#the picture of her and my grandfather back in the 80s is still on the wall too :')

[ihophashbrowns]

visited my grandparents' house for the first time since my grandma's funeral...... an odd but not awful feeling.

[homunculus-argument]

I think something that people really overlook when it comes to how peoples' appearance changes with age is how rough life used to be back in the day. Historically speaking, for the most part people were ridden hard and put away wet, of course some medieval writer would think that a peasant girl is at her prettiest at the age of 16 when she still has all her teeth, if the average woman is constantly either having children who might survive childhood or too malnourished to get pregnant at all, and it's not like anyone was wearing sunscreen while working in the fields or wrangling with cattle.

I mean hell, you can look just a few generations back to see the difference - I've seen pictures of my grandfather at the age of 35, the age of 50 and at 80 and he looked exactly the same in all three. Like the only real difference between them was his hair gradually going grey. Having four kids before the age of 25, working long weeks driving a lumber truck and spending your free days outdoors through snow and shine without caring much more for your physical wellbeing beyond making sure that your toes don't freeze completely off, on a solid diet of potatoes from your own field and game you shot yourself will do that to you.

So while people not looking all that different between 20 and 40 - and especially actors and celebrities who have the means to invest a lot of money on their appearance and will do so because they rely on their looks to make a living being hot into their 50s - is historically a very new advancement, there's nothing particularly implausible or unnatural about it. More people just have better means to maintain their health and appearance instead of being run to the ground and ground out to the bone at the rate that used to be the norm.

[shipcestuous-two]

ShipCestFan's IRL Observations – Episode 2

Hey, Shipcestuous. ShipCestFan here. Back with Episode 2 (lol) of my “ShipCestFan’s IRL Observations” for Ship-two.

In episode 1, I told about the cestship between my ex-gf, “Jill” and her grandfather, “Jack” back in my college days in the late 80s. I’d like to stay with Jill’s family and, now, talk about the “vibe” I got from my gf’s mom and what I observed between her mother and Jill’s older brother. Let’s call mom and bro “Jane” and “John”, respectively. Again this happened in the late 80s so about 30 plus years ago.

So Jill and I dated for about 18 months. In that time, we took a week-long spring break trip to visit her mom and brother. Jill’s childhood home was about a 3 hour drive past grandma/grandpa’s house I mentioned in the first story. We showed up at Jill’s childhood home on a Friday night, ready to spend what I thought was a relaxing week with my gf, her mom and her brother.

But my cestship goggles soon started to fog up from what I was observing throughout the week. lol  The first thing I noticed was how smokin hot Jill’s 40-something mom, Jane, was. The second thing I noticed, as MILF Jane gave me a tour of her home, was that it was a very nice home… VERY nice…grand even. I immediately concluded that Jill had played down her lifestyle, and they were (unlike me) upper-middle class, if not upper class. The third thing I noticed was that her mom was smokin’ hot! Oh, wait, I mentioned that already. LOL

Seriously, through the week, I also noticed how big brother seemed to have a fascination or obsession with his sister’s ass – my girlfriend’s plump, apple-bottom behind. He was constantly joking about it or even complimenting it like “ass that can stop traffic”, I remember. And to which my girlfriend would just giggle in appreciation as she gauged my reaction? It was weird. And while I had already started shipping in my mind, this was happening IRL, so I was thrown a bit off-guard. It was almost surreal and left me speechless most times.

So night one. We arrived late, around 10PM IIRC, and we were exhausted. We headed to my girlfriend’s old bedroom where we settled in. We were relaxing on top of the bed when in strolls mom to “catch up”. She had changed into her “sleepwear” so she was braless and wearing only panties and a t-shirt. The tee just barely covered her hips and butt and as Jane slide onto the bed and shuffled around while conversing with us, the tee kept riding up to her hips. And mom’s efforts to keep covered were kind of feeble.

Now, as much of a romantic shipper that I am, back then, I was still a hormone-raging 20-something guy. So catching glimpses of this MILF’s bare thighs, occasional butt cheeks and even glimpses into her Venus of Delta, while other stuff was “jiggling”, resulted in a bit of a… “situation” for me. Oh, and did I mention the “oversized” t-shirt she was wearing was “your brother’s tee”, as she told Jill. Mmmkay.

My main concern was that my girlfriend would notice me ogling her mom and throw a fit. Well, my gf did notice but she was far from upset, teasing me mercilessly after her mom left, for getting aroused by her mom. I was speechless that she was making light of it rather than getting upset. The flirting and sexual banter seemed really easy for my gf… and for her mom. And the fact that they were so easy with it around each other made my shipper goggles fog up greatly!

On first full day there, we chilled out. I remember sitting with my gf and going through photo albums. We came to a picture of voluptuous, big-bosomed mom just a few years earlier clad in a bikini with drink in hand and giving the camera a sultry (if not drunk) gaze. Without much emotion, my gf chuckled and mentioned the photo was from… “the party that ended my parents’ marriage.” An explanation followed.

So as I mentioned, they seemed upper class, and their home was part of a subdivision of luxury homes sitting in a brick-wall, gated community where nearly every home had an in-ground pool. So with that in mind, the story that followed the photo was that apparently, my GF’s parents divorced after dad discovered bikini-clad mom in the poolhouse (shed really) getting it on with their son’s 20-something guitar teacher during the party. Apparently, mom blamed the alcohol but dad was having none of it and split… divorcing.

What this revelation revealed to me was that (1) mom liked young-adult, hunky men. And (2)… with dad moving out, I realized that mom was left alone in her grand home with only her hunky son, seeing how their daughter – my girlfriend – was away at college with me. John, Jill’s brother and Jane’s son – was living at home and commuting to a state university near their metro area. So he was living at home with mom… just the two of them. She liked young adult men; he seemed to be attracted to his sister, and their mom looked just like his sister, maybe hotter.

Most people wouldn’t think anything of this living arrangement. But us shippers go there. Our shipper-goggles make us acutely aware of nuances that may create cestship situations, and IMHO, this one with mom and son was definitely one. But I had not yet seen anything weird between mom and son…that is until day 3 into the vacation.

Remember, the mom and son were living by themselves in the home; mom liked young hunky men; son had flirted with my girlfriend, his sister, so he was obviously not opposed to cestships, and thirdly, neither mom nor son were in a relationship or really dating. It was the perfect storm for a cestship between mom and son to develop, IMO.

On the third night, I got my slight evidence between mom and son. The 4 of us were watching a movie in the living room, and Jane (mom) and John (son) got into a jokingly verbal spat over the plot. The debate turned into a playful wrestling match between the two. And right there in the middle of the expansive, carpeted living room and in front of me and their daughter/sister, mom and son wrestled playfully until son cried uncle with mom straddling his groin and pinning his hands to the floor. No big deal right? No…that is if it wasn’t for the obvious arousal in the two.

When they were through and separated, both were disheveled, out of breath… and VISIBLY aroused. And when I say visibly, I mean very obvious… in mom and in son. And mom had just been atop that big ol’ lump in her son’s groin. And most weirdly, I got the impression this wasn’t the first time mom and son had rough-housed. If they were in a sexual cestship, maybe that’s how it began? The whole act had seemed… done before.

And again, just like in the bedroom on night one, my girlfriend seemed unfazed by her mom and her brother’s behavior with each other; she seemed unfazed by her mother and her brother’s arousal. My girlfriend had a big smile on her face, chuckling as if the wrestling match was natural and just a playful event that had just taken place – boners and pokies aside, I guess? Mmmkay.

The morning after the wrestling match lol, I got up early as I was/am an early-bird. I was fixing coffee when mom appeared from her bedroom, fresh from a shower and sporting a long, purple, terry-cloth robe. I got the distinct feeling she was naked underneath; her hair still wet and matted to her temples. Her master bedroom was on the main floor with an en suite bathroom while Jill and John’s bedrooms were one floor above where they were still asleep. Hell, brother and sister could have been screwing as mom and I chatted in the kitchen for all I knew! LOL

So my GF’s MILF mom and I sat at the kitchenette table and conversed about school, her daughter and life in general. I remember she crossed her legs and the robe slipped away, and she made no effort to cover her delicious, exposed thighs. I was reminded of her t-shirt show on night one. Then at one point, I got brave and asked mom about the cheating incident? She repeated her denial but then craftly turned it on me, asking me if I had a question specifically? I remember not having one and shrugging, just wondering if it was true? Her response was something akin to, “do you want it to be true?” Mmmkay.

Um…er…. was my girlfriend’s mom hitting on me? I was, after all, a hunky, young man like the guitar instructor and her son. But like I’ve mentioned, I was young, naive and still in denial that these kinds of things (like MILFs hitting on young men) really happened beyond movies and porn. LOL So I laughed nervously and when she noticed my discomfort, she pulled back and changed the subject. But today, after decades of observations and experiences, I am absolutely convinced mom was strongly… “suggesting”.

For years afterwards, I was flabbergasted that she would screw over her daughter like that. But as the years turned into decades, and my shipper-goggles have gotten stronger, I wonder now if she believed her daughter would not have minded? And I now wonder if Jill really would have cared? Maybe she’d even have gotten off on it considering how amused she was on night one when too-short-tee-wearing mom aroused me? Oh, if only I had the courage and insight back then that I have today! LOL

That night of day 4, Jill, her brother, John, and I went out to a dance club. The drinking age in 1987ish was still state-regulated and 19 where we were located. We had a blast, either all 3 of us dancing together or Jill taking turns with each of us. But there were several times where my gf’s dancing with her brother bordered on quite suggestive. But the drive home was really telling.

On the drive home we were all 3 feeling good (but not drunk). Being the guest, I had relinquished the front seats to the siblings and was in the backseat conversing with both of them. And minutes into the 20 minute drive home, my gf turned in the front seat with the excuse to look at both her brother and me in the backseat while conversing. But she turned to point her short, pleated skirt toward her brother, giving him an unobstructed downskirt view.

For nearly 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend tease her brother. As we made conversation, I watched her “unknowingly” (read: intentionally) parting her knees repeatedly, and her brother frantically glancing between the road and the downskirt provided. And once again, I couldn’t help feel like this wasn’t the first time that hey had engaged in this… back-n-forth teasing/game.

Either they were in a cestship, already, and found it arousing to tease in front of me? Or, they were enjoying the game between each other. Remember, my girlfriend knew I was open-minded to taboo and cestship, so it wouldn’t have surprised me if she was slowly trying to gauge me with my tolerance level around her mom and around her brother.

Regardless, it was still very surreal, especially because my girlfriend was very turned on when we got home, which led to the two of us messing around after we had said goodnight. And so of course, you know where this shipper’s mind went, right? Who was on my girlfriend’s mind, really? Mmmkay.

The week came to a close with another interesting moment. On Friday night, big bro went out with his friends. My girlfriend, her mom and I hit the home-bar and mom’s hot tub which was indoors as part of a sun-room. After quite a few margaritas, we were, all, feeling good. And bikini-clad mom was again flirting with me and again, my gf seemed unfazed by it – a huge smile across her face.

At one point, I actually wondered if something was going to transpire among the 3 of us when mom and daughter slid on either side of me. But it was just more merciless teasing. Nothing further happened, maybe because I lacked Testicular Fortitude to make something happen? As I said, if only I had the courage back then that I have now! LOL

I left my girlfriend’s home at the end of that week with more questions than answers. Had my girlfriend’s acceptance of a consensual cestship with her grandpa made the taboo less threatening for her, and so she had maybe also gotten into a cestship with her brother? Or maybe, she and her brother had been in a cestship first which led to her also getting involved with her grandfather?

If her brother was in a cestship with his sister, did that make it easier for him to move into a cestship with mom after sis left for college? Or did mom initiate a cestship with her son which gave him the courage to ship his sister?

And what about my girlfriend and her mom? As I said, they seemed VERY at ease with each other’s sexual banter and teasing. And my girlfriend had admitted to fantasizing being with another woman. As a shipper (and I think most shippers), my mind immediately went to the possibility that my girlfriend (1) seemed open to cestships and (2) fantasized about women, so…. maybe, maybe, maybe? LOL

The relationship between Jill and me turned sour shortly after our return, and then we ended things. So I never got answers to my questions. But what I observed in our relationship and that week are still questions I ponder today, particularly around how do cestships really start? The whole experience with Jill, her mom, her brother and her grandpa only increased my extreme curiosity about cestships that continues to this day. And that curiosity has led to a lot more observations, so stay tuned.

Until the next episode…

--

Wow, you certainly saw many things that would make a person wonder. It sounds pretty fair that you were asking yourself the questions that you were asking. Especially given what you already knew about your girlfriend and her grandfather.

I’ve read about families like this, lol, but it sounds like you actually encountered a real one. Incredible. 

Thanks so much for sharing!

[thedawningofthehour]

I was raised Catholic too, Fai, you won't be able to use this one.

When Bambi was on the topic of whether the Yokai would allow more violence in children's content all I could think of was that here in Latin America many kids including me and my uncles grew up with this.

Back in the 80s the local TV stations needed content for kids, however American cartoon licenses were very expensive so they had to use anime, which was cheaper at that time. They did the dubbing with professional actors and censored almost nothing.

That also reminds me that when I was in catechism, once they played the Passion of the Christ, you know, the one that is rated R. We were in elementary school and I was the only one who was uncomfortable about it, and by uncomfortable I mean that I went to cry in a corner, which surprised no one because I was the crybaby of the class.

When I found out about all the changes they made in the English dubbing of several classic anime I immediately thought it was sacrilege and that American kids were pussies.

What, you guys never had assignments to invent new grotesque and detailed tortures to punish sinners in hell? You never had to write your own obituary detailing the saintly events of your life? Every Friday during Lent, you didn't listen to some tape of a woman reading off how Jesus's flesh was stripped off and going into detail about what happens to someone's lungs when they're crucified, while the teacher turned the lights off and made you all sit on the floor alone so you could 'reflect' better?

My elementary school actually didn't like The Passion of the Christ when it came out. Which is weird, considering it was weirdly fundamental for the area we live in. (my mom attended meetings where they discussed whether it was okay for the kids to read Harry Potter and Chronicles of Narnia and she thought it was the dumbest shit ever) The only thing I can think of that might explain that is that the Pope didn't like it. (You were kind of young when he died but people were like...obsessed with John Paul II)

Yeah, I grew up in a very liberal area and my parents weren't really religious so I'll think it didn't really affect me, but then I remember shit like that and go "what the fuck?"

I also remember crying after our principal (who was such a religious nut that even at my elementary school he was forced out of the position after a year) told my class that animals didn't have souls and would never get into heaven. I was upset not only because I didn't want to go to heaven without my pets, (I think this was after we got Angel, but I had another bird before him as well) but my grandfather was a notorious animal lover so I wanted to believe that he had all his pets and then some up there. This guy basically berated me in front of the class for being so childish and stupid to even want that, and told me that my birds didn't actually love me because they didn't have souls and therefore couldn't love. Which-what the fuck? Once I grew up and actually did my own reading I realized that I wasn't being childish at all, this is actually a point of contention with a lot of Christians-Roald Dahl famously became disillusioned with the church after he was told that his daughter Olivia, who died at seven from measles, would not be joined in heaven by her beloved dog. And you know, I still picture my grandpa up in heaven with his arms full of animals, taking care of the pets my family and my cousins' family have lost, fat and laughing in joy with his dozens of pets.

(man, this got off-track)

I mean, some of the censorship made sense. A major thing that was edited out in a lot of shows was guns, and that was because guns are tightly controlled in Japan and there's little chance of Japanese children getting their hands on any. American children, however, most likely have guns in their houses or knew someone who did. There's little risk of a Japanese kid getting their hands on a gun and acting out something they saw on TV, but that isn't true in the US.

It can end up kind of funny though. Like when the edited the guns out of people's hands in Yugioh but just...left them holding invisible guns.

But yeah, the editing out of violence and blood, that was some real 'the sound of children screaming has been removed' bullshit. And I know at least for Yugioh, they edited out a lot of 'occult' stuff to appeal to American Christian sensibilities.

Trust me, we thought it was bullshit too. There would be tons of playground rumors about what happened in the original Japanese cut.

And we all realized that the rice ball wasn't actually a jelly donut.

[voidwerks]

2 4 8 19 20 59 aha

LETS GOOO 2: Is your room messy or clean? Deff more to the messy side rn

4. Do you like your name? Why? I'm ambivalent towards most of it honestly. My first name is shared by my dad, grandfather, and afaik great grandfather before him. My middle name (which I prefer using with closer friends) was my mother's father's nickname. My last name is Basque, so while people have immense difficulty pronouncing it (tho it's 100% phonetic) I do enjoy it. That said, I'm pretty sure my immediate family are the only ones in our name left.

8. What kind of car do you drive? Color? A grey/silver Nissan Juke! I've actually considered getting her repainted one of these days, tho I'd have to do my research first.

19. Shoe size? 13s

20. Sandals or Sneakers? Sneakers like 95% of the time. I like the airflow sandals provide, but I'm very very picky about how they sit on my feet so I rarely find ones I like wearing.

59. Do you smile for pictures? I try to, tho I've been told that sometimes it ends up looking forced

80. (From your second ask) What is your biggest pet peeve? Overall, probably people being inconsiderate of those around them. This can be not wearing headphones while listening to music, blocking an aisle to have a conversation with someone, merging across multiple lanes to make a last-second turn. Like, so much of it could be solved with a 'tiny' bit more thought and concern for others.

95. Summer or Winter? Winter. 150% winter hands down. Even if I didn't live in the south end of Texas where it's 80+ degrees and 50%+ humidity 3/4ths of the year with minimal rain, I still wouldn't take summer. When I was back home in NJ I'd still always wait for winter to come.

