#the other day i was supposed to load dishes into the dishwasher. and instead i spiralled

[seven-oh-four]

it's probably not a normal household thing to be fantasizing about escaping and going no contact

[hoejosatoru]

Room for One More

Pairing: Fem!reader x Shinichiro

Summary: Seeing how you cares for his little siblings makes Shinichiro want to have a child of his own with you <3

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: changed the sano siblings ages a bit from cannon to fit the narrative, talk of pregnancy, breeding kink, raw sex, fingering, cream pie, some pet names, not proof read

You woke up to a familiar sound: little feet on hardwood and stifled giggles. You felt the bed shift under the weight 2 tiny bodies as they wedged their way between you and your boyfriend.

“Wake upppppp” Mikey whined. You rolled over, finding him poked at Shinichiro’s cheek.

He grumbled, turning into the pillow. “C’mon Mikey, it’s early.”

Mikey snorted. “It’s nine!”

Shin’s voice came muffled from the pillow. “That is early.”

“Lazy!” Emma giggled at Mikey’s comment.

“How about instead of bothering Shin, you give me a good morning hug?” you asked, earning delighted squeals from the two of them. They practically leaped at you, but you received them happily, hugging them tightly. “You too, Izana, you know I can’t get up without a hug.”

Izana was standing in the doorway, watching this all unfold. Being the oldest, besides Shin, you knew he felt like he wasn’t supposed to get in on the “baby stuff.” However, you also knew he really liked it, as he was still very much a child after all. You were always sure to invite him in, so he felt like he was doing it for you, rather than himself. He gave you a big, sweet hug.

“I’m hungry,” Mikey groaned. 

“You’re always hungry,” Izana replied.

“I’ve got an idea,” you interjected. “Whoever brushes their teeth the fastest gets an extra piece of bacon.” Their eyes all lit up and in a flash they were gone.

You leaned over, pressing a kiss on Shin’s cheek. “I’ll make them breakfast, you rest, okay?” Shin had been working a lot lately; the responsibility of the bike shop was a lot for him. This was his first day off in a while and you knew he needed it.

“Thank you,” he murmured, turning to give you a quick kiss on the lips.

You made it to the kitchen just in time to see the kids race in, Izana sliding into his chair first. “We have a winner!” you announced, ruffling his snowy hair. He smiled proudly. The other two pouted. 

“He cheated,” Mikey grumbled.

You were fishing out pans from the cabinet as you replied, “Sore losers don’t get any bacon.” That got him quiet. You got everything you needed- eggs, bread, butter, and bacon - and got to work cooking breakfast. It wasn't long before Shinichiro stumbled in. 

“I thought you were gonna rest some more?”

Shin cozied up behind you at the stove, wrapping his arms around you. “Smells too good to stay away.” You leaned into the warmth of his touch, smiling as he peppered soft kisses on your neck and cheek.

“Eww!” the kids groaned in unison. You giggled as Shin told them to shut up, while half laughing himself. When you finished cooking you gathered around the little kitchen table to eat. Everyone fell silently as they enjoyed their food. Meal times were typically the quietest parts of the day.

Just as you were all finishing up Shin’s phone rang. He looked at the number and groaned. “Shit.”

“Oohh, Shin cursed!” Mikey gasped, making Emma giggled. Shin stuck his tongue out at them. Although he was much older, it didn’t stop the typical sibling dynamics from playing out.

“It’s the bike shop, I gotta take it,” he explained, before slipping out of the room.

“Let's get this cleaned up, yeah?” you said to the kids. They got up without complaint, helping you bring the dishes to the dishwasher and load it up. The kids definitely messed around a lot, but they were great little helpers. By the time you finished, Shinichiro returned with a disappointed look on his face. 

“I have to go into work,” he sighed, heavy with sadness.

“No! We were supposed to have a picnic today,” Emma pouted. She expressed the disappointment you felt. You weren’t angry, if anything you were upset for Shin. You knew he was looking forward to getting some time off and was probably just as upset as you were.

“I’m really sorry,” Shin replied, “It’s an emergency.”

“Is everything okay?” you asked.

“Yeah no one’s hurt or anything,” Shin replied, “We just have this big job that needed to be finished today. The guy who was supposed to do it got really sick and if we don’t complete this we’ll lose a ton of money. I’m so sorry I gotta go get it done.” Shinichiro looked so disappointed, it made your heart ache. It always sucked when he got called into work unexpectedly, but today he looked particularly upset. You knew he hated how much he had to work, despite loving motorcycles. It was difficult for him to be so young and have to provide for himself as well as all his little siblings. His dedication and care of them was something that drew you to him in the first place. “I’m sorry my love,” you replied, “That really sucks, but not your fault. We understand, don’t we?”

The kids were definitely disappointed, but they nodded along anyway thankfully. “It’s okay Shin,” Izana stated, “We can hang out a different day.”

Shinichiro shook his head. “No we already bought everything for the picnic, you all should still go and have a good time.” 

“Are you sure?” you asked. 

“Absolutely. I’d feel worse if you guys didn’t have fun today,” Shin replied. “You’ll all behave for y/n if she takes you to the park right?” This time they nodded eagerly. “Good,” Shin replied. He put his hand on Izana’s head, fluffing his hair a bit. “You’re the man of the house while I’m away, bud. Make sure these two behave.” 

“Hey!” Mikey and Emma grumbled while Izana beamed with the honor Shin had bestowed on him. Shin told the kids to get dressed, giving you a minute alone.

“I really am sorry about this, I was looking forward to spending time together,” Shin said, taking your hand in his.

“It’s really okay, you can’t control it,” You replied, giving his hand a squeeze, “You just owe us extra next time you’re off.” Your light teasing made him smile.

“You got it.” He stole a kiss before the kids could come back down and gag over your PDA. “If you need me at all, please call. I’ll say fuck work if you really need me for something.”

“Don’t worry about it, just do what you need to do and come home to us as soon as you can, okay?” you replied, stealing another kiss while you could.

“Yes ma’am.” With that the kids came racing back into the room. Shin said his goodbye before heading out. You got the kids organized, having them pack up their snacks and toys they wanted to bring with them. When everything was ready, you piled everything into a little wagon, which Izana was happy to put in charge of pulling. 

You held Emma’s hand as you walked to park. Mikey ran head, eager as always, while Izana followed dutifully behind so he could keep an eye on everyone. When you finally arrived, you let them run loose as you laid out the blanket. Despite it being a nice day, the park was fairly empty, giving the kids freedom to do as the pleased. As you watched them run around and laugh with each other, that familiar warm feeling grew in your chest.

Shin’s sibling were not your kids, obviously. You were just his girlfriend, after all. Still you felt such strong affection for them. You didn’t have a big family growing up and you loved being a part of their family like this. It meant a lot to you that his siblings seemed to love you as much as you loved them. 

After running around for awhile, the kids worked up an appetite and joined you on the picnic blanket. You dug through the picnic basket, pulling out everyone’s favorite snacks. You felt a little tug in your chest, knowing Shin had gone shopping to get everyone just what they liked. When you saw his favorite candy at the bottom of the basket you kept it hidden, wanting him to have a little treat to come home too.

After lunch, Izana and Mikey went back to running around and playing some tag-like game. Emma roped you into playing dolls with her, not that you minded. When she got bored of that, she went off to collect little flowers that were sprouted in the park. She brought you back a little bouquet, smiling brightly and filling your chest with warmth. There were a few extra she had for herself.

“Sit,” you patted the blanket next to you. Emma did as you asked, sitting in front of you. You used your fingers to comb through her silky blonde hair, then braided it, weaving in the little flowers she found. When you showed her, she squealed with delight.

“It’s like Rapunzel!” she beamed. 

“Can Rapunzel go tell her brothers its time to go home?” Emma nodded, skipping off to round up Mikey and Izana while you packed everything up. The sun was starting to set as you walked back home. You were surprised how much time you spent out, but you thoroughly enjoyed yourself. It only would have been better if Shin could have joined you. 

When you got home, you instructed the kids to wash up while you started making something for dinner. You kept it a simple crowd pleaser: pasta. 

“How you guys feel about watching a movie after dinner?” You asked as everyone ate at the table.

“Can we make a fort?” Mikey asked.

“Of course,” you replied. The three of them ate the rest of the meals excitedly chatting about how they would arrange the pillows and blankets. Once dinner was finished, they helped you clean up without complaint, eager to get to the fort building. It took a bit of time to get it big enough for everyone to fit while also being structurally sound, but eventually you got it right.

“You guys don't want snacks right?” you joked, knowing they’d be appalled you’d even suggest they go snack less. 

“Nuh uh! I want popcorn,” Mikey replied.

“And m&ms!” Emma chimed in. You laughed, but fetched what they asked for, before climbing into the fort. It was a tight fit, but they all had no qualms cuddling up to you. Emma was squished against your chest, while Mikey rested by your stomach. Izana snuggled up against your leg. 

The kids chatted and giggled at the beginning of the movie, but slowly fell silently as they drifted to sleep. Usually Izana is able to stay up through a movie, but even he was knocked out from a long day at the park. You were wondering how you would get them to their beds without waking them up, when you heard the front door open. 

“I’m home!” Shin announced. When he walked into the living room he laughed at the sight of the blankets and pillows arranged haphazardly. “Shit I didn’t know they were asleep,” he said when he came around tot he front of the fort. Shinichiro’s heart seized at the sight of his little siblings cuddled up to you so peacefully. He already knew he loved you, but it moments like this it was almost overwhelming for him. 

“It’s okay, they’re totally knocked out from today,” you whispered. “We missed you, but I saved you a plate. Why don’t you go eat and then we’ll move them?”

Shin nodded, even though he had the strongest urge to join you guys. His growling stomach was the only thing that pulled him away. He ate quickly, but appreciated the meal you had left for him.

“Thank you for dinner, my love,” Shin said when he returned, “Now lets get them to bed.” Shin gently lifted Izana off you, who stayed asleep while he carried him to his room. Next he took Mikey, leaving you to carry Emma up to her room. All the kids remained asleep on the short walk to their room.

“Your turn,” Shin greeted outside Emma’s door. Before you could ask what he meant, he swept you off your feet and carried you to your bedroom. You both laughed quietly, as he placed you on the bed.

“We missed you a lot today,” you told him.

“I missed you guys too,” Shin replied “You’re so good with the kids, you have no idea how much it means to me.” Shin spent his entire day thinking of you all. It was not the first time you stepped up and helped with the kids, but it never meant any less to him. He loved how you cared for them, treating them basically like your own. Coming home to all of them so cuddled up to you just confirmed what he always felt. “Would it be crazy if I said I want a kid of our own?”

Your eyes went wide. The two of you had talked about having a family, but it had always been casual. Something that was more of a day dream than a true plan. “We aren’t even married,” was all that came out in your shock. You and Shin weren’t traditional by any means, but you always assumed you’d be married before having children.

Shin got a funny smile on his face. “Funny you should say that.” He went over to his drawer, digging through it until he pulled out a little black velvet box. You gasped. “So, I had been planning on proposing today when we were all together. I was really upset when I didn’t think it would happen, but I guess it was meant to be,” he explained, with the sweet grin on his face that had made you fall in love with him. “So, y/n, will you marry me?”

There was only one answer. “Yes, of course.” You threw your arms around him, happy tears streaming down your face. You only pulled away so he could slide the beautiful ring on your finger. “I love it so much. I love you so much.”

“I love you more,” Shin replied, pulling you in for a kiss. He laid you down, kissing you as he straddled your body. You were both giggling, equally giddy and desperate for each other, as if it was the first time being together. Your stripped each other as you kissed, barely letting your lips part. “Fuck,” Shin said looking at you, “So fucking pretty. My girl. my fiancé.”

You blushed and smiled, loving the sound of that. You twirled the hair at the base of his head, just like you knew he liked. It only egged him on more. “Gonna be even better when I can call you my wife.” His hand slipped between your legs, spreading the slickness that gathered. You let out a little satisfied sigh as he teased your clit. “Fuck you’d look so good pregnant. You want that, yeah? Wanna have a baby with me love?”

Maybe it was the excitement of the engagement or the ache of desire you felt for Shin, but in that moment there was nothing you wanted more. “Please Shin,” you begged, “I want that so bad.” Shin smiled widely, slipping his fingers inside you. You let out a little gasp as he pressed into your g-spot, making you impossibly wetter.

“Fuck, gonna give that to you,” he murmured against your skin. He kissed your breasts, his tongue sliding across your nipple. Goosebumps raised on your skin as he continued to work at you. His thumb found your clit, pressing little circles until the bubble of pleasure inside you popped.

You bit your lip, letting out a low, breathless moan as you came. You were still acutely aware that the kids were near by, asleep in their beds. The last thing you wanted to do was wake them up. 

When you were finished, Shinichiro sat up, pumping his hard, leaky cock. The sight of him coupled with the anticipation of getting to feel him raw for the first time made your body drum with excitement. Shin was just as eager, lining himself up to you and pressing himself inside you.

“Fuck,” he groaned, “Knew you’d feel good, but this is like fucking heaven.” He gave slow, deep thrusts, allowing him to savor ever inch of you. “We’re never using condoms again.” You giggled at his enthusiasm, but also fully agreed that this felt better than before. 

Shinichiro grew more needy. His thrusts became faster and harder as he lost himself in the feeling of you. “Can’t wait to fill you up,” he panted softly, “Gonna be the prettiest mommy. Fuck I love you.”

“I love you too, Shin,” you whimpered. Your hands dragged up and down his back, holding him close to you. The faster he moved, the more the pleasure inside you rebuilt. You were getting to the tipping point when Shin let out a low curse and buried his face in your neck. You felt his cock twitch inside you, filling you with his warm cum. The sensation sent you over the edge, making you cum around his cock. You bit into his shoulder to stifle the sound.

The both of you stayed like that for awhile, Shin buried deep inside you, bodies pressed together, breathless and flushed. Eventually, Shin propped himself up on his elbows. He wasn’t far from you by any means, but it allowed him to look at you. His cheeks were flushed with a loving glow that only made your heart flutter more. 

“I really mean it, you know,” Shin said, pushing hair out of your eyes. “There’s nothing more that I want than to have a family with you.”

His sweetness and sincerity nearly brought tears to your eyes. “I want that, too. I’m so glad I get to be a part of your family now.” It was all you had wanted since you first started dating him

He picked up the hand that the ring was on, placing a soft kiss on it. “You’ve always been part of the family, now it’s just official.”

You cupped his cheek, pulling him in for another kiss. “I love you so much.”

Shin only smiled brighter, “I love you more.” The joy you felt was beyond anything you could explain. All you knew was there was nothing more you were excited for than to be build a life and family with Shinichiro. 

[thebibliosphere]

ADHD reward system? Please tell me your secret!

My therapist has been helping me find a reward system that works for me, and as it turns out, gold star stickers are really helpful for making me feel like a tangible goal was met, and helps give me that sweet, sweet dopamine release that comes with completing a task, something which us ADHD’ers really struggle to achieve and are already coming at from a disadvantage with our brains regularly not producing enough “happy” hormones as it is.

It was supposed to be “a sticker for every time you finish a chapter”, but after some revision, my therapist said that was too tall of a goal, and that I should pick something smaller. So instead I now get a star every time I finish a 500-word milestone, placing the sticker in my writing calendar/journal thing that I use to keep track of my writing, and ironically, I have started to produce more work than when I was stiving for one chapter a day.

To give you an idea of how staggeringly effective this has been for me, I’ve written over 30k of original fiction in the last week. (75k total if you include my social media and blog stuff, which I currently do not but likely should.)

So this is what it looked like when I was attempting to do a chapter of edits and revisions a day during the month of December 2019 (note: I was supposed to start this in Nov, so you can see how well that worked out for me lol):

ID: A calendar showing days of the month with a shiny star sticker showing a completed task.

And this is what my writing journal looks like now that I’m doing a star for every 500 words:

ID: an image of a handwritten journal with the dates mapped out, followed by a shiny star sticker for every completed 500-word milestone. There are 65 stars in total for the month of January 2020. It’s also tinged by a green light cause I’m doing a chronic pain experiment, so far with positive results!

So as of today, January 8th, with ever star = 500 words, then 65*500 = 32500 words totalled in 7 days. This does not include, like I said, my social media output where I am far more productive, this is just my fiction and some editing work for friends.

(Which side note: this is not to flex, or to say that others should be able to achieve this level of output. I am a professional writer, this is my main job and only source of income. And also, I was forged in the fires of understaffed editing hell where we would be expected to churn out 100k+ a week in edits and revisions to keep on track. I have the time and a learned skillset I have spent years amassing to be able to do this and am working towards a rigid deadline. I simply have not been healthy enough in a long time to manage it, and am finally working my way back up to speed after years of illness. Don’t look at this and think, “I’m not achieving enough”, every victory no matter how small is worth celebrating. And I say that with the utmost sincerity, as someone who spent most of the last 2-3 years unable to get out of bed.)

I’ve also started using it to help keep track of bills and chores around the home. So every time something gets done/done on time, whoever completed the task gets a star on the calendar. This includes Oppy the Not-A-Roomba, who does a very good job of taking care of the house on a daily basis:

ID: an image of a chore calendar denoting various tasks that have been marked off with a holographic silver star sticker, including our robot vacuum who does an excellent job and deserves all the stars. (Our names got blurred out cause ETD doesn’t want his real name out there in the world, so that’s what is blurry.)

This system is useful for several reasons, the primary one being a sense of achievement and continued motivation, and the second, to allow you to review each month to see where you are doing well, and where you might otherwise be struggling.

For example, if I have a bad day for writing or decide to take a day off, I write that down in the calendar rather than leaving it blank, so that I have a record of what went wrong (or right, if I am electing to self care that day and take a day off) and how my overall progress is doing.

In terms of house stuff, this has been especially useful for ETD and myself, as it shows us where we are managing to do a good job with the house, and where our executive dysnfunction issues really trip us up and where we need to make improvements. And I don’t just mean in an “I should try harder way”, I mean you have to actively sit down and be like “hey! What is preventing me from completing this thing” and trying to figure out effective ways to either get around it or resolve a larger issue at hand.

So for us, the biggest thing we tend to miss is doing dishes after dinner, meaning we get left with a pile-up of dishes to deal with first thing in the morning, and my ADHD can’t handle that. It won’t let me eat until I’ve cleared all the mess, but I usually don’t have the energy to clean up if I haven’t eaten, so it’s this awful cycle of ineptitude. We’re doing better with the star reward system, cause it’s showing us our progress loud and clear on the fridge door, but we are both usually so fatigued and exhausted by the end of dinner that doing dishes is just one thing too many for our mutual disorders. So, the solution for this would, of course, be a dishwasher, cause if we had one of those, we could load stuff in, turn it on, and let those dishes get done while we go to bed then put them away in the morning. We can’t afford to do that right now, and we have other appliances we need to buy/replace before we can do that (still don’t have a tumble dryer, or a washer I can access, rip) but it does give us a tangible goal to work toward, and also, the motivation to keep on top of things because it goes from “an endless task with no end in sight” to “there’s a solution for this, we can manage a while longer.”

Now you could be saying, but Joy, I’m an adult! Surely I shouldn’t expect rewards for completing every day tasks that I should be able to do?!

To which I say, neurotypical people get rewards all the time and get an unconscious dose of dopamine/serotonin from their brains every time they complete a task. They’re playing the game of life on easy mode, the gold star is your achievement for completing it daily on Nintendo 99 hard mode. IF THE STICKER WORKS, TAKE THE STICKER

YOU’VE EARNED IT.

[wizkiddx]

two beautiful girls

someone asked for me to try dad!tom again so here's my humble attempt, I really really hope it doesn't disappoint but honestly I didn’t spend a lot of time on it before my brain turned to mush :) hope everyones okay... today seems to have felt particularly shitty for no real reason, but sending lots o love <3

dad!tomholland x reader

Summary: dealing with your daughter while tom’s away is tricky to say the least, but its all worth it when the three of u are reunited again // fluff (and maybe angst if u squint rlly hard)

(I can’t work out where this pic is from to credit but pls lmk if it’s yours/ u know)

Normally, hearing the door turn in the lock of your front door was one of the best sensations in the world. No matter how long Tom had been away for you would always be filled with such a sense of relief and warmth just by knowing he was there. Sometimes it’d be after he left only a couple of hours previous for a two hour meeting; or after a quick long weekend in New York for an event; ranging to a two and half month block of shooting across the globe. Especially since little Nova was born, your longing for Tom was only quadrupled because you also had a complete ‘daddy’s girl’ pining after him too. 

Tom had only been away for a couple of nights, yet your 18 month daughter seemed to think she’d been abandoned for months on end. She had slept for less than 6 hours each day and as much as you tried to appeal to her wise and intellectual side (which didnt really exist - she was only 18 months) that sleep would pass the time till his return ; she was having absolutely none of it. Nova kept you up for hours and hours, screaming, screeching and wailing because you weren’t as ‘funny’ as daddy or as soft as her daddy. And what does a sleep deprived baby lead to…? A grumpy baby. She refused to eat which was so awful because then you felt as if you were neglected your child. 

It just made you feel a bit of a failure, to be quite frank. The house was a mess - you’d tried almost every toy to cheer her up, which Nova had actually found great joy in launching back at your face in spite. You were a mess too - at one point, who knows when, you had tied your hair back but now flyaways were everywhere as it pulled itself out of the grasp of the too-loose scrunchie. Oh and then there was the babyfood Nova had kindly spat all over your shirt. 

It had been a really fun three days. 

It was therefore counter intuitive, the fact that Tom’s homecoming only filled you with dread. But you didnt want him to think your were a failure. You were supposed to be Novas mum after all, why must things be so hard when they’re supposed to be all natural and easy? She hadn’t even reached the terrible twos phase yet - that seemed like a far off hellish nightmare you were trying to avoid thinking of. Of course, you loved loved loved Nova - she was already growing up so fast that it actually hurt your heart a little, to think of how much in even a week she’d grown. 

But it was still fair to say she’d been a little devil this week. 

This evening you had finally managed to tempt her to sit in the high chair, she’d had about two mouthfuls when you heard Tom entering. Thats exactly what you needed, Tom to get her all over excited so she wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t go down and wouldn’t let you rest. In the madness of it all, you hadn’t managed to even attempt to clean up the sea of toys either so Tom would immediately have all your failings before his eyes. Just bloody great. 

“Where are my two beautiful girls?” 

Like clockwork, he’d always say it and Nova would always gurgle out a “dada” just as she did today. Though this time she kicked her legs in desperation, momentarily looking at you with the kindest eyes she’d given you the week. It was only because she wanted something, you knew that, yet you still gave in. With a sigh you stood up and unclipped her from the high chair, even if this was the first time in a good few days she’d been happily eating her dinner. Or rather, had taken the single first bite. 

She had something to show her Dad though. When he’d left she still didnt have certain skills, capabilities that only now she had learnt. Nova was very proud of her knew ability to kick things - recently discovered when you were attempting to put her shoes on to go to the supermarket. Instead, after 5 attempts of her impressively booting them across the room you’d surrendered - Nova walked round the shops barefoot (probably a bit irresponsible on your part but desperation calls). 

So now she giggled whilst hurtling through the room, as Tom rounded the corner in grey joggers and a black hoodie. You watched his eyes light up, whilst he knelt down at the door way to welcome your curly haired princess into his arms. With all her force, she barrelled into him , her little arms wrapping as far around his broad chest as she could. Immediately Tom reciprocated, pulling her up into his arms and swaying slightly side to side. 

“Hey little one, I missed you!” He was positively grinning from ear to ear as he rose the two of them up , pressing a quick peck to her unruly locks. 

Only then did he look up and survey the surrounding situation, you saw him track his eyes through the mess of toys on the floor, over the counter top piled high with dishes you hadn’t got round to doing and the bin that was overflowing because you just had kept putting off taking it out. It was so embarrassing that you daren’t to even look at him, instead focusing completely on mixing the now lukewarm mush you’d made for Nova round the bowl. Tom slowly picked his way through the hazardous floor, inspecting you closely. It honestly made him feel a pang of guilt, the way you looked beyond exhausted and run down - the dark shadows under your eyes only testament to that. 

“Hey darling.” He spoke softly, keeping Nova pressed to his chest in one arm while the other went to rub your side. “You okay?” Not wanting to disappoint him, you momentarily collected yourself before looking up at him with the a small smile.

“Yeh I’m good. How was the flight?” You knew Tom already saw past your attempt of small talk, the was his eyebrows furrowed slightly being the tell. But before he could question you further Nova started wriggling round in his hold, making him arch back to look at her. 

“Have you been a good girl for mummy little one?” Given your defeated look, Tom was pretty sure he already knew the answer - Nova chose instead of confirming either way to just wriggle some more as she shouted Dada. 

“What you doing crazy?” He chuckled rhetorically, bending down to let her out of his hold, where she then dragged him across the room to the foam mini ball she had. With her still slightly uncoordinated gait, she focused her eyes completely on the ball, her tongue slightly poking out the left corner of her mouth. Then with a forceful yelp she smashed the ball upwards and across the room, flying into a closed cupboard door before bouncing down to the floor. Expectantly Nova’s hazel eyes immediately then searched for her Dad’s - a massive smirk on her face. 

“NO WAY NOVA!!!” He shrieked, running and scooping her up once again, this time spinning her round so her legs flew out- her giggles enough to warm even the coldest heart of stone. “Your right foot is better than Manes!” He laughed, though neither girl in the room getting the football reference- Tom had long since given up hope of you getting invested in football, no matter how hard he had tried. “You’re gonna be the best little footballer Kingston has ever seen!” 

