#the nerf house made me do it

[gayemoji]

oh yeah okay go ahead kiss a ninE year old what the fuck !!! WHAT THE FUCK !!!

whatever credit i was giving chase before null and void i never said it

[finelinevogue]

life goes on

summary - just a tiny blurb of post tour engagement talk

a/n : this contains a very brief mention of cancer, so be aware of that xx

word count : ~1k

pairing : boyfriend!harry x reader

The sun was setting just down past the mountains.

It had been a busy day and everyone was exhausted. You had all gone on a couple of yachts out to sea to dolphin watch and then come back and swam in the sea onshore.

After the end of tour, Harry had invited all of his family out to spend a month together in his gorgeous Italian house in the countryside. It was perfect for everyone, because it had endless garden land, a hot tub and a large swimming pool. It was a great house for the kids.

Harry’s family’s children were hear, and could be currently heard running around the garden with Nerf guns Uncle Harry had bought them to play with.

Currently, everyone was sat outside on the large patio area. There were bean bags, L-shaped sofas and other various comfortable chairs for people to sit on and none were spare.

“H?” Gemma asked, “Where’s Y/N?”

“Toilet I think.” Harry answered.

“When are you and Y/N getting married then, H?” Harry’s uncle, Dave, asked.

Harry laughed in shock and a few people cheered to that idea.

A lot of people were nursing beers and a few others with various cocktails they’d made for themselves. You had helped Harry set up a help-yourself bar for everyone to make whatever they wanted.

Harry himself had a Corona in hand, with a lime in the top because apparently that’s the best way you take it.

“Oh, let them be!” Anne shushed her brother up. “They’re still in their honeymoon phase.”

Anne watched as her son got all shy, blushing as he thought about how in love he was with you. Anne smiled, knowing her boy would always be happy with you by his side.

“They’ve been in that phase for six years now. The poor girl will run if he doesn’t ask soon.” Dave piped up again.

“Y/N can ask me too, y’know.” Harry suggested, shrugging his shoulders.

“We all know you’re too romantic to let Y/N do that.” Someone else piped up, to which they all agreed.

“Heyy!” Harry protested, but deep down he knew they were right.

Harry had always wanted to get to ask you the big question. Being engaged and looking forward to his own wedding has been something he has looked forward to, ever since watching his first romcom.

Harry won’t settle for giving you anything less than the perfect proposal.

“I do want to be alive to see you get married, love.” Harry’s nan, Marge, chimed in, making everyone laugh.

“You will be, nan. I promise.” Harry held up his beer in promise to his nan. “And anyways, why aren’t you all nagging at Gem - whom is also still not married.”

Harry knew exactly why.

“Don’t believe in marriage, H.” Gem said. “Plus Michal says it’s too difficult choosing a ring.”

“That is true.” Michal nodded and agreed, making Gemma laugh and cuddle closer into his side on the sofa.

Harry looked at them and then towards the house, missing you after only two minutes. He wondered where you were.

“Have you gone ring shopping yet, H?” One of Harry’s aunts, Linda, asked.

“Yes.” Harry shot his head back around to face the conversation.

“Is it going to break the bank?” Dave asked.

“Nothing could dent that boys bank, Dave.” Linda laughed.

Harry smiled along, knowing the ring safely tucked away in his suitcase was just what you had asked for. It had been a reasonable price and it’s beauty outshone everything else.

“Y/N trusts me to pick out the right ring.”

“Good lad.” Dave nodded onto Harry.

“Excuse me a minute.”

Harry put his beer down on the floor and left his family to go in search of you.

He wandered into the house and because it was very open, he was able to tell you weren’t downstairs. He shouted your name up the stairs, but no one responded.

“Babe?” He called again, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

He was getting worried now and ran up the stairs two at a time. He wandered down the hall and straight into your shared bedroom.

No one was on the bed and no one was in the bathroom.

“Y/N?” Harry shouted again, a little more sternly this time. “Where the fuck is—”

He looked in and out of all bedrooms upstairs and the bathrooms too, but no sign of you.

As Harry rushed back down the stairs and opened the front door. He was ready to shout your name again when he saw you sitting the hammock by the front garden gate alone.

He closes the front door and furrowed his eyebrows as he walked quickly over to you.

“Baby? Where have you been?” He asked, dodging in between the cars as made his way to you.

You looked up at him and smiled, but it was one that did not reach your eyes.

Harry watched as you brought a small tissue up to your noses and wipe underneath. He put together, as he moved closer towards you, that you had been crying.

“Baby…” Harry said softly, coming down to crouch in front of you.

You swallowed a lump in the back of your throat and rolled your eyes at your own emotions. Harry was nothing but patient with you, waiting for you to gather up whatever thoughts you wanted to say.

Harry stayed crouched down in front of you, hands clasping yours to stop you from picking away at the skin by your nails - a nasty habit he was constantly telling you off for.

“It’s my mum. She’s back in hospital.” You sadly smiles, watching Harry’s face drop too.

Harry let out a tut and a heavy sigh, sagging his head in sadness.

“Cancer came back. She’s been in for a month and has only just told me.” Your words started to come out in splutters towards the end of your sentence as you began to cry again. “Fuck, m’sorry.”

Harry popped his head at your apology. “No, don’t you start apologising for things that don’t need an apology. Don’t care that this is celebrating post tour. All I care about is you and seeing that smile on your face. If you haven’t got a smile today, that’s okay but we’ll work together to put one back there again.”

You nodded your head in understanding.

Harry moved to sit next to you, laying you both down on the hammock. Harry sat so his feet still touched the floor, but you moved so your whole body was on the hammock and you could tuck yourself into his side. Harry rocked the two of you slowly and rubbed his hand up and down your back, whilst you closed your eyes and listened to the sound of Harry’s heartbeat.

“We can go see her when we’re back, can’t we?” You asked.

“Of course. Why do y’ask?”

“Just checking, in case you had music plans or anything.”

“Baby. You know I’m yours now for the foreseeable future.”

“I know.”

“We can go see her every day if you want.” Harry suggested, “And also. I don’t care what you say, I’m paying for any extra treatment and care to make sure she’s as comfortable as she can be.”

“Ha—”

“No I’m not arguing with you on this, love.”

“But…”

“Yeah, your butt is lovely, I know.” You could hear his smirk as he patted your ass lightly with his hand.

That put a little smile on your face anyways.

“Thank you.” You said softly.

“It’ll be your bank account someday soon too.”

And you smiled again, knowing the prospect of an engagement was soon approaching.

[gingiesworld]

Nerf Wars (Drabble)

Wanda Maximoff x GN! Reader

Warnings : Fluff

18+ MINORS

Word Count: 993

AN: Per my girlfriend’s request for a mega fluffy one shot

Taglist : @mothertoall2 @natashamaximoff-69 @canvascoloredin @wizardofstories @louxbloom @wandanats-goodgirl @the-ox-fan20 @ladyqueenxoxo @aemilia19 @wandaromamoff69 @mfd-101 @dorabledewdroop @marvelogic @dopeyouth @karsonromanoff @bimad (if you want to be added to my taglist, please DM me or comment)

Wanda had her hands full with the twins and Y/N, although Y/N was supposed to act like an adult, they never really did when they were alone with the twins, so every time Wanda came home from work, the house always seemed to be a mess, she would find the three of them doing something out of sorts.

“I’m going to get you back!” She heard Y/N yell as she opened the door, sighing as she heard the twins squeal and laugh. She dreaded seeing what she had walked into today, but she knew that this time with the twins was important to Y/N since their work took them away from their family for long periods of time.

“Nooo!” She heard Billy squeal, dreading to see what state the living room was in. She sighed when she stood in the doorway, the chairs and sofa were up turned as the three had their nerf guns out, firing at each other from either side of the room.

“We’re unstoppable!” Tommy yelled as he managed to get Y/N in the eye.

“Ow!” Y/N cried out as they took cover, only then aiming their gun above the chair and aiming blindly at the twins, not seeing as the two decided to sneak out from behind the sofa and made their way towards Y/N. The two stopped in their tracks to see Wanda, who only pressed her finger to her lips, silencing them before motioning for one of the guns which the twins gave up without question. She made her way to Y/N, standing over them with the gun aimed at their head.

“I thought I said no more nerf wars in the living room?” She questioned with a raised brow, making Y/N look at her, their eyes wide.

“Hello love, how was work?” They asked her sweetly, making her smirk at their sudden change of attitude.

“I warned you, you get the twins riled up and they get too excited to go to bed.” She told them, raising her brow as Y/N put their gun down, the twins watching with growing smirks as Y/N’s smile dropped as Wanda kept the gun aimed at them.

“I know but we wanted to have fun.” They tried, making her shake her head before she shot them in the forehead, making them groan before she took the nerf guns from them.

“I want this living room back to the way I had it in the time I get the twins ready for bed.” She ordered them as they sighed.

“But that’s not going to be too long though.” They whined as they rose to their feet.

“They’re both too excited right now, so yes, it will take some time because they have got to calm down.” She told them before she turned to the twins. “I want you both in your pajamas and teeth brushed and in bed. Now.” She told them, watching as the twins both ran up the stairs, smiling as she turned to see Y/N working on getting the living room back to the way it was. Once she had hid the nerf guns, she made her way to the twins bedroom, seeing the two of them tucked in bed.

“Please don’t be mad mama.” Billy spoke sadly as Wanda sat on the edge of his bed.

“I’m not mad.” She reassured them. “I just don’t want your O’pa to know that I love seeing you all like this, it makes it more fun for me too.” She smirked, not noticing that Y/N was leaning against the doorframe.

“We love it when we play our games with O’pa.” Tommy told her. “It helps to forget that they will be leaving us again soon.”

“I know you both miss them when they’re not here, but they make the world a safer place.” Wanda told them.

“But what if we lose them?” Billy asked as Wanda sighed, not really knowing how to answer him.

“You’re never going to lose me.” Y/N spoke up, sitting on the edge of Tommy’s bed. “You three are the reason why I fight my hardest to come home, you three are my home.” They sighed before they decided to tell them. “Besides, I’m not going on missions anymore.”

“What?” Wanda questioned as Y/N nodded.

“Yeah, I spoke with Steve and told him I can’t risk it, not when I have my family here, so I’m going to be training the new recruits and then I will be coming home to you three every day.” They told them.

“So, you’re not leaving us again?” Tommy asked as Y/N shook their head no.

