#the one that dipper holds... bald...

[nenoname]

constantly thinking about the mr mystery bobbleheads

[darkspine10]

GF Fanfic - Fallout

Dipper and Mabel Vs. The Past (42,392 words) by darkspine10

Chapters: 9/9

Fandom: Gravity Falls

Rating: Teen and Up

“Now… pull.”

Bang!

The crackers burst open all around the dinner table as the Pines family pulled them apart in unison. At the head of the table, Dipper cheered. “Wahey! Nice one, Merrise.”

She was clutching the larger half of the paper cracker, eagerly pulling out the gift inside. She found a green paper crown and put it on. It fit snugly on her bald head. She continued rummaging around. “Ooh, there’s a little spinning top.” She flicked her wrist, sending the wooden toy careening past her plate of turkey slices. Dipper grabbed it as it fell off the edge of the table.

“It’s a dreidel actually, but close enough.” He sent it going again so it spun in place between himself and Merrise. Wendy, sitting in her high-chair beside her sister, was transfixed by the spinning motion.

Dipper’s own dinner plate was loaded down with dumplings and a noodle dish, the same as his sister’s. Pacifica and Merrise’s grandparents had the same as her, turkey alongside mashed potatoes and cooked vegetables, while Zera was sustained on a plate that consisted entirely of sushi. When asked by Mrs Pines if that was akin to cannibalism, Zera had simply flashed her pearly whites and bitten down on a shrimp puff.

Zera was now holding the floppy remains of the cracker she’d pulled with Mabel, looking at it like something was missing. She’d got the short end. “What are these things anyway?”

“It’s a human seasonal tradition, in some parts of the planet at least,” Pacifica explained. She was sitting opposite, wearing a contented tipsy grin. The Christmas sherry she’d partaken in was already having an effect. “Forget about it. You’ll learn the ropes soon enough. I mean, I needed Mason to explain what taxes were when I was 17 for crying out loud, there’s always something new to discover.”

“It’s not a human tradition. It’s an old family tradition!” Mr Pines thumped his chest, and Mrs Pines and the twins gave a chorus of ‘Pines!’. “Some of Mary’s older generations lived in London before emigrating and they brought it over with them.”

“Humans are weird,” Merrise giggled, drawing a smile from her aunt Zera and lighthearted complaints from everyone else sitting around the table.

Dipper hushed them all by clinking a fork against his glass. “Quiet down everyone. If I could have a moment of your time-”

“Boo, no speech!” Mabel jeered. “We did that last time we met up. No talk, only eat!”

“I won’t be long Mabes, jeez.” She pouted, but quieted down nonetheless. “Thank you. On this day two years ago, Mabel, Pacifica, and myself were in India. We’d meet Zera for the first time only a few days later, and hadn’t even begun our journey into the multiverse where we met Merrise.” His thumb played with the neck of his glass. “Now to have you all here, with no disguises, fully revealed at my parents’ table, it’s… like a dream come true. Cheers!” He downed his sherry. Everyone raised their glasses in toast, though Merrise only had fruit juice to toast with. “So Merry Christmas to all of you goobers! Happy Hanukkah! Xochtil Assura Tengosa Mulakht to my daughter! Am I saying all that right, Sixer?”

“Eh, close enough, Dad,” she replied, already back to wolfing down her food. It wasn’t often she ate so readily, still coming to terms with the lingering effects of having had to scrounge for scraps and make her food last. Today must be a happy day for her indeed.

Down the table, Mr Pines had Journal 9 open and was reading snippets between each bite. Dipper had penned a new entry after they’d all got back from the power plant safely. The page was dominated by a detailed sketch of Errata “So,” he said, swallowing, “run it past me again, son. Where exactly did this fella disappear to anyway?”

Mabel flashed an annoyed look. “Dad, we agreed, no journal biz at the table until dessert.”

“Heck, I’m a curious man, pumpkin. All these stories in here are exciting. I want to soak it all up as quickly as possible.”

“There’ll be plenty of time for late-night reading later,” Mrs Pines said, as she furtively glanced at Journal 3 open on the table next to her. Mr Pines chuckled, but threw a questioning look at Dipper.

“Honestly Dad, it’s one of those things even I don’t know.”

“A vanishingly small pool, I’m sure you’d say.” Pacifica rested her chin on her steepled fingers, smugly satisfied with herself.

“I guess we were lucky,” Mabel said, spinning a pair of chopsticks around a particularly slippery noodle. “It all got wrapped up pretty nicely. Errata was made out of all of Dipper’s paranoia and conspiracy junk written in the journals, so all he had to do was get over his hang-ups and embrace a little loss of control. Errata’s chaos was the problem and the solution.”

“You could write an undergrad psychology paper about it,” Pacifica teased.

Mrs Pines gripped Dipper’s hand across the table. “I know it’s taboo to be talking about New Year’s when Christmas isn’t even halfway over, but I was wondering what your plans were? Jetting off back home?”

Zera answered first. “May and I were thinking of taking advantage of the winter weather, going on a ski trip somewhere.”

“Aunt Mabel, skiing? With her hand-eye coordination?” Merrise sniggered. “I would pay money to watch that.”

“You scamp,” Mabel said fondly. “What about you, Dip, Paz?”

“I think a few quiet days at home before the holidays end would be very pleasant,” Dipper said. “Besides, I know our job prospects are a tad fluid at the moment but Merrise has school starting up again in a few weeks. We’ve got some extracurricular homeschool lessons planned to help her catch up.”

“I have to do math, at home!” Merrise visibly slumped in her seat. “Can you believe it? I wish I could stay here in Piedmont longer.”

“And we’d love to have you,” Mrs Pines said warmly.

“Whatever happens,” Dipper said, “my new year’s resolution is to meet up with Mom and Dad way more often. Either we drive down to Piedmont or you travel up north, both work. I’ve missed having you two in my life.”

“It would be nice. Maybe you could show us some of those magical creatures you write so eloquently about in these journals.”

“Well, we’ll… take it slow.” Dipper grimaced. Telling his parents the truth seemed like an appealing idea on paper; introducing them directly was another kettle of fish. Though if his father could nonchalantly accept a Cycloptopus and his mother could be intrigued to encounter the denizens of Gravity Falls then maybe he was worried over nothing.

Mr Pines sat back in his chair. “I’d certainly love to see what I missed, catch up with all the sights from the last time I was there. Reading all about your experiences reminds me why I sent you twins there in the first place. Even back then I always felt there was something special about Gravity Falls.”

“It certainly is a special place,” Dipper said, smiling over the memories.

“Though don’t think we aren’t a little aggrieved that you didn’t come up with the idea of talking to us sooner,” Mrs Pines said, slightly harshly. “We’ve missed you the same way you’ve missed us.”

“You shouldn’t blame him too much,” Pacifica said, surprising both Mabel and Dipper with her earnestness. “He was an opinionated teenager who thought he knew best, but his heart was in the right place.”

Mrs Pines nodded. “And anyway,” she flashed a wicked grin, “I want to try out some of these magic spells Mabel keeps telling us about. They sound like a lot of fun.”

After they’d all finished eating, full of food and good spirits, the Pines retired to the living room to hand out presents. Undisturbed in the corner, Waddles and Apep wore new matching green sweaters knitted specially by Mabel for the season. They started by lavishing their attention on Merrise, since it was her first proper Christmas celebration. Her grandparents hadn’t known her interests beforehand, but she appreciated the glitter paint kit and light-up planetarium globe (with the Pines having hedged their bets and got what Dipper or Mabel probably would have enjoyed as kids, since they had nothing better to go on). Merrise had her toy T-Rex as a more personal gift in any case.

For Wendy, too young to appreciate gifts for herself, Mr and Mrs Pines supplied old baby clothes from the twins’ youth. Pacifica didn’t want to seem rude, so accepted the gifts despite her smile hiding her pain at the fact another of her kids would be doomed to poor fashion choices.

As an olive branch for the decade-long deceptions, Mabel had put together a thick scrapbook for her parents, her own equivalent to the journals. The photos within didn’t cover any of the supernatural incidents they’d encountered, but rather focused on personal moments of the last few years, giving Mr and Mrs Pines a window into the casual normality of their lives alongside magic and aliens.

With the presents all handed out, the family spent an hour regaling each other with some of their favourite dramatic events or strange creatures written in the journals, with Mabel in particular doing a complex recreation of Weirdmageddon where she provided the voices of every single person involved. Her Bill Cipher was scarily accurate to Dipper and Pacifica’s ears. Mr and Mrs Pines listened, at times enraptured and incredulous depending on the events being described. It would take them both a long time to fully process quite how weird their children’s lives had been.

As the light outside fell, Mabel had wanted to revive an old tradition of watching classic Christmas cartoon specials, but was disappointed to find that no channel was showing any she remembered. Both she and Zera ended up chilling with her dad, watching the train videos he liked to zone out too. Mabel’s eyelids closed as a steam train chugged along somewhere in snow-blanketed Europe.

Dipper kept Merrise entertained and awake by trying to explain that the seasons were reversed in the southern hemisphere, a fact that she couldn’t get her head around at first. Dipper had to resort to shining a flashlight on one of the baubles hanging from the Christmas tree to properly get the point across. By the end of the night she drifted to sleep curled up on the couch, clutching both her llama and T-rex toys tightly.

Well into the night Mabel and Zera dazzled Mr and Mrs Pines with displays of minor magic. Making small light orbs or other non-taxing spells. Dipper even added a few of his own, though his skills weren’t nearly as honed as the others. Pacifica, pleasantly hypnotised into sleep by the colourful magical lights, drifted off into a sherry coma. Zera volunteered to put Wendy to bed upstairs, herself ready to sleep after all showing off her magic all evening.

In the end the twins were left awake with their parents. For the first time in ages they were together as they’d been all those years ago. Dipper kept himself from falling asleep by sketching the scene in the living room, capturing the Christmas tree, his sleeping wife and daughter, Mabel crouching on the floor, and his parents sitting side-by-side. He knew this moment wouldn’t last forever. But tonight was long enough to appreciate it.

Dipper Pines had no more problems

Dipper Pines had told the truth.

[pichiru]

The Sun Also Smiles, Chapter 9

Chapters - [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]

(In case the image doesn't link correctly, image credit to Jeffrey Thompson)

Summary - With Mabel and Dipper's 16th birthday party on the horizon, Grunkle Stan takes to online dating to find a date for the party. Things start to get real weird real fast.

Word Count - 3,197

Pairing(s) - Stan Pines x OC

Genre(s): Romance, Comedy, Mystery

A/N: I am soooooooo sorry that this chapter took so long! The end of the year up until now was kicking my ASS LOL But I'm in a better spot currently and can dedicate myself to writing much more for this story now! :3 I hope u enjoy the new chapter! ;u;

