#the mystery and the haunting feeling and the never being able to know what really happened

[sammypog]

mama’s gun by glass animals is actually mind blowing btw. in the summer silence i was getting violent, in the summer silence i was doing nothing. was that your voice or was that me??? lay with me my dear in the evening fear!! i’ll be dreaming in my paper pale skin… btw. just so you know. i am deeply haunted by this song

[haetrack]

spur of the moment (ldh)

part 2 here!

pairing: haechan x afab!reader

wc: 2.1k

warnings: basically just smut (sorry), perv!haechan, masturbation (male), bed humping, fleshlight, he thinks about reader who he doesn’t really talk to, unprotected sex mentioned, he’s kinda gross here (sorry to haechan), thinks he’s a dom, he’s really not, not edited

a/n: i genuinely do not know what caused this but it was truly a spur of the moment (walks away)

there’s a certain ache in his back and strain in his fingers.

after being sat at his desk playing a game for… an unknown amount of hours, haechan can finally feel the pain settling in. it’s not exactly his fault though, an event came up for his favorite game, and if he didn’t get the prize for completing the challenges, he’d never be able to live with himself. he plays it off like it’s a joke, but it would probably haunt his dreams if he never got the mysterious prize.

haechan checks the time at the bottom of his computer screen, reading just a little past 11 pm. his friend had stopped playing earlier after feeling like he wasn’t making any progress, to which haechan told his friend it was because he sucks ass. he stretches in his gaming chair, and his body responds by making large cracking sounds. he cringes at the sound and decides it’s probably best if he goes to sleep.

he makes a quick trip to his restroom to freshen up. once he’s finished, he goes to his bed. it’s not made and his blanket is thrown haphazardly across it. he crawls into it, body laid flat onto it. he drapes the blanket over his body, his hands crossed over his stomach as he shuts his eyes.

haechan tries. haechan really tries to go to sleep. he’s not sure if it’s because he was attached to his computer screen for half of the day, but he can’t stop thinking. he’s not really thinking of anything, he just knows it’s there. he tries laying on his sides, tries laying flat down, even tries curling up into a ball. it’s not until he moves to lay on his stomach where he shifts his hips, his cock suddenly twitching in interest.

he internally groans, but a small smirk forms on his face. he moves his hips slowly to grind down onto his bed, the feeling of his shorts rubbing against him causing him to softly groan out. it doesn’t take long for him to grow hard, his body suddenly becoming very needy from lack of attention recently. okay, fine, lack of attention from another person in a while.

haechan continues grinding down onto his bed, his body growing hot at the sensation. he feels kinda pathetic for doing this, back arching in order to gain the most pleasure. he can feel his tip leaking with precum, staining the front of his shorts, which will eventually stain his sheets. his hands grip tightly onto his sheets, his moans successfully covered by his face shoved into his pillow. he can’t see his own face, but he can tell he’s red.

haechan realizes he’s very close to cumming. the realization of him getting close from humping his own bed like a dog in heat dawns on him. embarrassment floods his head, and he moves to sit up. he’s breathing quite heavily, sweat forming at his hairline. his mind shifts to the box under his bed, containing an item he’s quite embarrassed about.

he gets down on his knees to look under his bed, a shaky hand reaching out to find the box he’s stashed away from the world. inside of the box, he reaches for his fleshlight. in his mind, he tries to defend himself by saying it was just a gag gift and nothing more, but the amount of times he’s used it says otherwise. he promises that he’s not a gross pervert, he can’t help that it feels better than his hand.

while moving to lay back down on his bed, a thought crosses his mind: he’s not quite sure when he’s last cleaned it. once again, he promises he really isn’t a gross person and he’s actually very clean. he tries not to let this ruin his session though, he just decides to clean it now and move on. he gets back up to move to his restroom, reaching for his glasses to slide them back onto his face.

he reaches his sink, and he looks in the mirror to really assess what he’s doing. he’s about to clean his pocket pussy just so he can quickly get off. a feeling of shame passes through him, is this really who he is as a person?

the shame quickly leaves his body as he begins washing it. he lets water drip through it, and he pumps soap in his hands in order to clean it. one more promise, he swears he at least cleaned the cum out of it last time, he was just scared of how dust might collect under his bed. anyways, he lathers soap onto his fingers and presses his pointer and middle finger to the small hole of the fleshlight.

he pushes his soap-lathered fingers in, and his face heats up once again. the warm water caused the inside of the fleshlight to feel warm too, and, well, he can’t help but think it’s like the real thing. his dick twitches in interest at the thought of it, and he can’t help how his hips hump into the counter of his sink. a small moan escapes his lips, the thought of sex making his body move on its own.

he continues pumping his fingers in and out of the toy, fingers appearing out the other side. the warm water and soap help aid the movement of his fingers, and he imagines that it would be how warm and wet your pussy would feel around him.

he pauses his movements at his sudden thoughts. he’s not quite sure how his thoughts moved to think of you, the person who sits in front of him in his ethics class. he only took the class because he had to, but he doesn’t mind waking up early in order to see the outfits you wear, to hear your voice answer the professor’s questions. and no, he’s never really talked to you, besides the time you turned around and asked how his morning was.

he remembers the interaction, he somehow stuttered answering you, the sight of your lips moving and your eyes looking up at him because of the elevated row. from that point forward, he knew he had to at least talk to you once before the semester ends. he was so sure he wasn’t obsessed with a person he doesn’t know too well, but his actions right now prove otherwise.

accepting the fact that he’s going to get off to the thought of you, his movements turn hasty. his hips move to the rhythm of his fingers, his shorts rubbing against his tip perfectly. small whimpers fall from his mouth, the thought of you under him, him fingering you and you crying out his name proving to be too much for his mind. his thumb moves to the fake clit, making small circles over it. he imagines you begging for release, telling him how much you need him.

with his mind racing, he reaches down to pull his cock free from the confines of his shorts. he can’t let himself cum without the warmth of your pussy, can’t imagine not fucking your pussy full of his cum. his dick slaps against his stomach, waiting to be touched. he positions the toy in front of him, imagines that he’s bending you over the sink, forcing you to watch him fuck you.

haechan pushes his dick slowly into the toy, biting down onto his bottom lip to stop the moan that threatens to escape him. it’s warm and wet, the water helps ease his dick slowly into it. once he’s fully in, he has to stop and take a few breaths in order to stop himself from cumming so fast. he feels like a loser from almost cumming too fast from a toy, and he looks up into the mirror to see how flushed his face is, sweat dripping down his temples.

horniness overrides his embarrassment as he swivels his hips against the toy, the tip of his dick reaching out the other side of it. he slowly slides back out of the toy before slamming his hips back into it. the warmth sends shivers down his spine, and he can’t help but think about how you would be begging for him to move already. “c-can’t let my baby wait, right?” he whispers out to the hypothetical thought of you under him.

he lets his hips move on their own, his mind completely filled with the thought of you. whimpers slip out from the drag of his tip against the toy. if you were here with him, he’d force you up to look at the two of you in the mirror, he’d whisper in your ear and tell you how dirty you are. instead, he looks up and sees the image of him, his hair sticking to his forehead and fog filling up his glass lenses. how dirty.

whimpers of your name fill the restroom, and if he thinks hard enough, he can feel you in front of him. his hips slapping against your ass, his hands would grip onto your hips before moving onto your chest to grope around. he’d bite down onto your shoulder before licking a strip up your neck. your hand would reach for his to drag it down to your clit. “my baby needs more?” and you would nod along to his words, whimpering out a please, haechan.

of course, he would always give you what you want. his hand moves to the front of the pocket pussy, rubbing at the clit, his other hand tightening around the toy to imagine how it would feel for you to clench around him. his cock presses deep inside, everything feeling too much for him to hold back anymore.

“tell me what you need, baby, ‘m so close- oh fuck- need you to talk to me.” haechan would groan in your ear. he imagines you would babble back to him, “please let me cum, love you so much, always wanted this, please make me cum haechan.”

he’s huffing, heavy breaths turning to whimpers. it feels too real, as if you were really there with him. how soft your skin would feel, how your voice and your moans would tell him everything he needs to hear. how your tight pussy would suck him in, cementing how much you really love him. you would tell him how much you love him, how good of a boyfriend he is. you would try to reach back to kiss him softly on his lips, contrasting your perverse actions.

he’s too far in his head to realize that he’s the pervert. he’s pathetically getting himself off to you, who he’s only talked to once, with a fake pussy. he could’ve just gone to sleep, seen you tomorrow and asked if you would like to hang out with him, but he’s doing this. he can’t talk to you normally, so he needs to fuck a toy in order to feel close to you. you mean so much to him, and you’ve only shown interest in him once. that’s all he needs from someone like you, pretty enough for him to imagine cumming deep in you.

“you’d let me cum in you, r-right? let everyone know who you belong to?” he’s rambling now, pretending you’re nodding along to his words, telling him to shove his cum deep inside of you. his fingers messily rub against the clit, his mouth open, drool spilling past his lips. his glasses slip down his nose, too sweaty and too fogged up for him to see out of anyway.

his dick is twitching, his balls tightening. although he wishes he could be like this forever, the moment is ending too fast for him to stop. “gonna give you everything,” a loud moan cuts him off, “i love you so much.”

his dick slams into the toy, spurts of cum drip out of his tip and into the sink. his hips subconsciously move on their own in order to release the last of his cum into the toy. he has to catch his breath, the orgasm feeling too real. he slowly slips out of the toy, feeling too overly sensitive to move too fast.

he keeps his tip at the entrance, watching the last of his cum slip out of the toy. it feels too real, and his fingers move absentmindedly to shove the cum back into the fake pussy. after a few moments, it feels as though he’s regained consciousness. he looks around to see his cum all over the sink and on his fingers. he sighs, using his clean hand to scratch the back of his sweaty neck.

he’s not sure how he’s going to look you in the eyes tomorrow.

taglist: @froggyforyoongi

[lunaforyou]

Primes Reborn AU spoilers below the cut, if you want to wait until the fanfic is done don't read.

WARNINGS miscarriage scare, violence, a little angst for the soul.

(everything turns out okay don't worry)

Sooooo, after kid number three, Optimus is already getting used to this. Hey, why fight the Matrix when he can work with it?

Besides, it's vindicative to be able to un-do most of Sentinel's damage, after giving the miners cogs that is. His frag up doesn't have to haunt their entire species forever.

Nevermind that the Matrix takes bits and pieces out of him in lieu of transfluid, since, well, the sparklings have to come from somewhere.

If undoing the damage Sentinel did entails energon, sweat and tears every time, so be it.

So he decides to find a spot he feels safe in and build a nest!

His unfortunate ass only feels safe in the cave of the primes though.

No biggie! He just has to make a comfortable spot.

In a cave full of corpses.

Great.

By the time he is finally done he is so wiped out that he falls asleep in the nest immediately.

And then he wakes up to the sound of a fusion canon. Being aimed at his face.

Oh right, Megatron.

So they start to fight, Optimus is always trying to diffuse it and keep his shit together, like, invading a nest is extremely distressing for the carrier. It's not like Megatron knows he is invading a nest, because even he wouldn't go that low goddamnit.

And then Megatron taunts him with something along the lines of;

"Look at yourself, Prime. You have gone soft with time, literally." (I'm still working on what he says, don't be too rude)

And Optimus, the fool that he is, looks down at himself. He really shouldn't have done that because that gives Megatron an opening to hit him.

In the gut.

He immediately falls to the floor in pain. And Megatron goes "I won't have mercy on you because you feel a little pain, Prime"

He can't even finish the sentence though, Optimus interjects with "She isn't moving"

It takes a second for Megatron to realize what he means.

He immediately scrambles to help, however he can. He lifts Optimus up and places him in the nest, and really he can't do much but it's better than doing nothing!

The blow triggered the emergence, and little Solus is born unconscious. This time, the other primes' spirits are mysteriously absent.

When he has her in his arms, Megatron shakes her up a little bit, to see if she wakes up. To which Optimus tells him that it's useless, her body is weak without a sire bond, and that she'll die.

And without thinking, this other fool just.

Opens his spark chamber.

You see, to form a sire bond, the spark of the carrier acts as a bridge between the sparkling and the sire's spark.

Want to guess where this is going?

.

.

.

.

.

That's right! Megatron and Optimus spark bond to save little Solus, you get nothing for guessing correctly <3

They coax her spark chamber open and the three of them bond. After the bond takes, Solus starts crying, and thank Primus she is crying, Megatron doesn't think he could have lived with the guilt if his little one died because of him.

And then Optimus takes her in his arms and Megatron's world expands by five.

They look so, so beautiful. And suddenly everything that's right in the world is in that cave, in the nest that his love made.

Because yes, that's his love now (never stopped being his love) and that's his sparkling. And Primus damn it he is not going to let go of them.

And then he looks at little Solus, and cries a little and says something along the lines of "She's perfect"

And then Optimus hits him with the "You say that because you haven't seen the other three"

Megatron cries a little more.