Nova seemed more than fulfilled with his praise, laughing and settling down in his hold whilst he straightened up glancing back at you again. 

“She’s learning so fast.” You mumbled up at him and Tom nodding, taking a seat in the chair next to you. 

“She’s got a pretty impressive teacher!” He tried so hard to perk you up, nudging your side as his gaze felt as though he was boring holes into you. 

Not knowing how to reply to his compliment you left it and the room faded to silence briefly, the atmosphere feeling rather uncomfortable for your marital home. 

“Do you mind finishing off her dinner if I take a shower?” You muttered under your breath, wanting an escape. 

Naturally Tom agreed, even if he watched you walk out the room with a worrisome expression on his face. He knew his job wasn’t easy for you at all. It had been hard enough when it has just the two of you, the long periods apart bore longer on you. Over the time Tom had been acting, he’d become somewhat used to these long periods of absence, it had just become the usual. But for you? You working a normal job meant it was harder. You couldn’t go on double dates with your friends - half the time you boyfriend was across a sea from you. Now though, with Nova, you’d lost someone you grew to depend on. Yes, it might only be for briefer periods of time but it still didn’t feel any easier.  He was effectively leaving you to be a single mother and although his family obviously endeavoured to support you in every way possible. It just wasn’t the same. 

So whilst Nova babbled excitedly her mostly gibberish in the highchair, Tom spent the time sweeping round the kitchen/diner , collecting up the toys into their boxes, loading up the dishwasher and wiping clean the surfaces - all whilst entertaining Nova with brief ‘no reallys’?” And “what ! That’s unbelievable’ and “so what did you tell them?” In response to her baby language babble. His fiery daughter was distracted by the food and one sided chat for all of 20 minutes, letting him just about finish up before she grew impatient of some more attention. 

“So what did you get up to then little miss nuisance?” He asked while wiping her mouth which was now smeared with her tomatoey gloop.

“Went park. Mummy made cookies!!”

“Cookies? No way can I have one?” He did honestly fancy the sound of a cookie, and after lifting her out the seat and onto his lap he looked round the kitchen in search of the baked goods.

“No.” She giggled with a mischievous twinkle in her eye “all gone!!”

“What?!?”

“All gone! Mummy and me drawed too look!” She pointed out the multicoloured scribble of uncoordinated lines spiralling together that had been stuck on the fridge. 

“Oooh that’s beautiful darling what else did you do?”

“Mummy and me played paw patrol! Mummy was silly!” Nova laughed at the memory, Tom squeezing her up into his chest again loving how bloody precious she was. 

“Why was mummy silly?” 

“She did Ryders voice! Mummy voice is better than Daddy’s!” 

“WHAT?!?” Shrieking in offence, Tom tickled her belly until she was squirming on the top of his thighs in fits of laughter, making Tom laugh away too. 

He truly loved his beautiful daughter. 

It took you a good couple of hours to venture downstairs, feeling for some ludicrous reason that you had to pluck up the courage. When you went down, you assumed that Nova had already passed out or was about to - the house was serene and quiet. So in your joggers and one of Tom’s big tees, you crept back down the stairs. Entering the kitchen first to get yourself a water and Tom a beer ( he never didn’t want a beer, especially after a long flight). As you entered, your feet seemed to loose their connection with you body making you halt jerkily, seeing the almost sparkling kithchen. All the toys and general clutter was gone from the floor; the dishes magically vanished, revealing a counter that you’d almost forgotten had existed. What you had done to deserve Tom was beyond you, yet you were so grateful - and  felt a flutter inside your chest as you went back out and into the living room. 

Tom had Nova sat on his thighs, though she was more like slumped against his chest as he tried to lull her to sleep with his deep voice quietly reading one of her superhero books. It had been unavoidable - she’d been indoctrinated into the world of Marvel before she could even talk, Tom insisting on wanting her to know that ‘she could be a superhero too if she wanted to’. The Spiderman baby grow, the captain marvel water bottle- the subtle nods to his roles where impossible to avoid in your house. His warm eyes briefly flicked up when he noticed you standing at the doorway, he paused his sentence to give you a warm smile and nod you over to the sofa beside him.  Still feeling a little self conscious, you stared at the floor while rounding the table and plonking yourself down next to him - allowing just a little gap of space. 

“Thanks for sorting the kitchen, I’m sorry-“

“Don’t worry at all darling” He arched over to you and pressed a quick peck to your forehead before Nova mewled in annoyance of her story being interrupted. He lightly chuckled, bringing the one hand that wasn’t holding the book to brush her unruly curls back off her head. 

Tom kept reading in his soft voice and you let your eyes slip close, just enjoying the peace that you hadn’t experienced in what felt like a lifetime as Tom’s voice lightly hummed through your head. That was until Nova decieded to interrupt the calm just once more. She grumbled insistently and squirmed in her Dads lap, before heavily pulling her head up and blinking at you - holding her arms out expectantly. 

“Think she wants her mum” Tom whispered, already lifting her over to you as you sat slightly bemused by the whole situation. Tom was home, her daddy was home, why did she want you? Tom laughed at your quizzical face as Nova burrowed her nose into you neck, letting out a contented huff. “My girls huh?”

“I promise you this is the first time this weekend she’s acknowledged me as anything more than mrs truchbull!”

“Well she’s spent all evening telling me about how good you are at baking and how your paw patrol voices are better than mine.” He murmured his words lowly, so as not to disturb Nova who was already asleep on your chest.

“She did?”

“She loves her mum… almost as much as I do” Chuckling, Tom wrapped his arm round you, pulling the both of you down to his chest while you swore your heart was exploding. 

“I love you too Tommy” 

Safe to say you and Nova were both exhausted, so after an almost shamefully short time your head rested heavier and heavier on Tom’s shoulder whilst he aimlessly carded his fingers through the ends of your hair. You really were an exceptionally amazing mother, before Nova Tom assumed he couldn’t love you anymore and yet seeing you cuddled up to his baby girl - his feelings for you could only grow infinitely. Making the executive decision to not move either of you upstairs to bed, he instead reached over to grab the blanket. He draped it over himself and his two best girls, choosing to stay in that magical moment for as long as possible. 

He loved his beautiful family of three.

And tess … Tess too ;)

[coffeetablettowers]

Title: Rub-a-dub-dub Orange in the Tub Pairing: Orange Cassidy/Chuck Taylor Rated: G Summary: Orange is too tired to shower. Chuck comes to the rescue

Today was supposed to be a day off for Orange. Supposed to was the key word. Instead he found himself doing chore after chore as he cleaned up the apartment. He loaded the dishes in the dishwasher, he vacuumed the whole apartment, he washed, dried, and put away his clothes instead of leaving them in a basket for days to end up needing to be thrown in the dryer again just to get the wrinkles out. After Chuck cooked dinner for them he reloaded the dishwasher. His final act of doing something productive was putting his and Chucks' cellphones on their chargers. All he wanted to do was lay down, but then he remembered something and groaned.

He needed to take a shower.

His energy level already felt depleted for the day. If it could go into the negatives it probably would, but he knew he had to get this one last chore out of the way. His feet felt so heavy though with each step he took to the restroom. As he entered the restroom he collapsed onto his knees, arms hanging over the bath tub with his head resting against it. Orange doesn't know how long he had been like that when he heard Chuck's concerned voice.

"Hey, buddy... You okay?"

Orange forced himself to lift his head to look up at chuck. He shook his head no and slowly lifted a hand to point at the shower head. Chuck, already used to how Orange gets when he overexerts himself, followed the finger and then looked back down at him.

"Oh, you want a shower." Chuck kneeled down and placed a hand on Orange's knee. "Well buddy, you're lucky you got me around. How about I give you a bath instead." Orange nodded, but didn't make any attempt to move. Chuck knew that with him suggesting it basically meant he transferred all the power to himself so he now had to do everything for orange. Chuck fiddled with the nobs, checked the water temperature with his wrist, and then set the plug. Now that that was taken care of he could put his focus onto Orange.

Carefully Chuck nudged Orange to where his body was facing him. He could say this was pathetic, but to him there was no such thing as calling Orange anything negative. "Alright, gonna need to take your clothes off. Let's start with your shirt." Slowly Chuck tucked in Orange's arms into his sleeves and worked the shirt over his head. It ruffled his blonde hair a bit and Chuck let out a short-lived laugh. "Sorry, I know this is nothing to laugh about, but your hair is everywhere." Orange looked at him and gave a smirk to show he approved of the small teasing. "Now time for the ol' pants and boxers." With that chuck shimmied both articles of clothing all the way off of their owner. Orange was now sitting in their restroom stark naked. If he was any other person he would feel embarrassed to have somebody see him naked, but Orange had no shame. Were it any other time where he had the energy and he was undressing himself with Chuck walking into the restroom he would continue what he was doing, turn around, and bend down to give Chuck a view.

But for now Orange was sitting on the bathroom floor trying not to nod off.

The water was at the perfect level for a bath. Chuck turned the nobs for the water to turn off. Then he slowly moved himself so that he could place Orange's arm around his shoulder and his legs underneath his arms. With one swift movement Chuck lifted Orange and slowly placed him in the warm bath. Orange let out a sigh as his body became submerged. Chuck watched Orange settle into the bath before standing up to gather the wash clothe and Orange's, what Chuck consider fancy, noir 3-in-1 face, hair, and body wash. Even though Chuck thought it was high class of Orange to buy this he had to admit that he loved the smell of it, which meant he loved Orange's scent of vanilla, cardamom, and what he can only describe as Orange's natural musk. He also had to have known Orange to find a way to find a product that combined being used for both his hair and body and still have it leave his hair so soft.

After gathering the needed items Chuck kneeled next to the tub and cupped his hands underneath the water. "Alright, buddy, gonna start pouring water on your hair. I'll try not to get it in your eyes." Orange summoned all the strength he had to give Chuck a half thumbs up before it quickly dropped back into the water. People may think that he only does that as a gimmick, but Chuck learned that he does that outside of the ring as well. After scooping and wetting Orange's hair until it was practically plastered on his head Chuck opened the noir bottle and squeezed a bit of gel into his hand. Rubbing his hands together Chuck then started to massage it into Orange's hair. For having big hands Chuck was very delicate when it came to Orange. He only used his finger tips to massage against the other's scalp. Again Orange let out a little, content sigh. "You like that, huh?" Chuck asked. He didn't expect to receive a reply so he continued on by washing his hands and rinsing Orange's hair. After Orange's hair was yet again plastered to his head Chuck wet the wash clothe, squirted some gel on it, and massaged it between his hands. Silently Chuck began to tenderly scrub Orange's arms and body with one hand and using the other hand to splash water on Orange to rinse him. It was a quiet few minutes before Chuck began to hum. It wasn't any song in particular, but silent rooms always made him nervous so he just made music. Orange didn't care. This was bliss to him and the humming was very melodic. Soon chuck was lifting Orange's legs and scrubbing them and his feet down one at a time and softly placing them back in the water.

Dropping the wash clothe in the tub Chuck grabbed a towel and then left. Orange's eyes were shut, but he could feel that chuck's presence wasn't there. It was only a minute Chuck was gone though because he came back with the biggest shirt he owned and a pair of Orange's boxers. "I know it felt great being pampered, but the fun's over. Time to get out." Setting the clothes aside Chuck reached down to unplug the tub while he steadied himself to lift up a slippery Orange. To Chuck's amazement Orange steadied himself on his feet, using Chuck as an anchor. Chuck took a step back and allowed Orange to step out of the tub. Chuck couldn't help himself but be in awe at how a simple bath that he gave to Orange helped him regain some of his strength. Meanwhile Orange was just standing there starting to shiver. Chuck snapped out of it, grabbed the towel, and started to softly pat Orange dry. He ruffled orange's hair dry and chuckled when Orange looked up at him with a pout. "Sorry. I couldn't help myself." Chuck decided to press his luck and quickly kissed that pout. For once Orange's eyes widened, but then went back to their neutral state. There was a smile instead of a pout now.

Chuck grabbed the boxers and this time just held them out for Orange to step into and pulled them up. Then he grabbed the big shirt and draped it over Orange's body. He could have gotten Orange's own clothes, but 1. He figured orange would want to be comfortable and 2. He kind of likes seeing Orange wear his clothes. With the bath done Chuck took Orange's hand and led him to their bed. Orange did not even bother to get under the covers. He laid down on top of the blanket and muttered a, "Thanks Chuck", before falling asleep.

"Welcome," Chuck said before moving to turn the light off and getting himself changed for bed.

[madfishmonger]

The Layers Method

So as an ADHD person who spent the first several years of her life living in an incredibly cluttered mess of an apartment, I developed a cleaning method that not only helped me keep the place clean but taught me what clutter was and how to clean. If this helps please let me know. I call this the layers method.

This is to be done room by room or section by section if the room is too large. This is ideal for very cluttered rooms but it works even in a light clutter situation.

Have such a huge mess that you don't even know where to start? Try this.

Step one: prepare

You will need a container for garbage, recycling, and a place to put knick knacks. Ensure you have a place to put dishes and dirty laundry. You don't have to do them just yet, just make sure you have a place to put them all together. If you have a dishwasher or full dish rack, put away all the clean dishes now so you have room to put in the dirty ones. Have a laundry hamper or basket nearby or even just a corner where you're going to throw the clothes. You will also need a folder, box, or other containers for paperwork.

Step two:

Take your garbage container and go through the room/section you are intending to clean. Pick up all garbage as you go and put it directly into the garbage container. If you come across any other objects or have to move things in order to get to the garbage, do that but don't get distracted. You are only picking up garbage. you are not finished until you have picked up and put into the container all of the garbage in the room.

The point here is to play a game of hide and seek with your items. Think of it like those complex images where you're supposed to find something. Hone in your focus on your current layer task. Imagine your HUD targeting these items in your vision.

Next do the same with recycling if needed.

Step 3: Dishes

Go through the room and pick up all dishes. Clean ones are put away, dirty ones are collected in one space such as the sink or the dishwasher. Again don't worry about having to wash the dishes, we're just collecting them for now.

Step 4: Laundry

Go through the room with your laundry container and put all laundry inside the container. Don't worry about having to do the laundry just get it all in one spot.

Step 5: Paperwork

Pick up anything that is paper - bills, envelopes, letters, anything on paper goes in this container.

Step 6: Knick-knacks - little figurines or decorative items or just things you don't know where they go. Put them in a box.

Step 7: if you still have energy, now is a good time to sweep, vacuum, mop, and or dust whatever needs doing the most. You don't really need to worry about doing a perfect job, you can give things a quick once over if you like depending on your energy levels. Don't overexert yourself.

Step 8: by now you should have a fairly tidy space with a few piles of things to deal with. Now is the time to start going through your stuff, again if you have the energy. Pick any of the following. Remember that you can spread these steps out over however many hours or days you need.

- Taking the garbage and the recycling out is one of the easiest and fastest ways to declutter. Get it all the way outside to your disposal, you don't want all that rot and germs in your living space. I always suggest this first and often.

- Start your dishwasher, or start on the easy dishes the ones that aren't too dirty. Work your way through the pile. Soak the extra dirty ones. Dishwasher sucks? Run it multiple times instead of pre washing. Save yourself hassle.

- Throw a load of laundry in and set a timer so you don't forget when it's time to put it in the dryer (and set a timer for that too).

- When you're sitting and watching a show or something go through your paperwork or knick-knack box. Sort things into stuff you could give away, get rid of, or keep and try and find a good place for them.

In the long run, your goal is a place for everything and everything in its place. But when you're still learning how to manage your own place, don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just gathering items into groups and having them all in the same place makes cleaning much easier to manage. Taking things one layer at a time turns a cluster fuck of a room in to a tidy space in less time than you imagine (and much faster and more efficient than my previous distracted all-over-the-place method).

Hope this helps, please share with anyone you think could use it.

You don't have to be ADHD, any massive cleaning job can benefit from this method style in order to break it down into manageable bits. It can also be a great way to teach kids how to clean their rooms.

[janeyseymour]

Have You Been Taking Care of Yourself?- a fanfic

prompt: Have you been taking care of yourself?

WC: 2044

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for Jane Seymour to be seen around the house, around the theatre, around the town doing what she could for others. It was very rare that she ever took the time to take care of herself, although she would tell you that by taking care of others she was taking care of herself. 

“Okay guys,” Jane addressed the group as she loaded the dishes from dinner into the dishwasher. “So, tomorrow we only have a night show- no matinee. I’ll clean up around the house in the morning, but then I promised Val I would help out at the library for a little bit- you know just clean up some of the children’s sections and organize a bit. You know how kids can get.” 

The blonde closed the door to the dishwasher before forgetting that she didn’t put in the dish detergent. “Do you think you could all manage to get to the theatre on time? Because Joan wants to run that new little lick that she thought would go well in my song before we put it in. And then the next day, I think I’m going to volunteer at the food pantry in the morning before the shows, but I was thinking we could all have dinner after? I’ll cook. And oh, Kat: don’t think I’ve forgotten about that shirt I told you I would embroider.” She closed the dishwasher once more, this time loaded with detergent before pressing the start button. Turning to her family, she put her hands on her hips and looked at the youngest. “I’ll do that after the show tomorrow.”

“You sound like you really have your days planned out for the next few days,” Catherine noted diligently.

The third monarch grinned. “I like to stay busy. Now, I’ve got to go to my room to coordinate a few things for tomorrow with Val, but I’ll be sure to make my rounds before I head to bed. If you need me, don’t hesitate to knock, yes?” The other five queens nodded their heads, watching in wonderment as the woman dressed in grey made her way up the stairs.

“Does she-” Cathy started.

“There’s no way she doesn’t,” Anne finished.

“She’s well aware that Edward's birthday and her death day are coming soon. She’s doing what she can to distract herself,” Catherine stated as if it was obvious. “She isn’t ignoring it, although she’s doing her best to try.”

“How are we supposed to help her?” Kat wondered.

“I suppose we just let her live. If she wishes to distract herself, then sobeit. We just have to be there when she breaks.”

“I think we can do that,” the fourth queen affirmed.

A week had passed, and Jane was still on the move- desperate as ever to get her mind off of her son and her untimely passing. Only, it was getting harder. 

Any time she slept now, Edward haunted her dreams. Sometimes it was his birth all over again, the feeling of a three day labor returning. Other times, it was as though she was an angel watching over him as he mused his wishes for his mother to come back. Once it was the blonde boy confronting her angrily over her death- how could she leave him with such a horrible father, and wasn’t she supposed to be the first woman he would ever love; but he would never get that chance since she had the audacity to slip away from him before they could properly meet. 

The blonde had been making meals for the queens for days now- something that each of the other queens knew was Jane’s way of coping. The third queen was already in the kitchen cooking or baking more than the others ever were, but it was more and more that the house smelled of something sweet being baked. Jane never ate any of it; she gave it away instead to those that she loved: her family, the food bank down the road, those at the theatre she thought could use a pick-me-up. The thought of food at this point made the woman nauseous. Not knowing if she could stomach the food, she had resorted to supplementing with a protein shake before continuing on with her hectic days she had planned. 

“So, are we going to ignore Janey’s death day like she is or...?” the second queen questioned after the silver queen had excused herself from the table that night. Edward’s birthday had come and gone, and it seemed as though Jane was doing just fine.

“If this is how she’s coping with it- I know it isn’t necessarily healthy- but who are we to try to get her upset over it?” The writer wondered aloud.

“I’m not sure she’s coping with it very well though,” Kat sighed into her hand, half asleep. “Last night when I went to her room, she was wide awake. I didn’t think she’s been sleeping at night, so I stayed awake all night. She was awake too, until like five in the morning. I could practically hear the gears in her mind turning. Once she fell asleep, I did too, but when I woke up she wasn’t asleep anymore.”

“She was downstairs and saw me out for my run at six this morning,” Cleves muttered. “Has she not been sleeping at all these past few nights?”

“If you’ll excuse me, I think I have to go talk to Jane.” Catherine pushed herself up from her seat before beginning to make her way out of the room.

“Don’t you think-” Parr started.

“Querida, whatever is happening is far more unhealthy than Jane just letting herself break. Someone needs to talk to her,” the gold queen stated triumphantly before continuing up the steps and towards the grey room.

“Jane, love? Can I come in?” When the first queen heard no response, she assumed that the third queen was finally getting the shuteye she needed, but her light was still on. Turning the knob and letting herself into the room though, she found a puffy-eyed Jane Seymour awake and trembling.

“Oh honey,” Aragon sighed as she made her way across the room.

“I thought I could handle it this year,” the blonde winced as she busied herself with folding laundry. “If I just continued on like it was any other day, I thought I could handle it.”

Catherine plucked the shirt out of the trembling woman’s hands before folding it and placing it in the pile. Grabbing another, she asked, “Have you been taking care of yourself? Like, really and truly taking care of yourself? None of that ‘by taking care of others, I am taking care of myself’ shit.” Jane shook her head defeatedly.

“I haven’t slept more than two hours a night in the past two weeks, Lina. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is him.”

“Him?” The gold queen froze, the pants in her hands half folded.

The silver queen looked at Catalina for the first time since she entered the room before solemnly whispering, “Eddie.”

“Oh honey.” The pair of pants having been dropped to the ground, the elder queen embraced the third with all the love she could muster up. “You must be exhausted.”

“I am,” the younger monarch’s voice broke a little as she buried her face in the other’s shoulder. “I haven’t been able to eat either. I don’t think I can stomach anything at the moment, and I haven’t been able to since three days before his birthday.”

“When you went into labor,” Catherine sighed, a wave of sadness twinging through her for her friend. Jane nodded. “I’m so sorry, love. Why didn’t you-”

“Because I knew you would all dote on me, and I just don't know if I could handle that again. It’s like it makes it worse when you do. All that swims through my mind is Edward and the fact that I-” the younger queen pulled away from the woman dressed in yellow before mumbling, “-I failed him. I thought if I could take care of others, it would help me like it usually does but...”

“Querida, this is a completely different situation, and you did not have to go through it alone.”

“I’m sorry,” was all the troubled woman could breathe out.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for honey. But instead of taking this all on by yourself and constantly caring for others, why don’t you let us take care of you for a change? Nothing has to be out of the ordinary.”

“How would we even do that?”

“We treat it as though you’re on your period. I’m assuming you’ve been having phantom pains that you’ve just been ignoring?” Catherine voiced. When Jane meekly nodded, the first queen all but scooped her up into her arms and placed her in her bed. “I’ll be back in a few moments.”

“Please don’t leave me,” the blonde whimpered out. 

“I won’t be but a few minutes,” she assured the woman in bed. When she noticed the pout that was beginning to grow on the younger woman’s face, Catherine pulled out her cell phone to text Kat. “What if I had Kat come keep you company while I just do a few things downstairs? I promise you I won’t be more than ten minutes.” Seeing that Jane seemed content with the plan, she asked the fifth queen to come keep the third monarch company for a few minutes. 

“I’ve been summoned?” the pink haired queen joked before sliding onto the bed next to her maternal figure. When Jane grimaced in pain, Katherine immediately backed off.

“No, no, please come here. I’m fine.” The blonde waved a hand dismissively. “Just a bit of cramping, but nothing will stop me from-”

“Say no more Mum. You just tell me if you get uncomfortable, and I’ll help you in any way I can,” Kat told the woman gently.

Satisfied that Jane was finally taking a moment to rest, Catherine made her way out of the room.

When Catalina walked downstairs, she heard the television playing softly, but all eyes were on her.

“So?” the television show now forgotten about, the four women on the couch were staring at her curiously.

“She hasn’t slept more than two hours each night since three night’s before Edward’s birthday. She hasn’t eaten much since then either, unsure if she could stomach anything other than a light protein shake in the mornings. It’s no wonder she looks like absolute hell: the malnutrition along with the lack of sleep would have anyone looking like a zombie.”

“And yet she still looks like our Janey, although a few pounds lighter if I do say so myself,” Anne noted.

“Her sweater did look a bit bigger on her now that you mention it,” Cathy added on.

“So what are we doing about it?” Anna looked ready to help in any way she could.

“She doesn’t want us to make a big fuss over it. Says it makes it worse than it already is. I told her we could handle it like we handle any particularly bad period for any of us.”

“I’ll go get the heating pad.” Cathy stood from her place and headed to her room.

“I’ll make some toast,” Anne replied and made her way to the kitchen.

When Catherine gave her a stern look, Cleves sighed. “I’ll go cut up some bananas for the bread and make sure Boleyn doesn’t burn down the house making toast.”

“Very well. I’ll be in Jane’s room.”

That night, Jane slept peacefully with her five housemates by her side. For the first time in three weeks, the blonde queen was able to close her eyes without being harassed with terrible thoughts flooding her brain. Instead, her dreams were pleasant: a young blonde boy, a striking image of Jane (no Henry could be detected in this boy), enjoying the day with his mother- the five other queens included.

When the third queen woke up the next morning, she was greeted with a breakfast made by the house’s very own Catherine of Aragon. At her place sat a note:

Take care of yourself, and when you can’t: Let us take care of you.

[ridiculousn3sswrites]

Please Mami

*Anthony Ramos x Reader

*Request: ‘Anonymous asked: Can you do an Anthony Ramos x reader where he begs like mars in She’s gotta have it??. Yknow, that cute little “please mami, please mami, mami mami please, por favor?” Lmao there’s a vid on YouTube for reference if you don’t know what I’m talking about (Mars Blackmon || Anthony Ramos)’

*Warnings: References to not-PG times, minor argument. Let me know if I missed anything.