“I’m not leaving you again. I’m going to be here, I’m going to be there cheering you both on at your games and decathlon meets.” They told them before they turned to Wanda. “I have missed too much and I don’t want to miss anymore, I want to be here for you guys and I’m scared that one day I might not make it home if I went on another mission.” Both Billy and Tommy moved from their beds and dived in their arms, hugging them tightly before they tucked them both in bed, placing a gentle kiss upon their heads before they joined Wanda in their own room. “I’m sorry I never told you, I was waiting for Steve to speak with Fury and for the decision to be set in stone.”

“I don’t care about that.” Wanda whispered, resting her hands on their shoulders. “You’re going to be home, with the twins and with me, and that’s all I have ever wanted.” She leaned up and gave them a soft kiss, finally free of the gnawing feeling that something might go wrong and she might lose the love of her life.

[gallusrostromegalus]

AEIWAM: Which character(s) did you change the most, and which did you change the least?

Hmm. It's hard to say is the "most" different from their canon incarnation, because once a small change is made, they're forever different, but in terms of HOW they've been changed:

1: Smash The Vase Of Canon And Make A Mosaic From The Pieces I took the stated background of the character, worked out what Priorities/Motivations/Skills a character with that background would actually HAVE, then approached the remaining canon events with those motivations, which seems to result in a character totally different from, yet still recognizable as, the original Tousen, Unohana, Komamura, Yamamoto, Byakuya, Ulquiorra, Jugram, Gerard Valkyrie, Ichibei Hyosube, Oetsu Nimiya, Kirio Hikifune, Kon, Giselle Gwelle

2: Yeah They've Always Been Like That This character's background is a fuckin' VOID (or extremely stupid) so I had to make up a past for them to explain Why They're Like That, so while the character didn't really change, the new context totally changes how they're read Gin, Matsumoto, Soi Fon, Mayuri, Aizen, Yhwach, Urahara, Yoruichi, Isshin, Coyote, Hallibel, Yammy, Tenjiro Kirinji, Bambietta, Candice Catnipp, Meninas McAllon, Lillotto Lamperd, Shutara Senjumaru

3: Come To The Front Of The Class This character that previously only existed as a side, background or in extended source material now has a load-bearing role in the plot Kakiyo, Kiganjo, Chikane Iba, Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Wonderweiss, James Superfan, Akon, Love Aikawa

4: This Is Not My Beautiful House (The Same As It Ever Was) This character is probably still largely recognizable as the original but because they're now living in a different universe, they're a different person: Ichigo, Chad, Orihime, Rukia, Renji, Uryuu, The Rest of The Captains and Lieutenants

5: Death To The Patriarchy: This character would be doing a SHITLOAD more in the story if Kubo didn't keep forgetting/nerfing/killing his Queer and Female Cast: LITERALLY EVERY FEMALE CHARACTER, but esp: the female captains, the femritter, Ikkaku and Yumichika, Yoruichi and Urahara (T4T), Chizuru, MASAKI KUROSAKI, KANAE KATAGIRI

6: I Just Think They're Neat This character is so fun to write they get more page space, and change other characters more than themselves Don Kanonji, Shinji, Yachiru, Mimihagi, As Nodt, Gimmjow

7: YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS I wholesale made this character up to fill a void in the Plot Tama Nikuya, She Who Rules The Sky By The Mandate Of Heaven, Quincy Freishutz, Kenpachi Tokagero, Miss Believe

8: There Are None Above Me In Heaven Or On Earth: After Smashing the vase of Canon, I realized that this character i has the strength to pull together like eight metanarrative themes while carrying like, Half the Worldbuilding Zaraki Kenpachi

[missmielyhoran]

Little Helpers

Harry needs a bit of help, and who's better than his two little gremlins...

90sRockstar!Harry × Reader

A/N- Happens wayyyyyyy long in the future, like at least 10 years after they meet. Harry and reader are in their mid 30s

Only Angel Masterlist // Masterlist

*****

It was your birthday.

And Harry was struggling.

You've been out in New York for last week or so for work while he has been staying home with kids.

To say they're pain in the ass is an understatement, but he made his bed (or hot tub), so he had to lay in it.

Harry was the "fun" parent, to say the least, cause he can't say no, and those gremlins even tho they're only four years old are way too good at getting things their way.

Meanwhile, you knew how to shut down something you knew they didn't need. Like the large Nerf gun, Harry got them in secret and then had to listen to you yell at him while those two giggled from the stairs in timeout.

But that wasn't the problem right now.

The problem was that the house was mess, the kitchen was mess, it was your birthday and he doesn't know how to cook, clean all at the same time while taking care of kids who are already running around in backyard.

It was times like these he was amazed by how his mother, and even you did everything so efficiently. Never once did he saw a thing out of place when you stayed with kids, and he had to go out.

(Maybe cause you made the kids clean up after themselves while he sees one look of their puppy eyes and melts)

He took a deep breath in and called for the kids, "Jack! Soph! come back inside" He yelled, which caught the twins' attention. Their little head snapped towards him, and soon enough, they were running in giggling still in their pjs.

Harry shook his head and walked back inside and saw them talking to themselves. They were literally each others best friends, always attached to the hip, partners in crime, and he hoped they're like this when they grow up.

"Kids, kids and kids!" He announced dramatically. Twins giggled again, "There is only two of us, dada. Why are you saying kids three times?" They looked at each other and laughed again at Harry's trying to be mad face.

"Hey smartasses listen to me." He flicked their head lightly, "It's your maa's birthday today"

The twins' eyes went wide, and then Soph jumped, screaming "birthday" making Harry laugh. "That means we will get cake?" Jack asked his dad.

"You will if you help me" Harry shrugged, "Whoever helps me out the most will get the bigger piece!" Harry said.

Twins looked at each other again and then their dad and nodded their head quickly, "I will help you" Jack said, "Me too" Soph said in tow.

"Well then, let's start with this room. Pick up all your toys and everything else and put them where they should be." He said, walking towards the kitchen sink. It was an open plan, so he could still see the kids while cleaning up the kitchen.

He looked at the clock, and it was still 4 hours left to your arrival. He could do it.

He hopes he can do it.

*****

Harry was surprised and amused when he looked up and saw two heaving toddlers sitting on the ground.

"Well done babies, you did such a great job" He said, squatting down to their level and kissing both of their heads.

"We know" They said together. Harry laughed at that cause even if the kids looked like him, their personality was yours. Sassy, witty and smart for their age.

"We put everything in different boxes so you could see who did more work, and my box is the most filled" Jackson said cockily and Soph rolled her eyes.

"I'm just going to steal more from dad's plate" she said without any care as much as Harry would like to think otherwise it was true. He lost his right to have his own food when he become father and he's okay with it (to certain level). Harry still very much amused with their banter over cake slice, goes to the kitchen, and fetches both of them their water bottles along with a bowl of fruits.

"Why don't you two drink some water and eat all those fruits and then come help me bake the cake?" Harry asked them immediately, getting nods as an answer from hungry babies.

He took out all the ingredients while the kids ate and arranged them, so it was easier for kids to "help" him.

Soon enough, they were all done with their snacks and were standing on the large wooden stool beside Harry, watching him make the cake. Both of them have large chefs hat on and custom matching aprons Harry got for all of them for when they would cook together on Sunday mornings.

He was in the middle of cracking egg when Sophie started to fuss, "Dada I want to do it too!" She said, pouting.

Harry brought the bowl in front of her and stood behind her holding her hand, which had egg in it, and then cracked it open and put it in the bowl. Sophie giggled, finding amusement in cracking eggs, which made Jack feel left out so Harry did the same with him too.

The kids helped him as much as they could, with bringing him stuff, and finally, the cake was in oven.

Jack and Soph sat in front of the oven watching the cake like hawk cause in their words, "we want it to be perfect like maa makes it". Harry cleaned the rest of the kitchen.

"C'mon babies bath time." He announced which much to kids displeasure meant they had to move away from the oven. Harry literally had to drag them upstairs with Soph in his left arm and Jack in right.

"You two are getting heavy for me to pick you up and roam around" he said, groaning at the feeling of back ache rising.

"No, you're just getting old, dada." The twins laughed. Harry rolled his eyes at them and flicked their heads.

"In the bath. Your maa will have my head if you two are dirty" He said, starting the warm bath of them.

*****

There have been times Harry felt proud of himself, and right now, as he watches the clean house, clean kids, and a not burned cake, he feels proud of himself.

Kids were watching TV in the living room when they heard the car pull up in the driveway, and everyone was set on their mission.

Harry quickly lit up all the candles. Meanwhile, kids stood in the position near the door with paper confetti in their hands to throw at you.

Meanwhile, you feel exhausted as you get out of the car. The fashion week of this year was hectic. You were so busy you didn't even remember it was your birthday until you opened he door.

Colorful confetti flew on your face as you heard "happy birthday" in unison. Your kids stood near the door with the biggest smile on their faces with your husband behind them with cake in his hand.

"Omg, thank you so much my little munchkin" you said, sitting down on your knees and pulling twins into tight hugs. All exhaustion and stress were lost as you saw your favorite people.

"Hey, I'm also here." You heard Harry whine, making three of you laugh.

"C'mon maa, we want cake!" Jack said, first making you laugh. You kissed both of their cheeks and stood up, walking towards your husband.

You pecked his lips and smiled, "Thank you, baby." you said with a warm smile matching his. "My absolute pleasure angel" He said, kissing you again.

"Those gremlins helped me, or I was ready to have a panic attack this morning," he said, chuckling.

You brought the cake to the kitchen, Harry stood beside you his arms around your waist, and kids stood on the stool on your other side.

"Maa make a wish!" Soph said. You nodded and wished for your family to stay just like this forever and blew the candles. Jack and Soph clapped while Harry leaned down and kissed your cheeks.

Cake slices were cut and put in plate for all four of you and as you and Harry stood in the kitchen with your head on his shoulder watching your kids banter over who's slice is bigger you never felt more content.

This is all you ever wanted.

*****

I think they're my favorite couple after Harry and Autumn.

