#the only real socialization i've had is stressful

[kxsagi]

hey!!! this is my first time requesting but recently i've been rewatching my fav show ever: gossip girl. and i thought it would be super fun to see the blue lock guys with someone like blair waldorf 🤭🤭 idk why but i just REALLY wanna see how the guys put up a rich popular mean girl. it can be with any guy: isagi, kaiser, nagi, etc. if you're unfamiliar with gossip girl or blair waldorf you can just ignore this. its cool 💕

“𝐱𝐨𝐱𝐨, 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤’𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥”

a/n: i watched a little bit of gossip girl so i tried my best and kinda improvised 😭

ft. isagi yoichi, kaiser michael, nagi seishiro, mikage reo, itoshi rin, itoshi sae, shidou ryusei, karasu tabito 

isagi yoichi

bro had no idea what hit him. he was used to kind, down-to-earth girls from back home, so when you called his sneakers “tragic” on your first meeting, he literally blinked and thought you were joking. you weren’t. 

“you’re cute. a little scruffy. i could work with this.” and just like that, isagi's entire world view shattered. he's now frantically googling "how to be hot enough for a girl who looks like she drinks champagne at 8 AM." 

he’s the kind of guy who tries to compliment you like: “you’re really smart, you know?” “of course i am, i graduated valedictorian and made half the school cry at prom. stay in your lane, isagi.” 

but you’re also his biggest fan. when he scores a goal, you're in the stands with your designer sunglasses, clapping politely like: “wonderful, baby. now make sure that benchwarmer doesn’t breathe on you next time, i don’t like his aura.” 

he takes it so seriously. he tries to understand fashion, reads vogue once, and nearly buys a $600 scarf because you offhandedly said you liked hermès. 

you’re basically his villain origin story and true love in one. 

kaiser michael

oh he loves it. he sees your chanel bag, your passive-aggressive smile, and your confident walk like you own the stadium? man’s already 10 steps behind you, hooked. 

“you’re the meanest girl i’ve ever met,” he says, practically swooning. “and yet here you are, following me like a lost poodle.” “i like it when you call me names.” 

you guys flirt like you're in a war room. constant sarcasm. constant power plays. it’s like watching two CEOs fight over a hostile takeover, except it’s lowkey hot. 

kaiser tries to outdo your insults: “those earrings are almost as shiny as your ego.” “and your brain’s almost as big as your mouth. almost.” everyone else is just quietly sipping water like it’s a live fire hazard. 

you insulted ness ONCE and kaiser has never laughed harder in his life. he now purposely brings ness around just to watch the chaos. “he’s not that bad,” kaiser shrugs. “he gives beige. walking beige.” (i am so sorry to all ness fans for this) 

power couple energy that scares people. he buys you diamonds, you buy him real estate in your heart and lease it monthly. 

nagi seishiro

at first? he found you exhausting. like. why are you wearing heels on campus. why are you roasting people. why do you look expensive all the time. 

“you stress me out,” he groans. “you need the stress. you dress like you’ve given up.” 

despite that, he finds himself slowly addicted to your attitude. it’s probably the way you pat his head like a house cat or how you insult his posture while fixing his hair. 

you’re dragging him to brunches he doesn’t wanna go to, throwing his hoodies in the trash (“this is not loungewear, it’s a cry for help”), and making him carry your shopping bags. 

he complains the whole time. but he always shows up. 

secretly loves how you baby him after being mean: “ugh, you’re so slow.” “wanna sit down? i’ll get us smoothies. only because you look pitiful.” 

nagi would literally lie down and let you walk over him in 6-inch louboutins and go “worth it.” 

mikage reo

he thought he knew rich girls. he thought he was the rich girl. but then you stepped in with your curated social calendar, custom hair appointments, and the social finesse of a lioness hunting gazelle. 

“wow, i’m in love,” was his first thought when you said, “mikage group stock dipped. tell your father to stop embarrassing us.” 

the two of you are like the new money vs old money clash. both rich, both hot, both evil. you’re his competition and his soulmate. 

y’all host charity balls and ruin reputations. you show up at his games in full designer couture and call the press coverage “low-resolution peasant work.” 

reo lives for your sass. sometimes he’ll start a fight just to hear you drag him: “you think you're better than me?” “of course i am. i'm prettier and my skincare routine could fund your backup soccer team.” 

he's the only one who can keep up with your social chessboard. double dates? gala invites? preposterous vendettas against other power couples? he’s in. 

someone once called you a gold digger and reo bought their house just to evict them. true love. 

itoshi rin

the emotional whiplash he got from being into you? insane. he likes quiet girls, calm girls, and then there’s you, fashion goddess with an icy tongue and sharper eyeliner. 

“you don’t like me,” rin said once. “i like your face. not your attitude. we can work on the second one.” and that’s how he became your confused, angry, emotionally constipated boyfriend. 

you bring out his inner softie by force. you wrap a scarf around him and say, “you look like an art student. tragic, but fixable.” and he just… blushes. violently. 

he gets mad when you flirt with the waiter for extra olives, but you always nudge him under the table like relax, baby, i only want you (and he does relax… eventually). 

he lowkey likes when you boss people around. you're the only one who can order him to sleep and live to tell the tale. 

once you told rin he couldn’t wear that dumb hoodie to your tea party brunch and he glared for 45 minutes, but showed up in a polo shirt anyway. 

“do you even like me?” “if i didn’t, you’d know. i’d ruin you.” 

itoshi sae

when you first met sae, you looked him up and down and said, “europe aged you well, you finally look like you can afford my attention.” he blinked once and knew he was in love. 

he pretends you annoy him. he says you're dramatic, your voice gives him migraines, and your shoes are too loud. but he shows up every time you call. 

he's obsessed with the way you carry yourself. so untouchable. so self-assured. you walk into a room and act like you're the main event, and he respects the hell out of it. 

you once called a rival player “a discount model with bad bone structure” and sae couldn’t stop thinking about it for three days. it awakened something. 

his phone is full of candid pics of you looking expensive. when he’s bored, he scrolls through them and smirks like, yeah. that’s my girlfriend. she could ruin a man’s career with one tweet. 

“you’re a menace,” he says. “and you’re obsessed with me. now kiss me, loser.��� 

the sexual tension when you argue is vile. people think you’re about to break up, but actually you’re deciding where to go for dinner. 

shidou ryusei

oh he’s feral for you. the moment you insulted his entire personality and told him he smells like axe body spray and prison energy? he fell to his knees spiritually. 

“you’re like, pure evil,” he grinned. “i’d let you stab me. tongue first.” 

he flirts with you like he’s asking to be slapped. purposely gets on your nerves so you’ll yell at him. calls you “babycakes” and “tiffany tantrum” just to see your eye twitch. 

one time you said, “if you bark at me again, i will get you neutered.” he moaned. in public. 

you let him walk one step behind you like a trained rottweiler. he loves it. you pull him by the chain necklace and he follows you like a delinquent on a leash. 

but behind the chaos, he’s protective af. someone looked at you wrong once and shidou was like, “should i bite them or burn their house down? say the word.” 

and you? you just sip your $17 latte and go, “no need. their outfit’s already embarrassing enough.” 

karasu tabito

the minute you called his shirt “last season’s mistake,” karasu gasped like a real housewife. “excuse me???” he choked. and then immediately started flirting with you. 

he lives for the drama. you say something savage and he clutches his heart like “damn girl, say it again, but slower.” 

he tries to roast you back, but your comebacks are so polished and ruthless that he’s usually left standing there blinking like an iphone on 1%. 

he’s a gossip. he’ll come up behind you like, “so what’s the tea today, queen of the upper east side?” and you’ll be like, “rumor has it bachira's dating someone with no fashion sense.” “NOOO. not our funky boy falling into the polyester trap 😭” 

you guys are a power duo. you show up to events dressed like enemies-to-lovers characters. he holds your bag when your earrings are too heavy. you fix his collar when he’s trying to act cocky. 

karasu thinks it's hot that you're high-maintenance. “demanding girls keep me on my toes,” he says. “besides, i like being bossed around by someone with nice legs.” 

he once joked that you were scary. you looked him dead in the eye and went, “i’m not scary. i’m selective. and you’re lucky.” he hasn’t stopped thinking about it since. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[sakrafka]

life update (shop opening, diploma, moving...)

Hey just a little update on what's coming in the next few months! For a short version, you can read the bold text only!

I'm currently finishing university, I'm super busy with my thesis and making my diploma portfolio (my thesis is about the representation of trans people in media btw! Unfortunately it's in Hungarian but google translate translates it pretty well)! My thesis defense is on June 18th and I'm very excited, even though no one will really read it since... it's in Hungarian. I worked so hard on it, it's over 30 pages and it came out so well :-(

Since university is ending, me and my partner (@/lonipacs) are moving out of college where we've been living in the past 4 years. Some of you who have been following me for a while might know that my girlfriend is homeless, since she was abused and had to escape from home (her father almost killed her and her family multiple times and threatened/phisically abused them daily) and she's been living in college full-time and has nowhere else to go. Now we have no choice but to move, but we don't have money at all for rent/food/bills etc. because we couldn't work in the past 1,5 years due to intership/university shit + both of us being chronically ill. Me and my partner together maybe about 700 USD which isn't even enough for one month's rent, so we will have to work extremely hard from July to keep the roof over our heads.

I know I haven't been very active lately on social media, but from July/August I'll officially start working as a full-time freelancer, and I'll be extremely grateful for any kind of support on my work! I'll focus all my energy on posting, shop opening and commissions! I'm very afraid that I won't be able to make a living from my art alone, especially in a country with the highest taxes and inflation :"-) The thought genuinely keeps me up at night, even more so since we don't have a "safety net" we can fall into if anything goes wrong (luckily we have some very good close friends who said we can sleep at their places in case we lose our home, if the worst happens). I wish I could have a "real job" but as a disabled/chronically ill person, I genuinely have no choice but to try make a living from my social media.

I'm genuinely shitting my pants, every day feels extremely stressful, full of tears, anxiety and sleeplessness, but I'm trying to stay positive! I feel extremely grateful for each and one of you who ever supported my work with a purchase, comment or like! I know it's very hard to build up an art account nowadays (not to mention the cost of living has been rising everywhere, and art is a luxury that only a few can afford), and I feel privileged to be in a place where I've already managed to build such a kind and supportive audience!

This is a very hard time for me and my partner, everything is very uncertain and changing, but I'm trying to hold onto my love for her and my faith in my work!

[hugyourdogs]

old acquaintance asking to play video game =w=

desperately needed respite in my fragile psyche holy shit

[equalperson]

I fucking hate being traumatized because why am I bawling the hardest I've bawled in god-knows-how-long because someone I didn't even like that much berated Me. gasping wailing trembling and snotting over this for several minutes.