[elephant-in-the-pride-parade]

I assumed I would be that first queer person, because after the grandparents generation passed, my fathers side struggled to get everyone back together for years. So how was I supposed to know how many queer folks we had. And how was he supposed to know that this tiny family detail would be important to me. To him it had just been normal for decades, and I wasnt exactly strutting around in rainbows before I came out... but no the first thing he says when I come out, bracing for a bad reaction is "Of course I dont care. My cousins are gay".

(I thought Dad was supposed to be the one in shock during the coming out conversation). Like, Excuse me, Dad... Cousins. Plural?!

I finally met the older queer fam in college when that side finally coordinated a family reunion again... and heres this salt and pepper haired butch rolling up in her pick up, and her jean jacket covered in buttons, shes got her son with her. Everyone hugs her and she hugs everybody and nobody cares that shes gay... Knowing in that moment for sure that no ones going to care that I'm queer (because theres believing it and then theres seeing proof of it and god did I need proof as a baby gay. I really did).

Shawn came in touting around the family geneology book - theres a picture of my late grandfather at her wedding - the weight that comes off my heart in that moment to know without a doubt he'd have still loved me if he were alive when I came out.

And then my shock continues because Shawns not the only one, actually. Theres Patrick. There's Gretchen. There's Jess. Like holy shit theres so many of you. And they love all of you and they love me and they dont give a damn whom we love. And thats... there's really no words for that.

My almost-wife is to her fam what Shawn was to mine. And I have such a new appreciation thanks to her of how much work and how emotional it must have been for Shawn and then Patrick in the 70s and 80s to be those first out people.

Shoutout to the all queer family heroes

[reilivec]

Transformers Au Part 4

Juan is from my dad's side of the family. My mom's side of the family is really unknown the more I think on it, but she has always made it a point to keep some parts of her culture alive while also letting me live a more normal American life. We celebrate Christmas because it takes over the month of December and when I was seven I asked her if we could give each other gifts. It's weird. The culture my grandmother came from had never come in contact with any Christians. They were a thriving community that just never left there home until one day some of the left and came back with fantastical stories. My grandmother was only seventeen when she left to explore the world. She heard about the American dream and left. She traveled on foot for a long time and when she was walking through Ecuador she fell for my Grandfather. He also wanted to live the American dream and had actual money. So, he taught her Spanish and eventually they arrived in America five years after she had left her home. They only had my mother but from what I heard they loved her so much. They died five years before I was born.

I could still hear the siren running around the neighborhood. I tried to deflect, "Juan, do you mind if I take a look at the car?" He had been staring out the window and jumped a little, "Sure!" He sped towards the back door which croaked as he opened both the doors. He slid the small piece of metal on the screen door so that it would stay open. I followed behind him. My mom was closing the large wooden gate. Juan's fences were the tallest legally allowed and he had a few trees lining the fence making it pretty hard to see inside. There was definitely still some fear in her eyes as she glanced around before hiding her car from the street. The gravel crunched beneath our feet as we reached the sad looking detached garage. The paint was peeling and the roof was starting to sag a little from age. As I approached the door way I felt a small pull. It is almost like the energy that I have been passively making since my birthday was getting sucked up. He flicked on the lights while I stood in the door way. Four florescent lights hummed on to reveal an absolute mess. Juan stiffened and began awkwardly explaining, "Yeah, so, I got this car eight years ago from a guy I knew who was into cars. Even he complained about the car. He kept saying that working on this car was like trying to cure an actively dying person and honestly I kind of agree. Every repair reveals several new issues and even some of the things I have replaced have rusted out. Your gonna have your work cut out for you, Wenu." He patted me on the shoulder before heading towards the door, "I'll leave you two alone for a bit."

The car looked worst than the pictures. The paint was almost completely gone and rust covered more than 80% of the body. What pain that was left was a blueish silver. One of the headlights was busted. There shockingly wasn't a lot of dust on the car. Juan must have been working on it daily. The door was deafening as I opened it. The keys were sitting on the passenger seat. I grab the key off the pale blue seat and pop the trunk to get a closer look at the engine. I could definitely feel the car yanking the energy from me now, but something about how it made me think that this might help me and the car in the long run. As I walk to the back of the car I drag two of my fingers along the side of it. I released the lock and opened the trunk and found an absolute mess. There are wires strew about and some have been violently yanked but the more surprising thing is the fact that some of the more rusted parts look more like scars than rust. There are clear and straight paths through the rusted parts.

I stared at the engine with an urge to help but now knowing how. My hands were starting to get hot as the rested on the car. I took my hands off, a little confused before looking where my hands had been resting. There were noticeable spheres of what only could be described as healthy car. There was no rust at all where my hands had been resting. Out of curiosity I reach towards the rusted parts of the engine. It touch it with my pointer finder and watch as the slowly crumbled away revealing pristine metal beneath. I lowered the rest of my fingers onto the pipe and the rust began fading faster and my hand started getting hot again. I started to experiment removing a finger at a time and finding that three fingers was the most I could hold without my hands getting hot. I wasn't out there long before I started getting really hungry and a little tired.

By the time I left the garage my mom and cousin were inside eating. It is impossible to come in quietly with that back door. Juan laughed, "Are you sure you still want that car?" I nodded and before I could talk my stomach growled so loud that they both went wide eyes. Juan got up from the table, "I heard your appetite had gotten bigger," he laughed as he approached the fridge, opening the freezer, "I have combination and supreme pizza which would you like." I looked straight into his eyes and said with no hesitation, "Yes." He laughed before my mom slapped my arm. I looked at her and asked, "Does he know about what happened on my birthday?" She looked at me a little shocked before responding, "Yes, he does." I looked at both of them making sure they were looking at me, "I think I healed the car." Both of them were baffled at that statement. Before I open my mouth I see a flash of that metal face I saw and I looked down at Juan's phone. I grab it and he jumped starting to yell at me before my mom stops him. I take the battery out of his phone and wave my mom to follow as I stand closer to Juan. We all huddled next to the oven as it warmed up and I finally fessed up about the visions, the radio, the police car, and now the car.

After the pizzas were out of the oven. We grabbed several slices of pizza before we all went in to the garage. Juan was shock by the state of the engine. I scarfed down three sliced before I started to explain my theories. I leaned against one of the shelves while looking at my mom and Juan leaned on the Porsche. I began, "Something I have noticed is that some electronics suck my energy." Before I could continue a male voice chimed in, "Energon." I was staring at Juan, it wasn't him. Both of them started looking around. They stood up and looked around. Juan looked inside the car and saw that the radio was on. They both backed up and I stiffened. "I mean you know harm," the voice said.

I couldn't help myself, "What is energon?" My mom and cousin backed up next to me keeping there eyes on the car.

The radio responded, "It is the lifeforce of transformers, we use it to live and without it we die."

I turned my head to the side, "Transformers?"

The radio responded, "It is too tight in here to show you why that is a fitting name, could you open the door?"

I looked over a Juan, who's jaw was slack. I lightly slapped him saying, "can you open the door?" He nodded before heading to the garage door and lifting it open. He stepped out of the way as the car roared to life and the trunk closed. It slowly rolled into the center of the yard. We all were baffled at the car moving on its own. We all trailed behind the car 20ish feet behind. We all felt like we shouldn't get close. We all watched as the metal of the car began contorting and it turned into a humanoid figure standing tall and began stretching like it had been bedridden for a long time before turning back to us. His face was a lot softer than the face I saw in my vision. The silver face was illuminated by glowing blue eyes. He looked at me with a soft grin before kneeling in front of me, bowing his head. The same voice that had been coming from the radio began again, "Thank you, I have been dying for the last 30 years. I had some energon rations when I arrived but they did not last long. I would have lasted six months at best without you."

My jaw was slack and all I could respond, "I don't even know what I did?"

He looked up at me with a curious look, "Well, you are radiating energon now. So, what ever you are doing. I would appreciate it if you would continue."

My mom looked him and asked, "Is it possible that the police car from earlier is like you? A transformer?"

He looked at her a little puzzled before adjusting to sitting crisscross, "I don't know, I woke up an hour ago." Suddenly we all heard the a single wail of a cop car right out front. He looked in the general direction and sniffed the air before getting a disgusted look on his face. He stood up and took a more stealthy approach sneaking up to the fence and glancing over he whispered, "Is that him?" My mother went over to the fence and peeped through a hole in the fence.

I saw her nod and as I looked at her my vision began swirling and my ears began ringing. I lost the strength in my legs falling to my knees. I covered my ears curling in agony. The static was so loud I could barely here Juan. Then there was silence and the voice from earlier this week echoed in my head, "Withdraw for now, we have all the information we need. " I blinked away tears as I looked up to find my mom holding my shoulder, Juan was next to me with his hand on my back and the transformer had a worried look on his face. I sighed, "He is leaving." Shock spread all around and the transformer didn't believe me so he looked over the fence again and said, "He left." His eyes were wide. He cautiously approached me, "How did you know that?"

I looked around a little disoriented, "He was ordered to withdraw." The transformer looked at me closer, "Interesting." He looked at everyone and had a look like something had dawned on him. He sat back down and places his hand on his chest, "I am Jazz, the second-in-command of the Autobots, a group of transformers who have left there home world in order to find a source of energon. Our home had become a war zone as energon became more and more scarce. That transformer out there was one of the Decepticons, a group from my home who wanted to let those who they saw as useless, rot. I can guarantee that the Autobots will protect all of humanity, but currently we are sparce and starving. I would like to reconvene with our leader and possibly set up a system with the local governments."

[awakeningthevioletswithin]

It's not like I don't know that I'm annoying and it seems never to end. I get it. I know. My mom's health and financial issues became a crisis in May 2018. Our dog Sadie nearly died. And from tumblr I received such support. I found support I didn't receive from my physical community. I admit I was scared and ashamed so maybe I would have received more support than I ultimately did.

In March 2019 I became homeless. I left my childhood hom with some clothes and art supplies and that's it. I couldn't grab my birth certificate or social security card or passport or a picture of my grandfather, I had to give up our dogs, which kills me and makes me feel like I deserve nothing good ever again because I couldn't protect them and take care of them.

I slept in airbnbs mostly until I found someone who couldn't afford their rent in the neighborhood I knew. I honestly can't tell if it's an Aspergers thing or a trauma thing or a doesn't drive and so proximity to the art supply stores and access to groceries is important. I honestly haven't found a therapist able to help me untangle much. I only lived in that house from June until September. A lot of awful things happened to me in that house. I thought I could manage this dude but I didn't know about violent drunks. My mom sheltered me from that kind of thing. I knew they existed but I didn't understand. It's a different thing when intimidation lives in the house. He threatened my life for drinking money and one of his sorta drinking buddies said I could stay with her. That was unpleasant. Then I was able to rent a place. Downstairs was the owner's father but he was only there on weekends. I moved in October of 2019. I had nothing. I slept on the floor. A follower paid most of my 2nd and 3rd month's rent, she also bought me a bed, the place I spend almost all of my time (I paint in bed.) I moved in knowing the house was going to be torn down, it was only a 3 month lease. Ultimately I lived there for 11.5 months when I was 100% illegally evicted but having another place was worth everything to me.

During that 11 months the world changed. A pandemic occured. My mom made strides in rehab. I let myself have another dog. I tried and gave up therapy for a 3 time. I lived with constant uncertainty about being homeless again from March until September.

I actually had a two week gap in housing I had paid for so slept on a horrible couch in a windowless room in the landlord's adult son's house. I couldn't sleep there and my dog wouldn't eat.

This isn't to gain sympathy or engender outrage or blame, it's to explain why I'm no longer like a normal person (if I ever was) and why I haven't been able to just be okay now.

I've had so milestones that I'm so proud of and wouldn't have occurred without my tumblr community's support. I sold the largest piece I've ever sold, I sold to a public collection, The Free Library of Philadelphia, I passed 25,000 followers and not one of them is a bot (I check.) I also had an 80 day period without a single sale then a big one and then another 47 day dry spell.

Further, I haven't received a stimulus check, not one, I didn't have a permanent address. I don't have a credit history and I don't have certain types of ID. I applied for PUA and as of November 15th my claim is still pending. Also post move an isolated care facility had stopped being safer than home. People were getting vaccinated but outbreaks were becoming a feature rather than a bug.

Her social security being changed in payee back to her had been made impossible but identity verification stuff. So I'm wholly supporting my mom which means meds and copays and of course food and clothing and stuff she needs because she lost her home since 1981 too, heavily due to her inability to participate in a legal process.

I know it seems like I should have recovered by now. I feel like I should have but my financial situation is the worst it's ever been. I would never have been able to have basic necessities without support from my followers. We had literally exhausted the neighborhood food pantry and wouldn't have had anything to eat a couple of times.

I've tried to get pandemic housing assistance but it has been dead ended at my landlord's desk. I'm months behind in rent and the stress is literally making me sick. And I wish I were better too.

[ifihadtopickadad]

PERMANENT STIMMING WOOO!!!

Henry's Be Righteous Vengeance Commit Crimes agenda is the source of all life's happiness 😊.

Glad you agree. He experimented on his children. It also lines up pretty well with the fact most Serial Killers tend to their victims as surrogates. He only moved on to the children because Elizabeth and Benny died and he had to replace his Subjects.

Ya boy absolutely would fit in with the radiated video games squad. If it did bring him back the sheer willpower that comes from Micheal Afton probably wouldn't make much difference. I imagine sleeping would be more difficult.

IYFXIYFXIUFXOUFXOYFX

I love the little skit you did it's so.....itdxydixiydziydx!!! That is how they met actually. William gets into MIT and then experiences Remnant Lunchbox: Round 2 Electric Boogaloo With A Side Friendship (that makes less sense than the first-time bc his lunchbox in college is a Star Trek one)

YEESSS!!!! OHMYGOSH!!! I was having trouble putting the Radiation resistance into words (like I could picture it in my head but not get it down on paper). Henry had to drop off some Animatronc designs for Fredbear's there were the microwaves. He would have questioned it were it not for the time 8-year-old Mike tried to heat leftovers and forgot to take the fork off the plate. He was miraculously uninjured.

Anyone who asks gets a "Well actually, we get our intelligence from our father, not our grandfather" in the most obnoxious voice they can do. It's great. It's musty dusty purple Peepaw erasure at it's finest.

80s Hurricane, Utah is its own Gravity Falls, Oregon at this point. With the cover creating conspiracies and the Missing Children's family and friends being the only ones still aware of what was really going on. The Missing Children's Incident is what led to William's 'Perfect Family Man With A Perfect Family' reputation falling apart. It didn't take long for the parents of the missing children to look closer when "the trail went cold" and while it didn't confirm their suspicions it certainly led to them helping Micheal.

FazEnt grabbed them. And that poor security guy. The footage was released to the public too and while the footage was blurred for the sake of viewers it gave Michael a Reputation.

I mean- William had been feeding his wife that shit even before they had kids and nothing was stopping him from giving it to her while she was pregnant so. Make o' that what you will. The Mike + Remnant was a thing even in the womb. So, maybe he's born with it, or maybe its Maybelline.

The chemicals that the brain produces when scared are the same as when one is aroused, and we've seen the fanart. Combine that with Mike being 17... the horny teenage brain will not be stopped I can tell ya that.

Never apologize for long reblogs I love responding.

As for the samdlot:

It's this summertime coming-of-age movie from the 90s(early 90s). It's a staple of my childhood and is currently available on Disney+. There's a lot of pop culture references from this movie that are used consistently, in the US at least. It stands up pretty well to the test of time barring the secondhand embarrassment and impulsive decisions of middle schoolers.

I highly recommend watching it.

you've made a mistake by telling me to go read up on the au- (/j)

anyway. susan refers to nessa and gregory as her children, so i assume this means she adopted nessa?? either legally or just emotionally, and considering she was homeless before henry gave them the afton house i am going to assume the us legal system wouldnt give her custody of nessa at all so its the latter.

WILLIAM FINDING REMNANT AS A TEENAGER IS SUCH A COOL CONCEPT ?!?!? like. him finding it post cc (i love how you call him benny btw. really cool name) or charlie's death is interesting, but the idea that he experimented using animals (AND HIS OWN FAMILY DAMN) and then moved onto children/humans once he- presumeably- did everything he could with being that didnt have the same level of sentience?? amazing. very evil-scientist core. love it.

remnant working similar to radiation is also an interesting idea, having to be stored carefully or it will 'possess' the objects around it. (imagine william tried to store it in a bucket one time and the bucket just. got possessed. what do you even do in that situation-) are there some materials that remenant is physcially unable to uh. meld itself into i guess?? like some resources are just remnant resistant??

will susan tell the kids about remnant? about everything (or even just some things) the aftons had going on? or is she going to try protect them from the truth?? DOES SHE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO MIKE POST-SISTER LOCATION?? is the scoop canon to this au?? (if so my next question is how did faz ent get the sperm of a corpse but its faz ent. theyll find a way.)

the au seems great so far !! definately really interesting, will be Rotating It in my mind for the next several days and going mental any time you post something new for it lol

take care !! <3

It Twasn't a mistake. Twas a calculated risk.

I love people asking about the stuff I make. I'm out here stimming from excitement, you got me smiling so hard that my dimples are showing.