Taglist- @tenaciousperfectionunknown @that-daydream-look @harryspirate @tiaamberxx @lomlhstyles @vmpellie @sunshinemoonsposts @jayde515 @yeehawbrothers @sleutherclaw @ikea2-0 @thechaoticjoy @astridcommings @grapejuicebluesrry @gxbiqs

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[twiixr4kidz]

Hii I was wondering if you could make Seven evil exes x reader and it's like their first anniversary hehe thanks!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

I AM SO SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I HOPE U ENJOY IT ANYWAYS

matthew patel

he's been preparing for MONTHS

he wants everything to be absolutely perfect

you're gonna come home to the house being covered in rose petals and balloons

the smell of a fresh, homemade meal wafting through the halls

the sound of a hot bath being drawn, filled to the brim with the most delicious-smelling bubble bath

and matthew, with a small gift in hand

in that box may or may not be a specific piece of jewelry you'd been eyeing for like, ever :3

matthew LISTENS

lucas lee

he invites you over and hands you a fancy outfit, perfect for a night out

he tells you to take all the time you need to get ready while he does the same

once you're ready, he will not shut up about how fucking incredible he thinks you look

and then, it's time for the bougiest dinner you've ever eaten

the sky is the limit, and lucas is more than willing to pay for whatever you want

he even gets the most expensive champagne

AND DID I MENTION IT WAS A PRIVATE DINING ROOM???

todd ingram

spoiler alert, he's been writing a song about you since he first began having feelings for you

definitely sits you down beforehand to plan something, except he doesn't tell you that it's for your anniversary

he wakes you up with breakfast in bed and a fresh pitcher of your favorite flowers on your bedside table

he lets you sleep in, but not TOO late - you have a very busy day ahead, full of the most stomach-churningly sweet romantic activities ever (todd's a little bit of a cornball but in the best way possible)

roxie richter

roxie gets so excited the night before that she literally keeps you up until midnight just so she can scream "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY" and pop confetti canons that somehow?? spawned into her hands??

she does let you sleep eventually, but she wakes you up as soon as she sees fit

the entire house is fucking COVERED in the tackiest party city decorations

for breakfast? a cake. that she made. at 3am. (she didn't sleep)

she also wanted to do something fun for your anniversary... by fun i mean a nerf gun fight

plus side, if you win, you get to pick dinner!!

kyle katayanagi

at first, kyle sort of brushes off your anniversary

trust me, he cares. he cares A LOT. but he literally has no idea what to do for an anniversary so him brushing it off is his way of saying "WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO"

the day of, he'll invite you over without saying much

when you get to his house, he (nervously) greets you with some hand-picked flowers and your favorite drink

he's the kind of guy to get you one of those little gift baskets that has things like your favorite snacks, a movie, a comfy pair of pj pants, a stuffed animal, and a little giftcard

at the very bottom, tucked into the folds of the pj pants, is a letter where he expresses how lucky he is to have you in his life

ken katayanagi

ken's a big planner but a bad celebrator

similarly to his brother, he also isn't really sure about what to do for your anniversary

he's probably going to keep it on the simpler side because he doesn't want to overwhelm you

he pays attention to the things you say you like and you want, and he'll pick out a couple that he knew you really wanted

and of course, he's going to treat you to dinner because what kind of gentleman would he be if he didn't??

gideon graves

i've said it once and i'll say it again, gideon LOVES to spoil you

he gives you gifts all the time, and your anniversary is no different

the gifts that he gives on your anniversary are one the more expensive side

he either makes or buys all of your favorite foods for you

AND, when you thought he already did the most, he surprises you with two tickets for a trip to a dream location of your choice, including plenty of fun activities, lots of sight seeing, and LOTS of rest n relaxation

[poppitron360]

Hot take but the whole “who is the most powerful demigod” debate is stupid.

Percy is not the most powerful demigod. Nico is not the most powerful demigod. Leo- despite vaporising a primordial goddess with his bare hands- is NOT the most powerful demigod.

The whole POINT of the Seven is that they’re all meant to be EQUALS in power. Or at least that’s what they are in theory, but in a desperate attempt to keep Percy as the main character they nerfed everyone else.

They each have unique abilities, which complement and contradict each other- working together as a team. They all have their own specific set of skills that they bring to the table. Neither should be more important than the other.

Yes Percy almost killed the goddess of misery with her own poison. Yes Nico can kill a person with a touch. But Hazel prevented Gaia from rising another seventy years. Piper can charmspeak literal gods. Jason defeated Krios single-handedly (we never see it but we’re told about it). Frank had to be given a physical handicap from the UNIVERSE ITSELF for being too powerful. Reyna has two ferocious robot lie-detector dogs, lived on Circe’s island so knows some magic and shit, lived with Pirates for a while, single-handedly ran CJ for eight months while trying to keep Octavian off her back AND led the legion into battle when the time came- not to mention the fact that she can basically amplify anyone’s strength/lend them hers. We don’t even have TIME to dive into all the times Annabeth has been seriously OP. Plus, Leo has a 60-tonne fire-breathing dragon, is the first fire user in nearly four centuries AND defeated Gaia.

I would’ve loved it if they’d all played equal part in the final battle against Gaia instead of Leo doing all the work. While I’m not complaining that Rick made my favourite character the most important in the end, I kinda think that if you’ve got a concept of Seven demigods each with their own role to play you should actually make their roles all equal- not just wait ‘til you find out who the fan favourite is and then give him the most significant job.

GIVE EACH MEMBER OF THE SEVEN EQUAL NUMBER OF POV CHAPTERS IN THE BOOKS PLEASE.

Perhaps it’s my neuros diverging, but I HATE it when things aren’t mathematically equal or don’t line up correctly. Fold a piece of paper in half all wonky-like in front of me I dare you.

The Lost Hero? Flawless! Each character gets two chapters, and it all rotates in the same cycle until we end up back with who we started. Admittedly Jason gets two extra chapters at the end but that just means we can give Piper and Leo more chapters in the other books. Son Of Neptune? Great! Percy gets a few more chapters in ratio to Frank and Hazel, though. Mark Of Athena?… All the Greek demigods get a POV! That’s fine! But where’s our book dedicated to just the Roman characters? House Of Hades? FANTASTIC! Everyone in the Prophecy gets a POV.

But wait! There’s more! Now there’s two new characters who need POVs, making the fandom have to write out a whole “the seven plus Nico and Reyna” thing even though the series is literally called Heroes of Olympus and so you could just call them that but that’s besides the point. Controversial, but I don’t mind the lack of Percabeth POVs in Blood of Olympus. We kinda already know a lot about them already and I wanna give my other pookies a time to shine. But the fact that Frank and Hazel only get TWO books with POVs meanwhile Leo and Piper get FOUR-

As much as I love them all, I just think that nine characters in five books might’ve been Rick biting off more than he can chew. We know this because of how hastily they had to wrap up Leo’s arc and the “oath to keep with a final breath” line in the Prophecy in the last chapter, and how Frank, Hazel and Reyna don’t get completed arcs until TOA.

But anyway, I think that “Percy is the most powerful”- while I know it’s an opinion most of the fandom share- is actually erasing the whole concept of HOO. Seven characters, equally powerful, for different reasons. And if Rick had just stuck to that concept, it would’ve been much more stylistically pleasing (with an equal number of chapters for each character) and be able to shine a light on characters like Frank and Hazel who are kinda pushed to the sides in the books. It made the final battle kinda anticlimactic just to have the Lost Trio and mostly Leo defeat Gaia, and just kinda made the ending underwhelming imo.

[rae-writes]

Hey, I've had this idea for a little bit involving the obey me characters and wanted to do it, but I'm lazy as f*ck so maybe you can because your writing is very good.

I've just been imagining this but what if the obey me brothers and Mc had, like, a Prank War senerio, like maybe Lucifer vs the anti-Lucifer league and at some point there's a nerf gun war (and it's very dramatic) I don't know, just thought it might be funny. :)

I WAS ON THIS SO FUCKING FAST- LUCIFER VS ANTI-LUCIFER LEAGUE LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The iconic western duel music playing from Mammon's phone in the background almost had you breaking character, but somehow you managed to keep a straight face and raise your [nerf] gun higher.

"Mc?" Lucifer sat with Barbatos, Lord Diavolo, Solomon, and Simeon- all having been in a meeting (read: tea time) together.

"I'm sorry Lucifer..." You broke out into a grin, not being able to take the sight of your demon accomplices poking their heads out from behind the entryway, effectively making the dramatic moment shatter with your laughter.

Satan, Belphie, Mammon, and [a very much bribed] Levi stepped out into the common room with various complaints of you ruining the surprise attack and/or theatrical flair (to which you promptly ignored in favor of laughing harder).

"I just wanna say-" you cocked the plastic gun, aiming it in their direction, "I was promised pudding." and then you fired, hitting Lucifer square in the forehead, before shooting again and hitting Diavolo in the chest.

"ATTAAAACK!"

Hoots and hollers echoed off the walls as the House of Lamentation turned into a chaotic air soft range; Team Lucifer was now firing back with magic while the Anti-Lucifer League + Co was barrel-rolling across the floor and vaulting over furniture as they frantically shot the foam bullets you were all equipped with.

Truly, you didn't know exactly what the hell was going on for a while, only that Satan was going one-on-one with Lucifer, Belphie was taking shots at Diavolo from behind the couch, Mammon had the misfortune of being paired with Barbatos, and Levi was taking on Solomon (Simeon chose to sit on the sidelines and discretely help you).

"Mammon!" your over the top cry got everyone's attention- both the magic and bullets stopped flying as they watched you run to Mammon (who was sprawled on the ground) in amusement.

"M-mc," the second born's performance was even more dramatic than yours, "I feel cold...I t-think m'dyin, mc. U-use Goldy at least t-three times a day for m-me."

Practically in tears from laughing, you quickly tugged Mammon's body up to shield you from Solomon's attack, "LOVE YOU! THANKS!" and made your way to Satan to begin shooting at Lucifer again.

Lucifer is relentless with his magic attacks, not even blinking when you barely managed to dodge, even going so far as chuckling when Diavolo and Barbatos joined him- having defeated Belphie and Mammon.

(Belphie ended up tiring himself out and just stopped mid-roll, allowing Barbatos to land his attack. The seventh born just gave a thumbs up and went limp on the floor so he could just lay there and watch the rest of the game play out).

The five of you were all that was left when Solomon and Levi called a tie ("Shut up, Mammon! I might be a good shooter, but it's kind of hard to land a blow when he's firing shit at me that's breaking apart into more attacks!"), making the competition even more tense. It was evenly paced for at least three minutes before Barbatos withdrew.

"Give up now, Lucifer," Satan sent you a subtle nod, "Or suffer the consequences."

"You couldn't even beat me by yourself. How do you expect to win with Diavolo by my side?"

The largest magic attack that's been used this entire game came from said demon, directed right at Satan with a 100% certainty of landing.

That is, until it slammed into you instead.

Your body flew a couple feet back, skidding across the hardwood upon landing. The entire room went silent as the two opposing members rushed forward with your name falling from their mouth.

Lucifer reached you first, lifting your head to check for injuries softly, "Mc? Does anything hurt?"

