#the playlist...one of these things is not like the others LOL
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TOO LOST IN YOU - pt II
Paige Bueckers x bartender!oc (Valerie) (i know first part is x reader... i'm sorry for changing to an oc but it makes more sense in a multipart series)
playlist, part I
DISCLAIMER!: this is fanfiction (note the word FICTION), this is not a true depiction of what i think paige is like, this is purely fiction for entertainment purposes
Warnings: toxic!paige, language, some sexual thoughts but no smut in this one (sorry guys), paige is an asshole fr
Wordcount: 4.9k (sorry)
A/N: i got so much love and so many people asking for more after the first part <3 ty all i'm so grateful! this will likely be around 7 parts so please buckle up lol. ALSO I'M SORRY FOR NO SMUT but let me cook guys it'll get good. the point of this part is to get inside paige's head and understand why she is the way she is, things will speed up in the next part i swear. OK GO READ ILYSM MWAH
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It’s hard being Paige Bueckers. Not every 23-year-old had to deal with the kind of pressure I did. Most of the time it felt like the whole world was watching me, waiting for me to fail. It used to bother the shit out of me but after all the injuries, everything I’ve been through, I thrived on it. I knew I would prove them wrong - prove that I’m great, that I’m me. Just like my dad would tell me, over and over again. I knew I was great, so greatness was expected. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t come with a great deal of pressure. I always said pressure is a privilege. But sometimes when I lay in bed alone after a game, even a win, the pressure consumed me. I didn’t like to be alone. So I went around different girls’ beds, like they meant nothing. Because they didn’t - they were just a distraction from my own mind. Like I said, it’s hard being Paige Bueckers - hard being me.
“You okay babe?”
I’m shaken out of my thoughts, returning back to earth, back to the small bed I was lying in. The brunette next to me nuzzles her nose into my arm, watching me with that look I knew too well. Like she wanted something from me. I hated when girls looked at me like that.
I clear my throat, trying not to flinch as she wraps her arm around me. “Yeah Zoe, ‘m fine,” I murmur, letting her press herself to my side, her body sticky from our prior activities. Zoe was a cuddler, so she was usually last on my roster. It’s hard to plan your escape when a girl clings to you like a koala and worst of all, wants to sleep like that all night. I never got that, cuddling while sleeping. It gets hot, sweaty and cramped, I find it hard to believe anyone actually enjoys it. People just think they do because they’re in love or something. And I can’t afford to be in love. I had a natty to win.
Zoe’s slender finger brushes through my blonde hair and I can feel that claustrophobic, uncomfortable tightness inside me. Like I had to get out. Her dorm was dim and the air was heavy and slightly humid from the second round I had insisted on. The sheets stuck to my skin uncomfortably and her bed made this annoying sound everytime I moved or even breathed.
I turn my gaze to Zoe who’s looking at me, all googly eyed. Oh God. She smiles wide and presses a kiss to my cheek. The scent of her shampoo lingers in the air, the smell of banana and some kind of citrus. I had never liked banana scented things.
“Uh, anyway that was fun,” I mumble, and sit up on the bed, forcing her off me as gently as I could. “But I got practice early,” I add, reaching for my t-shirt and throwing it on.
I don’t notice the offended look on Zoe’s face. I grab my phone from the floor, checking my texts urgently.
Yo you tryna do a lil sum tonight?
I know ur not workin sooo we could have a lil fun like we did the other day
Valerie?
I sigh, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten as I stare at the read receipt underneath the texts. I tap on the back of my phone case impatiently, wondering if sending a fourth text would make me pathetic. Maybe I should just call her? Nah, I must be trippin.
Since I met her at Ted’s, Valerie was the first I called when being in my bed alone was tearing up my mind. But it didn’t mean anything, she was good in bed, good at making me forget who I was when I needed to. Also, I liked how she smelled, like coconut. And when she tangled her legs with mine I didn’t shutter or pull away. Sometimes I even wrapped my arm around her, pulling her into me. Not because I needed her. But because her body felt good against mine.
“Aw baby really?” Zoe whines in an overtly soft voice, wrapping the blanket around her as she scoots up on the bed. Her plump bottom lip, swollen from the rough kissing earlier turns into a pout. I quickly avoid her gaze, my eyes landing right onto the floor looking for my pants. “I wanted to cuddle.” Figures.
“I know baby, me too,” a lie, she would never know that though. “Can’t keep my hands off you if I stay tho and I need some sleep.” I lie more, never looking at her. She buys it though, like she does every time. It’s not like I liked to lie, but I also didn’t like disappointing people. Especially girls that looked at me like that. It would kill her to know I texted three girls after Valerie didn’t answer, and the only reason I was here was because Zoe was the fastest to reply..
I leave Zoe like that, naked in bed, pleading with her eyes. Sometimes I felt bad, because I could tell she really liked me. But then I remembered how hard it is to be Paige Bueckers, and I didn’t feel so bad. My job was to be great on the court. Everything else was just background noise.
-
I sit by the court, my chest heaving, throwing my head back to down some water. The squeaking of sneakers echo all around me, blending in with the sound of Geno’s voice screaming at some of the girls working on plays. Coach had been killing us today, not happy with how the last game had went. We had still won, but that was merely a reason to celebrate in his eyes.
All day I’d been missing shots that should’ve been child’s play for me. I couldn’t help but beat myself up. I was distracted, unfocused. I had been killing myself on the court, hoping it would bring me to my senses. Geno had been the one to tap me on the shoulder and force me to take a break I wipe the sweat off my face into the inside of my shirt, and grab my phone.
Bro are u alive?
I’m gettin worried lowkey
i’m fine paige
Five days. For five days Valerie hadn’t texted me back anything but that. I clench my jaw in frustration, shaking my head to myself. It made no sense to me - yeah we had a falling out but that’s what we did. We bickered and then we kissed and made up, and that’s what we had been doing for months so why was she acting like this now? Well… maybe calling her a psycho bitch last week hadn’t been the best move on my part.
I don’t know why the things she did bothered me so much. When she didn’t laugh at my joke, when she didn’t answer my texts. I don’t know why I felt a constant nervousness swirl inside me when she was mad at me, I had no reason to care. I guess the pussy was just that good, it was tricking me into thinking I did.
