#the order changes depending on your emphasis and you have to figure out how to attach verbs to objects

[overmorrowpine]

language is so cool and it can also die in a FUCKING fire

[vasito-de-leche]

Hi! I read about your super cool Self Aware R1999 AU and it got me thinking about what Sonetto would be like, since I have a 100% bond with her in the suitcase.

Would she try to keep normalcy? Have a brand new idle line? Perhaps pull a Monika DDLC and start writing poetry where she tries to grapple with the fact that there’s an eldritch being puppeteering her best friend?

;R1999 SONETTO - Self-Aware AU

Headcanons about how Sonetto would act upon becoming self-aware. Related to this Self-Aware AU post.

glad you like the AU! this was a nice chance to explore Sonetto's character more <3

To organize my thoughts better, I gotta talk about Sonetto first for a bit.

I definitely talked about this with a few friends, but Sonetto is a wonderful character to me because I both dislike and feel for her a lot - especially in the new 1.4 Main Story update. The emphasis the game puts into her role as a military dog (raised to follow orders and die for a cause she doesn't truly understand) and a lost puppy (a curious and dependant child believing her caretakers have the best of intentions) really lives up to the way she portrays these same traits. Yes, it's awful to see her continue to perpetuate the harmful ideas the Foundation taught her, but it makes sense. Yes, it's lovely to see her slowly break away from everything she's ever known, and yet revert back to her habits because change is difficult. The way she works perfectly as a foil to Vertin, it's so good!

To me, Sonetto is a character that resists change, while yearning for it at the same time. That's why her Medium is curiosity, after all. It's so lovely and ironic to see THE perfect example of a Foundation martyr being set up for failure in something that they couldn't have even foreseen, her own Medium, her own innate curiosity.

So with this in mind, I think that within the Self-Aware AU ... I think she would be able to deal with this sudden awareness of everything being fake, because her first reaction would be to assume there's something wrong with herself for thinking something so outlandish, so beyond what she was taught. Sonetto would still resist this change - if this is a game, then she's not meant to be aware of it, therefore she's the one at fault and perhaps, broken in a way.

Maybe "broken" is too heavy of a word, I imagine it's more like she believes she broke the rules by gaining this level of sentience. That it' wasn't supposed to happen in the first place.

How would she act overall?

I feel like Sonetto would be relatively fine upon becoming sentient because of this, she'd be shaken but would continue to do as expected and follow the script like a proper little chess piece, one of the many cogs needed in the machine - her reasoning is simple: if everyone who is self-aware began to act out, there wouldn't be a game to play. And what would happen to her friends, then? If this stability that the plot and script brings is suddenly gone?

There would be times where she might slip up, but they'd be very subtle changes in the her dialogue - perhaps the inflection of her voice, rather than the words - she might pause for longer to think, to consider whether to do anything outside of what she's expected to. But that's about it.

The problem begins when she finds out (or is told) that the Foundation had known this truth about the world they live in for longer than she's been alive. Sonetto remains docile entirely to keep that order and harmony she's been raised to maintain, but to find out that the very people who taught her that have known and done nothing but lie to everyone - that would be the catalyst for her.

Personally, I like to think that this is something she figures out on her own, rather than being told. A truth she must face on her own instead of just accepting someone else's words.

Her behaviour would still largely remain the same whenever she knows she has a part to play, but in those moments when she knows there's no "camera" looking at her, Sonetto would... sit there. WIth the way I've interpreted Sonetto, she's a character that struggles to actually have an identity outside of the Foundation's training, so now that this is something she can't rely on, she's at a loss as to what to do with this newfound freedom.

I imagine this is when other arcanists who were self-aware before her would start reaching out to Sonetto and slowly give her that stability she needs.

On the subject of Sonetto's relationship with Vertin.

The way I interpreted Sonetto and Vertin's dynamic, I don't see them as best friends!

From reading back some scenes and transcribing most of CH 03 of the Main Story, it feels like both Sonetto and Vertin have always found themselves in a one-sided relationship: when they were kids, Sonetto rejected Vertin's attempts at becoming friends because of their differences, even if they were both curious about each other. They never striked me as close. Now that years have passed, Vertin treats Sonetto similar to how she treats everyone else, while Sonetto explicitly wants to be closer to Vertin due to what happened when they were kids.

To me, Vertin has shown more emotion to Schneider and Madam Z than to Sonetto. There's this one-sided dynamic again.

In the context of the AU, I think Sonetto finding out about what Vertin goes through with this entity and this role that the game forced upon her, she would double down on her feelings to protect Vertin. There's a lot of guilt involved, since - once again - that's what the Foundation teaches to all orphan arcanists, to repent for their unruly and destructive existence.

I think Sonetto would feel guilty for not gaining sentience sooner, while Vertin has been struggling with this heavy weight for God knows how long. She would recontextualize everything about Vertin, her actions and the differences that constantly got her into trouble as a child, her desire to escape - attributing all of it to this entity that follows her. Because I do think that Sonetto idolizes Vertin to a degree that fuels this one-sided dynamic between them, not out of malice of course, just like a puppy.

So in the end, Sonetto would resent the Player and worry even more for Vertin, now using this as a justification for acting out of line and out of script, as Vertin's self-imposed protector.

It would take Sonetto a looooooong time to do anything with her sentience and freedom, beyond continuing to support Vertin. Her poems and her art would reflect this progress slowly, but yeah, not a lot of noticeable changes.

Reaching 100% Bond with Sonetto.

This is a very conflicting event for Sonetto, I'd say.

The more attention you pay to her, the more aware she becomes of your influence - and now she has to come to terms with the fact that there is no way of separating you from Vertin. She can't free Vertin from this fate, and it doesn't look like she wants that to happen either, but it eats Sonetto from inside out. Because she doesn't understand, and she wants to know why this is the way things are meant to be.

When it comes to reaching 100% Bond with her, or levelling her up and so on, I don't think she'd pay much attention to the mechanical aspect of it all. She's a skilled arcanist, she's the first important character the game gives to you during the tutorial stages, she knows just how important her Disarm ability can be to win a battle - of course you would want her on your team.

But as she slowly spends more time with Vertin and the Player, I think Sonetto would start to wonder about the outside world. They're small, little and impulsive thoughts in the back of her mind, like wondering if you too have someone in this fictional little world that you care about enough to see the story through the end. Are you capable of loving someone that can't reach out to you nor acknowledge your presence? Isn't it cruel, for those who remain blind to the truth, to be so loved and cherished by you?

Do you read the newspaper the same way Vertin does? Do you care about her? About her goals and dreams and thoughts?

This is the only way Sonetto can reconcile this resentment she has for you: through Vertin. I think Vertin would eventually notice all these subtle changes, the way Sonetto never looks truly happy whenever she looks at Vertin, looking above as if she could catch a glimpse of the Player. And Vertin would help through the whole process, easing up to sentience as a whole, to accepting the Player's existence as just something that is there, neither good or bad.

While she's one of the very few who has no trouble differentiating your actions and influence from Vertin's own free will, she would eventually come to respect your choices. Doing her best and beyond whenever you choose her to battle, because now the stakes are higher - now, she's choosing to fight for something she fully understands and cares about.

I like to think that Sonetto can't hear you, but she might be able to see you. Little glimpses here and there, when she happens to look up at the sky, and she sees you cheering after beating that one level that's been giving you a headache. I like to think that she would share these details about you with Vertin, if only to ease her own mind about the complex dynamic you have with THE Timekeeper.

But at the end of the day, this is progress and these are many changes that happen out of your field of vision. Perhaps, one day, Sonetto will gather the courage to thank you for taking care of Vertin when no one else would.

[senblades]

Tell us about the planning doc!!!

thank you very much for indulging me HAHA

So I started writing the planning doc like. When I really shouldn't have LMAO- I wasn't busy right then, but I was absolutely about to be. Oh well! What's done is done.

The planning doc is, essentially, a full outline of all the plot of fftsr, told exclusively in dumb jokes and memes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Or, well, more accurately, a dumping ground for all my ideas in chronological order, marked with dates and some (emphasis on SOME lmao) of the confidant rank ups for Akechi and Ren.

I'll share some of the outline already written in chapters to get my point across: (UH MAJOR AND MINOR SPOILORS FOR FAITH FOR THE SECOND RUN- earlier chapters, mostly)

As you can see, not everything from the doc makes the cut. Sometimes things just don't work anymore, or I can't quite find a place to shoehorn it. I'm pretty sure a line showing how Sumire was struggling without a team never made it into the chapter- or, if it did, it was so negligible that it doesn't even matter.

Plus, I definitely hadn't figured out all the scene-by-scene POV's by that point. The "April 18" bullet point implies that scene might have taken place from Sumire's POV, but the final chapter actually has it as Ren's.

I also put all my Metaverse powerpoint slide intermittently as they become relavent. I'm not actually sure if this explanation ever made it into a chapter... I think Akechi might have implied it? But I don't think it was ever spelled out, since I couldn't find a smooth way to do it. Oh well! Here it is now!

There's also outlines of character conversations and motivations, as expected. The level of detail within the planning doc is VERY uh. Well, it's dependant on a lot of things. There are some major beats that I just hadn't thought of until writing the actual chapters, but some of the character-related convos that are more centred to the plot got written down pre-writing chapter 1

From memory, I think the above scene also changed slightly in the final fic. Sometimes what I write as character motivations in the planning doc ends up being VERY DIFFERENT by the time I get to the actual chapter. And, sometimes, the characters just run away with a scene HAHA

Speaking of character convos, some of my jokes in the planning doc made it, almost word for word, into the fic's chapters. Akechi hysterically wondering if Rank 3 is the "deepest darkest secrets" Rank Up is something that I wanted to immortalise lmao

As you can also see, though, not all of the confidant rank-ups were planned- Magician rank 2 is implied, but I didn't actually know what it was going to be at the time.

And then there's the confidants I didn't have planned at ALL:

(UH SPOILERS UP UNTIL CHAPTER 46)

The Tower and the Aeon are the worst offenders of this: I retroactivaly added the Aeon into the planning doc- an easy feat, since it coincides with the Justice, but just know that it absolutely wasn't there originally lmao. The Aeon came about in two stages, if I'm remembering correctly- I wrote the dream sequence where Ren didn't remember shit, but some vision of Crow was there and did remember, pretty much on a whim, and then thought "okay what if that kept happening though"

I think that descision was one of the best things I could have done lmao- it made October third MUCH more exciting to write (and, I assume, to read)... (originally Metatron was not a factor in the boys remembering- just some annoying headaches and visions. Shadow Maruki was also a last-second addition! While Ren was off galivanting with Crow, I wanted to give Goro something interesting to do as well. So! Impromptu therapy session)

Now the Tower... I did have some. uh. Plans, for cognitive Akechi right from the start; I can't remember my exact thought process for when I started cooking for this confidant, but I think I saw a comment on Throw Away Your Mask explaining why the Tower was particularly apt for the character it's used for in that fic, and thought "wait I can cook with this". or something HAHA I can't quite remember. (I was also VERY MUCH inspired by Marigolds and A Tale of Two Tricksters for all of that... (love those fics you should read them if you haven't))

All of the PT's rank ups are missing from the planning doc, too. I knew I wanted to have all of them as confidants, but I had no idea what their arcana was going to be, or when those confidants would start or rank up.

I unfortuantly can't share some of my best jokes from the planning doc, since I'm joking about MAJOR SPOILERS from future chapters HA

ty very much for letting me gush lmao <3 <3 <3

[marinafanning]

ok rick. you want to do iambic pentameter? lets do iambic pentameter.

you might notice that the first line, "the words that memory wrought are set to fire," has 12 syllables. in iambic pentameter, as the word suggests, each line has 10 syllables. (iambic requiring sets of two syllables, and pentameter meaning 5 meters. 5 meters, each with 2 syllables, makes 10 syllables). the way that we (and by we i mean shakespeare) would adress this is by shortening one of the words (in this case, memory) into one less syllable. this would be written as mem'ry, with the apostrophe in place of the missing vowel. the word fire at the end of the line would be said with one syllable. picture a pirate saying arr and put an f at the beginning. or imagine saying it with a strong, vaguely southern accent. the last line of the third stanza, "to walk the path in thine own enemy's boots" also has an extra syllable. this occurs in the word enemy, and we adress it in the same way as memory, changing it to "en'my" i know that rick is not opposed to shortening words with apostrophes, because he uses "o'er" in the second line. is this supposed to be written like shakespeare or not?

my other point is that this sonnet implies that demeter is pronounced deh-mee-ter, due to it being an iamb (a format in which in each set of two syllables, the stress is on the second syllable. the opposite of this is a trochee. think present vs present. PRE-sent, like a gift, is a trochee, while pre-SENT, like to show off, is an iamb. if you want to figure out wether a word is a trochee or an iamb, try super emphasizing one of the syllables, way beyond how you would normally say it, and not emphasizing the other. then switch them. figure out which one sounds more right, and you have your answer). i don't know what the correct pronunciation of demeter is, but i've been saying deh-meh-ter, real fast, with the emphasis on the first syllable. apparently rick doesn't think that's right, though! or he was taking a creative liberty in order to make that line work. i wouldn't be super surprised. shakespeare does that with his characters names sometimes. like, in hamlet, laertes' name is either pronounced lair-tees or lay-air-tees, depending on which is more convenient for the verse.

[pablice]

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Keeping Track of My Progress The most critical step to achieving success with any diet plan or exercise regimen is keeping track of progress. With counting macros, I set small achievable goals within each category. This allowed me to measure my success and ensure I was on track with my desired outcomes. I track these goals individually, as well as looking for trends in my overall progress. Using a physical or electronic tracking system was instrumental in helping me make consistent improvements. The ability to take note of how each individual macro did and tie it back to my overall progress helped me to accurately adjust my plan and remain motivated. This made tracking my progress over time an easier and more enjoyable process. What is Counting Macros? Counting macros is a nutrition method that involves tracking the amount of macronutrients -- protein, carbohydrates, and fat -- consumed in a day. This allows individuals to focus on reaching their health and fitness goals with precision. What are the Benefits of Counting Macros? Counting macros can help people reach their health and fitness goals by providing a better understanding of how much of each macronutrient they should be eating. This method of tracking macronutrients can also help to ensure people are eating enough nutrients to meet their needs. Additionally, counting macros can help to reduce feelings of deprivation, as people can customize their diets to meet their needs and preferences. What Was My Starting Point? Before beginning to count macros, it is important to assess your current eating habits and lifestyle. Consider factors such as activity level, medical history, and overall health goals. Make sure to track your current eating habits and take note of your progress over time. Setting Up My Diet and Exercise Plan Once you have an idea of your starting point, it is important to set up a diet and exercise plan that will best fit your individual needs. Consider factors such as your activity level, medical history, and overall health goals. Make sure to track your progress over time and adjust your plan accordingly. Why Macros Are the Best Weight Loss Tool Counting macros is one of the best tools for weight loss because it allows individuals to track and adjust their macronutrient intake while still being able to enjoy their favorite foods. This method of tracking macronutrients helps to ensure people are eating enough nutrients to meet their needs and can easily help to create a healthy balance between proteins, carbs, and fats. How to Count Macros for Weight Loss To count macros for weight loss, you'll first need to determine your individual calorie needs and macronutrient ratios. Once you have an idea of your starting point, establish a diet and exercise plan that will work best for you. Track your daily macronutrient intake and adjust your plan accordingly. Sticking to My Diet and Exercise Plan Sticking to a diet and exercise plan can be difficult, but it is important to stay consistent and maintain a healthy balance. Make sure to track your progress and adjust your plan accordingly. Additionally, seek out support from friends and family to help keep you motivated and accountable. Keeping Track of My Progress Keeping track of your progress is key to seeing results. Make sure to track your daily macronutrient intake and adjust your plan accordingly. Additionally, take note of your progress over time and celebrate your small victories to help keep you motivated. Read the full article

[realcube]

haikyuu!! boys with a s/o that becomes clingy/affectionate while drunk

characters: kyōtani, kenma, iwaizumi, matsukawa and bokuto

thank you anon for this marvellous request mwah

ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP!

tw// drinking, suggestive themes, sexual references, swearing

Kentarō Kyōtani

kyōtani was used to having a cool, laid-back s/o who was just as awkward about physical touch as he was 

i mean, that’s kinda a part of the reason he liked you so much - so y’all could get over your awkwardness together

so imagine his surprise when his usually level-headed, calm s/o came stumbling out of the club, a blubbering mess and threw themselves into his arms, wailing something about a maths test

THE AMOUNT OF EMOTIONS THAT FLOODED HIS MIND IN THAT ONE MOMENT OMFG ADFGHJKL

he was like ‘omg why are they touching me? i kinda like it- wait are they crying? tf? i ain’t ever seen them cry before- should i help them? lord everyone is looking at us now. so what the fuck do i do- AYE DON’T TOUCH ME THERE’

so he had no choice but to dip with you flung over his shoulder lol

he took you back to your shared apartment and forced you to drink some water and instead of ordering a take-out, he just gave you his leftover burrito which he took to the club smh

it was probably cold 

but that was the best he could think of at the time bc he simply needed to shut you up with food bc the alcohol in your system was causing you to become especially touchy, hence resulting in kyōtani getting especially aroused

but the last thing he’d do is fuck you while you’re drunk and i firmly believe that despite the fact kyōtani is a bit of a lout - he still has like a basic moral compass

but i mean if you kept being so damn suggestive then it was gonna be a lot harder for him to resist his urges

you were rubbing him up and shit, calling him every pet name in the book so ofc he just stuck a burrito in your mouth and went ‘stfu 😡’

the painful part was that he was silently enjoying it too (┬┬﹏┬┬)