[elijasz]

Anyway, if you're wondering why I'm not posting any art: I am literally struggling to survive. This is the most stressful time I've ever had in my life and I have worked several jobs while managing a household and caring for a family member before. This might truly break me and I am NOT easy to break.

I barely sleep, I have no time for physical exercise, I have more to do than I can possibly ever check off my to-do-list and adding to that, people are being truely awful and testing my patience, which is literally running so thin you can see through it like it is a window you just cleaned.

I'm having heart issues and permanent headaches, that's how bad it is. I slept a total of 1 hour this night. I'm permanently nauseated. Oh and to top all that off I'm poor and my only weather-appropriate pair of shoes has been falling apart for about 3 months now and I still haven't been able to buy a new pair.

[soapcloth]

CW: 18+ MDNI, soap x reader, unsolicited nudes, pushy behaviour, implied noncon elements - 1K words, semi-edited - dividers -> @/cafekitsune

Anxiously sending in an offer for a kitchen appliance you’re in dire need of via an online social media marketplace, only for the seller- JTav87, to reply instantly.

The notification comes when you’re taking a curious peep at his info. His proflile makes him seem nice enough- real 'the cool uncle’ vibes. The page's display picture is a snap of him grinning ear to ear with one of his big paw-like hands at his chest in a thumbs up gesture, the other being obscured behind the lid of an outdoor grill; a family gathering in full swing behind him.

It's all topped off with the stock photo of a beach at sunset as his header, the poorly stretched image sporting a sprawling near-unreadable quote about resilience smack-dab in the middle, gratuitous high contrast vignette filters over everything as a little banner pops up at the bottom of your screen; a message from the seller.

‘I cn do tht.’

you hastily type out a reply in fear of the purchase somehow getting delayed or cancelled.

‘You’re a lifesaver😊I've been searching high and low for one of these!’

Being too friendly was your first mistake, you just wanted to make a good impression- it seemed harmless at the time.

The pickup goes off without too much of a hitch- you meet up as requested in the well-lit parking lot of a generic chain cafe, puffing out cold breaths from behind your jacket and nursing a warm beverage you had managed to grab. Stepping out of a beat up pickup, you come to find that he’s a lot bigger than his pictures would have you assume, not shockingly tall, but his overall aura and bulk make him seem like a giant. His bare arms splay outwards, stretching the fabric of his ill-fitted tee in a gesture that almost had you worried he was going to go in for a hug- thankfully, a firm handshake seems to suffice. 

“Och! Yer’ hands’re baltic!” he exclaims with a blinding smile, rosy tips of his ears and nose being the only tell he was affected by the weather himself as he claps his other hand around yours, rubbing them together to create heat. It's an action that nearly had you spilling the drink in your free hand as you stagger a bit in response to the contact- something he seemed to either not notice, or not mind.

The real kicker was the way he refused to take your money, hemming and hawing about how you should be saving that money for stuff you need- as if the appliance you were purchasing wasn’t that exactly. “A’hm not gonna take yer’ money- a’hm t’fond of ye’.”

whatever that means. 

It's good you didnt pay, evidently. When he had loaded it into your car- having the gall to laugh after you asked if he needed help, mind you- he had forgotten the cord that made the thing work, offering you a lovely little surprise when you finally got home.

On queue, there's a muffled ding from the device in your pocket. 

‘forgt 2 brng cord. srry x’ 

your eyes could have rolled out of your head; suffice to say, you weren't impressed.

‘I really needed this tonight, had baking I needed to do for a party tomorrow 🫤weather’s too bad for me to go out again tonight.’

‘cn drop off at urs if u wnt?’

Had you been in any other situation, this would have been a hard no- sadly however, your stress and desperation leads you into letting the heavyset man worm his way in through your front door as if he owns the place, cord bunched up and hanging out of his back pocket while he kicks the snow from his boots with a saintly smile.

Surprisingly, the drop off is quick- only interrupted by him asking to use your toilet as you're distracted with pulling out baking supplies. Before you know it, he’s back on the icy roads again. You almost wish you had offered him some coffee or tea-

 Almost.

When the morning sun bleeds through your curtains, you pick up your phone to find a notification from JTav87.

‘Hve a grate day x’ 

You frown and ignore the message as you start your day, but it only seems to embolden him into sending you countless more, the tone of the messages becoming increasingly more romantic as time draws on- some of your work friends at the office party even ask you if there was a new beau in your life when you had made the mistake of leaving your phone face up atop the breakroom table while you ate.

The final straw between you, your peace of mind, and the block button comes that night with a handful of alarmingly explicit voice messages in your inbox, promptly followed by a very-much so unprompted video of him shirtless and moaning while he chokes his swollen dick in a vice grip- all done over a familiar bunched up pair of underwear that you know with certainty had been at the top of the hamper in your bathroom. 

Little is left to the imagination when he snatches up the stolen garment, bringing it to his nose, face just out of frame as his chest expands in response. His audible fist-fucking and jerking hips get more frenzied as he gives one last brutal tug all the way from his base to the head, hand flexing as he aims his shot at his phone, cum coating the counter space directly in view of the camera.

His spent cock bobs and drools, stomach muscles contracting wildly as he leans back into the wall behind him; taking a moment before reaching forward to stop the video, searing the image of his hazy, wolfish grin in your mind.

His free hand gets busy sopping up his mess in your underwear as the screen flashes back to the clip's first frame, offering you the prompt to watch again.

It would later become apparent that blocking could only do so much to seperate you from a mutt like John MacTavish- especially when he's privy to your home address.

[vanessagillings]

I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

[astonmartinii]

kiss it better | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x first responder!reader when oscar crashes into the barrier at monza, he thinks he sees his guardian angel, in reality he's just got a concussion and that's a first responder, but it's the thought that counts.

f1

liked by arthurleclerc, liamlawson and 1,206,700 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

f1: woah. huge shunt for oscar piastri in turn three. the australian was pulled out of the car by first responders and is getting treatment. red flag for now.

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user1: omg like my breath was completely gone, i hope oscar is okay

user2: holy shit that's the worst crash i've ever seen i'm so glad they aren't replaying it

user3: i tuned in late and i knew as soon as they didn't replay it it had to be bad

user4: thank the lord for the first responders, they were so fast i hope oscar is good

user5: i'm gonna need netflix to take the backseat on this one i can't take the dramatic editing this is already stressful enough

user6: the grosjean crash was bad enough, i can't deal with it with oscar

user7: are there any updates yet?

user8: not yet.

user9: i'm sat in the grandstand right where this was and it was literally so scary, the first responders literally had to jump on the car

user10: so so lucky that they were stationed so close to where he crashed

oscarpiastri

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tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: first of all i'd like to thank everyone for their support and well wishes, i really appreciate it. it's actually thanks to y/n and the rest of the first responders that i'm back on my feet as fast as i am. big thank you to y/n for sacrificing her ability to shower comfortably to help me out of the car and avoid the flames, i am eternally grateful and mama piastri would like you over for dinner to thank you.

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user9: i'm so so happy he's okay, that crash was so scary

landonorris: glad to hear you're okay mate !

oscarpiastri: you can't get rid of me that easily norris

landonorris: woah, no joking about dying when you've only been discharged for 24 hours

oscarpiastri: sorry, skipped over that one in my contract

danielricciardo: make sure you always read that mclaren contract carefully

user11: thank you y/n for your service

user12: for real she put her leg on the line for oscar she needs a raise

yourusername: it was my pleasure to do my job and help you out oscar. and i'll always take up an offer for a mum's dinner

oscarpiastri: she'll be very happy to hear that

yourusername: text me the details and i'll be there

user13: it's so crazy to me how f1 drivers just get up and walk out of crashes like that

user14: no for real how is the medic more injured than him 😭

logansargent: you are so lucky there were no cameras when you were on painkillers cause you were talking some shit

oscarpiastri: please don't remind me

logansargent: just because there weren't cameras in the room doesn't mean i didn't record you, i look forward to my birthday present this year

oscarpiastri: you wouldn't

logansargent: you wanna bet?

user15: so like how bad do we think what oscar said was?

user16: and how much do we need to pay logan to release it?

mclaren

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tagged: landonorris, oscarpiastri & yourusername

mclaren: after her heroics in the first half of the season, y/n finally took oscar up and is a guest of mclaren this weekend. as a medic, y/n is one of the most important aspects of a race weekend, and it's an honour to host her!

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user17: did oscar write this caption? that man was BLUSHING in the fan questions video

user18: awwww mama piastri is also there this weekend and in a load of the pictures in the paddock they stuck together

oscarpiastri: so happy to see you again y/n !!

yourusername: my pleasure, oscar. racing is a lot more fun from the garage

oscarpiastri: i'll try my best not to crash this time, i know my favourite medic isn't on duty

yourusername: oh wow what a title, i'll wear it with pride

user19: they're such dorks i love them so much

landonorris: can someone get me some popcorn, i'm enjoying watching oscar squirm and blush all weekend

oscarpiastri: i am NOT !!

landonorris: don't worry i'm sure y/n finds it cute

oscarpiastri: can you please STOP !!

yourusername: not to prove lando right but it is very cute

user20: lando is taking his big brother role a bit too far

alexalbon: you were right @logansargent this is fun to watch

logansargent: oh just you wait until you find out the stuff he was saying in hospital

oscarpiastri: please stop telling people

alexalbon: from what i heard she was right there @yourusername what did he say logan is being a good friend (for now)

yourusername: considering i literally fried my leg getting him out i don't remember most of that day

alexalbon: UGH you people are no help

yourusername: ???

oscarpiastri: ???

yourusername

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tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: no pulling this one out of a burning wreck this weekend 👍

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user21: omg oscar's smile ??? i am faint

landonorris: do i mean nothing to you?

yourusername: i am literally oscar's guest let me rep him in peace

landonorris: booooooo if you're going to wear his number might as well ask him out while you're at it

yourusername: mind your business, i know what i'm doing

user22: Y/N?????????

oscarpiastri: i see you know my angles already, can you come every weekend?

yourusername: i'd love to but i have a lil thing called a job :(

oscarpiastri: boring, can't you be my full time personal photographer?

landonorris: and his girlfriend?

oscarpiastri: do you mind?

landonorris: what? i'm just trying to help

oscarpiastri: you are MEDDLING

yourusername: you guys done?

oscarpiastri: yes

landonorris: NO

user23: lando is a no 1 y/n x oscar shipper he's so real

user24: y/n is so much stronger than me i'd hand in my notice right this second

yourusername: believe me i would if i could

landonorris: to both options?

oscarpiastri: LANDO STOP

yourusername

liked by alexalbon, oscarpiastri and 19,056 others

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: happy to be your guardian angel baby x

view all comments

user29: new f1 parents just entered the chat

landonorris: i'm taking responsibility for this happening, you’re welcome

yourusername: stop right there buddy, this was all ME

oscarpiastri: nuh uh it was ME

yourusername: i asked YOU out?