*A/N: Okay I’m back from my little break, thanks to everyone for understanding. Also welcome to the resurgence of the Hamilton fandom. (This was gonna be a smut one but I have a different prompt thing I wanna use for my first smut fic and I’m thinking it’s gonna be with Bucky Barnes but lemme know if you guys have any suggestions for who it should be with.)

My Ko-Fi if you want to support my writing

**********

When Anthony got the role of Mars, you were overjoyed for him. The goofy character really fit your boyfriend, and when you actually sat down to watch the show with him, you were immensely proud of him. The downside of watching the show with him right next to you was that Anthony immediately noticed your reactions to everything. You were laying on the couch with Anthony behind you, his arm lazily draped over your middle, when he first said those lines that would become a fan favorite.

“Please mami. Please mami. Mami mami please. Por favor,” Mars was telling Nola on the tv in front of you. You couldn’t help your reaction, tensing a little at the pleading but teasing tone he took on. There was just something about it that you couldn’t quite place, and of course Anthony noticed it.

“What’s up, baby?” Anthony asked, pressing a kiss to your cheek, then another to your neck. A shiver of anticipation ran through your body, even though the actions were mostly innocent. You tried to laugh it off, turning your head so you could look at him better.

“It’s nothing, let me watch the show,” you said, focusing on keeping your voice steady. If Anthony figured out what was going on, you’d never hear the end of it. You turned back to the tv, hoping that would be the end of it.

“C’mon, tell me,” Anthony whined, now pressing his face into the side of your neck. “What’s got you so tense? Please, Mami?”

There was no hiding the pause you took then, and Anthony definitely noticed. He sat back a little, trying to catch your eye, but you kept your stare at the tv. “Shut up,” you finally muttered, trying to ignore the heat in your face.

You were trying to avoid Anthony’s gaze, and when you chanced a glance from the corner of your eye, you could see the small grin on his face. “So that’s what’s up?” Anthony immediately teased, eyes lighting up at the new information.

“I said shut up,” you groaned.

“Don’t be embarrassed, baby. At least you got turned on by me and not someone else.” Of course that’s what he would focus on. Now that he had something against you, you knew he’d use it sooner or later. 

“Please let’s never talk about this again,” you practically begged. Anthony shook his head, and by the grin on his face, you knew he would bring it up again eventually.

“Fine, I’ll leave you alone for now.” Anthony pressed his face back into the side of your neck. You could feel his little smile again and it took everything in you not to swat at him. “I‘m warning you, I do that little begging thing a couple other times so if you can control yourself.”

“That’s not leaving me alone,” you whined. Anthony started peppering kisses to your face, and it didn’t take long for you to dissolve into laughter. The second he saw you weren’t actually mad at him, Anthony pressed his lips against yours, drawing you into a sweet kiss. You broke it after a couple seconds, just looking at Anthony with a small smile before you spoke again. “C’mon, lemme watch the show.”

**********

You were right. Once it became obvious Anthony had something over you, he began using it to his advantage pretty much any chance he got. He wanted you to go to an event that you didn’t really feel like going to? He did the little begging thing, and then you were off getting ready to go meet up with the others. Anthony came home late from the studio when the two of you had plans for a night in? He begged a little, and you quickly forgot why you were upset. If Anthony was in any sort of trouble with you, all it took was two words: “Please mami.”

There was one night that you were determined you weren’t going to give in to him, no matter how attractive you found that little begging thing. Before you left for work that morning, you asked Anthony to do three things before he left for the studio later: turn on the heater (just enough so the apartment wouldn’t be freezing when you got back), run the dishwasher (that you loaded with the exception of the plate and cup he was using when you left), and fold the laundry that was in the basket. You unlocked the door to your apartment, and instead of a nice rush of warmth meeting you, the apartment felt the same temperature as it was outside. Strike one.

You kept your coat on, going to turn on the heater. You were going to keep your coat on until it got warm enough, which should not have happened. Looking around the apartment, you hoped the heater was the only thing Anthony had forgotten about. You put your bag down on the sofa before going to the kitchen. You were going to grab a cup from the dishwasher when you noticed the light wasn’t turned on. There was supposed to be a white light on to let you know the dishes were done, but since Anthony didn’t run the dishwasher, there was no light. You looked in the sink and sure enough, there were the dishes he used in the morning. Strike two.

The apartment was finally starting to warm up so you took off your coat, deciding to forgo getting water. You went to the room, hoping Anthony had at least folded the clothes you asked him to. Apparently that was too much to hope for when you saw the basket at the foot of your bed. Strike three. A groan just seemed to rip itself out of you, but you didn’t have the patience to actually deal with it. You grabbed one of Anthony’s hoodies from the laundry basket and just went to go shower.

Standing under the hot water, you tried to organize your thoughts. You’d asked Anthony to do a few things before he left for the studio that day, of which he did none. You knew Anthony worked a lot on his music, and it wasn’t necessarily easy work, but you worked too, and you still did housework that needed to be done. You never really asked Anthony to do much around the apartment, so when you asked him to do things, you expected them to get done. It was perfectly reasonable for you to be upset, and you weren’t going to give in to him so easily.

When Anthony got home, he found you in bed, working on your laptop in just his hoodie (from what he could see). He smiled at the sight, a warmth blooming in him at the sight of you. “Hey, baby. How was work?”

You looked up from your laptop, looking back at the screen before you answered him. “It was alright. I had to stay a little late but it wasn’t too bad.”

Anthony was a little confused at your short answer. Normally by now you’d be in some story about your coworkers, and even though he didn’t really understand your office dynamics, he always liked hearing the stories. He sat at the foot of the bed, reaching for your hand. When you pulled it back from him, he knew something was wrong. “What’s up? Did something happen at work?”

“No, work was fine. My issue happened when I got home,” you said, looking at him once again. You could practically see his thought process as he tried to remember what he did. Once it hit him, he turned to you with the most apologetic look.

“I forgot to do what you asked me to,” Anthony said. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I was writing something new and just lost track of time, then I was running late to the studio-”

You put up your hand to stop his rambling. “Anthony, I don’t need excuses right now. I didn’t ask you to do much. The only thing that would have taken a little while is the laundry. I know you work a lot, but I do too and I still do things that need to be done.”

“I know, baby, please forgive me? Please, mami?” Anthony was looking up at you with those damn puppy dog eyes and you were this close to giving in. But no, you needed to stand your ground, even if it was just this once.

“And that! You always do that when you even think I’m mad at you. Like yeah, it’s attractive, but you can’t just do that every time you’re in the slightest bit of trouble,” you argued, even though you kept your voice soft. This wasn’t really something you felt the need to yell about, you just needed Anthony to know. Anthony nodded, not wanting to say anything just yet.

“Yeah, I get you. I’m sorry, baby. I know you do a lot around here and I gotta help out more. I’m gonna go shower, wait up for me?” Anthony asked, standing up. You nodded, and Anthony gave you a soft smile before leaving the room. You closed your laptop and placed it on the nightstand, not sure if you were actually willing to wait for him or if you just wanted to go to sleep. It took a few seconds of internal debate before you finally just laid in bed, looking through Twitter as you waited for Anthony.

The day’s events caught up to you as you laid in bed, your entire body filling with exhaustion as you scrolled on your phone. Just as you were a second away from dropping your phone on your face, Anthony came back in the room. As soon as you saw him, you put down your phone. You’d fulfilled your promise, now you were okay to go to sleep. You heard Anthony saying something as you were already drifting off, but you didn’t have enough energy to focus on what he said. The light turned off, and then you felt the weight of his arm around you, pulling you close to him as you fell asleep.

At some point in the night, you woke up for a few seconds as Anthony left the bed. You remembered saying some gibberish in your half-asleep state and Anthony laughing before telling you to go back to sleep. The next time you woke up, the sun was streaming in through your window, but the bed beside you was still cold. You patted the bed as if Anthony would magically appear if you managed to reach far enough, but after a couple seconds you gave up and decided to go looking for him in the apartment. As far as you knew, the both of you had the day off and had no plans, so Anthony should still be home.

When you walked out of the bedroom, you could already tell something was different. It took you a second, but then you realized one of your cleaning candles was lit - the candles you only lit after completely cleaning the apartment. You didn’t think much of it - after all, Anthony didn’t really know the difference between your cleaning candles and your normal candles - but when you got to the living room, you saw why it was lit.

Anthony was in the kitchen, putting food on two plates. From where you were standing, you couldn’t see any dishes on the stove or on the counter. Even more than Anthony apparently doing the dishes as he cooked, you saw that the kitchen and living room were completely cleaned, which you were supposed to do that day. “Babe, what time did you wake up?” You asked.

Anthony jumped slightly at your voice, immediately pouting when he looked up and you were standing pretty much in front of him. “You weren’t supposed to be awake yet. I was gonna bring you breakfast in bed.”

“Sorry I ruined your surprise.” You wanted to laugh, but you could tell Anthony probably wouldn’t want to hear that. “But really, what time did you wake up?”

“I dunno, like five? I couldn’t really sleep because I know I let you down, so I wanted to do something for you,” he explained, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t want you mad at me, especially since this is the first day in a while we can just chill.”

You closed the little distance between the two of you, wrapping your arms around his waist as you looked up at him. “I wasn’t mad-“ Anthony narrowed his eyes the second you said that- “okay, so I was a little mad. I just need you to do the small things when I ask you to, all right?”

“Of course, and I swear Imma get better at it. I mean, I live here too, you shouldn’t be the one doing all the housework.” Anthony wrapped his arms around your waist, forcing you to move yours around his neck. The two of you just stood like that for a minute, looking at each other and enjoying the feeling of being in the other’s arms. Anthony was the one to break the silence. “Do you forgive me?”

You had to bite back your smile at the look on his face, he was like a little kid who got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. “I dunno, it was hell waiting for the apartment to warm up when I got home,” you decided to tease him instead.

“Aw come on, baby, I’m sorry. Forgive me? Please, mami? Please, mami? Mami mami please. Por favoooorrr,” Anthony whined, stretching out the last word. You couldn’t help the burst of giggles at his antics, only getting worse once he began pressing kisses all over your face. “Please, mami?”

“Okay, okay, I give,” you laughed. “And not just because you did that.”

“Nah, yeah, I didn’t think that’d be the reason.” Anthony beamed down at you. You had a second before Anthony suddenly picked you up, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. Once he was sure he wasn’t going to drop you, he pressed a sound kiss to your lips. You quickly found yourself lost in the kiss, barely registering the fact that Anthony was walking.

“Babe, the food you made’s gonna get cold,” you broke the kiss to say once you realized he was walking to the bedroom.

“That’s fine,” he muttered, kissing your neck. A shiver ran through you, and you knew you were about two seconds from completely giving in to him. It would be just in time too, considering you were already in your bedroom. “Please, mami?”

And there it was. “Alright, but don’t complain when the food doesn’t taste as good.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

**********

Permanent Tag List: @treatallwithkindness

[imagineclaireandjamie]

Shielded. Chapter Four

Happy Sunday all, back to the usually scheduling this week. I hope you enjoy the next week of lockdown with Jamie and Claire <3 Mod MBD.

Anonymous said to imagineclaireandjamie: 

It does not matter what you bear, but how you bear it. [Seneca]

CHAPTER FOUR: WEEK TWO - Home and Away.

As Monday rolled around again, the weekend having passed by in a blur, Claire sat at the breakfast table with a fresh cup of coffee in her hands. Having ventured down during the day on both Saturday and Sunday, she had hoped to bump into Jamie and pass on her thanks to his generosity but he had been out before sunrise each day and she had been asleep before he’d returned home.

Resolute, however, she chose to spend her day downstairs and hopefully get something on for dinner before he came back so she could at least start the week off right.

Fate, however, wasn’t on her side. By 10pm, with the lasagne tucked away, wrapped in foil, in the fridge, she covered her mouth with a yawn and pulled herself up the stairs to bed.

The crash and smashing of a glass bought her out of her sleep as the clock beside her bed clicked over to 3am. Pulling herself from beneath the sheets, she crept downstairs, eager not to scare him as she approached the kitchen.

“Couldn’t sleep?” She asked, knowing full well he had only just returned home.

He was stood by the sink, cold lasagna on the countertop and his mucky boots still on his feet. With the fork held to his mouth, he smiled as he took another bite of the pasta, chewed and then shook his head. “I havena ever been the best sleeper but it’s lambing season, aye? One of them got into bother and I couldna leave her until I knew she was safe.”

“And she made it?”

“Aye. I was luckier tonight than I was at the weekend.”

“Oh, dear...that doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s the job, I’m afraid. If I didna lose at least a handful a year I’d be shocked.”

It was the first real (and longest) conversation they’d had since she’d arrived and she was suddenly grateful for the company. He was calm, grounded and relaxed in the way a lot of city dwellers weren’t. She could tell in the slump of his shoulders that it didn’t matter how long and awkward his day was, how messy or how little sleep he had gotten the night before, he was still weightless almost, free of the constraint modern living brought to most.

“I wanted to say thank you,” she broke in, remembering the reason she’d half-blindly stumbled down in the middle of the night, “you’ve been so amazing - to get me materials for a garden, that’s...above and beyond the call of duty.”

“Ach,” shaking his head, he finished the last of his supper, balled the tin foil up and placed it in the bin, “dinna fash yersel’ about that. It’s no’ a problem.”

He was embarrassed, she could tell. Abashed, his accent had become incredibly thick and almost impossible to understand. But it was quiet enough here that there was no background noise to blot out his sentence and luckily she didn’t have to ask him to repeat himself.

“Well, nonetheless,” ignoring the slight reddening of his cheeks she continued, “I am very grateful to you. For everything.”

With nothing more to say between them, she waved, smiled and backed off, feeling strangely pleased with herself for breaking the silence between them. Hopefully, she thought as she climbed the stairs back to her room, there would be some evenings in the future when they could eat together and she could show her appreciation by making him something warm and fresh.

-- --

By mid-week, she had yet to see Jamie again. His work was intense, and yet, despite that, he had still managed to begin construction of her tiny garden.

In her haste she had forgotten that she wasn’t allowed outside the house and, as she’d watched the greenhouse foundations being laid, she had become almost inconsolable about the fact that she probably wouldn’t get the chance to tend to any of the produce grown in it.

She knew, however, that safety was more important than new hobbies and she chose, instead, to make detailed lists of the daily needs of each of the seeds and plants Jamie had procured for her.

She started with the tomatoes and grapes, which needed to be contained within the glass walls in order to collect enough light and heat to survive. She noted water levels, soil PH and balance and daily rituals which would need to be abided by in order for the best crop to be formed. It filled most of her days and when the sun went down, she’d swap her notepad for the computer as she researched all the differences she might see in her fruit and veg determined all by the way they were treated as they grew.

Though she had never been an artist, she started to search for youtube videos on how botanical art could be created. Having no coloured pencil crayons or watercolours, she stuck to pencil sketches and began to leave more post-it’s, this time with future predictions on what the garden might produce for the household.

Once again Jamie enjoyed coming home. There had only been a few days lapse in her communications but when he didn’t see her for days, it was the one thing he could rely on to buoy his spirits.

They were different, in so many ways, but on a subconscious level, he pondered to himself at night as he held the drawing of some rare cabbage in his hands, Jamie felt as if they had very many similar quirks. He’d been pleased that his idea to leave her be for as long as she needed had been a success and was grateful she felt at home enough to reform her life around his. Her asking for the garden made him realise how easy it might be for someone else to fit into his own life without causing him much grief.

It was only a small thing, but to him it had made a huge difference. Having lived alone for so long, he had almost forgotten how malleable people could be. Though, he thought as he rifled around in the fridge for more pre-made meals, he had probably just gotten lucky with Claire.

The thought also occurred to him that she had been inadvertently raised more suited to this life than her old one, but he didn’t know enough about her to advance on the notion.

It wasn’t until late on Thursday when they came face to face together. After another heavy day and late night, Jamie finally toe-ed off his work boots at nearly midnight and made his way, quietly, through to the kitchen.

He had not expected to nearly bump straight into Claire has she dished up what looked like a very tasty stir fry.

“I thought you might be sick of reheating pasta dishes, so I thought I’d try and wait for you this time.”

“Ye didna have to, it’s very late.” He scratched the back of his neck bashfully, even she couldn;t find the truth in his words and she smiled as she placed a fresh bottle of soy sauce in the centre of the table. “But this does smell delicious.”

“It’s taken me a few attempts to hone it, but I’ve been practicing most evenings this week to try and get it perfect, flavour as well as how long I need to cook the veg for.”

“What’s the meat?” He asked, watching as his stomach rumbled audibly.”

“I used the duck, I hope you don’t mind. I used chicken earlier in the week but I couldn’t seem to get it as tender as I wanted it and a few forums online suggested that duck might be a better substitute if I wanted meat with a bit more moisture.”

“Perfect. Use any meat you want from the freeze, for anything. Honestly, I forget most of the time what I’ve got in there.”

Placing several bowls filled with various meats, vegetables and sides, she went back to the sink to wash the remaining stickiness of her hands before beckoning him to start without her. “I had hoped you weren’t saving anything for a special occasion.”

“Ach, I think the virus has put pay to anything like that for a while,” he began, filling his plate with noodles, duck and beansprouts, “my sister - she lives in Canada now - had planned a summer visit, but we’re no’ sure of anything at the moment.”

“Is she the one in the photo,” Claire enquired, taking a mouthful of her own concoction and swallowing back the relief when it tasted nice - a mixture of sweet and savory that wasn’t as overpowering or as dry as it had been earlier on in the day when she’d made the first of the final tests. “The one with brown hair?”

“Aye, she is. Her partner, Ian, got a job out there a few years ago and they emigrated. We talk as often as we can on Skype and FaceTime but it’s become sporadic recently wi’ my erratic work hours. She’s a nurse, ya see, and works odd shift patterns too. But we try and keep in touch at least once a month.”

“Do you miss her?”

“I didna really think about it, we were close....until we werena. Then they moved away and I fell into a new routine.”

He had begun to speak without thinking, filling up the silence with answers to her questions as they ate in between conversation. He had, though, had the forethought to stop before giving too much away. The thought hurt his heart and he had to inhale between a bite of his dinner to gather himself back up. He knew, given time, that he would be alright with sharing his past (as he hoped she would be with hers) but tonight wasn’t the night for revelations.

Sensing his reluctance to continue, she moved on, understanding that she herself wasn’t in a place to open up about her own family life.

“I can imagine Skype is about the only way most are communicating at the moment.” Sighing, she started to collect the empty dishes and load the dishwasher. “I’m quite grateful, actually, that I don’t have anyone to keep in touch with. It’s all...quite scary.”

It was the first time Jamie had consciously thought about the pandemic, being cut off from the outside world had its benefits and he felt relieved that he could separate himself from the constant barrage of news that he supposed others would be exposed to. He realised that both he and Claire were unique now, part of a smaller section of society where being remote was almost a blessing rather than a curse.

“If you ever need to talk, lass,” standing, he helped to clean up the remaining mess from dinner, his hand almost brushing against hers as he wiped the countertop down, breaking only to hover for a second before returning to his job, “ye know where I am. Please dinna think you have nobody...if yer concerned, aye?”

“Thank you Jamie.” Pulling her fleece cardigan across her chest she walked slowly to the kitchen door, pausing for a second in the doorway just to make sure she’d left nothing out to go cold and mouldy overnight. “The same to you. I’m a good listener, I promise, if you ever need to talk, or if you need any help.”

She’d been thinking about his life on the farm for a few days now, watching the rolling hills out of her window, seeing the sheep and cattle on the horizon and -very occasionally- seeing the silhouette of him roaming his land. There was little she could do from indoors, she knew, but there had been chores around the house that she could potentially complete. Putting herself to task, she had learned new basic kitchen skills but only this morning she’d noticed the beginnings of a hole on the seam of his trousers as they dried on the rail in the courtyard and she thought it might be something she could tend to...should he be alright with it.

Leaving with the quiet settling calmly between them, she noted the relaxing of the muscles in his face as he smiled and nodded as she turned and carried herself to bed.

Resting against the faux-marble worktop, Jamie closed his eyes as he waited for the soft slam of her bedroom door before he followed her up. She just might, he thought to himself as he undressed himself, taking a towel from his radiator and making his way to the shower, be better equipped for this life than I am.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Seventy

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Fluff, smut, and um...butt stuff towards the end.

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

Due to getting up and taking Buster out, you had gotten into a habit of not cleaning up your breakfast in the morning. Harry would end up taking care of it for you. He didn’t mind at first because you usually left food for him to eat, and he was grateful he wasn’t on early morning duty with the dog. But was starting to get to him. He didn’t want it to make him run late to the studio now that Mariah and Isaac were coming in.

They were spending a lot of time making large prints and booklets. Harry had invested into some nice printers. Just another thing he could profit from later.

“Do you think Y/N will bring Buster by today?” Mariah asks him.

“I hope so.” He says. “Let me ask you somethin’, do you and Rachel ever fight?”

“Fight? Like argue?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah we do…we’re both pretty stubborn.” She laughs. “It’s always over stupid shit too. It’s not an all the time thing, but every couple fights, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Why, do you think you and Y/N fight a lot?”

“No, but when we do it’s always this big blow up. And it’s usually my fault.”

“Harry.” Isaac says. “I have seen you blow up at people time and time again, are you going to tell me that sweet girl is the one to go off on you?”

“Looks like Harry finally met his match.” Mariah smirks.

“I have a hard time gettin’ mad at her. Even when she’s angry with me, she’s still so cute.” They both laugh at him. “There are things she does, I just choose to let them go. Or if I get mad it’s usually for something stupid. I get jealous easily.”

“That’s because you’re a possessive prick.” Mariah says matter of factly.

“Is that so?” Harry asks with raised eyebrows.

“Harry, the cameras at Plant Geo are for everyone to use, and yet you somehow kept two in your office at all times so no one else could use them.”

“You know how it is when you get the settings just right.”

“Doesn’t matter. You like when your things stay yours. That gets old really quick.”

“So I’ve learned.”

The door opens and they hear the yipping of a dog. Harry turns around and smiles. He picks Buster up and he licks his cheek.

“There’s my boy!” He looks at you. “And my girl.”

“It looks so great in here you guys.” You smile brightly, and go to kiss Harry. He puts Buster down and lets him sniff and Isaac and Maria.

“Yeah it’s really coming together. We’re excited for the opening next month.”

“It’s gonna be great.”

“Wanna leave him here with me for a bit? Got his area set up now.”

“Oh…um, sure.”

“Want him to get used to the space, you know?”

“Right, yeah, that’s fine.” You look at Buster. “Wanna spend the afternoon with daddy, Buster?” The dog yips and you giggle.

“Daddy?” Isaac questions with a smirk.

“I am his father, aren’t I?” He asks, putting an arm around you. “And she’s his mummy, got a problem with it?”

“Not at all.” He laughs. “Mariah, let’s go get lunch. We can leave mummy and daddy here.”

“Good idea.”

The two leave and you give Harry another kiss. You go up with him to your office, and Buster plops on the floor.

“It looks so good in here, babe.”

“Thanks…hey can I talk to you about somethin’?”

“Course.”

“You, uh, keep leavin’ your dishes in the sink in the mornin’, and usually I don’t mind takin’ care of it, but it’s starting to make me run late…”

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry Harry. I didn’t even realize…I end up running around from working out and taking him out and all that. I can try to be better about not leaving a mess for you.”

“Like I said, I usually don’t mind, especially since you make me breakfast like every mornin’, it just piles up some days.”

“Say no more, I’ll just start putting everything in the dishwasher.”

“That’s another thing you typically leave for me…you never empty it. So when I’m doin’ the dishes I have to empty it and load it.” He rubs the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry Harry, I didn’t realize I was doing, or I guess wasn’t doing all that.”

“I feel bad even saying anything because you clean up so many other things.”

“No, don’t feel bad. If I’m doing something that bothers you I want you to tell me so I can work on it.” You wrap your arms around him. “It’s all good.” He kisses the top of your head and wraps his arms around you. “I should probably get going. I have a one o’clock meeting today.”

“Okay, I’m glad I got to see you today.” He kisses you.

“Me too, baby.” You kiss him back. You bend down and give Buster a hug. “You be good for daddy, no accidents.”

Harry walks you out, and off you go. You got home before him and decided to clean the entire kitchen. You felt really bad for leaving a mess behind for him. You knew you’d be annoyed too if he did the same thing to you. You were usually the cleaner one, but you were definitely slacking. You make up a nice salad with roasted chickpeas and wait for your boys to get home.

Harry came in around 7:30, and Buster came in rushing to you. You smile big at him and scratch his tummy when he gives it to you.

“You’re home later than I thought, sweetie.” You say looking up at him. “I made dinner.”

“Thanks, I should’ve texted you, I ate already.”

“Oh.” You stand up. “Leftovers then, no big deal.” You shrug. “It was just salad anyways. You all ate together?”

“Mhm.”

“How was Buster?”

“Good, barely made a peep. Took him across the street to the park for a little bit so he could run around. Should be all tuckered out.”

“You look so tired, why don’t you go shower or something and relax.” You smile at him.

“I’m fuckin’ stressed is what I am.” He walks by you to go into the kitchen, and you follow him in. He grabs a beer from the fridge. He looks around. “You clean in here?”

“Yeah, I wanted to tidy everything up for you.” His face softens a little.

“Thanks.” He takes a sip from his beer.

“What’s stressing you out?” You sit down at the island.