(though, he was red from blushing lol, not anger) 

and he wasn’t used to it either so obviously he was gonna get flustered, i mean, everything was happening all at once

oh and you told him ‘i love you’ and he literally combusted like lord have mercy on this man 

just that morning you were calling him your ‘annoying rat boyfriend’ (jokingly, ofc) and now you love him?-

that wasn’t the first time you told him that you loved him but he was still blushing none the less 

and he stammered out a ‘love you too’ PRAYING that you wouldn’t remember any of this the following day

anyway, he cuddled you to sleep and railed you as soon as you sobered up - the end ❤

Kenma Kozume

pov: you’re kenma happily being a wallflower in the club then your s/o approaches you, demanding for you to fuck them 

- ok, end of POV - 

anyway, your speech was slurred so kenma wasn’t really sure if that was what you were asking him to do but if it was, he would’ve happily obliged if it wasn’t for the fact you were clearly drunk

mans was blushing though

bc y’all hardly ever do it but now - all of a sudden - you were tightly wrapped around him, garbling erotic threats into his ear

kenma was worried at first but you were like..really weak

so it wasn’t hard to get you off his torso, usher you out of the club and grip your hand as he ordered a taxi 

also kenma had read enough wattpad fanfictions to know how to deal with someone while they’re drunk 

but none of those fanfictions ever mentioned a single thing about how to deal with yourself while your partner is drunk

like seriously..he was in pain

both from the throbbing erection he had and the aching embarrassment he felt - both stemming from the fact you tried to give him a lap dance in taxi ✋ please oml

anyway, he took you back to his apartment and insisted that you have a few slices of the left-over pizza in the fridge along with a glass of water

after you changed into your pyjamas, you had clearly sobered up slightly as you could now compose coherent sentences

but that wasn’t any better for him bc now you were draped over him, whimpering into his ear about how much you love him

‘i’m so lucky to have you, kenma. i love you so much. you remind me of my first cat - you’re such a cat- i mean, blessing..you’re such a blessing.’ 

ngl, at that point he would be at a loss for words, just deciding to hug you until you fall asleep

like he finds it so cute that you’re finally opening up to him about how you feel as you’re usually quite composed and restrained 

but also- what does he do now? 

you eventually fell asleep in his arms and the next day, you woke up to kenma having made breakfast and telling you how much he adores you which was..confusing, to say the least

he told you about how you acted when you were drunk and to say you were embarrassed would be an understatement 

also, he’ll tease you about it for the rest of your life ;)

Hajime Iwaizumi

literally all you had to do was send him a text like ‘iwa...,,.,...ily so mycj ❤’’ and he’s already waiting in the line to get into the club lol

he marches in there, finds you, grabs your hand and drags you home 

let’s hope that your friends know what iwaizumi looks like so they don’t have to just watch a random guy haul you out the club-

and tries to act all like angry iwaizumi >:( but when you are trailing behind him, muttering about how amazing he is, he becomes more like angy iwa grrr (* ￣︿￣)

by that, i mean that angry iwaizumi would bring you home and lecture on how irresponsible it is to get so intoxicated 

but angy iwa just takes care of you but with a disapproving scowl 

and angry iwaizumi would make nasty, bitchy remarks about how inappropriate your outfit is 

while angy iwa would be like ‘babe, your outfit is lovely but maybe wear something different next time, idk....’

either way, he takes good care of you 

he makes sure you eat (and he cooks good food btw - he doesn’t make you eat leftovers lmao) 

he lets you change into more comfortable clothes

he ensures that you don’t die in the shower 

and he forces you to go to bed

but all of that is rather difficult when you’re clinging to him like your life depends on it, raving on about how sweet of a boyfriend he is and covering his face sloppy kisses

his original plan was to go train some more in his gym (yes, there is a gym in y’alls house-) but when you were peppering his cheek in kisses, begging him to stay with you for whatever reason, of course he didn’t have the balls to leave

 so he ended up laying like a log in bed as you cuddled up to him like koala, resting your head in his chest and allowing him to run his hand through your hair as you slept

in that moment - as he stared down at your tranquil figure - he realised how grateful he was for moments like these, as he finally got see a side of you that he knew you’d almost never exhibit when you’re sober

like yeah, you often tell him how much you love him but he can always tell that it’s as if you’re setting aside your pride to say such a thing but now, you’re gushing on about it with the most genuine look in your eyes, he can tell that you’re being completely sincere 

and to say that he adores it would be an understatement 

so yeah, you were kind of a pain while drunk but you were also the most adorable thing that iwaizumi had ever laid his eyes on (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

Issei Matsukawa

ok so the only reason matsukawa wasn’t getting drunk with you was bc the first time y’all got drunk together he got fined for public indecency and you got done for public intoxication

so you decided that it was best (for your wallets) if you took turns getting tipsy

emphasis on ‘tipsy’ bc you both went to the bar together (along with a few friends) and you promised matsukawa that you’d only have a few drinks 

so please explain to him why he is now having to carry you bridal style out of the bar because you are too hammered to walk properly 

and he was kinda grumpy bc he had to leave his friends mid-conversation bc not only were you pestering him but also, the erotic things you were whispering in his ear caused him to get a boner

and he was getting weird looks from people as he carried you home but that was the least of his problems tbh- he didn’t even notice lol

the biggest issue on his mind rn was the fact that you made him hard yet you can’t help him bc you’re drunk smh 

like he was tempted at first bc you seemed down to do it but he quickly came back to reality and realised how morally incorrect that’d be 

so he was mumbling curses the whole way home just to tune you out bc if he paid any more attention to the racy promises you were muttering in his ear- he’d explode

he’s alright at taking care of you like he isn’t iwaizumi’s level of caring but he’s a close second, i mean he’s gotten drunk plenty of times so he knows the basics

he was like ‘drink water idk lol ’

anyway, once he handled himself he wasn’t too fazed by your lustful advances

and he was so smug about it too deadass like ‘keep talkin’ me up, (y/n), you ain’t getting shit until you’re sober.’

smh ANYWAY he thinks you’re so charming when you’re like lovey-dovey drunk but SO annoying when you’re horny drunk bc like- he can’t get some (T_T)

Kōtarō Bokuto 

best for last 👌

ok anyway he’s an athlete and he doesn’t need alcohol to have a good time- he’s forever drunk tbh- drunk on life :)

so while you’re getting hammered with your pals, he’s doing stupid shit while sober lol

once you both rendezvous outside the club to head home and you’re absolutely steamin- he’s just like ‘hi, babe! how’s your night been?’

SO OBLIVIOUS OML

anyway, he drives back to y’alls house and since you’re fatigued at first, you spent 90% of the car ride sleeping

but when you get home, more awake, you’re all up on him

but you’re not like sensual drunk- more like..emotional drunk but with love 🥺

so basically you are sobbing into his chest about whatever and bc he is an such empath he will start crying too, or at least get a bit emotional 

you could say something like, ‘omg, bo. i hardly get to see you because you’re at work so often- i wish i could spend more time with you. i miss you so much’  ╯︿╰

and he would deadass reply whole-heartedly while weeping into your shoulder, ‘I’M QUITTING VOLLEYBALL, (Y/N)!!’

(ok, so maybe he was a bit tipsy too- but like..definitely not has drunk as you)

he has no idea where to start when it comes to taking care of you but he tries (��◡` ‘) 

at the very least, he ensures that you don’t having any more alcohol and that you don’t die somehow 

he’s v overprotective though 

you could be getting a fork to eat your instant-noodles with and he’ll be like 

‘apologies ✋ but i cannot allow you to handle such a dangerous weapon while intoxicated. maybe eat with a spoon instead, idk.’ /h

other than that, he just cuddles you to sleep and deals with you in your badly hungover state the next day

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: May 15th Part 1

It’s been longer than usual since our last answer session, so I’m answering a ton of questions today! It’s so big I split it into two parts. Thank you for the patience on getting a response to these.

Thanks for reaching out to us with your questions and kind words ^^!

Sorry if this has been asked before or isn't something you can say but is there anyway for Cove to confess in step 4? I wanted him to confess in step 3 and followed all the steps to make him do it but ended up texting my family instead of Cove at the end.

Yeah, Cove can confess in Step 4!

Hello! I heard that Cove is on the spectrum, albeit undiagnosed. As someone who is ND, this makes me UNBELIEVABLY happy. I literally was brought to tears! Thank you for that!

Out of curiosity, will Cove be diagnosed in Step 4? I have a strong feeling y’all won’t make it a HUGE deal/make it out to be negative, so I’m not worried about that whatsoever! I’m just curious just he’ll off handedly mention it? Or will it just not be touched upon at all (which is ok!)?

Either way is ok, I’m just curious!

I’m happy it made you happy! Admittedly, Cove simply being someone with autism that grew up not being diagnosed was something I included for myself. I didn’t really think anyone would notice or ask about it, aha. But players did start to have questions about his traits, so I started to talk about it outside of the game. It’s great to see it get such a positive response and now I do feel like having it be a non-topic may have been the wrong choice and bringing it up would’ve been good in terms of having positive representation for that. I don’t know if I’ll find a way to mention it in Step 4 now, with how far along the game is, but I am at least thinking about it when originally it wasn’t something I really even considered.

Hey!  Just wanted to say thank you for Our Life.  It's been a bright spot and a needed escape in what's otherwise been a crummy year.  I know you just did a Q&A post but I figured I'd ask anyway.  Was just curious about Step 4.  Will it be similar to the other Steps in that it consists of several different moments or will it just be one long sequence?

Step 4 is shorter than the prior Steps because it’s just an epilogue rather than a full arc of a story. It’ll consist of scenes that all happen in a set row one after the other. There won’t be a collection of Moments to choose from. But it’ll still be very sweet and fun.

¡hola!, you see, first I want to say that I love Our Life! (°◡°♡) and I have 2 important questions, would Cove cry watching titanic? and what is the saddest part according to him? (sorry for my english) 

Titanic would make him cry. He’d probably think the parts showing people who aren’t able to make it to the life boats/are choosing to stay and go down with the ship were the saddest.

Hello, I wanted to ask how much you earn with creating games? Like is it possible to make a living? Thank you >< <3 

How much I earn varies a lot month to month based on Steam sales, Patreon backers, and how many projects are in full production at the time. It’s also hard to say how much I make historically, since that also changes dramatically year by year. But I do earn enough to work on these games full time! I really appreciate all the support that allows me to do that.

Hey!! I was wondering for the 18+ Our Life moment, will there be an emphasis on safety/comfort for all involved? I feel like there  would be just going off of what the rest of the game is like, but I wanted to ask 

Yes! Cove is a nervous boy himself and also super cautious about doing anything the MC doesn’t like, so clear consent from both is absolutely needed for anything to happen. It’s a conversational sexy times Moment with stops/starts so the two can talk about how they’re feeling, rather than a heat of the moment just going for it kind of thing.

Hey!! I was wondering how long the wedding dlc would be? Will it be broken up into moments, or just one big event? 

It’s one long series of scenes all in a row rather than a collection of Moments to pick from. It’s the shortest and the least expensive of all the DLCs. It’s not super crucial to get and those who aren’t into big weddings can totally skip it without worry.

HELLO AMAZING DEVS 👋 i am hopelessly in love with the worst guy ever (jeremy king) and because of this i have a really stupid question: does he really hate people who are nice to him? TvT he’s too cute to be mean to istg it’s a miracle JB held the urge to be consistently nice to him bc just look at his FACE he is so cute! thank you for jeremy’s route it’s so lovely (and awful bc he’s scum 11/10) it gave me so much laughs LMAO i hope you guys have a good day!! 

Haha, thank you. He doesn’t hate them but he’s certainly not pleased with them. Jeremy is either uncomfortable with or annoyed by people being sweet on him, depending on how they approach it. He’s far more comfortable with jerkiness. It lets him relax and he can be himself without it being a problem, since he’s also a jerk. He feels a level of guilt being such a little punk to kind people, not enough to be a better person but still.

Has Cove dated or been interested in someone other than MC? 

Nope! He stays single over the course of the game if he’s not with the MC.

Is Step 4 more mature? Or it's gonna be set in similar atmosphere as Step 3? 

Step 4 is a similar atmosphere as Step 3. Though, it’s actually kind of less mature-topic heavy than Step 3 since it’s just a ‘hey, let’s check in on the gang to see what they’re up to’ style epilogue rather than a story arc with serious issues.

will there be new music for now and forever?? or will the old our life music be reused? 

It’s gonna be a brand new soundtrack. We’ll be opening up a job position for that soon.

Hi, is it okay if we use the assets in Our Life (like the sprites) for fanworks or fan content content, like edits? 

Sure! Just as long as you don’t use the assets made by those artists to make money.

Quick clarification on Step 3 choices: I hope I didn't come off rude (because I LOVE the game, really!!), I was just curious because the intro threw me off at times. For example, you could choose how you felt about Elizabeth in Step 2 (Dinner), but during the Step 3 intro, it says that you got closer to Liz and I didn't get a choice in it. 

For the example, it can’t be helped that you’re closer to Liz in Step 3 than you were in Step 2 because she’s inherently closer to the MC regardless of whether you liked her or not in Step 2. Her feelings are out of your control and the game isn’t so dramatic that you can push her affection away and not let her bond with you, haha. But ‘being closer’ can still be relative. For some people maybe that means you’re best buds now and for others it might just mean you’re not fighting all the time any more. If there’s other parts you want to mention, feel free to let us know.

Did the illustrator for Our Life change? 

We have many OL artists! The main artists who set the game’s style haven’t changed, but there’s multiple other artists who help finish assets.

So Miranda's type is confident and outgoing, huh? So...does that mean Terri's her type?? 👀 

Haha, sorry for the late reply on this. As you might’ve seen in our post yesterday- yeah that is her type.

Hey! First, I just want to say I've really enjoyed how detailed OL got with gender identity and sexuality and how respectful the topics were handled! It's been so wonderful to play since the experiences could be close to my own (I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up at parts). Second, I was wondering, would future games explore the topic of polyamory? I'd love to see more visual novels allow room for that and I saw you've explored the topic before.

Keep up the amazing work! ♡

Thank you! We do want to include polyamory in at least some of our future projects. Floret Bond, which might be what you’re referring to when mentioning how we’ve explored the topic before, is on hold unfortunately. So right now I’m not sure when something might release or what will be the first game of ours to come out with poly relationships (we might do something else before FB is done). We’ll have see how things ends up coming together.

Hey um. I feel like im not allowed to ask this on the private discord cuz people will yell at me but why is there so much focus on OL2 and not finishing OL1 stuff? I like the new people but i kind of want to finish cove's story and get derek and baxter stuff first. didn't people pay for it? 

I’m sorry, I don’t understand entirely what’s making that situation a concern. There’s a channel in the discord for critique where no one is allowed to comment back. People can voice things they’re worried about without any way for others to push back on it. And the two teams working on the OL games are different. We try to post pretty often about how we’re hiring brand new people to start on Our Life: Now & Forever. The OL1 team is all still working on OL1 like normal. There’s only more updates on the Patreon for OL2 because the expansions to the first game are mostly script-based at this point while OL2 is just starting to get all its art, which means there’s a lot more to show off as previews.

Also, there was a Kickstarter for the first Our Life, if that’s what you mean by people paying for it. But one of the stretch goals was to start Our Life 2 early, before fully completing Our Life 1, so that the new game could be out sooner. It wouldn’t make sense to stop doing OL2 work because that would be going against what backers were promised. Maybe you didn’t get the full story before and hopefully this clears it up!

Hello! I know it's up to every player but.. What is your recommendation for playing order? Did you ever had any timeline  events planned? 

I didn’t make the events with a planned timeline. The events got made simply as I had ideas for them and then I just kind of organized them from left to right on the screen in an order to space out more dramatic ones between more lighthearted ones. Any order the player wants to go with is totally valid!

Hi! It's Step 4 a paid dlc or update? And how long it's planned to be? Ps. Love the game! 

The Step 4 epilogue is free! The Cove Wedding DLC does cost money, though. Those are planned to be shorter than the usual Steps/DLCs.

Will we have options for what sort of job the MC might have by the time step 4 takes place? 

Yeah, you can. It’s not super exact or detailed, but there are options about it.

Is there a pandemic in Our Life world, or is it just in a better timeline with no pestilence? 

Our Life is pandemic-free! That didn’t exist when we began working on the project and it’s not something we’d like to feature in this story now that it has unfortunately come along, aha.

Hi, you said that you can play tic-tac-toe or hangman with Cove in Boating if you're sick/scared but I keep getting tic-tac-toe. Am I doing something wrong?

After being sick/scared you have to continue to be upset/unwell. If you calm down and decide to just chill you’ll end up playing tic-tac-toe.

Hi, GB Patch! Since Lee was initially commissioned to only appear in two Steps does this mean she won't appear in the Wedding DLC? I really like her character so it'll be a little weird to not have our cousin at our wedding, aha.

She is gonna be in Step 4/the wedding DLC after all! We’re still working with her creator to make sure it fits with what they wanted.

