#the number of times my mom has gotten on a nurses ass about shitty ass behavoir is also ridiculous

[halfricanloveyou]

bestie…please learn how to read. where tf does it say “all nurses?” also some people specifically list the medications they need and have used before because some people have generalized knowledge of common and basic medications.

you are NOT the fucking doctor. you shouldn’t be assuming SHIT about people “making things up” because that’s not your fucking job.

you should also never lead a patient by suggesting made up symptoms to them. that’s also considered piss poor medicine. you just go in and ask what symptoms they’re experiencing. are you new nurses really just that bad at your jobs now a days? maybe YOU should shut the fuck up for once.

reading a reddit screenshot sent in the groupchat, of nurses sharing their 'tells' for when a patient is faking their symptoms ... including incredibly convincing evidence such as "they are able to specifically name the medications they need and have likely used before", and "they answer affirmatively to a made up symptom, without the nurse disclosing whether or not it is relevant to the illness they are talking about". like you think hobbyist psychoanalysis is part of your job eh. throwing out freudian worst-faith interpretations willynilly and proudly wearing your killcount on your sleeve fucking dog cunt. you people should be servants grovelling at the feet of the disabled

[shinsorokiri]

UA Idol | Chapter Nineteen

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 5k+

Warnings: Language, cancer, talking about a past emotionally abusive relationship, mentions of sex, rlly awful older guy doing rlly awful things to a minor, sad Hitoshi Shinsou, mentions of alcohol

A/N: This one is literally the longest chapter I think I’ve written in my life ever. I know it’s still kinda short compared to what other people put out, but I’m really proud of it! Also, it is a little angsty, but I figured adding some background info was a must. I hope y’all enjoy it! Also, yes, I will also be uploading tomorrow as well, so woohoo. This is my Christmas gift to y’all hehe :)

───────────────────────────────────

Much to your disappointment, you eventually had to leave Hitoshi and Denki’s room. It just got “too late.” Of course, you would have loved to stay and just chill with Hitoshi, but Denki and Mina cannot know, and you guess you’ve been around him a bit too long for a friendly situationship. Maybe. You don’t really know what the boundaries for this situationshhip are when it comes to hanging out with each other. Whatever, though, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you need to get all of your preparations for your song all together immediately so you can make it easier for the band and sound and lighting designers. 

So here you are, six in the morning, not sleeping, no, of course not. You’re too busy making a basic beat that you can show the band, sketching out some ideas for a light show, and counting each and every vocal cue that might need to be prerecorded and played. Of course, Mina is unconscious in the bed next to you, but that’s because she’s singing Positions by Ariana Grande, so a backing track will do perfectly, and the minimal dancing she’ll be doing will all be done by her. Besides, the two of you talked about it for a long time about her song and she’ll be one hundred percent fine. You, on the other hand, were just an anxious mess about the entire situation about to go down. Much to your expectations, you got a text notification from none other than Mr. Hitoshi Shinsou. Man doesn’t sleep, and the fact that he got so much sleep earlier today really fucked with him. 

‘what are you doing right now’

‘trying to write down my lighting cues, why?’

‘come to the hotel roof, it’s a lot calmer and peaceful up here’

You can’t help but smile. Leave it to Hitoshi to be up ridiculously early. Then again, it’s not like the two of you really had anything to do tomorrow. Not anything big, anyway. It mainly consists of just telling the band and everyone everything, so going up to the roof wouldn’t be a bad idea. You grab your laptop and a notebook and head on up. Sure enough, Hitoshi is sitting near the edge, mindlessly strumming his guitar, and just gazing off to the ocean. “You should really get some sleep, you know. I mean it’s nearly 6:30 in the morning.” You tease as you sit down next to him. He smirks, shaking his head. “Sorry, I refuse to listen to someone who is also up at this hour by choice. So, politely fuck out of her with that shit.”

You gently push his shoulder with a chuckle before he starts strumming away again. “So, what’s up? Why are you awake at this hour?” he glances over at you and you sigh. “I’m just stressed about everything. I already have gotten super behind on schoolwork because of this and like yeah, technically I could just drop out this semester and go back for next but it’s just… super complicated and if I don’t get through to live shows… what am I gonna do?”

“You’re going to get through, kitten. I know you will. You’re amazing, stop doubting yourself.” 

“You’re just saying that, Toshi.”

“No, I’m not. I’m being 100% serious.” He stops playing his guitar as he looks at you, a dead serious expression on his face. You sigh, shaking your head. “Thanks. I just always assume the worst, I guess.”

“I know you do. But based off of past experiences, it makes sense,” he says, looking away from you and back out at the ocean. You two would probably see the sunrise together. Romantic. You pause for a moment, before speaking again. “I never actually tell you about what happened with me and my ex, did I?”

Hitoshi pauses now. You never did tell him everything, just enough. And he kind of pieced together some things because of the songs you wrote about him, but he would kind of love to know more. Not like love, but he would like to know who the motherfucker who broke your heart was. “No. Just that he was older than you and the absolute worst.”

“Ah, yeah, well, that’s the basics.”

Hitoshi looks at you. “Would you want to tell me?”

You hesitate before nodding your head. “Yeah. Yeah, I would.”

“Then, I’m all ears.”

You nod, looking out at the stars before beginning, “So… when I was seventeen, I met… him. He was much older than me, like our relationship was not legal, which looking back on it now, I’m like, ‘wow (Y/n), you are such a dumbass for that,’ but I was young. I didn’t know that it was bad, so… yeah. But I certainly found out. At first it was great, I had an older boyfriend, I was edgy, everything was amazing. And then… well… I know now that it was gaslighting. Following that was manipulation, there was… a lot of emotional manipulation. For example, you call me kitten, or (Y/n) or my nickname. He would call me dumbass, stupid, loser, bitch, slut, all the bad things. And it wasn’t in an endearing way. It wasn’t like I’d do something stupid and he would laugh and be all, oh you’re such a dumbass. No. It was for everything. He would also treat me like a child. I was young, yeah, but he acted like he was all knowing, and I didn’t have any experiences with anything at all. Which, granted, I had very little experience, but… still. It was demeaning. It made me feel small and worthless, and he’s the worst for it.”

You pause for a moment, glancing over at Hitoshi. You see his eyes fixed on you; jaw clenched. You can tell he’s kind of… pissed at this guy. Which makes sense, I mean the two of you are now romantically involved, so why wouldn’t he hate your ex. It only makes sense. Especially since he was a dumpster fire of a human being. You look down at your lap, continuing on. 

“I fell in love with him, though. That’s why I let it go on for so long because I was like, well, we love each other, so everything will be fine. And that’s partially why I lost my virginity to him. I mean, that was… a whole other ordeal. Once again, I was seventeen, he was very much older, it was just… it was very illegal and bad and well… yeah. And when I was like, ‘oh, but you’re older than me isn’t that bad?’ he was all, ‘age is just a number, baby. We can do whatever you want,’ and my naïve ass fell for it. And from that moment on I thought there had to be something special about me. And well… after almost two years of us being together, I found out he was cheating on me. And it kind of destroyed me in a way. And… yeah. He’s the worst.”

Hitoshi is silent for a moment. Only because he doesn’t trust what might come out of his mouth. This man lied to you, manipulated you, hurt you, cheated on you???? What the actual fuck is wrong with him. Not to mention the whole grooming thing he did to you. What the fuck was that. “Well, I’m just going to let you know this now.”

Hitoshi starts talking but pauses to turn and face you completely. “If I ever meet this guy, I’m beating the shit out of him. Badly. And then I’m going to ruin his life by letting the police know that he coerced a minor into having sex with him. That’s what your whole ass song Seventeen is about, so it’s not like it would be a random story.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right about that, but I think he’s out of my life now. Sometimes he tries to slide back in, but he hasn’t tried for six months now, so yay. All time high record.”

“Next time he contacts you let me know and I will literally send him a video of me like, going down on you or something. I’ll flip him off the whole time.”

You laugh at that but can’t hide the flustered feeling you get from the thought of Hitoshi doing that. You wouldn’t complain if he did do that, though. “My knight in shining armor.”

“You know it,” he says, flashing a smile at you. You roll your eyes, laying down on the ground. He watches you for a bit, just staring at you as your eyes are closed for a while. “But in all seriousness. I’m really sorry that happened to you. He’s definitely the worst and you did not deserve to go through that. I’m sorry you did.”

“It’s… well, it isn’t really okay, but that’s okay. It’s okay for something to not be okay, you know?”

“I know… I definitely know that. And I’m really sorry that asshole completely ruined an emotion like love for you. You deserve so much better.” You open your eyes at that, giving him a sad smile. “Maybe I’ll get over it someday. But yeah. I wish he didn’t do that, but he really did. I guess I’m just afraid of getting hurt again.”

“I understand completely,” Hitoshi nods, staring back out at the stars meeting the ocean. Suddenly his phone buzzes, causing him to look down at it. “Oh, yeah. It’s like 10:45 over in Japan right now,” he mumbles, unlocking his phone to message his mom back. “Oh? I didn’t realize you were so popular that even in a different country your phone would be blowing up,” you tease him, and he chuckles before giving you the middle finger. “I’m not, my mom is just worried I’ll get alcohol poisoning and die here.”

“Don’t tell her about last night, she’ll shriek.”

He smiles, knowing that she definitely would. That’s when he realizes he’s never really told you about his mom. And that’s just not fair since you basically just poured your heart out to him about your shitty ex. Time to let you know. “She definitely would, and then the nurses would grill me out next time I went to see her.”

“Nurses?”

“Oh, yeah. I never told you, did I? My mom basically lives in the hospital at this point. I mean, not really, but she has to be there a lot for the chemotherapy treatments. She was always a sickly woman, but six months ago she was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer. And, well, they gave her at least three years.” Hitoshi pauses for a moment. The news still makes him emotional, so he’s fighting back the emotions surfacing in him right now. Or at least he’s trying to, but you make it really hard. Especially since you’re immediately wrapped around him. He lets out a shaky sigh before giving you a teary smile. “It’s not okay, but it’s okay for it to not be okay. My dad passed away when I was seven because of an accident on the job, so my mom raised me. Even when I made it nearly impossible, she was always there. So, yeah. It’s… it’s hard. It was hard losing someone I loved when I was a kid, and it hasn’t gotten any easier.”

You don’t say anything at first, just gently push his head into your shoulder. You gently rub his back as you two sit in silence. You know that he’s crying silently, so you just stay there before you break the silence. “I’m here for you, Hitoshi. You can always talk to me about everything going on.”

He nods, setting his guitar to the side, and fully wrapping his arms around you. You run your fingers through his hair to try and help him out. You’ve had a shitty relationship, but that can never compare to Hitoshi’s situation. You could never imagine losing people you loved. At this point, it seems like that emotion just does more harm than good for everyone. No wonder the two of you never want to deal with it again. You’re afraid of getting hurt by someone you love again, and Hitoshi is afraid he’ll lose someone he loves since it seems to keep happening. 

The two of you stayed like that for quite some time, until you noticed the sky beginning to lighten up. “Toshi, look. The sun is rising.”

He pulls himself out of your arms but makes sure to keep one of his around you as he pulls you closer to him. You lay your head on his shoulder and he lays his head on top of yours as the two of you watch the sun rise over Los Angeles. You never thought you would ever see this sight, but it’s certainly beautiful. “(Y/n?)”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For listening. And for comforting me. I haven’t really been able to talk about it with anyone.”

“What about Denki?” you ask, shifting your head and looking up at him. He lets out a chuckle. “I’ve talked about it with him, yeah, but I don’t know. It’s nice having a change of pace and being able to talk to someone else about it, y’know?”

