#the orphan master's son

[litsnaps]

[violetlunette]

Okay I already mentioned the plot twist of Yuu ending up with Lilia because dat thigh game too strong. 🦵 💪😤 🤣

But here’s another plot twist: what if Lilia’s papa bear/adopt children instincts somehow get triggered and latch onto Yuu?

Like, obviously, he’s focused on protecting Silver from Yuu, but there’s been a couple times where we see that, when Silver is NOT there, they CAN coexist.

And this last post of yours, with Crowley telling Lilia he can’t keep kicking Yuu because of the structural damage… that made me think “huh. You know. Crowley is supposed to be taking care of Yuu. Like… Yuu is technically all alone here. Lilia is fae. Yuu is obviously older but like. A free child is a free child. 🤷‍♀️👀💀”

So now Lilia is trying to bring Yuu into the family and telling Yuu that Silver is now Yuu’s BROTHER and Yuu is like “NO. THAT’S THE LOML.” And now Yuu and Lilia are fighting for a completely DIFFERENT reason because Lilia is now determined to take in this poor child that had to SELL THEIR KIDNEY TO AFFORD FOOD WHEN THEY FIRST GOT TO TWISTED WONDERLAND DEAR SEVENS?! while Yuu is screeching that LILIA CAN TAKE CAN CARE OF YUU WHEN YUU MARRIES INTO THE FAMILY BACK OFF BATMAN!!!!

Meanwhile Silver is watching in sleepy confusion, Sebek in horrified confusion, and Malleus in just plain confusion (but he’s happy to be there 😊)

Sorry for the long ask - I just love that series and for some reason that idea just popped into my head and was super funny to me and I wanted to share with you since your series was what inspired it! 💜

Referencing this series

Lol, I love the idea of Lilia slowly developing affection for this problem child to the point of wanting to adopt him.

This be hard for different reasons than you stated, however, as Yuu has a strong aversion towards family for—reasons. He’s also fiercely independent and would rather tear himself apart than depend on others (and he has). (Though the kidney thing isn’t a big deal. He got another one later. Leona should be careful where he naps...) He’d also have to fight Crowley for custody.

You’re on key for Yuu’s reaction though. “You can have me as a son in law, Batty!” lol.

But if Lilia thinks that adopting him will stop Yuu’s pursuit of Silver, he’s got another thing coming. Yuu can call Lilia daddy and Silver hubby easily. (Down internet, you know what I mean.)

I’m so glad people are liking my Yuu and my silly little posts! And I love that people are willing to share their thoughts on the series. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feel free to send more!

[austin-friars]

Tudor courtier history is so interesting to me because what do you mean that after Cardinal Wolsey died, Stephen Gardiner and Thomas Cromwell took care of Wolsey’s son and provided for him, and basically acted as step fathers. Mind you, at the end of Thomas Cromwell's life, these two detested each other.

So when Thomas was being executed was it like ‘my dads are divorcing?’

Also Thomas Wynters (Wolsey’s son) was 1000% having an affair with William Boyde. And he is also pretty useless.

[philosophybitmaps]

[kikenhanna17world]

"All the lessons you need to learn in life, he said, will be taught to you by your enemy." Adam Johnson

[rin-may-1103]

Just a Bite.

Master Post | Next

Danny stared out at the busy street from behind his dumpster.

or well, not his dumpster, but it might as well be his considering how many nights he's spent sitting behind it like some rabid raccoon.

Two months ago, he would have been sleeping in his own bed. His glow-in-the-dark stars vaguely lighting up his room in soft luminescent colors. The sound of Jazz snoring in her sleep just a room over, his parents still milling around in the basement.

he would have just finished fighting the box ghost and collapsed onto his bed, the sound of his home lulling him to sleep.

Oh, how things can change in a blink of an eye.

No, instead of sleeping on his bed with his cartoon ghost sheets and NASA poster covered room, he's out here in some random dirty city, sleeping behind dumpsters.

dirty, grimy, rusty dumpsters.

"did you hear?" some lady dressed in a light blue summer dress asked, turning to look at her friend as they started to walk past. "Mr. Wayne donated another lump sum to that charity." she huffed, shaking her head like she had just said the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard.

her friend stopped in the middle of the alley opening, her graying hair splaying in an ark as she twisted to face the other women. "my word! again? what the hell is that man thinking?"

the woman huffed, then smirked in amusement. "it's like he's shouting for the world to hear how desperate he is for attention. he thinks if he donates enough money to those scoudrails they'll love him or something. With how he's acting lately, it's like he wants all the street rats to barge into his home asking for money, food, and clothes."

her friend clicked her tongue in disgust, "I'd believe it. he has so many kids now, it's like he's running an orphanage. someone, anyone really, with black hair and some tragic story could walk right in and not even be noticed. they'd blend right in with the others."

"I heard it's genetic, his father was the same way before he met Martha. Bruce's blood son, Damian I believe, acts just like his father. the boy's been spotted taking stray cats and dogs inside. It wouldn't surprise me if the paper posted about him convincing his father for another sibling at some point."

the women then turned and started to walk away, their conversation slowly bleeding into the surrounding city ruckus.

Danny leaned back, resting his head against the crumbling brick behind him.

walk right in and not be noticed? wouldn't that be grand. He had heard of Mr. wayne and his gaggle of black-haired children. What were their names again? he could have sworn Sam told him before, in one of her rants about rich society.

Richard Grayson was the first, Danny remembered because Tucker had been making none stop dick jokes for a few hours. Danny didn't understand why the man would willingly go by Dick, but then again, who was he to question someone's name when he fights ghosts like Skulker and Technis on a daily basis?