Is Sunset Bird based on a real place? Asking for a friend, not trying to move there or anything. 👀

It’s based on small beach towns in So-Cal, but not one specific town you could go see in real life, I’m afraid. It’d be nice if it was real, though.

—– —– —– —–

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[todomitoukei]

Hey wanna ask u something I saw a post in twitter saying that Bakugou is very rude in japanese and they can't really write how rude he is in english cuz english translation isn't rich as the Japanese ANYWAY, since Bakugou is rude is Dabi a rude character too? And who's the most rudest character in BnHA? Man i hope it's Dabi kskdkkkds 😔😂 I just feel it suits him to be rude :')

That’s a great question! Also sort of difficult to explain? There are a lot of nuances to the Japanese languages that don’t exist in English, so be aware: there is some information ahead.

Let me preface this, though, by saying that I normally read My Hero in English. I sometimes read certain parts in Japanese, specifically when I try to figure out what the character said exactly rather than just trusting in the English translation. So I can’t give you a perfect answer as to who the rudest character is since I’m not familiar enough with everyone’s speech patterns. (I think I’ve mostly looked at what Dabi and Shouto have said in Japanese), but I did browse a little more through some Japanese chapters to compare a couple of characters.

For this post, I am going to mainly compare Bakugou and Dabi.

And before we talk about swearing in Japanese, I don’t remember if this is just a one time occasion or if this happens more often throughout the story, but for example, in chapter 292 when Shouto basically asks Dabi whether he has lost his mind, the official English translation made him say: “Are you freakin’ insane?!” - sorry, but if you’re gonna add a swear word, why this watered-down version? This is a story filled with dark topics, brutal fights, and on-screen killing, and yet you won’t let a teenager say fuck? W h y ?

Anyway, the reason people say it doesn’t translate well is that swear words aren’t a big thing in Japanese. There are a couple of swear words, and we’ll look at those, yet overall those words aren’t swear words by definition, but rather become swear words based on context and tone.

Because the Japanese language is all about different levels of politeness, whether certain words are rude or not depends on the context and whom you are speaking to.

That being said, let’s take a look at the different ways characters can sound rude:

Words

This is a really good post that talks about swearing in Japanese and lists some of the words that can be used similar to swear words.

One of the words featured on that list is 「 てめェ」 (temee). This word gets used by several characters throughout the story, usually to address an opponent. Here’s an example of Dabi using it in chapter 292 whilst referring to Best Jeanist:

If you look this word up in the dictionary you’ll get the following definitions: you (used by young males; vulgar; derogatory)/ you son of a bitch/ you bastard. Technically, this word means you, but the nuance boils down to the speaker looking down on the person they’re talking to.

There is also the word 「死ね」 (shine). This is the imperative form (command form) of 「死ぬ、しぬ」(shinu) - to die. I don’t think I have to explain why it’s considered rude to tell someone to die. Anyway, this one is commonly used by Bakugou (like when he has to throw the ball during class).

Another big swear word is「くそ」(kuso), meaning damn, shit. In My Hero, this is often said as「クソナード」(kuso naado) - “damn nerd” by Bakugou. Another nickname Bakugou uses is the one he has for Shouto,「半分野郎」(hanbun yarou) - “Half bastard”

Speaking of 「野郎」you know who else uses that word? Dabi.

Dabi says:「なんだ空っぽのコスプレ野郎じゃねえか。」(nanda karappo no kosupure yarou janee ka.) 

I think the English translation says something along the lines of “Oh, so you’re not just a hollow cosplayer” But that loses a lot of the nuance.

「なんだ ; nanda 」-> depends on context, but can be translated as “What the hell?”

「空っぽ ; karappo」-> hollow

「の ; no 」-> particle to indicate possession, works like an apostrophe

「スプレ ; kosupure 」-> cosplay

「野郎 ; yarou 」-> bastard

「じゃねえ ; janee 」-> rude form of 「じゃない」 (janai) which is already the casual way to negate the word it proceeds

「か ; ka 」-> question marker

As you can see, this sentence includes several colloquial/rude ways of speaking. The full sentence would be “What the hell? You’re not a hollow bastard cosplayer?” - yarou can also just be translated as “guy” but even then it’s a rougher word, so that’s why bastard emphasizes that better, I think.

So it’s definitely fair to say both Dabi and Bakugou are ruder than other people, mainly shown by the way they address people. 

Bakugou even uses 「野郎」on the hero Slidin’ Go:「語彙力この野郎」(goiryoku kono yarou) “Extend your vocabulary, you bastard”

Also, here’s a panel that features Bakugou saying several rude words at once! Sometimes, he uses a lot. Featured here are the aforementioned 「くそ」(kuso) and 「 てめー」 (temee), as well as 「ばか」* (baka) - “idiot” - *note that in the manga kuso and baka are written in katakana,「クソ、バカ」 respectively, instead of hiragana to emphasize them similar to the function of italics.

Polite Speech

Again, there are different levels of politeness in the Japanese language, and one of the quickest ways to determine the level is by looking at the verb ending. There is a plain form (also known as dictionary form), as well as a polite form. The latter is also known as “masu”-form since you change the ending of the verb into masu.

There are a few instances where Shouto uses the polite form while talking to someone, like here with Rock Lock:「頼みます」(tanomimasu) “to entrust to”

and here, when he is thanking All Might「ありがとうございました」 (arigatou gozaimashita). This is a common phrase, but it’s usually shortened to just arigatou.

Now take Bakugou again, who doesn’t use the polite form when talking to Pro Heroes he has never talked to before and instead calls them bastard. Definitely ruder!

Another instance of a character using polite speech is Dabi throughout his broadcast, like here where he says「生まれました」 (umaremashita) “have been born”

Pronouns

There are also several personal pronouns in Japanese. The standard being「私」(watashi), which is mainly used by women, but can also be used by men, specifically in formal or public spaces to remain more neutral. This pronoun is for example used by All Might. 

The story itself is called 「僕のヒーロー��カデミア」(Boku no Hīrō Akademia), boku meaning I and is usually used by boys/young men. Grown men might also use it as a sign of modesty since the word originates from the terms 「下僕」(geboku) meaning manservant, and「公僕」(kouboku) meaning public servant. As the story title hints, this is the pronoun Deku uses to refer to himself.

Another personal pronoun is 「俺」(ore). This one is more commonly used around peers. Because it sounds a little self-asserting, it can be rude when used in formal settings or when speaking to strangers or old people. This is a pronoun used by the majority of the male characters, including Dabi, Shigaraki, Shouto, and Bakugou.

Which language a character uses is part of their characterization, hence a more humble character like Deku uses boku, whereas more dominating/self-confident characters like Dabi, Shouto, or Bakugou use ore.

What’s more, a good way to learn about the different politeness levels is to look at chapter 290, where we switch between Dabi’s broadcast, and Dabi on the battlefield talking to Endeavor and Shouto.

Aside from using the polite form of speaking in his broadcast rather than the casual form, he also uses boku in his broadcast, and ore on the battlefield:

Again, when boku is used by grown men (aka Dabi) it’s a humble way of speaking. Pairing that with him using the polite form of speaking makes him sound especially well-mannered, a huge contrast to his usual rough character.

Sentence Ending Particles

Another way to influence the way what you’re saying sounds is the way you end your sentences. There are several particles you can use (sort of like “right?”, “isn’t it?” etc.). Again, there are certain choices here to make you sound “cooler” or “manlier” - so not explicitly rude, but it just adds to the already existing roughness certain characters use when speaking.

One of these particles is「さ」(sa) which is a casual/rougher form of 「よ」(yo), mainly used by men, and can be added to the end of a sentence for emphasis. Here’s an example of Dabi using sa while speaking to Skeptic in chapter 291.

Also, note that temee gets used again here. As mentioned before, temee can just mean you, but in a derogatory way. The official translation says “Thanks to you and your camera for that prime footage. No reason not to use what we got, right?” - so aside from English not having a derogatory you, the “right?” is at least a good translation for sa.

「ぜ」is another particle like that, but it’s only used in casual conversations or when speaking to someone of lower social status. So when Dabi uses this here -

as he invites Endeavor to dance with him in hell, it’s obviously a rude, mocking way to end the sentence since technically Endeavor is above him in social status (since he is his father and also a Pro Hero).

To sum it up, there are a lot of characters who generally speak rougher and less respectfully than the average character does, but what makes Dabi and Bakugou particularly stand out is the way they address people, often using derogatory words, added with some other ways to sound rougher/ruder no matter whom they are speaking to.

In comparison to Shouto, who has shown to at least sometimes speak in a polite form, Bakugou doesn’t seem to use that form at all. The problem with comparing this to Dabi in order to figure out which of them is the rudest is that we don’t really see Dabi in formal situations. Him being a villain automatically means he doesn’t exactly get into situations, where he would speak to a higher up. Sure, Shigaraki is more-or-less his boss, but they’re more on even grounds than in a formal employee-employer scenario.

The one time he does speak formally is during his broadcast. This shows that he can speak formally when he wants to - but he usually doesn’t. Again, though, as a villain, it’s difficult to compare him to those on the hero side. That is also the reason why some might consider Bakugou to be especially rude since he is on the hero side and with that, expected to speak nicer to people.

While Dabi’s speaking mannerisms match that of a bad guy, Bakugou speaking similar to him despite being a hero-to-be makes him sound more aggressive. Bakugou is basically the expression “don’t judge a book by its cover”.

With that, it would make more sense to compare a character like Dabi to another villain, of course. While characters like Shigaraki overall also speak similar to Dabi, again, it’s more about the words he uses for people, especially when he is close with them.

So I think it’s fair to say that Bakugou and Dabi are, at the very least, some of the rudest-speaking characters in the story. The reason the translations can’t quite capture this is due to certain aspects of Japanese (like the different levels of formality shown through conjugation, certain particles, and certain words) not existing in English. While English also has rougher ways of speaking, there aren’t as many nuances, especially if you want to make characters stand out more in comparison to other characters with similar rough mannerisms.

Anyway, I hope this somewhat answered your question! Like I said, it’s difficult to explain that in one post, especially considering the amount of characters in the story, as well as certain aspects - like Bakugou being on the hero side and Dabi being on the villain side - making it more difficult to sum it up, so hopefully this at least explained a little bit.

[monkvyasaa]

Traditional vs Modern astrology

How is conventional astrology extraordinary in the present day?

Traditional astrology is more external, situational, and event-targeted, while present-day astrology is more mental and character-primarily based. In modern astrology, the chart is an intellectual map; in traditional astrology, it is your thoughts, surroundings, and what happens to you.

Most present-day astrology subscribes to an open-ended, indeterminate free will—in other words, your natal chart might also display certain tendencies, but they will all be changed, negated, or “transcendent” with difficult work and, in most cases, wonderful thinking.

Traditional astrology is primarily based on a much more deterministic or fate-primarily based worldview. In classical astrology, the aim is to apprehend or divine (divination, coming across the divine intent) your area within the broader order, in place of trying to “transcend” your chart. I want to consider it aligning with the universe’s order and your area inside it. In this regard, it resembles divination techniques together with the I Ching.

In present-day astrology, the planets are no longer taken into consideration as wonderful or negative, happily or alas, in present day astrology. It has a tendency to look at all charts as similarly lucky, with all and sundry having the same possibility of accomplishing something within the traditional sense.

Traditional astrology places a sturdy emphasis on assessing the repute of planets, which may be both lucky and terrible. Furthermore, a few planets are certainly useful or useful, even as others are certainly dangerous or malefic. In conventional astrology, no longer are all charts created alike, and no longer are all planets similarly efficient; a few human beings are destined for fulfilment, awesome marriages, or fortune, even as others are destined to have tough lives in numerous ways.

As a result, traditional astrology is tons more involved with an actual evaluation of a chart and the way it impacts your existence than with a mental description of the way super and non-secular you’re on the inside. Traditional astrology now no longer glosses over or brushes aside difficult or detrimental functions of the chart.

Some technical differences

The present-day Twelve Letter Alphabet, wherein signal equals residence equals planet, isn’t always utilized in conventional astrology. A planet within the 10th house has little to do with Capricorn, and a planet in Taurus has little to do with money, in accordance with standard astrology.

There isn’t any mental improvement technique travelling across the wheel, and the dwellings are unbiased of the symptoms and symptoms. It certainly takes a second to bear in mind that children (5th) come earlier than marriage (7th), and loss of life (8th) comes earlier than a profession withinside the residence sequence (10th). Also, the number of homes is negative; the 8th residence represents a loss of life in place of transformation, and the 6th residence represents infection in place of health.

Traditional astrology makes use of symptoms and symptoms extra as contexts inside which the numerous planets can act, every so often effectively, every so often ineffectively, in place of as important character types. The maximum great records approximately a signal is in which the ruler is positioned and what form it takes, in addition to what planets are in that signal and what form they take.

Traditional astrology locations a sturdy emphasis on sect whilst figuring out the planets’ universal energy and weakness. Depending on whether or not the solar is above or under the horizon, charts are both diurnal or nocturnal. The numerous planets also are diurnal or nocturnal, and their best of operation is essentially decided via way of means of whether or not they agree or disagree with the chart’s sect.

Whole signal homes, which date again to the Hellenistic generation and had been used for over a millennium, are used withinside the form of conventional astrology that I practice. In entire signal homes, the Ascendant’s signal is the primary residence, and the subsequent signal’s signal is the second, so the signal and residence limitations are the same.

Aspects of the signal as a entire, which includes perceiving and aversion. A planet in Cancer is skilled via way of means of a planet in Pisces, no matter how close to they may be via way of means of a diploma in conventional astrology. (Aspects primarily based totally on tiers also are utilized in conventional astrology, even though for extraordinary purposes.)

Only the Ptolemaic components – sextile, square, trine, and opposition – are utilized in conventional astrology. (Conjunctions also are used, however they may be now no longer taken into consideration components.) A planet this is close to some other can see that planet. Any planets that don’t have such a components are stated to be aversion, this means that they can’t see every different and are unaware of every different.

The solar isn’t even mentioned. The Lord of the Ascendant gets a ways extra interest than the solar.

Traditional astrology is normally used to reply unique inquiries regarding sure components of one’s existence. Character evaluation offers an overarching framework in present day astrology; a query offers that framework in conventional astrology.

Traditional rulerships are the only rulerships utilized in conventional astrology. Mars dominates Scorpio, Jupiter policies Pisces, and Saturn policies Aquarius, whether or not you rent the outer planets or now no longer. Also, rulership in conventional astrology does now no longer mean affinity; it simply means that the planet is in rate of that signal’s affairs. So, in case your 7th residence is Taurus, the character and best of your relationships might be substantially decided via way of means of the vicinity and kingdom of Venus.

The 3 present-day planets are utilized by sure conventional astrologers, while they may be now no longer utilized by others. Those who do, in general, do now no longer area almost as tons emphasis on them as many moderns do. They are visible as something among planets and stuck stars, as Ben Dykes positioned it, and are simplest targeted on whilst close to some other planet.

[sirenprincess15]

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 13

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

In this chapter: Angsty Aleksander considers possibilities for handling Alina now that she knows the truth. Fedyor discusses his relationship with Ivan. This chapter is a deep dive into Aleksander's thoughts and emotions as he fears Alina will choose to be with Mal.

Chapter 13

Aleksander stared at his favorite painting in the war room. It was a vivid picture of the sky with a vibrant sun; the rays flooded down into the dark sea. He gently reached his hand up to touch one of the rays, but it was just paint on canvas. It couldn’t actually warm. He wondered if this was as close to sunlight as his war room would ever see again. Alina was with the tracker, and surely she was never coming back.

Oh he was trying to convince himself that she would realize the tracker was no match for her, perhaps if he just let them meet and talk it through she’d figure it out on her own, but he knew he was fooling himself. Without any real hope, he’d gone through the motions--summoned the tracker for her, given him accommodations in a suite even, allowed them to meet alone. Now it was late in the night and Ivan was guarding outside the suite. He’d promised to send word to Aleksander if their heartbeats changed, for any reason. Aleksander tried not to think about that even as the image of the tracker putting his hands all over her body refused to leave his mind. Perhaps she would remember he’d been kind in 50 years when she realized the mortality of the tracker. Maybe it would only be 30. The tracker certainly couldn’t hold her attraction for long.

But if she chose the tracker, there was the dilemma of what to do about her power, and that was why he was already on his second bottle of kvas. He knew what needed to be done, but he wasn’t sure that his heart could do it. He would have to force her to use her power the way they needed. There really was no choice. The lives and safety of all Grisha depended on their powers. It wasn’t something he could just give up because she had a crush on her little mortal friend. The tracker would never agree to any of his plans, and Alina would listen to him. Aleksander was very much regretting not choosing that army accident for the tracker, but then there was the matter of possibly needing him for the Stag, which Alina had to have for anything to go right. Aleksander sighed and refilled his glass. Truly, the choices were going to end up being manipulating her into using her power as he saw fit or trusting David’s idea of how to get control of it. To manipulate her, he would have to use the tracker, which meant letting her be with him now. And, of course, there was still that unlikely possibility she might actually pick him. It was a laughably remote possibility, but his heart wouldn’t let him make choices that closed that option off.

He had been playing this game of long chess for centuries. He was well accustomed to making the difficult choices, to realizing you had to sacrifice something that meant a great deal to you to make it to the end game. This game was different, though. Everything changed when you truly loved one of the pawns and wanted to make her your queen.

