to have been stuck with a dead body, to have watched him die, to have your mother die promptly afterwards, to legitimately have schizophrenia due to the all these ordeals combined. In short, Kang-doo is fucked up in ways unimaginable to a normal person, but he hides it all away behind his cold eyes in a heavy layer of bruteness and disregard. From the very beginning, I could feel that Kang-doo’s character has so much complexity, to a point where I couldn’t even comprehend how deep the series would choose to dig out from him. I was excited, but at the same time, apprehensive to watch his story unfold. I knew I had to prepare myself for some massive waterworks. This, in itself, was something a drama had never presented to me with before. 그 사이, I could tell, would not be your cliche kind of romance story.

Even the opening, since the very first episode when I saw it, it pulled at something deeper than anything else. It is comprised of still frames of tragic accidents or sites of rubble and such. It is haunting for an opening and it definitely left a huge impression on me. It established a heavy aura that rarely any dramas dare to take on. 

Another random but poignant point that stuck with me was the scene in which Halmoni was smoking, and she passes the cigarette to Kang-doo, who also takes a puff. We only see the back of their figures as they sit on swings, but when they turn their faces to the side, we can clearly see that it is the actors themselves smoking, and not some sort of lookalikes. This left a lasting impression because it almost felt shocking, to watch Jun-ho of 2PM smoke so blatantly like that. Korean media always heavily censors these kinds of things, even if it’s ingrained into their culture like smoking sort of is. Watching him smoke felt kind of scary, in a good way. It felt real, that yes, even someone who is a top idol that sings and dances and has to maintain some sort of pretty image 24/7, can and will smoke. So fun fact: kpop idols are humans, too!

The other characters as well, Wan-jin and Sang-man and Moon-soo’s mom, and Seo Joo-won, Jung Yoo-jin, Ma-ri and Jung Yoo-taek, and Halmeoni played their own special, but very symbolic role as 그 사이 progressed.

Since our introduction to Sang-man, we can get the gist that he is “not normal”. Once again, at first glance, Sang-man looks like a guy who is mentally slower than everyone else. But with time, we get to learn how much more mature he actually is than the rest of our crew, in his own special kind of way. Some of his simplest lines hit the deepest, and although he wasn't exactly my all-time favorite character, I can safely say that he was a hidden gem amongst this web of characters. He is extremely precious, and he shows the audience a beautiful side to being mentally “different”. 

Then, we have Wan-jin who contributes to 그 사이 as a figure of immense support for Moon-soo. They share a friendship through their hardships and that in itself resonated really well with me. Throughout this series, we get to see small snippets of how the disabled are disadvantaged and disrespected, too. There is one scene that stands out to me, which is when Wan-jin tells her assistant (idr his name) that she doesn’t want his pity, but she simply wants to be treated like human, like everyone else. Because she is no less a person than anyone else is.

Even Ma-ri, head of the karaoke place that essentially “sells” girls for their presence: at first glance, she is your classic, rich, and manipulative female figure. But underneath that layer of presumable impurity, she is actually the victim of sexual abuse who has worked her way to her place and owes her life to the bravery of Kang-doo himself.

Furthermore, Moon-soo’s mother is more than a lamenting mother who has lost a child, but she is in particular, an alcoholic. Her relationship with her husband has gone sour and she barely manages to hang onto her sanity with the help of soju and Moon-soo by her side. Her mother portrays the agony of a child’s death in such a surreal way, that it only felt right for her to not be okay, in every way possible. She was a complete mess, but rightfully so. Her battle with alcohol didn’t end as just an unsolved addiction, but we were even able to see her enter rehab and conquer herself from within at the end of the drama.