oscarpiastri: technically yes, but i asked you to dinner first

yourusername: actually, if i remember correctly that was your mum

oscarpiastri: FINE you asked me out and i'm very glad you did and you ARE my guardian angel and you ARE way out of my league

landonorris: you said it i didn't

oscarpiastri: LANDO LET ME FLIRT IN PEACE YOU NUISANCE

landonorris: woah, you've changed bro

yourusername: are we finished boys?

landonorris: yes, and for real i am very happy for you guys

user30: lando saying he made this happen is the most lando thing ever

logansargent: can you tell him to stop ignoring me now?

yourusername: soz under strict rules not to fraternize with a traitor

logansargent: I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T HANDLE SPICE

user31: at least logan is self-aware

oscarpiastri

liked by aussiegrit, yourusername and 702,443 others

tagged: yourusername

oscarpiastri: sometimes all you need to do is flip an f1 car into a barrier and burst into flames to meet the love of your life (and give her third degree burns)

view all comments

user32: OSCAR WITH A BACKWARDS CAP TEACHING HER TENNIS SOMEONE CALL 911 I AM NOT OKAY

landonorris: okay we get it now you guys are cute

yourusername: for someone who was 'the reason we got together' you've changed your tune

landonorris: yes i am glad you have each other but that doesn't change the fact that i am LONELY and don't need to see gross couple stuff

oscarpiastri: you poor baby

landonorris: NO SYMPATHY?

oscarpiastri: i'm gonna cite all of your tomfoolery in the other comment sections

landonorris: okay fair

user33: okay but can we promise to never have a crash like that again?

yourusername: agreed

aussiegrit: happy for you kid

oscarpiastri: thank you mark :)

yourusername: so this is mark... hi?

aussiegrit: don't worry i've heard nothing but wonderful things about you, i look forward to meeting you at the next race

user34: y/n already has all of the approval oh wow

yourusername: i love you dummy (never do that again or i'll never talk to you again)

oscarpiastri: you got it, wins only from now on 🫡

yourusername: ur the champion in my heart

oscarpiastri: 🧡 🧡 🧡

logansargaent

liked by alexalbon, yourusername and 304,788 others

tagged: yourusername, oscarpiastri

logansargeant: public shaming is good sometimes. though now i third wheel with only a fish by my side

view all comments

user35: i am SCREAMING

yourusername: oh florida boy, your time will come (don't put that fish pic on your tinder, i know you want to)

logansargeant: girls love fish?

yourusername: trust me they don't

logansargeant: is this just because oscar is bad at fishing?

yourusername: DELETE IT FROM YOUR TINDER PROFILE NOW OR THIRD WHEEL FOREVER

user36: what is going on here?

alexalbon: god logan this is tragic, how did you expose him and end up with a fish as your date

logansargeant: but is the size of the fish not impressive?

alexalbon: no, take y/n's advice

oscarpiastri: fine, you're forgiven. only because y/n found it cute, if she found it weird it would be you found at the bottom of a lake

logansargeant: ???????????? there was a chilli oscar

oscarpiastri: stop hiding behind your american passport, i'd eat that chilli for you

logansargeant: but it all worked out?

oscarpiastri: thankfully for you

yourusername: is it bad that this is kinda sexy?

logansargeant: he threatened to murder me?

yourusername: he's so protective 🫶

oscarpiastri: hehehehe thanks babe x

logansargeant: i give up.

note: WOAH two in one night? i am on a roll. anyhow, do enjoy, i love oscar so much so glad he extended !! xx

[annabelle--cane]

i wasn’t here when tma reached the height of its popularity (i only joined last year) so could you describe the Vibes (how bad the drama was, did it feel like there were too many people, etc.)

only if you want to :]

I've said this before, so this may be a familiar spiel to longer term followers, but 2020 tma fandom was honestly not the worst fandom I've ever been in, it was just by far the biggest thing I have ever been actively into at peak popularity and so the 1% of insane people that are found in every fan space were 1% of a much bigger total population. most people were fine and chill, but there were a vocal minority who Weren't.

major ingredients in the discourse pot:

from my observations, tma had a small but devoted listener base for its first few years, then it got a little bump in mid 2018, then a considerable bump in late 2019, then hit proper virality in early 2020, so there were a lot of people with hipster complexes about being Real Fans who were there first and weren't just part of the masses.

at this point I'm not even sure if this part was true, but the above was compounded by the perception that the earlier og listener base were mostly adults and the new wave of fans were mostly tweens and teens. whether the different waves actually fell along those age lines or not, a lot of people felt like the fandom was split into 80% Cringe Zoomers Who Are Here For Ships And Memes and 20% Millennials and Gen X'ers With Media Literacy Who Are Here For Horror. nice dichotomy, idiot, now what lies outside it, etc and such and such. our blessed fandom etiquette vs their barbarous dni lists.

which isn't to say that suddenly having a huge number of people, including young people, become interested in a single piece of media at a time of global stress where everyone had to be much more online and the content of the media itself was at its darkest and most socially relevant had no downsides. oh no. Oh No.

"my headcanon is not only objectively the best headcanon but it actually invalidates all of yours and if you hc something different then it's an act of bigotry against my Correct Headcanon." / "I have drawn up a list of Good Characters you have to like and aren't allowed to criticize and a list of Bad Characters you have to hate and can't acknowledge exist unless it's to make fun of and completely condemn them." / "I saw her username in the kudos of a jonelias fic" "girl what were YOU doing in the kudos of a jonelias fic" / "this latest episode handled a social issue unforgivably badly, I haven't experienced it myself but the vibes were off, everyone demand accountability and boycott the rest of the show" "hey that one was actually based on jonny's personal experiences" "ah fuck not again. well boys let's remember this for next time. this latest epis--"

honestly most of the discourse was down to like two or three friend groups. there was one group of people who you will probably remember if you were there at the time whom I have sometimes seen referred to as the Clown Gang. Clown Gang were ground zero for a good 90% of fan discourse ("hcing melanie as ace is ableist and lesbophobic" "fan content that focuses on jon's asexuality is biphobic. what's pansexuality I've never heard of it." "desolation tim aus are inherently ableist and racist"), but eventually they had a big falling out with Clown Prime and things calmed down. to be very clear I hold no ill will towards any of these people for four year old bad takes, hence why I'm not using any names, but god was it a time.

and this is only about the tumblr side of things. I was barely active of twitter so idk what it was like there but I was on tiktok for about a year during that time and the vibes were wildly different. iirc people there were less confrontational and there wasn't really a callout culture like on tumblr, but the extremes of the takes were FAR worse.

[emperor-kumquat]

"Public domain Sunder" outside of Tumblr (How my project art runs away)

This is NOT a general Sunder! As cool as he looks, he belongs to me and Mynametia/ Inishira (Instagram)!

I want to talk about how reposted art causes harm. It has been stressful to see and I hope fellow artists can sympathize or empathize. And please, if you base art off this Sunder, credit the project Transformers: Mercy!

Firstly, I've heard both "you're niche and unknown" or "you have a big following so watch your mouth"

It feels mean either way... :( Like the jab takes whatever stance is most convenient.

Bottom line: I don't consider myself special. I am just a very hard worker. The only reason I have gotten as far as I have was my hours of daily work for years on my project and YouTube channel.

I am awed when I reflect on how far I have come. Growing my social media platforms, working with 100 different artists from all over the world, commissioning comic artists like Alex Milne and Livio Ramondelli for posters, getting interviewed, collabing, or having shoutouts on other YouTube channels, sitting on panels at TFcon in front of hundreds (although it was t e r r i f y i n g) and getting to talk to them about Transformers: Mercy! And this year, I will be selling Mercy merch at a table at TFcon in the art gallery!

So I don't think I am niche anymore... I don't think my project Transformers: Mercy is. Over the years it has become very widespread with art posted on blogs across social media platforms. As I will discuss, maybe too widespread in one wrong way.

But... there is a long way to go to completing the project. I have about 1000 images now. That's insane! This is no tiny lil project. And I am gunning for 1000s more to make this TFP fan-made sequel. But, I have to pay so so much out of pocket despite making less than minimum wage most months. I need a lot of support to make this big dream possible. Thank you to all who have already helped me thus far.

I think I am just writing this post to clear the air. I am honoured deeply by fanart or fanfictions or fan animations people have created for Transformers: Mercy. It is very motivating and heartwarming and helps me keep up the pace of working hours every day on this project.

I don't mind inspiration being taken from my work. It is an honour. My project draws inspiration from James Roberts' MTMTE and would be nothing without his appealing takes on characters. We may critique MTMTE but where would we be without his Whirl, Rodimus, Drift, Ratchet, Pharma, Cyclonus, Tailgate, Chromedome, Rewind, Swerve, Overlord, DJD, etc.? I carried on from him, others may carry on from me.

A while back, I never meant offence when pointing out one animation of Sunder had features that looked eerily similar (to me) to the Sunder of my game. The reason I got a jolt of horror stems from the fact that this project has fallen victim to reposts on places like Instagram, Pinterest, Reddit, the fan wiki, and other TF forums with zero credit to me or the artists. The growing popularity of Mercy art has also caused it to appear in general searches for IDW or TFP characters. This is why if you search "Transformers Sunder concept art" you are likely to see Mercy Sunder right there but uncredited. So you would see our art but not know what it was for. And Mynametia/Inishira (the artist) did such a good job that it even looks like IDW concept art. It can be mistaken for official content.

But it's not. It was created for my project with very specific features to match my story. A project which costs so much of my time and money and it needs all the donations it can get. It is loses support when its art becomes popular with no tie back to this project. It is still a project in development and is therefore vulnerable.

Transformers: Mercy, after all the years, has become a famous project. But it is a struggling project due to the high financial cost. It is made with ok not blood, but real sweat and tears as I have pushed so hard to make it this far. It has been emotional. It even brought me the love of my life, my spouse.

I want to continue to work on it, the largest Transformers fan project that I believe has ever been attempted. But I need that support, that credit. It hurts when I use google/another search engine and search "Transformers Sunder concept art" and see our work totally visible to the public and not at all attached to Mercy. It then jumpscares me to see other people creating something that looks just like my creations. I see fanart that uses the face of my ghoul Sunder, the one-eyed purple-eyed version with a gaping black pit where the other eye should have been with a small white light within (or the other specific features I requested for Mercy Sunder).

It feels like my ideas are running away from me.

I do not believe anything was done with intent to harm or any malice or spite. I did not believe my project art had been knowingly stolen by any animator or fan artist of Sunder. But when I wrote my post in response to one animation, I did believe that Mercy Sunder had been seen and used as an inspiration because he does appear in general Sunder searches on the Internet. So this is where I came from and why I felt compelled to step in at the time.