Emotionally and illegally. If there's one thing the lore has shown us about Henry beyond what we already know, it's that after William's bull-fuckery Henry had to be just as shady to bring the musty dusty purple Pringle down so paying someone to forge adoption papers was easy(I like to think he fnaf!Neil Caffrey to do it)

The concept of William discovering Remnant post-CC is nice but it never lined up quite right to me, I know way too much about how famous historical scientists studied the way stuff worked extensively to even begin experimenting with it to think that he discovered Remnant, and immediately started killing people to get results. William isn't on the Anti Social Personality Spectrum but he is an undiagnosed Narcissist with a God-Complex. So, William discovers Remnant as a teen and does smaller experiments to figure out how it works (this is one of my fnaf theories specifically around William's relationship to Remnant)

All the discourse about Remnant is actually what inspired the Radiation thing. Everyone, everywhere, was losing their minds over the insanity that is Remnant and I had a throwaway thought about how we've seen all this in fiction where Radiation is the given cause: the mutates in every Fallout game ever and the TV show, Spiderman, The Hulk, Corpse Mikey would fit right in in the Fallout-verse, etc. All fnaf does is take all of those concepts and shove them into one place and I love that. The only thing it doesn't do is bring you back to life and I think that's because you need internal organs for that. Mike lost his organs but not his brain so Remnant kept brain activity going.

The bucket thing did happen. It wasn't a bucket thought. It was one of those plain lunch boxes. He had one already but, he bought an extra to store the Remnant in. Long story short, it's early morning, and he's practically brain-dead as he gets ready for school so he grabs one of the lunch boxes without. Lunch in the cafeteria was legendary that day. The lunch box screeched, and he made up a half-lie about trying to invent a musical lunch box but grabbing the wrong one. He invented an actual musical lunch box that was fairly popular in UK for a while.

Yes! Funny enough Radiated materials are the only things Remnant can't meld itself to. He could never figure out why but, William's not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. He bought and repurposed multiple microwaves to act as radiated containers.

By the time they get to the house Gregory and Nessa are 10 and 14 respectively so she does tell them, they're also Geniuses ala Afton Genetics and they're also Peak Gremlins™️ so they'd find out anyway.

Everyone knows Michael Afton(legal name Mike Schmidt) as a Missing Person's case that's gone unsolved for decades by this point. The footage of him getting scooped was scrubbed as was his being worn like a meat suit. But there is footage of 'Mike' forcing himself up and to the Elevator. His organs were all gone by the time the Police got there but the blood muscle and other bodily fluids were still there. It's believed that Mike was lured to the scooping room through abuse and manipulation a fact further compounded by the bodies of the technicians being found hanging by police.

The general belief is that he died out in the wilderness but, his body was never found hence the Missing Presumed Dead thing. This all happened in 1986 when he was 17. Afton Robotics and Fazent shut down Circus Baby's officially and stopped renting out the Funtimes after this because they weren't fast enough to cover it up like with the Missing Children's Incident and the Bite of '83. And so began the downfall of Fazbear Entertainment and Afton Robotics.

So yeah, the scoop happened here, and since Remnant works with what's already there and Mike's practically made of the stuff because he grew up eating it, his sperm was kept intact ala Remnant(I mean he didn't lose his penis to the scoop.)

As for the name. I was watching the sandlot when I came up with it. (His middle name is Garret) I'm glad you like it.

[qqueenofhades]

Re: the post you reblogged about Bush. I'm 21 and tbh feel like I can only vote for Bernie, can you explain if/why I shouldn't? Thanks and sorry if this is dumb or anything.

Oh boy. Okay, I’ll do my best here. Note that a) this will get long, and b) I’m old, Tired, and I‘m pretty sure my brain tried to kill me last night. Since by nature I am sure I will say something Controversial ™, if anyone reads this and feels a deep urge to inform me that I am Wrong, just… mark it down as me being Wrong and move on with your life. But also, really, you should read this and hopefully think about it. Because while I’m glad you asked this question, it feels like there’s a lot in your cohort who won’t, and that worries me. A lot.

First, not to sound utterly old-woman-in-a-rocking-chair ancient, people who came of age/are only old enough to have Obama be the first president that they really remember have no idea how good they had it. The world was falling the fuck apart in 2008 (not coincidentally, after 8 years of Bush). We came within a flicker of the permanent collapse of the global economy. The War on Terror was in full roar, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were at their height, we had Dick Cheney as the cartoon supervillain before we had any of Trump’s cohort, and this was before Chelsea Manning or Edward Snowden had exposed the extent of NSA/CIA intelligence-gathering/American excesses or there was any kind of public debate around the fact that we were all surveilled all the time. And the fact that a brown guy named Barack Hussein Obama was elected in this climate seems, and still seems tbh, kind of amazing. And Obama was certainly not a Perfect President ™. He had to scale back a lot of planned initiatives, he is notorious for expanding the drone strike/extrajudicial assassination program, he still subscribed to the overall principles of neoliberalism and American exceptionalism, etc etc. There is valid criticism to be made as to how the hopey-changey optimistic rhetoric stacked up against the hard realities of political office. And yet…. at this point, given what we’re seeing from the White House on a daily basis, the depth of the parallel universe/double standards is absurd.

Because here’s the thing. Obama, his entire family, and his entire administration had to be personally/ethically flawless the whole time (and they managed that – not one scandal or arrest in eight years, against the legions of Trumpistas now being convicted) because of the absolute frothing depths of Republican hatred, racial conspiracy theories, and obstruction against him. (Remember Merrick Garland and how Mitch McConnell got away with that, and now we have Gorsuch and Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court? Because I remember that). If Obama had pulled one-tenth of the shit, one-twentieth of the shit that the Trump administration does every day, he would be gone. It also meant that people who only remember Obama think he was typical for an American president, and he wasn’t. Since about… Jimmy Carter, and definitely since Ronald Reagan, the American people have gone for the Trump model a lot more than the Obama model. Whatever your opinion on his politics or character, Obama was a constitutional law professor, a community activist, a neighborhood organizer and brilliant Ivy League intellectual who used to randomly lie awake at night thinking about income inequality. Americans don’t value intellectualism in their politicians; they just don’t. They don’t like thinking that “the elites” are smarter than them. They like the folksy populist who seems fun to have a beer with, and Reagan/Bush Senior/Clinton/Bush Junior sold this persona as hard as they possibly could. As noted in said post, Bush Junior (or Shrub as the late, great Molly Ivins memorably dubbed him) was Trump Lite but from a long-established political family who could operate like an outwardly civilized human.

The point is: when you think Obama was relatively normal (which, again, he wasn’t, for any number of reasons) and not the outlier in a much larger pattern of catastrophic damage that has been accelerated since, again, the 1980s (oh Ronnie Raygun, how you lastingly fucked us!), you miss the overall context in which this, and which Trump, happened. Like most left-wingers, I don’t agree with Obama’s recent and baffling decision to insert himself into the 2020 race and warn the Democratic candidates against being too progressive or whatever he was on about. I think he was giving into the same fear that appears to be motivating the remaining chunk of Joe Biden’s support: that middle/working-class white America won’t go for anything too wild or that might sniff of Socialism, and that Uncle Joe, recalled fondly as said folksy populist and the internet’s favorite meme grandfather from his time as VP, could pick up the votes that went to Trump last time. And that by nature, no one else can.

The underlying belief is that these white voters just can’t support anything too “un-American,” and that by pushing too hard left, Democratic candidates risk handing Trump a second term. Again: I don’t agree and I think he was mistaken in saying it. But I also can’t say that Obama of all people doesn’t know exactly the strength of the political machine operating against the Democratic Party and the progressive agenda as a whole, because he ran headfirst into it for eight years. The fact that he managed to pass any of his legislative agenda, usually before the Tea Party became a thing in 2010, is because Democrats controlled the House and Senate for the first two years of his first term. He was not perfect, but it was clear that he really did care (just look up the pictures of him with kids). He installed smart, efficient, and scandal-free people to do jobs they were qualified for. He gave us Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor to join RBG on the Supreme Court. All of this seems… like a dream.

That said: here we are in a place where Biden, Bernie Sanders, and Elizabeth Warren are the front-runners for the Democratic nomination (and apparently Pete Buttigieg is getting some airplay as a dark horse candidate, which… whatever). The appeal of Biden is discussed above, and he sure as hell is not my favored candidate (frankly, I wish he’d just quit). But Sanders and Warren are 85% - 95% similar in their policy platforms. The fact that Michael “50 Billion Dollar Fortune” Bloomberg started rattling his chains about running for president is because either a Sanders or Warren presidency terrifies the outrageously exploitative billionaire capitalist oligarchy that runs this country and has been allowed to proceed essentially however the fuck they like since… you guessed it, the 1980s, the era of voodoo economics, deregulation, and the free market above all. Warren just happens to be ten years younger than Sanders and female, and Sanders’ age is not insignificant. He’s 80 years old and just had a heart attack, and there’s still a year to go to the election. It’s also more than a little eye-rolling to describe him as the only progressive candidate in the race, when he’s an old white man (however much we like and approve of his policy positions). And here’s the thing, which I think is a big part of the reason why this polarized ideological purity internet leftist culture mistrusts Warren:

She may have changed her mind on things in the past.

Scary, right? I sound like I’m being facetious, but I’m not. An argument I had to read with my own two eyes on this godforsaken hellsite was that since Warren became a Democrat around the time Clinton signed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, she sekritly hated gay people and might still be a corporate sellout, so on and etcetera. (And don’t even get me STARTED on the fact that DADT, coming a few years after the height of the AIDS crisis which was considered God’s Judgment of the Icky Gays, was the best Clinton could realistically hope to achieve, but this smacks of White Gay Syndrome anyway and that is a whole other kettle of fish.) Bernie has always demonstrably been a democratic socialist, and: good for him. I’m serious. But because there’s the chance that Warren might not have thought exactly as she does now at any point in her life, the hysterical and paranoid left-wing elements don’t trust that she might not still secretly do so. (Zomgz!) It’s the same element that’s feeding cancel culture and “wokeness.” Nobody can be allowed to have shifted or grown in their opinions or, like a functional, thoughtful, non-insane adult, changed their beliefs when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. To the ideological hordes, any hint of uncertainty or past failure to completely toe the line is tantamount to heresy. Any evidence of any other belief except The Correct One means that this person is functionally as bad as Trump. And frankly, it’s only the Sanders supporters who, just as in 2016, are threatening to withhold their vote in the general election if their preferred candidate doesn’t win the primary, and indeed seem weirdly proud about it.

OK, boomer Bernie or Buster.

Here’s the thing, the thing, the thing: there is never going to be an American president free of the deeply toxic elements of American ideology. There just won’t be. This country has been built how it has for 250 years, and it’s not gonna change. You are never going to have, at least not in the current system, some dream candidate who gets up there and parrots the left-wing talking points and attacks American imperialism, exceptionalism, ravaging global capitalism, military and oil addiction, etc. They want to be elected as leader of a country that has deeply internalized and taken these things to heart for its entire existence, and most of them believe it to some degree themselves. So this groupthink white liberal mentality where the only acceptable candidate is this Perfect Non-Problematic robot who has only ever had one belief their entire lives and has never ever wavered in their devotion to doctrine has really gotten bad. The Democratic Party would be considered… maybe center/mild left in most other developed countries. It’s not even really left-wing by general standards, and Sanders and Warren are the only two candidates for the nomination who are even willing to go there and explicitly put out policy proposals that challenge the systematic structure of power, oppression, and exploitation of the late-stage capitalist 21st century. Warren has the billionaires fussed, and instead of backing down, she’s doubling down. That’s part of why they’re so scared of her. (And also misogyny, because the world is depressing like that.) She is going head-on after picking a fight with some of the worst people on the planet, who are actively killing the rest of us, and I don’t know about you, but I like that.

Of course: none of this will mean squat if she (or the eventual Democratic winner, who I will vote for regardless of who it is, but as you can probably tell, she’s my ride or die) don’t a) win the White House and then do as they promised on the campaign trail, and b) don’t have a Democratic House and Senate willing to have a backbone and pass the laws. Even Nancy Pelosi, much as she’s otherwise a badass, held off on opening a formal impeachment inquiry into Trump for months out of fear it would benefit him, until the Ukraine thing fell into everyone’s laps. The Democrats are really horrible at sticking together and voting the party line the way Republicans do consistently, because Democrats are big-tent people who like to think of themselves as accepting and tolerant of other views and unwilling to force their members’ hands. The Republicans have no such qualms (and indeed, judging by their enabling of Trump, have no qualms at all). 

The modern American Republican party has become a vehicle for no-holds-barred power for rich white men at the expense of absolutely everything and everyone else, and if your rationale is that you can’t vote for the person opposing Donald Goddamn Trump is that you’re just not vibing with them on the language of that one policy proposal… well, I’m glad that you, White Middle Class Liberal, feel relatively safe that the consequences of that decision won’t affect you personally. Even if we’re due to be out of the Paris Climate Accords one day after the 2020 election, and the issue of climate change now has the most visibility it’s ever had after years of big-business, Republican-led efforts to deny and discredit the science, hey, Secret Corporate Shill, am I right? Can’t trust ‘er. Let’s go have a craft beer.

As has been said before: vote as far left as you want in the primary. Vote your ideology, vote whatever candidate you want, because the only way to make actual, real-world change is to do that. The huge, embedded, all-consuming and horrible system in which we operate is not just going to suddenly be run by fairy dust and happy thoughts overnight. Select candidates that reflect your values exactly, be as picky and ideologically militant as you want. That’s the time to do that! Then when it comes to the general election:

America is a two-party system. It sucks, but that’s the case. Third-party votes, or refraining from voting because “it doesn’t matter” are functionally useless at best and actively harmful at worst.

Either the Democratic candidate or Donald Trump will win the 2020 election.

There is absolutely no length that the Republican/GOP machine, and its malevolent allies elsewhere, will not go to in order to secure a Trump victory. None.

Any talk whatsoever about “progressive values” or any kind of liberal activism, coupled with a course of action that increases the possibility of a Trump victory, is hypocritical at best and actively malicious at worst.

This is why I found the Democratic response to Obama’s “don’t go too wild” comments interesting. Bernie doubled down on the fact that his plans have widespread public support, and he’s right. (Frankly, the fact that Sanders and Warren are polling at the top, and the fact that they’re politicians and would not be crafting these campaign messages if they didn’t know that they were being positively received, says plenty on its own). Warren cleverly highlighted and praised Obama’s accomplishments in office (i.e. the Affordable Care Act) and didn’t say squat about whether she agreed or disagreed with him, then went right back to campaigning about why billionaires suck. And some guy named Julian Castro basically blew Obama off and claimed that “any Democrat” could beat Trump in 2020, just by nature of existing and being non-insane.

This is very dangerous! Do not be Julian Castro!

As I said in my tags on the Bush post: everyone assumed that sensible people would vote for Kerry in 2004. Guess what happened? Yeah, he got Swift Boated. The race between Obama and McCain in 2008, even after those said nightmare years of Bush, was very close until the global crash broke it open in Obama’s favor, and Sarah Palin was an actual disqualifier for a politician being brazenly incompetent and unprepared. (Then again, she was a woman from a remote backwater state, not a billionaire businessman.) In 2012, we thought Corporate MormonBot Mitt Fuggin’ Romney was somehow the worst and most dangerous candidate the Republicans could offer. In 2016, up until Election Day itself, everyone assumed that HRC was a badly flawed candidate but would win anyway. And… we saw how that worked out. Complacency is literally deadly.

I was born when Reagan was still president. I’m just old enough to remember the efforts to impeach Clinton over forcing an intern to give him a BJ in the Oval Office (This led by the same Republicans making Donald Trump into a darling of the evangelical Christian right wing.) I’m definitely old enough to remember 9/11 and how America lost its mind after that, and I remember the Bush years. And, obviously, the contrast with Obama, the swing back toward Trump, and everything that has happened since. We can’t afford to do this again. We’re hanging by a thread as it is, and not just America, but the entire planet.

So yes. By all means, vote for Sanders in the primary. Then when November 3, 2020 rolls around, if you care about literally any of this at all, hold your nose if necessary and vote straight-ticket Democrat, from the president, to the House and Senate, to the state and local offices. I cannot put it more strongly than that.

[peeterparkr]

perennial;tom holland|eleven.

chapter eleven: snapdragons & sunflowers (Vol. 1) 

↳ flower meaning: snapdragons: deception. sunflowers: unconditional love.

chapter summary: to ask for a kiss. 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings: fluff, angst, comedy, all in one, mentions or allusion to sex but not smut :), you’ll see, alcohol. 

You’ll hate me. 

word count: 11.2K

SOCIAL MEDIA BEFORE THE CHAPTER:

masterlist & profiles  

ten (Instagram): in which they share set pictures

ten (tweets & texts:in which the groupchats are…loud

previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.

perfidy  ( series masterlist)

wanna be tagged?

So, please help me out I think tags aren’t working. So yes, hope you enjoy this :)

Y/N was made of the people she loved or once loved. Everyone is, really, but y/n probably made sure it showed.

 Like her habit for photography had come from her very own best friend, of the way she started watching cooking videos because of her other best friend and always read the ingredients on any of the food she ate. Her clothing style had come from her very own first boyfriend who had introduced her to the magnificent world of the 80’s.

Her love for 80’s movies had come from Louis introducing her every night to a different one, a new story, a new song, and honestly it was good he showed her to it, y/n found her one true love. Louis, really, had shown y/n a lot of things, like how to lie to see him at indecent hours, and how  And how Louis taught her that love doesn’t have to last and that sometimes people aren’t what we expect.  

How she loved pancakes because that’s what her mother used to make them every Sunday, and how she’d learned from her father that sometimes sitting outside in the grass on a sunny day could bring back happiness to us. 

How her grandma had taught her how to have a perfect poker face, and how her grandfather had shown her how to peel an orange in a ‘correct way’. 

