#the pain lies in the fact that the novel i chose this time is currently on hiatus... i dug my own grave with this one i admit

[seyamu]

WHAT is IT with me choosing novels with absolutely ridiculous long names at random in search of a light, casual read that i can forget all about once i'm done with it (after once again getting disappointed by something i had spent a lot of time choosing and reading reviews for) only to stumble upon something intriguing and well-written, and immediately get hooked. i already have two nickels and at this rate i have a feeling that the number will only keep growing

[shijiujun]

Hi! Is it okay to ask you for a small advice? I started reading Thousand Autumns recently (currently on chapters ~85-88) and I'm having a bit of a problem with Yan Wushi's character. I am so turned off by his behavior towards SQ for the whole novel up to this point and I just wonder - is it gonna get better...? I can't stand seeing him openly abusing SQ and treating him like shit, I'm sorry (1)

I know he's evil and it's expected of him to be bad but with future romance prospect I'm really struggling to like the relationship between him and SQ; and if in the first half of the novel I didn't expect big changes, now I keep hoping to see something different from him but I'm not seeing much. He keeps treating SQ horribly. I'm not sure if I can forgive him for what he's done and has no remorse whatsoever - (2)

- abusing SQ and manipulating him, using him as an experiment as if he's a toy to play with; selling him to a r*pist knowing he'll be tortured to death...! And after everything that happend I still barely see anything good in his attitude towards SQ. I can't help but think SQ deserves so much better. I suppose I should try to have some hope for the upcoming chapters to be better? Is it worth it to continue reading or nothing will change? Excuse me for writing so much, Thank you

---

Heya! Oooof okay so you’re totally valid, Yan Wushi isn’t like a character for everyone - so let me break it down with the first part and then the second part where his attitude turns for the better XD

Spoilers under the cut

Before SQ goes to save him:

Yan Wushi does have a goal which is to play mind games with Shen Qiao and (1) throw him into despair (2) try to see if Shen Qiao is a worthy opponent - sure, he’s an asshole with an agenda of his own. YWS doesn’t believe that there is any good in anyone - he thinks Shen Qiao is a hypocrite and that everyone will turn evil given the right circumstances, and so YWS doesn’t trust anyone, or even considers anyone as an equal to him.

He wants to see Shen Qiao become evil basically and does everything he can to direct him towards that but I’d say his actions (with two exceptions) fit his character and the two motives above pretty well and I’m not sure I’d count it as abuse (based on my understanding of abuse, feel free to disagree). I think it’s easy to forget that Shen Qiao is not delusional or naive or ‘innocent’, and he does not paint YWS as some saviour or a friend (at least in the beginning) - he knows who YWS is, knows that he’s insane, not compassionate, totally evil etc. even from the start the moment he realizes that YWS and his disciple lied to him.

1. He lies to Shen Qiao that he’s his shizun, and then sends him to kill someone, but he’s not there to enforce it

2. Throws him out on the streets without his memories, but Shen Qiao is anything but a weak youngling, once again, YWS doesn’t do anything to him

3. YWS turns up at the temple and has Shen Qiao read the scripture - SQ’s not sure what’s going on at first but he more or less figures it out, but also the scripture reading inadvertently helps to heal him (and YWS knows this)

4. YWS flirts with Shen Qiao for a reaction for a while, he’s not genuine of course, but Shen Qiao knows he’s not genuine

5. YWS doesn’t help Shen Qiao out when he’s faced with an opponent while he’s still injured just to see how long Shen Qiao can hold out for - but firstly, Shen Qiao never really expected him to help in the first place, because he has no delusions about the man - and YWS ends up helping anyway, of course not out of the kindness of his heart, but I don’t see why I should hold that against him XD

6. Stands by and watches as Shen Qiao and his shidi Yu Ai have their confrontation - Sure, he’s there to watch the drama, but it’s Shen Qiao who makes the decision to go with him - the lesser of two evils

7. Forces Shen Qiao to fight him while he’s still injured because he wants to see if Shen Qiao’s recovery level has reached a certain point, enough to be an adversary worth dealing with - yes, he’s forcing Shen Qiao to fight when he’s still blind and weak, but throughout the fight you realize that YWS is right - it’s that very battle that basically lets SQ recover his previous abilities by a bit. He’s not hurting SQ for the fun of it (out of sadism or shit) - he purely (or evil-ly) wants to know if SQ is every bit of the skilled warrior he’s heard about 

The exceptions are these: (1) When he plants the demonic seed thing in his heart (2) When he trades SQ to Sang Jing Xing for his sword, knowing full well that SJX has a habit of sexually torturing his prisoners - I feel like YWS was almost warming up to SQ when his habit of distrust and everything kicked in and he reverted back to his cynical self - Not an excuse for what he did though, because yes Shen Qiao especially didn’t want the demonic seed thing firstly (and YWS knows this), and then he despaired at being left to SJX. This is the incident that has SQ basically give up on YWS and allows him to erase any notion of him ever becoming friends with YWS. I’m also rather curious how exactly SQ kind of like got over this - but in the settings of the book, I guess it’s explained away with (1) SQ actually fully recovering as a result of this incident (2) SQ has a big heart, and forgives YWS after - but whether or not that’s convincing, that’s up to every reader.

After SQ goes to save him:

1. So after the SJX incident - where he chose to self-destruct and die, taking SJX along with him but ended up surviving and being able to cultivate properly again from the start (previously he couldn’t because he could only recover to a certain extent as there was some blockage etc., but the blast in this incident clears the blockage) - and after he’s sort of recovered like 50-75%, he hears of an ambush on YWS by the leaders of like 5 other sects, and decides to go forward to save him 

2. Not because he harbours any like delusions on YWS, but to show him that despite all YWS has done to him (especially with SJX), SQ is still SQ, and he still adheres to his own principles, that YWS did not make him change his mind about being good basically

3. YWS’s views of him starts to change because of this - YWS has never found someone with this much grit to stick to his own principles etc., to still be kind and righteous basically despite being betrayed again and again. Of course this does not excuse the fact that YWS did indeed deliberately leave him to a potentially painful death with SJX - and SQ doesn’t forget either. 

4. SQ saves YWS, and then his heart melts because while YWS is recovering from the ambush, he has two other personalities that show up - so YWS when he was much younger, then YWS when he was a teenager, and YWS now. So YWS as a kid and teen are more trusting and open, and SQ likes kid YWS a lot (like as kid brother), and now-YWS wakes up occasionally from the switch in personas, he realizes that SQ likes kid-YWS and starts thinking about why SQ hates him and likes his kid self.

5. Even then, YWS still does try to jump ship once and leave SQ and other evil people behind in a dangerous cave, but thankfully teen/kid-YWS personas fight to turn up in time, and then YWS goes back for SQ

6. SQ knows this - he doesn’t think YWS has had a sudden change of heart or shit, and knows full well that if it was now-YWS, if kid-YWS didn’t turn up, he would probably be left to think about how to leave the cave on his own

7. YWS’s behaviour towards SQ does a 180 - now that he knows he cannot sway SQ, he starts to listen to SQ, and despite all the barbs on the surface, even if he disagrees with SQ’s positive outlook, he makes an effort to contribute and consider SQ’s opinion even if he doesn’t, intrinsically, believe in it. Starts putting himself in front of SQ, and of course SQ doesn’t believe this all the way to the end, where he realizes that he actually, just that tiny little bit, has started liking YWS and doesn’t want him to die.

8. Then they confirm their relationship in the extras, and YWS does do that hot-and-cold thing once so SQ figures out his feelings for him properly - It’s SQ that initiates the confirmation at the end I think

---

I think at some level, YWS cannot stand how naive Shen Qiao is, and some of the things that he’s leading Shen Qiao to think about/discover are valid - And throughout the book it’s proven true - SQ is kind to Chen Jing, but Chen Jing sells him out (not just once but thrice). He’s kind to and has always doted on Yu Ai, but Yu Ai sells him out too. The elders in his sect - some of them obviously turned to Yu Ai over him despite SQ never having given them reason to doubt him. I don’t think YWS is being deliberately cruel (or abusive) - he’s forcing SQ to look at reality, a reality that YWS sees and lives in.

He always asks Shen Qiao why he trusts others so easily, and afterwards, Shen Qiao does admit that YWS is right in this aspect - he won’t give up his ideals and how he gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, but through YWS, he realizes he needs to be able to think ahead to protect himself and the ppl around him.

Doesn’t excuse the SJX thing YWS did, and I’m sure SQ doesn’t conveniently forget about that either, but in terms of how/why they got together, I guess it’s because despite everything they do know each other best, and are soulmates (tho not only in the sugar-spice-and-everything-nice way i.e. SQ does think YWS is handsome and YWS thinks SQ is the cutest thing ever later). SQ has seen the worst of YWS, and YWS has seen the worst of him - and SQ is made to realize that what he was before was not the best path he could go on because of YWS, but he adjusts his attitude slightly and holds on to his ideals sufficiently. 

On the other hand, YWS still does not believe everyone except his Ah Qiao can truly say they’re good and keep to it in every way, still thinks the worst of a lot of people if not all, but he stops to consider SQ’s POV and input now, whose opinions and every action now mean more to him than anything else ever will. Of course he has to prove himself and earn SQ’s trust back, but I guess he also doesn’t expect SQ to reciprocate, even after he developed feelings for SQ, knowing full well that he’s a mofo and SQ has every right to hate him after all he did.

They don’t fix each other, they’re not each other’s salvations, but they fit and come sort of to a truce, despite having differing views and principles.

