#the only real socialization i've had is stressful
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
hey!!! this is my first time requesting but recently i've been rewatching my fav show ever: gossip girl. and i thought it would be super fun to see the blue lock guys with someone like blair waldorf đ¤đ¤ idk why but i just REALLY wanna see how the guys put up a rich popular mean girl. it can be with any guy: isagi, kaiser, nagi, etc. if you're unfamiliar with gossip girl or blair waldorf you can just ignore this. its cool đ
âđąđ¨đąđ¨, đđĽđŽđ đĽđ¨đđ¤âđŹ đ˘đ đ đ˘đŤđĽâ

a/n: i watched a little bit of gossip girl so i tried my best and kinda improvised đ
ft. isagi yoichi, kaiser michael, nagi seishiro, mikage reo, itoshi rin, itoshi sae, shidou ryusei, karasu tabitoÂ
isagi yoichi
bro had no idea what hit him. he was used to kind, down-to-earth girls from back home, so when you called his sneakers âtragicâ on your first meeting, he literally blinked and thought you were joking. you werenât.Â
âyouâre cute. a little scruffy. i could work with this.â and just like that, isagi's entire world view shattered. he's now frantically googling "how to be hot enough for a girl who looks like she drinks champagne at 8 AM."Â
heâs the kind of guy who tries to compliment you like: âyouâre really smart, you know?â âof course i am, i graduated valedictorian and made half the school cry at prom. stay in your lane, isagi.âÂ
but youâre also his biggest fan. when he scores a goal, you're in the stands with your designer sunglasses, clapping politely like: âwonderful, baby. now make sure that benchwarmer doesnât breathe on you next time, i donât like his aura.âÂ
he takes it so seriously. he tries to understand fashion, reads vogue once, and nearly buys a $600 scarf because you offhandedly said you liked hermès.Â
youâre basically his villain origin story and true love in one.Â
kaiser michael
oh he loves it. he sees your chanel bag, your passive-aggressive smile, and your confident walk like you own the stadium? manâs already 10 steps behind you, hooked.Â
âyouâre the meanest girl iâve ever met,â he says, practically swooning. âand yet here you are, following me like a lost poodle.â âi like it when you call me names.âÂ
you guys flirt like you're in a war room. constant sarcasm. constant power plays. itâs like watching two CEOs fight over a hostile takeover, except itâs lowkey hot.Â
kaiser tries to outdo your insults: âthose earrings are almost as shiny as your ego.â âand your brainâs almost as big as your mouth. almost.â everyone else is just quietly sipping water like itâs a live fire hazard.Â
you insulted ness ONCE and kaiser has never laughed harder in his life. he now purposely brings ness around just to watch the chaos. âheâs not that bad,â kaiser shrugs. âhe gives beige. walking beige.â (i am so sorry to all ness fans for this)Â
power couple energy that scares people. he buys you diamonds, you buy him real estate in your heart and lease it monthly.Â
nagi seishiro
at first? he found you exhausting. like. why are you wearing heels on campus. why are you roasting people. why do you look expensive all the time.Â
âyou stress me out,â he groans. âyou need the stress. you dress like youâve given up.âÂ
despite that, he finds himself slowly addicted to your attitude. itâs probably the way you pat his head like a house cat or how you insult his posture while fixing his hair.Â
youâre dragging him to brunches he doesnât wanna go to, throwing his hoodies in the trash (âthis is not loungewear, itâs a cry for helpâ), and making him carry your shopping bags.Â
he complains the whole time. but he always shows up.Â
secretly loves how you baby him after being mean: âugh, youâre so slow.â âwanna sit down? iâll get us smoothies. only because you look pitiful.âÂ
nagi would literally lie down and let you walk over him in 6-inch louboutins and go âworth it.âÂ
mikage reo
he thought he knew rich girls. he thought he was the rich girl. but then you stepped in with your curated social calendar, custom hair appointments, and the social finesse of a lioness hunting gazelle.Â
âwow, iâm in love,â was his first thought when you said, âmikage group stock dipped. tell your father to stop embarrassing us.âÂ
the two of you are like the new money vs old money clash. both rich, both hot, both evil. youâre his competition and his soulmate.Â
yâall host charity balls and ruin reputations. you show up at his games in full designer couture and call the press coverage âlow-resolution peasant work.âÂ
reo lives for your sass. sometimes heâll start a fight just to hear you drag him: âyou think you're better than me?â âof course i am. i'm prettier and my skincare routine could fund your backup soccer team.âÂ
he's the only one who can keep up with your social chessboard. double dates? gala invites? preposterous vendettas against other power couples? heâs in.Â
someone once called you a gold digger and reo bought their house just to evict them. true love.Â
itoshi rin
the emotional whiplash he got from being into you? insane. he likes quiet girls, calm girls, and then thereâs you, fashion goddess with an icy tongue and sharper eyeliner.Â
âyou donât like me,â rin said once. âi like your face. not your attitude. we can work on the second one.â and thatâs how he became your confused, angry, emotionally constipated boyfriend.Â
you bring out his inner softie by force. you wrap a scarf around him and say, âyou look like an art student. tragic, but fixable.â and he just⌠blushes. violently.Â
he gets mad when you flirt with the waiter for extra olives, but you always nudge him under the table like relax, baby, i only want you (and he does relax⌠eventually).Â
he lowkey likes when you boss people around. you're the only one who can order him to sleep and live to tell the tale.Â
once you told rin he couldnât wear that dumb hoodie to your tea party brunch and he glared for 45 minutes, but showed up in a polo shirt anyway.Â
âdo you even like me?â âif i didnât, youâd know. iâd ruin you.âÂ
itoshi sae
when you first met sae, you looked him up and down and said, âeurope aged you well, you finally look like you can afford my attention.â he blinked once and knew he was in love.Â
he pretends you annoy him. he says you're dramatic, your voice gives him migraines, and your shoes are too loud. but he shows up every time you call.Â
he's obsessed with the way you carry yourself. so untouchable. so self-assured. you walk into a room and act like you're the main event, and he respects the hell out of it.Â
you once called a rival player âa discount model with bad bone structureâ and sae couldnât stop thinking about it for three days. it awakened something.Â
his phone is full of candid pics of you looking expensive. when heâs bored, he scrolls through them and smirks like, yeah. thatâs my girlfriend. she could ruin a manâs career with one tweet.Â
âyouâre a menace,â he says. âand youâre obsessed with me. now kiss me, loser.���Â
the sexual tension when you argue is vile. people think youâre about to break up, but actually youâre deciding where to go for dinner.Â
shidou ryusei
oh heâs feral for you. the moment you insulted his entire personality and told him he smells like axe body spray and prison energy? he fell to his knees spiritually.Â
âyouâre like, pure evil,â he grinned. âiâd let you stab me. tongue first.âÂ
he flirts with you like heâs asking to be slapped. purposely gets on your nerves so youâll yell at him. calls you âbabycakesâ and âtiffany tantrumâ just to see your eye twitch.Â
one time you said, âif you bark at me again, i will get you neutered.â he moaned. in public.Â
you let him walk one step behind you like a trained rottweiler. he loves it. you pull him by the chain necklace and he follows you like a delinquent on a leash.Â
but behind the chaos, heâs protective af. someone looked at you wrong once and shidou was like, âshould i bite them or burn their house down? say the word.âÂ
and you? you just sip your $17 latte and go, âno need. their outfitâs already embarrassing enough.âÂ
karasu tabito
the minute you called his shirt âlast seasonâs mistake,â karasu gasped like a real housewife. âexcuse me???â he choked. and then immediately started flirting with you.Â
he lives for the drama. you say something savage and he clutches his heart like âdamn girl, say it again, but slower.âÂ
he tries to roast you back, but your comebacks are so polished and ruthless that heâs usually left standing there blinking like an iphone on 1%.Â
heâs a gossip. heâll come up behind you like, âso whatâs the tea today, queen of the upper east side?â and youâll be like, ârumor has it bachira's dating someone with no fashion sense.â âNOOO. not our funky boy falling into the polyester trap đâÂ
you guys are a power duo. you show up to events dressed like enemies-to-lovers characters. he holds your bag when your earrings are too heavy. you fix his collar when heâs trying to act cocky.Â
karasu thinks it's hot that you're high-maintenance. âdemanding girls keep me on my toes,â he says. âbesides, i like being bossed around by someone with nice legs.âÂ
he once joked that you were scary. you looked him dead in the eye and went, âiâm not scary. iâm selective. and youâre lucky.â he hasnât stopped thinking about it since.Â
Š đ¤đąđŹđđ đ˘
#blue lock#blue lock x reader#bllk#bllk x reader#blue lock headcanons#isagi yoichi x reader#yoichi isagi x reader#itoshi rin x reader#rin itoshi x reader#itoshi sae x reader#sae itoshi x reader#shidou ryusei x reader#ryusei shidou x reader#kaiser michael x reader#michael kaiser x reader#nagi seishiro x reader#seishiro nagi x reader#reo mikage x reader#mikage reo x reader#karasu tabito x reader#tabito karasu x reader#xoxo blue lock's it girl
400 notes
¡
View notes
Text
old acquaintance asking to play video game =w=
desperately needed respite in my fragile psyche holy shit
#irl#you ever go through the cycles where things feel good and bad and good and bad#i had a small community of people i could call friends with no asterisks and no qualifying statements#no âthis is my work friendâ just this is my friend from years ago#we are still friends and i still feel like i know them#and it drifted away#and the nature of my work means my coworkers cycle out pretty consistently#and i just happen to not like any of them right now#i don't dislike them#but i also had a small stream community and streamers i looked up to#and it has been such a social desert for about 6 months#the only real socialization i've had is stressful#i would call it more obligatory exposure to semi hostile humans in a strictly hierarchical format with me on the bottom#since i got promoted to this quasi management role#its not worth it#but if i still had my friends it'd be okay#but they've spread out and schedules change and family commitments happen#and my problems are not their problems so i just wish them the best and move on#but holy shit has this little relief made it clear how starved i am#no one has wondered about me for like 180 days#cw vent
0 notes
Text
I fucking hate being traumatized because why am I bawling the hardest I've bawled in god-knows-how-long because someone I didn't even like that much berated Me. gasping wailing trembling and snotting over this for several minutes.
#personal#sanism#abuse mention#child abuse mention#I'm still not entirely done crying really. I'm just trying to stop and calm Myself. not doing well at the moment#because someone on the discord server mentioned trump's inauguration and I basically said 'I don't like trump either#but it's still important to keep pushing for change. who's in office doesn't change that' and he just. immediately escalated the situation#accused Me of not caring about oppression. I explained Myself further but he told Me to go fuck Myself and capped it off with#'you already admitted to being a fucking narcissist so why would i want to be around you' (exact quote BTW)#and I just can't stop sobbing. I don't know if I've cried this much since I was 13. I keep having to pause My typing because I start crying#I didn't hate him but I wasn't attached to him either. it's just that I have so much fucking trauma along these lines#so many instances of My mom putting words in My mouth. getting short-tempered with Me over benign remarks that I didn't understand#because I'm autistic. dismissing My opinions. making Me hide My feelings and issues from her#because she's made it clear that she doesn't trust people like Me#it's made Me have so much trouble handling even friendly social interaction. I've only just learned how to do that#I just can't handle having that same mistreatment forced onto Me by anyone else. especially with so little warning or build-up#and what makes Me break down even worse is the fact that I know I'll have to deal with him again#he wasn't even punished while this was happening. despite the server owner and other mod being online. the owner just said 'stressful day'#and the other mod started talking with a regular user about how it was uncalled for once he had already left the conversation#nobody even checked in on Me. even though I stayed online for a good half-an-hour afterwards. I only just logged off a few minutes ago#because the notifications from unrelated conversations started overstimulating Me#regardless. I don't even want to see him again. I don't want to be in the same server as him I don't want to talk to him I don't want to#but it's not a real formal server. it's a 'friend group.' and they've shown before that they prioritize keeping the peace#over actually punishing hostility. just a week or so ago I told them I wasn't comfortable with them using the R-slur#and someone freaked out over My complaint being 'politically correct' and left. he was brought back just a few days later. and before that#he had already derailed a previous discussion I tried to have about the word by sending gifs featuring it and redirecting the conversation#that sucked but at least it wasn't outright triggering. but I just can't stand the thought of having to be around someone#who treated Me so much like how My abuser has. that's the most I've ever had to relive My trauma because of someone else#that's the most anyone has ever mirrored it to Me. I just can't stand it but I know I'll have to be around him#I don't even know if he's gonna apologize. he's made it clear how little he thinks of Me as a human being. PLUS
8 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Anyway, if you're wondering why I'm not posting any art: I am literally struggling to survive. This is the most stressful time I've ever had in my life and I have worked several jobs while managing a household and caring for a family member before. This might truly break me and I am NOT easy to break.
I barely sleep, I have no time for physical exercise, I have more to do than I can possibly ever check off my to-do-list and adding to that, people are being truely awful and testing my patience, which is literally running so thin you can see through it like it is a window you just cleaned.
I'm having heart issues and permanent headaches, that's how bad it is. I slept a total of 1 hour this night. I'm permanently nauseated. Oh and to top all that off I'm poor and my only weather-appropriate pair of shoes has been falling apart for about 3 months now and I still haven't been able to buy a new pair.
#this is because of hustle culture#a education system and social system built for the rich#and the ignorance of people from less fortunate backgrounds#i remember I regularly ate food that was technically expired as a child#I walked around in clothes that were too small and patched and froze my ass off in the winter when other parents could get their children#when the public transport didn't happen and we had to wait an hour in the freezing cold#but my parents only had one car and my dad needed that to get to work because he left the house before I was even up and came back after#dinner time#People don't understand that I've experienced enough stress to fill a lifetime#These people are so privileged that they're not even aware what real stress is#I had someone who doesn't work while studying#and lives with their parents#complain that uni is too stressful atm#I mean yes#it is for you too#but my god you don't have any idea what its like for everyone else#okay#rant over#anyway#fuck capitalism#and whatever postcapitalist dystopia we currently live in#Eat the rich
2 notes
¡
View notes
Text
CW: 18+ MDNI, soap x reader, unsolicited nudes, pushy behaviour, implied noncon elements - 1K words, semi-edited - dividers -> @/cafekitsune
Anxiously sending in an offer for a kitchen appliance youâre in dire need of via an online social media marketplace, only for the seller- JTav87, to reply instantly.
The notification comes when youâre taking a curious peep at his info. His proflile makes him seem nice enough- real 'the cool uncleâ vibes. The page's display picture is a snap of him grinning ear to ear with one of his big paw-like hands at his chest in a thumbs up gesture, the other being obscured behind the lid of an outdoor grill; a family gathering in full swing behind him.
It's all topped off with the stock photo of a beach at sunset as his header, the poorly stretched image sporting a sprawling near-unreadable quote about resilience smack-dab in the middle, gratuitous high contrast vignette filters over everything as a little banner pops up at the bottom of your screen; a message from the seller.
âI cn do tht.â
you hastily type out a reply in fear of the purchase somehow getting delayed or cancelled.
âYouâre a lifesaverđI've been searching high and low for one of these!â
Being too friendly was your first mistake, you just wanted to make a good impression- it seemed harmless at the time.
The pickup goes off without too much of a hitch- you meet up as requested in the well-lit parking lot of a generic chain cafe, puffing out cold breaths from behind your jacket and nursing a warm beverage you had managed to grab. Stepping out of a beat up pickup, you come to find that heâs a lot bigger than his pictures would have you assume, not shockingly tall, but his overall aura and bulk make him seem like a giant. His bare arms splay outwards, stretching the fabric of his ill-fitted tee in a gesture that almost had you worried he was going to go in for a hug- thankfully, a firm handshake seems to suffice.Â
âOch! Yerâ handsâre baltic!â he exclaims with a blinding smile, rosy tips of his ears and nose being the only tell he was affected by the weather himself as he claps his other hand around yours, rubbing them together to create heat. It's an action that nearly had you spilling the drink in your free hand as you stagger a bit in response to the contact- something he seemed to either not notice, or not mind.
The real kicker was the way he refused to take your money, hemming and hawing about how you should be saving that money for stuff you need- as if the appliance you were purchasing wasnât that exactly. âAâhm not gonna take yerâ money- aâhm tâfond of yeâ.â
whatever that means.Â
It's good you didnt pay, evidently. When he had loaded it into your car- having the gall to laugh after you asked if he needed help, mind you- he had forgotten the cord that made the thing work, offering you a lovely little surprise when you finally got home.
On queue, there's a muffled ding from the device in your pocket.Â
âforgt 2 brng cord. srry xâÂ
your eyes could have rolled out of your head; suffice to say, you weren't impressed.
âI really needed this tonight, had baking I needed to do for a party tomorrow đŤ¤weatherâs too bad for me to go out again tonight.â
âcn drop off at urs if u wnt?â
Had you been in any other situation, this would have been a hard no- sadly however, your stress and desperation leads you into letting the heavyset man worm his way in through your front door as if he owns the place, cord bunched up and hanging out of his back pocket while he kicks the snow from his boots with a saintly smile.
Surprisingly, the drop off is quick- only interrupted by him asking to use your toilet as you're distracted with pulling out baking supplies. Before you know it, heâs back on the icy roads again. You almost wish you had offered him some coffee or tea-
 Almost.
When the morning sun bleeds through your curtains, you pick up your phone to find a notification from JTav87.
âHve a grate day xâÂ
You frown and ignore the message as you start your day, but it only seems to embolden him into sending you countless more, the tone of the messages becoming increasingly more romantic as time draws on- some of your work friends at the office party even ask you if there was a new beau in your life when you had made the mistake of leaving your phone face up atop the breakroom table while you ate.
The final straw between you, your peace of mind, and the block button comes that night with a handful of alarmingly explicit voice messages in your inbox, promptly followed by a very-much so unprompted video of him shirtless and moaning while he chokes his swollen dick in a vice grip- all done over a familiar bunched up pair of underwear that you know with certainty had been at the top of the hamper in your bathroom.Â
Little is left to the imagination when he snatches up the stolen garment, bringing it to his nose, face just out of frame as his chest expands in response. His audible fist-fucking and jerking hips get more frenzied as he gives one last brutal tug all the way from his base to the head, hand flexing as he aims his shot at his phone, cum coating the counter space directly in view of the camera.
His spent cock bobs and drools, stomach muscles contracting wildly as he leans back into the wall behind him; taking a moment before reaching forward to stop the video, searing the image of his hazy, wolfish grin in your mind.
His free hand gets busy sopping up his mess in your underwear as the screen flashes back to the clip's first frame, offering you the prompt to watch again.
It would later become apparent that blocking could only do so much to seperate you from a mutt like John MacTavish- especially when he's privy to your home address.
1K notes
¡
View notes
Text