“Yeah, I know. The only person I ever talked to about my guy problems is Mina, so it was really nice talking to you about this stuff.”

He grins. Even though he just reminded himself of the fact that his mother is sick, just the mere fact that you were there with him was enough to make him feel a little bit happier. “What do you say we go to bed now? It’s seven in the morning and we have work to do tomorrow,” he mumbles, and you nod. You would be lying if you said you weren’t tired. Hitoshi stands, extending his hand to you which you happily take. “Too bad we can’t sleep in the same bed again. Mina and Denki will definitely know something is up,” you say with a sigh as you gather up the things you brought to the roof. All of it went untouched, but maybe that was for the better. You were stressing out too hard and your notes probably weren’t even comprehensive. He grabs his guitar and frowns. “Yeah. That really sucks, I like having you with me while I sleep.”

“And I like having you with me,” you say, opening the door that took the two of you to the roof. You both walk silently to his room first since it’s on a higher floor, and he quickly gives you a peck on the lips as a goodnight… er, good morning? Doesn’t matter, he disappeared into his room as quickly as he did it, just leaving you grinning in front of his door like an idiot. 

You quietly walk into your room, being extra careful to not wake Mina even though she wouldn’t wake up if you screamed directly in her ear. You settle into bed, hugging a pillow close to your body and pretending it’s Hitoshi. It does help that your pillow still smelled like him from the night before, too. Lavender and Eucalyptus. Not a scent you ever expected to find extreme comfort in, but here you were. 

Waking up was confusing, since you literally had no idea when you even fell asleep. You wake up around 10:30, exhaustion immediately making itself felt. “You didn’t sleep because you were stressed last night, huh?” Mina asks, sitting on her bed with her headphones on. You shake your head no, letting out a big yawn as you do. Mina sighs, shaking her head before shutting her laptop. “Do you need to sleep in more? I can call Denki and we can go give our information to the band and designers if you would want to sleep in.”

“No, I need to get my information to them earlier rather than later,” you mumble, pulling yourself out of bed and going over to get clothes on for the day. “Whatever you say, but I’m definitely not coming back to the room afterwards and I’m definitely forcing Denki to go to the beach with me because I don’t really want to go alone and I know he’s weak and would never be able to turn me down, so knock yourself out when I’m gone. Literally. Please.”

You laugh at that but nod regardless. That would be very nice, being able to just take a nap while she was off sitting in sand and staring at scantily clad women on the beach. But before you can look forward to that, you need to go tell the band and designers what you need for soundcheck tomorrow and then for the actual performance. You grab your laptop and shove it in a backpack as well as your various notes and look at Mina. “Are you coming too?”

“Oh, definitely. Of course.”

“Great. Is Denki coming?”

“He and Shinsou are already there, actually. Guaranteed it’s because Shinsou dragged his ass there before he had.a chance to protest, but we gotta go.”

You both leave your room, Mina calling an Uber as you make sure you have everything to make this exchange as easy as possible for all parties. “Okay, (Y/n), but seriously. What is up with you and Shinsou? Like, you don’t just fall asleep with someone while drunk, you know that, right?” she asks as the two of you wait outside for your ride. You roll your eyes. “Yes, you do. Especially if y’all are very close friends who happen to both be tired as hell and drunk as hell at the same time.”

“Oh, please. He was literally doting on you the entire time we were at the club. He definitely wants something more with you.”

“No, he really doesn’t. We already talked about all of… that stuff after you and Denki left the room and we thought we were dying. We were just drunk, and he wasn’t doting he was just making sure his friend was okay getting drunk in a new city in a new country.”

Mina narrows her eye at you from suspicion but decides that the story checks out and lets out a dramatic sigh. “I just want you to find someone, you know? I feel like it would help you with everything going on in your life.” “I don’t need someone else to be doing well, Mina. Believe me, I’m just fine on my own.”

“I know, I know. But still. It wouldn’t hurt to see you happy in a relationship.” 

Your Uber arrives and the two of you hop in. You stare out of the window, trying your hardest not to fall asleep in this car as Mina chats the driver’s ear off. Luckily the drive isn’t too long, and you both head inside the theater you’ll be performing at. You walk over to the band, showing them everything you need. You even give examples of what you’re looking for, playing the guitar to get them familiar with it, the piano, bass, drums, all of it. And they are very grateful for it, because they have a shit ton of other contestants that they have to do this for, and not all of them are as nice or ready as you are. You thank them before going over to the designers and showing them the idea you had come up with for the performance. You let the sound designer know that your friends would be singing back-up and how you would like their microphones to sound throughout the performance, and then you move on to telling the lighting designer what you think would look cool. You spend at least twenty-five minutes just talking with them and bouncing ideas back and forth until you all settle on a light show and sound. You thank them again, and then turn to go back to the lobby. 

You find Mina outside talking with Denki and Hitoshi, and as soon as she sees you, she waves you over. You walk over to them, giving Hitoshi and Denki a small wave. You were even more tired now than when you woke up, so talking exudes too much energy that you really need to save. “I told you she didn’t sleep at all. She’s definitely not going to the beach with us,” Mina says to Denki, her tone dripping with an ‘I-told-you-so’ attitude. Denki groans. “But we never get to do anything fun with (Y/n)! Not since the club.” “Are you saying hanging out in your room all together last night wasn’t fun?” Mina challenges and Denki goes silent. “Oh, yeah, I guess it was.”

“Listen, Denki, I think you should just let (Y/n) go home and take a nap. She obviously needs it,” Hitoshi cuts in, masking the concern he’s feeling for you with a dry tone and no expression. “I know, I know. Go back to the hotel and take a fat nap, (Y/n/n). I wanna hang out with you later today, alright?” You nod, getting your phone out to call an Uber back to the hotel. “I already called one, (Y/n/n), you can just ride with me,” Hitoshi says, and you nod. “Aw seriously? You’re not coming either?”

“Denki, I also did not get any sleep last night because I have insomnia, I would also like to just relax for a bit.”

“Okay, fair. But I mean it! We’re all hanging out later!” “Okay, but no drinking. I mean it. We have soundcheck tomorrow.”

“Fine.”

And with that, the Uber arrives and you and Hitoshi pile in. “We are going straight to my room and passing the fuck out because I had a horrible time trying to sleep without you last night, alright?” Hitoshi literally pouts, causing you to laugh. “Okay, okay, calm down. I’ll stop in my room to change into something more comfortable and then-”

“Nope. You’ll wear one of my shirts and a pair of sweatpants that I own, and we will go to sleep as soon as possible. We’re going straight to my room though, because if Denki and Mina burst into any room it’ll be yours.” “Fair point. Okay.”

“Good.”

He wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to him as your Uber driver winds through traffic. You arrive at the hotel pretty quickly, and you both head on up to his room. He throws some clothes at you and you go in his bathroom to change before coming out and curling up under his covers and into his arms. He pulls you closer to him and pretends like he wasn’t just affected by seeing you in his clothes, but boy oh boy he was. He would like to see you like that more often, to be honest. But he probably wouldn’t, and he knew that, he just kind of really hoped he would. “G’night, Toshi,” you mumble, falling asleep immediately. He chuckles silently, carefully and gently tracing patterns on your back. He got very lucky, and he knows it. Even if you two aren’t dating, he has a cuddle buddy and a music buddy and a kissing buddy who he really really likes. And not like in just a romantic way because he definitely does and he’s doing his best to make sure that feeling doesn’t turn into… something more, but also like in just the fact that you allow him to be himself. It’s amazing, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He falls asleep fairly quickly, too, and you two take a cute little four-hour nap. 

You wake up at two in the afternoon to see Hitoshi already awake and staring at you. “Good morning, kitten,” he says, his ‘I just woke up’ voice very much evident. “Morning,” you mumble, burying your head back into his chest. You feel the vibrations of his laughter in his chest, and grin. “When do you want to actually get up?” he asks, going back to rubbing your back. You shrug. “Probably soon. It is the afternoon, so.”

“Yeah. You’re right there. Do you maybe want to go meet up with Denki and Mina? Go grab some lunch and stuff?”

“Yeah, sure. Why not.”

The two of you get up, Hitoshi changes while you stretch out a bit then you head down to your room so you can actually appear presentable as well. You throw Hitoshi’s clothes in your suitcase, saying you’ll give them back to him later but honestly? You had no desire to give them back. They were too comfortable, and they smelled too much like him. They belonged to you now. He had a hunch that was what you were doing, but he honestly didn’t mind. He brought more casual shirts and sweatpants with him on this trip anyways, you could keep them if you wanted to. And you wanted to. And he lowkey wanted you to, too. You text Mina, asking where they are, and she answers right away. “Looks like they’re at some beachside restaurant, let’s go,” you say, calling an Uber yet again to get to the restaurant. 

When you arrive, Mina and Denki are already a few drinks in, so they were far too excited to see the two of you. Luckily, there were sober people there to make sure they don’t try to annoy the two of you into drinking. Kirshima, Bakugou, Jirou, and Momo are all there, too. Four new people are there as well, the boy with the messy green hair, the really cute brunette girl, the guy who looks like and definitely is a stoner, and the edgy guy whose hair is dyed half white and half red. You two are introduced and you learn that their names are Izuku Midoriya, Uchako Uraraka, Hanta Sero, and Shouto Todoroki. You learn that Sero and Kirishima became friends after getting stuck in the elevator together. You also learn that Uraraka is friends with Jirou and Midoriya and that’s how he and Todoroki ended up coming. Another thing you learn very fast is that Midoriya and Todoroki have fat crushes on each other, but apparently, they aren’t dating yet. It’s kind of cute watching how flustered they get with each other, honestly. You end up hanging out with all of them for the rest of the day, occasionally getting filmed by a UA Idol camera crew going around to catch what the contestants are doing on their days off. It was actually really fun. You got to know these new people and you really liked them, they were super cool. And it was a nice way to destress. 

You never expected to make so many new friends, all from different places. This competition is giving more opportunities and friendships to you than you expected it to, but hey. You were NOT complaining about it. It was also funny to see the different dynamics everyone brought to this little hang out. Bakugou would call everyone and extra or a dumbass, but when it came to Kiri he was softer and somehow gentle with him. It was hilarious to hear him call Midoriya a piece of shit waste of space and then immediately go mom mode because Kirishima said something he ate made him feel a little bad. And then Midoriya was equally as hilarious. He was this cute little positive boy covered with freckles and smiles, but the minute that Bakugou would be rude he would somehow insult him on his biggest insecurities without batting an eye. You don’t know how he did it, but if it weren’t for Kirishima and Todoroki you’re pretty sure they would have gotten into a fist fight. Uraraka was very similar to Midoriya in that regard, whereas Todoroki was very bad at picking up social cues and kept a cool and calm demeanor through anything. Of course, Jirou and Denki were flirting the whole time, but the way she flirts is by being mean, which Denki lowkey loves. And Momo and Mina are getting along very well, they’re kind of exact opposites which makes them work nearly perfectly. 

Just hanging out with them was ridiculously fun, and you really hoped that this wouldn’t be the last time. Based off of all of their performances that you had seen, they all would be able to get through to live shows. You just wondered if you would be able to pull of getting to the live shows. Luckily for you, every time you got lost in thought, Hitoshi would subtly squeeze your hand to pull you back into reality. At this point, you don’t know what you would do without him. And that scares you too. Not because of the growing feelings you have for him, because they aren’t there, duh, but because if he makes it through and you didn’t, you would have to go back to Japan without him. And that’s the worst thought because you know he’ll make it. And you know Mina and Denki will too. You’d like to believe you will, but will you really? Your phone suddenly buzzes, and you look at it to see a text from… Hitoshi?