“I don’t know, what if Mariah can’t bring enough clients in, what if I can’t afford Isaac after a certain point, what if we don’t get walk ins, what if my clients want at home pictures instead of comin’ in. There’s just so much uncertainty that’s hitting me all at once.” You nod along as he takes another sip of his drink. “I just hope I didn’t make a big mistake.”

“Oh honey, you didn’t. You’re so talented, and you’re already booking out. You may have slower times than others, but that’ll just leave you to work on your own projects.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if there’s a trip you wanna take, or pictures you’ve been wanting to take you could. And then you could sell prints or something.”

“Suppose so…”

“You know what might be fun at some point? We could set up across the street at the park and take, like, family photos. You, me, and Buster, what do you think of that?”

Harry puts his drink down, walks over to where you’re sitting, and turns your seat towards him. He cups your cheeks in his hands and kisses you. You taste the beer on his tongue. You’re surprised at how lustful the kiss is.

“We really are a little family now, aren’t we?” He asks gently.

“Yes.” You wrap your arms around his neck.

“How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Always make me feel better…”

You smile and lean in to kiss him again. His hands grip at your hips and he picks you up. He puts you down on one of the kitchen counters. You tug at his hair as he continues to lick into your mouth. He tugs at the hem of your shirt and lifts it off. He unhooks your bra immediately, and before you can say anything his mouth is wrapping around one of nipples. He kneads the other one and you groan.

“Harry.” You breathe as your head rolls back.

He sucks on you harshly, then move to the other one. He nips at the upper part of your chest, and sucks your skin between his teeth. You pull him closer with your legs, needing more contact from him.

“Can I fuck you here?” He says in your ear and your toes curl.

“Yes.”

He undoes his belt and drops his pants just enough to let his dick out.

“Wait we need a condom.” He looks up at you incredibly annoyed.

“Why?”

“I went to urgent care today for my sinus infection and they gave me antibiotics. Some antibiotics can cancel out birth-control.”

“So I’ll put out and come on you.” You look at him. “Or, I’ll go get a condom.”

“Go with the latter.”

“Take your fuckin’ pants off.”

He groans and stomps his way down the hall to the bedroom and comes back with the foil packet. Your pants and underwear have been removed. The cold granite beneath you isn’t comfortable, but you know in a few minutes you won’t care. He grumbles while he rolls the condom on his dick and he looks at you.

“How long are you on the meds for?

“They gave me a z-pack because I have an ear infection too, so like five days. Not long.”

“That’s an eternity with these things.” He grips your hips and pulls you closer. “No wonder you had such a bad headache Saturday, poor thing.” He kisses your forehead, and then thrusts into you with no warning.

“Jesus!” You grip his shoulders.

He thrusts into you hard and fast, and you cling to him. You bite down into his shoulder. You didn’t want your moans to frighten Buster in the other room. It wasn’t often when you both had sex in the kitchen. It was the most comfortable place in the world to get railed, but he clearly needed this, he need you. He needed some time to focus solely on one thing, and that needed to be your body then so be it.

He picks you up of the counter and brings you to your fit. You look up at him confused. He spins you around and pushes your stomach against the counter. He enters you from behind. One hand on the back of your neck and the other gripping the hair on the back of your head. He was hitting you so deep. He was just being a little too rough with you.

“H, Harry, ease up a bit.” You say gritting your teeth.

“Where?”

“My hair, don’t pull my hair.”

He let’s go of it immediately and drops his hand to reach for your clit to soothe you a little. He moves his body closer to yours so his chest was pressing against your back.

“Sorry.” He says, nipping at your earlobe.

“S’okayyyyyy, oh my god.” Your head falls back to his shoulder as you release around him.

He spills into the condom shortly after and pulls out. He throws it away and pulls his pants back up. He gives you his shirt to throw on.

“Thanks.” Your cheeks were completely flushed and you looked incredibly fucked out. It was enough to make his cock twitch again. You slide your panties up your legs and grab your other clothes. “Let’s go snuggle with Buster on the sofa a bit before bed.”

“Meet yeh there.” He kisses your temple.

You use the toilet and get on the sofa with them. Buster plops right in your lap.

“He’ll be too big for this soon too.” You frown.

“Don’t think about it. He can still sit with us, he’ll just rest his head on our laps instead of his whole body.” Buster picks his head up to look at you and you cups his face in your hands.

“You’re mumma’s little lovebug aren’t you?” He starts wagging his tail. “That’s right, mumma’s precious little lovebug.” You say smiling. Harry pets him as you continue to coo lovingly.

“Niall was thinking of puttin’ a campin’ trip together for us and Lou, just a boy’s trip.”

“Oh that’s nice. When?”

“Memorial Day weekend maybe?”

“That’s the weekend between our party and your grand opening…”

“So?”

“So…nothing, um, yeah that should be fine. You deserve some time with them. And I can hang with the girls.”

“You sure it’s alright? I know there’s a lot to do before both parties, but-“

“No, yeah, it’s fine, babe.” You look at him and smile.

//

Harry woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of you throwing up. He gets up immediately and rushes into the bathroom. He pulls your hair back and rubs your back to soothe you as you flush the toilet.

“What happened? You’re sick?”

“No.” He helps you stand and you go to brush your teeth. “It’s the antibiotics, they’re really strong. You have to take two on the first day. I should’ve had a glass of milk when I took the second one before bed.”

“Poor thing.” He holds you to his chest and rubs your back. “Want me to get you some water or something?”

“No, I’m alright now, thank you.”

You both get back into bed. You lay on your back and he lays on his side to face you. He rubs your stomach to try to soothe you and it actually helps you fall back asleep.

Harry wakes up at the same as you the next morning to make sure you’re alright.

“Harry, I told you already the medicine is just strong. I’m gonna have some Greek yogurt this morning to help my stomach.”

“I’ll go take the dog out then.”

“You don’t have to, go back to sleep.”

“I’m up already it’s fine.”

“I wanna bring him with me to work today. I like having him there with me.”

“Alright.”

“I’ll drop him off before I go to therapy.”

“That works. Father-son dinner tonight Buster, how do yeh like that?” He asks him as he puts the leash on.

You go to get dressed after eating your yogurt. You make sure to put your spoon in the dishwasher, and not leave it in the sink. You decide on a light blue dress that had tank top sleeves, and a white three quarter sleeve blazer. It was finally warm enough to break out some of your favorite outfits. Harry stops short when he sees you.

“What?” You look down at yourself. “It’s got a high neckline, no cleavage see?”

“No, no, I just…you look really pretty is all.” He smiles. He takes the leash off of Buster and he runs towards you. “Seems like he thinks so too.” You giggle as you pet your baby.

“Thanks, Harry.” You walk over to him and kiss him.

“I’ll pick up dinner tonight.”

“Sounds good.” You take the leash from him. “Buster, time to go to work with mummy.”

//

Harry, Isaac, and Mariah were all staring at a picture on the wall when you came in with Buster.

“I just don’t know if that works there?” Harry says.

“It’s too abstract.” Mariah says.

“But it’ll give people waiting something to think about.” Isaac says.

“What are you all looking at?” You say.

“Hey!” Harry turns to you and smiles. He gives you a kiss and pats the top of Buster’s head.

“You look so cute, Y/N!” Mariah says.

“Damn girl, you are wearing that dress.” Isaac comments. You blush a deep red and the bombardment of compliments.

“Oh, thanks guys.” You give Harry a kiss on the cheek. “Well, I gotta go or I’ll be late, see you at home later. Bye guys.” You smile and wave to them, and leave.

“Where does she go on Tuesday nights, work out class?” Isaac asks.

“Um, no…” Harry rubs the back of his head. He wasn’t sure if he should say you see a therapist. “She just has this standing this appointment. I can’t really say what for.”

“’Nough said. Now, let’s get back to figuring out if we like this for the waiting area or not.”

//

“You look lovely, Y/N.” Dr. Mara says as you sit down.

“Definitely wearing this dress more often.” You laugh.

“How was your week?”

“Stressful…I’m planning these two parties, I have huge surprise for Harry on top of it. I had to babysit my nephew this weekend on top of still training Buster. Oh, and I got sick so that was great. Harry and I got into a huge fight because of Niall.”

“Again?”

“Okay, here’s what happened, Harry had two weddings to work on Saturday. I woke up feeling like shit, but whatever. He was so good, he got the baby all set up for me, took the dog out, awesome. I didn’t wanna bring the baby into the shower with me, I just felt weird you know?” She nods. “So I called Niall and he came right over. I felt even worse so he stayed to help. It was actually nice because we hadn’t hung out one on one in a while. So, I ended up falling asleep with my head in his lap, there was a pillow there, but a guess he was like playing with my hair and I was really snuggled up to him. So when Harry got home he brought me to bed and then him and Niall started arguing.” She continues to nod along. “They woke me and the baby up, so Niall went home and I made Harry sleep in the other room.”

“He doesn’t like when you tell him to do that…”

“I know, but I honestly didn’t know what else to say, and I didn’t want to argue with him at that moment in time. I couldn’t even be near him. I know it didn’t look great, but he acts like I give him a reason to worry.” You sigh. “Him and Niall are best friends, and Niall is also my best friend. It’s hard to navigate sometimes. Anyways, the next day he and I got into it, and I got so mad I told him if we fought over it again I’d be done.”

“Oh my.”

“I wasn’t even thinking when I said it. I know it really hurt him, I didn’t do it on purpose. I was just so aggravated to be having the same conversation.”

“So what happened when you said that?”

“He just said okay. Then he went to Niall’s to apologize, and then we made up. It’s been put to bed.”

“You can’t guarantee he won’t get mad again.”

“He said he’s going to try to work on it. It’s really more about his own issues than Niall or myself. I try really hard to show him and tell him he could never lose me. I wanna be with him always. He could also just be overworked and over stressed.”

“When you say you want to be with him always, what does that mean exactly?”

“Well, we’ve talked about it and we wanna get married and have kids at some point. I feel like we talk more about babies than marriage. It sort of freaks me out sometimes. I feel like he doesn’t really understand just how much work a baby is, he really romanticizes it. I also get freaked out because of my own parents…sometimes when we fight I feel like I’m becoming my father.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know, just saying the worst things possible…not that I do it on purpose. But he used to say the nastiest shit to my mom, and then he’d stay in the basement for like two days. He’d reemerge like he didn’t just cause a bunch of damage. And my mom would act the same way. It was like they’d throw dagger at each other, and just let the wounds stay open. They never healed. Harry and I always talk after we make up.” She raises an eyebrow at you.

“What is making up then?”

“We have sex.”

“Do you enjoy the make up sex the most out of all the sex you have with him?”

“No…but it is nice. I don’t know what kind of sex I enjoy the most with him. I just like being really close to him.” She nods. “He makes me feel really safe.”

“What can you do to provide more of that safety with him?”

“I could show more PDA, I know he likes that.”

“Good start.”

//

When you got in Harry was on all fours with Buster. Buster had one end of a rope in his mouth and Harry had the other end of the rope in his mouth. They were playing tug of war. You take your phone out immediately and record them.

“What are you doin’?” He says, letting go of the rope.

“What am I doing? What you doing?” You ask, laughing.

“Playin’ with our boy.” He stands up all the way and wraps his arms around you. “How was your session?”

“Good, but tiring. I’m starved.”

“Pizza’s in the kitchen.” You two kiss and then he lets you go so you can make yourself a plate. You plop down on the couch.

“Thanks for picking this up, op, no Buster, you can’t have this. Harry take him off the couch.”

“Sorry.” He chuckles. “Can’t eat mumma’s food, Buster.” He looks at you. “So, our part’s this weekend, then I go campin’, and then it’s the grand opening.”

“Correct”

“And you’re sure you’re okay with me goin’ away a whole weekend.”

“Yes, Harry.” You finish up your pizza and put the plate on the side table. “I want you to hang out with your friends.”

“I think the fresh air will do me some good. Clear my head before the big day.”

“I agree.”

“I’m dyin’ to get that dress off of yeh.”

“That so?”

“Mhm, and I, uh, bought some more lube today.” He says with blushing cheeks. Both of your eyebrows raise.

“Did you now?”

“Yeah.” Your eyes darken and you a grin grows on your lips.

“You want me to fuck you, Harry?” His cock twitches at your sultry voice.

“Yes.” You stand up and take his hand. “But I wanna fuck you first.”

“Deal.”

Harry gets your dress off quickly. You felt his hands all over your body. He kissed love bites into your inner thighs before his tongue make its way to your center.

“C, condom!” You scream when he rubs his top against your clit. He glares at you, but goes to grab one.

“I still think I could just come on you and it’d be fine.”

“Harry…”

“Look, I’m rollin’ it on, see.”

“Yeah, now put it in me.” He smirks and thrusts into you.

“Always take it so well, you’re amazing.” He says as he nips at your jaw.

Harry gave you about four orgasms before it was his turn. You get the towel and the lube and you file your nails quick to make sure they wouldn’t hurt him. You were both at a point where if you fingered him long enough he wouldn’t really need the plug.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?” You slide your fingers out of him.

“Um…could I put it in from behind this time?”

“Sure.” He shrugs.

You kiss for a few minutes before you put the strap on. He flips over and gets on his elbows and knees for you. You like the dildo up with his hole and you slowly slide it in.

“Doing okay, baby?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

You grips his hips and thrust in a little more. Once it’s all the way in you stay there to let him adjust.

“Okay, you can move it.”

You reach one hand around to pump his cock while you start to rock in and out of him.

“Shit.” He groans.

“Feels good?”

“Feels great…miss seeing your face though.”

“Wanna flip back over?”

“Yeah.” You pull out of him and lays back holding his legs back for you. You slide back in. “Much better.” He says.

“You look so pretty like this Harry.”

“So do you.” You rock in and out of him and grip his cock, rubbing your thumb over the tip.

“Ah, fuck!”

“Oh did I hit it?”

“Yes, keep doin’ that, please.”

Harry’s moans were like a symphony, truly and utterly beautiful to hear. You two didn’t do this often, but when you did, you both loved it.

“Y/N, I’m gonna come, fuck!”

It gets all over your hand and stomach from the way you angled it. You lean forward and kiss on his heaving chest before you slowly pull out of him. You take the strap off and rub your hand on the towel.

“You did so good, Harry.”

“Thanks.” He chuckles and pulls you on top of him. “You know I was kind of scared when you first brought all this up, but I quite like it now.”

“Oh good! It’s a real turn on to watch you like that.” You kiss each other and smile.

“Would you run us a bath?”

“Of course!”

You hop off the bed and get the water started.

“What flavor bath bomb do you want tonight?”

“The vanilla one, please.”

“You got it!”

You and Harry relax and chat in the bath for a bit. He tells you about his day while you massage his scalp. You loved him with your whole heart. No one ever made you feel the way he did. And you thought it was so incredibly sexy and manly of him to let him do what you do to him.

“You know I think it’s very progressive of you to let me peg you.” He chuckles and turns to look at you.

“It’s just another way of havin’ sex. Besides, who am I to deny you of somethin’? Guys can be so insecure about this kind of stuff. They think it’ll make ‘em gay if they stick anything up their ass. What a stupid thing to be afraid of.”

“So you don’t feel emasculate at all?”

“Not in the slightest, I’ve never felt more like a man actually.” He faces front and then turns back to you with a smirk on his face. “Besides, everyone’s a little gay.”

[lastbluetardis]

Chemical Reaction (18/22)

Summary: Though their chemistry class is now over, the chemistry between James and Rose is just getting started. Together, they navigate the highs of new love and the lows of coping with past trauma to forge deep and unbreakable bonds of love and commitment. Part 2 in the Catalysis series. Tagging @doctorroseprompts

This chapter: ~6900 words, teen

If you like my stories, consider leaving me a tip? I know these are trying times, but if you are able, I would really appreciate it xoxo. And as always, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated as well.

AO3 | FF | TSP

Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | Ch11 | Ch12 | Ch13 | Ch14 | Ch15 | Ch16 | Ch17 | Ch18 | Ch19 | Ch20 | Ch21 | epilogue

James was shaking. It was like he hadn’t eaten in too long and his blood sugar dropped too low and his body started rebelling against him until he gave it nourishment.

Only this was worse. Much, much worse. He was dizzy and nauseated and crippled with grief.

How had the night gone so wrong? They’d been having fun at the Phillies game, hadn’t they? They’d been laughing and lighthearted, and were so exhausted that they’d been a few minutes away from collapsing into bed together.

Then he’d gone and snooped through Rose’s mail. He should have ignored the letter. He should have asked her what it was, and asked why Jimmy had contacted her.

Would she have told the truth?

He hated that he had to ask that question, and he hated even more that he didn’t have a definitive answer.

His body moved on autopilot down the many flights of stairs of Rose’s building, not entirely aware of his surroundings. It was a miracle he didn’t trip down the steps and break his neck, considering he couldn’t quite feel his feet. He couldn’t feel much of anything apart from the heavy, aching pressure in his chest and the acid roiling in his gut.

James slipped into his dark car, which was still warm from the drive to her flat. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be with Rose, holding Rose, snuggling Rose in bed as they drifted to sleep.

Instead, here he was. About to drive home. Alone.

A break. Rose wanted a break. Because he had been such an insensitive arsehole.

But so was she.

Every insecurity he’d shared with Rose, every heartbreaking moment of the aftermath of his parents’ death… had Rose not wanted to hear about any of them? He felt stupid—so stupid—for baring so much of his soul to her without realizing she wasn’t reciprocating. How had he ever thought the nuggets of information she’d dropped for him constituted reciprocity? She had put in the bare minimum of emotional effort, giving him just enough that their communication felt like a two-way street. Did she know what she was doing? Had this been her plan all along? Get him comfortable and familiar with her so he would fall utterly in love with her? So he would have sex with her? Was that all she had been after this whole time? Had she taken advantage of his inexperience and banked on him not realizing she wasn’t putting in as much effort as he was? 

His shoulders shook as he wept into his hands, those ugly, nasty thoughts eating away at his mind until he couldn’t think of anything else. He didn’t want to believe that about Rose. These last four months with her had been nothing short of bliss. He’d never connected with anyone as much as he had with Rose. He was desperate to believe that what they’d had was real. It had to be real. It hurt too much for it all to have been nothing.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting in the dark before his tears stopped enough for him to turn his car on. The engine growled to life, and the time 12:03 flashed blue in his eyes. Had it only been twenty minutes since he had first pulled up to Rose’s flat? How had twenty minutes completely destroyed the last seven months of their friendship and relationship?

His vision blurred again with fresh tears, but he impatiently rubbed them away to put his car in gear and drive off down the deserted street.

It probably should have bothered him that he didn’t remember driving. Anything could have happened. He could have run every single stop light, could have hit anything or anyone. But he was suddenly home, pulling into his dark driveway sometime later. His house was equally dark. He hadn’t left any lights on because he hadn’t expected to come back here tonight.

The house was dead silent. Not even his cats could deign to greet him. He toed off his shoes by the front door then plopped his keys and wallet into the dish on the cabinet beside it.

“Pip?” he croaked, voice raspy from all the tears he’d shed. “Merry? Gollum?”

There was a tiny chirp from the living room—Pippin and Merry were curled together on the sofa. James frowned. They usually slept in his bed, even on the nights he didn’t come home. He stepped over to them and gave them each a few chin scritches, but they were too drowsy to do much other than purr lightly.

“Where’s Gollum, eh?” he asked them, glancing around the living room. The Siamese wasn’t in the cat tree, or anywhere in sight. After the night he’d had, it would be his luck if Gollum had crawled off somewhere and died.

Whatever. He would look for him in the morning. James wanted nothing more than to strip down to his pants, fall into bed, and not wake up for a few days.

However, those plans were instantly scrapped when he stepped into his bedroom and was greeted with the pungent, acrid odor of ammonia. A huge, reeking damp spot sat in the middle of his bed.

“God-fucking-dammit!” he shouted, kicking his bed frame. 

He cried out and hopped on one foot as his toes burned in agony. His anger surged. Anger at himself, for jumping to conclusions and making too many accusations; anger at Rose, for keeping all of her secrets; anger at Jimmy, for everything he’d done to Rose; anger at his cat, for weeing on his bed when all he wanted to do was sleep and not wake up for a very long time.

James sank onto the edge of his bed—far away from the urine stain—his tears starting up again in earnest. He wanted Rose, and he hated that he wanted her. She had broken his heart more thoroughly than anyone ever had before, yet he still loved her. God, did he love her. 

Was that wrong of him though? Was it unhealthy that he wanted her, wanted to make up with her, after everything they’d said that night? Could they even make up from something like this?

He hoped they could. He hoped they could find some sort of middle ground. What that middle ground looked like, he didn’t know; his brain was too foggy with exhaustion and grief to think about possible resolutions and compromises they could make.

Something vibrated against his thigh. Sniffling and wiping his sleeve across his running nose, James fished his mobile out of his pocket. A new message from Rose.

Did you make it home okay?

He wanted to reply, “What do you care?” but curbed the impulse. That wasn’t fair. If she’d had to drive home at midnight after the argument they’d just had, he would want to know she was safe.

“Yeah,” is all he sent.

Okay. Glad to hear it. Sleep well James.

“Fat fucking chance,” he muttered to his phone, and instead typed out, “Yeah. You too.”

He set his phone face-down on the mattress beside him and rubbed his fingers into his eyes. A throbbing headache was beginning behind his brow. He would love nothing more than to sleep soundly and dreamlessly, but knew that his brain wouldn’t shut down enough for him to get any restful sleep.

Besides, it’s not like his bed was in any sort of state to be slept in.

With a groan, James pushed himself to his feet and tucked his phone into his pocket. He ripped off all the layers of his bedding, cursing when he saw they were soaked down to the mattress cover. Had Gollum held his bladder all goddamn day so he could piss right through everything?

He carried the stinking pile of sheets and blankets to his laundry room and settled in for a long night of washing. He stuffed the duvet into his washer—glad this home used to belong to a single mother of three who had invested in a giant washing machine, and left it behind when she’d moved out—and dumped in two detergent pods before programming a long, hot wash cycle. He then took the rest of his blankets to his kitchen sink.

The sight of two days’ worth of dirty dishes made him want to throw them all against a wall—broken dishes didn’t need to be cleaned. However, the mess of broken dishes would be more taxing. Sucking in a deep breath, he blew it out noisily as he dropped his sheets onto the floor and loaded everything into the dishwasher.

When the sink was empty, he grabbed his blankets and gave them all an individual rinse to hopefully keep the cat urine stain from setting.

It took nearly two dryer cycles for his duvet to be completely dry, and then another two loads of laundry before the rest of his blankets and sheets were clean. To his relief, all traces of cat urine odor were gone.

It was the dead of night by the time he made his bed; if he fell asleep right now, he would get at least four hours in before he would have to get up for classes. Was it worth it to try to sleep? He was keyed up from his middle of the night laundry session and his brain was still too loud. Maybe he should give up on the notion of sleep and try to take a nap after classes. Though would it even be productive if he attended classes?

James flopped onto his back on the fresh duvet, breathing in the scent of clean laundry. He would have to revoke the cats’ bedroom privileges until they—Gollum—proved they could be trusted not to wee on everything.

He sat bolt upright. He hadn’t thought to check the guest bedroom. Grumbling to himself and crossing his fingers, he jogged down the hall, and cursed vehemently under his breath when he smelled cat urine.

What the hell? Should’ve left the stupid arsehole to drown.

Well. He was already awake. In for a penny, and all. Stripping that bed as well, he began the same laundry routine. While that duvet was in the wash, James indulged in a quick shower. The sweat and grime of the previous day coupled with crying his eyes out intermittently for the past few hours made him feel filthy. 

The shower didn’t relax him as much as he’d hoped, not when the evidence of Rose was all around him. He hadn’t realized how completely she had insinuated herself into his home, into his life. Her shampoo, conditioner, and body wash sat right beside his, her bottles of pink and yellow keeping company with his blue and red ones.

Firmly ignoring her products, James rushed through his shower, lathering his hair and body in record time. But when he went to his pajama drawer, he was yet again reminded of Rose when he saw a set of her pjs in the drawer too. He couldn’t help but touch them, feeling the soft fabric beneath his fingertips as his brain reminded him of all the times he’d pushed her top off before they made love.

His stomach ached with longing. Hurriedly shutting the drawer, James instead moved to grab a pair of boxer-briefs. Rose’s knickers sat in a small pile in that drawer too. Growling in frustration, he grabbed a pair of pants at random and slipped them on before bending to root through his t-shirt drawer. Unsurprisingly, he found several of Rose’s shirts mixed in with his.

How had he not realized how much of Rose existed in his house? How had he not realized that her light and beauty shone through his home, and that she had made it her home too?

Because I loved it. 

And he had. He had loved living with Rose, and had been counting down the days when she would officially move out of her flat and into his house.

His tears nearly started up again when he realized that he may never share a home with Rose if they couldn’t find a way to work through all that had been said. No more sleepy mornings spent giggling and kissing in bed. No more impromptu dance parties in the kitchen just because they felt like being silly. No more late-night chats that sometimes carried them into the wee hours of the mornings. No more exploring every beautiful inch of her body and losing himself in her love and pleasure.

He didn’t particularly care about the prospect of no more sex. Brilliant though it was, he found himself more devastated by the loss of Rose’s friendship than the loss of her body. He had fallen in love with her, and the thought of her not being in his life anymore was agonizing. They’d known each other for seven months, and she had somehow become a constant in his life, an unmovable force that he’d been confident would never be gone.