Manipulation? Sure, but I think we forget that Shen Qiao is not a victim (except the part where he’s given to SJX) and his agency in every situation is apparent - He’s pretty clear-minded, he knows what Yan Wushi is doing, knows what his character is like, knows that he’s doing/saying things all to get a reaction out of him. He doesn’t expect YWS to help him either, because he knows YWS is here for fun and games. He doesn’t go along with YWS just because, either. He just made a wrong call by trusting that YWS reciprocated his feelings of friendship (not that it’s his fault at all), but that is certainly a moment of weakness he probably regrets.

---

In summary, I personally wasn’t all that put off by YWS’s behaviour, altho I agree the SJX incident is pretty much unforgivable. For me I read this more from the SQ perspective, because his strength shines in every moment and interaction with YWS and overshadows YWS by a lot, which is why the end makes sense to me.

In response to your question - yes YWS does get better when he’s finally totally convinced that SQ is not a hypocrite (although yeah it takes him a while to get there). And for me it’s nice to see Shen Qiao figure out himself, and also his feelings for YWS after, but also never once compromising himself for YWS.

But YWS is definitely less palatable than most other characters in danmei, so it’s natural if you dislike him and remain unconvinced! It happens XD If you hate this, I suggest you try Wu Shuang! Set in the same universe and timeline, and actually doesn’t have much angst - full on bantering between the main CP, constant veiled insults etc.

[rev3rb]

Having Important Life Lessons About the Meaning of Life and Friendship Imparted to Them, a Guren and Yuu Parallel

Now before I get into it, I should say that I’m not going to really get into personal thoughts on Yuu and Guren’s relationship. That would take forever. I also won’t dwell too heavily on how successful Guren was at imparting these life lessons to Yuu as that’s easily up for debate. This is strictly meant to be an analysis/pointing out of how both Guren and Yuu had similar lessons imparted to them.

This gets a bit long with all of the screenshots, so it goes under a keep reading.

Say what you will about Guren, but it’s undeniable that Guren was important to Yuu’s growth in the 4 years between when Yuu escaped Sanguinem and the current day. Because we spend so little time dwelling on that period of time, it’s a little hard to say what exactly Guren did to/for Yuu, but we do see that there were two important lessons Guren tried to impart to him.

In chapter 33, we see 12 year old Yuu ask Guren the following question:

to which Guren ultimately responds with

The second lesson we see Guren try and impart to Yuu can be found in the extra chapter Yu and Guren. In it we see Yuu trying to get and then convince Guren to give him a sword. Guren refuses to give him one because:

Guren only gives him a sword after he sees Yuu protect a little girl rather than going for a sword and says the following:

While it wouldn’t be accurate to say that Guren is the sole reason that Yuu ends up adopting either of these mindsets, it does seem that Yuu took them at least somewhat to heart. Guren’s words, along with Yuu’s innate hatred of vampires at the time, is likely a large part of the reason why Yuu was so obsessed with revenge when the story first started out.

The other lessons, living because of the people you care about and those people making you strong, really don’t stick until Mika shows back up in Yuu’s life. In fact, Yuu outright rejects the idea of friendship at first.

It’s not for lack of Guren trying to get Yuu to embrace friendship though. We can see that he does try multiple times, most notably when Guren denies Yuu a position in the demon army until he makes a friend,

and later, after Yoichi is able to subdue Gekkoin after being possessed by him.

When you combine Guren’s continued reiteration on the importance of friendship with the weight Guren’s words carry in their respective scenes, it's difficult to miss the feeling that Guren values friendship very highly despite his words and actions towards his own friends sometimes suggesting the opposite. If you’ve read the Guren light novels, you know this to be true.

He wasn’t always like this though. In fact he viewed his care for other people as a weakness,

and because of this, he repeatedly rejected the idea entirely, much like Yuu.

Sure, Guren had other reasons beyond just viewing it as weakness to reject friendship, especially Shinya’s, but the fact still remains that friendship wasn’t something Guren valued right away. Friendship was something Guren had to grow to value, and much like Yuu had Guren, Guren had someone to help push these ideas on him. Who was that person? Shinya.

Well, really it was all of Guren’s friends, but Shinya is the one that really put it into words for Guren like Guren did for Yuu.

If we return to the first lesson that Guren tried to impart to Yuu, specifically the idea that he should live despite how painful living is, we see that Guren essentially admits to having went through a similar crisis.

It’s in Resurrection at 19′s first novel that we get to see Guren’s experience with this idea first hand. For all that we make fun of the book’s prologue, Shinya’s ultimate goal with that conversation was to get Guren to believe that there is a reason to continue living in their broken world, much like how Guren was trying to give Yuu an ideal to live for.

Shinya even started the conversation off by talking about bodily functions too.

“But I figured getting horny, that’s something. That gives life some kind of meaning. Well, maybe not meaning, but at least it shows you’ve still got the will to live. You get horny because some part of you refuses to give up on life. Same reason you get hungry, probably, or sleepy. Your belly is empty, you think dirty thoughts, you close your eyes because you’re so damn tired.” -Resurrection at 19, Book 1, Prologue, Page 12

While the meaning behind the statements are actually more like opposites, Guren is implying these things are burdensome efforts one has to go through to keep living, while Shinya’s saying it’s a sign that part of you still wants to live, it’s still a rather strange and specific way to start your pitch on having a reason to live.

The similarities continue when Guren ends up asking a question that’s quite similar to the one Yuu did in chapter 33.

“With things the way they are, is there any point to living?” -Resurrection at 19, Book 1, Prologue, Page 14

Shinya forces Guren to answer the question for himself, but ultimately, the prologue ends with Shinya offering these words:

“And Guren? Remember, life has meaning. It’s got to. So don’t go getting yourself killed.” -Resurrection at 19, Book 1, Prologue, Page 15 and 174

Is it the same sentiment Guren gives Yuu? No, not quite, and it shouldn’t be; Guren’s and Yuu’s needs in those moments are different. However, it is from this conversation that Guren finds and solidifies his reason to live, much like how Yuu did from Guren’s words.

“But there was no need to worry. Guren had found his reason for living. As long as Shinya, Norito, Mito, Shigure, and Sayuri were still alive--Guren had a purpose.” -Resurrection at 19, Book 1, Chapter 3, Page 174

At the end of it all, Guren ends up doing almost exactly what he told Yuu to do. He chose to keep living for those that need him, and it’s this goal, living so he can save Shinya, Goshi, Mito, Shigure, and Sayuri from dying again in two years with the added goal of fixing his mistakes, that pushes Guren forward in the current story.

For the parallel in Guren’s second lesson, having friends helps you to be strong, we have to look back at Catastrophe at 16. Catastrophe at 16 focuses heavily on the concept of what it means to grow stronger, so if we really wanted to dive into Guren’s growth behind this concept, we could be here all day, but once again, Shinya helps solidfy Guren’s concept of what it means to grow strong. Shortly after Shinya stops Guren from killing Seishiro in a fit of anger, and Guren sarcastically remarks about the power of friendship, Shinya offers these words:

“Yeah, but I don’t think frienship is so bad. Without it, what’s the point of living?” - Catastrophe at 16, Book 6, Chapter 3, Page 268

Shinya then launches into a talk on his own goals in life, but he eventually circles back to Guren when he shares what he percieves Guren’s goals in life to be.

“The reason you want to become stronger is to protect those around you, isn’t it? In other words, you want strength so that you can be close to people. What you’re really interested in is protecting people. Why be embarrassed about that? Why not just make that your ultimate goal?” -Catastrophe at 16, Book 6, Chapter 3, Page 269

As Guren puts it, Shinya wants him to “embrace friendship”. Guren being Guren still thinks that it’s weak for him to want that, but Shinya says one last thing to help hammer home that it’s okay to embrace friendship, and to grow strong for others over anything else.

“You mean if we have patience and stick together, we’ll make it someday?” “Maybe. How would I know?” “Very inspiring.” “But if we’re not close to anybody, I don’t think there’s much point to living. You feel the same way, too, don’t you, Guren? That getting strong just for the sake of it is meaningless? I think the meaning lies in protecting and supporting others... right? You can’t just think about yourself, can you?” -Catastrophe at 16, Book 6, Chapter 3, Page 271

The scene ends with Guren still being on the fence about the idea as a whole, but it’s obvious that Guren accepted this mindset as the rest of Catastrophe at 16 shows this. His advice to Yuu in the extra chapter 4 years later also shows that he did in fact take Shinya’s words to heart, or at the very least, he saw it as a lesson worth passing on.

However, like with Guren and Yuu, it would be far from accurate to say that Shinya is the sole reason that Guren adopted these either of these mindsets. Guren’s other friends were important as well, but really, Guren essentially already believed in these things. He was just in denial due to the likes of Mahiru and Kureto repeatedly showing and saying that frienship made him weak in comparision to them. All Shinya did was put Guren’s ideals into words, and tell him that it was okay to think the ways he suggested. Like Guren did with Yuu, Shinya just pushed Guren in the right direction, which for a character like Guren, who constantly lives in denial about his own feelings and character, is something he needs/needed.

TLDR: The two major lessons we see Guren try to impart to Yuu are lessons that Shinya helped impart to Guren back when they were kids.

And with that said, it all hits a bit differently when you remember Shinya admitted not only to only having a goal in life because he decided to take up Guren’s,

“And did you find the goal you were looking for?” “Nope, but I figured I might as well give protecting my friends a try too.” -Catastrophe at 16, Book 6, Chapter 3, Page 270

but to also having no real reason to live either.

Shinya really was only saying those things for Guren’s benefit. It’s hard to say whether Shinya even believed in some of the stuff he was saying, though it’d be nice to think he did.