‘kitten, the anxiety is radiating off of your body. just relax, okay? i know you’re nervous but everything will be okay, i promise. besides, everyone at this table is here for you and feeling the same nerves you are. for now, just try to relax and enjoy this time. oh, and i’m also buying your food. sorry not sorry’

You grin a bit, especially since immediately after you read it you feel your other hand get squeezed in reassurance. He really knew how to make you feel better. And even going into the next day, he was constantly reassuring and helping you. And you were doing the same for him. Soundchecks were now going on, and while you were nervous, you weren’t as nervous anymore. You had watched Mina go already, as well as Denki, Kiri, Bakugou, and Uraraka. Now, it was Hitoshi’s turn, which meant you were up there, singing harmonies with him. His soundcheck went really well, they set everything for him, and he was good to go after two runs of his song. Then you were up. Now don’t get it wrong, even though you were less nervous doesn’t mean you weren’t nervous at all. Quite the opposite, actually. You were still worried things would go wrong, but you know that if that’s a thing then it’ll get fixed. You just really care and want everything to be okay. And it was! Soundcheck went really well, the lighting show was great, your microphone was adjusted, the band knew exactly what to do, you knew exactly what to do everything went perfect! And you were very happy about it. 

“I told you everything would be fine,” Hitoshi says to you after your soundcheck is over. You roll your eyes and stick your tongue out at him. “I can’t control my nerves sir.”

“I know, but I still told you everything would be fine. Do what you did today tomorrow, and you’re guaranteed a spot in the live shows.”

“Well, thank you, but you do know that same statement applies to you, too, right?”

“Mmmm, no I could have done better.”

“Hitoshi Shinsou, I swear to GOD.”

He laughs at your tone and the look on your face, putting his hands up in defeat. While the two of you were talking, Midoriya leaned over to Mina and asked the golden question that everyone wanted to know. “So, are they a thing?” “I wish I knew Midoriya,” she whispers, and Denki joins in. “They won’t let up on the idea that love is bullshit, so here they are, dating without actually dating and ignoring any and all assistance we try to give them.”

“Huh… is this what Todoroki and I are like?”

“Yes.” This time Uraraka butts in, sending Midoriya a glare. He instantly turns bright red, causing Denki to bite back a laugh. “Just ask him out, bro. You know he’ll say yes,” Denki says, patting him on the back. “Yeah! And that way, the three of you can join the groupchat we have devoted to spying on them and plotting to get them in a relationship!” Uraraka snaps her head towards Mina so fast that she probably should have gotten whiplash from it or something. “That’s a thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Why am I not in it yet?”

And that’s how Uraraka got in the group. But not Midoriya. He only got in after he asked Todoroki to be his boyfriend. Now there were two secret operations going on, and both parties were literally completely oblivious to everything going on between each other. Funny how that works. 

For you and Hitoshi though, the focus was mainly on the competition. The final round of Hell Week was tomorrow, after all. No matter what happened, your lives were definitely about to change.

[armandyke]

hallo here are the hc's i whipped up for the teacher au!! i'm sorry this turned into an essay i'm just a dumbass who loves soft teacher au a lot!!

“not sure what the others would teach in this teacher au tho-” *wakes up in the dead of night with cold sweat* *kicks down the door* I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS!!

oh boy…get ready….cause it’s A LOT

- Submitted by @katgreeves

luther: physics teacher, cause you know…spaceboy……everyone is scared at the beginning of the year when they get him as a teacher cause he’s TALL AND HUGE AS FUUUUUCK, but then fast forward two months later and everyone is chill because turns out he’s a really easygoing and soft teacher…just really socially awkward and lowkey dumb sometimes

asshole kids in his classes use his softness to his disadvantage and pull pranks on him constantly, poor guy….the other kids tho always tell them to shove it tho because he may be soft and dumb and socially awkward but he’S OUR SOFT AND DUMB AND SOCIALLY AWKWARD TEACHER DON’T TOUCH HIM!! the first time they protected him he had to remind himself not to tear up because HE FELT SO LOVED!!!! 

he gets them snacks even if they’re not supposed in the science classrooms because “eXPeriMENts and CHEmIcALsSsSsssSS!!!” and will rant for hours about space and starts and THE MOOOOON cause when he was a kid he always wanted to be an astronaut ( :’))))))) ) and his kids get fed up one day and go “why don’t you just make an astrology club mr luther????” and he does and IT’S A REAL SUCCESS WITH THE SCHOOL BODY YAY!!!

(five when he grows up also becomes a physics teacher and pesters luther all the time like “I AM 10 TIMES THE TEACHER YOU EVER WERE-” “NO YOU AREN’T STFU” and he’s technically wrong and right because material wise??? yes he’s 100% the better teacher and he always has answers to the kids questions and teaches them extra content cause he’s always been a genius but as a physics teacher that kids really like????? no siree that title goes to luther because he was a soft teddy bear to his students and they trusted him while five is eccentric and strict the the point where his kids are scared the FUCK out of him)

diego: pe teacher, SWEARS SO MUCH IN FRONT OF THE KIDS IN CLASS OMG HOW IS HE NOT FIRED YET?? is tough on the kids sometimes so push harder but IS ALSO SOFT AND REALLY ENCOURAGING THE KIDS TO WORK AND TRY THEIR BEST BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN THEM!!! (except for the group of cocky assholes he’ll get in every class and don’t want to listen to them…he has personally removed their rights in the class)

whenever the self-defense unit comes around he’s sooooo dedicated to it and makes sure that the kids master everything to a t, cause who knows when it might come in handy??? he wants to make sure that the kids know how to protect themselves as the world is a shitty place and you never know when shit will go bad (except he does…he’s had enough bullshit and scared happen to him and has gotten involved in so many fights that he wants to make sure that the kids won’t hurt like him :“’))))))))) ) 

he’s a secret softie that will protect the kind kids that are not as good at pe and get bullied by the cocky assholes in the class becAUSE THAT’S JUST WHAT HE WOULD DO NO IM NOT SELF PROJECTING OF WHAT I WANTED OUT OF MY PE TEACHERS SHUT U-

also eudora is a pe teacher and the two of them are very competitive to be the best pe teacher and this rivalry turns into playful flirting and big ass crushes that they’re way too stubborn to admit, the entire school still ships it anyways (the entire school also ships klaus and dave because gay rights!!!!!)

allison: either school counselor or principal i can’t decide because she can be super kind and open to talk and gives advice that helps a LOT but she’s also a hbic THAT CAN AND WILL run the place. 

anyways, whatever job she has, she also helps with the drama club and school plays, and literally every year the theatre kids BEG HER to kick out the current drama teachers and replace them because allison>>>>>>>>>>>> all of the existing drama teachers there  

ben: is either a literature or philosophy teacher. super smart and knowledgable but is also really laid back and fun to talk to. he’s got a dark and snarky sense of humor and his students always have sass battles with him. the number of INSANE inside jokes his students and him share is HUGE.

HE DEMANDS THAT HIS STUDENTS PARTAKE IN READING TIME IN THE BEGINNING OF CLASS NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BECAUSE READING IN AN IMPORTANT SKILL AND HOBBY FOR DEVELOPMENT AS A READER, WRITER, LEARNER, AND OVERALL PERSON AND NO AMY DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME I’M THE TEACHER HERE AND I SAID NO ELECTRONICS SO PUT THE GODDAMN PHONE AWAY BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AN-

anyways…he is really considerate to what students need and makes them as relaxed as possible because school is HELL. students LOOOOOVE HIM. HE’S THE ONE TEACHER BESIDES DAVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE LIKES. (highkey inspired by my philosophy and lit teachers because they’re also really smart but sassy and cool like ben and I JUST THINK THEY’RE NEAT)

vanya: strings orchestra teacher for obvious reasons. she was real shy at first when she first got hired but the the strings department at that time was soooo small and crappy that she went “oh HELL no,” rolled up her sleeves, and set to revitalize it just because she cares about music so much.

she recruited more students, got more advanced music so the kids could feel a challenge and be motivated to improve, and collaborated with the choir and band departments to provide more clubs, events and opportunities outside of class for kids to do music.

she is a no business type of teacher when it comes to arrogant people that put other players down or people who don’t practice and goof around and will snap at them SO HARD because everyone needs to be at their a game for a concert and in an orchestra no single person is bigger that the collective. she’s however SOOOO SOFT with really soft playing and shy kids because she understands how it feels when you think your playing isn’t good enough, so gives them extra help, gives them solo lines or solos to play so they gain more confidence in themselves, all while constantly giving encouraging words about how much they’ve improved that always makes them feel better and more motivated to improve.

she’s an absolute anxious and cranky maniac a week before the concert but she throws parties with food, drinks, and games afterwards to celebrate with her kids. she constantly gets them to play music related games and challenges that they do as a class for team bonding to make things more entertaining in class. she makes dumb music puns a lot too! 

she also will in the class say crazy stories of her childhood and the crazy shit she and her siblings did and then somehow always relate it back to the lesson and make it some sage advice…the kids never understand how she does it

(me???? self projecting more of my teachers into this au cause they’re cool??? more likely than you think)

also one day she chops her hair real short and cute and the conversation with her students basically went like this:

students: miss vanya you cut your hair???

vanya: yes kids I’m a lesbian

students: !!!!!!!!!!!!

vanya: ;))))))))

students: MISS VANYA SAID GAY RIGHTS!!!!

vanya: HELL YE I DID!!!

bonus grace yayyyy!!!!!: is the school nurse…she’s so sweet, so soft….has precisely whatever people need when they feel sick/injured…helps them calm down in they’re freaking out…always has a couple of beds in the nurse’s office so people can lie if they feel dizzy…gives out candy/sweets/food to people so they feel better!!

diego meets her a lot because a lot of kids in his class gets injuries and he takes them to the nurse and he jUST LOVES HER SM!!! INSTANT MOM FIGURE!! THEY TALK AND JOKE AND LAUGH TOGETHER AND GRACE WILL ALWAYS GIVE HIM A PASTRY SHE MADE WHENEVER HE COMES BY AND HE JUST IS SO SOFT AROUND HER ITS GREAT (his students find his sudden change in his demeanour amusing “hey mr diego is nurse grace your MMMmoooOoOooOOOmMMMMMMmmmmmM??” “kid your a good one but say that shit to me one more time and I will beat the sh-”)

she always has a smile on her and everyone LOVES HER…..except for the administration that always want to get her fired because they are assholes and they think she’s too weird to stay. however, every time they try to fire her, a certain teacher comes by the office for what they claim is a civil discussion...and after an hour of yelling, death threats, and the door getting 10 knife marks they go “you know what grace…you can stay" 

those assholes are persistant though, and one time though not even a certain teacher could get them away from firing her so once the news breaks out that nurse grace is leaving the whole school is FURIOUS and throws a 1 week riot and the administration get so scared and tired that they just go "OK WERE SORRY JUST KIDDIN- OK OK SHE’S STAYING FOR GOOD JESUS”

grace is so grateful that she makes a whole bunch of cake for everyone and everyone with tears in their eyes just goes “this…is why we love you sm nurse mom”

~~okkkieee that’s the end of it sorry it’s a literal essay I just got very passionate about this au lmao rip!!! I’m slowly tempted to write a fic about it even though i’ve never written a fic before in my LIFE and I already have like 3 other au fic ideas in my head already smh

[having-a-freddie-time]

save me

summary: Y/N is trying her hardest to get out of an abusive relationship without telling anyone. However, she can’t always hide the bruises, especially from her best friend since childhood, Ben Hardy. Once he finds out, he tries his best to help her out without her getting hurt.

warnings: slight angst?, doctor talk, hospitals, cussing, lil bit of fluff. overall, nothing too bad.

a/n: i feel like four parts is a good buildup for the bomb to be dropped, right? i hope y'all enjoyed the last chapter. it was shorter than i anticipated but i think i got the point across?

word count: will put in later

•••••••••••••

Ben lied to the nurses at the nurse's station saying he was your fiance just so he could stay with you all night. Gwil, Lucy and occasionally Rami would stop by. Even Brian and Roger stopped by. When Ben was filming Bohemian Rhapsody, he snuck you onto set just so you could meet Brian and Roger. They instantly loved and adored you, which made them your grandpa figures. You'd joke with them and call them "gramps" or "papa".