Next was... Jason? Sam had mentioned there was a whole conspiracy theory of how his death was a cover-up. how all the unsolved crime community swore it was Bruce who killed the kid, that or the kid had some terminal illness that Bruce didn't want the media to know about.

thennnnnn-

Danny glanced around, trying to dig through his memories of Sam's rant. Dick: the orphaned circus act taken in the night his parents died. he's romanie? maybe, Danny wasn't too sure on that one. Jason: taken off the streets, one of his parents was out of the picture and the other one died of a drug overdose.

and then there was..... Tim! Right, Tim, the one who was Mr. Wayne's neighbor before his mother died and his dad went into a coma, then died later on. right, right. he was the known tech genius, the one who took over the company while Mr. Wayne stepped back for a while.

there were others? like, four others? Damian, the lady said he was the blood son sooo, that would imply he was the only bio kid.

who else was there? hmmmm.

well, either way, Danny's tired brain agreed with the women. someone, anyone, who looked vaguely like the other kids could walk right into the house and no one would notice.

it was a bad idea. a terrible one really. but. Danny was hungry.

he's been sleeping behind dumpsters for a few weeks now, he hadn't had anything good to eat in forever, and he was tired. (not as exhausted as he was back home, but still tired. who would have guessed he'd sleep more while homeless?)

he wasn't going to steal from people, his core wouldn't allow him to. and well, he's pretty sure Dan would have stolen already, so there was no way Danny was going to. not unless his life was at risk, and well? it wasn't right now, so no stealing.

but this? walking right into a house and blatantly taking food? right in front of them?

it wouldn't be stealing if he just flat-out didn't try to hide it. they'd be able to stop him and send him away. heck, he doubted he'd even make it past the front gate before they turned him away.

...

was he really going to do this?

...

yes, yes he was.

standing up, Danny started making his way out of the alleyway and over to the tall building with Wayne's name on it. It was a good place to start, maybe he could even find one of the kids and walk with them. or, even better, he could find Mr. Wayne and walk with him. he liked that better than following some kid around.

suddenly, a car honked right next to him, the window rolling down to reveal a tired and disheveled man behind the wheel. glancing up, Danny made eye contact with the taxi driver.

the man yawned and gestured for him to get in, already speaking before Danny could decline. "Mr. Wayne! Your father," yawn, "Father already paid for me to take you home. just hop in."

Danny blinked then glanced around, looking to see if the Wayne the man was talking about was around. nope. turning back, Danny spotted a green sticky note on the back seat.

well, alright then. guess he was getting into the taxi and doing this after all. Clockwork obviously approved if he messed with the timing of things.

Next

[tossawary]

Wei Wuxian's first meeting with teenage Jin Ling just gets funnier every time. Especially because, by this point, he should have a rough idea of how long it's been since he died, and he immediately recognizes Jin Ling as a member of the Jin Sect, clearly an important one if he's bossing other people around and spending absurd amounts of money on spiritual nets. If Wei Wuxian had spent A SINGLE MINUTE actively trying to guess this kid's identity, he probably could have worked out that this kid has a high chance of being his nephew.

But Wei Wuxian does not take the time (thirty seconds! WWX, you could have made an educated guess!) to figure out this kid's specific identity! He's just been wrestling with an incredibly stubborn donkey all day and he's probably hangry again because they had to share an apple. He just thinks to himself, "Wow, this Jin kid is a real spoiled brat," and goes from there!

"Didn't your mother ever teach you any manners?" he says obliviously to JIN LING, his own fucking nephew. When Jin Ling is FAMOUSLY ORPHANED. Like, you could go up to literally anyone on the street and be like, "What happened to that rich kid Jin Ling's parents?" and they would immediately tell you, "Oh, the evil Yiling Patriarch killed them, evilly." Very high chance that no one has ever said this particular insult to Jin Ling - extremely rich young master, most famous orphan in the cultivation world, in possession of some very scary uncles - before.

And from Jin Ling's perspective, this outrageous comment is coming from his OWN UNCLE, Mo Xuanyu, his late grandfather's bastard son who was kicked out of the sect for being gay and crazy. There is NO WAY that Mo Xuanyu could somehow not know that Jin Ling has no parents, so of course, this has to be an intentional low-blow insult bringing up and disparaging his dead mother. So, of course this brat tries to start a fight! Mo Xuanyu started it with words like that!

And then Wei Wuxian trips him and essentially sits on him (using a talisman), there's the whole "My uncle is going to kill you!" & "Who's your uncle?" exchange, and Jiang Cheng immediately interrupts them. And Wei Wuxian has to do the sudden, incredibly simple, damning mental calculation of: "Jin kid + Jiang Cheng for an uncle = Oh, fuck."

It's funny every single time.

[theladysunami]

I really would love an AU where Shen Yuan transmigrated as one of the young masters in the rich household where Luo Binghe’s mother worked.

Since we know so little about them, there is room for all sorts of familial drama:

Shen Yuan could be the only di-son, with older shu brothers that hope he dies.

He could be a shu-son whose common born concubine mother is favored more by the lord of the house than his legal wife, causing much bitterness and strife.

He could also be an orphaned nephew or cousin, brought into the household but considered a burden by everyone.

Any number of angsty CDrama plotlines could be going on!

Now while the original goods redirected his angst into bullying little Luo Binghe, Shen Yuan would do no such thing. He would do his best to help his favorite protagonist instead!

As I’m imagining him only being a year or two older than Binghe, his options for helping would unfortunately be very limited. He could tutor him in basic characters, ‘make’ Binghe eat his leftovers, give away his allowance, ‘declare’ Binghe his personal assistant, and other little things, but between his age and his family’s drama, he’d be frustratingly incapable of protecting Binghe from all his PIDW suffering.

As an added twist on the common fanfic formula, perhaps after Binghe heads off to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, Shen Yuan tries to follow him, but his family interferes and he ends up shipped off to Huan Hua Palace (or perhaps some minor sect) instead.