[yuraimi-lee-bunny]

Let's get to the point first and then I'll give the important details:

Because of rude and intolerant comments of directly and indirectly way from LiS fandom here in Tumblr (only intolerant and abusive fans of Pricefield and Chloe) I fell into depression for a year and a half

I met the game on February 6, 2015. I immediately loved the game. I could only watch Gameplays. At the same time I was about to finish my Visual Arts career. I was specializing in Illustration and creation, development and character analysis (theory and practice)

At the beginning (between Ep.1 and Ep.3) Pricefield was causing me some pleasure but I also liked Warren, although I defended Warren from the unjustified hate that dome gave him, but I never saw the Grahamfield as an option. But days before Ep.4 some personal things happened to me, and I began to see the Grahamfield with an option, I started to like it more. Ep.4 arrives and besides being my favorite episode, I was happy and surprised that the Grahamfield was a possible option.

Finish the game and although I don't like at all the choice "Sacrifice Arcadia Bay" I had no problem, in the end: everyone their choices. I started showing my Grahamfield works. Sometimes comments came directly and indirectly offending my work. No problem, I could deal with it. But in 2016 began the problem: The attacks on Grahamfield, Warren and those who liked it increased even worse: they attacked those who chose to Sacrifice Chloe. The offenses were of a lot of variety but here are some of the ones I remember:

"You have no heart" "You're a monster", "You're a horrible person" "Surely you're homophobic" "You're a lesphobic" "You didn't understand the game" "You didn't understand Max" "That disgusts your tastes" "If you like such a ship, then fuck you"

In early 2016 I was dealing with many personal, family, professional problems, go to see things about LiS and other things that I liked helped me to reassure me. But that intolerant posts in LiS tags were so massive and consecutive that ended up making me believe them and thus, fall into depression.

I was weak? Maybe. But I hope you understand that everywhere I was going through difficult times, that when I went to see things about LiS it was my way of being able to entertain myself and I hope you also understand, that these people were not entitled to attack people. In 2015 I could deal with it but that 2016 I couldn't because of my own affairs and because the attacks, seriously, were massive. I was no longer happy with my decisions, nor tastes, with anything. I tried everything: to listen to my favorite music, to watch series that motivated me and remembered me my goals and my own being. Met my friendships, my boyfriend. Nothing worked. Everything was getting worse: although I no longer paid attention and stopped going to tags for a while, the damage was already done to me, the doubts grew more and more in me:

"Why do I like grahamfield?" "Why couldn't you like the Pricefield?" "Why do you like Warren?" "Why can't Chloe be your favorite?"

And worse:

"Why do you always like the weirdest thing?" "Why can't you be like the others?" "Why don't you normal?" "Why do I think as I think?" "Why am I this way?" What was I born for? "Why do I exist?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?"

My self-esteem went down a lot, I no longer wanted to draw and I didn't want to get out of bed. Everything looked gray and had attacks of crying. Although my problems had turned out. The depression was already in me. I had to go to the psychologist. I was diagnosed with Social Depression. It wasn't serious, but it had to be treated. I kept going to sessions. My psychologist is a love, I could tell her absolutely everything even if it sounded very absurd but she understood and helped me. My mom, my boyfriend, some friends help me too. Some things I discovered also help: Lukas Graham, Keane, Oxenfree, and more.

Throughout 2016 sometimes I suffered attacks of anxiety, doubts, of crying. It was difficult to deal for me, my mom and my boyfriend. But we don't give up. I didn't give up. I almost broke up with my boyfriend for believing it was a nuisance and weak, but I never did. Unfortunately sometimes looking Pricefield made me nervous and feeling of guilt for not liking Pricefield invaded me very hard. I swear that I tried by many means to like it and become my ship. I never could and currently I can't. I only see them as best friends.

So I drew Grahamfield. In fact, in this long road of recovery, Max and Warren accompanied me a lot, they were the characthers and a ship that helped me a lot in accepting myself as I am and with my tastes and choices. Little by little I was recovering. 2016 wasn't a very pleasant year for me, but still there some good memories of that year. 2017 was a better year. At the beginning of that year I could feel improvements, but sometimes the doubts continued and sometimes I woke up with stomachaches. Monstar Calls, Persona 5, Jughead's Comic, new friendships, and improved more. LiS's fandom was quieter and I drew more Grahanfield. But April was where I found that serie that made me try harder to get up.

Orange is the New Black and Bojack Horseman were those series that I watched in 2016 and helped me a lot to accept my depression, to accept myself, to defend myself and to love myself as I am. But that April 12 2017 I started watching 13 Reasons Why and everything was clearer to me. I know, 13RW is a very controversial series, but it helped me realize many, many things: how lucky I'm to have people around me who love and love me. That I want and I must be strong to protect those I want, to defend myself and demonstrate what I'm capable of achieving. Not giving up. It's worth moving forward. I want to live.

And so, with more strength and enthusiasm I began to overcome my low self-esteem, I began to draw more, to work for a while as a waitress and resume my studies to get my degree. There was only one problem: now I saw Pricefield and I got angry. It reminded me of all the pain I went through in 2016 for those rude people who liked Pricefield and kept attacking you just for liking another ship. But my anger is left just in that: Angry. I swear never, but NEVER come to attack or offend someone because they like Pricefield. I never did and never will.

2017 was a good year, although BTS isn't a game that I like very much, I enjoyed it somehow. My psychologist tells me that I'm much better. For me it meant that I had already overcome my depression. The earthquake of September 19 in 2017 was an event that greatly impacted me. I helped as much as I could, and there I realized that in 2018 I wanted to improve myself more as person. And I did it.

2018 was my best year: I participated in a film with rotoscopie technique called "Olimpia" and it's one of my greatest achievements and I'm proud to have participated in making animation. I did many activities that helped me grow as a person. I kept drawing Grahanfield and now I defended Warren and Grahamfield as I had never done, but this time with evidence. My love for the characters had come back and I had studied the subject more. American Vandal, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Shape of Water also arrived in 2018 and they helped me a lot.

2019 arrives: Carmen Sandiego and The Umbrella Academy get to inspire me professionally. I started a diploma in February of Graphic Novel to get my Bachelor's degree. I did it. I finished in August and this November they gave it to me. I'm already licensed. I've been calmly reading the LiS comic. Seeing things about Pricefield no longer fill me with anxiety. I absolutely feel good and happy with my tastes within the fandom of LiS.

In these days I have thought about my whole process. OITNB ended this year, next year ends Bojack Horseman and 13 Reasons Why. Those 3 series with their recent seasons have made me see that I must close a cycle. And that's why I count all this.

I tell my story as proof of how much the toxic side of the LiS fandom damaged me. That although everything remains calm sometimes, there are still people like that I managed to get ahead, and I hope that someone inside the fandom hasn't suffered something similar or worse. And still, to those people who damaged me only one thing I can say:

Thank you.

Thank you for your fatal acts, because even they have damaged me and brought me into depression, it caused me to get the best out of myself and show myself that I can be stronger.

I love Grahamfield, Max and Warren separately. These characters and ship aren't only that, they're my recovery symbol and reminder of loving me as I am. They mean to me a lot. They grew and healed with me. I appreciate these two separately and together. I never hated Chloe. She isn't my favorite but I appreciate her a lot, I recognize her flaws, and I still appreciate her. Chloe and me have things in common. But in truth: you don't know how much I identify with Max and Warren, that's how it was since I met the game.

I'm glad to notice my years of progress. But I also want to apologize if at some point I became rude for defending Warren and/or Grahamfield. Now I hope you understand where my courage and my insistence to defend it came from.

I also want to make it clear that I don't blame Pricefield or anyone who likes this ship or Chloe. But I want to prove that attacking someone just because doesn't like your ship isn't fine. You don't know what is happening to that person. Judging someone just for a taste is neither good nor kind. You don't know how much a characther/ship can mean for that person. Notice to what degree can damage their fanaticism that reaches the degree of intolerance. I also want to clarify that it isn't bad that someone doesn't like Warren and Grahamfield. What is wrong is that some don't understand that everyone likes. That understand that not everyone will like the same thing and they will not see it in the same way.

Everyone is a world. Everyone has their own worldview. Not because someone is different from you and doesn't like the same as you, it gives you the right to judge it as trahs and treat it as trahs.

Treat people as you would like to be treated.

I'm glad that in these 4 years that I like LiS I have found people who are still kind to me and others, and who respect each other's tastes and decisions. Both on Twitter, IG and here I have found friendly and fun people and I really appreciate them. They were a great help of my recovery. Really, thank you very much guys. Believe me that sharing the same taste for LiS but each one having different taste, still treating each other well and in a friendly way, helped me a lot and I'm very grateful. I will continue to like everything about LiS and LiS2. I will continue to draw about it and I will love to find friendships that also like LiS. Count on me when you need anything. LiS is still something important in my life, it helped me a lot to grow in several aspects. But I also won't let anyone keep offending/attacking someone else in the fandom if that person isn't hurting anyone. Respect and Tolerance among all please.

If you have read all this, you don't know how much I appreciate it. I hope this helps someone to reflect on our way of living, communicating, understanding and tolerating each other. I'm already very well, more than good.

I love myself.

Please love yourself.

You can do it!

[kindcstguardian]

MISC.

i. / basics.

Name. Lynn Darcy. Nicknames. Troublemaker, sweetie, Candy Birthday. Age. 17-23 years old. Nationality. French. Languages. French, English &&. Spanish. Gender. Cis female. Sexuality. Bisexual. Status. Single. Occupation. Student &&. part-time worker in Cosy Bear Café. Speciality. Finding solutions to problems that aren’t hers and, instead, causing them in her own. Hobbies. Jogging, boxing, taking care of plants, ocasionally playing basketball.

ii. / physical.

Height. 160cm / 5′ 3″ Weight. 50kg / 110 lb Hair color. Brown. Eye color. Green. Blood type. O + Appearance. A petite female with a slightly built body  ( at the moment due her newfound interesting in boxing ).  Long hair naturally straight with chocolate brown pigment alongside green eyes.