And the name of the AU is STILL Primes Reborn. :)

[zhongrin]

insignificant (pt.1 / 2)

◇ characters ◇ al haitham, cyno, wanderer, ayato

◇ tags ◇ angst, hurt no comfort, major character death (you), slight description of dead bodies, hints of wanderer's story spoiler, hints of cyno's backstory spoiler

◇ a/n ◇ happy birthday kazu @kazuuaki ily <3

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

numb.

when the news reached al haitham's ears, it feels like something was forcefully carved out of him. it’s a nostalgic feeling, but it was still unwelcome nonetheless. he moves on auto-pilot from thereon; nodding and following the messenger calmly, expression as stony as ever despite the dimming of his previously verdant green optics.

even when he sees your body - bruises and scratches marring your skin, the unnatural bend of your joints... and yet still, you look like the most gorgeous being in his eyes - he doesn’t cry. he simply confirms your identity before walking out of the morgue and immediately starting on preparations of your funeral.

he doesn’t want to touch you because he wants to remember your soft, warm hug as you left that morning for a commission, and not the chilling cold as rigor mortis settled in. he doesn’t want to see you any longer because he fears he’ll forget the lively grin on your expression and the love in your eyes as you promised each other to take care and stay safe-

never in his life had he imagined you would be the one who would break your promise to each other first.

but then again, the fact that you chose him at all was a big mystery even to him. what else did you see in him besides his intellect and stability? did you really mean it when you said you didn’t mind his bluntness and selfishness? did you ever regret getting into a relationship with him? did you ever dream of the same future that he saw in his own dreams?

in your last moments, did you think of the future you lost with him? did you curse him for not being there? did you…. at least…. pass on instantly?

the thoughts continue to run in circles inside his head, breaking the sentences of the book he reads and the paperwork he needs to sign as the acting grand sage. he finds himself continuously turning up the volume of the music in his soundproof headphones. his attention span diminishes. his temper worsens.

"are you hearing yourself right now?" kaveh seethes, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

a blank and stone-cold facade is all he gets from al haitham, “this is a meaningless topic to dwell on. i have made my statement clear and if you can’t see my point, i’m afraid it would be impossible to find a middle ground.”

“ugh, i swear to archons, you’re as stubborn as a mule! i really don’t understand why [name] likes y-” the blonde halts, the annoyance in his expression dropping into guilt and horror in mere milliseconds.

a chilly silence falls.

“i-i’m sorry. that was insensitive of-”

the older male's breath hitched. years of knowing the scribe as an acquaintance-turned-roommate, and yet this expression was a completely new sight to the architect. sure, kaveh does find the silver-haired male annoying sometimes, but he was no heartless monster - in fact, that was a title he thought his roommate held…

… that is, until today, as he witnessed the first tear fall down his roommate’s eye, therefore proving his hypothesis completely and utterly wrong.

“al haitham...”

“i don’t understand either.”

and he supposes it would stay as the one mystery he would never be able to unravel, for he would never be able to ask you now that you’re gone.

death is something the general mahamatra deals with almost on a daily basis.

it haunts him constantly; whenever cyno judges his targets with the scales of justice, he risks losing his life to the spirit that resides within him. not only that, there’s no denying the dangers that lurk just around the corner, ready to ambush him the moment he lets his guard down, given his position and the way he has to deal with criminals.

which is why whenever he has to do his duties, he always makes sure to kiss you goodbye and promises you that he’ll come back safely. to which you always reply with that lovely smile of yours and a cheerful “and i promise i’ll always be waiting for you back home!”

his dance with death is a neverending tahtib. one slight mistake could be fatal, yet cyno is anything but careless.

but what can the strongest and the most careful individual do against nature’s will?

his confident steps faltered when he received the briefing while the locals explained the situation as they walked towards the tent. several bodies had been found earlier in the day, and they suspected it was caused by the massive sandstorm that happened overnight. seeing as the victims were akademiya scholars, the villagers had asked for some people to help identify the bodies. conveniently, cyno and tighnari had been in the area, so they had volunteered to help.

the two slipped under the tent flap and the first thing cyno notices is the familiar shade of your hair.

as if he’s in a trance, his bare feet move instinctively. his heart rattles against his chest as he stops right by your side, ruby reds shaking horribly.

this has got to be a dream, right?

he dropped to his knees, uncaring of how the rough sand dug into his skin as he reaches out to trace the lacerations on your face; no doubt caused by all the sand. some of them are still stuck on your eyelashes too; and he prayed for them to flutter, to show some kind of movement, to quickly end this horrible nightmare he’s having in the middle of the day.

“cyno…”

his friend’s voice is soft and laden with sadness, as if the fox hybrid could feel the way his very soul is cracking at the edges. his calloused hands - the very same ones you used to pepper kisses upon kisses - clench around your sleeve.

“and i promise i’ll always be waiting for you back home!”

“you promised… you promised!!”

tighnari’s arms wrap around him, and he crumbles. the infamously stern and unwavering general mahamatra, broken and vulnerable, tears rapidly streaming down his bronze skin as he bit his lips until they bled to stifle the whimpers and sobs racking his body. he could barely hear his friend’s worried calls of his name. the arms around him felt suffocating and wrong because they weren’t yours.

he would never be able to feel that warm, floaty sensation from your hugs, ever again. you weren’t coming back. he will be stuck in this perpetual nightmare for as long as he lived.

“they promised….”

“……… i’m so sorry, cyno.”

as a puppet, wanderer is fortunate enough to not need many things that others find crucial to live with.

he does not need a name. after all the misdeeds he did, it felt wrong to desire such a human necessity. and yet you gave him a name nonetheless - a beautiful acknowledgment of his existence and a gift that ties you to him. they sound heavenly when the syllables fall from your lips, and he would never admit it but every time you call him that he could feel the desire to live up to your wishes behind such a precious benefaction.

he does not need love. he had craved it enough. groveled and begged for it enough at the start of his archon-made life. he tells himself he does not need the fickle emotion. not from his creator, and certainly not from a measly human who was too stubborn to let him be. still, you gave it to him with your bare hands, bit by bit, ever so patient and fleeting, with your honeyed whispers and gentlest touches upon his wooden skin. and oh, what a marvel it was, to bask in them.

he does not need to eat or drink. while he can taste and digest organic sustenances, his body didn’t exactly need them to function properly. his ‘mother’ could have taken his tastebuds and he was convinced he would not have minded… before he met you, that is. for how else was he going to taste your sweet lips and savor the intoxicating taste of your skin? and the way he just can’t seem to get enough, how he keeps starving for more, how he keeps having these funny feelings in his stomach - was it what the mortals call them “hunger pangs”? or perhaps it was something else? - whenever you are not by his side… you make him malfunction and he hates you for it.

he does not cry and he certainly does not need to cry.

so why are there liquids seeping down his polished cheeks and dropping onto your still hand?

“fix them.”

the small dendro archon returns his empty stare with a sympathetic frown. his jaw sets.

“fix them.”

he repeats, yet she remains unmoving; her green eyes flicking back down at your unmoving body.

“please.”

he does not breathe, but the pain in his voice and the cracks in his plea mimic that of a breathless, pained human.

nahida looks back at him, and then she steps forward.

something tugs within him. a little spark. a familiar sensation. one you frequently elicit from him, with your annoyingly endearing laughs and silly declarations of love.

the deity’s little hand places over your glazed eyes and closes them gently. then, she steps back.

the small spark fizzles and dies.

“not even us archons can bring back souls long since left for the afterlife into a dead body. this is the very law of nature itself,” she gives him a pained look, “you know of this.”

“…. please…”

“i know it hurts, little one. this too, proves that you’re no different than a hu-”

“THEN END ME ALREADY! LET ME PERISH!!”

for his heart has stopped beating, so why was he still alive?

“ayato.”

his name falls from your lips like the stars falling from the sky this rainy night. the downpour continues to make the ground muddy and the workers continuously struggle not to slip as they wrestle with the soil. it was not the ideal weather for this event and truthfully had he wanted he could probably order to stop the whole thing or use his vision to help with all the rainwater.

“i just feel like i needed to tell you.”

but the blue hydro gem merely hangs uselessly on his hip, along with the rest of his clothes, clinging uncomfortably onto his body. the umbrellas held by thoma hadn’t done their jobs properly, but the blonde housekeeper does not dare utter a word as the two siblings continued to stand side by side in silence, staring at one singular point.

“if, one day, you need to choose between the kamisato clan and me…”

to the elders in the family, it is a familiar sight. they could see it as if it was just yesterday. the same scene, the same setting - just a different place and with a younger version of the current lord and lady of the house. the girl had clung to her older brother, sniffling and choking back sobs, as the latter held her tightly, but with a sort of resolve that didn’t exactly fit his young visage.

just like last time, ayato watches silently as one of the most important people in his life is taken further and further away from him. as the wooden crest of the kamisato clan is eventually covered by the dirt. as his memory frays and his heart screams in pain and tears itself inside out behind his white robes.

as the pristine tomb with your epitaph marking your final resting place settles on its place.

his father.

his mother.

you.

all of whom should have been his family. all of whom he had sworn to protect and cherish.

“… i will not resent you for the choice you make.”

but [name], dearest, i will forever resent myself for the choice i made.

his vision never does shimmer as brilliantly as before from thereon.

© zhongrin | 2023 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

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[pinkeoni]

Will & Billy: The Child and the Shadow

I recently read a book of essays from sci-fi and fantasy writer, Ursula K. Le Guin. Her essay "The Child and the Shadow" opens with a recount of a short story by Hans Christian Anderson, in which a man physically separates himself from his shadow. To keep a short story even shorter, neither the man nor his shadow is able to live a fulfilling life without the other. They need each other, both the light and the shadow, to be whole.

In season 2, the same season where Will is being haunted by a mysterious shadow, we are introduced to another William: Billy.

Will and Billy never have any meaningful interactions, or any real interactions at all, yet their stories are given so many interest similarities that are hard to ignore. They both come form abusive fathers, they both fell into possession by Vecna/the Mind Flayer, and of course, they both share the same name.

I think that, at least on a subconscious level, Will and Billy are meant to serve as two halves of one whole William. The light and dark. The child and the shadow.

Despite their similarities, Billy and Will are noticeably much different people. Will is kind and sensitive, but we've also seen how he often lets people walk all over him and withholds his feelings from others. Billy is confident and outgoing, but he's also aggressive and abusive.

I think the biggest difference between Will and Billy is their individual sexuality, and how those affect both how they act and how they are perceived. Will is ostracized from the towns people and referred to as Zombie Boy, which I've explained in a separate post how this ties into the eighties small town homophobia. Will is also sexually repressed, not being able to or allowing himself to display any of these desires. Billy is well received by the town from the get go, and wears his sexuality on his sleeve. We get a line from Max in season 3 indicating that Billy has frequent sexual encounters.

But his desire and selfishness is also what leads him to his demise. Billy is possessed while on his way to a steamy encounter with Mrs. Wheeler, a woman he knows is married. While this affair isn't necessarily a direct cause for his possession, I do think it's meant to be a consequence for his actions.

Will's problem in season 2 has to do with his emotional repression, he isn't able to tell his mother about the Mind Flayer until it's too late. And while I think that his possession might have been inevitable even if he had told her, what ends up freeing Will in the end is his family (and Nancy).

Le Guin uses both Jungian philosophy and Taoist beliefs to explain this idea of light and shadow, and how it applies to fiction. She explains that the journey of the hero is not dictated purely by light, but by the discovery of both.

"The only way for a youngster to get past the paralyzing self-blame and self-disgust of this stage is really go look at that shadow, to face it, warts and fangs and pimples and claws and all—to accept it as himself—as part of himself. The ugliest part, but not the weakest. For the shadow is the guide. The guide inward and out again; downward and up again; there, as Bilbo the Hobbit said, and back again. The guide of the journey to self-knowledge, to adulthood, to the light."

In keeping with Le Guin's Taoist beliefs, I believe that Will and Billy are meant to be these two halves of Yin and Yang. Will, the light, and Billy, the dark. But the two halves stand alone, unable to be whole. I wish that the show could have given us interactions between Will and Billy, especially in season 3. I think that their similar histories could have lead to interesting conversations.

Billy's darkness ultimately leads to his demise. He is maybe able to see the light at the very end, but it's too late, and the consequence of Billy's exploits ends in his death, where he is quite literally killed by the shadow itself.

I'm not saying that Will is going to die (at least not permanently, but that's a post for another day) but I do think that this ending for Billy is meant to show where Will's story could go, if he does not look inward and accept his own inner darkness. We see a little bit of this in season 2 before it is evaded— Will could be consumed by shadow until it eventually kills him.

So I think that this is where Will's story is going in season 5. In order for him to come-of-age, he is going to have to do what Billy couldn't, and become whole. I think for Will's story that means confronting own desires, and overcoming the shame that comes with it. He needs to turn inward and face the darkness inside of himself, before coming back to the light.

[twig-tea]

I'm still processing the end of Love in the Big City the series, but I wanted to jot down a few details and unfinished thoughts that are sticking with me after episodes 7 and 8 [series-only thoughts].

Putting together the timeline made me realize how many important moments in Yeong's life share or are near to the same anniversary; We know he contracts HIV in February (2014), and that Gyu-Ho leaves in February (2022), and that Yeong quits his job in February (2023).

In ep5, we see Yeong's phone where he has three missed calls from Gyu-Ho, and we can see that he's saved Gyu-Ho's name as Q~❤ [hearto], and that probably contributed to why he had hope that the mysterious Q was Gyu-Ho.

We see Yeong finish the soy sauce, and he said it was expired back when they were living together, so that means it's another year out of date. There's something in this metaphor about hanging on past when things are good and finally being able to let go.

When Gyu-Ho first looks at the elephants in the cheap Bangkok motel they were a pair on that nightstand, and he only took one of them.

The metaphor of the ceiling fan hanging over them like a threat the one time they have sex without a condom, how the trust that the fan will not fall feels similar to the trust that the PrEP pills will do their job. Thinking about the way Yeong says Kylie is his and how he wants to be sure she'll remain only his.

And how that ceiling fan ties connects with Habibi and his photos of ceiling fans, how the ceiling is the last thing he saw before he went blind for two weeks and so he takes photos of them in every hotel, how he uses it as his profile picture on hookup apps, how he is hiding from his family and the life he doesn't want by spending time with people on the verge of breaking, but holding on.

The way Gyu-Ho haunts the narrative in episodes 7 and 8 the way Kylie haunted the narrative in 5 and 6.