Halmeoni played such an immensely pivotal role in this story. Her words of wisdom sat with viewers even weeks after she said them on screen. One of my personal favorites is “Just because someone is yelling louder doesn’t mean that they are hurting more”. Halmeoni played a sort of role that was like a guardian angel, who was present to give all that she could, until her own time was up. Her sharp tongue and snarky attitude made her likable in the most unique of ways. Because in the end, she was always sort of right. One of the hardest hitting things that Halmeoni talked about was when she was scolding Kang-doo’s sister, saying that it isn’t cigarettes nor cancer nor car accidents nor drugs that kill people. It is poverty. Because a lot of the times, poverty pushes people into these situations. And especially so, it is those in poverty that don’t have the resources to help themselves, in which they are left helpless to die. Halmeoni preached to viewers that poverty is the number one killer of humans. Her departure from the lives of our characters, and particularly Kang-doo’s, left a void that was meant for filling. I will never get over this, but I absolutely love how the show decided to handle her death. We didn’t see any funeral procession or all-black attire or wreaths or a nicely framed portrait. We just saw the aftermath, the broken pieces of Kang-doo and others, and we get to see how they pick themselves back up from all of it. It was a work of art, and it hit much, much, much more deeper than showing us the explicit parts.

All these supporting characters surrounding Moon-soo and Kang-doo indirectly dealt with things like mental health, people with disabilities, sexual assault, poverty, and even alcohol abuse. Aside from the obvious central theme of post-traumatic stress and remembering the forgotten, 그 사이 decided to touch upon these seemingly subtle, but very sensitive topics as well. All these characters were messed up or struggling in some sort of very real way. And it was so, so well done.

The next thing that I absolutely loved about 그 사이 was the progression of Kang-doo and Moon-soo’s relationship. It was simply drawn out so gorgeously. Of course, their fate began in a cliche sort of way, through the accident in which they both lost a loved one. However, this fact was only apparent to Kang-doo for a significant part of their progression. Moon-soo’s inability to remember the bits and pieces of the accident are compensated for through Kang-doo’s haunting ability to recall every miniscule detail, to an extent where he is mentally unstable. Time and time again, Kang-doo asks Moon-soo, what is the point of both of them suffering when only one needs to? This question was raised more than once during 그 사이 and I came to appreciate a sort of two-sided beauty to it. The fact is that, Kang-doo didn’t want another loved one to suffer, but Moon-soo didn’t want Kang-doo to suffer alone. Is it better to suffer alone and hold all the pain in? Or should you share the burden because it may be too much for one to handle alone? This is a dilemma that I resonate with in terms of my very own friends and loved ones. It is a question that we have all asked ourselves at one point. And it is a question that was at the forefront of Kang-doo and Moon-soo’s relationship.

Another thing with these two is that they came to love each other flawlessly. Although this came up before during Joo-won and Kang-doo’s conversation, when Moon-soo asks why Kang-doo loves her, he says “그냥” (just because). And that my friend, was the end of me. The End.

Of course, this definitely was not the only scene in which I cried, but it sure did release a flood of some sort. When posed with this question, the leads of many dramas don’t always list out amazing features of their significant other or anything, and they even say the similar things along the lines of “Do I even need a reason?”. But a one word answer, spoken so genuinely, so lovingly from someone who has gone through so goddamn much, has so much more meaning than a paragraph or an essay or even a book about how much he loves Moon-soo. It hits deeper than mundanely loving someone because they are pretty or accomplished or an amazing person. It touches upon a sort of love that only them two can feel and possess. Only them two, and no one else, will ever understand. And the feeling that this one-word description gave me, was one of a sort of invasion. I felt like I was intruding on something so precious and dear, the fact that Kang-doo spoke “그냥” in itself already felt like much, much more than I already should be allowed to know. I felt like anything further said would just tarnish the beauty of it all. That is simply how real and stunning their affection for each other felt.

Another point that many others could probably agree with is how their physical interactions exuded overwhelming chemistry out of the simplest actions. All they did was hold hands for a really, long freaking time, but it felt a million times deeper than just hand holding. Even when the two finally kissed, there was nothing extravagant about it. The two just genuinely wanted to be with each other. And that was enough. In fact, it was more than enough. I probably sound like a broken record by now, but these two felt so natural and organic together that I almost felt like I didn’t deserve to watch them be so cute and coupley and just in love. The surrealism was overwhelming and it is something that could only come about from stellar writing, and of course, the performances of Lee Jun-ho and Won Jin-ah.