 How she had started to drink her tea with lemon and honey because James had once given her one like that and it brought nice memories. And how James had told her that it’s okay to love, even when people tell you not to, you have to fight for your love, you shall never be afraid of who you love. And James teaching her that she should love for herself, for her own, and not having to share her feelings if she didn’t want to. 

How y/n had started to watch subtitled films because Timmy had shown her some hidden gems. Or how she had learned from Tim to enjoy little moments, like the sunrise if she ever had to wake up early, or how she opened the windows to listen to the rain splattering. Tim had taught her too much about life, like enjoying wasting time. 

Y/N was made, the most, of the people she loved the most. Like how she made pasta the way James had taught her to once when their parents had gone out and James was left in charge. 

Or how when she was sad she’d watch that movie her childhood friend had introduced her to, and how they didn’t talk now. How y/n had learned that music was a way of healing because of that same friend. 

Or how to make a story sound great with Harry, and how Harry had shown her songs that probably were her favorite ones. How Harry and her knew that they didn’t like tequila because of that one time, and how they had learned that mixing cranberry, and grape juice and vodka tasted great thanks to Sam’s idea. 

The way that Emma had taught her to use certain hair products, and how Emma had taught her that sometimes we have to sing out our feelings, and scream and shout. How Emma had taught her the importance of a friendship and having someone’s shoulder to cry on. That she didn’t have to be lonely. 

How when she kissed she usually liked to place her hands behind their neck because she’d done that on her very first kiss with Tom, or how she usually ate some of the chocolate chips when she baked cookies because Tom and her used to do that. She had learned how to wrestle from a very young age and beat Tom, and she had learned how to play with his hair in a way to make him smile. She had learned the meaning of a rose, when all her life she had never understood about it, Tom had shown her how to approach a dog, and Tom had taught her how to cuff her jeans in a cool way. Or the habit she’d picked from him of undressing the beer bottle when they were talking or how he opened it with the table. How Tom had taught her how to kiss, from their very first one to the last one, different kisses each time, how he’d taught her each and every kiss is a journey, a mystery. How she’d learned how to deal with heartbreaks and to fall in love all over again. And how she had learned that he’d come back to her. But really, how a heartbreak feels when it’s real. 

That’s who y/n was. All the beautiful things of the people she loved. 

But she was also the bad ones, unfortunately, because people shape us. Y/N was also made of the ugly parts, very ugly parts. 

One that stood out the most, she’d learned from Tom, from James, from her family, was to avoid talking. 

Everybody wanted to talk, everybody except y/n. She knew she was being immature, but she’d learned that from everyone around her, not to care if you don’t have to. But she was too overwhelmed, everyone had something to say about, except her. How could she talk if she didn’t know what she wanted? 

Tom, Harry, Emma, Tim, James, Sam, Cherry, Aunt Eliza, even Josh and Clark.  

Everybody wanted to talk. She didn’t. 

She had caught on to what Tom was doing. She'd go along with it, he was the only one she wanted to talk to, honestly. 

And Emma, because she knew Emma didn’t judge her, Emma understood y/n, and Emma had been the only one who really didn’t tell her she was wrong. Even if Tim was her best friend, Ema understood that y/n’s heart belonged to Tom. 

“Clark is great, I may have fallen in love with him,” Emma had stated. 

Y/N nodded. “He’s great, I—“

“Why didn’t you know?” Emma asked. 

“I did know. But I didn’t—James was—you know how I’ve only dated three guys?” Y/n asked, she was putting on makeup, she had a date. 

“Yeah.” 

“James is exactly the opposite, he’s dated like half the gay population his age in London,” y/n scrunched her nose, as she was choosing between lipsticks.. “So I just—Never paid attention to any guy he dated because I never thought it was serious.” 

“Are you talking to him now?”

“I did today, only because of Clark,” y/n admitted, giving up on the lipsticks and instead choosing to work on her hair. “James is still angry I am in love.” 

“Not angry at that, you know that,” Emma pointed out. 

“Is it that wrong I am so in love with Tom?” Y/n left the brush on the table as she turned to look at Emma. 

“It’s completely bollocks y/n, but then again,” Emma sighed, “I wish I could be more like you and just love—I mean and I also wish Harry wasn’t so scared okay? He’s just so bloody scared, I wish he’d just say hey, Emma, d’ya fancy to go for a stroll? But no, we are both so… Gosh, I wish we were more like you and Tom, throwing everything down the drain.” 

“We are-” 

“You are, y/n,” Emma rolled her eyes. “He blows your mind and you basically want to yell it to the world, and he gets you all stupid, and you’re happy again, that’s alright, though-” 

Emma was laying down on y/n’s bed, her feet up against the wall, as she was nibbling on a popsicle. 

“Yes, I know, we have to talk,” she sighed. 

“Who says it has to be right now?” Emma had said. “Right now you barely have time to think, and I see you all happy and giggling, and besides, talking doesn’t have to be dramatic.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s just… I don’t get it why James wants it to be dramatic, it’s just hey, you guys love each other, what else is there to know?” 

Y/N nodded, turning back to the lipsticks. 

“You do have to tell him you know about Cherry, though, which-” 

“Yeah, n, no, but I get it,” y/n sighed.

“Which, I love you’re ignoring, just pretending like she doesn’t exist, ” Emma laughed. “She just arrived yesterday, didn’t she?” 

“She did,” Y/N sighed. “Ugh, I don’t want to see her and she wants to talk, what does she want to talk about? We’ve never cared about each other before, met her like three times growing up because my mum and hers didn’t get along, which by the way, I’m scared James and I are headed in that same direction.” 

“You won’t,” Emma said. “James loves you too much to ever leave you.” 

“You never know,” y/n said. “Besides that’s not my point, my point is why does she want to talk? We have nothing in common!” 

“Dunno, you’re blood related and you both rode the same dick, seems like you’ve got a lot in common.” 

Y/n closed her eyes as she forced a laugh, “Emma!” 

“I’m just saying, y/n, that’s why you and I became close, we’ve both kissed the same two guys.”

“It’s different,” Y/N scoffed. “I—just don’t want to see her okay? Because I know I’ll be reminded of every single insecurity I have,” she admitted. “Because I know that the moment I see her I’ll get just so anxious, you know? She’s so pretty, and she’s so perfect and from what-” 

“From what I’ve gathered from Eliza, she’s also a mess,” Emma added. 

“That’s an issue, that’s Tom’s type, just look at me,” y/n laughed as she stared at a bright red lipstick. 

Emma scoffed. “Oh, hadn’t thought about that, Tom’s into messy girls with your genes.” 

“It’s so fucked up, though,” y/n said, as she looked up at the wall, she needed to change the flowers, they were drying out. She hadn’t changed them in a while. 

Emma shrugged, “considering how small his brain is, he probably thought it would feel the same way if he closed his eyes.” 

“As if it would,” y/n replied cockily, finally choosing a light pink, changing it up a bit, she’d always used bright red lipsticks with Tom,  “I’ve known him his whole life, and now I’ve—“she cleared her throat. “ I know exactly how to work him up.” 

Emma let out a loud and long laugh. “I can tell, Jesus, what did you do to him to have him oh, so mesmerized? Are you a sex goddess or why are those two men so bloody entranced by you?”

Y/N blushed and shook her head laughing. “You’re an idiot.” 

“How do you really feel?” Emma wondered, getting the conversation back as serious as it was supposed to be. 

“I don’t know,” Y/N admitted, she was still on some pair of pjs. “I… I’ve been talking with Tom, or…” She rolled her eyes. “He’s found a way to talk, and I think it’s worked out for both of us.” 

“Oh, what is it?” Emma sighed. 

Y/n walked over to her closet, it felt so weird to choose something to wear, Tom had warned her to be casual, something her style, something very her. 

“We use the script so we can… I guess we’re projecting it all, and well, I think he’s been understanding about it, and I think I’m starting to understand his point of view, about Tim at least.” 

“Please, I don’t need to listen to him to know why he feels that way,” Emma pointed out. 

“Really?” Y/n turned back to Emma as she was choosing between them. 

“I like the red one,” Emma suggested. “But please, y/n,” Emma scoffed. “Timmy was the one who stole his chance, Timmy was the one who got the girl when he had fucked up and everyone around Tom said it, we’ve all said it at some point, Tim is perfect for you.” 

“But—“

“and besides, Timmy was the one-” 

“The one who opened the door when Tom came to apologize,” y/n finished Emma’s sentence as she sat down hugging the red dress Emma had suggested. 

Emma frowned. “What?” 

“Guess Timmy had secrets, too,” y/n said.

Emma seemed confused. 

“He never told me about it, how Tom had come a second time, and…” She sighed. “I mean I guess I’m thankful he didn’t but I’m… I’m only wondering—“

“Oh, back when you first started dating,” Emma recalled. “He did tell me about it, and I.. was the one to advise him not to  tell you.” 

Y/N gulped. 

“Would you have run back to Tom?” Emma wondered, embarrassed. “Honestly I told him not to because—Well, I had asked Harry about it, you know? Harry had said you hated each other and that you had been avoiding Tom for a while now. That you were enemies.” 

“We were.” 

“And I mean—Back then, you really hated him.”

Y/n nodded. “Yeah, I did.” 

“So I told Tim not to tell you about it, because I thought—I didn’t know the background but I thought Tom was going to—hurt you, you know? And I guess, we all did, and we all kept that mentality even when he wasn’t trying to.”

“Yeah.” 

“Wow, I’ve never thought about that,” Emma nodded. “Even when I knew you were dating back in New York, we were just waiting for it, for Tom to—“

“Yeah, for Tom to pull a Tom,” y/n ended the sentence. “And I mean—He kind of did, but it was my fault.” 

“Tom really sabotages himself, it seems.” 

Y/N reached out to hug her frog, she was thankful James had brought it, “he does, but because he’s expected to, you know? Maybe that’s why— I haven’t brought it up because I’m not—I’m not expecting the heartbreak this time, and I know bringing up the whole Cherry thing is looking for it,” y/n explained. “I trust him this time, and he really wants to make it work out.” 

“Would you have gone back to him? Had Tim told you he had showed up?” Emma questioned. 

Y/N breathed in heavily. “Dunno,” she said. “I was so heartbroken back then, I thought— and I had promised myself back then I would never fall back for him, and… I mean, I had even thought I would never love again because that’s how dramatic it was, I really didn’t want to see him, that heartbreak is what led to all this mess, you know?” She explained. “Now Tom knows that, I think he really understands it, and he feels guilty and I mean, I was angry when Tom told me about it, because… Tim, well he didn’t know back then, he just was too sure that Tom loved me but—After learning all of this? Tim should’ve told me, because just now, learning it, I guess it changed a lot of things, not that it erased anything, but I lived all this time thinking he hadn’t… He really hadn’t cared, and it took him a lot of time, still, but he had tried to apologize again, and Tim keeping it to himself knowing that what broke me the most was that Tom had never shown up? Tim keeping it to himself is just—so selfish.” 

Emma bit her lip. “He’s still in love with you.” 

Y/N remained quiet. 

“I mean, you can’t blame him,” Emma said. “You guys were… I mean before Tom, you really seemed to be hitting it off, I thought you’d end up dating again.” 

“I did, too, at some point,” y/n admitted. “But-” 

“But you love Tom, I know,” Emma shrugged. “No but… Y/N you also, have to acknowledge it, you can’t keep playing with Tim which-before you say anything, I mean it’s also on him, he knew it, but then again, I… I believed it at some point y/n, that you were going to get back together with him because… The way you looked at him just… and it was just—” 

“I know, I know and I thought… I don’t know, okay?” y/n admitted as she sat up. “I… It’s cause I never… I had closure with Tim, alright? I gave him the ring back because I thought, I know it, I want Tom, okay? It’s Tom, yes, it’s Tom.”

“But?” 

Y/n sighed, “Timmy—alright as I said before, I had said I would never love again after the whole Rome thing,” she cleared up. “And then Tim came along and just showed me this beautiful life and taught me how to love again, and I—He became a very special part of me.” 

“Yeah, and? That doesn’t explain your flirting.” 

“I didn’t—flirt.” 

“Well you answered to his flirting,” Emma pointed out. 

“We were—“

“You guys were flirting y/n!” Emma replied quickly, slightly stressed. “You guys don’t flirt like everyone else! Your flirting style with each other was by showing each other songs and him watering your plants, y/n! You were basically having sex with each other,” Emma rolled her eyes. 

Y/N stayed quiet. 

“But I know, Tom, Tom—“

Y/n gulped. “Yeah, Tom.” 

Emma watched y/n, confused. “Why are you acting like it’s the last time?” 

“What?” 

“Like it’s your last chance with Tom.” 

“I...don’t know, because what if it is, you know? It’s… stupid, we’ve had plenty of chances and… Last time, I just… Had I known it would lead to that. I know it’s my fault, and like we’ve both blown it up so it’s—“

“Neither one of you will fuck up.” 

“I know—But Tom… We are trying and I’m happy but I feel-” 

“Y/N you are pretending, I know, you won’t be happy until you talk about it with him.” 

She sighed. “I know, and we’ve been talking and I…” She coughed. “I really want to try it out.” 

“But…?”

“Am I allowed to forgive something like that? Am I even allowed to get angry about Cherry?”

Emma sat up as well. “Y/N, had he slept with anyone else I wouldn’t be so sure but that’s your cousin, that’s fucked up and-” 

“What if he finds out about Tim?” 

Y/N grabbed the pillow that had once been under her head and proceeded to get it in her face and scream into it. 

“Wait, I’m… I’m gonna try that,” Emma laughed, doing the same. 

Both of them were screaming into the pillows, pitying their sorrows and problems. 

Timmy had walked in. 

“What the hell?” He asked. 

Emma was the only one to peak her head out of it. “It’s therapeutic.” 

Timothee had only chuckled. “I bet.” 

Y/N had stopped screaming but kept the pillow over her face. She didn’t know how she felt about Tim, there was no point in being angry at something from the past, but it did change a lot of the way she saw him, maybe he had forgotten. But Tim was never one to forget, he was observant and he was quiet, and he was all about the stories. 

“Um, y/n?” Tim said. 

Emma watched Tim, and the small object he had in his hand. She shot him a warning glare, scared of the inside. 

“Yeah?” y/n answered from her pillow which now had a nice stain of makeup on it. 

“Can I talk to you?” He asked. 

Another person wanting to talk, what was it with everybody wanting to say words and listening and whatever? Y/N thought to herself. 

Though Timmy hadn’t asked for it yet, she knew it, but he hadn’t really said it, not the whole y/n we should talk. 

She wanted to say no, but she knew that she couldn’t keep doing that. Counting the days until it finally had to blow up, and then end up with bruises, no, she didn’t have to do that. 

She finally let the pillow down, “Yeah, sure,” she said before walking out of her room. 

“Sure, leave Emma behind,” Emma pointed out. 

“I… well,” Y/N looked at Tim. 

“It’ll be quick, darling, Emma dear,” Tim assured her. 

Emma rolled her eyes. “It never is with you both.” 

Tim rolled his eyes before leading the way outside of the apartment, y/n frowned, asking him to wait up so she could put on her sneakers, still wearing her pj’s. 

“So your birthday is tomorrow,” Tim had said as they had walked out, he had sat on the stairs. 

She chuckled as she sat beside him. “Yeah.” 

“You look really pretty,” Tim had said. 

“These pj’s really accentuate my features huh,” y/n joked. 

“Your makeup looks pretty and hair, idiot,” Tim chuckled. 

She only gave him a sad smile. 

“So, what are your plans?” He asked. 

“For… tonight? I’ve got a date,” she explained.

“No, tomorrow.” 

She shrugged. “Tom’s got some plans, apparently, he hasn’t told me anything about it, honestly I don’t… I don’t want to…” 

“What?” 

“Do anything you know? I will be too tired after filming, and I… I just feel like… Dunno, James and Clark will be there and I don’t want to talk to James still, and apparently Cherry invited herself, too so… And you’ll be there, and Harry and Emma… and Josh, and I just... ” She chuckled. “I’ve got a bad feeling.” 

“Why?” 

“Dunno, seems like a perfect combination for disaster.” 

“I met Cherry today,” he admitted. “Well, we’d met before but-Yeah, I thought you’d be at the flower shop. “And she was there, instead.” 

Y/N scrunched her nose. “Yeah I know she’s there, that’s why I haven’t gone there,” she explained chuckling shyly. 

“Why?” 

“Because then I’ll start feeling insignificant, because let’s face it and don’t you dare say no, but she’s really… Pretty, like she’s everything a girl would want to be and I’m jealous of her,” she admitted, truthfully. “I’ve never been the jealous kind but with her, I feel like—Of course anyone would choose her over me, and don’t—Say anything okay? I just feel that way. And if I see her I’ll be reminded of the elephant in the room waiting to be addressed, and I… If the conversation about you went wrong I don’t want to know how that-” 

“About me?” 

“Yeah,” she looked down. “Dunno.” 

Tim bit his lip. 

“How did he-?” 

“I don’t want to talk about that, Tim,” she quickly answered. “I can’t blame him for feeling the way he feels and that’s on me, too, I mean… I… really.” 

“What?” 

She looked down. “I— well, I don’t…know alright? If I feel anxious about Cherry I can only imagine how he feels about you, no, I can’t even imagine it, and look Tim, I—you know you’re very important to me but I’m… I’m dating… Or whatever is going on now, but It’s Tom right now, alright? And I know it’ll be for a long time.” 

“I know.” 

She looked at him, confused by his statement because it really didn’t feel like he knew it.. “And I don’t… want you to think there is an open door or-” 

“Y/N, I know,” he said. “Yeah, I know it’s Tom, now.” 

