#the orc speaks

[sugarcoatednightshade]

Humans are Space Orcs story where humans are known for our storytelling and acting abilities. While these talents are somewhat respected, there’s a major stigma against humans because we’re also the best liars.

“Humans don’t actually feel anything at all, they just mimic emotions to trick others into believing them”

“Never trust a human. They lie like the rest of us breath”

“Humans spend so much of their lives acting, it’s impossible to tell when they’re being truthful”

“In human culture, great respect is awarded to ‘actors’ who are able to mimic other persons and emotions with startling accuracy”

“Some ‘actors’ are able to ‘perform’ hundreds of unique characters”

“Acting is so ubiquitous in the human culture that many consider it polite to lie”

“Sarcasm is a common, casual game played between humans, where one human says something untrue and the other human must guess what truth they are thinking. Humans unable to perform this ritual are often ostracized by their peers”

“If you see a human crying, do not immediately assume they are hurt. Humans have been known to use their ‘acting’ abilities to trick unsuspecting travelers into giving up an unreasonable number of belongings”

“All interstellar travelers are required to read up on popular ‘scams’ or ‘cons’ performed by humans in the region they are traveling to”

[renguro]

[human-facts]

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT HUMANS ARE MADE OF STARDUST. INSIDE OF EACH OF YOU ARE CHEMICALS ONLY OTHERWISE FOUND IN SUPERNOVAS AKA GIANT RAINBOW DEATH EXPLOSIONS.

NO MATTER HOW MYCH YOU HATE YOURSELF, NO MATTER HOW MANY MISTAKES YOU MAKE, NO MATTER IF YOU THINK YOURE NEVER GETTING BETTER PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ALL OF YOU HAVE REMNANTS OF GIANT RAINBOW DEATH EXPLOSIONS INSIDE OF YOUR APE FLESH BODY. YOU ARE AMAZING.

[lovelesslittleloser]

Tbh this has been on my mind for MONTHS

Human codes… but they’re not actually codes??

A small group of humans is discovered by some curious aliens. Both sides can assume that the other is sentient. The aliens are trying to translate the humans’ language to their own, and the humans are trying to learn the aliens’ language. But since humans are tricky, they’ve decided that they don’t want the aliens to know their language, so they can have secret conversations.

So they go a little crazy. With written words, they randomly use lowercase and capital letters, even using numbers and symbols, and use a lot of slang, occasionally using words incorrectly on purpose. They’ll jumble the words a bit so that only human brains can guess their meaning (that thing where if you use all the letters and put the proper letters at the beginning and end it’ll be comprehensible), and even use additional or unofficial languages (commonly known words like ‘hola’, ‘si’, ‘oui’, etc, and piglatin, in which you typically take the first letter or syllable of a word, place it at the end, and add ‘ay’ to the end).

As for spoken words, they will do a bit of the above, mashing languages and slang, perhaps mispronouncing a few things, and quoting memes, vines, movies, and even singing parts of songs to throw off the aliens. Perhaps they will say something with a somber meaning in a joyful way to throw off the meaning, or even just naturally (‘I wanna die!’ ‘Mood’), or vice versa.

Additionally, there would have to be a TON of body language. Maybe even sign language, should they know any. Gestures and expressions, eyebrow wiggles and poorly-hidden grins. Ah, the beauties of communication.

[imidnightrosei]

ASTARION SPEAKS ORC????

BTW this is from dnd and beyond they made character sheets for the 6 origin character!

[pinacoladamatata]

I found the digital deluxe character sheets....

did....did y'all know Astarion speaks... not only abyssal but also. orc?

Gale;

Karlach;

Lae'zel;

Shadowheart;

Wyll;

[jeeaark]

Greygold may not be proficient in religion but they are proficient in embarrassing their religious friends

[stubz]

Fenrir smiled as he watched his little love work. He came to surprise her with a dinner date after work but it seemed like there a few stragglers left. Not that Kim or the children minded too much, the little children giggled as they ran from a playfully roaring Kim.