On one particular day, you felt a wave of depression hit you hard. You loved having your friends visit you and all, but you still felt incomplete. Like there was something missing from you. You were on the road to recovery, yet you felt like something was still wrong.

Suddenly there was a soft knock at your door and in walked your neuro surgeon. He greeted you with a warm smile as he and his group of nurses walked in. It was a shame he wasn't Derek Shepherd. He was young, probably late late 20's early 30's. He was not bad looking at all, shiny dark brown hair, forest green eyes and the sweetest smile you'd ever seen. Sadly, he had a ring on his finger, which you respected.

"Good morning, Ms. Y/L/N. I just came in to remind you that you have a neuro checkup in a few hours. We're just going to get a CT to check the brain bleeds and how they're healing, then we're going to be asking you a series of questions. Otherwise, it's a pretty normal checkup."

He smiled sweetly and tapped away at the tablet in his hands. Nurses took your daily vitals, checked your incision sites and gave you your antibiotics to fight any infections that might appear. You had already gotten used to this daily routine that you could basically do it yourself, the nurse was just there to assist.

Ben had left to go get some breakfast for the both of you. The day you found out that you were finally allowed to eat solids, you begged Ben every morning to get you waffles from your favorite breakfast diner. You still ate the hospital food every now and then because it wasn't as shitty as people make it out to be. It wasn't like you were in some run down hospital, you were in the number one trauma center. They were number one for a reason.

Ever since you had gotten here, you felt safe and at home. Doctors and nurses treated you with such kindness that you were baffled. The staff always made sure you were comfortable and not in any pain. You tried your hardest not to be one of those pain in the ass patients. Nurses had told you horror stories of them having to deal with patients who had to stay as long as you had to. The craziest story you've heard was when a woman was here for five months and acted like she owned the hospital. You laughed and joked around with Anita on the daily. She was an older black nurse that had you laughing so hard you had tears. You made a mental note to send them gift baskets when you leave.

Although you had been pretty happy for a trauma patient, you had your depressing days. Days where Ben would just sit and watch you. He'd try to start a conversation but it was no point, you wouldn't even look at him. Doctors told him that it was completely normal for domestic abuse survivors to have these types of days and the only way to help is to just be there for them. You didn't argue when you were required to see the trauma therapist that they had there. He was a nice old man, very wise and really helped you realize so many things. You appreciated his quick wit and humor. He knew when to be serious and when to be a little goofy.

Ben came back into the room, setting your waffles down in front of you. You silently dug into the scrumptious breakfast before you and watched whatever was on the little flat screen before you. You had been moved to a more private room in the hospital. This area was more for big name people and since Ben was with you, you qualified for one. This private area kept paparazzi and unwanted people out. It wasn't much different from the other rooms, just more private.

"I have a neuro check up at 1 today, gonna get a CT and they're gonna ask me more questions." You mumbled before shoveling a piece of waffle, drenched in syrup and whipped cream into your mouth. Ben nodded as he ate bacon dipped in syrup.

"Did they say anything else about anything? Like if you would be released soon?"

You shook your head no and swallowed. They said it would take quite awhile for you to heal but you had been healing faster than anticipated.

"I think they just want to make sure I'm mentally and emotionally stable before they discharge me. Which I understand completely."

"You've been doing good with Dr. Smith?"

You nodded with a small smile lifting your lips. Ben mirrored the smile and continued to stuff his face with bacon and waffles. After about 15 minutes of the two of shoving your face with food, you were finished. Ben took your to go box and threw away, along with his stuff. You sat back into the bed, sighing softly and closing your eyes.

"I feel incomplete."

"What do you mean? You just ate."

"No not that way dummy!"

"Then what do you mean?"

"I miss my family. I wish they were here with me. Don't get me wrong, I love you and everything and you're the closest thing to family I've got but I want my mom and dad, and my brother. Now that Trevor is gone, I want to contact them."

"Then why don't you call them?"

"I'm too scared. I'm afraid they're angry with me and that they won't want to see me. I literally isolated myself from them for two years, Ben!" You exhaled and bit your lip. Your eyes dropped in sadness as you went into thought. You heard Ben move around then a second later he's laid up next to you.

He throws his arm lazily around you, carefully so he doesn't touch any of your incision sites and cuddles into you. You smile softly and melt into him. It wasn't uncommon for you and Ben to be cuddled with each other. Ever since kindergarten, you'd both take naps with each other. Your parents could have sworn that Ben was the long lost triplet you and your brother had.

Soon enough, you had both fallen asleep, light snores filling the silence that pierced your room.

▪▪▪▪▪

About 2 and half hours later you woke up to the sound of Anita knocking on your door. She walked in quietly, smiling at the sight before her. You nudged Ben to wake him up, it took him a second but he finally opened his eyes, rubbing them with his fists.

"Time to take you to your check up, hon. We'll be back soon."

You nodded and sat up, stretching your arms out. Ben transitioned from the bed to the chair, looking at you. You swung your legs over the bed and carefully stood up. Your balance has been a little off but it's a normal issue for you.

Ben held his arms out for you, in case you needed him. Anita walked over to you to move the metal rolling thing that had your I.V on it. Slowly you both walked to the wheelchair she had brought it. You plopped into the cushioned seat and situated yourself.

"I'll see you soon, Bear."

Ben nodded at you and brought his index and middle finger to his forehead, signing off to you. You giggled and mirrored his actions as Anita wheeled you out of the room.

As soon as Ben could see you were out of ear shot, he picked up his phone and made an important phone call. He bit his lip in anticipation, waiting for the person on the other line to pick up.

"Mrs. Y/L/N? It's Ben!"

•••••••••••

Finally you and Anita arrived to the CT machine. You stood up slowly while Anita situated your I.V. Dr. Peterson, your neurosurgeon, sat on the other side of the window, a welcoming smile on his lips.

"How you doing today, Y/N?" He asked into the microphone.

"I'm dog tired and wanna go home but otherwise pretty good. No headaches or anything. Vision is still a little bit fuzzy but we both know I need glasses." You said, giving him a thumbs up.

"That's good to hear. You ready to get started?"

You gave him another thumbs up as you laid down on the table. He nodded and pressed the button, which caused you to move backwards, your head going into the circle.

You sat there for about 5 minutes when you heard the speaker beep. The machine whirred and slowly brought you out of the machine. Dr. Peterson gave you a thumbs up, indicating that it was okay for you to leave.

Anita came in and quickly got you sat down and ready to go. You yawned and laid your head back on the chair, staring at the ceiling.

"Just meet me in the exam room, I'll go have get the results." Anita nodded and wheeled you into an exam room.

Once you got there, you sat down and waited patiently for him to come back with the results. You tapped your fingers against your thigh as Anita took your vitals and started a conversation with you.

"You know, cardio and general cleared you. All you need is to get cleared by neuro and psych. Then sometime in the next week or so, you'll be discharged."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! You've been here for nearly two months. Your wrist is healing perfectly, your incision sites are perfectly fine. Now all we need is for your emotions and your noggin to be cleared."

You giggled at her word choice and smiled. You couldn't wait to get out, as nice as it has been, you miss your bed. Dr. Peterson walked in with a huge smile on his face. You hoped it was a genuine and not fake.

"I think I have the best news you've heard all week."

"Tell me!"

"Well Ms. Y/L/N, your CT results are in..." He took a dramatic pause as if he was about to announce who just won an Oscar for best drama.

"Your brain bleed is completely healed, you're concussion free and your brain function is the best it could ever be!"

Your eyes lit up in excitement as you couldnt believe your ears. You stood up and instantly wrapped your arms around his neck, squeezing him so tightly. You released and gave him the biggest smile, then you turned to Anita and did the same, all the while laughing and cheering.

"I can't believe it! I'm gonna get discharged soon!"

The three of you cheered and hugged. You had just heard the best news you could ever hear. You couldn't wait to tell Ben and finally be able to leave. Without realizing it, you had tears streaming down your cheek. Not because you were sad, no, because you were so happy.

"I'm so happy. Not only because I'm getting discharged soon, but because when I leave this hospital, I will be a survivor of domestic abuse. I won't have to worry about having to cover up bruises and scars and cuts. He's gone. I'm free."

You sobbed with pure happiness. You never felt so happy in your entire life. Anita pulled you into a tight but careful hug. She was the closest person to a mother figured that you've had in awhile. She felt the same amount, if not more, happiness that you radiated.

Dr. Peterson couldn't help but tear up to. He had to admit, working on cases with domestic abuse victims, sexual assault victims or anything like that, really hit him hard. He was so honored to have helped her to the road of recovery.

After the three of you celebrated and cheered, you finally were headed back to your room. Today had been pretty long and exhausted, but it was all worth it in the end.

Soon enough, you approached your room. Anita wheeled you in, not realizing that there were more people in the room. You had your eyes closed as you yawned and stretched your body out, from your arms all the way down to your toes.

Suddenly, you had heard a familiar voice echo throughout the room.

"Y/N, my baby..."

"Mummy...?"

•••••••••••••

taglist: @benhardyisdaddy @monochromedeacon @queenbbarnes @haileylansley @shesakillerquueennn @onexlittlespark @zcars777 @kate-player @beatlezrcool @likeit-or-leaveit @mrsmazzello @caborhapch @jacqueline1916 @thegarbage-queen

perm taglist: @benhardyisdaddy @haileylansley @queenbbarnes @beatlezrcool

[thecatladyknits]

it’s been a MONTH since D came home from ireland with sciatica and stomach issues. it’s gotten better and worse and better and worse and better and worse... you see what i’m saying. and still still still he has fucking refused to go to a doctor. he FINALLY scheduled something for today. i understand his perspective that a lot of times when you go to the doctor, they’re like blah blah whatever, but when you’re not getting better and you don’t know what is happening or why... what the fuck else are you supposed to do!?!?

i hate hate hate playing nurse. i have like zero patience (or empathy apparently) though i have been nice bc i love him and i know he is suffering. but i am tired of this. i feel like i wouldn’t be as bothered by it if he would actually DO SOMETHING!!!! towards trying to get better and i knew there would be an end in sight. i feel like this makes me sound unsupportive but

a) i have a full time job and cannot be a nurse too 

b) he has refused to get help which makes me less sympathetic 

c) he is often snarky at me - i will ask if he is okay or needs anything and he’ll snap at me like OH I’M JUST FUCKING GREAT, I LOVE NOT BEING ABLE TO WALK AND SHITTING EVERY 10 MINUTES!!!! again, i understand he’s frustrated and in pain, but there is no need to take it out on me when i’m showing concern and trying to help.

d) he will whine about things that have nothing to do with his condition - like yesterday he yelled for me sounding really panicky and it was bc he couldn’t find his phone while he was in bed. it was literally next to his head only slightly under the pillow. he could have easily reached it if he even tried. 