“Va-le-r- oh that’s the girl from Ted’s!” KK slams her hands on my shoulders, coming up from behind me, peeping at my phone screen. In a panic, I lock my phone, hiding it from her view.
“Bro, you heard of privacy?” I complain, shoving her playfully as she sits next to me on the ground. KK snickers, her nose scrunching a little as she does.
“Not since you started peeing with the door open,” the shorter girl next to me argues and I scoff loudly, my mouth wide open.
“One time! And I was drunk!!” I groan, my voice rising a little and eyes going wide. CD quickly turns around and shushes us, shaking her head. Me and KK quickly shut our mouths, my cheeks turning a little red from the scolding.
KK looks at me with raised brows, and then at the phone, and then at me again. Most of the team knew how I kept myself busy when I wasn’t training, but KK was the one who had joined me those countless times at Ted’s and sat with me at the corner table as I watched her. Valerie. There was something so intriguing about her I just had to keep coming back. I always thought once I’d get her to my bed and have my way with her, I’d be done with her, which is how it usually goes. Before I realised that one time turned into five, which turned into me being in her bed getting her right, not even caring about my own most of the time. Getting her off got me off. Just thinking about the way she looked when she came, the way her back arched, her perfect mouth fell open - I really had to stop thinking about her. Why was it so goddamn hard?
It won’t be hard to find another Valerie if she’s gonna keep this difficult act up.
“Girl trouble?” KK asks, her tone more genuine and I roll my eyes, looking at her sideways.
“Yea right,” I chuckle sarcastically, leaning my elbows to my knees. “Just need to find a new one is all.”
KK lets out a small laugh, sipping her water bottle. “The five you got not enough?” She jokes.
I smirk a little glancing at her. “Four,” I correct, as if that made it better somehow. “Just need someone… new,” I mumble, knowing it was the best bet to get my mind off Valerie. I’m sure eventually I’d find someone who was just as hot. Someone who also smelled like coconut.
“Then what do I say to Zoe.”
“Wh- Zoe?”
KK nods and grins at me. “She texted me asking about your shoe size or sum, wanted to get a gift for you.”
“She- she what?” My voice is full of shock and I can feel the claustrophobic tightness quickly grow inside me. I had never given her KK’s number. She was doing too much. KK just nods, clearly finding the situation amusing.
“Bro…” I groan quietly, as to not piss off CD again, and lean my head forward, resting my forehead against my arms. Zoe clearly hadn’t understood what “just fucking around” meant. Sometimes shit slipped out of my mouth, sure, but I never let her think I liked her. I had to be careful with her.
KK kisses the her teeth and is still nodding. “Yeah… probably time to let her go huh?”
“That bitch is crazy I swear,” I murmur and KK laughs out loud again. I punch her arm, reminding her to keep quiet - an impossible task for KK. Before I can stop myself, the words just slip from my mouth.
“Ted’s tonight?”
KK looks at me pointedly. “Valerie workin’?” she teases but I shake my head sternly.
“No man, fuck Valerie.” The words tasted bitter in my mouth. “Just need to find a new one, k?”
“You sure you’re not just gon’ ogle at her all ni-”
“KK.” I say sternly
KK nods. “Ok,” she repeats but I can tell from her tone she doesn’t buy it. She shuts up though knowing she could tease me about anything but anything about Valerie got under my skin. Truth was Valerie was working today. I just needed to see her just for a second. Just to know if I was overthinking it, or if she was really icing me out.
-
The Friday night had brought many other students to Ted’s as well, the bar pretty packed and the chatter loud over the music. KK had convinced Ice to join us so the three of us made our way in. The best thing about crowds was it made it easy to blend in, even for us. We push our way through to the bar, my eyes immediately searching for a glimpse of Valerie’s golden brown hair or her wide eyes. All I needed was to see her, I told myself. Even for a second. Then the twist in my stomach would straighten out.
“What can I get you?” The perky voice of the redhead asks over the buzzing crowd. I think her name was Natalie or something. Ice looks over the flyers on the bar, advertising a range of new drinks.
“Let’s try some of these,” Ice suggests and I grab the flyer from her hand. I didn’t really come here to drink so I couldn’t have cared less what we ordered. Especially now I realised Valerie wasn’t even here.
“Uhh yea can we get three Aperol Negronis,”
“You won’t like it,” a stern, but sweet voice interrupts the conversation. I’d recognise that voice anywhere.
Valerie steps out from the back, pinning her hair away from her face and for a moment our gazes meet. Her dark, wide eyes make me let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. For a moment I want to jump over the bar and touch her, to make sure she was really there and not just a mirage of my desires.
“W-why not?” I ask, my voice uncharacteristically shaky. Only with her I got like that. Suddenly my throat felt dry and the nervous twist in my stomach was turning into something you could only call butterflies. Of course I knew it couldn’t be butterflies, because that would mean I cared. I couldn’t afford to care. I didn’t have the time for distractions. I had a national championship to win.
Valerie scoffs looking away from me, ignoring me as I chase her gaze. “Because I know you won’t,” she says. The way she thought she knew me that well irked me. Still, I’d be lying if I said a part of me wasn’t beaming at the fact that I had her attention after a week of trying to chase her down.
I can’t help the pout that forms in defiance. She’s still ignoring me, pouring drinks for a group of boys clearly ogling at her - which only irked me more.
“Well… I want three of them,” I say matter of factly, trying to prove a point.
“Whoa Paige, maybe we should just get a shirl-” Ice chuckles but I shake my head.
“Three Aperol Negronis,” I dictate. Valerie’s stern eyes finally look at me. She looks almost a little scary, not pleased with my tone. “... please.” I add urgently, not wanting to get on her bad side. I guess some would say I already had.
Wordlessly, Valerie rolls her wide eyes and gets to mixing the drinks. I allow my eyes to wander for a moment, noticing how the white shirt of the work uniform hugged her body, the curve of her breasts making my mouth water. Just seeing her was enough to ignite the fire deep in my abdomen. The things I would do to leave with her tonight and take her to my bed, like I had so many times before. I would even settle for just some kissing. Just wanted to let my hands wander down her body, squeeze and feel where I wanted, with no urgency. I needed to feel all of her, wanted to drown in her.