Glyka he has had the honor of meeting before, the youngling truly lived up to his name for he was sweetness itself. Sasha and Rubi on the other hand were new so he had not yet been properly introduced.

"Run Sasha! Run or she'll get you!"

"Yesh!"

The little children ran as fast as they could, well as fast as Sasha could, Glyka and Rubi didn't want to leave their friend behind for the 'monster' to get. Just as any good warriors should do!

"Ra! I'll gobble you up-oh shoot!" Fenrir winced as he watched his little love slip on a stray toy and tumble backwards.

"I'm okay! Just uh, gonna take a moment. Friggin Legos..."

"Quick let's hide."

"Yesh." "Ye."

As far as Fenrir could tell, the two little humans were still learning how to speak. Which was surprising as they looked to be about 4 years old...he thinks. Human children are so much smaller than orc children so it's hard for Fenrir to accurately guess ages.

For the most part the two rarely said a word other than the handful that they could confidently say like 'ye(sh)' which was yes and 'no' which was obviously no. Despite this, Kim and Max managed just fine as did the other children. Never were the two excluded from games, always asked yes or no questions, they were treated like everyone else by both the younglings and teachers.

Said little children scurry over towards where Fenrir sits on the ground and hide behind him. The orc's massive frame easily hiding the three of them.

"Mister Fenrir, can we hide here?" Glyka whispered.

"Yes you may Glyka, actually, hold on." Taking out his folded up cloak, the orc puts it on and drapes it over the children behind him. "Stay still and Ki-Miss Kim won't find you." he shuffled to make sure everyone was covered.

"Thank you."

"Merci."

"Cпасибо."

"...Вы говорите на моем языке?" he peered under his cloak the children. "Je ne pensais pas qu'on enseignait la langue de la noblesse orque ici." he spoke to Rubi.

For a moment no one spoke until Sasha and Rubi began speaking non-stop at the same time.

"Vous parlez français!" the little girl beamed.

"Вы говорите по-русски!" the little boy giggled.

"Athea peut-elle venir à mon anniversaire?"

"Вы можете поднять машину?"

"Uh, wait, по очереди. Soulever une voiture?"

"You speak French and Russian?"

Finally Kim had gotten up from the floor and came to investigate the blanket orc fort.

"French and Russian? But this is orcish, Sasha speaks the common tongue and Rubi speaks the nobility tongue."

"Oh that's so cool! Are you sure our species never had contact with the other before? Cause French and Russian are the official languages in the countries they're from. Rubi is French and Sasha is Russian, they're still learning English."

"...I thought they just couldn't speak yet. I thought they might be toddlers still." he examined the two, lifting them up to his eye level. The children giggled and spoke to him in their respective languages.

"No hon," she laughed. "they're 4 years old. They just need to spend more time with the others and then they'll be talking in no time...but it seems like I'll be roping in Athea and the others to spend more time with them now. Do they also speak the nobility tongue?"

"Yes, titles mean little now but the language is still taught. Athea and the others would be happy to spend more time with Rubi and Sasha. I imagine they'll be quite happy to speak in our native tongue more with friends." he smiles.

.

When the children were picked up Sasha and Rubi eagerly dragged their respective parent to Fenrir. Kim fought back a laugh at the wide eyed looks on the moms when seeing the 8 foot tall orc speak fluent French and Russian.

Talk was made, numbers were exchanged, calls on speaker phone done, and now Athea is attending Rubi's birthday as her friend and as Sasha and Glyka's translator. The boys were already invited but this will make things easier for everyone, specifically the parents.

While Fenrir and Kim left for their late dinner date a thought came onto him.

"You don't speak French or Russian. Nor does Max."

"Yep, although he's learning Spanish and Japanese."

"But...how did you communicate so perfectly with them then? Not only the language barrier but they also just rarely spoke the few words they know."

"Body language and gut feeling. We have translators for human languages but most of them only work if you can type what you want to say meaning children their age can't use them. So me and Max mainly have to rely solely on body language sometimes feeling."

"I guess when you live in a world with thousands of languages you need to."