His poor little sheep is suffering, and Shen Yuan is stuck in the wrong sect! If he’s at Huan Hua, then at least Gongyi Xiao is nice enough…

[fantasticgothicpeachsludge]

Cal hiding something behind him:

Bode: No.

Cal: But this time it actually is a kid!

*Reveals a tiny Ezra Bridger*

Cal: *hiding something in his coat* I think we should adopt another kid.

Bode: No.

Cal: Why not?

Bode: Because when you say “kid”, you mean “a pathetic life form”, and we already have fifteen of those.

Cal: *unzips coat revealing a lothcat* Sixteen.

[litsnaps]

[mutable-manifestation]

Ghost Chirps AU Part 4

A little treat in these trying times

Part 1 & 2

Part 3

***

The first time Daniel chirps (to Vlad’s knowledge, but it’s actually the fifth, he was just out of range in the GZ all the previous time) Vlad responds immediately. 

The boy attacks him just as viciously as ever, and Vlad assumes from then on that the boy is merely taunting him, crying out for family only to go “no, not you.”

Vlad ignores it from then on. It isn’t particularly frequent anyway.

When he hears him chirping back and forth with some other ghost somewhere on the East Coast he feels his eye twitch. 

He dismisses it, however. No doubt it is one of Daniel’s little ghost allies helping him try to antagonize Vlad into showing up just to be rejected again.

Well, Vlad won’t fall for Daniel’s petty tricks. He would be Vlad’s son in time one way or another, no need to indulge the boy’s temporary sense of superiority.

It is grating when it wakes him up in the middle of the night, but he goes back to sleep quickly after.

Midday, he thinks he might have to track down Danny’s little friend for a nice long chat about Not Doing That. But that’s an issue for later.

Before “later” can arrive, Vlad finds himself taken into “temporary custody” while the police search his house.

He goes peacefully, assured that they’ll find nothing amiss, all of his ecto materials tucked neatly away in a lab that is inaccessible any way other than phasing. And wrapped in lead just in case.

He does not notice that a member of the Justice League is involved, nor would he care, certain that none could find his lab. And utterly unaware of the JLD’s existence.

Not that the JLD is needed in this case.

Despite his best efforts to change every copy of the construction crews’ blueprints both digital and physical in order to eliminate knowledge of the inaccessible room, there’s no accounting for memory.

Officer Roger worked in construction before joining the force, and it was only less than a half a year ago that Masters’ Amity home was constructed. Officer Roger still remembers the doorless, windowless box they built alongside the small mansion itself. It’s nowhere to be found on the property, so he brings it up with his superior.

Orphan questions it - nearly giving the whole team heart-attacks in the process - but a simple “I used to work in construction” seems to be enough to satisfy her curiosity.

A two hour sweep with some metal detectors finds nothing.

Then Orphan reappears from the shadows, providing another jumpscare, before pressing a hand silently to the side of her head.

The crew watches in silence as well, giving their pulses a chance to slow.

A ten-count later Orphan’s hand drops, and she strides confidently to the rear-left corner of the mansion and points at the ground.

“200 feet beneath the foundation,” she says before disappearing back into the shadows.

The crew shares a look and gets to work.

The time it takes to dig up the cube is just more time spent in a cell for Vlad, where he waits patiently, assured he’ll be released soon enough.

The lab itself would be only a minor problem - there would be fines and inspections and a heavy watch until everything was brought up to code. Questions about how he accessed it would be a larger problem.

But worst of all, in the comfort of his lab? He’s not much for hiding away incriminating documents. 

Of which there are many, given his propensity for keeping extensive records of his experiments, which include unethical cloning and what sums up to human experimentation. 

Once they find the actual facilities for the experiments in his Wisconsin home? It will all be over for him.

Being a ghost he could, of course, simply flee the cell and start anew somewhere else, with a new identity or even in a new dimension altogether - so long as he could nab Maddie and her children to bring with him.

But within his labs, he also keeps extensive records of himself.

A copy of the Plasmius Maximus.

Other ghost- and halfa-capturing restraints.

When he hears steps approaching his cell 2 days into his stay when it is clearly not a mealtime, he thinks “finally” assured that he is about to be released.

He only registers that it is Batman after he’s been hit by the Plasmius Maximus - cut off from his powers for at least the next two hours.

He has no chance to complain, as he is subsequently tranqued unconscious to be taken to a more secure location.

***

It’s an hour and half after school let out when the cops - who had taken to trying to distract Jazz and Danny with cards games and work stories while they waited - step away to answer their radios. 

When they return, they tell them that it’s “time to go.”

The siblings share a look, then shrug.

It wouldn’t be the first time the cops had to drive them home - rare though it was, there were at least 4 such occasions in their memories. It wasn’t a big deal.

They were less than enthused when the cops explained that they’d be heading to take them to the station instead of to home. Still, they chalked it up to the whole “questions about the Red Hood” thing and moved on. 

At least it meant they could dodge a home visit like Danny had wanted.

Except when they get there, they are taken to a cushy room and introduced to their social worker, a woman with a kind smile and a soothing voice who introduces herself as Bethany Scott, sits them down and explains, very gently, that their parents are currently under investigation.

To her credit, she isn’t condescending. She doesn’t try to hide away the truth; when they ask why, she tells them.

It’s a surprisingly long list of charges. Of everything on it, the violation of the meta protection acts comes as the biggest surprise.

Their parents were obsessive about ghosts, but they were also good at it. They never attack anything that doesn’t have ectoplasm.

Well, barring a few misfires.

Another surprise comes then: the Anti-Ecto Acts don’t exist. Ghosts are covered by the MPA by design, the AEA would never have gotten off of the ground in any legal capacity. It is solely a creation of the GIW, an extreme “‘real’ humans only” supremacist group that had worked at every level to pull the wool over the eyes of the small town’s citizenry so thoroughly that they’d been thought a real government agency - the imitation of which would be just one of the many charges that every member they managed to capture would be facing.