I hope I have expressed myself better than last time and I just would like to voice that not this artist/ animator I first reblogged, but other people have reposted Mercy Sunder and caused him to become like.... public domain? Please, I just want it to be known that what you see on search engines, forums, wikis.... was taken from my project. Please do not base your Sunders on that art without crediting Transformers: Mercy and Inishira (Instagram or X).

I hope all the artists here can imagine the feeling of distress I feel seeing credit and support fly away from me and that talented artist, Inishira (who designed Mercy Overlord, Sunder, Crankcase, Fulcrum, Misfire, Krok, Spinister, Waspinator (bug form), and angel Starscream).

I don't want drama or a public back and forth. I seek amicable relationships going forth. Please be very mindful and go back to add in credits if you realize you used this Sunder design as a reference!

[restlesspazzi04]

Love Island: A Pazzi Fic

Part 1: Day 3

Genre: I've somehow managed to think up a forbidden love/enemies to lovers/reformed player/slow burn love island fic all together so imma pat myself on the back bc ive been getting so many asks for all five

A/N:

This is just the introduction chapter to a series that will be very loosely updated as it's more of a fun project i'm working on but hope you guys enjoy because this is just me riding off the love island hyperfixation im in lol

Extra Note: this is will be on tumblr only mainly bc this series will be trash and purely for my self entertainment so idc as much. slow falling will remain on ao3 only :)

ik some people have difficulty reading on tumblr tho so if i get enough asks i will put this on ao3 if its easier

word count: 3.2k (this will fluctuate depending on my mood)

Format Clarification:

When the contestant name is in front of the text, that means it's a cutaway and not actually said in the villa!

anything in italics is to be read in Iain Stirling voice please i love him

-

Day 3:

It's day 3 and it's heating up in the villa! Will the current couples pass the test of temptation as two new bombshells enter for the ultimate challenge? Find out here on Love Island USA: WLW Sports Edition! 

When Paige first got the call that she was nominated for Love Island, she knew who put her name in the sea of women’s athletes picked for the show. With her social media agents wanting to get the “player” allegations away from her image to make herself more marketable, she was a shoo-in for the show. 

Paige was confident in her coupling. Ellie, the Olympic swimmer from Australia, was up her ally of girls: hot, brunette, and gay. They had been going strong for the first three days in the villa, with Ellie picking Paige on Day 1 coupling. In the mess of drama the other couples were whirlwind into, they had remained together as a voice of reason. 

“I’m just not really feeling her I don’t know,” Kate groans, slapping the ping pong ball back to Paige. 

“Bro it’s been three days and you’re already tired of your match? Couldn’t be me.” Paige responds, returning the ball. 

Kate and Paige being the only WNBA athletes in the villa naturally stuck together as close friends, being each other's confidants on Love Island. They had the common ground of basketball solidifying their sisterhood and frequently took each other's advice.

“It’s not that. I just feel like there’s no spark. Sarah is great and all, but I can’t imagine spending the rest of my villa time with her.”

“Why don’t you explore your options tonight if we recouple? That’ll start some crazy drama.” Paige laughs mischievously, wiggling her eyebrows at an unamused Kate Martin. 

“All the other couples are pretty locked in and I don’t wanna be a homewrecker… plus they’re probably bringing in new bombshells today if I got the formula right. Hopefully, they’re my type because I don’t think it’s working out for me and Sarah. ” 

“New bombshells? I mean none of them better be basketball players. That’s Ellie’s type to a T. It was hard enough fighting against you.” Paige jokes, slightly concerned at the idea of new people. It wasn’t like she and Ellie were completely locked in, but Paige knew she’d be at risk of getting kicked off the show if any of the new bombshells coupled up with Ellie.

“Ellie is not my type. She’s too nice. I need some passion in my girl." 

“I like nice. She’s sweet and brings me orange juice in the morning.” Paige says, dropping her paddle when Kate sends the ball flying past her head, "Drama stresses me out. That's why Ellie is perfect for me."

“Nah, I like a little fight. It’s hot when a girl is mad at you… you should know better than me ‘Miss Star Point Guard on the Golden State Valkyries’. Aren’t women always fighting over you?” 

“I already told you I’m not a player in the real world or the villa. Why does no one on the island believe me?” Paige exclaims, plopping down on the way-to-colorful couch in the Villa playroom. 

“I don’t know… maybe you’re insane eye contact with everyone you meet?” Kate says sarcastically, taking her seat next to Paige. 

“Blame my parents! They’re the ones who told me that eye contact is respectful." Paige argues before adding, "I can’t help I got beautiful eyes.” 

“Shut u-"

Kate is effectively cut off when KK Harvey starts screaming "I GOT A TEXT" throughout the entire villa, everyone making their way to the poolside where she was sitting.

"Islanders please gather at the fire pit for a surprise! #WatchOutCouples #Bout to drop a bomb!" KK reads loudly, the whole villa shouting in response.

"Welp, I guess this is your moment to find a new girl." Paige sighs, making her way over to the fire pit.

"Not yours?"

"Nope, I'm pretty happy with Ellie."

"You sure about that? Not even keeping an open eye?" Kate teased, ragging on Paige's loyalty.

"I'm definitely not re-coupling with some newcomer." Paige asserts firmly. 

"If you say so." 

-

As the Islanders all flock to the firepit, taking their seats next to their partners, they await for further instruction. 

“I GOT A TEXT!” Kate hoots out as the other islanders get excited, “It says ‘Get ready as your two new bombshells join you guys in the villa! #AreYouReady?’”

Paige looks over at Ellie, who’s already gripping tighter on Paige’s arm at the news of Bombshells. 

“I hope they’re not your type,” Ellie whispers shyly into Paige’s ear. It was a cute gesture, one that should’ve made Paige blush. Paige just gives her a reassuring squeeze on the arm, leaning in to whisper back. 

“I already got a beautiful girl, don’t worr-”

Paige is interrupted as shouting rings through the villa as two new girls make their way into the villa. 

“Bro, can you see her?” Kate says, pulling Paige up immediately as two figures appear in the distance. 

“Not with you jumping on my shoulders.” Paige retorts back, leaning up to get a better look, “They’re tall.”  

“Wait, I think I recognize one of them,” Kate says with her eyes squinted

Kate: You guys are ruthless in bringing my exact type. Fuck, I want to stay loyal to Sarah but I do still want to keep my options open, you know?

Paige has to brace herself for this entrance. She recognized the two bombshells immediately as they got closer. The WNBA world was small and both of these contestants were prominent figures in the league. Azzi Fudd and Nika Muhl, the star guards for the LA Sparks would be joining the girls on the island. 

“No way they brought in more girls from the league!” Kate whispers into Paige’s ear. 

“Did they run out of gays for other sports? Or is the league just super gay?” Paige responds in a nervous whisper. Ellie had literally told Paige on the first day that her type was basketball girls and it was one of the main reasons why Ellie had picked her. It was not to Paige’s advantage to have multiple girls chasing after her girl. 

“Wait, I know both of them. We worked out together at Kelsey Plum’s dawg class for a few days. She’s super hot not gonna lie.” Kate whispered lowly so Sarah wouldn’t hear. 

“Oh yeah, I’ve met them a few times. Did you know that they both were gonna come to UCONN but chose UCLA last minute?” Paige droned on, her eyes oddly trained on Azzi as they finally reached the fire pit. It suddenly dawned on Paige that she had never seen the younger girl in a bikini and it set an uncomfortable fire ablaze in her stomach. 

Azzi: Hi, my name is Azzi Fudd and I’m a 5’ 11” shooting guard for the Sparks. I wanted to come to Love Island to find my future wife and make a strong connection with someone. I have been in a lot of relationships and they don’t seem to go well for me, so I hope I find my match here!

Nika: I’m Nika Muhl and I’m a 6’ foo-

Azzi: 5’ 10” don’t lie Nika

Nika: Don’t cut me off! Anyway, I’m a point guard for the LA Sparks and I wanted to come to Love Island to finally find my love match and establish a strong connection. I’m super excited to meet the Islanders. 

Another text sound rings through the air, coming from Azzi’s hand. 

“Bombshell’s Azzi and Nika, Pick two people to go on dates with tomorrow before bed tonight. Have fun getting to know everyone tonight in the villa! #newcomers #shootyourshot!” Azzi read out, inciting excitement through the villa again. 

“Hey you’re Azzi and Nika, right? Guard’s on the Sparks?” Coco asks, making room for them around the fire pit to welcome them. 

“Yeah, we’re shocked they picked us to go together since we knew each other. You’re Coco Gauff. I’m a big fan.” Azzi gushes, hugging Coco. 

“Hey Kate,” Nika says, acknowledging the blonde in the crowd as she scans around, “How’s the island?” 

“Good. Surprised to see you guys here but I’m hyped. We need more basketball representation in here.” Kate jokes. 

“We get enough ‘basketball is the best sport’ debating from these two. Now we got more.” KK Harvey jokes, motioning to the two basketball blondes in the pit. 

“Basketball is amazing though, you gotta admit.” Azzi plays along, earning a few lighthearted groans from the rest of the villa. 

“Just promise you shut up Paige before she goes on a whole rant. Kate just eggs on that little pest.” Coco groans. 

“I’m never wrong Coco, don’t play with me. Tennis is fun but basketball is art.” Paige says, earning more groans from the group. “Do you guys know who you wanna pull for chats?” Ellie asks the two bombshells, jutting into the conversation. 

“Um, I have my eyes on a few people but I’m gonna see for the next few hours as I get to know more people on the island,” Nika responds. 

“We know you guys are in couples right now, but we just wanted to wait until we got to know more people’s vibes,” Azzi adds, looking around all the girls in the pit. A few couples had already gone off to different parts of the villa, but she was getting a good look at everyone left. There were a few people on her radar and a few people who weren’t. 

Azzi: Kate was making some pretty clear eye contact with me, but she’s on my “pulling for chats” roster.

The group spends the next few minutes getting to know each other and filling in the two on the island news. Paige tried to focus on Ellie squeezing her arm, but she was distracted by things she couldn’t comprehend. 

Things such as Azzi Fudd making flashing bouts of eye contact with her to no end. Paige was not one to falter at strong eye contact, but she couldn’t help but grow slightly nervous under the shooting guard's gaze. It wasn’t rare for Paige to catch the eye of someone. New people entering the villa the past few days had flocked to her, but she rejected them to no avail to remain loyal to Ellie. It was still fun flirting and making stable eye contact was one of her specialties. But Azzi Fudd seemed to be looking at her with a specific glint that Paige couldn’t pinpoint. 

Paige: Did you guys see the way she was looking at me? I can’t tell if she wants me in her bed or wants me dead.  