“But it’s not just—“

“I know,” Tim looked away. “I know.” 

She looked down. “I’m sorry.” 

“Just….” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s him, but that doesn’t… I mean, we’ve been friends, and I—I just ask you not to push me away, alright? I don’t know how I’d live without y/n in my world, and if having you around means having you with him, then I just have to deal with it, move on you know? And I know we are friends, so this is… This comes from your friend, Timmy.” 

She smiled, just slightly, very timidly. It hurt, hurting him but of course, keeping him around meant jeopardizing her relationship with Tom, and she really didn’t want to give it more excuses. 

“Timmy,” she sighed. 

He smiled. “I’m serious, it’s alright, no… no resentment, alright? We both know we… I don’t…you know it, I’ll always love you, but we—I mean you—you love someone else and it’s be stupid of me not letting you love him, that is just pathetically selfish. And don’t get me wrong, it hurts like a bitch…. Yeah, I know it, but… I don’t want to lose you, I am not stupid… but I also… I know that if I give this to you tomorrow, Tom will lose it and I… don’t want that, so I’m giving you this, today.” 

He pulled out a film canister. And it felt like one of those times when life likes to punch you with reality. She felt a fear deep inside her stomach. Last time he’d given her one of those an engagement ring was hidden in it. 

“It’s… It’s not what you think,” Tim rolled his eyes. “Oh, you really thought I’d propose again?” 

She let out a soft chuckle. “No--I… I mean,” I’m-I didn’t think you would-” 

“Your face,” He chuckled softly. “Yeah, no, I… I’m…” 

“Yeah, just last time you gave me one of those-” 

“Yeah, and look where it led us, I’m not… I wouldn’t… No,” Timmy laughed. “No, it’s not… and—do you really think I’m the type of guy to propose on a bad time—-Actually don’t answer that,” he chuckled. “Okay, open it.” 

She grinned, and took the film canister from him. “Man I hope it’s an iPad,” she joked, warning a laugh from Tim. “No, you—you shouldn’t have.” 

She shook it just slightly, listening to no sound coming out from it, before finally opening, carefully. “A…there’s nothing?” She asked. 

“Yeah,” Tim laughed. “I know.” 

She frowned, confused but then chuckled. “I love it… I hope I… can get to wear it soon,” she joked. 

“It couldn’t fit there, but I—Well, you know, we had that tradition, ,” he said before finally giving her the box that sat beside him. 

She took the box and smiled, opening it, an old vintage Polaroid camera stood there. 

“I know you’ve—I think it works, it’s—It’s an original, I've noticed you haven't really taken any Polaroids, and I know you love them,” he coughed. “So, yeah, happy birthday.” 

Y/N had only looked up, giving him a true smile. 

“Thank you, I love it!” 

But of course, the timing could not have gone any worse. Tom had arrived. Y/N had momentarily  forgotten she had agreed to spend the night with him, nothing too serious but Tom had insisted because he had a surprise for early in the morning and he’d come pick her up for dinner and then she’d stay with him. 

Maybe she should’ve seen the trouble coming. 

Tom cleared his throat loudly, “hello,” he said, standing with sunflowers. Yellow flowers with pretty meaning, y/n thought. 

Y/n looked up, calmly, knowing that if he saw any hint of her freaking out it would blow it up because his mind would go places.

“Oh hi!” She grinned. “sorry—I’m not—“

Tom clenched his jaw at Tim, but then turned to y/n and chuckled, “Darling,  when I said casual—I didn’t—“

She chuckled nervously standing up. “Sorry, I—“she squeezed her eyes shut. “I was discussing with Tim something about some pictures he’s planning on—yeah,” she lied, as she hid the film canister and box behind her back. 

“Yeah,” Tim said, clearing his throat, standing up as well. “Hello, Thomas.” 

“Tim.” Tom was nervous already, y/n could tell. 

“Are those for me?” Y/n questioned staring at the flowers  before they could say another word to each other. 

Tom chuckled between his teeth, “yeah, they’re most certainly not for Tim.” 

“Oh,” Tim said, “and here I was getting excited about them.” 

Tom faked a very quiet laugh and then turned to y/n. “So? Don’t get me wrong, you literally look so beautiful—but—“ He smiled looking down at her clothing. 

“Yeah—right!” She excused herself, not forgetting to kiss his cheek, before running back to her room, where Emma was waiting with the red dress and had pulled out some heels for her. 

Emma  walked out of the room, “hello, Tom, long time no see,” she said with sarcasm. 

“I know, these couple hours have been long,” Tom joked back, as he had walked in. 

Tim had followed after. It felt so tense, Emma could swear she could cut the tension with a knife. 

Emma hummed a fake laugh. “There are flower vases over there, you can guess which ones are y/n’s now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna steal Tim from you just a bit, I hope you don’t miss him as much.”

Emma had dragged Tim to her own room. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Emma snapped. 

“A lot of things,” Tim answered. “But let’s not go there, please.” 

“Oh don’t play that with me, I know exactly what you’re doing, and Tim—“

“I’m not—“

“Don’t fucking pull the whole I’m not doing anything bullshit with me,” she rolled her eyes. “I know exactly what you’re doing, and I’m sure you gave her the Polaroid today, really? Exactly when you know she’ll go on a date with Tom? And you take her to the stairs? So he can see it right?

Tim clenched his jaw. “I—Well.” 

“Sabotaging her relationship is not the way to go, Tim,” Emma warned him. “And I—I just told you—Best thing you could try is...move on, alright? I know you love her and that she was—She seemed perfect for you, and I still think you guys worked so well together but… She is so in love with him, and by doing this you’re only hurting her more—Besides, really Tim, you know her better than this,” she pushed. “I—“ Emma sighed. “I'm telling you this because I love you, I don’t want to sound harsh but—“She closed her eyes. “I know she is confused, and making her even more confused won’t help you, let her settle it, let her have it right now.” 

Tim didn’t say anything and just walked out of the room. He had gone to his room and unfortunately had left his door open to see y/n walking out on a red dress to run over excitedly to Tom, who had pulled her close to him to kiss her cheek and smell her perfume. 

Timmy knew Emma was right, y/n was in love with him. So, very deeply in love. And it hurt, seeing her. And Timmy asked for more patience, or for more time, or strength to move on. 

It felt weird, Tim felt lonely and broken hearted, and he just missed her, and it was stupidly incredible that she lived right there in the same apartment. He knew she loved Tom, that was it but it…. It still didn’t make any sense. Honestly, it felt like they were completely strangers. 

Especially y/n, she really felt like a stranger, even to Tom it seemed. She seemed too… distant to everyone.

Tom felt it, too. He felt that y/n was just off, even if she was happy or tried to be and even if she was kissing his cheek, she was being… different. And Tom only wanted to get over with it, the awkwardness. 

And he wondered if she wanted to get over with it, too. 

They went out for dinner, not in the place where she’d imagine Tom would take her, it was a nice dinner place with lightbulbs hanging around, a flower in a glass bottle, candles around, very… cozy, and romantic, and they were talking about barely anything, and maybe for a bit it felt like they were each other again. 

Y/N knew this, she felt weird with herself, as if even when she seemed to be saying what she wanted to say, she really wasn’t saying what her heart wanted, but as if her own heart was keeping secrets. It felt like Tom didn’t know her, though. And it had never felt that way before, but it felt like they were both trying to get to know each other again. Because neither of them were being themselves, not entirely. 

“So, you were clearly not talking about pictures with Tim,” Tom had mentioned. 

y/n looked at him and nodded. “Yeah, I wasn’t….”

“So?” Tom seemed anxious about it. 

“He gave me a birthday present, a…he gave me a polaroid,” she cleared up. “A vintage, original one.” 

“Oh, that’s cool,” Tom nodded, and gulped. “As long as he doesn’t give you a ring.” 

She rolled her eyes. “Tom.” 

Tom shrugged. 

“I… told him,” she cleared her throat. “That well… it’s you.” 

“It’s me?” Tom wondered, and a smile came to his face. “What am I?” 

She rolled her eyes, chuckling softly. “An idiot, that’s what you are.” 

Tom chuckled. “Uh-huh, I am, and what else?” 

She blushed. “Nothing.” 

Tom hadn’t pushed it any further. Their conversation kept flowing. Talking about them. What made them so… them. 

“I remember that everyone was in love with this one guy, ugh, what’s his name? The one that bullied you,” Y/N tried to recall. 

“Edward,” Tom remembered. “He was so big.” 

“Well, everyone had a crush except me, because well, I was the idiot, you know?” 

“You loved that scrawny guy who-” 

“Adorable guy,” she added. 

“Scrawny guy,” he continued. “Who did ballet and everyone crushed on Edward, who-” 

“I actually was… dating Louis back then,” she recalled. “But…” She chuckled. “But my point is… I was the one who… hid a rat in his car.” 

“No way!” Tom’s eyes popped as he leaned over. “You’re kidding.” 

“I… Look, nobody could be an asshole to you unless it was me, that was-” She was nervous. “I was so angry at everything he said at you, I…” She rolled her eyes. “And I… genuinely don’t know.” 

“Where in this bloody world did you get a rat from?” He wondered. “I mean thank you but I didn’t think you’d-” 

“Please I had experience from pranks for you so of course…” She gulped, hiding a laugh. “I...Well, there was a rat in Louis' house, and well they trapped it and instead of… you know killing it I… well told Louis to break into Ed’s car and I hid the rat there.” 

Tom was shocked. “And that was because of me?” 

“No, I hated Ed,” she looked away. “He was the biggest asshole.” 

Tom grinned. “Are you sure? Because I remember that rat incident being right after he had hit me in the hall.” 

“Really?” y/n coughed. “I wouldn’t remember,” she blushed looking away. 

“Which actually brought attention to me, they said it had been me!” He recalled. “I got into detention.”

Y/N grinned. “Yeah, killed two birds in one shot,” she smirked. 

“I’m serious did you-?” 

“Yeah, maybe I did it for you, okay? Whatever, yes, I had feelings for you and I was angry someone else was taking away my job, let’s remember we were enemies back then, alright?” She was nervous. 

Tom smirked. “You had a crush on me.” 

“Shut up,” she chuckled. “You had a crush on me, too.” 

Tom shrugged, smiling. “Yeah, I did. I’m not trying to hide it.

Y/N avoided his gaze, not believing he was actually making her feel butterflies, even after all this time, she was still nervous. In a good way. She wasn’t always nervous, most of the time, she didn’t, she felt so calm around him, but on the edge, as if she didn’t need to worry about being herself but expectant of each other’s attitude. 

Tom watched her, “Why do I always feel like there’s always something on your mind?” 

“Because there is,” she laughed. “Don’t you?” 

“No, I’m dumb, remember? I can actually blank up my mind,” he smirked. “Or well, not at all. There is a constant on my mind,” he had reached for her hand. 

“Oh?” her eyes had brightened up, a timid smile on her face. 

“Yeah, Spiderman,” he joked, earning a glare from y/n. 

It was so stupid. But they were… back being them. Probably because they were alone. As if someone was brushing y/n’s dream, and she couldn’t get enough of him, his laugh was her everything. She couldn’t help but sigh and run out of breath, and never stop blushing, there was no doubt about it. And she had once thought about it, ‘the day that Tom loves me, the world will party’. She had been wrong, the world wasn’t partying, and there were no flowers blooming and no fireworks. The world instead, stopped, as if it was them and only them. The stars were probably jealous of them seeing them shining even more brightly than them. 

“You know, from the moment we met,” he had said. 

“When we were kids, you mean?” She chuckled . 

“Truly met,” Tom gulped. “Rome, I mean.” 

She blinked. “Yeah.” 

“I… Why didn’t you kiss me?” He asked. 

“Hm? When?” 

“That one night, you know the one, lovely evening, I remember I asked for a kiss,” he recalled. “And… you said and I quote: ‘No, Thomas, don’t ask for a kiss’.” 

She looked away, remembering. “Because I didn’t want you to ask for it.” 

He frowned. 

“It’s silly but that’s the way I am, I didn’t want you to ask for it, I was clearly begging for one,” she explained. “I wanted you to… do it. One should never ask for a kiss, or not… verbally.” 

“How so?”

“I mean certain contexts,” y/n said. “But that night? I thought I had hinted it enough 

“So you did want me to kiss you,” He grinned. 

“Of course!” She beamed. “I—it’s not secret by now that I—“she cleared her throat. “Well, enjoy when our lips come together.” 

“Oh, so you enjoy that?” He mocked. 

“Very much so,” she answered shyly. “And—it had been the perfect evening! It would’ve cost you nothing,” she smiled. 

“Cost me nothing,” he laughed. 

“I think you’ll find that kissing me is quite cheap,” she pointed out.

He scrunched his nose. “That’s a lie.” 

“No, no, I was the one who could lose there,” she sighed.

 “No, y/n. Because kissing you costs a lifetime.” 

She scoffed. “How so?” 

“I kissed you once when I was 13 and never stopped thinking about it,” he said. “And after that evening.” 

“Would I have been so bad?” She questioned, “if we had realized it back then.”

“Think we did,” he said, “but you didn’t kiss me either.” 

“No, but—because you had asked for it.” 

“You’re right… I should’ve, but there’s a lot of things I should’ve done...still can’t believe it, how stupid I was,” he said. 

“It didn’t click you know,” she nodded. “When you broke my heart,” she continued. “I mean, the excuses you gave me… They didn’t make any sense.” 

Tom looked down. 

“And…” She sighed. 

“Would you’ve forgiven me? If I had come earlier?” He asked. 

She stared at him. “Maybe,” she admitted. “Probably, if I’m honest… I did wait for you to come again with yellow flowers, and I’d have my hand right in my heart, and I would wait for you to come and apologize and I would see it, you know, wait for you to stand up in the rain and said you didn’t mean it, and I… I was angry, alright? It was stupid letting my life pass by waiting for it besides the whole scenario...but then again, it wa shot and it’s still you and I’m—it’s silly.” 

“It’s not silly,” Tom said. “It’s you,” he took a deep breath, “and I knew you’d like that… kind of stuff, but when I finally realized it, it was too late.” 

“But it’s not late now,” she admitted. “We’re finally on time. And I’m glad I’ve always been so stubborn when it comes to you because otherwise we wouldn’t be here.” 

The evening had continued to flow, as both of them had become quieter, in a way that they didn’t need to talk to communicate, between whispers and giggles and hand brushing, it was all they needed. 

The ticking had stopped, y/n had noticed. It’d come, she knew but… God, when she was with him, she didn’t have to worry about anything. Because it seemed that it was made for them, all her doubts disappeared because he was the answer she needed. It was them against the world. 

They hadn’t talked about Valerie and William, not that night. It was Tom and y/n,.

They hadn’t kissed. Tom had ceased the kissing when James had arrived, which y/n hated, she missed his lips so much her own were begging for them. She wouldn’t ask for it. Never ask for a kiss, not out loud. 

She was wearing his jacket back on their way, he had said: ‘I wasn’t cold but I knew you’d be so that’s why I brought it’. Her hand was on his hair as he drove, listening to music, windows down as they hummed the lyrics, and as y/n stared down at the lights the city was giving her, her hair flying. 

She was sad, though, Tom hadn’t even tried to lean over and kiss her, not even seeing a hint of him trying to do so. 

They had walked in, the guys seemed to be all too invested in a video game, all except for Clark who was rather interested in playing with James’ hair as y/n’s brother yelled at the screen. He looked up when seeing them walk in, he smiled at the sight of y/n’s shoulders being covered by Tom’s jacket. 

“Hello, you two,” Clark had greeted them. 

Tom peeked to see the screen, not letting go of y/n’s hand. 

“Hi,” y/n said, knowing she’d most likely lose Tom’s attention to the screen. 

“How did it go?” Clark asked.

“Bloody hell, Samuel!” James yelled. 

“Piss off,” Harry yelled, too. 

y/n chuckled. “It went well,” she said. 

“Well?” Tom lost focus of the screen, as he turned to her. “Well?” 

She ignored him and kept staring at Clark. “Can you believe the evening has gone by so splendidly but he still hasn’t kissed me?” 

Tom immediately blushed. 

“Good,” said James. “Kissing is gross.” 

“Is it?” Clark asked before kissing his cheek. 

James coughed. “Straight kissing is gross,” he corrected himself. 

Harry laughed. 

Sam scrunched his nose. “Why haven’t you kissed her? you usually bloody eat each other’s faces.” 

Harry scoffed. 

“Don’t you dare eat my sister’s face,” James warned. “Or anything for that matter.” 

“James,” y/n closed her eyes. 

Tom laughed. “We’re gonna…” 

“No, why don’t you guys stay? We were about to play Mario Kart” Offered James. “So why don’t you both play with all of us, you know you can sit over there with your brother and y/n can sit over here, everyone’s happy.” 

“Jamey, love, don’t be a dick,” warned Clark. 

Y/N chuckled. “Fine, I want to play,” she admitted. 

“Great, mario kart is the real deal breaker between couples.” 

Of course, they hadn’t followed James’ instruction for their sitting arrangement, y/n had sat on the couch, and Tom had sat on the floor, resting his back against her. Y/N was still bothered by the fact she hadn’t yet been kissed that night, but she soon forgot it as it felt like one of those nights when they were younger, all of them playing and yelling at each other. 

Tom had left the room without any explanation at some point, but she was too busy trying to beat her brother at rainbow road to even notice. 

Time went by, and before she knew it, the lights had gone off, and they all had turned with a smirk as Tom had walked in with a cake with candles. 