Iâm posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is: Â
I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (Iâm now 39). A lot of people thought I couldnât be autistic. Some people who know me in real life still donât. And until around 10 years ago, I didnât think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM. I was â and am â an empathetic artist -- and make believe? I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction â though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag. Even so, how could autism describe me? I was a good student. I got straight A's. I didnât act out in class. I can make eye contactâŚif I must. And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right? Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?
If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is â instead of the nonsense Iâd seen on screens â I would have seen myself in it. I didnât hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them: sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, Iâm deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction â even social interaction I enjoy â and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak. It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these arenât all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, itâs definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once.Â
So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance. It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator â a job I fell into largely because it didnât require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day. But it shouldnât be like this. It shouldnât be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldnât be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities.Â
Itâs commonly said that if youâve met one autistic person, youâve met one autistic person. This is why itâs called a spectrum, not because thereâs a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs. No two people on the spectrum present in the same way. And thatâs a good thing! No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I donât â or can do things I canât â doesnât make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.
But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic. I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway. I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day. More often than not, the barriers Iâve faced werenât due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing. My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isnât what they thought â and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.
If youâre interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:
What I Mean When I Say Iâm Autistic by Annie Kotowicz
We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia
Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess
Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD
Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom
Neurotribes by Steve Silberman
(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think itâs important for people to know how often autistic children were â and are â abused simply for being neurodivergent).
Thanks for reading đ
2K notes
¡
View notes
Text
kiss it better | oscar piastri social media au
pairing: oscar piastri x first responder!reader when oscar crashes into the barrier at monza, he thinks he sees his guardian angel, in reality he's just got a concussion and that's a first responder, but it's the thought that counts.
f1

liked by arthurleclerc, liamlawson and 1,206,700 others
tagged: oscarpiastri
f1: woah. huge shunt for oscar piastri in turn three. the australian was pulled out of the car by first responders and is getting treatment. red flag for now.
view all comments
user1: omg like my breath was completely gone, i hope oscar is okay
user2: holy shit that's the worst crash i've ever seen i'm so glad they aren't replaying it
user3: i tuned in late and i knew as soon as they didn't replay it it had to be bad
user4: thank the lord for the first responders, they were so fast i hope oscar is good
user5: i'm gonna need netflix to take the backseat on this one i can't take the dramatic editing this is already stressful enough
user6: the grosjean crash was bad enough, i can't deal with it with oscar
user7: are there any updates yet?
user8: not yet.
user9: i'm sat in the grandstand right where this was and it was literally so scary, the first responders literally had to jump on the car
user10: so so lucky that they were stationed so close to where he crashed
oscarpiastri



liked by landonorris, yourusername and 1,309,761 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: first of all i'd like to thank everyone for their support and well wishes, i really appreciate it. it's actually thanks to y/n and the rest of the first responders that i'm back on my feet as fast as i am. big thank you to y/n for sacrificing her ability to shower comfortably to help me out of the car and avoid the flames, i am eternally grateful and mama piastri would like you over for dinner to thank you.
view all comments
user9: i'm so so happy he's okay, that crash was so scary
landonorris: glad to hear you're okay mate !
oscarpiastri: you can't get rid of me that easily norris
landonorris: woah, no joking about dying when you've only been discharged for 24 hours
oscarpiastri: sorry, skipped over that one in my contract
danielricciardo: make sure you always read that mclaren contract carefully
user11: thank you y/n for your service
user12: for real she put her leg on the line for oscar she needs a raise
yourusername: it was my pleasure to do my job and help you out oscar. and i'll always take up an offer for a mum's dinner
oscarpiastri: she'll be very happy to hear that
yourusername: text me the details and i'll be there
user13: it's so crazy to me how f1 drivers just get up and walk out of crashes like that
user14: no for real how is the medic more injured than him đ
logansargent: you are so lucky there were no cameras when you were on painkillers cause you were talking some shit
oscarpiastri: please don't remind me
logansargent: just because there weren't cameras in the room doesn't mean i didn't record you, i look forward to my birthday present this year
oscarpiastri: you wouldn't
logansargent: you wanna bet?
user15: so like how bad do we think what oscar said was?
user16: and how much do we need to pay logan to release it?
mclaren


liked by oscarpiastri, yourusername and 609,778 others
tagged: landonorris, oscarpiastri & yourusername
mclaren: after her heroics in the first half of the season, y/n finally took oscar up and is a guest of mclaren this weekend. as a medic, y/n is one of the most important aspects of a race weekend, and it's an honour to host her!
view all comments
user17: did oscar write this caption? that man was BLUSHING in the fan questions video
user18: awwww mama piastri is also there this weekend and in a load of the pictures in the paddock they stuck together
oscarpiastri: so happy to see you again y/n !!
yourusername: my pleasure, oscar. racing is a lot more fun from the garage
oscarpiastri: i'll try my best not to crash this time, i know my favourite medic isn't on duty
yourusername: oh wow what a title, i'll wear it with pride
user19: they're such dorks i love them so much
landonorris: can someone get me some popcorn, i'm enjoying watching oscar squirm and blush all weekend
oscarpiastri: i am NOT !!
landonorris: don't worry i'm sure y/n finds it cute
oscarpiastri: can you please STOP !!
yourusername: not to prove lando right but it is very cute
user20: lando is taking his big brother role a bit too far
alexalbon: you were right @logansargent this is fun to watch
logansargent: oh just you wait until you find out the stuff he was saying in hospital
oscarpiastri: please stop telling people
alexalbon: from what i heard she was right there @yourusername what did he say logan is being a good friend (for now)
yourusername: considering i literally fried my leg getting him out i don't remember most of that day
alexalbon: UGH you people are no help
yourusername: ???
oscarpiastri: ???
yourusername



liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 2,560 others
tagged: oscarpiastri
yourusername: no pulling this one out of a burning wreck this weekend đ
view all comments
user21: omg oscar's smile ??? i am faint
landonorris: do i mean nothing to you?
yourusername: i am literally oscar's guest let me rep him in peace
landonorris: booooooo if you're going to wear his number might as well ask him out while you're at it
yourusername: mind your business, i know what i'm doing
user22: Y/N?????????
oscarpiastri: i see you know my angles already, can you come every weekend?
yourusername: i'd love to but i have a lil thing called a job :(
oscarpiastri: boring, can't you be my full time personal photographer?
landonorris: and his girlfriend?
oscarpiastri: do you mind?
landonorris: what? i'm just trying to help
oscarpiastri: you are MEDDLING
yourusername: you guys done?
oscarpiastri: yes
landonorris: NO
user23: lando is a no 1 y/n x oscar shipper he's so real
user24: y/n is so much stronger than me i'd hand in my notice right this second
yourusername: believe me i would if i could
landonorris: to both options?
oscarpiastri: LANDO STOP
yourusername



liked by alexalbon, oscarpiastri and 19,056 others
tagged: oscarpiastri
yourusername: happy to be your guardian angel baby x
view all comments
user29: new f1 parents just entered the chat
landonorris: i'm taking responsibility for this happening, youâre welcome
yourusername: stop right there buddy, this was all ME
oscarpiastri: nuh uh it was ME
yourusername: i asked YOU out?
oscarpiastri: technically yes, but i asked you to dinner first
yourusername: actually, if i remember correctly that was your mum
oscarpiastri: FINE you asked me out and i'm very glad you did and you ARE my guardian angel and you ARE way out of my league
landonorris: you said it i didn't
oscarpiastri: LANDO LET ME FLIRT IN PEACE YOU NUISANCE
landonorris: woah, you've changed bro
yourusername: are we finished boys?
landonorris: yes, and for real i am very happy for you guys
user30: lando saying he made this happen is the most lando thing ever
logansargent: can you tell him to stop ignoring me now?
yourusername: soz under strict rules not to fraternize with a traitor
logansargent: I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T HANDLE SPICE
user31: at least logan is self-aware
oscarpiastri



liked by aussiegrit, yourusername and 702,443 others
tagged: yourusername
oscarpiastri: sometimes all you need to do is flip an f1 car into a barrier and burst into flames to meet the love of your life (and give her third degree burns)
view all comments
user32: OSCAR WITH A BACKWARDS CAP TEACHING HER TENNIS SOMEONE CALL 911 I AM NOT OKAY
landonorris: okay we get it now you guys are cute
yourusername: for someone who was 'the reason we got together' you've changed your tune
landonorris: yes i am glad you have each other but that doesn't change the fact that i am LONELY and don't need to see gross couple stuff
oscarpiastri: you poor baby
landonorris: NO SYMPATHY?
oscarpiastri: i'm gonna cite all of your tomfoolery in the other comment sections
landonorris: okay fair
user33: okay but can we promise to never have a crash like that again?
yourusername: agreed
aussiegrit: happy for you kid
oscarpiastri: thank you mark :)
yourusername: so this is mark... hi?
aussiegrit: don't worry i've heard nothing but wonderful things about you, i look forward to meeting you at the next race
user34: y/n already has all of the approval oh wow
yourusername: i love you dummy (never do that again or i'll never talk to you again)
oscarpiastri: you got it, wins only from now on đŤĄ
yourusername: ur the champion in my heart
oscarpiastri: đ§Ą đ§Ą đ§Ą
logansargaent



liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 304,788 others
tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri
logansargeant: public shaming is good sometimes. though now i third wheel with only a fish by my side
view all comments
user35: i am SCREAMING
yourusername: oh florida boy, your time will come (don't put that fish pic on your tinder, i know you want to)
logansargeant: girls love fish?
yourusername: trust me they don't
logansargeant: is this just because oscar is bad at fishing?
yourusername: DELETE IT FROM YOUR TINDER PROFILE NOW OR THIRD WHEEL FOREVER
user36: what is going on here?
alexalbon: god logan this is tragic, how did you expose him and end up with a fish as your date
logansargeant: but is the size of the fish not impressive?
alexalbon: no, take y/n's advice
oscarpiastri: fine, you're forgiven. only because y/n found it cute, if she found it weird it would be you found at the bottom of a lake
logansargeant: ???????????? there was a chilli oscar
oscarpiastri: stop hiding behind your american passport, i'd eat that chilli for you
logansargeant: but it all worked out?
oscarpiastri: thankfully for you
yourusername: is it bad that this is kinda sexy?
logansargeant: he threatened to murder me?
yourusername: he's so protective đŤś
oscarpiastri: hehehehe thanks babe x
logansargeant: i give up.
note: WOAH two in one night? i am on a roll. anyhow, do enjoy, i love oscar so much so glad he extended !! xx
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#oscar piastri instagram au#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri x reader
4K notes
¡
View notes
Note
i wasnât here when tma reached the height of its popularity (i only joined last year) so could you describe the Vibes (how bad the drama was, did it feel like there were too many people, etc.)
only if you want to :]
I've said this before, so this may be a familiar spiel to longer term followers, but 2020 tma fandom was honestly not the worst fandom I've ever been in, it was just by far the biggest thing I have ever been actively into at peak popularity and so the 1% of insane people that are found in every fan space were 1% of a much bigger total population. most people were fine and chill, but there were a vocal minority who Weren't.
major ingredients in the discourse pot:
from my observations, tma had a small but devoted listener base for its first few years, then it got a little bump in mid 2018, then a considerable bump in late 2019, then hit proper virality in early 2020, so there were a lot of people with hipster complexes about being Real Fans who were there first and weren't just part of the masses.
at this point I'm not even sure if this part was true, but the above was compounded by the perception that the earlier og listener base were mostly adults and the new wave of fans were mostly tweens and teens. whether the different waves actually fell along those age lines or not, a lot of people felt like the fandom was split into 80% Cringe Zoomers Who Are Here For Ships And Memes and 20% Millennials and Gen X'ers With Media Literacy Who Are Here For Horror. nice dichotomy, idiot, now what lies outside it, etc and such and such. our blessed fandom etiquette vs their barbarous dni lists.
which isn't to say that suddenly having a huge number of people, including young people, become interested in a single piece of media at a time of global stress where everyone had to be much more online and the content of the media itself was at its darkest and most socially relevant had no downsides. oh no. Oh No.
"my headcanon is not only objectively the best headcanon but it actually invalidates all of yours and if you hc something different then it's an act of bigotry against my Correct Headcanon." / "I have drawn up a list of Good Characters you have to like and aren't allowed to criticize and a list of Bad Characters you have to hate and can't acknowledge exist unless it's to make fun of and completely condemn them." / "I saw her username in the kudos of a jonelias fic" "girl what were YOU doing in the kudos of a jonelias fic" / "this latest episode handled a social issue unforgivably badly, I haven't experienced it myself but the vibes were off, everyone demand accountability and boycott the rest of the show" "hey that one was actually based on jonny's personal experiences" "ah fuck not again. well boys let's remember this for next time. this latest epis--"
honestly most of the discourse was down to like two or three friend groups. there was one group of people who you will probably remember if you were there at the time whom I have sometimes seen referred to as the Clown Gang. Clown Gang were ground zero for a good 90% of fan discourse ("hcing melanie as ace is ableist and lesbophobic" "fan content that focuses on jon's asexuality is biphobic. what's pansexuality I've never heard of it." "desolation tim aus are inherently ableist and racist"), but eventually they had a big falling out with Clown Prime and things calmed down. to be very clear I hold no ill will towards any of these people for four year old bad takes, hence why I'm not using any names, but god was it a time.
and this is only about the tumblr side of things. I was barely active of twitter so idk what it was like there but I was on tiktok for about a year during that time and the vibes were wildly different. iirc people there were less confrontational and there wasn't really a callout culture like on tumblr, but the extremes of the takes were FAR worse.
226 notes
¡
View notes
Text
"Public domain Sunder" outside of Tumblr (How my project art runs away)
This is NOT a general Sunder! As cool as he looks, he belongs to me and Mynametia/ Inishira (Instagram)!
I want to talk about how reposted art causes harm. It has been stressful to see and I hope fellow artists can sympathize or empathize. And please, if you base art off this Sunder, credit the project Transformers: Mercy!
Firstly, I've heard both "you're niche and unknown" or "you have a big following so watch your mouth"
It feels mean either way... :( Like the jab takes whatever stance is most convenient.
Bottom line: I don't consider myself special. I am just a very hard worker. The only reason I have gotten as far as I have was my hours of daily work for years on my project and YouTube channel.
I am awed when I reflect on how far I have come. Growing my social media platforms, working with 100 different artists from all over the world, commissioning comic artists like Alex Milne and Livio Ramondelli for posters, getting interviewed, collabing, or having shoutouts on other YouTube channels, sitting on panels at TFcon in front of hundreds (although it was t e r r i f y i n g) and getting to talk to them about Transformers: Mercy! And this year, I will be selling Mercy merch at a table at TFcon in the art gallery!
So I don't think I am niche anymore... I don't think my project Transformers: Mercy is. Over the years it has become very widespread with art posted on blogs across social media platforms. As I will discuss, maybe too widespread in one wrong way.
But... there is a long way to go to completing the project. I have about 1000 images now. That's insane! This is no tiny lil project. And I am gunning for 1000s more to make this TFP fan-made sequel. But, I have to pay so so much out of pocket despite making less than minimum wage most months. I need a lot of support to make this big dream possible. Thank you to all who have already helped me thus far.
I think I am just writing this post to clear the air. I am honoured deeply by fanart or fanfictions or fan animations people have created for Transformers: Mercy. It is very motivating and heartwarming and helps me keep up the pace of working hours every day on this project.
I don't mind inspiration being taken from my work. It is an honour. My project draws inspiration from James Roberts' MTMTE and would be nothing without his appealing takes on characters. We may critique MTMTE but where would we be without his Whirl, Rodimus, Drift, Ratchet, Pharma, Cyclonus, Tailgate, Chromedome, Rewind, Swerve, Overlord, DJD, etc.? I carried on from him, others may carry on from me.
A while back, I never meant offence when pointing out one animation of Sunder had features that looked eerily similar (to me) to the Sunder of my game. The reason I got a jolt of horror stems from the fact that this project has fallen victim to reposts on places like Instagram, Pinterest, Reddit, the fan wiki, and other TF forums with zero credit to me or the artists. The growing popularity of Mercy art has also caused it to appear in general searches for IDW or TFP characters. This is why if you search "Transformers Sunder concept art" you are likely to see Mercy Sunder right there but uncredited. So you would see our art but not know what it was for. And Mynametia/Inishira (the artist) did such a good job that it even looks like IDW concept art. It can be mistaken for official content.
But it's not. It was created for my project with very specific features to match my story. A project which costs so much of my time and money and it needs all the donations it can get. It is loses support when its art becomes popular with no tie back to this project. It is still a project in development and is therefore vulnerable.
Transformers: Mercy, after all the years, has become a famous project. But it is a struggling project due to the high financial cost. It is made with ok not blood, but real sweat and tears as I have pushed so hard to make it this far. It has been emotional. It even brought me the love of my life, my spouse.
I want to continue to work on it, the largest Transformers fan project that I believe has ever been attempted. But I need that support, that credit. It hurts when I use google/another search engine and search "Transformers Sunder concept art" and see our work totally visible to the public and not at all attached to Mercy. It then jumpscares me to see other people creating something that looks just like my creations. I see fanart that uses the face of my ghoul Sunder, the one-eyed purple-eyed version with a gaping black pit where the other eye should have been with a small white light within (or the other specific features I requested for Mercy Sunder).
It feels like my ideas are running away from me.
I do not believe anything was done with intent to harm or any malice or spite. I did not believe my project art had been knowingly stolen by any animator or fan artist of Sunder. But when I wrote my post in response to one animation, I did believe that Mercy Sunder had been seen and used as an inspiration because he does appear in general Sunder searches on the Internet. So this is where I came from and why I felt compelled to step in at the time.
I hope I have expressed myself better than last time and I just would like to voice that not this artist/ animator I first reblogged, but other people have reposted Mercy Sunder and caused him to become like.... public domain? Please, I just want it to be known that what you see on search engines, forums, wikis.... was taken from my project. Please do not base your Sunders on that art without crediting Transformers: Mercy and Inishira (Instagram or X).
I hope all the artists here can imagine the feeling of distress I feel seeing credit and support fly away from me and that talented artist, Inishira (who designed Mercy Overlord, Sunder, Crankcase, Fulcrum, Misfire, Krok, Spinister, Waspinator (bug form), and angel Starscream).
I don't want drama or a public back and forth. I seek amicable relationships going forth. Please be very mindful and go back to add in credits if you realize you used this Sunder design as a reference!
123 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Love Island: A Pazzi Fic
Part 1: Day 3
Genre: I've somehow managed to think up a forbidden love/enemies to lovers/reformed player/slow burn love island fic all together so imma pat myself on the back bc ive been getting so many asks for all five
A/N:
This is just the introduction chapter to a series that will be very loosely updated as it's more of a fun project i'm working on but hope you guys enjoy because this is just me riding off the love island hyperfixation im in lol
Extra Note: this is will be on tumblr only mainly bc this series will be trash and purely for my self entertainment so idc as much. slow falling will remain on ao3 only :)
ik some people have difficulty reading on tumblr tho so if i get enough asks i will put this on ao3 if its easier
word count: 3.2k (this will fluctuate depending on my mood)
Format Clarification:
When the contestant name is in front of the text, that means it's a cutaway and not actually said in the villa!
anything in italics is to be read in Iain Stirling voice please i love him
-
Day 3:
It's day 3 and it's heating up in the villa! Will the current couples pass the test of temptation as two new bombshells enter for the ultimate challenge? Find out here on Love Island USA: WLW Sports Edition!Â
When Paige first got the call that she was nominated for Love Island, she knew who put her name in the sea of womenâs athletes picked for the show. With her social media agents wanting to get the âplayerâ allegations away from her image to make herself more marketable, she was a shoo-in for the show.Â
Paige was confident in her coupling. Ellie, the Olympic swimmer from Australia, was up her ally of girls: hot, brunette, and gay. They had been going strong for the first three days in the villa, with Ellie picking Paige on Day 1 coupling. In the mess of drama the other couples were whirlwind into, they had remained together as a voice of reason.Â
âIâm just not really feeling her I donât know,â Kate groans, slapping the ping pong ball back to Paige.Â
âBro itâs been three days and youâre already tired of your match? Couldnât be me.â Paige responds, returning the ball.Â
Kate and Paige being the only WNBA athletes in the villa naturally stuck together as close friends, being each other's confidants on Love Island. They had the common ground of basketball solidifying their sisterhood and frequently took each other's advice.
âItâs not that. I just feel like thereâs no spark. Sarah is great and all, but I canât imagine spending the rest of my villa time with her.â
âWhy donât you explore your options tonight if we recouple? Thatâll start some crazy drama.â Paige laughs mischievously, wiggling her eyebrows at an unamused Kate Martin.Â
âAll the other couples are pretty locked in and I donât wanna be a homewrecker⌠plus theyâre probably bringing in new bombshells today if I got the formula right. Hopefully, theyâre my type because I donât think itâs working out for me and Sarah. âÂ
âNew bombshells? I mean none of them better be basketball players. Thatâs Ellieâs type to a T. It was hard enough fighting against you.â Paige jokes, slightly concerned at the idea of new people. It wasnât like she and Ellie were completely locked in, but Paige knew sheâd be at risk of getting kicked off the show if any of the new bombshells coupled up with Ellie.
âEllie is not my type. Sheâs too nice. I need some passion in my girl."Â
âI like nice. Sheâs sweet and brings me orange juice in the morning.â Paige says, dropping her paddle when Kate sends the ball flying past her head, "Drama stresses me out. That's why Ellie is perfect for me."
âNah, I like a little fight. Itâs hot when a girl is mad at you⌠you should know better than me âMiss Star Point Guard on the Golden State Valkyriesâ. Arenât women always fighting over you?âÂ
âI already told you Iâm not a player in the real world or the villa. Why does no one on the island believe me?â Paige exclaims, plopping down on the way-to-colorful couch in the Villa playroom.Â
âI donât know⌠maybe youâre insane eye contact with everyone you meet?â Kate says sarcastically, taking her seat next to Paige.Â
âBlame my parents! Theyâre the ones who told me that eye contact is respectful." Paige argues before adding, "I canât help I got beautiful eyes.âÂ
âShut u-"
Kate is effectively cut off when KK Harvey starts screaming "I GOT A TEXT" throughout the entire villa, everyone making their way to the poolside where she was sitting.
"Islanders please gather at the fire pit for a surprise! #WatchOutCouples #Bout to drop a bomb!" KK reads loudly, the whole villa shouting in response.
"Welp, I guess this is your moment to find a new girl." Paige sighs, making her way over to the fire pit.
"Not yours?"
"Nope, I'm pretty happy with Ellie."
"You sure about that? Not even keeping an open eye?" Kate teased, ragging on Paige's loyalty.
"I'm definitely not re-coupling with some newcomer." Paige asserts firmly.Â
"If you say so."Â
-
As the Islanders all flock to the firepit, taking their seats next to their partners, they await for further instruction.Â
âI GOT A TEXT!â Kate hoots out as the other islanders get excited, âIt says âGet ready as your two new bombshells join you guys in the villa! #AreYouReady?ââ
Paige looks over at Ellie, whoâs already gripping tighter on Paigeâs arm at the news of Bombshells.Â
âI hope theyâre not your type,â Ellie whispers shyly into Paigeâs ear. It was a cute gesture, one that shouldâve made Paige blush. Paige just gives her a reassuring squeeze on the arm, leaning in to whisper back.Â
âI already got a beautiful girl, donât worr-â
Paige is interrupted as shouting rings through the villa as two new girls make their way into the villa.Â
âBro, can you see her?â Kate says, pulling Paige up immediately as two figures appear in the distance.Â
âNot with you jumping on my shoulders.â Paige retorts back, leaning up to get a better look, âTheyâre tall.â Â
âWait, I think I recognize one of them,â Kate says with her eyes squinted
Kate: You guys are ruthless in bringing my exact type. Fuck, I want to stay loyal to Sarah but I do still want to keep my options open, you know?
Paige has to brace herself for this entrance. She recognized the two bombshells immediately as they got closer. The WNBA world was small and both of these contestants were prominent figures in the league. Azzi Fudd and Nika Muhl, the star guards for the LA Sparks would be joining the girls on the island.Â
âNo way they brought in more girls from the league!â Kate whispers into Paigeâs ear.Â
âDid they run out of gays for other sports? Or is the league just super gay?â Paige responds in a nervous whisper. Ellie had literally told Paige on the first day that her type was basketball girls and it was one of the main reasons why Ellie had picked her. It was not to Paigeâs advantage to have multiple girls chasing after her girl.Â
âWait, I know both of them. We worked out together at Kelsey Plumâs dawg class for a few days. Sheâs super hot not gonna lie.â Kate whispered lowly so Sarah wouldnât hear.Â
âOh yeah, Iâve met them a few times. Did you know that they both were gonna come to UCONN but chose UCLA last minute?â Paige droned on, her eyes oddly trained on Azzi as they finally reached the fire pit. It suddenly dawned on Paige that she had never seen the younger girl in a bikini and it set an uncomfortable fire ablaze in her stomach.Â
Azzi: Hi, my name is Azzi Fudd and Iâm a 5â 11â shooting guard for the Sparks. I wanted to come to Love Island to find my future wife and make a strong connection with someone. I have been in a lot of relationships and they donât seem to go well for me, so I hope I find my match here!
Nika: Iâm Nika Muhl and Iâm a 6â foo-
Azzi: 5â 10â donât lie Nika
Nika: Donât cut me off! Anyway, Iâm a point guard for the LA Sparks and I wanted to come to Love Island to finally find my love match and establish a strong connection. Iâm super excited to meet the Islanders.Â
Another text sound rings through the air, coming from Azziâs hand.Â
âBombshellâs Azzi and Nika, Pick two people to go on dates with tomorrow before bed tonight. Have fun getting to know everyone tonight in the villa! #newcomers #shootyourshot!â Azzi read out, inciting excitement through the villa again.Â
âHey youâre Azzi and Nika, right? Guardâs on the Sparks?â Coco asks, making room for them around the fire pit to welcome them.Â
âYeah, weâre shocked they picked us to go together since we knew each other. Youâre Coco Gauff. Iâm a big fan.â Azzi gushes, hugging Coco.Â
âHey Kate,â Nika says, acknowledging the blonde in the crowd as she scans around, âHowâs the island?âÂ
âGood. Surprised to see you guys here but Iâm hyped. We need more basketball representation in here.â Kate jokes.Â
âWe get enough âbasketball is the best sportâ debating from these two. Now we got more.â KK Harvey jokes, motioning to the two basketball blondes in the pit.Â
âBasketball is amazing though, you gotta admit.â Azzi plays along, earning a few lighthearted groans from the rest of the villa.Â
âJust promise you shut up Paige before she goes on a whole rant. Kate just eggs on that little pest.â Coco groans.Â
âIâm never wrong Coco, donât play with me. Tennis is fun but basketball is art.â Paige says, earning more groans from the group. âDo you guys know who you wanna pull for chats?â Ellie asks the two bombshells, jutting into the conversation.Â
âUm, I have my eyes on a few people but Iâm gonna see for the next few hours as I get to know more people on the island,â Nika responds.Â
âWe know you guys are in couples right now, but we just wanted to wait until we got to know more peopleâs vibes,â Azzi adds, looking around all the girls in the pit. A few couples had already gone off to different parts of the villa, but she was getting a good look at everyone left. There were a few people on her radar and a few people who werenât.Â
Azzi: Kate was making some pretty clear eye contact with me, but sheâs on my âpulling for chatsâ roster.
The group spends the next few minutes getting to know each other and filling in the two on the island news. Paige tried to focus on Ellie squeezing her arm, but she was distracted by things she couldnât comprehend.Â
Things such as Azzi Fudd making flashing bouts of eye contact with her to no end. Paige was not one to falter at strong eye contact, but she couldnât help but grow slightly nervous under the shooting guard's gaze. It wasnât rare for Paige to catch the eye of someone. New people entering the villa the past few days had flocked to her, but she rejected them to no avail to remain loyal to Ellie. It was still fun flirting and making stable eye contact was one of her specialties. But Azzi Fudd seemed to be looking at her with a specific glint that Paige couldnât pinpoint.Â
Paige: Did you guys see the way she was looking at me? I canât tell if she wants me in her bed or wants me dead. Â
Annoyance? Lust? Hatred? Câmon Paige tell us what you see!
âSo you guys want a little villa tour?â Kate asks suddenly while stepping slightly closer to Azzi, âItâs super nice.âÂ
The group makes their way around the villa, showing the two new islanders all the spots. Ellie and Paige stayed hand-in-hand as they walked, Ellie refusing to let go. Even when Paige got closer to Azzi coincidentally, the shooting guard would make it a point to take two steps away and it didnât help that Ellie was pulling her in the other direction. They end up at the rooms as they finish off the night, the girls entering their assigned makeup rooms to get ready for bed. Azzi is put into Paige, Kate, Coco, and KKâs room, getting spilt up from Nika.Â
âSo Azzi, what do you think of the villa?â Coco asks while wiping her makeup off.Â
âItâs nice, bigger than I expected. Soul ties are a lot more secretive than I thought.â Azzi answers, unpacking her bags.Â
âYeah, a lot of shit goes down there. If you go to soul ties at night we know youâre fucking or something.â KK laughs.Â
âDo you know who youâre picking for your dates tomorrow? You get two right?â Paige asks, speaking up for the first time.Â
âYeah, two. Iâm not sure who Iâm picking yet. I think theyâre asking me to pick in an hour so I have time to think in the shower.âÂ
âWhatâs your type?â Kate asks Azzi boldly, getting an approval look from Paige.Â
âUhh, I tend to focus a lot on personality. Just someone who can match my competitiveness and my energy. But if weâre talking looks, I tend to go for tall blondes.â Azzi says casually, immediately getting Kate to snap her eyes to Paige.Â
Paige: Is Azzi flirting with me or Kate? If itâs me, Iâm in trouble. Ellie is not going to be happy if I go on a date tomorrow.Â
âIs there a separate shower room? I need to unpack my bottles.â Azzi says while standing up.
âYeah, itâs down the hall to the left. Thatâs where our group showers.â Coco instructs, getting a nod of thank you before Azzi leaves.Â
âHold up, was she talking about me?â Kate polls the group the second Azzi safely leaves the room, âOr was she walking about the other two blondies?âÂ
âI think she was just stating her type buddy.â KK Harvey jokes, âPlus, sheâs totally talking about me. Sheâs been giving me the eyes.â Â
âReally?â Paige chimes in curiously, âLike slightly angry but confusingly hot?âÂ
âNo, like she wanna look into my soulâŚWhat type of looks is she giving you?â KK questions.Â
âNothing⌠she wasnât really looking at me, just wondering,â Paige adds quickly. She was probably just overthinking due to the reveal of her type.Â
âBack off KK, youâre happy with Kylie. Sarah and I have been distant for days.â Kate playfully challenges.Â
âKylieâs great, but Azzi and Nika are hot, not going to lie. I kinda hope I get to go on the date with them. Donât tell Kylie though, she might kill me.âÂ
âAs long as you donât tell Sarah. I wanna test my connection with the bombshells but I donât want to blindside Sarah.âÂ
âYou guys are acting like Azzi and Nika want you guys. She could be talking about girls in the other room.â Coco jokes, butting into the heated debate.
âPlease, Coco. We get it. You and Paige are in happy little couples and donât need to worry about recoupling. I would say Kylie would leave me the second another hockey girl comes in here.â KK says sarcastically before adding, âIâve never gone for a basketball girl before.âÂ
âI have. And I know them better than you loser. Azzi said tall, that means basketball. She was clearly talking about me.â Kate argues back.Â
âIâll be right back,â Paige says suddenly, jumping from her makeup chair.Â
âWhere are you going?â Kate asks as Paige starts exiting the room.Â
âJust going to chat with Azzi for a bit. Nothing serious. Iâll be back in 30 seconds.â Paige says quickly, ignoring any questioning she got from the group.Â
Paige makes her way down the hall, knocking twice on the shower room door before it slowly squeaks open.
âItâs unlocked,â Azzi says simply, her composure even.Â
âOh. Some people are uncomfortable with people coming in during showers so I always knock. Wasnât sure if you were showering.âÂ
âNope, just unpacking,â Azzi says shortly, confusing Paige again, âDo you need to shower? I can leave.âÂ
âOh, no. I actually wanted to talk to you real quick before you pick your dates for tomorrow.â Paige starts.Â
âSure, what did you want to talk about?â Azzi asks cautiously, continuing to organize her skincare on her shelf.Â
âI just wanted to let you know that Iâm in a pretty solid connection with Ellie and I donât want you to waste your date on me because Iâm mostly taken. You can still pick me, but I just want to be transparent from the beginning before we get to know each other.â Paige says while sitting up on the sink.
Azzi stood up from her packing, giving Paige a focused look of mild confusion.Â
âWhat makes you think Iâm picking you?â Azzi asks with an even tone, eyes unwavering from Paigeâs.Â
âWell, you said tall blondes are your type and thatâs only me and Kate. So I assumed youâd use your two picks on us.â Paige says, slightly less confident.
Azzi steps closer to Paige, closing the gap between them.Â
âIs it true that if you take off your top they canât air it because itâs nudity?â Azzi whispers into Paigeâs ear, pulling the blonde in.Â
âUh, yeah? They canât air it. But they get kinda annoyed when we do it and talk about villa stuff.â Paige whispers shakily into Azziâs ear.Â
âTurn your head,â Azzi says as she takes two steps back, swiftly taking off her bikini top.
Paige had never swiveled so hard, almost falling off the sink counter. Paige turned her head halfway before she realized she could see Azzi in the mirror reflection, leading her to close her eyes as fast as possible.
âI know your reputation in the league, but Iâm not trying to air out your business on TV, so Iâm going to speak like this,â Azzi yells out before turning around, âYou can turn around now, itâs just my back.âÂ
Paige opens her eyes to see Azziâs long braids flowing down her bare back, the only article of clothing being her bottom bikini. Azzi turned her head to speak.Â
âHow are you going to judge me on my so-called reputation?â Paige questioned back, getting offended at the âPlayerâ accusations she hated.Â
âYou ghosted one of my friends, so donât act surprised Iâm cautious of you. I came to the Villa to find love and take home the win.âÂ
âSo did I. You havenât seen me with Ellie. I have a lot of layers, youâd be surprised.â Paige says with a smirk, her voice growing bolder.Â
âLayers? Yeah, ten layers of player. I know what you did to Alyssa.âÂ
âAlyssa? Whoâs that?â Paige asks, racking her brain for possible Alyssaâs in her past.
âJesus, you donât even remember her. Thatâs crazy.â Azzi scoffs accusatorily, âAnyway, donât worry. I wonât pick you for the date, Iâm not going to intrude on you and Ellie. Seems like you guys are happy.âÂ
Paige watches as Azzi slips her bikini back on. Watching the muscles on her back contract as she pulls her top over her head. Her bare skin was addicting to lookÂ
So addicting, Paige was caught red-handed admiring her as Azzi turned back around.Â
âYou sure you're happy with Ellie?â Azzi jokes dryly.Â
âVery. Sheâs a great girl. Exactly my type.â Paige challenges back, leaning her body toward Azzi.Â
âWhat is your type, Paige?âÂ
âHot, Brunette, Pretty Eyes,â Paige says a little quieter as Azzi steps a little too close for comfort.Â
âI see,â Azzi answers, nodding her head.Â
âDonât think Iâm calling you my type. You just happen to fit it.â Paige adds weakly.Â
âYou saying I got pretty eyes? I know I'm the other two.â Azzi asks playfully, opening the door to the shower room.Â
âMaybe. Let me look into them longer and Iâll decide.â Paige chirps back, a surge of confidence coursing through her.Â
âIn your dreams, Bueckers.â Azzi sings out with a laugh as she takes her exit, leaving a mildly dazed Paige on the sink.Â
This was certainly going to be an interesting summer in the Villa for Paige.Â
-
A/N: I apologize if this is shit, this is just funny for me.
#pazzi#pazzi fic#pazzi fics#love island usa#paige bueckers#azzi fudd#kate martin#nika muhl#can u tell im obsessed with love island lol#pretend it makes sense please
313 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Let's talk about Mark & his upbringing, mental illnesses, vampireness and emotions processing, can we talk about Mark & his upbringing, mental illnesses, vampireness and emotions processing, please I've been dying to talk about Mark & his upbringing, mental illnesses, vampireness and emotions processing all day
Putting this under read more cuz it go way longer than I planned, okay So
Part 1 : The only child curse
So last episode we learned that Mark grew up in similar ways to Tong but worst, only child, no mother, there really is only him and his dad (probably the people who occasionally visit the infirmary perhaps?) And Mark has been bedridden for so long no outside people can possibly know him (ep 3)
And this is what is way worst than Tong, cuz even if they stopped Tong from doing literally everything ever, at least he was always surrounded by people his age in the orphanage and at least he does have Tonkla (ep 3)
And while Tong feels betrayed right now, Miss Nuan was probably a warm motherly figure too, where as Mark had no one but his father and when he got turned into a vamp (and his dad died) he had no one but Khun Milf
Part 2 : Maybe the real curse was the depression we got along the way
This means multiple things, first of all, the loneliness and depression Mark is feeling as a vampire probably started way before he got turned aka since he was a sick human, it just was what he was used to, being bedridden for years, and it just got prolonged when his life also got prolonged because he knew nothing else (ep 3) (also lol so Mark was sick & frankly dying until he got turned into a vampire, Edward Cullen getting turned by Carlisle cuz he was dying of the Spanish flu anyone?)
Second of all, Mark was probably never properly socialized as a child or before he became an adult vampire, and I think we can all agree that while Khun Milf is a Mother figure for Mark, she is not exactly the poster person to help someone figure out what the fuck emotional processing is (which okay not her fault, alright, she has an entire vampire empire to run and children to grow for their golden blood đ¤, go queen), and as a vamp, as he is basically Khun Milf's personal guard dog he doesn't really have friends either (ep 2)
Like Auntie Wan is there and would probably make for a better teacher for all of this emotion stuff but when you've always been a way, you aren't necessarily aware that something is wrong and u need to change it, and again Khun Milf has no advantage in Mark getting better (she got a bag to get, as is her Vampire Empress God Given Right), so I don't see her pointing him in that direction, except that by making him Tong's main guard, she kinda accidentally did?
Part 3 : The Bodyguard (1992) starring Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner
While since Mark got close to him the changes in Mark have been accelerating (thank you Tong and your fluids we are forever grateful), Guarding Tong has been changing Mark for a while now, emotionally I mean, and how I know this? First of all, the goddamn guitar (ep2)
Like yes it is important you dumbass, like I cannot stress enough how to guard Tong it was not necessary to give him gifts, like this isn't anywhere in the bodyguard handbook, in all those years watching over Tong, Mark genuinely took interests in Tong as a person (which is something Tong craves, because he feels like people consider him as a breakable object needing protection more than a person with an agency), and for someone who has no feeling for anything or anyone, that is a huge goddamn step towards caring for something/someone else, second of all the rose necklace (ep 1)
This fucking necklace, while it was given accidentally at first, is also a genuine gift for multiple reason, like obviously after ep 3 Mark gave that to Tong consciously and permanently, but when it stopped Mark dead in his Golden Blood Lust, it wasn't, and yet that necklace had became of symbol of who he protecting and caring for, so he could not hurt Tong any further
Part 4 : feelings vs vampire senses, unstoppable force vs immovable object (or is it more like hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby?)
So we've established Mark doesn't know how to process emotions or feelings, but the thing is, Mark does know what being a vampire is, he has been that for a while now, so when the emotional changes in Mark started being noticeable by Mark, there was a very huge fucking problem in the way
Tong, being the resident Vampire Tasty Fluids Fountain that he is, a fountain that Mark has sampled multiple times at that, is making it fucking impossible for Mark to differentiate between his feelings for Tong that are slowly growing stronger and the effect of those goddamn fluids on his vampire senses, so when Tong got angry, Mark could not tell why he cared so much about it and immediately blamed it on The Tong Fluids Intakes (ep 3)
But the thing is Mark does genuinely like Tong outside his duty as a vampire bodyguard & the delectable nectar of Tong's various bodily fluids (sweat, as the one that is the most recent), and we know this not only because of the gifts (see part 3), but also because Tong genuinely makes Mark laugh which we only see him do around Tong, and Tong brings out his sense of humor too
He wants to show Tong that he can really take cares of him, and want him to try new things (ep 3)
He also sees how sad Tong is to only be filming a video for Miss Nuan's birthday and immediately decides that he is taking Tong there to see her instead, he let Tong go back to the dorms and to Tonkla, after seeing how restless, bored and lonely Tong is with him and the fight in ep 3, because he thinks that's what Tong would like, even if he thinks Tong would be safer in the house with him
Again Mark doesn't need to be doing all of this, like his job IS to be a bodyguard that's all, but for some unknown reasons (to him at least, my eyes are wide open) he is doing his best so that Tong is comfortable and happy, because he likes seeing Tong comfortable and happy
109 notes
¡
View notes
Text
More than Your Hard Days (Sylus x GN! Reader)
Synopsis: It's been a shit day and you really have no desire to end up at the bottom of a bottle again. Thankfully, you don't have to go through this alone. (GN! due to no real reason for gender to be specified)
CW: Mentions of alcohol abuse, mentions of grief, descriptions of thoughts of self-hatred/ self-deprecating language, descriptions of vomiting.
Author Note: I've been having a really difficult time lately with coping using alcohol again so here's my self-indulgent fic in my desperate attempt to NOT go drink. (Please do not read if you feel you will be triggered- take care of you please). All reblogs, loves, and comments are appreciated. If you have anything untoward to say about alcoholism or myself (or anyone else in the comments), you will be deleted and blocked. Addiction isn't easy. If you are wanting to become sober- please educate yourself about the dangers of alcohol withdrawal and seek medical support as needed. You are not weak, you are not less than, and you deserve to live a happy, healthy life. You got this!
*this, my friends, is not edited well đ¤đ¤Ťđ