The unknown was killing him. The uncertainty of whether he and Rose would be able to make up. If they did manage to reconcile, to forgive and heal, would their relationship look the same as it did before?

A distant chime from down the hall told him the wash cycle was finished. Sniffling, James pulled on a soft, worn t-shirt and padded down the hall to continue his laundry. When the duvet was in the dryer and the sheets were in the washer, James started searching for Gollum. As irritated as he was with his cat, he was also concerned; apart from the first week James had brought Gollum home, the feline had never had litter box issues.

Drifting from room to room, James finally found Gollum in the basement—which also doubled as an office space—lying on the desk chair.

“What’s gotten into you, you little menace?” he asked, crouching beside the cat. Gollum didn’t react, making James’s heart lurch. “Gollum?”

He reached out and rested his hand on the cat’s side. Gollum let out a noise between a chirp and a growl.

“Thought you were dead for a minute. What on Earth is your problem, buddy? Are you not feeling well? Is the litter box not clean enough for you? Are you trying to make my shitty day even more shitty?” James sighed, and stroked the top of Gollum’s head. “I’ll call the vet when they open. In the meantime, try not to wee on anything else, yeah?”

Gollum huffed out a breath, then closed his eyes again, drifting off to sleep.

The rest of the night passed listlessly for James. When he wasn’t switching over laundry, he worked on cleaning his house from top to bottom. Anything to keep his mind busy and away from Rose, because otherwise all he could think about was the way he’d raised his voice and talked over her, the way he’d suggested she wasn’t as invested in their relationship as he was, the way she’d sobbed and hugged herself and flinched away from him. And all of that was something he definitely didn’t want to think about.

The sky was beginning to lighten in the distant horizon by the time he’d finished. His house was immaculate. There was not a scrap of unclean fabric anywhere, what with him moving on to washing his clothes and the various towels and blankets strewn around his home.

His eyes burned with exhaustion, and he thought he might be able to get some sleep. He preemptively filled his cats’ food dishes so that they wouldn’t barge into his room in an hour to demand breakfast, then he went into his bedroom and crawled beneath his sheets. Before settling in to try to sleep, he shot off a series of short emails to his various professors, letting them know he wouldn’t be in class that day, and he would arrange with some of his classmates to get their notes. That task finished, James silenced his phone and set it on the nightstand, then tugged his sheets up to his ears.

He hadn’t realized that his bed had begun to smell like Rose until he was surrounded by the scent of laundry detergent rather than her subtle floral aroma. With an intensity that stole his breath away, he was aware of how much he missed Rose. Missing her hurt almost as much as their fight did, because despite everything that had happened, he remained desperately in love with her. He knew that he would do just about anything to try to make things right with Rose, if she would let him. He hoped she would.

That train of thought kept him from getting much sleep. His mind kept replaying their argument over and over again, and it kept coming up with new rebuttals and explanations he wished he could have said instead of losing his temper.

It was ten o’clock by the time James gave up on the idea of getting any more rest. He felt worse now than he had when he’d collapsed into bed four hours ago. Bleary-eyed, James stumbled to the kitchen to begin a pot of coffee. While it brewed, he went to check on Gollum. His food dish beneath his cat tree was full, and the cat himself had barely moved from his position on the office chair.

“All right, bud. Vet time,” James murmured, stroking Gollum’s forehead and cheeks.

He went back upstairs for his phone, and placed a call to the veterinarian’s office. There were no available in-person appointments, but they told James he could drop the cat off with them and they would take some blood and urine samples from Gollum throughout the course of the day. 

James didn’t feel particularly good about dropping his sick cat off and leaving him alone, but the alternative was waiting a few days for an open appointment. He thanked the vet tech and said he would be by with his cat within the hour.

With a sigh, James pulled on some clothes, poured coffee into a travel thermos, and managed to get Gollum into his carrier with minimal fuss. Gollum loathed being in a car carrier, and often yowled and growled for the entire duration until he was set free again; the fact that he remained utterly silent and unmoving was testament to the fact he felt poorly.

The drive to the vet’s clinic was unremarkable, as was the transfer of his cat into their care. He confirmed his contact information, and thanked them for being able to take Gollum so quickly.

Since he was already out and about, James stopped by a nearby Walmart for his monthly supply run. He hadn’t thought to bring a list along on what he had assumed would be a quick stop at the vet’s, so he tried his best to remember everything he needed.

He was about to head to the front registers when a display of vibrant colors caught his eye. Paint swatches.

Hmm. Been meaning to repaint my bedroom.

Pulling his shopping cart to the side, James grabbed a booklet and began leafing through for some palette ideas. Currently, his walls were boring off-white, which hadn’t really bothered him before. He always assumed he would eventually get around to repainting, but after nearly two years of living there, everything was the same as when he’d moved in.

No time like the present.

He spent the next half hour poring over paint colors and mentally mapping the colors onto his bedroom walls. He frequently found himself wondering whether Rose would like a certain color, before he shut down that train of thought; it always came back, though. For the past several months, Rose was never more than half a thought away. Despite their current situation, that was a hard habit to break.

In the end, he decided on an eggshell-finish steel blue color that could have passed for gray. A nice, cool, neutral shade (and, despite his best efforts, he was sure Rose would like it too). He added a soft white for his ceiling and a sharp white glossy paint to his order to touch up the trim and crown molding. With his new paint cans in tow, he moved to the next aisle for paint rollers and brushes, protective cloth canvas, tape, a paint tray, and any other painting accoutrements he could find.

On his way home, he stopped by a fast-food drive-thru for a burger and an order of fries. His cholesterol was probably not pleased with him, considering he’d eaten a cheesesteak and fries for dinner the night before, but he ultimately decided to hell with his cholesterol. 

It was noontime when he finished his lunch, and he hopped right in with his painting project. It took him an hour to move all of his furniture to the middle of the room, and to unhang the various decorations on his walls. Not sure how long the painting would take, James shifted his entire dresser into his spare bedroom, where he figured he would sleep for the next night or two until the project was finished.

The soothing, repetitive movements of painting were cathartic, which is more than James could have hoped for. It took a fair amount of concentration, especially to make sure he didn’t drip paint where it didn’t belong. He enjoyed cutting in the corners and edges of his walls using one of the small brushes he’d bought, but he didn’t like using the broad paint roller to cover large areas. That was an easy and mindless task, which meant his brain could go back to Rose. And that was definitely not where he wanted his brain to go.

How much longer would his memory replay their fight for him? How long would it take before he stopped thinking about everything he could have and should have said differently? And how long was this break of theirs going to last?

Several times, he had been tempted to take photographs of his bedroom and send them to Rose. A tiny little olive branch, maybe. But no, that was stupid. That would look like he didn’t care about or didn’t want to address their fight.

He still took photos, though, wanting a before and after comparison for his own memories.

He was about to move on to the last wall of his bedroom when the vet called with an update on Gollum. When his phone had rung, his heart had jumped into his throat; he hadn’t been sure whether he was hoping or dreading to see Rose’s name. The crushing disappointment he felt gave him his answer. It took everything he had to not dismiss the call and instead phone Rose, desperate to speak with her and start mending whatever broke between them.

However, he had a duty to his cat, and so he accepted the vet’s call. Gollum, it turned out, had a rather severe urinary tract infection. The vet wanted to keep him overnight to start him on an aggressive antibacterial regimen, and to give him intravenous fluids because the cat was dangerously dehydrated.

The guilt nearly overwhelmed James. He hadn’t realized Gollum hadn’t been drinking or acting any differently; if the cat hadn’t wee’d on the beds, James wouldn’t have known anything was wrong. The vet tech, seeming to sense his distress, assured him that UTIs could frequently get overlooked, but that Gollum should make a full recovery.

“We anticipate you’ll be able to pick him up in a day or two.”

“Great, thanks,” James breathed. “Really. Thanks so much.”

The call reminded him it was time to feed his other cats. He had shut them away into the basement to keep them from wandering into his bedroom while he painted. As he walked down the hall, he could hear Pippin crying and scratching at the door.

“Sorry, sorry,” he called through the door. “One minute, boys. One minute, then I’ll bring down your dindin.”

He grabbed the two empty food dishes in the kitchen, filled them with kibble, grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge, and opened the basement door. Pippin bolted upstairs and sprinted directly to where his bowl usually sat. He froze when he saw it wasn’t there, and James couldn’t help but laugh at him.

“Right here, bud,” James said, shaking the bowl. “C’mon. You’re dining in the basement tonight, and tomorrow. Until I’ve finished painting. I absolutely do not trust you to not brush up against the wet walls, and I don’t fancy washing paint off of you.”

James continued talking to his cats as he carefully walked down the steps, wary of Pippin and Merry who both were winding around his ankles. Wouldn’t that just be the perfect ending to the past twenty-four hours? His relationship with Rose had crashed and burned, then he went and broke his neck falling down the stairs.

Once the cats were happily eating their dinner, James returned to his bedroom and worked on finishing what he could. He worked diligently until nightfall, pleased with his progress and with how well the color looked. However, he was growing to realize that the warm brown wood of his dresser, nightstand, and bookcases didn’t match with the cooler tones of the room.

Well, he’d been planning to upgrade his furniture anyway from the inexpensive mishmash of pieces he’d found at second-hand shops. Figuring he was done for the night, James set up a rotating fan to help with air circulation then went into his bathroom for a shower. Paint flecks spattered his face, hair, and arms; it took quite a bit of vigorous scrubbing before he was satisfied he’d washed it all off.

Once he was clean, dried, and dressed in pajamas, he exited his bedroom and closed the door behind himself so that he could release his cats from their basement prison. Not particularly hungry but figuring he ought to eat, he cut up an apple and scooped a dollop of peanut butter onto a plate, then took it and his laptop to his couch. Aching and exhausted, James simply sat on his sofa with his head tilted back and his eyes shut.

He nearly dozed off until Pippin clumsily jumped into his lap, nearly upending James’s snack. 

“Shoo,” James grumbled, moving his cat to the sofa cushion beside him.

Pippin huffed, then walked in a circle half a dozen times before plopping right next to James’s thigh. Absently stroking his cat, James munched on his pitiful dinner and opened up his laptop to IKEA’s website.

He spent the next hour browsing new bedroom furniture. With the light, cool-toned walls, he thought dark furniture would pop rather nicely. He fell utterly in love with a curved, corner-unit bookcase, and with a long chest of drawers that could fit enough clothes for two people. He favorited both of those pieces of furniture as he wondered what to do with his current furniture. Some of it could be repurposed to other rooms in his house, but others, like his bed frame—if he decided to upgrade that as well—would have to be sold or donated.

The ring of his doorbell interrupted his mental reconfiguration of his home. He leapt to his feet and jogged to his front door, cautiously peering into the peephole to see who was visiting him so late at night. A tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed man had his face pressed close to the door, as though he could look through the opposite end of the peephole.

James threw open the door. “Jack? What the hell are you doing here?”

The other man scanned his eyes up and down James’s body, taking in the pajamas and his damp, messy hair. A salacious grin crossed Jack’s face.

“Oops, I didn’t interrupt anything important, did I?”

It took James a few seconds to realize what Jack meant. Then he wondered why Jack would think he and Rose had been in the middle of having sex. Eventually he remembered that nobody else was aware that he and Rose were in the middle of an argument. Which made him remember that he and Rose were in the middle of an argument. His mood soured, and he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“What do you want, Jack?”

Jack simply stared at him for a beat before saying, “It’s Thursday.”

James’s stomach sank. Thursday… pub quiz night… shit.

“We didn’t see you at Molly’s, and none of us had heard from you. I thought maybe you were busy with Rose, caught up in all sorts of delicious debauchery that I would love to hear about. But you don’t exactly seem to be in a state of post-coital bliss, so…”

“What do you want, Jack?” James repeated, gritting his teeth. His sleepless night had finally caught up with him, and he was suddenly exhausted. His body felt leaden and his head began to ache. The last thing he wanted to do was stand in his doorway and have this conversation with his friend/ex-boyfriend.

Jack scrutinized him so intently that James had to fight the urge to slam the door in Jack’s face.

“What’s up with you?” 

“None of your bloody business,” James snapped. “Look, it’s late. Sorry I missed trivia night. I’ll be there next week. But if you wouldn’t mind…”

In a move James was not anticipating, Jack stepped forward and into James, startling him into backing up a step. Before he knew it, they were inside his house, and Jack had shut the door behind him.

“What the hell Jack?” James exploded. “I’m not in the bloody mood for this. Get out.”

“Spill. What’s happened?” Jack asked. Before James could shout at him again, he turned his head down the hall, sniffing. “Are you getting your house repainted?”

“Jack!” James followed uselessly as Jack strode down the hall to his closed bedroom door.

The other man threw open the door and flicked on the lights, revealing the messy, freshly-painted bedroom.

“Yes, I’m repainting my bedroom. Congratulations on your deductive reasoning skills. Will you please leave now?”

“Is there a reason you’ve started repainting your room on a random Thursday? That sounds like more of a weekend project.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I was out shopping and saw paint swatches and had the urge to repaint my bedroom. So here we are.”

“Why were you out shopping and looking at paint swatches in the middle of a school day? Play hooky, did you? You know, whenever I blow off classes for the day, it’s usually because I’m having sex. Was Rose too busy? Or have you worn her out already?”

James’s cheeks burned, even as his chest crumpled in on itself. He had done his best to not think about Rose all afternoon, yet here was Jack, bringing her up every other sentence.

“Well, at least I can finally say I got you in the bedroom,” Jack said lightly, digging his elbow into James’s ribs.

James managed a weak, half-hearted snort. “Not quite how you expected it though, is it?”

“Admittedly, we were both a lot more naked,” Jack lamented. “I’ll let you save the nakedness for Rose. Speaking of, what does she think of your sudden home makeover?”

James’s stomach hollowed out, and he surprised himself by confessing, “Dunno. Haven’t told her.”

Jack went silent for the first time all night. James could feel his friend’s eyes on him, but he steadfastly inspected his walls, looking for any imperfections he would have to pay close attention to when he applied the second coat.

“James, what happened?”

Jack’s voice was so soft and so knowing that the backs of James’s eyes prickled. Damn. He thought he was done crying. James sighed and rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

“I think… I think Rose and I might be breaking up soon,” he said, his voice hoarse.

Jack simply blinked at him, his face expressionless. “Right. We’re gonna get some alcohol, then you are going to explain everything to me. Why do you think you and Rose are breaking up? You two are the epitome of soulmates, if such a thing exists.”

James snorted, remembering every hurtful thing he and Rose had said last night. “Not anymore, we’re not.”

Jack clapped him lightly on the back, before he encircled his arm around his shoulders and gave him a squeeze. “Let’s go sit down.”

Keeping his arm where it was, Jack guided James to the kitchen and plopped him into the chair that Rose usually sat in. James didn’t bother moving, and instead watched his friend go to the fridge and pull out a partially-drunk bottle of wine. He and Rose had opened that bottle last weekend. They’d snuggled on the sofa together and made a drinking game out of watching a cooking show together. Half way through the bottle, they’d gotten pleasantly tipsy and had stopped paying attention to the television in favor of making out.

Jack found the cabinet that contained the wine glasses and pulled down two of them. He sat at the table opposite of James, filled the glasses, and pushed one towards him. James gulped down half of it in one go.

“Okay. Tell me everything,” Jack said, topping off James’s wine glass.

The words poured out of him, from every heartbreaking thing Rose had told him, to everything he had said in return. Jack’s face remained impassive as James spoke, never once interrupting, even though James wasn’t sure he managed to capture all of the details as clearly as he would have preferred.

“I’ve ruined everything,” James concluded, polishing off the liquid in his glass before refilling it.

“No, you haven’t,” Jack said gently. “You buggered it up a little bit. But so did Rose. You brought up some valid points, James. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is honest and forthcoming. It isn’t a good balance for one person to constantly be sharing while the other remains a closed book. However, it’s not healthy to expect the same level of reciprocity from Rose as what you bring to the table. Especially when you haven’t been upfront with Rose about your expectations. And where you did bugger things up was with shooting yourself down so hard. Especially as a way to excuse what you’ve said, or assumptions you’ve made.”

“But… I genuinely feel like I’m at a complete and utter loss all the time,” James defended, ringing his fingertip around his wine glass. “It’s like… it’s like people innately know how to do this, this romance thing, and I’m bumbling along like an idiot.”

“Were you insecure in your friendship with Rose? Before you began dating? Did you feel any of this last semester?”

James paused, considering. He’d always had some butterflies when he spent time with Rose last semester, but for the most part, he’d simply enjoyed being in her presence. That hadn’t changed at all, despite their new relationship status. She had remained his best friend, the person he always wanted to be around, and the person he wanted to share every piece of his life with.

“No,” he whispered, pressing his fingertips into his eyes.

“Soooo… what’s the difference between being Rose’s friend versus being her boyfriend? I mean, I assume by now that you’re having sex? Apart from that, it’s not like anything really changed. Is the sex bad or something? Do you not like it?”

James felt his cheeks heating as his stomach twisted. Being intimate with Rose was one of the most special things he’d ever shared with someone. Not only did it feel brilliant, better than he ever thought physical pleasure could be, but it was equally as emotionally satisfying. Being vulnerable with Rose hadn’t been terrifying or overwhelming, but rather comforting. There had been nobody he trusted more than Rose.

“No,” he croaked. “No, it’s been… it’s been incredible. Everything with her has been incredible.”

“Has Rose given any indication that she has been dissatisfied with you in any way? Not even with the sex, but just…” Jack waved his hands around in the air. “…in general?”

You’re everything I never thought I deserved to have.

Hot tears burned in his eyes then dripped down his cheeks. Every kiss she’d given him, every squeeze of her hand in his, every sleepy smile that spread across her face when she woke up and saw him… It all raced through his head, a testament to their love.

What have I done?

He pressed his palms into his eyes

“No,” he answered, his voice raw.

Jack sighed. “Oh, James.”

“I know!” He plonked his forehead down onto the table and curled his arms around his head, tugging on his hair until it hurt. “I fucked up, Jack.”

James heard the scraping of chair legs on the floor, then a warm body was pressed tightly into his own. Jack wrapped his arm around James’s shoulders, leaning into him in a sideways hug.

“Much like having sex,” Jack began, “having an argument takes more than one person. Most times, anyway. If either situation is being done by only one person, chances are they’re a wanker.”

James let out a weak laugh, even as his eyes and throat burned with more tears.

“Rose said some very hurtful things,” Jack said, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down James’s arm. “She needs to apologize and address those. But you accused her of some pretty terrible things, too. From what you’ve said, Rose’s relationship with this Jimmy guy was toxic, if not abusive. It’s insulting for you to suggest she would want to go back into a relationship like that.”

James’s stomach ached. He had known for months that Rose’s relationship with Jimmy had been unhealthy, and that her heart had been badly broken. That should have been enough for him. Did he really need to know every single detail of her heartbreak?

No, he decided. No, he didn’t. However, he would have liked to have known that Jimmy had reached out to her. At the very least, James wanted to know why Rose hadn’t wanted to tell him Jimmy had contacted her.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” he admitted.

“At least you know you want to fix it,” Jack said, giving James a squeeze. “That’s a good start. It means you’ve determined that what you have with Rose is worth fighting for. But you need to take a long, hard look at what you want from this relationship, and more importantly, what you want from Rose. And you need to be receptive to what she wants from you and your relationship. And you need to work on your own insecurities and stop projecting them onto Rose. That’s a shitty thing to do, James. You have the insecurities, so it’s your job to work through them. Stop making excuses for yourself, and stop projecting them onto Rose.”

“Not sugar coating this at all, are you?” James muttered, though he knew Jack’s advice was sound.

“Nope. I’ve let you mope for a half hour, but now you need to start making things right. And remember. You can only change yourself—you can’t change Rose. So decide what you’re willing to put up with, because she might never be as open as you want her to be. But also set some boundaries for yourself. A relationship is give and take, and lots of compromise. You can’t keep giving and giving and giving, or else you’re not going to have anything left.”

James cocked his head to the side and peeked up at Jack. “Do you have a degree in relationship counseling that I don’t know about?”

Jack laughed, and took his arm away from James’s shoulders to instead ruffle his hair. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“But how do I start a conversation with Rose to tell her I want to fix things?” James asked.

Jack pursed his lips and tapped his finger to his chin in mock thought. “Have you considered anything like “Hi Rose, I really want to make up and then make out”?”

James snorted. “I’ll think of something else. Oh, and I might have some furniture coming tomorrow or Saturday. Wanna help me move stuff?”

Jack winked. “You know, I think I’m busy. Why don’t you see if Rose is free?”

“Subtle,” James drawled. He then sighed. “Thanks for stopping by, Jack.”

“See, aren’t you glad I wasn’t put off by your less-than-warm welcome? If you want to practice your apology skills, I’ll take one.”

“Okay, I think it’s time we said goodbye,” James said, dragging his weary body up from the chair. He collected their empty wine glasses and set them in the sink.

“A piece of advice, don’t try that one with Rose. Maybe try a kiss or two. I’ll take one of those, if you’re offering.”

James rolled his eyes and lightly shoved his friend out of the kitchen. They’d only made it a few steps when the doorbell rang.

“Bit late for a social call, isn’t it?” Jack asked, frowning at James.

James gestured up and down the length of Jack’s body. “You can talk, showing up here at nine o’clock.”

“Touché. Late-night furniture delivery?”

“I haven’t ordered anything yet. Besides, no one would deliver this late.”

Shrugging, James stepped ahead of his friend to yank open the front door. His breath left him in a sharp, little whoosh when he beheld the person standing in the yellow glow of the porch light, cradling a small, plastic container to her stomach.

“Rose.”

[lihikainanea]

you always seem like you have your shit together, and I feel like since the pandemic started, my shit has just progressively fallen more and more apart. I used to be someone with an organized space who liked to cook and do self-care, but at this point I have to put a lot of energy into doing anything, even just loading the dishwasher. how the hell do you keep it together? - ☕

I’m genuinely flattered that I one off this way, because my life is a circus tent on fire and I’m barely holding on most of the time :-P

But real talk--don’t ever think anyone has their shit together. There’s always so much going on behind the scenes, so much that people try to hide, and I find we just get even more depressed and harder on ourselves if we see other people who are seemingly just handling things so well.

I’m a big fan of smashing rose coloured glasses and being real. I think if more people were honest and real and talked about the hard shit then maybe the whole world wouldn’t have such an Instagram-fueled FOMO catastrophe on our hands. I’ve mentioned before--but when I was a teen, I needed someone in my life who was a lot more real, and I never had that. It would have saved me years of therapy.

So, let’s talk.

I’m on medication--I got back on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant meds back in September, because I reached my breaking point and I couldn’t handle it anymore. We’ve been in lockdown since March, with a two week reprieve sometime in August. I live alone and I’m not allowed to see my family--so that’s 8 months of solitude. I was severely depressed, I was lonely, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had no motivation to get out of bed, I had no motivation to do anything, and I was having a hard time pulling myself back out. So, my doctor started me on 5mg of Cipralex. And after a few weeks when I didn’t quite feel it was enough, she upped my dose to 10mg and I’ve been doing better ever since. It doesn’t make all the troubles go away, but it gives me a more solid foundation emotionally and mentally to steady myself when the boat rocks too much.

My entire life has changed since March. I used to travel a lot--this year, I ws supposed to go to Qatar, Kenya, Stockholm (3x), Paris, Nara, Sicily, Geneva, Saudi Arabia, Vietnam, Morocco, and Argentina. And that was only in 6 months. I love to travel, and now I’m home and I’ve been home since March and my entire job has changed and I don’t like it anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to doing what I used to do. And while I’m very thankful to still have a job, I still undertook a 20% pay cut which had a big enough impact on my finances.I don’t have it all together. 

I used to work out every day, sometimes twice a day because I enjoy being strong and fit. Gyms have been closed forever, and I’ve gained weight because of it and just feel sluggish and terrible overall. And I have friends who are very dedicated to working out at home, regardless of their set up--but Jesus Christ, that ain’t me. I need the equipment. I need the competition of other people around. In my living room alone, doing jumping jacks? No thanks. Going for a run alone? No thanks. So instead of continuing some form of workout, I just haven’t done anything because I don’t even have the will to try.

I have a lot of days where I can’t clean, I can’t do the dishes. Sometimes I don’t remember when the last time I washed my hair was. I developed an online shopping habit for the hit of dopamine but I really need to break that cycle, because it’s awful. I force myself to only have wine on Friday and Saturday nights, because I noticed an addiction that was starting. 

But instead of tackling everything and trying to thrive--bubs, I literally just focus on finding one thing every day. And I want you all to be aware of toxic fucking positivity--these people who just constantly say “It’ll be alright!” and “We’re all in this together!”? If you want to fucking rage-punch those people--that’s okay. They process things by being overly positive. Not everyone is like that--I process things by fucking DWELLING. By sitting there in total fucking despair and agony for as long as I need to. I need to feel my emotions, to experience the depth of rock bottom and hang out there for awhile--before I can ever get through things. I let myself be gross. Don’t feel like showering? Don’t. Don’t feel like cleaning up? Don’t.  Don’t feel like doing the dishes? Don’t. Don’t feel like getting out of bed? Don’t. You should not be thriving right now. You should not be AIMING to thrive. You should be surviving, and you should be processing everything--whatever that may look like for you. And the more I ALLOWED myself to not do things that I didn’t want to do, then ironically, the shorter those spells would last.

Give yourself permission to be fucking miserable.