He tried to focus his attention back on the painting, but all Aleksander could see was the look of hatred in Alina’s eyes when she called him the Black Heretic. All he could hear was her screaming about all he had done wrong. How would she look at him if he collared her and took control of her with David’s idea? How much worse might it be if he threatened to kill the oh-so-precious Mal to get her to do what he wanted? But he didn’t want any of those things. He wanted her to choose him, to help him defend all Grisha, together. The possibilities of how things might go if she didn’t wouldn’t leave his mind. He had seen now how she stared at him when she was filled with hate. Could he bear her looking at him like that to protect Grisha? Could he bear failing all Grisha just to get her to smile at him again? It was enough to fill his eyes with tears and make his jaw tremble, but even here, alone, protected in his office, he could not let himself let those walls down and feel. He was too dangerous when he let himself become overtaken with emotions.

A knock at the door startled him. It was well into the night. No one would come to disturb him … unless Ivan had sent them with news of Alina’s heartbeat. Was she having sex with the tracker right now? Surely the tracker hadn’t hurt her. He wouldn’t dare in his palace. Aleksander strode across the room to answer the door.

“Fedyor?” Aleksander’s voice rose with surprise. He paused a moment for the heartrender to explain his presence, but the man seemed quite flustered that he’d actually answered the door. “I do recall giving you specific instructions to get some rest because I might need you to guard Alina in the morning.”

“Um, yes, about that …”

Aleksander waited. Fedyor opened his mouth to speak several times, grimaced apparently at the words he was about to form, and then closed his mouth again. Aleksander raised an eyebrow in question but then tried to clear his head enough to analyze the behavior. The blush to Fedyor’s cheeks said he was embarrassed and it was clearly about something he didn’t want to admit. “You can’t sleep without Ivan,” he guessed.

Fedyor scrunched his face and shrugged his shoulders with unease. “I can’t sleep without Ivan,” he confirmed. “And if you’re truly going to need me in the morning, then you should know. But then I thought that if I am having trouble sleeping without Ivan, you might be missing Alina too. And maybe you might like some company? Ivan was worried about you.” He paused and shook his head. “Yeah, I hear myself now. I’ll show myself out.”

“You’re drunk!” Aleksander laughed. “You missed Ivan so much that you got yourself drunk.” And, yet, he was doing the exact same thing.

“A wee bit,” Fedyor said, holding up his fingers a small distance apart. “Am I going to be in trouble for not sleeping? I am in for it with Ivan if I upset you.”

Aleksander grabbed Fedyor by the arm and guided him in. “I should definitely reprimand you for disobeying orders,” Aleksander agreed. “Keep drinking with me and I will forget to do it.” He pulled a second glass from his desk drawer. It would have been Alina’s glass. Screw it all. He could work on having a well-oiled Grisha military machine that instantly obeyed any order tomorrow. Tonight, he actually could use the company.

“Drone on and on for me about the virtues of Ivan? Perhaps you will keep me distracted.” Aleksander tossed back his drink and then filled two glasses.

“You really love her that much, huh, sir?”

“We aren’t talking about me. We are talking about you and Ivan.” Aleksander tried to redirect, but his own thoughts were all over the place. “Did Ivan actually say he was worried about me?”

“He cares about you a great deal, sir. He’d prefer you to think he’s just a good soldier that has perfected anticipating your orders, but he considers you a friend. And, yes, he’s quite worried Alina will break your heart.”

His heart had been broken a long time ago, from betrayal after betrayal, from losing Luda, from seeing friend after friend die, from seeing his people suffer so severely for so long. Alina had just been the only one who could reach inside and hold together the pieces. Rather than cry about it, he had another drink. “You are not keeping up.”

Fedyor’s smile said he was more than happy to meet that challenge.

“Who else knows?”

“About …?”

“Miss Starkov not being in here. Have people started noticing?” It was silly to worry about bearing that humiliation. He was ancient. He could endure a few mortals noticing his girlfriend had left him. A few growls, maybe a few shadows at dinner time, and they would all snap into line and stop gossiping. Really, he had much bigger concerns to be worrying about, but perhaps because he did not want to think through those concerns any longer, he found it easier to focus on this problem that could potentially be solved.

Fedyor shook his head. “I have not heard gossip, sir, and believe me, when the Little Palace starts gossiping, I know. It’s not uncommon for the two of you to keep to your chambers and avoid meals. Only Ivan, Innessa, and I have been guarding her to know where she’s going. I think it will be a while before anyone notices anything amiss. Nadia would probably be the first because of her closeness with Alina. I could have her stationed at …”

“No,” Aleksander interrupted with a raised hand. “No, she is a good friend to Alina. In fact, I should encourage them to spend more time together. Give Alina a friend that is her future and not her past. Someone who lifts her up. Could you arrange for Nadia to invite Alina for some girl time or something tomorrow?” Perhaps that would get her away from the tracker. “Maybe Genya too.” He sighed heavily. “Unless Alina has realized Genya spies for me. I forgot to disclose that to her. I am going to be realizing things I hid and half truths I told her for some time. She thinks we should be 100% open and honest with each other on absolutely everything. Can you imagine?”

Fedyor nodded. “She does have a point. That is the best way for a relationship. It sounds hard, but there is something to be said for someone knowing you through and through to your core and still loving all of you the same.”

The words wounded as deep as the Cut could. Aleksander narrowed his eyes and stared at Fedyor with such anger, it was almost as if his gaze could cut back. Fedyor squirmed in his seat until he finally added, “Sorry, sir.”

“It’s fine,” Aleksander said. The pain was real, but it wasn’t Fedyor’s fault. Aleksander had thought Alina loved him. It was in her kisses, in her smile when he told a joke, in the way they made love. He had been so stupid to think that might mean that he could have what others had--true love, acceptance. He had thought that the problem with finding a true partner was his immortality. Alina had the potential to solve that issue, and it could have been amazing. He had almost forgotten he had centuries of shame that no one could ever possibly accept. It had never gone well when he had tried to confide in a friend along the years. The Black Heretic could never be forgiven. Ivan knew, but he was the exception, and Ivan accepted it only because he had seen so much horror in his own life. Aleksander was so dumb to think that Alina might possibly be able to accept him to his core, as Fedyor had said. Her rejection of his true self cut deep inside. It was a wound that would bleed and ache for centuries as he tried to learn how to function with her without her love. He could not blame her. His core was so dark, his mistakes so heinous, how could she possibly accept any of that? She had seen through to his core and hated what she saw there. Who could blame her?

“We are not drinking enough for this conversation,” he said while refilling their glasses and trying to shake off his dark thoughts.

“For what it’s worth, Ivan thinks you should just hold Alina down, force the Stag on her, and use David’s trick to gain her power. Then you don’t have to worry about her heart. I don’t know how he can say that. He would never do that to me. I don’t know why he expects you to be able to do it to her.”

“Ivan knows that the lives of all Grisha are dependent upon our using her power. We are trapped by the Fold, and our enemies are coming for us. Even our own people are turning on us. We need her to be able to protect all Grisha from persecution, death. He has seen … what happens when we don’t have that. And he knows that if we were to somehow lose control of her, her power, then they would come for us. He thinks we shouldn’t let the slaughter of all Grisha depend on a young woman’s whims, and he’s not wrong.”

“But you refuse because you love her?” Fedyor’s love for a good romance showed in his voice, even in his eyes.

“I love her,” Aleksander said without hesitation. “But even I would struggle to justify refusing for that reason alone. Using an amplifier to transfer power is a theory. Untested. We don’t actually know what that would do. What if it hurts her? What if it hurts her power, diminishes it? We cannot risk losing Alina’s power or the Stag. That amplifier is too rare to take chances with. Until David’s technique is proven, we cannot take the chance. I’ve authorized him to begin developing it. I will let him test it on a willing subject, but not Alina. I have a guard whose Grisha power never developed. He is a good man, and he is willing to sacrifice for our cause. His partner is Grisha. David will see if he can get it to work with a minor amplifier with them. Then, we shall see.”

“That is well thought out, sir.”

Aleksander shrugged. Thinking, strategizing, planning, those were his strengths. Love? This was all foreign to him, but not to Fedyor. Aleksander had an expert in a solid relationship right in front of him. “So tell me, Fedyor, if you needed to use Ivan’s power to save all Grisha, what would you do?”

“Then I would talk to him about it, sir.”

“And if that didn’t persuade him?”

“Then I guess I would talk some more. I cannot imagine … forcing, that would never work.”

Aleksander sighed. Fedyor was right, of course. Alina would never forgive him for forcing her if it came to that. It was just that it was the fate of all Grisha on their shoulders. “And if he preferred to just sleep with another man instead?” That stupid tracker would be the ruin of everything.

“Then I think I’d probably kill him.” Fedyor laughed. “The other man, that is. Heart attack seems perfectly appropriate in those circumstances.”

“That, I’m sure, could be arranged.” They both laughed. Better to fantasize about the tracker’s death than let his pain, loss, stress, and worry consume him.

The creak of someone in the hall pulled Aleksander’s attention. Ivan was guarding Alina and the tracker. With Fedyor with him, he wasn't sure who else might come to his chambers so late in the night. Just as he was signaling the danger to Fedyor, she appeared in the doorway and instantly took his breath away.

“Alina …” He hadn't expected to see her this evening, certainly not so late. What could it mean? Was she there to tell him off some more? To announce her plans with the tracker? The thought made him feel ill.

Her eyes took in the state of the office--empty bottles of kvas everywhere, a very drunk Fedyor jumping to greet her then stumbling back. “Okay, what is this?” She laughed as she tried to help Fedyor back to his chair. “I have to know what is happening here.”

Ivan appeared right behind her shoulder, only steps behind. “It appears General Kirigan is trying to get my husband drunk.”

“Or am I trying to get General Kirigan drunk so he stops stressing about what Alina is doing?” Fedyor slurred a few of the words. He flashed a big smile as he tapped his head as if he had this brilliant idea no one else had thought of.

“Sir, do you want me to stay with her or return to the tracker?” Ivan checked.

“Oh this is ridiculous!” Alina interrupted before he could even think it through. “Mal has been asleep for hours, he's not hurting anyone, and we don't need a babysitter. Let Ivan get Fedyor to bed to sleep this off. He is going to need it.”

She knew he never allowed her without a guard. Did that mean she was staying? He couldn't let his heart hope. He tried to read her intent before he finally turned to Ivan and nodded his approval. Ivan had to half carry Fedyor out the door.

“I didn't expect to see you tonight,” he whispered once they were alone.

“It's your turn to sleep,” she said matter-of-factly.

“You would still …?”

“Were the nightmares fake?”

He shook his head slightly to say no even as the shame of his weakness flooded over him. He wasn't sure how he could even fake something like that. “You know now what drives them.”

“And I really make them better?”

He gave a sharp nod. Her warmth was the only thing that kept them at bay.

“Then I'm here.”

“What does the tracker think of that?” He should hold his tongue, accept what she was offering, but he couldn't help wondering if she had been with him. Surely Ivan would have mentioned it if the tracker got her heart racing. Had his lips been on her? She was Aleksander’s soulmate, and she had spent the start of the night with another man.

“Mostly he thinks I should cut your head off in your sleep. I'm working on discouraging that.”

She wouldn’t. He knew that. She clearly meant it as a joke. “Do you love him?” The words were out before he could stop himself. The kvas was loosening his tongue, he realized. He knew better than to ask questions he didn’t want to hear the answer to.

She was taken aback. “He is my … home, family, support … comfort.” She was struggling to describe it.

There were a lot of words missing there, important words--passion, happiness, love, partner. Didn’t she notice that? “He makes you think that you are not enough, but you are. He holds you back, and you let him.”

She sighed. “I didn’t come here to fight about Mal. Maybe you need to sleep this off too.”

He wanted to push, to make her realize how wrong the boy had always been for her, how he had hurt her, held her back, likely without ever even intending to. But he also didn’t want to irritate her and didn’t want her to leave. “I’m sorry.”

She nodded. “Come on, let’s get you to sleep. A few hours at least, and then you can fetch Ivan to guard me again.”

It felt awkward somehow undressing in front of her now, but he certainly wasn’t sleeping in his kefta and leather. He turned his back as he removed them, but secretly, he hoped she was looking, remembering what they had, longing for it. He didn’t dare turn to glance behind his back to know, though. He feared if she was turned away, if she was repulsed by him now that she knew who he was, it would crush him. With his black sleeping robes on, he gave her warning before looking up. “Okay, I’m ready.”

She climbed into bed and motioned for him to join. It was almost as it had been before, except that everything important wasn’t. She didn’t trust him. He wasn’t sure if she even still loved him. Their bodies were the same, but he did not feel the same comfort in her as he pulled her to his chest. They were going through some of the motions to get him to sleep, but nothing was the same. There would be no sex. Tears filled his eyes as he truly realized all he had lost the moment she found out his true identity, not just the orgasm he would not have, but the intimacy with her, the connection with someone who could be a true partner, even the comfort of acceptance. She could turn on her warmth, but would it do the same thing if she was full of hostility towards him?

“Alina? I am sorry. And I love you.” Maybe it didn’t matter. It didn’t change anything at all, but he wanted her to know.

“I know,” she said and then softly leaned up to kiss his cheek. “I can feel that. I’m trying to figure out with you how to tell when something is real. Baghra made me doubt … everything. Your isolating me from Mal made me question all of your motives. But if I pay attention to our bond, I’m starting to be able to tell if you’re being genuine. So, we start over here, with my getting to know the real you and deciding what I think of the actual Aleksander. I’m working on forgiving you.”

He closed his eyes and thought through all of that. She hadn’t mentioned the Fold or being the Black Heretic again. Maybe she could, if not forgive, at least understand how that happened now. Perhaps she could accept who he was. Was that even possible? She was angry he had lied. She felt he had tried to isolate her. He supposed he had, but not truly isolated; he had encouraged the friendships with Nadia and poor Marie and Genya. He had tried to isolate her from her past so she could move on to her future, to shed the things that held her back. If the letters to Mal hadn’t been so self-depreciating, apologetic for being Grisha, perhaps he might have permitted a visit earlier. She felt betrayed because he had lied, kept things from her, and manipulated her. He couldn’t exactly deny that, but he had tried to manipulate her to accept herself, to be happy. It was clear, though, she did not appreciate being treated that way.

“I’m trying to be better for you,” he whispered. He knew he could never deserve her. He had made too many mistakes, done too many dark things, and was truly filled with darkness himself. And she was light. The tears that had been filling his eyes finally slipped out as the guilt of all of his mistakes weighed heavily on his heart. “You make me want to be better.”

“Aleksander …” she whispered, her voice full of worry. Because of their bond, she could likely feel the pain in him, all the regret. She looked up at him and reached to brush the tears away. “I know you are. I can feel it. I appreciate it.”

She pressed her forehead to his and just sat there, breathing with him, letting the power flow and call between them, bringing all the emotions back and forth for a while. She was confused, but she cared. Deep in there was this tiny thread of hope.

He wanted to make her happy again. He had made her happy once, hadn’t he? All those smiles and laughs. He could do it again if she was willing to give him a chance. He would try his best to be what she needed. Full honesty and openness were not things he was good at. His entire life he had been forced to lie to everyone out of necessity, for survival. But he would try for her. He would do anything to bring that lightness back to her heart. “I’ll be better. I’ll make you smile again.”

She shifted their bodies and pulled him to her chest for a change. The slow beating of her heart calmed him as she ran her fingers steadily through his hair. “Shh, shh, shh. No more worries tonight. Go to sleep. Just go to sleep. I’m here. Just rest.”

She’d chosen to be with him and not the tracker. She was here. It was all that mattered. Together, they could do anything.

[karimac]

...in the details, Part 2

A/N: Warning for this series: 18+ audience (minors DNI), some cinematic level violence, some fluff and angst. Doubt that smut will be involved, but it may be implied. I’ll make sure that is noted clearly if it pops up.

All relationships, at this point anyway, are platonic.

Please do not repost or translate my work. Likes, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

A bit about the OC Kari

Part 1

All mistakes are my own.

Word count: 2,249

Before you ventured into Westview, a flight of birds overhead reminded you of Redwing and Sam. Poor Sam. That sixth sense you had told you that fight at the compound was going to lead you all into very weird places. And the first one left you very squarely not in the room once again.

This time it was Steve and Bucky being thick as thieves, and you and Sam were…making a sandwich run? Couldn’t exactly get GrubHub to make a delivery to an attack site, could you? Bruce did not want some driver with a cellphone putting video up on Snapchat. “How would that look?” he bemoaned as he worked on the time travel platform. “We’d be getting tourists left and right. I don’t need that.” So off you and Sam went.

“You know, you could just, you know,” Sam started to say as he waved his hands like he thought a wizard would do, “and just poof up a plate of stuff. Right? With extra food for Banner, of course. He inhales tacos like nobody’s business. Just ask Tic Tac.”

“Sam, what have I told all of you before? Magic is the transfer of energy and matter. No suitable food stuff means no sandwiches. I can’t just think about the deli counter at Wegman’s and make a sandwich and a side of coleslaw appear in my hand. So, we’ll order on the app and pick it up. Just like everyone else. Before I hit the button, any changes to your order?”

“No, it’s fine. But don’t tell me you’ve never done shit like that when you’ve had your back against it,” Falcon huffed as you went to the rental car you’d gotten earlier in the day. That, thank Heaven, was easy to get at the local but extremely small airport.