“By card orrr…?” Valerie asks, clearly waiting for the payment. My eyes had gone glassy, and my lower lip had a small dent from the way I’d been biting down on it. I blink stupidly at her, struggling to calm myself down.
“I got it,” KK murmurs and slides her card to Valerie. I grab my drink, and the smell is enough to make my face scrunch up in disgust. I swear it smells like battery acid, and as I take a sip I notice - it also tastes like battery acid. I swallow the orange liquor, it burns on its way down making me cough a little. Valerie was watching me amused. I hated when she was right.
“People actually drink this and like it??” Ice asks, her voice hoarse from coughing as well. KK nods agreeing but I’m too stubborn to admit defeat.
“I actually like it,” I lie with a straight face, my fingers twitching around the glass as I try to get over the bitter aftertaste in my mouth.
“Oh right,” Valerie says, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she turns to another group of customers. I can’t help reach over the bar, my hand grabbing her arm. She turns back to face me, icier than I had ever seen. It shocks me enough that I let go of her, taken aback.
“What?” she asks, her voice filled with annoyance.
“You seen my texts?” is all I ask, and it comes out a little too desperate for my liking.
“Yes,” Valerie says matter of factly. I wait for her to continue but she doesn’t.
“Uh… well thought we’d link up or something,” I add, shifting on my feet as I do.
Valerie sighs in frustration and takes a deep breath to compose herself.
“I’m good,” is all she says and flashes me an ice cold smile. I feel a strange pang in my heart. She had iced me out before, but not like this. Usually seeing her face to face was enough for her to forget our petty little arguments, enough to get her on me again. “I have work,” she adds before finally returning to serve the other customers.
I stand there for a moment, astonished. An uncomfortable ache that had been wavering in my chest was growing too intense for me to ignore anymore. Maybe it was all my fault after all. I had told her I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else and in the moment I had meant it. But then I remembered the stakes. Last year to win a national championship, last year to prove my greatness. I wasn’t going to mess it up just because of some girl. A relationship would be nothing more than a distraction, an unnecessary responsibility. I had enough on my plate. Valerie was selfish for wanting me all to herself. She didn’t understand what she was asking for. Maybe calling her a psycho bitch wasn’t so far off.
I feel someone bump into my back and turn around to find a girl, cheeks blushed and apologetic. I see her eyes widen in recognition - it was always that moment when I knew I could have this girl if I wanted.
“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, I’m a little drunk,” the girl giggles and I offer her an easy smile. I consider taking this girl home, imagining the way I’d lure her into my bed, just a little bit of sweet talk and a smirk would be enough, a hand on her waist, thumb rubbing her skin and soon she’d get this look on her face like she had to have me. It would be so easy, and I wouldn’t have to think about Valerie at all.
But the pain in my chest doesn’t go away, even when I let my mind wander further, how this girl would look underneath me, whimpering while I fuck her. It did nothing to make the pain go away.
“‘S fine,” i murmur and decide to ignore the way she was blinking at me, biting her bottom lip. I grab my drink from the bar, and push past her, finding KK and Ice sitting at our usual table. They both look at me, but don’t ask where I’d been. They both knew better. I sip my drink, cursing to myself in my head about ordering it. With sheer stubbornness I finish it quickly, finding that easier than taking small sips.
“You’re never picking what we drink again,” KK scoffs, copying me, her face scrunching involuntarily when she finishes her drink. But I barely register her words, as I lean back in the chair, head tilting back to watch Valerie.
She’s giggling with Natalie, throwing her head back in amusement. The chatter in the bar is deafening, but I swear I could hear her laugh in my head vividly. Like my brain had memorised each tone of her voice. There was something different about Valerie, she always shined the brightest in every room she was in. Even the dingy bar was lit up by her. She wasn’t even necessarily extremely lively. It was her mere presence that just made everything better.
I noticed it the first time I ever saw her, early september. All she did was walk past me on campus, talking lively into her phone. It was her voice I had heard before even seeing what she looked like. Her voice had been enough to make me have to see her. Of course she hadn’t even looked my way, not even a glance. That was the moment I knew I had to have her.
“You enjoy it?” Valerie asks KK and Ice, fully ignoring me as she walks to our table to clean up. I watch the golden bracelet she always wore dangling on her wrist as she grabs the empty glasses. I lean back and tilt my head to look up at her, needy for her attention. Licking my lips I look her up and down, that usually worked enough to get her naked. But now, she didn’t even glance at me. Annoyance grew within me as she chatted with KK, laughing at her jokes.
It was then when my eyes moved from her lips to her neck that I saw it - a dark bruise underneath her ear, right on the spot where she liked to be kissed. I knew, because I had left many bruises there and gotten scolded for it. But this wasn’t mine. This was someone else’s.
“Okay well see ya around,” Valerie smiles and turns to take the glasses to the back. I feel the pang in my chest quickly flip, turning into anger. I was furious. Who did she think she was? Sleeping around with someone else, not answering my texts, letting someone else mark her like that. I felt my body turn hot, and without a word to KK and Ice I get up from my seat, nearly knocking it over as I take quick strides to reach Valerie, following her into the back, ignoring the STAFF ONLY sign on the door.
My steps are heavy and loud as I reach her, standing by the sink, handling the dirty glasses. I was shaking my head to myself, trying to control my anger. But it was getting the best of me.
“Staff only plea-” Valerie starts and turns to me, unable to miss the redness of my face, the clenched jaw and the way I was biting on the insides of my cheeks. “Paige?” she asks, furrowing her brows, confused.
The pounding in my head grows and I let out a scoff, not feeling in control of myself. My brain was moving faster than I could follow, I felt lightheaded. I felt furious.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask, my voice loud. I didn’t really care about being overheard.
“Huh?” Valerie asks, clearly bewildered, but already getting defensive in response to how I was acting.
“What, you don’t text me, call me or nothing? Because you’ve been too busy fucking some other bitch?” I yell, my hand pointing to her neck. Valerie’s eyes widen in realisation but quickly turn angry too.
“I- WHAT?” She yells back and takes a step towards me.
“Don’t play dumb. So who is it?” I say sternly, grinning bitterly at her, my eyes looking down at her.