"Mc, I'm so sorry-!"

You gripped Lucifer's wrist, tugging weakly (as if you had no strength), "Luci..fer.."

The first born leaned down, conveniently missing the bullet that hit Diavolo's shoulder. "What hurts?!" he was so uncharacteristically worried- it almost made you feel bad. Almost.

"Long live the Anti-Lucifer League."

Satan landed a hit right on the back of Lucifer's neck and a deafening cheer erupted from your other team members. It was all celebration and laughter and recounting the night's highlights until you let out a hiss after trying to sit up.

"That actually did hurt, though, can someone help me up? I might've sprained something....again."

"I'm so, so sorry!"

"It's alright, Lord Diavolo- it was all part of the plan-"

"-getting injured?"

"...Not that part, but winning definitely was. Can I have my pudding now?"

[greenaswildfire]

I get the feeling they decided to nerf Alicent and Helaena on purpose, so they could taunt part of the audience who likes the "more womanly" type of character.

Something like "oh, are you tired of girlboss characters like Rhaenyra? there you have it, your fragile woman kind of character you like so much!" and then turned them into two bland pacifists instead of soft power players they were in F&B.

There is a quote I see frequently on social media but have no idea who said it:

You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you’re capable of great violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful, you’re harmless. Important difference.

Alicent and Helaena were peaceful in F&B. Helaena transitions to harmless after B&C, but she had a reason for it.

In HotD? Both are turned to harmless women. Helaena refuses to fight because prophecy, refuses to burn innocents by sacrificing her life and her Jaehaera's, c'mon girl, you're also innocent in all this! It's absolutely stupid to imagine that Rhaenyra would let them live, mainly because by Rhaenyra's precedent as queen, any House could back Helaena and Jaehaera's claim the moment Rhaenyra refused to bend to said House whims.

She would never let them live, she could never. And even if Rhaenyra refuses to do anything, certainly Daemon would in her stead. He's kinslaying on behalf of the queen who also happens to be his wife so he gets a pass, right? RIGHT?

I get the feeling they wanted to trap us in this "muahauha see? see? You say you hate girbosses but look at you now, you want show!Helaena, a Sansa-like character to act like a girlboss, hypocrites! Muahau we got you, traitorous women who dare to defend the patriarchy by liking non-girlboss characters!" situation.

But they forget one important thing: Alicent was bold and politically savy in S1, she was butchered because of their rhaenicent thirst and I don't doubt they build up S3 around the mandatory rhaenicent scene (this time it will be a s3x scene in the cell, after Rhaenyra imprisons Alicent for her "treason" since Aegon is no longer in KL). Alicent was a strong female character in her own right, until she wasn't.

And Helaena is just a background character tbh, writers knew they couldn't make her disband to TB side so they made her a Bran 2.0 who poses no threat to TB, but doesn't help TG either. If any female character can't be part of TB, they'll turn her into a third party so they won't pose a threat to "rightful kween". The only time she was treated as equal was by Aemond when he asks her to help protect the family and she refuses.

C'mon, she's neurodivergent but she's clearly capable of thinking that if she refuses to fight, everybody will die way quicker than if she accepts to. She's not stupid (I mean, at least until plot demands it, so her inaction-caused-by-her-visions can benefit cult leader kween's path to apocaliptic prophecy). She could clearly say something like "I will. but I won't fight because you asked me to, I'll fight for my daughter's life, I'll fight for mine." and I'm sure that Aemond would be hurt anyway, but would hide it because he's also determined to protect her.

She wants to live, so does he, and he'll somehow make up for Jaehaerys death by protecting Helaena. Helaena instead of doing the same like the other dreamers (choosing humanity's salvation over anything else) subverts expectations and says f u prophecy, and decides to fight against the prophecy instead of fulfilling it, so she and her daughter can have a chance to live. It would be such a contrast to cult leader, they make parallels in hotd all the time, why couldn't they do the same here with Helaena's plot?

Have you ever played Umineko no Naku koro ni? One of the most important aspects of the game imo it's exactly this "fight against your destiny" thing. How much do you value your life and others's? What are you willing to sacrifice for a slim chance to live and see them again? When your destiny is the same in most universes, should you give up and die instead of keep looking for one where your destiny is different? They could have done the same with Helaena here. Cole for example, he knows that probably he won't make it out alive of this war and yet he fights! Why can't a woman do the same? Fighting against destiny is something that only men do? Or are you telling me that Cole is stupid for not giving up, for relying on this slim hope he has of seeing Alicent again, of living with her and the remaining targtower children after the war?

But again, it's a web weaved by the writers, we can't ask Helaena to fight because she isn't girlboss in hotd. I should despise Alicent, I should despise Helaena, but I won't. If I do, it will only confirm the approach they've taken with these characters and I refuse to be caught on these showrunners's web.

[half-oz-eddie]

When Buck and Tommy decide to move in together, they unintentionally start a prank war.

It starts with them taking silly little digs at each other, like they'll jump out to try and startle each other, or Tommy will be waiting for Buck to come home and then shoot him with a NERF gun as soon as he opens the door, and Buck will get him back by putting a whoopee cushion in his chair.

But the pranks slowly become more elaborate, like Tommy hiding annoying little beeping devices around the house or Buck swapping out Tommy's phone for one made of cake.

One day, Buck tries to set a booby trap and Tommy immediately clocks it and confidently tells Buck he's not winning this prank war.

So then Buck decides to get everyone at the 118 to take part in this prank war, and he has Eddie call Tommy and ask him to stop by the station.

Tommy stops by a few hours later and greets a seemingly confused Eddie who asks him "what're you doing here?"

Tommy's face falls flat. "You called me, man."

"Tommy...that was yesterday."

Now Tommy's confused. "No. You called me three hours ago."

Eddie shakes his head. "I called you yesterday, on the 13th? Today's the 14th." Eddie shows Tommy his phone with the timestamp changed to the 14th.

So Eddie walks off, leaving Tommy totally puzzled.

"Hey, Tommy."

Tommy turns to Hen and asks her today's date.

"It's the 14th." She says matter-of-factly.

Tommy narrows his eyes. "Is...this some kind of joke?"

"Do I look like I have time for jokes?" Hen brushes past him, and Chimney comes to greet him moments later.

"Hey, Howie, what's today's date?"

"It is...Thursday...the 14th." Chimney shows him the date on his watch.

Tommy walks away without another word, then approaches Ravi and asks him the date.

"The 14th. Why?"

"Just double checking."

So, he finally approaches Bobby, who smiles warmly upon seeing him.

"Hey, Tommy. You here to see Buck?"

"Evan shouldn't be here today. It's his day off."

"No...that was yesterday. He's here, he clocked in about a half hour ago."

Tommy softly chuckles. "Is everyone in on some...big prank?"

"What prank?"

"Everybody's telling me today's the 14th, when I know it's the 13th."

Bobby frowns, seemingly worried. "Didn't you just get off a 24 hour shift, Tommy? Maybe you need to go home and get some rest."

"No I...I'm pretty sure I'm...fine." He responds uncertainly, before he searches around for Buck.

"Hey, wha-what're you doing here?"

"Evan, I think something's wrong. I think maybe I...I don't know, suffered a head injury or something. I thought Eddie called me 3 hours ago but he's insisting he called me yesterday. Am I losing it? Did I lose track of time or..."

Buck starts laughing, much to Tommy's dismay. "I got you. You said I'd never win this prank war but I did. I got you!"

Tommy sighed, trying to force back a laugh. Sure, okay, Buck got him good. He really thought he was going crazy.

"This is for making me think I was losing my mind when you put those annoying beeping things everywhere. Now you know how I felt."

After everyone laughs it off and has lunch together, Tommy drives Buck home, thinking about how he's going to get his revenge.

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

It's time for the January Summary!

Let's begin with the (not very surprising) highest win count!

Richarlyson

Surprising absolutely noone, Richas has gotten the most wins, at a whopping 7/26! He's been voted most likely to:

Start the Warrior Cats roleplay

Get banned from the Warrior Cats roleplay

Start the NERF fight

Eat the raw cookie dough

Eat the mud pies

Throw the Wii remote into the wall

Get really weird while sick

That's a lot for a little ovo! You all scare me sometimes.

SunnySideUp

Our favorite princess arrives with an impressive 5/26 polls won! They've been voted most likely to:

Hyperfixate on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Have a "magical destiny" complex

Have the largest stuffed animal collection

Be very into the original (2014 and before) Barbie movies

Collect Loom Bands

That all seems to be very in character for her.

Pepito

I can't deny that Pepito is one of my favorites, but clearly Pepito is yours too, with 4/26 polls being won! Pepito has been voted most likely to:

Have the pet goldfish replaced weekly without noticing

Mistake an opossum for a cat and keep it as a pet

Watch "Hey Bear Sensory" videos for hours on end

Sit 3 inches away from the TV because Pepito wants glasses

We love Pepito here, don't we.

Chayanne

With 3/26 polls won, you can certainly tell he's picked up some habits from his father. Chayanne has been voted most likely to:

Teach the local corvids to rob people

Have a hyperfixation on Mythology

Attempt to fly off the roof with fake wings

I'm glad we all agree here.

Leonarda

I have to be honest, I don't see Leonarda that often. But it seems like you all love them very much, with 3/26 polls won, including being the winner of the FIRST ever poll on this blog! Leo has been voted most likely to:

Try and sneak a muddy stray dog into the house

Ride the family dog into 'battle'

Build the biggest snowman (very closely tied with Dapper!)

I hope her and her 193838 dogs do alright this month.

Dapper

While he hasn't won that many polls, the 2/26 that he has have made complete sense. Dapper has been voted most likely to:

Be like Sid from Toy Story with all of his toys

Actually summon a demon during the slumber party (and the most intense sweep, with over 80% of the votes!)

Who can blame him for needing more juice from his dad, right?

Tallulah

She's only won 1/26 polls, but hooooo boy did you all get heated about that one. Despite the attempts at sweeps, Tallulah has been voted most likely to:

Be a horse girl

Don't listen to the haters, queen. You can be a horse girl if you want.

Empanada

I hope our girl gets more love this month, with only 1/26 wins for January! Empanada was voted most likely to:

Have a stuffed animal net above their bed and have trouble sleeping for fear that it will fall on them in the middle of the night

That one is definitely a mouthful.

Ramón & Pomme

While these two didn't get any wins for January, I have high hopes that they will do just fine for February. After all, they'll have ~58 chances to do so!

God help me.