The perspective we got on the scenes from Yeong and Gyu-Ho's trip to Bangkok in 7&8 contrasted with the version we got in 5&6 was so well done; both versions fit together really well but cannot be fully reconciled because our memories are never perfect, and a person is not a character in a novel.

I also found myself pondering how they shot the scenes that reprise across Parts; did they have both directors on site for these moments and shoot them in the same day? The technical aspect of these is so interesting to me because of the different directors and how different these shots looked (not just in the nuances of how they were acted, but how they were coloured, framed, everything).

There's something in my head about how writing was what drove a wedge between them when they were together, what Yeong tried to use to keep them together forever on the lantern (and instead what tore up the lantern), and what he used to remember Gyu-Ho when they were apart.

Something also about how Eun Su was so much better off not being married, I was so relieved when we found out the wedding had been called off, and how the pressure to hide how he was feeling about what was happening in his life was what made him feel closer to Yeong.

I was just so relieved when the T-aras fell through that door after Yeong tried celebrating quitting his job by himself and instead fell into a depression for six days. I have had friends do a similar wellness check for me and I will never forget how loved it made me feel when I thought I was unlovable. I'm just so glad Yeong had the T-aras in his life; and their presence in this section was complicated but deeply moving. I'm still working through everything I think about how they functioned in the series, but I am so, so grateful for them, and to this series as a whole.

I absolutely loved it.

[kats-fic-recs]

Kat's Ultimate MUST READ All time Favorite Ushiten Fic Rec Extravaganza

I don't know what it is about these two that has me in a chokehold, but I'm so in love with their relationship. I love a good weirdo x weirdo dynamic, and Ushiten checks off all the boxes for me. I feel as though I've read every single Ushiten fic on Ao3, and so I figured I'd put all of my favorites together in one list for easy access. I've read all the fics below multiple times, and yet they continuously haunt me because of how well written they are.

Canon High School Fics:

1. An Unremarkable Proposal

It's a completely unremarkable Thursday afternoon, and Tendou would have been happy passing the day making out with his boyfriend and never remembering a single thing about it. You know, if Ushijima hadn't suddenly declared that he wanted to marry him.

2. For Luck

the squeeze of a shoulder before a match becomes the brush of hands becomes the soft whisper of lips on a cheek becomes the wet warmth of lips sliding against lips.

“For luck.”

Or, the lie that the kisses are for luck can only last so long.

3. Tending to a Wounded Heart

"Now, Iwaizumi-san, while I am flattered by your interest and must admit you’re very attractive, I must inform you my heart belongs to another, and I’m not sure your dear captain Oikaw-“ Satori wasn’t even able to finish his jest, as a fuming Iwaizumi interrupted him. A blush blooming from his hairline down to his neck.

“I’M NOT HITTING ON YOU, DUMBASS!”

...

After being discovered in the midst of breakdown in the bathroom of Seijoh, Tendou Satori strikes up an unusual friendship with Iwaizumi who seems keen on helping Tendou navigate his own unrequited feelings, despite ignoring his own.

All the while Tendou's teammates are becoming more and more concerned with their blocker's new behavior and mysterious texting buddy.

4. Unforgivable Acts

All Ushijima has to do is apologize for punching a rival school kid in the face, and everything will clear up. Unfortunately, that would require him to admit that defending Tendou was wrong, and he will not do that.

5. Monster

First year Tendou has braces and a lisp. Ushijima is very gay.

6. rainwater

If rain brings Tendou joy, then Ushijima’s happy for him. It’s not something he’ll ever come to personally understand, and he’s certain that he’ll never share the same enthusiasm for water falling from the sky. Rainwater serves a few good purposes, namely helping plants grow and offering moisture to dry land. But Ushijima doesn’t need to be watered. Maybe Tendou does, though that wouldn’t necessarily make sense to Ushijima.

Unsurprising, because not much about Tendou makes sense to Ushijima in the first place. He supposes it doesn’t have to; he appreciates his friendship regardless, but he does wonder sometimes what it must be like to occupy the same headspace as him.

7. Imperfect Facial Symmetry

Tendou Satori has learned to live with the fact that he doesn't have what anyone would consider an attractive face. This wouldn't normally bother him, except now detail-oriented, perfect Ushijima is analyzing his face and producing every overly apparent, crooked flaw in precise graphite strokes.

Ushijima has learned to live with the fact that he doesn't have the ability to read faces, attractive or not. But there's something about Tendou's that he can't put his finger on. He simply cannot get the drawing right.

8. You're really pushing it (but you're going much too slowly)

"Ow, my fingers." Tendou's face contorts into a mock expression of anguish, but there's too much amusement in his brows for Wakatoshi to be fooled. He doesn't let go and instead half-drags the blocker off to the side. But Tendou is not so easily thwarted.

"Wakatoshi-kun! Ow! That hurts!" he squawks evilly, playing dirty by getting Coach Washijou's attention.

"Ushijima! What are you doin' over there?"

Wakatoshi lets go like Tendou's hands are on fire. "Nothing. Sorry."

Post - Canon:

1. bonjour, notre paradis

“You’re telling me,” Tendou says, once Wakatoshi finally gets him on a video call, “that you got drunk as hell, asked Hinata Shouyou—of all people!—if you should go to Paris immediately after announcing that you used to hate him, somehow managed to correctly book a flight despite your clearly impaired decision-making, and then shut your damn phone off after texting me?”

Wakatoshi nods. “That about sums it up.”

//

Japan loses to Argentina in the Olympics. Ushijima Wakatoshi loses—and finds—his way forward.

2. Just Wanna Get A Little Bit Closer

When Ushijima agreed to the photoshoot for a sportswear brand he favors, he didn't think he'd be modeling with his ex. They haven't seen each other in years, not since he broke up with Tendou in an airport and sent the other man back to France, both nursing broken hearts.

(He also didn't think he'd end the day fucking his ex in a bathroom, but no one ever called Ushijima a prophet.)

3. The Elusive Blush of Ushijima Wakatoshi

The first time that Tendou made Ushijima blush was before they started dating.

The second time that Tendou made Ushijima blush was two years after his unplanned confession.

The third time that Tendou made Ushijima blush was on accident, half a decade after his previous success.

.........................................................................

In the entire time that he had known him, Tendou Satori had only managed to make one Ushijima Wakatoshi blush a total of 5 times.

A story of the 5 times that Tendou made Ushijima blush + 1 time that he didn't need to.

4. All For the Love of An Energetic Redhead

Hinata is in Brazil. Tendou is in France.

Kageyama and Ushijima get drunk and make bad decisions about it.

5. polaroids & proposals

Wakatoshi pauses with the huge gift in his lap, hand hovering above its crudely tied bow.

“Wanna guess what it is first?” Satori rocks in place, cross-legged on the floor.

“Hmm,” Wakatoshi looks down at Satori from his spot on the chair, then back at the gift. His eyes are narrow in deep thought, “is it the set of luggage we saw at the store last week? I believe I mentioned needing a new set.”

“Oooh, maybe~” Satori bites his lip, anticipation giving him a slight stomach ache, “guess you’ll find out!”

It’s definitely not a set of luggage. Not even close.

6. the language of belonging

After the camera crew and interviewer bids them goodbye, Satori takes them back to his apartment.

“Why do you feel bad?” Wakatoshi’s hand settles against Satori’s thigh. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. “You have many friends, Satori. To you, our friendship is likely not as important. To me, you were the first person who wanted to know me, save for, perhaps, Sakusa. You made me feel …” He seems to struggle with his words for a moment, before he dips his head a little. Satori marvels at the clear sign of embarrassment. “You made me feel less weird. I never had many friends, and I still don’t. You were my first best friend.”

Suffice to say, Satori is speechless.

Outsider Pov:

1. The Mystery of Ushijima Wakatoshi’s Chocolate-Making, Paris-Living Boyfriend

Ushijima having a boyfriend who lives in Paris and makes chocolates isn’t impossible.

But it is a little unbelievable.

Or, five times someone asked about Ushijima’s love life, and one time no one needed to.

2. The years shall run like rabbits

Ushijima’s mother is not sure what to make of the man her son brings home: he’s too loud, too particular, too fond of her son in a way she thinks is rather inappropriate.

Or, Ushijima Akemi watches her son’s relationship with Tendou change over the years and finds herself changing with it.

Alternate Universes:

1. a lesson in vulcan mineralogy

Tendou is sitting in the captain’s chair.

2. died in my dreams

If anyone asked Ushijima how it came to this, he wouldn’t be able to formulate a proper answer

Or, Ushijima likes his quiet, his order, and his solitude.

That is, until a loud, talkative and a little chaotic cyber tech convinces him that that's just plain boring.

3. Executive Excursion

Tendou is fun, quirky, and interesting.Ushijima is none of the above.

It's no surprise that Ushijima is drawn to Tendou's magnetic personality. What's surprising is that Tendou seems to like Ushijima, too.

With a little support from his coworkers, Ushijima decides to take a chance and ask Tendou on a date. The results are better than expected.

4. Tendou's Bakery for Wayward Soulmates

According to common knowledge—and quite a few highly reputable textbooks—there exist in the universe three kinds of soulbonds: those that manifest spontaneously, those that people are born with, and those that stay hidden until their potential is revealed.

Some soulmates connect easily and instantaneously. But other soulbonds prove to be more stubborn. These bonds require a bit more effort…a certain amount of coaxing before they finally appear.

For those unruly, obstinate souls, there is Tendou’s Bakery for Wayward Soulmates.

5. say what you mean (I wanna be with you)

Good morning, Wakatoshi-kun! Isn’t it such a beautiful autumn day today?

They chatted every day before class; Tendou vivid and excitable, Ushijima muted, but still enjoying himself. Except today, when Tendou had sprinted into class just moments before the lecture began, his cheeks flushed with exertion. He flashed Ushijima a bright smile as he slid into his seat, opened his mouth to say something, and was promptly cut off by the start of the lecture.

Not to be deterred, Tendou had written a note instead.

Ushijima feels silly. It takes him a while to decide on a response that doesn’t make him feel even sillier.

Yes, it is a nice day.

Or: 5 times Ushijima couldn’t make sense of the notes Tendou wrote to him in class + 1 time when it finally clicked.

6. The Tendou Incidents

“Where...have you come from?” Ushijima manages.

“Paris.”

It’s not the answer he expects. Though, somehow Paris seems to fit his expectations of the man standing in front of him. “Mm. That is very — ”

“ — Exciting? Glamorous?” the redhead prompts, obviously proud of his globetrotting accomplishment.

“ — Far.”

The man falters for the first time, like he finds Ushijima’s answer odd — despite being even odder himself — and laughs, infectious and hearty, like Ushijima has made some sort of joke.

One fateful day, a colorful, painfully extroverted young man named Tendou Satori moves into the unit above Ushijima's apartment. He's odd, presumptuous, and — most egregious of all — he's shockingly noisy. And the quiet, scheduled routine Ushijima Wakatoshi lives is forever altered.

7. Consecutive Failures

The moment Tendou presents as an omega he knows Ushijima is the one for him, he just has a few issues telling Ushijima that.

Or

The five times Tendou fails to confess and the one time Ushijima does.

8. everything was red

Ushijima brings it up to his mother exactly once, the strange boy who appears in his room at night.

She tells him that it sounds like he has an imaginary friend, and that at nine years old isn’t he a little bit old for this kind of thing?

He doesn’t bring it up again, though later that night he tells Tendou and Tendou’s eyes go bright, his smile sharp and pointed like a shark.

“Do you think I’m imaginary, Wakatoshi-kun?”

9. Don't bother checking my work (i've never cared for math anyway)

It isn’t until Shirabu’s back at LOCCENT that it really sinks in. Forty-eight wins? An impressive number, true, and a definite sign of Ushijima’s strength, especially compared to Tendou. But in anyone else, an unbalanced score like that would indicate a depressingly low chance of drift compatibility.

Drifting with Ushijima was simple statistically, but potentially deadly realistically. And drifting with Tendou? A veritable nightmare. If not for Washijou’s insistence, Shirabu would have dropped him long ago.

Still, something is calling to him. Something beyond numbers and data projections.

Because Ushijima may have knocked Tendou down forty-eight times. But that means there were forty-nine times he got back up.

10. Day Shift (Night Shift)

Every day, Ushijima Wakatoshi sits down at his nondescript, generic grey cubicle, ready to do sports education work for the JVA.

Every day, there is a letter waiting for him from someone who works on the night shift.

Ushijima doesn’t know who it is. But he always writes back.

11. ENDINGS/BEGINNINGS

New beginnings come only at the cost of other endings. The two cannot survive together. It is not a symbiotic relationship; it is a mutually destructive one.

On the cusp of achieving all of his dreams, professional volleyball player and one time Olympic medalist Ushijima Wakatoshi goes down. One wrong landing, one torn ACL.

In the blink of an eye, his future collapses. His volleyball career ends.

His coach tells him: it’s all over.

His father tells him: Nothing is meant to last forever. Once you learn to let one door close, another will open.

Now Ushijima, aged 24, has to somehow learn how to begin again. He doesn’t know where to start, or if he even wants to. That's where Tendou Satori comes in.

If you've reached this point, I am very impressed lol!

[honey-minded-hivemind]

Horsemen of the Apocalypse AU is a dark au where Reader, a newer mutant to the Xavier Institute, is learning how to use their powers and get along with the others. They slowly grow on them, especially Logan and Scott and Rogue and Kitty, and are a pretty nice person.

But they start to grow obsessed with stopping a prophecy that has haunted the mutants for over two thousand years, one depicting the end of the world, the rise of a new era, and four mysterious beings who bring it about...

Reader, going through all the notes they can and taking photos of hieroglyphs and old texts and tomes, makes a large journal, so they can decipher what they say, and try and find who the prophecy foretells, and convince them to not fulfill it. Reader is hopeful, and a bit secretive, only sharing their discoveries with the adults...