Jun-ho absolutely blew me away. Watching him progress through this drama made me fall for him, hard. Honestly, I sort of want to not even talk about the fact that he is also an idol, too, because the stigma of idol-actors has no place in this drama. Jun-ho literally made himself into this person. Usually, when actors play a significant role, and even when they pull it off really well, I still tend to associate the actor himself with that one character, not in a bad way, but as a form of infatuation (e.g. Ryu Jun-yeol as Kim Jung-hwan in ‘88). Not to say that seeing that actor only reminds me of that one character, but more like, I always tend to see flecks of the character that I can never fully shake off no matter how hard I try.

But for Jun-ho as Kang-doo, this is not the case. I can separate the two, very clearly, too. Of course, as a person, they have completely different personalities and such, but its the fact that I can see Kang-doo existing in this world as well as Jun-ho the actor, idol, and human, too. Because that’s just how well he played it. And don’t even get me started on how multi-talented Jun-ho is as a person in real life, too. The fact that he can dance and sing super fucking well (with countless solo songs and albums to call his own) further blows my mind and raises him up to the top ranks of my favorite actors. There is nothing this guy can’t do. And I just want to mention, he isn’t particularly handsome or anything. To me, it is endless charms and abilities that make Jun-ho such a likable guy. I am absolutely proud to have watched him grow thus far.

As for Won Jin-ah, it was already hyped from the beginning that she was chosen out of “120 auditions” which is indeed a big feat, but I think just further adds to her credibility as an outstanding actress. She has such natural features of expression, and of course, that pure, innocent kind of vibe that is commonly taken for granted among actresses. I am going to be honest here, I am not as good at dissecting female performances compared to male performances, mostly because I am a female myself, but Won Jin-ah fit Moon-soo so well that I truly can’t see her as anyone else. I know that that kind of saying is a bit overused for many characters played by certain actors, but I truly do mean it in the same way I talked about Jun-ho as Kang-doo. She made herself into Moon-soo, in which I can firmly believe there is a Ha Moon-soo somewhere out there working at her mother’s bathhouse and making models, while there is also the actress Won Jin-ah doing her job.

It is just stunning, how intricate and detailed these characters were, and how well they came to life on screen. I can’t get over it, I just really can’t. If I daresay, it was almost as if I was watching a documentary. These two were that real together. It was heartbreakingly beautiful.

Which takes me into the angst realm of 그 사이. Many, many commenters of this drama mentioned how heavy it was, and how it was difficult to watch during hard times and such. But for me, although I admit I am a total sucker for dark and depressing shows anyway, its heaviness weighed me down in all the right ways. It tugged at the right corners of my heart, to a point where for the first time ever, I literally bawled my eyes out because of something beautiful.

It is pretty hard to explain, how I felt as I watched their lives unfold. The most prominent feeling, of course, was sadness and pain for when the characters themselves were in pain. Sometimes, I could feel the pain physically in my chest, and I wished until the end of the world that everything could be okay. But at the same time, when things just seemed to happen at the right moments in time, when their fingers seemed to intertwine at all the perfect angles, I weeped like there was no tomorrow because have you ever seen a couple so beautiful before? I haven’t, I really haven’t.

Anything that heals must have been hurt before, too. And that is Kang-doo and Moon-soo. They provide each other with a sort of healing that only they can feel and understand. While one radiates pain and suffering, the other absorbs it all and folds it with love into the layers that is their relationship. I agree to an extent that their occasional back-and-forth-ness got a little bit out of hand, but I also see it is as a sort of apprehensiveness. That these two loved each other so much, that they wanted to avoid hurting the other in any way possible.

So as much as their agony from the unfortunate events in their lives caused, and as much as they cried themselves, I cried along with them, the entire way through. And when there were those small, gorgeous moments of the light shining through the cracks for just a little while, I still cried. Mundane moments reflected something so much deeper than any viewer can feel on their own accord. Crying a shit ton during a show probably sounds like a negative thing, but for me, it simply shows me how much 그 사이 moved me. It moved my soul to peer into places deeper than the deepest places of my imagination. Even when I was simply walking to class in the middle of the day, I got choked up just thinking about Kang-doo and Moon-soo and how everything might unfold before them, for better or for worse.

Everything that happened between Kang-doo and Moon-soo felt so raw with emotion. Each line spoken to each other was purposeful and wistful. There really never was a dull moment between the two. The way in which some of the scenes were shot, the camera would shake in the slightest. It made it all look so brutally realistic, as if we were really there, privy to their thoughts and secrets and feelings.