She scoffs and rolls her eyes shaking her head which only infuriates me more.
“I said. Who. Is. It?” I repeat, grabbing her arm. She pushes my hand off her, anger growing on her face as her brows furrowed further.
“How is it any of your business who I sleep with Paige?” She argues.
She had a point. We weren’t exclusive. Matter of fact it was pretty hypocritical of me to be so angry when I had a roster of girls on my phone, ready to answer my calls at any time of day. My anger had taken over though, and the little sense I had when it came to Valerie, was completely gone.
I throw my head back and chuckle bitterly, provoking her further. “See I knew you’re a lotta things but didn’t know you were a slut too,” I hiss, the words slipping out without much thought. I couldn’t think of anything but how furious I felt.
Valerie laughs loud, but it’s not the sweet laugh I was used to. It was a bitter, angry laugh.
“Me?! You’ve slept with every girl that swings your way on campus and even some that don’t! You’re the slut Paige!” she screams, her wide eyes burning with anger, her finger coming up to point at my face. It pissed me off, the way it was assigning blame, like all of this was my fault. Like it wasn’t she who slept with someone.
“I don’t owe you anything!” she declares, her voice revealing a hint of hurt, the way it cracked slightly. “I’m done with you. I’m serious Paige. Done,” she adds, her voice calmer, but more authoritative. “Now get out of my bar.”
My face was hot and red, my chest was heaving and my head spun. The hurt in her voice made me waver, made my chest ache more. I blink at her stupidly as she turns back to the dishes, already missing having her attention. I was fine with the yelling, the fighting, as long as it meant she was looking at me, or talking to me. But now she’s done with me? Fine, so was I. Wouldn’t take me longer than a day to find a new Valerie.
“Pshh whatever,” I murmur and storm out of the back, heading fast towards the exit. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my chest felt tight and I could taste the bitter Aperol on my tongue still. It made me nauseous,
I’m gasping for air once I feel the chilly breeze of february hitting my skin. The silence outside was overwhelming, forcing me to realise the rapid pace of my own thoughts. My mind was swirling with flashing images of Valerie, on top of someone, looking down at her like she did at me, the idea of her moaning someone else’s name made me sick.
“Fuck!” I shout, unable to control myself. A group of girls near me turn to look at me but return to their conversation when I sit myself down on the curb. What a standard I was setting for student athletes everywhere right now.
My eyes burn and before I notice, a tear rolls down my cheek. I bury my face into my hands and rub my jaw, my anger easing with each exhale. I didn’t know why I was crying, I didn’t understand any of this. I couldn’t believe the things I had said, the way I had acted. I was supposed to be disciplined, in control, but I felt so out of control when it came to Valerie.
“Paigey…” KK murmurs and suddenly I realise her and Ice are standing in front of me, looking down at me sympathetically. Embarrassed, I wipe the tears away and try to steady my breathing.
“Uhh sorry just gimme a sec guys,” I sigh looking at the ground. They sit on either side of me, wrapping their arms around me. I lean into Ice’s shoulder and I’m grateful how they don’t pry, or talk. We just sit there in silence for a while.
I take a deep sigh and lift my head back up, chewing on my bottom lip. I glance at both of the girls sitting next to me, grateful for the friends I had. At least I got one thing right.
“I dunno what just happened,” I sigh, shaking my head thinking back to my behaviour. The shame I felt made my cheeks turn a shade of red.
KK chuckles softly and ruffles my hair affectionately. “I do,” she mumbles.
I furrow my brows and turn to look at her. She looks back at me like whatever was about to come out of her mouth was obvious. KK and Ice glance at each other before KK opens her mouth to speak.
“Bro you have feelings for her.”
Oh?
Oh.
My mouth parts in realisation as I move my gaze from KK to the pavement. It’s just us now, sitting in silence, the sounds of passing cars and the muted sounds of the bar the only noise in the chilly evening.
“C’mon P boogers, let’s go home,” Ice says, standing up and reaching a hand down to lift me up.
KK hops up and nods. “You need some Tru Fru,” she adds.
With a nod, I let them pull me up, following them to the car. I had feelings for Valerie. Shit. I'd just have to find a way to get over it - I couldn’t afford all this. Not right now. Not with the world watching, waiting for me to fail. Not with a national championship on the line.
-
taglist: @thaatdigitaldiary @wbbismypassion69 @bueckersfive @onlyhereforpazzi @lovegalor333 @mandyvivic @frankoceanlvr303039 @angryflowerwitch @taylynbueckers44 @mamixdanni @rosemariiaa @d3arapril @darkskinchristiandiorpostergirl @vbueckers @sageworld @makethemhoesmad @sierrale8ne @tndaqlifwy @justliketoreadsowhat @oreo2sblog @sftlyortega @slvt4her
NEXT ONE WILL BE HOTTER I PROMISE
#too lost in you#lilas writing#paige bueckers#paige bueckers fanfiction#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers x female oc#wnba x oc#paige bueckers smut
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YAY tag game!!
Three Ships: Ron x Hermoine, Loki x Sylvie… hm. I really don’t have many romantic ships lol.
First Ever Ship: y’know I was never really into shipping characters as a kid. Maybe Rain x Spirit?
Last Song: Rooftops by Falling Up! Listened to it on the way to work and it’s been stuck in my head ever since :)
Last Film: Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part One. I’m not an HP fan but this is the one movie in the series that I enjoy! The platonic dance scene… the focus on relationships… the friendship… burying Dobby… Luna and her dad… heyheyheyhey <3
Currently Reading: Wingfeather Tales by Andrew Peterson & a whole bunch of other authors, as well as No Visible Bruises by Rachel Louise Snyder! I’ve been reading them both for a few months so I’m hoping to finish one or both soon XD
Currently Watching: Tommy’s exile arc!! I’m also working through a playlist of youtube videos about autism, and slowly but surely watching every single Ghostbur stream in chronological order.