also he does this ALL THE TIME even when he’s not injured, like he can never find anything BUT HE DOESN’T EVEN LOOK. keys. wallet. phone. mail. a piece of clothing. if it’s not right in front of his face, it’s apparently lost forever. like on top of emptying pee bottles and get food and water and fresh clothes and set up chairs and arrange blankets and running errands for tylenol and juice... now i have to do things for him that he can fucking do for himself? LOOK FOR YOUR DAMN PHONE. LOOK UP YOUR OWN DOCTOR. CALL THE INSURANCE COMPANY. I KNOW IT’S IN MY NAME, BUT YOU ARE ON IT AND HAVE A CARD WITH THE PHONE NUMBER. CALL THEM YOURSELF. YOU’RE NOT 4 YEARS OLD AND I’M NOT YOUR MOM. I DON’T WANT CHILDREN BUT I REALLY DON’T WANT A GROWN ASS MAN-CHILD BOYFRIEND.

there’s no way this doesn’t sound like i’m blaming him, but this is my blog and i am venting... we are making ZERO progress on getting the fuck out of here (i.e. buying a house). there are like 3 houses i’ve wanted to see and he can’t even get out of the apt much less to the rental car place and over to see houses. and now it’s almost november. i have to travel for work in 2 weeks, then we travel to michigan for thanksgiving, then a month later we travel to connecticut for christmas, then in early february we’re going on vacation. we totally lost october and that may have fucked us completely for house buying before literally MID-FEBRUARY OR LATER. unless a miracle happens and he’s better immediately and we find something and get an offer accepted in the next 12 days or the 20 days we’re here in december or during january, we’re basically at a stand-still until mid-february. and our lease is up at the end of march. so if we don’t find a house to buy, we have to find an apartment to rent for some unknown amount of time.

oh to hell with it, you know what, i AM blaming him (at least partly) for this. maybe he wouldn’t have gotten better any faster if he’d gone to the doctor, but maybe he would have. also maybe we wouldn’t have liked the houses if we looked at them in person. or maybe our offer would be rejected or the inspection would make us back out. i have no way of knowing and i will need to let it go at some point, but i’m still fucking pissed and disappointed bc those things would maybe have been at least A POSSIBILITY if he had not been a complete baby about going to a doctor. and at least continuing to look would give me some hope and something to look forward to when i’ve been in the complete dumps these last 6 months. i never thought i would miss cleveland but i honestly am dying to go to see people and to not have to take care of him for a week. (he’s gotten better enough that he will probably be okay while i’m gone)

i’m so tired of everything guys. it seems like no matter which way i turn or what i try, things just keep going wrong. if it’s not the same thing going wrong, something new pops up. i haven’t felt this shitty about life since 2011 and i was in my nightmare job. it was a different feeling, but i felt like things would never get better again and i’m feeling like that now. it feels so utterly shitty all the time. i’m tired tired tired. i know it’s only been 6 months, but it’s felt like i’ve been stuck in this shitty spot for a decade. i don’t know what else to do. i’m just so.fucking.tired.

[truthofherdreams]

Of baseball bats and psychic powers (3)

Steve rents a little flat above the electronics shop, despite his parents’ protests. His mother had wanted him to stay at home for a little while longer and then his father had offered to help with the deposit on a house, which was so fucking ridiculous Steve refused immediately. He likes his bachelor pad, like Nancy calls it, and the fact that he can spend his days off in nothing but his boxers without anybody to see or judge. It’s just enough independence for him who still doesn’t entirely have his shit together.

Kali follows him inside, failing to look bored as her eyes roam every inch of the main room. His cereal bowl is still on the coffee table and he can’t remember the last time he did the dishes, which wasn’t a problem before a hot, deadly girl showed up. Playing host isn’t that good an idea, all of a sudden.

���Pizza okay with you?” He makes his way to the fridge, grabs two cold beers and offers one to her.

She opens it and takes a long gulp, a sigh escaping her mouth when she licks the beer off her upper lip. Steve does a pitiful job of not staring.

“Vegetarian for me,” she answer. Then, when she notices his raised eyebrows, she points to herself. “Hindu.”

Steve stares at her, perplexed. “Isn’t alcohol forbidden?”

Her eye roll is so impressive he’s afraid her eyes will be stuck at the back of her head for a moment, but then she’s back to glaring at him. “That’s Islam, you idiot.”

“Fine, fine.” Can’t really blame him for not knowing those things. Hawkins is mostly white with, like, two black families and a Jewish one. That’s about it.

She’s still glaring by the time he reaches the phone and punches in the pizza parlour’s number. Better not linger on why he knows the number by heart, or how he doesn’t have to give his address. He just asks for two pizzas, one pepperoni, one cheese, and leaves it at that. The phone rings again the moment he hangs up, and he blinks at it before picking it again.

“Hullo?”

“Hey, Steve.” Sometimes, he wonders if his heart will stop doing that weird flip-flop thing every time he hears Nancy’s voice. He’s pretty sure some small part of him will always be in love with her, even if he’s over her now, moved on and everything. It’s kinda hard, completely forgetting your first love. He’s been doing an okay job, but some feelings linger.

“Hey, Nance.” He spares a glance for Kali, who’s now looking at the pictures of the dipshits and him stuck to his fridge, before he takes the phone off its hook on the wall and moves to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to check in. Mom says she hasn’t seen Mike today and nobody’s answer at Joyce’s so…” So I’m wondering if the end of the world is near. Steve knows the feeling.

“He’s fine. We’re fine. Everybody gathered at Hopper’s and…” He sighs, loud, as he sits down on his bed, one hand in his hair. “Turns out Dustin and I are the only sibling-less in the gang.”

Only silence answers for a few seconds, before, “What do you mean -- is Joyce -- wait. What?”

Steve lets out a low chuckle, before he fills Nancy in. She’s back on the West Coast with Jonathan, settling in San Francisco a couple of weeks before uni starts again. Steve tries not to feel too jealous of them, because he loves his life and everything, but. Sometimes, he wishes he’d gotten out of Hawkins, too.

Nancy, bless her heart, gasps at all the right places, never interrupting him until he’s done with his tale. Even when he’s done, she stays silent for a little while longer, and he pictures her nibbling on her bottom lip or playing with her hair or something very Nancy-like to do.

When she speaks again, it’s with the kind of mirth in her voice that has Steve wish she didn’t speak at all. “So, she’s hot right?”

He lets himself fall backward in bed, one arm above his eyes, with a loud groan. “Is that all you’re focusing on?”

She laughs. “You’re telling me King Steve would let a girl come to his bachelor pad if he didn’t have the hots for her?”

“Hey! Be nice! I let you come to my place, and El, and Red and…”

“Joyce?” He hears the smirk in her voice, and he hates her for it. Just a little. “I mean, girls you’re actually planning to sleep with, not your almost-sisters and everyone’s mom.”

“And you.”

“And me.”

Steve is the one to let the silence linger this time. He’s so very glad he managed to stay friends with Nancy, after everything. Their friendship was rocky at best, at first, when she told him what happened with Jonathan and he nursed his broken heart but. He has no idea what he would do without her as his best friend, even now that she lives so far away. She understands him in a way nobody else ever did.

“Yeah, she’s pretty.”

“‘Pretty’?” she asks with a laugh. “Wow, even worse than I thought.”

“Okay I’m going to hang up on you now.”

She laughs again. “Come on, Steve!”

“Bye, Nancy!”

She’s still talking to him and laughing when he actually hangs up the phone, a smile on his lips. He needed that, someone who doesn’t hero-worship him like the kids do, or glare at him like Hopper, and now Kali, do, or anything. Nancy doesn’t believe his bullshit, and forces him to face the truth. Not that he was particularly denying having the hots for Kali. He has eyes, after all.

When he goes back to the living room and puts the phone where it belongs, it’s to find Kali lounging in his couch. She’s stripped off a few layers of clothes and is now down to a simple black tank top and her jeans, boots and jackets on the floor. There’s a hole in one sock and another one on her knee, and she’s showing way more skin than Steve was ready for. Also, she has her nose in a book, and doesn’t look up even when she says, “Girlfriend?”

“Ex, actually. Now best friend.”

She raises an eyebrow but still won’t look at him, and Steve wonders when exactly he lost his charms with women. If he ever had them in the first place. Or if Kali is a special case, in more than one way.

He’s stopped in his musings, and in Nancy’s words coming back to haunt him, by a knock on the door. It’s his usual delivery guy, some boy he vaguely remembers from high school, and Steve tips him as he grabs both pizza boxes then slams the door shut with his foot. Kali is still reading when he puts the pizzas on the coffee table and sits in the armchair, but she perks up a little at the greasy smell.

“What are you reading?” he asks, because maybe awkward conversation is better than awkward silence.

She doesn’t look up, and deadpans, “Pride and Prejudice,” even if he can clearly see she’s holding a Margaret Atwood book. It’s going to be a long night.

“What’s this about?”

She sighs, and for a moment he believes she’s not going to answer. But then, “It’s a dystopia where fertile women are the slaves of rich families who want children.”

That’s. Okay. Wow. “I too read to escape the shitty world we live in,” he finds himself replying, like a moron.

She snorts a laugh, looking up at him above the top of her book, before she closes it and puts it aside. She grabs a slice of pizza next, smirking at him with her mouth full of food, head tilt to the side. Steve wonders what she sees, what she’s looking for. He’s but a suburban kid with bad jokes and a history of getting himself into trouble and she -- is so much more than that. Much more trouble, too.

“Where do you fit in all of this?” she asks after a while, around another mouthful of pizza. “Jane never mentioned you.”

“Probably because we only met after she came back from her little Chicago adventure,” he replies. Only in passing, and then he’d been at the hospital for two days because of the concussion Billy gave him, and El had been passed out for a full week, and it was another week before they were formally introduced by Dustin. He still remembers the bags under her too big eyes and the smile at the mention of him saving all of their annoying asses in the tunnels. “Told you, I was the babysitter.”

Kali purses her lips, before she points to the corner of the room. “That to play with the kids?”

He doesn’t have to look to know she noticed the baseball bat in the corner. He used to keep it in the trunk of his car, until Hopper saw it and lectured him about safety issues. Now it stays here, ready to be grabbed if something happens. It hasn’t moved in months, thank god. “Yeah, Mike’s into baseball,” he replies, with a smirk of his own.

“You’re weird.”

In her mouth, it sounds like a compliment.

…

He has to fight her over offering his bed to her, because he’s too chivalrous for his own good and she’s too stubborn and this entire scenario is too fucking stupid. Yeah, his couch is not the least comfortable and she’s small enough that she would fit nicely, but. His mother raised him better, okay? When you have a guest over, the guest gets the bed. That’s, like, the most basic rule of all.

Kali rolls her eyes, but she gives up at some point, and throws one pillow at his face before he grabs a spare blanket. She locks herself in the bathroom too, while she’s at it, and Steve fails not to stare when she comes out with a clean face. It makes her look -- soft. Small. Almost vulnerable. She still has the tattoos, and the crazy hair, but now she doesn’t look so tough anymore.

Looks can be deceiving.

“Good night, then.” She’s standing in the doorframe, one foot on top of the other, like she doesn’t know what to do with her body. Her arms swing a little by her sides, and an awkward smile curls up her lips. Like she doesn’t quite know how to deal with kindness and hospitality, which reminds Steve of Hopper’s stories about Eleven. Makes sense.

Steve decides to put her out of her misery with a smile of his own. “Yeah. ‘Night.”

She lingers for a second longer, before she nods to herself and turns around. The door closes, and then silence settles in. Steve sighs, and rubs his face, before he lies on the couch. It’s too small of him, and he struggles to find a comfortable position for long minutes, tossing and turning until he manages to have all his limbs under the blanket and his back not screaming in agony too much.