[therealdisneyfan2319]

First Night | Wanda Maximoff

Summary: Your first time with Wanda :)

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Male Reader

Warnings: Smut (Minors DNI), language, age gap (R is 25, Wanda is 38)

Word Count: 4.3K

Masterlist

A/N: This is a Stripper MILF Wanda fic.  It takes place during the events of Woman of the Night.  Welcome to the Stripper MILF Wanda Cinematic Universe!  

Wanda was definitely not expecting to see you standing in her kitchen at midnight cooking pasta, but there was a first time for everything. 

“Oh god,” she gasped, clutching her chest as she saw you standing in the kitchen.

“Hey babe,” you grinned as you stirred the strands of linguini around the sauce pan, mixing it with the marinara sauce you stole from the cupboard.  “How was work?”

“Work was fine how…how did you get in here?” Wanda asked.  She dropped her duffle bag on the ground, trying to figure out both why and how you were standing in the kitchen.

“Oh, I climbed in through the window.  It was unlocked.”

“Okay, but why?” she asked with a chuckle.

“Am I not allowed to make dinner for my girlfriend?” you asked as you turned off the burner, carefully stirring the pasta so as to not spill any over the side of the pan.

“Grateful as I am, sweetheart, it’s midnight.”  She wrapped her arms around you from behind, resting her chin on your shoulder as she squeezed you close.

“And?”

“Some of us aren’t in our twenties anymore, Y/N.  Some of us like to be asleep before the sun comes up.”

“Do you at least want some food?  I have to say, I think this is my best pasta yet.”

“I told you I’d have you whipped into shape in no time.  I might not be Italian, but I’m still a pretty good cook if I do say so myself.  The boys haven’t gone hungry yet,” she chuckled, tickling your sides as she squeezed you close.

“Hey now!”  You jumped as she tickled you, whipping the spoon out of the pan and speckling the counter with the red sauce.  “Keep that up and no pasta for you!”

“Oh shut up,” Wanda rolled her eyes as she grabbed the spoon from your hand.  “You’re lucky the boys aren’t home this weekend.  They would’ve ambushed you with their nerf guns if they heard someone break into the house.”

“Well if I actually met them…”

“Y/N, I told you.  Not yet.  It’s too soon.” Wanda’s tone hardened as she dished pasta into her bowl.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.  “I want to meet them, Wanda.  You talk about them so much that I feel like I practically know them!  Besides, I think Tommy needs to have his butt whooped at Mario Kart so he’ll stop being a dick to Billy about it.”

Wanda laughed as she sat down at the table, shaking her head.  It had only been two months since the two of you made your relationship official and neither of you were interested in rushing things, Wanda not wanting to introduce a new man into the boys’ lives so soon and you because this was your first real relationship since high school.  Sure, you dated a girl for a few months your junior year of high school and went out on some random dates throughout college, but you’d never had anything this serious before.  While you enjoyed spending time with Wanda, there was still a lot you’d never experienced and you didn’t want to rush in too fast.

“I know.  You’ll meet them, I promise.  I plan on keeping you around, mister.  We’re a package deal.”  She took a bite of the pasta, blowing on it to cool it off before putting a forkful in her mouth.  “You know, that’s actually not half bad.”

“Coming from you, that’s quite the compliment.”  Wanda giggled as she helped herself to another bite.

You offered to take the bowl from Wanda once she was done eating, cleaning up and packing away the leftovers as she went to the living room to pick out a show for the two of you to watch.

“Dick Van Dyke again?  Wanda, have you watched any shows from this century?” you asked only half-jokingly as you plopped down on the sofa next to her.

“I need something mindless after work tonight.  And it’s my house so if you don’t like it-”

“Hey, what’s fine with you is fine with me.”  You put your hands up defensively.

“And I wanna be the big spoon, too.”  She reached her arms out to you, practically begging to snuggle you as she laid on the couch.  You chuckled as you curled up into her chest.  As much as you loved holding Wanda, it was nice being held for a change.  She brought you an immense sense of comfort as she wrapped her arms around you and kissed the top of your head.

The titles rolled by, the screen flashing with black and white images.  You felt Wanda’s body soften up as she immersed herself into the distraction of the sitcom world, the stress of the day melting off her.  Try as you might to concentrate on the show, you were distracted.  Wanda’s body was intoxicating.  Once you got a taste of it you didn’t want to stop.  Snuggling up against her, feeling the way her chest rose and fell with each breath and the way her heart beat up against it, made you want to lose yourself in her presence.  So as she stared at the screen, you began to tease your fingers up and down her thigh.

“Can I help you?” she laughed as she felt your hand moving on her leg.

“Maybe…” You looked up into her stunning green eyes, her pupils dilating as you trailed your fingers higher up her leg.  You could feel her heart pounding wildly in her chest as she looked down at you.  Using her thigh to push yourself up, you turned your body so that you were face to face with her, your lips mere inches from each other.  As you stared into each other’s eyes, both of you waiting to see who would make the first move, you reached up to cup her face with your hands before leaning in to kiss her.

Kissing Wanda was a religious experience.  Her lips were heavenly, softer than anything you’d ever experienced.  You loved the way she practically melted into you when you captured your lips in hers.  These kisses were soft and sweet.  Her lips were filled with a tenderness that made you weak at the knees.  You felt her smile into you as you explored her, gently nibbling on her bottom lip as you helped her lean back into the pillow.  The TV show was long forgotten as Wanda wrapped her arms around you and pulled you close on top of her.  

“Mmmm I missed this,” she sighed as you kissed your way down her jaw to her neck.  You bit down on a sensitive spot, drawing a moan from her as you licked and sucked over the tender point and marked her as yours.  “What are the boys going to think when they see I’ve got a hickey on my neck?”

“That you’re all mine,” you answered.  “All mine.”  You kissed your way back up her neck, working your way to her lips as you took them greedily.  These kisses were different.  They were more passionate, more intense.  You ran your hands up and down Wanda’s back, eventually running them up under her shirt.

“Y/N,” she breathed as she panted for breath.  You barely gave her a second to recover before slamming your lips against hers, brushing your tongue over her bottom lip, begging for permission to explore her mouth.  She enthusiastically obliged, her tongue crashing into yours as you explored each other deeply for the first time.  As you continued to kiss her, Wanda’s hands roamed from your back to your front, trailing down your stomach until they came to your belt.  The feeling of your buckle being undone snapped you back to reality as you abruptly broke away from her.

“Woah, stop, stop,” you said.  Suddenly everything felt too hot and too fast and too much all at the same time.  

Wanda’s eyes grew worried with concern, her brow furrowing as she looked up at you.  “What’s wrong?”

You gulped nervously as you looked down at her, sitting back on your heels to put space between the two of you.  “Nothing.  It’s…nothing, I’m fine.  Sorry.”

“Sweetheart, something’s wrong.  Did I do something?”

“No.  It’s…I, Christ this is so stupid, I’m a…I’ve nev-I’ve never had sex before,” you blurted.  You felt the heat rising in your face as you blushed a deep shade of red.  Wanda’s eyes widened at your revelation.  “I mean I got a one-off handjob from my high school girlfriend when I was sixteen, but that’s it.”

“Oh.” Wanda’s voice was small.  You couldn’t tell what she was thinking exactly as she stared at you.  Her head cocked to the side, a signature sign that she was deep in thought.  

“Sorry.  Umm, you know what?  I’ll just-I’ll just go.  Just forget everything I said, okay?”  You had never felt so humiliated before.  There was no way you could do anything with Wanda now.  You could barely look her in the eye with how embarrassed you felt.

“Hey,” she said, reaching out to grab your hand.  “It’s okay.  We can wait until you’re ready.  I’ll never make you do anything you don’t want to do.  Ever.  I’m not mad or anything.”

“No I want to, I really want to.  I’m just nervous.  I don’t want it to be bad for you.”

Wanda flashed the smile that made you fall even harder for her.  “It’s okay to be nervous.  I haven’t slept with anyone since Vision left so yeah, I’m nervous, too.”

“I, umm, I didn’t bring a condom,” you sheepishly admitted.

“I’ve got some upstairs.”  You let out a small chuckle.  “What?”

“Nothing.  It’s just funny imagining you at the store with your reading glasses on trying to read the descriptions on all of the boxes.”

Wanda rolled her eyes as she sat up.  “You’re adorable.  Now come on, let’s go upstairs.  I am not letting you lose your virginity on this sofa.”

Wanda practically dragged you up to her bedroom and shut the door behind you.  Your heart skipped a beat as you heard the lock click into place.  “Come on,” she whispered as she pulled you to the bed.  “We can do whatever you want.”  Your mouth felt like it was filled with cotton as endless possibilities of what you and Wanda could do together flashed through your brain.  You tried to speak, but nothing came out.  “Can I take your clothes off?”  You nodded enthusiastically.  “Words, sweetheart.  I need you to say it for me.”

“Fuck yes,” you breathed as you pulled your shirt up and off.  She shook her head as her hands reached for your belt.  You grabbed her face and kissed her, pulling her close as you felt your jeans get the slightest bit looser.  As she unzipped them, she made sure to run her hand over your bulge, palming it through your jeans.  You moaned into her mouth at the throbbing sensation that was building in your pants.  

“Nice undies,” she teased.  Horrified, you realized that you were wearing your Pikachu boxer briefs.

“I’m gonna be completely honest, Wanda.  I was not anticipating you seeing me in my underwear tonight.”

“They’re cute, but I think they’ll look cuter on the floor.”  She hooked her thumbs around the waistband, dropping to the floor as she dragged them down your legs.  Your erection, absolutely throbbing, sprang to attention as it was freed from the confines of your clothes.  Standing there completely naked, you suddenly felt the need to cover up.  As Wanda looked up at you from her knees, she sensed your trepidation.  “Do you want to keep going?”

“Yeah, j-just give me a second.”

“Lie down on the bed, okay?  I’ve got an idea.”  You had no idea what Wanda was thinking as you crawled onto the bed.  As you did that, she began undressing herself.

“What are-?”

“Oh look, we’re both naked,” she smirked, tossing her panties behind her.  Your jaw dropped as you saw her naked for the first time.  The sight of her bare breasts in front of you was mesmerizing, as was the rest of her body.  She was a goddess.

“Wow.  Wanda, wow.  You’re gorgeous, baby.”  Wanda blushed a deep crimson as she crawled onto the bed next to you.  

“You’re not so bad yourself, handsome,” she teased.  “Can I touch you?”