‘Happy Birthday’ they all sang as she stared at the cake, pretty cake, sunflowers again. Tom kissing her cheek. 

It felt… like years ago, the Holland’s, James, and now Clark, too, of course it was Tom holding the cake now, not Harry, and now she didn’t have a wish, usually she’d plan ahead her birthday wishes, because that’s something James had taught her to. Instead, she wished for everything to keep flowing as easy as it could with Tom. Funny, how many birthday wishes had not involved him already. 

They had sat and ate cake like old times, y/n smearing some frosting to Tom’s cheek and then kissing it off, making the boy blush and getting James to glare at her. Laughing at each other, telling old jokes as y/n was laying against Tom, his arms around her and his lips brushing against her head. 

How many years had they not wasted by being enemies. 

Eventually, they had all gone to bed knowing the next day would expect them, except for Clark and James who had stayed in the kitchen. 

Tom and y/n had stayed on the couch. 

“So, I’m gonna be honest,” Tom had said as he had sat with her, he had left yet again to get something 

She only stared into his eyes, begging her with her sight to kiss her already. She should’ve probably wished for that, instead. 

“I—this wasn’t going to be your birthday present.” 

“You didn’t need to get me anything,” she said. 

He had sat up and pulled out a small box, he seemed nervous, but excited. The box… gave her shivers. But it couldn’t be. 

Y/n only smiled watching him, resenting her head against her palm. 

“I—back when,” he gulped, “back when I was still in London debating whether or not to direct dos-a-dos,” he continued. “I—well.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you because—Well,” he grinned. “I am so stupidly in love with you.” 

She only blushed. 

“So—one day,” he gulped. “I went—Well, you know, to the mall and whatsoever, and—I saw this shop.” 

“Right.” 

“And so I bought a pair of boots for me,” he said, leaning against the couch, trying to recall. “They were very—nice, you know?” 

“Uh—huh,” she rolled her eyes. “And did you bring those boots to LA?”

“No, I didn’t,” he side eyed her, “should’ve, you would have loved them.” 

Y/n rolled her eyes giggling. “I bet.” 

“But anyway, after I bought the boots—I passed by that shop you like.” 

Y/n blinked. “Care to be more specific?” 

“The one with the vinyls, and vintage stuff,” he reminded her, but she looked down at the tiny box he was holding, it definitely wasn’t anything from that shop. 

“Oh, yeah, love that place,” she smiled. 

“Yeah, and I—went in,” he admitted. “And I couldn’t stop thinking about you, everything they had… so I—“

She just waited for him to continue. 

“I bought a fee vinyls for me, too,” he nodded seriously.

 Y/n bit her lip, holding back a laugh, “amazing, which ones did you buy?” 

“I bought a Beatles one… uh, Queen.” 

“Great choices,” she grinned. “I’m proud.” 

“And of course Rolling Stones, because I thought of you,” he said. 

Y/n scooted closer to him to gently run her hands through his hair, he couldn’t hide his smile. 

“And then—One day, I went out again,” he grinned. 

“Hm-hm?” 

He coughed, “yeah, and I walked again to that one other shop you like, the one with the clothes.” 

“With the clothes,” she laughed. 

“Yeah, you know the one,” he chuckled, avoiding her gaze. 

“And did you get in?” She asked. 

“No,” he grinned. “I went for an ice cream, you know, I was really craving one.” 

She stared at him, so mesmerized by him, even when he was being the silliest. “God, I love you,” she blurted out, without really thinking of it. That’s how it should be, realy. Nothing wrong with that. 

He finally locked his eyes with her and smiled, he took her hand in his and kissed it. “Yeah, so—“he grinned, “none of that has to do with your birthday present.” 

Y/n chuckled. “Really? I thought the birthday present would be seeing you with those boots and dancing with you to the music on those vinyls and eating ice cream.” 

“Ah, that would’ve been great huh,” he grinned staring into her eyes. 

“Would’ve loved that.”

“I actually did bring the vinyls,” he admitted. 

She kissed his temple. “Great, let’s play them—“

“Yeah, but—I haven’t finished,” he admitted. “I… Well, I've had a lot of time, you know? To reflect on—on the script, on us. But especially the script.” 

Y/n stared at the features on his face, fixating on the freckles on his nose as he kept talking. 

“So, I kept avoiding the script, even if I wanted to direct it because—Well, it was your dream, I remember and I think I’ll never forget how in Rome you told me your biggest dream was making a film of a ballerina,” he said. “I—well, and I wanted to read it, but I couldn’t because I thought—well, dunno, having something yet to read was something I still had to look forward to, you know? And so I kept listening to the vinyls because they reminded me of you, and I kept—trying to find you everywhere, alright?” He confessed. “On every single face and—The days just went by and I—eventually read it.” 

Y/n silently watched him. 

“And I fell in love with it, because—it’s you. The script is so—you, it was like reading an open book about you, and I don’t mean it in the way that it’s our story, like I genuinely—you really poured heart and soul in it, the songs you put in, the setting—and, well, it was really you, you know? I know you’ve always loved 80’s movies because they seem so ridiculous but so magical.“

Y/n chuckled nervously. “Where are you going with this?”

“I know it’s your biggest dream,” he sentenced. “And well—I’m sorry I didn’t get you a pair of boots like mine.” 

She laughed rolling her eyes. 

“And I didn’t get a vinyl.” 

“Tommy,” she nudged him. 

He only handed it to her, the small box. A very stupid and scary suspicion in her head had completely been erased as she picked the small box.

As she opened it, it revealed a necklace with a small pendant of a ballerina hanging from it. The brightest beam had appeared on y/n’s face. 

“I know you’ve—never liked the idea of someone giving you jewelry, especially bracelets or necklace because they don’t hold any meaning, but—I think—I know you’re not a dancer but, I think Valerie is your own special project, and—“Tom grinned. “I was saving it to give it to you on the premier but—“

“I love it, I...No, really this… This is perfect,” she whispered looking at it. Tom had once taught her that roses weren’t always basic. And Tom had now proven to her that this didn’t have to be either, because it was them, and it held such a special meaning to her. 

She leaned over to kiss his cheek, and he only smiled. 

“I was gonna give you a T—“

“As in Troy?” She mocked. 

“That’s exactly why I didn’t.”

She laughed. “I love it.” 

He looked deep into her eyes and she just waited for it… But he didn’t kiss her. 

“Yeah, so, let’s go to sleep,” he quickly stood up, letting her fall flat on the couch. 

“Thomas,” she hissed playfully. He had already left, and she could feel his smirk from afar, so she followed after him. 

“So, you can have my bed, I’m gonna leave to sleep on the couch because that was my agreement with James,” he explained, picking up his stuff as soon as she got to the room. 

She frowned. “No?” 

“Yes,” he replied cockily. 

“I’m not letting you leave until you bloody kiss me,” she replied. 

He paused and then turned with a proud smug smirk, “Then that gives me even more reasons not to kiss you.” 

She opened her mouth to complain, but really she was in such a state of shock that not a single word came out. 

“Goodnight love,” he grinned as he headed to the door. 

“Why are you like this?” She rolled her eyes, giggling. 

Tom took a deep breath before staring her down. 

“For the love of god, kiss me.” 

“No.” 

“Why not?” 

“One shall never ask for a kiss,” he replied smugly. 

“Are you kidding me?” She closed her eyes, not believing it. 

“No, you said it yourself,” he grinned. “Not verbally.” 

“Just shut up and come here, idiot,” she laughed before pulling him close to her, finally placing her lips on him. It felt like just the very first time, Tom and her had that magic, of making each and every kiss feel like they’ve never kissed before, so unique and so perfectly synchronized with each other. 

“Don’t you guys fucking dare to do anything,” James was just walking by with a glass of water. “People need to sleep.” 

Clark had mouthed an apology before following after. 

Y/n had pulled away and then smirked. “Want to prank him?” 

Tom had only given her a weird face. 

Y/N knew James was staying right on the next room, and that she definitely was not going to be able to do anything without him hearing, that of course, meant she could piss him off, to get back at him for being a dick. 

Y/N explained her idea to Tom, and he immediately accepted, with the sole condition to leave the door open so his life could actually be spared. 

Both Tom and y/n had settled in their places, sitting right on top of the bed, right against the headboard which was conveniently against James’ wall. 

And so they started.

Both of them repeatedly, and in perfect sync started, Tom hitting his elbows against the headboard, making sure the noise it made was perfectly identifiable as something else as y/n was jumping on the bed. 

A faint “no, no, no, no, fucking hell, no,”  had been yelled from the other room. 

Tom and y/n tried to hide in their laughter, but proceeded to make it even worse, adding dramatic moans and “oh yes!” “Y/n!” “Right there!” “Tommy!” In between. 

“NO FUCKING WAY!” Now it had been louder. 

“Jamey, love—“ 

Tom and y/n smirked and went in even louder, “yes!” “So tight!” “Harder!” “Yes, yes, yes, yes!” 

“No! No! No! No! Bloody hell y/n I’m in the bloody next room!” James yelled. “I’m gonna kill you, Thomas!” 

And then they heard the loud and quick stumping as James’ door was open as he ran to knock on y/n’s and Tom’s door, but instead, the door was wide open and he could see what actually was happening, Tom and y/n, fully clothed and not even an inch close. 

That’s when both y/n and Tom lost it, bursting into laughter. 

“YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK!” James yelled at them before joining in their laughter, red from embarrassment. 

Clark had followed right after, laughing with them. “So that—“

Y/n couldn’t stop her laughter, even tears had come down her cheek as she stared at her brother so embarrassed, watching them. 

“I can’t believe you fell for that!” Y/N had laughed. 

Clark couldn’t stop giggling either. 

“And by the way, thanks Clark,” Tom laughed, “you’re a real one.” 

“I fucking hate you all,” James rolled his eyes. 

“Now let’s go for the real one,” Tom had joked, probably with a death wish, but he quickly regretted it, “no, no, no, I’m joking! I’m joking!” 

“You bet your ass you’re joking,” James warned before laughing again, defeated, “I hate you both.” 

He had left with Clark laughing behind him, leaving y/n and Tom still laughing at their prank. 

Laughing and laughing until they ran out of breath and laughed again. 

“Shit, I love you so much,” Tom had said with one last breath after laughing. 

“I love you, too,” she had said, “that was the best fake sex I’ve had in my life.” 

“Hm, I’m pretty sure I’ve given you the best non fake one, too,” he had said cockily. 

“Non fake,” she scoffed. 

But then they’ve gone back to laughing, eventually somehow it transformed into kissing, and they had spent the night kissing, and giggling and nothing more, probably because they were aware that it was a very risky situation having James right beside and honestly, they were decent but mostly because they didn’t need more. Just the two of them laying down, and merging their lips together, becoming one with the other, was all they needed. 

The next day was rather perfect, filming had gone as smoothly as it could go, and though they kept their distance because they were professionals, y/n could tell there was something different about her and Tom. Not sure what but it felt like things could work out. A ray of hope, if one must say. 

There had been more cake, more people congratulating her for her birthday and just—Flowers. Sunflowers here and there, Along with blue hydrangeas. Pretty combination. Tom had made sure to fill up the place. She did love the sunflowers. Her mother calling her, auntie Eliza sending her pink carnations, it was—good. Especially after they told everyone about their prank, that made it even better. 

“You do have that fake sex aftermath glow,” Emma had joked. 

Perfect day, a perfect day until the sun was yawning down, she had put on her best clothes, and she was nervous. Not sure why though.

Tom had invited the cast as well. Nothing could go wrong, and it definitely wasn’t going to, right? Y/N had thought maybe it was a good day after all. 

The place had been packed and the first song playing had been Ironic by Alanis Morissette, James had been the first one to point it out, he really liked that song. And though the combination of friends seemed like the perfect recipe for disaster, y/n thought it had gone calmly. At least at the beginning. 

The club seemed to be picked out of y/n’s dreams, an 80’s and 70’s paradise playing the songs she loved to sing along to. There was a karaoke, too, in the background, separate from the dance floor. Honestly, the place was perfect. Fun. 

And y/n had ignored Cherry’s presence as long as she could, she hadn’t been rude, but of course she’d been avoiding her, because the moment she saw her, y/n did feel insecure. She had shown up with a tight dress that gave nothing to the imagination, and her hair perfectly falling down her shoulders, her whole body shimmered. She was beautiful, beyond compare, perfect. 

“Y/N!” She had greeted her. “I’m so glad I see you, I love your dress, hun, happy birthday!” 

Her high pitched tone had only made y/n even more insecure. And y/n had seen her dancing, she’d caught Josh’s attention, it had seemed. Even Asa’s and Gregg’s attention. Because of course she would, the girl was perfect. 

“Is Tim your boyfriend?” Cherry had asked y/n. 

“What?” Y/N didn’t know if she’d heard right. “No… No, he’s not.” 

“Oh, I thought he was!” 

“Happy birthday!” Someone had yelled as they popped off a bottle. 

Y/N could take care of Cherry later, who was actually picking out mostly everyone’s attention. 

“Who is she?” Josh had asked her. “If it weren’t for Emma, I’d say she’s the prettiest girl in the world.” 

There was a lot to unpack from Josh’ statement. 

“That’s my cousin,” she explained. “She’s single, so why don’t you give it a go?” Y/N had suggested, knowing perfectly that if he did, she’d take away another problem. Because she’d seen Harry anxious the moment Josh had showed up.  

Y/N didn’t know why she felt like Harry did know about Josh, she wasn’t sure but the same face Harry was giving Josh was the face Y/N gave to Cherry. 

Initially, she had seen Cherry approach Tom, she had whispered  something in his ear, and he had only gulped before walking off to one of his brothers. It made y/n anxious. 

“You know what? You should go and sing Jolene,” Emma suggested, y/n could tell that Emma probably was slightly dizzy, as she had dragged her, Clark and Auli’i to the dance floor, a...very strange combination. Y/N was just a bit bothered by this, since she wanted to be with Tom, or rather, she wanted to pull him away from where Cherry was. 

“Jolene?” Auli’i laughed. Felt rather weird for y/n hanging out with celebrities. Tom didn’t count… Not in that way, at least. 

“Yes, Jolene,” Emma said. “I’m begging you please don’t take my man!” 

“Your man?” Auli’i had asked. “As in Tom?” 

Y/N chuckled. “Uh...Well….er.” 

“Please, you’re dating, right?” She laughed. 

Y/N didn’t answer. 

“Please, it’s kind of obvious,” Auli’i explained. “You guys have tried to be subtle but we all know it.” 

Well, there goes their attempt at trying to be professional. It didn’t matter, honestly. But it did bother her knowing that Cherry was the only girl in there, but thankfully, her own brother had kept Cherry occupied, thank god.  

Y/N was also bothered by the fact Tom wasn’t by her side,  just slightly bothered. She guessed, however, that he was having fun with his brothers. She wondered where Timmy was, because all she could see was the guys, and Cherry, at the table getting their asses drunk. 

Especially Timmy. 

Emma had dragged them back to the place, y/n had  tried to get close to Tom, who had also tried to pull her close to him, but somehow she had been dragged away again. It was annoying, and the night kept going like that. She hadn’t had one single minute with Tom, and it was bothering her. Tom, too, it seemed. 

Tom was very bothered by the fact that y/n kept being pulled by her friends, not that they were doing it to specifically bother him, but it was… annoying. Also, having Cherry around, was not a perfect situation, especially because she was insisting on talking to him. What in this world was she trying to do? 

He didn’t want to deal with that, he only wanted to have fun. Besides, a club with loud music was definitely not the place to talk. Not on his… girlfriend’s? Birthday celebration. 

The night was getting blurry, to him, to everyone. Half past twelve, it was getting darker, and the drinks had come and gone, drink after drink.  Everyone seemed to be having a very good time, and he wasn’t sure but the lights on the club had probably lowered, flashes green and yellow were blinding him. The group was constantly divided, and he had had only a small chance to dance with y/n. The music was buzzing too loud, as he escaped through the crowds, trying to find y/n, and he saw her, dancing with everyone and then, Timmy had dragged her close to him, she didn’t even notice as she danced and sang along to the… 70’s, yeah 70’s song playing. Tom feared it, because it’s not difficult to know when someone wants to kiss the person you’re in love with. Tim was drunk, Tom knew this, and the look in his eyes was saying everything. And though he didn’t see that look on y/n, he feared it. 

Tom quickly had pulled her by the hand and finally wrapped his arms around her so they could dance. 

Tim had only rolled his eyes but kept dancing with Emma. 

“Hi!” y/n had cheered as soon as she saw Tom. 

“Hey!” 

“Where have you been?” She asked, leaning to his ear.  

“Here and there,” he admitted, she only giggled to lean over to kiss him. 

Everything was going too quickly, the lights and music were not helping. They had barely danced before Emma had dragged y/n. 

“I’m sorry, Tom, but it’s y/n’s and I turn to go to the karaoke!” Emma had said before getting her away. 

“You were getting too comfortable,” Tom had barked at Tim. 

“Pff,” Tim had scoffed. “You’re scared it’ll happen again?” 

“What?” Tom frowned. “I’m-- she’s with me.” 

“Yet she slept with me just before you arrived,” Tim had blurted. 

Tom had felt the music getting louder, and louder, just as Tim had left and Tom was sunk into the dancing crowd. 

He didn’t have to believe him… right? 

In the state of shock, he only tried to follow after where Emma and y/n were heading.The karaoke music was playing, Emma had chosen ‘Gimme, Gimme, Gimme (A Man after midnight!)’ for her and y/n to sing, and they had started, happily singing as she was so unaware of what Tom was feeling right now. Not sure if it was anger, disappointment, jealousy, or all at once. 