Annoyance? Lust? Hatred? C’mon Paige tell us what you see!

“So you guys want a little villa tour?” Kate asks suddenly while stepping slightly closer to Azzi, “It’s super nice.” 

The group makes their way around the villa, showing the two new islanders all the spots. Ellie and Paige stayed hand-in-hand as they walked, Ellie refusing to let go. Even when Paige got closer to Azzi coincidentally, the shooting guard would make it a point to take two steps away and it didn’t help that Ellie was pulling her in the other direction. They end up at the rooms as they finish off the night, the girls entering their assigned makeup rooms to get ready for bed. Azzi is put into Paige, Kate, Coco, and KK’s room, getting spilt up from Nika. 

“So Azzi, what do you think of the villa?” Coco asks while wiping her makeup off. 

“It’s nice, bigger than I expected. Soul ties are a lot more secretive than I thought.” Azzi answers, unpacking her bags. 

“Yeah, a lot of shit goes down there. If you go to soul ties at night we know you’re fucking or something.” KK laughs. 

“Do you know who you’re picking for your dates tomorrow? You get two right?” Paige asks, speaking up for the first time. 

“Yeah, two. I’m not sure who I’m picking yet. I think they’re asking me to pick in an hour so I have time to think in the shower.” 

“What’s your type?” Kate asks Azzi boldly, getting an approval look from Paige. 

“Uhh, I tend to focus a lot on personality. Just someone who can match my competitiveness and my energy. But if we’re talking looks, I tend to go for tall blondes.” Azzi says casually, immediately getting Kate to snap her eyes to Paige. 

Paige: Is Azzi flirting with me or Kate? If it’s me, I’m in trouble. Ellie is not going to be happy if I go on a date tomorrow. 

“Is there a separate shower room? I need to unpack my bottles.” Azzi says while standing up.

“Yeah, it’s down the hall to the left. That’s where our group showers.” Coco instructs, getting a nod of thank you before Azzi leaves. 

“Hold up, was she talking about me?” Kate polls the group the second Azzi safely leaves the room, “Or was she walking about the other two blondies?” 

“I think she was just stating her type buddy.” KK Harvey jokes, “Plus, she’s totally talking about me. She’s been giving me the eyes.”  

“Really?” Paige chimes in curiously, “Like slightly angry but confusingly hot?” 

“No, like she wanna look into my soul…What type of looks is she giving you?” KK questions. 

“Nothing… she wasn’t really looking at me, just wondering,” Paige adds quickly. She was probably just overthinking due to the reveal of her type. 

“Back off KK, you’re happy with Kylie. Sarah and I have been distant for days.” Kate playfully challenges. 

“Kylie’s great, but Azzi and Nika are hot, not going to lie. I kinda hope I get to go on the date with them. Don’t tell Kylie though, she might kill me.” 

“As long as you don’t tell Sarah. I wanna test my connection with the bombshells but I don’t want to blindside Sarah.” 

“You guys are acting like Azzi and Nika want you guys. She could be talking about girls in the other room.” Coco jokes, butting into the heated debate.

“Please, Coco. We get it. You and Paige are in happy little couples and don’t need to worry about recoupling. I would say Kylie would leave me the second another hockey girl comes in here.” KK says sarcastically before adding, “I’ve never gone for a basketball girl before.” 

“I have. And I know them better than you loser. Azzi said tall, that means basketball. She was clearly talking about me.” Kate argues back. 

“I’ll be right back,” Paige says suddenly, jumping from her makeup chair. 

“Where are you going?” Kate asks as Paige starts exiting the room. 

“Just going to chat with Azzi for a bit. Nothing serious. I’ll be back in 30 seconds.” Paige says quickly, ignoring any questioning she got from the group. 

Paige makes her way down the hall, knocking twice on the shower room door before it slowly squeaks open.

“It’s unlocked,” Azzi says simply, her composure even. 

“Oh. Some people are uncomfortable with people coming in during showers so I always knock. Wasn’t sure if you were showering.” 

“Nope, just unpacking,” Azzi says shortly, confusing Paige again, “Do you need to shower? I can leave.” 

“Oh, no. I actually wanted to talk to you real quick before you pick your dates for tomorrow.” Paige starts. 

“Sure, what did you want to talk about?” Azzi asks cautiously, continuing to organize her skincare on her shelf. 

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m in a pretty solid connection with Ellie and I don’t want you to waste your date on me because I’m mostly taken. You can still pick me, but I just want to be transparent from the beginning before we get to know each other.” Paige says while sitting up on the sink.

Azzi stood up from her packing, giving Paige a focused look of mild confusion. 

“What makes you think I’m picking you?” Azzi asks with an even tone, eyes unwavering from Paige’s. 

“Well, you said tall blondes are your type and that’s only me and Kate. So I assumed you’d use your two picks on us.” Paige says, slightly less confident.

Azzi steps closer to Paige, closing the gap between them. 

“Is it true that if you take off your top they can’t air it because it’s nudity?” Azzi whispers into Paige’s ear, pulling the blonde in. 

“Uh, yeah? They can’t air it. But they get kinda annoyed when we do it and talk about villa stuff.” Paige whispers shakily into Azzi’s ear. 

“Turn your head,” Azzi says as she takes two steps back, swiftly taking off her bikini top.

Paige had never swiveled so hard, almost falling off the sink counter. Paige turned her head halfway before she realized she could see Azzi in the mirror reflection, leading her to close her eyes as fast as possible.

“I know your reputation in the league, but I’m not trying to air out your business on TV, so I’m going to speak like this,” Azzi yells out before turning around, “You can turn around now, it’s just my back.” 

Paige opens her eyes to see Azzi’s long braids flowing down her bare back, the only article of clothing being her bottom bikini. Azzi turned her head to speak. 

“How are you going to judge me on my so-called reputation?” Paige questioned back, getting offended at the “Player” accusations she hated. 

“You ghosted one of my friends, so don’t act surprised I’m cautious of you. I came to the Villa to find love and take home the win.” 

“So did I. You haven’t seen me with Ellie. I have a lot of layers, you’d be surprised.” Paige says with a smirk, her voice growing bolder. 

“Layers? Yeah, ten layers of player. I know what you did to Alyssa.” 

“Alyssa? Who’s that?” Paige asks, racking her brain for possible Alyssa’s in her past.

“Jesus, you don’t even remember her. That’s crazy.” Azzi scoffs accusatorily, “Anyway, don’t worry. I won’t pick you for the date, I’m not going to intrude on you and Ellie. Seems like you guys are happy.” 

Paige watches as Azzi slips her bikini back on. Watching the muscles on her back contract as she pulls her top over her head. Her bare skin was addicting to look 

So addicting, Paige was caught red-handed admiring her as Azzi turned back around. 

“You sure you're happy with Ellie?” Azzi jokes dryly. 

“Very. She’s a great girl. Exactly my type.” Paige challenges back, leaning her body toward Azzi. 

“What is your type, Paige?” 

“Hot, Brunette, Pretty Eyes,” Paige says a little quieter as Azzi steps a little too close for comfort. 

“I see,” Azzi answers, nodding her head. 

“Don’t think I’m calling you my type. You just happen to fit it.” Paige adds weakly. 

“You saying I got pretty eyes? I know I'm the other two.” Azzi asks playfully, opening the door to the shower room. 

“Maybe. Let me look into them longer and I’ll decide.” Paige chirps back, a surge of confidence coursing through her. 

“In your dreams, Bueckers.” Azzi sings out with a laugh as she takes her exit, leaving a mildly dazed Paige on the sink. 

This was certainly going to be an interesting summer in the Villa for Paige. 

-

A/N: I apologize if this is shit, this is just funny for me.

[spicyvampire]

Let's talk about Mark & his upbringing, mental illnesses, vampireness and emotions processing, can we talk about Mark & his upbringing, mental illnesses, vampireness and emotions processing, please I've been dying to talk about Mark & his upbringing, mental illnesses, vampireness and emotions processing all day

Putting this under read more cuz it go way longer than I planned, okay So

Part 1 : The only child curse

So last episode we learned that Mark grew up in similar ways to Tong but worst, only child, no mother, there really is only him and his dad (probably the people who occasionally visit the infirmary perhaps?) And Mark has been bedridden for so long no outside people can possibly know him (ep 3)

And this is what is way worst than Tong, cuz even if they stopped Tong from doing literally everything ever, at least he was always surrounded by people his age in the orphanage and at least he does have Tonkla (ep 3)

And while Tong feels betrayed right now, Miss Nuan was probably a warm motherly figure too, where as Mark had no one but his father and when he got turned into a vamp (and his dad died) he had no one but Khun Milf

Part 2 : Maybe the real curse was the depression we got along the way

This means multiple things, first of all, the loneliness and depression Mark is feeling as a vampire probably started way before he got turned aka since he was a sick human, it just was what he was used to, being bedridden for years, and it just got prolonged when his life also got prolonged because he knew nothing else (ep 3) (also lol so Mark was sick & frankly dying until he got turned into a vampire, Edward Cullen getting turned by Carlisle cuz he was dying of the Spanish flu anyone?)

Second of all, Mark was probably never properly socialized as a child or before he became an adult vampire, and I think we can all agree that while Khun Milf is a Mother figure for Mark, she is not exactly the poster person to help someone figure out what the fuck emotional processing is (which okay not her fault, alright, she has an entire vampire empire to run and children to grow for their golden blood 😤, go queen), and as a vamp, as he is basically Khun Milf's personal guard dog he doesn't really have friends either (ep 2)

Like Auntie Wan is there and would probably make for a better teacher for all of this emotion stuff but when you've always been a way, you aren't necessarily aware that something is wrong and u need to change it, and again Khun Milf has no advantage in Mark getting better (she got a bag to get, as is her Vampire Empress God Given Right), so I don't see her pointing him in that direction, except that by making him Tong's main guard, she kinda accidentally did?

Part 3 : The Bodyguard (1992) starring Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner

While since Mark got close to him the changes in Mark have been accelerating (thank you Tong and your fluids we are forever grateful), Guarding Tong has been changing Mark for a while now, emotionally I mean, and how I know this? First of all, the goddamn guitar (ep2)

Like yes it is important you dumbass, like I cannot stress enough how to guard Tong it was not necessary to give him gifts, like this isn't anywhere in the bodyguard handbook, in all those years watching over Tong, Mark genuinely took interests in Tong as a person (which is something Tong craves, because he feels like people consider him as a breakable object needing protection more than a person with an agency), and for someone who has no feeling for anything or anyone, that is a huge goddamn step towards caring for something/someone else, second of all the rose necklace (ep 1)

This fucking necklace, while it was given accidentally at first, is also a genuine gift for multiple reason, like obviously after ep 3 Mark gave that to Tong consciously and permanently, but when it stopped Mark dead in his Golden Blood Lust, it wasn't, and yet that necklace had became of symbol of who he protecting and caring for, so he could not hurt Tong any further

Part 4 : feelings vs vampire senses, unstoppable force vs immovable object (or is it more like hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby?)