Currently Consuming: I had a sandwich not long ago :] I’ve also been really into bottled water lately lol. I feel like I’ve been able to drink way more water this way as opposed to drinking out of cups? Likely due to me keeping a bottled water with me at most times. Perhaps I should invest in a water bottle…
Currently Craving: a good sleep & a good workday tomorrow!! The bathrooms at work got vandalized today so <3 it was eventful. Hopefully things will be quieter tomorrow aakhsjsgsjsgsjsg
No pressure tags: @lmanburgseulogy @biathediamond @pinestripe37 @zorishy @thatfriendlyanon @iiusia @sunflower-chai @thisistheendtimes @brown-little-robin @fairytale-lights & anyone else who’d like to hop in!
9 Peeps you'd like to get to know better
tagged by @nickelkeep
Three Ships: Charthur (RDR2) Reid/Foyet (Criminal Minds) Hancon (DBH)
First Ever Ship: Vegeta and Bulma
Last Song: Rather Be by Clean Bandit
Last Film: Last movie I watched was "The Wind Rises"
Currently Reading: Charthur fanfiction
Currently Watching: I watch/listen to a lot of Game Grumps (my comfort background sound) but I am watching Adventure Time, Great British Bake Off and Triple D usually
Currently Consuming: Coca Cola
Currently Craving: Not sure really, I'm craving food stuff but also emotional stuff
Tagging: @starstrucklucky @t3acupz @thosetwistedtales @daddyfuckedme @mrsdanieljackson @boopthemanbooster @savage-rhi @badheroes @tilliwriteapine
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Hi! Sorry if this is weird or anything, this is my first time sending an ask lol
But I just finished reading your writing about the singer/influencer reader and omfg I love your brain. Like imagine the reader did a cover of/wrote like spit in my face by ThxSoMch or Cigarette Ahegao by Penelope Scott (love her sm btw-) cause just imagine the GUILTTT
Imagine the Batfam listening to their music and just hearing the bitterness in their voice as they sing “Screwing everything up, doing everything wrong, In my defence I wasn’t supposed to be around this long, so” HGDECANZZKNFBVD
Anyway, I love your writing and I hope you have an absolutely amazing week! Take care of yourself too- drink water, eat some food and try to get some sleep ml <3
Nah anon you're cool. I love reading asks. ALSO credits to Luludelulusramblings, they made the originally made Influencer reader. Batfam belongs to DC as usual. Singer reader post: here
You know, in the Art History year 1901-1904, Picasso started the Blue Period where he only painted in the shades of Blue. It started due to the death of his friend, later his financial struggles, and of course the current state of the society. Blue Period art was so good but so doleful and depressing that no one wants to hang it in their house. Singer! Reader started their career covering mainstream songs, band songs, maybe even vocaloid.
Their blue period started months before they planned to leave the manor. It was a simple cover of MARINA’s ‘Are you satisfied?’ A lot of burnt out overachievers ate that cover, even Tim himself. The song is basically the reader questioning the Wayne last name. Sure it was a goldmine to others but to them it’s a ticket to misery. One song cover turned into many song covers, enough to make a long playlist to play at 3 a.m. when you’re about to have a breakdown.
The whole playlist? Batfam avoids it because it reminds them of the times they could have been giving you love but they didn’t BUT at the same time they can’t really avoid it. It became like those guilty pleasures playlist. Damian loves and hates reader’s ‘The Family Jewels’ cover because it reminds him of the fact that he and the reader are basically on the same boat. They were just children who needed attention and love. He got that attention and love immediately because of the whole league of assassins backstory. He won’t admit it but the weight of the role weighs like tonnes of iron on his shoulders.
Jason, Bruce and Cigarette Ahegao will roll together so much. That man has twice the amount of trauma Bruce had and his coping mechanism sucks. All the aggressiveness was just a coping mechanism, underneath he’s a man with conflicted feelings and those years of being dead and suddenly being resurrected didn’t help. Let’s face it Bruce is a tired man who lives a double life. He's a man who dresses up like as a bat making sure the city is safe but he can't cover all grounds. The neglect on reader was unintentional but neglect is neglect.
Dick with reader’s cover of ‘Stressed out’ by Twenty one pilots, no explanation needed. ‘This is me trying’ by Taylor Swift with Cassandra, Stephanie, and Tim. Cassandra and Stephanie being raised by villains and Tim being an overachiever to have his parent’s attention. His parents being always away and realizing he basically did the same thing to the reader by making them feel invisible.
Double guilt if they left the playlist on autoplay and ‘Daddy issues’ plays. Any version but I think the original fits the bill. Reader ends their blue period with a cover of Mother Mother’s ‘Burning Pile’ basically saying ‘Yeah fuck it, it’s over. I’m burning it, I’m leaving it, I’m closing the chapter’. But to the Batfamily, it meant renewal and turning a new leaf, an invitation to make things better.
#the scholar in me is proud for making art history reference#yandere batfam x reader#yandere batfam#yandere batfamily#platonic yandere#yandere#platonic batfam#platonic yandere batfam#neglected reader#batfam x batbro#batfam x you#batfam x male reader#batfam x batsis#batfam x reader#gender neutral reader#yandere dc#yandere platonic dc#yandere bruce wayne#yandere damian wayne#yandere jason todd#yandere tim drake#platonic batman x reader#platonic batfamily#bruce wayne#damian wayne#dick greyson#tim drake#jason todd#soft yandere#yandere x reader
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♡ Treylas ♡
aka - chocolate clovers ♡
Inspired by midnightmah's ship intros !
Treylas (or chocolate clovers, I use them interchangeably), is one of my oc x canon ships between Trey and Silas, who's twisted from Mary Sanderson from Hocus Pocus. This post will simply be me rambling on about their relationship and sharing facts that won't make it into my oc intros.
More under the cut!
◇How did they start?◇
During the culinary crucible, Silas, Trey, and Kalim were paired up together. Silas knew of Trey, but they had never really interacted up till then. They both sort of bonded over their baking prowess, and Kalim let it slip that Silas loves chocolate. From that point onwards, Silas noticed Trey a lot more and vice versa. And the two started to talk to each other a lot more, too. Up until fall, Silas had seen Trey as just a friend, even acquaintance, but one morning, Trey suddenly gifted Silas some chocolate cookies he made. And that's what made Silas fall in love.