And for me, like I said--it’s trying to find one thing. I try to do one thing every single day to fill my cup--and believe me, I say try because sometimes, I got nothing. I literally come up with nothing--but that’s okay, I let myself feel that, too. Sometimes my good thing is hitting my target of 64 ounces of water a day. Sometimes it’s enjoying every single step of my skin care routine. It’s coffee in my favourite mug, or a really good hot chocolate in the afternoon. It’s putting my towel in the dryer so it’s warm after my shower.

It’s one thing. Sometimes, I can’t find it. But when I do, I feel just a little more capable.

[calm-and-wine]

(I’ll give you) the best years

part II (masterlist)

Hello hello, sorry it took a while, but here is part 2 and part 3 is already in the works (so is part 4 🙈). I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas, what you’ll like to see in the future and whatever else is on your minds!

Once again huge thank you to Anna @silverrank​​ for making sure my writing actually makes sense and isn’t complete gibberish. And a big thank you to @booksncoffee​​ for this beautiful banner.

Enjoy!

PART II

September 2023

There was no other word to describe the first days of being married but bliss. Absolute pure bliss. And it wasn’t even because of the stunning scenery of Maui, their luxury little beach house and beautiful turquoise water of the ocean. It was the bliss of being able to spend every minute with the person you were madly in love with, with no worries occupying your mind, nowhere to go and nothing to do, but enjoy each other and celebrate the official new chapter of your lives. In a way, the wedding didn’t change all that much for Lucy and Niall; they already lived together and they had been sure of their relationship being the one for a while now. But somehow it did change their mindsets a bit. They always thought about their future together, but now it was a given, there were no questions, no hesitation when making plans or talking about growing old.

A part of Lucy had used to think of marriage as a piece of paper, and in some cases it probably was like that, but right now she saw it as a bigger union. Like she and Niall were a proper team now. They were a family, after all.

Lucy was never a person who could do nothing. She was used to some kind of practice usually two times a day, meeting with people, doing meal prep, analysing her games and thinking about strategy or possible improvements. However, she was quite surprised to find herself truly enjoying the honeymoon, even though as of now it consisted of spending most of their time in bed (or other places in the house), reading books on the patio, swimming or playing board games in between. There were worse things to preoccupy her time with than enjoying the body of Niall Horan and letting him adore hers.

“I have no idea how I’ll be able to play in a few days.” Lucy sighed between licks of her ice lolly. A lot of the places the tennis tour took place are quite hot, so the weather shouldn’t bother her too much, but she was never actually a big fan of heat. The ten days in Maui were just the start of their honeymoon, which had to be split in two, because she qualified for the WTA finals, where only eight best players of that year had the opportunity to compete. It was the second year she was lucky enough to be a part of that event and she was actually ready to withdraw, but Niall didn’t want her to (truth be told, she did have a chance of ending the year as number one player). So they were coming back to London for a week of training, which she’ll definitely need after not caring about her food or working out (although that might be debatable, as they did work up quite a sweat most of the times), then playing a tournament in Luxembourg to get back into the swing of things before going to China to prepare and compete in the finals. After that however, they would embark on the second part of their marriage celebrations, travelling to Italy and planning a road trip through Spain, Portugal and maybe some other European cities. Also, Niall was joining her on all of her travels in between, so she’d be working, but they’d still be together.

“Is this work talk I’m hearing during our honeymoon?” he asked tilting his head to look at her through the sunglasses perched on his nose. There was a laughing undertone in his voice, because they jokingly made a bet while on the plane who would be the first to mention work. But they always had this understanding about each other’s job, because it was extraordinary and it wasn’t just work, it was passion and a lifestyle. Even though their jobs were very different, they bonded over that from the start.

Lucy reached out and swatted his arm. She was so sure he’ll be the one losing a bet, seeing how excited he always was to get back to writing after touring, that she forgot to watch herself. And Lucy really didn’t like losing.

“Can’t wait for tonight.” Niall smirked, putting his hands behind his head and stretching his body on the lounger. At least the forfeit wasn’t that bad, but it did make Lucy blush.

“Weren’t we supposed to finally go out for dinner tonight?” she asked. They only left their little bubble once, for a little boat trip.

Niall hummed in thought. “We do have a reservation. Will you be okay with settling the bet tomorrow, then?”

Lucy met his eyes and licked her ice lolly quite suggestively, which made him pull his bottom lip between his teeth, before she spoke. “Yeah, I guess that could be arranged.”

Niall held her gaze for a minute before throwing his head back with a groan. His wife was the devil, he was sure about that. She just laughed and finished eating before getting up. She stopped by his lounger, bending down, giving her husband quite a view of her chest and planting a sweet kiss on his lips, her tongue tasting fruity from her lolly. “I’m gonna shower and start getting ready, have to actually dress up for a change”.

~~~~

“There’s actually something I need your opinion on.” Lucy said when there was a slight lull in their conversation after they started eating. They were sitting on the balcony of the restaurant, the vast ocean spread below them and the setting sun creating a beautiful hue. Niall was chewing on his food, so he gestured for her to go on. “Well, I’ve been considering keeping playing under my maiden name. And I want to know if you’d be okay with that.”

A little frown took over his face, but he spoke as soon as he could, shrugging a little. “Yeah, of course.”

“Really?” she asked surprised, not because he was fine with it, but because it seemed like he just shrugged it off, while she’d been turning it over in her head for weeks. “Just like that?”

Niall put down his cutlery and looked at the woman in front of him with a small smile. “Why, were you scared to talk to me about this?”

Lucy shook her head forcefully. “No, I’m never scared to tell you things. But sometimes I am anxious, because I don’t want to hurt you. And I just remember how big your smile was when I said I wanted to take your name.”

He sighed and reached for her hand that was resting on the table, intertwining their fingers. “You know I love the fact that you wanted to share a name with me, not even hyphenate it. That made me feel really proud and worthy. But it’s your career and you have so many achievements under your name already, so I understand why you’d want to continue building that. And.. well.. I kinda wanted to suggest it, but I also didn’t want you to think I’m against you using my name or something. It’s your decision and you have my full support either way,” he chuckled before adding, “but what else is new?”

She looked at him with gratitude, constantly wondering what exactly had she done to deserve such an amazing, supporting man loving her as much as Niall did. “Thank you, baby.”

“No need to thank me, silly. I was so excited that you wanted to take my name, but I would never force it on you, like, I would understand if you wanted to stay with yours, not just for tennis.” In a way it meant more to him that she was only thinking about it now, having already changed her name to his, just that knowledge that she simply wanted to do it, not even considering what it meant for her career or her future legacy.

“I appreciate that.” Some part of her actually wanted to have his name everywhere, be his wife in all aspects of her identity. However, the more rational part of her knew it was best for her, career wise. She hadn’t figured it all out yet, didn’t know what it meant for her future business moves, after she was done playing. But she knew one thing - that they’d cross that bridge together when the time came. “But I always wanted to have the same one with my husband. I did consider hyphenating it, but it’s just not for me. If we’re gonna do it, let’s do it right, yeah?”

“Go big or go home, love,” said Niall, his glass clinking against hers in toast.

She took a sip before looking at him with a devilish glint in her eyes. “Now, what do you say, should we skip dessert and settle that bet tonight instead?”

The words made him almost choke on his beer. “You’re something else, Lulu Horan.”

November 2023

Coming back to training was never as brutal as this. It wasn’t just Lucy’s lack of her usual regime while in Maui, it was lying on the beach next to her husband one day and sweating her ass off in the gym in London two days later. Coming back to reality was hard and part of her was a bit mad they decided to divide their honeymoon. She didn’t want to get out of their lovely bubble.

Lucy thought that during her training week in the city, Niall would use the opportunity to go to the studio and start writing again, usually after the tour he was itching to make new music. But to her surprise, none of that happened. He met with some mates, came along to a few of her trainings or waited at home with dinner ready. If he was going out, it seemed like he made sure to be back by the time she got home. It was nice; Lucy wasn’t going to complain about that, but it did make her worry a bit, because it was out of character.

She wasn’t about to blow it out of proportion, but she did ask him about it.

“Aren’t you excited to get back to the studio? I thought you’d jump at the opportunity this week,” she mentioned one night, when they were in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner.

“Um.. not really, no.” Niall shook his head while rinsing out dishes and handing them to Lucy to load them into the dishwasher.

“Is there a reason why?” she asked, looking at him with furrowed brows and pausing her actions for a second to gauge his reaction.

“Well, I mean…” He didn’t seem bothered by the questions, just a little confused, like he was trying to make sense of his own thoughts before sharing them. “I have ideas, but I’m not sure if I want to jump back in. I’m quite enjoying my honeymoon off time right now.”

He shrugged his shoulders and finally lifted his head to her face. She was looking at him, trying to get a read on his feelings, like she was searching for a sign that everything really was okay.

“Is that alright with you?” Niall asked with the slightest hesitation.

“Of course,” she said, giving him an encouraging smile. “Whatever makes you happy, baby.”

And that was the end of it. Niall flew to Luxembourg with her, coming along to most of her training on court and sometimes working on his own body alongside her in the gym, watching tv or reading books in the hotel rooms and cheering her on during her matches. They also came to China together and Lucy was more than happy to have her husband there, it was a really nice tournament, a special event, but it was also stressful, especially with the pressure to perform as well as possible and fight for the year-end number one spot. There were no easy matches and Niall’s presence and humour were perfect relaxers.

“Are we going out for dinner tonight?” asked Niall when she joined him in their hotel room after taking a cooling bath to recover her tired muscles. Lucy won her second game of the tournament, pretty much bagging herself a spot in the semi-finals, so a little celebratory dinner was more than deserved. (Even though they’d been going out to dinner every night since they got to Shenzhen).

“Yeah, I think so. Jordan was talking about this restaurant that’s supposed to be a mind blowing experience.” Lucy said, referencing her fitness trainer. She was busy unpacking her bag from the match, which made her miss Niall’s expression falling, his brows drawing together in a frown.

“Oh. I didn’t realise they were all going with us. Again.” Niall’s unamused tone made her look up instantly.

“What do you mean?” she asked, confused. Niall was the most friendly person she knew, he never had a problem with being around people, and he got along pretty well with her team. It wasn’t unusual, when playing tournaments, especially the big ones; they had been going out to dinner together as a little break from work, Niall had never complained about it during his visits, always more than happy to tag along, even joking that it made him feel like part of the winning team.

“Well, it is our honeymoon still, kinda.” His eyes were challenging, not leaving hers for even a second, but his next words were gentler, indicating he wasn’t looking for a fight, just wanted her to see his point. “We’ve been surrounded by your coach, trainer, physio, psychologist and manager for the past two weeks. I know you’re basically working right now and it’s your team, I do like them as well, but I’d like to have dinner with just my wife sometimes. Is it that wrong?”

She shook her head, her heart melting right away, seeing his reasons and thinking about any possible signs she might have missed, making a mental note to consider it in the future. “I’m sorry, you know I suck at saying no to people. Especially the ones I like.”

“And it’s your routine, it’s what you do, I know, but I’d like to still celebrate us a bit, you know?” His voice was still a little desperate, but he didn’t seem as frustrated anymore. 

“I’d like that too. Thank you for bringing that to my attention, baby. I’m gonna text everyone, let them know we’re doing our own thing tonight.”

She went to grab her charging phone right away. As she was about to walk back to her bag after sending a message, Niall grabbed her by the hand and pulled her to stand between his legs, while he sat on the  bed, his hands resting at the bottom of her waist.

He looked up at her and when she leaned down for a kiss, he went for her neck instead, then whispering in her ear, “You’re gonna let me blow your mind tonight, then? Don’t need any fancy restaurant to do that, hm?”

~~~~

Italy was the perfect place to drown your sorrows. That’s what Niall said when they were leaving China, even after Lucy assured him there weren’t really any sorrows to be buried. Sure, she didn’t finish the year at the top of the ranking, losing in the semi finals, but she did hold the number two spot and that was more than enough. Plus she was more than happy to be going back on their honeymoon and enjoying the world with no plan or pressure, just the two of them, before starting her pre-season training in a few weeks.

They flew down to Rome. Both of them had been in the city numerous times before, Niall for tours and Lucy for a tournament, but now they finally had the time to actually explore, see all the main attractions, as well as some more hidden gems. Then they took the train to Florence, which was the city Lucy was most excited about, having seen all the beautiful pictures and talking to some friends who had visited in the past.

Even though they both had seen a lot of places because of their respective jobs, there was something entirely special in travelling like that, together, with no other intent but exploring and enjoying the time and place. Both of them sometimes found it hard to disconnect, let go of stress and worry, not think about what needs to be done soon, what work awaits them. But walking around Florence, basking in the sun which was a nice surprise as it was the beginning of November, holding hands and admiring the beautiful city, they were both simply calm and happy, not a worry in sight.

“Shit, Niall, I’m dripping.” Lucy interrupted the calm with an exclamation, stopping in her tracks.

“Jesus, Lulu, we just left the church not even ten minutes ago, hold your horses, woman.” Niall had the smuggiest grin on his face and didn’t even move to hand her a tissue, her melted ice cream dripping down her hand.

She looked at him very bemused while he gave her an almost childlike grin, before finally digging through his backpack to help her.

“You are so not funny,” Lucy said, taking a tissue from him, a grumpy expression on her face.

“Sorry, I’m pretty sure there is a ‘no returns’ policy on husbands, so you’re stuck with me forever now.” He laughed putting his arm around her waist and squeezing her tightly against his side, before planting a kiss on her cheek.

Lucy kept a snarl on her face for a few seconds more, before letting a smile overcome her features and searching for his lips, letting him know she actually appreciated his ability to joke at everything, his easygoing attitude, which was truly irritating at times when they started dating, but she grew to not only love it, but admire it a bit.

~~

In Milan they decided to rent a car and travel through France to Spain and then Portugal, where they would end their trip. The road tripping took Lucy back in time in a way, because she remembered many travels with her parents to different tennis tournaments, when she was a kid. However, travelling with Niall was immensely better. She barely ever drove, so he did most of it, only switching for an hour or so, when he was really tired, even though they didn’t pull super long distances, making pit stops in smaller places for a night or two. She really enjoyed watching Niall drive though, there was something so sexy about his confidence, one hand on the wheel, while the other usually rested on her thigh or was intertwined with hers, his head bobbing along to the music and singing to most songs, a carefree smile constant on his lips. There was no better word to describe her feelings than content. Just fully content.

“We should travel like this more often,” she said, when he looked at her with an arched brow, after she had been quiet for a while.

His face lit up and he raised their joined hands to press a soft kiss to hers.

“You enjoying yourself, then?”

She hummed happily. “Mmm, very much. First class flights and fancy hotels are always nice, but this is just special, I don’t know, like we’re actually seeing the world together. Maybe it’s because we fly around so much, I’m quite used to it. While I haven’t been on a road trip since I was around fifteen, probably.”

“Yeah, it’s nicely different. And it feels more chilled, I think. Like, if we want to stop, we stop. If we want to see something, we go there. There’s no rush. I’m really liking it too.” He agreed, taking his eyes off the road for a second to offer her a big smile.

“Let’s do this at least once a year,” she proposed. “Maybe not for two weeks, or whatever, it can be a smaller trip, but I’d quite like to make it our thing.”

“Deal,” he said, letting go of her hand just to wrap his pinky around hers. “Although I reckon you’re gonna regret those words once we have kids.”

Somewhere along their relationship, having kids stopped being an ‘if’ and became a ‘when’. They didn’t even talk about it, not really, but it was a natural progression none of them minded. Whenever Lucy heard it, it made her smile at her partner. It was almost like they subconsciously knew they both wanted it, their souls reading each other and wanting the same thing.

~~

After travelling through France and most of Spain, they decided to rent a small house near the coast and rest for a few days. They were enjoying a glass of wine (well, beer for Niall) after dinner on the patio while playing cards. Both of them were snuggled in cozy sweaters (Lucy was wearing her favourite of Niall’s), but the air was so nice, although chilly, they didn’t want to go inside.

“Why don’t we have, like, a holiday house somewhere?” Niall asked after losing yet another game. Lucy was always better at games that required any type of strategic thinking, yet he was still grumpy after losing too many times.

She shrugged while picking up the cards to shuffle them for another round. “I actually don’t know. Properties are usually a good investment. We should look around.” She shrugged while picking up the cards to shuffle them for another round.

“We could spend a month in Spain or wherever,” he suggested looking around, as if trying to picture their future there.

“That sounds nice. But between that and our yearly road trips, I doubt we’d actually have enough time to enjoy it all.”

“Mmm, that’s true,” he hummed, thinking about it all. “But I’d really like a house in Ireland.”

“Why am I not surprised?” She let out a small laugh. Niall was nothing if not patriotic, always speaking about his country with a special spark in his eyes.

“Would you not?” He sounded almost offended, like it was an attack on his person. “I need to show you more of the country, actually. We should take some road trips there.”

“Well, it depends,” she said picking up her wine glass and taking a sip. “I think it’d be nice as a cottage, a get away house, but I don’t think I’d want to live there, not yet at least, maybe once we’re old or something.”

He was silent for a minute, sorting through his own thoughts and feelings. “Well, I always thought I’d move back one day. But you’re right, it wouldn’t be practical to live there now, not with our jobs and plans. You’re not crossing it out though, right? We’ll think about it in a few years?”

“Would you ask for a divorce if I said no?” she teased.

“Oh yeah, it’s a deal breaker for me.” Niall joined with the same joking manner, although his tone and face was serious. “We should have talked about it before, huh?”

“As long as we’d both be able to do the job we’d want to do while living there, I’m pretty open to it,” she said seriously. They’d both learned a long time ago that home was wherever they were together, the actual place didn’t matter that much.

He smiled brightly, leaning over the table between them to give her a happy kiss. “What about now, though? Would it be okay if we looked around? Got a little cottage in the middle of nowhere or something?”

She held to his neck to give him one more kiss before letting go and settling back in her seat. They only had this much space between them, so Niall would look into her cards, but maybe it was time to end the game. “Yeah, of course. That’d be nice, actually, our little escape.”

With both of their lifestyles being so hectic, they probably wouldn’t have too much time to actually spend there, but Ireland was close enough for a quick weekend getaway trip. She liked that perspective. Or both of them flying down from wherever they were and meeting there for a couple of days together, away from the noisy world. Just them and their little bubble. It sounded like heaven. This whole honeymoon made both of them wonder how were they supposed to go back on their separate travels soon, after spending so much time by each other’s side.

They had those bittersweet moments, when they were still together, but already missing the other person, even before they were gone. They’d catch the other looking a bit distant, a sad glint in their eyes and just know, making sure to squeeze the other person’s hand or give a specially tight hug or a reassuring kiss.

Even though none of them said anything, they both wondered how long will their life look like that, constantly apart, missing each other and living from one visit to the other. But in the end, there was never any doubt in their minds whether it was worth it. And that’s all that truly mattered.

[fandom-smut-shots]

Keiji Akaashi - Just an Average Day

Just an Average Day – Keiji Akaashi

Alex

A/N: Ahh, an outlet for my endless fangirling. Three cheers for self-indulgence.

So I’ve never written Akaashi. I hope it turned out okay.

Also the omelet described in this story is called omurice and it’s AMAZING.

Words: 1,210

           A soft hum sounded in your throat as you shifted into consciousness, your eyes slowly fluttering open to gage your surroundings. Your bedroom was dark, signaling that the curtains were still drawn, only allowing light to seep in through the cracks at the bottom of the drapes. In your groggy, half-asleep state, you struggled to recall what day it was, exhaling in relief upon discovering that it was Sunday, and neither you nor the man you were currently snuggling into had any responsibilities with which to bother. Content with your discovery, you shifted closer to the warm, shirtless body sleeping beside you, tucking your head into his neck and securing an arm around his waist. In turn, he rolled onto his side to face you, a strong arm wrapping around your back and tugging you closer to a toned chest despite being fully asleep. With a smile on your lips, you buried your face in the warmth and drifted back into slumber.

           When you awoke again, it was due to a lack of presence beside you. Pouting, you tiredly rose to a seated position, blinking slowly as you inhaled. Your lips parted to release a yawn, and you stretched your arms above your head. Since you and your boyfriend first began living together, you’d grown accustomed to having his body beside yours in bed. You struggled to fall asleep without him at least in the room, preferably wrapped around you, and you only managed to sleep for about half an hour longer after he left. With that in mind and blinking away your grogginess, you guessed that Keiji must be in the kitchen, fixing a pot of tea and some sort of breakfast for the two of you. He was the absolute definition of an “early bird,” rarely lounging in bed for more than half an hour after waking. The only special occasions were your birthday, your anniversary, when you were sick, or when you awoke before him and managed to bribe him with puppy eyes and sweet kisses.

         Your feet slipped easily into the slippers placed on the floor on your side of the bed, allowing you to cross the room in the direction of your window. You pulled back the curtains, smiling at the realization that Keiji, as usual, left them closed in a failed attempt to let you sleep in. Humming in content as light flooded the room, you made your way to the door and headed out towards the kitchen. Stepping out into the hallway, your suspicions were confirmed as the scent of egg and fried rice wafted through your nostrils. Upon entering the kitchen, you found Keiji with his back towards you, whisking away at the contents of the frying pan on the stove. Two steaming mugs of tea were placed on the counter, and you knew without asking that one had already been steeped and sweetened to your preference. Shuffling up to the counter, you slid the mugs out of the way and pressed your back to the surface, bracing your palms on the edge in order to hoist yourself up into a seated position. Keiji glanced up at you just as you picked up your tea, heated perfectly in your favorite mug. He smiled upon meeting your eyes, tilting his head up and letting his eyes fall closed. You leaned forward, pressing your lips to his with a soft “Thanks for the tea.”

         “I knew you’d be getting up soon,” he responded, turning his attention back to breakfast. “I figured it would be cooled by the time you joined me.”

         “You know me so well,” you teased, bringing the mug to your lips and taking a careful sip. Damn, your boyfriend was right. The temperature was still warm enough to soothe while being cool enough to properly consume, and he’d sweetened it perfectly. Was Keiji Akaashi made in a lab or something?

         “You’ve complained on numerous occasions that you can’t sleep without me beside you,” he responded simply, folding the omelet in the pan to let it finish cooking.

         “And yet you refuse to stay in bed with me,” you chided teasingly, giggling afterwards. The ghost of a smile stole on his lips, so you counted it as a win.

         “We can’t all laze about all day,” was his reasoning, sliding the omelet onto a plate and drizzling sauce* over top of it.

         “We can when it’s Sunday and we have nowhere else to be,” you countered, sipping at your tea and lightly swinging your legs.

         In lieu of a response, he simply turned to set two plates of food on the kitchen table, complete with silverware. He then took his mug of tea in one hand and offered the other to you, watching as you laced your fingers with his. Setting your own tea on the counter, you jumped, landing gracefully on the kitchen floor. Picking up your tea, you crossed the room to take a seat at the table, smiling softly as Keiji sat opposite you.

         “You spoil me,” you commented, tearing open your omelet with a fork and watching as the fried rice inside spilled out.

         “You deserve spoiling,” he replied, taking a drink of his tea.

         A giggle tumbled from your lips as you continued to eat. “Delicious as always, babe,” you complimented, scooping the last bite onto your fork.

         “I’m glad you enjoyed it,” the former setter returned, finishing off his own breakfast. “As I recall, it’s one of your favorites.”

         “Everything you cook is my favorite,” you countered, “but yes, this is in the top three.”

         Keiji didn’t have to inquire as to what the other two dishes were that encompassed your top three – he’d been cooking for and dining with you long enough to figure it out on his own. He rose from the table, collecting your plate and fork along with his own and carrying them to the counter. You watched, tea in hand, as he opened the dishwasher and loaded it with the dirty dishes, closing it and sauntering away upon deciding that it wasn’t yet full enough to warrant running. He returned to the table only to pick up his own tea and to lean forward, granting you the kiss you were silently requesting, tilting your chin up and bringing his attention to your lips.

         “Movie marathon?” he offered, extending a hand towards you. A grin split your lips as you placed your hand in his, following him into the adjacent living room. You sat on the couch, placing your tea on the end table beside you, as Keiji plucked up the remote and dropped down onto the couch as well. You snuggled into his side as he turned on the tv and scrolled through Netflix, selecting the next installment of the movie franchise you were currently working through. His arm draped around your shoulders, a comfortable weight grounding you to his body as he allowed himself to relax. With a hum, you threw your legs across his lap, watching as the ghost of a smile danced on his lips. He turned his head, pressing a kiss to your forehead as the movie began, and you exhaled softly in contentment. Keiji was precise and predictable, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

  *It’s supposed to be ketchup but my fiancé makes like a teriyaki sauce to pour on it instead and it’s so good.

[xmagicxshopx]

Spring Cleaning - Chapter 4

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Comedy Rating: PG - M ( future smut ) Warnings: None in this chapter Pairing: personal assistant!jungkook x ceo!reader Notes: AU fic. Not idol!jungkook. Single quote marks ‘ ‘ are for thoughts and double “ “ are for talking. Additional Notes: This chapter may seem like a filler but I think it’s important for character development since Kook and reader are spending time together and getting to know each other~

Tagging: @deolly​ @katebacks​

Summary: Your mother built you to be a thriving business machine. However, in her old age, she’s growing soft and wants grand kids to spoil. Your home and yard are a mess due to your busy schedule. So your mother attempts to kill two birds with one stone.

MASTERLIST || CH 1 || CH 2 || CH 3 

“Good night, Mr. Jeon.”

“Good night, Miss. Kwon.”