Then Mrs Scott starts talking about placement options.

Their Aunt, they are told, is not an option. 

It comes as a surprise to Danny. On quiet nights, when no ghosts showed up to interrupt him and Sam and Tucker weren’t up to distract him with a game of Doomed, his mind would sometimes wander back to that darkest of timelines.

He’d wondered how Vlad had ended up with custody. Being his godfather made him an option, but Danny would’ve wanted to go with Alicia. Will be damned, Danny would’ve plead on both knees with the judge to go with his aunt. Grieving or not, he’d have wanted as much distance between him and Vlad as possible,

He’d assumed Vlad must have done something to her or paid off the judge to rule in his favor.

To find out it was because she simply wouldn’t take him?

A part of him understands. He doesn't - Aunt Alicia is a kind person, yes, but not particularly loving or caring. When his parents brought up the subject of children with her on one of their rare visits, she described herself as having “less motherly instinct than a starving axolotl.”

Not an encouraging description after he read a book on axolotls for context. 

With their options being “Aunt in a small wood cabin in the middle of nowhere with the emotional sensitivity of a bull in a china shop” and “Rich friend of the family who would enable them to stay in contact with their friends and could hire them therapists even if he’s personally useless for helping them through the grieving process” she probably also figured marking herself down as a solid non-option would just expedite them getting the help they need (because she does care, even if she herself can’t - won’t - be there for them in that way).

He doesn’t hate her, but the knowledge burns. To know that there really was no avoiding Vlad - in that horrible future and in the now - makes him sick to his stomach.

Except-

Except before he can spiral, Mrs Scott tells them that Vlad is also not an option. Because he’s also under investigation.

A hysterical giggle bursts past his lips before he can think to stop it.

“Why?” he asks, ignoring Jazz’ disapproving grimace.

It’s less funny when they’re told that he’s under investigation under suspicion of mostly the same violations as their parents - including MPA violation, given the whole “million dollar ghost” incident and related propaganda. As the mayor especially, he should’ve known the AEA weren’t real and that the GIW were frauds and it was his responsibility to do something about them.

Depending on how he’d interacted with the group, he might be looking at aiding and abetting treason - or just outright treason - charges.

“If Aunt Alicia and Vlad both aren’t able to take us, then where are we going to go?” Jazz asks, shoving her emotions aside to deal with the matter at hand.

“Ordinarily, we would call up a few local fosters and see if one could take you in for a few days while we look into more long-term options. Worst case scenario you would have to spend a night or two in a hotel suite connected to mine while I found someone,” she answers. “But the two of you are in luck; Batman is the one who brought the case to our attention - apparently some erratic behavior from Red Hood brought them here, don’t ask, I don’t have all the details - and offered to run your parents’ DNA to check for other relatives that could take you. There was a match.”

The siblings share another look.

Both grandparents on their mother’s side had been only children and both were dead. Aunt Alicia had already said no and had no children of her own. Their father had been disowned by his family, and even if their other Aunts and Uncles would have been willing to take them in it didn’t matter, because all 5 had died in various accidents on their “hunts.”

“Apparently your uncle, Jerry Fenton, had a fling before he passed with one Ms Sheila Haywood. Their son, Jason, was thought to be the son of Willis Todd and Mrs Haywood until the DNA test today. He was raised by Willis and Mrs Catherine Todd until his subsequent adoption by Mr Bruce Wayne, and is currently living in Gotham.”

And it sounds wrong - the only thing most Fentons could love was mystery and danger - thus why only one out of six had survived. But they don’t know enough to dispute it.

Also. The involvement of another billionaire is setting off alarm bells. On the one hand: this could be a fruitloop paying someone off in order to forcibly adopt them. On the other hand, maybe Jason Todd really was a Fenton and being adopted by fruitloops was some kind of curse on the current generation.

“We contacted Mr. Todd the moment the connection was made. He has expressed an interest in taking you in, and flew out immediately to come and meet you. He arrived not five minutes ago.”

She paused and gave them a sympathetic look. 

“I understand that this is all a lot to take in. Please know that placing you with Mr. Todd is not the end of my duties; even after he takes you, I will be following you to Gotham. I’ll be looking into counselors for the both of you, and we’ll have a follow up on that topic in a maximum of a week’s time. I’ll also be doing regular home checks to ensure you’re both settling in well and that you’re being taken good care of. 

Even with what little I’ve gleaned, it is obvious that the environment you both grew up in until now was neither a safe nor a healthy one. It is my job to ensure that doesn’t happen again. If you have any concerns about your placement home now or in the future, please do not hesitate to bring them up with me. If you worry something is not “important” enough to mention, rest assured that if it bothers you in the slightest, then it’s important to me.”

She gives them each a long look.

Then she brings in Jason.

[rie-092]

CURSED CHILD.

「 tcf x child! reader 」

summary : the white star loved his child, he really does.

‘ OH, GOSH. I HATE MY LIFE. ’

The red-haired child couldn't help but frown as she walked through the hallways of the orphanage. Everyone knew how famous the Sekka family is in the Paerun Kingdom. That's why when the son and the future duke of that family showed an interest in an orphan like her, the whole orphanage became happy.

The little redhead's reddish brown eyes held a glint of annoyance as she looked at her arms that were covered with the sleeves of her clothes. The fact that the young master of the Sekka dukedom is here to visit her again, made the staff of the orphanage buy an expensive-looking dress that'll surely cover her bruises and dress her up. "You better not mess up this time, (name)."

"Yes." The little girl blankly said as they stopped walking. (Name), the girl looked at the huge door in front of her with a stoic expression on her face. "You were lucky that Young Master Clopeh is fond of you."

Fond? Seems like he's obsessed to me.