You hate the grocery store- especially after the week you had.
Between the stress of social commitments and the recent increasing demands at work, you havenât really been given a moment to decompress or even begin to help yourself and when you finally do, someone else needs something from you.
 You havenât had a single drink in three months and you have been determined to remain completely sober for at least a year- a hard reset. You wouldnât call yourself an alcoholic, but you certainly began teetering on that ledge when Caleb and Gran died.
It hadnât been something you confided in someone about until Sylus had arrived at your house in the middle of one of your intense crying and drinking sessions, took care of you when you ultimately blacked out, and he stayed by your side even when you were miserable with a hangover. After that, you wanted to get a handle on this- Sylus deserves the best and you arenât your best when alcohol is involved.Â
 One night often turns into two, then three, then four, and then suddenly itâs been a month and you feel like you may keel over from a small breeze. You have been fighting this on and off for longer than three months, this is the first consistent streak.Â
 However, the bottle of hard alcohol in front of you at the store is begging to go home and be consumed.
 Think about how much fun it will be, it seems to say to you, youâll be floating like a fluffy cloud. No sadness. No real thoughts- just silly, happy, bubbly fun. Let me be there for you- let me help you feel better.
But it never is just that, is it? Your brain adds, you canât control yourself. Youâre incapable of it. You pick up that bottle and you may as well forfeit the entire sober thing because youâre a goddamn failure and might as well accept your painful liver cirrhosis-filled death in twenty years.Â
 Itâs a glass bottle- it canât hurt you if you donât let it. It canât open the lid and make you drink itâs own contents. It doesnât have any actual power.Â
 And yet, itâs the most powerful villain youâve ever faced.Â
 What would Sylus think? The inner bully says, I bet heâll leave you. Why should he have to date someone who isnât adult enough to handle their booze?
 You gulp- your mouth is dry and your heart pounding. The distress of losing your relationship is only pushing you to want to drink even more.
 Sylus knows what you are attempting to do and he is completely supportive- alcohol at his base basically vanished after you made your declaration of sobriety and he doesnât drink in front of you at all. Itâs odd watching him try to find any other flavored drink he likes- so far he has decided soda isnât his thing- and itâs been fun for you too. It has reminded you that there are more fun, healthier things to enjoy that donât destroy you from the inside out.Â
 You should call him- tell him youâre struggling. He would come and get you, take you away from here, and somehow you would still end up with groceries in your fridge. Sylus told you to call him whenever- for anything- and he said he wants to help you.Â
 No, this is your problem, you lazy fuck. The voice rings through your head, stop bothering others with your shit. Stop pinning this on others- itâs not their fault you canât handle yourself. Itâs not their fault youâre weak.
 A shaking hand begins to reach for the bottle without you wanting it to- you can feel the dopamine and serotonin practically flowing into your nerves.Â
 Your stomach turns over and you can already feel the hangover waiting for you tomorrow.Â
 The regret. The fear.
 The shame.Â
 Holding onto your toilet and being afraid your eyeballs may pop straight out of your head- straining against the floor in pain as you try to get rid of the nausea and beg whatever entity out there to save you from yourself.
 Crying in the shower with a headache and wondering why you cannot stop- will not stop- and feeling trapped in this ferris wheel of hell forever. You are so scared and your stomach hurts even looking at the alcohol and yetâŚ
 Just one more inchâŚ
 A hand catches yours and twirls you around right before you make contact with the bottle- you almost drop your basket in your hands but a red string of energy is quickly holding it back up to you along with Crimson eyes filled with nothing but concern and you would even say determination.Â
âSy-Sylus?â You sputter, âwhat the hell are you doing here?â
 He doesnât actually answer your question- just begins pulling you away from your vice and your medicine.Â
âI saw your favorite frozen pizza, Kitten,â he drags you away from the alcohol section, âand your favorite muffins in the bakery and those snacks-â
  Logically- you know you shouldnât feel so offended or hurt because that is not his intention, but the beast that still desires the bottle on the shelf is not having it.
 Does he really not believe in you? Does he not think you are capable of stopping yourself on your own?
 Well- you arenât.Â
 That doesnât stop the uncomfortable feelings from swirling together in a montage of self-hatred and it doesnât help your already fragile and bruised self-esteem.Â
 You feel so⌠embarrassed.Â
âDid you follow me into the store?â You feel like a child who has been caught with their hand in the cookie jar, âI donât need a babysitter.âÂ
 It seems to catch him by surprise for a second- you typically arenât snippy when your favorite foods are involved and he was certain it would be the right redirection.Â
 But he knows you better than that, doesnât he? In spite of everything, you are a prideful person.
 You donât openly accept help without it being a mental wrestling match of self-doubt and hatred for being âweakâ. You feel like a burden and like you need to be ready for others at any given moment while you (the metaphorical ship) continues to sink. Sylus loves that you are selfless and caring- he thinks anyone who knows you is lucky to even have the opportunity to.Â
 But it will never matter what he tells you- you, to you, are meant to be entirely independent and to only depend on yourself. One day he hopes that may change- that you will be willing to depend on him more freely- but for now, he merely needs to protect you from the day youâve had.
 Sylus shakes his head with a smile, squeezing your hand gently. You are still emotionally a bit of a poofy kitten, but he isnât afraid of your scratch or your bite. In fact, he would even say he welcomes it. Sylus is happy to show you that heâs not just here for when life is easy.Â
âI was heading to your apartment anyway, sweetie,â he says firmly, âI was going to try to poke your side and get revenge, but instead, I noticed you eyeing these bottles.
Sylus twirls you towards the alcohol, âif you want to buy a bottle, then by all means, I wonât stop you. I support you either way and will be here on the other side of that decision.â
 He knows you are still learning to trust him- he knows that substances and struggling with them is not a linear path, but rather a swirly straw that is tangled within itself. You knew this going into it- you told him such and gave him his out- he has no intention of getting off of this highway now, even if you relapse.Â
âEven if I am throwing up in the toilet?â
âIâll be there to keep your hair out of your beautiful face.âÂ
  You had been prepared for a battle- to feel belittled and to have to fight to prove yourself. Instead, whatever desire to grab the bottle and cope with the stress⌠vanishes. Not entirely, but the urge isnât strong. There is still a pull, butâŚ
âYouâll support me either way?â
 Sylus nods and squeezes your hand again, placing a kiss on your knuckles.
âAnd if you float away,â he pulls you towards him, the faint glow of the linkage emphasizing his point, âIâll keep you anchored in place so you donât accidentally go too far.âÂ
âWhy?â
âBecause I believe in you,â he says simply, âand because you are more than your hard days.âÂ
 Thereâs a lump in your throat that is sticky like glue. You always take care of others- you are always taking on more than you can carry because no one else wants to and everyone needs you.
 You- alone- floating in space and fighting to find something to hang onto. Now you have Sylus to help keep you in place and he believes in you.
 With one final glance at the bottle of alcohol on the shelf- you take a deep inhale and exhale with a large sigh. Your callused fingers hold onto his tightly, grounding yourself in him- his strength, your strength. You are a team and together, you can truly achieve anything.
 You can do this.
 Walking in the direction of the frozen pizza, you pull Sylus along behind you.Â
âWhere did you say you saw those muffins?â
#sylus#sylus lads#sylus love and deepspace#love and deepspace sylus#sylus x mc#lads sylus#lnds sylus#l&ds sylus#love and deep space#love and deepspace#lads x you#lads mc#lads x reader#sylus x reader#sylus x gn! reader#sylus x F! reader#love and deepspace x you#love and deepspace x reader
127 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Hey y'all! It's been quite a while since I last posted online, and I know many of you've wondered where I've been. I've been trying to figure out the best way to update you all, but I've found that figuring it out hasn't been easy. I thought I'd just start with a little post here. It's been 165 days since I've uploaded a full-length video to YouTube, and almost a month since I've posted on TikTok. I didn't mean to disappear from the internet, and it's not that I haven't wanted to create and upload it, but that I just haven't been capable. The first few months of 2025 were not the best time for me. I was struggling with my mental health immensely, and as a result, my physical health declined too. I ended up in the hospital with complications relating to my T1D, and that took a really big toll on me. Talking about my mental health and chronic illnesses is something I've always tried to be open about with you because it's real. Just like you all, I am human. I struggle and I get stuck, sometimes (a lot of the time) I need help and time to heal and quite frankly get my shit together. I want to just say thank you all for allowing me that time I so desperately needed.Â
For months, I was anxious about making a return to YouTube. I was running low on inspiration, and every time I pulled out the camera, nothing felt right. I just felt like anything I tried to make wasn't good enough. I was receiving messages and comments every day asking where I was, for the most part they were kind messages but a lot of them were hostile and made me feel like crap. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and rot.Â
Then I started back at school with my Photography course! I've talked about this on my channel before and for the most part itâs going really well. I found it difficult to try wrap my head around my coursework, my job and doing social media, I was only just getting back on track and the thought of having so much on my plate was (and still is a little) extremely overwhelming. So I stopped prioritising making content because it stressed me out. Thatâs the truth of it.
About a month or so ago I felt like I was ready to come back. I was excited to be making content again and I felt like I had a hold on everything. Then I got adenovirus⌠2025 really isn't my year yâall.Â
Basically this virus gave me conjunctivitis and I wasn't able to see or really open my eyes for over 2 weeks. It was hell. The virus has now cleared, i'm no longer super contagious, i don't look like a zombie but it did leave me with scarring on my corneas. No, I'm not kidding. I cannot see. My vision has significantly decreased, even when I'm wearing my glasses it makes no difference. I haven't been able to go to my classes for almost a month now. I can't really see anything, even writing this has been quite difficult. Hopefully my vision returns soon, I'm seeing specialists and doctors weekly but this has been really hard for me.Â
I'll probably make a video talking about all of this soon but for now I'm just focusing on trying to get better. I really hope you can understand.Â
I love you and hope to be back real soon xoxo
-Alicia
53 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Jimmy Karn - The Realities of Mental Health: A Deep Dive
Poppy has done it again with featuring Jimmy as a guest on his most recent podcast episode. As someone who relates to Jimmy's story while knowing him since the WHY R U? days, I was touched by his courage and honesty in sharing his experience with his depression. I firmly believe that more conversations regarding mental health awareness, especially in the entertainment industry, should be more commonplace and open more doors to other nuanced realities that humans, no matter their status, deal with on a daily basis.