So we've established Mark doesn't know how to process emotions or feelings, but the thing is, Mark does know what being a vampire is, he has been that for a while now, so when the emotional changes in Mark started being noticeable by Mark, there was a very huge fucking problem in the way

Tong, being the resident Vampire Tasty Fluids Fountain that he is, a fountain that Mark has sampled multiple times at that, is making it fucking impossible for Mark to differentiate between his feelings for Tong that are slowly growing stronger and the effect of those goddamn fluids on his vampire senses, so when Tong got angry, Mark could not tell why he cared so much about it and immediately blamed it on The Tong Fluids Intakes (ep 3)

But the thing is Mark does genuinely like Tong outside his duty as a vampire bodyguard & the delectable nectar of Tong's various bodily fluids (sweat, as the one that is the most recent), and we know this not only because of the gifts (see part 3), but also because Tong genuinely makes Mark laugh which we only see him do around Tong, and Tong brings out his sense of humor too

He wants to show Tong that he can really take cares of him, and want him to try new things (ep 3)

He also sees how sad Tong is to only be filming a video for Miss Nuan's birthday and immediately decides that he is taking Tong there to see her instead, he let Tong go back to the dorms and to Tonkla, after seeing how restless, bored and lonely Tong is with him and the fight in ep 3, because he thinks that's what Tong would like, even if he thinks Tong would be safer in the house with him

Again Mark doesn't need to be doing all of this, like his job IS to be a bodyguard that's all, but for some unknown reasons (to him at least, my eyes are wide open) he is doing his best so that Tong is comfortable and happy, because he likes seeing Tong comfortable and happy

[chaoticbardlady99]

More than Your Hard Days (Sylus x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: It's been a shit day and you really have no desire to end up at the bottom of a bottle again. Thankfully, you don't have to go through this alone. (GN! due to no real reason for gender to be specified)

CW: Mentions of alcohol abuse, mentions of grief, descriptions of thoughts of self-hatred/ self-deprecating language, descriptions of vomiting.

Author Note: I've been having a really difficult time lately with coping using alcohol again so here's my self-indulgent fic in my desperate attempt to NOT go drink. (Please do not read if you feel you will be triggered- take care of you please). All reblogs, loves, and comments are appreciated. If you have anything untoward to say about alcoholism or myself (or anyone else in the comments), you will be deleted and blocked. Addiction isn't easy. If you are wanting to become sober- please educate yourself about the dangers of alcohol withdrawal and seek medical support as needed. You are not weak, you are not less than, and you deserve to live a happy, healthy life. You got this!

*this, my friends, is not edited well 🤭🤫😏

You hate the grocery store- especially after the week you had.

Between the stress of social commitments and the recent increasing demands at work, you haven’t really been given a moment to decompress or even begin to help yourself and when you finally do, someone else needs something from you.

 You haven’t had a single drink in three months and you have been determined to remain completely sober for at least a year- a hard reset. You wouldn’t call yourself an alcoholic, but you certainly began teetering on that ledge when Caleb and Gran died.

It hadn’t been something you confided in someone about until Sylus had arrived at your house in the middle of one of your intense crying and drinking sessions, took care of you when you ultimately blacked out, and he stayed by your side even when you were miserable with a hangover. After that, you wanted to get a handle on this- Sylus deserves the best and you aren’t your best when alcohol is involved. 

 One night often turns into two, then three, then four, and then suddenly it’s been a month and you feel like you may keel over from a small breeze. You have been fighting this on and off for longer than three months, this is the first consistent streak. 

 However, the bottle of hard alcohol in front of you at the store is begging to go home and be consumed.

 Think about how much fun it will be, it seems to say to you, you’ll be floating like a fluffy cloud. No sadness. No real thoughts- just silly, happy, bubbly fun. Let me be there for you- let me help you feel better.

But it never is just that, is it? Your brain adds, you can’t control yourself. You’re incapable of it. You pick up that bottle and you may as well forfeit the entire sober thing because you’re a goddamn failure and might as well accept your painful liver cirrhosis-filled death in twenty years. 

 It’s a glass bottle- it can’t hurt you if you don’t let it. It can’t open the lid and make you drink it’s own contents. It doesn’t have any actual power. 

 And yet, it’s the most powerful villain you’ve ever faced. 

 What would Sylus think? The inner bully says, I bet he’ll leave you. Why should he have to date someone who isn’t adult enough to handle their booze?

 You gulp- your mouth is dry and your heart pounding. The distress of losing your relationship is only pushing you to want to drink even more.

 Sylus knows what you are attempting to do and he is completely supportive- alcohol at his base basically vanished after you made your declaration of sobriety and he doesn’t drink in front of you at all. It’s odd watching him try to find any other flavored drink he likes- so far he has decided soda isn’t his thing- and it’s been fun for you too. It has reminded you that there are more fun, healthier things to enjoy that don’t destroy you from the inside out. 

 You should call him- tell him you’re struggling. He would come and get you, take you away from here, and somehow you would still end up with groceries in your fridge. Sylus told you to call him whenever- for anything- and he said he wants to help you. 

 No, this is your problem, you lazy fuck. The voice rings through your head, stop bothering others with your shit. Stop pinning this on others- it’s not their fault you can’t handle yourself. It’s not their fault you’re weak.

 A shaking hand begins to reach for the bottle without you wanting it to- you can feel the dopamine and serotonin practically flowing into your nerves. 

 Your stomach turns over and you can already feel the hangover waiting for you tomorrow. 

 The regret. The fear.

 The shame. 

 Holding onto your toilet and being afraid your eyeballs may pop straight out of your head- straining against the floor in pain as you try to get rid of the nausea and beg whatever entity out there to save you from yourself.

 Crying in the shower with a headache and wondering why you cannot stop- will not stop- and feeling trapped in this ferris wheel of hell forever. You are so scared and your stomach hurts even looking at the alcohol and yet…

 Just one more inch…

 A hand catches yours and twirls you around right before you make contact with the bottle- you almost drop your basket in your hands but a red string of energy is quickly holding it back up to you along with Crimson eyes filled with nothing but concern and you would even say determination. 

“Sy-Sylus?” You sputter, “what the hell are you doing here?”

 He doesn’t actually answer your question- just begins pulling you away from your vice and your medicine. 

“I saw your favorite frozen pizza, Kitten,” he drags you away from the alcohol section, “and your favorite muffins in the bakery and those snacks-“

  Logically- you know you shouldn’t feel so offended or hurt because that is not his intention, but the beast that still desires the bottle on the shelf is not having it.

 Does he really not believe in you? Does he not think you are capable of stopping yourself on your own?

 Well- you aren’t. 

 That doesn’t stop the uncomfortable feelings from swirling together in a montage of self-hatred and it doesn’t help your already fragile and bruised self-esteem. 

 You feel so… embarrassed. 

“Did you follow me into the store?” You feel like a child who has been caught with their hand in the cookie jar, “I don’t need a babysitter.” 

 It seems to catch him by surprise for a second- you typically aren’t snippy when your favorite foods are involved and he was certain it would be the right redirection. 

 But he knows you better than that, doesn’t he? In spite of everything, you are a prideful person.

 You don’t openly accept help without it being a mental wrestling match of self-doubt and hatred for being “weak”. You feel like a burden and like you need to be ready for others at any given moment while you (the metaphorical ship) continues to sink. Sylus loves that you are selfless and caring- he thinks anyone who knows you is lucky to even have the opportunity to. 

 But it will never matter what he tells you- you, to you, are meant to be entirely independent and to only depend on yourself. One day he hopes that may change- that you will be willing to depend on him more freely- but for now, he merely needs to protect you from the day you’ve had.

 Sylus shakes his head with a smile, squeezing your hand gently. You are still emotionally a bit of a poofy kitten, but he isn’t afraid of your scratch or your bite. In fact, he would even say he welcomes it. Sylus is happy to show you that he’s not just here for when life is easy. 

“I was heading to your apartment anyway, sweetie,” he says firmly, “I was going to try to poke your side and get revenge, but instead, I noticed you eyeing these bottles.

Sylus twirls you towards the alcohol, “if you want to buy a bottle, then by all means, I won’t stop you. I support you either way and will be here on the other side of that decision.”

 He knows you are still learning to trust him- he knows that substances and struggling with them is not a linear path, but rather a swirly straw that is tangled within itself. You knew this going into it- you told him such and gave him his out- he has no intention of getting off of this highway now, even if you relapse. 

“Even if I am throwing up in the toilet?”

“I’ll be there to keep your hair out of your beautiful face.” 

  You had been prepared for a battle- to feel belittled and to have to fight to prove yourself. Instead, whatever desire to grab the bottle and cope with the stress… vanishes. Not entirely, but the urge isn’t strong. There is still a pull, but…

“You’ll support me either way?”

 Sylus nods and squeezes your hand again, placing a kiss on your knuckles.

“And if you float away,” he pulls you towards him, the faint glow of the linkage emphasizing his point, “I’ll keep you anchored in place so you don’t accidentally go too far.” 

“Why?”

“Because I believe in you,” he says simply, “and because you are more than your hard days.” 

 There’s a lump in your throat that is sticky like glue. You always take care of others- you are always taking on more than you can carry because no one else wants to and everyone needs you.

 You- alone- floating in space and fighting to find something to hang onto. Now you have Sylus to help keep you in place and he believes in you.

 With one final glance at the bottle of alcohol on the shelf- you take a deep inhale and exhale with a large sigh. Your callused fingers hold onto his tightly, grounding yourself in him- his strength, your strength. You are a team and together, you can truly achieve anything.

 You can do this.

 Walking in the direction of the frozen pizza, you pull Sylus along behind you. 

“Where did you say you saw those muffins?”

[aliciajadee]

Hey y'all! It's been quite a while since I last posted online, and I know many of you've wondered where I've been. I've been trying to figure out the best way to update you all, but I've found that figuring it out hasn't been easy. I thought I'd just start with a little post here. It's been 165 days since I've uploaded a full-length video to YouTube, and almost a month since I've posted on TikTok. I didn't mean to disappear from the internet, and it's not that I haven't wanted to create and upload it, but that I just haven't been capable. The first few months of 2025 were not the best time for me. I was struggling with my mental health immensely, and as a result, my physical health declined too. I ended up in the hospital with complications relating to my T1D, and that took a really big toll on me. Talking about my mental health and chronic illnesses is something I've always tried to be open about with you because it's real. Just like you all, I am human. I struggle and I get stuck, sometimes (a lot of the time) I need help and time to heal and quite frankly get my shit together. I want to just say thank you all for allowing me that time I so desperately needed. 