She deadpanned, watching how the woman in front of her opened the door. Revealing a young man sitting in a wheelchair, elegantly sipping on his tea. Rei could only sigh as she saw how the woman who was supposed to be her caretaker blushed at the sight. And she only blushed even more when Clopeh tucked his white hair behind his ear as his brilliant green eyes met (name)'s reddish-brown ones. (Name) wanted to curse and run away when she saw how Clopeh's face brightened when he saw her.

"(Name)!"

Rei's lips curved onto a bright smile as she walked towards Clopeh while internally telling herself that violence was never an answer. "Hello, sir!" Acting like a child was something that Rei was used to so this was a piece of cake for her. Clopeh smiled fondly as he ruffled (Name)'s hair before looking at the woman behind her, signalling her to leave. And the woman gladly obeyed.

And seeing that her caretaker left. (Name) found herself wishing that the Arm would appear before her and slash her body into two so she could just move on to her next life and make sure to avoid the people who were similar to the guy in front of her. The calm and noble-like aura that Clopeh was radiating earlier completely disappeared. He clasped his hands together and started reciting some kind of prayer before looking at the little redhead with a blush on his face.

This lunatic. (Name) sweatdrop.

The most handsome bachelor in the Paerun Kingdom? A noble knight? The future head of the Sekka household? No. In (name)'s eyes, Clopeh Sekka was a certified lunatic who for some reason started to treat her like some kind of God.

"I brought your favourite cookie with me, (Name)-nim."

Ah fuck, I hate my life.

[deadsetobsessions]

This is based off of that one tiktok from @sorruna where it’s the audio from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse.

——

Dick Grayson was a sneaky, intelligent little shit.

He was also dumb. These things are not mutually exclusive.

To this day, one of his best kept secrets- one of the many, many that he had now- was something he’d take to his grave.

Or to Jason’s grave, at least.

Dick sat down and began telling the story to ears that would never truly hear it.

——

Batman’s voice rumbled behind him as Dick, in his Robin suit, stood blankly on top of a roof.

“I know you snuck out last night, Robin.”

Dick froze, train of thought about his dinner derailed. Holy busted, Batman! Quick! Play dumb!

“Who’s Robin?” He asked, the years of performing in front of a large crowd coming to save his ass.

Not that dumb!

Batman sent him a dry look, reprimand already poised on his lips. Dick, however, was nothing but a good performer. Nay, a dedicated performer.

Quick! Do something out of character! He shouted at himself, panicking visibly. He stepped backwards, an idea appearing in his head. In his defense, it sounded like an amazing idea at the time. He had no idea it would blow up into a Justice League issue. If he had known… Dick would have lied better, probably. There was no way he was going to let B bench him for weeks!

“Who the fuck are you?!” He yelped. Dick apologized mentally to Alfred and his parents. Batman paused, stunned.

“That’s my question. Who are you?!” Bruce asked, immediately hostile. His son doesn’t curse. Well, not in any normal way anyways. Dick quickly backpedaled by yelling at him with a heavy Vlax dialect, missing his parents terribly as he screamed stranger danger in rudimentary Romany. After this, he was going to have to convince Bruce to get him a language tutor. He refused to forget one of the only ties he had left to his parents.

“Wait, wait- you’re my son.” Bruce replied back, in perfect Romany. He looked more convinced but still skeptical.

“My dad is a circus performer! Not a flying rat!” Dick screeched back. He couldn’t help but feel touched about Bruce seeing him like a son.

“Oy! Keep it down out there, you assholes! Some of us like our sleep, damn!” A random Gothamite screamed out of their window.

“Yo, shut the fuck up! The vigilantes are helping to keep the rent low, motherfucker!” Another Gothamite shouted back.

….

Needless to say, Bruce quickly brought Dick back to the cave- with precautions to make sure he didn’t figure out where the Cave was if Dick was actually someone else.

——

“You would have loved it, Little Wing. B was running around like a headless chicken. The memory loss protocol was actually made because of me, you know.” Dick chuckled, sniffling as he talked to the carved gravestone.

It did not reply.

——

The blood tests came back. Yeppers, Dick sarcastically thought, who woulda thought I’m me?

Reinforcements were called in.

Meaning, Batgirl.

“Watch him while I contact Justice League Dark.”

“You think it’s magic?” Barbara asked.

“Yes. There was no one else near our vicinity that could affect Dick like this. He has no head wounds.”

“Eesh. Okay, go. I’ll watch him.”

Bruce disappeared in his zeta tube, looking harried. So, to everyone that’s not a Bat, he looked absolutely terrifying.

“What did you get yourself into now, Boy Wonder?” Barbara sighed. Dick was careful to keep any signs of recognition out of his face.

“Stop calling me that! Where are my parents?!” He asked back. Barbara coughed and looked uncomfortably away.

That’s right, Babs. I’m pulling out the orphan card. Feel bad. Dick hid his feral grin.

“They’re… uh, busy.” Busy being dead, Barbara thought, immediately wincing at her own thoughts. Apparently, Dick thought the excuse was lame too, and he sent her an incredulous look.

“Would you like refreshments, Master Dick?”

“What?”

Alfred held out some cookies on a platter, giving Babs a quelling look as she tried to reach for his share.

“Oh, wow, these are really good!” Dick said as he shoveled cookies into his mouth. He tried to replicate the reaction he had when he tried these for the first time, and from Alfred’s satisfied look, Dick nailed it.

——

“Robin doesn’t remember who he is.” Batman rumbled as he all but dragged Zatanna and Constantine by the scuff of their jackets towards the zeta tubes.

“Hey, wait-”

“We have no time.” Batman snarled, tossing the two magic users into the zeta. He punched in the destination.

When they got there, he glared at the two magic users until they got into the cave.

“Damn, Bats. Really living up to your name, huh?”