◇How are they doing now?◇
Silas had never really made any friends. This was due to his monotone voice and his scary face, but those were things he couldn't control! Almost everyone at NRC was intimated by him. But not Trey. In fact, Trey would even tease Silas sometimes, barely worried about Silas's reaction. If it was anyone else who was teasing him, Silas would have been annoyed, but for some reason.... he liked it when Trey would tease him.
Throughout fall, Silas tried his absolute best to hide his crush on Trey. Silas would always hide his smile whenever Trey would talk to him, and he'd try to act calm whenever Trey would touch him. Almost every single thing Trey did would make Silas blush and have to hide his face. It was a miracle that Silas was so good at hiding his emotions. As for Trey, he loved being around Silas. Even though he was slightly frightening, Trey could sense that Silas had a softer side to him. They found themselves enjoying each other's time more and more as the school year went by.
As the days went by, both guys found themselves falling more and more in love with each other. And Silas could confidently call Trey his friend.
At this moment, Silas and Trey are not a couple. The two still have yet to confess their feelings for each other. Will they do it in the future? I guess only time will tell...
◇Random Facts◇
Trey loves baking for Silas. He loves to see his reaction to what he makes. They also bake together sometimes.
Trey is one of the only people who is allowed to touch Silas. He dislikes it when most people touch him, but Silas actually kinda likes it when Trey touches him.
Silas actually becomes a little playful around Trey. He sometimes teases Trey and even steals his glasses if he's confident enough.
◇Playlist◇
◇ That's it for now! (Until I add more in the future, lol.) ◇
#treylas#☘️🕯chocolate clovers#🧡 - silas#twst#disney twst#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#ocs#twst oc#oc x canon#trey twisted wonderland#twst trey#olives rambles#Spotify
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i was tagged by @kedsandtubesocks to play the lil self ship game !! 🥺🩷✨️ tbh i don't really know anything about the self ship stuff but — it looked fun and i wanted to play LOL tysm erika !! for letting me play house too 🥺
tagging : everyone. it's literally so much fun ajfhskal
#the playlist...one of these things is not like the others LOL#listen. the korn song is one we just like to listen to togethet LOL it was either that or 'walk' by pantera ajfhakakla#and i couldnt decide on a movie so i picked two he he#i think bkg likes thrillers bc he tries to figure out the plot twist before it comes up 🙄#also i couldnt find a good picrew to make him in !!! so...yes all those dudes have hats on bc it was surprisingly hard to find good —#— pictures of blonde men LOL#✿ will x katsuki#✿ tag game
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And guilty I may be But don't give up on me In the wake of the Odyssey We will still be thick as thieves You and me, still thick as thieves
#desperate creatures#lyrics pulled from one of the many songs I associate with them via my four hour+ playlist. shinedown my beloved#also as usual I used this art as a reward for getting actual Responsibilities™ done#“spent an hour on Important Owed Art! time for some gay old men :)”#showed my mom and she doesn't know a thing about this show other than what I've splurged about... but she wants it on a shirt LOL#actually I'd really like some kind of print with it too. with the gold foil parts all shiny or holographic somehow? might look into it#good omens#good omens fanart#aziraphale x crowley#aziracrow#david tennant#ineffable spouses#michael sheen#screentone#angel wings#winged humanoid#feathered wings#PS I used a chain brush for aziraphale's robes#like heaven's bonds he's currently latched to
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A very normal scientist doing very normal gene splicing experiments (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Gaster#Wobbledogs#Sometimes media flooding bleeds over into other interests at the same time and yes that is my only justification for this lol#I'm always most amused by the sequence of things lol - I'd already started in on Handplates again but then got very diverted by Wobbledogs#Which is especially weird to me because I was introduced to the game like half a year ago and it didn't really grab me#It's cute but eh it's fine - and then I watched a proper lightly edited playlist not like jumpcut-jumpcut-jumpcut#That can make for a very punchy one-off but it doesn't really reflect the gameplay loop#So actually getting to see it properly made the difference and I kinda Get It now and also kinda want to own the game lol#MeanWhile - Ghoster's been hanging out as my desktop buddy literally /while/ watching and I was getting new ideas on that front#They smushed together lol#Having him onscreen is just a good excuse to do a quick once-over style of study and follow some silly ideas haha#What would Gaster think of a progressive mutation type game ♪ Watching them grow watching them struggle to walk#Only uses the scold feature - or the worse option that he treats the dogs better than the skelebros noooo haha#Pretty much all of the creatures in Undertale are sentient to some degree aren't they :0 Wobbledogs are just dogs#They're not monsters but they're not humans but they're not exactly just dogs either - just little creachurs haha#It's fun to imagine him nurturing anyone or anything haha ♪ Goes from ''???'' to ''How can I help this reach their full potential''#Whatever ''potential'' means in his own context hehe#It's cute in its own way
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IDENTITY. <?>
#riddlebat#edward nashton#fanart#digital illustration#this one is real old and ive been tweaking it a bunch since i started it#for no real reason tbh#i love this stupid cup noodle ad song#that whole collab was just a bunch of amazing songs one after the other#i have a yt playlist for these two and it wound up being mostly vocaloid songs#thats part of why i made that porseka au#im not gonna link it bc its one of those just for me things#just like this drawing actually lol#i hope someone out there likes it too haha#have a nice day¡¡
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never thought i'd hear chk chk boom be played at our school field on the speakers but we gone done it lol
#we're basically having sports week at our school and all of our days are spent at the field#and they were making the kids play musical chair AS A SPORT (😭) but we were having fun because they started playing songs on the speakers#while everyone was busy cheering me and my friends started chanting 'change the song! change the song!" LMAO#and it was so fun seeing others join haha#its not like our school didn't play kpop. its just the usual gangnam style and SOME bts songs if we're lucky#but usually its just random songs i feel like the sir was just scrolling through insta reels and chose whatever he was watching 😭😭#WE SUCESSFULLY MADE THEM PLAY APT BY ROSE#we started chanting 'A-P-T!' continuously and then EVERYBODY JOINED IN IT WAS SO FUN#and maybe he found a kpop playlist via that because then he played dynamite lol#BUT THEN one of my teachers called me aside for some discussion regarding the prep for the next days and then while shes talking to me#I HEAR CHK CHK BOOM PLAYING HDASHDASJK#my stay friends came up to me to call me but then they saw things were v serious between the teachers and all so they started smirking/groa#-ing#RAHH I MISSED IT THE FIRST TIME AND THE FOMO WAS HITTING ME HARD#but THEN after a few rounds of some desi item songs THEY PLAYED IT AGAINDHAHDA#i had a religious experience listening to chan's pre-chorus on the loud speakers. thats all ill say#we were literally rapping in gibberish and i literally fell on my knees when chan's part came up im not even embarrassed 😭😭#and it was so surprising to me to see everyones reaction because they were like oh! ur a kpop stan! oh! like i feel their whole perception#of me has changed somehow 💀 cant say if its for the better or worse loll#but all that matters was i got to experience this religious moment with my friends cuz im just a girl🙇♀️🎀#(also cuz it was musical chairs they stopped playing just before the chorus 😥 but that didn't stop us from screaming the whole song heheh)#stray kids#skz#personal
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Genuine question- is writing someone you've been together with for a month a 3-page letter about how you're in love with him and wanna stay together after your exchange semester insane or just pathetic?