It’s going to be a long night. Especially since he pictures her every time he closes his eyes, all soft skin and long hair and mysterious eyes, and he hates himself for how predictable he is. Throw a new girl his way, not some Hawkins chick he’s known his whole life, and he’s a pathetic fool. In his mind, Nancy is laughing loudly and Jonathan is shaking his head. They both have a point.

[icelovesfire]

zenmasters week 2017 ** day 7 - alternate season 8

This was a dismal, unfeeling place, he thought with a glare. Sometimes people got good news behind those doors, but more often than not, they learned their stable world was suddenly off its axis and everything they had cared about only mere hours earlier was now meaningless. And his chick was behind those doors. 

Or, well, his former chick, he reckoned. He knew she hadn’t slept with Kelso - the man in question would’ve gloated about it to him nonstop if he had, instead of the continuous string of denials that he had heard on replay for a month, until he successfully shut Kelso up. But they hadn’t been in a good place even before he stormed out of that shitty motel, thinking his girl cheated, chased down Kelso, got drunk and drove to Vegas - on the way to Vegas, anyway, as there’d been a major car pileup blocking the highway and he turned back around to sleep the night off in Kenosha. 

He wished he could do it over, reverse the El Camino, walk back into her motel room, leave before Kelso came in and decided it was a great time for a burn - moron. Or, better yet, rewind further and stop her before she even left Point Place. But how could he? A. He was pissed at her for throwing him that damn ultimatum, B. He was pissed at her for making him think she left when she’d been hiding in the basement all that time and C. He always knew she deserved better than being stuck in a shithole like Point Place, Wisconsin, and he wasn’t about to ask her to give up her golden opportunity, especially not for him. 

He looked up briefly as the doors swung open, unconcerned as he knew it wouldn’t be for them. He was shocked to see that a beaming Kitty Forman was running over to their group, waving around and shouting excitedly, a doctor at her heels. 

“She’s awake! Jackie’s finally awake!“ 

He felt his heart constrict and his throat go dry. Jackie had been in the hospital for almost three months since the accident - the doctors said she was lucky to have lived at all. Kelso was much luckier; he’d gotten a few broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder, landing himself in a hospital bed for a week, not that Kelso was complaining much when a certain gorgeous brunette stayed by his side to nurse him back to health - the same brunette the goof was already thinking of proposing to. 

He blamed himself, if he was honest. Kelso hadn’t wanted to spill at first, but he’d managed to pry it out of him that Jackie insisted her ex-boyfriend take her back to Point Place immediately so she could explain what he was doing in her room half-naked with only a towel and a bucket of ice. They hadn’t counted on the icy road in-between Chicago and Point Place, or the drunk asshole careening around the shoulder. And they certainly hadn’t planned on the road trip cut short, or returning to Wisconsin on gurneys. 

He knew now what Jackie had hoped to explain. Kelso had driven to Brooke’s place, seen her with another guy (who turned out to be Betsy’s teenage babysitter that Brooke was writing down a phone number for; Kelso was really such a moron,) drove to Jackie’s motel room for a comforting shoulder (he’d clearly forgotten his fling with Angie already) and saw the El Camino when he returned from the ice machine after spilling ice down his front and swiping a towel from a nearby laundry cart. And then Kelso had decided to burn him by pretending he and Jackie were about to have sex. Idiot. Worse, he had fallen for it. Who knew what could’ve happened if he’d made it to Vegas that night? 

“She’s awake?!” asked his redhead best friend as she jumped to her feet. Donna had ditched the blonde hairdo when she started college in Madison last month, saying she wanted to concentrate on her studies instead of try to keep her coloring intact. Apparently, being a blonde was a lot of hard work. 

“Yes! She’s awake!” Kitty said, smiling at all of them. 

“Can we see her?” Fez asked, stuffing his half-eaten Milky Way into his back pocket in his excitement. 

“You can,” Kitty nodded, “but only a few at a time.” She hesitated. 

“Kitty, what’s wrong?” her husband asked, frowning. 

“Nothing, nothing,” she assured. “Well, maybe something. Jackie might be a bit…off.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Fez asked before he could voice the question.

“She seems to be a tad bit mixed-up.“ 

“What?” Donna asked, with a frown of her own. “What do you mean?“ 

"Well,” Kitty said, grasping for the right words, “the doctor asked all the normal questions they ask when a coma patient wakes up and she had…well, frankly, weird responses." 

"Miss Kitty,” Fez said, “Weird how?”

She shot a look in her son’s direction. “He asked her the year and she said 1980." 

He balked. There were still several months until 1980, and three months ago, it’d been an even longer duration. How did she get 1980? 

"There’s another thing,” Kitty said, turning to Donna. “Have you been seeing anyone since my son left?" 

"What?” Donna asked, startled. “Of course not. I could never move on from Eric that quickly, and I’ve been spending all my time studying." 

Kitty smiled. "Oh, good. Just checking." 

"Why?” the woman who had nearly become her daughter-in-law asked. 

“Jackie was asking for a Ryan - no, Roger - oh, Randy! That’s right, a Randy Pearson? She said you were dating him, but had just broken it off." 

"Randy Pearson?” Donna asked. “Isn’t that the guy who’s more obsessed with his hair than Kelso is?" 

"Hey!” Kelso said. “No one’s more obsessed with their hair than I am.”

“Hyde, wasn’t that Randy guy in the store the other day?“ his sister asked.

He nodded. "He keeps coming into the store, pretending he knows all about music, but then goes in the corner and listens to the Styx all day. He thinks he’s funny, but he really isn’t." 

"I’m definitely not dating that guy, nor have I ever,” Donna told the woman who she knew would one day become her mother-in-law. 

“Glad to hear it,” Kitty said. 

“Although you deserve better than Eric,” her husband said. 

“Hush, Red,” Kitty replied. "Charlie, she thinks you’re dead,” she continued, as tactfully as one could be when informing someone that another person had dreamt up their death.

“Dead?” Charlie asked. “The only dead I’ll be is when Dad figures out what happened in his warehouse. Then I’ll definitely be dead.”

“What happened in the warehouse?” Red asked.

“Nothing,” Charlie said.

“Can we see her now?” Fez asked again. 

“You can, but…she’s made a few strange requests." 

"Well I’ll see you all later,” Donna said, heading in the direction of her best friend. 

“Not you, Donna, sorry, dear. She specifically doesn’t want you." 

"What?” Donna asked, clearly upset. 

“She says and I quote, ‘that lumberjack chose the stripper skank over me!’”

“The who?” Donna asked. 

Kitty looked uncomfortable, but continued. “Michael, she said you can come in, as long as you don’t propose to her again." 

Kelso’s eyes widened as he vigorously shook his head and frantically explained to his girlfriend that he never proposed to Jackie. 

"It’s true. He hasn’t,” Fez said. 

“Red, she would like to see you, and you too, Bob. And her boyfriend…” Kitty trailed off, trying to figure out exactly what to say next. 

He made a move toward the door, before Kitty stopped him with an apologetic look. 

“Not you, Steven, sorry. She’s rather angry with you, I’m afraid." 

Well, he probably deserved that. 

"But I’m pretty sure I would know if you had run off to Vegas and married a stripper." 

Now it was his turn to be shocked. "Wait, what?" 

"That must be the stripper skank she thinks I chose over her,” Donna said, slightly less confused, but only slightly. 

“But you said her boyfriend could go in,” he told his surrogate mom. 

“Right. That. Erm - you see - her boyfriend is allowed in - Fez.”

He swiveled to glare at his foreign friend. “What the hell, man?! Jackie cheated on me with you?" 

Fez held his hands up in surrender. "All that time in bed has made her crazy! The most action I’ve ever gotten from Jackie is that time she ate popcorn off my lap so I kissed her!" 

"I oughta kick your ass for that,” Donna murmured. 

He tried to keep his calm exterior. “Then why the hell is my girlfriend asking for her boyfriend who she claims is you?" 

"I’m telling you, it’s all that bed rest!” Fez said. 

Angie looked at her brother. “Well, you didn’t leave her on the best of terms." 

He glowered. "So she makes up some fantasy in her head about dating Fez?”

“To be fair, she probably couldn’t control her dreams while she was in a coma,” Brooke said. 

“Well, she’s not in a coma anymore,” Fez said. “I’m going in there and straightening this out." 

"Like hell you are,” he said, blocking Fez’s way. “But I will.”

[purplesurveys]

703

What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? It was a Nokia. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? Mmm at the moment it would be Twitter, YouTube... and Twitter? Hahaha I don’t typically go on a bunch of sites these days.

Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. Yeah my current favorite are my mom jeans. They’re high-waisted, fit but not skinny, they’re basically really comfy to wear and they go well with every top. What profession do you respect? All jobs are worthy of respect but at the moment I particularly admire the frontliners from doctors and nurses to grocery clerks to janitors. All fucking badass in their own ways. Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? Minor ones in the past. Was never a fan.

Have you ever ate something you've dropped on the floor, if so what? Yep. I always eat food I drop on the floor/ground but the one time it ended up being nasty for me was when I dropped a couple of siomai, picked them up and ate them, and they turned out to have a bit of gravel already D: Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? Yeah why not? The job sounds pretty cool honestly. I’d love to earn money just by driving and still helping people in the process. How do you know when you're in love, what's the main sign? I stare. I do it secretly, but I still stare. That or I act increasingly aloof around them. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? I didn’t watch them put an autograph on it but I’ve bought something that was personally signed at some point. I got a signed AJ Lee poster that was being sold on WWE Shop. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? I wouldn’t know which one is better or has more stuff. What do you long for? Restaurant food. Window shopping. Taking strolls at the mall. DRIVING. If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? I wanna say Beyoncé but I feel like I’d just be intimidated by her? Lmao  so I’d go with Chrissy Teigen. I want someone who’s gonna be as clumsy as I am. What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? Go to a therapist or psychiatrist, for a start. What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? Usually it’s social media. When I’m working I always have to have Twitter and/or Facebook either open in existing tabs, or I open tabs to quickly check them every ten minutes or so and then close them. Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? Yeah but I honestly don’t mind it because it at least means people are taking steps in becoming more sensitive. What tragic love story do you relate to? I dunno, I haven’t had a tragic relationship experience myself. If anything though the plot of Hello Love Goodbye hits home quite hard. Has your intuition or "gut" served you well? Ugh, quite often. And it’s always my gut feeling for worst case scenarios that turn out to be true, which sucks even more. What's the longest you've ever waited in line for something and what was it? Driver’s license. Took seven hours lining up for the damn thing. Who is your favorite model? HAHAHAHAHAHA I always stay quiet about this cos she’s such an unpopular choice, but I really have a bias for Kendall Jenner byeeeeeeeeee. But Kiko Mizuhara is beautiful, too. What have you done that is out of character for you? Take up an externals VP position. I’ve never been the type, but I took on the job because no one else would take it and I didn’t want my org to die. Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? Honestly it’s the thought that counts. If they believed I’d love a gift card to somewhere I like like a bookstore, I’d love it. If they bought me something they remembered me in, I’d love it just as much. Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? Gabie. She’s just so hardworking, so ambitious, she takes no shit and it’s all I want to see in people. How do you handle a betrayal? Cutting ties. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? The current administration in general, anything that aims to glorify the piece of shit that was Ferdinand Marcos, media censorship or journalist killings, any anti-poor policy. What's the biggest blooper you've never lived down? The one time we were playing Heads Up and instead of saying puto bumbong I said puto bimbing. It’s ALLLLLLLWAYS brought up to me at family reunions, and honestly it’s pretty damn funny so I laugh along with my relatives hahaha. I’m trying to think of an equivalent in English so you can understand how ridiculous it sounds in Filipino and it’s pretty much on the same tier as that viral post that talks about how they said “Are you fucking sorry?!” when they wanted to say “Are you okay?” but also “I’m fucking sorry” at the same time HAHAHAH If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? Probably Mexican or Tex-Mex comfort food. It seems to be a hit in Filipino markets and it has similar ingredients to our own food. What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? A buuuunch of old books that were assigned readings to me in grade school and high school, children’s encyclopedias, some book series I’ve had since I was a kid, other lesser-known short novels. So books, basically. What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? In driving school I was taught in a sedan, but when I was done with the classes I practiced some more in my current car, a hatchback. What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can't? Cutting class. Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? Nope. Do you believe in karma? Sure. Not in a religious way, but the idea that people who do shitty stuff have their ass handed back to them at some point in the future is a comforting thought. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right thing? Doing the right thing, as someone who’s afraid of punishment or getting caught lmao. Do you believe in the term "Mother knows best?” Not always. My mom can be pretty tone-deaf about a number of stuff. Who is your favorite movie action hero? Not a fan of action and not a fan of superheroes. What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can't get elsewhere? My city always makes me feel nostalgic and getting to the top is always magical. I’ve never felt the same anywhere else. How important are looks in someone you're in a relationship with? Pretty important but it’s not everything. I had a crush on Gabie mainly because of her looks but I also considered dating Mike even though I didn’t find him good-looking, so it varies. What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? LMAO going to the fucking washroom. I dunno the situation anywhere else but some high-end malls in Manila will CHARGE you ₱5 or ₱10 for going to their washrooms. Like what the fuck?????? It’s so ridiculously pretentious that I completely avoid those malls out of sheer annoyance. What are you most thankful for? It’s gonna sound so privileged but at this point I’m grateful I have a roof under my head, parents who can afford to feed us as many times in a day as we’d like, and a comfortable home. You have to understand how my country is very behind in terms of living conditions, so anyone living in a legit house who can eat 2-3 times a day and doesn’t even think about receiving relief goods is already insanely lucky. Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? Not really. I do have a favorite radio show but they still play music in between. What was the last book you read? Fast Food Nation - had to read it for a class. What's your favorite online store? I think I’ve gotten most of my purchases from Lazada. What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? Paramore. What's your favorite non-alcoholic drink? Depends. I’m ok with water most days but when I wanna treat myself I go for a crazy sweet milkshake. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? Cool! There are plenty hidden gems in those. What do you like to put gravy on? Rustic fried chicken. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? Yeah, we canoed in Palawan. It was one of the most calming experiences ever and I’m really itching to do it again.