"Yep. Sometimes I wish we only had like 5, I could learn 5 languages."

"I like your diverse world though. So many cultures and stories. Each one unique and wonderful. Just like you." he grins leaning down to kiss the top of Kim's head.

"...well...I don't actually wish that. Specially now." she smiles.

[rjalker]

you can still have gender in a species that's monoecious, reproduces asexually, or even is just physically incapable of the normal means of reproduction, you people are just fucking obsessed with biological essentialism and the white supremacist ideal of gender.

[an-eldritch-peredhel]

You are the daughter of an angelic faerie and an elven king. You have grown up inside the only magical safe-haven of an increasingly apocalyptic land outside. You have wanted for nothing, essentially leading the perfect life, suffering and death playing little role beyond the abstract. Your father will never die, and your mother will never leave, but for tradition you are still crown princess and are educated as such. You love to dance and to sing.

You meet some kind of monster inside your mother's borders, a monster not of her or your making. It stumbled across you, dancing in the forest, bloody and travel-worn and weary and wide-eyed as it stares. You are stronger than it, but you run rather than lunge for the kill. You feel pity, more than fear. And something about him makes the part of you that you inherited from your mother sing.

He tries to follow you, for a year and a day. You are stronger, and faster, and stealthier, and you let him see you sometimes anyways. You are not convinced that he is not a monster, but nor are you convinced that he is.

Spring blooms again to the tune of your song, and you let him get closer than before until you run.

But you hear him speak for the first time. He is a speaker, and perhaps to him you are the monster. You do not run, and you do not kill.

He calls you "Tinuviel"

He calls you nightingale- a little songbird, plain and brown, with a lovely voice. They are your mother's creation, but he does not know this.

He calls you daughter of twilight- perhaps for your skin and eyes and hair, but perhaps because that is when he has seen you most.

He calls you singer- creator of the very fabric of the universe, skilled enough to deserve the title.

You are the most beautiful creature the world will ever see, the daughter of an angel and a king. He does not call you beautiful, or angelic, or princess. He calls you a singer, plain and brown, dark and distant as the approaching night.

He is bloody and travel-worn and weary and wide-eyed as you dare to step closer.

He called you nightingale.

You don't know what to call him, but you hope to find out.

[imaybe5tupid]

Postcanon. Mithrun passes away before his brother, but still lives a really long life considering the enormous physical and mental strain his body endured in his younger days. Mithrun left his restaurant to his brother in his will (his brother was paying for significant portion of operating costs the whole time) , and since his brother’s kids are now grown, his brother has passed on his title to them prematurely and decided to retire to live in Melini with his partner. Unfortunately for the new Executive Chef at the restaurant, since Mithrun’s brother doesn’t speak the common tongue, he’s started just going around speaking in Elvish to people all over Melini, expecting them to understand 😭

[sugarcoatednightshade]

thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.

And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.

And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.

And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?

Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.

Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.

[sparring-spirals]

how better to describe my love for the Mighty Nein than "one of my favorite episodes was the one where they needed to stealthily climb up/get down a fucking huge tree only for it to get Very Loud And Chaotic Very Fast Due To Competitive Tendencies And Poor Decisions".

Except that describes TWO completely separate episodes (and trees), one involving romantic shenanigans, a baby roc getting hit on the head with a staff, and a shitty leaf costume, and the other involving a good ole footrace and also a bullet to the ass. No, no enemies had a gun.

[human-facts]

Fun fact: there are poems in the 1600s about breakups. There is one ancient poem specifically about a dude getting sick of a lady rebuffing his affections and being done with her. Humans have been screaming about the same things as long as humans have existed.

[rewrittenwrongs]

It is late and I am quite tired so this might be incoherent but alien music. Alien instruments and alien anthems. Alien nursery rhymes. You know how certain pitches and tones just sound sad? To some other race they sound happy. Things that sound uplifting and happy to us use notes that are sad and melancholy to them.

[yoditopascal]

Need someone to draw Wolverine as a cute ass orc right tf now 🔫😤