VERSES.

Main verse. TAG.  「 MAIN ／ Lynn 」

Highschool student, 17 years old.  As a transfer student, she is a bit clueless and lost at the beggining. However, she quickly got used to the institute and learnt every little secret of it. Still, this does not apply to actual people. Lynn does have a lot of friends, though, and is quite close to Kim due having her as lab partner in Chemistry. But she doesn’t get along with Amber, Capuccine, Li or Charlotte. Peggy is on thin ice. Ah but, ever so caring Lynn — she can’t help but always want to help everyone.

MCLUL verse. TAG.  「 SECOND MAIN   ／ Lynn 」

College student, 23 years old. Canon divergent.  Mostly based on what’s taking place in the canon of My Candy Love University Life — except that Lynn never cut ties with all friends and kept in touch with Kentin alone, she still has a hopeless crush on Nathaniel but hasn’t gotten herself involved with anyone, keeping everysingle friend at arm length. So, no route Lynn?

Third main verse. / A different outcome TAG. 「 THIRD MAIN ／ Lynn 」

College student, part-time worker in Kentin’s bakery, 23 year old.  She didn’t want to be bossed around by her parents, neither leaving the city she grew to love. In fact, she wanted her freedom but Lynn wasn’t having it so easy.   From a side, her parents had stood their ground but so she did, fully determinated to stay. They all bickered and argued, raising their tone than trying to find a solution — that was, until Aunt Agatha got in the middle and decided to take care of the situation.   After much talking and convincing, she persuaded Lucia and Philip. Thus, leading Lynn to win only one obstacle from the many that would appear in her road.   Happily that she got to stay rather than losing all connections, she first started to help Kentin before deciding what she wanted to do with her future.

Fourth main verse. / What if? TAG. 「 FOURTH MAIN ／ Lynn 」

Highschool student, 17 years old.  So what if she could see the relationship stats that she had with other people? Like, a visual novel game? Well, that was about it! It was strange but she could not see options at all, she had free speech ( thankfully ) which allowed her faster to either improve or fuck up further her relationships.

Persona 5 verse. TAG. 「P5 ／ Lynn」

Highschool transfer student, Star, 17 years old.   ‘ You have truly made me wait, I am known for being impatient, ma fille, but I will allow it this time ’ , the brunette fell to knees, holding her head while she screamed in utter pain, tears rolling down her cheeks while her eyes were shut, trying to somehow make the pain bereable. All background noise was blocked, overpowered by a female voice inside her mind. ’ You have always clenched your fists and withdrawn for the fight, doing little to nothing. Finally, you have grown tired; let us form a pact, shall we? ’.     The voice was right, Lynn had enough. Taking blow after blow, being ridiculized, embarrassed and tossed aside — being the stepping stone others needed to feel superior while she put on a show, the happy pierrot that everyone relied onto but whom never spoke a single struggle. It was time for her to realize her own worth and speak her mind, yell to the four winds her heart’s desires; to defend and attack instead of being a mere broken shield.   ’ I am thou, thou art I we cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire! They can bind our body and tie our hands but nothing can be done nor can shatter our will! ’, the hands that once had been holding her head were now on the floor underneath her, helping her to push herself up slowly — green hues had turned yellow and filled with such aggresive determination that she had never felt before. Straightening her back, her right hand placed itself before the mask that had manifested to existence, gripping it hard, she pulled away at once — blood running down her eyes.   “ We shall show them what we are made of, come to me Amantine! ”

Eldarya verse TAG. 「Eldarya ／ Lynn 」

College student, 23 years old. Absynthe Garde / Alchemist.  As a descendant of a human, her father Philip, and a fairy, her mother Lucia, Lynn is a faerie. However, she was never told about the truth and because of her clueless nature, she never suspected anything weird  ( not even when her aunt would show up in particular clothes which she lied that it was part of her job as a dentist not to scare children, including wings on her back as part of the costume ).  Which is precisely how she stepped in the thin line of human world and magic world, the blindfold had been finally removed. Currently stuck in Eldarya and unable to return nor communicate with her parents, Lynn spends her days working to win the meal of the day alongside an elf named Ezarel as an assistant for the potions he needs to create, but mostly errand girl: running here and there to provide everything on time.

Mystic Messenger. / MC1. TAG. 「MysMe ／ Lynn 」

College student, 23 years old.   Actually, Lynn isn’t sure how she found herself in Korea. Mostly, trying to be a good friend for Hyun and be his emotional support friend when he needed one given his grandfather had gotten terribly ill and chances were… No, no. She shouldn’t focus there. In fact, she should focus on finding the place her friend had indicated that both were staying at — yet, things rarely go as planned. Sometimes, the female felt that she was a magnet to problems. A message, an adress and a distressed person were the formula to lure her towards an unknown appartment in which she ended up locked. Stuck in a position of party hoster of sorts, Lynn Darcy chose not to fight her fate and assume her role. Kim Yoosung, Kang Jaehee, Hyun Ryu, Han Jumin and Choi Luciel needed her, after all. And God knows how big her heart is to leave without providing the needed help.

Shall we date? Destiny Ninja 2 + TAG. 「Destiny Ninja 2 +／ Lynn 」

Living in the Spring Village has been a wonderful experience since she can recall, to wake up everyday and see how flowers would blossom — new ones that would arrive because of the ocasional windy days and carry along new seeds for the view to change, take different shape and colors. Yet that lovely experience started to come to an end when the Yamato Island began to get corrupted. Was the story they told her as kids to make her fear true? All Lynn can do is pray and keep up with her training; she might not be an expert, but basic defense moves could safe her. Besides, her father had always taught her how to use a gun since possessing a sword was more of an honor, a lifestyle.

Shall we date? Blood in roses + TAG. 「Blood in roses ／ Lynn 」

It was a poor idea for a human to wander into a castle, but after having lost her family, the brunette found no better choice than try to find a temporal refugee. Much to her horror, it turned out to be the rumored Hotel Libra Sincera — unable to return nor escape because she had nowhere to go, she decided to step inside that place.   Truthfully, Lynn never thought she would use a Humphrey’s bottle of False Mist that her mother had bought to her at age nine in case something bad would happen to them. It was easy to forget about it but Lucia has insisted for Lynn to carry it at all times; and now, she could finally use it.

Wizardess heart + TAG. 「Wizardess heart + ／ Lynn 」

Student &&. buddyless, 17 years old, spellsinger. TBA.

Ephemeral: Residents in the dark. TAG. 「Ephemeral ／ 010」

Student, 120 years old, half-breed.   A lovechild from a vampire and a human, a horrible sin for all creatures that should have been killed hasn’t been that she was born with the strongest gen as expected, which is the single reason she had managed to survive thus far in the world were ranks meant everything.   However, her mother had been murdered by other humans as soon as it was discovered that there were vampires within their world — Philippe had returned with shame and head hung low back to his family. Forced into a marriage with another woman, a mermaid that grew to terribly hate Lynn going as far as to dig her nails into Lynn’s wrists due being young and beautiful.   To say Lynn was grateful to being accepted into that prestigious institution wasn’t enough, she decided to stay and live there. Refusing to return to a place where her stepmother wanted her head in a spike — yet, her secret keeps her awake at night, what would happen if she was discovered?

ANIMAL.

Main verse.

TAG. 

23 years old. WIP. 

Aggrestuko verse./ Publishing department. TAG. 

Office lady, 24 years old. Lynn Darcy had studied art history, however, she did not find many jobs suitable for that and ended up undergoing trainment to become a ‘desk person'—work in an office and fall into a comfortable routine for another year and a half.

TAGS.

「 Lynn Darcy   ／   𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓭𝔂 ┊ swcctlcve 」

「 Lynn Darcy ／ INQUIRY」

「 Lynn Darcy ／ MUSINGS 」

「 Lynn Darcy ／ VISAGE 」

「 Lynn Darcy ／ MANNERISMS 」

「 Lynn Darcy ／ INTROSPECTION」

「 Lynn Darcy ／ ROMANCE 」

「 Lynn Darcy ／ CRACK 」

RELATIONSHIPS.

DISCLAIMER.  I will not ship with the same character more than once unless my partner tells me they will no longer write said character and, therefore, the ship spot is free again. Please, do not force the issue.   001. Will you have exclusives?   If my partner and I discuss it before hand, then yes.   002. Will you have mains?   This will be more popular but yes, I will have limit of three mains.

KENTIN BRONSWORTH. ROMANTIC TAG.  ✘ · Kentin Bronsworth ♡（ ᵒᵘʳ ʰᵉᵃʳᵗˢ ᵇᵉᵃᵗⁱⁿᵍ ᵃˢ ᵒⁿᵉ ᵃᵗ ˡᵃˢᵗ ⁻ ⁱ'ᵐ ˢᵒʳʳʸ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵃⁱᵗ ） FRIENDSHIP TAG.  kcntin ; ʜᴏᴘᴇ（ φιλíα ） ABOUT.

RAVEN KENDALL. ROMANTIC TAG.  ✘ · Raven Kendall ♡「 ᴵᶠ ᴵ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵗᵉˡˡ ʰᵉʳ ʰᵒʷ ˢʰᵉ'ˢ ᵉᵛᵉʳʸᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉ ᵇᵘᵗ ʷᵉ'ʳᵉ ᵃ ᵐⁱˡˡⁱᵒⁿ ʷᵒʳˡᵈˢ ᵃᵖᵃʳᵗ」 FRIENDSHIP TAG. ABOUT.

HAIDA HYENA. ROMANTIC TAG.  ✘ · Haida Hyena ♡「 ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ⁱᶠ ʸᵒᵘ ᶠᵃˡˡ ᴵ ʷⁱˡˡ ᵇᵉ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵃᵗᶜʰ ʸᵒᵘ ／ starryburglar 」 FRIENDSHIP TAG. ABOUT.