“Yeah,” you gulped.  Slowly, Wanda trailed her hand down from your chest down to your stomach and then to your cock, wrapping a loose grip around it.  “Oh fuck,” you groaned.  The sensation of her hand moving up and down your shaft was familiar: you’d jacked off to the thought of her countless times.  But the feeling of someone else’s hand doing it was unreal.

“Somebody’s sensitive.”  Your cock twitched under Wanda’s ministrations, precum leaking from your tip as she used it to lube you up.

“Christ, just blow me already,” you groaned as you threw your head back into the pillow.  The words came from your mouth absentmindedly.  They were crude and vulgar.  In your pleasure-filled haze, you weren’t totally aware of what you were saying.  The second you realized your ask, your face flushed red with embarrassment.  Wanda’s hand stopped abruptly as she looked down at you half-amused.  

“Alright,” she smirked.  Before you knew what was happening Wanda crawled to the other side of the bed, brushing her hair out of her face as she lowered her head.

The feeling of Wanda’s mouth enveloping the entirety of your cock immediately tore a loud groan from your chest.   She swirled her tongue over your head, her hand wrapping around the base of your cock.  Her cheeks hollowed as her head bobbed up and down.  You threw your head back into the pillow again, unable to watch the utterly sinful sight unfolding right in front of you.

“Holy shit,” you gasped.  Cherry red lips closed softly around your head, sucking as she reached down to squeeze your balls.  For a woman who hadn’t been with another man since her husband left, you couldn’t tell that she was out of practice.  Wanda smiled as you whined, your dick hitting the back of her throat.  Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes as she gagged on your length.  It was undoubtedly the hottest thing you’d ever seen in your entire life.

Your pulse quickened as the ache in your groin grew stronger with every little movement.  The pleasure was dizzying, the familiar coil in your belly growing tighter by the second.  As Wanda worked wonders with her mouth, your body became unrestrained.  You grabbed the back of her head, pulling her down as you thrust your hips into her face.  Drool dripped down your cock as you stuffed your length deep into Wanda’s mouth.  Her eyes screwed shut as she choked and gagged.  You moaned in response, your fingers kneading her fiery red hair.

“Wanda, I’m gonna cum,” you croaked as you felt a blissful warmth spread over your body.  She smirked against your cock as your hips bucked faster.  Her tongue swirled and lapped over every single inch as she enthusiastically massaged the parts left exposed.  Seconds later the coil snapped and your body exploded in ecstasy.  Strands of hot cum shot down Wanda’s throat, which she swallowed greedily.  No drop was left wasted as she released your with a pop, fine strands of saliva and cum connecting her to you.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, her chest heaving as she struggled to regain her breath.  You closed your eyes as you watched galaxies and explosions appear under your closed lids.  

“Y/N?” You opened your eyes and Wanda’s face was hovering above yours.  

“Yeah?”

“You good?”

“I’ll let you know as soon as I regain feeling in my legs,” you joked as you looked up into those adorable emerald eyes.  The beamed as she gazed down at you, caressing your flushed cheek with her soft hand.

“You’re adorable,” she cooed, planting a kiss on your forehead.  “I take it that was better than that handjob from your high school girlfriend?”

“Fuck yes,” you groaned.  Wanda chuckled as she kissed you, her soft lips full of passion and tenderness against your own.

“What now, lover boy?” she teased.

“I wanna taste you,” you breathed, pulling her head to yours before you kissed her softly.  “All of you.”

“Mmmm I like the sound of that,” Wanda giggled against your lips.  She rolled the two of you over, landing on her back as you let the weight of your body rest atop her.  

Your lips collided again and again as the anticipation of what was to come thrummed deep in your soul.  Wanda’s breath was shaky against your own as you slowly teased a hand down her body before resting it in the heat between her legs.

“Tell me what you want,” you whispered, your breath hot against her ear.  Her eyes fixed on nothing on the ceiling, she nodded absentmindedly and reached her hand down to cover yours.  Her long svelte fingers pushed yours over her already swollen clit, circling them gently over the sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Like that,” she croaked.  You continued the motion as she released you.  Soft whimpers escaped her lips as you focused on circling her clit.  She grabbed onto your biceps, digging her nails into your flesh while you kissed her neck.  “Oh baby that’s it,” she gasped.  “Just a little more pressure and-”  Wanda’s breath hitched as you pushed on her clit.  As you circled it, you heard the lewd sounds of her wetness teasing just how aroused she was.

“Fuck, Wanda.  You’re so wet.”  She groaned as you teased your hand lower, rubbing your fingers through her swollen lips and teasing her slit.

“I want your mouth,” she begged as she grabbed your head and pushed it down your body.  You crawled down her body, kissing every inch of her exposed torso as you slunk down to her pelvis.  She squirmed as you planted hot open mouth kisses over her exposed flesh.  Pressing her thighs apart, you could feel the heat radiating from between them.  

“Wanda, what-?”

“Whatever you want.”  Her voice was dripping with arousal.  You weren’t quite sure where to start as you stared down at her glistening cunt.  Taking a deep breath, you lowered your mouth to her clit.  Your lips encircled the bulbous spot, sucking and licking in a manner similar to the way she sucked your cock.  The loud groan that escaped her lips made you think you were doing something right.  Wanda’s hips bucked against your face as you continued your alternating licking and sucking on her most sensitive spot.

Pushing her thighs down further, you lowered your head, licking a stripe from her clit all the way down her slit.  Her arousal coated your tongue and you found yourself getting drunk on the taste of her.  You teased her slit with your tongue, pressing it as far inside her as you could.

“Shit,” she groaned, grabbing your head and pushing it hard into her pelvis.  You smiled as you lapped at her.  The activity that once filled you with anxiety and hesitation now filled you with a sense of pride as you brought Wanda closer and closer to her orgasm.  “Need something inside,” she mumbled.  Kissing your way back to her clit, you tentatively inserted a finger inside her needy cunt.  She shuddered at the sudden intrusion.  You slowly began thrusting your hand in and out of her tight hole.  “Not like that,” she suddenly grabbed your hand as you pulled out.

“Am I hurting you?” Fear stopped you dead in your tracks as you looked up at Wanda with concern.

“Just curl your fingers, don’t thrust, keep going, I’m so close, baby.”  Wanda was beside herself with pleasure, her body closer to the edge.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just fuck me.”  Wanda shoved your head back down.  You went right to work, rolling her clit around with your tongue as you curled your finger inside.  Her walls tightened around you, making it difficult to move within her.  

“I’m cumming.  Oh, I’m cumming!” Wanda gasped as you felt her walls spasm around your hand.  Her body shook as wave after wave of ecstasy overtook every inch of her.  Loud moans escaped her lips as her eyes screwed shut, her mouth gaping open with unspeakable pleasure.  

As Wanda’s spasms calmed, you pulled out of her.  Her walls squeezed around nothing as it adjusted to the sudden lack of intrusion.  Wanda was flat on her back, completely blissed out at the first orgasm she received at the hands of another person in a very long time.  Masturbation only did so much for her.  The level of intimacy and trust required for someone to bring her to such levels of ecstasy was something on a completely different level.

“Wanda?  Are you okay, babe?”  Her eyes were glazed over as she needed, her hands tracing through your hair.

“Are you sure you’ve never done this before?” 

“I’ll take that as a complement,” you joked before kissing her.  You stared down at her, at the face of the woman you were slowly falling in love with, and wanted nothing more than to make her feel so unbelievably loved.  The face that gazed back up at you mirrored the love and adoration that you felt for her.  For the first time in a very long time, you were grateful for the fact that your first time was with someone who meant so much to you.

“Do you want to keep going?” Wanda whispered, rubbing the back of your neck.

“Mmhmm.  Do you?”  She nodded.  “Where’d you put the condoms?” Wanda motioned to the nightstand next to her.  You pulled the drawer open and grabbed one.  “Umm, I’ve never-”

“That’s okay.  Let me help.”  Wanda grabbed the small wrapper from you, tearing it open before grabbing your already erect cock.  Heart pounding and breath shaking, you watched her roll it down the length of your shaft.  “How’s that?”

“It feels weird, but it’s not too tight or anything like that.”

“Good.”  She readjusted herself on the bed, planting her feet on the bed and bending her knees to give you full access to her already dripping pussy.  “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” you nodded.  Positioning yourself over her, you lined your cock up with her entrance.  Your body trembled with anticipation, sweat beading on your forehead as you suddenly felt yourself overwhelmed with nervousness.  Wanda, once again sensing your hesitation, reached down and helped guide you inside her.

Wanda’s pussy was unfathomably warm, wet and tight.  It took all your concentration to not blow your load right then and there.  You groaned as you felt her squeeze gently around you.  “Fuck,” you moaned, burying your head in the crook of her neck.  

“Mmm, you feel so good, Y/N,” she sighed.  It took a moment to get yourself together, but once you did you began to slowly thrust yourself in and out.  Gasps and moans filled the room as Wanda’s drenched cunt squelched with every roll of your hips.

“Wanda,” you groaned.  “Oh, Wanda.”

“Don’t stop, Y/N.  Please don’t stop.”  Wanda’s mewls spurred you on.  You pushed yourself up, leaning over her as you filled her up at a faster pace.  The bed groaned under your exertion.

“Baby, I don’t think I’m gonna last,” you gritted through clenched teeth.  The newness of being engulfed inside Wanda’s velvety walls was driving you to the end far faster than you wanted.

“That’s okay,” she breathed.  “Just keep going.  I want you to cum for me, sweetheart.”  

Wanda’s words ignited a primal fire inside you.  Wiping the sweat away from your forehead, you bore down on your efforts.  Your hips bucked wildly into Wanda.  She moaned as you buried yourself deep inside her, filling her cunt in all the right ways as she began rubbing circles around her swollen clit.  The bed creaked as you fucked her relentlessly.  The faster your hips moved, the hotter the fire in your belly burned until you realized you were dangerously close to the point of no return.

“I’m gonna-” You were interrupted by Wanda reaching her free hand up to your neck and pulling you down to capture your lips in hers.  As she kissed you passionately, you tumbled over the edge again.  Her lips stifled your moan as you filled the condom with your seed.  The feeling of your erection throbbing inside her, coupled with her hand on her clit, sent Wanda over the edge as she practically screamed through her orgasm.  Her walls squeezed you tightly.  You were practically seeing stars.

“Oh fuck.  Wanda.  Fuck, oh fuck.  Oh God, Wanda,” you panted as the aftershocks of your orgasm worked their way through your body.  Your pants turned into laughs as she began laughing with you.

“Was that okay?” Wanda asked with a chuckle.