Last night had ended just as the night before. Only......it hadn’t? As he laid there in bed staring at the ceiling but not really seeing it, he let the events of last night play back in his mind’s eyes. You had told him that you were going to call off work tomorrow.....which would mean today. You----The workaholic who literally worked till she dropped, was going to take a day off??? It almost seemed too good to be true. Yet here he was, another morning rolling around and this time.....he wouldn’t have to watch you leave for work at the ass crack of dawn. It was Monday so normally you’d be getting up and getting ready for work.

“She seemed to really like breakfast yesterday. Perhaps I’ll see if she’s up and I can make more for her.”

Changing into a simple over sized t-shirt and some sweats, he made his way out of his room and instantly noticed the smell of coffee filling the house. Hmm......Well he knew that could have only came from one person. You. So it would seem you were already up. Not surprising but hopefully you’d still be somewhere around here and not having lied to him. Now that he had time to process everything, he was genuinely looking forward to you staying home today.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he reached the bottom in nothing flat. Subconsciously ruffling and fluffing his shaggy long locks, he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw not only you sitting at the dining table sipping on coffee, but your mother too. Well dang.

“Jungkookieeee! Darling! It’s so good to see you! Come! Have some coffee with us!”

While he had managed to keep professional eye contact with your mother, he was pretty sure he could see you visibly cringe out of the corner of his eye and he couldn’t help but internally snicker. Your mother was quite......obvious with her intentions still despite everything. However, he offered a warm and friendly smile before saying casually in a light and happy tone,

“I’d love to, Mrs. Kwon. Thank you.”

Of course she motioned for him to sit next to you and who was he to defy your mother??? Trying to keep a straight face and not grin like a moron, he took the seat next to you and decided to sneak a glance your way. You seemed to be texting someone at a rate that not even he could keep up with. If the look of deep concentration was anything to go by, he decided it was best not to say anything to you till you were done.

“How do you like your coffee, my dear?”

“Oh just black is fine, Mrs. Kwon.”

“Ugh. Gross. You’re just like my daughter. You two need more sweetness in your lives. Some sugar and cream. Lots of cream.”

Thank god he hadn’t actually took a drink from his mug yet or else he would have choked just as he nearly had on the noodle from his soup last night. What was it with these Kwon women??? Always full of surprises it would seem. After cautiously taking a sip of his coffee, he glanced over to see what your reaction had been but you simply kept typing furiously away on your phone.

“So what brings you over so early in the morning, Mrs. Kwon? Is everything alright?”

“Oh I just happened to get a frantic text from my poor Jiminnie this morning. Something about how my daughter might be in trouble because she was calling off work today. So I rushed right over.”

However, the tone that your mother spoke in was anything but worried. In fact, her voice just happened to be dripping in amusement. Something that the male instantly caught on to. Taking another sip of his coffee, he noticed you grumbling as you finally put your phone down. Goodness. Weren’t your thumbs about to fall off?

“I still don’t think it’s that big of a shock. I’m taking a day away from the office. So what???”

The table grew silent while you huffed and took a sip of your now stone cold coffee. Oh well. That was okay. It would be cold like your soul as you thought to yourself. Even though your mother liked to pick on you, even she knew now wasn’t a good moment to poke fun at your statement. While Jungkook hadn’t known you for very long, less than a week in fact, he knew enough not to comment either. It was then that your mother decided to break the tense silence as she cleared her throat and asked casually,

“So what are the plans for today, my darlings?”

That was a good question. What were your plans??? Now that you weren’t sitting there texting Jimin an entire playbook on how to run a company for just. one. day., you finally had some time to think about what you wanted to do with this time away from the office. The growling of your stomach gave you the first idea.

Grocery shopping. Ah yes. You were supposed to do that with Jungkook sometime soon. So that way he could fix food he knew you would actually like instead of just guessing. Hearing a soft chuckle over next to you, you glanced over to see Jungkook smiling to himself in amusement and delight as he silently got up from his chair before padding over to the kitchen and announcing happily,

“Mrs. Kwon, you should stay for breakfast. My treat.”

“Why thank you, dear! Mr. Jeon has quite the manners. Doesn’t he, sweetheart?”

“Absolutely selfless, he is.”

Your tone was one of a deadpanned as you silently grumbled while sipping on your ice cold coffee. You could practically feel the male snickering behind you while he shared a look of amusement with your mother. Two against one. How unfair. While Jungkook went about fixing breakfast for the three of you, your mother pipped up about how it would be a good idea to start making a list of all the groceries you’d need.

It kind of reminded you of the days where she was training you to be her successor. The one to take her place in the company that she had held so dearly once upon a time. But now it was almost like your mother was teaching you how to be a normal human being again. Honestly, it wasn’t far from the truth. You didn’t know it, but your mother felt incredibly guilty for having turned you into such a workaholic. A soul who was alive but not actually living.

As he stood there in the adjoining kitchen cutting up peppers to put in the fried potatoes, he couldn’t help but watch you and your mother at the dining table. It all felt so.......domestic? The real question was.....how did that make him feel? The initial feeling was that he liked it. But should he? This was supposed to be a job and a job only for him. Cooking, cleaning, being your personal assistant so that you could focus on your company and not have to worry about life at home so much.

So then why did it feel like he was fixing breakfast for his girlfriend and his potential mother-in-law???

Shaking his head a bit to clear it, he continued working on breakfast and decided to listen in on your conversation. Perhaps focusing on tasks such as grocery shopping would help distract him from these odd thoughts and feelings that were bubbling inside his chest and confusing his brain.

It seemed like in no time at all, a western omelet fit for royalty had been placed on three plates as well as Jungkook coming up with his own little healthy touch of fruit salad as a small side dish for each of them as they all three sat at the dining table. But not before the male had kindly offered to refill their coffee mugs. Needless to say, your mother was glowing while you were brooding.

“My my my. I’m going to have to come over for breakfast more often! I could get used to this!”

“You want him? You can have him.”

Having quickly become used to your sour humor, your words didn’t phase Jungkook a bit. As for your mother, however, she still lightly scolded you for being so rude to someone who had just slaved over a hot stove to make you breakfast. If your mother only knew. Jungkook thrived in the kitchen and being a slave was the last thing he felt like right now.

“It’s quite alright, Mrs. Kwon. I take no offense to it. Please do enjoy your breakfast before it gets cold.”

Wow. When your mother was all feather ruffled and huffy and puffy......it made the two of you look so much alike. There was no denying that you two were blood related. In that moment, Jungkook learned that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. It was actually kind of cute, really. Thankfully, your mother took his encouraging words and ran with it as she finally took the first bite of the best omelet she had ever had.

Aside from the occasional bickering between you and your mother, breakfast was actually quite lovely. If it hadn’t been for looking over the grocery list the two of you had made up, Jungkook would have started feeling all domestic again and that wasn’t what he needed right now. He needed to stay focused on his job and be just your personal assistant. Nothing more and nothing less.

‘Stay focused, Jeon.’

Once breakfast was over and Mrs. Kwon insisted on helping load the dishwasher, you had made the announcement that you’d be heading upstairs to shower before accompanying your assistant to the grocery store. Both your mother and said assistant simply nodded with smiles that were nearly identical in mischief. This only caused you to narrow your eyes suspiciously at them before huffing and heading upstairs. Still not fair.

“You know, Jungkookie, there’s a carnival in town this week. Perhaps you and my daughter might wish to go?”

Dang. Your mother wasn’t going to make his latest internal struggle any easier, was she? At first, he really hadn’t minded her obvious attempts at match making. However, now that he was starting to feel these odd domestic type feelings, it was becoming much more difficult to shrug them off as just all-in-good-fun teasing.

“A carnival sounds like a lot of fun, Mrs. Kwon. Would you like to join in if we go?”

There. Maybe if he could try to turn the tables a bit, it might make him feel a little less self-conscious. While he appreciated your mother’s enthusiasm and confidence in his ability to please you, Jungkook was in no shape to be someone’s love interest. For several reasons. Reasons that he really didn’t care to think about right now.

“Oh my no. I wouldn’t want to intrude. But I think my daughter needs to get out more and she seems to listen to you better than she does me. So perhaps you could convince her to go, hmm?”

Well that didn’t work. At all. He should have known better, honestly, but it had been worth a shot. After assuring the woman that he would at least try to run the idea by you, that seemed to be enough to satisfy her and she proceeded to insist that she could handle the dishes if he too wanted to wash up before heading to the grocery store.

With that, he nodded and headed up the stairs to take a quick shower and make himself decent for the task at hand. While in the shower, it felt anything but quick as he got lost in thoughts. Thoughts of you and your mother and how he felt about having breakfast with the two of you. It was nice. Really nice. But he was probably just overthinking it. He had a tendency to do that with things that confused him.

After getting all washed up and towel drying his shaggy mop of hair, he then proceeded to comb and dry said mop. Honestly, he felt he looked more mature with long hair but dang was it a hassle to take care of. Once his dark locks were perfectly quaffed, he dressed in a light yellow button up shirt tucked into a pair of ripped skinny jeans.

There we go. Not too dressy but not too casual. Spritzing on some cologne his father got him for his birthday last year, he checked himself in the mirror one more time before determining he looked good and professional. He could only imagine how his best friend from Busan Jimin felt. Having to wear a monkey suit day in and day out being your real assistant.

If only you knew that him and Jimin knew each other. That your personal assistant and company assistant were childhood best friends from Busan. For some reason, he just didn’t have the desire to tell you yet. That was something else he couldn’t quite explain. Why exactly did he want to keep it a secret? What did he have to gain by keeping the information from you? There he goes again, thinking way too much.

‘Get your butt out there, Jeon. They’re probably waiting on you.’

After giving himself a small pep talk in the bathroom mirror to just act natural and that he’s on business as your personal assistant, he took one last deep breath and exhaled slowly before bracing himself and heading out of his room to truck downstairs. He could do this. He could do this. This is a business trip to stock your home with food that he will eventually cook for you. Just business. Just busin----

Wow.

He was beginning to think he was going to be the next poor sap stuck in a monkey suit if this was how you always dressed to go grocery shopping.

Pointed toed heels that looked more like weapons rather than footwear. And dang did you look dangerous in that pantsuit. Keeping it classic. Black. Pitch black. Not to mention how it hugged your body in all the right ways. For a woman who either didn’t eat at all or ate nothing but take-out, you still had a gorgeous figure. Or maybe he was just biased???

Your hair was pulled back in what appeared to be the most tight knit bun he had ever seen. In fact, just looking at it was giving him a headache. Maybe if you didn’t have your hair up so tightly all the time, you wouldn’t be so grumpy. But he wasn’t about to tell you that. He’d like to keep all his body parts attached, thanks. Seriously......those heels could poke someone’s eye out.

“You ready to head out, Mr. Jeon? Mother has offered to watch the place while we’re out.”

“Absolutely, Miss. Kwon.”

“You two enjoy the shopping trip and I’ll just be here monitoring the dishwasher and maybe dust here and there a bit. I’ll make sure Jimin holds down the fort at the company as well. Just go and enjoy yourselves!”

Well.....as enjoyable as grocery shopping could be, anyhow. With an obvious eye roll, you simply snapped your fingers and started moving to the door, heels making clacking sounds loud enough to wake the dead. Given the fact that your floors switched back and forth between hardwood and marble. God didn’t your feet hurt in those things??? Weren’t your toes squished???

It was when the two of you finally got outside and was swinging by the garage that he realized it had never been discussed who’s vehicle they’d be taking. But judging from your confident steps towards your sleek black Hyundai Palisade, it would appear that you were driving. He shouldn’t have been surprised, honestly. It made perfect sense. With his truck, he didn’t have much space in the backseats and he highly doubted the bed of a truck was sanitary for food to be packed into.

You had already climbed into the driver’s seat by the time he got to the passenger side. He was no psychologist, but from the short amount of time he had spent with you thus far, he could tell one thing.......You liked being in control. Of everything. Wordlessly climbing into the passenger seat, he got himself buckled in and watched you start the vehicle before the two of you were finally out of the garage and on your way to the grocery store.

“Okay. The job is simple. We get the list out, buy everything on the list, pay for it, and get out of here.”

Jungkook expected nothing less from you so he simply smiled and gave you a thumbs up before climbing out of the car. The ride to the store had been silent as the grave and he wasn’t about to ruin that. It was an odd peaceful kind of silence even if he could feel your mild agitation radiating from you in the driver’s seat. If this had truly been your first day off from the company in---like---ever, then he could understand how tense you might be feeling. You probably felt like a new mother letting go of her new born baby for the first time since giving birth.

Walking into the store, you immediately pulled your phone out to bring up your electronic list. While you did that, Jungkook took it upon himself to be your assistant and took a disinfectant wipe from the public dispenser and cleaned down the bar handle of one of the carts from the docking area. With list ready and a cart set to go, the two of you made your way to the first section of the store. The fruits and vegetables.

So far so good. You were being very cooperative and well-behaved during the whole trip. A nice change from the first time the two of you went to the store together. Perhaps because you were working. You actually had a task that you needed to complete. Again, Jungkook was no psychologist, but he was pretty sure if you weren’t working, you just simply didn’t know how to act. Which was kind of, sort of, really sad.

“Okay so we’ve taken care of the fruits, vegetables, meats. Now what?”

“Well if we’re going to have stir fry one night this week, we’re going to need some rice. Let’s head there next.”

There he goes again. That feeling bubbling up in his chest again and filling his stomach with butterflies. Dang it. He had been doing so good too. But watching you retrieve items here and there, sometimes needing his help because the items were too high up, it all felt so.......domestic. That word just kept floating around in his head. It felt like the two of you had decided to go to the grocery store after work. Discussing dinners ahead of time and all that. Gah he was going to go insane!

You, on the other hand, were having a hard time focusing but for other reasons. Your assistant was dressed quite nicely today despite the lack of professionalism. While you approved of the yellow button up, the skinny jeans were a bit too casual for your liking. Or maybe you just didn’t like how well they hugged his thighs? Nah. It was just too casual for you. Yeah. That was it. That had to be the reason. Maybe next time you’d make a comment about dressing more appropriately for the job. But today you’d let it slide.

He smelled really nice too. You briefly wondered what cologne he uses when you realized that you couldn’t reach a box of pasta for Italian Nights. Without even having to ask, you could feel a huge warm body coming up behind you that smelled just like your assistant. Sure enough, Jungkook extended his long arm and easily plucked the box of pasta from the shelf before flashing you a bright bunny-like smile and handing it over to you.

“Here you are, Miss. Kwon.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jeon. I appreciate it. Now you know one of the reasons why I don’t go grocery shopping in the first place.”

Wow. Did you just crack a joke??? He was pretty sure you did. Or at least tried to. Smiling and feeling more at ease knowing that you were starting to ease up a bit, he continued to push the cart that only kept getting heavier and heavier as the two of you walked down the aisles. The rest of the trip went mostly in silence aside from the small discussion of price comparing here and the task of picking out the least beaten up box there.

It seemed like in no time at all, the two of you were heading up to the register and placing the items down for scanning and payment. This process too went mostly in silence but, again, it was peaceful. An unspoken agreement that there didn’t need to be words exchanged in order to check out their groceries. This was a job, after all. He needed to stay professional.

Thank goodness you had brought your vehicle instead of his because he wasn’t sure if even the bed of his truck would have held all these groceries. After Jungkook insisting that he do all the packing and storing into the vehicle, being that he was your assistant and all, you took this opportunity to send a quick text to Jimin asking him how things were going before shooting your mother a text informing her that the two of you were on your way home now.

“I think that was a very successful trip, don’t you think, Miss. Kwon?”

“It wasn’t as bad as I had initially thought it would be. Although I don’t remember groceries being so pricey. Then again.....it has been awhile.”

While you spoke in your professional tone, it still made him smile to hear you yet again trying to poke fun at your own self. You were lightening up. Even if only just a little. Progress was progress no matter how small. That’s how he looked at it. With the both of you in the vehicle once more with the back plum full of food, you put it in gear and started the trip back home.

“Thank you for helping me with the groceries, Mr. Jeon. I feel our next task should be shopping for items such as cleaning supplies and toiletries. Not just for myself, but for you as well. My home is your home now.”

Dang. Maybe there was something in that chicken soup he made last night that he didn’t know about. Or maybe all you needed was some real sleep and rest in order to feel a little bit better and a little less moody. Not only did you just thank him, but you said your home was his home. You were certainly giving him whiplash with your crazy mood swings.

“And after that, we should focus on the grounds of the estate. Compile that list of tools and equipment you’ll need and we will make another trip out.”

“Will that trip be today, Miss. Kwon? Don’t forget, we need to eat lunch soon.”

“Probably not today. We’ll run out of time. Because this afternoon, after lunch, we’ll make a run to the store for items such as the cleaning supplies and any toiletries I’ve failed to stock up on. But again, we’re shopping for you too. So purchase anything you need while we’re there. It won’t come out of your paycheck so don’t worry about that.”

“Thank you for your kindness and generosity, Miss. Kwon. I greatly appreciate it. I will do my very best to make this arrangement worth your time and money.”

While you knew what the poor man was referring to, it still sent your mind straight to the gutter. Trying not to snicker or, rather, trying not to snicker too noticeably, you found yourself finally pulling into the driveway of your huge estate and pressing the button that would open the garage door. Once the car was parked, you turned it off and sported a smug smile while taking your seat belt off as you said casually yet teasingly,

“Be careful, Mr. Jeon. Anyone who didn’t know any better might think your intentions are anything but pure.”

At first he didn’t get it. Those doe eyes of his blinking at you in confusion as you smirked and got out of the vehicle, but not before popping the trunk and unlocking all the doors and heading inside the house. Anything but pure??? Why would you say that? It almost sounded like you were trying to say he was.......OH!! Instantly, he could feel the heat sprout all over his face and down his neck and even to the tips of his ears. It spread like a wildfire as he quickly climbed out of the passenger seat.

He would never do that to you! Never ever! He was a good man! Suddenly needing to pop the top button of his yellow dress shirt, the poor boy managed to resist as he tried his very best to focus on the task at hand which was to pack the groceries into the house. Oh god! Your mother was in there!

‘Heavenly Father, please give me the strength to deal with these Kwon women!’

After saying the quick prayer and doing his very best to calm himself down, he cleared his throat and began taking bags into both of his arms. Given his muscular physique, it was super easy for him to pack several bags on both arms. Unbeknownst to him, he was getting payback as you came back around the corner of the garage to help him.

Muscles. Lots and lots of muscles. Bulging muscles. You had to stop yourself right on the spot as you had just came from informing your mother that the two of you were back from the shopping trip and would need some help packing the groceries in. First of all, you weren’t quite sure why you felt the need to help since it was Jungkook’s job as your assistant to do this stuff and he would normally be doing all of this by himself anyway while you were at work.

Secondly, why were you still standing there eyeing him up like a piece of meat??? Perhaps it was because of the.......dry spell.....you had found yourself in recently. Yeah. That was probably it. You were just horny. Sexually frustrated. Yeah. That was it. Pulling yourself together just in time for Jungkook to turn around, you managed to plaster that confident smirk from earlier back on your face as you gave him a curt nod only to watch his face flush pink all over again.

“Oh my, Jungkookie! You look flushed! And no wonder from packing all those bags. Here. Let me help you.”

“It’s quite alright, Mrs. Kwon. I got this. But if it wouldn’t be too much to ask, may I have a bottle of water?”

“Absolutely, my dear boy! Anything for you!”

The male was grateful that your mother was so easily distracted. Not to mention he could really use that bottle of water right now. He needed something to cool himself down. That smirk you had worn was just a little too much for him right now. He was still rather flustered over your teasing words from earlier.

It wasn’t that Jungkook was innocent. He wasn’t a virgin, that’s for sure. But......that topic was just......different for him? He was the type of guy who wanted to find his beautiful princess and turn her into a queen. He wanted to love her and cherish her. Settle down and start a family with her. It wasn’t sex to him. It was making love. So perhaps that’s why he was so taken aback by your crude words. Because that’s not who he was. Again----He was a good man.

“Here you go, my dear. Take a moment and just relax. Sip on some water and I’ll take these into the kitchen.”

“No no, Mrs. Kwon. This is my job as your daughter’s assistant. I just needed something to help with the spring heat is all.”

“Nonsense. I may be up there in years but I’m not crippled yet.”

Knowing it was no use to fight with a Kwon woman, he simply uncapped the bottle of water and let the ice cold liquid run down his throat. There. That was better. He just needed to cool off a bit and it would help him focus a bit better. With the cold water running through his heated bloodstream, he set the bottle down on the foyer table and went back out to help pack in more groceries.

With the three of you working together, all the groceries were now packed into the kitchen and all that needed to be done was putting them away in appropriate cabinets and such. Jungkook insisted he be the one to do that while you and your mother decide on what you want for lunch. This way you were stuck with your mother and couldn’t tease him any further. At least for a little bit.

After deciding on barbecued pulled pork and a side salad, Jungkook quickly went to work in his favorite habitat. The kitchen. While he allowed the pork to cook, he had taken time to make a fresh pitcher of lemonade. Fresh as in fresh fresh. No powdery packets or any of that imitation stuff you can buy in the store in the water enhancement aisle. No. He was taking real lemons and squeezing them into a pitcher of heaven.

Filling three cups up full of ice and lemonade, he set two of them for you and your mother on the dining table where you were currently trying to calm down a frantic Jimin as he practically screeched in panic through your cell phone. He might as well have been on speaker, honestly. Sighing heavily, you excused yourself from the dining and connecting kitchen area to go up to your office where you could have a proper conference call with your frazzled assistant. Seriously. It was one day! One day!

“Jungkookie, darling, could you have a seat with me, please?”

Oh boy....

How did this keep happening to him???

“Sure thing, Mrs. Kwon. Let me just check on the pork really quick.”

Trying to buy himself all of an extra few seconds to brace himself, the male actually did check the meat and it was coming along nicely. With nothing else to help him worm his way out of this conversation, he tried to act cool and calm on the outside as he took a seat at the table next to your mother.

“First of all, the lemonade is wonderful.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Kwon. I felt it was appropriate for spring time.”

“Indeed indeed. However, that’s not what I wish to talk to you about.”

He figured as much. And rather than saying it out loud, he remained silent as he waited for the older woman to speak once more. Although Jungkook couldn’t help but notice how her face was suddenly etched with lines of sadness and guilt. She turned in her seat so that she could face him more and he did the same out of respect. Clearly something was bothering your mother.

“I know I don’t make my intentions very secretive. But you have to understand, Kookie. I’ve destroyed my own daughter and I need to put her back together. It’s my fault she’s like this and I need to right this wrong I’ve done.”

“Mrs. Kwon, with all due respect, your daughter is her own person who makes her own decisions. You didn’t do anything to her. She’s chosen to be this way.”

His heart was hammering in his chest as he realized this conversation was taking quite the deep turn. This definitely wasn’t the conversation he was expecting to have given his previous exchanges with your mother. The woman in front of him now was torn with sadness and misery. It broke his heart to see someone as sweet as your mother feeling so sad like this.

“But it is my fault, Kookie. I trained her to be this way because that’s how I was back in the day. But now that I’m getting older and I’ve slowed down.....I realize now how important it is to stop and smell the roses. That life isn’t entirely about work. I did that to her. I treated her like a robot to be programmed a certain way and now my little girl is gone.”

Oh boy. Now your mother was starting to cry. Oh boy. Okay. He could do this. He could handle this. Trying to stay calm for her on the outside, he got up from his seat and briskly went into the living room where he found a box of tissues and came back only to offer one and set the box on the table while he took his seat once more. Gently rubbing the woman’s back, he spoke softly,

“Mrs. Kwon. You were only doing what you thought was best for your company at the time. But things change. People change. Perhaps your daughter enjoys being busy with the company?”

“But she’s not living, Kookie. She’s alive but she’s not living. She just goes through the motions like the robot I turned her into. She doesn’t get out and socialize. She doesn’t treat herself to anything nice. She’s breathing but that’s all she’s doing.”

Suddenly, the woman took both of his hands in hers and she sniffled a little before putting her full attention back on the male. Good lord he hated to see women cry. Especially women as sweet as your mother. He could feel a lump forming in his throat as he gently gripped her hands while he waited for her to say something.

“I need you to help her, Jungkook. I know it’s selfish of me but I need your help. When Jimin reached out to me and told me about you, I knew you were the one who was going to bring my daughter back to me. And maybe......”

He felt his eyebrows knit together in confusion as he listened to this new round of information. Jimin had been behind this??? Wait.......oh.......Okay. Now it made sense. Your mother was looking out for you......while his best friend was looking out for him.

“And just maybe.......you can heal too.”

Meanwhile, you stood there at the bottom of the stairs with your back against the wall listening in. But all you got to hear was that your assistant needed healing. What did that mean? Was he sick? Did he need this job to help pay medical bills?

‘What’s your story, Mr. Jeon Jungkook?’

[ravenforce]

Ithaca Pt. 5

Word Count: 6078

Warning/s: Implied smut. Angst somewhere. Steve and Val’s still kind of a bitch.

A/N: I wrote my head off for this part. Fitting word count before we transition to the Oceans 8 arc, don’t you think? God, I hope you like this part. Please, comment your reactions. I really love reading from you guys!  

PS. If there are any grammatical mistakes I’ve still overlooked, I apologize.