✘ ·   ♡（ ）

✘ ·  ♡（  ）

[roxannepolice]

Rey of Jakku – The Heroine of Our Time

I have a confession to make. Back in the pre-TLJ times I was a very naive Star Wars viewer. I was so blind I can’t believe I’m writing a Baudrillard-inspired meta on it now. And yes, that means I thought Rey will have a celibate hero’s journey. Partly because as a 5 year old I had a platonic crush on Luke and wanted to be like him, so Rey seemed like an excellent self-insert for that girl. I’ll say more, I believed in ReySky. I was even pointing out that Daisy Ridley has a similar face shape as Natalie Portman. But please don’t be harsh with me, I rooted for bendemption from day one. Anyway, foolish me...

Because it should have been obvious that Rey has a heroine’s journey from TFA, even if it was a good simulacrum of Luke’s hero’s journey at first. From the first, she’s running around doing the equivalent of slaying monsters in hero’s journey – breathing life back into everything, from the Millenium Falcon, through HanLeia’s marriage, Luke’s legend, to decimated Resistance and Kylo Ben’s pectorals in the future. I could talk for hours about Rey, the heroine for the third wave of feminism, one giving value to traditionally feminine traits rather than letting women be men and the very fact that hers is a heroine’s journey shows collective unconscious is far from being infertile.

But it was Rey Nobody that truly had my cultural sociologist’s heart. Because this here, this person who comes from nothing, is nothing, has no place in the history – that’s the heroine of our postmodernist times.

One of the most frequently pointed out differences between postmodernity and modernity is freedom from social structures the former gives. We are no longer predetermined by our birth, gender, skin colour, religion, nation, we can chose whatever we want to be (that is, this here is an “ideal state” of postmodernity, obviously things aren’t so rosy and there’s a strong pull against that freedom now... that I’m about to touch upon). Now, that freedom is a great thing. But it didn’t come without a price. That freedom is a responsibility. We are fully responsible for of our lives, there is no given answer to our questions, we must determine who we are. There are so many options available, we can’t even decide where to start trying them.

We’re nothing. We have no place in the story predetermined by our parents. There is no axis mundi, nothing we can take for granted about our lives, no elders to arrange our marriage, no family business to inherit, no culture to be proud of, no religion to tell us right from wrong. Now, as I said, this is the “ideal” postmodernity, or I would even say “radical” postmodernity, not necessarily visible yet. This leads to the order of simulacra, which deny the existence of meaning. Marriage is just a business arrangement (something something patriarchalism something something), religion is just fairy tales (opium something something masses), culture just an illusion. All that matters is the tangible here and now. Try to make it fun.

Simulacra are tempting. They give you all the wisdom of nonexistence of answers. They’re an empty throne waiting for you to kill your meaning and grasp it. Or impressively pectoraled galactic emperor stretching his hand out to you asking you to abandon your fake hopes and accept him for a person you fell in love with. That’s all there is to love, you know.

But the meaning rebels. People do fall in love (in all gender combinations) and if there’s an institution making life of people who want to live together easier, what’s wrong with it? People need moral guidance, and if there are thought systems providing it, what’s wrong with them provided they do actually provide moral guidance? Yes, a painting is an illusion created by colour patches – an esthetical experience is not.

Just as Rey isn’t nobody. She has her moral sense, people and ideals she cares about, her abilities (force related and other) – and that’s what will define her place in the story. Just as there is an answer to “who am I” more and more people ask themselves in a world undefined by birth.

Post-TFA expectations regarding Rey are excellent cases for the study of postmodernist collective unconscious. There is of course the one saying she can’t fall in love because she’s a strong female character in a saga about family. Now, this does make sense if you believe marriage is an instrument of patriarchal domination over women – which it undeniably has been used as – and not a bond between people allowing them to form, you know, families. On the other hand, compulsive clinging to ReySky, Kenobi or whatever – and I say compulsive clinging, because that’s what it is for many people – well, that’s the expression of ontological insecurity postmodernity gives people. In so many uncertainties it’s difficult to find or create some stable island on which to build our microcosms. Simulacra and fundamentalisms offer the simplest answers in this dire situation.

Simulacra are temptingly easy, but so is curling up in misunderstood structures to be defended at all costs. That’s the jedi tree if you like. There was nothing wrong with that tree, but Luke cared more about the tree than actually reading and thinking about the sacred texts. And so the tree had to burn to reveal its own emptiness. That’s Luke lying about the dolorous night, because how could Rey (and more importantly he) possibly reconcile the truth with the ideal? Rey didn’t seem to have a problem with reconciling them, Luke eventually did so too, but dudebros seem to have a hard time six months later.

The most difficult questions (ones concerning identity and morality) aren’t simply called difficult only are difficult because the answer is neither set in stone nor nonexistent.

Now, it is important to note that Rey herself build her world on a lie. Worse, she built her world on denial, which is a difference between her and Luke in ot, who was told a lie about his father and had no reason to believe otherwise. Making compulsive denial an axis mundi isn’t a good idea, it’s not finding a meaning, it’s taking a symbol and projecting upon it your desired meaning. Many people think, more, the junior novelization says (I’d argue the junior novelization has a habit of jumping between objective all knowing and subjective unreliable narrators), that Rey kept up hope for her parents, but I’d say it wasn’t hope. It was fear. Hope would be if she sought every way to get out of Jakku and search for informations about them. Fear was staying on Jakku knowing the informations are nothing she wants to hear. And axis mundi of denial can be easily destroyed, taking the whole world along with it. I know it could be argued that all that matters are the results, but that’s denial of importance of ideals, whose influence on our lives isn’t only on the practical level. Rey is truly an unbelievably strong person to not  crumble down immediately, but she also had no time to reflect over the situation. The audience had. And judging by their reactions I make a prediction that....

Rey’s parents will return

I hope that had the trolling impact I intended.

What I mean is that their subject will return. To drop it now would be to deny the harm they did to Rey’s psyche, even if she patched the wound up. More exactly, the subject of her belonging will return. Rey’s current stance was built on a lie and so far nothing good resulted out of building worlds on lies in the GFFA: all the far reaching consequences of denying that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader were one person are the best example. The destruction of Rey’s axis mundi may have, I think, three resolutions:

a symbolic one. Ritualistic if you like. She can simply return to Jakku, find their graves and yell at them, even if ending on a forgiving note. Influence of symbols and rituals is not to be denied. She admits she lied to herself, they were garbage and wasted 19 years of her life. But admits it out loud. That could be it. In fact, that would be the healthiest thing to do, just as a projection to fight was the healthiest thing Luke could offer Ben. But t’is a space drama, healthy things are rarely the most exciting ones to happen. So

she rejects all belonging, particularly the familial one with Ben. That’s what I think the more “feminist” viewers believe she did at the end of TLJ. She held out fake hope twice, once towards her parents and a second time towards Ben, she got burnt both times, now she’ll know better. The rub in this take is of course thinking what Rey held out towards her parents was hope – as I pointed out, it was fear. One could argue she went to Ben out of fear, too – because she was afraid of being the protagonist of her own story. And it’s true, but it’s also a rethorical manoeuvre because fear of being a protagonist and hope for him are two separate things and she felt them both. And remember what I said about simulacra being as tempting as an empty throne? Because doing so she would act exactly like Kylo Ben, run away from her problems rather than face them (TBH, this is what I think she wants to do right now, judging by aggressively wanting to be alone with the jedi texts in the Poe comics. And it’s understandable, but she can’t keep on doing so for two years with no consequences.) A more extreme parallel to his mistake would be that

she is offered a fake belonging. And accepts it. Trauma is severe, she’ll accept anything to be free of the pain. That’s frankly speaking what I consider the likeliest scenario or at least the most dramatic. Twice had she resisted a temptation and chosen hope (not selling BB-8, yes it was a decision of hope what other reason did she have to believe BB-8’s owner will appear?, and not accepting Kylo Ben as he is now), third time she’ll fall. This would be especially poetic if paired with Kylo Ben who twice gave in to the temptation and chosen despair (assuming Luke would actually kill him and grasping power to destroy his past; I wouldn’t include killing Han here because then he was tempted but by hope), choosing hope the third time, probably after coup. That’s where I see dark!Rey happening. I can’t shake this feeling that with all the prime jedi and yin yang symbolisms happening in this trilogy Rey and Ben as avatars of light and dark side are heading for something like two massive powers gravitating towards each other at speed so great that upon collision they first exchange places on a small amplitude before coalescing *cough* in the middle. And what would that fake belonging be? Well, Resistance. This is what so much of audience believes right now, that she has found her belonging there, more, that she should accept that as her right belonging, that it seems possible to me that with pushing the simulacra until meaning rebels going on in this trilogy, this is what Rey will try to do. But the Resistance are now just simulacrum of the good guys, and should they not live up to the symbol, they will take her along with them.

I probably shouldn’t enjoy the angst so much

I would argue that most viewers get an intuitive understanding that something is yet to emerge regarding Rey’s parents, because something in us rebels at the thought that Disney-LF would basically say “when in doubt, kids – lie to yourselves! just remember to make it a pleasant lie and you’re all gonna end up just fine”. So the first inclination is to believe Rey’s fears will turn out to be wrong hopes will turn out to be right – her parents were in fact awesome people and Kylo Ben is either lying or misunderstood what he saw in her memories. The former makes little sense because takes away from Rey her narrative power of a postmodern heroine with no preestablished position. The former – because it takes away the terrible disambiguation of truth embodied by Kylo Ben.

[mllemaenad]

Personally... I feel that WEaWH tries to remove itself from TME because it realizes that TME is fucking irredeemable garbage, and tries to make its WLW representation less appalling. So I'm entirely willing to overlook continuity errors for the sake of one relationship between women in the entire series that can go well.