Reader slowly deciphers the book, making out that the four horses depicted in the texts are statuettes, kept in different museums and antique places, and gets Xavier to have missions to find them and collect them, so they don't fall into the wrong hands. Reader is able to decipher who each Horseman is, and is careful to reveal only the first three, asking for words of comfort and wisdom from their dad-like figure Logan and their grandpa-like figure Xavier, swearing them to secrecy about it... (they don't reveal the fourth one, feeling a need to just... not).

Reader gets to know the other four individually, and has plans to make sure this prophecy never comes to pass!

Sadly...

The older mutants already had a plan in place, one long before they ever knew the kids...

The plan was simple: Once they knew who the four Horsemen were, they'd kill them. If they're dead, then the end won't come, and the many mutants amd humans will be saved, right?

But... now they know these kids... They're their babyies... their cubs and pups and young ones and own children... how can they do this? Logan doesn't want to, but he knows that if they don't, it could end the world and the others... Xavier doesn't want to lose them, but the needs of the many outweigh the few... Erik and Victor don't want more blood on their hands, not from one of their own, but, this is the fate of the world, of everyone else they care about at stake; can they really put a few lives ahead of the other kids/cubs?

Over the next three days, Reader feels unwell, uneasy, worried. They'd felt a sharp pain one night, and they'd cried, not knowing what had happened, just that something terrible had (Remy had died, asphyxiatied to death by a man he saw as a father, Sabretooth...)... The next day, Reader and Logan are sent to the cold moutains to find something that could stop the apocalypse...

Reader is asleep, deep asleep, when they feel a deep pain in their chest, and they wake up (Scott had died, falling to wild animals in the woods, fighting until he couldn't anymore...)...

And standing above Reader, claws high above them, a pained expression on his face, is Logan...

Reader runs, grabbing their journal and fleeing down the trail, trying not to fall off or through any cracks or holes. But eventually they tumble down, down, down, through a crack, and into the freezing depths... they spend the last few days starving and freezing to death, determined to not be found, lest the last of then die... they die curled up in the icy dark, the journal in the satchel next to them...

But it's too late. They're found a few days later, and so is their book. And with the final name known, the last member is killed, poisoned, and dies in his sleep... (Pietro, held tight by his father, who apologizes for all of this, that it isn't more peaceful, that it was him, that it was not someone else...)

But this doesn't stop the prophecy... it only fulfills it...

The great goddess, Death, brings about the great changes, taking away those who die of war and fighting, starvation and hunger, poison and disease, and when the world is cleaned save for the last struggling few, she places a curse or blessing upon them:

For their actions, they will protect and serve the ones they killed... and for the love they had for them, they will be their Angels, their Protectors, and have high places of honor in this new world...

It is both a blessing and curse, as they reminded day and night of what they'd done, of who they lost, and wait to bring them back... and they do, giving the fruit and medicine of Lethe to them, washing away their pains and cleansing their mind and bodies. They keep them fed, safe, warm, loved, hidden in their temples, curled up in nests and beds, cradles if they're turned into helpless babes to better help their minds adjust...

Except Reader, when they're finally awake, and barely remembers their own name, stumbles out of their straps and tubes and cot/pod, and goes to find the key to their past and who they, and these strange people, are...

(But they're missed, terribly, by their brothers and fathers and mothers and other siblings, the entire world misses them, for without the love amd care of the One Over Famine, how can their be crops and harvest and sweet water and fresh food? How can their parents, their Angels and Protectors, rest, when their little one is not safely in their nest, fed and sleepy and safe from harm and pain? How can their brothers rest without their sibling, how can they feel warm and complete? How can their other siblings care for them, hug them, if they aren't there to do so?)

And so the hunt for Famine, for Reader, begins...

( And the statuettes turn into horseys, and are very beautiful and big and love their riders and dedicated ones)

@thewickedweiner @sugar-soda @vivid-bun @danni1323 @weebwholovesuchihasasuke @crowwithguns Ask all the questions you want! I have ideas for this au, and I'm ready to talk about it! (And yes, the horses have names!)

[chimneyz]

here is a scene for the bucktommy post break up fix it fic i've been working on:

Forty years he’s been alive, forty years today has Tommy been stumbling through life, and what does he have to show for it? Sure he has a house, hobbies, and a very select few friends but not much to show for these forty years. He’s lived longer than he expected, that could possibly be a bonus. But Tommy was lonely, this was even more evident as he sits alone in his dark house at night on his birthday with a pint of ice cream in hand. He hasn’t been able to bring himself to eat any real food, mostly sweets and the occasional bag of chips. Sleep didn’t really exist in this new chapter of Tommy Kinard. He tugs the old LAFD hoodie closer, inhaling its scent, Ev- Buck’s scent.

God he’s gotta stop doing that. It’s Buck now, just Buck.

What a birthday this turned out to be. Tommy’s mind wandered to his mother a lot today, he officially outlived her today. His mother never had the fortune of living to the age of 40, he didn’t know how to feel about it to be perfectly honest. His mind spinned from the memory of that day, the day he lost her.

Picking up the remote, Tommy raises the volume of the tv hoping the voices of Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck push away the memories of his past, recent and decades old that haunt every fiber of his being. Tommy slumps down further onto the couch as the two old Hollywood stars toured the ever so beautiful Rome. For decades Roman Holiday was his go to comfort movie, that was until he stumbled upon Love, Actually. His father called him a pussy for it but it was his mother’s favorite. He didn’t watch it much after his mother passed but on nights when his father went on another drinking bender Tommy would search the channels for this old romantic comedy, every so often luck would be on his side with it airing on one of the channels. He probably should have known he was gay a lot sooner with how mesmerized he was with the effortlessly handsome Gregory Peck.

Knock knock knock.

Startled, Tommy snapped back to the present, a pit forming in his stomach. Why does he feel nauseous? He shouldn’t feel nauseous. God he hopes it isn’t Ev-

Knock knock knock!

God the knocking isn’t stopping, whom ever it is better have a good fucking reason to bother Tommy this late into the night. Tommy slams the pint of ice cream down onto the coffee table and walks down the hall to the front door, his feet pounding on the antique hardwood floors. Tommy grabs the doorknob to swing open the front door.

“Oh my fucking God will you please sto-... Howie?”

On his porch stood Howie Han, his hand raised from the knocking, the other holding a mysterious white box that Tommy’s eyes immediately landed on.

“Oh good you're awake,” Howie says with a stern look on his face.

W-what are you-”

And more importantly what is inside that box?

Before he could finish what he was saying, Howie brushes past him with the box, knocking against Tommy’s shoulder.

“Man you really screwed the pooch didn’t you?” Howie asked.

Tommy follows him down to the kitchen and watches as Howie places the box on the island, Howie looks at him, his eyebrows knitted with concern.

What is inside that box? It takes everything to not immediately grab it to see what it holds.

“Tommy what happened? I mean Buck hasn’t said all that much, which is unusual for him, but this… it all seems out of nowhere.”

Tommy’s mouth goes dry, his mind trying to spin the right words to say. Howie’s eyes gleamed at him with genuine worry. He can’t take it, darting his eyes away from Howie.

“There is not much to talk about, it’s over.”

“Are you sure it’s over? It doesn’t seem over-over Tommy, not with you wearing that, don’t think I didn’t notice that.”

Fuck! Tommy completely forgot about the hoodie with big large red letters spelling out the name Buckley right in his back. He really should give it back. Is his stuff in that box? No, no, too small.

“It’s none of your concern Howie,” Tommy snaps.

“It kind of is since ya know… he’s my brother in law.”

Tommy presses his lips together.

“What’s in that?” Tommy points to the white box near Howie.

He looks down nearly forgetting it was there to begin with, “Oh right, here. Happy Birthday” Howie slides the box down the countertop to Tommy.

Tommy lifts up the lid to reveal a homemade coconut cream cake resting inside, the sweet aromas bringing Tommy to the verge of tears. His favorite, the one his mother would make for him on his birthday. He remembered telling Buck about the cake his mother used to make when Buck started up baking shortly after they started dating. Buck was always a chef but baking was a bit more, newer.

“Buck made this?”

“Yeah he did - God he was right when he said you saying Buck was weird - he told me to give it to you tonight.”

Tommy stares down at the cake, a wave of emotions overwhelming him. Buck made this for him? On his birthday? What was Buck playing at? He didn’t deserve this, not after everything…

“You have time to fix this Tommy,” Howie says “He misses you, a-and I know he would take you back if you would just-”

“It is over Howie!” Tommy has had enough, “It’s over, it’s done, there is no going back!”

Tears start to spill down his cheeks.

“Tommy…”

He bangs his fist onto the counter startling Howie.

“P-Please just leave.”

Howie nods slowly leaving the kitchen, he stops short not looking back at Tommy. “I will be back, I am not letting you build up those walls again, Kinard, not on my watch.”

Tommy listens as Howie’s footsteps walk further down the hall and the click of the door closes behind. A stifled sob echoes through the house as Tommy buries his face in his hands.

Happy fucking Birthday indeed.

[slay00ryu]

kc x unintentionally therapeutic mc? like an mc that is like a safe space for them? :D

A killer's soothing lover.

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

Ronin:

At first, Ronin felt a strange sense of uneasiness when he felt just how comforting your presence was for him. He wasn't someone to feel like someone could soothe all the voices in his head with a single look, touch or by saying some comforting bullshit. Yet, here he was. Looking at his partner who's presence felt like heaven for his broken mind. He felt the need to spend more and more time with you, using more methods of corruption to ensure himself that you will be rotten enough to never leave him, but still sane to keep soothing him.

"What's on your mind, Ro?" Their voice made the killer return to reality. He turned his head to look at MC who was currently playing with his plum coloured hair. "About how strange you are darlin'." He replied half honestly. Their strange ability to make him calm and feel completely relaxed was a mystery for Ronin, a mystery he wasn't really interested in solving. What would it change anyway? Nothing. He would still feel this unknown to him sense of relaxation. "And what's so strange about me?" You asked and took a hold of his hand and rubbed its back with your thumb. "Hah, it would be easier to say what's normal about you. We're both fucked up darlin', fucked up and together." He kissed the back of your hand. Ronin was sitting on the floor while you were seated on the sofa, so it was only natural that he leaned his head on your lap.

"I love being fucked up with you Ro." You said with a gentle smile as you brushed some hair from his eyes so you could look into that beautiful abyss hiding behind them. "You really like this? The grotesqueness." He asked, his voice softer and definitely quieter than before. You smiled softly and poked his nose. "Ronin, this grotesqueness is a part of you. I love every part of you even the ones that I haven't discovered yet. You're my boyfriend Ro." You cupped his face in your hands and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. "I know that your life before you could be yourself was extremely terrible and I will be never able to imagine it or completely understand it, but I am not someone from your past. I will stick with you until my body rots and even in hell I will haunt you for eternity." Your confession and declaration, gave him a great sense of safety. You wanted to see every part he was willing to show, you could wait and wouldn't question his choices. How in the hell did he find someone like you? He will never understand. But he's willing to burn this whole damned world at your whim.

V:

The Vigilante never felt particularity save in anyone's company. Especially when he met them through the serial killer server, so this new sensation that he felt with every new voice call, message or meeting with you was something he would never expect.

There were moments when Valentin felt particularly bothered by the murders he commits, those small doubts if he truly was any different from the bastards he erases from this earthy vale. This one was of these moments, V was looking down at his hands while he was sitting on his bed. You just entered the room and immediately stopped in your tracks when you noticed him in that well known for you state. You took a deep breath and quietly approached him to sit next to him. To break V out of his busy mind, you took a hold of his hand and squeezed it. This sudden motion started him and he turned his head to you. "My dear, when did you come back?" The man's voice was laced with self doubt, but you felt his previously tense body relax with you right next to him. "Not too long ago. Are you doubting your morale again?" You asked and leaned your head on his shoulder. Your question was answered with a long sigh and him leaning his head against yours. "What if I am no different from these beasts and devils I swore to clean this world of?" V's hand squeezed your hand. You smiled softly and sat straight, he looked at you and you used this chance to gently kiss him on the lips. This sudden action left him stunned and flustered. "You're not a monster Valentin, you could never be a beast in my eyes. I will repeat this every time you will be faced with doubts, I swear on that." Your words made V's heart melt, he cupped your cheek in his hand. "Thank you, my love." He replied, leaning his forehead against yours with a soft smile forming on his lips.

Misaki:

Misaki is someone who faces self doubt, stress and fear of disappointing someone every so often. At first it was just their parents, because how could anyone want their child to be an assassin? Then it was you, how could you love someone who lives in a small cabin and sends a lot of money to her parents? But to their surprise you were very understanding, you didn't offend her parents, never questioned their choices and asked if you could help them out in some way.

Not even once in their life did they feel so much support from anyone, this loving look in your eyes when you met for the first time was something that Misaki was willing to come back from a assassination for. Just a single thought about you was enough for them to feel motivated to return to you safe and sound.

Misaki was laying in your bed, while you brushed a hand through their hair. "Hey, babe?" They called out loud, earning a "hm?" in response. "Don't you feel disappointed?" After their question your hand immediately froze and you hoovered over them. "What do you mean? With what?" Your gaze was filled with worry and confusion at this sudden question.

"Well, me? I'm an assassin, I kill people to make money, and I can't even keep that money because I need to help out my family." There was a lot of self doubt in their voice and the way they couldn't look into your eyes showed just how your reaction stressed them.