PS, this chapter takes a bit of a scary turn! So be aware of that pls <3

~~~~~~~

“So you’re…serious?” Solana asked hesitantly.

Stan nodded. “As a heart attack. I fought and punched a shit ton of zombies once,” he said proudly.

“I…” She was completely speechless as she swirled her coffee around in her cup a little before sipping it.

“I know it sounds fuckin insane. But you never get weird vibes about this town? You said it yourself that you get weird vibes about Chip. Like he’s a creature of the night. Maybe you’re not too far off when it comes to the not so sleepy little town of Gravity Falls,” Stan said then sipped his coffee too.

“Yeah I get weird vibes but…” She stopped herself after remembering something.. “What’s…weirdmageddon?” She asked suddenly, looking up from her cup of coffee to look at Stan. “I’m not from around here. I only just moved here about two years ago and I always hear mention of it and people even do little anniversary events for it. This year would be the third one I think, right?”

Stan inhaled deeply. He didn’t think she’d ask such a loaded question right off the bat. Before their food even came. “Well…” he began slowly. He started from the beginning with Ford and his research and experiments and how he met Bill. As he was explaining, Solana was engrossed in every single word he was saying. Truly believing. She did get weird vibes from the town but she thought it was just some sort of anxiety about moving somewhere new.

“A…sentient Dorito…?” Solana asked, laughing almost.

“I swear on my niece and nephew’s heads,” he said, holding his hand up.

Their food came while they were talking. Solana felt like she was at a movie with the way Stan was detailing the last 30 years of his life. More or less. She was bewildered, impressed, shocked, and a teensy bit skeptical all at once. She didn’t want to be led astray but the conviction Stan had in his words was convincing enough for her.

“Whew…that’s…a lot. 30 years? I think I would have gone insane if I was trying for three decades to get someone back. Not that I would stop trying but holy shit I’d be like half bald from stress alone,” she laughed.

Stan laughed with her. “Yeah, how I still had a full head of hair is beyond me.”

“I’m glad you guys were able to reunite though. It seems like you both really missed each other.”

Stan scoffed and sat back in his seat. “You’d think he’d be fuckin grateful for me getting him back here and the first thing he does is lecture me.”

Solana winced a little. “Yeah he does come off as…a lecturing type of guy.”

He stared at her while he ate his food. “I know what he talked to ya about.”

She stopped mid bite to look at him then continued chewing. Once she swallowed, she chuckled weakly. “Yeah. He uh…was very adamant about knowing who Will is. Do you share that sentiment too?”

He swallowed his food hard and coughed a little. “Well uh…I uh…”

“Yes or no, Stanley,” Solana said in a sweet voice.

“Yeah…I’ve been worried,” he admitted simply.

“Well…you’ll be happy to know that Will is just a friend. Her name is Willow. I named her Big Will in my phone because it’s a joke between the two of us.”

“But she…she called ya babe at some point.”

“It’s part of the joke. I promise. It’s nothing serious. We’re both equally not into each other. Just friends.”

Solana pulled her phone out of her purse and unlocked it to find something for Stan. She smiled when she saw exactly what she was looking for. She turned her phone around to show Stan a picture of Willow and Solana together. Willow was really tan with ginger hair in a half up, half down curly hair style. She was a curvy woman.

“See? This is Big Will,” Solana chuckled.

The wave of relief that washed over Stan was immeasurable. He sighed gently, trying not to show just how relieved he actually was.

Solana laughed. “That relieved, huh? Serves you right for looking at my phone,” she said, wagging her finger at him in a motherly way.

Stan blushed and rubbed the back of his head shyly. “Yeah, yeah. I know. I won’t look anymore. If…ya still wanna keep this goin?”

She hummed softly at that. “I’d certainly like to keep seeing you. You’re sweet and you know what the hell you’re doing when it comes to sex so I’ll stick around for a little bit longer. I just wonder if it’ll be even more mind blowing now that you’re not a senior citizen anymore,” she joked.

“Yeah, me too,” he said, still blushing. “I…I wanna keep seein ya too, toots. You’re a beautiful dame and ya still liked me even when I was an old dog with no new tricks.”

“I’m more interested in the inside of Stanley Pines than the outside. You’re still you, right?”

“I guess so,” he laughed before continuing to eat his food.

“Then I have no problem with it.” She smiled at him before taking another bite of her food.

The two continued on happily with their breakfast together. The great thing about it being so early in the day is that nobody really came in. It was especially good since Stan had a brand new look. One that would definitely throw the older residents for a loop.

Once Stan received and paid for the bill, Solana smiled at him.

"You know sometimes, I'd like to pay too," she said simply, shrugging a little.

Stan stopped in his tracks as he looked at her. "Oh. Sorry. I just...kinda assumed..." He trailed off slowly.

"It's alright," she chuckled. "I get it. I don't mind you paying for this one since it was more spur of the moment." She snapped her fingers in defeat at a thought she'd just had. "I still have to get you a gift since you were so sweet with the flowers and earrings."

He blushed, shaking his head and waving his hands in front of him. "No, no! Ya don't gotta do that, toots."

"Hmm... What should I geetttttt," she mused to herself, ignoring Stan's plea. "I'll do some shopping around." Solana grinned deviously at him, knowing this would only fluster him further.

"Ahhhhhh what if I just avoided ya forever?" Stan joked. "So ya have no choice but to return the gift since we're no longer seein each other?" he laughed.

Solana pouted playfully and let out a sad sound. "Is me getting you something really all that bad?"

"Well...no, but-"

"Then it's settled! Look for a gift the next time we hang out," she chirped happily as she grabbed her purse and stood up from the table.

Stan sat there, stunned by her perseverance. He looked up at her waiting patiently for him to walk her to the car. "Oh!" He hopped up and motioned for her to walk first.

Solana smiled at him then walked to leave the restaurant and go to Stan's car with him right behind her. After they were all settled in the car, Stan looked at her.

"So...uh...where do ya live? So ya can get dressed for work?" He asked cautiously. He didn't want to come off as creepy.

"Uh, you can just drop me off at the store. I always keep spare clothes in my locker for emergencies. I probably need to do a ton of shit before we open because our closers don't do a good job most times," she explained.

"Got ya," Stan said, nodding. He started the car up and drove off almost immediately. Despite trying to tone it down because Solana was in the car, he was still a completely unhinged driver.

Solana had more questions about Stan's past, his family, and weirdmageddon but she figured that they'd talk about it some more some other time. When she didn't have to rush into work. They sat in a comfortable silence most of the time as Stan drove. Mostly because Solana was a little scared about his driving technique and needed to focus on not throwing up.

When they arrived at the store, Solana breathed a silent sigh of relief. She smiled and laughed weakly once he parked.

"Do you always drive like that?" she asked, her stomach feeling a little queasy.

"Uh, usually. I didn't last night cuz I wanted to make a good first impression," he laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Whew. I think I'm gonna puke when I get in the store," she joked as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "I appreciate the date, the breakfast, and most importantly, the sex." Solana leaned over and kissed Stan's cheek sweetly. "I'll text you later when I'm on my break, yeah?" She put her hand on Stan's thigh and squeezed.

Stan blushed and glanced down at her hand. He got flustered at the squeeze. "Y-Yeah. I'm lookin forward to it."

"Good. Have a wonderful day," she said, patting his thigh a bit then opened the door and got out. Once she was in front of the car, she turned back to look at him and waved happily at him. She blew him a kiss then turned around while pulling her keys out of her purse.

As soon as she was about to unlock the door, Chip was there, opening the door for her.

"Hey gorgeous," he said with an eager smile. He still had those stupid looking sunglasses on.

"Hi Chip," she said curtly as she pushed past him to get into the store.

Chip looked back at Stan sitting in his car and shot him some finger guns then closed and locked the door.

Stan scowled at that. He hated that guy and he barely fuckin knew him. All Solana needed to do was to say the word and he'd beat that punk to a bloody pulp, no problem. He started his car up and pulled off before he got any angrier.

Chip chuckled to himself as he turned around to watch Solana walk into the staff room. He put his hands in his pockets and followed her to the back. He didn't care how creepy it made him look.

Solana had already unlocked her locker and was looking through the clothes she had on hand for emergencies. It wasn't anything great but it was enough to get her through a shift without being dress coded by the dickhead of the hour. She pulled the clothes out and sat them on a nearby table.

On cue, Chip strolled up to her, saying nothing. Solana tried to ignore him and do what she needed to do until she could get away from him in the bathroom at least.

"So..." Chip started, reaching up to adjust his sunglasses.

"What do you want, Chip?" Solana asked, very obviously annoyed with his presence.

"Whoa, whoa," he said, throwing his hands up defensively. "Scale back the teeth. I just wanted to know if you'd have dinner with me sometime?"

"No," she said simply. "Not interested."

"Is it cuz of the old guy?" he asked, rolling his eyes, even though she wouldn't be able to see it. "Look I dunno what you see in that guy. He's practically knocking on death's door at this point and the guy is a straight up criminal."

"I'd rather be with someone who's knocking on death's door than to be with someone as gross and skeevy as you," Solana said flatly without missing a single beat.

"Whoa! Skeevy? Is that any way to talk to your boss?" Chip asked, walking closer to her. When he got a little too close, Solana pulled a pink and white cow shaped taser out and pointed it at him. She backed away from him slowly.

Chip laughed. "Whaddya think you're doin with that?" He continued to walk closer to her, neverminding her weapon.

Solana was tired of his nonstop talking. She was waiting for the perfect moment to try and attack him so she could leave.

Chip reached out to grab her but before he could, Solana acted quickly and tasered him in his chest. To her horror, he was unfazed. Completely and totally unfazed. She looked up from the spot she attacked to see him grinning at her in a crazed manner.

"Spicy," he hissed as he lowered his sunglasses down his nose to reveal bright yellow eyes with black, vertical pupils. His voice seemed to be doubled but distorted at the same time. It sounded...demonic. That was the only word that popped into her head. Demon.

A shiver of fear shot down Solana's spine at the sight. She backed away even faster before turning to run out of the staff room. Chip let her go for the moment to give her a head start even though he knew what the outcome would be.

The sound of Solana's heartbeat was deafening as she ran through the massive store. Run. She just had to keep running. She refused to run in a straight line to the door just so he wouldn't see her immediately.

"Oh Solanaaaaaaa," Chip sang in his new demonic voice as he walked through the store. He didn't have the sunglasses on anymore. There was no point in hiding now. "I know you're still in heeerrrreeeeee," he sang again, his voice echoing through the air.

Solana took her heels off so she could sneak through the aisles quieter. She covered her mouth so her panting wouldn't be so evident if he got too close. She looked behind herself when she realized she'd forgotten her phone and cursed silently as she crept towards the front of the store. There was no way she'd be able to make it out of here without him knowing or at least seeing. What was she going to do?

If this was the end, she wasn't going to go down without a fight. It was nothing short of a miracle that she'd gotten stiletto nails the previous week. Once it was dead silent, Solana inched a little more towards the front. She could hear his shoes against the tile on the floor get closer, which caused her to move faster through the aisles. When she had the front door in her line of sight, she looked around one more time for good measure before booking it.

As soon as her free hand touched the door to try and open it, she could immediately see that the door was locked. The only keys that could open it were either in her purse or on Chip's person. Once the realization set in, the hair on the back of her neck stood up straight. She felt his presence directly behind her. Her head slowly turned to the side, not moving her body due to the paralyzing fear.

There he stood, smiling. That smile never once left his face since he revealed his true nature. Tears immediately stung her eyes as she let out a scream, suddenly taking off to prolong the inevitable.

"Oh, I love it when you run," he mused as he ran after her at a speed that couldn't be comprehended by the naked eye. He stopped in front of her, causing her to skid to a stop. She was borderline sobbing now, trying to run the opposite way only for him to suddenly be facing her in that direction too. They continued this volley until she was unable to move fully in between turning around.

Chip hissed inwardly as he grabbed her by her neck and pinned her to the nearest shelving unit, forcing it to shake the entire thing. Solana grabbed at his arm to get him to let go. She was still crying and panicking, unable to look anywhere else than his eerie, yellow eyes. She tried to stab and scratch him with her nails in his arm and face. It didn't do anything but make him angrier.

He pulled her off of the shelves briefly only to slam her back against it to get her to stop. She let out a pained whimper. His hand wasn't squeezing her neck or cutting off her oxygen. He just wanted to hold her in place.

"Fighting it is only gonna make this worse for you," Chip said, staring into her fear stricken eyes as she cried for her life.

"P-Please," she choked out between sobs.

"P-P-P-P-Please," he said in a fake pouty tone before slamming her against the shelves again, another sound of pain escaping from her. He laughed at her piss poor attempt at begging. He gave her a different smile this time. One that showed he was hiding a secret. He revealed a set of fangs that only added a completely different layer of terror.

"You're the closest thing I have to getting to Ford," he stated, his voice completely different now. It sounded...malevolent. It sounded like he was deriving joy from this. It wasn't Chip anymore. This was something much, MUCH scarier.

"F-Ford?" Solana gasped out, still trying to peel Chip's hand off of her neck. Stan's brother? That Ford?

"Don't you worry, kid. It'll allllllll make sense soon," he said as he lowered her to the floor so she could stand. He removed his hand from her neck. "This might hurt a lot," Chip laughed before he bared his fangs at her, grabbed the side of her head, and bit her neck without warning.

Solana's eyes widened at the shock her body had just experienced. Her scream was stuck in her throat, forcing only choked gasps to come out of her mouth. Tears streamed down her cheeks relentlessly while she attempted to maneuver Chip off of her to no avail. She caught her breath finally before letting out an ear piercing shriek.

The sensation of Chip draining her blood only made her scream more and more. He held her in place firmly, tilting her head to the side to get a better angle. The feeling of her blood being sucked out stopped only for a burning and searing pain to envelope her entire body. She screamed until Chip released his grip on her, her body falling to the floor as she writhed in agony.

Chip crouched down beside her to watch her reaction. "Give it a few minutes and you'll feel brand new," he said as he rubbed her head to try and soothe her. "I promise."

The anguish was too much for her nervous system to handle all at once. Her vision started growing dark the more she convulsed from the feeling ripping through her body. Her breaths became labored the closer she got to becoming unconscious.

The last thing she thought about before she blacked out was Stan coming to end this nightmare for her. All she could do was curl up a fetal position in an attempt to make herself feel better. She jerked away from Chip's touch, one final act of protest, before completely passing out. Her body was eerily still now, her breathing stopped.

"Perfect," Chip whispered as he smiled at his handiwork.

[rinn-e]

FIRST LINE OF YOUR LAST 20 STORIES!

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line.

Tagged by @nixie-deangel, thanks dear :)

WARNING: Most of my stories contain possibly triggering/explicit content in one way or another, and especially the older ones need editing.

1. What I Am [Codywan, Star Wars]

“Obi-Wan,” the shadow purred. “You made a mistake, Obi-Wan.”

2. What You Are And What You'll Never Be [Vaderwan, Star Wars]

Obi-Wan was captured.

3. Two Kinds Of Cruel [Vaderwan, Star Wars]

They came in the hours of the dune lizards, in the time between night and day in which the reptiles’ cackling laughter drowned out the sandstorm daring to disturb them; they feared no weather.

4. Where The Sky Begins [Obikin, Star Wars]

To tell the truth, Anakin didn’t even recognize him at first.

5. Any Objections? [Obikin, Star Wars]

The first time Anakin noticed it, they were on board of the Twilight, flying through hyperspace.

6. Silent Is The Night [Bruce/Dick, DC]

Strangely enough, it wasn’t Batman who got hurt.

7. Saving Flowers [Obikin, Star Wars]

Obi-Wan was thirteen years old when a whisper in the night tore apart everything he thought to know about the Jedi Order.

8. The War That Never Was [Germany/Prussia & Prussia/England, Hetalia]

“You know… you don’t have to write that report. I’m sure they won’t even remember a thing of your presentation… why put that much effort into it?”

9. Hetalian Fairy Tales [Multiple pairings, Hetalia]

The night was cloudless, stars scattered all over it, but that also meant it was cold and the wind was blowing through Adalwin’s hair relentlessly.

10. The Nature Of Snow [Russia/Prussia, Hetalia]

The first time they spent Christmas with each other, they were enemies pretending to be allies.

11. Symbiosis [Russia/Prussia, Hetalia]

It was going to happen that evening, Prussia was sure of it.

12. Lachesis [Elton/Bernie, Rocketman]

“Elton came to the conclusion that he, sadly, isn’t interested in your services anymore. He needs something more... spectacular, catchier, you know?”

13. Mistletoes [Bill/Dipper, Gravity Falls]

The leaves were green and spiky and tied together with a nearly perfect red bow.

14. 22 Hours [Mabel-centric Gen, Gravity Falls]

It was like climbing the ragged face of a cliff.

15. Bridge Over Troubled Water [Bill/Dipper, Gravity Falls]

„I don’t want to see you ever again, Pines,” the brawny, bald man growled, his face tense enough that Dipper was able to see a vein twitching at his temple.

16. A Prayer In Spring [Conor/Harry, A Monster Calls]

It took Conor two weeks to realise Harry wouldn’t come back.

17. Silent Colours [Bruce/Dick, DC]

The tip of the pencil made soft noises as it leaped across the paper, following the quick movements of the hand holding it.

18. It's Such A Pretty World Today [Walt/Jesse, Breaking Bad]

Most of the mirror’s surface was fogged, though a few sparkling beads of water were gathering in the right bottom corner, running down, falling.

19. Dove [Harry/Eggsy, Kingsman]

“What do you want from me?!”

20. Inconvenience [unrequited Harry/Eggsy, Kingsman]

Harry wasn’t a bad man.

BONUS: the Obikin WIP I've been working on on and off since January last year :P -> Shmi Skywalker died happily.

My favorite one has to be either 7 - Saving Flowers or 10 - The Nature Of Snow, but, really, I'm satisfied with most of these :) [Though, making this list made me realize how many times I hopped fandom whoops...]

Tagging: @jovialkidbonktrash @unspuncreature @lithugraph@rosesnblueberries @willshowerthots @currently-kraken @luzff @farfollow @sparkie96 @kratosfan6632466 and whoever else wants to do this :) [As always, no pressure~]

[itsthemysterykids]

Addams Family Quotes?

Coraline: Gomez, Wybie: Morticia, Mabel: Grandma Addams, Lili: Wednesday, Neil: Pugsley, Norman: Lurch, Dipper: Fester, Raz: Joel Glicker

Wybie: Lili is at that very special age where a girl has only one thing on her mind.

Priscilla Northwest: Boys?

Lili: Homicide.

—

Coraline: Cara mio.

Wybie: Mon cher.

—

Lili: Neil, sit in the chair.

Neil: Why?

Lili: So we can play a game.

Neil: What game?

Lili: *strapping him in the chair* It's called, "Is There a God?”

—

Teacher: The kids wrote reports depicting their heroes. Pacifica chose Queen Elizabeth.

Wybie: Oh dear. Have you spoken to her parents?

Teacher: … Well, Lili brought in this picture: Calpurnia Mystery.

Wybie: Lili’s great-aunt Calpurnia. She was burned as a witch in 1706. They said she danced naked in the town square and enslaved the minister.

Teacher: *Shocked* Really?

Wybie: Oh, yes. But don't worry. We've told Lili, ‘college first’.

—

Coraline: To live without you, only that would be torture.

Wybie: A day alone, only that would be death.

—

Lili: Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle, not even for a vacation. Everyone knows that.

Dr. Pinderschloss: Oh, my little bundle. So much you don't understand. The human spirit, it is a hard thing to kill.

Mabel: Even with a chainsaw.

—

Spoiled girl: I'll be the victim.

Lili: All your life.

—

Wybie: You have enslaved Dipper. You have placed him under some strange sensual spell... I respect that. But please, may we see him?

—

Lili: I don't want to be in the pageant.

Gary: Don't you want me to realize my vision?

Lili: Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character, or the Aristotelian unities.

Gary: Young lady, I am getting just a tad tired of your attitude problem.

—

Coraline: Children, why do you hate the baby?

Neil: We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.

Lili: Especially his head.

—

Lili: Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf, and eat hot h'ors d'ourves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all of these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.

—

Wybie: I'm just like every man trying to have it all. A loving wife, a family. I only wish I had more time to see out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.

—

Raz: You know what happens if my mother uses fabric softener?

Lili: What?

Raz: I die.

—

Becky: *After Neil fires his arrow into the sky and a bird drops down* It's an American Bald Eagle!

Gary: Aren't they extinct?

Lili: They are now.

—

Wybie: My baby is sick and my wife is dying. Mabel, what am I gonna do?

Mabel: Well, you have a black suit.

—

Gary: Yes indeed, Bambi.

Becky: Lassie Come Home.

Gary: The Little Mermaid.

Lili: Stop it!

Raz: *Gestures to Neil* He's only a child.

—

Mabel: Luxor, nexor, burst and BURN!

Debbie: What is she doing?

Mabel: Just a curse. Have a nice day.

—

Coraline: Has the planet gone mad? My friend... passion's hostage. I seek justice! Denied. I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Coraline Mystery, and I have seen evil!

Mabel: *Holds up the baby*

Coraline: I have seen horror!

Norman: *Waves*

Coraline: I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!

Wybie: They're at camp.

Coraline: I have seen all this officer. But until today, I have never seen... YOU!

Desk sergeant: Hook her, book her, cook her. NOW!

[disneydude94]

Amphibia: Calamity War - Intro

Here's the newest intro for my fan story. Here we go...

The music starts when the Calamity Box dropped to the ground sending Anne, Sprig, Polly, and Hop Pop back to earth, but ended up in Disneyland where Anne and the Plantars were laying down and stood up looking at Sleeping Beauty Castle. We zoomed out and it shows a map of Los Angeles.

In Toontown, Donald is fishing while Goofy is gardening his vegetables when sliding to Mickey’s house where Daisy is walking with her pet dog. Anne comes out of the house wearing her casual clothes letting Sprig, Polly, and Hop Pop inside the house spinning Anne.

Sprig open the freezer fridge holding the mint ice cream like a telescope, but he fell flat on his back this ice cream fell on his face while Mickey and Minnie are in the kitchen giggling at Sprig while Hop Pop is holding his phone to take a picture at his meal. Polly jumped on Pluto when he woke up and barked at Polly for disturbing his nap. Polly jumped off when the chase began.

Anne is laughing at the scene until Sprig landed on her shoulders and went off for their adventure. They hoped over a crocodile and two hippos from “The Jungle Cruise” while there are people on the boat curiously including Anne's parents.

Later in that scene, when Anne is running carrying Sprig and Polly with Mickey, Donald, and Goofy chasing by a robot frog in the alley at Los Angeles. In the museum, Dipper and Mabel are helping Sprig, Polly, and Hop Pop escape wearing their disguises while the security guard is searching.

Then we see Kim Possible and Agent Perry riding their scooter along with Anne riding her scooter with Sprig on top while Hop Pop is holding on to Anne and Polly is raising her fist at the governments agents when being chased by the police force.

Then it shows some robot dragonflies flying over Los Angeles where Stan and Ford have witnessed the invasion. Then it shows the Disney Villains are showing in shadows including Chernabog on Bald Mountain glowing his yellow eyes.

Sasha looked at the camera smiling when preparing for battle with Grime and residents of Wartwood. It shows a lot of characters including Mickey and Friends, McDuck Family, Princesses, Frozen, Toy Story, Pinocchio, Genie, Tinkerbell, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Candace, Pines Twins, Lilo, Stitch, Simba, Timon, and Pumbaa smiling all together in front of Sleeping Beauty Castle.