I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that. I’m not going to argue with you on the merits of The Masked Empire, as you’re entitled to like or dislike any media you choose, but I don’t think Bioware is trying to distance itself from the novel. I also don’t think their motive is positive representation, or that they’re seriously suggesting a happy ending. However, even if they were I would call the choice to reunite Celene and Briala without any serious examination of the issues that drove them apart … disquieting.

1) On distancing themselves from the novel.

To begin with the obvious, several of the Dragon Age novels provide not only context for the quests in Inquisition, but also promotional material maintaining audience interest between games.

It’s hardly an accident that Asunder is a prequel to In Hushed Whispers/Champions of the Just, The Masked Empire is a prequel to Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts (as well as giving you a roundabout introduction to Solas) and Last Flight provides you with some context on why Weisshaupt is just no help at all during Here Lies the Abyss.

They do kind of want you to buy all their stuff. And if you started with Inquisition and liked what you saw, they want you to run back and buy all the earlier stuff for context. Video game tie-in novels aren’t generally considered high art, so they’d need serious reasons to want to reject the novel as part of their canon. Just in case, I checked The Masked Empire’s Amazon page, and it’s currently got 4.4 stars – so it doesn’t look like something they’d be particularly desperate to ignore. They’d rather you bought it and gave them money.

To move more to the specific, the game references the novel constantly. In addition to devoting a whole main quest to resolving its plot, it also includes cameos from Mihris, Michel and Imshael, which really serve no other purpose than to provide a bit of closure to the people who read the novel and wondered what became of them. This is actually more than it provides for, say, the characters of Asunder: Rhys and Evangeline appear only in a war table mission, Adrian doesn’t appear at all – and who knows where Shale has wandered off to.

It also references the murder of Briala’s parents directly:

Cole: She’s still behind the curtains in the reading room, watching the blood pool on the floor.

Briala pulled the red velvet curtain aside. Her hands shook as she did. There was a pool of red on the floor of the reading room, staining the rich Nevarran carpet. It had spread almost to the curtain.

At the other end of the pool were Briala’s parents.

– The Masked Empire

If they really wanted to distance themselves from The Masked Empire, they wouldn’t put that in there. If they wanted to say that that this didn’t happen, they’d have retconned the story – or at the very least not mentioned it.

In fact, the choice of words is particularly distressing. Cole senses pain. When he says Briala is ‘still behind the curtains’ he’s emphasising that the trauma and anguish are still very much with her, making a reconciliation, particularly a reconciliation that utterly fails to address a thing that they have confirmed happened, even stranger.

 I would say that one motive for their choice to reconcile the two characters is simplicity. I like parts of Inquisition, but honestly it’s over ambitious. They set up a series of continent-wide catastrophes, each one intensely political: the mage rebellion, the Orlesian civil war, the collapse of the Chantry.

Each one probably requires its own game for a satisfactory solution. I realise they were probably going for something similar to the galaxy-wide political collapse in Mass Effect 3, but the Dragon Age games are at a serious disadvantage because they lack continuity of characters.

Mass Effect 3 had its own problems, of course, but for example – I think most people have fun curing the genophage for the krogan. But what they remember is Mordin Solus and ‘There’s a reaper in my way, Wrex!’ When it worked it was able to build on characters who were present across the series.

Inquisition is faced with trying to find resolutions for groups of people that have no direct connection to each other, and whom the protagonist has never seen before (even if they player has). This is hardly the only time their attempt to fix everything in a single quest ends up making no sense.

2) On positive representation

I’m afraid I don’t think what we get in Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts is especially positive. I think it’s … kind of infantilising, really, and has a whiff of sexism about it. I mean – again, I’m not asking you to like The Masked Empire. But this:

“It would have been a locked suite in the palace for a few years, nothing more!” Celene kept her voice low, aware that Michel and Felassan had stopped planning and were looking their way. “It would have changed nothing for us.”

“Your hair still stinks of the smoke from the people you burned,” Briala said. “That is a change.”

The dead leaves crackled under Celene’s feet as she stepped forward. “How many wars can our empire survive in such a short time? I wanted my legacy to be the university, the beauty and culture that made us the envy of the world. Instead I may be known as the empress under whom Orlais fell. You have the luxury of mourning Halamshiral’s elves and holding my heart hostage. Sitting on my throne, I see every city in the empire. If I must burn one to save the rest, I will weep, but I will light the torch.”

Briala swallowed. “You’re not weeping, as far as I can tell. Nor are you sitting on your throne. She stepped away, her movements fast and jerky. “With your permission, Your Radiance, I shall go indulge myself in my luxury.”

– The Masked Empire

… is at least an argument between adults, with the details of what they believe laid out. Celene honestly believes that the empire and her legacy are worth 'a few thousand elven lives’: she believes that maintaining the strength of Orlais is worth thousands of lives in sacrifice, as is the vision she has for the country’s future. Briala is facing up to the fact that this is the bargain she’s made: stay with Celene and she might see an elven scholar graduate from the university – but she’ll likely also see elves burn every time there’s a crisis, because elves are the most expendable people in the empire.

Briala wavers throughout the novel, obviously, because there is genuine feeling between herself and Celene. But the discovery that this has all happened before, that this is not the first time Celene has shed elven blood to impress her rivals and gain power, and that her own parents were among the victims, brings her to a decision.

You don’t have to like it, but these women are serious about what they want and believe.

But in Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts we get stuff like this:

Sera: Elves-elves-elves, but it’s really a pissing match with an old lover. Don’t know the rest but that explains a lot.

It’s hardly coincidental that they chose Sera to say this. Sera the commoner, who despises the nobility. Sera the Red Jenny, with contacts in every corner of Thedas. True, Sera’s background has led her to reject a lot of elven culture, but her biggest objection is usually to ‘moping’ about the past. This:

Briala thought for a moment. “Celene and Gaspard saw an army, but that would be fighting their fight. With the paths, I could get food to alienages where elves would otherwise starve. They would let me move ahead of an oncoming army and warn the target, or move behind them and attack their supply lines.”

– The Masked Empire

… sounds more like the practical stuff she favours: she’s said getting revenge would be a preferable option, and this is getting food to the poor, terrorising the nobility and giving little people a shot at being part of something bigger. But now we can’t take it seriously, because Sera has reduced it to a lovers’ tiff.

That isn’t meant as a criticism of Sera, to be clear. They do this when they want a mouthpiece. This is the equivalent of having Cole approve of Cullen.

And as for it going well, this is their epilogue slide:

Where once war raged, there is now a shaky peace. Orlais is resurgent, the empress a patron of arts and culture.

Many attribute this recovery to her lady love, though others wonder how long their reunion will truly last.

– Epilogue (Inquisition)

I mean – maybe they’ll forget about this. They have been known to forget their epilogue slides. But it doesn’t read as though the intent was to write a strong and loving partnership. Rather it looks as though they are selling the relationship as tempestuous.

That’s one place where I am very uncomfortable. This is the revolt of an oppressed people, and the politics an empire. And there’s a sense that they’re saying ‘Oh, those women and their emotions! Today they love each other; tomorrow they’ll hate each other; the day after they’ll probably love each other again. You never know, with women.’

I appreciate that Bioware is fairly progressive, for a game company: the character choices, the romance options, the NPCs – they are trying to represent a variety of races, genders and sexualities. But it doesn’t mean they never fuck up. I mean, there’s a bit in Mark of the Assassin where Isabela tells Hawke that Gamlen has been sexually harassing her and two responses blame her (You find something inappropriate?/Break him. And wear pants.).

Given that they are already struggling to resolve a massive plotline in a ridiculous amount of time, I’m not surprised they fell back on this. It’s narrative shorthand, and that can be handy for desperate situations. But it’s still sexist shorthand, and I very much wish they hadn’t done it.

3) Removing The Masked Empire from the equation doesn’t solve the problem

I mean, it makes some of the bigger issues like Briala’s dead parents a little easier to miss, sure, but it doesn’t make the problems go away.

I appreciate that representation is important. I do. But romantic relationships between women are not the only representation issue at stake, here. There’s no single source for the elven people, of course, but it’s easy enough to see that Bioware has borrowed from the experiences of Jewish, Romani and aboriginal peoples living under empires and/or colonialism.

And have we ever established that it is shit to be an elf. The city elf origin story in Origins is an abduction/rape/murder combo. The Dalish clans in Origins and DA2 can be slaughtered. It’s terrifyingly easy to kill off clan Lavellan in war table missions, and even though this is the protagonist’s family the game doesn’t make a thing of it. There’s a whole side quest in DA2 about a serial killer who targets elves, and who keeps getting away with it because no one gives a shit. We are up to our eyeballs in codex entries on the treatment of elves.

And here we have Briala, the leader of a rebellion in Orlais – one of the nations best known for oppressing the fuck out of the elves and trying to destroy their culture.

Even without The Masked Empire this is:

a) providing only the most minimal description of the nature of her rebellion and what she hopes to achieve.

b)allowing her to be dismissed as primarily involved in a lovers’ tiff.

c) pairing her with a woman the game actually says massacred the Halamshiral elves.

d) using the massacre as evidence against her because she was sleeping with Celene, rather than as evidence against the woman who actually committed it.

That’s … all pretty shitty, even at the simplest level. The game doesn’t address any of this. It doesn’t even force the characters to discuss what happened before throwing them back together. It spends as much time tsking at Briala for destabilising Orlais as it does Celene and Gaspard. It loves the idea that they’re all as bad as each other – which allows the player to justify just about any ending.

And this is a thing they do repeatedly: they tsk at the mage rebellion as well. They seem to be very good at describing the sufferings of the elves, the mages, the casteless dwarves … but don’t approve of them actually doing anything about their oppression. At least not anything more forceful than writing a stern letter of complaint (for those lucky literate characters!) to the local lord or revered mother.