Misaki was caught by surprise when you wrapped your arms around them and kept your head on their shoulder. "Misaki, there't nothing to be disappointed about. Yeah, I don't find the idea of my partner possibly dying while they're at work." You paused and started to play with their hair, since one of your hands was tangled in between them. "But it doesn't change anything. I love you, you're caring and determinated, that's why you're trying to help your parents so much. it's not something to be disappointed with, it's something to praise." All tension from their body was gone after your words. "I can't believe how easy you can just shut up the whole mess in my head." They chuckled awkwardly and ruffled your hair. At least with you around they could relax.

Angel:

Angel had to face of lot of stress, her modeling work was a lot, and adding her channel to that was even more nerve wracking. So after you basically started living with Angel every time she felt stressed you magically appeared behind her with a cup of tea. "Maybe we should watch Black Swan?" You usually ask and she immediately falters. She wasn't sure if it was just her being too tired to fight, or if you were just so good at being her weakness.

This day was no different, you two were laying snuggled on the couch and watching the movie. Angel felt in heaven with your hand rubbing her back and her being able to just feel your scent so clearly and your body so close.

"What's on your mind, Angel?" Your voice reached Maria's ears. It was when she realised that for the whole time she was somewhere else. "Oh, it's... I'm not sure." She chuckled bitterly. "I will be working with a new menager and it's been stressing me out... I'm not sure if I will trust any other menager after Finian." Her voice broke at the thought of her previous menager. It took you a while to help Angel realise just how badly she was treated, so you could understand why she would feel so worried about working with someone new. "An... Maria, it's going to be alright." You barely used her name, so Angel was always caught off guard by the sound of her name leaving your lips. "You're the heartsick angel, if this new menager will be as bad as Finian they will end up jut like him. Me and Ronin are willing to help you with handling this if you will need help, but I know that will do jut perfect without our help." You placed a reassuring kiss on the top of her head.

"Let's focus on resting for now, we will see how the new menager acts once we meet them." And with that Angel was ready to let this situation wait and focus on spending some quality time with her partner for the rest of the night.

¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸

[pyromainiacc]

In Defense of Magnificus

A very very long rant by me. Originally from a rant I posted in a discord server in 2022, modified to be a little more concise. I have to apologize if some of this stuff is incredibly outdated, I haven't really bothered to catch up with newer stuff about the game outside of the game itself yknow... Like twitch streams from the dev and such.

I saw a theory that Magnificus was originally intended to be the villain of the original, in lore Inscryption, but through the rush of making the game as a coverup and developers like Kaycee not making much progress on the development because of said rush, he didn't get finished. And I think if you really analyze his character, everything about him FEELS unfinished.

His character design is super simple compared to the other scrybes. His deck is weak; there are not a lot of hard hitting cards aside from the Stim Mage, and the Magiks system itself feels wonky, as if they didn't have enough time to balance it out. His tower feels empty (Specially that damned bathroom. It haunts me.) His letter stops before its completed, he suddenly disappears mid-sentence... He's the only scrybe to not get a proper 3D version, as the game was mostly deleted by the time we got to him in Act 4, and he might've been the only scrybe that never became hegemon. We don't get to finish his battle, and he doesn't even get a handshake.

And going back to originally being a villain? Maybe that's why he was made to be so cruel to his pupils. P03 is also mean to his subordinates, but they're robots, they're not mean to gain as much sympathy from the player. Meanwhile, Magnificus is established to be mean and perhaps downright evil by the dialogue we get through Act 2. Rebecha speaks about him by saying he's mysterious, stating "Some say he wants... No, it's too terrible to say." But we never know what that refers to, and if it's coded dialogue or her own speech.

Outside of the CODED IN lore behind his pupils suffering, we don't see him being evil AT ALL. In Act 1 he is practically our savior; his throughout preparing was able to get us the film roll, and if we take too long he sends the player VISIONS to guide us in the right way. In Act 2 he attempts to warn the player about P03, his paint leads around to secrets to clue in about the OLD_DATA as well as perhaps serving as warnings for it. At the end of the game he is the only one who is distraught about everything being deleted; Grimora and Leshy accept their deaths, but Magnificus REFUSES to.

But wouldn't a villain rejoice about people dying? About, in his own words, an entire world being destroyed? It's like the original plan for his villainy was there, but he doesn't WANT to be one.

Now as to why he seems to continue to treat his pupils badly. I think it's just.. guilt. I believe he didn't have a choice in making them suffer, they were all just coded into what we know of Act 2. They were all created with the pupils being in torturous states and the game code telling them "It's Magnificus' fault". I think he himself believes this. I believe he could have tried to fix it before. But the thing is that, even if he ever did fix it, if he stopped their pain, it would all be for nothing... because the game resets. The only times it doesn't do this is when a scrybe takes over, which is something he has supposedly never been able to do. And if he were to help them outside of being hegemon they'd just go back to their original state once the new game card was used. I think he simply gave up upon realizing this and instead chose to bury his own grief that comes from it by playing into the character he was originally meant to be; the villain. That, and I think he just doesn't want to look at them... It hurts him to. I believe this is why he painted bleach over Goobert's painting.

I think him being originally an unfinished villain plays into him always being prepared. As I stated before, people often forget how helpful he is- it's due to his preparations that we are able to leave Act 1, he warns about The Great Transcendence in Act 2, warns Luke about the OLD_DATA, and warns him about the fate he'd encounter if he looked upon it. I think Magnificus wants to make up for his "villainy" by being the one the other scrybes and npcs can rely on in a time of need, so he spends every hour of everyday getting ready for the worst, and foreseeing what is gonna happen next.

Thing is that, he never stops anything from happening. He prepares a way out of Leshy's hegemony, but he can't stop it from happening in the first place. It's very probable that he was the one that planned how to stop P03 in Act 3, as we see he has been preparing since at least Act 2. But not only does the P03 hegemony happen, but he is ultimately unable to stop the Great Transcendence once it is in progress. Same thing for the game's deletion, which I believe it is at that point he truly panicked, because he couldn't foresee it or plan for it beforehand. It all feels like... An unfinished character arc. He never got to do anything he wanted.

I think he feels powerless.

Magnificus is often regarded as the worst scrybe. But in a sense, there's no real reason why that should be the case, at least not compared to the others. Like... Leshy took over the game and put the other scrybes into cards. He had good intentions, sure, but that doesn't mean his actions were good. Magnificus lost his eye, Grimora lost her memory, P03.... Was having a bad time...

Hell, the reason people hate Magnificus so much so often is because of the treatment of his pupils... But Leshy isn't all innocent there either. He puts Goobert in a bottle (At least, maybe he does. It's not clear whether it was him or Mags), which we know Goobert REALLY doesn't like, and he also put Goobert's description in the rulebook as "Failure". He also threw the bottle into the river as stated by himself in Kaycee's Mod.

P03... I don't gotta explain this one we know it is an asshole.

...And Grimora deleted the game, which basically killed everyone in it. While she had good intentions, it really only led to the discovery of the OLD_DATA and the subsequent assassination of Luke.

Now, what did Magnificus do? Nothing. Like... Really. He didn't GET to do anything. People dislike him because of his treatment of his pupils, but as I talked about before, I really don't think he can do anything about that, even if he wanted to.

So why do people so easily hate him? Circles back to the theory: Because he's unfinished. Everything about him is unfinished. The other scrybes are loved because we got to finish their arcs... We get to know why they each do what they did.

P03 not so much, but... P03 is a villain of sorts, people like villains and don't need them to be "good" to like them, which I agree with cuz villains are fun! P03 does have some sympathy points somewhere, though, which I'm not gonna go into here.

I'm gonna focus on Grimora and Leshy instead. Their farewells were perfect closure:

Grimora spoke about why she chose to delete the game, and we as the player come to understand her. It was right after her doing it in the first place, so we didn't even get to really build anger towards her. She talks about it being a necessary action- perhaps something we can agree with after knowing everything about the OLD_DATA. She laments not being able to play more with us, but she accepts her death and says goodbye.

Leshy talks about just.. wanting to play. That's all he wants, he just wanted to give us a good story. The original Inscryption is rushed and weird- Act 1, his hegemony, was his attempt to make it better and enjoyable (Which, considering it is the Act people love most, he succeeded.)

The player probably misses him by this point- playing cards with him feels somber, sad, and nostalgic. At this point we consider him a friend. And then he gets deleted after complementing our past deck, speaking about how much he enjoyed his time with us, and saying farewell. It's not something that leaves us with any possible anger towards him.

Magnificus though... He doesn't get that. We never get to talk to him properly, he never speaks about how he feels or why he does things. In Act 1 he spends most of the time in the clock, in Act 2 he gets cut off when trying to speak to us, Act 3 he only speaks a few sentences, and in Act 4..

His farewell is different than the other two. Leshy and Grimora accept their deaths... Magnificus doesn't. He doesn't talk about his feelings or justify his actions, because if you have been holding in your feelings, that is something you do when you can no longer do so. You let them go when you know you're going to die soon.

But he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to die, he can't accept it.

The game he played with us wasn't complete- the scales were gone, so we weren't even supposed to play against him. It was his opportunity to just say what he needed to say before he was gone, but he refused to accept his upcoming death. So instead he tried prolonging the process by using unrealistically high numbers instead of scales (The bigger the number, the longer the game will take, right..?). Even as he felt himself getting deleted he refused to end the game, or even talk to the player properly. For once, he couldn't prepare for the worst, and he was in denial- he was completely powerless and he didn't want to accept it. Instead, he speaks to us about the game deleting. He blames the player for it. He tries to guilt us; "You even allowed my goo mage to get deleted... I thought you two were becoming friends!"

And he doesn't get a handshake. He tried to push his deletion away for so long that he ended up not even being able to finish the match or get the same, proper farewell that Grimora and Leshy got.

I think by now I've said what I needed to say, but I wanna add that... Yeah, I think he's one of the most tragic characters in the game. I think he spends a lot of time being anxious- we don't get a clear answer on if he can see the future or if he is just able to predict it, but either way he lives with a lot of anxiety because of it.

I think the worst part is the deletion of the game and his farewell. He isn't able to let go because he's scared to, and because he has spent his whole life trying to prevent bad things from happening; trying to help his friends to get out of bad situations they caused themselves. But this time he's not able to, he can't do ANYTHING about it, and he's terrified because that means his whole existence and work is just... Gone. He spent all his days preparing for the worst scenarios, only for it all to be thrown away. He WASTED his life for nothing. And it hurts me that the fandom never saw that.

Or maybe I'm overthinking all of it. Maybe this has all already been directly disproven. But I still wanted to share this.

[leeloooonfire]

There's this saying within the group of freaks of Hawkins High and the guys from Corroded Coffin - "Never, ever even think about opening one of Eddie's notebooks if you want to keep all your limbs intact and not roll with disadvantage for the rest of the entire campaign."

It's like an unspoken rule and if one dares to break the silence and say they'd wish to know what kind of treasures lie within the hardcover notebooks dispersed all throughout Eddie's space, their words were whispered off the record. Some, like Gareth, even throw haunted looks over their shoulders and then raise their hands into the air, fingers twisted in a sign against all evil when even one mumbles the unspeakable two words "Eddie's notebooks".

The party were warned early on to never mention the sacred books within Eddie's hearing range or even think about touching them at all.

Only once, Mike dared to reach out for one tattered notebook with a red spine and warped pages when it fell off the table during one of their DnD sessions. Dustin is sure to this day that Mike actually saw his life pass by him in a flash and only his role as one of the youngsters of the group saved his sorry ass from imminent destruction.

Still, even though knowing he might actually not survive this, Dustin really wants to know what's inside of them. Time and time again, Lucas told him to forget it, „You being his favorite won’t save you from his wrath, so banish your foolish wishes from your mind.“

But how could he banish the thoughts when there are so many notebooks around the trailer; hidden between well-loved copies of fantasy books like The Lord of the Rings and Dune or monster manuals within the bookshelves of Eddie's room. When they can be found under the piles of discarded clothes on the floor or kicked under his spray-painted dresser during a heedless moment? One with blue stripes lies just right next to a bottle of bleach under the kitchen sink and two, one blue and one brown, are on the couch at all times. If one might want to relieve themselves during a night of horror movies in the Munson's home, they might find one in the bathroom, right next to the toilet. There are even a few in the tiny gap between Eddie's forever-unmade bed and the patchy, poster-covered wall or in the back of Eddie's beat-up van with stained covers and ripped-out pages.

Some, they all know, are for DnD, and some for his music. One or two, though mostly abandoned within the first few weeks of the year, for school and his studies.

The others? No one really knows.

They all have their own little theories. Like Fred, who thinks Eddie uses most of the notebooks to write down his secret, illegal science experiments. Or Jeff, who once said that Eddie probably uses them for boring stuff like accounting for his drug deals and taxes. Not that Eddie pays any taxes.

There are theories about witchcraft and satanistic rituals held within the pages of the books, obviously. About nude drawings of any DnD monster having intercourse with one of their DnD characters. Theories about him writing a cringy romance novel or poems like an Edwardian nobleman succumbing to his fatal illness.

Clara, one of the older DnD legends who graduated the year before Dustin started Highschool, once said Eddie might be using so many notebooks to keep track of his multiple personalities.

All of them seem rather plausible, but none of them explain why Eddie protects them like Smaug protected the sparkling hoard of gold in the Lonely Mountain.

To the others, it feels like a secret better left alone. To Dustin, however, it seems like the most exciting mystery since his ninth birthday party where his father, then still alive and well, was able to prepare an entire pirate-themed scavenger hunt.

To no one's surprise, he takes the first opportunity that comes along his way to get his hands on one of the thick notebooks.

It's after almost an entire year of wondering, two months after the horrendous affairs of the Upside Down where both Eddie and Max merely escaped with their life and (almost) all limbs intact.

It's when the party and Steve help Eddie and his uncle move out of the now mostly destroyed trailer and into a small house at the edge of Loch Nora.

While the others are all somewhere else in the trailer, Dustin and Steve fill box after box with Eddie's stuff from his bedroom.