For months, I was anxious about making a return to YouTube. I was running low on inspiration, and every time I pulled out the camera, nothing felt right. I just felt like anything I tried to make wasn't good enough. I was receiving messages and comments every day asking where I was, for the most part they were kind messages but a lot of them were hostile and made me feel like crap. All I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and rot. 

Then I started back at school with my Photography course! I've talked about this on my channel before and for the most part it’s going really well. I found it difficult to try wrap my head around my coursework, my job and doing social media, I was only just getting back on track and the thought of having so much on my plate was (and still is a little) extremely overwhelming. So I stopped prioritising making content because it stressed me out. That’s the truth of it.

About a month or so ago I felt like I was ready to come back. I was excited to be making content again and I felt like I had a hold on everything. Then I got adenovirus… 2025 really isn't my year y’all. 

Basically this virus gave me conjunctivitis and I wasn't able to see or really open my eyes for over 2 weeks. It was hell. The virus has now cleared, i'm no longer super contagious, i don't look like a zombie but it did leave me with scarring on my corneas. No, I'm not kidding. I cannot see. My vision has significantly decreased, even when I'm wearing my glasses it makes no difference. I haven't been able to go to my classes for almost a month now. I can't really see anything, even writing this has been quite difficult. Hopefully my vision returns soon, I'm seeing specialists and doctors weekly but this has been really hard for me. 

I'll probably make a video talking about all of this soon but for now I'm just focusing on trying to get better. I really hope you can understand. 

I love you and hope to be back real soon xoxo

-Alicia

[byemambo]

Jimmy Karn - The Realities of Mental Health: A Deep Dive

Poppy has done it again with featuring Jimmy as a guest on his most recent podcast episode. As someone who relates to Jimmy's story while knowing him since the WHY R U? days, I was touched by his courage and honesty in sharing his experience with his depression. I firmly believe that more conversations regarding mental health awareness, especially in the entertainment industry, should be more commonplace and open more doors to other nuanced realities that humans, no matter their status, deal with on a daily basis.

"I can't remember everything back then, [can you] believe that?"

I most certainly can because I've been there, done that, but unfortunately, I still deal with memory issues from my own mental health illnesses (general anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, ADHD, the whole shabang). When your mind is trapped in a cycle of fear, worry, dread, and other feelings of worthlessness and hypercritical behaviors, that also contributes to poorer quality of living in general: neglected hygiene, irregular food intake, quality of sleep (if any), little to no social interaction, low self esteem, and many more. With the demands of the entertainment industry with maximizing profit margins, quick turnarounds for projects, strenuous work days, and other experiences that can heighten the symptoms of depression, as a fellow artist/creative, making mistakes or being unable to perform well becomes damaging to one's psyche. Our art is our world, our art is our response, our art is our life.

I think most artists/creatives deal with many stress points from literally the moment we're born in this pro capitalist society that frowns upon artistic freedoms and expression:

How are you going to make a living? You think you're hot shit? Quit acting like you'll be something and go get a real job. Are you sure this is what you want to do? How are you doing to feed your family one day? This is an unstable job, you'll never make it.

In a world where our art is stolen, trampled on, questioned, undervalued, and completely ripped out of our bare hands, the doubt and nagging nurtures an individual with crippling low self esteem and confidence, an individual who believes that they must prove themselves to a world that refuses to love them unconditionally, an individual who has been thrown around to a point where they'd rather chooses death over life. As graphic and harsh as it may sound, that is a very real experience that unfortunately, has statistics and brave souls alive to tell their tales.

I didn't understand the world and life...I only thought about why I had to put up with that. I didn't talk, I just kept quiet...I always thought it over in my head, but didn't speak out.

When your internal thoughts become intrusive to a point of seeping into every aspect of your life, eventually, it becomes a new sense of "reality." Days turn into weeks turn into months where your passions and love slowly fade into the abyss, where darkness becomes your closest companion, where everything feels like nothing at all. With depression specifically, you literally stop being able to experience the world around you, internally and externally. There's such a discrepancy in regulating your daily living that you just simply, aren't able to try.

Jimmy briefly mentioned how before his depression, he could memorize his scripts with little effort, but the expectations of perfection and concentration diminished his trust within himself.

The more mistakes I made, the more my confidence got ruined. I actually thought about leaving the business. It was so bad that I didn't want to live anymore.

When my depression and anxiety used to be really bad, despite learning how to draw and paint ever since I was a little kid with 20+ years of experience (give or take haha), all you know is what you're capable of and your best performances. The moments where you were praised, the moments where you were trusted with being the correct choice, the moments where you were showered with adoration and excellence: what happens when that person is incapable of creating the same results due to circumstances beyond their own awareness and knowledge? The appraisal and applause turn into resentment and criticism, and if you have very little understanding about your own mental well being in that moment, your emotions cling onto those self identifying value systems of failure and poor performance. You lose your ability to validate your own reality rooted in a deeper issue that no one else can see by yourself.

Those with unstable minds will have lots of doubts and questions. Mostly I had questions, questions that you can't answer. No idea how to fix [them]. [You become] so lost that you don't know how to continue living, knowing only sadness and frustration. Why bother living, just end it there, right? It's like you lose an arm and leg in an accident, it was that bad. The wound doesn't show though. They see you as whole. You never know [what's] inside their mind. How broken they are. That was me and I could represent many that might be watching and are in my shoes.

For many of us, mental health overtakes every aspect of our lives to a point where ending it all is the only solution to put us out of our miseries. I've been there, and alongside going to therapy and actively challenging the core beliefs I held for myself to survive the circumstances of my childhood, I completely agree with Jimmy's statement here:

Don't find excuses, rise up and fight. You want happiness? Grab it now.

From my own experience: I had to relearn patience towards myself, showing grace towards myself, showing compassion towards myself, and that meant dismantling all that I knew and implementing deliberate choices that will lead me down a path of self love, self care, self advocacy, self control, self worthiness. I had to learn that the challenges posed in my life from my mental health disorders were simply a "feature of my illness," rather than allowing self deprecation and abuse remain in control of my discipline. Actively choosing love and positive reinforcement over hatred and punishment. Understanding that self improvement and personal growth is meant to be challenging and hard, not some walk in the park or solved with a flip of a switch. Being realistic about how growth isn't always exponential and directly in front of your face but that slow and steady wins the race. Learning that the point is resilience, not to find a singular solution to a singular problem only for those problems to occur in our lives over and over and over again in multiple iterations and phases. That every moment has its place to teach lessons that'll prepare me for a lifetime of happiness and joy, only if I choose to open my eyes and receive its message with confidence and trust in my capabilities.

I still have depressing moments. So don't say "just keep fighting." It happened to me and I wonder if they knew how hard I had already fought.

Some of the most "positive" and kindest souls you cross paths with, whether in your personal life or as strangers, have their skeletons in their closets, have their own doubts and fears, have won their own battles, and most certainly, have their own victories and pockets of happiness that they have no hesitation in sharing their stories and encouraging words if that means helping others win their own battles. I've shared this sentiment with friends before: it's one thing to choose death and ending it all, it's a completely different ball game to choose life and continuing to live on.

And finally for the part I felt that's most important to express and what had inspired this post: choose kindness, choose compassion, choose intention, choose deliberation, choose mindfulness, choose consideration. I'm so happy and grateful that Jimmy shared his story with us, I feel so much pride relating to his strength and his confidence in his experiences, knowing that he understands the significance of his presence in this life. I feel very strongly about people who come into online spaces and harass others or share damning words and sentiments towards one anther while refusing to acknowledge what could be happening in someone else's personal life outside of our knowledge.

It takes nothing to be courteous and to share kind words to one another, and to contribute to a space filled with negativity and undeserved hatred and entitlement over someone's autonomy and mere existence is not only pathetic to me, but makes me pity those who believe they can express those feelings without consequence. Love and adoration is so infectious and needed now more than ever, so why not be a part of that? If not in the spaces and communities you currently reside in, why not somewhere else where you can be authentic about your love and admiration without needing to put others down? Why stick around in a place where you sour the air and drive others away with your reckless behavior and attitudes? Why choose to beat down when you're very capable of uplifting others? Why wake up every single day entering the world fists first? What are you fighting against? What are you protecting yourself from? Where are you failing to show up for yourself that you believe in harming others and in turn, harming yourself? That is the question.

[astonmartinii]

HI! Hope you are well! I have no clue if you are taking requests or not, but if you are, could you maybe do a smau with carlos sainz x ferrari!reader? Where the reader is part of the ferrari family, and when her father passes away, she will take on the company? And like, all of the tifosi love her loads, bcs she's just lovely to them all no matter what, and they see carlos slowly 'fall in love' with her then soft launch their relationship, and it turns out they had been dating for ages? If you can, ty!!

are you going to be my girl? | carlos sainz social media au

pairing: carlos sainz x fem ferrari!reader

it's not a HR violation if you were dating before she became your boss and it's not nepotism if it's her company.

yournameferrari

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 872,309 others

yournameferrari: first race weekend, let's go girls 🏁

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user1: i am SCARED i am weirdly optimistic 🤔

user2: i have faith, the article about her and the whole new team... she's cooking

carlossainz55: excited to take her out for a spin

yournameferrari: lets keep all the spinning for the doughnuts at the end of the season please

carlossainz55: i'll try my best, no promises though

yournameferrari: okay stop commenting on my post and get ready to drive, you're wearing my name

carlossainz55: let me know when you want to wear mine

user3: yall it's not even been one race and carlos is flirting with his boss, they weren't lying f1 drivers really are fearless

sebastianvettel: feels like just the other day when you first visted the garage, you'll smash it!

yournameferrari: thanks seb! can't wait to see you again, give hanna and the kids my love

user4: i love that she's 23 but literally talks like a grandma

user5: the stress of ferrari does tend to age a person

charles_leclerc: forza ferrari ❤️ we'll make you proud

yournameferrari: i have all the faith in the world in you boys

user6: a ferarri owner who actually publicly supports the drivers? i've prayed for times like this

user7: ahhh i met her this weekend and she really loves the tifosi like she spent so long with us and signed as much as she could

carlossainz55

liked by yournameferrari, landonorris and 893,209 others

carlossainz55: great weekend all round, happy to be back on the podium - thank you to y/n and all the team for building us a car we can win in !!