그 사이 literally took over my life for the weeks that it was airing, and although this obsessive enthusiasm wasn’t exactly new to me (Healer & Reply ‘88 both accomplished this), it pushed me to ask why this show had the ability to do so. I honestly don’t think words alone will ever fully be enough to explain all of the pure beauty in 그 사이, but words are all I have at my expense.

silhouettes & hands & ice cream & carrots--

These are the small things that made this drama all the more ethereal. The cinematography and the way the sunlight hit the camera at certain angles, it literally printed itself onto my brain. These frames were magnificent and nearly struck a tear in my eye each time. The usage of silhouettes as well, was so, extremely well done here. I have no words.

One of the biggest things that also stood out significantly to me, although maybe not that big of a deal, but definitely worth a mention, was how well her hand fit into his. I have never felt such a swell of emotions through people simply holding hands. I swear to god, it is as if their hands were made for each other. Her hands are perfectly smaller than his, which means his covered them effortlessly. “You were born to be loved by me, right?” asks Kang-doo. Some of his lines were honestly so cringey, but Jun-ho pulled them off so well, they seriously sounded really natural to me. 100% cute and 0% corny.

And of course, the iconic ice creams. The fact that by the end of the drama, Moon-soo herself actually likes ice cream, too, can it get any cuter. To add to the cuteness, in real life, Jun-ho is ice cream obsessed, always posing with it, talking about it, even writing a song about it, and of course, eating it. I feel like the symbol of ice cream was sort of like Jun-ho’s piece to take from Kang-doo. It is like a part of him that he gave to his character, to fully make it his, but not exactly him.

The carrot is iconic because of the one line we can never forget. The line that Moon-soo meant, but didn’t really mean at the same time. The line that sputtered out of her mouth in a funny, exasperating way, but also in a meaningful, deeper, heartfelt way. Me too, Moon-soo, me too. I like a man that eats carrots, too.

thank yous & i love yous & geu sa-i--

This motif was quite a prominent one, but after thinking about it more, I started to realize the sort of message the writer and director were possibly trying to get at. The “i love you”s were touching and cute and everything, but the line(s) that got to me the most were not those three stereotypically monumental words, but it was the “thank you”s that cut deeper than most. How many dramas have you watched where the couple consistently thanked each other? And what kind of meaning did those thank yous hold? In 그 사이, Moon-soo and Kang-doo exchanged genuine, heartfelt thank yous.

The thing with these thank yous though, is that they have a multitude of meanings. “Thank you for picking me up today.” “Thank you for calling me.” “Thank you for being there for me.” “Thank you for loving me.” “Thank you for being you.” “Thank you for staying by my side.” “Thank you for being alive.” I could go on and on, but you get the point. These thank yous meant the universe to them, they relayed a sort of gratitude and passion and sentiment that only these two could feel and share. It all just felt so organic.

Next, I want to discuss the “trope” that 그 사이 utilized in which Kang-doo was fighting for his life towards the end of it all. This part was excruciatingly painful to watch, mostly because I honestly couldn’t tell how they were going to end it all. Nor could I really understand what sort of meaning each kind of ending could have. If they ended it happily ever after, why? And if not, what else were they trying to say? I just couldn’t tell.

Kang-doo was suffering from a failing liver, and I think it only made sense. From day one, he is depicted as reckless, especially towards his own body. A comment somewhere on Dramabeans stated it nicely: “Grandma kept telling him to stop taking [the painkillers] and to let his pain out instead, and with no granny to give him placebos, he ended up taking real, strong painkillers.” I feel like 그 사이 toyed with Kang-doo’s life as a sort of reality check, that shit goes on, no matter how good or bad everything seems to be turning out, shit still goes on. But by saving him, of course, maybe they are telling us that miracles really do exist. Most importantly, they don’t forget to remind us that these miracles may come at the expense of others’ own misfortunes.