And so minimising the problems of Celene and Briala’s relationship, and waving a locket around (which, even out of context, does not seem like a forceful enough declaration of love to startle Briala) does … not strike me as very respectful of peoples who have suffered under empires, and who have had to fight tooth and nail for every sliver of justice.

It’s not that I want to exclude a healthy, positive romance between two women in order to have Awesome Revolutionary Briala. I just don’t understand why we couldn’t have both.

Couldn’t Briala show up with a new girlfriend? Do it properly: give her a codex entry and make her active and important in the quest. Show the two of them both being affectionate and working together for the cause. Make sure that at least some of the possible quest endings leave them alive, together and continuing to better the lot of the elves.

I can understand that you may not like The Masked Empire and may want to exclude it from your personal headcanon. That’s absolutely fine, obviously. But I do not believe that was Bioware’s intent in writing the the Briala-and-Celene reconciliation, and I still have serious issues with it.

[orgonetea]

Nocturnal Animals Film Review

Never, have I seen a more haunting depiction of the psychological perils of romance, and subsequently, malevolent revenge. I would wholeheartedly encourage viewing this film before reading my review.

Nocturnal Animals is the glamorous noir-thriller by the previous Creative Director for Gucci; Tom Ford. Adapted from the 1993 novel ‘Tony and Susan’ By Austin Wright, Nocturnal Animals is a highly stylized and alluring peek into the world of the a wealthy gallery owner; Susan Morrow. It explores the delicacy of human relationships against the test of time and the blurred line between revenge and redemption spectacularly. The film depicts 3 almost separate story lines that are perfectly woven into the present narrative and reality of Susan’s current conflictions. In the present, Susan has a newly-opened art gallery and ears ringing from praise from her fellow peers. As we are introduced to the protagonist, we become more aware of her misery, and subsequent contempt for this feeling because of her recognised position of privilege. When her cheating husband goes away on another ‘business’ trip, Susan receives a manuscript in the post of an upcoming novel by her estranged first husband Edward Sheffield, which is appropriately dedicated and revealed to be titled after his nickname for her; ‘Nocturnal Animals’. The book is a violent portrayal of a road-trip gone wrong, and a life of guilt and hopeful revenge from the father Tony. Beguiled, she spends her whole weekend tossing and turning through its pages. As she delves deeper into the book, Susan unlocks memories of her previous life with Edward, and we watch her, surrounded by her life of comfortability, become mesmerized by her own melancholy and regret for her past actions and current situation.

Ford does an exceptional job of enthralling us into the depression of our protagonist by subsciously giving the audience the impression that everything we witness in frame; directly correlates to the reality of Susan’s present experience and state of mind. The tension created in the beginning scene of the book, where Tony and his family set off on the highway of Texas (a shot that reminds me a lot of Lynch’s ‘Lost Highway’), and become confronted with fear of the unpredictability of three drunk troublemakers, is perfectly executed by the fast paced editing and uncomfortably close shots that mirror the nervousness of Tony and his family. As the tension increases, the length of the shots decrease into a frantic jump from one angle to the next as these young men take it upon themselves to terrorize the family. When Tony gets caught up in a scuffle with the main perpetrator Ray, the camera shakes as if we are experiencing it with them; the audience are not meant to be just bystanders to this story. When the mother and daughter are seen being driven away by these tormenting nocturnal animals, the frame cuts to a close up of Susan’s damp, furrowed forehead, and this is the first obvious indicator that we are living what is going on with her, and not just observing. Every scene gives the impression that something is looming over us (us meaning the viewer and Susan). Another brilliant cinematic illustration of the symbiotic relationship between Susan and the book is when the fate of the mother and child is revealed to us on a striking, bright red sofa surrounded by the dirt and dust of a seemingly abandoned patch of the desert someone once called home. We see this sofa again later in film, where Susan tells Edward that she became bored whilst reading something he had wrote for her. She tells him that he should write about something other than himself; the irony! Who can create something if it doesn’t come from their own personal experience of the world around them? Here we realise that Edward is the romantic idealist, who encourages Susan to pursue a career as an artist, but as we know from her present life, she is bogged down by her own cynicism and pragmatic approach to the art world, and so, becomes a curator instead. She lies awake in bed, we feel her longing and emptiness as she stares into oblivion; only depressed people spend their time absorbed in living out their past life. The green car that Ray and his friends torment Tony’s family in, is also seen in the background when Susan breaks Tony’s heart, saying she does not wish to be with him anymore. Ford is not very subtle with his symbolism, this is superb in making Susan’s perception - and therefore the film-  become a lot more accessible for viewers as it allows us to become more involved in what is going on. These symbols hide in plain sight, which is a reflection of what Susan is doing with her dissatisfaction towards the life she foolish thought would satisfy her more than what she had.

Another startling element that brings this film alive is its eerily poetic colour palette. It is one of the first films that I truly felt my emotions influenced by its dramatic hues. Susan’s world is extremely cold; all the light seems very unnatural and white; this effect makes everyone seem washed out and even frosty in their manner. The modern world is dramaticized; a sleek, futuristic almost black mirror-esque type of elite subculture tucked away in the pristine and intimidatingly white walls of art galleries. It is almost too surreal for us to get our heads around, as it doesn’t feel like it fits into the film at all. I have heard critizations of Ford for this, but I on the contrary believe it fits perfectly into the film as it reflects Susan’s perception of this bubble; it all feeling rather alien and untouchable. The same could be said for the opening scene; as we watch women with an excessive amount of saggy skin prance around, at first glance it has nothing to do with the narrative of the film. But as it turns out, this is the only remote sense of happiness we see in the film (apart from Susan’s earlier memories of Edward) because these women are truly free; free to be themselves and untouched by societal expectations. I believe this is why Susan chose these pieces to open her gallery; on one hand to mock the consumerist culture she herself is guilty of indulging in, but also because she sees something in these women that she lacks so herself; freedom. I believe real beauty can always be found in ‘ugly’ and ugly can always be found in ‘beauty’, and this opening scene encompasses that cleverly. Already, from this scene, we are made to feel a little on the edge of our seats as we come face to face with the ugly, and this ties exquisitely into the complexity of the film.

In contrast to her icy reality, the book and her memories of her relationship with Edward are vibrant with pleasant lime greens, inviting yellow sunlight and hints of prominent, passionate red. Everything depicted in the book is drizzled in a honey hue; the desert reflects the light off its dirty dunes and worn out roads. This derelict wasteland feels far more homely than her darkened, minimalistic wooden furnished home. Her house feels very curated, like everything is hanging there for a reason; specifically the image of a man holding a shotgun to another man who is a few metres in front of him. Another excellent example of foreshadowing that plays with our notion of actuality: as this image is later recreated at the end of Edward’s manuscript. The allure, simplicity and openness of the natural world is divergent to the rigid, dullness of her seemingly inescapable bourgeoisie lifestyle. Her freedom is lived through the imaginary road trips on desolate highways that she’ll never truly experience to its full potential because of her dreary commitments. The fact Ford uses greens like Ray’s car and Susan’s dress at the end, contrasting with the arresting red of the sofa and Susan’s lipstick, displays how opposite these worlds truly are from each other. They are meant to be two extremes, for the sake of Susan feeling so swamped with reality, and so far from this feeling of freedom that she longs for.

I have to admit, the ending brought me to tears. The climax of uncomfortableness got to me in the end. Susan arranges to go to dinner with Edward as he is in town for a few days, and he simply does not show up. We were looking forward to seeing him again, for her sake as well as our own at this point, after watching her put on a lime green dress (the only colourful thing we see her sport), remove her harsh red lipstick and dark eyeshadow, undressing to her old self before realism crushed her spirit. However he served her the iciest revenge imaginable; and far more memorable than any violent act (which would have mirrored Tony’s revenge on Ray). Instead, he killed her with the memory of his kindness; his romantic faith burrowed deep into her recollection. For his vengeance, he wrote a book about himself; about the weaknesses she came to spite him for. In the end that was all he had to say to her. How powerful it was for him to turn the tables, to create something so vivid and raw with profound emotion that stemmed directly from his heartbreak. This ties in with the idea that the best art is made through experiencing immobilising pain, for he has made greatness from the ashes of a broken romance. Whereas Susan, has no way of expressing the emptiness she feels, only fill this emptiness with the expensive artworks of others.  The parallels between the book and the couple’s relationship are slowly and distressingly revealed to us through Susan’s retrospection, making the climax of the film progressively build in intensity; until it becomes too overwhelming. As the restaurant gradually becomes unoccupied, we realise that the seat opposite her will remain empty: just  how she feels inside, just how we feel as the end credits roll up. Such a sinister ending, made heavier by the bewitching soundtrack, scored by Abel Korzeniowski. The movie would not be the same without this hauntingly romantic stroking of piano keys and passionate caressment of string instruments. The music is lonely, magical; bringing a sense of nostalgia paired with the unknowing of where it derives from. My favourite has to be ‘The Fields’, which plays in the background when Tony finds his wife and daughter on that bloodshot sofa. Waves of heartache crash over me, a shiver shoots down my spine as the goosebumps engulf me. It feels like a stab in the chest, one so beautiful it makes it hard to induce tears. My second favourite being  ‘Table for Two’, which accompanies the scene where Susan is stood up in the restaurant. It is the sound of longing for something we don’t even know that we want. It is like waving goodbye to someone you love dearly; it’s torment matched meticulously with the content of the frame. The pairing of music and visual narrative is one of the most compelling sensory and emotional ordeals of human experience. Korzeniowski’s auditory description being a perfect alliance to Ford’s striking cinematic language. I find it hard to imagine one without the other where this film is concerned.