“Not bad,” Zatanna said as she looked around.

“Robin,” Batman- Bruce- reminded them. He did a quick glance over to check on his kids, and found them satisfactorily uninjured. Though, Barbara was looking worse for wear. Bruce quickly found out why as she stalked to him.

“You deal with him.” She muttered. “I’m going home.”

Bruce blinked and nodded. “Get home safe.”

Zatanna and Constantine followed Batman as he walked towards Robin. It was odd to see the normally laughing child frown.

“It’s you! The kidnapper! Where are my parents?!”

Bruce winced which, for him, was akin to a full body flinch and recoil. No wonder Barbara was so tired.

“Fix it.”

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, Batsy.” Constantine grumbled.

“Well help, Batman. Though… I’m not sure if he should be doing that.”

Bruce sharply turned his head back to where Dick was. Emphasis on was. Because now, he’s halfway up the giant dinosaur the Robin had insisted they keep.

“Robin, get down from there!”

“Stranger Danger!” Dick hollered back.

Batman- Bruce Wayne- sighed.

“That’s high level magic,” Zatanna hummed. “I can’t feel anything, but I know for sure that he won’t die. Magic like that either dissipates naturally or…”

“Lasts forever,” Constantine finished.

Bruce groaned, shooting off a grappling line and swooping upwards to catch Dick as he fell from the giant dinosaur.

——

“I pretended to get my memories back later,” Dick chuckled. “And pretended to forget the whole thing. Bruce was so relieved that I stopped knocking things over and trying to do cartwheels in high places that he totally forgot I snuck out.”

Dick patted the headstone.

“But between you and me? I’m pretty sure Alfred knew. I think B pissed him off that week.”

[facts-i-just-made-up]

Elden Ring DLC Bosses Revealed!

From Software has released a guide to all the bosses of the upcoming Elden Ring DLC, Shadow of the Erdtree! Here are the ten great monsters you'll fight in the Shadow Lands:

Messmer The Impaler

Messmer is the third triplet with Malenia and Miquella, banished to the shadow lands because for liking snakes and impaling people. Mostly for impaling people, but the snakes didn't help.

The Burning Colossus

A big heap of flaming bodies used as a weapon of war in the rival kingdom of Nausicuu, this massive beast has to be scaled and slain because that's what you do with colossi in games.

Albinauric Orphan Tear

The missing link between mimics and albinaurics, this monster throws his "husk" at the player like a boomerang. The first boss of the DLC, it guards the cave that leads to the Shadow Tree.

Godskin Brigade

The Gloam-Eyed Queen is guarded by an army of her progeny, the godskins. They bear her most fearsome weapon, the Incantation of Ganqskwa-Darengi, which makes them act unpredictably and never need to stop to let the player get in a single stab or arrow.

Godlion Dancer, Firstborn of the Gods

The murdered soul of Godwyn, son of Godfrey and brother to Godrick, Godrranq's lover. This guy has God written all over him. He also has 30 legs so he's good at dancing.

Birdmaster Tonguay, Slayer of Literally Everyone

Ever wonder who tied all those knives to all the bird feet? Ever wonder why there are so few people in the Lands Between? Meet Tonguay, murderer of all those people at the claws of his bird-knives.

Ribbitus, Priestess of the Frog Cult

Elden Ring's new gimmick boss can only be defeated by jumping from platform to tiny platform to poison the flies she likes to eat. She randomly kills the player without warning or opportunity to recover. She sings to you in French the whole time.

Metalgiir, Armored Gandamu

An occult robot constructed by Robot-Master Iji Jr., Metalgiir demands an entirely different kind of gameplay that doesn't fit or scale to anything else in the game, yet is not optional so you have to learn to beat him or you get nothing.

Ouchlord Vivaldi

Just... Don't fight this guy, he clearly has enough problems going on.

Daniel R. Clarksen

Little is known of Daniel Clarksen or why the Tarnished must fight him. He seems like a decent guy, but he probably like turns into a giant demon thing with boobs. These games have lots of those.

[ramen8008]

Give me Percy asking his mom if he can invite some of his orphan friends for the holidays. She says yes of course so he does. He invites Leo, Hazel, and Frank. And though Sally knows of them this is the first time she meets them.

So she opens to see this kid wearing nice clothes as if they are just wrong. His hair made as he continuously resists the urge to run his hands through it. He's shorter than she imagined. He's also too skinny. And it turns out he's Leo Valdez, the kid who can summon fire, who built not only a giant mechanical dragon but also the flying ship they travelled thousands of miles on past multiple oceans and monsters. The kid who Hera and Gaia presented themselves to as a kid, the kid who's the only one in centuries to possess the power he does only for it to be one that was a reminder of what killed his mom. And he's in her front door, a too skinny, fidgeting kid with a small gift bag.

Then it's Hazel and Frank (and Nico but she's mostly used to him). The girl who came back from the dead, the one who can bring out cursed jewels from the Earth, who was a black girl alive at the time of World War, and here she is. And she's this adorable kid who's well dressed and presented who calls Sally "Ma'am" and thanks her.

And then Frank who can turn into any animal in existence, the one who killed a titan while he was turned into a bear, the one who's a master archer, the one who's the son of ARES. And he's this pudgy yet buff adorable kid who seems awkward and gives her a small thanks as he hands her a cake box.

All this and she's amazed because although she knows, seeing them like this just reminded her that they're just kids.

Anyways they have a nice dinner, Paul plays games with them, Hazel has a sailor's mouth when she's playing card games, Frank has a horrible poker face so he just turns into a reptile or something to hide his face, Leo is always trying to cheat but never admits it, ( he makes a little robot to freak Paul out so he can change his dice).

Nico ALWAYS wins in card games except uno in which he loses horribly each and every time.