Now we see King Andrias pulled out his sword swinging while Marcy in coma in a green glass tank with the Mysterious Entity.

Finally when the robot frogs firing at Anne and the Plantars, but she burst into Calamity Power destroying some missiles and grab one more missile and swung it back at the robot frogs destroying the robots. Anne landed when her power went back to normal posing in front of the characters from Amphibia and many Disney Characters that was from my fanmade poster when the music ends.

Amphibia: Calamity War

That's all folks. I've updated a new version so that it'll be a lot easy if I just edited like how they made a new intro in season 3. See ya real soon!

[detectivejigsawpines]

Relatively Relativity-part 4 (The chapter that begins and ends with slumber)

By the time the mini-grunkles’ newfound manic energy wore off, it was almost evening; they slowly staggered back to the front porch, covered in dirt and grass stains, and neither one seeming really capable of staying on his feet for much longer.

“Well...that was fun…” Ford mumbled as he pulled himself up the first step, “...gotta get back to work now…”

“Work?”  Stan blinked a little bewilderedly.  “Whatsis...work...y’speak of?”

He nearly pitched forward and smashed his nose before Dipper hurriedly caught him.  Mabel did the same for Ford; he was asleep before his feet were even off the ground.

“Wow,” Dipper muttered as they carried them inside, “do you think we’re this heavy when we’re our normal size?”

“Who’re ya callin’ fat?” Stan grumbled at him before yawning, and letting his eyes droop shut.

Dipper looked at the sleeping boys thoughtfully.  “...I guess we gotta put them to bed?”

Mabel smiled.  “I know just the place.”  She went over to Grunkle Stan’s big yellow armchair and set Ford down into it, before tugging off his shoes and his jacket for him.  He stirred a little at her fussing, but not enough to actually wake up, just snuggling into the thick padding.

Dipper shrugged, and put Stan on the other side, helping him out of his own coat and shoes.  However, instead of leaning back Stan ended up flopping over, so his head and part of his shoulder landed in Ford’s lap.

“Oops.”

Dipper reached out to straighten him, but Mabel grabbed his arm.

“Don’t you dare move them.”  Her eyes were wide with delight at being in such high levels of cuteness proximity, and her phone was back out.

With a roll of his eyes Dipper went to hang up their coats and then retrieve a blanket, which he draped around both boys.  Then, in the interest of his family’s self-preservation, he went into the kitchen and poured the rest of the Mabel Juice down the sink, before cleaning up the remains of their lunch.

****

By the time he came back Mabel had probably overshot her phone’s storage capacity with the amount of photos she’d taken, and he was forced to drag her away so the boys could sleep undisturbed.

“...So, what do we do now?” Mabel asked as they left the room.  “Do you wanna play cards?  I’m pretty sure old people usually play cards while kids are sleeping.  Or backgammon!  I’ve always wanted to learn how to play backgammon!”

Dipper didn’t answer; he’d paused midstep, his eyes trained on the full-length mirror which Stan (technically Soos, now) kept down here for some reason.

It was the first time he’d really gotten the chance to see what he looked like in his old body; he was mesmerized.  He moved his hand, watching his reflection’s hand move with it, trying to convince himself that this really was his body now.

He hadn’t expected to be so...big.  He’d been startled seeing just his old wrinkly hands, but seeing all of him at once, with his head about three feet higher up than normal and the torso filled out so he actually had shoulders now, was even more of a shock.  Dipper guessed he should count himself lucky that his clothes had grown along with him; he was not in a hurry to see himself naked in addition to being old (ugh, please try to erase that thought, mind).

He didn’t have the imposing posture Ford did, or the amount of muscles either of his grunkles had; but that was probably a given since he hadn’t gone through the same stuff as them.

Gingerly Dipper pulled off his hat, and got a good look at his thick gray hair.  It was only mildly comforting to see that he had a lighter stripe like Ford, so maybe it made him look kind of distinguished.

“...At least there’s no bald spots,” Mabel pointed out, ever the optimist.  She’d been staring at herself too, squeezing her face in an attempt to smooth out some of the wrinkles.  “And look-my braces are gone!”  She pulled back her lips so he could see her (slightly stained, but indeed braces-free) teeth.

Dipper managed a smile.  “Yeah, looks like you won’t be a metal mouth forever.”

“Hey!”  Mabel swatted his arm; they both laughed.

“I dunno if I like being all gray, though,” she admitted after a minute.  “Maybe I should dye it.  Like put in some pink or blue highlights or something.  What do you think?”

“...I think you’d look like one of those horrifying bingo hall grandma stereotypes.”

Mabel blew a raspberry at him.  “You have no appreciation for art!”

They both nearly jumped out of their skin when Soos’s voice asked from behind them, “So what’s the plan, dudes?”

In all the chaos of watching their mini-grunkles dealing with the effects of Mabel Juice, they’d forgotten about the former handyman-now-boss.  And, they realized as they turned around, they’d forgotten about his girlfriend and his grandmother, who were also living here now.

Soos gave the twins an apologetic smile.  “I got Melody and Abuelita caught up on current events so they wouldn’t be shocked when they saw you guys.”  He leaned in and whispered in as conspiratorial a voice as he was capable of, “They’ve both taken like a million pictures of the little Mr. Pineses.”

“Join the club, ladies!” Mabel beamed.  “I’m gonna need to import all of mine into a computer or something to clear up some space!”

Melody giggled.  “I know, right?  They look so precious right now, it’s hard to stop!”

“Yeah, I’m totally including a chapter about this in my fanfiction.”  Soos grinned.  Then he composed himself.  “Seriously though-what’s the plan for getting you dudes back to normal?”

Dipper sighed.  “Well, tomorrow we’re gonna go see if we can find more of those flowers so Grunkle Ford can study them better.  Maybe get some still-active pollen samples or something.”

“Sounds good, sounds good.”  Soos nodded sagely.

“Maybe you oughta wear gas masks or hazmat suits or something so you don’t get affected by them again,” Melody pointed out.

“Ooh, good point.  I’ll remind Grunkle Ford about that when he wakes up.”

“Anything we can do to help?” Abuelita asked.

Dipper smiled at her.  “For now, we probably just need you guys to keep the Shack running like normal.  But if we need anything, we’ll let you know.”

“You got it, dudes.”

****

Luckily Soos was able to lend Dipper some of his pajamas (which were super baggy on him even now, but better than sleeping in his clothes), and Mabel got one of Abuelita’s spare nightgowns, so they both had something to sleep in.

Soos had had the option of turning Stan’s room into his own, since he was Mr. Mystery now, but he hadn’t felt worthy of the honor, so he mostly still slept in the break room, using a new couch that folded out into a bed.  Melody slept in the room that used to hold all the cursed wax figures, and Abuelita had cleaned out another storage room for herself, so the kids were still sleeping in the attic.  Soos promised that they or their mini-grunkles could come wake him up if they needed anything, and the little groups said goodnight to each other before heading to their respective rooms.

Waddles, who apparently had been sleeping on Mabel’s bed all day, was a little startled when he first laid eyes on them, and didn’t seem to recognize his master at first.  But after a minute of sniffing at her hands and skirt, he seemed to realize that she was still herself, and just accepted that she looked a little weird now.  As she got into bed he happily climbed up and snuggled against the crook of her arm, grunting contentedly.

“Goodnight, Dipper!” she called to her brother.

“Night, Mabel.”  He was in the process of writing the day’s events in his journal next to his drawing of the flower, and didn’t bother looking up.

“Don’t stay up all night; you’re a senior citizen now, so you need your beauty sleep.”

“Whatever.”

Truth be told, part of Dipper wasn’t sure if he’d be capable of falling asleep-and not just because his joints kept making funny creaky noises every time he moved.  Too many thoughts kept running around in his brain, worrying about how they were going to fix this, what if they couldn’t, were they going to have to raise their mini-grunkles from now on, what were their parents going to think about all this, what if what if what if...

But when he finished his entry in his journal and turned out the light, he lay back and closed his eyes-

-and the next time he opened them, it was to morning light filtering in through the window.

********

Attaboy, Dipper.  Get some sleep so you’ll stop worrying so much.

[minijenn]

Random Keys/UF Crossover Ideas

Because I’m torn between both of my projects right now and I hate myself, here’s something that’ll only really appeal to the very niche audience of people who read both Universe Falls and Keys to the Kingdom. Basically its a list of somewhat spoilery (for Keys more than UF) headcanons of what it might be like if the Gravity Falls world scheduled to be in Keys was a Universe Falls world instead (in the sense that it still takes place in Gravity Falls physically but like... its set in the universe of Universe Falls (oy I’m explaining too much lemme just start rambling off the random ideas that have been popping into my head over the last several days of this hypothetical crossover of my two stupid fanfics):

For reference’s sake, on the UF end of things, this would take place somewhere around the middle of arc10ish, pretty close to Weirdmageddon as the GF world in Keys is gonna take place pretty close to Weirdmageddon too. 

For Keys, the trip to this world would still take place in the same spot the GF world does, so semi close to the end of the story, as one of the last Disney worlds of the fic (guess it wouldn’t really be a “Disney” world here but ehhhhhh) 

Guess I better give some context about what’s going on in each fic around that time; UF’s is easier to do so we’ll start with that; basically without spoiling a certain upcoming arc ender too much, during arc 10, everyone’s sorta frazzled what between all of the interdimensional travel, worries about Bill coming back and causing chaos, worries about the Diamonds possibly getting involved in stuff, shaken by the recent revelation that Rose allegedly shattered Pink Diamond and so on (basically there’s a lot going on in the leadup to UF’s ending hahaha) 

Context for Keys (again without getting too spoilery (gotta tread even more careful here) is that by this point in the story Sora is basically in nonstop Panic Mode about the whole norting thing thanks to a certain encounter with one Bald Old Fuckhead during the Aladdin world immediately before this; so Sora’s on the run from basically his entire support system cause he’s all worried about unintentionally hurting his friends (and he also just doesn’t want Riku or Kairi in particular to see what’s happening to him cause Disaster Bi). 

Cont. Context for Keys cause that last bullet point was Long: Despite all this fuckin Angst, Sora’s still out searching for the Keys on his own in the hopes of securing the final few for the guardians of light before he can be fully norted and forced into handing them over to the Organization instead 

Not to mention those freak relatively dark/light powers of his are alll outta whack cause he A. Doesn’t know how to control them At All and B. Is Emotionally Distraught so that’s only making things worse

And the entire gang is more or less out searching the worlds tryin’ to find Sora (he yeeted his Gummi Phone off a fuckin cliff or something just so nobody could get in touch with him smh what a waste of a perfectly good cell phone); among the teams that are out doing so include the one we’re gonna focus on here, Ven and Roxas  

Back to the UF end of things, I wanna talk about where each of the Mystery Kids are at this point; Steven is sorta all over the place with, again, the revelation that his mom could have been a murderer; Dipper is hella nervous about the idea of Bill getting his hands on the Rift (even moreso after RMD cause PTSD is Somethin Else kids), Mabel is in that mindset of not wanting the summer to end so they can all stay together, and Connie is basically (as usual) the only one with any brain cells as she’s trying to hold the gang together

(lowkey spoilers for the Keys GF chapters start here) So Sora arrives in Gravity Falls, suffering from all the angsts and anxieties and whatnot and just Not Having a Very Good Time Emotionally/Mentally as he starts lookin around for the Key in the woods or whatever

But lo and behold everyone’s favorite Evil Corn Chip just so happens to be spyin’ on him, and before too long Bill makes his appearance and acts all friendly to Sora, claiming that he can basically undo the whole norting thing (which he knows all about because of course he would, this is Bill Fucking Cipher we’re talking about here)

Sora’s skeptical but at the same time he’s sort of willing to do whatever he can at this point to keep his heart from being taken over by Mr. Bald Old Fuckhead and all Bill is asking for in return is for him to nab some sparkly snow globe that he claims already belongs to him but was stolen by some local family who Bill makes out to be pretty bad so hey, why not at least give it a shot? (dumb, the kid is dumb this is something we’ve established many times over by this point)

So Sora sets out to look for both the rift and the Key (while also being harangued by Xemnas who’s the Org. baddie of the GF world but errrrr i don’t have a ton of ideas about what he’s gonna do yet so we’ll just skip over that for now and focus on somethin else)

Something else being the fact that Sora happens upon a bunch of kids being attacked by a group of Nobodies, so he swoops in to save them even though the kids already look like they’re holding their own pretty well against them (two of them are out here swinging swords around, one’s really handy with that grappling hook while another one has some sort of magical shield? Its weird??? But cool imo) 

So they all team up to take the Nobodies out and following that, Sora meets and mostly hits it off with the Mystery Kids

Mabel is super hype (she kinda instantly crushes on Sora as soon as she sees him even though he’s too fuckin old for her); Steven and Sora radiate the same sort of Sweet But Sad energy so of course they’re best friends immediately 

Connie’s a lil bewildered by Sora (who the hell goes around swinging a giant key like its a sword, that’s just not practical???) but Dipper’s distrustful radar is instantly raised for a a number of reasons, but the biggest red flag he notices about Sora by far is that his eyes are yellow (btw by this point his eyes will more or less be completely yellow and his hair almost entirely white; he usually wears his hood up to try and hide that, but it got blown off during the forementioned fight) 

So the kids were out and about in the woods for mystery hunting reasons, mostly cause they were trying to cool their heads from all of the stress they’re under mentioned earlier (and cause hey, the summer’s ending soon and they gotta spend all the time they can together at this point) 

However, they quickly change gears when they learn about Sora’s quest to find some magical Key and they all eagerly decide they wanna help with that cause it sounds hella rad; Dipper would likely be the only dissenter to this plan, but he’d be lowkey about it, kinda deciding to keep a suspicious eye on Sora all the while (he doesn’t really act like he’s being possessed by Bill, but ya can never be too sure nowadays...) 

So they all set out in search of the Key (Sora decides not to tell them about Bill or the rift just yet, but even so right off the bat he’s basically decided “yes I’m adopting all four of these kids as my new little brothers and sisters and no one can stop me”)

So cut to the other end of things and we have Ven and Roxas who have basically only just met each other face to face for the first time (they’re both basically constantly doin that spiderman look alike meme); they’ve been more or less teamed up to look for Sora together tho, and they both got a massive guilt complex about the whole thing cause they used to be able to directly protect him inside his heart but now they can’t since they’re out of it so they’re determined to find him and make sure he’s OK

They also show up in Gravity Falls, arriving much closer to the Mystery Shack and the Gem Temple than Sora did; since its the closest thing nearby, the boys decide to venture over to the Mystery Shack to look first 

After some brief, confused yet fun conversation with Soos and Wendy, they bump into Stan and that initial meeting goes something like: 

Stan: Who the hell are you two supposed to be? You twins or something?

Roxas: No??? What the fuck is a twin??

Ventus, realizing that Roxas has like 0 real world experience or regard for world order at that moment right fucking there: (oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck) Ummmm YES WE ARE WE’RE TOTALLY TWINS AHAHA AREN’T WE BROTHER?

Roxas, immensely confused: What the hell is a brother??

And then Ford shows up and Roxas looks between him and Stan is just like “ooooh ok now I get what a twin is” and Ven is just like “oh my god I think Roxas managed to catch some of Sora’s stupidity after all asdkjalsdkalsd” 

Anyway after all this awkward confusion is over, Roxas and Ven bring up that they’re there looking for someone, and while neither Stan nor Ford are that invested, they do offhandedly mention maybe the Crystal Gems can help

Ironically enough, the Gems happen to burst into the shack right then and there, taking refuge from the surge of strange creatures swarming outside (Nobodies & Heartless); the Gems are rather overwhelmed by them since their weapons don’t work that great on them so they’ve come to seek Ford’s help (since he’s got all those weapons and lasers and shit he keeps stockpiled) 

In this Ven and Roxas end up meeting the Gems and both of them are just like :O (Ven’s lowkey like, “Aqua would get along great with these ladies, they’re total badasses just like her!”) and the Gems just kinda pass the boyos off like “yeah whatever there’s a fuckton of monsters outside meanwhile where are our kids?”

Stan and Ford are like *shrug* cause neither of them are very good at being Responsible when it comes to keeping an eye on these danger-prone kids and the Gems are just like *facepalm* “Morons” so they set out to find the kids and Ven and Roxas are like “well they know their way around here so why not go with them to see if we can find Sora too!” and so they all head out on a lil adventure

Then a whole bunch of stuff happens on both sides of the plot that I haven’t bothered to figure out; bunch of cute character interactions and whatever; insert possible second encounter with Xemnas in here somewhere where he basically shows up just to intimidate Sora but Sora’s like “no way jose, you touch any of these precious kiddos and you’ll Die” 

Somewhere in here, under... some circumstances, Sora and the MK make it back to the shack but like... everyone’s gone? (cause they all went out to look for them, didn’t even leave a note, fuckin rude) 

They search the house for anybody and then, on complete fuckin accident, Sora finds his way down into the basement (the portal room to be exact) and what else does he find down there but that thing Bill asked him to get (the rift)! 

Though he’s a little confused about why its there (Bill did say some awful family “stole” the rift from him, but none of the MK are awful, they a bunch of Good Kids); Sora still pockets it like a desperate dummy dumb anyway and doesn’t say a word about it to the kids because he thinks they might be too innocent and young to know anything about it anyway (he’s wrong of course because much like him these kids are Traumatized with a capital T but we’ll just ignore that for now)

Still on the search for that Key, Sora and the kids head out only to run right into Stan, Ford, and the Gems on the way out; course, Ven and Roxas are still with them and they see Sora and they’re like :D while Sora’s just like “aw fuck” and runs away from his problems like always

So he rushes off into the woods and who else would show up but that Motherfuckin Evil Corn Chip again who’s like “yo kid ya got the stuff” and Sora’s just like “brb having a panic attack rn” but then he ends up obliviously handing the rift over anyway cause again he’s incredibly desperate for any way out of his current horrible situation

Of course because I’m a sap for Drama, he happens to do so just as all four of the MK show up, having followed him into the woods and ohohohoh boy oh boy let’s just say them seeing Sora just up and giving the rift over to Bill would be a Moment (well, at least for Steven and Dipper cause they actually know what the fuckin rift is unlike Mabel and Connie who still wouldn’t at that point) 

So basically Bill is a little shit and takes the rift, but he can’t actually fuckin do anything with it cause he’s a physical object and he’s still intangible (or somethin like that idk I just don’t want Weirdmageddon to happen cause it would make things too complicated) so he’s like “fuck gotta find some stupid sap to possess so I can smash this dumb thing” and he nearly targets Sora (cause the kid was already stupid enough to help him in the first place so why not?) until Steven ends up being the one to fend him off using his shield 

Bill shrugs it off and makes off with the rift anyway (its like... hovering or something? idk I’m running out of steam) and everyone panics of course, especially Sora cause he’s just like “well shit I certainly Fucked Up didn’t i?” and the MK are both a mix of “YOU THINK?” (from Dipper and Connie mostly) and “imo not your fault Bill’s tricked just about all of us he’s an asshole” (from Steven and Mabel)

Amidst this a bunch of lil things also happen; the Stans and the Gems show up (along with Ven and Roxas), basically everyone is immensely confused (aka those who have no idea what the fucking rift is) and alarmed (those who do know what the rift is) that Bill has what he needs to more or less fuck the entire world over 

So everyone just decides to put everything aside and team up all together to track Bill down and get the rift back before he can break it (there’s a lot of heartwarming trust moments in here, mostly cause trust is like... the cornerstone theme of the GF chapters in Keys for obvious reasons) 

They eventually do find him and *insert big epic battle scene here* where everyone teams up to basically beat Bill to death or whatever (don’t ask me how they be doin that if he’s intangible, again I.... I’m tired and this post is long enough as it is) 

Yadda yadda yadda they beat him, get the rift back and effectively prevent Weirdmageddon from happening to begin with (which just does SO much wonderful fuckery for UF’s timeline moving forward but whatever, this ain’t about that) 

Oh and during that Climactic Battle Scene somewhere there’s some bit about Sora learning to better trust others/himself that leads to him getting the world’s Key? I-I I dunno its a work in progress...

Anyway after this there’s a lot of good character interactions all around, reconciliations between the UF characters and the Keys characters, particularly between Sora and the MK (again he’s adopted these kiddos and don’t you forget it)

So with the Key in hand, Sora starts to leave and Roxas and Ven almost convince him to go back with them until *insert Big Keys Spoiler here that results in the Organization getting their hands on that Key Sora just got and also results in Sora running away again cause... reasons*

And that’s the end of the chapters or whatever idk 

There’s probably more ideas I had in mind for this but I literally can’t do anymore my brain is dying 

I might possibly write this for reals someday i dunno I’m stuck in two personal hells here so I might as well combine ‘em

Yes I’m aware this post leans more heavily on Keys than UF but its set in the world of UF so fuck off 

Feel free to add on with any thoughts you might have about the idea

I’m tired

Amen 

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Ghost” Part 2

Bane’s wife is a mystery to everyone, including her husband. Ghost also happens to be The Joker’s little obsession, not that she ever pays attention to him. Maybe that’s why The King of Gotham should stop messing around: when you push too much, you might get more than you bargained for.

The Joker and his girlfriend left about 15 minutes ago; Kara was in a bad shape and you offered to drive her car back tomorrow. You have no idea how she made it to your house after the events at the club. You could tell J was fuming and for once he seemed to care about what happened to his woman: maybe it was a little wakeup call The King of Gotham needed. Hard to tell when it comes to these matters due to his spectacular personality.

One thing’s for sure though: after his arrival Kara couldn’t stop crying and Ghost knew why. The Joker’s girlfriend merely escaped assault and him giving a damn about the ordeal made her overemotional: it was the first time he showed some real interest outside the bedroom; he held her hand all the way to the car and didn’t even mind a kiss before she got in.

“You’re awfully quiet,” your husband points out. “You’ve been staring out the windows at the empty parking lot since they left. Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah…I’m fine,” you turn only to see him signal for you.

Bane is not stupid; he can tell you’re distracted and he can guess the reason. As soon as you straddle his lap he rests his forehead on yours, choosing to dig a bit dipper without sugar coating his objective.

“Are you thinking about that day?”

You take such a strenuous breath there’s no need for a verbal confirmation.

“Wanna talk about it?”

You are aware of the meaning:  your spouse is not asking for details, he’s just bringing it up in case you want to share your feelings regarding Kara’s unfortunate experience.

You caress his bald head and sigh, prepared to describe the facts.