And if anything, the dragging out of Kang-doo’s potential death left room for the supporting to characters to come out and shower Kang-doo with love. I can’t remember the quote exactly, but it was when the doctor asked Jae-young what kind of person her brother was, that so many random people were coming forward to readily donate a part of their liver as if it was no big deal. But Ma-ri countered wonderfully, that it is a serious decision to make, which is all the reason why it matters so much more. It was super duper heartwarming to see everyone try their best, in any way, to help Kang-doo and just have him live. I feel like giving us the most plausible hope of Sang-man specifically, was symbolic in which he, of all people, literally the most profound, but possibly most childish person out of our entire bunch, would be the one to save Kang-doo. But it also felt brutally realistic when they suddenly took him away as a donor because life just doesn’t get to work out perfectly like that all the time. But also with last-minute miracles, life kinda does tend to work out at the perfect times. Life is luck? Maybe.

But the ending scene, that goddamn, fucking gorgeous ending scene. I don’t even care if people whine all they want about how ending with a kiss scene is cliche and overrated, just leave me be to pick this one apart. In fact, the part that got me the most choked up wasn’t even the kiss itself (I mean, it partly was), but it was the dialogue, the eyes, the expressions, and the voiceover that got me wailing like a drowning beluga whale in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. Like smack dab in the middle. Wailing incessantly. That was me.

Because here is the thing. First off, we pan into a frame that overlooks the Busan cityscape as the sun is setting, the bright houses are subtly flashing their hues, the horizon is glowing all sorts of reds and blues and pinks and oranges and purples, and our couple’s silhouette is situated perfectly at the center of it all. Literally, just that still frame of that scene itself, took my breath away. Stunning cinematography at its finest. Moon-soo tells Kang-doo that she loves him, which we haven’t gotten a chance to hear after all the times he’s already told her the same. But here she says it and her eyes are literally glowing, and his eyes are peaceful yet joyous at the same time, the most comfortable, and just the most at-home I have ever seen them throughout the entire series. And then there is a really long pause with no dialogue, no sounds, no loud blowing, just a blank, subtle, empty noise, as he cradles her face which somehow just manages to fit perfectly into his hand, and then Kang-doo’s voice breaks through the ever-so-slightly prolonged silence, and he narrates “Moon-soo loves me”.

I will repeat that just in case you couldn’t read it above: “Moon-soo loves me”.

The impact that this one simple line had was massive, colossal, unimaginably poignant, and it hit me. Deep. This one line, I feel, gave validation to this entire show, to all our hours devoted to watching it, to the characters’ actions, and most importantly, to Kang-doo’s life. Throughout the entirety of 그 사이, he is literally battling for his life, not only physically at the end, but emotionally and mentally as well. He very much lacked that spark of purpose, the thing that made him live. Not to denounce his worth and say that now his life only boils down to Moon-soo’s love for him. It’s more like, she gives him another beginning. Kang-doo states this eloquently when talking with Seo Joo-won on the roof about why he loves her. “Just because”. He continues, “I was a man that could only live by the day. But after meeting her, I was curious about tomorrow”.

And so “Moon-soo loves me” is so pivotal in which Kang-doo has mostly, hopefully relieved himself of all the shit and guilt and trauma and struggles that he has been fighting from within, and all he needs in his life to keep going is Moon-soo’s love. This line is followed up with a “The fact that we are alive… it is a relief.” How fucking beautiful is that.

And now, this is where I can come full circle to the title of this drama, “그냥 사랑하는 사이”. The English of this has been commonly translated as “Just Between Lovers”, but as you can tell since the beginning of this composition, I do not prefer to use that title, for several reasons. The main one is that, well, sometimes there are things in other languages that you really just cannot translate. “그냥 사랑하는 사이” is one of them. The meaning that it has in Korean, the feelings and implications that it carries with it, simply cannot be translated into the English language. If I wanted to try, it would be something along the lines of “just your average, simple relationship between two people that love each other”. Which still sounds pretty stupid in English, but with those extra strands of meaning, and even more added depth, is what the Korean title holds. Also, for simplicity’s sake, Korean phrases tend to be condensed into acronym-like words. In this case though, “그냥 사랑하는 사이 (geu-nyang sa-rang-ha-neun sa-i)” as an acronym-ish kind of word is simply “그 사이 (geu sa-i)” in which the “냥 (nyang)” and “사랑하는” (meaning “loving”) are removed to now signify something along the lines of literally: “that relationship” or “a relationship”. “그” is used as sort of an article, I guess, meaning “that” or “a”, or basically anything not really specific like his or hers or yours. **I have never learned Korean formally, and everything I’m saying is legitimately self-taught, so please don’t quote me on any of this, but I am just trying to get my point across as best as I can LOL** This all boils down to how, to me, “그 사이” is so simple yet touching and moving and so full of meaning, that it has this sort of immense, hidden beauty to it. Not only is it, in this case, a shortened version of “그냥 사랑하는 사이”, but “그 사이” as a phrase in any context is seemingly mundane, but carries so much more than meets the eye.