They all compete to wash the dishes and help Sally but she tells them no and to Percy's disappointment tells him to clean the dishes. Which he does, by controlling the water. And they lose it. They try not to show but they can't believe that Percy Jackson, the one who has defeated Kronos, who went through Tartarus, who fought Ares when he was 12, rejected immortality, and so much more. And here he is washing dishes for his mom while pouting about it.

[sapphicjackal]

Bingyuan Soulmate au 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Shen Yuan told himself he would wait until the next day to read the web novel he found, Proud Immortal Demon Way. The web novel had only been uploaded for 20 days now, making it fairly new and unknown. It was probably only because Shen Yuan had searched with keywords that the exact webpage came up. So far it only had 4 chapters, each one being a reasonably sizable length.

Normally, this was the kind of story that Shen Yuan would truly enjoy.

It seemed intriguing and held great promise. The bits of world building that had already been sprinkled in were captivating and promising. Shen Yuan could see the makings of a great premise.

However-

The protagonist is named Luo Binghe, and this is a story of his suffering. 

The first chapter starts with a baby, one abandoned to float down the freezing Luochun river during the coldest night of winter. Named Luo Binghe, the unwanted orphan lived on the streets. How he survived infancy was left vague, but he was eventually taken in by a poor washerwoman who had little to provide other than the love in her heart.

Luo Binghe wanted for nothing, even while having so little. He was spat on and bullied by the masters that his adoptive mother worked for, but he was content purely because he had his mother. She taught him to cook and she brushed his hair while telling him stories of peerless immortal cultivators. 

She worked tirelessly to provide for him, all without a single complaint and wearing a warm smile. She saved meticulously for a long while to be able to afford a jade Guanyin pendant for her son, only to find out that the jade was fake. The heartbreak of it all took its toll, especially when there was no extra money for food and her health began to take a turn for the worse.

Luo Binghe had to beg for food to give her, and work to get her medicine. On the day she died, he went out to beg in order to get her a bowl of watery congee. He was beaten for the right to have a cold bowl of food, and by the time he returned, she was already dead.

From there, he lived another two and a half years on the streets until he turned 10, the minimum age requirement to take the test for the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Renowned as the top cultivation sect in the world, it was also the only sect open for anyone to join so long as they had potential and were chosen by a Peak Lord. 

Luo Binghe traveled up the countless stairs and threw all of his effort into digging a hole, wishing with all his heart to be chosen. He was overjoyed when a peerless immortal cultivator stopped before him, one who looked distinguished and elegant, dressed in greens and white. Luo Binghe was the only one chosen for the second highest ranked peak, Qing Jing Peak.

This should have marked the turning point for Luo Binghe’s miserable luck, the beginnings of something good.

The first chapter ends with Luo Binghe’s tea ceremony, with his new Master dumping hot tea over his head with a cold look of disdain. Luo Binghe’s tears mixed with the dripping tea while his Shizun scoffed at him, proclaiming him a worthless Beast. Shen Qingqiu tossed him his manual, telling him with a sneer to learn it well before kicking him out.

Things don’t get better.

The next day, Luo Binghe received his materials from the Head Disciple, Ming Fan. He was only given the worst of what they could offer, and he was barred from being allowed inside of the Disciple Dormitory. Luo Binghe was forced to find shelter in the woodshed which became his home.

It marked the start of the relentless bullying from Ming Fan and the other disciples. Shen Qingqiu had clearly marked the boy as a pariah, meaning the whole Peak left him to fend for himself. He was kicked out of lessons with some Hallmasters, and given endless chores that kept him from attending the classes he was allowed in. The only person who treated him kindly was Ning Yingying, but this only drew further ire from Ming Fan who had a crush on her.

Life was miserable, but Luo Binghe did his best to rise above it. He did his work, and he learned what he could. It took months for him to even be able to read his manual, but once he could, Luo Binghe threw himself into studying cultivation. Only. He didn’t know that the manual was a fake. One made to look genuine, but would waste the years of greatest potential for a cultivator, and could even lead to death.

The fourth chapter left off on Luo Binghe being whipped for hours because Ming Fan blamed him for messing something up. Luo Binghe was left bleeding in the dirt while his scum Shizun walked away.

Shen Yuan finished reading with a foul taste in his mouth, staring blankly at his phone screen long enough that it turned off automatically. Normally, this kind of narrative was one that Shen Yuan enjoyed. One where a protagonist starts from nothing and climbs their way to the top, then slaps their faces and takes revenge on everyone who had pushed them into the dirt when they were at their lowest. Shen Yuan liked YY stories, it was easily his favorite genre to read.

Maybe once this could have been the start of Shen Yuan’s favorite story.

Instead he felt nothing but sick.

His soulmate had told him pieces of this information, accompanied by all of the feelings that went along with it. Binghe had told him that his mother died close to three years ago, and how much he missed her. 

Maybe if he found the story first, he would have seen Binghe as a protagonist first. Maybe he would have found it cool to be soulmates with a fictional character. It wasn’t even that hard for Shen Yuan to wrap his head around. He knows tropes very well, and a modern guy finding out he’s soulmates with a fictional character is a popular genre.

But-

Shen Yuan has spent hours writing to his soulmate for the past few days, in those snatches of time that Binghe manages to steal. He’s spent a few days getting to know his Bing-er in all of his earnest and sweet glory. Binghe was a true white lotus, born in the muck yet managing to remain pure despite it all.

Shen Yuan has spent 15 years loving his soulmate. 

Ever since he knew of the concept from his parents. He’s been writing to his soulmate since he could hold a pen, first it was nothing but the sloppy scrawls and doodles of a child, but he learned quickly to write. Literacy had extreme importance in society, and children were taught to read and write as soon as possible so they could communicate with their soulmate, especially among those with wealth.

Binghe has been at the end of every message. 

Even if they’ve only known each other for a short time, Shen Yuan has cared for his soulmate his entire life.