Bane never mentioned anything about the first time you’ve met simply because he always assumed he understood what he saw five years ago. The truth is he didn’t.

“When…when you found me…” you gulp and he distinguishes the struggle.

“Hey,” your husband whispers. “That’s not why I brought it up. You don’t have to re-live the past; I was trying to hint that if you want to discuss…”

He twists a strand of your white hair around his finger while you interrupt:

“When you found me behind the truck, that guy wasn’t trying to rape me; he was trying to kill me.”

Bane’s not wearing his mask and you can read the conflicting emotions written all over his face.

“Vee was my ex,” you continue and pause in order to gather your thoughts. “When I learned he was involved in human trafficking, I urged him to quit. The money was great and he refused so I planned to disappear and help some girls flee in the process. I was very careful yet he still perceived my intentions and when you bumped into us… he was trying to finish me so I won’t be any trouble for his boss and their line of business.”

“Shit…” HB mumbles, hating that his Ghost looks upset.

“I wasn’t defending myself from a rapist, I was fighting for my life. What do you think about that, hm?” you throw the question at him and his reply doesn’t fail:

“That whatever- his-name-was-your-ex had it coming. You can’t kill a Goddess! A man is lucky enough to encounter one and if he fucks up, then he signs up for the bitter consequences.”

A few moments of complete silence, then Bane hears his favorite words:

“I love you,” Y/N pecks the thin scars across his nose and decides to turn the gloomy night into a more accommodating situation. “We were having lots of fun when the unexpected guest barged in; we should stick to the original schedule and reprise our activity.”

“Agree,” Bane squeezes you in his strong arms tighter. “A tiny Ghost might be already in here,” he softly rubs your tummy.

“Or a handsome little brute,” you giggle and he has to underline:

“However, it doesn’t hurt to keep practicing.”

“U-hum,” you wink and he likes the smile forming on your lips, infinitely better than having his wife distressed about an incident that almost ended her existence.

*************

5 Years Ago

Bane was done loading the supplies he wanted in his truck, lingering at the spot chosen for that evening’s transaction. It was consistently a random place where everyone that wanted to buy or sell could get together and exchange merchandise; under the radar of course, since the negotiations were less than legal and the individuals present could have easily be enlisted on FBI’s most wanted list.

A lot of turmoil and movement at the campsite, but he still detected a woman’s scream; he carefully listened when it happened again. Bane circled his truck and walked between the vehicles stationed there until his heavy steps abruptly halted: there was a lady trying to get from under a limp body collapsed on top of hers, still holding the rock she used in order to defend herself.  

You crawled from under Vee and froze when you noticed Bane glaring at you. Y/N recognized the masked man: he was starting to gain a certain reputation, not that it was his purpose; he only stuck to his agenda and didn’t give a damn about anything else.

Your future spouse believed that one of the imbeciles tried to sample the merchandise and got more than he could chew; he also knew they didn’t like the girls to rebel and the price paid if they did.

That feral look in your eyes reminded him of the same fire that fueled his veins every time he attempted to get out of the accursed Pit; made him take a decision he never regretted: instead of alerting the others and score a nice bonus for cooperation, Bane gave you a choice.

“If you want to survive, come with me.”

You hesitated: was he toying with you before sounding the alarm?! The pile of muscles indifferently distanced from the scene and you got on your feet, stumbling from the aftermath of almost being assassinated by your former boyfriend. Vee was out cold and you dropped the rock by his feet, not bothering to check if he was dead.

You followed Bane to his truck and he gestured for you to hop in the back; it was difficult to fit in between the boxes yet you managed anyway. He covered everything with the tarp and advised while sealing the way out:

“Stay put!”

It was a nerve wracking couple of hours: Bane drove away immediately and you had no clue about what will occur next. Where was he taking you anyway?

**********  

He pried the door and Y/N strolled inside when she realized he was keeping it opened for her. “This is a gated, private property; we’re right outside Gotham, north of Willow Creek. You should lay low: by know they must have identified the guy and they might be searching for the responsible party.”

He was thinking you were “one of the girls” and you didn’t correct him.

“I had no clue I’ll find myself in this mess,” you skeptically brought it up. “I should go to my apartment and pack suitcases.”

“Bad idea,” the distorted voice huffed. “You should disappear, it’s safer. Those are not the type of people you want to cross!”

You nervously played with the hem of your torn dress and Bane added:

“There are clean clothes in the bedroom; you can use one of my t-shirts. I’ll bring some items your size tomorrow.”

“You’re not staying?!” you inquired, perplexed.

“Nope, I’m busy. Give yourself a tour; I’m positive you can cope with my absence.”

He saw the doubt and muttered:

“You’re not a prisoner; you can leave. Close the gates if you do. If I were you, I would linger on the premises.”

That’s all he said and left a very confused Y/N in the middle of the living room. You wished to ask why he was aiding a total stranger, but you figured it was dumb to do so: Bane seemed like the type of man that didn’t do things unless he felt like it. Period.

You curiously inspected the house, marveled that it was neat and organized: four bedrooms and two bathrooms upstairs, the spacious living room, another bathroom and the kitchen downstairs. The dust settled on the counters indicated the hideout wasn’t used very often; the decorations were minimal, mostly functional, basic furniture.

You were grateful when you opened the fridge and found some food that was still eatable: the precooked kind but you weren’t picky at that point. After warming up a container in the microwave, Y/N took a sit at the table; with the crazy events that spiraled out of control she didn’t have time to reflect about her current predicament.

It hit as you were munching on your ravioli: how the hell did you end up there?! A sudden, unbearable sense of isolation washed all over you, the numbness that protected you from the initial shock gradually dissipating in thin air.

You had no plan. None whatsoever.

Was it better to go with the flow until you could outline a strategy aimed to get you out of the deep whole you accidentally sunk in? Maybe…

So you did.

**************

Next morning, Bane popped at the residence as promised; at 10:12 am he discovered a hyper Y/N tidying up the kitchen: after a sleepless night and six cups of coffee, she was pretty much invincible. You were wearing one of his military print t-shirts: it was big and he was somehow amused to see you swim in the garment.

“I brought you clothes, shoes and food,” Bane grumbled and arranged boxes on the chair closer to you. “I estimated on the size.”

“Thank you,” the sincerity in your voice proved you meant it. “Thank you for helping me.”

“U-hum,” he intensely gazed at you and maybe because you weren’t in your best shape you misinterpreted his demeanor: was your savior expecting some sort of reward? Since you didn’t have much to offer at that time, Bane probably wanted sex as compensation for his services. If he would have taken what he wanted by force, you reckoned it wouldn’t have been pleasant, not with a man his size; not putting up a fight could have made it at least bearable.  

Your logic was way off though: as soon as you took your t-shirt off he came near, picked it from the floor and dressed you back himself.

“You don’t have to do that,” he emphasized and saw how embarrassed you were. “Do you know how to load guns?” Bane switched the dialogue without making it awkward.

“Not really…”

“I’ll show you; I have a project coming up and you can assist.”

“OK,” you were fast to accept as it was an easy way to repay him.

“Besides cracking someone’s skull with a rock, do you know how to defend yourself?” the interrogation continued.

”If I have to.”

“Comes in handy,” he muffled the words beyond the mask and promptly took it off so he can enjoy the coffee too.

It was the first time you saw Bane minus the breathing device; definitely not what you imagined: he was good-looking. HB had a few thin scars across his nose and a thicker one above the upper lip that added a certain flair to his wholesomeness. 

He caught you staring and misjudged:

“What?” he growled, pouring hot liquid in a mug. “Is the view not up to your standards?”

Y/N has always been a direct person, that’s why she described exactly what was in her mind:

“I was actually thinking that you’re handsome.”

One of Bane’s eyebrows went high and he huffed at the candid remark:

“Hm… … I’ve been called worse.”

You bit on your cheek and waited for him to finish his coffee in silence, but he had more to say.

“You should change your appearance; it’s safer if they’re searching around for the runaway girl that dared retaliate.”

You nodded a yes, wondering how you could accomplish such task. He wasn’t wrong: it would have evidently aided if they were indeed hunting for you.

“I know somebody,” Bane insinuated the path of action. “I can bring Zorina here and she can work her magic; the woman’s a pro.”

“Sure,” you welcomed his proposal and instantly blurred out: “I have money stashed at my apartment; it’s a hefty sum, all cash. I’ll have to retrieve it then I will be able to reimburse you for everything you’re doing for me.”

He snorted, entertained at your passionate tirade:

“Reimbursed!” Bane repeated and slammed the cup on the counter, preparing to bail. “Don’t worry about that; they might have the condo under surveillance or maybe they already raided the rooms and took your money.”

“I hope not…” you frowned, swiftly tense at his warning.

“Wait for Zorina,” the suggestion alleviated your anxiety a bit. “I’ll text her and she can be here in one hour. I am going out of town in the morning; I will return on the 27th,” he grabbed his mask from the table. “If you have an emergency, call the number I uploaded as an emergency contact,” Bane handed you a brand new cell phone.

“Will you be the one answering?” Y/N asked.

“Yes,” he confirmed and noticed how relieved you seemed at his affirmation.

Bane came back after 10 days, on the 27th as scheduled. You were outside on the porch and he stopped in his tracks when you emerged from behind the wood pillars.

“How do I look like?” you presented the new Y/N to the stunned man instead of a conventional greeting: your hair was completely white, shaved on the left side and the fresh skull tattoo inked on the exposed skin completed the ensemble quite beautifully. The dark red eyeshadow and black leather suit scored extra points with your future husband.

Bane was a straightforward person and didn’t utter words unless he meant them, yet the unpredicted reply still made you smile:

“Like a Goddess.”

*************

For the next six months you helped with whatever was necessary: it kept you busy and while you understood everything was a test, you were able to form your own opinions too.

Bane wasn’t a mindless brute: he was intelligent, outspoken and articulate; the crew didn’t question his decisions not necessarily due to his physical appearance that indicated he could level anyone to the ground with one punch, but because they respected him.

You blindly plunged into an unfamiliar environment: in the great scheme of things, your ex Vee has invariably been a pawn struggling to find his way up to the top. Weren’t you the same now? Another small piece of the puzzle trying to figure out where it belongs?  

You weren’t positive so you kept your distance from the team members and never really talk to them; Y/N only did what she was told and stayed away from social interactions. After your disappointing past experiences, one could have said you didn’t like people. Why bother?

Even Bane was probably going to send you on your way soon: he kept on coming to the house more often and your best speculation was that he was getting ready to tell you to vacate the property. Which was fair; you couldn’t rely on his hospitality forever. And for some reason it made you sad.

It was true that Bane dropped by more often: from barely visiting the hideout once a month before your arrival, he multiplied his visits to 3-4 times a week. Under the pretext of checking up on his protégé and give her assignments, of course. It had nothing to do with how much he liked seeing your face light up every time he was around.

One night you fell asleep in front of the fireplace: it was cozy to pile up blankets and watch the longs burn until they turned into ashes. You woke up around 2 in the morning and stretched, surprised to see Bane passed out on the couch a couple of feet away. You didn’t hear him sneak in and assumed he had a motive for being there: to finally tell you he wanted the residence evacuated.

You rolled over and got on your knees, carefully placing two more logs on top of the dying fire.

“Add more,” the deep tone made you jump. “It’s getting chilly.”

“Hi,” you tilted your head to look at him. “I didn’t mean to awake you,” you apologized and did as requested.

“You didn’t,” Bane rubbed his eyes, totally used with short power naps instead of dozing off for hours.

You delayed more conversation, but it had to be addressed although you dreaded the subject; maybe he was expecting you to get the hint so you gathered the courage to speak up:  

“I was debating… I should…e-hem…” you fakely coughed, “… find a new establishment…”

“Don’t you wanna stay?” he cut you off.

“I do,” you admitted, “but it’s not fair to take advantage of…”

Bane’s laughter at the statement made you halt your small presentation; it was his strategy of disguising how discouraged he was at your arbitrary idea.

“I doubt I’m the type that can be taken advantage of,” he got on his elbow and you abandoned the warmth of the fireplace in order to sit down by him on the sofa. “You don’t have to go anywhere…unless you wish to,” he gave you choices once more.

You glared at each other for a few seconds and then you demanded:

“Can you please take your mask off?”

“Why?”

“I want to kiss you.”

Bane unsnapped the leather straps without a second invitation: God knows he seldom dreamed about it without paying attention to what it truly meant.

Your lips touched and the intimacy made him slowly pull you in his arms; it seemed natural that the woman he was in love with belonged there.

“My name is Y/N,” you suddenly moaned in between kisses and Bane paused, eager to mention:

“For your own safety I suggest to never disclose it to another living soul. It’s better if you don’t exist; a ghost doesn’t have a past or present thus can never be seized.”

“I like the notion of being a Ghost,” you intertwined your fingers with his. “And you have to call me something; the rest of the world also.”

“Sounds like you got yourself a deal,” Bane grinned and instantly cautioned: “I also have to bring up to your attention that I’ve never slept with a Goddess before.”

Your mouth got close to his ear and you whispered:

“I’ve never slept with a Handsome Brute but I believe we’ll manage.”

************

Today, 1:13 am

Your cell phone keeps on vibrating on the nightstand; attempting to ignore the insufferable noise might wake up Bane: you exhausted your husband last night and he has to recharge. You’ll probably need his services by morning time so… might as well make an effort for his sake.

Great, it’s The Joker.

“Hello?” you keep your voice down.

“I was thinking,” the insomniac King of Gotham gets straight to the core of the issue without apologizing for the late call. “Next time Bane’s out of town and you don’t accompany him, I should take you out to dinner; then we can get some stuff out of our system.”

Is he for reals?!

“I have a better proposal!” you hiss, irritated. “Next time Bane’s out of town without me, you’ll take your girlfriend out to dinner and then you can get whatever you want out of your system with her!! I’ll wait for my husband and then when he comes home he’ll know how to take care of my system!! GOT IT??!!” you hang up and J is displeased at your behavior:

“How fucking rude!” he puffs, cuddling next to Kara; she’s snoozing after her misfortune. 

“Who’s that?” your spouse groans.

“Uggghh,” you snuggle to his chest, aggravated by J’s crap.

“Idiot…” HB wraps both naked bodies tighter in the fluffy cover since he guessed the name; your reaction is enough clue.

Ghost pecks his shoulder and gradually relaxes, 100% convinced of the only truth in her life: if she ends up with nothing again, as long as he’s there she will still have everything.

Part 1: diyunho(.)tumblr(.)com/post/187322128171/the-joker-x-reader-ghost-part-1

Also read: MASTERLIST

diyunho(.)tumblr(.)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

You can also follow me on AO3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - Tapes

The Mystery Shack was quiet, a rare treat for the hectic household. Waddles was enjoying the silence, glad to be back in his old home. He enjoyed the scratches behind the ear from Mr. Pines and the belly-rubs from Mrs. Pines and the couch in the living room back in Piedmont, but the pig felt comforted by the sounds and smells of the cabin in the woods of Gravity Falls. It was like being hugged by an old friend or a family member unseen for too long. While he slept in the old armchair, the only human in the house sat on the floor, watching the pig sleep.

Ford shook his head and chuckled under his breath, craning his neck to look at Mabel's pet. It was cloudy outside, like it might rain soon, but for now the weather was dry. Ford turned to face front again, facing the TV, as he sat on the carpet with a big box out in front of him. At the end of last summer, when trying to help Stan regain his lost memories, Ford had dug out some old home-movies of the twins going on adventures, building the Stan O' War, and battling ghost pirates. When it was time to depart for the sea, in the chaos of it all, the film reels Ford had kept hidden away over the years had been haphazardly shoved into a box that was then tucked by the TV. Reorganizing the movies seemed like a nice task to take part in with everyone else in the Shack gone.

Carefully as to not ruin the tapes, Ford laid out each reel on the carpet and started to read the labels. Some were neatly written in his mother's handwriting, while others were quickly jotted down in Stan's chicken scratches or in Ford's little cursive writing. Quests to find the Jersey Devil, adventures to discover Atlantis, and progress of their beloved boat all laid out on either side of the old scientist, and Ford held his cleft chin with a six-fingered hand when his eyes averted back to the cardboard box and discovered VCR tapes.

Ford began to read the labels. Well, all the labels there were, anyways. Some of the tapes were blank and intrigued Ford the most, and so to discover what they were and how to best organize the home-videos, he randomly selected a tape and slipped it in the VCR player. He turned on the screen and pressed play on the player. After a quick second of nothing but static, Ford smiled at seeing his grandnephew sitting at the desk in the attic-bedroom that separated the younger twins' beds.

"Welcome to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained." The boy said, taking advantage of the night as he sat in his orange t-shirt and grey shorts. "Today, Gravity Falls' Anomaly #13: The Modius Chicken Strip."

Ford made himself comfortable, his knees up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs, as he watched the twelve-year-old give a small investigation about said chicken strip. It seemed like the kind of thing Ford would've done at Dipper's age. His mind began to wander when the Dipper on screen said,

"Well, that concludes Gravity Falls' Anomaly #13: The Modius Chicken Strip." He pulled the strip out of the basket and munched on it happily. "It's infinitely delicious."

Suddenly, catching Ford's attention, some small creature sped by the camera, knocking it over and sending playing cards all over the floor.

"Whoa! Hey! What the…? Ah!" Ford watched as Dipper aimed the camera at his sleeping twin sister. "Mabel, did you see that? Wake up!"

"Never. Let me sleep forever." Mabel moaned as she turned her back on her brother, making Ford chuckle. Yup, she was definitely related to Stan.

"Some creature just jumped out of nowhere!" Dipper explained. "It's eating out leftover Summerween candy!"

That got Mabel's attention. "What?!"

"Look!"

Ford peered at the screen as Dipper turned the camera to where a small monster was nestled inside an old tire and eating the children's Summerween candy. The scientist's eyes widened with wonder and disgust as he saw a…

"Ew, it's like a… naked little man." Mabel said it best and Ford privately agreed with her, its sharp teeth, beady red eyes and lack of sanity making it apparent that it wasn't human. Ford honestly didn't know what it was. A rabid gnome? A gremlin?

"Okay, this is now Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, #76… uh, That Thing." Dipper announced to the camera as he showed a title card to the one-man audience.

Ford edged himself closer to the screen as Mabel tried to get the monster to drop the basket of candy, but he only licked it creepily and the static appeared again, but was soon replaced with Dipper wearing some sort of makeshift armor out of stuffed animals and had clubs and a trash can for weapons.

"I'm gonna capture him for science." Dipper said boldly.

"And for candy!" Mabel added from behind the camera. Sweet Lord, how similar were Mabel and Dipper to Stan and Ford?

"Get this on tape in case I die or whatever."

Ford laughed and watched with a smile on his face as Dipper slowly crept up to That Thing and tried to trap it. Using a club to edge the candy closer, he waited until the monster grab the treat and Dipper just barely missed it with his little trap. That Thing climbed up the ceiling, the bucket of candy in his sharp teeth, and Mabel tried to hit it with a stuffed toy that only fell back on her as she yelled, "Die, mutant, die!" The creature ran out of the bedroom and the twins followed, the camera losing focus for a moment as the kids ran down the stairs. That Thing pounced on Dipper when they reached the living room and the video cut to the monster sitting on top of the fridge. Eventually they chased it back into the living room to then have it be distracted to the TV. Ford laughed at the irony, seeing how he was just as drawn to the TV screen now as the monster was to whatever movie he was watching.

The film cut away and made Ford laugh again to find the children sitting and eating candy as they watched the movie with the monster, to whom Soos confused for Stan. That was the end of the tape and it soon poked out of the player. Ford rewind the tape as he looked for a new one to watch. That same pride he had for his nephew when he read the boy's entries in Journal 3, when Dipper saved him from the spaceship, and when Dipper graduated middle school last month returned strongly in Ford's chest. The same could be said for Mabel, too. The logical part of Ford told him to only glance at the tapes so he could know how to organize them best, but his softer side told him to enjoy watching the tapes he didn't know existed until three minutes ago.

The second tape showed Dipper holding the camera as he stood in town. "Alright, ah… welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. Today we investigate Gravity Falls' Anomaly #82: This Guy." Dipper panned the camera to a balding man with a mustache reading a newspaper and sipping coffee in a bowling alley. He looked like he was an employee on his break. "Sure he looks normal, but if he's so normal explain why he's always facing left."

The video cut away to many shots of the man always facing left, and Ford had to admit that his behavior was very abnormal. He held his chin in thought as the man was so inclined to run and walk backward to avoid being seen by his right side.

"Literally, I've been following him around for weeks, and I've never once seen the right side of his face. And neither has anyone else." Dipper explained. "But why? Mabel. Theories?"

The camera panned to Mabel as she pulled out a bunch of drawings of their theories and narrated through them. "Theory One: he's hiding an embarrassing sunburn. Theory Two: half-man, half-lizardman. And Theory Three (my person favorite): he's normal, and Dipper's just crazy!"

"That's not a theory! That doesn't count as a theory!"

Mabel and Ford both laughed and Dipper walked into the bowling alley, giving Mabel control of the camera as he managed to convince the poor guy that it wasn't on. Dipper tried to get the guy to show his right side by passing shoes and giving Dipper his fallen wallet, but in the end it looked like the boy was going to give up, until the man was about to pick out a bowling ball and Dipper shoved him by the shoulder, revealing the right side. Ford gasped as half of a robotic man was missing, revealing little green jelly-like creatures that committed suicide as soon as their cover was blown. The robot was disassembled, caught fire, and set off the sprinklers in the bowling alley.

"Well, that concludes anomaly #82!" Dipper said as he and his sister ran for their lives. "Uh, I think we might wanna burn this tape!"

Ford shook his head, seeing how the boy must have forgotten to, and he rewind it before selecting another tape. The old scientist had seen many things in his inter-dimensional travels and within the magnetism of Gravity Falls, but anomaly number eight-two might be best left alone. Regardless, he had no intention of burning the tape. Ford picked another tape at random and slipped it into the VCR player. He chuckled at seeing Dipper's abnormally-large head being crushed by his sister's fingers.

"Hello, I'm Dipper Pines. The girl trying to crush my head in Mabel."

"I'm helping!"

"Today on Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained - okay that, that's enough - today, we investigate Anomaly #23: Grunkle Stan's Secret Tattoo."