What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? Right now it’s how great I look with bangs hahahahaha. I can’t believe I didn’t get these sooner. What is priceless to you? My 12 year old dog relearning how to go down the stairs. What do you wait for discount sales to buy? I don’t really pay attention to discounts. What is one thing you know about your family history you're proud of? How inclined most of my ancestors were towards history. The phrase “runs in the blood” has never felt truer.

What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? Pool by Paramore, From Eden by Hozier, and I Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House. What is the craziest thing you've ever done for someone? Drive through punishing Metro Manila traffic to surprise my girlfriend for all of five minutes, then head to school for my class. Do you keep a budget? Nah. With my weekly allowance I just try to save as much as I can every week. If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? Nothing evil. I just want my girlfriend to be appear beside me because I haven’t seen her in a month now. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? A nap? Because isn’t that what naps do? Lmao What is the funniest joke you have ever heard about? I’ve encountered funny ones but I can’t seem to think of any right now. Who depends on you the most? Idk, my parents probably. Could you ever be someone's bodyguard? Nah. Has one of your biggest fears come true? I don’t really have a fear that’s a scenario, so no. Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don't understand? Why they get so fragile when someone criticizes what’s wrong with some men. Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? I haven’t let Gabie do it for me but I’ve always considered the idea just in case something I’m involved with blows up too much. Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? Nah, it’s so unrealistic. If so, what were two things you wanted? Have you ever ridden on a subway or train and what did you like about it? I’ve ridden a train once. And it wasn’t even during rush hour so I didn’t get the authentic experience haha. It was cold in the train, not a lot of people in it, and I felt like a tourist the whole time. What song on your playlist gets played the most? I have multiple playlists and each have their most-played songs. Have you ever received a harsher punishment than you deserved? Hate punishments and always try to do the right thing to avoid them, so I can’t remember the last time I actually got punished. Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? Lmaoooo the usage of ‘members’ here is hilarious, like being a woman is being part of an organization sksk. I don’t mind what they’re into, as long as it’s not disturbing. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? That’s what I prefer, personally. Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? Yeah my great-grandfather was a World War II general. What embarrasses you instantly? Slipping, falling, or tripping. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? It’s what I wanted to be growing up but nah I’m not fit for it. You have to have incredible strength to be a firefighter and I can barely lift anything heavy. I also have a low tolerance for pain/discomfort, so there’s that. Oh and the fact that I’m afraid of FIRE. Do you often read your horoscope? I never read about my horoscope. What current event are you tired of hearing about? I’m tired of our president calling for a stupid state of the nation address almost every fucking night at 10 PM that’s always filled with empty words and absolutely no concrete plans to address the virus. I can’t stress this enough - Y’ALL ARE INSANELY!!! LUCKY!!! WITH YOUR GOVERNMENTS!!!!!!!!! Are you a daredevil? Far from it. I prefer being a goody two shoes. What common pitfalls do you find yourself dealing with in your work life? Don’t have work yet. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? Yes for historical. I’ve already listed them down and what they did in old surveys; I don’t really wanna get into it again right now. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Yep. For best friends, close friends, and friends in desperate cases. How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? I think about how far I’ve come or how I’ve never failed anything I’ve had to face or come across. Have you ever fired a gun? Never. I really want to though! I’d love to go to a shooting range after the shitstorm that is this quarantine. How are you different from most people? I dunno. But don’t we have our own ways of being different? What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? Apologizing to your kids if you’re the one who’s wrong. What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? Cockroaches, even though I think they’re pieces of shit and are ugly. Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? No, I wouldn’t dare. I get very cranky when I lack sleep, so I don’t wanna test my limits by going 24 hours without it. Who is a female role model in your life? Don’t really believe in role models but the closest thing I have as an inspiration is AJ Lee/April Mendez. What childhood dreams have you neglected? This sounds so tragic lmao but there are a couple I’ve had to come to terms with that they’re just not realistic, like being an astronaut or a vet. How often do you reevaluate your life? Not a lot; I don’t really focus on that because it would only make me anxious. What's your favorite place just to hang out? Skywalk, my org’s common area. What gives you a zest for life? Idk, good news? What three things do you think of most of each day? What I have to do for the day, making sure all the bullets in my to-do list are met, going home to my dog at the end of the day.   Would you travel to space if possible? For sure. Name a famous person you wouldn't mind for a business partner. Jay-Z.

[svetlanabelikova]

Journaling (III)

content warning:

bodily functions

food talk

i shit in a bucket.

i know that was almost a week ago at this point but it has been a rough week. im going to go through it as best i can from memory. i think my last post was about a week ago and i was dreading the ‘shit in a bucket’ moment of my life which-- did not disappoint. it was just as bad as i thought it would be. 

monday: i set my alarm for about 6am with the intention of getting up and wondering around the house until my body was like ‘aye mate, the time is upon us.’ but instead i just ran around the house trying to get myself and the kids ready for school-- which turned out to be a good thing as it turns out, when it comes to shitting in a bucket, there are some rules you gotta follow. the principle one being that you have about an hour from toilet seat to dropping it into the hands of some lab assistant. we usually leave the house at about 7:20am or so, get the older two kids to their school before 7:40am, then take the youngest to her school by 8am, so i would then need to book it across town to the medical center, jaunt up to the lab and drop off the specimen. it was going to be a fairly tight schedule but you really can’t-- well, i can’t, produce on queue and with the chaos of the kids and everything... it just didn’t happen. but it turned out to be a good thing as my stupid-ass brother took out the truck the night before, literally ran it dry and left it outside on empty. so my mom had no choice but to use her tiny car which didn’t have space for me and three kids in car seats. so they left, i was able to be alone in my thoughts and then the moment came. i-- i am sure that i looked like a totally insane person. i had a lot of anxiety, i was just pacing around the room hyping myself up. it was a lot of ‘look, this is something that, while you’ve never done anything like it before, it will be a fun story to tell. you never pissed in a cup before either-- but you just did that on friday. you’ve never told everyone on the internet your weight and yet you did that too! this is nothing. you just gotta walk into the bathroom and just do it! this is something that you really want! if you want to be successful in this program you gotta deal with all the weird shit they throw at you! come on, get in there champ!’ it was not a pretty picture and i did not believe my own lies.  eventually the dark deed was done. i got to use my super advanced, medically sterile cup and popsicle stick. sealed it in a sterile bag, put that bag inside another bag with my name, the time and date on it, then waited for my mom to get back so she could drive me over to the lab. at the lab, i stood around for almost 20 minutes just waiting for someone to come out and tell me what i was supposed to do. eventually, someone came out, got my sample, then i went with my mom grocery shopping. that ended up running a little late, so we got the littlest from pre-k, then decided to go get lump from kindergarten a little early. while my mom went in to sign him out, i got a call from the lab. apparently, someone used one of my samples for the wrong test. i kept trying to get more information but the woman just did not want to tell me over the phone. just kept saying the specimen needed to be recollected and the sooner, the better. my phone is at like 28% at this point and i still haven’t eaten anything yet. we take the kids home, i change clothes, get the kids calmed down then drive back over there absolutely furious that they somehow used an ENTIRE SAMPLE for the wrong test and scare shitless (pun intended) that i’m going to have to shit in another bucket.  i get over there, wait in the waiting room for like 40 minutes before the nurse will finally see me and then tells me they just need another vial of blood. i give them the vial and go home. at this point, i start to notice my ears are stuffy. the day before (sunday) i had noticed my throat was sore. but it was the first big wind storm of the season, there was a high pollen alert from my area so i was just trying to tell myself it was allergies-- add to that my hyperfocus on the whole ‘shitting in a bucket’ thing and i just didn’t want to realize that it was a headcold coming on-- and wouldn’t ya know it-- it was a headcold. and my white blood cell count in all my tests for this week are all high. so i’m probably going to have to take them again when i’m feeling better. so tuesday through today (friday) i have spent in an anti-histamine daze. take a pill, feel better for an hour, sleep for 3 hours, take another pill, repeat. today however, i got 2 different phone calls to set up appointments next week: an upper GI scan (which by the way and tone the lady who i talked to on the phone said “Oh those are so fun.” means it will most certainly be not fun at all so....) and a follow-up with rupinder to go over all, and there is no joke here, 20 test results from the last week or so. as i mentioned before, everything is high but not scary high. the only things scary high are my b1 levels (i take vitamins to boost those and i guess there is just a lot built up in my system. oops), insulin (like i mentioned, my body over produces the stuff) and white blood cells (cause i was getting sick). everything thing else is high due to a shitty diet and being so overweight and once i get that under control, i expect to see all those levels drop. all week i have been eating about half a cup of oatmeal and whole wheat toast for breakfast than either homemade soup and salad for my other meals. which i don’t mind at all! i was vegetarian for over 8 years. i love salads and veggie burgers, etc. it is just a combination of it being expensive and that shitty, cheap food is more available. like yes, i could have been adding only veggie burgers and salad stuff to my grocery list but when your not paying for your own food, you kind of take what you’re given. but now that i’m seeing the toll it is taking on my health and trying to wrangle in what’s going on in my body, i am going to be more conscious of what i’m eating overall. i’ve gotten used to avoiding dairy due to my lactose intolerance, and red meat/ high sugar foods due to my gallbladder issues, but not being cognizant of calorie count and sodium levels and total fat-- all the stuff i used to make fun of skinny white girls in yoga pants doing in the grocery isle. i have to be that girl-- minus the skinny part. and the yoga pants. but i do have to be the bitch in the cracker isle turning the box over and doing the math in my head, trying to add up to the magic number that will make me... better. healthier. i have a lot of deep-seated hatred and unbridled vitriol for the health and fitness lifestyle. it has been pushed upon me my entire life and i’ve always gone out of my way to try and avoid it as much as fucking possible and while i’m never going to be drinking whatever the hell kombucha is or doing px20 or whatever other health craze is going on, i am going to have to put some of that acidic anger on the backburner-- at least for now.                            