Binghe is more than a protagonist. 

Shen Yuan didn’t manage to sleep a wink. The first half of his night was spent reading, and the second half spent waiting for Binghe to wake up. He knew Binghe rose with the sun, and so he only had a few more hours to kill while waiting. He flipped through tabs on his phone, opening and closing apps restlessly. 

Shen Yuan doesn’t think about his soulmate being abandoned at birth. He doesn’t think about years of getting tormented by those around him. He doesn’t think about a confession laced with pain. This one likes Qing Jing Peak. Qing Jing Peak does not like this Binghe.

No.

Shen Yuan doesn’t think about it at all.

He lost track of time, flinching in surprise when he finally felt the tingling swipe of a brush on skin. Shen Yuan sat up in bed and turned on his lamp, fumbling for his marker. He couldn’t help his smile at Binghe’s words even if he tried. All of the suffocating heaviness was lifted all at once, leaving him feeling light and unburdened.

“Wishing Yuan-ge a happy day!” Binghe had written, his brushstrokes precise and careful, words filled with happiness. 

“Good morning Bing-er.” Shen Yuan responded, returning the sweet greeting of his little white lotus of a soulmate. 

Shen Yuan bit his lip, staring down at his arm. He had thought about what to say for hours now, so he pushed back his strange hesitation and began to write. “You told me you had trouble cultivating, I thought about it last night. The most important part of learning is cross referencing. Is there any way you could look at someone else’s manual?”

“Yuan-ge?” Binghe wrote, shining with innocent curiosity.

“Make sure your material is real. People could be trying to hurt Bing-er with fake material.” Shen Yuan asked, full of worry and suspicion. 

“This one will check.” Binghe responded, he felt faintly skeptical, but completely truthful. It took a heavy weight off of Shen Yuan that he didn’t even realize he was carrying.

“Thank you, Bing-er. I hope I’m wrong.” Shen Yuan wrote, feeling utterly relieved though it was threaded with an underlying anxiety. 

Shen Yuan went through the rest of his day with Binghe’s situation lingering in his mind. He ate breakfast the chef made with his mother and meimei, both his father and his older brothers already left for work. He went back to his room and did his schoolwork.

Technically, Shen Yuan attends the best private academy in Beijing. However, he doesn’t actually go onto the campus because of his health concerns. His parents worked it out so that all of his work is sent to the house and his tests are administered by teachers who come to him instead. 

Shen Yuan used to resent it when he was younger, wishing that he could go to class with other kids and make friends, but now he’s glad he does have to spend most of his day surrounded by other teenagers.

In addition to his standard curriculum, his mother also has him tutored in the four arts. It was something that Shen Yuan actually enjoyed though his siblings found it to be tedious. Now he would have to take it even more seriously and learn more outside of his lessons so that he could teach it to his soulmate. 

Hours earlier than he expected, Shen Yuan feels a brush on his skin. He can immediately tell something is wrong, the feelings are overwhelming, upset, and heartbroken. Shen Yuan excused himself from dinner and went to his room, checking his wrist.

“You were right, Yuan-ge. It was fake.” Binghe wrote, full of helpless anger, bitterness, and pain.

Shen Yuan swallowed heavily, feeling furious for Binghe. The confirmation that his soulmate's life is at the very least connected to the web novel was something that Shen Yuan would need to think about later. For now, he needs to comfort his soulmate.

“I’m so sorry, Bing-er. You deserve better.” Shen Yuan wrote, wishing that he could do more for Binghe to keep him safe. If everything is true in that web novel, then right now his soulmate was living in a woodshed. A fucking woodshed. He was being hurt by everyone around him and doesn’t have a single good thing to his name. 

Binghe deserves nothing but the best and now Shen Yuan is all too aware that Luo Binghe has been forsaken by those around him. Shen Yuan wants to find the author and thrash them until they answer why Luo Binghe has to suffer. Why did they do this the the sweetest person that Shen Yuan has ever met? How can they stand to hurt Luo Binghe who has never done anything wrong but had the whole world against him from the start?

“Yuan-ge.” Binghe wrote, his brushstrokes shaky and filled with desperation, longing, loneliness, and pain.

Shen Yuan choked on secondhand pain, feeling his heart break for the overwhelming betrayal that Binghe has suffered. Shen Yuan wishes nothing more than to be there for his soulmate, but all he can do is write. 

Shen Yuan concentrates on sending comfort and love, writing messages one after another to his Binghe.

“My Bing-er, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

“We’ll figure this out, Bing-er, I’ll help you.”

“I’m so sorry Bing-er, you deserve better than this.”

“Bing-er deserves the world, I would give it to you if I could.”

“I’m here, Binghe.”

Shen Yuan runs out of space on their left arm, so he leans over to begin writing on his leg. He choses one sentence, the most important truth he wants to impart onto his soulmate. He writes small, repeating the line uniformly spaced out one on top of the other until it fills the skin from his ankle to his knee. 

When Binghe still hasn’t responded, Shen Yuan starts writing a symmetrical series of lines on his other leg.

“Binghe is precious.”

He had nearly finished on his second leg when he finally received a reply from Binghe, right above their knee.

“I wish Yuan-ge was here.” Binghe wrote, his words containing fathomless amounts of yearning.

Shen Yuan grit his teeth, wishing he could fulfill Binghe’s wish. He wanted nothing more than to give Binghe everything. Everything he deserves, all the love he should receive. Shen Yuan feels useless, but he pushes that away.

All he can do is try his best to help Binghe in any way he can.

That day, Shen Yuan subscribes to Proud Immortal Demon Way, and he never misses reading an update as soon as it is uploaded. He leaves comments criticizing the author for making Luo Binghe’s life so needlessly miserable. He hopes the author will listen and lessen Binghe’s suffering.