The group had followed after them, too, as they were expectant to see the birthday girl, first receiving a very flattering shot of… Tom thought it was probably vodka as soon as she got to the stage. Emma and her sang and yelled, and the group danced and danced. Emma being such a crowd pleaser, yelling and making them cheer. 

Tom couldn't. 

Is there a man out there? Someone to hear my prayers…

There was no sight of Tim, that was alright, he guessed. But then it… Tom’s mind went to every single time he’d seen her around Tim. It was so fucking obvious, of course they had slept together, and y/n probably still had feelings for him. 

Tom was the only one who wasn’t dancing. 

Emma had jumped off the stage to land on Josh, and then without even thinking about it, she had kissed him, right in front of Harry. 

Sam and Clark had joined y/n on the stage, everyone was just too bloody drunk, and the song seemed to be never ending. Or maybe Tom hadn’t noticed when it had changed, it sounded like another ABBA song. And it was… ‘Voulez-Vous’. Now it was Y/N, Sam and Clark. 

Tom didn’t even realize when Cherry was around him, and it probably was the alcohol working out but he danced with her. Not sure why. 

Y/N saw it, right from the stage, but luckily Clark had been kind enough to dance with her as someone else had hopped to the stage to sing with them, now that y/n was definitely not able to sing. 

And just as the song was ending, and as the next group of girls had popped on the stage,  she saw it, perfectly happening, Cherry’s lips were on Tom’s. 

previous chapter next chapter   perennial masterlist.

perfidy  ( series masterlist)

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[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 8 RECAP AKA THE KYORU CHRONICLES PART 2 (plus a quick recap of eps 3-7)

aaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I gotta get it out of me otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on work and I will be scrolling through the tag till the day I die. Everything from episode 3 of Season 3 literally hit me like an avalanche - literally cos I marathoned 3-7 over the weekend which I wouldn't advise unless you want an accelerated heartbeat - and I'm starting to realise... maybe I just wasn't ready for season 3. Despite asking for it, haha. Not gonna put as many screencaps for this one cos tumblr editing bay be trippin and I just don't have time nor emotional energy to be fighting with the picture uploads, sorry lol

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Episodes 3 - 7

I spoke before about how (despite my feelings about the characters) the English dub VAs for Akito and Shigure pair up really well audibly. And I think I feel the same way about both Yuki and Machi's English VAs! They both have the same soft spoken yet scratchy element to their voices almost like they are holding slightly back. Although, I'd argue that Yuki has been losing the element of slightly holding back as the anime has gone on which I wonder if the same would be included for Machi's performance?

I really like the presentation of Machi's trauma through her family's expectations to be perfect and how physical it is? How Yuki kind of encourages her to let it out in a healthy way? (Btw the whole chalk breaking scene in the meeting was SO FUCKING SMOOTH. YUKI IS A NERD BUT HE IS SO EFFORTLESSLY COOL A LOT OF THE TIME)

The age gap between Isuzu and Haru for sure isn't the worst age gap in this anime/manga but it's still a bit... hmm...

Episode 4:

In all seriousness, I know Akito deserves some sympathy but it doesn't change the fact that I still see her as a villain. Hurt people hurt people but it doesn't mean they should get away with it, I was honestly pleased Haru got that big confrontation with Akito to tell her WHAT'S WHAT but it was also somewhat... merciful?

Hiro's growth has been so beautiful to see, him realising there are bigger things than him from the event with Rin to his relationship with Kisa to then the birth of his little sister.

Kureno choosing to get his hands a little dirtier and paying the ultimate price for it (as far as we know so far in the anime lol) was great, he is the moon side of Tohru's sunshine.

Shigure... I still don't really get him and Akito's relationship. It's clear he's waiting for Akito to grow the fuck up but at the same time he's not creating an environment for her to grow and develop. He's decided to go with the 'tough love' route which I'm still deciding whether I like it or not tbh. Sometimes it feels necessary, at other times it feels shitty. I respect that he knows he's a scumbag and I don't deny that there are people out there who take revelry in the fact that they are awful but at the same time, him remaining unchanging despite everything feels... unrealistic. But considering throughout this story he doesn't seem affected by trauma, it's understandable, I guess?

Also... that scene where Shigure ponders about whether he should've been with Tohru is THE creepiest creeper shit he's EVER done in this series. No. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Momiji is best bunny boi regardless of how tall and 'manly' he becomes. 🐰His scene with Akito was so authentically him and he really did that shit. We love him. <3

I love the way that the curse breaking should (on surface) be a happy event considering all the trauma the zodiac went through because of it but it's presented mostly as loss as well as happiness. It's the realness of getting out of a bad relationship

Shigure basically laying it out to Tohru how Kyo means nothing in a very taunting way was an excellently painful scene and I choose violence. It was heartbreaking seeing how worthless they all saw Kyo compared to how Tohru saw him but... by this point I was just living in the pain so 🤷🏾‍♀️

The story visually showing how Isuzu is more willing to be soft after her whole ordeal through her fashion choices (e.g. the pastels, the cardigans) was really nice. And Haru being happy about Isuzu making friends with Tohru was cute!

It was nice we saw that Kazuma was still wary about whether Tohru loved Kyo for the right reasons, you'd assume after everything Kazuma would love Tohru as a match for Kyo but he's so emotionally intelligent and also just a protective Dad! Yay, good parenting!

Tohru's confession to loving Kyo was amazing however I still adore Kyo's confession a little bit more. Just a bit. Lol. However, if you add the moment later in episode 8 it trumps it completely. Ethereal goddess.

Kyo and Tohru's grandfather having a scene together was great and nice

Now that I think about it, I wish there was more a visual link in the story between Tohru adapting her speech to imitate her Dad and Momiji adopting his Mum's German accent. Albeit for slightly different reasons, it just adds to the unique connection Tohru and Momiji have. In short, I'm seeing this ship with my third eye now. I get it lol

I don't wanna screencap the scene where Kyo is haunted by both his deceased mother and deceased Kyoko and potentially deceased Tohru because it's the stuff of nightmares. But, it was a wonderfully done scene. You definitely understand fully and clearly why Kyo buried all of that trauma under his hatred for Yuki (I CAN'T WAIT FOR EPISODE 9, YOU GUISE!)

If Akito is a villain, Ren is the final boss. Although, with her type of villainy... I feel like I can kind of enjoy a bit more. She reminds me of a Greek God in the ways she master manipulates people and her desperation for control and power (I just read 'Mythos' by Stephen Fry, it's a great read lol)

It lowkey feels like every female character who's comfortable in expressing their sexuality in this story is punished in some way for it... this is an incomplete thought

Shigure as a child feeling like they should all be pitied is so... mature... I feel like I need more of an explanation for why Shigure is the way he is

Akito's ego death with Kureno? Amazing. I loved that she was at least aware enough to realise how Kureno had been coddling her all this time but again... doesn't excuse her crimes

But anyways...

EPISODE 8

Honestly? I really don't have much to say about this episode besides 3-5 points I wanna get out of my head. It's not a bad thing at all, it's just that there's still a lot left to play out from this 'arc' and this season in general that I wanna complete my thoughts on.

But I'll start with this:

Lol, isn't it funny?! Isn't it heart-wrenchingly funny how the relationship between Kyo and Tohru has kinda reverted back to how they were at the start of the series? The coldness of Kyo at the beginning of this episode (and throughout) was a bit of a gut punch considering all the light and fluffy moments that we've gotten between the two since the True Form arc.

Talking about the True Form arc, I feel like this episode is somewhat a repeat of the same emotions, same trials of the True Form arc. Kyo still 'runs away like he always has' but this time we get him being the most honest and confrontational with his own emotions and trauma than he ever has been during the course of this whole story. While trusting someone (Tohru specifically) for the first time with the whole truth of his story! He always seems to move one step forward and then three steps backwards and while it's a tad bit frustrating, it feels very... real. I'll probably complete my feelings how this arc reflects the True Form arc when we finish this section of the story in future episode(s).

Considering the fact that 80% of this episode is Jerry Jewell monologuing as Kyo and I never got bored really just sells his performance. Kyo was being incredibly cold this episode and yet the range of emotions through his performance made it feel understandable enough for you to empathise with it.

BrattyKid!Kyo to lighten the mood 😹I still wish he and Hiro had more of a relationship, I feel like they could have taught each other a lot. Well... mostly Kyo teaching Hiro tbh

Kyo rejecting Kyoka for her honesty and kindness and then later rejecting Tohru? Oh... kid...

Wow, I felt so good about that whole episode of Kid!Yuki helping Kid!Tohru get home and then it's slightly soured knowing KID!KYO was running about the streets alllll night into the morning?!?! I really did feel Kyo's frustration at not getting that win to actually do something right. And the irony of that being linked to him being unable to save Kyoka from the oncoming car?

Honestly, I don't know what my feelings are on Kyo being unable to save Kyoka. I don't even know what my feelings are on Tohru pretty much pushing that aside in favour of her feelings for Kyo. It's... complicated and I've been mulling it over in my head for the last 10+ years hahah However, if I was in Tohru's position I think I'd eventually come to a point where it feels like it's too late to really do anything about how bad I'd feel about it. Kyo's intentions weren't horrid, if anything he was just being a scared kid and he's allowed to be that. I just wish Tohru had a bit more time to evaluate it but considering she knew her mother well and assumes that wouldn't have been the full scope of what she had said, I don't have much of a problem with it in general

Lol, I love when Tohru gets a 'FUCK YOU, I LOVE YOU' moment with Kyo. 😂Another reflected scene from the True Form arc... only thing is that this time... it doesn't quite work. 😕

(Again, I love how all of these reflections are resolved in later occurences in response to the duality but I'll get to it next week when it shows hopefully)

Laura Bailey only had a few sentences in this episode but she killed it as always. Comparing her performance in 2001 to now is just... growth!

Ok, so Yuki automatically gets Best Boi in this episode for meddling and chasing after KYO of all people. Showing how he's personally done with hating Kyo. Realising Kyo is pretty much the only person who'll make his mother happy. I think he also lowkey wants to understand Kyo? But, we'll get to that next week.

....Oh yeah, Akito is there.

--------------------------------------------------------------

In total, I liked this episode even though it has me anxious for the next one. We finally get the full picture of why Kyo is the way he is! Ahhhh - a weight off all our chests, I'm sure. I kinda don't like that they put the ending theme at the end of these episodes - the joyfulness doesn't really match up with the intense theme? But, that's just a minor gripe. And hey, maybe they just want the audience to know... it's all gonna be okay :)

See you next week!!!

[elisacquiroz]

The House on Evergreen

I am second generation of my family here in the United States. My parents were both born here in the states to immigrant Latino parents. My mother, is the daughter of a Puerto Rican-native woman named Isa and My father, is the son of two Mexican-native individuals named Ignacio and Martha. My grandmother Isa was part of the huge wave of Puerto Ricans who migrated to here in New York during the 1950s. She settled down in an area of Bushwick known as Graham Avenue which became a heavily Puerto Rican populated area of Brooklyn. My grandparents Ignacio and Martha migrated here from Mexico in the late 1950s and originally settled down in South Bronx for a few years before relocating to Bushwick in Brooklyn. It was in Bushwick where my parents met in the early 1980s. It was also in Bushwick where they started a family, had and raised me, and to this day I reside in the same beloved neighborhood.

I frequently ask my parents about what is was like to live through those times in the neighborhood. Most of the time they are very reminiscent of how happy they were as children growing up in Bushwick. My mom reflects often on how close everyone was on her block, and how funny it was to say “hi” to nearly everyone she passed as she walked to school because her mom surely knew them in some way or form. She describes how the streets in the summer were filled with all the kids of the neighborhoods, searching for a way to spend their short-lived warm days before the Fall. My dad remembers taking turns with his brothers riding a bike all around the neighborhood. My parents describe how nice it was to grow up in the neighborhood because mostly everyone came from the same place: a place of poverty and eagerness to escape from some neglection back in another country, but hopefulness for a better life here in New York City. However, my parents do no only reflect on the joys of growing up in Brooklyn, but also remember how dangerous the neighborhood was, as were many in NYC back in that time. Back in the 80s, Bushwick was a bit dangerous and had high crime levels- something I surely witnessed low amounts of in my time growing up here. The high crime levels and plummeting economy made Bushwick an area consisting of land lots made vacant by burnt down buildings and cheap properties. My grandfather Ignacio took full advantage of this time and built his small family legacy by becoming one of the first Hispanic property owners in Bushwick.

When my grandfather arrived here in New York City, he worked very hard as a car mechanic scrambling for enough cash to bring his wife, my grandmother, over here from Mexico. After succeeding in getting her here, my grandfather continued to hustle and eventually made enough money to open his own auto shop. In doing this, he was able to purchase three different properties a few years later. Of the three properties he purchased, he and my grandmother resided in this one building on an avenue called Evergreen. That building later became my entire childhood, as well as many of my other family members.

Ignacio and Martha enjoying a meal in their home on Evergreen Avenue in Bushwick, Brooklyn circa 1972:

I have always called that apartment building a house because once my grandfather became the owner of it, he rented out each apartment to a family and the entire building became one big home. One of the apartments eventually went to an aunt from my mother’s side, so both sides of my family were always together in that house. That house held so many birthdays and holidays for the many years to come, and to this day my grandfather still resides there along with some other family members. I become filled with so much joy remembering all the wonderful memories in that house with my family and friends. My parents also reminisce of their own years of memories from that house on Evergreen, long before I came in the picture. That house became the center of our giant family here and will always be a huge influence in the culture I embraced as a Latina growing up in a little Brooklyn neighborhood called Bushwick.

[darecruit]

Oooh! Shelby and the Ghoul-Friend, haha, I cannot WAIT to read it. Do post soon! Just by the name of it, I could see her pulling some sort of "funny" (to a twelve year old) prank gone wrong, destroying something, maybe, lighting a trashcan literally on fire? (Or would she be too young to do that? But it IS the 80s(?) lol, I hear kids were crazy then)

Ha! I like the idea of the trashcan set on fire. And yes, it is the 80s. Parents were more lax in terms of letting their kids run off and do....but more strict if/when they find out just what those kids were up to in their absence!

Below is everything I have for the Ghoul-friend story. Enjoy! And any ideas you may have, I'm all ears!

Shelby and the Ghoul-friend

Summary: Rachel finds a picture of the original Corcoran kids from a Halloween long ago. Of course the girl is curious as to why her mother looks downright irate, and the rest of the family is all too happy to tell the story—despite Shelby’s best efforts to keep a certain ghost rising from the grave!

Sarah Corcoran peeked her head down the hallway to the bathroom to check on her niece; the girl had been in there longer than normal and Sarah was starting to worry.

“Rachel?” Sarah called out as she came to the bathroom and realized the girl wasn’t inside. Where could she be? she wondered.

Sarah continued down the hall to the only open door—Jack’s office. She peeked her head inside and saw Rachel over by her husband’s desk.

“Hey, what are you doing, kiddo?” she asked. Strictly speaking, the children weren’t allowed in the office without permission. Jack worked from home a lot of times and he didn’t want any of his projects accidentally damaged. Sarah knew Rachel hadn’t touched anything she shouldn’t, but she was still curious to know why the girl had wandered in.

Rachel gasped and spun around suddenly, clutching the picture frame to her chest. Blushing at being caught, the girl lowered her eyes briefly before meeting her aunt’s questioning stare.

“I was just looking at this photo of Mom and Uncle Jack and Ben and Aunt LuLu and—is that you? You look so different!” Rachel said, holding the frame out for her aunt to see.

Sarah smiled and stepped forward, her hand outstretched. She took the frame from her niece and stared down at the photo inside. It was a picture of the four Corcoran kids and Sarah dressed up in their Halloween costumes the first year that Jack and Sarah were dating. Jack, Ben, Lauren, and Sarah all had big smiles on their faces while Shelby stood a step away from everyone and had a petulant scowl on hers.

“That is me. This was on your mom’s twelfth birthday. It was the first time Uncle Jack brought me home to meet his family—well, Shelby and his parents. I had met Ben and Lauren before that,” Sarah said, smiling at the memory. That was a day she would never forget.

“Why does Mom look so angry?” Rachel asked.

“She wasn’t happy about meeting me,” Sarah answered.

“Why not?” Rachel asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Why don’t we go back and join the others so everyone can hear the story?” Sarah suggested, wrapping an arm around the small teen. Rachel smiled and nodded and the two made their way out, Sarah carrying the photo with her.

“Hey! There you both are!” Jack cried out in relief. “We were just about to send out a search party for you! What took you so long?”

“Rachel found this picture of our first Halloween together, when Shelby turned twelve. She was asking why Shelby looked so upset in the photo,” Sarah explained to the group. The adults broke out into collective laughter—all except Shelby, who turned bright red.

“Lemme see!” Ben leaped out of his chair in excitement. “Man, I haven’t seen this in ages. I still can’t believe what Shelby said to you about your costume, Sarah!”

“What’d she say?” Rachel questioned.

“Nothing, it was nothing!” Shelby spoke up before her brothers could answer. “Sarah doesn’t remember either, do you, Sarah?”

Sarah met Shelby’s gaze and saw the pleading in the younger woman’s eyes. Her own eyes sparkled with mirth and she smirked at her sister-in-law. “I remember exactly what you said to me, Shelby. That was quite an introduction you gave me,” she laughed.

Shelby groaned and felt her face flush once again. She couldn’t believe this was happening to her. That was such a long time ago and Shelby had been a young, dumb kid. It was a confusing time for the girl, and Shelby hadn’t handled meeting her big brother’s girlfriend well at all. In fact, that night had been a disaster. Did her family really need to bring it up and share the story with Rachel?