Ford's heart sunk uncomfortably as the camera panned to a board full of Stan's back and shoulder and ideas of what the hidden symbol could be. Clearly, Stan was very careful to not let anyone see it, and today the children were going to try to figure out why and what it was.

"What is he hiding? A college prank? Secret symbol? Or something stranger?" Dipper asked the camera. "Stan claims it doesn't exist, but today we're gonna find out."

Ford was deaf to Mabel trying to show what was under her bandage as he thought about the "tattoo". Stan's scar was a painful reminder of everything Ford had done to him, of all the things Ford did to his brother over the years, like refusing to thank him after saving him from the Nightmare Realm, letting him live on the streets for ten years, and erasing his mind. He had called Stan up to Gravity Falls, he had demanded Stan take the first journal and get as far away as possible, he had refused to let Stan destroy the book, and he had kicked Stan into the hot symbol, burning through his clothes, killing his flesh, and leaving him tagged like an animal.

Ford rewind the tape when he saw Dipper hiding on the roof from an angry uncle and picked up another tape to watch. He had just pulled out the tape with Stan's scar when the door opened and closed and Waddles perked up. Mabel came into view and the pig ran into her arms. She giggled at having her cheek licked and hugged her pet tightly.

"Hi, Waddles. Did you have a nice nap?" Mabel looked up and her smile grew. "Hey, Grunkle Ford! Whatcha doin'?"

"Hello, Mabel." Ford greeted as he carefully stacked the already-watched tapes and picked out a new one to watch. Hopefully the next one wouldn't shove his mistakes back in his face. "I'm organizing these videos."

"Oo!" Mabel said and put Waddles down, who retreated back to the armchair and curled up for a nap.

The brunette pulled put out a blue sweater-in-the-making, some yarn, and a pair of needles from behind the armchair and sat next to Ford on the floor. The old scientist smiled down at his grandniece and started the next video.

"Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. Anomaly #54: The Mailbox."

Mabel's eyes widened and she gasped, "You found Dipper's tapes! Hey, I remember when we found that mailbox."

"You do?" Ford asked as Dipper explained how the mailbox had no house or address.

Mabel nodded and scooted closer to Grunkle Ford as she knitted a sweater. Ford smiled, sat with his legs crossed, and had Mabel in his lap as they watched Soos slip a letter into the mailbox. Mabel looked up to see Ford's shocked expression when the tail of the mailbox lifted on it's own and a new letter was inside the mailbox. The thirteen-year-old girl laughed and continued to watch Dipper and Soos test the mailbox.

"What did I shave into my head this morning? 'A baby duck holding a paddle ball.' Dude! It knew!"

"What?!"

"Ask it more questions!"

"When is the end of the world? '3012'. Huh, we got awhile."

"Who's my dream-woman? Whoa! Hot tamales! Save that one for the archives…"

"What is the exact time and date of my death?"

"Did aliens built the pyramids?"

"Or… what is the meaning of life?"

"What are marshmallows made out of?"

"Or… who wrote Journal #3?!"

"Who wrote the journal?! WHO WROTE THE JOURNAL?!"

Ford's face suddenly felt hot as his nephew said, "We're finally gonna get the answer to the greatest mystery in Gravity Falls!"

Mabel laughed over the tape of her destroying the mailbox by trying to mail a video of her shoving gummy worms up her nose at remembering her twin's old obsession. "Oh, man! I almost forgot how crazy Dip-Dip was to find you! He spent half of last summer obsessing over who wrote the journal."

Ford smiled gently at remembering the excitement Dipper had when he first met his great-uncle. While Mabel had happily shaken his hand, claiming his extra finger made it more friendlier than normal, Dipper had nearly thrown up over discovering who the Author of the Journals was. Not only that, but the author was a family member - his long-lost Great Uncle Stanford - and would grow closer to him as time went on.

Ford rewinded the tape and looked down at Mabel pleasantly. "I can imagine it was thrilling to have such a big mystery solved."

Mabel nodded. "At first we thought it was Old Man McGucket, but then we found a memory that explain that he was your assistant. We kinda hit a roadblock after that, but I know Dipper never stopped thinking about it, even if he was dealing with Time Baby, an angry Love God, or a level-ten ghost." Mabel picked up a tape and said, "Let's watch this one next!"

Ford let her slip it into the machine since the episode about the mailbox was done resetting, and they watched an episode in which Dipper and Mabel tried to find The Hide Behind. Ford let out a soft "ah" when he recognized the page in Journal 3 that told of a "mysterious creature always just out of sight". First, Dipper did some interviews to confirm from locals if The Hide Behind was real or not.

"The Hide Behind?" Manly Dan asked and Ford smiled fondly at seeing who had once been a teenager and built his home was now a grown man with his own kids, three of which was cutting a tall tree down behind the lumberjack. "Oh, he's real alright, REAL AS MY BEARD!"

"I remember Boyish… I mean, Manly Dan." Ford told the girl in his lap. "He and his father built this house. Well, mostly he built the house. Dav Corduroy wasn't as young as he once was, but Dan was more than up to the task."

"Wendy's dad built the Shack?!" Mabel gasped.

"Yup." Ford chuckled.

"Dad…"

"It's comin' down!"

"DADDY'S DOING A MOVIE!"

Dan yelled without even looking behind him as a tree was falling and threatened to crash his house. "He's doing a movie now…"

Ford and Mabel both laughed as the tree fell on top of their house and then the video cut to an interview with Lazy Susan. A flash of lightning and then the sound of thunder occurred while the pair of Pines watched the home-video of Lazy Susan spinning and Grunkle Stan grunting that the people of Gravity Falls were literally the dumbest people in the world. Literally. And to prove a point, the video cut back to Lazy Susan pointlessly spinning on one spot.

By the time the video about The Hide Behind had ended, it was raining hard outside. The drops of water drummed on the roof and the thunder and lightning were distant enough that they were not afraid of a disaster occurring and could enjoy the sights and sounds of the summer storm. Ford and Mabel both awed at the dark figure that hid behind Dipper as he walked away. Ford's eyes were as wide as saucers and he grinned.

"Incredible! Dipper managed to get the Hide Behind on camera!"

"Wait until Dipping Sauce finds out!" Mabel said gleefully.

While Ford rewinded the tape, Mabel suddenly jumped up and ran off. Soon the sweet smell of popcorn wafted from the kitchen and into the living room, and Mabel soon came back with a big bowl of popcorn.

"What good is watching movies without snacks?" Mabel asked as she held up the bowl to her Grunkle Ford.

He smiled. "I agree, my dear. Thank you." He popped some pieces into his mouth and the teenager resumed her spot on his lap and continued to work on her blue sweater.

Ford inserted the tape just as the door opened and closed once more. Dipper walked in, wet from the trip home, and pulled his blue journal out of his vest to make sure it was dry. He sighed with relief to find that it was, looked at his family in the living room, and said, "Hey guys, what are you watching?"

The teenager's eyes widened when he saw himself appear on the screen.

"Welcome to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. Anomaly #42: The Tooth."

"Oh, no!" Dipper panicked, his hands over his signature pinetree hat, the hat he had traded with Wendy when he left last summer and had gotten back when the twins arrived back in Gravity Falls. "No, no no!"

"C'mon, Dipper!" Mabel whined as the camera panned to giant tooth, scaled by Mabel.

The video then cut to Dipper playing the tuba. The boy groaned and held his face, covering his eyes, as Ford marveled at his grandnephew playing an instrument by the lake.

"You play the tuba?" Grunkle Ford observed and turned to find Dipper clearly uncomfortable. A bit confused as to what the boy was embarrassed about, Ford said, "Don't worry, Dipper. I can play the piano."

"You can?" Mabel awed as she watched the screen and saw her twin brother examine the giant tooth.

"Your great-grandmother taught me before Pa made Stanley and I take boxing lessons." Ford explained and cringed. He made himself promise to never refer to Ma as a great-grandmother again; it made him feel too old.

The video cut to Tate McGucket in his tackle-shop as Dipper and Mabel interviewed him. Dipper sat in the armchair with Waddles and petted the pig to give him something to do other than watch in humiliation.

Ford stared and pointed to the TV. "Wait, is that Fiddleford's son? Tater?"

Mabel nodded. Sweet Lord, the four-year-old boy was all grown up. A man now. Yes, Ford was well aware he had been gone for thirty years, but to see Dan and Tate had changed so much really showed how much time has passed. Then again, they weren't the only people to have changed. Pa was gone, Ma was now a great-grandmother, Shermie had grandchildren for crying out loud! Shermie's son, whom Ford had seen as a baby when he was in high-school, had children of his own. So much time had passed in the long years Ford had roamed the dimensions after the incident. He became so lost in his own thoughts that he almost didn't catch Mabel's response to his question.

"Yeah! He's a nice guy! Isn't he living with McGucket now?"

"That's what I heard." Dipper said from the armchair.

Ford nodded in agreement, having heard from his Fiddleford recently, and the old scientist tried to focus on the home-video.

"I'm here at the lake to investigate. I brought Mabel for backup."

"And I brought Bear-O, my adorable childhood puppet! Hey-Oh! Ain't that right, honey? 'Did somebody say "honey"?!' Haha!"

"Nope. Creepy. Bear-O's creepy. Everyone hates Bear-O."

"'But Dipper, who could hate Bear-O?'"

Mabel had asked in her Bear-O voice.

"I can think of a few people."

While the screen showed just how much people hated Bear-O, Mabel glanced up to see what her Grunkle Ford thought of her childhood puppet. She grinned, mistakenly taking his look of disgust for a look of delight, and said,

"Aw, see, Dipper?" The brunette said. "Grunkle Ford doesn't hate Bear-O!"

Dipper was too busy sitting in misery to argue as he watched the pair of twins paddling out onto the lake, thankfully without the creepy bear.

"Mabel, I have seen many disturbing things among my travels across the multiverse," Ford narrated. "Very little makes my skin crawl anymore, but somehow Bear-O has managed it."

"Thank you, Grunkle Ford!" Dipper sighed.

"Boo!" Mabel yelled as she resumed her knitting and watch as bubbles started to come up from the lake.

"Dipper, look!"

"They're over by that island!"

Ford leaned forward a little to see if his old theory of a giant head being disguised as an island was true. He had never taken the time to fully investigate, the idea coming to him in the midst of building the portal, but now he wondered if he was going to receive some answers thanks to his niece and nephew.

"We have to see what happens. What was that?" The camera glitched and something was rumbling. "Oh, no! What's happening?!"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! ROW, ROW, ROW!"

Ford, Mabel and Dipper watched as the camera was sat in front of Dipper, facing him and the island, and watched as it emerged from the lake and yelled in a horrible voice; the island was in fact a giant floating head with a missing tooth.

"HOLY MOSES!" Ford yelled in shock.

"IT'S GETTING CLOSER! KEEP ROWING!" The camera glitched and soon the little audience saw Dipper looking for the camera. "I dunno. I've been looking for... there it is."He picked it up and explained, "Okay, after it attacked us, that giant head-thing just sunk back into the lake, and it lost another one of it's teeth trying to eat our boat! But the important thing is, we survived. Barely."

"Huh, yeah… 'Did somebody say "Bear-ly"?'"

Ford and Dipper both yelled in horror and Mabel scowled as she worked on her sweater angrily. Ford rewinded the tape and caught the sound of his nephew groaning in misery. He turned as much as he could with Mabel in his lap to find Dipper shielding his eyes as much as his hat could.

"Why did you have to look at those stupid tapes?" He groaned, embarrassed that his old idol had seen his amateur Guide to the Unexplained.

"Dipper, I thought you made those videos to show people the weird stuff or whatever." Mabel said as she worked. "Why are you getting so embarrassed over it?"

"I dunno, I just…" Dipper lifted his hat a little to uncover his eyes and he hugged his knees as he sat in the armchair with Waddles. "It's nothing but stupid aggression of an adolescent. I guess… I guess when I made them I never thought that one of the greatest investigators of anomalies would ever watch them."

Ford watched the teenager carefully and something dawned on him, something that nearly made him throw up. When Ford returned to his home dimension, he had his journals in his possession. He had opened Journal 3 and assumed that he'd skip a page or two from where he left off and resume documenting his research and findings in it, but he had found that his nephew had written and drawn on it. At the time, Ford was immensely angry about everything changing and needed to vent, so he passed off Dipper's recordings as pointless diary entries and spent all night spilling his aggravations onto the pages.

Dipper and Mabel only had the journal a handful of times after that. Ford had asked Mabel to record what she had discovered about unicorns and then Ford gave all three of the journals to Dipper to "look after them" while he hunted down the Mothman for some money he owed him, when in actuality Ford wanted to thank the boy for his loyalty and understanding by letting him look at his recordings, completely forgetting the harsh judgment he had indirectly delivered to Dipper by saying that being a twin was the only thing they had in common. If Dipper hadn't read Ford's rant then he most definitely did when the journal was restored and found just before summer ended.

Obviously, things were different than that first night Ford was home. Dipper and Ford had grown to be very close and the old scientist saw just how similar they were. It was a shame that Dipper never had a chance to read what Ford had written about his nephew before they threw the book into the Bottomless Pit. Ford had taken the time to read Dipper's last passage and wrote his own farewell, which contained something that Ford had mistakenly never taken the time to tell the young man. Ford had hoped that the old feeling of needing to earn his approval had died months ago, but clearly Dipper still felt the need to prove himself worthy to his hero. Ford was determined to make sure that Dipper knew that his fears were unfounded.

"Dipper," Ford said softly and the thirteen-year-old looked up at him. "I… I am flattered that you think so highly of me, but please understand that I hold you in the highest regard. You are far wiser at thirteen than I was at thirty and have a bright future ahead of you. And, for what it's worth, I'm very proud of you and your work, and I'm glad you recorded it so I could see it."

Dipper pressed his lips together and Ford was uncertain if he was trying to hold back a squeal or tears. He somewhat got his answers when Dipper wiped his stinging eyes with his arm and cleared his throat. "Th-Thanks, Grunkle Ford."

Ford gave him an encouraging smile and turned back to the VCR when it ejected the tape. "Unfortunately, this is the last one. Shame really, I've really enjoyed Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained."

"Let's make another one!" Mabel cried out and turned to Dipper. "What do you say, Dipper? What anomaly number should we work on?"

Dipper opened his journal and turned to the latest page. "I think I have just the oddity…"

"Hello! I'm Dipper Pines, here with one of the greatest investigators of anomalies of all time and achiever of twelve PhDs, Dr. Stanford Pines!"

"Thanks for the introduction, Dipper."

"Hey, how come I don't get one?!"

"Mabel, you're so spontaneous that you don't need one."

"I'll take that as a compliment!"

"Today we're here to investigate Anomaly #168: the Mothman. He owes Grunkle Ford some money and has been avoiding him ever since."

"But today we're gonna make that creepy bug pay him back! No one cheats a Pines!"

"You are definitely Stanley's niece."

[faveficarchive]

The Other Side of Fortune

By Bongo Bear

Pairing: N/A, Xena & Eve

Rating: PG

Synopsis: A bit-piece on Xena seeing the other side of a war she helped win. 

The parade route wound around the city square three times before finally it settled in front of the main platform. The mayor, a stodgy balding fellow, eagerly stepped forward to deliver his speech commemorating the tenth anniversary of the defeat of their sworn enemy, the city of Aledale. His people followed Eli's teachings. Before they were conquered, Aledale honored the gods of Olympus.

"Ten winters ago, the final battle raged not a mile from where we now stand. We were losing until Eli smiled down upon us and gave us victory. Xena, Warrior Princess and Defender of the Faith, you were our protector then. Today we honor you. Please come forward and say a few words." The mayor extended his robed arm from the podium and pulled Xena up onto the platform. He presented her the keys to the city.

The Defender kept her back to the audience instead of soaking in the crowd's adulation. She even cringed slightly when thunderous applause rose up. She turned to the crowd and croaked out, "Thank you. I appreciate the honor you offer me, but I cannot accept it."

The mob chanted, "Xe-na, Xe-na, Xe-na." Finally, she accepted the brass keys and quickly walked off the stage.

"What is wrong with you? You're usually more," Eve said, "more polished than that."

"I know. I know." Xena shrugged off Eve's hand on her elbow. "I just need to get away from here. We're supposed to meet Gabrielle tomorrow."

As they shouldered their way through the crowd, the mayor yielded the podium to another speaker, a preacher man.

"The worshippers of the old gods made Aledale a den of iniquity. Our victory showed them the error of their sinful ways. We are now one city under one God. Eli showed us the Way and we all bask in his everlasting Light."

The preacher's voice faded into the distance as they walked toward the city's central fountain. Xena poured out a dipper of water into her hand and splashed the cold water onto her face.

"It could have gone the other way, you know." Xena said as she shook out the excess water from her hair.

"What do you mean?"

"A Galemedian messenger literally ran into me while I was camped in the forest near here. His mission was to deliver a scroll containing the terms of Galemede's surrender to Aledale's forces. He told me of their conflict and begged me to help. He said they followed Eli. Of course I helped. If that messenger hadn't come across me, if he hadn't told me that they were fighting for Eli, I would not have been involved at all."

"So you're saying that they were lucky to have found you." Eve said. "Well, don't knock good fortune, Xena. When at war, you need all the help you can get."

"I suppose. These keys," Xena said as she jangled them lightly, "don't feel right in my hands. I'm not sure they would feel right anywhere."

"The mayor and the townspeople would be offended if you didn't keep them. Besides, you fought for a good cause. How many battles can you honestly say that about?"

Xena shrugged.

"Where are we staying tonight? I saw an inn back there." Eve thumbed toward a side alley.

"I don't want to stay here. Galemede will party all night long. I want to rest." Xena eyed the buildings lying to the west of the city square. "Why don't we go across the river and look for an inn there? They seem quiet enough."

They crossed the long bridge over the river the locals called Fortune and quickly found an inn on the other side. Banners announcing the tenth anniversary festooned the posts supporting the front of the building, yet the inn itself was quiet. Judging by the number of horses tied up in front, Xena guessed that only a few travelers were taking up quarters. There was plenty of room for a couple more.

Xena approached the bar and asked for two ales. As the portly barkeep busied herself with filling the tankards, Xena said, "It's so quiet here compared to just across the river. Shouldn't you be celebrating, too?"

The woman suddenly stopped pouring the ale and set the large jug down. "What's to celebrate, warrior?" She looked Xena up and down. "Don't let the banners outside fool you. I put them up because I have to. There's nothing for us to celebrate here."

"Huh?" Eve asked.

"We must be in Aledale," Xena said.

"Yeah, welcome." The barkeep waved her hand around the dimly lit common area. As their gaze traveled around the room, they noticed the large cobwebs in the corners and the thick dust on the shelves. And through the large windows, they could see only a few buildings had candles lit in their front rooms. In the distance, a firework exploded over the central square in Galemede proper.

"It's changed. It's not as I remember it at all," Xena said.

"Don't know when you were here last, warrior. But you should know that old river Fortune is fickle. Some years she rises like a lady and lays rich silt on our farmlands. Other years, she's complete bitch and lays waste on a whim. Both cities have been rebuilt many times over."

"A real hopping place," Eve whispered into Xena's ear.

"I would love to celebrate something, but we can't even mourn our war dead properly. My boy's lucky. I found his body before corruption took hold. Most were buried in a mass grave." The barkeep continued, "Have you seen the cemetery over in Galemede? Notice the marble statues honoring their generals? It was paid for from the taxes levied on Aledale's commerce. Half of what you're paying for the ale you're drinking goes straight into Galemede's coffers."

"Well, Galemede did win. It's only fair that they recoup their losses from the lo..." Eve suddenly shut up when she felt Xena's elbow in her ribs.

"Say it, girl, 'losers'! That's what we are. I know it. We all know it. We're reminded of it every year."

"Doesn't Galemede share some of its good fortune with Aledale? You're all citizens of Galemede," Eve said.

"Some of the tax money comes back to us. We built a new school last year," the barkeep answered.

"See, it's not so bad, right?"

"Galemede sent some teachers over here to instruct our children in the way of Eli. But most of the adults still worship as we always have. In secret. That's how we worship these days. We will be the last to do so. Our children are becoming strangers to us."

"I'm sorry," Xena said.

"Don't be. We deserve it. Maybe you don't like our cause. Maybe you don't like us. We fought just as hard and as bravely. What good is that when there is no honor in losing? Though, it could have been worse. Galamede could have enslaved instead of assimilating us." The barkeep fell silent. She stared into space, her eyes only seeing the past.

She sighed deeply and came back to the present. "I talk too much. It doesn't matter anymore. Will you be wanting more to drink?"

Xena and Eve shook their heads. The barkeep gathered up their empty tankards and waddled into the back room to wash them.

She called over her shoulder before disappearing behind a ragged curtain, "The room at the end of the hall is available. I'll bring up fresh linens when I'm done here."

Xena and Eve walked to the back of the inn and found their room. As they unpacked their saddlebags, Eve said, "You did the right thing ten years ago. Galemede winning the war proved that Aledale was wrong to continue to worship the old gods. The Olympians never cared about people. Eli cared about everyone. Ares, Zeus, Athena, they were all evil. I'm glad they are gone."

"Even Aphrodite?" Xena asked.

"Except for her. She was Gabrielle's friend. When the rest weren't treating us mortals like toys, they were trying to kill us."

"The gods had their faults. I should know, shouldn't I? The gods were selfish immortals. That's a fact, regardless of the outcome of any war I fought. Winning this war proved nothing except that I'm a good commander and Galemede's soldiers were competent enough to follow my orders."

"Eli meant for you to fight, Xena. I just know it. You were his instrument to right a terrible wrong. It's really that simple."

***I 

The next day, Eve woke up with the sun. Xena was not in the room.

She went downstairs to question the barkeep when Xena walked through the front door. Eve caught a bag of provisions tossed in her direction.

Eve said, "You should have woken me up. I would have helped you buy more supplies."

"Nah, I didn't want to wake you. Besides, I had something to take care of. It's done now. I'm ready to leave whenever you are," Xena said.

"Give me half an hour to eat something and get cleaned up. Then I'll be ready."

After they left Aledale, the barkeep went to the cemetery like she always did each morning. She carried a bundle of flowers she picked while they were still wet with dew. As she knelt to place them on top of her son's grave, she found a set of brass keys.

Finis

[tacosandtomcos]

Spoiler Review for The Book Of Spells! pt 1

So how this is going to work is i’m going to list fun little facts about each queen and list a brief view of each section. buckle up, it’s gonna be a LONG post!

And since it got so big, this is gonna be a bit of a parter.

So we’re just doing the first three queens here.

The intro is basically glossaryck treating you like the next queen in his glossaryck way, he explains how he was born, and that he created the high commission to be contact points between the queens and realm of magic.

apparently he was literally made to serve the queens, from the moment he was born he was called to help them.

Also his hair is white because of silkworm slime, which can kill you...

also there was a high commission member we haven’t see before: Reynaldo the bald plate, but we’ll get back to him later.

Skywhynne

Fun Facts:

She didn’t believe in the stump

There were 27 queens before skywynne, so this rule has been going on for a LONG time.

middle name was lavender

they seem to say the first queen had a wand summoned to her because of her magic? But then again, that might just be a tale...