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user9: don't shoot me but did we all see the way carlos was looking at y/n on the podium

user10: bestie i hate to tell you but there was like 100 ferrari workers at that podium he could've been looking at literally any of them

yournameferrari: you boys made the ferrari name proud this weekend ❤️

carlossainz55: couldn't have done it without you and the team

yournameferrari: you're too kind, take pride in your own achievements

carlossainz55: only if you celebrate with me

user11: are we witnessing the smooth operator in real time?

user12: it's like seeing a unicorn in the woods

landonorris: congrats chilli 🌶️ are we all celebrating or is it just you two?

carlossainz55: all of us? why wouldn't it be everyone?

landonorris: no reason ....

user13: maybe it's because carlos' eyes pop out of his head like a looney tunes whenever he's around y/n ferrari

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc

carlossainz55: you realise i get the notifications when you guys like comments, right?

landonorris: well my PR team wouldn't like it if i commented it myself

carlossainz55: i wonder if there is a reason for that 🤔

user14: carlando domestics in the comment section we are so back

scuderiaferrari

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 803,451 others

tagged: yournameferrari

scuderiaferrari: no race this weekend? we'll give you a #️⃣ asky/n to give you your ferrari content this weekend!

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user15: what is your favourite race?

yournameferrari: besides the obvious choices of imola and monza, i really enjoy suzuka and spa !

user16: who is a driver you would've loved to have managed?

yournameferrari: the obvious answer is michael schumacher, but i also would've loved to work with seb and kimi and jean alesi!

user17: how do you feel about taking over ferrari so young?

yournameferrari: it's definitely daunting, especially when no one really knew i existed. i was scared when it came to the staff overhaul as they had been there for so long and i was scared that it would massively backfire, but so far so good.

user18: tbf it's been a long time coming

user19: what would you do if you weren't owning ferrari?

yournameferrari: to be honest, ferrari and motorsport is all i have ever known, but, i also enjoy most other sports like football, ice skating and golf. but outside of sport i would've loved to pursue writing, i love poetry and essays!

user20: GOLF? cue carlos sainz in 3...2...1

carlossainz55: let's go for a round after my next sim session ⛳️

yournameferrari: only if you're ready to lose

user21: i am having ... feelings about this pairing

user22: how do you feel about charles' music?

yournameferrari: i always think it is good to have another passion, especially with how all-consuming formula one can become. i personally love charles' music and will often put it on when i do yoga or read (though my favourite is AUS23)

charles_leclerc: thank you y/n !!!

user23: is this *rubs eyes* an owner with a good relationship with the drivers???

f1gossipgirl

liked by user28, user29 and 4,130 others

tagged: yournameferrari, pierregasly

f1gossipgirl: AWKWARD MOMENT ALERT 🚨 y/n ferrari had harsh word for pierre gasly when they crossed paths in the paddock. gasly, whose dangerous driving put carlos sainz in the medical centre, seemed shocked that ferrari would have a problem with him. sources in the paddock said that ferrari admonished the frenchman, "you have a lot of gall in the media gasly, everyone saw how dangerous that was, you can't blame your own shortcomings on alpha tauri or adrian newey now. keep your car away from my drivers or we'll have a real problem." oop. allegedly gasly only replied with a wink and a "anything for you sweetheart" which caused y/n to storm off and knock his shoulder on the way past. who is in the right?

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user30: THAT'S MY OWNER RIGHT THERE

user31: y/n owned gasly

user32: not only was he dangerous on track he's also super disrespectful off, y/n is expressing her concerns over her driver who could've been seriously injured and he just flirts with her ???

user33: pierre is super in the wrong here but also it's so refreshing to see someone in management actually have the drivers back

user34: gone were the days of begging ferrari to even appeal penalties

user35: my friend was in the paddock and apparently vasseur had to hold sainz back after he was told about what pierre had done

user36: the way he's more mad that pierre disrespected y/n than nearly killing him

user37: idk why she's getting involved, no need to talk to the drivers like that, you're the owner, know your place

liked by pierregasly

user38: something insidious about the man liking a comment telling a woman to know her place 🤨

user39: he acts the victim in every situation and yet HE is the common denominator

user40: after ^^^ this whole mess i need carlos to scrap pierre

user41: i feel like he actually would that man is in love with y/n lol

yournameferrari

liked by carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari and 903,451 others

yournameferrari: happy summer break everyone !! going into the break leading the constructor's championship lead is amazing but we aim to finish the season with both trophies back in maranello. see you in zandvoort x

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user42: A MAN?

user43: i was delusional to think that a young successful and smart woman wasn't cuffed :(

sebastianvettel: are you still planning to swing by switzerland?

yournameferrari: we'll be there!

this comment was deleted

yournameferrari: i'll be there!

user44: girl we saw that

user45: the way she posts her soft launch but deletes a comment that says she might bring him to visit seb?

user46: visiting seb is a big deal tbf

user47: the way carlos HAS to have her notifications on mans was here after 30 seconds

user48: has better reaction time for y/n's instagram post than a race start 😭

carlossainz55: working on my swing, ready for our round of golf

yournameferrari: get ready to be humbled

carlossainz55: if you're as pro as you say i may have to upgrade us to crazy golf

yournameferrari: as long as i get the red ball

carlossainz55: deal

user49: are we FLIRTING 👀 ???????

carlossainz55

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tagged: yournameferrari

carlossainz55: took a break from swimming to get my ass whooped by my boss on the golf course

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user50: oh the fit - Y/N CAME TO PLAY

landonorris: just how bad was the whopping? before i propose a paddock golf tournament

carlossainz55: she'll ruin the sport for you it's not fair

landonorris: you didn't put up any sort of fight?

carlossainz55: i TRIED but as soon as i saw the custom clubs i knew it was over

yournameferrari: i have a confession, i was literally on my college golf team, i had a lot of practice sorry x

carlossainz55: so you're basically a professional? that's comforting

yournameferrari: not really a professional but a very dedicated amateur

user51: babe you literally won the national championship at stanford stop playing with this man

yournameferrari: oops? 😬

user52: right, i don't mean to sound crazy, but i have a theory. the third pic looks very familiar to me, is it a lake in switzerland? the switzerland one SEBASTIAN VETTEL lives in and that y/n ferrari said she was going to visit this summer with someone?

user53: i fear you've made a point

user54: as much as they'd be literally the hottest couple in the world ... is it not a bit weird for carlos to date his boss? like... also what does this mean for potential favouritism?

user55: i get those concerns but we've already seen this season that decisions have been made both ways. unlike the binotto era ferrari actually are making the two first drivers thing work

user56: based on what y/n has said in the past i don't think she'd favour carlos because of a relationship, i think she's too ruthless to potentially sacrifice points to benefit her potential boyfriend

f1

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 1,239,861 others

tagged: carlossainz55

f1: the smooth operator is back to winning ways with his win under the singapore lights. it was a double podium for ferrari and a DNF for sergio perez means that ferrari are constructors champions once again!

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user60: Y/N FERRARI THE WOMAN YOU ARE AND HOLY SHIT HER AND CARLOS KISSING DID SOMETHING TO ME

user61: we really went from xavi and not having any tyres to proper professionals and the WCC trust the WDC will be coming back home soon

carlossainz55: tifosi, we'll get the big one next year ❤️

user62: CONSTRUCTOR CHAMPIONS AND YOU BAGGED Y/N FERRARI U WON AT LIFE

landonorris: so you made me find out with everyone else? i see how it is

carlossainz55: sorry landito, didn't intend for anyone to find out just yet but i guess i got a little carried away..

yournameferrari: a little?

carlossainz55: sorry but i've been good all year and finally got the win and the championship i couldn't help myself (you also looked so good sorry)

yournameferrari: i guess i can give you that (you're also very sexy post-race)

charles_leclerc: well i for one am super happy that i never opened the door when i heard a suspicious sound coming from y/n's office

yournameferrari: omg delete please i stubbed my toe i swear !!!!

charles_leclerc: no one is believing that i'm sorry

carlossainz55: we've never done anything untoward on ferrari property

landonorris: untoward? who are you?

carlossainz55: my gf is super duper college educated and it's rubbing off on me

landonorris: AHAHAHA RUBBING OFF

yournameferrari: 🤨

landonorris: sorry.

carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, yournameferrari and 1,034,510 others

tagged: yournameferrari

carlossainz55: suprise ! i guess it wasn't to be just ours forever, but i love you y/n and will give everything to you and your name x

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user62: boyfriend in the first slide and girlfriend in the others he's so real

yournameferrari: i know this secret was hard for you to keep so i'm proud of you regardless, i love you 🫶

carlossainz55: honestly any time anyone in the paddock flirted with you i thought i would explode

yournameferrari: i've seen your dm requests, spare me

carlossainz55: but now they know, i can unleash all of my pictures of you and i can flex on everyone

user63: dream threesome list just got a new update

landonorris: first slide for me i know that's right

carlossainz55: i am forgiven for not telling you about my relationship? the two years were tough

landonorris: TWO YEARS?

carlossainz55: your tone sounds kinda off

landonorris: you can shove your first slide up your ass 👍 TWO YEARS?????

carlossainz55: tbf i couldn't really announce to the world that i was dating the woman who would someday become the owner of my team

landonorris: give me three business days and i'll be okay

scuderiaferrari: parents ❤️

charles_leclerc: happy for you guys but never ask me to take pictures of you again x

yournameferrari: you did such a good job though!

charles_leclerc: unless i see a photographer bonus in my contract i will not be third wheeling for free

yournameferrari: noted (you're not getting the bonus)

charles_leclerc: it was worth the try

yournameferrari

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tagged: carlossainz55

yournameferrari: what a crazy first season. i am unbelievably proud of the boys and the team, we'll bring both championships back to maranello next season ❤️

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user64: she is everything i want to be

user65: tbf after last season i never thought we would win a race this season and her overhaul and ruthlessness has actually changed the game. also her and carlos are super cute

carlossainz55: i love you and thank you for our season. here's to the best winter break with you

yournameferrari: finally you can spend christmas the ferrari way

user66: how do we also get an invite to this christmas.. do you have any brothers? cousins? uncles?

carlossainz55: you're so so so beautiful, pretty, bewitching, ravishing, stunning and irresistible

yournameferrari: i love you too handsome

carlossainz55: can you also humble my dad at golf please and thank you

yournameferrari: we'll go doubles for the sainz golf tournament and have NO MERCY

user67: someone tell y/n the season is over and that she doesn't need to ruin sainz snr's christmas on the golf course

yournameferrari: the ferrari name never rests sorry not sorry

user68: yeah yeah the constructor championship finally came back to ferrari but this relationship is the real win from this season

user69: carlos finally found someone as old money as him

user70: and is actually old money, babes has that ferrari money

carlossainz55: i can retire early and be the house husband

yournameferrari: you will not retire early i expect you to be kicking it in that car until you're at least alonso's age

carlossainz55: but after that i can be the house husband a HAB?

yournameferrari: to your hearts content :) no one prettier i'd want on my arm x

note: hope you enjoyed i was BATTLING the writers block on this one lol. but i hope this is what you were looking for