Just like, you know, a relationship. But not actually. The love part sounds simple enough, and it is. They love. But how they came to love, what it means to them, contains a meaning so deep and intricate that, maybe, just to make things easier and to even preserve its profound beauty that we will never understand, we will leave it as... just a relationship.

And I find that incredibly moving. I am struggling right now, to type down my feelings, but I hope that it is working to an extent. For the first time ever, a drama’s title actually seemed to fit, in less of a relevancy sort of way, but in much more of a meaningful, heartfelt way. The title of this drama is so short, so plain, almost boring-sounding, but it encompassed so much more than that. It encompassed an entire, full relationship of two people that come to love, or even more than love, but live, through pain and deaths and guilt and hardships and tears and growth and interdependence, and just each other.

There is an infinite amount of complexity hidden within the seemingly thin and obvious layers of  그 사이, and I think this is what is at the center of its ethereal beauty as a show for viewers to absorb. The words behind the characters’ actions and the events that occur carry immaculate weight, that it makes you question things, maybe even about your own life. This is a sort of art that I have never, ever seen a show demonstrate, and it completely took my breath away. It left a million pieces of my heart shattered on the floor. I literally feel like my life has changed, even if just a little bit.

Which now brings me to the things that this show wanted to tell the audience. When commenting about 그 사이, many people tended to say something along the lines of “It had great messages, it was so deep, etc.” and yes, I agree with that, too. But nowhere did anyone actually say what those messages were. I feel like there is an infinite number of lessons 그 사이 wanted to teach us, but I’ll try to point out the more noticeable ones first.

think about this--

Remember the forgotten.

Awareness is one of the strongest forces, because knowledge is power. I feel that, amidst people’s ordinary lives, we sometimes forget to remember those who simply never had a chance to live. We all live so voraciously and fervently, but it is important to be aware of that fervor that couldn’t be. Some people questioned the intent of leaving out the final product of the memorial that our two leads were working so hard on throughout the entire show. One commentator wrote simply: "In a way, it gave cadence to the idea that the memorial wasn't for the public or even us as the viewers. It belongs to the victims and the survivors of the tragedy." Very well articulated. Nothing more is needed.

Poverty kills.

I touched upon this one a little bit in the above text, but here, I’m just going to lay down Halmeoni’s entire spiel because no could have said it better than her.

Mental trauma is in its own way, more painful than any physical sort of pain.

Jun-ho demonstrates this so hauntingly and beautifully through his acting as the broken Kang-doo. In an interview that Jun-ho had after wrapping up filming, he says, "I didn't know what these people thought. It's something you won't know if you haven't been through it. You have to experience pain to know what it feels like. So I didn't even dare to try to understand them. I just used my own method of shutting myself away”. So much personal heart and character lies within those words, making his performance even more credible and noteworthy. Here is a line from the wise ol’ Halmeoni that hits pretty deep.

Never take life for granted.

I feel like this sort of message has such redundancy and insensibility in common-day life, but it is a reality that 그 사이 brings to life gorgeously. These characters are struggling in the depths of their own despair on a daily basis. But in the end, we get to see them prevail in some sort of way, with the help of each other’s sheer existence. In the same interview, Jun-ho says, “You don't take things for granted. Every little thing from the sun and wind, is important.” It is so poignant, to see the actor himself connect so deeply with the plot and depth of the story itself. The ending scene of 그 사이 paints this message in the air and the wind, from Kang-doo’s very own voiceover. He says, “Because we survived… it’s a relief”. And that’s it. That concludes the entirety of 그 사이. What huge punch to the guts that line was. It was so bold, heart-rendering, and just true. It was true, that the simple fact that we are living our own lives, sad or happy, good or bad, pain or not, we are alive, and that is all that matters in the end.

words & frames--

In addition, I want to include a few more lines (that are conveniently included within the beautiful OST MVs produced by El Music Studio) that struck huge cracks into my soul as they were spoken aloud on screen. Honestly, these lines sound much better in Korean because there is a sort of depth that an English translation isn’t able to capture, but that is okay. English will just have to do.