her mom was so eager to give up the throne, skywynne became queen at 17, and now her mom lives in a volcano. :p She literally sucks, she thought a book of fashion was more important to save then the book of spells. (Her name was lyric and she had a broom-wand).

The freaking lucitors pulled down half of mewni’s people into the underworld a century ago.

Her mom brought dragons to her wand ceremony, which destroyed everything. The castle was made of wood, some from the stump, so guess how that went? And the old book was destroyed because of it ( That’s the excuse for why we don’t see those 27 other queens). Skywynne started this new book and the castle we know today was being built.

Her mom made her pick fashion for her people to wear, skywynne literally just flipped and picked something random without a care in the world.

Had a make-up wand ceremony with just her parents.....on top of the destroyed castle.

her wand crystal is the clock’s face, and the ringing can be heard by certain creatures.

I think her mom was trying to set her up with Dip Kelpbottom but she just spent a ton of time using magic to kick them out. When she realized time was repeating herself and this was why, it’s what triggered her time powers. She used this to trick everyone into thinking they were building the castle in a day, which was actually 5 YEARS.

She really hated her mom pushing dudes on her, used it to fuel her magic XD

Made food with magic, it literally rained from the sky.It got to a point where it felt like the people of mewni only liked her for making them food to her. . Eventually she stopped doing so which lead to corn. Which scattered more monsters from their homes and made room for crops so her people could feed themselves and the population doubled.

Deleted gravity once.

Invented star’s lasso spell, warnicorn stampeade, and of course the time spell she ended up using.

Opened pandora’s box.

Raised the dead from the underworld for fun. Apparently zombies don’t eat brains but clown zombies do.

Only guy she liked was Sir Gem-Robin, failed to talk to him for four years when he got a gf. Which leads to -

Blew up a dimension using the spell star used to destroy toffee to take out her anger. (Apparently mewni is earth, just you know..another dimension of it). This was how she first dipper down, being pissed at her crush.

when the population doubled they took away more and more monster territory for them to live in, also teaching her people to fight.

She built a school whose title is clearly based off professor Xavier’s school from the X-Men.

After sir gem-robin got divorced, they got together. Also they eloped in a rock dimension surrounded by worms she saved from the dimension she destroyed.

She thought the fire killed gloss by he just spent all those years in the new book eating or on a trip. He has pet bugs living in the book. Skywynne is fond of bugs tho. Jushtin was two by this point and solaria was not even a twinkle in her eye yet, gloss was surprised she had a boy.

Skywynne saw great potential in jushtin, and let him hold her wand at times, thought he’d be a mighty magic wielder and a mighty ruler like her.

Gloss turned rhombulus’s hands into snakes to teach him a lesson....that snakes for hands sucked.

All in all, skywynne was alright, she is rather relatable if you’re one of those people who hate it when your parents pressure you into dating people or get annoyed at people who feel like they use you. She also was the queen that did start a new system and era for mewni.  There’s not a ton to say though she got herself into ALOT of crazy messes on accident.

Jushtin

Jushtin has a new title, he’s no longer “The boy-queen” he’s now known as “The uncalculated”. Not sure what this change was for but it’s not the only change in this book.

Apparently jushtin’s wand is alive.

He likes boy-bands, soda, was friends with a prince called Sazmo, had a crush on his math tutor, oh and we see what may be a spiderbite ancestor in here based on well....the bites. He had a crew which consisted of this spiderbite and his best friend, but also some weird mole man prince and an old man?

Jushtin speaks like he’s some weird gangsta, he has a crew but he spells this like “Tha cru”.  He used “Tha” , “Mah”, “Ma”and “Cur” a lot. And this applies to ALOT of other words he also misspelled because i think he thought it make him sound cool. (He put “Luv u mom” in his intro chapter.).

Wanted to make mewni a destination and put it on the map.

HE USES THE TERM “LIT” OMG.

Jushtin cares about cool cars that make him and his crew cool.

Made a spell to give horses wings? And make your chariot comfy? The punchline is, he literally does the same movement on all his spells.

Him being a math expert is no joke, despite his weird lingo he actually went through the effort to consider the math needed for the horses to lift the carriage.

His mom left him a note letting him know he left the book in a place filled with horse poop. Gloss was scarred for life. His mom wasn’t happy with him and wanted him to take better care of it.

His mom woke him in the middle of the night to let him know he was going to be having a sister and she was gonna take the wand and book. Y’know, considering they live in a matriarchy. Jushtin words this in a way that implies his mom was really sad about this, but she actually was SUPER happy about it. Jushtin pretended she was “Masking the pain” by jumping up and down and being excited.

Jushtin’s chapter was “Understandably since he was queen for like. a year”, short. I’m actually a bit sad we can’t see more but then again his lingo is so ridiculous i got no idea with him. It’s actually really funny for him to speak this way and sound like he’s trying to be a cool gang member, while also speaking math like a genuis. Weird mix.

Jushtin is arguably the most innocent queen in this book, he had no affect on the monsters and though he was very irresponsible i feel bad for him since it’s clear he REALLY wanted to be a ruler.

i actually feel slightly bad also cause it kinda seems like his mom had solaria simply because she lost faith in her son to literally do anything. But then again i dunno how serious he took being ruler based on his short chapter.

Solaria

She speaks like you’d think she’d speak, like a warrior.

Has the same millhorse her mom had so i guess these three shared the same horse.

Solaria made an INDEX on her chapter to see all of her entries. Her chapter could be it’s own book.

Saw monsters this way, why respect them when they don’t respect us? Queens need to expand their reach regardless what the monsters think. She also thought they were jealous and wanted their power.

She thought the past queens let the monsters get away with too much, decided to take this into her own hands. She wanted the monsters right under her thumb and wiped away from the land.

Alphonse the worthy and her tried peace, but war was inevitable when monsters attacked some of their bases. Alphonse was the secretary of the monster peace council.

She met with her council, Alphonse and hekapoo being involved, and they declared war. (Some of these members may be past royals of other kingdoms).

Solaria was losing until she decided they needed a new kind of warrior to drive the monsters back. She found some old spells from the old book  and from old tomes and came up with a solution. She wanted to create a superpowered magical army. (Basically she wanted to make super-soldiers).

Had peasants volunteer for the experimentation of these spells as she learned to weave them together to make her army. These soldiers were called Solarians.

Mina was the first to volunteer to be one. She is endowed with a weapon as powerful as solaria’s wand and it’s terminal to monsters. She became solaria’s most trusted solarian and her age seems to be result of this experimentation. (Not sure about her mind tho?)

Solaria was already allied with the ponyheads by this point, not so much the lucitors yet.

The solarians were successful in driving the monsters back. and they celebrated by burning the dead monsters on a pyre. (This book gets dark).

Soalrias had literally no interest in having a king, so it was just her and eclipsa.

Eclispa ran off to meet a young globgor and solaria thought he kidnapped her (Best way to meet your future in-law). Eclispa hid alot in the caslte and she begged her mom to talk to him but well..solaria of course thinks he’s a slobbering monster who will hurt her. Solara thought she snuck out to find her, but it’s clear she snuck out to see him. She also thinks eclipsa’s sad reaction is because she almost died...and not because she missed globgor and that he might’ve almost died.

Solaria gushes about eclipsa ALOT, about how smart she is and precious she is.

this chick literally has a page on how to kill monsters. The funny thing about his page is these SAME monsters are from eclipsa’s monster dating page, but here they are depicted WAY more evily then eclipsa’s chapter, which probably drew them more accurately. She also thinks they are happier dead, and would advice killing a frog man by cutting him in pieces. (She has no idea how to handle the lizard men properly cause eclipsa figures that out after she’s dead)

She sarcastically “Thanks” rhombulus for crystalizing her mewmans on accident. And provides a way to avoid dealing with that.

Though she was already friends with the ponyheads, she, alphonse, jushtin, and hekapoo worked together to make an alliance with the lucitors and ponyheads to help them in the war. This was successful and was the start of the lucitor-butterfly-ponyhead alliance. This helped them draw the monsters into the woods.

She had NO respect for the monsters, and would not ceasefire for them, she literally wanted to murder them all. She was going to make her wand a super weapon. 

Monsters fights lessened and her talents became less needed. She couldn't get her wand to become a super weapon and she felt like a failure.

She and gloss did not get along, she hated that he was apolitical and suspects he disliked her refusal to ceasefire on the monsters and kept the war going. Solaria thought the monsters would never stop till they took over and made them their slaves.

She kept a drawing eclipsa did at age 7 for her through the whole war as a token.

After her failure on that spell she decided eclipsa should now have the book.

So yeah, solaria has alot on the monster-mewman conflict and has a bunch of lore to think about. We know know why mina is so powerful, though not why she’s crazy. Though i wonder what happened to the other solarians?

And yes, she’s vicious about the monsters during a time of war. And this chapter has a lot of very dark implications and thoughts.

She does very much love eclipsa though, and adored her with all her heart. She seemed to love all her family an awful lot, never spoke bad about any of them.

Alphonse is important, because he’s actually the captain on star’s wall. I’m not kidding, he’s the SAME GUY.

and keep this in mind cause i’m gonna get back to that in-

PART 2!!

Yeah this post is getting so long we’re gonna have to split this review in a bunch of different sections.

But be patient with me, it’ll be worthwhile as we move onto eclipsa.

[marypsue]

dubsdeedubs said:  lich + ford ´･ᴗ･ `

Once upon a time, I asked for prompts of a character and a monster, for which I would write a hundred-word drabble. This is...more than a hundred words, as you may be able to tell. Featuring major character undeath, Bill Cipher being Bill Cipher, a TAZ: Balance crossover, Greek mythology references, the Power of Mabel, and many many more words than I expected to write.

I’m also on AO3 as MaryPSue!

...

It takes barely any voltage at all to set Fordsy’s hair on fire.

It’s honestly a little disappointing. Keratin has no heat tolerance! And sheesh, does it ever whiff when it burns! It’s really inconsiderate of Fordsy, to stink up the place. Bill’s gonna have to punish him for that. As soon as he regains consciousness, of course. No fun in electrocuting somebody who isn’t awake to hate it!

Speaking of ‘being awake’, Sixer’s been hanging there with his head down for an ominously long time now. Bill gives his belly a poke, but the momentum just swings him limply back and forth, the chains giving a faint, pathetic clink-clink.

“You, uh, sure you didn’t break him there, boss?” Kryptos whines from somewhere behind Bill, and Bill can feel his faces heating up with rage. How dare that – that polygon question him? Bill Cipher?

“OF COURSE NOT!” he snaps. “I KNOW THIS HUMAN’S LIMITS BETTER THAN HE DOES! TESTED MOST OF ‘EM MYSELF!”

“Okay, but, he’s not doing a whole lot of screaming anymore.” Kryptos points one cautious finger around Bill, in Ford’s direction. “Or, um, moving.”

“KRYPTOS?” Bill says, cheerfully.

“Uh, yes, boss?”

“IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP I’LL FEED YOU TO PYRONICA,” Bill says, still cheerful, turning back to his favourite pet human.

Unfortunately, Kryptos is right about one thing – Sixer isn’t doing a whole lot of moving anymore. More just kind of…hanging there and smoking slightly.

Boooo-ring.

Bill snaps his fingers, and a crackling blue arc of electricity leaps out of his pointed index finger to earth itself in Ford’s chest. Ford gives a pretty lame reprisal of the old kicking-and-screaming routine, his legs wobbling feebly against thin air, his ‘scream’ more of a tortured groan. It’s like he isn’t even trying.

“C’MON, SIXER, PUT SOME OOMPH INTO IT!” Bill complains, cutting the lightshow short. “THIS IS GETTING OLD! HAHA! JUST LIKE YOU!”

The only response he gets is the faint hiss of the little fires still going in Fordsy’s hair. He’s gonna have a constellation of bald spots when this is over.

“AW, COME ON,” Bill coos, tucking one finger under Ford’s tiny chin and gently lifting it from his chest. “DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE STILL SULKING ABOUT THE WHOLE ME-LYING-TO-GET-YOU-TO-DESTROY-YOUR-ENTIRE-DIMENSION THING!”

Ford’s eyes, which had been half-closed and downturned like he was ignoring Bill, suddenly flick up to stare directly into Bill’s pupil. Bill nearly drops Ford’s bristly little face in surprise at the ring of flickering red wrapped around each iris.

“OOH, SIXER, YOU’VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME!” Bill crows, delighted. “SHOULDA KNOWN YOU HAD ONE LAST TRICK UP YOUR SLEEVE! THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU, HOW THAT FUNNY LITTLE MEAT BRAIN OF YOURS NEVER STOPS TICKING!”

“Get your hands off me, Cipher,” Ford growls, under his breath, and it seems to Bill to have harmonics that it could only have picked up by echoing through some of the more Escherian corners of the Fearamid. “Or I can’t be responsible for what happens next.”

“OH, I’M SO SCARED!” Bill laughs, rolling his eye. “WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO TO ME, FORDSY, BITE MY KNEES OFF?”

When Ford’s eyes narrow, spitting red sparks, Bill can’t help but laugh again. “NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GONNA DO HERE? I’M ALREADY HERE! THIS DIMENSION’S AS GOOD AS MINE!” He throws his arms wide, gesturing to the whole of the Fearamid and his crew, the carnage outside, the enormous rift that dominates the yellow sky. “AND IF IT WAS THE MAIN COURSE, THEN YOUR LAWS OF PHYSICS MADE A NICE AFTER-DINNER MINT! A LITTLE BLACK MAGIC’LL BE THE PERFECT TOOTHPICK! BUT GO AHEAD! LAY IT ON ME!”

Ford starts to open his big mouth, probably to make some stupid speech about the power of friendship or something, and Bill zaps him again. Whatever he was about to say vanishes in a strangled half-scream as his whole body jerks, jittering like a marionette with its strings caught in a high-voltage power line.

Oh, wait. That’s exactly what he is!

“WELL?” Bill demands, in between zaps and the hoarse, exhausted noises of distress Ford keeps making. “DO YOUR WORST! REALLY LET ME HAVE IT, SIXER! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT! DON’T – HOLD – BACK!”

Ford’s body gives one final, enormous spasm, and then falls limp, his voice cutting out as his head falls backwards. One boot twitches, one shoulder jumps, but there’s no intelligence, no intention behind the movements. Just leftover electricity sparking frazzled nerves and jerking Ford’s limbs around like the puppet he is.

Bill twirls to face the audience of Henchmaniacs who’ve assembled to watch the fun, blowing across the tip of his pointed finger like he’s blowing smoke away from the barrel of a pistol. He quickly considers a variety of clever one-liners, discards them all just as quickly as not clever enough. “WELL, THAT WAS DISAPPOINTING! SOMEBODY GET ME ANOTHER MARTINI.”

Nobody laughs. Nobody cheers. Nobody raises a glass. They all just stare, with these stupefied expressions.

“WHAT? YOU’VE NEVER SEEN ME CRISPY-FRY A GUY ALIVE BEFORE?” Bill asks, looking over the assembled crew of nightmares and monsters.

“Uh, boss?” Kryptos quavers, slowly raising one hand, and that’s when Bill realises that those expressions of awe mingled with horrified respect aren’t aimed at him, but at something slightly behind him.

“OH, SH-” he starts.

...

It was about a decade into his thirty years of wandering the multiverse that Ford had first stumbled across the crew of the Starblaster.

It wouldn’t be the last time their paths would cross. Over those thirty years, Ford thinks he’d encountered the IPRE no fewer than seventeen times. Whether or not they were the same IPRE every time is a matter he prefers not to think about. It raises entirely too many questions that he isn’t certain he even wants the answers to.

He doesn’t remember exactly when the seed of an idea was planted. Doesn’t remember exactly when he realised the parallels between their situation and his. Both running from a world-devouring horror, both the only ones able to end its reign of terror. But, unlike the crew of the Starblaster, if Ford loses his life in his travels, he doesn’t get another at the end of a year. And there’s no one else who can stop Bill Cipher if he falls.

Ford’s always known that Bill Cipher would kill him, one day. He’d dared to hope that they would go down together, Holmes and Moriarty locked in deadly struggle over the edge of the Reichenbach Falls. But he’s always known, in the back of his mind, that it might come to this. That he might die before he has a chance to defeat Bill Cipher.

Thankfully, he thinks, before the electrical charge stops his heart and short-circuits his brain for good, he’s made sure that’s not a problem anymore.

...

The Shacktron’s almost within punching distance of the ominous floating black pyramid when the pyramid suddenly shudders in the sky.

“What -” Dipper starts, peering up through the Shacktron’s window. He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, though, because the pyramid gives another heaving shudder and then – explodes.

Well, okay, only one side of it explodes, with a sound like extremely distant and extremely loud fireworks, a burst of rainbow-edged black rubble, and ropes of crackling red lightning. Dipper has to blink a couple times to be sure he’s seeing right, but – yep, that’s the gigantic, hateful yellow face of Bill Cipher flying at top speed out of the middle of the pyramid wall in a shower of rubble, looking extremely surprised.

He’s followed by –

Dipper’s first, slightly crazy thought is that it’s a ball of red neon yarn, halfway through unravelling, like the ones Mabel’s always got three or four of hidden somewhere under her sweater. Then he thinks it’s ball lightning, like they’re always trying to use to explain away UFO sightings. But it’s more like…a ball of yarn, only the yarn is lightning. And wearing…a ratty old tan trenchcoat?

“Oh no,” Dipper mutters.

Bill whirls in midair, rounding on the crackling ball of electricity that Dipper’s somehow sure is his Great-Uncle Ford. Somehow. The last time he’d seen Ford, Ford had admittedly not been an amorphous mass – okay, more of a very rough, gigantic, skeletal humanoid figure, now – made of red lightning. But then again, the last time Ford had seen Dipper, Dipper wasn’t helping pilot a giant robot. It’s the end of the world. His great-uncle turning into a lightning-monster…skeleton?...isn’t the weirdest thing Dipper’s seen in the last twenty-four hours.

Although, he has to admit, it’s up there.

Bill’s voice reverberates through the air, rattling the Shacktron’s windows. “WELL THEN! THANKS FOR THE NEW PICTURE WINDOW, BUT I CAN’T SAY YOU’VE GOT MUCH OF A FUTURE IN INTERIOR DESIGN, SIXER!”

He raises one monstrous, noodly black fist, and Dipper feels something cold slither down his spine.

“CAN’T SAY YOU’VE GOT MUCH OF A FUTURE AT ALL!” Bill crows, before swinging that fist, like the hand of Fate, at the sparking figure that is Ford –

- and right through him.

“WHAT?!” Bill screeches, a feedback whine that forces Dipper to clap both hands over his ears if he wants to keep his eardrums.

Despite the fact that the thing that was Ford doesn’t really have any clear facial features, Dipper can still tell, somehow, that he’s smiling.

Bill’s eye narrows, going flame-blue, and Dipper throws out an arm, like he can reach across the mile or more between them and stop Bill in his tracks. But before Bill can do whatever he’s planning to do, two bolts of crimson lightning arc out from Ford’s trenchcoat, blowing it back in some eldritch wind, and earth themselves in the centre of Bill’s eye.

Bill doesn’t move, for a moment, and Dipper realises he’s holding his breath.

And then red lightning erupts, from between each and every one of Bill’s bricks, forcing them apart. Bill shakes, for a second, like the black pyramid had, his body straining to hold together even as lightning lashes through and between his bricks, pushing them apart. Dipper can see daylight through the cracks in Bill’s form.

And then –

Dipper has to throw up an arm to protect his eyes from the burst of red light as Bill – explodes, like he’s been stuffed full of dynamite and it’s all going off in a string, bricks flying in all directions and shattering into pieces as they fly apart. The roar is deafening.

The Shacktron erupts into cheers, almost drowning out the patter of smoking chunks of yellow triangle raining down around them. Dipper throws an arm up, instinctively, to protect his head, as one lump hisses past inches from the Shacktron’s main window, momentarily blotting out the sun. It’s hard to make out more than a hazy red glow through the clouds of drifting, slightly sparking smoke. And that glow could be the sun, the rift, or whatever power Ford’s summoned up.

“Well, guess we didn’t need to do all that planning after all,” Mabel says brightly, from somewhere to Dipper’s left. “Go, Grunkle Ford!”

To Dipper’s right, Stan crosses his arms over his chest. “See, kid? Told you my nerd brother didn’t need me to rescue him.”

“Um,” Dipper says. He’s pretty sure he’s not just imagining that that hazy red glow is getting brighter. And bigger.

And closer.

...

Cipher falls in pieces.

It's harder to think when you're dead. 

No. Not think. Focus. 

Focus.

Focus on what? 

Clouds of smoke too thick. Impossible to see if Cipher is re-forming. Too easy. This can't be it. After all this time? Can't be this simple.

Movement. On the left. Cipher's Henchmaniacs? Cipher himself? Immolated with a thought. So easy. Too easy.

Lup said something about this. About the power. About something else too. A warning. Not that he needs to be warned about anything anymore. Movement to the right this time becomes a pillar of flame. It’s so easy. 

He should have died years ago. If he’d known it would be like this, he would have. All that time wasted on quantum destabilizers when this power was waiting just under his skin? Foolishness. Selfish foolishness. 

So easy. After all this time. So easy to make Cipher burn.

So easy to make everything burn.

...

“Um, guys?” Dipper quavers, pointing towards the window where the red lightning skeleton guy is hovering. Sure, he’s wearing Grunkle Ford’s trenchcoat, and sure, he just blew up Bill Cipher, so it’s definitely Grunkle Ford, but it’s very important to take a moment and just appreciate this new look he’s rockin’. It’s a big change! He’s probably a little self-conscious about it. He’s gonna need lots of compliments. 

Good thing nobody gives compliments like Mabel!

“Grunkle Ford!” she cheers, running for the window. She ignores Dipper’s yell of “Mabel, wait!”. He can go be a big worrywart somewhere else. Mabel knows her great-uncles when she sees them. “That was so cool!” 

Mabel slaps both hands against the glass, leans her forehead against the window. On the other side of the glass, Grunkle Ford’s head tilts slightly to the left, lightning arcing from his shoulder down to his wrist in a wild, agitated wiggle. He raises his hand, palm towards the glass, and Mabel smacks her own hand against the glass between them in the best high-five she can give a skeleton guy made of lightning. Or should that be a high-six? Or - wait, now there’s another lightning bolt coming from Grunkle Ford’s hand, does that make it a high-seven - 

Stan tackles her around the waist and knocks her away from the window a second before it explodes.

...

Tiny figures scatter.

Mechanical monster lurches, roars. Another blast into its eye. Stumbles. Slow, certain, driving it back. 

Screaming. High and small and distant.

Monsters. All of Cipher’s monsters. All his waking nightmares. All his followers and friends.

Burn them all.

“Mabel, give it up! That’s not Grunkle Ford anymore!”

“For once I agree with your brother. My idiot twin’s lost whatever was left of his mind, we gotta get outta here before he explodes us too!”

“No!” A note to shatter glass. “Grunkle Ford, please! We’re your family! You have to remember!”

“Mabel!” 

“Sweetie, no!”

Tiny figure charges forwards. Arms raised. Skids to a stop at the burst of flame.

“Please! It’s me, it’s Mabel! And Dipper, and Stan - you have to remember your own twin brother -”

Twin...?

some brother you turned out to

“No!”

Tiny figure, darting forward. Two of them, now. Mirrored. Why? What new trick of Cipher’s - 

“Great-Uncle Ford, I know you don’t want to do this! You’re a hero, remember? Not the bad guy!”

because that’s what heroes

“Kids!”

That voice. Scared raw, tiny under metal shrieks and crackling flames, but - 

That voice - 

you stay away from those kids I don’t want

some brother

accident

poindexter

high six?

Ford gives himself a shake, all over. Like he’s waking from a long, long nightmare.

Stanley, crouched in front of the kids, glowers up from the wreckage of the Shack’s main window. Wait. The Shack isn’t - Legs. It has legs?

“You wanna hurt these kids,” Stan growls. Threatening a force of nature with his bare fis- oh. No. With Pa’s old knuckledusters. Well, that makes this so much less idiotic. “You gotta go through me first.”