PSS. Since you’re already reading this part. Please, be careful out there. Protect yourself from NCOV. Wear a mask if you’re going outside. Wash your hand regularly, and bring alcohol everywhere you go. Take your vitamins C seriously, and stay hydrated. If you feel flu like symptoms, get yourself checked by experts. Don’t self-medicate. The world is a better place because you’re here. Stay with me. xx

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

Manhattan: 1 | 

***

Waking up with hangovers has never been your problem ever since you started drinking when you were sixteen. No matter how much you drink, and how drunk you get, you never wake up with a hangover. Mostly, you just wake up exhausted, that’s it; today’s not an exemption. You cracked an eye open and by the cast of beautiful orange around your white walls, streaming from your window blinds, you knew that you slept the whole day away.

You and Maria left the Starks around 6:00 AM. The streets were still almost empty in the sleepy Saturday morning, so you arrived at your apartment after twenty minutes. Maria was already shedding her jacket even before you both could enter the apartment. 

“Ugh! I’m so tired,” Maria groaned as she continues to shed the rest of her outfit, leaving a trail of clothes on the floor. 

You made sure the deadbolt on the door was locked before heading to your room as well. You had to chuckle at the mess your best friend made before picking everything up. Maria’s never a slob but when she’s drunk, she cares very little where she shed her clothing. Your eyebrow shot to your hairline when the trail stopped in front of your door.

“Uhm. Bubba this isn’t your room,” you said softly while leaning on your doorway. 

Maria grunted before hauling her upper body using her elbow. “Shush! Clothes off, and come to bed, now,” she demanded before leaning back down. 

“Yes ma’am,” you whispered more to yourself before folding Maria’s clothes and leaving it on a neat pile on your chair. 

“Hurry up,” Maria whined, prompting you to kick at your jeans and stripping as fast as you could in your exhausted state. 

You crawled in your own bed cautiously. Maria was scooting over you, seeking your body warmth even before you could properly settle down. She reached back at you and made you wrap your arms around her. 

“Night Y/N. Love you,” she muttered half asleep. 

In the course of your sleep, Maria ended up facing you instead of being the little spoon. You can’t help but smile at the sight of her sleeping face and her holding your hand. You thought Maria’s breathtaking every day but at that moment, as her sleeping serene face is bathed with the golden orange of the setting sun, you thought she’s ethereal. Your smile dipped a little when you remembered. 

“I can hear you thinking, Y/N,” she whispered, voice rough and eyes still close. 

You chuckled. “Sorry,” you said gravely. 

Maria slowly opened her eyes at your tone. You stared at each other for a minute or two before she tried to lean in and kiss you but you playfully shoved her back on the bed. 

“Morning breathes, silly,” you teased before rolling on your side and walking out and in the bathroom. 

Maria groaned.

***

“You’re such a tease,” Maria said after following you in the bathroom with her toothbrush in hand.

You looked back at your best friend through the mirror and threw her a smirk. You grinned in front of the mirror to check your teeth before taking one last wash off your mouth.

“Hurry up, bubba. I need to shower,” you complained lightly. Maria rolled her eyes at you before rinsing her mouth too.

You tried not to smile too wide as you watch her thoroughly check her pearly whites. She turned towards you.

“Now,” she started, voice an octave lower. “Can I get my kiss?”

You know she’s teasing by the small smile on her face. You rolled your eyes before relenting and quickly smacking your lips together for two seconds. Before she could complain though, you decided to splash her with water. Maria’s eyes grew like saucers, and you laughed out loud as she looks at you with her mouth hanging open.

“You’ll regret that,” she warned after getting over her initial shock.

You didn’t even move to stop her when she reached for the sink and splashed you back. You kicked the bathroom door closed to prevent the water from spilling into the hallway. For a few minutes, the small bathroom was filled with nothing but the sound of splashing water, and laughter. It only ceased when Maria pinned you against her body and the wet sink. You had to fight the urge to shiver and moan at the feeling of the cold hard granite on the small of your back, and her wet warm body on your front.

“Maria,” you whispered, trying your hardest to make it sound like a warning while watching her eyes intently.

When your gaze dropped to her lips, she didn’t give herself time to think too much before crushing your lips together. Besides, it’s not the first time she’s kissing you. Yet you couldn’t help the moan that escaped you. This isn’t like the kisses she gives you every day before she goes to school when she has a class earlier than yours, it isn’t like the kisses she gives you when you're not feeling well or the kisses she gives before she goes to bed. No, this is the kind of kiss that ignites a fire in your belly, which results in a flood in your underwear.

“Maria,” you started.

You wanted to ask her what the heck you two are doing but Maria’s hands on your ass are totally fucking distracting. When those glorious hands landed on your breasts, gently kneading and squeezing, you threw all your complaints, doubts, rules, and inhibition in the window and just enjoyed the moment. Especially knowing that it’s temporary, that it won’t last. Especially knowing that any moment, you’ll have to wake up.

And it ends, as fast as it started. Maria pulled away after god knows how long you were lip-locked. She smiled that smile that tells you Maria Hill isn’t a good girl as she surveys her handiwork. She reached out to run her thumb on your bottom lip. You can tell she loves you looking so disheveled for her.

“Go shower, and I’ll make breakfast,” she said before leaving you alone in the bathroom.

You threw your head back with a groan. “Now, who’s the tease?”

***

You emerged from the bathroom after a few minutes. Even with the kitchen exhaust on, the whole apartment smells divine with the aroma of freshly made waffles and brewed coffee wafting in the air.

“God, I love you so much,” you said when you flopped down your designated seat on the dining table.

Maria placed your favorite breakfast ensemble in front of you. She stopped dead on the spot when she saw you wearing dark skinny jeans, and your old MIT shirt.

“Going somewhere?” she asked.

You made an ungodly moan at first bite of your waffles. Maria had to sit down and cross her legs at the sound. “Somewhere,” you mumbled after washing down your first bite with coffee.

Maria frowned a little but you ignored it. The two of you ate in comfortable silence, occasionally swapping engaging in small talk, and checking your mobiles for emails and the news.

“What do you think our friends think of the bomb we dropped this morning?” Maria asked while you clear out the dishes.

You creased your brows together. “I don’t know. I don’t think it matters much,” you answered while loading the dishes on the dishwasher.

“Maybe but it certainly matters to Nat and Carol,” Maria said softly, you almost missed it.

You leaned back on the counter and hummed lightly. Maria stood and faced you. “You know they like you right?” she asked crossing her arms in front of her chest. Maria has reached her boiling point on the matter. She’s way too observant to miss the signs, and she knows your not stupid, let alone blind.

“I do.”

There’s no point in lying to her anyway.

“And you like them too,” she continued. It was more of a statement than a question really.

“I do.”

You can see by the minute that your short response is getting in her nerves. You had to fight the urge to even smile for a little.

“Is that all you’re gonna say?” Her frown growing deeper.

“What do you want to say?” you asked back, hands going into the counter to brace yourself.

“I don’t know,” she answered, running her hand through her hair. “What are you gonna do about it?”

You allowed yourself a small smile. “Nothing. I plan to do nothing about it.”

Maria’s full-blown pissed now, if the nostrils flaring and the creased eyebrow is any indication. She’s about to storm out of the dining room but you stopped her by catching her wrist when she tried to circumvent you.

“You’re fucking cute when you’re jealous,” you teased her with a shit-eating grin on your face.

“I’m not jealous.”

“Right, and I’m not your best mate,” you said before tugging her towards you. For someone who’s supposed to be mad, Maria didn’t even put up a fuss when you drew your bodies together. Your hands landing instantly at the small of her back.

You started walking her back to your bedroom. “You know you can’t be jealous, right?”

Maria sighed. You’re right and she knows it. Her breath hitched when you kissed her lightly.

“Y/N,” she moaned when you started kissing down her neck.

You didn’t stop walking until you felt Maria bump into your bed. You sucked on her pulse point before lightly shoving her down on the mattress. Maria landed on it with a soft tad, face extremely flushed and pupils fully dilated.

“I want Carol and Natasha,” you admitted while pulling your shirt over your head.

Maria frowned at your admission. You looked directly in her eyes before popping the bottom of your skin-tight jeans and drawing them down your legs.

“But you know I wanted you first,” you said before the jeans joined your other clothing on the floor. “I always have.”

“I’m sorry,” Maria said sincerely. You know she’s not lying. If you’re being honest, you think Maria never stopped being sorry for it. Not even after all these years.

You smiled softly at her. “I know,” you said before diving in the bed too.

***

Yours and Maria’s phone was vibrating on your nightstand all-day Sunday but you both decided to ignore it for the weekend. Maria took a peek through after breakfast. You were half sitting, half lying on your back on the couch when she informed you that the Avengers are convening for brunch on the farmer’s market. You looked away from the TV where you’re currently scrolling through Netflix for something to binge.

“Do I look like I plan on going out today?” you asked lazily.

Maria laughed before flopping down next to you.

“You look rather comfy,” she said as she typed out a response to Thor’s invitation.

“You can go if you want.”

You continued your mindless scrolling before you decided on X-Files.

Maria looked up when she heard the opening credits. She smiled broadly at your choice, it’s her favorite. She thought if you choose it, it means you didn’t really want her to go. She finished a text to Tony before powering her mobile off.

“Nah, I think I’ll stay. X-Files is my favorite,” she muttered before scooting closer and cuddling you.

“Nah,” you whispered before leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “I think I’m your favoritest.”

***

Meanwhile, at the diner in front of the Sunday Market, the Avengers sat at the outdoor patio.

“Has anyone heard from Maria and Y/N?” Carol asked agitated while sitting next to Wanda.

Natasha, beautiful Natasha in her black Sunday dress and dark sunglasses frowned oh so little. Tony who arrived last sat next to the redhead.

“Nah, they’re not coming,” Tony declared before popping a fry on his mouth. “Maria said something about not being able to walk properly.”

Everyone gaped at the implication. When Tony looked up and saw his friends’ faces, he just laughed out loud. He always has too much fun making them squirm, and uncomfortable.

“Gross!” Val groaned. She put her headphones back on, effectively tuning out everyone else.

“What?” Tony asked with faux innocence. His grin gave him away though. “Seriously though, they’re not coming. Not even heaven and hell can get in-between those two if they want to be together.”

“They’re that close, huh?” Natasha asked. Trying to mask her intrigue with her carefully constructed poker face.

“Yeah, they’ve known each other since they’re eight, I think,” Tony mused before he got distracted and started fiddling with the smartwatch he was trying to configure.

“If they’re so in love, why aren’t they together?” Steve said with a roll of his eyes. He stood up not long after; he’s clearly not interested in gossiping about you or your love life. When Val saw him leave, she quickly followed.

“Steve has a point?” Carol mused, knitting her perfect eyebrows together.

Thor who was quietly eating and watching people stream in and out of the market suddenly spoke. “There’s definitely a reason why. And if we know, it’s not our story to tell,” he said without looking anywhere but the crowd.

Tony grunted his agreement. “You should get to know her. Maybe, she’ll tell you,” he said before going back to his experiment.

Carol and Natasha looked at each other. Even with Nat’s dark sunglasses up, Carol knew they’re looking straight at each other. And most definitely hatching the same plan; thanks to Tony’s harmless advice.

***

As much as you wanted to prolong the weekend, Mondays are inevitable. To make it worse, you woke up in your bed with the sun beating down your face, and without Maria on your side. She has an early morning class, whereas yours starts after lunch. You looked at your alarm clock, it reads 11:30 AM. You decided to muffle a scream in your pillow before rolling out of bed. 

You can hear your phone notifications going off like crazy but you ignored it. You’re not going to be made to rush your morning routine, just to be able to make it to lunch with your friends. You decided a few hours alone time could be a good thing for you too, to decompress and leave the weekend where it should be. After your shower, you decided to wear black dress pants, an MCR shirt, and a black suit jacket. 

You had roughly an hour before class. So you decided to have lunch at the local cafe library three blocks away from campus. Even on a rush hour, the place is nearly deserted as the owner keeps the SILENCE ordinance strictly in place. Rowdy teenagers hate places where they can’t yell out their stories even though the person they’re talking to is right in front of their faces. Which made the library cafe the perfect sanctuary for you. 

Alas, 1:00 rolled around and you were still two floors below your designated classroom. Thanks to the principal who asked you to carry some of her reports to her office, you’re going to be late on your first literature class this semester. Ten minutes after, you finally arrived at your lecture, panting and sweating through your jacket, in front of your classmates. 

“ты опоздал,” (You’re late) your teacher said sternly. He looks intimidating in his stocky, bearded look but you refuse to be scared by his stature. 

You stood up straight but before you can address the man, a voice you’ve grown to know well spoke all the way from the back of the class. “Сэр, она здесь новенькая,” (Sir, she’s new here) Natasha spoke confidently. 

The teacher didn’t even take his eyes off you. “Это ничего не оправдывает” (It doesn’t excuse anything).

Before Natasha can think to defend you again, you cleared your throat before speaking up for yourself. “Извините, профессор Шостаков. Это больше не повторится,” (I'm sorry Professor Shostakov. It won't happen again), you said in perfect Russian. 

“Ах! Она разговаривает. Зовите меня Алекси,” (Ah! She speaks. Call me Alexi) you professor said with a hint of a small on his bearded face. You smiled back politely. Had you been looking around, everyone including Natasha looked surprised you speak the language extremely well.

“Вы хорошо говорите на русском,” (You speak Russian well but you don't look like one), the professor assessed. 

“Определенно не русский, но ездил туда пару раз на технические соглашения.” (Definitely not Russian but traveled there a couple of times for tech conventions.)

Professor Alexi stared at you for a minute before he put your identity together. “Heads up, Natasha. You’ve got competition. Sit down Miss Y/L/N,” he waved you away smiling before turning back to the class and continuing his lecture introduction.

Natasha waved at you to sit next to her. You shook your head when you reached her. “I’m totally not competing with you,” you whispered for only Natasha to hear. 

“Why not? That should be fun,” she whispered back. 

You had to lean back to look at her face to gauge if she’s being serious. You can see her biting her lip to prevent herself from smiling. “Are you sure about that? I don’t think you’ll like losing.”

She just had to crack a smile at that. You turned your attention back to the professor who just pulled out a book from inside his briefcase. The class let out a collective groan but not you, if you’re correct in your assumption as to what’s to come next, you’re excited. 

“Alright. Settle down, children,” Alexi’s voice boomed around the whole room. “This semester, I’m assigning Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina as your reading.”

The announcement garnered another wave of disapproval. Natasha raised her hand. 

“Yes, Natasha?”

“What’s the catch, Professor?” she asked. Alexi smiled at the young redhead. 

The bell rang. Before children can think to run out of class, the professor answered. “It’ll be in Russian text but I’m not unreasonable…” he was cut short by the class disagreeing with that statement too. “As I was saying, I’m not unreasonable. So you’ll be reviewing this book with a partner. Free-range.”

The class quickly turned towards their friends and partnered up before leaving the classroom. You and Nat were the last to leave. 

“So, no one asked me to be their partner,” Natasha said almost sheepishly. 

“I think they know that you’re mine.” 

Natasha was sure her face is as red as a tomato. When you look at her, you smiled confirmed it but you decided to say nothing about it. Instead, you reached out and held Nat’s hand before pulling her to walk with you.

Natasha was not averse per se to public displays of affection but she’s never dated anyone before who deliberately held her hand in public, except for one. When you noticed Natasha’s silence, you glanced over your shoulder to look at her. You stop on your tracks and turned to her. 

“Tasha,” you said. Only one person calls her that too. “What’s wrong?”

She looked at you before her gaze involuntarily dropped towards your conjoined hands. You quickly let her hand drop. Natasha frowned just as fast. 

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” you apologized sincerely. “I just didn’t wanna lose you in the crowd.”

That was a lame-ass excuse. Especially since there’s no crowd but you know there was really no logical explanation as to why you suddenly wanted to be physically connected to her; except that you want to. Before you blow a fuss overthinking though, you felt Natasha’s reaching for you and practically dragging you by the hand to steer you towards your next class.

“It’s okay, I just got caught off-guard,” she said before bumping your shoulders together. Both of you started giggling.

***

Natasha didn’t have another class after Russian Lit. So she walked you to the science labs for your chemistry with Mr. Banner. The labs are built as a stand-alone structure near the pond and away from the main building. The two of you spent the walk exchanging stories about anything except Anna Karenina.

“This is you,” Nat said when you arrived at the door of the labs.

You smiled at her. Something about Natasha just makes you feel grounded, and you like it. By the way, Natasha smiles at you often, and the way she goes out of her way to make you feel included and safe, you know that the feeling is mutual. You’re still cautious though. You’re playing on fire, and you know someone can get hurt if you’re not careful.

Before you can let go of Nat, someone rudely cleared their throat behind the redhead. When you glanced past her shoulder, you’re met by blazing hazel eyes. Carol is gripping the side of her backpack tightly, her knuckles are visibly turning white. Nat turned and saw Carol but didn’t make a move to let go of you.

“Carol,” she greeted. Smile too broad to be taken as friendly.

Carol gritted her teeth. “Tasha.”

If anyone has a plastic spoon on their hand right then and there, you were pretty sure they could cut the tension using it. You didn’t know exactly what to say or do, you’re entranced by the intensity of the two women in front of you. Thankfully, you were saved when Bruce suddenly opened the door. He was rather perplexed with the three of you standing idly on the spot.

“What are you three still doing here? The class’s about to start,” he said. “I’m just gonna make a quick phone call. Get inside.”

“Alright. I got to go. See you later?” Natasha said after Bruce walked past the three of you.

You smiled and nodded at her. Carol frowned deeper when Nat just walked around her without saying goodbye. You watched Carol take deep, calming breathes with her eyes closed.

“You okay, Car?”

Carol released one last heavy sigh before looking into your eyes. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah,” she answered before opening the door for you. “It’s nothing.”

***

It wasn’t nothing.

When you sat next to each other at the back of the lab, Carol barely talked to you. You tried engaging her before class started but by either the lack of or short responses from the blonde, you figured seeing Nat holding someone else’s hand before classes really did a number on her. So you let it go, and decided to focus on the lecture and the assigned worksheet for the day. When class was over, Bruce asked you and Carol to stay behind.

Carol looked nervous. You stood in front of her to stop her from glaring at Bruce and getting in more trouble than she might already be. It effectively made her look you in the eye.

“I’m sure everything’s okay,” you tried to assure her. Your hand going on both her shoulders. And just like that, all the tension on the blonde’s body evaporated, along with it is her shitty mood towards you.

“I don’t know,” she murmured. “Remember the test we had to take before we took a break? I think I flanked it.”

You remember. You also remembered Carol looking rather disheveled more that day too.

“Miss Danvers, I think you know why I called you here,” Bruce cut in. When Carol just frowned and bowed her head, Bruce continued. “You can’t flank any class, Miss Danvers. Your sports scholarship is on the line.”

“I know,” Carol answered. Her usual confident, happy personality gone at the moment. “I was just distracted.”

“I can tutor her,” you suggested.

Carol looked at you with wide eyes. Bruce smiled. “That’s exactly why I asked you to stay, actually.”

“No! No, no. You can’t ask her to do that,” Carol came to her senses and disagreed.

“Technically, he didn’t ask me. I volunteered,” you answered cheekily.

“But you’re busy too.”

“Not for you, I’m not,” you said sincerely and without hesitation.

Carol couldn’t argue after that. Bruce watched the interaction with a smile. “That’s settled then. Now, leave my lab.”

Without another thought, you reached for Carol’s hands too without thinking too much; just like how you did with Natasha.

“Are you sure you’re good to help me?”

You glanced over your shoulder. “Duh. Besides, now I don’t have to make an excuse to spend time with you.”

Carol blushed at that.

***

You’ve been having study sessions with Nat and Carol for a month and a half now. As much as possible you try to study with the two separately, as studying together can be a little stressful. Especially when Natasha and Carol can’t stop teasing each other until one of them gets seriously pissed. Knowing each other too well for too long, made pushing each other’s buttons pretty easy. 

Natasha gets pretty riled up every time Carol gets handsy with you. You didn’t mind, to be honest. You liked being in Carol’s personal space because it feels warm and safe. Being around Carol makes you feel protected; a feeling so scarce in your childhood, you almost forgot what it feels like. It doesn’t help your cause that Carol’s the type of woman who doesn’t take herself very seriously, and laughs at her own jokes; you love that about her. When Carol laughs your heart skips a beat or two, no matter how much you try to deny and compartmentalize it.

Carol, on the other hand, gets pissed when you and Natasha discuss the book in Russian; completely alienating the blonde from the conversation. You couldn’t help it though, Natasha is a whole new level of experience. Being around Natasha is playing solving your favorite puzzle. You knew Natasha’s smart through stories you’ve heard from your friends but interacting with Natasha every day, and studying together allowed you to delve into the beauty of her brain. You just love being able to pick her brains every day. 

You knew you like them from the get-go. You even confessed to Maria about it but only after you started studying with those two that you figured it’s growing to be more than just a schoolgirl crush. And by then, it was too late to hit the brakes. You’ve flown too close to the sun, and now your falling.

Just thinking about it is making you cringe for so many reasons. 

First, you don’t do feelings. You haven’t in a long time. You haven’t since Maria was adopted. A conversation that arises once when you went to Lake Tahoe to help the Odinson brothers clean up their cabin. 

Loki caught a glimpse of the wallpaper on your phone after you set it down on the center table. It’s a photo of you and Maria the weekend you ditched lunch at the Sunday Market. 

“Hey Y/N, I hope you don’t mind but I have a question,” he started.

You took two sips of your beer before answering. “I don’t mind. What is it?”

Loki looked hesitant at first. “How come you and Maria aren’t together? You had a history, right?”

Thor elbowed his younger brother when he caught the sad look on your face. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

You blinked a couple of times to get you situated back in the present. You smiled at the boys, and they know, by the way, that your smile didn’t reach your eyes that you’re only being polite.

“It’s okay. The answer is pretty simple actually,” you paused to take a huge swig of your beer. The brothers glanced at each other. “She didn’t choose me.”

The silence that followed is palpable. You figured the boys didn’t know what to say or didn’t know how to proceed. You leaned back on the couch and tucked your feet under you before launching into the story.

“It’s a long time ago. We had another friend from the orphanage, his name is Bucky. He’s Maria’s first love.”

“Let me guess, she’s yours?” Loki asked, leaning forward, clearly intrigued

“She was.”

“Did she know?”

“She does. I never lied to her.”

“And then?” You chuckled at Loki’s eagerness. 

“Bucks older than us. So he aged out of the system and decided to move away. He kept in touch though.”

“What happened next?” Thor prompted you to continue. 

“And then Nick adopted Maria. Nick travels a lot for work. So he gave Maria the option to stay and make the town ‘home base’ or move somewhere else. You can guess what she chose.”

“Why our humble town then?” Loki couldn’t help but wonder.

“I found out that Bucky was here for a while.” 

“You found out?” Loki stood from his chair and started pacing. “You helped her find the guy he likes over you?” 

“I did.”

“Why?” Loki is frustrated now. “I thought you’re a genius.”

“I never subscribe to that term, and because I love her,” you answered confidently. By the look on your face, Thor understands that you don’t regret your decision, not even for a second. 

“You’re an idiot.”

“Brother!” Thor warned but you just laughed. A genuine laugh this time. 

“I know but Bucky’s the real idiot for letting Maria go.”

Maria leaving scarred you more than you let people know. It is the reason why you stopped getting attached to people and developed a very transactional way of dealing with partners instead. You developed rules of engagement to which you and your partners should uphold. 

Rule # 1: Don’t get attached. The fun stops when the feeling starts. 

Rule # 2: If you’re the one who starts having feelings first, leave. Leave before they can leave you.

Second, Carol and Natasha are your friends. You don’t fuck friends, not after Maria that is. You find it more complicated to extricate yourself from the situation and execute Rule # 2 then because you don’t quit on your friends. Especially, friends, you can’t just ignore or ghost when things go up in flames because you live in the same town, go to the same school, goes to the same parties, have the same crew, and friends you have regular breakfast and brunches with. Leaving would be too complicated, and probably heart-wrenching. 

Lastly, you’re pretty sure Nat and Carol have history. No one talks about it, not even Maria. So either, the rest of the team doesn’t know or they all agreed not to talk about it. Either way, you have eyes, and you can see the way they look at each other when they don’t think anyone was looking. It’s still full of love, and that’s the worse fuel for your hesitation. If the two still has unresolved issues and feelings with each other, it’ll be idiotic to stand in the eye of a brewing storm.

***

In the course of studying together, Nat and Carol came clean about their feelings towards you of course. On separate occasions, of course. You also laid out your cards on the table. You told both of them your history with Maria. You told them you weren’t ready, not because you’re still hanged up on your best friend but because you’ve created a thick wall of ice around your heart that it’ll take time for it to thaw. They said they understood, they said they’ll wait.

So you don’t understand why you’re watching the two women who nearly swore on their feelings for you lip-locked, sharing spit with Steve and Valkyrie in the ballroom of Thor’s mansion where you’re currently having a party. You don’t understand why this is happening now, when you’ve already made a decision.

They’re too engrossed with each other, they didn’t even hear your glass of scotch breaking in your hand. You’re too absorbed in deciphering whether what you’re seeing is reality or a by-product of a nightmare you willingly walked into.

“What the fuck?!”

Tony screaming behind you broke you out of your reverie. Your eyes started to water, you could feel the pain in your hand as a broken glass dug into your palm. Unfortunately, the pairs broke away from each other too. Nat and Carol’s eyes instantly connected with yours. Your tear-stained face, and bloody hands cut through their alcohol addled brain.

“Y/N,” they whispered at the same time before scrambling to get off Steve and Valkyrie’s lap.

You smiled before turning on your heels and running away.

***

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