“Misery is just... being miserable.”

“Looking down from such a high place like this, people don’t really look like people anymore, do they?”

“Just because they are crying more loudly doesn’t mean that they are hurting more.”

“Him distancing himself that much shows how much he actually cherishes you.”

“And so, more than anyone else... we must be happier.”

An extra note about the OSTs: none of them stood out enough for me to add to my music library, not even Jun-ho’s very own (as much I love his gorgeous voice). However, I can confidently say that they added a haunting effect to many of the scenes and portrayals throughout the show. All the voices and quiet, heart-tugging melodies that meadered its way between the dialogue and echoes, created some intense emotions that probably would’ve been empty otherwise.

noticeable hair-growth & flaws & final wrap up--

One of the things that I really came to notice by the end of this show was that the characters’ hair had grown significantly. I mean, this is a given. Hair grows over time. Duh. But aside from the fact that it’s an obvious naturality. I found to love how it added to the realism in 그 사이. The fact that by the last episode, Jung Yoo-jin’s hair was almost reaching her shoulders, Seo Joo-won’s was creeping towards his neck, Moon-soo grew out her bangs and swept it to the side, and Kang-doo’s covered his eyes a little more than usual, was just a touching sight to take in. Look how human they are! Their hair grew properly, following the time sequence of the series itself. How beautiful is that. It’s such a subtle, minor detail, but to me, it really stood out as an aesthetic touch to its already-brimming-with-reality depiction that 그 사이 establishes.

I could be biased here, but I want to say that 그 사이’s biggest fault was that it used supporting characters like Seo Joo-won and Jung Yoo-jin. Not to say that their roles were completely useless or detrimental to the plot, but more like, their roles were underdone amidst the medley of such a strong leading pair mixed with the other complex, unique supporting figures. Although Jung Yoo-jin thankfully did not play your classic, snooty second female lead vying for the main man, Seo Joo-won very much fell under this category, in his own male-ish sort of way. I honestly did not really appreciate some of his actions and words. I felt like his character was lacking the depth and charm that the rest of the cast hones in on so well. The writers really could have given more to work with, but with such bland lines and cliche intentions, I just couldn’t find myself warming up to him. Aside from parts of Joo-won’s incompleteness as a character, I guess another flaw could be the classic kdrama tropes 그 사이 utilized. As minimal as they were, some were there regardless. The wrist grab, the mid-fall waist catch, the eavesdropping behind a wall, and all of that cliche mush you could find in 1897957 other kdramas, were definitely present in 그 사이. But whatever. It was fucking beautiful anyway.

Finally, I want to address the last part of this clean finale that 그 사이 managed with ease. In particular, it was the montage of the familiar locations that we have gotten to see since the beginning. Externally, it looked plain and a little bit sad and empty. But I feel like these stills offered us so much, because these locations were more than places that our characters frequented, but they are perpetual within their spaces of time. These places, those sort of “places that you can always go back to no matter what happens”. Places of rest, of heart, of everything else that has and could happen. At this point I’m basically just rambling, but my point is that. It was breathtaking.

Also, let us just take some time to appreciate these real Busan visuals. 

To anyone that has read this far by now… Wow. Just so you know, you have read through an entire 5-month journey with my thoughts LOL. It is almost May now and my life has been too much of a mess for me to be able to post this within one sitting.

Many days have passed since I last finished this drama and wiped my tears off my face and blew my nose into a soggy tissue and gazed awestruck into the beautiful skyline on my laptop screen. But my feelings remain the same, and this series has held such a special place in my heart. When talking about Korean dramas with friends or acquaintances I try to sound nonchalant about 그 사이. Because, you know, it was just that one show that lowkey changed my life. 그 사이 made me feel things and taught me things and provoked thoughts that no other show ever has in my life. I really could care less about what the general public had to say about 그 사이. I just know, I loved it with all my heart and soul. Thank you for everything, 그 사이.