“Okay?  I don’t think ‘okay’ is the word I used to describe what just happened.”

“You have a better word, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know.  All I know is that I love you,” you mumbled absentmindedly as you collapsed onto her sweaty body.

“...What?”

“I…sorry, is it too soon?  Did I just make this weird?”  Wanda answered with a searing kiss, the corners of her mouth curved upward as she grabbed your face.

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that,” she sheepishly admitted, her face flushing bright crimson.  

“God, I love you, Wanda.  I love you so much.”  Your last sentence was interrupted with kisses between every word.

“I love you, too, Y/N.  Don’t ever let me go.” 

[butch-reidentified]

DNI if you believe "everyone has a price." you're pathetic & I don't trust your morals.

Skip to bottom for About Me section.

Preface: Most of this blog is not dedicated to trans-related topics. However, seeing as I get nonstop harassment regarding trans matters, almost always from people assuming my views, experiences, and thoughts entirely incorrectly, a disproportionate number of the links in this Pinned will be aimed at this subject in order to provide legitimate insight as to my views, my feminism, and my experiences - both with my transition & the trans community in general. Chances are, you are very wrong about me in all those areas. Only one way to find out 😉

1. What is a woman?

Deep dive into my perspective on gender identity ideology (GII) & my response to an anon regarding "autogynephilia" [this includes the article above]

Argument for Using "Cis-Identifying"

Pitch: New Terminology to Replace "[Biological] Sex"

And related: A conversation with a "NERF" about radical feminism, gender identity ideology, and what we/I actually believe.

2. Inform yourself on some of the work I've done for trans people before you continue the trend of cowardly hypocrisy.

No, I obviously don't hate trans people, and if you believe that, you have a black-and-white way of looking at things. Trans people deserve safety and equality; this must not come at the expense of women/girls, homosexual people, people with DSDs, or any other marginalized and vulnerable group. If you think these opinions cannot coexist, maybe ask yourself why. If you think they can coexist, why do you have a problem with me?

3. My primary thread responding to the way much of the tumblr trans community handled my sharing my story of surviving the 2016 Pulse Nightclub shooting (often by stealing my lived trauma and removing my url) is easily one of the most - if not the most - important posts pertaining to trans discourse I've made to date. And a bonus: This lovely ask.

4. Hope for Women (this is a very new project, WIP)

5. Comparative Analysis of Cult-like Patterns in Gender Identity Ideology, Radfeminism

Another post (not mine) listing indicators something may be a cult

6. Response to an anon asking why radfems team up with conservatives (spoiler: we don't), including THE QUESTION I have about gender identity ideology that would make me change my views completely if answered; response to a similar anon simplifying the differences between TRA, radfem, & conservative views on gender.

About Me:

I am a butch lesbian, married to a badass gnc (but not butch) radfem lesbian goddess whose misandry surpasses even my own; she does have tumblr but rarely uses it - @psychichologramnightmare is hers. I'm 28/Taurus/May baby, though I'll be real, I've never liked astrology and found my birth chart n whatnot always laughably wildly inaccurate to me (sorry astrology girlies). Former competitive rock climber, still in love with hiking and climbing. Wilderness survivalist. Trained & armed woman, advocate for female-only firearm ownership.

My wife and I run our own business, and bought our first home together at 24 & 25 respectively - it's a lovely 4/3 on a quarter acre where we have 5 mango trees and more, plan to start growing our own food and herbs, foster kittens, and provide free housing (and more) regularly for those in need. We do a LOT of IRL feminist action/work/organizing. I post about some of that work pretty often, but I couldn't possibly post about all of it (even if it were safe to do so). I am basically organizing (mostly offline, but some online as well) full-time now.

Survivor of abuse, CSA + captivity, trafficking in my teens where I was forced into porn as a minor, the Pulse Nightclub shooting in Orlando 2016, and more. I am no longer affected by any of these in any negative psychological manner. I own my past, every moment of it, and wouldn't change a thing I've experienced. What I often tell people is, "I'm not glad it happened; I'm glad I was there."

I practice "witchcraft" (kind of...) as a form of artistic expression. I don't subscribe to any literal metaphysical/supernatural/whatever set of beliefs or narrative, and have had a lifelong inability to believe in such things, but I am passionate about lesbian-centered/lesbian-exclusive (esp butch & gnc lesbian) witchcraft. I am also using this practice in part to connect further with my ancestors and their culture & way of life, but this would take a full essay to elaborate on/explain.

I got my Bachelor's in Neuroscience/Neuropsych, used to work in a top neuro research lab, and have been a coauthor on a peer-reviewed scientific journal publication. I wrote my undergraduate thesis on POTS, ADHD, some of the relevant epigenetics, and norepinephrine dysregulation. I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos & POTS in 2015, before pretty much anyone had heard of them (including most doctors). My POTS is very well-managed now, but chronic pain from EDS is more of a struggle. I recently went for testing for EDS subtype and was diagnosed with Type IV/vascular-type EDS (VEDS).

Adoptee with complex history. Working through a lot of feelings surrounding my ancestry - one birth parent was white, other was almost entirely indigenous Mexican (Nahua), and I have like zero personality traits in common with the former but have only been able to meet them irl not the other side - and the fact that my adoptive family (white) has not always handled things well in raising adopted kids. I only learned my full biological family history as an adult and was lied to by them about it my whole life. Which, looking back it feels like I always knew on some level, as adoptees often seem to, and it puts a lot of my childhood difficulties etc in context. Adoption-critical but not abolitionist - I plan to adopt with my wife in a couple years. I've talked a fair bit about my experiences, adoption trauma, ethical adoption, and more. Check out my tags such as #ethical adoption, #adopted, #adoptee, and so forth (tagged on this post for easy accessibility).

I spent many years surrounded by majority-trans-identifying friends/acquaintances both irl and online, deeply involved in trans spaces & activism, and even identified for a bit & was on T for a while. I am not "uneducated" or unfamiliar with trans-identifying people, their experiences, or gender identity ideology in general. You, like me back then, very probably have been lied to about radfems ("terfs") and what we believe and fight for. I am happy to talk in good faith (provided you do the same) 1 on 1 with anyone who is curious about what we actually believe and what we stand for, what common radfem takes on gender identity ideology & trans identity actually are and why.

I have a history of purely physical sex dysphoria (physical sensation like pain or itching). I got "top surgery" (elective mastectomy) due to this and other reasons: constant painful breast cysts & very large breasts (DDD even when I weighed under 100 lbs). I was not trans-identifying by the time I got this surgery (though I tried to briefly identify as nb/transmasc just bc I felt obligated, but hated it). I have never wanted to be a man socially and genuinely hated the very thought. I came out the womb feminist, got in trouble throughout primary school for fighting boys who tried to pull sexist bullshit, always lowkey believed in female superiority (I mean just look at our biology, lifespans, pain tolerance, the things we've done throughout history despite violent patriarchal oppression...). I spent years preparing myself. I read from & spoke to women who regretted this surgery, challenged myself at every turn, dove deep into my mind and thought processes, tried alternative treatment attempts, worked with a non-affirming therapist, made sure my past traumas were fully healed, and waited until I was in my mid-twenties so my brain was more or less fully matured. I have no regrets about it. I still have some (still purely physical sensation) dysphoria ("phantom male genitals" type of thing) at times, but have come to manage this very well. More on this here.

Formally assessed psychopath & participant in research by leading psychopathy experts (read on before jumping to conclusions). Check out this post and my #psychopathy tag (tagged on this post for easy accessibility) for info, particularly about high-EQ female psychopathy, & to find out everything you think you know about us is wrong 💕 (what you know about male psychopaths is usually right tho 💀)

Note: When it comes to politics, I strive to discuss exclusively that about which I am *uniquely knowledgeable* - by which I mean, essentially, that I (believe I) have something to contribute that is unlikely to be found on every other blog. I do not and will not make posts or reblog posts about topics I do not feel this way about. You are not entitled to know my views on every hot-button issue, and I have no intention of speaking on that which I know little about, or that I don't know enough about (through study or personal experiences) to contribute something you can't get a thousand other places.

Tag Guide (WIP):

#mine -> original posts, including ask responses

#ask -> ask responses only

#anon hate, #anon love -> should be self-explanatory. anon love does include some non-anon love for simplicity.

#catposting, #dogposting, #petposting -> images of cats, dogs, and both, respectively (not always my own)

#Wilder wives -> posts pertaining to me & my wife (last name Wilder)

#mvawg, #mvaw, #male violence -> male violence against women/girls

#ethical adoption -> my takes as an adoptee on the issues within the adoption industry & how adoption can be done ethically

#nahua, #nahuatl, #mexica -> ranges from personal journal style posts about my process of reconnecting with the Nahua community to sharing facts about the language (Nahuatl, pronounce it Nawat) and stories from Mexica mythology etc. posts I make specifically as part of the facts-and-stories series are tagged #indigenous reconstructionism.

#what we believe -> fairly new tag for posts trying to educate on what radfeminism is actually about/damage control for disinformation & misinformation about it

#trans violence -> violence committed by trans-identifying people, including threats of and graphic violent fantasies (primarily misogynistic ones)

#trans misogyny, #trans lesbophobia, #woke misogyny, #woke homophobia, #woke lesbophobia, etc. -> what it says on the tin

[blingblong55]

All I can think of now is a proper what we do in the shadows! 141 AU, where the gang are a coven of vampires and there’s a documentary crew following them around. 🫧

Price is the oldest, perhaps a famous outlaw from over a thousand years ago. He views his coven as his children.

Gaz has been his companion for the longest. He was a knight or a soldier. Price has fought in a few wars to give himself something to do over the years, but couldn’t stand the thought of his new comrade and pseudo-child Kyle getting killed. He was far too young to die, so Price made sure he wouldn’t.

He met Ghost next when he was running one of his many criminal empires (again, he wanted something to do). Ghost had joined as a low level thug but quickly worked up the ranks to become one of his inner-circle. He was a cold blooded killer with little remorse - or so Price thought. Once he’s come to know of Simon’s upbringing and life, filled with hardship and pain, John knew he couldn’t just leave the lost soul alone. He deserved a chance to heal and make real, lasting connections with people who wouldn’t hurt or leave him, so Price turned him.

Soap and Grim are the newest additions to the coven. One of them probably became his familiar after being dared by the other, and they quickly worked their way into his unbeating heart. Price worried a lot for his two youngest children and they were giving him grey hairs after thousands of years without (how could be not worry with their love of explosives and lack of self preservation?) so he decided that, so he could keep a good eye on them and make sure that they didn’t get hurt, Johnny and R/n should join him and his older children in undeath.