#for context tho- weve been a thing for 2 months and officially together for one month give or take#and during those 2 months we've seen each other pretty much every day and sleep over at one anothers places more times than we dont#seriously. i sleep alone like once a week lol#also he hung out with my dad for like an entire week so its not super unserious or anything#but still IS THIS CRAZY BEHAVIOUR YES OR NO?#im even turning on anon for this bc i need to know how far off the deep end ive gone 🥲#diary entries#i also made an accompanying spotify playlist if anyone cares.
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Stranger Things, Vol. 1 Track 01: "Stranger Things"
Significance: title track, appears every episode over main title credits; originated by the phrase, "stranger things have happened"; also a play on Stephen King's Needful Things Notable Appearances/Similarities: theme is used within other ending/cliffhanger songs; extended version occasionally plays over end credits; "To Be Continued" from the s2 finale ends with the theme; orchestral cover by Rob Simonsen plays over the ending scene of s4
#stranger things#strangerthingsedit#lex creates#s1#sttracks#<--- blacklist or filter out that if you aren't interested in seeing these#bc i plan on doing one for every single kyle dixon and michael stein st track#same tag as my other soundtrack edits but#i wish there was a complete list of every single song that borrows from other tracks within the albums#i've tried making playlists for exactly that and my brain is just not with it lol#so. i'll probably mention some that i know sound similar#and other little fun facts if i can think of anything#but this is mostly just a series of like. where tracks appear + why they are named the way they are and stuff#also an excuse for me to talk about the soundtrack
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what's your favorite song?
sorry man i couldnt decide on just One
so i made a playlist <- i DONT recommend listening to it on shuffle some of these songs are so soft and some are so LOUD
#i ordered it from most docile to most hostile#<- but i know that there are. more “hostile” songs in my playlists#but yea#i wouldnt rlly go past coordinate shift if ur not too good with loud-ish screamy songs#theres some calmer songs past that (punisher. exit girl. for you and your denial) but id ->#categorise everything else as pretty aggressive#sid answers#lol one more playlist to. add to my ever growing list of playlists#i gotta fix my other ones actually#also its 1am ive been organising this thing for two ish hours.#what can i say. i like sorting :shrug:#anyway SORTING TAGS#sid rambles#ALSO I HAD TO COMPROMISE ON SO MANY SONGS.#I DONT HAVE THE CRANE WIVES ON THERE#OR OTHER VOCALOID PRODUCERS#OR OTHER PUNK BANDS#GRAAAAH#I HAVE SO MANY LOUDER SONGS TOO#AND SOFTER SONGS !!#I WANTED TO KEEP IT SHORT GRNFHHDHR
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alright, perhaps it is time to start colourmaxxing
#just me hi#okay so i got an mp3 player for m birthday (yippee !! woohoo :D) and the earphones i got w/ them don't fit in my. ears hgkfjs#like the left one is fine but my right ear is too small for the bud.. and it's not one of those ones with the rubber thing so i can't fix#the sizing lol </3#anyway so i'm looking for earbuds that won't explode if an ant touches them lol ; i found some that come in blueeee#my player is red.. i Could just get black.. but clownmode starts Now lmfvhsh#/yea so the player situation;#it has radio (YAYYY 💫💥💫💥💫) but it can't hop on any wifi so i have to download onto my computer and then onto the thang#which is okay. or WOULD be [dun dun] if i didn't put every song i liked ever into one playlist Lmaofjvshj#400+ songs in one playlist Is difficult.. and i still have some character playlists i wanna add lollllll#so doing that rn.. oohoo...#i've managed to get it down to like 294 which is cool but i am hanging on to groups of songs i do not care about for some reason kfhsvbh#cuz i add music in clumps so everything is in 'groups' that only i can see lol :)#i don't wanna spend a bajillion years downloading this stuff thoughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh houuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu#ofc there are groups that simply cannot go. like the whiteboard sections and that entire coin album Lmaoo#but also man i don't think i'm in the brain space for this rn pfshv#i am hearing sounds and i do not care. but also i think i do so i just leave them there for future me to check later kfsh#anywho i'm gonna try to get it down to around the 100s#that Does mean i have to removed 94 songs rn tho... difficult decisions really bfsh#//aaaaanywho i'll prolly just save the rest of this for later#i've got other things i should be doing and things i wanna be doing and things i need to do or i'm going to turn into sludge again so hfhs#back at it like always!! i should get some water....#but YEA. toodles :3
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so perhaps having j.erma VODs playing quietly while I sleep isn't the best idea
#jolted awake at 5:30 bc he was doing this weird high pitched quiet screaming fbdhdnsl#THE PLAYLIST I WAS USING SAYS THERES NO SCREAMING IN ANY OF THE VIDEOS IN IT THOUGH 😭😭 LIES !!!#and i had the most fucked up dream that one of my mutuals was in a cult and they'd been disabled by the cult's human experiments#and the experiments were focused around attempting to clone them to figure out how to clone ppl. they just happened to be the test subject#actually it was their parents who were in charge of the whole thing so like... there was no escape for them#and i was just watching them post abt it in horror bc there was nothing i could do#and i was like wanting to reach out to them to let them know i was there for them but... what could i do or say 😭#GOD that was fucked up. that helplessness sucks so bad#there was some other more disturbing things in the nightmare that I shan't speak of fjfkdl it was Bad#BUT THE SCREAMING MIXED RLY BADLY WITH THE NIGHTMARE FJFKDL I WAS SO FREAKED OUT WHEN I WOKE UP AND IT KEPT GOING#im going to stick to his f.rog detective stream vods maybe fjfkdl i know those are safe LOL#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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I'm going to preface this story by saying: I don't necessarily believe in karma, but
I may have been walking through today with a vague sense of disbelief tainted with unkind smugness after my tiktok fyp was flooded with poor fans who tried to get presale ticket to one mr n. kahan's new tour only to find that demand was through the roof and GA pit tickets were seriously going for $300, in presale, and even the "worst" tickets in the lawn were going for $70
and while I undoubtedly think it's deeply unethical for both platforms (thanks ticketmaster) and artists to allow such dramatic ticket cost inflation, I also generally don't relate...