"I can't remember everything back then, [can you] believe that?"
I most certainly can because I've been there, done that, but unfortunately, I still deal with memory issues from my own mental health illnesses (general anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, ADHD, the whole shabang). When your mind is trapped in a cycle of fear, worry, dread, and other feelings of worthlessness and hypercritical behaviors, that also contributes to poorer quality of living in general: neglected hygiene, irregular food intake, quality of sleep (if any), little to no social interaction, low self esteem, and many more. With the demands of the entertainment industry with maximizing profit margins, quick turnarounds for projects, strenuous work days, and other experiences that can heighten the symptoms of depression, as a fellow artist/creative, making mistakes or being unable to perform well becomes damaging to one's psyche. Our art is our world, our art is our response, our art is our life.
I think most artists/creatives deal with many stress points from literally the moment we're born in this pro capitalist society that frowns upon artistic freedoms and expression:
How are you going to make a living? You think you're hot shit? Quit acting like you'll be something and go get a real job. Are you sure this is what you want to do? How are you doing to feed your family one day? This is an unstable job, you'll never make it.
In a world where our art is stolen, trampled on, questioned, undervalued, and completely ripped out of our bare hands, the doubt and nagging nurtures an individual with crippling low self esteem and confidence, an individual who believes that they must prove themselves to a world that refuses to love them unconditionally, an individual who has been thrown around to a point where they'd rather chooses death over life. As graphic and harsh as it may sound, that is a very real experience that unfortunately, has statistics and brave souls alive to tell their tales.
I didn't understand the world and life...I only thought about why I had to put up with that. I didn't talk, I just kept quiet...I always thought it over in my head, but didn't speak out.
When your internal thoughts become intrusive to a point of seeping into every aspect of your life, eventually, it becomes a new sense of "reality." Days turn into weeks turn into months where your passions and love slowly fade into the abyss, where darkness becomes your closest companion, where everything feels like nothing at all. With depression specifically, you literally stop being able to experience the world around you, internally and externally. There's such a discrepancy in regulating your daily living that you just simply, aren't able to try.
Jimmy briefly mentioned how before his depression, he could memorize his scripts with little effort, but the expectations of perfection and concentration diminished his trust within himself.
The more mistakes I made, the more my confidence got ruined. I actually thought about leaving the business. It was so bad that I didn't want to live anymore.
When my depression and anxiety used to be really bad, despite learning how to draw and paint ever since I was a little kid with 20+ years of experience (give or take haha), all you know is what you're capable of and your best performances. The moments where you were praised, the moments where you were trusted with being the correct choice, the moments where you were showered with adoration and excellence: what happens when that person is incapable of creating the same results due to circumstances beyond their own awareness and knowledge? The appraisal and applause turn into resentment and criticism, and if you have very little understanding about your own mental well being in that moment, your emotions cling onto those self identifying value systems of failure and poor performance. You lose your ability to validate your own reality rooted in a deeper issue that no one else can see by yourself.
Those with unstable minds will have lots of doubts and questions. Mostly I had questions, questions that you can't answer. No idea how to fix [them]. [You become] so lost that you don't know how to continue living, knowing only sadness and frustration. Why bother living, just end it there, right? It's like you lose an arm and leg in an accident, it was that bad. The wound doesn't show though. They see you as whole. You never know [what's] inside their mind. How broken they are. That was me and I could represent many that might be watching and are in my shoes.
For many of us, mental health overtakes every aspect of our lives to a point where ending it all is the only solution to put us out of our miseries. I've been there, and alongside going to therapy and actively challenging the core beliefs I held for myself to survive the circumstances of my childhood, I completely agree with Jimmy's statement here:
Don't find excuses, rise up and fight. You want happiness? Grab it now.
From my own experience: I had to relearn patience towards myself, showing grace towards myself, showing compassion towards myself, and that meant dismantling all that I knew and implementing deliberate choices that will lead me down a path of self love, self care, self advocacy, self control, self worthiness. I had to learn that the challenges posed in my life from my mental health disorders were simply a "feature of my illness," rather than allowing self deprecation and abuse remain in control of my discipline. Actively choosing love and positive reinforcement over hatred and punishment. Understanding that self improvement and personal growth is meant to be challenging and hard, not some walk in the park or solved with a flip of a switch. Being realistic about how growth isn't always exponential and directly in front of your face but that slow and steady wins the race. Learning that the point is resilience, not to find a singular solution to a singular problem only for those problems to occur in our lives over and over and over again in multiple iterations and phases. That every moment has its place to teach lessons that'll prepare me for a lifetime of happiness and joy, only if I choose to open my eyes and receive its message with confidence and trust in my capabilities.
I still have depressing moments. So don't say "just keep fighting." It happened to me and I wonder if they knew how hard I had already fought.
Some of the most "positive" and kindest souls you cross paths with, whether in your personal life or as strangers, have their skeletons in their closets, have their own doubts and fears, have won their own battles, and most certainly, have their own victories and pockets of happiness that they have no hesitation in sharing their stories and encouraging words if that means helping others win their own battles. I've shared this sentiment with friends before: it's one thing to choose death and ending it all, it's a completely different ball game to choose life and continuing to live on.
And finally for the part I felt that's most important to express and what had inspired this post: choose kindness, choose compassion, choose intention, choose deliberation, choose mindfulness, choose consideration. I'm so happy and grateful that Jimmy shared his story with us, I feel so much pride relating to his strength and his confidence in his experiences, knowing that he understands the significance of his presence in this life. I feel very strongly about people who come into online spaces and harass others or share damning words and sentiments towards one anther while refusing to acknowledge what could be happening in someone else's personal life outside of our knowledge.
It takes nothing to be courteous and to share kind words to one another, and to contribute to a space filled with negativity and undeserved hatred and entitlement over someone's autonomy and mere existence is not only pathetic to me, but makes me pity those who believe they can express those feelings without consequence. Love and adoration is so infectious and needed now more than ever, so why not be a part of that? If not in the spaces and communities you currently reside in, why not somewhere else where you can be authentic about your love and admiration without needing to put others down? Why stick around in a place where you sour the air and drive others away with your reckless behavior and attitudes? Why choose to beat down when you're very capable of uplifting others? Why wake up every single day entering the world fists first? What are you fighting against? What are you protecting yourself from? Where are you failing to show up for yourself that you believe in harming others and in turn, harming yourself? That is the question.
#mental health#jimmy karn#poppy ratchapong#domundi#the next prince#thai actors#thai bl#thai ql#mambo.speaks#this interview was so important to me#i hope everyone gets a chance to watch it#and i really hope they'll fix the subtitles#otherwise: amazing message and conversation that needs to be had more often than not#jimmy my love#you are everything
40 notes
¡
View notes
Note
HI! Hope you are well! I have no clue if you are taking requests or not, but if you are, could you maybe do a smau with carlos sainz x ferrari!reader? Where the reader is part of the ferrari family, and when her father passes away, she will take on the company? And like, all of the tifosi love her loads, bcs she's just lovely to them all no matter what, and they see carlos slowly 'fall in love' with her then soft launch their relationship, and it turns out they had been dating for ages? If you can, ty!!
are you going to be my girl? | carlos sainz social media au
pairing: carlos sainz x fem ferrari!reader
it's not a HR violation if you were dating before she became your boss and it's not nepotism if it's her company.
yournameferrari


liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 872,309 others
yournameferrari: first race weekend, let's go girls đ
view all comments
user1: i am SCARED i am weirdly optimistic đ¤
user2: i have faith, the article about her and the whole new team... she's cooking
carlossainz55: excited to take her out for a spin
yournameferrari: lets keep all the spinning for the doughnuts at the end of the season please
carlossainz55: i'll try my best, no promises though
yournameferrari: okay stop commenting on my post and get ready to drive, you're wearing my name
carlossainz55: let me know when you want to wear mine
user3: yall it's not even been one race and carlos is flirting with his boss, they weren't lying f1 drivers really are fearless
sebastianvettel: feels like just the other day when you first visted the garage, you'll smash it!
yournameferrari: thanks seb! can't wait to see you again, give hanna and the kids my love
user4: i love that she's 23 but literally talks like a grandma
user5: the stress of ferrari does tend to age a person
charles_leclerc: forza ferrari â¤ď¸ we'll make you proud
yournameferrari: i have all the faith in the world in you boys
user6: a ferarri owner who actually publicly supports the drivers? i've prayed for times like this
user7: ahhh i met her this weekend and she really loves the tifosi like she spent so long with us and signed as much as she could
carlossainz55


liked by yournameferrari, landonorris and 893,209 others
carlossainz55: great weekend all round, happy to be back on the podium - thank you to y/n and all the team for building us a car we can win in !!
view all comments
user9: don't shoot me but did we all see the way carlos was looking at y/n on the podium
user10: bestie i hate to tell you but there was like 100 ferrari workers at that podium he could've been looking at literally any of them
yournameferrari: you boys made the ferrari name proud this weekend â¤ď¸
carlossainz55: couldn't have done it without you and the team
yournameferrari: you're too kind, take pride in your own achievements
carlossainz55: only if you celebrate with me
user11: are we witnessing the smooth operator in real time?
user12: it's like seeing a unicorn in the woods
landonorris: congrats chilli đśď¸ are we all celebrating or is it just you two?
carlossainz55: all of us? why wouldn't it be everyone?
landonorris: no reason ....
user13: maybe it's because carlos' eyes pop out of his head like a looney tunes whenever he's around y/n ferrari
liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc
carlossainz55: you realise i get the notifications when you guys like comments, right?
landonorris: well my PR team wouldn't like it if i commented it myself
carlossainz55: i wonder if there is a reason for that đ¤
user14: carlando domestics in the comment section we are so back
scuderiaferrari


liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 803,451 others
tagged: yournameferrari
scuderiaferrari: no race this weekend? we'll give you a #ď¸âŁ asky/n to give you your ferrari content this weekend!
view all comments
user15: what is your favourite race?
yournameferrari: besides the obvious choices of imola and monza, i really enjoy suzuka and spa !
user16: who is a driver you would've loved to have managed?
yournameferrari: the obvious answer is michael schumacher, but i also would've loved to work with seb and kimi and jean alesi!
user17: how do you feel about taking over ferrari so young?
yournameferrari: it's definitely daunting, especially when no one really knew i existed. i was scared when it came to the staff overhaul as they had been there for so long and i was scared that it would massively backfire, but so far so good.
user18: tbf it's been a long time coming
user19: what would you do if you weren't owning ferrari?
yournameferrari: to be honest, ferrari and motorsport is all i have ever known, but, i also enjoy most other sports like football, ice skating and golf. but outside of sport i would've loved to pursue writing, i love poetry and essays!
user20: GOLF? cue carlos sainz in 3...2...1
carlossainz55: let's go for a round after my next sim session âłď¸
yournameferrari: only if you're ready to lose
user21: i am having ... feelings about this pairing
user22: how do you feel about charles' music?
yournameferrari: i always think it is good to have another passion, especially with how all-consuming formula one can become. i personally love charles' music and will often put it on when i do yoga or read (though my favourite is AUS23)
charles_leclerc: thank you y/n !!!
user23: is this *rubs eyes* an owner with a good relationship with the drivers???
f1gossipgirl