[huachengsimp]

just a small snippet of something I’m working on. 

Daniel straightened the collar of his tuxedo in the mirror, then turned around to face Shay. “What’dya think?”

Shay raked his eyes up and down Daniel’s body. His hair was still wet from the shower and hung down around his eyes in tangles. He could smell the aftershave he’d used all the way from his bed. That question was so loaded and a million possible answers rose to Shay’s lips. He wanted to tell him that his heart was racing just looking at the dimples popping out on his cheeks. Or that he was getting hard on just the way the suit fit him in all the right places.

“Those ruffles make you look like an old British man,” was what he settled on.

Daniel flipped him off. “Shows what you know. I texted a pic to Cheryl and she said I looked hot. I think that increases my chances for later.”

He waggled his eyebrows and Shay threw the covers over his head. “I don’t want to hear about how you want to get laid.”

Shay, for the hundredth time this past week, pictured himself in Cheryl’s place. In the next few hours, those two would be doing God knows what in the back of Daniel’s pick up truck while he wasted away here vomiting into his trash can.

Daniel sat down beside him and ran his hand up Shay’s leg. Shivers wracked his body and he jerked away. His body needed to chill the fuck out.

“Sorry you got sick, dude. But you can always go to prom next year.”

Shay snorted. “Like I wanted to go in the first place. Can you even imagine me in a stupid tuxedo slow dancing with some girl to Carly Rae Jepsen? I don’t think so.”

Daniel pinched his side. “So pretentious. You’ll look back on this in a few years and regret it. And I for one think you would look extremely handsome in a tux. Girls dig long hair you know?”

Yeah, but he wasn’t interested in what girls thought of him. His mind hung on Daniel’s choice of wording. He had the extraordinary ability to say things that could make Shay’s heart race and then break into pieces simultaneously.

“Shut up or I’ll vomit on you.”

He heard the door open and his mom’s squeals as she came in the room. Shay stuck his fingers in his ears.

“Oh, Daniel you look so handsome! Stand up and let me take some pictures.”

Daniel ran a hand through his hair. “Thanks, Mrs. Ishikawa, but my mom already took like a million of em already.”

She flapped her hand. “Just a couple. I’ll be quick.”

Daniel cut his eyes at Shay as he giggled under the covers. When she had gone, Daniel’s phone buzzed. He snatched it up and swiped his finger across the screen. He grinned.

“Cheryl’s ready, so I’m headed out. You need anything before I go?”

Shay held up his Ps4 controller. “Nah, I’m good. Have fun on your date. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“But you wouldn’t do anything.”

“Hey, you don’t know that. I could be a kinky cam boy for all you know.”

Shay tried not to read too much into Daniel furiously typing his name into google on his phone.

“I was joking, stupid. Don’t catch any STD’s. I’m not driving your ass to some clinic.”  

Daniel grinned and stuck his phone in his pockets. And then he was gone and Shay was left with the blinding blue light of his playstation for company.

~~

His mom had came in and told him that Dad had called and wanted her to come to his office, so Shay was completely alone in the house for the next few hours. He tried to drown his misery in Borderlands but the growing pain in his abdomen made even that impossible. Shay knew something was wrong when the pain worsened no matter how many times he dry heaved.

He choked down some Pepto Bismol and popped a sleeping pill. Surely, when he woke up he would feel a bit better. But by the next hour, the pain was so intense and he was curled into a fetal position while shivers wracked his body.

What the hell was wrong with him? He’d never had a stomach virus make him feel this shitty. Shay reached for his phone and typed in his symptoms on WebMD. Immediately things began to pop up from stomach cancer to appendicitis. Shay’s stomach seized with anxiety.

Great. So according to that, he was dying. He threw his phone down and tried to take a few deep breaths. It was probably nothing and he was being a big baby.

Another pain pierced his side so intense he choked out a sob. Ok, this wasn’t nothing. Something was definitely wrong with him. He dialed his mom’s number but it went straight to voicemail.

Shit. She had most likely forgotten to charge it. Again. He tried his dad’s office number but it was late and most of the employees had went home already.

Sweat started pouring down his body as the pain worsened. What was he going to do? His brother, Kevin, was too far away and he didn’t even want to think about why his parents were alone at the office so late.

Phoning for an ambulance was the most logical choice but what if he called them and it turned out to be gas or something. He would never be able to deal with that embarrassment. Plus hospitals frightened him ever since an asthma attack at age nine had sent him to the ER. He remembered being pushed on a gurney right next to a guy who had gotten his arm caught in a sawmill. Even now the image of all that blood made him want to pass out.

With the pain worsening every second, he was left with only one other option.

~~

Daniel slid his hand lower as Cheryl giggled into his neck. She smelled amazing and the dress she wore highlighted every inch of her curves. They had been going out for a couple of months now and by the way her face was flushed, he knew the night would be the one when she finally let him go all the way.

His pants tightened just thinking about it.

The song was perfect, too. He didn’t recognize the singer but it was making Cheryl melt as they swayed along to the rhythm.

“I didn’t know you were such a good dancer,” she said into his ear.

“I’m good at a lot of things. I could show you later. If you want, that is.”

She was about to answer when a teacher came by and cleared her throat. “Hands where I can see them, please. And don’t forget the arm length rule.”

Daniel sighed and stepped away. Cheryl’s lip pointed out into a pout. “So lame,” she said.

“How about I go get us something to drink. Then we can head out.”

Cheryl giggled. “Ok.”

Daniel grinned. This was going better than he expected. As he approached the punch bowl, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He whipped it out and was shocked to find Shay’s number flash on the screen.

That was odd. Shay would never call him without reason. He glanced back at Cheryl. Her back was turned so he ducked into the bathroom and answered.

“Shay?” A raspy breath rattled into his ear. His heart sped up. “Shay? What’s wrong.”

A muffled crying sound. “It hurts. It hurts so bad.”

“What hurts? Shay, are you ok? You’re scaring me.” His voice heightened earned him a few weird looks from the guys around him.

“My stomach.” Another sniffle. “I don’t know what’s wrong. It feels like something’s about to burst.”

“Have you called your parents?”

“They’re not answering.” He started sobbing. “I’m so scared. I’ve never felt this type of pain before. It hurts so bad, Danny.”

Shay hadn’t called him that since they were in elementary school. He hadn’t heard him cry like that since then, either. Suddenly all thoughts of his plans for tonight vanished from his mind. “Shay, listen to me. Hang up and call 911.”

“NO!” His voice rattled the speakers. “Please, no! I don’t want to go alone.”

“Alright. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

Another sniffle. “What about your date.”

Daniel smiled even though the other boy couldn’t see it. “Right now, she doesn’t matter. You’re more important.”

After he had calmed him down, Daniel hung up and made a beeline for the auditorium doors. Fresh air hit him as he frantically pulled his keys from his pocket. Suddenly a strong arm grabbed him.

“Where the hell are you going?” Cheryl’s face was scrunched up in confusion. “You just going to leave without me?”

He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry but something urgent has come up and I have to go.”

“What? Why? What’s the emergency?”

“It’s Shay. Something’s wrong and I have to--”

She cut him off with a sharp slice of her hand. “Wait, stop. You’re ditching our date because of him? You always do this shit, Daniel. Every time we make plans, you drop everything the moment he wags his finger. He’s obsessed with you!”

Her voice echoed across the parking lot and other people turned to stare. Right now, he didn’t give a flying fuck. His best friend needed him.

“I’m sorry but I gotta go take him to the Er.” He found his car and flung open the door. Cheryl gripped the handle and prevented him from closing it. “Let go,” he said.

“Why should I? Shay’s faking it, obviously. He’s just jealous. I mean let’s face it, the dude’s a weirdo.”

Daniel’s blood turned icy. He pried Cheryl’s fingers from the handle and flung them away from him. Her glittered eyes widened as he slammed the door shut. “Don’t you ever say anything like that about him ever again.”

She sucked air in through her teeth. “If you leave, then we’re done. It’s either him or me, Daniel. You can’t have both.”

Daniel turned the keys in the ignition. “Fine. Then I choose him.”

He could still hear her swearing as he sped out of the parking lot.

~~

Shay barely registered the next few hours. He had crawled into the kitchen and was a shivering mess on the floor as he spat out bile. The pain grew worse by the second and he didn’t even hear the lock click as Daniel ran into the room.

He remembered being picked up and loaded into the truck. Daniel fished around in the glove box and pulled out some napkins to wipe the sweat and bile from his face. The drive to the hospital seemed like hours. Daniel had carried him into the room while he cried and clung to his shirt. He was getting snot all over his nice suit. They wouldn’t let him return it now.

“My friend needs help! He’s in extreme pain.”

A bright light shone in his eyes as a nurse came up to them. “What’s wrong with him?”

“If I knew that, I would have done something about it already.” Shay had never heard Daniel so angry before.

“Calm down, sir. I’m only trying to help. Let’s get him some Xrays.”

The nurse wheeled in a gurney and he felt Daniel lay him on it gingerly. “Don’t leave me,” he whispered.

Daniel shushed him and grabbed his hand. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

The last thing he remembered was a nurse inserting an IV into his arm before he passed out.

~~

The first thing Shay registered when he woke up was that he felt like absolute shit. His throat was so dry that it felt like someone had dumped sand down his gullet. The right side of his abdomen was tender but nowhere near the pain that he had felt earlier. He heard the beep of a heart monitor nearby.

Ah, so he was in a hospital then.

A loud snore startled him. He looked over to see Daniel pressed into his side. So that’s why he was so warm. Daniel’s leg was slung over his own and one of his arms was pressed into his side. Drool was running down his mouth and pooling on the pillow they were currently sharing. Shay reached out and wiped his mouth with his thumb. He poked the deep pocket of his dimple and Daniel’s eyes flew open.

He smiled sleepily when he saw who it was. “Hey, you.” He took a deep breath and scooted closer. “They need to make these beds bigger.”

“It’s not the bed’s fault you’re so enormous.”

He laughed. “If you’re insulting me, I guess that means you feel better.”

“Not really. What happened? I barely remember anything.”

“Your appendix burst. I carried you here as fast as I could, but the doctor said if I had been any slower, you wouldn’t have made it.” Daniel’s eyes started watering. “They wouldn’t let me in the operating room. It took me hours to contact your parents and by the time they got here, there still wasn’t any news.”

Shay ran a hand up his face and Daniel covered it with his own. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your date with my lousy organs.”

“Dude, shut up. I could care less about that. The only thing that matters is you’re ok.”

Shay filed that away to obsess over later. But right now he was tired and all he wanted to do was revel in the feeling of Daniel curled up next to him. It had taken him almost dying for him to get what he had been craving all his life. He wanted to pretend, even if it was just for a few moments, that Daniel was his and that there would be no more Cheryls.

But that was just a pipedream. Daniel would never in a million years be his--no matter how much he was in love with him.