I (VERY LUCKILY) gravitate towards smaller acts, and the most I've paid for a ticket all year has been, like... $90 for a ticket to beyonce, which got cancelled and I was refunded lol. if I look back at all my receipts from shows this year, most have been around $50/ticket after fees, and several have been closer to $20. my favorite show I've seen all year was a $15 ticket.
it's mostly luck—I tend to like smaller acts, and I've been seeing mainly rock acts this year, and those tickets simply don't run as high as pop acts. and part of me is honestly very grateful that I haven't been swept into any of the really recent huge acts.
I think of all the people scrabbling for boygenius or taylor swift tickets and how much money they've had to shell out... how a lot of them don't even GET to see the acts they want to see because they've been priced out or tickets sold out. I can't remember the last time a show I wanted to go to sold out lol. maybe bastille in london?
and again, it's just a matter of luck that I'm not really into any of these megastars and therefore don't have to compete in the gladiator arena to try to see shows I want to see, but sometimes luck manifests as a feeling of self-satisfaction, you know? who among us hasn't experienced a little self-superiority from time to time.
look, if YOUR tiktok was flooded with people saying concerts have been awful since 2021 (including rock and metal shows), but every concert YOU'VE been to since 2021 was amazing and the crowds were really good and you always got tickets and it never broke the bank, you'd feel pretty validated in your choice of musicians and the crowds they attract too, alright?? sue me! I felt frugal AND undeservedly clever!
anyways back to karma. guess who got invited and subsequently agreed to shell out $70 to sit in a lawn and listen to mr. n. kahan sing. I'll give you a hint, her tumblr username starts with an r and ends with an s
#I KNOW LIKE. A SINGLE ONE OF HIS SONGS.#the thing about me is I'm earnestly really good at not judging other ppls music taste because:#I have a whole 1000-song playlist dedicated to music I love but don't play for other ppl bc I regard it as my Fun Time No Taste Music#and it's not that it's bad it's just not as curated as I prefer my music showed to other people lol#and that means I don't judge people for getting really into a band that doesn't do it for me personally#but. I will admit that I have that deeply annoying personality trait wherein if a billion people get into something...#for unknown reasons my own desire to learn about and get into that thing plummets. hashtag hipster. hashtag annoying#so that's kinda why I've never explored a lot of mega-popular musicians#(see: hozier; mitski; boygenius; taylor swift; one direction; noah kahan; etc etc)#+ obviously I don't make quality judgements off of that. I've heard some hozier songs. he's very good. I like handfuls of TS and 1D's music#but I don't have the drive to Also Get Into It#which means I never have to fucking melee for tickets in the queue ahaha and I am very grateful for that#but idk. I think there's something to be said for purposefully seeking out midsize or small acts. I don't really like stadium shows!#my fave concert this year had less than 100 attendees and the lead singer walked right off the stage into the crowd#everyone was chill and gave him space (this was the friday pilots club show)#and I think I can compare it to big vs. small fandom#small fandoms tend to be well-behaved bc everyone knows everyone and beef poisons the whole space lol#and also it's a matter of numbers! the more people who are in a space... the higher likelihood someone's an asshole#and I've been in tiny fandoms that blew up (hellooooo omgcp) and saw that happen firsthand#and I sort of suspect that rule holds true for concert spaces/music fanbases! more people = more variables = higher likelihood of foolery#hell I think of when I was really into 2010s alt rock DURING the 2010s and had to deal with assholes at alt j concerts hahahah#and it was just because I *was* into the music that WAS of-the-time in 2015!!!!#and now as an agèd 20something who likes metal shows I'm just chilling and watching pits form at lowkey 1400-capacity venues#because that's the scene! and I'm not in the thick of it with the current Music Of The Hour#anyways all this is to say that I don't think noah kahan is bad or untalented or unworthy of seeing!!!!#clearly he is if I'm going to fork over $70plusfees to see him with my friend#it's just that I'm grateful my tastes have veered into the cheaper side of the music industry.#I think I'd keel over if my favorite artist was TS and I had to deal with. all that. to go see her.#stronger than the marines etc etc
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#audio#natalie lain#ok so no one asked but long story on this#basically natalie lain was a minuscule alt musician kind of semi local to my area back in 2016#but in recent years became a psychedelic dj of sorts and you can find her on spotify if that's your thing#BUT. because of this drastic change in musical direction she decided to DELETE the ep this song is on from her spotify not too long ago#like she just completely erased her emo roots right? Ig she was embarrassed by it or something idk. and like I get it. I do.#But I was DEVASTATED when I realized she did this!!!!! I unironically love this ep! like these songs were on carefully curated playlists#that i use for story arch daydreaming and she just fucking! deleted them !!#and she's suuuch a small artist like these songs weren't posted anywhere by anyone other than her and she covered her tracks well#like these songs weren't available online anywhere#HOWEVER. my dear sister (bless her soul) had gone out to a local gig back in 2016 where this chick was selling her ep on cd#and bought one with what she had (like 2 dollars)#SO anyway long story short my sister gave the cd to me recently bc I'd been meaning to get the tracks ripped onto my computer#so I thought it'd be cool to post some of them lol.#this is exclusive content yall!!!#anyway. this is very emo vampire romance demolition lovers core and it BOPS.#originalpost
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