"Fucking hell, this place is even filthier than the landfill," Steve mutters to himself when they move the mattress off the bed to dismantle the frame and they get a good look at the trash that gathered under it for probably ever. Or, at least, since Eddie got this bed. Cigarettes, condom wrappers, used tissues -yikes-, crumbled-up or ripped pages, a few scattered pens and more dust than meets the eye. Steve's right, it is filthy. His mother would have a heart attack and then sentences Eddie to a day of cleaning like a disgruntled judge in court.

He is about to say something that's both mean to Steve and still agreeing when he sees them - right at the very edge of the bedframe, hidden underneath a jumper that looks like it could have been Mr Clark's favorite, are seven notebooks.

Dustin moves before Steve can even react; almost jumps over the frame and belly lands on the floor to get to them before the other has the time to count them or take them away or anything.

Steve stares at him with an incredulous look, lifting one part of the frame up in the air, "Why did you do that?"

Dustin shrugs, trying to look innocent like the tiniest baby kitten in the world, and says, "Thought I saw a rat, had to jump."

"A RAT?" Robin shouts, who came into the room to bring yet another empty box for them to fill with Eddie's junk. "WHERE IS THE RAT?"

"There's no rat!" Steve rolls his eyes, but behind Robin, Argyle shouts, "A RAT?"

In the chaos of the entire group trying to find and run away from the non-existing rodent, Dustin grabs three of the notebooks and hides them under his hoodie right between his belly and the waistband of his jeans.

He knows it's shitty.

But - Eddie owns him one, Dustin thinks, for almost dying on him in the Upside Down. So, it somehow feels like his damn right to snoop through his private notebooks.

Just a peak, he tells himself. If it's a diary, he'll close them right away and bring them back to Eddie. It's not like Dustin would want to read something that personal. He would with Mike to make fun of him, but not with Eddie. Despite almost dying and being a massive dork, Dustin thinks Eddie is cool.

This means he will respect his privacy if the notebooks are that personal. Otherwise - what really is the harm, right? Old, discarded DnD notes? Homework and dates of exams? Pffff; it can't be that bad, can it?!

It can.

Less than five hours later, Dustin is sitting on the floor next to his bed and has one of the notebooks open on his legs.

It is definitely not a diary, even though Eddie has marked the pages with dates.

It is, however, probably, pretty personal.

18th of June 1985

They kiss for a long time, lying in the dark, softly and then decisively, chaste and then deep.

Before long, Bilbo lowers down onto Thorin, making a long, slow sound like an early rumble of thunder. 

It's so sexy, hot, amazing. Everything's warm and soft and dark and slick, Bilbo's hand on Thorin's forearm, Bilbo's ass in his lap, back against his chest, Bilbo's hole around his dick. 

Thorin thought that maybe doing whatever Bilbo wanted would ... 

The thing is, Dustin should have closed the notebook after reading the first line right away; shouldn't have even taken them home with him. The thing is he can't just take them back to Eddie and act as if he's never seen what he saw.

And the thing is, is - is that Eddie. Eddie!

Eddie writes - stories?! Fiction? Sexual fiction about two already exciting characters who are, well, are a dwarf and a hobbit. But also are two men.

Sure, Tolkien never explicitly talked about gender in his books, Dustin thinks, but from his understanding and what he's reading in Eddie's notebook, it's two guys - having fictional intercourse.

Does this mean that his brother figure is gay?

Is Eddie a homosexual? Or does he just like writing about Bilbo getting railed by Thorin?

He has sooo many questions, and most of them, he's not sure, he really wants to get an answer.

He is still contemplating what he's going to do with the hobbit porn in his lap when the door opens and Steve comes in with an eye roll, "I knocked about four times, what the hell are you doing that you didn't hear me?"

Dustin, once again, tries to look innocent and shoves the notebook off his lap and under his bed before Steve catches on.

This time, not even a potential rat alert could save his ass, because Steve's eyes narrow and before Dustin can even say anything, the other is on the floor, grabs one of the other two notebooks and opens it.

"NO!" Dustin shouts, slamming against Steve to tackle him and rip the notebook out of his hand, but it is too fucking late.

"Bilbo reacts almost immediately. His mouth latches around the tip, sucking before pulling back and kitten-licking all around the head. Thorin writhes impatiently, his gasps nearly pained. Bilbo suckles, licks [get a dictionary for synonyms] on the tip, and then he glances up, meets Thorin's gaze, and sinks down. - Oh, -."

Steve reads out loud, voice wavering the closer he comes to the end of the passage and then lets go of the book.

Dustin tries to hit Steve in the shoulder before scooping up the notebooks and pushing them under the bed to the other one.

They stare at each other, both flushed and slightly uncomfortable.

God, could El please open one of the portals now so Dustin can hide in the Upside Down? That would be great!

"Please don't say anything!" Dustin says at the same time Steve opens his mouth to let out, "Are you into guys?"

"What? No!"

Steve holds out his hands in front of him as if to protect himself from Dustin's anger, but he raises one eyebrow, "It's okay if you do."

Dustin shakes his head, "Of course, it's okay if I do, but I don't!"

Steve's cheek twitches, clearly unsure how to proceed, and then says, "There's nothing wrong with gay fiction."

"Jesus, I know there's nothing wrong with gay fiction. It's not mine, though."

"Sure!" Steve smiles and reaches out to clasp Dustin on the shoulder, "You can talk to me once you're ready."

"There's nothing to talk about. I have Suzy!"

"Okay, and? There are plenty of people who like both, so it's okay if you just realised that."

Dustin wants to smack his head against a wall, or maybe, Steve's head, "It's seriously not mine. They're Eddie's!"

Steve stills.

Dustin stills. He seriously didn't mean to tell Steve that, to leak Eddie's secret. He just wanted to know what Eddie was hiding, and not maybe, probably out the guy to Steve fucking Harrington.

"Eddie's?! Why do you have Eddie's notebooks?"

Dustin makes a face, deer in the headlight and slightly scared.

Understanding dawns upon Steve's face and he groans, "No you little shit didn't!"

"I didn't!" Dustin says automatically but cringes when Steve kneels down and picks up the three tossed notebooks from the floor.

"Seriously, Dustin, why can you never leave things alone?"

"Please don't tell him."

Steve stares at him, hard, lips pinched together and then sighs, "Okay. But you little fucker own me."

Feel free to use this and make an entire story out of it 🖤☺️

[2n2n]

ch. 110

brutality, no survivors.... incredible suffering for the girlies (you, me, JP twitter)

and here I thought shenanigans would continue... this promo image was an immediate punch at 6AM

and yet this was all things considered the easy part...? ugh, but... please a moment to drink it in... all of my beliefs in the true power exchange... it's so satisfying to see it like this. it's easy, simple to still Tsukasa, isn't it... towering, presiding older brother.... his joudai trailing... touch your seal... the virtue by which you are kept safe, kept his. Poor Tsukasa. covetous object...!

a rascal....! uhh I love pocket-sanding Akane with old man parts ... amazing technique ahaha, Tsukasa knows how to make people lose focus huh? he's in such a good mood isn't he~ not as resentful as he was towards Mirai pestering him...

mirai explode lol.... I can't say I feel much personally, I guessed she might do this ... it's sweet of her to protect Akane, but I can't think much of it, beyond what it contributes to how we should feel about her. Noble rat after all? not so dumb as Akane had said before?

Mirai holding the yorishiro makes sense, for why she's typically locked in their boundary without any freedom. sure... easy. another key to haunt us! more keys why NOT

I like to see Natsuhiko being cool like this ... ♥

but this is so interesting...

I'm never sure how much Mitsuba really understood about the Broadcast club's greater plans... I wonder if Natsuhiko is being literal here, and Mitsuba DID know what he had to do, but had settled on his suicidal ennui.... ah, having to analyze your life for something precious is grim... he has an issue of not appreciating what he has while he has it, and being unable to state it...

.... and there's nobody to correct him. This is such a manga about... 'reasons'....

among the things even possible.. that poor keychain was destroyed. I wonder if there were a few things going on in Mitsuba's mind even then...

I really like... that mysteries, kaii need something anchoring them... I like that it's not enough, to exist... I like that the body naturally dilapidates, 'wants' to move on or become something else. It's a great metaphor....! In this manga... the most important thing, is loving something. If you don't love something, you can't stay alive. You won't....

I'm still wondering if the original thing Kou gave Mitsuba back in vol. 7 will ever come back around... or if it just gave him a complex or curiosity about the 'old' Mitsuba (who he snoops on in PP after this, so....) ... and can't itself be precious so much as worming...

anyhow... I like this turn of events, but it is so shocking we're stacking handling No. 3 and also No. 1!!!! I can't believe it!!!! IT'S ALL HAPPENINGGGG?????!?!? We haven't stacked mysteries like this before ~~!!!! It's so exciting.... I like Natsuhiko a lot in all of this ♥ I don't know... like with Tsukasa and Mitsuba, I believe him that he found it all charming in its own way, and that he wanted to offer what he could to Mitsuba for the timebeing. It's not as if there are other options, here... Mitsuba... really was never doing the things that needed to be done.... or letting others know what he needed to do.

I suppose Natsuhiko could wake up Kou to watch this if he wanted, but I find it much funnier if Kou just has to wake up at the end of this and Mitsuba is eradicated... lol...

can't say I really understand Teru's position about the mysteries...

you understand the mysteries are a kind of structural pillar for this region, but the pressure that was weighing on Hanako at least seemed to be the Minamoto ... it was that imperative the Broadcast Club's been taking advantage of. The rumors created an excuse to justify the sense of mistrust in the mysteries. But I'll never quite know what Teru is even capable of ... since he shouldn't be able to touch yorishiro ... but directly threatens to exorcize mysteries. Can you have extant yorishiro without the mysteries utilizing them.... ??? Well, I just don't understand it yet.... must put it aside.

back to what really matters...

I love how peaceful, relieved, serene he looks here.... finally, you've been so patient, Tsukasa... every little step of this has taken so long.... holding the last yorishiro in your hands... trusting Amane to handle you, after... it must feel good. The end in sight....

I really love this reach for Amane's knife...

back in this position, are we?

ah.... poor Amane. For a moment... I appreciate what he's trying to do, here. He sounds patient... he sounds like an older brother. Explaining so cleanly...

you want to be sure Tsukasa understands... maybe you think-- he hasn't thought this through, or he doesn't get the consequences, he's being childish, or reckless, maybe he's misunderstood how it happened before ... I love to hear Amane, say something so direct as... won't see you again.... won't be able to save you ... everything he did last time! to ensure... that you wouldn't be apart! the binding of their souls! tying Tsukasa down to him like a ship in a storm! protection, mooring... keeping you, where he can see you! remaining together, at all costs! that's important to you too, right, Tsukasa? don't you want to see each other?

it's as if you're saying you don't want to be together, don't want to be saved... what do we do with people who don't ask you to save them? why must they insist on leaving you behind?

Mitsuba won't ask Kou to save him. Sumire wouldn't ask Hakubo to save her. Aoi didn't want Akane to save her. I wonder if Tsukasa didn't ask Amane to save him, but Amane did it anyway... her certainly wasn't asking for a hero in the Red House, or to live on coming back.

it's a kind of rejection, isn't it? When someone is so ambivalent about the life you love so much... the life you want with them... it's as if they're saying, "I don't want to be with you enough to live for you."

Of course, every time, they're really saying ... "I just don't know what I mean to you." Mitsuba doesn't feel valuable to Kou; only a replacement, a reminder of something he once cared about. Best to give up. Sumire imagined Hakubo was only placating her, and could only wish not for his earnest sadness, but for him to pretend to be sad for her. Best to let death happen. and Aoi didn't feel Akane knew the real her, imagined he would reject the real Aoi, only in love with his grand projection of her. Best to step away now.

Of course, Tsukasa thought his brother hated him, so...

It all feels so simple and logical! It's saving trouble, right?

Amane made such a gesture last time... in their shinjuu... he tried, he really tried, to say something ... to Tsukasa.

but, the message didn't go through...

but I can only be so sympathetic to Amane, as he's an incredible hypocrite. Of course, Amane has put Nene-chan through everything Tsukasa puts him through.

You also try to grant your beloved a wish for a future that explicitly doesn't involve you, and make her feel rejected, abandoned, given no choice...

Amane...

oh, Yugi twins....

.... why can't you understand when you're precious? Why can't you understand how bad it hurts, to abandon somebody? Amane-chan really suffered without you, Tsukasa. You're always the one leaving him, and getting to feel sacrificial about it. He's trying to tie you down....

.... it's a natural response... to lash out. Rejected... misunderstood... abandoned... why is Tsukasa asking you to give up on him? Why can't he understand, even with that seal on his cheek... even as you died with him....

兄の思いは届かず…

I really love that for the chapter's end.

Amane's feelings never did reach Tsukasa. It wasn't understood, what he had tried to do, his sadness now. But... Amaneeeee....

maybe you could use a taste of your own medicine....

we think we know just how to make someone else's wish come true, don't we?

isn't it such an insult! WHY!!!!!! """"WHY""""""??????

..... I'm out of images, so I'll continue in a reblog, for a couple more thoughts I'm having ....

but for this post... ahhhh. It's unbelievable we're at least starting to tackle... this. I feel bad for Amane, I really do... I feel bad for Tsukasa, too. It's hard to not hurt someone you love ... in an attempt to only hurt yourself. If we hurt ourselves, we hurt the thing our lover adores ... we spit on their love for us.

