#the onion articles

[neil-gaiman]

“Tori has become so trans that she can enter every single bathroom in the continental United States simultaneously, and there’s absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop her,” said Cincinnati city officials in a statement echoed by officials in thousands of other towns and cities across the nation, where every single stall in both public and private bathrooms is being currently occupied under the formidable capacities of the single trans individual.

[twisted-deal]

guys today's paper just dropped and i think i know these guys

References -> [x] [x] [x]

[98chao]

i cant even draw actual art anymore

[quodo-gaysex]

[venacoeurva]

Gotta get comfy!

-Please do not reupload/edit/use-

Orig

[imperatorrrrr]

new article/q&a about Nico Hischier just dropped.

best tidbits below:

Q: What moment in your life would you like to experience again? A: The moment when I stepped onto the ice before my first NHL game.

Q: Common misconception about hockey players? A: That goalies are a bit crazy for standing in goal and letting pucks get shot at them.

Q: Which sports star's training would you like to follow? A: I would be interested to know how Roger Federer trains.

Q: What title would you give your biography? A: From Little Valais to Big New York

Q: Last time you cried? A: After the World Cup final there were emotional moments and some tears were shed. I had never played in a final before, now I know what it feels like. And when you lose, the motivation for the next time is even greater so that you don't experience that feeling again.

Q: What didn't you eat as a child that you like to eat now? A: Onions! As a child I hated them, my mother was not allowed to cook anything with onions. And today I love them.

Q: Most emotional locker room moment? A: Difficult, because there were a few. Emotionally, it's not easy when players are traded during the season or coaches who have been with the club for a long time have to leave. These are not pleasant conversations as a team. In contrast, the moment when the playoffs are clinched, for example, is very special. That's why there is no one moment; in the locker room it's a rollercoaster of emotions.

Q: What advice do you give to young players who dream of the NHL? A: Don't be afraid to make mistakes, because you learn from them. Go your own way, have fun in training and in games.

Q: Are you afraid of getting older? A: No, I try to have the attitude of looking forward to what is still to come.

Q: Four weeks in a monastery or in prison – what would you choose? A: To the monastery, of course

Q: What could you never be persuaded to do? A: A dance competition

Q: What household chore do you put off the longest? A: Vacuuming

Q: What prank have your teammates played on you? A: In the locker room, your helmet is always on the top shelf. They put a cup of water underneath it. If you take your helmet off the shelf, you pour the water on your face. I found out a few years ago that this is a popular joke.

Q: When can you laugh at yourself? A: When I’m in a good mood I can always laugh at myself

Q: What are women better at than men? A: Oh, in many things. They are better at coordinating things, they can absorb a lot of information better and faster. Luckily there are women.

[bigcatbulges]

Source - DrawReshi

(Artist's Bluesky and Telegram Channel for art)

[lunapegasus]

[browniesnivy]

Morioh reacts to Josuke coming out.

Bonus:

[enbeees]

[tonydaddingham]

[jianghushenanigans]

cinnamon rolls, lotus tower edition

(here's to Fang Duobing's canonically high kill count)

[tigerbears]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

The Onion had an article about someone with extreme temperature sensitivity and called them "The First Ectothermic Human" and Fox used it to claim that lizard people are real.

[koilarist]

And I ain't afraid to use it.

I made One Joke about Whiskey, decided to sketch it, blacked out, and when I came to again I had This to show for it. Okay then.

[easyaesthetics]