“I’d...prefer not to,” Ford manages. Has that hiss in his voice always - No. That way madness lies. “I - is anyone hurt?”

“Hurt, no. Traumatized for life, probably,” Dipper says. “Great-Uncle Ford, what the fuck.”

“Dipper!” Mabel gasps.

“Mabel, we’re almost thirteen, you can stop pretending like we don’t know what swear words are! I know you only do it because you think Stan’s swear-substitutes are funny!”

“Wait, what? Have you kids been fucking with me all summer just to hear me say ‘hot Belgian waffles’ every time something went wrong?”

“No, just Mabel,” Dipper says. “For the record, none of this was my idea.”

“We’re gonna talk about this when we’re not standing in a giant robot that’s on fire,” Stan says. Glances up at Ford as he says it. “No thanks to you, Sixer.”

“I can’t actually,” Ford starts. “Um. Put it out.”

“Why am I not surprised,” Stan huffs. But he’s smiling. Kids clinging to him are smiling too. He doesn’t have a face, exactly, anymore, but - Ford knows he himself must be smiling as well. “Can you at least get us down from here?”

“Sorry, he’s not gonna be able to help you with that,” a voice - familiar? - says, just behind him, and then - 

a swish - 

a bright, blooming pain - 

and darkness.

...

“What did you do?!” the besweatered kid yowls, shaking tiny fists in the air. She’s like four feet nothing of pure childish adorableness wrapped in a pink confetti sweater, but Barry catches himself taking an involuntary step backwards anyway.

“Yeah, I kinda had to send your uncle -”

“Great-uncle,” the kid who looks like a fifty-year-old university professor in a twelve-year-old’s tiny, sweaty body says. He sounds as unimpressed as he looks. Same with the girl. It’s not the usual reaction to a literal grim reaper. Barry would be lying if he said he wasn’t thrown a little bit off his game.

“Grunkle!” the girl protests. “He’s our Grunkle Ford and you shouldn’t have done...whatever you did!”

“Sent him to the Eternal Stockade,” Barry says, annoyed. “You don’t just get a free pass for being a lich because your great-niblings are cute - wait, did you say Ford?”

Both the girl and the boy nod.

“Oh,” Barry says.

“Oh,” he says, again, looking around at the yellow sky and the big (but shrinking) glowing oil-slick X slashed across it and the menagerie of nightmares and monsters prowling the pines and the smoking chunks of yellow brick dotting the ground at the feet of the flaming robot.

“Uh oh,” he says, with feeling, looking down at the scythe in his hands. His currently very skeletal hands.

“Yeah, uh, Death, or whatever your name is? Can we take this conversation somewhere where we’re not about to burn alive?” the old guy with the kids asks, looking around him at the burning robot house. “Sure, I wanna be with my brother again, but I’d rather not get it by also dying.”

“Oh yeah. Uh, hang on a second,” Barry says.

“Running out of seconds here,” the old guy points out. “Real fast.”

“Okay, just -” Barry sighs. “Look. You want your great-uncle -”

“Grunkle!”

“Your grunkle back, okay, kid. Look, there are rules, and even if it was for a good cause, he broke them. The Raven Queen’s not gonna be too happy about that.”

“The who what with the what now,” the old guy says, deadpan, crossing his arms over his chest. Barry’s realising he kind of likes him. 

“The goddess of Death, can you try to keep up?”

“Wait, wait, so you’re not Death? There’s a hierarchy of Deaths? How does that work? If she’s a Raven Queen, is Death a monarchy? Is it constitutional, or does she rule by divine right? What -”

“Whoa, kid, slow down!” Barry says, partly because he’s a little scared the kid’s going to pass out if he doesn’t take a breath, partly because he doesn’t actually know the answers to at least half of those questions and he’s got a sinking suspicion they only get harder to answer from here. “Like I said. Raven Queen. Real pissed about liches. But -” he says, as they all start grumbling again, “and this is an important but, turns out she’s got a soft spot for heroes.”

“That’s Great-Uncle Ford!” the boy says, excited, sounding like a kid and not a fortysomething pencil-pusher for the first time. “He beat Bill Cipher and saved our dimension, he’s totally a hero -”

“Yeah. Only problem is, I already dropped him off in the Stockade. And, uh, they call it the Eternal Stockade for a reason.”

There’s a moment of silence, during which Barry notices a handful of people wearing colourful parachutes drifting towards the ground from the lower levels of the robot house. Are those...sweaters?

“Well, then, we’ll just have to go and get him!” the girl says, planting her hands on her hips and her feet shoulder-width apart like a tiny, determined Lynda Carter. Barry’s pretty sure the old man grumbles something like ‘oh, not again,’ but he chooses to ignore it.

“That’s the spirit! Now, since I’m kind of the grim reaper, I’m not...technically allowed to help you.” He holds up a hand when the grumbling starts again, gives his scythe a one-handed twirl before cutting a portal through into the Astral Plane. The waters lap quietly against the shore, a beautiful, soothing contrast to the sharp snap and hiss of the flames starting to devour the walls. “I can get you started, but you’re gonna have to get in there and get out with him in tow without me.”

The girl’s already charging through the portal. Barry watches her feet disappear into the Astral Plane, then turns to the other two. 

For the first time, the boy looks uncertain. “I...I don’t know about this. Will we be able to get back? How will we know where to find him?”

“Hey, kid,” Barry says, in what he hopes is a comforting voice. Skin. It would probably be more comforting with skin. He tries it again, with a human face this time. “Look, I knew your great-uncle, so I know what kind of guy he is. I don’t wanna see him stuck in ghost jail for the rest of eternity any more than you do.”

“Really?” the boy asks, looking up at Barry with wide eyes, even as the old man’s eyes narrow.

“You knew Ford.”

“Well, I wasn’t the grim reaper at the time, but yeah. We ran into each other a couple times,” Barry says. He leaves out the part where he is probably personally responsible for Stanford Pines, Lich. That’s a need-to-know. As in, nobody, ever, needs to know. “Your great-uncle’s a big nerd, and that’s coming from me, but he’s got a good heart. He really doesn’t deserve to be treated like a death criminal forever.”

The old man sighs, glaring into the portal. “You’re gonna make me do this stupid thing, too, aren’t you.”

“Grunkle Stan, don’t be such a meanie-pants!” the girl pipes up, sticking her head back out of the portal. “Come on!”

She vanishes again before anyone can say a word.

“I have so many questions,” the boy says, looking up at Barry with an expression that Barry can only describe as ‘hungry’.

“Ask your great-uncle, kid,” Barry says. “When you rescue him.”

The boy bites down on his lower lip, and then looks up with a determined nod. Readjusting the cap on his head, he stalks forward, and into the portal.

The old man gives Barry a sidelong look. “This isn’t some kind of literal death trap, is it?”

Barry shrugs one shoulder. “You’re just gonna have to trust me. Or not.”

The old man - Stan - stares distrustfully at the portal for a long moment, and then sighs, uncrossing his arms and slouching forward in a clear expression of defeat.

“Somebody’s gotta look out for those kids,” he sighs. “And my idiot brother, I guess.” He takes a deep breath, throwing his shoulders back and his chest out. “And it beats burning alive.” 

He stomps forward, through the portal, and Barry can hear a distant, gravelly yell of, “Kids!”

He chuckles, to himself, before digging in the pockets of his flowing black robe for his Stone of Farspeech.

“Hey, babe? Remember that Ford guy we kept running into? ...Yeah, that’s the one. Listen. I need a favour...”

...

Mabel makes it halfway down the beach before a figure entirely draped in ominous black robes rises up before her, blocking her path. The figure hovers in place, its arms outstretched to its sides, skeletal hands peeking from under the edges of its robes. One of them holds an ornate scythe with a pattern of flames along the edge.

“Whoa!” Mabel shouts, skidding to a stop in the pebbly sand. Dipper pours on what little speed he has, running to catch up with her. He’s not sure what he’ll do against the death police, but he’s not letting them take his sister without a fight.

The figure slowly, slowly raises its hands, slowly, slowly peels back its hood to reveal a bare and glinting skull. As Dipper watches, a crimson flame erupts from the dome of the skull, forming a sweeping mane of hair. Red glints in the depths of the empty sockets as the skeletal figure slowly, slowly raises its head, fixing Dipper in place with a hollow, dreadful stare. He can’t move. His legs have frozen under him. His heart rabbits in his chest.

The skull’s lower jaw drops open, and from the depths of its dark robe, a hissing, sinister voice echoes:

“Hey there! Heard you nerds were going on an Orphean underworld quest!”

Dipper and Mabel exchange a startled look. Stan, puffing to a halt behind them, groans. “Oh, what now?”

The skeleton in front of them grins...more somehow. “Name’s Lup, and if I’m gonna be your guide, I literally cannot stress enough how important it is that you not look back.”

[timmyrx2000]

Dipper Steps Up: Chapter 9

Chapter Index: (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Chapter 9

A police car had parked in the driveway of the Taylor house. Dipper rang the doorbell, and Mabel answered the ring. "They're in back talking to Chuck's parents right now," she said. "I've already told them what happened."

The Taylors sat side by side at the dining-room table, holding hands, while two plainclothes policemen sat opposite them. As Dipper and Mabel came into the room, he saw that one was tall and built like an athlete, with oddly hooded eyes that made him look almost Asian, the other shorter, more heavy-set, and completely bald. The taller one asked, "Is there any close friend that your son might go to hide out with?" His words sounded businesslike, but the tone was warm.

Mr. Taylor said, "He's got a lot of friends. He's on the high-school baseball team, and sometimes his friends come here and sometimes he goes to their houses. Now and then one of them might spend the night here, or Chuck might do the same at their house. But I don't think any of them would hide him, especially if he's hurt."

"Steve," the bald policeman said, nodding toward Dipper, "this must be the boy that Joe and Frank called in about."

The taller detective looked around. "Mason Pines?" he asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Tell us what happened."

Dipper went through it all: how Chuck seemed to be sick lately, how he had fainted once and blacked out once. He explained how he and Mabel had come over after the game to see how Chuck was, how Mabel had called out when the big crash came, and how he had tracked Chuck by the drops of blood.

"You didn't actually see him, and you don't know how badly he was hurt?" the bald policeman asked.

Dipper shook his head. "I'd bet he cut himself going through the window, though," he said. "I don't think it was too bad. He didn't have any trouble climbing the fence, and he must have been walking pretty fast, so I doubt he hurt his foot or leg."

"How high is the window?" the other detective asked.

"About twenty feet from the ground," Dipper said. "A pretty good drop, but Chuck's athletic."

"Are you sure it was his blood?" the bald one asked.

"Well, yeah," Dipper said. "It was fresh, and there's a splash of it under the window and small streaks on both sides of the fence. I don't think he was bleeding heavily, though. There'd be a drop about every five or six paces, and they were small. They got farther apart as they went along, as though the bleeding was slowing."

The tall detective, Steve, looked impressed. "You're a pretty observant kid."

Dipper didn't know what to say. He just shrugged.

He told the two detectives the names of the kids on the team, and the bald one made notes. Mr. and Mrs. Taylor identified the three that Chuck was closest to, and Steve said, "Meyer, call those names in and get addresses. We'll check them out to make sure Chuck didn't head to one of their houses." Then he thanked Dipper and Mabel and said, "We've got your home number and address. We'll be in touch if we need anything else."

Mabel said, "I hope you find him. Mrs. Taylor, call us if there's anything we can do."

Mrs. Taylor nodded, looking on the verge of tears.

On the walk back to their house, Dipper filled Mabel in on what Ford had told him. "Labyrinth," she murmured. "There's something—what is it? I can't remember!"

When they got home, they told their parents what had happened and asked if they could walk around the neighborhood and try to find someone who might have seen Chuck. Their dad agreed, and they set out on their bikes.

Half an hour later, after cruising the streets in a kind of widening circle focused on Chuck's house and finding no one who remembered seeing the boy, they rested near the Plaza of Piedmont Park, beneath the shade of a live oak, trying to think of their next move. Then Dipper's phone chimed—Grunkle Ford's ring. "Hello!" Dipper said.

"Dipper," Ford said, "I've got more information for you. Want to take this down?"

"Just a second." Dipper put his phone on speaker, then fished a pocket notebook from his vest. "Mabel's here, too," he said. He briefly explained that the police were looking for Chuck.

"All right," Ford said. "Here's what I found: He can't simply construct a labyrinth. It must be one that already exists, preferably an ancient one, like those the Native Americans used for meditation. Are there any of those nearby that your friend might have known about?"

"I don't know!" Dipper said.

"Yes!" Mabel said. "Oh, my gosh! Now I remember! Dipper, when we were about six or eight years old, Dad and Mom took us to the Round Peak Volcanic Park, remember? That's not far! And there was this weird sort of, I don't know, crop circle thingy, except it wasn't wheat, it was rocks piled up in patterns on the ground—"

"I do remember!" Dipper said. "You could see it from the trail, down in a kind of valley!"

"Would your friend have known about it?" Ford asked.

Mabel said, "Let me call and ask." She took out her phone and walked a little apart.

"All right," Ford said. "If that's where he's gone, listen carefully: The ritual must be performed as the sun is setting. He'd have to invoke the ancient powers with a series of chants—and I know that Nathaniel knew these, because some of them are written on the final pages of that old book in his awkward pencil printing, phonetic equivalents of Liksiyu words. Fiddleford helped me translate enough of them to tell they're what he would use."

"How do we stop him?" Dipper asked.

"You have to prevent him from completing the chant. If you can't do that, you must force him to take a backward step or to step outside the lines as he walks the labyrinth. If you manage it, Nathaniel's spirit will lose its hold on your friend. Or if you can keep him from leaving the labyrinth until after the sun has completely set, that would do it, too. But he'll be desperate—and remember, it will look like your friend, but unless you can cast Nathaniel's spirit out, it'll be him in control."

"No chants or anything we could use against him? No magic?"

"I'm sorry, Dipper, no. Everything hinges on stopping or interrupting the possession ritual, and it may be very dangerous. I wish I could be there!"

Mabel came running back. "His mom Chuck did a report on the rock maze for school one year!" she said. "Dipper, Mrs. Taylor will drive us over! Her husband's out driving around with the police, looking for Chuck!"

"His mother won't understand— " Ford started.

Mabel interrupted: "Yeah, she will! She knows about the ghost! She saw him once!"

"Oh," Ford said. "Well. Then—what you must do is get to this location before sunset—is that possible?"

"Yeah, if we hurry," Dipper said.

"Then go! Go as soon as you can and remember what I said! And be careful, Dipper! I hate to see this, but—don't trust your friend! He's not in control of himself. No matter what he says, don't trust him!"

"We got that covered, Grunkle Ford," Mabel said. "I've dealt with this before!"

"I—I beg your pardon?"

"Long story," Dipper said. "Tell you later."

"Both of you—be very careful!"

"We will. Gotta go!"

They raced toward the Taylor house, with Mabel on the phone, talking to Mrs. Taylor and barely missing parked cars and the occasional startled dog. They skidded into the yard and saw Mrs. Taylor already at the wheel of her gray Honda CRV, the engine running. She motioned to them, and they piled into the car, Mabel in the front, Dipper in the back seat. "Are you sure about this?" she asked.

"Yes!" Dipper said. "We have to hurry!"

"We need to get there before the sun goes down," Mabel added.

"Fasten your seatbelts," Mrs. Taylor said.

For all the urgency, though, the trip went slower than they wanted—Saturday-afternoon traffic thronged the streets, and what might have been a fifteen-minute drive under ideal conditions stretched into half an hour—though once Mrs. Taylor turned off Snake Road and onto Skyline Boulevard the going grew easier. She turned into the visitor's lot at a little past six-forty, with sunset still thirty or forty minutes away. Dipper noticed that the park hours were seven a.m. to ten p.m.—plenty of time, if they could just find Chuck first.

The Visitors' Center was not manned, but people came by laughing and talking, many of them with dogs on leashes. "The fastest way is up Water Tank Road," Chuck's mom said. "I don't know if anyone will stop us, but here goes!"

It was only a cracked, one-lane asphalt access road, and it went steeply uphill. "I kind of remember this park from when we were little," Dipper said. "I'd forgotten it was so close to Piedmont!"

"Yeah," Mabel said, turning around in the front seat. "It's an actual extinct volcano called Round Top."

"The labyrinths are visible from the trail called Round Top Loop," Mrs. Taylor said. Dipper held on—the small SUV bucketed over the rough pavement. "When he was in the fifth grade, Chuck was crazy about volcanoes. We came here several times, and he did a report for school about the volcano. It erupted, I think, ten million years ago." She hit a bump that made them reach for handholds "Sorry! Some of the labyrinths are recent, sort of works of art, but the big circle, they think was made hundreds of years ago by Miwok Indians."

They reached a barrier across the road and had to stop, but Round Top Loop passed right across the way—a foot trail, marked by a directional sign. As they got out and hurried along the path, Dipper told Mrs. Taylor what Ford had said. "We won't hurt him," he promised, "but remember, Chuck isn't in control right now. It's your ancestor, Nathaniel Northwest, who's trying to take him over for good."

"My brother got taken over when we were twelve," Mabel panted—they were all but jogging. "By an evil nacho chip! Who was a being of pure energy with no weaknesses, so I had to tickle him into submission!"

"What?"

"He was really an interdimensional demon, not a ghost," Dipper said. "But it was the same principle."

"It should be right ahead, off to the left," Mrs. Taylor said. She stopped. "We—we should be able to see it from here! It was right down there!"

Dipper looked past her. The ridge fell away to the left, leveling out—but it leveled into a valley like an enormous shallow salad bowl, the bottom tumbled with stones in no shape or order and spiked with weeds and seedlings. "I don't remember," he said.

"I'm almost sure this is the right place," Mabel said. "Could somebody have bulldozed all the rocks? Or moved them by magic?"

"Or—hid them with magic," Dipper said. "I'm going down."

"Wait!" Mrs. Taylor said, her voice changing to a husky, exhausted kind of hoarse croak. "I might be wrong. It could be farther along the trail. I'm winded."

"The sign back there said 'Circle Labyrinth ½ mile,'" Dipper told her. "This should be it." He looked over his shoulder. "And the sun will be down in a few minutes!"

He ran down the steep slope, having to take uncomfortably long steps. He heard Mabel yell, "Wait up, Dip!" and Mrs. Taylor shouted, her voice rasping even more, "Please, no!"

But—he waded into the earth itself! Or seemed to—the floor of the valley shimmered around his knees, his waist, his chest—it was an illusion. The second his head sank beneath the mirage, he saw the circular labyrinth, maybe seventy feet in diameter, a narrow winding intricate rock-lined path following the outer edge, doubling back, doubling again, crooked and confusing, leading to a center where a nearly spherical black boulder brooded.

And he saw Chuck.

The boy sat on the earth at the opening into the labyrinth, looking limp as a rag doll that had been propped there. He did not move, but Dipper could hear the drone of his voice, buzzing and harsh as a locust's stridulation: "Immani k'challa t'sun damvani kulo nunika t'skalla unul ai! Ai!"

"Chuck!" Dipper shouted and ran toward his friend.

"Stop!" The word hit him like the lash of a whip. He spun.

Mrs. Taylor stood glaring at him, dust sticking to the sweat on her face. Mabel stood in front of her, her face twisted in a grimace of pain. It looked as if Chuck's mom had wrenched her arm into a painful hold. "I had to be here," she said harshly. "I was going to send you two ahead, but no. Boy, did your research tell you that Nathaniel Northwest wasn't just a rich man, but a master of magic?"

"Wh-what?" Dipper asked.

"That time when this one was young and saw his ghost in the old house . . . she didn't back away. She went . . . inside."

Mrs. Taylor shoved Mabel, who stumbled forward, arms flailing for balance. Dipper caught her and saw Mrs. Taylor weaving her hands and arms in a strange pattern. He heard her words: "Blood be ice, breath be gone, flesh be clay, bone be stone!"

And, holding Mabel, he felt himself freeze into place, like the time he had been turned to wood—he couldn't move, couldn't speak. He felt Mabel go rigid, too.

But this time he could both see and hear. "I'm stronger than you imagine, boy," Mrs. Taylor said, her voice reverberating strangely, as if alternating between male and female. "Even unhoused from flesh, an exiled spirit, I have dominion sufficient to capture both the mother and the son, though I can move my puppets but one at a time. I'll leave this one for now."

Mrs. Taylor went limp, her knees buckling, and she fell forward on her face, thudding to the stony, sandy earth, and lay still. Instantly Chuck stood, his left arm dangling, dried blood streaking his forearm. Dipper saw he wore socks, no shoes, and that they had become so tattered he stood almost barefoot.

Chuck, or Chuck's body laughed. "There remains the journey in, the journey out," he said, his voice rattling with that weird duality, ancient buzzing insect and fifteen-year-old boy. He glanced at the setting sun. "My time is almost at hand. I will go in as leech but emerge as the only soul within this body. I limp in crippled, but stride out with the power of instantly healing this broken arm. I step in diminished, but I will step forth with my full magic restored to me." He raised his right hand as though clutching something from the air. "I will hold the mastery of life and death in my grasp. And when I return to live again—the three of you will have to die."

Laughing, he turned his back on them and stepped into the labyrinth.

To be continued

Note from the Authors: This was just an idea I had but the one who really worked his magic and wrote almost all of this is none other than BillEase. He’s an amazing author who usually hangs out at fanfiction.net. Don’t pass up on a chance to check out his stuff. This guy is AMAZING. He wrote the story, I just gave the plot.

[thepeanutbutterwizard]

Precipice Chapter 4:  If you sang along

Chapter 4, here we go! 

Ouch.  Just, just ouch guys.

Chapter 3      Chapter 5

Enjoy the pain!

Ford was flipping through channels on the rooms t.v., and had just found a news station he was looking for when the hospital rooms door open behind him.  He turned and saw his niblings and Stan’s employee’s filing into the room.  A brief flash of embarrassment filled Ford as he remembered what he was wearing.

“Hi Grunkle Ford!”  Mabel squealed happily.  Ford stood to greet her, and he stumbled backward as she launched herself at him, wrapping her good arm tightly around his waist.  A backpack was slung over her good shoulder, and Stan’s fez was still perched on her head.  “Did you miss me?”

Ford chuckled as he hugged her back “Mabel, I saw you less than nine hours ago!”  The embarrassment faded under Mabel’s enthusiastic onslaught.

“Then we both agree that that is way too long to not see your favorite niece!”  Mabel gave Ford a brace-filled grin, one that felt more genuine than the one she had worn that morning.

“Well, I guess that is true.”  Ford said as the pair sepperated.  Dipper was standing not too far from his sister.  He was still wearing the suit he had had on earlier in the day, but the gel had been partially combed out of his hair, making his bangs stick out in funny clumps.  Surprisingly, Wendy’s hat was on his head, pushing his clumpy bangs down over his forehead.  “How are you doing Dipper?”  Ford asked, remembering his nephews reticence earlier that day.

To Fords surprise however, Dipper wraps his arms tightly around Ford’s waist.  “I’m fine, Great-Uncle Ford.”  Dipper murmured.  After a moment, Ford returns the hug, a small smile on his face. 

Dipper stepped back, heading over to the side of Stan’s bed where Mabel was standing and talking quietly to Stan.  Soos was standing on Stanley’s other side.  Ford started a little as Wendy quietly appeared next to him.  She held a foil-wrapped burger out to Ford that Ford was positive she hadn’t been holding when she walked into the room.  “Here.  Mrs. Ramirez told me to bring you something.”

“Er, thank you.”  Ford took the burger and set it in the empty chair, before turning his attention back to Mabel as she started to rummage through her backpack with a little help from Dipper.

“I knit you something Grunkle Stan.  In fact, I knit you two somethings!”  Mabels voice was brimming with pride as she spoke.

The first thing she pulled out was a large, dark blue object.  With some help from both Dipper and Soos, Mabel unrolled and drapped the knitware over Stan.  It was a blanket, in varying shades of blue, with a simple light grey sailboat design knit in the center.  Ford felt his heart catch in his throat.