liked by user28, user29 and 4,130 others
tagged: yournameferrari, pierregasly
f1gossipgirl: AWKWARD MOMENT ALERT đ¨ y/n ferrari had harsh word for pierre gasly when they crossed paths in the paddock. gasly, whose dangerous driving put carlos sainz in the medical centre, seemed shocked that ferrari would have a problem with him. sources in the paddock said that ferrari admonished the frenchman, "you have a lot of gall in the media gasly, everyone saw how dangerous that was, you can't blame your own shortcomings on alpha tauri or adrian newey now. keep your car away from my drivers or we'll have a real problem." oop. allegedly gasly only replied with a wink and a "anything for you sweetheart" which caused y/n to storm off and knock his shoulder on the way past. who is in the right?
view all comments
user30: THAT'S MY OWNER RIGHT THERE
user31: y/n owned gasly
user32: not only was he dangerous on track he's also super disrespectful off, y/n is expressing her concerns over her driver who could've been seriously injured and he just flirts with her ???
user33: pierre is super in the wrong here but also it's so refreshing to see someone in management actually have the drivers back
user34: gone were the days of begging ferrari to even appeal penalties
user35: my friend was in the paddock and apparently vasseur had to hold sainz back after he was told about what pierre had done
user36: the way he's more mad that pierre disrespected y/n than nearly killing him
user37: idk why she's getting involved, no need to talk to the drivers like that, you're the owner, know your place
liked by pierregasly
user38: something insidious about the man liking a comment telling a woman to know her place đ¤¨
user39: he acts the victim in every situation and yet HE is the common denominator
user40: after ^^^ this whole mess i need carlos to scrap pierre
user41: i feel like he actually would that man is in love with y/n lol
yournameferrari



liked by carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari and 903,451 others
yournameferrari: happy summer break everyone !! going into the break leading the constructor's championship lead is amazing but we aim to finish the season with both trophies back in maranello. see you in zandvoort x
view all comments
user42: A MAN?
user43: i was delusional to think that a young successful and smart woman wasn't cuffed :(
sebastianvettel: are you still planning to swing by switzerland?
yournameferrari: we'll be there!
this comment was deleted
yournameferrari: i'll be there!
user44: girl we saw that
user45: the way she posts her soft launch but deletes a comment that says she might bring him to visit seb?
user46: visiting seb is a big deal tbf
user47: the way carlos HAS to have her notifications on mans was here after 30 seconds
user48: has better reaction time for y/n's instagram post than a race start đ
carlossainz55: working on my swing, ready for our round of golf
yournameferrari: get ready to be humbled
carlossainz55: if you're as pro as you say i may have to upgrade us to crazy golf
yournameferrari: as long as i get the red ball
carlossainz55: deal
user49: are we FLIRTING đ ???????
carlossainz55



liked by landonorris, yournameferrari and 703,458 others
tagged: yournameferrari
carlossainz55: took a break from swimming to get my ass whooped by my boss on the golf course
view all comments
user50: oh the fit - Y/N CAME TO PLAY
landonorris: just how bad was the whopping? before i propose a paddock golf tournament
carlossainz55: she'll ruin the sport for you it's not fair
landonorris: you didn't put up any sort of fight?
carlossainz55: i TRIED but as soon as i saw the custom clubs i knew it was over
yournameferrari: i have a confession, i was literally on my college golf team, i had a lot of practice sorry x
carlossainz55: so you're basically a professional? that's comforting
yournameferrari: not really a professional but a very dedicated amateur
user51: babe you literally won the national championship at stanford stop playing with this man
yournameferrari: oops? đŹ
user52: right, i don't mean to sound crazy, but i have a theory. the third pic looks very familiar to me, is it a lake in switzerland? the switzerland one SEBASTIAN VETTEL lives in and that y/n ferrari said she was going to visit this summer with someone?
user53: i fear you've made a point
user54: as much as they'd be literally the hottest couple in the world ... is it not a bit weird for carlos to date his boss? like... also what does this mean for potential favouritism?
user55: i get those concerns but we've already seen this season that decisions have been made both ways. unlike the binotto era ferrari actually are making the two first drivers thing work
user56: based on what y/n has said in the past i don't think she'd favour carlos because of a relationship, i think she's too ruthless to potentially sacrifice points to benefit her potential boyfriend
f1


liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 1,239,861 others
tagged: carlossainz55
f1: the smooth operator is back to winning ways with his win under the singapore lights. it was a double podium for ferrari and a DNF for sergio perez means that ferrari are constructors champions once again!
view all comments
user60: Y/N FERRARI THE WOMAN YOU ARE AND HOLY SHIT HER AND CARLOS KISSING DID SOMETHING TO ME
user61: we really went from xavi and not having any tyres to proper professionals and the WCC trust the WDC will be coming back home soon
carlossainz55: tifosi, we'll get the big one next year â¤ď¸
user62: CONSTRUCTOR CHAMPIONS AND YOU BAGGED Y/N FERRARI U WON AT LIFE
landonorris: so you made me find out with everyone else? i see how it is
carlossainz55: sorry landito, didn't intend for anyone to find out just yet but i guess i got a little carried away..
yournameferrari: a little?
carlossainz55: sorry but i've been good all year and finally got the win and the championship i couldn't help myself (you also looked so good sorry)
yournameferrari: i guess i can give you that (you're also very sexy post-race)
charles_leclerc: well i for one am super happy that i never opened the door when i heard a suspicious sound coming from y/n's office
yournameferrari: omg delete please i stubbed my toe i swear !!!!
charles_leclerc: no one is believing that i'm sorry
carlossainz55: we've never done anything untoward on ferrari property
landonorris: untoward? who are you?
carlossainz55: my gf is super duper college educated and it's rubbing off on me
landonorris: AHAHAHA RUBBING OFF
yournameferrari: đ¤¨
landonorris: sorry.
carlossainz55



liked by landonorris, yournameferrari and 1,034,510 others
tagged: yournameferrari
carlossainz55: suprise ! i guess it wasn't to be just ours forever, but i love you y/n and will give everything to you and your name x
view all comments
user62: boyfriend in the first slide and girlfriend in the others he's so real
yournameferrari: i know this secret was hard for you to keep so i'm proud of you regardless, i love you đŤś
carlossainz55: honestly any time anyone in the paddock flirted with you i thought i would explode
yournameferrari: i've seen your dm requests, spare me
carlossainz55: but now they know, i can unleash all of my pictures of you and i can flex on everyone
user63: dream threesome list just got a new update
landonorris: first slide for me i know that's right
carlossainz55: i am forgiven for not telling you about my relationship? the two years were tough
landonorris: TWO YEARS?
carlossainz55: your tone sounds kinda off
landonorris: you can shove your first slide up your ass đ TWO YEARS?????
carlossainz55: tbf i couldn't really announce to the world that i was dating the woman who would someday become the owner of my team
landonorris: give me three business days and i'll be okay
scuderiaferrari: parents â¤ď¸
charles_leclerc: happy for you guys but never ask me to take pictures of you again x
yournameferrari: you did such a good job though!
charles_leclerc: unless i see a photographer bonus in my contract i will not be third wheeling for free
yournameferrari: noted (you're not getting the bonus)
charles_leclerc: it was worth the try
yournameferrari



liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 1,035,556 others
tagged: carlossainz55
yournameferrari: what a crazy first season. i am unbelievably proud of the boys and the team, we'll bring both championships back to maranello next season â¤ď¸
view all comments
user64: she is everything i want to be
user65: tbf after last season i never thought we would win a race this season and her overhaul and ruthlessness has actually changed the game. also her and carlos are super cute
carlossainz55: i love you and thank you for our season. here's to the best winter break with you
yournameferrari: finally you can spend christmas the ferrari way
user66: how do we also get an invite to this christmas.. do you have any brothers? cousins? uncles?
carlossainz55: you're so so so beautiful, pretty, bewitching, ravishing, stunning and irresistible
yournameferrari: i love you too handsome
carlossainz55: can you also humble my dad at golf please and thank you
yournameferrari: we'll go doubles for the sainz golf tournament and have NO MERCY
user67: someone tell y/n the season is over and that she doesn't need to ruin sainz snr's christmas on the golf course
yournameferrari: the ferrari name never rests sorry not sorry
user68: yeah yeah the constructor championship finally came back to ferrari but this relationship is the real win from this season
user69: carlos finally found someone as old money as him
user70: and is actually old money, babes has that ferrari money
carlossainz55: i can retire early and be the house husband
yournameferrari: you will not retire early i expect you to be kicking it in that car until you're at least alonso's age
carlossainz55: but after that i can be the house husband a HAB?
yournameferrari: to your hearts content :) no one prettier i'd want on my arm x
note: hope you enjoyed i was BATTLING the writers block on this one lol. but i hope this is what you were looking for
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 instagram au#f1 x you#f1#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz f1#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz instagram edit
2K notes
¡
View notes
Text
i'm genuinely just saying that the ii fandom should try to not put their ships on basic dynamics because when you watch the media itself you realize that they're wayyyy more complex than that, and that the content that gets made off it feels one dimensional and like people don't really get why their dynamic/friendship works at all, or simplify their attributes completely disregarding the other relationships the characters in said ship have.

nickloon works because of suitcase mattering so much to both of them. now this is something that most of the fandom doesn't get because they don't get nickel's character at all and often portray him as an gay asshole, but i've made a lot of analysis on his behaviour, so you can check my posts on him if you're interesed to learn why suitcase is so important to him too. however they're so much more than just "a weird gay thing", they're an story of growth and realizing that you were wrong, how much love they have and how you can learn and change for the better, as someone who went through that same thing and now i have a best friend thanks to that, seeing how people only put them on one dynamic disregarding completely the reason as to WHY they're like that is pretty boring. they work because had so many issues at hand and needed communication in order to work through it. their care towards one person (suitcase) is what made them be so angry at eachother and what ultimately made them become friends as well, but the way they genuinely ended up wanting to be friends and caring so deeply for eachother is what speaks the most. sure, nickel cared about baseball and all, but balloon was ultimately the reason as to why he lets go of the rough attitude, and decides that he does want to fix what he has done, that he wants to become a better person and friend.

lightbrush works as an POST canon ship, not as one that happens on s2, nor should people ignore the fact that paintbrush was often angered/stressed by lightbulb's behaviour for most of the show. it works because ultimately they're both struggling to come to terms with themselves, and lightbulb gets to finally understand why she was messing up so much and genuinely showed care for paintbrush, who was ultimately struggling with themselves, you know, coming out and all that. what people don't get by making their relationship just an "silly random fella x hot headed person" is that they're both so much more than that. lightbulb has depression and her terrible copying mechanisms are what made her suck so much as a team captain, and paintbrush wanted stability and for someone to actually listen to them for once. lightbulb gets to learn that life is much more complicated and that she has to be there for people if she wants genuine connections with others, and she helped paintbrush on such a complicated moment, showing that they can work on an actual friendship post show, and that they do care about eachotther after all.

fantube is so much more complicated and emotional from what the fandom usually portrays. downgrading them to just an "girlboss x malewife" feels like they're not getting their characters at all and also like it's missing the point of their arcs being entwined by still making them act like their s2 pre-ep 14 selfs. both fan and test tube had severe issues with social interaction and grasping on what's real and what not, emotional communication often being their biggest struggle, and constantly got on arguments with others thanks to the fact that they couldn't "fit in". test tube shows to generally struggle understanding people and their feelings, meanwhile fan is more so aware of those, he still struggles with understanding that the game is very real and that he can't keep running away from the fact that change IS very real. they both made eachother grow because fan made test tube aware of feelings, and test tube made fan aware of growing and learning. they're both pretty equal on their own terms and they had bad copying mechanisms through s2 as a whole, except for their elimination of course, where they make amends and start over. they trust eachother and are pretty much partners, whether romantic or not, they are a team. a duo. they're just trying their best after all, and still struggle a lot with feelings at times. but that's why they work it through talking: the thing that they couldn't do at all before.
i really like/enjoy these ships on their own and i kinda hope that the fandom starts to actually get the characters and understand them properly, i would've also talked about silvercandle, but that is a whole can of worms and after iii 18, i have an overall more negative/neutral stance on the fandom perception of them.
this is just a recollection of thoughts, too.
#inanimate insanity#ii#inanimate insanity invitational#ii 2#ii 3#inanimate insanity balloon#inanimate insanity nickel#inanimate insanity suitcase#inanimate insanity lightbulb#inanimate insanity paintbrush#inanimate insanity test tube#inanimate insanity fan#ii nickloon#ii fantube#ii lightbrush#max does analysis#object show community#osc
201 notes
¡
View notes