I can understand why and how Amane can say "I hate you" ... to Tsukasa. As much as Akane could childishly say it to Aoi ... and you know, it is that same unimaginable love which makes it possible. Years of familiarity, it makes you more liable to lash out. There is such a greater sense of betrayal, when you've expended so much effort... when you try so hard for someone... when you're in so much pain about them....! After all I've done... you CAN'T say this or that to me.... etc, etc! Those intense emotions... can make you feel entitled, to never be hurt... you can't hurt me, after all I've hurt for you!

and I do think it's being said extremely childishly... daikirai... he's just, unable to be any more constructive with his feelings, he's so... hurt, mad. As much as Nene-chan is so mad, hearing Hanako spit on all of her efforts she made to reach him... BIG SLAP!!!

Amane, he's maybe endured 50 years of effort and an awful lot of physical suffering for Tsukasa, and it's not gotten through... wwww! I'm sorry, I'm worried Tsukasa might have a PROFOUND amount of suicidal urge. Might be an uphill battle, Amane... you might just need to save Tsukasa because you are selfish, and you want him for yourself. There might be no easier reason ... to keep him by your side. We can't make Tsukasa beg to stay with you... but you won't beg him to stay, will you? I think that would actually do a lot of good, Amane... but you really won't do that....

meanwhile, I love the juxtaposition of Nene-chan's incredibly childish DAI DAI DAISUKIII and this daikirai lol... we all have big feelings don't we lol....! well...

[teaberrii]

Chapter 7: The Locket

You've been Cupid for as long as you can remember. You've brought countless soulmates together, yet you've never found love.

When you're assigned to bring two childhood friends back together, it should be simple until you unexpectedly catch feelings for the mysterious and cold Ph.D. student, Dan Heng, the man with a soulmate… the man with answers to your past.

Dan Heng/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on Ao3

Female reader

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

After finishing telling Pom the nightmare you experienced, you chug the rest of your water. 

“Geezus, Cupid,” Pom continues. “I…”

"Never thought a haunted medieval castle would turn out to be a haunted erotica," you mutter, half-jokingly. "I'm done playing games, Pom."

You refuse to believe that what you saw had nothing to do with you. If it didn't, why were you the only one experiencing this? But after that traumatic event, you're done being clueless. You're done being messed with.

“I'm getting pieces that make no sense to each other, It’s time to start connecting them together.”

Pom has an uncharacteristically serious look on his face. "I'm with you. But how are we going to do that?"

You wish you have an answer. There must be a way, and you'll find it no matter what it takes.

“...I think we’ll need a little help.”

"Help? From who?" When Pom sees the look in your eyes, it's as if he reads your mind. He quietly gasps. "Don't tell me you're thinking about Dan Heng."

“I saw him again,” you say quietly. “I saw Young on the train where Dan Heng was standing.”

“But, will he really be able to help?”

"I don't know," you answer honestly. "But if I tell Dan Heng who I am… maybe that will trigger something."

“...Hey.” The rest of your friends approach you, and you and Pom get up from the bench. “Are you feeling better now?” Gepard asks.

“Much better.”

“What happened in there?” Stelle asks. She glances at Dan Heng. “He said he found you in the restricted area, and you got locked in.”

“...That’s right,” you say, looking at Dan Heng, who returns your look with a subtle gaze. It doesn't seem like he said anything more. “One of the zombies just really got to me, and I panicked.”

Gepard walks up to you with an apologetic look. “I’m really sorry for leaving you like that. I… didn’t know this would happen.”

You smile at him. “It’s fine.”

March stretches and groans. "Well, before we go, should we see what the parade is all about?"

“Good idea,” Stelle says.

You and Pom look at each other as if reading each other’s minds.

“C’mon then!” Pom says happily. “We don’t want to miss it!”

Pom starts ushering everyone away, but you grab Dan Heng's arm.

"Can we talk?" you ask quietly as he turns to face you.

He lets you pull him aside. “Is something wrong?”

“...It’s about what happened earlier.”

Are you going to tell him what's going on? He hopes so. After seeing how shaken up you are, he has a million questions but isn't sure whether it's appropriate to ask.

Where should you start? With Young? With who you are? Finally, you say, "When I was alone back there, I experienced something similar to my nightmares."

“...Nightmares?”

“Before coming here, I sometimes had nightmares of a burning terrain… a castle… It was like a war field. I had a hunch why I was having them, but after experiencing what I just did… I’m pretty sure they have something to do with my past. It’s also why I’m here.”

Dan Heng cannot think of any other explanation, but his theory sounds ridiculous. He isn't living in some crazy fantasy novel where mythological beings exist… right? But it did cross his mind. With you mysteriously knowing about his research and saying you saw his desires, there's only one absurd but logical reason.

“...You aren’t human.”

A slight pause.

“...You don’t sound surprised.”

“Who are you... really."

“Pom calls me Cupid. Take a guess.”

“The God of Love?”

“I’ve been bringing couples together for as long as I can remember because I was promised that I would figure out about my past. But it's starting to look like it's the people here who have something to do with it. Including you."

“...And Young. That’s why you asked about him, right?”

“You catch on fast.”

He looks away. “I’m piecing things together as I go.”

“I knew someone named Young, and I’ve been getting dreams and visions about him when I talk to you. Maybe it's because you look exactly alike.” You sigh. “But I’ve been told he’s no longer around.”

“...What you saw back there, did it have something to do with him?” Dan Heng asks.

“No,” you say quietly. “My dreams about Young are always… pleasant. But back there, that was…” You take a small breath. "I saw something like a massacre. And… a man and a woman… being intimate.”

This takes Dan Heng off guard as he’s left speechless.

“I have no idea who they are,” you add. “But the man said I went too far and”—your voice drops—”I started a war.”

“...A war?”

You shift uncomfortably. “Well, the woman hinted that I was intimate with that man before. It sounds like a bad revenge story."

You’re expecting a grimace, a sign of disgust, or a judgemental look from Dan Heng, but that never comes. Instead, he calmly asks, “...But, can you really take their word for it? It sounds like you’re getting bits and pieces everywhere. It'd be more important to get the bigger picture.”

"That's what I was telling Pom. I need to start making links… connections… or something that I can go on. That's why I decided to tell you about who I am. If you're Young... or somehow related to him, maybe it'll jog your memories."

“You said Young and I look like each other.” Then, hesitantly, “...What about the man and the woman? Did they look familiar?”

You shake your head. “I’ve never seen them before.”

“But maybe I have.”

You're starting to see where Dan Heng is going with this. If Dan Heng is Young's doppelganger or reincarnation, then there's a strong possibility that more of them exist. But what then?

“...I never knew about Young until you told me about him,” Dan Heng continues. “Even after you told me who you are, nothing comes to mind. But there must be a reason why he looks like me and…”

Is he… blushing, or is it just too hot?

“...And?”

“...And why I like you so much.”

The loud screams from the parade drown out his words. You turn and see a large magician-themed parade floatie slowly move along the street. Then, you turn back.

“Did you say something?” you ask. “I didn’t catch that.”

Dan Heng quietly sighs and looks away. “It’s nothing.” Then, with a small, gentle smile, “...I'd like to help if I can.”

"An extra hand never hurts," you say, returning his smile.

You’re walking next to Dan Heng toward the parade when he glances at you. “...You said you bring couples together. Does this mean you make them fall in love?”

“I don’t shoot arrows with weird spells on them if that’s what you mean. It’s supposed to be a natural process. I just… give them a little push.”

“Has it ever backfired?”

“Sometimes it takes a little more effort. But, in the end, they always end up together.”

“...You said before you were here for a job that involves me. By ‘job’ is that what you meant?”

“Yeah. You have a soulmate,” you say quietly.

“But I don’t believe in that.”

“It doesn’t matter whether you believe in them. It doesn’t change the fact that you have one.”

"...You said you've been doing this for a long time, but it's only now you're finding out about your past." He suddenly steps in front of you, making you stop. "I'd like to think this soulmate nonsense also ends here."

So, is he going to stop you from doing your job? That’d be interesting.

"I guess we'll see, won't we?" you say. "But I am a little curious… you seem strongly opposed to it. But you don't know who it is. You might change your mind."

“...I carve a path for myself, including who I choose to love. I don't want anyone else deciding that for me.”

Then, you hear March call your names and Dan Heng walks off without looking back. 

Despite the lively atmosphere, you can't help but occasionally glance at Dan Heng, who has his eyes on the parade almost the entire time. He would meet your eyes a couple of times, but you would look away. The distance between you two is occupied by Pom and Stelle.

“...Are you interested in Dan Heng?”

You turn to Stelle, surprised by the unexpected question. “Why do you ask?”

Stelle looks at you with a small smile. “He was really worried about you when you didn’t show up.”

You don’t look at her when you say, “...We’re friends.”

"Then… does that mean I can go for him?" You immediately look at her as the question takes you off guard. Then, she chuckles. "I'm kidding."

You remember that Dan Heng and Stelle drifted apart when she started her singing career. What brought them back together?

“I heard you were a singer before,” you say.

“Are you going to ask why I quit?" You don't say anything, so she says, "Let's just say that it takes more than just talent to 'make it' in the industry. Now that I'm an actress, there's more freedom in different aspects of my life... including whether or not I want to see somebody."

"It sounds like you have someone in mind."

She doesn't elaborate but gives you a small, ambiguous smile instead.

◆◆◆

The parade hasn't ended when you and your friends leave the bustling area. It's late afternoon, and Gepard suggests an early dinner as it'll start getting crowded.

You and Pom and walking behind everyone else when he asks, “How did things go with Dan Heng?”

“He said he’s happy to help me if I need it.”

Pom gasps and nudges you. “He’s a keeper.” You give him a deadpan look, and he quickly says, “Okay. No more jokes.”

“But he’s also curious about Young.”

“You also told him about Young? Well, it’d be strange if he wasn’t.”

“Anyway, even after I told him about Young and who I am, he doesn't remember anything. But, he brought up a good point,” you say, looking at Dan Heng, who’s talking with Gepard. “He might not be the only doppelganger here." 

"He may be right. But does this mean you're going to start hunting for people who may or may not exist? What if it turns out to be pointless?"

“Yeah, I get what you mean." You sigh. "I feel like we're missing something..."

“...Whatcha talkin’ about, Cupid?”

You immediately spin around at the low, masculine voice just as Pom gasps.

“N-Nanook!”

Wearing a black tank top and pants, Nanook is clearly enjoying the attention he's getting from some of the people passing by.

“What are you doing here?” you finally ask, flabbergasted.

“Hey!” You turn around and see your friends walk over. March looks at Nanook and back to you. “Is he a friend of yours?”

Nanook puts his hands on your shoulders and smiles widely. “We go a long way back. Right, Cupid?”

You shrug off his grip and frown. “...He’s just someone I know.”

“Ouch. Not even a friend? You hit right where it hurts.”

“He’s the guy I told you about,” Pom says to Dan Heng and Gepard. “The one who won’t leave her alone.”

Nanook narrows his eyes. “...Is this who I think it is?” He walks up to Pom and looks him up and down. “Huh… never thought you’d make a decent-looking human, rabbit.”

“Hey!”

“Rabbit?” March asks.

Nanook looks at your friends and back at you. “Aren’t you supposed to be working? What are you doing hanging out with these—”

“They’re my friends,” you deadpan.

“What do you mean she’s supposed to be working?” Stelle asks.

"It's nothing," you say, turning to her, but you eventually look at Dan Heng instead.

Then, he walks up to you. “...If this person isn’t important, let’s go.”

Nanook scoffs. “Not important?” He walks up to him, but you step in front of Dan Heng. “...You think I’ll hurt him?”

“Just leave him alone.”

Nanook rolls his eyes but suddenly yells when someone pulls on his earlobe.

“We aren’t here to cause trouble, Nanook. Behave yourself.”

You look past the God to see a woman with glossy skin and long, silky black hair pulled into a high ponytail, leaving a few strands to frame her face that looks like she hasn't had a clogged pore in years. Wearing a pair of high-waisted shorts and cropped tee, her curvy figure is just as flawless as her skin. You've never seen this woman before, yet your gut tells you exactly who it is.

“Idrila!” Pom says. “You’re here, too?”

She smiles, showing her perfectly straight and white teeth. “That’s right.”

“...Who's this?” Gepard asks.

“A friend,” you say.

You're a little amused that Gepard can't seem to take his eyes off her. But that's when you remember Dan Heng. You look slightly behind you and see that his stoic expression hasn't changed.

Idrila loops her arm around you. "Do you mind if we borrow her?" She looks at Pom. "And Pom, too, of course."

“Oh, um, yeah, go ahead.”

It sounds like she even has March at a loss for words.

Idrila grabs Nanook’s arm. “C’mon, stop giving the kid the stink eye.”

“I’m not!”

Idrila pulls you and Nanook aside while Pom follows. A short distance away, she lets you go and takes out a small, round locket with a thin gold chain. A sun is in the center while being embraced by a crescent moon. 

“Himeko forgot to give this to you,” Idrila says, handing you the locket. “So, she sent us.”

“She needed both of you just to give her a locket?” Pom asks, skeptical.

“Look, it was the perfect opportunity for a little vacation,” Nanook says. “Besides”—he looks around with a curious look—“it was getting boring up there. I'm always up for a daring adventure.”

“...I think I saw this locket before.”

“You did?” Pom asks you, Then, he looks at it curiously. “Where?”

“Around Young’s neck on the train." Then, you try opening it, but no matter how hard you try, it won't open.

"Good luck on getting that open," Nanook says. "We've already tried."

You frown. “Someone was a little too curious.”

“Himeko told us beforehand,” Idrila clarifies. “We thought we'd try it out.”

“By the way… who's Young?” Nanook asks. He looks over his shoulder and sees your friends chatting. “Is it that dark-haired kid? He thinks he’s being subtle, but I know he’s been looking this way. Well, let’s be more specific.” Nanook looks at you. “He’s looking at you. Don’t tell me you’re having a lil fun on the side, Cupid.”

“I wish,” you mutter.