“I’ve killed small rodents and eaten them, and I don’t mean just rabbits. Snakes, too. And, well, birds of prey, like falcons,” you groaned as you started to get into the car, but you stopped and headed back to the passenger side. “And I know you hate my driving, so here you go,” you said as you handed Sam the keys. “Sorry it isn’t a Ferrari. I was lucky to get this Kia. They didn’t exactly have anything race course worthy.”

As Sam climbed in, he saw bags of gear in the back seat. “You pulling a Wanda? Need some me time away from all us testosterone jockeys? Cyborg is going to be pissed.”

“Bucky has other stuff to deal with, trust me,” you said as you rolled your eyes. “He does not need to add Crazy Old Broad to his growing list of things to do and people to take care of this week. I heard him talking to Steve…”

“You? Eavesdropping? You are human!” Sam smirked, but then he saw the comment had hit a nerve. “You know I was kidding, right?”

“I know you are,” you said as you swallowed hard. In reality, you were not exactly buying that last comment. Sam was a sweetheart, but his comment sounded like things Tony and Steve had said about you in the weeks before the Time Heist. It depended on the situation, but one or the other of them seemed to question you, your motives, your powers and what they could do, and, at times, your grasp on reality. You did have a connection to a goddess they couldn’t see. Blaming them for having those questions just was not in your wheelhouse. “And yeah, maybe I just need to go figure a few things out. You guys know how to get me back here if you need me.”

“Somehow I don’t think Steve, Bucky and I would look so great standing and screaming your name in the middle of a fight,” Sam noted as he finally turned the key in the ignition.

“Now who is having issues with gender roles?” you said with a very pronounced side glance. “Sam, we are all human. We all need a save now and then. Maybe you’ll never have to utter my name again after today, unless you guys can’t find something you think I hid? Thor will be back once he’s done exploring the universe, and you can always get him here fast if you have Strange find him. And Wong is just dying for his shot as a full time Avenger. We all know that! And I can go back and do, well, goddess stuff, I guess. And raise horses. Just, please, make sure no one drops the ball on Parker. He lost his parents and his uncle. Losing Tony will hit him harder than anyone likely expects. He’s a good kid. He just needs support and guidance. Now, want to get this thing moving, or do you want me to drive?”

“And have you antagonize the local cops by going Mach 1? No thank you!”

You had to laugh at that one. You did tend to floor it. A lot.

++++++++++

A short time later, you and Sam rolled back to the site Bruce had chosen to set up the time travel platform. After you two handed out all the food, you realized it was really time for you to get going. No, you didn’t have a train, plane or bus to catch or someone to meet. You just knew it was going to get harder to make the break the longer you stayed there.

“She’s pulling a Wanda on us,” Sam said as he finished off the last of the sweet tea he had grabbed at the deli where you’d gotten food. “I think it’s too much he-man macho stuff, but she won’t fess up to that.”

“Wilson, how many brothers did I have?” you asked as you cleaned up the trash from the table Bruce had borrowed from a local park that had been wrecked during the battle. It had a huge hole in the end, but hey, it was good enough for the moment.

“Eight,” Bucky replied before Sam got the chance. “Just don’t quiz me on all their names. I remember your twin, Branan, and the one who was the vampire. Ewan? Right?”

“Yup, that’s right,” you grinned at Buck. “And no quiz. Promise,” you said as you raised your left hand and crossed your heart with your right.

“Why are you leaving?” Bruce asked as he adjusted the sling on his still injured arm, putting extra emphasis on the word “are” as he uttered it. “We need all the help we can get.”

Bruce, heaven help him, was suddenly one of the last active OG Avengers standing on Earth. Thor was off finding himself with the Guardians, and no one could really begrudge him that. He needed time to heal, and you knew all too well that was not easy nor time limited. Clint had more or less retired again after Natasha’s sacrifice on Vormir. Steve was getting ready to take the stones back, but upon his return, he’d likely join up with Sam and Bucky again to root out any remaining Hydra cells. That left Bruce in a very different place this time around.

“Bruce, you don’t really need me being a head case. Trust me. You do not need me giving any news outlets ammunition to blast headlines that make the team look less than spotless. I need to go home, at least for a little while,” you replied, knowing full well you were not telling him or the others everything. “And as I reminded Sam, you guys can just call me, and I’ll be here. Just whisper my name. Or yell it. Whatever works. Text me! If it’s an emergency, and if I’m not in the middle of some new damned war on my end, I’ll come running. But I have a feeling you guys are going to be just fine. Hell, I’ll give you a blessing before I head out.”

Yeah. A blessing. More like the final nail in the coffin. The words to start the spell to make them forget you.

“Big guy, you first,” you said as you put your hands on Bruce’s injured right arm. “And no, I am doing this, Bruce. It won’t be a full healing, but it should speed things up. You got this, big guy. Biggest brain. Biggest heart. May you realize just how much this team was built with your sweat and tears as it was anyone else’s.”

“I can’t change your mind?” Bruce asked as he pretended to wipe a tear from his eye and pout a bit. “And I am not asking because you are likely the only one of us who can cook…”

“I’m pretty sure all of you guys can cook something. Maybe not a good Colcannon or a fine Dublin coddle, but you’ll survive. As for the cupcakes, you guys may need to get a bakery on speed dial,” you added with a laugh because you knew they’d make that bakery rich. The Avengers loved their sugary snacks.

“Just don’t bug my sister, Bruce,” Sam noted as he waited for you to come over to him. “I still remember asking why the Cupcake Lady had a sword that night when those demon things attacked near the tower. I never asked. Why the cupcakes?”

“And not why the demons or the sword?” you said as you nearly choked on your words. “You realize that was before Steve saw me at Peggy’s funeral. That night was truly a fluke, Sam. No one was supposed to see that side of me then. As for the cupcakes, they were my entry to your world. Gifts from a fan girl. They’re easy to carry, a synch to personalize when needed, and everyone can have their own without fighting,” you said with a grin as Sam shook his head. “What?”

“You sound like Sarah.”

“Then I am in good company. Tell her the good stuff you’ve told me all these years. The words of wisdom. The little jokes. The pep talks. Tell her often. A single mom with two boys needs that. Be there for her, and drag these guys to see her, too. It would do the boys a world of good to have all their uncles stop by. Now, Samuel,” you said as you gave him a hug, “remember to keep these guys flying right. And if the world drops opportunity in your lap, whatever it might be, do not look at it and push it away without a lot of thought. The world needs Sam Wilson, the hero with a heart.”

And now the hardest part of this good bye had you wiping tears from your eyes. “I know. I’m a big mush. Girls from Brooklyn would laugh at me for this, right? Sorry, but girls from Naas and Athy do cry sometimes. I’m going to miss you two lugs. A lot.”

“Lugs. Last time you called us that was in ’43,” Bucky said as he looked down at his feet for a minute. “Somehow Hydra missed that memory.”

“You’ll see us again,” Steve said as he turned briefly to see where the case with the stones was on the platform. “But this time, it better not take 70 years.”

As you looked at the best friends, something about their auras seemed off. They had been planning something when you almost walked in on their chat a few days ago. You had no idea what it was, and you suddenly didn’t want to hang around to find out what the next act was going to bring.

“Just…watch your back, Steve. From what Clint said about Vormir, that one is going to be tough. And Buck, whatever comes next, I’m rooting for you. Even if you can’t see me doing it.”

“You really don’t have to leave,” Bruce kept insisting as you hefted your backpack on your shoulder.

“Dr. Banner, do you really want to fight my demons after all this? I have enemies. You just haven’t seen them yet. Frankly, the only reason that Hydra didn’t grab me before I hooked up with the Howling Commandos was because I was pulled into another dimension by one of those enemies. It was only by some weird twist of fate that Peggy found me when she did. If the veil between worlds had not been so thin near that camp, I might never have made it back, or Hydra might have found me first. It was pure dumb luck.”

{{And, Heaven help me, part of it was these two lugs over here}} you thought as you turned to head to your car. Then you stopped. This was a lot harder than it had been any time before, but it was the curse of an immortal to have to keep moving on. “I wish you luck, joy and happiness. I wish you peace. And, if you are truly lucky, memories long enough to have little space to spare for the likes of me because they are filled with so much more! See you in my dreams, for now anyway, fellas.”

++++++++++

You rolled out of there before Steve started his mission to return the stones, and you got a text from Bruce hours later telling you everything that had happened. Steve not coming back as planned. Then an older version of Steve shows up, sitting on a bench near the platform, and he gives Sam the shield. Right in front of Bucky.

It was now weeks later. No. It was months later, and here you were staring up at the sign for Westview. You’d gotten out of your rental car so you could get a feeling for the area around this little town.

“You made it back,” a voice said behind you. “How are you, after all that mess with Wanda and that Agatha woman? She was a real piece of work.”

The person speaking to you was Dr. Darcy Lewis. Friend of Thor and Dr. Jane Foster. Why was she even here?

You couldn’t fully figure out what the hell she was talking about. You didn’t remember being here before. Yet, you knew who she was, and you had never met her before. Or at least you couldn’t remember meeting her, here or anywhere else.

“Apparently not as great as I thought I was,” you muttered as you winced again. “Dr. Lewis, how long ago was the blip?”

“Give or take a week, about six months ago,” she replied as you started to pace. “Why?”

“Shit. Not this again,” you hissed as you looked up at the sign once more. “I think I’m going to need your help. How much do you know about Celtic myths and Irish history, Dr. Lewis?”

[sunbeams-and-honey]

hi im new to astrology and i just wanted to know what does it mean/how it affects me and my future if i have sun, mercury, venus all in gemini 10th house, moon in aquarius 6th house, virgo rising and also pisces mars in 6th house. thank youuu.

Hi darling! Thanks for the question.

Your combination of a Gemini Sun and an Aquarius Moon makes you a very captivating person. You're someone who can definitely trust in your intuition and you also benefit from a witty foresight. You are absolutely capable of improving yourself and making positive changes for yourself. You're intellectually energetic, which means that you can go on for ages with any activity involving your mind, such as writing or solving puzzles. You have a deep need to express your individuality as much as you can, as well as being stimulated at all times. You are more or less terrified of being bored. You are so busy so much of the time that boredom seems to affect you more intensely as you're not used to staying still and relaxing. You really enjoy and benefit from finding new ways of looking at and thinking about something, and also from establishing connections between different things. It's really satisfying for you when something finally clicks in your mind.

Your Sun is in the 10th House, which means that you work hard in order to achieve your goals and to also reach a certain status. You are excited by the idea of having power, but make sure that this desire does not make you cruel. You might want to be famous at some point in your life but you want to live an honourable and dignified life while doing so. That being said, you may be prone to getting into scandals if you're not careful. You want to be in charge where possible and you aren't afraid of the responsibility that comes with it. If you were to be put into a position of leadership then you'd know exactly what you'd be getting into. You're very determined to make a name for yourself and to be a good role model to others. You're likely to have a good reputation.

You have your Moon in the 6th House, which makes you someone who is obsessed with being healthy and organised at all times. A lot of your emotional satisfaction and stability depends on how hard you work, which can be a problem if you don't work as hard as you think you should. You have to understand that you have limits and you're allowed to relax without having to work for it. You are caring and emotional, and very empathetic. You get very stressed when you can't be of any help to anyone else. You may be prone to have physical pain when going through emotional distress or pain. You tend to feel very energetic and alive when there is nothing worrying you and when everything is going your way.

Your Gemini Mercury means you have great social skills. You are charming and eloquent in your speech. You are a quick thinker decision-maker. You always have something interesting to say so people always want to talk to you. You may find that you're the one carrying the conversation a lot of the time. You have the tendency to exaggerate sometimes. People are fascinated by your intelligence and knowledge. You know a bit about everything. You're constantly thinking about more than one thing at a time and because of this, you can forget about very important things every now and then, such as birthdays or anniversaries.

Your Mercury is in the 10th House, which makes you very good at solving problems under pressure. You're not one to back down from a challenge just because everyone else does. In your personal life, there will be a huge emphasis on self-improvement and general achievements. You highly value your goals in life and you are a natural communicator and public speaker. Even if you're shy, you have a great way with words, which leave a huge and lasting impact on those around you. You're very articulate. Your career is very important to you. You don't see it as merely a job, it's something with which you put effort into and care about.

You have your Venus in Gemini, which means you are very talkative and witty, especially when with your friends. You are very skilled with your words. You may love deep and complex subjects such as philosophy and once you find someone who shares this appreciation, then there will be no one stopping you from discussing it at all hours of the day and night. You are skilled with mediating conflicts and settling arguments before they become too big and destructive, and this is largely down to your persuasive skills. You need someone who appreciates and, to an extent, shares your intelligence and thirst for knowledge. You are very transformative, most likely going through many important changes throughout your life.

Your 10th House Venus makes you someone who wants to make a valuable contribution to the world. You want to change things for the better and will do everything in your power to make that happen. You want to make the world a brighter place too, spreading love and positivity wherever you go. You'll probably make a good career out of one of your hobbies. You might be the type of person to have an Etsy shop. You like being the centre of attention because you want to be appreciated for the things you have done. Some people can see you as pretentious because you want the nicer things in life and because you surround yourself with influential people. They don't realise though that you do this to keep as many doors open as possible when it comes to opportunities.

All of this means you have a Gemini stellium, which means you really embody Gemini qualities, more so than your average Gemini Sun. You are quick to both crack a joke and to put the pieces together and solve a problem. You are probably the life of the party. You have a great ability to relate to anyone, which is something that really helps other people. You may find that others often turn to you for comfort and support because they feel seen and heard by you. People can struggle to keep up with you at times albeit entertained by the stories you have to tell. You always have something interesting to say.

This also means you have a 10th House stellium, which makes you someone who loves their independence. You're not one to typically listen to authority figures unless you absolutely must. You might benefit from working for yourself one day rather than for somebody else. You are ambitious and not one to mess around once you get down to something. You may have had some kind of issues with a parent, or someone you viewed as a parental figure, at some point in your life. You know the best path to success, and are hellbent on staying on that path.

I've already gone over what it's like to have a Virgo Rising! You can find the post here.

Your Mars is in Pisces means that you are the kind of person to fight for your dreams. You are a walking contradiction, both sensitive and powerful, though perhaps it is your sensitivity itself that makes you powerful. You prefer to go with the flow rather than planning for the future or being in control. You want and expect things in your life to just happen naturally. Even if you are a hardworking person, you don't expect all your hard work to just go to waste. You want to get something from it. This can make you confident enough to go after your goals and dreams, but it can also lead you to getting easily disappointed.

You have your Mars in the 6th House, which makes you someone who is prepared to work incredibly hard for your dreams and goals. You love helping other people, but you have to watch out for people who use this kindness of yours and exploit it. Remember you can say no. You are productive, efficient, and almost always ready to work. You rarely ever seem to get tired so you do run the risk of burning out because you work so hard. You have the tendency to become impatient and irritable when other people do things in a different way to you. You have an amazing capacity to pick yourself up after failure or mistakes.

Words Of Advice:

Learn to relax more, maybe even meditate!

You need to learn how to balance your work life and your personal life.

Try to depend less on validation from others.

Maybe choose an area to specialise in rather than knowing a bit about everything and not properly committing to something.

Be more open to new experiences.

You don't need to take on every single challenge thrown at you.

Try changing your ways of doing things every now and then.

Remember to slow down every now and then.

You don't have to be working 24/7.

Pay more attention to your friendships.

Be mindful of who you spill your secrets to.

Try to keep your expectations realistic.

Thanks for the question darling and I hope this helped! Sending good vibes your way and have a wonderful rest of your day!

[oh-boy-me]

HONESTLY I am really endeared to leviathan being the more incomprehensible brother AND am very interested to know what makes him particularly difficult to translate (both in text and when he’s speaking)... you’ve mentioned he uses a particular dialect and a lot of slang and I am so intrigued to hear the details 👀

Oh I will take ANY excuse to gush about language; I’m more than happy to dissect some of the more frustrating lines I’ve translated from Levi.

There are lots of times where Levi uses slang, either general colloquialisms or gaming terms, but because it’d take too long to find them all I gathered the ones I specifically complained about in the posts.  I’ll sacrifice myself and re-translate them, breaking it down lol.  With luck I’ll be able to get across why it was so frustrating.

First, I’ll break down a simple comment, to give an idea of what straightforward Japanese looks like.

俺もやってみたいな (ore mo yatte mitai na)

(Simeon’s comment from Create Your Own Avatar?) 俺: I も: also やって: From やる (to do), more colloquial than する み: From みる, in this case “to try” たい: Want な: A little bit of emphasis So together, it’s “I want to try it too.”

Japanese takes some getting used to, because the word order is very different, it loves postpositions, and you have to figure out what parts to group to get the right meaning, but it’s nothing that you can’t handle with a little practice and base knowledge.

As for Levi, well... that’s below the cut for length purposes.

神企画キター！！ (kami-kikaku kitaa)

(From Idol Mammon) 神: Before a noun, 神 means “top notch.”  It’s a productive prefix, so you can add it to a lot of things to suggest that it’s good quality.  In the gaming world “godlike” is the general meaning. 企画: Planning, design キター: きた comes from くる (to come), and if it doesn’t make sense in the sentence literally, it probably means “here it is.” So together, it’s “Godlike planning!!”