Price was wary of the crew filming this ‘documentary’ about them, but his two youngest just seemed so happy to have new friends to play with, so he allowed it. Ghost would be the most guarded, happily taking care of a few of the crew who got too close, thought it would be funny to come to work with a crucifix in their pocket, or made a snide comment towards one of his family. Gaz is cheeky, friendly, and happy to joke around with them, and probably gives them the most actually useful information. He’s the only reason the documentary can actually be called factual or educational. Soap and Grim are happy to have new people to mess with. They like to jumpscare the crew by flying in their face as bats, appear out of nowhere, hypnotise them and convince them to act silly, and stage nerf gun wars with everyone in the house - cameramen included.

hear me out!

Graves is Simon the Devious (ironic ik)

The cameramen never get used to this, never. Price, oh that poor man, he wishes at times he didn't have a soft spot for his children but then again, this is what he chose

I would also like to introduce the two dumb little young vampires, Johnny and grim, not only did they both dare each other to become familiars but their dumbasses didn't know the other was going to go through with it!!! They end up finding out when Gaz introduces them to each other...

Three days into being familiars, they set off a bomb, nearly kills them but father senses tingle and Price finds them in time.

Five days into being familiars, they nearly die in six explosions, 2 car accidents and one orea choking accident, so that's when Price decides its time to make them vampires, he knows they are unkillable unless they step into the sun, which they almost have....14 times so far-...make that 15 times

[venusist]

🍫 𝑻𝑶𝑲𝒀𝑶 𝑫𝑬𝑩𝑼𝑵𝑲𝑬𝑹 𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹𝑮𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑵 𝑨𝑼 🍼

#𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 1: 𝑭𝑹𝑶𝑺𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑰𝑴 & 𝑽𝑨𝑮𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑹𝑶𝑴 + 𝑴𝒄 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑨𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒏𝒆𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒍 + 𝑵𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒅𝒆 𝑱𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒘𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑺𝒊𝒏𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂

#. 𝑭𝑹𝑶𝑺𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑰𝑴

JIN - Rich kid number one.. Because of his and his parents status, the teacher usually hesitates scolding him. Plus, he doesn't listen anyways nor do exactly anything anyways; opting Thoma to do everything for him such as fetching his snacks from his cubby to even pushing his swing.

- During work, he's usually sleeping with his head on his desk. Despite this he's incredibly smart and still somehow manages to get his work done at the end of the day.

- He carries candy cigarettes around which heavily worries the teacher.

" Would you like this cookie instead? " The teacher asks, wavering the treat around like how a hypnosis waves a clock watch around.

" No."

- He carries his sword around; except it's literally plastic and occasionally hits Luca and Kaito over the head with it if they irritate him enough; Cue a crying Kaito and confused Luca rubbing both of their poor heads.

- don't expect him to play with you during recess, he's too busy napping under a tree. Go ask someone else maybe?

TOHMA - Also one of the smarter kids in the class. Does his work perfectly every time. Doesn't give any problems to the teachers at all; also is somehow fine with doing everything for Jin despite the teacher telling him otherwise.

"Tohma , you know you don't have to do everything for Jin, right?" The older adult comments with concern lingering in their voice as they crouch down to the child's level.

" I'm okay, really." The ash blonde child reassures him as he continues walking over to Jin with his juice box in tow.

- The type of child who uses big words despite his age

- Because of how good he is in chess in the canon story, I headcanon him as also being good in bingo. Does anyone remember those mini bingo cards the teachers used to give you and they have those little plastic chips you use to cover up the number ? Yeah, lil bro is a menace in that game. It's gotten to the point a child cried to the teacher just because he kept getting bingo .

KAITO - He's unfortunately a bit slower than the rest when it comes to academics, but he's trying okay? He also hangs out with you a lot aside from Luca. Whether it be coloring, or sharing his snacks with you. The sweet boy is just happy to be there

- not gonna lie, he faces the short end of the stick a lot; one time a girl asked to play house with him ( he expected to play the role as the husband only to be told to play the role of the dog🌚 Lil bro did NAWT want to play after that. )

- and another time where he spotted you moving your sleeping mat next to Haku. Which made him sad obviously, you're his sleeping buddy ! Why didn't you move your mat next to him :(

- Still in debt to Romeo. But in this Au, he has to pay him back with fake toy coins; Is often seen being hunted down at recess by him.

"Leave me alone or else I'm telling!" He yells as he dodges yet another soft bullet that came from Romeo's nerf gun.

LUCA- He's such a sweet child. Definitely one of the teachers favorites in the class; does his work, and zero problems arise out of him. Literally always raises his hand anytime the teacher asks a question.

- He's a bit stubborn though, just like his canon self. He will insist on helping you with your work even if you express that you don't need help! He does the same for Kaito as well.

"I can help you!" He gives a warm smile as he scoots his chair closer to yours.

- Usually protects him at recess from both Romeo ( and Leo on occasions. ) Just like in the canon story, he almost fights sho except the teacher was the one who separated them and both got sent to the time out corner. He looked like a kicked puppy ;(

- In this Au, his brother isn't missing. Unfortunately he's just in a different classroom, which made Luca sad at first.

#. 𝑽𝑨𝑮𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑹𝑶𝑴

LEO - literally is a brat in this, I don't know what y'all expected. Is Also two faced. Literally, one minute he's putting on an innocent act for the teacher, the next minute he's messing with Lyca when the teacher's back is turned. Bro does not volunteer to do anything.

- Obviously is seen with his partner in crime *cough* Sho

is a child influencer in this Au and also has a mini phone that the teacher almost confiscated but, somehow managed to sway the teacher with his tears.

- he's the one to blame for some of the rumors in the class and will not hesitate to call someone out. Oh? That kid who somehow was labeled as having the " cooties " that was all Leo. or that girl who he'd seen picking her nose? He called her out for it loudly with zero hesitation.

- will also snatch ur seat on the swings if you even get up for a second. He does not care.

" You're a crybaby!" He comments, rolling his eyes as you practically yell at him to give him your seat back. :(

SHO - Despite him practically hanging out with Leo 99% of the time, he actually isn't that bad. He's just friends with someone who's a bad influence on him.

- Just like his canon counterpart, he has a motorcycle, except it's just a small power wheel. The teacher doesn't know he managed to bring it to school. They've tried confiscating it on many occasions ( obviously that didn't work )

- Y'all know them fake kitchen toy sets with the fake food? Anytime recess is held inside due to the weather, Sho will always be the main one playing with it and ( pretending ) to run a restaurant. He 100% treats it seriously and WILL get mad if anyone interferes.

"I was here first, move." Leo commands the random boy as he lightly pushes him away from the toy set.

- When he isn't around Leo, he's usually talking and coloring with Subaru or you. Everything goes well until Leo comes along and drags him away from one of you.

MIDO - Isn't necessarily a bad child. Unfortunately the other kids around him are a bit intimidated around him due to his demeanor and how strong he is. Is still a good child but is a little slow at times.

- Just like his canon counterpart he has a hard time with directions. If the teacher sends him outside to use the restroom he deadass would go the opposite way and not the correct way 🌚. Obviously this goes the same for technology, the teacher can hand this boy a leapfrog and he will sit there looking dumbfounded.

- That one kid who always volunteered to carry the chairs

- Sometimes is spotted outside getting physical with Sho on many occasions . The teacher thinks they hate each other but little do they know, they only fight because Alan " wants a fighting buddy."

"How many times do I have to tell you two to stop fighting?!" The teacher practically yells as they stand in-between both of the two parties.

[crackinwise]

Look, here's why "Teen" CAN'T be Billy (and it'd make me extra pissed off if it is.) Spoilers for Agatha All Along and Marvel comics!

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Billy is a Scarlet Witch fanboy first and foremost. He's also a shameless nerd for all the Avengers, like Kamala Khan. Making his introduction be as an Agatha fanboy, even just as a con, is maddening. Why need her or help her get powers back when he'd know how dangerous she is to Wanda and himself by extension? He's already extremely strong on his own. Why nerf him?

For Billy to be here in search of Wanda, it means they would have majorly skipped his origin story. He had a new family he was born into and a team, adventures, love, all before he AND HIS BRO went to find Wanda. Hell, he thought she was dead like everyone else for a while.

Billy got Wanda back with FAMILY help. His brother Tommy. Uncle Pietro. Grandpappy Magneto. (I do understand the MCU won't let us have the last two.) A family quest to find family being turned into a Halloween Wizard Of Oz journey with an enemy would give me a migraine. They re-imagined House Of M so recognizably with Wandavision, so why would they fumble Billy's comics here?

There's no reason Billy's name or story would be forbidden to Agatha. Who would have made that spell? Why? Would she even recognize him when his last name is very different and family life has no connection to Wanda at all? I doubt he keeps blabbing to her that he's Wanda's son if he's really pretending to be Agatha's stan. (There's another theory of who Teen is that makes more sense for his name to be hidden, but his comics aren't in my wheelhouse.)

When Teen said a spell in the first episode, it was some Latin mumbling instead of his will. Billy in the comics, at least when he's still young, wills things to be in order to use his magic. He says what he wants like a mantra, out loud in plain words. I know the MCU might have nix'd this since he didn't do it in Wandavision either, but I still have hope they'll give it back. It shows how powerful he is, like his mother who could change all reality with an errant thought.

If the boyfriend calling was Teddy, that means they also skipped the couple growing closer on their team and the whole Skrull/Kree prince thing by this point in the timeline, and I'm just already so mad it's taken this long to even get one HINT of Teddy in the MCU, so if they really made his introduction be a neglected phone call I'll scream. He did stay home and worry and cover for the twins while they searched for their mom, but that's AFTER they'd established themselves as heroes and Teddy had his own family crisis. (They should have introduced him in The Marvels, I'm—)

No red in Teen's color scheme nor any resemblance to young Asgardian or Wiccan costumes. It's the weakest argument but the wardrobe dept usually gives us something. Billy had the color scheme in Wandavision and got to mimic his Wiccan costume besides (not the ugly galaxy pajamas they have him in nowadays). There's a promo poster that DOES have Teen in red with a headband, but it still seems off to me. Seems like a trick.

Granted, if Teen is really who most suspect to be another character close to Agatha, he doesn't have that color scheme either and I'd completely understand why...

Now stop making such smartass posts in the tag casually calling Teen "Billy" until we know. Because not only are you raising my blood pressure, but it's disrespectful to people who like to avoid untagged spoilers and you may just be setting them up for no reason. It's rude.