“I know you hate the cold, and it’s pretty chilly in here, so I made you a blanket!  I was thinking of making a sweater, but I thought you would like this better right now.  And, here’s the second something!”  Mabel reached into her bag with her good hand and easily pulled a small, cream colored sash decorated with red and blue letters, spelling out the words ‘Our Hero’.  Mabel folded it in half and set it on Stan’s pillow just above his head.  “You’ve saved me and Dipper so many times this summer, I thought it would be nice to make something official!”  Her grin faded when Stan remained still and silent.  Dipper put his good hand on Mabels uninjured shoulder.

“He’s gonna love them when he wakes up Mabel.”  Dipper said reassuringly.

Mabel smiled at her brother, but it was smaller and sadder.  “Of course he will Dipper.  I just wish I could see how much he likes them now.”  Suddenly, her face lit up again “I almost forgot!”  Mabel reached into  her bag again, and pulled out a wrapped parcel.  She held it out to Ford, “I made something for you too Grunkle Ford!”

Ford tore open the wrapping, and gaped at what it he saw.  A dark blue, almost black, turtleneck sweater, made of softer yarn than the ones Ford normaly wore, the front decorated with a few colorful planets and small five pointed stars, looked up at him invitingly.  “You made this for me?”  Ford was shocked at the kindness shown by his niece.

“Of course!  I started working on it the day after you got here!”  Mabel said.  She frowned a little.  “Do you like it?”  Mabel sounded uncertain and a little afraid.

Ford knelt down in front of her, holding his new sweater close to him.  “Mabel, this is the nicest gift anyone has given me in a long while.  I love it.”  He gave her a large smile.  “Thank you.”

Mabel gave an excited squeal, then wrapped her arm around Fords neck in a brief hug, before shoving him lightly towards the bathroom.  “Go try it on, go try it on, go try it on!”

Ford chuckled as he retreated into the bathroom.  He tore the mothball infused button-down off of himself with relish, and pulled the new sweater on over his head.  The sweater was a little looser than his normal ones, but was still a good fit.

When Ford exited the bathroom, a smile on his face, the first thing he noticed was that the TV had its volume turned up.  Everyone was silently watching the newscast.  Ford came and stood next to Wendy.  He looked up to watch video footage of a large man with balding brown hair in an orange jumpsuit being lead out of Gravity Falls Town Hall, which, if Ford remembered correctly, also served as the small tons courthouse.  As the man was lead into the back of a police, a female reporters voice spoke over the video feed.

“And here we see local used car salesman Bud Gleeful being lead out of his trial, where he was found guilty of the attempted murder of local hero Stanford Pines and his great-niece and great-nephew, Mabel and Dipper Pines.  Bud Gleeful will be joining his son, Lil’ Gideon, in prison.  Stanford Pines is currently hospitalized due to the injuries he sustained during the election, and we have been unable to obtain an update on his status.  I’m Shandra Jimenez, thank you for watching.”

“Good riddance.”  Wendy muttered next to Ford, but Ford could barely hear her.  Blood pounded in his ears, and his hands curled into tight fists.  He stalked forward unconsciously, still staring at the TV screen even as Soos reached up to turn it off.

Soos turned and started when he caught sight of the murderous look on Ford’s face.  “Uh, Mr. Dr. Pines?  Are you okay dood?”  His gopher-like face twisted into a concerned frown.

“That’s the man who did this.”  Ford’s voice was low and quiet, rumbling in his throat.  Something Ford had never felt before stirred in his gut, a terrible, monstrous feeling, spreading through his veins and making his whole body feel hot.  Pure hatred clouded Fords mind, making his vision go red.  The words ‘attempted murder’ swirled through Ford’s head, burning like acid.  That man tried to kill my brother.

A small weight rested on Fords clenched fist, and Ford flinched, whirling to face his assailant- and saw Mabel staring up at him.  She slowly reached for Fords hand again.  “Grunkle Ford?”

Ford took a shuddering breath before kneeling in front of Mabel again.  “Y-yes, Mabel?”  She held his large six-fingered hand in her own smaller one.

“Grunkle Ford, you can’t blame Bud.  It was his son Gideon’s fault.”  Mabel step closer to Ford, gently knocking him into a sitting position.  She climbed into his lap and snuggled close into Ford.  “Gideon was the one who did this.”

“Yeah Great-Uncle Ford.” Dipper said, sitting down next to Ford.  “Gideon was using some kind of, I don’t know, spell to control him from prison.  Like-like the tie I used on G-grunkle Stan.”  Dipper sniffed, leaning closer to Ford.  “We did the exact same thing.”

Ford put an arm over Dippers shoulders and pulled him closer to him.  Dipper snuggled into Fords side.  “Dipper...” Ford sighed  “You are nothing like the person who hurt Stanley.”

“But, we both-with the mind control-and maybe if I had just talked to Stan-maybe he wouldn’t-he wouldn’t-”  Dipper started to hyperventilate, pulling Wendy’s oversized hat down over his eyes. 

Ford couldn’t think of anything to say.  He had never really been the one to comfort the panicking person.  Ford was usually the panicking person.  Stan had been there to calm him down until he was gone.  Stan was the one who would be able to talk Dipper down from this.

“Dipper-” Mabel squirmed a little in Fords lap, reaching for her brother.  “It’s not your fault.”

“And I know for a fact that Stanley would never fault you for this.”  Ford pulled Dipper into his lap with Mabel.  Ford’s heart clenched as Dipper started to softly cry into his chest.  “You aren’t to blame for this.”  A small thought tickled at Fords mind.  He remembered the torn pages he had found in his second Journal.  At the time, he had been angrily trying to remember what had been on those pages, and had been resolving to chew Stanley out next time he saw him.  But, as he thought, he recalled having an incantation written down.  A possession incantation.  It could easily be considered a mind control spell.  Ford felt a lump of dread in his throat as he spoke again.  “Stanley didn’t happen to tell you kids where he found my second Journal, did he?”  Ford tried to keep his tone even.

Dipper and Mabel both gave him confused looks, and silently shook their heads.  Both of them had tears in their eyes now, and Ford felt a stab of guilt, and he wrapped his arms tightly around them, tucking both children against his chest.  He shouldn’t be interrogating the children right now!  But, he had to know, he had to ask them about the person, Gideon, who tried to kill his family.  The woman on the news said that the man Ford had seen was Gideon’s father, but he didn’t look old enough to have a child who could have been incarcerated in a legitimate prison.  But still, if they were a local family, Gideon could have found the second Journal while attending the elementary.  Ford needed to know all he could.  But, he thought as he heard one of Stanleys employee’s moving around behind him maybe I would be better off asking another local.

Ford gently rocked his niece and nephew, feeling two wet spots grow on his sweater.  After maybe fifteen minutes, Dipper and Mabel’s crying slowed, and they pulled away from him.  “Sorry, Great-Uncle Ford.  We got your sweater all wet.”  Dipper murmured, eyes down.

With a quiet moan, Ford hauled himself to his feet before helping his niblings up off of the floor.  “Don’t worry about it my boy.  It’s far from ruined.”  Ford glanced at the clock.  “It’s getting late.  You all should be heading out.”

His statement was met by protests, but Ford succeded in shooing the children out the door.  “Ms. Corduroy, could you wait a moment please?”  Ford said quietly, hoping not to attract the attention of the twins in the halls.  Soos stalled in the doorway, looking between Wendy and Ford in confusion.

Wendy waved him off “Go ahead Soos.  I’ll catch up.”  

“Okay dood.”  Soos gave an uncertain nod before shutting the door behind him. 

Wendy walked over to the chair Ford had been living in, plucked the wrapped burger out of it, and plopped down in it, turning sideways and slinging her legs sideways over the arm.  She lobbed the foil parcel at Ford, and Ford fumbled to catch it.  “So Stan Two, why are you keeping me after class?”

Ford gaped slightly.  This teenager never failed to shock Ford with her flippant behavior.  “Y-yes Ms. Corduroy. I need to ask you a few questions about this Gideon person.”  

“Fire away Stan Two.  What do you want to know about the little creep?”  Wendy picked at her fingernails, not looking up at Ford.  Ford found the inattentiveness extraordinarily annoying.

“How old is he, first off.  And what motivated him to attack my family like this?  Has he done anything like this in the past?  And his father, how is he-”  Ford started listing his inquiries, only to be interrupted by Wendy.

“Yeah, hold up, Stan Two.”  Wendy held up a hand.  “Too many questions at once.  I was only joking about the whole ‘kept after class’ thing.”  She leaned on one elbow.  “Gideon is a ten-year-old twerp.  He used to do this dumb Tent of Telepathy thing, sort of like the Mystery Shack, until Stan and the kids got him thrown in jail for stealing the deed to the Shack and putting freaky surveillance cameras up, so he could keep up his dumb ‘phony psychic’ bit”  Wendy went back to examining her nails “And I caught him stealing my moisturizer.”

Ford blinked in shock “The person who tried to kill my brother is a ten-year-old?”  Ford felt the hatred from earlier bubbling back up.  But, surely there wasn’t a chance that this child was smart enough to find where Ford had hidden his second Journal.  Perhaps his father could have helped him find it?  “Has he or anyone in his family ever shown any signs of knowledge of the paranormal?”

Wendy gave Ford an appraising look.  “I’m not quite sure you want the answer to that.”

“And why would that be, Ms. Corduroy?” Ford felt a seed of dread settling in his stomach.

“Okay, stop with the ‘Ms. Corduroy’ junk, would you?  It’s weird.”  Wendy shifted in her seat, and it occurred to Ford that the position she was sitting in looked fairly uncomfortable.  It gave off an air of cool disinterest, but the one of the arms had to be digging into her spine.  “Bud Gleeful used to be part of this freaky memory erasing cult, but we took care of that.  Dipper and Mabel have told me about this blue amulet Gideon used to have, but that’s gone now.  And they told me something about a triangle guy Gideon summoned to steal a safe code from Stan’s mind.”  She gave a shrug.  “Gideon’s been terrorizing the Shack since like, the second week Dipper and Mabel got here.”

Wendy’s words made Ford’s blood run cold, but her mention of a triangle in Stanley’s mind made Ford’s blood freeze in his veins.  Everything Wendy had said, the amulet and summoning Bill Cipher, combined with the missing Journal pages and the possession spell, pointed to only one conclusion: this Gideon Gleeful boy had used Ford’s research, his own prized Journal, to repeatedly attack and harass Fords family.  Ford’s own research had been used to try and kill Stanley!  Ford’s stomach roiled.

“Hey, Stan Two, are you alright?”  Genuine concern colored Wendy’s voice.  She swung herself out of the chair, and took a step closer to Ford, on hand slightly outstretched. “You look a little...nauseous.”

“I...I ah-” Ford started to stammer.  He felt like he was going to be sick.  Ford was never one to have a weak stomach, and thirty years traveling the multiverse had given him what was almost literally an iron stomach.  And yet, he could feel bile stinging the back of his throat as the tamales Mrs. Ramirez had fed him earlier tried to claw their way out of him.  Ford struggled to find something to say, but a single sound coming from his right made Fords heart stop.

A single, strangled groan.  Coming from Stanley.  

Ford and Wendy, both frozen in place, watched as Stanley, eyes half opened but glazed over, groaned again, this time louder.  One trembling hand, the one not wrapped in a cast, lifted from the sheets, moving slowly but deliberately.  Stanley’s gnarled hand wrapped around the breathing tube, and with a strangled yell, he ripped it out of his mouth.  And he started screaming.

In an instant, four, five, six doctors and nurses appeared, crowding around Stanley.  His arm flailed around, ripping out IV lines, and even though Stanley wasn’t lucid, and had two limbs in a cast, the hospital staff were having trouble holding him down.  Ford’s head was filled with the sound of hoarse, raspy screaming, mixed with the sound of the doctors and nurses talking to and over each other.  He caught a few snippets of what they were saying.

“-get the restraints-”

“-sedative ready-”

“-strong for an old guy-”

One of the doctors was caught by Stanley’s waving fist, and thrown to the ground, knocking Ford back.  Ford hit the wall, and through the gap made by the fallen doctor he could see Stanley, face contorted in fear, as the doctors wrestled him down.  One of them had a needle filled with a clear drug, and two of them were trying to get Stanley’s arm tied down into a padded restraint.

Ford saw red.  Instincts honed over thirty years took hold.  His brother was in danger surrounded by threats.  Ford had to do something!  One hand reached for his gun, only to close on thin air.  A small bit of alarm trilled through Ford, but it was smothered by his need to protect his brother.  The odds were six-to-one against him, but Ford knew he could beat the people attacking Stanley.  He wouldn’t fail this time.  Ford surged forward, lunging for the nearest assailant- only for two arms to grab him around his middle.  His arms were pinned to his sides, and Ford felt nothing but panic.  He had to get to Stanley!  His brother needed him!  He couldn’t fail him again!  

“-alm down, Dr. Pines.  Please!  They’re trying to help.”  Ford heard a voice he recognized.  Wendy.  Wendy was holding him back from-from the doctors.  The doctors that were trying to help Stanley, keep him from hurting himself.  Ford forced himself to relax, and Wendy let go after a few moments, once she was sure Ford wouldn’t go after the doctors, or anyone else.  

The two of them watched in horrified silence as one of the doctors injected Stanley with the sedative.  Ford felt the bile rise in his throat again as the drug took effect, and Stanley’s struggles subsided.  He lay still again, and the doctors swarmed around Stanley, reconnecting IV’s, reinserting the breathing tube, and, to Ford’s dismay, locking Stan into restraints.

“Are those really necessary?”  Wendy asked one of the doctors as they left the room.

“I’m afraid so miss.”  The doctor said, her voice tinged with practiced sympathy, but her eyes had a genuine warmth in them.  “There’s a good chance he could wake up violent again.  We can’t run the risk of him hurting himself, or anyone else.”  She gave Wendy and Ford a small smile, before she and the other medical staff disappeared as quickly as they arrived.

Ford felt the adrenaline leave his body in one big rush, and his knees buckled.  Wendy gave a startled gasp before grabbing Fords arm, and hauling him over to the chair by Stan’s bedside.  He promptly collapsed into it, the chair groaning under him.

“Dr. Pines, are you alright?”  Wendy sounded concerned.  It was the most emotion Ford had heard from her all day.  

“I’m fine.”  Ford managed to croak out.  He stared past Wendy, looking at Stanley but not quiet focusing on him  “You should go.  The kids and Soos are waiting for you.”

Wendy frowned “Are you sure Dr. Pines?  You really don’t look good.  Do you need me to get you anything?” 

“I said I’m fine!”  Ford growled out through gritted teeth.  Wendy pulled back, and the tiniest bit of guilt poked the numbness inside of Ford.  “I would like to be left alone with my brother right now, please.”

Wendy slowly moved toward the door.  “Okay.  If you’re sure.”  She paused briefly in the doorway, like she wanted to say more, but instead she shut the door and left.

Ford took a deep, shuddering breath, before moving the chair he was in closer to Stanley.  His brothers face was peaceful now, but there were the signs of tears drying of his face.  Stanley had been crying as he struggled against the doctors.  Stanley had been crying and in pain and Ford had done nothing.  Ford had been useless.  Again!  

Ford reached out a tentative, trembling hand.  It hovered over Stanley’s bound hand, before Ford snapped his hand away like he had been bitten.  Burning shame coursed through Ford.  This was his fault.  This was all his fault!  Ford’s research, his life’s work, had been used against his family.  His grudge against his brother had led him to hide in his lab, instead of going to the election and supporting Stanley like a good brother would have done.  If Ford had been there, he could have stopped this from happening, he could have saved him!

But Ford hadn’t been there.  He had given a twelve-year-old a mind control tie, and considered himself a hero, finding the best way to help his stubborn brother.  He had considered watching the election on TV, but he hadn’t even done that!  Ford was a failure, a man who had let his brother down.  A memory swam to the front of Ford’s mind, of Stanley with his arms opened wide and tears in his eyes in the room with the Portal.  The simple love and joy that had been destroyed by Ford’s fist cracking across Stanley’s face.  Even now, Ford could see the faintest shadow of the bruise he had left on Stanley’s cheek, almost gone bit not quite.

Ford felt a wetness on his face and an ache in his chest.  If he could go back, and accept that hug from his brother, he would.  But he couldn’t.  Ford knew he could never get that moment back.  And he knew it was his fault.

Ford rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.  For the first time in over thirty years, Stanford Filbrick Pines wept, deeply and earnestly.  He wept for the brother he hadn’t allowed himself to miss.  He wept for over forty years spent wasted.  Ford wept until he felt every last drop of water had left his body, and then he wept some more.

It felt like hours, but eventually Fords tears dried up.  The only sounds in the room were the sounds made by the machines surrounding his twin.  Until, something reached Ford’s ears, something that sent a chill down his spine and bolts of lightning shooting down his limbs.

Laughter.  Familiar, high pitched laughter that had haunted Fords nightmares for years.  Except, for the first time, this laughter, this horrible laughter, was strangled.  Like the throat it was coming from had something inside of it.  Like a breathing tube.

Ford bolted upright, knocking the chair over.  Pure horror flooded every inch of Ford’s body as his eyes landed on Stanley’s face, rooting Ford to the ground he stood on.

Stanley was awake again.  An uncomfortably wide grin split his face.  His teeth clamped down on the breathing tube.  He pulled against the restraints, muscles straining.  The arm in the cast contorted against the plaster, reaching for the breathing tube.  For the second time that night, the breathing tube was wrenched from Stanley’s throat.  The shrill laughter increased, filling Ford’s ears.  But worse than the laughter, worse than anything Ford had ever seen, was the lurid yellow color and the cat-like pupils staring back at him from his brother, his own twin’s face.

The thing wearing Stanley’s body propped himself up on the cast coated elbow, leering at Ford as he pulled against the restraints even harder, no doubt putting harmful strain on Stanley’s injured body.

“HEYA SIXER!  LONG TIME, NO SEE, BUDDY!”

One word was able to slip out of Ford’s petrified body, a word charged with thirty years worth of desperate pain and anger.

“Bill.”

[guccifloralsuits]

Gryles obviously

fuck yes, I love them sm, that gryles special snatched every single one of my wigs I am so bald. 2017 is truly the year of gryles

who is more likely to hurt the other? Harry’s more likely to hurt Nick - he’ll go out to the club with Nick, and sometimes he’s only got eyes for him, and those nights are the best, but sometimes he’ll be flirting by the back of the bar with a leggy model instead and that hurts Nick a lot but he just grits his teeth and down another drink. who is emotionally stronger? Ah…I don’t know. Nick, maybe? Because he’s just got this easy way about him, like he’s at peace with his life, and he’s got his shit figured out. Even if he doesn’t like what he’s feeling, he acknowledges and accepts it. Harry tries not to feel the things he doesn’t want towho is physically stronger? Harry, although it’s close who is more likely to break a bone? Honestly I see them drunkenly trying to pull some stupid shit together which ends up with matching broken arms. Everyone notices when it happens but Nick & Harry are suspiciously tight lipped about what went down. (they made a pact to each other about never mentioning it, ever, and neither is gunna be the one to break it) who knows best what to say to upset the other? I…don’t really see them consciously learning the ways to make the other mad. They have a really healthy relationship - otherwise they wouldn’t have stayed such good friends for so long - and I think when they upset each other, it’s only ever accidental. Well, Nick knows Harry hates when he publicly brings up past relationships, but that’s within the realm of their work and not their personal relationship, which they keep (rightfully) very separate. who is most likely to apologise first after an argument? Harry. He’ll have done something that pissed Nick off, but he’s not sure what, so he shows up at Nick’s with N’s favorite takeout and a movie and an apology in his eyes and Nick can’t stay mad. who treats who’s wounds more often? Harry was always there for Nick’s relationship dramas, and always the person to help him get over his latest breakups, and gain back that post-relationship confidence. who is in constant need of comfort? Nick constantly comforts Harry, especially when it came to band drama, because he was an outside perspective who harry knew would a l w a y s be on his side, through thick and thin, through all the ups and downs. who’s most likely to walk out on the other? Nick. Because sometimes harry makes him feel all types of ways, and Nick just…needs some time away. Harry’s such an all encompassing presence and Nick is already in too deep and occasionally it’s all too much. He needs some time to regain his head. He always comes back, in the end. who will propose? Harry, because Nick is afraid of saddling down harry (which harry assures him is completely insane. Harry wants Nick, and no one else). It’ll be during a star-gazing date, and they’ll have driven to an empty meadow, sitting on the hood of their car and making up stories for the constillations (because the old ones are boring). Nick is telling Harry about how the Big Dipper was really frizz-beed into the sky by the drunken kitchen help after-hours, as a giant fuck you to their ass-hole boss, and harry can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it. He looks over at Nick who’s smiling wide, content, with his crinkled eyes and laugh lines and it dawns on him suddenly: he wants to marry this man. He doesn’t even have a ring, so he slips one off his finger, and gets down on one knee. They’ll go out and get a real one, eventually, but for now, this will have to do. Nick thinks he’s having a piss, at first. It takes a while to convince him he’s not. He says yes, of course, and some passionate car sex ensues. Wow I need to go write a fic about this….who has the most difficult parents? neither, their parents knew their relationship was a long time coming and are surprised they didn’t get together sooner. who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? They both do, all the time, because their hands fit so well so why not fit them together? It’s super cliche to say their hands fit like puzzle pieces but their hands fit together like puzzle pieceswho comes up for the other all the time? Nick goes to every Harry show he has the chance to see and Harry comes into Radio One every free day he has in London. They text every day, sometimes just a joke and reaction gif or two, sometimes long winded conversations. who hogs the blankets? Harry is such a blanket hog, but they go out and buy like 12 extra blankets so its not too much of a problem. Harry also likes to use Nick as his personal blanket and Nick is more than okay with that.who gets more sad? Harry, sometimes randomly. He’ll just, go from having a good time to a mood drop in seconds, but Nick is great at picking up when Harry’s no longer having fun and knows how to comfort him. It only happens when in large crowds, when everyone is rambunctious and loud and talking over each other and he feels..out of place? Anyways, Nick gets it. who is better at cheering the other up? They are both great at it. They’re both the type to show up unannounced at the other’s house with wine and chocolate or a plan to head on an adventure, because they can tell the other is down. who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes? Harry to Nick - did you see the way he kind of did in in the gryles special when nick cracks a joke at that axe throwing place I LIVE who is more streetwise? Nick because Harry can’t really go out without getting recognized, so. He stays inside most the time, or in private who is more wise? They are both wise as hell and I think Nick doesn’t show it as much bc (esp on the radio) it’s not really his job, but. I bet gryles get like, deep as hell sometimes - and not the in a Fake Deep way, either. who’s the shyest? Harry, Nick’s job is literally to be extroverted. I love how easily Nick accepts harry’s shyness though. Ugh. I’m so deep in my gryles feelings after writing this someone help me. who boasts about the other more? Nick about Harry because he knows harry (secretly) loves it. Harry, on the other hand, rarely likes speaking about those that he holds close. It’s like he wants to keep them all for himself. who sits on who’s lap? Harry on Nicks lap, facing him with his legs straddled over nicks hips, having to tilt slightly upwards to meet nick’s eyes. 

Fuck, I need to go read some fan fiction, immediately. I am now balls deep in gryles feelings holy shit I am not okay. I am actually crying. thanks 4 this ily 

Send me ships and I’ll answer these questions about them wooo