By the way, in linguistics “productive” means that it’s still being used to make new words today.  For example, -s to make a plural is productive, but -en (like in oxen) is unproductive.

これぞ真のリア充！ (korezo shin no riajuu)

(From Chronicles of an Otaku) これぞ: This, but like.  More powerful.  It’s like “THIS,” emphasis on the this. 真の: Real, genuine リア充: Normie I think I translated it as “This is the true ultimate normie!”, where “ultimate” came from the strength of これぞ.

ぴょんブームだったんだよね (pyon buumu dattanda yo ne)

(From Mammon the Bunny) ぴょん: Boing, or jumping like a rabbit would ブーム: A boom, as in a fad だった: The past form of です (to be) ん: Kind of implies an explanation だよね: Either “isn’t it?” or “yep,” depending on the context. Since everything from だった on basically means “it was,” all we have left is “boing” and “fad.”  So… “That was a bouncy boom”

そのままやないかーいwww (sono mama yanai kaai)

(From Where Did the Rabbit Go?) そのまま: The way things are, without anything changing やない: This is the kansai-ben part.  The kansai dialect is (obviously) spoken in the kansai region, and is mainly characterized by the language of Osaka.  やない replaces じゃない to mean “isn’t.” かーい: Also common in kansai-ben, but it’s basically an elongated か, which is a softer, more masculine question mark.  やないかーい means “it is, isn’t it?” ＊Previously I said that it was specifically kansai-ben, but I don’t think it’s actually exclusive to that area. www: lolol It basically means “Nothing’s changed has it?” but with the obvious colloquialism I stylized it to be “Business as usual, huh?”

I don’t think Levi uses kansai-ben consistently, so I’m not entirely sure why he threw it in here.  Maybe he’s just borrowing it because it sounds cool to him.

レッツサバヘルゲー！ (rettsu sabaheru gee)

(From I’ll Protect You) This one is either pretty interesting, or kind of annoying. Survival game is サバイバルゲーム (sabaibaru geemu) or サバゲ (sabage).  ゲー and ゲーム are the same, so there’s no problem there.  But Levi says サバヘル (sabaheru), which has two options:

It’s a play on words, because ヘル means hell.  Which is cool

Levi doesn’t pronounce things ever.  Which would be really cool if Japanese wasn’t my third language and I wasn’t trying to understand it

I don’t remember if I talked about that in the post, but I was very tired when I made that post specifically, so.  If it’s the wordplay option, unfortunately I couldn’t think of any way to give the same idea in English at the time (maybe survivhell itself would work?).  The meaning is just “Let’s (play a) survival game!”

--

In terms of speaking, he’s mainly frustrating because the way words would be pronounced in textbook Japanese aren’t always how he pronounces them because... well, in the real world people don’t pronounce things the textbook way.

For example, if you listen to him say Leviathan (pronounced reviatan in Japanese) when entering battle, I kept hearing “rebiadang.”  Phonologically, here’s probably why:

bi (ビ) is the more natural way to pronounce vi (ヴィ) in Japanese.  Vi is pronounceable, but not natural.

da (ダ) instead of ta (タ) is a common case of voicing a voiceless consonant when it’s between two vowels.

In Japanese, /ng/ and /n/ are both ン, as in they don’t differentiate between those two sounds, and it went to the velar /ng/ because the next sound is /k/, also velar.  Although you could argue that he does say /n/.

Looking back, it probably should have been obvious that “rebiadang” was “Leviathan,” but when you’re stressing to figure out what it is, the answer isn’t as clear.

I’m not going to try to explain how he pronounced ざまみろ because he kind of just... doesn’t say that.  It sounded more like wario than mamiro to me.

If I had to explain what makes transcribing him hard, I’d say that he often cuts corners and sacrifices enunciation for speed.  Lucifer also has a few consonants that get blended, usually with /k/ and /g/.

Honestly though, after the frustration in the moment, it’s great that Levi doesn’t sound like he’s right out of the Genki II textbook.  It forces me to exercise my language muscles, and shows off how unique everyone can make their own manners of speaking!  Keep being you, Levi, and I’ll keep figuring out what you mean by that.

[bluemoonpunch]

Gemini Season 2021

Gemini Season: May 20 - June 20

Astrological Focus:

Saturn Retrograde in Capricorn (May 23 - October 11)

Lunar Eclipse in Sagittarius (May 26)

Mercury Retrograde in Gemini to Taurus (May 29 - June 23)

Solar Eclipse in Gemini (June 10)

Jupiter Retrograde in Aquarius to Capricorn (June 20 - October 18) *Cancer Season

Neptune Retrograde in Pisces (June 25 - December 1) *Cancer Season

I got an interesting image when I was first sitting with the season and feeling into it a bit. What I saw was a system of tree roots moving deeper and deeper underground, and then slowly starting to twist around each other until they were one massive braid of roots that stretched straight down from the base on the tree. Simultaneously, the branches of this tree started stretching out towards the sky in all directions, but they weren’t actually growing. The more the stretched, the straighter and thinner the branches got, seeming almost desperate to grab onto something outside of itself in order to get away from the painful or seemingly unnatural process that was taken place beneath the soil.

This visual quickly turned into hands, lots and lots of hands reaching up, down, and all-around in the darkness, grabbing onto each other. Some of them were calm and gentle, barely grasping onto another’s fingers, while others were digging their nails into the skin in order to catch a sense of stability. This put into mind a forced fall into the “tar pit” of the 8th House, a forced deep dive that would prompt a lot of people to want to reach out or literally tear themselves away from their own core due to the complexity, confusion, or even painful nature of the process. There was an emphasis on connections being made in this process, hinting at an idea that this stretching, grabbing, and holding wasn’t necessarily escapism or something that worked against the process, but for some may be the point of the process altogether.

This was further supported by the center cards there, the main influences for Gemini Season, which are Cosmic Flower, which I saw as reflecting the visual of the roots and branches, and Companionship, which directly reflects the aspect of the hands clinging to each other within a void. There’s this sort of twisted motion within all of these retrogrades coming up, especially Saturn and Mercury, where a lot of people will be prompted to root down in order to branch out. Visually speaking, this is already very confusing and I don’t expect it to be a walk in the park for anyone, but simply being aware of it and knowing that what is coming up and going around is connected to this can help to keep the mind a bit calmer within it all.

Around the main influences of the Cosmic Flower and Companionship, there are also supporting energies for navigating one’s own belief or perception, and being able to adapt within a changing environment. Again, this can wrap itself into the visual of the hands reaching out in the void, being connected to bodies that can’t see each other, but have to instead believe that there are others there, believe there is a way out, and believe that there is a point to all of it, while also actually navigating their own corner of this warped purgatory.

There’s a lot of introspection that could come up, either bringing a lot of clarity or a lot of confusion depending on how it plays out in your chart. If you feel it’s necessary, I would recommend checking out the current transits in relation to your own chart, especially in relation to the retrogrades in Gemini Season as well as the eclipses.

Check Current Astro: http://planetwatcher.com/#

Check Transit Chart: https://horoscopes.astro-seek.com/transit-chart-planetary-transits

For a bit more context, I’ll include the notes that are on the main three cards there.

Cosmic Flower (paired with Companionship)

“The frequency of the Cosmic Flower activates our remembrance of the place we call home, the core from which we pour our magnificence out into the world.”

Again, I recognize this as being directly related to the image of the roots and the branches, but very specifically the process of the roots growing and twisting together to form one braided structure below the tree’s base. There could be something to this regarding stabilizing the core, or locking something into place within the core in order to close off one chapter to start a new one.

Belief (paired with Decision)

“The frequency of Belief supports our sense of self-worth based on our gifts and talents, and a strong connection to Source.”

This could relate to an aspect of this overall process that could bring people to consciously navigate the inner workings of their own belief systems and perceptions of both the inner and outer world. Decision is very much about figuring a plan of attack, represented by an open chess game and an open doorway leading into darkness, or unknown territory. It requires patience and time that would allow you to step back and look at all of what is going on at every angle before running towards it or away from it.

Dynamic (paired with Adaptability)

“The frequency of Dynamic supports our ability to harmonize between layers of aspects of different origin and frequency. It helps us to put together a reality that is made up of many different elements, both familiar and completely new, with ease, grace, and great joy.”

Dynamic and Adaptability might as well be the exact same card within this context as they both lend to the potential part of this process that would require a lot of us to really move with the energies and circumstances that come from those energies, rather than trying to avoid them or conquer them in some way. Adaptability specifically makes me feel like things could be very weird, very offbeat throughout Gemini season, presenting situations and problems that could be unfamiliar, or just seem unfamiliar as they haven’t come up in a while. The first thing that comes to mind that we could all relate to is the now “unfamiliar” situation of getting back out into public spaces, socializing more frequently and within bigger groups without as many restrictions or fear now that people are getting vaccinated.

[saiilorstars]

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 33: Secret Detectives

Previous chapters // Montserrat's masterlist

Fandom: SVU // Pairing:  Rafael Barba x OFC

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother​ @anotherunreadblog​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​ @stareyedplanet​ @perfectlystiles​ @averyhotchner​ [If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ` 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter Summary: Montserrat does the opposite of what Calhoun begs her to do. She and Damian are on the same page when it comes to Gael's trial.

"Hey, where's your brother?" Montserrat startled Kara just as the woman was about to put on lipstick. Instead of going on her lips, like a normal person would do, it went over her cheek.

"Montse!" the blonde huffed and threw Montserrat a glare for her imprudence, not that the detective noticed.

"What?"

Kara gestured at her red-stained face. "I have a lunch date with Sonny!"

"Oh please," the detective snorted and looked away. "He's in too deep to notice any flaws in you."

"While that is both lovely and stress-relieving, I still like looking nice," Kara got up from her vanity desk's chair and went in search for a makeup removal wipe around the room.

"Okay but seriously, have you got any news on Damian? He texted me this morning saying that he might have found a clue of where that missing security feed video went but he hasn't texted me anything else."

"So why would he text me?" huffed Kara again. She'd found her makeup removal wipes and had returned to the vanity desk. She leaned close to the mirror in order to strategically remove only the lipstick smudge and not her entire makeup.

"Because I'm desperate and hopeful, what else?"

Kara mockingly glared through the mirror.

"So?" the detective went on like nothing. "Did he happen to text you?"

"No," sighed Kara. "And if he does, I will call you straightaway. I promise."

"Thanks," Montserrat said and moved to leave only to stop by the doorway to look back. "And why are you putting on so much make up anyways? You're going to be stuffing your face with food."

"Get out!" Kara pointed, making Montserrat laughed. She could hear Montserrat's laughter even as the woman left, but Kara secretly decided she would much rather have this version of her best friend than the totally depressed version she had not too long ago. She wasn't sure what it was that changed - since Gael was still on trial - but Kara was thankful that something did change.

~ 0 ~

The last thing Rafael expected to see in his office in the middle of the day was Montserrat comfortably sitting at his desk, in his chair. "What...are you doing…?" he closed the door behind him, not that it would matter since Carmen had the day off. He'd be in trials all day today.

"I own your office now," Montserrat waved him off as most of her focus was on her laptop in front of her.

"No, I'm pretty sure you don't," Rafael countered as he walked up to his desk, but even him putting his briefcase down with a loud thud wasn't enough to startle Montserrat out of his chair.

"I seem to recall that yesterday you said I owned you so-" she looked up with a big smile on her face, a sarcastic one at that, "-I own the office now too. So could you please…" she made a gesture for him to actually leave the office.

"I did not say you owned me, I said..." Rafael cleared his throat when he remembered the moment he uttered similar words to the ones Montserrat was saying. It involved a lot of kissing in which he might have lost some of his lucidity. "I said: 'You might have me wrapped around your finger.' Emphasis on the 'might'."

Montserrat still smirked at him, quite proudly too. "It's amazing what I can get you to say when these-" she tapped her finger over her lips, "-are at work."

Rafael didn't know whether to laugh or snap. He'd been in more puzzled states this week alone than he had been over any case he ever handled. But he liked it. A lot. "Get out of my chair," he instructed, though smiling now, "And stop being so sarcastic. I have a short lunch break today."

"I know, those cases Olivia has me reading to catch up are terrible," Montserrat leaned back on his chair. "I'm swamped in files and when I'm not doing that I'm tailing after Damian and going to my brother's trials. So, you want to try again and tell me to get up from this comfortable chair?"

Rafael rolled his eyes. "No, I guess not."

Montserrat smugly smiled at him. "I wouldn't have been able to get away with this-" she rubbed her hands over the chair's arm-rest, "-if I wasn't kissing you every so often now, huh?" Not too long ago he was snapping at her to stop sitting over his desk.

Rafael decided to skip her moment of high ego. His break was truly short. "You're extra smug today - is there a new development in your brother's trial?" he moved around the desk and tapped the top of her laptop.

"Sort of," she straightened up in the chair. "Damian said this morning that he may have gotten a clue of where the missing security camera video went, but he hasn't updated me. I want to go down there and find it myself already. It's agonizing waiting."

"You do that and you ruin your brother. Is that what you want?"

"...no."

"Then what do you think you should do?"

"...wait," Montserrat answered in a low mutter.

"There you go. Now get out of my chair."

Montserrat rolled her eyes but this time she listened and stood up. "Is there something I should know about that chair, or…?"

"Yes, it's my chair. And...it's my chair," he said dead serious, thinking it was a fairly good reason.

She shut her laptop down and switched spots with him so he could finally take his seat. "While I'm here, I just have to ask something really quick. And I wouldn't ask because...I know this-" she gestured between herself and him, "-is brand new. Like 3 days new, but…"

"You could get on with it before lunch is over, you know."

Her expression went flat. "I have to make sure we're on the same page, okay? Kara's noticed I'm a bit more…" her left hand went in circles while she came up with the right word, "...happier?"

Rafael's expression immediately turned into a smug smile. "Really?"

"Shut up," Montserrat pointed at him. She didn't want that smug look to stay on his face forever, because she was sure he could do that.

"I didn't say anything-"

"-but your face says it all. But being really serious here, I didn't tell her anything."

"Montserrat, I never told you to keep it a secret-"

"-I know, I know," She folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the desk. "I would just like to know...where exactly we stand."

"You mean telling people or not?"

"Aha."

"That depends solely on you," Rafael rose from his chair, giving her a small smile. He was fairly amused by her sudden nervousness. "I have no problem letting anyone know to stay away from you- I mean that we're together."

Montserrat shot him a look. But even if she wanted to pretend to be annoyed at the comment, she couldn't because she felt the same way towards him. She didn't want anyone else going near him.

But then again…

"Well," she pushed herself away from the desk and stepped closer to him, "I kind of like this right now. No one really knows except for Sonny but he's an easy one to keep quiet."

"You mean because you'll scare him to death?"

"Yes," she grinned then leaned on him with her hands on his chest. "I really like how you think."

"Really? Because that's not what you used to say," he curled his hands over hers. "In fact, it was just one of the many things you used to hate about me. Like my attitude…"

"Still hate that, actually."

"And my voice…"

"Only just getting past it, really."

"And my mouth…"

"Still hate that," Montserrat wiggled one of her hands from his to tap one finger over his lips. "I really hate it, to be honest."

"Oh, you still do?" Rafael gingerly pulled her finger off his lips and wrapped his hand over hers entirely. Now he could truly relish in her warmth and her softness — these 3 days, though casual so far, had made him feel the best he'd ever been in such a long time.

"I still do," Montserrat tried pulling her hand from his but he had a tight grip on it.

"I guess I still have some work to do, then," Rafael brought her hand to his lips for a soft kiss.

"Work hard then," Montserrat chuckled. She watched as he wrapped one arm around her waist while his other hand freely went up and down her side. She actually hated that he had this effect on her when he wasn't really doing anything except touching her. What irritated her more was that she had yet to find something that gave him the same feeling. Yes, he did clearly enjoy their time together these past days but Montserrat felt like there could be more feelings than what he expressed.

In layman's terms, she felt like she needed to figure out what made him tick. That way, she could drive him crazy...like he drove her crazy.

Just as they shared one kiss, Montserrat's cellphone started buzzing in her pocket. "Sorry," she pulled the phone out and saw it was a text. "Gael's case. Damian thinks he might have found the place where the video's hidden. I have to run."

"Uh, is it...is it just going to be you and him?" Rafael really hoped that question didn't sound as awkward as he thought it did. He fully blamed Sonny for putting that idea into his head, but then he remembered what he saw in the courthouse 3 days ago and…

Sonny may have been right.

And he may have been jealous.

Montserrat still didn't have a clue about it, so she just nodded and casually answered the question with a 'yeah'. "Casey's meeting us afterwards."

"Ah."

Montserrat stuffed her laptop into her bag then noticed his unusual quietness. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Rafael went to take his seat again, but even that movement was unusually shifty.

Montserrat's eyebrows wrinkled together. She put her laptop down on the desk and looked at him again. "Are we...good?"

"Of course we are," he smiled softly at her. It was convincing straight away.

"O...kay," she nodded slowly. "So then, we've agreed to keep things...quiet?"

"Do you want to?"

"...kind of? I mean, I don't want to keep it a secret forever it's just...you know that whole blissful bubble thing that most people look down upon?"

"Sort of?"

"I really like the bubble," Montserrat tucked a curl behind her ear, pursing her lips together. "It's just nice and...free? Does that make sense?"

Rafael nodded, close to chuckling. "It does, surprisingly. I agree. At least for the time being, it might be better if we just keep things between us."