A true artist knows how to manipulate his audience, and here, Ford has not fallen short. It truly is a modern pictorial masterpiece that I could watch time and time again, and its significance would not fall short. I was moved deeply by this story, and its lingering portrayal of delicacy of human relationships will continue to haunt me.

I have chosen to write about this film because I feel that Edward and Susan are the personification of the confliction I face with my own duality as an artist. On one hand, I am passionate, sensitive and overflowing with creativity, much like Edward’s character. Whilst on the other, I consider myself almost too analytical and cynical about my own creations to consider myself so. I think this is something that all creatives are plagued with, and what differentiates us is our belief, or lack of.  

[cddump]

Again (Sitting Seven)

“Young Casper, is everything okay? Are you in need of assistance?” Chandra held his arm out to Casper, who had finished his laughing fit. He took hold of Chandra's hand and stood, still panting from his run. “It's fine. All you need to know is that I have an overactive imagination. And I'm out of shape.” “What's going on?” Ash placed the plate of apple slices on her computer desk. “Oh, habibi, have you been taking your medication?” Chandra handed the orange bottle to her. “I found this one in my office so I became worried.” “I'm taking them. I thought I lost them so I went to get another refill. It was a pain in the ass, but I manged to get them fine.” “I'll just be going now,” Casper said. He wanted to get out as soon as possible and was already inching towards the door. “Wait, why did you burst in here?” Casper sighed. “I thought...I don't know. I thought you forgot those meds and that they were like...” he trailed off. How could he say he thought she was going to commit suicide? “I was just worried.” “What, did you think I was gonna off myself or something? They're just anxiety pills. They help with panic attacks and stuff.” “Yeah well, I didn't know that.” Casper reached the door and walked through when he heard Ash's footsteps rush up to him. Oh boy, here we go. Sure enough, she grabbed his arm and spoke up. “Wait! Wait wait, did you really think I'd try and kill myself?” Chandra easily pulled Ash off of Casper, “Now habibi. Young Casper was just worried and was being a good neighbor. Do not read into it too deeply.” “But dad! We have a real connection! I can feel it!” “That's what you said about the last person that moved in. And you ended up driving them out with your antics.”

“Wait, what?” Casper turned around to face the two. “What do you mean she ending up 'driving them out?' “D-don't worry about that!” Ash said as Chandra sighed to himself. “Look, Casper's already made it farther than the other guy did! And Casper's single.” “No I'm not,” Casper lied, “I have a girlfriend.” Ash's face went pale. “W-why didn't you say that in the first place?!” It was a pathetic lie, but if it kept her out of Casper's hair for a while he'd be able to live with it. “What's her name, then?” “Now habibi, don't pry into Casper's personal life like this.” “Zoey,” Casper said, pulling up the first name he could think of. Well, the second name, actually. The first name was his sister's, and he wasn't about to claim to be dating his sister. “Zoey? You mean the girl on your lock screen?” “That's right. W-why do you think she's on my lock screen?” “I thought it was because it was your sister's picture...But why didn't you mention you two were dating when you showed me the picture the first time?” Shit! “Ah...well, you know...” Casper covered his face from view with both hands. “It's embarrassing, you know? I can't talk about her with a straight face so I tried to brush her off!” Ash wasn't having any of it. “If that's the case then why'd you move here instead of with her and your sister?! It doesn't make--” Chandra stepped in. “Now now, habibi. Young Casper has his reasons for his decisions. Speaking of which, now that I see you're fine with your medication, Casper and I have a few last things to discuss about his staying here. Would you join me outside, Casper?” Casper only nodded a silent thank you for the escape. Once more, Casper found himself in the hallway, three floors above Ash's room. The afternoon light had already begun to evaporate, and in its place were the slowly darkening skies. There was just a sliver of sunlight reaching past the horizon and though there was enough visible light left, the hallways were already illuminated by the automated ceiling lights. This was now Casper's home but the artificially lit hallway reminded him more of a hotel than a long-lasting living space. “Correct me if I'm wrong, young Casper,” Chandra said, “but you are not currently in a relationship, are you?” Casper looked towards the stairway, making sure Ash hadn't followed them. “No. Sorry I lied. Don't tell her, alright?” “I understand. My poor habibi has an overbearing personality at times. We've tried to talk to her but nothing's gone through. Maybe we should just accept her for who she is instead of trying to change her. Either way, I hope you can still get along with her.” Casper couldn't help but smile. “I think I've seen the worst of her at this point, so that should be fine...Or rather, I hope I've seen the worst of her.” Casper heard a soft whirring noise outside. Looking up, he saw a drone fly near the apartment building. “Are those things popular here? I saw one yesterday too.” “Hmm?” Chandra followed Casper's gaze. “Ah, the flying drone? No, though I do believe I see one flying around every so often. It would be fair to say there is probably one enthusiast in the city, but nothing beyond that.” “Oh. Alright. Hey, did you actually need to talk to me about something or was that just to help me get out of Ash's room?” “Hmm? Ah yes. Did you sign the papers this morning?” “Yeah. Gary should have them, I think.” “Then everything is perfect, young Casper. Please enjoy your stay. Here, allow me to give you small gift to welcome you.” Chandra pulled out his wallet and produced a small slip of purple paper folded into an envelope before handing it to Casper. “What's this?” Casper asked as he undid the flap. Inside was a plastic card, the same shade of purple as the envelope in came in. Written on it were two words in whimsical font: Coff-Coff. “It's a gift card for the coffee shop down the street. It isn't much, I'll admit—only five dollars—but I always feel the need to get something like this for people moving in. Considering your insomnia, I hope it does not offend you that I chose a coffee shop. I did so without realizing, you see. If it's a problem I can replace it with something else. Or perhaps a different--” “No no, this is fine! Really, don't worry about it. Thanks, Chandra. I appreciate it. In fact, I think I'm feeling a little thirsty right about now.” “Oh! Yes yes of course, please by all means! I have a few things I must take care of as well. Please take care, young Casper. Night is falling, after all!” A few seconds after Casper pressed the elevator's call button, the doors slid open for him. A pair of blue eyes looked up at him. “Oh, good evening,” the man said, “I haven't seen you before. Are you visiting someone?” The man standing in the elevator was tall and lean with pale skin and spoke in a British accent. He wore a dress shirt and slacks, and his black shoes shone in the elevator's light. Casper rubbed his fingers through his black hair, comparing it to the man's light brown hair. He was clean shaven while Casper sported stubble from his already growing beard. The fact Casper wore a a simple v neck shirt and hoodie with jeans while the other man was dressed in a more formal manner made Casper feel as if he was inadequately dressed. He stepped into the elevator. “N-no. No, I just moved in last night. Do you live here too?” “No. I was visiting my cousin, but he seems to be out, which is rare. I even checked the roof as he likes to spend some time there, but found nothing. Ground floor?” “Yeah, thanks.” Casper noted the man had already pressed that particular button as the doors began to close. “So who's your cousin, if you don't mind me asking?” “He lives on the first floor. Maybe you've met him, his name is Alexander.” Casper stared at the man, shocked. “You're related to him?! But you're so normal!” The man laughed. “Yes, I get that a lot. Alexander is...very eccentric and pursues strange hobbies.” “Hobbies, huh?” The man laughed quietly to himself but said nothing for a few seconds. Casper expected him to talk about Alex but instead said a single word that surprised him again. “Insomnia?” “Wh...what?” “I'm asking if you have insomnia. I can see the dark circles in your eyes despite looking as if you've slept more than the majority of the day.” “...Just a rough night's sleep.” “More like a rough couple of year's worth of sleep, but if you say so. I won't pry any further. My name is Richard, by the way. Richard Cain.” He held out his hand, which Casper hesitantly shook. “Casper Donn. Local insomniac.” Richard laughed again as the elevator reached the ground floor and opened once more. “Where are you off to then, Casper?” “This place called Coff-Coff.” He held up the gift card in between to fingers to show Richard. “Every been there?” “Yes I have. In fact, that was my next stop. Would you like me to join you?” Casper looked Richard over once more. They seemed to come from two different worlds; Richard dressed as if he was ready to head into a party while Casper looked as if he was about to get busted for smoking weed. “...Should I get changed first? What's the atmosphere like?” “Hm? Oh! No no, please you're fine as-is! If anything I'm over dressed. I'm just very used to this type of attire.” The pair walked passed the the security office where Gary eyed them for a moment before returning to his book. Casper could clearly see Gary had placed a Japanese manga over the book's pages and pretended to read the book while secretly reading his graphic novel instead. “I work at the local bank, you see. I spend a lot of time there and my closet has been filled with more dress-wear than casual clothing before I had realized it.” “Oh. Well, at least you're always looking fly, right?” Richard chuckled again as he exited the apartment building. Darkness had taken over the town, and the concrete walkway leading out of the lot was brightened by lamps that dotted the area. Casper looked towards the sky but saw only darkness. There were no stars to be seen in the city. Instead he brought his gaze forward. The streets were bathed in artificial light and the noises of passing cars in the distance filled the air. “So where do you work, if you don't mind me asking? Did you have a job lined up in this city before moving in?” “Huh? Oh, I uh, make a webcomic called Animals! Deluxe.” Richard rubbed his chin. “I'm sorry to say I haven't read it.” This time it was Casper's turn to laugh. “Don't worry about it. To be honest it'd be even weirder if someone like you had said you were a big fan of it.” “Is that so?” “You don't seem like the kind of person who'd read cutesy comics, you know?” “And you don't seem like the kind of person to produce cutesy comics. You seem a bit more on the rougher side.” “That's just me being grumpy from not getting any sleep.” “Speaking of. I find it hard to believe an insomniac would go to a coffee shop, much less during the night.” “I like hot chocolate,” Casper defended himself.