“Oh, you haven’t seen Lan by any chance, have you?” Idrila asks. “He’s still not back.”

“I’d like to think that he’s finally letting himself loose and having some fun,” Nanook says. “This is his territory, after all.”

“...Did Lan grew up here?” you ask.

“That’s right, sweetheart.”

You almost cringe at the new nickname, but an idea suddenly hits you. Dan Heng enlightened you with the possibility that other doppelgangers or reincarnations exist. If Lan has been around Xianzhou for a while, he may know about them. Could there be some secret to doppelgangers that he knows about?

“Hey!” March calls. “Are y’all ready to go or what?”

Your friends walk over, and Stelle asks, “If you don't have any other plans, why don’t you join us for dinner?”

Nanook and Idrila glance at each other. “Us?”

“Why not?” Gepard says.

The thought of Nanook joining the group for dinner doesn't sound like a great idea, but of course, the God of Destruction thinks differently.

He smiles. “Well, I don’t see why not.” He looks at you with a playful smile. “It’d be our first dinner together.”

“And our last,” you deadpan.

“...Wait. What if Himeko finds out?” Pom asks quietly.

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” Idrila says.

"Himeko?" March asks. "Who's she?"

"Someone who likes to enforce rules on people for her entertainment," Nanook says bluntly.

"After the stunt you pulled, I think there's a reason why she enforced rules on having limited contact with humans," you mutter, thinking back to the time Nanook's desire for fun nearly ended up killing a mansion full of people.

Nanook looks at you. "What was that, sweetheart?"

"Don't call me that."

Stelle chuckles. "You two get along well."

Before you can say anything else, March says, "Less talking! More walking!"

You’re trailing a little behind your friends as you start thinking about how you can get in touch with Lan. Unlike Nanook, he isn’t someone to run his mouth about all the awesome things he’s been doing or why he’s even here. Then again… Lan doesn’t seem like the type who randomly goes for a vacation. Is there another reason why he’s here?

It takes a little while to notice that Dan Heng is walking beside you. When you look at him, he glances at you but stays silent. Perhaps he knows you're onto something.

“...Your friends,” Dan Heng says, “Are they also Gods?”

“That’s right.” 

"I guess you've known them for a long time."

"Idrila has always been great. And, well, as much as I hate Nanook, he's still someone that kept me company." When Dan Heng stays quiet, you take out the golden locket from your pocket. “Have you seen this before?”

Dan Heng could’ve just looked at it from your hand, but instead, he takes it, and when his fingers touch your palm, your heart races a little.

After looking closely, he says, "I haven't."

“Could you try opening it?” He does, but when it doesn’t open, you sigh. “...Thought so.”

“You can’t open it either?”

"No… Apparently, no one can. I think this belonged to Young."

“...How do you know?”

“I saw it around his neck on the train.” You glance at Dan Heng. “...He was standing where you were supposed to be.”

"If this belonged to him, then"—Dan Heng turns to face you, and you stop with him—"maybe it holds something special inside."

He opens the necklace and looks at you as if asking permission to put it around your neck. You don't object, so he leans closer and carefully slips it around you. Once again, you smell his cologne, but your chest feels tight. Dan Heng leans upright but stops a comfortable distance from your face. Close enough that it feels intimate but far enough that he isn't invading your personal space. His blue eyes shine as he looks at you, and your heart thunders in your chest.

Suddenly, you hear a loud cough.

You and Dan Heng turn, and Nanook and Pom look at you skeptically.

“We noticed you were falling behind,” Pom says.

“Didn’t think you’d be staring into each other’s eyes like leads of a cheesy rom-com drama,” Nanook deadpans.

You awkwardly clear your throat. “Didn’t think you would know what that is.”

“I keep up with the times.”

“Riiight,” you say skeptically. “Never penned you as a rom-com kind of guy, Nanook.”

Then, you start walking away with Pom hot on your trail.

When Dan Heng is about to follow you, Nanook swings an arm around his shoulder. “...Do you like her, kid?” Dan Heng shrugs off Nanook’s arm and continues walking, but the God of Destruction won’t let it end there. “It’s cute, y’know, a human… and a God.” Dan Heng gives him a side-eye just as Nanook says, “It’s not going to work, so you might as well give up now.”

Dan Heng stops, and with a straight face, he says, “But why does it look like I'm having better luck than you had in a long time?"

Then, he walks away, but hears the God scoff and then mutter, "Cheeky little bastard."

Chapter 8

End notes: I'll be gone on vacation for a week after this update. But I'll be bringing my laptop with me, so I'll be working on the next chapter whenever I can :>

Tag list: @suoshiii @lordbugs @seirenspinel @lxry-chxn @tanspostsblog @nqctre @theprinceofkhaos @lunavixia @akwardbiscuit

[katie-the-bug]

It's late I'm tired have some

Unwarranted Opinions on The Solar System

The Sun: solidly middle-of-the-road star. Only really impressive in conjunction with The Moon (see below), but if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 5/10.

Mercury: A pretty uninspired start to the planets, all things considered. Venus does the whole "being hot and close to the sun" thing way better, so I don't really see the point. 0/10.

Venus: Hot, bright, instantly recognizable, and a fascinating counterpoint to Earth. 9/10 only because it doesn't have a nice big moon named Cupid or something - I feel like there was a missed opportunity there.

Earth: This might just be four billion years of evolution talking, but this planet is literally perfect. Dry land and oceans constantly changing shape and thus never getting stale; an atmosphere that filters out most dangerous radiation without being too hard to see through; a functioning magnetosphere; the list of its virtues goes on and on. And even if that somehow weren't enough, I've literally never seen another planet with life on it and that's enough to get Earth an automatic 10/10 for originality.

The Moon: THE best satellite in the entire Solar System and if you disagree we WILL fight. It's a beautiful color, its endless tiny details variably highlighted by its phases mean there's always something new to look at, and it's just the right size and distance from Earth to fully eclipse the Sun and leave only its corona and prominences exposed in the most spectacular display in space or anywhere. If you need me to explain why that makes it THE BEST I will be forced to assume you have no brain. Infinity/10, I am in love.

Mars: Basic details out of the way - I love the color and the extreme geography. Having the biggest mountain in the Solar System counts for something. Besides that, it's thematically fascinating, haunted by the ghosts of what would have been had it been able to hold on to its magnetosphere and atmosphere. I'd give it a perfect score but its dust storms have been unkind to the rovers and I neither forget nor forgive. 8/10.

Phobos & Deimos: stupid useless space potatoes. 1/10 only because Mars will have rings when Phobos finally bites it.

The Asteroid Belt: Meh. 0/10.

Ceres: It may be the only dwarf planet inside the orbit of Neptune, but it's still a dwarf planet. 2/10.

Trojans: Asteroid Belt but "artistic." 1/10.

Jupiter: impressive size, tasteful color palette, and the red spot gives it a bit of intrigue. Too many moons though. 7/10.

The Galilean Moons: fascinating orbital resonance. Shame Callisto won't get with the program. 7/10.

All of Jupiter's Other Moons: too many, and they keep finding new ones, none of which are spherical. Quantity isn't everything, guys. 3/10.

Saturn: the boring color palette is more than made up for, and the excessive number of moons justified, by those SPECTACULAR rings. No other planet has rings that beautiful. Why aren't more planets like this? 10/10.

Saturn's Moons: yeah, some of them have fun little gimmicks, but I really only like them inasmuch as they keep the rings in place. 5/10.

Uranus: the massive axial tilt is refreshingly original and the blue color is easy on the eyes. The lack of rings or memorable moons is a bit of a letdown. A lesser reviewer might make base puns but all the astronomers I know pronounce it differently and the jokes no longer land. 8/10.

Neptune: redundant. 2/10.

The Kuiper Belt: mysterious and full of comets. The Asteroid Belt could never. 6/10.

Pluto: I don't have anything against Pluto itself - the fact that it's so tiny and yet has (at least) five moons gives it a certain charm that a body like Mercury simply lacks. It's the fandom I can't stand. There are three criteria for a body to be classified as a planet, Pluto does not meet one of them, and the sentimental value you place on it and its mistaken former classification does not override this. Any appeal to the perceived injustice of Pluto's classification reveals a deep-seated hypocrisy - I don't see any of you going to bat for Eris. All that said, I will not let this nuisance compromise Pluto's rating. 9/10 for being a funny little guy.

Eris: fun fact, Eris is smaller in diameter but more massive than Pluto. Other than that, I'm not sure what it's got going for it. To be fair to Eris though, neither does anybody else. 5/10.

Haumea: It's an egg with two moons and a ring system. What more could you want? 8/10.

Other Dwarf Planets: Eh. 3/10 for mystery.

The Oort Cloud: the most distant extremity of our Solar System, full of comets and possibility. 10/10.

[kt-the-lee]

so much can change in a year

just a lil positive irl storytime for your thursday evening! it’s a bit of a long read but i really hope it makes someone smile and maybe gives hope or inspiration to people who have ever been in a situation similar to mine <3

a year ago, i had just been broken up with. i won’t go into many details except one important piece of information: she was the only person who knew about The Thing™️.

well, she didn’t FULLY know. she didn’t know about tumblr, and how tickling has been a lifelong, life-defining special interest of mine. as i’m sure many other autistic members of the community will agree, tickling as a special interest is the most wonderful and sacred thing in the world and it just talking about it brings me unmatched joy that i don’t think anything else could, let alone receiving it.

she did not know That much, but she knew the simple fact that i loved being tickled, and because we were both massive physical touch people anyway, tickling me became such a special thing between us two. and i was, of course, absolutely devastated to have lost that.

i was stuck. i was feeling every massive emotion you get with a breakup. i had put all of my energy into this relationship, and had nobody to catch me when i was left alone. this alone was crushing enough, on top of the devastating fact that my special interest would no longer be acknowledged for the forseeable future after becoming so incredinly accustomed to it. i felt lonely, scared, depressed, and had absolutely no idea what my future held.

i wish every single day that i could go back in time and give past-me the biggest hug ever and assure them that everything would get better. not even just better; but the best it’s ever been!

my situation changed a few months after this. i moved out of the town where old memories haunted me, moved into university accommodation and met the most wonderful people walking this earth. very quickly, i realised this would be my journey to healing and that these people would be in my life long-term.

as we all slowly found out everything about each other, i got brave. i started talking loosely about “a special interest”, not revealing what it was initially, but it made everyone insanely curious. this game carried on for a couple of months, of me being a bit mysterious and shy about this part of me, and it became my only remaining secret from this new friend-family i had acquired.

in the meantime, people pretty much figured out on their own that i liked being tickled generally since it was noticed that i never really protested and lowkey subtly encouraged it, one particular incident on my birthday cemented this (i will not tell this story now but perhaps another day👀).

i won’t lie, the more of a mystery this became, the more anxious i got because i knew i’d HAVE to reveal it one day. the same doubts i’ve had my whole life came flooding back: what if they think i’m weird? what if they don’t understand? what if i get burnt at the stake if i admit that i enjoy this and find it interesting? i kept putting it off for as long as i possibly could, every time i got close to telling someone i chickened out because i was just so AFRAID. also, how the hell am i meant to explain this to another person when i can’t even say the word “tickle” out loud???

after debating the best way to actually be able to talk about it, i intended to reveal this special interest in the form of a Special Interest Powerpoint™️: a 20 slide masterpiece (if i do say so myself) documenting everything from the psychology behind tickling, tumblr and it’s terminology, to every single thought and experience i’ve had about tickling ever. i let all of my friends know that a powerpoint had been created and perhaps, if they were lucky, it would be revealed at our next powerpoint night. and so, the game continued, and i put off telling them even further.

until one day, out of the blue, one of my friends GUESSED that tickling was my special interest!! this absolutely FLABBERGASTED me as i realised i clearly wasn’t being as subtle as i thought! she told me that she figured it out because she’s seen how much i enjoy it and that it’s become a recurring thing, so it was a decent guess for my special interest. i also gave a hint awhile ago that this interest was LITERALLY lifelong, for as long as i can remember, so that ruled out many other interest i wear more proudly than this one.

and guess what guys: she was completely fine with it! intitially curious of course, as you would be, but generally just accepted the fact and moved on!

this gave me a small degree of confidence, so i then decided to show the full Special Interest Powerpoint™️ to my bestest best friend one evening. she was the first person to know the FULL extent to what tickling means to me and quite how life-defining it is, AND SHE WAS SO WONDERFUL ABOUT IT. she was so genuinely interested and supportive because she could tell how much this meant to me (i was Shaking while i showed her lol). she then assured me that it wasn’t weird nor as big of a shameful thing as i have made it out to be in my head (as i’m sure most people in the community can relate to), and she just really helped me to get out of my own head with the whole thing.

her perfect reaction to this led me to slowly reveal it to everyone else in my life, and in just under a month i had told every wonderful friend i’ve made about this interest and how much it means to me.

and guess what, everyone else has reacted in the exact same way! people are always curious, interested, been genuine and supportive, and i was even told by one friend that it’s “such a lovely interest to have!”. most importantly, i am always assured by everyone i tell that it was’t as weird or a big deal as i think it is.

and, in less than a year from feeling lonely and devastated about this interest possibly never being acknowledged again, i wore a feather printed shirt to our university end-of-year-prom, which everyone complimented and said “omg this is because of the tickle interest!!!”

this brings us to today: i can openly talk about my most sacred special interest as much as i like, i also get tickled on the regular now because people know it’s a thing that brings me unparalleled joy, and for the first time in my life i feel fully authentic, known, accepted, and loved.

so, to my fellow lees, lers, switches, members of the tickle

community. this is your sign. you are not weird or wrong for having this interest, you belong and you are so loved. and, if circumstances are right, this is your sign to tell the people in your life. because i know from firsthand experience people will find it interesting and, dare i say, adorable <3