"Exactly," Montserrat strung her bag's strap over her shoulder. "Well, you know, except for Sonny but...we might just kill him to keep the secret."

"Exactly," Rafael pointed at her, making her laugh.

"You're supposed to warn me that this is the wrong place to say something like that and especially not to say it in front of you, a D.A?"

"Right," Rafael looked away as he pretended to remember that rule he himself told her a long time ago. But in the end, he shook his head. "I might be giving you some special treatments."

"As you should," Montserrat pointed. She moved to his side, leaning down only to press a kiss to his lips. "I'll see you later?"

"Please," he said, making it sound like a beg more than a response. That was a novelty for him too.

Montserrat smiled at him. "I'll call you later, then." She looked at him for a few seconds before surprising him with a second kiss.

Her hand curled on the back of his neck as she finished the kiss. Now Rafael didn't quite like surprises, but he definitely liked her surprises. He realized that very quickly.

"I really have to go," Montserrat said as soon as she pulled away and forced her hands away from him. If they touched him again, she wouldn't be able to leave anytime soon. "See you."

Rafael watched her leave in a hasty pace and despite having this idiot smile on his face, once he remembered who she was going to meet up with...it faltered. "Goddammit," he muttered.

~ 0 ~

Damian had explained to Montserrat very quickly what he'd found. And what he thought he had found, was pretty damn convincing. It had Montserrat pacing back and forth in her apartment's living room.

"You think it's in that storage room?" Montserrat asked for the third time since Damian had finished telling her the story.

"I think so," Damian nodded fast. "I was rewatching the security feed from that day and I noticed there was a janitor that I hadn't really...noticed before." He scrunched his face after realizing that was a terrible way to describe it. "See, I know everyone who works with me, from the top to bottom. I've never seen that janitor before."

"You think he doesn't really work there?"

"I think he wasn't even a janitor," Damian clarified where his thoughts were going. "Because he only appears in the day before the building fell apart. He doesn't even appear the day Gael made the last evaluation, even when he turns in the paperwork. He's just not there."

"I gotta find that guy," scowled Montserrat.

"Yes but let's focus on the main thing right now."

"You're right," Montserrat stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the coffee table, an act that would always have Kara on her back. "If we find that video and show them the one you found with that janitor who's not really a janitor...we can end this trial."

"Exactly," nodded Damian. "I'll just go head back after lunch and do that."

"But we can't let that person know you're onto them. You'll need someone else to look for it."

"It's fine. He's not there anymore. He was literally only there for one day, maybe two days max."

"Just because he's not there doesn't mean he doesn't have eyes or ears on us," Montserrat wagged a finger. "I can go in. Hardly ever seen me before in that place."

"Oh no, you can't do that. You heard what Calhoun said. If Geraghty finds out you were anywhere near there, she'll make it look like you planted the evidence."

"But I can't just stay away! I need to be there when we get that video."

"How's about a compromise, then?" Damian leaned forwards on the couch. "I'm the one who has to go in, but you can wait outside. And I mean some place where you won't get caught by a camera because we really can't mess this up for Gael. Not when we're this close."

Montserrat exhaled and nodded her head. He had the right mindset. She couldn't ruin this for her brother, especially when it just because she wanted to go in. It didn't matter who went in as long as someone came out with the damn video. "Okay, it sounds good. But I have to say I don't like the idea of you going in alone."

Damian smiled at her. "Worried about me?"

"Always," she said. "You're family and we always watch our back. Sme malí, ale mocní," she offered him another smile.

"I have no idea what you just said but it sounded good," Damian pointed at her.

"We are small but mighty," Montserrat translated the Slovakian phrase. "We're a small family but we are strong as hell."

"Okay, so how do you want to play this?"

Montserrat thought about it long and hard. She didn't want to risk losing Gael his case but she wanted someone she could fully trust to go in with Damian in case he got hurt. "I got it," she declared and rose from the table with a newfound grin on her face. "You can go in, but I'll be sending in my own help."

Damian looked at her wearily. He knew her idea face all too well, but sometimes they didn't end like she planned. "Who'd you have in mind?"

~ 0 ~

"Just go in, go directly to that room and then get out," Montserrat walked between Damian and a friend of hers. Said friend may have been from 1PP but she wasn't a detective yet, so…

Fair game?

Montserrat preferred not to think about it.

"Okay and while I do that I'm guessing your friend…" Damian looked over Montserrat's head to the slightly taller woman — an olive-skinned woman with shoulder length black hair, "...keeps a look out for me?"

"Yes," Montserrat nodded and glanced at the friend in question. "Andra's been training and she's an officer now, so…"

"You want me to keep him safe, got it," the woman nodded her head. She didn't understand much of what was going on but she did want to help Montserrat. "Officer Andra Moressy," she then told Damian. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Damian said, feeling more than reasonably awkward.

Montserrat stopped a few blocks before they reached Damian's job. "Okay, this is as far as I can go." She turned to the two. "You guys good? I'll be out here and if anything goes wrong just call me and I'll go, no matter what."

Damian put a hand over her shoulder, giving her one of those smiles telling her everything would be fine. "We got it, Montse. You didn't need to bring another friend, though. I can do this on my own."

"I just feel a lot better if someone else was with you," Montserrat smiled back, though not as strong as his was. She looked at Andra and sighed. "Sorry for springing this on you, I just couldn't think of anyone else that could go in without problems."

Andra waved a hand, indicating it was just fine. "Always good to have some practice, right? But can I ask...who exactly are we supposed to be looking out for?"

"Um…" Montserrat slowly slid her hands into her coat's pocket. "Some guy who pretended to be a janitor. He helped frame my brother and even though Damian says he hasn't shown up...I don't want to take chances. But if you see him, shoot for a leg because I was that bastard alive so I can ask — demand answers."

Andra wouldn't even point out how fast Montserrat's face had hardened. She got it. This was personal. "Okay." She looked at Damian with the same question he had. "You ready?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded. "Let's go."

Andra nodded again and started the way. Damian only lingered behind to give Montserrat a hug and remind her to stay away.

Now Montserrat knew this could be hours of waiting and the worst part was that she couldn't even call Damian to know how things were going. She'd busied herself at a small coffee shop, though she hadn't even drank what she ordered. At around five, late five, Montserrat got a text from Rafael. He was asking if she was alright.

She remembered she'd promised to stop by again later or call him. She picked up her phone to call, but then after thinking about it she put her phone back down. She couldn't involve him in this, not when it had the potential to harm his career and job altogether. It was exactly what he'd warned her months ago when he reasoned with her that they couldn't be together. She didn't want to prove him right.

After a few minutes of thinking again, she grabbed her phone off the table and responded with a quick text.

I'm so sorry, something came up.

Montserrat felt terrible lying but if she told him the truth he could try and stop her. But she definitely wasn't into the idea of lying so early in a relationship. I mean, every relationship has a little white lies but they definitely shouldn't have a big lie like this one. She sighed inwardly.

Two hours passed and Montserrat still didn't have a word from Damian. In that span of 2 hours, she did receive a couple more texts. One was from Rafael again asking if she was okay, to which Montserrat answered yet another short response 'yup' and moved on.

She might pay for that one later.

The second text was from Casey, asking where the hell she was because Calhoun was driving her crazy.

And the third text was from Olivia, requesting Montserrat read up on the latest case that had apparently turned into a staged night raid.

Out of those three, Montserrat felt like she could at least respond to Casey because that was the one that would get her into the least amount of trouble. And if it did get her into trouble, at least Casey would know what to do.

And in doing that, Casey came storming into the coffee shop 30 minutes later. "Montserrat Irene Novak, I cannot believe you are doing this!"

Montserrat straightened in her chair and, maturely, pouted. "Well, I didn't tell you so you could come and scold me."

"Someone has to!" Casey plopped down into the empty chair across her. She lowered her voice for the next time she spoke up. "Do you realize that you can lose your job by doing this? Not to mention lose your brother's case all together?"

"I'm being careful," Montserrat said quietly.

"Careful!?" Casey's eyes were wide with incredulity. "You're putting yourself in the wolf's den! If someone from Geraghty's team finds out that you arranged this, Montserrat I don't even know what the hell is going to happen to you."

"I don't care," Montserrat said bluntly and before Casey could scold her again, she explained, "I don't mean that as in 'I'm careless and I'm doing what I want' thing. I mean that as in someone framed my brother for a double murder and I can't let that go. Not when I have the means to prove that he's innocent and that he's been framed."

Casey sighed. "Montse, this is beyond dangerous. And do you even have proof of what you're saying?"

"It's the only logical reason for all of this," Montserrat made a gesture. "Gael is not careless in his job. He says he checked everything in final evaluation and I believe him. He would never let anyone get hurt us because he chose not to do his usual routine. Someone had to have framed him for this."

"But why? Why would someone do that?"

"I don't know," shrugged Montserrat. "But if we find the guy who did it, we can sure as hell ask them."

For a long moment, Casey stared at her cousin. Like Damian, she recognized Montserrat's idea face and feared the results. This wasn't an ordinary idea, nor an ordinary situation. It was a huge risk she was taking.

"Alright, fine," Casey sighed. "I guess we can wait here."

"Casey, you don't have to. I know it's putting my job on the line, you don't need to risk yours."

"But I do. Because my cousin is an idiot," Casey smiled so casually while Montserrat rolled her eyes. "So, might as well order a coffee. How long have you been here?"

"I'm going for nearly 3 hours now."

"Long wait," Casey understood then picked up a menu. Like Montserrat, she ended up ordering a vanilla latte. "So, how's life?"

Montserrat couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously?"

"Well, it's a long wait! I don't want to spend it in awkward silence."

Montserrat had to laugh one more time.

"Seriously. You do seem a bit chipper than usual, especially since your brother's facing trial for murder."

Montserrat no longer laughed but there was a secretive smile that Casey recognized fairly fast. "I'm good."

"You're hiding something," Casey pointed a wagging finger at her cousin. "What is it?"

"Something good, don't worry about it."

"Now I'm worrying. What are you hiding, Montse?"

"I said-" Montserrat leaned forwards on the table, "-don't worry about it. You'll know later in the future."

Casey narrowed her eyes on her cousin. But, before she could respond, Montserrat gasped at something behind her.

"Damian!" she practically scrambled to get out of her seat.

Damian and Andra had come rushing in, like they'd been running all the way there.

"Thought I might find you in here," Damian pointed at the chalkboard sign announcing Vanilla Lattes were half off. "You love those things."

Montserrat rolled her eyes and moved onto better things. "Did you get it!?"

"I found it! I found the missing video!"

"Seriously!?" Montserrat's entire face lit up like a series of fireworks. That was the best thing she'd heard as of late, with the exception of one other thing but that was for her and Rafael to know.

"Yeah. It was hidden through the old files that needed to be archived which - honestly - was a pretty good hiding spot considering no one wants that job!"

"So you've got it!?"

"Aha!"

Montserrat laughed in utter joy. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. "The charges are going to be dropped!"

"Yup!"

"That's great," Casey got up from her chair, smiling like they were but she seemed more level headed than the pair. "So we should get that evidence logged in for trial tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Montserrat pulled away with a newfound scowl on her face.

"It's past five and by the time they actually get the charges dropped, it'll be way too late for tonight."

That put a real dampener in Montserrat's mood. She drew away from Damian and turned to her cousin. "But we need to get those charges dropped now."

"I get it, Montse, but we can't really…" Casey trailed off once she began to see Montserrat's impatient face. Even if she did spend 5 minutes lecturing about the rules and process, Montserrat wouldn't be listening to her at all. "Oh fine, let's go."

And just like that, the smile and beam was back on Montserrat's face. "That's more like it!"

Together, they sought out Calhoun to loop her in but as soon as she heard the news, she had a good go at Montserrat for her 'wrecklessness'. Montserrat couldn't say that she listened, nor that she cared. Of course it was Calhoun who put some sense into all of them as she started going off with the actual process to get the charges dropped. However, Calhoun was a fool if she believed Montserrat would leave her alone. Between the night before and the next morning, she had all of them working to put the evidence together so that first come tomorrow Gael would be a free man. If Calhoun had to say it…

"You are the most irritating woman I have ever met," she spat as she walked alongside Montserrat down a hallway. "And don't forget I've handled your squad's petty cases. And Rafael Barba altogether."

"Yeah, it's not the first time I hear that," Montserrat had her biggest smile that morning. "And I've learned to live with it."

Calhoun came to a stop outside an office door then turned to face the slightly smaller detective. She was used to handling all of the SVU detectives but it turned out Montserrat had enough to be the entire squad. "Can you keep yourself calm while I go in there—" Calhoun pointed at the closed doors behind her, "—and do my thing? Is that possible?"

Montserrat rolled her eyes. She might have been bouncing on her feet but she could definitely sit still for a few minutes while the two lawyers spoke with the judge on the trial. "Yes, of course. Just tell me that it's finally going to be over now."

"Yes, I showed Geraghty the last of the evidence and we've gotten the judge to listen to us before the trial is supposed to go on. So just, stay here and don't do anything."

Montserrat barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. Calhoun was speaking to her as if she were a child. Instead of responding to that, Montserrat only gestured for Calhoun to go inside already. As Montserrat waited, she saw her family, along with Damian and Kara, coming towards her.

"Hey, where's Calhoun?" Casey immediately started looking around for the woman.

"She's already inside," Montserrat pointed to the shut office doors behind her.

"Do I need to…?" Gael's pointed finger at the doors was shakey, as expected.

"No," she smiled at him. "You just stay out here and wait for Calhoun to give you the good news."

"I still cannot believe you disobeyed Miss Calhoun's instructions," their father still had the same scolding look on his face as he had when Montserrat first told him the previous day.

"It's done, Dad," Montserrat waved him off.

"And if we hand't done it, then we wouldn't be here right now," Damian added.

"Dad's still right, you guys risked yourselves too much," Gael shook his head, but soon Casey was shushing them.

Geraghty was coming up to them, looking none too pleased. "Morning." Even her greeting was sour.

"Geraghty," Casey flatout smirked at the woman. She kept her word that she would enjoy the moment Geraghty was forced to drop the charges.

Geraghty ignored her and the others as she walked into the office.

"She seems lovely," Kara remarked in a low mutter.

"She's a bitch," Casey turned to the group with no sense of regret of her vocabulary.

The meeting between the two lawyers and the judge lasted only fifteen minutes and when the lawyers emerged, the group could clearly see who won and who lost.

"You're free of all charges, Gael," Calhoun declared with a wide, proud smile. For a moment, it matched Casey's face.

Gael erupted into laughter, along with the others. They hugged and hugged until they heard Geraghty's scoff.

"Oh just admit, you lost," Casey told the woman. "I did tell you that this case wasn't going to last."

"That's great and all, but I do want to remind you people that someone made that building crumble. People still died."

"Yeah and we'll let Homicide take that over," Montserrat reassured but she definitely was beginning to see why Casey didn't appreciate the woman. "But you have to admit that you had the wrong guy. You put my brother through hell — his daughters too."

"What do you want from me? An apology?" scoffed Geraghty. "I was just doing my job."

"No, you were doing my job which I will happily take back now," Casey waved a goodbye. "I actually catch put the right person on trial."

Geraghty rolled her eyes.

"I hope you do," Gael spoke up for the first time. Geraghty still laid harsh eyes on the man but he didn't care. "Because that guy — whoever they are — planned this. They wanted to hurt people and threw me under the bus. You need to catch them."

"Like your sister said—" Geraghty made a lazy gesture at Montserrat, "—I'll let Homicide take over." She strode off without saying another word.

"Seriously, she seems lovely," Kara turned to Montserrat with a flat face. She was so glad that she didn't have to work anywhere near these types of people.

"I don't care, I just know that I'm finally free of any charges," Gael smiled so widely it could crack his face in two. "Miss Calhoun, I am very thankful for what you did."

"Yeah, now I can't really hate you," Montserrat dramatically sighed, making Calhoun roll her eyes.

"I'll remember that next time when we meet," Calhoun pointed.

Montserrat couldn't help but smile. "Thank you," she said, genuinely meaning to thank the woman for everything she'd done for them.

It was a strange sight for Calhoun but she gave a nod of her head and went on her way.

"Okay, now we can celebrate right?" Damian's expression was slowly turning into a smile.

"Yes, absolutely yes!" Gael nodded.

"I know a place," Kara raised a finger in the air. "If you guys are interested…"

"Please, lead the way," Gael gestured for her, making the others laugh with him.

Kara suggested they mainly go to a bar since drinking is all they wanted to do. Sure, they might have a meal here or there, but they mainly wanted those celebratory drinks.

However, Montserrat couldn't exactly celebrate all the way. She was into her third drink when she saw a couple at the counter sitting together. And suddenly she remembered she'd practically blown off Rafael's texts from the previous night. In all her excitement, she'd completely forgotten anything and everything that didn't have to do with her brother.

I am a terrible, terrible person, she lowered her drink to the table.

"What's up with you?" Kara was the one to notice how incredibly pale Montserrat had become all of a sudden. "You're white as a sheet."

"I just...I just remembered I…" Montserrat bit her lower lip and thought how to best word her problem without giving it away. She'd never really kept a relationship away from her best friend, and right now she really wanted to tell Kara.

"Montse?" Kara asked again. She looked over to her brother, Gael and Thomas. They'd gone up to the counter for a quicker service. Casey had left for the restroom. "Should we call it a night already?"