“Oh Shelby, that wasn’t your best birthday, was it? Poor kid,” John chuckled as he looked at the photo.

“What? No! Guys!” Shelby jumped in, glaring at each of her siblings in turn. “Rachel, it’s a really boring story. What do you say you and I head to the mall and go shopping?”

“You can’t bribe her with shopping!” Jack yelled. “Besides, we’re having family time right now. Shame, Shelby!”

“Well, it all started that morning when your grandfather and I went to wake Shelby,” Diane began. Rachel leaned forward in her chair and rested her elbows on the table.

Diane and John Corcoran crept into their youngest’s room early on Friday morning and stared down at the slumbering pre-teen. Twelve years ago today Diane had given birth to their beautiful little girl. And for twelve years, that girl had given them much to laugh about. She had given them much to be angry about as well. Most of all, their beautiful Shelby filled their hearts with more love than they ever thought possible.

Diane settled onto the edge of the bed and brushed back the hair from her daughter’s face. “Shelly Bean, rise and shine,” she whispered gently.

“Whattimesit?” Shelby murmured sleepily. She rolled over onto her back and rubbed at her eyes.

“It’s birthday time! Wake up, sleepyhead!” John grinned from ear to ear.

The girl’s eyes popped open and she sprang up as if doused with cold water. She caught the glimpse of blue wrapping paper behind her father’s back and couldn’t help her excited squeal.

“Can I open my present?” she asked.

“Present? Were we supposed to get you a present? Did you know that, Diane?” John teased his youngest.

“Daddy!” Shelby whined, holding out her hand expectantly.

John chuckled as he brought the present out from behind his back. “Oh, this present? How silly of me to forget! I suppose you can open it,” he said, handing the small box over.

“No, no, no,” Jack interrupted. “Skip this part. Let’s get to the good stuff!”

“You think you can tell it better then?” Diane said.

“I can,” Jack nodded, smiling wickedly. He turned to the expectant faces of the kids and began the story over.

Shelby ran down the stairs at the sound of her brother’s laughter. Jack was late and that wasn’t like him. She could hear her mother shuffling around in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner. She skidded to a halt just before the dining room, and found herself face-to-face with Jack. A huge smile lit up her face as she lunged forward and hugged him around the middle.

Shelby pulled back and finally got a good look at him, and her face fell. “What are you dressed as?” she asked reproachfully.

“I’m the main guy from Grease. Can’t you tell?” Jack asked, stepping back to hold his arms out. He turned once in a circle to let the girl get a good look at him; she was a whiz at everything musical and he wanted her seal of approval.

Shelby frowned as she gave Jack a once-over. He wore a black leather jacket over a plain white t-shirt, black jeans, and a pair of black, scuffed-up Chucks. His sandy-colored hair was slicked up in Danny Zuko’s signature style. Overall, he looked great. There was just one problem.

“You were supposed to dress up as Nicky Arnstein to match me, remember?” Shelby huffed. “You don’t even like Grease, why did you dress up as Danny?”

[vagrantblvrd]

so i started watching The Old Guard because of your posts and mashes so well with the Immortal!FAHC so i was wondering, what are your thoughts on that, like who is the oldest, which era is each member of the crew from, how did they die the first time, and so on :3

Yesssss. >:D

But, no I hope you liked it, friend!

The first time I watched I was thinking that too!

As to Immortal!FAHC I have many thoughts on it from before watching this movie.

I’m also no good at history, and get my eras mixed up? (Like oh my God I had that intense focus thing going on as a kid for a while for WWII warplanes after watching Memphis Belle with my dad, but aside from that, yeah???)

(All of this is to say please excuse inaccuracies as most of what I know is from media and Wikipedia. Also, some of these are more well thought out than others, so pls to keep that in mind.)

Presented in no particular order:

My favorite take on it though has Gavin as the oldest, right? (Pretends he isn’t, but the others find out over time because he stops trying to hide it when he realizes it’s not an issue with them the way it’s been with other immortals he’s run across for whatever reason.)

Born during the Bronze Age and the person he was back then was just awful, horrible little asshole without redeeming qualities to speak of whatsoever.

Came from a wealthy/important family which is something that’s people can still tell to this day even if he’s not a bastard about it anymore.

He died alone and unloved (no reason to love the person he was back then, something he freely admits to anyone asking who wants the real answer) to thieves/bandits or some wasting illness, idk.

From there he learns how not to be a complete piece of shit and honestly, it takes him a long goddamned time.

Lifetimes, really. (Not his, of course, but as time goes and all that.)

Watching and learning from the people around him from the poor farmers and so on who take pity on this dirty traveler on the verge of starving to death to emperors and kings and queens and other puffed up royalty and such.

Favored Italy and England enough that he’s woven both into the Golden Boy’s persona with the accent and references to this grandfather of his that he makes to people who don’t know he’s an immortal.

(Definitely has ties to the mafia, if not served as the head of the Italian mafia for a time, making a comeback as a long-lost/bastard descendant recently discovered with a remarkable likeness to a former mafia head who’s since moved to Los Santos, because of course he did.)

To be fair, he’s still learning with the Fakes, found family and all, and he’s the happiest he can remember being? (Because sappy feels and the whatnot.)

Jack I picture as a viking, because the beard and uh, not much else reason for that line of thinking.

Just this great warrior/peacemaker among his people who dies in battle. (Possibly betrayed because jealous fellow viking at how well-liked and respected Jack is and so on.)

He’s “mellowed” over time, likes to play friendly and affable and so on, will let himself be insulted if it serves the crew’s interests and such? But oh, wow, watch out when he’s angry? (Especially if it’s due to someone hurting someone he cares about.)

Ryan I see as medieval times with the whole kings and queens and knights. (Possibly due to the influence of Kings AU???)

Noble born and served as a knight before being killed in battle or spot of ~intrigue by a political rival/enemy.

Totally got his revenge before realizing the kind of trouble he’d be in if he tried to reclaim his life - unnatural and all - and ended up living a nomadic lifestyle after that. (A vagabond, if you will, because that never not stops being funny to me.)

He gets tangled up with thieves and the like for a while, did some murder for hire that’s been his main career path ever since.

(And okay, if one of the thieves he worked with for a while was this skinny bastard with a big nose and the most ridiculous questions that’s possibly a thing that happened, because reasons. And Freewood.)

Michael I see coming in around the Revolutionary War?

Family moved to the colonies when he was a kid and so on. Signing on to fight against the British and dying in a battle against them, still remembers what it felt like bleeding out in the mud. Has nightmares about it sometimes.

There used to be this whole Thing about it when he met Gavin whenever he leans hard on the British bit that gets even more involved after Jeremy joins the crew.

(Also, also. If Michael and Jeremy collude together against that British asshole, well. That’s a thing that happens. Along with smooches, because none of your goddamned business about that, okay?)

Jeremy comes in during the whole cowboy era, because of the Rimmy Tim getup and I think it’s hilarious as hell.

Originally from Boston (hence the dumb running joke with Gavin and Michael)and moved to the ~wild west as a kid because Adventure and then shenanigans?

Died in a train heist gone horribly wrong and just. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but since he mentioned once it has something to do with his fear of heights, just.

Yikes, you know?

Also, also, the whole bit about cars becoming a thing just before he died (I’m trying not to make a joke about it being of dysentery on a certain trail, but it’s so hard), which is part of why he’s got a Thing about cars now.

(Vroom-vroom fast and that armada of his.)

Trevor, okay, Trevor.

Based pretty much on what his GTA V character used to wear and Trevor himself makes me think of Prohibition-era gangster along with Alfredo?

He and Alfredo started out as street kids in Chicago and the fastest/easiest way to make money for kids like them involved the mob and it was just.

A thing that happened? The two of them coming up in the ranks and BFFs (possibly something more, who can say???) before getting gunned down by rivals one day.

Would have woken up together if the morgue hadn’t fucked up so they went a few years thinking the other had died before accidentally running into one another again, because reasons.

They’ve been together ever since, a pain in Geoff’s ass before he managed to get them to sign on with the crew.

(Trevor kept the fashion sense he had from back then, because of course he did. Doesn’t always dress like he used to, but sometimes he gets the urge and Alfredo laughs at him for it, but he never says a word against it because Trevor looks good like that, you know?)

Speaking of Geoff?

Born around the time Trevor and Fredo were running from Elliott Ness and his Untouchables.

Lied about his age to join the Army and served overseas in the European theater in WWII. Infantry, saw his share of battles that took the shine out of things (what there was to the stupid he kid he was) really damn fast.

Actually survived through the end of the war and made his way back to the US, did some odd jobs here and there for a while as he tried to figure things out.

Listened to the wrong friend (or right one?) and ended up working for some criminal-types, got dragged into the life before he knew it.

Managed to stay alive, learning the ins and outs of being a criminal and all that up until his luck ran out and he ran afoul of some corrupt cops.

Woke up in a ditch somewhere coughing up bullets and freaked out as hell - anyone would be - and then, uh.

Kind of kept going?

Figured shit out as he went, and ran into Jack sometime in the fifties, sixties? Whenever and it was them for the longest damn time before Geoff got the idea to set up in Los Santos for a bit, see how that worked out for them.

(Regret. So much regret because look at all the assholes fucking up his life after that, you know? Really, Jack, stop laughing at him because you’re part of the problem, jackass.)

Lindsay I see as being either relatively young - died in the 80s, 90s? - or as old as if not older than Gavin, depending on the day? (My day??? Idk, I love both a hell of a lot.)

Died in a bank robbery when the asshole responsible for setting the charges to get into the vault miscalculated how much explosives were needed and it was just.

Messy.

Super, super messy.

Fiona is absolutely the youngest, someone Gavin ran into in Europe when he pulled the thing about being his own descendant.

Met her in Paris on his way to the US when she got so goddamned angry at him for accusing her of picking his pocket (a thing she totally did, btw), but she cased such a scene she managed to escape before the cops or Gavin could do anything about it.

She dies in Liberty City working for some assholes who never deserved her, and Gavin happens to be there when she makes the mistake of picking pockets to get enough money to get the hell out of the city before anyone realizes she’s not as dead as she could be?

Terrible disguise of baseball hat, big sunglasses and a scarf over her face, but her response at being caught out as a thief is too similar for Gavin not to realize it’s her.

And then, you know.

He mentions this crew out in Los Santos that would be interested in someone like her? Not as a pickpocket because she’s clearly awful at it - “Hey!” - but they’ve chatted a bit and she mentioned something about sniping - or maybe just perked up when he brought it up.

(Visiting a sniper he used to work with and so on.)

Anyway, why not look them up if she’s ever in Los Santos?

And then she does, of course, and then shenanigans???

Also, also, some of them definitely crossed paths over the years. Ran into one another and are all, “Oh, this asshole again,” maybe work together for a while before going their own ways

They all have this story about meeting Gavin for the first time that no one, no one puts together for the longest damn time.

Like.

How the hell could Jack have met Gavin back when he was being a viking when Gavin claims he died in the 60s?

(Claimed to know the Beatles personally, because of course he did.)

Ryan and that thief he met that one time, got all these FEELS for him that had them being partners in crime for a long, long time before circumstanced forced them apart.

...And then met him again a century or so later and on opposite sides before Gavin did a heroic “sacrifice” to save him at the expense of his current cover. Like, they totally picked up where they left off afterward, because not that stupid? But they got maybe fifteen, twenty years after that together before they were forced apart by circumstances again.

Pattern repeats for a long goddamned time before they happen to meet up again around the time Geoff and Jack get to Los Santos and so far their luck seems to be holding steady. (I just. Man, I love the idea of them being the kind of assholes who are stupid in love with one another but the universe at large is like, lol and tosses a wrench into the works every once in a while for the hell of it and them eventually finding one another again. Because DELICIOUS ANGST.)

Or Michael when he was marching to the next battle and some asshole asking him the stupidest question imaginable next to him? (British accent, sure, but he wasn’t the only one on their side with one, so yes.)

Jeremy and that one Pinkerton agent that one time???

Lindsay and that asshole working for a rival gang who didn’t kill her even though he could have? (When she asks sometime after joining the Fakes he’s just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  even though he didn’t like the asshole he was working for at the time and actually engineered the bastard’s death, but yeah, sure, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

Fiona, well.

Everyone knows that story because she’s like “YOU MOTHERFUCKER,” when she sees him at the penthouse the first time he strolls through the door after she joins the crew.

And just.

Yes.

They put the pieces together at some point and are like son of a bitch because they figured Gavin’s story about being a beatnik or whatever he said he was when he died was the truth?

And Gavin’s like, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  because technically it wasn’t a lie.

He was a beatnik when he died in the 60s, it’s just that that wasn’t the first time he died.

Eventually he tells them about it in bits and pieces, because they don’t push, demand an explanation. (God knows they’ve all got their secrets and reasons for them and such.)

He tells them because he trusts them and they prove he’s right to by not betraying his trust in them and I’m just, like. Full of FEELS right now, so yes.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALSO.

Bonus?

But I seriously love the idea of Meg being the inspiration behind the Morrigan.

Just.

Yes.

And if she happens to meet Ryan and Gavin while those two idiots are thieving their way across Europe sometime? That’s definitely a thing that happened.

Also, also, you know she checks up on them in Los Santos from time to time, because old friends (possibly more?) and gets along with Lindsay and Fiona like a house on fire.

Sometimes literally, the three of them >:DDDDDDDD while Geoff’s back at the penthouse shut up in his room because no, no, do not tell him how much of his city’s on fire, Trevor, no.

Idk whether I like former Roman soldier Dan or medieval knight Dan, but whichever one it is he and Gavin go way, way back and they delight in shenanigating about almost as much as Meg and her terrors do in that Geoff is very much :(((((((((((((((((((((((((( when they get together because some part of the city is guaranteed to be on fire at any given point.

[verytamenow]

evermore reactions

1. willow

why is this giving me kate bush vibes?

“but i come back stronger than a 90s trend” I LOVE IT

2.  champagne problems

“your mom’s ring in your pocket/my picture in your wallet/your heart was glass, i dropped it”

look not to be a gaylor on main but swiftgron. 

swiftgron swiftgron swiftgron

di really is the one who it’s never really over with.

are we going to acknowledge the timing of the 1 and di’s divorce

it’s nice to get the “i fucked up too” song

is di due to get married to molly??? are they even still together?

3. gold rush

this is apparently jack’s favourite so here we fucking go

the open vocals are something else

taylor is a jealous bitch and i feel like it’s hot af

anyone remembering the vsfs 14 gold wing outfit karlie walked in?

“what must it be like to grow up that beautiful” BIOTCH HAVE YOU LOOKED IN A MIRROR

4. tis the damn season

the title intrigues me

“tis the damn season” cuffing season?

is this all “we’re over and it’s destroyed me?” i mean hoax as the final track of folklore gave that vibe

this is the anger phase of grief mixed with bargaining

plot twist - this is finally the reply to the guy from parachute who wrote kiss me slowly about her

emily? is this about the what if she’d not chosen fame? “it always leads to you and my hometown” = it always comes back to the same choice/trauma?

5. tolerate it

track 5, buckle up bitches and models

where is this going?

oof the chorus

this feels connected to the moment i knew

 but red season just passed so i could be projecting

this is heavy in a different way for track 5

it’s not the callout the last couple of albums’ track five have been and yet i feel it

6. no body, no crime

oo i already like this

this goes  hard

oh murder turn, d

idn’t see that coming

this NEEDS a music video taylor!

murderess!taylor has no right to be so hot

but she’s never hotter than when she looks like she might murder me

7. happiness

one fuck of a breakup song

this is a divorce song tbh

“when did all or lessons begin to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt” =“what you did was just as dark as when they pulled me apart”

WAIT IS THIS ABOUT SCOTT?!?!?

I think this is about Scott. holy fuck

fuck scott borcheta with a catcus

“no one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him too” oof why is this about my family

again vague kate bush vibes damn my father for making that a reference i can give

8. dorothea

this is a tone shift

so this is the hollywood song

why the fuck tupelo

9. coney island

“break my soul in two, looking for you, but you’re right here” ouch

anyone else weirdly relating this to mental illness? or having a loved over sinking in their mental illness or issues? all the blame and guilt and wanting to know if you could have done more to help or why you missed it until it was too late?

this also needs a music video

i’m gonna need a few listens to unpack this one

10. ivy

“i once was poison ivy”?

this feels a portal to a stone cottage in a forest clearing near a river or lake or coast. long forgotten yet lovingly cared for. hidden beyond a half overgrown dirt road

yet another affair song

i sense a theme

11. cowboy like me

dancing on this album as a metaphor is definitely A ThingTM

12. long story short

i want an 80s remix of this

it deserves it

i love this song so much

this is basically “hiddleswift was a clusterfuck and i wasn’t well”

the bit to her past me...they DID all self destruct

13. marjorie

yay it IS about her grandmother

“never be so kind you forget to be clever/never be so clever you forget to be kind” is a hell of a line

Taylor definitely has her sense of style

gods she was stunning

i can imagine how emotional she and andrea were putting together the footage

“I should have asked you questions, I should’ve asked you how to be, asked you to write it down for me” punched me in the gut. all the things i never got to ask my great grandmother, my grandfather, even my mother.

was the sound based on specific this she sung? i need to know

14. closure

this is a very different opening

Scott again?

could be an ex.

i imagine the “messy” sound is very intentional

in another life this would have been such a sassy pop single

15. evermore

yeah that sounds like anxiety and ptsd to me

december? oh now we’re bringing out the sads

the comfort to the hurt. fall and redemption.

\