"No, no, absolutely not," Montserrat shook her head.

"Then what's wrong?" Kara's smile was encouraging but when she saw how much Montserrat was struggling, it began to fade. "Are you okay?"

"I'm...seeing someone," as Montserrat had said those words, she realized what it meant.

Kara, for her part, blinked for the first second or so. "Come again?"

"I'm...I just...started a relationship and I've already messed up," Montserrat pushed her glass away, as if that was the root of her problem. "Seriously, a 3 day thing and I've already blown him off."

Kara was trying to understand the fact at some point her best friend had initiated a relationship and she completely missed it! She put a hand on Montserrat's arm and forced the ginger to look at her. "You're going to have to explain this cos I'm not understanding it."

At this point, Montserrat figured she might as well say it. If Rafael was to be mad at her, it should be grand. Ignoring the logic of her reasoning, Montserrat rambled, "Three days ago Rafael and I pretty much said 'let's go for it's and he texted me yesterday 2 times asking me if I was going to stop by his office because I told him I would stop by and of course, since I was busy waiting for Damian to get the missing videos, I responded with a very short message saying something came up. And then he texted me again later in the night and I completely forgot to answer and now he hasn't texted me at all. Or called." Montserrat drew in a deep breath after everything was out. "How much trouble do you think that'll be?"

Kara shook her head. She was still trying to catch up. "Wait a minute!"

"Kara, please file all this under 'freak about later' and just help me right now. I'm nervous!"

"Just go, you idiot," Kara made a 'shoo' motion with her hand. "Don't think about any text or any calls. You messed up now you go and see him. Like face to face."

"I'm a little afraid…"

"I'd be too if that's who I chose to be with-"

"Hey!"

"You know I'm kidding," Kara waved her off. "But seriously, we'll talk later. You need to go."

"You think Gael's going to be upset if I leave?"

"Umm…"

Montserrat followed Kara's gaze back to the counter where she saw her brother happily drinking with Damian and their father. It almost looked like they forgot they were even there. "Okay, that's my cue."

"Good luck," Kara held two thumbs up. "You'll need it. How is he when he gets mad? Like properly mad."

"I don't know," Montserrat stopped to really think about the question. Sure, she'd seen Rafael get upset over a case or even with her but...a proper anger? That one was still unknown to her.

"How do you not know? You've pissed him off countless times - frankly, I'm surprised how this even worked in the end."

Montserrat rolled her eyes at the sarcasm. "Thanks, Kara. You're such a great help."

Kara smiled. "You bet I am."

Montserrat grabbed her things and left before it became even more late.

~0~

When Rafael heard the light knock on the office door, he expected it to be Carmen, or at least Olivia with some new turnout on their latest case. But, when he looked up from his papers, he found Montserrat nervously standing under the doorway.

"You're mad and you have every right to be," she stepped inside.

Rafael put down the glass of scotch he'd been nursing while undergoing the terrible load of work at the coffee table. "I'm not mad," he clarified.

"Yeah, you are," Montserrat walked over and plopped down next to him on the couch. "I mean, you should be…totally blew you off yesterday."

"I'm not mad," Rafael insisted, now even smiling a bit out of amusement. "I'm annoyed, yes, but I'm not mad."

Montserrat searched his face for any indication of the opposite, but that damn smile didn't appear angry in the least. "... you're not?" he shook his head. "But...you didn't text anymore, nor call."

"Look Montserrat, I'm not the type of person to blow up someone's phone because they didn't answer my calls or texts. I will probably never be that guy, actually."

"Still, regardless, I'm very sorry. Something did come up-"

"-I know. Your brother's charges have been dropped."

Montserrat blinked in genuine surprise. "What? How did you know?" She hadn't even told anyone from SVU yet.

Rafael loved her reaction. It was hard not to laugh. "I got a call from Calhoun earlier in the day saying I owed her big time. Apparently, you are - and these are her words, not mine - truly the most annoying woman she has ever met. Congratulations, I didn't think it was possible to irritate that woman more than I do."

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes, though there was a hint of relief that things weren't as bad as she thought they'd been.

"I'm really happy your brother is free, though. Although I'm wondering how it was that he got free…" Rafael tilted his head at her, eyes carefully reading her shifty movements. "Calhoun mentioned you found the video…"

"Um, well, technically Damian found it. I waited outside."

Skipping over the fact she'd spent her entire day with Damian, Rafael wondered to what extent Montserrat involved herself in something as serious as interference. "You were told to stay away from their job."

"I was told many things," Montserrat pressed her hands to the hemline of her dress, acting as casual as possible.

Rafael shook his head at her. "I don't think I need to point out the big risk you took, right?"

"No," she shifted on the couch to face him, "I know. But you also know that I was getting desperate. When Damian told me he had an idea of where the video was, I had to do it. If there was a chance to prove that my brother was framed, I was going to take it."

Rafael stared long and hard at her before nodding in agreement. "Yeah you were." Because if he was in her shoes, he'd probably do the same thing.

Montserrat smiled in relief. At least she wouldn't be getting the same lecture from him too. Her brother, father and Casey all drilled her earlier. "And that's why I like you," she declared with the context of her thoughts backing her up. She got up only to sit again but on his lap this time, draping one arm around his neck. For a moment, it seemed like Rafael was frozen but Montserrat soon realized he had a lingering stare on her legs.

"Oooh, I think I finally found what makes you tick," she said with a growing smirk on her face.

Once Rafael knew he'd been caught he rolled his eyes in an attempt to be casual. "Don't start."

"Oh, but I will," she grinned as she crossed her legs. "I know to wear more dresses now."

"It's not funny," he insisted but the fact he kept looking away from her made it all the more amusing.

"I'm going to jot this day down as the day I got you flustered."

Rafael exhaled and concluded this was probably how their relationship was going to work. No matter, he'd figure out a way to get her back. Right now though, he admitted that having her sit on his lap was mesmerizing. He could smell her perfume, her sweet scent drifting towards him and, no doubt, setting on his clothes and skin.

"I almost forgot, I didn't know if you liked brownies but I did stop by my favorite place for some if you want a taste," Montserrat languidly pointed at her bag sitting at the corner on the couch.

"I do have a sweet tooth, actually," Rafael's admission had her nearly laughing. "I'm being very serious here."

"You just don't look like the type," she shrugged. "You want to dig in, then?"

"Sure...after I finish this," he had leaned forwards — making her do the same in the process — and reached for his glass on the table. As he was sitting back, Montserrat surprised him with a kiss on the cheek.

At his expression, she chuckled. "What's that face for?"

Rafael awkwardly cleared his throat. "What face?"

"The one you've been making each time I do something to you. Are you — are you not okay with me…?" she moved to get up but Rafael quickly pulled her back. "Okay, that's a 'no' so…" Montserrat tilted her head and studied him for a minute before realizing something. "When's the last time you've dated?"

"Are you saying I'm inexperienced?"

"Oh no I don't doubt that you are experienced. I'm just asking if it's been a while since you've last dated. And if the answer is 'yes' then I am more than prepared to remind you of the goodness that comes with dating." She leaned her body closer to his with the smuggest yet sweetest smile on her face. Rafael didn't think that was possible. "So, has it been a while?"

"...maybe." Now Rafael had to fight the urge not to roll his eyes at her growing smirk. She made it real hard not to want to bicker with her, but — if he was being honest — he preferred this way. If she wasn't who she was, the way she was, things would be so incredibly boring.

And Montserrat was far from being 'boring'.

"I'm not so shocked," Montserrat swiftly took the glass in his hand. She ignored his expression while she drank it down. He'd only been holding it so she might as well finish it for him.

"My profession doesn't exactly give the best time for dating. I've had a few dates here and there but nothing serious. I think my last serious relationship was back in college with Yelina."

Montserrat scrunched her face at the mention of that woman. "Nope, please don't talk about her with me. I don't like her." She put the now-empty glass on the table then looked back at him with an expression that left no room to even consider if she was joking or not.

"I should really tell you that she talked to me afterwards, explaining that she didn't mean any trouble…" but Rafael trailed off as Montserrat shook her head.

"I'm sorry, I just don't like her. And it's not even because of what happened but...it's because of what she did to you before, with Alex's trial. I don't like anyone — I won't like anyone — who tries to hurt you. That's final."

The smile that spread across Rafael's face was automatic. It'd been a long time since someone cared that much for him. He touched her face, feeling her soft, warm skin. He let his fingers wander down to the back of her neck to bring her in for a kiss. Montserrat quickly wrapped her other arm around his neck and gladly pressed her chest to his while they kissed. A couple seconds later, her muffled laughter filled the air as she'd felt Rafael's hand press over one of her legs and seemed to slowly be making its way up.

"So much for being subtle," she said after pulling away. They both needed to catch some air. Rafael wouldn't apologize for that one, not when she was smiling like that. "So, you want to start on those brownies?"

"Sure," he agreed and reached for the forgotten bag. He handed it to her and watched her eagerly pull it open to find those brownies she loved so much. "You know, maybe we can go out to dinner this week."

Montserrat paused just as she'd found the brownies. "Dinner? Like…a date? Our first date?"

"Yeah," Rafael nodded. "I hadn't asked because I knew it wouldn't be right while your brother was going through a trial but since he's good now...let me take you out for dinner. Maybe this weekend?"

Montserrat beamed. "Yes, of course! I would love to have dinner with you."

"Perfect," he matched her smile with his own.

"Just one more thing. I may have told Kara about us — sorry!"

"Wait, what—"

She pulled him back for another kiss.

[hxseok-honee]

peripeteia | part 3

>> This water’s cold as fuck! <<

previous | next

tag list !!

@lilacdreams-00​ @deepseavibez​ @heonsbebe​ @robinbaum143​ @lys009​ @catbugsugarpea​ @nogitsune-sama​ @hobisanie​ @cosmicdaylight​ @butterflylion​ @heyitsnguyen​ @x-useobwa-x​ @instantspot​ @livelovesurfdreams​ @nam-jonie​ @bubblegumcat229​ @my-chaos-in-stars​ @gustavkonrad @siredjoonie​ @nebula-winter​ @krissykiwi​ @theunknowncryptid @celiasoti

a/n : hope you guys enjoy!! i wrote this shit at 4am and it took a lot of turns i didnt plan on originally but it just be like that sometimes -- lmk what you think!

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“You certainly took your time.” Namjoon calls out to Y/n just as she’s turning the corner into the corridor leading out to the castle grounds. He’s leaning against the wall, his silhouette stark against the moonlight streaming onto the bridge behind him. Y/n makes her way to him, choosing not to point out that he seems a bit breathless, as if he’d raced to get to her -- the thought, however, puts a smile on her face. 

“I like to make you wait.” He rolls his eyes, and she knows he’s not upset by the way he turns his head and fights to hide his smile. She continues, pointing out toward the bridge. “Taking a stroll on the grounds?” He stands to his full height, tilting his head to look down at her. 

“That depends -- do you have any authority on the grounds, Head Girl? Or is it just inside the castle walls?” Y/n levels him with her glare, taking a step toward him. He mirrors her playfully, taking a step back and bathing himself in moonlight when he crosses the threshold of the castle wall and moves onto the bridge. Never once does he take his eyes off of her. 

“Are you asking, Mr. Kim, because you want to avoid the detention I’ve already written for you?” He laughs loudly, shaking his head and turning away from her. He responds as he wanders down the length of the bridge, not bothering to check that she’s following him.

“Actually, I’m asking because I’m wondering if you can get away with taking a stroll yourself.” He turns to face her again, walking backwards and noting that Y/n’s followed him without thinking, her hand running along the walls of the bridge while she looks out at the Black Lake. At his question, she stops, planting her feet firmly as she shakes her head. 

“It’s not on my route for tonight.”

“Then change your route.” Y/n sighs, giving him a disapproving glance. 

“It’s my first patrol, Joon. I can’t. What if the Head Boy figures out I’m gone?” Namjoon raises his eyebrows in question.  

“Where’s the Head Boy now?” She hums, pulling her phone out and checking the schedule. As she scrolls through her phone, she’s vaguely aware of Namjoon coming close, hovering over her to look at the schedule with her. She becomes extremely aware, however, of the sheer amount of warmth he radiates, heat falling over her in a way that leaves her head strangely foggy and her thoughts elsewhere.

“--listening? Y/n?” Lifting her head, she meets Namjoon’s confused gaze. 

“Huh? Oh yeah, sorry. I was just thinking. What was I saying? Oh, right! The schedule…” Namjoon watches as she scrolls through her phone, wondering what had caught her attention. He doesn’t get a chance to ask. She’s started talking again. 

“Oh, okay, he’s by the kitchens tonight apparently. I guess he’s taking that half of the castle and I’m over here…” Namjoon cheers, and Y/n sighs as he reaches out to her, taking her wrist in his hand and dragging her out toward the grounds.

“That means he won’t even know you’re gone, that’s perfect!” Y/n rolls her eyes, but doesn’t stop him, letting him lead her away from her route.

“Okay, but can we make it quick? One of the prefects might see us through a window or something.” Namjoon sighs, and Y/n watches the back of his head while he scolds her for worrying too much.

“Can’t you just enjoy this nice little walk with me? It’s a beautiful night!” He releases her wrist, spreading his arms out and spinning slowly, smiling up at the moon before meeting her eyes. He notices she’s pointing down at his hand, the one that hadn’t been holding her.

“Then why’d you bring that sweater?” He lifts his left hand, shrugging as he looks at the blue and silver knit sweater.

“The castle gets chilly at night--”

“But you were going to come outside anyway, and it’s not that chilly out here--”

“I was preparing for you to say no to my idea--”

“Are you sure you brought that for you?” Namjoon scoffs, throwing her a look of disbelief.

“Does it look like I brought it for you?” Y/n keeps her eyes locked on him, raising an eyebrow for emphasis. He finally cracks under her gaze, sighing in annoyance and tossing the sweater to her.

“Whatever, just don’t get anything on it.” He walks away from her in a hurry, wandering down to the lake. Y/n is sure by the shake of his head that he can hear her laughing. She hurries down to join him, singing playfully at him as she goes.

“Namjoon likes me, Namjoon likes me!” He hears her chant and can’t stop himself from yelling out at the lake in frustration before turning to her.

“How did they make you Head Girl? You’re a child!” Y/n doesn’t say anything about the redness around his ears, choosing instead to tug on his arm, pulling him closer to the lake. Releasing him, she jogs the rest of the way to the edge of the water, calling out to the giant squid and joking that maybe it’ll hear her and come to greet them. She bends down and dips her fingers into the water before, rather enthusiastically, yelling back toward Namjoon.

“This water’s cold as fuck!” Without a second thought, she’s slipping on the sweater in her hand and wrapping her arms around herself, realizing and just as quickly pushing away the thought that Namjoon smelled a lot like firewood and fresh ink. On the edge of her consciousness, replacing her previous and mildly embarrassing thought, she registers a pleasant feeling seeping into her body. It starts slow, then emerges quickly, crashing over her like a wave -- the feeling of adoration. It’s an emotional trigger that her body has come over time to recognize as her soulmate’s. It overtakes her for a moment, then fades to allow her own body’s emotions to return. It’s been happening every day since she was 11, but she’s never been able to get used to it. She’s heard before that no one ever really gets used to it, the force of someone else’s emotions a shock to the body every time. 

Breathing deeply in order to process that wave of emotion, Y/n turns her head and finds that Namjoon’s settled onto a cluster of rocks not too far away, and, more interestingly, that he’s already looking at her. He pats the spot next to him before leaning back on his hands, gazing up at the sky. Y/n makes her way there, hopping carefully across rocks in order to get to him. She only realizes that he’s watching her out of the corner of his eye when she miscalculates her next step and slips, her arms reaching out to grab hold of something. 

In the time it takes her to yell out for help, her hand is being gripped and she’s tugged roughly in the exact opposite direction that she’s been falling. Against her will, she faceplants into something warm, the dull sound of thumping filling her ears, much like a heartbeat. It’s followed by a rumble of laughter, and she realizes that this something smells a lot like firewood and fresh ink. Pulling back, the first thing Y/n notices is how long Namjoon’s eyelashes are, and that’s how she knows she’s very close. 

“Thanks.” She breathes out the word, still a bit in shock, but most certainly not from the fall. It’s as if she’s hyperfocused on his eyes -- those eyes that fold into half moons when he smiles -- but her own eyes are drawn just as quickly to that very smile. That very smile which reveals his dimples as if they’re secrets of the universe. That very smile which pulls her attention to his lips like a magnet, so much so that she can feel herself leaning into it, encouraged by the fact that he’s not pulling away --

Wait. What the hell am I doing? 

Y/n blinks hard and stops, putting her hand of Namjoon’s chest to steady herself. He blinks in just as much confusion before pulling his head back and releasing her as if she’d burned him.

“Uh--” He steps back, breathing hard as he thinks of something to say. “Maybe we should--”

He’s about to suggest that they head back into the castle, but a note being slapped to his forehead cuts him off. He pulls the note away from his face, turning it to read the word DETENTION stamped across it in bold letters. Lifting his eyes, Namjoon takes in the sight of Y/n half-sprinting across the grounds toward the castle, and he can’t help the breathy laugh that escapes him. Shaking his head, he glances back down at the detention slip before laughing fully, shoving the note into his pocket as he makes his way slowly back to his room.

“This girl, I swear…”